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samsung to halt global sales, exchanges of galaxy note 7 | not sarcastic |
two ministers claim they could face 180 years in jail for refusing to do gay weddings | not sarcastic |
robin williams still missing after three-day free-association binge | sarcastic |
'your father died peacefully in his sleep,' assures hospice nurse who spent past 6 months watching man wither away in agony | sarcastic |
exclusive met gala photos you won't see anywhere else | not sarcastic |
cat stevens declares jihad on james taylor | sarcastic |
chicago man brushes mound of snow from beef sandwich before eating it | sarcastic |
the powerful new play breaking the silence about sexual violence | not sarcastic |
sanders beats all top republican candidates in latest poll | not sarcastic |
a museum in germany is asking designers to give peace a new sign | not sarcastic |
vet sets out to swim mississippi river in memory of fallen soliders | not sarcastic |
14 places to eat, drink and shop in new york city's chelsea market | not sarcastic |
saudi authorities decry wasteful 3-hour death-row appeals process | sarcastic |
cincinnati campus police had surge in citations against black motorists and pedestrians | not sarcastic |
allergy sufferer dies after being stung by dog | sarcastic |
someone recut the 'elf' trailer as a thriller, and it's terrifying | not sarcastic |
palin brushing up on foreign policy at epcot | sarcastic |
day 2: mosel riesling, how divine | not sarcastic |
catching up on 2 seasons of 'house of cards' depressingly manageable | sarcastic |
women in business q&a: nawal motawi, motawi teleworks | not sarcastic |
kendall and kylie jenner get revenge on cheating guy in snapchat soap opera | not sarcastic |
this is what happens to your skin during a chemical peel | not sarcastic |
woman judges cities solely by their airports | sarcastic |
clear theme of obedient children emerging in father's bedtime stories | sarcastic |
florida man who landed gyrocopter at u.s. capitol rejects plea deals | not sarcastic |
vilsack reprimanded for spending work hours writing corn blog | sarcastic |
what it's like to have face blindness | not sarcastic |
colbert's mcdonald's all-day breakfast prophecies are coming true | not sarcastic |
baby and beagle pose for adorable monthly photos over course of 2 years | not sarcastic |
family embarrassed by way son died | sarcastic |
nursing home patient glad she's going home tomorrow every day | sarcastic |
reddit and violent speech: can hate be banned? | not sarcastic |
'american crime' is a fine show, and we have absolutely, positively no idea where it's going | not sarcastic |
finally something economists can agree on: trump's debt talk made zero sense | not sarcastic |
comedian breaks down the hilarious struggles of a latino thanksgiving | not sarcastic |
florida passes bill gutting abortion and contraception access | not sarcastic |
lisa turtle looks very different these days | not sarcastic |
study finds 80 percent of facial hair being silently judged at any one time | sarcastic |
going against the flow: diana paredes, ceo of suade | not sarcastic |
nick verreos sees a marriage between fashion geeks and computer geeks | not sarcastic |
roe made abortions legal, but it doesn't keep women and providers safe | not sarcastic |
permanent white house staff on edge about the 2016 presidential race | not sarcastic |
18 alternatives to those played-out dorm-room posters | not sarcastic |
jonathan rhys meyers apologizes after troubling photos emerge | not sarcastic |
congress wishes they could help puerto rico but it's all the way over there | sarcastic |
bats shooed out of nation's waterslide tunnels in preparation for summer | sarcastic |
millions of americans shocked to discover favorite movie directed by woman | sarcastic |
millennium actually starts in 2001, terrorists note | sarcastic |
noxious minions of satan offer free installation through july | sarcastic |
visit to doctor splurged on | sarcastic |
trump launches another sexist tweet in newest attack on 'morning joe' hosts | not sarcastic |
the onion is getting into the movie business | not sarcastic |
house conservatives claim democrats have failed black communities | not sarcastic |
sweating cornnuts vp stammers way through pitch for 'nutsarito' at taco bell | sarcastic |
16 quick highlights from j.j. abrams and chris rock's tribeca film festival talk | not sarcastic |
soap star's pattern of forming unhealthy bonds began in preschool | not sarcastic |
google chooses saving lives over profits in the midst of opioid epidemic | not sarcastic |
arby's releases barbara bush tribute edition curly fries | sarcastic |
report: takeout place put burrito in completely different container this time | sarcastic |
grown man enjoys duping children | sarcastic |
terry mcauliffe defends hillary clinton's 'dead broke' comment | not sarcastic |
2018 winter olympics cancelled due to inclement weather | sarcastic |
local muppet held for questioning in chicken sex ring | sarcastic |
kris jenner has her say on son-in-law kanye west's 'good intentions' | not sarcastic |
target of future drone attack urges american intervention in syria | sarcastic |
florida police warn public against taking law into own hands unless it's that law specifically designed for you to do that | sarcastic |
rick santorum relieved no one has asked him about interracial marriage yet | sarcastic |
pope francis prays at jerusalem's western wall | not sarcastic |
wolf pack fails to raise orphaned infant | sarcastic |
amazon signs lease for possible store in manhattan | not sarcastic |
minnie driver optioned by harrison ford | sarcastic |
rachel zenzinger deserves to return to colorado state senate | not sarcastic |
nation's beekeepers warn they don't know how much longer they can hold back swarms' wrath | sarcastic |
the extraordinary ordinary life and death of elisabeth k眉bler-ross | not sarcastic |
'don't make me regret this,' mueller tells rick gates before uncuffing him to work on investigation together | sarcastic |
clinton campaign treasurer crushed to death after stack of campaign funds topples over | sarcastic |
tom brady says gisele bundchen told him to shut up about politics | not sarcastic |
dnc keynote speaker definitely not keynote speaker only because he's latino | sarcastic |
delta air lines resumes flights after computer systems suffer power outage | not sarcastic |
michelle obama can still hear their little labored breaths when she closes her eyes | sarcastic |
robert mueller driving suv 100 mph down runway as air force one narrowly lifts off | sarcastic |
america is pretty damn great already, biden says in fiery dnc speech | not sarcastic |
mike pence horrified by d.c. cherry trees flagrantly displaying reproductive organs | sarcastic |
baltimore pigeons shocked to find beloved shitting statues gone | sarcastic |
the 5 types of parents we all love to hate... sometimes | not sarcastic |
jesus loves trump, but he wouldn't vote for him | not sarcastic |
bill maher has superficial debate about 'n***a' after controversy | not sarcastic |
media company looking for ways to get rid of veteran 24-year-old employee | sarcastic |
tomato genetically modified to be more expensive | sarcastic |
the best hotel getaways for valentine's day | not sarcastic |
steven spielberg says netflix films shouldn't qualify for oscars | not sarcastic |
cnn discovers elegant way to call bulls**t on donald trump's bulls**t | not sarcastic |
the legend of goddess bunny, hollywood's forgotten, disabled, trans art star | not sarcastic |
bloated, rotund bernie sanders reveals he has finished drinking all of flint's water supply | sarcastic |
theodore roosevelt was a gay man | sarcastic |
6th-grade teacher seen making out with gamestop dude | sarcastic |
dating profile flatly states man looking for someone he can control | sarcastic |
netanyahu assures critics he still has utmost respect for u.s. money | sarcastic |
obama proposes tax increase on meanest 2% of population | sarcastic |
in louisiana, a plan to relocate the country's first 'climate refugees' hits a roadblock | not sarcastic |