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How can I support the man I'm dating who is depressed?

The guy I'm dating has been having a tough week due to two things happening and I think it has triggered his depression (he's told me about his mental illnesses before). Our relationship has been amazing so far but this week he has been really quiet with me and doesn't want to talk, and now it has come to leaving my messages on read. I'm really concerned about him because I don't want him to feel he has to suffer alone, but I also understand that everyone copes with things differently, and perhaps he just needs to get his thoughts in order before talking to me again. I've sent messages telling him I'll always be there for him and nothing will push me away, and I know how rough it can be because some of my family members also suffer from depression. I've also told him I will give him space to think and get his mind in order and that he can message me anytime he feels like talking, but I do want to keep checking in on him over the next few days to show I'm there for him. If anyone else has any advice on how I can support him, then it would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

My boyfriend cheated on me multiple times

My boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me multiple times each time I found out and confronted him each time he had been apologetic and he told me he doesn't know why through tears. Each time I've forgiven him and moved on. But this time was different before it was mostly through texts and occasionally kissing. This time I found out he actually had sex with the girl and lied to me until there was no way he could. He promised that it would never happen again and that he never wants to hurt me this way again but even though I want to forgive him and move on I have been having a lot of uncomfortable thoughts and I have been picturing things and although I am still very attracted to him intimately it has been hard not to let it get to me during it. I just dont know what to do I feel myself spiraling and I am afraid.

My girlfriend (22f) no longer can find enjoyment in things that we always loved doing

Me and my girlfriend are huge music fans and a big part of our relationship is going to gigs. We used to go to a gig almost every week and it was always really good bonding time. She has depression / anxiety but she was pretty comfortable in gig enviroments as long as she has some personal space. For a couple of months she has seemed more awkward less excited when going to gigs. We went to a show last night of a band she really loves, and she seemed uninterested / unhappy throughout the show. On the way home she admitted to me she doesn't feel any excitement for going to any shows at the moment she doesn't know why and is sad / frustrated as it was one of her favourite things. She says she feels panicky and stressed to just be there. It's hard to understand what could've triggered this big change and i don't know what i can do to help her. It's hard to know how to make her happy if she doesn't seem to get enjoyment out of anything. She says i'm the only thing keeping her going which is really hard to hear and feels like a lot of responsibility. If anyone can share any ideas or advice or similar experiences i would greatly appreciate it.

I feel like my head is going to burst

Everyday. I only get peace a few minutes till I fall asleep everynight It's not normal that I can't get out of bed . It's not normal that I drag myself thru the day. It's not normal that I cry everyday in the bathroom. I have my dad's health issues due to diabetes and surgery. Bills piling up. But this would be handleble if it was not for the stress of my work. I feel the weight of the days just pushing pushing against me it is so painful. Please . Make it stop

Can you be depressed and not suicidal?

I know its probably a stupid question but I really dont know. Ive had symptoms of depression for a long time, and ive moticed them because friends of mine have been diagnosed for the same things but my friends have all had suicidal ideations at one point or another so I have this mental wall in my head that I cant ask for help because im not really depressed unless im suicidal too. Is it worth me going to the doctors and seeing what they can do or will they really just not do anything unless im a risk to myself like ive read online?

I keep making this mistake over and over and I want to stop.

I just want to stop doing the same things over and over. Today I got out of bed and forced myself to go study with some friends, but about an hour in I just started hating myself and wanted to remove myself from my group. Now I have fallen into my same hole and pushed them away once again. It’s not like it matters at all because this time I did it silently. They didn’t react or notice. I don’t matter in the slightest to anyone and it’s kinda sad. I know I should only care that I think I matter, but that thought is not currently something I am capable of. I just want help to not keeping pushing people out and ruining every situation I’m in.

I just realized I'm very depressed but I don't know why.

Before today, I didn't even know or even seriously consider that I may be depressed. To me it just seemed normal, and probably due to the gradual increase of the severity I simply didn't connect the dots. From what I can recall it's been going on since I was around 12, back in 2014. First I remember becoming quite lazy and finding getting anything done an incredibly hard challenge. I thought it was just because I was a teenager, and lazyness is a normal teenager status. Then I started having a lot of anger issues, I'd get pissed off for the most minute things, I had an incredibly short fuse but I just thought it was also normal teenager behavior. Eventually I managed to suppress those explosions so they'd go off in my head but no one would notice. I started to lose interest in things I used to enjoy a lot, like math, and went from reading 30 books a year to reading 0 last year. I think I was around 15 when the first suicidal thought occurred. Every time I'd fuck up and get grounded or yelled at, or faced consequences for my actions I'd just think over and over again that I wasn't worth anything. Those thoughts disappeared for some time, but arose back last year. I, again, thought it was normal. I think the reason they stopped is because I was at a relative high in my life, I had entered college at 16 years of age and everyone I knew was proud of me, and I felt good about myself. Or so I think I thought. I feel like I can speak for any teenager out there that mastubating is normal. Yet I'm not sure when, it became a daily thing, and then 2 or 3 times per day. Also I stopped showering, I don't even know why. I just didn't. I'd go into the bathroom, turn on the water and just sit on the toilet looking at it or my phone. I stopped cleaning my room and then stopped washing my clothes. I'd wait till the last pair of underwear, maybe reuse it a few times and then wash enough clothes for a week, while months of clothes were piled up. My dandruff got much worse, and the suicidal thoughts came back every once in a while. Not sure if it's got anything to do with this but I started driving really aggressively, well past the speed limit even after a ticket, something I didn't do when I got my license. Lastly, I've always been very thin, as a male I still weighed around 120lbs ish. Now I'm around 130, which I know is still nothing, and I don't think I'm fat or anything like that, but I'd never in my life gained weight, and suddenly I was 10 lbs heavier in a matter of a few months. All of this paragraph started around the same time. Today I was talking to a friend of mine over the phone and for some reason he just asked me: "are you depressed?" Which left me thinking, yet my college classes distracted me for enough time. Today at dinner my mom finally lashed out over my lack of hygiene, it's then that I realized I haven't showered in months, nearly a year of sometimes washing my hair or just standing under the water every once in a while. I showered and it dawned on me that I, probably have depression. The mere realization made me cry more than I've cried in years. I read all about "seek help" and "tell your parents about it" but I'm kind of ashamed to admit it. They've given everything to provide for me and my sister, and I've got all the ingredients for what I'd assume is a normal and functioning life. It feels like I have no right to be feeling like this when there's people who have it much worse than me. Im posting it here because I need anonymous support. I'm not yet ready to admit it out loud,but I think I'm depressed. P.S: If this is long, boring, or just hard to read please forgive me, I'm not even sure if I'm thinking straight and I just wrote down everything as fresh off my head as I could.

Why the hell is this happening?

So let's say I'm elevated and happy the whole day and about to meet my girlfriend tommorow and she cancels because she feels tiered. My whole mood goes down down deep in the depths of hell everytime someting slightly bad happends while I'm happy. Is someone else experiencing this? Also if I'm feeling dreadful and someone invites me to a birthday party or an event I get hyped and I'm happy until the event ends. And then I'm back feeling like shit and questioning is life really worth it and I'm angry at everything. I'm 16 btw

Felt like I just should die, even if I don't want to.

Hello guys, It must be like three days that I'm registered on Reddit (sorry if I say something weird or wrong, english isn't my first language, you can correct me if there is a mistake and you feel like it, that's not a problem I hope) and I was trying to give an advice to "people" like just an advice that I believed was good to follow if a person was in a bad situation with someone with wrong intentions someday. My point was only to help, and I never said in the comment in question that I've got all the knowledge in the world and that my advice was an order or whatever. But yet, somebody just told me that I should not have said what I said (the advice) because in her case (which was a very bad one, like a situation I hope nobody would live, even if I know that everyday people unfortunately experience it and I had too, but I never said that in my comment or in reply to her because I didn't have to and whatever) and I felt really attacked by her. Because she made me really feel like a bad person, as if I was even coupable of what would have happen to her in the past, and she told that BECAUSE she did not do what I was giving as an advice, she lived. But if she did what I have said, she would have been dead, and she made me feel really guilty about it. The point is, that I was just trying to help and she didn't have to talk to me like that. I didn't knew where to post what I am posting right now, because for the record, I've been depressed for more than ten years and I experienced like, almost one time a year (one time could be hours, days, weeks or months) of me feeling like I really should kill myself. And I'm even in one of this episode for a few weeks and everyday I try to help at least one person a day. Not to feel better about myself, but because I want to help as many people as I can and I know that it could help. It might not always work or be the better thing to do in some situations or for some people but I cannot know everybody's lives and everyone's situation and as a highly sensitive person too, I am ALWAYS trying to write/speak in the way of not trying to hurt anyone, to be as kind as possible (I am a kind person actually, so I try to be it even if I feel like I just want to die) and so on. I was feeling like a total mess last night because of the comments of this girl, because she was really telling me that I was like kind of guilty of giving not any advice but like, I was helping people to get killed in some way. She did not actually say that but I really take it badly and I still feel like, because of what she told me (a total stranger, yes) I treated myself like I was right to believe that I should kill myself because I was just a piece of shit to the world and because I was angry too and really bad, at a moment, by brother tried to told me a joke that wasn't funny and I just talked to him really really badly so he got the impression that I didn't even deserved to be talked to and left. To some point, I've been crying for hours, feeling suicidal, and even went to my mom who just told me to stay away from internet (yes at that point, but it was just some girl on reddit but, still) and I felt terrible because I don't have any real good support anywhere in real life. I don't even know why I am posting that, I guess I need it out of my chest, and was in research of kind words, and good people. I don't know if anyone would even comment or saw my post, but well. Even if I don't have a plan to kill myself and don't want any of course, I feel like I should die and I am so tired of feeling this way. I know I don't deserve that because I am a kind person and a loving person who cares a lot. I tried to post this on another sub but while I was writing, I guess I just should post it here. I don't know if I have done the best thing, but I have to go, so I guess I will see in the day if anyone would have answer me. Hope you guys have a good day, evening or night. Take care. Also, I guess the rules told me to write it was NSFW I hope I did not make a mistake, sorry to do so if I did.

I want to learn to appreciate the positive gay inclusion and acceptance, and stop letting homophobia and gay exclusion and alienation burden me

I am a feminine gay guy. So, not only am I guy, but I like being feminine too in my appearance and behavior. And especially online, I keep on and on and on coming across SO many people against homosexuality, and/or people against men being allowed to be feminine. ​ And what I have been using since I was a kid to try to help make me feel better is feel-good escapism in the forms of movies and shows. But as an adult, I can't even use that, since the type of movies and shows I'm interested in keeps excluding homosexuals and feminine guys. And even when they don't, the representation is poorly handled. ​ I love fantasy, I love science fiction, I love superhero stuff, I love animated stuff. Literally only example of a feminine male character I've seen depicted in a good proper way is in the Youtube-exclusive animated show Hazbin Hotel. And, when it comes to a homosexual male romance where you get to see the two males fall in love, share their first kiss, become a couple, and stay a couple without either one of them dying at any point? To my knowledge, it doesn't exist within these genres. ​ But I try very hard to stay positive, and appreciate what I DO have as opposed to what I dont. I got that Hazbin Hotel character Angel Dust. And I got an openly gay male character in the ParaNorman movie, and in Avengers: Endgame. So, good step in the right direction I suppose. ​ And furthermore, people ARE getting more gay-supportive, and more people are encouraging gay inclusion. So rationally, I should know better. But I keep feeling so sad and depressed and tired of life, feeling like there is no escapism properly working for me whenever I feel down. And I just don't know how to deal with it.

I have something that I don't know the name of

Hi, fellas. I will tell my history. I'm writing this at 4:46 AM on January 24, 2020. Well, I think all of this has began at early 2019. Before It all. I has to introduce myself right? My name...Well, I won't tell it. You can call me as you wish. Born early 2000s. I live in Brazil. Let's go. Like I said before, everything has start at all early 2019 (I guess). I start to imaginating me fucking with some people especially my nieces one is a kid and another a baby and I cumming on it. This impacted me...you now? Suicide. But this happen to another people why this impacted me? I imaginated me having a pee pee on my friend's girlfriend. Have a period of time that I imaginated people without their eyes. Actually has periods that I had fear of becoming blind. I don't if is because I have made jokes about a "friend" that have one eye blind. He have his moments of stupid speech but this don't justified what I have done. Have a time that I watched Gotham (2014) that Is a tv show. There is a Joker on the series, and for a period I wanted to be him, kill people you know? Why? Why? Why? Have a time in mid 2018 that I was in conflict religiously. I wanted to know that If god or satan really exist. I guess that I've prayed for my mom die? I've prayed to rain? For both? You know now I'm in conflict with the numbers 12 and 18. My nieces have been born in years that ends there. I don't know what to do. I am racist? I can't have a relationship with women. Well, once I was masturbating and when I was going to thought the name of my niece. Once I was watching porn and remembered of the name of father of my friend. It happens with one of nieces too. I think it's because the father of my friend will become our neighbor (I guess) And I have interect with my niece then this happens. And I always hated to interect with children. And this had happens. I start to hate recently my family. Seems like that the universe want me to die. I had for a period bipolarity once I was happy then sad. I have social anxiety. My life sucks. And I'm only 17. Seems like nothing is real. Some days ago I've dreamed that I was fucking with my mother. This is because that have porn video that have this genre. I start to believe that I would live a 2nd life because I want to be happy but I can't anymore. I must believe that this is a disease/mental illness because If it won't means that... I don't know actually what that means. Help me please. I'm afraid of taking a bus to search for work and lost my self. I read something I think I'm dumb and must die. Well on 5th grade I hit my self with books then... I thought I'll kill myself with overdose. But now any way must work. And more and more world goes crazy I thought kill myself is the best. I f you could help, I'll be grateful. You know what happens with guys like me on prision i saying about what ive imaginated. If you could help, I'll be grateful. I thought if i was in prision i would kill a police guard and laugh just to the others dont hurt me. People says, "Death shouldn't have to be an option", read this fucking history about me. Do you think that I have a chance? The shame of having a mental illness unknown, is bigger than me. If you could help, I'll be grateful. Ps: i've written this on my smartphone on my bed. I don't know why I've said this (PS) The imaginations has happen equal to animals, dog. I don't know why but i like me doing cool things, i imaginated me likle satan, lucifer, king of hell, prince. Maybe because i watched lucifer or like devil may cry. Watched dmc5 recently. Every day i think on suicide. I don't know if this is sad. Once on tv i saw a childhood abuse case and i didn't feel empathy (I guess)> Some time I feel empathy principal when i was reading comic books. Even when people are bad with me I imaginated them in a dangerous situation but I feel bad and save them. It happens with my brother. Mom and Papa too. Shame of being a member of my fmaily. Once I start to thing that nobody lilkes me because answered me on facebook. Very well. Then, tell me, I have the right to live?

Loneliness

It has come to the point in my life, where I just feel lonely. I know that there are people close to me, that there are people who care about me, but sometimes, I just feel lonely. I usually enjoy the feeling of being alone. I love sitting at a bench in the middle of nowhere in the darkest of night, when noone is around and nobody but the stars sees me. But I hate this loneliness... It creeps into me like a dagger, slowly pushed into my heart, wraps my brain and emotions in a blanket of coldness, softly whispering in my ear that I'm alone...that no one really cares about me... I can fight against it, I can entertain myself to not feel it. I can figth it by talking to people, by making silly jokes or watching YouTube or playing video games. But sometimes, in the middle of the day, it comes creeping back to me. It seems to be around me all the time, just waiting for the moment, I let my guard down... Just waiting to close its hands around my throat and rip my heart right out of my chest... Dragging me down into an ice cold sea of nothingness and loneliness. I know this demon of loneliness is wrong. I know, that there are people who care for me and who like me... But still, I don't know how to win against this demon.

I hate how bad I am at art, but I don't know what to do about it.

Hi, so I'm an amateur artist (like REALLY amateur), my art skills suck and despite trying for over a decade I can't seem to improve. Art has always been a passion of mine, as well as something I genuinely enjoy doing (on the extremely rare occasion that I manage to produce a slightly-less-s\*\*\*-than-usual drawing at least) so feeling like my art is stuck at the sub-deviantart level has made me incredibly frustrated and is probably the leading contributor to my depression. It's getting to the point that I'm beginning to wonder if I should force myself to avoid art in general just to keep the self-hatred at bay. The problem is that I don't know WTF I'm supposed to do about it. I tried to ignore it for a couple years, tried to tell myself art was just a phase and I wasn't into it anymore, but that didn't work. I've tried multiple methods of improvement; I've taken both private instruction and community college classes, but I seem to have terrible luck as they've all been pretty crap. I feel like I've exhausted all of my options. I haven't tried online classes, but judging by the reviews I've read for places like Udemy and Skillshare I doubt they'd be any better. I've tried looking for tips online, but all I get is basically the artist equivalent of "git gud". It seems like the only option I have left is just practice nonstop for the 20 years and hope I magically improve Saitama-style. Unfortunately, I just don't think I can do that. I've had so many setbacks and failures in my life that I genuinely don't think I have the patience to wait until I'm in my mid-40's before I'm halfway decent at drawing. Even worse, the fact that I'm colorblind and extremely nearsighted (as well as lacking whatever Matrix-vision lets you visualize an object as brush strokes and color values) makes me wonder if practice would even do me any good at all. Anyways, I've rambled too much. TL;DR - I suck at art, I don't know how to **not** suck at art, and this makes me really f\*\*\*ing depressed.

Alternative Treatments?

After almost a decade of therapy and meds, I’m officially “treatment resistant.” I don’t think I can keep going with how I feel but I don’t want to give up. So I’m looking for alternative treatments to typical psych drugs. I (21F) have depression (dysthymia, cyclical depression), anxiety (GAD, panic), OCD (with dermatillomania), and PTSD. I’m currently on Pristiq and Abilify but they don’t work. Some things I’ve tried: 1. Dozens of prescribed meds: Zoloft, Prozac, Xanax (got addicted), Cymbalta, Buspar, hydroxyzine, bupropion, Trintellix, Wellbutrin, etc. 2. Therapy: talk, exposure, acceptance, etc. 3. Supplements: NAC, l-theanine, caffeine, vitamin B, vitamin D 4. Illegal drugs: mescaline, LSD, LSA 5. Legal drugs: Siberian motherwort, dagga, CBD (not in a legal marijuana state), kava kava (tried today, helped but worried about liver + interactions with other meds) I can’t afford ketamine therapy. I’d consider microdosing LSD but I don’t have access to it currently. Anyone got any other ideas? I’m kind of at the end of my rope here.

How to talk to someone you love when they’re in a bout of depression

Depression hurts. I know this, took years to work mine out. I’m mostly stable now but hubs is struggling. Been to a couple therapists over the years but never really had any success/found one he could connect to. The few meds he tried made him worse. He holds it together pretty well most times. But when he drops he pushes everyone away, yells, and gets very defeatist; it hurts. I often find myself saying and doing the wrong things and making it worse. I have the kids go to their room and be quiet. Sometimes I get mad at his behavior until it sinks in what his brain is doing. I apologize but it doesn’t take the pain away. I don’t know how to help him. I suggest therapy but he poo poo’s me. He’s getting worse and I’m worried. Advice welcomed.

No energy

Do you ever feel like everything takes a huge amount of energy? Like even making myself some food or going to my japanese or pilate class takes soo much effort. I'm always tired and feel like my batteries are empty, and when I think of all the things I have to do I just feel like going back to bed. Even the things I usually like seem so tiresome and I everytime I have to force myself so hard to do them. Reading is the only thing I still enjoy. When friends or family come over, I afterwards need so much time to just recharge. What can I do to change that feeling? Next month a friend of my boyfriend will stay for a few days and just after that my brother in law will also stay for a few days with his wife and kid, and just to think about it makes me want to cry. I just want to stop being so powerless all the time. To top it all I sleep very badly, overthink everything. I thougt having some outside from work activities would help. I have been in therapy for depression for 15 years and the last two years went really well, so my therapist and I decided to stop. Now I just fear that my tiredness is just a symptom and that it's startig all over again. Has anyone some advice? Or ideas? Thanks for your time reading this.

First Therapy session Tuesday

Hi...uh... I'm scared.. I tried therapy once and the therapist was rly bad... and uh... I don't know what to do.. I'm very shy and can barely talk to anyone, I don't have many friends in school, and the one I have is leaving soon.. So my question is, what do I do? What do I say? What can I do to not have a panic attack for this.. I don't know what to do :/ Don't get me wrong, I want medication to be happy and help with anxiety, but the talking is what's making me anxious..

I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF

I HATE MYSELF, I'M STUPID, I'VE GOT NO REEDEEMABLE QUALITIES, I CAN'T KEEP A FRIENDSHIP FOR MORE THAN FIVE FUCKING MINUTES BECAUSE I MAKE STUPID DECISIONS AND I'M PARANOID ABOUT EVERYTHING, I MAKE TOO MANY MISTAKES, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF ME BEING HERE IF ALL I DO IS FUCK UP CONSTANTLY, I'M JUST GOING TO END UP LONELY AND NOBODY WILL FUCKING MISS ME, I'M USELESS I GIVE NOTHING TO THE WORLD, I FUCKING HATE HAVING MENTAL ILLNESS I HATE THIS, HELP ME.

There's nothing interesting to title this

I feel inferior to others, especially my crush whom i asked out and told that i like him. He's so much more confident than me. Next to him i feel like i want to run and hide. No wonder he rejected me. Everybody is better than me. He is in a club, does karate, hangs out with friends and I'm always fucking lazy. I have no funny stories to tell. I do make music but that's very inconsistent and small. I feel small. Constantly listen to videos on self compassion, self love, confidence but i don't do anything with it. Anyways i can be proud of myself that I ASKED him out and I TOLD him how i feel. He would never do that. Good job me👏

Just have no energy to do anything all day every day and feel empty

I’m so depressed to the point where I just feel empty. I don’t do anything any more. Just sit in my room mainly. I have exams currently and I can’t study for more than 20 minutes without taking a 4 hour break. Any task that I need to do is dwelled over for hours on end before actually being done. I don’t have any courage, any willpower, any energy whatsoever. I feel lost and don’t know how I can stop being like this. There’s so much other stuff wrong with me I haven’t said here. I’ve also thought about suicide quite a bit. Doubt I’d actually follow through with it, but the thoughts are there.

jumbled mess/rant? (story + requesting advice idk)

I want to see a doctor to get it clear if I have mild depression or something else. However I find it difficult to do so because I don’t know how much it would cost as I’m not financially stable and the culture and country I live in does not see depression well. I overthink everything. I think that’s a main reason why I self-deprecate. Because of that my self-esteem has dropped over the years that I feel I can’t do anything good. I am rethinking my choice of study whether it was a good decision. I don’t think I am fit to become a childcare teacher. I understand that the principal and ‘mentor’ are trying to help my future but negative thoughts just keep entering my mind. I should probably go study something different in university... it’s hard to imagine teaching children anymore. I’ve cut down on using instagram because I know it won’t do me any good seeing how others live their lives. Sometimes it just triggers my overthinking whenever I see their posts. I’ve been told I think too much, that I think for awhile before I reply when this person just wants to hear my honest answer. I think it kind of frustrates/saddens her because she wants me to vocalise my thoughts and feelings instead of bottling up, but I still do. She says she’s a call or text away but it is so difficult to contact her first because I don’t want to bother her with my problems. Well I guess I’ll just share these. Sorry if it’s really unorganised, I just needed to get some things out before I have a breakdown.

Is it possible to survive a breakup having drepression?

I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for the past two years. I became a jerk because of it and my ex left me 6 months ago but she wasn't sure. We haven't seen each other in person since then (it was a long distance relationship, so that was expected). I tried to become a better person, I started therapy and meds (Lexapro 2 weeks ago). But two days ago she sent me an email telling me she doesn't love me anymore, that she's happy without me as a partner. She also told me to stop sending her messages until I move on, that our relationship is over, but she would like to be friends some day. She sounded so condescending and harsh, she also had depression and anxiety, but she started getting better before leaving me. My hope is gone, she forgot about me so quickly now that she's not depressed when a year ago she told me she could love me forever... I doesn't matter anymore. She sees me as a problem in her past. I'm so hurt and so desperate rn... I'm stuck with her memories and it's all my fault. 6 months like this. I don't deserve anyone. I'm so tired of this feelings, I can't enjoy life anymore and I'm sure my friends are tired of me being sad. I don't deserve them either. I want to kill myself or make it stop. Did you survive this?

depression ruining my relationship and ability to enjoy things unless im distracted or drunk

I’ve always been depressed. I’m 26 now and I’ve been dating the same girl for 4 years. Sometimes I love her, i want to marry her, life together, etc. Other times I imagine myself being happier with someone else. Maybe someone more attractive or with more things in common (note: my gf already quite attractive and we share interests, not necessarily perfectly my type but nobody is). But I’ve had this with other things. I’m incapable of Happiness unless I am EXTREMELY distracted, or drunk. or both. when im not distracted, i think about everything. maybe ill never be happy. maybe ill never be skilled enough in my interests and hobbies to satisfy me. I play competitive games and always want to be on top but its never good enough. when i am working i want to learn everything i can to be successful but it is ever enough. when im with my gf and start thinking about the “perfect woman”, she is not it. but i mean, nobody is. my ideal “perfect woman” changes all the fucking time, and im not dating a super model anytime soon and even if i was i still would probably find something to criticize about her. There is something wrong with the way I think. i think? but idk what to do. I’m always overly critical of EVERYTHING. my appearance is never good enough, my work is never good enough, my foreign language skills are never good enough, my gf is never good enough, my rock climbing skills are never good enough, my home is never good enough, my voice is never good enough. EVERYTHING is flawed and I hate everything...except for when i am extremely distracted and something has 100% of my attention, or I’m drunk and have to focus 100% of something to even function. wtf do i do? i love my gf, but i dragging her down. i dont want to curse her with a life of babysitting my emotions, but when she wants to break up with me for being a downer i get even more depressed and beg her to stay because im confident she is the one in that moment.

Could you read me?

Hi everyone. I'm 18. I just entered Reddit,and I don't know how to start but I just need to talk about this because I simply can't talk to anyone around me. The text that I'm about to write is going to be very long so I think many of you will not read. Doesn't matter, I just can't take this to myself anymore. ​ Some of the things I will describe might disturb some people. I don't even know if I'm allowed to post this. But here it goes: ​ I'm a male, 18 years old (going to 19 next month) and I have been diagnosed with depression for the last three years. At first, I didn't know really what was the reason for my depression (that's why I always recommend people who don't have a actual reason to be depressed to go to therapy and take a deep look into your life. You might find something that was really hidden in your subconsciousness). ​ Well, that's what I did. ​ I am going to tell the story of my life. For some reason, writing it helps me to process my thoughts. And yes, I want people to read it because I'm just terrible expressing myself in real life, and I just want people to know, but I don't have the courage to tell it in person. ​ Okay. So I was born in Brazil (one of the reasons that I'm writing in English it's because I'm the only one in the family who speaks a little bit of English. So I'm sorry if there's some bad English here). The city that I was born is really violent, which is the reason why my mother wasn't very pleased with the idea of me going to play with other kids in the neighborhood. My father, worked his ass off during the week, but was an alcoholic, and once even tried to kill my mother. Nowadays, he's fine and they're still together. But those days were tough. So, since I was a child I was really close (and sometimes, hyper protected) to my momand the only other child company that I had was my brother, who is 3 years older than me. My brother is gay, and since always have been very feminine, and we used to play imitating pop singers and famous women. So I start to grew really feminine, but pay attention, I'M NOT SAYING THAT THE FACT THAT I WAS FEMININE IS BAD. But when I went to school, the thing was not pretty. I spent the years of 4 - 11 being extremely rejected by my male colleagues and being "accused" of wanting to be a woman and being gay. Sometimes I was interested in playing soccer like the other boys, but I knew that I would be bullied Everytime I was feminine (which was all the time). And these "masculine" activities would always have been a strange thing for me. My father was really interested in soccer, but never talk to me about it and my mother always rejected soccer (just like every other thing my father liked). My brother... Not interested. But I would still play with him of imitate female singers and sometimes, put a fake dress into us. It was pretty much this dynamic until 2010, when I was 9. My brother and I were still playing this, until, in some moment, he started to touch my penis and put my hands on his penis. I'm not gonna lie, I knew something "wrong" was happening, but I didn't actually think about it as sex. I didn't even knew what sex was, until the moment that he lay in the couch and put his penis, expecting me to blow it. Obviously, only now I realised that he wanted me to do oral sex on him, but at the time I didn't really know what he was wanting me to do. So I just stand there, paralized and nervously laughing. Later, he went to my front and put his butt in my penis and start dancing with it. I just felt so uncomfortable but couldn't get out, for some reason. I just remember crying hard at that night, just very disturbed. I just remember this fact very recently, with therapy. Since then it was just blocked from my mind. ​ At age ten, I didn't wanted to be known as a "woman" anymore. But my classmates didn't wanted to accept me as a boy. So I started to become very reclusive. Around that age I discovered horror films. And for the first time, I connected with male figures. It was Michael Myers, Freddy, leatherface. They seem to be treated just like me. And I started to wish to kill my mother. I would play with knives all the time, imagining to be a serial killer. It appeared to be my destiny. Next year, at 11, I receive the shocking news. My mother is pregnant, and the baby is a girl. I was indifferent to the girl until she was born. I'm so ashamed by this but I desired to rape her many times. One day, it was perfect to do it. It was only me and her. It was until I looked to her face. She was just a baby, I couldn't do this to her. I cried so much and I promised to myself that I wouldn't ever cause any harm to that girl. Ever. So I started to repress my admiration for psychopaths, and told myself that I wouldn't ever kill anyone. It seemed like the right thing to do. And it was ​ When I was 13, I tripped to my grandma's house, just like every year. My cousin, who is one year younger than me, was, probably the only boy I ever know that didn't saw anything wrong with me or that way I was. Actually, I spent the best times of my childhood playing with him. But at 13, something changed. One day, we were together, watching a film. He started to touch my butt and I was uncomfortable, but somehow, I wanted that. He grabbed me and was trying to have sex. I denied several times but he was being violent, almost stroking me. Somehow I liked the violence. I was enjoying that way he was telling me to shut up. I consent to him so anal sex with me. When the violence was over and started the sex it was awful. It was the most unsatisfying experience I've ever had. I couldn't believed what I just did. I just ruined the only healthy male relationship that I had for a disgusting experience. I still didn't remembered what happened with my brother, but I tried to repress this memory as well. I wasn't successful. ​ Me, at 16, didn't saw any good thing in life anymore, and the memory of the sex that I had with my cousin was still in my mind. In therapy, I accepted that experience but it just seemed that something was wrong. Of course, it was around my whole life so it was very obvious: I'm gay. Right, I'm gay. Mom I'm gay. Dad, I'm gay. World, I'M GAY. Now I'm gonna be happy. Except that I wasn't. So I decided: I'm just gonna be happy when I kiss a man. I kissed. Three. And I hated. Once I kissed a girl, but she humiliated me in front of the whole class and said that was the worse kiss ever. The other girl I was interested rejected me totally. So I just said "you what, I'm gay. I don't fucking care." I surrounded myself with gay people, feeling that I would feel part of something for the first time. I didn't. I wasn't interested in any man, except the ones that treated me badly and bullied me. Those one were straight. ​ I lived for two years as a gay man, that has never felt so unhappy in my life. Empty. The memory of what happened to me and my brother started to rise inside my head. But neglected it and just said "it's normal, boys do that". It was until the last year. when I was making coffee. I accidentally let it fall in my brother's body and, of course, he started screaming with me. At that moment, I just cried like never before. Since I was 10 I didn't cried. And I cried so hard and then hit me. I felt abused. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I'm going insane. He was only 12 when that happened, but somehow it was a different experience for me and for him. For him, it was just he exploring his sexuality. He continued his life wonderfully as a gay man. Making friends, dating men. And my life just seems ruined forever. But I can't accuse him of having abused me because I know he was only 12. How could I do that with him, when he probably didn't know what he would do with the rest of my life. ​ I just can't love him. I hate him. Sometimes I wish he was dead. Then I blame myself because I know that if he dies I'm going to feel very guilty. ​ But I don't know. I don't know if I'm gay, straight, bisexual. God I even have considered the probability that I'm trans, autistic, mental I'll, once I even considerate that I have AIDS. But I don't, I already made blood test. ​ I think I'm becoming insane. Lately I have been considering suicide a lot but... I just can't do this to my sister. She's 7 now and I love her deeply. But, at the same time, if I tell this secret, I might ruin my family forever. ​ I just feel like I'm slowly dying. My childhood dreams have disappeared. I have no future. I don't what to do. I don't have friends. ​ If you read this entirely. I'm so grateful. I don't know who you are. But I love you. Thank you for being the only person that heard me.

I feel so very empty right now

Basically I have a huge crush on my best friend and I was going to ask her out when school starts in a couple days. Today I found out that she got a boyfriend on the holidays and he just gave her a fucking diamond ring. Like a really expensive one. How do I compete with that for fucks sakes? I’m so shocked. She’s the only girl that actually likes to hang out with me and now I feel so empty inside. She helped me remain alive and now I feel so empty. I’m convinced that I will be alone forever as I’m bullied all the time and people spread rumours of me. When people say “you’ll find someone soon” I tell them that they shouldn’t lie.

My breakup is killing me

Sorry about the melodramatic title, but this really is what it feels like. I'll try to keep this story short, however I could keep on talking for hours and if someone one this sub was willing to have a talk with me by PMs I'd love to because I'm just so incredibly lonely right now. About a week ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. It was a stupid breakup and I feel like my behaviour is the reason for why we broke up, even though she too made plenty of mistakes. When I lost her I once again realized how much she meant to me and that I didn't want to lose her at any costs so I tried to get her back. But all I got were mean-spirited messages saying how she doesn't miss me, she's realized we're incompatible and that she's glad I moved out. Some days ago I created a tinder profile because I thought it'd help me get over her. Guess what, first evening on tinder I saw her profile. And it fucking killed me inside. The next days, she would routinely put some nice clothes on and leave, while I was stuck in the living room watching her leave to some tinder gate, and it killed me. That's when I realized I had to leave.. so while she was at work I packed up all my stuff and left, leaving her one last voice message that I can't take the situation and that I still want her back. That's when I got her mean-spirited message. I feel like she was all I had. People I talk to are telling me to distract myself with things that are fun to me, but frankly, I don't know what's fun to me anymore. Watching tv shows? Gaming? Playing the guitar? I feel like watching shows and gaming are just occupational therapy to me. I used to love playing the guitar, at least I think so, but nowadays I feel so fucking bad whenever I play that it's hard to call it fun either. Sports? I've gained some weight so I decided I wanted to lose \~10kg. That was a week ago, the same day she broke up with me (in fact, it's kind of the reason why we got into the fight responsible for our breakup). After that, I trained every day, thinking it'd help me lose weight. But in fact, while I lost \~1.5kg within a week, almost half of that was apparently muscle mass. I found out about that yesterday. Now I don't even want to train anymore. In the last few weeks, I found myself repeatedly contemplating "passive" suicide, as in, it wouldn't be so bad if I drove recklessly and that killed me some day, wouldn't it? Now, I feel like I actually want to die. She had issues, and sometimes those issues really annoyed the hell out of me. But who doesn't have those? I feel stupid for losing her and I feel like I won't ever be able to forgive myself. I was ready to marry this girl, but I lost her, due to my own stupidity. I won't ever find another woman like her again, I know that for certain, and I hate myself for it. I would do anything to get back with her, but she has made it clear that she's not interested in me anymore. Now I know that she will go on tons of tinder dates, kiss other guys, have sex with other guys, maybe in our shared bed and it's killing me inside. Is it jealousy? Purely hormonal? I hope it is because if this feeling goes on, I think I'm actually going to try something. I'm not in therapy, I know I should be, but my depression is making it hard to actually get a therapist. Not to mention that usually you'll have to wait a few months until there's a vacant spot. Please help me

Can anybody suggest me something to do so I can get my mind off suicidal thoughts?

I have issues with my family, and I don't even know if I have depression, but I feel so much happier when I'm not home, when I'm not around them. I spend 10 hours at school but it doesn't seem to be enough. Not only that, I have a big college entrance exam coming up in June so I'm really stressed and every time I fail at something, I feel like a freaking loser and that I should go kill myself. I know I should go to the doctor but I can't because as mentioned above, I have issues with my family, especially my mom, plus, mental illnesses or therapy isn't common here (I'm Asian) so the best thing I can do now is to get my mind off negativity by doing stuffs, at least until I can get my own money to go to the doctor myself I read, watching movies, running, programming, learning Spanish but I need more. And something that doesn't cost or cost just a small amount would be good.

I'm at the end of my ropes

Please don't try to convince me to try more meds or therapy. I've been trying for 12 years to find something that works and I'm just 23. I've also been to different therapists and have tried many types of therapy, the most recent ones being systematic therapy and CBT. Nothing has worked so far. I have stopped looking for a cure, I know it doesn't exist. But I need new ways to cope with my depression because my old coping techniques are no longer working. I have tried meditation too but seems like it does nothing for me. The only ways I could cope with my depression were doing something creative like painting or drawing and listening to music. I no longer enjoy creating things and listening to music and I've been left without hope because every day I keep getting worse and there's no way for me to cope with my depression anymore. So here's the question, what do you guys do when you feel like doing nothing besides sleeping? I am literally not in the mood for doing anything and it's tearing me apart because I've spent the last few months of my life just being a leech and a parasite and doing nothing and it's taking a toll on my mental health that's already damaged badly enough. I need help. Forcing myself to do these things doesn't help either.

I think my brother might commit suicide and I don’t know what to say to him?

My brother, like many kids used to be filled with life. He was always so happy and confident and it always amazed me how he was so good with people. Flash forward to him now being a young adult he has completely changed. Nowadays he is unbearable to be around because he is just angry. Angry at everything. I don’t know what’s going on with him. He has a serious video game addiction and that has affected our whole family dynamic because all he does his play 24/7....he’s also probably the skinniest I’ve ever seen him and he just seems gone...My Mom is in tears with worry over him because she thinks he is going to hurt himself and frankly I think so too. He’s just not the same person. I would really like any type of advice on what to do with him? Or what to say?

I just lost my best friend (he's still alive)

This is kind of a rant i just don't know what the fuck to do my best friend basically just said its over i thought he and i agreed that our friend group is toxic and one day he and i might leave it turns out since my dumb ass was so negative and trying to rant about my problems to him every day i ruined my relationship and now I'm lonely again i cant I FUCKING HATE IT I'm so lost i don't know why im so angry and sad he said he's noticed throughout the years i was so much angrier and so much sadder please help I'm i don't even know what to say i feel so disgusting my hygiene is shit so apparently that made friends uncomfortable but i stopped caring about myself so i didn't know and its so overwhelming i hate myself so much i just can't believe i was toxic because how bad my depression is why am i like this someone please help me

I'm going to see my therapist again and I want to open up about how I feel but I have to much anxiety and I feel embarrassed talking about how I feel

Hi tomorrow I go back to see my therapist that I have not seen in six months I feel like last time I was there I did not have much progress with my depression and my suicidal thoughts have gotten worse there's a part of me that wants to tell her everything but then then the other part of me is telling me no and that I don't deserve to be happy Right now I want to tell her how I feel but when I wake up tomorrow I will have so much anxiety that I won't say what I need to say and idk what to do the worse thing that could happen is her sending me to a mental hospital because I'm a minor but maybe it won't be that bad I guess I just want to feel better but I don't think I have the strength to even try Anyways my point is do any of you have advise on how I can open up to my therapist or is it to soon to open up during the first appointment back?

Why can't I talk to others about my anxieties, depression and other mental issues without breaking down into tears?

Whether it be friends, parents or anyone else, I just can't talk about my own issues without breaking down. This then causes me to think even less of myself in the process and as usual I just bottle it all up. Even if I were to get psychologist help, I am certain that it would go nowhere and I would look like an utter idiot. Does anyone have any similar experience and/or suggestions?

online friend is seriously considering suicide, and I don't know how to help

there's this girl who I met through a discord server that has been dealing with depression for a while (she's currently on antidepressants, but she doesn't feel that they're working for her and when she brought it up to her parents, they just said they're not working bc she isn't trying hard enough or something), and she's recently been talking a lot about committing suicide. she's mainly been saying that it's because "she'll never be happy" and "she's just a burden on everyone". I and several other people from the server have been trying to explain to her why that's not true, but it feels like she isn't really listening. is there anything else that I or anyone else from the server could do to help her?

I don’t know what I feel anymore

I have been depressed since I was 16 years old (I am 19 now) last year was very hard for me, I had a suicide attempt, which caused me to have depersonalization. my depersonalization lasted a few months and all year I suffer from depression. I adopted a kitten and my depression disappeared a little, every night I cried myself to sleep but with her I sleep better at night. A new year's purpose was to be more sociable, make new friends, go out and do everything I didn't do because of my constant depression. everything was going well, I even met and I had a date with a guy who made me feel things I hadn't felt in a long time. but now none of my friends talk to me, not even the guy who used to talk to me every day until midnight. they even lied to me to exclude me from plans. I try to talk to them but they ignore me. Tbh I felt sad about it, but now I don’t even know what to feel, I don’t feel anything, I’m not happy, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I feel disappointed and I don’t want to go back to my depression lifestyle.

Do I have depression?

Everyday I wake up with an unsettling feeling in my stomach, it's such a challenge for me to get out of bed and get to school. I used to have a drive to do amazingly academically and become someone I've always dreamed of.. But now I don't see the point. Every lunch time I just sit in the bathroom stall, each day feels so painfully long. I hate it. Most of my friends have betrayed me, so I don't enjoy hanging out with anyone at school. I don't want to talk to my school counseller about my problems, I have a fear of being judged by someone who doesn't know me, and I feel like my reasoning for skipping school is so invalid. My mum is so angry and thinks I'm playing a game with her. She keeps telling me "there's not long to go just keep pushing yourself", and I realise that but it's still so hard for me to get up every morning.

What do I say to people who ask what's wrong?

I'm in a funk. No real reason why. Nothing has set me in a downward spiral. In fact, I should be super happy since we just bought a new house that I love. I AM happy about it. I love my house. But here I am again having no energy for personal relationships, fighting the urge to end all of my friendships because I just don't want them. It's not urges to just end the friendships, but destroy friendships, burn all bridges. My work was being affected and I took a day off on Tuesday just because I didn't want to be there. I have never taken a day off for no reason. I am sure this will pass and I'll be fine again. But what do I do in the meantime? What do I say when people ask if everything is ok? Or when they say something is up with me? There is literally nothing for me to be upset about right now. I am afraid I am going to come off whiny or just self pitying.

Relationship possibly costing me my mental health

Hopefully I don't go too long with ranting and what not so I'll try to keep it short. My GF and I have been in an on/off relationship for 7 years and have been together since highschool. [25M/24F]. Last summer she broke up with me over because she wanted to experience other things which she didn't come up front and said that I just figured. It was an extremely rough month for me after that but slowly got over it. Few months later Over the holidays she decides to try and come back into my life. I tried not to sleep with her for a bit since I knew that's what she wanted at first. Now we're back together but I found out that she slept with what was a close friend over the break up. She also was dating someone off tinder for majority of the break up and all of this is just really fucking me up. I really love this girl and I am trying to move forward since she claims that she loves me and wants to have a future with me. I want all of that as well, it's only been a month since we're trying to work things out again but there are days like these where I don't know if I could let this go. I want to so bad and recently I've been losing myself over this whole situation. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel so many emotions when I get caught up thinking about all the shit she did during the break up. Anyone have any suggestions or advice on this? Please. All is appreciated. (I would go to a relationships subreddit but I'm afraid of negative feedback given there and I'm feeling like I'm legitimately depressed)

Girlfriend with depression pushes me away

Hello, Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a few months now and everything was going good. I could see her love and smile and she was constantly there to either do something or help me. Now I know she had a history of selfharm and depression and I'm not one to change her for what she feels, because I know that's almost impossible in the case of depression. Still I told her that I'm there for here whenever she's in need. Yet ever since a week or two ago she started pushing me away and started to cut herself again. Before we started the relationship she told me she would probably push me away and said that she didn't mean for it to happen and was sorry if she would hurt me in any way. To be honest I didn't really think it would be this bad, but that's not the thing that hurts me the most. Personally, as a loved one, I think that seeing your loved one slowly fade away is the most painful part. It feels as if someone took over her body. I talked to her about it and I know she still cares about me, because she doesn't want me to feel bad. I told her that I would manage and that I would always be there for here and love her no matter what, but I don't know if I did the right thing or not and would like some advice in how to help her get through this phase. Lots of love and respect for all those who deal with this.

todays polotical news is making me so...hurt and angry!

todays polotical news is making me so...hurt and angry! AAAAAAAAAAAARGh! I just...I don't know what to do. News about 45 suggests he'll get off the hook. And I'm wondering where the justice is to hold him and the rest of these people acountable. Why should so many people get hurt? and suffer because of there egos! I don't know I guess it just doesn't feel fair how many people struggle with basics. Meen while they complain about there suits, there cars, there fancy food. All the while countless people would (I hope) love to complain about a house, and what to have for breakfast.

What happens when I have tried all medications and still have no improvement?

Around 8 years ago I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorders. I didn't take it as seriously as I should have, because now I believe I've added major long term depressive to the list. I have tried 2/3 of the ABCs of SS(N)(D)RIs, the missing third is above my price range. I'm worried that I will exhaust all choices for medication, and more worried about what that means is next for me. I've expressed to family members I would be willing to do electro shock therapy if they still do it Any input is welcomed, whether it's a success story or just general help. I'd like to know what choices I may have

Feeling trapped..

I feel like I’m losing what bit of control I had, and it’s really beginning to show since I’ve become unable to work in the last few weeks because of my epilepsy... I’m starting to become more paranoid, I’m hearing things, I wake up thinking someone is in my apartment, I’m losing weight, I can’t make myself get out of bed or make a phone call. It’s only been a year since I was diagnosed with epilepsy and I think I seriously underestimated how much it was going to hurt my (already not excellent) mental health. I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt in Sept 2018, and was diagnosed with epilepsy in Oct 2018. I do my best to maintain myself, but things have been really tough. As things increase in stress, I’m getting closer to a huge episode and it’s freaking me out. I don’t know what to do with myself. My mom sent me some bullshit audiobook about self-help CBT, but any of my half-assed attempts to listen just wear me out or make me frustrated. I nearly threw my phone at a wall because it kept crashing when I was trying to install a self help app. I’m lost. I find myself rejecting any opportunity to get help. I don’t know what to do.

My dog is going to die soon (I think) and my family jokes about it.

I’ve had my dog Kai since I was 9 so he’s 11 now I think. He’s basically been my emotional support animal for the past 11 years and I’ve come to rely on him through much of my struggles. My family loves him but doesn’t really like him much. He just smells bad and no one really knows why. So they always joke about him dying even though they know it hurts me. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know what I’ll do when he dies. I have a therapist but I don’t really have anyone else I confide in about these things besides my wife but she makes jokes too. The last time I had a dog die it almost killed me. We had her while we had Kai. I’ve just not prepared myself for when Kai dies and I’m scared it might shatter me too much. If you guys have any advice on somethings I can do to prepare and to handle this situation that would be amazing. Thank you all for all the support.

I think I just lost my only support system. TW: suicide

I’ll keep this short and to the point. Last night I got VERY drunk with my boyfriend, I said something that made him very upset (I can’t remember what it was) and then I asked to borrow his gun to kill myself, the reason being that all I do is cause him distress. it’s the day after and I have no idea what to do. Leave him alone, check in on how he’s doing? I love him a lot. He’s the most understanding person I have and he puts up with a lot in terms of my mental illnesses, depression included. Sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit to ask this. I have no idea what to do. Thanks for reading

Am I too demanding? How to deal with cultural differences

I am a master student that study abroad. I had miscalculation on financial stuff and everyone in my new country is very individualistic. So they told me to find my own way and I got unlucky met some horrible people and I got PTSD for awful events. Every time I asked people at the university or government what should I do to fix my problem. They told me to find a friend if I could not figure it out by myself. The problem is most people here don't make a new friend after high school. A new friend won't help me to do stuff. I should get a close friend because I keep getting the answer you can use google or I cannot help you. I don't like to go to a party or bar. I am too depressed to do fun stuff. I am tired with a suggestion about joining student association because I did that and I only met students that only want for FWB. And female students mostly busy with their boyfriend. So I thought I need to find boyfriend too because no one wants to make a new friend. My psychologist told me to find an online friend. However, when I told my problem to people that I met online in my the new country, most people would reply with, "You should search people in real life" or "You seems put lots of chores to your friend" or "You should stop searching for boyfriend". I know people my new country is famous for being rude and direct. But I'm still don't know what should I do. I usually only ask like translation or things like guidance if I have a certain condition. I just need support and was wondering if support is too much to ask for people in the western country?

I think I need help but too scared/embarassed.

Last year I went to the doctor and told him I was feeling down but I just couldn't get myself to say depression for some reason. It felt too real and obviously he belleved nothing I said and told me the basics- eat properly, sleep, excercise. I thought I'm never going to talk to anyone ever about it again Now I keep having thoughts and I am honestly scared I will do something.. I have no one to turn to. No one would believe me because on the surface I have everything going for me how could I ever be depressed. I told my parents they didn't believe it and told me I am just stressed/its a phase

Does anyone else punch themselves as a way of self harm?

Every once in awhile I’ll punch myself in the face when a very intense bout of depression sets in. Usually it’s when someone starts talking in depth about sex and relationships, and the magic surrounding it. It’s therapeutic and part of myself thinks I should be punished. I guess I can’t really express my emotions either because people will find it too dramatic and silly, as I have been told before. No one takes my emotions seriously. I’m too afraid to cut my wrists and the endorphin rush from the punches feels so good afterwards, but it hurts and my face swells up. I make sure not to hit my jaw. I feel like it’s the only way I can calm down. Everything feels so smooth after I’m done. I’ll only do this every so often though, it’s not consistent but I think I might start doing it again. Does anyone else self harm in this way? Have you found an outlet to stop self harming?

My life is meaningless, and I’m struggling really hard with pain and emptiness. Anyone feel the same way...?

Every day is just bleh. I have no purpose, no reason to live, so every day ends up feeling empty. I dissociate heavily all the time, so it feels like my life isn’t even mine anymore, in the passenger seat of my own body, as if my strange hands and floating disembodied voice don’t belong to me. I don’t recognize the stranger in the mirror. I want to cry with every ounce of my being, but I just can’t, no matter how hard I try. There is no release. Basic personal hygiene requires so much mental energy that it just ends up getting neglected entirely. How can I think about brushing my teeth when I don’t even want to get out of bed? Hell, when I don’t even want to wake up? It’s all way too much to put into words, and this post is already pretty long. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for making it to the end of this novella.

I need help

I'm going to go do it,become a statistic. My life is miserable and I can't take it. I've had dreams of becoming a game developer,programmer,artist,and animator but these are all done. I wanted to become my role models,Like elon musk or Walt Disney,or heck an manga artist or Stan lee,but it's over. My life is over. I can't keep living on like this,no friends,a bad reputation for jerking off in the bleachers of my gym,I can't take it. I don't know why I do these things, I don't have good grades,I'm not like the other kids who're smart,funny,athletic I guess,and have friends that are the same thing. I'm not happy,everyone else is,I'm just a burden to everyone else that tries to help me. Cobra#2289 is my discord,send me some last comforting messages before my peaceful end.

I want to get help but I'm scared of having a diagnosis on my record.

So I've finally hit the point where I think I might need to get help professionally, in the form of seeing a psychiatrist or therapist or whatever. My issue is that I'm paranoid of having any sort of mental health diagnosis on my medical record. What are the pros and cons of this? The first thing I can think of is the fact that I own a decent amount of guns (I'm not suicidal, there's no reason it would be unsafe for me to own them) and I'm worried they may take them (please leave personal politics out of that issue). Other than that it's mainly just being scared of whatever, if anything, I'm diagnosed with following me around on my record. Any one offer any insight? I'm torn between wanting to get better and just leaving well enough alone.

I thought college was supposed to be better

Everyone always told me that when you get to college, everything is better. You meet more people like you, you make so many friends, and every thing is great. But ever since I've gotten here I feel like my depression has spiraled out of control. I look around and see everybody seemingly having a good time and I feel like shit; I should have more friends and I should go out more but instead I'm just stuck with nothing and no one. I am so, so lonely and I just feel as if no one cares. Everybody else has made so many friends, they've all gotten significant others, they've all found their niche, and I'm just here. I am just so, deeply sad. I just don't know what to do anymore.

My boyfriend just told me out of nowhere he woke up and was sad he was still alive.

And when I say out of nowhere I really mean it. He had never shown any signs of being that negative before... and then he essentially has heart failure and lands up in hospital a few hours later. I had no idea it was that bad. I thought we were working through the occasional negative thoughts and getting better. I have no idea what to do or how to help. I just want him to be okay

I am beyond Pissed of spiraling out of control and need someone to help sort me.

I felt like maybe I was growing in the last 6 months. I made a group of friends I could talk to for the first time. A group that would hang out all the time have a great time and just do everything together. About 2 months in I opened up to one of them after having really bad day. They said I could always trust them and they wouldn’t leave me. Here I am a few months later and they call saying that they can’t come and talk to me ever when I need it. I told them I was overwhelming as a person because I’m so depressed and negative and that they would want to be done and they would stop coming over when I needed help. I was told however “don’t worry I won’t ever leave you alone” but as I had expected I was right and now they are giving up. I am beyond angered and sad and frustrated that I put all of my trust 100% into this person who even has told me to open up to the rest of that group. But now the whole group has a slight fear of me because depression is scary even for people who aren’t actually depressed because they just don’t know what to do sometimes. I am no longer treated the same by the rest of the group and the one I trusted with everything has left me in complete shambles and my mind is freaking out. I am not really sure how to deal with this stuff because I don’t have much time to do things or the energy to do much for myself. Any suggestions on how to sort my head or at the very least I don’t know just acknowledging that I’m doomed as always would be great. Or just you know the whole yeah people suck nobody can be trusted everyone lies and nobody could ever handle the worthless person you are. Because that’s what my head tells me right now.

I told my mom that I wanted to kill myself

One year ago, I was cleaning my house and accidentally broke the broom, my mom started yelling at me that I was worthless and useless and I had a panic atack, she started berating that I was faking which was not true, I could not breathe. I started crying while she screamed at me and exploded. I told her that I did not wanted to be alive and she screamed that maybe I shoukd kill myself. I don't think she is bad, but she has created a lot of problems in my life, she mames me feel really bad and I wanted to tell her that. Recently I heard her and my father say that I was not a normal human being, it hurts. I want to open to her and make her realize that she hurt me a lot. How should I aproach this to her?

List of ways to treat yourself

So I’m writing a list of nice things to do for myself when I really feel awful and have been too mean to myself. Was wondering what pick me ups you guys have as I want this list to be super super long and range from things that are completely free like painting my nails to paying for things like a massage, things that require barely any effort for the days I can’t get out of bed like maybe songs to play and things that are super adventurous and cool for those few days I have bursts of energy and ambition. Absolutely anything you can think of!!

Being suicidal and scared to die

So for as long as I can remember I have been depressed, I don't mean that in the "oh yeah I've been sad for a while" I mean I was first formally diagnosed with clinical depression at age 6 in 1997. I like to joke that it's my longest lasting relationship. So what brings me to write this post? I've been in a horrendous depressive episode for the last 18 months (over my live I've been depressed all but 6 years, but it comes and goes in waves) steadily it's been getting worse and worse, becoming suicidal, secluding myself, and all the other lovely things that go with it. I want to die, I don't want to be here anymore, and before you suggest medication, I've been on every medication for depression also multiple for anxiety and a couple antipsychotic meds too. Counselling has never worked for me, I stopped doing illicit drugs years ago stopped smoking, stopped drinking, tried exercise and diets. Yet, I still have suicidal thoughts and feelings everyday, all day, and night. I wake up sad that I have woken up. I go to sleep hoping that I have stroke or heart attack that kills me in my sleep. I've planned my suicide so many times and in so many different ways, (I have attempted suicide a few times in the past). Now to the crux of my problem, I want to die, but I'm scared of actually being dead. Any thoughts or suggestions will be welcome. Thanks.

i cant do this

idk what to even say. it doesnt matter what i say its fucking stupid. im fucking stupid. im not even me. idfk what i am. its so weird. i hate myself. all i want to do is put my self in the most extreme amount of pain possible. its all i deserve. i want to kill myself so badly but i dont feel worthy of being free and i dont want to upset my family. i just need help but this shit controls me and it wont let me get it and i cant fight against it. i need someone to sort find out for me and help ig but i don't deserve that. i dont even know how to put the hatred i feel towards myself into words. i cant describe how i want to hurt myself in words. i just think of myself burning or digging my nails into my skin and peeling it off slowly just really painful things. if im not thinking about that, im just thinking im so tired i should kill myself im so stupid i want to kill myself i want to sleep and occassionally a thought that isnt actually related to any mental illness. im not me. these mental illnesses are me. they control me. there is no me. its like im possessed and they control all my thinking. im going to kill myself one day and i cant stop it. in so scared that ill hurt myself the way i deserve and upset my family. im sorry i dont want to bother anyone fuck i sound so dumb. i just need a place to talk about how i feel

I started isolating myself again

Struggled with depression for a long time, I'm currently doing ok in my life. I got sick a few weeks ago and cancelled all my plans, since then I've really struggled with making any. After work I sometimes message some people but mostly just watch TV. Every weekend my parents go out to meet friends and I stay at home alone. I've slowly been getting back to messaging and calling certain friends, but I keep avoiding or cancelling making plans. This is partially due to low energy but also because my self hatred is so bad that I'm convinced all these lovely people secretly hate me and don't ever want to spend time with me and I'm doing them a favor by not being in their lives as much

Does it ever get better?

I hope with all my heart that life gets better. That I am escape the isolation and depression, but I just lack sufficient evidence. I want to believe you can change your life, but are there really any success stories? Can someone truly comeback from the brink? I can’t withstand the sexless loneliness, isolation, intimacy deprived existence I live. I’m in school and I know what I want to do but it’s a very, very slim margin I make it. I’m couch surfing and scrounging by. Nothing looks good right now. Sometimes I feel like the universe is punishing me, like some kind of evil synchronicity, it just keeps showing me things I can’t have or baiting me into positive change only to take it all away, just to twist the knife. Does it ever get better?

Am I a bad person?

My depression on my new meds has gotten so much worse that I cant look after my animals every day. I have a lepoard gecko and a cat. Today was litterbox day and I change my geckos water and check his temperatures every day, usually. I didnt do anything for my gecko or clean the litterbox. Sometimes I forget to feed my cat and give her fresh water for a few hours too. Am I a terrible person? I cant give them away, theres nowhere really for them to go. They're the only reason I'm still alive and I cant even do the bare minimum for them. I'm going to bed so if I get responses I won't reply till morning. Sorry.

I'm scared and i just want to be loved M (16)

I'm so lonely i keep making posts as a desperate attempt to have some kind of connection i guess i don't even know what the hell I'm doing any more I just want to be loved i have shit hygiene and it i don't have any talents depression makes life on hell nightmare mode so even taking a shower is fucking hard I'm so lost and i might be put in a mental hospital soon i lost my best friend because I'm so needy and vulnerable my depression and negativity drove him away my mom just says have faith in god but who the fuck even is that it hurts life hurts so much i truly just want to be held and cry in a girl's arms I'm pathetic i feel vad for making all these posts i just need to get these thoughts out of my head somehow i guess

I feel empty, lonely

It's been some time from my last break up that happened 2 month ago and I can't go on and leave it behind, but that is only aggravating circumstance, it all began some time earlier when I realized that we were talking less and less, I stopped progressively to get out except when I need, from the break up I feel worthless, hopeless and useless, also I got no friends at all to help me a little All of this makes me think that I will be always alone P.s. Sorry for eventual grammatical errors, I'm not english

I don't feel like a real person

I've been feeling better but I still feel like I'm not a person and that I shouldn't expect the good things that happen to others to happen to me, because I'm not one of them. I try and pretend really hard to be a real person but I know I'm pretending. I don't get happy or excited, I'm not motivated by passion or enjoyment. I don't have those feelings. I'm looking to feel as distant from my hopelessness as I can, but that doesn't mean I'm happy, just less hopeless. I feel like I should limit my impact on real people as much as I can, and not get in the way of them being happy. I feel like this world is created for real people and I just slipped through by accident, and as long as I don't get in the way they will tolerate me when I'm with them. I feel like they can see me pretending, and they know I'm not real, but they go along with it because of how pathetic I am, and they don't want to feel bad for showing me that I'm not real. I know that this perspective is not reality, but that's how it feels. I've never met another not real person, I feel very alone I'm not in danger, I got past that a few months ago. I finally asked for help about 6 months ago after hiding it for 10 years. I don't really know how to talk about or think about the way I feel, and I'm trying to figure that out. I'm posting it hear because my next therapy session isn't for another 2 weeks and I don't really know what to do with this. I wanted to ask if anyone has felt this way and eventually not, because I don't know what it's like not to feel like this. I can't imagine living like this and being happy. Most days I feel like I'm able to pretend to be a person less and less, and I'm scared for what that will look like as time goes on.

Awful nightmares and bad sleep

So I’ve (23f) been diagnosed with depression since 18. Meds only semi work and i have a few people i know i can count on as support but over the last couple months I’ve been experiencing extreme night terrors. What makes them worse is how realistic they feel, as I’m sort of semi conscious when they happen. It makes it harder for me to distinguish what’s real and what isn’t. Someone im incredibly close to saw me have one, apparently i was crying and thrashing like crazy and when i finally snapped out of it i was a mess for ages even as they held me and tried to bring me back from the horrible head space i was in. It’s made me reluctant to sleep as I live at home with parents and sleep alone and when it happens i end up getting no sleep as I’m terrified of it happening again so won’t try to go back to sleep. I’ve tried adapting the mentality of ‘suck it up’ and forcing myself back to bed after it happens when I’m on my own but I struggle to get out of that head space and still lose a good hour or so of sleep before i finally feel comfortable enough to sleep. I was wondering if there’s anything i can do when im on my own to calm and ground myself quicker after it happens?

i just need someone with me

ive been so upset all week bc i cant describe how im feeling to ppl who want to helo and i feel like im asking for help without giving anyone anything to help me with but i just kinda realized that i dont actually want to talk about it really bc i dont know what to say. but i still need the support. like i just wish someone was next to me all the time and making sure im ok and giving me hugs but nobody irl knows and theyre not going to know bc the last thing i deserve is help or someone to be kind to me. i deserve to rot and force myself to live with this shit for as long as possible. im unworthy of help and love and idk what will make me believe otherwise. i should shut the fuck up and let everything build up so i explode and make myself live through the worst days ever bc i feel like its all i deserve. im such a stupid ugly dumb attention seeking whore and the more i talk the more i feel like im confirming those things

Will it ever go away? (Self Harm/ suidical thoughts-- Trigger warning!)

Will it ever go away? I thought that I beat this sh\*t, but what happened last night said otherwise. I have suffering from depression for a whole year! It started last year, 2 semesters ago, with it being compounded with ADHD led to an emotional devastation. It had gotten so bad that I would self harm everynight using an absurdly sharp keys to scratch my upper right arm (I am a lefty) and one night I decided to cut myself three times using scissors. During that semester I would often write (I wrote like Da vinci to make it harder for others to read!) things about the emotional pain and that I wanted to die. After the semester was over my mom pressured me to get help. I was put on meds. After awhile and an additional medication I felt better, though took awhile to feel better. Fast-forward to today, well last night. When I just bursted into tear and cried myself to sleep, and lately I been having passive suicidal thoughts and I sometimes wish that one night that I will go to sleep and not wake up. In addition, to ADHD and depression I also got GAD and I had a panic attack today (YAYYAYAYAYYAY!!). My depression is coming back, and now I have issues with GAD, and the only thing I want is for my depression and GAD to go away! I am tired of suffering, depression and GAD needs f\*ck off!

I don’t know how to get help.

I’ve tried therapy and it just feels so fake, it’s so awkward talking to someone and then paying them afterwards. It just feels like they don’t really care. I’m on medication but it doesn’t do anything. I don’t feel any different. I don’t want to talk to my friends about it cause I don’t want them to see me differently. I don’t want to bother them with my problems cause i know they have their own problems. It just feels like there’s no solution.

Just wanna let something’s out (apparently NSFW)

So I didn’t have the perfect life growing up but I never realized it As a child I was naive I didn’t understand then horrors in my life The older i grew the more I realized I was sad I didn’t like the things around me anymore slowly I started understanding everything. Now here I am a 19 year old obese RY depressed bisexual anxiety ridden girl who can’t do anything right in the eyes of my parents I’ve had constant suicidal thoughts but never could go through it I can’t even do that right I’ve isolated myself from my family I failed high school I’m struggling to get into college No one believed I can do it except mkt Mum but I know every time I screw up she looses faith in me Believe me I screw up a lot. Now im mostly numb inside with The occasional break down every two days where I cry out my body water content. It would be so simple if I fell asleep and never woke up again

Trapped in my thoughts

I'm stuck in my own depressed thoughts to the point where I can't sleep. I was so happy today at work, I had a conversation with the cute new guy, I had conversations with customers. The only bad thing that happened to me today was my annoying manager but she's annoying everyday. As soon as I got home I started to get stuck in my thoughts again. The people I thought were friends don't hang out with me anymore. I'm anti social, alone and have no one to talk to. I want to get into a relationship but all I do is cry all the time, nobody wants a depressing crybaby. Even my grades are dropping not because I can't understand the material but because my bedroom is a dark unproductive place. I just sit here and cry all the time, I'm even crying right now. But I have no one to talk to or no where to go. I can't stay after school and I don't know how to make friends. Even if I did they would leave me because I'm always depressed. I need help.

help?

(14) don't know what to do.. i'm stuck.. in failing, i'm stressed and the only person i love in this word isn't alive anymore.. i don't see a point in continuing.. i'm not going to college, i'm not getting married or having kids.. and i don't see the point.. i just want live to be over.. i'm not gonna hurt myself bc i don't have the strength to, i just wish and hope something bad will happen in my sleep and i never wake up, or someone runs me over or something.. idk...

Is it all even worth it?

Just to start it off, I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF. But recently I've just been overwhelmed and I don't have anyone with whom I could share this. So basically before the winter break(week ago) everything was going great. I went on a friendly "date" with my crush that went well, my engineering contest was going great (my biggest dream is to get into MIT and I am capable) and school was fine. Fast forward to a few days ago when it all started going to shit. My crush left for a ski trip and gone cold, don't know if I did something wrong (I have Asperger's and I'm a typical stereotypical nerd, aka no dating skills, basically I don't pick up on the subtle hints at all) or is it just the trip, I can't stop thinking about it and her, it's very hard for me to find girls that I would call compatible, basically someone with a deep passion for something that basically defines them. That makes me distracted from my work which stresses me out even more. The contest I'm taking part in is also kinda collapsing and I'm very worried that I'll loose thousands of hours of CAD work and 500$ (in my currency 1500) that I invested into the project that I was promised back. Another team posted pictures that made me really anxious because of their complexity compared to the other teams and given their perfect score they might win. And the school part, my homeroom teacher that basically told me that he doesn't give a shit about me or my goals and that my reasons for joining this contest are wrong and that it's all my fault that it's gone to shit and that I'm a tyrant who takes away all the work from my teammates which is totally false because they haven't done a thing and basically don't care, anything I proposed I was told to do myself and most of the tasks of the other teammates also "partially" fell on me, like: "Hey can you help him with that?" It got so bad that I had to get outside help which made my teacher even more mad so he started insulting me straight to my face, as well as behind my back, saying he doesn't want anything to do with me and basically disrespect my entire work and from my schoolmates tell me he is quite proud of it, it got to the point where my parent had to go and talk with the school. (I wanted to press charges) More fun news came when all of our sponsors pulled out before we could sign a contract with them so we got no money ATM so basically I'm getting shit at school invested 10x time than anybody in the project as well as the 1500 that I may not get back, also possibly severe lung issues. And now I'm on vacation and I feel helpless since I can't get anything done here and I feel like I don't deserve it and that it's not the time for R&R when the project is going critical, I also need this because MIT looks at stuff like that, it's a very prestigious and demanding STEM contest. And right now I just feel empty, unloved, alone, anxious, stressed and hopeless, I have to be happy or otherwise my family will be mad at me for ruining the holidays which puts even more pressure on me. I had a similar situation already a few years ago(choosing a school) where I got close to attempting to take my own life, took me 2 years to recover, I made myself a promise that it would not repeat with MIT and now I feel like it might happen and that I will be left with nothing and alone, just an empty shell devoid of happiness and any hope for tomorrow. I'm requesting support but I have no idea what could help me rn.

Am I a disappointment??

So, I’ve been on tinder for some time now. I have match with several girls and had a conversation with only 2. Each one I’ve talked, it seemed like that they might have an interest in me, but that may be the desperation in me since I’ve never had a date or girlfriend in my 21 years of existence. After some time passes, they both just completely stop talking to me like I don’t exist. I feel like once they stop talking to me, they think I’m just another random person. All I want is one girl to date and do stuff with. I’m not trying to get into their pants. I personally think that I’m a huge disappointment, even tho I have a lot of potential in life.

I feel empty and I don’t know how to fix it. To the point where it hurts

Before I was diagnosed with clinical depression(last year I was going through a tough time) , but I don’t know if I came back or not. It’s something that comes and goes every few days, and sometimes it’ll stay for weeks. I just have the empty feeling, and it gets tight in my chest. I feel like I’m missing something but I don’t know what. Do I need a boyfriend? But I’m only 16 is it necessary? But then again that would be nice.. Is it my grades? I just don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna continue drugs and behaviors that fill the pain in for only a couple hours anymore. I want to fix it. I don’t know if this is just a need for attention, but I’d rather not tell my parents not anyone. I want to fix the problem on my own. I don’t want anyone to think I’m weak, I just want this problem fixed. I know I sound over dramatic but it sucks. I’m not good at explaining things, I can’t focus, and i don’t like asking for help so I’m sorry if reading this is a mess.

proof to mom i actually am depressed so that i can get a therapist

so i’m pretty sure i have depression and anxiety but i’m asian so of course asian parents do not believe in these stuff. i wanna see if there’s any way to see if i’m actually depressed. i don’t know if anyone can help me with that. like maybe give me extremely subtle signs of depression and anxiety? or actually give a good website that ask things other than how much you cry or if you lose interest in stuff. if anyone could reply to this i would appreciate so much!

What do I say to him?

What do I say to him? My (26F) brother (23M) attempted yesterday. Thankfully he was not successful. He called to say goodbye and tell me the he loved me. He did the same to some friends and left a note for my parents. This was a very serious attempt. He has had a lot of exceptional stressors lately in addition to the fact that he has been suffering from depression since 2018. He drove a car at 90mph into a telephone pole. Thankfully, he is getting help now and will be getting voluntary inpatient treatment until further necessary. I’m going to see him on Monday. What do I say? What do I do? I don’t want to make it all about me when I see him. I’m angry, scared, and very sad about this. I’m planning to get therapy for myself to cope with the anger, trust issues, and overwhelming sadness that comes with this event. Info: I am a nurse practitioner and also suffer from depression so I have a solid understanding of the disease. I don’t know what to say to him because I don’t even know where to begin. Kind feedback welcome.

I don't know what's hit me today. Feeling hazy, disconected, lethargic. a malaise fog. Was ok, yet rediculously iritable on thursday even though I loved my workout.

I don't know what's hit me today. Feeling hazy, disconected, lethargic. a malaise fog. Probably some of it from [Methocarbamol Uses, Dosage & Side Effects - Drugs.com](https://www.drugs.com/methocarbamol.html) because I had slept in a shape sort of like a pretzel wensday after the gym. But today just have had no energy, uncomfortably disoriented to which in of it self is concerning. Binged a bunch of cookies listening to a hillarius rifftrax. And that's also frustrating because it's so counter productive to getting weight down. Felt upset and weepy at how out of shape I've gotten. One therapist thinks welbutrin would help, that does a number on my GI and makes me physically tense. My main one is at a loss. I really want to get recharged so as I can get back to planet fitness, and just out of the house. I'm also so over these moodswings.

Advice on handling negative thoughts and depression

Hi everyone, I'm looking for sources of information/books to read/videos to watch to help me overcome my depression. I've had a lot of negative thoughts in my head for a very long time. Usually involving self hatred and a strong feeling that I'm unworthy of care, love and affection. It's definitely hurt my relations with those around me and has affected my moods and ability to function. More recently, I've experienced severe depression (from the end of last year), that culminated in me attempting to end it all in early February. I really want to try and get better but I keep finding myself slipping and the huge amount of self loathing comes back in a massive wave. I don't really have any close friends to talk about this with, although at the university I'm really fortunate to have access to an affordable psychologist who I can see once in a while. I'd like to try different techniques to help me progress and get healthy and any advice on how to do this or what to read would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading :)

Does online therapy work? / existing is just bad, isn't it?

I've been going to therapy for a while now and I'm currently taking medication (I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist), but it seems like nothing is changing. In fact, things actually seem to be getting worse. My psychologist is very kind and smart, but she doesn't know what to do with me anymore. I have things I know I have to work through, but I'm not able to talk about them, most of the time because I am ashamed and fear the judgement, even though I am aware that she is a professional and is there to help. I keep withholding information from her. So I've been thinking about trying online therapy. Just writing down my thoughts and sharing them with a professional I don't have to face. I think I have avoidant personality disorder, and that's why I am struggling so much with getting the help I need. Has anybody here tried this? Could you share your experience with me? Thank you, byeee =\^-\^=

When is it enough?

(F26) I am a person having my own struggles with depression and anxiety and lately panic attacks. After having read so many stuff online about all these things trying to understand them and unscrew myself, i still feel like i'm standing at a dead end. I'm in the peak years of my life, i should be working on myself. I should be living the life, making friends, having good days and nights. That's the reason i moved to another country in the end, to make a better life for myself, not drown in self pitty and sorrow. But the lack of motivation and fear of repeating mistakes from the past is paralyzing and thinking leaves me with barely enough energy to get out of bed and drag myself to work. How does this happen, it was never this severe. Thinking about seeking professional help makes me even more anxious because of the language barriere. I can't concentrate at work or even try to be friendly with my coworkers and i know how it looks, i made almost zero friends in a year since i'm here and i don't like myself as a person or my actions. I am acting completely irrational and i feel like there's no one to talk to. How do you break this toxic circle?

Having a problem with the everyday lately...

So I in the slow process of leaving my husband of near twenty years... there have been times where he has laid his hands on me and times when he’s been super mean and really put my ego to the test. And now as I finally am teaching myself to step away and see him as he is, he is being way overly sweet and this... this is the face of him that makes me panic and think... maybe he’s changing... maybe it really is me who is crazy... lately I’ve been fantasizing about a permanent end to it, and I know it is my depression leading me into that way but it is what it is...

Is this one of the signs?

Hello people. For the last few years i noticed that if i sing a childhood show theme song i would suddenly get teary eyed, and so i had to stop singing. Is this also a sign of depression? I'm a 37y male, married with one daughter who is 19 months old. I have work as a doctor for almost 10 years now. I have to admit this last few years i have been receiving more and more pressure, and i have been having lesser and lesser good night sleep. I haven't consulted to a psychologist or psychiatrist, haven't taken any drug. I once had a depression session where i feel like i just want to go and disappear. I was seeking online help back then. This few years though i haven't feel that down, though i feel that my energy is very low, i feel easily tired, not excitable, and beginning to start forgetting things. I usually have very good memory.y hobby is playing games, watching anime & collecting toys/figures, though I haven't been able to play games or watch anime for about these last 4 months because of being too busy.

Need help/advide

Hi so I need some guidance as I feel very lost at the minute. I've suffered from anxiety and depression for years now, but when I graduated university last summer things just spiralled out of control to the point where I was put on anti depressants again and my doctor told me I wasn't fit for work. The anti depressants have helped with my depression but my anxiety is still that bad that doing anything but sitting in my room is a massive struggle. A couple of weeks ago my doctor said I should start to be eased in to a job again, but I had a work capability assessment a few days ago and got told that I should take a year of sick pay and focus on getting better, as if I got a job I would likely crash within a few weeks, and this has happened before. I'm running out of things to say when friends and family ask if I've got a job, so this is a nightmare situation especially as the only person who's not a professional who knows is my mum. And it's all well and good trying to focus on getting better but I've been trying for many years now and haven't made much progress, recently I've been trying mindfullness and working out but neither has helped much (I also start counselling again next week but this has never helped much either). I want to work, be happy, not be anxious all the time and not feel so alienated from everyone else my age and society in general. What should I do? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and recovered? Can anyone point me in the right direction of something that would help?

I don't know what to do at this point other than end it. Nothing has helped so far.

Title explains it in tbe most TL;DR way possible, but I'll add another at the end if this ends up too long. Abuse, sexual assault, violence, suicide, self harm, NSFW, and addiction is all mentioned. Tread with care. ._. Just a little background; I am an 18 year old pre-everything FTM in high school. I live with my parents and my disabled younger brother. I almost attempted suicide last night, I guess. A friend talked me through it and helped me fall asleep, but now that I'm awake all the feelings have just come back. I have been "casually suicidal" for like, 2 years at this point and have attempted suicide twice before. The thing is, I really don't want to die. I just want it all to stop hurting. It's just that nothing I've found so far can make it stop hurting. I'd just.. really like some advice about where to turn now, that's all. And maybe some validation or support. A lot of things have happened over the course of my life, and it gets really long. So like I said, I'll add another TL;DR at the end, but here are the events that have lead up to now, listed neatly in chronological order. I have a lot of memory gaps, which I assume is a defense mechanism against trauma, so I will try my best. Before I was born, my parents (who had met at 12 and 13, and are still married at 41 and 42) were severely abusive to each other. Physical fights, using weapons or objects to harm each other, severe emotional abuse. My mom tells me about a time she kicked my dad down the stairs 3 times while he was drunk, just for fun, and laughed at him each time. She laughed about it as she told the story despite the mortified look on my face. I swear, there's something wrong with her. Both of my parents had really bad home lives growing up, apparently, but my dad especially. Anyway, my dad was an alcoholic troublemaker who always ended up in juvy, or eventually jail. My mom was some sort of sick twisted bitch or whatever. She ended up in jail pretty often, too. The physical fights stopped after I was born, my dad stopped drinking, and my both parents became law abiding citizens. Occasionally they would throw things at each other, and they still get in screaming matches, but it's nothing like it was before I existed. I was born a really "gifted" kid; 157 IQ (I know it doesn't matter), really good at everything, scary type of smart, extremely mature for my age. The only thing I wasn't good at (and still am not good at, lol) was prolonged physical activity. My mom has emotionally abused for my entire life using this fact. She has essentially turned me into a perfectionist and led me to believe that it was my fault, and not hers. She has never accepted anything less than straight A's and perfection, but instead of punishing me like a normal kid (grounding or no allowance or more chores), she would scream at me until she was blue in the face and occasionally beat or shove or throw me, yelling about how I was a disappointment and a failure to her. She emotionally neglected me as well; she never paid attention to me or gave me praise unless I was doing something that she wanted me to do. She knows nothing about me, and "loves" the image of me she has made. She says I am a waste of money, and makes me feel guilty for needing basic things like food and health care. (We are pretty poor, but I think that is overstepping the line.) She vicariously lives her life through me because she ruined her life at my age; she stayed with my dad and dropped out of college to have me at 22. This is only a summary of the things she does. It would be much worse if I went into detail. Nothing I do makes me feel good enough. I am severely fucked up because of my mom. I have no idea how to maintain healthy relationships, whether it be with friends or romantic partners. I have no self esteem, no self respect, and if I'm honest? I have no personality or sense of self, either. I live with an overlying sense of guilt that I am at fault and that I deserve to be hurt, or worse. I have no hobbies and no interests, and never have. I do not enjoy anything I do in the slightest. To cope with not feeling anything, I have (kinda) reckless sex, hurt myself, and binge drink. I also occasionally smoke weed. The way my mom has treated me has ended up with me being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). After a hospitalization at 15, I was diagnosed with adolescent borderline personality disorder, so I have had it for a while now. Several therapists said I showed all traits by the age of 13 but couldn't diagnose me because of my young age. Anyways, moving on. So firstly, I'm living with completely untreated BPD. The nearest specialist is an hour and a half away, and I have really bad insurance. My disability checks were taken away when I turned 18 last year, and my mom gets mad at me when I try to call to ask to fix this. My life is a living hell. I feel nothing at all, but at the same time, I feel everything at once. There is a void that I can't fill no matter how hard I try and I'm in agony. Suicide is always on my mind, every hour of every day. I hurt myself often and binge drink to deal with the stress, or occasionally have reckless unsafe sex or smoke pot. When I was first brought to therapy, my therapist and psychiatrist had evaluated me for autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, and tried to refer me to a specialist. My mom screamed in his face that her perfect child could never be autistic. I have never been evaluated again, but have talked to my school counselor. She says I'm most likely living with untreated ADHD or autism spectrum disorder, but most MOST likely both at once. (My brother, who is emotionally and intellectually disabled, has both of these. So does my dad. It's in my genetics.) I have a hard time focusing on or doing anything, whether it be school or things outside of school. This includes hobbies or being with friends. My grades are piss poor right now, which adds to my guilt and depression. I want to do my work and make my teachers proud, but I haven't been able to focus on/understand the lessons and I lose all of my stuff a lot. Around the age of 11 or 12, I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks. I was constantly in a state of such anxiety that almost anything could set off a panic attack. I would hyperventilate and cry until I threw up, and would occasionally shit my pants in fear. I was also severely depressed; I had no energy or motivation to do anything. I would hurt myself every day. Around this time I also realized that I had gender dysphoria and was bisexual. I told my mom about all of this, because as a 12 year old you're supposed to go to your mom about your problems. She shamed me, she blamed me, she screamed at me. I had to threaten to hurt and kill myself to get her to do anything to help me. My panic attacks have since tapered off, and I don't have them as often now. However, my mom thinks I am not trans and that I am straight. I suppressed both my gender and sexuality for years, but my gender dysphoria has come back tenfold. I'm too scared to tell her but.. I can't live as a woman. My grades have been pretty not great since 9th grade. I'm really smart still, I just have a really hard time paying attention in class and am too depressed to do my assignments. With enough effort (not much) I can pull A's in most of my classes, and at the very worst a low B, but nowadays, I don't have the energy to put out that effort anymore. I'm looking at a solid D in every class I have. I unfortunately have attempted suicide twice. My mom got really angry at me both times and didn't console me in any way. Just blamed me. I live with constant guilt. Whenever I make a mistake, I hurt myself. Consciously or not. I have scars up and down my arms and all over my fingers from stress-picking, and my shoulders and thighs and stomach are covered in self-harm scars. It does not matter if it's a big mistake or a small mistake. I cannot deal with the guilt of fucking up even a little bit, so I hurt myself to punish myself. It's the only thing that makes me feel a little better when I fuck up. I have been sexually abused 3 times. The first instance started at the age of 10 and ended at the age of around 12. My childhood best friend had started acting really strangely, cutting me off for no reason and telling me he hated me and treating me like shit. Essentially, we made a trade; I get to stay friends with him if I send him videos and pictures of myself. He never told me why he started acting this way. The second time was the worst one. There is serious background to this. I made a new best friend in 4th grade, and we have been super close ever since. We had a mutual crush on each other for years. In 9th grade, I couldn't handle the stress anymore, and set my suicide date as New Years 2017. By some stroke of luck, my best friend invited me to an Xbox party and talked to me all night long and distracted me from killing myself, and we confessed our feelings for each other that night and started dating on January 4th, 2017, during my 9th grade year. We have been together ever since. However, in 10th grade, he admitted to me that he had a fat fetish. I was mortified; I was pretty overweight back then from stress eating, and had no self esteem, but I tried it out because I loved him. It was horrible. I told him we needed to stop doing that, and that I was going to get fit and lose weight. He then insisted that if I did that, he wouldn't love me anymore. I was terrified of being abandoned by the love of my life, and sex was the only form of intimacy I knew at this point, so I didn't want to lose the only things I cared about. I kept doing it for him. It would make me cry and have panic attacks and occasionally throw up, but he didn't stop. I kept telling him that it was okay because I didn't want him to leave me. I developed severe anorexia because of this. I haven't told anyone about it because I don't want professionals to get rid of it. It's a comfort for me; I need to be as skinny as possible. I cannot be fat or I will kill myself. (I also don't have time to be hospitalized for something like this right now. I am in the midst of scholarship applications and making money for college.) Now that I am skinny, I am severely paranoid that he loves me less and doesn't like the way that I look. He has admitted both of those things. When he's in a bad mood, he'll insult me about how I'm not sexually good enough for him anymore and that my body is ugly because I'm so skinny. I don't feel good enough, because I clearly am not. He reassures me that he still loves me personality and my face but frankly that's really shitty, if you ask me. The fat fetish thing doesn't happen anymore, but I'm not good enough for him now. I'm too scared to leave though. He has been my best friend for like, a decade. I don't want to lose what we've had. This is the biggest problem I face right now aside from the abuse I endure from my mom. This is the reason I had attempted suicide, both times. I was drugged and violently raped at a party by one of my friends at 16 while everyone was sleeping. I don't really want to talk about that one. It was just rape, I guess. Uncomfortable situation. It was the least emotionally taxing of the three, though. I have C-PTSD. I have nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, episodes of dissociation. I throw up or have an episode when people touch me in the wrong places, especially my stomach. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I have a beloved ferret named Slinky, and he wouldn't understand where I went if I died. He needs me. I don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't want to die. No treatment I have gone through has ever worked for me. I have been on 3 different SSRIs so far (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro) and none of them have put a dent in my mood. I have also been on Lamictal, a mood stabilizer. It didn't do anything, and they kept upping the dosage. I had to taper off of it because it was too much for my body to handle, and I would throw it up. I have been kicked out of several facilities for not responding to treatment in any way. Fortunately, I make a little bit of money. I sell art and I work at my grandfather's gas station down the road. TL;DR Mom abused and neglected me to the point of not knowing how to function as a person, I have been sexually abused 3 times which resulted in an eating disorder, I am so mentally ill that I am in agony every day. I have untreated BPD, ADHD, C-PTSD and possibly autism. I have severe anxiety and depression that no treatment can put a dent in. I have been kicked out of several facilities for being completely unresponsive to treatment. I am transgender (FTM), pre-everything, in an unsafe environment, and drowning in dysphoria. I live with so much misdirected guilt from everything that the only things I think about are hurting or killing myself. And I have to go to college this year. What the fuck do I do?

My boyfriend is depressed, I want to help the right way

Hi, so I'm not sure if I'm right here, but my boyfriend is having a severe depression since he is maybe 14. He is getting help since one year and takes serious dose of medication. We've known each other since eight month. He is lovely, he is just the right guy for me and in my eyes he is perfect. He actually is always tired, in this state most of you probably know, but I think he is getting a little better. Only he has those phases where you just feel nothing and at the same time kind of despair and don't have any self-worth and I can't find the right words really. I hope you know what I mean. Well I don't know what to do. I always offer him to talk to me and say what he currently is feeling, only if he wants to of course, but he just says that since it is the same thing every time he just needs to get through it. I don't know if that is good for his mental state this believe, because I think he thinks he is troubling me by talking about this, but it is not. I have told him that I will listen even if it is the same thing every time and that he does NOT waste my time! Still I feel really helpless if he is in this state of mind and I'm not even sure if I should say anything. And if you guys can tell me if there is anything you would like someone to say, do for you when you are in this state of mind, could you tell me? Maybe that will help me to say the right words, or show him my support the right way or that I should just leave him pass through it.. I of course realise that everyone in their depression is different and that there is not *the* right way, still maybe it helps.

I’ve lost track of my life and I don’t know how to get it back

RANT/REQUESTING SUPPORT OR ADVICE I’ve (24F) been struggling with depression off and on for the past 6 years. My mood was getting better since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a month ago, but recently I feel like I’ve lost track of my life completely. The break-up was the fist time I choose my own needs above someone else’s and it felt like a step towards freedom. Meanwhile I’m kinda dating somebody I have an extremely strong connection with. We’ve had a short but intense relationship in the past but lost connection. We started talking again right before I finally decided to breakup with my ex (I’ve considered it many times but never had the courage to actually do it). I strongly believe that talking to this person made me decide to breakup with my ex. Besides that it really feels/felt like the universe wanted us to connect again in a romantic way. We’ve been dating for the past 2,5 weeks and I’ve never been this confused in my life. One day I feel so liberated, loved, happy and absolutely in love with the person I’m dating. The next day I’m full of guilt, confused about my feelings for my ex and extremely depressed again. Guilt because I feel like I’ve done my ex wrong while I know I didn’t. Our relationship was not equal and mainly based on me taking care of him financially and emotionally. I feel like I abandoned him and I hate myself for that. Confused because I miss him so much and still feel love for him and the person I’m currently dating, both in a romantic way. Depressed because I don’t know how to deal with these feelings and because I think I messed up again. I feel like my life is a constant pattern of failure and making bad decisions unconsciously. I’m stuck and lost. I keep telling myself that the most important thing is to be happy on your own, that you don’t need a significant other to be happy. I know I tend to start difficult and ambiguous relationships in order to avoid other complicated feelings I actually have to deal with (like a breakup). I’m very aware of my coping but at the same time I feel like I genuinely need to experience if a relationship with the person I’m dating will work out or not. I’m pretty sure I will be devastated if it doesn’t but that doesn’t keep me from trying. Altogether the main feelings I’m struggling with is being depressed and confused. I’m very aware of everything that’s happening but at the same time I’ve no idea what’s going on (mainly emotionally). I can’t function properly, I sleep a lot and have no appetite. I only feel energetic when I’m with somebody else but when I’m alone I just feel physically and emotionally drained. There’s so much going on in my head that I just end up with an empty and zombiefied mind. My anxiety is getting worse and I have nightmares every night. I don’t see the meaning or function of life because it never seems to get better. I’m not suicidal but I’m just done with this constant sequence of negative events and emotions. I just want to live a happy and stable life. I don’t know what I feel, I don’t know what to do to make me feel better and I don’t know which decision was/is right or wrong.

depression is making me F[15] flunk out of high school

I F(15) have always been a super academic student athlete, getting high 80s and 90s throughout middle school and into about halfway through ninth grade, when the depression started to kick in. it wasn’t as bad as it is now, but my grades started to get significantly lower. This school year (tenth grade) my academics are horrendous. I have failed math in 2/3 terms (51 first term, dropped into 40s for 2nd term) and my science grade was in the mid 60s for term 1 and i think i failed term 2. I have no motivation to bring myself to do anything anymore. I can barely leave my bed. I am a competitive dancer and have always been super passionate and serious about it, and now i just don’t care any anymore. My dad who has been apart of my whole life (but not really at the same time because he’s a drunk a*sh*le) is in critical condition and is dying. I don’t know if it’s because of the emotional trauma and physical abuse he has caused me throughout the years, but i also feel numb to him dying. i feel like i won’t even give a shit when he’s gone and i know that sounds absolutely awful but i seriously don’t feel anything I honestly have no idea how to deal with this right now, because my mom doesn’t really believe i’m depressed and won’t take me to a therapist. I know 10th grade is the most important year for math and science academics where i live and i honestly feel like it’s too late to fix anything. now i can’t help but think i’m going to flunk out of high school and end up working at a gas station for the rest of my life someone please give me some sort of direction or guidance on what i could possibly do because i feel really lost and confused right now, and i’m terrified about my future with my poor academics right now [edit: sorry if there’s a bunch of grammatical errors, it’s late at night and i didn’t feel like proof reading this before i posted it.]

Everyone hates me

I just don’t get why everyone hates me, especially irl. No one wants to talk to me or do anything with me but at the same time, the same people do stuff with everyone else. No one wants to be my friend. No one wants to be my girlfriend. Online people always leave me even when they say they won’t. The best friend I ever had left me almost 2 months ago and I really miss her. I just don’t get why everyone hates me. I didn’t do anything wrong to them. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.

Ungluing myself from my bed

I'm someone who spends around 16 hours a days on my bed. I sleep there, sometimes eat there, sometimes study there, most things I do are done on the bed. What's important is it needs to be seen as a place of sleep, and it limits what I do. I want to be asleep and awake at sensible times. I unhealthily use my phone in my bed for things I probably find boring, like a zombie, too the point where I still use it when I get tired. I want to make sitting down attractive, or standing attractive, or walking attractive, or I want to make living on my bed feel unattractive. I do have ideas on how, but I'd like to hear other people's ideas and thoughts. In my room is my desk and chair, my bed, and my floor. I also have sofas in my shared kitchen, with a TV, and 3 flatmates, though I'm hesitant to interact with them. And, I obviously have the outside world. The things I've tried is buying a cushion for my chair, and using one of those hand resistance things that's just a tool for fiddling that can't really be conveniently used in bed while on my phone. I was thinking of getting some PC games that I'd be able to run smoothly on my low-performing laptop, or investing in a Nintendo Switch, as I know that I'm spending most of my free-time doing things I don't find enjoyable and I like playing Smash Ultimate. Thank you for your time.

Just help

I am an 18 year old male. I've been suffering from anxiety my whole life and depression the last 4-5 years. I've seen a therapist, been prescribed anti-depressants, and been prescribed anti-mania drugs. None of these things have worked. Over the past year I've stopped taking the meds (anti-depressants and anti-mania) and seeing the therapist because none of it worked. I've tried smoking weed to help. I've tried taking cbd to help. The weed helped but it's illegal. It helps, but it effects my social life and my work life. I hardly eat anymore. I have to take meds to sleep. I hate myself so much. I dont care about anything. I've stopped talking to my friends. I dont know what to do anymore

I hate school

I am in 8th grade and it is horrible. I hate it and everything about school. It all makes me very depressed. I have been depressed since 4th or 5th grade but have only started being suicidal in the past 4 Months. I don’t want to be here and have to go to school I would rather it all be over. The fact that I have 4 more years is horrible. I am overweight because I am over eating because of my depression. I am too tired to exercise because I have major insomnia and can never go to sleep. The last time I got enough sleep was over the summer. I don’t want to ever go to sleep because I know I will have to get up and go to school. I hate it. I have social anxiety and hate people. My parents will never let me stay home from school. I cant handle it anymore. The only thing that ever really brings me happiness is twitter, reddit and playing games with my friends which only happens occasionally. I would rather die than have to go to another day of fucking school. I am too afraid to tell my parents or anybody about my depression. Please help me.

What’s a strong response I can have to this asshole please!!

What’s a strong response I can have to this please? Me: I’ve had 2 people saying depression is an excuse to be lazy in the last 2 days Asshole: it genuinely is 😂😂😂😂 Me: ?!?!?! EDUCATE YOURSELF Them: Loooool. How am I not educated? Tell me Lara I’m so angry. This disgusts me! What can I say please I want my response to be strong enough to be effective! Xx Straight after he said that the vilest girl at my school requested to follow me and the boy messaged me again saying “listen speak to (girls name) 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣” She is scary that girl. She has come at me more than once online because she is a bully and thinks she is powerful and volunteers to help people like this boy. It’s like when I was bullied severely. They used to get other people involved. I’ve never even spoken to this girl in person in my whole life, I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me. I need something strong to say because I have to educate this kid and have something very strong to say. These two are quite scary

Successful, but what is the point?

I'm not sure what to do, so I'm writing here. I am nearly 50 years old, and a nurse in a management position currently pursuing a higher degree. I've been with my husband 30 years and we have grown children. By all accounts, I'm successful. Life isn't perfect but it could be - and has been - worse. Much worse. But every day I can't shake the feeling that I just don't want to live. I've had depression probably since high school, and it worsened during different life events, but nothing severe is happening now. During the worst of times, I didn't feel this strongly about life just being completely meaningless and, really... what the hell is the point? It's exhausting. I'm finding myself just "stuck" at work, unable to be as productive as I need to be. But I'm doing well in my college courses - straight As. And actually, I started pursuing a higher degree to give myself something else in my life - something that would help me not feel so hopeless, but oh boy has it NOT worked. I have been to counseling before, and it helped during that situation, but I honestly don't see how it will help me now. Before I started the college courses, I had found myself looking up how to hang myself on a doorknob. I know the warning signs of suicide - I'm a nurse! I scared myself. So I started college. Now I'm two semesters in, and just the other day I was considering how I could kill myself and make it look like an accident so my family wouldn't have to live with my suicide. Yet earlier today, I was laughing so hard I couldn't even tell the story about something funny my dogs did last night. It's amazing to me that I can be this absolutely hopeless, yet still laugh like that. So anyone else feel like this? Did you get past it? And how?

My motivation has completely disappeared and I'm feeling overwhelmed by having so much to do.

So I'm 27, and a single mom for the last year to 2 & 6 yr olds. I'm currently a sahm working remotely for a few hours a week, going to be starting school online next month, and I will be looking for a job that provides more for my family. The trouble is I've been battling post partum anxiety and depression since i had my last little one. So just a little more than 2 years. My depression had improved greatly in the last few months but recently it's been fluctuating again (I was sick for 2 weeks and now my kids are both sick as well as my roommate) this has made things very difficult and I've had a lot of health problems at the end of last year that made it difficult to get important things done. Well, now I've reached a point where I have zero motivation. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything I have to get done and even making a to do list, and today sending it to my LDR partner with the idea that he will check at the end of the day to see how much I accomplished has done nothing except make me feel more depressed and anxious. I'm having trouble thinking, I've stopped eating properly and making sure to drink water every day (my SO has been helping to encourage me to do these things properly) and I'm just having trouble making myself focus and chill out enough to get things done. Today I was going to do things... but then I had kids screaming and crying all day and I couldnt do hardly anything. Now it's the end of the day, I've managed to eat and drink water today (more water than usual but not enough yet) and I'm just feeling really sick again. I dont know if its stress or if I'm just burnt out or what it is. This might not even make any sense because I'm having trouble thinking. I hate that I cant get myself motivated and actually accomplish things. I hate that I cant do better. I just feel like complete shit.

I feel like I'm locked away from being alive

I don't like to "self-diagnose" but after looking into it a bit I'm pretty sure I have depersonalization disorder and now that I think about it I feel like I kinda always have. I just don't know what to do with myself at all, I feel directionless and hopeless. I just want for once to feel like I'm doing enough in this world but I fall short of all expectations in myself and feel worthless. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like nothing on this earth could ever atone of this suffering I'm so isolated and alone.

I felt like I'm having a Mid Life Crisis at 19.

Before I start, I would have to remind you somethings beforehand. I been depressed for 8 years and most of it has been highs and lows episodes. By the time I turned 18, It went really down low. I even hit the lowest point in Early 2019. I been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and still currently go to see a therapist. I been having those ugly thoughts especially after I hit the lowest point after my Dad's Death. Now, I felt like my life's been over 2 Years Ago. I been wishing that I would disappear from this world, leaving behind a memory of my past. I have been feeling a little better after seeing a therapist after months of stop going. It's been like 2 months. Anyways, I'm starting to gain a little hope. Yet, I am concern about how long it will last. My fear that a bit of hope would be short lived. I can't risk going back to my old ways. I want to feel young again. I want to feel like I am truly happy again. I want to go back the way it was before my dad's death. I'd just wish I would be able to start over and finish what I have started. I need some motivation back and I need a reason to wake up early in the morning. For now, I have no reason to wake up early in the morning.

I think I have problems

Well Im sure this is nothing as serious as most people's cases here but any help/advice would be duly noted. I had a breakup and I've been depressed to the point of detachment. Im writing this now because well I started drinking and smoking excessively after the breakup, and last night I was extremely drunk and was talking to a friend about an earlier experience I had with cutting, and I swear to god, I cut again just for the hell of it. I go through phases of immense happiness, to immense sadness, and then back to a pathetic state of wishing I was back with my ex. And I know its not due to the breakup completely because even while in relationships, I fantasize about suicide or a breakup. But it's in phases. And on top of that I suffer from grandiose tendencies. I know something is wrong and i acknowledge that but I cant stop. Thanks for your time.

i feel bad everytime i complain and rant a little, so i just push it down my throat and not bother people with my issues.

when i was around 16 i used to be a crying nagging self centered kid who bitch about everything but later i learned that i was annoying people and its better to keep it for your self. now i have alot boiling up inside of me but i cant vent about it cuz its so so much and i dont want to annoy people with my complains specially there few people who depend on me and i have to be the calm mature strong person for them.

How do you, not only keep existing, but actually be productive, when you're depressed everyday?

As someone who has chronic, but still functioning depression, it's been a real struggle to be productive and better myself while I'm depressed, which, unfortunately, is practically everyday for me. I usually do the bare minimum: going to work, making myself look put together, etc. But, tasks outside of that tend to fall by the wayside, and I notice that I'm not bettering myself or my future. I have looked this up before, (i.e. how to do things when you're depressed) and usually I come across articles that explain how to get basic things done and reminding the reader that the small stuff is important too. While I really appreciate this sentiment, I want to know, how do I not only exist with my depression, but also flourish? Like, doing things that will favor me in the long run? What do other people with depression do? Maybe some success stories would be helpful? (also, a side note- I'm currently being medically treated for depression, so I'm not really looking for specifically medical advice) Thank you!

Hello I need some advice about this.

Hello, I have been dating my girlfriend for a while now. She has been dealing with depression most of her life. She bravely decided first semester of freshman year of college of last year to go to therapy. She is also doing her best to recover from self harm.I dont know her exact severity but the college has her on a watchlist. She really wants to change but has trouble getting out of the mentality she has grown up with for so long. She has planned to take her life but from what I can gather she has postponed it. To quote her: "You [referring me] will never know I'm gone if I did" meaning she wouldnt tell anyone. At night when she is alone is when she feels the most depressed, to the point where sometimes she has become a nihilist and only wants her death. I understand that it's all up to her to change and her suicidal tendencies dont mean she doesnt love me. Unfortunately due to our situations we became long distance partners. However, I have done what I think is good support. My questions that I have are: What can I do to better support her? Is there some things that I need to say or do to better support her? Feel free to ask more to get a better gauge on the situation. I'd appreciate if you guys want to discuss deeper into it though if we do, could it be through private messaging as I wouldnt want the comments to be filled with so much info. Thank you so much for listening. Any and all help is appreciated.

What are some things that I can do to help get me out of my depression/anxiety slump that are different than the things people usually say to do?

I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for years, and recently it has been completely fucking me up in every aspect of my life. I just don’t know what to do. I have no motivation to try and make things better, and the only good thing I have going for me right now is work, but even that seems pointless to me because my paycheck will disappear as soon as I get it. I just want to know if anyone has also experienced slumps like this, and how y’all managed to escape it. I extremely feel trapped in my own mind.

Depression is getting a lot worse

So a bit of background, I've struggled with mental health since a very young age. I've been in therapy several times, and have been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds for 3 years. I've always thought my depression was situational, and I've worked really hard to change my life for the better. The past 6-12 months have been the best I've ever felt, as such I made the decision to start trying to come off my anti-depressants. My GP advised to take the pill on alternative nights which I've been doing for the past few weeks. However this past week my depression has came back a lot worse, and I'm really struggling with urges to hurt myself. I guess I'm looking for advice if anyone else has experienced this when trying to come off meds? Thanks for any advice offered, I'll really appreciate it.