arunma/shortjokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

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A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks He charges the first boy and lets the other off.
The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.
I like my chicken how I like my babies Deep fried and delicious
I bet a heroin addict could find a needle in a haystack.
what did cinderella do when she got to the ball? gag...
I got in trouble for calling the rape hotline... Apparently it's only for ""victims"".
My daughter asked me how much longer until she can be a grown up and I said, ""no.""
I saw a sausage fly by my window I must be going insane it was actually a bird. I think I've taken a Tern for the Wurst
If Kevin Bacon never said ""want some bacon with your eggs"" to a lonely chick in a bar, life just doesn't make sense anymore.
""Hey, wanna hangout?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" ""No, later"" ""How about now?"" ""Jesus christ."" -if Adobe Updater was your friend
Follow your dreams. Unless you're a narcoleptic who wants to be a limo driver. That's dangerous, dude.
What was Hitler's last two words? Oy Vey!
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50 one buck at a time to panhandlers on the street.
I can't tell if Michael Cera is actually an actor, or just an awkward guy who keeps wandering onto film sets and does his best to fit in.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::...:::::
How do you make Helen Keller cry? Turn the stool upside-down
Learning to love yourself is important. Just don't let your wife catch you doing it.
My life That's the joke.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid.
Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs.
Me texting friend: Hey! What's up? Buddy: sends picture of ceiling Me: I am so glad I didn't ask ""how's it hanging""
I cheated a guy in poker so he burnt down my house. I guess you could say it was a conflagration
Two blonds are having a conversation. Two blonds are having a conversation when one says to the other ""I had sex with a brazilian last night"" The other blond replies ""WOW that's a lot of men""
Did u hear about the leper poker game? everyone threw their hands in
'I want to see other kids.' ~Me, parenting.
The nintendo 64 turned 18 last month Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast? Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some? Son: NO. I hate casserole. Me (whispers): I know...
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero... At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.
""Some say I have a drinking problem"" pours glass of water on lap
Fun typo: ""You ate the most important thing in my life.""
A mushroom walks into a bar The bartender says: ""Get out of here! We don't serve your kind here."" The mushroom says: ""Why not man? I really am a FunGi.""
I voted for Jill Stein Finally I'm part of the 1%
Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.
What did the hamburger say when it pleaded 'not guilty'? I've been flamed!
Starbucks really isn't that expensive when compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup
What do you call little kids in Belgium? Brusselsprouts
They say love is worth more than money. But I'm pretty sure my landlord is gona want more than a hug.
I heard that Being the one to circumcise elephants doesn't pay too well But the tips are huge!!
Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting? They literally can't even.
A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian tells him he'll only lose it.
I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.
you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes ""sexual"" the rest of the boys all agree that he is
What's the difference between coriander and cumin? You can't coriander your pants.
Sex makes your day, but anal makes you hole weak..
A sadist and a masochist meet The masochist starts pleading, ""Hit me! Please hit me!"" The sadist looks at him, smiles, and calmly replies, ""No.""
Got disoriented and walked into the wrong classroom. Didn't want to look stupid so I just went ahead and switched majors.
Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. ""Feel the Johnson""
My wife urged me to be more experimental in the bedroom, but I guess she wasn't expecting I'd be dissecting so many white mice.
What did Spock find in the Enterprise Bathroom? The Captain's Log.
PSA: If you've got an Islamic dog... Muslim
How do you spot the blind man at the nudist beach? It's not hard
What did Jay say when Adnan opened the trunk? Hae girl Hae
ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager
A girl grabbed my cock and said, ""Wow! Your dick wouldn't make a very good clock."" ""Why?"" I asked, intrigued. ""Because I'd struggle to get a second hand on it,"" she replied.
Broken pencils... ...are pointless.
A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'
listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk
An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy.
What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? Comet! =D
Why do seagulls live by the sea? If they lived by the bay they'd be bagels.
When I lived on a houseboat I was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart.
Donald Trump Does this count as putting the punchline in the title?
My grandma got her bathroom redone with this sparkly gold-specked tile and she just called it her ""golden shower"" so goodnight.
What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they could spend years at C.
There's a 100% chance the Republicans will discuss Starbucks cups in a debate tonight, so remember that when they ask how they lost in 2016.
A man purchases a kitten, which he's having trouble house breaking. What does his friend say when he comes to visit? Your house is quite the cat-ass-trophy.
What do mutiny and an orgasm have in common? A sudden surge of seamen.
Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little obtuse.
Communism jokes are not funny Unless everyone gets them
There are two types of people in life... Those who think there are two types of people in life and the rest.
Dear Religion, Pics or it didn't happen. Love, Science
My best friend and I were comparing our penises... for who has the biggest. It ended in a tie.
If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country, if Clinton wins I'm leaving the country Not a political post, I just love to travel
Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone? Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What's the hardest part about vaping? Telling your parents you're gay
When I say I'm gonna take a nap, it means I'm gonna go on my computer for three hours.
Ropin' and Ranchin' by Larry Yett
My brother told me this today. Malayasia flight 404 not found.
I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips... ...I think I'm a hummusexual.
What is Moby Dicks dad's name? Poppa Boner
I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen.
Pokemon Go has really improved my life... I used to always get in trouble for playing with my balls outside.
I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited I said I was there for a Rogue One cameo That's how I learned the security guards have Tasers
I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]
Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre.
Why did the Canadian cross the road? Because that's the direction his car was sliding.
What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub? .....Add your laundry.
Describe yourself in one word Bad at describing myself with one word.
Opinions are like Assholes... Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others.
I don't always tell mom jokes But when i do, she laughs
What do black men find most shocking about sex? Tazers
Impotence: Nature's way of saying, ""No hard feelings""
What do you call two gay Irishmen? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael
Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs

A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks He charges the first boy and lets the other off.

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

I like my chicken how I like my babies Deep fried and delicious

I bet a heroin addict could find a needle in a haystack.

what did cinderella do when she got to the ball? gag...

I got in trouble for calling the rape hotline... Apparently it's only for ""victims"".

My daughter asked me how much longer until she can be a grown up and I said, ""no.""

I saw a sausage fly by my window I must be going insane it was actually a bird. I think I've taken a Tern for the Wurst

If Kevin Bacon never said ""want some bacon with your eggs"" to a lonely chick in a bar, life just doesn't make sense anymore.

""Hey, wanna hangout?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" ""No, later"" ""How about now?"" ""Jesus christ."" -if Adobe Updater was your friend

Follow your dreams. Unless you're a narcoleptic who wants to be a limo driver. That's dangerous, dude.

What was Hitler's last two words? Oy Vey!

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50 one buck at a time to panhandlers on the street.

I can't tell if Michael Cera is actually an actor, or just an awkward guy who keeps wandering onto film sets and does his best to fit in.

I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::...:::::

How do you make Helen Keller cry? Turn the stool upside-down

Learning to love yourself is important. Just don't let your wife catch you doing it.

My life That's the joke.

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid.

Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs.

Me texting friend: Hey! What's up? Buddy: *sends picture of ceiling* Me: I am so glad I didn't ask ""how's it hanging""

I cheated a guy in poker so he burnt down my house. I guess you could say it was a conflagration

Two blonds are having a conversation. Two blonds are having a conversation when one says to the other ""I had sex with a brazilian last night"" The other blond replies ""WOW that's a lot of men""

Did u hear about the leper poker game? everyone threw their hands in

'I want to see other kids.' ~Me, parenting.

The nintendo 64 turned 18 last month Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges

They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum

Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast? Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some? Son: NO. I hate casserole. Me (whispers): I know...

Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.

My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero... At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.

What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.

""Some say I have a drinking problem"" *pours glass of water on lap*

Fun typo: ""You ate the most important thing in my life.""

A mushroom walks into a bar The bartender says: ""Get out of here! We don't serve your kind here."" The mushroom says: ""Why not man? I really am a FunGi.""

I voted for Jill Stein Finally I'm part of the 1%

Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.

What did the hamburger say when it pleaded 'not guilty'? I've been flamed!

Starbucks really isn't that expensive when compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup

What do you call little kids in Belgium? Brusselsprouts

They say love is worth more than money. But I'm pretty sure my landlord is gona want more than a hug.

I heard that Being the one to circumcise elephants doesn't pay too well But the tips are huge!!

Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting? They literally can't even.

A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian tells him he'll only lose it.

I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.

you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes ""sexual"" the rest of the boys all agree that he is

What's the difference between coriander and cumin? You can't coriander your pants.

Sex makes your day, but anal makes you hole weak..

A sadist and a masochist meet The masochist starts pleading, ""Hit me! Please hit me!"" The sadist looks at him, smiles, and calmly replies, ""No.""

Got disoriented and walked into the wrong classroom. Didn't want to look stupid so I just went ahead and switched majors.

Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. ""Feel the Johnson""

My wife urged me to be more experimental in the bedroom, but I guess she wasn't expecting I'd be dissecting so many white mice.

What did Spock find in the Enterprise Bathroom? The Captain's Log.

PSA: If you've got an Islamic dog... Muslim

How do you spot the blind man at the nudist beach? It's not hard

What did Jay say when Adnan opened the trunk? Hae girl Hae

ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager

A girl grabbed my cock and said, ""Wow! Your dick wouldn't make a very good clock."" ""Why?"" I asked, intrigued. ""Because I'd struggle to get a second hand on it,"" she replied.

Broken pencils... ...are pointless.

A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'

listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk

An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy.

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? Comet! =D

Why do seagulls live by the sea? If they lived by the bay they'd be bagels.

When I lived on a houseboat I was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart.

Donald Trump Does this count as putting the punchline in the title?

My grandma got her bathroom redone with this sparkly gold-specked tile and she just called it her ""golden shower"" so goodnight.

What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.

Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they could spend years at C.

There's a 100% chance the Republicans will discuss Starbucks cups in a debate tonight, so remember that when they ask how they lost in 2016.

A man purchases a kitten, which he's having trouble house breaking. What does his friend say when he comes to visit? Your house is quite the cat-ass-trophy.

What do mutiny and an orgasm have in common? A sudden surge of seamen.

Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little obtuse.

Communism jokes are not funny Unless everyone gets them

There are two types of people in life... Those who think there are two types of people in life and the rest.

Dear Religion, Pics or it didn't happen. Love, Science

My best friend and I were comparing our penises... for who has the biggest. It ended in a tie.

If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country, if Clinton wins I'm leaving the country Not a political post, I just love to travel

Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone? Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What's the hardest part about vaping? Telling your parents you're gay

When I say I'm gonna take a nap, it means I'm gonna go on my computer for three hours.

Ropin' and Ranchin' by Larry Yett

My brother told me this today. Malayasia flight 404 not found.

I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips... ...I think I'm a hummusexual.

What is Moby Dicks dad's name? Poppa Boner

I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen.

Pokemon Go has really improved my life... I used to always get in trouble for playing with my balls outside.

I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited I said I was there for a Rogue One cameo That's how I learned the security guards have Tasers

I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]

Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre.

Why did the Canadian cross the road? Because that's the direction his car was sliding.

What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub? .....Add your laundry.

Describe yourself in one word Bad at describing myself with one word.

Opinions are like Assholes... Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others.

I don't always tell mom jokes But when i do, she laughs

What do black men find most shocking about sex? Tazers

Impotence: Nature's way of saying, ""No hard feelings""

What do you call two gay Irishmen? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs