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You know what. Screw it. It's not worth it. People should like me for me. Not because I work at getting them to like me. | 24,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
A friend of mine has this on her profile. "Sometimes, all you need is one person to care and the world wont seem so cruel." I just really wish I had that one person. | 22,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
YaY! Bruce Almighty was pretty funny. It was fun to go see it with Kathryn. We went to Overweis, and talked about stuff. Unfortunately, it wasn't good stuff. It just...kind of hurts sometimes to have no one like you. No one care for you. Everyone teases me. EVERYONE. I get kind of sick of it sometimes. I like it sometimes, because it is a lot of attention, but then there's those times when it really truly hurts. I hate when people make fun of me because I can't see well. You want to make fun of me for it? Then fix it! I know I can't see well. It wasn't exactly my choice, so...back OFF! Argh. Even when I tell people not to. They stop for a bit, then go right back to it. Tell me, why is it so easy to pick on me? Why? What is it about me that makes it so incredibly easy? I mean, I'm certainly not miss America, but I'm a pretty good person for the most part. I try to be nice, and honest, and have good morals, and people just keep shooting me down. Why try to be a good person when all people do is shoot you down? What's the point? I'll tell you something. There is none. I like being me, but it's hard sometimes to do the right thing when everyone still makes fun of you. I don't see people who do wrong things get shot down. It's cool now to go get drunk on a Friday night. It's cool to have STD's because you've had sex with however many people. It's cool to be mean, and heartless. Well, heh, cool people suck I guess. I'm really just sick of it all. I respect very few people at my school. I can't wait for summer to come to be through with it. Then, the next year, I can go back and do it all over again. Dislike people all over again. Be upset over how people do wrong things CONSTANTLY all over again. I want to stay in Michigan. I want to be away from it all. I want to not see almost everyone here. I know I wont respect the people there anymore, but, it'll take longer because I don't know them. I don't know that some of them actually have the potential to be good people. I don't know that some of them just do it to be popular. For what? For four years of true misery? For four years of hating yourself but loving the attention? For four years of wasting your time on people you probably wont see again? Some four years. | 22,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Today's been kind of a bummer. I'm in a bummed out mood, and I really want to see him. I know I shouldn't like him, and maybe I don't really, but...man, it feels like I do. I'd like to do something with him outside of school. I think he'd be pretty fun to hang out with. Oh well. Tonight I'm going to see Bruce Almighty with Kathryn hopefully. It'll be a fun time. YaY! Everyone seems so busy, and my weekend seems SO boring. I'm not sure why, but...'eh. What I want is to see someone I can't, and that doesn't hwlp things. Yesterday was a good day. School was pretty boring as usual, and then last night I went to One Acts with Kelly, Kathryn, and Joanne. It was really funny, and Mary Clare tugged her ear FIVE times to say hello to us up on stage. :) It was neato. During intermission we went down where a bunch of band people were, and there must have been somethin in the air, because we were all acting CRAZY! Wooo! Anyway, it was fun and...yeah, now I'm off to go to the movies with Kathryn! Woo hoo. Byebye. | 22,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm not sure what kind of mood I'm in. She said it was no big deal, but...I still think she's mad at me. She said not to worry about her, and...I guess I'll try. I just care about her, and never ever want to say anything that would make her upset. :( I need to think. | 22,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Wow, so, yes. Yesterday was fun. i went the whole school day without talking. It was interesting. I get $20 though. YaY! But, yeah, I couldn't write down that I was in a bet with someone, or speak obviously, so...I had to get one person to guess. Luckily after that one person guessed it was easier, because I got him to tell some people, etc. It was fun. So, then I went home, couldn't find my dress for the concert and freaked out. Haha. I found it eventually, but...still. Um, I went to the concert, and it was fun. We didn't suck horribly shockingly. I was amazed. Concert band was ok. Kristen and I sat there and found six good things about them. 1.) Red bow ties, 2.) Recognizeable melody, 3.) Good beat, 4.) When they stood up, they made this arch type thing, tallest in the middle, and shortest going out, 5.) Mr. S! 6.)Hmmm, I do not remember. Oh well. We did come up with six. So, it was fun overall, but, I was glad to get home and sleep. It was exciting. I actually slept the whole night without waking up once. I was so tired I guess. Today was ok. Just a pretty normal day until marching. Well, actually...marching was pretty normal too, but...yeah. We just did washington post, like we do every parade, and then went outside and marched for a bit. Fun stuff, 'eh? Hmmm. Brandon drove me home, and here I am. Heh. I feel terrible though. I have this joke with my friend. She's incredibly skinny, and it's this joke about her being fat, and complaining about it and whatnot, but...I didn't think before I put this joking away message on that said how I don't like when people who are skinny think they're fat, but...I really didn't think before I spoke, or...wrote I guess. So, of course someone who I really hadn't intended to hurt, or even direct that toward saw it, and...I think she got upset. I was looking at her away message, and she seemed kind of upset, so...I looked at her diary thing, and I saw. I just, feel so terrible I tried calling her but she's eating dinner. I really need to talk to her and straighten this out, because it wasn't ablout her. Argh. I REALLY need to be more careful of what I say. Heh, this gives me a good example for my speech on how people need to think before they say things though. Yes, she got online. Phew! | 21,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Well, I had a pretty busy day. Lots to write about, but I'm just so exhausted I can't right now. I Will write about it tomorrow. Wow, lots of, "writes" and, "rights" Wheee. Yeah ok, I'm too tired. Byebye. | 21,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
You know. Heh, kind of funny what this all makes me think. He's actually never ever had the right to do that. He's never earned it. He's had so much time, and nope, it's more important. It'd probably take him twice the time he's known me to earn the right. I do realize no one has any idea what I'm talking about. I guess it's a good thing. | 20,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Argh!!!!!! Get AWAY from me you jerk! Get away, get away, get away. I don't like you now. I don't want to speak to you right now. I don't want to speak to you for a VERY loooong time. I know I will in a few days, but for now, STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM ME! I'm not gong to say I hate you because I'll probably regret it later, but...I certainly feel like saying that. YUCK! GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I seriously just need to get that out. It's not all out yet. I'm still extremely mad, and extremely annoyed, and EXTREMELY upset. Who are you to tell me that when you can't even control your OWN life? Who are you to tell me that when you are in absolutely no condition to? Who are you? Huh? I'll tell you who you are. A huge jerk. Yeah, you tell me this when you have the right to, and I'll listen. Tell me now, I'll come close to hurting you. BACK OFF!!! | 19,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Well, today was an ok day. Band was normal, except for being in the auditorium, which stinks because it's so warm under the lights in there. Music Theory, thank god he didn't talk. I couldn't have handled it today. Chem, we did a lab, blah blah blah, nothing interesting. Health, we went over the female reproductive system and whatnot. This girl Kat in my class is fearless. She asks questions noone would even THINK about asking. And she shared some...umm, interesting facts about herself that I didn't need to know. Let's just put it this way. before she left she said, "Well, now that you all know my menstruel cycle." Eeks. Speech was boring. We took a quiz dealy thing and such. I have to change my topic for persuasive because I can't get enough sources. Heh, my speech is Friday too. :( Lunch was normal. Math we took a reallly hard quiz, and gov. was fun as always. Right before government though, like, in the hall on the way, I got into one of my quiet modes. I'm not unhappy or sad, or even angry, I just feel like being quiet. Everyone gets all scared when I go into my quiet mode though and always ask what's wrong twenty thousand times. Oh well. I'm going to go make my dinner now, so...yes. Goodbye. | 19,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Oooo, someone bet me that I couldn't be quiet for a whole day of school. I'm definitely taking the challenge. Definitely. Ahahahaha. It will be most excellent. Seriously. The only trouble with be explaining this to people. | 19,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I feel like being quiet. It's always so funny when I feel like being quiet. People always ask me, "What's wrong?" "Are you ok?" Catie! What happened?" Nothing. I'm perfectly fine, perfectly happy, and...perfectly quiet. It's ok to be quiet isn't it? People act like it's a sin. Dag nabbit, just let me be quiet. Hehe. Anywho, I'm off to go eat dinner/do something constructive...maybe? | 19,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, act like it's just a dream, and pretend its not hurting me...because one day it won't and everything will be ok. | 19,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. | 18,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Talking to Christy right now. It's actually really awesome. I miss her. I can trust her so much it's unbelievable. She's probably the single most trustworthy person to ever be in my life other than my mom. | 18,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
So, yeah, I didn't end up doing anything. Oh well, I guess it happens. I guess I just didn't want to spend my Saturday night alone. Argh. I wish I could drive. That would be really nice. Being able to drive would be a total escape for me. I could go places by myself and not bring anyone else, or have to get a ride from anyone else. It would be so super nice. *Sigh* I just want summer to come. I want to go to Michigan. I want to feel the sand beneath my feet, and the cool waves splash against my legs. :I want to walk alone along the beach at sunset. I just want to be by myself in a beautiful place. I think I'm going to go read now... Bye... | 31,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Haha, yes. Khaki Tuesday is a keeper. | 30,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Haha, I changed it again. Wow, this is fun. Wheeee. OK, I think I'm definitely having WAY too much fun. | 30,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I got a new template. It's an ok template, but I love the name of it. "Aliens Stole My Wallet." Haha, I guess I'm easily amused. | 30,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Life seems pretty good right now. I have a lot of homework, but other than that, life seems good. I think I'm going out later. YaY! I'm not spending my Saturday night alone. | 30,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
So, I went to Michaels to get my shirt for Chemistry and the whole Ty-Dyeing thng. I wanted to get a long sleeved one, but I couldn't find one. :( Oh well, such is life. I wonder what I'll do tonight... | 30,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Diane-Orange Derek-Red Kelly-Red Matthew-Orange Kristen-Orange Joanne-Yellow Mary Clare-Sky blue Brett-Blue Emily-Yellow Dave-Sepia Bryan-Bright yellow Chris-Orange Brandon-Green Me-Brown I wanted to remember what color everyone has said so far, so I'm writing them down. | 30,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Haha. Wow, I was SUCH a loser as a child. It amazes me. I'm still a loser, but man.... Alphabetizing crayons. Wow. Psh. | 30,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
So, yes, I'm waiting for my cake to be done in the oven. I got this very strange urge to bake. Weird, yes? Well, anyway, I feel like typing so I guess I'll just write about my day. It was pretty average. Wind Ensemble, did nothing. Alstadt just talked about the paintball thing. I don't think I'm going. No siree. Those paintballs hurt I bet! Besides, Then music theory, I didn't have my composition with me, and Alstadt gave me this look. Man is he good at making me feel guilty. He can seriously make anyone feel guilty. OK, maybe I'm just a wimp and he makes me feel guilty, but still. I hate it. It drives me crazy. He shouldn't be allowed to make me feel so terrible. He's not as bad as Mr. Semanic though. Alstadt also did something else pretty crummy today. I'm really losing faith in him. They finally had the B auditions, and Brett didn't get first chair. Matt did. Now, that's pretty messed up considering Brett used to be in Wind Symphony, and probably should have been this year. Matt really isn't all that good. No offense, but...he really isn't. He's ok, but Brett deserved first chair more. I think Mr. A just gave Matt first chair because his parents are in Band Boosters and whatnot. It's all pretty sad. But what dissapointed me more than Alstadt was Matt. Matt's pretty good friends with Brett, and yet, after school, Matt kept telling everyone and basically rubbing it in. Right after school he came up to me and said, "Hey, go make fun of Brett." I, of course ask, "Why?" and he says, "Because I beat him for first chair, he's pretty mad, go make fun of him!" What? Go make fun of him? Matt, what are you ON? Why would you do that to a friend? Why, that's really mean. He obviously feels bad. Rubbing it in isn't going to exactly make it all better. You have a strange way of cheering people up. Brett's such a nice kid. I wish there were more people like Brett in the world. I really think we'd be better off. Oh well. Such is life. Wow, anyway, Chemistry was boring. I completely bombed that chemistry test yesterday. Whoops. Oh well, I guess it has to happen once this semester. I've actually been doing well in chemistry, actually been doing my homework. I usually can't bother to do homework. I think it's because Mr. K scares me SO much. He yells a lot, and...eeeks. Diane and I really don't like him sometimes. He's a meany pooface. Hm, Health was ok. Kelly and I made up a story about hepatitis. Hehe. It was about a kid named Johnny who got hepatitis from shooting Heroin. It was fun to write. I love Kelly. She's so...I don't know. She really puts me in a good mood when I see her. YaY for Kelly. Hmmm, we also talked about pregnency in Health, and problems during pregnency. It was actually kind of a downer. Grr. Speech, we did nothing. Dani and I played with the silly puddy I made in Chemistry (forgot to say we made silly puddy. Mine was blue. YaY!) I did ok on my speech yesterday. She said it was my best yet, but...I got marked down for my time. I went under the time limit. Grrr. Oh well. Hmmm, I talked to Will about Finding Nemo. He's such a cool kid. He really makes me smile. He's so honest too. He'll tell you exactly what he's thinking. I guess that's not good in some situations, but at least he's honest. Lunch was good. Joanne and John sat with us, and Scott, and Mary Clare. Wow...lots more people I like. I can totally be myself around Joanne. I can joke and be silly with her, but I also really trust her. I'm not sure why, but I do. John. Well, I actually don't know John that well sadly, but Joanne certainly likes him. Wow does she like him. :) Hehe. Scott's just always a cool kid. It was his birthday. Joanne and I sang for him. Whoopi! Mary Clare is ALWAYS so cheerful. She always makes me smile. NO MATTER WHAT! She's also really honest, like Will, and she's funny. Then of course, Kelly and Emilly and Brett were there. I've already said Kelly rocks my world. Emily's so nice, and...she's just always happy too. She cheers me up a lot, and she's really trustworhy. Brett is such a nice guy. He's a gentleman, and you don't see many nice guys anymore. I wish there were more. *Sigh* Oh well. I just love my lunch gang. They are all so awesome. I always leave lunch feeling good, even when we have a big debate, like today. We were debating about abortion and the death penalty. It was fun. So, then math. Blah. I brought Kristen's math book by accident so I had to ask mr. Madsen if I could go back to my locker. Eeeek, he scares me. He just gives me this look and says, "If you MUST," like always. So, while I'm in there, I run into Chris G., and he says he'll fix my locker for me. Another gentleman! YES! He seems like such a nice kid, but I don't know him too well. So, the rest of math I just sat and did this review packet. I actually knew what I was doing. Shock shock. Government, we took a test. I don't know how I did on it. I feel I did ok. I know I missed at least 1, and we got the quiz back from yesterday that I thought I bombed. 11/13. Not bad. Not bad. Also...we got our test scores back from like...a week ago that he's been telling us for days he would "bring them tomorrow." Yeah, I got an A on it. YES! I felt so happy. It was awesome, because I got a higher grade than both Kelly and Kathryn, and they're SO smart. It drives me crazy. I guess it felt good to be the best for once. So, that was my...umm...crazy day? Haha, I'm asking Dave about punctuation now. It's really not my strong suit. Man, I hate having such poor punctuation skills. It's pooey!! Grrrr. Maybe I'll write more later. I actually had fun writing for once. YaY! Wow, I love saying YaY! X o X o The Brown Crayon X o X o | 29,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm glad I'm secure enough with myself to be able to stay at home on a Friday night without feeling bad. | 29,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OK, so, I've come to the conclusion that if I were a crayon, I'd be brown. I feel bad for the brown crayon. Nobody likes the brown crayon except a few. No one really respects the brown crayon. They all need it at one point or another though, to draw a tree or brown hair, and they don't realize how useful the brown crayon is. Really, how many times have you really thought how much the brown crayon is used? And yet, no one likes it. The brown crayon will probably explode someday from so many rejections, and it will be terrible. All the little kids always go for the pretty colors. Blue, purple, pink, but it's not the appearence of the crayon so much. It's how useful it is. What it does. The brown crayon is helpful, and is always there even though all the kids reject it. I get philisophical when I'm tired....or just very weird. :) | 29,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Things have actually been going ok this week. The week is going by really fast thankfully, but I know next week will drag by SO MUCH! I don't really feel like typing anything right now, so...maybe I'll write more later. I have to go make my dinner anyway. | 29,May,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I miss Victoria. I miss how she would always come when I called her. I miss how she'd do anything for me. I miss how she would sleep with me every night. I miss how she would only come for me, and how she only liked me. I miss how everyone would say, "Catie, go get Victoria, you're the only one who can get her." I miss how she ALWAYS sensed when I was sad, from anywhere in the house and would come find me to cheer me up. I miss my cat. MY cat. She was truly mine, and she loved me. She loved me for what I am. She didn't want to change me. She didn't want to make me any different at all. She loved me for being me. I don't miss that I found her lying on the floor dead. What a horrible way to lose something you love SO much. I really miss her. She'd be hear listening to me, crying with me, cuddling with me. I can't believe I'm letting myself think about it again. After I found her lying there, motionless, I wouldn't let myself think of it. I couldn't. :( Why am I doing this to myself? Crying wont make her come back. The one thing that truly loved me and was completely devoted to me. Feels like I just fell face forward and a piece of that glass was wedged into my heart. | 07,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I would love people to just answer this question honestly. What's wrong with me? Why can't I seem to get anyone to like me other than Matt? Really? I don't understand. I really don't. I think I'm a pretty decent person, but maybe I'm just fooling myself. Maybe I've been fooling myself all the time. I'm never going to find someone. Never. There's not even one person who's remotely interested in me. Everyone seems to find someone, and I get to hear all about it, and...heh. Wow. I love that people trust me, and tell me stuff but...I guess, it just hurts when I realize that no one's talking about me to someone. No one likes me, has ever liked me, or will ever like me. Right now, the glass is not just half empty, it's empty and shattered. | 06,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
So, what to do, what to do. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm thinking. Life seems very confusing right now. Michigan. Michigan. Michgan. I just need to keep thinking of it, and I'll be happy. :) | 06,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Haha. OK, so Angie and I made up a good analogy. Abstinence is like Thanksgiving dinner. You don't eat anything all day because you know dinner will be really really good. YaY for abstinence! | 06,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
My head says no but my heart says yes. I can't follow my heart though. It will end in pain and humiliation. I know it will. | 06,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Even if I did like him, there's nothing I would ever do about it. Why am I such a chicken? | 06,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
SO, my day yesterday. Hmmmm. It was good. We had commencement rehearsal, which was ok. We got doughnuts and juice witch was really nice of Mr. S and Mr. A to get us. Hmmm, band was ok. Mr. Alstadt thought finals started yesterday haha. So, we just took our final. I just wanted to get it over with. Then, in Music Theory we had a study hall thing. I finally signed Chris' yearbook. That took me pretty much the whole period since we were listening to music, and I was talking to Kelly at the same time. Hmmm, Chemistry was the usual boring. We just did a bunch of pointless problems. Yikes. I'm glad we get to have an 8 1/2/11" sheet of paper with us for the final. Health was ok. We just talked about contraceptives. Haha. It's so funny, Kelly and I constantly talk in that class. I mean, we never stop, but Ms. Madden never says anything. Speech was ok. They had the final speeches and whatnot. I'll miss my speech class definitely. Fun times, well...except for the whole giving the actual speech thing... Lunch was ok. It was kind of funny, we went outside and inside like four times because it was sort of rainy and we couldn't decided where to sit. We ended up sitting inside on the floor for our last day of lunch together. It kind of made me sad. We've got this whole big group of people now, and it's so much fun and...I love lunch. Oh well. I think it was fitting that we sat on the floor. I actually like it. It makes me feel like it's our own space. Math was boring boring boring. We just went over the review packet more. The people in my class are such meanies though. Grrr. Oh well. Then Government we played jeopardy and I got all the questions I was asked right! I was very happy. I actually knew most of the stuff he asked. It was amazing. So, then, after school, I decided to clean out my locker and stuff. So, Brandon and Katharine and Alex were there and we were just hanging out. It was so funny. We locker Brandon and Alex each in a locker, and Kelly came up, and we were just laughing so hard. We didn't let them out for a long time. Then, Peter G. came in with this weird kid named Tyler. Wow, what a creeeptacular kid. Majorly creeptacular. And like, he'd go away and keep coming back. Yikes, scary. Kelly and I were really scared of him haha, and I was helping Kelly carry stuff out to her car, the kid's like, wow, I've fallen madly in love with you both. Oh, and Kelly and I were talking about how it's unfair that guys can take off their shirts when they get hot like during marching and stuff and he's like, "girls can do that too." And we're like..."ummm, no" And he goes, "I hang out with girls all the time who take off their shirts. At 9:00 when they're at my house they do it." Wow, what a scary kid. So, after I got home and away from the scary kid who invited Kelly and me over like...15 times...I ate a really quick dinner then went to see Finding Nemo with a whole big group. It was awesome. Me, Kelly, Jessi, Spike, Emily, Kathryn, and Mary Clare. It was the coolest EVER. Such a funny movie. I'm going back to see it tomorrow. Haha, I laughed, I cried, I came close to screaming. Truly. Kelly can testify to that one. Haha. Like, when a scary shark would come, I'd gasp and like, stand up in my seat. I bet Kelly thought it was funny. Haha. I think I would laugh too if I would have seen me. Then we went to Chilli's, but the wait was like, 45 minutes, so we went to Oberweis instead. I got a strawberry Banana smoothie. Mmmm. It was so very very tasty. I loved it. I didn't feel like ice cream so I got that and I'm glad I did. On our way in there these guys whistled at us, and when we were sitting outside eating, another group of guys in a car made provocative noises. It was so funny, because Kathryn, so out of character, just turns around and makes the noise they made right back at them. Then they honked as they were leaving. It was so funny. Good times. Then there was this car waiting in the lot, and this guy was trying to freak us out by making barfing noises, and it was...ew, gross. So, on his way out, Kelly, Kathryn, and I all waved to him at the exact same time. So fun. I'm going to get myself shot someday probably but I live in Naperville for now so...maybe not. Anyway, my evening was quite fun and I actually woke up at a decent hour today. I finished my book, took a shower, and now I'm going to try, TRY being the operative word there, to study. :) | 06,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
They say this is the best time of your life, and I don't necessarily doubt it but there's some pretty crappy stuff that goes along with it. | 06,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OK, so, I'm super tired, and super anxious to get back to reading my good book right now so, I'm remindng myself to write about this stuff later. -My day -Cleaning out my locker/after school adventure -Tyler -Going to Finding Nemo -Kathryn's little outburst at the boys in the car :) | 05,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Mmmmm, peanut butter and jelly bagel from Einsteins! I'm definitely going to get one this summer! Hmmm, my day was ok. Seemed kind of long with the assembly and everything. Rehearsal for commencement was ok. We don't sound too bad. Dan didn't show up. Darn. I was so sad. Well, not really. In band we just signed yearbooks still. I didn't have many people sign mine. Kind of funny how I don't know many people in my band. I didn't know a lot of the seniors when we went down the line and shook their hands yesterday. Basically just Allie and Katie, and Danny, and Max. Music theory was of course, boring!!! I loathe that class so much. So so very much. I only like it because I sit with my friends. Chemistry was ok. We got our tye-dye shirts back. Mine wasn't great, but it was ok. Diane's was extremely good. I'm glad. I think it made her feell good since everyone was like, "Whoa, Diane, yours is SO perfect! It was cool. We talked about stuff with Kathryn and whatnot. Diane understands my fear. I'm scared and I haven't gone through it. Not many people seem to understand why I'm so so worried for Kathryn. I don't want him to hurt another one of my friends. Not again. I can't take it. Then we went to the assembly and I was going to sit with Diane, but then Carrie came, and...when we went in the bleachers I wasn't even sitting next to Diane. Not that there's anything wrong with Carrie. She's really really nice from the few times I've talked to her, but then I saw Kathryn and I wanted to talk with her so I sat with Kathryn and Kelly. It was a really long assembly, and really warm in the bleachers and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it wouldn't have been bad if I hadn't been sitting between some lady who laughed like a wicked witch and Matt. Matt just doesn't know when to stop or even when not to start as someone else said today. He'a really a nice kid...but, argh. Oh well. The assembly was actually kind of sad. Zach won a lot of awards. It's too bad that he wasn't there to accept them. :( That's just so terribly sad. I can't imagine what it's like for his parents. Their only child. His parents were there though. Then, the goodbye to Mr. Paulsen was nice. They played the song, "Time of your life," and I really love it, but unfortunately it always makes me sad. What I find ironic however is that it's really a sarcastic song, but...they always use it in goodbye videos for High School and whatnot. I guess it could be easily taken seriously. Paulsen was a good principal too. He always came to our band stuff and whatnot when he could. He's a good guy. So, after the assembly finally ended, and after I didn't even get to talk to Kathryn, I went to health. We just talked about more STD's. It was, umm...exciting? I'm really glad I decided a while ago to remain abstinent until marriage, because I'd probably be freaking out after all this. So many grody STD's. Hmmm. Speech was good. Bob gave a speech on butter. Haha, Bob's a great kid. I love my speech cloass. Everyone is so nice to each other and it just...rules. Hm, lunch was good. We sat outside. I kind of miss the floor sadly. I know it's weird having to get up every day when they sweep, but I don't care. that's where I feel comfortable. Lunch was still good. We all just talked and whatnot. My two groups are sort of merging, so that's cool. I can spend time with all of them at once. YaY! I haven't seen Nikki in a long time unfortunately though. I think we're growing apart. Oh well. I'm really excited to see Finding Nemo with Emily and Mary Clare and Kathryn and Kelly on Friday. It will definitely be a fun time. Math was boring as usual. We just went over our review packets and whatnot. I actually know a lot in it. I'm shocked. I loahte math so much. What an annoying subject. And finally, government was cool. I got a chance to talk with Kathryn. We were sort of supposed to be doing our study guides but...yeah....that didn't really happen. She's having serious doubts, thank goodness. I mean...I'm trying to not get her really angry with me, but at the same time...definitely let her know my opinion. Nobody wants her to go out with him. Her parents don't even like him. That's got to say something. I really don't trust him, and I love Kathryn and don't want her hurt. Oh well, what's supposed to happen will happen. God will watch over Kathryn. And then tonight I just went back to school to get my tye-dye shirt which I forgot. Grrr. Hmmm, then I went to meijer and got a shirt that was on clearence, and that was my funfilled evening. Now I shall go off to do homework. HOMEWORK!!! I still have homework. This is NOT right. Another turning point a fork stuck in the road Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go So make the best of this test and don't ask why It's not a question but a lesson learned in time It's something unpredictable But in the end is right I hope you had the time of your life So take the photographs and still frames in your mind Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial For what it's worth it was worth all the while It's something unpredictable But in the end is right I hope you had the time of your life It's something unpredictable But in the end is right I hope you had the time of your life It's something unpredictable But in the end is right I hope you had the time of your life ................................. | 05,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I still can't even fathom what he did to his first girlfriend. | 04,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm actually surprised at how angry I am. I mean, I am....extremely angry. Angrier than words can express. Wasn't it enough to do that to one person? Now you want to ruin someone else? Heh, another problem. I can't be around her if she's with him. I wouldn't be able to stand it. I'd want to kill something or someone. | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darnit, thanks for ruining everything you jerk. Thanks a lot. | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I must say, it really makes me sick. Really really really. And she's being dragged into it. I think she's caving in and there's not a gosh darn thing I can do about it. Even if I were to tell her what a slime he is, and what he did to his old girlfriend, she wouldn't listen. She thrives on going against what people tell her. She would just probably go out with him faster or something. ARGH! Seriously, this all makes me sick. Incredibly sick. He's going to hurt her like he hurt his last girlfriend. Man, that kids probably going to be an abusive husband someday, but the problem is, he seems ok normally, but he's so impulsive, and argh. Abusive relationship. He's going to hurt her. I can see it now, but she wants someone so much that she'll go for him. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This is so bad, and it really really truly bothers me. On a happier note, I talked to Joanne on the phone for a long time tonight. It was so nice. Ah, I love her! But, I just can't get this other thing out of my head. He's going to hurt her, and not just emotionally, but probably physically too. He's going to ruin her, crush her, strip her of her dignity. And in the end, I know I'll be right, but it wont feel good to say, "I told you so." Whenever I'm so rarely right, it's bad if in the end it wont feel good to say that. Sure everyone deserves second chances, but he had so many with her. SO many. Argh. I need to sleep..... | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Haha, I just realized I wrote "my kelly's" like they're mine! haha! Alllll mine! | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OK, I've decided. I'm not letting myself lose touch with my really good friends like my kelly's and Joanne and Kathryn, and Emily and stuff. No way no how. I'm just not going to let it happen. I'm determined! HMPH! | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OK, so, I've had a vision!!! I see the light! Ahhh! OK, so when Kelly becomes rich and famous, and I go to one of her concerts, and then try to get backstage, the guards will yell at me and be like, "GET AWAY YOU WHITE HAIRED NUTCASE!" And I'll be like, "But I know her!!!" And they'll laugh in my face, and then Kelly will come up and say, "Catie my love," and I'll laugh REALLY HARD into the guards faces. Ahahahahaha. It shall be fun. | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
As pathetic as this song is musically, I still love it... So we talked all night about the rest of our lives Where we're gonna be when we turn 25 I keep thinking times will never change Keep on thinking things will always be the same When we leave this year we wont be comin' back No more hangin' out 'cause we're on a different track And if you got somethin' that you need to say You better say it right now 'cause you don't have another day 'Cause we're movin' on and we can't slow down These memories are playin' like a film without sound And I keep thinkin' of the night in June I didn't know much of love but it came too soon And there was me and you And then we got real blue Stayed at home talkin' on the telephone We'd get so excited and we'd get so scared Laughing at ourselves thinkin' life's not fair And this is how it feels As we go on We remember All the times We had together And as our lives change Come whatever We will still be friends forever So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money When we look back now will our jokes still be funny Will we still remember everything we learned in school Still be tryin to break every single rule Will little brainy bobby be the stock broker man Can anna find a job that wont interfere with her tan I keep, keep thinkin that it's not goodbye Keep on thinkin it's a time to fly And this how it feels As we go on We remember All the times We had togetther And as our lives change Come whatever We will still be friends forever Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now Can we survive it our there Can we make it somehow I guess the thought that this would never end And suddenly it's like we're women and men Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round Will these memeories fade when I leave this town I keep thinkin that it's not goodbye I keep on thinkin it's a time to fly As we go on We remember All the times We had together And as our lives change come whatever We will still be Friends forever | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm really really scared for....life. | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Yeah, so, Im kind of sad. It was the seniors last day today, and I don't even really know any seniors, but it just makes me think how much closer I'm coming to being a senior and leaving and having to go off on my own, and not seeing my friends anymore. Then, of course, it reminds me of next year where not only do I lose my best friend, but other very close friends. I'll luckily still have awesome friends senior year, but...I'm still going to miss my friends leaving after next year. I think I'm most worried about Chris. I can talk to him so easily, and spend time with him alone without any pressure, and....I feel so comfortable around him. I'm worried that after he goes to college, I wont ever see him, nonetheless talk to him. This is why I truely despise getting a specific best friend. They leave at some point, or you grow apart, or something. It's the same thing that happened with Christy and Amanda, and....well, Kelly will always be my friend. No matter where we are. She is the one person I am positive I will keep in contact with after High School. I have complete faith in that. I've known her for so long, and she's just Kelly. I know we'll talk at least periodically to each other throughout the rest of our lives. I know I'll go to her wedding, and well, hopefully not her funeral. Everyone else, I'm not so sure. I hardly talk to Christy anymore, and Amanda, the only reason I really talk to her is because my mom's best friends with her mom. I still do love them, and would still take a bullet for each of them, but...I just don't talk to them as much. Then my other really close friends...Kelly C., I think our lives will go in completely different directions, and we'll grow apart. I'll be there for her when she becomes a famous clarinet player in the CSO, but I have a feeling after High School, we wont talk as much. Kathryn, I don't really know what will happen. I think we'll try to keep in contact, but just end up growing apart. Like, the calls will somehow end up being few and far between. Emily, oh...I don't know. If she actually does go to Europe, that's the end. Keeping in touch with someone on another continent is really difficult. I hope for her sake she does get to go though. Joanne's already going off to England, and who knows what will happen with that. And....just, wow. I need to stop thinking about this, and my other close friends. I haven't even really talked about any of my guy friends. I'm stopping myself now. I hate this. I've had such a great blessed life. It's just hard for me to accept change at all. Tell me that we belong together.... And I'll be your crying shoulder... Drat. I've managed to truely bum myself out. :( Things just seem so sad right now. | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
What scares me most, is that I wouldn't be surprised if that happened.... Haha, I love talking when no one has any idea what I'm saying. | 03,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I miss my cat. No, no, no, no, no, not now. I'm not thinking of her now. Nope, I'll start to cry. I've managed to push it to the back of my mind and force it to stay there, and that's what I'm going to keep doing. | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
What do you do when the only person who likes you is the only person you truely dislike? He's the only person I'll ever get to like me, and I can't even like him one bit. JEEZ! Figures. | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, act like it's just a dream, and pretend its not hurting me...because one day it won't and everything will be ok. | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I've been writing more and more in here lately. I wonder why. *Sigh* I don't know what's up with me. I mean, I'm happy...but, I'm sad at the same time. I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like there's something right in front of me that I should understand but don't. I'm just, I don't know................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Time is never time at all You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth And our lives are forever changed We will never be the same The more you change the less you feel Believe, believe in me, believe That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain We're not the same, we're different tonight Tonight, so bright Tonight And you know you're never sure But you're sure you could be right If you held yourself up to the light And the embers never fade in your city by the lake The place where you were born Believe, believe in me, believe In the resolute urgency of now And if you believe there's not a tonight Tonight, so bright Tonight We'll crucify the insincere tonight We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight The indescibable moments of your life tonight The impossible is possible tonight Believe in me as i believe in you, tonight ................................ | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I was looking at some of my very fisrt blog entries. Wow, I've really changed a lot. It sort of amazes me. Anyway, I found this somewhere in there, and I want to re-post it so that I keep remembering it. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. -1 Corinthians 13:4-8 :) I love it. I love the Bible. I love God!!! Sometimes, I think people think I'm some heathen atheistic person, and I'm completely not. It's completely the other way around. I just like to worship God in my own way, and my own way is a quiet way. I don't like to push my views on other people. People who try to push their views on others really bother me. I love God, and have complete faith in him. That's all I need to know. If other people don't believe that, nothing I say will change their minds. That's why I don't understand why so many wars are faught over God. Don't you realize you're doing what God doesn't want you to do?? You're killing, and argh. Has this war over God ever been resolved?? No, because not everyone worships God in the same way or worships him at all. It bothers me so much. Let people believe what they want to believe. Wow, ok...sorry, venting. | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Wow. Katharine told me about this really cool song that her and Diane really like. I like it a lot too. The strands in your eyes The color them wonderful Stop me, steal my breath Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky Never revealing their depth Tell me that we belong together... | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo My day.... It was a very interesting day. Actually, it really wasn't. It was a pretty normal day, but I'm so de-stressed right now, and so happy...it seemed like an excellent day. OK, so, hm. I got a Tiki hat from Matthew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was SO excited when he told me I could keep it. Ah, happiness. :)Wind Ensemble, or...Study Hall now...was really good. I just hung out with Kelly and Kristen the whole period. YaY! I wish I would have had my yearbook so people could sign it. Oh well, I'll get people to tomorrow. So, we just goofed off all period. It was cool. Music Theory, we actually learned gosh darnit. I loathe learning in that class. Oh well, it was boring boring boring. Chemistry, we didn't tye-dye shirts, grrr! It was too rainy and whatnot too. They said maybe tomorrow, so we just did worksheets and book problems and stuff. I never get anything done when I work with Diane though. I always want to talk to her. :) Hmmm, Health was ok, and yet COMPLETELY DISGUSTING. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my GOSH! The way that class is teaching me, I'll never ever want to have sex...EVER. Oh jeez....we talked about pubic lice, and EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS! It was just...so terrible Grody grody grody. Then speech, I did it. I did my final speech. It certainly wasn't my best speech, but it was alright. I'm glad I got it over with at least. I'm going to miss Will. He's such an amazing kid. I just, really like him. I think he's a great person. Lunch was good. We just sort of signed yearbooks. I didn't really eat much of my lunch. I've decided to not just sign anyone's yearbook this year. I've decided to write a personal message to everyone about something I like about them, or something I remember from this year. Yearbook signings make me sad. I know a lot of Juniors they'll be seniors next year, and I'm going to lose a LOT of my friends. Man, isn't losing Joanne enough?? I'm really going to miss Joanne. I really feel I can trust her, and talk to her about anything, and if I didn't want her to tell...she wouldn't. I can be myself around her. I can be goofy with her. Man, I'm going to spend as much time with her as possible this summer. I've sort of been...distanceing myself from her this year I think. Gosh, why didn't I realize this before???? ARGH!!!! I'm so so mad at myself. I don't want to lose her. I think if I don't spend as much time with her before she goes...I wont miss her as much. I can't believe I didn't realize this before now. I hate losing people though. And then all my junior friends will leave next year, and I'll probably cry, and make a fool of myself. I mean, yearbook time always makes me think... I've only got two years left, and the first two I've had have gone by so fast. SO FAST! I don't know...I'm scared to go on from High School. I'm so secure and content. I'm really excited too though. I feel like I'll fit in better with an adult world, but...maybe not. Maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking that. Oh yeah....my day. Ha. Kind of funny. I need to stop thinking. I'm de-stressed, and I'm stressing myself out again. STOP CATIE!!! Math was ok. We took a quiz. I think I did ok. After that everyone just signed yearbooks, but I don't really know anyone in my math class so I just did the review packet. Yeah, I'm a loser. Oh well. I got one person to sign it. :) Then government we just kept watching 12 Angry Men. It's a pretty good movie. Hm, and after school, we avoided the beast/stalker. Man, that kid is such a stalker. Stalker man, Stalker man, does whatever a stalker can. Unfortunately...I'm afraid that *girl* will give in to stalker man. I'm worried about her. I'm worried about everything. A very wise person told me once to just....stop worrying. I tried it once, and realized that I was worrying about not worrying in case someone thought I was a jerk for not worrying. Man am I a loser. Heh, I was afraid to get the person I liked last year to sign my yearbook. I'm not going to be that way this year! HMPH! I'm strong. I'm brave! I'm the Brown Crayon!!! *Dramatic music plays* Wow...I really need to stop writing. You know...I wonder if anyone reads this. I doubt it. I guess I don't know if I want people to read it anyway, it's sort of for me. I did start it out as a fun public thing, but...I'm writing more and more now... :) | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Hmmmm, I was thinking of writing about my day, but...nah. I think I'll go outside instead! I'll write more later. | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OK, my tummy is starting to feel a little better again. I took more advil. Eeks. Thank goodness for drugs though. Legal drugs of course. Haha. Anyway, I'm off to read, then sleep. | 02,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
VERRRRY mean! A meany pooface! That's what YOU are!!! | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Mother Nature....you are VERY mean. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I swear, I'll do my speech homework!!! I SWEAR!!!!! | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My tummy hurts SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SO SO SO much right now. :( I'm going to cry, and I'm not kidding. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I am SO stressed right now. So so so very stressed. I'm so sick of him. So sick of him. He does everything he possibly can to annoy me. It's like he trys to. It's like he wakes up in the morning and thinks of ways to make me mad. I just went online and realized that there's no way I can have a conversation with anyone right now. It's stupid to even consider trying, it really is. I'm just going to say something I don't mean or something. Argh. I feel so low and terrble and...lonely. I know I have awesome friends, but I guess I just feel lonely right now. I guess it's normal. Everyone's allowed to feel lonely. Heh, I feel lonely, yet at the same time, I want to be left alone. I don't want to see anyone at school tomorrow. Maybe a few people, but not most. I want people to just leave me alone at school tomorrow. Not talk to me, not nag me, poke me, tease me. None of that. I want to see only a few people like my lunch gang, and them. I wish I could see Amanda. Man, I miss her so much. I wish she hadn't moved to Texas. :( I wish I could see Heather too. If she's changed some of her ways, I want to see her a lot this summer. Argh. Is today over yet? Is tomorrow over yet? Heh, I'm not exactly following my quote, "never let the sunset on tomorrow before the sun rises today." I had a really strange dream the other night. I'm not sure if it was good or not. It was with someone I'm really close to. I don't know. It was weird. I guess i'm still analyzing it. Who knows? I just need to do this speech crap so that I can go read and sleep. Argh, what's wrong with me?? Someone....please tell me. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Yeah. I need to go to my place. I need to be alone. I need to be me. I need to smile, and laugh, and dream of what isn't and what can't be. I need to dream of it whether it is or isn't. I need it to make me feel better. I need myself and no one else. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Uh oh, I'm in my mode. The one where everything and everyone annoys me. I'm getting offline, staying away from everyone, and just...working on my speech. Nuh uh. no way I'm talking to anyone tonight. Too dangerous. Way too dangerous. I hate when I get in these moods. It's probably because I'm annoyed because I feel crappy as it is. OK, going to finish my speech. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Yes! Finally! This wasn't working before for some odd reason, and it was making me mad. Man, I feel so sick. My tummy really really hurts. :( Stupud guys. Seriously, they NEVER have to deal with anything. Grrr. So, today was an ok day. Only 4 more days of actual class. Wind Ensemble, I went to the writing center and actually worked on my speech outline. I was amazed, I actually did work. Then, music theory, gosh, I want to get away from that class SO SO SO much. Seriously. Yuck. Oh well. He just talked, and talked, and talked, and blah bah blah!!!!! Argh. It seriously didn't end. Chemistry was ok. We just got a ton of really confusing notes. Argh. Poo on Mr. K. Sometimes he's ok, but sometimes I just want to choke him. RAR! Ummm, Health was ok. Really boring and pointless. Busy work. Grr. We wrote stories with 15-25 words we found in the chapter. It was really very pointless. Speech was ok. I didn't have to give my speech. Someone else gave a speech on Plastic Surgery though so...yikes. Oh well. Umm, lunch was ok. Math was boring. I think I actually understood what we were doing though. Government, we just watched 12 Angry Men. It was really a pretty boring day, and I think I'll go work on my speech now so I can go eat dinner and go read, and then go to sleep early. Wow, that would be nice. OK, Byebye. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Goodmorning. I really hope today goes well and that I don't have to give my speech and that Mr. A isn't there. You kinow, something just occurred to me...if Alstadt were to ever by some chance read this, A.) I'd never have a chance of making WE again or B.)I'd feel terrible or actually...both! Yikes. Maybe I need to stop writing about Alstadt in here. I know I wont because he makes me mad a lot, but...maybe I can try to talk about him less. Anyway, I'm off to school. YaY? Byebye! | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm finally going to bed!!!! AHHH! Goodnight! | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Wow. There's breast reduction for men. Heh. Funny.... | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD IMAGES!!! Ewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I'm going to be ill... | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I'm really worried. I haven't talked to Alex lately. I don't want to lose him as a friend. He's such an awesome person. I don't ever want to stop talking to him. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Haha, you know what phrase I've always liked? "Shifty character." Haha, so funny. :) | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Hey, I finished my music theory composition! YES!!!! I finished one thing on my list! How awesome is that??? I never called *boy* I swear I was going to, but I couldn't work up the courage. OK, so, I wasn't going to. I can't do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I talked to a cool kid on the phone anyway, so...it was overall an ok Sunday evening. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Hmmm, you know, it's kind of funny. I never realized how little I mention my dad. I was talking to someone on the phone tonight, and they asked me where my dad was, like as if he were gone or something. Kind of funny. My dad's a cool guy. I really get along with him. I just get along with my family in general. they're cool. I mean, I don't talk to my dad about personal stuff like I do with my mom, but...I still talk to him. Anyway, I think I should go quickly get some research for my final speech and whatnot, then I'm off to bed, so tired! Byebye.... | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Things to do: -Finish music theory composition -Finish...or, start my final speech and do the outline for it -Go outside and play basketball for a little bit -Have a cookie...with milk. -Call *Boy* :) (Like this one will EVER happen) -Get over the fact that it's NOT SUMMER YET! -Buy new earings -Stop writing in blog to avoid homework and doing most of these things!! I'll add more as I think of more later. Man, thinking about everything though....life is really good. | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I loathe homework with the deep burning passion of a thousand fiery suns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Man, I am SO avoiding homework. Grrrr. I don't want to do it soooo very much. I'm finishing my music theory thing and it bites. I loathe music theory with a burning passion. I shouldn't have taken it. I don't fit in. I suck at writing music, and I suck at music in general. Grrrr. Oh well. My patience is wearing thin with someone right now. It's getting harder and harder for me not to get angry with him for even little things. He's aggravating me so much, and he just...really knows how to make me mad. It's almost like he works on it or something. Oh well, I'm out of here like the fat kid in dodgeball. Poor fat kid. :( | 01,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Yep, I've decided. Definitely. Funny how spending just an hour and a half with your girl friends can make things seem so SO clear. So, that is what I did this evening. I went to Kathryn's house. We just hung out and whatnot. It was a lot of fun. I love being with them. Kelly wasn't there, but oh well. Things were fun just the same. Then after that, I got to drive! YaY! It was fun. Anyway, I'm kind of tired, so...I'm going to bed now, I think, hopefully, if no one IM's me. If someone IM's me...it's all over. I'm so addicted to AIM. Oh well, such is life. | 14,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
OK, I can stop pretending to clean. Man, why am I so scared of bugs? I saw this little ant, it wasn't hurting anyone, but it was coming close to me and I started FLIPPING out. I grabbed some Fantastik, and sprayed the little thing to death. Well, now I feel incredibly bad, but bugs scare me SO SO SOO much. Anything with ore than 4 legs scares me. It's just not natural to have more than 4. Like...centipedes. *Shiver* I don't even want to think about this actually. So, anyway, I think I'm going to Kathryn's tonight, yay! So, I should probably go eat dinner and get ready for that and whatnot. :) I'm quite content right now. | 13,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I don't know why I'm so excited to go to Michigan, but I am. I can't wait. I was talking with Lauren last night, and we were talking about partying and stuff, and I really want to. I mean...REALLY want to. I just want to have some fun and let loose, but I promised myself I'd never drink and stuff. Stupid promises. I don't even know why I do, I just really want to have fun. I'm sure I can have fun without drinking anyway. Sometimes, I guess I just want to be included in it all. I wanted to go with Pat and his friends and my brother when they all invited me a few months ago. It would have been awesome, hanging out with older people, but I didn't because I knew they'd drink and get high and stuff. I know they'll all be doing it, but at least Conor doesn't drink, so maybe I'll hang out with him when they're all drinking and stuff. I asked Max if he could bring up some non-drinking/single/non-attracting Sara guy. Heh, he said that wasn't possible with the Sara part. Heh. Anyway, haha, I thought part of my conversation with Lauren was quite amusing so I'm puting it in here. Lokiluna13 (11:24:21 PM): hey, I'm a ruel breaker all the way Lokiluna13 (11:24:29 PM): I do drugs all the time and drink baby bear 321 (11:25:37 PM): hahahaha baby bear 321 (11:25:44 PM): can i quote that? Lokiluna13 (11:25:56 PM): lol baby bear 321 (11:26:00 PM): thats soooo goin in my profile Lokiluna13 (11:26:08 PM): I do!! Lokiluna13 (11:26:12 PM): haha baby bear 321 (11:26:35 PM): lemme guess baby bear 321 (11:26:43 PM): u drink pop and u take advil?? Lokiluna13 (11:26:58 PM): yeah...but....both at once, and I'm telling you, you're NOT supposed to do that. Lokiluna13 (11:27:02 PM): It's dangerous! Haha, it just makes me laugh, but anyway, we've got plans. Big plans. We're going to get the guys back this year. We just have to think of some really really good prank to use. Ahahaha. We will. We're also going to go pick up some yokels. It will be VERY amusing. Eek, must go. Have to pretend I'm cleaning. I'll probably write more later. | 13,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I told Chris there was one thing I was positive about with Ryan last night, but...I'm not so sure anymore.... | 13,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
It's like a game with us. A neverending game and I'm so sick of it. Three years of games. | 13,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I am so in love I am so in hate I just can't comprehend it, uh You get me so high You get me so low I can't show what I'm feelin' Never was the type To let someone like You get under my skin, no Tried like hell but you Didn't care for real You stepped on my feelings See I love to love you boy And I love to hate you But I got to let you know I'ma have to let you go See I love to love you boy And I love to hate you But I got to let you know I'ma have to let you go Love to feel the love Love to heal from pain Is there really a difference? Wonder who is right Wonder who is wrong I'm just feeling some tension, uh You can't compromise We can't coincide We should really be chillin' 'Cause I've wasted so much time Love is on the line I've made my decision Yeah It's useless to try and work things out Don't need all of the stress You're not worth it I'm tired of all the ups and downs So goodbye, I'm leaving Made up my mind See I love to love you boy And I love to hate you But I got to let you know I'ma have to let you go See I love to love you boy And I love to hate you But I got to let you know I'ma have to let you go It's useless to try and work things out Don't need all of the stress You're not worth it I'm tired of all the ups and downs So goodbye, I'm leaving Made up my mind See I love to love you boy And I love to hate you But I got to let you know I'ma have to let you go See I love to love you boy And I love to hate you But I got to let you know I'ma have to let you go | 12,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Well, I finished my letter to Ryan, now to give it to him? Do I? Don't I? I really don't know. | 12,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Boys are stupid, don't throw rocks at them, throw huge giant shards of glass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha...wow...I'm looooony. looony loony!!! | 12,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! I'm crazy, loony, psycho. I've definitely reached the highlands. Man, they say you need drugs and alcohol to get a buzz, I say just stay up extremely late! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hahahahahahaha. Goodnight, goodnight! | 12,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I don't know anything at all and I'm somebody else It could take years to find you, it could years to find myself And I don't need to hear your answer I just need you to see That I think it's time to break down these walls that we throw Am I still breathing have I lost that feeling Am I made of glass 'cause you see right through me I don't know who I am and you're the only one who sees that I can't ask these questions that cannot be answered today And even if everything goes wrong and we start to fall apart I will understand where you are, I will understand this by myself And I don't need to hear your answer I just need you to feel Like there are no boundaries at all And how far have we come, too far to throw away the past Will you be there waiting for me I have to ask what we are, if I ask today it just won't last So I'll be here waiting for you Will we ever feel this good again - Not today Will we ever feel this real again - Not today Will you ever be mine again - Not today Will we ever feel this real again - Not today Stupid world. People suck. | 12,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I had a very good very...interesting day. I don't think I want to write about it in here though. I was going to but I think I've decided against it. | 11,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Haha. One more person I found out about who reads this thing. Eek. I really really need to be careful what I write. I guess it really doesn't matter since this is sort of my diary, and since I don't write anything in here that's too personal anyway Luckily though, I CAN write about Ryan, because he never reads this. I'm worried about tomorrow. At first I was supposed to go to Great America with him all day, but...I decided not to since there were tons of people I know going there, and I didn't want to see people I knew all day long. So, then we decided we'd do something else like bowling or a movie or something, but...I'm having second thoughts. I think if I do see him, I'll start liking him...again. I realllly don't want that, because a relationship with us just doesn't work. I obviously broke up with him for a reason last time. Why bother puting myself through that again? It just hurt me and him, and it took a while to get our friendship back. But, I guess I'm not really being a friend to him if I don't want to see him. I know if I do, I'll end up going out with him at the end of the day, and yeah...I've thought about doing that, but...it's partly because I just want to be in a relationship with someone. Hmmm, oh well. Tonight was fun. I went to Peter's party. It was excellent...well, I guess. It was alright, but I didn't know anyone, and Chris and Brandon went to play video games. Luckily, Kelly was there, and Annie too. I'm glad I'm friends with those two. Hmmm, so I left the party kind of early and just hung out with Chris for a bit. It was cool. That's really about it. I guess I'm just really worried about this thing tomorrow. I felt like I was being a jerk to Chris. I was listening to him, just...not all there. Sigh. I guess what wants to happen will happen. I shall see, I shall see. | 11,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
YaY! OK, so, my day... I slept in since I had my lunch final, and I went in late and went to take my government final. I'm glad I didn't bother studying for it. I got a 97% on it. That rocks so much. I wasn't sure whether or not to study, so, I didn't. Sweet. So, after that, Kelly, Joanne, John, Kathryn, Mary Clare, and I all went out to lunch. We went to THREE, count 'em, THREE! restaurants. The first two were just too full, so we ended up going to Einsteins. I wanted to get a peanut butter and jelly bagel, but I thought that I should wait til I was with Diane haha. Sometimes I feel like Diane doesn't like me very much, like...I annoy her for some reason, or she doesn't trust me for some reason. I feel like I should say sorry to her, but I don't think I did anything. I'd love to be better friends with her, but I don't think she wants to. Oh well, I'm not giving up yet. Anyway...after we went to Einsteins, we went paddle boating. It was so fun. Haha. It was a little chilly, but still tons and tons of fun. Oh, I wouldn't suggest ever trying to switch with someone in the backseat, especially when you have four people in your boat. Good times, good times. Hmmm, then we went to Starbucks, but I don't like coffee, so I just got a fruit drink thing. Yum yum yum. Then Kathryn's mommy picked us up, and drove us to joanne's. we just hung out for a while. We did Karaoke, haha. We also played spoons, except...we used forks. Yikes. It's really dangerous. I cut myself. :( But, Joanne gave me an Elmo band aid so it's all good. The Elmo bandaid completely made my day. I'm pretty sure we managed to make Kathryn mad. I think she's hiding it because she didn't want to ruin our good time, but I am pretty sure something we did got her mad. Oh well. Tonight, I'm going to Peter's party thing. I wasn't sure I wanted to go but so many people are going, so I figure I should give it a shot. Maybe I'll have a blast. Eek, I hope. So, Chris is driving me there in like an hour or so, or something. Heh. Fun day. Tomorrow will be good too. I'm probably hanging out with Ryan the entire day. :) Yes, tomorrow will DEFINITELY be good. We decided not to go to Great America since so many people I know are going. Anyway, I think I'm off to do something...errr, constructive? HAHA NOT! And why not? Because there's NO SCHOOL! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! | 10,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Today was so dull and boring I don't even really want to write about it. Heh. Oh well, tomorrow will be fun at least. | 10,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
My day was excellent, superb, wonderful! I was really dreading it. Honestly, this was maybe my easiest day, but I was still dreading it. Why? Because of meany pooface Alstadt. He's such a jerk sometimes. I'm sorry, but he is. Anyway, I just sat around before school IN THE BAND ROOM! I couldn't believe it was open. Heh, funny. It was open and guess who wasn't there? Anyway, I went to go take my speech final, and it was easy and all. I got a B on it without studying at all. It's ok. I'll still get an A in the class. I could have gotten a 68% on it.Excellent. Anyway...I did that, then went to band. Since we took the band final on Friday, there was nothing to do. I KNEW if I stayed Id' have to sort commencement music since we had to let it all dry out yesterday. So, Kelly and I decided to be rebels! WOO HOO! We walked to burger king and got some food. It was awesome. We got kids meals, and we got the toys that went along with them! It rocked! So, then we walked back, and no one seemed to notice. :) Excellent. Alstadt took attendance, but...no big deal. They aren't going to come after me with two days of school left. Also, my parents wouldn't care anyway. So, then, unfortunately, we had to go to music theory. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I proved Alstadt wrong though! YES! He said I couldn't go from A major to C major and have it sound good. HA! Not like my composition was good, but it still sounded ok, and Mr. A was wrong!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Anyway, that was pretty much it today. Oh yeah, with our kids meals, Kelly and I got these scratch and sniff thing. Oh my gosh, there was one with a foot, and it smelled SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad. Wow! Terrible. Anyway, I'm done. I think I'll go...I don't know, do someonething constructive? | 09,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
So, kind of a depressing day. I woke up at about 10, couldn't find my shoes, searched alll over the house and finally found them. So, I go take my shower thinking, "lalala, everything is good. I found my shoes." OK, maybe not. I find out my dress had a rip in it!! GRRR, so, I had to have my mommy fix that really fast, and I actually got there on time. We actually had to have commencement outside. Luckily we got to go in after we finished playing though. The poor seniors didn't. I really am surprised they didn't have the ceremony inside. Oh well. So, our music got ruined, my hair/dress/feet all got SOAKED! ahhh. Oh well. So, after that I unexpectedly got a ride home from Chris, changed into some dry clothes, and then we went to Chipotle and met Brandon and Bryan there. It was a lot of fun. I actually got something there. I've never actually had food there. It's so yummy. Mmmmm. I definitely couldn't finish it all though. So, yeah, then we went to Coldstone. I got chocolate ice cream with gummy bears. Yum. So very good. Then Chris and I just drove around and talked for a bit, and then, I came home, and I started to study for math, but I just couldn't do it, so...I decided to write. Haha. Lala. So, that was my exciting day. It's kind of funny when someone who's your friend thinks if they tell you something they're thinking, you're going to hate them or something, and then they tell you, and you don't at all. It wasn't what you were expecting, because you were expecting to actually be mad at them but you aren't at all. And it just makes you love them more because they're so honest and truthful, and they trust you so much. I feel really trustworthy right now, and that's all I have to say. I'm sure no one has any clue what I'm talking about. Sorry. Oh well, I don't think anyone reads this anyway, do they? Oh well, no more talk of this ever. I must be off to study. HA, like that'll happen. | 08,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Argh. Tonight so many things are hurting me. I feel like my heart has been ripped apart so many times tonight. Like, it was ripped apart, and started healing, then ripped apart again. It hurts so much. | 08,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
So yeah...I just love being the one not paired up with anyone. Feels fantastic. Really. I'm a big fat liar. | 08,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
There's no way I'm letting this bring me down dag nabbit. | 19,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Wow. I am in SUCH crappy mood. Argh. | 18,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I don't know man. Things just really seem to suck right now. I went out to Pizza Hut tonight with my friends but it just wasn't as fun as I was hoping for. I'm just in such a bad mood, it's hard to have fun. I feel like I'm compltely wasting my summer. I don't know how or why, but...I do. I just feel so mad right now, and sad... Who knows? Maybe it'll be better tomorrow. :( | 15,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
Hm, ok....so, everyone left for Germany which kind of stinks but I've been doing tons of stuff!! It's amazing! I'm still writing to Chris and Kelly, and whatnot, but I've been hanging out with all my other friends here. I actually went to the pool yesterday in the middle of the day, and didn't get burned! Well, this one part of my face did because I must have missed it with my sunscreen, but still! I was so happy, and it was fun! Then I went to Kathryn's with Joanne and Kathryn, and we just hung out. It's kind of weird just being with both of them. Oh well. Then, last night I had a sleepover at Joanne's, and it was fun. I actually got a lot of sleep surprisingly. Heh, except it wasn't really good sleep, because sleeping on a florr REALLY hurts. Hmmm, we watched the Princess Bride! I'd never seen it before! It's really really good! YaY! It was fun! Oh, and haha, Joanne really can't take not knowing something. It was so funny. Kathryn said something that we couldn't tell Joanne, and Joanne REALLY wanted to know. It was just humorous. She usually knows everything, and the one thing she didn't drove her crazy. Woo, fun times. So, today I've just been busy cleaning and whatnot, and tonight I'm going out with Katharine, and Diane, and Steve maybe, and Jeff maybe. It will be most exciting hopefully! :) I must get going. I've got quite a bit to do actaully. | 15,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |
I really don't think it's ever going to happen. :( | 15,June,2003 | female | 17 | Libra | Student |