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post | ft300u | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,758,458 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft300u/there_were_two_kids_fighting_over_who_got_to_play/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | There were two kids fighting over who got to play next in the videogame... | 0 |
post | ft2vot | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,758,077 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2vot/i_just_thought_of_the_ultimate_april_fools_prank/ | self.jokes | null | I T O U T F O R Y O U | I just thought of the ultimate April Fool's Prank. Let me spell it out for you. | 3 |
post | ft2vb0 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,758,043 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2vb0/dad_uhh/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Dad uhh | 0 |
post | ft2tx3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,926 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2tx3/crosseyed_cow/ | self.jokes | null | One day farmer Brown went to the barn to milk his prize cow. When he got to the barn he was shocked to find that the cows eyes were crossed! He thought, "This is a valuable cow, I can't have it walking around cross-eyed." So he called the Vet.
The vet came out and said he knew exactly what to do. He proceeded to take out a hose and stick it in the cow's butt. He then told the farmer to go around and watch the cow's eyes.
As the farmer was watching the vet took a deep breath and blew into the hose. To the farmer's amazement the cow's eyes went back to normal. The vet said that'll be $200. The farmer was a bit taken aback by the steep charge, but he was thankful that his cow was back to normal, so he paid the vet without complaint.
The next day, he went out to milk the cow as usual. To his great dismay he found that the cow's eyes were crossed again! He didn't feel like paying the vet again though, so he decided to treat the cow himself.
He began to do the same procedure to the cow exactly as he saw the vet do it the day before. However he could not see if it was having the same effect. So he called Billy-Bob the farm hand over and said, "I want you to watch the cow's eyes while I blow in this hose." Billy-Bob agreed and watched as farmer Brown did the deed. However, nothing happened. He reported to the farmer who tried it again. Still, no result.
Farmer Brown was stumped, so he told Billy-Bob to blow while he watched the eyes. As farmer Brown moved to the front, he saw Billy-Bob take out the hose and turned it around! Just before he put it to his lips, the farmer yelled, "What the hell are you doing?!"
Billy-Bob looked at him incredulously and said, "You don't think I am gonna put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on." | Cross-eyed Cow | 20 |
post | ft2tf6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,880 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2tf6/a_married_woman_gets_a_text_im_having_an_affair/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A married woman gets a text: I’m having an affair with your husband.... The woman replies: You are? Next text: I am for about 2 months now. The woman replies: is the sex good? The reply: oh yes it’s the best sex I’ve ever had!!! The woman replies: That’s not my husband good bye! | 1 |
post | ft2stf | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,827 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2stf/whats_a_term_that_relates_a_priest_and_a_school/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Whats a term that relates a priest and a school shooter? | 2 |
post | ft2qh7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,619 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2qh7/we_can_all_agree_that/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | We can all agree that... | 5 |
post | ft2qe0 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,612 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2qe0/rule_number_one_of_this_sub/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Rule Number One of this sub | 1 |
post | ft2ps8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,564 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2ps8/meddling_parents/ | self.jokes | null | My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her. | Meddling parents | 4 |
post | ft2pnj | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,552 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2pnj/you_know/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | You know... | 1 |
post | ft2p7j | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,513 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2p7j/theres_plenty_of_bad_things_being_said_about/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | There's plenty of bad things being said about Coronavirus, but on the bright side... | 0 |
post | ft2oze | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,494 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2oze/you_know/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | You know... | 1 |
post | ft2oxv | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,490 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2oxv/how_many_feminists_does_it_take_to_change_a_light/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? | 0 |
post | ft2o6s | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,424 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2o6s/i_have_a_polish_friend_that_is_a_microphone_tester/ | self.jokes | null | And a Czech one, too... | I have a Polish friend that is a microphone tester | 11 |
post | ft2mu7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,305 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2mu7/you_know_the_worst_part_about_taking_a_corpse_out/ | self.jokes | null | They're quiet they always give you the cold shoulder and always seem pretty stiff when it comes to paying the bill. | You know the worst part about taking a corpse out on a date? | 8 |
post | ft2klg | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,757,117 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2klg/scientists_have_recently_discovered_that_97_of/ | self.jokes | null | Phew, thank god I'm part of the other 5%. | Scientists have recently discovered that 97% of the worlds population is kind of dumb. | 82 |
post | ft2iik | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,942 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2iik/my_girlfriend_and_i_had_sex_a_couple_of_days_ago/ | self.jokes | null | She looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt". I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first. | My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. | 101 |
post | ft2ii4 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,941 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2ii4/the_farmers_daughters/ | self.jokes | null | A farmer had three daughters each one had a date for the night. The farmer being very protective locked all three of his daughters in there room, so he could meet their suitors.the first suitor gets to the door and says hi I’m joe I’m here for flow where going to the show is she ready to go, the farmer looks him over decides he’s fine and sent his daughter and the suitor on they’re way.the second suitor got to the door and said hi I’m Eddie I’m here for Betty where going to eat some spaghetti is she ready, once again the suitor seemed fine so he sent his daughter and the boy on they’re way. Finally the third suitor got to the door and said hi I’m chuck and the farmer shot him. | The farmers daughters | 0 |
post | ft2i3q | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,903 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2i3q/what_did_people_said_to_something_they_love_and/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What did people said to something they love and care? | 4 |
post | ft2h7v | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,834 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2h7v/old_macdonald_had_a_farm_got_rich_and_created/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Old Macdonald had a farm, got rich and created... | 0 |
post | ft2g9n | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,761 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2g9n/where_does_a_pirate_bury_his_captured_treasure/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Where does a pirate bury his captured treasure? | 2 |
post | ft2ftx | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,722 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2ftx/a_man_ran_into_the_bar_and_asked_the_bartender/ | self.jokes | null | The bartender gives a rough estimate and say "about this tall I suppose."
The man replied "Oh fuck I ran over a nun!" | A man ran into the bar and asked the bartender how tall is a penguin. | 759 |
post | ft2f42 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,656 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2f42/get_down_with_the_covidness/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Get down with the covidness | 1 |
post | ft2dh3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,517 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2dh3/is_amazon_saying_a_burrito_blanket_is_essential/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Is amazon saying a burrito blanket is essential, they should | 1 |
post | ft2bc8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,330 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2bc8/why_is_everyone_tired_this_april_1st/ | self.jokes | null | Because we all just finished a 31 day March! | Why is everyone tired this April 1st? | 2 |
post | ft2amp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,271 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2amp/political_joke/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | political joke | 1 |
post | ft2agy | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,255 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft2agy/my_wife_said_she_will_divorce_me_for_making_too/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | My wife said she will divorce me for making too many jokes about communist Russia | 1 |
post | ft28yt | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,756,120 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft28yt/did_you_hear_the_news_north_korea_is/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Did you hear the news? North Korea is re-nuclearizing, a massive volcano erupted... | 4 |
post | ft25s0 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,755,831 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft25s0/i_was_asked_how_often_do_you_have_sex/ | self.jokes | null | Almost everyday. Almost on Sunday. Almost on Monday. Almost on Tuesday. Etc. Etc. | I was asked" How often do you have sex?" | 35 |
post | ft24qd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,755,741 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft24qd/in_australia_they_dont_actually_call_it_a_ken_doll/ | self.jokes | null | Instead, he's known as a simp on the barbie. | In Australia, they dont actually call it a Ken doll. | 2 |
post | ft24br | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,755,707 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft24br/q_have_you_ever_seen_malcolm_in_the_middle/ | self.jokes | null | A) Yes
B) No
C) Maybe
D) I don't know
E) Can you repeat the question | Q: Have you ever seen Malcolm in the middle? | 109 |
post | ft22gu | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,755,548 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft22gu/why_are_all_the_parents_going_crosseyed_during/ | self.jokes | null | They can't control their pupils. | Why are all the parents going cross-eyed during the quarantine? | 5 |
post | ft1zfm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,755,273 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1zfm/when_people_ask_what_is_going_on_inside_your_head/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | When people ask “what is going on inside your head?” to me, just imagine Roman Holiday at 2 times speed as a visualization. | 1 |
post | ft1yxm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,755,230 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1yxm/why_did_egyptian_royalty_have_an_easy_time/ | self.jokes | null | They had great Pharaoh-mones | Why did Egyptian royalty have an easy time getting married? | 7 |
post | ft1yig | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,755,187 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1yig/how_do_they_execute_bad_drivers/ | self.jokes | null | They give 'em the electric car | How do they execute bad drivers? | 3 |
post | ft1vnm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,934 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1vnm/i_wasnt_particularly_close_to_my_dad_when_he_died/ | self.jokes | null | which was lucky because he trod on a land mine | I wasn't particularly close to my dad when he died... | 3 |
post | ft1tzh | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,784 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1tzh/her_honey_honey_youre_in_my_ass/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Her: Honey, honey, you’re in my ass! | 0 |
post | ft1s3q | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,620 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1s3q/what_is_osama_bin_ladins_favorite_snack/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What is Osama Bin Ladin's favorite snack? | 2 |
post | ft1rpq | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,587 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1rpq/my_boss_told_me_i_was_fired_today_and_gave_me_my/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | My boss told me i was fired today and gave me my last salary | 1 |
post | ft1rgb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,562 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1rgb/if_you_ever_feel_cold/ | self.jokes | null | stand by the corner it is usually 90 degrees | If you ever feel cold, | 2 |
post | ft1r4e | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,532 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1r4e/they_say_you_should_trust_your_instincts/ | self.jokes | null | But never your out stinks. | They say you should trust your instincts | 1 |
post | ft1po9 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,405 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1po9/did_you_hear_about_the_fight_at_the_fish_shop/ | self.jokes | null | The fish got battered! | Did you hear about the fight at the fish shop last night? | 1 |
post | ft1pia | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,390 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1pia/whats_the_difference_between_a_garbanzo_bean_and/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? | 0 |
post | ft1o78 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,271 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1o78/today_for_the_very_first_time_president_trump/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Today for the very first time, President Trump stated that he now accepts that his pandemic response was a total disaster and he has decided to use all the legal resources available to him and save many American lives. | 2 |
post | ft1o55 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,265 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1o55/a_suspected_covid19_male_patient/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A suspected Covid-19 male patient | 0 |
post | ft1o1w | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,256 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1o1w/my_wife_offered_me_a_blowjob_today/ | self.jokes | null | ‘Really’ I said
‘No, April fooaarrrrglegargle’
That’ll teach her to be funny | My wife offered me a blowjob today. | 4,181 |
post | ft1ny1 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,247 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1ny1/my_grandpa_once_told_me_he_could_never_be_homeless/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | My grandpa once told me he could never be homeless... | 0 |
post | ft1nmc | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,214 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1nmc/you_know_why_oprah_got_arrested_at_the_airport/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | You know why Oprah got arrested at the airport? She had 10 pounds of crack in her dress. | 1 |
post | ft1ncy | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,192 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1ncy/this_is_a_remix_of_another_joke_of_this_subreddit/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | (this is a remix of another joke of this subreddit) What is a pirate least favorite letter? | 3 |
post | ft1mxf | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,158 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1mxf/i_dont_know_whats_going_on_in_your_life_right_now/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but figured you might need to hear this. | 2 |
post | ft1mll | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,126 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1mll/what_are_the_best_jokes_for_april_1st_this_year/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What are the best jokes for April 1st this year? | 1 |
post | ft1lxb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,754,059 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1lxb/a_priest_a_pedophile_and_a_serial_rapist_enter_a/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A priest, a pedophile and a serial rapist enter a bar | 1 |
post | ft1krn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,955 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1krn/who_is_american_president/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Who is American President? | 2 |
post | ft1k7t | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,905 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1k7t/the_party_game/ | self.jokes | null | Jack was in a party with a bunch of friends, everyone was having fun and stuff, and proposed a game:
*Hey guys! Let's see who can do the best bird impression!*
His friends mocked him for proposing such a stupid game.
Jack got pissed and flew away. | The party game | 0 |
post | ft1jbo | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,829 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1jbo/believe_it_or_not_i_started_my_day_the_same_way/ | self.jokes | null | Well actually | Believe it or not, I started my day the same way nerds start their responses in reddit comments. | 4 |
post | ft1ht5 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,691 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1ht5/a_blonde_walks_into_a_doctor/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A blonde walks into a doctor... | 1 |
post | ft1hfs | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,658 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1hfs/honey_honey_youre_in_my_ass/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | ‘Honey, honey you’re in my ass...’ | 2 |
post | ft1g81 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,553 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1g81/two_elephants_are_sitting_in_the_bathtub_together/ | self.jokes | null | "No soap radio?" | Two elephants are sitting in the bathtub together, and one says to the other... | 0 |
post | ft1fdb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,474 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1fdb/a_shipwreck_only_scarlett_johansson_and_some/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A shipwreck, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on an deserted island... | 8 |
post | ft1b4r | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,095 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1b4r/what_did_the_necrophiliac_say_when_he_walked_in/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What did the necrophiliac say when he walked in on a bunch of dead Andrew Dice Clay impersonators who died sitting around a table playing Yahtzee? | 0 |
post | ft1aza | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,080 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1aza/human_hey_god_can_you_please_reinstall_2020it_has/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Human: Hey God! Can you please reinstall 2020.....it has a virus | 1 |
post | ft1aoe | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,051 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1aoe/why_isnt_cricket_a_great_sport_in_china/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Why isn't Cricket a great sport in China? | 1 |
post | ft1ant | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,753,049 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft1ant/why_the_car_stopped/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Why The Car Stopped | 1 |
post | ft192g | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,903 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft192g/what_did_the_necrophiliac_say_when_he_wanted_in/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What did the necrophiliac say when he wanted in on a bunch of Andrew Dice Clay impersonators who died at the table playing Yahtzee? | 1 |
post | ft191n | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,901 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft191n/so_i_was_at_the_shop_the_other_day_buying_lots_of/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | So I was at the shop the other day buying lots of food and essentials. | 0 |
post | ft18rf | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,869 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft18rf/the_united_states_and_britain_are_having_a/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can fuck themselves up the most. | 35 |
post | ft18dz | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,834 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft18dz/dear_landlord_april_fools/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Dear Landlord, April Fools! | 3 |
post | ft18bn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,826 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft18bn/farmer_joes_bull_breaks_down_the_barbed_wire/ | self.jokes | null | Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence post and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says “I’ve got plenty of barbed wire you can use to replace that fence, but I’m getting too old for the hard work. Why don’t you hire some of the folks at r/jokes? I hear they’re the best at reposting” | Farmer Joe’s bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again... | 5 |
post | ft17yt | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,797 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft17yt/what_does_coronavirus_and_dark_humor_have_in/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What does coronavirus and dark humor have in common? | 7 |
post | ft15j6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,565 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft15j6/how_do_you_know_your_sisters_on/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | How do you know your sister’s on? | 2 |
post | ft153h | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,524 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft153h/how_do_you_refer_to_boobs_in_a_legal_argument/ | self.jokes | null | Entities | How do you refer to boobs in a legal argument? | 2 |
post | ft11hh | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,180 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft11hh/i_tried_changing_my_password_to_brazildefense_but/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | I tried changing my password to "brazildefense" but Reddit said it was too weak | 3 |
post | ft11ae | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,160 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft11ae/i_once_knew_a_nun_with_a_filthy_habit/ | self.jokes | null | I once knew a nun with a filthy habit.
But she was able to take it to the dry cleaners.
The cum n' coke stains were particularly hard to get out.
The mission was know for its cumin and cola themed fundraisers.
These were usually followed by an orgy.
Of evidence the nun led a boring life.
Of being devoted to the missionary position. | I once knew a nun with a filthy habit | 0 |
post | ft10kc | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,092 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft10kc/a_man_who_lived_by_the_sea_grew_a_cucumber_so/ | self.jokes | null | Now he’s in a pickle. | A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house. One day a bad storm flooded the area with seawater and damged his home. | 1,239 |
post | ft0zy5 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,752,030 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0zy5/what_does_santa_claus_say_when_he_works_in_his/ | self.jokes | null | Hoe Hoe Hoe! | What does Santa Claus say when he works in his garden? | 1 |
post | ft0yrc | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,908 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0yrc/trump_diagnosed_with_coronavirus/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Trump diagnosed with Coronavirus | 0 |
post | ft0ya6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,861 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0ya6/when_this_crisis_is_over/ | self.jokes | null | If you had to choose between going on a bender with the lads or taking your partner out for a romantic dinner.....
Which bar would you meet your mates in? | When this crisis is over. | 0 |
post | ft0xjj | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,785 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0xjj/a_man_was_talking_to_his_blind_friend_who_was/ | self.jokes | null | The guy said, “See.” | A man was talking to his blind friend who was very talented. He asked her, “With that much talent, is there anything you can’t do?” | 1 |
post | ft0wt2 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,714 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0wt2/i_couldnt_believe_who_the_candadian_pm_was_when_i/ | self.jokes | null | But I checked and what I was told was true though | I couldn't believe who the Candadian PM was when I was told. | 6 |
post | ft0u2e | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,452 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0u2e/losing_your_virginity/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Losing your virginity | 0 |
post | ft0u0y | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,448 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0u0y/i_was_shocked_when_i_found_out_canada_had_a_prime/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | I was shocked when I found out Canada had a Prime Minister so I checked the news... | 0 |
post | ft0tmd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,410 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0tmd/what_happens_after_your_cat_gets_old/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What happens after your cat gets old? | 0 |
post | ft0t0o | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,360 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0t0o/why_are_ballet_dancers_good_in_bed/ | self.jokes | null | Because they do it in five positions | Why are ballet dancers good in bed? | 2 |
post | ft0sqi | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,334 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0sqi/darth_vader_and_luke_skywalker_are_engaged_in_a/ | self.jokes | null | "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas"
Luke ignored him and continued to to fight.
But he whispers again "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas"
Luke stops fighting and says "Ok, what are you going on about?"
"I have felt your presence" | Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are engaged in a lightsaber duel, when Vader whispers.... | 5 |
post | ft0sog | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,327 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0sog/where_do_you_go_if_you_want_to_eat_food_cooked_by/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Where do you go if you want to eat food cooked by a short Jamaican? | 4 |
post | ft0ruo | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,246 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0ruo/i_used_to_work_in_a_chicken_farm_in_the/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I used to work in a chicken farm in the Philippines. | 2 |
post | ft0qtq | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,751,152 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0qtq/a_cowboy_is_captured_by_indians_the_chief_tells/ | self.jokes | null | The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset.
As the sun dips in the sky, here comes the horse back, with a beautiful brunette in the saddle. "Is this your last request?" the chief asks. "Uh, no," says the cowboy. "My last request is to say goodbye to my horse once more." "Ok..." says the chief. The cowboy leans into his horses ear and hisses,
"You idiot! I said 'Posse! Posse!" | A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they'll grant 3 requests before they scalp him. | 22,763 |
post | ft0nu4 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,750,866 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0nu4/news_headline_social_distancing_seems_to_be/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | News headline: Social distancing seems to be working in the greater Seattle area, flattening the curve and slowing the infection rate dramatically. | 1 |
post | ft0lz1 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,750,684 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0lz1/hey_girl_is_your_father_a_rapper/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Hey girl, is your father a rapper? | 0 |
post | ft0ldw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,750,629 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0ldw/a_blind_man_enters_a_bar_and_asks_the_barkeeper/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A blind man enters a bar and asks the Barkeeper "Wanna hear a joke about blondes?" | 0 |
post | ft0jt7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,750,482 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0jt7/when_i_was_younggod_gave_me_one_wish_to_wish_for/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | When I was young,God gave me one wish to wish for anything,so I wished that I could at least get one girlfriend before dying | 7 |
post | ft0j8c | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,750,428 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0j8c/last_night_i_was_peepainting_on_a_wall_when_the/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Last night I was pee-painting on a wall when the police caught me red-handed | 1 |
post | ft0etd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,994 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0etd/why_does_snoop_dog_have_an_umbrella/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Why does snoop dog have an umbrella? | 1 |
post | ft0e1m | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,923 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0e1m/did_you_know_that_wombats_are_capable_of_complex/ | self.jokes | null | They can cube the number 2. | Did you know that wombats are capable of complex mathematical operations? | 12 |
post | ft0e06 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,918 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0e06/what_do_you_say_when_you_greet_someone/ | self.jokes | null | It’s just the flu. | What do you say when you greet someone? | 0 |
post | ft0dbb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,852 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0dbb/did_you_hear_about_the_constipated_engineer/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Did you hear about the constipated engineer? ... | 1 |
post | ft0cuk | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,810 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0cuk/i_respect_the_people_who_are_able_to_sit_and_stay/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I respect the people who are able to sit and stay at home during these times. | 1 |
post | ft0ch3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,778 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0ch3/do_you_ever_wonder_who_am_i_where_am_i_going_what/ | self.jokes | null | Well, mind your own business. | Do you ever wonder "Who am I? Where am I going? What am I doing?" | 8 |
post | ft0axc | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,640 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft0axc/a_woman_is_giving_birth_to_her_child/ | self.jokes | null | And finally, after much effort and pain, the doctor manages to help deliver the baby. The Doctor then proceeds to chuck the baby out of the window.
W: "Why? Why did you do that to my poor baby, you monster?"
The Doctor laughs maniacally and replies "April Fool's! He was already dead." | A woman is giving birth to her child | 12 |
post | ft07qs | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,749,315 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft07qs/what_did_the_cheese_say_when_it_saw_itself_in_the/ | self.jokes | null | Halloumi | What did the cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror? | 10 |