Datasets:

Osondu

/

reddit_autism_dataset

like 0

Daughter hates her autistic brother

My son (9m) has autism. He’s high functioning but misses tons of social cues and can be very awkward. Sometimes he is very rude. If he gets angry he can be downright awful and say terrible things. My daughter (13f) absolutely can’t stand him. If I’m being honest, they’re both jerks to each other most of the time. Tonight, when it was just the two of us. she cried the entire way to the store telling me that she’s upset she’ll never have a sibling that she can hang out with. She says she doesn’t consider him her brother and that when they grow up she’s never going to speak to him. She sees her friends hanging out with their siblings all the time. My daughter said she’s bored and lonely all the time. It’s pretty devastating that my kids don’t get along. I told her that I grew up with two sisters who were close in age to me and for most of our lives they beat me up all the time and we all hated each other. Even if you have siblings/sisters, they won’t always get along. I’m going to get her back into therapy to see if that helps. But I was hoping to get some feedback here.

I think this is a pretty normal dynamic between a 13yo & a 9yo, especially if the 9yo can be “downright awful and say terrible things.” Therapy for the both of them (or whole family) might be helpful. If you don’t like your kids’ dynamic, I’d hop on family therapy and don’t let yourself scapegoat one kid as “the hater.”, I have some nieces and nephews who aren’t autistic and when they got to this age gap where one was becoming a teen and the other was really still a child (and girls often mature faster than boys making this gap seem even wider) the relationship was pretty much non-existent between the siblings. The teen wants to be on their phone, the kid is still playing with toys. I would just gently tell her that this is something all siblings go through, and every year things will change. Not wanting to hang out now doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. Of course, it’s very hard to get through to teens., It’s normal for siblings to not get along unfortunately. You are doing a good job bringing your daughter to therapy. I would also recommend looking for a book to help siblings cope with their autistic sibling., I have two sisters and a father that would probably be diagnosed if they were born today. Honestly, my mother is an enabler that *allows* everyone to be jerks all the time. I'd consider family counseling or maybe individual counseling for yourself, just to make sure you're being the best parent you can be and establishing fair boundaries within the household. In my family, problems honestly started with my dad and mom's dynamic and spead downward. Dad struggles with social pragmatics (not necessarily his fault if he's on the spectrum) but also never got his own regulation issues and anger issues under control (totally his fault -- should have been in therapy). My mom would just "make it ok" because he "has a good heart." And she'd do the same thing when my siblings were / are jerks. The loudest jerk would always get their way. I was the youngest and spent my whole childhood on eggshells. Things could turn on a dime with no warning, and there was nobody really there to protect me., Me and my brothers fought like cats and dogs. Now 2 of us are in our 20s and the third is 18 and we absolutely love each other but still get into petty arguments mostly with the 18 year old as he is a teen and they can be well bitchy 😂but I never imagined we would be this close. I would die for both of them🩵 it’s normal. My middle brother had ADHD terribly. My mom was single and I was forced into a parenting role only 4 years older than him. I could not stand him. He was hell to watch. These days he’s my closest sibling. And he is still severely adhd and way behind on maturity for 22 you would think he was 15 but I wouldn’t change him for the world., OP this is totally normal. I can’t put it more simply. I’m the sister in this situation except switch our ages. My brother was the older ASD one and the same thing happened. I felt lonely too, and my brother didn’t wanna really hang out with ME lol. Just continue to give them fun experiences together to do and over the years they usually just Grow passed this. My two ASD boys don’t get along all the time either and mine is 12 and about to be 7 and what I like to do, is give them model kids to build together, or games to play. I Tell them to share, stick together, and daily words that reinforce that you are siblings, you have the same mother, that’s your blood, and you love each other. I continue to lead by example by making an active effort to have them around family and friends who understand the situation and also help reinforce things with me so it doesn’t just come out of my mouth all the time but the other people around them. Call on your “village” if you have one to be a little more envolved if you need to. ; ), We’ll definitely don’t force her to spend time with him. That’s what my mom did with me and my sister. We’re both neurodivergent as is our mother. So we were all missing social cues but my mom only seemed to see things from my sister’s perspective because they are both the younger sibling. She basically taught me that I wasn’t allowed to have boundaries and she taught my sister that she could violate other people’s boundaries, especially mine. Autism is hard because you can sense that there are rules but no one ever wants to say what they are out loud. So the boundaries are invisible and when you run into one, you are punished in some way. But if you ask what the rules are, that’s also a problem. So what are we supposed to do? Other people seem to just understand the rules without being told. Except that they don’t either. They experience a ton of misunderstandings because they are all acting on unspoken rules. If therapy is an option for you all as a family, I would suggest that. Everyone needs to learn how to communicate their needs and boundaries without resorting to yelling or manipulation. Everyone needs to learn how to regulate their emotions. One suggestion I have for you with you son is to challenge him to give evidence for his opinions. I can say from experience with my husband and son that a lot of boys and men with autism spend a lot of time coming to a conclusion, but once that conclusion is made, it is so difficult to get them to see another perspective. They really need a lot of evidence to sway their opinion, but if you can get him to do that work for you by showing you his evidence, you have a chance to point out flaws in the perspective. My son told me some supernatural creature was absolutely real because the internet told him and I asked him to show me his evidence. He came back and his own evidence said it was a story. He dropped that opinion quick., My brother has the same issue w his sons. One is ASD and the other is not. He can’t leave them home alone as they get older. He fears they could harm each other., 13 and 9 are tough ages in all kids. I hope their relationship will improve in the future., Have you looked into Young Carers for your daughter. I don't know if you have Young Carers in your country/area. It is a support group for children with disabled parents or siblings it gives them an opportunity to meet other kids with similar families., My youngest sibling is also on the spectrum, we have a similar age gap and he had violent meltdowns as a child. Somewhere around high school/14/15 i decided it was really important to me to be a good “cool” older sibling to him. Especially when he started high school. We were all seeing talk therapists at that point, and I think that was helpful. We are very close today. I think some animosity around that age is normal. Hormones are awful and that’s the peak age for wanting to blend in easily. Good in you for being a proactive parent!, Please don’t call him high functioning. We don’t use that phrase aka term anymore, I’m autistic too so I get it, I agree with what others have said about age and some siblings / not all siblings get along. I have the opposite problem so I feel this so deeply. My oldest who is autistic does not like their little sister and is very blunt and what appears cruel about it but it’s just their inability to communicate gently. It’s so so hard and I wish there was an answer, Living in the exact same situation. Following., My younger brother is 3 years younger than me. Growing up I had thr exact same feelings as your daughter. I felt envious of my friends whi had "normal" siblings and was very embarrassed of my brother. We are both in our 30s now and are very close. It has its challenges sometimes but he's definitely one of my best friends., She’s older by several years, with a male autistic sibling. They’re going to butt heads and say awful things to each other (which is wrong, yes). They probably have very different interests, different friend groups, different maturity levels. I go through the same with my siblings, even now. My non-autistic brother is 9 years older than I am and we can hardly communicate with each other. It’s not anyone’s fault…it’s just how it is. Therapy does help me., I feel you! I have an 8yo son with Autism (PDA profile) + ADHD, and 2 older kids , 12yo girl and 14yo boy who are also being assessed for autism+ADHD. Add teenager hormones, general anxiety, and sibling BS. Mate it's a shit show. They love each other, but most of the time they don't like each other. I feel like I'm running around with a fire extinguisher putting out spot fires all day long., Also check out your local ARC (autism resource center) if you are in the US. Ours has a sibling workshop - its like a support group for kids who have special needs siblings. Haven't had to utilize it yet both of my kiddos are still little. Edit: it's not just for kids with autistic siblings but any special needs sibling. I looked it up after I commented., Not only this... But agreeing with one child's negative feelings towards another child and accepting them for lack of a better term creates an uneven playing field and allows the child to feel above the other and breeds negativity and resentment. My mother would never allow that and my brother and I have a great relationship. You can't allow negative talk about people and not expect it to lead to disrespect and dislike. Especially relating to it with your own negative sibling experience. These are kids not adult friends you can unload to. I say the same about negative language. I had my daughters IEP change the word screeching as she is non verbal and that's pretty negative language to explain her trying to communicate., 🙄 What term would you prefer?, I don’t prefer that but that’s what everyone is saying., I saw “high vs low support needs” and I tend to use that, or even the level system because the focus is more on the support needed. Of course, not everyone uses that phrasing. Obligatory YMMV, Fair enough. I’ll try to use current language, Agreed - I'm someone who's very articulate and presents very close to NT but I've actually got some serious support needs. I've been called "high functioning" my whole life (when that's really not accurate) as a result. Using the "support needs" labels is a much better descriptor - "functional" labels compare us to NTs and minimize our support needs and create a divide between being extremely articulate and presenting very well and having high support needs when the two qualities actually can and often do coexist within an individual., I appreciate it, truly. Thank you, Yeah. My original diagnosis was Asperger Syndrome which tells you about my profile, sure, but people expect someone with that diagnosis to be able to live independently and I can’t without a PCA., Exactly. I'm still trying to get my parents and therapist on board to help me get set up with SSDI and a caretaker given that I can't care for myself and have a very difficult time living independently, but nobody is biting.

Daughter not listening and my wife and I disagree how to handle it

My daughter is 10 and has autism and ADHD. She's verbal, smart, goes to school, etc. But generally, across the board, she doesn't listen to me, and usually anything I try to do about it create conflict with my wife. We've had tons of discussions about this, but they usually end with her saying I don't understand and me saying that she her answer is being permissive and enabling bad behavior. An example was last night. Her and her little sister were bouncing the ball in the living room but they were starting to hit the Lego's that my wife and I had put together, it was getting late so I told her to stop bouncing the ball. Instead of stopping, she went over to the staircase to continue bouncing the ball up the staircase because it was away from the legos. In my mind, this was misbehavior. It isn't up to her to change the condition of what I asked of her. My wife is a social worker, and she sees things like this as a result of a compulsion to meet sensory needs. I even ask her if she would have allowed it, and she says it was a case where she would have picked her battles. I give her a lot of grace for things that, to me, are obviously impulsive or compulsions, like she still puts stuff in the mouth or likes to play with water more than she should. But I don't think that's what this is, I can't let her think that it's okay to defy what I told her to do because she thought she knew her. I don't see any way that this kind of enabling isn't going to create huge problems down the road. Can anyone else make sense of this? I fundamentally don't know how to parent if misbehavior can be reframed as "compulsion to meet sensory needs". Edit: Thanks for the suggestions. I don't think I considered that my daughter might feel threatened of losing control when I tell her what to do. Some of you guys mentioned pathological demand avoidance, which might be what this feels like. I don't see any traction on the sensory stuff. I don't think there is any there three.

What it sounds like is she's finding a solution to the issue that could get you both what she thinks you want, which is "don't hit the legos" + "I still get to bounce the ball", without inferring the social hierarchy you wish to inject into the situation (i.e. I'm the adult, you're the child, do exactly what I tell you). My kid had a lot of the same conflicts with my husband growing up and things got a whole lot better when he realized that our kids often operate based on what was said and not who said it., Two things pop out at me in this post. First, did you say to stop bouncing? Or did you say please stop bouncing, you're going to hit the legos? The second one adds a qualifier that your daughter can use as a loophole- which I used to do regularly as a child 😅 The second issue is one I think you and your wife need to take seriously. Even if she doesn't necessarily agree with you, she HAS to back you up. You ask can talk later without the kids to see if you would do something different next time, but she can't undermine you or paint you to be the 'difficult parent'. My own husband and I have this agreement whenever we noticed our LO using me against him and coming to me whenever he sets rules (even if I'm thinking he's overreacting). United front is key, I’m hearing that you don’t like it when your daughter disobeys you and that your wife is probably right about you not understanding your daughter’s behavior., Did you just make it clear that you wanted her to stop bouncing the ball entirely or did you tell her to stop bouncing the ball because it could destroy the legos? If it were me. I would have handled it through a conversation after she started bouncing the ball. Enforcing my boundary by taking the ball, and asking or helping find a new activity that helps fill any sensory need. I have the unique experience of raising old kids, having a giant gap and now having smaller kids. I raised my older kids in the typical parents have ultimate control, no tolerance for defiance. It created insane amounts of resentment for everyone, endless power struggles & insecurities in my children I never wanted. (My oldest is AuDHD, and middle is ADHD) Now I'm more focused on being a safe space for my children, and teaching them to cope with the world and the demands it will put on them while also honoring themselves & their individual needs., My son has a PDA profile…a fairly strong one and we can’t tell him to do anything. We’ve had to learn and relearn how to communicate with him on his terms yet still try to get the results we need/want. Also yelling, even raising the voice a little, being sarcastic, or even exasperated…these things just don’t work. Also, really, you and your partner need to be as consistent as possible for the sake of your child. If this means putting your ego down, then that’s what you need to learn to do., Look hard into the PDA autistic profile. You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t understand where your daughter is coming from., Can you clarify this sentence? I think there might be a typo, or if not, I am reading it wrong. "I can't let her think that it's okay to defy what I told her to do because she thought she knew her." Knew her what?, Look into ‘Pathological Demand Avoidance’ or as it’s often shortened to ‘PDA’, This is really similar to problems we have in our house. I definitely empathize. I noticed in your comments you keep saying that you’ve failed to create structure and order in your house. What do you mean? What would that look like for you?, She sounds similar to my child. I do try to see it as him meeting sensory needs but also try and move the need to something I’m ok with if he’s doing something that I don’t think he should be doing at the moment. My kid also puts things in his mouth and we just bought these stick chew things and it’s helpful for him to use those then sticking random items into his mouth. It does sound like family therapy could benefit you all. It will allow you to get this all out and work together as a family to be on the same pages. I have a NT kid too so I try to make rules consistent for the both of them, but doing so in a way where his sensory and movement needs are also getting met. It’s hard sometimes and my husband and I sometimes have this same conflict as you mentioned too., Yeah, I think that's exactly what she's doing. Problem is that this creates chaos because she doesn't know all my reasons, and I can't always spell everything out to her. For instance, her five year old ADHD sister also wants to bounce the ball, and it wouldn't be fair if only one of the can bounce the ball, there isn't enough room for both of them to play there, and so on. Also I used to explain my reasons, but this created its own problems. Mainly, when you have kids who have a hard time taking no for an answer, giving reasons is rarely responded with understanding, but it's a chance to argue about the reasons. This created a very stressful household because everything was being argued with. That's basically what it became. Usually she knew the reason anyway, she just wanted a chance to argue about it. Honestly, it makes sense, it's what kids do. But it spoils the whole idea of democratic parenting or whatever you want to call it., My kid, who sounds similar to this person's kid, would see straight through this and realize I wasn't being honest about my opinion and call me a hypocrite based on what I said/did in the past. Though a little messier, the solution ended up being the three of us (and siblings where relevant) collaborating when it wasn't a major health or safety concern, and we got so much more buy in when our kids had a part in making the rules and understanding why they were there, especially at this stage., Fwiw, my wife does a much better job supporting me in front of the kids than she used to. But this happened while she was at work. My main issue is I need her support in general. We should be able to talk out our differences and come to agreement about things like discipline, but we can't do that because, as I see it, she wants to be very permissive because of my daughter's autism. But instead of straight up discussions about parenting styles and expectations she injects this language like sensory needs and compulsion where it doesn't fit the situation. She wasn't even home when it happened, it didn't look like a sensory need issue to me, but she is telling that's what it was from my description. I don't know how to do this. IMHO, my wife rationalizes permissive parenting with a lot of therapeutic terminology. I don't even disagree with the terminology, it's just being wrongly applied., Do you have kids?, Excellent answer. Well done., I'm pretty sure I just told her to stop bouncing the ball. Also they were getting close to bedtime so it's not a great time to start a new activity. That's a whole other discussion, how she basically always has to be doing something yet she has a hard time transitioning to bed, etc. Like I just told someone else, I tried the democratic approach, it just creates a lot of stress because kids have a hard time taking no for an answer. So it results in nonstop arguing whenever she has to do something she doesn't want to. It might be easier as she gets older., My daughter can be spoken to and she will cooperate with some things. This is what makes me doubt PDA because that sounds more extreme. But it's still worth looking at because my sense is that whatever is going on right now can develop into PDA. (PDA I think is kind of a new concept.), I didn't think that's what this is. I don't think she has PDA when I looked at it in the past., her -> better. Sorry, auto complete on my phone., Regular routines and responsibilities for everyone. This is when we do this, this is when we do that. I have ADHD myself so it's as much a personal struggle as a family struggle., Have you ever looked into Ross Greene's work? You can find it at livesinthebalance.org. It involves working with your daughter on solutions to problems that take into account both your wants/needs and her wants/needs. I've found that as I've worked to understand where my daughter is coming from and really listen to her, she is more willing to listen to me. It's really different from the "I'm the parent, your the child" mindset, though, so it's not for everyone., From the language and phrases you use, I’m inclined to think your wife is right., Yes, 2, both ASD and intellectual disability as well as epilepsy and Language disorders. I also did 3 years of a teaching degree, which covered childhood development. I can also see that you really just wanted someone to back you up and tell you you were right so you could tell your wife I told you so., Is your daughter receiving therapy from appropriately trained professionals specializing is Autism? If so, it would be a good idea to put your questions to the therapist. I'm certain they would be very happy to answer them., I really think you should read up on PDA some more. Aside from being a father of a autistic child with PDA, I’m also a special needs specialist in a primary school; PDA can look different at different times and under various circumstances. I recommend that you seek out a parenting course with your partner that caters to PDA; it’s your child’s quality of life and well being on the line. Don’t be proud and don’t base your parenting beliefs on your personal theories (pda is a new kind of thing). Sorry if I come across as being harsh; of course I don’t know your full circumstances. But believe me, I know just as many families/parents not doing the right things for their asd kids as families that do what they can including seeking professional help for themselves. I’ll always advocate for the child because I’ve seen too many times in my career, and indeed in my own interactions with my child, too many times we don’t get it right., It’s very common in high masking or high functioning girls especially. The example you gave sounded like she was trying to comply without giving up control. When PDA kids feel like they aren’t in control their anxiety ramps up. I would expect a 10 year old to have developed strategies to maintain control while still complying with commands, so they aren’t getting in trouble. I was a PDA kid who’s now raising a PDA kid. It’ll look different in a low support needs kid vs a high support needs kid, or in a 6 year old vs a 10 year old., No worries! Autocorrect is wonderful and terrible. I just wanted to clarify for myself. I would gently question why it is a problem for your daughter to infer the problem and adapt her actions to make it a win/win situation. I agree that there are times when children need to obey immediately, like on walks. A parent says "stop!" and a child only slows or says "why?" and keeps walking might result in stepping out in front of a car. But in the safety of our own home, it seemed she was looking for a solution to the problem of why you didn't want her to throw the ball, and was successful in that solution. I'm super impressed as a parent of an autistic child that she was able to see from your perspective what the problem was- hitting the legos-and able to come up with a solution that worked for her. You said you "can't see any way that this kind of enabling isn't going to create huge problems down the road,". What kind of problems are you concerned about? I am like your wife in her approach, so possibly, like me, your wife isn't seeing the problems coming and if I/her knew what you are worried about, she may come around to your parenting style., How well managed is your ADHD? From some of your answers in the thread, I'm curious what you're doing for your ADHD management? How well do you manage your executive function skills? My husband doesn't manage his well, only thinks he does and then tries to employ the very things that don't work on him on our daughter. It's more about him trying to control his environment because he hasn't learned to emotionally regulate himself because he was never taught; and less about teaching the kids. I'm hear to tell you - it's never going to work. It is has been well researched that ADHD has a lot of difficulty with authority and it quickly creates this push-pull effect when they feel like a 'demand' has been placed on them. They quickly become reactive, the amygdala is now running that show, and processing shuts down so good luck with trying to use logic or reasoning. My daughter refuses, my husband goes into controlling mode and it just spirals from there. Different skills need to be employed. You have to break the requests down one step at a time with an explanation as to why you're asking. For instance, "It's very close to bedtime, we need to transition from play time to bed time routine". While she was bouncing the ball, walk over to her - visual cues are important - and tell her that the ball is too close to the legos and we don't want to break those so it is best to stop bouncing the ball. Suggest another option for play if there is still time and put a time limit on it to help transition to bed time. She must feel like she has agency in these decisions instead of feeling like a demand. The demand is what puts her into fight/flight/freeze/fawn and then it becomes a tug o war and this is key - it's a reactive response, she's not doing it on purpose. My research as to why that is, is still ongoing as I don't fully understand why a request sparks anxiety that sets off the chain reaction. PDA isn't about obstinance. It's about anxiety. Anxiety triggers the whole cycle. There is current research ongoing that suggests that autistic anxiety is different than what we think is anxiety. The reason I asked you about your own ADHD is because sequencing of steps can be difficult. If it's something you struggle with then it will be difficult to communicate to your daughter in the way she needs to understand. With these kids, there is no 'Because I said so and you will listen'. I've already lived through this battle and am finally getting to the other side so I 'get' it - my entire family is 2E AuDHD. I have done a lot of coaching to understand this dynamic. I highly recommend coaching (there are many videos online as well). And oh I very much understand that your concern is that the real world won't tolerate refusal. One step at a time. Those lessons need to be taught when your daughter is calm and regulated, not dysregulated., Would creating visual schedules and chore charts help? You could solicit your 10 year old’s help so she would feel included, like ask her what chores it would be reasonable for her to do on a regular basis. Then as the parent be super consistent with enforcing those expectations., Is it about autism specifically or just about democratic parenting? I understand the philosophy, I just don't think it works for children when they are young., What I really wanted is what I said I wanted. I don't need Redditors to validate me. What is your purpose in even responding? Let's find out what your true motivations are. It's pointless., Yes, she gets therapy once a week. Yes, I've been asking questions., There's been a lot of people being judgemental in the comments, but I did find a few things useful. I try to separate separate things. Okay, here goes: "PDA is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) or the International Classification of Diseases (ICD). To be recognized, a sufficient amount of consensus and clinical history needs to be present, and as a newly proposed condition, PDA had not met the standard of evidence required at the time of recent revisions.[citation needed]" " In 2011, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) said that PDA has been proposed as part of the autism spectrum but did not include further discussion within the guideline.[1] NICE guidance also expects an ‘ASD’ diagnosis be accompanied by a diagnostic assessment, providing a profile of key strengths and difficulties. Demand avoidance is listed as a ‘sign or symptom of ASD’ (Appendix 3)." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_demand_avoidance That's literally why I thought it was new. If you know better, edit the Wikipedia article. To me it seems comparable to rejection sensitive dysphoria in the ADHD community, something that a lot of people, even experts, think is true but there hasn't been enough empirical evidence yet to verify it., Okay, I'll look into it some more then. When I looked into it in the past it seemed like something much more severe. But I can understand the "trying to comply without giving up control" thing. I don't want to control her, but the total lack of order in my house isn't good for any of us., This is really interesting to me. If you don't mind, do you have any resources you can recommend on helping PDA kids? My daughter's only 4 and in preschool, and she's not definitely not low-support needs at this point, but she's very intelligent and hyperlexic and I'm pretty sure she fits into the PDA profile. She just does not have anything in her head that tells her "oh, I have to do this, because an authority figure is telling me to do so."  If she wants to do something, she is happy and warm and engaged, if she doesn't want to do something it...just doesn't happen. Like they're doing centers at school, and they're sorting out shapes by shape, but she wants to sort them by color and make rainbows, so goddamn it, that's what she's doing. And I respect that she likes to be in control! But not being in control is kind of how school works?  She seems to be in the middle of a major language explosion, so I'm hoping that as our communication increases, we'll be able to negotiate some things with her more easily., > super impressed as a parent of an autistic child that she was able to see from your perspective what the problem was FWIW, I'm happy about this too. I worry sometimes about all the theory of mind stuff, so I'm happy that this isn't crippling her too much. Okay, to answer you, it's almost 8 o' clock at night, her and her 5 year old ADHD sister are both playing with the ball. When you have multiple kids, you have to deal with the dynamic between them. So I to make it fair for both of them, because the 5 year old wants to do whatever the other one is doing. Also they are wired this late at night and I wanted them to start to relax so that they can sleep. So my 10 year old solved one problem, but there was a bunch of reasons why I wanted them to stop. I can't explain all this to 10 year old and have her understand. She's never been responsible for another being. Also I can't do the thing where everything goes unless there is a pressing safely concern that justifies a restriction. My biggest failing as a parent is not creating enough structure for the kids. That would be going the opposite direction. >What kind of problems are you concerned about? Not being able to do things that you don't want to do, and not being able to get along with others. This is an uphill battle already with her autism, I'm not going to set her up to fail at such an early age., I'm going to walk a line here, because I've been getting a several judgemental responses in this thread and you're asking me to open myself up to further criticism. People are reading an ego problem and that I'm too proud. That's okay, I can take it. I don't want to dysregulate anyone though. Let them be their own master, if I can be mine. I don't want to be stereotyped for having ADHD though. I don't actually have issues with authority. I never had any issues with police, no alcohol or drugs. Always been a good worker, got positive evaluations from employers. I'm not saying that everything is well-managed, but this isn't a problem I have had. But I'm struggling. I know my faults, but all I can do is try to do better. I yell too much and make a bigger deal out of things than they merit. I'm not in a great place right now, but I know that this is temporary. I'm not usually like this. But I'm doing this because, right now, I don't think others can. It's just really difficult to take care of our kids. It's easy to be a great caregiver for short bursts of time, but it becomes harder the longer you are with them. My wife is a really good social worker, but her hours are unpredictable, and she's always gone longer than she says she's going to. I also think that, frankly, it's stressful to be home. But this makes it hard for me to have much of a routine. We only have one car so it's usually just me and the kids during the week when they are not at school. I don't think it's fair to judge me in comparison with some kind of an ideal parent, I've done that to myself enough already. I should be able to spend an unlimited amount of time with my kids by myself and be okay, but I can't. I don't think other people can either. In theory, because I have ADHD, it should be easier for other people. But I've never really seen that tested. I also don't want to test that, because I want other people to love them the way I do. Sorry, I didn't respond to a lot of your post. I'll read it more tomorrow, because it's late right now and it might be useful. But I appreciate your response. Take care., My AuDHD daughter is 7 years old, and I've found it to be really successful and have used it for over a year. Autonomy and respect are incredibly important to her, so when she feels respected and that I'm not just bossing her around and expecting compliance, she is much more willing to do things when I ask. I've not heard of democratic parenting before, so I can't comment on that method., Also recommend Ross Green, we have been using it with our 11 year old, with a similar diagnosis. He has a book called the Explosive Child which our paediatrician recommended we read. Your daughter came up with a solution to the problem herself, which is brilliant. My child doesn't have that skill yet., Your daughter is not young. She’s ten., My true motivation is to point out your behaviour to help your kid. Girls with autism get the raw end of the deal, more so than boys. And you don’t seem to understand her at all., Fair enough. But look at the reality of your own experience. That’s what I had to do with my sun son I he fits the PDA profile very strongly. And PDA is a recognised diagnosis in some but not all city councils in the UK. Furthermore, it’s acceptance or not doesn’t mean it’s not a thing. Again, look to your own experience; educate yourself on how to interact with a child with pda. You really do come across in your tone as Coming from a place of ego and seem to be settling validation for your own behaviour towards your child; I recognise this as I’ve encountered it myself. Are you willing to engage in professional parenting counselling? If not, just ask yourself if your interactions with your child are having the desired effect. Furthermore, I can’t help but emphasise how important consistency and a united front are with your partner; anything else is to the detriment of your child’s well-being. And just going on what you’ve said in your OP, I think your partner is right. There’s a saying amongst asd professionals that behaviour is communication. Also, behaviours can absolutely, and most likely, come from ‘a compulsion to meet sensory needs’ in all children but especially in asd children. Please please please take a course in asd parenting for the sake of your child. The more information you have the better., You’re right, it can’t be good. Finding a balance will help a lot. Explaining why you’re wanting her to do certain things, and also thinking first before you give commands (is this something I NEED her to do, or just WANT her to do?) will help. So think about the result you want before you give the command, and see if there’s a way she can maintain control without hurting anyone else., I would start with PDA Project on Instagram. The PDA profile isn’t a part of the DSM-5 yet but it’s becoming pretty widely accepted., The biggest thing for us at this age was to offer choices to give my son a semblance of control while still getting him to do the things we needed him to do. If we were getting ready to go outside for example - do you want to put your coat on first or your shoes? There’s still a choice involved so they feel that sense of autonomy that they need. So at school, maybe you add in a choice. Should we do our writing with the blue pencil or the red pencil? Should we sit at the round table or the square table? It doesn’t work every single time but it helped us so much. He’s in first grade now and we’re getting a lot more cooperation at school., 4 is a really, really tough age to employ the tactics that work best for a PDA profile. Your daughter sounds exactly like mine 2E AuDHD kid; profoundly gifted and also hyperlexic and PDA all the way ... She's 14 now and we're finally starting to make traction but it's been a slog and 4 is hard because they do not yet have the executive function capability or language comprehension to manage the PDA for the long term so you're basically throwing anything you can at the wall and hope it sticks. Gifted kids have asynchronious development so their language might be off the charts (my daughter taught herself the alphabet around 18-19 months. One day I turned around and all the magnetic letters were lined up in the correct order. It was like a Poltergeist moment) but their executive function and by default, self-regulation will be further behind their same age, NT peers. The focus needs to be on executive skills building. We use a therapist who is an executive function specialist. Seth Perler's program is an example of this. He's very good, just $$. We also use a reading specialist for the hyperlexia as that tends to delay reading for some (it's because my daughter has a lower theory of mind and has a hard time visualizing the story in her head so it takes her longer to read. Vocabulary wise her language has always been years ahead of her age). Right now she's doing abstract math at school because she's already tested out of the regular calculus/trig/algebra., I also have two kids and the younger one is not autistic, so I get that. I'm worried about the different needs of the kids and how to handle it when one kid is allowed to do something and the other isn't and it's going to get more difficult when they get older. I assume the ball throwing up the stairs did cause those problems with her sister? Or you enforced the not throwing of the ball before it caused the problems? I probably would have said something like, "smart thinking throwing the ball up the stairs so it wouldn't hit the legos, but you still need to stop throwing the ball," and if she asked why, I would tell her that she needs to stop throwing the ball now and if she wants to know why, she can come talk to me after she stops throwing the ball. If she didn't stop, I'd take the ball. You said that explaining your reasons usually leads to her arguing with you, and that's a fair boundary for you to enforce. "I can tell you, but you first have to stop, and if you start arguing with me, I'll end the conversation,". You sound like a great parent who has your kid's long-term well-being in mind. But you seem very set that you are right and your wife is wrong and is the one who needs to change to your way. She may be able to move towards your direction of parenting if you first make some changes. She may feel like she can't change because she is balancing your parenting out and if you move towards the middle, she can. But if you refuse to self-examine and soften where you can, she likely won't. Your daughter is 10. She is closer to adulthood than babyhood. Thinking for herself and questioning the world are wonderful skills. If she consistently struggles with not being able to do the things she doesn't want to do and if she consistently struggles with not being able to get along with others, that's one thing. But if she is making strides or already doing well in school and learning how to play nice socially, your worries that you are setting her up for failure sounds more like anxiety than fact-driven concerns. That and the fact that your wife has a college education in a social science, and likely knows more about autism than you do, and you still very strongly feel she is the Wrong One. For what is is worth, I was a strong-willed stubborn kid. Strong-willed stubborn kids become strong-willed stubborn adults. I walked out of a master's degree class because a group paper was required the prof wouldn't let me do it alone. I got my master's degree. And despite that prof's warning that I would have to learn how to work with people, I am successful. I have my own business, I'm my own boss. I put my parents through the wringer as a kid. And now I use my strong-will to force the system into working for my autistic son and get him the help that he needs. Having a strong will is a really good thing., Not being judgmental at all. Just the opposite - I come without judgment and an offer to help but your response is actually answering my question because it's reactive. I don't mean that critically; I mean objectively. I.have.lived.this. I still am actually. My husband is a lot like what you're describing and he actually filed for divorce because he got so overwhelmed (it's been rescinded and he's in therapy now and making progress). yes, it's stressful. No, it's not easy. But it's not hopeless. It simply has to be examined through less reactive eyes. Take all the time you need to process - re-read it. I'm a stranger on the internet. I don't know you. I'm not judging you. I want to see you succeed. I want you to be one of the ones that gets it right. I want everyone here to be able to do that. I am lucky I have been able to access services not everyone can afford and that's why I'm here on these boards with the hopes that maybe something I say will help someone in some small way and it builds momentum from there and it's coming from a knowledge based opinion; a lived experience. I've been exactly where you've been. Exactly. Still am with my younger one. But I'm not going to always tell you what you want to hear. I had to accept a lot of things weren't going to be the way I thought they would be. I had to radically accept that and do differently. I was even able to accomplish the impossible - my 14 year old who would call their iPad 'their baby' and have tantrums over limiting screen time, came to me a month or so ago and said, "My generation has the attention span of a goldfish. I'm on the screen too much. I'm going to limit it because i'm not getting enough real experiences." and has. On their own. Just like they will need to do in the real world. And I did it by balancing requests for limits made through self-agency versus a demand of 'because I said so'. Once I learned how to better manage my own triggers, it got a lot easier from there ... that's all I'm saying., It sounds similar, it basically means non-coercive parenting. I like the idea, but the problem we run into is that kids aren't ready for that much freedom. Kids need a structured environment, not a free for all, in my opinion. The way I see it, kids should start life with a lot of structure and then as they get older and more mature you go through the process of giving them freedom and responsibility depending on their developmental state. Like my 10 year old is allowed to cook with close supervision while my 5 year old isn't allowed to use the stove, for example. Being able to do things even when you don't want to is one of those benchmarks that you look for in your kids as they grow up, it unlocks more freedom., I have no idea why you think that. I think you just want to be judgmental., Well said 👍, I wasn't trying to dismiss PDA, but I wasn't crazy for saying, at the very least, that isn't totally accepted by professionals. But I think it's very important to be able to narrow down the autistic spectrum because it's hard to find useful information unless your kid fits specific profiles. Part of the reason I don't post in this sub very often is because a lot of parents are dealing much greater needs than we are, and I don't think I would try compare what I am dealing with, with what they are. I don't know about the ego stuff. I think if you come out as male on here, people are going to project certain qualities on you. But I think ego and the need for validation is normal for both sexes. I don't know what needs to be said about that. A lot of people are talking about classes and counseling, but this is not stuff I really have access to for a bunch of reasons. At a certain level, this is just code for "We think you're a bad parent, we want correct your behavior." If that's what it is, I think I should be allowed to defend myself., Thank you! I see a lot of stuff there that's really resonating., Yes, that makes total sense! I do try to do that and she's starting to really respond well to it. It's easy to forget to do that when we're in a rush, but I need to remember that in the long run it's always easier for both of us if I get her to agree to something than try to force her., Thank you so much for this -- a lot of what you're saying goes along with my instincts about her. I keep telling her dad and her teacher that I think we just need to give her as much love and support as we can, and keep her safe, because she's on her own very individual, uneven growth trajectory and she needs time to mature. Your daughter sounds amazing, you must be so proud of her.  My daughter was the same way with the alphabet -- I turned around one day and she was putting the letters in order, then numbers. Then she started spelling out words from her books. Then from memory. Then she started combining her numbers to make two digit numbers at like, two. She had no spoken language, not even any signs. When she was 2.5 or so I realized she was actually reading, still nonspeaking. She started reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom out loud to herself in the car one morning a few months after turning three, and then her language started to take off.   She's just so all over the place. Her vocabulary and reading comprehension of individual words is high, she enjoys wordplay, and she likes to change the words of songs and books to be about whatever she's into at the moment. But the pragmatic language isn't there at all. She won't tell you her name or how old she is or that she has a little brother and two cats or that she has a tummy ache. She's nowhere near potty trained. She runs off in parking lots to go read license plates on parked cars. Everyone who works with her agrees that she's very intelligent, but she needs so much one-on-one attention to do anything in school that her teacher(who is wonderful) thinks she should stay in a mod-severe class for TK next year. It's hard to know what's the right thing to do.  (Sorry for the novel, I obviously love talking about my daughter! And sorry for piggybacking on your question, OP!), Did your jaw hit the floor when the ipad self-limiting occurred? 🤯 If it was my son giving up his electronic devices I would have pinched myself!, I think the main things I came here for have gotten lost. I can list my own difficulties all day long, but that isn't going to move the needle. What *would* move the needle is understanding autism and how it effects my daughter. This is something that both my wife and I struggle with, we would both like to just talk to an actual expert on autism who could assess my daughter, answer our questions and maybe help us come up with a plan. I know some people are coming in here and seeing the conflict between my wife and I, but what they aren't seeing is that this conflict wouldn't even exist if we had someone with genuine knowledge about this and can tell us what is what. My wife and I both have good intentions, but we're ultimately both doing the same thing, probably what most people on here are doing, and that is becoming internet investigators about everything. But "autism" is a broad spectrum, and a lot information isn't relevant for my daughter, and so you have to be very careful about using internet resources because not everything applies. People say that I came here hoping to be proved right/validated, and some have agreed with my wife. At the same time, no one has actually validated her opinion that my daughter is acting out due to sensory needs or some sort of compulsion. I came here specifically because I didn't understand what my wife was saying, and I don't think the explanation tracks the situation. Yes, obviously, I don't believe her explanation, but this doesn't mean I'm closed minded about it. I'm not closed-minded about any of this. But it seems to be more important to some people to take sides in my marriage than to help me understand what she is saying. People on here have mentioned PDA, and I mentioned it to my wife. She thinks there might be something to it. But we both run into the problem that the symptoms of PDA seem a lot more severe than what my daughter is dealing with. I'm just saying this feels like barking up at least a closer tree. If you want to tell me what I don't want to hear, this is what you need to tell me: My daughter is never going to live independently. She is going to struggle in school and won't be able to go to college even if she wants to. She will move out some day only to move into some kind of group home because she will always need some kind of caregiver. This is what I don't want to hear. Everything else is easy-peasy. I'm an authoritarian parent. I have a fragile ego. I'm not properly managing my ADHD. My wife is right about everything and I'm too bull-headed to listen to her. Come at me. None of these are things I haven't taken seriously at various times. None of this moves the needle. But I worry about approaching this in a pop psychology kind of way and confusing my daughters needs with other children who have different or greater needs than my daughter. I worry that we will set our expectations too low, make her too complacent, and then by the time she needs to do something difficult, she will take the path of least resistance. I don't want to set her up to fail., In this method, you aren't just letting your child dictate the solution. You listen to them and what they are wanting to do and share your concerns about what they are wanting to do. Then, you work together to find a solution that meets both your requirements and boundaries AND what they are hoping to do. I've found my daughter has amazing problem solving skills. I'm not always willing to go with the solutions she comes up with, but by talking about it we can usually find something that works for both of us. Talking about problems/solutions and creative problem solving are both skills that will serve her well in life. In your example, maybe the older child is allowed to go into a different room or the basement to bounce the ball so she meets her sensory needs without the younger child wanting to get involved and also the Legos are safe. If the younger child still wants to be involved, you discuss with the younger one that the older child gets more freedom and responsibility because she is more aware of potential dangers of the basement (or whatever) because of her life experience. But, like I said, it really isn't for everyone. If you want your child to comply because you are the parent and they are the child, then I could see how it wouldn't be the right technique for you. And that's OK. I feel that parenting ND kids requires much different techniques than what are typically used on NT kids. It takes a lot more flexibility on my part, as a parent, and a willingness to take out the control and replace it with choices within age-appropriate boundaries. I really wish you the best and hope someone has some suggestions that will fit better with your parenting style. Good luck!, You posted here wanting advice and you did not like the advice because you really just wanted someone to agree with you. Kids with ASD in most cases are not misbehaving. You need to be able to walk in their shoes and see the world the way they see it. They did not choose to have a disability., Fair enough on all your points, mate. To address your first paragraph, I was probably feeling a certain way about PDA as my autistic ten year old boy fits a PDA profile about 80% and coming from an authoritarian family culture, I’ve had to completely change how I thought parenting was supposed to go. Further to that point, I had to get over myself, humble myself so to speak, to make those parenting shifts. Even as a male, I tend to be harder on male parents; I suppose because working in schools more often than not the dad is absent (which you are not) or otherwise a part of the problem. Indeed in my family it was me that had to change the most and realize my wife was right (not easy!). So apologies for being a bit harsh. Part of my changing my parenting style came through some parental counselling/training things we did on zoom with a counsellor. I was very reluctant as I’d had lots of SEND training for my job working with SEND kids; but one’s own kids? Different story! I also seldom post on here and don’t think I ever have in fact; my child is high functioning, social, and good company most of the time. He has trouble regulating his emotions, hated school (he’s in a home school collective now), and is not very good with fine motor skills—a bit of dyspraxia. Anyway, it seems we’re a bit in the same boat. If you ever feel you want to vent or ask questions, we could pm., Yes. I was in shock. Still am. 😲. But she has been on the device less and asked to do other things. Even practices her instrument more without being asked. She is also more selective about her content. Again in her own as I do monitor the content. She watches videos on how to manage her autism stressors as well as videos that improve her art (she’s a very talented animator). She’s using the technology smarter. And now if I ask her to put it down she does. Without a fight. It’s been truly mind blowing. Especially since I wasn’t orthodox on how we got here. It was a gamble and it paid off., A lot of parenting is dictated by the kids, not the parents, this sub should understand that better than others. You can have whatever parenting philosophy you want, but I find myself walking a fine line regardless., Judgment is not advice. Granted, I knew what I was opening myself up to by posting here., You should write a book about how it all happened, it would make you a mint.

Daughter organizes her blocks the same way every time

So every morning my two-year-old daughter wakes up and grabs the same blocks and lines them up next to each other. Today my wife and I randomly asked ourselves if maybe she had some sort of system or reasoning to it. So. I took a picture of her blocks, put them back in the box, and waited for her to grab them again and put them where she always does. She ended up putting them back in the exact same order. She hasn’t been tested or diagnosed for autism or any other condition before. Should we look for more into this?

It's worth an evaluation, you would also be seeing other signs though. Side note, I can see the reasoning behind the organization of those blocks haha. There's three blues and three greens, but one of the blues is darker so it doesn't seem right to have three of the same green in a group and two light blues with a dark blue, but if you separate one of the blues it doesn't seem right to not separate one of the greens out, the pink goes in the middle because there's only one, and the darker blue goes as far away from the lighter blues as possible so that it's slightly less noticeable that it's different, and the way the greens are separated mirrors it. This is the most visually appealing organization of this set of colors in my opinion., This was of one the signs that got us suspecting that our son might have autism. He will always line up our coasters every morning, the same way. But he also have other traits like hand flapping and finger flicking, inconsistent eye contact and responding to name, minor speech delay to name a few. If it’s just lining up, it could be nothing., My daughter makes stuff. So an oddly stacked color array of heart shape erasers is actually a cheeseburger. Maybe this is your daughter's cheeseburger? These kids are geniuses. Maybe it's a "color palette challenge"? What's her favorite show? I know Bluey makes food from toys., Get it tested as soon as you can. I had suspicions when my daughter was that young and didn’t pursue it, now at 11 we have a confirmed diagnosis and I really regret not acting on my gut feeling when she was younger. Edit to add symptoms: the sign that made me suspicious was she was always very good at jigsaws. She also would be slightly more emotional than her sister and would shut down when overly upset but again nothing overly obvious as being symptoms., It’s very smart but worth a consider evaluation… this was something my son did earlier on.., This alone will likely not get your daughter diagnosed. I would move forward with an evaluation, but I would think carefully about other rigid or routine based behaviors. It’s really hard for girls to get diagnosed this young, but an accurate diagnosis will open up a lot of doors and get you resources and tools to get in front of a lot of potential challenges. Does she use scripts when she talks? Does she like the same foods? Do her foods need to be cut a certain way? Is she engaging with other kids? Does she play with other toys in repetitive ways? What happens if you don’t let her put the blocks in this order? Does she melt down? How’s her gross motor development? A lot to think through, but I have known many families with toddler-aged daughters going in for evaluations completely underprepared. And come out of evaluations being like “that was a waste of time.” And then 10 years later realizing they were onto something and having their kid diagnosed “late.” Look into the more subtle signs of autism for girls and take stock before the appointment. Also waiting lists are incredibly long often, so might as well schedule something and then prepare in the meantime. Good luck 🍀, My daughter met all her milestones right on time except for speech, but I could tell something was off from when she was a tiny baby. Go with your gut. If it concerns you, get the evaluation. Best case scenario, it was not needed. Also, it took us 6 months from when we turned in paperwork to get the actual appointment, so maybe get started now and you'll have a better idea later if you really want to keep that appointment?, 1,2,1,2,1 a palindrome, Gordon Ramsey gonna have a thing to say about how raw this patty is, 😆 Hey... some people just like rare RARE, It's worth an evaluation, you would also be seeing other signs though. Side note, I can see the reasoning behind the organization of those blocks haha. There's three blues and three greens, but one of the blues is darker so it doesn't seem right to have three of the same green in a group and two light blues with a dark blue, but if you separate one of the blues it doesn't seem right to not separate one of the greens out, the pink goes in the middle because there's only one, and the darker blue goes as far away from the lighter blues as possible so that it's slightly less noticeable that it's different, and the way the greens are separated mirrors it. This is the most visually appealing organization of this set of colors in my opinion., This was of one the signs that got us suspecting that our son might have autism. He will always line up our coasters every morning, the same way. But he also have other traits like hand flapping and finger flicking, inconsistent eye contact and responding to name, minor speech delay to name a few. If it’s just lining up, it could be nothing., My daughter makes stuff. So an oddly stacked color array of heart shape erasers is actually a cheeseburger. Maybe this is your daughter's cheeseburger? These kids are geniuses. Maybe it's a "color palette challenge"? What's her favorite show? I know Bluey makes food from toys., Get it tested as soon as you can. I had suspicions when my daughter was that young and didn’t pursue it, now at 11 we have a confirmed diagnosis and I really regret not acting on my gut feeling when she was younger. Edit to add symptoms: the sign that made me suspicious was she was always very good at jigsaws. She also would be slightly more emotional than her sister and would shut down when overly upset but again nothing overly obvious as being symptoms., It’s very smart but worth a consider evaluation… this was something my son did earlier on.., This alone will likely not get your daughter diagnosed. I would move forward with an evaluation, but I would think carefully about other rigid or routine based behaviors. It’s really hard for girls to get diagnosed this young, but an accurate diagnosis will open up a lot of doors and get you resources and tools to get in front of a lot of potential challenges. Does she use scripts when she talks? Does she like the same foods? Do her foods need to be cut a certain way? Is she engaging with other kids? Does she play with other toys in repetitive ways? What happens if you don’t let her put the blocks in this order? Does she melt down? How’s her gross motor development? A lot to think through, but I have known many families with toddler-aged daughters going in for evaluations completely underprepared. And come out of evaluations being like “that was a waste of time.” And then 10 years later realizing they were onto something and having their kid diagnosed “late.” Look into the more subtle signs of autism for girls and take stock before the appointment. Also waiting lists are incredibly long often, so might as well schedule something and then prepare in the meantime. Good luck 🍀, My daughter met all her milestones right on time except for speech, but I could tell something was off from when she was a tiny baby. Go with your gut. If it concerns you, get the evaluation. Best case scenario, it was not needed. Also, it took us 6 months from when we turned in paperwork to get the actual appointment, so maybe get started now and you'll have a better idea later if you really want to keep that appointment?, 1,2,1,2,1 a palindrome, Gordon Ramsey gonna have a thing to say about how raw this patty is, 😆 Hey... some people just like rare RARE, It's worth an evaluation, you would also be seeing other signs though. Side note, I can see the reasoning behind the organization of those blocks haha. There's three blues and three greens, but one of the blues is darker so it doesn't seem right to have three of the same green in a group and two light blues with a dark blue, but if you separate one of the blues it doesn't seem right to not separate one of the greens out, the pink goes in the middle because there's only one, and the darker blue goes as far away from the lighter blues as possible so that it's slightly less noticeable that it's different, and the way the greens are separated mirrors it. This is the most visually appealing organization of this set of colors in my opinion., This was of one the signs that got us suspecting that our son might have autism. He will always line up our coasters every morning, the same way. But he also have other traits like hand flapping and finger flicking, inconsistent eye contact and responding to name, minor speech delay to name a few. If it’s just lining up, it could be nothing., My daughter makes stuff. So an oddly stacked color array of heart shape erasers is actually a cheeseburger. Maybe this is your daughter's cheeseburger? These kids are geniuses. Maybe it's a "color palette challenge"? What's her favorite show? I know Bluey makes food from toys., Get it tested as soon as you can. I had suspicions when my daughter was that young and didn’t pursue it, now at 11 we have a confirmed diagnosis and I really regret not acting on my gut feeling when she was younger. Edit to add symptoms: the sign that made me suspicious was she was always very good at jigsaws. She also would be slightly more emotional than her sister and would shut down when overly upset but again nothing overly obvious as being symptoms., It’s very smart but worth a consider evaluation… this was something my son did earlier on.., This alone will likely not get your daughter diagnosed. I would move forward with an evaluation, but I would think carefully about other rigid or routine based behaviors. It’s really hard for girls to get diagnosed this young, but an accurate diagnosis will open up a lot of doors and get you resources and tools to get in front of a lot of potential challenges. Does she use scripts when she talks? Does she like the same foods? Do her foods need to be cut a certain way? Is she engaging with other kids? Does she play with other toys in repetitive ways? What happens if you don’t let her put the blocks in this order? Does she melt down? How’s her gross motor development? A lot to think through, but I have known many families with toddler-aged daughters going in for evaluations completely underprepared. And come out of evaluations being like “that was a waste of time.” And then 10 years later realizing they were onto something and having their kid diagnosed “late.” Look into the more subtle signs of autism for girls and take stock before the appointment. Also waiting lists are incredibly long often, so might as well schedule something and then prepare in the meantime. Good luck 🍀, My daughter met all her milestones right on time except for speech, but I could tell something was off from when she was a tiny baby. Go with your gut. If it concerns you, get the evaluation. Best case scenario, it was not needed. Also, it took us 6 months from when we turned in paperwork to get the actual appointment, so maybe get started now and you'll have a better idea later if you really want to keep that appointment?, 1,2,1,2,1 a palindrome, Gordon Ramsey gonna have a thing to say about how raw this patty is, 😆 Hey... some people just like rare RARE, It's worth an evaluation, you would also be seeing other signs though. Side note, I can see the reasoning behind the organization of those blocks haha. There's three blues and three greens, but one of the blues is darker so it doesn't seem right to have three of the same green in a group and two light blues with a dark blue, but if you separate one of the blues it doesn't seem right to not separate one of the greens out, the pink goes in the middle because there's only one, and the darker blue goes as far away from the lighter blues as possible so that it's slightly less noticeable that it's different, and the way the greens are separated mirrors it. This is the most visually appealing organization of this set of colors in my opinion., This was of one the signs that got us suspecting that our son might have autism. He will always line up our coasters every morning, the same way. But he also have other traits like hand flapping and finger flicking, inconsistent eye contact and responding to name, minor speech delay to name a few. If it’s just lining up, it could be nothing., My daughter makes stuff. So an oddly stacked color array of heart shape erasers is actually a cheeseburger. Maybe this is your daughter's cheeseburger? These kids are geniuses. Maybe it's a "color palette challenge"? What's her favorite show? I know Bluey makes food from toys., Get it tested as soon as you can. I had suspicions when my daughter was that young and didn’t pursue it, now at 11 we have a confirmed diagnosis and I really regret not acting on my gut feeling when she was younger. Edit to add symptoms: the sign that made me suspicious was she was always very good at jigsaws. She also would be slightly more emotional than her sister and would shut down when overly upset but again nothing overly obvious as being symptoms., It’s very smart but worth a consider evaluation… this was something my son did earlier on.., This alone will likely not get your daughter diagnosed. I would move forward with an evaluation, but I would think carefully about other rigid or routine based behaviors. It’s really hard for girls to get diagnosed this young, but an accurate diagnosis will open up a lot of doors and get you resources and tools to get in front of a lot of potential challenges. Does she use scripts when she talks? Does she like the same foods? Do her foods need to be cut a certain way? Is she engaging with other kids? Does she play with other toys in repetitive ways? What happens if you don’t let her put the blocks in this order? Does she melt down? How’s her gross motor development? A lot to think through, but I have known many families with toddler-aged daughters going in for evaluations completely underprepared. And come out of evaluations being like “that was a waste of time.” And then 10 years later realizing they were onto something and having their kid diagnosed “late.” Look into the more subtle signs of autism for girls and take stock before the appointment. Also waiting lists are incredibly long often, so might as well schedule something and then prepare in the meantime. Good luck 🍀, My daughter met all her milestones right on time except for speech, but I could tell something was off from when she was a tiny baby. Go with your gut. If it concerns you, get the evaluation. Best case scenario, it was not needed. Also, it took us 6 months from when we turned in paperwork to get the actual appointment, so maybe get started now and you'll have a better idea later if you really want to keep that appointment?, 1,2,1,2,1 a palindrome, Gordon Ramsey gonna have a thing to say about how raw this patty is, 😆 Hey... some people just like rare RARE

Daughter recently started speech classes at school but no other students, male teacher?

The teacher is male which is fine, but there aren’t any other students he said usually the parents will just drop the kids off. Nothing wrong with this but my daughter still can’t fully put complete sentences together and I would be so terrified to leave her alone with a male teacher. Has anyone else had this happen?

I stay with my child for therapies too..regardless male or female, I'm a male OT who used to work in schools. I'm thinking your child isn't in school yet or doesn't go to school there since you're dropping them off for speech in a school? Majority of parents drop their kid off & enjoy the break. Some did stay to make sure their child was regulated. Some come & go, or wait outside the room to look at their phone. You're welcome to stay or do whatever you're comfortable with. Something to consider is how your child does without you though. I've had kids where when the parent is in the room they act out more, or are clingy, & they do better when the parent leaves. My son was that way with speech. Some kids do better when the parent is with them though. Maybe stay the first 2-3 sessions & then try leaving for a moment to go to the bathroom to see how it goes. Also how is the room? My OT room had windows, the door was often open, & it was in a busy area with classrooms across the hall with lots of traffic. Teachers, students were always walking by. Teachers stored supplies there so they were always walking in & out. When I had kids with ADHD I had to close the blinds & door because they'd be so distracted with the noises & people walking by I couldn't get anything done, lol., As the father, I would sit in on these sessions no matter what gender they identify as. Not all female therapists are good, and not all male therapists are bad. You have to find those that fit with your family. I had legit asked for a different therapist when I felt they were not vibing with me, my wife, and my kiddo for ABA when we had it. I personally want to say, "It's 2024. These stereotypes of male teachers need to go away, and female abusive teachers are just as much of a risk." HOWEVER, the amount of evidence there is out there about horrid stuff is staggering, and we, as parents, are 100% right to be concerned about your situation. Do not trust anyone, female or male, and trust only your mom/dad gut when it comes to these situations. If you are not comfortable, fight for your ability to sit in sessions., i would, and do, stay with my daughter regardless of whether it is a male or female therapist, Yep I would also stay with my child. The statistics of assault on disabled children is horrifying, No, I haven’t had that happen because male teachers are usually aware of the stigma/perspectives against them and take steps to make parents more at ease. So he should have an open door policy and invite you to stay - I would insist as a parent that I stay then. He’s not necessarily bad or doing anything bad but you my suggestion is make sure / never trust anyone at face value with your child especially if they cannot or have trouble speaking or telling you., Personally I think it's weird that HE is so relaxed about this. My mother taught school 30 years ago and she always opened the door to the room even if she was having a very brief discussion with an older student. I don't assume this teacher is a bad man, but I must question his judgement a bit. It would only be in his best interest to never be alone with the students., Also a benefit of staying is watching the therapy and picking up tips to use at home., We had a beloved piano teacher at my school who gave lessons there and at his home. He was trusted more because he taught at the school and people left their kids there. He kept treats in his bedroom and would give them out *in front of parents* to normalise going in there. My mum left me and my sister and he touched my sisters leg. No idea of he did it to me I was 8ish. She told my mum and she told the school and all the parents turned on her! Long story short he was convicted of sexually abusing 2 boys so even the most beloved teachers need to be eyed with caution., i would stay w my child, Regardless of it being a male teacher, you should definitely be there. It will be super helpful for your child if you’re there that way you can continue doing the things that she’s doing in her sessions at home. A lot of times it’s just best to be there. That way you can reinforce those things at home. Just getting a note or being told verbally isn’t as helpful as being there. A lot of miscommunication can happen and also you can see exactly how the teachers doing it so that way you can do it just like he does., better to be safe than sorry, I’d stay with her., So glad to hear these responses because I was made to feel crazy recently. Recently one of the IEP therapists wanted to tell me that there was a new policy where parents couldn’t observe the IEP session. My kid is 3 and has a speech delay. I’m even less likely to let my kid go alone with someone that’s pushing it! I really felt like the IEP team was trying to make me feel crazy., Speech during the school day at a school they attend? I’m a little confused because I know kids get pulled from classes for speech but you say parents drop their kids off at school? Whenever they suggest I just drop off I’m like, “yeah I’m just going to stay k thx.” Even if it’s for a kindermusik class or something. Put the onus on them to explain why you need to leave, and if they insist, ask why you cannot observe from behind a mirror or video. If they get all weird, speak to higher-ups. It’s your kid and “policy” can take a flying leap as far as I’m concerned. If they try to come back with HIPAA (if other kids are there) just ask to sign a waiver for that, as that is not an iron clad reason parents cannot attend., My daughter is highly verbal and excellent at asserting her boundaries and I still go with her to all of her appointments. I would insist on staying there, even if you're just out in the hall., An adult stays with my daughter. If I can’t stay, my mom or even sometimes our sitter will stay with her. On only one occasion did I leave here there, and it was a last resort, but about 10 months in of going weekly, so I was very comfortable with the therapist at that point. Hasn’t happened again in 6 months., My son has pull-out OT and SLP at school. So, I am never around when it happens, but there are always tons of teachers and kids going back and forth. It is a daycare/preschool, and so they move around more than older kids would. For the private therapies we do, both places have a policy that you have to wait. (Apparently, parents would use the time to go shopping, and not be back for the end of the session.) You can attend the sessions, but my son does better if I am not in the room. I can hear everything that happens, though., No no omg no. I won’t let my kid near anyone alone, pretty much ever. There is no reason and it’s too risky. I was touched by a para in 4th grade, and it haunts me still., I would stay with her, I do this for my son also no matter what the therapy is, as he is non-verbal and will always be vulnerable as his parent I am his protector., Thank you! Yes she’s only doing speech classes two days out of the week. It’s in a trailer outside but still I’m like okay. Definitely going to consider staying a few times. I see what you’re saying and the other staff mentioned that as well., Spot on, no one should get trusted just because they are in a position of trust. In my eyes that just means they're in the best position to abuse that trust., I am a male teacher and I think it is incredibly foolish to not be vigilant about this, no matter your intentions. It's just a fact that male teachers are regarded with more suspicion, and when you work with vulnerable children you have to take extra precautions. In the words of one of the profs in my education program, you can argue whether that's right or wrong all you want, but it is simply a fact., Yes! I was going to say, just use this as an excuse. "I'd love to stay so I can observe and practice with her at home.", My mum as a neurotypical and fully speaking 3 yr old was abused, not by a teacher but an uncle, soneone who was deeply trusted. You protect your daughter with the fierceness of a thousand bears and don't let anyone ever make you think you're crazy for it because you are far from crazy, you're a mum and a good one, What? That’s crazy to insist being alone with a 3 year old! There needs to at least be a one way mirror and film/audio in real time for you to observe in the next room. That’s what they do at the clinic my child goes to but they never insist that we just drop him off., Thank you for this!, I agree completely. This came after I sent a friendly and diplomatic email to the therapist. A second child was going to begin joining his session with a lot more needs than my son. That’s completely fine with me. I want him to learn to interact with people of all abilities. However, they spent the session practicing numbers 1-5. The entire hour. My son counts to 100 and can add. The therapist and I spoke about this at the last session 7 days prior that he’s ready for elementary math. I asked if there was anything I could do or a way I could participate so that he could have access to material that he could learn from. Her direct response to me was basically telling me not to challenge her professional judgement and to take it up with her supervisor if I have anymore questions. Then another email immediately following saying that there was a “new” policy in effect.

Daycare or preschool?

Would love advice on this. My son is turning 3 and was just reevaluated by early intervention for delays. We and his support team highly suspect he is autistic but he hasn’t been fully evaluated or diagnosed. After his 3 year eval, the school district team said he is eligible to go to a special education preschool one morning a week for now and then more in the fall. We think this is best because his delays are gross motor and social-emotional, which his current Montessori daycare does not support whatsoever, so we told daycare that he’ll be gone one day a week (we knew they wouldn’t accept one half day a week). However, they’re refusing to accommodate and said either he stays full time or we leave the center. In all of your experiences, do you think it would be better for a child to have a smaller amount of more targeted care or a larger amount of less targeted?

My son was in 4 daycares prior to starting at an ABA center, he turns 3 this summer. I personally prefer the targeted attention/care over the less attentive daycare setting, but my son is also very high maintenance. Without prompting he can't indicate he's thirsty or hungry or needs a diaper change and they didn't check on him often enough. He gets very overwhelmed in a standard daycare setting and wants comfort, and gets upset when he isn't comforted. If your child can manage well enough in a daycare setting the extra 4 days of childcare can be helpful for the parent's stress/work-life. If you don't need the extra childcare or time away from your child the single day of preschool might be more effective in terms of helping make progress. You then have extra time/days to pursue other therapies, Absolutely the preschool. My son did it and went bonkers with progress., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! My son has been managing fine at daycare, and even making progress, so I think it’s likely we’ll end up keeping him in and reevaluating in a few months. And working to get more specialized care in general for the future!, Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!! We definitely are not giving it up in the fall when he can go more., My son was in 4 daycares prior to starting at an ABA center, he turns 3 this summer. I personally prefer the targeted attention/care over the less attentive daycare setting, but my son is also very high maintenance. Without prompting he can't indicate he's thirsty or hungry or needs a diaper change and they didn't check on him often enough. He gets very overwhelmed in a standard daycare setting and wants comfort, and gets upset when he isn't comforted. If your child can manage well enough in a daycare setting the extra 4 days of childcare can be helpful for the parent's stress/work-life. If you don't need the extra childcare or time away from your child the single day of preschool might be more effective in terms of helping make progress. You then have extra time/days to pursue other therapies, Absolutely the preschool. My son did it and went bonkers with progress., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! My son has been managing fine at daycare, and even making progress, so I think it’s likely we’ll end up keeping him in and reevaluating in a few months. And working to get more specialized care in general for the future!, Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!! We definitely are not giving it up in the fall when he can go more., My son was in 4 daycares prior to starting at an ABA center, he turns 3 this summer. I personally prefer the targeted attention/care over the less attentive daycare setting, but my son is also very high maintenance. Without prompting he can't indicate he's thirsty or hungry or needs a diaper change and they didn't check on him often enough. He gets very overwhelmed in a standard daycare setting and wants comfort, and gets upset when he isn't comforted. If your child can manage well enough in a daycare setting the extra 4 days of childcare can be helpful for the parent's stress/work-life. If you don't need the extra childcare or time away from your child the single day of preschool might be more effective in terms of helping make progress. You then have extra time/days to pursue other therapies, Absolutely the preschool. My son did it and went bonkers with progress., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! My son has been managing fine at daycare, and even making progress, so I think it’s likely we’ll end up keeping him in and reevaluating in a few months. And working to get more specialized care in general for the future!, Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!! We definitely are not giving it up in the fall when he can go more., My son was in 4 daycares prior to starting at an ABA center, he turns 3 this summer. I personally prefer the targeted attention/care over the less attentive daycare setting, but my son is also very high maintenance. Without prompting he can't indicate he's thirsty or hungry or needs a diaper change and they didn't check on him often enough. He gets very overwhelmed in a standard daycare setting and wants comfort, and gets upset when he isn't comforted. If your child can manage well enough in a daycare setting the extra 4 days of childcare can be helpful for the parent's stress/work-life. If you don't need the extra childcare or time away from your child the single day of preschool might be more effective in terms of helping make progress. You then have extra time/days to pursue other therapies, Absolutely the preschool. My son did it and went bonkers with progress., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! My son has been managing fine at daycare, and even making progress, so I think it’s likely we’ll end up keeping him in and reevaluating in a few months. And working to get more specialized care in general for the future!, Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!! We definitely are not giving it up in the fall when he can go more.

Dealing with family not understanding

How do you guys deal with your family not understanding/trying to understand your child’s autism? For context my son is 2.5 nonverbal level 3, has a lot of stims and only 3 safe foods. He used to have a very varied palette and today my mom was over and said “I don’t understand, he used to eat so many things” and I responded with “like you know, he has autism and he’s regressed to only have certain safe foods” and she said “I think you’re just using autism as a crutch”. She refuses to educate herself and instead makes comments like this and not understanding. I’ve mentioned getting her books on autism and she says that she won’t read them if I do. My Nonna is the same way, comparing my son to his cousins making comments like “So-and-so is 2 and doing an Easter egg hunt I don’t understand why *my son* wouldn’t” and also “He’s doing so much better, I know he won’t be an Einstein but I think he’ll talk!” as a way of trying to be positive? But it comes of so condescending almost. It’s beyond frustrating and I’m unsure how to go about it since they won’t educate themselves.

My parents didn't understand the struggle until I finally convinced them to babysit. After an evening of hell, they don't question us anymore., I minimize contact with my parents because of this (and other things.) It’s unfortunate but there is only so much I can do to bring someone to the table., I actually stopped expecting anyone who isn’t in the life to understand. I know they mean well and they try to do what they think is best and try to put myself in the shoes of what would I do or think if I was never in the position to understand the way I do., We don’t spend time with people who don’t understand our situation. It’s that simple. We don’t have the time or energy to deal with people who refuse to get it., Except Einstein was likely autistic and non-verbal until he was 3yo. So, he could potentially become the next Einstein., I don’t blame anyone who just doesn’t understand, because unless you walked in our shoes you wouldn’t. But just being straight up insulting is another story that I wouldn’t be ok with, Now I'm dealing with my autistic daughter (4F) and my "alzheimer" father (70M) he doesn't get it but was always respectful, now he's getting worse and has been harder for him to comprehend why she's so different from the other granddaughters, so I just have to be patient, Tell your mom she isn’t an “Einstein” to judge your beautiful son. SMH I’m over these narc parents / grandparents, Thats what happened with my inlaws, unfortunately it took permanent scarring from my absurdly strong toddler to show them that he's not just in need of a good telling off, you live you learn, you get bitten!, Agreed., 100%. We haven’t even told our families. They won’t understand and it’s not my job to teach them or explain, THIIIIIIIISSSS! I’ve cut so many people out of my life, some intentionally, others not even. I just can’t bother to waist one ounce of energy with anyone that won’t bring positivity into my life and my family’s life!, Exactly what I was thinking- what an example she chose there!, Oh, I thought your kid got scarred! Thank God it's the in-laws 😆, 😂, My parents didn't understand the struggle until I finally convinced them to babysit. After an evening of hell, they don't question us anymore., I minimize contact with my parents because of this (and other things.) It’s unfortunate but there is only so much I can do to bring someone to the table., I actually stopped expecting anyone who isn’t in the life to understand. I know they mean well and they try to do what they think is best and try to put myself in the shoes of what would I do or think if I was never in the position to understand the way I do., We don’t spend time with people who don’t understand our situation. It’s that simple. We don’t have the time or energy to deal with people who refuse to get it., Except Einstein was likely autistic and non-verbal until he was 3yo. So, he could potentially become the next Einstein., I don’t blame anyone who just doesn’t understand, because unless you walked in our shoes you wouldn’t. But just being straight up insulting is another story that I wouldn’t be ok with, Now I'm dealing with my autistic daughter (4F) and my "alzheimer" father (70M) he doesn't get it but was always respectful, now he's getting worse and has been harder for him to comprehend why she's so different from the other granddaughters, so I just have to be patient, Tell your mom she isn’t an “Einstein” to judge your beautiful son. SMH I’m over these narc parents / grandparents, Thats what happened with my inlaws, unfortunately it took permanent scarring from my absurdly strong toddler to show them that he's not just in need of a good telling off, you live you learn, you get bitten!, Agreed., 100%. We haven’t even told our families. They won’t understand and it’s not my job to teach them or explain, THIIIIIIIISSSS! I’ve cut so many people out of my life, some intentionally, others not even. I just can’t bother to waist one ounce of energy with anyone that won’t bring positivity into my life and my family’s life!, Exactly what I was thinking- what an example she chose there!, Oh, I thought your kid got scarred! Thank God it's the in-laws 😆, 😂, My parents didn't understand the struggle until I finally convinced them to babysit. After an evening of hell, they don't question us anymore., I minimize contact with my parents because of this (and other things.) It’s unfortunate but there is only so much I can do to bring someone to the table., I actually stopped expecting anyone who isn’t in the life to understand. I know they mean well and they try to do what they think is best and try to put myself in the shoes of what would I do or think if I was never in the position to understand the way I do., We don’t spend time with people who don’t understand our situation. It’s that simple. We don’t have the time or energy to deal with people who refuse to get it., Except Einstein was likely autistic and non-verbal until he was 3yo. So, he could potentially become the next Einstein., I don’t blame anyone who just doesn’t understand, because unless you walked in our shoes you wouldn’t. But just being straight up insulting is another story that I wouldn’t be ok with, Now I'm dealing with my autistic daughter (4F) and my "alzheimer" father (70M) he doesn't get it but was always respectful, now he's getting worse and has been harder for him to comprehend why she's so different from the other granddaughters, so I just have to be patient, Tell your mom she isn’t an “Einstein” to judge your beautiful son. SMH I’m over these narc parents / grandparents, Thats what happened with my inlaws, unfortunately it took permanent scarring from my absurdly strong toddler to show them that he's not just in need of a good telling off, you live you learn, you get bitten!, Agreed., 100%. We haven’t even told our families. They won’t understand and it’s not my job to teach them or explain, THIIIIIIIISSSS! I’ve cut so many people out of my life, some intentionally, others not even. I just can’t bother to waist one ounce of energy with anyone that won’t bring positivity into my life and my family’s life!, Exactly what I was thinking- what an example she chose there!, Oh, I thought your kid got scarred! Thank God it's the in-laws 😆, 😂, My parents didn't understand the struggle until I finally convinced them to babysit. After an evening of hell, they don't question us anymore., I minimize contact with my parents because of this (and other things.) It’s unfortunate but there is only so much I can do to bring someone to the table., I actually stopped expecting anyone who isn’t in the life to understand. I know they mean well and they try to do what they think is best and try to put myself in the shoes of what would I do or think if I was never in the position to understand the way I do., We don’t spend time with people who don’t understand our situation. It’s that simple. We don’t have the time or energy to deal with people who refuse to get it., Except Einstein was likely autistic and non-verbal until he was 3yo. So, he could potentially become the next Einstein., I don’t blame anyone who just doesn’t understand, because unless you walked in our shoes you wouldn’t. But just being straight up insulting is another story that I wouldn’t be ok with, Now I'm dealing with my autistic daughter (4F) and my "alzheimer" father (70M) he doesn't get it but was always respectful, now he's getting worse and has been harder for him to comprehend why she's so different from the other granddaughters, so I just have to be patient, Tell your mom she isn’t an “Einstein” to judge your beautiful son. SMH I’m over these narc parents / grandparents, Thats what happened with my inlaws, unfortunately it took permanent scarring from my absurdly strong toddler to show them that he's not just in need of a good telling off, you live you learn, you get bitten!, Agreed., 100%. We haven’t even told our families. They won’t understand and it’s not my job to teach them or explain, THIIIIIIIISSSS! I’ve cut so many people out of my life, some intentionally, others not even. I just can’t bother to waist one ounce of energy with anyone that won’t bring positivity into my life and my family’s life!, Exactly what I was thinking- what an example she chose there!, Oh, I thought your kid got scarred! Thank God it's the in-laws 😆, 😂

Dealing with hyper kid, what can I do?

The story so far: My kid is almost 3 years and has a preliminary diagnosis of mild autism (level 1). He is very smart, very outgoing, and usually in a good mood. Communicate quite well, has a lot of vocabulary and is already managing short phrases. Understand concepts and ideas very quickly. Very able to solve problems on his own. He usually understands and follows orders and instructions. Already going to a special kindergarten and regardless some adjustment issues, he is doing OK. Also taking therapeutic classes with specialists and also doing quite well. Still keeps a lingering babytalk and shows little interest on other kids, but he is slowly improving. He had a serious meltdown period some months ago with several biting episodes (ouch!!!), but meltdowns are now way less frequent, less intense and less aggressive. So… all things considered I should feel kinda relieved, right? Well, problem is my kid sometimes can be very hyper and chaotic, particularly when we are in public places and he is getting a lot of sensorial stimulus. That is just driving me nuts because he is very headstrong and wanna get his way; thus going out is becoming more and more difficult and stressful. It is not that he doesn’t understand orders or warnings, it is just that he doesn’t care and doesn’t obey. I know those are usual traits for autistic kids, but am afraid in his case her mother and me have probably compounded the problem by spoiling him He wants ice cream? Well, he just won’t wait after lunch. He wants it here and now. He wants to go to somewhere? Well, he won’t admit delays or compromises. He is in a birthday party and he wants to try the cake? Well, he won’t care it is not his cake. He is bored of sitting in his safety seat? Well, he won’t wait until we reach our destination. It is his way or all hell breaks loose (no exactly a meltdown, just a very serious and embarrassing tantrum). Last time he was getting too close for my comfort to some construction machinery. I told him one, two, three times to stay away to no avail. At the end I had to carry him away kicking and screaming. I am so tired of struggling with my kid because he just won’t obey. I know it is not his fault, it is just the way autism works; but I am afraid if I don’t correct him now, later it will be impossible to control him once he gets older and bigger. I am afraid he will have very serious adjustment issues in the future. I usually try the persuasive method: I explain him as calmly and clearly as possible why he can’t do this or why he must do that. Sometimes it works quite well, but other times he just doesn’t listen. As I see things, once he gets older I will have four alternatives left when persuasion-explanation doesn’t work: 1. Avoiding going out with him to places where chances are we will get into troubles. So we stop going to the park, birthday parties, dining-out, etc. … screw it, I am not gonna make my child a recluse. 2. To just let him get his way and do whatever he wants. 3 ice creams? Sure. Stand up on the table at the restaurant, yeah, why not?. Taking all his clothes off in the middle of the street because it is hot?, yeah, go ahead. Whatever he wants …. screw it too, I am not going to rise my kid like a savage with no rules or limits. 3. Getting him some medication. But I don’t wanna go this route unless absolutely necessary. Maybe I am being silly, but I am deadly scared of my kid getting addicted or dependent to some medication. 4. Enough of gentle parenting. To put some fear of God (and daddy dearest) in him by kicking his butt raw when a friendly explanation won’t work. I don’t want to, but if I must go this route, so be it. Please save me any PC bleeding attitude. My mother used to kick my butt to the moon and back when I misbehaved and sure that made wonders for my education and cooperative attitude What else can I do? Any other option I can explore? Any advice or suggestion is welcome.

Purposely taking him places that are overstimulating then getting bothered when he has a meltdown kind of feels like entrapment. Like taking a friend that's a newly recovering alcoholic on a pub crawl with you. Also there's nothing wrong with medication, but if he's defiant, good luck getting him to take it. Also also, you seem to feel like your mom kicking your ass was helpful for your behavior as a child, but are you autistic or otherwise neurodivergent like your son?, Let me give you a life hint. The “persuasive method” meaning explaining calmly and clearly is not particularly effective on nearly anyone, much less a 3-year old. This is the life hint: people are persuaded emotionally. This is the kid hint: three year olds are even less likely to be persuaded by calmly explained logic. Try persuading by emotion more often, more like “I love you and I want you to come give me a hug”. Try distracting attention to something else. You can put out the logic at the same time, but don’t expect your logic to carry much weight compared to the joy or curiosity your kid is feeling with whatever he is doing at the time. These are more powerful feelings than the feelings produced by thinking through your logic., Your child is two years old. All of the issues you mention can get worse from autism, especially sensory issues, but they're also common for toddlers in general- being hyperactive, running off, not listening, lacking impulse control, etc. What sensory issues does be have, and what are you doing to help him? Ear defenders, sunglasses, soft materials, etc? How many warnings do you give for transitions? Do you have a visual timer/schedule to help him with them? Whats your reaction when he doesn't listen? Taking him away is a good reaction - try explaining that you can't stay because (he ran away, didn't listen, took something that wasn't his) immediately- at that age, children don't understand delayed consequences. Your child is at an age where he's supposed to test boundaries, try and see what happens if he doesn't listen, etc. I know it's exhausting, but it's a good thing - he feels safe enough with you to do this. Try and stay calm, don't react strongly because big reactions can further fuel bad behavior (they're interesting to toddlers), and react the same every time. If he doesn't behave, you leave, stuff like that takes time to practice and no toddler is perfect at it yet. You might also want to look into occupational therapy, they can help you find ways to accommodate his sensory issues and prepare him for routine changes, as well as help him handle his emotions., Hey! I’d very much hope that you wouldn’t do numbers 1, 2, or 4, but especially #4! With that being said it seems as though he needs sensory regulation. Have you looked into getting him services with a pediatric OT? They may be able to help him by providing him and your family tools to assist him to self regulate. Wishing you the best of luck!, This was my child at newly 3 and I want to make sure you know it should be the terrible 3’s and not the terrible 2’s. Three year old are defiant and often tantrum even when they are typically developing. At three my child did a lot of tantruming and barely listened in public. I eventually did a ton of time outs, even in public. We did aquarium time outs, park time outs, etc. I found other parents really supportive even when my child was screaming. A lot of people have raised 3 yr olds. It’s hard. My child now is just fine in public places and probably just about a year delayed in self control/emotional regulation. We have a diagnosis of adhd and we do medicate for it now but really only for school. The meds are definitely necessary to attend general education public school for us., What we are doing now is avoiding taking him to crowded places. Thankfully I have a very flexible job schedule and I can cope so far. That means going to the park very late at night or going to the beach Monday morning. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to avoid crowded places. Her mother and me discussed seriously to cancel his upcoming birthday party because we feel it would be too stressful for our child and us, and "normal" invitees would feel uncomfortable. Anyway, we decided that a regular party was simply more than we can manage right now. It was a heartbreaking moment. Gladly we have an alternative: we are doing his birthday party at the special kinder our kid is. There are just 8 kids in his class and they are already used to each other, thus things should be OK., Thank you for your advice. Regarding sensory issues my kid actually has no problem whatsoever so far with strong noises. He doesn't care for loud music, fire alarms, whatever. However, he is extremely aware of his surroundings, and when he is at a place with a lot of people and activities going around he can get very excited; for example, at a birthday party. The hardest thing for me is to be able to say when his disruptive behavior is due to autism or when it is due to being just your regular spoiled toddler. Of course, it is ridiculous to pretend to clearly separate his behavior between "autism" and "normal", there are no clear lines or boundaries, but that is the part that drives me crazy, because frequently I am at a loss of how to react. It worries me that later in life he will have serious issues to study and work if he is not able to get some self-control going on. I know it is still too early for drama, but I worry all the same. Maybe I am asking too much from him and me; maybe I should just take it easy. He is currently having occupational therapy and conductive therapy, and already showing some improvements. Hopefully he will learn to cope better with self-control, but there is still a long way to go., Thanks for the tip! I will look into it, Thank you for your response. I am already bracing myself for his terrible 3 and trying my best to accept that it is the way parenting goes, because, autism or not, kids are just that way: impulsive, defiant. Hope I will be able to cope better.

Dealing with the social isolation that raising a kid on the spectrum brings.How do you cope?

The thing that no one prepares you with dealing with raising an autistic child is the soul crushing social isolation. It like me and my wife have been marked with a scarlet letter and have been kindly asked by society in general to just disappear. Friends don’t call, you are asked to leave establishments , never invited to social gatherings and worse what is worse is the open judgement by family members. Thank God my family is warm and accepting of my son, but every time we see my wife’s family it obliterates our spirit. Any help or experiences that could help me.My kid is 8 nonverbal but highly functioning. Thanks

My son about to be 10, level 3 nonverbal. Welcome to the modern day disappointment room. Wish I had an answer for you, haven't found one yet., My daughter is only 3 but my solution was to cultivate a social life without my family being involved. For what it’s worth my childfree friends are way more understanding and concerned for my kids well being than other parents. At this stage I’d rather eat glass than make mom friends. And I don’t want autism parent friends either outside of this space. I spend enough time in this world; no desire for more. If you can find some time to connect with a friend over lunch etc it makes a difference. It’s super lonely, no doubt., I have made friends with a couple of other autism parents. One watches the kids for a couple of hours with planned activities for the kids, so the other two can hang out. We set up a rotating schedule so we all get to see each other one on one, plus we have time at drop off and pick up to connect as a threesome. Only rule we have is no kid talk during the two hours. Before and after we can vent as needed, but not on our free time. It is time to focus on us., Leaning on supportive family and finding activities that we can invite friends to. I’ve sort of slowly been accepting that things for us will just be different. We can’t just hire a babysitter so we go out individually, which is not the same and we have to openly discuss our feelings cause it is hard. We just try to find our own adventures. Easy hikes, empty parks and lots of take out. Things do change with different therapies, school and age so it’s just a matter of continuing trial and error to getting out. Keeping your mental health in a good place so that you can advocate for them., Video game communities and discords. You don't even have to play all that much, Just once in awhile, and join their community discord. Then you can leave it on in the back ground and have adult conversation you can join in periodically. It isn't the best but it is far better then nothing. Women are generally well accepted in communities like FF14 and a few others and are easily able to find guilds that do not harass., I have (I say "I" because my husband is just not a social person) tried to foster connections with other individuals instead of couples simply because one of us is always needed for childcare. Recently I have been attending a ladies board game night at a local game shop. It has been nice. So I guess my suggestion would be to not be afraid of each of you finding a niche on your own., Meds, therapy, and a premixed long island iced tea ready to go., My child befriended another autistic kid in her class, and his mom and I hit it off. She has been a beautiful light in the darkness of isolation. We are learning to build a new community with people who are better educated in the things that impact our lives. I still have a lot of isolation, but I am learning to find spaces that welcome my kids and who don’t think twice about the struggles we have. There is not much sweeter in the world than seeing my kids go to another adult for help grounding, and that adult knowing how to help., Autism support groups are full of people like us who understand what it's like better than anyone else. I'd suggest starting there., I had to change my mindset. Honestly, going through Covid kind of helped in a way? It felt easier and was more socially acceptable to be a homebody after 2020. I had to rewire my brain and just learn that I enjoyed my own company, I am an interesting and complete person on my own. That old Vine that has the girl saying, "I don't need friends; they disappoint me." is supposed to be funny but honestly I made that my mantra. The normies can't function on my level., What I work in therapy, besides accepting my child, is owning the place of the misfits. Yes, we are inadequate, we don’t fit in most places and you know what? Deal with it! We didn’t chose this, this happened to us. Let’s meet halfway. We’ll do our best to fit and the people who are annoyed by us should do their best to be civilized and deal with the fact that there is a diversity of people in the world. and if they don’t agree; then expose them as the bigots they are., I feel your pain, MIL said we don't discipline our children enough. We had friends until we had kids now no one wants to hang out. Reached out to all 50 some contacts in my phone that live within 20 minutes drive basically begging for help. Only 2 replied and only one of the two is blood related. The only restaurant we go to is red Robin and the only time we go out is one of the autism support group functions. The isolation hurts. I told my therapist I have situational clinical depression, when my situation improves my depression will get better. Stay at home dad of 2 boys 3.5 and 5, I have met up with a couple other parents of autistic kids around my son’s age who are also autistic themselves. We chat online and sometimes get together with our kids for a play date and socializing., We have two sons. My youngest has autism. When he was around 4 or 5 a series of close friends with kids started acting like autism was contagious. It was really tough to stop getting invited to parties. This was really tough for my older son. Unfortunately you just need to move on. Find support groups, find other parents with autistic kids that you can talk to, and/or talk to a therapist. My parents wanted to help, but didn't know how and made things worse. We would have to get a hotel when we visited just to have some distance from them., Disneyland has a great DAS pass for autistic people. I think that it is different than their other disability passes. We recently took my son (who is not autistic) there for his 18th Birthday along with my 20 year old nonverbal autistic son and had the best time! We've been going to Disneyland for years for all of our family vacations. Their autism/disabled passes have changed through the years, but they have always been very accommodating to us. And my non autistic son has some great family vacation memories. We all do., I started a playgroup and that’s been really nice to connect with other parents who get it, once a month. But I ended up finding a friend who I have a crazy amount in common with, who also has a high support needs child. We don’t spend a ton of time talking about our kids, compared with everything else, but it is really nice to have a “mom friend” despite what I thought., This is such a fear of mine and makes me sad to think about. My daughter is almost 6 and she still “blends in” amongst her peers but I have noticed as I get her into more activities I can see the separation. It hurts my heart. I’m sorry this is the reality we live in., Most days are way easier to manage than others but some days just hit me like a ton of bricks thinking about how much of an outsider I feel like me and my son are to society. I make the best of what we have bc we are blessed to have accepting and supportive family and friends…but being a single parent and not having his dad in the picture at ALL definitely adds to the isolation and weight on my shoulders. My autism parent friends who do know the struggles we go through as parents have their partners to lean on and my single mom friends that don’t have the other parent to lean on have no idea about the autism struggle. I do my best to live life as natural as possible and not focus on my shortcomings or differences and for lack of better words I try to be oblivious to my sons autism so I don’t unintentionally encourage any infantilizing behaviors for either of us; but he needs so much support and between parenting, work, therapy implementations and my own higher education I feel myself burning tf out. Wish I had advice or an “it gets easier” story for you but I don’t…not yet at least…just an “I know what you mean”. I dance or sing with my son to his fav Disney songs when I feel myself getting overwhelmed or isolated…he doesn’t quite know how to dance with me yet but it immediately gets him/us in such high spirits. Hang in there…hold on to your wife and celebrate yourself/her/eachother/your child&family together for no reason whatsoever., Yep. The school parent friends just don’t stay around. I’ve found great relationships with parents of other disabled kids, and I’ve collected a nice tribe over the past 9 years., Get him out anyways! Who care what people think in public. You said he's high functioning so it isn't even that big of a thing. Your friends are not good friends if they don't like you because your kid is only a little bit different. That doesn't make sense. You might be the one causing the isolation yourself because you care to much what people think., Same age daughter and non verbal. Goes to mainstream so never been invited to any birthday party ever. We are lucky to have a nice small group of friends who are kind with her despite her throwing literally everything in sight out of their windows whenever we visit any of them. I invite them over a-lot for dinners etc so my kids can socialise with their kids and they do too. We also had to kick out many others who would judge or wouldn’t accept her .. Immigrants so no support from families is possible. My family supports whenever i visit them but In-laws don’t talk to me or her so we don’t see them much because who needs that negativity!! I tried befriending parents like us but didn’t work out for me although i feel it’s a good option and have seen really supportive groups. But we make sure we get our respective breaks. Husband plays cricket on weekends and i go out with friends every week., I’m pretty introverted so I don’t particularly enjoy going out with people. But what we do is do tons of stuff as a family, we go on hikes, public swimming pools, theme parks, and sometimes it pushes my daughter and does get stressful but she’s gotten better at going out and mostly enjoys it now . We do things geared towards her interests (luckily my son is down for everything lol), Do you really expect any different? I'm always confused when I see parents that somehow get offended at the way people treat you and your kids when you and your kids are different. When we go to things we keep are distance. We blend in very well but I know that at the drop of hat it can go sideways and I don't blame others for that., I wish I could say. We kind of went through the same thing that you did with your inlaws and I'm not really close with my family. I was the caregiver and pretty much a shut it years before it was mandated. If anything, the lockdown put us all on a level playing field and it was nice not having to deal with waiting rooms and running around to appointments but the isolation just drove everyone else nuts., I’m so sorry this is happening with you and if that was my kids and my wife’s/husband’s family could not accept that they are on the spectrum,well bye bye. You have to be their advocate as a parent. Imagine if they were a teen and they family still didn’t treat them they way they deserve., Reddit and Lego. It’s odd but way easier to talk about my interests on here, though it’s usually one off comments rather than actually developing a rapport with specific people. Lego was meant to be something me and the kid to do together and something for imaginative play, but he generally shows no interest besides pulling pieces off things and shoving them into buildings. Very occasionally will play with cars like cars and robots like robots, but I have to fix a lot when he plays with them. In the process, I got rehooked. My family mostly lives a few hours away so we visit every few weekend, but they’re not really around. Wife’s family is closer but not close and stop by as infrequently most the time, not that I wan them around all the time but some volunteer babysitters would be nice from time to time. My wife is theoretically in a “book club”(she says the books they pick suck, and most just go to socialize) with friends but hasn’t been able to make it the last couple times since they restarted. I go hang out with a friend of mine since junior high once in a while. Very occasionally the wife and I will get her sister to babysit and go to a comedy show, helps to have a good laugh., When my child was seven I threw a big party and invited the whole two classes ( 40 kids) I was nervous as I’d read horror stories about no one turning up to autistic kids parties. Everyone at the school knew my kid, she had displayed some pretty out there behaviours. I went ahead anyway . Well pretty much everyone turned up , it was a smashing success . After that we got invited to parties. My faith in humanity was restored. I think my child’s school might be a bit wonderful and this might not be the norm for others. At kindergarten it was a different story though and she didn’t get one party invite ( yes I sobbed ) . I hope you get your social breakthrough soon . Maybe you could start your own social group in your community?, Well it was easy at first until my ex took him to the literal other corner of the country, but my relationship with my ex was abusive. I sort of developed Stockholm syndrome where she would hit me while driving on the freeway, embarrassed me in front of family, and turned everything I confided to her into a weapon against me. Awkward tangent but just so someone here that can relate feels understood lol I finally let her go, she put child support on my autistic kiddo after she moved to my city for 6 months for jurisdiction and then she moved back very far away. I became an official father to my kid while she was here and it was an easy transition in the social isolation aspect because I had already isolated myself from my abusive relationship. My advice is to knead your situation with your close friends slowly. They'll eventually mold their friendship with you to the situation, but both parties have to be involved. One more thing, parenthood is hard as it is, but special needs parenthood is twice as hard but not impossible. Be strong! If you're struggling with social isolation you already have a leg up on me!, I understand the immense challenge of feeling socially isolated while raising your autistic son, especially with the added pain of judgment and exclusion from friends and family. It's unfair and incredibly tough to bear. But please know that there are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult journey. Firstly, connecting with other families who understand your situation through online communities or support groups can provide much-needed understanding and friendship. Additionally, consider seeking help from [**autism support workers**](https://theadventureteam.com.au/) who are trained to offer practical and emotional assistance, allowing you to carve out time for yourselves and reconnect with social activities you enjoy. Remember, you're not alone, and there are people and organizations ready to support you through this challenging time., I also had to create my own support network and space without family involvement. My sister-in-law in particular likes to put down my kids to make her child look better due to her own anxious feelings about raising children, and she's very uneducated about child development and education, etc. It's a hot mess. I have found we can get together with a couple of my husband's younger cousins and their children (babies at this point) and it's gone okay so far. I also have the support of a local care/developmental therapy farm and a mom that goes there - I can only take that in small doses though, she's one of those "Autism Mom" stereotypes and can't really turn it off. If you find autistic adults and their children, I find that (oddly enough) to be the sweet spot socially. They're open-minded and accepting enough because they've been that kid before., Because child free people don’t know what’s normal behavior for a 3 year old., This sounds amazing, Im not trying to start any argument, but just feel like this post and the many replies need a little devils advocate. Hanging out with other couples, other families, even our own families, mostly sucks for everyone lol. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve never felt too bad about this stuff because it seems like most parents of NTs really don’t relish get-togethers either. I have a lot of friends, and maybe it’s just a guy thing, but we barely know each others kids names lol. Guess I’ve always been a proponent of enjoying people in the way that has always worked. Wife and I don’t usually do double date type stuff either for the same reason. I agree with the family stuff being soul crushing though, that is when I’m the most defeated feeling. My side of family is full of self righteous types and there is 10 grandkids and 9 of them NT. Watching my son struggle even with his family is rough. Last Thing I’ll say tho is we recently have started to hangout with a ND family semi regularly and that seems to be so much better than trying with NTs., I’m sorry to read this. As a mom of an autistic child I just want to tell you it gets better with age (they get better with age) when they are older, and you can do more things without them it gets slightly better., We don’t really talk about autism when we hang out, it’s just the opportunity for our experiences to be “normal” while our kids play and we hang out. So it’s not like talking to “autism parents” when we get together, it’s just socializing., This is the thing that surprised me the most about parenting a level two autistic child. Other families really did act like the autism was contagious and stayed away from us like the plague even after we had been friends for years. It was totally bizarre and still is., Yes we’re allowed to expect different lol. It’s 2023. Not everyone is neurotypical, society needs to get used to it. This attitude is what keeps us separated and outcasted., “We blend in very well” Therein lies your privilege., How are you confused? People should be offended by being treated poorly simply because they are different. I guess you're just okay with that? Weird., I’m sorry this all happened to you. Your x wife sounds like a horrible human…, Eh. My friends are childfree, they don’t ignore their nieces/nephews or kids of their friends. I may be fortunate to just know an accepting group of people., My take on why men can just be together and barely know any of their personal stuff is because men, especially men that are overwhelmed with responsibilities have an innate fear of becoming a burden to their loved ones. We hesitate to talk about our personal problems with our close male friends because doing so is putting a burden on that person. The ironic thing is that males tend to hear problems as an invitation to solve the problem. It is the most loving act that a man can do for another but ironically the most dreaded situation for a man when other men are trying to help solve your problems. It is an embodiment of the divine masculine energy if you will., It's not separated and outcasted! It's the simple fact that a child that can't act appropriately around other children become a liability. Our family has the bandwidth to handle such issues because we have experience with meltdowns and sensory overload. I don't however get mad or lay blame on parents that don't., Ya I guess I’m just basing my experience off the handful of child free people I know. Maybe I think they don’t know better and they’re just being polite lol 😆, “Can’t act appropriately” aka can’t act neurotypical. Bit ableist if you ask me.

Deciding to have a 2nd child

I’m curious to hear others experiences about having a second child (whether ND or NT) when your first is on the spectrum. Might be worth noting that we are still waiting on an official diagnosis for my son. He is 2.5 and in general is pretty easy going. Goes to daycare full time and does well there, not many behavioral issues. Main concerns right now are language delay and sensory seeking/repetitive behaviors. However there has been a recent increase in tantrums which I believe is mostly due to his language delay (both receptive and expressive) but he started speech therapy and both are slowly improving. Really hoping that will help calm those down a bit (I also realize tantrums are a normal part of development for all toddlers). I know support levels can also change over time so that’s something I’m trying to consider as well. I know everyone’s experience is different and there’s no way to predict how your second child will end up. More so just curious about what helped lead you to your decision to have a second, and how it has affected your family dynamic and your first kid. Thanks in advance for any insight!

Technically speaking, I do not qualify to answer your question. My first is not autistic, but my second is. I am going to answer anyway. I think my current emotional coping state says wait until age 5, and see what demands school places on your kid, and how he responds. Yes, this is based on how not well my youngest is doing. Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed. Yes, we are getting some help. Yes, 2 isn't having fun either. We have to keep trying. It is hard. So my vote is wait to see if you can handle a baby of either NT or ND when your kid is 5.Maybe baby fever will convince you you can. Maybe it won't, because you may have as much work as you can handle., My first is autistic, but my second is not. About 2 years apart and I don’t regret having my second at all. He has been such a happy addition and has made every day better since his arrival., I think you should wait to see how things develop with your 2.5 year old. My oldest (now 5) is ASD, and my youngest (2.5) seems to be neurotypical, but she’s not “easy” because she copies everything my oldest does. I would probably not have had a second had i known how incredibly challenging and how many resources my first would end up requiring. Also, all the behaviors (like screaming, tantrums, and challenges with transitions) that my first does, my second does to copy her sister. I know eventually, my 2.5 year old will grow out of this phase, but as my 5 year old gets older, and the gap grows between what her peers are doing vs what she does, it’s more and more evident that my second daughters life will never be normal. This will be a good thing and bad thing for her and for both of them. But, overall it’s very challenging to be a parent and juggle the regular things, add in neurodivergence, and then add in another kid, and it’s definitely not an easy journey. All that being said though, i absolutely adore both of my kids., Keep in mind the shit doesn’t even really start to hit the fan until they start school, and each transition there after takes a ton of support., My first is and i will not be having another. I sometimes get burned out from tantrum’s, crazy sleep schedule and all the things that come with autism. I love being able focus on her and her only and not spread myself too thin., My first is ND and is 5 and my second is NT and is 3. I was pregnant with my 2nd before my first received his diagnosis. It was difficult, but I couldn’t imagine my family without my youngest. He’s the comic relief., I have four kids. 1 is AuDHD, 2 ADHD, 3 AuDHD & the 4th is 7 months old. I assume he'll be ND. Dad and I are both AuDHD. I wouldn't change any of my choices, and if I was young enough I'd have 4 more. Lol My second son is the only one that gave me pause on having more. He's a typical second child + terrible impulse control. I've spent more time in the er getting him stitched, stapled & glued back together than any of my others. I love my kids, and watching them grow up. Only you know what you can handle & want. ND kids have challenges, but NT kids aren't easy. Kids ask a lot from us. I wish you the best on your journey., My current opinion is wait until 5 as well. You just don’t know how much support they will need and how much support your next kid will need. Sometimes there may not be enough time, or enough resources to help them both. I have a newborn and my son is level 3. We are unable to support my oldest enough being torn between the two and needing to bring money in financially, My 6 year old is severely autistic and we’re still waiting to see if my second is. We debated for a couple of years if we could handle another child after the autism diagnosis. We eventually decided to go for it because we always wanted two and the regret of not trying was too heavy. Now we’re a family of 4, and while my oldest has major issues, we feel like our family is complete., My first is autistic. We started trying for a second when he was 12 months and he was diagnosed 6 months later. We were having trouble having a second and eventually went on to IVF. We did not ever consider not having a second after my son’s diagnosis. His baby sister was born when he was 3y5m and it’s been clear from birth that she’s not autistic. Immediately after birth all the hospital staff were remarking how social she is. She stated socially smiling and imitating at 3w old. It’s honestly a bit of whiplash after my son and it turns out I was entirely unprepared to raise a social butterfly., Son is 7yo and currently pregnant with my second. Different father so who knows. I also believe I am autistic myself so also who knows lol. My son has certainly had his difficulties but he's an amazing little gem of a human and I love him to bits, so I'm just gonna do the same with my new baby 😊, My 4 y.o. son was just diagnosed ASD and ODD but we've known since he was around a year old that we would not be able to handle another with all of his behaviors. So I had my tubes removed when he was 2 so it'd never become an issue., I have been pondering the exact same thing. I’m 36 years old, so I realize I don’t have a whole lot of time to make a decision about having a second child. My 3.5-yr-old is level 2 autistic and is thriving in full-time ABA. I would like a second child, but I also feel guilt when I think about having to spread my time and energy between 2 kids, knowing my son needs so much from me right now., I have two autistic sons who are now 6 and 9. It was complete hell until my oldest was 6. It's just now getting manageable, with my younger son's behavior improving.  I didn't know my oldest was autistic when I conceived my youngest - they're under 3 years apart. But then, if I had waited much longer, I wouldn't have had another child. Ymmv. , This question is difficult because a diagnosis at a young age, is a great big question mark over needs as they age. Both in connection to the ASD and comorbidities, as well as other issues that may arise in any child and be unknown at an early age. I was in a position of it being fairly apparent my child had autism from a baby. My decision was made purely from a basis of it was better to provide well and to the best of ability for one child with unknown potential challenges than badly to many. Regardless of potential pluses. At that point, we had weekly appointments, speech therapy and paediatrician involvement. Speech delay was extensive. Now, a fair few years later, I think I'm glad incan give my child my all, because I severely underestimated how exhausting having to fight and push for assessments, support and advocate for their needs it would be! Managing an autistic child per se, in isolation for me would be a walk in the park. Managing their needs as it becomes apparent they have overlapping comorbidities and in an education system that doesn't support these effectively, fighting for support. Making decisions regarding schooling, paying for extra support, all of that side that's what's the really hard work. So by the time you add in that sleep remains an issue a decade in. That the terrible 2s is still here. Yeah I made the best decision for us as I'd never have been able tonhave done justice to either child if I'd had a second. And the many parents I speak to, the additional child after the ND (or first ND child) appears to often be the time the final straw breaks for the family and relationship., My first is and althought I wanted a second, I will not. It saddens me and I believe another one could maybe help my son and I do worry about him having nobody in the future but...I work 12 hours shift, my husband is also autistic (high capacities, diagnosed after my son got his...which explained lots of things!) so is even more challenging. The energy, time and money I have to spend on my son and sometimes my husband is too much for me. Will always dream of having a little girl but...I just can't., Our sons sound very similar! And I have a 5 month old daughter. While I don’t know yet if she is also on the spectrum, our developmental pediatrician referred us to a local study for siblings at high risk of developing autism. Every other week they do a full assessment on my daughter. So far she hasn’t shown any characteristics of autism (my gut says that she isn’t - I am starting to notice differences between hers and my son’s development). But it gives me immense peace of mind to know that she couldn’t be followed more closely and my brain doesn’t have to work overtime trying to spot any signs., Honestly I did not think about the risk of both children having autism. My daughter was 1 when I got pregnant again, and although I could tell from day one, we did not have a diagnosis. I was just happy to be pregnant! Two kids who have each other forever. Just happy thoughts. My son is NT and they are bonding well. They’re two years apart, exactly., My son is an almost 4 years older than my daughter. He he is ND. I was suspicious of ASD but he hadn’t been diagnosed yet. Only adhd and speech delays were diagnosed when I found out I was pregnant again. My daughter is NT., My first is autistic and has SPD, anxiety, and is +/- ADHD. He’s 4. We didn’t know he was ND when we conceived our second, who is almost 3 (they’re roughly 18 months apart). Thus far she appears NT but of course who knows. We always wanted 2 kids close in age (my husband and I are a bit older than average for parents of infants/toddlers). I won’t lie, it is difficult with 2 toddlers, one of whom has pretty significant support needs in the emotional and sensory regulation realms. But, toddlers are tough even if they’re the most textbook typical kid… so I’m not sure exactly how much more difficult it has been for us compared to a family with only NT kids. I will say, it’s actually been really interesting to watch my youngest learn coping skills like using the regulation tools we provide for our oldest when she feels “bonkers” as we call it. I feel like her being exposed to an autistic kiddo with atypical needs will actually serve her well as she’s learning that people have different types of needs and to not be judgmental of meltdowns and such., My cousin has level 2 autism, but her younger sister doesn't. I heard that the younger one is working as a some kind of chemical engineer, so she smart., I’m actually expecting now! My son was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months. He is now 2. He struggles either speech delay and sensory seeking (pacing and flapping nothing crazy.) We waited on it and decided that we would be totally fine having another just like him. We also crunched numbers and determined that financially we could live on one income - the stress of all of my sons therapy makes it really hard for me to work full time and just won’t be possible with 2 kids - even if the second one is NT. Something to think about!, My twins just turned 3 and started developmental preschool, so we’re waiting to see how things go with that before we decide for sure. Told my fiancé we only have a couple years tho because I don’t wanna have the potential third past 40, personally lol, Oldest is 9 and ASD. He was non verbal up until school. By end first year of school he'd come a long way. Doesn't shut up now. Little girl is 4 years younger than him. Also asd. She is excelling at school, in senior kinder which is 2nd year full time in Canada. I was terrified of having a second. Didn't think there was enough of me to go for a second. Couldn't imagine life without her now. Our family wouldn't be complete. She and her big bro are best friends. Fight and argue like siblings but she adores him and he gets someone to narrate his life too and share his interests. Long term, I am very happy they have each other. Wasn't easy. Wouldn't change it for anything., I have 2. My oldest is ND and second is NT. Honestly, I love it so much. The younger one is 2 years younger and I couldn't imagine not having both of them. The NT one just turned 3 and I noticed that as he is talking more, so is my ND kid. It also helps that they are both learning to share and take turns . I also get to see my ND child show sympathy and see how she is so protective of her little brother. I am also really excited, because this year I am signing up both of them for pee wee sports, just to see if they are interested before having to buy all the supplies. I am hoping that having my oldest see that her brother is there, will make her feel more at ease at trying something new., Your situation sounds similar to mine! My first born, my son, was diagnosed with a speech delay (expressive and receptive) right after he turned 2, a fine motor delay at age 2 yrs 10 months, and with ASD at age 3.5. He's pretty chill, happy, and silly. But lots of sensory seeking (he's hyposensitive), repetitive, no imaginary play, not much interest in toys unless they're trucks or cars, etc. We're like 99% certain my husband is autistic and our son is SO much like him so really none of it is shocking. I wanted a 2nd child and ultimately knew that if my 2nd turned out like my son, I'd love them so much just like my son so we went for it! My daughter was born when my son was 2 yrs 4 months. He handled it like a champ, mostly in that we did very little to change his routine so he mostly ignored her when she was a baby. My son is about to turn 4 and my daughter is 20 months and now they play together and learn from each other and it's just amazing. So far, no reason to suspect she has ASD and in fact she is actually advanced in language and other milestones. But let me tell you, she is all me and in many ways, that makes her more difficult than my son :P Her personality is more stubborn, more impatient. Love them both to pieces but my favorite thing is that my kids are so good for each other. I love to watch them run around, play with flashlights, make faces and sounds, etc., My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., i’m not a parent but i am an adult child my mom waited 12 years after having my sister (lvl 1 asd) to have me. different dad too my mom has a lot of autistic relatives, so unsurprisingly i also ended up autistic (lvl2). the chances of having another child with autism really boil down to genetics. if either you or your partner are on the spectrum or have a lot of traits of it then the chance of your second child being autistic do increase. but if neither of you are autistic then there’s a good chance your second child will not end up with autism honestly having children is a gamble and i say if you aren’t okay with the fact that your second child might be disabled, it is probably a good idea to be one and done, My kids are 4 years apart, my son was recently diagnosed audhd at age 5. I love their age gap and I’m glad we waited until he was an older toddler before having another. But I will say, I did not expect how crazy it was going to get when he started kindergarten. Many early pick ups, meetings and appointments for IEPs, etc. then starting speech and other therapies after school. It has definitely made it harder to care for my 2nd and keep her on a schedule. At times I feel bad for her not getting as much of my time and attention her older sibling has had, but I also believe this is just the season of life we’re in and as they get older. It will get easier. Overall, it’s been so special seeing how he interacts with her and they’re best friends. I would consider what your child’s needs may look like in the future and if you have a good support system. We live alone overseas and I think if we had family or close friends nearby, that would dramatically improve our situation, I have a 5 yr old daughter (level 3) and a 16 month old baby boy. We made the decision to have a second child after knowing our daughter's diagnosis, with a LOT of thought and consideration. Immediately after her diagnosis at 2 yrs old, I thought, "I will never have another kid," but here I am now, with another one and so very happy we chose to have him. We are braced for him to be diagnosed if/when that day comes, and that was the biggest part of our decision. We also felt it would be great for our daughter to have a sibling. My recommendation: Try either scenario on! For an extended period of time, mentally wrap your head around life with one child, and see how you feel. Then, try on the idea of having another kiddo -- think about what life would be like if they too are neurodiverse, and if you'd be okay with that! It took us two years to land on a decision that we wanted to have another baby. When I "tried on" the one kid scenario, I just felt like our family wasn't completed, if that makes sense? We did a lot of preparing, mentally and otherwise, after our decision. We transitioned our household and cut back our spending habits so that my husband could become a stay-at-home parent. I'm fully convinced we couldn't balance our life without a parent at home, but everyone is different! Our ND daughter seems like she needs a bit more support from your child, based on what you've shared. I also want to say this, in full honesty: I did have some SUPER sleep deprived moments on my maternity leave where newborn baby demands + autistic child demands made me doubt my decision to have a second child. But then my mom and husband let me sleep, and that doubt totally lifted. I do not regret our decision at all, even though it's a lot, we have so many happy days! Either way you choose, your family is in a great spot because you're very clearly a thoughtful person. 💛, My son (firstborn) is ASD level 3. My daughter is only 14 months younger, is NT and excels at school and speaking. We found that our son started to regress when she was born super common according to his ST. Our daughter began speaking very early as she picked up on everything we were working on with her older brother. I did the exact same things while pregnant, hydrated, same vitamins, environment… everything. Your situation sounds very similar to our son. He’s very calm, flexible in routines and social, other than speech delay and now some sensory seeking behaviors. Early intervention is everything. So good job seeking help early as possible!, My first is a 4 yr old autistic girl level 2 but highly verbal. Her 2 year old brother is definitely not NT lol but he’s not autistic. I have a 9 month old baby and I already know she’s not on the spectrum., My daughter (6.5y) was "in progress" before I knew my son (8y) was autistic. Honestly, I would have thought more about having a second child if I had known. My son's demanding behavior and inability to tolerate changes and activities makes things very difficult on my daughter. My daughter's wants and needs always come last because she can cope with not getting what she wants. My son can not- at least not well. A few examples of what I'm talking about: We can't stop and get ice cream after school, because my son will expect ice cream every day after school from that point on. And if he doesn't get it, he might scream for two hours a day (after school) for two weeks. We can't do holiday things, like trick-or-treating, without an escape plan. My son enjoys many of those things, but when he's done- he's done. We have to leave immediately or he loses it. So we might get 15 minutes into an activity that my daughter loves, then have to pack up and go. We can't play music and dance, because it irritates my son. My daughter often has to play quietly, and alone, when my son starts to get overstimulated. My son is sensory seeking and gets into everything, so a lot of things are locked up at our house. My daughter can never pull out crayons and color. They have to be taken from a locked room, supervised closely, then put back out of reach. It's not all bad. My kids do play together a lot, and my daughter definitely loves her brother ...but I forget how young *she* is sometimes, because she has to shoulder so much responsibility for *him*. Of course, my husband and I make an effort to take her places on her own ...but I feel like her social development has suffered because she's not exposed to the same amount of activity other kids her age are exposed to. I will also say, that when I have one child with me, it is PEACEFUL. It doesn't matter which child. Maybe it's like that with all siblings, I'm not sure. These are the only two kids I've had. My son was super easy going as a toddler and went everywhere with me. He played with other kids, loved fireworks, loud music, crowds, etc. The only problems, were that he didn't make sense when he talked and he was a bad sleeper. As he's gotten older, he's become more stereotypical and is more sensitive to these things., Wait until your first is older than 4. 3-4 is brutal for ASD kids. We have diagnosed older boy and undiagnosed girl who is also showing signs of dyslexia. 2 years apart and they play great together at 4/6. I do feel that a lot of younger's problems slipped under the radar early on, because her brother was so much worse by comparison., My first was diagnosed when I had his brother. He was really difficult until abount 5 when his language picked up. My second has more needs and severe language disability. You dont know where on the spectrum kids end up., My first was diagnosed at 2.5 years old. He was low service needs for the most part up until this year, first grade (he’s almost seven). We had our second kid around the time older was diagnosed. Our second is four now and is gonna be evaluated tomorrow morning actually. I feel bad for not noticing his signs as soon as my first (he is more communicative) but will probably be diagnosed autistic too but more towards neurotypical on the spectrum than the first son. Second son has demand avoidance and it’s very tough. I am glad we had him, but my husband and I decided to stop at two since they’ll both require extra attention., ADHD af that’s all I can say., I didn’t know about my 1st when I had my 2nd. I love having my 2nd but I wouldn’t have had him if I’d known so maybe it’s best I didn’t know. Life is hard. That’s all I know. But my eldest is getting easier as the years go on too. I wouldn’t have had a 2nd either because I wouldn’t want to risk it again. But I’m glad everyday I have him., That is so sweet ♥️ I sometimes forget to also consider all the positives that could come from him having a sibling and how much children learn from each other. Sometimes it’s hard not to focus mainly on the negative possibilities. Thank you for this!, My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., I'm 12 weeks with my pleasant surprise baby, my son on the spectrum is 3 (diagnosed last month). I am nervous about the jealousy, as my son is a huge mamas boy, but I know we will navigate through it. My son loves to help mama when he can, so I'm going to make sure to involve him with baby as much as I can! (My son is also very easy going!)., All of my kids are. They were all here when my oldest was diagnosed my youngest was 2 months old. I wouldn’t have had kids at all most likely if I had known. This isn’t for the weak., My son was recently diagnosed with autism (age 8.) His sister (who is likely NT) was born 3 years after him. I think because my son is so high functioning, it really didn't change our desire to have a second as he is very self-sufficient. I do have concerns about how it will impact their relationship as they get older. For now, they love each other so much. It's very sweet., We decided to have a 2nd child before knowing anything about the issues our 1st would have since he more or less hit all early developmental milestones. They are 2.5 years apart. 1st child did pretty well in daycare, but as soon as the preschool component started and there were non preferred demands around age 3-4, that's when the major issues surfaced. We have been dealing with extreme behaviors since then, and he's now 11. I absolutely love my 2nd child, and I'm so glad that I have him, but I'm not sure if I would have made the same choice if I had known just how difficult things would be going into it. We are now divorced, and I'm remarried. Now husband and I decided not to have a baby together, even though he has no biological children, primarily due to how difficult my son's behaviors are and concerns about safety. Maybe not something you'll have to worry about, but unless there's extenuating circumstances, it may be best to wait it out a bit and see how he does in school and what kinds of placements and accommodations he'll need. My kids go to 2 different schools, and my older son can't attend regular summer camps, so there are additional logistical concerns to deal with. Even with 3 involved parents with relatively flexible workplaces, making sure they both get to their schools and activities and have adequate supervision at all times can be a challenge., My first is ASD and age 5, my second is NT and 4 and my third is 2 and also NT. The best thing I did for my son (ASD) was give him a sibling. Also, it’s a bonus his social skills improved drastically while watching his siblings. And I can see how they are his comfort and they love their big brother., Little late to the party. Our first (and only) is 6, was diagnosed at 2. She is a level 3. We initially wanted 2 kids, and before the diagnosis we talked about waiting till she was potty trained and speaking since that would make things a bit easier on us. Then of course the speech kept not happening, same with potty training, then assessments and diagnosis. She was diagnosed right at the start of COVID, so on top of the normal stress of this new disorder, we couldn’t start on treatment and therapy right away.     We kept saying when things settle down and life stress isn’t so insane, etc etc. But finally we just acknowledged that things are never going to “settle” the way we would want/need to justify having another. My daughter wakes overnight, sometimes calmly, others violently. Still in pull-ups, has words but more on par with a child around 2 years, meltdowns, routine rigidity, very limited diet, etc.     It has taken years to get to a point where we feel like we are actually managing it and not just surviving. I’m in therapy, take Lexapro and Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression (which helped a ton), we have the means to pay for any therapy covered or not, the time and bandwidth to give her what she needs, etc.   So yeah, looking at our lives, we know having another will lessen our ability to give her what she needs; we run the risk of another with Autism (more concerned with costs and bandwidth to care, would love them no matter what); plus I worked so hard to get my mental health back to a good place so that I can be a present parent and partnerso don’t want to risk losing that all over again. And even *if* our second was NT, that child would absolutely not be getting what they deserve. We have limited outings, home can be stressful when our daughter is upset, etc. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.     So while it saddened me initially because I always imagined two and know I have the love to give and enjoyed my pregnancy and having a baby, I know it’s the right move for the family to stop. My daughter has been going through what I would call a 5 month “rough patch” of shit sleep, challenging behaviors, etc., and it has only reaffirmed my choice to not do it., I'm waiting. Mine is 4.5 and I know that having another right now would be rough on him. So we're waiting until he's a little older to see how he does when kindergarten starts., “When in doubt, choose life.”, I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., This is a great point! He currently goes to school/daycare full time Monday-Friday since my husband and I both work, and he does really great there, but he is still so young and I know they don’t place many demands on him yet. It’s also more of a Montessori type of school so lots of free play. So I have no idea how he’ll do in a typical school setting, This is kind of where I’m at, too., Love this perspective! And congratulations!!, I can totally relate to that feeling, even though my son is not super high needs right now I have no idea whether or not that will change so it’s a difficult decision for sure. Also in my 30s so it kind of feels like now or never 😅, That study sounds so interesting, do you mind me asking where you’re located and what the name of the study is?, Love to hear that!! Thank you for sharing, I feel the same way about my two kids (5 & 2.5)… I think it’s beneficial for my 2.5 neurotypical kid (assuming she is NT, which seems to be the case, so far; especially in comparison to where my first was at 2.5). I do wish I would have had a bigger gap between them, it’s very hard at these ages, but I didn’t know my first is ND and has intense sensory needs until I was already 7 months pregnant with my second., Thank you for sharing! Very similar situation except we unfortunately do both have to work, at least for now. However my son gets his early intervention services at his school right now and I am trying to get him approved for an integrated special ed preschool program where he can continue to get services there once he turns 3. So hopefully that would help if we do decide to have a second! Also, congratulations!! 😊, That’s amazing I’m sure they will do great! I am also trying to get my son into a special ed preschool program when he turns 3 this fall 🤞🏻 and same, I’m in my 30s as well so definitely feeling the pressure to make a decision!, This made me tear up a bit 🥲 how wonderful for them to have each other and for you to have them both ♥️ I love my son more than anything in this world but I do have a feeling deep down that having another and giving him a sibling would complete our little family, Your son sounds EXACTLY like mine!! Even down to my husband likely being on the spectrum, which neither of us would have ever even considered until we learned more about it due to my son! So funny how alike our stories seem to be. Thank you so much for sharing because in reality this is exactly what I hope for, and it’s nice to hear from someone with such a similar experience. When I look at his sweet and happy little self I know deep down he would do so well with a sibling. I honestly just think it comes down to whether we’re ready to handle two kids in general cause ASD or not, these toddlers are exhausting 😅, Thank you so much for this! I agree with how you felt in the sense that deep down it somehow doesn’t feel like our family is completed. We were planning to have another around the time he turns 4 which I was hoping would be a good age gap, but now I am second guessing if I should wait a bit longer. The thing is he is overall pretty easy right now besides his language delay/communication struggles which is often frustrating for both of us- but besides that he eats well, sleeps very well, generally a really happy kid and not many challenging behaviors. BUT I do know that this could easily change and there is really no way to tell how things will be in the future. But I often remind myself that even NT kids have their struggles and every kid is so unique and unpredictable. Parenting is just hard no matter what 😅, Thank you! Yes our sons do sounds very similar, with our only real concerns at the moment being his language delay and sensory seeking behaviors. I am trying to get him as many services as I can as early as I can! Is/was your son in OT? We are hoping to start that soon in addition to his ST. He has only been in speech for a couple months and the difference is so amazing already. He literally had zero words and basically no receptive language when he started, now he follows more instructions and whenever we leave somewhere he looks at everyone and says “bye!” And waves 🥹, Very interesting! Thank you for sharing that. Do you mind if I ask how you know that your son is ND but not autistic? Was he evaluated or you just know based on what you’ve learned from your daughter?, This was very helpful thank you! Do you mind sharing around how old your son was when you started noticing him becoming more sensitive to things?, Yep, it sucks, all around… I hope for that too. Resilience is one of the main tools we can teach our kids, and our second kids are definitely gaining that tool. When I have watched Love on The Spectrum; seeing the sibling dynamic of some of the cast members gives me a lot of hope for my kids’ future relationship. Sending love and patience to you and your family💪, Happy to! We are in Massachusetts and doing the study through the New England Center for Children. Here’s a link for more info: https://www.necc.org/research/infant-sibling-project/, Thank you! Would you mind sharing a little bit more about the sensory needs of your first? I think as of now that’s my biggest concern for him, although none of it is concerning to the point where he is hurting himself or others. He basically will tap things on his forehead (lightly) pretty frequently, such as a toy that he’s holding, or other peoples foreheads if he’s comfortable with them lol. Also loves to do that with blankets, pillows and other soft comfy things. Lovesss tight hugs and being spun around. Did your child have a lot of sensory seeking behaviors at 2.5 or do you feel they became more extreme as he got a little older?, You're exactly right! We're all just doing our best 🫶 I personally think the 4 year age gap is great. My daughter is different now (in a positive way) at age 5 than she was at age 4 -- they change and grow so much!, Yesss! That’s great! Yes we started speech and OT at the same time. It does help with regulation and oral motor function. It’s all tied together and frankly my son loves going. We also found out later at 5 that he had a severe tongue tie. He never had any issues eating so it wasn’t known early on unfortunately. We did have it surgically corrected and ever since, we have seen an explosion in language! It does really bum us out to think we could have done it sooner. Just thinking what would his results would have been earlier since we got him into ST and OT at 2.5. But we were/are doing our best with what information we have. Keep the services coming and lean into anything he shows interest in. Those are my two tips from our experiences. Our son is 7 now and can verbally say several sentences finally. But he still struggles and needs to be motivated to speak often…. as it’s still a newer skill for him. Wishing you the best of luck with your services!, He has a speech delay so he’s in early intervention. He didn’t actually qualify for services but because he was a premie they took him on. Because of my daughter’s diagnosis, he is very closely monitored by early intervention. One of their developmental specialists visits him once a month to check up on him. Which I requested lol He was administered a Rita T (Rapid Interactive Screening Test for Autism in Toddlers) and scored low risk. His pediatrician is not concerned, and his SLP says he’s not autistic. So I finally believe them. Also he’s completely different from my daughter, Good question. It was very gradual, but I'd say by age 5-6ish maybe? I've heard it suggested that these traits can emerge as more demands are placed, and that makes a lot of sense to me. My son is one of those kids who is super well-behaved at school, but might break down at home *after* a difficult day. I've noticed there are a few "loud" kids in his autistic class, and he tolerates the environment with accommodations, but when he gets home he might want *complete* silence and be very *intolerant*., I’m in Mass too! I actually got a letter asking for my infant to be part of the study. I was interested in doing it then totally forgot lol, My daughter is a sensory seeker and had those behaviors at 2.5, which I didn’t realize were so intense (at the time) because I didn’t know what was normal for a 2.5 yr old (I just thought she was a hyper kid). Some of the ways they showed up: slamming into things on purpose, wanting to be upside down, liking to be smashed in between things, swinging, spinning, slamming toys on her head. We started OT around that age so we could understand how to channel and meet those needs, and at that age she was only diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder. At age 4, she was diagnosed with autism level 1-2. Her sensory needs have increased, but we’ve also become a lot more educated on how to “channel” them/ give her a sensory diet. She’s done years of OT, we have a therapy swing at home, crash pad, I know more about her interoceptive (Google if you don’t know what that is, I didn’t when mine was 2) dysregulation, etc. When I say her sensory needs have increased, I mean that now I notice other things trigger her like loud sounds, unexpected movements (all things that a 2.5 year old little sister does on a daily basis). I wish I would have waited longer to have a second to make a more informed decision about the impact each kid would have on each other. Also, if you haven’t already, get the book The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. Great resource for kids with sensory processing disorders. Let me know if you have any more questions! I’m so happy to help and share. I’ve made this my life for the past few years; I even quit my job 2 years ago, so this has literally been my life., Interesting, thank you! Totally makes sense about more demands being placed on them. Did your son attend any type of pre school program, or did he start school around age 5? I’m curious because I’m trying to have my son placed in an integrated special ed preschool program this fall and I am so curious to see how that would change his needs/behaviors., I totally recommend it! The researchers are all SLPs and/or BCBAs so in addition to evaluating my daughter I can ask tons of questions about my son., My son started in public school at age 3. He's always been in a "visual" classroom geared towards autistic (or similar) kids. Prior to that, we only did mommy and me types of classes, as well as parks, indoor playgrounds, and kids' restaurants (like Chuck E Cheese). He also did 6-9 weekly hours of ABA in a classroom type of setting (playroom, lunch room, etc.). I was present for that, too ...but not as involved. I just sat there. He adjusted well to school after a few weeks, but it was tough for him at first, because he did not like being separated from me. He loves going to school, now. I think he started loving it when he realized I was going to come back and get him every day., Technically speaking, I do not qualify to answer your question. My first is not autistic, but my second is. I am going to answer anyway. I think my current emotional coping state says wait until age 5, and see what demands school places on your kid, and how he responds. Yes, this is based on how not well my youngest is doing. Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed. Yes, we are getting some help. Yes, 2 isn't having fun either. We have to keep trying. It is hard. So my vote is wait to see if you can handle a baby of either NT or ND when your kid is 5.Maybe baby fever will convince you you can. Maybe it won't, because you may have as much work as you can handle., My first is autistic, but my second is not. About 2 years apart and I don’t regret having my second at all. He has been such a happy addition and has made every day better since his arrival., I think you should wait to see how things develop with your 2.5 year old. My oldest (now 5) is ASD, and my youngest (2.5) seems to be neurotypical, but she’s not “easy” because she copies everything my oldest does. I would probably not have had a second had i known how incredibly challenging and how many resources my first would end up requiring. Also, all the behaviors (like screaming, tantrums, and challenges with transitions) that my first does, my second does to copy her sister. I know eventually, my 2.5 year old will grow out of this phase, but as my 5 year old gets older, and the gap grows between what her peers are doing vs what she does, it’s more and more evident that my second daughters life will never be normal. This will be a good thing and bad thing for her and for both of them. But, overall it’s very challenging to be a parent and juggle the regular things, add in neurodivergence, and then add in another kid, and it’s definitely not an easy journey. All that being said though, i absolutely adore both of my kids., Keep in mind the shit doesn’t even really start to hit the fan until they start school, and each transition there after takes a ton of support., My first is and i will not be having another. I sometimes get burned out from tantrum’s, crazy sleep schedule and all the things that come with autism. I love being able focus on her and her only and not spread myself too thin., My first is ND and is 5 and my second is NT and is 3. I was pregnant with my 2nd before my first received his diagnosis. It was difficult, but I couldn’t imagine my family without my youngest. He’s the comic relief., I have four kids. 1 is AuDHD, 2 ADHD, 3 AuDHD & the 4th is 7 months old. I assume he'll be ND. Dad and I are both AuDHD. I wouldn't change any of my choices, and if I was young enough I'd have 4 more. Lol My second son is the only one that gave me pause on having more. He's a typical second child + terrible impulse control. I've spent more time in the er getting him stitched, stapled & glued back together than any of my others. I love my kids, and watching them grow up. Only you know what you can handle & want. ND kids have challenges, but NT kids aren't easy. Kids ask a lot from us. I wish you the best on your journey., My current opinion is wait until 5 as well. You just don’t know how much support they will need and how much support your next kid will need. Sometimes there may not be enough time, or enough resources to help them both. I have a newborn and my son is level 3. We are unable to support my oldest enough being torn between the two and needing to bring money in financially, My 6 year old is severely autistic and we’re still waiting to see if my second is. We debated for a couple of years if we could handle another child after the autism diagnosis. We eventually decided to go for it because we always wanted two and the regret of not trying was too heavy. Now we’re a family of 4, and while my oldest has major issues, we feel like our family is complete., My first is autistic. We started trying for a second when he was 12 months and he was diagnosed 6 months later. We were having trouble having a second and eventually went on to IVF. We did not ever consider not having a second after my son’s diagnosis. His baby sister was born when he was 3y5m and it’s been clear from birth that she’s not autistic. Immediately after birth all the hospital staff were remarking how social she is. She stated socially smiling and imitating at 3w old. It’s honestly a bit of whiplash after my son and it turns out I was entirely unprepared to raise a social butterfly., Son is 7yo and currently pregnant with my second. Different father so who knows. I also believe I am autistic myself so also who knows lol. My son has certainly had his difficulties but he's an amazing little gem of a human and I love him to bits, so I'm just gonna do the same with my new baby 😊, My 4 y.o. son was just diagnosed ASD and ODD but we've known since he was around a year old that we would not be able to handle another with all of his behaviors. So I had my tubes removed when he was 2 so it'd never become an issue., I have been pondering the exact same thing. I’m 36 years old, so I realize I don’t have a whole lot of time to make a decision about having a second child. My 3.5-yr-old is level 2 autistic and is thriving in full-time ABA. I would like a second child, but I also feel guilt when I think about having to spread my time and energy between 2 kids, knowing my son needs so much from me right now., I have two autistic sons who are now 6 and 9. It was complete hell until my oldest was 6. It's just now getting manageable, with my younger son's behavior improving.  I didn't know my oldest was autistic when I conceived my youngest - they're under 3 years apart. But then, if I had waited much longer, I wouldn't have had another child. Ymmv. , This question is difficult because a diagnosis at a young age, is a great big question mark over needs as they age. Both in connection to the ASD and comorbidities, as well as other issues that may arise in any child and be unknown at an early age. I was in a position of it being fairly apparent my child had autism from a baby. My decision was made purely from a basis of it was better to provide well and to the best of ability for one child with unknown potential challenges than badly to many. Regardless of potential pluses. At that point, we had weekly appointments, speech therapy and paediatrician involvement. Speech delay was extensive. Now, a fair few years later, I think I'm glad incan give my child my all, because I severely underestimated how exhausting having to fight and push for assessments, support and advocate for their needs it would be! Managing an autistic child per se, in isolation for me would be a walk in the park. Managing their needs as it becomes apparent they have overlapping comorbidities and in an education system that doesn't support these effectively, fighting for support. Making decisions regarding schooling, paying for extra support, all of that side that's what's the really hard work. So by the time you add in that sleep remains an issue a decade in. That the terrible 2s is still here. Yeah I made the best decision for us as I'd never have been able tonhave done justice to either child if I'd had a second. And the many parents I speak to, the additional child after the ND (or first ND child) appears to often be the time the final straw breaks for the family and relationship., My first is and althought I wanted a second, I will not. It saddens me and I believe another one could maybe help my son and I do worry about him having nobody in the future but...I work 12 hours shift, my husband is also autistic (high capacities, diagnosed after my son got his...which explained lots of things!) so is even more challenging. The energy, time and money I have to spend on my son and sometimes my husband is too much for me. Will always dream of having a little girl but...I just can't., Our sons sound very similar! And I have a 5 month old daughter. While I don’t know yet if she is also on the spectrum, our developmental pediatrician referred us to a local study for siblings at high risk of developing autism. Every other week they do a full assessment on my daughter. So far she hasn’t shown any characteristics of autism (my gut says that she isn’t - I am starting to notice differences between hers and my son’s development). But it gives me immense peace of mind to know that she couldn’t be followed more closely and my brain doesn’t have to work overtime trying to spot any signs., Honestly I did not think about the risk of both children having autism. My daughter was 1 when I got pregnant again, and although I could tell from day one, we did not have a diagnosis. I was just happy to be pregnant! Two kids who have each other forever. Just happy thoughts. My son is NT and they are bonding well. They’re two years apart, exactly., My son is an almost 4 years older than my daughter. He he is ND. I was suspicious of ASD but he hadn’t been diagnosed yet. Only adhd and speech delays were diagnosed when I found out I was pregnant again. My daughter is NT., My first is autistic and has SPD, anxiety, and is +/- ADHD. He’s 4. We didn’t know he was ND when we conceived our second, who is almost 3 (they’re roughly 18 months apart). Thus far she appears NT but of course who knows. We always wanted 2 kids close in age (my husband and I are a bit older than average for parents of infants/toddlers). I won’t lie, it is difficult with 2 toddlers, one of whom has pretty significant support needs in the emotional and sensory regulation realms. But, toddlers are tough even if they’re the most textbook typical kid… so I’m not sure exactly how much more difficult it has been for us compared to a family with only NT kids. I will say, it’s actually been really interesting to watch my youngest learn coping skills like using the regulation tools we provide for our oldest when she feels “bonkers” as we call it. I feel like her being exposed to an autistic kiddo with atypical needs will actually serve her well as she’s learning that people have different types of needs and to not be judgmental of meltdowns and such., My cousin has level 2 autism, but her younger sister doesn't. I heard that the younger one is working as a some kind of chemical engineer, so she smart., I’m actually expecting now! My son was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months. He is now 2. He struggles either speech delay and sensory seeking (pacing and flapping nothing crazy.) We waited on it and decided that we would be totally fine having another just like him. We also crunched numbers and determined that financially we could live on one income - the stress of all of my sons therapy makes it really hard for me to work full time and just won’t be possible with 2 kids - even if the second one is NT. Something to think about!, My twins just turned 3 and started developmental preschool, so we’re waiting to see how things go with that before we decide for sure. Told my fiancé we only have a couple years tho because I don’t wanna have the potential third past 40, personally lol, Oldest is 9 and ASD. He was non verbal up until school. By end first year of school he'd come a long way. Doesn't shut up now. Little girl is 4 years younger than him. Also asd. She is excelling at school, in senior kinder which is 2nd year full time in Canada. I was terrified of having a second. Didn't think there was enough of me to go for a second. Couldn't imagine life without her now. Our family wouldn't be complete. She and her big bro are best friends. Fight and argue like siblings but she adores him and he gets someone to narrate his life too and share his interests. Long term, I am very happy they have each other. Wasn't easy. Wouldn't change it for anything., I have 2. My oldest is ND and second is NT. Honestly, I love it so much. The younger one is 2 years younger and I couldn't imagine not having both of them. The NT one just turned 3 and I noticed that as he is talking more, so is my ND kid. It also helps that they are both learning to share and take turns . I also get to see my ND child show sympathy and see how she is so protective of her little brother. I am also really excited, because this year I am signing up both of them for pee wee sports, just to see if they are interested before having to buy all the supplies. I am hoping that having my oldest see that her brother is there, will make her feel more at ease at trying something new., Your situation sounds similar to mine! My first born, my son, was diagnosed with a speech delay (expressive and receptive) right after he turned 2, a fine motor delay at age 2 yrs 10 months, and with ASD at age 3.5. He's pretty chill, happy, and silly. But lots of sensory seeking (he's hyposensitive), repetitive, no imaginary play, not much interest in toys unless they're trucks or cars, etc. We're like 99% certain my husband is autistic and our son is SO much like him so really none of it is shocking. I wanted a 2nd child and ultimately knew that if my 2nd turned out like my son, I'd love them so much just like my son so we went for it! My daughter was born when my son was 2 yrs 4 months. He handled it like a champ, mostly in that we did very little to change his routine so he mostly ignored her when she was a baby. My son is about to turn 4 and my daughter is 20 months and now they play together and learn from each other and it's just amazing. So far, no reason to suspect she has ASD and in fact she is actually advanced in language and other milestones. But let me tell you, she is all me and in many ways, that makes her more difficult than my son :P Her personality is more stubborn, more impatient. Love them both to pieces but my favorite thing is that my kids are so good for each other. I love to watch them run around, play with flashlights, make faces and sounds, etc., My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., i’m not a parent but i am an adult child my mom waited 12 years after having my sister (lvl 1 asd) to have me. different dad too my mom has a lot of autistic relatives, so unsurprisingly i also ended up autistic (lvl2). the chances of having another child with autism really boil down to genetics. if either you or your partner are on the spectrum or have a lot of traits of it then the chance of your second child being autistic do increase. but if neither of you are autistic then there’s a good chance your second child will not end up with autism honestly having children is a gamble and i say if you aren’t okay with the fact that your second child might be disabled, it is probably a good idea to be one and done, My kids are 4 years apart, my son was recently diagnosed audhd at age 5. I love their age gap and I’m glad we waited until he was an older toddler before having another. But I will say, I did not expect how crazy it was going to get when he started kindergarten. Many early pick ups, meetings and appointments for IEPs, etc. then starting speech and other therapies after school. It has definitely made it harder to care for my 2nd and keep her on a schedule. At times I feel bad for her not getting as much of my time and attention her older sibling has had, but I also believe this is just the season of life we’re in and as they get older. It will get easier. Overall, it’s been so special seeing how he interacts with her and they’re best friends. I would consider what your child’s needs may look like in the future and if you have a good support system. We live alone overseas and I think if we had family or close friends nearby, that would dramatically improve our situation, I have a 5 yr old daughter (level 3) and a 16 month old baby boy. We made the decision to have a second child after knowing our daughter's diagnosis, with a LOT of thought and consideration. Immediately after her diagnosis at 2 yrs old, I thought, "I will never have another kid," but here I am now, with another one and so very happy we chose to have him. We are braced for him to be diagnosed if/when that day comes, and that was the biggest part of our decision. We also felt it would be great for our daughter to have a sibling. My recommendation: Try either scenario on! For an extended period of time, mentally wrap your head around life with one child, and see how you feel. Then, try on the idea of having another kiddo -- think about what life would be like if they too are neurodiverse, and if you'd be okay with that! It took us two years to land on a decision that we wanted to have another baby. When I "tried on" the one kid scenario, I just felt like our family wasn't completed, if that makes sense? We did a lot of preparing, mentally and otherwise, after our decision. We transitioned our household and cut back our spending habits so that my husband could become a stay-at-home parent. I'm fully convinced we couldn't balance our life without a parent at home, but everyone is different! Our ND daughter seems like she needs a bit more support from your child, based on what you've shared. I also want to say this, in full honesty: I did have some SUPER sleep deprived moments on my maternity leave where newborn baby demands + autistic child demands made me doubt my decision to have a second child. But then my mom and husband let me sleep, and that doubt totally lifted. I do not regret our decision at all, even though it's a lot, we have so many happy days! Either way you choose, your family is in a great spot because you're very clearly a thoughtful person. 💛, My son (firstborn) is ASD level 3. My daughter is only 14 months younger, is NT and excels at school and speaking. We found that our son started to regress when she was born super common according to his ST. Our daughter began speaking very early as she picked up on everything we were working on with her older brother. I did the exact same things while pregnant, hydrated, same vitamins, environment… everything. Your situation sounds very similar to our son. He’s very calm, flexible in routines and social, other than speech delay and now some sensory seeking behaviors. Early intervention is everything. So good job seeking help early as possible!, My first is a 4 yr old autistic girl level 2 but highly verbal. Her 2 year old brother is definitely not NT lol but he’s not autistic. I have a 9 month old baby and I already know she’s not on the spectrum., My daughter (6.5y) was "in progress" before I knew my son (8y) was autistic. Honestly, I would have thought more about having a second child if I had known. My son's demanding behavior and inability to tolerate changes and activities makes things very difficult on my daughter. My daughter's wants and needs always come last because she can cope with not getting what she wants. My son can not- at least not well. A few examples of what I'm talking about: We can't stop and get ice cream after school, because my son will expect ice cream every day after school from that point on. And if he doesn't get it, he might scream for two hours a day (after school) for two weeks. We can't do holiday things, like trick-or-treating, without an escape plan. My son enjoys many of those things, but when he's done- he's done. We have to leave immediately or he loses it. So we might get 15 minutes into an activity that my daughter loves, then have to pack up and go. We can't play music and dance, because it irritates my son. My daughter often has to play quietly, and alone, when my son starts to get overstimulated. My son is sensory seeking and gets into everything, so a lot of things are locked up at our house. My daughter can never pull out crayons and color. They have to be taken from a locked room, supervised closely, then put back out of reach. It's not all bad. My kids do play together a lot, and my daughter definitely loves her brother ...but I forget how young *she* is sometimes, because she has to shoulder so much responsibility for *him*. Of course, my husband and I make an effort to take her places on her own ...but I feel like her social development has suffered because she's not exposed to the same amount of activity other kids her age are exposed to. I will also say, that when I have one child with me, it is PEACEFUL. It doesn't matter which child. Maybe it's like that with all siblings, I'm not sure. These are the only two kids I've had. My son was super easy going as a toddler and went everywhere with me. He played with other kids, loved fireworks, loud music, crowds, etc. The only problems, were that he didn't make sense when he talked and he was a bad sleeper. As he's gotten older, he's become more stereotypical and is more sensitive to these things., Wait until your first is older than 4. 3-4 is brutal for ASD kids. We have diagnosed older boy and undiagnosed girl who is also showing signs of dyslexia. 2 years apart and they play great together at 4/6. I do feel that a lot of younger's problems slipped under the radar early on, because her brother was so much worse by comparison., My first was diagnosed when I had his brother. He was really difficult until abount 5 when his language picked up. My second has more needs and severe language disability. You dont know where on the spectrum kids end up., My first was diagnosed at 2.5 years old. He was low service needs for the most part up until this year, first grade (he’s almost seven). We had our second kid around the time older was diagnosed. Our second is four now and is gonna be evaluated tomorrow morning actually. I feel bad for not noticing his signs as soon as my first (he is more communicative) but will probably be diagnosed autistic too but more towards neurotypical on the spectrum than the first son. Second son has demand avoidance and it’s very tough. I am glad we had him, but my husband and I decided to stop at two since they’ll both require extra attention., ADHD af that’s all I can say., I didn’t know about my 1st when I had my 2nd. I love having my 2nd but I wouldn’t have had him if I’d known so maybe it’s best I didn’t know. Life is hard. That’s all I know. But my eldest is getting easier as the years go on too. I wouldn’t have had a 2nd either because I wouldn’t want to risk it again. But I’m glad everyday I have him., That is so sweet ♥️ I sometimes forget to also consider all the positives that could come from him having a sibling and how much children learn from each other. Sometimes it’s hard not to focus mainly on the negative possibilities. Thank you for this!, My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., I'm 12 weeks with my pleasant surprise baby, my son on the spectrum is 3 (diagnosed last month). I am nervous about the jealousy, as my son is a huge mamas boy, but I know we will navigate through it. My son loves to help mama when he can, so I'm going to make sure to involve him with baby as much as I can! (My son is also very easy going!)., All of my kids are. They were all here when my oldest was diagnosed my youngest was 2 months old. I wouldn’t have had kids at all most likely if I had known. This isn’t for the weak., My son was recently diagnosed with autism (age 8.) His sister (who is likely NT) was born 3 years after him. I think because my son is so high functioning, it really didn't change our desire to have a second as he is very self-sufficient. I do have concerns about how it will impact their relationship as they get older. For now, they love each other so much. It's very sweet., We decided to have a 2nd child before knowing anything about the issues our 1st would have since he more or less hit all early developmental milestones. They are 2.5 years apart. 1st child did pretty well in daycare, but as soon as the preschool component started and there were non preferred demands around age 3-4, that's when the major issues surfaced. We have been dealing with extreme behaviors since then, and he's now 11. I absolutely love my 2nd child, and I'm so glad that I have him, but I'm not sure if I would have made the same choice if I had known just how difficult things would be going into it. We are now divorced, and I'm remarried. Now husband and I decided not to have a baby together, even though he has no biological children, primarily due to how difficult my son's behaviors are and concerns about safety. Maybe not something you'll have to worry about, but unless there's extenuating circumstances, it may be best to wait it out a bit and see how he does in school and what kinds of placements and accommodations he'll need. My kids go to 2 different schools, and my older son can't attend regular summer camps, so there are additional logistical concerns to deal with. Even with 3 involved parents with relatively flexible workplaces, making sure they both get to their schools and activities and have adequate supervision at all times can be a challenge., My first is ASD and age 5, my second is NT and 4 and my third is 2 and also NT. The best thing I did for my son (ASD) was give him a sibling. Also, it’s a bonus his social skills improved drastically while watching his siblings. And I can see how they are his comfort and they love their big brother., Little late to the party. Our first (and only) is 6, was diagnosed at 2. She is a level 3. We initially wanted 2 kids, and before the diagnosis we talked about waiting till she was potty trained and speaking since that would make things a bit easier on us. Then of course the speech kept not happening, same with potty training, then assessments and diagnosis. She was diagnosed right at the start of COVID, so on top of the normal stress of this new disorder, we couldn’t start on treatment and therapy right away.     We kept saying when things settle down and life stress isn’t so insane, etc etc. But finally we just acknowledged that things are never going to “settle” the way we would want/need to justify having another. My daughter wakes overnight, sometimes calmly, others violently. Still in pull-ups, has words but more on par with a child around 2 years, meltdowns, routine rigidity, very limited diet, etc.     It has taken years to get to a point where we feel like we are actually managing it and not just surviving. I’m in therapy, take Lexapro and Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression (which helped a ton), we have the means to pay for any therapy covered or not, the time and bandwidth to give her what she needs, etc.   So yeah, looking at our lives, we know having another will lessen our ability to give her what she needs; we run the risk of another with Autism (more concerned with costs and bandwidth to care, would love them no matter what); plus I worked so hard to get my mental health back to a good place so that I can be a present parent and partnerso don’t want to risk losing that all over again. And even *if* our second was NT, that child would absolutely not be getting what they deserve. We have limited outings, home can be stressful when our daughter is upset, etc. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.     So while it saddened me initially because I always imagined two and know I have the love to give and enjoyed my pregnancy and having a baby, I know it’s the right move for the family to stop. My daughter has been going through what I would call a 5 month “rough patch” of shit sleep, challenging behaviors, etc., and it has only reaffirmed my choice to not do it., I'm waiting. Mine is 4.5 and I know that having another right now would be rough on him. So we're waiting until he's a little older to see how he does when kindergarten starts., “When in doubt, choose life.”, I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., This is a great point! He currently goes to school/daycare full time Monday-Friday since my husband and I both work, and he does really great there, but he is still so young and I know they don’t place many demands on him yet. It’s also more of a Montessori type of school so lots of free play. So I have no idea how he’ll do in a typical school setting, This is kind of where I’m at, too., Love this perspective! And congratulations!!, I can totally relate to that feeling, even though my son is not super high needs right now I have no idea whether or not that will change so it’s a difficult decision for sure. Also in my 30s so it kind of feels like now or never 😅, That study sounds so interesting, do you mind me asking where you’re located and what the name of the study is?, Love to hear that!! Thank you for sharing, I feel the same way about my two kids (5 & 2.5)… I think it’s beneficial for my 2.5 neurotypical kid (assuming she is NT, which seems to be the case, so far; especially in comparison to where my first was at 2.5). I do wish I would have had a bigger gap between them, it’s very hard at these ages, but I didn’t know my first is ND and has intense sensory needs until I was already 7 months pregnant with my second., Thank you for sharing! Very similar situation except we unfortunately do both have to work, at least for now. However my son gets his early intervention services at his school right now and I am trying to get him approved for an integrated special ed preschool program where he can continue to get services there once he turns 3. So hopefully that would help if we do decide to have a second! Also, congratulations!! 😊, That’s amazing I’m sure they will do great! I am also trying to get my son into a special ed preschool program when he turns 3 this fall 🤞🏻 and same, I’m in my 30s as well so definitely feeling the pressure to make a decision!, This made me tear up a bit 🥲 how wonderful for them to have each other and for you to have them both ♥️ I love my son more than anything in this world but I do have a feeling deep down that having another and giving him a sibling would complete our little family, Your son sounds EXACTLY like mine!! Even down to my husband likely being on the spectrum, which neither of us would have ever even considered until we learned more about it due to my son! So funny how alike our stories seem to be. Thank you so much for sharing because in reality this is exactly what I hope for, and it’s nice to hear from someone with such a similar experience. When I look at his sweet and happy little self I know deep down he would do so well with a sibling. I honestly just think it comes down to whether we’re ready to handle two kids in general cause ASD or not, these toddlers are exhausting 😅, Thank you so much for this! I agree with how you felt in the sense that deep down it somehow doesn’t feel like our family is completed. We were planning to have another around the time he turns 4 which I was hoping would be a good age gap, but now I am second guessing if I should wait a bit longer. The thing is he is overall pretty easy right now besides his language delay/communication struggles which is often frustrating for both of us- but besides that he eats well, sleeps very well, generally a really happy kid and not many challenging behaviors. BUT I do know that this could easily change and there is really no way to tell how things will be in the future. But I often remind myself that even NT kids have their struggles and every kid is so unique and unpredictable. Parenting is just hard no matter what 😅, Thank you! Yes our sons do sounds very similar, with our only real concerns at the moment being his language delay and sensory seeking behaviors. I am trying to get him as many services as I can as early as I can! Is/was your son in OT? We are hoping to start that soon in addition to his ST. He has only been in speech for a couple months and the difference is so amazing already. He literally had zero words and basically no receptive language when he started, now he follows more instructions and whenever we leave somewhere he looks at everyone and says “bye!” And waves 🥹, Very interesting! Thank you for sharing that. Do you mind if I ask how you know that your son is ND but not autistic? Was he evaluated or you just know based on what you’ve learned from your daughter?, This was very helpful thank you! Do you mind sharing around how old your son was when you started noticing him becoming more sensitive to things?, Yep, it sucks, all around… I hope for that too. Resilience is one of the main tools we can teach our kids, and our second kids are definitely gaining that tool. When I have watched Love on The Spectrum; seeing the sibling dynamic of some of the cast members gives me a lot of hope for my kids’ future relationship. Sending love and patience to you and your family💪, Happy to! We are in Massachusetts and doing the study through the New England Center for Children. Here’s a link for more info: https://www.necc.org/research/infant-sibling-project/, Thank you! Would you mind sharing a little bit more about the sensory needs of your first? I think as of now that’s my biggest concern for him, although none of it is concerning to the point where he is hurting himself or others. He basically will tap things on his forehead (lightly) pretty frequently, such as a toy that he’s holding, or other peoples foreheads if he’s comfortable with them lol. Also loves to do that with blankets, pillows and other soft comfy things. Lovesss tight hugs and being spun around. Did your child have a lot of sensory seeking behaviors at 2.5 or do you feel they became more extreme as he got a little older?, You're exactly right! We're all just doing our best 🫶 I personally think the 4 year age gap is great. My daughter is different now (in a positive way) at age 5 than she was at age 4 -- they change and grow so much!, Yesss! That’s great! Yes we started speech and OT at the same time. It does help with regulation and oral motor function. It’s all tied together and frankly my son loves going. We also found out later at 5 that he had a severe tongue tie. He never had any issues eating so it wasn’t known early on unfortunately. We did have it surgically corrected and ever since, we have seen an explosion in language! It does really bum us out to think we could have done it sooner. Just thinking what would his results would have been earlier since we got him into ST and OT at 2.5. But we were/are doing our best with what information we have. Keep the services coming and lean into anything he shows interest in. Those are my two tips from our experiences. Our son is 7 now and can verbally say several sentences finally. But he still struggles and needs to be motivated to speak often…. as it’s still a newer skill for him. Wishing you the best of luck with your services!, He has a speech delay so he’s in early intervention. He didn’t actually qualify for services but because he was a premie they took him on. Because of my daughter’s diagnosis, he is very closely monitored by early intervention. One of their developmental specialists visits him once a month to check up on him. Which I requested lol He was administered a Rita T (Rapid Interactive Screening Test for Autism in Toddlers) and scored low risk. His pediatrician is not concerned, and his SLP says he’s not autistic. So I finally believe them. Also he’s completely different from my daughter, Good question. It was very gradual, but I'd say by age 5-6ish maybe? I've heard it suggested that these traits can emerge as more demands are placed, and that makes a lot of sense to me. My son is one of those kids who is super well-behaved at school, but might break down at home *after* a difficult day. I've noticed there are a few "loud" kids in his autistic class, and he tolerates the environment with accommodations, but when he gets home he might want *complete* silence and be very *intolerant*., I’m in Mass too! I actually got a letter asking for my infant to be part of the study. I was interested in doing it then totally forgot lol, My daughter is a sensory seeker and had those behaviors at 2.5, which I didn’t realize were so intense (at the time) because I didn’t know what was normal for a 2.5 yr old (I just thought she was a hyper kid). Some of the ways they showed up: slamming into things on purpose, wanting to be upside down, liking to be smashed in between things, swinging, spinning, slamming toys on her head. We started OT around that age so we could understand how to channel and meet those needs, and at that age she was only diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder. At age 4, she was diagnosed with autism level 1-2. Her sensory needs have increased, but we’ve also become a lot more educated on how to “channel” them/ give her a sensory diet. She’s done years of OT, we have a therapy swing at home, crash pad, I know more about her interoceptive (Google if you don’t know what that is, I didn’t when mine was 2) dysregulation, etc. When I say her sensory needs have increased, I mean that now I notice other things trigger her like loud sounds, unexpected movements (all things that a 2.5 year old little sister does on a daily basis). I wish I would have waited longer to have a second to make a more informed decision about the impact each kid would have on each other. Also, if you haven’t already, get the book The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. Great resource for kids with sensory processing disorders. Let me know if you have any more questions! I’m so happy to help and share. I’ve made this my life for the past few years; I even quit my job 2 years ago, so this has literally been my life., Interesting, thank you! Totally makes sense about more demands being placed on them. Did your son attend any type of pre school program, or did he start school around age 5? I’m curious because I’m trying to have my son placed in an integrated special ed preschool program this fall and I am so curious to see how that would change his needs/behaviors., I totally recommend it! The researchers are all SLPs and/or BCBAs so in addition to evaluating my daughter I can ask tons of questions about my son., My son started in public school at age 3. He's always been in a "visual" classroom geared towards autistic (or similar) kids. Prior to that, we only did mommy and me types of classes, as well as parks, indoor playgrounds, and kids' restaurants (like Chuck E Cheese). He also did 6-9 weekly hours of ABA in a classroom type of setting (playroom, lunch room, etc.). I was present for that, too ...but not as involved. I just sat there. He adjusted well to school after a few weeks, but it was tough for him at first, because he did not like being separated from me. He loves going to school, now. I think he started loving it when he realized I was going to come back and get him every day., Technically speaking, I do not qualify to answer your question. My first is not autistic, but my second is. I am going to answer anyway. I think my current emotional coping state says wait until age 5, and see what demands school places on your kid, and how he responds. Yes, this is based on how not well my youngest is doing. Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed. Yes, we are getting some help. Yes, 2 isn't having fun either. We have to keep trying. It is hard. So my vote is wait to see if you can handle a baby of either NT or ND when your kid is 5.Maybe baby fever will convince you you can. Maybe it won't, because you may have as much work as you can handle., My first is autistic, but my second is not. About 2 years apart and I don’t regret having my second at all. He has been such a happy addition and has made every day better since his arrival., I think you should wait to see how things develop with your 2.5 year old. My oldest (now 5) is ASD, and my youngest (2.5) seems to be neurotypical, but she’s not “easy” because she copies everything my oldest does. I would probably not have had a second had i known how incredibly challenging and how many resources my first would end up requiring. Also, all the behaviors (like screaming, tantrums, and challenges with transitions) that my first does, my second does to copy her sister. I know eventually, my 2.5 year old will grow out of this phase, but as my 5 year old gets older, and the gap grows between what her peers are doing vs what she does, it’s more and more evident that my second daughters life will never be normal. This will be a good thing and bad thing for her and for both of them. But, overall it’s very challenging to be a parent and juggle the regular things, add in neurodivergence, and then add in another kid, and it’s definitely not an easy journey. All that being said though, i absolutely adore both of my kids., Keep in mind the shit doesn’t even really start to hit the fan until they start school, and each transition there after takes a ton of support., My first is and i will not be having another. I sometimes get burned out from tantrum’s, crazy sleep schedule and all the things that come with autism. I love being able focus on her and her only and not spread myself too thin., My first is ND and is 5 and my second is NT and is 3. I was pregnant with my 2nd before my first received his diagnosis. It was difficult, but I couldn’t imagine my family without my youngest. He’s the comic relief., I have four kids. 1 is AuDHD, 2 ADHD, 3 AuDHD & the 4th is 7 months old. I assume he'll be ND. Dad and I are both AuDHD. I wouldn't change any of my choices, and if I was young enough I'd have 4 more. Lol My second son is the only one that gave me pause on having more. He's a typical second child + terrible impulse control. I've spent more time in the er getting him stitched, stapled & glued back together than any of my others. I love my kids, and watching them grow up. Only you know what you can handle & want. ND kids have challenges, but NT kids aren't easy. Kids ask a lot from us. I wish you the best on your journey., My current opinion is wait until 5 as well. You just don’t know how much support they will need and how much support your next kid will need. Sometimes there may not be enough time, or enough resources to help them both. I have a newborn and my son is level 3. We are unable to support my oldest enough being torn between the two and needing to bring money in financially, My 6 year old is severely autistic and we’re still waiting to see if my second is. We debated for a couple of years if we could handle another child after the autism diagnosis. We eventually decided to go for it because we always wanted two and the regret of not trying was too heavy. Now we’re a family of 4, and while my oldest has major issues, we feel like our family is complete., My first is autistic. We started trying for a second when he was 12 months and he was diagnosed 6 months later. We were having trouble having a second and eventually went on to IVF. We did not ever consider not having a second after my son’s diagnosis. His baby sister was born when he was 3y5m and it’s been clear from birth that she’s not autistic. Immediately after birth all the hospital staff were remarking how social she is. She stated socially smiling and imitating at 3w old. It’s honestly a bit of whiplash after my son and it turns out I was entirely unprepared to raise a social butterfly., Son is 7yo and currently pregnant with my second. Different father so who knows. I also believe I am autistic myself so also who knows lol. My son has certainly had his difficulties but he's an amazing little gem of a human and I love him to bits, so I'm just gonna do the same with my new baby 😊, My 4 y.o. son was just diagnosed ASD and ODD but we've known since he was around a year old that we would not be able to handle another with all of his behaviors. So I had my tubes removed when he was 2 so it'd never become an issue., I have been pondering the exact same thing. I’m 36 years old, so I realize I don’t have a whole lot of time to make a decision about having a second child. My 3.5-yr-old is level 2 autistic and is thriving in full-time ABA. I would like a second child, but I also feel guilt when I think about having to spread my time and energy between 2 kids, knowing my son needs so much from me right now., I have two autistic sons who are now 6 and 9. It was complete hell until my oldest was 6. It's just now getting manageable, with my younger son's behavior improving.  I didn't know my oldest was autistic when I conceived my youngest - they're under 3 years apart. But then, if I had waited much longer, I wouldn't have had another child. Ymmv. , This question is difficult because a diagnosis at a young age, is a great big question mark over needs as they age. Both in connection to the ASD and comorbidities, as well as other issues that may arise in any child and be unknown at an early age. I was in a position of it being fairly apparent my child had autism from a baby. My decision was made purely from a basis of it was better to provide well and to the best of ability for one child with unknown potential challenges than badly to many. Regardless of potential pluses. At that point, we had weekly appointments, speech therapy and paediatrician involvement. Speech delay was extensive. Now, a fair few years later, I think I'm glad incan give my child my all, because I severely underestimated how exhausting having to fight and push for assessments, support and advocate for their needs it would be! Managing an autistic child per se, in isolation for me would be a walk in the park. Managing their needs as it becomes apparent they have overlapping comorbidities and in an education system that doesn't support these effectively, fighting for support. Making decisions regarding schooling, paying for extra support, all of that side that's what's the really hard work. So by the time you add in that sleep remains an issue a decade in. That the terrible 2s is still here. Yeah I made the best decision for us as I'd never have been able tonhave done justice to either child if I'd had a second. And the many parents I speak to, the additional child after the ND (or first ND child) appears to often be the time the final straw breaks for the family and relationship., My first is and althought I wanted a second, I will not. It saddens me and I believe another one could maybe help my son and I do worry about him having nobody in the future but...I work 12 hours shift, my husband is also autistic (high capacities, diagnosed after my son got his...which explained lots of things!) so is even more challenging. The energy, time and money I have to spend on my son and sometimes my husband is too much for me. Will always dream of having a little girl but...I just can't., Our sons sound very similar! And I have a 5 month old daughter. While I don’t know yet if she is also on the spectrum, our developmental pediatrician referred us to a local study for siblings at high risk of developing autism. Every other week they do a full assessment on my daughter. So far she hasn’t shown any characteristics of autism (my gut says that she isn’t - I am starting to notice differences between hers and my son’s development). But it gives me immense peace of mind to know that she couldn’t be followed more closely and my brain doesn’t have to work overtime trying to spot any signs., Honestly I did not think about the risk of both children having autism. My daughter was 1 when I got pregnant again, and although I could tell from day one, we did not have a diagnosis. I was just happy to be pregnant! Two kids who have each other forever. Just happy thoughts. My son is NT and they are bonding well. They’re two years apart, exactly., My son is an almost 4 years older than my daughter. He he is ND. I was suspicious of ASD but he hadn’t been diagnosed yet. Only adhd and speech delays were diagnosed when I found out I was pregnant again. My daughter is NT., My first is autistic and has SPD, anxiety, and is +/- ADHD. He’s 4. We didn’t know he was ND when we conceived our second, who is almost 3 (they’re roughly 18 months apart). Thus far she appears NT but of course who knows. We always wanted 2 kids close in age (my husband and I are a bit older than average for parents of infants/toddlers). I won’t lie, it is difficult with 2 toddlers, one of whom has pretty significant support needs in the emotional and sensory regulation realms. But, toddlers are tough even if they’re the most textbook typical kid… so I’m not sure exactly how much more difficult it has been for us compared to a family with only NT kids. I will say, it’s actually been really interesting to watch my youngest learn coping skills like using the regulation tools we provide for our oldest when she feels “bonkers” as we call it. I feel like her being exposed to an autistic kiddo with atypical needs will actually serve her well as she’s learning that people have different types of needs and to not be judgmental of meltdowns and such., My cousin has level 2 autism, but her younger sister doesn't. I heard that the younger one is working as a some kind of chemical engineer, so she smart., I’m actually expecting now! My son was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months. He is now 2. He struggles either speech delay and sensory seeking (pacing and flapping nothing crazy.) We waited on it and decided that we would be totally fine having another just like him. We also crunched numbers and determined that financially we could live on one income - the stress of all of my sons therapy makes it really hard for me to work full time and just won’t be possible with 2 kids - even if the second one is NT. Something to think about!, My twins just turned 3 and started developmental preschool, so we’re waiting to see how things go with that before we decide for sure. Told my fiancé we only have a couple years tho because I don’t wanna have the potential third past 40, personally lol, Oldest is 9 and ASD. He was non verbal up until school. By end first year of school he'd come a long way. Doesn't shut up now. Little girl is 4 years younger than him. Also asd. She is excelling at school, in senior kinder which is 2nd year full time in Canada. I was terrified of having a second. Didn't think there was enough of me to go for a second. Couldn't imagine life without her now. Our family wouldn't be complete. She and her big bro are best friends. Fight and argue like siblings but she adores him and he gets someone to narrate his life too and share his interests. Long term, I am very happy they have each other. Wasn't easy. Wouldn't change it for anything., I have 2. My oldest is ND and second is NT. Honestly, I love it so much. The younger one is 2 years younger and I couldn't imagine not having both of them. The NT one just turned 3 and I noticed that as he is talking more, so is my ND kid. It also helps that they are both learning to share and take turns . I also get to see my ND child show sympathy and see how she is so protective of her little brother. I am also really excited, because this year I am signing up both of them for pee wee sports, just to see if they are interested before having to buy all the supplies. I am hoping that having my oldest see that her brother is there, will make her feel more at ease at trying something new., Your situation sounds similar to mine! My first born, my son, was diagnosed with a speech delay (expressive and receptive) right after he turned 2, a fine motor delay at age 2 yrs 10 months, and with ASD at age 3.5. He's pretty chill, happy, and silly. But lots of sensory seeking (he's hyposensitive), repetitive, no imaginary play, not much interest in toys unless they're trucks or cars, etc. We're like 99% certain my husband is autistic and our son is SO much like him so really none of it is shocking. I wanted a 2nd child and ultimately knew that if my 2nd turned out like my son, I'd love them so much just like my son so we went for it! My daughter was born when my son was 2 yrs 4 months. He handled it like a champ, mostly in that we did very little to change his routine so he mostly ignored her when she was a baby. My son is about to turn 4 and my daughter is 20 months and now they play together and learn from each other and it's just amazing. So far, no reason to suspect she has ASD and in fact she is actually advanced in language and other milestones. But let me tell you, she is all me and in many ways, that makes her more difficult than my son :P Her personality is more stubborn, more impatient. Love them both to pieces but my favorite thing is that my kids are so good for each other. I love to watch them run around, play with flashlights, make faces and sounds, etc., My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., i’m not a parent but i am an adult child my mom waited 12 years after having my sister (lvl 1 asd) to have me. different dad too my mom has a lot of autistic relatives, so unsurprisingly i also ended up autistic (lvl2). the chances of having another child with autism really boil down to genetics. if either you or your partner are on the spectrum or have a lot of traits of it then the chance of your second child being autistic do increase. but if neither of you are autistic then there’s a good chance your second child will not end up with autism honestly having children is a gamble and i say if you aren’t okay with the fact that your second child might be disabled, it is probably a good idea to be one and done, My kids are 4 years apart, my son was recently diagnosed audhd at age 5. I love their age gap and I’m glad we waited until he was an older toddler before having another. But I will say, I did not expect how crazy it was going to get when he started kindergarten. Many early pick ups, meetings and appointments for IEPs, etc. then starting speech and other therapies after school. It has definitely made it harder to care for my 2nd and keep her on a schedule. At times I feel bad for her not getting as much of my time and attention her older sibling has had, but I also believe this is just the season of life we’re in and as they get older. It will get easier. Overall, it’s been so special seeing how he interacts with her and they’re best friends. I would consider what your child’s needs may look like in the future and if you have a good support system. We live alone overseas and I think if we had family or close friends nearby, that would dramatically improve our situation, I have a 5 yr old daughter (level 3) and a 16 month old baby boy. We made the decision to have a second child after knowing our daughter's diagnosis, with a LOT of thought and consideration. Immediately after her diagnosis at 2 yrs old, I thought, "I will never have another kid," but here I am now, with another one and so very happy we chose to have him. We are braced for him to be diagnosed if/when that day comes, and that was the biggest part of our decision. We also felt it would be great for our daughter to have a sibling. My recommendation: Try either scenario on! For an extended period of time, mentally wrap your head around life with one child, and see how you feel. Then, try on the idea of having another kiddo -- think about what life would be like if they too are neurodiverse, and if you'd be okay with that! It took us two years to land on a decision that we wanted to have another baby. When I "tried on" the one kid scenario, I just felt like our family wasn't completed, if that makes sense? We did a lot of preparing, mentally and otherwise, after our decision. We transitioned our household and cut back our spending habits so that my husband could become a stay-at-home parent. I'm fully convinced we couldn't balance our life without a parent at home, but everyone is different! Our ND daughter seems like she needs a bit more support from your child, based on what you've shared. I also want to say this, in full honesty: I did have some SUPER sleep deprived moments on my maternity leave where newborn baby demands + autistic child demands made me doubt my decision to have a second child. But then my mom and husband let me sleep, and that doubt totally lifted. I do not regret our decision at all, even though it's a lot, we have so many happy days! Either way you choose, your family is in a great spot because you're very clearly a thoughtful person. 💛, My son (firstborn) is ASD level 3. My daughter is only 14 months younger, is NT and excels at school and speaking. We found that our son started to regress when she was born super common according to his ST. Our daughter began speaking very early as she picked up on everything we were working on with her older brother. I did the exact same things while pregnant, hydrated, same vitamins, environment… everything. Your situation sounds very similar to our son. He’s very calm, flexible in routines and social, other than speech delay and now some sensory seeking behaviors. Early intervention is everything. So good job seeking help early as possible!, My first is a 4 yr old autistic girl level 2 but highly verbal. Her 2 year old brother is definitely not NT lol but he’s not autistic. I have a 9 month old baby and I already know she’s not on the spectrum., My daughter (6.5y) was "in progress" before I knew my son (8y) was autistic. Honestly, I would have thought more about having a second child if I had known. My son's demanding behavior and inability to tolerate changes and activities makes things very difficult on my daughter. My daughter's wants and needs always come last because she can cope with not getting what she wants. My son can not- at least not well. A few examples of what I'm talking about: We can't stop and get ice cream after school, because my son will expect ice cream every day after school from that point on. And if he doesn't get it, he might scream for two hours a day (after school) for two weeks. We can't do holiday things, like trick-or-treating, without an escape plan. My son enjoys many of those things, but when he's done- he's done. We have to leave immediately or he loses it. So we might get 15 minutes into an activity that my daughter loves, then have to pack up and go. We can't play music and dance, because it irritates my son. My daughter often has to play quietly, and alone, when my son starts to get overstimulated. My son is sensory seeking and gets into everything, so a lot of things are locked up at our house. My daughter can never pull out crayons and color. They have to be taken from a locked room, supervised closely, then put back out of reach. It's not all bad. My kids do play together a lot, and my daughter definitely loves her brother ...but I forget how young *she* is sometimes, because she has to shoulder so much responsibility for *him*. Of course, my husband and I make an effort to take her places on her own ...but I feel like her social development has suffered because she's not exposed to the same amount of activity other kids her age are exposed to. I will also say, that when I have one child with me, it is PEACEFUL. It doesn't matter which child. Maybe it's like that with all siblings, I'm not sure. These are the only two kids I've had. My son was super easy going as a toddler and went everywhere with me. He played with other kids, loved fireworks, loud music, crowds, etc. The only problems, were that he didn't make sense when he talked and he was a bad sleeper. As he's gotten older, he's become more stereotypical and is more sensitive to these things., Wait until your first is older than 4. 3-4 is brutal for ASD kids. We have diagnosed older boy and undiagnosed girl who is also showing signs of dyslexia. 2 years apart and they play great together at 4/6. I do feel that a lot of younger's problems slipped under the radar early on, because her brother was so much worse by comparison., My first was diagnosed when I had his brother. He was really difficult until abount 5 when his language picked up. My second has more needs and severe language disability. You dont know where on the spectrum kids end up., My first was diagnosed at 2.5 years old. He was low service needs for the most part up until this year, first grade (he’s almost seven). We had our second kid around the time older was diagnosed. Our second is four now and is gonna be evaluated tomorrow morning actually. I feel bad for not noticing his signs as soon as my first (he is more communicative) but will probably be diagnosed autistic too but more towards neurotypical on the spectrum than the first son. Second son has demand avoidance and it’s very tough. I am glad we had him, but my husband and I decided to stop at two since they’ll both require extra attention., ADHD af that’s all I can say., I didn’t know about my 1st when I had my 2nd. I love having my 2nd but I wouldn’t have had him if I’d known so maybe it’s best I didn’t know. Life is hard. That’s all I know. But my eldest is getting easier as the years go on too. I wouldn’t have had a 2nd either because I wouldn’t want to risk it again. But I’m glad everyday I have him., That is so sweet ♥️ I sometimes forget to also consider all the positives that could come from him having a sibling and how much children learn from each other. Sometimes it’s hard not to focus mainly on the negative possibilities. Thank you for this!, My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., I'm 12 weeks with my pleasant surprise baby, my son on the spectrum is 3 (diagnosed last month). I am nervous about the jealousy, as my son is a huge mamas boy, but I know we will navigate through it. My son loves to help mama when he can, so I'm going to make sure to involve him with baby as much as I can! (My son is also very easy going!)., All of my kids are. They were all here when my oldest was diagnosed my youngest was 2 months old. I wouldn’t have had kids at all most likely if I had known. This isn’t for the weak., My son was recently diagnosed with autism (age 8.) His sister (who is likely NT) was born 3 years after him. I think because my son is so high functioning, it really didn't change our desire to have a second as he is very self-sufficient. I do have concerns about how it will impact their relationship as they get older. For now, they love each other so much. It's very sweet., We decided to have a 2nd child before knowing anything about the issues our 1st would have since he more or less hit all early developmental milestones. They are 2.5 years apart. 1st child did pretty well in daycare, but as soon as the preschool component started and there were non preferred demands around age 3-4, that's when the major issues surfaced. We have been dealing with extreme behaviors since then, and he's now 11. I absolutely love my 2nd child, and I'm so glad that I have him, but I'm not sure if I would have made the same choice if I had known just how difficult things would be going into it. We are now divorced, and I'm remarried. Now husband and I decided not to have a baby together, even though he has no biological children, primarily due to how difficult my son's behaviors are and concerns about safety. Maybe not something you'll have to worry about, but unless there's extenuating circumstances, it may be best to wait it out a bit and see how he does in school and what kinds of placements and accommodations he'll need. My kids go to 2 different schools, and my older son can't attend regular summer camps, so there are additional logistical concerns to deal with. Even with 3 involved parents with relatively flexible workplaces, making sure they both get to their schools and activities and have adequate supervision at all times can be a challenge., My first is ASD and age 5, my second is NT and 4 and my third is 2 and also NT. The best thing I did for my son (ASD) was give him a sibling. Also, it’s a bonus his social skills improved drastically while watching his siblings. And I can see how they are his comfort and they love their big brother., Little late to the party. Our first (and only) is 6, was diagnosed at 2. She is a level 3. We initially wanted 2 kids, and before the diagnosis we talked about waiting till she was potty trained and speaking since that would make things a bit easier on us. Then of course the speech kept not happening, same with potty training, then assessments and diagnosis. She was diagnosed right at the start of COVID, so on top of the normal stress of this new disorder, we couldn’t start on treatment and therapy right away.     We kept saying when things settle down and life stress isn’t so insane, etc etc. But finally we just acknowledged that things are never going to “settle” the way we would want/need to justify having another. My daughter wakes overnight, sometimes calmly, others violently. Still in pull-ups, has words but more on par with a child around 2 years, meltdowns, routine rigidity, very limited diet, etc.     It has taken years to get to a point where we feel like we are actually managing it and not just surviving. I’m in therapy, take Lexapro and Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression (which helped a ton), we have the means to pay for any therapy covered or not, the time and bandwidth to give her what she needs, etc.   So yeah, looking at our lives, we know having another will lessen our ability to give her what she needs; we run the risk of another with Autism (more concerned with costs and bandwidth to care, would love them no matter what); plus I worked so hard to get my mental health back to a good place so that I can be a present parent and partnerso don’t want to risk losing that all over again. And even *if* our second was NT, that child would absolutely not be getting what they deserve. We have limited outings, home can be stressful when our daughter is upset, etc. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.     So while it saddened me initially because I always imagined two and know I have the love to give and enjoyed my pregnancy and having a baby, I know it’s the right move for the family to stop. My daughter has been going through what I would call a 5 month “rough patch” of shit sleep, challenging behaviors, etc., and it has only reaffirmed my choice to not do it., I'm waiting. Mine is 4.5 and I know that having another right now would be rough on him. So we're waiting until he's a little older to see how he does when kindergarten starts., “When in doubt, choose life.”, I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., This is a great point! He currently goes to school/daycare full time Monday-Friday since my husband and I both work, and he does really great there, but he is still so young and I know they don’t place many demands on him yet. It’s also more of a Montessori type of school so lots of free play. So I have no idea how he’ll do in a typical school setting, This is kind of where I’m at, too., Love this perspective! And congratulations!!, I can totally relate to that feeling, even though my son is not super high needs right now I have no idea whether or not that will change so it’s a difficult decision for sure. Also in my 30s so it kind of feels like now or never 😅, That study sounds so interesting, do you mind me asking where you’re located and what the name of the study is?, Love to hear that!! Thank you for sharing, I feel the same way about my two kids (5 & 2.5)… I think it’s beneficial for my 2.5 neurotypical kid (assuming she is NT, which seems to be the case, so far; especially in comparison to where my first was at 2.5). I do wish I would have had a bigger gap between them, it’s very hard at these ages, but I didn’t know my first is ND and has intense sensory needs until I was already 7 months pregnant with my second., Thank you for sharing! Very similar situation except we unfortunately do both have to work, at least for now. However my son gets his early intervention services at his school right now and I am trying to get him approved for an integrated special ed preschool program where he can continue to get services there once he turns 3. So hopefully that would help if we do decide to have a second! Also, congratulations!! 😊, That’s amazing I’m sure they will do great! I am also trying to get my son into a special ed preschool program when he turns 3 this fall 🤞🏻 and same, I’m in my 30s as well so definitely feeling the pressure to make a decision!, This made me tear up a bit 🥲 how wonderful for them to have each other and for you to have them both ♥️ I love my son more than anything in this world but I do have a feeling deep down that having another and giving him a sibling would complete our little family, Your son sounds EXACTLY like mine!! Even down to my husband likely being on the spectrum, which neither of us would have ever even considered until we learned more about it due to my son! So funny how alike our stories seem to be. Thank you so much for sharing because in reality this is exactly what I hope for, and it’s nice to hear from someone with such a similar experience. When I look at his sweet and happy little self I know deep down he would do so well with a sibling. I honestly just think it comes down to whether we’re ready to handle two kids in general cause ASD or not, these toddlers are exhausting 😅, Thank you so much for this! I agree with how you felt in the sense that deep down it somehow doesn’t feel like our family is completed. We were planning to have another around the time he turns 4 which I was hoping would be a good age gap, but now I am second guessing if I should wait a bit longer. The thing is he is overall pretty easy right now besides his language delay/communication struggles which is often frustrating for both of us- but besides that he eats well, sleeps very well, generally a really happy kid and not many challenging behaviors. BUT I do know that this could easily change and there is really no way to tell how things will be in the future. But I often remind myself that even NT kids have their struggles and every kid is so unique and unpredictable. Parenting is just hard no matter what 😅, Thank you! Yes our sons do sounds very similar, with our only real concerns at the moment being his language delay and sensory seeking behaviors. I am trying to get him as many services as I can as early as I can! Is/was your son in OT? We are hoping to start that soon in addition to his ST. He has only been in speech for a couple months and the difference is so amazing already. He literally had zero words and basically no receptive language when he started, now he follows more instructions and whenever we leave somewhere he looks at everyone and says “bye!” And waves 🥹, Very interesting! Thank you for sharing that. Do you mind if I ask how you know that your son is ND but not autistic? Was he evaluated or you just know based on what you’ve learned from your daughter?, This was very helpful thank you! Do you mind sharing around how old your son was when you started noticing him becoming more sensitive to things?, Yep, it sucks, all around… I hope for that too. Resilience is one of the main tools we can teach our kids, and our second kids are definitely gaining that tool. When I have watched Love on The Spectrum; seeing the sibling dynamic of some of the cast members gives me a lot of hope for my kids’ future relationship. Sending love and patience to you and your family💪, Happy to! We are in Massachusetts and doing the study through the New England Center for Children. Here’s a link for more info: https://www.necc.org/research/infant-sibling-project/, Thank you! Would you mind sharing a little bit more about the sensory needs of your first? I think as of now that’s my biggest concern for him, although none of it is concerning to the point where he is hurting himself or others. He basically will tap things on his forehead (lightly) pretty frequently, such as a toy that he’s holding, or other peoples foreheads if he’s comfortable with them lol. Also loves to do that with blankets, pillows and other soft comfy things. Lovesss tight hugs and being spun around. Did your child have a lot of sensory seeking behaviors at 2.5 or do you feel they became more extreme as he got a little older?, You're exactly right! We're all just doing our best 🫶 I personally think the 4 year age gap is great. My daughter is different now (in a positive way) at age 5 than she was at age 4 -- they change and grow so much!, Yesss! That’s great! Yes we started speech and OT at the same time. It does help with regulation and oral motor function. It’s all tied together and frankly my son loves going. We also found out later at 5 that he had a severe tongue tie. He never had any issues eating so it wasn’t known early on unfortunately. We did have it surgically corrected and ever since, we have seen an explosion in language! It does really bum us out to think we could have done it sooner. Just thinking what would his results would have been earlier since we got him into ST and OT at 2.5. But we were/are doing our best with what information we have. Keep the services coming and lean into anything he shows interest in. Those are my two tips from our experiences. Our son is 7 now and can verbally say several sentences finally. But he still struggles and needs to be motivated to speak often…. as it’s still a newer skill for him. Wishing you the best of luck with your services!, He has a speech delay so he’s in early intervention. He didn’t actually qualify for services but because he was a premie they took him on. Because of my daughter’s diagnosis, he is very closely monitored by early intervention. One of their developmental specialists visits him once a month to check up on him. Which I requested lol He was administered a Rita T (Rapid Interactive Screening Test for Autism in Toddlers) and scored low risk. His pediatrician is not concerned, and his SLP says he’s not autistic. So I finally believe them. Also he’s completely different from my daughter, Good question. It was very gradual, but I'd say by age 5-6ish maybe? I've heard it suggested that these traits can emerge as more demands are placed, and that makes a lot of sense to me. My son is one of those kids who is super well-behaved at school, but might break down at home *after* a difficult day. I've noticed there are a few "loud" kids in his autistic class, and he tolerates the environment with accommodations, but when he gets home he might want *complete* silence and be very *intolerant*., I’m in Mass too! I actually got a letter asking for my infant to be part of the study. I was interested in doing it then totally forgot lol, My daughter is a sensory seeker and had those behaviors at 2.5, which I didn’t realize were so intense (at the time) because I didn’t know what was normal for a 2.5 yr old (I just thought she was a hyper kid). Some of the ways they showed up: slamming into things on purpose, wanting to be upside down, liking to be smashed in between things, swinging, spinning, slamming toys on her head. We started OT around that age so we could understand how to channel and meet those needs, and at that age she was only diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder. At age 4, she was diagnosed with autism level 1-2. Her sensory needs have increased, but we’ve also become a lot more educated on how to “channel” them/ give her a sensory diet. She’s done years of OT, we have a therapy swing at home, crash pad, I know more about her interoceptive (Google if you don’t know what that is, I didn’t when mine was 2) dysregulation, etc. When I say her sensory needs have increased, I mean that now I notice other things trigger her like loud sounds, unexpected movements (all things that a 2.5 year old little sister does on a daily basis). I wish I would have waited longer to have a second to make a more informed decision about the impact each kid would have on each other. Also, if you haven’t already, get the book The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. Great resource for kids with sensory processing disorders. Let me know if you have any more questions! I’m so happy to help and share. I’ve made this my life for the past few years; I even quit my job 2 years ago, so this has literally been my life., Interesting, thank you! Totally makes sense about more demands being placed on them. Did your son attend any type of pre school program, or did he start school around age 5? I’m curious because I’m trying to have my son placed in an integrated special ed preschool program this fall and I am so curious to see how that would change his needs/behaviors., I totally recommend it! The researchers are all SLPs and/or BCBAs so in addition to evaluating my daughter I can ask tons of questions about my son., My son started in public school at age 3. He's always been in a "visual" classroom geared towards autistic (or similar) kids. Prior to that, we only did mommy and me types of classes, as well as parks, indoor playgrounds, and kids' restaurants (like Chuck E Cheese). He also did 6-9 weekly hours of ABA in a classroom type of setting (playroom, lunch room, etc.). I was present for that, too ...but not as involved. I just sat there. He adjusted well to school after a few weeks, but it was tough for him at first, because he did not like being separated from me. He loves going to school, now. I think he started loving it when he realized I was going to come back and get him every day., Technically speaking, I do not qualify to answer your question. My first is not autistic, but my second is. I am going to answer anyway. I think my current emotional coping state says wait until age 5, and see what demands school places on your kid, and how he responds. Yes, this is based on how not well my youngest is doing. Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed. Yes, we are getting some help. Yes, 2 isn't having fun either. We have to keep trying. It is hard. So my vote is wait to see if you can handle a baby of either NT or ND when your kid is 5.Maybe baby fever will convince you you can. Maybe it won't, because you may have as much work as you can handle., My first is autistic, but my second is not. About 2 years apart and I don’t regret having my second at all. He has been such a happy addition and has made every day better since his arrival., I think you should wait to see how things develop with your 2.5 year old. My oldest (now 5) is ASD, and my youngest (2.5) seems to be neurotypical, but she’s not “easy” because she copies everything my oldest does. I would probably not have had a second had i known how incredibly challenging and how many resources my first would end up requiring. Also, all the behaviors (like screaming, tantrums, and challenges with transitions) that my first does, my second does to copy her sister. I know eventually, my 2.5 year old will grow out of this phase, but as my 5 year old gets older, and the gap grows between what her peers are doing vs what she does, it’s more and more evident that my second daughters life will never be normal. This will be a good thing and bad thing for her and for both of them. But, overall it’s very challenging to be a parent and juggle the regular things, add in neurodivergence, and then add in another kid, and it’s definitely not an easy journey. All that being said though, i absolutely adore both of my kids., Keep in mind the shit doesn’t even really start to hit the fan until they start school, and each transition there after takes a ton of support., My first is and i will not be having another. I sometimes get burned out from tantrum’s, crazy sleep schedule and all the things that come with autism. I love being able focus on her and her only and not spread myself too thin., My first is ND and is 5 and my second is NT and is 3. I was pregnant with my 2nd before my first received his diagnosis. It was difficult, but I couldn’t imagine my family without my youngest. He’s the comic relief., I have four kids. 1 is AuDHD, 2 ADHD, 3 AuDHD & the 4th is 7 months old. I assume he'll be ND. Dad and I are both AuDHD. I wouldn't change any of my choices, and if I was young enough I'd have 4 more. Lol My second son is the only one that gave me pause on having more. He's a typical second child + terrible impulse control. I've spent more time in the er getting him stitched, stapled & glued back together than any of my others. I love my kids, and watching them grow up. Only you know what you can handle & want. ND kids have challenges, but NT kids aren't easy. Kids ask a lot from us. I wish you the best on your journey., My current opinion is wait until 5 as well. You just don’t know how much support they will need and how much support your next kid will need. Sometimes there may not be enough time, or enough resources to help them both. I have a newborn and my son is level 3. We are unable to support my oldest enough being torn between the two and needing to bring money in financially, My 6 year old is severely autistic and we’re still waiting to see if my second is. We debated for a couple of years if we could handle another child after the autism diagnosis. We eventually decided to go for it because we always wanted two and the regret of not trying was too heavy. Now we’re a family of 4, and while my oldest has major issues, we feel like our family is complete., My first is autistic. We started trying for a second when he was 12 months and he was diagnosed 6 months later. We were having trouble having a second and eventually went on to IVF. We did not ever consider not having a second after my son’s diagnosis. His baby sister was born when he was 3y5m and it’s been clear from birth that she’s not autistic. Immediately after birth all the hospital staff were remarking how social she is. She stated socially smiling and imitating at 3w old. It’s honestly a bit of whiplash after my son and it turns out I was entirely unprepared to raise a social butterfly., Son is 7yo and currently pregnant with my second. Different father so who knows. I also believe I am autistic myself so also who knows lol. My son has certainly had his difficulties but he's an amazing little gem of a human and I love him to bits, so I'm just gonna do the same with my new baby 😊, My 4 y.o. son was just diagnosed ASD and ODD but we've known since he was around a year old that we would not be able to handle another with all of his behaviors. So I had my tubes removed when he was 2 so it'd never become an issue., I have been pondering the exact same thing. I’m 36 years old, so I realize I don’t have a whole lot of time to make a decision about having a second child. My 3.5-yr-old is level 2 autistic and is thriving in full-time ABA. I would like a second child, but I also feel guilt when I think about having to spread my time and energy between 2 kids, knowing my son needs so much from me right now., I have two autistic sons who are now 6 and 9. It was complete hell until my oldest was 6. It's just now getting manageable, with my younger son's behavior improving.  I didn't know my oldest was autistic when I conceived my youngest - they're under 3 years apart. But then, if I had waited much longer, I wouldn't have had another child. Ymmv. , This question is difficult because a diagnosis at a young age, is a great big question mark over needs as they age. Both in connection to the ASD and comorbidities, as well as other issues that may arise in any child and be unknown at an early age. I was in a position of it being fairly apparent my child had autism from a baby. My decision was made purely from a basis of it was better to provide well and to the best of ability for one child with unknown potential challenges than badly to many. Regardless of potential pluses. At that point, we had weekly appointments, speech therapy and paediatrician involvement. Speech delay was extensive. Now, a fair few years later, I think I'm glad incan give my child my all, because I severely underestimated how exhausting having to fight and push for assessments, support and advocate for their needs it would be! Managing an autistic child per se, in isolation for me would be a walk in the park. Managing their needs as it becomes apparent they have overlapping comorbidities and in an education system that doesn't support these effectively, fighting for support. Making decisions regarding schooling, paying for extra support, all of that side that's what's the really hard work. So by the time you add in that sleep remains an issue a decade in. That the terrible 2s is still here. Yeah I made the best decision for us as I'd never have been able tonhave done justice to either child if I'd had a second. And the many parents I speak to, the additional child after the ND (or first ND child) appears to often be the time the final straw breaks for the family and relationship., My first is and althought I wanted a second, I will not. It saddens me and I believe another one could maybe help my son and I do worry about him having nobody in the future but...I work 12 hours shift, my husband is also autistic (high capacities, diagnosed after my son got his...which explained lots of things!) so is even more challenging. The energy, time and money I have to spend on my son and sometimes my husband is too much for me. Will always dream of having a little girl but...I just can't., Our sons sound very similar! And I have a 5 month old daughter. While I don’t know yet if she is also on the spectrum, our developmental pediatrician referred us to a local study for siblings at high risk of developing autism. Every other week they do a full assessment on my daughter. So far she hasn’t shown any characteristics of autism (my gut says that she isn’t - I am starting to notice differences between hers and my son’s development). But it gives me immense peace of mind to know that she couldn’t be followed more closely and my brain doesn’t have to work overtime trying to spot any signs., Honestly I did not think about the risk of both children having autism. My daughter was 1 when I got pregnant again, and although I could tell from day one, we did not have a diagnosis. I was just happy to be pregnant! Two kids who have each other forever. Just happy thoughts. My son is NT and they are bonding well. They’re two years apart, exactly., My son is an almost 4 years older than my daughter. He he is ND. I was suspicious of ASD but he hadn’t been diagnosed yet. Only adhd and speech delays were diagnosed when I found out I was pregnant again. My daughter is NT., My first is autistic and has SPD, anxiety, and is +/- ADHD. He’s 4. We didn’t know he was ND when we conceived our second, who is almost 3 (they’re roughly 18 months apart). Thus far she appears NT but of course who knows. We always wanted 2 kids close in age (my husband and I are a bit older than average for parents of infants/toddlers). I won’t lie, it is difficult with 2 toddlers, one of whom has pretty significant support needs in the emotional and sensory regulation realms. But, toddlers are tough even if they’re the most textbook typical kid… so I’m not sure exactly how much more difficult it has been for us compared to a family with only NT kids. I will say, it’s actually been really interesting to watch my youngest learn coping skills like using the regulation tools we provide for our oldest when she feels “bonkers” as we call it. I feel like her being exposed to an autistic kiddo with atypical needs will actually serve her well as she’s learning that people have different types of needs and to not be judgmental of meltdowns and such., My cousin has level 2 autism, but her younger sister doesn't. I heard that the younger one is working as a some kind of chemical engineer, so she smart., I’m actually expecting now! My son was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months. He is now 2. He struggles either speech delay and sensory seeking (pacing and flapping nothing crazy.) We waited on it and decided that we would be totally fine having another just like him. We also crunched numbers and determined that financially we could live on one income - the stress of all of my sons therapy makes it really hard for me to work full time and just won’t be possible with 2 kids - even if the second one is NT. Something to think about!, My twins just turned 3 and started developmental preschool, so we’re waiting to see how things go with that before we decide for sure. Told my fiancé we only have a couple years tho because I don’t wanna have the potential third past 40, personally lol, Oldest is 9 and ASD. He was non verbal up until school. By end first year of school he'd come a long way. Doesn't shut up now. Little girl is 4 years younger than him. Also asd. She is excelling at school, in senior kinder which is 2nd year full time in Canada. I was terrified of having a second. Didn't think there was enough of me to go for a second. Couldn't imagine life without her now. Our family wouldn't be complete. She and her big bro are best friends. Fight and argue like siblings but she adores him and he gets someone to narrate his life too and share his interests. Long term, I am very happy they have each other. Wasn't easy. Wouldn't change it for anything., I have 2. My oldest is ND and second is NT. Honestly, I love it so much. The younger one is 2 years younger and I couldn't imagine not having both of them. The NT one just turned 3 and I noticed that as he is talking more, so is my ND kid. It also helps that they are both learning to share and take turns . I also get to see my ND child show sympathy and see how she is so protective of her little brother. I am also really excited, because this year I am signing up both of them for pee wee sports, just to see if they are interested before having to buy all the supplies. I am hoping that having my oldest see that her brother is there, will make her feel more at ease at trying something new., Your situation sounds similar to mine! My first born, my son, was diagnosed with a speech delay (expressive and receptive) right after he turned 2, a fine motor delay at age 2 yrs 10 months, and with ASD at age 3.5. He's pretty chill, happy, and silly. But lots of sensory seeking (he's hyposensitive), repetitive, no imaginary play, not much interest in toys unless they're trucks or cars, etc. We're like 99% certain my husband is autistic and our son is SO much like him so really none of it is shocking. I wanted a 2nd child and ultimately knew that if my 2nd turned out like my son, I'd love them so much just like my son so we went for it! My daughter was born when my son was 2 yrs 4 months. He handled it like a champ, mostly in that we did very little to change his routine so he mostly ignored her when she was a baby. My son is about to turn 4 and my daughter is 20 months and now they play together and learn from each other and it's just amazing. So far, no reason to suspect she has ASD and in fact she is actually advanced in language and other milestones. But let me tell you, she is all me and in many ways, that makes her more difficult than my son :P Her personality is more stubborn, more impatient. Love them both to pieces but my favorite thing is that my kids are so good for each other. I love to watch them run around, play with flashlights, make faces and sounds, etc., My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., i’m not a parent but i am an adult child my mom waited 12 years after having my sister (lvl 1 asd) to have me. different dad too my mom has a lot of autistic relatives, so unsurprisingly i also ended up autistic (lvl2). the chances of having another child with autism really boil down to genetics. if either you or your partner are on the spectrum or have a lot of traits of it then the chance of your second child being autistic do increase. but if neither of you are autistic then there’s a good chance your second child will not end up with autism honestly having children is a gamble and i say if you aren’t okay with the fact that your second child might be disabled, it is probably a good idea to be one and done, My kids are 4 years apart, my son was recently diagnosed audhd at age 5. I love their age gap and I’m glad we waited until he was an older toddler before having another. But I will say, I did not expect how crazy it was going to get when he started kindergarten. Many early pick ups, meetings and appointments for IEPs, etc. then starting speech and other therapies after school. It has definitely made it harder to care for my 2nd and keep her on a schedule. At times I feel bad for her not getting as much of my time and attention her older sibling has had, but I also believe this is just the season of life we’re in and as they get older. It will get easier. Overall, it’s been so special seeing how he interacts with her and they’re best friends. I would consider what your child’s needs may look like in the future and if you have a good support system. We live alone overseas and I think if we had family or close friends nearby, that would dramatically improve our situation, I have a 5 yr old daughter (level 3) and a 16 month old baby boy. We made the decision to have a second child after knowing our daughter's diagnosis, with a LOT of thought and consideration. Immediately after her diagnosis at 2 yrs old, I thought, "I will never have another kid," but here I am now, with another one and so very happy we chose to have him. We are braced for him to be diagnosed if/when that day comes, and that was the biggest part of our decision. We also felt it would be great for our daughter to have a sibling. My recommendation: Try either scenario on! For an extended period of time, mentally wrap your head around life with one child, and see how you feel. Then, try on the idea of having another kiddo -- think about what life would be like if they too are neurodiverse, and if you'd be okay with that! It took us two years to land on a decision that we wanted to have another baby. When I "tried on" the one kid scenario, I just felt like our family wasn't completed, if that makes sense? We did a lot of preparing, mentally and otherwise, after our decision. We transitioned our household and cut back our spending habits so that my husband could become a stay-at-home parent. I'm fully convinced we couldn't balance our life without a parent at home, but everyone is different! Our ND daughter seems like she needs a bit more support from your child, based on what you've shared. I also want to say this, in full honesty: I did have some SUPER sleep deprived moments on my maternity leave where newborn baby demands + autistic child demands made me doubt my decision to have a second child. But then my mom and husband let me sleep, and that doubt totally lifted. I do not regret our decision at all, even though it's a lot, we have so many happy days! Either way you choose, your family is in a great spot because you're very clearly a thoughtful person. 💛, My son (firstborn) is ASD level 3. My daughter is only 14 months younger, is NT and excels at school and speaking. We found that our son started to regress when she was born super common according to his ST. Our daughter began speaking very early as she picked up on everything we were working on with her older brother. I did the exact same things while pregnant, hydrated, same vitamins, environment… everything. Your situation sounds very similar to our son. He’s very calm, flexible in routines and social, other than speech delay and now some sensory seeking behaviors. Early intervention is everything. So good job seeking help early as possible!, My first is a 4 yr old autistic girl level 2 but highly verbal. Her 2 year old brother is definitely not NT lol but he’s not autistic. I have a 9 month old baby and I already know she’s not on the spectrum., My daughter (6.5y) was "in progress" before I knew my son (8y) was autistic. Honestly, I would have thought more about having a second child if I had known. My son's demanding behavior and inability to tolerate changes and activities makes things very difficult on my daughter. My daughter's wants and needs always come last because she can cope with not getting what she wants. My son can not- at least not well. A few examples of what I'm talking about: We can't stop and get ice cream after school, because my son will expect ice cream every day after school from that point on. And if he doesn't get it, he might scream for two hours a day (after school) for two weeks. We can't do holiday things, like trick-or-treating, without an escape plan. My son enjoys many of those things, but when he's done- he's done. We have to leave immediately or he loses it. So we might get 15 minutes into an activity that my daughter loves, then have to pack up and go. We can't play music and dance, because it irritates my son. My daughter often has to play quietly, and alone, when my son starts to get overstimulated. My son is sensory seeking and gets into everything, so a lot of things are locked up at our house. My daughter can never pull out crayons and color. They have to be taken from a locked room, supervised closely, then put back out of reach. It's not all bad. My kids do play together a lot, and my daughter definitely loves her brother ...but I forget how young *she* is sometimes, because she has to shoulder so much responsibility for *him*. Of course, my husband and I make an effort to take her places on her own ...but I feel like her social development has suffered because she's not exposed to the same amount of activity other kids her age are exposed to. I will also say, that when I have one child with me, it is PEACEFUL. It doesn't matter which child. Maybe it's like that with all siblings, I'm not sure. These are the only two kids I've had. My son was super easy going as a toddler and went everywhere with me. He played with other kids, loved fireworks, loud music, crowds, etc. The only problems, were that he didn't make sense when he talked and he was a bad sleeper. As he's gotten older, he's become more stereotypical and is more sensitive to these things., Wait until your first is older than 4. 3-4 is brutal for ASD kids. We have diagnosed older boy and undiagnosed girl who is also showing signs of dyslexia. 2 years apart and they play great together at 4/6. I do feel that a lot of younger's problems slipped under the radar early on, because her brother was so much worse by comparison., My first was diagnosed when I had his brother. He was really difficult until abount 5 when his language picked up. My second has more needs and severe language disability. You dont know where on the spectrum kids end up., My first was diagnosed at 2.5 years old. He was low service needs for the most part up until this year, first grade (he’s almost seven). We had our second kid around the time older was diagnosed. Our second is four now and is gonna be evaluated tomorrow morning actually. I feel bad for not noticing his signs as soon as my first (he is more communicative) but will probably be diagnosed autistic too but more towards neurotypical on the spectrum than the first son. Second son has demand avoidance and it’s very tough. I am glad we had him, but my husband and I decided to stop at two since they’ll both require extra attention., ADHD af that’s all I can say., I didn’t know about my 1st when I had my 2nd. I love having my 2nd but I wouldn’t have had him if I’d known so maybe it’s best I didn’t know. Life is hard. That’s all I know. But my eldest is getting easier as the years go on too. I wouldn’t have had a 2nd either because I wouldn’t want to risk it again. But I’m glad everyday I have him., That is so sweet ♥️ I sometimes forget to also consider all the positives that could come from him having a sibling and how much children learn from each other. Sometimes it’s hard not to focus mainly on the negative possibilities. Thank you for this!, My first-born is autistic, diagnosed at 18 months. But then right after her diagnosis she suddenly started talking and appeared mostly normal. My wife and I were convinced the diagnosis was wrong, and she became pregnant with my second when my first was about 2.5. The diagnosis was not wrong and it became undeniable around the time she turned three. My second was born a month later and thankfully all seems well (she is 18 months old and already has communication skills that surpass her sister, who’s 4.5.). I have a lot of guilt about being in denial about my oldest’s autism. But I also doubt that we would have had my second child if we agreed she was autistic. So I am very grateful for it at the same time., I'm 12 weeks with my pleasant surprise baby, my son on the spectrum is 3 (diagnosed last month). I am nervous about the jealousy, as my son is a huge mamas boy, but I know we will navigate through it. My son loves to help mama when he can, so I'm going to make sure to involve him with baby as much as I can! (My son is also very easy going!)., All of my kids are. They were all here when my oldest was diagnosed my youngest was 2 months old. I wouldn’t have had kids at all most likely if I had known. This isn’t for the weak., My son was recently diagnosed with autism (age 8.) His sister (who is likely NT) was born 3 years after him. I think because my son is so high functioning, it really didn't change our desire to have a second as he is very self-sufficient. I do have concerns about how it will impact their relationship as they get older. For now, they love each other so much. It's very sweet., We decided to have a 2nd child before knowing anything about the issues our 1st would have since he more or less hit all early developmental milestones. They are 2.5 years apart. 1st child did pretty well in daycare, but as soon as the preschool component started and there were non preferred demands around age 3-4, that's when the major issues surfaced. We have been dealing with extreme behaviors since then, and he's now 11. I absolutely love my 2nd child, and I'm so glad that I have him, but I'm not sure if I would have made the same choice if I had known just how difficult things would be going into it. We are now divorced, and I'm remarried. Now husband and I decided not to have a baby together, even though he has no biological children, primarily due to how difficult my son's behaviors are and concerns about safety. Maybe not something you'll have to worry about, but unless there's extenuating circumstances, it may be best to wait it out a bit and see how he does in school and what kinds of placements and accommodations he'll need. My kids go to 2 different schools, and my older son can't attend regular summer camps, so there are additional logistical concerns to deal with. Even with 3 involved parents with relatively flexible workplaces, making sure they both get to their schools and activities and have adequate supervision at all times can be a challenge., My first is ASD and age 5, my second is NT and 4 and my third is 2 and also NT. The best thing I did for my son (ASD) was give him a sibling. Also, it’s a bonus his social skills improved drastically while watching his siblings. And I can see how they are his comfort and they love their big brother., Little late to the party. Our first (and only) is 6, was diagnosed at 2. She is a level 3. We initially wanted 2 kids, and before the diagnosis we talked about waiting till she was potty trained and speaking since that would make things a bit easier on us. Then of course the speech kept not happening, same with potty training, then assessments and diagnosis. She was diagnosed right at the start of COVID, so on top of the normal stress of this new disorder, we couldn’t start on treatment and therapy right away.     We kept saying when things settle down and life stress isn’t so insane, etc etc. But finally we just acknowledged that things are never going to “settle” the way we would want/need to justify having another. My daughter wakes overnight, sometimes calmly, others violently. Still in pull-ups, has words but more on par with a child around 2 years, meltdowns, routine rigidity, very limited diet, etc.     It has taken years to get to a point where we feel like we are actually managing it and not just surviving. I’m in therapy, take Lexapro and Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression (which helped a ton), we have the means to pay for any therapy covered or not, the time and bandwidth to give her what she needs, etc.   So yeah, looking at our lives, we know having another will lessen our ability to give her what she needs; we run the risk of another with Autism (more concerned with costs and bandwidth to care, would love them no matter what); plus I worked so hard to get my mental health back to a good place so that I can be a present parent and partnerso don’t want to risk losing that all over again. And even *if* our second was NT, that child would absolutely not be getting what they deserve. We have limited outings, home can be stressful when our daughter is upset, etc. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.     So while it saddened me initially because I always imagined two and know I have the love to give and enjoyed my pregnancy and having a baby, I know it’s the right move for the family to stop. My daughter has been going through what I would call a 5 month “rough patch” of shit sleep, challenging behaviors, etc., and it has only reaffirmed my choice to not do it., I'm waiting. Mine is 4.5 and I know that having another right now would be rough on him. So we're waiting until he's a little older to see how he does when kindergarten starts., “When in doubt, choose life.”, I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., I’m in exactly the same situation. It’s heartbreaking that my second will not have a normal childhood because of my oldest. But I hope she’ll be a better person for it in the end., This is a great point! He currently goes to school/daycare full time Monday-Friday since my husband and I both work, and he does really great there, but he is still so young and I know they don’t place many demands on him yet. It’s also more of a Montessori type of school so lots of free play. So I have no idea how he’ll do in a typical school setting, This is kind of where I’m at, too., Love this perspective! And congratulations!!, I can totally relate to that feeling, even though my son is not super high needs right now I have no idea whether or not that will change so it’s a difficult decision for sure. Also in my 30s so it kind of feels like now or never 😅, That study sounds so interesting, do you mind me asking where you’re located and what the name of the study is?, Love to hear that!! Thank you for sharing, I feel the same way about my two kids (5 & 2.5)… I think it’s beneficial for my 2.5 neurotypical kid (assuming she is NT, which seems to be the case, so far; especially in comparison to where my first was at 2.5). I do wish I would have had a bigger gap between them, it’s very hard at these ages, but I didn’t know my first is ND and has intense sensory needs until I was already 7 months pregnant with my second., Thank you for sharing! Very similar situation except we unfortunately do both have to work, at least for now. However my son gets his early intervention services at his school right now and I am trying to get him approved for an integrated special ed preschool program where he can continue to get services there once he turns 3. So hopefully that would help if we do decide to have a second! Also, congratulations!! 😊, That’s amazing I’m sure they will do great! I am also trying to get my son into a special ed preschool program when he turns 3 this fall 🤞🏻 and same, I’m in my 30s as well so definitely feeling the pressure to make a decision!, This made me tear up a bit 🥲 how wonderful for them to have each other and for you to have them both ♥️ I love my son more than anything in this world but I do have a feeling deep down that having another and giving him a sibling would complete our little family, Your son sounds EXACTLY like mine!! Even down to my husband likely being on the spectrum, which neither of us would have ever even considered until we learned more about it due to my son! So funny how alike our stories seem to be. Thank you so much for sharing because in reality this is exactly what I hope for, and it’s nice to hear from someone with such a similar experience. When I look at his sweet and happy little self I know deep down he would do so well with a sibling. I honestly just think it comes down to whether we’re ready to handle two kids in general cause ASD or not, these toddlers are exhausting 😅, Thank you so much for this! I agree with how you felt in the sense that deep down it somehow doesn’t feel like our family is completed. We were planning to have another around the time he turns 4 which I was hoping would be a good age gap, but now I am second guessing if I should wait a bit longer. The thing is he is overall pretty easy right now besides his language delay/communication struggles which is often frustrating for both of us- but besides that he eats well, sleeps very well, generally a really happy kid and not many challenging behaviors. BUT I do know that this could easily change and there is really no way to tell how things will be in the future. But I often remind myself that even NT kids have their struggles and every kid is so unique and unpredictable. Parenting is just hard no matter what 😅, Thank you! Yes our sons do sounds very similar, with our only real concerns at the moment being his language delay and sensory seeking behaviors. I am trying to get him as many services as I can as early as I can! Is/was your son in OT? We are hoping to start that soon in addition to his ST. He has only been in speech for a couple months and the difference is so amazing already. He literally had zero words and basically no receptive language when he started, now he follows more instructions and whenever we leave somewhere he looks at everyone and says “bye!” And waves 🥹, Very interesting! Thank you for sharing that. Do you mind if I ask how you know that your son is ND but not autistic? Was he evaluated or you just know based on what you’ve learned from your daughter?, This was very helpful thank you! Do you mind sharing around how old your son was when you started noticing him becoming more sensitive to things?, Yep, it sucks, all around… I hope for that too. Resilience is one of the main tools we can teach our kids, and our second kids are definitely gaining that tool. When I have watched Love on The Spectrum; seeing the sibling dynamic of some of the cast members gives me a lot of hope for my kids’ future relationship. Sending love and patience to you and your family💪, Happy to! We are in Massachusetts and doing the study through the New England Center for Children. Here’s a link for more info: https://www.necc.org/research/infant-sibling-project/, Thank you! Would you mind sharing a little bit more about the sensory needs of your first? I think as of now that’s my biggest concern for him, although none of it is concerning to the point where he is hurting himself or others. He basically will tap things on his forehead (lightly) pretty frequently, such as a toy that he’s holding, or other peoples foreheads if he’s comfortable with them lol. Also loves to do that with blankets, pillows and other soft comfy things. Lovesss tight hugs and being spun around. Did your child have a lot of sensory seeking behaviors at 2.5 or do you feel they became more extreme as he got a little older?, You're exactly right! We're all just doing our best 🫶 I personally think the 4 year age gap is great. My daughter is different now (in a positive way) at age 5 than she was at age 4 -- they change and grow so much!, Yesss! That’s great! Yes we started speech and OT at the same time. It does help with regulation and oral motor function. It’s all tied together and frankly my son loves going. We also found out later at 5 that he had a severe tongue tie. He never had any issues eating so it wasn’t known early on unfortunately. We did have it surgically corrected and ever since, we have seen an explosion in language! It does really bum us out to think we could have done it sooner. Just thinking what would his results would have been earlier since we got him into ST and OT at 2.5. But we were/are doing our best with what information we have. Keep the services coming and lean into anything he shows interest in. Those are my two tips from our experiences. Our son is 7 now and can verbally say several sentences finally. But he still struggles and needs to be motivated to speak often…. as it’s still a newer skill for him. Wishing you the best of luck with your services!, He has a speech delay so he’s in early intervention. He didn’t actually qualify for services but because he was a premie they took him on. Because of my daughter’s diagnosis, he is very closely monitored by early intervention. One of their developmental specialists visits him once a month to check up on him. Which I requested lol He was administered a Rita T (Rapid Interactive Screening Test for Autism in Toddlers) and scored low risk. His pediatrician is not concerned, and his SLP says he’s not autistic. So I finally believe them. Also he’s completely different from my daughter, Good question. It was very gradual, but I'd say by age 5-6ish maybe? I've heard it suggested that these traits can emerge as more demands are placed, and that makes a lot of sense to me. My son is one of those kids who is super well-behaved at school, but might break down at home *after* a difficult day. I've noticed there are a few "loud" kids in his autistic class, and he tolerates the environment with accommodations, but when he gets home he might want *complete* silence and be very *intolerant*., I’m in Mass too! I actually got a letter asking for my infant to be part of the study. I was interested in doing it then totally forgot lol, My daughter is a sensory seeker and had those behaviors at 2.5, which I didn’t realize were so intense (at the time) because I didn’t know what was normal for a 2.5 yr old (I just thought she was a hyper kid). Some of the ways they showed up: slamming into things on purpose, wanting to be upside down, liking to be smashed in between things, swinging, spinning, slamming toys on her head. We started OT around that age so we could understand how to channel and meet those needs, and at that age she was only diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder. At age 4, she was diagnosed with autism level 1-2. Her sensory needs have increased, but we’ve also become a lot more educated on how to “channel” them/ give her a sensory diet. She’s done years of OT, we have a therapy swing at home, crash pad, I know more about her interoceptive (Google if you don’t know what that is, I didn’t when mine was 2) dysregulation, etc. When I say her sensory needs have increased, I mean that now I notice other things trigger her like loud sounds, unexpected movements (all things that a 2.5 year old little sister does on a daily basis). I wish I would have waited longer to have a second to make a more informed decision about the impact each kid would have on each other. Also, if you haven’t already, get the book The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. Great resource for kids with sensory processing disorders. Let me know if you have any more questions! I’m so happy to help and share. I’ve made this my life for the past few years; I even quit my job 2 years ago, so this has literally been my life., Interesting, thank you! Totally makes sense about more demands being placed on them. Did your son attend any type of pre school program, or did he start school around age 5? I’m curious because I’m trying to have my son placed in an integrated special ed preschool program this fall and I am so curious to see how that would change his needs/behaviors., I totally recommend it! The researchers are all SLPs and/or BCBAs so in addition to evaluating my daughter I can ask tons of questions about my son., My son started in public school at age 3. He's always been in a "visual" classroom geared towards autistic (or similar) kids. Prior to that, we only did mommy and me types of classes, as well as parks, indoor playgrounds, and kids' restaurants (like Chuck E Cheese). He also did 6-9 weekly hours of ABA in a classroom type of setting (playroom, lunch room, etc.). I was present for that, too ...but not as involved. I just sat there. He adjusted well to school after a few weeks, but it was tough for him at first, because he did not like being separated from me. He loves going to school, now. I think he started loving it when he realized I was going to come back and get him every day.

Depiction of posts

First of all I want to say thankyou to this community, I’ve learned so much and have soo much respect for the experiences shared. We are early in our autism diagnosis and still adapting to this journey that is to come. I know this by default people tend to share the negative experiences on Reddit and other social media platforms as it serves a safe place for support. I am wondering if you veteran parents feel this is an accurate depiction of life as parent of an austic child? I don’t see a lot of positive posts on autism parenting. I guess I’m just trying to see the light at the end of tunnel, and feeling overwhelmed of what life will look like. Is it as bad as Reddit depicts it to be? Are their any rainbows than come from this journey? How do you seek happiness now?

I am a happy, non frustrated parent of an 18 year old with level 3 autism. I live a pretty normal life with him. We can take him anywhere. He is happy and very loving. No issues with aggression or rage. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything because I have a son who will be with me for the rest of my life. Honestly, I do wish things could be different FOR HIM. But for me, I wouldn't change a thing. My life isn't ruined and neither is his. He is number 5 of 6 and my other kids do not resent him at all. They love him. Although we always accommodated my son, I never made him the most important kid in the house. When he was younger, he was a total mess behaviorally. Huge meltdowns, SIB. The nice thing about meltdowns and SIB is they can happen anywhere...very, very portable. So, we just lived our lives and my boy was just a frenetic screaming ball of ouch for a few years until his system finally adjusted and now this man can go anywhere. He still needs accommodations for his tendency to elope, and his lack of safety awareness, AND his belief that all people are here for him to play with. So, I use a few different things so that he can participate in society safely (adaptive strollers, gait trainer, and positioning booster seat with seat belt lock for the car). I am also still packing a diaper bag because he isn't toilet trained. But, that doesn't bother me. I will always do what is needed so he can have the happiest life. I always tell him I am the luckiest mom because I have him., The perspective is going to be skewed because this is a support sub - yes, folks come here to share praises and we LOVE that, but most of us first found this sub because we were looking for help and an understanding community. NT parents can chat about their children and parenting over brunch with each other, sharing advice and wins and challenges. But I know from being around the sub for a while now that many, many, many folks do not have in-person relationships with friends who \*truly\* understand autism. We come **here** to support each other because there is literally no one else in our lives to talk about this stuff with. But yes, I think that means it tends to skew negatively as a result, because as someone else already said, parenting is hard and adding a disability on top of it just adds additional challenges., I feel like this sub is more of a support sub for level 3 types and young children yet to be diagnosed or only recently diagnosed. As a mum of a son yet to be diagnosed, I don't really relate to a lot of the posts I read here most of the time. The challenging behaviours are just not prevalent. They may be down the line and I feel like this sub had helped prep me for them in a way., I see an equal amount of diagnosis/venting/praise/firsts. It's not an easy life, and we are discussing the tough stuff here., Being a parent is hard, add in a disability that affects every person differently, and it makes it even harder. At the end of the day, we are all forging our own paths with autism in our own way with different comorbidities and little to no help or knowledge about how to help our LO. Many parents are learning of their own neurodivergence in the middle of raising a child on the spectrum. Most of us have so few people that we can let our guard down with and pour our frustrations out to that when you find a group like this, a group that gets it, you see a lot of the raw emotions that caregivers keep bottled up. We may be exhausted and weary, but there is still love and laughter in the journey ahead., I know everyone is different, but most of what I see here is very very different from anything that I've ever dealt with with my autistic child, even when they were a toddler, and very different from the emotions I experienced with them getting diagnosed. I've seen some parents say they're afraid to share the positives or share negatives that don't seem "bad" enough, which is a bit sad, as this shouldn't be an oppression olympics sub., I’m a member of a few private/secret severe autism parenting groups in social media and I find this sub rather conservative/moderate in their user’s content . I like the more anonymous aspect of a Reddit account (when chosen) but I don’t find this sub too negative at all, I am not a veteran parent, because my daughter is only almost 3. However, she’s been delayed since birth so we are like 3 years into the therapists/evaluations/testing/specialists rigmarole. She was diagnosed as having seemingly “mild” autism shortly after turning 2. My daughter is an absolute joy. I love being her parent. I love celebrating her wins and progress. Love laughing at her little quirks and silliness. I am fully aware many have a harder go of it than I’m having. I would say my most frustrating/exhausting parenting gripe is just the schedule, between 8 therapy visits a week and the specialists, it’s a lot to keep track of at times., For me, the most stressful time was between 20-30 months from when my kid started aggressively regressing to soon after he was diagnosed. It was easy to spiral when the future seemed so uncertain. I know he’s probably going to spend his lifetime struggling with conversations, reading social cues, and interacting with people in general, but it doesn’t seem as daunting anymore now that I’ve seen him make great progress over 1.5yrs. 1.5yrs ago he regressed down to 1 word from 10. I worried he would regress even more. Now he’s singing and saying 2-3 word sentences., This sub was a lifeline for me in the early days when education staff had identified autistic traits in my toddler son, but friends and family dismissed it.  I don't find it negative here at all, just parents discussing parenting issues with people who understand. , I think that, like any sort of forum/social media, you tend to find that the posters making the ops are usually struggling or need support at that time. So, the posts will always be skewed. There is another section for Aspergers, so perhaps more relevant to those diagnosed with this or level 1, but if I'm honest those pages seem to be filled with adults who are bemoaning their lives and all NTs. There just doesn't seem to be a place for parents of children with needs, but not necessarily to the extent of those with Level 3 diagnoses. My life is really good. My child is living their best life. Don't get me wrong, the advocating for their needs is psychologically hard. But my life isn't negative. And the advocating is really more connected to the comorbidities rather than the autism itself. Though being uk based this may well not even be allowable elsewhere in the world where you have more joined up holistic educational systems. I think as well, that not only do these forums tend to have posters needing support, there are understandably more posts from those with children needing more support but this means that either those with lower needs requiring support either don't post here for fear of offending when their needs are compared to the level 3 needs posts or get missed/sidelined a little. Not intentionally. But this forum is, in many ways, a really good example why having all autism diagnoses under the same umbrella, isn't necessarily beneficial to all. I also think that it means it doesn't give a balanced view of life for the community and means an unintended consequence is that there's actually less support for the lower needs parents and children., We’re having a great time with our kid! We’ve just found a lovely preschool that will work with our kid and take her!! We are having a lovely time at all our play therapies and we have a cosy time at home. We are celebrating her victories. This sub is often a place to go for support and there are some parents really going through it with kids with very high support needs. The reality for us is that our kid is making loads of progress. Does she keep up with her neurotypical peers? Of course not. But we aren’t measuring things like that for her. It’s a process! Clearly there are difficult things - I haven’t been able to go back to work properly due to all the therapy appointments so we are broke. But the news is largely awesome and we are so lucky to get these therapies covered in California! And we love and like spending time with our kiddo (sometimes lol like most parents…), Honestly, the fact that most problems posted here are way more serious than my kid's behavior also makes me feel better, like I don't have it so bad. It's not schadenfreude on the other families obviously, in case it's not clear., I get that. When they say comparison is the thief of joy, it's really not for me when I compare my son currently to the more extreme challenges of other ND kids., Yeah. Like the girl that eloped and was found in a pond a while ago. That was super devastating. And the same time, it also motivated me to sign my kid up for swimming lessons. It was helpful, albeit in the most tragic way., I am a happy, non frustrated parent of an 18 year old with level 3 autism. I live a pretty normal life with him. We can take him anywhere. He is happy and very loving. No issues with aggression or rage. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything because I have a son who will be with me for the rest of my life. Honestly, I do wish things could be different FOR HIM. But for me, I wouldn't change a thing. My life isn't ruined and neither is his. He is number 5 of 6 and my other kids do not resent him at all. They love him. Although we always accommodated my son, I never made him the most important kid in the house. When he was younger, he was a total mess behaviorally. Huge meltdowns, SIB. The nice thing about meltdowns and SIB is they can happen anywhere...very, very portable. So, we just lived our lives and my boy was just a frenetic screaming ball of ouch for a few years until his system finally adjusted and now this man can go anywhere. He still needs accommodations for his tendency to elope, and his lack of safety awareness, AND his belief that all people are here for him to play with. So, I use a few different things so that he can participate in society safely (adaptive strollers, gait trainer, and positioning booster seat with seat belt lock for the car). I am also still packing a diaper bag because he isn't toilet trained. But, that doesn't bother me. I will always do what is needed so he can have the happiest life. I always tell him I am the luckiest mom because I have him., The perspective is going to be skewed because this is a support sub - yes, folks come here to share praises and we LOVE that, but most of us first found this sub because we were looking for help and an understanding community. NT parents can chat about their children and parenting over brunch with each other, sharing advice and wins and challenges. But I know from being around the sub for a while now that many, many, many folks do not have in-person relationships with friends who \*truly\* understand autism. We come **here** to support each other because there is literally no one else in our lives to talk about this stuff with. But yes, I think that means it tends to skew negatively as a result, because as someone else already said, parenting is hard and adding a disability on top of it just adds additional challenges., I feel like this sub is more of a support sub for level 3 types and young children yet to be diagnosed or only recently diagnosed. As a mum of a son yet to be diagnosed, I don't really relate to a lot of the posts I read here most of the time. The challenging behaviours are just not prevalent. They may be down the line and I feel like this sub had helped prep me for them in a way., I see an equal amount of diagnosis/venting/praise/firsts. It's not an easy life, and we are discussing the tough stuff here., Being a parent is hard, add in a disability that affects every person differently, and it makes it even harder. At the end of the day, we are all forging our own paths with autism in our own way with different comorbidities and little to no help or knowledge about how to help our LO. Many parents are learning of their own neurodivergence in the middle of raising a child on the spectrum. Most of us have so few people that we can let our guard down with and pour our frustrations out to that when you find a group like this, a group that gets it, you see a lot of the raw emotions that caregivers keep bottled up. We may be exhausted and weary, but there is still love and laughter in the journey ahead., I know everyone is different, but most of what I see here is very very different from anything that I've ever dealt with with my autistic child, even when they were a toddler, and very different from the emotions I experienced with them getting diagnosed. I've seen some parents say they're afraid to share the positives or share negatives that don't seem "bad" enough, which is a bit sad, as this shouldn't be an oppression olympics sub., I’m a member of a few private/secret severe autism parenting groups in social media and I find this sub rather conservative/moderate in their user’s content . I like the more anonymous aspect of a Reddit account (when chosen) but I don’t find this sub too negative at all, I am not a veteran parent, because my daughter is only almost 3. However, she’s been delayed since birth so we are like 3 years into the therapists/evaluations/testing/specialists rigmarole. She was diagnosed as having seemingly “mild” autism shortly after turning 2. My daughter is an absolute joy. I love being her parent. I love celebrating her wins and progress. Love laughing at her little quirks and silliness. I am fully aware many have a harder go of it than I’m having. I would say my most frustrating/exhausting parenting gripe is just the schedule, between 8 therapy visits a week and the specialists, it’s a lot to keep track of at times., For me, the most stressful time was between 20-30 months from when my kid started aggressively regressing to soon after he was diagnosed. It was easy to spiral when the future seemed so uncertain. I know he’s probably going to spend his lifetime struggling with conversations, reading social cues, and interacting with people in general, but it doesn’t seem as daunting anymore now that I’ve seen him make great progress over 1.5yrs. 1.5yrs ago he regressed down to 1 word from 10. I worried he would regress even more. Now he’s singing and saying 2-3 word sentences., This sub was a lifeline for me in the early days when education staff had identified autistic traits in my toddler son, but friends and family dismissed it.  I don't find it negative here at all, just parents discussing parenting issues with people who understand. , I think that, like any sort of forum/social media, you tend to find that the posters making the ops are usually struggling or need support at that time. So, the posts will always be skewed. There is another section for Aspergers, so perhaps more relevant to those diagnosed with this or level 1, but if I'm honest those pages seem to be filled with adults who are bemoaning their lives and all NTs. There just doesn't seem to be a place for parents of children with needs, but not necessarily to the extent of those with Level 3 diagnoses. My life is really good. My child is living their best life. Don't get me wrong, the advocating for their needs is psychologically hard. But my life isn't negative. And the advocating is really more connected to the comorbidities rather than the autism itself. Though being uk based this may well not even be allowable elsewhere in the world where you have more joined up holistic educational systems. I think as well, that not only do these forums tend to have posters needing support, there are understandably more posts from those with children needing more support but this means that either those with lower needs requiring support either don't post here for fear of offending when their needs are compared to the level 3 needs posts or get missed/sidelined a little. Not intentionally. But this forum is, in many ways, a really good example why having all autism diagnoses under the same umbrella, isn't necessarily beneficial to all. I also think that it means it doesn't give a balanced view of life for the community and means an unintended consequence is that there's actually less support for the lower needs parents and children., We’re having a great time with our kid! We’ve just found a lovely preschool that will work with our kid and take her!! We are having a lovely time at all our play therapies and we have a cosy time at home. We are celebrating her victories. This sub is often a place to go for support and there are some parents really going through it with kids with very high support needs. The reality for us is that our kid is making loads of progress. Does she keep up with her neurotypical peers? Of course not. But we aren’t measuring things like that for her. It’s a process! Clearly there are difficult things - I haven’t been able to go back to work properly due to all the therapy appointments so we are broke. But the news is largely awesome and we are so lucky to get these therapies covered in California! And we love and like spending time with our kiddo (sometimes lol like most parents…), Honestly, the fact that most problems posted here are way more serious than my kid's behavior also makes me feel better, like I don't have it so bad. It's not schadenfreude on the other families obviously, in case it's not clear., I get that. When they say comparison is the thief of joy, it's really not for me when I compare my son currently to the more extreme challenges of other ND kids., Yeah. Like the girl that eloped and was found in a pond a while ago. That was super devastating. And the same time, it also motivated me to sign my kid up for swimming lessons. It was helpful, albeit in the most tragic way., I am a happy, non frustrated parent of an 18 year old with level 3 autism. I live a pretty normal life with him. We can take him anywhere. He is happy and very loving. No issues with aggression or rage. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything because I have a son who will be with me for the rest of my life. Honestly, I do wish things could be different FOR HIM. But for me, I wouldn't change a thing. My life isn't ruined and neither is his. He is number 5 of 6 and my other kids do not resent him at all. They love him. Although we always accommodated my son, I never made him the most important kid in the house. When he was younger, he was a total mess behaviorally. Huge meltdowns, SIB. The nice thing about meltdowns and SIB is they can happen anywhere...very, very portable. So, we just lived our lives and my boy was just a frenetic screaming ball of ouch for a few years until his system finally adjusted and now this man can go anywhere. He still needs accommodations for his tendency to elope, and his lack of safety awareness, AND his belief that all people are here for him to play with. So, I use a few different things so that he can participate in society safely (adaptive strollers, gait trainer, and positioning booster seat with seat belt lock for the car). I am also still packing a diaper bag because he isn't toilet trained. But, that doesn't bother me. I will always do what is needed so he can have the happiest life. I always tell him I am the luckiest mom because I have him., The perspective is going to be skewed because this is a support sub - yes, folks come here to share praises and we LOVE that, but most of us first found this sub because we were looking for help and an understanding community. NT parents can chat about their children and parenting over brunch with each other, sharing advice and wins and challenges. But I know from being around the sub for a while now that many, many, many folks do not have in-person relationships with friends who \*truly\* understand autism. We come **here** to support each other because there is literally no one else in our lives to talk about this stuff with. But yes, I think that means it tends to skew negatively as a result, because as someone else already said, parenting is hard and adding a disability on top of it just adds additional challenges., I feel like this sub is more of a support sub for level 3 types and young children yet to be diagnosed or only recently diagnosed. As a mum of a son yet to be diagnosed, I don't really relate to a lot of the posts I read here most of the time. The challenging behaviours are just not prevalent. They may be down the line and I feel like this sub had helped prep me for them in a way., I see an equal amount of diagnosis/venting/praise/firsts. It's not an easy life, and we are discussing the tough stuff here., Being a parent is hard, add in a disability that affects every person differently, and it makes it even harder. At the end of the day, we are all forging our own paths with autism in our own way with different comorbidities and little to no help or knowledge about how to help our LO. Many parents are learning of their own neurodivergence in the middle of raising a child on the spectrum. Most of us have so few people that we can let our guard down with and pour our frustrations out to that when you find a group like this, a group that gets it, you see a lot of the raw emotions that caregivers keep bottled up. We may be exhausted and weary, but there is still love and laughter in the journey ahead., I know everyone is different, but most of what I see here is very very different from anything that I've ever dealt with with my autistic child, even when they were a toddler, and very different from the emotions I experienced with them getting diagnosed. I've seen some parents say they're afraid to share the positives or share negatives that don't seem "bad" enough, which is a bit sad, as this shouldn't be an oppression olympics sub., I’m a member of a few private/secret severe autism parenting groups in social media and I find this sub rather conservative/moderate in their user’s content . I like the more anonymous aspect of a Reddit account (when chosen) but I don’t find this sub too negative at all, I am not a veteran parent, because my daughter is only almost 3. However, she’s been delayed since birth so we are like 3 years into the therapists/evaluations/testing/specialists rigmarole. She was diagnosed as having seemingly “mild” autism shortly after turning 2. My daughter is an absolute joy. I love being her parent. I love celebrating her wins and progress. Love laughing at her little quirks and silliness. I am fully aware many have a harder go of it than I’m having. I would say my most frustrating/exhausting parenting gripe is just the schedule, between 8 therapy visits a week and the specialists, it’s a lot to keep track of at times., For me, the most stressful time was between 20-30 months from when my kid started aggressively regressing to soon after he was diagnosed. It was easy to spiral when the future seemed so uncertain. I know he’s probably going to spend his lifetime struggling with conversations, reading social cues, and interacting with people in general, but it doesn’t seem as daunting anymore now that I’ve seen him make great progress over 1.5yrs. 1.5yrs ago he regressed down to 1 word from 10. I worried he would regress even more. Now he’s singing and saying 2-3 word sentences., This sub was a lifeline for me in the early days when education staff had identified autistic traits in my toddler son, but friends and family dismissed it.  I don't find it negative here at all, just parents discussing parenting issues with people who understand. , I think that, like any sort of forum/social media, you tend to find that the posters making the ops are usually struggling or need support at that time. So, the posts will always be skewed. There is another section for Aspergers, so perhaps more relevant to those diagnosed with this or level 1, but if I'm honest those pages seem to be filled with adults who are bemoaning their lives and all NTs. There just doesn't seem to be a place for parents of children with needs, but not necessarily to the extent of those with Level 3 diagnoses. My life is really good. My child is living their best life. Don't get me wrong, the advocating for their needs is psychologically hard. But my life isn't negative. And the advocating is really more connected to the comorbidities rather than the autism itself. Though being uk based this may well not even be allowable elsewhere in the world where you have more joined up holistic educational systems. I think as well, that not only do these forums tend to have posters needing support, there are understandably more posts from those with children needing more support but this means that either those with lower needs requiring support either don't post here for fear of offending when their needs are compared to the level 3 needs posts or get missed/sidelined a little. Not intentionally. But this forum is, in many ways, a really good example why having all autism diagnoses under the same umbrella, isn't necessarily beneficial to all. I also think that it means it doesn't give a balanced view of life for the community and means an unintended consequence is that there's actually less support for the lower needs parents and children., We’re having a great time with our kid! We’ve just found a lovely preschool that will work with our kid and take her!! We are having a lovely time at all our play therapies and we have a cosy time at home. We are celebrating her victories. This sub is often a place to go for support and there are some parents really going through it with kids with very high support needs. The reality for us is that our kid is making loads of progress. Does she keep up with her neurotypical peers? Of course not. But we aren’t measuring things like that for her. It’s a process! Clearly there are difficult things - I haven’t been able to go back to work properly due to all the therapy appointments so we are broke. But the news is largely awesome and we are so lucky to get these therapies covered in California! And we love and like spending time with our kiddo (sometimes lol like most parents…), Honestly, the fact that most problems posted here are way more serious than my kid's behavior also makes me feel better, like I don't have it so bad. It's not schadenfreude on the other families obviously, in case it's not clear., I get that. When they say comparison is the thief of joy, it's really not for me when I compare my son currently to the more extreme challenges of other ND kids., Yeah. Like the girl that eloped and was found in a pond a while ago. That was super devastating. And the same time, it also motivated me to sign my kid up for swimming lessons. It was helpful, albeit in the most tragic way., I am a happy, non frustrated parent of an 18 year old with level 3 autism. I live a pretty normal life with him. We can take him anywhere. He is happy and very loving. No issues with aggression or rage. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything because I have a son who will be with me for the rest of my life. Honestly, I do wish things could be different FOR HIM. But for me, I wouldn't change a thing. My life isn't ruined and neither is his. He is number 5 of 6 and my other kids do not resent him at all. They love him. Although we always accommodated my son, I never made him the most important kid in the house. When he was younger, he was a total mess behaviorally. Huge meltdowns, SIB. The nice thing about meltdowns and SIB is they can happen anywhere...very, very portable. So, we just lived our lives and my boy was just a frenetic screaming ball of ouch for a few years until his system finally adjusted and now this man can go anywhere. He still needs accommodations for his tendency to elope, and his lack of safety awareness, AND his belief that all people are here for him to play with. So, I use a few different things so that he can participate in society safely (adaptive strollers, gait trainer, and positioning booster seat with seat belt lock for the car). I am also still packing a diaper bag because he isn't toilet trained. But, that doesn't bother me. I will always do what is needed so he can have the happiest life. I always tell him I am the luckiest mom because I have him., The perspective is going to be skewed because this is a support sub - yes, folks come here to share praises and we LOVE that, but most of us first found this sub because we were looking for help and an understanding community. NT parents can chat about their children and parenting over brunch with each other, sharing advice and wins and challenges. But I know from being around the sub for a while now that many, many, many folks do not have in-person relationships with friends who \*truly\* understand autism. We come **here** to support each other because there is literally no one else in our lives to talk about this stuff with. But yes, I think that means it tends to skew negatively as a result, because as someone else already said, parenting is hard and adding a disability on top of it just adds additional challenges., I feel like this sub is more of a support sub for level 3 types and young children yet to be diagnosed or only recently diagnosed. As a mum of a son yet to be diagnosed, I don't really relate to a lot of the posts I read here most of the time. The challenging behaviours are just not prevalent. They may be down the line and I feel like this sub had helped prep me for them in a way., I see an equal amount of diagnosis/venting/praise/firsts. It's not an easy life, and we are discussing the tough stuff here., Being a parent is hard, add in a disability that affects every person differently, and it makes it even harder. At the end of the day, we are all forging our own paths with autism in our own way with different comorbidities and little to no help or knowledge about how to help our LO. Many parents are learning of their own neurodivergence in the middle of raising a child on the spectrum. Most of us have so few people that we can let our guard down with and pour our frustrations out to that when you find a group like this, a group that gets it, you see a lot of the raw emotions that caregivers keep bottled up. We may be exhausted and weary, but there is still love and laughter in the journey ahead., I know everyone is different, but most of what I see here is very very different from anything that I've ever dealt with with my autistic child, even when they were a toddler, and very different from the emotions I experienced with them getting diagnosed. I've seen some parents say they're afraid to share the positives or share negatives that don't seem "bad" enough, which is a bit sad, as this shouldn't be an oppression olympics sub., I’m a member of a few private/secret severe autism parenting groups in social media and I find this sub rather conservative/moderate in their user’s content . I like the more anonymous aspect of a Reddit account (when chosen) but I don’t find this sub too negative at all, I am not a veteran parent, because my daughter is only almost 3. However, she’s been delayed since birth so we are like 3 years into the therapists/evaluations/testing/specialists rigmarole. She was diagnosed as having seemingly “mild” autism shortly after turning 2. My daughter is an absolute joy. I love being her parent. I love celebrating her wins and progress. Love laughing at her little quirks and silliness. I am fully aware many have a harder go of it than I’m having. I would say my most frustrating/exhausting parenting gripe is just the schedule, between 8 therapy visits a week and the specialists, it’s a lot to keep track of at times., For me, the most stressful time was between 20-30 months from when my kid started aggressively regressing to soon after he was diagnosed. It was easy to spiral when the future seemed so uncertain. I know he’s probably going to spend his lifetime struggling with conversations, reading social cues, and interacting with people in general, but it doesn’t seem as daunting anymore now that I’ve seen him make great progress over 1.5yrs. 1.5yrs ago he regressed down to 1 word from 10. I worried he would regress even more. Now he’s singing and saying 2-3 word sentences., This sub was a lifeline for me in the early days when education staff had identified autistic traits in my toddler son, but friends and family dismissed it.  I don't find it negative here at all, just parents discussing parenting issues with people who understand. , I think that, like any sort of forum/social media, you tend to find that the posters making the ops are usually struggling or need support at that time. So, the posts will always be skewed. There is another section for Aspergers, so perhaps more relevant to those diagnosed with this or level 1, but if I'm honest those pages seem to be filled with adults who are bemoaning their lives and all NTs. There just doesn't seem to be a place for parents of children with needs, but not necessarily to the extent of those with Level 3 diagnoses. My life is really good. My child is living their best life. Don't get me wrong, the advocating for their needs is psychologically hard. But my life isn't negative. And the advocating is really more connected to the comorbidities rather than the autism itself. Though being uk based this may well not even be allowable elsewhere in the world where you have more joined up holistic educational systems. I think as well, that not only do these forums tend to have posters needing support, there are understandably more posts from those with children needing more support but this means that either those with lower needs requiring support either don't post here for fear of offending when their needs are compared to the level 3 needs posts or get missed/sidelined a little. Not intentionally. But this forum is, in many ways, a really good example why having all autism diagnoses under the same umbrella, isn't necessarily beneficial to all. I also think that it means it doesn't give a balanced view of life for the community and means an unintended consequence is that there's actually less support for the lower needs parents and children., We’re having a great time with our kid! We’ve just found a lovely preschool that will work with our kid and take her!! We are having a lovely time at all our play therapies and we have a cosy time at home. We are celebrating her victories. This sub is often a place to go for support and there are some parents really going through it with kids with very high support needs. The reality for us is that our kid is making loads of progress. Does she keep up with her neurotypical peers? Of course not. But we aren’t measuring things like that for her. It’s a process! Clearly there are difficult things - I haven’t been able to go back to work properly due to all the therapy appointments so we are broke. But the news is largely awesome and we are so lucky to get these therapies covered in California! And we love and like spending time with our kiddo (sometimes lol like most parents…), Honestly, the fact that most problems posted here are way more serious than my kid's behavior also makes me feel better, like I don't have it so bad. It's not schadenfreude on the other families obviously, in case it's not clear., I get that. When they say comparison is the thief of joy, it's really not for me when I compare my son currently to the more extreme challenges of other ND kids., Yeah. Like the girl that eloped and was found in a pond a while ago. That was super devastating. And the same time, it also motivated me to sign my kid up for swimming lessons. It was helpful, albeit in the most tragic way.

Depression and special needs parenting is the combo from hell

Struggled with depression and anxiety for 15 years. When I had my son I was actually super happy, for the first time in a long time, and the depression didn’t return until a year later. It’s not just his diagnosis, a lot of other stuff happened and I think it’s just part of my brain either way, but having a child with a level 3 diagnosis really threw my depression into overdrive. Every time I think I’ve found meds that might work, they stop working or cause awful side effects. I try to stay on top of his development, therapies, safe foods, keeping the house cleanish, working, spending time with my husband, taking care of myself. But there’s so much to do and so little time that I usually end up just sitting here because there’s no way I can do even half of what needs to be done and I feel overwhelmed. Anytime I talk about it everyone says therapy, but therapy is $120 ish a session with insurance. Just not an option. This is really hard. I took my son to the park a few weeks back and he started having a total meltdown over being unable to fit in the baby swings and I couldn’t explain it to him. When I see other moms can sign up for daycare or summer camp and not think twice about it or their kid acknowledges they exist, I get really jealous. It’s not his fault, he’s a sweetheart and I love him more than anyone I’ve ever known, but I wish this wasn’t how life was.

This is literally my wife and I. We have level 3 and level 2 kiddos, we’re both clinically depressed on meds, and I recently found that I’m level 1 autistic. When the kids have a meltdown, I shutdown. I hate feeling like this and doing that, but if I stay in the same room I will lose my shit., Who isn’t on medication? 🤷‍♀️I mean just the screaming…I get you., It's hard raising kids - any kids - but, especially when you already struggle with depression. I feel you, mama. Are you able to get some respite?, Is there any help you could get? We have a charity providing help for overwhelmed new parents where I live (Germany, so probably not helpful), some parents of our disabled kiddos get help (like cleaning, cooking, etc) from them as well. If there's something similar where you live, maybe they could help you as well? Does your son's school offer afternoon/holiday supervision? Some schools pair up with others to do that so it might not be known to you, but asking doesn't hurt. Generally, teachers and therapists are the most likely to know about offers for special needs kids. Parenting is already hard, no matter your child, and depression makes it way harder. Having no time to yourself definitely contributes to mental health issues, as does worrying a lot. I'm sorry you're going through this, hopefully it'll get a bit easier in the future., So, not for nothing, but this reminds me of myself and wife. I got on adderal and it’s been absolutely life changing, Like the crippling anxiety and depression is pretty much gone. I am calm with my son now, which is really helpful. I got on it about 6 months ago, I never took nor wanted to take antidepressants, the side effects seem not worth it in many cases. It might be something worth exploring, the effects can be fairly immediate., Consider getting the ESDM workbook (amazon) and doing the therapies in there yourself; we did that at first ., Feel the same. You are not alone. I never had the give and take experience other parents got from their kids. Not eye contact or social behavior that is typical between mom and child. Everything was and is harder. Thankful for medication as I developed fibromyalgia in addition to depression. I think we go through something like grief when our expectations don't meet reality. Still making my peace with reality., I don't have any advice, but you're not alone. I see and feel you. 😔, Check out openpathcollective.com. They have therapists who meet for $30-$70 a session. Therapy is going to be crucial on this journey. It kept me alive during the very dark years., I have called to request respite and was told the wait is like 7-8 years long, and even then it’s less than 20 hours a month, depending on availability. I was told they just don’t have enough funds or people to provide for everyone. The hilarious part is like 30 minutes after I made this phone call, they called me to ask if I’d be interested in being a respite care provider. Lmfao., I'm so sorry. I know resources are really difficult to access sometimes. I only mentioned it as some folks don't even know about it. My son just turned 18, and he is only just now getting DD services through the county (after a long fight and a bunch of ridiculous bullshit). I hear you.

Desperately need support right now

It’s not a short read, but I pray that you can still read it anyway, I’m really having a hard time and I have no one to talk to..I can’t bear to share any of this with friends or family..it’s way too fresh and painful. My 4 year old was just diagnosed with autism, she needs speech therapy , occupational therapy , ABA therapy. After the autism diagnosis, the autism specialist doctor recommended 3 doctors in each of the above mentioned categories for me so I’m researching each one and calling them all to just try to see who is the best fit to at least start off with You may think my main issue would be that they have autism at all. But it isn’t. My issue is , I’ve been asking for referrals from every doctor my child has gone to for other purposes, and nobody ever validated my concern because my child can just as easily show behaviors that indicate she is quote unquote normal …. ( reading at 18 months, can speak phrases in Spanish and Chinese, she can add 1+1 all the way through 10 all from me teaching her) The first doctor to validate my concern was the ophthalmologist I took her to because I was seeing a constant eye crossing that concerned me, and for that my kid may need glasses and or surgery, I find out in a week. They referred me to autism clinic in my area for 5 hour Evaluation. my family and her father have finally admitted that I was right all along and they shouldn’t have been calling me a hypochondriac or a munchausen by proxy all these two years . That was mentally damaging in and of it self, and for the doctor to tell them all so clearly that they should have supported me and my concerns makes me so angry. Two years down where I could’ve been getting her the help she needed. They’re all desperate to drop the fact that they treated me this way ……and “focus on what she needs for her future”, and I am focused but I’m still hurt at the moment about how they had no faith in my judgment…. when I am always conservative about sharing my opinion or advice, because I know I don’t have all the answers but I knew in my gut that her eye and her functioning was off……Maybe if I had family support they could have helped me beg for referrals . I feel hopeless because I was supposed to restart graduate school next week to better myself and better her future but how can I focus with 4 new doctors to find and work with on all these issues ?. I am going to have to wait until she’s settled into this new life of constant doctors to even think about time for school….. Then on top of all of that I just took some pregnancy tests over the weekend and they were all positive. If I had any support for my concerns for my child, I wouldn’t be bent on not keeping this pregnancy. How can I bring a new child into this when I have no idea how the road ahead will be for the child I already have? I haven’t gotten pregnant unintentionally before, my current toddler was planned . This new pregnancy slipped through the cracks and I was in absolute shock that of all the times it would happen now. I am pro choice and feel obligated to terminate so I can focus on my current child’s extreme needs.

You do what you need to do to care for yourself and your child. However you deal with this moving forward will all work out and I wish you peace in the journey ahead., Consider this: There is no perfect time for any kind of medical diagnosis and there is no perfect time to begin a journey for self-development like grad school, a new career, or starting a business. Some times may be better than others. But I'm just over 3 years into my own journey of juggling career and autism parenting. And here is what I have come to realize: Just go through with your plans and see how things pan out. You can tweak along the way depending on how the chips land. You can scale back a little, go slower, or withdraw altogether if you become too overwhelmed. You never know; you might find additional support in unexpected places. Or you might have no additional support at all. You'll figure it out. But don't put your plans on hold for imagined potential outcomes; at least half of which will not even come into fruition. But during that time, be kind and merciful to yourself. Listen to your body and your heart and what they are telling you you need to stay strong during this parenting journey., I want to first express my empathy for the challenges you're facing. It's clear from your post that you're going through a lot right now, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and alone. I also want to acknowledge the strength it took for you to seek out help for your child and to persist despite the doubts and skepticism you faced. Your instincts as a parent are invaluable, and it's commendable that you've advocated for your child's needs. Navigating the diagnosis and treatment plan for a child with autism can indeed be overwhelming, especially when it involves coordinating multiple therapies and appointments. It's important to remember to take things one step at a time and to prioritize your child's well-being while seeking support from professionals and other parents who may be going through similar experiences. Regarding your recent positive pregnancy tests, I can only imagine how shocking and distressing that news must have been, particularly given the current circumstances. It's clear that you're considering all factors carefully, including the well-being of your existing child and your own ability to manage additional responsibilities. Ultimately, the decision about what to do next is deeply personal, and it's important to take the time to consider your own mental and emotional health. Whatever decision you make, know that there are resources available to support you, both practically and emotionally. Please remember to be kind to yourself during this difficult time and to reach out for support if you need it. You're not alone, and there are people who are here to help you through this journey., First of all - kudos to you to keep fighting for the right thing and getting the diagnosis confirmed. You are on the right path and now that you have the diagnosis it opens up the door for so many accommodations and school programs for your kid. Reg your school - I won’t lie it will be tough but you got to do what you got to do. Take time to absorb the situation and you will bounce back. Reg your pregnancy - it’s a very personal choice. Do what is right for you! You are a great mom and wife! God bless!, Make the decision that’s best for you, financially and for your own mental health. However, I will say as an autistic adult looking back, my siblings were my best friends and biggest support system. Not saying you should have another kid as like an offering to your current one lol, and can’t guarantee they’d get along, but it certainly helped me through school, health issues, social situations, development, and general isolation from my peers, among other stuff. It would certainly create more work and complicate things in many ways, but they may also be able to lean on each other and navigate stuff together. Do what you feel is right and trust your gut, but don’t feel obligated for the sake of your kid as it’s impossible to know what will be best ultimately. My two cents anyways!, Take one step at a time. We are rooting for you! Take care of yourself as well. What will come will come. Just try your best and call it a day. You can only do so much. Took me 4-5month to get aba therapy. The waitlist is so long. 2 years waitlist for official autism dx. Life moves on. You do your best and enjoy the small wins. Get massage get your parents to help baby so yo can rest a few days, We got the diagnosis for my 3 year old when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I worried about how it would all shake out, and while it was hard to line up all the therapies and get him going with new routines and such, I don’t regret giving him a baby sister. He loves reading his Big Brother book and tickling her feet. I really think having a sibling is a good thing for him. These things always seem overwhelming in the beginning but in a year or two a lot of those trials could be ironed out. Just my two cents., You do what you need to do to care for yourself and your child. However you deal with this moving forward will all work out and I wish you peace in the journey ahead., Consider this: There is no perfect time for any kind of medical diagnosis and there is no perfect time to begin a journey for self-development like grad school, a new career, or starting a business. Some times may be better than others. But I'm just over 3 years into my own journey of juggling career and autism parenting. And here is what I have come to realize: Just go through with your plans and see how things pan out. You can tweak along the way depending on how the chips land. You can scale back a little, go slower, or withdraw altogether if you become too overwhelmed. You never know; you might find additional support in unexpected places. Or you might have no additional support at all. You'll figure it out. But don't put your plans on hold for imagined potential outcomes; at least half of which will not even come into fruition. But during that time, be kind and merciful to yourself. Listen to your body and your heart and what they are telling you you need to stay strong during this parenting journey., I want to first express my empathy for the challenges you're facing. It's clear from your post that you're going through a lot right now, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and alone. I also want to acknowledge the strength it took for you to seek out help for your child and to persist despite the doubts and skepticism you faced. Your instincts as a parent are invaluable, and it's commendable that you've advocated for your child's needs. Navigating the diagnosis and treatment plan for a child with autism can indeed be overwhelming, especially when it involves coordinating multiple therapies and appointments. It's important to remember to take things one step at a time and to prioritize your child's well-being while seeking support from professionals and other parents who may be going through similar experiences. Regarding your recent positive pregnancy tests, I can only imagine how shocking and distressing that news must have been, particularly given the current circumstances. It's clear that you're considering all factors carefully, including the well-being of your existing child and your own ability to manage additional responsibilities. Ultimately, the decision about what to do next is deeply personal, and it's important to take the time to consider your own mental and emotional health. Whatever decision you make, know that there are resources available to support you, both practically and emotionally. Please remember to be kind to yourself during this difficult time and to reach out for support if you need it. You're not alone, and there are people who are here to help you through this journey., First of all - kudos to you to keep fighting for the right thing and getting the diagnosis confirmed. You are on the right path and now that you have the diagnosis it opens up the door for so many accommodations and school programs for your kid. Reg your school - I won’t lie it will be tough but you got to do what you got to do. Take time to absorb the situation and you will bounce back. Reg your pregnancy - it’s a very personal choice. Do what is right for you! You are a great mom and wife! God bless!, Make the decision that’s best for you, financially and for your own mental health. However, I will say as an autistic adult looking back, my siblings were my best friends and biggest support system. Not saying you should have another kid as like an offering to your current one lol, and can’t guarantee they’d get along, but it certainly helped me through school, health issues, social situations, development, and general isolation from my peers, among other stuff. It would certainly create more work and complicate things in many ways, but they may also be able to lean on each other and navigate stuff together. Do what you feel is right and trust your gut, but don’t feel obligated for the sake of your kid as it’s impossible to know what will be best ultimately. My two cents anyways!, Take one step at a time. We are rooting for you! Take care of yourself as well. What will come will come. Just try your best and call it a day. You can only do so much. Took me 4-5month to get aba therapy. The waitlist is so long. 2 years waitlist for official autism dx. Life moves on. You do your best and enjoy the small wins. Get massage get your parents to help baby so yo can rest a few days, We got the diagnosis for my 3 year old when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I worried about how it would all shake out, and while it was hard to line up all the therapies and get him going with new routines and such, I don’t regret giving him a baby sister. He loves reading his Big Brother book and tickling her feet. I really think having a sibling is a good thing for him. These things always seem overwhelming in the beginning but in a year or two a lot of those trials could be ironed out. Just my two cents., You do what you need to do to care for yourself and your child. However you deal with this moving forward will all work out and I wish you peace in the journey ahead., Consider this: There is no perfect time for any kind of medical diagnosis and there is no perfect time to begin a journey for self-development like grad school, a new career, or starting a business. Some times may be better than others. But I'm just over 3 years into my own journey of juggling career and autism parenting. And here is what I have come to realize: Just go through with your plans and see how things pan out. You can tweak along the way depending on how the chips land. You can scale back a little, go slower, or withdraw altogether if you become too overwhelmed. You never know; you might find additional support in unexpected places. Or you might have no additional support at all. You'll figure it out. But don't put your plans on hold for imagined potential outcomes; at least half of which will not even come into fruition. But during that time, be kind and merciful to yourself. Listen to your body and your heart and what they are telling you you need to stay strong during this parenting journey., I want to first express my empathy for the challenges you're facing. It's clear from your post that you're going through a lot right now, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and alone. I also want to acknowledge the strength it took for you to seek out help for your child and to persist despite the doubts and skepticism you faced. Your instincts as a parent are invaluable, and it's commendable that you've advocated for your child's needs. Navigating the diagnosis and treatment plan for a child with autism can indeed be overwhelming, especially when it involves coordinating multiple therapies and appointments. It's important to remember to take things one step at a time and to prioritize your child's well-being while seeking support from professionals and other parents who may be going through similar experiences. Regarding your recent positive pregnancy tests, I can only imagine how shocking and distressing that news must have been, particularly given the current circumstances. It's clear that you're considering all factors carefully, including the well-being of your existing child and your own ability to manage additional responsibilities. Ultimately, the decision about what to do next is deeply personal, and it's important to take the time to consider your own mental and emotional health. Whatever decision you make, know that there are resources available to support you, both practically and emotionally. Please remember to be kind to yourself during this difficult time and to reach out for support if you need it. You're not alone, and there are people who are here to help you through this journey., First of all - kudos to you to keep fighting for the right thing and getting the diagnosis confirmed. You are on the right path and now that you have the diagnosis it opens up the door for so many accommodations and school programs for your kid. Reg your school - I won’t lie it will be tough but you got to do what you got to do. Take time to absorb the situation and you will bounce back. Reg your pregnancy - it’s a very personal choice. Do what is right for you! You are a great mom and wife! God bless!, Make the decision that’s best for you, financially and for your own mental health. However, I will say as an autistic adult looking back, my siblings were my best friends and biggest support system. Not saying you should have another kid as like an offering to your current one lol, and can’t guarantee they’d get along, but it certainly helped me through school, health issues, social situations, development, and general isolation from my peers, among other stuff. It would certainly create more work and complicate things in many ways, but they may also be able to lean on each other and navigate stuff together. Do what you feel is right and trust your gut, but don’t feel obligated for the sake of your kid as it’s impossible to know what will be best ultimately. My two cents anyways!, Take one step at a time. We are rooting for you! Take care of yourself as well. What will come will come. Just try your best and call it a day. You can only do so much. Took me 4-5month to get aba therapy. The waitlist is so long. 2 years waitlist for official autism dx. Life moves on. You do your best and enjoy the small wins. Get massage get your parents to help baby so yo can rest a few days, We got the diagnosis for my 3 year old when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I worried about how it would all shake out, and while it was hard to line up all the therapies and get him going with new routines and such, I don’t regret giving him a baby sister. He loves reading his Big Brother book and tickling her feet. I really think having a sibling is a good thing for him. These things always seem overwhelming in the beginning but in a year or two a lot of those trials could be ironed out. Just my two cents., You do what you need to do to care for yourself and your child. However you deal with this moving forward will all work out and I wish you peace in the journey ahead., Consider this: There is no perfect time for any kind of medical diagnosis and there is no perfect time to begin a journey for self-development like grad school, a new career, or starting a business. Some times may be better than others. But I'm just over 3 years into my own journey of juggling career and autism parenting. And here is what I have come to realize: Just go through with your plans and see how things pan out. You can tweak along the way depending on how the chips land. You can scale back a little, go slower, or withdraw altogether if you become too overwhelmed. You never know; you might find additional support in unexpected places. Or you might have no additional support at all. You'll figure it out. But don't put your plans on hold for imagined potential outcomes; at least half of which will not even come into fruition. But during that time, be kind and merciful to yourself. Listen to your body and your heart and what they are telling you you need to stay strong during this parenting journey., I want to first express my empathy for the challenges you're facing. It's clear from your post that you're going through a lot right now, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and alone. I also want to acknowledge the strength it took for you to seek out help for your child and to persist despite the doubts and skepticism you faced. Your instincts as a parent are invaluable, and it's commendable that you've advocated for your child's needs. Navigating the diagnosis and treatment plan for a child with autism can indeed be overwhelming, especially when it involves coordinating multiple therapies and appointments. It's important to remember to take things one step at a time and to prioritize your child's well-being while seeking support from professionals and other parents who may be going through similar experiences. Regarding your recent positive pregnancy tests, I can only imagine how shocking and distressing that news must have been, particularly given the current circumstances. It's clear that you're considering all factors carefully, including the well-being of your existing child and your own ability to manage additional responsibilities. Ultimately, the decision about what to do next is deeply personal, and it's important to take the time to consider your own mental and emotional health. Whatever decision you make, know that there are resources available to support you, both practically and emotionally. Please remember to be kind to yourself during this difficult time and to reach out for support if you need it. You're not alone, and there are people who are here to help you through this journey., First of all - kudos to you to keep fighting for the right thing and getting the diagnosis confirmed. You are on the right path and now that you have the diagnosis it opens up the door for so many accommodations and school programs for your kid. Reg your school - I won’t lie it will be tough but you got to do what you got to do. Take time to absorb the situation and you will bounce back. Reg your pregnancy - it’s a very personal choice. Do what is right for you! You are a great mom and wife! God bless!, Make the decision that’s best for you, financially and for your own mental health. However, I will say as an autistic adult looking back, my siblings were my best friends and biggest support system. Not saying you should have another kid as like an offering to your current one lol, and can’t guarantee they’d get along, but it certainly helped me through school, health issues, social situations, development, and general isolation from my peers, among other stuff. It would certainly create more work and complicate things in many ways, but they may also be able to lean on each other and navigate stuff together. Do what you feel is right and trust your gut, but don’t feel obligated for the sake of your kid as it’s impossible to know what will be best ultimately. My two cents anyways!, Take one step at a time. We are rooting for you! Take care of yourself as well. What will come will come. Just try your best and call it a day. You can only do so much. Took me 4-5month to get aba therapy. The waitlist is so long. 2 years waitlist for official autism dx. Life moves on. You do your best and enjoy the small wins. Get massage get your parents to help baby so yo can rest a few days, We got the diagnosis for my 3 year old when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I worried about how it would all shake out, and while it was hard to line up all the therapies and get him going with new routines and such, I don’t regret giving him a baby sister. He loves reading his Big Brother book and tickling her feet. I really think having a sibling is a good thing for him. These things always seem overwhelming in the beginning but in a year or two a lot of those trials could be ironed out. Just my two cents.

Developmental delay or autism in a 12 month old?

My kid turned 1 today. And I can honestly say I haven’t felt this much fulfillment in my life until I had her. She’s the absolute love of my life. But on the other hand, if I’m being completely honest, I’m just very very sad as of lately due to her delays (mainly social and communication). And I feel extremely guilty about it. My daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy when she was 7 months and ever since then I have been agonizing over her milestones and development. Thankfully, her seizures are under control with medication and for the most part she’s been developing da there typically until a couple of months ago when I began to notice that she was having a hard time mimicking us, gesturing and she had yet to say any meaningful words other than babbling. I had her assessed by Early Intervention (I live in the states) and my fears were confirmed but on the bright side she qualifies for therapy services that will hopefully begin soon. Until then I hired a private speech therapist that works with her once a week and coaches us in how to play with her and interact with her to promote her further development. And it has been helping, she’s making progress and I could be happier. I should also mention that during Early Intervention assessment, I don’t think I accurately answered a lot of their questions about my kids development which may have skewed their assessment and since then she has picked up a few of those milestones but I’m still not sure if she’s as delayed as they said she is. Her pediatrician (who I trust very much, she’s highly competent) on the other hand hasn’t been super worried about her development and when I spoke about my daughter’s deficits she made it seem like those really aren’t that big of a deal because she’s way too young and she typically doesn’t get concerned about those things until the baby is way passed 12 months. The deficits being that my daughter is speech delayed, she hasn’t said a single meaningful word yet and she doesn’t point or wave hello/good bye. So I made a comprehensive list of things that my daughter does do and things she struggles with. Could any one of you provide any insight based on this list of things she does and doesn’t if you feel like my daughter is profoundly delayed? I could really use some peace of mind right now. And are these deficits indicative of a larger development disorder (autism, adhd, etc.)? Deficits: - [ ] Not a huge range of babbling using different sounds (dada, mama, nana, gaga, vava) - [ ] Respond to name maybe 75% of the time but on the 3rd try she responds - [ ] Lack of gestures (no waving and no pointing, doesn’t raise hands to be picked up, doesn’t shake her head no/yes despite our efforts to model) - [ ] Doesn’t bring me toys to look at - [ ] No words - [ ] Not following my finger or my gaze when I point into the distance or across the room - [ ] Stimming and hand posturing - [ ] Just started to make attempts at imitating sounds - [ ] Can be difficult to get her to imitate us but has improved. - [ ] The need to rub her face on every surface or thing she come in contact with Things she is doing (read the list to pediatrician and ask for opinion): - [ ] claps, throws her arms up-down when she hears the song wheels on the bus, “people go up and down” - [ ] Plays peekaboo - [ ] Getting better at imitating actions and sounds - [ ] Strong eye contact and engagement - [ ] Very engaged with her therapist and makes attempts at mimicking her actions and sounds, such as k and g sounds, knocking etc. - [ ] Smiles at everyone - [ ] Can identify several of her toys and things by picking them up, looking at them when I ask where is such and such or crawling towards the object (police car, fire truck, teapot, teacup, Elmo, our cat Thomas, her doll lialia, hedgehog, elephant, milk in a bottle, mamas phone, etc.) - [ ] Understands certain commands such as: sit up, stand up, put it in, give it to me, take it, clap, up (for hands up). - [ ] Signs more but not convinced she understands what more is - [ ] Excellent pincer grasp (can pick up a very thin string with in a single attempt) - [ ] Made a few attempts at bye-bye hand gestures when I leave for work and say bye bye - [ ] Tries to stack blocks but doesn’t have good aim or precision yet - [ ] Puts her hand to mine when I say high five - [ ] Puts objects in the bucket and wooden box and tea cup all the time - [ ] Answers to her name 75% of the time when I call by either turning around or vocalizing a sound - [ ] Babbles baba, dada, mama, vava, Gaga, makes k approximation - [ ] Maybe saying no (nananana) when doesn’t like something - [ ] Definitely understands no and stop (the word stop and sign stop) - [ ] Bends down to pick up a toy from the floor and returns to standing position - [ ] Lowers herself without flopping into sitting position from standing up - [ ] Cruises, walks besides furniture - [ ] Climbs on top of pillows which I leave on the floor of the playpen to try to reach for objects on the shelf like my phone, her bottle, toys etc. - [ ] Takes several steps when I hold her both of her hands just for balance - [ ] Picks up small objects in one attempts using her thumb and index finger - [ ] Turns pages of a book - [ ] Rolls the ball with intention - [ ] Claps toys together - [ ] Looks for objects when I hide them - [ ] Plays find a ball when I hide them under two identical cups switch them around in position, she flips the correct cup in attempt to it. - [ ] When I ask her to hand me a toy by saying “give it to me” she reluctantly lets go of the object but more so just throws it on the floor rather than just handing it to me - [ ] Pushes arms through sleeves when I start them in holes of a shirt. - [ ] When we point to something that is in her peripheral, she does look, but if I point to something in the distance or across the room and say look, she will not turn and look unless I say look it’s Thomas and if she feels like looking, she’ll look because she knows it’s Thomas our cat and she knows that Thomas’s is our cats name. - [ ] She will also initiate “conversation”by trying to make a sound and wait for me to make that same sound as to mimic her and then we go back-and-forth and making the same sound. - [ ] If there is a stranger in the room and she’s meeting for the first time she acts apprehensive and will try to look at us as to gauge our reaction to see if the situation is safe so to speak - [ ] There was only one time where she handed my mother a toy when they were playing, and that was kind of a big deal for us. - [ ] She made several attempts at waving hello and waving goodbye, but there’s no way she does it consistently despite the fact that we’ve been trying to model it for a couple of months I feel like now - [ ] I’ve never seen repetitive play or her getting “stuck while playing” - [ ] Her therapist says that she doesn’t see any signs of autism right now because she’s too young. - [ ] She doesn’t seem to have an any sensory issues from what I understand, no aversions to different food textures, tastes, etc. no sleep issues either. - [ ] Started to feed herself. - creeps on her fours Thank you - sincerely, sad first time mom 😔

You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation., You qualified for early intervention presumably because your child has delays of 25% or more in at least 2 areas. I didn’t read your entire post but it does sound like your child has a global developmental delay. A global developmental delay is almost always caused by something else (Down syndrome, fragile X, ASD, birth injury etc). You are on the right track with early intervention. I would also get on the waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician, psychologist etc for an ASD evaluation.

Developmental pediatrician cost

My son has been on a waitlist for over a year to be evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. We finally have an appointment at the end of the month, however, insurance is not covering any of the costs. Anyone have any idea to help me even gauge the possible expected cost? The clinic is not giving me any ballpark until he’s seen, and insurance is not helpful. For more details, we have Aetna’a innovation health insurance and we are scheduled for VCU child development clinic in Richmond, VA.

I’m the next state down from you. I go to a private clinic for speech and OT and they have a dev ped on staff who does not take insurance and we were told it would be $600/visit. The OT thought we would pay less at a practice that took insurance so we went through the major hospital network. It was 2 visits. First was an ADOS2 with a SLP. My insurance EOB says they charged $870 and since I have a HDHP we paid the negotiated rate of $670. We haven’t received the EOB for the actual dev ped yet, but based on MyChart it looks like they submitted $1500 to insurance for that visit. We have hit deductible now and are almost at out of pocket max so we won’t actually pay that., You can ask for the billing codes from the center and call your insurance directly to get a price., Is insurance not covering because they aren’t covered services, or because you haven’t reached your deductible?, This is the developmental pediatrician we saw in NoVA. She only takes BCBS/Anthem BCBS and Tricare. Her out of pocket prices are listed on the linked page. Might be a trek for you if you're in RVA, but should give you an idea on pricing. https://www.drsusanpratt.com/appointments, Thank you! This is helpful., Thank you! I’ve been trying this. Insurance is saying to call clinic back and ask vice versa. It’s been a mess. The clinic director finally answered me and said they wouldn’t know for sure until he has a diagnosis code after he’s been seen. It just seems so backwards., Apparently they are not covering because it’s o it of network and my insurance has no out of network benefits… but there isn’t one in network either., Thank you!, Seems really weird to need a diagnosis code in order to tell you how much they’re charging because that is given after an assessment/ service provided. I would imagine the assessment is the same regardless of what diagnosis you’re given ( I work in healthcare). I typically bill based on type of service rendered (initial vs follow up) and length of time spent, not based off of diagnosis given., I’m the next state down from you. I go to a private clinic for speech and OT and they have a dev ped on staff who does not take insurance and we were told it would be $600/visit. The OT thought we would pay less at a practice that took insurance so we went through the major hospital network. It was 2 visits. First was an ADOS2 with a SLP. My insurance EOB says they charged $870 and since I have a HDHP we paid the negotiated rate of $670. We haven’t received the EOB for the actual dev ped yet, but based on MyChart it looks like they submitted $1500 to insurance for that visit. We have hit deductible now and are almost at out of pocket max so we won’t actually pay that., You can ask for the billing codes from the center and call your insurance directly to get a price., Is insurance not covering because they aren’t covered services, or because you haven’t reached your deductible?, This is the developmental pediatrician we saw in NoVA. She only takes BCBS/Anthem BCBS and Tricare. Her out of pocket prices are listed on the linked page. Might be a trek for you if you're in RVA, but should give you an idea on pricing. https://www.drsusanpratt.com/appointments, Thank you! This is helpful., Thank you! I’ve been trying this. Insurance is saying to call clinic back and ask vice versa. It’s been a mess. The clinic director finally answered me and said they wouldn’t know for sure until he has a diagnosis code after he’s been seen. It just seems so backwards., Apparently they are not covering because it’s o it of network and my insurance has no out of network benefits… but there isn’t one in network either., Thank you!, Seems really weird to need a diagnosis code in order to tell you how much they’re charging because that is given after an assessment/ service provided. I would imagine the assessment is the same regardless of what diagnosis you’re given ( I work in healthcare). I typically bill based on type of service rendered (initial vs follow up) and length of time spent, not based off of diagnosis given., I’m the next state down from you. I go to a private clinic for speech and OT and they have a dev ped on staff who does not take insurance and we were told it would be $600/visit. The OT thought we would pay less at a practice that took insurance so we went through the major hospital network. It was 2 visits. First was an ADOS2 with a SLP. My insurance EOB says they charged $870 and since I have a HDHP we paid the negotiated rate of $670. We haven’t received the EOB for the actual dev ped yet, but based on MyChart it looks like they submitted $1500 to insurance for that visit. We have hit deductible now and are almost at out of pocket max so we won’t actually pay that., You can ask for the billing codes from the center and call your insurance directly to get a price., Is insurance not covering because they aren’t covered services, or because you haven’t reached your deductible?, This is the developmental pediatrician we saw in NoVA. She only takes BCBS/Anthem BCBS and Tricare. Her out of pocket prices are listed on the linked page. Might be a trek for you if you're in RVA, but should give you an idea on pricing. https://www.drsusanpratt.com/appointments, Thank you! This is helpful., Thank you! I’ve been trying this. Insurance is saying to call clinic back and ask vice versa. It’s been a mess. The clinic director finally answered me and said they wouldn’t know for sure until he has a diagnosis code after he’s been seen. It just seems so backwards., Apparently they are not covering because it’s o it of network and my insurance has no out of network benefits… but there isn’t one in network either., Thank you!, Seems really weird to need a diagnosis code in order to tell you how much they’re charging because that is given after an assessment/ service provided. I would imagine the assessment is the same regardless of what diagnosis you’re given ( I work in healthcare). I typically bill based on type of service rendered (initial vs follow up) and length of time spent, not based off of diagnosis given., I’m the next state down from you. I go to a private clinic for speech and OT and they have a dev ped on staff who does not take insurance and we were told it would be $600/visit. The OT thought we would pay less at a practice that took insurance so we went through the major hospital network. It was 2 visits. First was an ADOS2 with a SLP. My insurance EOB says they charged $870 and since I have a HDHP we paid the negotiated rate of $670. We haven’t received the EOB for the actual dev ped yet, but based on MyChart it looks like they submitted $1500 to insurance for that visit. We have hit deductible now and are almost at out of pocket max so we won’t actually pay that., You can ask for the billing codes from the center and call your insurance directly to get a price., Is insurance not covering because they aren’t covered services, or because you haven’t reached your deductible?, This is the developmental pediatrician we saw in NoVA. She only takes BCBS/Anthem BCBS and Tricare. Her out of pocket prices are listed on the linked page. Might be a trek for you if you're in RVA, but should give you an idea on pricing. https://www.drsusanpratt.com/appointments, Thank you! This is helpful., Thank you! I’ve been trying this. Insurance is saying to call clinic back and ask vice versa. It’s been a mess. The clinic director finally answered me and said they wouldn’t know for sure until he has a diagnosis code after he’s been seen. It just seems so backwards., Apparently they are not covering because it’s o it of network and my insurance has no out of network benefits… but there isn’t one in network either., Thank you!, Seems really weird to need a diagnosis code in order to tell you how much they’re charging because that is given after an assessment/ service provided. I would imagine the assessment is the same regardless of what diagnosis you’re given ( I work in healthcare). I typically bill based on type of service rendered (initial vs follow up) and length of time spent, not based off of diagnosis given.

Diagnosis

So I had a meeting with my daughters school counselor, speech therapist, and a child psychologist. I was voicing my concerns that maybe my child might have ADHD or something. But the speech therapist said she could have autism because of her behavior. How can they be for sure she has autism? Also if she does get diagnosed will she be put in special ed? She’s a normal child just doesn’t talk as much as the other kids her age. She’s 4 and just started preK.

She will not automatically be put in Sped. Was this an IEP meeting? Or are you planning to ask for an evaluation? School diagnosis does not equal a medical diagnosis btw. I found this resource really helpful when we started out: https://autisticadvocacy.org/book/start-here/, The educational setting is siloed. A medical diagnosis is what you should pursue. The school doesn't care about that though. They do their own assessment and "diagnosis", which likewise is good nowhere but in school. A medical diagnosis opens the door to getting supports and aid for your child. >Also if she does get diagnosed will she be put in special ed? No, the school would not automatically put her in sped. In fact it usually goes the other way. Many of us in here have had to fight school districts for more support. They'd rather mainstream her and do nothing. That's cheaper. The goal is to have her in the least restrictive environment. >How can they be for sure she has autism? They aren't sure. But they likely have a lot more experience dealing with autistic children than you do, and if they're good at their jobs they'll push you for an assessment even if you resist. Too many parents go through denial (or sadly as you know some just don't care) and avoid it to the detriment of their child. There's no shortage of people who didn't get diagnosed until adulthood and wish their parents did more as children. >She’s a normal child just doesn’t talk as much as the other kids her age. You could be missing signs or in denial about them. ASD is diagnosed based is social/communication deficits and repetitive/rigid behavior. You've already confirmed communication deficits, and the therapist thinks they're saying behavioral ones. It's not a bad thing to get diagnosed, and avoiding it doesn't make it go away. Bite the bullet and get an assessment., I would recommend an IEP to help accommodate her in prek. She may at least qualify under developmental delay in speech/communication. They may be able to get her extra speech therapy and possibly time with a special education teacher under the IEP. This could all be while staying in her mainstream prek. If you get a medical diagnosis you may have more access to insurance benefits for speech therapy and occupational therapy. If you’re seeing signs of hyperactivity or inattention, sometimes there can be a sensory related factor that OT can help with., Special Education is a service or suite of services, not a place. There are a wide range of services available through Special Education - maybe your daughter would be best placed in a Gen Ed classroom with some speech and OT, or maybe she could benefit best from a more dedicated classroom. And, maybe her needs will change over time. The evaluation process is likely to be pretty thorough and you'd probably want to pursue both an educational and a medical diagnosis for either ADHD or Autism (or maybe both). But getting an educational eval/assessment/diagnosis and setting her up with an IEP early, and educating yourself with the IEP process early, could 100% be one of the best things you could do to advocate and support her. I know it's overwhelming - everyone here knows that deeply. But you've got this. <3, They will be evaluating her. I want to know if she does have something or not. And thank you for that link, It was not an IEP meeting it was just to voice my concerns to see if she needs evaluation., Thank you for this. I’ll definitely be telling her pediatrician for an evaluation., Thank you 🙏

Diagnosis

Trying to get a diagnosis for our 11 year old boy. We suspect high functioning He is like 2 different people. The school boy, good as gold. The child at home, the complete opposite. Once he fixates on something he is like a broken record. Absolute meltdowns. His schools have no idea as he masks it so well. Have tried self referrals to cahms with no joy, tried GPS that are just not interested. Can’t afford to go private. But what can we do? Edit: FYI we are in England

I don't have any advice for what your next step is but it's not unusual to have a kiddo like this, from all my reading. My kid is the same. I've actually gotten a call from school telling me how respectful he us, calling him an angel. I had to double check they were, in fact, calling about MY son. Everywhere I tried to get help didn't believe me. I would try to explain he had hour longs meltdown, banging his head, destroying things, kicking, etc. "Are you sure?" They'd say. Really? Like I'm not sure. Finally, I started recording a few of the tantrums/meltdowns and showed the doctors and they were stunned. It was then I got some actual feedback. Also, we made the tough decision to start medication for his aggression and emotional dysregulation even though he was such an angel at school., hi, just wanted to say you are not alone. I'm in the UK also, with a 9yo girl we are trying to get SENCO to observe in the school. Trouble is it's exactly the same story as you. she is a perfect model pupil at school, one of the best they have apparently. But once home, all hell breaks loose. Full on meltdowns over the most basic of things, stomping, slamming doors, repeatedly knocking her head against a wall, punching herself in the legs, screaming that she hates her life is the new one. It's tiring, and we're at breaking point, but we have to just keep on pushing for referrals, what else can we do?

Did anyone notice a change in sleep? My granddaughter is 15 months and she is almost going through a regression. Going to bed very late and getting up at 4-5 every morning

I remember there being a huge sleep regression at 15 months!!!, Autism sleep issues usually begin around age 2., She has been a pretty good sleeper up to this point . She has had some regressions before 4 mo and 10 mo but this one is really sticking around, Sleep problems are very common in toddlers, and especially so in neurodivergent toddlers. There’s no magical fix, but there are many techniques which may or may not help. Firstly ensure they have a solid bedtime routine, minimise screen time, exposure to light and loud noises, etc. Medically, depending on where you live, your options will likely be antihistamines which can cause drowsiness (typically Promethazine), or melatonin, neither of which are guaranteed to work and have a some potentially serious side effects. Often it is something that will improve over time. My son used to routinely only get 4/5 hours of sleep a night, a year later and he’s closer to 10 hours a night. It was rough, and to be honest I still feel the exhaustion from dealing with it, but it has improved., Really? So we aren’t crazy, We are in the US. Her sleep has been over her life time a rollercoaster but lately has been pretty good but recently has gotten bad. My daughter bless her heart is exhausted . My granddaughter hasn’t been diagnosed with autism but we are seeing signs that’s why I am asking here if this is common with children possibly on the spectrum or are autistic. She sleeps in a sleep sack and has a fan running for the sound I told her maybe she is either too hot or cold or maybe the fan is too loud for her as she has gotten older, no you’re not lol! yeah that regression was the worst for us, it lasted so long too so hang in there <3

Did preschool help your non verbal toddler? I'm on the fence.

Just would like some experience stories! I always said I wouldn't send my kids to school until they can talk. It seems I don't have a choice...

My son just turned 3 back in March. We’ve had him in a 2s program for 8 months or so and he was completely nonverbal when he started. Now he’s starting to whisper his ABCs, imitate some sound and actions and is saying some words with inconsistently. Sounds like it’s hesitation and without confidence. That being said, I think just throwing him into school is a great thing. It gets him or her used to interacting with other kids and if you are able to add in some ABA, speech and OT on top of it, we’ve seen tremendous strides in the past year. We just got his IEP and he’s approved for 3x more speech next year so hoping it’ll get him even more on par with his classmates. Hope this helps best of luck!, Not with talking he's 9 and still nonverbal, but it was very good at getting him ready for a school environment. It really helped with eloping a lot., Yes, without a doubt. But transitional meltdowns were hard., My ASD 3 Non-Verbal Little guy does Full-Time Clinic based ABA & Speech Therapy. We like that he has a 1 on 1 Para & he is up to 13 words and some ASL from none in 3 months. We will keep him in this for 3 more years and then determine if conventional school is the right fight or custom curated special needs program., It's been huge for us. My son started Pre-K the day after his third birthday and didn't say more than a handful of preferred words at the time, other than that it was purely scripting and babbling. He's 5 now and in his third year in the program and he's semi-conversational, rarely stops talking in fact. He's had the same SLP for 3 years running and he ADORES her and we think that's had a huge impact on his speech progress., My kid is semi-verbal. He has these astounding moments of clarity, but mostly grunts/hums or parrots. We never put him through ABA. He did two years of pre-school, then transferred to a regular elementary for kindergarten + life skills (OT, PT, Speech). He is now in 2nd grade. I think the regular social environment has been really good for him. He has learned how to do all sorts of things by watching peer models. He loves doing what the older kids are doing. We don't regret the path we took with him. We expected it to be difficult no matter what we chose., My son was 3 when he started daycare/preschool. He wasn’t nonverbal but was significantly behind and had a big language delay. His start did coincide with a big language development, and while parts of it were definitely overwhelming for him (no dx at the time) he also definitely benefited from watching social interactions and began mirroring social play that the NT kids were doing., My son 2.5yo (not formally diagnosed ASD) has been at nursery since he was 1. When he was 2 nursery asked me if he spoke at home. I said odd words but we’re not getting full sentences or two words together yet except ‘yes please.’ Apparently he says nothing at nursery and doesn’t join in rhyme time (back in November). The other week the teacher told me that he stood at the back of the class during song time and he started to join in a little but not much. At home he sings full nursery rhymes himself but isn’t great with talking for his wants/needs verbally (getting better). It’s difficult to say whether nursery will bring them on with speech as I think nursery might just be a bit all consuming/overwhelming for my son. I don’t have any regrets sending him so little but I am questioning whether it’s the right nursery for him., Yes, 100%! My daughter is still pre-verbal but she now sounds out most words and tries to pronounce them in a very baby talk way. For the first time ever I’m really confident she will communicate one day, she seems to really be connecting the dots lately. She also learned how to dance with the group, claps her hands / stomps her feet to “if you’re happy and you know it” and finally enjoys group play after year 2 of preschool. It’s been awesome for her socially she loves it!, It didn't but we enrolled him in the school district to start speech and OT sooner than later because he was on wait lists for those at the time. So we got him IEP tested and he had 1 month of prek before summer break and then he started Kinder. It was 100% better to have that IEP on place before kinder, that's for sure., Not preschool, but my son has started clubs! We started an AAC book club at Children’s hospital a month ago and he’s been a parrot since then! He was completely nonverbal a few months ago and is now saying phrases and repeating us. I feel like the one on one is so helpful! There are 2 therapists and 4 kids in the group. If you look into some groups even at small clinics they usually are around $100-$150 or help provide grants for the kids!, Preschool helped my 4.5 yo. He is in year 2 of an integrated program and will stay in it for another year (due to DOB he can’t start kindergarten yet). It has helped him more than I could have imagined. Before he was basically parroting abcs numbers etc. now he makes choices on lunch, listens when we call his name ( most of the time lol), frequently speaks in gestalts with some full & spontaneous sentences. He does whisper to himself before speaking. I think that is him practicing the sentences before committing. Sometimes I can hear a word that’s wrong and he will say it a couple times then the sentence again, when he’s happy with it he will use normal volume. We also get him speech and occupational therapy once a week on top of school. I do have to say I think the teachers have a lot to do with his progress as well. We had a WONDERFUL teacher year 1 and partly into year 2. Mid this year the teacher changed and that caused a pause in progress. He is adjusting slowly though. In my opinion it was worth it., Yes started at 2s program. Within a week he was running to get into the building and get school started., I sent my daughter to a special needs preschool/kindergarten. When my daughter started school, she was 3 and nonverbal. She screamed at any and everything- routine disruption or change, diaper changes etc. Now she is preverbal at almost 7 and way more flexible. Putting her in therapy and preschool was the best thing we ever did for her. **edit- we send her to school from 8:00-2:45 and until 12:30 on Fridays. If I’m honest, I personally feel that’s too much for my daughter, but the school she goes to stipulates that these are the hours. Regardless, we’re very happy with my daughter’s progress and she’s happy to be there., I would just keep in mind that talking is not the only way to communicate. Being social has helped my son accumulate a few more words but he is still non verbal. Accepting that he communicates best in ways that are apart from speaking has taken the stress of waiting for something that may never happen., Oh yea, I wish I put my kid in school sooner. I held him in an aba center till he was 6 and had to start kindergarten, wish I just put him in school. Schools are federally regulated and have rules to Follow, private aba centers and schools don’t and in my experience that breeds laziness and or money hungry people who are not in your child’s best interest., My daughter isn’t nonverbal but she did have delays in speech and other areas. Preschool in an EI class was great for her. She got all of her therapies, social skills groups, etc and she enjoyed it (she’s not so big on school these days, but teenagers are like that)., If you can, I recommend looking for a co-op preschool. They tend to be less expensive and include parenting class and involvement. The one we chose for our kids was only 2 or 3 half days, and the parents were required to help out in the class at least once a week. This meant the adult to child ratio was 1 to every 4 kids. It really went a long way for giving our kids a framework for how to be in the routine of a school day without any academic requirements and plenty of play based learning., Pre k has been amazing for my guy. He would say 3 words and only in dire circumstances when he started and we were just starting to get him to point at what he wanted. He's now sitting in the kitchen talking nonstop to the game he's playing on his tablet at 5. He's a totally new kid. We still have meltdowns, outbursts, and challenges, but we are leaps and bounds ahead of where we started. He's happy to be able to express himself, he has friends, and he has fun., Yes it did, My 20 word 3 yo started trying to imitate sounds 2 months after starting pre-k in the special Ed room at public school. Within 4 months he was saying a new word everyday and now a year later his teacher thinks he has MORE words than is normal for his age and that he will be able to go to regular pre-k next year! YMMV ofc but I think he just really needed to be around more people who didn't know what he needed by body language alone. They also are professionals who know more about this stage and disorder than I do and have done wonders. I was really worried too about him not being able to tell me if anything bad happened, but sometimes we have to let go so that the "village" can step in. Nothing in life is 100% safe unfortunately. We parents are not meant to be everything to our children in terms of learning and experiences, imo and thats where public education steps in for me bc I don't have family or a grassroots community to fall back on., At 3 he wasn’t quite ready emotionally and I couldn’t justify sending him with how upset he’d get. He was pre verbal, non conversational. We tried again the following year (started last month) and he is a ROCKSTAR he loves school. He is still minimally conversational but 3.5-4.5 he naturally had some big leaps in his language/communication and Pre school has significantly accelerated that. I was really worried about how it would go but he’s kicking butt!!!!!, The nonverbal kid was my kid’s friend. , My son started preschool last year at 3 and was non verbal at the time. He’s made a lot of progress and is now talking in sentences but is not conversational yet. He also seems to really like school and is happy when we drop him off so it’s been a positive experience for us., Yes! ECSE has been great for our 4 year old. He did half days when he was 3 and has been doing full days this year. He went from being non verbal, to pre verbal. He is now mimicking what we say and is starting to communicate on his own., [deleted], Yes the school is integrated with all of the therapy! I know it will be good for him. He just makes nois3s and out of the blue will say a word. He only does it when it's quiet or he's alone. Its like he is teaching HIMSELF how to talk I swear, My son has the BIGGEST transitional meltdowns. He just started preschool 2 weeks ago. Do you have any advice?, That's great. You should be so proud. What level and age is he?, Yayyy I love these kind of stories. My 3 year old has a voice but barely words. Starting integrated preschool and speach therapy soon, Yes I think this is the right time. He has been more vocal and vowels sometimes says ball. This is a good time, He isndoing ok. I have him in half day daycare 2 days a week to prepare for integrated preschool. It took forever foe him to adjust. But he is doing good now, Sounds like my little guy! They will go at their own pace but I figure I’ll try to get him as much therapy and put him in the best environment to encourage him to communicate while he’s young. Next year he’ll be in an integrated class with both NT and ND kids so I think it’ll further get him more comfortable and teach him the nuances of things like sharing, organized activities, etc. I’d say go with what you are most comfortable with. That being said, you can always try it out and if he’s not responding well, you can search out other options, etc, Have you looked into “gestalt language learning “? It kind of reminds me of that. Even as an autistic adult, I often practice speaking and saying words., Ours did those daily, multiple times a day, from 3-4. From 4-5 they started to lessen, and he barely ever gets them at 6. We went through several OTs, and nothing they/we tried made a difference. I think it's developmental and they just have to get past that stage., He is Level 3 and will be 3 this month, I hope you have a great experience! I'm literally terrified about the transition to kindergarten next year because he's doing so well with his current routine., Yup. I'm excited. It is half ND half nt. He's going to get the best of both worlds. I think putting him somewhere and getting him use to it will be a tremendous difference at a young age. He needs to learn to cope without me. Mom won't always be here. Everyone babies him too. He's the youngest. We have to work on that lol, Thanks for the reply. That sounds so hard. I’m on the waiting list for core services like OT, speech therapy, ABA etc. Our insurance sucks. Hopefully something will help because his anxiety is extreme., Fingers crossed on your behalf. :-( Anecdotally, I think we got better results with carting him around to individual STs/OTs vs. ABA (admittedly he was in the latter only for a month, after that we couldn't make schedules work.)., My son just turned 3 back in March. We’ve had him in a 2s program for 8 months or so and he was completely nonverbal when he started. Now he’s starting to whisper his ABCs, imitate some sound and actions and is saying some words with inconsistently. Sounds like it’s hesitation and without confidence. That being said, I think just throwing him into school is a great thing. It gets him or her used to interacting with other kids and if you are able to add in some ABA, speech and OT on top of it, we’ve seen tremendous strides in the past year. We just got his IEP and he’s approved for 3x more speech next year so hoping it’ll get him even more on par with his classmates. Hope this helps best of luck!, Not with talking he's 9 and still nonverbal, but it was very good at getting him ready for a school environment. It really helped with eloping a lot., Yes, without a doubt. But transitional meltdowns were hard., My ASD 3 Non-Verbal Little guy does Full-Time Clinic based ABA & Speech Therapy. We like that he has a 1 on 1 Para & he is up to 13 words and some ASL from none in 3 months. We will keep him in this for 3 more years and then determine if conventional school is the right fight or custom curated special needs program., It's been huge for us. My son started Pre-K the day after his third birthday and didn't say more than a handful of preferred words at the time, other than that it was purely scripting and babbling. He's 5 now and in his third year in the program and he's semi-conversational, rarely stops talking in fact. He's had the same SLP for 3 years running and he ADORES her and we think that's had a huge impact on his speech progress., My kid is semi-verbal. He has these astounding moments of clarity, but mostly grunts/hums or parrots. We never put him through ABA. He did two years of pre-school, then transferred to a regular elementary for kindergarten + life skills (OT, PT, Speech). He is now in 2nd grade. I think the regular social environment has been really good for him. He has learned how to do all sorts of things by watching peer models. He loves doing what the older kids are doing. We don't regret the path we took with him. We expected it to be difficult no matter what we chose., My son was 3 when he started daycare/preschool. He wasn’t nonverbal but was significantly behind and had a big language delay. His start did coincide with a big language development, and while parts of it were definitely overwhelming for him (no dx at the time) he also definitely benefited from watching social interactions and began mirroring social play that the NT kids were doing., My son 2.5yo (not formally diagnosed ASD) has been at nursery since he was 1. When he was 2 nursery asked me if he spoke at home. I said odd words but we’re not getting full sentences or two words together yet except ‘yes please.’ Apparently he says nothing at nursery and doesn’t join in rhyme time (back in November). The other week the teacher told me that he stood at the back of the class during song time and he started to join in a little but not much. At home he sings full nursery rhymes himself but isn’t great with talking for his wants/needs verbally (getting better). It’s difficult to say whether nursery will bring them on with speech as I think nursery might just be a bit all consuming/overwhelming for my son. I don’t have any regrets sending him so little but I am questioning whether it’s the right nursery for him., Yes, 100%! My daughter is still pre-verbal but she now sounds out most words and tries to pronounce them in a very baby talk way. For the first time ever I’m really confident she will communicate one day, she seems to really be connecting the dots lately. She also learned how to dance with the group, claps her hands / stomps her feet to “if you’re happy and you know it” and finally enjoys group play after year 2 of preschool. It’s been awesome for her socially she loves it!, It didn't but we enrolled him in the school district to start speech and OT sooner than later because he was on wait lists for those at the time. So we got him IEP tested and he had 1 month of prek before summer break and then he started Kinder. It was 100% better to have that IEP on place before kinder, that's for sure., Not preschool, but my son has started clubs! We started an AAC book club at Children’s hospital a month ago and he’s been a parrot since then! He was completely nonverbal a few months ago and is now saying phrases and repeating us. I feel like the one on one is so helpful! There are 2 therapists and 4 kids in the group. If you look into some groups even at small clinics they usually are around $100-$150 or help provide grants for the kids!, Preschool helped my 4.5 yo. He is in year 2 of an integrated program and will stay in it for another year (due to DOB he can’t start kindergarten yet). It has helped him more than I could have imagined. Before he was basically parroting abcs numbers etc. now he makes choices on lunch, listens when we call his name ( most of the time lol), frequently speaks in gestalts with some full & spontaneous sentences. He does whisper to himself before speaking. I think that is him practicing the sentences before committing. Sometimes I can hear a word that’s wrong and he will say it a couple times then the sentence again, when he’s happy with it he will use normal volume. We also get him speech and occupational therapy once a week on top of school. I do have to say I think the teachers have a lot to do with his progress as well. We had a WONDERFUL teacher year 1 and partly into year 2. Mid this year the teacher changed and that caused a pause in progress. He is adjusting slowly though. In my opinion it was worth it., Yes started at 2s program. Within a week he was running to get into the building and get school started., I sent my daughter to a special needs preschool/kindergarten. When my daughter started school, she was 3 and nonverbal. She screamed at any and everything- routine disruption or change, diaper changes etc. Now she is preverbal at almost 7 and way more flexible. Putting her in therapy and preschool was the best thing we ever did for her. **edit- we send her to school from 8:00-2:45 and until 12:30 on Fridays. If I’m honest, I personally feel that’s too much for my daughter, but the school she goes to stipulates that these are the hours. Regardless, we’re very happy with my daughter’s progress and she’s happy to be there., I would just keep in mind that talking is not the only way to communicate. Being social has helped my son accumulate a few more words but he is still non verbal. Accepting that he communicates best in ways that are apart from speaking has taken the stress of waiting for something that may never happen., Oh yea, I wish I put my kid in school sooner. I held him in an aba center till he was 6 and had to start kindergarten, wish I just put him in school. Schools are federally regulated and have rules to Follow, private aba centers and schools don’t and in my experience that breeds laziness and or money hungry people who are not in your child’s best interest., My daughter isn’t nonverbal but she did have delays in speech and other areas. Preschool in an EI class was great for her. She got all of her therapies, social skills groups, etc and she enjoyed it (she’s not so big on school these days, but teenagers are like that)., If you can, I recommend looking for a co-op preschool. They tend to be less expensive and include parenting class and involvement. The one we chose for our kids was only 2 or 3 half days, and the parents were required to help out in the class at least once a week. This meant the adult to child ratio was 1 to every 4 kids. It really went a long way for giving our kids a framework for how to be in the routine of a school day without any academic requirements and plenty of play based learning., Pre k has been amazing for my guy. He would say 3 words and only in dire circumstances when he started and we were just starting to get him to point at what he wanted. He's now sitting in the kitchen talking nonstop to the game he's playing on his tablet at 5. He's a totally new kid. We still have meltdowns, outbursts, and challenges, but we are leaps and bounds ahead of where we started. He's happy to be able to express himself, he has friends, and he has fun., Yes it did, My 20 word 3 yo started trying to imitate sounds 2 months after starting pre-k in the special Ed room at public school. Within 4 months he was saying a new word everyday and now a year later his teacher thinks he has MORE words than is normal for his age and that he will be able to go to regular pre-k next year! YMMV ofc but I think he just really needed to be around more people who didn't know what he needed by body language alone. They also are professionals who know more about this stage and disorder than I do and have done wonders. I was really worried too about him not being able to tell me if anything bad happened, but sometimes we have to let go so that the "village" can step in. Nothing in life is 100% safe unfortunately. We parents are not meant to be everything to our children in terms of learning and experiences, imo and thats where public education steps in for me bc I don't have family or a grassroots community to fall back on., At 3 he wasn’t quite ready emotionally and I couldn’t justify sending him with how upset he’d get. He was pre verbal, non conversational. We tried again the following year (started last month) and he is a ROCKSTAR he loves school. He is still minimally conversational but 3.5-4.5 he naturally had some big leaps in his language/communication and Pre school has significantly accelerated that. I was really worried about how it would go but he’s kicking butt!!!!!, The nonverbal kid was my kid’s friend. , My son started preschool last year at 3 and was non verbal at the time. He’s made a lot of progress and is now talking in sentences but is not conversational yet. He also seems to really like school and is happy when we drop him off so it’s been a positive experience for us., Yes! ECSE has been great for our 4 year old. He did half days when he was 3 and has been doing full days this year. He went from being non verbal, to pre verbal. He is now mimicking what we say and is starting to communicate on his own., [deleted], Yes the school is integrated with all of the therapy! I know it will be good for him. He just makes nois3s and out of the blue will say a word. He only does it when it's quiet or he's alone. Its like he is teaching HIMSELF how to talk I swear, My son has the BIGGEST transitional meltdowns. He just started preschool 2 weeks ago. Do you have any advice?, That's great. You should be so proud. What level and age is he?, Yayyy I love these kind of stories. My 3 year old has a voice but barely words. Starting integrated preschool and speach therapy soon, Yes I think this is the right time. He has been more vocal and vowels sometimes says ball. This is a good time, He isndoing ok. I have him in half day daycare 2 days a week to prepare for integrated preschool. It took forever foe him to adjust. But he is doing good now, Sounds like my little guy! They will go at their own pace but I figure I’ll try to get him as much therapy and put him in the best environment to encourage him to communicate while he’s young. Next year he’ll be in an integrated class with both NT and ND kids so I think it’ll further get him more comfortable and teach him the nuances of things like sharing, organized activities, etc. I’d say go with what you are most comfortable with. That being said, you can always try it out and if he’s not responding well, you can search out other options, etc, Have you looked into “gestalt language learning “? It kind of reminds me of that. Even as an autistic adult, I often practice speaking and saying words., Ours did those daily, multiple times a day, from 3-4. From 4-5 they started to lessen, and he barely ever gets them at 6. We went through several OTs, and nothing they/we tried made a difference. I think it's developmental and they just have to get past that stage., He is Level 3 and will be 3 this month, I hope you have a great experience! I'm literally terrified about the transition to kindergarten next year because he's doing so well with his current routine., Yup. I'm excited. It is half ND half nt. He's going to get the best of both worlds. I think putting him somewhere and getting him use to it will be a tremendous difference at a young age. He needs to learn to cope without me. Mom won't always be here. Everyone babies him too. He's the youngest. We have to work on that lol, Thanks for the reply. That sounds so hard. I’m on the waiting list for core services like OT, speech therapy, ABA etc. Our insurance sucks. Hopefully something will help because his anxiety is extreme., Fingers crossed on your behalf. :-( Anecdotally, I think we got better results with carting him around to individual STs/OTs vs. ABA (admittedly he was in the latter only for a month, after that we couldn't make schedules work.)., My son just turned 3 back in March. We’ve had him in a 2s program for 8 months or so and he was completely nonverbal when he started. Now he’s starting to whisper his ABCs, imitate some sound and actions and is saying some words with inconsistently. Sounds like it’s hesitation and without confidence. That being said, I think just throwing him into school is a great thing. It gets him or her used to interacting with other kids and if you are able to add in some ABA, speech and OT on top of it, we’ve seen tremendous strides in the past year. We just got his IEP and he’s approved for 3x more speech next year so hoping it’ll get him even more on par with his classmates. Hope this helps best of luck!, Not with talking he's 9 and still nonverbal, but it was very good at getting him ready for a school environment. It really helped with eloping a lot., Yes, without a doubt. But transitional meltdowns were hard., My ASD 3 Non-Verbal Little guy does Full-Time Clinic based ABA & Speech Therapy. We like that he has a 1 on 1 Para & he is up to 13 words and some ASL from none in 3 months. We will keep him in this for 3 more years and then determine if conventional school is the right fight or custom curated special needs program., It's been huge for us. My son started Pre-K the day after his third birthday and didn't say more than a handful of preferred words at the time, other than that it was purely scripting and babbling. He's 5 now and in his third year in the program and he's semi-conversational, rarely stops talking in fact. He's had the same SLP for 3 years running and he ADORES her and we think that's had a huge impact on his speech progress., My kid is semi-verbal. He has these astounding moments of clarity, but mostly grunts/hums or parrots. We never put him through ABA. He did two years of pre-school, then transferred to a regular elementary for kindergarten + life skills (OT, PT, Speech). He is now in 2nd grade. I think the regular social environment has been really good for him. He has learned how to do all sorts of things by watching peer models. He loves doing what the older kids are doing. We don't regret the path we took with him. We expected it to be difficult no matter what we chose., My son was 3 when he started daycare/preschool. He wasn’t nonverbal but was significantly behind and had a big language delay. His start did coincide with a big language development, and while parts of it were definitely overwhelming for him (no dx at the time) he also definitely benefited from watching social interactions and began mirroring social play that the NT kids were doing., My son 2.5yo (not formally diagnosed ASD) has been at nursery since he was 1. When he was 2 nursery asked me if he spoke at home. I said odd words but we’re not getting full sentences or two words together yet except ‘yes please.’ Apparently he says nothing at nursery and doesn’t join in rhyme time (back in November). The other week the teacher told me that he stood at the back of the class during song time and he started to join in a little but not much. At home he sings full nursery rhymes himself but isn’t great with talking for his wants/needs verbally (getting better). It’s difficult to say whether nursery will bring them on with speech as I think nursery might just be a bit all consuming/overwhelming for my son. I don’t have any regrets sending him so little but I am questioning whether it’s the right nursery for him., Yes, 100%! My daughter is still pre-verbal but she now sounds out most words and tries to pronounce them in a very baby talk way. For the first time ever I’m really confident she will communicate one day, she seems to really be connecting the dots lately. She also learned how to dance with the group, claps her hands / stomps her feet to “if you’re happy and you know it” and finally enjoys group play after year 2 of preschool. It’s been awesome for her socially she loves it!, It didn't but we enrolled him in the school district to start speech and OT sooner than later because he was on wait lists for those at the time. So we got him IEP tested and he had 1 month of prek before summer break and then he started Kinder. It was 100% better to have that IEP on place before kinder, that's for sure., Not preschool, but my son has started clubs! We started an AAC book club at Children’s hospital a month ago and he’s been a parrot since then! He was completely nonverbal a few months ago and is now saying phrases and repeating us. I feel like the one on one is so helpful! There are 2 therapists and 4 kids in the group. If you look into some groups even at small clinics they usually are around $100-$150 or help provide grants for the kids!, Preschool helped my 4.5 yo. He is in year 2 of an integrated program and will stay in it for another year (due to DOB he can’t start kindergarten yet). It has helped him more than I could have imagined. Before he was basically parroting abcs numbers etc. now he makes choices on lunch, listens when we call his name ( most of the time lol), frequently speaks in gestalts with some full & spontaneous sentences. He does whisper to himself before speaking. I think that is him practicing the sentences before committing. Sometimes I can hear a word that’s wrong and he will say it a couple times then the sentence again, when he’s happy with it he will use normal volume. We also get him speech and occupational therapy once a week on top of school. I do have to say I think the teachers have a lot to do with his progress as well. We had a WONDERFUL teacher year 1 and partly into year 2. Mid this year the teacher changed and that caused a pause in progress. He is adjusting slowly though. In my opinion it was worth it., Yes started at 2s program. Within a week he was running to get into the building and get school started., I sent my daughter to a special needs preschool/kindergarten. When my daughter started school, she was 3 and nonverbal. She screamed at any and everything- routine disruption or change, diaper changes etc. Now she is preverbal at almost 7 and way more flexible. Putting her in therapy and preschool was the best thing we ever did for her. **edit- we send her to school from 8:00-2:45 and until 12:30 on Fridays. If I’m honest, I personally feel that’s too much for my daughter, but the school she goes to stipulates that these are the hours. Regardless, we’re very happy with my daughter’s progress and she’s happy to be there., I would just keep in mind that talking is not the only way to communicate. Being social has helped my son accumulate a few more words but he is still non verbal. Accepting that he communicates best in ways that are apart from speaking has taken the stress of waiting for something that may never happen., Oh yea, I wish I put my kid in school sooner. I held him in an aba center till he was 6 and had to start kindergarten, wish I just put him in school. Schools are federally regulated and have rules to Follow, private aba centers and schools don’t and in my experience that breeds laziness and or money hungry people who are not in your child’s best interest., My daughter isn’t nonverbal but she did have delays in speech and other areas. Preschool in an EI class was great for her. She got all of her therapies, social skills groups, etc and she enjoyed it (she’s not so big on school these days, but teenagers are like that)., If you can, I recommend looking for a co-op preschool. They tend to be less expensive and include parenting class and involvement. The one we chose for our kids was only 2 or 3 half days, and the parents were required to help out in the class at least once a week. This meant the adult to child ratio was 1 to every 4 kids. It really went a long way for giving our kids a framework for how to be in the routine of a school day without any academic requirements and plenty of play based learning., Pre k has been amazing for my guy. He would say 3 words and only in dire circumstances when he started and we were just starting to get him to point at what he wanted. He's now sitting in the kitchen talking nonstop to the game he's playing on his tablet at 5. He's a totally new kid. We still have meltdowns, outbursts, and challenges, but we are leaps and bounds ahead of where we started. He's happy to be able to express himself, he has friends, and he has fun., Yes it did, My 20 word 3 yo started trying to imitate sounds 2 months after starting pre-k in the special Ed room at public school. Within 4 months he was saying a new word everyday and now a year later his teacher thinks he has MORE words than is normal for his age and that he will be able to go to regular pre-k next year! YMMV ofc but I think he just really needed to be around more people who didn't know what he needed by body language alone. They also are professionals who know more about this stage and disorder than I do and have done wonders. I was really worried too about him not being able to tell me if anything bad happened, but sometimes we have to let go so that the "village" can step in. Nothing in life is 100% safe unfortunately. We parents are not meant to be everything to our children in terms of learning and experiences, imo and thats where public education steps in for me bc I don't have family or a grassroots community to fall back on., At 3 he wasn’t quite ready emotionally and I couldn’t justify sending him with how upset he’d get. He was pre verbal, non conversational. We tried again the following year (started last month) and he is a ROCKSTAR he loves school. He is still minimally conversational but 3.5-4.5 he naturally had some big leaps in his language/communication and Pre school has significantly accelerated that. I was really worried about how it would go but he’s kicking butt!!!!!, The nonverbal kid was my kid’s friend. , My son started preschool last year at 3 and was non verbal at the time. He’s made a lot of progress and is now talking in sentences but is not conversational yet. He also seems to really like school and is happy when we drop him off so it’s been a positive experience for us., Yes! ECSE has been great for our 4 year old. He did half days when he was 3 and has been doing full days this year. He went from being non verbal, to pre verbal. He is now mimicking what we say and is starting to communicate on his own., [deleted], Yes the school is integrated with all of the therapy! I know it will be good for him. He just makes nois3s and out of the blue will say a word. He only does it when it's quiet or he's alone. Its like he is teaching HIMSELF how to talk I swear, My son has the BIGGEST transitional meltdowns. He just started preschool 2 weeks ago. Do you have any advice?, That's great. You should be so proud. What level and age is he?, Yayyy I love these kind of stories. My 3 year old has a voice but barely words. Starting integrated preschool and speach therapy soon, Yes I think this is the right time. He has been more vocal and vowels sometimes says ball. This is a good time, He isndoing ok. I have him in half day daycare 2 days a week to prepare for integrated preschool. It took forever foe him to adjust. But he is doing good now, Sounds like my little guy! They will go at their own pace but I figure I’ll try to get him as much therapy and put him in the best environment to encourage him to communicate while he’s young. Next year he’ll be in an integrated class with both NT and ND kids so I think it’ll further get him more comfortable and teach him the nuances of things like sharing, organized activities, etc. I’d say go with what you are most comfortable with. That being said, you can always try it out and if he’s not responding well, you can search out other options, etc, Have you looked into “gestalt language learning “? It kind of reminds me of that. Even as an autistic adult, I often practice speaking and saying words., Ours did those daily, multiple times a day, from 3-4. From 4-5 they started to lessen, and he barely ever gets them at 6. We went through several OTs, and nothing they/we tried made a difference. I think it's developmental and they just have to get past that stage., He is Level 3 and will be 3 this month, I hope you have a great experience! I'm literally terrified about the transition to kindergarten next year because he's doing so well with his current routine., Yup. I'm excited. It is half ND half nt. He's going to get the best of both worlds. I think putting him somewhere and getting him use to it will be a tremendous difference at a young age. He needs to learn to cope without me. Mom won't always be here. Everyone babies him too. He's the youngest. We have to work on that lol, Thanks for the reply. That sounds so hard. I’m on the waiting list for core services like OT, speech therapy, ABA etc. Our insurance sucks. Hopefully something will help because his anxiety is extreme., Fingers crossed on your behalf. :-( Anecdotally, I think we got better results with carting him around to individual STs/OTs vs. ABA (admittedly he was in the latter only for a month, after that we couldn't make schedules work.)., My son just turned 3 back in March. We’ve had him in a 2s program for 8 months or so and he was completely nonverbal when he started. Now he’s starting to whisper his ABCs, imitate some sound and actions and is saying some words with inconsistently. Sounds like it’s hesitation and without confidence. That being said, I think just throwing him into school is a great thing. It gets him or her used to interacting with other kids and if you are able to add in some ABA, speech and OT on top of it, we’ve seen tremendous strides in the past year. We just got his IEP and he’s approved for 3x more speech next year so hoping it’ll get him even more on par with his classmates. Hope this helps best of luck!, Not with talking he's 9 and still nonverbal, but it was very good at getting him ready for a school environment. It really helped with eloping a lot., Yes, without a doubt. But transitional meltdowns were hard., My ASD 3 Non-Verbal Little guy does Full-Time Clinic based ABA & Speech Therapy. We like that he has a 1 on 1 Para & he is up to 13 words and some ASL from none in 3 months. We will keep him in this for 3 more years and then determine if conventional school is the right fight or custom curated special needs program., It's been huge for us. My son started Pre-K the day after his third birthday and didn't say more than a handful of preferred words at the time, other than that it was purely scripting and babbling. He's 5 now and in his third year in the program and he's semi-conversational, rarely stops talking in fact. He's had the same SLP for 3 years running and he ADORES her and we think that's had a huge impact on his speech progress., My kid is semi-verbal. He has these astounding moments of clarity, but mostly grunts/hums or parrots. We never put him through ABA. He did two years of pre-school, then transferred to a regular elementary for kindergarten + life skills (OT, PT, Speech). He is now in 2nd grade. I think the regular social environment has been really good for him. He has learned how to do all sorts of things by watching peer models. He loves doing what the older kids are doing. We don't regret the path we took with him. We expected it to be difficult no matter what we chose., My son was 3 when he started daycare/preschool. He wasn’t nonverbal but was significantly behind and had a big language delay. His start did coincide with a big language development, and while parts of it were definitely overwhelming for him (no dx at the time) he also definitely benefited from watching social interactions and began mirroring social play that the NT kids were doing., My son 2.5yo (not formally diagnosed ASD) has been at nursery since he was 1. When he was 2 nursery asked me if he spoke at home. I said odd words but we’re not getting full sentences or two words together yet except ‘yes please.’ Apparently he says nothing at nursery and doesn’t join in rhyme time (back in November). The other week the teacher told me that he stood at the back of the class during song time and he started to join in a little but not much. At home he sings full nursery rhymes himself but isn’t great with talking for his wants/needs verbally (getting better). It’s difficult to say whether nursery will bring them on with speech as I think nursery might just be a bit all consuming/overwhelming for my son. I don’t have any regrets sending him so little but I am questioning whether it’s the right nursery for him., Yes, 100%! My daughter is still pre-verbal but she now sounds out most words and tries to pronounce them in a very baby talk way. For the first time ever I’m really confident she will communicate one day, she seems to really be connecting the dots lately. She also learned how to dance with the group, claps her hands / stomps her feet to “if you’re happy and you know it” and finally enjoys group play after year 2 of preschool. It’s been awesome for her socially she loves it!, It didn't but we enrolled him in the school district to start speech and OT sooner than later because he was on wait lists for those at the time. So we got him IEP tested and he had 1 month of prek before summer break and then he started Kinder. It was 100% better to have that IEP on place before kinder, that's for sure., Not preschool, but my son has started clubs! We started an AAC book club at Children’s hospital a month ago and he’s been a parrot since then! He was completely nonverbal a few months ago and is now saying phrases and repeating us. I feel like the one on one is so helpful! There are 2 therapists and 4 kids in the group. If you look into some groups even at small clinics they usually are around $100-$150 or help provide grants for the kids!, Preschool helped my 4.5 yo. He is in year 2 of an integrated program and will stay in it for another year (due to DOB he can’t start kindergarten yet). It has helped him more than I could have imagined. Before he was basically parroting abcs numbers etc. now he makes choices on lunch, listens when we call his name ( most of the time lol), frequently speaks in gestalts with some full & spontaneous sentences. He does whisper to himself before speaking. I think that is him practicing the sentences before committing. Sometimes I can hear a word that’s wrong and he will say it a couple times then the sentence again, when he’s happy with it he will use normal volume. We also get him speech and occupational therapy once a week on top of school. I do have to say I think the teachers have a lot to do with his progress as well. We had a WONDERFUL teacher year 1 and partly into year 2. Mid this year the teacher changed and that caused a pause in progress. He is adjusting slowly though. In my opinion it was worth it., Yes started at 2s program. Within a week he was running to get into the building and get school started., I sent my daughter to a special needs preschool/kindergarten. When my daughter started school, she was 3 and nonverbal. She screamed at any and everything- routine disruption or change, diaper changes etc. Now she is preverbal at almost 7 and way more flexible. Putting her in therapy and preschool was the best thing we ever did for her. **edit- we send her to school from 8:00-2:45 and until 12:30 on Fridays. If I’m honest, I personally feel that’s too much for my daughter, but the school she goes to stipulates that these are the hours. Regardless, we’re very happy with my daughter’s progress and she’s happy to be there., I would just keep in mind that talking is not the only way to communicate. Being social has helped my son accumulate a few more words but he is still non verbal. Accepting that he communicates best in ways that are apart from speaking has taken the stress of waiting for something that may never happen., Oh yea, I wish I put my kid in school sooner. I held him in an aba center till he was 6 and had to start kindergarten, wish I just put him in school. Schools are federally regulated and have rules to Follow, private aba centers and schools don’t and in my experience that breeds laziness and or money hungry people who are not in your child’s best interest., My daughter isn’t nonverbal but she did have delays in speech and other areas. Preschool in an EI class was great for her. She got all of her therapies, social skills groups, etc and she enjoyed it (she’s not so big on school these days, but teenagers are like that)., If you can, I recommend looking for a co-op preschool. They tend to be less expensive and include parenting class and involvement. The one we chose for our kids was only 2 or 3 half days, and the parents were required to help out in the class at least once a week. This meant the adult to child ratio was 1 to every 4 kids. It really went a long way for giving our kids a framework for how to be in the routine of a school day without any academic requirements and plenty of play based learning., Pre k has been amazing for my guy. He would say 3 words and only in dire circumstances when he started and we were just starting to get him to point at what he wanted. He's now sitting in the kitchen talking nonstop to the game he's playing on his tablet at 5. He's a totally new kid. We still have meltdowns, outbursts, and challenges, but we are leaps and bounds ahead of where we started. He's happy to be able to express himself, he has friends, and he has fun., Yes it did, My 20 word 3 yo started trying to imitate sounds 2 months after starting pre-k in the special Ed room at public school. Within 4 months he was saying a new word everyday and now a year later his teacher thinks he has MORE words than is normal for his age and that he will be able to go to regular pre-k next year! YMMV ofc but I think he just really needed to be around more people who didn't know what he needed by body language alone. They also are professionals who know more about this stage and disorder than I do and have done wonders. I was really worried too about him not being able to tell me if anything bad happened, but sometimes we have to let go so that the "village" can step in. Nothing in life is 100% safe unfortunately. We parents are not meant to be everything to our children in terms of learning and experiences, imo and thats where public education steps in for me bc I don't have family or a grassroots community to fall back on., At 3 he wasn’t quite ready emotionally and I couldn’t justify sending him with how upset he’d get. He was pre verbal, non conversational. We tried again the following year (started last month) and he is a ROCKSTAR he loves school. He is still minimally conversational but 3.5-4.5 he naturally had some big leaps in his language/communication and Pre school has significantly accelerated that. I was really worried about how it would go but he’s kicking butt!!!!!, The nonverbal kid was my kid’s friend. , My son started preschool last year at 3 and was non verbal at the time. He’s made a lot of progress and is now talking in sentences but is not conversational yet. He also seems to really like school and is happy when we drop him off so it’s been a positive experience for us., Yes! ECSE has been great for our 4 year old. He did half days when he was 3 and has been doing full days this year. He went from being non verbal, to pre verbal. He is now mimicking what we say and is starting to communicate on his own., [deleted], Yes the school is integrated with all of the therapy! I know it will be good for him. He just makes nois3s and out of the blue will say a word. He only does it when it's quiet or he's alone. Its like he is teaching HIMSELF how to talk I swear, My son has the BIGGEST transitional meltdowns. He just started preschool 2 weeks ago. Do you have any advice?, That's great. You should be so proud. What level and age is he?, Yayyy I love these kind of stories. My 3 year old has a voice but barely words. Starting integrated preschool and speach therapy soon, Yes I think this is the right time. He has been more vocal and vowels sometimes says ball. This is a good time, He isndoing ok. I have him in half day daycare 2 days a week to prepare for integrated preschool. It took forever foe him to adjust. But he is doing good now, Sounds like my little guy! They will go at their own pace but I figure I’ll try to get him as much therapy and put him in the best environment to encourage him to communicate while he’s young. Next year he’ll be in an integrated class with both NT and ND kids so I think it’ll further get him more comfortable and teach him the nuances of things like sharing, organized activities, etc. I’d say go with what you are most comfortable with. That being said, you can always try it out and if he’s not responding well, you can search out other options, etc, Have you looked into “gestalt language learning “? It kind of reminds me of that. Even as an autistic adult, I often practice speaking and saying words., Ours did those daily, multiple times a day, from 3-4. From 4-5 they started to lessen, and he barely ever gets them at 6. We went through several OTs, and nothing they/we tried made a difference. I think it's developmental and they just have to get past that stage., He is Level 3 and will be 3 this month, I hope you have a great experience! I'm literally terrified about the transition to kindergarten next year because he's doing so well with his current routine., Yup. I'm excited. It is half ND half nt. He's going to get the best of both worlds. I think putting him somewhere and getting him use to it will be a tremendous difference at a young age. He needs to learn to cope without me. Mom won't always be here. Everyone babies him too. He's the youngest. We have to work on that lol, Thanks for the reply. That sounds so hard. I’m on the waiting list for core services like OT, speech therapy, ABA etc. Our insurance sucks. Hopefully something will help because his anxiety is extreme., Fingers crossed on your behalf. :-( Anecdotally, I think we got better results with carting him around to individual STs/OTs vs. ABA (admittedly he was in the latter only for a month, after that we couldn't make schedules work.).

Did you have a second kid? Why or why not?

For those of you whose oldest child is on the spectrum: I have one 3YO who was recently diagnosed with autism and I'm struggling to decide if we should have a second child or not. I always imagined myself with more than one kid, and would love to have another, *but* I also feel like it may be unfair of me to do so. My son is level 1, so he has minimal support needs, *but* also thrives on a schedule and constant routine. I worry that having another kid will throw things into chaos; on the other hand, my husband and I both have multiple siblings, and I'd love for my son to experience that kind of bond with a brother or sister. Having just one child ensures we will have the funds, time, and resources for therapies, activities, and undivided attention- but is having another really as hard as it seems? Additionally, I worry about having another child on the spectrum- though I would love, support, and accept the child regardless, I'm concerned about having another kiddo who may have greater support needs (or that my son's level of support needs may change). My son has a speech delay as part of his diagnosis, and things were very rough when he was pre-verbal. What decision did you make in regard to this, and how do you feel about it today?

I have a 9 year old and a 6 month old. Even though she’s just a baby she’s helped him become more social and use speech more. He wants to teach her and communicate with her., We made the decision to only have the one child. I do find myself jealous of my friends with two. But mentally I can't handle a second autistic child if we had one., I have 3 kids. Older two are autistic. I didn’t know my oldest has asd until my second child was an infant and I was already pregnant with third. Son was diagnosed at 3, daughter diagnosed at 2, and unknown about my baby son. We made it work in the house and my kids are doing allright., We were pretty sure we were one and done before our son's diagnosis. There are a million little reasons and not really any big one. My wife had a difficult pregnancy and somewhat traumatic labor experience that turned her off to the idea of going through it all over again. My sister's family lives a mile down the road and our son will grow up with cousins close in age, and that gives us some comfort about not giving him any siblings. The "starter home" we bought is now looking like our forever home thanks to the terrible real estate market...it works for a family of 3 but would be tight otherwise. We're both pushing 40 now so it feels like that ship has sailed regardless. We don't have any regrets. A change like another child would rock our son's world. We're happy as a family of 3, and we're able to give him 100% of our focus. That being said, everyone's situation is different. I think big families are great, it just wasn't right for us., I didn't know my oldest was autistic. I had concerns about his development, but my kids are under 3 years apart. It was during my pregnancy I went, "oh...boy." Both of my kids are autistic, level 3.  They'll need me forever,  but they've made great progress. I'm glad they'll always have each other. We've started bonding with some other families in similar boats. I can understand, because the needs with a level 2/3 child are different.  If you can't imagine that life - I think the decision is made.  I am the only person I know with multiple autistic children who are level 3 - most seem to have either level 1 kids, or they have a single level 3 kid. That's completely anecdotal and YMMV. , Our first child’s autistic, so she’ll be our only child. I’m barely clinging on as it is, another one, autistic or not, would just break me., Mine is 8 and an only child, just recently diagnosed. The bigger part of me is glad that I knew my limitations as I have my own struggles, but another part of me is worried that I’ve limited her close relationships and she always wants me to “play” which is really a challenge for me. (She’s staring me down as I type this so I should get back to repeating the same “chattermax” scene we’ve played for over an hour now) At this point the age gap would be too much for them to have a type of peer support and I know that a baby or toddler around would be a nightmare for her (and me tbh I love the breaks that I *do* get) That’s just my position, I think either way you’ll be able to fully love and support your first no matter what you decide., Yes I have a level 2 autistic 5 year old (also with ID and epilepsy) and a NT 3 year old daughter. It was the best thing we did. We love them both so much, she has helped my boy, and it’s also been nice to have the typical parenting experience through her. It has helped me be more accepting of my boy because as much as I want things like for him to talk and be able to take him out for a meal, I have these things with my girl so I don’t mourn it as much as I did. I still want to converse with my boy so badly but would be happy with any form of communication., I have 2 autistic kids, 2 years apart. I had no developmental or behavioral concerns with my older child before I got pregnant. I've always wanted a big family, but I felt that it wouldn't be fair to further divide my (very limited) resources when I already have 2 autistic kids. I am, however, very grateful that I have 2 kids and I think they both benefit tremendously from having a sibling. Life was VERY hard when they were little, but things are so much easier now. If waiting is a possibility, things might settle down in the future, and you might feel more equipped to handle another child once your first is a bit older., I only have one and am very much on the fence about having another and losing sleep about it. I think my mind changes every day. Some days are so hard and I think there’s no way in hell I could handle two particularly if both ND. Other days my little girl is so delightful I wouldn’t mind 10 of her. I’m 41 so I don’t have much time to decide., We were one and done all through pregnancy and the early years. Then waffled a bit and considered it but never ended up doing it. We had a later diagnosis (ASD lvl 1, PDA profile) at 6 but adhd problems presented as early as 3. While I think it would have been fine had we had a second when he was 3-5, we are having very serious behavior issues as we roll into year 7 and I do not think a baby would be safe around him. I am confident in our choice to stay with one. We can accommodate him, schedule our work and schedules for his therapy needs, give him full focus and attention. We definitely have ASD in the genetic pool and if for some reason we had a second with similar behaviors, or more severe behaviors, I don’t think I could do it. Not to mention i don’t want to pay for daycare again haha, I have a kid in college and three kids 5 and under. My 5 yo is diagnosed with ASD, level 2-3. He is semi-verbal (but not conversational). We got pregnant with my 4yo way before he was diagnosed - we were planning on having another but got pregnant MUCH sooner than expected after birth control failure lol. We chose to have our 4th. My 3rd has some speech delay and is on the wait list to get tested, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have it. So far my youngest shows no signs. It is challenging, but I have no regrets., I have a severely autistic 6 year old and a still waiting 15 month old with a speech delay. It took us a few years to decide on having another, but it was the right decision despite the challenges my older son has., We are one and done. We were one and done before the diagnosis. Our nearly 3 year old had a really traumatic start, unexpected and extended NICU stay, and we’re old. We just decided the day we brought her home from the hospital that we never wanted to hear the NICU alarms again., We didn't know until my second child was already here. I probably wouldn't have had a second but my second child is awesome and fun. I think she has helped my son grow as a person., I didn't want to have a second kid after my son was diagnosed with level 3 autism at 2 years old. But life finds a way... After 3 days of crying about his diagnosis, I began to feel nauseous. I took a test and that's when I realized I was pregnant. Me and my husband were not careful one time and a doctor once told me I was infertile because it took so long for me to get pregnant with my son. We were not expecting this. I couldn't find it in me to have an abortion and here I am 20 weeks pregnant. I hope the baby is neurotypical because I already pay so much therapy for my son. I don't want to do it again but we'll see... I was recently told we're gonna have a little girl., I’m a solid 4 for 4 on autism with my kids. My oldest 3 were diagnosed with Asperger’s in 2011. They are 18,15 and 14. My oldest is in college for fire safety, my 15 year old has made honor roll all this year. My 14 year old is struggling with school and bullying. No therapies were done but did have Early Intervention and First Steps available. Had another kid in 2019 and she’s level 2. It’s all I know is working with my ND kids. She’s been the hardest one with the potty training and some motor skills but she has gotten a lot better with her speech. In the middle of applying for Medicaid since we just moved, therapy was too expensive to pay out of pocket ($850 a month!), I was already pregnant when my son got diagnosed and I had my daughter at the end of February. My friends son who is asd is almost 7 and she has 3 kids now, two after him and as of right now there’s no concerns for her other two. So I guess just all depends on what you think you can handle, I have a 3.5 year old level 1 son and a 9 month old. These 9 months have been pretty hard not going to lie but it’s starting to get a bit easier. My oldest 1.5-2.5 was really bad for everyone but now 3+ it’s alot easier. He still gets jealous and frustrated at his little bro but now there are good signs he likes him etc. still it’s a huge huge change you hav 0 time if you wanted to switch between spouses for a break really, I had my second before my first was diagnosed (low support needs). She is NT but had I known about the diagnosis, it wouldn’t have changed my mind about having a second. I am an only child and my husband has three siblings; we knew we wanted 2+ children., We had twins. Both on the spectrum. I got snipped. We thought rolling the dice again would be foolish and selfish., I have a 2 year old and a newborn. I love them but I can’t devote the hours and hours to joint attention and teaching my first born. My 2 month old does it have eye contact and cannot lift head up as well, so I know he will take a lot of work and physio as well. For me it would have been one and done if I had of known. I worry about our finances. We didn’t wait because I’m getting older and we were ready. But I do encourage people to wait until the kid is at least 5 to see how they are progressing and see if they could handle another child who could be more severe. There are also issues with autism like abnormal airways, epilepsy and auto immune as well as heart issues, so it’s definitely something to not go into the decision lightly, I have two. A 5yo son with Autism (I'm in the UK and we weren't given a level) and a 2yo daughter. So far, from our experience with my son. We haven't seen any traits of autism in our daughter. But since she's become 2 and gotten more talkative and more personality. We've certainly seen positive changes in our son. He plays a lot more with her now. They talk to each other without a parent in between, which I find cool and strange. They say to each other that they love and miss each other and he even hugs her, unprompted too. Which for me, has been the sweetest thing I've seen him do. It's been a delight to see how she has shaped him more affectionately and develop his social skills further., Oldest is 5 waiting for AuAdhd diagnosis (we don’t use levels here but she’d be lvl1 I assume), youngest is 13 months now. I never ever ever thought I’d have another, but things briefly got relatively easier around 2-3 and we started considering it. I was 36 at this point and knew early menopause runs in my family. My sister then started going through it and so can’t have children, and my husbands brother is struggling to conceive with his partner who is older. This pushed us to have another as we knew it would be likely she’d have no close family in our country (99% of my family live in another country, she’s never met them due to Covid and the struggles of travelling with an autistic child). I was never set on two at all but I fell pregnant straight away so didn’t have a chance to back out. Behaviour from oldest then got much much worse, physical aggression, screaming, hitting, biting etc. it was hell being pregnant and dealing with that. It’s only in the last 4 months or so that things feel a bit more regulated. I constantly look for signs in youngest, she’s not talking still, she’s not walking but she’s much much much calmer than my first, so that helps enormously. In some ways that has been hard as my first had such obvious likes/dislikes/sensory needs that I felt I knew her quicker, the youngest is very hard to figure out. She is just as silly and cheeky though. I love the mischief., We were trying for a second when we realized my son’s struggles. We are unsure what level of care he will need or how expensive it will be with private insurance and felt it was best not go continue trying. It wouldn’t be fair to either child. If it happened as an accident, it’d be a happy accident, but we are not actively trying anymore, My second one was already 1 year old when my first was diagnosed at 2.5. Now they are 5 and 4. My first was diagnosed with level 3. Now she has graduated out of all therapies etc. She might be a level 1 if we test now. I believe one of the things that helped her progress was also having a sibling. The bond between them is wonderful to see., My son was almost 3 when his sister was born, and his vocabulary boomed quite soon after and has continued as his sister's is developing. She is not on the spectrum and has a broad vocabulary at the age of 2. The adjustment wasn't difficult, quite honestly. I work from home, so I'm sure that made a difference., Honestly, you should think that there is a possibility of all that you mentioned. I do not have a second child, exactly for the reasons you mentioned. Hey, your second child might be neurotypical! But once a baby is here, there is no going back. I would prepare/consider for everything., My first is level 1 and was 3 years old when his little sister was born. She’s now 18 months old and appears neurotypical. My son also loves rigid routines, but having a sibling has helped him tremendously. He is a lot more flexible in his routines, eats lots more different foods after seeing his sister eating them, gives her hugs and plays with her all the time., We had another before we knew he was on the spectrum or how it was so severe. Turns out the second child actually flourished and developed quite well. Glad we didn’t turn back., I have 3.5 year old diagnosed with ASD at 2yrs old. My intention was not to have a second kid, but I couldn't bear the Idea of my kid growing up without a sibling or cousins. We are from India, living in USA, all of our family is in India. We don't have an option to adopt so decided to have second kid. My wife is 7months pregnant now., My wife got pregnant before our son recieved his level 3 diagnosis. they are now 5 and 3. my son had such a hard time when we brought his sister home and they still have some issues. Im glad my wife got pregnant when she did though because had my son been diagnosed prior to the pregnancy, I would have gotten the snip after just the one. and even though she is a pain in butt I love my daughter so much. Not a single regret. even on the hard days., My oldest was very recently diagnosed (like a month ago, he's 8.5) and I have two other children ages 6 and 3. I wouldn't change it for anything and sometimes I find myself wanting a 4th. His needs are minimal and he adores his siblings like 85% of the time., 14 M and 7 F. Both level 2 ASD. Didn't expect our daughter to be autistic but she is. It's hard but I would have regretted only having one child. Both are verbal without intellectual disabilities. My daughter is a girl scout. She asked to join. She's the one hand flapping and spinning while her troop sells cookies. Today though she actually ran a few customer's cards through the square device, said thank you to several customers and complimented every baby she met for being the cutest ever. She helped sell a lot of cookies. I was proud of her., I'm gradually persuading my wife to consider adoption. She feels overwhelmed with just one child, especially after a traumatic pregnancy experience. She's adamant about not wanting to go through that again. For me, adoption seems like the only option., It's our youngest. Our older two are very much neurotypical. We decided, though, he would be our last though. After a terrible pregnancy and his premature birth, my husband and I knew I couldn't do it again and his diagnosis solidified that. We love him and he's our perfect caboose to our train., I had my tubes tied after my Autistic child. Then BOOM had another child! 😳 they are exactly 2 years apart. The younger girl pulls the boy I believe. He said his first word which was swimming since my daughter was repeating it over and over again in the water. And it’s been like that since. I think it is a huge blessing but I do have acknowledge sometimes you have to make sure you balance the love and attention., No. It's my dream to have two, and my son seems like he'd like a buddy, but I can't imagine trying to manage two right now - especially if my second was autistic, too. The chance of that happening is just too great to risk it (people with 1 autistic child are many many times more likely to have a second autistic child, often with more severe needs). My son doesn't even have a single cousin. Breaks my heart 😢, Autistic person with an older brother here. For me it was (and still is) very helpful to have a sibling close in age (we're 3 years apart) to build social skills, learn how to apply them, and also because i feel he is one of the only people i can trust with my whole heart and will stand me when i'm grumpy and feeling like shit. All and all, its your decision, are you able to provide a safe home environment for two children and all that money jazz (i cant say a lot about money stuff, cuz im not american and i'm just a teen). Speaking solely in the perspective of the child, if they form a strong bond, that sibling will become a good friend for someone that doesn't make friends as easily as other kids, We did. But we waited 6yrs to do so., Yes, but he's only 11 minutes younger than his brother 🙃 I also have a third child, though I was pregnant with her before I even had an inkling that the boys might be autistic. I probably would have wanted a third child anyway though. Our family just didn't feel complete until she was born., We have a 4 and a half year old who is level 2. We just had our second child last week. My husband and I always wanted two kids and we didn’t change our mind after our first was diagnosed. We know there’s a risk our second will have it too, especially since he’s also a boy, but we have experience with ASD now and a support system of therapists and doctors. I also think having a sibling will be good for my eldest child, someone to socialise with when we’re at home., I don’t regret having more children at all. Even though they fight quite a bit my youngest is the only other kid my oldest plays or interact with at all. Seeing their bond forming is awesome even though it’s a slow process., Yes but it was six minutes after the first kid, so in our defense, we didn’t know yet., My daughter has ASD and Intellectual Disability so at 6 years old she is still non verbal. We wanted a second but waited until she started school when she turned 5 years old before having a second as we wanted to make sure we could focus on just her until she was in school. My son is now 17 months old and it's fine. My daughter struggled to adjust to how much attention he needed from me as a baby but now she's okay with it so it worked for us., My oldest has global developmental delay and my second is ASD 2. My suggestion is that you wait a year to revisit having a second. Planning such that your current child is already in kindergarten. I have two mostly mild to moderate needs kids and it gets very challenging to meet both of their needs. Once your youngest is a little older you will have a much better idea and the time to dedicate to early intervention if your second child needs some help too., We decided to have a second child. At the moment, I feel like it’s a disservice to our older, autistic child. Her younger sibling is so very clingy and needy. I don’t have enough energy. They completely drain me. But having a sibling will hopefully help our autistic daughter have support when she’s older. I know that’s unfair. Maybe they won’t get along, and maybe they’ll both need support. But I’m hopeful that they can lean on each other. As of right now, and most likely forever, they have no other siblings or cousins. At some point, it’ll just be the two of them. So I hope they can get along and help each other later in life. My younger daughter is older than 18 months now and developing typically. I actually had an obgyn try to discourage me from keeping the pregnancy. “You know it can happen again right??” she said. Our first daughter is nonverbal, but she doesn’t have meltdowns often, and she communicates in her own way that she loves us. I wasn’t scared to have two autistic kids., I did. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on my son's 2nd bday. He hadn't been diagnosed at that point. He's high functioning so it wasn't till he went to school that we even realized anything was wrong. Well we knew but not the extent of it. Autism never crossed our minds! But at that point I was already pregnant and didn't even consider the fact that she may be as well. Low and behold! She is. They both have autism and adhd. I would love a 3rd but the high possibility of them being autistic as what is stopping me. Them being autistic is not whats stopping me, it's everything that comes with it. It's exhausting. I'm always so busy and have absolutly no help. Between them both someone's at my house every day for services. I have anxiety and depression and honestly am prob autistic myself. So it's just ALOT lol. If I had more help I prob would but for right now I just wanna be able to give my full self and time to the two kiddos I have and make sure they're getting everything they need and deserve before bringing another child into the picture that I would also have to split my limited time with., Its like you were in my head when you wrote this, I am struggling with the same thing daily. So no judgement on my part, Not trying to discourage you, but you should be aware that multiple studies indicate Autism risk increases with the age of both parents., For your kids sake, I would say to have another. Being on the spectrum is already a hard and difficult life, but not to mention lonely as well. Having a sibling that loves them unconditionally and knows their problems and is willing to help guide them and support them is the best companion they can have. They may or may not come out on the spectrum, but I say make the sacrifice just so your son can have a life long friend., My son hasn’t been diagnosed yet but he is 3 and in a special needs class , he talks with his hands and doesn’t care for speaking just lots of gibberish. I have a 1 year old , who is verbal already and catches on quick. There is a big difference between her and my son when he was 1 when it comes to speech. He was one and a half when I got pregnant with her. They get along fine , and tbh we don’t we have a schedule just going with the flow. They both take up time , he is really clingy and she just started walking and wanting to know what things are. It can get hard dividing time also, my husband passes almost 1 year ago so it just me by myself (22f). He just started school and getting to be around my children his age , learning , he says words every now and then , things I didn’t even know he knew and won’t here it again for months. It can get frustrating, I really want and hope he can live a somewhat normal life when he becomes an adult ., We have three kids. Two on the spectrum, one with adhd and spectrum traits. My husband is on the spectrum and I have adhd. All of our kids were born before any of us were diagnosed. I think having one nd kid would be loads easier than three, but of course, we love them all., I'm in this same struggle currently with my husband. We have an almost 3 year old who is undiagnosed but clearly on the spectrum in some way. We have many times thought of having another and than back out due to fear of ruining our sons safe space and schedule. And also the fear of having a child higher on the spectrum. My son also has a bad eye and we have fear of worse health issues in a second child. Autism and mental health issues run through out my whole family so sadly I think we've landed on one and done. For the safety of everyone's well being. Adoption is not 100% out of our equation though after our son is a but older and school adjusted with proper drs., Just here to say, my first child is 3 and also recently diagnosed. I am currently expecting my 2nd child (pleasant surprise) - due in September. I will say I do worry about the stress load, as my son is a mamas boy.. and jealousy will probably be an issue. But I have put in work to form a very special relationship with my son and I know it will all work out. I think he'll eventually love having a little sibling. I'm excited to see their relationship grow., Level 1 first son. Got pregnant with my daughter when my son was only 10 months old. It’s beautiful to see their bond and I feel like they learn from each other so well. But I do feel the stress did not just double, probably 3-4x the amount with having a second. I constantly have to make sure my son is not accidentally hurting her with pushing, shoving, etc. I don’t think you’d regret having another child, you may even feel more fulfilled. I’d think about your support team around you and your stress level you have currently before you make a decision personally, We had our second (16 mo) well before getting the diagnosis of our older child (5). The second has largely been a good thing. It helps our older child to be more aware and social, andit can sometimes be a needed distraction when getting close to meltdown. Overall, I'm happy we had two, but we decided not to have any more. It doesn't seem like the younger one has ASD, at least comparing behaviors to the first at that age. Of course, it won't matter. I often worry that the second will always come second because the first, while only being level 1, demands a lot of attention right now and seems to be getting worse. We try to be equitable with our time., I was 6 months pregnant when my almost two-year-old son was diagnosed with autism. I would never have gotten pregnant if I had known. My first-born son is level 3 non-verbal and 21 years old. My second son is not autistic and 19 years old. Both of my boys are a blessing. My autistic son is the sweetest person that I have ever known. He is loving and easy going. My youngest son is also a caring, wonderful boy. It was nice to get to do so called "normal' things with my youngest (teaching him to drive, prom, college, etc...). And it's nice to know that he can look in on his brother (probably in a group home) after my husband and I are gone., Absolutely not. Even though I originally thought I’d want more than one, the thought of having *two* autistic kids was overwhelming. The *worst* thought though, was having a *normal* one and I didn’t trust myself to *not* be resentful of the autistic one and end up loving the “normal” one more. To this day I thank my lucky stars that I made that decision. 1) I have friends that had a “normal” first and an autistic second and third and they are stressed to the max and overwhelmed all the time and 2) If I had a “normal” one I *know* I would be so unfairly biased towards that one and being able to do all the “normal” things that I’d be treating the autistic one unfairly and resentfully 😔, Well we did but it kind of went the other way. Our youngest was Dx first (age 3), level 3, also has cerebral palsy and wheelchair (turning 5 soon). Eldest was Dx at age 7. He’s a level 2, but low support needs, and id say at the same age as your kid he’d have been a level 1 as well. Always needed routine even as a little baby. It’s hard, i cant sugar coat it. My eldest is doing amazing especially since starting meds (he’s turning 9 soon). Youngest attends a special ed pre school which is 45 mins away, eldest attends a mainstream school and generally does well there. So it’s tough. But. I love them both. And we just continue to learn along the way and figure it out along the way! Also i’ll add, my youngest was born right before covid hit, and we live in Melbourne, so we had about 2 years of uncertainty which was also really difficult. But we made it :), We had already had our second when our first was diagnosed, so we didn't really have the time to think about it. Both of our children are autistic, both at very different levels. I would say that unless you're prepared to add a child who is going to have high support needs, don't do it. You said pre-verbal was hard. Are you prepared for a non-verbal child? It's very hard having two, especially when they are at such a different place so even activities can't be synced up. I also want to touch on the sibling portion. Just because you both had a great sibling bond doesn't mean that an autistic child (or two as the case may be) will enjoy that same bond. It took years for my first to even really acknowledge my second, and my second still doesn't really want anything to do with my first. So, absolutely do not have a kid just to give your son a sibling bond, it's not a guaranteed thing, even with NT children. I don't say any of this to attack you. It's just that the harsh reality is that your next child could be a level 3, completely non-verbal child who is also self injuring. Not to mention the difficulty of having possibly two elopers (and even with just one taking both out alone becomes difficult). I absolutely adore my children, and I'm so happy to have them. But I'm also not really able to get a job outside the home due to needing childcare because finding suitable care after school is so difficult. It's very difficult having a child who is non-verbal, and you can't communicate much at all with them because they they also won't use signs or any kind of communication boards., My oldest is on the spectrum and I didn't know it at the time when I had another one. It got more obvious as he got older but I just thought he had traits then. he only had ADHD and anxiety and he showed sensory processing issues from a very young age. Stuff he did then was normal at his age and it got more and more obvious as he got older. He was also a big help when I had my daughter, he enjoyed playing with her and wanted to show her everything so that made my job easier lol. He would even tell me when she was awake in her crib or was smelly. He was a good brother., I have a 20f, 7f, and 4m (ND). I wish I would have had a sibling for my oldest. The age gap is something I would change. Imagine yourself during your retired years. Do you want to have Christmas or holidays with your one child and grandkids if they want them or a house a little fuller. My oldest doesn’t want kids, so hopefully my little ones decide to have some. It’s a gamble. I want grandkids! 😂, I have 2 girls. My 4 year old is diagnosed with ASD and my 2 year old seems neuro-typical thus far. We feel guilty as parents watching our 2 year old sore through all these milestones we didn't experience with our first, but they are both such beautifully different souls. Somedays are challenging, but we love them both so much and wouldn't change anything., I was already pregnant when my son was diagnosed at 18 months. 7 years later had another. My brother has classic autism, my son has classic autism. 7 years of genetic testing and they still say there are no genetic markers. So I figure it’s already an anomaly that my son has it, can’t happen again right?, Hi, good question. My oldest is going on 5 and is level 1. Things are pretty mild- long story short- yes, we didn’t hesitate to try and get pregnant. My youngest is 3 and has no signs of autism whatsoever. They are each other’s best mate and I wouldn’t do anything different. They play together so well. Good luck to you!, I wanted to have another child too, but I didn't because even raising a 3 three year old who is level 3, is a lot in itself. Not only that, I thought about the life I want to have and having another child would probably either make it non existent or just extremely much more difficult and I don't want that. Eventually I would like to adopt, but older children. Probably like 6 and up. My daughter also likes being an only child lol she only parallel plays, she does not play well either other kids., Question: Do you have people that can help out? ie. Parents, respite providers, etc? How helpful is your partner at home and how much time can they get off work? If your support system isn’t great, then you may want to reconsider, because it is TOUGH in the beginning and you’ll need all the help you can get. Trust me, I speak from experience. My two kids are pretty good now, but juggling a newborn and my severely ASD child was difficult and I wouldn’t have survived without my family!, Our ASD champ is our second born. He requires substantial supports. I wanted more children, my husband was dead set on no. He caved in the end but if he wasn't in 100% I wasn't going to try.  He said it would strain us financially and mentally if we had another ASD child. And that a baby would take away from the care and attention J currently needs. The odds were against us as far as stats too. We would more than likely have another ASD child, and I don't see us managing two kids needing substantial support. We're considering becoming foster parents as he gets older and less dependent. , Our oldest is level 1 - very HFA - with an ADHD co-diagnosis. He’s gifted academically, but really struggles with basic organizational tasks and impulse control when it comes to screens so he still requires a lot of our time/energy. We didn’t receive his autism diagnosis though until he was around 10 — our youngest was conceived via IVF when he was 6 (we started TTC naturally when he was 4). There’s never a guarantee that a child will have an autism/autism free life. I think for us, the choice was more whether we wanted our first child to be the only experience we would have with parenting. I encourage you to also think of it from this perspective—a second child that is NT can also help reframe what it means to be a parent. My personal experience was that it brought the joy that I never got in my first pregnancy because of the circumstances (unexpected, unwelcome by in-laws) — and I was able to experience the difference in parenting an NT child (and trying to navigate helping that child understand the needs of a non-NT one)., So, our son is level 1. We had wanted 2 kids and did not suspect autism, but did suspect ADHD. By the time we were able to get our son diagnosed (at almost 9), our daughter was 2.5. We had her evaluated shortly after receiving our son's AuDHD diagnosis. She's level 2-3 (2 based on abilities reported but not shown during eval, 3 based on behavior during). Ymmv, but be aware that your second could require quite a bit more time/attention/services than your first for longer than those first few years., I did. My oldest is level 3 and non verbal, turning 6 this summer. My second son just turned 1 in February. The decision was made because I wanted another child for a long time. I also accepted the fact that anything could happen when making that choice. Once we made it out of the newborn days my oldests son routine went back to being perfectly the same. I just incorporated the younger one into the routine. Also I didn’t have a second until my first was in school full time., My oldest was diagnosed before the DSM used levels. The doctors said he had Classic Autism without a learning disability. We knew something was different about him from the time he was an infant, but it took 3 years to get our concerns taken seriously. I was fine with him being an only child, but my husband wanted another baby. We got pregnant with her at around the same time as my son got his formal medical diagnosis. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult to be mother to a newborn and simultaneously navigating the process of getting therapies for my oldest. We had in-home ABA 30 hours a week while I had a breastfeeding infant. I was overwhelmed for several years. Now they're both teenagers. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and she's actually been the more challenging child to parent. But I love them both deeply, and I have no regrets about how my family came to be., I’m going to come at this from the opposite side. My second child is autistic my first is NT. They are 6 and 3. At the moment my heart aches for my oldest because she is the target of our seconds aggression lately and she does not yet understand that Mia is ND. When they were both a little younger before we got a diagnosis she would always say “you only love Mia and not me anymore” because she required a lot of support and attention. I’m sure one day she will understand. But it’s fuckinf hard. I love both my girls so much. I will not be having a third., No, I got a vasectomy even before knowing that he had autism. Her experience giving birth at 5 months was awful and traumatic., I have 3 kids. So far, oldest is the only one on the spectrum. He has regressive autism. Met all milestones until about 22 months., There was a time when I considered that having a sibling to teach and learn from would be beneficial to all, but the risk of having an additional autistic child squashed that notion. Ours is enough., Since autism is mostly genetic, I decided not to have another child after my daughter was diagnosed at 3 years old. On my husband's side of the family, his 2 cousins and nephew are autistic. I don't think I can handle another child with autism, it's too much mentally, physically and emotionally and also, I feel that it's really unfair to the child., Yes, conceived before we had a diagnosis on the first. She's also on the spectrum and possibly dyslexic. No regrets, though it was very hard early on. Kids are doing great, seem to genuinely love one another as siblings., This is asked every other day it might be helpful to search for it to hear more comments because at this point people might just scroll by or think they answered this one., Same here, Same. My 5 year old has really started trying to socialize with my 1 year old. It’s wonderful seeing them bond, Same, I am worried about my two sons when they get older and I’m not around. Any advice on this, we are so scared of that everyday since my oldest is high support needs level 3 and does not play with others or toys functionally at all, has only a couple words, omg your user name 😂🙏🏼, I am in a similar situation, in that there are other factors at play. We conceived through IVF, as I have a blocked Fallopian tube and irregular cycles (I'm technically able to conceive the "old-fashioned" way, but it's a *very* low chance of ever happening), which comes along with a whole other set of expenses and meds. I also had spontaneous premature labor (36 weeks and thankfully needed no NICU time), which raises my chances in subsequent pregnancies. Additionally, I had severe PPA/PPD and had to change the meds I had been on for nearly ten years. My son also has a lot of cousins nearby, which is a good point that I forget about sometimes. Thanks so much for your insight, We’re in a similar situation. Our oldest was diagnosed as level 3 not long after we had fraternal twins. One of the twins has now been diagnosed level 3 as well. I don’t know any other parents of more than one level 3 kid, either. A lot of the kids in my eldest’s moderate/severe special ed class are only children or have NT siblings., I'm barely functioning also... do you know if there is any support for parents?? I love my son to pieces, but I'm pushing myself so hard to keep up that I'm just in tears by the end of the day a lot of days. I can't lose it while with him, so it builds up, and by the end of the day, I can sometimes find myself just crying out of pure exhaustion. I'm just so tired all of the time. He's so sweet and a happy child. But he's nonverbal and getting older, and so he gets frustrated (understandably so). He's learning Proloquo2go, so that's been helpful, but he's just started learning it this month. I always thought I'd have two children, but I don't think it would be fair to my son to have a second child. He deserves the world, and if I have a second child, I would have no idea how to give him the time and support he needs while trying to care for a new baby., This is how I felt exactly. My son is 3 and we have an almost 5 month old girl too. I felt slightly guilty that I was hoping for some of the typical parenting experiences too. No idea what our daughter will be but these are some of the things that I hoped for., That would be my thought as well, giving it a little bit more time could avoid spreading yourself too thin and give time to consider, I know, it’s also that being older we won’t be around for as much of their lives to support them and some autistic people require support forever. It’s a scary thought since I am older as well. I have a 2 year old and 2 month old, I second this!, This is awesome, TBF adoption can come with its own challenges. I hope your wife can get the care and supports she needs to recover smoothly, those experiences don’t tend to get away on their own anytime soon, I have a level 3 son as well, and I can tell you that most adoption agencies won’t even consider you to adopt a child if you already have a level 3 autistic child you’re caring for. Plus adoption is incredibly unethical anyway, even if you adopted a NT kid, they’d still most likely have behavioral issues as the result of the adoption. Wouldn’t be worth it or fair to either kid, Can you cite a source saying that children after first asd kid are more profound? I’m curious, This is a good point. My parents and my in-laws are all quite young (late 40s/early 50s - hubs and I are both the oldest in our families and our parents had us pretty young) so they still work full time with the exception of my MIL. My BIL is a single dad, so she helps a lot with his child. I have a relative who currently babysits my son a few days a week, but that's about it. My husband is helpful with our son, but he works a *lot* and sometimes is not home u til 9 or 10 pm, I don’t know, my boy is probably level 2 but he’s 5yo now and my daughter level 1 so I can’t advise. Maybe search and reserve a spot at a group home for your son when he turns 18?, "Depriving him" of sibling(s) is probably the thing I battled with the most. Knowing there's a chance he might struggle to make friends, the idea of a built-in friend for life was appealing. But the reality is that I have practically no relationship with my brother. My wife barely talks to her brother. There's no guarantee that siblings will grow up to be close. The way I see it now is if he's got beef with his cousins, at least they live in separate houses 😂, Sounds like you already made your decision, OP! ❤️, It’s the same with my son’s special ed class. 1 is an only child, and the other 2 kids have neurotypical siblings. My son is 1 of 4 children in his class, so not a big pool to gauge this on, Try to find respite services in your area., Honestly, I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. My daughter’s 3 years, 8 months, I’m just trying to persevere in the hope that it gets better down the line, as apparently the symptoms, if that’s the right word in some cases, tend to ease by age 6. Meantime, we’re trying everything we can for her, such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc, etc, but I’m having to pay for all of this myself, due to the fact that we live in the UK, and the National Health Service is a disaster at the moment. We’ve been waiting nearly 18 months so far just for an autism assessment, so we don’t even have a diagnosis yet. You may find being able to vent in places like here helps, and others have said, try to see if you can find respite care services near you., I felt guilt too, but at the same time logically there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to hear a sweet toddler funny speech and them imitating everything you do and watch typical development unfold without having to constantly find therapies to develop basic skills. I love my disabled child more than anything and I wouldn’t ever trade having him or the lessons I have learnt from him, but it’s also nice to be able to a cafe with my girl and have a coffee and have her naturally join in., It's definitely not 100% proven but my OB told me this is a current hypothesis, though she's not an autism specialist. Other sources echo this claim, though of course there is still so much about this disorder that we don't understand! There are many statistics that may skew the probability (how do you measure intelligence?; do the families in these studies have a heritable genetic defect? etc.) [https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/](https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/), Yes and they might be more likely to play independently anyway being on the spectrum as well. So I would rather have him with ND friends than take a gamble with another kid, Thank you for your advice. I had never heard of respite before. I am curious if it is something they would do with me home still so that I know he's safe, but still just gives me an extra set of hands here and there to help me. I'm going to google more about it. Thank you. 🧸, Thank you so much. We have been waiting 13 months for his appt so far with a developmental pediatrician, so we don't have a formal diagnosis either yet. I am sorry you are having to pay for everything, I know that adds up quickly. I pay $30/month for his services here in the US. But they just started. He gets speech 3x week 30 mins & OT 2x week 30 mins. They just started teaching us Proloquo2go. The iPad mini, case with strap, and the Proloquo2go program were $1050.00. He doesn't have any words, but he is using the program to request simple things like food or an episode of Blippi. Edit to add: my son is 4 years 2 months. So he is pretty close in age to your daughter., I have a 9 year old and a 6 month old. Even though she’s just a baby she’s helped him become more social and use speech more. He wants to teach her and communicate with her., We made the decision to only have the one child. I do find myself jealous of my friends with two. But mentally I can't handle a second autistic child if we had one., I have 3 kids. Older two are autistic. I didn’t know my oldest has asd until my second child was an infant and I was already pregnant with third. Son was diagnosed at 3, daughter diagnosed at 2, and unknown about my baby son. We made it work in the house and my kids are doing allright., We were pretty sure we were one and done before our son's diagnosis. There are a million little reasons and not really any big one. My wife had a difficult pregnancy and somewhat traumatic labor experience that turned her off to the idea of going through it all over again. My sister's family lives a mile down the road and our son will grow up with cousins close in age, and that gives us some comfort about not giving him any siblings. The "starter home" we bought is now looking like our forever home thanks to the terrible real estate market...it works for a family of 3 but would be tight otherwise. We're both pushing 40 now so it feels like that ship has sailed regardless. We don't have any regrets. A change like another child would rock our son's world. We're happy as a family of 3, and we're able to give him 100% of our focus. That being said, everyone's situation is different. I think big families are great, it just wasn't right for us., I didn't know my oldest was autistic. I had concerns about his development, but my kids are under 3 years apart. It was during my pregnancy I went, "oh...boy." Both of my kids are autistic, level 3.  They'll need me forever,  but they've made great progress. I'm glad they'll always have each other. We've started bonding with some other families in similar boats. I can understand, because the needs with a level 2/3 child are different.  If you can't imagine that life - I think the decision is made.  I am the only person I know with multiple autistic children who are level 3 - most seem to have either level 1 kids, or they have a single level 3 kid. That's completely anecdotal and YMMV. , Our first child’s autistic, so she’ll be our only child. I’m barely clinging on as it is, another one, autistic or not, would just break me., Mine is 8 and an only child, just recently diagnosed. The bigger part of me is glad that I knew my limitations as I have my own struggles, but another part of me is worried that I’ve limited her close relationships and she always wants me to “play” which is really a challenge for me. (She’s staring me down as I type this so I should get back to repeating the same “chattermax” scene we’ve played for over an hour now) At this point the age gap would be too much for them to have a type of peer support and I know that a baby or toddler around would be a nightmare for her (and me tbh I love the breaks that I *do* get) That’s just my position, I think either way you’ll be able to fully love and support your first no matter what you decide., Yes I have a level 2 autistic 5 year old (also with ID and epilepsy) and a NT 3 year old daughter. It was the best thing we did. We love them both so much, she has helped my boy, and it’s also been nice to have the typical parenting experience through her. It has helped me be more accepting of my boy because as much as I want things like for him to talk and be able to take him out for a meal, I have these things with my girl so I don’t mourn it as much as I did. I still want to converse with my boy so badly but would be happy with any form of communication., I have 2 autistic kids, 2 years apart. I had no developmental or behavioral concerns with my older child before I got pregnant. I've always wanted a big family, but I felt that it wouldn't be fair to further divide my (very limited) resources when I already have 2 autistic kids. I am, however, very grateful that I have 2 kids and I think they both benefit tremendously from having a sibling. Life was VERY hard when they were little, but things are so much easier now. If waiting is a possibility, things might settle down in the future, and you might feel more equipped to handle another child once your first is a bit older., I only have one and am very much on the fence about having another and losing sleep about it. I think my mind changes every day. Some days are so hard and I think there’s no way in hell I could handle two particularly if both ND. Other days my little girl is so delightful I wouldn’t mind 10 of her. I’m 41 so I don’t have much time to decide., We were one and done all through pregnancy and the early years. Then waffled a bit and considered it but never ended up doing it. We had a later diagnosis (ASD lvl 1, PDA profile) at 6 but adhd problems presented as early as 3. While I think it would have been fine had we had a second when he was 3-5, we are having very serious behavior issues as we roll into year 7 and I do not think a baby would be safe around him. I am confident in our choice to stay with one. We can accommodate him, schedule our work and schedules for his therapy needs, give him full focus and attention. We definitely have ASD in the genetic pool and if for some reason we had a second with similar behaviors, or more severe behaviors, I don’t think I could do it. Not to mention i don’t want to pay for daycare again haha, I have a kid in college and three kids 5 and under. My 5 yo is diagnosed with ASD, level 2-3. He is semi-verbal (but not conversational). We got pregnant with my 4yo way before he was diagnosed - we were planning on having another but got pregnant MUCH sooner than expected after birth control failure lol. We chose to have our 4th. My 3rd has some speech delay and is on the wait list to get tested, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have it. So far my youngest shows no signs. It is challenging, but I have no regrets., I have a severely autistic 6 year old and a still waiting 15 month old with a speech delay. It took us a few years to decide on having another, but it was the right decision despite the challenges my older son has., We are one and done. We were one and done before the diagnosis. Our nearly 3 year old had a really traumatic start, unexpected and extended NICU stay, and we’re old. We just decided the day we brought her home from the hospital that we never wanted to hear the NICU alarms again., We didn't know until my second child was already here. I probably wouldn't have had a second but my second child is awesome and fun. I think she has helped my son grow as a person., I didn't want to have a second kid after my son was diagnosed with level 3 autism at 2 years old. But life finds a way... After 3 days of crying about his diagnosis, I began to feel nauseous. I took a test and that's when I realized I was pregnant. Me and my husband were not careful one time and a doctor once told me I was infertile because it took so long for me to get pregnant with my son. We were not expecting this. I couldn't find it in me to have an abortion and here I am 20 weeks pregnant. I hope the baby is neurotypical because I already pay so much therapy for my son. I don't want to do it again but we'll see... I was recently told we're gonna have a little girl., I’m a solid 4 for 4 on autism with my kids. My oldest 3 were diagnosed with Asperger’s in 2011. They are 18,15 and 14. My oldest is in college for fire safety, my 15 year old has made honor roll all this year. My 14 year old is struggling with school and bullying. No therapies were done but did have Early Intervention and First Steps available. Had another kid in 2019 and she’s level 2. It’s all I know is working with my ND kids. She’s been the hardest one with the potty training and some motor skills but she has gotten a lot better with her speech. In the middle of applying for Medicaid since we just moved, therapy was too expensive to pay out of pocket ($850 a month!), I was already pregnant when my son got diagnosed and I had my daughter at the end of February. My friends son who is asd is almost 7 and she has 3 kids now, two after him and as of right now there’s no concerns for her other two. So I guess just all depends on what you think you can handle, I have a 3.5 year old level 1 son and a 9 month old. These 9 months have been pretty hard not going to lie but it’s starting to get a bit easier. My oldest 1.5-2.5 was really bad for everyone but now 3+ it’s alot easier. He still gets jealous and frustrated at his little bro but now there are good signs he likes him etc. still it’s a huge huge change you hav 0 time if you wanted to switch between spouses for a break really, I had my second before my first was diagnosed (low support needs). She is NT but had I known about the diagnosis, it wouldn’t have changed my mind about having a second. I am an only child and my husband has three siblings; we knew we wanted 2+ children., We had twins. Both on the spectrum. I got snipped. We thought rolling the dice again would be foolish and selfish., I have a 2 year old and a newborn. I love them but I can’t devote the hours and hours to joint attention and teaching my first born. My 2 month old does it have eye contact and cannot lift head up as well, so I know he will take a lot of work and physio as well. For me it would have been one and done if I had of known. I worry about our finances. We didn’t wait because I’m getting older and we were ready. But I do encourage people to wait until the kid is at least 5 to see how they are progressing and see if they could handle another child who could be more severe. There are also issues with autism like abnormal airways, epilepsy and auto immune as well as heart issues, so it’s definitely something to not go into the decision lightly, I have two. A 5yo son with Autism (I'm in the UK and we weren't given a level) and a 2yo daughter. So far, from our experience with my son. We haven't seen any traits of autism in our daughter. But since she's become 2 and gotten more talkative and more personality. We've certainly seen positive changes in our son. He plays a lot more with her now. They talk to each other without a parent in between, which I find cool and strange. They say to each other that they love and miss each other and he even hugs her, unprompted too. Which for me, has been the sweetest thing I've seen him do. It's been a delight to see how she has shaped him more affectionately and develop his social skills further., Oldest is 5 waiting for AuAdhd diagnosis (we don’t use levels here but she’d be lvl1 I assume), youngest is 13 months now. I never ever ever thought I’d have another, but things briefly got relatively easier around 2-3 and we started considering it. I was 36 at this point and knew early menopause runs in my family. My sister then started going through it and so can’t have children, and my husbands brother is struggling to conceive with his partner who is older. This pushed us to have another as we knew it would be likely she’d have no close family in our country (99% of my family live in another country, she’s never met them due to Covid and the struggles of travelling with an autistic child). I was never set on two at all but I fell pregnant straight away so didn’t have a chance to back out. Behaviour from oldest then got much much worse, physical aggression, screaming, hitting, biting etc. it was hell being pregnant and dealing with that. It’s only in the last 4 months or so that things feel a bit more regulated. I constantly look for signs in youngest, she’s not talking still, she’s not walking but she’s much much much calmer than my first, so that helps enormously. In some ways that has been hard as my first had such obvious likes/dislikes/sensory needs that I felt I knew her quicker, the youngest is very hard to figure out. She is just as silly and cheeky though. I love the mischief., We were trying for a second when we realized my son’s struggles. We are unsure what level of care he will need or how expensive it will be with private insurance and felt it was best not go continue trying. It wouldn’t be fair to either child. If it happened as an accident, it’d be a happy accident, but we are not actively trying anymore, My second one was already 1 year old when my first was diagnosed at 2.5. Now they are 5 and 4. My first was diagnosed with level 3. Now she has graduated out of all therapies etc. She might be a level 1 if we test now. I believe one of the things that helped her progress was also having a sibling. The bond between them is wonderful to see., My son was almost 3 when his sister was born, and his vocabulary boomed quite soon after and has continued as his sister's is developing. She is not on the spectrum and has a broad vocabulary at the age of 2. The adjustment wasn't difficult, quite honestly. I work from home, so I'm sure that made a difference., Honestly, you should think that there is a possibility of all that you mentioned. I do not have a second child, exactly for the reasons you mentioned. Hey, your second child might be neurotypical! But once a baby is here, there is no going back. I would prepare/consider for everything., My first is level 1 and was 3 years old when his little sister was born. She’s now 18 months old and appears neurotypical. My son also loves rigid routines, but having a sibling has helped him tremendously. He is a lot more flexible in his routines, eats lots more different foods after seeing his sister eating them, gives her hugs and plays with her all the time., We had another before we knew he was on the spectrum or how it was so severe. Turns out the second child actually flourished and developed quite well. Glad we didn’t turn back., I have 3.5 year old diagnosed with ASD at 2yrs old. My intention was not to have a second kid, but I couldn't bear the Idea of my kid growing up without a sibling or cousins. We are from India, living in USA, all of our family is in India. We don't have an option to adopt so decided to have second kid. My wife is 7months pregnant now., My wife got pregnant before our son recieved his level 3 diagnosis. they are now 5 and 3. my son had such a hard time when we brought his sister home and they still have some issues. Im glad my wife got pregnant when she did though because had my son been diagnosed prior to the pregnancy, I would have gotten the snip after just the one. and even though she is a pain in butt I love my daughter so much. Not a single regret. even on the hard days., My oldest was very recently diagnosed (like a month ago, he's 8.5) and I have two other children ages 6 and 3. I wouldn't change it for anything and sometimes I find myself wanting a 4th. His needs are minimal and he adores his siblings like 85% of the time., 14 M and 7 F. Both level 2 ASD. Didn't expect our daughter to be autistic but she is. It's hard but I would have regretted only having one child. Both are verbal without intellectual disabilities. My daughter is a girl scout. She asked to join. She's the one hand flapping and spinning while her troop sells cookies. Today though she actually ran a few customer's cards through the square device, said thank you to several customers and complimented every baby she met for being the cutest ever. She helped sell a lot of cookies. I was proud of her., I'm gradually persuading my wife to consider adoption. She feels overwhelmed with just one child, especially after a traumatic pregnancy experience. She's adamant about not wanting to go through that again. For me, adoption seems like the only option., It's our youngest. Our older two are very much neurotypical. We decided, though, he would be our last though. After a terrible pregnancy and his premature birth, my husband and I knew I couldn't do it again and his diagnosis solidified that. We love him and he's our perfect caboose to our train., I had my tubes tied after my Autistic child. Then BOOM had another child! 😳 they are exactly 2 years apart. The younger girl pulls the boy I believe. He said his first word which was swimming since my daughter was repeating it over and over again in the water. And it’s been like that since. I think it is a huge blessing but I do have acknowledge sometimes you have to make sure you balance the love and attention., No. It's my dream to have two, and my son seems like he'd like a buddy, but I can't imagine trying to manage two right now - especially if my second was autistic, too. The chance of that happening is just too great to risk it (people with 1 autistic child are many many times more likely to have a second autistic child, often with more severe needs). My son doesn't even have a single cousin. Breaks my heart 😢, Autistic person with an older brother here. For me it was (and still is) very helpful to have a sibling close in age (we're 3 years apart) to build social skills, learn how to apply them, and also because i feel he is one of the only people i can trust with my whole heart and will stand me when i'm grumpy and feeling like shit. All and all, its your decision, are you able to provide a safe home environment for two children and all that money jazz (i cant say a lot about money stuff, cuz im not american and i'm just a teen). Speaking solely in the perspective of the child, if they form a strong bond, that sibling will become a good friend for someone that doesn't make friends as easily as other kids, We did. But we waited 6yrs to do so., Yes, but he's only 11 minutes younger than his brother 🙃 I also have a third child, though I was pregnant with her before I even had an inkling that the boys might be autistic. I probably would have wanted a third child anyway though. Our family just didn't feel complete until she was born., We have a 4 and a half year old who is level 2. We just had our second child last week. My husband and I always wanted two kids and we didn’t change our mind after our first was diagnosed. We know there’s a risk our second will have it too, especially since he’s also a boy, but we have experience with ASD now and a support system of therapists and doctors. I also think having a sibling will be good for my eldest child, someone to socialise with when we’re at home., I don’t regret having more children at all. Even though they fight quite a bit my youngest is the only other kid my oldest plays or interact with at all. Seeing their bond forming is awesome even though it’s a slow process., Yes but it was six minutes after the first kid, so in our defense, we didn’t know yet., My daughter has ASD and Intellectual Disability so at 6 years old she is still non verbal. We wanted a second but waited until she started school when she turned 5 years old before having a second as we wanted to make sure we could focus on just her until she was in school. My son is now 17 months old and it's fine. My daughter struggled to adjust to how much attention he needed from me as a baby but now she's okay with it so it worked for us., My oldest has global developmental delay and my second is ASD 2. My suggestion is that you wait a year to revisit having a second. Planning such that your current child is already in kindergarten. I have two mostly mild to moderate needs kids and it gets very challenging to meet both of their needs. Once your youngest is a little older you will have a much better idea and the time to dedicate to early intervention if your second child needs some help too., We decided to have a second child. At the moment, I feel like it’s a disservice to our older, autistic child. Her younger sibling is so very clingy and needy. I don’t have enough energy. They completely drain me. But having a sibling will hopefully help our autistic daughter have support when she’s older. I know that’s unfair. Maybe they won’t get along, and maybe they’ll both need support. But I’m hopeful that they can lean on each other. As of right now, and most likely forever, they have no other siblings or cousins. At some point, it’ll just be the two of them. So I hope they can get along and help each other later in life. My younger daughter is older than 18 months now and developing typically. I actually had an obgyn try to discourage me from keeping the pregnancy. “You know it can happen again right??” she said. Our first daughter is nonverbal, but she doesn’t have meltdowns often, and she communicates in her own way that she loves us. I wasn’t scared to have two autistic kids., I did. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on my son's 2nd bday. He hadn't been diagnosed at that point. He's high functioning so it wasn't till he went to school that we even realized anything was wrong. Well we knew but not the extent of it. Autism never crossed our minds! But at that point I was already pregnant and didn't even consider the fact that she may be as well. Low and behold! She is. They both have autism and adhd. I would love a 3rd but the high possibility of them being autistic as what is stopping me. Them being autistic is not whats stopping me, it's everything that comes with it. It's exhausting. I'm always so busy and have absolutly no help. Between them both someone's at my house every day for services. I have anxiety and depression and honestly am prob autistic myself. So it's just ALOT lol. If I had more help I prob would but for right now I just wanna be able to give my full self and time to the two kiddos I have and make sure they're getting everything they need and deserve before bringing another child into the picture that I would also have to split my limited time with., Its like you were in my head when you wrote this, I am struggling with the same thing daily. So no judgement on my part, Not trying to discourage you, but you should be aware that multiple studies indicate Autism risk increases with the age of both parents., For your kids sake, I would say to have another. Being on the spectrum is already a hard and difficult life, but not to mention lonely as well. Having a sibling that loves them unconditionally and knows their problems and is willing to help guide them and support them is the best companion they can have. They may or may not come out on the spectrum, but I say make the sacrifice just so your son can have a life long friend., My son hasn’t been diagnosed yet but he is 3 and in a special needs class , he talks with his hands and doesn’t care for speaking just lots of gibberish. I have a 1 year old , who is verbal already and catches on quick. There is a big difference between her and my son when he was 1 when it comes to speech. He was one and a half when I got pregnant with her. They get along fine , and tbh we don’t we have a schedule just going with the flow. They both take up time , he is really clingy and she just started walking and wanting to know what things are. It can get hard dividing time also, my husband passes almost 1 year ago so it just me by myself (22f). He just started school and getting to be around my children his age , learning , he says words every now and then , things I didn’t even know he knew and won’t here it again for months. It can get frustrating, I really want and hope he can live a somewhat normal life when he becomes an adult ., We have three kids. Two on the spectrum, one with adhd and spectrum traits. My husband is on the spectrum and I have adhd. All of our kids were born before any of us were diagnosed. I think having one nd kid would be loads easier than three, but of course, we love them all., I'm in this same struggle currently with my husband. We have an almost 3 year old who is undiagnosed but clearly on the spectrum in some way. We have many times thought of having another and than back out due to fear of ruining our sons safe space and schedule. And also the fear of having a child higher on the spectrum. My son also has a bad eye and we have fear of worse health issues in a second child. Autism and mental health issues run through out my whole family so sadly I think we've landed on one and done. For the safety of everyone's well being. Adoption is not 100% out of our equation though after our son is a but older and school adjusted with proper drs., Just here to say, my first child is 3 and also recently diagnosed. I am currently expecting my 2nd child (pleasant surprise) - due in September. I will say I do worry about the stress load, as my son is a mamas boy.. and jealousy will probably be an issue. But I have put in work to form a very special relationship with my son and I know it will all work out. I think he'll eventually love having a little sibling. I'm excited to see their relationship grow., Level 1 first son. Got pregnant with my daughter when my son was only 10 months old. It’s beautiful to see their bond and I feel like they learn from each other so well. But I do feel the stress did not just double, probably 3-4x the amount with having a second. I constantly have to make sure my son is not accidentally hurting her with pushing, shoving, etc. I don’t think you’d regret having another child, you may even feel more fulfilled. I’d think about your support team around you and your stress level you have currently before you make a decision personally, We had our second (16 mo) well before getting the diagnosis of our older child (5). The second has largely been a good thing. It helps our older child to be more aware and social, andit can sometimes be a needed distraction when getting close to meltdown. Overall, I'm happy we had two, but we decided not to have any more. It doesn't seem like the younger one has ASD, at least comparing behaviors to the first at that age. Of course, it won't matter. I often worry that the second will always come second because the first, while only being level 1, demands a lot of attention right now and seems to be getting worse. We try to be equitable with our time., I was 6 months pregnant when my almost two-year-old son was diagnosed with autism. I would never have gotten pregnant if I had known. My first-born son is level 3 non-verbal and 21 years old. My second son is not autistic and 19 years old. Both of my boys are a blessing. My autistic son is the sweetest person that I have ever known. He is loving and easy going. My youngest son is also a caring, wonderful boy. It was nice to get to do so called "normal' things with my youngest (teaching him to drive, prom, college, etc...). And it's nice to know that he can look in on his brother (probably in a group home) after my husband and I are gone., Absolutely not. Even though I originally thought I’d want more than one, the thought of having *two* autistic kids was overwhelming. The *worst* thought though, was having a *normal* one and I didn’t trust myself to *not* be resentful of the autistic one and end up loving the “normal” one more. To this day I thank my lucky stars that I made that decision. 1) I have friends that had a “normal” first and an autistic second and third and they are stressed to the max and overwhelmed all the time and 2) If I had a “normal” one I *know* I would be so unfairly biased towards that one and being able to do all the “normal” things that I’d be treating the autistic one unfairly and resentfully 😔, Well we did but it kind of went the other way. Our youngest was Dx first (age 3), level 3, also has cerebral palsy and wheelchair (turning 5 soon). Eldest was Dx at age 7. He’s a level 2, but low support needs, and id say at the same age as your kid he’d have been a level 1 as well. Always needed routine even as a little baby. It’s hard, i cant sugar coat it. My eldest is doing amazing especially since starting meds (he’s turning 9 soon). Youngest attends a special ed pre school which is 45 mins away, eldest attends a mainstream school and generally does well there. So it’s tough. But. I love them both. And we just continue to learn along the way and figure it out along the way! Also i’ll add, my youngest was born right before covid hit, and we live in Melbourne, so we had about 2 years of uncertainty which was also really difficult. But we made it :), We had already had our second when our first was diagnosed, so we didn't really have the time to think about it. Both of our children are autistic, both at very different levels. I would say that unless you're prepared to add a child who is going to have high support needs, don't do it. You said pre-verbal was hard. Are you prepared for a non-verbal child? It's very hard having two, especially when they are at such a different place so even activities can't be synced up. I also want to touch on the sibling portion. Just because you both had a great sibling bond doesn't mean that an autistic child (or two as the case may be) will enjoy that same bond. It took years for my first to even really acknowledge my second, and my second still doesn't really want anything to do with my first. So, absolutely do not have a kid just to give your son a sibling bond, it's not a guaranteed thing, even with NT children. I don't say any of this to attack you. It's just that the harsh reality is that your next child could be a level 3, completely non-verbal child who is also self injuring. Not to mention the difficulty of having possibly two elopers (and even with just one taking both out alone becomes difficult). I absolutely adore my children, and I'm so happy to have them. But I'm also not really able to get a job outside the home due to needing childcare because finding suitable care after school is so difficult. It's very difficult having a child who is non-verbal, and you can't communicate much at all with them because they they also won't use signs or any kind of communication boards., My oldest is on the spectrum and I didn't know it at the time when I had another one. It got more obvious as he got older but I just thought he had traits then. he only had ADHD and anxiety and he showed sensory processing issues from a very young age. Stuff he did then was normal at his age and it got more and more obvious as he got older. He was also a big help when I had my daughter, he enjoyed playing with her and wanted to show her everything so that made my job easier lol. He would even tell me when she was awake in her crib or was smelly. He was a good brother., I have a 20f, 7f, and 4m (ND). I wish I would have had a sibling for my oldest. The age gap is something I would change. Imagine yourself during your retired years. Do you want to have Christmas or holidays with your one child and grandkids if they want them or a house a little fuller. My oldest doesn’t want kids, so hopefully my little ones decide to have some. It’s a gamble. I want grandkids! 😂, I have 2 girls. My 4 year old is diagnosed with ASD and my 2 year old seems neuro-typical thus far. We feel guilty as parents watching our 2 year old sore through all these milestones we didn't experience with our first, but they are both such beautifully different souls. Somedays are challenging, but we love them both so much and wouldn't change anything., I was already pregnant when my son was diagnosed at 18 months. 7 years later had another. My brother has classic autism, my son has classic autism. 7 years of genetic testing and they still say there are no genetic markers. So I figure it’s already an anomaly that my son has it, can’t happen again right?, Hi, good question. My oldest is going on 5 and is level 1. Things are pretty mild- long story short- yes, we didn’t hesitate to try and get pregnant. My youngest is 3 and has no signs of autism whatsoever. They are each other’s best mate and I wouldn’t do anything different. They play together so well. Good luck to you!, I wanted to have another child too, but I didn't because even raising a 3 three year old who is level 3, is a lot in itself. Not only that, I thought about the life I want to have and having another child would probably either make it non existent or just extremely much more difficult and I don't want that. Eventually I would like to adopt, but older children. Probably like 6 and up. My daughter also likes being an only child lol she only parallel plays, she does not play well either other kids., Question: Do you have people that can help out? ie. Parents, respite providers, etc? How helpful is your partner at home and how much time can they get off work? If your support system isn’t great, then you may want to reconsider, because it is TOUGH in the beginning and you’ll need all the help you can get. Trust me, I speak from experience. My two kids are pretty good now, but juggling a newborn and my severely ASD child was difficult and I wouldn’t have survived without my family!, Our ASD champ is our second born. He requires substantial supports. I wanted more children, my husband was dead set on no. He caved in the end but if he wasn't in 100% I wasn't going to try.  He said it would strain us financially and mentally if we had another ASD child. And that a baby would take away from the care and attention J currently needs. The odds were against us as far as stats too. We would more than likely have another ASD child, and I don't see us managing two kids needing substantial support. We're considering becoming foster parents as he gets older and less dependent. , Our oldest is level 1 - very HFA - with an ADHD co-diagnosis. He’s gifted academically, but really struggles with basic organizational tasks and impulse control when it comes to screens so he still requires a lot of our time/energy. We didn’t receive his autism diagnosis though until he was around 10 — our youngest was conceived via IVF when he was 6 (we started TTC naturally when he was 4). There’s never a guarantee that a child will have an autism/autism free life. I think for us, the choice was more whether we wanted our first child to be the only experience we would have with parenting. I encourage you to also think of it from this perspective—a second child that is NT can also help reframe what it means to be a parent. My personal experience was that it brought the joy that I never got in my first pregnancy because of the circumstances (unexpected, unwelcome by in-laws) — and I was able to experience the difference in parenting an NT child (and trying to navigate helping that child understand the needs of a non-NT one)., So, our son is level 1. We had wanted 2 kids and did not suspect autism, but did suspect ADHD. By the time we were able to get our son diagnosed (at almost 9), our daughter was 2.5. We had her evaluated shortly after receiving our son's AuDHD diagnosis. She's level 2-3 (2 based on abilities reported but not shown during eval, 3 based on behavior during). Ymmv, but be aware that your second could require quite a bit more time/attention/services than your first for longer than those first few years., I did. My oldest is level 3 and non verbal, turning 6 this summer. My second son just turned 1 in February. The decision was made because I wanted another child for a long time. I also accepted the fact that anything could happen when making that choice. Once we made it out of the newborn days my oldests son routine went back to being perfectly the same. I just incorporated the younger one into the routine. Also I didn’t have a second until my first was in school full time., My oldest was diagnosed before the DSM used levels. The doctors said he had Classic Autism without a learning disability. We knew something was different about him from the time he was an infant, but it took 3 years to get our concerns taken seriously. I was fine with him being an only child, but my husband wanted another baby. We got pregnant with her at around the same time as my son got his formal medical diagnosis. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult to be mother to a newborn and simultaneously navigating the process of getting therapies for my oldest. We had in-home ABA 30 hours a week while I had a breastfeeding infant. I was overwhelmed for several years. Now they're both teenagers. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and she's actually been the more challenging child to parent. But I love them both deeply, and I have no regrets about how my family came to be., I’m going to come at this from the opposite side. My second child is autistic my first is NT. They are 6 and 3. At the moment my heart aches for my oldest because she is the target of our seconds aggression lately and she does not yet understand that Mia is ND. When they were both a little younger before we got a diagnosis she would always say “you only love Mia and not me anymore” because she required a lot of support and attention. I’m sure one day she will understand. But it’s fuckinf hard. I love both my girls so much. I will not be having a third., No, I got a vasectomy even before knowing that he had autism. Her experience giving birth at 5 months was awful and traumatic., I have 3 kids. So far, oldest is the only one on the spectrum. He has regressive autism. Met all milestones until about 22 months., There was a time when I considered that having a sibling to teach and learn from would be beneficial to all, but the risk of having an additional autistic child squashed that notion. Ours is enough., Since autism is mostly genetic, I decided not to have another child after my daughter was diagnosed at 3 years old. On my husband's side of the family, his 2 cousins and nephew are autistic. I don't think I can handle another child with autism, it's too much mentally, physically and emotionally and also, I feel that it's really unfair to the child., Yes, conceived before we had a diagnosis on the first. She's also on the spectrum and possibly dyslexic. No regrets, though it was very hard early on. Kids are doing great, seem to genuinely love one another as siblings., This is asked every other day it might be helpful to search for it to hear more comments because at this point people might just scroll by or think they answered this one., Same here, Same. My 5 year old has really started trying to socialize with my 1 year old. It’s wonderful seeing them bond, Same, I am worried about my two sons when they get older and I’m not around. Any advice on this, we are so scared of that everyday since my oldest is high support needs level 3 and does not play with others or toys functionally at all, has only a couple words, omg your user name 😂🙏🏼, I am in a similar situation, in that there are other factors at play. We conceived through IVF, as I have a blocked Fallopian tube and irregular cycles (I'm technically able to conceive the "old-fashioned" way, but it's a *very* low chance of ever happening), which comes along with a whole other set of expenses and meds. I also had spontaneous premature labor (36 weeks and thankfully needed no NICU time), which raises my chances in subsequent pregnancies. Additionally, I had severe PPA/PPD and had to change the meds I had been on for nearly ten years. My son also has a lot of cousins nearby, which is a good point that I forget about sometimes. Thanks so much for your insight, We’re in a similar situation. Our oldest was diagnosed as level 3 not long after we had fraternal twins. One of the twins has now been diagnosed level 3 as well. I don’t know any other parents of more than one level 3 kid, either. A lot of the kids in my eldest’s moderate/severe special ed class are only children or have NT siblings., I'm barely functioning also... do you know if there is any support for parents?? I love my son to pieces, but I'm pushing myself so hard to keep up that I'm just in tears by the end of the day a lot of days. I can't lose it while with him, so it builds up, and by the end of the day, I can sometimes find myself just crying out of pure exhaustion. I'm just so tired all of the time. He's so sweet and a happy child. But he's nonverbal and getting older, and so he gets frustrated (understandably so). He's learning Proloquo2go, so that's been helpful, but he's just started learning it this month. I always thought I'd have two children, but I don't think it would be fair to my son to have a second child. He deserves the world, and if I have a second child, I would have no idea how to give him the time and support he needs while trying to care for a new baby., This is how I felt exactly. My son is 3 and we have an almost 5 month old girl too. I felt slightly guilty that I was hoping for some of the typical parenting experiences too. No idea what our daughter will be but these are some of the things that I hoped for., That would be my thought as well, giving it a little bit more time could avoid spreading yourself too thin and give time to consider, I know, it’s also that being older we won’t be around for as much of their lives to support them and some autistic people require support forever. It’s a scary thought since I am older as well. I have a 2 year old and 2 month old, I second this!, This is awesome, TBF adoption can come with its own challenges. I hope your wife can get the care and supports she needs to recover smoothly, those experiences don’t tend to get away on their own anytime soon, I have a level 3 son as well, and I can tell you that most adoption agencies won’t even consider you to adopt a child if you already have a level 3 autistic child you’re caring for. Plus adoption is incredibly unethical anyway, even if you adopted a NT kid, they’d still most likely have behavioral issues as the result of the adoption. Wouldn’t be worth it or fair to either kid, Can you cite a source saying that children after first asd kid are more profound? I’m curious, This is a good point. My parents and my in-laws are all quite young (late 40s/early 50s - hubs and I are both the oldest in our families and our parents had us pretty young) so they still work full time with the exception of my MIL. My BIL is a single dad, so she helps a lot with his child. I have a relative who currently babysits my son a few days a week, but that's about it. My husband is helpful with our son, but he works a *lot* and sometimes is not home u til 9 or 10 pm, I don’t know, my boy is probably level 2 but he’s 5yo now and my daughter level 1 so I can’t advise. Maybe search and reserve a spot at a group home for your son when he turns 18?, "Depriving him" of sibling(s) is probably the thing I battled with the most. Knowing there's a chance he might struggle to make friends, the idea of a built-in friend for life was appealing. But the reality is that I have practically no relationship with my brother. My wife barely talks to her brother. There's no guarantee that siblings will grow up to be close. The way I see it now is if he's got beef with his cousins, at least they live in separate houses 😂, Sounds like you already made your decision, OP! ❤️, It’s the same with my son’s special ed class. 1 is an only child, and the other 2 kids have neurotypical siblings. My son is 1 of 4 children in his class, so not a big pool to gauge this on, Try to find respite services in your area., Honestly, I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. My daughter’s 3 years, 8 months, I’m just trying to persevere in the hope that it gets better down the line, as apparently the symptoms, if that’s the right word in some cases, tend to ease by age 6. Meantime, we’re trying everything we can for her, such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc, etc, but I’m having to pay for all of this myself, due to the fact that we live in the UK, and the National Health Service is a disaster at the moment. We’ve been waiting nearly 18 months so far just for an autism assessment, so we don’t even have a diagnosis yet. You may find being able to vent in places like here helps, and others have said, try to see if you can find respite care services near you., I felt guilt too, but at the same time logically there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to hear a sweet toddler funny speech and them imitating everything you do and watch typical development unfold without having to constantly find therapies to develop basic skills. I love my disabled child more than anything and I wouldn’t ever trade having him or the lessons I have learnt from him, but it’s also nice to be able to a cafe with my girl and have a coffee and have her naturally join in., It's definitely not 100% proven but my OB told me this is a current hypothesis, though she's not an autism specialist. Other sources echo this claim, though of course there is still so much about this disorder that we don't understand! There are many statistics that may skew the probability (how do you measure intelligence?; do the families in these studies have a heritable genetic defect? etc.) [https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/](https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/), Yes and they might be more likely to play independently anyway being on the spectrum as well. So I would rather have him with ND friends than take a gamble with another kid, Thank you for your advice. I had never heard of respite before. I am curious if it is something they would do with me home still so that I know he's safe, but still just gives me an extra set of hands here and there to help me. I'm going to google more about it. Thank you. 🧸, Thank you so much. We have been waiting 13 months for his appt so far with a developmental pediatrician, so we don't have a formal diagnosis either yet. I am sorry you are having to pay for everything, I know that adds up quickly. I pay $30/month for his services here in the US. But they just started. He gets speech 3x week 30 mins & OT 2x week 30 mins. They just started teaching us Proloquo2go. The iPad mini, case with strap, and the Proloquo2go program were $1050.00. He doesn't have any words, but he is using the program to request simple things like food or an episode of Blippi. Edit to add: my son is 4 years 2 months. So he is pretty close in age to your daughter., I have a 9 year old and a 6 month old. Even though she’s just a baby she’s helped him become more social and use speech more. He wants to teach her and communicate with her., We made the decision to only have the one child. I do find myself jealous of my friends with two. But mentally I can't handle a second autistic child if we had one., I have 3 kids. Older two are autistic. I didn’t know my oldest has asd until my second child was an infant and I was already pregnant with third. Son was diagnosed at 3, daughter diagnosed at 2, and unknown about my baby son. We made it work in the house and my kids are doing allright., We were pretty sure we were one and done before our son's diagnosis. There are a million little reasons and not really any big one. My wife had a difficult pregnancy and somewhat traumatic labor experience that turned her off to the idea of going through it all over again. My sister's family lives a mile down the road and our son will grow up with cousins close in age, and that gives us some comfort about not giving him any siblings. The "starter home" we bought is now looking like our forever home thanks to the terrible real estate market...it works for a family of 3 but would be tight otherwise. We're both pushing 40 now so it feels like that ship has sailed regardless. We don't have any regrets. A change like another child would rock our son's world. We're happy as a family of 3, and we're able to give him 100% of our focus. That being said, everyone's situation is different. I think big families are great, it just wasn't right for us., I didn't know my oldest was autistic. I had concerns about his development, but my kids are under 3 years apart. It was during my pregnancy I went, "oh...boy." Both of my kids are autistic, level 3.  They'll need me forever,  but they've made great progress. I'm glad they'll always have each other. We've started bonding with some other families in similar boats. I can understand, because the needs with a level 2/3 child are different.  If you can't imagine that life - I think the decision is made.  I am the only person I know with multiple autistic children who are level 3 - most seem to have either level 1 kids, or they have a single level 3 kid. That's completely anecdotal and YMMV. , Our first child’s autistic, so she’ll be our only child. I’m barely clinging on as it is, another one, autistic or not, would just break me., Mine is 8 and an only child, just recently diagnosed. The bigger part of me is glad that I knew my limitations as I have my own struggles, but another part of me is worried that I’ve limited her close relationships and she always wants me to “play” which is really a challenge for me. (She’s staring me down as I type this so I should get back to repeating the same “chattermax” scene we’ve played for over an hour now) At this point the age gap would be too much for them to have a type of peer support and I know that a baby or toddler around would be a nightmare for her (and me tbh I love the breaks that I *do* get) That’s just my position, I think either way you’ll be able to fully love and support your first no matter what you decide., Yes I have a level 2 autistic 5 year old (also with ID and epilepsy) and a NT 3 year old daughter. It was the best thing we did. We love them both so much, she has helped my boy, and it’s also been nice to have the typical parenting experience through her. It has helped me be more accepting of my boy because as much as I want things like for him to talk and be able to take him out for a meal, I have these things with my girl so I don’t mourn it as much as I did. I still want to converse with my boy so badly but would be happy with any form of communication., I have 2 autistic kids, 2 years apart. I had no developmental or behavioral concerns with my older child before I got pregnant. I've always wanted a big family, but I felt that it wouldn't be fair to further divide my (very limited) resources when I already have 2 autistic kids. I am, however, very grateful that I have 2 kids and I think they both benefit tremendously from having a sibling. Life was VERY hard when they were little, but things are so much easier now. If waiting is a possibility, things might settle down in the future, and you might feel more equipped to handle another child once your first is a bit older., I only have one and am very much on the fence about having another and losing sleep about it. I think my mind changes every day. Some days are so hard and I think there’s no way in hell I could handle two particularly if both ND. Other days my little girl is so delightful I wouldn’t mind 10 of her. I’m 41 so I don’t have much time to decide., We were one and done all through pregnancy and the early years. Then waffled a bit and considered it but never ended up doing it. We had a later diagnosis (ASD lvl 1, PDA profile) at 6 but adhd problems presented as early as 3. While I think it would have been fine had we had a second when he was 3-5, we are having very serious behavior issues as we roll into year 7 and I do not think a baby would be safe around him. I am confident in our choice to stay with one. We can accommodate him, schedule our work and schedules for his therapy needs, give him full focus and attention. We definitely have ASD in the genetic pool and if for some reason we had a second with similar behaviors, or more severe behaviors, I don’t think I could do it. Not to mention i don’t want to pay for daycare again haha, I have a kid in college and three kids 5 and under. My 5 yo is diagnosed with ASD, level 2-3. He is semi-verbal (but not conversational). We got pregnant with my 4yo way before he was diagnosed - we were planning on having another but got pregnant MUCH sooner than expected after birth control failure lol. We chose to have our 4th. My 3rd has some speech delay and is on the wait list to get tested, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have it. So far my youngest shows no signs. It is challenging, but I have no regrets., I have a severely autistic 6 year old and a still waiting 15 month old with a speech delay. It took us a few years to decide on having another, but it was the right decision despite the challenges my older son has., We are one and done. We were one and done before the diagnosis. Our nearly 3 year old had a really traumatic start, unexpected and extended NICU stay, and we’re old. We just decided the day we brought her home from the hospital that we never wanted to hear the NICU alarms again., We didn't know until my second child was already here. I probably wouldn't have had a second but my second child is awesome and fun. I think she has helped my son grow as a person., I didn't want to have a second kid after my son was diagnosed with level 3 autism at 2 years old. But life finds a way... After 3 days of crying about his diagnosis, I began to feel nauseous. I took a test and that's when I realized I was pregnant. Me and my husband were not careful one time and a doctor once told me I was infertile because it took so long for me to get pregnant with my son. We were not expecting this. I couldn't find it in me to have an abortion and here I am 20 weeks pregnant. I hope the baby is neurotypical because I already pay so much therapy for my son. I don't want to do it again but we'll see... I was recently told we're gonna have a little girl., I’m a solid 4 for 4 on autism with my kids. My oldest 3 were diagnosed with Asperger’s in 2011. They are 18,15 and 14. My oldest is in college for fire safety, my 15 year old has made honor roll all this year. My 14 year old is struggling with school and bullying. No therapies were done but did have Early Intervention and First Steps available. Had another kid in 2019 and she’s level 2. It’s all I know is working with my ND kids. She’s been the hardest one with the potty training and some motor skills but she has gotten a lot better with her speech. In the middle of applying for Medicaid since we just moved, therapy was too expensive to pay out of pocket ($850 a month!), I was already pregnant when my son got diagnosed and I had my daughter at the end of February. My friends son who is asd is almost 7 and she has 3 kids now, two after him and as of right now there’s no concerns for her other two. So I guess just all depends on what you think you can handle, I have a 3.5 year old level 1 son and a 9 month old. These 9 months have been pretty hard not going to lie but it’s starting to get a bit easier. My oldest 1.5-2.5 was really bad for everyone but now 3+ it’s alot easier. He still gets jealous and frustrated at his little bro but now there are good signs he likes him etc. still it’s a huge huge change you hav 0 time if you wanted to switch between spouses for a break really, I had my second before my first was diagnosed (low support needs). She is NT but had I known about the diagnosis, it wouldn’t have changed my mind about having a second. I am an only child and my husband has three siblings; we knew we wanted 2+ children., We had twins. Both on the spectrum. I got snipped. We thought rolling the dice again would be foolish and selfish., I have a 2 year old and a newborn. I love them but I can’t devote the hours and hours to joint attention and teaching my first born. My 2 month old does it have eye contact and cannot lift head up as well, so I know he will take a lot of work and physio as well. For me it would have been one and done if I had of known. I worry about our finances. We didn’t wait because I’m getting older and we were ready. But I do encourage people to wait until the kid is at least 5 to see how they are progressing and see if they could handle another child who could be more severe. There are also issues with autism like abnormal airways, epilepsy and auto immune as well as heart issues, so it’s definitely something to not go into the decision lightly, I have two. A 5yo son with Autism (I'm in the UK and we weren't given a level) and a 2yo daughter. So far, from our experience with my son. We haven't seen any traits of autism in our daughter. But since she's become 2 and gotten more talkative and more personality. We've certainly seen positive changes in our son. He plays a lot more with her now. They talk to each other without a parent in between, which I find cool and strange. They say to each other that they love and miss each other and he even hugs her, unprompted too. Which for me, has been the sweetest thing I've seen him do. It's been a delight to see how she has shaped him more affectionately and develop his social skills further., Oldest is 5 waiting for AuAdhd diagnosis (we don’t use levels here but she’d be lvl1 I assume), youngest is 13 months now. I never ever ever thought I’d have another, but things briefly got relatively easier around 2-3 and we started considering it. I was 36 at this point and knew early menopause runs in my family. My sister then started going through it and so can’t have children, and my husbands brother is struggling to conceive with his partner who is older. This pushed us to have another as we knew it would be likely she’d have no close family in our country (99% of my family live in another country, she’s never met them due to Covid and the struggles of travelling with an autistic child). I was never set on two at all but I fell pregnant straight away so didn’t have a chance to back out. Behaviour from oldest then got much much worse, physical aggression, screaming, hitting, biting etc. it was hell being pregnant and dealing with that. It’s only in the last 4 months or so that things feel a bit more regulated. I constantly look for signs in youngest, she’s not talking still, she’s not walking but she’s much much much calmer than my first, so that helps enormously. In some ways that has been hard as my first had such obvious likes/dislikes/sensory needs that I felt I knew her quicker, the youngest is very hard to figure out. She is just as silly and cheeky though. I love the mischief., We were trying for a second when we realized my son’s struggles. We are unsure what level of care he will need or how expensive it will be with private insurance and felt it was best not go continue trying. It wouldn’t be fair to either child. If it happened as an accident, it’d be a happy accident, but we are not actively trying anymore, My second one was already 1 year old when my first was diagnosed at 2.5. Now they are 5 and 4. My first was diagnosed with level 3. Now she has graduated out of all therapies etc. She might be a level 1 if we test now. I believe one of the things that helped her progress was also having a sibling. The bond between them is wonderful to see., My son was almost 3 when his sister was born, and his vocabulary boomed quite soon after and has continued as his sister's is developing. She is not on the spectrum and has a broad vocabulary at the age of 2. The adjustment wasn't difficult, quite honestly. I work from home, so I'm sure that made a difference., Honestly, you should think that there is a possibility of all that you mentioned. I do not have a second child, exactly for the reasons you mentioned. Hey, your second child might be neurotypical! But once a baby is here, there is no going back. I would prepare/consider for everything., My first is level 1 and was 3 years old when his little sister was born. She’s now 18 months old and appears neurotypical. My son also loves rigid routines, but having a sibling has helped him tremendously. He is a lot more flexible in his routines, eats lots more different foods after seeing his sister eating them, gives her hugs and plays with her all the time., We had another before we knew he was on the spectrum or how it was so severe. Turns out the second child actually flourished and developed quite well. Glad we didn’t turn back., I have 3.5 year old diagnosed with ASD at 2yrs old. My intention was not to have a second kid, but I couldn't bear the Idea of my kid growing up without a sibling or cousins. We are from India, living in USA, all of our family is in India. We don't have an option to adopt so decided to have second kid. My wife is 7months pregnant now., My wife got pregnant before our son recieved his level 3 diagnosis. they are now 5 and 3. my son had such a hard time when we brought his sister home and they still have some issues. Im glad my wife got pregnant when she did though because had my son been diagnosed prior to the pregnancy, I would have gotten the snip after just the one. and even though she is a pain in butt I love my daughter so much. Not a single regret. even on the hard days., My oldest was very recently diagnosed (like a month ago, he's 8.5) and I have two other children ages 6 and 3. I wouldn't change it for anything and sometimes I find myself wanting a 4th. His needs are minimal and he adores his siblings like 85% of the time., 14 M and 7 F. Both level 2 ASD. Didn't expect our daughter to be autistic but she is. It's hard but I would have regretted only having one child. Both are verbal without intellectual disabilities. My daughter is a girl scout. She asked to join. She's the one hand flapping and spinning while her troop sells cookies. Today though she actually ran a few customer's cards through the square device, said thank you to several customers and complimented every baby she met for being the cutest ever. She helped sell a lot of cookies. I was proud of her., I'm gradually persuading my wife to consider adoption. She feels overwhelmed with just one child, especially after a traumatic pregnancy experience. She's adamant about not wanting to go through that again. For me, adoption seems like the only option., It's our youngest. Our older two are very much neurotypical. We decided, though, he would be our last though. After a terrible pregnancy and his premature birth, my husband and I knew I couldn't do it again and his diagnosis solidified that. We love him and he's our perfect caboose to our train., I had my tubes tied after my Autistic child. Then BOOM had another child! 😳 they are exactly 2 years apart. The younger girl pulls the boy I believe. He said his first word which was swimming since my daughter was repeating it over and over again in the water. And it’s been like that since. I think it is a huge blessing but I do have acknowledge sometimes you have to make sure you balance the love and attention., No. It's my dream to have two, and my son seems like he'd like a buddy, but I can't imagine trying to manage two right now - especially if my second was autistic, too. The chance of that happening is just too great to risk it (people with 1 autistic child are many many times more likely to have a second autistic child, often with more severe needs). My son doesn't even have a single cousin. Breaks my heart 😢, Autistic person with an older brother here. For me it was (and still is) very helpful to have a sibling close in age (we're 3 years apart) to build social skills, learn how to apply them, and also because i feel he is one of the only people i can trust with my whole heart and will stand me when i'm grumpy and feeling like shit. All and all, its your decision, are you able to provide a safe home environment for two children and all that money jazz (i cant say a lot about money stuff, cuz im not american and i'm just a teen). Speaking solely in the perspective of the child, if they form a strong bond, that sibling will become a good friend for someone that doesn't make friends as easily as other kids, We did. But we waited 6yrs to do so., Yes, but he's only 11 minutes younger than his brother 🙃 I also have a third child, though I was pregnant with her before I even had an inkling that the boys might be autistic. I probably would have wanted a third child anyway though. Our family just didn't feel complete until she was born., We have a 4 and a half year old who is level 2. We just had our second child last week. My husband and I always wanted two kids and we didn’t change our mind after our first was diagnosed. We know there’s a risk our second will have it too, especially since he’s also a boy, but we have experience with ASD now and a support system of therapists and doctors. I also think having a sibling will be good for my eldest child, someone to socialise with when we’re at home., I don’t regret having more children at all. Even though they fight quite a bit my youngest is the only other kid my oldest plays or interact with at all. Seeing their bond forming is awesome even though it’s a slow process., Yes but it was six minutes after the first kid, so in our defense, we didn’t know yet., My daughter has ASD and Intellectual Disability so at 6 years old she is still non verbal. We wanted a second but waited until she started school when she turned 5 years old before having a second as we wanted to make sure we could focus on just her until she was in school. My son is now 17 months old and it's fine. My daughter struggled to adjust to how much attention he needed from me as a baby but now she's okay with it so it worked for us., My oldest has global developmental delay and my second is ASD 2. My suggestion is that you wait a year to revisit having a second. Planning such that your current child is already in kindergarten. I have two mostly mild to moderate needs kids and it gets very challenging to meet both of their needs. Once your youngest is a little older you will have a much better idea and the time to dedicate to early intervention if your second child needs some help too., We decided to have a second child. At the moment, I feel like it’s a disservice to our older, autistic child. Her younger sibling is so very clingy and needy. I don’t have enough energy. They completely drain me. But having a sibling will hopefully help our autistic daughter have support when she’s older. I know that’s unfair. Maybe they won’t get along, and maybe they’ll both need support. But I’m hopeful that they can lean on each other. As of right now, and most likely forever, they have no other siblings or cousins. At some point, it’ll just be the two of them. So I hope they can get along and help each other later in life. My younger daughter is older than 18 months now and developing typically. I actually had an obgyn try to discourage me from keeping the pregnancy. “You know it can happen again right??” she said. Our first daughter is nonverbal, but she doesn’t have meltdowns often, and she communicates in her own way that she loves us. I wasn’t scared to have two autistic kids., I did. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on my son's 2nd bday. He hadn't been diagnosed at that point. He's high functioning so it wasn't till he went to school that we even realized anything was wrong. Well we knew but not the extent of it. Autism never crossed our minds! But at that point I was already pregnant and didn't even consider the fact that she may be as well. Low and behold! She is. They both have autism and adhd. I would love a 3rd but the high possibility of them being autistic as what is stopping me. Them being autistic is not whats stopping me, it's everything that comes with it. It's exhausting. I'm always so busy and have absolutly no help. Between them both someone's at my house every day for services. I have anxiety and depression and honestly am prob autistic myself. So it's just ALOT lol. If I had more help I prob would but for right now I just wanna be able to give my full self and time to the two kiddos I have and make sure they're getting everything they need and deserve before bringing another child into the picture that I would also have to split my limited time with., Its like you were in my head when you wrote this, I am struggling with the same thing daily. So no judgement on my part, Not trying to discourage you, but you should be aware that multiple studies indicate Autism risk increases with the age of both parents., For your kids sake, I would say to have another. Being on the spectrum is already a hard and difficult life, but not to mention lonely as well. Having a sibling that loves them unconditionally and knows their problems and is willing to help guide them and support them is the best companion they can have. They may or may not come out on the spectrum, but I say make the sacrifice just so your son can have a life long friend., My son hasn’t been diagnosed yet but he is 3 and in a special needs class , he talks with his hands and doesn’t care for speaking just lots of gibberish. I have a 1 year old , who is verbal already and catches on quick. There is a big difference between her and my son when he was 1 when it comes to speech. He was one and a half when I got pregnant with her. They get along fine , and tbh we don’t we have a schedule just going with the flow. They both take up time , he is really clingy and she just started walking and wanting to know what things are. It can get hard dividing time also, my husband passes almost 1 year ago so it just me by myself (22f). He just started school and getting to be around my children his age , learning , he says words every now and then , things I didn’t even know he knew and won’t here it again for months. It can get frustrating, I really want and hope he can live a somewhat normal life when he becomes an adult ., We have three kids. Two on the spectrum, one with adhd and spectrum traits. My husband is on the spectrum and I have adhd. All of our kids were born before any of us were diagnosed. I think having one nd kid would be loads easier than three, but of course, we love them all., I'm in this same struggle currently with my husband. We have an almost 3 year old who is undiagnosed but clearly on the spectrum in some way. We have many times thought of having another and than back out due to fear of ruining our sons safe space and schedule. And also the fear of having a child higher on the spectrum. My son also has a bad eye and we have fear of worse health issues in a second child. Autism and mental health issues run through out my whole family so sadly I think we've landed on one and done. For the safety of everyone's well being. Adoption is not 100% out of our equation though after our son is a but older and school adjusted with proper drs., Just here to say, my first child is 3 and also recently diagnosed. I am currently expecting my 2nd child (pleasant surprise) - due in September. I will say I do worry about the stress load, as my son is a mamas boy.. and jealousy will probably be an issue. But I have put in work to form a very special relationship with my son and I know it will all work out. I think he'll eventually love having a little sibling. I'm excited to see their relationship grow., Level 1 first son. Got pregnant with my daughter when my son was only 10 months old. It’s beautiful to see their bond and I feel like they learn from each other so well. But I do feel the stress did not just double, probably 3-4x the amount with having a second. I constantly have to make sure my son is not accidentally hurting her with pushing, shoving, etc. I don’t think you’d regret having another child, you may even feel more fulfilled. I’d think about your support team around you and your stress level you have currently before you make a decision personally, We had our second (16 mo) well before getting the diagnosis of our older child (5). The second has largely been a good thing. It helps our older child to be more aware and social, andit can sometimes be a needed distraction when getting close to meltdown. Overall, I'm happy we had two, but we decided not to have any more. It doesn't seem like the younger one has ASD, at least comparing behaviors to the first at that age. Of course, it won't matter. I often worry that the second will always come second because the first, while only being level 1, demands a lot of attention right now and seems to be getting worse. We try to be equitable with our time., I was 6 months pregnant when my almost two-year-old son was diagnosed with autism. I would never have gotten pregnant if I had known. My first-born son is level 3 non-verbal and 21 years old. My second son is not autistic and 19 years old. Both of my boys are a blessing. My autistic son is the sweetest person that I have ever known. He is loving and easy going. My youngest son is also a caring, wonderful boy. It was nice to get to do so called "normal' things with my youngest (teaching him to drive, prom, college, etc...). And it's nice to know that he can look in on his brother (probably in a group home) after my husband and I are gone., Absolutely not. Even though I originally thought I’d want more than one, the thought of having *two* autistic kids was overwhelming. The *worst* thought though, was having a *normal* one and I didn’t trust myself to *not* be resentful of the autistic one and end up loving the “normal” one more. To this day I thank my lucky stars that I made that decision. 1) I have friends that had a “normal” first and an autistic second and third and they are stressed to the max and overwhelmed all the time and 2) If I had a “normal” one I *know* I would be so unfairly biased towards that one and being able to do all the “normal” things that I’d be treating the autistic one unfairly and resentfully 😔, Well we did but it kind of went the other way. Our youngest was Dx first (age 3), level 3, also has cerebral palsy and wheelchair (turning 5 soon). Eldest was Dx at age 7. He’s a level 2, but low support needs, and id say at the same age as your kid he’d have been a level 1 as well. Always needed routine even as a little baby. It’s hard, i cant sugar coat it. My eldest is doing amazing especially since starting meds (he’s turning 9 soon). Youngest attends a special ed pre school which is 45 mins away, eldest attends a mainstream school and generally does well there. So it’s tough. But. I love them both. And we just continue to learn along the way and figure it out along the way! Also i’ll add, my youngest was born right before covid hit, and we live in Melbourne, so we had about 2 years of uncertainty which was also really difficult. But we made it :), We had already had our second when our first was diagnosed, so we didn't really have the time to think about it. Both of our children are autistic, both at very different levels. I would say that unless you're prepared to add a child who is going to have high support needs, don't do it. You said pre-verbal was hard. Are you prepared for a non-verbal child? It's very hard having two, especially when they are at such a different place so even activities can't be synced up. I also want to touch on the sibling portion. Just because you both had a great sibling bond doesn't mean that an autistic child (or two as the case may be) will enjoy that same bond. It took years for my first to even really acknowledge my second, and my second still doesn't really want anything to do with my first. So, absolutely do not have a kid just to give your son a sibling bond, it's not a guaranteed thing, even with NT children. I don't say any of this to attack you. It's just that the harsh reality is that your next child could be a level 3, completely non-verbal child who is also self injuring. Not to mention the difficulty of having possibly two elopers (and even with just one taking both out alone becomes difficult). I absolutely adore my children, and I'm so happy to have them. But I'm also not really able to get a job outside the home due to needing childcare because finding suitable care after school is so difficult. It's very difficult having a child who is non-verbal, and you can't communicate much at all with them because they they also won't use signs or any kind of communication boards., My oldest is on the spectrum and I didn't know it at the time when I had another one. It got more obvious as he got older but I just thought he had traits then. he only had ADHD and anxiety and he showed sensory processing issues from a very young age. Stuff he did then was normal at his age and it got more and more obvious as he got older. He was also a big help when I had my daughter, he enjoyed playing with her and wanted to show her everything so that made my job easier lol. He would even tell me when she was awake in her crib or was smelly. He was a good brother., I have a 20f, 7f, and 4m (ND). I wish I would have had a sibling for my oldest. The age gap is something I would change. Imagine yourself during your retired years. Do you want to have Christmas or holidays with your one child and grandkids if they want them or a house a little fuller. My oldest doesn’t want kids, so hopefully my little ones decide to have some. It’s a gamble. I want grandkids! 😂, I have 2 girls. My 4 year old is diagnosed with ASD and my 2 year old seems neuro-typical thus far. We feel guilty as parents watching our 2 year old sore through all these milestones we didn't experience with our first, but they are both such beautifully different souls. Somedays are challenging, but we love them both so much and wouldn't change anything., I was already pregnant when my son was diagnosed at 18 months. 7 years later had another. My brother has classic autism, my son has classic autism. 7 years of genetic testing and they still say there are no genetic markers. So I figure it’s already an anomaly that my son has it, can’t happen again right?, Hi, good question. My oldest is going on 5 and is level 1. Things are pretty mild- long story short- yes, we didn’t hesitate to try and get pregnant. My youngest is 3 and has no signs of autism whatsoever. They are each other’s best mate and I wouldn’t do anything different. They play together so well. Good luck to you!, I wanted to have another child too, but I didn't because even raising a 3 three year old who is level 3, is a lot in itself. Not only that, I thought about the life I want to have and having another child would probably either make it non existent or just extremely much more difficult and I don't want that. Eventually I would like to adopt, but older children. Probably like 6 and up. My daughter also likes being an only child lol she only parallel plays, she does not play well either other kids., Question: Do you have people that can help out? ie. Parents, respite providers, etc? How helpful is your partner at home and how much time can they get off work? If your support system isn’t great, then you may want to reconsider, because it is TOUGH in the beginning and you’ll need all the help you can get. Trust me, I speak from experience. My two kids are pretty good now, but juggling a newborn and my severely ASD child was difficult and I wouldn’t have survived without my family!, Our ASD champ is our second born. He requires substantial supports. I wanted more children, my husband was dead set on no. He caved in the end but if he wasn't in 100% I wasn't going to try.  He said it would strain us financially and mentally if we had another ASD child. And that a baby would take away from the care and attention J currently needs. The odds were against us as far as stats too. We would more than likely have another ASD child, and I don't see us managing two kids needing substantial support. We're considering becoming foster parents as he gets older and less dependent. , Our oldest is level 1 - very HFA - with an ADHD co-diagnosis. He’s gifted academically, but really struggles with basic organizational tasks and impulse control when it comes to screens so he still requires a lot of our time/energy. We didn’t receive his autism diagnosis though until he was around 10 — our youngest was conceived via IVF when he was 6 (we started TTC naturally when he was 4). There’s never a guarantee that a child will have an autism/autism free life. I think for us, the choice was more whether we wanted our first child to be the only experience we would have with parenting. I encourage you to also think of it from this perspective—a second child that is NT can also help reframe what it means to be a parent. My personal experience was that it brought the joy that I never got in my first pregnancy because of the circumstances (unexpected, unwelcome by in-laws) — and I was able to experience the difference in parenting an NT child (and trying to navigate helping that child understand the needs of a non-NT one)., So, our son is level 1. We had wanted 2 kids and did not suspect autism, but did suspect ADHD. By the time we were able to get our son diagnosed (at almost 9), our daughter was 2.5. We had her evaluated shortly after receiving our son's AuDHD diagnosis. She's level 2-3 (2 based on abilities reported but not shown during eval, 3 based on behavior during). Ymmv, but be aware that your second could require quite a bit more time/attention/services than your first for longer than those first few years., I did. My oldest is level 3 and non verbal, turning 6 this summer. My second son just turned 1 in February. The decision was made because I wanted another child for a long time. I also accepted the fact that anything could happen when making that choice. Once we made it out of the newborn days my oldests son routine went back to being perfectly the same. I just incorporated the younger one into the routine. Also I didn’t have a second until my first was in school full time., My oldest was diagnosed before the DSM used levels. The doctors said he had Classic Autism without a learning disability. We knew something was different about him from the time he was an infant, but it took 3 years to get our concerns taken seriously. I was fine with him being an only child, but my husband wanted another baby. We got pregnant with her at around the same time as my son got his formal medical diagnosis. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult to be mother to a newborn and simultaneously navigating the process of getting therapies for my oldest. We had in-home ABA 30 hours a week while I had a breastfeeding infant. I was overwhelmed for several years. Now they're both teenagers. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and she's actually been the more challenging child to parent. But I love them both deeply, and I have no regrets about how my family came to be., I’m going to come at this from the opposite side. My second child is autistic my first is NT. They are 6 and 3. At the moment my heart aches for my oldest because she is the target of our seconds aggression lately and she does not yet understand that Mia is ND. When they were both a little younger before we got a diagnosis she would always say “you only love Mia and not me anymore” because she required a lot of support and attention. I’m sure one day she will understand. But it’s fuckinf hard. I love both my girls so much. I will not be having a third., No, I got a vasectomy even before knowing that he had autism. Her experience giving birth at 5 months was awful and traumatic., I have 3 kids. So far, oldest is the only one on the spectrum. He has regressive autism. Met all milestones until about 22 months., There was a time when I considered that having a sibling to teach and learn from would be beneficial to all, but the risk of having an additional autistic child squashed that notion. Ours is enough., Since autism is mostly genetic, I decided not to have another child after my daughter was diagnosed at 3 years old. On my husband's side of the family, his 2 cousins and nephew are autistic. I don't think I can handle another child with autism, it's too much mentally, physically and emotionally and also, I feel that it's really unfair to the child., Yes, conceived before we had a diagnosis on the first. She's also on the spectrum and possibly dyslexic. No regrets, though it was very hard early on. Kids are doing great, seem to genuinely love one another as siblings., This is asked every other day it might be helpful to search for it to hear more comments because at this point people might just scroll by or think they answered this one., Same here, Same. My 5 year old has really started trying to socialize with my 1 year old. It’s wonderful seeing them bond, Same, I am worried about my two sons when they get older and I’m not around. Any advice on this, we are so scared of that everyday since my oldest is high support needs level 3 and does not play with others or toys functionally at all, has only a couple words, omg your user name 😂🙏🏼, I am in a similar situation, in that there are other factors at play. We conceived through IVF, as I have a blocked Fallopian tube and irregular cycles (I'm technically able to conceive the "old-fashioned" way, but it's a *very* low chance of ever happening), which comes along with a whole other set of expenses and meds. I also had spontaneous premature labor (36 weeks and thankfully needed no NICU time), which raises my chances in subsequent pregnancies. Additionally, I had severe PPA/PPD and had to change the meds I had been on for nearly ten years. My son also has a lot of cousins nearby, which is a good point that I forget about sometimes. Thanks so much for your insight, We’re in a similar situation. Our oldest was diagnosed as level 3 not long after we had fraternal twins. One of the twins has now been diagnosed level 3 as well. I don’t know any other parents of more than one level 3 kid, either. A lot of the kids in my eldest’s moderate/severe special ed class are only children or have NT siblings., I'm barely functioning also... do you know if there is any support for parents?? I love my son to pieces, but I'm pushing myself so hard to keep up that I'm just in tears by the end of the day a lot of days. I can't lose it while with him, so it builds up, and by the end of the day, I can sometimes find myself just crying out of pure exhaustion. I'm just so tired all of the time. He's so sweet and a happy child. But he's nonverbal and getting older, and so he gets frustrated (understandably so). He's learning Proloquo2go, so that's been helpful, but he's just started learning it this month. I always thought I'd have two children, but I don't think it would be fair to my son to have a second child. He deserves the world, and if I have a second child, I would have no idea how to give him the time and support he needs while trying to care for a new baby., This is how I felt exactly. My son is 3 and we have an almost 5 month old girl too. I felt slightly guilty that I was hoping for some of the typical parenting experiences too. No idea what our daughter will be but these are some of the things that I hoped for., That would be my thought as well, giving it a little bit more time could avoid spreading yourself too thin and give time to consider, I know, it’s also that being older we won’t be around for as much of their lives to support them and some autistic people require support forever. It’s a scary thought since I am older as well. I have a 2 year old and 2 month old, I second this!, This is awesome, TBF adoption can come with its own challenges. I hope your wife can get the care and supports she needs to recover smoothly, those experiences don’t tend to get away on their own anytime soon, I have a level 3 son as well, and I can tell you that most adoption agencies won’t even consider you to adopt a child if you already have a level 3 autistic child you’re caring for. Plus adoption is incredibly unethical anyway, even if you adopted a NT kid, they’d still most likely have behavioral issues as the result of the adoption. Wouldn’t be worth it or fair to either kid, Can you cite a source saying that children after first asd kid are more profound? I’m curious, This is a good point. My parents and my in-laws are all quite young (late 40s/early 50s - hubs and I are both the oldest in our families and our parents had us pretty young) so they still work full time with the exception of my MIL. My BIL is a single dad, so she helps a lot with his child. I have a relative who currently babysits my son a few days a week, but that's about it. My husband is helpful with our son, but he works a *lot* and sometimes is not home u til 9 or 10 pm, I don’t know, my boy is probably level 2 but he’s 5yo now and my daughter level 1 so I can’t advise. Maybe search and reserve a spot at a group home for your son when he turns 18?, "Depriving him" of sibling(s) is probably the thing I battled with the most. Knowing there's a chance he might struggle to make friends, the idea of a built-in friend for life was appealing. But the reality is that I have practically no relationship with my brother. My wife barely talks to her brother. There's no guarantee that siblings will grow up to be close. The way I see it now is if he's got beef with his cousins, at least they live in separate houses 😂, Sounds like you already made your decision, OP! ❤️, It’s the same with my son’s special ed class. 1 is an only child, and the other 2 kids have neurotypical siblings. My son is 1 of 4 children in his class, so not a big pool to gauge this on, Try to find respite services in your area., Honestly, I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. My daughter’s 3 years, 8 months, I’m just trying to persevere in the hope that it gets better down the line, as apparently the symptoms, if that’s the right word in some cases, tend to ease by age 6. Meantime, we’re trying everything we can for her, such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc, etc, but I’m having to pay for all of this myself, due to the fact that we live in the UK, and the National Health Service is a disaster at the moment. We’ve been waiting nearly 18 months so far just for an autism assessment, so we don’t even have a diagnosis yet. You may find being able to vent in places like here helps, and others have said, try to see if you can find respite care services near you., I felt guilt too, but at the same time logically there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to hear a sweet toddler funny speech and them imitating everything you do and watch typical development unfold without having to constantly find therapies to develop basic skills. I love my disabled child more than anything and I wouldn’t ever trade having him or the lessons I have learnt from him, but it’s also nice to be able to a cafe with my girl and have a coffee and have her naturally join in., It's definitely not 100% proven but my OB told me this is a current hypothesis, though she's not an autism specialist. Other sources echo this claim, though of course there is still so much about this disorder that we don't understand! There are many statistics that may skew the probability (how do you measure intelligence?; do the families in these studies have a heritable genetic defect? etc.) [https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/](https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/), Yes and they might be more likely to play independently anyway being on the spectrum as well. So I would rather have him with ND friends than take a gamble with another kid, Thank you for your advice. I had never heard of respite before. I am curious if it is something they would do with me home still so that I know he's safe, but still just gives me an extra set of hands here and there to help me. I'm going to google more about it. Thank you. 🧸, Thank you so much. We have been waiting 13 months for his appt so far with a developmental pediatrician, so we don't have a formal diagnosis either yet. I am sorry you are having to pay for everything, I know that adds up quickly. I pay $30/month for his services here in the US. But they just started. He gets speech 3x week 30 mins & OT 2x week 30 mins. They just started teaching us Proloquo2go. The iPad mini, case with strap, and the Proloquo2go program were $1050.00. He doesn't have any words, but he is using the program to request simple things like food or an episode of Blippi. Edit to add: my son is 4 years 2 months. So he is pretty close in age to your daughter., I have a 9 year old and a 6 month old. Even though she’s just a baby she’s helped him become more social and use speech more. He wants to teach her and communicate with her., We made the decision to only have the one child. I do find myself jealous of my friends with two. But mentally I can't handle a second autistic child if we had one., I have 3 kids. Older two are autistic. I didn’t know my oldest has asd until my second child was an infant and I was already pregnant with third. Son was diagnosed at 3, daughter diagnosed at 2, and unknown about my baby son. We made it work in the house and my kids are doing allright., We were pretty sure we were one and done before our son's diagnosis. There are a million little reasons and not really any big one. My wife had a difficult pregnancy and somewhat traumatic labor experience that turned her off to the idea of going through it all over again. My sister's family lives a mile down the road and our son will grow up with cousins close in age, and that gives us some comfort about not giving him any siblings. The "starter home" we bought is now looking like our forever home thanks to the terrible real estate market...it works for a family of 3 but would be tight otherwise. We're both pushing 40 now so it feels like that ship has sailed regardless. We don't have any regrets. A change like another child would rock our son's world. We're happy as a family of 3, and we're able to give him 100% of our focus. That being said, everyone's situation is different. I think big families are great, it just wasn't right for us., I didn't know my oldest was autistic. I had concerns about his development, but my kids are under 3 years apart. It was during my pregnancy I went, "oh...boy." Both of my kids are autistic, level 3.  They'll need me forever,  but they've made great progress. I'm glad they'll always have each other. We've started bonding with some other families in similar boats. I can understand, because the needs with a level 2/3 child are different.  If you can't imagine that life - I think the decision is made.  I am the only person I know with multiple autistic children who are level 3 - most seem to have either level 1 kids, or they have a single level 3 kid. That's completely anecdotal and YMMV. , Our first child’s autistic, so she’ll be our only child. I’m barely clinging on as it is, another one, autistic or not, would just break me., Mine is 8 and an only child, just recently diagnosed. The bigger part of me is glad that I knew my limitations as I have my own struggles, but another part of me is worried that I’ve limited her close relationships and she always wants me to “play” which is really a challenge for me. (She’s staring me down as I type this so I should get back to repeating the same “chattermax” scene we’ve played for over an hour now) At this point the age gap would be too much for them to have a type of peer support and I know that a baby or toddler around would be a nightmare for her (and me tbh I love the breaks that I *do* get) That’s just my position, I think either way you’ll be able to fully love and support your first no matter what you decide., Yes I have a level 2 autistic 5 year old (also with ID and epilepsy) and a NT 3 year old daughter. It was the best thing we did. We love them both so much, she has helped my boy, and it’s also been nice to have the typical parenting experience through her. It has helped me be more accepting of my boy because as much as I want things like for him to talk and be able to take him out for a meal, I have these things with my girl so I don’t mourn it as much as I did. I still want to converse with my boy so badly but would be happy with any form of communication., I have 2 autistic kids, 2 years apart. I had no developmental or behavioral concerns with my older child before I got pregnant. I've always wanted a big family, but I felt that it wouldn't be fair to further divide my (very limited) resources when I already have 2 autistic kids. I am, however, very grateful that I have 2 kids and I think they both benefit tremendously from having a sibling. Life was VERY hard when they were little, but things are so much easier now. If waiting is a possibility, things might settle down in the future, and you might feel more equipped to handle another child once your first is a bit older., I only have one and am very much on the fence about having another and losing sleep about it. I think my mind changes every day. Some days are so hard and I think there’s no way in hell I could handle two particularly if both ND. Other days my little girl is so delightful I wouldn’t mind 10 of her. I’m 41 so I don’t have much time to decide., We were one and done all through pregnancy and the early years. Then waffled a bit and considered it but never ended up doing it. We had a later diagnosis (ASD lvl 1, PDA profile) at 6 but adhd problems presented as early as 3. While I think it would have been fine had we had a second when he was 3-5, we are having very serious behavior issues as we roll into year 7 and I do not think a baby would be safe around him. I am confident in our choice to stay with one. We can accommodate him, schedule our work and schedules for his therapy needs, give him full focus and attention. We definitely have ASD in the genetic pool and if for some reason we had a second with similar behaviors, or more severe behaviors, I don’t think I could do it. Not to mention i don’t want to pay for daycare again haha, I have a kid in college and three kids 5 and under. My 5 yo is diagnosed with ASD, level 2-3. He is semi-verbal (but not conversational). We got pregnant with my 4yo way before he was diagnosed - we were planning on having another but got pregnant MUCH sooner than expected after birth control failure lol. We chose to have our 4th. My 3rd has some speech delay and is on the wait list to get tested, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have it. So far my youngest shows no signs. It is challenging, but I have no regrets., I have a severely autistic 6 year old and a still waiting 15 month old with a speech delay. It took us a few years to decide on having another, but it was the right decision despite the challenges my older son has., We are one and done. We were one and done before the diagnosis. Our nearly 3 year old had a really traumatic start, unexpected and extended NICU stay, and we’re old. We just decided the day we brought her home from the hospital that we never wanted to hear the NICU alarms again., We didn't know until my second child was already here. I probably wouldn't have had a second but my second child is awesome and fun. I think she has helped my son grow as a person., I didn't want to have a second kid after my son was diagnosed with level 3 autism at 2 years old. But life finds a way... After 3 days of crying about his diagnosis, I began to feel nauseous. I took a test and that's when I realized I was pregnant. Me and my husband were not careful one time and a doctor once told me I was infertile because it took so long for me to get pregnant with my son. We were not expecting this. I couldn't find it in me to have an abortion and here I am 20 weeks pregnant. I hope the baby is neurotypical because I already pay so much therapy for my son. I don't want to do it again but we'll see... I was recently told we're gonna have a little girl., I’m a solid 4 for 4 on autism with my kids. My oldest 3 were diagnosed with Asperger’s in 2011. They are 18,15 and 14. My oldest is in college for fire safety, my 15 year old has made honor roll all this year. My 14 year old is struggling with school and bullying. No therapies were done but did have Early Intervention and First Steps available. Had another kid in 2019 and she’s level 2. It’s all I know is working with my ND kids. She’s been the hardest one with the potty training and some motor skills but she has gotten a lot better with her speech. In the middle of applying for Medicaid since we just moved, therapy was too expensive to pay out of pocket ($850 a month!), I was already pregnant when my son got diagnosed and I had my daughter at the end of February. My friends son who is asd is almost 7 and she has 3 kids now, two after him and as of right now there’s no concerns for her other two. So I guess just all depends on what you think you can handle, I have a 3.5 year old level 1 son and a 9 month old. These 9 months have been pretty hard not going to lie but it’s starting to get a bit easier. My oldest 1.5-2.5 was really bad for everyone but now 3+ it’s alot easier. He still gets jealous and frustrated at his little bro but now there are good signs he likes him etc. still it’s a huge huge change you hav 0 time if you wanted to switch between spouses for a break really, I had my second before my first was diagnosed (low support needs). She is NT but had I known about the diagnosis, it wouldn’t have changed my mind about having a second. I am an only child and my husband has three siblings; we knew we wanted 2+ children., We had twins. Both on the spectrum. I got snipped. We thought rolling the dice again would be foolish and selfish., I have a 2 year old and a newborn. I love them but I can’t devote the hours and hours to joint attention and teaching my first born. My 2 month old does it have eye contact and cannot lift head up as well, so I know he will take a lot of work and physio as well. For me it would have been one and done if I had of known. I worry about our finances. We didn’t wait because I’m getting older and we were ready. But I do encourage people to wait until the kid is at least 5 to see how they are progressing and see if they could handle another child who could be more severe. There are also issues with autism like abnormal airways, epilepsy and auto immune as well as heart issues, so it’s definitely something to not go into the decision lightly, I have two. A 5yo son with Autism (I'm in the UK and we weren't given a level) and a 2yo daughter. So far, from our experience with my son. We haven't seen any traits of autism in our daughter. But since she's become 2 and gotten more talkative and more personality. We've certainly seen positive changes in our son. He plays a lot more with her now. They talk to each other without a parent in between, which I find cool and strange. They say to each other that they love and miss each other and he even hugs her, unprompted too. Which for me, has been the sweetest thing I've seen him do. It's been a delight to see how she has shaped him more affectionately and develop his social skills further., Oldest is 5 waiting for AuAdhd diagnosis (we don’t use levels here but she’d be lvl1 I assume), youngest is 13 months now. I never ever ever thought I’d have another, but things briefly got relatively easier around 2-3 and we started considering it. I was 36 at this point and knew early menopause runs in my family. My sister then started going through it and so can’t have children, and my husbands brother is struggling to conceive with his partner who is older. This pushed us to have another as we knew it would be likely she’d have no close family in our country (99% of my family live in another country, she’s never met them due to Covid and the struggles of travelling with an autistic child). I was never set on two at all but I fell pregnant straight away so didn’t have a chance to back out. Behaviour from oldest then got much much worse, physical aggression, screaming, hitting, biting etc. it was hell being pregnant and dealing with that. It’s only in the last 4 months or so that things feel a bit more regulated. I constantly look for signs in youngest, she’s not talking still, she’s not walking but she’s much much much calmer than my first, so that helps enormously. In some ways that has been hard as my first had such obvious likes/dislikes/sensory needs that I felt I knew her quicker, the youngest is very hard to figure out. She is just as silly and cheeky though. I love the mischief., We were trying for a second when we realized my son’s struggles. We are unsure what level of care he will need or how expensive it will be with private insurance and felt it was best not go continue trying. It wouldn’t be fair to either child. If it happened as an accident, it’d be a happy accident, but we are not actively trying anymore, My second one was already 1 year old when my first was diagnosed at 2.5. Now they are 5 and 4. My first was diagnosed with level 3. Now she has graduated out of all therapies etc. She might be a level 1 if we test now. I believe one of the things that helped her progress was also having a sibling. The bond between them is wonderful to see., My son was almost 3 when his sister was born, and his vocabulary boomed quite soon after and has continued as his sister's is developing. She is not on the spectrum and has a broad vocabulary at the age of 2. The adjustment wasn't difficult, quite honestly. I work from home, so I'm sure that made a difference., Honestly, you should think that there is a possibility of all that you mentioned. I do not have a second child, exactly for the reasons you mentioned. Hey, your second child might be neurotypical! But once a baby is here, there is no going back. I would prepare/consider for everything., My first is level 1 and was 3 years old when his little sister was born. She’s now 18 months old and appears neurotypical. My son also loves rigid routines, but having a sibling has helped him tremendously. He is a lot more flexible in his routines, eats lots more different foods after seeing his sister eating them, gives her hugs and plays with her all the time., We had another before we knew he was on the spectrum or how it was so severe. Turns out the second child actually flourished and developed quite well. Glad we didn’t turn back., I have 3.5 year old diagnosed with ASD at 2yrs old. My intention was not to have a second kid, but I couldn't bear the Idea of my kid growing up without a sibling or cousins. We are from India, living in USA, all of our family is in India. We don't have an option to adopt so decided to have second kid. My wife is 7months pregnant now., My wife got pregnant before our son recieved his level 3 diagnosis. they are now 5 and 3. my son had such a hard time when we brought his sister home and they still have some issues. Im glad my wife got pregnant when she did though because had my son been diagnosed prior to the pregnancy, I would have gotten the snip after just the one. and even though she is a pain in butt I love my daughter so much. Not a single regret. even on the hard days., My oldest was very recently diagnosed (like a month ago, he's 8.5) and I have two other children ages 6 and 3. I wouldn't change it for anything and sometimes I find myself wanting a 4th. His needs are minimal and he adores his siblings like 85% of the time., 14 M and 7 F. Both level 2 ASD. Didn't expect our daughter to be autistic but she is. It's hard but I would have regretted only having one child. Both are verbal without intellectual disabilities. My daughter is a girl scout. She asked to join. She's the one hand flapping and spinning while her troop sells cookies. Today though she actually ran a few customer's cards through the square device, said thank you to several customers and complimented every baby she met for being the cutest ever. She helped sell a lot of cookies. I was proud of her., I'm gradually persuading my wife to consider adoption. She feels overwhelmed with just one child, especially after a traumatic pregnancy experience. She's adamant about not wanting to go through that again. For me, adoption seems like the only option., It's our youngest. Our older two are very much neurotypical. We decided, though, he would be our last though. After a terrible pregnancy and his premature birth, my husband and I knew I couldn't do it again and his diagnosis solidified that. We love him and he's our perfect caboose to our train., I had my tubes tied after my Autistic child. Then BOOM had another child! 😳 they are exactly 2 years apart. The younger girl pulls the boy I believe. He said his first word which was swimming since my daughter was repeating it over and over again in the water. And it’s been like that since. I think it is a huge blessing but I do have acknowledge sometimes you have to make sure you balance the love and attention., No. It's my dream to have two, and my son seems like he'd like a buddy, but I can't imagine trying to manage two right now - especially if my second was autistic, too. The chance of that happening is just too great to risk it (people with 1 autistic child are many many times more likely to have a second autistic child, often with more severe needs). My son doesn't even have a single cousin. Breaks my heart 😢, Autistic person with an older brother here. For me it was (and still is) very helpful to have a sibling close in age (we're 3 years apart) to build social skills, learn how to apply them, and also because i feel he is one of the only people i can trust with my whole heart and will stand me when i'm grumpy and feeling like shit. All and all, its your decision, are you able to provide a safe home environment for two children and all that money jazz (i cant say a lot about money stuff, cuz im not american and i'm just a teen). Speaking solely in the perspective of the child, if they form a strong bond, that sibling will become a good friend for someone that doesn't make friends as easily as other kids, We did. But we waited 6yrs to do so., Yes, but he's only 11 minutes younger than his brother 🙃 I also have a third child, though I was pregnant with her before I even had an inkling that the boys might be autistic. I probably would have wanted a third child anyway though. Our family just didn't feel complete until she was born., We have a 4 and a half year old who is level 2. We just had our second child last week. My husband and I always wanted two kids and we didn’t change our mind after our first was diagnosed. We know there’s a risk our second will have it too, especially since he’s also a boy, but we have experience with ASD now and a support system of therapists and doctors. I also think having a sibling will be good for my eldest child, someone to socialise with when we’re at home., I don’t regret having more children at all. Even though they fight quite a bit my youngest is the only other kid my oldest plays or interact with at all. Seeing their bond forming is awesome even though it’s a slow process., Yes but it was six minutes after the first kid, so in our defense, we didn’t know yet., My daughter has ASD and Intellectual Disability so at 6 years old she is still non verbal. We wanted a second but waited until she started school when she turned 5 years old before having a second as we wanted to make sure we could focus on just her until she was in school. My son is now 17 months old and it's fine. My daughter struggled to adjust to how much attention he needed from me as a baby but now she's okay with it so it worked for us., My oldest has global developmental delay and my second is ASD 2. My suggestion is that you wait a year to revisit having a second. Planning such that your current child is already in kindergarten. I have two mostly mild to moderate needs kids and it gets very challenging to meet both of their needs. Once your youngest is a little older you will have a much better idea and the time to dedicate to early intervention if your second child needs some help too., We decided to have a second child. At the moment, I feel like it’s a disservice to our older, autistic child. Her younger sibling is so very clingy and needy. I don’t have enough energy. They completely drain me. But having a sibling will hopefully help our autistic daughter have support when she’s older. I know that’s unfair. Maybe they won’t get along, and maybe they’ll both need support. But I’m hopeful that they can lean on each other. As of right now, and most likely forever, they have no other siblings or cousins. At some point, it’ll just be the two of them. So I hope they can get along and help each other later in life. My younger daughter is older than 18 months now and developing typically. I actually had an obgyn try to discourage me from keeping the pregnancy. “You know it can happen again right??” she said. Our first daughter is nonverbal, but she doesn’t have meltdowns often, and she communicates in her own way that she loves us. I wasn’t scared to have two autistic kids., I did. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on my son's 2nd bday. He hadn't been diagnosed at that point. He's high functioning so it wasn't till he went to school that we even realized anything was wrong. Well we knew but not the extent of it. Autism never crossed our minds! But at that point I was already pregnant and didn't even consider the fact that she may be as well. Low and behold! She is. They both have autism and adhd. I would love a 3rd but the high possibility of them being autistic as what is stopping me. Them being autistic is not whats stopping me, it's everything that comes with it. It's exhausting. I'm always so busy and have absolutly no help. Between them both someone's at my house every day for services. I have anxiety and depression and honestly am prob autistic myself. So it's just ALOT lol. If I had more help I prob would but for right now I just wanna be able to give my full self and time to the two kiddos I have and make sure they're getting everything they need and deserve before bringing another child into the picture that I would also have to split my limited time with., Its like you were in my head when you wrote this, I am struggling with the same thing daily. So no judgement on my part, Not trying to discourage you, but you should be aware that multiple studies indicate Autism risk increases with the age of both parents., For your kids sake, I would say to have another. Being on the spectrum is already a hard and difficult life, but not to mention lonely as well. Having a sibling that loves them unconditionally and knows their problems and is willing to help guide them and support them is the best companion they can have. They may or may not come out on the spectrum, but I say make the sacrifice just so your son can have a life long friend., My son hasn’t been diagnosed yet but he is 3 and in a special needs class , he talks with his hands and doesn’t care for speaking just lots of gibberish. I have a 1 year old , who is verbal already and catches on quick. There is a big difference between her and my son when he was 1 when it comes to speech. He was one and a half when I got pregnant with her. They get along fine , and tbh we don’t we have a schedule just going with the flow. They both take up time , he is really clingy and she just started walking and wanting to know what things are. It can get hard dividing time also, my husband passes almost 1 year ago so it just me by myself (22f). He just started school and getting to be around my children his age , learning , he says words every now and then , things I didn’t even know he knew and won’t here it again for months. It can get frustrating, I really want and hope he can live a somewhat normal life when he becomes an adult ., We have three kids. Two on the spectrum, one with adhd and spectrum traits. My husband is on the spectrum and I have adhd. All of our kids were born before any of us were diagnosed. I think having one nd kid would be loads easier than three, but of course, we love them all., I'm in this same struggle currently with my husband. We have an almost 3 year old who is undiagnosed but clearly on the spectrum in some way. We have many times thought of having another and than back out due to fear of ruining our sons safe space and schedule. And also the fear of having a child higher on the spectrum. My son also has a bad eye and we have fear of worse health issues in a second child. Autism and mental health issues run through out my whole family so sadly I think we've landed on one and done. For the safety of everyone's well being. Adoption is not 100% out of our equation though after our son is a but older and school adjusted with proper drs., Just here to say, my first child is 3 and also recently diagnosed. I am currently expecting my 2nd child (pleasant surprise) - due in September. I will say I do worry about the stress load, as my son is a mamas boy.. and jealousy will probably be an issue. But I have put in work to form a very special relationship with my son and I know it will all work out. I think he'll eventually love having a little sibling. I'm excited to see their relationship grow., Level 1 first son. Got pregnant with my daughter when my son was only 10 months old. It’s beautiful to see their bond and I feel like they learn from each other so well. But I do feel the stress did not just double, probably 3-4x the amount with having a second. I constantly have to make sure my son is not accidentally hurting her with pushing, shoving, etc. I don’t think you’d regret having another child, you may even feel more fulfilled. I’d think about your support team around you and your stress level you have currently before you make a decision personally, We had our second (16 mo) well before getting the diagnosis of our older child (5). The second has largely been a good thing. It helps our older child to be more aware and social, andit can sometimes be a needed distraction when getting close to meltdown. Overall, I'm happy we had two, but we decided not to have any more. It doesn't seem like the younger one has ASD, at least comparing behaviors to the first at that age. Of course, it won't matter. I often worry that the second will always come second because the first, while only being level 1, demands a lot of attention right now and seems to be getting worse. We try to be equitable with our time., I was 6 months pregnant when my almost two-year-old son was diagnosed with autism. I would never have gotten pregnant if I had known. My first-born son is level 3 non-verbal and 21 years old. My second son is not autistic and 19 years old. Both of my boys are a blessing. My autistic son is the sweetest person that I have ever known. He is loving and easy going. My youngest son is also a caring, wonderful boy. It was nice to get to do so called "normal' things with my youngest (teaching him to drive, prom, college, etc...). And it's nice to know that he can look in on his brother (probably in a group home) after my husband and I are gone., Absolutely not. Even though I originally thought I’d want more than one, the thought of having *two* autistic kids was overwhelming. The *worst* thought though, was having a *normal* one and I didn’t trust myself to *not* be resentful of the autistic one and end up loving the “normal” one more. To this day I thank my lucky stars that I made that decision. 1) I have friends that had a “normal” first and an autistic second and third and they are stressed to the max and overwhelmed all the time and 2) If I had a “normal” one I *know* I would be so unfairly biased towards that one and being able to do all the “normal” things that I’d be treating the autistic one unfairly and resentfully 😔, Well we did but it kind of went the other way. Our youngest was Dx first (age 3), level 3, also has cerebral palsy and wheelchair (turning 5 soon). Eldest was Dx at age 7. He’s a level 2, but low support needs, and id say at the same age as your kid he’d have been a level 1 as well. Always needed routine even as a little baby. It’s hard, i cant sugar coat it. My eldest is doing amazing especially since starting meds (he’s turning 9 soon). Youngest attends a special ed pre school which is 45 mins away, eldest attends a mainstream school and generally does well there. So it’s tough. But. I love them both. And we just continue to learn along the way and figure it out along the way! Also i’ll add, my youngest was born right before covid hit, and we live in Melbourne, so we had about 2 years of uncertainty which was also really difficult. But we made it :), We had already had our second when our first was diagnosed, so we didn't really have the time to think about it. Both of our children are autistic, both at very different levels. I would say that unless you're prepared to add a child who is going to have high support needs, don't do it. You said pre-verbal was hard. Are you prepared for a non-verbal child? It's very hard having two, especially when they are at such a different place so even activities can't be synced up. I also want to touch on the sibling portion. Just because you both had a great sibling bond doesn't mean that an autistic child (or two as the case may be) will enjoy that same bond. It took years for my first to even really acknowledge my second, and my second still doesn't really want anything to do with my first. So, absolutely do not have a kid just to give your son a sibling bond, it's not a guaranteed thing, even with NT children. I don't say any of this to attack you. It's just that the harsh reality is that your next child could be a level 3, completely non-verbal child who is also self injuring. Not to mention the difficulty of having possibly two elopers (and even with just one taking both out alone becomes difficult). I absolutely adore my children, and I'm so happy to have them. But I'm also not really able to get a job outside the home due to needing childcare because finding suitable care after school is so difficult. It's very difficult having a child who is non-verbal, and you can't communicate much at all with them because they they also won't use signs or any kind of communication boards., My oldest is on the spectrum and I didn't know it at the time when I had another one. It got more obvious as he got older but I just thought he had traits then. he only had ADHD and anxiety and he showed sensory processing issues from a very young age. Stuff he did then was normal at his age and it got more and more obvious as he got older. He was also a big help when I had my daughter, he enjoyed playing with her and wanted to show her everything so that made my job easier lol. He would even tell me when she was awake in her crib or was smelly. He was a good brother., I have a 20f, 7f, and 4m (ND). I wish I would have had a sibling for my oldest. The age gap is something I would change. Imagine yourself during your retired years. Do you want to have Christmas or holidays with your one child and grandkids if they want them or a house a little fuller. My oldest doesn’t want kids, so hopefully my little ones decide to have some. It’s a gamble. I want grandkids! 😂, I have 2 girls. My 4 year old is diagnosed with ASD and my 2 year old seems neuro-typical thus far. We feel guilty as parents watching our 2 year old sore through all these milestones we didn't experience with our first, but they are both such beautifully different souls. Somedays are challenging, but we love them both so much and wouldn't change anything., I was already pregnant when my son was diagnosed at 18 months. 7 years later had another. My brother has classic autism, my son has classic autism. 7 years of genetic testing and they still say there are no genetic markers. So I figure it’s already an anomaly that my son has it, can’t happen again right?, Hi, good question. My oldest is going on 5 and is level 1. Things are pretty mild- long story short- yes, we didn’t hesitate to try and get pregnant. My youngest is 3 and has no signs of autism whatsoever. They are each other’s best mate and I wouldn’t do anything different. They play together so well. Good luck to you!, I wanted to have another child too, but I didn't because even raising a 3 three year old who is level 3, is a lot in itself. Not only that, I thought about the life I want to have and having another child would probably either make it non existent or just extremely much more difficult and I don't want that. Eventually I would like to adopt, but older children. Probably like 6 and up. My daughter also likes being an only child lol she only parallel plays, she does not play well either other kids., Question: Do you have people that can help out? ie. Parents, respite providers, etc? How helpful is your partner at home and how much time can they get off work? If your support system isn’t great, then you may want to reconsider, because it is TOUGH in the beginning and you’ll need all the help you can get. Trust me, I speak from experience. My two kids are pretty good now, but juggling a newborn and my severely ASD child was difficult and I wouldn’t have survived without my family!, Our ASD champ is our second born. He requires substantial supports. I wanted more children, my husband was dead set on no. He caved in the end but if he wasn't in 100% I wasn't going to try.  He said it would strain us financially and mentally if we had another ASD child. And that a baby would take away from the care and attention J currently needs. The odds were against us as far as stats too. We would more than likely have another ASD child, and I don't see us managing two kids needing substantial support. We're considering becoming foster parents as he gets older and less dependent. , Our oldest is level 1 - very HFA - with an ADHD co-diagnosis. He’s gifted academically, but really struggles with basic organizational tasks and impulse control when it comes to screens so he still requires a lot of our time/energy. We didn’t receive his autism diagnosis though until he was around 10 — our youngest was conceived via IVF when he was 6 (we started TTC naturally when he was 4). There’s never a guarantee that a child will have an autism/autism free life. I think for us, the choice was more whether we wanted our first child to be the only experience we would have with parenting. I encourage you to also think of it from this perspective—a second child that is NT can also help reframe what it means to be a parent. My personal experience was that it brought the joy that I never got in my first pregnancy because of the circumstances (unexpected, unwelcome by in-laws) — and I was able to experience the difference in parenting an NT child (and trying to navigate helping that child understand the needs of a non-NT one)., So, our son is level 1. We had wanted 2 kids and did not suspect autism, but did suspect ADHD. By the time we were able to get our son diagnosed (at almost 9), our daughter was 2.5. We had her evaluated shortly after receiving our son's AuDHD diagnosis. She's level 2-3 (2 based on abilities reported but not shown during eval, 3 based on behavior during). Ymmv, but be aware that your second could require quite a bit more time/attention/services than your first for longer than those first few years., I did. My oldest is level 3 and non verbal, turning 6 this summer. My second son just turned 1 in February. The decision was made because I wanted another child for a long time. I also accepted the fact that anything could happen when making that choice. Once we made it out of the newborn days my oldests son routine went back to being perfectly the same. I just incorporated the younger one into the routine. Also I didn’t have a second until my first was in school full time., My oldest was diagnosed before the DSM used levels. The doctors said he had Classic Autism without a learning disability. We knew something was different about him from the time he was an infant, but it took 3 years to get our concerns taken seriously. I was fine with him being an only child, but my husband wanted another baby. We got pregnant with her at around the same time as my son got his formal medical diagnosis. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult to be mother to a newborn and simultaneously navigating the process of getting therapies for my oldest. We had in-home ABA 30 hours a week while I had a breastfeeding infant. I was overwhelmed for several years. Now they're both teenagers. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and she's actually been the more challenging child to parent. But I love them both deeply, and I have no regrets about how my family came to be., I’m going to come at this from the opposite side. My second child is autistic my first is NT. They are 6 and 3. At the moment my heart aches for my oldest because she is the target of our seconds aggression lately and she does not yet understand that Mia is ND. When they were both a little younger before we got a diagnosis she would always say “you only love Mia and not me anymore” because she required a lot of support and attention. I’m sure one day she will understand. But it’s fuckinf hard. I love both my girls so much. I will not be having a third., No, I got a vasectomy even before knowing that he had autism. Her experience giving birth at 5 months was awful and traumatic., I have 3 kids. So far, oldest is the only one on the spectrum. He has regressive autism. Met all milestones until about 22 months., There was a time when I considered that having a sibling to teach and learn from would be beneficial to all, but the risk of having an additional autistic child squashed that notion. Ours is enough., Since autism is mostly genetic, I decided not to have another child after my daughter was diagnosed at 3 years old. On my husband's side of the family, his 2 cousins and nephew are autistic. I don't think I can handle another child with autism, it's too much mentally, physically and emotionally and also, I feel that it's really unfair to the child., Yes, conceived before we had a diagnosis on the first. She's also on the spectrum and possibly dyslexic. No regrets, though it was very hard early on. Kids are doing great, seem to genuinely love one another as siblings., This is asked every other day it might be helpful to search for it to hear more comments because at this point people might just scroll by or think they answered this one., Same here, Same. My 5 year old has really started trying to socialize with my 1 year old. It’s wonderful seeing them bond, Same, I am worried about my two sons when they get older and I’m not around. Any advice on this, we are so scared of that everyday since my oldest is high support needs level 3 and does not play with others or toys functionally at all, has only a couple words, omg your user name 😂🙏🏼, I am in a similar situation, in that there are other factors at play. We conceived through IVF, as I have a blocked Fallopian tube and irregular cycles (I'm technically able to conceive the "old-fashioned" way, but it's a *very* low chance of ever happening), which comes along with a whole other set of expenses and meds. I also had spontaneous premature labor (36 weeks and thankfully needed no NICU time), which raises my chances in subsequent pregnancies. Additionally, I had severe PPA/PPD and had to change the meds I had been on for nearly ten years. My son also has a lot of cousins nearby, which is a good point that I forget about sometimes. Thanks so much for your insight, We’re in a similar situation. Our oldest was diagnosed as level 3 not long after we had fraternal twins. One of the twins has now been diagnosed level 3 as well. I don’t know any other parents of more than one level 3 kid, either. A lot of the kids in my eldest’s moderate/severe special ed class are only children or have NT siblings., I'm barely functioning also... do you know if there is any support for parents?? I love my son to pieces, but I'm pushing myself so hard to keep up that I'm just in tears by the end of the day a lot of days. I can't lose it while with him, so it builds up, and by the end of the day, I can sometimes find myself just crying out of pure exhaustion. I'm just so tired all of the time. He's so sweet and a happy child. But he's nonverbal and getting older, and so he gets frustrated (understandably so). He's learning Proloquo2go, so that's been helpful, but he's just started learning it this month. I always thought I'd have two children, but I don't think it would be fair to my son to have a second child. He deserves the world, and if I have a second child, I would have no idea how to give him the time and support he needs while trying to care for a new baby., This is how I felt exactly. My son is 3 and we have an almost 5 month old girl too. I felt slightly guilty that I was hoping for some of the typical parenting experiences too. No idea what our daughter will be but these are some of the things that I hoped for., That would be my thought as well, giving it a little bit more time could avoid spreading yourself too thin and give time to consider, I know, it’s also that being older we won’t be around for as much of their lives to support them and some autistic people require support forever. It’s a scary thought since I am older as well. I have a 2 year old and 2 month old, I second this!, This is awesome, TBF adoption can come with its own challenges. I hope your wife can get the care and supports she needs to recover smoothly, those experiences don’t tend to get away on their own anytime soon, I have a level 3 son as well, and I can tell you that most adoption agencies won’t even consider you to adopt a child if you already have a level 3 autistic child you’re caring for. Plus adoption is incredibly unethical anyway, even if you adopted a NT kid, they’d still most likely have behavioral issues as the result of the adoption. Wouldn’t be worth it or fair to either kid, Can you cite a source saying that children after first asd kid are more profound? I’m curious, This is a good point. My parents and my in-laws are all quite young (late 40s/early 50s - hubs and I are both the oldest in our families and our parents had us pretty young) so they still work full time with the exception of my MIL. My BIL is a single dad, so she helps a lot with his child. I have a relative who currently babysits my son a few days a week, but that's about it. My husband is helpful with our son, but he works a *lot* and sometimes is not home u til 9 or 10 pm, I don’t know, my boy is probably level 2 but he’s 5yo now and my daughter level 1 so I can’t advise. Maybe search and reserve a spot at a group home for your son when he turns 18?, "Depriving him" of sibling(s) is probably the thing I battled with the most. Knowing there's a chance he might struggle to make friends, the idea of a built-in friend for life was appealing. But the reality is that I have practically no relationship with my brother. My wife barely talks to her brother. There's no guarantee that siblings will grow up to be close. The way I see it now is if he's got beef with his cousins, at least they live in separate houses 😂, Sounds like you already made your decision, OP! ❤️, It’s the same with my son’s special ed class. 1 is an only child, and the other 2 kids have neurotypical siblings. My son is 1 of 4 children in his class, so not a big pool to gauge this on, Try to find respite services in your area., Honestly, I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. My daughter’s 3 years, 8 months, I’m just trying to persevere in the hope that it gets better down the line, as apparently the symptoms, if that’s the right word in some cases, tend to ease by age 6. Meantime, we’re trying everything we can for her, such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc, etc, but I’m having to pay for all of this myself, due to the fact that we live in the UK, and the National Health Service is a disaster at the moment. We’ve been waiting nearly 18 months so far just for an autism assessment, so we don’t even have a diagnosis yet. You may find being able to vent in places like here helps, and others have said, try to see if you can find respite care services near you., I felt guilt too, but at the same time logically there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to hear a sweet toddler funny speech and them imitating everything you do and watch typical development unfold without having to constantly find therapies to develop basic skills. I love my disabled child more than anything and I wouldn’t ever trade having him or the lessons I have learnt from him, but it’s also nice to be able to a cafe with my girl and have a coffee and have her naturally join in., It's definitely not 100% proven but my OB told me this is a current hypothesis, though she's not an autism specialist. Other sources echo this claim, though of course there is still so much about this disorder that we don't understand! There are many statistics that may skew the probability (how do you measure intelligence?; do the families in these studies have a heritable genetic defect? etc.) [https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/](https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autism-symptoms-more-severe-in-later-born-children/), Yes and they might be more likely to play independently anyway being on the spectrum as well. So I would rather have him with ND friends than take a gamble with another kid, Thank you for your advice. I had never heard of respite before. I am curious if it is something they would do with me home still so that I know he's safe, but still just gives me an extra set of hands here and there to help me. I'm going to google more about it. Thank you. 🧸, Thank you so much. We have been waiting 13 months for his appt so far with a developmental pediatrician, so we don't have a formal diagnosis either yet. I am sorry you are having to pay for everything, I know that adds up quickly. I pay $30/month for his services here in the US. But they just started. He gets speech 3x week 30 mins & OT 2x week 30 mins. They just started teaching us Proloquo2go. The iPad mini, case with strap, and the Proloquo2go program were $1050.00. He doesn't have any words, but he is using the program to request simple things like food or an episode of Blippi. Edit to add: my son is 4 years 2 months. So he is pretty close in age to your daughter.

Different punishments?

Can I have punishment ideas for a 6 year old with the mind of a 40 year old? I’m running short on ideas and NOTHING is working. We’re talking 30-40 minute meltdowns and screaming profanity daily.

I think we need more information… punishment for what? And what have you tried? Even if a 6 year old child has the mind (I’m assuming you mean intellect/cognition) of an older individual, their social/emotional regulation may definitely not be as advanced (or even on par with their chronological age). Logical and immediate consequences tend to resonate more with kids if they are being disciplined., I think people may be getting upset in your comments because you’re using the word punishment - but you’re really just overwhelmed and looking for ideas on how to get the bad behaviour to stop. Nothing is one size fits all for every child. But… Try to find out what is the root cause of the frustration. It may not because of the specific thing happening at the moment - Ie. can’t have the phone right now - but overstimulation, ignored triggers beforehand, hunger, thirst, too hot, too much sensory, too little sensory, too little exercise, etc (an unmet need if you will). Try redirection - maybe a bath, walk outside in nature, sensory play, etc. find something they love that can pull them out of that anger or frustration and into something healthy! Try not using the word no or don’t - find the positive solution. Rather than “no phone right now” - what do you want them to do? For instance, “you can watch tv right now” or “no jumping on the couch” to “feet on the floor please” or “no hitting” to “gentle hands please” and show them how to use gentle hands rather than hitting Modelling and staying consistent - sometimes autistic and adhd children mold to the strongest energy in the room. If you’re escalated and angry, they won’t be able to calm down. Work on learning to control your own emotions, stay calm yourself, model good healthy emotional regulation habits, etc. Hope that helps!, [deleted], Meltdowns should not be punished. Why do you think they should? You need to find out what triggers them and work with an OT on self regulation., OP, there is some really good advice here and my add would be to avoid anything that looks and feels like a punishment. When my son has a meltdown due to anxiety or emotional regulation issues, I get on on the floor with him, I talk very calmly to him and let him know I’m there for him. I tell him it’s okay, get it out. If he needs to hit me, I let him. I tell him I love him and he’s safe. I ask him if I can give him a hug. I ask him what does he feel like he needs. I do not battle him, I do not raise my voice, I do the opposite. After we’re regulated, we talk about the hitting piece. Hitting has almost been erased totally. We talk often about big emotions, we read kids books on anxiety and other emotions. We have a color system so he can express his current level. You can do colors or give them fun superhero names. If your kid is logical, you can negotiate with him, but follow through is critical. If he’s expecting to have your phone in 15 minutes. It better be 15 and not 16 otherwise, you lied and his predictability model is flawed and that’s upsetting. Hope this helps!, ... Why are you punishing meltdowns? They literally have no control over those., He literally can't help himself. Punishing will do nothing. Concentrate on helping him regulate., I very rarely punish either of my kids to be honest. We have rules and expect a lot from them, but typically having a conversation goes a lot further than yelling and their room We reserve time out for things like hitting or something especalyl bad, I have twins. Punishments work great for one kid but the other nothing works. I mean nothing. For instance this morning he demanded my phone. I said not right now and it was instant screaming and hitting. So I sent him to his room to cool down and make a better choice and he just kept screaming and carrying on. We live in an apartment, it can’t keep happening how often they are. We’re in therapy, but it’s not doing anything. He gets in there and just does whatever he wants., You are an angel. Thank you ❤️, Those are my exact thoughts. Over the summer I had the police called on me for him screaming at me after he ran off at a county fair. People have no idea how hard it is they just judge. Spankings are just about useless. You can say “I was spanked and I was fine” no. No you’re not. Instead of learning what you did wrong and how to do better next time you were abused. I can take stuff away all day, I can try and redirect, I can sit on the floor and attempt to calm him down and talk stuff out but none of it works.,  I came here to say this and here it is. OP your kid was told NO and then their response was to throw a tantrum. In my opinion, a tantrum is a behavior that is a result of something, and a meltdown is from sensory overload (getting upset because they are in a loud environment, etc.)., Because a child screaming at me that I’m a stupid bitch and throwing things is not going to go unpunished?, As I said before. A child calling me names and hitting me is not going unpunished. He was told no and flew off the hook. I sent him to his room for a cooldown and it wasn’t much help. I have 6 year old autistic twins who are at extremely different parts of the spectrum., So if I understand you’re wanting to punish your child for having (emotional) difficulty handling a boundary? Meltdowns aren’t the same as temper tantrums and if it’s a true meltdown over this then sounds like working on frustration tolerance and making sure sensory and emotional regulation needs are met. If therapy isn’t working (not sure what kind of therapy y’all are doing… OT? ABA?) then perhaps it’s time for a new clinician or change in plan of care., It’s a learning journey but know many of us are in the same boat, learning how best to deal with meltdowns, explosive behaviour, and often aggression with our own kids. Just know you’re not alone, and you’ll eventually find what works!, Do you think a 6yo is doing that willfully, because he’s a bad kid? Doubtful. He’s most likely very overwhelmed and he’s lashing out. A couple of things - help him self regulate (it’s a long process, no one and done situation) and find better coping skills. None of that will happen overnight. And I strongly recommend reading The Explosive Child. It can help you adjust your perspective and expectations. It’s important to find what’s triggering his outbursts and work from there. Punishment won’t likely be very helpful or effective., Yes for a neurotypical child which your child is not. You need to find a different strategy because as you said nothing is working and nothing will work until you stop punishing and start fixing., like everyone else said so far, you can’t punish the kid who lacks control and awareness. he’s SIX. obviously his behavior isn’t ideal, but, point blank, he’s NOT a typical kid and so you can’t expect that typical responses, ie punishing him, will have the effect you’re looking for. the suggestions above are what you need to look into - forget about therapy bc right now you need strategies in your home TODAY that can help him and YOU. because your response to his meltdowns will facilitate whether he continues his behavior or is motivated to cool down. not getting mad/impatient yourself is the FIRST step. and it’s not easy. but second, you have to get to his level (literally) and try to help him work it out. we don’t know his abilities so we can’t really guide you on WHAT exactly to say/do, but the explosive child stuff is the best place to start., Work on addressing the underlying root cause before punishment. Then ease into punishment for grossly unacceptable behavior. It’s clear your approach isn’t working, so change the approach., It definitely is, but in the meantime I’m here looking for other ideas. For now we are in family therapy which isn’t doing anything. He’s been telling me he wants to do ABA like his brother but the tech refuses to do ABA with both., Quick update. I got him into a referral list for an official assessment. I’ve also started approaching things the way I do with his autistic brother. We’re getting places. I’m gonna talk to see how I can be tested myself. Not sure if it’ll be worth it but why not right?, He’s me as a kid. He hears the word no and explodes. There is no self regulating lol., Which is why I’m here asking. We can’t get into occupational therapy without doing family therapy which isn’t doing anything for him. He gets in there and does whatever he wants. I’ve done training classes, I’ve tried the soft parenting approach, I’ve tried tips from previous ABA from my other son and none of this works., I think you’re going to be hard pressed to find anyone here who is going to give you ideas on how to punish a meltdown… because meltdowns aren’t really something that ND kids have true control over and aren’t punishable. Meltdowns happen because their nervous systems are sent over their tipping point and they no longer feel safe or in control. If you react to their meltdown in an unpredictable and a (perceived) unsafe manner [yelling, sending them away, etc.] then it’s only going to perpetuate the difficulties. The advice I’d give you: a) provide plenty of opportunities for regulating activities and heavy work to ground the nervous system, b) work on coregulation with them when they have a meltdown, c) react to their behaviors in a safe and predictable way each and every time., That all sounds absolutely excellent! Im happy to hear things are moving forward in an optimistic direction! I hope the wait lists aren’t too long!, Since you are sincerely asking for help, the poster above suggested the explosive child. Which is a book written by Dr Ross Greene. I highly suggest taking just a few minutes right now and doing an online search for Dr Ross greene. There's lots of videos explaining his approach and you could start practicing his method today. There's even videos by other people modeling how to do it. I think sometimes when I hear the word punishment- it makes me think about control, power, and making the kid regret their actions, whereas what you're looking for is how to address the behavior, solve the problem, and keep the behavior from reoccurring. I kind of stopped using the word punishment and started using the words "addressing the behavior/situation", because that includes so much more of what I want to have happen., Better figure out how to learn/teach it or find someone who can. It won’t be any easier when he’s bigger than you and full of testosterone. ETA: also the no thing is very common. I try to find other ways to say it that aren’t so triggering., Sounds like maybe he is very similar to you and knows your triggers. What would have helped you as a child? What could your family have sone differently to make you feel calm and supported? Then, do that with your own kid. Be the parent you yourself needed., That’s an odd policy IMO, to require family therapy before OT. OT could help your kid sit through family therapy, Go to a different OT clinic. You absolutely do not need family therapy to access OT., You need to look into co regulation . RDI therapy or floortime if nothing else is working., Ok well maybe someone reading this will see I probably used the wrong words? Idk. I’m overwhelmed and overstimulated myself and looking for advice on the internet. lol Did I mention he has ADHD as well? And that because he missed a few points on his autism screening at a local CMH for high functioning autism they won’t send us for an initial screening to get him the help he needs? That’s an issue too. Hence why they just offered us therapy. Clearly normal therapy isn’t what he needs. Like most others I’m a lost Mom looking for help., Yes yes yes to points A, B, and C. It sounds like Co-regulation is a key here., In addition to the book you mentioned, “Brain-Body Parenting” by Dr. Mona Delahooke is great., That’s the issue. It’s impossible finding resources. Everyone wants you to do therapy first before anything. No one has time for that., I think what you’re looking for is tactics to help prevent the meltdown or deescalation tactics. Many (most?) of us have been in your shoes, so know that you’re not alone. Social and emotional regulation really is the base of the developmental pyramid. No matter how smart a kid is they can’t access their logical thinking if they’re emotionally dysregulated. Hence why punishing a meltdown just doesn’t make sense. Most of these kids need a safe person to coregulate with until they learn how to do it themselves. To do it themselves they have to have the tools— which are going to be variable for each individual. For my kid the tools are heavy work, linear movement (swinging or rocking), compression (weighted blanket), and reduced auditory and visual stimuli. Your kiddo may have vastly different needs though. I don’t know where you’re located, but can you self refer him to OT? That’s what we had to do because our pediatrician didn’t think there was any need for evaluation…, This definitely changes things. Is he on medication for the ADHD? Have you been evaluated for autism yourself?, Is your kid in school with an IEP? Therapy should be a part of it, He is on meds. And it seems to not do anything. I have not because I don’t know how. I’m completely lost other than going through CMH and they don’t seem to help. I’ve had my suspicions about being autistic myself, but I also had a brain tumor so I take that into thought too. Is this something I can request from my doctor?, I’m American so I’m really only familiar with how to do it here, but your GP may be able to help. Where I live there are a lot of medications approved for ADHD, some stimulants, some not. ADHD unfortunately also comes with emotion dysregulation and delays in learning those skills. I know you’re super overwhelmed. Take a sec to have a deep breath., >meds. And it seems to not do anything. I have not because I don’t know how. I’m completely lost other than going through CMH and they don’t seem to help. > >I’ve had my suspicions about being autistic myself, but I also had a brain tumor so I take that into thought too. > >Is this something I can request from my d I can't speak for your kid, but with mine, there was a brief honeymoon period on ritalin after which her irritability actually got worse than it was off of meds. She lasted one day on Vyvanse which was involved a total of 3 or 4 hours of meltdowns and that was the end of that. She does better on guanfacine - much calmer, even improves her stutter a bit. Some issues with fatigue and constipation but overall better than the meltdowns. In first grade she was medically dxd with ADHD and they said she had "sensory issues more typical of autism but no autism due to lack of social impairment". In second grade she withdrew socially and started to have a bunch of meltdowns in class which led me to push for a full school evaluation which ended up finding she had autism. Things are getting better now but it has been a rough ride., I’m in American too just clueless. lol.

Difficult adjusting to change (as a parent)

Hello! (Sorry typo in title lol. DIFFICULTY) So, I guess as many parents have here, I kinda figured out I might be ND after having my son. He is currently 8 and I guess you’d say he’s level 3 or something. Today tho I’m writing to ask your advice as a parent. Usually during the week, my routine works well. I wake up, do the things I have to do get my son ready for school. During the day, I work from home for myself so I have my little schedule including some me time too, since I’m alone with my son all the time. However, I ’m having difficulties adjusting when we have changes of schedule. For instance, this week we had a snowstorm so there was no school on Thursday. I felt lost. It’s like I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my time anymore. I of course take care of my son, but it’s during the in between moments that I’m lost. I find it hard to do anything during those moments because they feel too short. He is very dependent of me and I have to supervise a lot, but it feels like not enough to keep me fully busy, but also too much to do anything else. I’m having similar difficulties in the weekend if my son had a bad night. I have a more lenient routine in the weekend but lack of sleep is hard for both of us. Some nights he will sleep and then the days are kinda easier, but some nights he will wake up at 2 and stay up til 5 and sleep an hour, or not at all. Then it gets hard the following day to follow our routine, so I feel lost again. I don’t wanna spend all those little moments on my phone, but I just don’t know what else to do. Maybe I should just relax but I feel bored, impatient and guilty. Idk of what, I do everything I’m supposed to do etc. I’m not sure if I expressed how I feel properly, I’m hoping I did and someone will relate. I’m not looking for advice for my son’s sleep pattern, more so how to deal with changes myself. TL;DR: how do you adapt to sudden changes in your schedule? Or according to your little one’s mood? Thank you in advance

Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol, Good for you for being so self-aware and introspective about your needs and struggles! It's clear you have a deep understanding of your son's needs and the importance of maintaining structure and predictability. I feel this way too - the in-between moments you describe can absolutely feel unsettling when the usual routine is disrupted. Here are some potential things to try: \- What if you had a "backup" routine that you can fall back on when your regular schedule is changed? It wouldn't have to be exact because you never know what will happen, but just maybe a little list of activities, relaxation techniques, projects, etc. that you could turn to if you're feeling stuck. \- When I have unscheduled or unexpected open time in the day, I like to time block it out and have specific windows for everything like 'work,' 'baths,' 'clean up' to help it feel a little more structured. \- Build in extra time for transitions! Don't expect to seamlessly transition to one thing to the next, especially when changes happen. Your son is fortunate to have a parent who is so thoughtful and attuned to their needs! Best of luck!!, I found that the little moments that I’d usually be on my phone I spend them either crocheting while watching my son or reading. It’s okay to have “parallel play” with our kids sometime!, Thank you for your advice, the back up routine is such a great idea! I need to think of something like that that I can just customize to the day. The time blocks I already do, I developed a great routine for my chores, even during unsettling times haha, See, i knit for a living but i can’t really do it next to my son, he loves yarn a little too much and pulls on my projects and it just becomes too much. I try to read but he will pull my book away., My son would try to take my books also, for a wile I would play audio books for us and my son really enjoyed it. The last one we listened to was Coraline, Great idea! We do watch stuff and I play with him, I hope i made it clear in my post hehe. Sometimes he just kicks me out of his room so he can hang alone, which I totally respect. Maybe he would enjoy audiobooks as well., My son is getting to that too haha! Check with your local library and see what app they have and you can “barrow” audio books for free! I learned this trick for my son when I had to read a book for my children’s literature class and he’s been loving it since then. I hope it works out!, I personally love seeing it, because it’s his autonomy. He also used to have meltdown when we had family visiting sometimes so I taught him that if he wanted to be alone, he could go in his room and nobody would go there unless he wanted to. Since then he routinely kicks me out and closes the door behind 🙄 lol, That’s a great thing for him to have at home a safe space! But I feel you my 4.5 year old holds the cat hostage in the room and leaves me out sometimes lol

Disabled Parking Permit?

I had a friend send me a video of a mom with an autistic child advocating for parents to get a disabled parking permit. Her son had elopement issues and was hit by a car in the parking lot. My friend said I should consider getting one because my daughter (age 4) also has elopement issues… but idk. I feel like that should be reserved for those with physical disabilities, like wheelchair bound or have difficulty walking long distances. It almost feels like I would be cheating the system. I don’t necessarily care about the “good parking”. I got two feet and can walk from the back of the parking lot just fine. At the same time, I can see how it could be beneficial. What are your thoughts? My husband and I are just so on the fence about this. We don’t want to take advantage and leave a physically disabled person without a spot, but as our daughter gets old if she still has these elopement issues I won’t be able to carry her like I do now. We are in TN so no idea how hard it would be to get that permit anyways.

I have a 4 year old with elopement issues. She lets go of my hand and just takes off - and boy is she fast. I do not have a disabled parking permit though - we live in the suburbs and finding close parking is hardly ever an issue. I also always carry her in parking lots (she’s around 40% of my body weight so I can only carry her a short distance). That being said, I think you have a valid reason to get a disabled parking permit. If parking was an issue where I live, I’d probably get a handicap permit for the safety of my child., I’m disabled. Please apply for the pernit if you think it’d keep your kids safe. People drive like bats out of hell in TN sometimes esp if you’re in Nashville or another large city. Source: I grew up two hourz south oc Nashville and graduated high school there., [deleted], If you're disabled or transport a disabled person and have identified a way that it's beneficial that pertains to the disability, then it's just as much for you/your child as anybody who uses it for a physical disability. Period. It's that simple. Don't let the gatekeepers in these comments give you impostor syndrome and get you discouraged. There's already enough red tape in the world of disabilities as it is., Is there a limit on how many they'll issue? I'm assuming no, so if you got one and only used it when you really needed it, I don't see an ethical issue., I found it more helpful to park near a cart return. That way he went from his carseat to the cart/from the cart to the car. If we weren’t somewhere with carts, he went from his carseat to the stroller. I basically just didn’t give him a choice to walk in parking lots. He outgrew eloping around 8ish, for the most part. If he still eloped now, as a 6’ tall teen, I’d absolutely get the permit, it just wasn’t a need for us back when he still fit in strollers (and despite his height now, he was very small for his age until puberty, so he fit for a long time)., I had one for my son who was an eloper. I used it when I needed it and never used it without him., I have a parking permit for eloping. My son has meltdowns and will lay in the road because he knows I can no longer pick him up and carry him- he is 6, this has been an issue since 3/4, but it is significantly better than it once was. We held out until I could no longer take him places because I was so afraid and his meltdowns walking from the car/to the car were so bad. A parking permit keeps him safe, because he is not in the road, and short walks mean no meltdowns. My husband argued with me initially for the same reason- but you are not “taking advantage” when you have a child who is a safety risk. We don’t always use it. If there’s close enough parking, we use that, but better to have it and not need it. We had to get a doctor’s note, and fill out a permanent application in our state, citing a neurological disorder as the disability- it took about 6 weeks to process and is good for 5 years. Check your state’s department of licensing, I believe I called mine to find out. It is NOT taking advantage to make sure your child is at a lower risk of being hit by a car- which would devastate you AND the driver. You are being considerate of everyone by giving your daughter her best chance at safety., I was offered a disability parking permit during my initial evaluation in August. I mentioned to the doctor I would think about it and let her know during our follow up in a month for the official diagnostic results. I then drove back home 7+ hours with just my son and I. Let's just say, by the end of the trip I realized how helpful it would have been. My son elopes, is nonverbal, has phases where I have to carry him everywhere because otherwise he won't walk or be led. Just going to our local store is 50/50 on whether or not we use it - granted it increased the further along I got with this pregnancy because my physical capacity to deal with my kids has decreased. Earlier in my pregnancy we would try not to use it, but that required my husband to carry my ASD son who would constantly violently thrash in arms. My NT kid is not even 1.5 yet but also 30 lbs, so I put him in a cart ASAP if I have to get him - my husband lugging around 60+ lbs of kids + diaper bags isn't fair to him all the time and not sustainable. Also consider if you ever try to do anything special (or normal) like going to a theme park or a museum. Generally you'd have to travel a lot further for parking, increasing the likelihood of something happening with your child. With the size of our kids we had to get the wonderfold wagon, so we can technically transport them throughout the parking lot but not every location is appropriate for that wagon. We just got a car two weekends ago that can even fit the wagon. But we also don't want to take it out for a quick in/out shopping trip or food stop (drive thrus causes our ASD son a lot of distress so we go inside if the line is too long). Really, there's no harm in having it and not using it if you really don't want to. But if you have it, you at least have the option., Just because you get a placard doesn’t mean you need to use it every time. If you are in a place where you think parking closer will keep them Safer you can use it. If not you can park in whatever regular spot you want., My autistic kid also has a wheelchair and we have a permit. My other autistic kid has zero sense of space with moving vehicles etc so it keeps them both safe even though it’s for my youngest (and i only use it when he’s there obviously, never without him). If it keeps your kids safe then do it. No one minds “who” has a disabled permit. Sometimes we use the wheelchair and sometimes we don’t but we still need access and the shorter distance means we can sometimes get by without it. I’ve never thought someone’s “less” disabled or less worthy of using the spot; i don’t know what their diagnoses are nor is it my business. If they’ve got a permit they need it and have just as much right to it as we do. 😊 you don’t need to justify or validate it to anyone. If the kids team thinks it will be beneficial and their needs meet the requirements then go for it. Some days you’ll need it some days you won’t but it’s there for when you do (and when you’re quick enough to get a spot 😝), I have twins that are 7 and they both are level 3,GDD, elope, no sense of danger and a little bit of hard time walking long distances they have foot pronation and it hurts their feet to walk very far. Their pediatrician gave me a prescription for permanent disabled placard and I just made an appointment at the DMV and brought that with me and they got it all sorted right there and gave me some cards and I had to wait not long for the placard to come. I have 2 vehicles so they gave me one for each. It was a really easy process. If your little one elopes you will definitely want to get it before they get too big that you can't carry them anymore and even if you get it you don't have to use it just know that you have the peace of mind that you have it available if need be., This one is tough... So, I won't be getting one because my child has standard mobility and does not have elopement troubles. Just a quick Google search, it looks like the statistics are increasing (alot) on the disabled placecards and so are the abuse allegations. Personally, I got a temporary one when I was very pregnant because I couldn't walk far at all. I don't necessarily agree with getting one for elopement for small children. When the older/bigger ones have elopement concerns, I could feel that being more appropriate because it's physically harder to stop them. There are just so many people with mobility issues and so few parking spots. https://www.bts.gov/travel-patterns-with-disabilities, I use it for my 7 year old, he also has extreme toe walking and orthotics., If you don't need it *right now*, don't apply for it. If you find you need it in the future, apply then. My son used to elope as a toddler, but he grew out of it. Your daughter may be very different three years from now (when you anticipate needing accommodations)., Personally - as long as I’m physically able to carry my guy into a place if he’s in a running mood than I’m not considering it. Let’s say he’s 14 and still bolting I may feel differently, I actually just had this conversation with my daughter's neurology NP! She is also 4, with elopement issues, ESPECIALLY in parking lots. License plates are a special interest of hers, so you can see the problem there. I also have a seemingly NT but very wild 18 month old. We've had a couple absolutely terrifying close calls in parking lots that keep me up at night. The NP suggested we apply for a six-month temporary disabled placard. She thinks it's likely my daughter will start to outgrow some of this in the next year or so, and hopefully little brother will become more manageable as well, but for now safety is paramount, especially considering her license plate fixation. (We are of course working on this with her as much as we can -- she has a great social story about it that she reads in the car, but it only takes a second for her to impulsively pull away from me.) My reaction at first was like yours, but then I started to reason that I wouldn't actually need to use it often, but it would be good to have in reserve for those rare times that I can't find a safe spot. Even if I only used it once a month, it might be worth it., Get if you feel like you need it but be careful when you use it. People can be very mean/rude if they feel like you don’t look disabled enough. My SIL has one and is clearly disabled (one of her legs is messed up and she has lots of medical problems that aren’t visible). Her husband drives her and I’ve witnessed a few back and forth from people who think they shouldn’t be parking in those spots., I have one for my son. I rarely use it because I go out of my way to do grocery delivery/otherwise shop without my son for his safety/comfortability., I seriously believe that handicap parking should ONLY go to people who can’t walk/walk far. I get the elopement thing and it sucks being hit by a car for sure. It’s sad…but even in a handicap parking spot they can elope and get hit., If I don't need it, I don't use it. If you need it do it. If not, other's need this., Do you mean TN visa?, We live in NW TN (north of Jackson). But Jackson isn’t necessarily small. We also travel to Memphis a lot because of family and you know how Memphis folks drive 😳, My daughters ABA and OT/ST is in Jackson so we are there daily., She is in ABA and OT. They are working on her elopement in ABA. She will hold out hands but I also have a two year old. So when I’m out with both of them by myself it’s hard. I do put a harness on my 4 year old when we are out. It helps but the lead on that is so long that if she does wiggle away she can get far enough to be dangerous. I guess I can see if I can find a shorter one., That’s the other side of the coin on this. I will 100% only use it when I need it like when I’m by myself with both my toddlers. But at the same time, there are things I am doing to protect her that are working but that video kind of scared me. I know how quick a kid can take off and her not having a sense of danger just makes me nervous. It only takes one time., I always park next to the cart return. Not just because of the elopement but also because of my anxiety around leaving my kids in the car even for a second (I lock the doors before I put the cart up). And with the elopement, it’s difficult for me to put the cart up and then walk back to the car by myself with two toddlers. We do have a double stroller that she does well in and if we know we are going somewhere like the zoo we will take that or our wagon. That’s kind of why I’m on the fence. I can do those things to help her but that video kind of scared me. That’s why I’m asking for a bit of advice. She’s nonverbal, elopes, and has no regard for safety. I have had her try to bolt to the road in our driveway while trying to get my toddlers out the car. Why I have started taking them in one at a time. I also got a harness with a lead to put on her when I’m by myself with both toddlers, but the lead is so long she can get too far ahead of me if I’m not careful. So I think I’m going to hunt down a shorter one., IF we do get it, that’s my plan. Only when she’s with us. I don’t want to abuse that at all., That’s my plan IF we get it. I would only use it if I’m by myself with both my toddlers. If I have my teenager or my husband with me I have no need for it., Right?! Hahaha! I think the next parent meeting I have with her BCBA I am going to inquire about it. If her BCBA feels she would benefit from it then I’ll go to my daughter’s PCP., I disagree, just because it might be easier to “physically” stop an older child, it’s still a major safety issue having a young child run into oncoming traffic, especially since they might be harder to spot. I think there are a lot of people abusing disabled placecards, but OP would not be one of them., Exactly. I have my 4 year old autistic daughter and a 2 year old NT daughter. The 2 year old minds well, but she’s 2. I can easily get distracted by her doing something and then off goes my 4 year old. We haven’t had as much issues in parking lots but I have had some close calls in our driveway. Now I take my toddlers in one at a time if I’m by myself because my 4 year old has sprinted to the road and got close enough to scare the hell out of me., And I literally would only use it when I’m by myself with both toddlers. If my husband or teenage son is with me I am fine. I have help. But alone? Yeah it can be chaos lol., My daughter is also into license plates! Luckily it didn't come on until she'd outgrown eloping., That’s my worry a little but at the same time I don’t care what people think. It’s like with her communication device. If someone makes a comment about kids and their electronics I’m quick to educate them. I will happily do the same for anyone who makes a comment about us not “looking disabled”. But, as I said, we are still having a conversation about if we feel it’s necessary. I think the next parent meeting we have with her BCBA I will bring it and up to see what her thoughts are. If she thinks my daughter doesn’t need it I won’t get it. If she thinks it’s a good idea to talk to her pediatrician about I will. Her BCBA is awesome and we have a great rapport where she will be honest about it., [deleted], We tried a harness a few times, but he’d just stand and refuse to move with it on. lol, Oh, it's no judgement. I just wouldn't do it personally., Honestly, I think the only place I would use it is in the parking lot of the place where my daughter does speech. It's a kind of chaotic set up, with really cramped spaces, and I always end up with cars parked so close on either side that I have to squeeze single-file with both kids to get them in the car. That's when she slips away from me. The last time she did it, she ran over to the car next to us to crouch behind it to read the license plate -- just when the driver started the engine. I screamed, grabbed the baby and ran over to yank her out of the way-- luckily, the person didn't try to back up right away and saw me. But it was so awful, I started crying from adrenaline as soon as I had both kids safely buckled in. That's when the nurse practitioner suggested we apply for a temporary placard. She said she had other patients who had done the same and they'd all been approved. I'm starting to think if my daughter's medical provider and the California DMV both agree that my daughter's disability warrants it, I don't need to worry about what other people think about it. If I use it in an ethical manner -- and I absolutely will -- that's good enough for me., To be fair, license plates are pretty interesting! I just need her to stop crouching behind parked cars to read them., You just validated every thought I’ve had. Thank you. It’s hard. Having a child with autism isn’t easy. Adding another toddler in the mix makes it even more stressful when I’m alone and have to go into a store. It doesn’t help that the 4 year old LOVES to throw things so shopping is a nightmare if I can’t find a cart with two seats 😂 It’s a constant battles because my 2 year old sits in the front seat and I sit the 4 year old in the actual cart. So if I’m not careful we will literally leave breadcrumbs that you can follow around the store 🤣

Disagreements on if we believe our Kid is ready for potty training.

I (39M) and my wife (38F) have begun the process of going full ham into potty training our son (3.5m). I am the primary care giver due to me being at home because I have a job that is 100% WFH, while my wife is forced to go into the office. I am in the camp that he is not ready to be potty trained because I see several little things that he has not mastered yet that seem to be the stepping stones he needs. However my wife wants to push forward regardless of the signs to show he is ready because she believes if we wait any longer we are just delaying and setting ourselves back 6 months to a year of progress. My little man is a Non verbal low needs ASD with global developmental delay. He is very receptive to us communicating to him but lacks a lot of communication skills back to us. He has low processing sensory and attention span is all over the place, (like any kid with an attention span his age LOL). He is doing very well with his IEP in school but it takes an immense amount of coaxing to be able to do simple tasks. sometimes as simple as taking off his pants or just asking him to bring a snack he wants to us so we can open it. I am not sure how much more context i can give with my tired brain, If yall have questions I would be happy to answer. but like the main thing is I understand my wife's POV and logic on potty training, but since i see him a lot more often because of our life set up that I see the little quirks out of him that says he is not quite ready for this level of feeling in his body that with someone who has an extreme level of high pain tolerance can teach how to control it when he can barely sit still sometimes. Should we work on potty training now and for the next 6 months to a year? or should we wait until his life skills are a little more solid?

It isn’t necessary to have all those skills independently in order to potty train. My daughter is 8 and we potty trained her at 6 but she still needs constant prompting and reminders for each step and we’ve been going over it since preschool. I think your kiddo may have the capacity to learn if he notices the wetness if he’s only in underwear & then start to associate that feeling with going in the potty instead of his underwear. Does he let you know when he needs something? Cuz I think that’s the biggest factor, he needs to have the ability to let you know he needs to go. Doesn’t have to be verbal but just someway to communicate. I also see both sides because they longer you hold of the harder it is to do the actual potty training. But in reality 3.5 isn’t that old, my son who is NT wasn’t trained til right before his 3rd bday so I don’t think it’s super important just yet, What are his skills surrounding toileting like? Can he pull his pants up and down? Can he wash his hands? Can he go into the bathroom or sit on the toilet? Can he flush the toilet after someone has used it? Does he have any sensory issues around using toilet paper instead of baby wipes? Does he indicate if he needs to go to the toilet or complain if his clothes are wet? If he can do those things he’d be ready for toilet training, if not then work on those skills first. We toilet trained our son at 4 and a half and he picked it up within a few days. But i don’t feel like it was delaying things because we worked on the other skills in the meantime., I was basically told that for autistic kids potty training starts at 4 if that helps. This was by the autism consultant locally. , We started potty training with a nonverbal 2yo who would communicate his needs only in terms of books or songs and did not care for "mundane" tasks like eating, toiletting, dressing etc. at all. He learned first to control his body functions and then to deliberately letting go in the bathroom within 6 months. I'm sure that if we did not take pull-ups off at home (he did not go to any kind of childcare, so we could have him out of pull-ups most of the time) he'd keep happily using them and would not get in touch with his body until much later. I don't believe in necessary readiness signs because my child is often mastering the complicated things long before the easy ones, and if we waited for him to be ready he would just do neither and have a bigger delay to overcome. However since your son attends school I'd start with talking to them - they probably won't allow him attend without diapers and if the school takes many hours a day, it may affect the training., He really doesn't let us know when he needs something. That is the challenge, Do you think he needs all those skills? because he can do anumber of them but just requires a lot of prompting. Can he pull his pants up and down? Yes Can he wash his hands? Yes with a little bit of guidence of getting him soap. Can he sit on the toilet? Yes, No issues sitting but actually going has no success. Can he flush? Yes but requires a prompt to do so. Does he have sensory issues around toilet paper? No, but getting him to understand to wipe has been a challenge. Does he indicate if he needs to go to the toilet or complain his clothes are wet? No, This is the big one he doesn't notice when he gets wet a lot of the time. This is where I had mentioned his low sensory processing. and I feel this is the big why this whole process is a struggle. Based upon your questions it feels like we are so incredibly close to being ready but just not quite there. like another month or so based on your questions., It does, The big birthday is this month., That’s really good, it sounds like he’s probably ready to start or at least very close. You might find that he starts noticing he’s wet once he’s out of nappies, and you can prompt him to go to the toilet regularly if he’s not indicating that he needs to go himself. When we started we picked a time when we were all at home with no plans to go out. We put him in underpants as soon as he woke up, then prompted him to go to the toilet every 30 to 40 minutes. We gave him games to play on the toilet (laminated cards of “I spy”, so they could be cleaned easily) so he was happy sitting there for a while. We had a sticker chart when he used the toilet and showed him a timer to count down to the next toilet break. My son’s special interest is numbers, so the timer worked very well for him. We bought disposable change mats for him to sit on to protect the lounge and carpets. The first few days were very hard, lots of fighting and being upset, but once we pushed through he just adjusted. We slowly extended the time between toilet trips. I definitely recommend both you and your wife being home for the first few days, I’m the primary caregiver too and I couldn’t have done it without my husband being there., Do you mean he doesn’t notice if I pour some water on his sleeve? Or he notice wet nappies? I think it’s worth a try, but I wouldn’t get too discouraged if it didn’t work. If he has very poor introception (sense of what is happening in his body) he may not be able to connect the sensation of needing to void with voiding. He may get better at this as he gets older. I would go at it in a very casual manner and not be too upset if he’s just not there yet. Good luck!!!, He is in regular underwear and he doesn't notice. He notices water on his sleep but he would wet his pants and not tell anyone. Thr introception has always somewhat been a thing. That's where really the disagreement between me and his mom comes in. How bad his introception is keeping him from being able to learn potty training.

Disney cruises with autism

My extended family is planning a Disney cruise for next year and asked us to join them. My kids did Disney World last year and had a pretty great time (thanks DAS pass!) but I know that the cruise ships don't have any official accommodations or anything like the theme parks do. I know about Autism on the Seas but it looks like they only work with Royal Carribean (but correct me if I'm wrong!) Has anyone done a Disney Cruise with their autistic kids? What can I expect and what should I ask for to make it easier on all of us? Ship is the Dream and ages will be almost 9 (girl) and almost 6 (boy) at cruise time. Boy is level 2, girl is level 1.

Hi! We cruised on the Dream with our then-4 year old this past fall. It was his first cruise and we all had a great time. Our biggest concern was the muster drill. I spoke to Guest Services after we boarded and explained our situation. They allowed us to all check in at our station, and then let my wife take him back to our room where it was less noisy for the actual drill. We definitely did things “his way” to a degree - we spent a LOT of time watching the elevators go up and down, which he loved. But I’m happy to answer any specific questions you might have., I have a daughter who is Level 1 but has some pretty severe sensory issues. She is 12. We've taken multiple Disney Cruises now (Wish and Fantasy.) She LOVES them. She LOVES the kids club, and overall the counselors are really chill and will go along with whatever vibe the kiddo brings. If she wants to sit and do crafts all day - they are down with that. If she wants to play video games or sing and dance, they are down with that too. The hardest part for my daughter was dinnertime (too big of a loud production, too much action, too many lights and people. We learned early on that she liked to eat room service dinner in the room to decompress) and finding food she would eat. Once we found out she would eat chicken fingers, that's all she ate the entire cruise. She LOVED the live action shows though, and many other random things we found along the way. happy to answer any other questions if I can!, We had a great time with my 7 yr old on the Wish. My oldest (ND but not autistic) hung out in the kids club and we pretty much just went with the flow otherwise. Our muster station was in one of the restaurants, so that actually went pretty well for us. Make sure that you request a dining table in a quiet section. That made life a lot easier for us!!!! We had a table on the edge of the restaurant and had room around us so my kiddo could get out if his chair and get the wiggles out. Our servers had chicken fingers and 2 plates of fries on our table just as soon as we sat down so the kids could dig in right away, which was awesome! We also made sure to arrive at the shows close to start time and we sat at the back of the theater on the aisle. We sat thru 2 of the shows, but happily could duck out easily without disturbing anyone when he wasn’t interested in the last show. Of course his favorite thing was that we let him get as many ice cream cones as he wanted 😂😂, Biggest worry is if they're potty trained. Of not, they can't go in the ship pools. That's been the deal breaker for us., Thank you! The muster drill was one of my concerns... glad to know they are a bit flexible with that, so thank you for the advice. My son is an elevator lover too, so that gives me an idea for a sensory activity. Is the kids club ok for kids who kinda like to be left alone vs doing a group activity? My oldest might be into it if she could do art projects or something., Lol my kids will be into ice cream all day too. It's my selling point., They both are but that's good to know., Fuck them, we just stick a swim nappy on our guy and a full length swim suit and tell them he's trained., The kids clubs looked like a LOT of fun. We never made it inside, unfortunately. They had “open house” blocks each day where parents could go with their kids and he always was excited until we got there and then froze up. I believe there were craft-type events at the clubs. Once you’re on the ship, there’s an app that has the daily schedule of stuff like that., OP I commented above but just wanted to add - I am not sure which ship you're looking at. The Wish was a little bit more overwhelming for my kid. The Fantasy (and I am assuming any of the older ships) was less so, I think bc it's less people and less busy., I thought that too, the first time I took my kids on a cruise and my 2 year old wanted to leave the kid section. Poop in a pool is a big deal and requires the pool to be drained. Then that pool is out of commission for everyone! So while it sounds/feels harsh, it’s just for everyone’s well being., We are on the Dream, I think. One that goes out of TX., He has to actually eat to poo though 😆, Ok, this should be great! I think you'll have a lot of fun :), Touché!!! 😂😂😂😂, This was my best encounter on Reddit today! 😂 That was a good giggle, Hi! We cruised on the Dream with our then-4 year old this past fall. It was his first cruise and we all had a great time. Our biggest concern was the muster drill. I spoke to Guest Services after we boarded and explained our situation. They allowed us to all check in at our station, and then let my wife take him back to our room where it was less noisy for the actual drill. We definitely did things “his way” to a degree - we spent a LOT of time watching the elevators go up and down, which he loved. But I’m happy to answer any specific questions you might have., I have a daughter who is Level 1 but has some pretty severe sensory issues. She is 12. We've taken multiple Disney Cruises now (Wish and Fantasy.) She LOVES them. She LOVES the kids club, and overall the counselors are really chill and will go along with whatever vibe the kiddo brings. If she wants to sit and do crafts all day - they are down with that. If she wants to play video games or sing and dance, they are down with that too. The hardest part for my daughter was dinnertime (too big of a loud production, too much action, too many lights and people. We learned early on that she liked to eat room service dinner in the room to decompress) and finding food she would eat. Once we found out she would eat chicken fingers, that's all she ate the entire cruise. She LOVED the live action shows though, and many other random things we found along the way. happy to answer any other questions if I can!, We had a great time with my 7 yr old on the Wish. My oldest (ND but not autistic) hung out in the kids club and we pretty much just went with the flow otherwise. Our muster station was in one of the restaurants, so that actually went pretty well for us. Make sure that you request a dining table in a quiet section. That made life a lot easier for us!!!! We had a table on the edge of the restaurant and had room around us so my kiddo could get out if his chair and get the wiggles out. Our servers had chicken fingers and 2 plates of fries on our table just as soon as we sat down so the kids could dig in right away, which was awesome! We also made sure to arrive at the shows close to start time and we sat at the back of the theater on the aisle. We sat thru 2 of the shows, but happily could duck out easily without disturbing anyone when he wasn’t interested in the last show. Of course his favorite thing was that we let him get as many ice cream cones as he wanted 😂😂, Biggest worry is if they're potty trained. Of not, they can't go in the ship pools. That's been the deal breaker for us., Thank you! The muster drill was one of my concerns... glad to know they are a bit flexible with that, so thank you for the advice. My son is an elevator lover too, so that gives me an idea for a sensory activity. Is the kids club ok for kids who kinda like to be left alone vs doing a group activity? My oldest might be into it if she could do art projects or something., Lol my kids will be into ice cream all day too. It's my selling point., They both are but that's good to know., Fuck them, we just stick a swim nappy on our guy and a full length swim suit and tell them he's trained., The kids clubs looked like a LOT of fun. We never made it inside, unfortunately. They had “open house” blocks each day where parents could go with their kids and he always was excited until we got there and then froze up. I believe there were craft-type events at the clubs. Once you’re on the ship, there’s an app that has the daily schedule of stuff like that., OP I commented above but just wanted to add - I am not sure which ship you're looking at. The Wish was a little bit more overwhelming for my kid. The Fantasy (and I am assuming any of the older ships) was less so, I think bc it's less people and less busy., I thought that too, the first time I took my kids on a cruise and my 2 year old wanted to leave the kid section. Poop in a pool is a big deal and requires the pool to be drained. Then that pool is out of commission for everyone! So while it sounds/feels harsh, it’s just for everyone’s well being., We are on the Dream, I think. One that goes out of TX., He has to actually eat to poo though 😆, Ok, this should be great! I think you'll have a lot of fun :), Touché!!! 😂😂😂😂, This was my best encounter on Reddit today! 😂 That was a good giggle, Hi! We cruised on the Dream with our then-4 year old this past fall. It was his first cruise and we all had a great time. Our biggest concern was the muster drill. I spoke to Guest Services after we boarded and explained our situation. They allowed us to all check in at our station, and then let my wife take him back to our room where it was less noisy for the actual drill. We definitely did things “his way” to a degree - we spent a LOT of time watching the elevators go up and down, which he loved. But I’m happy to answer any specific questions you might have., I have a daughter who is Level 1 but has some pretty severe sensory issues. She is 12. We've taken multiple Disney Cruises now (Wish and Fantasy.) She LOVES them. She LOVES the kids club, and overall the counselors are really chill and will go along with whatever vibe the kiddo brings. If she wants to sit and do crafts all day - they are down with that. If she wants to play video games or sing and dance, they are down with that too. The hardest part for my daughter was dinnertime (too big of a loud production, too much action, too many lights and people. We learned early on that she liked to eat room service dinner in the room to decompress) and finding food she would eat. Once we found out she would eat chicken fingers, that's all she ate the entire cruise. She LOVED the live action shows though, and many other random things we found along the way. happy to answer any other questions if I can!, We had a great time with my 7 yr old on the Wish. My oldest (ND but not autistic) hung out in the kids club and we pretty much just went with the flow otherwise. Our muster station was in one of the restaurants, so that actually went pretty well for us. Make sure that you request a dining table in a quiet section. That made life a lot easier for us!!!! We had a table on the edge of the restaurant and had room around us so my kiddo could get out if his chair and get the wiggles out. Our servers had chicken fingers and 2 plates of fries on our table just as soon as we sat down so the kids could dig in right away, which was awesome! We also made sure to arrive at the shows close to start time and we sat at the back of the theater on the aisle. We sat thru 2 of the shows, but happily could duck out easily without disturbing anyone when he wasn’t interested in the last show. Of course his favorite thing was that we let him get as many ice cream cones as he wanted 😂😂, Biggest worry is if they're potty trained. Of not, they can't go in the ship pools. That's been the deal breaker for us., Thank you! The muster drill was one of my concerns... glad to know they are a bit flexible with that, so thank you for the advice. My son is an elevator lover too, so that gives me an idea for a sensory activity. Is the kids club ok for kids who kinda like to be left alone vs doing a group activity? My oldest might be into it if she could do art projects or something., Lol my kids will be into ice cream all day too. It's my selling point., They both are but that's good to know., Fuck them, we just stick a swim nappy on our guy and a full length swim suit and tell them he's trained., The kids clubs looked like a LOT of fun. We never made it inside, unfortunately. They had “open house” blocks each day where parents could go with their kids and he always was excited until we got there and then froze up. I believe there were craft-type events at the clubs. Once you’re on the ship, there’s an app that has the daily schedule of stuff like that., OP I commented above but just wanted to add - I am not sure which ship you're looking at. The Wish was a little bit more overwhelming for my kid. The Fantasy (and I am assuming any of the older ships) was less so, I think bc it's less people and less busy., I thought that too, the first time I took my kids on a cruise and my 2 year old wanted to leave the kid section. Poop in a pool is a big deal and requires the pool to be drained. Then that pool is out of commission for everyone! So while it sounds/feels harsh, it’s just for everyone’s well being., We are on the Dream, I think. One that goes out of TX., He has to actually eat to poo though 😆, Ok, this should be great! I think you'll have a lot of fun :), Touché!!! 😂😂😂😂, This was my best encounter on Reddit today! 😂 That was a good giggle, Hi! We cruised on the Dream with our then-4 year old this past fall. It was his first cruise and we all had a great time. Our biggest concern was the muster drill. I spoke to Guest Services after we boarded and explained our situation. They allowed us to all check in at our station, and then let my wife take him back to our room where it was less noisy for the actual drill. We definitely did things “his way” to a degree - we spent a LOT of time watching the elevators go up and down, which he loved. But I’m happy to answer any specific questions you might have., I have a daughter who is Level 1 but has some pretty severe sensory issues. She is 12. We've taken multiple Disney Cruises now (Wish and Fantasy.) She LOVES them. She LOVES the kids club, and overall the counselors are really chill and will go along with whatever vibe the kiddo brings. If she wants to sit and do crafts all day - they are down with that. If she wants to play video games or sing and dance, they are down with that too. The hardest part for my daughter was dinnertime (too big of a loud production, too much action, too many lights and people. We learned early on that she liked to eat room service dinner in the room to decompress) and finding food she would eat. Once we found out she would eat chicken fingers, that's all she ate the entire cruise. She LOVED the live action shows though, and many other random things we found along the way. happy to answer any other questions if I can!, We had a great time with my 7 yr old on the Wish. My oldest (ND but not autistic) hung out in the kids club and we pretty much just went with the flow otherwise. Our muster station was in one of the restaurants, so that actually went pretty well for us. Make sure that you request a dining table in a quiet section. That made life a lot easier for us!!!! We had a table on the edge of the restaurant and had room around us so my kiddo could get out if his chair and get the wiggles out. Our servers had chicken fingers and 2 plates of fries on our table just as soon as we sat down so the kids could dig in right away, which was awesome! We also made sure to arrive at the shows close to start time and we sat at the back of the theater on the aisle. We sat thru 2 of the shows, but happily could duck out easily without disturbing anyone when he wasn’t interested in the last show. Of course his favorite thing was that we let him get as many ice cream cones as he wanted 😂😂, Biggest worry is if they're potty trained. Of not, they can't go in the ship pools. That's been the deal breaker for us., Thank you! The muster drill was one of my concerns... glad to know they are a bit flexible with that, so thank you for the advice. My son is an elevator lover too, so that gives me an idea for a sensory activity. Is the kids club ok for kids who kinda like to be left alone vs doing a group activity? My oldest might be into it if she could do art projects or something., Lol my kids will be into ice cream all day too. It's my selling point., They both are but that's good to know., Fuck them, we just stick a swim nappy on our guy and a full length swim suit and tell them he's trained., The kids clubs looked like a LOT of fun. We never made it inside, unfortunately. They had “open house” blocks each day where parents could go with their kids and he always was excited until we got there and then froze up. I believe there were craft-type events at the clubs. Once you’re on the ship, there’s an app that has the daily schedule of stuff like that., OP I commented above but just wanted to add - I am not sure which ship you're looking at. The Wish was a little bit more overwhelming for my kid. The Fantasy (and I am assuming any of the older ships) was less so, I think bc it's less people and less busy., I thought that too, the first time I took my kids on a cruise and my 2 year old wanted to leave the kid section. Poop in a pool is a big deal and requires the pool to be drained. Then that pool is out of commission for everyone! So while it sounds/feels harsh, it’s just for everyone’s well being., We are on the Dream, I think. One that goes out of TX., He has to actually eat to poo though 😆, Ok, this should be great! I think you'll have a lot of fun :), Touché!!! 😂😂😂😂, This was my best encounter on Reddit today! 😂 That was a good giggle

Do I have a right to be upset? (Family drama)

My sons fathers dad (so my sons grandpa) has this wife that has a grandson herself and I noticed on Christmas they got her grandson something but not our son. Then on Easter I noticed they got her grandson an Easter basket and not my son. They’ve been married ever since my boyfriend was a kid so a very long time. Maybe I’m just petty but it makes my mommy heart sad for my son.😞 it just doesn’t seem fair. I know that if it was the other way around if it was my son’s grandpa getting something for him and not her grandson something would be said! I can’t help but feel like the wife has something against me when I first had my son I was getting closer to the family and she made up this insane lie about me! My boyfriend hasn’t had a close relationship with his father and he thinks it’s mostly because she doesn’t like when his dad gets close to anyone but her family. Like growing up he never had a room at his dads house but her son did. It’s so bizarre. Anyway! I’m wondering if I should say something to them about not including my son. What would you do?

Big reason I cut off my own Aunt and Uncle is because they literally got gifts for every single kid, multiple gifts, but couldn't be bothered to get a single thing for my little nonverbal dude for Christmas. I sobbed hard on the way home and it would absolutely gut me if I found out he noticed or, even worse, remembered. I refuse to get close to family that would do that to him. He's such a sweet little guy and we had had multiple discussions about things that are and aren't safe for him. They knew. And I bet they laughed their asses off about leaving a child out of Christmas and it fucking disgusts me. Sorry, I didn't mean to rant or vent, but I'm just trying to validate you that this is messed up and you're right to be upset. She sounds like a bitch., Is it the step-MIL buying the presents for her biological grandson and the grandfather isn't buying for his? As opposed to him purposely being missed out by the grandfather? But tbh given the step-MIL has clearly ruled the roost and been the dominant character I expect it will be unlikely to change. So really, your husband's choices are: 1 Say something - potentially resolved or escalates and has further repercussions 2 say nothing but perhaps reduce contact to minimal and get your child to recognise they're not fairytale grandparents Whatever happens imo it needs to be your husband's choice., I have 1 rule with family, you can treat the adults however you like but you better suck it the fuck up when it comes to kids. I have zero patience for that kind of crap. Your son has done nothing to deserve this treatment and is a child, so he shouldn't have to be sucked into adult drama. If I were you, I'd just hug your partner because growing up with that kind of dynamic had to be confusing and hurtful. If it were me, I'd just suddenly always have other plans when they want to do something. Saying something isn't going to change behavior that old. If the grandpa didn't put his foot down for his own son, then he cares even less about his son's son., You absolutely have the right to be upset. It sounds like she has been alienating your boyfriend from his father for a long time and that has extended to your son. Your boyfriend should absolutely say something about it to his dad. Or perhaps your son shouldn't be around the wife any more. It is not fair for him to feel excluded and he will begin to notice and may wonder if it is his fault., Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like this issue isn't personal to you. This is unfair, and your boyfriend's father has allowed his son and grandson to be second banana.  Odds are if your boyfriend brings it up, he'll be met with heated denial and nothing will really change. He has to decide if this is OK for him, and the two of you decide if this is the situation you want your child to grow up in.  It's pretty blatant favoritism. At a minimum, I wouldn't want my kids in a situation where they actually SEE the favoritism.  My in-laws blatantly favor their daughter's kids, so I won't do any gift-giving holidays where they might see it. , honestly, that is not okay. you can easily cut them off just as easily as they disrespect you and your baby. i would never attend any holiday with them around if they’re going to be like that. do your son the favor, because one day he will see the favoritism!, It sounds like this woman is buying things for her grandson and your son's grandfather isn't doing the same for his. It's not her job to do it., I literally can remember the last Christmas we spent with my dad’s mom and stepfather. I was about 8 years old and my sister was 3. They gave us each a very clearly used kids’ book that was probably the right age level for my sister, but was way too young for me, who had started read chapter books by then. My cousin who was a few years older than me, had a mountain of presents waiting for him including a four wheeler. My grandparents were a hot mess and there were already issues, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back., I wouldn't say anything, but I *would* quietly notice. Gifts are not an entitlement, but if you see that your family's presence is not appreciated, creating some distance may be appropriate., Are these the only two grandchildren? So you celebrate the holidays together, or did you see this on social media? Could they're be another reason, like the other child is really low income where they otherwise wouldn't get a basket or toys at Christmas?, Oh, salt in the wound, he was obsessed with Pixar Cars. They got the 14 year old a talking Mater toy that would have been perfect for him as a freaking gag gift to my niece. She looked so weirded out and embarrassed by it too and I can't blame her. I'm sure if she noticed he didn't get anything that she would have just given it to him., That's horrible. I hope she did give it to him! (PS, what's with the Pixar cars obsession with our ASD littles?! Mine too, and I've talked to others too!), She didn't. He got literally nothing from his supposed family. Of course he had stuff from us, but nothing from anyone else. It's not qbout the stuff, it's the principle of it., I would walk out and never look back. Family is defined by choice not DNA., Big reason I cut off my own Aunt and Uncle is because they literally got gifts for every single kid, multiple gifts, but couldn't be bothered to get a single thing for my little nonverbal dude for Christmas. I sobbed hard on the way home and it would absolutely gut me if I found out he noticed or, even worse, remembered. I refuse to get close to family that would do that to him. He's such a sweet little guy and we had had multiple discussions about things that are and aren't safe for him. They knew. And I bet they laughed their asses off about leaving a child out of Christmas and it fucking disgusts me. Sorry, I didn't mean to rant or vent, but I'm just trying to validate you that this is messed up and you're right to be upset. She sounds like a bitch., Is it the step-MIL buying the presents for her biological grandson and the grandfather isn't buying for his? As opposed to him purposely being missed out by the grandfather? But tbh given the step-MIL has clearly ruled the roost and been the dominant character I expect it will be unlikely to change. So really, your husband's choices are: 1 Say something - potentially resolved or escalates and has further repercussions 2 say nothing but perhaps reduce contact to minimal and get your child to recognise they're not fairytale grandparents Whatever happens imo it needs to be your husband's choice., I have 1 rule with family, you can treat the adults however you like but you better suck it the fuck up when it comes to kids. I have zero patience for that kind of crap. Your son has done nothing to deserve this treatment and is a child, so he shouldn't have to be sucked into adult drama. If I were you, I'd just hug your partner because growing up with that kind of dynamic had to be confusing and hurtful. If it were me, I'd just suddenly always have other plans when they want to do something. Saying something isn't going to change behavior that old. If the grandpa didn't put his foot down for his own son, then he cares even less about his son's son., You absolutely have the right to be upset. It sounds like she has been alienating your boyfriend from his father for a long time and that has extended to your son. Your boyfriend should absolutely say something about it to his dad. Or perhaps your son shouldn't be around the wife any more. It is not fair for him to feel excluded and he will begin to notice and may wonder if it is his fault., Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like this issue isn't personal to you. This is unfair, and your boyfriend's father has allowed his son and grandson to be second banana.  Odds are if your boyfriend brings it up, he'll be met with heated denial and nothing will really change. He has to decide if this is OK for him, and the two of you decide if this is the situation you want your child to grow up in.  It's pretty blatant favoritism. At a minimum, I wouldn't want my kids in a situation where they actually SEE the favoritism.  My in-laws blatantly favor their daughter's kids, so I won't do any gift-giving holidays where they might see it. , honestly, that is not okay. you can easily cut them off just as easily as they disrespect you and your baby. i would never attend any holiday with them around if they’re going to be like that. do your son the favor, because one day he will see the favoritism!, It sounds like this woman is buying things for her grandson and your son's grandfather isn't doing the same for his. It's not her job to do it., I literally can remember the last Christmas we spent with my dad’s mom and stepfather. I was about 8 years old and my sister was 3. They gave us each a very clearly used kids’ book that was probably the right age level for my sister, but was way too young for me, who had started read chapter books by then. My cousin who was a few years older than me, had a mountain of presents waiting for him including a four wheeler. My grandparents were a hot mess and there were already issues, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back., I wouldn't say anything, but I *would* quietly notice. Gifts are not an entitlement, but if you see that your family's presence is not appreciated, creating some distance may be appropriate., Are these the only two grandchildren? So you celebrate the holidays together, or did you see this on social media? Could they're be another reason, like the other child is really low income where they otherwise wouldn't get a basket or toys at Christmas?, Oh, salt in the wound, he was obsessed with Pixar Cars. They got the 14 year old a talking Mater toy that would have been perfect for him as a freaking gag gift to my niece. She looked so weirded out and embarrassed by it too and I can't blame her. I'm sure if she noticed he didn't get anything that she would have just given it to him., That's horrible. I hope she did give it to him! (PS, what's with the Pixar cars obsession with our ASD littles?! Mine too, and I've talked to others too!), She didn't. He got literally nothing from his supposed family. Of course he had stuff from us, but nothing from anyone else. It's not qbout the stuff, it's the principle of it., I would walk out and never look back. Family is defined by choice not DNA., Big reason I cut off my own Aunt and Uncle is because they literally got gifts for every single kid, multiple gifts, but couldn't be bothered to get a single thing for my little nonverbal dude for Christmas. I sobbed hard on the way home and it would absolutely gut me if I found out he noticed or, even worse, remembered. I refuse to get close to family that would do that to him. He's such a sweet little guy and we had had multiple discussions about things that are and aren't safe for him. They knew. And I bet they laughed their asses off about leaving a child out of Christmas and it fucking disgusts me. Sorry, I didn't mean to rant or vent, but I'm just trying to validate you that this is messed up and you're right to be upset. She sounds like a bitch., Is it the step-MIL buying the presents for her biological grandson and the grandfather isn't buying for his? As opposed to him purposely being missed out by the grandfather? But tbh given the step-MIL has clearly ruled the roost and been the dominant character I expect it will be unlikely to change. So really, your husband's choices are: 1 Say something - potentially resolved or escalates and has further repercussions 2 say nothing but perhaps reduce contact to minimal and get your child to recognise they're not fairytale grandparents Whatever happens imo it needs to be your husband's choice., I have 1 rule with family, you can treat the adults however you like but you better suck it the fuck up when it comes to kids. I have zero patience for that kind of crap. Your son has done nothing to deserve this treatment and is a child, so he shouldn't have to be sucked into adult drama. If I were you, I'd just hug your partner because growing up with that kind of dynamic had to be confusing and hurtful. If it were me, I'd just suddenly always have other plans when they want to do something. Saying something isn't going to change behavior that old. If the grandpa didn't put his foot down for his own son, then he cares even less about his son's son., You absolutely have the right to be upset. It sounds like she has been alienating your boyfriend from his father for a long time and that has extended to your son. Your boyfriend should absolutely say something about it to his dad. Or perhaps your son shouldn't be around the wife any more. It is not fair for him to feel excluded and he will begin to notice and may wonder if it is his fault., Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like this issue isn't personal to you. This is unfair, and your boyfriend's father has allowed his son and grandson to be second banana.  Odds are if your boyfriend brings it up, he'll be met with heated denial and nothing will really change. He has to decide if this is OK for him, and the two of you decide if this is the situation you want your child to grow up in.  It's pretty blatant favoritism. At a minimum, I wouldn't want my kids in a situation where they actually SEE the favoritism.  My in-laws blatantly favor their daughter's kids, so I won't do any gift-giving holidays where they might see it. , honestly, that is not okay. you can easily cut them off just as easily as they disrespect you and your baby. i would never attend any holiday with them around if they’re going to be like that. do your son the favor, because one day he will see the favoritism!, It sounds like this woman is buying things for her grandson and your son's grandfather isn't doing the same for his. It's not her job to do it., I literally can remember the last Christmas we spent with my dad’s mom and stepfather. I was about 8 years old and my sister was 3. They gave us each a very clearly used kids’ book that was probably the right age level for my sister, but was way too young for me, who had started read chapter books by then. My cousin who was a few years older than me, had a mountain of presents waiting for him including a four wheeler. My grandparents were a hot mess and there were already issues, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back., I wouldn't say anything, but I *would* quietly notice. Gifts are not an entitlement, but if you see that your family's presence is not appreciated, creating some distance may be appropriate., Are these the only two grandchildren? So you celebrate the holidays together, or did you see this on social media? Could they're be another reason, like the other child is really low income where they otherwise wouldn't get a basket or toys at Christmas?, Oh, salt in the wound, he was obsessed with Pixar Cars. They got the 14 year old a talking Mater toy that would have been perfect for him as a freaking gag gift to my niece. She looked so weirded out and embarrassed by it too and I can't blame her. I'm sure if she noticed he didn't get anything that she would have just given it to him., That's horrible. I hope she did give it to him! (PS, what's with the Pixar cars obsession with our ASD littles?! Mine too, and I've talked to others too!), She didn't. He got literally nothing from his supposed family. Of course he had stuff from us, but nothing from anyone else. It's not qbout the stuff, it's the principle of it., I would walk out and never look back. Family is defined by choice not DNA., Big reason I cut off my own Aunt and Uncle is because they literally got gifts for every single kid, multiple gifts, but couldn't be bothered to get a single thing for my little nonverbal dude for Christmas. I sobbed hard on the way home and it would absolutely gut me if I found out he noticed or, even worse, remembered. I refuse to get close to family that would do that to him. He's such a sweet little guy and we had had multiple discussions about things that are and aren't safe for him. They knew. And I bet they laughed their asses off about leaving a child out of Christmas and it fucking disgusts me. Sorry, I didn't mean to rant or vent, but I'm just trying to validate you that this is messed up and you're right to be upset. She sounds like a bitch., Is it the step-MIL buying the presents for her biological grandson and the grandfather isn't buying for his? As opposed to him purposely being missed out by the grandfather? But tbh given the step-MIL has clearly ruled the roost and been the dominant character I expect it will be unlikely to change. So really, your husband's choices are: 1 Say something - potentially resolved or escalates and has further repercussions 2 say nothing but perhaps reduce contact to minimal and get your child to recognise they're not fairytale grandparents Whatever happens imo it needs to be your husband's choice., I have 1 rule with family, you can treat the adults however you like but you better suck it the fuck up when it comes to kids. I have zero patience for that kind of crap. Your son has done nothing to deserve this treatment and is a child, so he shouldn't have to be sucked into adult drama. If I were you, I'd just hug your partner because growing up with that kind of dynamic had to be confusing and hurtful. If it were me, I'd just suddenly always have other plans when they want to do something. Saying something isn't going to change behavior that old. If the grandpa didn't put his foot down for his own son, then he cares even less about his son's son., You absolutely have the right to be upset. It sounds like she has been alienating your boyfriend from his father for a long time and that has extended to your son. Your boyfriend should absolutely say something about it to his dad. Or perhaps your son shouldn't be around the wife any more. It is not fair for him to feel excluded and he will begin to notice and may wonder if it is his fault., Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like this issue isn't personal to you. This is unfair, and your boyfriend's father has allowed his son and grandson to be second banana.  Odds are if your boyfriend brings it up, he'll be met with heated denial and nothing will really change. He has to decide if this is OK for him, and the two of you decide if this is the situation you want your child to grow up in.  It's pretty blatant favoritism. At a minimum, I wouldn't want my kids in a situation where they actually SEE the favoritism.  My in-laws blatantly favor their daughter's kids, so I won't do any gift-giving holidays where they might see it. , honestly, that is not okay. you can easily cut them off just as easily as they disrespect you and your baby. i would never attend any holiday with them around if they’re going to be like that. do your son the favor, because one day he will see the favoritism!, It sounds like this woman is buying things for her grandson and your son's grandfather isn't doing the same for his. It's not her job to do it., I literally can remember the last Christmas we spent with my dad’s mom and stepfather. I was about 8 years old and my sister was 3. They gave us each a very clearly used kids’ book that was probably the right age level for my sister, but was way too young for me, who had started read chapter books by then. My cousin who was a few years older than me, had a mountain of presents waiting for him including a four wheeler. My grandparents were a hot mess and there were already issues, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back., I wouldn't say anything, but I *would* quietly notice. Gifts are not an entitlement, but if you see that your family's presence is not appreciated, creating some distance may be appropriate., Are these the only two grandchildren? So you celebrate the holidays together, or did you see this on social media? Could they're be another reason, like the other child is really low income where they otherwise wouldn't get a basket or toys at Christmas?, Oh, salt in the wound, he was obsessed with Pixar Cars. They got the 14 year old a talking Mater toy that would have been perfect for him as a freaking gag gift to my niece. She looked so weirded out and embarrassed by it too and I can't blame her. I'm sure if she noticed he didn't get anything that she would have just given it to him., That's horrible. I hope she did give it to him! (PS, what's with the Pixar cars obsession with our ASD littles?! Mine too, and I've talked to others too!), She didn't. He got literally nothing from his supposed family. Of course he had stuff from us, but nothing from anyone else. It's not qbout the stuff, it's the principle of it., I would walk out and never look back. Family is defined by choice not DNA.

Do you all keep certain rooms locked or off-limits?

I have a larger home (I’m not rich, we just live in a small town so we were able to afford a bigger house). For the most part my autistic son has access to most of the house, the living room, kitchen, his room, the play room, and my room. We keep the guest room, laundry room, and office locked for a variety of reasons. 1) I like the guest room to stay neat and clean for guests, since we live far from family and they visit frequently. 2) The laundry room is where I keep cleaning chemicals. 3) The home office is where we keep our computers, exercise equipment (treadmill), other electronics, and important documents, as well as my husband’s collection of memorabilia that is important to him. Every time I have forgotten to lock one of these doors, my son has snuck in and done something either dangerous or damaging. He ripped up an expensive baseball card, he snuck and got scissors to cut up the curtains in the guest room, and he locked me out of my computer for days. He tries to unlock the doors frequently because he enjoys being destructive, and breaks things frequently with his rambunctious stimming. He’s very rough on toys, furniture, etc. So I do my best to keep those rooms LOCKED. Anyway, I mentioned all this to a therapist family member, and she was kind of aghast that I “ban” him from certain rooms in his own house. She told me I’m creating trauma by making certain rooms off-limits, or as she said “forbidden”, and that he must not feel comfortable in a home where he’s not allowed everywhere. Am I wrong for this? How is this any different than locking a cabinet with cleaning chemicals in it? Why does he *need* access to a guest room or office when all he does in those rooms is try to destroy something? Talk me down here, I feel loopy from this.

Even with our kids that are not autistic, we have rooms that are off limits. This instills boundaries, privacy, and safety. I see no problem with the rooms you have mentioned being off limits. As your child grows and skills progress, maybe there can be more leniency with this. Does this family member have kids or even an autistic child? Trauma is a heavy word in this instance if you ask me., Yes, we 100% do. Does your family member have kids? We did this with our NT kid too. I remember reading that it's called "creating a yes space." Rather than running around after babies telling them NO all the time, you just create spaces where (most) everything is a yes and they can explore and you can relax. Other parents always love coming to our house because they know everything out that kids can reach and interact with is safe and we're not worried about it getting ruined/ broken. We STILL have child locks on the cabinets because of our PDA/ASD 3.5 year old. We also have locks on the pantry so our 5.5 year old doesn't eat 40 packs of fruit snacks in the night and develop Type 2 diabetes by the morning. This seems like a silly critique for your family member to lob your way unless they've been in your shoes., My bedroom is off limits to our 2 children. For my own sanity, I simply need a space that I don’t have to clean every day, where I can set something down and know it will be there UNDAMAGED when I return for it, where I can find my inner peace for a few minutes so I can be a more patient parent. Now I guess my kids are in there occasionally- but only with myself or my husband under strict supervision. Our house is small, but if we did have another room and could have an office/guest room, I’d make that off limits, too! So I guess maybe we’re both awful parents? 😅, that's ridiculous. you have good reason for keeping rooms locked. there is zero reason to think this would be traumatic, and she shouldn't be making claims like that without evidence. The burden of proof is on her in this instance and you can safely ignore her/ tell her to f off and mind her business., We have some cabinets childproofed and keep a childproof knob cover on the laundry room door (that room is also where we have all our cleaning supplies). Safety first! Your therapist is being weird; I’m pretty sure spilling bleach on himself or hurting himself with scissors would be more traumatic than coming across a door that has been locked for a very sensible reason., Yep, none of our kids are allowed into my office without me. I keep my work computer and sewing/quilting supplies in there. My kids, both autistic and neurotypical, don’t need unfettered access to dangerous things like my sewing machine or rotary cutter. My two littles are never allowed in at all. My 6yo is permitted on special occasions to work on his sewing projects., We keep our bedroom door locked during the day because our bedroom has turned into the official dumping ground for things that our son can't have access to. Pantry and laundry room get locked at night to avoid massive messes. We have 2 other children as well, and we don't allow them in each other's rooms. This is for safety and fairness since this is everyone's home, but our son can dominate a household easily so everyone has a place they can go that is just theirs to get away. Everyone can play in communal spaces, no problem, and that ties into the rule about personal possessions (if you don't want others to play with it, it stays in your room) once a toy enters communal space it's fair game., Who doesn't, with kids? Pantry, water heater closet, attic, SO's office are all off limits for ours., We keep certain cabinets and draws locked, don’t have a big enough house to have rooms to locked. Mostly for safety reasons (chemicals, batteries, etc.). But will let her explore if we happen to have them open and she’s around. Not knowing made her want to look more. Seeing what was in there while supervised seems to have caused her not to care anymore., I have the feeling that’s a “neurodiverse affirming “ therapist or something of that nature . They’re all about trauma and acceptance, if your child elope from the house she’d probably scold you for securing the house to cause false imprisonment or some other ridiculous accusation. I’d just change the therapist, she’s not a good fit for your family needs, Uh, they’re loopy. They aren’t your therapist, and they might not be familiar with neuro diversity, and how you really need different strategies and approaches. I would try to disengage from the subject with them and move on. Don’t let the haters get you down, I have a family member who was is an attorney and sometimes does work from home the room that they do work from home is completely off-limits to everybody. The reason being lawyer client privilege. Not even their spouse goes in that room they clean the room up, they empty the trash. They do everything literally nobody goes in this room. I believe that there can be a multitude of reasons why you can have rooms why you don’t let a child or anybody in a room. I, I think being banned from your parents office and the guest room are standard childhood rules. I think it would actually be more unusual if your child was allowed in those rooms. The laundry room is a safety issue and yes many young children are also not allowed in the laundry room., Yes of course. Fuck the therapist for judging., If I could I would 100%. My house is not set up like that. My girl is not just destructive, she is curious and has no sense of danger. Your job is to keep your kid safe. If it makes you feel better we lock our kid in her room a night. We weren't doing it for a long time but she started coming into our room and jumping on the bed and being rambunctious at 3 am. Not cuddling and going to sleep. As I see it, I am not a good mom when I am very sleep deprived. I lose patience, snap and yell. As much as I try not to, meditate and practice yoga, I fail. Fatigue is my kryptonite. This way I get a reasonable amount of rest so that I can parent her with enough emotional bandwidth and that is my priority. She is smart enough that if she needs me she will lay on the floor and kick the door until I come. I am a light sleeper. Probably makes me devil mom of the year to some trolls, but I know my limits and know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Do what you need to keep your kid safe and yourself sane., I lock the kitchen and bathroom when I want to be able to sit down for 10 minutes without them making a mess., Nah this “therapist” relative is full of it. Does she have kids? Does she want to come to your house for hours on end and physically stand there to defend that space? And this is a terrible application of the word “trauma,” considering no harm is being done for this reasonable boundary., We’re in a townhouse - so rooms, no. Closets where we keep everything he’d break - yes, F that, we have several therapist for our son and no one - no one - has questioned the need for locked doors. Home Office - locked Our bedroom, unless we're in it with him - locked Bathroom - locked, though we're been working on this one for a long time and hope to one day not have do this... However he just broke the toilet last night so progress hasn't been great, like actually broke the top of the toilet becasue he was targeting stuff around him while going potty, found something interesting and proceeded to slam the top tank lid - while I was in there trying to stop him and prevent him making too much of a mess around the seat area - which would have forced us to take a shower to get cleaned up properly :/ I've also had to fully unmount the take the toilet apart several times to dislodge stuff he's tried to flush. Coat closet - locked His own bedroom closet - locked, though this is getting better and he's shown great creativity in ways to get it unlocked :) We keep the random stuff in there as an in-house stuff space for things we need to sort or clean up later. Garage door - locked, we keep most of his activities and toys in the garage on several rolling racks, and reorg stuff every other week or so. He can always request to go in though and we bring stuff in all the time. This helps him with effective communication and work with easy boundaries. It might sound like a lot, but everything else is open concept, he has regular access to toys without requesting, a bunch of senory stuff, the couch, projector to watch shows - he's broken 5 TVs so far - the projector is great for us and solved several problems. He still has lots of freedom and several options for play every day - usually leading to him taking over most of the house, but for us, our work lives are in the home office, my wife and I have over stuffed the tiny space like a decoraded horder's den, and we use it to make a living. The garage has become a stuff space for everything that hasn't worked out in the house, and we have a shed out back for extended storage. Locked doors aren't the problem, it's how we work with them and keep the house feeling inviting for our kiddos that matter :), I keep most rooms off limit. General area are open: kitchen bc open concept, living room, his bedroom., We have a storage room and our utility room locked, and even if everyone in the house was neurotypical, I’d still lock them because no kid needs to be playing in there, I do not ban rooms BUT my son is not destructive, if he were than yes absolutely I would, Nothing has been off limits yet but we are about to move into a new house. We will have a small master bath and I told my husband that we should have that off limits to the kids just because we've never had a no child room before. It just feels more grown up to me., Yes, we have mechanical keypads for the doors to outside and fingerprint locks to my husbands office and the laundry room/ tool room. He’s got no business in those rooms. He can only wreak havoc there., Our bedroom is off limits because she bangs on the windows. The laundry room is off the limits for obviously reasons. The bathroom again for obvious reasons. And now the kitchen because she puts her feet in the sink and gets them wet so she can suck the water out of her clothing. That girl 😂 But otherwise, yeah, she has free rein., Absolutely, I have rooms that are mostly off limits to my little man. Mostly due to potential dangers to him or flooding the home. Our bathrooms have child safety locks which are these slider things at the top of the door. We keep prescriptions in the bathroom so we don't want him getting in there and getting to them. We do let him in there because playing in the shower is one of his favorite things ( and it goes a long way in cleaning him up ) we just don't want him going in there by himself, he has a habit of going in the shower fully clothed, aimlessly flushing things or just leaving the sink open full blast and flooding the place., Upstairs bathroom, because it's dangerous. My bedroom, because it's mine and he has no business being in there and his brothers room for privacy. Oh and the basement, because it's dangerous., So I tried this approach. Yeah we kept forgetting to lock the doors and each time it was bad. So we stopped. Got rid of or locked up whatever we were trying to keep safe or away until he was ready to be more responsible. This was hard for my husband . We were 14 years married already and he had quite a nice collection of man goods/hobbies/collectibles lol. He needs to be taught why and the reasoning behind why things need to be kept a certain way or not touched etc .. a lot of their bad/destructive behaviors are only because they don't understand the purpose or reason so they don't care it seems.  I disagree with her saying that it's banning him and traumatic.  But I do think it's more important to teach him to be a good household member and respect the entire home and people possessions. It's a life skill. You want him to be welcomed at every place and in every room just like everyone else.Locking everything away doesn't teach them to be safe or make better choices. Yes we lock everything up when they're small and don't understand. But we teach them to be safe and make good choices like any other child . Also that there consequences for bad choices. Yes it might take weeks months maybe years but hey that's Autism. But they learn to be more careful with proper teaching and consistency. Fwd a few years My husband is back to fish keeping,building models all his fragile expensive hobbies.  My son is lvl 3 nonverbal AUDHD  13 year old  utilizing AAC for reference. He was destructive till around 9 though. It was a long hard process but we're all better for it now. , Sounds like the therapist wasn't paying attention in class. I had a therapist tell me after stating we locked everything up that I'm just impeding his growth and independence. That I need to reach him to be safe,make good choices, consequences and respect other people's property.  Now that was gold. He was around 4 at the time. He was destructive and had no sense of danger. I thought she's nuts. But it got harder keeping things locked or protecting our stuff. So we got rid of it, a lot in storage sold alot. My husband wasn't happy. We're married 14 years at that time he had quite a man collection. Boat, motorcycles,car models,all sorts of collectibles fish tanks etc ..Went all in with ABA, ST, OT and eventually meds. Still had one locked room . I explained to him the room was filled with expensive things that he would break and would cost me more money to buy then he would just break it again and I have to buy it again and that we're just wasting our time and money. He got it. He wanted the Switch one day from the Room I asked if he was ready to be careful and not break anything he said yes. I took him in and h was so careful lol. Once I knew he understood I brought everything back out. But yeah we had laptops, games, big TVs all that stuff locked away. It sucked for awhile but small piece to pay to walk around freely now and not worry about him getting into everything or breaking it. With my son he needs to explained to him the reasoning behind why we don't do that, or touch this or eat that. He also needs to visually see the consequences. He's 13 now, we don't keep anything locked except the main house doors of course. I just mean that it's okay to lock them for right now. But teach them to be good household members, be careful and respectful just like you do any other kid. It's a necessary life skill. But yeah that therapist meant well I think. , Yup our LO is only 3 but basically he has 100% supervision at that age still. Our house is over 3,000sqft also. He has whole upper level, room, therapy room, playroom & bathroom. Has access to living room , dining, kitchen with supervision. We limit access to our personal offices as we WFH & its how we provide a life for him. Also we limit the lower level as thats where the teenagers live and have heavy gym equipment and utilities so to dangerous. I would say you are keeping them safe and protecting property nothing wrong with that. Also my NT teens are not allowed in our Master bedroom or offices., She doesn’t have kids, no. But sure has a lot of opinions about them and parenting!, She doesn’t have kids, just a lot of opinions ever since she became a family counselor., my laundry room and my husbands office are also kept locked for the same reason., I take advice from people without kids with a grain of salt. Similarly applies for parents with NT kids. Unless they are professionals in the field. But anyway back to your question. Setting up boundaries is the responsibility of the parent. Don't touch that, don't go there . With ND it's harder to establish these boundaries purely on words, especially with ones that elope. So yeah. Absolutely, looking up doors, gates , anything is perfectly ok. If you have kids of similar age , where you allow one kid to go somewhere but not other one then things can be bit challenging but far from traumatizing . Otherwise perfectly ok, Well, I hope you're waiting for a "do you want to eat your words" moment for later should she have kids, AND making a boundary now. You could ask your question in any parenting forum with *parents in it* and get the same answer. In the interim, if the family counselor is in need of education, tell her to google "creating a yes space" and to let you know if she has any questions, you'd be happy to help., You’re right that I shouldn’t have let it get to me. It’s really impossible for a non parent to know what being a parent is like, much less a parent to an autistic kiddo., Even with our kids that are not autistic, we have rooms that are off limits. This instills boundaries, privacy, and safety. I see no problem with the rooms you have mentioned being off limits. As your child grows and skills progress, maybe there can be more leniency with this. Does this family member have kids or even an autistic child? Trauma is a heavy word in this instance if you ask me., Yes, we 100% do. Does your family member have kids? We did this with our NT kid too. I remember reading that it's called "creating a yes space." Rather than running around after babies telling them NO all the time, you just create spaces where (most) everything is a yes and they can explore and you can relax. Other parents always love coming to our house because they know everything out that kids can reach and interact with is safe and we're not worried about it getting ruined/ broken. We STILL have child locks on the cabinets because of our PDA/ASD 3.5 year old. We also have locks on the pantry so our 5.5 year old doesn't eat 40 packs of fruit snacks in the night and develop Type 2 diabetes by the morning. This seems like a silly critique for your family member to lob your way unless they've been in your shoes., My bedroom is off limits to our 2 children. For my own sanity, I simply need a space that I don’t have to clean every day, where I can set something down and know it will be there UNDAMAGED when I return for it, where I can find my inner peace for a few minutes so I can be a more patient parent. Now I guess my kids are in there occasionally- but only with myself or my husband under strict supervision. Our house is small, but if we did have another room and could have an office/guest room, I’d make that off limits, too! So I guess maybe we’re both awful parents? 😅, that's ridiculous. you have good reason for keeping rooms locked. there is zero reason to think this would be traumatic, and she shouldn't be making claims like that without evidence. The burden of proof is on her in this instance and you can safely ignore her/ tell her to f off and mind her business., We have some cabinets childproofed and keep a childproof knob cover on the laundry room door (that room is also where we have all our cleaning supplies). Safety first! Your therapist is being weird; I’m pretty sure spilling bleach on himself or hurting himself with scissors would be more traumatic than coming across a door that has been locked for a very sensible reason., Yep, none of our kids are allowed into my office without me. I keep my work computer and sewing/quilting supplies in there. My kids, both autistic and neurotypical, don’t need unfettered access to dangerous things like my sewing machine or rotary cutter. My two littles are never allowed in at all. My 6yo is permitted on special occasions to work on his sewing projects., We keep our bedroom door locked during the day because our bedroom has turned into the official dumping ground for things that our son can't have access to. Pantry and laundry room get locked at night to avoid massive messes. We have 2 other children as well, and we don't allow them in each other's rooms. This is for safety and fairness since this is everyone's home, but our son can dominate a household easily so everyone has a place they can go that is just theirs to get away. Everyone can play in communal spaces, no problem, and that ties into the rule about personal possessions (if you don't want others to play with it, it stays in your room) once a toy enters communal space it's fair game., Who doesn't, with kids? Pantry, water heater closet, attic, SO's office are all off limits for ours., We keep certain cabinets and draws locked, don’t have a big enough house to have rooms to locked. Mostly for safety reasons (chemicals, batteries, etc.). But will let her explore if we happen to have them open and she’s around. Not knowing made her want to look more. Seeing what was in there while supervised seems to have caused her not to care anymore., I have the feeling that’s a “neurodiverse affirming “ therapist or something of that nature . They’re all about trauma and acceptance, if your child elope from the house she’d probably scold you for securing the house to cause false imprisonment or some other ridiculous accusation. I’d just change the therapist, she’s not a good fit for your family needs, Uh, they’re loopy. They aren’t your therapist, and they might not be familiar with neuro diversity, and how you really need different strategies and approaches. I would try to disengage from the subject with them and move on. Don’t let the haters get you down, I have a family member who was is an attorney and sometimes does work from home the room that they do work from home is completely off-limits to everybody. The reason being lawyer client privilege. Not even their spouse goes in that room they clean the room up, they empty the trash. They do everything literally nobody goes in this room. I believe that there can be a multitude of reasons why you can have rooms why you don’t let a child or anybody in a room. I, I think being banned from your parents office and the guest room are standard childhood rules. I think it would actually be more unusual if your child was allowed in those rooms. The laundry room is a safety issue and yes many young children are also not allowed in the laundry room., Yes of course. Fuck the therapist for judging., If I could I would 100%. My house is not set up like that. My girl is not just destructive, she is curious and has no sense of danger. Your job is to keep your kid safe. If it makes you feel better we lock our kid in her room a night. We weren't doing it for a long time but she started coming into our room and jumping on the bed and being rambunctious at 3 am. Not cuddling and going to sleep. As I see it, I am not a good mom when I am very sleep deprived. I lose patience, snap and yell. As much as I try not to, meditate and practice yoga, I fail. Fatigue is my kryptonite. This way I get a reasonable amount of rest so that I can parent her with enough emotional bandwidth and that is my priority. She is smart enough that if she needs me she will lay on the floor and kick the door until I come. I am a light sleeper. Probably makes me devil mom of the year to some trolls, but I know my limits and know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Do what you need to keep your kid safe and yourself sane., I lock the kitchen and bathroom when I want to be able to sit down for 10 minutes without them making a mess., Nah this “therapist” relative is full of it. Does she have kids? Does she want to come to your house for hours on end and physically stand there to defend that space? And this is a terrible application of the word “trauma,” considering no harm is being done for this reasonable boundary., We’re in a townhouse - so rooms, no. Closets where we keep everything he’d break - yes, F that, we have several therapist for our son and no one - no one - has questioned the need for locked doors. Home Office - locked Our bedroom, unless we're in it with him - locked Bathroom - locked, though we're been working on this one for a long time and hope to one day not have do this... However he just broke the toilet last night so progress hasn't been great, like actually broke the top of the toilet becasue he was targeting stuff around him while going potty, found something interesting and proceeded to slam the top tank lid - while I was in there trying to stop him and prevent him making too much of a mess around the seat area - which would have forced us to take a shower to get cleaned up properly :/ I've also had to fully unmount the take the toilet apart several times to dislodge stuff he's tried to flush. Coat closet - locked His own bedroom closet - locked, though this is getting better and he's shown great creativity in ways to get it unlocked :) We keep the random stuff in there as an in-house stuff space for things we need to sort or clean up later. Garage door - locked, we keep most of his activities and toys in the garage on several rolling racks, and reorg stuff every other week or so. He can always request to go in though and we bring stuff in all the time. This helps him with effective communication and work with easy boundaries. It might sound like a lot, but everything else is open concept, he has regular access to toys without requesting, a bunch of senory stuff, the couch, projector to watch shows - he's broken 5 TVs so far - the projector is great for us and solved several problems. He still has lots of freedom and several options for play every day - usually leading to him taking over most of the house, but for us, our work lives are in the home office, my wife and I have over stuffed the tiny space like a decoraded horder's den, and we use it to make a living. The garage has become a stuff space for everything that hasn't worked out in the house, and we have a shed out back for extended storage. Locked doors aren't the problem, it's how we work with them and keep the house feeling inviting for our kiddos that matter :), I keep most rooms off limit. General area are open: kitchen bc open concept, living room, his bedroom., We have a storage room and our utility room locked, and even if everyone in the house was neurotypical, I’d still lock them because no kid needs to be playing in there, I do not ban rooms BUT my son is not destructive, if he were than yes absolutely I would, Nothing has been off limits yet but we are about to move into a new house. We will have a small master bath and I told my husband that we should have that off limits to the kids just because we've never had a no child room before. It just feels more grown up to me., Yes, we have mechanical keypads for the doors to outside and fingerprint locks to my husbands office and the laundry room/ tool room. He’s got no business in those rooms. He can only wreak havoc there., Our bedroom is off limits because she bangs on the windows. The laundry room is off the limits for obviously reasons. The bathroom again for obvious reasons. And now the kitchen because she puts her feet in the sink and gets them wet so she can suck the water out of her clothing. That girl 😂 But otherwise, yeah, she has free rein., Absolutely, I have rooms that are mostly off limits to my little man. Mostly due to potential dangers to him or flooding the home. Our bathrooms have child safety locks which are these slider things at the top of the door. We keep prescriptions in the bathroom so we don't want him getting in there and getting to them. We do let him in there because playing in the shower is one of his favorite things ( and it goes a long way in cleaning him up ) we just don't want him going in there by himself, he has a habit of going in the shower fully clothed, aimlessly flushing things or just leaving the sink open full blast and flooding the place., Upstairs bathroom, because it's dangerous. My bedroom, because it's mine and he has no business being in there and his brothers room for privacy. Oh and the basement, because it's dangerous., So I tried this approach. Yeah we kept forgetting to lock the doors and each time it was bad. So we stopped. Got rid of or locked up whatever we were trying to keep safe or away until he was ready to be more responsible. This was hard for my husband . We were 14 years married already and he had quite a nice collection of man goods/hobbies/collectibles lol. He needs to be taught why and the reasoning behind why things need to be kept a certain way or not touched etc .. a lot of their bad/destructive behaviors are only because they don't understand the purpose or reason so they don't care it seems.  I disagree with her saying that it's banning him and traumatic.  But I do think it's more important to teach him to be a good household member and respect the entire home and people possessions. It's a life skill. You want him to be welcomed at every place and in every room just like everyone else.Locking everything away doesn't teach them to be safe or make better choices. Yes we lock everything up when they're small and don't understand. But we teach them to be safe and make good choices like any other child . Also that there consequences for bad choices. Yes it might take weeks months maybe years but hey that's Autism. But they learn to be more careful with proper teaching and consistency. Fwd a few years My husband is back to fish keeping,building models all his fragile expensive hobbies.  My son is lvl 3 nonverbal AUDHD  13 year old  utilizing AAC for reference. He was destructive till around 9 though. It was a long hard process but we're all better for it now. , Sounds like the therapist wasn't paying attention in class. I had a therapist tell me after stating we locked everything up that I'm just impeding his growth and independence. That I need to reach him to be safe,make good choices, consequences and respect other people's property.  Now that was gold. He was around 4 at the time. He was destructive and had no sense of danger. I thought she's nuts. But it got harder keeping things locked or protecting our stuff. So we got rid of it, a lot in storage sold alot. My husband wasn't happy. We're married 14 years at that time he had quite a man collection. Boat, motorcycles,car models,all sorts of collectibles fish tanks etc ..Went all in with ABA, ST, OT and eventually meds. Still had one locked room . I explained to him the room was filled with expensive things that he would break and would cost me more money to buy then he would just break it again and I have to buy it again and that we're just wasting our time and money. He got it. He wanted the Switch one day from the Room I asked if he was ready to be careful and not break anything he said yes. I took him in and h was so careful lol. Once I knew he understood I brought everything back out. But yeah we had laptops, games, big TVs all that stuff locked away. It sucked for awhile but small piece to pay to walk around freely now and not worry about him getting into everything or breaking it. With my son he needs to explained to him the reasoning behind why we don't do that, or touch this or eat that. He also needs to visually see the consequences. He's 13 now, we don't keep anything locked except the main house doors of course. I just mean that it's okay to lock them for right now. But teach them to be good household members, be careful and respectful just like you do any other kid. It's a necessary life skill. But yeah that therapist meant well I think. , Yup our LO is only 3 but basically he has 100% supervision at that age still. Our house is over 3,000sqft also. He has whole upper level, room, therapy room, playroom & bathroom. Has access to living room , dining, kitchen with supervision. We limit access to our personal offices as we WFH & its how we provide a life for him. Also we limit the lower level as thats where the teenagers live and have heavy gym equipment and utilities so to dangerous. I would say you are keeping them safe and protecting property nothing wrong with that. Also my NT teens are not allowed in our Master bedroom or offices., She doesn’t have kids, no. But sure has a lot of opinions about them and parenting!, She doesn’t have kids, just a lot of opinions ever since she became a family counselor., my laundry room and my husbands office are also kept locked for the same reason., I take advice from people without kids with a grain of salt. Similarly applies for parents with NT kids. Unless they are professionals in the field. But anyway back to your question. Setting up boundaries is the responsibility of the parent. Don't touch that, don't go there . With ND it's harder to establish these boundaries purely on words, especially with ones that elope. So yeah. Absolutely, looking up doors, gates , anything is perfectly ok. If you have kids of similar age , where you allow one kid to go somewhere but not other one then things can be bit challenging but far from traumatizing . Otherwise perfectly ok, Well, I hope you're waiting for a "do you want to eat your words" moment for later should she have kids, AND making a boundary now. You could ask your question in any parenting forum with *parents in it* and get the same answer. In the interim, if the family counselor is in need of education, tell her to google "creating a yes space" and to let you know if she has any questions, you'd be happy to help., You’re right that I shouldn’t have let it get to me. It’s really impossible for a non parent to know what being a parent is like, much less a parent to an autistic kiddo., Even with our kids that are not autistic, we have rooms that are off limits. This instills boundaries, privacy, and safety. I see no problem with the rooms you have mentioned being off limits. As your child grows and skills progress, maybe there can be more leniency with this. Does this family member have kids or even an autistic child? Trauma is a heavy word in this instance if you ask me., Yes, we 100% do. Does your family member have kids? We did this with our NT kid too. I remember reading that it's called "creating a yes space." Rather than running around after babies telling them NO all the time, you just create spaces where (most) everything is a yes and they can explore and you can relax. Other parents always love coming to our house because they know everything out that kids can reach and interact with is safe and we're not worried about it getting ruined/ broken. We STILL have child locks on the cabinets because of our PDA/ASD 3.5 year old. We also have locks on the pantry so our 5.5 year old doesn't eat 40 packs of fruit snacks in the night and develop Type 2 diabetes by the morning. This seems like a silly critique for your family member to lob your way unless they've been in your shoes., My bedroom is off limits to our 2 children. For my own sanity, I simply need a space that I don’t have to clean every day, where I can set something down and know it will be there UNDAMAGED when I return for it, where I can find my inner peace for a few minutes so I can be a more patient parent. Now I guess my kids are in there occasionally- but only with myself or my husband under strict supervision. Our house is small, but if we did have another room and could have an office/guest room, I’d make that off limits, too! So I guess maybe we’re both awful parents? 😅, that's ridiculous. you have good reason for keeping rooms locked. there is zero reason to think this would be traumatic, and she shouldn't be making claims like that without evidence. The burden of proof is on her in this instance and you can safely ignore her/ tell her to f off and mind her business., We have some cabinets childproofed and keep a childproof knob cover on the laundry room door (that room is also where we have all our cleaning supplies). Safety first! Your therapist is being weird; I’m pretty sure spilling bleach on himself or hurting himself with scissors would be more traumatic than coming across a door that has been locked for a very sensible reason., Yep, none of our kids are allowed into my office without me. I keep my work computer and sewing/quilting supplies in there. My kids, both autistic and neurotypical, don’t need unfettered access to dangerous things like my sewing machine or rotary cutter. My two littles are never allowed in at all. My 6yo is permitted on special occasions to work on his sewing projects., We keep our bedroom door locked during the day because our bedroom has turned into the official dumping ground for things that our son can't have access to. Pantry and laundry room get locked at night to avoid massive messes. We have 2 other children as well, and we don't allow them in each other's rooms. This is for safety and fairness since this is everyone's home, but our son can dominate a household easily so everyone has a place they can go that is just theirs to get away. Everyone can play in communal spaces, no problem, and that ties into the rule about personal possessions (if you don't want others to play with it, it stays in your room) once a toy enters communal space it's fair game., Who doesn't, with kids? Pantry, water heater closet, attic, SO's office are all off limits for ours., We keep certain cabinets and draws locked, don’t have a big enough house to have rooms to locked. Mostly for safety reasons (chemicals, batteries, etc.). But will let her explore if we happen to have them open and she’s around. Not knowing made her want to look more. Seeing what was in there while supervised seems to have caused her not to care anymore., I have the feeling that’s a “neurodiverse affirming “ therapist or something of that nature . They’re all about trauma and acceptance, if your child elope from the house she’d probably scold you for securing the house to cause false imprisonment or some other ridiculous accusation. I’d just change the therapist, she’s not a good fit for your family needs, Uh, they’re loopy. They aren’t your therapist, and they might not be familiar with neuro diversity, and how you really need different strategies and approaches. I would try to disengage from the subject with them and move on. Don’t let the haters get you down, I have a family member who was is an attorney and sometimes does work from home the room that they do work from home is completely off-limits to everybody. The reason being lawyer client privilege. Not even their spouse goes in that room they clean the room up, they empty the trash. They do everything literally nobody goes in this room. I believe that there can be a multitude of reasons why you can have rooms why you don’t let a child or anybody in a room. I, I think being banned from your parents office and the guest room are standard childhood rules. I think it would actually be more unusual if your child was allowed in those rooms. The laundry room is a safety issue and yes many young children are also not allowed in the laundry room., Yes of course. Fuck the therapist for judging., If I could I would 100%. My house is not set up like that. My girl is not just destructive, she is curious and has no sense of danger. Your job is to keep your kid safe. If it makes you feel better we lock our kid in her room a night. We weren't doing it for a long time but she started coming into our room and jumping on the bed and being rambunctious at 3 am. Not cuddling and going to sleep. As I see it, I am not a good mom when I am very sleep deprived. I lose patience, snap and yell. As much as I try not to, meditate and practice yoga, I fail. Fatigue is my kryptonite. This way I get a reasonable amount of rest so that I can parent her with enough emotional bandwidth and that is my priority. She is smart enough that if she needs me she will lay on the floor and kick the door until I come. I am a light sleeper. Probably makes me devil mom of the year to some trolls, but I know my limits and know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Do what you need to keep your kid safe and yourself sane., I lock the kitchen and bathroom when I want to be able to sit down for 10 minutes without them making a mess., Nah this “therapist” relative is full of it. Does she have kids? Does she want to come to your house for hours on end and physically stand there to defend that space? And this is a terrible application of the word “trauma,” considering no harm is being done for this reasonable boundary., We’re in a townhouse - so rooms, no. Closets where we keep everything he’d break - yes, F that, we have several therapist for our son and no one - no one - has questioned the need for locked doors. Home Office - locked Our bedroom, unless we're in it with him - locked Bathroom - locked, though we're been working on this one for a long time and hope to one day not have do this... However he just broke the toilet last night so progress hasn't been great, like actually broke the top of the toilet becasue he was targeting stuff around him while going potty, found something interesting and proceeded to slam the top tank lid - while I was in there trying to stop him and prevent him making too much of a mess around the seat area - which would have forced us to take a shower to get cleaned up properly :/ I've also had to fully unmount the take the toilet apart several times to dislodge stuff he's tried to flush. Coat closet - locked His own bedroom closet - locked, though this is getting better and he's shown great creativity in ways to get it unlocked :) We keep the random stuff in there as an in-house stuff space for things we need to sort or clean up later. Garage door - locked, we keep most of his activities and toys in the garage on several rolling racks, and reorg stuff every other week or so. He can always request to go in though and we bring stuff in all the time. This helps him with effective communication and work with easy boundaries. It might sound like a lot, but everything else is open concept, he has regular access to toys without requesting, a bunch of senory stuff, the couch, projector to watch shows - he's broken 5 TVs so far - the projector is great for us and solved several problems. He still has lots of freedom and several options for play every day - usually leading to him taking over most of the house, but for us, our work lives are in the home office, my wife and I have over stuffed the tiny space like a decoraded horder's den, and we use it to make a living. The garage has become a stuff space for everything that hasn't worked out in the house, and we have a shed out back for extended storage. Locked doors aren't the problem, it's how we work with them and keep the house feeling inviting for our kiddos that matter :), I keep most rooms off limit. General area are open: kitchen bc open concept, living room, his bedroom., We have a storage room and our utility room locked, and even if everyone in the house was neurotypical, I’d still lock them because no kid needs to be playing in there, I do not ban rooms BUT my son is not destructive, if he were than yes absolutely I would, Nothing has been off limits yet but we are about to move into a new house. We will have a small master bath and I told my husband that we should have that off limits to the kids just because we've never had a no child room before. It just feels more grown up to me., Yes, we have mechanical keypads for the doors to outside and fingerprint locks to my husbands office and the laundry room/ tool room. He’s got no business in those rooms. He can only wreak havoc there., Our bedroom is off limits because she bangs on the windows. The laundry room is off the limits for obviously reasons. The bathroom again for obvious reasons. And now the kitchen because she puts her feet in the sink and gets them wet so she can suck the water out of her clothing. That girl 😂 But otherwise, yeah, she has free rein., Absolutely, I have rooms that are mostly off limits to my little man. Mostly due to potential dangers to him or flooding the home. Our bathrooms have child safety locks which are these slider things at the top of the door. We keep prescriptions in the bathroom so we don't want him getting in there and getting to them. We do let him in there because playing in the shower is one of his favorite things ( and it goes a long way in cleaning him up ) we just don't want him going in there by himself, he has a habit of going in the shower fully clothed, aimlessly flushing things or just leaving the sink open full blast and flooding the place., Upstairs bathroom, because it's dangerous. My bedroom, because it's mine and he has no business being in there and his brothers room for privacy. Oh and the basement, because it's dangerous., So I tried this approach. Yeah we kept forgetting to lock the doors and each time it was bad. So we stopped. Got rid of or locked up whatever we were trying to keep safe or away until he was ready to be more responsible. This was hard for my husband . We were 14 years married already and he had quite a nice collection of man goods/hobbies/collectibles lol. He needs to be taught why and the reasoning behind why things need to be kept a certain way or not touched etc .. a lot of their bad/destructive behaviors are only because they don't understand the purpose or reason so they don't care it seems.  I disagree with her saying that it's banning him and traumatic.  But I do think it's more important to teach him to be a good household member and respect the entire home and people possessions. It's a life skill. You want him to be welcomed at every place and in every room just like everyone else.Locking everything away doesn't teach them to be safe or make better choices. Yes we lock everything up when they're small and don't understand. But we teach them to be safe and make good choices like any other child . Also that there consequences for bad choices. Yes it might take weeks months maybe years but hey that's Autism. But they learn to be more careful with proper teaching and consistency. Fwd a few years My husband is back to fish keeping,building models all his fragile expensive hobbies.  My son is lvl 3 nonverbal AUDHD  13 year old  utilizing AAC for reference. He was destructive till around 9 though. It was a long hard process but we're all better for it now. , Sounds like the therapist wasn't paying attention in class. I had a therapist tell me after stating we locked everything up that I'm just impeding his growth and independence. That I need to reach him to be safe,make good choices, consequences and respect other people's property.  Now that was gold. He was around 4 at the time. He was destructive and had no sense of danger. I thought she's nuts. But it got harder keeping things locked or protecting our stuff. So we got rid of it, a lot in storage sold alot. My husband wasn't happy. We're married 14 years at that time he had quite a man collection. Boat, motorcycles,car models,all sorts of collectibles fish tanks etc ..Went all in with ABA, ST, OT and eventually meds. Still had one locked room . I explained to him the room was filled with expensive things that he would break and would cost me more money to buy then he would just break it again and I have to buy it again and that we're just wasting our time and money. He got it. He wanted the Switch one day from the Room I asked if he was ready to be careful and not break anything he said yes. I took him in and h was so careful lol. Once I knew he understood I brought everything back out. But yeah we had laptops, games, big TVs all that stuff locked away. It sucked for awhile but small piece to pay to walk around freely now and not worry about him getting into everything or breaking it. With my son he needs to explained to him the reasoning behind why we don't do that, or touch this or eat that. He also needs to visually see the consequences. He's 13 now, we don't keep anything locked except the main house doors of course. I just mean that it's okay to lock them for right now. But teach them to be good household members, be careful and respectful just like you do any other kid. It's a necessary life skill. But yeah that therapist meant well I think. , Yup our LO is only 3 but basically he has 100% supervision at that age still. Our house is over 3,000sqft also. He has whole upper level, room, therapy room, playroom & bathroom. Has access to living room , dining, kitchen with supervision. We limit access to our personal offices as we WFH & its how we provide a life for him. Also we limit the lower level as thats where the teenagers live and have heavy gym equipment and utilities so to dangerous. I would say you are keeping them safe and protecting property nothing wrong with that. Also my NT teens are not allowed in our Master bedroom or offices., She doesn’t have kids, no. But sure has a lot of opinions about them and parenting!, She doesn’t have kids, just a lot of opinions ever since she became a family counselor., my laundry room and my husbands office are also kept locked for the same reason., I take advice from people without kids with a grain of salt. Similarly applies for parents with NT kids. Unless they are professionals in the field. But anyway back to your question. Setting up boundaries is the responsibility of the parent. Don't touch that, don't go there . With ND it's harder to establish these boundaries purely on words, especially with ones that elope. So yeah. Absolutely, looking up doors, gates , anything is perfectly ok. If you have kids of similar age , where you allow one kid to go somewhere but not other one then things can be bit challenging but far from traumatizing . Otherwise perfectly ok, Well, I hope you're waiting for a "do you want to eat your words" moment for later should she have kids, AND making a boundary now. You could ask your question in any parenting forum with *parents in it* and get the same answer. In the interim, if the family counselor is in need of education, tell her to google "creating a yes space" and to let you know if she has any questions, you'd be happy to help., You’re right that I shouldn’t have let it get to me. It’s really impossible for a non parent to know what being a parent is like, much less a parent to an autistic kiddo., Even with our kids that are not autistic, we have rooms that are off limits. This instills boundaries, privacy, and safety. I see no problem with the rooms you have mentioned being off limits. As your child grows and skills progress, maybe there can be more leniency with this. Does this family member have kids or even an autistic child? Trauma is a heavy word in this instance if you ask me., Yes, we 100% do. Does your family member have kids? We did this with our NT kid too. I remember reading that it's called "creating a yes space." Rather than running around after babies telling them NO all the time, you just create spaces where (most) everything is a yes and they can explore and you can relax. Other parents always love coming to our house because they know everything out that kids can reach and interact with is safe and we're not worried about it getting ruined/ broken. We STILL have child locks on the cabinets because of our PDA/ASD 3.5 year old. We also have locks on the pantry so our 5.5 year old doesn't eat 40 packs of fruit snacks in the night and develop Type 2 diabetes by the morning. This seems like a silly critique for your family member to lob your way unless they've been in your shoes., My bedroom is off limits to our 2 children. For my own sanity, I simply need a space that I don’t have to clean every day, where I can set something down and know it will be there UNDAMAGED when I return for it, where I can find my inner peace for a few minutes so I can be a more patient parent. Now I guess my kids are in there occasionally- but only with myself or my husband under strict supervision. Our house is small, but if we did have another room and could have an office/guest room, I’d make that off limits, too! So I guess maybe we’re both awful parents? 😅, that's ridiculous. you have good reason for keeping rooms locked. there is zero reason to think this would be traumatic, and she shouldn't be making claims like that without evidence. The burden of proof is on her in this instance and you can safely ignore her/ tell her to f off and mind her business., We have some cabinets childproofed and keep a childproof knob cover on the laundry room door (that room is also where we have all our cleaning supplies). Safety first! Your therapist is being weird; I’m pretty sure spilling bleach on himself or hurting himself with scissors would be more traumatic than coming across a door that has been locked for a very sensible reason., Yep, none of our kids are allowed into my office without me. I keep my work computer and sewing/quilting supplies in there. My kids, both autistic and neurotypical, don’t need unfettered access to dangerous things like my sewing machine or rotary cutter. My two littles are never allowed in at all. My 6yo is permitted on special occasions to work on his sewing projects., We keep our bedroom door locked during the day because our bedroom has turned into the official dumping ground for things that our son can't have access to. Pantry and laundry room get locked at night to avoid massive messes. We have 2 other children as well, and we don't allow them in each other's rooms. This is for safety and fairness since this is everyone's home, but our son can dominate a household easily so everyone has a place they can go that is just theirs to get away. Everyone can play in communal spaces, no problem, and that ties into the rule about personal possessions (if you don't want others to play with it, it stays in your room) once a toy enters communal space it's fair game., Who doesn't, with kids? Pantry, water heater closet, attic, SO's office are all off limits for ours., We keep certain cabinets and draws locked, don’t have a big enough house to have rooms to locked. Mostly for safety reasons (chemicals, batteries, etc.). But will let her explore if we happen to have them open and she’s around. Not knowing made her want to look more. Seeing what was in there while supervised seems to have caused her not to care anymore., I have the feeling that’s a “neurodiverse affirming “ therapist or something of that nature . They’re all about trauma and acceptance, if your child elope from the house she’d probably scold you for securing the house to cause false imprisonment or some other ridiculous accusation. I’d just change the therapist, she’s not a good fit for your family needs, Uh, they’re loopy. They aren’t your therapist, and they might not be familiar with neuro diversity, and how you really need different strategies and approaches. I would try to disengage from the subject with them and move on. Don’t let the haters get you down, I have a family member who was is an attorney and sometimes does work from home the room that they do work from home is completely off-limits to everybody. The reason being lawyer client privilege. Not even their spouse goes in that room they clean the room up, they empty the trash. They do everything literally nobody goes in this room. I believe that there can be a multitude of reasons why you can have rooms why you don’t let a child or anybody in a room. I, I think being banned from your parents office and the guest room are standard childhood rules. I think it would actually be more unusual if your child was allowed in those rooms. The laundry room is a safety issue and yes many young children are also not allowed in the laundry room., Yes of course. Fuck the therapist for judging., If I could I would 100%. My house is not set up like that. My girl is not just destructive, she is curious and has no sense of danger. Your job is to keep your kid safe. If it makes you feel better we lock our kid in her room a night. We weren't doing it for a long time but she started coming into our room and jumping on the bed and being rambunctious at 3 am. Not cuddling and going to sleep. As I see it, I am not a good mom when I am very sleep deprived. I lose patience, snap and yell. As much as I try not to, meditate and practice yoga, I fail. Fatigue is my kryptonite. This way I get a reasonable amount of rest so that I can parent her with enough emotional bandwidth and that is my priority. She is smart enough that if she needs me she will lay on the floor and kick the door until I come. I am a light sleeper. Probably makes me devil mom of the year to some trolls, but I know my limits and know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Do what you need to keep your kid safe and yourself sane., I lock the kitchen and bathroom when I want to be able to sit down for 10 minutes without them making a mess., Nah this “therapist” relative is full of it. Does she have kids? Does she want to come to your house for hours on end and physically stand there to defend that space? And this is a terrible application of the word “trauma,” considering no harm is being done for this reasonable boundary., We’re in a townhouse - so rooms, no. Closets where we keep everything he’d break - yes, F that, we have several therapist for our son and no one - no one - has questioned the need for locked doors. Home Office - locked Our bedroom, unless we're in it with him - locked Bathroom - locked, though we're been working on this one for a long time and hope to one day not have do this... However he just broke the toilet last night so progress hasn't been great, like actually broke the top of the toilet becasue he was targeting stuff around him while going potty, found something interesting and proceeded to slam the top tank lid - while I was in there trying to stop him and prevent him making too much of a mess around the seat area - which would have forced us to take a shower to get cleaned up properly :/ I've also had to fully unmount the take the toilet apart several times to dislodge stuff he's tried to flush. Coat closet - locked His own bedroom closet - locked, though this is getting better and he's shown great creativity in ways to get it unlocked :) We keep the random stuff in there as an in-house stuff space for things we need to sort or clean up later. Garage door - locked, we keep most of his activities and toys in the garage on several rolling racks, and reorg stuff every other week or so. He can always request to go in though and we bring stuff in all the time. This helps him with effective communication and work with easy boundaries. It might sound like a lot, but everything else is open concept, he has regular access to toys without requesting, a bunch of senory stuff, the couch, projector to watch shows - he's broken 5 TVs so far - the projector is great for us and solved several problems. He still has lots of freedom and several options for play every day - usually leading to him taking over most of the house, but for us, our work lives are in the home office, my wife and I have over stuffed the tiny space like a decoraded horder's den, and we use it to make a living. The garage has become a stuff space for everything that hasn't worked out in the house, and we have a shed out back for extended storage. Locked doors aren't the problem, it's how we work with them and keep the house feeling inviting for our kiddos that matter :), I keep most rooms off limit. General area are open: kitchen bc open concept, living room, his bedroom., We have a storage room and our utility room locked, and even if everyone in the house was neurotypical, I’d still lock them because no kid needs to be playing in there, I do not ban rooms BUT my son is not destructive, if he were than yes absolutely I would, Nothing has been off limits yet but we are about to move into a new house. We will have a small master bath and I told my husband that we should have that off limits to the kids just because we've never had a no child room before. It just feels more grown up to me., Yes, we have mechanical keypads for the doors to outside and fingerprint locks to my husbands office and the laundry room/ tool room. He’s got no business in those rooms. He can only wreak havoc there., Our bedroom is off limits because she bangs on the windows. The laundry room is off the limits for obviously reasons. The bathroom again for obvious reasons. And now the kitchen because she puts her feet in the sink and gets them wet so she can suck the water out of her clothing. That girl 😂 But otherwise, yeah, she has free rein., Absolutely, I have rooms that are mostly off limits to my little man. Mostly due to potential dangers to him or flooding the home. Our bathrooms have child safety locks which are these slider things at the top of the door. We keep prescriptions in the bathroom so we don't want him getting in there and getting to them. We do let him in there because playing in the shower is one of his favorite things ( and it goes a long way in cleaning him up ) we just don't want him going in there by himself, he has a habit of going in the shower fully clothed, aimlessly flushing things or just leaving the sink open full blast and flooding the place., Upstairs bathroom, because it's dangerous. My bedroom, because it's mine and he has no business being in there and his brothers room for privacy. Oh and the basement, because it's dangerous., So I tried this approach. Yeah we kept forgetting to lock the doors and each time it was bad. So we stopped. Got rid of or locked up whatever we were trying to keep safe or away until he was ready to be more responsible. This was hard for my husband . We were 14 years married already and he had quite a nice collection of man goods/hobbies/collectibles lol. He needs to be taught why and the reasoning behind why things need to be kept a certain way or not touched etc .. a lot of their bad/destructive behaviors are only because they don't understand the purpose or reason so they don't care it seems.  I disagree with her saying that it's banning him and traumatic.  But I do think it's more important to teach him to be a good household member and respect the entire home and people possessions. It's a life skill. You want him to be welcomed at every place and in every room just like everyone else.Locking everything away doesn't teach them to be safe or make better choices. Yes we lock everything up when they're small and don't understand. But we teach them to be safe and make good choices like any other child . Also that there consequences for bad choices. Yes it might take weeks months maybe years but hey that's Autism. But they learn to be more careful with proper teaching and consistency. Fwd a few years My husband is back to fish keeping,building models all his fragile expensive hobbies.  My son is lvl 3 nonverbal AUDHD  13 year old  utilizing AAC for reference. He was destructive till around 9 though. It was a long hard process but we're all better for it now. , Sounds like the therapist wasn't paying attention in class. I had a therapist tell me after stating we locked everything up that I'm just impeding his growth and independence. That I need to reach him to be safe,make good choices, consequences and respect other people's property.  Now that was gold. He was around 4 at the time. He was destructive and had no sense of danger. I thought she's nuts. But it got harder keeping things locked or protecting our stuff. So we got rid of it, a lot in storage sold alot. My husband wasn't happy. We're married 14 years at that time he had quite a man collection. Boat, motorcycles,car models,all sorts of collectibles fish tanks etc ..Went all in with ABA, ST, OT and eventually meds. Still had one locked room . I explained to him the room was filled with expensive things that he would break and would cost me more money to buy then he would just break it again and I have to buy it again and that we're just wasting our time and money. He got it. He wanted the Switch one day from the Room I asked if he was ready to be careful and not break anything he said yes. I took him in and h was so careful lol. Once I knew he understood I brought everything back out. But yeah we had laptops, games, big TVs all that stuff locked away. It sucked for awhile but small piece to pay to walk around freely now and not worry about him getting into everything or breaking it. With my son he needs to explained to him the reasoning behind why we don't do that, or touch this or eat that. He also needs to visually see the consequences. He's 13 now, we don't keep anything locked except the main house doors of course. I just mean that it's okay to lock them for right now. But teach them to be good household members, be careful and respectful just like you do any other kid. It's a necessary life skill. But yeah that therapist meant well I think. , Yup our LO is only 3 but basically he has 100% supervision at that age still. Our house is over 3,000sqft also. He has whole upper level, room, therapy room, playroom & bathroom. Has access to living room , dining, kitchen with supervision. We limit access to our personal offices as we WFH & its how we provide a life for him. Also we limit the lower level as thats where the teenagers live and have heavy gym equipment and utilities so to dangerous. I would say you are keeping them safe and protecting property nothing wrong with that. Also my NT teens are not allowed in our Master bedroom or offices., She doesn’t have kids, no. But sure has a lot of opinions about them and parenting!, She doesn’t have kids, just a lot of opinions ever since she became a family counselor., my laundry room and my husbands office are also kept locked for the same reason., I take advice from people without kids with a grain of salt. Similarly applies for parents with NT kids. Unless they are professionals in the field. But anyway back to your question. Setting up boundaries is the responsibility of the parent. Don't touch that, don't go there . With ND it's harder to establish these boundaries purely on words, especially with ones that elope. So yeah. Absolutely, looking up doors, gates , anything is perfectly ok. If you have kids of similar age , where you allow one kid to go somewhere but not other one then things can be bit challenging but far from traumatizing . Otherwise perfectly ok, Well, I hope you're waiting for a "do you want to eat your words" moment for later should she have kids, AND making a boundary now. You could ask your question in any parenting forum with *parents in it* and get the same answer. In the interim, if the family counselor is in need of education, tell her to google "creating a yes space" and to let you know if she has any questions, you'd be happy to help., You’re right that I shouldn’t have let it get to me. It’s really impossible for a non parent to know what being a parent is like, much less a parent to an autistic kiddo.

Do you ever get those? What did I do to deserve this moments?

I spent my whole life trying to help as many people as I can, and do as many good deeds, so why does it feel like a punishment for something I haven't done for my child to be autistic? It's a nice day today, the Sun is out for the first time all year and weather is perfect and all I wanted to do was go for a walk with my son and get some fresh air for both of us. But instead for 40 minutes, all he did was scream falling on the floor every few seconds and trying to pick up poop from other animals and rocks and throw them and touch everything picking up bacteria from running his hands on walls and dirt and picking up grass and rusted metal even though it could slice his hand along the way... try to run into traffic and when I try and stop him , even though it could slice his hand, he could get ran over or fall in a ditch and try to explain that it's not ok he just walks while screaming and crying even more because I told him it's not ok... the last three years I've been hoping things would get better some people say some things he grows out of, but most of it's only gotten worse... we are moving to Alaska soon in my dreams of fishing and camping and doing anything outside of the house that seemed like a dream at first father, and son, thinking about it now feels like a nightmare. Literally every 3 to 5 seconds I had to redirect him and say come on. Let's keep walking straight to get home And every 3 to 5 seconds once I turned him around, he would just scream in the echoes could be heard all over the city.. How do a lot of you deal with that feeling of not being able to enjoy things autistic parents get to enjoy with their children... And is hard because I'm the only one that tries to even get him out the house so if I give up, he'll just be a kid that sits in the house all day with a tablet.. and besides the point, I know, it's totally my fault, but I had a vasectomy done after he was born thinking of this was it and I was good on kids. But now I wish I didn't and maybe having another one he would be normal..... and we could do everything I can't and wish I could do now ...

Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy.., Can't really give you an emotional support since I myself is still going through the 6 stages of acceptance after my son was diagnosed last month. But listing some things that, hopefully, will help. Any chance you searched for 발달재활 서비스 from Korean goverment? Not as good as support from US, but it's something. (https://www.socialservice.or.kr:444/user/htmlEditor/view2.do?p_sn=11). When you goto Alaska, make sure to contact Regional Center. They will kick start three things for you: 1. They forward you to school district to start IEP, which should provide support at school (special needs classes, in class speech therapy, etc...). This is funded by school district, and separate from Regional Center's IPP. 2. They will start IPP. You may have to fight them for more services, but it funds for Respite Care, IHSS, Social Recreation, etc... 3. If applicable, they may help you to get Medicaid for funding therapies for your son. Not really sure how your immigration status and income status will impact the eligibility though. You may be able to request a waiver. Hope this helps, I definitely do. Word of advice enroll your child in speech therapy and OT as soon as you get to the US. Get them in school with an IeP. All of this will probably help, and you may find yourself fishing with your son one day. Another note, I was curious and went through your previous posts. I know nothing of your relationship, but as a mom with an autistic child who gets depressed your dead bedroom is probably because of that. A lot of marriages end in divorce when there is a child born with special needs. I hope it gets better for you and your wife. Your wife probably is actually tired all the time. As a SAHP I know I am., I get those “what did i do to deserve this” moments all the time. I know it’s not healthy to think that way but it’s almost impossible not to, especially being around other nuerotypical children his age. I especially struggle because my 3 year old has such a temper, anything sets him off if things don’t go his way and he definitely shows it. He’s amazing when it’s just me and him at home and he’s in a good mood, but when we’re around family or strangers he’s somebody else. 😔 I also try taking him to do nice things that most children would enjoy but it always turns into something i regret trying to do., I’ve been there!!!!! I used to try to do family outings( I have 4 kids, 3 autistic) and would be on the verge of tears sometimes and just be defeated because I’d have one kid trying to elope, one beating me up and one screaming continuously while my oldest would just stand there not knowing wth to do lol. I stopped going out for months. I didn’t want to deprive them though. I started focusing on things to do at home. I built a fun backyard, playground, pool, tons of outdoor stuff. Basement I got a trampoline, swing, tons of sensory things. Behaviors got better. I missed going out and still wanted them to experience the outside world. After awhile I bought a 4 seater wagon and was able to get around easier. Outings are more manageable now. I’m stopping making noises one might be or point out things I know they’d enjoy or notice. I’ve had to really change my perspective on things and once I embraced their differences my outlook on things changed and life got better. My almost 6 year old who used to run, attack, had to be in a stroller at all times, used to yell/scream/throw things/ run in traffic has had such a turn around in the last year! ABA has really helped with 2 of my kiddos. Speech and OT has really helped as well! Redirecting, as frustrating as it can be because it seems like your doing it a hundred times a day l, really does help after awhile! Being an autism parent is ALOT of work and can be overwhelming at times! It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t!, Have you tried any types of therapy? What types of supports do you have?, How old is he? My son (3) does the same thing, so we had to revert back to using a stroller. He toe walks 90% of the time, so his leg muscles are always contracted. I have no idea what we're going to do when he's too big for the stroller. Right now, we use it to walk him to the park, then we let him play for a bit. He'll try to eat everything in sight. We don't stay long there., Thank you that's wonderful information. I will try and get him enrolled as soon as we land!!, Yea being at home all the time with him probably causes some of that for sure, im hoping once he goes to school all day not just three hours for pscd she will have more energy 🥲, Wow 3!? You're very tough!! Just my one has been giving me such a hard time, Not yet there was not much therapy available here we are in Korea so hopefully in Alaska, I think only speech therapy but like 20 minutes a day or something, He is soon turning 6, I used to do stroller only, but I like him to walk to get a slight workout out of it since all week I'm at work he is sitting around the house not doing much and also to be healthy 😅, yea he only eats crackers and bread and pasta really, I've been fighting to get him to eat meat but he won't, Yup, good luck!, Same. My boy eats about 5 things and I'm always so afriad that he'll just randomly stop accepting them. We have to constantly try new things on our menu, but he rejects about 95% of what we offer him, unless it's chips or cookies. The weird thing is, he'll eat some types of restaurant food, but when I make it at home, he won't eat it. He hates my cooking. 😭 When you get to Alaska, put him in OT therapy. They'll make him do some fun targeted exercises. My son loves the cloth swing. I really want one for our home, but no where to hang it. We're also considering getting him an outdoor jungle gym, but we are right by the road, no fence, and it's just not safe for him., Most autistic children are developmentally delayed so he may be 6 in human years, but his functioning level is more on par with a 2-3 year old. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my youngest daughter behaving at a similar level. Even though she had been potty trained, she would sometimes regress and pee on the floor. She would do other things that felt more like preschooler/toddler behavior at a much older age and I really had to work to keep her safe (she was a runner). Getting her into a behavioral health program really helped. She was able to learn great skills in a structured environment and bring those home to practice. They also gave us parenting support to help her practice goals at home. Now she is nearly in middle school and she just got back from several days at a science camp with overnight stays and we didn’t go with her. She did well, followed the rules and only had a few small challenges that were easily attended to by the teachers. There is growth even through the stress and heavy lift at the stage you are on. I am autistic too and have some trauma around the experiences I had with my kids going through screaming phases or eloping randomly. Someone once almost stole my daughter from the park and it still makes my heart race to think what could have happened if I hadn’t grabbed her back in time. You are “in it” right now, and I can see you are overwhelmed. You need to let yourself accept the chaos is not something that you caused or did to yourself. The pain you feel also does not warrant taking it out on your child. It is so important for you to lean on anyone who can help you out. No one should have to shoulder the stress alone., OT therapy? What's that? I've never heard about it, Occupational therapy..

Do you homeschool?

I'm curious about parents who chose to homeschool their ND kiddos. I have a 4 year old who does really well with me at home, but just totally shuts down when hes with multiple peers. I don't really see him succeeding in a class of 20+ kids, he'll be totally overwhelmed. We're giving Special Ed a chance for TK through our public school with a small class size (8 kids), but I know long term their special ed classrooms won't challenge him enough academically (I've worked in them and know them well). He's a bright kid, but I worry the social aspect of school will really hinder his learning (though social learning in school is of course super important too! I just don't want that piece to limit him too much academically). Wondering if there are other families who have found a good education option for kids like my son?

No. I’m a teacher (well, I was before I became a stay at home parent), and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but just because you’re a good parent doesn’t mean you’re a good teacher. Teaching is a speciality. That’s why it takes us 4 years and an eventual Master’s degree to do it. I just honestly see no benefit to it. Plus, my son is very extroverted and enjoys being in a class of his friends every day. I cannot possibly simulate that level of socialization if I homeschooled. I also think it’s important for kids to have lives apart from their parents., We homeschool both our boys who are autistic and have ADHD. They are in middle school and this has been the best decision for our family. They still go to therapy outside the home and also participate in other activities like music lessons. It's not easy but it works for us because it gives us the chance to work with them individually when they are at their best., I did. This was our first year in school. My ASD son is in 5th. It’s was very challenging to teach him. But I feel like he was given space to comfortably be himself and learn at his own pace. He had absolutely no feelings like he was weird or didn’t fit in and confidently loves himself now. We gave as many social opportunities as possible. But we didn’t know he was autistic. He really could have used some special education services to help him with social skills at a younger age. In PA you are now able to do part day enrollment. I would have considered that for him if it has been an option. Or definitely pursued private therapy to help., I haven’t found the right place for my son. He was mistreated several times at school. We were yelled at and called bad parents. We pulled him out two months ago and he is feeling so much better. He’s a very clever kid too. He was very bored at school. I am still trying to find another school because he loves being with other kids, although it can be overwhelming, We live in a country where children usually start school around 7yo. Up until 5yo I was pretty much the only person my son could regularly and effectively study with and learn from. At 5yo he could attend small separate classes including quite advanced ones but not kindergarten. At 6 he became ready for private kindergarten (10 kids in the class) plus some extra classes, at 7 went to a private school (around 15 kids im the class) - they don't even know about his ASD, consider it perfectionism plus anxiety, and he's on top of his class academically. So at 4yo I would not even think twice about homeschooling - as long as the child is not locked in the house and attends necessary therapies, some 1 on 1 tutoring (not with the parent) and ideally some group activities, I believe it's fine and does not mean he won't be able to attend regular school in a year or two., I've always wanted to home school. I do worry though because my daughter can be VERY inattentive but we're gonna try it out starting August. She'll be almost 3.5 were just going to do some informal lessons and see. If you live close to a bigger city I would search Facebook for home school groups. We have a few around here but nothing for ND I've seen so far., Not currently, but it is definitely a goal., We are trying to decide. I’m a teacher and never expected to homeschool. But my kiddo just shut down in preschool and I saw that he wasn’t learning. I think he was in freeze response because of anxiety. Now at home, he’s five, with OT/SLP and a couple of activities, he has started showing interest in letters, counting, writing his name spontaneously. We plan for him to go to our local public school, which emphasizes inclusion but has an ASD center, sensory room and teaches trained to support children through meltdowns, etc. he has loved therapy so my hope is that he will love school when the adults are informed about how he learns. But I go back and forth. We are currently working on setting up our lives so that we could homeschool if needed. Im also looking into online schooling and a Sudbury school, which he could attend part time. I wish he could attend public school part time!, We do! My kiddo is very smart, but he would have been a behavior problem at school. He has no interest in peers and he would be a target for bullying too. Kids have to be emotionally regulated in order to learn, and that wouldn’t have happened at school. So, we would have sent him to school to frustrate his teachers, be the “bad kid,” get bullied, and fall behind academically. Instead we have kept him home. We explicitly teach social skills and emotional regulation. He is doing really well academically and loves learning. He has a best friend. He’s never been bullied. He goes to co-op, electives at a public school, Lego club, and church and Sunday school weekly. He has no interest in the other students, but loves his teachers and they love having him in class. It is enough for him right now. We’re giving him one more year to develop and then we’ll ask him to try a hybrid program where he does 2 days at school and the rest at home. Kids with autism are delayed and sometimes it makes sense to give them some time to develop in an environment that doesn’t overwhelm them. I mean, our doctor always says that our kids are 3-5 years behind their peers. I wouldn’t send my kid to school as a baby or toddler. I just don’t think it’s true that kids have to get used to something at 5 in order to be able to do it when they are older., My daughter is 4.5 and we homeschool, which was our plan from the start since our oldest (16) is also homeschooled. Shes mostly non-verbal so it looks differently than I thought it would but that’s okay. We are very loose with it right now and do lots of books, learning games, some hands on things from Harbor & Sprout, crafts, etc and will move toward more “formal” things around 6., No, my kids go to their local public school. My daughter needs more than I can give her. She is also much more likely to be defiant for me than her teachers., Nope. The few months we had to homeschool during covid shutdowns were some of the worst times I've ever had. Constant crying and fighting and I just don't have the patience for it., This is a totally fair and valid point! I'm an OT so I do have a lot of Education and experience in teaching in a therapeutic context, but I'd have a lot of learning to do myself and likely need support of tutors. Ideally I'd love a school with mainstream academics but a class size of like 10 max., Thank you, this is a very nice perspective. I'm in the US where kids are pushed to start school very early (in my opinion), so it's good to remember he's still young, No. I’m a teacher (well, I was before I became a stay at home parent), and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but just because you’re a good parent doesn’t mean you’re a good teacher. Teaching is a speciality. That’s why it takes us 4 years and an eventual Master’s degree to do it. I just honestly see no benefit to it. Plus, my son is very extroverted and enjoys being in a class of his friends every day. I cannot possibly simulate that level of socialization if I homeschooled. I also think it’s important for kids to have lives apart from their parents., We homeschool both our boys who are autistic and have ADHD. They are in middle school and this has been the best decision for our family. They still go to therapy outside the home and also participate in other activities like music lessons. It's not easy but it works for us because it gives us the chance to work with them individually when they are at their best., I did. This was our first year in school. My ASD son is in 5th. It’s was very challenging to teach him. But I feel like he was given space to comfortably be himself and learn at his own pace. He had absolutely no feelings like he was weird or didn’t fit in and confidently loves himself now. We gave as many social opportunities as possible. But we didn’t know he was autistic. He really could have used some special education services to help him with social skills at a younger age. In PA you are now able to do part day enrollment. I would have considered that for him if it has been an option. Or definitely pursued private therapy to help., I haven’t found the right place for my son. He was mistreated several times at school. We were yelled at and called bad parents. We pulled him out two months ago and he is feeling so much better. He’s a very clever kid too. He was very bored at school. I am still trying to find another school because he loves being with other kids, although it can be overwhelming, We live in a country where children usually start school around 7yo. Up until 5yo I was pretty much the only person my son could regularly and effectively study with and learn from. At 5yo he could attend small separate classes including quite advanced ones but not kindergarten. At 6 he became ready for private kindergarten (10 kids in the class) plus some extra classes, at 7 went to a private school (around 15 kids im the class) - they don't even know about his ASD, consider it perfectionism plus anxiety, and he's on top of his class academically. So at 4yo I would not even think twice about homeschooling - as long as the child is not locked in the house and attends necessary therapies, some 1 on 1 tutoring (not with the parent) and ideally some group activities, I believe it's fine and does not mean he won't be able to attend regular school in a year or two., I've always wanted to home school. I do worry though because my daughter can be VERY inattentive but we're gonna try it out starting August. She'll be almost 3.5 were just going to do some informal lessons and see. If you live close to a bigger city I would search Facebook for home school groups. We have a few around here but nothing for ND I've seen so far., Not currently, but it is definitely a goal., We are trying to decide. I’m a teacher and never expected to homeschool. But my kiddo just shut down in preschool and I saw that he wasn’t learning. I think he was in freeze response because of anxiety. Now at home, he’s five, with OT/SLP and a couple of activities, he has started showing interest in letters, counting, writing his name spontaneously. We plan for him to go to our local public school, which emphasizes inclusion but has an ASD center, sensory room and teaches trained to support children through meltdowns, etc. he has loved therapy so my hope is that he will love school when the adults are informed about how he learns. But I go back and forth. We are currently working on setting up our lives so that we could homeschool if needed. Im also looking into online schooling and a Sudbury school, which he could attend part time. I wish he could attend public school part time!, We do! My kiddo is very smart, but he would have been a behavior problem at school. He has no interest in peers and he would be a target for bullying too. Kids have to be emotionally regulated in order to learn, and that wouldn’t have happened at school. So, we would have sent him to school to frustrate his teachers, be the “bad kid,” get bullied, and fall behind academically. Instead we have kept him home. We explicitly teach social skills and emotional regulation. He is doing really well academically and loves learning. He has a best friend. He’s never been bullied. He goes to co-op, electives at a public school, Lego club, and church and Sunday school weekly. He has no interest in the other students, but loves his teachers and they love having him in class. It is enough for him right now. We’re giving him one more year to develop and then we’ll ask him to try a hybrid program where he does 2 days at school and the rest at home. Kids with autism are delayed and sometimes it makes sense to give them some time to develop in an environment that doesn’t overwhelm them. I mean, our doctor always says that our kids are 3-5 years behind their peers. I wouldn’t send my kid to school as a baby or toddler. I just don’t think it’s true that kids have to get used to something at 5 in order to be able to do it when they are older., My daughter is 4.5 and we homeschool, which was our plan from the start since our oldest (16) is also homeschooled. Shes mostly non-verbal so it looks differently than I thought it would but that’s okay. We are very loose with it right now and do lots of books, learning games, some hands on things from Harbor & Sprout, crafts, etc and will move toward more “formal” things around 6., No, my kids go to their local public school. My daughter needs more than I can give her. She is also much more likely to be defiant for me than her teachers., Nope. The few months we had to homeschool during covid shutdowns were some of the worst times I've ever had. Constant crying and fighting and I just don't have the patience for it., This is a totally fair and valid point! I'm an OT so I do have a lot of Education and experience in teaching in a therapeutic context, but I'd have a lot of learning to do myself and likely need support of tutors. Ideally I'd love a school with mainstream academics but a class size of like 10 max., Thank you, this is a very nice perspective. I'm in the US where kids are pushed to start school very early (in my opinion), so it's good to remember he's still young, No. I’m a teacher (well, I was before I became a stay at home parent), and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but just because you’re a good parent doesn’t mean you’re a good teacher. Teaching is a speciality. That’s why it takes us 4 years and an eventual Master’s degree to do it. I just honestly see no benefit to it. Plus, my son is very extroverted and enjoys being in a class of his friends every day. I cannot possibly simulate that level of socialization if I homeschooled. I also think it’s important for kids to have lives apart from their parents., We homeschool both our boys who are autistic and have ADHD. They are in middle school and this has been the best decision for our family. They still go to therapy outside the home and also participate in other activities like music lessons. It's not easy but it works for us because it gives us the chance to work with them individually when they are at their best., I did. This was our first year in school. My ASD son is in 5th. It’s was very challenging to teach him. But I feel like he was given space to comfortably be himself and learn at his own pace. He had absolutely no feelings like he was weird or didn’t fit in and confidently loves himself now. We gave as many social opportunities as possible. But we didn’t know he was autistic. He really could have used some special education services to help him with social skills at a younger age. In PA you are now able to do part day enrollment. I would have considered that for him if it has been an option. Or definitely pursued private therapy to help., I haven’t found the right place for my son. He was mistreated several times at school. We were yelled at and called bad parents. We pulled him out two months ago and he is feeling so much better. He’s a very clever kid too. He was very bored at school. I am still trying to find another school because he loves being with other kids, although it can be overwhelming, We live in a country where children usually start school around 7yo. Up until 5yo I was pretty much the only person my son could regularly and effectively study with and learn from. At 5yo he could attend small separate classes including quite advanced ones but not kindergarten. At 6 he became ready for private kindergarten (10 kids in the class) plus some extra classes, at 7 went to a private school (around 15 kids im the class) - they don't even know about his ASD, consider it perfectionism plus anxiety, and he's on top of his class academically. So at 4yo I would not even think twice about homeschooling - as long as the child is not locked in the house and attends necessary therapies, some 1 on 1 tutoring (not with the parent) and ideally some group activities, I believe it's fine and does not mean he won't be able to attend regular school in a year or two., I've always wanted to home school. I do worry though because my daughter can be VERY inattentive but we're gonna try it out starting August. She'll be almost 3.5 were just going to do some informal lessons and see. If you live close to a bigger city I would search Facebook for home school groups. We have a few around here but nothing for ND I've seen so far., Not currently, but it is definitely a goal., We are trying to decide. I’m a teacher and never expected to homeschool. But my kiddo just shut down in preschool and I saw that he wasn’t learning. I think he was in freeze response because of anxiety. Now at home, he’s five, with OT/SLP and a couple of activities, he has started showing interest in letters, counting, writing his name spontaneously. We plan for him to go to our local public school, which emphasizes inclusion but has an ASD center, sensory room and teaches trained to support children through meltdowns, etc. he has loved therapy so my hope is that he will love school when the adults are informed about how he learns. But I go back and forth. We are currently working on setting up our lives so that we could homeschool if needed. Im also looking into online schooling and a Sudbury school, which he could attend part time. I wish he could attend public school part time!, We do! My kiddo is very smart, but he would have been a behavior problem at school. He has no interest in peers and he would be a target for bullying too. Kids have to be emotionally regulated in order to learn, and that wouldn’t have happened at school. So, we would have sent him to school to frustrate his teachers, be the “bad kid,” get bullied, and fall behind academically. Instead we have kept him home. We explicitly teach social skills and emotional regulation. He is doing really well academically and loves learning. He has a best friend. He’s never been bullied. He goes to co-op, electives at a public school, Lego club, and church and Sunday school weekly. He has no interest in the other students, but loves his teachers and they love having him in class. It is enough for him right now. We’re giving him one more year to develop and then we’ll ask him to try a hybrid program where he does 2 days at school and the rest at home. Kids with autism are delayed and sometimes it makes sense to give them some time to develop in an environment that doesn’t overwhelm them. I mean, our doctor always says that our kids are 3-5 years behind their peers. I wouldn’t send my kid to school as a baby or toddler. I just don’t think it’s true that kids have to get used to something at 5 in order to be able to do it when they are older., My daughter is 4.5 and we homeschool, which was our plan from the start since our oldest (16) is also homeschooled. Shes mostly non-verbal so it looks differently than I thought it would but that’s okay. We are very loose with it right now and do lots of books, learning games, some hands on things from Harbor & Sprout, crafts, etc and will move toward more “formal” things around 6., No, my kids go to their local public school. My daughter needs more than I can give her. She is also much more likely to be defiant for me than her teachers., Nope. The few months we had to homeschool during covid shutdowns were some of the worst times I've ever had. Constant crying and fighting and I just don't have the patience for it., This is a totally fair and valid point! I'm an OT so I do have a lot of Education and experience in teaching in a therapeutic context, but I'd have a lot of learning to do myself and likely need support of tutors. Ideally I'd love a school with mainstream academics but a class size of like 10 max., Thank you, this is a very nice perspective. I'm in the US where kids are pushed to start school very early (in my opinion), so it's good to remember he's still young, No. I’m a teacher (well, I was before I became a stay at home parent), and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but just because you’re a good parent doesn’t mean you’re a good teacher. Teaching is a speciality. That’s why it takes us 4 years and an eventual Master’s degree to do it. I just honestly see no benefit to it. Plus, my son is very extroverted and enjoys being in a class of his friends every day. I cannot possibly simulate that level of socialization if I homeschooled. I also think it’s important for kids to have lives apart from their parents., We homeschool both our boys who are autistic and have ADHD. They are in middle school and this has been the best decision for our family. They still go to therapy outside the home and also participate in other activities like music lessons. It's not easy but it works for us because it gives us the chance to work with them individually when they are at their best., I did. This was our first year in school. My ASD son is in 5th. It’s was very challenging to teach him. But I feel like he was given space to comfortably be himself and learn at his own pace. He had absolutely no feelings like he was weird or didn’t fit in and confidently loves himself now. We gave as many social opportunities as possible. But we didn’t know he was autistic. He really could have used some special education services to help him with social skills at a younger age. In PA you are now able to do part day enrollment. I would have considered that for him if it has been an option. Or definitely pursued private therapy to help., I haven’t found the right place for my son. He was mistreated several times at school. We were yelled at and called bad parents. We pulled him out two months ago and he is feeling so much better. He’s a very clever kid too. He was very bored at school. I am still trying to find another school because he loves being with other kids, although it can be overwhelming, We live in a country where children usually start school around 7yo. Up until 5yo I was pretty much the only person my son could regularly and effectively study with and learn from. At 5yo he could attend small separate classes including quite advanced ones but not kindergarten. At 6 he became ready for private kindergarten (10 kids in the class) plus some extra classes, at 7 went to a private school (around 15 kids im the class) - they don't even know about his ASD, consider it perfectionism plus anxiety, and he's on top of his class academically. So at 4yo I would not even think twice about homeschooling - as long as the child is not locked in the house and attends necessary therapies, some 1 on 1 tutoring (not with the parent) and ideally some group activities, I believe it's fine and does not mean he won't be able to attend regular school in a year or two., I've always wanted to home school. I do worry though because my daughter can be VERY inattentive but we're gonna try it out starting August. She'll be almost 3.5 were just going to do some informal lessons and see. If you live close to a bigger city I would search Facebook for home school groups. We have a few around here but nothing for ND I've seen so far., Not currently, but it is definitely a goal., We are trying to decide. I’m a teacher and never expected to homeschool. But my kiddo just shut down in preschool and I saw that he wasn’t learning. I think he was in freeze response because of anxiety. Now at home, he’s five, with OT/SLP and a couple of activities, he has started showing interest in letters, counting, writing his name spontaneously. We plan for him to go to our local public school, which emphasizes inclusion but has an ASD center, sensory room and teaches trained to support children through meltdowns, etc. he has loved therapy so my hope is that he will love school when the adults are informed about how he learns. But I go back and forth. We are currently working on setting up our lives so that we could homeschool if needed. Im also looking into online schooling and a Sudbury school, which he could attend part time. I wish he could attend public school part time!, We do! My kiddo is very smart, but he would have been a behavior problem at school. He has no interest in peers and he would be a target for bullying too. Kids have to be emotionally regulated in order to learn, and that wouldn’t have happened at school. So, we would have sent him to school to frustrate his teachers, be the “bad kid,” get bullied, and fall behind academically. Instead we have kept him home. We explicitly teach social skills and emotional regulation. He is doing really well academically and loves learning. He has a best friend. He’s never been bullied. He goes to co-op, electives at a public school, Lego club, and church and Sunday school weekly. He has no interest in the other students, but loves his teachers and they love having him in class. It is enough for him right now. We’re giving him one more year to develop and then we’ll ask him to try a hybrid program where he does 2 days at school and the rest at home. Kids with autism are delayed and sometimes it makes sense to give them some time to develop in an environment that doesn’t overwhelm them. I mean, our doctor always says that our kids are 3-5 years behind their peers. I wouldn’t send my kid to school as a baby or toddler. I just don’t think it’s true that kids have to get used to something at 5 in order to be able to do it when they are older., My daughter is 4.5 and we homeschool, which was our plan from the start since our oldest (16) is also homeschooled. Shes mostly non-verbal so it looks differently than I thought it would but that’s okay. We are very loose with it right now and do lots of books, learning games, some hands on things from Harbor & Sprout, crafts, etc and will move toward more “formal” things around 6., No, my kids go to their local public school. My daughter needs more than I can give her. She is also much more likely to be defiant for me than her teachers., Nope. The few months we had to homeschool during covid shutdowns were some of the worst times I've ever had. Constant crying and fighting and I just don't have the patience for it., This is a totally fair and valid point! I'm an OT so I do have a lot of Education and experience in teaching in a therapeutic context, but I'd have a lot of learning to do myself and likely need support of tutors. Ideally I'd love a school with mainstream academics but a class size of like 10 max., Thank you, this is a very nice perspective. I'm in the US where kids are pushed to start school very early (in my opinion), so it's good to remember he's still young

Do you still have friends from YOUR Childhood?

I have a friend who I reconnected with recently. We were best friends when we were 8 or 9, but fell out in our early 20s. Anyways, last time I saw her, I was seriously depressed about my son, and meeting all her typical daughters and all the fun activities they do together, plus the fact that she has a great career made me feel worse. It is unfair, but what can I do? I know comparison is toxic, but it is SO difficult. Anyone else?

I’m still best friends with my childhood BFF. I lived out of state for 15ish years and recently moved back home. We both have kids now and even though hers are years older, they play together. Both of her kids are NT and her struggles are much different than mine. I can talk to her about my son’s issues and she meets me where I am. I don’t compare myself to her or anyone else though. Every one struggles, mine just look different than hers. If y’all are friends, talk to her about it! I can’t imagine she would greet you with harshness 💗, I have a middle school friend on Facebook and instagram and we talk sometimes on there. She has two little ones that seem to be “normal” (not a fan of that term but whatevs) and I have a 6 year old on the spectrum. It’s kinda hard sometimes to see when she posts stories of taking them to fun zoo events or simple Starbucks runs. I can’t really do that with mine but I’m still happy for her. And I know she tries to understand as much as she can but it’s still hard to relate when you don’t have to go through the hardships yourself but I’m glad to have reconnected with her on social media. Some days I’m happy to see her stories but others… I simply lay off the Facebook and ‘gram for a bit ☺️, I met my best friend when we were in the 1st grade. He was 6 and I was 5. We'll both be 40 next year. We've got a connection that's hard to explain but we see each other as brothers more than friends. We've been through everything together. We were close in high school and went away to different colleges in different states. The funny thing is that's when we became even more close. Lived together, best men in each other's weddings, our wives are close, it's the kind of friendship you hope you'll have. I'm very blessed. Things have changed over the years for sure. We live really different lives. He graduated and stepped into a great career right away and is living a super comfortable life. No kids, but a super active guy who has hobbies like golf and skiing that wouldn't interest me even if I had time for them. I didn't graduate, worked my way up the ladder for years and am comfortable now but it took a lot of work. I'm a family man through and through and my idea of a nice weekend is hanging with my wife and kid. We don't talk as much as we used to. But we'll always be in each other's lives and we'll always be close. We try to get together at least every few months and I don't have any doubts that we always will. Relationships change and evolve. He's got friends he spends way more time with now. But if you were to ask him who his best friend is, he wouldn't hesitate to say my name. Because we've lived our lives together. We know intimately how we each got to this point in our lives. I'm happy for the life he's built, I'm happy about the new friends he's made - I think they're great dudes and consider many of them my own friends (or at least friendly acquaintances) now too. He's proud of me for working my way up to where I'm at and for having the family I always wanted. I'm grateful for this friendship even if it looks a lot different now than it did 30 years ago. But of course it does - so much has life has happened in the meantime. The bond we built is strong enough to carry through all the changes. My advice is to keep trying to re-connect. I hope it ends up just as fulfilling for you!, None of my childhood friends have children. I have friends from high school and college that I still keep in touch with that have children. Yes, seeing them with their NT kids living their typical lives is extremely difficult. I pulled away a lot from them because of this; it’s not fair for me to project my feelings on them. They’re doing nothing wrong. I need to heal before I drag them into my crazy level 3 autism kid life., I know plenty of people with NT kids that have their own struggles. They don’t understand what my family deals with, but I don’t understand their struggles either. I just look for people that can listen without judgement and don’t give advice unless they are asked for it., I feel this! But on the reverse I recently connected with a childhood friend who also has autistic kids! It has been really validating because I have the same feelings as you when I spend time around friends with all NT kids., I’m still friends with some folks from childhood. What keeps us together is our understanding that life can be rough for all of us for different reasons, so we support each other the best we can. My friends with NT kids don’t have it easy, they just have different problems from me. One friend recently lost his daughter. My challenges with a ND child doesn’t compare to his pain. Another friend regularly deals with drug addiction and racism in their family. Another has been struggling to find employment for years., We're not super duper close but we're still facebook friends., About 10 years old and up, I would say I still have some of the same friends. I was in boy scouts with about five other guys that were my age and we stayed in the same church for the whole time we were in high school. We don't see too much of each other, we all live in different states and have jobs and kids and stuff like that. But when they're in town we meet up and see each other. Early childhood though, like my neighbor friends I grew up with, no idea where they're at, haven't seen them since I moved out of that neighborhood., I have but kept in touch with any of my childhood friends although I moved far away from my home state years ago so that doesn't help (most still live there). Even if I hadn't moved I am not sure I'd have a lot in common with them now anyways. I have made new friends as an adult and am fine with that :) I try not to compare my kid with other people's kids but it is hard not to sometimes. I think that is just human nature though and I try not to beat myself up about it too much when it happens., Yes- we all still live relatively close. Some I’m closer to with others- but there is a big group of us- and we tend to get together at least a few times a year., I have 3 friends I grew up with and we're very close, talk most weeks etc etc. I moved away (20 years ago) and we try to meet up once a year (just the 4 of us), they all have NT kids. They've come to stay with me, I'm going to take my boys over to them this summer for a couple of weeks. The kids are awesome, they understand and accept that my kids have different challenges. They refer to themselves as cousins. It's pretty amazing really. Last summer, one of the group got married, so I flew over for the wedding, I spent 4 days with their kids. It was weird to see how independent they were, being the same age as my boys but obviously "ahead" in different areas. I feel really happy for my friends, everyone's journey is different and I get to be part of theirs. I don't know what my kids future will be, we support them and celebrate the wins., No, I don't. Mainly because I'm a military kid, and I said goodbye to people every 3 years or so. Then I went to college and I don't have any of those friends either. I have one friend I've known for 10 years and I met her when I was in my late twenties., She visits when she comes into town. We text sometimes. My little boy absolutely loves her., My childhood friend is living across the country with his cute hubby in a beautiful big city, childfree. Sometimes his life looks awesome... But I know he's very lonely. We chat a lot throughout the week. I'm glad I can talk to him about all our bullshit, he talks to me about his cats, the city, and how he wants to write kids' books.  Grass is greener, and all that. , My childhood best friend lives across the country but we talk frequently and visit every couple years. I have 2 other friends from public school that we talk intermittently and visit every 5 or so years lol. The rest are all teens to 20s friends. Its been about 9 years since I made a new friend., Yes. We all live in different states but have a group text where we keep in touch regularly & visit in person occasionally. Lucked out and met some good kids who’ve since become amazing adults. They provide advice and an outlet when I need, and they do the same when they’re overwhelmed., No, my childhood best friend and I stopped talking in college. The friends I have I made as an adult from working different jobs. I have one friend that I’ve known since middle school but we weren’t friends until we were adults and had daughters close in age. I have fond memories of my childhood friends, but I prefer the people I have in my life now., I don't know where any of my childhood friends ended up, aside from the few that I know passed on due to car accidents in middle and high school. For a while it seemed like that was the only thing in the news. My friends I have had four a while most have children and they are all nt, comparisons are a real killjoy. They look forward to their kids getting their license and getting a job and so forth. I hope my kiddo picks a communication method I can more clearly understand be it pecs, asl whatever anything more clear than vague tossing off my hand towards something. I wish my kiddo would have the desire to use the bathroom potty training that doesn't go well at 11 is a huge gross mess. Fact is we live in different worlds, I try to not compare our goals are vastly different and for me to stay happy in any sense I need to focus on my little man and celebrate his progress., I’m Facebook friends with a lot of the people I grew up with. Still friends with two of my closest friends from middle school. I moved away, but one of them lives just up the road from me now. We see each other occasionally. When I was 16, I met the gal who’d be my lifelong best friend. We’re 40 now. I’m the god mother of her two boys, who are now young adults. She and her husband are my daughter’s god parents. We’ve been through everything together. We’ll go months without talking and just live our lives, but whenever one of us is in need, the other is right there., Yes. I may not keep up with them daily but we all still care, I have had the same best friend for 19 years, since we were 13. She has 1 typical kid and 1 special needs kid, however, her special needs kid is pretty mild and will likely be quite independent. Very different to my son who is level 3 asd. It’s definitely hard. But she’s probably the one friend that I feel truly would never judge me or my son. I know she loves and cares about both of us., This one hits hard for me. I reconnected with a close childhood friend. Shortly after that my son regressed hard. I was devastated. About a week later, my friend lost his brother. And when I told him about my dark place, he told me how I was overreacting. (In a completely loving and supportive way) But I reminded him that we can't compare our roads. As he (my friend) was not a parent and had no idea of my situation., Yep! I have friends I keep in contact from elementary school., I have a single friend from when I was in Primary school.  The last few years we have been talking less.  He's being posting a lot of anti trans and right wing stuff.  As I have some trans friends, it's gotten me really angry.  Especially as he's a police officer and has mentioned that he will treat trans women as if they are men.   Thankfully we live in different states so avoiding him is fairly easy., My best friend (since birth pretty much) has a hyperverbal child and my son was virtually nonverbal until this year- same age. I felt envy but I somehow escaped the drama because I just vented in therapy instead of bringing her into my feelings. I've learned from envy over the years that we are all dealt a hand and sometimes you think someone has it better than you then they may be struck with a tragedy that hurts your heart. This kid from our school had everything going for him and then he had a baby that lived less than 48 hours. It was a rare condition and it wasn't caught on scans. You just never know when it's your turn for something good., Not really but it has nothing to do with my son. I met most of my close friends in my college and grad school years., My childhood friends left me after knowing about my sons diagnosis and I think he just has ptsd and yes we’re going through a lot during the years dealing with toxic family members that even excluded us from vacations fuck them all and keep focusing on the good in your life your time for good things with you and your child will come stay strong 💪🏻, I've withdrawn. Self imposed isolation entirely, I've entered the stage where invites drop off because I've turned them down so much., Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone has their own life to lead in their own way. I have no friends from childhood but it does not matter., No, I don't. I separated myself from them as I began to see they were treating me differently. They had great careers, houses, and more than on child. I live in an apartment, stay at home, and mom because my son needs much attention and has a few health concerns. I separated myself from them when my son was about 3 or 4 years old. He's 9 now. I saw the difference in treatment, and it made me feel as if I wasn't living up to their standards. They both were my best friends in high school but not with each other. One had a wife, and she always treated me from a distance and made me feel uncomfortable whenever I went to their house. I remember when we were sitting outside the house and my best friends wife told her that she was going inside to give the baby a bath and put her to bed and asked her if she was coming in too. My best friend told her no because she was talking with me. After a while we went inside so I could get my things and I felt like someone was watching us and when I looked up her wife and her wife's sister are standing at the top steps over the railing with the baby and looking down at me and my best friend in silence. So my best friend said I thought you were putting her to bed. I don't remember what excuse she gave. The last time I went to her house, my best friends bother, whom I have known since he was a kid, we were talking in the kitchen m. He asked me about work and what I was looking for. He told me to give him my number. If I hear anything, I'll let you know. As we are exchanging numbers, my best friend walks in and stands at the doorway as if we were doing something so wrong. I could see that my best friends brother was uncomfortable. I can tell you that was the last time I was invited to her house. She called me the next day and I thought it was weird and I felt she was waiting to hear what I have to say about the number exchange. She would mention she was having a BBQ but never invited me over. I just let it be. As for my other best friend she too treated me different as she moved up the corporate ladder. Mind you I always was her supporter. As she came to meet people at her company all of a sudden those where her friends and she was inviting them to places and excluded me. I felt very ashamed as I started to look down at myself, my life. I think it's sad when people change and make it seem like it's you., Yikes. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone intolerant and ignorant like that either. No loss., Have you tried opening up to them?, No not yet., I’m still best friends with my childhood BFF. I lived out of state for 15ish years and recently moved back home. We both have kids now and even though hers are years older, they play together. Both of her kids are NT and her struggles are much different than mine. I can talk to her about my son’s issues and she meets me where I am. I don’t compare myself to her or anyone else though. Every one struggles, mine just look different than hers. If y’all are friends, talk to her about it! I can’t imagine she would greet you with harshness 💗, I have a middle school friend on Facebook and instagram and we talk sometimes on there. She has two little ones that seem to be “normal” (not a fan of that term but whatevs) and I have a 6 year old on the spectrum. It’s kinda hard sometimes to see when she posts stories of taking them to fun zoo events or simple Starbucks runs. I can’t really do that with mine but I’m still happy for her. And I know she tries to understand as much as she can but it’s still hard to relate when you don’t have to go through the hardships yourself but I’m glad to have reconnected with her on social media. Some days I’m happy to see her stories but others… I simply lay off the Facebook and ‘gram for a bit ☺️, I met my best friend when we were in the 1st grade. He was 6 and I was 5. We'll both be 40 next year. We've got a connection that's hard to explain but we see each other as brothers more than friends. We've been through everything together. We were close in high school and went away to different colleges in different states. The funny thing is that's when we became even more close. Lived together, best men in each other's weddings, our wives are close, it's the kind of friendship you hope you'll have. I'm very blessed. Things have changed over the years for sure. We live really different lives. He graduated and stepped into a great career right away and is living a super comfortable life. No kids, but a super active guy who has hobbies like golf and skiing that wouldn't interest me even if I had time for them. I didn't graduate, worked my way up the ladder for years and am comfortable now but it took a lot of work. I'm a family man through and through and my idea of a nice weekend is hanging with my wife and kid. We don't talk as much as we used to. But we'll always be in each other's lives and we'll always be close. We try to get together at least every few months and I don't have any doubts that we always will. Relationships change and evolve. He's got friends he spends way more time with now. But if you were to ask him who his best friend is, he wouldn't hesitate to say my name. Because we've lived our lives together. We know intimately how we each got to this point in our lives. I'm happy for the life he's built, I'm happy about the new friends he's made - I think they're great dudes and consider many of them my own friends (or at least friendly acquaintances) now too. He's proud of me for working my way up to where I'm at and for having the family I always wanted. I'm grateful for this friendship even if it looks a lot different now than it did 30 years ago. But of course it does - so much has life has happened in the meantime. The bond we built is strong enough to carry through all the changes. My advice is to keep trying to re-connect. I hope it ends up just as fulfilling for you!, None of my childhood friends have children. I have friends from high school and college that I still keep in touch with that have children. Yes, seeing them with their NT kids living their typical lives is extremely difficult. I pulled away a lot from them because of this; it’s not fair for me to project my feelings on them. They’re doing nothing wrong. I need to heal before I drag them into my crazy level 3 autism kid life., I know plenty of people with NT kids that have their own struggles. They don’t understand what my family deals with, but I don’t understand their struggles either. I just look for people that can listen without judgement and don’t give advice unless they are asked for it., I feel this! But on the reverse I recently connected with a childhood friend who also has autistic kids! It has been really validating because I have the same feelings as you when I spend time around friends with all NT kids., I’m still friends with some folks from childhood. What keeps us together is our understanding that life can be rough for all of us for different reasons, so we support each other the best we can. My friends with NT kids don’t have it easy, they just have different problems from me. One friend recently lost his daughter. My challenges with a ND child doesn’t compare to his pain. Another friend regularly deals with drug addiction and racism in their family. Another has been struggling to find employment for years., We're not super duper close but we're still facebook friends., About 10 years old and up, I would say I still have some of the same friends. I was in boy scouts with about five other guys that were my age and we stayed in the same church for the whole time we were in high school. We don't see too much of each other, we all live in different states and have jobs and kids and stuff like that. But when they're in town we meet up and see each other. Early childhood though, like my neighbor friends I grew up with, no idea where they're at, haven't seen them since I moved out of that neighborhood., I have but kept in touch with any of my childhood friends although I moved far away from my home state years ago so that doesn't help (most still live there). Even if I hadn't moved I am not sure I'd have a lot in common with them now anyways. I have made new friends as an adult and am fine with that :) I try not to compare my kid with other people's kids but it is hard not to sometimes. I think that is just human nature though and I try not to beat myself up about it too much when it happens., Yes- we all still live relatively close. Some I’m closer to with others- but there is a big group of us- and we tend to get together at least a few times a year., I have 3 friends I grew up with and we're very close, talk most weeks etc etc. I moved away (20 years ago) and we try to meet up once a year (just the 4 of us), they all have NT kids. They've come to stay with me, I'm going to take my boys over to them this summer for a couple of weeks. The kids are awesome, they understand and accept that my kids have different challenges. They refer to themselves as cousins. It's pretty amazing really. Last summer, one of the group got married, so I flew over for the wedding, I spent 4 days with their kids. It was weird to see how independent they were, being the same age as my boys but obviously "ahead" in different areas. I feel really happy for my friends, everyone's journey is different and I get to be part of theirs. I don't know what my kids future will be, we support them and celebrate the wins., No, I don't. Mainly because I'm a military kid, and I said goodbye to people every 3 years or so. Then I went to college and I don't have any of those friends either. I have one friend I've known for 10 years and I met her when I was in my late twenties., She visits when she comes into town. We text sometimes. My little boy absolutely loves her., My childhood friend is living across the country with his cute hubby in a beautiful big city, childfree. Sometimes his life looks awesome... But I know he's very lonely. We chat a lot throughout the week. I'm glad I can talk to him about all our bullshit, he talks to me about his cats, the city, and how he wants to write kids' books.  Grass is greener, and all that. , My childhood best friend lives across the country but we talk frequently and visit every couple years. I have 2 other friends from public school that we talk intermittently and visit every 5 or so years lol. The rest are all teens to 20s friends. Its been about 9 years since I made a new friend., Yes. We all live in different states but have a group text where we keep in touch regularly & visit in person occasionally. Lucked out and met some good kids who’ve since become amazing adults. They provide advice and an outlet when I need, and they do the same when they’re overwhelmed., No, my childhood best friend and I stopped talking in college. The friends I have I made as an adult from working different jobs. I have one friend that I’ve known since middle school but we weren’t friends until we were adults and had daughters close in age. I have fond memories of my childhood friends, but I prefer the people I have in my life now., I don't know where any of my childhood friends ended up, aside from the few that I know passed on due to car accidents in middle and high school. For a while it seemed like that was the only thing in the news. My friends I have had four a while most have children and they are all nt, comparisons are a real killjoy. They look forward to their kids getting their license and getting a job and so forth. I hope my kiddo picks a communication method I can more clearly understand be it pecs, asl whatever anything more clear than vague tossing off my hand towards something. I wish my kiddo would have the desire to use the bathroom potty training that doesn't go well at 11 is a huge gross mess. Fact is we live in different worlds, I try to not compare our goals are vastly different and for me to stay happy in any sense I need to focus on my little man and celebrate his progress., I’m Facebook friends with a lot of the people I grew up with. Still friends with two of my closest friends from middle school. I moved away, but one of them lives just up the road from me now. We see each other occasionally. When I was 16, I met the gal who’d be my lifelong best friend. We’re 40 now. I’m the god mother of her two boys, who are now young adults. She and her husband are my daughter’s god parents. We’ve been through everything together. We’ll go months without talking and just live our lives, but whenever one of us is in need, the other is right there., Yes. I may not keep up with them daily but we all still care, I have had the same best friend for 19 years, since we were 13. She has 1 typical kid and 1 special needs kid, however, her special needs kid is pretty mild and will likely be quite independent. Very different to my son who is level 3 asd. It’s definitely hard. But she’s probably the one friend that I feel truly would never judge me or my son. I know she loves and cares about both of us., This one hits hard for me. I reconnected with a close childhood friend. Shortly after that my son regressed hard. I was devastated. About a week later, my friend lost his brother. And when I told him about my dark place, he told me how I was overreacting. (In a completely loving and supportive way) But I reminded him that we can't compare our roads. As he (my friend) was not a parent and had no idea of my situation., Yep! I have friends I keep in contact from elementary school., I have a single friend from when I was in Primary school.  The last few years we have been talking less.  He's being posting a lot of anti trans and right wing stuff.  As I have some trans friends, it's gotten me really angry.  Especially as he's a police officer and has mentioned that he will treat trans women as if they are men.   Thankfully we live in different states so avoiding him is fairly easy., My best friend (since birth pretty much) has a hyperverbal child and my son was virtually nonverbal until this year- same age. I felt envy but I somehow escaped the drama because I just vented in therapy instead of bringing her into my feelings. I've learned from envy over the years that we are all dealt a hand and sometimes you think someone has it better than you then they may be struck with a tragedy that hurts your heart. This kid from our school had everything going for him and then he had a baby that lived less than 48 hours. It was a rare condition and it wasn't caught on scans. You just never know when it's your turn for something good., Not really but it has nothing to do with my son. I met most of my close friends in my college and grad school years., My childhood friends left me after knowing about my sons diagnosis and I think he just has ptsd and yes we’re going through a lot during the years dealing with toxic family members that even excluded us from vacations fuck them all and keep focusing on the good in your life your time for good things with you and your child will come stay strong 💪🏻, I've withdrawn. Self imposed isolation entirely, I've entered the stage where invites drop off because I've turned them down so much., Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone has their own life to lead in their own way. I have no friends from childhood but it does not matter., No, I don't. I separated myself from them as I began to see they were treating me differently. They had great careers, houses, and more than on child. I live in an apartment, stay at home, and mom because my son needs much attention and has a few health concerns. I separated myself from them when my son was about 3 or 4 years old. He's 9 now. I saw the difference in treatment, and it made me feel as if I wasn't living up to their standards. They both were my best friends in high school but not with each other. One had a wife, and she always treated me from a distance and made me feel uncomfortable whenever I went to their house. I remember when we were sitting outside the house and my best friends wife told her that she was going inside to give the baby a bath and put her to bed and asked her if she was coming in too. My best friend told her no because she was talking with me. After a while we went inside so I could get my things and I felt like someone was watching us and when I looked up her wife and her wife's sister are standing at the top steps over the railing with the baby and looking down at me and my best friend in silence. So my best friend said I thought you were putting her to bed. I don't remember what excuse she gave. The last time I went to her house, my best friends bother, whom I have known since he was a kid, we were talking in the kitchen m. He asked me about work and what I was looking for. He told me to give him my number. If I hear anything, I'll let you know. As we are exchanging numbers, my best friend walks in and stands at the doorway as if we were doing something so wrong. I could see that my best friends brother was uncomfortable. I can tell you that was the last time I was invited to her house. She called me the next day and I thought it was weird and I felt she was waiting to hear what I have to say about the number exchange. She would mention she was having a BBQ but never invited me over. I just let it be. As for my other best friend she too treated me different as she moved up the corporate ladder. Mind you I always was her supporter. As she came to meet people at her company all of a sudden those where her friends and she was inviting them to places and excluded me. I felt very ashamed as I started to look down at myself, my life. I think it's sad when people change and make it seem like it's you., Yikes. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone intolerant and ignorant like that either. No loss., Have you tried opening up to them?, No not yet., I’m still best friends with my childhood BFF. I lived out of state for 15ish years and recently moved back home. We both have kids now and even though hers are years older, they play together. Both of her kids are NT and her struggles are much different than mine. I can talk to her about my son’s issues and she meets me where I am. I don’t compare myself to her or anyone else though. Every one struggles, mine just look different than hers. If y’all are friends, talk to her about it! I can’t imagine she would greet you with harshness 💗, I have a middle school friend on Facebook and instagram and we talk sometimes on there. She has two little ones that seem to be “normal” (not a fan of that term but whatevs) and I have a 6 year old on the spectrum. It’s kinda hard sometimes to see when she posts stories of taking them to fun zoo events or simple Starbucks runs. I can’t really do that with mine but I’m still happy for her. And I know she tries to understand as much as she can but it’s still hard to relate when you don’t have to go through the hardships yourself but I’m glad to have reconnected with her on social media. Some days I’m happy to see her stories but others… I simply lay off the Facebook and ‘gram for a bit ☺️, I met my best friend when we were in the 1st grade. He was 6 and I was 5. We'll both be 40 next year. We've got a connection that's hard to explain but we see each other as brothers more than friends. We've been through everything together. We were close in high school and went away to different colleges in different states. The funny thing is that's when we became even more close. Lived together, best men in each other's weddings, our wives are close, it's the kind of friendship you hope you'll have. I'm very blessed. Things have changed over the years for sure. We live really different lives. He graduated and stepped into a great career right away and is living a super comfortable life. No kids, but a super active guy who has hobbies like golf and skiing that wouldn't interest me even if I had time for them. I didn't graduate, worked my way up the ladder for years and am comfortable now but it took a lot of work. I'm a family man through and through and my idea of a nice weekend is hanging with my wife and kid. We don't talk as much as we used to. But we'll always be in each other's lives and we'll always be close. We try to get together at least every few months and I don't have any doubts that we always will. Relationships change and evolve. He's got friends he spends way more time with now. But if you were to ask him who his best friend is, he wouldn't hesitate to say my name. Because we've lived our lives together. We know intimately how we each got to this point in our lives. I'm happy for the life he's built, I'm happy about the new friends he's made - I think they're great dudes and consider many of them my own friends (or at least friendly acquaintances) now too. He's proud of me for working my way up to where I'm at and for having the family I always wanted. I'm grateful for this friendship even if it looks a lot different now than it did 30 years ago. But of course it does - so much has life has happened in the meantime. The bond we built is strong enough to carry through all the changes. My advice is to keep trying to re-connect. I hope it ends up just as fulfilling for you!, None of my childhood friends have children. I have friends from high school and college that I still keep in touch with that have children. Yes, seeing them with their NT kids living their typical lives is extremely difficult. I pulled away a lot from them because of this; it’s not fair for me to project my feelings on them. They’re doing nothing wrong. I need to heal before I drag them into my crazy level 3 autism kid life., I know plenty of people with NT kids that have their own struggles. They don’t understand what my family deals with, but I don’t understand their struggles either. I just look for people that can listen without judgement and don’t give advice unless they are asked for it., I feel this! But on the reverse I recently connected with a childhood friend who also has autistic kids! It has been really validating because I have the same feelings as you when I spend time around friends with all NT kids., I’m still friends with some folks from childhood. What keeps us together is our understanding that life can be rough for all of us for different reasons, so we support each other the best we can. My friends with NT kids don’t have it easy, they just have different problems from me. One friend recently lost his daughter. My challenges with a ND child doesn’t compare to his pain. Another friend regularly deals with drug addiction and racism in their family. Another has been struggling to find employment for years., We're not super duper close but we're still facebook friends., About 10 years old and up, I would say I still have some of the same friends. I was in boy scouts with about five other guys that were my age and we stayed in the same church for the whole time we were in high school. We don't see too much of each other, we all live in different states and have jobs and kids and stuff like that. But when they're in town we meet up and see each other. Early childhood though, like my neighbor friends I grew up with, no idea where they're at, haven't seen them since I moved out of that neighborhood., I have but kept in touch with any of my childhood friends although I moved far away from my home state years ago so that doesn't help (most still live there). Even if I hadn't moved I am not sure I'd have a lot in common with them now anyways. I have made new friends as an adult and am fine with that :) I try not to compare my kid with other people's kids but it is hard not to sometimes. I think that is just human nature though and I try not to beat myself up about it too much when it happens., Yes- we all still live relatively close. Some I’m closer to with others- but there is a big group of us- and we tend to get together at least a few times a year., I have 3 friends I grew up with and we're very close, talk most weeks etc etc. I moved away (20 years ago) and we try to meet up once a year (just the 4 of us), they all have NT kids. They've come to stay with me, I'm going to take my boys over to them this summer for a couple of weeks. The kids are awesome, they understand and accept that my kids have different challenges. They refer to themselves as cousins. It's pretty amazing really. Last summer, one of the group got married, so I flew over for the wedding, I spent 4 days with their kids. It was weird to see how independent they were, being the same age as my boys but obviously "ahead" in different areas. I feel really happy for my friends, everyone's journey is different and I get to be part of theirs. I don't know what my kids future will be, we support them and celebrate the wins., No, I don't. Mainly because I'm a military kid, and I said goodbye to people every 3 years or so. Then I went to college and I don't have any of those friends either. I have one friend I've known for 10 years and I met her when I was in my late twenties., She visits when she comes into town. We text sometimes. My little boy absolutely loves her., My childhood friend is living across the country with his cute hubby in a beautiful big city, childfree. Sometimes his life looks awesome... But I know he's very lonely. We chat a lot throughout the week. I'm glad I can talk to him about all our bullshit, he talks to me about his cats, the city, and how he wants to write kids' books.  Grass is greener, and all that. , My childhood best friend lives across the country but we talk frequently and visit every couple years. I have 2 other friends from public school that we talk intermittently and visit every 5 or so years lol. The rest are all teens to 20s friends. Its been about 9 years since I made a new friend., Yes. We all live in different states but have a group text where we keep in touch regularly & visit in person occasionally. Lucked out and met some good kids who’ve since become amazing adults. They provide advice and an outlet when I need, and they do the same when they’re overwhelmed., No, my childhood best friend and I stopped talking in college. The friends I have I made as an adult from working different jobs. I have one friend that I’ve known since middle school but we weren’t friends until we were adults and had daughters close in age. I have fond memories of my childhood friends, but I prefer the people I have in my life now., I don't know where any of my childhood friends ended up, aside from the few that I know passed on due to car accidents in middle and high school. For a while it seemed like that was the only thing in the news. My friends I have had four a while most have children and they are all nt, comparisons are a real killjoy. They look forward to their kids getting their license and getting a job and so forth. I hope my kiddo picks a communication method I can more clearly understand be it pecs, asl whatever anything more clear than vague tossing off my hand towards something. I wish my kiddo would have the desire to use the bathroom potty training that doesn't go well at 11 is a huge gross mess. Fact is we live in different worlds, I try to not compare our goals are vastly different and for me to stay happy in any sense I need to focus on my little man and celebrate his progress., I’m Facebook friends with a lot of the people I grew up with. Still friends with two of my closest friends from middle school. I moved away, but one of them lives just up the road from me now. We see each other occasionally. When I was 16, I met the gal who’d be my lifelong best friend. We’re 40 now. I’m the god mother of her two boys, who are now young adults. She and her husband are my daughter’s god parents. We’ve been through everything together. We’ll go months without talking and just live our lives, but whenever one of us is in need, the other is right there., Yes. I may not keep up with them daily but we all still care, I have had the same best friend for 19 years, since we were 13. She has 1 typical kid and 1 special needs kid, however, her special needs kid is pretty mild and will likely be quite independent. Very different to my son who is level 3 asd. It’s definitely hard. But she’s probably the one friend that I feel truly would never judge me or my son. I know she loves and cares about both of us., This one hits hard for me. I reconnected with a close childhood friend. Shortly after that my son regressed hard. I was devastated. About a week later, my friend lost his brother. And when I told him about my dark place, he told me how I was overreacting. (In a completely loving and supportive way) But I reminded him that we can't compare our roads. As he (my friend) was not a parent and had no idea of my situation., Yep! I have friends I keep in contact from elementary school., I have a single friend from when I was in Primary school.  The last few years we have been talking less.  He's being posting a lot of anti trans and right wing stuff.  As I have some trans friends, it's gotten me really angry.  Especially as he's a police officer and has mentioned that he will treat trans women as if they are men.   Thankfully we live in different states so avoiding him is fairly easy., My best friend (since birth pretty much) has a hyperverbal child and my son was virtually nonverbal until this year- same age. I felt envy but I somehow escaped the drama because I just vented in therapy instead of bringing her into my feelings. I've learned from envy over the years that we are all dealt a hand and sometimes you think someone has it better than you then they may be struck with a tragedy that hurts your heart. This kid from our school had everything going for him and then he had a baby that lived less than 48 hours. It was a rare condition and it wasn't caught on scans. You just never know when it's your turn for something good., Not really but it has nothing to do with my son. I met most of my close friends in my college and grad school years., My childhood friends left me after knowing about my sons diagnosis and I think he just has ptsd and yes we’re going through a lot during the years dealing with toxic family members that even excluded us from vacations fuck them all and keep focusing on the good in your life your time for good things with you and your child will come stay strong 💪🏻, I've withdrawn. Self imposed isolation entirely, I've entered the stage where invites drop off because I've turned them down so much., Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone has their own life to lead in their own way. I have no friends from childhood but it does not matter., No, I don't. I separated myself from them as I began to see they were treating me differently. They had great careers, houses, and more than on child. I live in an apartment, stay at home, and mom because my son needs much attention and has a few health concerns. I separated myself from them when my son was about 3 or 4 years old. He's 9 now. I saw the difference in treatment, and it made me feel as if I wasn't living up to their standards. They both were my best friends in high school but not with each other. One had a wife, and she always treated me from a distance and made me feel uncomfortable whenever I went to their house. I remember when we were sitting outside the house and my best friends wife told her that she was going inside to give the baby a bath and put her to bed and asked her if she was coming in too. My best friend told her no because she was talking with me. After a while we went inside so I could get my things and I felt like someone was watching us and when I looked up her wife and her wife's sister are standing at the top steps over the railing with the baby and looking down at me and my best friend in silence. So my best friend said I thought you were putting her to bed. I don't remember what excuse she gave. The last time I went to her house, my best friends bother, whom I have known since he was a kid, we were talking in the kitchen m. He asked me about work and what I was looking for. He told me to give him my number. If I hear anything, I'll let you know. As we are exchanging numbers, my best friend walks in and stands at the doorway as if we were doing something so wrong. I could see that my best friends brother was uncomfortable. I can tell you that was the last time I was invited to her house. She called me the next day and I thought it was weird and I felt she was waiting to hear what I have to say about the number exchange. She would mention she was having a BBQ but never invited me over. I just let it be. As for my other best friend she too treated me different as she moved up the corporate ladder. Mind you I always was her supporter. As she came to meet people at her company all of a sudden those where her friends and she was inviting them to places and excluded me. I felt very ashamed as I started to look down at myself, my life. I think it's sad when people change and make it seem like it's you., Yikes. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone intolerant and ignorant like that either. No loss., Have you tried opening up to them?, No not yet., I’m still best friends with my childhood BFF. I lived out of state for 15ish years and recently moved back home. We both have kids now and even though hers are years older, they play together. Both of her kids are NT and her struggles are much different than mine. I can talk to her about my son’s issues and she meets me where I am. I don’t compare myself to her or anyone else though. Every one struggles, mine just look different than hers. If y’all are friends, talk to her about it! I can’t imagine she would greet you with harshness 💗, I have a middle school friend on Facebook and instagram and we talk sometimes on there. She has two little ones that seem to be “normal” (not a fan of that term but whatevs) and I have a 6 year old on the spectrum. It’s kinda hard sometimes to see when she posts stories of taking them to fun zoo events or simple Starbucks runs. I can’t really do that with mine but I’m still happy for her. And I know she tries to understand as much as she can but it’s still hard to relate when you don’t have to go through the hardships yourself but I’m glad to have reconnected with her on social media. Some days I’m happy to see her stories but others… I simply lay off the Facebook and ‘gram for a bit ☺️, I met my best friend when we were in the 1st grade. He was 6 and I was 5. We'll both be 40 next year. We've got a connection that's hard to explain but we see each other as brothers more than friends. We've been through everything together. We were close in high school and went away to different colleges in different states. The funny thing is that's when we became even more close. Lived together, best men in each other's weddings, our wives are close, it's the kind of friendship you hope you'll have. I'm very blessed. Things have changed over the years for sure. We live really different lives. He graduated and stepped into a great career right away and is living a super comfortable life. No kids, but a super active guy who has hobbies like golf and skiing that wouldn't interest me even if I had time for them. I didn't graduate, worked my way up the ladder for years and am comfortable now but it took a lot of work. I'm a family man through and through and my idea of a nice weekend is hanging with my wife and kid. We don't talk as much as we used to. But we'll always be in each other's lives and we'll always be close. We try to get together at least every few months and I don't have any doubts that we always will. Relationships change and evolve. He's got friends he spends way more time with now. But if you were to ask him who his best friend is, he wouldn't hesitate to say my name. Because we've lived our lives together. We know intimately how we each got to this point in our lives. I'm happy for the life he's built, I'm happy about the new friends he's made - I think they're great dudes and consider many of them my own friends (or at least friendly acquaintances) now too. He's proud of me for working my way up to where I'm at and for having the family I always wanted. I'm grateful for this friendship even if it looks a lot different now than it did 30 years ago. But of course it does - so much has life has happened in the meantime. The bond we built is strong enough to carry through all the changes. My advice is to keep trying to re-connect. I hope it ends up just as fulfilling for you!, None of my childhood friends have children. I have friends from high school and college that I still keep in touch with that have children. Yes, seeing them with their NT kids living their typical lives is extremely difficult. I pulled away a lot from them because of this; it’s not fair for me to project my feelings on them. They’re doing nothing wrong. I need to heal before I drag them into my crazy level 3 autism kid life., I know plenty of people with NT kids that have their own struggles. They don’t understand what my family deals with, but I don’t understand their struggles either. I just look for people that can listen without judgement and don’t give advice unless they are asked for it., I feel this! But on the reverse I recently connected with a childhood friend who also has autistic kids! It has been really validating because I have the same feelings as you when I spend time around friends with all NT kids., I’m still friends with some folks from childhood. What keeps us together is our understanding that life can be rough for all of us for different reasons, so we support each other the best we can. My friends with NT kids don’t have it easy, they just have different problems from me. One friend recently lost his daughter. My challenges with a ND child doesn’t compare to his pain. Another friend regularly deals with drug addiction and racism in their family. Another has been struggling to find employment for years., We're not super duper close but we're still facebook friends., About 10 years old and up, I would say I still have some of the same friends. I was in boy scouts with about five other guys that were my age and we stayed in the same church for the whole time we were in high school. We don't see too much of each other, we all live in different states and have jobs and kids and stuff like that. But when they're in town we meet up and see each other. Early childhood though, like my neighbor friends I grew up with, no idea where they're at, haven't seen them since I moved out of that neighborhood., I have but kept in touch with any of my childhood friends although I moved far away from my home state years ago so that doesn't help (most still live there). Even if I hadn't moved I am not sure I'd have a lot in common with them now anyways. I have made new friends as an adult and am fine with that :) I try not to compare my kid with other people's kids but it is hard not to sometimes. I think that is just human nature though and I try not to beat myself up about it too much when it happens., Yes- we all still live relatively close. Some I’m closer to with others- but there is a big group of us- and we tend to get together at least a few times a year., I have 3 friends I grew up with and we're very close, talk most weeks etc etc. I moved away (20 years ago) and we try to meet up once a year (just the 4 of us), they all have NT kids. They've come to stay with me, I'm going to take my boys over to them this summer for a couple of weeks. The kids are awesome, they understand and accept that my kids have different challenges. They refer to themselves as cousins. It's pretty amazing really. Last summer, one of the group got married, so I flew over for the wedding, I spent 4 days with their kids. It was weird to see how independent they were, being the same age as my boys but obviously "ahead" in different areas. I feel really happy for my friends, everyone's journey is different and I get to be part of theirs. I don't know what my kids future will be, we support them and celebrate the wins., No, I don't. Mainly because I'm a military kid, and I said goodbye to people every 3 years or so. Then I went to college and I don't have any of those friends either. I have one friend I've known for 10 years and I met her when I was in my late twenties., She visits when she comes into town. We text sometimes. My little boy absolutely loves her., My childhood friend is living across the country with his cute hubby in a beautiful big city, childfree. Sometimes his life looks awesome... But I know he's very lonely. We chat a lot throughout the week. I'm glad I can talk to him about all our bullshit, he talks to me about his cats, the city, and how he wants to write kids' books.  Grass is greener, and all that. , My childhood best friend lives across the country but we talk frequently and visit every couple years. I have 2 other friends from public school that we talk intermittently and visit every 5 or so years lol. The rest are all teens to 20s friends. Its been about 9 years since I made a new friend., Yes. We all live in different states but have a group text where we keep in touch regularly & visit in person occasionally. Lucked out and met some good kids who’ve since become amazing adults. They provide advice and an outlet when I need, and they do the same when they’re overwhelmed., No, my childhood best friend and I stopped talking in college. The friends I have I made as an adult from working different jobs. I have one friend that I’ve known since middle school but we weren’t friends until we were adults and had daughters close in age. I have fond memories of my childhood friends, but I prefer the people I have in my life now., I don't know where any of my childhood friends ended up, aside from the few that I know passed on due to car accidents in middle and high school. For a while it seemed like that was the only thing in the news. My friends I have had four a while most have children and they are all nt, comparisons are a real killjoy. They look forward to their kids getting their license and getting a job and so forth. I hope my kiddo picks a communication method I can more clearly understand be it pecs, asl whatever anything more clear than vague tossing off my hand towards something. I wish my kiddo would have the desire to use the bathroom potty training that doesn't go well at 11 is a huge gross mess. Fact is we live in different worlds, I try to not compare our goals are vastly different and for me to stay happy in any sense I need to focus on my little man and celebrate his progress., I’m Facebook friends with a lot of the people I grew up with. Still friends with two of my closest friends from middle school. I moved away, but one of them lives just up the road from me now. We see each other occasionally. When I was 16, I met the gal who’d be my lifelong best friend. We’re 40 now. I’m the god mother of her two boys, who are now young adults. She and her husband are my daughter’s god parents. We’ve been through everything together. We’ll go months without talking and just live our lives, but whenever one of us is in need, the other is right there., Yes. I may not keep up with them daily but we all still care, I have had the same best friend for 19 years, since we were 13. She has 1 typical kid and 1 special needs kid, however, her special needs kid is pretty mild and will likely be quite independent. Very different to my son who is level 3 asd. It’s definitely hard. But she’s probably the one friend that I feel truly would never judge me or my son. I know she loves and cares about both of us., This one hits hard for me. I reconnected with a close childhood friend. Shortly after that my son regressed hard. I was devastated. About a week later, my friend lost his brother. And when I told him about my dark place, he told me how I was overreacting. (In a completely loving and supportive way) But I reminded him that we can't compare our roads. As he (my friend) was not a parent and had no idea of my situation., Yep! I have friends I keep in contact from elementary school., I have a single friend from when I was in Primary school.  The last few years we have been talking less.  He's being posting a lot of anti trans and right wing stuff.  As I have some trans friends, it's gotten me really angry.  Especially as he's a police officer and has mentioned that he will treat trans women as if they are men.   Thankfully we live in different states so avoiding him is fairly easy., My best friend (since birth pretty much) has a hyperverbal child and my son was virtually nonverbal until this year- same age. I felt envy but I somehow escaped the drama because I just vented in therapy instead of bringing her into my feelings. I've learned from envy over the years that we are all dealt a hand and sometimes you think someone has it better than you then they may be struck with a tragedy that hurts your heart. This kid from our school had everything going for him and then he had a baby that lived less than 48 hours. It was a rare condition and it wasn't caught on scans. You just never know when it's your turn for something good., Not really but it has nothing to do with my son. I met most of my close friends in my college and grad school years., My childhood friends left me after knowing about my sons diagnosis and I think he just has ptsd and yes we’re going through a lot during the years dealing with toxic family members that even excluded us from vacations fuck them all and keep focusing on the good in your life your time for good things with you and your child will come stay strong 💪🏻, I've withdrawn. Self imposed isolation entirely, I've entered the stage where invites drop off because I've turned them down so much., Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone has their own life to lead in their own way. I have no friends from childhood but it does not matter., No, I don't. I separated myself from them as I began to see they were treating me differently. They had great careers, houses, and more than on child. I live in an apartment, stay at home, and mom because my son needs much attention and has a few health concerns. I separated myself from them when my son was about 3 or 4 years old. He's 9 now. I saw the difference in treatment, and it made me feel as if I wasn't living up to their standards. They both were my best friends in high school but not with each other. One had a wife, and she always treated me from a distance and made me feel uncomfortable whenever I went to their house. I remember when we were sitting outside the house and my best friends wife told her that she was going inside to give the baby a bath and put her to bed and asked her if she was coming in too. My best friend told her no because she was talking with me. After a while we went inside so I could get my things and I felt like someone was watching us and when I looked up her wife and her wife's sister are standing at the top steps over the railing with the baby and looking down at me and my best friend in silence. So my best friend said I thought you were putting her to bed. I don't remember what excuse she gave. The last time I went to her house, my best friends bother, whom I have known since he was a kid, we were talking in the kitchen m. He asked me about work and what I was looking for. He told me to give him my number. If I hear anything, I'll let you know. As we are exchanging numbers, my best friend walks in and stands at the doorway as if we were doing something so wrong. I could see that my best friends brother was uncomfortable. I can tell you that was the last time I was invited to her house. She called me the next day and I thought it was weird and I felt she was waiting to hear what I have to say about the number exchange. She would mention she was having a BBQ but never invited me over. I just let it be. As for my other best friend she too treated me different as she moved up the corporate ladder. Mind you I always was her supporter. As she came to meet people at her company all of a sudden those where her friends and she was inviting them to places and excluded me. I felt very ashamed as I started to look down at myself, my life. I think it's sad when people change and make it seem like it's you., Yikes. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone intolerant and ignorant like that either. No loss., Have you tried opening up to them?, No not yet.

Do you think diagnosis is necessary or should I just continue with therapies?

I suspect my 5 year old son is on spectrum (mild ASD). I took him to government hospital in Chandigarh, India (when he turned 4), but I felt like they don’t consider just stimming, eye contact, social interaction as parameters for the diagnosis, they were just focused on finding out if he is retarded or couldn’t speak, because my kid could solve basic problems like fitting shapes, identifying alphabets and numbers. Due to this most of people think it’s just bad parenting. But I live with him 24 hours and really get to see what they couldn’t in their 15-20 minutes evaluation. But I have started therapies for him, which has really helped him in trying some of fruits and focusing on writing in school. Do you think diagnosis is necessary or should I just continue with therapies?

It was necessary for us as the insurance wouldn't cover ABA without it. He needs the diagnosis for accomodations at school as well. Outside of that, I wouldn't find it necessary., Hi...I am from Delhi...so from what I've experienced, govt hospitals are mostly shit in autism cases since they've too many kids to evaluate they don't check with lot of depth...probably look for a private hospital for an evaluation and level..some hospitals like Apollo have specific branches for autism,adhd..In my case, my child in non verbal so that's easier to diagnose unlike your case. Last I checked, Apollo has a branch where they charge around 4k INR for a 4 hour evaluation and then give a detailed report., It helps with insurance and getting into special therapies or priorities for sure!, His school is really helpful, provided me with contacts of therapists. But I don’t know if I am on a correct path. In India you can’t even claim for tax deductions for ASD if child is not disabled 40% or above (whatever that means)., Thanks, I don’t think there is any help in Chandigarh, but I will call some hospitals. Otherwise I’ll visit Delhi for evaluation. Can you please share what hospital you went to?, Action for Autism...it's near Jasola Apollo and a branch of Apollo hospital itself...you can google it..I also got contacted by a therapy center company here on reddit...if you want, I can send you their contact details as well, Please share, any help is appreciated.

Do you think scheduling time-to-time appointments online in other countries where treatment is cheap and and good for early intervention till the wait time is over is a good idea?

I have noticed that wait time is the evil in countries like US and UK. Some had 1 year and private treatment is super ecpensive. That's crazy af! Do you think scheduling appointments time-to-time with NDT specialists until the wait time is finished is a good idea? Here I'm referring to NDT specialists from other countries where treatment cost is less and treatment is also good. Because knowing something's wrong with our child and waiting for months or a year to get it worse is something which is very concerning! What are your views?

I got a one year wait time for just the speech therapy evaluation the first place I called. I kept calling around and eventually found a place that would do the speech evaluation in 2 weeks, an OT evaluation a few days after, and only a 2 month wait for an ASD evaluation. They took our insurance and only had a minimal copay. It might be worth continuing to call around and trying to get an appointment., What exactly are you waiting on? Early intervention? An ASD assessment? Are you talking about doing virtual therapy like the other commenter assumed? I agree with them that has been completely useless for us during COVID. Its hard enough to work with these kids, now they wanted them to work with a face on a tablet... If you're talking about travelling to another country, you don't need to do that. Wait times vary dramatically right here within the country (assuming US). In MN wait times for assessments were 6 months at best, many times 12 months. Here in Colorado I can get an assessment scheduled two weeks from now. Same with ABA, in MN we were wait listed (COVID didn't help) for years right until we aged out as they all stopped at 5 years old. Here in CO you can get in ABA immediately aside from getting assessed and insurance approvals. Preferred provider might have a wait, but not left high and dry. So it really varies. Only developmental pediatrics is basically guaranteed wait no matter where you are because there's typically only one serving a wide area., Virtual visits for speech/OT are worse than useless with young kids. We all learned that during Covid. Not sure about the other age groups. Also, it's highly unlikely that services in another country would be covered by insurance here in the US., I'm located in NY and got the early intervention evaluation done relatively quick. The pediatrician refer him to the program and after multiple phone calls we got the evaluation done in 3 weeks. We start the process on March 2022 and have a speech therapy on May. The special Ed teacher was different. We did an online class because of shortage. The online was more for me than for my kid. I learned the activities and practice with him the rest of the week. Before the class I choose the toys and the teacher will find similar ones. My son loves to see him in the mirror, so I put the teacher and his face next to each other in zoom an he will engage better., Really appreciate it. Thanks a lot for sharing :), An ASD assessment. Thanks a lot for sharing the insight :) Really appreciated!, What if there is insurance coverage? What if the cost is relatively low as we know in US its super expensive And if that doesn't work, they can educate parents for time being. What do you think about this?, Wow, so online therapies can be effective, its just depend upon the person taking one., If you're going to a developmental pediatrician they always have long waits. You can get assessed by a psychologist. I always recommend Autism Speaks' [resource guide](https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/results?service%5B1521%5D=1521&) as its pretty thorough. If everyone has a long wait where you are (like my old state did) then maybe you can look at a little road trip to another metro or state that doesn't have such long wait times., Do you have a particular country in mind? Because I am struggling to think of a single English speaking place that doesn't have similar back logs., Thanks a lot!! Really appreciated!!, What's the best course for early intervention?, India. In India there is lack of awareness, but there are few therapists and therapy centers which are simply best. They have good success rate. They are expensive in India for the middle class division, but relatively low compare to the costs in foreign countries., Not much you can do about that order than just getting your own private speech and ot, Success rate? What does that mean? I'd wonder what you meant by therapy centres. How is a place that is situated in an ASD unaware, and class divided country best placed to provide therapy?, No, I would not be comfortable getting a provider from a country well known for its backwards attitude towards autistic people., Means many are leading a normal life, like going to normal schools, many parents are going to get togethers who are autistic. And class divided means based on their annual income. And with regards to unawareness, because its a densely populated country. There's one therapy center, they provided a monthly goal milestone template to both therapist and the parent. They both should do the activities at their respective places with the child. At the end of the month they compare the report. By analyzing it they will come to a conclusion where the therapist and parent is lagging behind. And here there are parents associations run by parents, so they don't have much focus on making money, but to help people, because that's what they all went through at some point of time., I respect your opinion, I posted this just to know others' opinion. Thanks for sharing your views :), No problem.

Do you use a Tether or Harness for your kid?

Any thoughts? Yay or Nay? My kid is 3yo and elopes FAST and FAR sometimes, and eats dirt sometimes when he gets away from us. Yes these are things to work on in general. But sometimes it seems like it could be a life saver if i could just know he cannot run away

You do what you've got to do to keep your kid safe., We used one for my runner until he was almost 5 for the safety and even now that he is 7 we still use a stroller in any area that is going to have a crowd. Also we use apple air tags and practice with him playing the "freeze game" We play the sound on the air tag that makes a chirpnoise and that means he has to freeze in place until a grown up touches him and says unfreeze. We haven't actually had to put this game to the test yet....the stroller comment above...but I feel like it just gives me an extra layer of security., Stroller or backpack leash if he absolutely needs to get out of the stroller. Honestly I feel like people aren’t judgmental about it now :) safety first., Time to value your child's safety over others opinions., We are all for strollers, shopping carts, or harnesses! Elopement is terrifying!! I always figure that safety comes first!, You do what you need to in order to keep your kid safe. We tried a harness and when he realized he couldn’t get away, he threw himself on the ground and proceeded to have a meltdown. Strollers have worked much better for us. Gives him a spot to chill if he wants and can keep him safe if it’s a questionable situation., No shame. Harness., As an adult person who's parents used a harness in the 80s, it's fine. I loved feeling free and them not telling me no all the time or jerking me around. I fought my dad moving me by my arm so hard when I was 2, my elbow dislocated. I hated being pulled around by my limbs. I loved the harness because in those 5 ft of leash, I was free 😅, YAY. I have used a harness for my kid who elopes. With ABA and other therapy etc, he is now MUCH better, but still wears a harness at times. It has saved his life many times, and enabled us to do things we wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. He has a backpack one. It works great and I love it. My next youngest child (delayed speech but otherwise neurotypical from what I can tell) did have a harness but he rarely needed it (although we always used it). Now he doesn’t and it goes to our youngest who is 21 months (also neurotypical, but has something against holding hands lol)., So at Disneyland we only used it once this time but it’s definitely something we swear by now, I did use one (hobbledehoo brand) until my son was around 4.5, especially when we went to busy places. He was a danger magnet and a mega eloper! He’s now 5 and we don’t need it any more, but it saved our butts on a number of occasions and I have no regrets whatsoever., We used a backpack with a tether when we were in New York City for a wedding and taking the subway a lot, Yes I bought a Dino backpack leash on Amazon and it was great. He almost got into the streets once. After I broke my legs and that incident, I went harness and I love it, I used to be one of those judge mental parents who looked down on the harnesses. Then I had an AuDHD kid with elopement issues and I can absolutely understand. I wish I would’ve been open to it much earlier and absolutely no more judgement from me when I see a kid on a harness., I used an enclosed stroller for my son. It doubles as an anti elopement device and gives him a safe space in case he is feeling overwhelmed., At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what’s best for you and yours. I think in an overly crowded area, no issues with tethers. I do think there’s an issue with becoming overly reliant on it. For example I know a 33 year old man whose dad still keeps him on a leash, refused to take him to any form of therapy, and essentially refers to his child as broken so there’s no point in trying anything. Not saying you’re anything like that man’s father. But I would strongly encourage talking with therapists about alternatives. If you can try to find an enclosed park in order to work on getting your child to respond when you ask them to stop running. It’s difficult but working on it is so worth it for when they’re an adult., We do, best thing we ever bought. My LO (ASD) does not like holding hands and likes to run off. Now LO can walk/run independently and we know they are safe., My 4 year old loves to elope. I used a tether today at our church's egg hunt. It allowed him to run while I comfortably in control. This is what we have: Dr.meter Toddler Leash, 2 Pack Safety Anti Lost Wrist Link with Key Lock, Reflective Child Walking Harness, 8.2ft Blue + 4.92ft Orange Kids Leash for Supermarket Mall Airport Amusement Park Zoo Travel https://a.co/d/3yxOqaC, Religiously, for years now. It's there only reasonable way to have him out of the house at all, and even then just barely., I am 100% pro-tether/harness. My son doesn’t elope and does pretty well with holding my hand, but if he didn’t I would 100% have a harness or backpack leash for him. People can stare all they want, you’re keeping your kid safe., I always get my Houdini leashes from Clover Patch Harnesses on Etsy. They clip in the back. My 6 year old.has used his for 2 years. I buy more periodically and introduce our friends to them.  Safety first. , We used to use a harness, but he's now so conditioned to holding our hands that we don't need one. I think I would have a wrist harness to his wrist (is there such a thing?), if I went into the city where it's alot busier and people walk while starting at their phones., I used to, but I can't get it on my son anymore. It worked well when he would wear it. Now he's 3.5 and if it even makes an appearance he's freaking out. It'd be easier to dress an angry alligator for afternoon tea than to get that harness on our son 😫, Leash👏🏻that👏🏻toddler!👏🏻 I hate when I feel like they are going to twist their arm off when they do not want to hold hands. Much rather have a safe kid and flip off a few Karen’s. :p, This is a great idea and I’m totally stealing it., What type of stroller did you use?, Amazon links trigger an automatic removal of the post by Reddit, FYI! This comment has been restored manually., https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DBNSQ1H?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share, I didn't know that, thank you!, You do what you've got to do to keep your kid safe., We used one for my runner until he was almost 5 for the safety and even now that he is 7 we still use a stroller in any area that is going to have a crowd. Also we use apple air tags and practice with him playing the "freeze game" We play the sound on the air tag that makes a chirpnoise and that means he has to freeze in place until a grown up touches him and says unfreeze. We haven't actually had to put this game to the test yet....the stroller comment above...but I feel like it just gives me an extra layer of security., Stroller or backpack leash if he absolutely needs to get out of the stroller. Honestly I feel like people aren’t judgmental about it now :) safety first., Time to value your child's safety over others opinions., We are all for strollers, shopping carts, or harnesses! Elopement is terrifying!! I always figure that safety comes first!, You do what you need to in order to keep your kid safe. We tried a harness and when he realized he couldn’t get away, he threw himself on the ground and proceeded to have a meltdown. Strollers have worked much better for us. Gives him a spot to chill if he wants and can keep him safe if it’s a questionable situation., No shame. Harness., As an adult person who's parents used a harness in the 80s, it's fine. I loved feeling free and them not telling me no all the time or jerking me around. I fought my dad moving me by my arm so hard when I was 2, my elbow dislocated. I hated being pulled around by my limbs. I loved the harness because in those 5 ft of leash, I was free 😅, YAY. I have used a harness for my kid who elopes. With ABA and other therapy etc, he is now MUCH better, but still wears a harness at times. It has saved his life many times, and enabled us to do things we wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. He has a backpack one. It works great and I love it. My next youngest child (delayed speech but otherwise neurotypical from what I can tell) did have a harness but he rarely needed it (although we always used it). Now he doesn’t and it goes to our youngest who is 21 months (also neurotypical, but has something against holding hands lol)., So at Disneyland we only used it once this time but it’s definitely something we swear by now, I did use one (hobbledehoo brand) until my son was around 4.5, especially when we went to busy places. He was a danger magnet and a mega eloper! He’s now 5 and we don’t need it any more, but it saved our butts on a number of occasions and I have no regrets whatsoever., We used a backpack with a tether when we were in New York City for a wedding and taking the subway a lot, Yes I bought a Dino backpack leash on Amazon and it was great. He almost got into the streets once. After I broke my legs and that incident, I went harness and I love it, I used to be one of those judge mental parents who looked down on the harnesses. Then I had an AuDHD kid with elopement issues and I can absolutely understand. I wish I would’ve been open to it much earlier and absolutely no more judgement from me when I see a kid on a harness., I used an enclosed stroller for my son. It doubles as an anti elopement device and gives him a safe space in case he is feeling overwhelmed., At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what’s best for you and yours. I think in an overly crowded area, no issues with tethers. I do think there’s an issue with becoming overly reliant on it. For example I know a 33 year old man whose dad still keeps him on a leash, refused to take him to any form of therapy, and essentially refers to his child as broken so there’s no point in trying anything. Not saying you’re anything like that man’s father. But I would strongly encourage talking with therapists about alternatives. If you can try to find an enclosed park in order to work on getting your child to respond when you ask them to stop running. It’s difficult but working on it is so worth it for when they’re an adult., We do, best thing we ever bought. My LO (ASD) does not like holding hands and likes to run off. Now LO can walk/run independently and we know they are safe., My 4 year old loves to elope. I used a tether today at our church's egg hunt. It allowed him to run while I comfortably in control. This is what we have: Dr.meter Toddler Leash, 2 Pack Safety Anti Lost Wrist Link with Key Lock, Reflective Child Walking Harness, 8.2ft Blue + 4.92ft Orange Kids Leash for Supermarket Mall Airport Amusement Park Zoo Travel https://a.co/d/3yxOqaC, Religiously, for years now. It's there only reasonable way to have him out of the house at all, and even then just barely., I am 100% pro-tether/harness. My son doesn’t elope and does pretty well with holding my hand, but if he didn’t I would 100% have a harness or backpack leash for him. People can stare all they want, you’re keeping your kid safe., I always get my Houdini leashes from Clover Patch Harnesses on Etsy. They clip in the back. My 6 year old.has used his for 2 years. I buy more periodically and introduce our friends to them.  Safety first. , We used to use a harness, but he's now so conditioned to holding our hands that we don't need one. I think I would have a wrist harness to his wrist (is there such a thing?), if I went into the city where it's alot busier and people walk while starting at their phones., I used to, but I can't get it on my son anymore. It worked well when he would wear it. Now he's 3.5 and if it even makes an appearance he's freaking out. It'd be easier to dress an angry alligator for afternoon tea than to get that harness on our son 😫, Leash👏🏻that👏🏻toddler!👏🏻 I hate when I feel like they are going to twist their arm off when they do not want to hold hands. Much rather have a safe kid and flip off a few Karen’s. :p, This is a great idea and I’m totally stealing it., What type of stroller did you use?, Amazon links trigger an automatic removal of the post by Reddit, FYI! This comment has been restored manually., https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DBNSQ1H?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share, I didn't know that, thank you!, You do what you've got to do to keep your kid safe., We used one for my runner until he was almost 5 for the safety and even now that he is 7 we still use a stroller in any area that is going to have a crowd. Also we use apple air tags and practice with him playing the "freeze game" We play the sound on the air tag that makes a chirpnoise and that means he has to freeze in place until a grown up touches him and says unfreeze. We haven't actually had to put this game to the test yet....the stroller comment above...but I feel like it just gives me an extra layer of security., Stroller or backpack leash if he absolutely needs to get out of the stroller. Honestly I feel like people aren’t judgmental about it now :) safety first., Time to value your child's safety over others opinions., We are all for strollers, shopping carts, or harnesses! Elopement is terrifying!! I always figure that safety comes first!, You do what you need to in order to keep your kid safe. We tried a harness and when he realized he couldn’t get away, he threw himself on the ground and proceeded to have a meltdown. Strollers have worked much better for us. Gives him a spot to chill if he wants and can keep him safe if it’s a questionable situation., No shame. Harness., As an adult person who's parents used a harness in the 80s, it's fine. I loved feeling free and them not telling me no all the time or jerking me around. I fought my dad moving me by my arm so hard when I was 2, my elbow dislocated. I hated being pulled around by my limbs. I loved the harness because in those 5 ft of leash, I was free 😅, YAY. I have used a harness for my kid who elopes. With ABA and other therapy etc, he is now MUCH better, but still wears a harness at times. It has saved his life many times, and enabled us to do things we wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. He has a backpack one. It works great and I love it. My next youngest child (delayed speech but otherwise neurotypical from what I can tell) did have a harness but he rarely needed it (although we always used it). Now he doesn’t and it goes to our youngest who is 21 months (also neurotypical, but has something against holding hands lol)., So at Disneyland we only used it once this time but it’s definitely something we swear by now, I did use one (hobbledehoo brand) until my son was around 4.5, especially when we went to busy places. He was a danger magnet and a mega eloper! He’s now 5 and we don’t need it any more, but it saved our butts on a number of occasions and I have no regrets whatsoever., We used a backpack with a tether when we were in New York City for a wedding and taking the subway a lot, Yes I bought a Dino backpack leash on Amazon and it was great. He almost got into the streets once. After I broke my legs and that incident, I went harness and I love it, I used to be one of those judge mental parents who looked down on the harnesses. Then I had an AuDHD kid with elopement issues and I can absolutely understand. I wish I would’ve been open to it much earlier and absolutely no more judgement from me when I see a kid on a harness., I used an enclosed stroller for my son. It doubles as an anti elopement device and gives him a safe space in case he is feeling overwhelmed., At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what’s best for you and yours. I think in an overly crowded area, no issues with tethers. I do think there’s an issue with becoming overly reliant on it. For example I know a 33 year old man whose dad still keeps him on a leash, refused to take him to any form of therapy, and essentially refers to his child as broken so there’s no point in trying anything. Not saying you’re anything like that man’s father. But I would strongly encourage talking with therapists about alternatives. If you can try to find an enclosed park in order to work on getting your child to respond when you ask them to stop running. It’s difficult but working on it is so worth it for when they’re an adult., We do, best thing we ever bought. My LO (ASD) does not like holding hands and likes to run off. Now LO can walk/run independently and we know they are safe., My 4 year old loves to elope. I used a tether today at our church's egg hunt. It allowed him to run while I comfortably in control. This is what we have: Dr.meter Toddler Leash, 2 Pack Safety Anti Lost Wrist Link with Key Lock, Reflective Child Walking Harness, 8.2ft Blue + 4.92ft Orange Kids Leash for Supermarket Mall Airport Amusement Park Zoo Travel https://a.co/d/3yxOqaC, Religiously, for years now. It's there only reasonable way to have him out of the house at all, and even then just barely., I am 100% pro-tether/harness. My son doesn’t elope and does pretty well with holding my hand, but if he didn’t I would 100% have a harness or backpack leash for him. People can stare all they want, you’re keeping your kid safe., I always get my Houdini leashes from Clover Patch Harnesses on Etsy. They clip in the back. My 6 year old.has used his for 2 years. I buy more periodically and introduce our friends to them.  Safety first. , We used to use a harness, but he's now so conditioned to holding our hands that we don't need one. I think I would have a wrist harness to his wrist (is there such a thing?), if I went into the city where it's alot busier and people walk while starting at their phones., I used to, but I can't get it on my son anymore. It worked well when he would wear it. Now he's 3.5 and if it even makes an appearance he's freaking out. It'd be easier to dress an angry alligator for afternoon tea than to get that harness on our son 😫, Leash👏🏻that👏🏻toddler!👏🏻 I hate when I feel like they are going to twist their arm off when they do not want to hold hands. Much rather have a safe kid and flip off a few Karen’s. :p, This is a great idea and I’m totally stealing it., What type of stroller did you use?, Amazon links trigger an automatic removal of the post by Reddit, FYI! This comment has been restored manually., https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DBNSQ1H?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share, I didn't know that, thank you!, You do what you've got to do to keep your kid safe., We used one for my runner until he was almost 5 for the safety and even now that he is 7 we still use a stroller in any area that is going to have a crowd. Also we use apple air tags and practice with him playing the "freeze game" We play the sound on the air tag that makes a chirpnoise and that means he has to freeze in place until a grown up touches him and says unfreeze. We haven't actually had to put this game to the test yet....the stroller comment above...but I feel like it just gives me an extra layer of security., Stroller or backpack leash if he absolutely needs to get out of the stroller. Honestly I feel like people aren’t judgmental about it now :) safety first., Time to value your child's safety over others opinions., We are all for strollers, shopping carts, or harnesses! Elopement is terrifying!! I always figure that safety comes first!, You do what you need to in order to keep your kid safe. We tried a harness and when he realized he couldn’t get away, he threw himself on the ground and proceeded to have a meltdown. Strollers have worked much better for us. Gives him a spot to chill if he wants and can keep him safe if it’s a questionable situation., No shame. Harness., As an adult person who's parents used a harness in the 80s, it's fine. I loved feeling free and them not telling me no all the time or jerking me around. I fought my dad moving me by my arm so hard when I was 2, my elbow dislocated. I hated being pulled around by my limbs. I loved the harness because in those 5 ft of leash, I was free 😅, YAY. I have used a harness for my kid who elopes. With ABA and other therapy etc, he is now MUCH better, but still wears a harness at times. It has saved his life many times, and enabled us to do things we wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. He has a backpack one. It works great and I love it. My next youngest child (delayed speech but otherwise neurotypical from what I can tell) did have a harness but he rarely needed it (although we always used it). Now he doesn’t and it goes to our youngest who is 21 months (also neurotypical, but has something against holding hands lol)., So at Disneyland we only used it once this time but it’s definitely something we swear by now, I did use one (hobbledehoo brand) until my son was around 4.5, especially when we went to busy places. He was a danger magnet and a mega eloper! He’s now 5 and we don’t need it any more, but it saved our butts on a number of occasions and I have no regrets whatsoever., We used a backpack with a tether when we were in New York City for a wedding and taking the subway a lot, Yes I bought a Dino backpack leash on Amazon and it was great. He almost got into the streets once. After I broke my legs and that incident, I went harness and I love it, I used to be one of those judge mental parents who looked down on the harnesses. Then I had an AuDHD kid with elopement issues and I can absolutely understand. I wish I would’ve been open to it much earlier and absolutely no more judgement from me when I see a kid on a harness., I used an enclosed stroller for my son. It doubles as an anti elopement device and gives him a safe space in case he is feeling overwhelmed., At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what’s best for you and yours. I think in an overly crowded area, no issues with tethers. I do think there’s an issue with becoming overly reliant on it. For example I know a 33 year old man whose dad still keeps him on a leash, refused to take him to any form of therapy, and essentially refers to his child as broken so there’s no point in trying anything. Not saying you’re anything like that man’s father. But I would strongly encourage talking with therapists about alternatives. If you can try to find an enclosed park in order to work on getting your child to respond when you ask them to stop running. It’s difficult but working on it is so worth it for when they’re an adult., We do, best thing we ever bought. My LO (ASD) does not like holding hands and likes to run off. Now LO can walk/run independently and we know they are safe., My 4 year old loves to elope. I used a tether today at our church's egg hunt. It allowed him to run while I comfortably in control. This is what we have: Dr.meter Toddler Leash, 2 Pack Safety Anti Lost Wrist Link with Key Lock, Reflective Child Walking Harness, 8.2ft Blue + 4.92ft Orange Kids Leash for Supermarket Mall Airport Amusement Park Zoo Travel https://a.co/d/3yxOqaC, Religiously, for years now. It's there only reasonable way to have him out of the house at all, and even then just barely., I am 100% pro-tether/harness. My son doesn’t elope and does pretty well with holding my hand, but if he didn’t I would 100% have a harness or backpack leash for him. People can stare all they want, you’re keeping your kid safe., I always get my Houdini leashes from Clover Patch Harnesses on Etsy. They clip in the back. My 6 year old.has used his for 2 years. I buy more periodically and introduce our friends to them.  Safety first. , We used to use a harness, but he's now so conditioned to holding our hands that we don't need one. I think I would have a wrist harness to his wrist (is there such a thing?), if I went into the city where it's alot busier and people walk while starting at their phones., I used to, but I can't get it on my son anymore. It worked well when he would wear it. Now he's 3.5 and if it even makes an appearance he's freaking out. It'd be easier to dress an angry alligator for afternoon tea than to get that harness on our son 😫, Leash👏🏻that👏🏻toddler!👏🏻 I hate when I feel like they are going to twist their arm off when they do not want to hold hands. Much rather have a safe kid and flip off a few Karen’s. :p, This is a great idea and I’m totally stealing it., What type of stroller did you use?, Amazon links trigger an automatic removal of the post by Reddit, FYI! This comment has been restored manually., https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DBNSQ1H?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share, I didn't know that, thank you!

Does Insurance cover Autism treatments in the US after diagnosis ?

I am in Australia and my child has Autism. We get govt support for all his therapies. My profession has a lot of opportunities in the US compared to Australia which forces me to consider moving to the US. The only thing in my way is Support for my child. Can someone from the US suggest if Autism support is covered with insurance ? Would it cover it for non US citizens ? Thank you.

Everything is dependent on the state you move to. Every state in the US basically operates as its own mini country and the federal government just oversees things like money, military national defense. So depends where you want to live. I live in mass and we have pretty good benefits here. Insurance companies are mandated to pay for services. Public school starts at 3 is free and has ABA speech and OT available with an IEP plan. Here even if you have private insurance every kid with autism qualifies for mass health which is the state insurance. If you are low income it s free, if you’re not there’s a sliding scale based on income. It can be harder to find places that take mass health but not that hard Not really sure on the immigration stipulations trying to move here, Depends on the state. Here are the laws in my state. > The state of Colorado has a specific autism mandate, which requires certain insurers to provide coverage for autism spectrum disorder. > The mandate requires all health benefit plans issued or renewed after July 1, 2010 to provide coverage for the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of autism spectrum disorders for a child. Treatments include: evaluation and assessment services; Behavior training and behavior management and applied behavior analysis; habilitative or rehabilitative care, including, but not limited to, occupational therapy, physical therapy, or speech therapy, or any combination of those therapies; pharmacy care and medication; psychiatric care; psychological care; and therapeutic care, including, but is not limited to, speech, occupational, and applied behavior analytic and physical therapies.- https://www.asha.org/advocacy/state/info/co/colorado-insurance-requirements-for-autism-spectrum-disorder/, It’s covered & you don’t even need diagnosis. My daughter was receiving OT & Speech a year before her diagnosis. Lots of kids, even those without autism may need different types of therapy., Ish?? For our insurance we are on a copay plan where ST & OT both have a $50 copay. The only thing the ASD diagnosis changed was that we don’t have a maximum amount of visits. Last year we maxed at 30 visits for each., Thank you, everyone. Just realised that I should've mentioned the state. Most likely it would be California. Based on your comments, it does seem that there is definitely coverage. Need to check Californian laws. Not sure if it would be any different to non us citizens. On a side note, I see a lot of you mention ABA. For some reason, It's not recommended here and doesn't have that much support and acceptance in the therapy sector. We tried doing ABA but our therapists were just not good so we switched to OT's and Speechies. How has your experience been with it ?, Ours does but it depends on your insurance really, Hi! I live in Texas. I can say that autism is covered under mental health services which is mandatory to be covered in some way through insurance. The tricky bit is what they decide they cover and how they code things as to what it would cost you., If you’re thinking of moving look into where your location is, it matters! I’m from rural PA and we don’t have a lot of support. Insurances mostly cover costs here but the providers and schools aren’t great, in my area at least. It seems like we have a lack of school support in general though, even for the NT kids. There’s not enough teachers to students (and they are insanely underpaid). Anytime we do any evaluations or anything we travel to Pittsburgh, so that might be worth looking into. If my personal situation was different we would definitely be moving. Someone in this sub recommended Reno, and said it’s great there. I’m lucky enough to have family in the mental health field that were able to help, I also quit my job to homeschool my son and he does a lot of virtual therapy. The virtual therapy actually works better for him since there is less distraction. His therapist’s office is in Pittsburgh as well, we just do virtual because of the distance. Both of his therapists are from the same office and are amazing. He has so many improvements recently. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!, Nationwide insurance should pay for treatments, and your child should be able to attend special ed programs in your schools from 3. What varies is the ease of accessing those services and the quality of the school services. Generally look for the blue states, most of them find education higher so there are more school options. However in many states education districts vary wildly, so it is important to find a district you think has good programs. Here's in South Carolina many specialists have waitlists, but by calling around we got in. We're in the schools, but not very sure how good it is, and we're in one of the better school districts. We are seriously thinking of pulling him out (he's going into k) so he can maybe actually learn something., Generally, the closer you are to a big city and the bluer your state, the better the options. I think we have better therapy options and access than Canada and Europe based on posts here, but only if you have insurance., In the US, ABA, OT, PT, speech therapy, etc should all be considered covered by insurance. Keep in mind that you will still pay your deductible and it may cost up to your max out of pocket for the year. Personally, for myself, my husband, and my kid, I pay over $400/month in insurance premiums to my employer and our max out of pocket is $6,000 per year (maxes of $8-14k for a family aren't unheard of either). (For political, health, and other reasons, I wouldn't move here if I had other choices), I’ve actually read that Colorado is one of the best states in the US for people with autism. Considering moving from Texas because it’s not great here., I’m in Southern California and we have some of the best services for autistic kids here! Look into the program IHSS. Depending on the severity level for your child, you can become a paid caregiver for your child. It’s really good money too. On top of that we have Medi-Cal here and it covers everything. If you make more than the income bracket for it, you can get a waiver through Regional Center which is another place to get in touch with once you move here. Lots of great services and opportunities for your child in this state., I'm also in Southern California and I will say that a lot of what you receive depends on how hard you're willing to follow up on it, knock on doors (so-to-speak) and wait. Fastest route to services: Pediatrician referral to a diagnostic psychologist who will recommend therapies. Your insurance will have a list of providers they will give coverage for and you will likely have to pay out of pocket expenses towards co-pays and deductibles depending on your insurance benefits plan coverage. School districts matter. If you move into a smaller school district near a larger city, you'll have better luck with in-classroom services and time to evaluation, Individual Education Plan writing and offer of service and accomodations. For example LA is broken up into a lot of smaller school districts, but the main is LAUSD and it's huge. Services take forever to get and they are stingy with the offers. Smaller LA districts like Burbank, Pasadena, and Glendale have more resources but are also $$$$ to live in. Which brings me to the Regional Center. This is a network of service centers paid for by state healthcare programs and is a labyrinth to navigate. However, once you're in they will help you find services and provide legal advocacy to your school district to make sure your IEP is being adhered to. It's LOTS of calling, emails, follow ups. No one from Regional is going to walk you through anything or call you just to ask of you need something or how your services are going. They're far too busy. There is a residency requirement for the Regional Centers and the school districts. Rural CA is sparse for these resources. Most people think that CA is a universally blue and affluent place, it isn't. The more east from the coast you are, the less services you'll have. Eastern and Central CA is filled with agriculture, medium to small size towns and cities that really struggle to provide adequate schools and medical facilities. Mental healthcare is almost non-existent. I'm from a small city 50 miles east of metro Los Angeles and services of any kind are scarce., i have not had this experience in TX. TX has not accepted Medicare Expansion & is ranked one of the lowest for disability benefits., We skip insurance for our kid’s therapy as it hardly covers anything and the insurance company wants to control the amount of care., This gives me a clear picture of the out of pocket expense. I guess we have been lucky so far not paying anything and being fully funded by the govt. But this might soon change as many people are getting diagnosed, and the gov overtime does start to tighten things., Cheers for the detailed overview. We're facing the same issue here with scarce services and long waits. By the sounds of it, it might be worth me popping over first to suss things out before committing to the move. We made the mistake of relocating interstate and then returning within the same year, which was a waste of a lot of my kids' time. Here, waiting lists are just a way to give you false hope. They never actually get around calling you back., It is. I’m not saying it has been cheap. I owe the ABA center $10k but I’m just doing my best for my son. TX is indeed ranked the lowest in the country. If I have the ability to move states in the future I will., Everything is dependent on the state you move to. Every state in the US basically operates as its own mini country and the federal government just oversees things like money, military national defense. So depends where you want to live. I live in mass and we have pretty good benefits here. Insurance companies are mandated to pay for services. Public school starts at 3 is free and has ABA speech and OT available with an IEP plan. Here even if you have private insurance every kid with autism qualifies for mass health which is the state insurance. If you are low income it s free, if you’re not there’s a sliding scale based on income. It can be harder to find places that take mass health but not that hard Not really sure on the immigration stipulations trying to move here, Depends on the state. Here are the laws in my state. > The state of Colorado has a specific autism mandate, which requires certain insurers to provide coverage for autism spectrum disorder. > The mandate requires all health benefit plans issued or renewed after July 1, 2010 to provide coverage for the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of autism spectrum disorders for a child. Treatments include: evaluation and assessment services; Behavior training and behavior management and applied behavior analysis; habilitative or rehabilitative care, including, but not limited to, occupational therapy, physical therapy, or speech therapy, or any combination of those therapies; pharmacy care and medication; psychiatric care; psychological care; and therapeutic care, including, but is not limited to, speech, occupational, and applied behavior analytic and physical therapies.- https://www.asha.org/advocacy/state/info/co/colorado-insurance-requirements-for-autism-spectrum-disorder/, It’s covered & you don’t even need diagnosis. My daughter was receiving OT & Speech a year before her diagnosis. Lots of kids, even those without autism may need different types of therapy., Ish?? For our insurance we are on a copay plan where ST & OT both have a $50 copay. The only thing the ASD diagnosis changed was that we don’t have a maximum amount of visits. Last year we maxed at 30 visits for each., Thank you, everyone. Just realised that I should've mentioned the state. Most likely it would be California. Based on your comments, it does seem that there is definitely coverage. Need to check Californian laws. Not sure if it would be any different to non us citizens. On a side note, I see a lot of you mention ABA. For some reason, It's not recommended here and doesn't have that much support and acceptance in the therapy sector. We tried doing ABA but our therapists were just not good so we switched to OT's and Speechies. How has your experience been with it ?, Ours does but it depends on your insurance really, Hi! I live in Texas. I can say that autism is covered under mental health services which is mandatory to be covered in some way through insurance. The tricky bit is what they decide they cover and how they code things as to what it would cost you., If you’re thinking of moving look into where your location is, it matters! I’m from rural PA and we don’t have a lot of support. Insurances mostly cover costs here but the providers and schools aren’t great, in my area at least. It seems like we have a lack of school support in general though, even for the NT kids. There’s not enough teachers to students (and they are insanely underpaid). Anytime we do any evaluations or anything we travel to Pittsburgh, so that might be worth looking into. If my personal situation was different we would definitely be moving. Someone in this sub recommended Reno, and said it’s great there. I’m lucky enough to have family in the mental health field that were able to help, I also quit my job to homeschool my son and he does a lot of virtual therapy. The virtual therapy actually works better for him since there is less distraction. His therapist’s office is in Pittsburgh as well, we just do virtual because of the distance. Both of his therapists are from the same office and are amazing. He has so many improvements recently. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!, Nationwide insurance should pay for treatments, and your child should be able to attend special ed programs in your schools from 3. What varies is the ease of accessing those services and the quality of the school services. Generally look for the blue states, most of them find education higher so there are more school options. However in many states education districts vary wildly, so it is important to find a district you think has good programs. Here's in South Carolina many specialists have waitlists, but by calling around we got in. We're in the schools, but not very sure how good it is, and we're in one of the better school districts. We are seriously thinking of pulling him out (he's going into k) so he can maybe actually learn something., Generally, the closer you are to a big city and the bluer your state, the better the options. I think we have better therapy options and access than Canada and Europe based on posts here, but only if you have insurance., In the US, ABA, OT, PT, speech therapy, etc should all be considered covered by insurance. Keep in mind that you will still pay your deductible and it may cost up to your max out of pocket for the year. Personally, for myself, my husband, and my kid, I pay over $400/month in insurance premiums to my employer and our max out of pocket is $6,000 per year (maxes of $8-14k for a family aren't unheard of either). (For political, health, and other reasons, I wouldn't move here if I had other choices), I’ve actually read that Colorado is one of the best states in the US for people with autism. Considering moving from Texas because it’s not great here., I’m in Southern California and we have some of the best services for autistic kids here! Look into the program IHSS. Depending on the severity level for your child, you can become a paid caregiver for your child. It’s really good money too. On top of that we have Medi-Cal here and it covers everything. If you make more than the income bracket for it, you can get a waiver through Regional Center which is another place to get in touch with once you move here. Lots of great services and opportunities for your child in this state., I'm also in Southern California and I will say that a lot of what you receive depends on how hard you're willing to follow up on it, knock on doors (so-to-speak) and wait. Fastest route to services: Pediatrician referral to a diagnostic psychologist who will recommend therapies. Your insurance will have a list of providers they will give coverage for and you will likely have to pay out of pocket expenses towards co-pays and deductibles depending on your insurance benefits plan coverage. School districts matter. If you move into a smaller school district near a larger city, you'll have better luck with in-classroom services and time to evaluation, Individual Education Plan writing and offer of service and accomodations. For example LA is broken up into a lot of smaller school districts, but the main is LAUSD and it's huge. Services take forever to get and they are stingy with the offers. Smaller LA districts like Burbank, Pasadena, and Glendale have more resources but are also $$$$ to live in. Which brings me to the Regional Center. This is a network of service centers paid for by state healthcare programs and is a labyrinth to navigate. However, once you're in they will help you find services and provide legal advocacy to your school district to make sure your IEP is being adhered to. It's LOTS of calling, emails, follow ups. No one from Regional is going to walk you through anything or call you just to ask of you need something or how your services are going. They're far too busy. There is a residency requirement for the Regional Centers and the school districts. Rural CA is sparse for these resources. Most people think that CA is a universally blue and affluent place, it isn't. The more east from the coast you are, the less services you'll have. Eastern and Central CA is filled with agriculture, medium to small size towns and cities that really struggle to provide adequate schools and medical facilities. Mental healthcare is almost non-existent. I'm from a small city 50 miles east of metro Los Angeles and services of any kind are scarce., i have not had this experience in TX. TX has not accepted Medicare Expansion & is ranked one of the lowest for disability benefits., We skip insurance for our kid’s therapy as it hardly covers anything and the insurance company wants to control the amount of care., This gives me a clear picture of the out of pocket expense. I guess we have been lucky so far not paying anything and being fully funded by the govt. But this might soon change as many people are getting diagnosed, and the gov overtime does start to tighten things., Cheers for the detailed overview. We're facing the same issue here with scarce services and long waits. By the sounds of it, it might be worth me popping over first to suss things out before committing to the move. We made the mistake of relocating interstate and then returning within the same year, which was a waste of a lot of my kids' time. Here, waiting lists are just a way to give you false hope. They never actually get around calling you back., It is. I’m not saying it has been cheap. I owe the ABA center $10k but I’m just doing my best for my son. TX is indeed ranked the lowest in the country. If I have the ability to move states in the future I will., Everything is dependent on the state you move to. Every state in the US basically operates as its own mini country and the federal government just oversees things like money, military national defense. So depends where you want to live. I live in mass and we have pretty good benefits here. Insurance companies are mandated to pay for services. Public school starts at 3 is free and has ABA speech and OT available with an IEP plan. Here even if you have private insurance every kid with autism qualifies for mass health which is the state insurance. If you are low income it s free, if you’re not there’s a sliding scale based on income. It can be harder to find places that take mass health but not that hard Not really sure on the immigration stipulations trying to move here, Depends on the state. Here are the laws in my state. > The state of Colorado has a specific autism mandate, which requires certain insurers to provide coverage for autism spectrum disorder. > The mandate requires all health benefit plans issued or renewed after July 1, 2010 to provide coverage for the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of autism spectrum disorders for a child. Treatments include: evaluation and assessment services; Behavior training and behavior management and applied behavior analysis; habilitative or rehabilitative care, including, but not limited to, occupational therapy, physical therapy, or speech therapy, or any combination of those therapies; pharmacy care and medication; psychiatric care; psychological care; and therapeutic care, including, but is not limited to, speech, occupational, and applied behavior analytic and physical therapies.- https://www.asha.org/advocacy/state/info/co/colorado-insurance-requirements-for-autism-spectrum-disorder/, It’s covered & you don’t even need diagnosis. My daughter was receiving OT & Speech a year before her diagnosis. Lots of kids, even those without autism may need different types of therapy., Ish?? For our insurance we are on a copay plan where ST & OT both have a $50 copay. The only thing the ASD diagnosis changed was that we don’t have a maximum amount of visits. Last year we maxed at 30 visits for each., Thank you, everyone. Just realised that I should've mentioned the state. Most likely it would be California. Based on your comments, it does seem that there is definitely coverage. Need to check Californian laws. Not sure if it would be any different to non us citizens. On a side note, I see a lot of you mention ABA. For some reason, It's not recommended here and doesn't have that much support and acceptance in the therapy sector. We tried doing ABA but our therapists were just not good so we switched to OT's and Speechies. How has your experience been with it ?, Ours does but it depends on your insurance really, Hi! I live in Texas. I can say that autism is covered under mental health services which is mandatory to be covered in some way through insurance. The tricky bit is what they decide they cover and how they code things as to what it would cost you., If you’re thinking of moving look into where your location is, it matters! I’m from rural PA and we don’t have a lot of support. Insurances mostly cover costs here but the providers and schools aren’t great, in my area at least. It seems like we have a lack of school support in general though, even for the NT kids. There’s not enough teachers to students (and they are insanely underpaid). Anytime we do any evaluations or anything we travel to Pittsburgh, so that might be worth looking into. If my personal situation was different we would definitely be moving. Someone in this sub recommended Reno, and said it’s great there. I’m lucky enough to have family in the mental health field that were able to help, I also quit my job to homeschool my son and he does a lot of virtual therapy. The virtual therapy actually works better for him since there is less distraction. His therapist’s office is in Pittsburgh as well, we just do virtual because of the distance. Both of his therapists are from the same office and are amazing. He has so many improvements recently. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!, Nationwide insurance should pay for treatments, and your child should be able to attend special ed programs in your schools from 3. What varies is the ease of accessing those services and the quality of the school services. Generally look for the blue states, most of them find education higher so there are more school options. However in many states education districts vary wildly, so it is important to find a district you think has good programs. Here's in South Carolina many specialists have waitlists, but by calling around we got in. We're in the schools, but not very sure how good it is, and we're in one of the better school districts. We are seriously thinking of pulling him out (he's going into k) so he can maybe actually learn something., Generally, the closer you are to a big city and the bluer your state, the better the options. I think we have better therapy options and access than Canada and Europe based on posts here, but only if you have insurance., In the US, ABA, OT, PT, speech therapy, etc should all be considered covered by insurance. Keep in mind that you will still pay your deductible and it may cost up to your max out of pocket for the year. Personally, for myself, my husband, and my kid, I pay over $400/month in insurance premiums to my employer and our max out of pocket is $6,000 per year (maxes of $8-14k for a family aren't unheard of either). (For political, health, and other reasons, I wouldn't move here if I had other choices), I’ve actually read that Colorado is one of the best states in the US for people with autism. Considering moving from Texas because it’s not great here., I’m in Southern California and we have some of the best services for autistic kids here! Look into the program IHSS. Depending on the severity level for your child, you can become a paid caregiver for your child. It’s really good money too. On top of that we have Medi-Cal here and it covers everything. If you make more than the income bracket for it, you can get a waiver through Regional Center which is another place to get in touch with once you move here. Lots of great services and opportunities for your child in this state., I'm also in Southern California and I will say that a lot of what you receive depends on how hard you're willing to follow up on it, knock on doors (so-to-speak) and wait. Fastest route to services: Pediatrician referral to a diagnostic psychologist who will recommend therapies. Your insurance will have a list of providers they will give coverage for and you will likely have to pay out of pocket expenses towards co-pays and deductibles depending on your insurance benefits plan coverage. School districts matter. If you move into a smaller school district near a larger city, you'll have better luck with in-classroom services and time to evaluation, Individual Education Plan writing and offer of service and accomodations. For example LA is broken up into a lot of smaller school districts, but the main is LAUSD and it's huge. Services take forever to get and they are stingy with the offers. Smaller LA districts like Burbank, Pasadena, and Glendale have more resources but are also $$$$ to live in. Which brings me to the Regional Center. This is a network of service centers paid for by state healthcare programs and is a labyrinth to navigate. However, once you're in they will help you find services and provide legal advocacy to your school district to make sure your IEP is being adhered to. It's LOTS of calling, emails, follow ups. No one from Regional is going to walk you through anything or call you just to ask of you need something or how your services are going. They're far too busy. There is a residency requirement for the Regional Centers and the school districts. Rural CA is sparse for these resources. Most people think that CA is a universally blue and affluent place, it isn't. The more east from the coast you are, the less services you'll have. Eastern and Central CA is filled with agriculture, medium to small size towns and cities that really struggle to provide adequate schools and medical facilities. Mental healthcare is almost non-existent. I'm from a small city 50 miles east of metro Los Angeles and services of any kind are scarce., i have not had this experience in TX. TX has not accepted Medicare Expansion & is ranked one of the lowest for disability benefits., We skip insurance for our kid’s therapy as it hardly covers anything and the insurance company wants to control the amount of care., This gives me a clear picture of the out of pocket expense. I guess we have been lucky so far not paying anything and being fully funded by the govt. But this might soon change as many people are getting diagnosed, and the gov overtime does start to tighten things., Cheers for the detailed overview. We're facing the same issue here with scarce services and long waits. By the sounds of it, it might be worth me popping over first to suss things out before committing to the move. We made the mistake of relocating interstate and then returning within the same year, which was a waste of a lot of my kids' time. Here, waiting lists are just a way to give you false hope. They never actually get around calling you back., It is. I’m not saying it has been cheap. I owe the ABA center $10k but I’m just doing my best for my son. TX is indeed ranked the lowest in the country. If I have the ability to move states in the future I will., Everything is dependent on the state you move to. Every state in the US basically operates as its own mini country and the federal government just oversees things like money, military national defense. So depends where you want to live. I live in mass and we have pretty good benefits here. Insurance companies are mandated to pay for services. Public school starts at 3 is free and has ABA speech and OT available with an IEP plan. Here even if you have private insurance every kid with autism qualifies for mass health which is the state insurance. If you are low income it s free, if you’re not there’s a sliding scale based on income. It can be harder to find places that take mass health but not that hard Not really sure on the immigration stipulations trying to move here, Depends on the state. Here are the laws in my state. > The state of Colorado has a specific autism mandate, which requires certain insurers to provide coverage for autism spectrum disorder. > The mandate requires all health benefit plans issued or renewed after July 1, 2010 to provide coverage for the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of autism spectrum disorders for a child. Treatments include: evaluation and assessment services; Behavior training and behavior management and applied behavior analysis; habilitative or rehabilitative care, including, but not limited to, occupational therapy, physical therapy, or speech therapy, or any combination of those therapies; pharmacy care and medication; psychiatric care; psychological care; and therapeutic care, including, but is not limited to, speech, occupational, and applied behavior analytic and physical therapies.- https://www.asha.org/advocacy/state/info/co/colorado-insurance-requirements-for-autism-spectrum-disorder/, It’s covered & you don’t even need diagnosis. My daughter was receiving OT & Speech a year before her diagnosis. Lots of kids, even those without autism may need different types of therapy., Ish?? For our insurance we are on a copay plan where ST & OT both have a $50 copay. The only thing the ASD diagnosis changed was that we don’t have a maximum amount of visits. Last year we maxed at 30 visits for each., Thank you, everyone. Just realised that I should've mentioned the state. Most likely it would be California. Based on your comments, it does seem that there is definitely coverage. Need to check Californian laws. Not sure if it would be any different to non us citizens. On a side note, I see a lot of you mention ABA. For some reason, It's not recommended here and doesn't have that much support and acceptance in the therapy sector. We tried doing ABA but our therapists were just not good so we switched to OT's and Speechies. How has your experience been with it ?, Ours does but it depends on your insurance really, Hi! I live in Texas. I can say that autism is covered under mental health services which is mandatory to be covered in some way through insurance. The tricky bit is what they decide they cover and how they code things as to what it would cost you., If you’re thinking of moving look into where your location is, it matters! I’m from rural PA and we don’t have a lot of support. Insurances mostly cover costs here but the providers and schools aren’t great, in my area at least. It seems like we have a lack of school support in general though, even for the NT kids. There’s not enough teachers to students (and they are insanely underpaid). Anytime we do any evaluations or anything we travel to Pittsburgh, so that might be worth looking into. If my personal situation was different we would definitely be moving. Someone in this sub recommended Reno, and said it’s great there. I’m lucky enough to have family in the mental health field that were able to help, I also quit my job to homeschool my son and he does a lot of virtual therapy. The virtual therapy actually works better for him since there is less distraction. His therapist’s office is in Pittsburgh as well, we just do virtual because of the distance. Both of his therapists are from the same office and are amazing. He has so many improvements recently. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!, Nationwide insurance should pay for treatments, and your child should be able to attend special ed programs in your schools from 3. What varies is the ease of accessing those services and the quality of the school services. Generally look for the blue states, most of them find education higher so there are more school options. However in many states education districts vary wildly, so it is important to find a district you think has good programs. Here's in South Carolina many specialists have waitlists, but by calling around we got in. We're in the schools, but not very sure how good it is, and we're in one of the better school districts. We are seriously thinking of pulling him out (he's going into k) so he can maybe actually learn something., Generally, the closer you are to a big city and the bluer your state, the better the options. I think we have better therapy options and access than Canada and Europe based on posts here, but only if you have insurance., In the US, ABA, OT, PT, speech therapy, etc should all be considered covered by insurance. Keep in mind that you will still pay your deductible and it may cost up to your max out of pocket for the year. Personally, for myself, my husband, and my kid, I pay over $400/month in insurance premiums to my employer and our max out of pocket is $6,000 per year (maxes of $8-14k for a family aren't unheard of either). (For political, health, and other reasons, I wouldn't move here if I had other choices), I’ve actually read that Colorado is one of the best states in the US for people with autism. Considering moving from Texas because it’s not great here., I’m in Southern California and we have some of the best services for autistic kids here! Look into the program IHSS. Depending on the severity level for your child, you can become a paid caregiver for your child. It’s really good money too. On top of that we have Medi-Cal here and it covers everything. If you make more than the income bracket for it, you can get a waiver through Regional Center which is another place to get in touch with once you move here. Lots of great services and opportunities for your child in this state., I'm also in Southern California and I will say that a lot of what you receive depends on how hard you're willing to follow up on it, knock on doors (so-to-speak) and wait. Fastest route to services: Pediatrician referral to a diagnostic psychologist who will recommend therapies. Your insurance will have a list of providers they will give coverage for and you will likely have to pay out of pocket expenses towards co-pays and deductibles depending on your insurance benefits plan coverage. School districts matter. If you move into a smaller school district near a larger city, you'll have better luck with in-classroom services and time to evaluation, Individual Education Plan writing and offer of service and accomodations. For example LA is broken up into a lot of smaller school districts, but the main is LAUSD and it's huge. Services take forever to get and they are stingy with the offers. Smaller LA districts like Burbank, Pasadena, and Glendale have more resources but are also $$$$ to live in. Which brings me to the Regional Center. This is a network of service centers paid for by state healthcare programs and is a labyrinth to navigate. However, once you're in they will help you find services and provide legal advocacy to your school district to make sure your IEP is being adhered to. It's LOTS of calling, emails, follow ups. No one from Regional is going to walk you through anything or call you just to ask of you need something or how your services are going. They're far too busy. There is a residency requirement for the Regional Centers and the school districts. Rural CA is sparse for these resources. Most people think that CA is a universally blue and affluent place, it isn't. The more east from the coast you are, the less services you'll have. Eastern and Central CA is filled with agriculture, medium to small size towns and cities that really struggle to provide adequate schools and medical facilities. Mental healthcare is almost non-existent. I'm from a small city 50 miles east of metro Los Angeles and services of any kind are scarce., i have not had this experience in TX. TX has not accepted Medicare Expansion & is ranked one of the lowest for disability benefits., We skip insurance for our kid’s therapy as it hardly covers anything and the insurance company wants to control the amount of care., This gives me a clear picture of the out of pocket expense. I guess we have been lucky so far not paying anything and being fully funded by the govt. But this might soon change as many people are getting diagnosed, and the gov overtime does start to tighten things., Cheers for the detailed overview. We're facing the same issue here with scarce services and long waits. By the sounds of it, it might be worth me popping over first to suss things out before committing to the move. We made the mistake of relocating interstate and then returning within the same year, which was a waste of a lot of my kids' time. Here, waiting lists are just a way to give you false hope. They never actually get around calling you back., It is. I’m not saying it has been cheap. I owe the ABA center $10k but I’m just doing my best for my son. TX is indeed ranked the lowest in the country. If I have the ability to move states in the future I will.

Does anyone else hate class trips?

It’s not the other kids it’s the other parents, why do people suck? One of the parents commented on a level 2 autistic child “I wouldn’t have the patience for that” meanwhile he’s not realizing my level one kid is only sitting calmly beside me because he’s obsessed with vehicles and he has been awol all day. People are dicks and I hope karma comes around to them. Not sorry.

Those are the worst types of comments. Like, they made a choice and that is why their kid is not autistic? They checked the right form on the box and they decided no autism for us, thank you?  And yeah, school trips. Ugh. Some parents of typical kids get it, but there are so many who think all the stuff their kids do (or don’t do) is because of their  Great Parenting. So glad I had my autistic kid first so I could avoid being an asshole! , I know how you feel. It's easy to judge what you haven't experienced., Like yeah Lisa you wouldn’t and that’s why your NT kid despises that you’re chaperoning this trip…you don’t bother to have the patience and tenacity for your OWN situation…if you did you would have took the time to learn compassion and kindness. It’s hard to see it in the moment but those nasty comments are just projections of how others feel regarding their own personal situations…it’s nothing to do with us. People who truly love their lives are kind no matter what and those who are truly miserable will make tasteless comments. The attitudes/mindsets we choose to adopt will be projected onto every person place and thing that we interact with. Sorry you had to hear this comment…wishing you peace and unshakeable confidence and happiness.!, My son is going on his first class trip next week. It’s a local children’s museum he’s been to a bunch already and it’s only with the other special Ed kids… so I hope all goes smoothly…. It’ll def be an overstimulating day for sure, What a 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬. Sorry that you even heard that., I won't even hang around "outside of my circle" parents. That includes standing near them at parks / events etc. My kids dreaded field trips, so I never forced them to go. I even noped out on doing the "socialize" during pickup thing as well. They all seemed fake, judgy, and straight up arrogant. And having my ASD kids acting outside of the norm cause all eyes to target me / them. People are in fact dicks. But I simply don't have the patience or time to be around them., Yeah I get it. It sucks. My kid is 6 and so class trips are just starting for us but yeah. The passive aggressive comments are bull crap. Honestly when I can I just let them know a way or another I’ve heard them and usually that makes them leave us alone but sometimes…, Sorry 🙁💜, I just feel like if the child has a bald head from chemo no one would point and say “I just don’t have the patience for that” or if they had needles for insulin, or if they had a colostomy bag, or a wheelchair. All things that could also be genetic. I will never understand why brain differences are so taboo., Same. Im doing my best to work on it but it’s so hard for me to see parents of NTs as true parents and not just financial providers and protectors. I’m convinced most parents of NTs are under the very deceiving spell that their NT kids are “great” bc they taught them to be and not simply because they evolved naturally on their own. Likeeeee Mrs. Pam…do you *really* think little 4 year old Johnny is sitting still and *behaving* bc of YOUR teaching skills? and not bc he was simply wired to naturally develop pointing and conventional speech on a neurotypical timeline with no therapy??? Do you *really* think your kids were potty trained in a single weekend bc YOU were a great and patient groundbreaking parent/teacher? And not because those NT kids were naturally wired to simply just *get it*??? Some parents of NTs need to get a clue and learn themselves some compassion and zippedlip skills., It just makes me sad there’s no empathy, and then the children in turn have no empathy., Because autism shows in the behaviours. "They seem healthy but why are they so stubborn or causing mischiefs?" Which the typical parents deem as 'bad' behaviours, or 'no manners'. They thought it's easy to control, because their children can have 'good manners'. So they might think, "why can't these autistic children behave, when my children have no problem in behaving?" So they might think it's because of bad parenting. Hmmm invisible disability kinda sucks. Difficult to explain, and no guarantee people will be convinced either. Many will see it as excuses only., Yeah, and what do they think the alternative is? Dropping them off at the fire station?, I feel this 100%. My youngest is NT and she day trained and night trained in a couple days when she was 2. She has been speaking in full sentences since she was 1. The way she uses language, mimics actions and problem solves is like wow. And I had very little to do with that. She is just developing typically. I was the most lazy, stressed out parent when she was an infant (dealing with the new diagnosis of her brother). 90% of the reason why she’s able to do these things is…. Because she’s developing typically. My oldest has ASD. I did everything perfectly while he was in utero and throughout his early years. I was a bonafide dietician, speech therapist, doctor, MsRachel impersonator… you name it. He struggles immensely with speech, activities of daily living and developmentally appropriate activities. And it’s not because of anything I did. His brain works differently and he’s figuring it out. NT families that have only ever seen NT people in their families don’t get it. They are under the spell like you said., This. Amazing explanation, Yea it can be hard sometimes. Try and take it one day at a time, one event at a time, one struggle at a time. All we can do is keep up the struggle. I wish I was a religious person sometimes. It would make it easier to take if I knew there was a plan. But we each must cope as best we can. I feel for you, I've been in dark places like you are now. But don't give up, you will feel happiness again even if it seems impossible now., I’m so grateful there are parents like you who acknowledge the difference.🥲, lol, yep. My second (NT) kid potty trained himself in a few days. He does all the stuff, because he can and that is how most kids work, how they are wired naturally to keep them safe and so they can learn. Not, and I stress, NOT because I am a super amazing mom. I mean, I’m a nice, good mom to both my kids (most of the time/I think) but that doesn’t mean jack shit when you are dealing with someone who is just wired differently. , Those are the worst types of comments. Like, they made a choice and that is why their kid is not autistic? They checked the right form on the box and they decided no autism for us, thank you?  And yeah, school trips. Ugh. Some parents of typical kids get it, but there are so many who think all the stuff their kids do (or don’t do) is because of their  Great Parenting. So glad I had my autistic kid first so I could avoid being an asshole! , I know how you feel. It's easy to judge what you haven't experienced., Like yeah Lisa you wouldn’t and that’s why your NT kid despises that you’re chaperoning this trip…you don’t bother to have the patience and tenacity for your OWN situation…if you did you would have took the time to learn compassion and kindness. It’s hard to see it in the moment but those nasty comments are just projections of how others feel regarding their own personal situations…it’s nothing to do with us. People who truly love their lives are kind no matter what and those who are truly miserable will make tasteless comments. The attitudes/mindsets we choose to adopt will be projected onto every person place and thing that we interact with. Sorry you had to hear this comment…wishing you peace and unshakeable confidence and happiness.!, My son is going on his first class trip next week. It’s a local children’s museum he’s been to a bunch already and it’s only with the other special Ed kids… so I hope all goes smoothly…. It’ll def be an overstimulating day for sure, What a 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬. Sorry that you even heard that., I won't even hang around "outside of my circle" parents. That includes standing near them at parks / events etc. My kids dreaded field trips, so I never forced them to go. I even noped out on doing the "socialize" during pickup thing as well. They all seemed fake, judgy, and straight up arrogant. And having my ASD kids acting outside of the norm cause all eyes to target me / them. People are in fact dicks. But I simply don't have the patience or time to be around them., Yeah I get it. It sucks. My kid is 6 and so class trips are just starting for us but yeah. The passive aggressive comments are bull crap. Honestly when I can I just let them know a way or another I’ve heard them and usually that makes them leave us alone but sometimes…, Sorry 🙁💜, I just feel like if the child has a bald head from chemo no one would point and say “I just don’t have the patience for that” or if they had needles for insulin, or if they had a colostomy bag, or a wheelchair. All things that could also be genetic. I will never understand why brain differences are so taboo., Same. Im doing my best to work on it but it’s so hard for me to see parents of NTs as true parents and not just financial providers and protectors. I’m convinced most parents of NTs are under the very deceiving spell that their NT kids are “great” bc they taught them to be and not simply because they evolved naturally on their own. Likeeeee Mrs. Pam…do you *really* think little 4 year old Johnny is sitting still and *behaving* bc of YOUR teaching skills? and not bc he was simply wired to naturally develop pointing and conventional speech on a neurotypical timeline with no therapy??? Do you *really* think your kids were potty trained in a single weekend bc YOU were a great and patient groundbreaking parent/teacher? And not because those NT kids were naturally wired to simply just *get it*??? Some parents of NTs need to get a clue and learn themselves some compassion and zippedlip skills., It just makes me sad there’s no empathy, and then the children in turn have no empathy., Because autism shows in the behaviours. "They seem healthy but why are they so stubborn or causing mischiefs?" Which the typical parents deem as 'bad' behaviours, or 'no manners'. They thought it's easy to control, because their children can have 'good manners'. So they might think, "why can't these autistic children behave, when my children have no problem in behaving?" So they might think it's because of bad parenting. Hmmm invisible disability kinda sucks. Difficult to explain, and no guarantee people will be convinced either. Many will see it as excuses only., Yeah, and what do they think the alternative is? Dropping them off at the fire station?, I feel this 100%. My youngest is NT and she day trained and night trained in a couple days when she was 2. She has been speaking in full sentences since she was 1. The way she uses language, mimics actions and problem solves is like wow. And I had very little to do with that. She is just developing typically. I was the most lazy, stressed out parent when she was an infant (dealing with the new diagnosis of her brother). 90% of the reason why she’s able to do these things is…. Because she’s developing typically. My oldest has ASD. I did everything perfectly while he was in utero and throughout his early years. I was a bonafide dietician, speech therapist, doctor, MsRachel impersonator… you name it. He struggles immensely with speech, activities of daily living and developmentally appropriate activities. And it’s not because of anything I did. His brain works differently and he’s figuring it out. NT families that have only ever seen NT people in their families don’t get it. They are under the spell like you said., This. Amazing explanation, Yea it can be hard sometimes. Try and take it one day at a time, one event at a time, one struggle at a time. All we can do is keep up the struggle. I wish I was a religious person sometimes. It would make it easier to take if I knew there was a plan. But we each must cope as best we can. I feel for you, I've been in dark places like you are now. But don't give up, you will feel happiness again even if it seems impossible now., I’m so grateful there are parents like you who acknowledge the difference.🥲, lol, yep. My second (NT) kid potty trained himself in a few days. He does all the stuff, because he can and that is how most kids work, how they are wired naturally to keep them safe and so they can learn. Not, and I stress, NOT because I am a super amazing mom. I mean, I’m a nice, good mom to both my kids (most of the time/I think) but that doesn’t mean jack shit when you are dealing with someone who is just wired differently. , Those are the worst types of comments. Like, they made a choice and that is why their kid is not autistic? They checked the right form on the box and they decided no autism for us, thank you?  And yeah, school trips. Ugh. Some parents of typical kids get it, but there are so many who think all the stuff their kids do (or don’t do) is because of their  Great Parenting. So glad I had my autistic kid first so I could avoid being an asshole! , I know how you feel. It's easy to judge what you haven't experienced., Like yeah Lisa you wouldn’t and that’s why your NT kid despises that you’re chaperoning this trip…you don’t bother to have the patience and tenacity for your OWN situation…if you did you would have took the time to learn compassion and kindness. It’s hard to see it in the moment but those nasty comments are just projections of how others feel regarding their own personal situations…it’s nothing to do with us. People who truly love their lives are kind no matter what and those who are truly miserable will make tasteless comments. The attitudes/mindsets we choose to adopt will be projected onto every person place and thing that we interact with. Sorry you had to hear this comment…wishing you peace and unshakeable confidence and happiness.!, My son is going on his first class trip next week. It’s a local children’s museum he’s been to a bunch already and it’s only with the other special Ed kids… so I hope all goes smoothly…. It’ll def be an overstimulating day for sure, What a 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬. Sorry that you even heard that., I won't even hang around "outside of my circle" parents. That includes standing near them at parks / events etc. My kids dreaded field trips, so I never forced them to go. I even noped out on doing the "socialize" during pickup thing as well. They all seemed fake, judgy, and straight up arrogant. And having my ASD kids acting outside of the norm cause all eyes to target me / them. People are in fact dicks. But I simply don't have the patience or time to be around them., Yeah I get it. It sucks. My kid is 6 and so class trips are just starting for us but yeah. The passive aggressive comments are bull crap. Honestly when I can I just let them know a way or another I’ve heard them and usually that makes them leave us alone but sometimes…, Sorry 🙁💜, I just feel like if the child has a bald head from chemo no one would point and say “I just don’t have the patience for that” or if they had needles for insulin, or if they had a colostomy bag, or a wheelchair. All things that could also be genetic. I will never understand why brain differences are so taboo., Same. Im doing my best to work on it but it’s so hard for me to see parents of NTs as true parents and not just financial providers and protectors. I’m convinced most parents of NTs are under the very deceiving spell that their NT kids are “great” bc they taught them to be and not simply because they evolved naturally on their own. Likeeeee Mrs. Pam…do you *really* think little 4 year old Johnny is sitting still and *behaving* bc of YOUR teaching skills? and not bc he was simply wired to naturally develop pointing and conventional speech on a neurotypical timeline with no therapy??? Do you *really* think your kids were potty trained in a single weekend bc YOU were a great and patient groundbreaking parent/teacher? And not because those NT kids were naturally wired to simply just *get it*??? Some parents of NTs need to get a clue and learn themselves some compassion and zippedlip skills., It just makes me sad there’s no empathy, and then the children in turn have no empathy., Because autism shows in the behaviours. "They seem healthy but why are they so stubborn or causing mischiefs?" Which the typical parents deem as 'bad' behaviours, or 'no manners'. They thought it's easy to control, because their children can have 'good manners'. So they might think, "why can't these autistic children behave, when my children have no problem in behaving?" So they might think it's because of bad parenting. Hmmm invisible disability kinda sucks. Difficult to explain, and no guarantee people will be convinced either. Many will see it as excuses only., Yeah, and what do they think the alternative is? Dropping them off at the fire station?, I feel this 100%. My youngest is NT and she day trained and night trained in a couple days when she was 2. She has been speaking in full sentences since she was 1. The way she uses language, mimics actions and problem solves is like wow. And I had very little to do with that. She is just developing typically. I was the most lazy, stressed out parent when she was an infant (dealing with the new diagnosis of her brother). 90% of the reason why she’s able to do these things is…. Because she’s developing typically. My oldest has ASD. I did everything perfectly while he was in utero and throughout his early years. I was a bonafide dietician, speech therapist, doctor, MsRachel impersonator… you name it. He struggles immensely with speech, activities of daily living and developmentally appropriate activities. And it’s not because of anything I did. His brain works differently and he’s figuring it out. NT families that have only ever seen NT people in their families don’t get it. They are under the spell like you said., This. Amazing explanation, Yea it can be hard sometimes. Try and take it one day at a time, one event at a time, one struggle at a time. All we can do is keep up the struggle. I wish I was a religious person sometimes. It would make it easier to take if I knew there was a plan. But we each must cope as best we can. I feel for you, I've been in dark places like you are now. But don't give up, you will feel happiness again even if it seems impossible now., I’m so grateful there are parents like you who acknowledge the difference.🥲, lol, yep. My second (NT) kid potty trained himself in a few days. He does all the stuff, because he can and that is how most kids work, how they are wired naturally to keep them safe and so they can learn. Not, and I stress, NOT because I am a super amazing mom. I mean, I’m a nice, good mom to both my kids (most of the time/I think) but that doesn’t mean jack shit when you are dealing with someone who is just wired differently. , Those are the worst types of comments. Like, they made a choice and that is why their kid is not autistic? They checked the right form on the box and they decided no autism for us, thank you?  And yeah, school trips. Ugh. Some parents of typical kids get it, but there are so many who think all the stuff their kids do (or don’t do) is because of their  Great Parenting. So glad I had my autistic kid first so I could avoid being an asshole! , I know how you feel. It's easy to judge what you haven't experienced., Like yeah Lisa you wouldn’t and that’s why your NT kid despises that you’re chaperoning this trip…you don’t bother to have the patience and tenacity for your OWN situation…if you did you would have took the time to learn compassion and kindness. It’s hard to see it in the moment but those nasty comments are just projections of how others feel regarding their own personal situations…it’s nothing to do with us. People who truly love their lives are kind no matter what and those who are truly miserable will make tasteless comments. The attitudes/mindsets we choose to adopt will be projected onto every person place and thing that we interact with. Sorry you had to hear this comment…wishing you peace and unshakeable confidence and happiness.!, My son is going on his first class trip next week. It’s a local children’s museum he’s been to a bunch already and it’s only with the other special Ed kids… so I hope all goes smoothly…. It’ll def be an overstimulating day for sure, What a 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬. Sorry that you even heard that., I won't even hang around "outside of my circle" parents. That includes standing near them at parks / events etc. My kids dreaded field trips, so I never forced them to go. I even noped out on doing the "socialize" during pickup thing as well. They all seemed fake, judgy, and straight up arrogant. And having my ASD kids acting outside of the norm cause all eyes to target me / them. People are in fact dicks. But I simply don't have the patience or time to be around them., Yeah I get it. It sucks. My kid is 6 and so class trips are just starting for us but yeah. The passive aggressive comments are bull crap. Honestly when I can I just let them know a way or another I’ve heard them and usually that makes them leave us alone but sometimes…, Sorry 🙁💜, I just feel like if the child has a bald head from chemo no one would point and say “I just don’t have the patience for that” or if they had needles for insulin, or if they had a colostomy bag, or a wheelchair. All things that could also be genetic. I will never understand why brain differences are so taboo., Same. Im doing my best to work on it but it’s so hard for me to see parents of NTs as true parents and not just financial providers and protectors. I’m convinced most parents of NTs are under the very deceiving spell that their NT kids are “great” bc they taught them to be and not simply because they evolved naturally on their own. Likeeeee Mrs. Pam…do you *really* think little 4 year old Johnny is sitting still and *behaving* bc of YOUR teaching skills? and not bc he was simply wired to naturally develop pointing and conventional speech on a neurotypical timeline with no therapy??? Do you *really* think your kids were potty trained in a single weekend bc YOU were a great and patient groundbreaking parent/teacher? And not because those NT kids were naturally wired to simply just *get it*??? Some parents of NTs need to get a clue and learn themselves some compassion and zippedlip skills., It just makes me sad there’s no empathy, and then the children in turn have no empathy., Because autism shows in the behaviours. "They seem healthy but why are they so stubborn or causing mischiefs?" Which the typical parents deem as 'bad' behaviours, or 'no manners'. They thought it's easy to control, because their children can have 'good manners'. So they might think, "why can't these autistic children behave, when my children have no problem in behaving?" So they might think it's because of bad parenting. Hmmm invisible disability kinda sucks. Difficult to explain, and no guarantee people will be convinced either. Many will see it as excuses only., Yeah, and what do they think the alternative is? Dropping them off at the fire station?, I feel this 100%. My youngest is NT and she day trained and night trained in a couple days when she was 2. She has been speaking in full sentences since she was 1. The way she uses language, mimics actions and problem solves is like wow. And I had very little to do with that. She is just developing typically. I was the most lazy, stressed out parent when she was an infant (dealing with the new diagnosis of her brother). 90% of the reason why she’s able to do these things is…. Because she’s developing typically. My oldest has ASD. I did everything perfectly while he was in utero and throughout his early years. I was a bonafide dietician, speech therapist, doctor, MsRachel impersonator… you name it. He struggles immensely with speech, activities of daily living and developmentally appropriate activities. And it’s not because of anything I did. His brain works differently and he’s figuring it out. NT families that have only ever seen NT people in their families don’t get it. They are under the spell like you said., This. Amazing explanation, Yea it can be hard sometimes. Try and take it one day at a time, one event at a time, one struggle at a time. All we can do is keep up the struggle. I wish I was a religious person sometimes. It would make it easier to take if I knew there was a plan. But we each must cope as best we can. I feel for you, I've been in dark places like you are now. But don't give up, you will feel happiness again even if it seems impossible now., I’m so grateful there are parents like you who acknowledge the difference.🥲, lol, yep. My second (NT) kid potty trained himself in a few days. He does all the stuff, because he can and that is how most kids work, how they are wired naturally to keep them safe and so they can learn. Not, and I stress, NOT because I am a super amazing mom. I mean, I’m a nice, good mom to both my kids (most of the time/I think) but that doesn’t mean jack shit when you are dealing with someone who is just wired differently. 

Does anyone else hate their life sometimes?

I have one son awaiting ASD diagnosis whose challenging behaviour, aggression and vitriol have caused ripples of chaos and conflict throughout our family. I can’t take it any more. The whole family is falling apart. We are desperately trying to access help and I know it’s not my son’s fault but I just hate my life.

Where do I begin? My life is a mess. Marriage is destroyed. My “wife” & I are housemates now & I can vaguely remember when we loved each other. I’m in personal counseling but just rehashing the same thing each time. Counselor wants me on meds. Wife has no interest in marriage counseling. I have never felt so alone. I see my 2 ASD children struggle & fear for their future in this hard world. I hate parents of NT children complaining about minor things their children did. I have come to hate watching NT children all together. I hate watching little league knowing my son would just “stim away” at first base. I hate thinking about a little girls birthday party knowing my ASD daughter likely wouldn’t get an invite. I remember being in grade school & there were special needs kids in another class. I didn’t care about them, didn’t want to know them, probably called them names behind their backs too. Maybe I’m paying for it all now. I hate the fact I can’t dream simple things for my kids…marriage, relationships, rewarding jobs, independence. I just want off!, I feel you. Some days are easier then others, but everyday has a set of challenges that feel overwhelming. My son got his ASD diagnosis when he was 2, he's 4 now, but he is nonverbal and only babbles and screeches. We have no support from family so we don't get breaks either. Life is quite unfair sometimes. But I see you, and your emotions are valid. Just because you hate the hands you are dealt sometimes, doesn't mean you hate the entire card game. I get it, and I hope you have a better day today 🥺🤍, When my son was 3 I honestly felt I could do something horrible to him or to myself ☹️ I hated being alone with him for more than a few hours. Considered a divorce for some time. I had to start taking medication (still take anti-anxiety meds), started seeing a therapist again. I honestly think I still have a sort of PTSD from all of my son's meltdowns. But now he is almost 5 and life is better. Far from perfect or even normal but better thanks to all therapies, effort and just my son growing up and developing on his own., Yes, my husband and I both are emotionally and physically exhausted by mid day with our son. We finally have everything we ever wanted in life (besides family support) and can’t enjoy anything because our son is miserable nomatter what he does or where he goes. I never really knew other kids were like mine until I came on this subreddit, nobody really understands what it’s like unless they have a child with these challenges so it’s hard for us to really feel like we aren’t alone. We are running from one crisis to the next with our son, he’s unable to entertain himself, and he spreads his misery in our home., Yes. My husband died and I’m totally on my own. I’ve never wanted to die so badly. Not suicidal, just regrets and pain. My life is only caring for my son, I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair, and he hates me 99% of the time anyways because he’s only a toddler and we can’t communicate., I'm right here with you. I am crying all day while my DS is shouting repeatedly poop or stupidmum (2 favorits, so uplifting) and younger DD's copying him. They're curently into destroying everything in the house but I'm just not able to cope. I hate that we're alienated from our family and a lot of commun activities and I can't stop wishing to be able to fix my kids behaviors or at least one of them to have one reason to keep pushing maintaning our relationships with others. I feel so empty and depressed. I just wish I could wake up from this., I hate that coping with turmoil and facing a gnarly future is all I really get to do. I never knew how lucky I was before familial disabilities came into my life., ... that's like asking "does anyone worry about their kid's future", or "does anyone feel grief about the diagnosis ". Yup. Everyone, or else they have an uncommonly strong support system. Because it freaking sucks sometimes. For what it's worth, years 3-4 have been the worst so far, it's been uphill since 4., Yes, it’s really hard and you feel like you’ve lost a life that could have been. Of course, could be worse., While you’re awaiting the evaluation, [this article](http://wearelikeyourchild.blogspot.com/2014/05/a-checklist-for-identifying-sources-of.html) is the best and most comprehensive one I’ve found for kids with aggressive behavior. I hope it helps., Mmhmm. I've been there on more than one occasion. It's really hard having kids on the spectrum, watching all the other families around us just living happy normal lives while we are struggling so hard every day. Sending hugs <3, I sadly very regularly hear myself saying "I hate my life, I f*** ing, f*** ing hate my life" Just yesterday even. Some times it's worse, some times it's better. Unfortunately, I don't have a solution. Just support, I hear you. You are not alone, I hate my life. There’s nothing good about it., [deleted], Your feelings are valid, It’s completely ok to feel that way. The challenges us parents and our children have to go through daily simply aren’t fair. I was one of those parents who had no idea how hard it was to have a child with special needs. I have a NT child and raising them has been night and day compared to our youngest who is Autistic. I never realized how much better I had it before.. On the positive side my son has improved even if it’s just a little. He’s 4 and still nonverbal but he’s gotten better with some things., I try to tell myself that it's "I hate this currently my life" as opposed to "I hate my life" since the 1st one feels like there is a chance for possible improvement/change while the 2nd is more depressing., Every day is the same shitty day I still can't believe this is our garbage life and it's only five years in with this fuckery I hate being alive, Some days and some years …. Yes I have. This is hard., Mine is two and she just bit me in the same spot for the third time this weekend after only letting me have 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night. I’m miserable and right now I resent her immensely., I can relate, one decision that saved the sanity of me and my wife. We have drawn a hard line between my son and autism. Autism is just an obstacle between me and my son , and he endures it as much as we do., I always think it could be worse ., I think when the reality hit me that my son would never be able to live on his own and I would be caring for him the rest of his life is when I really started to get in a bad place. He’s 16 and at the age where kids would be getting their license and driving themselves to school, work or friends houses. He will never drive. I don’t see a lot of jobs that would be suitable for him. He has no friends. He is failing school. He can barely make a sandwich without making a giant mess., This poem helped us a lot https://www.stepsautismtreehouse.org.au/blogs/2019/6/2/welcome-to-holland-an-inspirational-poem Trust me when I say that I get it as a father of a level 3 moving to level 2, 8 year old . So trust me when I say, it gets better. But I will not sugar coat it for you. The next few years will be quite brutal. But the more work you put in NOW it will help in the long term. Good luck, and keep posting. You are among friends., Our family has had a different life than anyone around us including family. I have a 16 yo. Son who was diagnosed at 2 years old. It's not easy!, Thank you everyone. I am staggered so many people replied. It is good to feel I am not alone but I hope things get easier for everyone x, Just waiting to die. Literally. I hate my life., [deleted], Same here. I feel like an alien. Parents of NT children are "trying" to understand, but at the same time there pitty is fake. The worst are counselors who say the same shit over and over again "you need a break", "you need to take care of yourself"... Oh really??!?! Thank you for telling me the very obvious. Are you going to take my kids that I indeed can have a rest? No? Well then fuck off. People who just lead with words can fuck off. They live in a bubble. When someone gives me time off that's when I feel truly supported. Marriage is really crumbly here as well. It just all sucks, I felt this.. My marriage feels the same. My life is a little different but same result feeling, We had a NT child very young and life was great then we had another child and once my son became Autistic everything has just derailed, Finances, Love, etc All it is now is stress all the time, Never ending and feels like no light at the end of tunnel but we have to have hope. Hoping for better days for you and your family., I hear you. I’ve been right where you are, what is happening to you happens to us here in this community. My twins are 24, you find a way, or you don’t. All of it… it’s as tragic and traumatic an experience as being a war refugee. And then you thank God you aren’t a war refugee because you can’t imagine how you’d do what you’re already doing, but while dodging artillery and sleeping in a tent. See it can always be worse. Never challenge worse., Same to all of this. Single mom. Life is in shambles., Thank you, you too x, I’m happy to hear that things are better now and that you and your son are getting the help you need. I hope you keep on healing and growing together., Yes it can be really traumatic witnessing and holding so much intolerable emotion for your child x, Isn’t it so unfair? I love my son, I know you understand, but his autism has killed everything about parenting that I dreamed of and anticipated my whole life., I’m also a single mom and Feel like my son hates me sometimes. I would give anything to have him want to play with me. It’s really hard. Pm me if you want to chat or vent ever I would love to talk more with you, thats really tough, That’s brutal.. I’m sorry for your loss. Your child is your purpose try to remember that. He’s better with you than without. They say the 2-5 year old range is very tough but tends to get better. Hoping for better days for you and many others on here., I’m so sorry xx, Thank you so much for writing this., Sadly I resonate a lot. Hugs., It does feel like a bad dream sometimes x, Same…I had a pretty great life., Years 1-4 were the easiest for me, years 8-12 have been the hardest.., Our years 2-5 were really hard. Then he settled. Then age 9 the ‘wheels came off’ x, Years 0 - 4 sucked, but 5 - 6 has been really good. Once he could communicate his needs reliably, it got easier., Yes absolutely., Thank you!, Thank you., Thank you. Nor are you. I am so grateful for the solidarity on here., Thank you. My son says similar, about hating his life. If I could take away his pain I would., I hope your nights get better xx, That sounds helpful., Yes, it is so hard when you see other kids being so independent., Thank you x, I’m so sorry, I am a psychologist too. I’ve applied all the strategies. But it’s different for your own because home is the only place they truly unravel.. makes it so hard. Take care x, Why is it that everyone in our lives tells us we need a break, but they wouldn’t ever take the kid, wouldn’t dream of it?, I feel this. My son is newly diagnosed. It’s starting to sink in that there is and never will be any help coming. He will never change or grow out of it. There are no resources available because he is too high functioning. I could never leave him with a family member or a babysitter because I’m afraid of what he’ll do while I’m away. I go to therapy, and they’re like “you need to do self care!” and “autism means he’s just a little different, read this laundry list of parenting books!” When exactly am I supposed to do this? When he’s not destroying something or hurting his siblings? I’m so tired of these people doling out advice who have never spent a moment in my shoes., Thank you, you too., The only hope I have anymore is for a swift, painless death., It really is. Our neighbors/friends have 5 kids together and they’re just normal functioning people lol. We are over here feeling like lunatics and just waiting until he’s in waiver :( he shows us little glimpses of sweet moments and he is really cute and silly sometimes but it’s so rare and it just breaks us that most of the time it’s like we don’t know who he is ;(, That’s so hard. And then you feel guilty for feeling that, and for resenting them when you know it’s not their fault 😔, Interesting! Are yours high or low support needs? Ours went from being mute/melting down multiple times a day, to being a cheerful young gentleman who was indistinguishable from his neurotypical peers in the classroom. Cool little transformation, actually. (And he did work his butt off for every word )., Just to be clear I meant I agree with you 100%. On the bad days I’d be very low. Sometimes if I’m feeling more positive I tell myself my job is to look after her, make her life as good as it can be and all the usual stuff. But it’s very difficult to accept., You too!, Yesterday I refused her something because it’s become a “situation” and she slammed her head about 40 times in 30 minutes. Then she went to sleep at 8:30 and I was thrilled and assumed she wore herself out screaming- it was a trick! She woke up at 10 and because her bottle wasn’t available (in the dishwasher), I have to take her on a 2 1/2 hour drive to calm her (she loves rides) and wait for the dishwasher to finish. Still better than being bitten! Hopefully you’re doing better as well., I know, right? That's the ultimate test for me., And the neighbours are oblivious to the bartering, arguing, convincing, coaxing, coping (and everything else) that it takes just to get the one kiddo out the door! And I hope they don’t, but they might be wondering why you look exhausted and defeated already, while they’re happily chatting about their day and plans. I’m not religious but I did have a stint in my 20s where I was Mormon. The ONE thing I fondly remember is that they believe people who are born with disabilities already have perfect souls, and they’re here to help us learn lessons about ourselves. Again I’m not affiliating or pushing anything, that one idea just resonated with me and gives me comfort. Not sure why. My last job, I posted a quote on my desk and read it everyday. I had no idea how much it would apply to me as a parent.. “The moment of maximum leverage It's the moment before it tips, that split second where a little effort can make a big difference. We wait for this. For the day when participating will truly pay off, for the mechanical advantage that gives us the most impact for our effort. It's a myth. Maximum leverage is the result of commitment, of daily persistence, of gradual and insane and apparently useless effort over time. When it works, it merely looks like we had good timing.”, My daughter is high support, low functioning. Non-verbal. Very, very aggressive and violent at times. She's vocal but no words. She's not potty trained and is a toe-walker. Congratulations on the transformation. That must've been so rewarding and awesome . I can't even imagine the joy that was felt from that!, Yes. No one else (aside from everyone here!) understands the nuances of the things that can make the difference between your child going to bed versus proceeding to melt down for three hours. We’re hyper vigilant to the slightest change in energy to try and stop the storm before it really starts. Exhausting., Jedi hugs, if you want them. :-( Autism is such a bloody spectrum., Thank you!

Does anyone feel like they’re grieving? Please don’t judge me

I don’t know how else to describe it. Sometimes I wish I didn’t carry this heavy pain with me but I just do. I think it’s because I’ve always had depression issues since I was a little and things really get to me. I have a beautiful 9 year old daughter who is my world, she is currently receiving therapy at home and has never been enrolled in school (except for 3 months when she was 3 and it was terrible,) because of this, she doesn’t have many friends. She is nonverbal and it saddens me to see how much she struggles to communicate. It saddens me that she will not get to experience life as I have. To experience the extent of all emotions whether it’s happiness or heartbreak. To graduate school, to go to college, to get a job. Every time I try to talk about this, people will tell me that at least she is healthy, that things will be okay, but no one knows how much effort and work it takes to take care of a special needs person and I’m always afraid that one day I will no longer be in this world to help her. I feel like I’m typing random thoughts but I don’t even know where to start. Lately I’m just having a really hard time staying positive and I’m hoping someone relates so they can share how to overcome this terrible feeling. I feel so guilty feeling this way because I feel like I shouldn’t or at least what’s what everyone tells me

Sending you some momma strength. You're brave for getting this "out loud." Your fears feel and are real. It's a big load to carry and you're right, your daughter isn't going to experience life the way you did and now you are also not going to experience life the way you did. It's a lot. People say what they think helps, but it's weird how sometimes well meaning comments can be so invalidating. What I find incapacitating sometimes is the sheer amount of extra mental load it can be. The phone calls, research, emails, more research, this therapy, that therapy, do we qualify, how do we get that, how do we get there from here, how long is that wait list . . . It's hard to care for the child in front of me sometimes with all of the extra administrative and management tasks I wake up to each day. You're very much not alone in how you feel. I'm sure many others can chime in on this. Be kind to yourself tonight. , Of course you’re grieving. Anyone who chooses to have a baby has hopes and dreams for that baby. Your daughters life will still be a good one and a worthwhile one, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard for you as the parent to see the things that might have been and might not be possible. That’s so hard, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling that way. I’m sorry that people say “at least she’s healthy” like… that’s so dismissive. It’s HARD., I so, so deeply understand. You are not alone. I've been grieving for a long time., I don’t judge you. I grieve every time my 5 y/o leaves a new scar from scratching me in the face so hard that I bleed; which is at least once a week. & then i grieve again when i look in the mirror every morning to see how many scars she has put on my face. I grieve every time she tries to destroy anything in site at the slightest inconvenience. I grieve every time i have to give her the medication to control her violence which i am taking her off at her next doctors appointment because it doesnt even help and i worry about the harsh side effects on her little body. I grieve every time I can’t see my niece and nephew because I dont have a sitter who can handle her& their little voices set her off so I cant take her along with me I grieve for the fact that she can’t make friends because any baby crying, or childs voice sets her off. I grieve for the fact that I hate those kids at the store because they are so fucking loud and making my life a living hell to just get necessities through the week because they’re voices are causing my daughter to have a total melt down, even though it’s not their fault, they’re having fun and just being kids. I grieve that i am constantly on edge and scoping everything out, hyperaware that she could hulk out or elope at any moment. I grieve a lot and I have a feeling I will be for a long time. I grieve for her because I feel like a completely unequipped parent to deal with all of this. I grieve because I’ve paid so much money, that I don’t have,out of pocket to try and keep her off waitlists and get an early diagnosis, & that didnt even help and we are still on waitlists for anything and everything when she needs the help now. I grieve because I never wanted this life for her or I. I grieve writing this out because I didn’t realize just how much I am grieving. This is the most honest I have ever been about autism. &it’s really hard to even hit that post button right now because it makes me feel guilty; but this is not an easy life. It has been a very hard month. I’m sorry you’re grieving too., It’s the grieving of what you thought parenthood would be like because no one ever tells you to expect a child with special needs. They’ll tell you about the diaper changes and how you’ll never get any sleep they don’t tell you about when your kid gets diagnosed as autistic and nonverbal no judgment ever, I think we’re all grieving, I hear you. No judgement here. I can relate to what you're saying. The grief can be overwhelming at times. I feel I was up and over that hump, then it comes around and hits in a different way. My kid is four and non-verbal. The challenge to communicate and express his thoughts is heartbreaking. That's not unreasonable to wish that for our kids. Im sending you and your daughter all the love and care!, I totally get it. My 4 year old son is in the process of being diagnosed as non verbal and when I think about it too much it just makes me want to cry. I cry for him for what he won’t experience, I cry for him for what he will that will be different too. He’s also so scary to monitor. He’s a runner and it makes me feel like I can’t take him anywhere and experience a normal life at all. My wife is ahead of me on this but also judging me for how I feel. That I I need to just love him and I do, but it’s hard. This is all so fucking hard, I think most of us feel like this at times, you're certainly not alone. Seeing other families have fun doing normal things is truly upsetting for me. We can barely even have Christmas day :(, I love this post and especially all of the compassionate responses. This is the type of post that certain very online, toxic autistic activists use to try to prove that we actually hate our own autistic children. Fuck those people. OP you have nothing to apologize for or feel guilty about. Feel your feeling and share with others for support and compassion, yours and ours. Your child was lucky to be born to you., 💕💕, Absolutely. I sobbed, prayed and felt such a loss. I was so afraid for my daughter, that if anything happens to me who will look after her (no family and government is awful). So scared for her and the dreams I had of her playing, having lots of friends etc. You grieve the life you wanted them to have, ABSOLUTELY! I think this is a nearly universal feeling post-diagnosis. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!, You're definitely not alone. My 6 year old son was recently diagnosed. I think I've been through all of the stages of grief, except for acceptance yet. I am trying to process it. At the same time, I'm trying to make it easier for him at school, at home..anywhere. He goes to therapy for his emotions and stuff. I haven't even figured out where to start getting more help with him. The school said they would have resources to help myself and him, but they haven't done anything. It's constantly going through my head, "is he going to get through school..is he going to meet someone when he's older, get married..have kids.." So, I won't judge you. I just want you to know you're not alone💙, Yes, I understand very well what you are going through. My son is also 9 years old and is home schooled, so we are in similar boats. I just got my son's diagnosis in October. I wasn't surprised at all that over the diagnosis, but the conformation and the extent of his disability and life long struggles he will have made me very sad. I am still grieving to an extent. I have the same fears about not being there for him. My son is also healthy and is verbal, but has such bad sensory issues that he goes non-verbal a lot of the time. It is hard, and overwhelming, and it does feel like no one understands how much work it is. I think people say such things because they don't know what to say, and have no reference point of their own to offer advice, or to completely understand the reality in which you live. I often times feel very alone in all of this, and I grieve that too. After all, at the end of the day, we are still human. I get through it by focusing on the good in life, how much I love him, and honestly, my faith. I take what little time I can get to myself and pamper myself. I put my energy in the things I can do today, and try to not worry about tomorrow too much. I am working on a plan for his future so that he will be taken care of when my time comes. In my private moments whether in the shower or alone in my room, I allow myself to feel and cry. I take walks and admire the beauty around me and think of things I am grateful for. I dance, I try to exercise, I play music and sing. I think of things I love to cheer me up. None of it easy, but it does help. There are some days where I am just down and nothing works to pull me out, and that's okay. It's okay to have these feelings. It is hard! So, don't feel guilty, you can let that go. I hope my post has helped you a little. Your post helped me, because now I know I am not totally alone in my struggles and grief. So thank you for putting yourself out there and being brave enough to post your feelings. Take care!, Its ok to grieve. But no longer than 12 months ideally. Its a different life but it can be a great life if you embrace it, You're not alone. My son is 11 years old, in 6th grade, and attends ABA therapy 20 hours a week. I go through periods of time where I feel like I am also grieving. I have two other children. I often watch my 9 year old NT child play outside and play with friends and attend sports and school functions without "issue". My 11 year old refuses to leave the house, won't play outside, and is not interested in sports. He won't participate in school activities/functions because they're too overwhelming, too loud, and kids are too mean. I refuse to force him to participate if he doesn't want to but my heart hurts for him knowing everything he's missing out on. I have to find someone to watch him every time my daughter has a sports game or a competition because he can't attend without going into a full blown meltdown the entire time. His sister doesn't understand why he doesn't want to support her or be there for her. I've tried to explain that it's not always a choice for him because he just can't handle it. Truthfully we don't know what his future looks like. We're trying so hard to get him the help he needs to function day to day right now that everything else seems trivial. It's a challenging balance of trying to stay positive and absolutely crying inside. Hugs, I can relate. I’m a father of two 5 yr old Autistic twins. Not only I have to deal with that for the rest of my life but currently me and my partner (their Mother) are having difficulties with our relationship as well. She gave up on me and just focusing on her job while me, jobless, just taking care of my kids. It’s killing me everyday tbh. I don’t know what to think anymore but I have to be strong for my kids but in reality I just can’t., Most of us have felt this way, it’s like a feeling you’re missing out. It takes a special person to care for a special kid. You’re doing great! I have to tell myself that I can’t have this vision of a family that I had for myself and dwelling is not healthy. We have a unique family dynamic and we will just experience things differently and we just have to cherish the wins and the good times., You aren't alone. This shit is so hard. Big hugs!, I think grieving is normal for parents with ASD children. I haven’t stopped grieving since we got the diagnosis earlier this year, and I don’t think the grief will ever go away. I grief for the loss of the life that he could have had, I grief for the time I will age and die and he would be left without me, his main support and caregiver. But that aside, embrace the grief and don’t feel bad about it. I love my child but his condition has definitely brought us a lot of mental, emotional and financial stress. It’s really hard on some days, especially when meltdowns seem to happen all day long. I am still struggling, too. Grief, mama, don’t feel like you are a bad parent because you feel this way. We are here to listen, even if it’s all we can do for you for now., Do you get a break? Respite? I think it will make a huge difference if you can take time out as you need that! Especially if you’re a single parent. Or if any family will help just for a few hours? Overnight stay? Anything! It’s something to look forward to pick you up on a bad day, 2 more sleeps I get a lie in? I’m asking you I don’t know., A member of this community recommended I use pecs with my nonverbal daughter and I had to research videos of how to incorporate it into our routine. But it has helped a bit because as she begins making associations with the pictures she will eventually be able to point to a picture to show me her wants and needs. However, in order to get to a place where I could implement these things I did have to have a tough loving conversation with myself about what’s at stake if I don’t find away to push through my depression and do this consistently. I have to give her the tools to survive in this life. I want to empower her because the reality is things will be harder for her but she can do hard things if I lovingly hold her to it and stay consistent. So I’ve had to find ways to see some of the symptoms of her autism as an asset. Her love for repetition helps her to pick up on the few pecs I use with her every week and I consistently praise her and egg her on in the process. I give her the sensory input she likes sometimes after we get through a task so hug and rock her while singing or I let her get some trampoline time before we goto another activity to build her ability to attend to a task without eloping. I don’t know if this is helpful to you because your daughters experience and needs are different but sometimes having concrete things to do has helped me when I’m down to put one foot in front of the other out of the low., I'm grieving too. It feels like a dark cloud is following me everywhere every day and I try not to look at it but it's hard. I see kids younger than my son who speak so much better, I see how far he is behind his peers. I started hating Christmas, it used to be my favourite holiday and I wanted to share it with my son but he is 5 and still has no comprehension of Santa or his birthday too. I'm scared my son will never have friends or will be bullied or even hated. So I actively try not to think about it. I'm prone to depressions so I do my best to stay afloat because I need to be there for him. I just accepted there are better days and there are really bad days. Sending you hugs 🫂🌷, The “it could be worse” comments are never as helpful as ppl think they’ll be. I think it’s very normal to grieve the loss of what you hoped for your child. Unfortunately with something like this it’s cyclical and never ending bc you will continuously be reminded of how different your child’s life will look compared to what you’d originally thought. It’s really really hard. My therapist said it’s best to acknowledge those feelings and accept them, which is sometimes easier said than done., Yes, but what you're grieving for are the dreams you had for a person you hadn't even met yet. At some point you'll get past it and discover that even despite the perceived disadvantages that your child's abilities aren't worthy of pity and that any positives need to be played up. Example: my son is nonverbal but he's not deaf or stupid, even though he was treated that way. That realization came when he demonstrated that he was watching and was able to learn to do things that we weren't prepared for. He's also an incredibly good judge of character and that many "normal" people are more worthy of the treatment that had been visited on him because he was "retarded." Sorry, anger is a part of grief and acceptance is hard to achieve when outside adversity doesn't ease up., It’s really important that you grieve the daughter you “thought” you would have. Feeling like you’re grieving doesn’t mean you don’t love your daughter, it means you DO love her. Grieving is a VERY important step towards accepting your daughter for exactly who she is. I know it’s hard, but try not to doomsday predict the future. Focus on the present. Grieve. And help your daughter become the best version of herself, as you would whether or not she had a diagnosis. Her life, your life, are not going to look “normal” but that’s ok. As long as you learn how grief and accept that. Parenting is hard. Parenting a high support needs child is even harder. Give yourself some grace. You should feel guilty for how you feel. You can’t control how you feel, you can only control how you deal with those feelings. You have to work through them the same way you would in other situation. If you try to shame them or suppress them, you may end up resenting and taking out on your daughter, and you don’t want that. Grief is important. Do what you need to do to process the grief, so you can show up as the best version of yourself for your daughter. Much love and encouragement <3, Thank you so much for validating what I’m feeling, sometimes that’s all I need to hear. I wish you the best on this journey, Thank you for your kind words, and it is dismissive :(, Thank you. If you ever need to talk, you can count on me, My daughter used to scratch my arms a lot and I remember feeling exactly what you are describing… everything you’re saying. Lmk if you ever need to talk. This is the first time in my entire life that I feel someone else is experiencing what I am too. Hope you are doing ok this morning, I understand... Two kids with ASD. So much money spent on replacing broken items. My daughter is 4.5 and very aggressive. Scars all up my arms from her. Bruises on her siblings. Have tried several meds and now were on a mood stabilizer. But honestly, I'm not hopeful. We're about to start ABA and I'm not hopeful about that either. My son is also aggressive at times, 5.5 years old. Mostly towards his sisters, but towards me too sometimes. I have so much constant anxiety. Who do i need to stand between to keep them from hitting? Who's trying to get in the garage? If i go to the bathroom will someone leave the house? Even during TV time i need to be in the room with them because they'll be aggressive towards one another. I wince every time my kids raise their hands in fear they're going to hit me. Child locks on the inside of their rooms because otherwise I can't keep everyone safe during meltdowns. And just to get them to their rooms I have to carry them kicking and screaming and fighting all the way there. I wonder how ill do it when they're bigger and heavier. I have a newborn and if my kids are in meltdown mode they'll try to hit me even when I'm holding the baby. No person is meant to withstand constant stress and assault. It is so so hard. So so much grief., Thank you so much. I never thought of it that way but it really helps makes sense of it. Sometimes I feel like my mind is just cloudy and I don’t even realize why I feel so depressed but this helps at least understand where my feelings are coming from., I feel like that too. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I’m on top of the world and will not rest until I do as much as I can for my baby, and then there’s other days that I can’t even get up from bed. I wish you the best, and thank you for your kind words, Is my daughter going to have 12 months of autism only? Is she going to struggle with noise only 12 months? If she going to out of nowhere stop having melt downs, depression, social anxiety after 12 months? I just saw your other posts and I hope you know that you are absolutely not helping anyone., Same here. I have two boys both with autism, one with adhd and a seizure condition that requires meds twice a day, and the other is 7 years old, completely NV and still in pull ups because he doesn’t understand the toilet. I was forced to PT when I was little because my family was really poor but I was absolutely terrified of toilets when I was little. They were loud and scary, and I literally thought it could kill me. Because of that I haven’t “forced” my son to PT, just brought him with us to the bathroom, he’s seen us all go and wipe, and he’s even come up and checked it out and flushed it but still no dice. Because of my paralyzing fear that I’ll do it wrong and scare him for life like my mom did to me, I just can’t find it within me to really enforce it and I can’t tell you how awful that makes me feel everyday. I feel like it’s my fault that he’s not as far along as he could be, and I think about it everytime I change his pull up and it’s full of poop. I’m wiping a SEVEN YEARS OLDS BUTT. So you are not alone, a lot of here are silently suffering through these types of issues and in multiple levels or in different aspects., If it helps, the poem "Welcome to Holland" pretty much sums up everything you're feeling with this (it's a poem someone wrote about being a special needs parent, though not specifically ASD) https://www.emilyperlkingsley.com/welcome-to-holland, [removed], [deleted], Hello. I wanted to take a moment to let you know your comments are really pushing the boundaries of being approved or removed. You don't have to be snarkey or snide. I'm taking these comments as posted by a adult on the spectrum which is fine, but use your experiences for good and positive help. There are lots people here dealing with kids with very high support needs and sometimes are in crisis. Take a breath and be helpful., Thank you for the feedback.

Does anyone have kids who are low support needs?

Hi, I'm low support needs autistic and I'm torn about having kids. Everyone in my family who's nd is low support needs, but it seems from this sub that everyone's kids are really high support needs 😅 does anyone have any reassuring stories about their low support needs kids, or even high support needs? The fear of having a kid whos more than just a little quirky is really scary for me and reading posts here have really cemented that. Please go easy on me, I don't mean any offence with this post.

My husband is, and possibly me. But we're not the example you want, as both children are high support needs. I don't think "most" families here are high supports needs. Many have that when their kids are toddlers, but only about 27% are in that category at age 8. We also have many here whose kids are well into childhood when they're diagnosed - almost always level 1. What counts as "profound autism" is really an IQ below 50 and minimal communication skills. My 9 year old is very easy to parent. He's going to be in a group home one day, but he's happy, friendly and easy going, even with a level 3 diagnosis. My 6 year old has presented many challenges, and also has a level 3 diagnosis. The truth is that having children is a risk. You could have a child who needs 24/7 nursing care. Your baby could have a stroke and debilitating brain damage at birth. They might be the brand of autism that terrifies you. My husband and I had no idea we were autistic. When we were growing up, we were just "quirky". It was a clear family trait for him, so it didn't even register that he was just one of many autistic people in his family. His sister has 2 kids who are either not autistic or just undiagnosed, and they are doing just fine. It's a challenge. It's hard to live a parallel life compared to others. As an autistic person, dealing with the noise, stress and chaos responsibly is even harder. Ultimately, to have kids, it has to be something you REALLY want. I would recommend a job or volunteer position where you can regularly work with children. Maybe it'll be too much for you. Or maybe you will find you like kids, but that's plenty enough interaction, thank you very much. Or maybe you will decide that even the stress and work of that is worth the challenge. I don't think most of us living it are going to go off on you. There are a lot of families here, especially those whose kids have milder symptoms and are younger, who might see it through a more critical lens. It's scary as hell to lose out on a support network and to wonder what happens to your kids when you die. If I knew then what I know now, I doubt I would have had children - because abandoning your adult child in death is a really hard thing to face., I wouldn’t assume you will have a low support needs child. My son is technically level 1 but also has ADHD and is so much work. He is basically always in motion and will not reliably engage in stuff that he finds boring and will engage in a lot of negative behaviors to avoid doing things he doesn’t want to (spitting, aggression, screaming). He has no interest in children and has no friends. So no play dates, mostly solo activities etc. he also is not conversational. In contrast, my friend has a very high supports needs daughter who is so easy to care for and super compliant., I don't offer this to be an AH and I hope you take this in the spirit offered, which is a gentle consideration of what parenting any kid will entail, regardless of their NT/ND brain. But having kids should scare you. Having kids, no matter the circumstance, is an F ton of work. I am also "low support needs" autistic. If you're triggered by disruption to routine, loud noises, piling up demands, loss of control, and sensitive to the faces/energy of everyone around you, having a baby is one long assault to your central nervous system until you habituate to that and adjust expectations. Babies also change very quickly. Toddlers come with new demands and then that gives way to the demands of kids. It is not easy. But it's doable and for me, it's 100% worth it. I have learned so much about myself, all the little ways I coped and accommodated myself before that were suddenly inaccessible when I had kids, how I could endure discomfort or find new ways to accommodate, how I could recognize my own overstimulation and take a break when possible, how I could attend to myself and also my kids. I'm still learning. My kids are 3 and 5 and there are still days I would like to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground. My 3.5 year old is a PDA kid on the spectrum. Parenting him is the hardest thing I've ever done. And he also gives the best hugs, says "I love you" in a way that you can feel in your soul, and cracks me up on the daily. He is challenging and enigmatic and delightful and horrifying (often in the same moment). All human beings, especially babies, have "high support needs," which is worth considering. I don't mean to be obtuse. I get that a spectrum disorder means all our kids manifest differently and require support in different ways. I just mean this to say-- if the only way having kids feels palatable is if they're merely quirky, you might have some more soul searching to do on this topic and consider what it might be like to have a kid with more profound needs (physical disability, for example)., Yes I do. No speech delay but often chooses not to speak. Not really conversational but he is only 6 so I still have hope. Fully independent in self care skills. In regular school and gets pulled out for fine motor support/academics and social skills. He struggles so much to make friends it is heartbreaking I won’t lie. He’s like an alien to other children he is so different socially. I can’t really send him to extra curricular’s as he can’t follow instructions in a group. I hope these might improve as he gets older. His social skills are improving year over year. He actually spoke to Santa this year which was amazing he was so proud of himself. At 4 he used to mimic other children as a way of engaging in play and he doesn’t do that anymore. The last two years he became fixated on certain children in his class and this year he isn’t doing that either. He has intense special interests and struggles to talk about anything else. Can suffer from anxiety at times and is a very picky eater. Ages 2 to 4 were the worst with meltdowns and rigidity but those issues are mostly gone now with early intervention. He’s amazing and I’m glad I had him although it has been challenging at times., Our son is relatively low support needs right now (verbal, pees in the potty, eats and sleeps relatively “normally”), and my hope is with timely intervention and support he will continue to have pretty low support needs. His biggest struggles right now are emotional and physical regulation and peer interaction. My husband and I suspect we’re both undx’d, based on our struggles in childhood and even now. We’re hoping kiddo will have an easier road than we did going in knowing up front about his neurospicy little brain., My daughter is moderate support needs, but we are thinking she will be low support by adulthood. There's a lot of nuance as far as support needs go. She's verbal but not conversational (gestalt language processor) and is very typically well behaved. Grandma and grandpa can take her places and she's very easygoing. We have had zero complaints for behavior in school. She only really lacks interverbal language and she's started gaining those skills. Academically she's on grade level or higher. She is not potty trained due to lack of speech but she puts on all her clothes, changes herself and takes everything off just fine. She just turned 7. My son is high support needs. He's nonverbal and an AAC user. He self injures but is highly intelligent, grade accelerated and has recently been doing high school level work for fun during sped pull outs. He's 8 years old. 4th grade. Speech prevents potty training. He has a severe fine motor delay so he needs help getting dressed. My nephews are several grade levels below their peers, they have significant social/emotional delays. Learning disabilities. Can't be left alone. In diapers until 9. They're level 1, and 14 and 18 years old. They're verbal though, but they require prompting to answer questions and have abnormal tone/etc., I mean... it's impossible to say what you kid's needs will be. I have ADHD (my mother also likely does) and my wife's family has ND people with schizophrenia and likely ASD. An ND child wasn't even in our thoughts. I figured maybe a kid with ADHD but ended up with an amazing little guy who's higher support needs ASD and likely ADHD. Is it hard - of course. Is it worth it? 100% If you want kids - have kids. If you are very nervous you can not take care of a higher support needs kid look into adopting. I think statistically you are more likely to have a ND kid but the range of what that means is pretty large, My child is high support needs. I’m not offended. The chance of you having a high support needs autistic child is greater than average. I believe myself and father of my children are very low support needs autistic adults. Had no idea until we had our son. I have one severe kiddo and a neurotypical daughter. Being a parent is not mandatory to be a fully formed adult. It’s not necessary to live a happy life. I love my kids so much but if I could rewind time I would be a single, childless, rich auntie that travels the world. Based off your second to last sentence — I wouldn’t have kids., I have two low support needs kids. I will be honest, parents of low support needs kids tend to find very specific parenting groups to what their children struggle with. Like I find the hyperlexic or PDA groups more than the autism groups. I just relate more to the moms in those groups., Both SO and I have autistic traits, and we had one kid who went from extremely difficult/nonverbal to regular classroom+speaking in about 3 years. It took countless hours of therapy, but the therapy paid off. I basically put my life on hold to be his full time chauffeur. Second kiddo about to be evaluated, but she doesn't have as much of a speech delay. For us, stacking traits resulted in having a kid with more of a disability than either of us had. Just something to consider., I do think my son is low support needs...He's 4 and half and still not verbal (apart from few blabbering) but apart from that he's quite good. His favorite foods are veggies and fruits and he hates fast foods...he's good in concentration level and very rarely have meltdowns...He's not friendly but quietly plays on his own...I can leave him on his own (under my watchful eyes) Best part is - He's EXTREMELY obedient..Heck I would say he's more obedient than most NT and ND kids..his downsides are - He doesn't understand most of commands and he's non verbal, We were told when our son was getting evaluated that your child’s level of needs tends to be higher than yours. My husband is on the spectrum, but low needs. My son is level 1 most of the time now that he’s graduated many therapies. However, my sister is a level 2 (3 some days) and her kids are low needs. It is true that if you’re autistic, you should expect your kids to be. But in the end, if you want kids, this shouldn’t be a reason to not have them. Early intervention really matters & makes a huge difference., Maybe not what you asked - but keep in mind nobody’s path is guaranteed. Everything about having kids is a roll of the dice. Some people struggle with infertility some don’t. Some have autistic children, some have children with other health conditions. Some don’t. Yes there are genetics in play but some things in life just happen for better and for worse. I think the heavier topic is exploring your own feelings of do you want a child ? Do you want to be a parent and all that entails? Wishing you all the best, and it speaks a lot that you are considering the decision to have children or not so carefully., I am NT, my husband is low needs, first son is low needs, second son NT. My husband had no support growing up as he was just “quirky”, we knew what to look for with our son so he’s getting support early. All the best with your decision., My son is low support needs. He does well academically and is able to maintain good hygiene and help around the house. He struggles a little bit with school subjects that he doesn’t enjoy, but is still able to pass. Where he struggles most is in interacting with peers and making friends. He also is a rigid thinker and once you tell him something there is no adjusting or changing course. He stims by pacing, which is harmless but not something he can do in a gen-ed classroom. I may also be autistic. I have some of the traits but was never diagnosed. It hasn’t held me back, just made my social life difficult. I don’t think I’ll seek a diagnosis. Being his mother is one of the greatest joys of my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way., I guess I would have a low supports need kid. She was diagnosed with autism at the age of 5 (last month to be specific). Completely verbal and independent with all self care. She struggles socially so she’s in a social skills group and is main streamed at school. We are in the process of getting her occupational therapy for sensory issues but I think she will be just fine as an adult. I have ADHD, my husband is neurotypical and so is my 2 year old. You don’t know what you’ll get., My kid is mid-support needs, but everyone with autism presents differently. There are many kids with ADHD or supposed level 1 autism that are much more difficult to parent day to day than my child. My kid is, for the most part, pretty chill and he needs support but he’s loving so it’s worth it. When my kid was younger (about 2 or so) it was much harder because he didn’t understand much and he never stopped moving. I spent a lot of time running after him. However, my kid doesn’t struggle with aggression or defiance like some other kids. He loves to play games and laugh. I agree with everyone else that genes are a total crapshoot., I’m a NT mom to a moderate support needs 4.5 year old. His father is not in the picture but I’m positive he’s low support needs. There are several ND relatives on his paternal side that I have found through social media. He also had an uncle who’s low support needs (half brother to my son’s father). I love my son more than anything and he is a hyperactive but mild mannered kid. He is a great sleeper, is not a picky eater, doesn’t have many meltdowns (few that I can remember as they’re mostly tantrums) and he’s very affectionate. He also doesn’t self injure or others. I know that this can all change in the future though. His biggest challenges are that he is minimally verbal. His receptive language though is great and he understands English and Spanish well. I have no idea if he will ever be conversational and that’s one of my biggest concerns. He is not potty trained and withholds but we shall try again after that start of the new year. He struggles with fine motor skills such as writing and drawing for instance. He is also very much on the go all day long. I don’t know where he gets the energy. As everyone has stated, no one knows if your child will be NT, low support or high support needs. Even genetic testing may not render results. My son had three panels done this year and nothing came of it. It still genetic in his case because of the high incidence of ND individuals on his dad’s side including his bio dad. My advice is to think through. Only do it if you’re ready to accept a child with a disability. If not you can always adopt a child. I’d also encourage you to do all that you wanted to do as an adult. Unless you’re wealthy, it’s hard to prioritize yourself once you have a child, regardless of neurotype. The child’s needs come before your own. I’m actually glad I had my son at 34 because I had the chance to travel, live on the beach in Florida, go on dates and have a social life. At this point, it’s highly doubtful I’ll be able to do those things which I’m okay with. I’m okay with this life because I did all I wanted to in my 20s and early 30s. Best of luck!, I have a low support needs kid. He gets some social support and handwriting. We did lots of therapy between 4-5. He is 6 years old and a love bomber. He brings me so much joy, but I worry constantly about his regulation and whether he’ll need private school when he gets older., My son is low support needs. They never gave us a level but if I had to guess probably between a 1 and a 2. He's severely speech delayed at 3 (he just didn't want to speak, even his BCBAs think it's a matter of him not wanting to speak and not a matter of him not being able which is totally fine with me whatever makes him comfortable) but he's been utilizing communication through a PECS board mostly as it's easier for him. Which hey whatever works I'll be happy with! And they never force communication from him, they offer the opportunity and if he doesn't take it they move on to playing until he's ready. I have three boys, ages 3, 5 and 11 so our house is chaotic to say the least! But my 3 year old (autistic one) is my easiest child to parent. He lays right on top of me after school when we get home to relax and usually stays there until bed time. He's super affectionate and very sensory-seeking so we try to give him as much tangible stimulation as he needs. That's honestly the most effort I have to make for him. Now that communication is flourishing with him via PECS mostly and some words, I have a lot of hope that one day he may lead what we call a "normal life". But I still expect him to live with us well into his adult years. I've made peace with it, it really wasn't that hard to do. When you have kids, you just want them to be happy in however they want to accomplish that happiness. With my son, his happiness comes from the little things that bring him joy. So we give him the little things he likes to keep our bond strong and to ensure his happiness. My hardest kid is my 5 year old, we suspect he has ADHD. It's harder because he exhibits more difficulty with his neurodivergence than my 3 year old. I'm not complaining by any means, but the ADHD is harder for us to accommodate because we know less about it than the autism. But we're gearing up to put him in play therapy with an ADHD specialist so we can educate ourselves on his needs. I get your fear I really do. I'm bipolar, so I have to make sure that if it's showing and I'm struggling I tag team my husband in and we'll switch so I can address my struggles and bounce back. It's a group effort, as long as you have the support of your spouse or partner, you'll be a-ok., The thing about support needs is … they’re not always tied to how quickly someone is identified as autistic by a stranger in public. A combo of certain areas on the spectrum can generate a mix that just doesn’t function well together. I will say that I expect neurodivergent Gen Alpha as a whole to function better as adults than previous generations. Providing them with support through early childhood instead of forcing them to hide themselves or labeling them as bad kids is doing wonders for them., Come from a family of low support needs, and everyone is a very functional and fairly well-educated adult. I have a low needs kid, and we just take things one day at a time. I am sure she will grow up to be quite independent., My kids are low support, super smart, in private school. Tons of friends. They both did OT for sensory issues but that’s about it. I didn’t even know I myself am ND until I had my kids! Lol, My 2.5 year old was diagnosed as “mild”. She is the light of my life. She’s pretty easy going so far. She’s currently in speech, OT, PT, and has a SEIT who attends toddler group with her. However, her developmental pediatrician doesn’t foresee her needing accommodations beyond the first grade., I didn’t know I was low support autistic until I have first two kids who’s autistic. One older son age 4 was officially diagnosed with level 2 and my daughter was suspected to be level 1 and on waitlist for evaluation. We don’t know about our younger baby son. Two older kids appear normal as babies until they became autistic at 15 months and older. We suspect my husband’s brother is autistic because he’s gifted but not best at keeping in touch with people and his conversation were mostly one way and professor-like. My two uncles who were brothers have autistic traits like non verbal til age 5 and have stims but they appear NT. My aunt, same siblings as them, is emotionally distant and like if she had no feelings and my mother got overstimulated easily and she stims the same way I do (cheek biting and hair twirling). I didn’t have many friends and I get bullied at school. I was officially diagnosed with ADD in late 90’s so I guess I masked my autistic traits. I think autistic mothers are more likely to pass it on to their kids but I’m not well aware about support needs. I hope these answered your questions., NT mom with low-support autistic family members, ADHD dad with ADHD sibling. Our daughter is level 3., Mine would qualify. I'd even say they're in a category that is often loathed in much of the discourse (i.e. "shiny autistics"), because they seem to even be on the lower support end of level 1, at least compared to some of the other level 1s I've read about. Hubby's family has a long lineage of people who present almost exactly our youngest and there seems to be at least one per generation. My kid is the first to get a formal diagnosis. I feel like there's no way to really know what kind of kid you'll get because there's so much we don't understand about the genetics. Maybe you could see what would come out of genetic counseling, but there's a good chance they won't even be able to give you answers, but worth a try if you are able to make it happen. Your kid could be NT or they could be level 3 for life or could have some other medical issue that often clusters with ASD like EDS or epilepsy with or without autism. I do think that if you decide to go forward, you'll be ahead of the curve because you know just how much of a crapshoot it is. You probably wouldn't be floored with grief like many of the parents here, not only because you have some idea what autism is like from a direct first-hand perspective as an adult, but also because you signed up knowing full and well that you wouldn't know what you would get., Wow. This is such a comprehensive answer that I don’t have much to add, but my husband and I are both neurodivergent (diagnosed ADHD and possibly other undiagnosed in the neighborhood) and we have one level 1 autistic son. He has low support needs, BUT parenting is a crapshoot regardless of where your kid ends up on the spectrum or not. There are so many possibilities that you can anticipate. It has to be something you really want because it will change your life. I think it’s completely worthwhile but totally a personal decision., This is a great answer, thanks for sharing, Yes, I am bristling at the idea that "low support needs" as conveyed by the DSM-V implies that there isn't much work that needs to happen to attentively and lovingly parent any kid on the spectrum. My kid is "low support needs" which means he masks all day, tries to present as NT at school, and then comes home and melts down all night until we struggle through bed time and then we start that all over again., It really does seem to be a roll of the dice, at least anecdotally. This is why my kid says they want to be stinking rich if they choose to have a biological child, because they never want to be in the place of resenting their child because the social safety net around them can't deliver and they can't vote with their wallet., Yes this. My son is level one but literally never stops moving. He’s very sweet and very smart but damn if he doesn’t make me exhausted., Just out of curiosity, how is the combination of being in diapers until 9, unable to be unsupervised at all during teen years, not being able to answer questions without prompting, serious school difficulties, and ID all put together still considered level 1? It kind of makes me wonder how arbitrary the assignment is sometimes, but I'm neither a doctor nor a psychologist. Also, kudos to you for still supporting your kid's academic needs despite what all he needs help with in other areas., I’m experiencing some of this. Overall my son is pretty delightful to be around except he struggles with some very specific things. I don’t know anyone in my personal life who has kids with hyperlexia and it’s kind of like I’m on an island talking about something no one quite understands as it’s not recognized in DSM V. He’s just starting an ABA program in a few months so the sub diagnoses thus far are honestly just dart boarding terms to justify medical billing., See, that doesn’t scream Low support needs to me. My child masks all day (we hybrid homeschool because a regular classroom would swallow her whole) and by the time she gets home around 1:30pm the mask drops and it’s non stop tantrums, screaming fits, and food refusal until bedtime. Often times that’s not the end, as she has nightmares and requires a lot of nighttime support. It’s such a hard thing to even quantify. Everyone’s answers of what “low support needs” are will be different, too., They're supposedly not intellectually disabled (if so, it's mild) according to my brother, but he has been lying about their development since birth so I'm not exactly sure on that aspect. The oldest has a job washing dishes and can drive himself, but he can't have access to his own bank account/funds. I think the level system isn't exactly a good picture either., That makes sense. The clinicians likely aren't getting the full picture.

Does earlier diagnosis always mean more severe Autism?

My baby will be diagnosed on the earliest side bc I’m so hyper vigilant and aware of ASD traits. I’ve had him in EI since 7 months. I self referred and was approved based on “clinical opinion.” He was not approved for any services, he’s only getting monthly “special instruction.” Im scared he will be more severe since Im already seeing signs. He’s 10 months old and he’s a sweetheart. He loves being around people and wants to snuggle me 24/7 (yes I know that might be contradictory behavior but there are other signs and as we all know, it is a spectrum.) I’m so worried for him and also our family. There is a lot of contention between my husband and I over my anxiety about our son. On a side note, Im grateful I found this community.

I’d say no. There are a lot of kids with “developmental delays” without autism diagnosis., Im going to be very honest with you but after scrolling your post history I think you need to see therapist and get screened for PPD or post partum anxiety. It seems you are convincing yourself there is something wrong ( even going so far as to thinking he has a genetic disorder) with your baby even though he is not even delayed and hasn't missed any milestones. This is not healthy and you should reach out for help. Some babies can be very difficult but it doesn't mean they have something wrong with them., Girrrrrrl. You've got go chill. Post Partum anxiety is real. I remember when I first got anxiety and I was worried about EVERYTHING it was all day every day. Paxil saved my life. I saw you didn't go to your 6 week post partum appointment and that was crucial for help with posy partum anxiety which I'm almost positive you have. Have you been to the Doctor? You think your baby having a big head makes him have a genetic disease. All baby's heads look big. Now you've convinced yourself that your baby has ASD. This isNOT something you should want your son to have. It's a daily struggle. I was worried about my son but he is 2 YEARS old and doesn't point or clap or any of the things you're really worried about in your 10 month old BABY. Not being mean but you need to stop this nonsense. Don't join a community like this and say your child is DISABLED when your child isn't even behind on milestones! It's honestly like a slap in the face to us parents of an actually disabled child and the struggles and worry we face every single day. Pray and hope your BABY doesn't have this. You need to stop and think about the way you are acting and get professional help because you definitely need it, One reason why my daughter was identified early, was because she had complications at birth and scored an early intervention referral post-hospital discharge that was related to a congenital condition she was born with. The congenital condition isn’t linked to or related to autism, but can, by chance, cause developmental delays. Anyhow- because she was being watched by specialists for developmental delays due to her congenital condition, they just happened to notice the ASD by chance. She’s 2 now and unless you’re very into early childhood development, you would’ve be able to notice anything inherently obvious. Doesn’t make her less autistic, just means her manifestations are less obvious/stereotypical., 10 months seems incredibly young to be worrying over this., Honey, your post history shows an extreme anxiety and fixation on this. You need medication or therapy. Maybe both. I haven't seen anything in your post history to indicate his development is abnormal. Please get help. This level of anxiety is not good for you or you family., Sometimes Autism is regressive whereas development is progressive both are unpredictable. Generally doctors don’t like to even stage young children because they change so fast, as in the difference between a 1 and 2 year old is huge compared to an 8 and 9 year old. There are also many other conditions that can cause early delays., I agree with other posters… I think that you need to speak with a professional. Both about your PPA/PPD and also about your child (because I think your PPA/PPD is preventing you from having a logical grasp on baby development and milestones). Seeking advice on a *very minor* possibility from parents who are living in the tough realities of this every single day is a bit insensitive, even though I know that you don’t mean to be. The bottom line is… whether or not your child is neurodivergent doesn’t matter right now in this moment. In this moment, having special moments with your baby is what matters. My sweet baby is now 7 years old. He’s losing his baby teeth, starting to become a lot more independent, snuggling a little less, and it’s like I blinked and he grew up. And I’m sure parents with teenagers would say so even more! Don’t let fear rule your life. You’ll never get this time back. In the end, time will tell. And no matter what happens in the figure, I can guarantee you’ll look back and wish that you hadn’t worried so much and had lived in the moment more., What were the signs you saw at 7 months?, At 10 months, what are the signs, and how is it different from another baby of the same age? Could it just be that you are so "hyper" anxious about it. What caused you to be "hyper viligent and aware"., Assuming I am understanding you correctly: No, I don't think so. Severe cases are obviously easier to spot and diagnose early. However, catching it early doesn't necessarily mean its severe. There are many parents who are completely unaware of what to look for and only severe deficits arouse concern. There are many incompetent assessors who miss signs unless its obvious as well. Combine parents who *are* aware and an assessor who *is* competent and you can catch and diagnose level 1s and 2s early too. We have a 10 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old, and 1 year old. Our 6 year old got diagnosed first at 2 years 5 months, and she is **severe**, level 3 non verbal. Our 10 year old got diagnosed just last october, level 1/2. It took our experience with our second child and meeting many autistic children since then, and ignoring incompetent assessors (he can hold a conversation, he can't be autistic!) to get him diagnosed. Our 2 year old got diagnosed early and quickly, level 1/2. But by then we were veterans. We knew what we were looking for. The only reason we didn't get it sooner was because we were moving cross-country (for better supports) and had to find a competent assessor. Our 1 year old feels like the lowest level, more ADHD than anything, and he'll likely be diagnosed the soonest. For the 10 year old, in hindsight if I knew then what I know now, I would've seen that ASD a mile away at 2 years old., If it makes you feel any better very early and very late milestone hitters tend to be neurodivergent. If your baby are hitting milestones within the timelines, then all should be well. I think you're letting your anxiety run amuck., No. Even changing "severe" autism for "high support needs" (this is the accepted term) there isn't always a correlation. It could be that you're overanalysing your kid, or they're just already good at masking, or they will develop issues later on, or they will get good help in their early years and their issues will resolve, I can only give anecdotal evidence. I had no idea of how autism manifests but looking back I could have probably spotted it before my children turned two. I honestly wouldn’t even know what to look for in a 10 month old. So with my current knowledge 2 is the earliest i would be able to see the signs. Getting back to your point my children do need significant support they don’t give u levels in the uk but I guess they are not what’s considered high support needs. It’s not the same as spotting it from baby I understand that. My only advice is to deal with it as it comes along I don’t think anyone can tell you with certainty. It will always be anecdotal at best. You are doing the best you can already so if you can work on your anxiety levels it might make the process a little easier right at this moment but I understand it’s hard when you are worrying about your baby. I normally deal with things as they come now but I did have bad anxiety before I know it’s easier said than done, A defining criteria of autism is that the symptoms must be present in early childhood (ages 0-3). Clinically speaking, I find that classic autism is very obvious when a child is a toddler. Obvious, not necessarily more severe. Even with “mild” autism I find the *male* presentation to be very obvious. You have an infant and you’re getting intervention early. That’s a strength. I would focus on that. We will never truly know “what will be..” even with typically developing kids., This is a complicated question. My son was referred for EI at 18 months mostly due to a speech delay. At that time we didn't think there was anything unusual going on. He was diagnosed as level 1 autistic just after his third birthday. The experts saw signs that we were missing and up until he was diagnosed, I don't know that I even realized that's what he was being evaluated for. So while a child with higher support may be diagnosed earlier, I don't know that there's a one-size-fits-all answer. One day at a time. It's easier said than done, I know. But focus on today, and worry about tomorrow tomorrow., No, I think the main reason my kid was caught so early is that he already was in the EI system due to being Deaf. If it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't really have suspected it. His main signs were language delays, and I would have put that down to him being Deaf (w/o exposure to a fluent ASL environment from birth, thanks to COVID) and/or bilingual (ASL, English). I suspect it is very much parental knowledge or exposure to knowledgeable people., No, it definitely does not mean that your child has severe autism. My oldest grandson, was the first in the family to be diagnosed at 2 y.o., he had early intervention and went to a regular private school, and is doing great! He has autism but has flourished as he has learned he is unique and smarter than the average bear. Keep the faith mama!, Do you have any updates on this? Just hoping everything was fine afterwards., >Im scared he will be more severe since Im already seeing signs. Nah ... the signs are always there, regardless of how severe we are or aren't. Most parents just don't pick up on it very early because they don't know to look / don't know what to look for ... or because they're undiagnosed themselves and think the behavior is normal! (And yes, some kids are more difficult to spot because they mask. That doesn't mean the signs aren't there.) I know it can feel overwhelming, but try to just take things one day at a time. It's too early to worry as much as you seem to be!, I don't think so necessarily. I did know my son was autistic when he was 8 months and he is severe but there were different concerns than what you mentioned., My daughter is level 3 now at the age of 3, because she needs significant support at this specific moment in time. That doesn’t mean that she will be latter. I try to give her the best support I can and take it one day at a time. I’ve stopped looking at the milestones a long time ago. What good with it do. Comparison is the thief of joy. Your kid is so young still and even if it turns out to be autism try not to think too much in the future you’ll get yourself sick., What signs are you seeing at 10mo?, My son was put on the diagnosis pathway early due to him regressing at 10 months and failing to meet all milestones. He was extremely early to be considered for it though its not common at all that young to be showing definite signs. He's very severely autistic, My son was diagnosed at 22mo and is level 1. I feel like his progress would come in spurts., I have ppd, definitely that’s true. But also my baby doesn’t make good eye contact or smile much and barely laughs. Hes never clapped or waved or pointed. I feel like both things are true, I have ppd and my baby is autistic, and that is ok. I love him for who he is, but Im scared too and worried and I’m trying to help him., Yes so much on this kinda being a slap in the face. I read OP's comment history (call me a snoop, idc it's public for everyone to see) and she's been commenting in this sub for months leaving advice like she's a parent of an autistic child... Basically cosplaying as a parent of a disabled kid. Its weird and offensive. I even left advice on one of her posts without realizing it was about a 10 month old (i read 10 year old for some reason). Her infant sounds totally normal. She needs to get some help, for sure., I’m sorry, I definitely don’t mean any disrespect at all, I have immense respect for the parents in this community, truly. I honestly look up to everyone here and learn so much from their posts. I know I have anxiety but I am also seeing these signs in my baby and they are really happening and I do have a background working in pediatrics to know what’s not quite typical behavior. His head actually is on the cusp of going up to the 95%…so it’s not just baby big…it’s big. It’s all really scary for me. I just want the best for my son, like every parent, he’s my world and my one and only child. I’m going to take a break from this sub though…it seems like that might be best. I don’t want to offend anyone either, that’s not my intention at all., That’s not necessarily true. My son was put on the list for assessment at six months and had his diagnosis by the age of two., If you don’t mind me asking what are your 10 year old’s main struggles? It sounds like he’s conversational and can communicate - I thought the level 2/3s were usually children unable to do this., Hi,could you please tell me th signs you saw in your baby by 8 months?, The number one thing that’s convincing me is that still no clapping, waving or pointing. He does reach to be held and picked up and reaches towards objects when I’m holding him. Not sure if that means anything at all though. I think his eye contact could be better. He doesn’t laugh much which concerns me. His name response is poor. Only follows a point in close proximity. He is a high needs baby and can’t sleep independently. Poor eater outside of purées but it’s getting better slowly., He is only 10 months old. The milestones have age ranges and sometimes your baby wont reach the milestones until the later age range and thats perfectly normal. Just because the milestone says clapping 10 to 12 months does not mean your baby will clap exactly at 10 months old. People keep telling you this in multiple different subreddits but you arent listening. Your baby is probably not autistic but your anxiety is causing intrusive thoughts making you obsess over it. I hope you can reach out to get some help so you can enjoy your baby., Nah my neurotypical toddler didn’t do those things at ten months either., My NT son was delayed in almost every milestone. He didn’t walk until 18 months, didn’t talk until 2 years. My autistic son on the other hand was advanced and hit every milestone early. Autism isn’t always the go-to answer when it comes to developmental delays. Sometimes delays just happen. This is why they typically won’t even evaluate for autism until after age 2. I agree with everyone else, please get some help and stop over thinking everything. Let your baby be and just focus on who they are I’m sure everything will work out., Head size - Most of the time, it isn't a serious condition, so parents don't need to worry about it. In rare cases, it can be an indication that the baby has other health conditions. Focus on the most. On the whole, it's well over 97th percentile to be a concern., Worry about OBVIOUS delays you can see with your own two eyes, yes. That's fine at this age. Compulsively worry over a potential autism diagnosis, post in multiple subreddits multiple times a month asking if your literal infant is autistic, pathologize normal infant behavior and ignore everyone trying to calm you down, no. OP has severe post partum anxiety and needs help. Her post history says it all., Hi could you please tell what signs you saw in your 6 months old?, My 6yo son is a level 2 and he will talk your ear off. That’s not the sole criteria for diagnosing. He lacks emotional stability, is more social with adults than he is other kids, has a history of violent outbursts and eloping. I’m sure others can give you even more examples, but these are from my own personal experience., I'm not being sarcastic or snarky at all here, but seriously do yourself a favor and read and understand the actual DSM-V diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder. [https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html) Actual language impairment isn't actually a criteria for diagnosis. The two areas are social and behavioral. The emerging standard is to assign a level to social and behavioral categories individually rather then one general level. When I say "level 1/2" I mean level 1 in social, level 2 in behavioral. Hopefully that gives you the answer without subjecting you to me writing a novel? >DSM-V Diagnoses > >299.00 (F84.0) Autism Spectrum Disorder, > >Without an intellectual impairment, but working memory delays present > >Without accompanying language impairment > >“Requiring Support” (Level 1) in Social Communication & Interactions > >“Requiring Substantial Support” (Level 2) in Restricted, Repetitive, & Rigid Behaviors, Are you trolling us right now or are you being serious? You're literally describing a typical 10 month old baby while trying to convince yourself that you're seeing signs of ASD., Does he mimic your facial expressions? Does he imitate babbles? Is joint attention emerging? There’s a range for every milestone and I understand your anxiety. Pointing and waving shouldn’t even be a concern until 12 months at the very earliest and I mean some NT kids don’t point until 15 months. I was exactly like you and had a feeling very early on. Just spend as much time interacting with your little one as possible. You can’t change what the future holds., I knew, as in my gut, knew, from very early on. My baby never smiled unless physically touched and responding to the touch. Never gave eye contact. Had delays in ALL areas. Was then diagnosed with global developmental delays, as you'd expect. At that point, the paediatrician felt that focusing on these areas for any improvement before officially diagnosing to see if any improvements were preferable. We did, and yes, there were some, but like a previous poster, this was due to operations to resolve hearing issues/deafness. But, yes, I knew/suspected from very early on! However, autism is very present within the wider family. So, it wasn't unexpected per session either. At 18 months, I was advised that the baby would need a special school. Now, in mainstream school, there's more support needed, but can still access everything other children can, and notably, the biggest issue is the 'spiky profile'! The comorbidities have a significant impact, not solely the asd!, Agreed. There are many reasons why the baby may not do these things and it may not be autism. It is dangerous to diagnose something premature. Munchausen syndrome by proxy springs to mind., Thank you 🥹, ‘I’m not being sarcastic or snarky at all here…’ *goes on to be exactly that* Thanks for explaining anyway, He only smiles back and no he babbles but he doesn’t copy me. I see joint attention in a 3 point gaze 1-2x per day, sometimes more or les depending on the day and I think he’s trying to walk right now but I don’t even know., Please get some help for *you*. Your baby sounds completely fine. You're terrorizing yourself, and there's no way it's not negatively impacting your baby and partner. PPD is a beast, I've had it twice, and these intrusive and obsessive thoughts are so harmful. This is no way to live, and it's also not fair to your son. I've not seen ONE thing you've posted that is alarming for his development. He's a literal infant. Please don't do this. Get some help., Is this your first child by any chance?, Like, I even made sure to say that because "do yourself a favor" sounds like snark but I'm seriously saying to do yourself a favor and read it. Most people don't actually know the criteria and its quite informative to realize what is and is not in the criteria. Many traits commonly associated with Autism are not in the criteria at all. For example hand flapping and stimming actually have *nothing* to do with the diagnosis. Language impairment is not in the criteria, social deficits are. If I were trying to be a snarky asshole I wouldn't have put half that effort into actually answering your question.

Does it get worse?

I have an 18 month old who is highly suspected to have ASD. His language is evaluated to be in the 1% per his EI evaluation. Poor name recognition, doesn’t point. He’s a smiley, happy boy. Loves to engage with us for tickles and songs. Doesn’t do too much stimming yet - mostly hand clapping. Doesn’t seem to have any sensory aversions, eats fine. Plays with toys appropriately. I know every child is different and there is no crystal ball. But I find comfort reading other people’s experience and makes me feel like I know why to expect (I know impossible ) Are other traits going to reveal themselves/ worsen over time? Is he going to develop more sensory aversions? Hate changes in routine? Become less smiley? Overtime how would you say symptoms progressed? I would appreciate if anyone is willing to share their experience

I would say my son’s symptoms did not necessarily get “worse” as he grows older (in fact a lot of them gets better, like being able to express his wants, handle unexpected noises and accept new situations), but because other kids progress a lot faster than him in all areas, the gap between him and his peers only grows larger every year. It’s really tough to see what other kids his age can do vs. what he is able to do, but I just have to remind myself to be proud of his accomplishments and not to compare., My son sounds much like yours at 18 months. He's 4 now - he talks, points, and is super affectionate, social, and happy. I will admit that his stimming did increase. Whereas he had almost no stims at 2, they increased quite a bit around age 3 (but are still pretty minor in comparison to some of his ASD classmates). The demands on kids increase a lot, so although many ASD kids make huge progress in the early years, it's sometimes specifically progress on their "track" - not an NT track - so the gap widens between them and their NT peers as they age. I'm seeing that with my son now as the social demands increase. Whereas at age 2 or 3 it would have been hard for a casual observer to flag something different about him vs. other kids, it's more clear now. But as you said, every kid is different. I'd recommend focusing on his biggest deficits. Speech therapy and fine motor OT were ours. Other kids are more focused on PT, food therapy, etc. Wishing you lots of luck., Some things get “worse” (I would say more noticeable instead of worse) while others get better! My son sounds a lot like yours. He was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months (no cognitive or developmental delay). He didn’t stim at all then and now at 24 months - he is flapping, chewing everything, and pacing a lot. But, his language skills and eye contact have improved!, My 3yo started showing signs of autism at 18 months. She had severe language delay, but now she's made a LOT of progress. She speaks all day, lol. "Mom?", "Look!", and talking about Paw Patrol are her favorite words. She's more smiley than ever, she's started dancing, and she's fun to be around. However, the things that have gotten worse are pretty much age-related. She always wants things her way and throws temper tantrums if I say no. She's stubborn and rigid, just as most kids her age. She's never eaten veggies (broccoli only), but she does eat fruits, proteins, and bread, pasta (same all her life). Lately she's started to have strong opinions on her clothing, hilarious for such a small girl! And sometimes frustrating for me when she's firm on wearing a plain white shirt and shorts to a fancy party. But oh well., My son was also like yours at 18 months. Not responding to name, no words, no pointing or gestures, very difficult to engage. He is now nearly two a half and responds to his name nearly all the time, has close to 100 words and puts two words together, he points and has some gestures, he has no rigidity in terms of routines, no meltdowns, mostly a very happy little guy. And yet he is still more obviously autistic now, loves spinning wheels, is obsessed with numbers and shapes, loves going for walks and stopping at each letterbox to say the numbers, still has little interest in other children besides his brother, pretty fussy with food and is a terrible sleeper. He's still got challenges but for us it has definitely gotten better., My daughter is 3. Her only stim is what looks like a karate chop. She cycles through stims but that one always sticks.😂 she's still pretty much non verbal. She's got about 50ish words we've heard her say but she only uses maybe 5. Receptive has gotten SO much better over the past year, so has responding to her name. Still uses open hand point, except for books. She will point in books 🤷‍♀️ She's never had transition or routine troubles. She's VERY sensory seeking, no sensory aversion food included. Plays with toys as intended colors a lot. Overall I'd say she improved other than speech over the past 2 years. The way you describe your son reminds me of her at that age., My son is 3.5 and he was diagnosed as level 1-2 at 18 months and sounds a lot like your son at that time. My son has always been very cuddly, smiley, laughs a lot. The toughest thing for him is peer interaction, he is simply not interested in other kids so as he gets older that has been a big struggle. I will say I’ve had him in aba and speech and early intervention since diagnosis and it’s helped a lot. He mostly uses an aac but he can say a few words (with a lot of prompting), count to ten, identify all his colors. He is just now starting to develop some sensory aversions, which is interesting because he is super sensory seeking. Loud noises are really bothering him to the point of him crying and hitting whatever is making the loud noise. His eating has also gotten horrible, we are down to like 5 foods. He has literally never played with toys appropriately, he’s just not interested! We did realize about a month ago he is really good at puzzles so we have some 24-36 piece puzzles and he can finish it in minutes! He’s so smart and gets bored really easy so I have to work really hard to keep things interesting for him., It gets better. But it gets worse first. ASD toddlers and toddlers in general (but obviously not always) tend to get really bad at ages 2-4 at 5 or tends to get better slowly and then they become teenagers and well…again it’s not all teenagers but generally. (I really don’t want to make a generalisation honestly. There are some amazing teens out there) But as with all parenting there’s ups and downs., My kid was a lot like yours at 18 months. ASD traits were minimal enough that our pediatrician was sure she wasn’t autistic and her SLP didn’t suggested an evaluation. At 3, she had receptive and expressive language skills in the 1st and 2nd percentile. She was diagnosed level 2 at 5. She’s 6.5 now, still a happy, affectionate kid who talks a lot and likes her peers but doesn’t know how to socialize or play with them. She’s in a mainstream classroom and able to do the work and keep up with the language use. She’s developed a few issues around rigidity and anxiety but in retrospect there were early signs of that starting at 12-24 months. It’s impossible to predict but I lot of kids do progress without regressions or dramatic changes to their personality. It’s much more obvious that my kid is autistic now than at 18 months, but that’s simply because now she’s old enough that there’s an obvious difference in the way she talks and interacts relative to her peers (and things like wearing the same outfit to school every day, which she didn’t insist on as a toddler.), My son is 4.5. He was diagnosed at 23 months this. His atypicalities have increased over time ( such as sensory aversions, stimming, toe walking, etc) He has gained a lot of functional skills (improvement with his core deficits like social behavior, rigidness, communication) through early intervention though., Development is not linear. My son (16) has had ups and downs. He is level 2 and was diagnosed at age 3. We had high hopes that he would get less severe over time, but unfortunately his autism is much more debilitating now than it was when he was little. Puberty has been rough., At 18 months my son had no words, and we just started speech therapy. He also didn’t appear to have many stimming behaviors. Now he’s almost 4; he did speech really well and once we got going with that his speech noticeably improved every month. He only needed it for a year, and continued to progress after discharging. It’s not perfect now, I still think he’s behind some of his peers but he’s conversational with us and for the most part knows how to articulate his needs very well. We’ve reached a point where he’s reciting entire books to us at bedtime, which has been a huge parenting joy recently unlocked for us. Some things have also intensified since 18 months as well. He had some pretty catastrophic meltdown phases (and still does). Learning about PDA really helped us understand and work with him more. He used to be a halfway decent eater, now his list of safe foods is incredibly small. We’re only just starting to see some turnaround after working on it for months in OT, but it’s slight. He also became prohibitively shy from like 18mo-3.5ish. Like, not the “oh he’s a toddler” shy but like yelling at people for daring to engage with him shy. We’ve seen improvement in that now after lots of reiterating that he doesn’t have to speak to anyone he doesn’t want to, and that it’s okay to take space when he needs to. Prep time also helps, if he knows what’s going to happen ahead of time. Knowing he has autonomy I think shifted things for him quite a bit. Every kid is different, so it’s hard to say what will get worse and what will get better! But you know that :) I always tell people “if you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism” because it presents so differently in everyone. Our son has benefited the most from us being observant, curious, and good advocates for him. You sound very similar, it sounds like he’s in great hands!, Daughter was similar she’s now 3 and has been in speech for a year and OT for a few months. She just started ABA also. Biggest improvements were eye contact and name recognition plus language. We are working on longer sentences currently because she has a very good noun base now. So much has improved especially sleep. We moved her into her room put a baby door knob on it and baby proofed it. She sleeps over 12 hours. This was a child that would only sleep 3 hours then would be awake 4-5. Im so proud of her. Things that have changed was certain stimming behaviors like clicking her tongue. It makes me cringe I’m likely neurodivergent. It’s so loud 😵‍💫, My 3 year old is level 1 and sounds just like yours! As much as I grieve for him, I also can't help but think of how lucky I am with mine! 90% of ASD kids have sensory issues and rigid routines but my son has no sensory overload problems, minimal stimming (He vibrates his lips) and he LOVES new places and trying new things. Hes a smiley little guy and loves play! He's actually always been very flexable and does his own thing but wants mama to be by him. I haven't seen anything getting worse really with age. If anything it's kinda like a gap that slowly gets wider and wider every year. He started out making every last milestone on time the first year, but as the years went on he fell more and more behind. He's now a whole year behind and is mentally a 2 year old which terrifies me! If it just...stayed like that where he was ALWAYS behind 1 year, that wouldn't be so bad if bad at all for him to be 15 one day, but having just a 14 yr old mindset....but sadly I think the hardest part is that that's kinda wishful thinking and I think he's gonna be even more than just 1 year behind by the time he's 15. All I can do is pray the mental age gap isn't too big. But his communication back and forth are what I wanna work on with him! Cuz that's the big mile stone gap with him. Not saying anyone by name (grandma, grandpa, mama) when he needs me but he is also VERY verbal and copies EVERYTHING! so I'm not worried about his vocabulary. It's how he uses it that makes me worry and sad. OH but I will say that he's gotten better with responding to his name! He's gotten alot better with SOME communication like he'll say "milk" and "snack" when he wants snack. I'm working on him knowing "fridge" and other words so he can let me know if he wants fridge and stuff like that!, A lot of the prototypical autistic behaviors and characteristics start around 3-4. Sensory issues, rigidness, stimming etc., Thank you that is so hopeful. I’m already struggling with not trying to compare to NT kids, my best friend has a son the same age and it is so heartbreaking. Would you say his sleep patterns changed at all?, All of these comments about their kids barely stimming.... At 15 months, my son is rocking, hand flapping, getting up on his toes in excitement, leans down on his head, shakes his head, head banging.... I know I'm even forgetting one or two. This is really making me freak out., Thank you so much for sharing! Wishing you luck as well ❤️, Thank you for sharing! That gives me hope! I’m definitely most worried about the language piece. Sorry what do you mean exactly by developmental delay? I understand it as a more general term. My son mostly has language delay, motor is great!, Thank you that’s gives me SO much hope. His affect is what I’m so afraid of losing. Would you say her sleep changed at all over time?, This sounds like my son. He is 3 but babbling. It's like when it's quiet he tries to teach himself words... almost said ball the other day. Coming out with more vowels. Is there anything specific that you did that you can share? I'm always looking to help him improve his speach., Thank you for sharing! My son also only points in books and is VERY sensory seeking, loves to run, tickles, and use me as a jungle gym. How would you say sleep has been? Mine is a great sleeper (right now), Mine is also really good at puzzles! Did your son have a severe speech delay? I always assumed that with severe speech delay it’s usually a level 2 or 3, Thank you for sharing! I will be on the look out for those things. I’m so happy to hear her speech has improved so much, that’s amazing, Thank you so much for your feedback! That’s so nice to hear your son’s speech has improved so much. How was his receptive language early on? My son seems to almost have none and we are trying so hard get him to learn more but it’s so hard, Thank you so much for sharing! How was and is his receptive language? That is one my biggest worries as he doesn’t understand much right now. I also wish it was just a one year delay, that would be an absolute dream come true, He was a terrible sleeper when he was a baby, and after putting a lot of work into it, he now sleeps by himself through the night every night, so that is one thing that got better!, Have you had him assessed yet? Only a professional can tell you for sure. There are all different “flavors” of autism. My 4 year old rarely stimmed, and still does so minimally, and is level 2 and verbal. Other kids I’ve met stimmed a ton and outgrew it and are now level 1 as 10 year olds., At 18 months, I never would've imagined my child would make so much progress by 3. I hope the same happens to you 🤍 My daughter's been a good sleeper since she was around 1, but she almost always needs mommy to be with her till she falls asleep. To be honest, I'm pretty bad with her bed time routine (no fixed time, tv till late). If it was more ordered and predictable, perhaps she could fall sleep by herself., Unfortunately I really don't because I never know when it's coming. We'll be sitting outside and she'll randomly say BALL! And run to the ball. Or at speech she always gets a lollipop at the end, shell say UCKER! (People in my area call them suckers) sometimes she answers yes no questions. I just meet her where she's at. Things I do though are I always try to give her an opportunity to speak so I use long pauses between saying one, two............threeeee. or the rule of three, like oh, bubbles? You want bubbles? Okay, let's do bubbles!, Around 2 it got worse. She started skipping naps, waking up in the middle of the night. She's never been one to need a lot of sleep. She sleeps about 9 ish hours at a time. So if she skips her nap and we put her in bed at 7-8 she's awake anywhere between 3-5 and ready to party..but if we leave her alone she'll go back to sleep around 630 or so. Lol. So we just try to have her take even a 20-30 min nap so she'll go to sleep around 10 and wake up at 630-7. Over all though it's not too bad. It just takes her a really long time to fall asleep. She's also suspected to have ADHD., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., No my son is level 1, has speech delay. And ive known other autism moms that have NONE VERBAL kids with level 1 as well! The levels are about the amount of help they need. Not about what they can do. If that makes sense!, Yeah his receptive language isn't great. He doesn't take direction often but sometimes he gets it right! Like yesterday on Thanksgiving his grandma kept telling him "turn around and go down!!" In a playful way and he'd turn around and go down on the couch!! Over and over! So it does improve, at least for my son it's getting better, it's just very very slow and behind! He doesn't say "okay mama" if I tell him to do something and he definitely doesn't take direction much. But it does improve! Just not on NTs time line! But I know 😞 at first I kinda made myself believe it would always be a year behind as a way to make myself feel better. But it actually took me typing the truth here that made me realize that I'm just kidding myself. But as long as he grows up with a job, Maybe a family if that's what he wants, and a life all his own, that's what I care about. It's my biggest concern., We are working on it. He is working with therapists, one of them that specializes in autism. Thank you so much for your answer!, Thank you so much. I need all the good vibes. Best wishes to you and your little one, I won’t tell you not to be anxious because goodness knows I was, but I WILL say it gets a lot easier when you have answers. Not knowing is so hard! Your son is lucky to have you!! , I would say my son’s symptoms did not necessarily get “worse” as he grows older (in fact a lot of them gets better, like being able to express his wants, handle unexpected noises and accept new situations), but because other kids progress a lot faster than him in all areas, the gap between him and his peers only grows larger every year. It’s really tough to see what other kids his age can do vs. what he is able to do, but I just have to remind myself to be proud of his accomplishments and not to compare., My son sounds much like yours at 18 months. He's 4 now - he talks, points, and is super affectionate, social, and happy. I will admit that his stimming did increase. Whereas he had almost no stims at 2, they increased quite a bit around age 3 (but are still pretty minor in comparison to some of his ASD classmates). The demands on kids increase a lot, so although many ASD kids make huge progress in the early years, it's sometimes specifically progress on their "track" - not an NT track - so the gap widens between them and their NT peers as they age. I'm seeing that with my son now as the social demands increase. Whereas at age 2 or 3 it would have been hard for a casual observer to flag something different about him vs. other kids, it's more clear now. But as you said, every kid is different. I'd recommend focusing on his biggest deficits. Speech therapy and fine motor OT were ours. Other kids are more focused on PT, food therapy, etc. Wishing you lots of luck., Some things get “worse” (I would say more noticeable instead of worse) while others get better! My son sounds a lot like yours. He was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months (no cognitive or developmental delay). He didn’t stim at all then and now at 24 months - he is flapping, chewing everything, and pacing a lot. But, his language skills and eye contact have improved!, My 3yo started showing signs of autism at 18 months. She had severe language delay, but now she's made a LOT of progress. She speaks all day, lol. "Mom?", "Look!", and talking about Paw Patrol are her favorite words. She's more smiley than ever, she's started dancing, and she's fun to be around. However, the things that have gotten worse are pretty much age-related. She always wants things her way and throws temper tantrums if I say no. She's stubborn and rigid, just as most kids her age. She's never eaten veggies (broccoli only), but she does eat fruits, proteins, and bread, pasta (same all her life). Lately she's started to have strong opinions on her clothing, hilarious for such a small girl! And sometimes frustrating for me when she's firm on wearing a plain white shirt and shorts to a fancy party. But oh well., My son was also like yours at 18 months. Not responding to name, no words, no pointing or gestures, very difficult to engage. He is now nearly two a half and responds to his name nearly all the time, has close to 100 words and puts two words together, he points and has some gestures, he has no rigidity in terms of routines, no meltdowns, mostly a very happy little guy. And yet he is still more obviously autistic now, loves spinning wheels, is obsessed with numbers and shapes, loves going for walks and stopping at each letterbox to say the numbers, still has little interest in other children besides his brother, pretty fussy with food and is a terrible sleeper. He's still got challenges but for us it has definitely gotten better., My daughter is 3. Her only stim is what looks like a karate chop. She cycles through stims but that one always sticks.😂 she's still pretty much non verbal. She's got about 50ish words we've heard her say but she only uses maybe 5. Receptive has gotten SO much better over the past year, so has responding to her name. Still uses open hand point, except for books. She will point in books 🤷‍♀️ She's never had transition or routine troubles. She's VERY sensory seeking, no sensory aversion food included. Plays with toys as intended colors a lot. Overall I'd say she improved other than speech over the past 2 years. The way you describe your son reminds me of her at that age., My son is 3.5 and he was diagnosed as level 1-2 at 18 months and sounds a lot like your son at that time. My son has always been very cuddly, smiley, laughs a lot. The toughest thing for him is peer interaction, he is simply not interested in other kids so as he gets older that has been a big struggle. I will say I’ve had him in aba and speech and early intervention since diagnosis and it’s helped a lot. He mostly uses an aac but he can say a few words (with a lot of prompting), count to ten, identify all his colors. He is just now starting to develop some sensory aversions, which is interesting because he is super sensory seeking. Loud noises are really bothering him to the point of him crying and hitting whatever is making the loud noise. His eating has also gotten horrible, we are down to like 5 foods. He has literally never played with toys appropriately, he’s just not interested! We did realize about a month ago he is really good at puzzles so we have some 24-36 piece puzzles and he can finish it in minutes! He’s so smart and gets bored really easy so I have to work really hard to keep things interesting for him., It gets better. But it gets worse first. ASD toddlers and toddlers in general (but obviously not always) tend to get really bad at ages 2-4 at 5 or tends to get better slowly and then they become teenagers and well…again it’s not all teenagers but generally. (I really don’t want to make a generalisation honestly. There are some amazing teens out there) But as with all parenting there’s ups and downs., My kid was a lot like yours at 18 months. ASD traits were minimal enough that our pediatrician was sure she wasn’t autistic and her SLP didn’t suggested an evaluation. At 3, she had receptive and expressive language skills in the 1st and 2nd percentile. She was diagnosed level 2 at 5. She’s 6.5 now, still a happy, affectionate kid who talks a lot and likes her peers but doesn’t know how to socialize or play with them. She’s in a mainstream classroom and able to do the work and keep up with the language use. She’s developed a few issues around rigidity and anxiety but in retrospect there were early signs of that starting at 12-24 months. It’s impossible to predict but I lot of kids do progress without regressions or dramatic changes to their personality. It’s much more obvious that my kid is autistic now than at 18 months, but that’s simply because now she’s old enough that there’s an obvious difference in the way she talks and interacts relative to her peers (and things like wearing the same outfit to school every day, which she didn’t insist on as a toddler.), My son is 4.5. He was diagnosed at 23 months this. His atypicalities have increased over time ( such as sensory aversions, stimming, toe walking, etc) He has gained a lot of functional skills (improvement with his core deficits like social behavior, rigidness, communication) through early intervention though., Development is not linear. My son (16) has had ups and downs. He is level 2 and was diagnosed at age 3. We had high hopes that he would get less severe over time, but unfortunately his autism is much more debilitating now than it was when he was little. Puberty has been rough., At 18 months my son had no words, and we just started speech therapy. He also didn’t appear to have many stimming behaviors. Now he’s almost 4; he did speech really well and once we got going with that his speech noticeably improved every month. He only needed it for a year, and continued to progress after discharging. It’s not perfect now, I still think he’s behind some of his peers but he’s conversational with us and for the most part knows how to articulate his needs very well. We’ve reached a point where he’s reciting entire books to us at bedtime, which has been a huge parenting joy recently unlocked for us. Some things have also intensified since 18 months as well. He had some pretty catastrophic meltdown phases (and still does). Learning about PDA really helped us understand and work with him more. He used to be a halfway decent eater, now his list of safe foods is incredibly small. We’re only just starting to see some turnaround after working on it for months in OT, but it’s slight. He also became prohibitively shy from like 18mo-3.5ish. Like, not the “oh he’s a toddler” shy but like yelling at people for daring to engage with him shy. We’ve seen improvement in that now after lots of reiterating that he doesn’t have to speak to anyone he doesn’t want to, and that it’s okay to take space when he needs to. Prep time also helps, if he knows what’s going to happen ahead of time. Knowing he has autonomy I think shifted things for him quite a bit. Every kid is different, so it’s hard to say what will get worse and what will get better! But you know that :) I always tell people “if you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism” because it presents so differently in everyone. Our son has benefited the most from us being observant, curious, and good advocates for him. You sound very similar, it sounds like he’s in great hands!, Daughter was similar she’s now 3 and has been in speech for a year and OT for a few months. She just started ABA also. Biggest improvements were eye contact and name recognition plus language. We are working on longer sentences currently because she has a very good noun base now. So much has improved especially sleep. We moved her into her room put a baby door knob on it and baby proofed it. She sleeps over 12 hours. This was a child that would only sleep 3 hours then would be awake 4-5. Im so proud of her. Things that have changed was certain stimming behaviors like clicking her tongue. It makes me cringe I’m likely neurodivergent. It’s so loud 😵‍💫, My 3 year old is level 1 and sounds just like yours! As much as I grieve for him, I also can't help but think of how lucky I am with mine! 90% of ASD kids have sensory issues and rigid routines but my son has no sensory overload problems, minimal stimming (He vibrates his lips) and he LOVES new places and trying new things. Hes a smiley little guy and loves play! He's actually always been very flexable and does his own thing but wants mama to be by him. I haven't seen anything getting worse really with age. If anything it's kinda like a gap that slowly gets wider and wider every year. He started out making every last milestone on time the first year, but as the years went on he fell more and more behind. He's now a whole year behind and is mentally a 2 year old which terrifies me! If it just...stayed like that where he was ALWAYS behind 1 year, that wouldn't be so bad if bad at all for him to be 15 one day, but having just a 14 yr old mindset....but sadly I think the hardest part is that that's kinda wishful thinking and I think he's gonna be even more than just 1 year behind by the time he's 15. All I can do is pray the mental age gap isn't too big. But his communication back and forth are what I wanna work on with him! Cuz that's the big mile stone gap with him. Not saying anyone by name (grandma, grandpa, mama) when he needs me but he is also VERY verbal and copies EVERYTHING! so I'm not worried about his vocabulary. It's how he uses it that makes me worry and sad. OH but I will say that he's gotten better with responding to his name! He's gotten alot better with SOME communication like he'll say "milk" and "snack" when he wants snack. I'm working on him knowing "fridge" and other words so he can let me know if he wants fridge and stuff like that!, A lot of the prototypical autistic behaviors and characteristics start around 3-4. Sensory issues, rigidness, stimming etc., Thank you that is so hopeful. I’m already struggling with not trying to compare to NT kids, my best friend has a son the same age and it is so heartbreaking. Would you say his sleep patterns changed at all?, All of these comments about their kids barely stimming.... At 15 months, my son is rocking, hand flapping, getting up on his toes in excitement, leans down on his head, shakes his head, head banging.... I know I'm even forgetting one or two. This is really making me freak out., Thank you so much for sharing! Wishing you luck as well ❤️, Thank you for sharing! That gives me hope! I’m definitely most worried about the language piece. Sorry what do you mean exactly by developmental delay? I understand it as a more general term. My son mostly has language delay, motor is great!, Thank you that’s gives me SO much hope. His affect is what I’m so afraid of losing. Would you say her sleep changed at all over time?, This sounds like my son. He is 3 but babbling. It's like when it's quiet he tries to teach himself words... almost said ball the other day. Coming out with more vowels. Is there anything specific that you did that you can share? I'm always looking to help him improve his speach., Thank you for sharing! My son also only points in books and is VERY sensory seeking, loves to run, tickles, and use me as a jungle gym. How would you say sleep has been? Mine is a great sleeper (right now), Mine is also really good at puzzles! Did your son have a severe speech delay? I always assumed that with severe speech delay it’s usually a level 2 or 3, Thank you for sharing! I will be on the look out for those things. I’m so happy to hear her speech has improved so much, that’s amazing, Thank you so much for your feedback! That’s so nice to hear your son’s speech has improved so much. How was his receptive language early on? My son seems to almost have none and we are trying so hard get him to learn more but it’s so hard, Thank you so much for sharing! How was and is his receptive language? That is one my biggest worries as he doesn’t understand much right now. I also wish it was just a one year delay, that would be an absolute dream come true, He was a terrible sleeper when he was a baby, and after putting a lot of work into it, he now sleeps by himself through the night every night, so that is one thing that got better!, Have you had him assessed yet? Only a professional can tell you for sure. There are all different “flavors” of autism. My 4 year old rarely stimmed, and still does so minimally, and is level 2 and verbal. Other kids I’ve met stimmed a ton and outgrew it and are now level 1 as 10 year olds., At 18 months, I never would've imagined my child would make so much progress by 3. I hope the same happens to you 🤍 My daughter's been a good sleeper since she was around 1, but she almost always needs mommy to be with her till she falls asleep. To be honest, I'm pretty bad with her bed time routine (no fixed time, tv till late). If it was more ordered and predictable, perhaps she could fall sleep by herself., Unfortunately I really don't because I never know when it's coming. We'll be sitting outside and she'll randomly say BALL! And run to the ball. Or at speech she always gets a lollipop at the end, shell say UCKER! (People in my area call them suckers) sometimes she answers yes no questions. I just meet her where she's at. Things I do though are I always try to give her an opportunity to speak so I use long pauses between saying one, two............threeeee. or the rule of three, like oh, bubbles? You want bubbles? Okay, let's do bubbles!, Around 2 it got worse. She started skipping naps, waking up in the middle of the night. She's never been one to need a lot of sleep. She sleeps about 9 ish hours at a time. So if she skips her nap and we put her in bed at 7-8 she's awake anywhere between 3-5 and ready to party..but if we leave her alone she'll go back to sleep around 630 or so. Lol. So we just try to have her take even a 20-30 min nap so she'll go to sleep around 10 and wake up at 630-7. Over all though it's not too bad. It just takes her a really long time to fall asleep. She's also suspected to have ADHD., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., No my son is level 1, has speech delay. And ive known other autism moms that have NONE VERBAL kids with level 1 as well! The levels are about the amount of help they need. Not about what they can do. If that makes sense!, Yeah his receptive language isn't great. He doesn't take direction often but sometimes he gets it right! Like yesterday on Thanksgiving his grandma kept telling him "turn around and go down!!" In a playful way and he'd turn around and go down on the couch!! Over and over! So it does improve, at least for my son it's getting better, it's just very very slow and behind! He doesn't say "okay mama" if I tell him to do something and he definitely doesn't take direction much. But it does improve! Just not on NTs time line! But I know 😞 at first I kinda made myself believe it would always be a year behind as a way to make myself feel better. But it actually took me typing the truth here that made me realize that I'm just kidding myself. But as long as he grows up with a job, Maybe a family if that's what he wants, and a life all his own, that's what I care about. It's my biggest concern., We are working on it. He is working with therapists, one of them that specializes in autism. Thank you so much for your answer!, Thank you so much. I need all the good vibes. Best wishes to you and your little one, I won’t tell you not to be anxious because goodness knows I was, but I WILL say it gets a lot easier when you have answers. Not knowing is so hard! Your son is lucky to have you!! , I would say my son’s symptoms did not necessarily get “worse” as he grows older (in fact a lot of them gets better, like being able to express his wants, handle unexpected noises and accept new situations), but because other kids progress a lot faster than him in all areas, the gap between him and his peers only grows larger every year. It’s really tough to see what other kids his age can do vs. what he is able to do, but I just have to remind myself to be proud of his accomplishments and not to compare., My son sounds much like yours at 18 months. He's 4 now - he talks, points, and is super affectionate, social, and happy. I will admit that his stimming did increase. Whereas he had almost no stims at 2, they increased quite a bit around age 3 (but are still pretty minor in comparison to some of his ASD classmates). The demands on kids increase a lot, so although many ASD kids make huge progress in the early years, it's sometimes specifically progress on their "track" - not an NT track - so the gap widens between them and their NT peers as they age. I'm seeing that with my son now as the social demands increase. Whereas at age 2 or 3 it would have been hard for a casual observer to flag something different about him vs. other kids, it's more clear now. But as you said, every kid is different. I'd recommend focusing on his biggest deficits. Speech therapy and fine motor OT were ours. Other kids are more focused on PT, food therapy, etc. Wishing you lots of luck., Some things get “worse” (I would say more noticeable instead of worse) while others get better! My son sounds a lot like yours. He was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months (no cognitive or developmental delay). He didn’t stim at all then and now at 24 months - he is flapping, chewing everything, and pacing a lot. But, his language skills and eye contact have improved!, My 3yo started showing signs of autism at 18 months. She had severe language delay, but now she's made a LOT of progress. She speaks all day, lol. "Mom?", "Look!", and talking about Paw Patrol are her favorite words. She's more smiley than ever, she's started dancing, and she's fun to be around. However, the things that have gotten worse are pretty much age-related. She always wants things her way and throws temper tantrums if I say no. She's stubborn and rigid, just as most kids her age. She's never eaten veggies (broccoli only), but she does eat fruits, proteins, and bread, pasta (same all her life). Lately she's started to have strong opinions on her clothing, hilarious for such a small girl! And sometimes frustrating for me when she's firm on wearing a plain white shirt and shorts to a fancy party. But oh well., My son was also like yours at 18 months. Not responding to name, no words, no pointing or gestures, very difficult to engage. He is now nearly two a half and responds to his name nearly all the time, has close to 100 words and puts two words together, he points and has some gestures, he has no rigidity in terms of routines, no meltdowns, mostly a very happy little guy. And yet he is still more obviously autistic now, loves spinning wheels, is obsessed with numbers and shapes, loves going for walks and stopping at each letterbox to say the numbers, still has little interest in other children besides his brother, pretty fussy with food and is a terrible sleeper. He's still got challenges but for us it has definitely gotten better., My daughter is 3. Her only stim is what looks like a karate chop. She cycles through stims but that one always sticks.😂 she's still pretty much non verbal. She's got about 50ish words we've heard her say but she only uses maybe 5. Receptive has gotten SO much better over the past year, so has responding to her name. Still uses open hand point, except for books. She will point in books 🤷‍♀️ She's never had transition or routine troubles. She's VERY sensory seeking, no sensory aversion food included. Plays with toys as intended colors a lot. Overall I'd say she improved other than speech over the past 2 years. The way you describe your son reminds me of her at that age., My son is 3.5 and he was diagnosed as level 1-2 at 18 months and sounds a lot like your son at that time. My son has always been very cuddly, smiley, laughs a lot. The toughest thing for him is peer interaction, he is simply not interested in other kids so as he gets older that has been a big struggle. I will say I’ve had him in aba and speech and early intervention since diagnosis and it’s helped a lot. He mostly uses an aac but he can say a few words (with a lot of prompting), count to ten, identify all his colors. He is just now starting to develop some sensory aversions, which is interesting because he is super sensory seeking. Loud noises are really bothering him to the point of him crying and hitting whatever is making the loud noise. His eating has also gotten horrible, we are down to like 5 foods. He has literally never played with toys appropriately, he’s just not interested! We did realize about a month ago he is really good at puzzles so we have some 24-36 piece puzzles and he can finish it in minutes! He’s so smart and gets bored really easy so I have to work really hard to keep things interesting for him., It gets better. But it gets worse first. ASD toddlers and toddlers in general (but obviously not always) tend to get really bad at ages 2-4 at 5 or tends to get better slowly and then they become teenagers and well…again it’s not all teenagers but generally. (I really don’t want to make a generalisation honestly. There are some amazing teens out there) But as with all parenting there’s ups and downs., My kid was a lot like yours at 18 months. ASD traits were minimal enough that our pediatrician was sure she wasn’t autistic and her SLP didn’t suggested an evaluation. At 3, she had receptive and expressive language skills in the 1st and 2nd percentile. She was diagnosed level 2 at 5. She’s 6.5 now, still a happy, affectionate kid who talks a lot and likes her peers but doesn’t know how to socialize or play with them. She’s in a mainstream classroom and able to do the work and keep up with the language use. She’s developed a few issues around rigidity and anxiety but in retrospect there were early signs of that starting at 12-24 months. It’s impossible to predict but I lot of kids do progress without regressions or dramatic changes to their personality. It’s much more obvious that my kid is autistic now than at 18 months, but that’s simply because now she’s old enough that there’s an obvious difference in the way she talks and interacts relative to her peers (and things like wearing the same outfit to school every day, which she didn’t insist on as a toddler.), My son is 4.5. He was diagnosed at 23 months this. His atypicalities have increased over time ( such as sensory aversions, stimming, toe walking, etc) He has gained a lot of functional skills (improvement with his core deficits like social behavior, rigidness, communication) through early intervention though., Development is not linear. My son (16) has had ups and downs. He is level 2 and was diagnosed at age 3. We had high hopes that he would get less severe over time, but unfortunately his autism is much more debilitating now than it was when he was little. Puberty has been rough., At 18 months my son had no words, and we just started speech therapy. He also didn’t appear to have many stimming behaviors. Now he’s almost 4; he did speech really well and once we got going with that his speech noticeably improved every month. He only needed it for a year, and continued to progress after discharging. It’s not perfect now, I still think he’s behind some of his peers but he’s conversational with us and for the most part knows how to articulate his needs very well. We’ve reached a point where he’s reciting entire books to us at bedtime, which has been a huge parenting joy recently unlocked for us. Some things have also intensified since 18 months as well. He had some pretty catastrophic meltdown phases (and still does). Learning about PDA really helped us understand and work with him more. He used to be a halfway decent eater, now his list of safe foods is incredibly small. We’re only just starting to see some turnaround after working on it for months in OT, but it’s slight. He also became prohibitively shy from like 18mo-3.5ish. Like, not the “oh he’s a toddler” shy but like yelling at people for daring to engage with him shy. We’ve seen improvement in that now after lots of reiterating that he doesn’t have to speak to anyone he doesn’t want to, and that it’s okay to take space when he needs to. Prep time also helps, if he knows what’s going to happen ahead of time. Knowing he has autonomy I think shifted things for him quite a bit. Every kid is different, so it’s hard to say what will get worse and what will get better! But you know that :) I always tell people “if you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism” because it presents so differently in everyone. Our son has benefited the most from us being observant, curious, and good advocates for him. You sound very similar, it sounds like he’s in great hands!, Daughter was similar she’s now 3 and has been in speech for a year and OT for a few months. She just started ABA also. Biggest improvements were eye contact and name recognition plus language. We are working on longer sentences currently because she has a very good noun base now. So much has improved especially sleep. We moved her into her room put a baby door knob on it and baby proofed it. She sleeps over 12 hours. This was a child that would only sleep 3 hours then would be awake 4-5. Im so proud of her. Things that have changed was certain stimming behaviors like clicking her tongue. It makes me cringe I’m likely neurodivergent. It’s so loud 😵‍💫, My 3 year old is level 1 and sounds just like yours! As much as I grieve for him, I also can't help but think of how lucky I am with mine! 90% of ASD kids have sensory issues and rigid routines but my son has no sensory overload problems, minimal stimming (He vibrates his lips) and he LOVES new places and trying new things. Hes a smiley little guy and loves play! He's actually always been very flexable and does his own thing but wants mama to be by him. I haven't seen anything getting worse really with age. If anything it's kinda like a gap that slowly gets wider and wider every year. He started out making every last milestone on time the first year, but as the years went on he fell more and more behind. He's now a whole year behind and is mentally a 2 year old which terrifies me! If it just...stayed like that where he was ALWAYS behind 1 year, that wouldn't be so bad if bad at all for him to be 15 one day, but having just a 14 yr old mindset....but sadly I think the hardest part is that that's kinda wishful thinking and I think he's gonna be even more than just 1 year behind by the time he's 15. All I can do is pray the mental age gap isn't too big. But his communication back and forth are what I wanna work on with him! Cuz that's the big mile stone gap with him. Not saying anyone by name (grandma, grandpa, mama) when he needs me but he is also VERY verbal and copies EVERYTHING! so I'm not worried about his vocabulary. It's how he uses it that makes me worry and sad. OH but I will say that he's gotten better with responding to his name! He's gotten alot better with SOME communication like he'll say "milk" and "snack" when he wants snack. I'm working on him knowing "fridge" and other words so he can let me know if he wants fridge and stuff like that!, A lot of the prototypical autistic behaviors and characteristics start around 3-4. Sensory issues, rigidness, stimming etc., Thank you that is so hopeful. I’m already struggling with not trying to compare to NT kids, my best friend has a son the same age and it is so heartbreaking. Would you say his sleep patterns changed at all?, All of these comments about their kids barely stimming.... At 15 months, my son is rocking, hand flapping, getting up on his toes in excitement, leans down on his head, shakes his head, head banging.... I know I'm even forgetting one or two. This is really making me freak out., Thank you so much for sharing! Wishing you luck as well ❤️, Thank you for sharing! That gives me hope! I’m definitely most worried about the language piece. Sorry what do you mean exactly by developmental delay? I understand it as a more general term. My son mostly has language delay, motor is great!, Thank you that’s gives me SO much hope. His affect is what I’m so afraid of losing. Would you say her sleep changed at all over time?, This sounds like my son. He is 3 but babbling. It's like when it's quiet he tries to teach himself words... almost said ball the other day. Coming out with more vowels. Is there anything specific that you did that you can share? I'm always looking to help him improve his speach., Thank you for sharing! My son also only points in books and is VERY sensory seeking, loves to run, tickles, and use me as a jungle gym. How would you say sleep has been? Mine is a great sleeper (right now), Mine is also really good at puzzles! Did your son have a severe speech delay? I always assumed that with severe speech delay it’s usually a level 2 or 3, Thank you for sharing! I will be on the look out for those things. I’m so happy to hear her speech has improved so much, that’s amazing, Thank you so much for your feedback! That’s so nice to hear your son’s speech has improved so much. How was his receptive language early on? My son seems to almost have none and we are trying so hard get him to learn more but it’s so hard, Thank you so much for sharing! How was and is his receptive language? That is one my biggest worries as he doesn’t understand much right now. I also wish it was just a one year delay, that would be an absolute dream come true, He was a terrible sleeper when he was a baby, and after putting a lot of work into it, he now sleeps by himself through the night every night, so that is one thing that got better!, Have you had him assessed yet? Only a professional can tell you for sure. There are all different “flavors” of autism. My 4 year old rarely stimmed, and still does so minimally, and is level 2 and verbal. Other kids I’ve met stimmed a ton and outgrew it and are now level 1 as 10 year olds., At 18 months, I never would've imagined my child would make so much progress by 3. I hope the same happens to you 🤍 My daughter's been a good sleeper since she was around 1, but she almost always needs mommy to be with her till she falls asleep. To be honest, I'm pretty bad with her bed time routine (no fixed time, tv till late). If it was more ordered and predictable, perhaps she could fall sleep by herself., Unfortunately I really don't because I never know when it's coming. We'll be sitting outside and she'll randomly say BALL! And run to the ball. Or at speech she always gets a lollipop at the end, shell say UCKER! (People in my area call them suckers) sometimes she answers yes no questions. I just meet her where she's at. Things I do though are I always try to give her an opportunity to speak so I use long pauses between saying one, two............threeeee. or the rule of three, like oh, bubbles? You want bubbles? Okay, let's do bubbles!, Around 2 it got worse. She started skipping naps, waking up in the middle of the night. She's never been one to need a lot of sleep. She sleeps about 9 ish hours at a time. So if she skips her nap and we put her in bed at 7-8 she's awake anywhere between 3-5 and ready to party..but if we leave her alone she'll go back to sleep around 630 or so. Lol. So we just try to have her take even a 20-30 min nap so she'll go to sleep around 10 and wake up at 630-7. Over all though it's not too bad. It just takes her a really long time to fall asleep. She's also suspected to have ADHD., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., No my son is level 1, has speech delay. And ive known other autism moms that have NONE VERBAL kids with level 1 as well! The levels are about the amount of help they need. Not about what they can do. If that makes sense!, Yeah his receptive language isn't great. He doesn't take direction often but sometimes he gets it right! Like yesterday on Thanksgiving his grandma kept telling him "turn around and go down!!" In a playful way and he'd turn around and go down on the couch!! Over and over! So it does improve, at least for my son it's getting better, it's just very very slow and behind! He doesn't say "okay mama" if I tell him to do something and he definitely doesn't take direction much. But it does improve! Just not on NTs time line! But I know 😞 at first I kinda made myself believe it would always be a year behind as a way to make myself feel better. But it actually took me typing the truth here that made me realize that I'm just kidding myself. But as long as he grows up with a job, Maybe a family if that's what he wants, and a life all his own, that's what I care about. It's my biggest concern., We are working on it. He is working with therapists, one of them that specializes in autism. Thank you so much for your answer!, Thank you so much. I need all the good vibes. Best wishes to you and your little one, I won’t tell you not to be anxious because goodness knows I was, but I WILL say it gets a lot easier when you have answers. Not knowing is so hard! Your son is lucky to have you!! , I would say my son’s symptoms did not necessarily get “worse” as he grows older (in fact a lot of them gets better, like being able to express his wants, handle unexpected noises and accept new situations), but because other kids progress a lot faster than him in all areas, the gap between him and his peers only grows larger every year. It’s really tough to see what other kids his age can do vs. what he is able to do, but I just have to remind myself to be proud of his accomplishments and not to compare., My son sounds much like yours at 18 months. He's 4 now - he talks, points, and is super affectionate, social, and happy. I will admit that his stimming did increase. Whereas he had almost no stims at 2, they increased quite a bit around age 3 (but are still pretty minor in comparison to some of his ASD classmates). The demands on kids increase a lot, so although many ASD kids make huge progress in the early years, it's sometimes specifically progress on their "track" - not an NT track - so the gap widens between them and their NT peers as they age. I'm seeing that with my son now as the social demands increase. Whereas at age 2 or 3 it would have been hard for a casual observer to flag something different about him vs. other kids, it's more clear now. But as you said, every kid is different. I'd recommend focusing on his biggest deficits. Speech therapy and fine motor OT were ours. Other kids are more focused on PT, food therapy, etc. Wishing you lots of luck., Some things get “worse” (I would say more noticeable instead of worse) while others get better! My son sounds a lot like yours. He was diagnosed with level 1 at 18 months (no cognitive or developmental delay). He didn’t stim at all then and now at 24 months - he is flapping, chewing everything, and pacing a lot. But, his language skills and eye contact have improved!, My 3yo started showing signs of autism at 18 months. She had severe language delay, but now she's made a LOT of progress. She speaks all day, lol. "Mom?", "Look!", and talking about Paw Patrol are her favorite words. She's more smiley than ever, she's started dancing, and she's fun to be around. However, the things that have gotten worse are pretty much age-related. She always wants things her way and throws temper tantrums if I say no. She's stubborn and rigid, just as most kids her age. She's never eaten veggies (broccoli only), but she does eat fruits, proteins, and bread, pasta (same all her life). Lately she's started to have strong opinions on her clothing, hilarious for such a small girl! And sometimes frustrating for me when she's firm on wearing a plain white shirt and shorts to a fancy party. But oh well., My son was also like yours at 18 months. Not responding to name, no words, no pointing or gestures, very difficult to engage. He is now nearly two a half and responds to his name nearly all the time, has close to 100 words and puts two words together, he points and has some gestures, he has no rigidity in terms of routines, no meltdowns, mostly a very happy little guy. And yet he is still more obviously autistic now, loves spinning wheels, is obsessed with numbers and shapes, loves going for walks and stopping at each letterbox to say the numbers, still has little interest in other children besides his brother, pretty fussy with food and is a terrible sleeper. He's still got challenges but for us it has definitely gotten better., My daughter is 3. Her only stim is what looks like a karate chop. She cycles through stims but that one always sticks.😂 she's still pretty much non verbal. She's got about 50ish words we've heard her say but she only uses maybe 5. Receptive has gotten SO much better over the past year, so has responding to her name. Still uses open hand point, except for books. She will point in books 🤷‍♀️ She's never had transition or routine troubles. She's VERY sensory seeking, no sensory aversion food included. Plays with toys as intended colors a lot. Overall I'd say she improved other than speech over the past 2 years. The way you describe your son reminds me of her at that age., My son is 3.5 and he was diagnosed as level 1-2 at 18 months and sounds a lot like your son at that time. My son has always been very cuddly, smiley, laughs a lot. The toughest thing for him is peer interaction, he is simply not interested in other kids so as he gets older that has been a big struggle. I will say I’ve had him in aba and speech and early intervention since diagnosis and it’s helped a lot. He mostly uses an aac but he can say a few words (with a lot of prompting), count to ten, identify all his colors. He is just now starting to develop some sensory aversions, which is interesting because he is super sensory seeking. Loud noises are really bothering him to the point of him crying and hitting whatever is making the loud noise. His eating has also gotten horrible, we are down to like 5 foods. He has literally never played with toys appropriately, he’s just not interested! We did realize about a month ago he is really good at puzzles so we have some 24-36 piece puzzles and he can finish it in minutes! He’s so smart and gets bored really easy so I have to work really hard to keep things interesting for him., It gets better. But it gets worse first. ASD toddlers and toddlers in general (but obviously not always) tend to get really bad at ages 2-4 at 5 or tends to get better slowly and then they become teenagers and well…again it’s not all teenagers but generally. (I really don’t want to make a generalisation honestly. There are some amazing teens out there) But as with all parenting there’s ups and downs., My kid was a lot like yours at 18 months. ASD traits were minimal enough that our pediatrician was sure she wasn’t autistic and her SLP didn’t suggested an evaluation. At 3, she had receptive and expressive language skills in the 1st and 2nd percentile. She was diagnosed level 2 at 5. She’s 6.5 now, still a happy, affectionate kid who talks a lot and likes her peers but doesn’t know how to socialize or play with them. She’s in a mainstream classroom and able to do the work and keep up with the language use. She’s developed a few issues around rigidity and anxiety but in retrospect there were early signs of that starting at 12-24 months. It’s impossible to predict but I lot of kids do progress without regressions or dramatic changes to their personality. It’s much more obvious that my kid is autistic now than at 18 months, but that’s simply because now she’s old enough that there’s an obvious difference in the way she talks and interacts relative to her peers (and things like wearing the same outfit to school every day, which she didn’t insist on as a toddler.), My son is 4.5. He was diagnosed at 23 months this. His atypicalities have increased over time ( such as sensory aversions, stimming, toe walking, etc) He has gained a lot of functional skills (improvement with his core deficits like social behavior, rigidness, communication) through early intervention though., Development is not linear. My son (16) has had ups and downs. He is level 2 and was diagnosed at age 3. We had high hopes that he would get less severe over time, but unfortunately his autism is much more debilitating now than it was when he was little. Puberty has been rough., At 18 months my son had no words, and we just started speech therapy. He also didn’t appear to have many stimming behaviors. Now he’s almost 4; he did speech really well and once we got going with that his speech noticeably improved every month. He only needed it for a year, and continued to progress after discharging. It’s not perfect now, I still think he’s behind some of his peers but he’s conversational with us and for the most part knows how to articulate his needs very well. We’ve reached a point where he’s reciting entire books to us at bedtime, which has been a huge parenting joy recently unlocked for us. Some things have also intensified since 18 months as well. He had some pretty catastrophic meltdown phases (and still does). Learning about PDA really helped us understand and work with him more. He used to be a halfway decent eater, now his list of safe foods is incredibly small. We’re only just starting to see some turnaround after working on it for months in OT, but it’s slight. He also became prohibitively shy from like 18mo-3.5ish. Like, not the “oh he’s a toddler” shy but like yelling at people for daring to engage with him shy. We’ve seen improvement in that now after lots of reiterating that he doesn’t have to speak to anyone he doesn’t want to, and that it’s okay to take space when he needs to. Prep time also helps, if he knows what’s going to happen ahead of time. Knowing he has autonomy I think shifted things for him quite a bit. Every kid is different, so it’s hard to say what will get worse and what will get better! But you know that :) I always tell people “if you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism” because it presents so differently in everyone. Our son has benefited the most from us being observant, curious, and good advocates for him. You sound very similar, it sounds like he’s in great hands!, Daughter was similar she’s now 3 and has been in speech for a year and OT for a few months. She just started ABA also. Biggest improvements were eye contact and name recognition plus language. We are working on longer sentences currently because she has a very good noun base now. So much has improved especially sleep. We moved her into her room put a baby door knob on it and baby proofed it. She sleeps over 12 hours. This was a child that would only sleep 3 hours then would be awake 4-5. Im so proud of her. Things that have changed was certain stimming behaviors like clicking her tongue. It makes me cringe I’m likely neurodivergent. It’s so loud 😵‍💫, My 3 year old is level 1 and sounds just like yours! As much as I grieve for him, I also can't help but think of how lucky I am with mine! 90% of ASD kids have sensory issues and rigid routines but my son has no sensory overload problems, minimal stimming (He vibrates his lips) and he LOVES new places and trying new things. Hes a smiley little guy and loves play! He's actually always been very flexable and does his own thing but wants mama to be by him. I haven't seen anything getting worse really with age. If anything it's kinda like a gap that slowly gets wider and wider every year. He started out making every last milestone on time the first year, but as the years went on he fell more and more behind. He's now a whole year behind and is mentally a 2 year old which terrifies me! If it just...stayed like that where he was ALWAYS behind 1 year, that wouldn't be so bad if bad at all for him to be 15 one day, but having just a 14 yr old mindset....but sadly I think the hardest part is that that's kinda wishful thinking and I think he's gonna be even more than just 1 year behind by the time he's 15. All I can do is pray the mental age gap isn't too big. But his communication back and forth are what I wanna work on with him! Cuz that's the big mile stone gap with him. Not saying anyone by name (grandma, grandpa, mama) when he needs me but he is also VERY verbal and copies EVERYTHING! so I'm not worried about his vocabulary. It's how he uses it that makes me worry and sad. OH but I will say that he's gotten better with responding to his name! He's gotten alot better with SOME communication like he'll say "milk" and "snack" when he wants snack. I'm working on him knowing "fridge" and other words so he can let me know if he wants fridge and stuff like that!, A lot of the prototypical autistic behaviors and characteristics start around 3-4. Sensory issues, rigidness, stimming etc., Thank you that is so hopeful. I’m already struggling with not trying to compare to NT kids, my best friend has a son the same age and it is so heartbreaking. Would you say his sleep patterns changed at all?, All of these comments about their kids barely stimming.... At 15 months, my son is rocking, hand flapping, getting up on his toes in excitement, leans down on his head, shakes his head, head banging.... I know I'm even forgetting one or two. This is really making me freak out., Thank you so much for sharing! Wishing you luck as well ❤️, Thank you for sharing! That gives me hope! I’m definitely most worried about the language piece. Sorry what do you mean exactly by developmental delay? I understand it as a more general term. My son mostly has language delay, motor is great!, Thank you that’s gives me SO much hope. His affect is what I’m so afraid of losing. Would you say her sleep changed at all over time?, This sounds like my son. He is 3 but babbling. It's like when it's quiet he tries to teach himself words... almost said ball the other day. Coming out with more vowels. Is there anything specific that you did that you can share? I'm always looking to help him improve his speach., Thank you for sharing! My son also only points in books and is VERY sensory seeking, loves to run, tickles, and use me as a jungle gym. How would you say sleep has been? Mine is a great sleeper (right now), Mine is also really good at puzzles! Did your son have a severe speech delay? I always assumed that with severe speech delay it’s usually a level 2 or 3, Thank you for sharing! I will be on the look out for those things. I’m so happy to hear her speech has improved so much, that’s amazing, Thank you so much for your feedback! That’s so nice to hear your son’s speech has improved so much. How was his receptive language early on? My son seems to almost have none and we are trying so hard get him to learn more but it’s so hard, Thank you so much for sharing! How was and is his receptive language? That is one my biggest worries as he doesn’t understand much right now. I also wish it was just a one year delay, that would be an absolute dream come true, He was a terrible sleeper when he was a baby, and after putting a lot of work into it, he now sleeps by himself through the night every night, so that is one thing that got better!, Have you had him assessed yet? Only a professional can tell you for sure. There are all different “flavors” of autism. My 4 year old rarely stimmed, and still does so minimally, and is level 2 and verbal. Other kids I’ve met stimmed a ton and outgrew it and are now level 1 as 10 year olds., At 18 months, I never would've imagined my child would make so much progress by 3. I hope the same happens to you 🤍 My daughter's been a good sleeper since she was around 1, but she almost always needs mommy to be with her till she falls asleep. To be honest, I'm pretty bad with her bed time routine (no fixed time, tv till late). If it was more ordered and predictable, perhaps she could fall sleep by herself., Unfortunately I really don't because I never know when it's coming. We'll be sitting outside and she'll randomly say BALL! And run to the ball. Or at speech she always gets a lollipop at the end, shell say UCKER! (People in my area call them suckers) sometimes she answers yes no questions. I just meet her where she's at. Things I do though are I always try to give her an opportunity to speak so I use long pauses between saying one, two............threeeee. or the rule of three, like oh, bubbles? You want bubbles? Okay, let's do bubbles!, Around 2 it got worse. She started skipping naps, waking up in the middle of the night. She's never been one to need a lot of sleep. She sleeps about 9 ish hours at a time. So if she skips her nap and we put her in bed at 7-8 she's awake anywhere between 3-5 and ready to party..but if we leave her alone she'll go back to sleep around 630 or so. Lol. So we just try to have her take even a 20-30 min nap so she'll go to sleep around 10 and wake up at 630-7. Over all though it's not too bad. It just takes her a really long time to fall asleep. She's also suspected to have ADHD., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., Yes, he’s basically been considered nonverbal. He’s starting to speak a lot but he has lost words before so I’m a little guarded that he might lose these too. I have often wondered if at some point his level might change and put him more level 2-3., No my son is level 1, has speech delay. And ive known other autism moms that have NONE VERBAL kids with level 1 as well! The levels are about the amount of help they need. Not about what they can do. If that makes sense!, Yeah his receptive language isn't great. He doesn't take direction often but sometimes he gets it right! Like yesterday on Thanksgiving his grandma kept telling him "turn around and go down!!" In a playful way and he'd turn around and go down on the couch!! Over and over! So it does improve, at least for my son it's getting better, it's just very very slow and behind! He doesn't say "okay mama" if I tell him to do something and he definitely doesn't take direction much. But it does improve! Just not on NTs time line! But I know 😞 at first I kinda made myself believe it would always be a year behind as a way to make myself feel better. But it actually took me typing the truth here that made me realize that I'm just kidding myself. But as long as he grows up with a job, Maybe a family if that's what he wants, and a life all his own, that's what I care about. It's my biggest concern., We are working on it. He is working with therapists, one of them that specializes in autism. Thank you so much for your answer!, Thank you so much. I need all the good vibes. Best wishes to you and your little one, I won’t tell you not to be anxious because goodness knows I was, but I WILL say it gets a lot easier when you have answers. Not knowing is so hard! Your son is lucky to have you!! 

Does lining and stacking toys or items considered a red flag even if it’s not obsessively?

My son lines his toys up, sometimes in a line sometimes just randomly, water bottles, bath toys, etc. but it’s not an obsessive habit. this is coupled with an ESD (expressive speech delay) & a sensory seeking problem.

The lining up things is pretty common in autism. My son did it but I can't remember the last time I've seen it now that he's a teenager., I only remember my daughter lining up toys when she took baths. We had a LOT of rubber ducks, and she would line the entire edge of the tub with the ducks. It seemed like "normal" play to me. We got an AuDHD dx a few years later., My kid is a sensory seeker and speech delayed. He lines toys up or groups them together. Not obsessively nor does he get annoyed if we interfere with them. It's a pretty common autism trait but it'll look different in each child, By itself no, but I'd say given the esd and the sensory seeking, it probably is., >Does lining and stacking toys or items considered a red flag even if it’s not obsessively? My autistic and NT kids both do this *very* occasionally. My autistic kid frequently sets up groups of things in various places, though. There are a few core items, that he cares about a lot, and will reposition when they're moved. The rest of it appears to be novel, and it gets cleaned up at the end of the night as part of our bedtime routine., my daughter (3) will, for example, take out the pieces of a wooden peg puzzle, line them up neatly, and then proceed to complete the puzzle. she would do that with stacking toys when she was younger as well. she doesn’t do it obsessively… i think she just mostly likes to have all her stuff laid out and easy to access. occasionally she will line up my eyeshadow palettes if she’s in there with me while i’m getting ready and she’s bored… then she’ll usually put them back into the drawer nicer than i had them initially lol, Yeah it's a classic sign, but neurotypical kids can enjoy arranging things like it as well My son does do it, It’s part of typical development to line up and/or organize toys but shouldn’t be his only method of play. That alone isn’t a concern imo. Take the Mchat (google it) and see how he scores. That will give you more answers., My son would line up angry bird “plushies” on his bed before school. Like 10-15. I would swap 2 of them and when he got home he knew they were swapped. He is ASD and LD. This was when he was 7-8., Yes my son lined everything up but would not let them face eachother like zoo animals etc. my son is high functioning verbal and is doing great. He has super abilities we as parents need to find them and build on them it’s not the end of the world. I wont change my son at all, Same and it was not obsessive for us. It was just a bit more than most kids., My son has always “grouped” toys too. Toys that go together mostly dinosaurs, he’s always set those up and he’ll line up all our water bottles from our 24 pack case into a circle lol. One time i bought him 2 dinosaurs & tried to mix them with his regular group of dinosaurs, for 8 months he’d pick those 2 “different” dinosaurs and throw them out separate from his regular dinosaurs., That's so interesting! No thank you to those new dinosaurs lol I wonder what the circle of water is about? Summoning a water god maybe? My kid has wooden animals and plastic ones. He groups them together along with his animal books too. Then his vehicles in another wee pile. I've not seen him do this for a while though, Yep. My daughter's special interest/obsession is dinosaurs. She always groups them in funny ways. Usually either in sets in which she received them (kid's got a memory like a spongue, remembers that kind of stuff even years after, even at only 4 years old) or if she doesn't know or she got them at the same time or she's playing with someone else's dinosaur toys like at OT or preschool, she will group them by type of dinosaur. But sometimes she'll group them based on a YouTube video she saw, or mimic someone else's imagination play, or by carnivores and herbivores. There always seems to be a method to the madness - none are ever picked to play with or line up at random., Bad dinosaurs get to go to dinosaur quarantine? I'm autistic myself, but still regularly surprising by what my students remember - one has a "right" and "wrong" toy (exact same model, same set, etc) he tells apart by a scratch on the "right" toy., Your daughter sounds like an expert if she knows so many categories to group them by already! I've recently done "dinosaur archeology" with my students (fake dinosaur skeletons in earth to dig out and put together based on diagrams), they keep teaching me new facts even after years..., She probably knows 150-200 different species of dinosaurs. She pretty much learned how to talk to say their names. She's learning how to tell them apart more easily, even subtle differences. Do you know the different between a Euoplocephalus and an Ankylosaurus? I do, thank you for that information dump, kiddo. 😆

Does magnesium help?

Help what?, It helps some. Every child is different. Children with autism are historically magnesium deficient. Zinc, selenium deficient etc as well The specific type of magnesium that helps with calmness, regulation, sleep etc is magnesium glycinate. I give my son magnesium daily before he goes to sleep and also rub magnesium on his feet when he’s stressed out. Anecdotally epsom salt baths are also calming/cleansing and epsom salt contains a lot of magnesium. This is not medical advice 🤪, Oh hell yes. Lolol. My son has not slept well since the day he was born. He had colic but it never really stopped. We tried melatonin at age 2 but all it did was help him fall asleep but never stay asleep. Magnesium is the opposite for us. Doesn't help fall to sleep but it does help him stay asleep all night long! His ped sells some in office and it's been life changing., It helps me sleep after a long day!, I'm curious! We've tried melatonin and it's not for my kids., My 9 year old has been taking the Olly Chillax magnesium gummies for a few months, and it's helping a little. He probably needs something more potent, but he's also just started some meds for anxiety, so who knows., Yes! 400mg Magnesium Glycinate has done wonders....calming, less anxiety....you can find it on amazon. this is one i've been using...i take 2 every morning with my coffee. They even taste good (strawberry/raspberry).... Feel free to ask any questions... [Magnesium Glycinate Gummies 400mg, Sugar Free Gummies with Magnesium L-Threonate 200mg - Magnesium Supplement Chewable Gummies for Women & Men Vegan, Organic Gummies 60 Count](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C3XL9LWH?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details), Yes we supplement 1.5mg of melatonin with about 250mg of magnesium glycinate at night and she has been staying asleep throughout the night. If she’s super irritable during the day we give her 100mg so she’s not as agitated. She’s 14 and 125 pounds for reference…but everyone is different., Magnesium closer to bedtime helps with better sleep. However watch how much you give because it causes gastrointestinal stress and discomfort in too high a dose., Yes, Yes. I rub my sons feet with magnesium and give him Mary Ruth drops, it has helped him sleep through the night, Is there a specific magnesium / cream you are using for his feet?, Oh wow! That’s great. I’ll check it out, [this one](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09M7HZ8HY?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share), Thank you kindly, Help what?, It helps some. Every child is different. Children with autism are historically magnesium deficient. Zinc, selenium deficient etc as well The specific type of magnesium that helps with calmness, regulation, sleep etc is magnesium glycinate. I give my son magnesium daily before he goes to sleep and also rub magnesium on his feet when he’s stressed out. Anecdotally epsom salt baths are also calming/cleansing and epsom salt contains a lot of magnesium. This is not medical advice 🤪, Oh hell yes. Lolol. My son has not slept well since the day he was born. He had colic but it never really stopped. We tried melatonin at age 2 but all it did was help him fall asleep but never stay asleep. Magnesium is the opposite for us. Doesn't help fall to sleep but it does help him stay asleep all night long! His ped sells some in office and it's been life changing., It helps me sleep after a long day!, I'm curious! We've tried melatonin and it's not for my kids., My 9 year old has been taking the Olly Chillax magnesium gummies for a few months, and it's helping a little. He probably needs something more potent, but he's also just started some meds for anxiety, so who knows., Yes! 400mg Magnesium Glycinate has done wonders....calming, less anxiety....you can find it on amazon. this is one i've been using...i take 2 every morning with my coffee. They even taste good (strawberry/raspberry).... Feel free to ask any questions... [Magnesium Glycinate Gummies 400mg, Sugar Free Gummies with Magnesium L-Threonate 200mg - Magnesium Supplement Chewable Gummies for Women & Men Vegan, Organic Gummies 60 Count](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C3XL9LWH?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details), Yes we supplement 1.5mg of melatonin with about 250mg of magnesium glycinate at night and she has been staying asleep throughout the night. If she’s super irritable during the day we give her 100mg so she’s not as agitated. She’s 14 and 125 pounds for reference…but everyone is different., Magnesium closer to bedtime helps with better sleep. However watch how much you give because it causes gastrointestinal stress and discomfort in too high a dose., Yes, Yes. I rub my sons feet with magnesium and give him Mary Ruth drops, it has helped him sleep through the night, Is there a specific magnesium / cream you are using for his feet?, Oh wow! That’s great. I’ll check it out, [this one](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09M7HZ8HY?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share), Thank you kindly, Help what?, It helps some. Every child is different. Children with autism are historically magnesium deficient. Zinc, selenium deficient etc as well The specific type of magnesium that helps with calmness, regulation, sleep etc is magnesium glycinate. I give my son magnesium daily before he goes to sleep and also rub magnesium on his feet when he’s stressed out. Anecdotally epsom salt baths are also calming/cleansing and epsom salt contains a lot of magnesium. This is not medical advice 🤪, Oh hell yes. Lolol. My son has not slept well since the day he was born. He had colic but it never really stopped. We tried melatonin at age 2 but all it did was help him fall asleep but never stay asleep. Magnesium is the opposite for us. Doesn't help fall to sleep but it does help him stay asleep all night long! His ped sells some in office and it's been life changing., It helps me sleep after a long day!, I'm curious! We've tried melatonin and it's not for my kids., My 9 year old has been taking the Olly Chillax magnesium gummies for a few months, and it's helping a little. He probably needs something more potent, but he's also just started some meds for anxiety, so who knows., Yes! 400mg Magnesium Glycinate has done wonders....calming, less anxiety....you can find it on amazon. this is one i've been using...i take 2 every morning with my coffee. They even taste good (strawberry/raspberry).... Feel free to ask any questions... [Magnesium Glycinate Gummies 400mg, Sugar Free Gummies with Magnesium L-Threonate 200mg - Magnesium Supplement Chewable Gummies for Women & Men Vegan, Organic Gummies 60 Count](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C3XL9LWH?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details), Yes we supplement 1.5mg of melatonin with about 250mg of magnesium glycinate at night and she has been staying asleep throughout the night. If she’s super irritable during the day we give her 100mg so she’s not as agitated. She’s 14 and 125 pounds for reference…but everyone is different., Magnesium closer to bedtime helps with better sleep. However watch how much you give because it causes gastrointestinal stress and discomfort in too high a dose., Yes, Yes. I rub my sons feet with magnesium and give him Mary Ruth drops, it has helped him sleep through the night, Is there a specific magnesium / cream you are using for his feet?, Oh wow! That’s great. I’ll check it out, [this one](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09M7HZ8HY?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share), Thank you kindly, Help what?, It helps some. Every child is different. Children with autism are historically magnesium deficient. Zinc, selenium deficient etc as well The specific type of magnesium that helps with calmness, regulation, sleep etc is magnesium glycinate. I give my son magnesium daily before he goes to sleep and also rub magnesium on his feet when he’s stressed out. Anecdotally epsom salt baths are also calming/cleansing and epsom salt contains a lot of magnesium. This is not medical advice 🤪, Oh hell yes. Lolol. My son has not slept well since the day he was born. He had colic but it never really stopped. We tried melatonin at age 2 but all it did was help him fall asleep but never stay asleep. Magnesium is the opposite for us. Doesn't help fall to sleep but it does help him stay asleep all night long! His ped sells some in office and it's been life changing., It helps me sleep after a long day!, I'm curious! We've tried melatonin and it's not for my kids., My 9 year old has been taking the Olly Chillax magnesium gummies for a few months, and it's helping a little. He probably needs something more potent, but he's also just started some meds for anxiety, so who knows., Yes! 400mg Magnesium Glycinate has done wonders....calming, less anxiety....you can find it on amazon. this is one i've been using...i take 2 every morning with my coffee. They even taste good (strawberry/raspberry).... Feel free to ask any questions... [Magnesium Glycinate Gummies 400mg, Sugar Free Gummies with Magnesium L-Threonate 200mg - Magnesium Supplement Chewable Gummies for Women & Men Vegan, Organic Gummies 60 Count](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C3XL9LWH?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details), Yes we supplement 1.5mg of melatonin with about 250mg of magnesium glycinate at night and she has been staying asleep throughout the night. If she’s super irritable during the day we give her 100mg so she’s not as agitated. She’s 14 and 125 pounds for reference…but everyone is different., Magnesium closer to bedtime helps with better sleep. However watch how much you give because it causes gastrointestinal stress and discomfort in too high a dose., Yes, Yes. I rub my sons feet with magnesium and give him Mary Ruth drops, it has helped him sleep through the night, Is there a specific magnesium / cream you are using for his feet?, Oh wow! That’s great. I’ll check it out, [this one](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09M7HZ8HY?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share), Thank you kindly

Doing things while child is asleep?

My autistic child often plays in her room and falls asleep on the floor. We’ve just been moving her to her bed when she falls asleep. I was in a group on FB led by autistic adults and they were very adamant that moving a sleeping autistic child is violating (one even compared it to SA). They were also very against doing things like cutting nails or applying medicinal cream while a child is sleeping. My question…is it really that big of a deal? I want to be respectful but isn’t there some point that you make a parental decision that your child doesn’t agree with? eta: providing screenshots in comments

What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!, What you’re doing is called parenting. Please continue to do it., There is nothing wrong with moving your child from one spot to another while they are sleeping, Okay. My son cuts himself with his nails (he now allows me to cut his nails) so for two years, I cut his nails while he slept so he wouldn’t hurt himself. If he fell asleep on the floor, I moved him to his bed. I never once violated my child. I did things for his safety and comfort. I’m sorry but some of these people have a high horse and limited world experience and that includes parenting. The perfect parent is the person who does not have a kid., lol I move my sleeping child anytime. Also, what about an autistic kid is different in this situation to a NT kid? I figure my kid will be more comfortable in his bed rather than the couch or floor lol. Also my parents moved me when I fell asleep and I always thought it was cool how I “teleported”. I wasn’t a very bright kid haha, Autism inclusivity falsely sent CPS to my house. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. It’s fine to move a sleeping child. That is a ridiculous statement., I doubt that these autistic adults have professional diagnoses or children. I would find other places than that FB group to get parenting advice. Cutting a child’s nails is necessary to ensure the child’s safety - as well as the safety of those who interact with the child. Anyone who questions that has not had experience with small children., I try to listen to autistic adults, but some of this sounds crazy! My ASD son as a toddler rarely napped unless I took him for a drive. He'd fall asleep, I'd drive home, I'd carry him inside to sleep. I also used nap time for clipping his nails, or it was a fucking nightmare for both of us. There are mistakes I've made along the way that I feel guilty about, but moving him or clipping nails while asleep? No regrets at all. If my child fell asleep on the floor, I'd probably just leave him. Mine would occasionally fall asleep on the dog bed, and I didn't touch him. But moving a sleeping child is not assault. Neither is clipping their nails at a time that is the least stressful for all involved, or applying medicine at your convenience., These autistic adults are the same people who would think I’m abusing my child by giving her an enema on her 10th day of not shitting and she’s screaming in pain from holding it in. Fucking chronically online shit, Mom here with a 7yo on the spectrum, here’s my two cents: unless your child has expressed or demonstrated moving them while asleep causes them distress or dysregulation, I don’t see where there is an issue. If for some reason it is an issue or seems like it could be in the future would a palette bed or just mattress on the floor be easier for her to transition herself into? Otherwise, carry on., The comparison to SA is so fucking wild I don’t even know what to say besides what the fuck., Sounds like crazy talk, Reminds me of the woman in the uk saying a daddy can’t change his daughters dirty nappy cause it’s wrong lol aye dead on I’ll let my daughter sit in poop for hours then? These people are morons do not listen to them. I doubt they are even professionally diagnosed if that’s their opinion. This is what I call modern pedantic insanity where these people have nothing better to do than make up situations and shout about how awful normal things are. Keep doing what your doing are you really gonna leave your kid to sleep on the cold hard floor or in a nice warm comfy bed lol, This is probably the same group that recommended trying to litter box train a child who didn’t want to stop playing video games to use the toilet. They could have a litter box he could use instead. Your child being autistic doesn’t mean your child doesn’t enjoy a comfortable sleep with a nice mattress and blanket. If I were to fall asleep on the floor, I would appreciate being moved. When in doubt, go by the golden rule., They're just trying to concern troll and shame you because they have issues with the way they were raised and you seem trusting and like you'd take it seriously. They see their parents in you. I'd stay away from those groups. People do the same about regular parenting too. They will say they can tell you abuse your child because it's not normal for them to do x y z, literally just to get off on the cruelty of such statements. You'll never find anyone not hiding behind a screen saying these things., Omg some people are just looking to cause drama and trouble. I used to cut my son’s hair while asleep., They sound batshit fucking crazy, I clip my son’s nails and cut his hair in his sleep. If he ever has any wounds that need to be cleaned/dressed (rare but has happened once before) I also do that in his sleep as well. Back when I still had social media, I posted about it on a facebook autism group and was BASHED for being an abusive mom. My actions were compared to SA just like you and the reactions I got from all of the adult autistics horrified me. I don’t agree with them at all, I’m doing what I need to do to ensure my son’s hygiene and health are being maintained properly while also protecting him from the trauma of being restrained while having his hair cut or nails trimmed (which is the only other option and I refuse to do that to him) Imo we are doing what is needed to keep our kids healthy and protected. Absolutely nothing wrong with it!!, So if there kid fell asleep in the car they'd leave them there? o.o sounds ridiculous to me, Fuck internet “adult” autistic advice These people don’t have kids and haven’t even trimmed a pets nails. And they probably aren’t even autistic. Autism is autism and children are children. Child first, then autism - best advice given to me. See the child first, Facebook groups are wild. Moving your sleeping child is just being their parent lol. Personally I’ve never attempted to cut nails in my kids sleep but that’s bc I don’t want to risk fucking up his sleep (and my own)., My parents used to do that for me and it was comforting waking up in my bed. I actually used to pretend to be asleep so they’d keep doing it lol. It’s just parenting. People are too extreme on both ends of any opinion., I find that the adults with autism areas are often full of self diagnosed people and/or people who were originally diagnosed with aspergers and are incredibly high functioning, and therefor have no idea what it’s like to care a severely autistic child… I’ve been super sad/nostalgic this week, as my grandma died a week ago, and one of the fond memories that keeps popping up in my head and making me cry was how I’d go to bed with my grandma, when I’d have a sleepover at my grandparents house, then at 4am when my grandpa got home from work he’d carry me to the couch and kiss my forehead. It definitely wasn’t violating. Parents have been moving their sleeping child to more appropriate sleep spots for as long as there have been parents. Hell, even cats and dogs do it if one out of the litter falls asleep away from the rest. It’s very natural., Just to add one more whoever told you that is wrong to the chorus. Moving a sleeping kid into a bed is being a caring parent. So is cutting their nails and applying medically necessary medicine while they’re sleeping. If that’s when you can get those things done, that’s when you do them., If your kid has told you (or given some other indication) that waking up in their bed is very upsetting, then you might have to think of another solution to the problem. Otherwise, it's something that all parents do with their children, autistic or not. This FB group seems bad. Leave it!, Yeah man I’m not a professional but the take about moving a sleeping child comparable to SA is bullshit., I advise you to take anything from autistic adult pages and subs with a grain of salt . They tend to be filled with self diagnosed young adults who see autism as a quirk. Autism is classified as a disorder for a reason.Depending on level it can be severe with 100% dependence to 100% functional . Just the other day there was a post in this sub from a woman talking about her teenage autistic brother who doesn't shower and whose room was covered in feces and what not. That's not a healthy behavior no matter what an adult autistic person would say about, for example , cleaning his toom or have some measures imposed Also you are not doing anything wrong. When it comes to health and hygiene, you as a parent have all the right to impose these. I have both ND and NT kids. NT don't like their nails cut do we do it while asleep. So it has nothing to do with neurodiversity it's just parenting, I'm an autistic adult myself. I agree with most of these comments. What you're doing is parenting. As someone who has experienced SA (while sleeping, might I add), there is no comparison. If the only time you are able to do those parenting things, like applying cream to rashes or cutting nails, then that's when it has to be done. Your kid is better off getting taken care of while sleeping than being left uncared for and having problems pop up down the line bc of it. I would sometimes wonder how I got to my bad after falling asleep somewhere else, but I was never upset and never felt violated. I felt cared for. Move your child to their bed where it is more comfortable. I would be upset if I were left to sleep on the floor, especially in an uncomfy position. Sometimes questions are just regular parent questions, and not ones made to be answered by autistic people. All parents are parents, but not all autistic people are parents. No single person (or facebook group) knows all the answers., My ASD teen has slept on the floor on and off for years. They take all their blankets and comforters and pillows and squish mallows and make like a nest lol. On a hardwood floor. But they’re comfortable like that and have asked me not to move them. It could be a sensory thing maybe? Bed is too soft?, Look, I'm all about giving my son as much bodily autonomy as possible. He has long hair, cutting it is traumatic for him. But we still have to brush it. Moving a sleeping child is NOT abuse. My son usually sleeps on the couch, he has his own room, own bed and loads of fun sensory stuff but always sleeps on the couch. We move him to his bed once in awhile but he usually wakes right back up and moves back to the couch, so I just deal with it. Moving a sleeping child is not violating them. As a SA victim, it's insulting that they would compare it to that. Moving a sleeping child is more akin to teleportation, fall asleep in one place and magically awake in another., I am very very very big on getting my son’s consent and making sure he understands what consent is and everything happening to/with his body, and I wouldn’t think twice about gently picking him up off the FLOOR and putting him in his SOFT BED while he was sleeping. I mean let’s be serious! OP, you’re doing fine., Some people are really into posting “rage-bait” lately. Don’t give in. You’re doing amazing!, Is it “autism inclusivity” by any chance? Some of the responders there are borderline unhinged, This sounds a lot like that insane BS of needing to ask an INFANT for consent to change their diaper. No, I didn't even ask my toddler for consent to change his feces or urine filled diaper. I'm not gonna leave a kid in a dirty diaper to then end up with awful diaper rash., Is it also bad to send them to school with coats that are warm, in good repair, and fit well? Because my nephew sure thinks so. Same with brushing his teeth. But he needs those things to keep him comfortable and happy. If it helps you though, maybe you can try encouraging her to play in her bed closer to bed time so she's already there when the time comes? Don't push it if it's going to make any of you miserable. You have to pick your battles and I wouldn't personally see this as an issue, but I can see why someone else would. Also, random pro tip for anyone with kids in diapers. If you need to apply cream, scoop it out of the container or squeeze it out on a wipe and then just wipe them like normal., Oh geeze- was this in the Actually Autistic group? If so I had to leave within a few hours. It’s just a bunch of self diagnosed people judging things they know nothing about., You would most likely move a neurotypical child so why wouldn’t you move your neurodivergent child? Not everything is that deep., That’s a dangerously inaccurate comparison. Is it SA if you’re in a coma and the nurse sponge baths you and changes your IV? Come on now. I will say that I can tell you are a great parent just for you even considering this absurd POV and posting for advice., wow i must be a horrible mom moving my kid to to the bed, cutting his nails and putting hydrocortisone cream on his face (he has low muscle tone so he drools a lot and it breaks his face out) who knew., My girl falls asleep on the couch or me every night. We always carry her upstairs when she’s asleep put her in bed., If these people believe that clipping a child fingernails while they’re sleeping is abuse, then I’m sure they’d have plenty to say about the sedation dental appointment my daughter had last Monday. The two really aren’t so different. You’re performing necessary health and hygiene maintenance while they’re asleep to save them from an unpleasant/frightening/overwhelming/traumatic sensory experience., Shoot, my son asks me to try to do uncomfortable or scary things (like removing bandaids or hangnails mostly) when he is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about it. XD I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, and I don't believe it can be black and white here. Sure, it might be disorienting for some to go to sleep in one place and awaken in another. However, some might really appreciate it, because they won't wake up w a crick in their neck or get cold without their bedding, etc. Being moved about by their parents is something that basically all mamalian newborns experience since birth, and in fact, they would suffer and die without it. That is the default in the human child experience. For an older child, I think it entirely depends on the relationship, the trust between you, and the intent. I think if you are moving your child for their safety and comfort, and they don't show signs of or verbalize distress upon their awakening, then it's safe to assume that it is OK., If I didn't clean my childs ears, belly button, clip nails, or anything of the sort while she's asleep it really would never get done. It is dangerous for both parties to clip a toddler's nails while they are physically wailing on you to stop. Also with issues of my own there is close to nothing more overstimulating than fighting someone to do something you really don't want to do anyways. \*GASP\* I've even done diaper changes while she's asleep, because she needed it and it routinely takes multiple hours to finally get her to sleep. Once she's out she usually stays out until her next expected wake window (a few hours at a time) and I am not one to poke the bear unless necessary. Also, I was diagnosed autistic at 6. I have come a very long way so maybe I speak from a voice of privilege, but I never once thought being moved or literally groomed in my sleep was anything like assault. TW: >!Being held down forcefully while I screamed "stop" and having my meltdowns made fun of traumatized me a fair amount though; and broke me to where when I really should have been screaming and telling my parents of REAL assault, I didn't. !<, I get that that's how they felt and maybe somebody was violating them at some point. You're being a parent, and you're going to have to do that! You should always make sure you're talking to them about how and when you're touching them, and explain why you're doing it and when it's okay for these things to happen. But sometimes you have to do it you have to do!, I'm super confused.... It's totally normal to take a sleeping child to their bed if they fall asleep not in their bed... Autistic or not... To be honest the only time I wouldn't do that is if I physically couldn't carry them comfortably anymore. Do those same crack pots want you to just sit in the car with the AC on waiting for your kid to wake up if they fall asleep on the drive home instead of moving them into the house?, Best practice is to get as far away from those groups as possible., My son used to hate his nails being trimmed until we made it a game I call “peelies”. I hold his hand and only trim to the middle of the nail and say ok peelies, then he peels it off the rest of the way. We count each nail after he peels it off so he knows when we get to 10 it’s all over. It’s a fun sensory thing for him. Normally I’ll do this after a bath so the nails are softer., I’m sorry, but that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Violating? JFC. My kid only falls asleep on the couch in our bedroom (we have a big master BR). I move him every night, and he wakes up in the morning happy as can be in his own room., I might get downvoted to oblivion, but my unpopular opinion is that A LOT of autistic adults shouldn’t be on social media. From what I’ve noticed on the r/autism sub and on tiktok, a lot of their opinions, advice, beliefs are extremely misguided or just flat out ignorant., Are these the types of people who self diagnose and are professional victims in life? Don’t listen to them., No it’s not. Because what’s best for your child as the parent is what is best. That is such extreme thinking saying it’s SA., Cutting nails and applying medicine creams/ointments are as non-negotiable as brushing teeth and bathing. These things have to happen for your child’s health and safety, and if the least awful way of doing that is when they’re asleep then it happens when they’re asleep. Not the bathing obviously lol. My kid had a really hard time with creams or ointments and tooth brushing until he was 5, so the cream went on when he was asleep and some days I’d even give his teeth a quick wipe with a damp wash cloth wrapped around my finger. When he was able to recognise that he had to do these things to be healthy we worked on finding a tolerable way to do them together. A big part of your job as a parent is to keep him safe, clean and loved. And you are doing just that., Autistic adult- I am the opposite. When i was a kid I was horrified because my parents did not move me- the gestalt I had was I SLEEP IN MY BED WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN. AND IN JEANS MIND YOU- I’m reliving it rn ty like this is actual horror. The moral of this story is it depends on how they react. Are they distressed in either scenario? Pick the one they’re not distressed in., Sounds like you're a normal parent to me, who doesn't move their kid to bed if they fall asleep on the floor? Autistic or not! And you know do what works for you. If your kiddo is sleeping well then who cares wtf other judgy parents think. I had to clip my daughter's nails while she was asleep for a while, for her own good! She would pull her hands away and I didn't want to snip her little fingers. I just don't get how this would be harassment or SA. Those people are doing too much and have some issues they need to work out., If I’ve learned anything about autism in the last 8 years, it’s that the autism community online has a completely different set of rules than the real world. And if I were to raise my children how they want me to, my kids would probably still be nonverbal, aggressive and miserable. I’ve never met an autistic person in the real world that feels the way some of these online groups do. That’s why this is the only online group I come to now. The people here seem to have common sense. Please continue to raise your child how you see fit. Make sure your kid has appropriate accommodations depending on what their needs are and other than that raise them the same way you’d raise any other child. You’re doing a great job!, Huh? That is wild. I've done with with my NT kids, my parents did it to me. It's just being a parent not abuse, I got banned from that group for a comment completely unrelated to autism. I don't remember what it was now but it was so incredibly stupid that I was just like... Meh whatever. It used to be a really good resource but it's become an echo chamber for self diagnosed autistic adults to screech about ABA and puzzle pieces. Children and disabled adults deserve to be clean, safe, and fed. The steps taken to achieve those things are different for different people., Here is (part) of the post if anyone is interested, I say this with peace and love to all adults on the spectrum, but kid needs to be in bed. As for cutting fingernails. I’m never going to fault a parent who finds something that works for their child. Now I trim one fingernail or toenail a day for my kid so that way it’s part of her routine and hopefully she’ll get to where she does it herself. But at the end of the day, do what ya gotta do, you will know your child much better than a stranger on the internet who’s never met them will., As an autistic adult myself, and an autistic parent…it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Do what you feel is right, instinct is generally correct., I do not think you are violating your daughter by moving her. You are taking care of her and are trying to help her be more comfortbale. I like to approach everything with my son always asking does this or is this: 1. Presuming competence 2. Safe for him and me 3. Remove his autonomy 4. Keep him healthy both physically and mentally I like to think that these help me be more neuroaffirming. My son doesn’t get out of bed but he does shimmy down to the bottom of the bed and then gets uncomfortable when there is not enough room to toss and turn as he does often. We will go in and adjust him. This lines up with number 4 - if he’s not getting restful sleep then mental and physical health are affected. When my son was first diagnosed I tried being part of those autistic adults groups on Facebook. Very quickly I realized that the vibe wasn’t one of guidance or welcoming. To me it felt very judgmental and not helpful. What I have found helpful since is finding and listening to autistic adults that aren’t judgy and resonate with acceptance. Keep moving your daughter :) and if you’re ever tired of moving her then make her bed the solution and give her the space to play and then sleep., I'm autistic and my kid is as well. She has never fallen asleep on her on bed until couple of weeks ago. We would always carry her after she falls asleep. I'd not cut her hair while she's sleeping, though. I believe that needs to be talked about and consented about her own body. Medicinal cream I'd do if needed. Talk to your kid, explain, teach consent. My kid still hates having their nails cut but we still do it because it is important/sanitary. She dislikes it but understands it. She can be vocal about disliking it while it's happening but I have to do it. She'll do it herself once her abilities get there., Is your child upset when you move her? If yes, waking her might be a better option, it's scary to some children to "teleport" in their sleep. If not, this seems perfectly fine and something plenty of parents do. The same applies to things like cutting nails and applying cream. Some children are upset to wake up and realize something about them changed, especially with things like creams that can cause sensory distress - but if it's a safety/medical concern, asleep is better than not at all. Otherwise, it's fine and might be more comfortable for them than being awake. Some of those things might feel violating with development, just like most parenting does - an adult without developmental delays likely won't be happy about being given medicine in their sleep. I had some students whose parents struggle to let them grow up - most recently a 9 year old who asked me to tell his parents that he doesn't need to be carried to school (no eloping or anything, not with us or with his parents), because they wouldn't listen to him. I can imagine people being sensitive about those things if they grew up with similar parents - but most good parenting practices are bad in the extremes., Of course you should do these things. You are acting to protect the health and safety of your child., You’re just taking care of your child. If she ever manifests to you that she doesn’t want you doing those things while she’s sleeping is completely different, but as of now you’re trying your best to give your child a good place to sleep, hygiene and care., My daughter wakes up happier from her bed than our couch or her car seat. If it's about making your kid more comfortable, I don't see what's wrong with it. I think people like to be too judgy about the situations of strangers and project their issues onto others., I respect autistic adults 100% (I’m married to one) but there’s no way I will stop cutting my son’s nails or putting chapstick on his lips when he’s asleep. There’s just no way., No way. You have to treat your autistic child like any other child or they will think they run things. These adults didn’t like being parented, I understand they are adults with autism but they can’t speak for a community., Leave that group they are insane 😳, I’m not convinced that you’re not being trolled. My bar is: what would I do if this were a neurotypical child? Move them to bed from the floor so they can be clean and comfortable? Check Clip their nails while they’re sleeping so they can keep up with social expectations of personal hygiene in a way that doesn’t scare them? Check You’re good., What??? I’m struggling to understand their perspective here. There response is weird. I’d carry on without a thought, and find a new mom’s group., As someone who grew up with Autism, I'm in the lower needs side. But, being moved never felt violating. I quite liked it personally cause I'd not realize I fell asleep but would still wake up in the same way I always would. Which would often make the rest of the day more bearable cause the first step was the same., Nah keep doing it. My mom did it to me and I do it for my son. I got strep throat a lot as a kid and the pills were massive my mom gave them to me in my sleep. To this day I’m grateful for that. Here’s the thing my sisters and I only react to my mom. She would come in hug us, tell us to open our mouth and take a drink of water and we would. We don’t even budge for anyone else. But she would come in our rooms every night and talk to us, and hug and kiss our forehead while making sure we are covered and comfortable. I do it with our boy and my husband was apprehensive at first because he didn’t want to wake him, or both him. And I said I want him comfortable hearing us in his room so he followed me for a week or so and watched me. I go in and tell our boy I love him and while sleeping he makes some noises and smiles I get the blanket adjusted, move his stuffed animals and kiss his forehead. My husband now tries to beat me to the check ins because it’s the best. He’s asleep but he smiles and even hugs back most of the time and when you kiss his head the little sounds he makes is adorable. Now both my side and my husbands side (our poor boy got a double dose) all have a history of sleep walking and talking so that might play into why we are so responsive in our sleep. But it’s great for medication, nail and haircuts, just repositioning him when he’s looking like a pretzel in bed and the all important fell asleep in the car and need to transfer to bed. I can get cloths off and PJs on with him asleep but semi helpful. And honestly he listens better in his sleep 😂 “give mama your arm” he does. “Roll over” boom it’s happening. “Cover your eyes” he does. When he’s awake he’s not so so compliant so it also helps us know what he understands 😂, Look into the cubby bed! My toddler wakes up often during the night this helped her sleep better. It’s like a bed tent, cutting nails while asleep is kinda squick and makes my skin crawl. applying medicinal cream is kinda sweet and warms my heart. moving me while i am asleep so that i wake up in my own bed with all its nice scents and its nice warm covers and nice squishiness. priceless! i think you're fine, OP. that's just my opinion., This comes down to consent and how much your child is able to understand. As a parent you need to give your child as much choice as possible but sometimes you have to go against their wishes. However doing things while they are asleep may well make your child refuse to sleep. The important question to ask is WHY is your child doing or refusing to do what they are doing? For example If they are sleeping on the floor it's possible the bed is producing sensory overload so if you're desperate for them to sleep in the bed you need to change the bed for example firmer mattress, mattress on the floor, weighted blanket, etc. https://www.fortahealth.com/resources/why-does-my-child-with-autism-sleep-on-the-floor#:~:text=For%20some%20children%20with%20autism,the%20warmth%20under%20the%20covers. When it comes to something your child doesn't want to do think about why are you doing it and why that way, is there an alternative? My child can't tolerate the feel of cream, e.g. sun cream, athlete's foot cream. They still need to be protected or treated but alternatives are available, sun spray, athlete's foot powder that they find easier to deal with. It's worth looking into sensory processing disorder as there are lots of resources and suggestions available., Like I thought the same about doing homework or taking a bath. Difference is my parents didn't put up with my crap and I had to learn that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. These autistic adults I'm sure never learned that. They're likely the result of pushover parents who just gave in to all their rigidity and nonsense and this is the result. The parents who never knew they were autistic until after having autistic children don't seem to have any of these ridiculous opinions. Probably because we had parents who raised us like neurotypical children and didn't put up with that crap., Right on!, I remember when I was a kid and I fell asleep and woke up on the floor id actually be pissed that no one moved me to a comfortable spot lol. Only because I didn't mean to fall asleep there and I felt like no one cared enough about me to do that., Agree., Lol we call it teleporting too!, My two asd kids love to couch to sleep on! Lol. If their safe and it's comfortable I don't see an issue with leaving them there for a nap or something but I don't see what the big deal is from folks like that lol., Omg, why?! And yes that was the group., Omg I'm so sorry. I have two boys with asd, one with adhd and a seizure condition an the other who is totally NV and at 7 yrs old. Still in diapers because he refuses to potty train. I often have to remember that I'm a good mother and every single person that knows me and my family says I have the patience of a saint usually and they don't know how I do it. I'm sure you are one of those same mothers. You've done nothing wrong and please remember that. We are all just doing the best we can given the circumstances. Im so sorry you've had to deal with that., Yikes. I left that group a few days ago just because even as an autistic adult their values seem to be so extreme and don’t give off very inclusive vibes at all actually. Glad I did., Autistic people are not that different from non-autistic people when it comes to diversity. Some autistic people are Karens. Some grow up to do amazing things. Some are ignorant while others are educators. Some are parents, and some aren't. You can (and should!) listen to autistic adults about their experiences, but some really will never know what its like to be a parent. You have to take what everyone says with a grain of salt, even autistic people. A lot of parents in this group probably have kids with medium to high support needs, and a lot of autistic people with low support needs feel like they need to advocate for them. But really, a lot of level 1 autistic people don't know any better than non-autistic people what level 2 and 3 autistic people need/feel/want. Btw, this isn't directed at you, this is just an add-on! I agree with you, moving your kid is not assault. Not even comparable., There’s some serious stupid that goes on in those groups. I stay far away., Same here. What the fuck., I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, They are. Source: I'm in that group too., In all fairness, when my kid was a baby and he fell asleep in the car, I would leave him be, and sit in there with him(ac on or doors and windows open) because he would be angry if woken up. Never wanted to wake up that grumpy sleeping baby., They basically said that that it was a slippery slope, that if you teach autistic kids that it’s okay for you to do things while they’re sleeping, they’ll learn it’s okay for people to SA them in their sleep too, I do find that a lot of level 1/low needs autistic people don't understand medium to high needs/level 2 and 3 autistic people and feel the need to advocate on their behalf. It isn't much better than non-autistic people doing the same thing. An autistic person can only represent themself. I'm level 2, so I don't know what its like to be level 3 and will never think to advocate for level 3 autistics. I don't appreciate the fact that level 1 autistics take up so much of the advocating space (though they do need to be heard too). On another note, some people cannot afford a dx (it can cost a couple thousand dollars), so please don't talk about self diagnosis as if it is a bad thing. It's all some people get., Hi, I’d like to clarify that even autistic people you call “incredibly high functioning” struggle much more than you think with daily tasks. And, if they were diagnosed as adults (as in my case), you never know if they progressed into “high functioning” by masking or not. My psychiatrist told me that according to my symptoms, I was likely as severe as my level 2 daughter and progressed into level 1 as I grew. Regardless of how “high functioning” you think they are, they probably had it really rough growing up if they didn’t get the therapy they needed. You don’t really know what a person struggles with. That being said, what these people in this particular group said is nonsense, so I do agree with that. And the story about your grandparents is sweet. I was autistic and would pass out in the car, I remember being half asleep and my parents carrying me to bed. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s honestly just people on the internet who, like you said, probably don’t have kids or are comparing any neurotypical parent at all to their own parents, which is wrong., My ASD 5 yr old likes to build a little nest inside a spare closet we have for coats. It’s almost like a fort in there and he will close the door so he can be in complete darkness. Most days he takes his snack bowl of goldfish crackers and a blanket then goes to the closet and closes the door. I’ll hear him in there giggling and crunching his snacks. lol, My 3yo LOVES to build nests! He has half a dozen each of pillows, blankets, and stuffies that he carries to whichever room he wants to be in., Yes that was the group, My 13yo AuDHD kiddo requests sedation dentistry confidently., I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, https://preview.redd.it/hhb05zc59wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7d21c4d2cde42312740f1ecb492bed49bc397, I didn’t even ask the question. An admin posted an announcement about how x y and z are abusive. And I was like…umm I do some of that stuff?, I added the screenshots in the comments if you want to see the thought process, Or kids just run out of energy and fall asleep wherever they’re at all the time and it’s not that deep., Yup. Maybe I’m old fashioned (in fact I’m sure I am), but my approach to parenting my autistic son is to try and do things as close as I’d parent a neurotypical child, and only when those methods fail do I try other things. There’s a certain level of freedom and decision making you should grant your child, sure, but that’s (at first) things like wearing a blue t shirt rather than a red one. Inconsequential things but which make them learn about making choices. It doesn’t mean giving them free rein over what they chose to have for dinner, because kids usually make dumb choices. Going back to the question the OP asked at the end of their post - Respect doesn’t overrule responsibility, and unfortunately being responsible does often mean making decisions the child won’t like, but that’s just how life is and it’s your job to teach them that not everything is going to be enjoyable or something they want to do., Yep, Oh my kid would just freak out and be scared if he woke up in the middle of the night and no one else was around. Our living room is further away from the bedroom and he’s only four haha., They claimed I was “keeping my son prisoner in his room for days on end” because I asked if anyone knew how to get him to stop eating walls. Seriously, steer clear of that group., That group is incredibly dangerous, and harmful. DM me if you want details, but suffice to say-they do not care one whiff about the kids they purport to speak for. Incidentally, the same events are why I say *any* therapist can be inappropriate, and why I will never allow my kid near a floortime therapist again., Because they're insane. They're the result of parents who DIDN'T send their kids to therapy or teach their children and instead just gave in to everything. You know, how they demand you raise your own children., This is very sweet of you to say! I actually have a bachelors in social work myself so I was like oh crap lol come on let’s get this over with. Immediately dismissed. So ridiculous to waste CPS time on a false claim., It’s not inclusive. It’s dangerous., > but some really will never know what its like to be a parent You can basically just sum it up there. Would you take parenting advice from a neurotypical 20 year old with no children? FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKK NO!! But make them autistic and suddenly you must respect their every word??, What else do they think is abusive?, They're still projecting various things about their childhood and trying to be inflammatory. I would avoid that group!, Aww that's fine tho xD I was picturing like a kid in a car like overnight, I feel like there’s nuance there. Kids in general, autistic or not need to learn how to say no, set boundaries and identify appropriate vs inappropriate touching. I understand the higher concern with autism, but you can still be a typical parent while supporting those other goals. I don’t know. It’s a fine line, I think it’s fine but you have to do what feels right for you!, Yes, I would classify myself in that group…. Also, one of my sons fits the originally diagnosed with aspergers now high functioning adult part perfectly and I doubt he’ll live alone. Still a huge difference between parenting a lvl 1 kid and a lvl 3 kid. Even bigger difference between remembering being a lvl 1 kid and parenting a level 3 kid., My kiddo loved forts and cardboard houses and tents at that age. I think it’s comforting., https://preview.redd.it/ns5k78g69wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74fe0e205148b127ddc56923308d99b0778430b, People can have their opinions. Only you know what’s best for your child. But personally, I do not feel like what you’re talking about is remotely abusive., Hahaha ahhh well hey, in my view if their comfortable enough to fall asleep there and it's too far.of a distance to their bed then I don't see an issue. Sometimes as parents too we GOTTA remember to give ourselves a break. Go easy on yourself and it's OK for them to falls asleep in another spot that's not their bed. I think it shows that their truly comfortable and feel safe enough to fall asleep in that room as they are in their own bedroom so I have a bit of a flexible approach to these things. I'd just cover em with a blanket and take their shoes off or whatever and help them get.comfy. big deal ; ), Yours ate walls too?! I'm so relieved it's not just us!!, Are you comfortable to elaborate on the last sentence in your comment? I've only just started learning about floortime therapy and didn't realize there was anything controversial about it., I'm also curious about this too? I've.never hear dof that and it would be great to hear what someone else who already went through it experienced. No judgement from this end what so ever., Exactly! Having autism doesn't make you an expert on every autistic person ever. It just makes you an expert on your autism. There's a big difference., Yup, there are parents like that too... a lot of sad news articles on those parents., Oh absolutely, and I don’t disagree there. Honestly, any non-parent who tries to give me “parenting advice”, autistic or not, I tend to ignore. But it does help that my daughter’s level 2 symptoms mimicked how I was as a kid, so I can definitely pinpoint her needs fairly quickly. I had a fellow level 1 friend of mine without kids try to give me advice and…while I listen, I just tend to go with my own parental instincts., https://preview.redd.it/lixcbf779wsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=287cdada32803942d3712116a8a9fcbfe5d70f66, Mine was eating cupboards... specifically chewing the paint off of them. Turns out he has PICA, putting him on an iron supplement cured that behavior. He still chews on stuff but a chewie necklace helps with the oral fixation., Oh def not just you haha many parents have reported this!!, I’ve got huge bit marks on the corner of a wall where my son tried to dine on it. He also tried to eat carpet underlay and window sealant which he’d peeled off. He now sleeps in a cheap pop up tent we got off eBay. He loves it because it’s cozy and it helps us relax knowing he can’t harm himself, but I’m sure many Autism groups would have a field day with us because of it., Floortime is everything people accuse ABA of being while couching it in indirect language that sounds ND affirming. Their "relationship based" is the same thing as pairing at any ABA facility. The framework they use to assess is ENTIRELY standardized and based on NT norms to the point of absurdity. For example, my son scored stage 3 on several points during his assessment despite being fully verbal and describing building a toy to make gears spin faster because he had *poor prosidy and inappropriately flat facial expression*. We didn't know better at the time, so believed everything. We tried feeding therapy. They rolled a tomato on the floor to him and tried to get him to roll it back. He said "you are telling me to roll it but you want me to eat it. No." And threw the tomato at the wall (delivery could use some work, but *nothing* pisses this kid off like being manipulated or not understood). So they told me to starve him up to 18 hours at a time until he tried the tomato. Wtf. In the profectum parent toolbox, they continuously say "you are the prize". The kid has to work for your affection/attention. And that's bullshit. In ESDM, otoh, for example, you also follow the kid's lead-but they never have your kid earning high affect, for example. Take these summer camp goals from one of the most famous floortime spots in the country: During spontaneous interactions, the “floortime player” will use appropriate affect, such as facial expression, gesture, tone of voice, emotion tone, to support the child’s ability to share attention, to be engaged, to respond to the child’s intent or to highlight the intent of others and to maintain a continuous flow of interaction. As the children begin to respond and interact with their peers our goal is for the “floortime players” to fade back in their support This is *exactly* what autistic folk complain about with ABA. Which is why I'm very skeptical any time somebody plugs relationship therapy over ABA "because it's child led/not making kids neurotypical"., Me neither and this is the second time I've seen this referenced this week., We got so many chewie necklaces too., We checked for PICA as well and he’s good! Just likes to chew I guess, That's such a cool idea!, I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of this out. Thank you so much., Except ABA isn't about "making kids neurotypical" either. If **your** ABA practice is doing that, that is your ABA practice not ABA. Pretty much everything #actuallyautistic and similar toxic ass communities say is bullshit. Most of them have no idea what ABA is, have never been to or seen ABA, and are just parroting the same script., Wow, that story about the tomato is horrific. My son also has a huge thing about being manipulated or misunderstood; nothing triggers him more. I'm so proud of your son for standing up for himself. <3, Reading this makes me glad I just had a very vague idea of what floortime was about and didn’t do a deep dive or sit through one of their courses. Basically, I took their high level description of what was effective and used to with my own child. However, it’s really just a matter of that I try to join with her and engage her during activities she’s already engaged in and not much beyond that. It sounds so simple- but connecting with my daughter over HER preferred activities has been so great for the both of us. I didn’t realize that Floortime was much deeper than that., Do you also have to buy more every month or two? Kid is like a beaver lol, Lol silly kids. Mine just likes to chew too, even with his PICA under control. I swear they are part beaver sometimes, It was a necessity really! Many of the “autism beds” either aren’t sold in my country or they’re sold for an obscenely high price, so weren’t an option. Turns out a ~£15 tent from eBay does just as good a job (for now)., My son is not the meltdown type, so far. The largest meltdown he has EVER had was in FT therapy. Contrast that with his ESDM early on, and speech and OT now, and it's night and day., Me too! Now to make sure he uses those powers for good and not evil... And about the tomato. I have a few strong thoughts about where they could stuff it..., No, but only because mine moved on from chewing to other sensation seeking habits. That said I used to have a teenage client who needed the toughest stuff, he broke through mid-tier chewelry in a couple hours., Everything in my house has chew marks on it… tables, chairs, piano, entertainment center, beds, picture frames. You name it, there’s a nipple spot on it. It’s like forbidden fruit or something, he sneaks and does it when we aren’t looking. Countless chewies but chewing the house apart is more fun, lol., Thank you for sharing, I'm sure that was difficult for him and for you. But good for you for recognizing it and making the right decision for your kid! My little one is in speech and OT and we've never ventured outside of that scope, but his newest OT just recently completed some floortime course (or something) and I was under the impression that it was a "good thing". You've given me quite a bit to research and think about. Edit to add: feel free to ignore this if you're worried it'll stir the pot, but have you tried ABA, or have any personal experience with it? We've steered clear of it for the very reasons you put forth in your comment further up but now my head is spinning a little trying to pin this all down. Sorry if I'm prying too much. I just get the general idea that so many "therapies" are meant to really make our babes mask and I'm so so so not for that. :(, We did ESDM when he was first diagnosed. 10 hrs a week. In home, with a *fantastic* bcba. So not traditional ABA, but def in the ABA umbrella. It was life changing. 1 week in, tantrums disappeared. 2 weeks in, first gestalt. 6 months in, meeting age appropriate verbal milestones. All 100% child led. BCBA was the one who introduced us to the controversies around ABA, was incredibly neurodiversity affirming in all his goals. As for therapies-you are in charge of your kid's goals. Therapy is about learning and generalizing new skills. Decide, or let your kid decide if they are capable, what to work on. Kiddo's OT and SLP make him participate in an age appropriate way in choosing goals. They have since he was 3 (now 4). And sometimes (certainly not always), he knows what he needs more than we do!

Don't know what to do

Good afternoon. Our (38M/38F) son is 14 now. He was diagnosed at around 2.5 years old. Things have been... ok, until around a year and a half ago and I am unsure of what to do, if anything. &#x200B; Our son is extremely violent. He anywhere from 2 to 5 major meltdowns a day, usually triggered by being denied a preferred activity or for no reason we can see. This results in him really trying to hurt my wife and I. From punching, kicking, biting and headbutting. He has even started wielding weapons, anything he can find next to him, to strike us with. If he is not hurting us, he is self harming. That is hitting his face and smashing his head against the wall/floor. If he is not doing that, he is destroying the house. The walls are falling apart as he punches through the drywall. Most of our interior doors are destroyed from my wife hiding behind them and him kicking them in. Our upstairs floors are collapsing from him stopping. &#x200B; I am still strong enough to hold him down when need be. He still gets me pretty good, but I can handle it. Its frustrating and wears me down, but I can do it. My wife, on the other hand, is not strong enough. She just takes the blows or tries to hide behind a door (see above for damages). &#x200B; We have tried many, many medications. None have helped, most either made things worse or had horrible side effects. &#x200B; This would all be bad enough, but it gets worse. I am currently active duty Navy (18.5 years in) and the Navy is sending me to sea duty that will put me underway for more then a year. I don't think my wife can do this on her own. I am concerned for her and my son's safety. I have petitioned the Navy to let me on humanitarian orders until I retire next November, but they have denied my request and I have no choice but to go to sea (we are stationed in San Diego). &#x200B; I don't know what to do. I can't sleep im so stressed and just anticipate the next mornings inevitable meltdowns. We can't seem to find any alternative housing for him since he is still young. We are desperate. &#x200B; &#x200B;

This is just my personal opinion and experience. I’m not a doctor, therapist, counselor, or anything like that. I’m just a mom who went through what you’re going through when my kiddo was younger (9/10). It was easier for me *in that kiddo was physically smaller* but it was still the worst part of our lives. My guiding principle is to draw the line at **safe** and **unsafe** behaviours. Telling me “I fucking hate you, I wish you were dead!” is safe. Telling me “I’m gonna kill you!” whilst holding a chef’s knife? That’s definitely unsafe. We literally had no glass, or “real” dishes, or any type of knifes in the house. We used paper plates and disposable plastic cups (paper coffee cups for me also). All the glassware went into storage. All the metal flatware, dishes, cookware, everything that could conceivably be used to injure or harm himself (or me) was removed. Even the hardcover books had to go. He whacked me with a large hardcover book in the head. It was just impossible for us. He ended up being hospitalized. Your kiddo is bigger and stronger than mine was, and from your post I’m sensing he has zero hold-back when he’s having a meltdown. That situation sounds unsafe. I’m going to agree with everyone saying he needs a medication adjustment. I also think that he needs residential treatment. I’m saying this as someone who has been there, because if your kiddo seriously harms themself, or your spouse, or you, you may not be in a position where you can determine the outcome. The fact is, once you are in an unsafe environment, the outcome is not likely to improve **on it’s own** and you have reached the point of requiring professional intervention. There’s nothing we, as parents, can do for a child who is out of control. If you look at your child’s behaviour as communication, what they are saying is “I need help.” I don’t know your kid, and I don’t know you, but I do know that no child wants to live the way that your kid is living. I hope that you have a trusted professional who can help you navigate this situation. I would start with your child’s care team, if you have one. If not, a psychiatrist or developmental pediatrician would also be a good place to start. I imagine as an active duty service member there may be people in a position to give you advice on your resources and what’s available. I don’t know specifically but it can’t hurt to ask around. I wish you all the best, and I’m sorry your family is going through this., Hey man, I am also in the Navy, 18 years, and stationed in San Diego. My son is 11 and has similar melt downs. Felt like I was reading my own post. DM me and I’ll be happy to chat with you about how I’ve gone navigated this, and specifically the medication aspect., My five year old is non verbal and becomes violent to himself and others during meltdowns. We are so scared for the future for him. I hope you find something that works. I’ll follow this post for more updates., This may or may not be useful advice, but have you considered a 302 commitment? Involuntary psych commitment; you would need to call EMS (or crisis team, if you have one in your area) with the next violent episode, and ask for a commitment. The initial timeframe is 72 hours (at least here in Pennsylvania); he would have a psychiatric/behavioral evaluation, and would be assessed for further treatment. I hate to suggest something so drastic, but he is clearly a danger to anybody around him during these episodes, so he would qualify. Once he’s in a psych hospital, perhaps you can access further placement/resources., Oh this sounds so hard. Sounds like puberty is really hitting him hard. Have you guys tried an anti depressant/anti anxiety medication? Have you been able to identify any triggers? Does he have any insight?, Have you requested the school district for residential placement ? They’re responsible for a portion of the placement but most of the bill is covered by the state. I assume he displays the same behaviors at school but I guess the school staff just throw more people to restrain him instead of addressing the behaviors, which is not acceptable. You don’t have a rotating team of paras to help you at home, plus I assume he’s not even getting FAPE due to the behaviors impeding learning. Try to get an advocate asap and keep documenting all the physical and property damage, Former ER Tech/Hospital EMT. Your situation is not safe and not sustainable. He needs long term care or a Med adjustment. You're not a failure as parents, you're not giving up on him. He just needs more than you can give. My child is 8 and we've just begun seeing minor violent episodes. Hope this helps. Be strong., [deleted], My son is the same age. If he was acting out in such a violent manner I would inquire about medication. Antipsychotics typically work pretty well for aggression., Redirect and stay calm is the only thing i feel like i can keep doing. Its incredibly hard and mentally exhausting., Have you tried ABA? This is a long-game because you have to get on Medicaid first, typically, To pay for it, and that takes a couple of months at least, them there is a waitlist with agencies for the service itself. I was terrified on aba due to horror stories i have read, but in desperation i tried it, and its been great. My kid loves it and it is effective. Experience will be different depending on the child, the therapist, and the behaviors, but the therapy has come a long way since it's roll out. You could consider asking his pediatrician about trying cbd isolate gummies, in lieu of medication, if you have not already. Finally, neurofeedback therapy greatly reduced my sons meltdowns. If you go this route, i recommend getting a brain map done. It is worth the cost becasue it shows you where the hot spots are and helps them focus treayment right away. Praying for your family. It's so much. My kids are younger but i have been in a similar spot., I’d be cautious about trying ABA bc I think it’ll put the RBT in a dangerous situation. I’ve hired tutors who worked as RBTs and they’ve been hurt badly from kids as young as 10. Have you tried Clonidine? One of my son’s psychiatrists uses it for autistic psych ward patients who are out of control. I piggyback it with half of a Benadryl bc it takes an hour or so before the sedation kicks in. Zyprexa toned down my son’s aggression and irritability by 40-50%. We recently added Zoloft at night which reduced his self-harming by 70-80% during the day. It also improved his mood. He seems to run out of juice and gets angry between 4-6 pm, so I give him a half dose of Clonidine. No one medication will help 100%. What your son needs is a drug cocktail. Is he seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in autistic kids? We’ve tried many meds as well. Guanfacine worked for a month. Risperidone gave him an ocd like movement disorder. CBD oil worked for a couple of months. Benadryl by itself doesn’t sedate him. Abilify didn’t have an effect. Xanax only worked for two hours, and then it rebounded making him even more angry than he was. Melatonin gave him headaches. My son has seen five psychiatrists. Each contributed something that worked. It’s like putting a puzzle together. Honestly, I think my son’s symptoms are consistent with bipolars although I am not saying my son is nor am I diagnosing him as such. I agree that your son is too dangerous to remain at home alone with your wife. I wonder if you could do a 5150 the next time this happens? Since he has actually put you in danger, I wonder if this route would work and fast track him into a psych ward the next time he harms again. I’m worried for your wife’s safety after you leave as much as you do. If you get him into a psych ward, talk to the social worker in person. They’re very busy and overworked, but they’ll have the most info. They might be more knowledgeable than the psychiatrist. Is there a regional center in your area? I don’t understand why our system (US) seemingly withhold information on how to help us with situations like yours. Good luck. You and your wife have already gone above and beyond. Now it’s time to let the professionals take over., do you think that maybe something he can hit can help him with that anger? something like a punching bag could possibly be helpful. is he able to say anything or is he nonverbal?, try magnesium to keep him calm, OP, I’m sorry I can’t offer any sort of advice to help. I hope you all can be safe. I think priority is safety for you and your family so whatever path is needed is probably the best one., You need services - respite definitely, residential probably. There are state agencies that provide these Serivces - I don’t know what they are called in California- I’d google autism services in California and see what turns up and start making loads of calls until you get to the right person/agency. I’m not going to lie, it is hard and time consuming. Sending your family love, we need to do better supporting families., My son had issues with meltdowns and aggression. It slowed way down by age 19. Puberty wreaks havoc for ASD kids (and parents). Have a safety plan. Try medication. We used **Abilify** which sedated him and had side effects (hunger, disorientation). He was on that from age 12-16. BUT if I could do it over, I'd start with **Gabapentin**, a mild drug that lowers stress by increasing GABA and calming neurons. ASD people are chronically low on GABA. Gabapentin is safe and can be an adjunct medication. Also, get this book: '**People with Autism Behaving Badly:** Helping People with ASD Move On from Behavioral and Emotional Challenges'. \~By John Clements Be ok with calling the police for help. Calling in advance and having our local police label our home as one with an autistic person was helpful. This way, when I needed the police, they understood the situation. Oh yeah, hide the cutlery, just in case. My son did not plot to hurt me but in a melt down I wasn't sure what would happen. Having non breakable dishes helped too., Good looking out!, Everyone is different but in our personal experience our nonverbal 6 year old son (beginning at 4) would bite himself and get very violent with us. What we've found to make a night and day difference is going COMPLETELY gluten and casein free. After being gfcf for about a month the violence and meltdowns stopped and only got better the longer we stick with the diet. The biting (and occasional non painful/gentle pinch) persisted but turns out he was in pain from dental issues. After we got that fixed ALL biting and pinching stopped completely. From all I've read on gluten it seems most these kiddos have gluten sensitivity (not necessarily celiac). I recommend to everyone to do a trial gluten and casein(milk protein) free diet. Literally life changing and saving for our family., This is next on our list to try. Its obviously not something we want to do, but we might not have a choice., We havent but I do have a meeting with his teacher this week. He was moved from the public school to a specialty school in San Diego. He does display the same issues at school and they are struggling as well., This., My 8 year old says those thinks about his little brother too. It’s absolutely terrifying., We have tried quite a few. Serequel, Risperidone, Aripiprazole... none helped with the aggression., Just curious, with all the meds your son is taking, has this “cocktail” been vetted through by professionals? Do you give low doses of each? My son is five and still has his meltdowns. Just started him on guanfacine about a week ago. Only thing I have really noticed is that it’s been making him nap in the afternoon. I hope it works., We actually tried that last year to no effect, but I am glad it worked for someone :), It may also be a good idea to log his episodes; date, time, behaviors, and possible triggers, if any. Include photos of any physical damage he does, and even damage to his environment. An involuntary commitment has to be approved before a judge at some point, and a written record may help you. I’m a retired nurse who worked in long term care for many years, and in Pennsylvania, it’s getting more and more difficult to get a 302 approved, partially because of a shortage of psych beds in hospitals. I would imagine that this may be the case in many areas. Edit: Sorry if I sound too clinical. My 6 yo grandson is recently diagnosed with ASD level 2 and ADHD, and I often worry about his future, especially when he goes through puberty. I hope you find the resources your family needs, and I wish you all the best 🙂, I am dealing with similar issues, he is so strong and when he is not able to control environment/me he loses it. Bites(he bit through my finger to bone and I have no feeling now there) my stomach got infected from bite and took month to clear up. He bruises,pinches and I have to lock myself in bedroom/bathroom. He's almost strong enough to take door off hinges by punching so hard. He attacks in car and today was 4th time it happened and first time I was able to pull over safely. Other times I went in ditch, almost hit a tree, and ran into other lane. I am leaning towards hospital stay with medication monitoring but dealing with guilt. Prob will end up that way soon. I had to wear Tshirt at water park bc my arms were so bruised and that's the norm here., Look into Latuda and Caplyta. They are new antipsychotics. My sons self injury is usually in response to anxiety. It’s like the pain from the SIB curbs the anxiety . Would he respond to a schedule? Maybe knowing what’s happening in the day would releve some anxiety., We've tried those with my daughter, too, with no luck. Adding Haldol 3x per day seemed to initially help, but we are back at square one with the outbursts and aggression as well. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really do empathize., Zyprexa?, The medications above are the ones we tried but didn’t work. It’s not as many as it seems. This is over two years. Since it’s all prescription medications, yes, it’s vetted by child psychiatrists., Look into Gabapentin, it worked so well for us and is anxiolytic without being addictive., Thanks for the suggestion! I don't think I've heard of this one yet. Do you mind sharing more detail on how it affected your kid? I'd love to know more!, i take gabapentin for anxiety (and mood, i've discovered). it does literal wonders for me. i have ADHD (not so much the H part, though), OCD, GAD, and mild depression. Gabapentin is AMAZING for me., He reported a sense of calm, able to fall asleep easier without intrusive thoughts keeping him up. It worked immediately to calm him without side effects, unlike antidepressants that take weeks and may have serious mood effects. I notice he is not irritable and keeps his cool under stress. He argues less. The stakes aren't as high. I no longer feel like he'll lose it. I posted a comic strip about it here. The only other GABA booster is Valium which is addictive and works entirely differently from Gabapentin (which is not addictive). Gabapentin also buffers your nerves which really helps with overstimulation. Doctors prescribe it for nerve pain. I wish we'd started it sooner. I hope this helps calm your kid. We tried absolutely every childhood intervention, ABA, therapy and drug, including Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. We tried CBD and Atarax for emergencies. Gabapentin daily worked best. My son just needed a break from his nervous system., Wow, wow, WOW. This sounds so much like my daughter that I am almost afraid to feel hopeful about it. The thought that any of this could improve feels so... far away. Out of reach. How did you go about getting a prescription for it? The person we see now refuses to take her off Abilify, eventhough we repeatedly say we don't feel it works, saying "it's the best out there." If that were true, then it would work! And brains are not one-size-fits-all, ESPECIALLY with medication. I am hopeful we can get in with a new psychiatrist soon after being on a waitlist and now my husband being laid off. It's all been so hard. But your mention of your son needing a break from his nervous system is EXACTLY what I've been saying about my daughter, so it really hits home and resonates. Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!, If you feel your psychiatrist is not working in your child's best interest you have the right to change. I would look for a psychiatrist who specializes in ASD. Or one that will work with you. Always wait till school is out to do any medication change. Remember always that you are your child's best advocate. You live with her and see her reactions. Doctors don't. Don't let "specialists" railroad you into backing down. Hang in there! My son was on Abilify for 4 years starting at age 12 because of aggression. The aggression was stress (and puberty) based. He was a sweet kid in general but was going berserk and being unsafe. Abilify slowed his aggressive behaviour. It dulled his wits. He stopped reading and creating. At 16 he wanted to stop Abilify. By then the ravages of puberty were slowing down. He was older. His psychiatrist 'Herb Schreier' a well known ASD specialist, said he'd never heard of anyone going off Abilify but he was supportive. We waited till summer vacation and tapered my son off. Tapering wasn't bad. Suddenly he began reading for fun and being creative again. I'm not saying it was smooth sailing. He did have some meltdowns and some unsafe behaviors after that but he'd had those with Abilify too. It seemed like the right thing for him to stop Abilify. We've had several episodes over the years since and tried other drugs but they failed for various reasons. Also, his meltdowns became fewer with age (and stopping school/homework). Since then, my son is triggered by deadlines, anxiety, perceived blame and perseveration on being right. It's a nightmare but he's not physically aggressive anymore. We only discovered Gabapentin because we were going through one of these rough periods and I reached out to my autistic adult niece. She suggested Gabapentin for his anxiety. We just asked our new psychiatrist (non ASD informed), at Kaiser for it and he agreed instantly. I believe the drug is very safe so it's easy to get. It may help with tapering off Abilify too., I absolutely agree on waiting to be out of school for the medication change! We had hoped to be with the new psychiatrist over the summer before my daughter started school in August (also when I'm due with a baby, so we hoped to start new meds June/July), but my husband was laid off before he could accept his paternity leave. So we can't expedite things as we had fought so hard to do, which is just... disheartening. Everything you've described about your son's experience on Abilify sounds like my daughter. She used to love coloring, painting, baking, creating - there was this spark to her when it came to math and any form of art and music, and now it's just been so dulled. She cares more about sitting and eating for the sake of consuming, which an ER doctor noted could be common on Abilify. You are making me feel like trusting my gut and weaning her off of it. She has been on it for 4 years as well, and we have tried every dose safe for her size/age, and increasing the dosage has only made her rage and reactivity worse, which surprised us. And all that to say, I hate the thought of putting her on a dose or medication that essentially tranquilizers her throughout the day. She has so much to offer the world and to herself, and I want her to have the chance to be a kid in whatever capacity she can! Sorry for such a long-winded response. Reading your experience has just been so incredibly validating and encouraging. I can't remember the last time I felt either. So thank you. Really. ❤❤, Yeah, Abilify made my son SO hungry. He gained a lot of weight. He was hyper focused on food and got really upset if I tried to regulate food intake. I had to stock the fridge with celery and carrots. After he stopped Abilify the constant need to eat stopped. His "spark" as you said, came back. Your daughter will need her creativity for personal growth, to find her niche in the world. Anything you might do to help her is in her best interest, and yours. Remember always that you are your child's best advocate. You live with her and see her reactions. Doctors don't. Don't let "specialists" railroad you into unsuitable medications. Hang in there!, I feel for your situation. I had a baby when my son was a toddler. It can be overwhelming. It might be good to get a babysitter or respite care set up for your older child when the baby comes. Regional Center provides respite for free (lots of paperwork). It was worth it for me. I wish you all the luck in the world., Thank you so much! She's also been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and we are looking into intensive in-home therapy for her (hopefully covered by Medicaid if/when we can get approval). Your compassion really means a lot to me! Thank you!!, hugs

Dr Amy Yasko's Protocol

Hi guys. Im new here. I want to ask someone who followed **Dr Amy Yasko Protocol.** I want to ask how you felt after following the protocol. Is it legit. How much money do we have to spend on the protocol tests and supplements etc. Is it worth it I have been recently diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I recently got my Whole genome sequenced as well, all in the hope of finding out how i can get better but the thing is everything goes over my head

This post/comment was closed for violating the sub's "No Pseudo-Science/MLM" policy., Not much info but I did find this [pseudoscience](https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/dr-amy-yaskos-autism-protocol-unproven-complicated-and-expensive/)

Dropping the pacifier (age 6)

Hi, I’m looking for some personal tips to share with my friend. She just dropped the pacifier, which has been a major comfort for her 6 year old his whole life. He lost his first tooth, and they threw the pacifier away together. He still has the leash for it. Day 3, doing pretty well! But he told her that he feels nervous without it and was very sad holding the leash. Like real tears, real sadness, not just upset. Obviously, that’s super hard for mom to hear and see. She’s talking with him about alternatives, like a special stuffy or toy he can hug and squeeze, but he’s not interested right now. Obviously a lot of it is just time and practice, but I figured I’d check and see if anyone had any tips for other replacement options (chewy necklaces for example) or other methods that they’ve been successful with in helping a kiddo drop the pacifier and manage anxiety without it.

I feel you on this one., I feel you on this one., I feel you on this one., I feel you on this one.

Durable bed options?

Hi fellow autism parents! First time posting. My 6 y/o daughter has ASD and has areas of high support needs (clinically level 3 but we don’t like the level system). She is extremely brave and fearless, which is great, except for when it comes to her bedroom furniture. She has broken 3 bed frames from extreme bed jump in and is now on her mattress on the floor. I was wondering if any other parents have kids who are rough and seem to break the unbreakable and have found a bed that can handle the relentless jumping. I feel bad that her room is so barren of furniture for her own safety yet I want her to have a proper bed frame. Any suggestions?

Asking with curiosity, why do you want her to have a proper bed frame? Does she want to have a bed? My child had a floor bed once they graduated from the crib. We eventually bought a bunk bed which they slept in for awhile, but they now sleep on the floor again, because they like it. I assume at some point they’ll go back into bed, but we are at well over a year back on the floor., Look into the Cubby Safety Bed its been great for us. Very expensive but you can run it through medical insurance. Roughly 2-3K out of pocket., We switched to a memory foam one and it wasn't so fun to jump and bounce on and it stopped., We have all mattresses on the floor in my home once my son started jumping off of things, My son is only 5 and has broken too many beds, so I got him this forever bed frame and a memory foam mattress (no springs this time). https://preview.redd.it/vi6u5f8z2lsc1.png?width=970&format=png&auto=webp&s=a220b9bbca4d814221c23e7d9cd12b1aa1ba3191, She does like having a bed frame. She gravitates to her sister’s bed all the time because she loves it being off the ground. Same with her bed at my parents/her grandparents house. So it’s not a lack of her interest, she’s just rough on furniture since she sensory seeks by jumping. Also I have major mom guilt over it. Her room looks like an orphanage because all she has in her room is her mattress on the floor, her tv on the wall, a low profile dresser, and a few toys she keeps on her “bed”., https://www.abedderworld.com/5-sturdy-bed-frames-for-active-couples-2020.html/ I googled and found many hits like this. Might find some info that way. Have you tried getting her a mini-trampoline as an alternative? , Please don’t have mom guilt about what your child’s bedroom looks like. Simple and safe is perfectly fine. Have you tried metal bed frames with a canvas instead of wooden slats? https://a.co/d/2WO0StQ https://www.roomstogo.com/furniture/product/full-bunkie-boards/50422600?storeCode=2303&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PMax+-+Kids+%26+Teens+-+TX&utm_content=&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD_PGNqQZ4d7ZFenuAka2wqiIsSg3&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn7mwBhCiARIsAGoxjaKARXbMUIBcmiF_xtXluxUZsh9xha1WpG8zDpz_CvejkDanDzgvhj4aAstfEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#, They are called bunky boards I think., Asking with curiosity, why do you want her to have a proper bed frame? Does she want to have a bed? My child had a floor bed once they graduated from the crib. We eventually bought a bunk bed which they slept in for awhile, but they now sleep on the floor again, because they like it. I assume at some point they’ll go back into bed, but we are at well over a year back on the floor., Look into the Cubby Safety Bed its been great for us. Very expensive but you can run it through medical insurance. Roughly 2-3K out of pocket., We switched to a memory foam one and it wasn't so fun to jump and bounce on and it stopped., We have all mattresses on the floor in my home once my son started jumping off of things, My son is only 5 and has broken too many beds, so I got him this forever bed frame and a memory foam mattress (no springs this time). https://preview.redd.it/vi6u5f8z2lsc1.png?width=970&format=png&auto=webp&s=a220b9bbca4d814221c23e7d9cd12b1aa1ba3191, She does like having a bed frame. She gravitates to her sister’s bed all the time because she loves it being off the ground. Same with her bed at my parents/her grandparents house. So it’s not a lack of her interest, she’s just rough on furniture since she sensory seeks by jumping. Also I have major mom guilt over it. Her room looks like an orphanage because all she has in her room is her mattress on the floor, her tv on the wall, a low profile dresser, and a few toys she keeps on her “bed”., https://www.abedderworld.com/5-sturdy-bed-frames-for-active-couples-2020.html/ I googled and found many hits like this. Might find some info that way. Have you tried getting her a mini-trampoline as an alternative? , Please don’t have mom guilt about what your child’s bedroom looks like. Simple and safe is perfectly fine. Have you tried metal bed frames with a canvas instead of wooden slats? https://a.co/d/2WO0StQ https://www.roomstogo.com/furniture/product/full-bunkie-boards/50422600?storeCode=2303&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PMax+-+Kids+%26+Teens+-+TX&utm_content=&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD_PGNqQZ4d7ZFenuAka2wqiIsSg3&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn7mwBhCiARIsAGoxjaKARXbMUIBcmiF_xtXluxUZsh9xha1WpG8zDpz_CvejkDanDzgvhj4aAstfEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#, They are called bunky boards I think., Asking with curiosity, why do you want her to have a proper bed frame? Does she want to have a bed? My child had a floor bed once they graduated from the crib. We eventually bought a bunk bed which they slept in for awhile, but they now sleep on the floor again, because they like it. I assume at some point they’ll go back into bed, but we are at well over a year back on the floor., Look into the Cubby Safety Bed its been great for us. Very expensive but you can run it through medical insurance. Roughly 2-3K out of pocket., We switched to a memory foam one and it wasn't so fun to jump and bounce on and it stopped., We have all mattresses on the floor in my home once my son started jumping off of things, My son is only 5 and has broken too many beds, so I got him this forever bed frame and a memory foam mattress (no springs this time). https://preview.redd.it/vi6u5f8z2lsc1.png?width=970&format=png&auto=webp&s=a220b9bbca4d814221c23e7d9cd12b1aa1ba3191, She does like having a bed frame. She gravitates to her sister’s bed all the time because she loves it being off the ground. Same with her bed at my parents/her grandparents house. So it’s not a lack of her interest, she’s just rough on furniture since she sensory seeks by jumping. Also I have major mom guilt over it. Her room looks like an orphanage because all she has in her room is her mattress on the floor, her tv on the wall, a low profile dresser, and a few toys she keeps on her “bed”., https://www.abedderworld.com/5-sturdy-bed-frames-for-active-couples-2020.html/ I googled and found many hits like this. Might find some info that way. Have you tried getting her a mini-trampoline as an alternative? , Please don’t have mom guilt about what your child’s bedroom looks like. Simple and safe is perfectly fine. Have you tried metal bed frames with a canvas instead of wooden slats? https://a.co/d/2WO0StQ https://www.roomstogo.com/furniture/product/full-bunkie-boards/50422600?storeCode=2303&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PMax+-+Kids+%26+Teens+-+TX&utm_content=&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD_PGNqQZ4d7ZFenuAka2wqiIsSg3&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn7mwBhCiARIsAGoxjaKARXbMUIBcmiF_xtXluxUZsh9xha1WpG8zDpz_CvejkDanDzgvhj4aAstfEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#, They are called bunky boards I think., Asking with curiosity, why do you want her to have a proper bed frame? Does she want to have a bed? My child had a floor bed once they graduated from the crib. We eventually bought a bunk bed which they slept in for awhile, but they now sleep on the floor again, because they like it. I assume at some point they’ll go back into bed, but we are at well over a year back on the floor., Look into the Cubby Safety Bed its been great for us. Very expensive but you can run it through medical insurance. Roughly 2-3K out of pocket., We switched to a memory foam one and it wasn't so fun to jump and bounce on and it stopped., We have all mattresses on the floor in my home once my son started jumping off of things, My son is only 5 and has broken too many beds, so I got him this forever bed frame and a memory foam mattress (no springs this time). https://preview.redd.it/vi6u5f8z2lsc1.png?width=970&format=png&auto=webp&s=a220b9bbca4d814221c23e7d9cd12b1aa1ba3191, She does like having a bed frame. She gravitates to her sister’s bed all the time because she loves it being off the ground. Same with her bed at my parents/her grandparents house. So it’s not a lack of her interest, she’s just rough on furniture since she sensory seeks by jumping. Also I have major mom guilt over it. Her room looks like an orphanage because all she has in her room is her mattress on the floor, her tv on the wall, a low profile dresser, and a few toys she keeps on her “bed”., https://www.abedderworld.com/5-sturdy-bed-frames-for-active-couples-2020.html/ I googled and found many hits like this. Might find some info that way. Have you tried getting her a mini-trampoline as an alternative? , Please don’t have mom guilt about what your child’s bedroom looks like. Simple and safe is perfectly fine. Have you tried metal bed frames with a canvas instead of wooden slats? https://a.co/d/2WO0StQ https://www.roomstogo.com/furniture/product/full-bunkie-boards/50422600?storeCode=2303&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PMax+-+Kids+%26+Teens+-+TX&utm_content=&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD_PGNqQZ4d7ZFenuAka2wqiIsSg3&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn7mwBhCiARIsAGoxjaKARXbMUIBcmiF_xtXluxUZsh9xha1WpG8zDpz_CvejkDanDzgvhj4aAstfEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#, They are called bunky boards I think.

Early Signs of Autism or Paranoia?? Please Help.

Okay, I have an almost 11 month old daughter. She has hit all of her physical milestones so far. She babbles, but has yet to have any true first words. She refuses to try to walk, but she crawls. She hates hugs and cuddling, but will give kisses and rub my face. VERY BAD separation anxiety. Will only let me and my mom hold her 90% of the time. Very picky eater. Doesn’t laugh much, but smiles a lot. Is this just her personality shining through, or are these early signs of autism? I’m a ftm, pretty young. Just trying to look out for the signs and get your input to prepare for early intervention if needed. Thanks in advance.

Go see someone, if you are thinking about it- go see a developmental psychologist. Trying to find your answer on Reddit isn't going to end well. Go see someone, if you have doubts go see someone else. Also, what are you looking for- are you wanting/needing help for some of these things? Or are they just things your live with? There are resources and help- a lot more useful then what anyone's opinion on here is, At that age it’s really hard to be sure, but I wouldn’t say there are glaring red flags. Some of the main red flags for a very young child include not talking by around 1 1/2 (it’s not uncommon for non-autistic children to speak later, but this is probably the point to start taking notice), noticeable lateness to achieve physical milestones and above all any sort or regression in development. Realistically though, it is hard to be able to confidently diagnose before about 2 years., Talk to her pediatrician, they should screen for ASD., The biggest signs for my daughter at thst age weren't necessarily lack of words because that's early still but lack of gestures and name response, does she respond to her name, clap, point, etc?, All sounds pretty typical to me. Does she respond to her name? Make good eye contact and seem interested in engaging with you?, My granddaughter is 16 mo old. My daughter has been bringing it up at her last several spots about signs she was seeing. Her pediatrician would say too early to tell but watch for certain signs. At her appt this week he finally agreed to do his evaluation and she was a level 8 out of 10. So we are finally getting referred to a pediatrician who specializes in autism. I think she is on the spectrum I don’t believe she is as serious as others I have read about. She has lack of eye contact for the lost part sometimes she will look at us and engage , she still only babbles no talking . She walks and is always on the go. Doesn’t sit and play with toys or engage with them she just likes to carry certain things around the house and just walk. It’s exhausting! Her sleep has become very short. She won’t go down til about 11 and is back up at 3 ready to go but then will fall back to sleep for maybe 30 min maybe 2 hours. She doesn’t respond to her name either. Very many things that I noticed are different compared to my own children or other grandchildren. I pray my daughter gets the answers she is looking for and the help she is looking for and hopefully all will work out and she develops just fine in the years to come. I hope you get the answers your looking for as well good luck to you, If there are concerns, you can reach out to E.I. for a base evaluation. Even if services aren’t warranted at the time, there is documentation to refer back to if the need arises. It will also give you peace of mind so you can understand what’s going on and also get resources on what to expect., It's hard to tell at that age even if properly trained and doing a proper assessment. Nevermind untrained people online sight unseen. Unless there are huge obvious signs. If she misses any milestones then I always recommend first thing you do is self refer to early intervention. Don't wait on doctors to push you just to end up at the same place. They will assess her and recommend therapies you can receive free of charge based on any deficits found. THEN worry about the ASD assessment. You don't need the diagnosis to start therapies. But I don't mean put it off either, you'll need it to qualify for more hours, qualify for ABA, and qualify for financial supports like Medicaid and waivers. If the pediatrician doesn't give you a screening questionnaire in a few months (they should but it's not an enforced standard) then you can do it yourself: https://www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child, Honestly she sounds like she's still in the normal range for her age. My NT son didn't walk until 15 months, but my ND son walked at 11months. Babbling, pointing, responding to her name all sound like good signs that she's developing normally so far and there are no red flags that she's on the spectrum. Just keep an eye on her, things can change but 11 months is really early to be worried when there aren't really any concerning signs., Call your state's early intervention program (if you are in the US). They will evaluate her and determine if she is delayed or not, then provide services if so., I guess just looking for advice as to where to start? I’m going to mention it to her ped if she hasn’t spoken first true words by 15 months. Or maybe some signs anyone else noticed in their young babies?, She claps. She will point but not at something she wants/to get her point across if that makes sense? Like she will point but she doesn’t understand what it means. She looks when her name is called. Maybe it’s just because I see so many other babies online doing so much more that is concerning me. 😣, This is great advice, My daughter does lots of steming and is extremely ridged, I started the evaluation process early-it takes 9mo-1yr in my city to even get an appointment- I got it started because befor she was even saying ten words she was steming by picking her diapers and then showing pica like behavior with mouthing it. She would intensely watch her hands or a spinning fan. We received speech therapy first and it did wonders my child is now a few months into 3 and we do ABA therapy and preschool and besides a few little quirks I don't think many people can tell and some are even surprised when I mention it. Side note, I was extremely blessed to have a verbal child, it took more work then some kids but I know speech never comes for some ASD diagnosis. Work with your kiddo as much as possible, talk about everything, it was hard for me at first, I tend to be on the quiet side and I really had to adjust to as much talking as I did. Remember ever child is different and these things come with time and growth. Starting at your primary care is a great - you are your child's best advocate, you know them best- don't let anyone even an MD tell you different. Don't get discouraged, sometimes the battle's for what your child needs can feel lonely reach out there is tones of support. Sorry if my first message seemed harsh- no one can tell you about your child, you have to tell them, and whatever chum on Reddit has to say is not what you need or want to hear, you need a doctors assessment and opinion ! Keep your eyes open and start a notebook, this will help at doctors! Good luck op, Another big thing is imitation, my daughter never imitates us or imitated our sounds. I do think it's a little early to be concerned but early intervention is also best, so I would bring it up to the pediatrician if you are worried!, Comparison is the thief of joy, don't let someone's baby that may be ahead for those age, make you think that your baby is behind. As long as your baby's growth and development is linear 🤷‍♀️.

Early diagnosis normal?

My son (3) has very limited speech and understanding. He is currently going to speech therapy. He says hey, bye and ready set go. He can say momma and dada but doesn’t relate them to anyone. Anyway, he was recommend for ASD evaluation and OT. When we applied for the OT evaluation his pediatrician had coded him as autistic without us going to a psychiatrist for ASD. Is this normal to have the diagnosis without a full evaluation? Do I still need to continue with the evaluation or is his pediatricians diagnosis the final word?

Yes, early diagnosis is very much the norm. I believe the average age is about 4 still. What happened with my kid, with people barely starting to suggest it when they hit their teens and then still having quite a few years until diagnosis is actually still not that common in the grand scheme of things, despite all the anecdotes people speaking out nowadays about that kind of diagnosis journey. I wouldn't just leave it up to the GP though. They aren't specialists. They can refer, but they shouldn't be doing the whole evaluation. Also, anybody thinking they know definitively in a few minutes is a big red flag. These assessments, including intake, observation, scoring, etc. tend to take several hours., I don't know where you live, but sometimes clinicians will use a provisional diagnostic code on paperwork for insurance purposes. Even if the diagnosis seems accurate to you, it would be worth your while to follow through with a full evaluation. The full evaluation and the discussion of results will give you more information both about the specifics of your child's strengths, weaknesses, and needs, and also about the range of therapies and services and resources recommended and available to you. It will also help document his needs for purposes of receiving special education in the future, should it be needed. (In the US, medical diagnosis and educational diagnosis are different things, but the record of medical diagnosis and associated evaluations can make it easier to advocate for special education services.), Thank you! It just struck me odd that she did that. She has spent maybe an hour with him total for his entire life. He doesn’t have a lot of the traits that I’ve read about but does have a few. I’ll continue with the specialist!, Yes, early diagnosis is very much the norm. I believe the average age is about 4 still. What happened with my kid, with people barely starting to suggest it when they hit their teens and then still having quite a few years until diagnosis is actually still not that common in the grand scheme of things, despite all the anecdotes people speaking out nowadays about that kind of diagnosis journey. I wouldn't just leave it up to the GP though. They aren't specialists. They can refer, but they shouldn't be doing the whole evaluation. Also, anybody thinking they know definitively in a few minutes is a big red flag. These assessments, including intake, observation, scoring, etc. tend to take several hours., I don't know where you live, but sometimes clinicians will use a provisional diagnostic code on paperwork for insurance purposes. Even if the diagnosis seems accurate to you, it would be worth your while to follow through with a full evaluation. The full evaluation and the discussion of results will give you more information both about the specifics of your child's strengths, weaknesses, and needs, and also about the range of therapies and services and resources recommended and available to you. It will also help document his needs for purposes of receiving special education in the future, should it be needed. (In the US, medical diagnosis and educational diagnosis are different things, but the record of medical diagnosis and associated evaluations can make it easier to advocate for special education services.), Thank you! It just struck me odd that she did that. She has spent maybe an hour with him total for his entire life. He doesn’t have a lot of the traits that I’ve read about but does have a few. I’ll continue with the specialist!, Yes, early diagnosis is very much the norm. I believe the average age is about 4 still. What happened with my kid, with people barely starting to suggest it when they hit their teens and then still having quite a few years until diagnosis is actually still not that common in the grand scheme of things, despite all the anecdotes people speaking out nowadays about that kind of diagnosis journey. I wouldn't just leave it up to the GP though. They aren't specialists. They can refer, but they shouldn't be doing the whole evaluation. Also, anybody thinking they know definitively in a few minutes is a big red flag. These assessments, including intake, observation, scoring, etc. tend to take several hours., I don't know where you live, but sometimes clinicians will use a provisional diagnostic code on paperwork for insurance purposes. Even if the diagnosis seems accurate to you, it would be worth your while to follow through with a full evaluation. The full evaluation and the discussion of results will give you more information both about the specifics of your child's strengths, weaknesses, and needs, and also about the range of therapies and services and resources recommended and available to you. It will also help document his needs for purposes of receiving special education in the future, should it be needed. (In the US, medical diagnosis and educational diagnosis are different things, but the record of medical diagnosis and associated evaluations can make it easier to advocate for special education services.), Thank you! It just struck me odd that she did that. She has spent maybe an hour with him total for his entire life. He doesn’t have a lot of the traits that I’ve read about but does have a few. I’ll continue with the specialist!, Yes, early diagnosis is very much the norm. I believe the average age is about 4 still. What happened with my kid, with people barely starting to suggest it when they hit their teens and then still having quite a few years until diagnosis is actually still not that common in the grand scheme of things, despite all the anecdotes people speaking out nowadays about that kind of diagnosis journey. I wouldn't just leave it up to the GP though. They aren't specialists. They can refer, but they shouldn't be doing the whole evaluation. Also, anybody thinking they know definitively in a few minutes is a big red flag. These assessments, including intake, observation, scoring, etc. tend to take several hours., I don't know where you live, but sometimes clinicians will use a provisional diagnostic code on paperwork for insurance purposes. Even if the diagnosis seems accurate to you, it would be worth your while to follow through with a full evaluation. The full evaluation and the discussion of results will give you more information both about the specifics of your child's strengths, weaknesses, and needs, and also about the range of therapies and services and resources recommended and available to you. It will also help document his needs for purposes of receiving special education in the future, should it be needed. (In the US, medical diagnosis and educational diagnosis are different things, but the record of medical diagnosis and associated evaluations can make it easier to advocate for special education services.), Thank you! It just struck me odd that she did that. She has spent maybe an hour with him total for his entire life. He doesn’t have a lot of the traits that I’ve read about but does have a few. I’ll continue with the specialist!

Early signs of autism?

Hi all, Just looking for someone to hear me out as a first time mom navigating some new developments with my son. My son is 9 months (I know…too young to be diagnosed) and I have brought up concerns to our pediatrician and others and everyone consistently brushes me off as “oh it’ll happen” although my gut instinct tells me differently and has from the beginning. My son has always made little eye contact even from a very young age, and doesn’t care to hold eye contact for very long. Even when we hold him on our laps, he will look to either side but never straight on directly at us. He is also behind in his gross motor skills and we have him in PT for this. He just recently started rolling from back to tummy but doesn’t show any signs of crawling at this point. Language wise he does not babble at all. No “ga” or “ba” or “da” or anything even close to that. He mainly just blows raspberries and does a lot of “ahhh” sounds but nothing else. We have had his ears checked and were told that it seemed like there was fluid in his ears, and we go for a follow up with that next week. He also frequently flaps his arms which I know is a baby behavior, but he will do this mainly when he’s upset or seems overstimulated and it’s almost constant. To add: my son was born 6 weeks early and was in the NICU for 4 weeks (9 months is his actual age). He was there mainly as a feeder/grower and had no other issues that we have found. As a mom, I just want to do the best that I can and give him any resources to help him as early as needed. Anytime I bring this up to others and even our pediatrician, he is labeled a “late bloomer” and we get the “he will do it on his own time” But to be honest, my gut has told me something is different early on but I seem to get nowhere when asking for help. To add: He does respond to his name some of the time (I’d say about 50% of the time) and he is a very smiley happy and laughing baby for the most part. Any advice that anyone can give me? Maybe I am just overthinking everything as a first time parent? Thanks for your input ❤️

[deleted], This is very similar situation to me and my son. And turns out I was right about him having autism. Don’t worry about what everyone says or think just trust your gut! And keep bugging the doctors about it, My son’s symptoms were no babbling, poor sleep, not responding to his name or words, no pointing. He was a happy and affectionate baby. He also did the flapping when excited. He did meet all physical milestones with sitting, crawling and was walking by 10 months., How are his smiles? Responding to his name? Eating solids?, Definitely reasonable to be concerned, could go either way, When I think back to my own son, I realize his sensory seeking was excessive. Always wanting to be in motion, constantly putting everything in his mouth. I always thought he was just active but I had a feeling something was different. He’s 3 years old and diagnosed with level 1 a few months ago. I agree I feel like it could go either way. But it’s good to be prepared and be open minded about the possibility. The screenings they have at the pediatricians are so black and white. My only advice is if you have any sort of doubt at his next check up to explore the possibility more. It’s an easy referral and evaluation., Your concerns are valid! I’m shocked your Ped. Doesn’t want to look into this further and just brushing it off. I would find another pediatrician and see what they think, find a ABA therapist to see what they think. Yes he’s young but signs are signs. I’ve read premature babies, have a higher risk of autism., You have a preemie boy, you should be concerned. Premature birth is associated with autism. My advice is to introduce a variety of foods. Stick with the PT and OT. Enjoy your child. If he gets diagnosis, you will get some more tools for your toolbox., Definitely reach out to early intervention, you don’t need a doctors referral at least in my state. If he’s already been evaluated by PT and found to be behind that eval may get you additional PT sessions in your home through EI, it doesn’t hurt to have more. And from our experience everyone who works in EI is trained to notice other delays like in speech or social skills so they can sort of keep an eye on that. When your son gets to age 1, look for whether he’s pointing at things with one finger, and then a bit after that if he’s looking to see if you’re looking too. Lack of pointing and joint attention are common early red flags., I teach kids with autism. You are correct to suspect autism. Call the Help Me Grow program in your area and ask them to come assess your child at home. Sometimes it's called Early Head Start. Have your pediatrician give you a referral for an assessment at the local children's hospital. It is not too early to diagnose your child., I agree with what most people have said. You should definitely keep an eye on this. Maybe it turns out to be a misinterpretation, or maybe you're right, but fighting to get your kid assessed when the time comes is the right move. I do just wanna add, though: >he is a very smiley happy and laughing baby for the most part. People said that about me when I was a baby as well 😅 If someone tells you that there's nothing to worry about because of that specifically, they're in the wrong! Of course that often is a sign, but being happy and smiling as an infant / toddler most definitely does not cross out autism., It seems like it could go either way. These very well could be early signs of ASD. You do mention though that he was six weeks early, which by itself can cause developmental delays that don’t necessarily mean autism., Sounds similar to my experience with my son; delayed motor skills, limited babbling, flapping hands and opening his mouth when excited, etc. He had red flags for autism at his 1 year check up and went on to receive an official diagnosis. My son also has apraxia of speech and motor planning is very poor. But he does have words, including mommy and daddy, so I strongly support others advice for early intervention. I can’t diagnose but services will only help him whether he is autistic or not., Hi there - any updates?, Thank you for this! I will check into early intervention!, Thank you! If you don’t mind me asking, is there anything that you did that helped with speech development? I am personally just have a hard time with the speech more than anything. Maybe it’s selfish, but I just want to hear him say “mamma” or “dada” so badly and just feel that it will never happen., He is honestly a very smiley baby for the most part. We get the comment of "he is such a happy baby" more often than not. He responds to his name I'd say about half the time and the other time he could care less lol. He does eat solids, we haven't done BLW but we do purees and he seems to enjoy those quite a bit. We've done a mix of fruits/veggies so far, Thank you so much for the validation, They are so black and white! We have an upcoming appointment with our ped soon so I will definitely see what else we can do referral wise. I’ve had a feeling early on that something was “different” but just couldn’t quite explain how or why. I do believe there is something to be said about gut instinct., Thank you!, May I ask what the red flags were at his 1 year check up? Worried about my son who is about to turn one, Hi there! A few updates but not a whole lot so far. The biggest one being that my little guy did finally start babbling! He now says “mom” “dad” and “baba (bottle)” and then also the baby babbles that we’re not sure what they mean lol. He randomly started on a Sunday morning out of nowhere and it was amazing to say the least. Still loves to flap his arms quite a bit and also now sticks his tongue out a lot, but not much more in that area. Still behind gross motor wise (not crawling or walking or anything of the sorts) but we have weekly PT working with him and we’re working with him at home as much as we can. My advice: if you have concerns reach out to early intervention! Honestly they have been a huge help and I’m so thankful we’re able to work with them. I know that at this point we’re doing all we can as parents to support him and we just continue to love him and enjoy him every day!, He’s currently in the early start program through our local regional center. In all honesty I think your son is too young for that I would wait and worry about it once a hes 1. But repetition is key!, This sounds so much like my (Autistic) son at this age. I’d keep an eye on it as at this age no professional is going to tell you for sure either way. get a referral to early intervention when you can., As the crazy mom who knew her child was autistic from 4 months old who has NEVER met your child or seen him, I'd say you're probably ok. My son (yes has ASD) didn't crawl til 11 months and even then due to the back to sleep movement many kids skip crawling immediately. My daughter has no developmental issues and didn't crawl til almost a year also. We couldn't get my son to look at a camera or smile. He was always in his own world. Along with hand flapping, he also self harmed from an early age., I took the screening questionnaire and he failed almost everything. It was a shock because he had and still has great eye contact and almost always looked when we called his name. Red flags were he didn’t point, clap or wave, gross and fine motor skills were delayed, he didn’t play with toys properly, he loved watching things spin (fans )would spin wheels on cars or would try to make toys spin that weren’t designed for spinning. He would constantly use toys that lit up and/or made noise, which I now understand is a form of stimming. His speech is severely impaired but I think that’s more because of the apraxia. My daughter is about 3 years younger and she had no delays or concerns at her 1 year physical. But as she got closer to her second birthday, we were concerned because she would sing and talk but didn’t talk to me or my wife. She received her autism diagnosis shortly after turning 3 years old. I would love to tell you to give it time and every child develops differently but I don’t delay in getting services. If you have an instinct that they are developing atypically then they probably are. Early intervention makes a difference. No matter what the evaluation reveals, the response is the same; love and support and help them to live their best life., Thanks for the advice! Much appreciated!, Kids with ASD are all different. My kiddo smiled right on time. 2 months. But he didn’t pay great attention. He’s also sensory seeking so he started moving super early through sheer willpower. He sat at 9 months but other than that he met every milestone on time except speaking. He ate solids fine until he stopped eating new foods so now he still has the diet he did when he was 1. Lol., Thank you for your reply. I agree on not waiting and seeing. we have our eval march 4. best of luck with your two wonderful children ❤️❤️, Same for my son, he smiled and laughed and babbled right on time, rolled over and walked on time, but as time went on he didn’t develop words, he didn’t point, didn’t have joint attention, would sit and play by himself and ignore other kids when he was 18 months and older. My daughter on the other hand didn’t have any obvious early red flags, she actually spoke early, smiled literally all the time at everyone, and even pointed on time. However she turned out to be autistic too. Looking back I can see there were a few odd things but she did fine on all the typical ASD checklists.

Early wisdom teeth eruption

I was wondering if anyone else has had their child develop wisdom teeth early. My asd kiddo is 11 and is going through puberty and now I saw his wisdom teeth erupting. We go to special needs pediatric dentist in a couple of weeks. I just wanted to see if anyone has shared this experience and if it was as early as his is. Thanks!

Are they definitely wisdom teeth and not 12 year molars? , Are they definitely wisdom teeth and not 12 year molars? , Are they definitely wisdom teeth and not 12 year molars? , Are they definitely wisdom teeth and not 12 year molars? 

Electrics Addiction

My 13 year old is addicted to electronics. It is bad. We tried to cut back, make some restrictions, nothing worked. Trying to go cold turkey is brutal. He is angry, moody, manipulative and lies constantly. Anyone have luck overcoming an addiction with an autistic child? Suggestions? Right now we are left with locking everything up in the safe and attempting to wait it out.

Can he work for the tech? Errands, schoolwork, exercise, chore?, Not all screens are equal. My (younger) kid is addicted to the iPad, we have had to restrict it to weekends. When taking it away takes a turn, I use the TV as the less-bad drug to lessen the blow. Most kids are still happy enough to veg out in front of a movie or TV show, and the science seems to say TV is better than small screens. (It’s not great but it didn’t ruin my generation…) Then I find that the transition from TV to non-screen activities tends to be fairly easy. Also, we enforce regular family walks around the neighborhood. The kiddos need fresh air and to have their eyes occasionally focus on things more than ten feet away., My oldest (15), we started making her rotate between electronics and hid the charging cables. She only earned it back by using coping skills. If she calmed herself down, used her words and no self-harming she could earn them back. It was rough at the start but making her rotate between her iPad, phone, and tv really helped. We also got her a Tonibox and that thing has been a godsend. She wants her music box more than the screens now. Though my girl is level 3 and has intellectual disabilities so my methods may not work for you., We have done that in the past and it had some success. But inevitably we ended back at the same place where he gets mad when the electrics have to stop and when there are any consequences that involve being grounded off electrics. Our basic goal is to be able to use the electrics without anger and without lying., We are planning to do a TV for his room so he can still watch YouTube but without the tablet screen time. Thanks, Sounds like my guy. He LOVES tablet to the point where he would have meltdowns if we took it away from him. Since he can't control his inhibitions with that tech and it was having negative effect (his meltdowns) on rest of family, we no longer use tablet for anyone. He does still have access to TV on weekends where he better controls his displeasure when we have to turn it off. It's a battle and I wish you the best., I don’t think I can get the rest of the family onboard with no tablets for anyone. Otherwise I would have a house full of angry people detoxing from electronics, Just an update- it’s not been a fun couple of weeks but it is slowly getting better. We used the parent control on the tablet so there is no cheating. It won’t do anything without my putting in a separate pin that he doesn’t know. Knowing beforehand how much time he has eliminates the arguments for a “few more minutes”. We did not erase the worse of the games so he doesn’t feel like he has lost them, he just doesn’t get to use them. With time there is less lying, fewer anger outbursts and overall better behavior. He is building with his Lego’s which is really really good for him emotionally. He is watching TV with his family and interacting more with us. His mind is not constantly focused on getting back on games. Hopefully it keeps getting better, I hear you, it's not easy., That is great to hear. Well done!

Eloping

Tell me everything I need to know.. all the tips and tricks for keeping an eloping 4 year old safe while watching other small children. Books and social stories needed also, he is hyperlexic and loves to read

Do NOT listen to the common advice "just put a latch mounted high up" for securing doors. You'll stop watching them so closely due to a false sense of security, meanwhile you get to find out the scary (or tragic) way that you underestimated their intelligence to figure out stacking objects on a chair to reach that latch and run away when you're not watching. Lockly dementia proof smart locks is the best I found. Carabiner with the screw lock to secure them in stroller if they knwo how to unclip it and flee. Still figuring out windows right this moment while renovating our new home. Leaning towards key locks. Hotels buy some 500lb 24" zip ties off amazon. Keep a pair of wire cutters with you to cut them off. Works for the ball+latch style. I'm working on a solution for the flip out door stop style. Likely a template to cut out of wood that can be strapped to it and won't spin/twist to get it off., Are you talking about at home? or like out at the park? Because we have had the conversation frequently on this forum about attempting to take multiple children out of the house by yourself when one of the kids is an eloper and.....well, typically we just don't do it unless it's an absolute need - or there is a fenced in yard with only one door on the gate or something that you can watch at all times. My son has an AirTag that we put on him when we are in public because I'm terrified of the two seconds that I'm not watching him because I'm picking out broccoli and he disappears. We're waitlisted for ABA and I will be requesting that eloping be the first order of business once we're assigned a therapist! It's exhausting and isolating. I can't go anywhere unless my husband is with me so we can tag team watching him., Do NOT listen to the common advice "just put a latch mounted high up" for securing doors. You'll stop watching them so closely due to a false sense of security, meanwhile you get to find out the scary (or tragic) way that you underestimated their intelligence to figure out stacking objects on a chair to reach that latch and run away when you're not watching. Lockly dementia proof smart locks is the best I found. Carabiner with the screw lock to secure them in stroller if they knwo how to unclip it and flee. Still figuring out windows right this moment while renovating our new home. Leaning towards key locks. Hotels buy some 500lb 24" zip ties off amazon. Keep a pair of wire cutters with you to cut them off. Works for the ball+latch style. I'm working on a solution for the flip out door stop style. Likely a template to cut out of wood that can be strapped to it and won't spin/twist to get it off., Are you talking about at home? or like out at the park? Because we have had the conversation frequently on this forum about attempting to take multiple children out of the house by yourself when one of the kids is an eloper and.....well, typically we just don't do it unless it's an absolute need - or there is a fenced in yard with only one door on the gate or something that you can watch at all times. My son has an AirTag that we put on him when we are in public because I'm terrified of the two seconds that I'm not watching him because I'm picking out broccoli and he disappears. We're waitlisted for ABA and I will be requesting that eloping be the first order of business once we're assigned a therapist! It's exhausting and isolating. I can't go anywhere unless my husband is with me so we can tag team watching him., Do NOT listen to the common advice "just put a latch mounted high up" for securing doors. You'll stop watching them so closely due to a false sense of security, meanwhile you get to find out the scary (or tragic) way that you underestimated their intelligence to figure out stacking objects on a chair to reach that latch and run away when you're not watching. Lockly dementia proof smart locks is the best I found. Carabiner with the screw lock to secure them in stroller if they knwo how to unclip it and flee. Still figuring out windows right this moment while renovating our new home. Leaning towards key locks. Hotels buy some 500lb 24" zip ties off amazon. Keep a pair of wire cutters with you to cut them off. Works for the ball+latch style. I'm working on a solution for the flip out door stop style. Likely a template to cut out of wood that can be strapped to it and won't spin/twist to get it off., Are you talking about at home? or like out at the park? Because we have had the conversation frequently on this forum about attempting to take multiple children out of the house by yourself when one of the kids is an eloper and.....well, typically we just don't do it unless it's an absolute need - or there is a fenced in yard with only one door on the gate or something that you can watch at all times. My son has an AirTag that we put on him when we are in public because I'm terrified of the two seconds that I'm not watching him because I'm picking out broccoli and he disappears. We're waitlisted for ABA and I will be requesting that eloping be the first order of business once we're assigned a therapist! It's exhausting and isolating. I can't go anywhere unless my husband is with me so we can tag team watching him., Do NOT listen to the common advice "just put a latch mounted high up" for securing doors. You'll stop watching them so closely due to a false sense of security, meanwhile you get to find out the scary (or tragic) way that you underestimated their intelligence to figure out stacking objects on a chair to reach that latch and run away when you're not watching. Lockly dementia proof smart locks is the best I found. Carabiner with the screw lock to secure them in stroller if they knwo how to unclip it and flee. Still figuring out windows right this moment while renovating our new home. Leaning towards key locks. Hotels buy some 500lb 24" zip ties off amazon. Keep a pair of wire cutters with you to cut them off. Works for the ball+latch style. I'm working on a solution for the flip out door stop style. Likely a template to cut out of wood that can be strapped to it and won't spin/twist to get it off., Are you talking about at home? or like out at the park? Because we have had the conversation frequently on this forum about attempting to take multiple children out of the house by yourself when one of the kids is an eloper and.....well, typically we just don't do it unless it's an absolute need - or there is a fenced in yard with only one door on the gate or something that you can watch at all times. My son has an AirTag that we put on him when we are in public because I'm terrified of the two seconds that I'm not watching him because I'm picking out broccoli and he disappears. We're waitlisted for ABA and I will be requesting that eloping be the first order of business once we're assigned a therapist! It's exhausting and isolating. I can't go anywhere unless my husband is with me so we can tag team watching him.

Enable or teach self discipline?

I Homeschool my very high functioning 6 year old and his brothers. We are just learning about my husbands autism diagnosis and so much feels consistent with my 6 year old too. But no formal diagnosis. When we have class time, sometimes he thrives because it’s easy for him, but when it is the least bit challenging he cries or states he won’t do it. I don’t want to enable him by letting him go off and come back later every time. But I don’t know if this is an autism thing and he needs a different approach? Come to think of it, when bike riding and a new video game were challenging recently, he did the same thing. Is it just at 6year old learning moment for perseverance?

It’s hard to say, really, but if you suspect he has ASD (you call him ‘very high functioning’), you should get him evaluated and formally diagnosed. If he is on the spectrum, therapy will help with self regulation, and without therapy, puberty will be very hard for him (and you). *Edited for grammar., [deleted], Personally I would let him have regular breaks. He’s not gonna be able to learn anyway if he’s feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Perhaps giving him some time to rest his mind and having a discussion about why he was feeling that way might result in a better outcome for you both. You can be his guide in this process by asking him questions. If you know the why then you can adjust the how accordingly., That’s a good point. I do want to look into that. I don’t even know where to begin. My husband self diagnosed and is not interested in a formal evaluation, Yeah it’s something to think about, That’s a good point. Thank you, Are you in the US?, Yes, texas, You could try your closest major hospital system; most larger children’s hospitals offer assessments. Go online and look up ‘autism services’ in your area, also.

Every time I click "join", it doesn't stick?

Am I missing a requirement to join this reddit group? I would like to be apart of this community. I'm new to the autism journey and there is still so much I do not understand. We are currently waiting on an official diagnosis for our 5yr old son. It took switching pediatricians to have our concerns regarding his delays taken seriously. His previous pediatrician blamed his delays on the pandemic since "all" kids were behind. He missed the early intervention deadline of 3yrs old for my state and is now on wait lists for his referals. The referral for behavioral therapy is where he will be diagnosed but that particular one is a 2+yr wait list. Due to his symptoms his new pediatrician is sure that he will fall on the spectrum. His sensory therapy referral also has him on a wait list but they were kind enough to recommend I enroll my son in public school to have him IEP tested. I believe our last IEP meeting before starting school is next Wednesday and then he will start the special Ed preschool program that he's been accepted in. He has some odd quirks especially with singing that makes me extremely nervous for him to be in a class setting. The IEP testers say that they are sure he has perfect pitch/absolute pitch. Which sounds like an amazing gift, but when singing or even humming along to music in person causes him to unravel, it doesn't seem much like a gift for him. We have noise canceling headphones, however he can still hear through them. It took a good month for him to be comfortable enough to wear them. We tried to get a stronger set but they turned out to be less than the desible rating claimed and he hates them and won't touch that pair. If anyone has any advice or recommendations to help him with this trigger, i would really appreciate it. Even in the special Ed classes, singing and learning are very intertwined.

Raising these kiddos can be an extra challenge, no doubt. I am not an admin of this group but I'm pretty confident the join button thing is some kind of bug or glitch. First check to see if you're signed in. If you're on desktop, try another browser or try the app. If you're in the app try clearing it out and see if that fixes the issue, or switch to desktop to see if that works., Maybe try on computer? I was able to join on my phone without a problem, I use the app on my phone. I'm definitely signed in, or at least it says I am. 😅 I don't have this issue with the AITA groups I've joined. I even have the auto welcome messege from this group. I guess it must be some sort of glitch unless I'm supposed to answer questions to join? Like a Facebook group? I'm new to reddit, so I'm not exactly sure., I don't have a computer. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to remember to check into this group whenever I online. This does appear to be a great group., Hopefully a mod will see this soon and fix it for you. There’s no test or gatekeeping to join the community. All you need is human decency and a desire to love and understand and help both parents and their children. I’m sorry you were forced to wait and miss early intervention. It drives me insane when pediatricians don’t take parental concerns seriously. Mine was dismissive too but at least sent me off with, “You can self-refer if you really want to,” and I ran with it. If she hadn’t made that comment we’d likely be in the same boat. Would having white noise or instrumental music playing in the headphones help? Or just asking that he be allowed to leave the room when singing/music is involved and getting him involved with 1:1 music lessons outside of school?, I think they will end up having to remove him when it's time to sing. He's quite bad with singing. They will let him listen to music, 😅 the noise canceling headphones we have for him aren't ones you can listen to music on. So that might be something we can work on. It took us about a month to get him to the point he would put these on. We knew he was delayed for speech but weren't aware that we should be more concerned about it. We trusted the pediatrician for awhile. But it just became more obvious that this wasn't his only quirk and he wasn't going to be able to function well in a regular class setting. Took awhile to change pediatricians. Even though I knew something was off, I didn't realise ASD was a possibility. His quirks make a lot more sense now though., If he’d be interested, individual music lessons might be helpful for him, both to get him to connect with others and to help him get small doses of non-perfect pitch in a safe and calm setting so he can get used to it and work his way up to tolerating more and more. I only suggest it because you’ll probably be able to get into music lessons more quickly than other services, and people in the arts tend to be accommodating and understanding. Honestly adding sound to the headphones could either be super helpful and drown things out, or it could be horrible for him and make things worse. It’s all trial and error. Don’t beat yourself up if something you try doesn’t end up working. No matter what he’s loved and cared for and he feels that. I’m glad you’re figuring things out now. I was on high alert for autism because my girls’ dad is autistic and I’m neurodivergent (jury’s still out if I’m actually alphabet soup or misdiagnosed autistic) and we still didn’t get into early intervention until my daughters were nearly two. We do the best we can with what we have and what we know., He has his own guitar 😅 it's perpetually out of tune because he likes the spin the tuning pegs. So he prefers to strum on daddy's guitar. His big brother has gone through a few instruments in school band classes but big brother never sticks to anything. I would love to get my little guy into a music class but he doesn't exactly follow instructions well yet. He loves humming and mimicking noises he hears like the beep of a timer or microwave or birds chirping. Occasionally he will come across a sound he doesn't like at all and he's a mess but it's mostly only singing in person. I'm dyslexic and was diagnosed at about 4 or 5yrs old myself along with a speech impediment. And then anxiety while in high-school. I function well enough that no one is the wiser now but those early elementary school yrs were hell. All of my siblings have something going on as well. It all comes from my fathers side but none of us were ever diagnosed or evaluated for autism. My father was adopted and I found his biological family. Looks like autism, dyslexia, & ADHD are all more common than not in the family. Along with Fragile X syndrome. I had my younger son tested for Fragile X and he's negative for that and the pre mutation. Actually we also have a genetic counseling appointment next week as well. 😅 alphabet soup is legit.

Excessive pointing?

Hello. I have a little one of 18 months undiagnose, but with very obvious global delay and with autism red flag. Well, my kiddo started to point (usign his whole hand open) at 15 months, he started pointing to things he wanted (which is ok), but lately he have like 2-3 weeks that his open hand pointing have turned into something obsessive, he keeps 'pointing' constantly to everything and everywhere (he points to things he wants, things he finds interesting he even use that same gesture to say hi or bye to ppl, no waving though, just that whole open hand pointing gesture that have become his main comunication estrategy) when we go outside he keeps pointing to the trees, cars, walking cat, walking dog, flying pigeon, toys at the store, food in the supermarket, to a flying airplane, to anything! He spent almost the entire day pointing (not more than 5 minutes can pass without him pointing at something) and looking at me while pointing with a desperate 'hum' sound (similar to the desperate sound that usually kids do at their parents when they're in a store and the kid wants the parent to buy them something) I'm sorry I know this is not even something serious compare to the problems most parents have here, but I'm starting to get overwhelmed and tired with this, even during my sleep time my kid wakes me up several times pointing to his crib bcs he wants to touch the crib toys and wants me to help him to get there 🥴 is this obsessive behaviour normal with asd kids? What can I do to reduce this repetitive request? (my kid is speech delayed, his only words are mama and dada *sometimes he repeats the word baby when I say it*)

[deleted], This honestly sounds like a typical toddler, especially one with a speech delay who is really trying to communicate. I have an NT 18 month old, and he points at everything and says the names of the things he knows, and then looks at me for confirmation. Are you naming the things he points to? The way he points and looks at you is showing joint attention, which is massively important! He wants to share those things with you, so you can tell him what they are.  I would find this pretty reassuring, to be honest, especially since he does have a couple words. At 18 months, my autistic daughter would ONLY point to things she wanted me to get her, never just to show me things, and she wouldn't make any sounds when she did. Has he had a speech evaluation recently? An SLP would be able to tell you where he's at -- not all speech delay is autism, and he might be ready for speech therapy, if he's not in it already., [deleted], Hi. Thanks a lot for your feedback 🙂 About my little one pointing and looking back at me making a sound (I believe he makes the sound to make sure he gets my attention) yes, I'm naming to everything he points at (even though his pointing is abnormal, he points with whole open hand instead of usign the index finger like an NT would) currently he is on antibiótics treatment bcs he have bilateral ear infection and fluid (since almost 3 months by now) so maybe his speech is delayed bcs of that or maybe bcs of his GDD. The things why my kid have autism red flags are : - he doesn't imitate any gesture at all - he doesn't know how to play correctly with toys - he doesn't look to where someone is pointing at - he have mild sensory disorder with food (with egg and milk to be more precise) - he have stimming (hand flaping/rocking body sometimes/head shaking) The things why autism can conflict with my kid are: - he is very social, with adults, kids and babies, actually he is the one always trying to comunicate with any of them. - my kid approach his peers or other kids wanting to play with them (but still not knowing how to) - respond to his name being called - looks for praised when he do something awesome - when he is enjoying some tv show he looks smiling at you sharing his enjoyment - when he finds something new or interesting he gives it to me I usually say 'Ohhh how beautiful' and he ask for it back 😂 - good eye contact By now my little one is only in OT and PT (he still doesn't fully walk without assistance, he is able to walk 8 or 10 steps by his own, but that is).

Excessive private touching. Need help!

Hello, I'm reaching out because I'm concerned about my 5-year-old son's behavior. He's nonverbal, and after 7 pm each day, he engages in excessive masturbation that lasts for hours and disrupts his sleep schedule. I've tried redirection, but it's not effective. He is so aggresive he rips through his diapers. I'm hoping you can advise on how to manage this behavior. I'm at such a loss.

Is this new? I’m wondering if he needs to be seen by a doctor (think infection, UTI etc). It sounds like discomfort., We have a similar problem with our 5 year old. He’s also nonverbal. We’ve gotten him some onesie pajamas and it definitely helps. He will still try to rub himself over his diaper/pajamas but it decreases the problem by a lot. He goes to ABA therapy during the day. He wears regular clothes during the day and it’s something they’re working with him on. Just by redirecting., Have you tried using zip-up pjs a size bigger than your child is on backwards so the zip is in the back.? We get consignment or handle down footie pjs and cut the feet off. You could also look for footless pjs. We also add stretchy shorts a size smaller under the pjs. This keeps our son’s diaper from leaking poop all over the place overnight. If he has a poop leak it is mostly contained in the stretchy shorts., Depends on what you mean by new. He's been doing it 3 months now, I have found clothing solutions the best option for these issues. We used overalls to hide this behaviour during the day. It worked perfectly when nothing else did. (He had an odd habit of needing to take it all out… ) he was stilling touching himself inside his overalls, but it wasn’t alarming others as much and eventually the behaviour faded. And in the meantime we no longer needed to fight about it., We have not but we will try, May be worth a doctor check up., When we went to his pediatrician they said, just let him do it in private. Which I get but it's disrupts his life, sleep and destroys his diapers., For sure. I always suggest ruling out anything physiological first. Now that he’s been seen by the Pediatrician, it makes it more clear that it is sensory seeking., Is this new? I’m wondering if he needs to be seen by a doctor (think infection, UTI etc). It sounds like discomfort., We have a similar problem with our 5 year old. He’s also nonverbal. We’ve gotten him some onesie pajamas and it definitely helps. He will still try to rub himself over his diaper/pajamas but it decreases the problem by a lot. He goes to ABA therapy during the day. He wears regular clothes during the day and it’s something they’re working with him on. Just by redirecting., Have you tried using zip-up pjs a size bigger than your child is on backwards so the zip is in the back.? We get consignment or handle down footie pjs and cut the feet off. You could also look for footless pjs. We also add stretchy shorts a size smaller under the pjs. This keeps our son’s diaper from leaking poop all over the place overnight. If he has a poop leak it is mostly contained in the stretchy shorts., Depends on what you mean by new. He's been doing it 3 months now, I have found clothing solutions the best option for these issues. We used overalls to hide this behaviour during the day. It worked perfectly when nothing else did. (He had an odd habit of needing to take it all out… ) he was stilling touching himself inside his overalls, but it wasn’t alarming others as much and eventually the behaviour faded. And in the meantime we no longer needed to fight about it., We have not but we will try, May be worth a doctor check up., When we went to his pediatrician they said, just let him do it in private. Which I get but it's disrupts his life, sleep and destroys his diapers., For sure. I always suggest ruling out anything physiological first. Now that he’s been seen by the Pediatrician, it makes it more clear that it is sensory seeking., Is this new? I’m wondering if he needs to be seen by a doctor (think infection, UTI etc). It sounds like discomfort., We have a similar problem with our 5 year old. He’s also nonverbal. We’ve gotten him some onesie pajamas and it definitely helps. He will still try to rub himself over his diaper/pajamas but it decreases the problem by a lot. He goes to ABA therapy during the day. He wears regular clothes during the day and it’s something they’re working with him on. Just by redirecting., Have you tried using zip-up pjs a size bigger than your child is on backwards so the zip is in the back.? We get consignment or handle down footie pjs and cut the feet off. You could also look for footless pjs. We also add stretchy shorts a size smaller under the pjs. This keeps our son’s diaper from leaking poop all over the place overnight. If he has a poop leak it is mostly contained in the stretchy shorts., Depends on what you mean by new. He's been doing it 3 months now, I have found clothing solutions the best option for these issues. We used overalls to hide this behaviour during the day. It worked perfectly when nothing else did. (He had an odd habit of needing to take it all out… ) he was stilling touching himself inside his overalls, but it wasn’t alarming others as much and eventually the behaviour faded. And in the meantime we no longer needed to fight about it., We have not but we will try, May be worth a doctor check up., When we went to his pediatrician they said, just let him do it in private. Which I get but it's disrupts his life, sleep and destroys his diapers., For sure. I always suggest ruling out anything physiological first. Now that he’s been seen by the Pediatrician, it makes it more clear that it is sensory seeking., Is this new? I’m wondering if he needs to be seen by a doctor (think infection, UTI etc). It sounds like discomfort., We have a similar problem with our 5 year old. He’s also nonverbal. We’ve gotten him some onesie pajamas and it definitely helps. He will still try to rub himself over his diaper/pajamas but it decreases the problem by a lot. He goes to ABA therapy during the day. He wears regular clothes during the day and it’s something they’re working with him on. Just by redirecting., Have you tried using zip-up pjs a size bigger than your child is on backwards so the zip is in the back.? We get consignment or handle down footie pjs and cut the feet off. You could also look for footless pjs. We also add stretchy shorts a size smaller under the pjs. This keeps our son’s diaper from leaking poop all over the place overnight. If he has a poop leak it is mostly contained in the stretchy shorts., Depends on what you mean by new. He's been doing it 3 months now, I have found clothing solutions the best option for these issues. We used overalls to hide this behaviour during the day. It worked perfectly when nothing else did. (He had an odd habit of needing to take it all out… ) he was stilling touching himself inside his overalls, but it wasn’t alarming others as much and eventually the behaviour faded. And in the meantime we no longer needed to fight about it., We have not but we will try, May be worth a doctor check up., When we went to his pediatrician they said, just let him do it in private. Which I get but it's disrupts his life, sleep and destroys his diapers., For sure. I always suggest ruling out anything physiological first. Now that he’s been seen by the Pediatrician, it makes it more clear that it is sensory seeking.

Experienced my first judgemental parent interaction today

I’m not sure if this is the type of posts people post on here, but I just need somewhere to vent. So apologies if this isn’t accepted here. I’m from the UK with a beautiful 4 year old boy. He hasn’t been diagnosed (UK NHS waiting times) but given his traits, his dads family history and the advice we’ve had from medical professionals, I’m pretty certain he is on the spectrum. Today we went to a family pub that we go to often where you can eat and there’s an indoor play area for children. My son has only recently shown interest in playing with others, but he doesn’t quite know how to do it. And on rare occasions he has hit another child, I think because his little sister does the same to him playfully and he’s mirroring her actions. He thinks he’s playing so when I see this behaviour I do my best to divert him but unfortunately I don’t have eyes in the back of my head. So in todays instance I sat down to have my meal and my son ran off to play. I couldn’t see him from all angles but I of course kept going to check what he was doing, and usually that was just playing on his own. Until a women came up to me and asked if he was my son, I said yes. And she abruptly informed me he had hit another child. I immediately apologised thinking it was her child (afterwards I realised the child wasn’t with her group ) and I explained that he’s autistic and he didn’t mean it maliciously. And she responded with a horrible tone “well your not watching him are you” so I went and found the child and apologised to his parent. This is the first time I’ve come across someone being so ignorant, so today I’m just feeling very deflated from the ordeal. I only had my eyes off him for 2 minutes, and autistic or not that’s something that can happen between young children. Ive never posted here before and I know Reddit can be a toxic place, but I just needed somewhere to vent since I don’t have anyone who really understands.

I'm also I'm England and have been to a fair few of these types of pubs for meals. You let your 4 yo run off on their own to play, and they hit another child, which has become a more typical behaviour of theirs. Autism or not, you're trying to justify why they do it. From the perspective of other parents, you've not supervised your child and, in effect, have justified his behaviour and allowed it to happen. The majority of young children can not be left unsupervised. Children with autism or, in your case, suspected autism can not be left unsupervised. Imagine the tables turned. Your child is being hit. How would you feel then if someone says they think it's a game? Whilst your child is hurt and upset. It's hard going, it truly is. My child is twice as old and though never hits others, is overbearing in their wish to play with others, so I still have to supervise. It's harsh that the other parent was so upfront in her dislike of your parenting, but also, I sometimes think that these scenarios are good to ground us. Your child needs proper supervision. I'd be saying that regardless of autism in these circumstances. Autism doesn't mean that our children are excused and can hit others, which may well be how you come across for her to have retorted so defiantly about your lack of supervision. Don't let this prevent you doing things with your child. Just take heed. Maybe reasserting when he can leave the table so that you or the father or other adult can also take turns supervising. This shouldn't all be on you. Your child needs to be explicitly told that hitting is not acceptable and you need to have boundaries in place to prevent or give consequences for this. At 4, he will be off to mainstream school with no diagnosis, so you need to equip him the best you can for this, and addressing this hitting directly will help him there. Parenting is hard. We all make mistakes along the way whilst trying to be perfect, yet are ourselves so aware of our failings and often more harsh on ourselves than others in our perceptions of our failings. This is one knock. Don't let it become something more., I don't know, maybe you explaining her that he was autistic was indeed setting oil on fire, because that seemed like using his diagnosis as a free pass for unacceptable behaviors. ( I understand you didn't want to mean it like that.) I think you shouldn't share his diagnosis when it's not neccessary because as you said it happens between young children anyway., I mean she wasn’t wrong. You have to watch your kid. Just because they are autistic doesn’t give them a pass to hit. It also doesn’t give you a pass to not watch your child. I’m not trying to be mean but the truth is our kids need to be watched more carefully. Hitting is never ok and if you know your kid is a hitter you can’t let them play with other kids without watching them. It’s exhausting. I know, my kid was a hitter. He grew out of it thankfully. But it meant he didn’t get to play without supervision till he out grew it. People are allowed to be angry when a kid is hitting other kids and isn’t being supervised. Having autism isn’t an excuse. I’m sorry if that hurts. The truth often does. Could she have been nicer, maybe. I wasn’t there. The shock of it may have made her seem meaner than she was. Please watch your kid more carefully when in public., there's no lifeguard at the play center at the pub. it's not about the hitting, it's about watching your kid., You’ll meet idiots everywhere - my only advice is to try to not let it get to you. The few times I’ve had to mention my son’s diagnosis to strangers because of atypical behavior they have actually reacted very understandingly. That said, I think you need to come to terms with the fact that you can’t leave him unsupervised if he has a history of lashing out. It’s not fair to the other kids - and you also risk someone hitting him back. Good luck!, Don't let it get to you, though. As a parent, we're all bound to get a bit of flak from others who may not truly understand what we go through raising our special kiddos. I reckon your son is a little ace just figuring out social interactions, same as other kids his age. The only difference is his way is a bit different. Sounds like the woman at the pub was rather out of order. Remember, it's not a reflection of your parenting or your lil’ boy. More often than not, I've found that ignorance stems from lack of knowledge. Maybe next time something like this happens, you could take a moment to explain autism a bit. Once folks see things from your perspective, they tend to be less judgemental., here's what worked for me: try to get your son into a play group with older boys that can "put him in his place" watch him like a hawk. When he starts hitting, the older boys will be less emotional over it and likely yell at him to stop or have a reaction that might cause your child to rethink his actions. When the inevitable occurs you take him aside and say no hit and explain to his level of understanding. autism or no, boys operate on pecking order. it's human nature. a child male or female who thinks he can assert dominance with violence will continue to do so, you have to nip it in the bud immediately. it's not gentle parenting but the play ground isn't gentle and neither is life, Some people just thrive on judging others and think that they’re doing the world a service by comments like that. Truth is, she doesn’t know your world. We were in Specsavers yesterday as our 4yo needed new glasses - you can imagine the mission of getting him to sit and try on pair after pair… He was getting fed up and being loud/wriggling about and this lady kept giving us bad looks… I was honestly ready to say something if she uttered a word, but luckily she didn’t. I’m learning that there’s some folks that just ‘get it’ and can see what we’re doing as parents to our ND kids, and there’s others that just don’t want to acknowledge it and fine, that’s on them., I think In the future I won’t be going there on a Sunday. Usually when we go it’s relatively quiet and I can somewhat trust him and have a table nearer to keep an eye but this time it was heaving with it being a carvery place and Sunday. Lesson learnt there. And with the women I didn’t try justify I just kept it short. My exact words were (I assumed here that she was the parent) “aw I’m so sorry he’s autistic” I of course can sympathise from the other end. If another child was hitting mine or even anyone else’s I would be upset too. It was the blatant arrogance even after I told her of his condition that struck me, Yeah your right. I’m unfortunately the type of person that’s kind to everyone, and if I have an opinion I keep it to myself. So when someone isn’t the same towards me I think it shocks me a little lol, I took my eyes off him for 2 minutes, have you never done that before? And like I said in previous comments, that I understand her concerns but there was no need for the continuous aggression. And it’s super rare he hits it’s not a regular thing. My neurotypical 2 year old does it way more, It happened a few months ago in a playground actually but my husband was with me that time, and the guy was super understanding which is the behaviour I’d expect when your told about a child’s condition. That time my son just wanted to get on a rocking horse. I think in the future I’ll avoid going to that particular place on a Sunday as it was super busy and loud so hard to keep track of him and I couldn’t get a table directly next to the play area which would’ve been ideal., Thank you, I needed to hear this! I didn’t even really give her a response, adrenaline from anger kicked in and I just walked off and went to find the child he hurt to make sure they was alright. I feel like if my husband was with me who’s quite a big guy she wouldn’t of dared. If her tone wasn’t as awful I would’ve been kinder for sure. I feel like this isn’t the first time I’m going to experience this, That’s a great idea. Do you mean a play group with other SEN children? I’ve been trying to find those and I’m struggling, Just reading that and imaging what it would be like to take my son to specsavers fills me with stress! Your a great mum! Things that seem the norm to others isn’t so much to us. But yeah, it shocked me. I understand piping up if you see a child hitting another, but the fact that she was still rude after I told her he’s autistic really set me back. I didn’t even respond to her, adrenaline kicked in and I just walked off to find the child he’d hit. Hopefully she was offended from me walking off, haha, A condition changes nothing if that child is hitting other children. The outcome is the same, a child is being hurt. Autism doesn't make the hurt less. Please don't get into the mindset that the world is going to afford you favours due to a diagnosis they're not., You just called the commenter above a "sad fuck." How is that kind to everyone and keeping your opinion to yourself?, No. I didn’t do that. Because I knew he could hit a kid. Like i said I know it’s hard. It is. I’ve been through it. But you just can’t let your eyes off of them once you know they can and will hit other kids. Her aggression seems to be well warranted as you don’t seem to understand that you have to watch your kid cause they can and do hit and you know they do and don’t seem to care, just because he is autistic. I’m sorry you are going through this. I think we all have. But we all had to learn that we can’t take our eyes off our kids even for a second. And that’s hard. Again I know it’s hard and I’m not trying to be mean. But we all have to change our parenting styles and realize we can’t treat our kids like they are NT kids. And that means sometimes never taking your eyes off of them. Ask the parents here how many of us just can’t take our eyes off our kids even at home. And even for just a second. I’m sorry this is how you had to learn this lesson though. Also please make sure your two year old isn’t hitting people either., So you think that a parent shouldn't raise an issue of your child hitting if your husband is present as he would intimidate her? Please re-read this and think what you wish to teach your child. Is that really acceptable if your child has done wrong? It's so much harder to explain things and notbhave things lost kn translation with our children. Think this through. You're basically behave as you wish when big daddy will prevent others from reprimanding then and the behaviours he exhibits will then quite possibly escalate. Fancy having a teen that hits?, these kind of experiences, as much as they suck, they're a part of life. the important thing is to know you're doing your best, and you handled the situation maturely by focusing on the kid who got hurt. Even if you didn’t respond, walking away and taking care of the situation = a pretty solid response in my book. As for your husband, yea you’re probably right, some people do behave differently when faced with a so-called "big guy". But remember, kindness isn't about how others behave, but how you chosse to react. keep doing you, friend, and remember, you're an awesome parent. no judgement from a stranger can change that., honestly, it's up to you. Neurotypical kids is fine in my opinion. If you're child functions well enough to be starting to play with other kids- he's probably fine to play with anyone.I just suggest older kids because they have a better grasp on how to interact with each other and play with each other, He honestly did so well, too. Like, even a typical 4yo would struggle with it, but he did his best! I’m Dad, but thank you 😂 Honestly, that’s the best thing you can do. Just leave them to it!, Your making this out to be bigger than what it is. He’s 4. He can’t hit hard. Autistic or not kids hurt each other. I took my eyes off him for 2 minutes. Does my child’s condition now mean that I can never sit down to have a meal and I have to spend the rest of his youth staring at him. Because 99% of the time he doesn’t show those behaviours. And when he does, I intervene. If I haven’t seen it then I can’t. My fault for not seeing it, but people make mistakes, I meant in person I’m always kind., So you’ve never looked down at your phone, eaten your food, looked at someone else talking to you and I could go on. In other situations I’m normally watching him all the time, but in the place where this instance happened we’ve been to hundreds of times and he’s never shown that type of behaviour there. Please don’t imply I’m a bad parent and then say ‘I’m sorry your going through this’, Jesus Christ please get a life. So when someone’s nasty I should just bend over and take it. People like you are what’s wrong with Reddit. Maybe go keep an eye on your child instead of writing all these huge messages here to try belittle a stranger on the internet, Sorry! *parent, If your child hurts other children, then yes, they need supervision 100% of the time. My 2yo manages to hurt me unintentionally all the time and she's pretty small for her age. Thankfully it's not in ways that will show up in soft play. I would be furious if a 4yo hit her, especially if it was a behaviour they've shown before. The same way I would be furious if mine went for a younger toddler. What if your 4yo hit an 18 month old? The size difference could end up with them being seriously injured. It's not acceptable for kids to hurt others. Obviously it does happen but that doesn't mean it's ok. If your child can't play nicely, the consequences mean he can't be trusted to play unless you're free to supervise. Also, if you didn't see it happen, you can't know it wasn't malicious., You're trying to belittle what this was. You let your child choose to leave the table and go to a play area, knowing be has a history of hitting 'for fun'. Something you should have addressed long ago. And as I said before, needs addressing immediately before school. You're trying to make out that it's acceptable. And then justifying by how hard can your 4 yo hit! Really? Come on reality check. 4 you can and do cause signficant issues, especially for younger children. When teaching, I have seen 4yos shove seriously to cause exrensive bruising and even stitches. And of course, it's only luck I've never seen such incidents lead to broken bones! Please stop underplaying and giving your child 'excuses'. It's never acceptable for any child to hit another child. Full stop. Regardless of a 1000 diagnoses or in your example, presumed diagnosis. And yes, given your child hits and can not be trusted, yes, you either supervise 247 when in places like this, or your child shouldn't be going in alone. You're the parent and it's your role to parent along with the second parent who hasn't been mentioned. Like I said, I've twice the years if autisk parenting on your child and I have to supervise still, albeit for different reasons, and I'm a lone parent, so it all fals on me! Like I said, take this as learning point. And do him some favours and try addressing this before school starts in a week or 2. You don't want him the ostracised child because of hitting as my experience is that the children the others view as 'mean' sticks, even at 4! And that's before you add in usual autistic traits that can make them stand out., No. I couldn’t. And I knew that. Unless it was just him and his sister playing. And things still happened. It took a good year of correcting the behavior to be able to trust him and even then it was probably another year before I let my guard down. And i didn’t mean to imply you’re a bad parent. What i meant with that was I’m sorry you have to learn the same lesson most of us have and that’s that we can’t take our eye off our kid for a second. If that’s implying your a bad parent I guess im calling us all bad parents who have been in this situation. Which wasn’t my intention at all. It was me trying to show some sympathy because I have been there and done that. I think you may have taken the lady at the pub way more harsh then she was simply by your interactions on this board when people agreed that you have to watch your kid better., The other parent wasn't nasty nor as you suggest in the op, ignorant. You're ignoring your child's hitting other children. Having someone state that isn't belittling you. Isn't what's wrong with Reddit. In fact, there needs to be more addressing of those who want a get out of jail card for free for their children and parenting, when it impacts others., [removed], I’m sorry was you there? You didn’t hear her tone so please don’t assume. And there’s only a couple of you being condescending. If you read the rest of them people are saying that they just don’t understand which is true because before I had my son I had no idea what autism was before either, and would probably assume he was a naughty child myself. And that was kind of what I needed to hear, not to be told from strangers on the internet who love to dissect a Reddit post to fit a narrative, which sadly I see on practically on every sub, Can you explain how I’m ignoring my child hitting another? You wasn’t there. I immediately apologised the parent (not the women I was talking about in the post) and tried to make my son understand what he’d done wrong. Please stop assuming because it’s getting ridiculous now, Oh my days. Toxic eh! Wow. What do you call parenting that doesn't actually involve supporting our children to improve, parenting and acknowledging our own failings? Honestly, stop being one of those parents. It makes parenting harder for other parents, full stop and really makes it even more difficult for those of us with autistic children and have people using this diagnosis as an excuse for violence against other children. As parents of children with autism we already suffer discrimination and judgement. This attitude does us no favours!, Yeah everyone else is just trying to tell you what you want to hear. Me and the commenter are trying to tell you what you need to hear. Watch your kid and this won’t happen., were*, Weren’t*, Toxic because you’re one of many on this app that love to dissect a Reddit post, make lots of assumptions and imply lots of things. You act like you know me or how my son is from a small Reddit post. Please get a life and reflect on how you talk to people, Apologies I took my eyes off him for a minute. I must be a terrible parent mustn’t I. It doesn’t matter that he usually doesn’t show that behaviour does it. Does that make you feel better?, Maybe learn how to take criticism when you are in the wrong., I never once said you were a bad parent that’s you maki by assumptions. What I did say was you need to watch your kid more carefully as many of us here have learned after making the same mistake., Maybe you should stop writing paragraphs to a stranger on the internet and go watch your child?, They are in school right now. Kinda hard to do that., Please find a hobby, I have a couple thanks., Go enjoy them, I am thank you. Maybe take your own advice as well?, Really have to get the last word in don’t you, Maybe next time you want to give someone constructive criticism, think about how you deliver it or don’t deliver it at all, I thought very hard on how I delivered it. And decided not to sugar coat it. Because that wouldn’t be beneficial to you. I’m sorry the truth hurts, but that lady had every right to be mad. Your child hit another child because you weren’t watching them., I can’t be bothered going through this again with you, next time don’t make a load of assumptions, Im not. You said yourself you weren’t watching him and the lady got mad. I said because of your response here, the lady probably wasn’t as bad as you’re making her out to be. That’s one assumption based off of your behavior when you’re criticised. Not a load of them. I was trying to help you understand that a lot of us have been there but we learned we have to watch our kids a lot closer than we thought. You’re the one making assumptions as well, thinking I’m calling you a bad parent. All I’m doing is offering the advice that unfortunately we have to watch kids carefully. Maybe not letting your daughter hit other kids including your son (which you said he learned from her.) and one last piece of advice. Don’t get mad at people for getting mad that your kid is hitting other kids. Autism isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. Have a great day., Yet again, another load of assumptions. I could sit here and explain how your assumptions are wrong, but unfortunately I can’t be bothered. Have a good life, Yet you keep replying! And only one assumption was ever made. And that is that the lady probably wasn’t as bad as you are making her out to be. Everything else you said., You just made a whole list of assumptions. Do you need help, I made one assumption. Everything else you said.

Extended school year (summer school) advice

Our 6 yo daughter has qualified for summer school through our public school system. Background: not yet diagnosed but we are going through the (excruciatingly slow) process to get a private neuropsych evaluation and acknowledgement from the school for an IEP or 504. Daughter has had increasingly frequent periods of dysregulation at school that have led to her falling behind academically, hence the qualification for additional educational support. Where I need advice: I'm hesitant to send her into another educational environment (it is at a nearby school but not her regular one) that could just result in more of the same struggles and no or very little academic progress. An alternative would be regular county run summer camps, which have been amazing in their support system (they provide a special education trained staff who work with you to create a "participant modification plan" and basically keep an eye on your kid and are there to handle the dysregulation). I've often thought why I can't get this kind of support in the regular classroom (but I digress). I could supplement the camps with private tutoring, and she responds better to 1:1 learning than classroom. I'll work on finding out more about what kind of support I could put in place in summer school if we can get a 504 by the end of the year... But that's coming up sooner than the school system likes to move. This process feels like pushing a boulder uphill, I'm sure a familiar experience for many in this group. I'm leaning toward the camps+tutoring approach but open to reasons why summer school would be better. This would be summer between kindergarten and first grade.

We’ve been through 2 summers of ESY and just confirmed we’ll be doing another this year. It’s been great for us, in keeping up with the routines of school without the long summer break. Our son typically enjoys school, so we’re not the perfect comparison, but from our experience it’s a smaller class size, which is nice because there’s more 1:1 attention given. Another thing to consider (and I’m sure this varies district to district) is that it’s what I’d call “part time” - usually only 2 days a week and no more than 3-4 hours. If you’re looking for something that’s going to take up more other week, the camps could be a better fit. Happy to answer any questions you might have., Thank you for sharing your experience. May I ask if you have an IEP or similar in place? And do the supports (if any) extend to the summer? I would like to do ESY if we can find an equilibrium at school and have a good plan to deal with triggers in the ESY program., We have an IEP (5 years old, this is his third year of Pre-K thanks to a late birthday). His services do continue into ESY although it’s less time each week due to the abbreviated schedule. He’s also had the same teacher each summer that he had during the previous school year, so he’s been with someone who knows him well by that point - but I’m pretty sure the ESY teacher is on a rotation and it’s just been luck on our part., Thanks. This confirms I really need to find out more about ESY...The level of information online is not great., I didn’t even know it existed until they told us we were eligible, and I know many on here haven’t heard of it either. Definitely see if there’s someone at the school that can give you more info about your district specifically. Good luck!, We’ve been through 2 summers of ESY and just confirmed we’ll be doing another this year. It’s been great for us, in keeping up with the routines of school without the long summer break. Our son typically enjoys school, so we’re not the perfect comparison, but from our experience it’s a smaller class size, which is nice because there’s more 1:1 attention given. Another thing to consider (and I’m sure this varies district to district) is that it’s what I’d call “part time” - usually only 2 days a week and no more than 3-4 hours. If you’re looking for something that’s going to take up more other week, the camps could be a better fit. Happy to answer any questions you might have., Thank you for sharing your experience. May I ask if you have an IEP or similar in place? And do the supports (if any) extend to the summer? I would like to do ESY if we can find an equilibrium at school and have a good plan to deal with triggers in the ESY program., We have an IEP (5 years old, this is his third year of Pre-K thanks to a late birthday). His services do continue into ESY although it’s less time each week due to the abbreviated schedule. He’s also had the same teacher each summer that he had during the previous school year, so he’s been with someone who knows him well by that point - but I’m pretty sure the ESY teacher is on a rotation and it’s just been luck on our part., Thanks. This confirms I really need to find out more about ESY...The level of information online is not great., I didn’t even know it existed until they told us we were eligible, and I know many on here haven’t heard of it either. Definitely see if there’s someone at the school that can give you more info about your district specifically. Good luck!, We’ve been through 2 summers of ESY and just confirmed we’ll be doing another this year. It’s been great for us, in keeping up with the routines of school without the long summer break. Our son typically enjoys school, so we’re not the perfect comparison, but from our experience it’s a smaller class size, which is nice because there’s more 1:1 attention given. Another thing to consider (and I’m sure this varies district to district) is that it’s what I’d call “part time” - usually only 2 days a week and no more than 3-4 hours. If you’re looking for something that’s going to take up more other week, the camps could be a better fit. Happy to answer any questions you might have., Thank you for sharing your experience. May I ask if you have an IEP or similar in place? And do the supports (if any) extend to the summer? I would like to do ESY if we can find an equilibrium at school and have a good plan to deal with triggers in the ESY program., We have an IEP (5 years old, this is his third year of Pre-K thanks to a late birthday). His services do continue into ESY although it’s less time each week due to the abbreviated schedule. He’s also had the same teacher each summer that he had during the previous school year, so he’s been with someone who knows him well by that point - but I’m pretty sure the ESY teacher is on a rotation and it’s just been luck on our part., Thanks. This confirms I really need to find out more about ESY...The level of information online is not great., I didn’t even know it existed until they told us we were eligible, and I know many on here haven’t heard of it either. Definitely see if there’s someone at the school that can give you more info about your district specifically. Good luck!, We’ve been through 2 summers of ESY and just confirmed we’ll be doing another this year. It’s been great for us, in keeping up with the routines of school without the long summer break. Our son typically enjoys school, so we’re not the perfect comparison, but from our experience it’s a smaller class size, which is nice because there’s more 1:1 attention given. Another thing to consider (and I’m sure this varies district to district) is that it’s what I’d call “part time” - usually only 2 days a week and no more than 3-4 hours. If you’re looking for something that’s going to take up more other week, the camps could be a better fit. Happy to answer any questions you might have., Thank you for sharing your experience. May I ask if you have an IEP or similar in place? And do the supports (if any) extend to the summer? I would like to do ESY if we can find an equilibrium at school and have a good plan to deal with triggers in the ESY program., We have an IEP (5 years old, this is his third year of Pre-K thanks to a late birthday). His services do continue into ESY although it’s less time each week due to the abbreviated schedule. He’s also had the same teacher each summer that he had during the previous school year, so he’s been with someone who knows him well by that point - but I’m pretty sure the ESY teacher is on a rotation and it’s just been luck on our part., Thanks. This confirms I really need to find out more about ESY...The level of information online is not great., I didn’t even know it existed until they told us we were eligible, and I know many on here haven’t heard of it either. Definitely see if there’s someone at the school that can give you more info about your district specifically. Good luck!

External motivation

Our 6yo daughter was diagnosed with ASD last year. We suspect a PDA profile. We've had our battles, but the big one at the moment is regarding motivation to go to school. The change from Year R to Year 1 (England) was huge, and she was refusing to go in at least 1 day a week. Finally we took her films away and said she could get 1 back for every week she got to school on time. She had a massive meltdown about it of course, but then things settled down and her attendance improved. We suspect something has happened this last week at school, but she doesn't talk about school with us. She is demanding that we abandon the rule (hello, PDA!) that we give all her films back and that we don't take a film away if she doesn't go to school. We've emailed the school to see if they know what's happened. What the frickety frack should we do? If we don't give her her films today, it's a meltdown. If we do give her her films back and she refuses school on Monday, we take the films away again and, you guessed it, it's a meltdown. Help?

This kind of system just doesn't work with PDA. They will just see dangling the reward as manipulation and push back even harder. I think school will have to be heavily modified against its own philosophy and power dynamics in terms of her accommodations, and I can pretty much guarantee you that will be much easier said than done., Can you reframe it as, we want you to earn and keep your films and to do that you have to go to school. What can we do to help you go to school so you can keep your films?, How is her behavior in school?, Thanks for replying. Her answer will be " you can help me by GIVING ME ALL MY FILMS BACK.", Her teacher gave a glowing report. I do suspect something has happened on the last week to set this off, though., I mean, mine would scream his head off at me too tbh. Does she harm herself or you during the meltdowns? Is there a way to keep her physically safe during it? If there is you probably just have to put in some noise cancelling headphones and let her. , My son (11) hates school. To the point where he will go on really long tangents about how he'd rather be dead than go to school! We've had to physically carry him to the bus stop quite a few times. I'm lucky that my husband retired when this got really bad so he was able to carry him, otherwise I don't know what I'd do 'cause he's as big as me. Like your daughter, we suspect PDA for our son, too. But as an adult, it seems like such an easy, needed thing for a kid to do. Just go to school! Go see your friends, do the work (for my son, at least, he KNOWS all the work) just do what you're told and come home. But I've been really trying to think of it from a different perspective. School must be Hell for my kid. 7.5 hours of being told what to do from every adult. One teacher lets students draw if it's quiet, one teacher says no; one teacher never yells, one won't stop. Teacher's saying hurry up but the next teacher says stop rushing. Teacher says "don't be afraid to ask for help" then says "you know it, just do it yourself". That's not even mentioning the social aspect of being ASD. Add in students with more challenging behaviors- non-stop talking, throwing chairs, screaming. I could go on and on about how horrible school is, lol... But, anyways, my son has also always had great behavior in school. Teacher's are shocked when we tell them how he acts at home, the things he says about school. Yeah, he has the typical ADHD focus issues, sometimes withdraws socially but glowing reports otherwise. It's taken us this long to really start advocating and pushing for changes. Just because he has great behavior doesn't mean he's not struggling. My son internalizes everything and then breaks down at home. We can find out weeks later that his horrible day was because a kid asked him to hurry up... or that a teacher told another student to get to work. The tiniest thing that's like... seriously?! I've found we've gotten more success by telling the teachers what we want to happen instead of asking what we can change. For example, my son now has a daily rating chart that he fills out prior to coming home. Each class is given a rating from 1-6, which has been incredibly helpful for us. Oh, lunch got a really bad rating today, I'm sorry, do you know what happened... A student was picking on his friend. Oh, science got a horrible number, it seems like it was really not fun... they doubled the classes together and it was too loud. Prior to the rating we just would have heard "School is horrible, I'd rather be dead, I hate everything!!!" This is allowing us to see patterns so we can better pinpoint what's happening. He's also being given extended time between classes- he likes to walk the long way to avoid crowds. Teachers are allowing him to take a lap around school if he seems worked up or not paying attention. Just tiny little things that he can do/change but don't impact an entire class. We are really focusing on advocating for himself. "This class is really loud, I need a break" or "I don't understand this work". For us, there is no alternative to in-person schooling. He's very open and honest with us that he won't do virtual school, he won't listen to us for homeschool. We considered private schools but right now, he doesn't want to leave the 2 friends he actually has. And honesty, he's grown up with this group of kids. They understand his quirks and he's not being bullied which, to me, means a lot. All that aside, I think you could possibly come up with a better solution to this school thing. Have you had a sit down talk with her about school? In a manner like "The Explosive Child?" I think it's that book. Basically, you write the problem. "Doesn't want to go to school"... have her list all of the reasons, no matter how insignificant they seem. Then, write possible solutions, again, no matter how insignificant they seem or even if you know, 100% it won't work. Then, go thru each solution. "Just not go to school isn't possible, the law says you have to attend school." I always tell my son he's welcome to finish school, become a representative and change the laws. But are there any solutions you could look into? Maybe lunch is horrible because she has no one to sit with. Maybe she hates reading but she thinks everyone is better at it than her. For us, it didn't really help because we were met with "I'd just rather be dead. I want to not go". But, I felt like including him in the conversation, letting him see that I empathized with his feelings helped. But maybe your daughter will surprise you. I would reconsider the 1 film for each week thing. It may feel really unattainable to your daughter, much like "What's the point, I'll never do it so I'll just stop trying." My son needs immediate rewards and consequences, there's not much thought into the future. The most I try to do is for the day. So, that he can see tomorrow as a new start. But, I also try to do more rewards than consequences, just because there's really not much I can take away from my son. Phone, he doesn't care. Video games, he hates them. No dinner? He wouldn't eat it anyway, lol. For my son, he actually quickly learned that NOT going to school was not an option. He was going. Whether in his PJ's, dressed, with breakfast or without, crying with snot on his face... he was going. Again, this was only possible because my husband could carry him AND his meltdowns stop once in the presence of other people. Did this mean he wouldn't complain and whine and cry 24/7? Nope. For your daughter, maybe you could try 1 day at a time. She went to school, great, she can watch whatever film she wants. (I'm assuming you mean movie?) If she doesn't go to school, no film. No TV, no playroom, no fun. THAT'S much harder done than said, I fully admit! It sounds like your daughter has learned that she can out last you. (My son has learned the same, I'm not judging!) She knows you will give in. We have started reading an autism book with my son and at one point it says something like "Some kids with ASD fight others when asked to do something they don't want because they know people will leave them alone" .... something like that... but my son looked dead at me at said, "It's like they're writing about me!" I don't think he realized how impactful that was. Way to let me know you are perfectly capable of cleaning the playroom but you just don't want to! It's only very recently that I have realized how I have let my son's diagnosis dictate things. "Oh, he can't brush his teeth tonight, he's having a meltdown!" "Husband, just leave him be, he's obviously upset" etc. My son has learned that if he throws a fit, I will feel bad, I'll feel like he CAN'T do something and then leave him alone. I don't want to say he's manipulating me because he's not, he's just doing what has worked. I know this has been a really long post, sorry. If I can help/speak more on something just let me know., Not physical harm but the emotional damage is real. And her endurance surpasses my tolerance. I'm looking at noise cancelling headphones., It's really really hard to sit through. At least for my kid, standing our ground did help. The framing of, we expect these things from you as part of the household (going to school, doing homework, cleaning up after yourself, etc) and if that's hard, we'll help you but if you can't find a way to do them it's impossible to have screens DID eventually work. But there were tantrums about it, name calling, negotiations, claiming he didn't care anyway, really angry insults, etc. The fact you've gotten traction with this method before is worth considering., This kind of system just doesn't work with PDA. They will just see dangling the reward as manipulation and push back even harder. I think school will have to be heavily modified against its own philosophy and power dynamics in terms of her accommodations, and I can pretty much guarantee you that will be much easier said than done., Can you reframe it as, we want you to earn and keep your films and to do that you have to go to school. What can we do to help you go to school so you can keep your films?, How is her behavior in school?, Thanks for replying. Her answer will be " you can help me by GIVING ME ALL MY FILMS BACK.", Her teacher gave a glowing report. I do suspect something has happened on the last week to set this off, though., I mean, mine would scream his head off at me too tbh. Does she harm herself or you during the meltdowns? Is there a way to keep her physically safe during it? If there is you probably just have to put in some noise cancelling headphones and let her. , My son (11) hates school. To the point where he will go on really long tangents about how he'd rather be dead than go to school! We've had to physically carry him to the bus stop quite a few times. I'm lucky that my husband retired when this got really bad so he was able to carry him, otherwise I don't know what I'd do 'cause he's as big as me. Like your daughter, we suspect PDA for our son, too. But as an adult, it seems like such an easy, needed thing for a kid to do. Just go to school! Go see your friends, do the work (for my son, at least, he KNOWS all the work) just do what you're told and come home. But I've been really trying to think of it from a different perspective. School must be Hell for my kid. 7.5 hours of being told what to do from every adult. One teacher lets students draw if it's quiet, one teacher says no; one teacher never yells, one won't stop. Teacher's saying hurry up but the next teacher says stop rushing. Teacher says "don't be afraid to ask for help" then says "you know it, just do it yourself". That's not even mentioning the social aspect of being ASD. Add in students with more challenging behaviors- non-stop talking, throwing chairs, screaming. I could go on and on about how horrible school is, lol... But, anyways, my son has also always had great behavior in school. Teacher's are shocked when we tell them how he acts at home, the things he says about school. Yeah, he has the typical ADHD focus issues, sometimes withdraws socially but glowing reports otherwise. It's taken us this long to really start advocating and pushing for changes. Just because he has great behavior doesn't mean he's not struggling. My son internalizes everything and then breaks down at home. We can find out weeks later that his horrible day was because a kid asked him to hurry up... or that a teacher told another student to get to work. The tiniest thing that's like... seriously?! I've found we've gotten more success by telling the teachers what we want to happen instead of asking what we can change. For example, my son now has a daily rating chart that he fills out prior to coming home. Each class is given a rating from 1-6, which has been incredibly helpful for us. Oh, lunch got a really bad rating today, I'm sorry, do you know what happened... A student was picking on his friend. Oh, science got a horrible number, it seems like it was really not fun... they doubled the classes together and it was too loud. Prior to the rating we just would have heard "School is horrible, I'd rather be dead, I hate everything!!!" This is allowing us to see patterns so we can better pinpoint what's happening. He's also being given extended time between classes- he likes to walk the long way to avoid crowds. Teachers are allowing him to take a lap around school if he seems worked up or not paying attention. Just tiny little things that he can do/change but don't impact an entire class. We are really focusing on advocating for himself. "This class is really loud, I need a break" or "I don't understand this work". For us, there is no alternative to in-person schooling. He's very open and honest with us that he won't do virtual school, he won't listen to us for homeschool. We considered private schools but right now, he doesn't want to leave the 2 friends he actually has. And honesty, he's grown up with this group of kids. They understand his quirks and he's not being bullied which, to me, means a lot. All that aside, I think you could possibly come up with a better solution to this school thing. Have you had a sit down talk with her about school? In a manner like "The Explosive Child?" I think it's that book. Basically, you write the problem. "Doesn't want to go to school"... have her list all of the reasons, no matter how insignificant they seem. Then, write possible solutions, again, no matter how insignificant they seem or even if you know, 100% it won't work. Then, go thru each solution. "Just not go to school isn't possible, the law says you have to attend school." I always tell my son he's welcome to finish school, become a representative and change the laws. But are there any solutions you could look into? Maybe lunch is horrible because she has no one to sit with. Maybe she hates reading but she thinks everyone is better at it than her. For us, it didn't really help because we were met with "I'd just rather be dead. I want to not go". But, I felt like including him in the conversation, letting him see that I empathized with his feelings helped. But maybe your daughter will surprise you. I would reconsider the 1 film for each week thing. It may feel really unattainable to your daughter, much like "What's the point, I'll never do it so I'll just stop trying." My son needs immediate rewards and consequences, there's not much thought into the future. The most I try to do is for the day. So, that he can see tomorrow as a new start. But, I also try to do more rewards than consequences, just because there's really not much I can take away from my son. Phone, he doesn't care. Video games, he hates them. No dinner? He wouldn't eat it anyway, lol. For my son, he actually quickly learned that NOT going to school was not an option. He was going. Whether in his PJ's, dressed, with breakfast or without, crying with snot on his face... he was going. Again, this was only possible because my husband could carry him AND his meltdowns stop once in the presence of other people. Did this mean he wouldn't complain and whine and cry 24/7? Nope. For your daughter, maybe you could try 1 day at a time. She went to school, great, she can watch whatever film she wants. (I'm assuming you mean movie?) If she doesn't go to school, no film. No TV, no playroom, no fun. THAT'S much harder done than said, I fully admit! It sounds like your daughter has learned that she can out last you. (My son has learned the same, I'm not judging!) She knows you will give in. We have started reading an autism book with my son and at one point it says something like "Some kids with ASD fight others when asked to do something they don't want because they know people will leave them alone" .... something like that... but my son looked dead at me at said, "It's like they're writing about me!" I don't think he realized how impactful that was. Way to let me know you are perfectly capable of cleaning the playroom but you just don't want to! It's only very recently that I have realized how I have let my son's diagnosis dictate things. "Oh, he can't brush his teeth tonight, he's having a meltdown!" "Husband, just leave him be, he's obviously upset" etc. My son has learned that if he throws a fit, I will feel bad, I'll feel like he CAN'T do something and then leave him alone. I don't want to say he's manipulating me because he's not, he's just doing what has worked. I know this has been a really long post, sorry. If I can help/speak more on something just let me know., Not physical harm but the emotional damage is real. And her endurance surpasses my tolerance. I'm looking at noise cancelling headphones., It's really really hard to sit through. At least for my kid, standing our ground did help. The framing of, we expect these things from you as part of the household (going to school, doing homework, cleaning up after yourself, etc) and if that's hard, we'll help you but if you can't find a way to do them it's impossible to have screens DID eventually work. But there were tantrums about it, name calling, negotiations, claiming he didn't care anyway, really angry insults, etc. The fact you've gotten traction with this method before is worth considering., This kind of system just doesn't work with PDA. They will just see dangling the reward as manipulation and push back even harder. I think school will have to be heavily modified against its own philosophy and power dynamics in terms of her accommodations, and I can pretty much guarantee you that will be much easier said than done., Can you reframe it as, we want you to earn and keep your films and to do that you have to go to school. What can we do to help you go to school so you can keep your films?, How is her behavior in school?, Thanks for replying. Her answer will be " you can help me by GIVING ME ALL MY FILMS BACK.", Her teacher gave a glowing report. I do suspect something has happened on the last week to set this off, though., I mean, mine would scream his head off at me too tbh. Does she harm herself or you during the meltdowns? Is there a way to keep her physically safe during it? If there is you probably just have to put in some noise cancelling headphones and let her. , My son (11) hates school. To the point where he will go on really long tangents about how he'd rather be dead than go to school! We've had to physically carry him to the bus stop quite a few times. I'm lucky that my husband retired when this got really bad so he was able to carry him, otherwise I don't know what I'd do 'cause he's as big as me. Like your daughter, we suspect PDA for our son, too. But as an adult, it seems like such an easy, needed thing for a kid to do. Just go to school! Go see your friends, do the work (for my son, at least, he KNOWS all the work) just do what you're told and come home. But I've been really trying to think of it from a different perspective. School must be Hell for my kid. 7.5 hours of being told what to do from every adult. One teacher lets students draw if it's quiet, one teacher says no; one teacher never yells, one won't stop. Teacher's saying hurry up but the next teacher says stop rushing. Teacher says "don't be afraid to ask for help" then says "you know it, just do it yourself". That's not even mentioning the social aspect of being ASD. Add in students with more challenging behaviors- non-stop talking, throwing chairs, screaming. I could go on and on about how horrible school is, lol... But, anyways, my son has also always had great behavior in school. Teacher's are shocked when we tell them how he acts at home, the things he says about school. Yeah, he has the typical ADHD focus issues, sometimes withdraws socially but glowing reports otherwise. It's taken us this long to really start advocating and pushing for changes. Just because he has great behavior doesn't mean he's not struggling. My son internalizes everything and then breaks down at home. We can find out weeks later that his horrible day was because a kid asked him to hurry up... or that a teacher told another student to get to work. The tiniest thing that's like... seriously?! I've found we've gotten more success by telling the teachers what we want to happen instead of asking what we can change. For example, my son now has a daily rating chart that he fills out prior to coming home. Each class is given a rating from 1-6, which has been incredibly helpful for us. Oh, lunch got a really bad rating today, I'm sorry, do you know what happened... A student was picking on his friend. Oh, science got a horrible number, it seems like it was really not fun... they doubled the classes together and it was too loud. Prior to the rating we just would have heard "School is horrible, I'd rather be dead, I hate everything!!!" This is allowing us to see patterns so we can better pinpoint what's happening. He's also being given extended time between classes- he likes to walk the long way to avoid crowds. Teachers are allowing him to take a lap around school if he seems worked up or not paying attention. Just tiny little things that he can do/change but don't impact an entire class. We are really focusing on advocating for himself. "This class is really loud, I need a break" or "I don't understand this work". For us, there is no alternative to in-person schooling. He's very open and honest with us that he won't do virtual school, he won't listen to us for homeschool. We considered private schools but right now, he doesn't want to leave the 2 friends he actually has. And honesty, he's grown up with this group of kids. They understand his quirks and he's not being bullied which, to me, means a lot. All that aside, I think you could possibly come up with a better solution to this school thing. Have you had a sit down talk with her about school? In a manner like "The Explosive Child?" I think it's that book. Basically, you write the problem. "Doesn't want to go to school"... have her list all of the reasons, no matter how insignificant they seem. Then, write possible solutions, again, no matter how insignificant they seem or even if you know, 100% it won't work. Then, go thru each solution. "Just not go to school isn't possible, the law says you have to attend school." I always tell my son he's welcome to finish school, become a representative and change the laws. But are there any solutions you could look into? Maybe lunch is horrible because she has no one to sit with. Maybe she hates reading but she thinks everyone is better at it than her. For us, it didn't really help because we were met with "I'd just rather be dead. I want to not go". But, I felt like including him in the conversation, letting him see that I empathized with his feelings helped. But maybe your daughter will surprise you. I would reconsider the 1 film for each week thing. It may feel really unattainable to your daughter, much like "What's the point, I'll never do it so I'll just stop trying." My son needs immediate rewards and consequences, there's not much thought into the future. The most I try to do is for the day. So, that he can see tomorrow as a new start. But, I also try to do more rewards than consequences, just because there's really not much I can take away from my son. Phone, he doesn't care. Video games, he hates them. No dinner? He wouldn't eat it anyway, lol. For my son, he actually quickly learned that NOT going to school was not an option. He was going. Whether in his PJ's, dressed, with breakfast or without, crying with snot on his face... he was going. Again, this was only possible because my husband could carry him AND his meltdowns stop once in the presence of other people. Did this mean he wouldn't complain and whine and cry 24/7? Nope. For your daughter, maybe you could try 1 day at a time. She went to school, great, she can watch whatever film she wants. (I'm assuming you mean movie?) If she doesn't go to school, no film. No TV, no playroom, no fun. THAT'S much harder done than said, I fully admit! It sounds like your daughter has learned that she can out last you. (My son has learned the same, I'm not judging!) She knows you will give in. We have started reading an autism book with my son and at one point it says something like "Some kids with ASD fight others when asked to do something they don't want because they know people will leave them alone" .... something like that... but my son looked dead at me at said, "It's like they're writing about me!" I don't think he realized how impactful that was. Way to let me know you are perfectly capable of cleaning the playroom but you just don't want to! It's only very recently that I have realized how I have let my son's diagnosis dictate things. "Oh, he can't brush his teeth tonight, he's having a meltdown!" "Husband, just leave him be, he's obviously upset" etc. My son has learned that if he throws a fit, I will feel bad, I'll feel like he CAN'T do something and then leave him alone. I don't want to say he's manipulating me because he's not, he's just doing what has worked. I know this has been a really long post, sorry. If I can help/speak more on something just let me know., Not physical harm but the emotional damage is real. And her endurance surpasses my tolerance. I'm looking at noise cancelling headphones., It's really really hard to sit through. At least for my kid, standing our ground did help. The framing of, we expect these things from you as part of the household (going to school, doing homework, cleaning up after yourself, etc) and if that's hard, we'll help you but if you can't find a way to do them it's impossible to have screens DID eventually work. But there were tantrums about it, name calling, negotiations, claiming he didn't care anyway, really angry insults, etc. The fact you've gotten traction with this method before is worth considering., This kind of system just doesn't work with PDA. They will just see dangling the reward as manipulation and push back even harder. I think school will have to be heavily modified against its own philosophy and power dynamics in terms of her accommodations, and I can pretty much guarantee you that will be much easier said than done., Can you reframe it as, we want you to earn and keep your films and to do that you have to go to school. What can we do to help you go to school so you can keep your films?, How is her behavior in school?, Thanks for replying. Her answer will be " you can help me by GIVING ME ALL MY FILMS BACK.", Her teacher gave a glowing report. I do suspect something has happened on the last week to set this off, though., I mean, mine would scream his head off at me too tbh. Does she harm herself or you during the meltdowns? Is there a way to keep her physically safe during it? If there is you probably just have to put in some noise cancelling headphones and let her. , My son (11) hates school. To the point where he will go on really long tangents about how he'd rather be dead than go to school! We've had to physically carry him to the bus stop quite a few times. I'm lucky that my husband retired when this got really bad so he was able to carry him, otherwise I don't know what I'd do 'cause he's as big as me. Like your daughter, we suspect PDA for our son, too. But as an adult, it seems like such an easy, needed thing for a kid to do. Just go to school! Go see your friends, do the work (for my son, at least, he KNOWS all the work) just do what you're told and come home. But I've been really trying to think of it from a different perspective. School must be Hell for my kid. 7.5 hours of being told what to do from every adult. One teacher lets students draw if it's quiet, one teacher says no; one teacher never yells, one won't stop. Teacher's saying hurry up but the next teacher says stop rushing. Teacher says "don't be afraid to ask for help" then says "you know it, just do it yourself". That's not even mentioning the social aspect of being ASD. Add in students with more challenging behaviors- non-stop talking, throwing chairs, screaming. I could go on and on about how horrible school is, lol... But, anyways, my son has also always had great behavior in school. Teacher's are shocked when we tell them how he acts at home, the things he says about school. Yeah, he has the typical ADHD focus issues, sometimes withdraws socially but glowing reports otherwise. It's taken us this long to really start advocating and pushing for changes. Just because he has great behavior doesn't mean he's not struggling. My son internalizes everything and then breaks down at home. We can find out weeks later that his horrible day was because a kid asked him to hurry up... or that a teacher told another student to get to work. The tiniest thing that's like... seriously?! I've found we've gotten more success by telling the teachers what we want to happen instead of asking what we can change. For example, my son now has a daily rating chart that he fills out prior to coming home. Each class is given a rating from 1-6, which has been incredibly helpful for us. Oh, lunch got a really bad rating today, I'm sorry, do you know what happened... A student was picking on his friend. Oh, science got a horrible number, it seems like it was really not fun... they doubled the classes together and it was too loud. Prior to the rating we just would have heard "School is horrible, I'd rather be dead, I hate everything!!!" This is allowing us to see patterns so we can better pinpoint what's happening. He's also being given extended time between classes- he likes to walk the long way to avoid crowds. Teachers are allowing him to take a lap around school if he seems worked up or not paying attention. Just tiny little things that he can do/change but don't impact an entire class. We are really focusing on advocating for himself. "This class is really loud, I need a break" or "I don't understand this work". For us, there is no alternative to in-person schooling. He's very open and honest with us that he won't do virtual school, he won't listen to us for homeschool. We considered private schools but right now, he doesn't want to leave the 2 friends he actually has. And honesty, he's grown up with this group of kids. They understand his quirks and he's not being bullied which, to me, means a lot. All that aside, I think you could possibly come up with a better solution to this school thing. Have you had a sit down talk with her about school? In a manner like "The Explosive Child?" I think it's that book. Basically, you write the problem. "Doesn't want to go to school"... have her list all of the reasons, no matter how insignificant they seem. Then, write possible solutions, again, no matter how insignificant they seem or even if you know, 100% it won't work. Then, go thru each solution. "Just not go to school isn't possible, the law says you have to attend school." I always tell my son he's welcome to finish school, become a representative and change the laws. But are there any solutions you could look into? Maybe lunch is horrible because she has no one to sit with. Maybe she hates reading but she thinks everyone is better at it than her. For us, it didn't really help because we were met with "I'd just rather be dead. I want to not go". But, I felt like including him in the conversation, letting him see that I empathized with his feelings helped. But maybe your daughter will surprise you. I would reconsider the 1 film for each week thing. It may feel really unattainable to your daughter, much like "What's the point, I'll never do it so I'll just stop trying." My son needs immediate rewards and consequences, there's not much thought into the future. The most I try to do is for the day. So, that he can see tomorrow as a new start. But, I also try to do more rewards than consequences, just because there's really not much I can take away from my son. Phone, he doesn't care. Video games, he hates them. No dinner? He wouldn't eat it anyway, lol. For my son, he actually quickly learned that NOT going to school was not an option. He was going. Whether in his PJ's, dressed, with breakfast or without, crying with snot on his face... he was going. Again, this was only possible because my husband could carry him AND his meltdowns stop once in the presence of other people. Did this mean he wouldn't complain and whine and cry 24/7? Nope. For your daughter, maybe you could try 1 day at a time. She went to school, great, she can watch whatever film she wants. (I'm assuming you mean movie?) If she doesn't go to school, no film. No TV, no playroom, no fun. THAT'S much harder done than said, I fully admit! It sounds like your daughter has learned that she can out last you. (My son has learned the same, I'm not judging!) She knows you will give in. We have started reading an autism book with my son and at one point it says something like "Some kids with ASD fight others when asked to do something they don't want because they know people will leave them alone" .... something like that... but my son looked dead at me at said, "It's like they're writing about me!" I don't think he realized how impactful that was. Way to let me know you are perfectly capable of cleaning the playroom but you just don't want to! It's only very recently that I have realized how I have let my son's diagnosis dictate things. "Oh, he can't brush his teeth tonight, he's having a meltdown!" "Husband, just leave him be, he's obviously upset" etc. My son has learned that if he throws a fit, I will feel bad, I'll feel like he CAN'T do something and then leave him alone. I don't want to say he's manipulating me because he's not, he's just doing what has worked. I know this has been a really long post, sorry. If I can help/speak more on something just let me know., Not physical harm but the emotional damage is real. And her endurance surpasses my tolerance. I'm looking at noise cancelling headphones., It's really really hard to sit through. At least for my kid, standing our ground did help. The framing of, we expect these things from you as part of the household (going to school, doing homework, cleaning up after yourself, etc) and if that's hard, we'll help you but if you can't find a way to do them it's impossible to have screens DID eventually work. But there were tantrums about it, name calling, negotiations, claiming he didn't care anyway, really angry insults, etc. The fact you've gotten traction with this method before is worth considering.

Fear about something that happened in the NICU

My son was born about a month premature. Labor was prolonged and difficult, and he had a period of heart deceleration where labor was stopped temporarily. When he was born, he was unprepared to breathe on his own and he needed time in the NICU. He seemed more or less okay, accounting for prematurity, up into his second year. Around age two we started to see delays and regression which have seemed to become more substantial with time. \----- At some point, while reviewing other test results, I realized I can access all the blood gas results from his first hours in the NICU after he was born. I don't understand everything about these tests, but one thing that stands out is how low his blood oxygen levels were. (According to the hospitals chart, it's supposed to have been 88-92%) but it hovered between 70%-85% for the first couple of hours of his life. \*\*\*Then at the start of the night, it's recorded as being only 56%, and in the morning at when they next recorded it at 5am it's stated to only have been 61%. \*\*\* I don't know what to make of this, but these are questions that circle in my mind: * Did his breathing apparatus malfunction overnight and no one realized it? * Is that low of an oxygen level low enough to cause permanent brain damage? * Did he have some kind of a seizure or stroke after his birth while in the NICU that no one picked up on? Maybe something happened that invisibly halted his body's ability to get oxygen. \----- Considering that his development seemed relatively typical at first, this makes that kind of brain damage seem less likely, right? Also, he's had a normal MRI; if he had oxygen deprivation wouldn't that have shown on the MRI? (However, his EEGs are abnormal. He has global developmental delay and we're struggling to help him make progress.) \---- I don't doubt that my son would have autism regardless. There's lots of neurodivergence in our family. My son and I both have a genetic variant of interest. However, I do wonder if the low oxygen is a contributing factor to his delay and impairment. For example, my older child also has autism as well as ADHD, but he's not delayed or impaired. \------ After I discovered the records of this low blood oxygen, I asked my son's neurologist what this could mean. He didn't have much to say other than to question the accuracy of the records, but I felt like it somehow troubled him. (He works for the same large hospital system as the NICU where this happened.) Now we have a new neurologist (who also works for the same medical group...) and I'm wondering if/how to present these questions to him. Or maybe there's someone else who otherwise represents the hospital who might be better to ask? These questions haunt me and I can't let it go. Does anyone have any recommendations?

This is just me but I wouldn’t explore this beyond soft attempts to understand that first night for the sake of your own closure. Unless there was gross negligence, I’d focus a lot more on acceptance and actions to take now, knowing his developmental delays and how to support him through learning and gaining new skills. This is a huge job and requires lots of time and mental commitment to find the right therapists and people who work well with your child to help them. Focus your efforts where they matter., Not to downplay your fears and concerns, they are valid, I spent 7 am-midnight in the NICU with my son for weeks, and it was always busy with nurses and staff. NICU Work requires extremely experienced staff and specialists who take their work seriously. It may be worth putting in a freedom of information request for the notes/progress notes. When I was there for hours, Beeping machines were checked frequently. It is very troubling to see those stats, hopefully someone with NICU experience can speak to the numbers., Yes-so if they have a patient quality office or a customer service, start calling around. Look into freedom of information requests for your state/province. I think they do hold on to notes, I think with stuff being Electronic now. I suspect they monitored him closely trying to get his saturation up and probably had all hands on deck for it. Do you recall if you were told about rough night? It may have been a blur. My son is almost five and I would be calling around for sure., Are you worried about his O2 levels now? You might consider getting a pulse oximeter. I hate to say it, but your behavior strikes me a bit as fixation on the One Thing that would have magically made your current struggles less. I have actually done this before, especially when my MIL started to go downhill with her dementia and we were feeling really scared around her behavior. We kept thinking about what would have happened if we intervened sooner, but it was just a form of grief turning to self harm and didn’t help us deal with the situation at hand. I do agree that a summary of blood oxygen in the NICU should be on his chart and he should be evaluated for any issues that could be tied more to a birth injury than autism. However, even if you interrogated the nurses who cared for him over 4 years ago, I doubt you would feel much closure around it. This is a grief issue tied to your feelings about perceiving that you failed to protect your son that you may need the help of a therapist to work through in a healthy way. Both of my kids present their autism in different ways. One child is more quick to anger and the other can get very anxious. Each child will be different in their own way. My oldest still has handwriting issues but can independently complete projects on her own and the little one has great handwriting but absolutely no executive functioning around completing homework. Unfortunately, even autism has more flavors than an ice cream shop, and you never really know what is going to come out., I appreciate that; but - to be clear - helping him with therapy and support that is what we’ve already done and have been doing since the delay was known. But you’re right. It’s a huge responsibility, and thinking about the “why” behind it is intensely draining., So you think there are NICU notes available that I could request for more information? My son is age 4.5 now... is this too long ago? Should I just look for the hospital's customer service?, Yes, it is a blur but I do remember mentions of vague concerns about blood gasses that seemed better after that first night. Thank you for your recommendation. It's kind of hard, because it's sickening to think about... part of my mind is like, why even try to understand? What could we even do about it all now... But I did at least just fill out the form on the hospitals website to make a request for information., I meant to reply to you, but my response is above haha. Sorry., For sure, it can help inform his health care needs maybe. Having all the facts will be good for questions you may have. It can also help the hospital improve quality of care. I like sunlight on any concerns, not to get anyone in trouble, but it really helps direct decisions.

Feeling Angry With Flip-Flopping Parents

Do any other parents ever feel sorry for themselves? I need to know if I am overreacting or need to get over it. My teenage daughter, Christine, is on the spectrum and is partially verbal. When she was younger we had so much support from friends and family. As she’s gotten older it’s been more and more obvious that both my parents as well as my in-laws no longer feel comfortable watching her. My husband, oldest daughter and myself are all in a wedding (husbands brother - my BIL) this spring, but that leaves our youngest and our special needs daughter needing someone to help watch them during the ceremony. I asked my parents 6 months before the wedding if they could help me with Christine. They said they could do it. They were even invited to the wedding as a courtesy to make it easier on everyone. My parents realized they wouldn’t be able to bring their dog to the wedding/resort so they talked about making a day trip and taking back Christine with them to their house an hour away. All seemed well until a couple weeks ago. Fast forward 3 months after my parents agreed to helping, my mom gave me some really weird and strained statement that they couldn’t watch Christine anymore bc it was too close to my dads 60th bday and he was really bummed out that he wouldn’t be able to hang out with his own daughters on his bday weekend, and he wanted to go somewhere for his bday so they wouldn’t be home… Keep in mind they were invited to a wedding, at a very nice resort, semi close to their home where both my sister and myself would be that very weekend. I decided to take it in stride and said it was okay, I would see if I could get a friend to travel to watch Christine. My friend agreed to watching Christine the weekend of the wedding and even took the Friday before off of work so she could help support us. We needed a place for my friend and Christine to stay so I asked my parents if they were okay with my daughter and friend staying at their house since they were planning to “be gone” for dads birthday. They both told me yes, that would be fine. Fast forward another couple of weeks and I called my mom to go over plans for the wedding weekend bc we had discussed house swapping where they would come to my house and my friend, and daughter would stay at my parents house. My mom told me that my dad decided he wanted to stay home and instead invited his brother and wife to come stay with them at their house the weekend of the wedding. That completely displaces my daughter and friend and at this point it’s too late to rent a room at the resort as the prices have sky rocketed. Our only option is to now ask my friend to drive 3 1/2hrs to our home to stay with our daughter which also means Christine will not get to go to the wedding. The mom guilt is eating me up. I know Christine is excited about the wedding bc she says “party” anytime we talk about it. Christine will absolutely be depressed when she realizes she’s been left at home with a sitter instead of going to her favorite uncles wedding. I am also so angry and mad at my parents who are trying to act like absolutely nothing is wrong and they didn’t completely flip flop on me twice. so far I’ve just ignored them but it is eating me up inside that they’ve done this. Part of me wants to tell them how horrible they’ve been but the other part of me couldn’t imagine upsetting my parents.

You should absolutely talk with them about in a very honest and logical way. They don't sound like dependable people in this specific situation and if they just don't have the capacity to handle your daughter then they should be upfront with you about it instead of making your life harder. You need to know what to be able to plan for and depend on. If it upsets them to hear the truth then so be it. No one can argue facts, and do leave it at facts and less emotional if possible. They should've been truthful with you., I have experienced this so much with my side of the family, my in laws have been great. I just stopped relying on people who are unreliable. If you can swing it, it may be worth finding some childcare options from find a sitter type sites. There are quite a few people I’ve seen who work with autistic people already or have prior experience and you can do phone or zoom interviews. My husband and I were both in a wedding 6 hours away and we hired someone to watch my daughter for just during the ceremony, it worked out well as they just hung out in the car with my daughters favorite foods and videos . Just something to consider for future since in my experience childcare options become less and less as our kids get older., I’m sorry. It sounds like you handled everything great, so responsibly and respectful of their time. My take on it is that there’s some selfishness going on here. Also poor communication on your parents part. They should’ve communicated that they wanted to keep their plans open that weekend, so they could celebrate your dads 60th. The way they handled this was really bad., My parents disappointed me enough in my childhood—I’ve given them very few opportunities to do so in my adulthood. I pay professionals to help me in these type of situations because it’s much more likely to be successful. People are flaky when they are volunteering their time and there isn’t an incentive. It sounds horrible. Grandparents should look forward to opportunities to see their grandkids. But if it interferes with something they want to do more, it’s easy to flake., I think it is implied that watching your daughter has become too much for them. This is a rough way to have that communicated especially as it was very subtle. I think they feel bad and don’t want to directly say that they really don’t want to watch their granddaughter as that’s a difficult thing to process. Going forward they are no longer reliable childcare. I would just move forward and hire other paid caregivers. I don’t think you will achieve much by discussing this other than what is already implied., Gotta love last second back outs. SO's grandparents promised to watch kid 1, while I was in the hospital with kid 2. Only it became "Aaacshually, we can't, because we got a funeral of some distant acquaintance to go to.". Stressed me, stressed the SO, but we figured it out. Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore. When people show you they aren't reliable, keep it in mind and don't rely on them. :-(, I don't understand tbh. You're at a family wedding. Presumably surrounded by family. Why, during the ceremony, so what a maximum of an hour or 90 minutes including photos, can not a single member of the family present watch the 2 children? Re your parents, it sounds as though over the last 15 years plus, they've supported your family extensively but now want to step back and focus on their needs and wishes, which isn't unreasonable. They've raised their children and had extensive involvement with their grandchildren to date, but now want to be able to have some tome for themselves. You can't really berate them for this. Hope the wedding goes well., In a way I do feel maybe they are overwhelmed and thought this would be a good way to passive aggressively get it across to you. On the other hand I do feel it’s kind of inconvenient seeing as you made these plans months in advance. Which gave them plenty of time to get things together, so with them knowing all of this and seeing how you made sure everything was in place before this event, I think them flip flopping twice on you when you had all of this organized definitely gives off that they’re just over it. I would personally have a conversation to see where they’re heads are at— specifically why they thought it’d be a good idea to switch things up like this at last moments notice, I’m going to assume they don’t usually do this. And since it was your dad’s birthday around the same time as the event, shouldn’t they have known what the birthday plans were going to be so it didn’t cross into the wedding event? Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.., If the parents were mature enough to have this conversation from the get go, yes. But to be evasive and cause trouble by changing the plans with excuses is the issue. The parents need to be mature enough to explain what they want to do., They've been put on the spot and probably didn't want to have to be as direct ad saying we've done our heavy lifting and now want time for us!, I'm not sure I buy "being put on the spot".  They had months to back out and chose to wait until the last minute.   In my mind, that sails past a reasonable desire to "pull back" and falls firmly into poor behavior. , But their daughter has a nonverbal autistic teen. That’s incredibly difficult every single day, and only getting harder as she ages. It’s not okay to make OP have to manage her parents too because it’s icky to have to tell people you actually don’t want to help. OP asked a long time before the wedding so it wasn’t a “put on the spot” scenario. Shame on the parents for not being adult enough to be direct about how much or little they were willing to do and making a difficult situation worse., They were asked 6 months in advance. How in the world is this being "put on the spot"??, Asking, whenever the ask, is putting someone on the spot. Being asked puts people into an awkward position. People volunteering is another entirely! These are OUR CHILDREN and noone else should feel expected to provide childcare and respite etc for them and certainly not indefinitely over decades. This is our reality., Ah, well we just think of being put on the spot as 2 different definitions. I think op was asking her family for help. That's usually what family does...they help. Of course they are completely within their right to decline but the problem here is they said yes instead, had plenty of time to think through how to politely decline if they were feeling weird about it, and yet again said they'd open their home to child and friend and backed out on that. It's no one's job to care for our child except the parents but if you ask for help they should be upfront with yes or no. I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no like actual adults should be capabale of doing. That's all., > OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no >>I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no And now think why they found this so hard. That's my point. They were put on the spot. Family volunteer - great. Family feeling straight jacketed- not great. Family feeling manipulated/over-relied on, guilt tripped - not great. Not everyone is able to go against Family and say no. Especially when the unsaid element is if you don't do it I can't go!, You should absolutely talk with them about in a very honest and logical way. They don't sound like dependable people in this specific situation and if they just don't have the capacity to handle your daughter then they should be upfront with you about it instead of making your life harder. You need to know what to be able to plan for and depend on. If it upsets them to hear the truth then so be it. No one can argue facts, and do leave it at facts and less emotional if possible. They should've been truthful with you., I have experienced this so much with my side of the family, my in laws have been great. I just stopped relying on people who are unreliable. If you can swing it, it may be worth finding some childcare options from find a sitter type sites. There are quite a few people I’ve seen who work with autistic people already or have prior experience and you can do phone or zoom interviews. My husband and I were both in a wedding 6 hours away and we hired someone to watch my daughter for just during the ceremony, it worked out well as they just hung out in the car with my daughters favorite foods and videos . Just something to consider for future since in my experience childcare options become less and less as our kids get older., I’m sorry. It sounds like you handled everything great, so responsibly and respectful of their time. My take on it is that there’s some selfishness going on here. Also poor communication on your parents part. They should’ve communicated that they wanted to keep their plans open that weekend, so they could celebrate your dads 60th. The way they handled this was really bad., My parents disappointed me enough in my childhood—I’ve given them very few opportunities to do so in my adulthood. I pay professionals to help me in these type of situations because it’s much more likely to be successful. People are flaky when they are volunteering their time and there isn’t an incentive. It sounds horrible. Grandparents should look forward to opportunities to see their grandkids. But if it interferes with something they want to do more, it’s easy to flake., I think it is implied that watching your daughter has become too much for them. This is a rough way to have that communicated especially as it was very subtle. I think they feel bad and don’t want to directly say that they really don’t want to watch their granddaughter as that’s a difficult thing to process. Going forward they are no longer reliable childcare. I would just move forward and hire other paid caregivers. I don’t think you will achieve much by discussing this other than what is already implied., Gotta love last second back outs. SO's grandparents promised to watch kid 1, while I was in the hospital with kid 2. Only it became "Aaacshually, we can't, because we got a funeral of some distant acquaintance to go to.". Stressed me, stressed the SO, but we figured it out. Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore. When people show you they aren't reliable, keep it in mind and don't rely on them. :-(, I don't understand tbh. You're at a family wedding. Presumably surrounded by family. Why, during the ceremony, so what a maximum of an hour or 90 minutes including photos, can not a single member of the family present watch the 2 children? Re your parents, it sounds as though over the last 15 years plus, they've supported your family extensively but now want to step back and focus on their needs and wishes, which isn't unreasonable. They've raised their children and had extensive involvement with their grandchildren to date, but now want to be able to have some tome for themselves. You can't really berate them for this. Hope the wedding goes well., In a way I do feel maybe they are overwhelmed and thought this would be a good way to passive aggressively get it across to you. On the other hand I do feel it’s kind of inconvenient seeing as you made these plans months in advance. Which gave them plenty of time to get things together, so with them knowing all of this and seeing how you made sure everything was in place before this event, I think them flip flopping twice on you when you had all of this organized definitely gives off that they’re just over it. I would personally have a conversation to see where they’re heads are at— specifically why they thought it’d be a good idea to switch things up like this at last moments notice, I’m going to assume they don’t usually do this. And since it was your dad’s birthday around the same time as the event, shouldn’t they have known what the birthday plans were going to be so it didn’t cross into the wedding event? Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.., If the parents were mature enough to have this conversation from the get go, yes. But to be evasive and cause trouble by changing the plans with excuses is the issue. The parents need to be mature enough to explain what they want to do., They've been put on the spot and probably didn't want to have to be as direct ad saying we've done our heavy lifting and now want time for us!, I'm not sure I buy "being put on the spot".  They had months to back out and chose to wait until the last minute.   In my mind, that sails past a reasonable desire to "pull back" and falls firmly into poor behavior. , But their daughter has a nonverbal autistic teen. That’s incredibly difficult every single day, and only getting harder as she ages. It’s not okay to make OP have to manage her parents too because it’s icky to have to tell people you actually don’t want to help. OP asked a long time before the wedding so it wasn’t a “put on the spot” scenario. Shame on the parents for not being adult enough to be direct about how much or little they were willing to do and making a difficult situation worse., They were asked 6 months in advance. How in the world is this being "put on the spot"??, Asking, whenever the ask, is putting someone on the spot. Being asked puts people into an awkward position. People volunteering is another entirely! These are OUR CHILDREN and noone else should feel expected to provide childcare and respite etc for them and certainly not indefinitely over decades. This is our reality., Ah, well we just think of being put on the spot as 2 different definitions. I think op was asking her family for help. That's usually what family does...they help. Of course they are completely within their right to decline but the problem here is they said yes instead, had plenty of time to think through how to politely decline if they were feeling weird about it, and yet again said they'd open their home to child and friend and backed out on that. It's no one's job to care for our child except the parents but if you ask for help they should be upfront with yes or no. I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no like actual adults should be capabale of doing. That's all., > OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no >>I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no And now think why they found this so hard. That's my point. They were put on the spot. Family volunteer - great. Family feeling straight jacketed- not great. Family feeling manipulated/over-relied on, guilt tripped - not great. Not everyone is able to go against Family and say no. Especially when the unsaid element is if you don't do it I can't go!, You should absolutely talk with them about in a very honest and logical way. They don't sound like dependable people in this specific situation and if they just don't have the capacity to handle your daughter then they should be upfront with you about it instead of making your life harder. You need to know what to be able to plan for and depend on. If it upsets them to hear the truth then so be it. No one can argue facts, and do leave it at facts and less emotional if possible. They should've been truthful with you., I have experienced this so much with my side of the family, my in laws have been great. I just stopped relying on people who are unreliable. If you can swing it, it may be worth finding some childcare options from find a sitter type sites. There are quite a few people I’ve seen who work with autistic people already or have prior experience and you can do phone or zoom interviews. My husband and I were both in a wedding 6 hours away and we hired someone to watch my daughter for just during the ceremony, it worked out well as they just hung out in the car with my daughters favorite foods and videos . Just something to consider for future since in my experience childcare options become less and less as our kids get older., I’m sorry. It sounds like you handled everything great, so responsibly and respectful of their time. My take on it is that there’s some selfishness going on here. Also poor communication on your parents part. They should’ve communicated that they wanted to keep their plans open that weekend, so they could celebrate your dads 60th. The way they handled this was really bad., My parents disappointed me enough in my childhood—I’ve given them very few opportunities to do so in my adulthood. I pay professionals to help me in these type of situations because it’s much more likely to be successful. People are flaky when they are volunteering their time and there isn’t an incentive. It sounds horrible. Grandparents should look forward to opportunities to see their grandkids. But if it interferes with something they want to do more, it’s easy to flake., I think it is implied that watching your daughter has become too much for them. This is a rough way to have that communicated especially as it was very subtle. I think they feel bad and don’t want to directly say that they really don’t want to watch their granddaughter as that’s a difficult thing to process. Going forward they are no longer reliable childcare. I would just move forward and hire other paid caregivers. I don’t think you will achieve much by discussing this other than what is already implied., Gotta love last second back outs. SO's grandparents promised to watch kid 1, while I was in the hospital with kid 2. Only it became "Aaacshually, we can't, because we got a funeral of some distant acquaintance to go to.". Stressed me, stressed the SO, but we figured it out. Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore. When people show you they aren't reliable, keep it in mind and don't rely on them. :-(, I don't understand tbh. You're at a family wedding. Presumably surrounded by family. Why, during the ceremony, so what a maximum of an hour or 90 minutes including photos, can not a single member of the family present watch the 2 children? Re your parents, it sounds as though over the last 15 years plus, they've supported your family extensively but now want to step back and focus on their needs and wishes, which isn't unreasonable. They've raised their children and had extensive involvement with their grandchildren to date, but now want to be able to have some tome for themselves. You can't really berate them for this. Hope the wedding goes well., In a way I do feel maybe they are overwhelmed and thought this would be a good way to passive aggressively get it across to you. On the other hand I do feel it’s kind of inconvenient seeing as you made these plans months in advance. Which gave them plenty of time to get things together, so with them knowing all of this and seeing how you made sure everything was in place before this event, I think them flip flopping twice on you when you had all of this organized definitely gives off that they’re just over it. I would personally have a conversation to see where they’re heads are at— specifically why they thought it’d be a good idea to switch things up like this at last moments notice, I’m going to assume they don’t usually do this. And since it was your dad’s birthday around the same time as the event, shouldn’t they have known what the birthday plans were going to be so it didn’t cross into the wedding event? Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.., If the parents were mature enough to have this conversation from the get go, yes. But to be evasive and cause trouble by changing the plans with excuses is the issue. The parents need to be mature enough to explain what they want to do., They've been put on the spot and probably didn't want to have to be as direct ad saying we've done our heavy lifting and now want time for us!, I'm not sure I buy "being put on the spot".  They had months to back out and chose to wait until the last minute.   In my mind, that sails past a reasonable desire to "pull back" and falls firmly into poor behavior. , But their daughter has a nonverbal autistic teen. That’s incredibly difficult every single day, and only getting harder as she ages. It’s not okay to make OP have to manage her parents too because it’s icky to have to tell people you actually don’t want to help. OP asked a long time before the wedding so it wasn’t a “put on the spot” scenario. Shame on the parents for not being adult enough to be direct about how much or little they were willing to do and making a difficult situation worse., They were asked 6 months in advance. How in the world is this being "put on the spot"??, Asking, whenever the ask, is putting someone on the spot. Being asked puts people into an awkward position. People volunteering is another entirely! These are OUR CHILDREN and noone else should feel expected to provide childcare and respite etc for them and certainly not indefinitely over decades. This is our reality., Ah, well we just think of being put on the spot as 2 different definitions. I think op was asking her family for help. That's usually what family does...they help. Of course they are completely within their right to decline but the problem here is they said yes instead, had plenty of time to think through how to politely decline if they were feeling weird about it, and yet again said they'd open their home to child and friend and backed out on that. It's no one's job to care for our child except the parents but if you ask for help they should be upfront with yes or no. I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no like actual adults should be capabale of doing. That's all., > OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no >>I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no And now think why they found this so hard. That's my point. They were put on the spot. Family volunteer - great. Family feeling straight jacketed- not great. Family feeling manipulated/over-relied on, guilt tripped - not great. Not everyone is able to go against Family and say no. Especially when the unsaid element is if you don't do it I can't go!, You should absolutely talk with them about in a very honest and logical way. They don't sound like dependable people in this specific situation and if they just don't have the capacity to handle your daughter then they should be upfront with you about it instead of making your life harder. You need to know what to be able to plan for and depend on. If it upsets them to hear the truth then so be it. No one can argue facts, and do leave it at facts and less emotional if possible. They should've been truthful with you., I have experienced this so much with my side of the family, my in laws have been great. I just stopped relying on people who are unreliable. If you can swing it, it may be worth finding some childcare options from find a sitter type sites. There are quite a few people I’ve seen who work with autistic people already or have prior experience and you can do phone or zoom interviews. My husband and I were both in a wedding 6 hours away and we hired someone to watch my daughter for just during the ceremony, it worked out well as they just hung out in the car with my daughters favorite foods and videos . Just something to consider for future since in my experience childcare options become less and less as our kids get older., I’m sorry. It sounds like you handled everything great, so responsibly and respectful of their time. My take on it is that there’s some selfishness going on here. Also poor communication on your parents part. They should’ve communicated that they wanted to keep their plans open that weekend, so they could celebrate your dads 60th. The way they handled this was really bad., My parents disappointed me enough in my childhood—I’ve given them very few opportunities to do so in my adulthood. I pay professionals to help me in these type of situations because it’s much more likely to be successful. People are flaky when they are volunteering their time and there isn’t an incentive. It sounds horrible. Grandparents should look forward to opportunities to see their grandkids. But if it interferes with something they want to do more, it’s easy to flake., I think it is implied that watching your daughter has become too much for them. This is a rough way to have that communicated especially as it was very subtle. I think they feel bad and don’t want to directly say that they really don’t want to watch their granddaughter as that’s a difficult thing to process. Going forward they are no longer reliable childcare. I would just move forward and hire other paid caregivers. I don’t think you will achieve much by discussing this other than what is already implied., Gotta love last second back outs. SO's grandparents promised to watch kid 1, while I was in the hospital with kid 2. Only it became "Aaacshually, we can't, because we got a funeral of some distant acquaintance to go to.". Stressed me, stressed the SO, but we figured it out. Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore. When people show you they aren't reliable, keep it in mind and don't rely on them. :-(, I don't understand tbh. You're at a family wedding. Presumably surrounded by family. Why, during the ceremony, so what a maximum of an hour or 90 minutes including photos, can not a single member of the family present watch the 2 children? Re your parents, it sounds as though over the last 15 years plus, they've supported your family extensively but now want to step back and focus on their needs and wishes, which isn't unreasonable. They've raised their children and had extensive involvement with their grandchildren to date, but now want to be able to have some tome for themselves. You can't really berate them for this. Hope the wedding goes well., In a way I do feel maybe they are overwhelmed and thought this would be a good way to passive aggressively get it across to you. On the other hand I do feel it’s kind of inconvenient seeing as you made these plans months in advance. Which gave them plenty of time to get things together, so with them knowing all of this and seeing how you made sure everything was in place before this event, I think them flip flopping twice on you when you had all of this organized definitely gives off that they’re just over it. I would personally have a conversation to see where they’re heads are at— specifically why they thought it’d be a good idea to switch things up like this at last moments notice, I’m going to assume they don’t usually do this. And since it was your dad’s birthday around the same time as the event, shouldn’t they have known what the birthday plans were going to be so it didn’t cross into the wedding event? Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.., If the parents were mature enough to have this conversation from the get go, yes. But to be evasive and cause trouble by changing the plans with excuses is the issue. The parents need to be mature enough to explain what they want to do., They've been put on the spot and probably didn't want to have to be as direct ad saying we've done our heavy lifting and now want time for us!, I'm not sure I buy "being put on the spot".  They had months to back out and chose to wait until the last minute.   In my mind, that sails past a reasonable desire to "pull back" and falls firmly into poor behavior. , But their daughter has a nonverbal autistic teen. That’s incredibly difficult every single day, and only getting harder as she ages. It’s not okay to make OP have to manage her parents too because it’s icky to have to tell people you actually don’t want to help. OP asked a long time before the wedding so it wasn’t a “put on the spot” scenario. Shame on the parents for not being adult enough to be direct about how much or little they were willing to do and making a difficult situation worse., They were asked 6 months in advance. How in the world is this being "put on the spot"??, Asking, whenever the ask, is putting someone on the spot. Being asked puts people into an awkward position. People volunteering is another entirely! These are OUR CHILDREN and noone else should feel expected to provide childcare and respite etc for them and certainly not indefinitely over decades. This is our reality., Ah, well we just think of being put on the spot as 2 different definitions. I think op was asking her family for help. That's usually what family does...they help. Of course they are completely within their right to decline but the problem here is they said yes instead, had plenty of time to think through how to politely decline if they were feeling weird about it, and yet again said they'd open their home to child and friend and backed out on that. It's no one's job to care for our child except the parents but if you ask for help they should be upfront with yes or no. I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no like actual adults should be capabale of doing. That's all., > OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no >>I think the main issue here is OPs parents having poor communication or being too scared to say no And now think why they found this so hard. That's my point. They were put on the spot. Family volunteer - great. Family feeling straight jacketed- not great. Family feeling manipulated/over-relied on, guilt tripped - not great. Not everyone is able to go against Family and say no. Especially when the unsaid element is if you don't do it I can't go!

Feels like something is wrong, doctor says he’s fine.

My 3.5yo had walking pneumonia last month. He got treated for it, but had some remaining wheezing that he had to be treated for. His chest X-ray looked good, no more wheezing and very little coughing. But something just feels off with him. Less energy. A lot clingier. And just randomly bursting out into tears for no real reason. Not like a tantrum, but like crying like something is bothering him. We took him to the dentist, and he had X-rays, that was all fine. His doctor said he’s fine, but I am requesting blood work done. I just feel like some thing is wrong and I’m worried sick honestly. My thoughts are immediately jumping to cancer or something. I just wish he could tell me what’s going on.

Have they checked his ears recently? My daughter acts like this when she gets an ear infection after being congested/sick, It's so terrifying that many of our kids can't tell us what is wrong. My son being able to say if something hurt was my number 1 goal for a long time. Now at age 6 he mostly can and I still cry in gratitude at times. Good for you for requesting further testing. I hope it all comes back clear and he starts acting more like his usual self., There are lots of viruses going around this time of year. He could also feel clingy because of being sick earlier. Bloodwork isn’t likely to show anything that wouldn’t be evident from symptoms., I understand how you feel. It’s terrifying because I went through something similar with my son in August. It ended up being he had a benign cyst on the back of his head. It’s scary because our kids can’t actually verbalize what’s going on. I would say, I think bloodwork is a great way to go and that’s what I would do. I think it’s unlikely to be cancer or anything serious. Sometimes after having pneumonia, you can still feel the after effects lingering … I know that happened to me. I would request lab work and hopefully your little boy will feel better soon ❤️, We went back to the ped for a follow up today. He has another ear infection, his cough has returned (but even worse), and he threw up today. But no fever. His ped said to just take antibiotics for the ear infection and see how it is next week. I just really feel like something isn’t right. :/

First words

My 19 month old son just started saying his first words finally. I’m very happy but also a bit concerned that his first words are all colors: orange, red, green, blue, purple, yellow. He correctly identifies the colors he says — ie he’ll pick up a blue ball and yell BLUE! He does not say mama or papa at all. I’ve read kids are supposed to learn colors much later. My autistic nephew also identified colors and even shades of colors (ie dark vs light blue) at a very young age. Is this possibly a sign of autism?

Need more info. Does he show any other traits?, Doesnt sound like Autism from what youve written Thats not very late for first word. And multiple and intelligently using them. Nothing disordered about that, Here’s all the things that I have mentally flagged though both of his speech therapists said they do NOT suspect autism: - obsessed with cars - today he lined up a couple of his cars which is a brand new thing, I have never seen him do that before - occasional hand flapping, very specifically it’s when we are getting him ready for bed he climbs on the couch and squeals and hand flaps (doesn’t do it any other time) - speech delay (first words around 19 months) - previously said mama and papa out of context (around 12 months) if we asked him to, but then he stopped and hasn’t really said it since even when we ask - mouths everything (though I’ve been told that’s still normal at 19 months) - he has started doing an unusual shape with his fingers the last few days but I can’t say much about that yet since it just started In terms of other things: - he does a lot of gestures like pointing, high five, clapping, hello, peekaboo, touching body parts when asked, doing “more” and “all done” signs, and more - he does engage socially, looks back to you for feedback and reactions, maintains eye contact, can play games like peekaboo etc - he hit all his gross motor milestones early - he does respond to his name - his receptive language is strong (seems to understand everything, follows commands well) ETA some other possible signs: - he is perfectly fine staying in bed after he wakes up for an hour or longer without complaining - he loves to spin (like spin in circles) - when I point at something he looks in the general direction to which I am pointing but cannot figure out the EXACT direction / location I’m pointing to, Agree with tgis, Sounds like it's worth a conversation with his doctor. This sounds a lot like my son. Although it took me til he was 2.5yrs to realize it might be autism., This all seems age appropriate. Even everything you considered as flags seem age appropriate., That’s a tough one. He could be on the spectrum, the evaluator will determine the quality of the joint attention and stuff like that. My son was diagnosed at 2 years old and he did make eye contact, point, clap, high five, initiate social stuff, but I guess the evaluator thought it was not the quality of joint attention or eye contact that it should be and that it was mostly “object focused” instead of purely for social reasons. Like he would get my attention to help him reach the toy or fix the toy or whatever but not so much to share the enjoyment of the toy., What were his signs?, I agree with it seeming age appropriate but who knows…, Yes my son is like this with All object focused or to fulfil sensory needs (squeezes, pressure massage, throwing him around etc) He’s 2 but waiting for assessment. We’re in UK so it’s all through NHS so very long waiting times. He got referred at 14 months. He doesn’t do any of the other stuff you said though lol he’s development delayed / got a learning disability, Sorry, I should say the first half of your post sounds like my boy. But he had delayed motor skills, poor eye contact and social interest. We called him “shy” and “introverted” and “emotional”. I didn’t consider autism until the stimming started. I agree with others on this post that your son could be developing normally! But speech therapy is wonderful for any kid, and usually easily accessible if you live in the US!, So my son would make brief eye contact, but not well sustained. Like when he starts jabbering he might lock eyes but then eye contact drifts away as he continues jabbering to you. He might point but it would be tough to interpret if it meant something and usually not with eye contact. He did clap, but not as early as most kids and he didn’t always do it when other people did it. High fiving he’s always been pretty consistent with. His older brother is also ASD so he was in a baby sibling study with the MIND institute since he was 6 months old. It was his 2 year appointment that they diagnosed him, and they were on the fence about it, but felt it enough to bring it up to me and officially diagnose him. They put him at level 1 I think., Only some places in Uk Do levels and I’m not sure if my area is one of them but I’m pretty sure my son would be level 3 tbh, Hoping the best for your diagnosis journey! I’ve seen so many horror stories and been so lucky to get easy diagnoses., Need more info. Does he show any other traits?, Doesnt sound like Autism from what youve written Thats not very late for first word. And multiple and intelligently using them. Nothing disordered about that, Here’s all the things that I have mentally flagged though both of his speech therapists said they do NOT suspect autism: - obsessed with cars - today he lined up a couple of his cars which is a brand new thing, I have never seen him do that before - occasional hand flapping, very specifically it’s when we are getting him ready for bed he climbs on the couch and squeals and hand flaps (doesn’t do it any other time) - speech delay (first words around 19 months) - previously said mama and papa out of context (around 12 months) if we asked him to, but then he stopped and hasn’t really said it since even when we ask - mouths everything (though I’ve been told that’s still normal at 19 months) - he has started doing an unusual shape with his fingers the last few days but I can’t say much about that yet since it just started In terms of other things: - he does a lot of gestures like pointing, high five, clapping, hello, peekaboo, touching body parts when asked, doing “more” and “all done” signs, and more - he does engage socially, looks back to you for feedback and reactions, maintains eye contact, can play games like peekaboo etc - he hit all his gross motor milestones early - he does respond to his name - his receptive language is strong (seems to understand everything, follows commands well) ETA some other possible signs: - he is perfectly fine staying in bed after he wakes up for an hour or longer without complaining - he loves to spin (like spin in circles) - when I point at something he looks in the general direction to which I am pointing but cannot figure out the EXACT direction / location I’m pointing to, Agree with tgis, Sounds like it's worth a conversation with his doctor. This sounds a lot like my son. Although it took me til he was 2.5yrs to realize it might be autism., This all seems age appropriate. Even everything you considered as flags seem age appropriate., That’s a tough one. He could be on the spectrum, the evaluator will determine the quality of the joint attention and stuff like that. My son was diagnosed at 2 years old and he did make eye contact, point, clap, high five, initiate social stuff, but I guess the evaluator thought it was not the quality of joint attention or eye contact that it should be and that it was mostly “object focused” instead of purely for social reasons. Like he would get my attention to help him reach the toy or fix the toy or whatever but not so much to share the enjoyment of the toy., What were his signs?, I agree with it seeming age appropriate but who knows…, Yes my son is like this with All object focused or to fulfil sensory needs (squeezes, pressure massage, throwing him around etc) He’s 2 but waiting for assessment. We’re in UK so it’s all through NHS so very long waiting times. He got referred at 14 months. He doesn’t do any of the other stuff you said though lol he’s development delayed / got a learning disability, Sorry, I should say the first half of your post sounds like my boy. But he had delayed motor skills, poor eye contact and social interest. We called him “shy” and “introverted” and “emotional”. I didn’t consider autism until the stimming started. I agree with others on this post that your son could be developing normally! But speech therapy is wonderful for any kid, and usually easily accessible if you live in the US!, So my son would make brief eye contact, but not well sustained. Like when he starts jabbering he might lock eyes but then eye contact drifts away as he continues jabbering to you. He might point but it would be tough to interpret if it meant something and usually not with eye contact. He did clap, but not as early as most kids and he didn’t always do it when other people did it. High fiving he’s always been pretty consistent with. His older brother is also ASD so he was in a baby sibling study with the MIND institute since he was 6 months old. It was his 2 year appointment that they diagnosed him, and they were on the fence about it, but felt it enough to bring it up to me and officially diagnose him. They put him at level 1 I think., Only some places in Uk Do levels and I’m not sure if my area is one of them but I’m pretty sure my son would be level 3 tbh, Hoping the best for your diagnosis journey! I’ve seen so many horror stories and been so lucky to get easy diagnoses., Need more info. Does he show any other traits?, Doesnt sound like Autism from what youve written Thats not very late for first word. And multiple and intelligently using them. Nothing disordered about that, Here’s all the things that I have mentally flagged though both of his speech therapists said they do NOT suspect autism: - obsessed with cars - today he lined up a couple of his cars which is a brand new thing, I have never seen him do that before - occasional hand flapping, very specifically it’s when we are getting him ready for bed he climbs on the couch and squeals and hand flaps (doesn’t do it any other time) - speech delay (first words around 19 months) - previously said mama and papa out of context (around 12 months) if we asked him to, but then he stopped and hasn’t really said it since even when we ask - mouths everything (though I’ve been told that’s still normal at 19 months) - he has started doing an unusual shape with his fingers the last few days but I can’t say much about that yet since it just started In terms of other things: - he does a lot of gestures like pointing, high five, clapping, hello, peekaboo, touching body parts when asked, doing “more” and “all done” signs, and more - he does engage socially, looks back to you for feedback and reactions, maintains eye contact, can play games like peekaboo etc - he hit all his gross motor milestones early - he does respond to his name - his receptive language is strong (seems to understand everything, follows commands well) ETA some other possible signs: - he is perfectly fine staying in bed after he wakes up for an hour or longer without complaining - he loves to spin (like spin in circles) - when I point at something he looks in the general direction to which I am pointing but cannot figure out the EXACT direction / location I’m pointing to, Agree with tgis, Sounds like it's worth a conversation with his doctor. This sounds a lot like my son. Although it took me til he was 2.5yrs to realize it might be autism., This all seems age appropriate. Even everything you considered as flags seem age appropriate., That’s a tough one. He could be on the spectrum, the evaluator will determine the quality of the joint attention and stuff like that. My son was diagnosed at 2 years old and he did make eye contact, point, clap, high five, initiate social stuff, but I guess the evaluator thought it was not the quality of joint attention or eye contact that it should be and that it was mostly “object focused” instead of purely for social reasons. Like he would get my attention to help him reach the toy or fix the toy or whatever but not so much to share the enjoyment of the toy., What were his signs?, I agree with it seeming age appropriate but who knows…, Yes my son is like this with All object focused or to fulfil sensory needs (squeezes, pressure massage, throwing him around etc) He’s 2 but waiting for assessment. We’re in UK so it’s all through NHS so very long waiting times. He got referred at 14 months. He doesn’t do any of the other stuff you said though lol he’s development delayed / got a learning disability, Sorry, I should say the first half of your post sounds like my boy. But he had delayed motor skills, poor eye contact and social interest. We called him “shy” and “introverted” and “emotional”. I didn’t consider autism until the stimming started. I agree with others on this post that your son could be developing normally! But speech therapy is wonderful for any kid, and usually easily accessible if you live in the US!, So my son would make brief eye contact, but not well sustained. Like when he starts jabbering he might lock eyes but then eye contact drifts away as he continues jabbering to you. He might point but it would be tough to interpret if it meant something and usually not with eye contact. He did clap, but not as early as most kids and he didn’t always do it when other people did it. High fiving he’s always been pretty consistent with. His older brother is also ASD so he was in a baby sibling study with the MIND institute since he was 6 months old. It was his 2 year appointment that they diagnosed him, and they were on the fence about it, but felt it enough to bring it up to me and officially diagnose him. They put him at level 1 I think., Only some places in Uk Do levels and I’m not sure if my area is one of them but I’m pretty sure my son would be level 3 tbh, Hoping the best for your diagnosis journey! I’ve seen so many horror stories and been so lucky to get easy diagnoses., Need more info. Does he show any other traits?, Doesnt sound like Autism from what youve written Thats not very late for first word. And multiple and intelligently using them. Nothing disordered about that, Here’s all the things that I have mentally flagged though both of his speech therapists said they do NOT suspect autism: - obsessed with cars - today he lined up a couple of his cars which is a brand new thing, I have never seen him do that before - occasional hand flapping, very specifically it’s when we are getting him ready for bed he climbs on the couch and squeals and hand flaps (doesn’t do it any other time) - speech delay (first words around 19 months) - previously said mama and papa out of context (around 12 months) if we asked him to, but then he stopped and hasn’t really said it since even when we ask - mouths everything (though I’ve been told that’s still normal at 19 months) - he has started doing an unusual shape with his fingers the last few days but I can’t say much about that yet since it just started In terms of other things: - he does a lot of gestures like pointing, high five, clapping, hello, peekaboo, touching body parts when asked, doing “more” and “all done” signs, and more - he does engage socially, looks back to you for feedback and reactions, maintains eye contact, can play games like peekaboo etc - he hit all his gross motor milestones early - he does respond to his name - his receptive language is strong (seems to understand everything, follows commands well) ETA some other possible signs: - he is perfectly fine staying in bed after he wakes up for an hour or longer without complaining - he loves to spin (like spin in circles) - when I point at something he looks in the general direction to which I am pointing but cannot figure out the EXACT direction / location I’m pointing to, Agree with tgis, Sounds like it's worth a conversation with his doctor. This sounds a lot like my son. Although it took me til he was 2.5yrs to realize it might be autism., This all seems age appropriate. Even everything you considered as flags seem age appropriate., That’s a tough one. He could be on the spectrum, the evaluator will determine the quality of the joint attention and stuff like that. My son was diagnosed at 2 years old and he did make eye contact, point, clap, high five, initiate social stuff, but I guess the evaluator thought it was not the quality of joint attention or eye contact that it should be and that it was mostly “object focused” instead of purely for social reasons. Like he would get my attention to help him reach the toy or fix the toy or whatever but not so much to share the enjoyment of the toy., What were his signs?, I agree with it seeming age appropriate but who knows…, Yes my son is like this with All object focused or to fulfil sensory needs (squeezes, pressure massage, throwing him around etc) He’s 2 but waiting for assessment. We’re in UK so it’s all through NHS so very long waiting times. He got referred at 14 months. He doesn’t do any of the other stuff you said though lol he’s development delayed / got a learning disability, Sorry, I should say the first half of your post sounds like my boy. But he had delayed motor skills, poor eye contact and social interest. We called him “shy” and “introverted” and “emotional”. I didn’t consider autism until the stimming started. I agree with others on this post that your son could be developing normally! But speech therapy is wonderful for any kid, and usually easily accessible if you live in the US!, So my son would make brief eye contact, but not well sustained. Like when he starts jabbering he might lock eyes but then eye contact drifts away as he continues jabbering to you. He might point but it would be tough to interpret if it meant something and usually not with eye contact. He did clap, but not as early as most kids and he didn’t always do it when other people did it. High fiving he’s always been pretty consistent with. His older brother is also ASD so he was in a baby sibling study with the MIND institute since he was 6 months old. It was his 2 year appointment that they diagnosed him, and they were on the fence about it, but felt it enough to bring it up to me and officially diagnose him. They put him at level 1 I think., Only some places in Uk Do levels and I’m not sure if my area is one of them but I’m pretty sure my son would be level 3 tbh, Hoping the best for your diagnosis journey! I’ve seen so many horror stories and been so lucky to get easy diagnoses.

First year teacher can’t handle my son and keeps sending him to the office every day

My son is in Kindergarten and his teacher is brand new. He had zero issues in preschool which was full time so there’s no real difference to this classroom except the teacher. He has autism level 2 and ADHD and yes can be a handful in the sense he needs a LOT of redirection. I’ve been having issues since day 1 of this teacher just not being the right fit for him. She’s very nice but you can tell she is overwhelmed and it’s surpassed her abilities. She keeps sending him to the office every single day where he is spending the majority of the day. It will be for things like running around in the classroom, not sitting on the carpet/at his desk, not doing work, etc. He does NOT have a para but we have an IEP meeting scheduled for Oct. 5 to hopefully get him one. He’s not receiving any sort of education because he spending most of the day in the office with busy work that he doesn’t do. There’s also another kid in the class that apparently keeps fucking with my son and my son gets triggered and will hit him back. This kid is always the one that starts it, his teacher even admitted that. And my son defends himself. But he continues to get in trouble for it and just has to go to the office. I keep asking, why can’t you separate them all day? And she says she “tries” but it “happens quickly”. Today this kid apparently tripped my son on purpose going to the bathroom and my son kicked him back. So my son got sent to the office all day again. I’m just at a loss. She also keeps messaging me on class dojo that he won’t do any of the work. I’m like, what do you want me to do? He needs a para. Until he gets a para I can’t magically force him in a desk to do the work. Any advice? I’m sitting here crying again over this.

So, he has an IEP currently? You need to get these trips to the office documented in writing. It sounds like the teacher has also communicated this through ClassDojo? Perfect. I think your first step should be contacting the teacher today by email, and telling her that repeatedly sending him to the office is arguably a change of placement. He's effectively missing days of school with an in-school, informal suspension. After this has happened for a total of 10 days, they're required to have a manifestation determination meeting. In other words, his behavior is related to his disability, and they have to handle it. They can't just boot him out. I would still also contact your director of special education and the superintendent, letting them know your son is being repeatedly sent to the office for a large portion of the day. This is denying him FAPE. My concern from here is that they will continue trying to do this, but won't tell you it's happening. If there isn't an immediate stop to it, you can file a state complaint over this., What we did was 1. Got an IEP. 2. Finished the school year out and had 3 IEP meetings. 3. Dropped the public school and went to a public charter school. Now our son is more compliant with respect to doing homework. For ADHD, we don't let our son eat processed foods, fast foods, color dye Red40 which is confirmed to cause attention disorder, etc. To overcome ADHD, we had our son attend Mathnasium or a tutoring center where he learned to play chess with another kid. He and that kid sat for 2 hours playing chess and our son is diagnosed as ASD and ADHD. Never seen our son do focused. So for your son, hopefully he can have access to some puzzle game, checkers, chess, or some problem solving game that he can play with another kid. Since your son is 2, chess may be too much; however, maybe he'll like the Connect 4 game. I'm sure someone will dispute my claims about fast foods, etc; however, I'm sure that same person will say beef is good for you and doesn't cause heart failure., I don’t know what state you’re in, but ask for an emergency IEP asap. Hire an advocate and get an assistant in the class or have him out in a moderate/mild class. I’m currently fighting with the district for both of our boys with an attorney advocate. Not cheap but more than worth it., Separating the kids into different classes if possible would be the best solution if they’re having confrontations every day and maybe for the not staying at his desk thing, try getting him to sit at a desk at home for a few minutes and slowly expand that time every day? Having a para sounds like the best solution here so it’s good that you have a meeting scheduled for that. Is it just her in the classroom or does she have aids that help her because I can definitely see how that’d be overwhelming for a first year teacher but sending him to the office everyday is ridiculous, Oh I feel you so hard right now- we are going through something similar. Call the principal. Document everything. Including things that haven’t happened yet like your meeting October 5th. Request a meeting with the principal and the superintendent. Express to them this is your course of action and if they have any better thoughts in the interim, you’re happy to hear them but if not, it’s that teachers job to educate your child., The way they are dealing with your son is not acceptable. They do this so often- delay convening a meeting, getting an IEP done, and doing what needs doing. They claim they have to coordinate people, which means having 12, 13, 14 random people you've never met and will never see again attend. Witnesses. Your son should've been given an emergency IEP in order to get things in order before school even started. At this point, I will tell you that you should contact a parent advocate, someone with the Autism Society or like organization, and ask them to be there with you, for you at the IEP. Advocates are often people who have been through the same issues when their children were young and know the system and your son's rights. The school will have their own team of people and it will be overwhelming. I find that they mostly have their own interest in mind and a parent advocate may consider issues you haven't thought of. By the way, we also had two instances of first year teachers and neither had any training in dealing with special needs students. One quit three months into the school year without prior notice to the administration. She merely did not show up one day and the school was left scrambling, assigning an art teacher in her place. The other was constantly frazzled and defensive bc being a teacher, especially a first year, is hard enough. She was nice enough, but it was obvious that she felt she had been handed the task bc she was first year and had to pay her dues. Is it possible that you could contact the school social worker, guidance counselor, school district's ombudsman and get an IEP scheduled sooner? An emergency IEP. He is entitled to an education and sitting in the principal's office day after day, missing lessons is setting a negative tone in the way they are dealing with him. I wish you all luck.🌻, The school will drag their feet for as long as possible and will blame your child for the problem. By law the school has to provide a free and appropriate education. Look at private ABA agencies and in your IEP explain your child can not received an education without a 1on1 aide. Explain the school is having trouble staffing and you have found a few private ABA agencies that can get their staff in there right away. Also ask for compensory education., Sounds like a cut and dry case of discrimination, Is he in a class for ESY students?, Yes, I agree that you should go above the principal's pay grade and contact your director for special ed & superintendent and let them know that your son's needs and accommodations haven't been met. You should also stress that the IEP meeting is scheduled too late and you need one within the week asap to start implementing accommodations., 1) no he does not have an IEP. I submitted his diagnosis paperwork PRIOR the first day of school and we are just now getting around to a meeting in October. 2) his teacher responds to be via Dojo but I am not being made aware of every time he is sent to the office. He himself tells me. She told me today the office is supposed to call me but they have only called me about it three times total since the start of school in august. He has not learned a dang thing the past two months. In Prek he was coming home daily telling me about his day excitably. Ever since he has started K it has been issue after issue and I have to assume it’s because of this new teacher., I unfortunately cannot afford an attorney. I wish that I could because this is exhausting, It’s just her in the classroom for 18 kids. I totally sympathize that she’s overwhelmed but at the same time how is my child getting the education he’s legally entitled to if he’s just going to the office every day. It makes no sense and I don’t know why the admin is allowing it., Thanks. I think on Monday I’m going to call the principal with my concerns because I don’t see how he is getting any sort of education this way., I’ll have to look more into a parent advocate because that sounds like something I will need. Is this a free service though? I cannot afford to hire anyone., My son is adhd and autistic too. He didn't get his iep until 2nd grade. He also struggled to stay in class, and the school had to tutor him at home while we went through the IEP process. There are options for them to take instead of sending him to the office. He eventually had modifications to try to meet his needs in the classroom, but eventually the choice was made for him to move to another nearby school in the district that had more staff and resources to help him, which ended up being a godsend. This commentor has great advice. There are also advocates out there who can help team up with you to fight for his right to education. I never needed one because our school district was very good about taking care of his needs without a fight. Unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky., When did you send them the paperwork and request evaluation for special education services? At maximum, they have 60 days to develop the IEP, but it can be less in some states. In Michigan, they have 30 days. You may be able to argue that you need a meeting sooner, and if they haven't completed a functional behavioral analysis (FBA), they need to do that. Every time your son tells you, email the special Ed director and the teacher to create a paper trail. "Evan informed me that after recess, x happened and he was sent to the office for the remainder of the school day today. What time was he sent to the office?" Don't respond to phone calls - force them to email you back or leave a voicemail., You have a long road ahead, and if he has an IEP meeting scheduled for a few weeks from now, you just need to hang in there. I have a now 17 year old who had a para all throughout school and it made all the difference. If they won't provide one, try your best to stay positive and get a lawyer. I wasted two years before I did that and went myself for a year and paid someone to go another year when I had a newborn. Hold tight, be kind to the school staff, and hang in there., Do you know how much they cost?, Your school district should have an iep advocator (free), and so should your state's dept of education and dept of special needs. There are volunteer and federally funded legal services and advocators who do not require pay from you., That’s super strange that it’s just her, in my daughters class it’s 10 nonverbal kids with the teacher and 3 aids so every child is getting enough attention :( but yeah it’s not right he’s not getting his education and him being sent out all the time is probably a factor to him not wanting to do work or sit down because it’s not a routine for him. I’m sorry this situation sucks I really hope it gets better when he gets a para that’ll be able to focus solely on him, Before my son had an IEP we had multiple meetings with the principal and his teacher and the school/district special Ed staff. We had a leg up on you because he had had so many issues with school before kindergarten that we had sort of a mini-iep from his preschool. But regardless, those meetings let's us talk about him, talk about his needs, and communicated by our consistency that this wasn't something that could be ignored. Because we did alot of the work before the IEP meeting, that meeting went smoothly and we came out with a plan that's has worked wonderfully for him. Does the district have an autism classroom? That's been amazing for us. He's transitioning out now but it was invaluable for the first several months. My son also has hyperactive adhd and guafacine has made him such a happier kid overall, and made school so much easier. I'd look into it if you haven't., It was free for us and she was able to do it with short notice, which was fortuitous because normally they are booked regularly. I've never heard of someone being charged a fee either. Check for organizations in your area. See if there is an Autism Society or similar. Even if they cannot do it, they may be able to provide you with contacts. Also, start a list of contact numbers, like the Education Ombudsman for your state and possibly district. You shouldn't have to go at this alone. Best wishes.🌻, No but I know that I am broke and can’t afford much of anything, Unfortunately I live in Florida where schools are incredibly short staffed, I mean, I’m not saying anything bad about you or your situation, I can’t afford an attorney either, but I have to to avoid a familiar situation to what your post is about. How much would you pay for a higher quality education, better care for your child and a bit of peace for yourself so you’re not crying. If you absolutely can’t, maybe study up on IEPs, your local laws and what your child is legally entitled to. Good luck., Oh hey! I’m in Florida to so might be able to help some! You should be able to find an iep advocate to assist you. Depending on your county I might be able to help you find what yours is. Also definitely sign up for UCF CARD if you can. They’ll set you up with an autism specialist (all free). They can help you navigate behaviors and also help with resources and the school and finding advocates and resources etc. Feel free to private message me if you want and I might be able to help you look some things up. If you happen to be in Brevard that’s where I am so I know who the IEP advocates are., Thanks so much. I’m going to message you

Food issues

I have 2 sons, 18 year old has autism and ADHD, possibly bipolar and my 11 year old isn't diagnosed yet because he masks and is fairly high functioning. Both are very limited with food. My 11 year old I can cope with as he is a typical beige eater, food not touching etc. My eldest is very underweight and I think has ARFID. He won't eat any of old meals he used too. My food he says is ruined by flavourless meat. I try to season stuff. He can't tell me what he wants so I'm chucking out food and I can't afford it. I'm not a great cook, just used to get by. Now I'm a nervous wreck around meal planning, shopping and cooking. A rejected meal can cause meltdowns. Does anybody need mine sharing some things they make for evening meals please? Hoping to get some new ideas

Maybe have the eldest start to help with cooking? That way he can give feedback on the meals as it's being cooked and tasted as you go. It will also mean he will share the blame if it's not good for his tastes. Edit: have a bit more time to type. People can't convey what they like taste wise without knowing what spices or flavours, or temperature the food is cooked to. And how these factors change the final results. So I do recommend getting them involved in the process. It may end up helping a lot., My spouse and i are autistic, he has ARFID. When he cant eat a meal he drinks ensure and that helps him not loose weight, i gained weight when i was drinking them too. There are cheaper knock offs but they have lactose and my spouse cant eat a lot of dairy. Best wishes to you all, Pasta? Maybe try some of the season blends for meat? They have ones for chicken and steak that I have seen., I hope he will, I keep asking him. He won't even help me online shop or look in recipie books. It's all on me and I can't cope anymore. I don't know what possible food I can try next. Thankyou I will try again to get him to cook. He just gets angry at me and says I haven't taught him survival skills. Not really true I've tried but because he is demand avoidant Ive struggled to get him to do anything for himself, We have ensure but it makes him gag. He can drink protein powder in milk and slimfast. I give him smoothies too, We do have pasta sometimes. I made steak tonight. I thought it was perfect with the seasoning, not over cooked etc but he just looked at it and said no so I had to panic dash to shop before it shut. Every day food is a trauma, You should phrase it this time as his survival skills! Maybe it will change how he approachs it.. Maybe it won't. Basics is having him help with boiling water, peeling veggies, etc. simple stuff that is more universal applicable, Thanks I will definitely try. He could make some things when he was young but claims that's me lying. Maybe he genuinely doesn't remember. He had a lot of school trauma. He doesn't like me lately, well hates me but still still shouts me to get drinks, snacks, do anything. I am trying for his own sake to support him doing more and trying to repair our relationship. It's so upsetting as we were so close until last year, ARFID is extremely dangerous and since he’s already u drew eight you’ll want to get that looked at asap. The problem is that the number of providers trained in effective feeding therapy is extremely limited. Try looking at the SOS feeding therapist directory. In regards to his abusive behavior, I highly recommend ABA. Home ABA if possible, so the interventions can better target his home behavior, and so you can be very involved in the treatments and learn how to change your own behavior to protect your own wellbeing while supporting his growth. The yelling and demanding you do things needs to stop. The feeding is a little trickier because it’s a little more complicated than just implementing some extinction protocols. I know it’s overwhelming and it grinds you down to the point you don’t have the energy to even contemplate solutions. But I’m telling you, doing something now is the only way things will get better. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it does get better., We are in UK so we have terrible health care. I've been fighting for years to get him help. He finally has a Psychologist and OT but hadn't had first appointments yet. The Psychiatrist was awful, threw meds at him that made him vomit untill he lost even more weight, then discharged us. He knows my son gets suicidal ideation, starves and hurts himself but discharged him It's so upsetting. Thanks I hope it gets better too, Maybe have the eldest start to help with cooking? That way he can give feedback on the meals as it's being cooked and tasted as you go. It will also mean he will share the blame if it's not good for his tastes. Edit: have a bit more time to type. People can't convey what they like taste wise without knowing what spices or flavours, or temperature the food is cooked to. And how these factors change the final results. So I do recommend getting them involved in the process. It may end up helping a lot., My spouse and i are autistic, he has ARFID. When he cant eat a meal he drinks ensure and that helps him not loose weight, i gained weight when i was drinking them too. There are cheaper knock offs but they have lactose and my spouse cant eat a lot of dairy. Best wishes to you all, Pasta? Maybe try some of the season blends for meat? They have ones for chicken and steak that I have seen., I hope he will, I keep asking him. He won't even help me online shop or look in recipie books. It's all on me and I can't cope anymore. I don't know what possible food I can try next. Thankyou I will try again to get him to cook. He just gets angry at me and says I haven't taught him survival skills. Not really true I've tried but because he is demand avoidant Ive struggled to get him to do anything for himself, We have ensure but it makes him gag. He can drink protein powder in milk and slimfast. I give him smoothies too, We do have pasta sometimes. I made steak tonight. I thought it was perfect with the seasoning, not over cooked etc but he just looked at it and said no so I had to panic dash to shop before it shut. Every day food is a trauma, You should phrase it this time as his survival skills! Maybe it will change how he approachs it.. Maybe it won't. Basics is having him help with boiling water, peeling veggies, etc. simple stuff that is more universal applicable, Thanks I will definitely try. He could make some things when he was young but claims that's me lying. Maybe he genuinely doesn't remember. He had a lot of school trauma. He doesn't like me lately, well hates me but still still shouts me to get drinks, snacks, do anything. I am trying for his own sake to support him doing more and trying to repair our relationship. It's so upsetting as we were so close until last year, ARFID is extremely dangerous and since he’s already u drew eight you’ll want to get that looked at asap. The problem is that the number of providers trained in effective feeding therapy is extremely limited. Try looking at the SOS feeding therapist directory. In regards to his abusive behavior, I highly recommend ABA. Home ABA if possible, so the interventions can better target his home behavior, and so you can be very involved in the treatments and learn how to change your own behavior to protect your own wellbeing while supporting his growth. The yelling and demanding you do things needs to stop. The feeding is a little trickier because it’s a little more complicated than just implementing some extinction protocols. I know it’s overwhelming and it grinds you down to the point you don’t have the energy to even contemplate solutions. But I’m telling you, doing something now is the only way things will get better. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it does get better., We are in UK so we have terrible health care. I've been fighting for years to get him help. He finally has a Psychologist and OT but hadn't had first appointments yet. The Psychiatrist was awful, threw meds at him that made him vomit untill he lost even more weight, then discharged us. He knows my son gets suicidal ideation, starves and hurts himself but discharged him It's so upsetting. Thanks I hope it gets better too, Maybe have the eldest start to help with cooking? That way he can give feedback on the meals as it's being cooked and tasted as you go. It will also mean he will share the blame if it's not good for his tastes. Edit: have a bit more time to type. People can't convey what they like taste wise without knowing what spices or flavours, or temperature the food is cooked to. And how these factors change the final results. So I do recommend getting them involved in the process. It may end up helping a lot., My spouse and i are autistic, he has ARFID. When he cant eat a meal he drinks ensure and that helps him not loose weight, i gained weight when i was drinking them too. There are cheaper knock offs but they have lactose and my spouse cant eat a lot of dairy. Best wishes to you all, Pasta? Maybe try some of the season blends for meat? They have ones for chicken and steak that I have seen., I hope he will, I keep asking him. He won't even help me online shop or look in recipie books. It's all on me and I can't cope anymore. I don't know what possible food I can try next. Thankyou I will try again to get him to cook. He just gets angry at me and says I haven't taught him survival skills. Not really true I've tried but because he is demand avoidant Ive struggled to get him to do anything for himself, We have ensure but it makes him gag. He can drink protein powder in milk and slimfast. I give him smoothies too, We do have pasta sometimes. I made steak tonight. I thought it was perfect with the seasoning, not over cooked etc but he just looked at it and said no so I had to panic dash to shop before it shut. Every day food is a trauma, You should phrase it this time as his survival skills! Maybe it will change how he approachs it.. Maybe it won't. Basics is having him help with boiling water, peeling veggies, etc. simple stuff that is more universal applicable, Thanks I will definitely try. He could make some things when he was young but claims that's me lying. Maybe he genuinely doesn't remember. He had a lot of school trauma. He doesn't like me lately, well hates me but still still shouts me to get drinks, snacks, do anything. I am trying for his own sake to support him doing more and trying to repair our relationship. It's so upsetting as we were so close until last year, ARFID is extremely dangerous and since he’s already u drew eight you’ll want to get that looked at asap. The problem is that the number of providers trained in effective feeding therapy is extremely limited. Try looking at the SOS feeding therapist directory. In regards to his abusive behavior, I highly recommend ABA. Home ABA if possible, so the interventions can better target his home behavior, and so you can be very involved in the treatments and learn how to change your own behavior to protect your own wellbeing while supporting his growth. The yelling and demanding you do things needs to stop. The feeding is a little trickier because it’s a little more complicated than just implementing some extinction protocols. I know it’s overwhelming and it grinds you down to the point you don’t have the energy to even contemplate solutions. But I’m telling you, doing something now is the only way things will get better. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it does get better., We are in UK so we have terrible health care. I've been fighting for years to get him help. He finally has a Psychologist and OT but hadn't had first appointments yet. The Psychiatrist was awful, threw meds at him that made him vomit untill he lost even more weight, then discharged us. He knows my son gets suicidal ideation, starves and hurts himself but discharged him It's so upsetting. Thanks I hope it gets better too, Maybe have the eldest start to help with cooking? That way he can give feedback on the meals as it's being cooked and tasted as you go. It will also mean he will share the blame if it's not good for his tastes. Edit: have a bit more time to type. People can't convey what they like taste wise without knowing what spices or flavours, or temperature the food is cooked to. And how these factors change the final results. So I do recommend getting them involved in the process. It may end up helping a lot., My spouse and i are autistic, he has ARFID. When he cant eat a meal he drinks ensure and that helps him not loose weight, i gained weight when i was drinking them too. There are cheaper knock offs but they have lactose and my spouse cant eat a lot of dairy. Best wishes to you all, Pasta? Maybe try some of the season blends for meat? They have ones for chicken and steak that I have seen., I hope he will, I keep asking him. He won't even help me online shop or look in recipie books. It's all on me and I can't cope anymore. I don't know what possible food I can try next. Thankyou I will try again to get him to cook. He just gets angry at me and says I haven't taught him survival skills. Not really true I've tried but because he is demand avoidant Ive struggled to get him to do anything for himself, We have ensure but it makes him gag. He can drink protein powder in milk and slimfast. I give him smoothies too, We do have pasta sometimes. I made steak tonight. I thought it was perfect with the seasoning, not over cooked etc but he just looked at it and said no so I had to panic dash to shop before it shut. Every day food is a trauma, You should phrase it this time as his survival skills! Maybe it will change how he approachs it.. Maybe it won't. Basics is having him help with boiling water, peeling veggies, etc. simple stuff that is more universal applicable, Thanks I will definitely try. He could make some things when he was young but claims that's me lying. Maybe he genuinely doesn't remember. He had a lot of school trauma. He doesn't like me lately, well hates me but still still shouts me to get drinks, snacks, do anything. I am trying for his own sake to support him doing more and trying to repair our relationship. It's so upsetting as we were so close until last year, ARFID is extremely dangerous and since he’s already u drew eight you’ll want to get that looked at asap. The problem is that the number of providers trained in effective feeding therapy is extremely limited. Try looking at the SOS feeding therapist directory. In regards to his abusive behavior, I highly recommend ABA. Home ABA if possible, so the interventions can better target his home behavior, and so you can be very involved in the treatments and learn how to change your own behavior to protect your own wellbeing while supporting his growth. The yelling and demanding you do things needs to stop. The feeding is a little trickier because it’s a little more complicated than just implementing some extinction protocols. I know it’s overwhelming and it grinds you down to the point you don’t have the energy to even contemplate solutions. But I’m telling you, doing something now is the only way things will get better. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it does get better., We are in UK so we have terrible health care. I've been fighting for years to get him help. He finally has a Psychologist and OT but hadn't had first appointments yet. The Psychiatrist was awful, threw meds at him that made him vomit untill he lost even more weight, then discharged us. He knows my son gets suicidal ideation, starves and hurts himself but discharged him It's so upsetting. Thanks I hope it gets better too

For parents who are past the toddler age…

Does it get better? My son has always been the schedule following, sweet, happy boy that parents dream of. Suddenly after turning three, he’s a mess. He seems unregulated constantly but can’t tell me what’s getting to him. Our normal fixes don’t do it for him anymore. He pushes and hits us and is constantly getting into things that he knows are not for him (work desks, kitchen drawers with sharp objects in them). He also attempts to run away any time he sees a chance. I used to be able to talk to him and get him to understand what I was telling him, but now he just scripts over me talking to him and refuses to focus on me. It’s like talking to a wall and it drives me crazy. He also makes noise every second of the day. It doesn’t even make sense. He’s so lost in scripts and he can’t pronounce any of the words well enough for me to even tell what it is he’s saying. Will I ever get my happy kid back or is this it?

So we’re way past toddler age and into our early 20s. My girl is nonverbal and would be level 3, I suppose. She’s fabulous. She makes me laugh everyday and I love our life together. Lots of phases are tough. One thing will get easier and another thing will get harder or a new thing will surface. Your little guy will make great progress, it just may not always be linear. Try not to be so hard on him or yourself. Just give the best you can each day - some days the best you can do is lots of screen time and letting them eat whatever and other days you’ll be a parent/super hero. Just keep taking it as it comes ❤️, We are going through this now at 5.5 but I think it’s a phase. My sons been developing a lot more language and independence which seems to make his patience lower and tantrums higher But I think it will eventually level off I have a typical 7 year old too and don’t find myself worried when he goes through rough weeks, but with my ASD one it’s easy to always think this will be permanent., I'm like halfway through 5 years old and definitely find it easier than 3 and 4 so far. We started him in ABA right after his 5th birthday, so I'm not sure if he grew out of some of.his old behaviors or if it's more attributed to ABA. Probably a bit of both., Yes. Ours is 6 and is thriving in first grade. He still has a lot of vocal stimming at home, but he keeps it in check at school., In my experience, the ages of about 2.5 to about 5.5 were the worst. For both of my kids — one on the spectrum, one not. (the NT kid was worse!) I wouldn’t go back to that period for anything. They have entered the stage of wanting independence with almost no skills of self-control. Add to that that kids with ASD often just don’t give a shit what people think about them or about pleasing anyone (not that NT kids are necessarily big on that either). It gets better. You gotta just survive this., I always recommend exploring GI issues. Maybe constipation... My younger son was an absolute mess on an escalating medication regimen until an OT brought up diet. After some experimentation, we realized he has problems with gluten.  He's on a gluten free diet and much calmer, not aggressive, sleeps better, the benefits have been endless..night and day difference.  He is also less impulsive and getting into things. , My boy is now 13. 2-6 yrs. were the hardest for him. Therapy, and meds have changed him into a different kid.  He's Lvl 3 Nonverbal AUDHD for reference. He's making leaps and bounds every day. Some years are just harder like with NT kids. We're heading into puberty, so I'm expecting a couple of tough ones. But it will pass, just like all the other stressful times did.  If your son has ADHD, he needs meds for it or he'll continue emotionally deregulated and unable to focus. GL and remember it's absolutely is going to get better. Hang in there! Your boy is going to blow you away! , Almost the entire year our son was three, it was awful. Screaming all the time, started having meltdowns that he had never had before. Since he’s been four, that’s mostly gone away. He has bad days now and then, but he’s doing so much better., Three is such a tough age even for NT kids. Maybe he’s hitting the “I’m going to push all the boundaries” stage late? This sounds more like stuff my almost 2 year old is doing (we’ve no idea if she’s ASD or not, but likely NT) - trying to get into all the things she knows she shouldn’t, escaping out the gates every chance she can get, throwing fits or crying when she can’t have something she wants, etc. I’m so sorry this a rough time. I wish I had better advice to give you. Do you have an ASD professional of any kind you can talk to? Maybe they know some techniques or strategies that you could try. Best of luck!, Maybe mine was harder for longer because of the comorbid ADHD, but my 8 year old daughter has only just in the last year or two been pretty decent without her ADHD medicine. I distinctly remember her eloping while trying to load her in the car to go to Kindergarten. There were many times she had to be carried kicking and screaming to go to school. One memorable time that she spit on me. She mostly just tries to refuse to do something or go somewhere if it isn't how she wants it until I can talk her down. I guess that's progress?, Ours is almost 5 and it’s like he’s a different kid. At 3 he was getting dysregulated a lot and like you said, hard to understand what he wanted and how to soothe. Now he is not only much more communicative and can tell us what is wrong but he also tries really hard to soothe himself and calm himself down when upset or in a mood. Although he is not always successful (for example he woke up at 3 am yesterday and couldn’t get himself back to sleep), we’re very proud of him for his growth in executive function and self control. It’s really a pleasure to watch him develop. He is also able to sit still for much longer. For example, we practice reading and writing each morning for 12 minutes and he is able to get through the lesson without having a meltdown, even on the days he is not particularly enthusiastic about it. He wouldn’t have been able to do that even six months ago, Turning 3 is hard even for NT kids. Ever hear of the term “threenager”? It’s a thing. My son turned into a bit of a demon when he turned 3 - tantrums for the first time, protesting everything, intentionally misbehaving and laughing at it. At 3y7m we started seeing huge improvements in all areas. We still have terrible days here, but many more great moments than bad now. Hang in there. It will get better. I hear about 4.5 they get a lot better behaved in typically developing kids so I hope that the behavioral challenges are over then for us too. I also try to be patient knowing that a lot of his challenging behaviors are due to him developing the capacity to behave in ways he couldn’t before. Progress, in a sense, even if it is unpleasant., So we’re way past toddler age and into our early 20s. My girl is nonverbal and would be level 3, I suppose. She’s fabulous. She makes me laugh everyday and I love our life together. Lots of phases are tough. One thing will get easier and another thing will get harder or a new thing will surface. Your little guy will make great progress, it just may not always be linear. Try not to be so hard on him or yourself. Just give the best you can each day - some days the best you can do is lots of screen time and letting them eat whatever and other days you’ll be a parent/super hero. Just keep taking it as it comes ❤️, We are going through this now at 5.5 but I think it’s a phase. My sons been developing a lot more language and independence which seems to make his patience lower and tantrums higher But I think it will eventually level off I have a typical 7 year old too and don’t find myself worried when he goes through rough weeks, but with my ASD one it’s easy to always think this will be permanent., I'm like halfway through 5 years old and definitely find it easier than 3 and 4 so far. We started him in ABA right after his 5th birthday, so I'm not sure if he grew out of some of.his old behaviors or if it's more attributed to ABA. Probably a bit of both., Yes. Ours is 6 and is thriving in first grade. He still has a lot of vocal stimming at home, but he keeps it in check at school., In my experience, the ages of about 2.5 to about 5.5 were the worst. For both of my kids — one on the spectrum, one not. (the NT kid was worse!) I wouldn’t go back to that period for anything. They have entered the stage of wanting independence with almost no skills of self-control. Add to that that kids with ASD often just don’t give a shit what people think about them or about pleasing anyone (not that NT kids are necessarily big on that either). It gets better. You gotta just survive this., I always recommend exploring GI issues. Maybe constipation... My younger son was an absolute mess on an escalating medication regimen until an OT brought up diet. After some experimentation, we realized he has problems with gluten.  He's on a gluten free diet and much calmer, not aggressive, sleeps better, the benefits have been endless..night and day difference.  He is also less impulsive and getting into things. , My boy is now 13. 2-6 yrs. were the hardest for him. Therapy, and meds have changed him into a different kid.  He's Lvl 3 Nonverbal AUDHD for reference. He's making leaps and bounds every day. Some years are just harder like with NT kids. We're heading into puberty, so I'm expecting a couple of tough ones. But it will pass, just like all the other stressful times did.  If your son has ADHD, he needs meds for it or he'll continue emotionally deregulated and unable to focus. GL and remember it's absolutely is going to get better. Hang in there! Your boy is going to blow you away! , Almost the entire year our son was three, it was awful. Screaming all the time, started having meltdowns that he had never had before. Since he’s been four, that’s mostly gone away. He has bad days now and then, but he’s doing so much better., Three is such a tough age even for NT kids. Maybe he’s hitting the “I’m going to push all the boundaries” stage late? This sounds more like stuff my almost 2 year old is doing (we’ve no idea if she’s ASD or not, but likely NT) - trying to get into all the things she knows she shouldn’t, escaping out the gates every chance she can get, throwing fits or crying when she can’t have something she wants, etc. I’m so sorry this a rough time. I wish I had better advice to give you. Do you have an ASD professional of any kind you can talk to? Maybe they know some techniques or strategies that you could try. Best of luck!, Maybe mine was harder for longer because of the comorbid ADHD, but my 8 year old daughter has only just in the last year or two been pretty decent without her ADHD medicine. I distinctly remember her eloping while trying to load her in the car to go to Kindergarten. There were many times she had to be carried kicking and screaming to go to school. One memorable time that she spit on me. She mostly just tries to refuse to do something or go somewhere if it isn't how she wants it until I can talk her down. I guess that's progress?, Ours is almost 5 and it’s like he’s a different kid. At 3 he was getting dysregulated a lot and like you said, hard to understand what he wanted and how to soothe. Now he is not only much more communicative and can tell us what is wrong but he also tries really hard to soothe himself and calm himself down when upset or in a mood. Although he is not always successful (for example he woke up at 3 am yesterday and couldn’t get himself back to sleep), we’re very proud of him for his growth in executive function and self control. It’s really a pleasure to watch him develop. He is also able to sit still for much longer. For example, we practice reading and writing each morning for 12 minutes and he is able to get through the lesson without having a meltdown, even on the days he is not particularly enthusiastic about it. He wouldn’t have been able to do that even six months ago, Turning 3 is hard even for NT kids. Ever hear of the term “threenager”? It’s a thing. My son turned into a bit of a demon when he turned 3 - tantrums for the first time, protesting everything, intentionally misbehaving and laughing at it. At 3y7m we started seeing huge improvements in all areas. We still have terrible days here, but many more great moments than bad now. Hang in there. It will get better. I hear about 4.5 they get a lot better behaved in typically developing kids so I hope that the behavioral challenges are over then for us too. I also try to be patient knowing that a lot of his challenging behaviors are due to him developing the capacity to behave in ways he couldn’t before. Progress, in a sense, even if it is unpleasant., So we’re way past toddler age and into our early 20s. My girl is nonverbal and would be level 3, I suppose. She’s fabulous. She makes me laugh everyday and I love our life together. Lots of phases are tough. One thing will get easier and another thing will get harder or a new thing will surface. Your little guy will make great progress, it just may not always be linear. Try not to be so hard on him or yourself. Just give the best you can each day - some days the best you can do is lots of screen time and letting them eat whatever and other days you’ll be a parent/super hero. Just keep taking it as it comes ❤️, We are going through this now at 5.5 but I think it’s a phase. My sons been developing a lot more language and independence which seems to make his patience lower and tantrums higher But I think it will eventually level off I have a typical 7 year old too and don’t find myself worried when he goes through rough weeks, but with my ASD one it’s easy to always think this will be permanent., I'm like halfway through 5 years old and definitely find it easier than 3 and 4 so far. We started him in ABA right after his 5th birthday, so I'm not sure if he grew out of some of.his old behaviors or if it's more attributed to ABA. Probably a bit of both., Yes. Ours is 6 and is thriving in first grade. He still has a lot of vocal stimming at home, but he keeps it in check at school., In my experience, the ages of about 2.5 to about 5.5 were the worst. For both of my kids — one on the spectrum, one not. (the NT kid was worse!) I wouldn’t go back to that period for anything. They have entered the stage of wanting independence with almost no skills of self-control. Add to that that kids with ASD often just don’t give a shit what people think about them or about pleasing anyone (not that NT kids are necessarily big on that either). It gets better. You gotta just survive this., I always recommend exploring GI issues. Maybe constipation... My younger son was an absolute mess on an escalating medication regimen until an OT brought up diet. After some experimentation, we realized he has problems with gluten.  He's on a gluten free diet and much calmer, not aggressive, sleeps better, the benefits have been endless..night and day difference.  He is also less impulsive and getting into things. , My boy is now 13. 2-6 yrs. were the hardest for him. Therapy, and meds have changed him into a different kid.  He's Lvl 3 Nonverbal AUDHD for reference. He's making leaps and bounds every day. Some years are just harder like with NT kids. We're heading into puberty, so I'm expecting a couple of tough ones. But it will pass, just like all the other stressful times did.  If your son has ADHD, he needs meds for it or he'll continue emotionally deregulated and unable to focus. GL and remember it's absolutely is going to get better. Hang in there! Your boy is going to blow you away! , Almost the entire year our son was three, it was awful. Screaming all the time, started having meltdowns that he had never had before. Since he’s been four, that’s mostly gone away. He has bad days now and then, but he’s doing so much better., Three is such a tough age even for NT kids. Maybe he’s hitting the “I’m going to push all the boundaries” stage late? This sounds more like stuff my almost 2 year old is doing (we’ve no idea if she’s ASD or not, but likely NT) - trying to get into all the things she knows she shouldn’t, escaping out the gates every chance she can get, throwing fits or crying when she can’t have something she wants, etc. I’m so sorry this a rough time. I wish I had better advice to give you. Do you have an ASD professional of any kind you can talk to? Maybe they know some techniques or strategies that you could try. Best of luck!, Maybe mine was harder for longer because of the comorbid ADHD, but my 8 year old daughter has only just in the last year or two been pretty decent without her ADHD medicine. I distinctly remember her eloping while trying to load her in the car to go to Kindergarten. There were many times she had to be carried kicking and screaming to go to school. One memorable time that she spit on me. She mostly just tries to refuse to do something or go somewhere if it isn't how she wants it until I can talk her down. I guess that's progress?, Ours is almost 5 and it’s like he’s a different kid. At 3 he was getting dysregulated a lot and like you said, hard to understand what he wanted and how to soothe. Now he is not only much more communicative and can tell us what is wrong but he also tries really hard to soothe himself and calm himself down when upset or in a mood. Although he is not always successful (for example he woke up at 3 am yesterday and couldn’t get himself back to sleep), we’re very proud of him for his growth in executive function and self control. It’s really a pleasure to watch him develop. He is also able to sit still for much longer. For example, we practice reading and writing each morning for 12 minutes and he is able to get through the lesson without having a meltdown, even on the days he is not particularly enthusiastic about it. He wouldn’t have been able to do that even six months ago, Turning 3 is hard even for NT kids. Ever hear of the term “threenager”? It’s a thing. My son turned into a bit of a demon when he turned 3 - tantrums for the first time, protesting everything, intentionally misbehaving and laughing at it. At 3y7m we started seeing huge improvements in all areas. We still have terrible days here, but many more great moments than bad now. Hang in there. It will get better. I hear about 4.5 they get a lot better behaved in typically developing kids so I hope that the behavioral challenges are over then for us too. I also try to be patient knowing that a lot of his challenging behaviors are due to him developing the capacity to behave in ways he couldn’t before. Progress, in a sense, even if it is unpleasant., So we’re way past toddler age and into our early 20s. My girl is nonverbal and would be level 3, I suppose. She’s fabulous. She makes me laugh everyday and I love our life together. Lots of phases are tough. One thing will get easier and another thing will get harder or a new thing will surface. Your little guy will make great progress, it just may not always be linear. Try not to be so hard on him or yourself. Just give the best you can each day - some days the best you can do is lots of screen time and letting them eat whatever and other days you’ll be a parent/super hero. Just keep taking it as it comes ❤️, We are going through this now at 5.5 but I think it’s a phase. My sons been developing a lot more language and independence which seems to make his patience lower and tantrums higher But I think it will eventually level off I have a typical 7 year old too and don’t find myself worried when he goes through rough weeks, but with my ASD one it’s easy to always think this will be permanent., I'm like halfway through 5 years old and definitely find it easier than 3 and 4 so far. We started him in ABA right after his 5th birthday, so I'm not sure if he grew out of some of.his old behaviors or if it's more attributed to ABA. Probably a bit of both., Yes. Ours is 6 and is thriving in first grade. He still has a lot of vocal stimming at home, but he keeps it in check at school., In my experience, the ages of about 2.5 to about 5.5 were the worst. For both of my kids — one on the spectrum, one not. (the NT kid was worse!) I wouldn’t go back to that period for anything. They have entered the stage of wanting independence with almost no skills of self-control. Add to that that kids with ASD often just don’t give a shit what people think about them or about pleasing anyone (not that NT kids are necessarily big on that either). It gets better. You gotta just survive this., I always recommend exploring GI issues. Maybe constipation... My younger son was an absolute mess on an escalating medication regimen until an OT brought up diet. After some experimentation, we realized he has problems with gluten.  He's on a gluten free diet and much calmer, not aggressive, sleeps better, the benefits have been endless..night and day difference.  He is also less impulsive and getting into things. , My boy is now 13. 2-6 yrs. were the hardest for him. Therapy, and meds have changed him into a different kid.  He's Lvl 3 Nonverbal AUDHD for reference. He's making leaps and bounds every day. Some years are just harder like with NT kids. We're heading into puberty, so I'm expecting a couple of tough ones. But it will pass, just like all the other stressful times did.  If your son has ADHD, he needs meds for it or he'll continue emotionally deregulated and unable to focus. GL and remember it's absolutely is going to get better. Hang in there! Your boy is going to blow you away! , Almost the entire year our son was three, it was awful. Screaming all the time, started having meltdowns that he had never had before. Since he’s been four, that’s mostly gone away. He has bad days now and then, but he’s doing so much better., Three is such a tough age even for NT kids. Maybe he’s hitting the “I’m going to push all the boundaries” stage late? This sounds more like stuff my almost 2 year old is doing (we’ve no idea if she’s ASD or not, but likely NT) - trying to get into all the things she knows she shouldn’t, escaping out the gates every chance she can get, throwing fits or crying when she can’t have something she wants, etc. I’m so sorry this a rough time. I wish I had better advice to give you. Do you have an ASD professional of any kind you can talk to? Maybe they know some techniques or strategies that you could try. Best of luck!, Maybe mine was harder for longer because of the comorbid ADHD, but my 8 year old daughter has only just in the last year or two been pretty decent without her ADHD medicine. I distinctly remember her eloping while trying to load her in the car to go to Kindergarten. There were many times she had to be carried kicking and screaming to go to school. One memorable time that she spit on me. She mostly just tries to refuse to do something or go somewhere if it isn't how she wants it until I can talk her down. I guess that's progress?, Ours is almost 5 and it’s like he’s a different kid. At 3 he was getting dysregulated a lot and like you said, hard to understand what he wanted and how to soothe. Now he is not only much more communicative and can tell us what is wrong but he also tries really hard to soothe himself and calm himself down when upset or in a mood. Although he is not always successful (for example he woke up at 3 am yesterday and couldn’t get himself back to sleep), we’re very proud of him for his growth in executive function and self control. It’s really a pleasure to watch him develop. He is also able to sit still for much longer. For example, we practice reading and writing each morning for 12 minutes and he is able to get through the lesson without having a meltdown, even on the days he is not particularly enthusiastic about it. He wouldn’t have been able to do that even six months ago, Turning 3 is hard even for NT kids. Ever hear of the term “threenager”? It’s a thing. My son turned into a bit of a demon when he turned 3 - tantrums for the first time, protesting everything, intentionally misbehaving and laughing at it. At 3y7m we started seeing huge improvements in all areas. We still have terrible days here, but many more great moments than bad now. Hang in there. It will get better. I hear about 4.5 they get a lot better behaved in typically developing kids so I hope that the behavioral challenges are over then for us too. I also try to be patient knowing that a lot of his challenging behaviors are due to him developing the capacity to behave in ways he couldn’t before. Progress, in a sense, even if it is unpleasant.

Found out that teacher was picking on my daughter

My daughter is high-functioning but does not tell us very much about her day to day experiences at school. Often when she does tell us something, it is in great detail but months or years after the fact. Anyhow, my husband took her to a pool party this summer that included other kids from her music class. Two of the parents came up to my husband and asked how daughter was doing after all the bullying from her teacher last year. Those kids had told their parents that the teacher would frequently pick on daughter until she cried and that they felt sorry for her. I am beyond livid. This is a music class where daughter has made All Region for the last two years. On the last day of school, the teacher posted results of the try-outs for next year and moved daughter down a level. We have a meeting scheduled with the principal and her case manager. I am also filing an ethics complaint against the teacher with the Texas Music Educators Association. Daughter does not want to do music again this year as she has now told us that she doesn’t feel safe with the director. Is there anything else we should be doing? Should I also file a complaint against the Assistant Director who was in the room but failed to intervene?

I think get a lawyer, This is something I fear. My son tells me very little about what happens at school. He’ll tell me now something that happened years ago. It’s very frustrating., This is what we all prepare for. Time to fight and advocate for your kid. The process wont be fun... but man is it needed. Consult a lawyer (or atleast start with r/legaladvice) Also agreed with the other poster - get accounts from the kids in writing or better yet audio recordings (if parents agree). Good luck and thank you for paving the way for us parents with younger kids, I would see if you can get exactly what other students saw put down in writing. This is a hard ask as some parents may be afraid of retaliation or getting involved, but the more data you have the better. I’d also consider taking an advocate to the meeting with you., i do appreciate that the other kids were looking out for your child though. make sure you do focus on that a little with your kid. The other kids do care and that's important to recognize!, If music is a special interest for her, I'd maybe try and find alternate classes or something so she can still have it be a positive experience and keep practicing and having objective feedback. Also, if her levels are important (like is she good enough for music to be a career possibility in some way), I'd look into having her re-tested to see if the music teacher was being biased in their assessment. Edited to add: Yes, absolutely file a complaint about the other adult who witnessed this all go down and did nothing about it. I get not wanting to get involved in other's business and self-preservation and all, but adult vs. child is not exactly something you turn a blind eye to., Does she have an IEP? If she does you can make a claim that the school isn't is interfering with her access to education. It's a civil rights case at that point and Texas law don't mean squat., My kid’s nonverbal and shit like this terrifies me., Legality may vary by state, but one could always drop a small audio recording device in the backpack to get an idea of what your child is facing on a given day. You could tell your child about it, but to not mention it to anyone., Thats awful! Make them pay., I’d strike down with great vengeance and furious anger! HATE teachers who are petty tyrants., Something similar happened to myself when I was a child (this is like the 90's). I made regional teams (that the teacher didn't tell me about and I only learned about when I saw my name in the brochure while watching my brother perform) meanwhile the teacher spent days yelling at me and called me a retard. We reported him to the district. I wish we had done more, because he eventually became the principal of the middle school and implemented horrible policies that resulted in some kids not getting to eat lunch (they made honors kids split their lunch time to half periods and those of us who had 8th period lunch and were in the second half wouldn't get to the cafeteria until they closed for the day)., I’m in Texas. Things like this scare the hell out of me! It is also possible to file a complaint in writing to TEA (Texas Education Agency). If your daughter has an Autism diagnosis as well, this would be a violation of her rights under the Texas Education Code. You could also file a grievance with the district. I would definitely hire a lawyer and document everything! Good luck to you. I am so sorry this happened to her!, https://www.yellowpagesforkids.com/help/tx.htm It's a bit dated but TX advocates and disability lawyers https://prntexas.org/about-prn/ A Texas advocate group they should be able to give you state specific information Wrightslaw.com A great iep and advocacy place to start, [removed], https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8L7L5UP/, I’m sorry this happened to her. Try to get some specifics about what she was doing, how often etc. Set up an emergency PPT with your daughter’s case manager, the music teacher’s direct supervisor, the assistant director and the music director herself. I have an advocate for my son ( a lawyer with a SPED background). You can bring this person to the emergency PPT but in my state this person is invited and listed as an attendee. Tell them you want to record the meeting and use your phone to record. It will be hard to get anywhere without the music director’s side. The principal is likely to thank you for the meeting and tell you they need to talk to the music director. Get everyone together all at once., That is uncalled for I have autism myself, The fact that other children noticed she was being picked on, enough to tell their parents. Is appealing. Kids are oblivious. I agree with others that you should get a lawyer., Definitely try to see if those kids will act as witness, I don't have any advice. But I am so terribly sorry that your daughter and family are going through this. My heart hurts for you. I hope that teacher gets fired, please give them hell., I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m even more sorry your child has had to experience this. It’s an exhausting road you are on. My daughter was at a public school in AZ in a gifted program when we had our first real bullying/abusive teacher. This woman should never have been in education and people loved her. She would verbally and emotionally abuse kids in front of the entire class and alone. She was a very hateful woman behind a fake smile while parents were there. She brought a 9 yr old to the point of suicidal thoughts. My daughter reported things to me at the beginning of the year that bothered me and eventually lead me to ask questions at conferences. My daughter was then verbally punished in front of the class and told she didn’t deserve a rating she had given herself on a self rating form because she spoke to her parents about what went on in the classroom! This was only the beginning. It lead to removing both of our kids from the school finally. The principal was giving me the runaround and lying. She began badmouthing me to other parents. I had to reach out to other parents to find out what was really going on. It was so exhausting. It was also surprising how many parents were aware and didn’t think to do anything about it. She was literally calling kids stupid. The superintendent for that area refused to do anything. What I basically learned is that teachers are protected by laws. Children are not and the school has no responsibility to protect children even from abusive teachers. They also illegally removed my daughter from a gifted class without notifying us because they were protecting and believing the teacher. Sigh. I wish I would’ve known to trust myself better when I was in it. If a lawyer will help you take it. Idk if a lawyer would’ve actually been able to help in our situation. This district is huge and really messed up. We switched home schooled until the kids wanted to go back and then put them in a different district., I teach music and there are basically two types: the supportive and mostly kind teacher that occasionally applies pressure for results and the sadist. I’ve personally encountered both many times as a student. I think you should speak to the principal first as this person has the power to reprimand her directly. I would file the grievance with the TEA as your child is protected as an individual with a disability, ASD. I would also be concerned the principal may rug sweep this because they have a tendency to do that. You must first decide what you want to do. I personally would go straight to TEA and ask for the persons head on a platter but that’s just me speaking as both a mom and an experienced music educator. Reducing a child to tears intentionally is unforgivable as a music teacher because we are entrusted with so much. I can’t stress how damaging this is to children and even adults and it breaks my heart to know your child had this happen. Music class is oftentimes the place where neurodivergent kids sparkle. Does your child have an IEP? If so, there are so many avenues you can take to file grievances. I have personally seen certain music teachers tactics and I’m normally not one to jump the gun but I have been there too many times now. TMEA won’t do anything but suspend their membership which in the long run may effect this teacher as she won’t be allowed to enter students into competition but you really want to be taking this up with the TEA as they have the power to censure or even suspend their teaching license., My three year old came home from daycare and said his teacher pinched him because he wouldn’t sleep and there was a bruise on his arm 😔 he doesn’t mean to be difficult, And document *everything.*, Why a lawyer? To sue the school or teacher?, We have talked to some of the other parents at the music school and apparently she does this every year. One thing I am going to ask for is that neither teacher be unsupervised around children during the investigation., seconding getting the others kids (or their parents) to put it in writing, She is 13 and started private lessons when she was 4. She can easily make All Region, and could probably make All-Area if she really worked on it but she is never going to be a professional musician. (She loves graphic design, and has some chops, but her current career goal is to be a YouTuber), Interfering with the implementation of an IEP is a civil rights matter and state laws don't apply. That she was winning awards and now doesn't want to even participate is a pretty drastic change and with witnesses the school, teacher and principal. DONT MEET WITH THE SCHOOL UNTIL YOU HAVE TALKED TO AN ATTORNEY, I’ve done this before and I’m ALL for going PI on people but just be aware that if you plan to use those audio recordings in court, they may be thrown out as evidence if all parties are not aware and consenting to being recorded., To add: this teacher bullied me and another student in front of other teachers. While he was moved from that specific teaching position it didn't get him fired. Times are different now so who knows, but I also would strongly suggest a lawyer since odds are the teacher via their union will have several., This comment/post was removed for not being kind or courteous . Please do not repost this comment/post. Repeated violations will result in a ban., Where is the bus driver, Yes. She has an IEP. She doesn’t want to take music again this year as she doesn’t feel safe with either of the directors. I have no reservations about salting the earth at this point. The TMEA complaint would be specifically to keep her from entering students in UIL. (She is very proud of her winning streak at UIL and she tells some of her students that they are “not UIL material.”) I looked at the TEA website and it looks like we would have to do a local grievance first. I am not familiar with filing a grievance via the IEP process. Do you think that would be more effective than a TEA complaint? Or is this something where I can do both?, Anything that’s discussed should be put in writing even if it means writing an email after the meeting to summarize what was discussed in your own words. This was taught to me by my therapist whose day job is a social worker director., Essentially both. She would have a case to sue the district., Isn't that every kid's dream these days? My 12yo waffles between that and wanting to design video games. I guess my generation every one said they wanted to be a pop star or movie star. And later NBA superstar., If she makes some videos about the audition process for All Region and her daily practice routine it would probably get a lot of views. There are lots of high schoolers who have a small following talking about things like AP art portfolios and other extracurriculars., State laws apply to where and when you can record someone., I am so Sorry I just word vomited on your comment at 3am but that tiktok and your comment really brought it out in me. If you don't feel like reading, please just ignore this. Honestly if it's done like my son's school district in Nevada. They stop, calm the upset kid down and then keep driving, then stop, calm the upset kid down, keep going. Typically though that only has one or maybe two chances in my district before school police/school principal are called out to the parked bus to take the offending student home, arrest them or give a citation if over 10. I would have to look into this more but I wonder if the 100 attacks were over multiple days? Even if the driver couldn't restrain, they could have parked and got one of the students off the bus? They are all back on the bus the next day if they don't get suspended, to do it all over again. I personally go back and forth between keeping him home or driving him when it gets to him. I am incredibly familiar with the protocol because my son is in and has been in a program for kids with behavioral problems. Sometimes he was the offending student, Victim and sometimes he gets to watch it all play out. Last year they finally had to put a bus aid on the bus. It took them til October to find a permanent driver even until a sub driver had decided to stick around and he did a good job with them. They did not have one in the beginning, it took an elderly bus driver getting assaulted. On the bad times, it's multiple times a week Year before last my son's teacher and I begged transportation for an aid. The supervisor that oversees it, wasn't having it because there were other students who needed the aides even more. She offered a window covering because he hits himself on the window on occasion, but then he won't be able to see out. As a hail Mary the classroom aide volunteered her time to be an aid on their bus. Even then transportation was not really liking it but had to say yes. I worry about a driver getting assaulted while the bus is moving. I have tried every alternative to having my son on the bus and it's the only consistent way to get him to school. He has improved a 10 times over in the last year, so hopefully he can transfer to a different type of program for kids with autism when his attendance improves but that doesn't solve the problem. My youngest who is non verbal is in a program for kids with autism as well but so far his program has none of these issues. Still no aide on the bus though. Sometimes with younger kids they might implement a star harness but that's a last resort. When 3rd/4th grade starts then they wouldn't be able to use it and think most parents aren't gonna go for it. Never had much of an issue beyond staffing at school and the teachers, aides and drivers are great. This is fully on the school district. My only other big issue was again district policy that they had to follow this terrible policy to pull my son out of gen education, even when he was a danger to himself and other students. They didn't have an ability to opt-out, Bus driver thought she was just fussy, That seems a little premature, given that they don’t even know the outcome of the ethics complaints, no? Our society has become so litigious that anytime someone is wronged their first thought goes to who can they sue. I’m a lawyer and can tell you that litigation is not only costly, it’s also an extremely unpleasant process. It is neither a swift nor efficient means of seeking redress for grievances, and substantive issues often take a backseat to technicalities and procedural minutiae. It should be a means of last resort for seeking to hold someone accountable or effect change. In my opinion anyway., My 12 year old won't admit it currently but yeah Gaming YouTuber or video editor/music creator (no idea what the word for that is) like the stuff you find on no copyright sounds, anything electronic music. I remember there for a few years in the 90s all the girls were gonna be the first woman president if Hilary Clinton didn't beat us to it. Veterinarian was really popular too. Then the stuff like you said, I think I wanted to be a softball player for a hot minute., Thank you for sharing your experience and bus protocols. It was very informative!, https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8N1audY/, Oh wow....thanks for sharing, Yeah. I was going to be an oceanographer. Went to college, got a useless degree, had a shit job and then around age 25 I had an oh-shit-I-need-to-earn-a-living moment and went into IT., There are more vids on her tik tok plus the news reel is on YouTube search Jody Barr the longest ride, Thanks for sharing....my heart breaks looking at that video.

Genetic Testing... Even After IVF/Carrier Screening + PGT-A?

Hi all - First time posting here. My son 2YO was recently diagnosed and it was recommended by neurologist we do genetic testing. We did IVF with carrier screenings and did PGT testing on the embryo, so I am just wondering what the difference is between all that testing and this? Do I really need it if I have a diagnosis already? What more can it help me? There's something about it that makes me feel uneasy. Thanks!

Hey! IVF mom here, too! We also did PGT. PGT tests for major chromosome issues, not tiny issues like microdeletions. We knew, and you know, that your son doesn't have something like Fragile X, because of that testing, but you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative., >ut you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. > >The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative Thanks! Great info. And how long did it take to get results?, I honestly can't remember. I think several weeks., Hey! IVF mom here, too! We also did PGT. PGT tests for major chromosome issues, not tiny issues like microdeletions. We knew, and you know, that your son doesn't have something like Fragile X, because of that testing, but you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative., >ut you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. > >The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative Thanks! Great info. And how long did it take to get results?, I honestly can't remember. I think several weeks., Hey! IVF mom here, too! We also did PGT. PGT tests for major chromosome issues, not tiny issues like microdeletions. We knew, and you know, that your son doesn't have something like Fragile X, because of that testing, but you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative., >ut you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. > >The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative Thanks! Great info. And how long did it take to get results?, I honestly can't remember. I think several weeks., Hey! IVF mom here, too! We also did PGT. PGT tests for major chromosome issues, not tiny issues like microdeletions. We knew, and you know, that your son doesn't have something like Fragile X, because of that testing, but you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative., >ut you don't know about the tiny stuff. The genetic testing you could do now would be a microarray, and would see those types of things not detected by PGT. > >The benefit to knowing if your son has a microdeletion would be if there is much known about that specific deletion, and also if it would be inherited by kids he might have. Some microdeletions can also cause seizure disorders or are associated with other problems, like heart conditions. We opted to do the microarray and he was negative Thanks! Great info. And how long did it take to get results?, I honestly can't remember. I think several weeks.

Gestalt language learning tips

2.5yo just started speech therapy. My suspicions were confirmed: he's a strong GLP. Right now we're working with lots of single words, a couple phrases, and mostly long, continuous babbling (reciting books and shows). Wanting to hear all of your stories about your kids' conversational breakthroughs and any pieces of advice for fostering good speaking in the home. Thank you!

All the kids' songs. My kid could sing twinkle, twinkle little star and the alphabet before she could put two words together., I'm not a speech language pathologist but I'm a dad and my son was a GLP.  My approach after talking to several professionals is to Understand and Redirect Let's say he quotes Super Why...  "calling all super readers... to the book club!"  It sounds like maybe he wants to go somewhere.  Maybe not.  Maybe he just wants your attention.  Or needs help. Or he's just repeating it because it's on TV.  He might not understand why Whyatt says it on the show or understand what the words mean.  If I only met him today, I wouldn't know what he was trying to say.  But you can try to figure out what he means each time he says it and try to honor the request you think he's making.   And even if you're wrong... he might learn that that's what it means to you and just roll with it.  If a neurotypical child said Bubba and you brought him a bottle but he was trying to tell you he wanted to watch Forrest Gump and he could only remember Bubba Gump Shrimp... wait a minute when I say Bubba you bring me a bottle?   Bubba!   Bubba!  So do your best but don't feel like it's some earth shattering problem if you're not perfect. You're still fostering communication by honoring the request.  And if he really wants to watch Forrest Gump for some reason he'll need to find a new way to ask.  So let's say you figure out that he wants to go somewhere.  He is in the play pen and he drops a toy and it rolls to the kitchen.  He says "calling all super readers... to the book club! " to get some attention.  Or maybe because he wants to go get it. So you redirect his communication attempt.  With a neurotypical kid i might redirect by saying "can you get the ball from the kitchen please? "   With a GLP though i want to meet them where they are and use their Scripting because that's how they've learned to speak.  So I might say "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!".  Then bring them to the kitchen.  Or get the toy from the kitchen for them.   The script replaces the challenge of creating a new sentence.  They're using it because they understand that whole phrase but not necessarily the grammar that made it possible. When you help them modify that script you're not only use their single word vocabulary for "kitchen", but to use it in a sentence.   You didn't say "calling all super kitchens".  You said "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!"  It's the object of a preposition.   Then later you might say calling all super readers... to the bathtub!  To the car!   To McDonald's!    Once your kid figures out how to modify those scripts you can start to "fade" the script.  Instead of saying calling all super readers you might say I want to go... to the kitchen!  I want to go... to McDonald's!   Use the same inflection at first, or say calling all super reqders... I want to go... to McDonald's!    Again, you're modifying the script but this time you're making it more functional for talking to other people who don't know what a super reader is.  When they say it correctly you reward it with high fives and honor the request.  When they use the old "calling all super readers" you still honor the request but first you redirect to "I want to go" instead of "calling all super readers".   Sometimes it's not that clear.  My son is hyperlexic- he learned to read before he learned to talk.  So in addition to scripting spoken words, he would script words he'd only read.  That made it extra challenging to figure out what he meant.  As an example, he would clearly say 273.  Or cizzens.  Or W (double U).  And we had no idea what he meant.  For the longest time we were struggling to figure that out.   It turns out that 27.3 was a mile marker on the highway near us.  W was the big red cursive W on the Wendy's sign near the same exit.  And Citizen's Bank is near that exit.  When we were in the car and he saw one of those he knew we were getting near that exit and he was getting excited, hoping we would stop.  Why?   Because there's a Starbucks at that exit.  And when mom took him to Starbucks, sometimes she'd get him a chocolate chip cookie.  He didn't know that it was Starbucks specifically and he didn't know how to ask for a cookie but he figure out how to say the names of things near the exit that had the Starbucks with the cookie.  And once I noticed the mile marker I started to notice the other things he was calling out and where we were and it was like the ending of the Usual Suspects.  It all came together.  And I could redirect to "are you asking for a cookie?"   I say this because I hear a lot of parents with young GLPs saying that their child just babbles movie quotes.  They might not be randomly babbling.  They might be trying to communicate something but they're way off.  You can't expect to know what they all mean but if you can start to get a dictionary of those scripts you can not only expedite their learning curve but also help other care givers like a teacher or someone giving early intervention.  It all goes together.   So yeah.  Understand and Redirect.  Those are the two biggest pieces of advice I'd give.  , If you're not opposed to screen time, I highly recommend Playtime with Tor. She's a GLP focused SLP who makes Ms. Rachel like videos., I’m not an SLP YET but I can say we’ve seen so much progress with my 4.5yr old who is also a strong GLP by repeating lots of things. For example we try to keep things consistent like any time we talk about the weather we start with “the weather is …” the ending can change and he can see the reason for that rather than saying the same exact statement any time he wants to talk about the weather., Bohospeechie on Instagram is a really great place to learn about GLP and how to use it at home. In the early stages you should actually not teach single words (I know that can be hard to wrap your head around) but instead focus on short "gestalts"., My daughter, too! She started with singing, abcs, counting, labeling EVERYTHIng. Now she can express her wants and needs and started forming full sentences, and answering yes or no questions. Lots of therapy over the 7 months, and it’s so improved. She even asks questions sometimes, which I wondered if she ever would., How do you know the continuous babbling is repetition from books and shows? My son does a similar thing but I can’t make out if it’s from a show or not., Work on getting him an AAC device., Lean into special interests! My kiddo loves books, number and abc’s. So incorporating those into more opportunities for language has been so helpful! Make sure your speech therapist is onboard and able to give you the support you need. So exciting that you’re getting this clue into how your little one processes language!, Yes, this would be my biggest advice too. Anything and everything music. Make little songs and tunes to convey important messages., He loves kids' songs. I don't catch him actually singing much, but he's great with reciting rhyming books! Not much practical application though., Yes my NV son one day belted out “that’s Elmo’s sonnnnng” like full lyrics out of nowhere after nearly 3 years of speech, OT and aba. Everyday more words, songs and even short sentences!, Thank you for sharing!! The way you explained it makes a lot of sense! I've only recently been aware that GLP speakers use gestalts as a way to communicate instead of just "verbal stimming". He's still pretty young so I haven't been able to do much detective work other than one or two phrases. I love how his brain works!, I'll check it out, thanks!, Thanks, that's encouraging!, This sounds like my son but we aren’t expressing wants and needs yet! What ages did she sing and then start expressing needs?, Repetition and intonation. It helps that I watch all his shows and read his books aloud to him, so I recognize a lot of the rhythm and sounds that he says. But when he was 1yr, he would just babble all day long and I'd have no clue!, My kid's receptive language is like 100x better when we sing to her vs. speaking. Our house has been like an incredibly poorly composed musical for years. "♫CAN YOOOOUUU PUUUUT AWAYY YOUR SHOOOOOOOOESSSSSS??♫", It really is pretty awesome when you start to figure your kid out.  There's some times it feels bad that your kid can't do something that their peers are able to do but there is no feeling like seeing your kid not only accomplish something, but show you that they knew things you never even realized.  It's hard to explain that combination of pride relief wonder and a little self pride with it.  That said... Talk to your speech provider because I'm just a dad and ten years removed from where you are.  Speech therapists spent a lot of time getting my son to use better language.   When he was young like your son, they did tests, targeted specific areas of need like using the right gender pronouns and identifying basic verbs.  As his skills improved they moved to things like irregular verbs and multiple meaning words. Since it comes up a lot I'll post this again My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My 5yr old ASD GLP son and (presumed NT/speech advanced) 2.5 yr old daughter are both obsessed and have incorporated her songs and phrases into our everyday routines. With my son, I've found that his speech growth comes in bursts. It feels like we're not making progress and then all of the sudden he shows a mastery of new skills. It's definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Keep narrating everything, reading the books, and singing all of the songs. It all makes a difference in the end. At 2.5 he was mostly saying 1 & 2 words combos and songs. He now speaks in full sentences to express wants/needs, describe what's happening now or in books and pictures. He still has difficulty with expressive language - answering questions and us about his day without visual prompts like a picture, and sharing details about how he's feeling beyond simply "happy" or "upset.", Around when she turned 3. It started with “ I want…” “I need help” and it’s grown from there. She now says “I’m bad, scared, happy, frustrated, etc”, That’s awesome!, All the kids' songs. My kid could sing twinkle, twinkle little star and the alphabet before she could put two words together., I'm not a speech language pathologist but I'm a dad and my son was a GLP.  My approach after talking to several professionals is to Understand and Redirect Let's say he quotes Super Why...  "calling all super readers... to the book club!"  It sounds like maybe he wants to go somewhere.  Maybe not.  Maybe he just wants your attention.  Or needs help. Or he's just repeating it because it's on TV.  He might not understand why Whyatt says it on the show or understand what the words mean.  If I only met him today, I wouldn't know what he was trying to say.  But you can try to figure out what he means each time he says it and try to honor the request you think he's making.   And even if you're wrong... he might learn that that's what it means to you and just roll with it.  If a neurotypical child said Bubba and you brought him a bottle but he was trying to tell you he wanted to watch Forrest Gump and he could only remember Bubba Gump Shrimp... wait a minute when I say Bubba you bring me a bottle?   Bubba!   Bubba!  So do your best but don't feel like it's some earth shattering problem if you're not perfect. You're still fostering communication by honoring the request.  And if he really wants to watch Forrest Gump for some reason he'll need to find a new way to ask.  So let's say you figure out that he wants to go somewhere.  He is in the play pen and he drops a toy and it rolls to the kitchen.  He says "calling all super readers... to the book club! " to get some attention.  Or maybe because he wants to go get it. So you redirect his communication attempt.  With a neurotypical kid i might redirect by saying "can you get the ball from the kitchen please? "   With a GLP though i want to meet them where they are and use their Scripting because that's how they've learned to speak.  So I might say "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!".  Then bring them to the kitchen.  Or get the toy from the kitchen for them.   The script replaces the challenge of creating a new sentence.  They're using it because they understand that whole phrase but not necessarily the grammar that made it possible. When you help them modify that script you're not only use their single word vocabulary for "kitchen", but to use it in a sentence.   You didn't say "calling all super kitchens".  You said "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!"  It's the object of a preposition.   Then later you might say calling all super readers... to the bathtub!  To the car!   To McDonald's!    Once your kid figures out how to modify those scripts you can start to "fade" the script.  Instead of saying calling all super readers you might say I want to go... to the kitchen!  I want to go... to McDonald's!   Use the same inflection at first, or say calling all super reqders... I want to go... to McDonald's!    Again, you're modifying the script but this time you're making it more functional for talking to other people who don't know what a super reader is.  When they say it correctly you reward it with high fives and honor the request.  When they use the old "calling all super readers" you still honor the request but first you redirect to "I want to go" instead of "calling all super readers".   Sometimes it's not that clear.  My son is hyperlexic- he learned to read before he learned to talk.  So in addition to scripting spoken words, he would script words he'd only read.  That made it extra challenging to figure out what he meant.  As an example, he would clearly say 273.  Or cizzens.  Or W (double U).  And we had no idea what he meant.  For the longest time we were struggling to figure that out.   It turns out that 27.3 was a mile marker on the highway near us.  W was the big red cursive W on the Wendy's sign near the same exit.  And Citizen's Bank is near that exit.  When we were in the car and he saw one of those he knew we were getting near that exit and he was getting excited, hoping we would stop.  Why?   Because there's a Starbucks at that exit.  And when mom took him to Starbucks, sometimes she'd get him a chocolate chip cookie.  He didn't know that it was Starbucks specifically and he didn't know how to ask for a cookie but he figure out how to say the names of things near the exit that had the Starbucks with the cookie.  And once I noticed the mile marker I started to notice the other things he was calling out and where we were and it was like the ending of the Usual Suspects.  It all came together.  And I could redirect to "are you asking for a cookie?"   I say this because I hear a lot of parents with young GLPs saying that their child just babbles movie quotes.  They might not be randomly babbling.  They might be trying to communicate something but they're way off.  You can't expect to know what they all mean but if you can start to get a dictionary of those scripts you can not only expedite their learning curve but also help other care givers like a teacher or someone giving early intervention.  It all goes together.   So yeah.  Understand and Redirect.  Those are the two biggest pieces of advice I'd give.  , If you're not opposed to screen time, I highly recommend Playtime with Tor. She's a GLP focused SLP who makes Ms. Rachel like videos., I’m not an SLP YET but I can say we’ve seen so much progress with my 4.5yr old who is also a strong GLP by repeating lots of things. For example we try to keep things consistent like any time we talk about the weather we start with “the weather is …” the ending can change and he can see the reason for that rather than saying the same exact statement any time he wants to talk about the weather., Bohospeechie on Instagram is a really great place to learn about GLP and how to use it at home. In the early stages you should actually not teach single words (I know that can be hard to wrap your head around) but instead focus on short "gestalts"., My daughter, too! She started with singing, abcs, counting, labeling EVERYTHIng. Now she can express her wants and needs and started forming full sentences, and answering yes or no questions. Lots of therapy over the 7 months, and it’s so improved. She even asks questions sometimes, which I wondered if she ever would., How do you know the continuous babbling is repetition from books and shows? My son does a similar thing but I can’t make out if it’s from a show or not., Work on getting him an AAC device., Lean into special interests! My kiddo loves books, number and abc’s. So incorporating those into more opportunities for language has been so helpful! Make sure your speech therapist is onboard and able to give you the support you need. So exciting that you’re getting this clue into how your little one processes language!, Yes, this would be my biggest advice too. Anything and everything music. Make little songs and tunes to convey important messages., He loves kids' songs. I don't catch him actually singing much, but he's great with reciting rhyming books! Not much practical application though., Yes my NV son one day belted out “that’s Elmo’s sonnnnng” like full lyrics out of nowhere after nearly 3 years of speech, OT and aba. Everyday more words, songs and even short sentences!, Thank you for sharing!! The way you explained it makes a lot of sense! I've only recently been aware that GLP speakers use gestalts as a way to communicate instead of just "verbal stimming". He's still pretty young so I haven't been able to do much detective work other than one or two phrases. I love how his brain works!, I'll check it out, thanks!, Thanks, that's encouraging!, This sounds like my son but we aren’t expressing wants and needs yet! What ages did she sing and then start expressing needs?, Repetition and intonation. It helps that I watch all his shows and read his books aloud to him, so I recognize a lot of the rhythm and sounds that he says. But when he was 1yr, he would just babble all day long and I'd have no clue!, My kid's receptive language is like 100x better when we sing to her vs. speaking. Our house has been like an incredibly poorly composed musical for years. "♫CAN YOOOOUUU PUUUUT AWAYY YOUR SHOOOOOOOOESSSSSS??♫", It really is pretty awesome when you start to figure your kid out.  There's some times it feels bad that your kid can't do something that their peers are able to do but there is no feeling like seeing your kid not only accomplish something, but show you that they knew things you never even realized.  It's hard to explain that combination of pride relief wonder and a little self pride with it.  That said... Talk to your speech provider because I'm just a dad and ten years removed from where you are.  Speech therapists spent a lot of time getting my son to use better language.   When he was young like your son, they did tests, targeted specific areas of need like using the right gender pronouns and identifying basic verbs.  As his skills improved they moved to things like irregular verbs and multiple meaning words. Since it comes up a lot I'll post this again My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My 5yr old ASD GLP son and (presumed NT/speech advanced) 2.5 yr old daughter are both obsessed and have incorporated her songs and phrases into our everyday routines. With my son, I've found that his speech growth comes in bursts. It feels like we're not making progress and then all of the sudden he shows a mastery of new skills. It's definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Keep narrating everything, reading the books, and singing all of the songs. It all makes a difference in the end. At 2.5 he was mostly saying 1 & 2 words combos and songs. He now speaks in full sentences to express wants/needs, describe what's happening now or in books and pictures. He still has difficulty with expressive language - answering questions and us about his day without visual prompts like a picture, and sharing details about how he's feeling beyond simply "happy" or "upset.", Around when she turned 3. It started with “ I want…” “I need help” and it’s grown from there. She now says “I’m bad, scared, happy, frustrated, etc”, That’s awesome!, All the kids' songs. My kid could sing twinkle, twinkle little star and the alphabet before she could put two words together., I'm not a speech language pathologist but I'm a dad and my son was a GLP.  My approach after talking to several professionals is to Understand and Redirect Let's say he quotes Super Why...  "calling all super readers... to the book club!"  It sounds like maybe he wants to go somewhere.  Maybe not.  Maybe he just wants your attention.  Or needs help. Or he's just repeating it because it's on TV.  He might not understand why Whyatt says it on the show or understand what the words mean.  If I only met him today, I wouldn't know what he was trying to say.  But you can try to figure out what he means each time he says it and try to honor the request you think he's making.   And even if you're wrong... he might learn that that's what it means to you and just roll with it.  If a neurotypical child said Bubba and you brought him a bottle but he was trying to tell you he wanted to watch Forrest Gump and he could only remember Bubba Gump Shrimp... wait a minute when I say Bubba you bring me a bottle?   Bubba!   Bubba!  So do your best but don't feel like it's some earth shattering problem if you're not perfect. You're still fostering communication by honoring the request.  And if he really wants to watch Forrest Gump for some reason he'll need to find a new way to ask.  So let's say you figure out that he wants to go somewhere.  He is in the play pen and he drops a toy and it rolls to the kitchen.  He says "calling all super readers... to the book club! " to get some attention.  Or maybe because he wants to go get it. So you redirect his communication attempt.  With a neurotypical kid i might redirect by saying "can you get the ball from the kitchen please? "   With a GLP though i want to meet them where they are and use their Scripting because that's how they've learned to speak.  So I might say "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!".  Then bring them to the kitchen.  Or get the toy from the kitchen for them.   The script replaces the challenge of creating a new sentence.  They're using it because they understand that whole phrase but not necessarily the grammar that made it possible. When you help them modify that script you're not only use their single word vocabulary for "kitchen", but to use it in a sentence.   You didn't say "calling all super kitchens".  You said "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!"  It's the object of a preposition.   Then later you might say calling all super readers... to the bathtub!  To the car!   To McDonald's!    Once your kid figures out how to modify those scripts you can start to "fade" the script.  Instead of saying calling all super readers you might say I want to go... to the kitchen!  I want to go... to McDonald's!   Use the same inflection at first, or say calling all super reqders... I want to go... to McDonald's!    Again, you're modifying the script but this time you're making it more functional for talking to other people who don't know what a super reader is.  When they say it correctly you reward it with high fives and honor the request.  When they use the old "calling all super readers" you still honor the request but first you redirect to "I want to go" instead of "calling all super readers".   Sometimes it's not that clear.  My son is hyperlexic- he learned to read before he learned to talk.  So in addition to scripting spoken words, he would script words he'd only read.  That made it extra challenging to figure out what he meant.  As an example, he would clearly say 273.  Or cizzens.  Or W (double U).  And we had no idea what he meant.  For the longest time we were struggling to figure that out.   It turns out that 27.3 was a mile marker on the highway near us.  W was the big red cursive W on the Wendy's sign near the same exit.  And Citizen's Bank is near that exit.  When we were in the car and he saw one of those he knew we were getting near that exit and he was getting excited, hoping we would stop.  Why?   Because there's a Starbucks at that exit.  And when mom took him to Starbucks, sometimes she'd get him a chocolate chip cookie.  He didn't know that it was Starbucks specifically and he didn't know how to ask for a cookie but he figure out how to say the names of things near the exit that had the Starbucks with the cookie.  And once I noticed the mile marker I started to notice the other things he was calling out and where we were and it was like the ending of the Usual Suspects.  It all came together.  And I could redirect to "are you asking for a cookie?"   I say this because I hear a lot of parents with young GLPs saying that their child just babbles movie quotes.  They might not be randomly babbling.  They might be trying to communicate something but they're way off.  You can't expect to know what they all mean but if you can start to get a dictionary of those scripts you can not only expedite their learning curve but also help other care givers like a teacher or someone giving early intervention.  It all goes together.   So yeah.  Understand and Redirect.  Those are the two biggest pieces of advice I'd give.  , If you're not opposed to screen time, I highly recommend Playtime with Tor. She's a GLP focused SLP who makes Ms. Rachel like videos., I’m not an SLP YET but I can say we’ve seen so much progress with my 4.5yr old who is also a strong GLP by repeating lots of things. For example we try to keep things consistent like any time we talk about the weather we start with “the weather is …” the ending can change and he can see the reason for that rather than saying the same exact statement any time he wants to talk about the weather., Bohospeechie on Instagram is a really great place to learn about GLP and how to use it at home. In the early stages you should actually not teach single words (I know that can be hard to wrap your head around) but instead focus on short "gestalts"., My daughter, too! She started with singing, abcs, counting, labeling EVERYTHIng. Now she can express her wants and needs and started forming full sentences, and answering yes or no questions. Lots of therapy over the 7 months, and it’s so improved. She even asks questions sometimes, which I wondered if she ever would., How do you know the continuous babbling is repetition from books and shows? My son does a similar thing but I can’t make out if it’s from a show or not., Work on getting him an AAC device., Lean into special interests! My kiddo loves books, number and abc’s. So incorporating those into more opportunities for language has been so helpful! Make sure your speech therapist is onboard and able to give you the support you need. So exciting that you’re getting this clue into how your little one processes language!, Yes, this would be my biggest advice too. Anything and everything music. Make little songs and tunes to convey important messages., He loves kids' songs. I don't catch him actually singing much, but he's great with reciting rhyming books! Not much practical application though., Yes my NV son one day belted out “that’s Elmo’s sonnnnng” like full lyrics out of nowhere after nearly 3 years of speech, OT and aba. Everyday more words, songs and even short sentences!, Thank you for sharing!! The way you explained it makes a lot of sense! I've only recently been aware that GLP speakers use gestalts as a way to communicate instead of just "verbal stimming". He's still pretty young so I haven't been able to do much detective work other than one or two phrases. I love how his brain works!, I'll check it out, thanks!, Thanks, that's encouraging!, This sounds like my son but we aren’t expressing wants and needs yet! What ages did she sing and then start expressing needs?, Repetition and intonation. It helps that I watch all his shows and read his books aloud to him, so I recognize a lot of the rhythm and sounds that he says. But when he was 1yr, he would just babble all day long and I'd have no clue!, My kid's receptive language is like 100x better when we sing to her vs. speaking. Our house has been like an incredibly poorly composed musical for years. "♫CAN YOOOOUUU PUUUUT AWAYY YOUR SHOOOOOOOOESSSSSS??♫", It really is pretty awesome when you start to figure your kid out.  There's some times it feels bad that your kid can't do something that their peers are able to do but there is no feeling like seeing your kid not only accomplish something, but show you that they knew things you never even realized.  It's hard to explain that combination of pride relief wonder and a little self pride with it.  That said... Talk to your speech provider because I'm just a dad and ten years removed from where you are.  Speech therapists spent a lot of time getting my son to use better language.   When he was young like your son, they did tests, targeted specific areas of need like using the right gender pronouns and identifying basic verbs.  As his skills improved they moved to things like irregular verbs and multiple meaning words. Since it comes up a lot I'll post this again My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My 5yr old ASD GLP son and (presumed NT/speech advanced) 2.5 yr old daughter are both obsessed and have incorporated her songs and phrases into our everyday routines. With my son, I've found that his speech growth comes in bursts. It feels like we're not making progress and then all of the sudden he shows a mastery of new skills. It's definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Keep narrating everything, reading the books, and singing all of the songs. It all makes a difference in the end. At 2.5 he was mostly saying 1 & 2 words combos and songs. He now speaks in full sentences to express wants/needs, describe what's happening now or in books and pictures. He still has difficulty with expressive language - answering questions and us about his day without visual prompts like a picture, and sharing details about how he's feeling beyond simply "happy" or "upset.", Around when she turned 3. It started with “ I want…” “I need help” and it’s grown from there. She now says “I’m bad, scared, happy, frustrated, etc”, That’s awesome!, All the kids' songs. My kid could sing twinkle, twinkle little star and the alphabet before she could put two words together., I'm not a speech language pathologist but I'm a dad and my son was a GLP.  My approach after talking to several professionals is to Understand and Redirect Let's say he quotes Super Why...  "calling all super readers... to the book club!"  It sounds like maybe he wants to go somewhere.  Maybe not.  Maybe he just wants your attention.  Or needs help. Or he's just repeating it because it's on TV.  He might not understand why Whyatt says it on the show or understand what the words mean.  If I only met him today, I wouldn't know what he was trying to say.  But you can try to figure out what he means each time he says it and try to honor the request you think he's making.   And even if you're wrong... he might learn that that's what it means to you and just roll with it.  If a neurotypical child said Bubba and you brought him a bottle but he was trying to tell you he wanted to watch Forrest Gump and he could only remember Bubba Gump Shrimp... wait a minute when I say Bubba you bring me a bottle?   Bubba!   Bubba!  So do your best but don't feel like it's some earth shattering problem if you're not perfect. You're still fostering communication by honoring the request.  And if he really wants to watch Forrest Gump for some reason he'll need to find a new way to ask.  So let's say you figure out that he wants to go somewhere.  He is in the play pen and he drops a toy and it rolls to the kitchen.  He says "calling all super readers... to the book club! " to get some attention.  Or maybe because he wants to go get it. So you redirect his communication attempt.  With a neurotypical kid i might redirect by saying "can you get the ball from the kitchen please? "   With a GLP though i want to meet them where they are and use their Scripting because that's how they've learned to speak.  So I might say "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!".  Then bring them to the kitchen.  Or get the toy from the kitchen for them.   The script replaces the challenge of creating a new sentence.  They're using it because they understand that whole phrase but not necessarily the grammar that made it possible. When you help them modify that script you're not only use their single word vocabulary for "kitchen", but to use it in a sentence.   You didn't say "calling all super kitchens".  You said "calling all super readers... to the kitchen!"  It's the object of a preposition.   Then later you might say calling all super readers... to the bathtub!  To the car!   To McDonald's!    Once your kid figures out how to modify those scripts you can start to "fade" the script.  Instead of saying calling all super readers you might say I want to go... to the kitchen!  I want to go... to McDonald's!   Use the same inflection at first, or say calling all super reqders... I want to go... to McDonald's!    Again, you're modifying the script but this time you're making it more functional for talking to other people who don't know what a super reader is.  When they say it correctly you reward it with high fives and honor the request.  When they use the old "calling all super readers" you still honor the request but first you redirect to "I want to go" instead of "calling all super readers".   Sometimes it's not that clear.  My son is hyperlexic- he learned to read before he learned to talk.  So in addition to scripting spoken words, he would script words he'd only read.  That made it extra challenging to figure out what he meant.  As an example, he would clearly say 273.  Or cizzens.  Or W (double U).  And we had no idea what he meant.  For the longest time we were struggling to figure that out.   It turns out that 27.3 was a mile marker on the highway near us.  W was the big red cursive W on the Wendy's sign near the same exit.  And Citizen's Bank is near that exit.  When we were in the car and he saw one of those he knew we were getting near that exit and he was getting excited, hoping we would stop.  Why?   Because there's a Starbucks at that exit.  And when mom took him to Starbucks, sometimes she'd get him a chocolate chip cookie.  He didn't know that it was Starbucks specifically and he didn't know how to ask for a cookie but he figure out how to say the names of things near the exit that had the Starbucks with the cookie.  And once I noticed the mile marker I started to notice the other things he was calling out and where we were and it was like the ending of the Usual Suspects.  It all came together.  And I could redirect to "are you asking for a cookie?"   I say this because I hear a lot of parents with young GLPs saying that their child just babbles movie quotes.  They might not be randomly babbling.  They might be trying to communicate something but they're way off.  You can't expect to know what they all mean but if you can start to get a dictionary of those scripts you can not only expedite their learning curve but also help other care givers like a teacher or someone giving early intervention.  It all goes together.   So yeah.  Understand and Redirect.  Those are the two biggest pieces of advice I'd give.  , If you're not opposed to screen time, I highly recommend Playtime with Tor. She's a GLP focused SLP who makes Ms. Rachel like videos., I’m not an SLP YET but I can say we’ve seen so much progress with my 4.5yr old who is also a strong GLP by repeating lots of things. For example we try to keep things consistent like any time we talk about the weather we start with “the weather is …” the ending can change and he can see the reason for that rather than saying the same exact statement any time he wants to talk about the weather., Bohospeechie on Instagram is a really great place to learn about GLP and how to use it at home. In the early stages you should actually not teach single words (I know that can be hard to wrap your head around) but instead focus on short "gestalts"., My daughter, too! She started with singing, abcs, counting, labeling EVERYTHIng. Now she can express her wants and needs and started forming full sentences, and answering yes or no questions. Lots of therapy over the 7 months, and it’s so improved. She even asks questions sometimes, which I wondered if she ever would., How do you know the continuous babbling is repetition from books and shows? My son does a similar thing but I can’t make out if it’s from a show or not., Work on getting him an AAC device., Lean into special interests! My kiddo loves books, number and abc’s. So incorporating those into more opportunities for language has been so helpful! Make sure your speech therapist is onboard and able to give you the support you need. So exciting that you’re getting this clue into how your little one processes language!, Yes, this would be my biggest advice too. Anything and everything music. Make little songs and tunes to convey important messages., He loves kids' songs. I don't catch him actually singing much, but he's great with reciting rhyming books! Not much practical application though., Yes my NV son one day belted out “that’s Elmo’s sonnnnng” like full lyrics out of nowhere after nearly 3 years of speech, OT and aba. Everyday more words, songs and even short sentences!, Thank you for sharing!! The way you explained it makes a lot of sense! I've only recently been aware that GLP speakers use gestalts as a way to communicate instead of just "verbal stimming". He's still pretty young so I haven't been able to do much detective work other than one or two phrases. I love how his brain works!, I'll check it out, thanks!, Thanks, that's encouraging!, This sounds like my son but we aren’t expressing wants and needs yet! What ages did she sing and then start expressing needs?, Repetition and intonation. It helps that I watch all his shows and read his books aloud to him, so I recognize a lot of the rhythm and sounds that he says. But when he was 1yr, he would just babble all day long and I'd have no clue!, My kid's receptive language is like 100x better when we sing to her vs. speaking. Our house has been like an incredibly poorly composed musical for years. "♫CAN YOOOOUUU PUUUUT AWAYY YOUR SHOOOOOOOOESSSSSS??♫", It really is pretty awesome when you start to figure your kid out.  There's some times it feels bad that your kid can't do something that their peers are able to do but there is no feeling like seeing your kid not only accomplish something, but show you that they knew things you never even realized.  It's hard to explain that combination of pride relief wonder and a little self pride with it.  That said... Talk to your speech provider because I'm just a dad and ten years removed from where you are.  Speech therapists spent a lot of time getting my son to use better language.   When he was young like your son, they did tests, targeted specific areas of need like using the right gender pronouns and identifying basic verbs.  As his skills improved they moved to things like irregular verbs and multiple meaning words. Since it comes up a lot I'll post this again My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My 5yr old ASD GLP son and (presumed NT/speech advanced) 2.5 yr old daughter are both obsessed and have incorporated her songs and phrases into our everyday routines. With my son, I've found that his speech growth comes in bursts. It feels like we're not making progress and then all of the sudden he shows a mastery of new skills. It's definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Keep narrating everything, reading the books, and singing all of the songs. It all makes a difference in the end. At 2.5 he was mostly saying 1 & 2 words combos and songs. He now speaks in full sentences to express wants/needs, describe what's happening now or in books and pictures. He still has difficulty with expressive language - answering questions and us about his day without visual prompts like a picture, and sharing details about how he's feeling beyond simply "happy" or "upset.", Around when she turned 3. It started with “ I want…” “I need help” and it’s grown from there. She now says “I’m bad, scared, happy, frustrated, etc”, That’s awesome!

Getting 3 year old to communicate his needs

My son is 3 years old (lvl 3)- [diagnosed at 2.5] is very smart and semi verbal. He’ll repeat words, sing songs and can read words. His OT said he has hyperlexia. Though my main problem is his lack of communication, even though he can speak he will almost NEVER use it to communicate. No ‘yes’ no ‘No’. We ask him what he wants for breakfast and he just stares at us while we talk to him but never responds. He’ll make great eye contact but will never respond if we ask him anything. But my main problem is the not being able to communicate leads to his meltdowns… He understands when we tell him to do something and has meltdowns if he doesn’t want to do it, or if something doesn’t go his way. His therapist said getting him to communicate would help with his outbursts but no matter how much we teach him to sign or try to get him to talk it doesn’t seem to be working. His about to start speech therapy which I hope helps. Does anyone have advice on what could possibly help with his communication? He honestly talks way more than signs so I feel that doesn’t work for him

Pecs. Taking pictures of stuff and putting it in a photo album with the word and see if that does anything start with basics like a photo of him water, Pecs. Taking pictures of stuff and putting it in a photo album with the word and see if that does anything start with basics like a photo of him water, Pecs. Taking pictures of stuff and putting it in a photo album with the word and see if that does anything start with basics like a photo of him water, Pecs. Taking pictures of stuff and putting it in a photo album with the word and see if that does anything start with basics like a photo of him water

Getting desperate...need dentist for 6 year old

Hi all. Dentist and the Healthcare system have me going crazy. My child has really messed up teeth because he's always biting things and is a complete fighter during teeth brushings. He's 6.5 and his baby teeth are starting to fall out now and I'm desperate to get a handle on his teeth situation. But he hasn't been to the dentist in about 3 years. We have to arrange all his medical care through his PCP because he has tricare prime. When we lived on the military base scheduling appointments was impossible. We moved off and got a new doctor. He had a referal that finally went through and the dentist didn't even get to look in his mouth because he was screaming and flailing. They put in a referral a specialized dentist. But its been months and the referral still hasn't come through to even call and schedule an appt. What do I do? I need insurance because I cannot afford the happy gas and the surgeries he's likely to need out of pocket. But I can't even get him seen and evaluated to see if there's really something wrong in there that needs addressed asap! So I'm paranoid about it all the time.

I don't have advice concerning getting him care, I am sorry. But what I had to do with all of my kids with teeth brushing is have another toothbrush handy so if they bit down, they're biting the spare toothbrush while I gently brush their teeth. We've gotten past that, thank goodness, and if needed, I let my child who has to have help, listen to/watch a music video while we brush their teeth. We also found electric toothbrushes he likes the feeling of because the vibrations feel nice to him and he loves being tickled. I hope something of what I have said helps. 🙏, Oh man yeah we have Tricare and you've got to really advocate with them. Are you part of the EFMP program and all that? Sometimes you can get basically an advocate who helps you navigate Tricare and get what you need (I forget what it's called but ask your EFMP Coordinator). Ive spent HOURS on the phone with them getting bounced around. Also you can get Medicare on top of Tricare (sometimes) and they pay for a lot of things Tricare won't. I also switched to Tricare Select so I didn't have to wait around for referrals to specialists. The copay can be rough but honestly it's been worth it for us since we don't live near a base anymore., It's pretty easy to get private dental insurance, but honestly most insurances don't pay that much for any kind of care that is not routine. Dentists are usually sympathetic though and will work with you if you're a cash only patient. Having a kids electric toothbrush solved our brushing issues. He enjoys the buzz feeling and the independence. Call your area pediatric dentists and just ask them if they have experience with a child who has high support needs. We found our dentist through a local friend who's child is also autistic., I don't know if this helps but I brush the teeth of my son with a specific song. He likes music and the song has 4 verses so I match each location which I am brushing with a part of the song. He feels at ease with this., Laughing gas makes all the difference! If you can find a way to cover that, it's totally worth it. Also try to get him into a pediatric dentist. pediatric dentist + nitrous oxide = tolerable dental visit, In a city about 2 hours from us we found an excellent service specializing in dental care for neurodivergent kids. Not only did they take our medicaid, but I did see that they have payment plans and programs for people who struggle with paying for services. Maybe you should see if there's something similar in a city close to you? It really was amazing, and they managed to treat both of our very wiggly and treatment resistant ADHD/ASD kids., I don't have advice concerning getting him care, I am sorry. But what I had to do with all of my kids with teeth brushing is have another toothbrush handy so if they bit down, they're biting the spare toothbrush while I gently brush their teeth. We've gotten past that, thank goodness, and if needed, I let my child who has to have help, listen to/watch a music video while we brush their teeth. We also found electric toothbrushes he likes the feeling of because the vibrations feel nice to him and he loves being tickled. I hope something of what I have said helps. 🙏, Oh man yeah we have Tricare and you've got to really advocate with them. Are you part of the EFMP program and all that? Sometimes you can get basically an advocate who helps you navigate Tricare and get what you need (I forget what it's called but ask your EFMP Coordinator). Ive spent HOURS on the phone with them getting bounced around. Also you can get Medicare on top of Tricare (sometimes) and they pay for a lot of things Tricare won't. I also switched to Tricare Select so I didn't have to wait around for referrals to specialists. The copay can be rough but honestly it's been worth it for us since we don't live near a base anymore., It's pretty easy to get private dental insurance, but honestly most insurances don't pay that much for any kind of care that is not routine. Dentists are usually sympathetic though and will work with you if you're a cash only patient. Having a kids electric toothbrush solved our brushing issues. He enjoys the buzz feeling and the independence. Call your area pediatric dentists and just ask them if they have experience with a child who has high support needs. We found our dentist through a local friend who's child is also autistic., I don't know if this helps but I brush the teeth of my son with a specific song. He likes music and the song has 4 verses so I match each location which I am brushing with a part of the song. He feels at ease with this., Laughing gas makes all the difference! If you can find a way to cover that, it's totally worth it. Also try to get him into a pediatric dentist. pediatric dentist + nitrous oxide = tolerable dental visit, In a city about 2 hours from us we found an excellent service specializing in dental care for neurodivergent kids. Not only did they take our medicaid, but I did see that they have payment plans and programs for people who struggle with paying for services. Maybe you should see if there's something similar in a city close to you? It really was amazing, and they managed to treat both of our very wiggly and treatment resistant ADHD/ASD kids., I don't have advice concerning getting him care, I am sorry. But what I had to do with all of my kids with teeth brushing is have another toothbrush handy so if they bit down, they're biting the spare toothbrush while I gently brush their teeth. We've gotten past that, thank goodness, and if needed, I let my child who has to have help, listen to/watch a music video while we brush their teeth. We also found electric toothbrushes he likes the feeling of because the vibrations feel nice to him and he loves being tickled. I hope something of what I have said helps. 🙏, Oh man yeah we have Tricare and you've got to really advocate with them. Are you part of the EFMP program and all that? Sometimes you can get basically an advocate who helps you navigate Tricare and get what you need (I forget what it's called but ask your EFMP Coordinator). Ive spent HOURS on the phone with them getting bounced around. Also you can get Medicare on top of Tricare (sometimes) and they pay for a lot of things Tricare won't. I also switched to Tricare Select so I didn't have to wait around for referrals to specialists. The copay can be rough but honestly it's been worth it for us since we don't live near a base anymore., It's pretty easy to get private dental insurance, but honestly most insurances don't pay that much for any kind of care that is not routine. Dentists are usually sympathetic though and will work with you if you're a cash only patient. Having a kids electric toothbrush solved our brushing issues. He enjoys the buzz feeling and the independence. Call your area pediatric dentists and just ask them if they have experience with a child who has high support needs. We found our dentist through a local friend who's child is also autistic., I don't know if this helps but I brush the teeth of my son with a specific song. He likes music and the song has 4 verses so I match each location which I am brushing with a part of the song. He feels at ease with this., Laughing gas makes all the difference! If you can find a way to cover that, it's totally worth it. Also try to get him into a pediatric dentist. pediatric dentist + nitrous oxide = tolerable dental visit, In a city about 2 hours from us we found an excellent service specializing in dental care for neurodivergent kids. Not only did they take our medicaid, but I did see that they have payment plans and programs for people who struggle with paying for services. Maybe you should see if there's something similar in a city close to you? It really was amazing, and they managed to treat both of our very wiggly and treatment resistant ADHD/ASD kids., I don't have advice concerning getting him care, I am sorry. But what I had to do with all of my kids with teeth brushing is have another toothbrush handy so if they bit down, they're biting the spare toothbrush while I gently brush their teeth. We've gotten past that, thank goodness, and if needed, I let my child who has to have help, listen to/watch a music video while we brush their teeth. We also found electric toothbrushes he likes the feeling of because the vibrations feel nice to him and he loves being tickled. I hope something of what I have said helps. 🙏, Oh man yeah we have Tricare and you've got to really advocate with them. Are you part of the EFMP program and all that? Sometimes you can get basically an advocate who helps you navigate Tricare and get what you need (I forget what it's called but ask your EFMP Coordinator). Ive spent HOURS on the phone with them getting bounced around. Also you can get Medicare on top of Tricare (sometimes) and they pay for a lot of things Tricare won't. I also switched to Tricare Select so I didn't have to wait around for referrals to specialists. The copay can be rough but honestly it's been worth it for us since we don't live near a base anymore., It's pretty easy to get private dental insurance, but honestly most insurances don't pay that much for any kind of care that is not routine. Dentists are usually sympathetic though and will work with you if you're a cash only patient. Having a kids electric toothbrush solved our brushing issues. He enjoys the buzz feeling and the independence. Call your area pediatric dentists and just ask them if they have experience with a child who has high support needs. We found our dentist through a local friend who's child is also autistic., I don't know if this helps but I brush the teeth of my son with a specific song. He likes music and the song has 4 verses so I match each location which I am brushing with a part of the song. He feels at ease with this., Laughing gas makes all the difference! If you can find a way to cover that, it's totally worth it. Also try to get him into a pediatric dentist. pediatric dentist + nitrous oxide = tolerable dental visit, In a city about 2 hours from us we found an excellent service specializing in dental care for neurodivergent kids. Not only did they take our medicaid, but I did see that they have payment plans and programs for people who struggle with paying for services. Maybe you should see if there's something similar in a city close to you? It really was amazing, and they managed to treat both of our very wiggly and treatment resistant ADHD/ASD kids.

Getting into poop

Hi my 3 almost 4 year old step son keeps getting into his poop what can me n my gf do to stop this behavior as it is both disgusting and honestly has me at my wits end Ps level 3 non verbal

Hey, mom of a now 10yo who used to do the same at that age. Here's my tip from the other side: 1) backward footed onesie pajamas ( have to have zipper closure with secure snap at the top ) Carter's and Amazon tend to have larger sizes available. If you can sew, you can also add a thick band of elastic around the waist on the inside to further limit access. 2 ) it's OK to have all the feelings about it. We used to have floor vents, I don't think I've ever been so angry, disappointed, and beaten down then that period of time. It's rough, your feelings are valid. 3 ) A bucket of warm water, add in a cap of bleach and 1-2 table spoons of blue dawn depending on how much soap the surface you're cleaning can take. Use that on anything that can be bleach, and it cleans it up, plus kills the smell. 4 ) they can never be without clothes on. The more in between their hands and their diaper, the better. Overalls are a great choice for daily clothes. I've also done underwear over a diaper with overalls on top if they fit a bit loose., Hey, mom of a now 10yo who used to do the same at that age. Here's my tip from the other side: 1) backward footed onesie pajamas ( have to have zipper closure with secure snap at the top ) Carter's and Amazon tend to have larger sizes available. If you can sew, you can also add a thick band of elastic around the waist on the inside to further limit access. 2 ) it's OK to have all the feelings about it. We used to have floor vents, I don't think I've ever been so angry, disappointed, and beaten down then that period of time. It's rough, your feelings are valid. 3 ) A bucket of warm water, add in a cap of bleach and 1-2 table spoons of blue dawn depending on how much soap the surface you're cleaning can take. Use that on anything that can be bleach, and it cleans it up, plus kills the smell. 4 ) they can never be without clothes on. The more in between their hands and their diaper, the better. Overalls are a great choice for daily clothes. I've also done underwear over a diaper with overalls on top if they fit a bit loose., Hey, mom of a now 10yo who used to do the same at that age. Here's my tip from the other side: 1) backward footed onesie pajamas ( have to have zipper closure with secure snap at the top ) Carter's and Amazon tend to have larger sizes available. If you can sew, you can also add a thick band of elastic around the waist on the inside to further limit access. 2 ) it's OK to have all the feelings about it. We used to have floor vents, I don't think I've ever been so angry, disappointed, and beaten down then that period of time. It's rough, your feelings are valid. 3 ) A bucket of warm water, add in a cap of bleach and 1-2 table spoons of blue dawn depending on how much soap the surface you're cleaning can take. Use that on anything that can be bleach, and it cleans it up, plus kills the smell. 4 ) they can never be without clothes on. The more in between their hands and their diaper, the better. Overalls are a great choice for daily clothes. I've also done underwear over a diaper with overalls on top if they fit a bit loose., Hey, mom of a now 10yo who used to do the same at that age. Here's my tip from the other side: 1) backward footed onesie pajamas ( have to have zipper closure with secure snap at the top ) Carter's and Amazon tend to have larger sizes available. If you can sew, you can also add a thick band of elastic around the waist on the inside to further limit access. 2 ) it's OK to have all the feelings about it. We used to have floor vents, I don't think I've ever been so angry, disappointed, and beaten down then that period of time. It's rough, your feelings are valid. 3 ) A bucket of warm water, add in a cap of bleach and 1-2 table spoons of blue dawn depending on how much soap the surface you're cleaning can take. Use that on anything that can be bleach, and it cleans it up, plus kills the smell. 4 ) they can never be without clothes on. The more in between their hands and their diaper, the better. Overalls are a great choice for daily clothes. I've also done underwear over a diaper with overalls on top if they fit a bit loose.

Gluten Free?

Yesterday we saw an integrative/holistic dr to help with my daughter’s ADHD/autism. He recommended going off gluten. He is running a test to see if she is really a celiac and such as well. Has anyone tried a gluten free diet for their child? Positive effects? Less adhd/autism symptoms? Improvements? Luckily we live in California and we can go to Whole Foods for gluten free pasta for her or gluten free pizza. We can also find flour for her pancakes too. It will probably be harder when we travel but should find something….

Unless it's a gluten allergy or intolerance causing pain or digestive issues going off gluten isn't gonna help., It has had a major positive impact for my son. His constant sensory seeking, impulsive behavior, hyperactivity and elopement have improved. He can actually attend to things and he couldn't really do that before.  Gluten issues are very common in autistic people. You don't have to have celiac to have gluten sensitivities. , There is no GI issue. We just want to minimize autism symptoms, So it doesn’t take away autism symptoms or reduce adhd?, I am glad to see it worked. We tried gluten free pasta yesterday and she refused after some spoonfulls. What do you feed your son? We are trying gluten free pizza today…, If they have no allergy or intolerance to the gluten, then no it will have no effect. Even if they do have an allergy or intolerance it won't take away autism symptoms or reduce ADHD it will just relieve discomfort or pain caused by the allergy that could be causing them to act out because they don't know how to express they are in discomfort., I buy a lot of Aldi's gluten free line. We'll pick up a cauliflower crust pizza from their deli one night a week.  Breakfast is usually homemade nut and dried fruit bars with fresh fruit (you can Google some recipes). Snack might be nuts and cheese (careful with nuts - some of the roasted varieties have wheat in their seasoning).  Lunch is often an omelette filled with feta cheese. I bought a $10 omelette maker, worth every penny. I'll serve it with shredded hashbrowns (premade patties are more likely to have gluten, so... Double check).  Mid afternoon snack might be popcorn. Gluten free products are definitely an acquired taste. I've made black bean and mushroom casseroles (with corn tortillas and salsa), curried lentils, tacos (with corn shells), etc.  Dessert is usually a fruit smoothie - GF protein powder mixed with frozen fruit, Greek yogurt, some chia and flax meal. , If your son is having a lot of diarrhea, it's worth investigating.  My son got to the point he was having it at least every day. When the gluten stopped, it improved dramatically. , :( sigh. She doesn’t have GI symptoms so she is ok on that. *knock on wood*, No give issue. We just want to lessen the autism and eloping/hyperactivity, Unless it's a gluten allergy or intolerance causing pain or digestive issues going off gluten isn't gonna help., It has had a major positive impact for my son. His constant sensory seeking, impulsive behavior, hyperactivity and elopement have improved. He can actually attend to things and he couldn't really do that before.  Gluten issues are very common in autistic people. You don't have to have celiac to have gluten sensitivities. , There is no GI issue. We just want to minimize autism symptoms, So it doesn’t take away autism symptoms or reduce adhd?, I am glad to see it worked. We tried gluten free pasta yesterday and she refused after some spoonfulls. What do you feed your son? We are trying gluten free pizza today…, If they have no allergy or intolerance to the gluten, then no it will have no effect. Even if they do have an allergy or intolerance it won't take away autism symptoms or reduce ADHD it will just relieve discomfort or pain caused by the allergy that could be causing them to act out because they don't know how to express they are in discomfort., I buy a lot of Aldi's gluten free line. We'll pick up a cauliflower crust pizza from their deli one night a week.  Breakfast is usually homemade nut and dried fruit bars with fresh fruit (you can Google some recipes). Snack might be nuts and cheese (careful with nuts - some of the roasted varieties have wheat in their seasoning).  Lunch is often an omelette filled with feta cheese. I bought a $10 omelette maker, worth every penny. I'll serve it with shredded hashbrowns (premade patties are more likely to have gluten, so... Double check).  Mid afternoon snack might be popcorn. Gluten free products are definitely an acquired taste. I've made black bean and mushroom casseroles (with corn tortillas and salsa), curried lentils, tacos (with corn shells), etc.  Dessert is usually a fruit smoothie - GF protein powder mixed with frozen fruit, Greek yogurt, some chia and flax meal. , If your son is having a lot of diarrhea, it's worth investigating.  My son got to the point he was having it at least every day. When the gluten stopped, it improved dramatically. , :( sigh. She doesn’t have GI symptoms so she is ok on that. *knock on wood*, No give issue. We just want to lessen the autism and eloping/hyperactivity, Unless it's a gluten allergy or intolerance causing pain or digestive issues going off gluten isn't gonna help., It has had a major positive impact for my son. His constant sensory seeking, impulsive behavior, hyperactivity and elopement have improved. He can actually attend to things and he couldn't really do that before.  Gluten issues are very common in autistic people. You don't have to have celiac to have gluten sensitivities. , There is no GI issue. We just want to minimize autism symptoms, So it doesn’t take away autism symptoms or reduce adhd?, I am glad to see it worked. We tried gluten free pasta yesterday and she refused after some spoonfulls. What do you feed your son? We are trying gluten free pizza today…, If they have no allergy or intolerance to the gluten, then no it will have no effect. Even if they do have an allergy or intolerance it won't take away autism symptoms or reduce ADHD it will just relieve discomfort or pain caused by the allergy that could be causing them to act out because they don't know how to express they are in discomfort., I buy a lot of Aldi's gluten free line. We'll pick up a cauliflower crust pizza from their deli one night a week.  Breakfast is usually homemade nut and dried fruit bars with fresh fruit (you can Google some recipes). Snack might be nuts and cheese (careful with nuts - some of the roasted varieties have wheat in their seasoning).  Lunch is often an omelette filled with feta cheese. I bought a $10 omelette maker, worth every penny. I'll serve it with shredded hashbrowns (premade patties are more likely to have gluten, so... Double check).  Mid afternoon snack might be popcorn. Gluten free products are definitely an acquired taste. I've made black bean and mushroom casseroles (with corn tortillas and salsa), curried lentils, tacos (with corn shells), etc.  Dessert is usually a fruit smoothie - GF protein powder mixed with frozen fruit, Greek yogurt, some chia and flax meal. , If your son is having a lot of diarrhea, it's worth investigating.  My son got to the point he was having it at least every day. When the gluten stopped, it improved dramatically. , :( sigh. She doesn’t have GI symptoms so she is ok on that. *knock on wood*, No give issue. We just want to lessen the autism and eloping/hyperactivity, Unless it's a gluten allergy or intolerance causing pain or digestive issues going off gluten isn't gonna help., It has had a major positive impact for my son. His constant sensory seeking, impulsive behavior, hyperactivity and elopement have improved. He can actually attend to things and he couldn't really do that before.  Gluten issues are very common in autistic people. You don't have to have celiac to have gluten sensitivities. , There is no GI issue. We just want to minimize autism symptoms, So it doesn’t take away autism symptoms or reduce adhd?, I am glad to see it worked. We tried gluten free pasta yesterday and she refused after some spoonfulls. What do you feed your son? We are trying gluten free pizza today…, If they have no allergy or intolerance to the gluten, then no it will have no effect. Even if they do have an allergy or intolerance it won't take away autism symptoms or reduce ADHD it will just relieve discomfort or pain caused by the allergy that could be causing them to act out because they don't know how to express they are in discomfort., I buy a lot of Aldi's gluten free line. We'll pick up a cauliflower crust pizza from their deli one night a week.  Breakfast is usually homemade nut and dried fruit bars with fresh fruit (you can Google some recipes). Snack might be nuts and cheese (careful with nuts - some of the roasted varieties have wheat in their seasoning).  Lunch is often an omelette filled with feta cheese. I bought a $10 omelette maker, worth every penny. I'll serve it with shredded hashbrowns (premade patties are more likely to have gluten, so... Double check).  Mid afternoon snack might be popcorn. Gluten free products are definitely an acquired taste. I've made black bean and mushroom casseroles (with corn tortillas and salsa), curried lentils, tacos (with corn shells), etc.  Dessert is usually a fruit smoothie - GF protein powder mixed with frozen fruit, Greek yogurt, some chia and flax meal. , If your son is having a lot of diarrhea, it's worth investigating.  My son got to the point he was having it at least every day. When the gluten stopped, it improved dramatically. , :( sigh. She doesn’t have GI symptoms so she is ok on that. *knock on wood*, No give issue. We just want to lessen the autism and eloping/hyperactivity

Gluten free diet and Autism

I heard several times about the correlation of a gluten free diet on kids with autism and a significant improvement on the agression levels and such. Has anyone experienced it with their children? If so, how did you manage to transition from their old diet to a gluten-free one? Could you give me specific examples? And also, what effects did you notice on your kids? One of my problems is that my kid's diet is quite limited. He is nonverbal and with some sensory issues with food so a lot of food, he doesn't accept and if I insist too much on it, it can become a problem. And he absolutely loves bread in pretty much all its forms. So that makes it way trickier for me to switch to a GF diet.

My kid eats so few things, I would be afraid of trying. Add onto that, I am suspicious by nature of ANY "cure", partial or full. Now, if you are suspicious of celiac disease, that is a real thing to check for--but not the title of your post., This "theory" has been proven false by science over and over. It is BS. Gluten is healthy for most people, unless one has Celiac disease or something like that. The research article below concludes that there is no good evidence that a gluten free diet helps autistic people who do not have a diagnosis of celiac disease. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7915454/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7915454/), My advice is to never alter a ND child/persons diet (especially if it's already restricted) without consulting a doctor who will advise and monitor the situation. I have heard good things about it, but that is usually because there was an underlying issue with gluten (or anything else) to begin with. So in theory, it can help with some of the more negative symptoms/behaviors, but it's usually for a medical reason and therefore should be monitored by a doctor., I’m autistic and coeliac and noticed zero change in my autism symptoms since stopping gluten. I wouldn’t even bother with my kids as they’re so picky as it is they wouldn’t eat anything! As always go with your gut but it made not a single change for me apart from that the horrible GI symptoms eventually stopped!, My daughter was diagnosed with celiacs and a gluten free diet did help her behavior but only because a lot of her behavior came from negative reactions to gluten, not autism. Because she no longer had headaches, stomach aches, toileting issues, rashes or never felt full no matter how much she ate we began to see what was gluten driven behavior and what was actually her autism. We went cold turkey on gluten for her and I am super strict about her diet. Unfortunately she does grab food but I warn her that it has gluten and she will leave our food alone. She does not understand what foods contain gluten but she trusts me when I warn her., We tried a gluten free diet with our son for probably 6-9 months and if I am honest I don’t think there was any noticeable improvement during that time or worsening since he has moved away from it., My kid is NV and extremely picky eater. Our biggest gain was removing dairy. Inflammation stopped and so did the head-banging and eczema. Dr recommended gluten free diet for some of his stimming and tics. But only implemented gf diet after his lab came back with high amount of glyphosate. After removing gluten I did see improvement in ocd and other behaviors. Hes been having some food with gluten lately and behaviors increased so im going to try to clean up the diet again and see what happens. Could be something else. Its hard to keep on it. We only eat gluten free breads, but haven’t been 100% since i dont believe its the actual gluten itself that’s harmful. Hes not celiac. The thing with gluten sensitivity is probably the glyphosate since research shows the protein in gluten absorbs high amounts of glyphosate and probably is what people are sensitive to - not the actual gluten. Increasing issues with gluten coincided with the implementation of herbicides snd pesticides. Im due to test his level’s again so that will be very telling. Gluten free bread doesn’t taste bad but it’s expensive! If you try it go slow, replacing one thing at a time so its not too abrupt Edit to add: we did test for gluten allergy and it was positive so was another reason to remove it. I recommend running labs before doing anything. Ive done so many labs and now need to redo them soon, My son has bad vomiting and allergies so for a time stripped gluten to try and pinpoint culprit. There was zero change to “autistic traits”. We added it back and same. For him removing dairy has done wonders, in particular for his vomiting but also mucus production, appetite etc. and he is 100% dairy free (no butter, cheese etc). So we are going to stick with the dairy free bit. Personally, I am very skeptical of the “gluten causes autism symptoms” thing to be honest 🤷🏽‍♀️, My twin brother is asd as is my son. My brother did the gluten free diet from ages 5-10. It was concluded their wasn't any effect on eating gluten and asd. (i have read any comments I am just giving my experience). It was one of the hardest things my family did. It was actually completed as a clinical study and he was monitored by a range of doctors and clinicians. I don't wish to give the location of where I'm from I will just say it isn't the USA., 15 years ago I embarked on this journey. It was the most difficult thing I think I ever did. It was the most important thing I ever did. The beginning was the most difficult. I laid on my kitchen floor in tears thinking my child would starve because he would not eat the gluten feee things I gave him. To be fair, this was when there was very little to choose from. I had to make my own, and it the beginning, it wasn’t very good. But we continued on. For my kid, it made such a big difference, there was no turning back. He still literally will only eat one or two types of veggies. But I have found ways to get them in there. If I change a recipe in the slightest, he knows. I invented beet onion crackers (he loves them) but This is an example of how I would get other veggies in. I started small. I looked for gluten free alternatives to things he loved (crackers , pretzels, cookies) and just kept trying to replace things as we went along. Desperately trying not to give him things with gluten, because when I did, behavior was noticeable. My son also had an issue with dairy so it was twice as hard. Two weeks after removing cow’s milk, I started getting hugs, eye contact, laughter and some words. What you are looking at is a marathon, not a sprint. Not all kids benefit from a restricted diet, but many do. Best of luck. You can do it, Gluten and dairy free has worked really well to help my son be calmer and more interactive. He loves soups so we do a lot of bone broth based lentil and veggie soups. He stopped having constant diarrhea which has helped a lot with toilet training., In practice, cutting out all gluten has the effect of also cutting out a huge amount of processed junk food, carbs, and sugars. Unless a child has celiac, I think any perceived improvements in behavior could plausibly be caused by the latter and not the former. The same is true of many strict elimination diets: plant based, keto, paleo, whatever., Remember to watch sugar and salt levels for your kids. Some people don't realise the salt and sugar content of gluten free flour products are 3-4 times higher to cover the unpleasant flavour. My wife is on a very low gluten diet because it helps control the symptoms her IBS., I have a gluten-free diet because I have celiac disease., Knowing your partner's and your own food allergies helps work out what the child can and cannot eat. Observation is the key here. My wife cannot handle wheat and dairy. I have children that can handle wheat, and other kids that just can't. I also have a lactose free kid too, but since the lactose free milk has come into the house, I have another child that is happier on the lactose free milk. Said he liked that milk better. Stomach pains are hard to diagnose, but kids tend to know intuitively what help and what hurts. The trick to pay attention to it and don't force them to eat they don't like. It is also normal for kids to go on and off foods. Allow for that too. PS there is two types of allergy reactions. 1) The adverse reaction. Rash, lumps, etc. 2) The kid cannot get enough of it, so much so they eat it to excess or exclusively. Yet again, Observation is the key. Having said that, my youngest has spent 7 months eating gluten free chicken nuggets, and fritz/devon sandwiches. And he is fine., No difference. But less sugar helps us, My (allistic/ ADHD) daughter has Celiac, so we keep a pretty Gluten free home. Nothing changed for my autistic son during the switch-over. That said, the GF market is pretty robust right now. There are a lot of GF alternatives, and they aren't really that bad (some are even nearly identical or better, such as GF Oreos). But my daughter still gets sad sometimes when she can't get all the gluten things., This topic is controversial. I've seen some people get very aggressive arguing about this. Especially since the doctors who promote this diet are generally anti-vaxxers. In my personal experience with a gluten-free diet, I do think my daughter behaves better, but I haven't noticed any changes in her speech. The truth is that today's food is crap. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to eat organic, which isn't possible for many people. Also, gluten and cow's milk suck. This is something that has been happening for some time now, due to the genetic modifications that have been made to the grains and everything that is grown in general (blame Monsanto) That is, what we ate when we were children no longer exists. What our children eat today, no matter how fresh and unprocessed, is screwed from the seed, from the soil where it was planted. So a gluten-free and dairy-free diet is recommended for autistic and non-autistic people. If you are thinking of making the change, go for it. To give you some examples of how to make the change: at home we eat gluten-free pasta and pastries that can be made of chia, quinoa or lentils; organic rice (regular rice is full of arsenic), vegetable milk. In addition, my daughter eats eggs, meat, fish, yucca, fruits, nuts of all kinds. My partner and I eat gluten from time to time. Our food budget went up significantly, but we think it's worth it., My son is on a gluten free diet because he has celiac disease & i haven’t notice any changes in behavior. Also its advised not to start a gluten free diet because if your child ever needed to be tested for celiac disease it could affect the results., We had to do an elimination diet for awhile. Gluten caused no difference. Dairy caused GI issues, which then caused behavioral issues - but it’s obviously a sensitivity. I will note that food sensitivities can cause symptoms that may look like neurodivergent struggles, or increase them. I have a corn sensitivity/mild allergy (which, corn is in literally everything), and my first symptom is rage and/or a meltdown. I imagine in a child who doesn’t understand what’s happening, it would be even more severe., I think that because some autistic kids legitimately have celiac disease or a gut issue exacerbated by their diet, a small number of parents did see an improvement by drastically changing their kids diet and rave about it but it isn’t going to make a difference for most kids. If you suspect a GI issue you could see a pediatric gastroenterologist. I took my son to one who cleared him of any digestive issues., My kiddo eats a limited variety of foods. They're mostly pretty healthy foods so I'd hesitate to cut anything out tbh. They're not allergic to anything. There's a correlation between gut health and autism per some studies but I suppose that it varies on a person to person basis and I'd hesitate to starve my kiddo cos they'll starve rather than eat what I give them - eating is only on their terms., Tried it. I don't really see any noticeable difference except that it's more expensive. Maybe for one child, but that's because he has food intolerances that we can't test for yet until he's 3., This did not work on me at all just gave me anorexia xxx, I also don’t believe poor nutrition causes autism symptoms, but a healthy diet or a tailored diet is beneficial for everyone, autistic or not. Yeah , there may be pseudoscience minded people who think a diet “cures” autism, but there’s also those who are careful to not put more fuel to the fire . A cavity may be exacerbating self-injury just as much as being constipated, I hear you. Thank you for the perspective!, New research was just published, You're right. Thank you!, thank you for sharing so much info, appreciate it. the only thing I want to gently respond to is looking for diets to curb stimming behaviors — these are normal, and a large part of autistic overwhelm and meltdowns is living in a world that doesn’t allow us to act like ourselves. learning to unmask (in my late 20s) has saved my life. of course, I’m not referring to the head-banging bit. aggression or anything that causes danger to them (or others) should be addressed. just wanted to warmly suggest being open to letting the kid express themself as they are. glad to hear you guys have definitive test results… came here bc I feel like GF diet hasn’t noticeably helped me with behavioral/emotional regulating challenges and am losing weight (in a bad way). wanted to hear folks’ stories and this shows me I should just try to get some tests done to see if it’s even worth it or not., !!! I’m impressed. What are beet onion crackers?, Would you mind sharing the recipe for the bone broth lentil soup?, Could you elaborate a little more on the second type of allergy reaction? Where they eat a food to excess?, Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I hope you feel much better now. Big hug., Saying what?, Stimming is not “normal” it’s indicative of neurological issue, a problem. Personally I like to address any symptom of a medical issue. Many tend to confuse personality with stimming from an illness. No, stimming is not part of an autistic kid’s personality. I dont curb his personality quirks, hoping he’s not “normal” in that sense. We have to be very careful to distinguish the two. Being stuck in a painful cycle of stims is not a good thing. You let them go through it because its a relief in that moment of perpetual pain. But I dont accept it long term because its rooted in illness. You allow them to stim while looking for the cause of that illness. We’re not trying to change personas or likes and dislikes., Ever had a food you love, but it really doesn't like you later? That is the main direction.... Sometimes you feel ill, but in this case, you don't. You just want more. Excessively more. When you find yourself eating a food and it doesn't seem to be filling you up, nor giving you good energy, but you just can't seem stop eating it at all. Your body just stores it, because the body doesn't know how to deal with it, but you can't seem to stop eating it. It's actually one of hardest allergy to deal with. Because you think it's fine, but it's not providing any benefits to your body, which stops you from eating what you should be eating, because you are addicted to this food you're allergic too. Example. My partner couldn't get enough of hazelnut. She would eat a family size block of choc-hazelnut, or binge on nutella, and she had no clue she was eating it till it was all gone. We stopped buying Nutella and she started eating properly again. She would pine for Nutella, but we wouldn't buy because the container would be empty before we even got home. Because she was subtley allergic to hazelnut, her system couldnt tell her to eat what she nutritionly needed until the hazelnut cleared out of her system. Usually about 2 days later. I am hoping this makes sense here. It's hard to describe with my limited English.., Thank you, Before reading the rest of my comment, if you take anything away from this, then hear this: if you haven’t read Unmasking Autism, I can’t recommend it enough. I don’t care how much research anyone’s done on their own, this is such a rare, inclusive look at what being Autistic means, written by an Autistic psychologist. It changed my life and it’s saved so many relationships I didn’t know could flourish. It’s helped me accept myself, and helped others understand my experience and how to support me. I didn’t say stimming is someone’s personality - it’s a way of regulating one’s nervous system. So long as it’s not literally hurting anybody, why refuse to let someone stim (notice I’m not saying all forms of stimming should be accepted). There are plenty of ways neurotypicals attempt to self-regulate their own nervous systems, most of the time unconsciously. We are trained to believe certain behaviors are socially acceptable and others are not. I would much rather rock back and forth, sit on the floor with my legs on the wall, play with stim toys, hum, etc. rather than take medications that are harmful on my body. Releasing “energy” in this way is completely normal. Pathologizing neurodiverse cognitive processes can be as harmful as it can be helpful. I understand I’m speaking from a fairly privileged position in the sense that I have lower support needs than some autists and that my stims aren’t harmful to myself or others for the most part. As far as things like head-banging go, I regularly attend therapy, take antidepressants daily, and have anxiety medications for if I need them. Therapy has saved my life and most of our sessions include me learning to be more comfortable with myself instead of shoving that person down to conform to our social programming. I’m going to be weird, according to some folks. But in being myself I have infinitely less meltdowns and therefore much less head-banging and self harming. While your kid has disabilities, he’s not broken. Please treat him as a person you need to get to know and learn how to sustainably accommodate, instead of trying to form him to a cookie cutter mould he’ll never perfectly fit into. I’m not saying don’t seek treatment or support. I’m just asking you to consider the way you view it., Thank you. I have a almost 3 year old that will eat so much yoghurt in a day if I let him, and it’s interesting to think about that possibly as an allergy., I’m just not sure you understand what Im saying. I get your point 100% but I think you missed mine. Right now, as I watch my son open and closing the door to Starbucks so much that he’s breaking a sweat - I understand he needs to do this. But what i wont accept is not TRYING to find and cure the cause of this OCD. Or stim, tic…whatever. I wish that my parents would’ve dedicated as much time as I have to making my sons life as painless as possible. He may open and close doors repeatedly the rest of his life but Im not going to just sit around and say this disorder is just him being him. Every child is different and maybe in your situation your approach is appropriate. Thank you for caring., Stimming and OCD are not the same thing. If you have pathologized stimming, it can increase anxiety and intrusive thoughts, leading to OCD. Listen to what the person with autism is saying to you. Get treatment for OCD, but accept autism, which can include stimming.

Gluten free?

My asd son (3) is non verbal. I’ve heard that some kids develop language after going gluten free. Has anyone had any experience with this?

There is no proof that gluten affects autism. If your child has gluten intolerance as proven by medical testing, it may help. It will not help develop language, just will help your child be more comfortable., Until I see some peer reviewed studies in reputable scientific journals on the subject, think I'll continue to give my kid pasta., My little guy is sensitive to gluten. He breaks out into rashes all over his arms and legs and gets major bum rash and diarrhea. He stims uncontrollably aswell. Going gluten free hasn't gotten rid of his autism but it certainly reduces some symptoms (I think he was stimming more from an upset belly) and got rid of his rash and eczema. Nothing wrong with trying it but I don't think it will boost your child's language development., Look i’m autistic and found out i was celiac a few years ago so haven’t eaten gluten, anecdotally there was zero difference in my autism symptoms/presentation. Simply gastro intensional relief. For us as well, My son was non verbal at 3 as well but now at 4 has a good collection of gestalt scripts. Didn’t change his diet or anything., gf is not a one size fit all approach., Honestly? A lot of things that end up “helping” are coincidences because of timing. In other words, a child that went off gluten in May and started talking in July was *always* going to develop that way. But since you can’t do it twice, it gets misattributed to diet change or whatever the parent did. If your child had undiagnosed celiac, it will help their digestion., I’ve been told by a doctor of psychology who is on the spectrum and whom I deeply trust that…there is preliminary scientific agreement that ASD has some connection to the immune system, but the specific nature of this is poorly understood. In general, in the aggregate, foods that cause less inflammation are probably a good idea. But I have a picky eater and I don’t know how I would keep him alive without pasta. Good luck getting info about medical/dietary treatment from a pediatrician, as I have had no luck with this! Please let us know what you find out, if anything, My sons diet is way too restrictive to try gluten free ~but~ but about 3 months ago after kindergarten ended I started doing heavy metal detox baths with baking soda, Epsom salt, and Aztec clay powder 20mins/2x/week for my son and his speech exploded and behaviors like eloping, SIB, and aggression decreased tremendously. I seen lots of parents come for other parents trying holistic things that are not necessarily evidence based successes. I’m not promoting “pseudo-science” as many might call it for anybody else to try just sharing my personal experience with my family.

Good Suburb recommendations for kids on the Autism spectrum in Dallas & Fort Worth area?

&#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/ivv74utrwsrc1.png?width=936&format=png&auto=webp&s=85737d5156dd9ce96b56ccc6c16ba114c8cefd2d

I am in the DFW area and my son attends Frisco ISD. Our experience has been some what positive. I say so because there is a ton we expect from the school however the school does not provide the same. I have recently learned that hiring a lawyer for the kids IEP is a great idea. That's exactly what I am going to do. DM me if you need anything else Good luck, I am in the DFW area and my son attends Frisco ISD. Our experience has been some what positive. I say so because there is a ton we expect from the school however the school does not provide the same. I have recently learned that hiring a lawyer for the kids IEP is a great idea. That's exactly what I am going to do. DM me if you need anything else Good luck, I am in the DFW area and my son attends Frisco ISD. Our experience has been some what positive. I say so because there is a ton we expect from the school however the school does not provide the same. I have recently learned that hiring a lawyer for the kids IEP is a great idea. That's exactly what I am going to do. DM me if you need anything else Good luck, I am in the DFW area and my son attends Frisco ISD. Our experience has been some what positive. I say so because there is a ton we expect from the school however the school does not provide the same. I have recently learned that hiring a lawyer for the kids IEP is a great idea. That's exactly what I am going to do. DM me if you need anything else Good luck

GrandChild on the Spectrum - Advice needed

Does anyone know if there is a program to help kids? Something like **MetaQuest Virtual Reality** or a documentary on YouTube? I know we have Love on the Spectrum but our granddaughter is Eight & really struggling. I want her to see there are kids like her & help her cope. Her parents are not together. Her mother was allowing her birth father full access to her but his mental health problems & alcoholism have made it rather risky for her to visit him. He has moved a heroin addict in with him & her 8 mo baby. She has felony charges on her & is 10 mo sober BUT I feel our granddaughter should not go to their home; maybe have supervised visits with her father at McDonalds or something. Even at her own house. Her mom, our daughter, married someone else & has a 1-year & 2-year with him. So it makes the 8-yr-old feel left out. She cried for 3 hours tonight & could not say why except she doesn't want to be this way. I dont know how to reach her. She doesnt want to talk about her feelings but is going to weekly counseling. It's really scary. She is going on a low-dose antidepressant but the pharmacy is out right now.

There’s a lot of information out there that either didn’t suit our situation or wasn’t at the right level for my kid. But I did like this video: https://youtu.be/Wsq7kejWpY8?feature=shared, I wonder what she means by being this way? Is it social? Physical? Emotional? Intellectual? Something else entirely? I don’t mean to be pedantic but I need to ask because it’s incredibly hard and most people don’t do this. Have you or her parents or even her counselor tried listening to her and asking questions with 0 judgement, projection or problem solving? What I mean is, not making any assumptions about how she is feeling, maybe even treating her like an alien with unknown biology, and then asking questions when you feel confused even if they feel stupid. I say this because she’s probably very sensitive to a lot of things including judgement, and she has a very different configuration of neurons than anyone in the family can imagine. She’s probably feeling very isolated. Especially at 8 since that’s when serotonin drops and the rational prefrontal cortex comes online. She’s seeing her situation clearly and can already tell that it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Here’s another post I made to help you step into what her shoes might feel like https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/KETHRiEr5W If you really want to help her I recommend helping her understand her nervous system and body. Food, water, exercise, loving touch, sights, sounds, smells. She needs to learn to trust her body rather than dissociate from it. If it’s saying no to something she needs help carving out the space to slow down and really listen. There’s a deep intelligence in all our bodies and hers has the volume dialed up to 11., Your granddaughter should be entitled to social support in school. Her mother can request an iep meeting to discuss her mental health which can impact her grades. Also, I have seen parents arrange playdates on Facebook in our local SEED (special education and educational differences group) page., I would recommend - whatever you find - to watch it yourself first, keeping your granddaughter in mind. There’s a lot out there that’s negative, and it sounds like that’s the exact opposite of what you want to show her., I looked that up & it was about borderline personality disorder. Is that what you meant to share?, Thank you for that insight. Unfortunately, it would assume everyone here is normal & well adjusted. Mom & maternal Grandma are bipolar, birth father may be undiagnosed schizophrenic & confirmed alcoholic. Both his parents are severe alcoholics with ankle monitors in past. Stepfather means well but is low IQ, didnt finish HS; they live in poverty. We do ask her how she is feeling. She can't or won't express it. Nobody here knows how to deal with her. I didnt have two parents & have tried to tell her my story but she isnt receptive. She only wants to be around her dad. He lets her sit around doing her tablet & Youtube for hours. I tried to arrange a playdate with a nice little girl in our neighborhood & she didnt want to meet her. Her only friend is an older girl (almost 10) who also has multiple problems including ADD, head lice, poor parenting., Thanks, Yes, she has an IEP. We live in a small rural town of 9000 & services are minimal. The poor kid has gone to FOUR schools already by 3rd grade. She was bullied & my daughter put her in a religious school of 18 students, which was a joke. She just started back at public school last mo. She wets her pants, had seat stuffing from school bus stuffed up her nose & 911 was called. All ages ride bus together - kgarten to HS - which I think is wrong. Did find there is a VR program for kids on Spectrum, called **Floreo.** I need to research it more. Looked like only Educators have access to it so I have to see how much it is. Will check out SEED., Thanks. I will def look at it later. Sometimes I need a break from all the trauma & turmoil. Her mom, our daughter, can't deal with her very well & was contemplating giving custody to her father because it makes for so much upset in the home with 1 & 2-yr half sibs., I’m gonna assume you meant NOT normal and well adjusted. That’s intense. Sounds like everyone could do with way more support. Well to start it’s going to take way more than asking how she’s feeling. That question alone probably feels like the top of an impossibly steep mountain for her. She probably doesn’t have a good mapping between her experience and her feelings. I know me and most of my friends didn’t. I’d focus on the physical. Just helping her feel safe in her own body. Rolling, dancing, bouncing. Squeezing her toes. Touching grass barefoot. Those little things go a very long way. Help her learn to give that to herself., I did mean a normal & well-adjusted set of parents might have better insight, resources. Our rag-tag group feels clueless as to what to do. We went over to watch the kids while dau went to psych appt. Our Spectrum girl pulled her leggings down over her feet for well over an hour, sucking on them. We just let her be. She was controlling the tv remote, watching Roblox or something despite GrPa's pleas to let us choose a show., Ahh. Thanks for clarifying. I misread that. The leggings and TV all sound like sensory things. Do you ever ask her specifically what she likes about sucking on the leggings? The taste? The texture? The smell? Is it a distraction from something? Is it a game? Maybe you could even try sucking on something similar and then communicate the sensations you feel to help her find words. The key is to be really curious and safe feeling. As soon as it feels like you’re annoyed that she’s behaving a particular way she’ll probably pick up on that and shut down., Thank you. I did ask her what she was doing. I didnt think to do it myself. Wouldnt want her to think I'm mocking her. She said something about she always does this. I remember another time she was sucking on my daughters bathrobe belt., I think I see the disconnect. What she was doing was obvious, at least to me. She was sucking on her leggings. As a kid I always thought people must be blind or something when they’d ask me “what are you doing?” As if they couldn’t just see me doing whatever it was. Now I understand that most people ask imprecise questions and make a bunch of subconscious assumptions. Autistic people really struggle with ambiguity. It helps to ask what may feel like the same question in different ways. Why do you suck your leggings? Does that feel nice? Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? Do you know what overwhelm feels like? Let’s take some time to explore our inner emotional landscapes, I’ll go first, I’m feeling… Do you see what I mean? It can take a while to find a moment of true connection given how differently both of you process your experiences of the same events., There’s a lot of information out there that either didn’t suit our situation or wasn’t at the right level for my kid. But I did like this video: https://youtu.be/Wsq7kejWpY8?feature=shared, I wonder what she means by being this way? Is it social? Physical? Emotional? Intellectual? Something else entirely? I don’t mean to be pedantic but I need to ask because it’s incredibly hard and most people don’t do this. Have you or her parents or even her counselor tried listening to her and asking questions with 0 judgement, projection or problem solving? What I mean is, not making any assumptions about how she is feeling, maybe even treating her like an alien with unknown biology, and then asking questions when you feel confused even if they feel stupid. I say this because she’s probably very sensitive to a lot of things including judgement, and she has a very different configuration of neurons than anyone in the family can imagine. She’s probably feeling very isolated. Especially at 8 since that’s when serotonin drops and the rational prefrontal cortex comes online. She’s seeing her situation clearly and can already tell that it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Here’s another post I made to help you step into what her shoes might feel like https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/KETHRiEr5W If you really want to help her I recommend helping her understand her nervous system and body. Food, water, exercise, loving touch, sights, sounds, smells. She needs to learn to trust her body rather than dissociate from it. If it’s saying no to something she needs help carving out the space to slow down and really listen. There’s a deep intelligence in all our bodies and hers has the volume dialed up to 11., Your granddaughter should be entitled to social support in school. Her mother can request an iep meeting to discuss her mental health which can impact her grades. Also, I have seen parents arrange playdates on Facebook in our local SEED (special education and educational differences group) page., I would recommend - whatever you find - to watch it yourself first, keeping your granddaughter in mind. There’s a lot out there that’s negative, and it sounds like that’s the exact opposite of what you want to show her., I looked that up & it was about borderline personality disorder. Is that what you meant to share?, Thank you for that insight. Unfortunately, it would assume everyone here is normal & well adjusted. Mom & maternal Grandma are bipolar, birth father may be undiagnosed schizophrenic & confirmed alcoholic. Both his parents are severe alcoholics with ankle monitors in past. Stepfather means well but is low IQ, didnt finish HS; they live in poverty. We do ask her how she is feeling. She can't or won't express it. Nobody here knows how to deal with her. I didnt have two parents & have tried to tell her my story but she isnt receptive. She only wants to be around her dad. He lets her sit around doing her tablet & Youtube for hours. I tried to arrange a playdate with a nice little girl in our neighborhood & she didnt want to meet her. Her only friend is an older girl (almost 10) who also has multiple problems including ADD, head lice, poor parenting., Thanks, Yes, she has an IEP. We live in a small rural town of 9000 & services are minimal. The poor kid has gone to FOUR schools already by 3rd grade. She was bullied & my daughter put her in a religious school of 18 students, which was a joke. She just started back at public school last mo. She wets her pants, had seat stuffing from school bus stuffed up her nose & 911 was called. All ages ride bus together - kgarten to HS - which I think is wrong. Did find there is a VR program for kids on Spectrum, called **Floreo.** I need to research it more. Looked like only Educators have access to it so I have to see how much it is. Will check out SEED., Thanks. I will def look at it later. Sometimes I need a break from all the trauma & turmoil. Her mom, our daughter, can't deal with her very well & was contemplating giving custody to her father because it makes for so much upset in the home with 1 & 2-yr half sibs., I’m gonna assume you meant NOT normal and well adjusted. That’s intense. Sounds like everyone could do with way more support. Well to start it’s going to take way more than asking how she’s feeling. That question alone probably feels like the top of an impossibly steep mountain for her. She probably doesn’t have a good mapping between her experience and her feelings. I know me and most of my friends didn’t. I’d focus on the physical. Just helping her feel safe in her own body. Rolling, dancing, bouncing. Squeezing her toes. Touching grass barefoot. Those little things go a very long way. Help her learn to give that to herself., I did mean a normal & well-adjusted set of parents might have better insight, resources. Our rag-tag group feels clueless as to what to do. We went over to watch the kids while dau went to psych appt. Our Spectrum girl pulled her leggings down over her feet for well over an hour, sucking on them. We just let her be. She was controlling the tv remote, watching Roblox or something despite GrPa's pleas to let us choose a show., Ahh. Thanks for clarifying. I misread that. The leggings and TV all sound like sensory things. Do you ever ask her specifically what she likes about sucking on the leggings? The taste? The texture? The smell? Is it a distraction from something? Is it a game? Maybe you could even try sucking on something similar and then communicate the sensations you feel to help her find words. The key is to be really curious and safe feeling. As soon as it feels like you’re annoyed that she’s behaving a particular way she’ll probably pick up on that and shut down., Thank you. I did ask her what she was doing. I didnt think to do it myself. Wouldnt want her to think I'm mocking her. She said something about she always does this. I remember another time she was sucking on my daughters bathrobe belt., I think I see the disconnect. What she was doing was obvious, at least to me. She was sucking on her leggings. As a kid I always thought people must be blind or something when they’d ask me “what are you doing?” As if they couldn’t just see me doing whatever it was. Now I understand that most people ask imprecise questions and make a bunch of subconscious assumptions. Autistic people really struggle with ambiguity. It helps to ask what may feel like the same question in different ways. Why do you suck your leggings? Does that feel nice? Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? Do you know what overwhelm feels like? Let’s take some time to explore our inner emotional landscapes, I’ll go first, I’m feeling… Do you see what I mean? It can take a while to find a moment of true connection given how differently both of you process your experiences of the same events., There’s a lot of information out there that either didn’t suit our situation or wasn’t at the right level for my kid. But I did like this video: https://youtu.be/Wsq7kejWpY8?feature=shared, I wonder what she means by being this way? Is it social? Physical? Emotional? Intellectual? Something else entirely? I don’t mean to be pedantic but I need to ask because it’s incredibly hard and most people don’t do this. Have you or her parents or even her counselor tried listening to her and asking questions with 0 judgement, projection or problem solving? What I mean is, not making any assumptions about how she is feeling, maybe even treating her like an alien with unknown biology, and then asking questions when you feel confused even if they feel stupid. I say this because she’s probably very sensitive to a lot of things including judgement, and she has a very different configuration of neurons than anyone in the family can imagine. She’s probably feeling very isolated. Especially at 8 since that’s when serotonin drops and the rational prefrontal cortex comes online. She’s seeing her situation clearly and can already tell that it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Here’s another post I made to help you step into what her shoes might feel like https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/KETHRiEr5W If you really want to help her I recommend helping her understand her nervous system and body. Food, water, exercise, loving touch, sights, sounds, smells. She needs to learn to trust her body rather than dissociate from it. If it’s saying no to something she needs help carving out the space to slow down and really listen. There’s a deep intelligence in all our bodies and hers has the volume dialed up to 11., Your granddaughter should be entitled to social support in school. Her mother can request an iep meeting to discuss her mental health which can impact her grades. Also, I have seen parents arrange playdates on Facebook in our local SEED (special education and educational differences group) page., I would recommend - whatever you find - to watch it yourself first, keeping your granddaughter in mind. There’s a lot out there that’s negative, and it sounds like that’s the exact opposite of what you want to show her., I looked that up & it was about borderline personality disorder. Is that what you meant to share?, Thank you for that insight. Unfortunately, it would assume everyone here is normal & well adjusted. Mom & maternal Grandma are bipolar, birth father may be undiagnosed schizophrenic & confirmed alcoholic. Both his parents are severe alcoholics with ankle monitors in past. Stepfather means well but is low IQ, didnt finish HS; they live in poverty. We do ask her how she is feeling. She can't or won't express it. Nobody here knows how to deal with her. I didnt have two parents & have tried to tell her my story but she isnt receptive. She only wants to be around her dad. He lets her sit around doing her tablet & Youtube for hours. I tried to arrange a playdate with a nice little girl in our neighborhood & she didnt want to meet her. Her only friend is an older girl (almost 10) who also has multiple problems including ADD, head lice, poor parenting., Thanks, Yes, she has an IEP. We live in a small rural town of 9000 & services are minimal. The poor kid has gone to FOUR schools already by 3rd grade. She was bullied & my daughter put her in a religious school of 18 students, which was a joke. She just started back at public school last mo. She wets her pants, had seat stuffing from school bus stuffed up her nose & 911 was called. All ages ride bus together - kgarten to HS - which I think is wrong. Did find there is a VR program for kids on Spectrum, called **Floreo.** I need to research it more. Looked like only Educators have access to it so I have to see how much it is. Will check out SEED., Thanks. I will def look at it later. Sometimes I need a break from all the trauma & turmoil. Her mom, our daughter, can't deal with her very well & was contemplating giving custody to her father because it makes for so much upset in the home with 1 & 2-yr half sibs., I’m gonna assume you meant NOT normal and well adjusted. That’s intense. Sounds like everyone could do with way more support. Well to start it’s going to take way more than asking how she’s feeling. That question alone probably feels like the top of an impossibly steep mountain for her. She probably doesn’t have a good mapping between her experience and her feelings. I know me and most of my friends didn’t. I’d focus on the physical. Just helping her feel safe in her own body. Rolling, dancing, bouncing. Squeezing her toes. Touching grass barefoot. Those little things go a very long way. Help her learn to give that to herself., I did mean a normal & well-adjusted set of parents might have better insight, resources. Our rag-tag group feels clueless as to what to do. We went over to watch the kids while dau went to psych appt. Our Spectrum girl pulled her leggings down over her feet for well over an hour, sucking on them. We just let her be. She was controlling the tv remote, watching Roblox or something despite GrPa's pleas to let us choose a show., Ahh. Thanks for clarifying. I misread that. The leggings and TV all sound like sensory things. Do you ever ask her specifically what she likes about sucking on the leggings? The taste? The texture? The smell? Is it a distraction from something? Is it a game? Maybe you could even try sucking on something similar and then communicate the sensations you feel to help her find words. The key is to be really curious and safe feeling. As soon as it feels like you’re annoyed that she’s behaving a particular way she’ll probably pick up on that and shut down., Thank you. I did ask her what she was doing. I didnt think to do it myself. Wouldnt want her to think I'm mocking her. She said something about she always does this. I remember another time she was sucking on my daughters bathrobe belt., I think I see the disconnect. What she was doing was obvious, at least to me. She was sucking on her leggings. As a kid I always thought people must be blind or something when they’d ask me “what are you doing?” As if they couldn’t just see me doing whatever it was. Now I understand that most people ask imprecise questions and make a bunch of subconscious assumptions. Autistic people really struggle with ambiguity. It helps to ask what may feel like the same question in different ways. Why do you suck your leggings? Does that feel nice? Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? Do you know what overwhelm feels like? Let’s take some time to explore our inner emotional landscapes, I’ll go first, I’m feeling… Do you see what I mean? It can take a while to find a moment of true connection given how differently both of you process your experiences of the same events., There’s a lot of information out there that either didn’t suit our situation or wasn’t at the right level for my kid. But I did like this video: https://youtu.be/Wsq7kejWpY8?feature=shared, I wonder what she means by being this way? Is it social? Physical? Emotional? Intellectual? Something else entirely? I don’t mean to be pedantic but I need to ask because it’s incredibly hard and most people don’t do this. Have you or her parents or even her counselor tried listening to her and asking questions with 0 judgement, projection or problem solving? What I mean is, not making any assumptions about how she is feeling, maybe even treating her like an alien with unknown biology, and then asking questions when you feel confused even if they feel stupid. I say this because she’s probably very sensitive to a lot of things including judgement, and she has a very different configuration of neurons than anyone in the family can imagine. She’s probably feeling very isolated. Especially at 8 since that’s when serotonin drops and the rational prefrontal cortex comes online. She’s seeing her situation clearly and can already tell that it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Here’s another post I made to help you step into what her shoes might feel like https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/KETHRiEr5W If you really want to help her I recommend helping her understand her nervous system and body. Food, water, exercise, loving touch, sights, sounds, smells. She needs to learn to trust her body rather than dissociate from it. If it’s saying no to something she needs help carving out the space to slow down and really listen. There’s a deep intelligence in all our bodies and hers has the volume dialed up to 11., Your granddaughter should be entitled to social support in school. Her mother can request an iep meeting to discuss her mental health which can impact her grades. Also, I have seen parents arrange playdates on Facebook in our local SEED (special education and educational differences group) page., I would recommend - whatever you find - to watch it yourself first, keeping your granddaughter in mind. There’s a lot out there that’s negative, and it sounds like that’s the exact opposite of what you want to show her., I looked that up & it was about borderline personality disorder. Is that what you meant to share?, Thank you for that insight. Unfortunately, it would assume everyone here is normal & well adjusted. Mom & maternal Grandma are bipolar, birth father may be undiagnosed schizophrenic & confirmed alcoholic. Both his parents are severe alcoholics with ankle monitors in past. Stepfather means well but is low IQ, didnt finish HS; they live in poverty. We do ask her how she is feeling. She can't or won't express it. Nobody here knows how to deal with her. I didnt have two parents & have tried to tell her my story but she isnt receptive. She only wants to be around her dad. He lets her sit around doing her tablet & Youtube for hours. I tried to arrange a playdate with a nice little girl in our neighborhood & she didnt want to meet her. Her only friend is an older girl (almost 10) who also has multiple problems including ADD, head lice, poor parenting., Thanks, Yes, she has an IEP. We live in a small rural town of 9000 & services are minimal. The poor kid has gone to FOUR schools already by 3rd grade. She was bullied & my daughter put her in a religious school of 18 students, which was a joke. She just started back at public school last mo. She wets her pants, had seat stuffing from school bus stuffed up her nose & 911 was called. All ages ride bus together - kgarten to HS - which I think is wrong. Did find there is a VR program for kids on Spectrum, called **Floreo.** I need to research it more. Looked like only Educators have access to it so I have to see how much it is. Will check out SEED., Thanks. I will def look at it later. Sometimes I need a break from all the trauma & turmoil. Her mom, our daughter, can't deal with her very well & was contemplating giving custody to her father because it makes for so much upset in the home with 1 & 2-yr half sibs., I’m gonna assume you meant NOT normal and well adjusted. That’s intense. Sounds like everyone could do with way more support. Well to start it’s going to take way more than asking how she’s feeling. That question alone probably feels like the top of an impossibly steep mountain for her. She probably doesn’t have a good mapping between her experience and her feelings. I know me and most of my friends didn’t. I’d focus on the physical. Just helping her feel safe in her own body. Rolling, dancing, bouncing. Squeezing her toes. Touching grass barefoot. Those little things go a very long way. Help her learn to give that to herself., I did mean a normal & well-adjusted set of parents might have better insight, resources. Our rag-tag group feels clueless as to what to do. We went over to watch the kids while dau went to psych appt. Our Spectrum girl pulled her leggings down over her feet for well over an hour, sucking on them. We just let her be. She was controlling the tv remote, watching Roblox or something despite GrPa's pleas to let us choose a show., Ahh. Thanks for clarifying. I misread that. The leggings and TV all sound like sensory things. Do you ever ask her specifically what she likes about sucking on the leggings? The taste? The texture? The smell? Is it a distraction from something? Is it a game? Maybe you could even try sucking on something similar and then communicate the sensations you feel to help her find words. The key is to be really curious and safe feeling. As soon as it feels like you’re annoyed that she’s behaving a particular way she’ll probably pick up on that and shut down., Thank you. I did ask her what she was doing. I didnt think to do it myself. Wouldnt want her to think I'm mocking her. She said something about she always does this. I remember another time she was sucking on my daughters bathrobe belt., I think I see the disconnect. What she was doing was obvious, at least to me. She was sucking on her leggings. As a kid I always thought people must be blind or something when they’d ask me “what are you doing?” As if they couldn’t just see me doing whatever it was. Now I understand that most people ask imprecise questions and make a bunch of subconscious assumptions. Autistic people really struggle with ambiguity. It helps to ask what may feel like the same question in different ways. Why do you suck your leggings? Does that feel nice? Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? Do you know what overwhelm feels like? Let’s take some time to explore our inner emotional landscapes, I’ll go first, I’m feeling… Do you see what I mean? It can take a while to find a moment of true connection given how differently both of you process your experiences of the same events.

Guitar Playing Parents

I taught myself to play guitar as a kid and I have very little concept of the math behind music. I want to teach my son how to play but don't really know the best approach. I learned barre chords and played Nirvana a lot in the beginning. But learning actual chords took a lot of work and he will likely get frustrated and dip out to grab his tablet. Chords first or barre chords first? Just looking for suggestions so he doesn't block it for good. Thanks!

Power chords first. Feel the power. Make the noise., If the tablet is something he prefers, maybe try an app like Yousician? He gets the tablet WHILE he learns to play, could make it more motivating!, Or what about starting with a ukulele? Not sure how old he is but a uke takes a lot less dexterity and finger strength, and many chords can be made with only one or two fingers., Power chords first. Feel the power. Make the noise., If the tablet is something he prefers, maybe try an app like Yousician? He gets the tablet WHILE he learns to play, could make it more motivating!, Or what about starting with a ukulele? Not sure how old he is but a uke takes a lot less dexterity and finger strength, and many chords can be made with only one or two fingers., Power chords first. Feel the power. Make the noise., If the tablet is something he prefers, maybe try an app like Yousician? He gets the tablet WHILE he learns to play, could make it more motivating!, Or what about starting with a ukulele? Not sure how old he is but a uke takes a lot less dexterity and finger strength, and many chords can be made with only one or two fingers., Power chords first. Feel the power. Make the noise., If the tablet is something he prefers, maybe try an app like Yousician? He gets the tablet WHILE he learns to play, could make it more motivating!, Or what about starting with a ukulele? Not sure how old he is but a uke takes a lot less dexterity and finger strength, and many chords can be made with only one or two fingers.

Haircut

I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to give my 5 year old son a haircut? He’s autistic and non verbal. Haircuts have always been a little iffy but nothing to crazy. Then one day he decided he didn’t like to be dirty, so all the hair falling on the floor and on him made it to where he didn’t want his hair cut anymore. He won’t wear the cape or a towel. I’ve tried everything I can think of I just would like him to have a nice haircut but nothing works. He also won’t sit down to where I can even try to cut his hair. He runs away the minute he sees the clippers or scissors or I try to get near him. Can anyone give me some tips?

Check out calming clippers on amazon We use a quiet cordless baby hair trimmer while on a golf cart. I put a big t shirt on him and chip clip it so hair doesnt fall on his neck/clothes, he wont tolerate a cape. It was a game changer after 2 years of traumatizing haircuts. Now we have easy fun low stress haircuts. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Repeat., Licensed Cosmo/ASD mom chiming in. Do the haircut outside standing in the grass? He won’t see the clippings and you can explain that it’s not dirty because birds, bunnies, and mice take our old hair to make their nests warm and cozy (they really do). The clippers are perceived as “quieter” competing against all the other ambient noise. Just throwing some ideas out there., My son is 3 nonverbal and has huge sensory issues with things touching his head and face. What helped him the most was actually using scissors! Calming quiet clippers like someone else mentioned for the sides and scissors on the top is what we do. We’ve been going to the same hair salon for 2 years now and he’s had the same lady every time, we come from OT and the entire OT session is sensory calming and prep for his haircut. Lastly I bring his weighted blanket which helps him to stay sitting and calms him down a lot. I give him my phone and and he just chills. When we first started haircuts it was crying and miserable 😩 but today was the first time he had absolutely no issue with it. I hope this helps!, Alternatively: could you grow his hair out enough to make haircuts infrequent? I wanted to do that for my kid, but he didn’t like hair brushing, so it was a trade off, Does showing him videos of people getting their hair cut help at all? For our kid prepping him is often helpful, but it’s a tough one - the noise alone is a lot, I’ve tried after he comes from OT too. And nothing. He won’t stay anywhere and sit or stand long enough to even clip one piece of hair. He won’t wear anything. I mean nothing. He just screams and cries. And runs away you can’t get near him. I’ve tried everybody’s ideas I guess I’m out of luck because nothing works. He’s a heavy sleepy and I’ve even tried to trim his hair while he’s asleep and he wakes up immediately. Thank you all for your ideas., No suggestions. Just offering solidarity, as I am in the same boat., I have calming clippers and a quieter electric clipper too. Nothing works. He won’t wear anything on him. It’s not the act of the hair cut it’s the hair falling and he can see it and knows it’s falling. Nothing distracts him. And he screams bloody murder., That’s actually pretty smart thank you so much I’ll try that too, We did this with one of my kiddos. All the other moms were jealous of how good his long hair looked., No I tried that too. Even with the calming clippers, It’s a rough boat to be in I feel for you, Youre going to think im crazy but what about a hair trimmer that sucks up the hair https://preview.redd.it/y63f1zb0chrc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c4e96cda291707f5d24bec62fd8868aea9257e2, I didn’t even know they made those lol is it super loud? I totally would try that at this point that would be amazing., Check out calming clippers on amazon We use a quiet cordless baby hair trimmer while on a golf cart. I put a big t shirt on him and chip clip it so hair doesnt fall on his neck/clothes, he wont tolerate a cape. It was a game changer after 2 years of traumatizing haircuts. Now we have easy fun low stress haircuts. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Repeat., Licensed Cosmo/ASD mom chiming in. Do the haircut outside standing in the grass? He won’t see the clippings and you can explain that it’s not dirty because birds, bunnies, and mice take our old hair to make their nests warm and cozy (they really do). The clippers are perceived as “quieter” competing against all the other ambient noise. Just throwing some ideas out there., My son is 3 nonverbal and has huge sensory issues with things touching his head and face. What helped him the most was actually using scissors! Calming quiet clippers like someone else mentioned for the sides and scissors on the top is what we do. We’ve been going to the same hair salon for 2 years now and he’s had the same lady every time, we come from OT and the entire OT session is sensory calming and prep for his haircut. Lastly I bring his weighted blanket which helps him to stay sitting and calms him down a lot. I give him my phone and and he just chills. When we first started haircuts it was crying and miserable 😩 but today was the first time he had absolutely no issue with it. I hope this helps!, Alternatively: could you grow his hair out enough to make haircuts infrequent? I wanted to do that for my kid, but he didn’t like hair brushing, so it was a trade off, Does showing him videos of people getting their hair cut help at all? For our kid prepping him is often helpful, but it’s a tough one - the noise alone is a lot, I’ve tried after he comes from OT too. And nothing. He won’t stay anywhere and sit or stand long enough to even clip one piece of hair. He won’t wear anything. I mean nothing. He just screams and cries. And runs away you can’t get near him. I’ve tried everybody’s ideas I guess I’m out of luck because nothing works. He’s a heavy sleepy and I’ve even tried to trim his hair while he’s asleep and he wakes up immediately. Thank you all for your ideas., No suggestions. Just offering solidarity, as I am in the same boat., I have calming clippers and a quieter electric clipper too. Nothing works. He won’t wear anything on him. It’s not the act of the hair cut it’s the hair falling and he can see it and knows it’s falling. Nothing distracts him. And he screams bloody murder., That’s actually pretty smart thank you so much I’ll try that too, We did this with one of my kiddos. All the other moms were jealous of how good his long hair looked., No I tried that too. Even with the calming clippers, It’s a rough boat to be in I feel for you, Youre going to think im crazy but what about a hair trimmer that sucks up the hair https://preview.redd.it/y63f1zb0chrc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c4e96cda291707f5d24bec62fd8868aea9257e2, I didn’t even know they made those lol is it super loud? I totally would try that at this point that would be amazing., Check out calming clippers on amazon We use a quiet cordless baby hair trimmer while on a golf cart. I put a big t shirt on him and chip clip it so hair doesnt fall on his neck/clothes, he wont tolerate a cape. It was a game changer after 2 years of traumatizing haircuts. Now we have easy fun low stress haircuts. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Repeat., Licensed Cosmo/ASD mom chiming in. Do the haircut outside standing in the grass? He won’t see the clippings and you can explain that it’s not dirty because birds, bunnies, and mice take our old hair to make their nests warm and cozy (they really do). The clippers are perceived as “quieter” competing against all the other ambient noise. Just throwing some ideas out there., My son is 3 nonverbal and has huge sensory issues with things touching his head and face. What helped him the most was actually using scissors! Calming quiet clippers like someone else mentioned for the sides and scissors on the top is what we do. We’ve been going to the same hair salon for 2 years now and he’s had the same lady every time, we come from OT and the entire OT session is sensory calming and prep for his haircut. Lastly I bring his weighted blanket which helps him to stay sitting and calms him down a lot. I give him my phone and and he just chills. When we first started haircuts it was crying and miserable 😩 but today was the first time he had absolutely no issue with it. I hope this helps!, Alternatively: could you grow his hair out enough to make haircuts infrequent? I wanted to do that for my kid, but he didn’t like hair brushing, so it was a trade off, Does showing him videos of people getting their hair cut help at all? For our kid prepping him is often helpful, but it’s a tough one - the noise alone is a lot, I’ve tried after he comes from OT too. And nothing. He won’t stay anywhere and sit or stand long enough to even clip one piece of hair. He won’t wear anything. I mean nothing. He just screams and cries. And runs away you can’t get near him. I’ve tried everybody’s ideas I guess I’m out of luck because nothing works. He’s a heavy sleepy and I’ve even tried to trim his hair while he’s asleep and he wakes up immediately. Thank you all for your ideas., No suggestions. Just offering solidarity, as I am in the same boat., I have calming clippers and a quieter electric clipper too. Nothing works. He won’t wear anything on him. It’s not the act of the hair cut it’s the hair falling and he can see it and knows it’s falling. Nothing distracts him. And he screams bloody murder., That’s actually pretty smart thank you so much I’ll try that too, We did this with one of my kiddos. All the other moms were jealous of how good his long hair looked., No I tried that too. Even with the calming clippers, It’s a rough boat to be in I feel for you, Youre going to think im crazy but what about a hair trimmer that sucks up the hair https://preview.redd.it/y63f1zb0chrc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c4e96cda291707f5d24bec62fd8868aea9257e2, I didn’t even know they made those lol is it super loud? I totally would try that at this point that would be amazing., Check out calming clippers on amazon We use a quiet cordless baby hair trimmer while on a golf cart. I put a big t shirt on him and chip clip it so hair doesnt fall on his neck/clothes, he wont tolerate a cape. It was a game changer after 2 years of traumatizing haircuts. Now we have easy fun low stress haircuts. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Drive 5 feet, buzz, m&m. Repeat., Licensed Cosmo/ASD mom chiming in. Do the haircut outside standing in the grass? He won’t see the clippings and you can explain that it’s not dirty because birds, bunnies, and mice take our old hair to make their nests warm and cozy (they really do). The clippers are perceived as “quieter” competing against all the other ambient noise. Just throwing some ideas out there., My son is 3 nonverbal and has huge sensory issues with things touching his head and face. What helped him the most was actually using scissors! Calming quiet clippers like someone else mentioned for the sides and scissors on the top is what we do. We’ve been going to the same hair salon for 2 years now and he’s had the same lady every time, we come from OT and the entire OT session is sensory calming and prep for his haircut. Lastly I bring his weighted blanket which helps him to stay sitting and calms him down a lot. I give him my phone and and he just chills. When we first started haircuts it was crying and miserable 😩 but today was the first time he had absolutely no issue with it. I hope this helps!, Alternatively: could you grow his hair out enough to make haircuts infrequent? I wanted to do that for my kid, but he didn’t like hair brushing, so it was a trade off, Does showing him videos of people getting their hair cut help at all? For our kid prepping him is often helpful, but it’s a tough one - the noise alone is a lot, I’ve tried after he comes from OT too. And nothing. He won’t stay anywhere and sit or stand long enough to even clip one piece of hair. He won’t wear anything. I mean nothing. He just screams and cries. And runs away you can’t get near him. I’ve tried everybody’s ideas I guess I’m out of luck because nothing works. He’s a heavy sleepy and I’ve even tried to trim his hair while he’s asleep and he wakes up immediately. Thank you all for your ideas., No suggestions. Just offering solidarity, as I am in the same boat., I have calming clippers and a quieter electric clipper too. Nothing works. He won’t wear anything on him. It’s not the act of the hair cut it’s the hair falling and he can see it and knows it’s falling. Nothing distracts him. And he screams bloody murder., That’s actually pretty smart thank you so much I’ll try that too, We did this with one of my kiddos. All the other moms were jealous of how good his long hair looked., No I tried that too. Even with the calming clippers, It’s a rough boat to be in I feel for you, Youre going to think im crazy but what about a hair trimmer that sucks up the hair https://preview.redd.it/y63f1zb0chrc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c4e96cda291707f5d24bec62fd8868aea9257e2, I didn’t even know they made those lol is it super loud? I totally would try that at this point that would be amazing.

Haircut help please!

My son used to let me cut his hair then we tried a hair salon he was traumatized and now has a meltdown at the simple mention of a haircut. His hair is out of control I’ve got to cut it soon (myself at home). Any suggestions on how I can make this not so traumatic? We’ve tried social stories, letting him watch his favorite show or play a game on his tablet, rewards to no avail the last haircut was done during a full blown meltdown which I felt awful about. Trying to avoid that this time.

Our son told us he hates the clippers but he's okay with scissors. We now go to a specialist salon and we get the first appointment,  when no one else is there. He has a tablet and snacks and they're happy for him to walk around. When he stops they cut a bit, until it is done. As he's getting older he's getting better at it. He also knows he'll get a toy after, so that motivates him. If you can find a specialist salon I really do recommend it. , Have you tried cutting it at night while he sleeps? I know it sounds weird but for some people this works., Watch YouTube videos of moms cutting kids hair. Ask him what he likes and try to take his concerns/opinions into consideration and setup the session based on his requests., You have to drill down to what the sensory issues are with this and then go from there. I can pretty much guarantee it's that. I find it so strange that there are so many clinicians still pushing this idea that autistic people reacting in situations like this are doing it because of some kind of missing social knowledge/insufficient will to comply with normative behaviors., I’ve definitely considered this that’s how I cut his nails but lately he’s been waking up when I cut his nails and of course he gets super upset so I can’t imagine he’d sleep through a haircut plus I’m not that skilled so I can’t imagine it going well. Appreciate the suggestion we may still try it if all else fails., Thank you. I should have mentioned we tried watching haircut videos he got really upset. He has communication difficulties so if I ask questions to find out what the issue is I don’t get answers. He’s just been completely traumatized by haircuts and I am not sure how to turn things around., Oh I’m sure it’s sensory for sure. I have not had that experience I know it’s distressing to him he’s not just reacting that way to be difficult. The problem is he still needs haircuts. It’s not just a cosmetic issue I also can’t brush it so if it’s too long we will have a bigger problem of knots and mats which actually will be painful., Are you trying to give him a buzz cut or using scissors? Maybe he is scared of the noise or maybe scared of the scissors?, So this isn’t the same but my son still brings up the time when the clippers scratched him on the neck every single time I suggest a haircut. I acknowledge that he was hurt and it was painful. I talk about how this time will be different and how he will look so cute when he’s done. We also follow that up with telling everyone we meet afterwards that he for a haircut and they comment he looks good and he loves it. I hope you can find a way to talk about the bad experience and acknowledge why he feels so bad so he can move past it. It’s hard when they don’t have language skills to do this easily. Wishing you lots of patience to get him through this., I’ve tried both clippers (quiet ones for sensory kids) and scissors hates the scissors more. The place that traumatized him they were very rough I wasn’t happy about it at the time but I had no idea the damage it caused until I tried to do the next haircut at home. Previous to this he tolerated me cutting his hair., Thank you. He does get tons of praise afterwards from us and even at school the teachers and staff really love him and cheer him on after the last haircut they gave have tons of praise. I’m hoping overtime it gets better., Our son told us he hates the clippers but he's okay with scissors. We now go to a specialist salon and we get the first appointment,  when no one else is there. He has a tablet and snacks and they're happy for him to walk around. When he stops they cut a bit, until it is done. As he's getting older he's getting better at it. He also knows he'll get a toy after, so that motivates him. If you can find a specialist salon I really do recommend it. , Have you tried cutting it at night while he sleeps? I know it sounds weird but for some people this works., Watch YouTube videos of moms cutting kids hair. Ask him what he likes and try to take his concerns/opinions into consideration and setup the session based on his requests., You have to drill down to what the sensory issues are with this and then go from there. I can pretty much guarantee it's that. I find it so strange that there are so many clinicians still pushing this idea that autistic people reacting in situations like this are doing it because of some kind of missing social knowledge/insufficient will to comply with normative behaviors., I’ve definitely considered this that’s how I cut his nails but lately he’s been waking up when I cut his nails and of course he gets super upset so I can’t imagine he’d sleep through a haircut plus I’m not that skilled so I can’t imagine it going well. Appreciate the suggestion we may still try it if all else fails., Thank you. I should have mentioned we tried watching haircut videos he got really upset. He has communication difficulties so if I ask questions to find out what the issue is I don’t get answers. He’s just been completely traumatized by haircuts and I am not sure how to turn things around., Oh I’m sure it’s sensory for sure. I have not had that experience I know it’s distressing to him he’s not just reacting that way to be difficult. The problem is he still needs haircuts. It’s not just a cosmetic issue I also can’t brush it so if it’s too long we will have a bigger problem of knots and mats which actually will be painful., Are you trying to give him a buzz cut or using scissors? Maybe he is scared of the noise or maybe scared of the scissors?, So this isn’t the same but my son still brings up the time when the clippers scratched him on the neck every single time I suggest a haircut. I acknowledge that he was hurt and it was painful. I talk about how this time will be different and how he will look so cute when he’s done. We also follow that up with telling everyone we meet afterwards that he for a haircut and they comment he looks good and he loves it. I hope you can find a way to talk about the bad experience and acknowledge why he feels so bad so he can move past it. It’s hard when they don’t have language skills to do this easily. Wishing you lots of patience to get him through this., I’ve tried both clippers (quiet ones for sensory kids) and scissors hates the scissors more. The place that traumatized him they were very rough I wasn’t happy about it at the time but I had no idea the damage it caused until I tried to do the next haircut at home. Previous to this he tolerated me cutting his hair., Thank you. He does get tons of praise afterwards from us and even at school the teachers and staff really love him and cheer him on after the last haircut they gave have tons of praise. I’m hoping overtime it gets better., Our son told us he hates the clippers but he's okay with scissors. We now go to a specialist salon and we get the first appointment,  when no one else is there. He has a tablet and snacks and they're happy for him to walk around. When he stops they cut a bit, until it is done. As he's getting older he's getting better at it. He also knows he'll get a toy after, so that motivates him. If you can find a specialist salon I really do recommend it. , Have you tried cutting it at night while he sleeps? I know it sounds weird but for some people this works., Watch YouTube videos of moms cutting kids hair. Ask him what he likes and try to take his concerns/opinions into consideration and setup the session based on his requests., You have to drill down to what the sensory issues are with this and then go from there. I can pretty much guarantee it's that. I find it so strange that there are so many clinicians still pushing this idea that autistic people reacting in situations like this are doing it because of some kind of missing social knowledge/insufficient will to comply with normative behaviors., I’ve definitely considered this that’s how I cut his nails but lately he’s been waking up when I cut his nails and of course he gets super upset so I can’t imagine he’d sleep through a haircut plus I’m not that skilled so I can’t imagine it going well. Appreciate the suggestion we may still try it if all else fails., Thank you. I should have mentioned we tried watching haircut videos he got really upset. He has communication difficulties so if I ask questions to find out what the issue is I don’t get answers. He’s just been completely traumatized by haircuts and I am not sure how to turn things around., Oh I’m sure it’s sensory for sure. I have not had that experience I know it’s distressing to him he’s not just reacting that way to be difficult. The problem is he still needs haircuts. It’s not just a cosmetic issue I also can’t brush it so if it’s too long we will have a bigger problem of knots and mats which actually will be painful., Are you trying to give him a buzz cut or using scissors? Maybe he is scared of the noise or maybe scared of the scissors?, So this isn’t the same but my son still brings up the time when the clippers scratched him on the neck every single time I suggest a haircut. I acknowledge that he was hurt and it was painful. I talk about how this time will be different and how he will look so cute when he’s done. We also follow that up with telling everyone we meet afterwards that he for a haircut and they comment he looks good and he loves it. I hope you can find a way to talk about the bad experience and acknowledge why he feels so bad so he can move past it. It’s hard when they don’t have language skills to do this easily. Wishing you lots of patience to get him through this., I’ve tried both clippers (quiet ones for sensory kids) and scissors hates the scissors more. The place that traumatized him they were very rough I wasn’t happy about it at the time but I had no idea the damage it caused until I tried to do the next haircut at home. Previous to this he tolerated me cutting his hair., Thank you. He does get tons of praise afterwards from us and even at school the teachers and staff really love him and cheer him on after the last haircut they gave have tons of praise. I’m hoping overtime it gets better., Our son told us he hates the clippers but he's okay with scissors. We now go to a specialist salon and we get the first appointment,  when no one else is there. He has a tablet and snacks and they're happy for him to walk around. When he stops they cut a bit, until it is done. As he's getting older he's getting better at it. He also knows he'll get a toy after, so that motivates him. If you can find a specialist salon I really do recommend it. , Have you tried cutting it at night while he sleeps? I know it sounds weird but for some people this works., Watch YouTube videos of moms cutting kids hair. Ask him what he likes and try to take his concerns/opinions into consideration and setup the session based on his requests., You have to drill down to what the sensory issues are with this and then go from there. I can pretty much guarantee it's that. I find it so strange that there are so many clinicians still pushing this idea that autistic people reacting in situations like this are doing it because of some kind of missing social knowledge/insufficient will to comply with normative behaviors., I’ve definitely considered this that’s how I cut his nails but lately he’s been waking up when I cut his nails and of course he gets super upset so I can’t imagine he’d sleep through a haircut plus I’m not that skilled so I can’t imagine it going well. Appreciate the suggestion we may still try it if all else fails., Thank you. I should have mentioned we tried watching haircut videos he got really upset. He has communication difficulties so if I ask questions to find out what the issue is I don’t get answers. He’s just been completely traumatized by haircuts and I am not sure how to turn things around., Oh I’m sure it’s sensory for sure. I have not had that experience I know it’s distressing to him he’s not just reacting that way to be difficult. The problem is he still needs haircuts. It’s not just a cosmetic issue I also can’t brush it so if it’s too long we will have a bigger problem of knots and mats which actually will be painful., Are you trying to give him a buzz cut or using scissors? Maybe he is scared of the noise or maybe scared of the scissors?, So this isn’t the same but my son still brings up the time when the clippers scratched him on the neck every single time I suggest a haircut. I acknowledge that he was hurt and it was painful. I talk about how this time will be different and how he will look so cute when he’s done. We also follow that up with telling everyone we meet afterwards that he for a haircut and they comment he looks good and he loves it. I hope you can find a way to talk about the bad experience and acknowledge why he feels so bad so he can move past it. It’s hard when they don’t have language skills to do this easily. Wishing you lots of patience to get him through this., I’ve tried both clippers (quiet ones for sensory kids) and scissors hates the scissors more. The place that traumatized him they were very rough I wasn’t happy about it at the time but I had no idea the damage it caused until I tried to do the next haircut at home. Previous to this he tolerated me cutting his hair., Thank you. He does get tons of praise afterwards from us and even at school the teachers and staff really love him and cheer him on after the last haircut they gave have tons of praise. I’m hoping overtime it gets better.

Hand posturing and flapping

My 2 yr old does this and I’m wondering if this depicts how moderate autism will be for her? Looking back at toddler hood for my son, he did the same thing but it was more subtle, he is low support needs although it sure doesn’t feel like it. With my daughter it’s moderate behavior, just curious what you all think. Is it idiotic for me to assume she will be low support needs as well? I guess for now it’s wait and see. I don’t need advice, as I don’t mind the behaviors, it’s an expression of emotion after all , thoughts and knowledge are welcome!

Hand flapping is common in autistic people in general it doesn’t mean what level they are but level can affect how often they do it. Also it depends on context some people like myself mainly do it when they’re excited. Other people it’s because they are overstimulated., Idk if this helps but I knew a boy who hand flapped nearly constantly and he's now on law school and has a family so obviously for him it didn't mean higher support needs just because it was more frequent!, Can someone explain what hand postering is? Or link a good video, I’m having a hard time finding anything concrete., I’m almost wondering if level and age has some components to frequency.. I used to flap a lot. Spin, jump in place.. my family beat that out of me, and that’s just a manner of speaking, they didn’t actually beat me, they really spent time and worked on “time and place” which probably caused an anxiety disorder, holding it in so much, just can’t be good. It’s like telling someone not to smile or laugh because it’s weird. It’s just an expression. My daughter flaps when she is happy and when she’s upset. Postures her fingers when she watches things move or her toys.., There is an instagram account I’ll link for you. There’s a little girl who shows a perfect example. Just remember finger and hand posturing can be subtle or be more obvious, in this case the little girl is quite full of excitement, I love watching her. Hold on one sec., Oh they do and I agree hand flapping/stimming is like breathing not much of a choice it’s just something you have to do, [https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==](https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==), Oh my goodness she’s adorable ❤️, Hand flapping is common in autistic people in general it doesn’t mean what level they are but level can affect how often they do it. Also it depends on context some people like myself mainly do it when they’re excited. Other people it’s because they are overstimulated., Idk if this helps but I knew a boy who hand flapped nearly constantly and he's now on law school and has a family so obviously for him it didn't mean higher support needs just because it was more frequent!, Can someone explain what hand postering is? Or link a good video, I’m having a hard time finding anything concrete., I’m almost wondering if level and age has some components to frequency.. I used to flap a lot. Spin, jump in place.. my family beat that out of me, and that’s just a manner of speaking, they didn’t actually beat me, they really spent time and worked on “time and place” which probably caused an anxiety disorder, holding it in so much, just can’t be good. It’s like telling someone not to smile or laugh because it’s weird. It’s just an expression. My daughter flaps when she is happy and when she’s upset. Postures her fingers when she watches things move or her toys.., There is an instagram account I’ll link for you. There’s a little girl who shows a perfect example. Just remember finger and hand posturing can be subtle or be more obvious, in this case the little girl is quite full of excitement, I love watching her. Hold on one sec., Oh they do and I agree hand flapping/stimming is like breathing not much of a choice it’s just something you have to do, [https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==](https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==), Oh my goodness she’s adorable ❤️, Hand flapping is common in autistic people in general it doesn’t mean what level they are but level can affect how often they do it. Also it depends on context some people like myself mainly do it when they’re excited. Other people it’s because they are overstimulated., Idk if this helps but I knew a boy who hand flapped nearly constantly and he's now on law school and has a family so obviously for him it didn't mean higher support needs just because it was more frequent!, Can someone explain what hand postering is? Or link a good video, I’m having a hard time finding anything concrete., I’m almost wondering if level and age has some components to frequency.. I used to flap a lot. Spin, jump in place.. my family beat that out of me, and that’s just a manner of speaking, they didn’t actually beat me, they really spent time and worked on “time and place” which probably caused an anxiety disorder, holding it in so much, just can’t be good. It’s like telling someone not to smile or laugh because it’s weird. It’s just an expression. My daughter flaps when she is happy and when she’s upset. Postures her fingers when she watches things move or her toys.., There is an instagram account I’ll link for you. There’s a little girl who shows a perfect example. Just remember finger and hand posturing can be subtle or be more obvious, in this case the little girl is quite full of excitement, I love watching her. Hold on one sec., Oh they do and I agree hand flapping/stimming is like breathing not much of a choice it’s just something you have to do, [https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==](https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==), Oh my goodness she’s adorable ❤️, Hand flapping is common in autistic people in general it doesn’t mean what level they are but level can affect how often they do it. Also it depends on context some people like myself mainly do it when they’re excited. Other people it’s because they are overstimulated., Idk if this helps but I knew a boy who hand flapped nearly constantly and he's now on law school and has a family so obviously for him it didn't mean higher support needs just because it was more frequent!, Can someone explain what hand postering is? Or link a good video, I’m having a hard time finding anything concrete., I’m almost wondering if level and age has some components to frequency.. I used to flap a lot. Spin, jump in place.. my family beat that out of me, and that’s just a manner of speaking, they didn’t actually beat me, they really spent time and worked on “time and place” which probably caused an anxiety disorder, holding it in so much, just can’t be good. It’s like telling someone not to smile or laugh because it’s weird. It’s just an expression. My daughter flaps when she is happy and when she’s upset. Postures her fingers when she watches things move or her toys.., There is an instagram account I’ll link for you. There’s a little girl who shows a perfect example. Just remember finger and hand posturing can be subtle or be more obvious, in this case the little girl is quite full of excitement, I love watching her. Hold on one sec., Oh they do and I agree hand flapping/stimming is like breathing not much of a choice it’s just something you have to do, [https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==](https://www.instagram.com/happyhandswith_hallie?igsh=MXVnYmJhczV0YzdtaQ==), Oh my goodness she’s adorable ❤️

Handed a report with a diagnosis and… that’s it?

Rant? Advice? Not sure here. TL;DR It’s feels as though the medical community threw up their hands and decided that, because they can’t medicate it away, there’s nothing they can do so they just don’t even mention it. I started suspecting my now 12 yo AFAB child to be on the spectrum when they were about 7 or 8. Began speaking to their pediatrician, looking for referrals. Got referred to a hospital for evaluation. Hospital lost our paperwork twice. Kept being told that the wait list was backed up 10-12 months. After 3 years (3 YEARS), my child’s father and I paid thousands out of pocket for a private evaluation because no one could get my child in. This was back in August 2023. The psychologist was incredible. It was a full day evaluation using all possible tests and scales. After the full day, she took maybe 3 weeks to analyze results and provide for us what I consider a 19-page window into my child’s brain. So here we are. Report in hand, 504 in place. Now what? I realize there’s no medicinal treatment. But what’s a parent supposed to do? The pediatrician’s office just filed away the report and moved along. No recommendations. No supports. Nothing. I live in a rural area, so there aren’t any specialized services around, except for a very conveniently located center that offers behavior and social support (my child’s main challenge areas). I’ve contacted them several times. Filled out their intake form. Nothing. Not a word. Does anyone else feel like they’re out there, free floating, doing their best to read every legitimate blog or article or study just to try to help their child? And then getting frustrated because every single case is different and nothing you read quite fits your child’s needs and capabilities? I feel completely on my own as I stumble about trying to find just the right way to guide my child in positive and healthy interactions. It’s feels as though the medical community threw up their hands and decided that, because they can’t medicate it away, there’s nothing they can do so they just don’t even mention it.

Resources are severely lacking, especially for older kids. One of the biggest challenges imo is that autistic teens struggle a lot socially. While their peers are developing the social network that will benefit them as they make the transition to adulthood, autistic kids usually aren’t. I’ve put a lot of effort into getting my son involved in activities with other autistic teens - baseball, aikido, a theater group that also offers lots of classes and social activities. There is also medication that can help, if it’s needed - for the anxiety, mood lability, aggression, adhd (if it’s comorbid), etc., Hi! I went as far as moving cities to have more resources and support. I’m a single mom to a 4yr old w ASD. The city we lived in before was very small and only had 2 Aba centers on my side of town. I looked into resources for bigger cities and decided it was best. He now goes to an autism school, gets Aba, and I have respite care 4x a month., I'm fortunate to live in an urban area with a lot of options but I do understand the frustrations of this extremely heterogenous diagnosis. Has your child's school offered anything beyond the 504? Do they have a speech language pathologist or counselor on staff who could see your child in that setting? Is your child able to engage with online providers and social coaching? There are places that will offer interest based social skills groups online (that means the kids do an activity they enjoy with an adult coaching them if they stumble socially). Another option if you can afford it and your child is a candidate, are overnight summer camps that specialize in social and executive functioning challenges. They can usually provide a good mix of structured and unstructured supports. I haven't done that for my child yet but I have a list for when he's a bit older., Yeah, they hand you a paper and tell you to do ABA and then they move on with their lives. A few years later the doctor is stunned our son’s doing so much better even though we haven’t started ABA, because that’s literally the only thing they ever know how to “prescribe” (I am not anti-ABA at all, it’s just not a fit for my kid). It’s wild realizing we as parents are more educated about autism than actual doctors., Guessing there is no psychologist or psychiatrist who could do some sessions with your child? Sometimes a psychologist can contribute something even in these rural areas, especially if they can provide some a detailed diagnosis, tbh this is the exact reason I joined this subreddit. got the diagnosis, thought it would open loads of doors to support options, realised that's not the case. joined the reddit to see what other info I can find. it's shit and horrible and you're doing your best. i totally mean this when I say "you're not alone". yes, resources are hard to find, yes there will be knock backs due to age or location or whatever. you got to keep trying as you know it's for the best in the long run and if you find something that is actually helpful (in terms of a support group or therapy) then it'll be amazing. there are definitely medical options to help certain areas, so speak to you GP about it. Also look into tax credits, depending on where you are, you might be eligible for something., To be honest aba and psycotherapy can only do so much. Your child is different and you have to learn to accept that., After this post, I checked the local autism center’s website again so I could reach out. Again. They had a disclaimer on their page saying that, if your child was older than 6, they won’t be accepted because they are focusing only on early intervention. Which I get. Problem is, in the grand scheme of things, 12 IS early in life. It’s as if adolescents are too far gone. Or as if I wasn’t trying for a quarter of their life to get an official diagnosis for my child so we could get services, but even options for diagnosis were so backed up that my kiddo missed the “early intervention” window. So now they have to soon head towards high school and beyond without ever having learned the skills they need. I do the best I can, but I’m no expert and everything is trial and error. Like you mentioned, they have generalized anxiety disorder as a comorbidity and we have found success in medication treating that. Thankfully it has made it so much easier to address the overarching concern now that the anxiety is managed., I had to pull my child from in person school because they were severely bullied by about 80% of their class for the entirety of their 6th grade year. They now do a state grant funded virtual learning platform, but it is structured with regularly scheduled class meetings led by certified educators. Their in person public school is responsible for special education. Maybe they offer the things you mentioned? But they are very rigid about only providing services as recommended in the diagnostic report. With new ways in which this manifests cropping up here and there, the list has grown since their diagnostic report, but I have no one “official” who can mark it down as an area of opportunity. My child doesn’t do any autism-specific coaching sessions, but they are involved with in person activities with the public school that are filled with diverse children, many of whom are neurodivergent. While it isn’t specialized assistance, at least these groups are led by compassionate adult educators who foster that sense of community and social skills. They also enjoy clubs offered through their online school, where they get to interact with their peers about a subject they enjoy. They access CBT, in which they are fully engaged with their therapist and really enjoy their sessions. Their therapist does a wonderful job and it has shown a great impact, but is not specialized in ASD. No one anywhere near me is. Their therapist has explained all of the ways she can help my child navigate this, but has also been very transparent that they are not an expert and recommend a specialist., For sure! You tell a doctor that your kid has dry skin in the middle of winter and you’re handed pamphlets, samples, prescriptions, a referral to a dermatologist, and a follow up visit. You tell them your child is autistic and it’s like crickets. Their pediatrician is more concerned about constantly telling my food-limited child that they need to eat more vegetables. I’m sure my experience is not the same as everyone, and I know that pediatricians are not behavioral health experts, but even a print out of some phone numbers and resources would be nice. I’ve gotten more paperwork advising me about what to expect from a flu shot than I have for autism., Finding a pediatric therapist in my area is practically impossible. Psychologists and psychiatrists who are willing to treat children in my area are nonexistent. The one we went to for their evaluation was 2.5 hours away didn’t take their insurance, so it was all out of pocket., It’s also like… I need resources for myself, you know? It feels like a dirty word as a parent to not magnanimously hold your head up high and never feel stressed or frustrated or resentful. My brain works the opposite of my kid. I get that. And it’s my job as their parent to figure them out and meet them where they are. But you don’t magically acquire that skill when they hand you the piece of paper. Some days are fine. Some days I walk on eggshells. And some days I feel like a hostage, afraid to say or do the wrong thing because of the potential fall out. I need resources so I truly begin to understand how their mind processes information and how I can adapt myself and my parenting to that., I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities., Hmmm... You can request an evaluation in writing for a suspected area of disability.  You could request an evaluation for pragmatic language from the school (this isn't functional communication, but more like understanding verbal and non verbal conflict, boundaries, scaffolding for how to try to understand and resolve social conflicts).   My kid tested average or better on most academic, cognitive and memory assessments but the Social Language Development Test (sldt-e) was able to show his impairment and need for services.  The activities your kid is doing sound great too! But if they're willing and able to engage on line, you can look for a group or therapist that specializes in something like "social thinking" or scaffolding. If your child is 2E you could also look at something like you could also look at young scholars academy., “Take a couple doses of ABA and everything will be fine” like they’re suggesting Tylenol for a friggin headache. It’s exhausting., That is brutal. We just started online therapy and it is going well. I would rather do in person too, but it is actually doing something. If you can find anyone who does it remotely. Mary Barbara does some stuff online but I haven’t used her and she’s pretty sales pitch focused but so was our psychologist who is trying to do 40 hours when my son can’t handle that, It'll take time and you need to give yourself a bit of break on those things. You're doing your best, it's not like this is a predictable situation :-). When you got the diagnosis, did they give you a list of additional resources (we got a few local organisations, some of them were not helpful, but some have been) Every kid is different and every ND brain is different. I talk to other parents of ND kids and their little ones might be "classed" the same level as mine but their actions and behaviours are different. In most cases, taking a step back before panicking/reacting, is a good step. Mine regularly, makes "soup" (finds a container, puts water in it, adds random things, could be paper towels, could be haribo, could be other food) obviously it makes a mess and he splashes it everywhere... Initially, I remove it, but now I ask him about it and try to get him to expand on what the heck is going on there :-) As for resources. I'm amazed how hard it is to find things that are easy to gain access to. However, thru friends of friends, I found a local support group for parents. Talking about "stuff" helps, and speaking to other parents who have been where you are, helps even more (i.e. finding clubs/other websites). So don't be afraid to talk about it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Help can come in different ways. You might even be able to get information from schools or the doctor for support based groups. Never be afraid to ask for anything., There’s no resources that will be able to make a meaningful impact on your child truthfully and no meds will stabilize them just sedate them it’s ultimately up to god what he has in mind. All you can do is pray, Those are great suggestions, thank you. I don’t believe my child technically is 2e, but they do exhibit many of the characteristics. Their IQ is in the very high to moderately gifted range. Lots of highly developed linguistic skills and can typically interpret abstract ideas on paper. Real life, they require clear cut, concrete language. They want very much to be social and do have two or three close friends, but they struggle with social cues and behavior. You want a kid who will tell you the honest truth no matter what? That’s mine. Worked great when they did the usual misbehavior things as a young child, because they never ever lied or concealed things and always owned up to their mistakes. As a preteen, they’re really good at telling people they smell or that their artwork sucks. And you almost (almost) can’t blame them, because they’re usually not wrong 🤦‍♀️🤪, Next time they’re melting down because there are too many slices of pepperoni on their pizza, I’m going to drop them off at the pediatrician’s office., I’ll get right on that., Your kid sounds a bit like mine (or like the kid I was myself 😂). You want someone to argue with a religious person about the fact that you couldn't use the scientific method to discuss God because God is a non falsifiable hypothesis? Middle school me was your girl. Did you need someone to explain that your short story sucked because no one spoke modern English in medieval France and your time traveler would get burned at the stake? I was there for you 😁.  I'm a few years behind you in the parent thing (my kid is 9) but I'm very much trying to gather resources to support him in having a better time during his adolescence. Feel free to DM me., >I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities. one thing that has been a struggle for me growing up with an autistic brother is dealing with the voilence at home as he would beat me frequently and attempt to sexually assult and harras people around him. When I was younger and a child for a long time I blamed him and was tramatized and wanted to kill him. But then overtime with faith I was able to push through and it has helped me through hard times finding islam through this struggle and I find it very helpful for most parents to find some sort of faith regardless of the religon weather it be huindizm christ or islam. I know it sounds ridiculous but it has helped me immensely overtime., Thank you! When people respond negatively to their not so charming blunt delivery, they come back at them with, “I’m not rude, I’m autistic!” I love my child and I think their intelligence and creative talents and unabashed honesty are amazing, even enviable. The problem is that they understand their disorder better than anyone and will gladly play the autism card when it benefits them. And what are you gonna do, argue? We all know you can’t win an argument with an autistic kid. They’ll learn someday when they’re 25, walk into their boss’s office, and tell them their breath smells like rotten eggs, the stain didn’t come out of the tiny corner of their collar, and the framed photo of their children would be nice if their kids weren’t so weird looking. They might get fired, but their coworkers will love them for saying what everyone was already thinking., What helped me was starting to view interactions with work/school colleagues as more transactional. Like, what's the goal? Why am I having this interaction and what would be a good end result for me? Like, sure, I am objectively right about fact A, but if I say that: 1. the person I interacted with will have bad thoughts/feelings about me 2. I will have a negative interaction with them which will take a lot of my energy and I that would be annoying  3. They aren't going to change their mind about fact A, they will just now accept additional information that I'm a jerk 4. They will share their ninhursagswhim is a jerk belief with others who will now be less likely to like me Instead, what I can say to keep the other person from thinking about me at all (mindless pleasantry, move on) or to think good thoughts about me (is there a way to guess what they might like to talk about?)? A lot of it is trial and error of course! I'm hoping my kid will get it now and not in his 20s or 30s with the right therapy., That’s a really smart way to look at it and manage interactions. I’m keeping that in my back pocket., Resources are severely lacking, especially for older kids. One of the biggest challenges imo is that autistic teens struggle a lot socially. While their peers are developing the social network that will benefit them as they make the transition to adulthood, autistic kids usually aren’t. I’ve put a lot of effort into getting my son involved in activities with other autistic teens - baseball, aikido, a theater group that also offers lots of classes and social activities. There is also medication that can help, if it’s needed - for the anxiety, mood lability, aggression, adhd (if it’s comorbid), etc., Hi! I went as far as moving cities to have more resources and support. I’m a single mom to a 4yr old w ASD. The city we lived in before was very small and only had 2 Aba centers on my side of town. I looked into resources for bigger cities and decided it was best. He now goes to an autism school, gets Aba, and I have respite care 4x a month., I'm fortunate to live in an urban area with a lot of options but I do understand the frustrations of this extremely heterogenous diagnosis. Has your child's school offered anything beyond the 504? Do they have a speech language pathologist or counselor on staff who could see your child in that setting? Is your child able to engage with online providers and social coaching? There are places that will offer interest based social skills groups online (that means the kids do an activity they enjoy with an adult coaching them if they stumble socially). Another option if you can afford it and your child is a candidate, are overnight summer camps that specialize in social and executive functioning challenges. They can usually provide a good mix of structured and unstructured supports. I haven't done that for my child yet but I have a list for when he's a bit older., Yeah, they hand you a paper and tell you to do ABA and then they move on with their lives. A few years later the doctor is stunned our son’s doing so much better even though we haven’t started ABA, because that’s literally the only thing they ever know how to “prescribe” (I am not anti-ABA at all, it’s just not a fit for my kid). It’s wild realizing we as parents are more educated about autism than actual doctors., Guessing there is no psychologist or psychiatrist who could do some sessions with your child? Sometimes a psychologist can contribute something even in these rural areas, especially if they can provide some a detailed diagnosis, tbh this is the exact reason I joined this subreddit. got the diagnosis, thought it would open loads of doors to support options, realised that's not the case. joined the reddit to see what other info I can find. it's shit and horrible and you're doing your best. i totally mean this when I say "you're not alone". yes, resources are hard to find, yes there will be knock backs due to age or location or whatever. you got to keep trying as you know it's for the best in the long run and if you find something that is actually helpful (in terms of a support group or therapy) then it'll be amazing. there are definitely medical options to help certain areas, so speak to you GP about it. Also look into tax credits, depending on where you are, you might be eligible for something., To be honest aba and psycotherapy can only do so much. Your child is different and you have to learn to accept that., After this post, I checked the local autism center’s website again so I could reach out. Again. They had a disclaimer on their page saying that, if your child was older than 6, they won’t be accepted because they are focusing only on early intervention. Which I get. Problem is, in the grand scheme of things, 12 IS early in life. It’s as if adolescents are too far gone. Or as if I wasn’t trying for a quarter of their life to get an official diagnosis for my child so we could get services, but even options for diagnosis were so backed up that my kiddo missed the “early intervention” window. So now they have to soon head towards high school and beyond without ever having learned the skills they need. I do the best I can, but I’m no expert and everything is trial and error. Like you mentioned, they have generalized anxiety disorder as a comorbidity and we have found success in medication treating that. Thankfully it has made it so much easier to address the overarching concern now that the anxiety is managed., I had to pull my child from in person school because they were severely bullied by about 80% of their class for the entirety of their 6th grade year. They now do a state grant funded virtual learning platform, but it is structured with regularly scheduled class meetings led by certified educators. Their in person public school is responsible for special education. Maybe they offer the things you mentioned? But they are very rigid about only providing services as recommended in the diagnostic report. With new ways in which this manifests cropping up here and there, the list has grown since their diagnostic report, but I have no one “official” who can mark it down as an area of opportunity. My child doesn’t do any autism-specific coaching sessions, but they are involved with in person activities with the public school that are filled with diverse children, many of whom are neurodivergent. While it isn’t specialized assistance, at least these groups are led by compassionate adult educators who foster that sense of community and social skills. They also enjoy clubs offered through their online school, where they get to interact with their peers about a subject they enjoy. They access CBT, in which they are fully engaged with their therapist and really enjoy their sessions. Their therapist does a wonderful job and it has shown a great impact, but is not specialized in ASD. No one anywhere near me is. Their therapist has explained all of the ways she can help my child navigate this, but has also been very transparent that they are not an expert and recommend a specialist., For sure! You tell a doctor that your kid has dry skin in the middle of winter and you’re handed pamphlets, samples, prescriptions, a referral to a dermatologist, and a follow up visit. You tell them your child is autistic and it’s like crickets. Their pediatrician is more concerned about constantly telling my food-limited child that they need to eat more vegetables. I’m sure my experience is not the same as everyone, and I know that pediatricians are not behavioral health experts, but even a print out of some phone numbers and resources would be nice. I’ve gotten more paperwork advising me about what to expect from a flu shot than I have for autism., Finding a pediatric therapist in my area is practically impossible. Psychologists and psychiatrists who are willing to treat children in my area are nonexistent. The one we went to for their evaluation was 2.5 hours away didn’t take their insurance, so it was all out of pocket., It’s also like… I need resources for myself, you know? It feels like a dirty word as a parent to not magnanimously hold your head up high and never feel stressed or frustrated or resentful. My brain works the opposite of my kid. I get that. And it’s my job as their parent to figure them out and meet them where they are. But you don’t magically acquire that skill when they hand you the piece of paper. Some days are fine. Some days I walk on eggshells. And some days I feel like a hostage, afraid to say or do the wrong thing because of the potential fall out. I need resources so I truly begin to understand how their mind processes information and how I can adapt myself and my parenting to that., I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities., Hmmm... You can request an evaluation in writing for a suspected area of disability.  You could request an evaluation for pragmatic language from the school (this isn't functional communication, but more like understanding verbal and non verbal conflict, boundaries, scaffolding for how to try to understand and resolve social conflicts).   My kid tested average or better on most academic, cognitive and memory assessments but the Social Language Development Test (sldt-e) was able to show his impairment and need for services.  The activities your kid is doing sound great too! But if they're willing and able to engage on line, you can look for a group or therapist that specializes in something like "social thinking" or scaffolding. If your child is 2E you could also look at something like you could also look at young scholars academy., “Take a couple doses of ABA and everything will be fine” like they’re suggesting Tylenol for a friggin headache. It’s exhausting., That is brutal. We just started online therapy and it is going well. I would rather do in person too, but it is actually doing something. If you can find anyone who does it remotely. Mary Barbara does some stuff online but I haven’t used her and she’s pretty sales pitch focused but so was our psychologist who is trying to do 40 hours when my son can’t handle that, It'll take time and you need to give yourself a bit of break on those things. You're doing your best, it's not like this is a predictable situation :-). When you got the diagnosis, did they give you a list of additional resources (we got a few local organisations, some of them were not helpful, but some have been) Every kid is different and every ND brain is different. I talk to other parents of ND kids and their little ones might be "classed" the same level as mine but their actions and behaviours are different. In most cases, taking a step back before panicking/reacting, is a good step. Mine regularly, makes "soup" (finds a container, puts water in it, adds random things, could be paper towels, could be haribo, could be other food) obviously it makes a mess and he splashes it everywhere... Initially, I remove it, but now I ask him about it and try to get him to expand on what the heck is going on there :-) As for resources. I'm amazed how hard it is to find things that are easy to gain access to. However, thru friends of friends, I found a local support group for parents. Talking about "stuff" helps, and speaking to other parents who have been where you are, helps even more (i.e. finding clubs/other websites). So don't be afraid to talk about it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Help can come in different ways. You might even be able to get information from schools or the doctor for support based groups. Never be afraid to ask for anything., There’s no resources that will be able to make a meaningful impact on your child truthfully and no meds will stabilize them just sedate them it’s ultimately up to god what he has in mind. All you can do is pray, Those are great suggestions, thank you. I don’t believe my child technically is 2e, but they do exhibit many of the characteristics. Their IQ is in the very high to moderately gifted range. Lots of highly developed linguistic skills and can typically interpret abstract ideas on paper. Real life, they require clear cut, concrete language. They want very much to be social and do have two or three close friends, but they struggle with social cues and behavior. You want a kid who will tell you the honest truth no matter what? That’s mine. Worked great when they did the usual misbehavior things as a young child, because they never ever lied or concealed things and always owned up to their mistakes. As a preteen, they’re really good at telling people they smell or that their artwork sucks. And you almost (almost) can’t blame them, because they’re usually not wrong 🤦‍♀️🤪, Next time they’re melting down because there are too many slices of pepperoni on their pizza, I’m going to drop them off at the pediatrician’s office., I’ll get right on that., Your kid sounds a bit like mine (or like the kid I was myself 😂). You want someone to argue with a religious person about the fact that you couldn't use the scientific method to discuss God because God is a non falsifiable hypothesis? Middle school me was your girl. Did you need someone to explain that your short story sucked because no one spoke modern English in medieval France and your time traveler would get burned at the stake? I was there for you 😁.  I'm a few years behind you in the parent thing (my kid is 9) but I'm very much trying to gather resources to support him in having a better time during his adolescence. Feel free to DM me., >I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities. one thing that has been a struggle for me growing up with an autistic brother is dealing with the voilence at home as he would beat me frequently and attempt to sexually assult and harras people around him. When I was younger and a child for a long time I blamed him and was tramatized and wanted to kill him. But then overtime with faith I was able to push through and it has helped me through hard times finding islam through this struggle and I find it very helpful for most parents to find some sort of faith regardless of the religon weather it be huindizm christ or islam. I know it sounds ridiculous but it has helped me immensely overtime., Thank you! When people respond negatively to their not so charming blunt delivery, they come back at them with, “I’m not rude, I’m autistic!” I love my child and I think their intelligence and creative talents and unabashed honesty are amazing, even enviable. The problem is that they understand their disorder better than anyone and will gladly play the autism card when it benefits them. And what are you gonna do, argue? We all know you can’t win an argument with an autistic kid. They’ll learn someday when they’re 25, walk into their boss’s office, and tell them their breath smells like rotten eggs, the stain didn’t come out of the tiny corner of their collar, and the framed photo of their children would be nice if their kids weren’t so weird looking. They might get fired, but their coworkers will love them for saying what everyone was already thinking., What helped me was starting to view interactions with work/school colleagues as more transactional. Like, what's the goal? Why am I having this interaction and what would be a good end result for me? Like, sure, I am objectively right about fact A, but if I say that: 1. the person I interacted with will have bad thoughts/feelings about me 2. I will have a negative interaction with them which will take a lot of my energy and I that would be annoying  3. They aren't going to change their mind about fact A, they will just now accept additional information that I'm a jerk 4. They will share their ninhursagswhim is a jerk belief with others who will now be less likely to like me Instead, what I can say to keep the other person from thinking about me at all (mindless pleasantry, move on) or to think good thoughts about me (is there a way to guess what they might like to talk about?)? A lot of it is trial and error of course! I'm hoping my kid will get it now and not in his 20s or 30s with the right therapy., That’s a really smart way to look at it and manage interactions. I’m keeping that in my back pocket., Resources are severely lacking, especially for older kids. One of the biggest challenges imo is that autistic teens struggle a lot socially. While their peers are developing the social network that will benefit them as they make the transition to adulthood, autistic kids usually aren’t. I’ve put a lot of effort into getting my son involved in activities with other autistic teens - baseball, aikido, a theater group that also offers lots of classes and social activities. There is also medication that can help, if it’s needed - for the anxiety, mood lability, aggression, adhd (if it’s comorbid), etc., Hi! I went as far as moving cities to have more resources and support. I’m a single mom to a 4yr old w ASD. The city we lived in before was very small and only had 2 Aba centers on my side of town. I looked into resources for bigger cities and decided it was best. He now goes to an autism school, gets Aba, and I have respite care 4x a month., I'm fortunate to live in an urban area with a lot of options but I do understand the frustrations of this extremely heterogenous diagnosis. Has your child's school offered anything beyond the 504? Do they have a speech language pathologist or counselor on staff who could see your child in that setting? Is your child able to engage with online providers and social coaching? There are places that will offer interest based social skills groups online (that means the kids do an activity they enjoy with an adult coaching them if they stumble socially). Another option if you can afford it and your child is a candidate, are overnight summer camps that specialize in social and executive functioning challenges. They can usually provide a good mix of structured and unstructured supports. I haven't done that for my child yet but I have a list for when he's a bit older., Yeah, they hand you a paper and tell you to do ABA and then they move on with their lives. A few years later the doctor is stunned our son’s doing so much better even though we haven’t started ABA, because that’s literally the only thing they ever know how to “prescribe” (I am not anti-ABA at all, it’s just not a fit for my kid). It’s wild realizing we as parents are more educated about autism than actual doctors., Guessing there is no psychologist or psychiatrist who could do some sessions with your child? Sometimes a psychologist can contribute something even in these rural areas, especially if they can provide some a detailed diagnosis, tbh this is the exact reason I joined this subreddit. got the diagnosis, thought it would open loads of doors to support options, realised that's not the case. joined the reddit to see what other info I can find. it's shit and horrible and you're doing your best. i totally mean this when I say "you're not alone". yes, resources are hard to find, yes there will be knock backs due to age or location or whatever. you got to keep trying as you know it's for the best in the long run and if you find something that is actually helpful (in terms of a support group or therapy) then it'll be amazing. there are definitely medical options to help certain areas, so speak to you GP about it. Also look into tax credits, depending on where you are, you might be eligible for something., To be honest aba and psycotherapy can only do so much. Your child is different and you have to learn to accept that., After this post, I checked the local autism center’s website again so I could reach out. Again. They had a disclaimer on their page saying that, if your child was older than 6, they won’t be accepted because they are focusing only on early intervention. Which I get. Problem is, in the grand scheme of things, 12 IS early in life. It’s as if adolescents are too far gone. Or as if I wasn’t trying for a quarter of their life to get an official diagnosis for my child so we could get services, but even options for diagnosis were so backed up that my kiddo missed the “early intervention” window. So now they have to soon head towards high school and beyond without ever having learned the skills they need. I do the best I can, but I’m no expert and everything is trial and error. Like you mentioned, they have generalized anxiety disorder as a comorbidity and we have found success in medication treating that. Thankfully it has made it so much easier to address the overarching concern now that the anxiety is managed., I had to pull my child from in person school because they were severely bullied by about 80% of their class for the entirety of their 6th grade year. They now do a state grant funded virtual learning platform, but it is structured with regularly scheduled class meetings led by certified educators. Their in person public school is responsible for special education. Maybe they offer the things you mentioned? But they are very rigid about only providing services as recommended in the diagnostic report. With new ways in which this manifests cropping up here and there, the list has grown since their diagnostic report, but I have no one “official” who can mark it down as an area of opportunity. My child doesn’t do any autism-specific coaching sessions, but they are involved with in person activities with the public school that are filled with diverse children, many of whom are neurodivergent. While it isn’t specialized assistance, at least these groups are led by compassionate adult educators who foster that sense of community and social skills. They also enjoy clubs offered through their online school, where they get to interact with their peers about a subject they enjoy. They access CBT, in which they are fully engaged with their therapist and really enjoy their sessions. Their therapist does a wonderful job and it has shown a great impact, but is not specialized in ASD. No one anywhere near me is. Their therapist has explained all of the ways she can help my child navigate this, but has also been very transparent that they are not an expert and recommend a specialist., For sure! You tell a doctor that your kid has dry skin in the middle of winter and you’re handed pamphlets, samples, prescriptions, a referral to a dermatologist, and a follow up visit. You tell them your child is autistic and it’s like crickets. Their pediatrician is more concerned about constantly telling my food-limited child that they need to eat more vegetables. I’m sure my experience is not the same as everyone, and I know that pediatricians are not behavioral health experts, but even a print out of some phone numbers and resources would be nice. I’ve gotten more paperwork advising me about what to expect from a flu shot than I have for autism., Finding a pediatric therapist in my area is practically impossible. Psychologists and psychiatrists who are willing to treat children in my area are nonexistent. The one we went to for their evaluation was 2.5 hours away didn’t take their insurance, so it was all out of pocket., It’s also like… I need resources for myself, you know? It feels like a dirty word as a parent to not magnanimously hold your head up high and never feel stressed or frustrated or resentful. My brain works the opposite of my kid. I get that. And it’s my job as their parent to figure them out and meet them where they are. But you don’t magically acquire that skill when they hand you the piece of paper. Some days are fine. Some days I walk on eggshells. And some days I feel like a hostage, afraid to say or do the wrong thing because of the potential fall out. I need resources so I truly begin to understand how their mind processes information and how I can adapt myself and my parenting to that., I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities., Hmmm... You can request an evaluation in writing for a suspected area of disability.  You could request an evaluation for pragmatic language from the school (this isn't functional communication, but more like understanding verbal and non verbal conflict, boundaries, scaffolding for how to try to understand and resolve social conflicts).   My kid tested average or better on most academic, cognitive and memory assessments but the Social Language Development Test (sldt-e) was able to show his impairment and need for services.  The activities your kid is doing sound great too! But if they're willing and able to engage on line, you can look for a group or therapist that specializes in something like "social thinking" or scaffolding. If your child is 2E you could also look at something like you could also look at young scholars academy., “Take a couple doses of ABA and everything will be fine” like they’re suggesting Tylenol for a friggin headache. It’s exhausting., That is brutal. We just started online therapy and it is going well. I would rather do in person too, but it is actually doing something. If you can find anyone who does it remotely. Mary Barbara does some stuff online but I haven’t used her and she’s pretty sales pitch focused but so was our psychologist who is trying to do 40 hours when my son can’t handle that, It'll take time and you need to give yourself a bit of break on those things. You're doing your best, it's not like this is a predictable situation :-). When you got the diagnosis, did they give you a list of additional resources (we got a few local organisations, some of them were not helpful, but some have been) Every kid is different and every ND brain is different. I talk to other parents of ND kids and their little ones might be "classed" the same level as mine but their actions and behaviours are different. In most cases, taking a step back before panicking/reacting, is a good step. Mine regularly, makes "soup" (finds a container, puts water in it, adds random things, could be paper towels, could be haribo, could be other food) obviously it makes a mess and he splashes it everywhere... Initially, I remove it, but now I ask him about it and try to get him to expand on what the heck is going on there :-) As for resources. I'm amazed how hard it is to find things that are easy to gain access to. However, thru friends of friends, I found a local support group for parents. Talking about "stuff" helps, and speaking to other parents who have been where you are, helps even more (i.e. finding clubs/other websites). So don't be afraid to talk about it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Help can come in different ways. You might even be able to get information from schools or the doctor for support based groups. Never be afraid to ask for anything., There’s no resources that will be able to make a meaningful impact on your child truthfully and no meds will stabilize them just sedate them it’s ultimately up to god what he has in mind. All you can do is pray, Those are great suggestions, thank you. I don’t believe my child technically is 2e, but they do exhibit many of the characteristics. Their IQ is in the very high to moderately gifted range. Lots of highly developed linguistic skills and can typically interpret abstract ideas on paper. Real life, they require clear cut, concrete language. They want very much to be social and do have two or three close friends, but they struggle with social cues and behavior. You want a kid who will tell you the honest truth no matter what? That’s mine. Worked great when they did the usual misbehavior things as a young child, because they never ever lied or concealed things and always owned up to their mistakes. As a preteen, they’re really good at telling people they smell or that their artwork sucks. And you almost (almost) can’t blame them, because they’re usually not wrong 🤦‍♀️🤪, Next time they’re melting down because there are too many slices of pepperoni on their pizza, I’m going to drop them off at the pediatrician’s office., I’ll get right on that., Your kid sounds a bit like mine (or like the kid I was myself 😂). You want someone to argue with a religious person about the fact that you couldn't use the scientific method to discuss God because God is a non falsifiable hypothesis? Middle school me was your girl. Did you need someone to explain that your short story sucked because no one spoke modern English in medieval France and your time traveler would get burned at the stake? I was there for you 😁.  I'm a few years behind you in the parent thing (my kid is 9) but I'm very much trying to gather resources to support him in having a better time during his adolescence. Feel free to DM me., >I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities. one thing that has been a struggle for me growing up with an autistic brother is dealing with the voilence at home as he would beat me frequently and attempt to sexually assult and harras people around him. When I was younger and a child for a long time I blamed him and was tramatized and wanted to kill him. But then overtime with faith I was able to push through and it has helped me through hard times finding islam through this struggle and I find it very helpful for most parents to find some sort of faith regardless of the religon weather it be huindizm christ or islam. I know it sounds ridiculous but it has helped me immensely overtime., Thank you! When people respond negatively to their not so charming blunt delivery, they come back at them with, “I’m not rude, I’m autistic!” I love my child and I think their intelligence and creative talents and unabashed honesty are amazing, even enviable. The problem is that they understand their disorder better than anyone and will gladly play the autism card when it benefits them. And what are you gonna do, argue? We all know you can’t win an argument with an autistic kid. They’ll learn someday when they’re 25, walk into their boss’s office, and tell them their breath smells like rotten eggs, the stain didn’t come out of the tiny corner of their collar, and the framed photo of their children would be nice if their kids weren’t so weird looking. They might get fired, but their coworkers will love them for saying what everyone was already thinking., What helped me was starting to view interactions with work/school colleagues as more transactional. Like, what's the goal? Why am I having this interaction and what would be a good end result for me? Like, sure, I am objectively right about fact A, but if I say that: 1. the person I interacted with will have bad thoughts/feelings about me 2. I will have a negative interaction with them which will take a lot of my energy and I that would be annoying  3. They aren't going to change their mind about fact A, they will just now accept additional information that I'm a jerk 4. They will share their ninhursagswhim is a jerk belief with others who will now be less likely to like me Instead, what I can say to keep the other person from thinking about me at all (mindless pleasantry, move on) or to think good thoughts about me (is there a way to guess what they might like to talk about?)? A lot of it is trial and error of course! I'm hoping my kid will get it now and not in his 20s or 30s with the right therapy., That’s a really smart way to look at it and manage interactions. I’m keeping that in my back pocket., Resources are severely lacking, especially for older kids. One of the biggest challenges imo is that autistic teens struggle a lot socially. While their peers are developing the social network that will benefit them as they make the transition to adulthood, autistic kids usually aren’t. I’ve put a lot of effort into getting my son involved in activities with other autistic teens - baseball, aikido, a theater group that also offers lots of classes and social activities. There is also medication that can help, if it’s needed - for the anxiety, mood lability, aggression, adhd (if it’s comorbid), etc., Hi! I went as far as moving cities to have more resources and support. I’m a single mom to a 4yr old w ASD. The city we lived in before was very small and only had 2 Aba centers on my side of town. I looked into resources for bigger cities and decided it was best. He now goes to an autism school, gets Aba, and I have respite care 4x a month., I'm fortunate to live in an urban area with a lot of options but I do understand the frustrations of this extremely heterogenous diagnosis. Has your child's school offered anything beyond the 504? Do they have a speech language pathologist or counselor on staff who could see your child in that setting? Is your child able to engage with online providers and social coaching? There are places that will offer interest based social skills groups online (that means the kids do an activity they enjoy with an adult coaching them if they stumble socially). Another option if you can afford it and your child is a candidate, are overnight summer camps that specialize in social and executive functioning challenges. They can usually provide a good mix of structured and unstructured supports. I haven't done that for my child yet but I have a list for when he's a bit older., Yeah, they hand you a paper and tell you to do ABA and then they move on with their lives. A few years later the doctor is stunned our son’s doing so much better even though we haven’t started ABA, because that’s literally the only thing they ever know how to “prescribe” (I am not anti-ABA at all, it’s just not a fit for my kid). It’s wild realizing we as parents are more educated about autism than actual doctors., Guessing there is no psychologist or psychiatrist who could do some sessions with your child? Sometimes a psychologist can contribute something even in these rural areas, especially if they can provide some a detailed diagnosis, tbh this is the exact reason I joined this subreddit. got the diagnosis, thought it would open loads of doors to support options, realised that's not the case. joined the reddit to see what other info I can find. it's shit and horrible and you're doing your best. i totally mean this when I say "you're not alone". yes, resources are hard to find, yes there will be knock backs due to age or location or whatever. you got to keep trying as you know it's for the best in the long run and if you find something that is actually helpful (in terms of a support group or therapy) then it'll be amazing. there are definitely medical options to help certain areas, so speak to you GP about it. Also look into tax credits, depending on where you are, you might be eligible for something., To be honest aba and psycotherapy can only do so much. Your child is different and you have to learn to accept that., After this post, I checked the local autism center’s website again so I could reach out. Again. They had a disclaimer on their page saying that, if your child was older than 6, they won’t be accepted because they are focusing only on early intervention. Which I get. Problem is, in the grand scheme of things, 12 IS early in life. It’s as if adolescents are too far gone. Or as if I wasn’t trying for a quarter of their life to get an official diagnosis for my child so we could get services, but even options for diagnosis were so backed up that my kiddo missed the “early intervention” window. So now they have to soon head towards high school and beyond without ever having learned the skills they need. I do the best I can, but I’m no expert and everything is trial and error. Like you mentioned, they have generalized anxiety disorder as a comorbidity and we have found success in medication treating that. Thankfully it has made it so much easier to address the overarching concern now that the anxiety is managed., I had to pull my child from in person school because they were severely bullied by about 80% of their class for the entirety of their 6th grade year. They now do a state grant funded virtual learning platform, but it is structured with regularly scheduled class meetings led by certified educators. Their in person public school is responsible for special education. Maybe they offer the things you mentioned? But they are very rigid about only providing services as recommended in the diagnostic report. With new ways in which this manifests cropping up here and there, the list has grown since their diagnostic report, but I have no one “official” who can mark it down as an area of opportunity. My child doesn’t do any autism-specific coaching sessions, but they are involved with in person activities with the public school that are filled with diverse children, many of whom are neurodivergent. While it isn’t specialized assistance, at least these groups are led by compassionate adult educators who foster that sense of community and social skills. They also enjoy clubs offered through their online school, where they get to interact with their peers about a subject they enjoy. They access CBT, in which they are fully engaged with their therapist and really enjoy their sessions. Their therapist does a wonderful job and it has shown a great impact, but is not specialized in ASD. No one anywhere near me is. Their therapist has explained all of the ways she can help my child navigate this, but has also been very transparent that they are not an expert and recommend a specialist., For sure! You tell a doctor that your kid has dry skin in the middle of winter and you’re handed pamphlets, samples, prescriptions, a referral to a dermatologist, and a follow up visit. You tell them your child is autistic and it’s like crickets. Their pediatrician is more concerned about constantly telling my food-limited child that they need to eat more vegetables. I’m sure my experience is not the same as everyone, and I know that pediatricians are not behavioral health experts, but even a print out of some phone numbers and resources would be nice. I’ve gotten more paperwork advising me about what to expect from a flu shot than I have for autism., Finding a pediatric therapist in my area is practically impossible. Psychologists and psychiatrists who are willing to treat children in my area are nonexistent. The one we went to for their evaluation was 2.5 hours away didn’t take their insurance, so it was all out of pocket., It’s also like… I need resources for myself, you know? It feels like a dirty word as a parent to not magnanimously hold your head up high and never feel stressed or frustrated or resentful. My brain works the opposite of my kid. I get that. And it’s my job as their parent to figure them out and meet them where they are. But you don’t magically acquire that skill when they hand you the piece of paper. Some days are fine. Some days I walk on eggshells. And some days I feel like a hostage, afraid to say or do the wrong thing because of the potential fall out. I need resources so I truly begin to understand how their mind processes information and how I can adapt myself and my parenting to that., I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities., Hmmm... You can request an evaluation in writing for a suspected area of disability.  You could request an evaluation for pragmatic language from the school (this isn't functional communication, but more like understanding verbal and non verbal conflict, boundaries, scaffolding for how to try to understand and resolve social conflicts).   My kid tested average or better on most academic, cognitive and memory assessments but the Social Language Development Test (sldt-e) was able to show his impairment and need for services.  The activities your kid is doing sound great too! But if they're willing and able to engage on line, you can look for a group or therapist that specializes in something like "social thinking" or scaffolding. If your child is 2E you could also look at something like you could also look at young scholars academy., “Take a couple doses of ABA and everything will be fine” like they’re suggesting Tylenol for a friggin headache. It’s exhausting., That is brutal. We just started online therapy and it is going well. I would rather do in person too, but it is actually doing something. If you can find anyone who does it remotely. Mary Barbara does some stuff online but I haven’t used her and she’s pretty sales pitch focused but so was our psychologist who is trying to do 40 hours when my son can’t handle that, It'll take time and you need to give yourself a bit of break on those things. You're doing your best, it's not like this is a predictable situation :-). When you got the diagnosis, did they give you a list of additional resources (we got a few local organisations, some of them were not helpful, but some have been) Every kid is different and every ND brain is different. I talk to other parents of ND kids and their little ones might be "classed" the same level as mine but their actions and behaviours are different. In most cases, taking a step back before panicking/reacting, is a good step. Mine regularly, makes "soup" (finds a container, puts water in it, adds random things, could be paper towels, could be haribo, could be other food) obviously it makes a mess and he splashes it everywhere... Initially, I remove it, but now I ask him about it and try to get him to expand on what the heck is going on there :-) As for resources. I'm amazed how hard it is to find things that are easy to gain access to. However, thru friends of friends, I found a local support group for parents. Talking about "stuff" helps, and speaking to other parents who have been where you are, helps even more (i.e. finding clubs/other websites). So don't be afraid to talk about it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Help can come in different ways. You might even be able to get information from schools or the doctor for support based groups. Never be afraid to ask for anything., There’s no resources that will be able to make a meaningful impact on your child truthfully and no meds will stabilize them just sedate them it’s ultimately up to god what he has in mind. All you can do is pray, Those are great suggestions, thank you. I don’t believe my child technically is 2e, but they do exhibit many of the characteristics. Their IQ is in the very high to moderately gifted range. Lots of highly developed linguistic skills and can typically interpret abstract ideas on paper. Real life, they require clear cut, concrete language. They want very much to be social and do have two or three close friends, but they struggle with social cues and behavior. You want a kid who will tell you the honest truth no matter what? That’s mine. Worked great when they did the usual misbehavior things as a young child, because they never ever lied or concealed things and always owned up to their mistakes. As a preteen, they’re really good at telling people they smell or that their artwork sucks. And you almost (almost) can’t blame them, because they’re usually not wrong 🤦‍♀️🤪, Next time they’re melting down because there are too many slices of pepperoni on their pizza, I’m going to drop them off at the pediatrician’s office., I’ll get right on that., Your kid sounds a bit like mine (or like the kid I was myself 😂). You want someone to argue with a religious person about the fact that you couldn't use the scientific method to discuss God because God is a non falsifiable hypothesis? Middle school me was your girl. Did you need someone to explain that your short story sucked because no one spoke modern English in medieval France and your time traveler would get burned at the stake? I was there for you 😁.  I'm a few years behind you in the parent thing (my kid is 9) but I'm very much trying to gather resources to support him in having a better time during his adolescence. Feel free to DM me., >I’ve accepted it, gratefully. Their diagnosis was a relief. It’s not that. Accepting it is one thing, but it won’t find you the resources you need to understand your child and adapt to their strengths and abilities. one thing that has been a struggle for me growing up with an autistic brother is dealing with the voilence at home as he would beat me frequently and attempt to sexually assult and harras people around him. When I was younger and a child for a long time I blamed him and was tramatized and wanted to kill him. But then overtime with faith I was able to push through and it has helped me through hard times finding islam through this struggle and I find it very helpful for most parents to find some sort of faith regardless of the religon weather it be huindizm christ or islam. I know it sounds ridiculous but it has helped me immensely overtime., Thank you! When people respond negatively to their not so charming blunt delivery, they come back at them with, “I’m not rude, I’m autistic!” I love my child and I think their intelligence and creative talents and unabashed honesty are amazing, even enviable. The problem is that they understand their disorder better than anyone and will gladly play the autism card when it benefits them. And what are you gonna do, argue? We all know you can’t win an argument with an autistic kid. They’ll learn someday when they’re 25, walk into their boss’s office, and tell them their breath smells like rotten eggs, the stain didn’t come out of the tiny corner of their collar, and the framed photo of their children would be nice if their kids weren’t so weird looking. They might get fired, but their coworkers will love them for saying what everyone was already thinking., What helped me was starting to view interactions with work/school colleagues as more transactional. Like, what's the goal? Why am I having this interaction and what would be a good end result for me? Like, sure, I am objectively right about fact A, but if I say that: 1. the person I interacted with will have bad thoughts/feelings about me 2. I will have a negative interaction with them which will take a lot of my energy and I that would be annoying  3. They aren't going to change their mind about fact A, they will just now accept additional information that I'm a jerk 4. They will share their ninhursagswhim is a jerk belief with others who will now be less likely to like me Instead, what I can say to keep the other person from thinking about me at all (mindless pleasantry, move on) or to think good thoughts about me (is there a way to guess what they might like to talk about?)? A lot of it is trial and error of course! I'm hoping my kid will get it now and not in his 20s or 30s with the right therapy., That’s a really smart way to look at it and manage interactions. I’m keeping that in my back pocket.

Hard to diagnose Autism?

My son had an ADOS test in October and was not given a diagnosis. His ADHD is obvious and the assessor agreed with that but because he is 4 didn’t diagnose for that either. I was comfortable with waiting for another ADOS test in a year but I’m noticing some things and think my son may just be high masking during the evaluations. The reason I did the ADOS is he is aggressive with other children when overstimulated, but that could also be ADHD. He is also an only child and didn’t see any other kids throughout the pandemic we were very isolated until he was almost 3. His most recent social interactions have me questioning things. He goes right up to the other child’s face like too personal. He is very social and hates staying at home, he likes to be out and about. He is often very awkward in how he socializes it’s hard to describe. Like giving too many hugs, or getting in the other child’s personal space. Is this an autistic trait or am I over analyzing? For reference he makes great eye contact, never noticed any stimming or flapping, has never lined up toys, is very involved in imaginative play. He is very rigid about things, for example I gave him a freezie that was broken and he whipped it across the room. I know it’s a spectrum so I know lots of things are included I just don’t want to jump to conclusions and fight for a diagnosis if there is no need to.

While the social aspect you’re describing could be an autistic trait (my son often would get in other kids personal space and not understand when they were uncomfortable), I don’t know if that is enough on its own. My son was recently diagnosed and while he does have issues with other childrens personal space, he also stims, arm flaps, has poor eye contact, loves lining up toys and never imaginative plays which are all things you mentioned your son does. Best bet is probably another ADOS, but i feel like they’d be able to tell if he was just masking during the assessment.. im very new to the whole autism thing though so I could very well be wrong., This is exactly how social/communication issues present in my son who was finally diagnosed in October. His first assessment was at 3.5 and he did not meet the criteria for a diagnosis at that time. He does also meet the other criteria though - has no issue talking to others, but takes over conversations completely, echolalia, stimming, intense interests, perseveration, etc., While the social aspect you’re describing could be an autistic trait (my son often would get in other kids personal space and not understand when they were uncomfortable), I don’t know if that is enough on its own. My son was recently diagnosed and while he does have issues with other childrens personal space, he also stims, arm flaps, has poor eye contact, loves lining up toys and never imaginative plays which are all things you mentioned your son does. Best bet is probably another ADOS, but i feel like they’d be able to tell if he was just masking during the assessment.. im very new to the whole autism thing though so I could very well be wrong., This is exactly how social/communication issues present in my son who was finally diagnosed in October. His first assessment was at 3.5 and he did not meet the criteria for a diagnosis at that time. He does also meet the other criteria though - has no issue talking to others, but takes over conversations completely, echolalia, stimming, intense interests, perseveration, etc., While the social aspect you’re describing could be an autistic trait (my son often would get in other kids personal space and not understand when they were uncomfortable), I don’t know if that is enough on its own. My son was recently diagnosed and while he does have issues with other childrens personal space, he also stims, arm flaps, has poor eye contact, loves lining up toys and never imaginative plays which are all things you mentioned your son does. Best bet is probably another ADOS, but i feel like they’d be able to tell if he was just masking during the assessment.. im very new to the whole autism thing though so I could very well be wrong., This is exactly how social/communication issues present in my son who was finally diagnosed in October. His first assessment was at 3.5 and he did not meet the criteria for a diagnosis at that time. He does also meet the other criteria though - has no issue talking to others, but takes over conversations completely, echolalia, stimming, intense interests, perseveration, etc., While the social aspect you’re describing could be an autistic trait (my son often would get in other kids personal space and not understand when they were uncomfortable), I don’t know if that is enough on its own. My son was recently diagnosed and while he does have issues with other childrens personal space, he also stims, arm flaps, has poor eye contact, loves lining up toys and never imaginative plays which are all things you mentioned your son does. Best bet is probably another ADOS, but i feel like they’d be able to tell if he was just masking during the assessment.. im very new to the whole autism thing though so I could very well be wrong., This is exactly how social/communication issues present in my son who was finally diagnosed in October. His first assessment was at 3.5 and he did not meet the criteria for a diagnosis at that time. He does also meet the other criteria though - has no issue talking to others, but takes over conversations completely, echolalia, stimming, intense interests, perseveration, etc.

Has anyone been surprised by an autism diagnosis?

Has anyone received an autism diagnosis and were not expecting it? My son (26 months) recently went through an evaluation with a developmental pediatrician through our health insurance because of a speech delay (he had been in speech therapy for 4 months prior to the evaluation), and at the end of the evaluation we were told that my son meets the criteria for an autism spectrum diagnosis. Me and my husband were super shocked and were not expecting the diagnosis at all. We were told that he met the autism diagnosis criteria because the pediatrician observed my son do some “overly rough play” when the pediatrician was trying to get my son to play with a ball; and also because of some rigid behaviors because my son often “protested” when the pediatrician attempted to direct him to certain activities (my son said “no” multiple times during the evaluation when the pediatrician was attempting to get him to play with certain toys). Also, the pediatrician explained to us that even though my son makes great eye contact most of the time, my son didn’t make/maintain eye contact with the pediatrician when he was reaching for some toys. At the end of the evaluation when the pediatrician told us that our son met the criteria for an autism diagnosis, the pediatrician told us we can either “table” the diagnosis and not pursue any therapies and go on living as we normally would, or we could have my son evaluated again through their outside vendor to see if he would qualify for ABA therapy but that there was a chance he wouldn’t need it. The pediatrician told us his speech delay isn’t too bad and to continue with speech therapy a little longer, and that my son doesn’t seem to need occupational therapy because he doesn’t have any sensory issues. The pediatrician also asked us if there was anything we wanted help with in regards to my son’s behavior, and me and my husband literally couldn’t tell her a single thing because overall my son is actually a pretty easy going kid. My son goes to preschool two days a week, and there have been zero issues and the teachers tell us he is doing great and playing well with the other kids. He has also been doing very well at speech therapy and we were told that they might want to discharge him soon because he seems to be all caught up. I just wanted to see if any other parents have had a similar experience and what did they choose to do? Did you choose to “table” the diagnosis and sorta forget about it? Or did you pursue services? I was under the impression that most of the time, parents are somewhat expecting an autism diagnosis and I thought it was rare to be blindsided by one like me and my husband were.

At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him., At 26 months I thought my daughter was autistic but my husband didn't. By her fourth birthday we were both sure.   If your child isn't actually autistic then no amount of therapy is going to make them autistic, but if they are then not getting needed therapy could set them back years , I was kind of blindsided too. We went through the early intervention process from around 20mo-3y that ended with a diagnosis I did not see coming. My son is silly and affectionate, he was what we considered verbal, etc. Looking back, there’s a lot of things that seem obvious in hindsight that were extremely subtle at the time, like stims and sensory-related difficulties. He’s 5 now and his differences are more obvious, but at 2-3 there’s still a lot of gray area between toddlers being toddlers and something more. If nothing else, you’ve now got access to services that will help, and that’s a good thing. Good luck to you ❤️, I had no clue my son was autistic. Diagnosis at 11 yr old., As you learn more about it, it will be less of a surprise. My daughter had perfectly normal development (so I thought) until age 3 then all hell broke loose, as it were. As I learned more, like many parents, I found signs in other family members that explain how we got here. I definitely think getting the services won't hurt anything and if the diagnosis is not correct, he will either not qualify or will get discharged based on progress. My daughter embraces her autism as one of her personality quirks. She also knows what her struggles are and has gotten good at self advocacy (she is 8), I am disturbed and frankly floored that a developmental pediatrician would suggest “tabling” a diagnosis and resuming your daily life as an option. Especially for a pervasive developmental disorder. That is in stark contrast to what their profession stands for/seeks to do. There is a high standard for meeting criteria for ASD. There was a journey you went on before you arrived at the developmental pediatrician. Many parents are in shock — because they are in denial. Many parents also downplay symptoms of autism that a professional can identify. It’s unlikely that the diagnosis is wrong. Children with autism can make great strides with early intervention. If I were you I would be proactive and seek services. Everyone was telling me my son didn’t have autism when he was a young toddler. Even the pediatrician and early intervention. He did, in fact, have autism and was diagnosed at 23 months. He also made great eye contact, responded to his name, very happy, was very affectionate and ate pretty much anything. It’s been 2.5 years since he was diagnosed and it’s veryyyyyyyy clear he has autism. When children are young with delays the gap between them and their peers is smaller because objectively a 2 year old has less complex milestones than a 5 year old. As they grow older, you can see that gap widen and the atypicalities will be obvious. Extra help never hurts. Not seeking help when in hindsight it was needed hurts., Yes, we were very surprised. Our daughter had been in speech therapy for over a year when she was evaluated by our local school district. In that evaluation she “met the eligibility criteria” for autism. This was made very clear to us wasn’t a “diagnosis”. But it was the first time anyone had ever suggested autism as a possible explanation for her speech delay. We later had her assessed by a developmental psychologist who officially diagnosed her as autistic. Some of that report honestly felt inaccurate. (There was something in there about our daughter not exhibiting pretend play but instead crashing toy dinosaurs together while making screaming noises. Sorry to break it to you guys but the dinosaurs were eating each other.) We accepted the diagnosis despite being somewhat puzzled by it and enrolled her in a developmental preschool as well as continued/additional speech therapy and occupational therapy, plus music therapy and art classes, all of which were provided at no cost to us because of the diagnosis. The therapies were very helpful and our daughter made very good progress. Recently, after about a year and a half of the additional therapies and developmental preschool, our daughter’s teacher has suggested that autism might not be the most accurate diagnosis. She feels her disability might be more specifically tied to struggles with auditory processing. That’s obviously a facet of autism as well, but as she’s gotten older our daughter is exhibiting fewer signs of autistic behaviors. She’s very good at reading social cues, does not have any particular sensory sensitivities, does not exhibit rigid interests or repetitive behaviors. She just kind of tunes people out when they talk to her sometimes. So now it’s looking like, after a year of coming to terms with our daughter being autistic, maybe she isn’t? Either way though we are very grateful to the extra services, which have been enormously helpful to her development., Why did you go to a developmental pediatrician in the first place if everything was just fine? Generally speaking, DevPeds have a lot of experience with kids with autism, so you ignore their diagnosis at your own risk. If your child does end up needing additional support later, you may regret it. If not, then all good., Yes. As a first time mom, I was very concerned when my son wasn't talking by 2. I took him to our local regional center for an evaluation (I suspected autism because of the delay,) but they essentially said that there wasn't enough to say "yes" or "no." (I wonder, now, how thorough the evaluation was.) He started getting speech therapy, but had to put a pause on it through the years due to having a newborn/pandemic. Through the years, various people suggested he might have autism (or needed to be evaluated): a speech therapist, daycare provider, dentist, preschool director, but they were either people who barely knew my son, or whose opinions I did not trust. By the time he was in kindergarten, he tested out of speech with a 4th grade vocabulary. So, it seemed at the time, that the concerns I had for my son were alleviated. Even still, I have always known there was something different about my son without knowing what. Every single teacher he's had, I've asked if they see anything in him. They all assured me that, no, he was a highly intelligent and sweet boy. Until this year in the third grade (he's 8.) He started having social difficulties that couldn't be explained away by him being "so young." The school suggested that he join a group counseling session. After six weeks, the counselor said that she had not seen any improvement. But when she was talking about my son, it was like she was describing someone with autism. I was perplexed by this because he doesn't stem, flap his arms, have many sensory issues, and he's incredibly social. This shot me down a rabbit hole of researching SPD, ADHD, autism etc. I talked to an autism specialist at my school (I teach) and she told me that he sounded autistic even though he didn't do any of those classic markers. We requested an SST about a month ago, requested testing for adhd, autism, and ED and everyone at the table strongly suspected autism. It still wasn't real until I got the call about 3 weeks ago that he does, in fact, have autism.  I'm going to be honest, this has hit me significantly. I started having panic attacks at works, and needed to go on short-term disability. Not because it changes how I view my son, but the guilt for not knowing sooner. The guilt of thinking he was being selfish with his inflexible thinking. The worry over his future. The worry about how he will view himself.   I am getting plugged into support, and have found people who are literally holding me in this.  I look at him and am relieved to have an answer (finally,) but it saddens me to for his sake. I hope I am so so very wrong, and my worries are for naught.  I am doing research (namely books for parents,) so I can understand autism better.  I'm seeing now that I should have made my own post. Lol.  This is a blessing for your son. To be understood at such a young age. , This was a ways back because he’s 17 now. My son struggled in preschool and the school psychologist/sped team decided he met the criteria to be educated as a child with ASD. The dev ped we took him said no, he didn’t have ASD, but to bring him back when he was a little older to be evaluated for ADHD if he didn’t settle down. Well, he did settle, has never had a moment of trouble in school, is an A student and an athlete. However, he does deal with anxiety and mild OCD, and his therapist has suggested that he might qualify for an ASD diagnosis now. We haven’t had him evaluated though. I’ve gone back and forth on it, but we’re addressing all the things that give him trouble, and I’m still not sure that ASD quite fits him. (Especially as we have another kid who definitely DOES have ASD). All to say, my advice is to take the dx, get your kid all the services you can to address whatever symptoms make his daily life more difficult or challenging, and don’t worry about labels., We were referred straight to an SLP for language delay and didn’t get an ASD eval at 2, but I would have been very surprised to get a diagnosis then. By the time my kid was actually diagnosed at age 5 it was very obvious. Conversely some studies find that ASD diagnoses in toddlers are not very stable ([this study found 37% of kids diagnosed from age 1-3 did not qualify at 5-7](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2810092) ) It can really go either way, though a kid who doesn’t meet ASD criteria later may meet criteria for something like ADHD, language disorder, etc. The label is useful but it shouldn’t dictate interventions. We did speech therapy and OT before and after getting a formal diagnosis, and we would not have done ABA even if she was diagnosed at 2 because she didn’t need it., Yes. With my daughter. I thought she was having no school related anxiety and took her to the neuropsychologist for evaluation because she didn’t seem to have a clear cut diagnosis and also had a not so clear cut ADHD diagnosis. But after the neuropsychologist started the evaluation she said she realized that her anxiety was not anxiety at all and instead was her rigidity. We were also somewhat surprised when my son was diagnosed because while I knew he had extreme social issues we had been told he couldn’t be autistic because he didn’t have developmental delays when he was young. What I am having to really realize is that the stereotype of what autism looks like is so narrow compared to what autistic people/people with autism are actually like that my surprise is really stemming from that. My advice is to not discard the diagnosis and see if they do qualify for therapy., I was pretty shocked. No one had brought up autism, and I took her to lots of doctors/therapists/daycare/schools. Finally, we got a diagnosis when they turned 6., Totally blindsided. Honestly, watching my kid play with other kids, sometimes I see it and other times I'm still baffled. There are times I'm still not sure I understand why it's autism rather than a general anxiety disorder, but I guess there's a lot of overlap. , I knew without a doubt that my son had ADHD. I did not even consider that he might be autistic until a dental hygienist asked me if he was (after he had run out of the dental office & refused to come back in to have his appointment). I wasn’t totally convinced until the diagnosis came back for both ADHD and autism. He's on the higher functioning end, so he's had language therapy and OT and graduated out of both fairly quickly. I'm considering some other therapies to help with his emotional control, but he's not receiving anything right now. Anyway, even if you think he might be okay without therapy, I would get the ball rolling. A lot of places have waiting lists, and you don't want to be like us and wait until any problems get "severe enough" before taking action. They come on fast sometimes., I guess? My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and we weren’t just shocked, we flat out didn’t believe it. We were right, and she lost the autism diagnosis once she was fully verbal. A non verbal toddler/preschooler with a global developmental delay (caused by seizures in her case), sensory issues (which she still very much has), and epilepsy just looks incredibly autistic. We knew both of our actually autistic kids were autistic before we got a diagnosis. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit- just wanted to say, more therapy can never hurt, imo, as long as your kid isn’t acting burnt out. And, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a mom. If it wasn’t for a ton of therapy, that we started very young (long before she was diagnosed with anything other than epilepsy), my daughter might actually still have said diagnosis., It sounds like your kiddo would probably have high functioning autism and need less support. It was crystal clear to me with my son between 2.5-3 that he had autism. He got diagnosed at 3 by third party. If I don’t tell anyone my son is autistic he would fly under the radar, it’s only when he randomly stims that people look twice and notice something. When a young kid is autistic it is not so noticeable if they are high functioning because some of their behaviors or speech could be brushed off as being young. It becomes more apparent with age if they don’t receive the support they need. My school didn’t even notice a thing till I kept probing and asking. Schools may see your baby playing next to another kid and say he plays well. It’s hard to tell at that age because kids do parallel play it’s only if it was on the extreme end where your kiddo is always alone. ABA has done wonders for our family. My son has skyrocketed in all areas of development and in fact in some areas probably exceeds what a NT kid would do. He’s always been ‘social’ but his interactions wouldn’t be successful or would be considered awkward. He’s improved so much. With that said it’s been a tough sacrifice for us. He attends state preschool (receives some services)for 3 hours so is back home from 12pm which is tough on two full time working parents. He used to attend a second school after and receive services there but it was too much for him. The moment we dropped his second school he changed drastically and was a lot happier so he receives services in home now which is also a little rough because one of us has to be around and present. It has all been worth it honestly. I would get him evaluated by a third party and that way you never look back and regret anything., This is it right here., I relate a lot to this as well. We were blindsided when he was assessed at age 4. My son met all milestones however he was memorizing books and reciting episodes (we now know this is echolalia) from shows but was still conversational. He made eye contact but not always. Now that he is 5 the differences in his social skills in comparison to his peers is more obvious. We also now see his running laps around the house as stimming (we didn’t before). He plays a lot of pretend play but it can be rigid, however his friends and little brother don’t mind and join right in. I think in hindsight there are more signs, however it’s more apparent as they get older for some kiddos because autism is a disability related to social skills and when their peers develop, the differences become more pronounced., Thank you ❤️, Also, did the extra services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you for this ❤️, Also, how old was your daughter at time of initial “met criteria” and how old was she when she received the diagnosis from the psychologist?, Our insurance referred us to the evaluation as part of receiving authorization for speech therapy., Thank you for sharing this story. Looking back, what were the signs/symptoms that might have indicated he had autism?, Thank you for this ❤️, Very interesting. Thank you for this info., Thank you for this. How old were your daughter and son at time of diagnosis?, Are there any things you’ve done differently as a result of the diagnosis?, How old was your son at time of diagnosis?, Thank you for this info. We are actually looking into getting an evaluation through a third party., We had a path of dead grass in our backyard from where little man would do his laps!, At this point, no, I don’t think so. He’s a happy kid and I don’t think he thinks there’s anything different about him compared to any of the other kids. He’s in an integrated Pre-K class with 10 neurotypical kids and 4 other kids who get additional services. He gets pulled out of his class for speech and OT, if anything the kids who don’t are jealous. It’s been great for helping him socially which is still something we’re working on. He really wants to play with other kids but struggles with understanding and initiating those interactions. The difference from when he started school to where he is now has been really awesome to see., She was just about to turn 3 when she got the initial "met the criteria" assessment by the school district. We quickly scheduled the diagnosis meeting with the psychologist but I believe it was 4 or 5 months before they got us in there for it., Great question. He has always seen others as "objects" to play his games. Like, he isn't all that interested in getting to know/connect with others, but wants to play, so they are means to an end. When he gets in trouble, he smiles and it really bothers him when this happens. He has rigid thinking. He would get upset when his little sister would say she's a unicorn because she can't literally be a unicorn. He tends to not understand personal space (not necessarily being in someone's face) but standing in front of someone when they are trying to see or being in someone's way without realizing. I sometimes have to explain to him that what he is saying could come across as rude. He has trouble letting things go. One of his school friends' house burned down, and he would bring it up all the time like it had just happened. His sister was using Toothpaste that said "ages 6 and up" and he couldn't let it go because she's only five (black and white thinking.) Trying new foods is a very big ordeal. Like, his whole body gets into it like he's recoiling.  He also has toe walked on and off for years.  There are so many little things that (by themselves) don't seem all that important, but (when you put them all together) it makes a lot of sense why he has autism. , My son was 11 and my daughter was just diagnosed in January. She is 9., OT, pre diagnosis, but he was since discharged. Social skills support and pragmatic speech. Outside activities geared toward interests -- math team, coding that kind of thing. It's been very helpful and the kid seems much happier so I can't complain., He was almost 9., Haha I love that, Did the services have any effects on your daughter’s view of herself?, Thank you! This is helpful as I am dealing with a similar situation with my kid., Also, given the relative mildness (I infer) of his autism, have you done any formal therapy or is it more about being mindful about how you parent him, like making social norms more explicit? Curious to know if you think outside help is still useful in cases like this., Honestly, the diagnosis doesn't define your son....it is there to help you access services. Take it as the tool it is and don't worry too much about the label! Your son will develop his first view of himself through your eyes so don't let this diagnosis change the way you view your child and he won't be bothered by it either. <3 Ps. My kids LOVE their therapies and have no idea that the appointments are any different than going to the dentist or gymnastics class. <3, At 26 months, your son isn't going to have any thoughts on who he is. My daughter is 4.5, she's been in services since 3. It's just something she does. My friend's 7-year-old daughter was recently put in OT and is seeing a therapist for what is either autism or anxiety. She calls OT "gym" and loves it. Sure there can be people who feel "othered" or a stigma as you get older, but mental issues are much more accepted when you get down into gen z and gen alpha with much less stigma... and when you're a toddler or preschooler, your life is your normal. It doesn't matter to you., Honestly, this is so new to us that I am not sure. We haven't had his IEP yet (the school psychologist called me to tell me the results of the ADOS.) I'm waiting to see what kind of services the school will offer. I am not at all opposed to him going to therapy (not necessarily ABA because his autism is so "mild.") I would absolutely pursue therapy if the supports aren't helping him.  One thing I have started doing is narrating/explaining things for him. "Hey, son, do you see how that person looked at their watch while I was talking to them?" That showed me that they needed to go, so I wrapped up the conversation. Or...have you noticed that my voice got more serious? That's because I am frustrated you won't do your homework. I don't know if this helps, but I will do anything to help him.

Has anyone disagreed with an autism diagnosis for their child?

I’m hoping to find someone with a similar experience with your child receiving an autism diagnosis for which you didn’t agree with, and what the eventual outcome was for your child; and whether or not you sought treatment for autism even though you didn’t believe that was the correct diagnosis. When my son was 18 months old, me and my husband had him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician because we noticed he wasn’t saying many words, or as many words as we thought be should be saying, for a child who was 18 months. The developmental pediatrician evaluated him and determined he was speech delayed, told us that our son had no signs of autism, and referred us to speech therapy. We began the speech therapy, one day a week for 30 minutes, and my son’s speech has greatly improved since then. We also had an evaluation through the San Diego Regional Center, who also recommended speech therapy and made no mention of an autism diagnosis. My son is now 21 months old, and today we took him to a follow-up evaluation with a different developmental pediatrician. At the end of the evaluation today, the pediatrician told us that she believed our son has autism. The reasons she said she believed he has autism was because of his speech delay and because of what she described as, “immature play”. She told us we can have an additional evaluation if we did not want to accept her diagnosis. My son has always seemed to meet all of his milestones, and his speech has been the only milestone he has struggled with. He has no sensory or behavioral issues, and we get lots of compliments on how well behaved he is. He says around 40 words now, but only one word at a time and does not put together short phrases yet. He has none of the “classic” autism behaviors such as repetitive movements or obsessive interests. So my question is: are there any moms out there who have had a similar experience, and chose not to accept the autism diagnosis and chose not to pursue early intervention? And what was the eventual outcome for your child? Did your child have normal development, or did your child end up struggling? Do you wish you would have done the early intervention and behavioral therapy?

My son doesnt have those behaviors either but hes still autistic. I suspected it for awhile before his evaluation actually. Hes the light of the room and everyone loves him... but that doesn't mean he cant be autistic. It sounds like you may have a picture in your head of what that is which is incorrect. Id get a third evaluation just to tell you one way or the other, but wanted to jump in and say that not all kids have "classic" signs., My son was diagnosed at about 2.5yo. He’s 5 now, non verbal and honestly I’d suggest an in depth evaluation. His evaluation was almost 3 hours. There was his developmental specialist, a speech therapist and a physical therapist asking questions and taking turns observing/playing with him. I knew something was up with him because he also didn’t have other milestones. But be honest. Even if you’re right. Having the early intervention for him is not going to hurt him. You’ll see more improvements and he gets help catching up in the areas he’s lacking. I also have a 3yo who has a general developmental and speech delay but no autism. Having him in early intervention has helped him blossom and grow so much in so little time. He’s catching up on speech. He’s being more social and playful. I would take the help. You’ll make your kids life easier., Why would you not do early intervention when you've already been sending him to speech therapy? You already credited progress to therapy, now you want to deny him therapy? And you're definitely way off if you're judging this on your "classic signs" of autism., Generally, this is the wrong place to ask this question as most parents here with have children diagnosed with autism or are expecting an autism diagnosis and hoping for the additional therapeutic interventions that are only possible after a diagnosis. Why exactly are you against the diagnosis? What harm do you feel would come from early intervention? Research has shown that early therapy can be extremely beneficial to children with autism. The earlier the better in fact. How would you feel if you disagreed with the diagnosis, didn’t do therapy, and it turned out in a few years that you were wrong? Your child is still young for a diagnosis. If you’re questioning why you didn’t get one at 18 months, it’s because most doctors really shy away from diagnosis that young. At the end of the day, you’ve been seeking out a lot of evaluation for a child that age. This says to me that consciously or subconsciously you realize something is not exactly typical in your child’s development. I realized very young (6 months) that my child was not developing typically. Started early intervention at 1 year. It wasn’t until 3 that I had a diagnosis for it - and wasn’t until two that I considered autism as a possibility., I'd believe the doctor before I trusted your knowledge on what autistic people should do/look/behave like, Did they give you an example of immature play? Like is he only interested in spinning wheels on cars? Was this an independent evaluation and diagnosis or just a casual observation? My son is a bit older, 5 yrs old but we missed some of the earlier signs, for example he makes eye contact with mom and dad so we never noticed he doesn't make eye contact with people outside of us. We missed early intervention because a pediatrician brushed off our concerns regarding his delays and quirks as being due to the pandemic but are doing OT and speech now after switching pediatricians, he also has an IEP and is almost 100% of the time in the spec ed class. At 5, my son is clearly autistic. Even without an official diagnosis(on wait lists for that and now working with speech and OT to try and find somewhere quicker than 2 yrs out to get the diagnosis), everyone even his therapist always assume he's been officially diagnosed. I missed a lot of the early signs, except speech delay which could've other reasons for it. Don't be like me, as parents we can miss things and just think it's an odd quirk or over look less commonly known symptoms, better safe to have a proper evaluation done sooner, than being sorry later that you didn't realise there was more at play. I'm definitely not saying that your son is ASD, I have no idea. But it won't hurt to have an evaluation or second opinion, it's difficult to catch that early., My son didn’t have any of the typical behaviours at that age either. Sometimes those behaviours don’t come out until later on. I would advise a full evaluation using the ADOS diagnostic test. It’s better to know early., The doctor has more expertise and has probably seen children performing like your son that had been diagnosed as autistic. It's natural to be in denial cause it sounds scary but it's not the 90s anymore where only high level autistic were diagnosed and those low on the spectrum were overlooked because they didnt have the diagnosis technology they have today. There are 25 million autistic people in the world, and that's not counting those that haven't been diagnosed. If you want you can do an in depth evaluation at another center but just know, it's okay., I would accept the diagnosis and let it be for now - it opens to the doors for more therapy which is never a bad thing. There’s a reason it was diagnosed. My NT younger son had a language delay around your son’s age and none of the evaluators mentioned autism or even the possibility of it to us as there were no signs of it. He just had a speech delay, and he caught up rather quickly from 2 to 3 years old with the help of speech therapy. My ND older son on the other hand… He met every milestone, had no language delay, was well behaved (at your son’s age), had no sensory issues (at your son’s age), etc.. and yet at 7 years old he now has multiple diagnoses. It is a huge spectrum. And things change. He now has behavioral and sensory struggles that didn’t come out until he was older. Your kiddo is so young! The more “typical” autism signs are just one presentation of ASD in the midst of a huge spectrum. I never in a million years would have suspected ASD or ADHD at 21 months with my oldest. I had no idea about these more “atypical” presentations. Evaluators and professionals understand way more about this than society does right now. Society has a lot of learning to do on the neurodivergent community. We tend to only think of these “typical” presentations and the reality is there are a lot of undiagnosed adults who fit the more “atypical” side of the spectrum and are undiagnosed because of lack of awareness and understanding. Anyway, just keep getting your kiddo therapy and services and let time tell your son’s story. Things change sooo much, he is still a baby! You can and will continue to reevaluate. We just had another eval done for my 7 year old recently. I’m still learning a lot about him - he’s complicated! Just take things one day at a time. Diagnoses can change and evolve over time. Labels can be confusing. I often think there should be multiple labels rather than one huge spectrum. My nephew has very “typical” ASD and he and my son are polar opposites so it’s hard for family to wrap their heads around them having the same diagnosis. It can be confusing. But at the end of the day, each child is an Individual who will have their own unique neurodivergent journey. Sorry, I just saw your last sentence and frankly I found it a bit infuriating. Why in the world would you not pursue early intervention? There is literally no harm in it. It would be negligent and cruel to ignore this. As I said, my youngest who is NOT on the spectrum had a language delay at your kid’s age and no one even mentioned autism in his eval because there were no signs of it. It was mentioned during your child’s eval for a reason. Ignoring that is a slap in the face to your child. Say he’s on the spectrum and when he’s older he asks why you didn’t pursue help earlier. What are you going to say? Bc you didn’t want to accept it? Grow up and get your kid help. Also, “well behaved” compliments at 21 months old… that in itself can be atypical. Toddlers are whacky and get into mischief. That’s normal. I see that now with my 3 year old. He’s pushing boundaries, never sits still, and is a handful. And he’s neurotypical, like I said earlier. My 7 year old as a toddler was trying to learning to write his letters and trying to learn to read and just overall acting much older than his peers. I thought he was just super well behaved but actually looking back, he was quite atypical compared to “normal” toddlers. I miss took well behaved for normal but the reality is that it’s normal for toddlers to NOT be well behaved. That all changed BIG TIME around 4. His peers were settling down and starting to behave and he was suddenly NOT behaving. And now 3 years later, with an IEP and accommodations, I still get calls from his school weekly. Things change. I truly never saw this coming., One possibility is DLD (developmental language delay) as opposed to autism. Or, he might be autistic. I think time will tell. The reality is that autism is a very broad diagnosis and there's a lot of variability. My son didn't have speech delay, only behavioural issues - the opposite of your case. For us, we were like "is this really autism? Or is this some other psychological issue?" because he didn't have the language delay or repetitive behaviour that's supposed to be diagnostic. But as he got older it became very obvious he's different from neurotypical kids. We're now convinced he "is" autistic. I've now met a lot of other autistic kids and none of them is exactly like my kid, or exactly like each other - each one is unique. And that makes sense, really. Autism is genetic, but unlike some disorders it's not caused by a single gene. So every kid's etiology of autism is different, their autism is caused by a different thing, so of course their autism presents differently... it's really a bunch of different disorders under one umbrella. The important connection is that it's a disability which requires accommodations., No, autism is very complex and it seems like you have a different idea of what autism is in your mind. It’s a spectrum., It's stories like this that really make me wish that we pushed a more nuanced picture of autism to the general public. I think it's slowly getting better, but the primary information most people get pushed upon them is "autism = obvious developmental delays". Of course, that can be and often is a part of it, but there are plenty of autistic people who are hitting lots of milestones on-time or early, who get completely overlooked for years until shit hits the fan later, sometimes in high school, college, the first full-time job, or having their own kids. Case in point, my youngest child. It wasn't even remotely on the map of consideration for our youngest until the tween years, they weren't actually diagnosed until age 22, and it was something they handled entirely themselves besides the parent interview stuff, because it was that late. They not only weren't speech delayed, but were an early talker and developing some aspects of speech roughly twice as fast as most NTs. Almost none of their basic milestones were delayed and a lot of them were quite early. They were also hyperlexic and at one point several years ahead in math. What happened later? Going into middle school, they couldn't compensate socially like they could in elementary school and lost a lot of friends. They lost out on academic opportunities because the "full package" started to matter more, especially in college, where you couldn't just get instructors to vouch for you anymore because you got an A in their class. They're still mystified by job interviews and networking for the most part. When they started dating, they had no idea why nothing ever worked out physically and they almost never wanted to be touched by their partner. Please do you kid a favor now and make sure they don't end up wondering what's going on in 20 years., In your position, I probably wouldn't pursue ABA, but I would add OT into the mix. It sounds like the two major areas are speech and play skills. The SLP is addressing speech, and the OT will address play skills. Even if your child doesn't have autism and it is hard to diagnose at that young an age, he does have some delays, and it is always appropriate to support those with therapy. An autism diagnosis will give you good access to therapy and insurance will cover a lot due to it (if you are in the US), so I would go with it for now. They will reevaluate in a few years. If the diagnosis doesn't fit, it can be removed., Oh, I realize I didn't fully answer your questions -- you can pursue certain therapies without the autism diagnosis, but your insurance will probably cover more using the diagnosis. For example you can private pay for speech, etc. (and depending on your insurance, this might be somewhat covered without the ASD diagnosis) but the diagnosis helps open up different services, etc., Just a few thoughts: 1) Autism is still incredibly stigmatized and it makes sense you are feeling a lot of emotions with this. So give yourself grace! There are a couple books that really helped me along with groups like this, connecting with people locally with similar experiences, etc. 2) ASD now encompasses a verrry broad spectrum. There is still so so much we need to learn about different childrens' developmental trajectories over time (see [this article](https://answers.childrenshospital.org/autism-reevaluation/)) and also what therapies help what kids. It's honestly really frustrating to me at times how little we know but this is how science is. 3) Yes, I can somewhat relate to you since when concerns were first raised about my son by daycare teachers, I did not think it was autism at first. (The difference was they did not \*explicitly\* say autism given their background as teachers, not psychologists/MDs who can diagnose stuff.) My son was also always "well behaved" as a young toddler (actually still comes across this way in many settings) and he also had no language delay and "passed" the M-CHAT multiple times. (To be fair though, there are a few of those questions looking back on it, we mayybe should have answered differently. But we were doing our best to answer correctly.) 4) My thoughts on therapy are evolving, but if I had to sum up my current feeling, it's that you may get conflicting advice from different "experts" and sources. And there's a lot out there on how you "need" to do certain therapies for certain amounts of hours, etc. But they don't know your child as well as you do. Also, there's stuff that certain people communicate like it's "fact" when the science on some of this stuff has a lot of gaps. So keep oriented to how YOUR actual child is doing and what YOU think they are benefiting from. I've only just started it, but I really like the book "Uniquely Human" so far and he has a section about therapy., I can totally relate with feeling unsure about the diagnosis. Not all kids show "classic" signs of autism. I have a 5.5 yo son and 4.5 yo daughter with autism. My daughter was a mystery for us for several years. From 1.5- 4 we were trying to figure out what was going on. Our developmental ped was also stumped. We got an in depth evaluation for autism. I studied special education, worked in ABA, and have another autistic child, and personally have no reason to not want my child to have an autism diagnosis, but I went into it thinking from a symptomatic standpoint that "there's no way she has autism". 😂 Well, she does. Haha. She got diagnosed with autism and global developmental delay (lower IQ but not low enough for an intellectual disability) Even the first week after her diagnosis I was not convinced she was autistic, and had a constant anxiety that she was misdiagnosed. After a few months I'm now a lot more confident she received the proper diagnosis. I always thought the things she did, her quirks and struggles, were just "Rinnah" things, and in a sense they still are... But it's because "Rinnah is autistic" that she does those things. My son is a little more "skilled" cognitively, but also a little more "classical" in his presentation of his autism. It's shown me how diverse autism can present. As shes gotten older I've also seen her struggles increase along with the need for interventions. I could go on and on but, all that to say.... I totally understand it can feel confusing if your child doesn't present the signs you'd expect for autism. I think the world of autism is growing a lot lately and people are realizing that it's much more than just that stereotypical set of symptoms that we all expect to see. Even the more subtle symptoms can impact a person's life. But if you don't agree with the diagnosis by all means seek a second opinion or further evaluation!! No harm in digging deeper. Whether autistic or not your little one seems like a wonderful person that makes your life fuller and more beautiful!! 😊, My oldest is diagnosed with autism, but doesn’t need any classroom support (at a private school with no IEP), nor does he really qualify for or need specialized therapies. He’s still autistic, but he’s not limited in any way because of that. So your diagnosis doesn’t have to be actionable in that way. However, we were told that our oldest will likely need socialization support/therapy as he gets older, which is great to know ahead of time. So that really only helps. Like others said, no harm in a diagnosis. I think a lot of society still has this image of autism as either the Rainman or the Good Doctor, but there are plenty of in-between people., Download the Asdetect app and do the assessment on your child It was created by researchers after assessing over 20,000 children and is pretty accurate. It will tell you if he has a low likelihood or high likelihood of having autism., Have you tried baby sign language? There are roughly 20-40 basic signs. Eg eat, drink, sleepy, etc. Has he learned to point at things? My son would point at a puppy or dog and smile, etc., How long was the follow up evaluation? Was it long enough to make an actual proper diagnosis? Did she use the full ADOS?, My son has pretty bad ADHD. Whether he is autistic as well is a bit of a question. We are treating his ADHD medically, but it's not a magic panacea. The different medical practitioners we've seen disagree on whether he is autistic. But he does have a lot of different issues due to being ND, and the one official autism diagnosis we do have has opened up a lot of supports for things he does need. Most of the doctors we've seen who don't see autism also say that they are fine with the label if it provides him the things he needs, and won't say he isn't autistic. We never considered ABA or similar therapies. He does qualify for many school supports, and is in a great autism inclusion school. I do kind of wish we had gotten more supports earlier, such as OT, but he's doing well with what he has., I didn’t agree with my sons diagnosis at 2 years and 3 months. He had 3 Additional assessments by different providers and they all confirmed autism. Although it feels devastating I’m so Glad we got an early diagnosis and early intervention. Signs can be subtle with autism and I learned to trust experts in their field, See, my kid is super creative, and his stuffies have names, personalities and conversations. But here we are, with ASD. It is a complex disorder. I watched the kid and the twin, and only much later in their lives (at 9-10) did I begin to wonder what was up. Looking back, some of the issues that kept him from an early diagnosis were how the ped asked questions about possible autistic behaviours, our own ‘new parent does not know what normal looks like’, plus ‘oh boys develop slower than girls.’ I wish we had earlier interventions, particularly in terms of sensory processing differences and social cues. I’m glad you got your child seen early by dev ped. Some kids are misdiagnosed as ASD when in actuality they have other neurodivergent issues. This can take a while to disentangle. However, your doctor has experience and rose tinted glasses will be deeply unhelpful to your family and the kid. Keep your child going to the early intervention programs prescribed. If it would feel better to you, have another ped dev do an in-depth eval., A lot of autistic children seem to develop just fine and hit their milestones until they’re 18-24 months old. As they grow older the autistic traits become stronger and the gap to other children grows bigger. We have 5 year old twins. Our son seemed to grow into his autism from day one while his twin sister seemed to develop just fine until the age of two. They both don’t show “all the autistic traits” but that doesn’t change their diagnosis. We’ve spent the past 3 years hoping for them to finally get tested after doctors kept telling us that “twins are always a little slow”. Your baby is still little but if a therapist or doctor raises concerns, listen to them and get all the support you can for your child. They see autistic and non autistic kids every day, you only see your child and you’re emotionally involved. Are you sure that you disagree with the diagnosis objectively or do you hope that they’re wrong because you (obviously) hope that your child isn’t autistic and it’ll all be easy and fine one day? I’m sure we’ve all been at that point. We all have days of hating autism or grieving the healthy child with the easy life it deserves. We’re parents. Nobody is ever pregnant hoping for the baby to be autistic or blind or disabled in any way. When you talk to therapists or doctors about your son, always keep in mind that they can see past the hope of a parent and only judge the child they see. If you still disagree, get a second opinion or ask them to explain why they think that he could be autistic despite the progress and behavior that you see at home., I don't have advice for OP, but will also throw in that both my kids are different levels of autism. The level 1 had literally 0 signs of it until between 3 and 4. The level 2 had delayed gross motor and speech and still struggles with speech now (even after Early Intervention). His behaviors are more classic of autism, but again, didn't really show up until 3-4, Yes.. and no… so- our daughter was diagnosed with mild autism shortly after 2, she had a slight speech delay but socially was inconsistent. She’s also got some big motor planning struggles and a touch of hypotonia. She didn’t and doesn’t really stim (noticeably). She also doesn’t do things like line up toys or flap her arms. For her “repetitive play” looks like her playing the same way with a toy every time. Like, her pot? She will either pretend to stir it or pretend to make you drink from it. She does the same with cups. She doesn’t differ from these patterns of play. That is how we modeled playing with them and that’s what she does. Most NT kids do not have to be taught to play. I’ve heard differing things from professionals/people, that they disagree with the diagnosis. They think she’s just got some SPD that gets in her way. I don’t think it really matters at this point if she really does have autism or not, because she clearly needs speech, PT, and OT and if a diagnosis of autism protects our access to these therapies, I’m good with it., So. I struggled with a similar feeling when I had my 9 year old diagnosed with autism. Even now, I wonder it is isn’t severe adhd combined with early trauma from his brothers anger issues (that we worked hard to get solved). Here is the bottom line: What is the harm in a diagnosis? Where is the harm in early intervention and extra support? Extra therapies and more eyes on the child plus early intervention mean less struggle down the road in my experience. I’ve gone from a 9 year old 3rd grader who struggled in school and with friends to a 12/almost 13 year old 7th grader that needs almost no support and transitioned seamlessly to middle school (much to my great joy)., I would get the additional evaluation (here they prefer them from someone more than even a developmental pediatrician) - as well as do the early intervention assessment. Early intervention won’t see your child if they don’t need it. They’re also going to be able to spot behaviors that you may not because that’s what their entire job is. Whats the possible drawback? At a minimum, you’ll likely receive extra in home speech for free or low cost! But at 21 months, my son showed no signs of sensory or behavioral concerns. He only had a speech delay - our original pediatrician didn’t even think speech therapy was needed. He did not line things up (then), or have obsessive interests anymore than any other toddler. He was complimented on for his behavior and friendliness. Around 24 months, he hit a food regression. Around age 4, we requested an autism assessment. We got it at 6. I got my autism and diagnosis the year later. Information the earlier the better is good., My husband and most of our families disagreed when autism was first brought up because our son doesn’t have the same things you mention such as repetitive play or sensory aversions. In fact our son started reading at age 2 and I later discovered during evaluations that this is called hyperlexia and is actually more common with autism. Everyone told me but he’s so smart he can’t be autistic and here’s the thing….autism doesn’t mean someone isn’t smart, it means they think differently and might need accommodations. Heck sometimes they are still social and do imaginary play. I didn’t push for evaluation at 2 and I should have and regret that, I did however get him in therapies where he needed help. At age 4 I got him evaluated and in the special needs program at school, he has thrived and then I took it further and got his official diagnosis so we could get better coverage through insurance. This long story is to tell you that while I didn’t fully know at age 2 that he was the professionals sure did and it became very obvious to me as he got older. It’s a spectrum and it looks different for everyone., Both mine and my wife's parents, My advice? Don't ever overlook a "bad diagnosis" just because you believe the dr is wrong. Those of us who have been in your shoes understand how you feel, believe me. But the best you can do is to make sure your kid gets evaluated and if possible certificated with disability (to make the most out of every possible help you can get from the government), even if the diagnostic change when they grow older. You don't lose anything by accepting it and then finding out Drs were wrong, but believe me when I say you (and your kid) will lose a lot if you, out of a hunch, decide the dr is wrong and then find out they were right., We were told global developmental delays at 2. Then everyone just assumed from 2.5 on that he has ASD. He's in elementary now and my husband and I are more and more convinced it's a legit profound language disorder on top of gnarly ADHD. both my husband and I have ADHD. A few years ago we went to a well respected speech pathologist who has spent her career with kids and watching their development and without our input she told us she believed it's MERLD and inattentive ADHD and that fits him better than anything. We did speech and ot from age 2-7 and then I decided he needed a childhood. Stopping therapy at that age hasn't changed his skill development. He's on/above grade level for math, social studies, science, and just under in reading. He's understanding phonics which the teacher says is not the norm in her asd classroom. People just talk about his autism and we don't argue as long as they are approaching him as an individual., Same. At that age, this post could have described my son. But the older he got, the more apparent it was., What did she mean by “immature play”? I’ve never heard that before, I don't agree with you. I think it's highly harmful if a child gets any diagnosis which isn't correct, because finding out your child has a disability is traumatizing. And also while therapies don't hurt and are mostly like playing with the kid it would be an unnecessary load to the family if their child wouldn't need it. So I would ask for a standard evaliation like ados and wait for the results. Btw 40 words by 21 months is not delayed., Op should also be happy the dr is advocating. So many Drs will let autism go undiagnosed because they believe the same way, When I had my neurotypical daughter I was blown away by how she would make all the toys *characters* and they would have little conversations. I didn't realise this was how kids were "supposed" to play. We also totally missed all the signs, not diagnosed until 7., I want to add that I didn’t believe my son had autism either. It might be mild so he won’t show the classic signs., This was our now 4.5yo, just before 2yo we had him evaluated for speech delay. One company said he could use some speech therapy, the other said he was okay and did not need therapy. By 3yo he was struggling with what we now have been told is pragmatic language, basically the use of communication in social situations, which has caused him to have aggressive outbursts in school by the time he was 4yo. He was a semi-late walker at 14.5mo with a slightly weaker side but “average” is up to 18mo (our younger son walked by 12mo). Now at 4.5 as part of the developmental workup he was seen by OT and has been found with mild bilateral coronation delay. He meets criteria for ASD level 1 now having shown more struggles and distress in school but idk if he would have received the ASD dx at even 24mo if we specifically asked back then because he’s almost borderline in my understanding. Like he can mask well but now that more is expected of him at 4.5, soon to be kindergarten, I really wish we took the mild speech delay and slight one sided weakness when learning to walk more seriously. Maybe we could have had earlier intervention so he wouldn’t be struggling now. I still feel we got him diagnosed early compared to some, but I’d say there is no harm in piling on the support early on if available!, We believe she meant that the way my son played with the toys during the evaluation was at a lower age level than 21 months. She noticed that he inspected the toy animals, and that he grasped other objects with three fingers instead of with a pincher grasp., Hence why I also said I recommend getting the in depth evaluation. My son didn’t have a lot of “classic behaviors” at that age. Unfortunately they developed as he got older. I’m trying to ease OPs fears a little. Going by their own post it doesn’t sound like their child has high support needs. But even then an in depth eval will give the best answers and even if the diagnosis doesn’t come back with autism, only a recommendation for early intervention they should take it. Those can by done by the school district, for us that meant we’d have someone come to our home regularly for in home therapy and my kids got into preschool a year early so they’d have extra time to learn and grow and socialize. And they have a weekly speech and occupational therapist see them at school. It’d be more harmful refusing to do your due diligence, ignoring a doctors warnings, getting evaluation or intervention and allowing your child to struggle., I don’t know who this person is up above saying 40 words is not delayed “Yes it is” and in my youngest son’s early intervention testing they asked me to circle how many words he was saying and he was hitting 50. It is not harmful for you OP to get a third evaluation and even do ados testing with a neurologist and another assessment from a neuropsychologist- that is what I did with my oldest. Best wishes to you in your journey, I relate to this hard. I thought nothing of the fact that my kid's play essentially revolved around taking stuff apart, pattern construction, learning factoids, and physics experimentation (i.e. seeing which structures held up under which circumstances). Probably has something to do with why they're getting their master's in an engineering field 😅 I also now realize that when they picked up pretend play in elementary school, they were just really good at copying other kids and very artistic, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary., 😅 I have an older son who is NT or at least never been diagnosed with anything, he didn't really play with toys normally either until 3 and even then it was the older kids in the neighborhood playing with him more than him playing. He just happily held his toy and hung out with them. Playing with toys on his own he would just line them up or move around the action figures arms, twist heads, remove pieces 😅 . He still lines up his collections at 12, says he likes to display them. If he's ND, he's so mildly so that it hasn't caused him any issues that anyone is aware of, most easy going kid ever. But having 1 quirky kid, and then my ASD son, I still have trouble distinguishing "normal" unless seeing kids around my youngest like the field trip we went on to the pumpkin patch with the gen ed kinder class., It could *could* point towards autism. We don’t know what your kids doctor observed and what she meant. Does he make up characters/little stories while playing with toys/characters from a show he knows? Does he drive cars around the house or just spins wheels? Does he use a Lion toy and pretends it walks around the floor and hunts? Even if it’s nothing. Therapy can help with his fine motor skills (you mentioned he doesn’t do the pincer grasp yet/all the time). And his understanding of the world. Since at this age they basically only play. Therapy is playing. My boys really enjoy it.

Has anyone ever made an info sheet to introduce their child to local police stations?

I know a lot of cities have registries, but that isn’t enough. Is this a thing that people do? Taking the young man to meet the police is not an option as the parent does not want them to view interacting with the police as a good thing or to see police officers as safe or helpful. Handing a card over during interactions is also not realistic. Has anyone ever introduced their child to local police without their child being involved? Any tips?

I took those registry forms with a pic, and an additional paper I wrote with extra info to the police station by hand without my child present. I just handed them to the officer at the front desk. I’m assuming they were scanned into the relevant system from there., I took those registry forms with a pic, and an additional paper I wrote with extra info to the police station by hand without my child present. I just handed them to the officer at the front desk. I’m assuming they were scanned into the relevant system from there., I took those registry forms with a pic, and an additional paper I wrote with extra info to the police station by hand without my child present. I just handed them to the officer at the front desk. I’m assuming they were scanned into the relevant system from there., I took those registry forms with a pic, and an additional paper I wrote with extra info to the police station by hand without my child present. I just handed them to the officer at the front desk. I’m assuming they were scanned into the relevant system from there.

Has anyone ever revoked consent for special ed services?

I know my kid needs a lot of support at school- I’m not in denial about that. He’s already in special Ed, speech and OT. However we are in strong disagreement with his school about moving him to a much more restrictive setting- we think it’s too soon and we don’t want him to be in a class with non-verbal or minimally verbal kids the entire day- yes he is minimally verbal, and I don’t see how it benefits any non-verbal kid to spend the entire day not hearing anyone speak other than the teacher. I also fear that if he were neglected or mistreated, none of the other kids could “blow the whistle” on the situation because they can’t communicate either. I’m also worried about possible aggressive behaviors in this more severe class, my son is as tiny as a feather. On the academic side, I guess I don’t see how he will do better in a class where the teacher is more stressed out and stretched more thin due to the higher needs of the students (the student teacher ratio is not guaranteed to be any better in this other class). So yes, it’s very NOT ideal for him to go to a gen ed class with no support— I know they don’t have to make sure he’s educated and they can suspend him for behavior- but I feel it’s possibly preferable to the alternative at this time and wondering if anyone has done this. Thanks!!

It sounds like there may be more info required here. Generally, smaller classes have a higher teacher ratio, and wouldn’t be suggested unless the class they were in was struggling to meet their needs. I understand the desire for positive peer examples, but there are many reasons a child may be in a higher support needs class. A positive thing about higher support classes is a more pragmatic approach to lessons, more sensory / physical breaks, less expectation to sit still for extended sessions. It could be worth visiting the setting they are recommending, speaking to the teacher and witnessing the environment. I’m coming into this with bias, though, as my 4.5yo son is non-verbal but with no behavioral issues in class, Can he tolerate the gen ed classroom? Are there behavior problems?, I am not sure where you live but I am in the USA and here you can disagree with a placement determination by checking the appropriate box on the NOREP (Notice of Recommended Educational Placement). That gives your kid a "stay" until you can go to a due process hearing where you will be able to argue your position. They won't be moved until that hearing has resulted in a determination. I do not think it is wise for you to place your child in a general ed placement with no support. If you are worried about abuse, rest assured there is a good chance that your child will absolutely suffer from being placed in an environment that can not support their needs at all. You also have limited rights to put your son in general ed because if your child's needs would cause a disruption of learning to the other students and the district can prove that, you will not be able to do that. I am not sure why the school wants to move your boy, but if behavior is a concern, you can request a one-on-one aide (or Personal Care Assistant- PCA) before they try to move him. I think that is a reasonable next step before you uproot a child from an environment they are adjusted to. My son attended school in a specialized setting (K-21 all kids with IEPs). He is non verbal and makes progress very slowly BUT there were kids in his classrooms that were way ahead of him and were verbal. A lot of kiddos there go on to have jobs. Not in the cards for my boy but "more restrictive" does not mean ONLY non verbal students. The teachers, for the most part, were better equipped to help my guy and the best part is that in that building, he was fully accepted and included by everyone - staff and students., Yes. My son was 7 at the time when they they amended the IEP and recommended he be moved to a mod severe program. He is non verbal and needs assistance (hand over hand) with writing as he just doesn’t like to do it. My request was heard as a behavioral problem. I refused the recommendation and did not sign that part of the IEP, there are other services that I was ok with such as speech and OT continuing. I did move him to a new school after researching on my own and finding out that there is an autism focused mild mod program in our district that has additional paras who can assist my son. Why they didn’t push for this is beyond me., I think you need to make sure what you’re asking for and asking of your kiddo is reasonable. Do you have reason to believe that he would be mistreated in a special education classroom or that the teachers are more stressed out? Does a general education teacher have the ability to give your child the attention they need while attending appropriately to the rest of the kids in the class? General education teachers are not special education teachers so I would keep that in mind. Is it possible that he needs modifications that would be harder to provide in general Ed? How about his level of comfort? Would your child have a 1:1 aid in a general education setting? If not, can they do without one? Age is a big factor here too. Special education curriculum doesn’t differ as much between general education for 5 year olds but might be significantly different when it comes to middle school. I absolutely would not pull services for him, but unless you think the school is really not acting in good faith, I would consider why they’re making this recommendation. I always wanted my daughter in general education as much as possible too. You just also want to make sure they can be properly supported., As a non attorney special education advocate, I would strongly advise against pulling him out of services. He has a right to the least restrictive environment, so if he isn't doing well where he is, the answer should be to review the IEP and his services and see what needs to be modified there. He shouldn't be moved to a more segregated space before all other options have been exhausted., I can see what you mean. They actually put my son in the classroom with kids who are more verbal and they are all a couple years or so older than him. They think that being around the kids who are more structured will help since he picks up on routines quickly and tends to mock what other kids do. I could see how sticking your kid in a group of kids who don’t speak as much or follow routine as much may be a concern, if your child is like mine. It could throw progress backwards for sure., its my understanding that schools need to provide the "least restrictive" learning environment. so ask what other options they have between gen ed and this spec ed class. maybe he could be in a gen ed with a para, or another spec ed class that is "higher functioning", or attend pull out therapies/small groups during the day. my son moved schools to attend an EBC (emotion/ behavior class) spec ed class. it was great! 1 teacher, 2 paras, and only 10 students. but we had to ask/push to even know this option existed, it wasnt readily offered from our IEP team., Revoking consent is probably not the way to go but you definitely can fight the offered FAPE or go to due process, All of your concerns would be my exact concerns. Sorry no advice. I would also expect video access in a more isolated environment. The school can make recommendations but ultimately you are the one that decides his education and care. Wishing you guys all the best., Hi actual_coconut_4712 As an inclusive education consultant with over 20 years of experience, I understand the challenges and importance of advocating for inclusive education for children with disabilities. I want to commend you for your efforts in fighting for your son's right to be included in the general education setting. When advocating for inclusive placements, it's essential to come prepared with evidence supporting the benefits of inclusion. Research has consistently shown that students with a wide range of disabilities can thrive academically and socially when provided with appropriate supports and accommodations in the general education classroom. For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom. Another review by Hudson, Browder, and Wood (2013) identified that 44 students with moderate to severe disabilities successfully learned academic content in inclusive classrooms, particularly when provided with embedded trial instruction and constant time delay prompting. Moreover, a large-scale study by Ruijs, Van der Veen, and Peetsma (2010) involving 27,745 students without special educational needs found no significant difference in academic outcomes between those in classrooms with and without inclusion. This evidence suggests that the presence of students with disabilities does not negatively impact the academic achievement of their peers without disabilities. In addition to academic benefits, inclusive education promotes social growth for all students. A systematic review by Brock and Carter (2013) demonstrated that with the assistance of trained paraeducators, students with intellectual and developmental disabilities improved their social interactions and decreased problem behaviors in inclusive classrooms and on the playground. As you continue to advocate for your son's inclusion, remember that current research for students with disabilities is on your side and you can use this information to help advocate for your son. If you would like any further support or guidance in your advocacy efforts, please feel free to reach out. I'm happy to share more research, strategies, or connect you with additional resources., Totally agree. A smaller class, with work appropriate to their level where they can be successful and their stress is managed is better I think. How much can a child learn if they’re overwhelmed and anxious?, Thank you. His current class has 7 students, it is a special ed class, the proposed class is also special ed just for more severely disabled kids and is not guaranteed to be smaller, in fact it could be larger it just depends on enrollment. Our position is if he can’t make any progress where he is (already in special ed) why would he make progress in a more severe class?, Thank you, he was in “gen ed” private preschool and did pretty well with the stuff they taught, loved school, no serious behavior issues. He has always had massive issues with inattention, that’s been the main barrier that makes it hard to teach him. We provided a 1:1 support for him there. If he’s in gen ed with no support I’m sure he won’t learn anything but he’s not learning anything now in special ed anyway. He started the year doing ok with behavior but his behavior has been getting increasingly worse., My daughter is in a specialized high school now after having spent most of her life in standard public school settings. It’s the same as what you’re describing. It was the first time we experienced feeling “normal” at school. It is absolutely the best part. She was even voted homecoming queen one year., Thank you, I do live in the US. We actually have recently started working with an attorney, who feels that the school is being unreasonable and not giving him the support he needs to succeed where he is, but she also said after the meeting we just had, that it’s going to be a real uphill battle because they don’t want to budge. She told us that due process would be expensive, and there’s no guarantee of any particular outcome so that’s scary., I have read numerous stories including some in my county of schools getting busted for stuff like sticking a nonverbal kid in front of a tablet all day or restraining them inappropriately. Worst case scenario- sexual abuse? Disabled kids are far more likely to be victims of SA, probably partly because many can’t say anything about it. If all the kids are non verbal, there’s no way to know what’s really going on in there, you have to entirely trust the teacher and I don’t see how you can know they’re trustworthy. I don’t expect him to make progress in general education. He’s already in a small special ed class and not making progress, and they say he’s incapable of things he could do in preschool and can do now, so I don’t trust that a more severe class that may even be larger than his current class would suddenly cause him to flourish and show what he can do. So until we figure out what to do next I feel like our best course of action is to let him do nothing in a safer environment., We have been asking for a 1:1 practically all year because it’s what worked for him in preschool, she kept him regulated so his behaviors were minimal and she helped him stay on task and progress. They basically trialed a 1:1 for a week or so and said they didn’t see a difference and that was that. Now his behaviors are increasing and his academics are abysmal and they want to move him., We were told by the attorney we hired that due process is quite expensive (attorney fees and other costs like hiring a specialist to speak about your child) and there’s no guaranteed outcome, so she’s cautious about recommending it., Just wondering, what is video access?, Wow these are amazing resources, thank you!! I have sometimes tried to find if studies have been done on this sort of thing and couldn’t really find anything so this is so incredibly helpful. I feel like the son I’m talking about in this post is an obvious fit for full inclusion with some supports, but now these studies you’ve shared make me wonder about my other son who has more significant needs— if a more inclusive setting might be better for him. Right now I think he does need to be in separate special ed class which he already is in, he only experiences inclusion for a short portion of the day. They’re pushing for a more restrictive placement that would have even less inclusion. I’ll have to look at your studies and see if the kids in the study were similar to my other son in level of disability or not. Thank you again!, "For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom." No, they didn't. Hunt, et al. looked at the different components of literacy that special education teachers used in the co-taught classroom. The study did not report on the students' progress, so this study does not support the idea that children with moderate-severe needs made progress in the co-taught classroom. They did not provide data on how the students did in the classroom. Brock and Carter (2013) found that paras and teachers who are taught to use performance feedback and modeling have had positive impacts on individuals who have disabilities. The abstract does not state the environment/conditions in which the student received these strategies. I feel like you're overgeneralizing the effects that these studies found. I haven't found the other studies yet. I can only find the abstracts, which makes it difficult to determine the true results and quality of the studies., I would ask what they think will be achieved in this other classroom. I’d also ask for the data that shows the current placement isn’t LRE., Oh, that’s not what I’d envisioned from your post. An 8 is pretty intimate, and if focus is the issue I agree that transitioning to a ‘higher support needs’ class of the same size or bigger doesn’t sound like a proper solution. I can back up the ‘right of refusal’ if you’re in the USA. Have you looked into any state-approved private schools? If your district cannot provide a ‘Free Appropriate Public Education’, you can angle for a private placement. In New York there are a lot of options, with niche angles. Maybe one might resonate with how you see your son’s learning process, I’m just giving you something to consider in an attempt to share my experience from the nearly 20 years I’ve been doing this with my kid. It’s perspective from a stranger on the internet, ultimately you have to do what you think is best for your child. Certainly being disabled creates opportunity for abuse. I have a daughter that is nonverbal. Women are much more likely to be targeted for abuse than men. She’s very vulnerable and I take her safety seriously. So I understand where you’re coming from. Perhaps a 1:1 would be an appropriate ask to address your concerns. It’s far less likely that two adults hide abuse than one. Or perhaps you’re able to get services at your home where you can supervise. The education system can be quite frustrating at times, but my daughter has made so much progress and I know so much of that was due to getting services early and consistently. I would hate to see anyone pass that up if they didn’t have to. Best of luck to you., Remind them about LRE and that a one week trial is not long enough to get enough data to prove he wasn't helped. Schools love data, but hate having it flipped on them to show drastic changes are not justified. If they can't show it, they can't do it. It doesn't matter if you already let it go before, ask them to revisit it to see if it helps him get FAPE. What state are you in? I probably can refer you to an advocate if you want one., Video available to see remotely. Some daycare/schools have them. I strongly believe vulnerable children need that extra safety net since some are non-verbal, I work with kids who have extensive support needs. Half of the kids in the 80 person study were nonverbal., I co authored the hunt study. Pretty sure the assessment I designed showed progress over the five waves of testing. You don’t know what you’re talking about., He made good progress in preschool, he makes good progress in OT at school but close to zero progress in his classroom so they do have the data to back up moving him to a more severe class and probably data to bump him down even further if there is such a thing., Thank you- we’ve been asking for a 1:1 all along but it’s very difficult to get approval, because really almost all kids in special ed would benefit from 1:1 and they don’t have the funds for that., Thank you!! We actually had a great advocate who suggested we get a lawyer due to how insanely difficult the school was being. We took a lawyer to our recent meeting and she was optimistic going in and not so optimistic after. :(, You mean, free access for parents? Or for admin to look into the rooms?, I understand your concerns re. Sexual abuse. However, a few things to keep in mind— you aren’t trusting ‘just one teacher’. You are trusting all the teachers. There will be all sorts of aids and paras around. So there are natural checks and balances. And the truth is a lot of verbal, neurotypical kids never say a word about their abuse. A very valid question to administrators might be: “how do you mitigate the risk of sexual abuse at this school?” What makes you think your child is ‘safer’ at the current school? Could any of that be replicated at the new school? I am very concerned about your son not making progress in his current setting. All children should be making progress, even if it is very small. I would be curious if there are techniques or methods that can be used at the ‘new school’ that aren’t available at his current school. Continuing on in a setting that isn’t benefiting your child isn’t a great plan. I would really approach the school with curiosity and try to understand why they are recommending it. I would ask if you can go and observe the class. I would reach out to other parents who have kids attending it and get some info from them. Learn more. Be curious. Come at it assuming best intent of the school (hard, I know!). If you really, really try to investigate it optimistically and decide it’s not for your kid, that’s cool. But I’ve found things I’ve thought would be awful and I was really scared of sometimes ended up being a great option., This made me chuckle. Do we live in the same district because it sounds like one of mine..., Yes for both. There’s always two sides to every story. One side can’t talk. Video can help clarify what occurs in the classrooms. It can protect both the teachers and students., Sounds like one of the schools in your district?, I'm all for admin access. I'm hesitant on free access for parents. There are some weird people out there and I'd feel weird with others being able to keep recordings of children. I think parents should be able to request a viewing though., Yes, there are some schools where I live that are absolutely stubborn., It sounds like there may be more info required here. Generally, smaller classes have a higher teacher ratio, and wouldn’t be suggested unless the class they were in was struggling to meet their needs. I understand the desire for positive peer examples, but there are many reasons a child may be in a higher support needs class. A positive thing about higher support classes is a more pragmatic approach to lessons, more sensory / physical breaks, less expectation to sit still for extended sessions. It could be worth visiting the setting they are recommending, speaking to the teacher and witnessing the environment. I’m coming into this with bias, though, as my 4.5yo son is non-verbal but with no behavioral issues in class, Can he tolerate the gen ed classroom? Are there behavior problems?, I am not sure where you live but I am in the USA and here you can disagree with a placement determination by checking the appropriate box on the NOREP (Notice of Recommended Educational Placement). That gives your kid a "stay" until you can go to a due process hearing where you will be able to argue your position. They won't be moved until that hearing has resulted in a determination. I do not think it is wise for you to place your child in a general ed placement with no support. If you are worried about abuse, rest assured there is a good chance that your child will absolutely suffer from being placed in an environment that can not support their needs at all. You also have limited rights to put your son in general ed because if your child's needs would cause a disruption of learning to the other students and the district can prove that, you will not be able to do that. I am not sure why the school wants to move your boy, but if behavior is a concern, you can request a one-on-one aide (or Personal Care Assistant- PCA) before they try to move him. I think that is a reasonable next step before you uproot a child from an environment they are adjusted to. My son attended school in a specialized setting (K-21 all kids with IEPs). He is non verbal and makes progress very slowly BUT there were kids in his classrooms that were way ahead of him and were verbal. A lot of kiddos there go on to have jobs. Not in the cards for my boy but "more restrictive" does not mean ONLY non verbal students. The teachers, for the most part, were better equipped to help my guy and the best part is that in that building, he was fully accepted and included by everyone - staff and students., Yes. My son was 7 at the time when they they amended the IEP and recommended he be moved to a mod severe program. He is non verbal and needs assistance (hand over hand) with writing as he just doesn’t like to do it. My request was heard as a behavioral problem. I refused the recommendation and did not sign that part of the IEP, there are other services that I was ok with such as speech and OT continuing. I did move him to a new school after researching on my own and finding out that there is an autism focused mild mod program in our district that has additional paras who can assist my son. Why they didn’t push for this is beyond me., I think you need to make sure what you’re asking for and asking of your kiddo is reasonable. Do you have reason to believe that he would be mistreated in a special education classroom or that the teachers are more stressed out? Does a general education teacher have the ability to give your child the attention they need while attending appropriately to the rest of the kids in the class? General education teachers are not special education teachers so I would keep that in mind. Is it possible that he needs modifications that would be harder to provide in general Ed? How about his level of comfort? Would your child have a 1:1 aid in a general education setting? If not, can they do without one? Age is a big factor here too. Special education curriculum doesn’t differ as much between general education for 5 year olds but might be significantly different when it comes to middle school. I absolutely would not pull services for him, but unless you think the school is really not acting in good faith, I would consider why they’re making this recommendation. I always wanted my daughter in general education as much as possible too. You just also want to make sure they can be properly supported., As a non attorney special education advocate, I would strongly advise against pulling him out of services. He has a right to the least restrictive environment, so if he isn't doing well where he is, the answer should be to review the IEP and his services and see what needs to be modified there. He shouldn't be moved to a more segregated space before all other options have been exhausted., I can see what you mean. They actually put my son in the classroom with kids who are more verbal and they are all a couple years or so older than him. They think that being around the kids who are more structured will help since he picks up on routines quickly and tends to mock what other kids do. I could see how sticking your kid in a group of kids who don’t speak as much or follow routine as much may be a concern, if your child is like mine. It could throw progress backwards for sure., its my understanding that schools need to provide the "least restrictive" learning environment. so ask what other options they have between gen ed and this spec ed class. maybe he could be in a gen ed with a para, or another spec ed class that is "higher functioning", or attend pull out therapies/small groups during the day. my son moved schools to attend an EBC (emotion/ behavior class) spec ed class. it was great! 1 teacher, 2 paras, and only 10 students. but we had to ask/push to even know this option existed, it wasnt readily offered from our IEP team., Revoking consent is probably not the way to go but you definitely can fight the offered FAPE or go to due process, All of your concerns would be my exact concerns. Sorry no advice. I would also expect video access in a more isolated environment. The school can make recommendations but ultimately you are the one that decides his education and care. Wishing you guys all the best., Hi actual_coconut_4712 As an inclusive education consultant with over 20 years of experience, I understand the challenges and importance of advocating for inclusive education for children with disabilities. I want to commend you for your efforts in fighting for your son's right to be included in the general education setting. When advocating for inclusive placements, it's essential to come prepared with evidence supporting the benefits of inclusion. Research has consistently shown that students with a wide range of disabilities can thrive academically and socially when provided with appropriate supports and accommodations in the general education classroom. For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom. Another review by Hudson, Browder, and Wood (2013) identified that 44 students with moderate to severe disabilities successfully learned academic content in inclusive classrooms, particularly when provided with embedded trial instruction and constant time delay prompting. Moreover, a large-scale study by Ruijs, Van der Veen, and Peetsma (2010) involving 27,745 students without special educational needs found no significant difference in academic outcomes between those in classrooms with and without inclusion. This evidence suggests that the presence of students with disabilities does not negatively impact the academic achievement of their peers without disabilities. In addition to academic benefits, inclusive education promotes social growth for all students. A systematic review by Brock and Carter (2013) demonstrated that with the assistance of trained paraeducators, students with intellectual and developmental disabilities improved their social interactions and decreased problem behaviors in inclusive classrooms and on the playground. As you continue to advocate for your son's inclusion, remember that current research for students with disabilities is on your side and you can use this information to help advocate for your son. If you would like any further support or guidance in your advocacy efforts, please feel free to reach out. I'm happy to share more research, strategies, or connect you with additional resources., Totally agree. A smaller class, with work appropriate to their level where they can be successful and their stress is managed is better I think. How much can a child learn if they’re overwhelmed and anxious?, Thank you. His current class has 7 students, it is a special ed class, the proposed class is also special ed just for more severely disabled kids and is not guaranteed to be smaller, in fact it could be larger it just depends on enrollment. Our position is if he can’t make any progress where he is (already in special ed) why would he make progress in a more severe class?, Thank you, he was in “gen ed” private preschool and did pretty well with the stuff they taught, loved school, no serious behavior issues. He has always had massive issues with inattention, that’s been the main barrier that makes it hard to teach him. We provided a 1:1 support for him there. If he’s in gen ed with no support I’m sure he won’t learn anything but he’s not learning anything now in special ed anyway. He started the year doing ok with behavior but his behavior has been getting increasingly worse., My daughter is in a specialized high school now after having spent most of her life in standard public school settings. It’s the same as what you’re describing. It was the first time we experienced feeling “normal” at school. It is absolutely the best part. She was even voted homecoming queen one year., Thank you, I do live in the US. We actually have recently started working with an attorney, who feels that the school is being unreasonable and not giving him the support he needs to succeed where he is, but she also said after the meeting we just had, that it’s going to be a real uphill battle because they don’t want to budge. She told us that due process would be expensive, and there’s no guarantee of any particular outcome so that’s scary., I have read numerous stories including some in my county of schools getting busted for stuff like sticking a nonverbal kid in front of a tablet all day or restraining them inappropriately. Worst case scenario- sexual abuse? Disabled kids are far more likely to be victims of SA, probably partly because many can’t say anything about it. If all the kids are non verbal, there’s no way to know what’s really going on in there, you have to entirely trust the teacher and I don’t see how you can know they’re trustworthy. I don’t expect him to make progress in general education. He’s already in a small special ed class and not making progress, and they say he’s incapable of things he could do in preschool and can do now, so I don’t trust that a more severe class that may even be larger than his current class would suddenly cause him to flourish and show what he can do. So until we figure out what to do next I feel like our best course of action is to let him do nothing in a safer environment., We have been asking for a 1:1 practically all year because it’s what worked for him in preschool, she kept him regulated so his behaviors were minimal and she helped him stay on task and progress. They basically trialed a 1:1 for a week or so and said they didn’t see a difference and that was that. Now his behaviors are increasing and his academics are abysmal and they want to move him., We were told by the attorney we hired that due process is quite expensive (attorney fees and other costs like hiring a specialist to speak about your child) and there’s no guaranteed outcome, so she’s cautious about recommending it., Just wondering, what is video access?, Wow these are amazing resources, thank you!! I have sometimes tried to find if studies have been done on this sort of thing and couldn’t really find anything so this is so incredibly helpful. I feel like the son I’m talking about in this post is an obvious fit for full inclusion with some supports, but now these studies you’ve shared make me wonder about my other son who has more significant needs— if a more inclusive setting might be better for him. Right now I think he does need to be in separate special ed class which he already is in, he only experiences inclusion for a short portion of the day. They’re pushing for a more restrictive placement that would have even less inclusion. I’ll have to look at your studies and see if the kids in the study were similar to my other son in level of disability or not. Thank you again!, "For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom." No, they didn't. Hunt, et al. looked at the different components of literacy that special education teachers used in the co-taught classroom. The study did not report on the students' progress, so this study does not support the idea that children with moderate-severe needs made progress in the co-taught classroom. They did not provide data on how the students did in the classroom. Brock and Carter (2013) found that paras and teachers who are taught to use performance feedback and modeling have had positive impacts on individuals who have disabilities. The abstract does not state the environment/conditions in which the student received these strategies. I feel like you're overgeneralizing the effects that these studies found. I haven't found the other studies yet. I can only find the abstracts, which makes it difficult to determine the true results and quality of the studies., I would ask what they think will be achieved in this other classroom. I’d also ask for the data that shows the current placement isn’t LRE., Oh, that’s not what I’d envisioned from your post. An 8 is pretty intimate, and if focus is the issue I agree that transitioning to a ‘higher support needs’ class of the same size or bigger doesn’t sound like a proper solution. I can back up the ‘right of refusal’ if you’re in the USA. Have you looked into any state-approved private schools? If your district cannot provide a ‘Free Appropriate Public Education’, you can angle for a private placement. In New York there are a lot of options, with niche angles. Maybe one might resonate with how you see your son’s learning process, I’m just giving you something to consider in an attempt to share my experience from the nearly 20 years I’ve been doing this with my kid. It’s perspective from a stranger on the internet, ultimately you have to do what you think is best for your child. Certainly being disabled creates opportunity for abuse. I have a daughter that is nonverbal. Women are much more likely to be targeted for abuse than men. She’s very vulnerable and I take her safety seriously. So I understand where you’re coming from. Perhaps a 1:1 would be an appropriate ask to address your concerns. It’s far less likely that two adults hide abuse than one. Or perhaps you’re able to get services at your home where you can supervise. The education system can be quite frustrating at times, but my daughter has made so much progress and I know so much of that was due to getting services early and consistently. I would hate to see anyone pass that up if they didn’t have to. Best of luck to you., Remind them about LRE and that a one week trial is not long enough to get enough data to prove he wasn't helped. Schools love data, but hate having it flipped on them to show drastic changes are not justified. If they can't show it, they can't do it. It doesn't matter if you already let it go before, ask them to revisit it to see if it helps him get FAPE. What state are you in? I probably can refer you to an advocate if you want one., Video available to see remotely. Some daycare/schools have them. I strongly believe vulnerable children need that extra safety net since some are non-verbal, I work with kids who have extensive support needs. Half of the kids in the 80 person study were nonverbal., I co authored the hunt study. Pretty sure the assessment I designed showed progress over the five waves of testing. You don’t know what you’re talking about., He made good progress in preschool, he makes good progress in OT at school but close to zero progress in his classroom so they do have the data to back up moving him to a more severe class and probably data to bump him down even further if there is such a thing., Thank you- we’ve been asking for a 1:1 all along but it’s very difficult to get approval, because really almost all kids in special ed would benefit from 1:1 and they don’t have the funds for that., Thank you!! We actually had a great advocate who suggested we get a lawyer due to how insanely difficult the school was being. We took a lawyer to our recent meeting and she was optimistic going in and not so optimistic after. :(, You mean, free access for parents? Or for admin to look into the rooms?, I understand your concerns re. Sexual abuse. However, a few things to keep in mind— you aren’t trusting ‘just one teacher’. You are trusting all the teachers. There will be all sorts of aids and paras around. So there are natural checks and balances. And the truth is a lot of verbal, neurotypical kids never say a word about their abuse. A very valid question to administrators might be: “how do you mitigate the risk of sexual abuse at this school?” What makes you think your child is ‘safer’ at the current school? Could any of that be replicated at the new school? I am very concerned about your son not making progress in his current setting. All children should be making progress, even if it is very small. I would be curious if there are techniques or methods that can be used at the ‘new school’ that aren’t available at his current school. Continuing on in a setting that isn’t benefiting your child isn’t a great plan. I would really approach the school with curiosity and try to understand why they are recommending it. I would ask if you can go and observe the class. I would reach out to other parents who have kids attending it and get some info from them. Learn more. Be curious. Come at it assuming best intent of the school (hard, I know!). If you really, really try to investigate it optimistically and decide it’s not for your kid, that’s cool. But I’ve found things I’ve thought would be awful and I was really scared of sometimes ended up being a great option., This made me chuckle. Do we live in the same district because it sounds like one of mine..., Yes for both. There’s always two sides to every story. One side can’t talk. Video can help clarify what occurs in the classrooms. It can protect both the teachers and students., Sounds like one of the schools in your district?, I'm all for admin access. I'm hesitant on free access for parents. There are some weird people out there and I'd feel weird with others being able to keep recordings of children. I think parents should be able to request a viewing though., Yes, there are some schools where I live that are absolutely stubborn., It sounds like there may be more info required here. Generally, smaller classes have a higher teacher ratio, and wouldn’t be suggested unless the class they were in was struggling to meet their needs. I understand the desire for positive peer examples, but there are many reasons a child may be in a higher support needs class. A positive thing about higher support classes is a more pragmatic approach to lessons, more sensory / physical breaks, less expectation to sit still for extended sessions. It could be worth visiting the setting they are recommending, speaking to the teacher and witnessing the environment. I’m coming into this with bias, though, as my 4.5yo son is non-verbal but with no behavioral issues in class, Can he tolerate the gen ed classroom? Are there behavior problems?, I am not sure where you live but I am in the USA and here you can disagree with a placement determination by checking the appropriate box on the NOREP (Notice of Recommended Educational Placement). That gives your kid a "stay" until you can go to a due process hearing where you will be able to argue your position. They won't be moved until that hearing has resulted in a determination. I do not think it is wise for you to place your child in a general ed placement with no support. If you are worried about abuse, rest assured there is a good chance that your child will absolutely suffer from being placed in an environment that can not support their needs at all. You also have limited rights to put your son in general ed because if your child's needs would cause a disruption of learning to the other students and the district can prove that, you will not be able to do that. I am not sure why the school wants to move your boy, but if behavior is a concern, you can request a one-on-one aide (or Personal Care Assistant- PCA) before they try to move him. I think that is a reasonable next step before you uproot a child from an environment they are adjusted to. My son attended school in a specialized setting (K-21 all kids with IEPs). He is non verbal and makes progress very slowly BUT there were kids in his classrooms that were way ahead of him and were verbal. A lot of kiddos there go on to have jobs. Not in the cards for my boy but "more restrictive" does not mean ONLY non verbal students. The teachers, for the most part, were better equipped to help my guy and the best part is that in that building, he was fully accepted and included by everyone - staff and students., Yes. My son was 7 at the time when they they amended the IEP and recommended he be moved to a mod severe program. He is non verbal and needs assistance (hand over hand) with writing as he just doesn’t like to do it. My request was heard as a behavioral problem. I refused the recommendation and did not sign that part of the IEP, there are other services that I was ok with such as speech and OT continuing. I did move him to a new school after researching on my own and finding out that there is an autism focused mild mod program in our district that has additional paras who can assist my son. Why they didn’t push for this is beyond me., I think you need to make sure what you’re asking for and asking of your kiddo is reasonable. Do you have reason to believe that he would be mistreated in a special education classroom or that the teachers are more stressed out? Does a general education teacher have the ability to give your child the attention they need while attending appropriately to the rest of the kids in the class? General education teachers are not special education teachers so I would keep that in mind. Is it possible that he needs modifications that would be harder to provide in general Ed? How about his level of comfort? Would your child have a 1:1 aid in a general education setting? If not, can they do without one? Age is a big factor here too. Special education curriculum doesn’t differ as much between general education for 5 year olds but might be significantly different when it comes to middle school. I absolutely would not pull services for him, but unless you think the school is really not acting in good faith, I would consider why they’re making this recommendation. I always wanted my daughter in general education as much as possible too. You just also want to make sure they can be properly supported., As a non attorney special education advocate, I would strongly advise against pulling him out of services. He has a right to the least restrictive environment, so if he isn't doing well where he is, the answer should be to review the IEP and his services and see what needs to be modified there. He shouldn't be moved to a more segregated space before all other options have been exhausted., I can see what you mean. They actually put my son in the classroom with kids who are more verbal and they are all a couple years or so older than him. They think that being around the kids who are more structured will help since he picks up on routines quickly and tends to mock what other kids do. I could see how sticking your kid in a group of kids who don’t speak as much or follow routine as much may be a concern, if your child is like mine. It could throw progress backwards for sure., its my understanding that schools need to provide the "least restrictive" learning environment. so ask what other options they have between gen ed and this spec ed class. maybe he could be in a gen ed with a para, or another spec ed class that is "higher functioning", or attend pull out therapies/small groups during the day. my son moved schools to attend an EBC (emotion/ behavior class) spec ed class. it was great! 1 teacher, 2 paras, and only 10 students. but we had to ask/push to even know this option existed, it wasnt readily offered from our IEP team., Revoking consent is probably not the way to go but you definitely can fight the offered FAPE or go to due process, All of your concerns would be my exact concerns. Sorry no advice. I would also expect video access in a more isolated environment. The school can make recommendations but ultimately you are the one that decides his education and care. Wishing you guys all the best., Hi actual_coconut_4712 As an inclusive education consultant with over 20 years of experience, I understand the challenges and importance of advocating for inclusive education for children with disabilities. I want to commend you for your efforts in fighting for your son's right to be included in the general education setting. When advocating for inclusive placements, it's essential to come prepared with evidence supporting the benefits of inclusion. Research has consistently shown that students with a wide range of disabilities can thrive academically and socially when provided with appropriate supports and accommodations in the general education classroom. For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom. Another review by Hudson, Browder, and Wood (2013) identified that 44 students with moderate to severe disabilities successfully learned academic content in inclusive classrooms, particularly when provided with embedded trial instruction and constant time delay prompting. Moreover, a large-scale study by Ruijs, Van der Veen, and Peetsma (2010) involving 27,745 students without special educational needs found no significant difference in academic outcomes between those in classrooms with and without inclusion. This evidence suggests that the presence of students with disabilities does not negatively impact the academic achievement of their peers without disabilities. In addition to academic benefits, inclusive education promotes social growth for all students. A systematic review by Brock and Carter (2013) demonstrated that with the assistance of trained paraeducators, students with intellectual and developmental disabilities improved their social interactions and decreased problem behaviors in inclusive classrooms and on the playground. As you continue to advocate for your son's inclusion, remember that current research for students with disabilities is on your side and you can use this information to help advocate for your son. If you would like any further support or guidance in your advocacy efforts, please feel free to reach out. I'm happy to share more research, strategies, or connect you with additional resources., Totally agree. A smaller class, with work appropriate to their level where they can be successful and their stress is managed is better I think. How much can a child learn if they’re overwhelmed and anxious?, Thank you. His current class has 7 students, it is a special ed class, the proposed class is also special ed just for more severely disabled kids and is not guaranteed to be smaller, in fact it could be larger it just depends on enrollment. Our position is if he can’t make any progress where he is (already in special ed) why would he make progress in a more severe class?, Thank you, he was in “gen ed” private preschool and did pretty well with the stuff they taught, loved school, no serious behavior issues. He has always had massive issues with inattention, that’s been the main barrier that makes it hard to teach him. We provided a 1:1 support for him there. If he’s in gen ed with no support I’m sure he won’t learn anything but he’s not learning anything now in special ed anyway. He started the year doing ok with behavior but his behavior has been getting increasingly worse., My daughter is in a specialized high school now after having spent most of her life in standard public school settings. It’s the same as what you’re describing. It was the first time we experienced feeling “normal” at school. It is absolutely the best part. She was even voted homecoming queen one year., Thank you, I do live in the US. We actually have recently started working with an attorney, who feels that the school is being unreasonable and not giving him the support he needs to succeed where he is, but she also said after the meeting we just had, that it’s going to be a real uphill battle because they don’t want to budge. She told us that due process would be expensive, and there’s no guarantee of any particular outcome so that’s scary., I have read numerous stories including some in my county of schools getting busted for stuff like sticking a nonverbal kid in front of a tablet all day or restraining them inappropriately. Worst case scenario- sexual abuse? Disabled kids are far more likely to be victims of SA, probably partly because many can’t say anything about it. If all the kids are non verbal, there’s no way to know what’s really going on in there, you have to entirely trust the teacher and I don’t see how you can know they’re trustworthy. I don’t expect him to make progress in general education. He’s already in a small special ed class and not making progress, and they say he’s incapable of things he could do in preschool and can do now, so I don’t trust that a more severe class that may even be larger than his current class would suddenly cause him to flourish and show what he can do. So until we figure out what to do next I feel like our best course of action is to let him do nothing in a safer environment., We have been asking for a 1:1 practically all year because it’s what worked for him in preschool, she kept him regulated so his behaviors were minimal and she helped him stay on task and progress. They basically trialed a 1:1 for a week or so and said they didn’t see a difference and that was that. Now his behaviors are increasing and his academics are abysmal and they want to move him., We were told by the attorney we hired that due process is quite expensive (attorney fees and other costs like hiring a specialist to speak about your child) and there’s no guaranteed outcome, so she’s cautious about recommending it., Just wondering, what is video access?, Wow these are amazing resources, thank you!! I have sometimes tried to find if studies have been done on this sort of thing and couldn’t really find anything so this is so incredibly helpful. I feel like the son I’m talking about in this post is an obvious fit for full inclusion with some supports, but now these studies you’ve shared make me wonder about my other son who has more significant needs— if a more inclusive setting might be better for him. Right now I think he does need to be in separate special ed class which he already is in, he only experiences inclusion for a short portion of the day. They’re pushing for a more restrictive placement that would have even less inclusion. I’ll have to look at your studies and see if the kids in the study were similar to my other son in level of disability or not. Thank you again!, "For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom." No, they didn't. Hunt, et al. looked at the different components of literacy that special education teachers used in the co-taught classroom. The study did not report on the students' progress, so this study does not support the idea that children with moderate-severe needs made progress in the co-taught classroom. They did not provide data on how the students did in the classroom. Brock and Carter (2013) found that paras and teachers who are taught to use performance feedback and modeling have had positive impacts on individuals who have disabilities. The abstract does not state the environment/conditions in which the student received these strategies. I feel like you're overgeneralizing the effects that these studies found. I haven't found the other studies yet. I can only find the abstracts, which makes it difficult to determine the true results and quality of the studies., I would ask what they think will be achieved in this other classroom. I’d also ask for the data that shows the current placement isn’t LRE., Oh, that’s not what I’d envisioned from your post. An 8 is pretty intimate, and if focus is the issue I agree that transitioning to a ‘higher support needs’ class of the same size or bigger doesn’t sound like a proper solution. I can back up the ‘right of refusal’ if you’re in the USA. Have you looked into any state-approved private schools? If your district cannot provide a ‘Free Appropriate Public Education’, you can angle for a private placement. In New York there are a lot of options, with niche angles. Maybe one might resonate with how you see your son’s learning process, I’m just giving you something to consider in an attempt to share my experience from the nearly 20 years I’ve been doing this with my kid. It’s perspective from a stranger on the internet, ultimately you have to do what you think is best for your child. Certainly being disabled creates opportunity for abuse. I have a daughter that is nonverbal. Women are much more likely to be targeted for abuse than men. She’s very vulnerable and I take her safety seriously. So I understand where you’re coming from. Perhaps a 1:1 would be an appropriate ask to address your concerns. It’s far less likely that two adults hide abuse than one. Or perhaps you’re able to get services at your home where you can supervise. The education system can be quite frustrating at times, but my daughter has made so much progress and I know so much of that was due to getting services early and consistently. I would hate to see anyone pass that up if they didn’t have to. Best of luck to you., Remind them about LRE and that a one week trial is not long enough to get enough data to prove he wasn't helped. Schools love data, but hate having it flipped on them to show drastic changes are not justified. If they can't show it, they can't do it. It doesn't matter if you already let it go before, ask them to revisit it to see if it helps him get FAPE. What state are you in? I probably can refer you to an advocate if you want one., Video available to see remotely. Some daycare/schools have them. I strongly believe vulnerable children need that extra safety net since some are non-verbal, I work with kids who have extensive support needs. Half of the kids in the 80 person study were nonverbal., I co authored the hunt study. Pretty sure the assessment I designed showed progress over the five waves of testing. You don’t know what you’re talking about., He made good progress in preschool, he makes good progress in OT at school but close to zero progress in his classroom so they do have the data to back up moving him to a more severe class and probably data to bump him down even further if there is such a thing., Thank you- we’ve been asking for a 1:1 all along but it’s very difficult to get approval, because really almost all kids in special ed would benefit from 1:1 and they don’t have the funds for that., Thank you!! We actually had a great advocate who suggested we get a lawyer due to how insanely difficult the school was being. We took a lawyer to our recent meeting and she was optimistic going in and not so optimistic after. :(, You mean, free access for parents? Or for admin to look into the rooms?, I understand your concerns re. Sexual abuse. However, a few things to keep in mind— you aren’t trusting ‘just one teacher’. You are trusting all the teachers. There will be all sorts of aids and paras around. So there are natural checks and balances. And the truth is a lot of verbal, neurotypical kids never say a word about their abuse. A very valid question to administrators might be: “how do you mitigate the risk of sexual abuse at this school?” What makes you think your child is ‘safer’ at the current school? Could any of that be replicated at the new school? I am very concerned about your son not making progress in his current setting. All children should be making progress, even if it is very small. I would be curious if there are techniques or methods that can be used at the ‘new school’ that aren’t available at his current school. Continuing on in a setting that isn’t benefiting your child isn’t a great plan. I would really approach the school with curiosity and try to understand why they are recommending it. I would ask if you can go and observe the class. I would reach out to other parents who have kids attending it and get some info from them. Learn more. Be curious. Come at it assuming best intent of the school (hard, I know!). If you really, really try to investigate it optimistically and decide it’s not for your kid, that’s cool. But I’ve found things I’ve thought would be awful and I was really scared of sometimes ended up being a great option., This made me chuckle. Do we live in the same district because it sounds like one of mine..., Yes for both. There’s always two sides to every story. One side can’t talk. Video can help clarify what occurs in the classrooms. It can protect both the teachers and students., Sounds like one of the schools in your district?, I'm all for admin access. I'm hesitant on free access for parents. There are some weird people out there and I'd feel weird with others being able to keep recordings of children. I think parents should be able to request a viewing though., Yes, there are some schools where I live that are absolutely stubborn., It sounds like there may be more info required here. Generally, smaller classes have a higher teacher ratio, and wouldn’t be suggested unless the class they were in was struggling to meet their needs. I understand the desire for positive peer examples, but there are many reasons a child may be in a higher support needs class. A positive thing about higher support classes is a more pragmatic approach to lessons, more sensory / physical breaks, less expectation to sit still for extended sessions. It could be worth visiting the setting they are recommending, speaking to the teacher and witnessing the environment. I’m coming into this with bias, though, as my 4.5yo son is non-verbal but with no behavioral issues in class, Can he tolerate the gen ed classroom? Are there behavior problems?, I am not sure where you live but I am in the USA and here you can disagree with a placement determination by checking the appropriate box on the NOREP (Notice of Recommended Educational Placement). That gives your kid a "stay" until you can go to a due process hearing where you will be able to argue your position. They won't be moved until that hearing has resulted in a determination. I do not think it is wise for you to place your child in a general ed placement with no support. If you are worried about abuse, rest assured there is a good chance that your child will absolutely suffer from being placed in an environment that can not support their needs at all. You also have limited rights to put your son in general ed because if your child's needs would cause a disruption of learning to the other students and the district can prove that, you will not be able to do that. I am not sure why the school wants to move your boy, but if behavior is a concern, you can request a one-on-one aide (or Personal Care Assistant- PCA) before they try to move him. I think that is a reasonable next step before you uproot a child from an environment they are adjusted to. My son attended school in a specialized setting (K-21 all kids with IEPs). He is non verbal and makes progress very slowly BUT there were kids in his classrooms that were way ahead of him and were verbal. A lot of kiddos there go on to have jobs. Not in the cards for my boy but "more restrictive" does not mean ONLY non verbal students. The teachers, for the most part, were better equipped to help my guy and the best part is that in that building, he was fully accepted and included by everyone - staff and students., Yes. My son was 7 at the time when they they amended the IEP and recommended he be moved to a mod severe program. He is non verbal and needs assistance (hand over hand) with writing as he just doesn’t like to do it. My request was heard as a behavioral problem. I refused the recommendation and did not sign that part of the IEP, there are other services that I was ok with such as speech and OT continuing. I did move him to a new school after researching on my own and finding out that there is an autism focused mild mod program in our district that has additional paras who can assist my son. Why they didn’t push for this is beyond me., I think you need to make sure what you’re asking for and asking of your kiddo is reasonable. Do you have reason to believe that he would be mistreated in a special education classroom or that the teachers are more stressed out? Does a general education teacher have the ability to give your child the attention they need while attending appropriately to the rest of the kids in the class? General education teachers are not special education teachers so I would keep that in mind. Is it possible that he needs modifications that would be harder to provide in general Ed? How about his level of comfort? Would your child have a 1:1 aid in a general education setting? If not, can they do without one? Age is a big factor here too. Special education curriculum doesn’t differ as much between general education for 5 year olds but might be significantly different when it comes to middle school. I absolutely would not pull services for him, but unless you think the school is really not acting in good faith, I would consider why they’re making this recommendation. I always wanted my daughter in general education as much as possible too. You just also want to make sure they can be properly supported., As a non attorney special education advocate, I would strongly advise against pulling him out of services. He has a right to the least restrictive environment, so if he isn't doing well where he is, the answer should be to review the IEP and his services and see what needs to be modified there. He shouldn't be moved to a more segregated space before all other options have been exhausted., I can see what you mean. They actually put my son in the classroom with kids who are more verbal and they are all a couple years or so older than him. They think that being around the kids who are more structured will help since he picks up on routines quickly and tends to mock what other kids do. I could see how sticking your kid in a group of kids who don’t speak as much or follow routine as much may be a concern, if your child is like mine. It could throw progress backwards for sure., its my understanding that schools need to provide the "least restrictive" learning environment. so ask what other options they have between gen ed and this spec ed class. maybe he could be in a gen ed with a para, or another spec ed class that is "higher functioning", or attend pull out therapies/small groups during the day. my son moved schools to attend an EBC (emotion/ behavior class) spec ed class. it was great! 1 teacher, 2 paras, and only 10 students. but we had to ask/push to even know this option existed, it wasnt readily offered from our IEP team., Revoking consent is probably not the way to go but you definitely can fight the offered FAPE or go to due process, All of your concerns would be my exact concerns. Sorry no advice. I would also expect video access in a more isolated environment. The school can make recommendations but ultimately you are the one that decides his education and care. Wishing you guys all the best., Hi actual_coconut_4712 As an inclusive education consultant with over 20 years of experience, I understand the challenges and importance of advocating for inclusive education for children with disabilities. I want to commend you for your efforts in fighting for your son's right to be included in the general education setting. When advocating for inclusive placements, it's essential to come prepared with evidence supporting the benefits of inclusion. Research has consistently shown that students with a wide range of disabilities can thrive academically and socially when provided with appropriate supports and accommodations in the general education classroom. For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom. Another review by Hudson, Browder, and Wood (2013) identified that 44 students with moderate to severe disabilities successfully learned academic content in inclusive classrooms, particularly when provided with embedded trial instruction and constant time delay prompting. Moreover, a large-scale study by Ruijs, Van der Veen, and Peetsma (2010) involving 27,745 students without special educational needs found no significant difference in academic outcomes between those in classrooms with and without inclusion. This evidence suggests that the presence of students with disabilities does not negatively impact the academic achievement of their peers without disabilities. In addition to academic benefits, inclusive education promotes social growth for all students. A systematic review by Brock and Carter (2013) demonstrated that with the assistance of trained paraeducators, students with intellectual and developmental disabilities improved their social interactions and decreased problem behaviors in inclusive classrooms and on the playground. As you continue to advocate for your son's inclusion, remember that current research for students with disabilities is on your side and you can use this information to help advocate for your son. If you would like any further support or guidance in your advocacy efforts, please feel free to reach out. I'm happy to share more research, strategies, or connect you with additional resources., Totally agree. A smaller class, with work appropriate to their level where they can be successful and their stress is managed is better I think. How much can a child learn if they’re overwhelmed and anxious?, Thank you. His current class has 7 students, it is a special ed class, the proposed class is also special ed just for more severely disabled kids and is not guaranteed to be smaller, in fact it could be larger it just depends on enrollment. Our position is if he can’t make any progress where he is (already in special ed) why would he make progress in a more severe class?, Thank you, he was in “gen ed” private preschool and did pretty well with the stuff they taught, loved school, no serious behavior issues. He has always had massive issues with inattention, that’s been the main barrier that makes it hard to teach him. We provided a 1:1 support for him there. If he’s in gen ed with no support I’m sure he won’t learn anything but he’s not learning anything now in special ed anyway. He started the year doing ok with behavior but his behavior has been getting increasingly worse., My daughter is in a specialized high school now after having spent most of her life in standard public school settings. It’s the same as what you’re describing. It was the first time we experienced feeling “normal” at school. It is absolutely the best part. She was even voted homecoming queen one year., Thank you, I do live in the US. We actually have recently started working with an attorney, who feels that the school is being unreasonable and not giving him the support he needs to succeed where he is, but she also said after the meeting we just had, that it’s going to be a real uphill battle because they don’t want to budge. She told us that due process would be expensive, and there’s no guarantee of any particular outcome so that’s scary., I have read numerous stories including some in my county of schools getting busted for stuff like sticking a nonverbal kid in front of a tablet all day or restraining them inappropriately. Worst case scenario- sexual abuse? Disabled kids are far more likely to be victims of SA, probably partly because many can’t say anything about it. If all the kids are non verbal, there’s no way to know what’s really going on in there, you have to entirely trust the teacher and I don’t see how you can know they’re trustworthy. I don’t expect him to make progress in general education. He’s already in a small special ed class and not making progress, and they say he’s incapable of things he could do in preschool and can do now, so I don’t trust that a more severe class that may even be larger than his current class would suddenly cause him to flourish and show what he can do. So until we figure out what to do next I feel like our best course of action is to let him do nothing in a safer environment., We have been asking for a 1:1 practically all year because it’s what worked for him in preschool, she kept him regulated so his behaviors were minimal and she helped him stay on task and progress. They basically trialed a 1:1 for a week or so and said they didn’t see a difference and that was that. Now his behaviors are increasing and his academics are abysmal and they want to move him., We were told by the attorney we hired that due process is quite expensive (attorney fees and other costs like hiring a specialist to speak about your child) and there’s no guaranteed outcome, so she’s cautious about recommending it., Just wondering, what is video access?, Wow these are amazing resources, thank you!! I have sometimes tried to find if studies have been done on this sort of thing and couldn’t really find anything so this is so incredibly helpful. I feel like the son I’m talking about in this post is an obvious fit for full inclusion with some supports, but now these studies you’ve shared make me wonder about my other son who has more significant needs— if a more inclusive setting might be better for him. Right now I think he does need to be in separate special ed class which he already is in, he only experiences inclusion for a short portion of the day. They’re pushing for a more restrictive placement that would have even less inclusion. I’ll have to look at your studies and see if the kids in the study were similar to my other son in level of disability or not. Thank you again!, "For example, a study by Hunt et al. (2019) found that 80 students with autism and intellectual disabilities made significant gains in early literacy skills when provided with appropriate support in the general education classroom." No, they didn't. Hunt, et al. looked at the different components of literacy that special education teachers used in the co-taught classroom. The study did not report on the students' progress, so this study does not support the idea that children with moderate-severe needs made progress in the co-taught classroom. They did not provide data on how the students did in the classroom. Brock and Carter (2013) found that paras and teachers who are taught to use performance feedback and modeling have had positive impacts on individuals who have disabilities. The abstract does not state the environment/conditions in which the student received these strategies. I feel like you're overgeneralizing the effects that these studies found. I haven't found the other studies yet. I can only find the abstracts, which makes it difficult to determine the true results and quality of the studies., I would ask what they think will be achieved in this other classroom. I’d also ask for the data that shows the current placement isn’t LRE., Oh, that’s not what I’d envisioned from your post. An 8 is pretty intimate, and if focus is the issue I agree that transitioning to a ‘higher support needs’ class of the same size or bigger doesn’t sound like a proper solution. I can back up the ‘right of refusal’ if you’re in the USA. Have you looked into any state-approved private schools? If your district cannot provide a ‘Free Appropriate Public Education’, you can angle for a private placement. In New York there are a lot of options, with niche angles. Maybe one might resonate with how you see your son’s learning process, I’m just giving you something to consider in an attempt to share my experience from the nearly 20 years I’ve been doing this with my kid. It’s perspective from a stranger on the internet, ultimately you have to do what you think is best for your child. Certainly being disabled creates opportunity for abuse. I have a daughter that is nonverbal. Women are much more likely to be targeted for abuse than men. She’s very vulnerable and I take her safety seriously. So I understand where you’re coming from. Perhaps a 1:1 would be an appropriate ask to address your concerns. It’s far less likely that two adults hide abuse than one. Or perhaps you’re able to get services at your home where you can supervise. The education system can be quite frustrating at times, but my daughter has made so much progress and I know so much of that was due to getting services early and consistently. I would hate to see anyone pass that up if they didn’t have to. Best of luck to you., Remind them about LRE and that a one week trial is not long enough to get enough data to prove he wasn't helped. Schools love data, but hate having it flipped on them to show drastic changes are not justified. If they can't show it, they can't do it. It doesn't matter if you already let it go before, ask them to revisit it to see if it helps him get FAPE. What state are you in? I probably can refer you to an advocate if you want one., Video available to see remotely. Some daycare/schools have them. I strongly believe vulnerable children need that extra safety net since some are non-verbal, I work with kids who have extensive support needs. Half of the kids in the 80 person study were nonverbal., I co authored the hunt study. Pretty sure the assessment I designed showed progress over the five waves of testing. You don’t know what you’re talking about., He made good progress in preschool, he makes good progress in OT at school but close to zero progress in his classroom so they do have the data to back up moving him to a more severe class and probably data to bump him down even further if there is such a thing., Thank you- we’ve been asking for a 1:1 all along but it’s very difficult to get approval, because really almost all kids in special ed would benefit from 1:1 and they don’t have the funds for that., Thank you!! We actually had a great advocate who suggested we get a lawyer due to how insanely difficult the school was being. We took a lawyer to our recent meeting and she was optimistic going in and not so optimistic after. :(, You mean, free access for parents? Or for admin to look into the rooms?, I understand your concerns re. Sexual abuse. However, a few things to keep in mind— you aren’t trusting ‘just one teacher’. You are trusting all the teachers. There will be all sorts of aids and paras around. So there are natural checks and balances. And the truth is a lot of verbal, neurotypical kids never say a word about their abuse. A very valid question to administrators might be: “how do you mitigate the risk of sexual abuse at this school?” What makes you think your child is ‘safer’ at the current school? Could any of that be replicated at the new school? I am very concerned about your son not making progress in his current setting. All children should be making progress, even if it is very small. I would be curious if there are techniques or methods that can be used at the ‘new school’ that aren’t available at his current school. Continuing on in a setting that isn’t benefiting your child isn’t a great plan. I would really approach the school with curiosity and try to understand why they are recommending it. I would ask if you can go and observe the class. I would reach out to other parents who have kids attending it and get some info from them. Learn more. Be curious. Come at it assuming best intent of the school (hard, I know!). If you really, really try to investigate it optimistically and decide it’s not for your kid, that’s cool. But I’ve found things I’ve thought would be awful and I was really scared of sometimes ended up being a great option., This made me chuckle. Do we live in the same district because it sounds like one of mine..., Yes for both. There’s always two sides to every story. One side can’t talk. Video can help clarify what occurs in the classrooms. It can protect both the teachers and students., Sounds like one of the schools in your district?, I'm all for admin access. I'm hesitant on free access for parents. There are some weird people out there and I'd feel weird with others being able to keep recordings of children. I think parents should be able to request a viewing though., Yes, there are some schools where I live that are absolutely stubborn.

Has anyone gone the route of not using aba therapy and just stuck with school and therapy?

The wait list for evaluation is so long and services even longer. Has anyone done school and therapy only? My 3 year old makes sounds once in blue moon copies what you say. Speach delay. Has anyone had this kind of experience and how did it turn out?

We’ve never done ABA. No one told me about it…. We are just doing the special Ed preschool and speech. It’s going fine, Us. I’m an early intervention specialist and have an autistic daughter. ABA is not for everyone but good practitioners with a strong concept of play-based learning and neurodiversity-affirming care practices can and do certainly make a positive difference for some people. That quality of care can be hard to find. The thing that people don’t really understand is that ABA is just addressing one thing: behavior. But, all behavior is communication. If my child has behavioral issues there are multiple paths I pursue before ABA crosses my mind. The power of observation is a huge one. I would spend time observing her, checking that the environment is suited to her needs and interests, ensuring that she is safe, healthy, and that sleep is in order. If improvements to the natural environment and my personal involvement in her daily routine weren’t helping, I would start to consider other needs: Is she able to easily communicate with me? Does she have the tools and skills to do things independently that she wants to do? How do I give her access to that? Speech, OT, play-based therapy, social stories are all options. Putting your kiddo in ABA if they are having behavioral issues that have been thoroughly investigated and don’t have another underlying cause, or if they have behaviors that can physically harm themselves or others, makes sense and is a totally reasonable thing to do! But, I’m not gathering from the way that you’ve worded this that you’re at your up to your neck in unmanageable behaviors. Consider ABA if the time comes that you need it. But, also consider the immense value of time with peers, therapies that focus on the whole child, and time spend simply enjoying their interests. The right preschool is a great choice. If you can find a school rooted in Reggio Emilia philosophies or find a whole-child centered program for children with disabilities, both would be great options. As well as many, many other school settings!, I have no plans to use ABA, the quality of therapy varies tremendously and I just don't feel we need it. OT and speech are enough., We did ABA for 4 months and saw lots of independence lost. Since stopping my son is now talking and is interested in being social. He’s 4.5 starting school next year. For now we’re doing therapy groups for speech and feeding., I opted out of ABA and we’re instead doing school and private therapy that isn’t ABA., We never started ABA. We started getting speech and OT through early intervention from around 20 months until he aged out of EI at 3. After that he transitioned into the Pre-K program and he's been getting his services at school since then. He's 5 1/2 now. I'm not anti-ABA or anything like that, it seems like something that has value in certain circumstances. For us it just never really felt like a fit, for a variety of reasons. School takes a lot out of my son. He loves it and he's progressed like crazy, but it's really exhausting for him. He's in the extended day program now so he's at school from like 8AM-2PM, Monday-Thursday. Adding more stuff on top of that just doesn't seem reasonable. We want to let our kid be a kid and have time to play and chill after school. I don't want him to be "working" 40 hours a week or whatever at 5 years old. We've been trying to mix in an additional OT for feeding therapy once a week and even that's been a challenge because he just doesn't have the energy for more than what he's already doing. That said, he doesn't have any real "behavioral" problems that we need to address. If he was harming himself or others, for example, we would probably reconsider ABA as an option. But the turnover and time commitment are just too much for us right now. If there's ever a need in the future, we'd consider it, but for now we're good where we are., Nope we use ABA in place of our LO’s Pre-School & have had a great experience. Went from Non-Verbal to Pre-Verbal with 13 words and some functional ASL. No longer gets stressed during transitional periods and is heavily engaged. Our LO is only 3 but we will do 3 more full-time years of ABA/Speech as we like the 1 on 1 para-professional approach. We will move to Colorado in a few years to make sure he has access to a better school district when the time comes., I tried ABA for 6months and saw too much aggression. I stopped services in December and have seen improvement and less aggression. There were good things too she learned ABCs with her therapist but the aggressive outburts was to much on me. She receives a form of ABA in school and shes been doing great. Trust yourself. Someone told me that, I have no regrets., So we have done ABA and I just want to give you some peace of mind that this therapy isn't a silver bullet. Our daughter has been in ABA since 3 on through 5 years of age and I'm glad she's getting the extra help but it hasn't wildly changed her trajectory or progress. We still have a child who struggles to communicate and socialize just like we had before ABA. I wouldn't give up on trying to get services but I also wouldn't feel like you are missing this opportunity to totally change his life. Because ABA has definitely not been that at least in our experience., We chose not to go with ABA. In its basic form it is behavioral therapy applied to a neuro-type. Being autistic isn’t a behavior. This was one of the biggest reasons we chose not to. I also didn’t like the compliance aspect of it and especially didn’t like what felt like anti stimming agenda. We’ve done some speech therapy and it privately where we could manage. My son was diagnosed at 2 he is now 4 and has acquired more language and the ability to show us what he wants. Side note when you say copies what you say that reminds me of my son. You should check out gestalt language processing. You might find it helpful :), I called around and everywhere wants us to do 30-40 hrs a week (!!) of ABA or not at all. They straight up tell you that's the only way it's financially viable for them. We will stick with speech, OT, and neurodiverse affirming preschool., I feel like there’s a huge range of experiences with ABA, you’d really have to actually visit the specific center and talk to the people who work there to get a feel for how they run things. We were really happy with who we used, combination of ABA and developmental preschool with other therapies. She’s 6 now and attending regular kindergarten and thriving. We visited multiple other places that were definitely sketchy and not who we’d trust her with though., We tried for as long as possible... but our son isnt progressing and behavioral issues are becoming worse. He's getting his ABA assessment for how many hours allotted soon - I think we'll try this summer to see how it goes (we need a summer child care solution anyway), Us! My son is in a full day preschool through our public school system. He’s in a blended class so half the students have IEPs and half are typically developing. He receives speech at school and we also do ST & OT after school., My son goes to school. He gets speech therapy. He’s using sentences now. He does not really have a lot of bad behaviors or severe stims. We like his personality ( He is such a happy kid.) ABA is not for us., We would have tried it but by the time I was able to get his diagnosis covid hit so we were never able to enroll him due to in person restrictions. And now he is too old and his Dev Ped no longer recommends it. I regret we weren't able to try it when he was younger as I will never really know if it would have helped move him even further along than he is now. However, he has done well with just the other supportive therapies such as speech, OT, psychology, and horse therapy. His Dev Ped said it may have got him to this point a little more quickly but that she did not think it would have moved him any further along. She thought we did a great job without the ABA., Our speech and OT were trained in Early Start Denver Model and J.A.S.P.E.R. Worked great for us. There is also floor time and RDI. Definitely doesn’t have to be ABA., Currently almost 3 and opted not to pursue ABA and just stick with Speech, OT, and PT with school for right now. We just didn’t feel like ABA was the right fit for our daughter. We said we’d reconsider if we didn’t feel like what we were doing was working. Ours struggles most with social skills and it seemed like the best place to work on that was in group settings., ABA is frowned upon where I live. We did have speech therapy, but it did nothing but frustrate him. He just wasn't ready, and no therapy in the world would've helped him. When he eventually started talking, he went from 0 to 100 real fast. He's going to a special needs school, and he is doing great 😊, I’ve done both outpatient and school therapy for my kid, and I’d encourage anyone who could do both to do both. Both were filled with people who wanted the best for my child. But at the outpatient I got an immediate update about my child’s progress and could ask questions directly about observed behavior. At school therapy, I have no idea how they prompt nor do I know how day to day progress is going. And there’s only therapy through the school as long as school is in session., We tried ABA and no positive experiences whatsoever., We do school and ABA. Public school provides speech and OT services but it’s so minimal I don’t know how effective it is at 30mins once a week. The ABA has been so great and not even just for behavior but they teach him self help skills so he can take care of his own needs. We are about to graduate out of ABA and I will look into speech services outside of the school district. My son is turning 9 this year and he’s been in services since he was 2. Hope this helps!, We are trying this along with PT and speech therapy. The ABA we got was too time consuming for us, exhausted my kid (3 yo), and they didn't do anything. We kept getting new people and they just kept trying to play and interact and always seemed to start from square 1. After a several weeks of this (4 times a week 4 hours a day) we decided we couldn't sustain it and didn't seem to be doing anything so we ended it. I have no thoughts on ABA just that provider wasn't for us, My son is Level 2 and we just do OT at school (Kindergarten). Once they are in school full time I’m not even sure how you’d also do ABA., We haven’t been able to find an ABA provider for any of our kids. The oldest gets Speech and OT at school with assistance from paras that come in the classroom. He also gets pulled out for breaks. He would have benefitted from more therapies when he was younger but it took forever to get anyone to take us seriously that something wasn’t right. We were told he couldn’t come back to a private preschool 30 minutes after he got there. ADHD diagnosis was easy to get with the family history. It took until he was 6 to get an ASD diagnosis. He’s in 3rd grade now. The middle hardly needs any accommodations right now and doesn’t qualify for therapies at school. When he first started a 2 year old program, he was diagnosed with a speech delay and had speech at daycare. Then he went into a special education IPK classroom. He did amazing in there. He outperformed all the other kids in VPK and had his own curriculum. We got an ADHD diagnosis for him. The first few weeks of kindergarten all the negative behaviors came out. He was finally kicked out of that school (he was on a waiver). We got a ASD diagnosis on him. He’s had a few challenges but is doing great in 1st grade. The youngest goes to Speech and OT twice a week. She was diagnosed with speech delay, a language disorder, and ASD shortly after turning 2. She’s is in a 2 hour a day pre IPK program in the afternoons that is run similarly to the therapies we take her to. She gets 30 minutes of language therapy once a week during the program. She’s 3 now., We have been on the ABA wait-list for almost a year. At this point, I don't think we need it. He is making amazing progress between school, OT, speech therapy and music therapy. I don't think adding 20 hours of ABA would do more than burn him out., We've done Speech therapy (doing both private and through the public school), DD Pre-k, and Mothers Day Out. We did an OT evaluation, but they signed off on him after his evaluation., We didn’t choose to, but we had a short time where my son only had preschool and no aba. Everyone told me how special needs preschool was the best thing ever and aba was horrible, but it’s been the opposite for us. I don’t feel he was appropriately helped at preschool and he would scream and cry every morning on the way there (when he’s usually very happy), meanwhile he’d go running into the aba office smiling. We ended up dropping preschool and just doing aba and he loves it so far and is doing pretty well., School has been so incredible for my son. So so good., We were late to the party on getting him diagnosed. He's officially diagnosed now but before that we got him registered for public school for a month of spec pre k in order to get him IEP tested last yr because he was still on wait lists for speech and OT. He's now in speech and OT both inside school and outside school, so doubled up kind of. In a really good spec kindergarten class too. At diagnosis they told us we could get a referral for aba but wait lists suck in my area and after talking to his out of school speech and OT ppls we decided it would be too much for him since he's progressing really well with what we already have him in. He's very routine oriented and aba would just be working on eye contact which we don't care about, and subjecting him to more routines which would likely not be good for his anxiety. He has some quirks but he's not aggressive so we aren't concerned with behavior. I've heard some great things about aba and if we didn't manage to get him potty trained I would consider it just for that aspect. We are lucky to have the team we do for him. I really think it depends on the aba program, and the kid themselves if it would be helpful. All our kids are different so it's really subjective to each situation., When our daughter was diagnosed I asked her doctor about ABA and the look on her face said everything (it was the same look a doctor once gave me when I asked about using a bleach bath for my eczema). We started speech at 2.5yrs and it's been really slow going but at about 4.5 she really started to take off with functional language and now at 5 she is becoming conversational. OT has probably been the most life changing support. It has really stretched our daughter to be more flexible and resilient. Recently we noticed that she was struggling to initiate/maintain play with peers at preschool so now we have another OT going to her preschool to help her with this and it's making an absolutely massive difference. She's got friends now., My daughter didn’t have terrible behaviors, but does elope and ABA has worked wonders. Also, ABA improved her functional communication more than speech ever did. ABA also is how we got her potty trained. It’s been a lifesaver, honestly, We didn’t do ABA. Our services have included speech, OT, and DIR Floortime. We also did ESDM when he was younger (which I guess some may consider a form of ABA?) but not now. I think it makes sense to look at the specific needs of your child rather than feeling like you have to do a specific set of things just because they’re autistic. I get a little frustrated by the pressure to do as much therapy as possible — and the specific pressure to do ABA, especially considering how many hours people are recommended for., Everyone is different and is in a different situation. Some may need more intervention then others. For my kid. I did not do ABA for my kid. I am a Autistic Adult and me and my son struggle in very similar ways (Why I went for a assessment in the first place). So I am able to better help him though his struggles. So far it has turned out really well., I was pretty much told that ABA would be overkill for my son. They gave us a diagnosis but didn’t bother to give us any direction on how to help him., ABA is just intensive training and it's only been commonly practiced since insurance companies started paying for it after Obama Care legislation was passed in the late 2010's. My twins were too old to benefit, I used mostly floor play when they were toddlers and focused on getting the best IEP services and accommodations we could. I found after school therapist led activities we paid for. In my area there's a place The Judson Center and they had therapist led game nights, yoga and homework, sports leagues, art classes, movie parties. They both did well in school, one finished college, but they still struggle with things, IDK if ABA would have changed them much. I like them quirky and "different", Even though 40 hours per week of ABA was recommended to us, we never went that route. We declined what the public school offered. We started 30 minutes of weekly speech therapy and 60 minutes of weekly occupational therapy, both private, the week of his 3rd birthday (he was assessed & diagnosed a few weeks later). He was re-assessed every 12 weeks by the therapists, for insurance and goals. When he started, he had the speech of a child aged 22 to 26 months. Within a year, his speech was that of an average 4 year old- he turned 4 that same week. His occupational therapy addressed all of the concerns we had, providing us with the tools needed to help him, so that was done within a year too. Between illnesses for us and his therapists, he had probably 44 or so sessions in the 52 week time frame., My kid was not diagnosed in time for the vast majority of ABA clinics to even take them and anyone they've seen since pretty much unanimously thinks it's a bad idea for them., We've done speech, feeding, and occupational therapy alongside public preschool and now elementary school (finishing up 2nd grade). He's just now getting back into private OT as it took a little longer to get things set up after a move and change in insurance. His vocabulary, diet, confidence, and social sklils are light years from where they were at 3. In the end, it comes down to how good/bad your school district is and how well the preschool/PreK/Kindergarten placement they have works for him. The school district we were in when my eldest was diagnosed could not provide the appropriate services for him (as employees there told us). The two we've been in since then have been fantastic and provided more support than we would have received in our initial state. Good luck., ABA helped us so much, this was when my son was having huge tantrums and was aggressive. He was only 2 though but man… Those weeks were ROUGH. they help with behavior and help with “commands” and focus. I think it helped my son. However, I will say that not all therapists are the same… there was only two that I felt like were the reason for the improvements. The others were meh., We tried ABA for 3 weeks and hated it so we stopped. My child is just in a structured class and we do occupational and speech therapy privately. I actually like that my child has therapy outside of the home. I feel like I can’t be myself and relax when there are people over. My child is doing great!! The structure of school is very helpful. She started talking (single words) too!, We dropped ABA about 4 years ago. He was doing okay, but we've seen a need for it and are about to start again., We didn't do ABA. We did SLT, OT, PT, and social skills classes. He's in an autism classroom and has been since grade 1. He started speech/language therapy when he was 3, OT and PT when he was 5. We've been working in social skills classes when they're available. He's currently in 2. Edit to add: He also sees a therapist but that started in the past year. He's 10 now., Yes! We do speech twice weekly (with a GLP trained therapist), OT once a week, and we'll probably add in PT. He's been going to a traditional preschool and has been doing well (he just turned 5 today!). He's had these spurts of development in his speech, social skills, motor skills, etc - but we've always kept things low demand and low pressure anyway. He's not at the same level of oral communication as others his age, but he communicates in a ton of ways! I wouldn't change anything about how we've approached things., There seems to be a wide range of experiences with ABA. We are doing it at home because that's all our insurance will cover besides OT, speech is presently out of pocket. My daughter loves the ABA therapists; she doesn't want them to leave. They are creative and engaging and they work with her other therapists. But I know it's not the right choice for every child. We will be moving to another state soon and I hope I can recreate the same experience for her there., We won’t do ABA. My daughter is in kinder and gets OT, speech and a special ed teacher for reading instruction., I live in australia and as far as I’m aware, ABA doesn’t exist here. We do speech & OT. Currently looking into behaviour therapy as an option but the general consensus is that OT addresses behaviour too so we’re not sure if it’ll be any benefit. I was also told the behaviour therapy offered here is more so for parents/caregivers on ways to cope, Our son is getting the care he needs in ecse, no one is really seeing the need for aba at this time, That's great. He has no severe behavior problems. Just trouble with speach. I'm thinking school and therapy a couple times a week should be enough?, Thank you so much for your insight! He is definitely manageable happy go lucky lil guy. Only gets Mads when he doesn't get what he wants which u consider normal toddler stuff. He is going to be starting integrated preschool soon with half ND and half NT. He absolutely loved the visit and the teachers (st and ot) seemed fabulous. I'm just confused with the meaning of aba I guess. Is it for speach delay or behavior problems? Or both?, Thank you for this comment. We tried ABA but our tech was not a good fit, and I wasn't sure I wanted to do it in the first place. You were able to put into words why I want to try other options first. I appreciate you verbalizing it this way. ♥️, That's how I feel. Is aba just when their behavior is out of control? My son doesn't really have behavior problems just speach and sensory, How is it going?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Colorado mom here! please stay far far away from Aurora Public Schools for IEPS or any extra support for your child. We have had a few family members mistreated and their care plans not followed properly., I'm not sure how well it will work for child care. My 6 year old is in ABA right now and he's only there for about 4 hours a day, 4 days a week and we have to provide our own transport to get him there and back. If I wasn't a stay-at-home dad, we wouldn't even be able to have him in ABA at all. Of course you may be able to work with them to figure out something that would work but I wouldn't count on it as a solution., How is it working for him? Has he developed speach?, How has their speach come along so far and at what age did it start to take off?, That's good to know. Definitely need help with his listening when we go outside and potty training, The hours sound like a full time job foe a toddler, Amazing. Is he speaking yet?, What is ecse?, I’m seeing improvement with just that system. We haven’t had much in the realm of therapy. I’m sure things could evolve faster with more but my girl seems to be doing well. I bet your boy can too ❤️ we had minimal behavioral issues. It’s mainly speech that’s a problem. I’ve been told many times once that catches up we will be in a much better spot developmentally, ABA stands for “applied behavior analysis” and is a therapy designed specifically to target undesired behaviors and train preferred behaviors. It doesn’t focus on speech or any other of a number of useful skills and necessary areas of child development. It absolutely has its use, but it’s not a cure for anything and unfortunately I think it often gets pointed to as the ultimate solution., ABA can help with behavior, routines, compliance. OT can help with a lot of that too though. And you don't want to over-do it with therapies either, it's exhausting! If you don't feel you or your child need the support, then there's no need in my opinion., I think the wording of “behavior is out of control” doesn’t describe every child that goes to ABA therapy. It doesn’t describe my child and he needs ABA therapy for many different reasons but “out of control behavior” isn’t one of them., Eh, school therapy isn’t my favorite bc our district is trash, private ot speech and pt are going well., He was similar at 3, some scripting and a handful of preferred words. He's what we call "semi-conversational" now, he's made a ton of progress and the majority of it happened over the last year or so, from around 4.5-5.5. He can communicate his needs if he's well regulated, and he's speaking constantly. Still some scripting mixed in but improvement literally every week at this point., We are looking at Ft Collins with Poudre School District, He can count to 10 forwards and backwards! He can name every character from Mickey Mouse. All the animals in the back of the Brown Bear book. He’s honestly thrived with the routine that comes with school. Come in, put your book bag and coat up, wash hands, meals, story time. Etc. He’s still a very independent player. Not very interested in what the other kids are doing. He has developed relationships with the teachers though. He will cuddle with them, lead them to what he wants which is his preferred method of communication., The oldest never had an issue talking. His issue is advocating for himself. The middle talked at home but not at school. He is hyper verbal now. The youngest isn’t considered nonverbal anymore. She consistently says some words, she makes more eye contact, has more ways of communicating, and doesn’t get as frustrated when trying to communicate. She still has a long way to go but I’m convinced she will talk., ABA gets a bad wrap, and truthfully a lot is kind of shit. We researched several clinics before deciding on which we’d send our now 3 year old to. She started in August and could speak many words, but had ZERO functional communication. She now speaks in full sentences and can “I want” “give me” “I need”, we did a year of speech before and never saw the progress we did with ABA. She still does speech and OT. Anyway, we are moving her to a regular preschool this fall, and will have her ABA therapists work with her in that setting., I really value down time for my kid, especially now that he’s in school., Yes, he’s fully verbal. His struggles are social and what to say to peers., Early Childhood Special Education, here in Michigan, you can get in as early as 3 yo just on speech delay. so only a portion of his class has the tism, but accordingto the teacher he has his own little crew now, Yes. When he Is evaluated will the put a referral in for a speach therapist?, FoCO is very much up and coming, I’d assume their school district reflects that! We’re in Adams county hopefully moving back to Denver within the next few months., Excellent, At ehat age did your child start to speak? I'm wondering if preschool will give him that push, That's so good to hear. Do you remember what age he started to be verbal?, If he needs speech therapy they will put in the referral for sure! Getting him into a welcoming school program with other kids will help too. The big thing to focus on is that speech is one in a million forms of communication so be sure to focus on other methods in the meantime. It can help you feel less worried about what your son is thinking and needing and it will give him control and independence. Sign language and tablets are both good options! Visual boards can also really help., You should also be able to get a referral for speech therapy from your sons pediatrician. We got referrals for speech and ot before diagnosis. You might have to request them., We like Denver also but money for house stretches further in FoCO. Looking at Bacon Elementary and Windsor Housing Community. $750K but awesome homes and services, Preschool was helpful for us too, once we found the right one. This is a little confusing to answer because my kid began saying words around a typical point, but even now his speech is somewhat limited. He’s 7 and he can identify things very easily, but conversational speech is hard. He mainly speaks to request things or to identify things he’s excited about., I feel that. We moved from Denver to Bennett (far east) worst decision of our lives. Luckily the market seems to be shifting at the moment. Keep in mind Denver as a county is very very big! I wish I could afford to live in Highlands Ranch they have great services. We commute there for our therapies., We will be moving from Ky so services have to be an upgrade over here. We luckily have full time ABA/Speech but have a Level 3 LO who is almost 3., We’ve never done ABA. No one told me about it…. We are just doing the special Ed preschool and speech. It’s going fine, Us. I’m an early intervention specialist and have an autistic daughter. ABA is not for everyone but good practitioners with a strong concept of play-based learning and neurodiversity-affirming care practices can and do certainly make a positive difference for some people. That quality of care can be hard to find. The thing that people don’t really understand is that ABA is just addressing one thing: behavior. But, all behavior is communication. If my child has behavioral issues there are multiple paths I pursue before ABA crosses my mind. The power of observation is a huge one. I would spend time observing her, checking that the environment is suited to her needs and interests, ensuring that she is safe, healthy, and that sleep is in order. If improvements to the natural environment and my personal involvement in her daily routine weren’t helping, I would start to consider other needs: Is she able to easily communicate with me? Does she have the tools and skills to do things independently that she wants to do? How do I give her access to that? Speech, OT, play-based therapy, social stories are all options. Putting your kiddo in ABA if they are having behavioral issues that have been thoroughly investigated and don’t have another underlying cause, or if they have behaviors that can physically harm themselves or others, makes sense and is a totally reasonable thing to do! But, I’m not gathering from the way that you’ve worded this that you’re at your up to your neck in unmanageable behaviors. Consider ABA if the time comes that you need it. But, also consider the immense value of time with peers, therapies that focus on the whole child, and time spend simply enjoying their interests. The right preschool is a great choice. If you can find a school rooted in Reggio Emilia philosophies or find a whole-child centered program for children with disabilities, both would be great options. As well as many, many other school settings!, I have no plans to use ABA, the quality of therapy varies tremendously and I just don't feel we need it. OT and speech are enough., We did ABA for 4 months and saw lots of independence lost. Since stopping my son is now talking and is interested in being social. He’s 4.5 starting school next year. For now we’re doing therapy groups for speech and feeding., I opted out of ABA and we’re instead doing school and private therapy that isn’t ABA., We never started ABA. We started getting speech and OT through early intervention from around 20 months until he aged out of EI at 3. After that he transitioned into the Pre-K program and he's been getting his services at school since then. He's 5 1/2 now. I'm not anti-ABA or anything like that, it seems like something that has value in certain circumstances. For us it just never really felt like a fit, for a variety of reasons. School takes a lot out of my son. He loves it and he's progressed like crazy, but it's really exhausting for him. He's in the extended day program now so he's at school from like 8AM-2PM, Monday-Thursday. Adding more stuff on top of that just doesn't seem reasonable. We want to let our kid be a kid and have time to play and chill after school. I don't want him to be "working" 40 hours a week or whatever at 5 years old. We've been trying to mix in an additional OT for feeding therapy once a week and even that's been a challenge because he just doesn't have the energy for more than what he's already doing. That said, he doesn't have any real "behavioral" problems that we need to address. If he was harming himself or others, for example, we would probably reconsider ABA as an option. But the turnover and time commitment are just too much for us right now. If there's ever a need in the future, we'd consider it, but for now we're good where we are., Nope we use ABA in place of our LO’s Pre-School & have had a great experience. Went from Non-Verbal to Pre-Verbal with 13 words and some functional ASL. No longer gets stressed during transitional periods and is heavily engaged. Our LO is only 3 but we will do 3 more full-time years of ABA/Speech as we like the 1 on 1 para-professional approach. We will move to Colorado in a few years to make sure he has access to a better school district when the time comes., I tried ABA for 6months and saw too much aggression. I stopped services in December and have seen improvement and less aggression. There were good things too she learned ABCs with her therapist but the aggressive outburts was to much on me. She receives a form of ABA in school and shes been doing great. Trust yourself. Someone told me that, I have no regrets., So we have done ABA and I just want to give you some peace of mind that this therapy isn't a silver bullet. Our daughter has been in ABA since 3 on through 5 years of age and I'm glad she's getting the extra help but it hasn't wildly changed her trajectory or progress. We still have a child who struggles to communicate and socialize just like we had before ABA. I wouldn't give up on trying to get services but I also wouldn't feel like you are missing this opportunity to totally change his life. Because ABA has definitely not been that at least in our experience., We chose not to go with ABA. In its basic form it is behavioral therapy applied to a neuro-type. Being autistic isn’t a behavior. This was one of the biggest reasons we chose not to. I also didn’t like the compliance aspect of it and especially didn’t like what felt like anti stimming agenda. We’ve done some speech therapy and it privately where we could manage. My son was diagnosed at 2 he is now 4 and has acquired more language and the ability to show us what he wants. Side note when you say copies what you say that reminds me of my son. You should check out gestalt language processing. You might find it helpful :), I called around and everywhere wants us to do 30-40 hrs a week (!!) of ABA or not at all. They straight up tell you that's the only way it's financially viable for them. We will stick with speech, OT, and neurodiverse affirming preschool., I feel like there’s a huge range of experiences with ABA, you’d really have to actually visit the specific center and talk to the people who work there to get a feel for how they run things. We were really happy with who we used, combination of ABA and developmental preschool with other therapies. She’s 6 now and attending regular kindergarten and thriving. We visited multiple other places that were definitely sketchy and not who we’d trust her with though., We tried for as long as possible... but our son isnt progressing and behavioral issues are becoming worse. He's getting his ABA assessment for how many hours allotted soon - I think we'll try this summer to see how it goes (we need a summer child care solution anyway), Us! My son is in a full day preschool through our public school system. He’s in a blended class so half the students have IEPs and half are typically developing. He receives speech at school and we also do ST & OT after school., My son goes to school. He gets speech therapy. He’s using sentences now. He does not really have a lot of bad behaviors or severe stims. We like his personality ( He is such a happy kid.) ABA is not for us., We would have tried it but by the time I was able to get his diagnosis covid hit so we were never able to enroll him due to in person restrictions. And now he is too old and his Dev Ped no longer recommends it. I regret we weren't able to try it when he was younger as I will never really know if it would have helped move him even further along than he is now. However, he has done well with just the other supportive therapies such as speech, OT, psychology, and horse therapy. His Dev Ped said it may have got him to this point a little more quickly but that she did not think it would have moved him any further along. She thought we did a great job without the ABA., Our speech and OT were trained in Early Start Denver Model and J.A.S.P.E.R. Worked great for us. There is also floor time and RDI. Definitely doesn’t have to be ABA., Currently almost 3 and opted not to pursue ABA and just stick with Speech, OT, and PT with school for right now. We just didn’t feel like ABA was the right fit for our daughter. We said we’d reconsider if we didn’t feel like what we were doing was working. Ours struggles most with social skills and it seemed like the best place to work on that was in group settings., ABA is frowned upon where I live. We did have speech therapy, but it did nothing but frustrate him. He just wasn't ready, and no therapy in the world would've helped him. When he eventually started talking, he went from 0 to 100 real fast. He's going to a special needs school, and he is doing great 😊, I’ve done both outpatient and school therapy for my kid, and I’d encourage anyone who could do both to do both. Both were filled with people who wanted the best for my child. But at the outpatient I got an immediate update about my child’s progress and could ask questions directly about observed behavior. At school therapy, I have no idea how they prompt nor do I know how day to day progress is going. And there’s only therapy through the school as long as school is in session., We tried ABA and no positive experiences whatsoever., We do school and ABA. Public school provides speech and OT services but it’s so minimal I don’t know how effective it is at 30mins once a week. The ABA has been so great and not even just for behavior but they teach him self help skills so he can take care of his own needs. We are about to graduate out of ABA and I will look into speech services outside of the school district. My son is turning 9 this year and he’s been in services since he was 2. Hope this helps!, We are trying this along with PT and speech therapy. The ABA we got was too time consuming for us, exhausted my kid (3 yo), and they didn't do anything. We kept getting new people and they just kept trying to play and interact and always seemed to start from square 1. After a several weeks of this (4 times a week 4 hours a day) we decided we couldn't sustain it and didn't seem to be doing anything so we ended it. I have no thoughts on ABA just that provider wasn't for us, My son is Level 2 and we just do OT at school (Kindergarten). Once they are in school full time I’m not even sure how you’d also do ABA., We haven’t been able to find an ABA provider for any of our kids. The oldest gets Speech and OT at school with assistance from paras that come in the classroom. He also gets pulled out for breaks. He would have benefitted from more therapies when he was younger but it took forever to get anyone to take us seriously that something wasn’t right. We were told he couldn’t come back to a private preschool 30 minutes after he got there. ADHD diagnosis was easy to get with the family history. It took until he was 6 to get an ASD diagnosis. He’s in 3rd grade now. The middle hardly needs any accommodations right now and doesn’t qualify for therapies at school. When he first started a 2 year old program, he was diagnosed with a speech delay and had speech at daycare. Then he went into a special education IPK classroom. He did amazing in there. He outperformed all the other kids in VPK and had his own curriculum. We got an ADHD diagnosis for him. The first few weeks of kindergarten all the negative behaviors came out. He was finally kicked out of that school (he was on a waiver). We got a ASD diagnosis on him. He’s had a few challenges but is doing great in 1st grade. The youngest goes to Speech and OT twice a week. She was diagnosed with speech delay, a language disorder, and ASD shortly after turning 2. She’s is in a 2 hour a day pre IPK program in the afternoons that is run similarly to the therapies we take her to. She gets 30 minutes of language therapy once a week during the program. She’s 3 now., We have been on the ABA wait-list for almost a year. At this point, I don't think we need it. He is making amazing progress between school, OT, speech therapy and music therapy. I don't think adding 20 hours of ABA would do more than burn him out., We've done Speech therapy (doing both private and through the public school), DD Pre-k, and Mothers Day Out. We did an OT evaluation, but they signed off on him after his evaluation., We didn’t choose to, but we had a short time where my son only had preschool and no aba. Everyone told me how special needs preschool was the best thing ever and aba was horrible, but it’s been the opposite for us. I don’t feel he was appropriately helped at preschool and he would scream and cry every morning on the way there (when he’s usually very happy), meanwhile he’d go running into the aba office smiling. We ended up dropping preschool and just doing aba and he loves it so far and is doing pretty well., School has been so incredible for my son. So so good., We were late to the party on getting him diagnosed. He's officially diagnosed now but before that we got him registered for public school for a month of spec pre k in order to get him IEP tested last yr because he was still on wait lists for speech and OT. He's now in speech and OT both inside school and outside school, so doubled up kind of. In a really good spec kindergarten class too. At diagnosis they told us we could get a referral for aba but wait lists suck in my area and after talking to his out of school speech and OT ppls we decided it would be too much for him since he's progressing really well with what we already have him in. He's very routine oriented and aba would just be working on eye contact which we don't care about, and subjecting him to more routines which would likely not be good for his anxiety. He has some quirks but he's not aggressive so we aren't concerned with behavior. I've heard some great things about aba and if we didn't manage to get him potty trained I would consider it just for that aspect. We are lucky to have the team we do for him. I really think it depends on the aba program, and the kid themselves if it would be helpful. All our kids are different so it's really subjective to each situation., When our daughter was diagnosed I asked her doctor about ABA and the look on her face said everything (it was the same look a doctor once gave me when I asked about using a bleach bath for my eczema). We started speech at 2.5yrs and it's been really slow going but at about 4.5 she really started to take off with functional language and now at 5 she is becoming conversational. OT has probably been the most life changing support. It has really stretched our daughter to be more flexible and resilient. Recently we noticed that she was struggling to initiate/maintain play with peers at preschool so now we have another OT going to her preschool to help her with this and it's making an absolutely massive difference. She's got friends now., My daughter didn’t have terrible behaviors, but does elope and ABA has worked wonders. Also, ABA improved her functional communication more than speech ever did. ABA also is how we got her potty trained. It’s been a lifesaver, honestly, We didn’t do ABA. Our services have included speech, OT, and DIR Floortime. We also did ESDM when he was younger (which I guess some may consider a form of ABA?) but not now. I think it makes sense to look at the specific needs of your child rather than feeling like you have to do a specific set of things just because they’re autistic. I get a little frustrated by the pressure to do as much therapy as possible — and the specific pressure to do ABA, especially considering how many hours people are recommended for., Everyone is different and is in a different situation. Some may need more intervention then others. For my kid. I did not do ABA for my kid. I am a Autistic Adult and me and my son struggle in very similar ways (Why I went for a assessment in the first place). So I am able to better help him though his struggles. So far it has turned out really well., I was pretty much told that ABA would be overkill for my son. They gave us a diagnosis but didn’t bother to give us any direction on how to help him., ABA is just intensive training and it's only been commonly practiced since insurance companies started paying for it after Obama Care legislation was passed in the late 2010's. My twins were too old to benefit, I used mostly floor play when they were toddlers and focused on getting the best IEP services and accommodations we could. I found after school therapist led activities we paid for. In my area there's a place The Judson Center and they had therapist led game nights, yoga and homework, sports leagues, art classes, movie parties. They both did well in school, one finished college, but they still struggle with things, IDK if ABA would have changed them much. I like them quirky and "different", Even though 40 hours per week of ABA was recommended to us, we never went that route. We declined what the public school offered. We started 30 minutes of weekly speech therapy and 60 minutes of weekly occupational therapy, both private, the week of his 3rd birthday (he was assessed & diagnosed a few weeks later). He was re-assessed every 12 weeks by the therapists, for insurance and goals. When he started, he had the speech of a child aged 22 to 26 months. Within a year, his speech was that of an average 4 year old- he turned 4 that same week. His occupational therapy addressed all of the concerns we had, providing us with the tools needed to help him, so that was done within a year too. Between illnesses for us and his therapists, he had probably 44 or so sessions in the 52 week time frame., My kid was not diagnosed in time for the vast majority of ABA clinics to even take them and anyone they've seen since pretty much unanimously thinks it's a bad idea for them., We've done speech, feeding, and occupational therapy alongside public preschool and now elementary school (finishing up 2nd grade). He's just now getting back into private OT as it took a little longer to get things set up after a move and change in insurance. His vocabulary, diet, confidence, and social sklils are light years from where they were at 3. In the end, it comes down to how good/bad your school district is and how well the preschool/PreK/Kindergarten placement they have works for him. The school district we were in when my eldest was diagnosed could not provide the appropriate services for him (as employees there told us). The two we've been in since then have been fantastic and provided more support than we would have received in our initial state. Good luck., ABA helped us so much, this was when my son was having huge tantrums and was aggressive. He was only 2 though but man… Those weeks were ROUGH. they help with behavior and help with “commands” and focus. I think it helped my son. However, I will say that not all therapists are the same… there was only two that I felt like were the reason for the improvements. The others were meh., We tried ABA for 3 weeks and hated it so we stopped. My child is just in a structured class and we do occupational and speech therapy privately. I actually like that my child has therapy outside of the home. I feel like I can’t be myself and relax when there are people over. My child is doing great!! The structure of school is very helpful. She started talking (single words) too!, We dropped ABA about 4 years ago. He was doing okay, but we've seen a need for it and are about to start again., We didn't do ABA. We did SLT, OT, PT, and social skills classes. He's in an autism classroom and has been since grade 1. He started speech/language therapy when he was 3, OT and PT when he was 5. We've been working in social skills classes when they're available. He's currently in 2. Edit to add: He also sees a therapist but that started in the past year. He's 10 now., Yes! We do speech twice weekly (with a GLP trained therapist), OT once a week, and we'll probably add in PT. He's been going to a traditional preschool and has been doing well (he just turned 5 today!). He's had these spurts of development in his speech, social skills, motor skills, etc - but we've always kept things low demand and low pressure anyway. He's not at the same level of oral communication as others his age, but he communicates in a ton of ways! I wouldn't change anything about how we've approached things., There seems to be a wide range of experiences with ABA. We are doing it at home because that's all our insurance will cover besides OT, speech is presently out of pocket. My daughter loves the ABA therapists; she doesn't want them to leave. They are creative and engaging and they work with her other therapists. But I know it's not the right choice for every child. We will be moving to another state soon and I hope I can recreate the same experience for her there., We won’t do ABA. My daughter is in kinder and gets OT, speech and a special ed teacher for reading instruction., I live in australia and as far as I’m aware, ABA doesn’t exist here. We do speech & OT. Currently looking into behaviour therapy as an option but the general consensus is that OT addresses behaviour too so we’re not sure if it’ll be any benefit. I was also told the behaviour therapy offered here is more so for parents/caregivers on ways to cope, Our son is getting the care he needs in ecse, no one is really seeing the need for aba at this time, That's great. He has no severe behavior problems. Just trouble with speach. I'm thinking school and therapy a couple times a week should be enough?, Thank you so much for your insight! He is definitely manageable happy go lucky lil guy. Only gets Mads when he doesn't get what he wants which u consider normal toddler stuff. He is going to be starting integrated preschool soon with half ND and half NT. He absolutely loved the visit and the teachers (st and ot) seemed fabulous. I'm just confused with the meaning of aba I guess. Is it for speach delay or behavior problems? Or both?, Thank you for this comment. We tried ABA but our tech was not a good fit, and I wasn't sure I wanted to do it in the first place. You were able to put into words why I want to try other options first. I appreciate you verbalizing it this way. ♥️, That's how I feel. Is aba just when their behavior is out of control? My son doesn't really have behavior problems just speach and sensory, How is it going?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Colorado mom here! please stay far far away from Aurora Public Schools for IEPS or any extra support for your child. We have had a few family members mistreated and their care plans not followed properly., I'm not sure how well it will work for child care. My 6 year old is in ABA right now and he's only there for about 4 hours a day, 4 days a week and we have to provide our own transport to get him there and back. If I wasn't a stay-at-home dad, we wouldn't even be able to have him in ABA at all. Of course you may be able to work with them to figure out something that would work but I wouldn't count on it as a solution., How is it working for him? Has he developed speach?, How has their speach come along so far and at what age did it start to take off?, That's good to know. Definitely need help with his listening when we go outside and potty training, The hours sound like a full time job foe a toddler, Amazing. Is he speaking yet?, What is ecse?, I’m seeing improvement with just that system. We haven’t had much in the realm of therapy. I’m sure things could evolve faster with more but my girl seems to be doing well. I bet your boy can too ❤️ we had minimal behavioral issues. It’s mainly speech that’s a problem. I’ve been told many times once that catches up we will be in a much better spot developmentally, ABA stands for “applied behavior analysis” and is a therapy designed specifically to target undesired behaviors and train preferred behaviors. It doesn’t focus on speech or any other of a number of useful skills and necessary areas of child development. It absolutely has its use, but it’s not a cure for anything and unfortunately I think it often gets pointed to as the ultimate solution., ABA can help with behavior, routines, compliance. OT can help with a lot of that too though. And you don't want to over-do it with therapies either, it's exhausting! If you don't feel you or your child need the support, then there's no need in my opinion., I think the wording of “behavior is out of control” doesn’t describe every child that goes to ABA therapy. It doesn’t describe my child and he needs ABA therapy for many different reasons but “out of control behavior” isn’t one of them., Eh, school therapy isn’t my favorite bc our district is trash, private ot speech and pt are going well., He was similar at 3, some scripting and a handful of preferred words. He's what we call "semi-conversational" now, he's made a ton of progress and the majority of it happened over the last year or so, from around 4.5-5.5. He can communicate his needs if he's well regulated, and he's speaking constantly. Still some scripting mixed in but improvement literally every week at this point., We are looking at Ft Collins with Poudre School District, He can count to 10 forwards and backwards! He can name every character from Mickey Mouse. All the animals in the back of the Brown Bear book. He’s honestly thrived with the routine that comes with school. Come in, put your book bag and coat up, wash hands, meals, story time. Etc. He’s still a very independent player. Not very interested in what the other kids are doing. He has developed relationships with the teachers though. He will cuddle with them, lead them to what he wants which is his preferred method of communication., The oldest never had an issue talking. His issue is advocating for himself. The middle talked at home but not at school. He is hyper verbal now. The youngest isn’t considered nonverbal anymore. She consistently says some words, she makes more eye contact, has more ways of communicating, and doesn’t get as frustrated when trying to communicate. She still has a long way to go but I’m convinced she will talk., ABA gets a bad wrap, and truthfully a lot is kind of shit. We researched several clinics before deciding on which we’d send our now 3 year old to. She started in August and could speak many words, but had ZERO functional communication. She now speaks in full sentences and can “I want” “give me” “I need”, we did a year of speech before and never saw the progress we did with ABA. She still does speech and OT. Anyway, we are moving her to a regular preschool this fall, and will have her ABA therapists work with her in that setting., I really value down time for my kid, especially now that he’s in school., Yes, he’s fully verbal. His struggles are social and what to say to peers., Early Childhood Special Education, here in Michigan, you can get in as early as 3 yo just on speech delay. so only a portion of his class has the tism, but accordingto the teacher he has his own little crew now, Yes. When he Is evaluated will the put a referral in for a speach therapist?, FoCO is very much up and coming, I’d assume their school district reflects that! We’re in Adams county hopefully moving back to Denver within the next few months., Excellent, At ehat age did your child start to speak? I'm wondering if preschool will give him that push, That's so good to hear. Do you remember what age he started to be verbal?, If he needs speech therapy they will put in the referral for sure! Getting him into a welcoming school program with other kids will help too. The big thing to focus on is that speech is one in a million forms of communication so be sure to focus on other methods in the meantime. It can help you feel less worried about what your son is thinking and needing and it will give him control and independence. Sign language and tablets are both good options! Visual boards can also really help., You should also be able to get a referral for speech therapy from your sons pediatrician. We got referrals for speech and ot before diagnosis. You might have to request them., We like Denver also but money for house stretches further in FoCO. Looking at Bacon Elementary and Windsor Housing Community. $750K but awesome homes and services, Preschool was helpful for us too, once we found the right one. This is a little confusing to answer because my kid began saying words around a typical point, but even now his speech is somewhat limited. He’s 7 and he can identify things very easily, but conversational speech is hard. He mainly speaks to request things or to identify things he’s excited about., I feel that. We moved from Denver to Bennett (far east) worst decision of our lives. Luckily the market seems to be shifting at the moment. Keep in mind Denver as a county is very very big! I wish I could afford to live in Highlands Ranch they have great services. We commute there for our therapies., We will be moving from Ky so services have to be an upgrade over here. We luckily have full time ABA/Speech but have a Level 3 LO who is almost 3., We’ve never done ABA. No one told me about it…. We are just doing the special Ed preschool and speech. It’s going fine, Us. I’m an early intervention specialist and have an autistic daughter. ABA is not for everyone but good practitioners with a strong concept of play-based learning and neurodiversity-affirming care practices can and do certainly make a positive difference for some people. That quality of care can be hard to find. The thing that people don’t really understand is that ABA is just addressing one thing: behavior. But, all behavior is communication. If my child has behavioral issues there are multiple paths I pursue before ABA crosses my mind. The power of observation is a huge one. I would spend time observing her, checking that the environment is suited to her needs and interests, ensuring that she is safe, healthy, and that sleep is in order. If improvements to the natural environment and my personal involvement in her daily routine weren’t helping, I would start to consider other needs: Is she able to easily communicate with me? Does she have the tools and skills to do things independently that she wants to do? How do I give her access to that? Speech, OT, play-based therapy, social stories are all options. Putting your kiddo in ABA if they are having behavioral issues that have been thoroughly investigated and don’t have another underlying cause, or if they have behaviors that can physically harm themselves or others, makes sense and is a totally reasonable thing to do! But, I’m not gathering from the way that you’ve worded this that you’re at your up to your neck in unmanageable behaviors. Consider ABA if the time comes that you need it. But, also consider the immense value of time with peers, therapies that focus on the whole child, and time spend simply enjoying their interests. The right preschool is a great choice. If you can find a school rooted in Reggio Emilia philosophies or find a whole-child centered program for children with disabilities, both would be great options. As well as many, many other school settings!, I have no plans to use ABA, the quality of therapy varies tremendously and I just don't feel we need it. OT and speech are enough., We did ABA for 4 months and saw lots of independence lost. Since stopping my son is now talking and is interested in being social. He’s 4.5 starting school next year. For now we’re doing therapy groups for speech and feeding., I opted out of ABA and we’re instead doing school and private therapy that isn’t ABA., We never started ABA. We started getting speech and OT through early intervention from around 20 months until he aged out of EI at 3. After that he transitioned into the Pre-K program and he's been getting his services at school since then. He's 5 1/2 now. I'm not anti-ABA or anything like that, it seems like something that has value in certain circumstances. For us it just never really felt like a fit, for a variety of reasons. School takes a lot out of my son. He loves it and he's progressed like crazy, but it's really exhausting for him. He's in the extended day program now so he's at school from like 8AM-2PM, Monday-Thursday. Adding more stuff on top of that just doesn't seem reasonable. We want to let our kid be a kid and have time to play and chill after school. I don't want him to be "working" 40 hours a week or whatever at 5 years old. We've been trying to mix in an additional OT for feeding therapy once a week and even that's been a challenge because he just doesn't have the energy for more than what he's already doing. That said, he doesn't have any real "behavioral" problems that we need to address. If he was harming himself or others, for example, we would probably reconsider ABA as an option. But the turnover and time commitment are just too much for us right now. If there's ever a need in the future, we'd consider it, but for now we're good where we are., Nope we use ABA in place of our LO’s Pre-School & have had a great experience. Went from Non-Verbal to Pre-Verbal with 13 words and some functional ASL. No longer gets stressed during transitional periods and is heavily engaged. Our LO is only 3 but we will do 3 more full-time years of ABA/Speech as we like the 1 on 1 para-professional approach. We will move to Colorado in a few years to make sure he has access to a better school district when the time comes., I tried ABA for 6months and saw too much aggression. I stopped services in December and have seen improvement and less aggression. There were good things too she learned ABCs with her therapist but the aggressive outburts was to much on me. She receives a form of ABA in school and shes been doing great. Trust yourself. Someone told me that, I have no regrets., So we have done ABA and I just want to give you some peace of mind that this therapy isn't a silver bullet. Our daughter has been in ABA since 3 on through 5 years of age and I'm glad she's getting the extra help but it hasn't wildly changed her trajectory or progress. We still have a child who struggles to communicate and socialize just like we had before ABA. I wouldn't give up on trying to get services but I also wouldn't feel like you are missing this opportunity to totally change his life. Because ABA has definitely not been that at least in our experience., We chose not to go with ABA. In its basic form it is behavioral therapy applied to a neuro-type. Being autistic isn’t a behavior. This was one of the biggest reasons we chose not to. I also didn’t like the compliance aspect of it and especially didn’t like what felt like anti stimming agenda. We’ve done some speech therapy and it privately where we could manage. My son was diagnosed at 2 he is now 4 and has acquired more language and the ability to show us what he wants. Side note when you say copies what you say that reminds me of my son. You should check out gestalt language processing. You might find it helpful :), I called around and everywhere wants us to do 30-40 hrs a week (!!) of ABA or not at all. They straight up tell you that's the only way it's financially viable for them. We will stick with speech, OT, and neurodiverse affirming preschool., I feel like there’s a huge range of experiences with ABA, you’d really have to actually visit the specific center and talk to the people who work there to get a feel for how they run things. We were really happy with who we used, combination of ABA and developmental preschool with other therapies. She’s 6 now and attending regular kindergarten and thriving. We visited multiple other places that were definitely sketchy and not who we’d trust her with though., We tried for as long as possible... but our son isnt progressing and behavioral issues are becoming worse. He's getting his ABA assessment for how many hours allotted soon - I think we'll try this summer to see how it goes (we need a summer child care solution anyway), Us! My son is in a full day preschool through our public school system. He’s in a blended class so half the students have IEPs and half are typically developing. He receives speech at school and we also do ST & OT after school., My son goes to school. He gets speech therapy. He’s using sentences now. He does not really have a lot of bad behaviors or severe stims. We like his personality ( He is such a happy kid.) ABA is not for us., We would have tried it but by the time I was able to get his diagnosis covid hit so we were never able to enroll him due to in person restrictions. And now he is too old and his Dev Ped no longer recommends it. I regret we weren't able to try it when he was younger as I will never really know if it would have helped move him even further along than he is now. However, he has done well with just the other supportive therapies such as speech, OT, psychology, and horse therapy. His Dev Ped said it may have got him to this point a little more quickly but that she did not think it would have moved him any further along. She thought we did a great job without the ABA., Our speech and OT were trained in Early Start Denver Model and J.A.S.P.E.R. Worked great for us. There is also floor time and RDI. Definitely doesn’t have to be ABA., Currently almost 3 and opted not to pursue ABA and just stick with Speech, OT, and PT with school for right now. We just didn’t feel like ABA was the right fit for our daughter. We said we’d reconsider if we didn’t feel like what we were doing was working. Ours struggles most with social skills and it seemed like the best place to work on that was in group settings., ABA is frowned upon where I live. We did have speech therapy, but it did nothing but frustrate him. He just wasn't ready, and no therapy in the world would've helped him. When he eventually started talking, he went from 0 to 100 real fast. He's going to a special needs school, and he is doing great 😊, I’ve done both outpatient and school therapy for my kid, and I’d encourage anyone who could do both to do both. Both were filled with people who wanted the best for my child. But at the outpatient I got an immediate update about my child’s progress and could ask questions directly about observed behavior. At school therapy, I have no idea how they prompt nor do I know how day to day progress is going. And there’s only therapy through the school as long as school is in session., We tried ABA and no positive experiences whatsoever., We do school and ABA. Public school provides speech and OT services but it’s so minimal I don’t know how effective it is at 30mins once a week. The ABA has been so great and not even just for behavior but they teach him self help skills so he can take care of his own needs. We are about to graduate out of ABA and I will look into speech services outside of the school district. My son is turning 9 this year and he’s been in services since he was 2. Hope this helps!, We are trying this along with PT and speech therapy. The ABA we got was too time consuming for us, exhausted my kid (3 yo), and they didn't do anything. We kept getting new people and they just kept trying to play and interact and always seemed to start from square 1. After a several weeks of this (4 times a week 4 hours a day) we decided we couldn't sustain it and didn't seem to be doing anything so we ended it. I have no thoughts on ABA just that provider wasn't for us, My son is Level 2 and we just do OT at school (Kindergarten). Once they are in school full time I’m not even sure how you’d also do ABA., We haven’t been able to find an ABA provider for any of our kids. The oldest gets Speech and OT at school with assistance from paras that come in the classroom. He also gets pulled out for breaks. He would have benefitted from more therapies when he was younger but it took forever to get anyone to take us seriously that something wasn’t right. We were told he couldn’t come back to a private preschool 30 minutes after he got there. ADHD diagnosis was easy to get with the family history. It took until he was 6 to get an ASD diagnosis. He’s in 3rd grade now. The middle hardly needs any accommodations right now and doesn’t qualify for therapies at school. When he first started a 2 year old program, he was diagnosed with a speech delay and had speech at daycare. Then he went into a special education IPK classroom. He did amazing in there. He outperformed all the other kids in VPK and had his own curriculum. We got an ADHD diagnosis for him. The first few weeks of kindergarten all the negative behaviors came out. He was finally kicked out of that school (he was on a waiver). We got a ASD diagnosis on him. He’s had a few challenges but is doing great in 1st grade. The youngest goes to Speech and OT twice a week. She was diagnosed with speech delay, a language disorder, and ASD shortly after turning 2. She’s is in a 2 hour a day pre IPK program in the afternoons that is run similarly to the therapies we take her to. She gets 30 minutes of language therapy once a week during the program. She’s 3 now., We have been on the ABA wait-list for almost a year. At this point, I don't think we need it. He is making amazing progress between school, OT, speech therapy and music therapy. I don't think adding 20 hours of ABA would do more than burn him out., We've done Speech therapy (doing both private and through the public school), DD Pre-k, and Mothers Day Out. We did an OT evaluation, but they signed off on him after his evaluation., We didn’t choose to, but we had a short time where my son only had preschool and no aba. Everyone told me how special needs preschool was the best thing ever and aba was horrible, but it’s been the opposite for us. I don’t feel he was appropriately helped at preschool and he would scream and cry every morning on the way there (when he’s usually very happy), meanwhile he’d go running into the aba office smiling. We ended up dropping preschool and just doing aba and he loves it so far and is doing pretty well., School has been so incredible for my son. So so good., We were late to the party on getting him diagnosed. He's officially diagnosed now but before that we got him registered for public school for a month of spec pre k in order to get him IEP tested last yr because he was still on wait lists for speech and OT. He's now in speech and OT both inside school and outside school, so doubled up kind of. In a really good spec kindergarten class too. At diagnosis they told us we could get a referral for aba but wait lists suck in my area and after talking to his out of school speech and OT ppls we decided it would be too much for him since he's progressing really well with what we already have him in. He's very routine oriented and aba would just be working on eye contact which we don't care about, and subjecting him to more routines which would likely not be good for his anxiety. He has some quirks but he's not aggressive so we aren't concerned with behavior. I've heard some great things about aba and if we didn't manage to get him potty trained I would consider it just for that aspect. We are lucky to have the team we do for him. I really think it depends on the aba program, and the kid themselves if it would be helpful. All our kids are different so it's really subjective to each situation., When our daughter was diagnosed I asked her doctor about ABA and the look on her face said everything (it was the same look a doctor once gave me when I asked about using a bleach bath for my eczema). We started speech at 2.5yrs and it's been really slow going but at about 4.5 she really started to take off with functional language and now at 5 she is becoming conversational. OT has probably been the most life changing support. It has really stretched our daughter to be more flexible and resilient. Recently we noticed that she was struggling to initiate/maintain play with peers at preschool so now we have another OT going to her preschool to help her with this and it's making an absolutely massive difference. She's got friends now., My daughter didn’t have terrible behaviors, but does elope and ABA has worked wonders. Also, ABA improved her functional communication more than speech ever did. ABA also is how we got her potty trained. It’s been a lifesaver, honestly, We didn’t do ABA. Our services have included speech, OT, and DIR Floortime. We also did ESDM when he was younger (which I guess some may consider a form of ABA?) but not now. I think it makes sense to look at the specific needs of your child rather than feeling like you have to do a specific set of things just because they’re autistic. I get a little frustrated by the pressure to do as much therapy as possible — and the specific pressure to do ABA, especially considering how many hours people are recommended for., Everyone is different and is in a different situation. Some may need more intervention then others. For my kid. I did not do ABA for my kid. I am a Autistic Adult and me and my son struggle in very similar ways (Why I went for a assessment in the first place). So I am able to better help him though his struggles. So far it has turned out really well., I was pretty much told that ABA would be overkill for my son. They gave us a diagnosis but didn’t bother to give us any direction on how to help him., ABA is just intensive training and it's only been commonly practiced since insurance companies started paying for it after Obama Care legislation was passed in the late 2010's. My twins were too old to benefit, I used mostly floor play when they were toddlers and focused on getting the best IEP services and accommodations we could. I found after school therapist led activities we paid for. In my area there's a place The Judson Center and they had therapist led game nights, yoga and homework, sports leagues, art classes, movie parties. They both did well in school, one finished college, but they still struggle with things, IDK if ABA would have changed them much. I like them quirky and "different", Even though 40 hours per week of ABA was recommended to us, we never went that route. We declined what the public school offered. We started 30 minutes of weekly speech therapy and 60 minutes of weekly occupational therapy, both private, the week of his 3rd birthday (he was assessed & diagnosed a few weeks later). He was re-assessed every 12 weeks by the therapists, for insurance and goals. When he started, he had the speech of a child aged 22 to 26 months. Within a year, his speech was that of an average 4 year old- he turned 4 that same week. His occupational therapy addressed all of the concerns we had, providing us with the tools needed to help him, so that was done within a year too. Between illnesses for us and his therapists, he had probably 44 or so sessions in the 52 week time frame., My kid was not diagnosed in time for the vast majority of ABA clinics to even take them and anyone they've seen since pretty much unanimously thinks it's a bad idea for them., We've done speech, feeding, and occupational therapy alongside public preschool and now elementary school (finishing up 2nd grade). He's just now getting back into private OT as it took a little longer to get things set up after a move and change in insurance. His vocabulary, diet, confidence, and social sklils are light years from where they were at 3. In the end, it comes down to how good/bad your school district is and how well the preschool/PreK/Kindergarten placement they have works for him. The school district we were in when my eldest was diagnosed could not provide the appropriate services for him (as employees there told us). The two we've been in since then have been fantastic and provided more support than we would have received in our initial state. Good luck., ABA helped us so much, this was when my son was having huge tantrums and was aggressive. He was only 2 though but man… Those weeks were ROUGH. they help with behavior and help with “commands” and focus. I think it helped my son. However, I will say that not all therapists are the same… there was only two that I felt like were the reason for the improvements. The others were meh., We tried ABA for 3 weeks and hated it so we stopped. My child is just in a structured class and we do occupational and speech therapy privately. I actually like that my child has therapy outside of the home. I feel like I can’t be myself and relax when there are people over. My child is doing great!! The structure of school is very helpful. She started talking (single words) too!, We dropped ABA about 4 years ago. He was doing okay, but we've seen a need for it and are about to start again., We didn't do ABA. We did SLT, OT, PT, and social skills classes. He's in an autism classroom and has been since grade 1. He started speech/language therapy when he was 3, OT and PT when he was 5. We've been working in social skills classes when they're available. He's currently in 2. Edit to add: He also sees a therapist but that started in the past year. He's 10 now., Yes! We do speech twice weekly (with a GLP trained therapist), OT once a week, and we'll probably add in PT. He's been going to a traditional preschool and has been doing well (he just turned 5 today!). He's had these spurts of development in his speech, social skills, motor skills, etc - but we've always kept things low demand and low pressure anyway. He's not at the same level of oral communication as others his age, but he communicates in a ton of ways! I wouldn't change anything about how we've approached things., There seems to be a wide range of experiences with ABA. We are doing it at home because that's all our insurance will cover besides OT, speech is presently out of pocket. My daughter loves the ABA therapists; she doesn't want them to leave. They are creative and engaging and they work with her other therapists. But I know it's not the right choice for every child. We will be moving to another state soon and I hope I can recreate the same experience for her there., We won’t do ABA. My daughter is in kinder and gets OT, speech and a special ed teacher for reading instruction., I live in australia and as far as I’m aware, ABA doesn’t exist here. We do speech & OT. Currently looking into behaviour therapy as an option but the general consensus is that OT addresses behaviour too so we’re not sure if it’ll be any benefit. I was also told the behaviour therapy offered here is more so for parents/caregivers on ways to cope, Our son is getting the care he needs in ecse, no one is really seeing the need for aba at this time, That's great. He has no severe behavior problems. Just trouble with speach. I'm thinking school and therapy a couple times a week should be enough?, Thank you so much for your insight! He is definitely manageable happy go lucky lil guy. Only gets Mads when he doesn't get what he wants which u consider normal toddler stuff. He is going to be starting integrated preschool soon with half ND and half NT. He absolutely loved the visit and the teachers (st and ot) seemed fabulous. I'm just confused with the meaning of aba I guess. Is it for speach delay or behavior problems? Or both?, Thank you for this comment. We tried ABA but our tech was not a good fit, and I wasn't sure I wanted to do it in the first place. You were able to put into words why I want to try other options first. I appreciate you verbalizing it this way. ♥️, That's how I feel. Is aba just when their behavior is out of control? My son doesn't really have behavior problems just speach and sensory, How is it going?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Colorado mom here! please stay far far away from Aurora Public Schools for IEPS or any extra support for your child. We have had a few family members mistreated and their care plans not followed properly., I'm not sure how well it will work for child care. My 6 year old is in ABA right now and he's only there for about 4 hours a day, 4 days a week and we have to provide our own transport to get him there and back. If I wasn't a stay-at-home dad, we wouldn't even be able to have him in ABA at all. Of course you may be able to work with them to figure out something that would work but I wouldn't count on it as a solution., How is it working for him? Has he developed speach?, How has their speach come along so far and at what age did it start to take off?, That's good to know. Definitely need help with his listening when we go outside and potty training, The hours sound like a full time job foe a toddler, Amazing. Is he speaking yet?, What is ecse?, I’m seeing improvement with just that system. We haven’t had much in the realm of therapy. I’m sure things could evolve faster with more but my girl seems to be doing well. I bet your boy can too ❤️ we had minimal behavioral issues. It’s mainly speech that’s a problem. I’ve been told many times once that catches up we will be in a much better spot developmentally, ABA stands for “applied behavior analysis” and is a therapy designed specifically to target undesired behaviors and train preferred behaviors. It doesn’t focus on speech or any other of a number of useful skills and necessary areas of child development. It absolutely has its use, but it’s not a cure for anything and unfortunately I think it often gets pointed to as the ultimate solution., ABA can help with behavior, routines, compliance. OT can help with a lot of that too though. And you don't want to over-do it with therapies either, it's exhausting! If you don't feel you or your child need the support, then there's no need in my opinion., I think the wording of “behavior is out of control” doesn’t describe every child that goes to ABA therapy. It doesn’t describe my child and he needs ABA therapy for many different reasons but “out of control behavior” isn’t one of them., Eh, school therapy isn’t my favorite bc our district is trash, private ot speech and pt are going well., He was similar at 3, some scripting and a handful of preferred words. He's what we call "semi-conversational" now, he's made a ton of progress and the majority of it happened over the last year or so, from around 4.5-5.5. He can communicate his needs if he's well regulated, and he's speaking constantly. Still some scripting mixed in but improvement literally every week at this point., We are looking at Ft Collins with Poudre School District, He can count to 10 forwards and backwards! He can name every character from Mickey Mouse. All the animals in the back of the Brown Bear book. He’s honestly thrived with the routine that comes with school. Come in, put your book bag and coat up, wash hands, meals, story time. Etc. He’s still a very independent player. Not very interested in what the other kids are doing. He has developed relationships with the teachers though. He will cuddle with them, lead them to what he wants which is his preferred method of communication., The oldest never had an issue talking. His issue is advocating for himself. The middle talked at home but not at school. He is hyper verbal now. The youngest isn’t considered nonverbal anymore. She consistently says some words, she makes more eye contact, has more ways of communicating, and doesn’t get as frustrated when trying to communicate. She still has a long way to go but I’m convinced she will talk., ABA gets a bad wrap, and truthfully a lot is kind of shit. We researched several clinics before deciding on which we’d send our now 3 year old to. She started in August and could speak many words, but had ZERO functional communication. She now speaks in full sentences and can “I want” “give me” “I need”, we did a year of speech before and never saw the progress we did with ABA. She still does speech and OT. Anyway, we are moving her to a regular preschool this fall, and will have her ABA therapists work with her in that setting., I really value down time for my kid, especially now that he’s in school., Yes, he’s fully verbal. His struggles are social and what to say to peers., Early Childhood Special Education, here in Michigan, you can get in as early as 3 yo just on speech delay. so only a portion of his class has the tism, but accordingto the teacher he has his own little crew now, Yes. When he Is evaluated will the put a referral in for a speach therapist?, FoCO is very much up and coming, I’d assume their school district reflects that! We’re in Adams county hopefully moving back to Denver within the next few months., Excellent, At ehat age did your child start to speak? I'm wondering if preschool will give him that push, That's so good to hear. Do you remember what age he started to be verbal?, If he needs speech therapy they will put in the referral for sure! Getting him into a welcoming school program with other kids will help too. The big thing to focus on is that speech is one in a million forms of communication so be sure to focus on other methods in the meantime. It can help you feel less worried about what your son is thinking and needing and it will give him control and independence. Sign language and tablets are both good options! Visual boards can also really help., You should also be able to get a referral for speech therapy from your sons pediatrician. We got referrals for speech and ot before diagnosis. You might have to request them., We like Denver also but money for house stretches further in FoCO. Looking at Bacon Elementary and Windsor Housing Community. $750K but awesome homes and services, Preschool was helpful for us too, once we found the right one. This is a little confusing to answer because my kid began saying words around a typical point, but even now his speech is somewhat limited. He’s 7 and he can identify things very easily, but conversational speech is hard. He mainly speaks to request things or to identify things he’s excited about., I feel that. We moved from Denver to Bennett (far east) worst decision of our lives. Luckily the market seems to be shifting at the moment. Keep in mind Denver as a county is very very big! I wish I could afford to live in Highlands Ranch they have great services. We commute there for our therapies., We will be moving from Ky so services have to be an upgrade over here. We luckily have full time ABA/Speech but have a Level 3 LO who is almost 3., We’ve never done ABA. No one told me about it…. We are just doing the special Ed preschool and speech. It’s going fine, Us. I’m an early intervention specialist and have an autistic daughter. ABA is not for everyone but good practitioners with a strong concept of play-based learning and neurodiversity-affirming care practices can and do certainly make a positive difference for some people. That quality of care can be hard to find. The thing that people don’t really understand is that ABA is just addressing one thing: behavior. But, all behavior is communication. If my child has behavioral issues there are multiple paths I pursue before ABA crosses my mind. The power of observation is a huge one. I would spend time observing her, checking that the environment is suited to her needs and interests, ensuring that she is safe, healthy, and that sleep is in order. If improvements to the natural environment and my personal involvement in her daily routine weren’t helping, I would start to consider other needs: Is she able to easily communicate with me? Does she have the tools and skills to do things independently that she wants to do? How do I give her access to that? Speech, OT, play-based therapy, social stories are all options. Putting your kiddo in ABA if they are having behavioral issues that have been thoroughly investigated and don’t have another underlying cause, or if they have behaviors that can physically harm themselves or others, makes sense and is a totally reasonable thing to do! But, I’m not gathering from the way that you’ve worded this that you’re at your up to your neck in unmanageable behaviors. Consider ABA if the time comes that you need it. But, also consider the immense value of time with peers, therapies that focus on the whole child, and time spend simply enjoying their interests. The right preschool is a great choice. If you can find a school rooted in Reggio Emilia philosophies or find a whole-child centered program for children with disabilities, both would be great options. As well as many, many other school settings!, I have no plans to use ABA, the quality of therapy varies tremendously and I just don't feel we need it. OT and speech are enough., We did ABA for 4 months and saw lots of independence lost. Since stopping my son is now talking and is interested in being social. He’s 4.5 starting school next year. For now we’re doing therapy groups for speech and feeding., I opted out of ABA and we’re instead doing school and private therapy that isn’t ABA., We never started ABA. We started getting speech and OT through early intervention from around 20 months until he aged out of EI at 3. After that he transitioned into the Pre-K program and he's been getting his services at school since then. He's 5 1/2 now. I'm not anti-ABA or anything like that, it seems like something that has value in certain circumstances. For us it just never really felt like a fit, for a variety of reasons. School takes a lot out of my son. He loves it and he's progressed like crazy, but it's really exhausting for him. He's in the extended day program now so he's at school from like 8AM-2PM, Monday-Thursday. Adding more stuff on top of that just doesn't seem reasonable. We want to let our kid be a kid and have time to play and chill after school. I don't want him to be "working" 40 hours a week or whatever at 5 years old. We've been trying to mix in an additional OT for feeding therapy once a week and even that's been a challenge because he just doesn't have the energy for more than what he's already doing. That said, he doesn't have any real "behavioral" problems that we need to address. If he was harming himself or others, for example, we would probably reconsider ABA as an option. But the turnover and time commitment are just too much for us right now. If there's ever a need in the future, we'd consider it, but for now we're good where we are., Nope we use ABA in place of our LO’s Pre-School & have had a great experience. Went from Non-Verbal to Pre-Verbal with 13 words and some functional ASL. No longer gets stressed during transitional periods and is heavily engaged. Our LO is only 3 but we will do 3 more full-time years of ABA/Speech as we like the 1 on 1 para-professional approach. We will move to Colorado in a few years to make sure he has access to a better school district when the time comes., I tried ABA for 6months and saw too much aggression. I stopped services in December and have seen improvement and less aggression. There were good things too she learned ABCs with her therapist but the aggressive outburts was to much on me. She receives a form of ABA in school and shes been doing great. Trust yourself. Someone told me that, I have no regrets., So we have done ABA and I just want to give you some peace of mind that this therapy isn't a silver bullet. Our daughter has been in ABA since 3 on through 5 years of age and I'm glad she's getting the extra help but it hasn't wildly changed her trajectory or progress. We still have a child who struggles to communicate and socialize just like we had before ABA. I wouldn't give up on trying to get services but I also wouldn't feel like you are missing this opportunity to totally change his life. Because ABA has definitely not been that at least in our experience., We chose not to go with ABA. In its basic form it is behavioral therapy applied to a neuro-type. Being autistic isn’t a behavior. This was one of the biggest reasons we chose not to. I also didn’t like the compliance aspect of it and especially didn’t like what felt like anti stimming agenda. We’ve done some speech therapy and it privately where we could manage. My son was diagnosed at 2 he is now 4 and has acquired more language and the ability to show us what he wants. Side note when you say copies what you say that reminds me of my son. You should check out gestalt language processing. You might find it helpful :), I called around and everywhere wants us to do 30-40 hrs a week (!!) of ABA or not at all. They straight up tell you that's the only way it's financially viable for them. We will stick with speech, OT, and neurodiverse affirming preschool., I feel like there’s a huge range of experiences with ABA, you’d really have to actually visit the specific center and talk to the people who work there to get a feel for how they run things. We were really happy with who we used, combination of ABA and developmental preschool with other therapies. She’s 6 now and attending regular kindergarten and thriving. We visited multiple other places that were definitely sketchy and not who we’d trust her with though., We tried for as long as possible... but our son isnt progressing and behavioral issues are becoming worse. He's getting his ABA assessment for how many hours allotted soon - I think we'll try this summer to see how it goes (we need a summer child care solution anyway), Us! My son is in a full day preschool through our public school system. He’s in a blended class so half the students have IEPs and half are typically developing. He receives speech at school and we also do ST & OT after school., My son goes to school. He gets speech therapy. He’s using sentences now. He does not really have a lot of bad behaviors or severe stims. We like his personality ( He is such a happy kid.) ABA is not for us., We would have tried it but by the time I was able to get his diagnosis covid hit so we were never able to enroll him due to in person restrictions. And now he is too old and his Dev Ped no longer recommends it. I regret we weren't able to try it when he was younger as I will never really know if it would have helped move him even further along than he is now. However, he has done well with just the other supportive therapies such as speech, OT, psychology, and horse therapy. His Dev Ped said it may have got him to this point a little more quickly but that she did not think it would have moved him any further along. She thought we did a great job without the ABA., Our speech and OT were trained in Early Start Denver Model and J.A.S.P.E.R. Worked great for us. There is also floor time and RDI. Definitely doesn’t have to be ABA., Currently almost 3 and opted not to pursue ABA and just stick with Speech, OT, and PT with school for right now. We just didn’t feel like ABA was the right fit for our daughter. We said we’d reconsider if we didn’t feel like what we were doing was working. Ours struggles most with social skills and it seemed like the best place to work on that was in group settings., ABA is frowned upon where I live. We did have speech therapy, but it did nothing but frustrate him. He just wasn't ready, and no therapy in the world would've helped him. When he eventually started talking, he went from 0 to 100 real fast. He's going to a special needs school, and he is doing great 😊, I’ve done both outpatient and school therapy for my kid, and I’d encourage anyone who could do both to do both. Both were filled with people who wanted the best for my child. But at the outpatient I got an immediate update about my child’s progress and could ask questions directly about observed behavior. At school therapy, I have no idea how they prompt nor do I know how day to day progress is going. And there’s only therapy through the school as long as school is in session., We tried ABA and no positive experiences whatsoever., We do school and ABA. Public school provides speech and OT services but it’s so minimal I don’t know how effective it is at 30mins once a week. The ABA has been so great and not even just for behavior but they teach him self help skills so he can take care of his own needs. We are about to graduate out of ABA and I will look into speech services outside of the school district. My son is turning 9 this year and he’s been in services since he was 2. Hope this helps!, We are trying this along with PT and speech therapy. The ABA we got was too time consuming for us, exhausted my kid (3 yo), and they didn't do anything. We kept getting new people and they just kept trying to play and interact and always seemed to start from square 1. After a several weeks of this (4 times a week 4 hours a day) we decided we couldn't sustain it and didn't seem to be doing anything so we ended it. I have no thoughts on ABA just that provider wasn't for us, My son is Level 2 and we just do OT at school (Kindergarten). Once they are in school full time I’m not even sure how you’d also do ABA., We haven’t been able to find an ABA provider for any of our kids. The oldest gets Speech and OT at school with assistance from paras that come in the classroom. He also gets pulled out for breaks. He would have benefitted from more therapies when he was younger but it took forever to get anyone to take us seriously that something wasn’t right. We were told he couldn’t come back to a private preschool 30 minutes after he got there. ADHD diagnosis was easy to get with the family history. It took until he was 6 to get an ASD diagnosis. He’s in 3rd grade now. The middle hardly needs any accommodations right now and doesn’t qualify for therapies at school. When he first started a 2 year old program, he was diagnosed with a speech delay and had speech at daycare. Then he went into a special education IPK classroom. He did amazing in there. He outperformed all the other kids in VPK and had his own curriculum. We got an ADHD diagnosis for him. The first few weeks of kindergarten all the negative behaviors came out. He was finally kicked out of that school (he was on a waiver). We got a ASD diagnosis on him. He’s had a few challenges but is doing great in 1st grade. The youngest goes to Speech and OT twice a week. She was diagnosed with speech delay, a language disorder, and ASD shortly after turning 2. She’s is in a 2 hour a day pre IPK program in the afternoons that is run similarly to the therapies we take her to. She gets 30 minutes of language therapy once a week during the program. She’s 3 now., We have been on the ABA wait-list for almost a year. At this point, I don't think we need it. He is making amazing progress between school, OT, speech therapy and music therapy. I don't think adding 20 hours of ABA would do more than burn him out., We've done Speech therapy (doing both private and through the public school), DD Pre-k, and Mothers Day Out. We did an OT evaluation, but they signed off on him after his evaluation., We didn’t choose to, but we had a short time where my son only had preschool and no aba. Everyone told me how special needs preschool was the best thing ever and aba was horrible, but it’s been the opposite for us. I don’t feel he was appropriately helped at preschool and he would scream and cry every morning on the way there (when he’s usually very happy), meanwhile he’d go running into the aba office smiling. We ended up dropping preschool and just doing aba and he loves it so far and is doing pretty well., School has been so incredible for my son. So so good., We were late to the party on getting him diagnosed. He's officially diagnosed now but before that we got him registered for public school for a month of spec pre k in order to get him IEP tested last yr because he was still on wait lists for speech and OT. He's now in speech and OT both inside school and outside school, so doubled up kind of. In a really good spec kindergarten class too. At diagnosis they told us we could get a referral for aba but wait lists suck in my area and after talking to his out of school speech and OT ppls we decided it would be too much for him since he's progressing really well with what we already have him in. He's very routine oriented and aba would just be working on eye contact which we don't care about, and subjecting him to more routines which would likely not be good for his anxiety. He has some quirks but he's not aggressive so we aren't concerned with behavior. I've heard some great things about aba and if we didn't manage to get him potty trained I would consider it just for that aspect. We are lucky to have the team we do for him. I really think it depends on the aba program, and the kid themselves if it would be helpful. All our kids are different so it's really subjective to each situation., When our daughter was diagnosed I asked her doctor about ABA and the look on her face said everything (it was the same look a doctor once gave me when I asked about using a bleach bath for my eczema). We started speech at 2.5yrs and it's been really slow going but at about 4.5 she really started to take off with functional language and now at 5 she is becoming conversational. OT has probably been the most life changing support. It has really stretched our daughter to be more flexible and resilient. Recently we noticed that she was struggling to initiate/maintain play with peers at preschool so now we have another OT going to her preschool to help her with this and it's making an absolutely massive difference. She's got friends now., My daughter didn’t have terrible behaviors, but does elope and ABA has worked wonders. Also, ABA improved her functional communication more than speech ever did. ABA also is how we got her potty trained. It’s been a lifesaver, honestly, We didn’t do ABA. Our services have included speech, OT, and DIR Floortime. We also did ESDM when he was younger (which I guess some may consider a form of ABA?) but not now. I think it makes sense to look at the specific needs of your child rather than feeling like you have to do a specific set of things just because they’re autistic. I get a little frustrated by the pressure to do as much therapy as possible — and the specific pressure to do ABA, especially considering how many hours people are recommended for., Everyone is different and is in a different situation. Some may need more intervention then others. For my kid. I did not do ABA for my kid. I am a Autistic Adult and me and my son struggle in very similar ways (Why I went for a assessment in the first place). So I am able to better help him though his struggles. So far it has turned out really well., I was pretty much told that ABA would be overkill for my son. They gave us a diagnosis but didn’t bother to give us any direction on how to help him., ABA is just intensive training and it's only been commonly practiced since insurance companies started paying for it after Obama Care legislation was passed in the late 2010's. My twins were too old to benefit, I used mostly floor play when they were toddlers and focused on getting the best IEP services and accommodations we could. I found after school therapist led activities we paid for. In my area there's a place The Judson Center and they had therapist led game nights, yoga and homework, sports leagues, art classes, movie parties. They both did well in school, one finished college, but they still struggle with things, IDK if ABA would have changed them much. I like them quirky and "different", Even though 40 hours per week of ABA was recommended to us, we never went that route. We declined what the public school offered. We started 30 minutes of weekly speech therapy and 60 minutes of weekly occupational therapy, both private, the week of his 3rd birthday (he was assessed & diagnosed a few weeks later). He was re-assessed every 12 weeks by the therapists, for insurance and goals. When he started, he had the speech of a child aged 22 to 26 months. Within a year, his speech was that of an average 4 year old- he turned 4 that same week. His occupational therapy addressed all of the concerns we had, providing us with the tools needed to help him, so that was done within a year too. Between illnesses for us and his therapists, he had probably 44 or so sessions in the 52 week time frame., My kid was not diagnosed in time for the vast majority of ABA clinics to even take them and anyone they've seen since pretty much unanimously thinks it's a bad idea for them., We've done speech, feeding, and occupational therapy alongside public preschool and now elementary school (finishing up 2nd grade). He's just now getting back into private OT as it took a little longer to get things set up after a move and change in insurance. His vocabulary, diet, confidence, and social sklils are light years from where they were at 3. In the end, it comes down to how good/bad your school district is and how well the preschool/PreK/Kindergarten placement they have works for him. The school district we were in when my eldest was diagnosed could not provide the appropriate services for him (as employees there told us). The two we've been in since then have been fantastic and provided more support than we would have received in our initial state. Good luck., ABA helped us so much, this was when my son was having huge tantrums and was aggressive. He was only 2 though but man… Those weeks were ROUGH. they help with behavior and help with “commands” and focus. I think it helped my son. However, I will say that not all therapists are the same… there was only two that I felt like were the reason for the improvements. The others were meh., We tried ABA for 3 weeks and hated it so we stopped. My child is just in a structured class and we do occupational and speech therapy privately. I actually like that my child has therapy outside of the home. I feel like I can’t be myself and relax when there are people over. My child is doing great!! The structure of school is very helpful. She started talking (single words) too!, We dropped ABA about 4 years ago. He was doing okay, but we've seen a need for it and are about to start again., We didn't do ABA. We did SLT, OT, PT, and social skills classes. He's in an autism classroom and has been since grade 1. He started speech/language therapy when he was 3, OT and PT when he was 5. We've been working in social skills classes when they're available. He's currently in 2. Edit to add: He also sees a therapist but that started in the past year. He's 10 now., Yes! We do speech twice weekly (with a GLP trained therapist), OT once a week, and we'll probably add in PT. He's been going to a traditional preschool and has been doing well (he just turned 5 today!). He's had these spurts of development in his speech, social skills, motor skills, etc - but we've always kept things low demand and low pressure anyway. He's not at the same level of oral communication as others his age, but he communicates in a ton of ways! I wouldn't change anything about how we've approached things., There seems to be a wide range of experiences with ABA. We are doing it at home because that's all our insurance will cover besides OT, speech is presently out of pocket. My daughter loves the ABA therapists; she doesn't want them to leave. They are creative and engaging and they work with her other therapists. But I know it's not the right choice for every child. We will be moving to another state soon and I hope I can recreate the same experience for her there., We won’t do ABA. My daughter is in kinder and gets OT, speech and a special ed teacher for reading instruction., I live in australia and as far as I’m aware, ABA doesn’t exist here. We do speech & OT. Currently looking into behaviour therapy as an option but the general consensus is that OT addresses behaviour too so we’re not sure if it’ll be any benefit. I was also told the behaviour therapy offered here is more so for parents/caregivers on ways to cope, Our son is getting the care he needs in ecse, no one is really seeing the need for aba at this time, That's great. He has no severe behavior problems. Just trouble with speach. I'm thinking school and therapy a couple times a week should be enough?, Thank you so much for your insight! He is definitely manageable happy go lucky lil guy. Only gets Mads when he doesn't get what he wants which u consider normal toddler stuff. He is going to be starting integrated preschool soon with half ND and half NT. He absolutely loved the visit and the teachers (st and ot) seemed fabulous. I'm just confused with the meaning of aba I guess. Is it for speach delay or behavior problems? Or both?, Thank you for this comment. We tried ABA but our tech was not a good fit, and I wasn't sure I wanted to do it in the first place. You were able to put into words why I want to try other options first. I appreciate you verbalizing it this way. ♥️, That's how I feel. Is aba just when their behavior is out of control? My son doesn't really have behavior problems just speach and sensory, How is it going?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Sounds exactly like my son. He is vocal but no words really yet at 3. When did yours start to speak?, Colorado mom here! please stay far far away from Aurora Public Schools for IEPS or any extra support for your child. We have had a few family members mistreated and their care plans not followed properly., I'm not sure how well it will work for child care. My 6 year old is in ABA right now and he's only there for about 4 hours a day, 4 days a week and we have to provide our own transport to get him there and back. If I wasn't a stay-at-home dad, we wouldn't even be able to have him in ABA at all. Of course you may be able to work with them to figure out something that would work but I wouldn't count on it as a solution., How is it working for him? Has he developed speach?, How has their speach come along so far and at what age did it start to take off?, That's good to know. Definitely need help with his listening when we go outside and potty training, The hours sound like a full time job foe a toddler, Amazing. Is he speaking yet?, What is ecse?, I’m seeing improvement with just that system. We haven’t had much in the realm of therapy. I’m sure things could evolve faster with more but my girl seems to be doing well. I bet your boy can too ❤️ we had minimal behavioral issues. It’s mainly speech that’s a problem. I’ve been told many times once that catches up we will be in a much better spot developmentally, ABA stands for “applied behavior analysis” and is a therapy designed specifically to target undesired behaviors and train preferred behaviors. It doesn’t focus on speech or any other of a number of useful skills and necessary areas of child development. It absolutely has its use, but it’s not a cure for anything and unfortunately I think it often gets pointed to as the ultimate solution., ABA can help with behavior, routines, compliance. OT can help with a lot of that too though. And you don't want to over-do it with therapies either, it's exhausting! If you don't feel you or your child need the support, then there's no need in my opinion., I think the wording of “behavior is out of control” doesn’t describe every child that goes to ABA therapy. It doesn’t describe my child and he needs ABA therapy for many different reasons but “out of control behavior” isn’t one of them., Eh, school therapy isn’t my favorite bc our district is trash, private ot speech and pt are going well., He was similar at 3, some scripting and a handful of preferred words. He's what we call "semi-conversational" now, he's made a ton of progress and the majority of it happened over the last year or so, from around 4.5-5.5. He can communicate his needs if he's well regulated, and he's speaking constantly. Still some scripting mixed in but improvement literally every week at this point., We are looking at Ft Collins with Poudre School District, He can count to 10 forwards and backwards! He can name every character from Mickey Mouse. All the animals in the back of the Brown Bear book. He’s honestly thrived with the routine that comes with school. Come in, put your book bag and coat up, wash hands, meals, story time. Etc. He’s still a very independent player. Not very interested in what the other kids are doing. He has developed relationships with the teachers though. He will cuddle with them, lead them to what he wants which is his preferred method of communication., The oldest never had an issue talking. His issue is advocating for himself. The middle talked at home but not at school. He is hyper verbal now. The youngest isn’t considered nonverbal anymore. She consistently says some words, she makes more eye contact, has more ways of communicating, and doesn’t get as frustrated when trying to communicate. She still has a long way to go but I’m convinced she will talk., ABA gets a bad wrap, and truthfully a lot is kind of shit. We researched several clinics before deciding on which we’d send our now 3 year old to. She started in August and could speak many words, but had ZERO functional communication. She now speaks in full sentences and can “I want” “give me” “I need”, we did a year of speech before and never saw the progress we did with ABA. She still does speech and OT. Anyway, we are moving her to a regular preschool this fall, and will have her ABA therapists work with her in that setting., I really value down time for my kid, especially now that he’s in school., Yes, he’s fully verbal. His struggles are social and what to say to peers., Early Childhood Special Education, here in Michigan, you can get in as early as 3 yo just on speech delay. so only a portion of his class has the tism, but accordingto the teacher he has his own little crew now, Yes. When he Is evaluated will the put a referral in for a speach therapist?, FoCO is very much up and coming, I’d assume their school district reflects that! We’re in Adams county hopefully moving back to Denver within the next few months., Excellent, At ehat age did your child start to speak? I'm wondering if preschool will give him that push, That's so good to hear. Do you remember what age he started to be verbal?, If he needs speech therapy they will put in the referral for sure! Getting him into a welcoming school program with other kids will help too. The big thing to focus on is that speech is one in a million forms of communication so be sure to focus on other methods in the meantime. It can help you feel less worried about what your son is thinking and needing and it will give him control and independence. Sign language and tablets are both good options! Visual boards can also really help., You should also be able to get a referral for speech therapy from your sons pediatrician. We got referrals for speech and ot before diagnosis. You might have to request them., We like Denver also but money for house stretches further in FoCO. Looking at Bacon Elementary and Windsor Housing Community. $750K but awesome homes and services, Preschool was helpful for us too, once we found the right one. This is a little confusing to answer because my kid began saying words around a typical point, but even now his speech is somewhat limited. He’s 7 and he can identify things very easily, but conversational speech is hard. He mainly speaks to request things or to identify things he’s excited about., I feel that. We moved from Denver to Bennett (far east) worst decision of our lives. Luckily the market seems to be shifting at the moment. Keep in mind Denver as a county is very very big! I wish I could afford to live in Highlands Ranch they have great services. We commute there for our therapies., We will be moving from Ky so services have to be an upgrade over here. We luckily have full time ABA/Speech but have a Level 3 LO who is almost 3.

Has anyone had luck getting respite services with private insurance?

For context we live in Michigan and have a 6 year old, level 3 daughter. We don’t qualify for Medicaid services but we currently are on a waiting list for Children’s Waiver for Medicaid for her. However, we need a break. We have zero support from family/friends and are just feeling exhausted and depleted. Just curious if anyone on a BCBS plan or similar has found help. TIA

Also in Michigan and it's been a big fat no from our insurance, also BCBS. Our provider has autism services but I can't even get a call back from that. I meant that Detroit area and there are a few places that offer in home setting but the price is pretty high, I want to say like 26 an hour. I was thinking about seeing if one of the paras wants to make extra money in his classroom., Have you tried enrolling her in Early On? It’s not a formal respite, but if you can get her set up to go to school for half days in an ECSE classroom it could give you a few hours of break each week while you wait for the waiver to go through. Getting her enrolled in early on is a pretty quick process. They only have 45 days to get her evaluated and get and IEP and stuff set up. [https://www.1800earlyon.org/](https://www.1800earlyon.org/), They should require private insurance to cover it. Private insurance is such a scam. I make just a little bit over the threshold to and have a $1000 spend down with Medicaid . Not even worth it. I guess I could try to exceed $1000 in bills every month. Lol, Are you in the metro Detroit area? My child is doing therapy/preschool full time now but I might sign him up here for some days in the summer. They offer respite care. [https://autisticplayplace.org/](https://autisticplayplace.org/), Sometimes you can find local agencies that provide case management that also have foundations that raise money for services., Thanks for the response. It’s crazy how much we pay and how many hoops we need to go through just to get some support. Are you trying to have an evaluation done or get ABA?, So for us Early on ages out around 3 and then we had her in the early childhood development program. But yes, we did have her in early on and it was a great resource! She has an IEP and is in a CI class at her school., I totally agree! It’s ridiculous, Thank you! What an awesome resource! I will look into this a bit more :), My guy is 6 so he is in school full-time now. He's in an enclosed ASD classroom and I've seen lots of improvements in the last couple years so we don't do Aba. He does have outside speech and OT and I pay a pretty big copay until we hit our deductible but last year once we did hit our deductible they said that he had too many sessions and then it became sliding scale payment because insurance wouldn't cover anything., My pleasure! We've been there a couple of times for free play and the staff seemed so nice and caring. Best of luck :)., Also we did our evaluation at a place in Livonia called sprout, I'm not sure if you're in the area but they may have a siding scale to help with some of the expense., She is currently in ABA. She’s due for a 3 year re- evaluation but we are going through a private place since the wait lists were so long everywhere else., Also in Michigan and it's been a big fat no from our insurance, also BCBS. Our provider has autism services but I can't even get a call back from that. I meant that Detroit area and there are a few places that offer in home setting but the price is pretty high, I want to say like 26 an hour. I was thinking about seeing if one of the paras wants to make extra money in his classroom., Have you tried enrolling her in Early On? It’s not a formal respite, but if you can get her set up to go to school for half days in an ECSE classroom it could give you a few hours of break each week while you wait for the waiver to go through. Getting her enrolled in early on is a pretty quick process. They only have 45 days to get her evaluated and get and IEP and stuff set up. [https://www.1800earlyon.org/](https://www.1800earlyon.org/), They should require private insurance to cover it. Private insurance is such a scam. I make just a little bit over the threshold to and have a $1000 spend down with Medicaid . Not even worth it. I guess I could try to exceed $1000 in bills every month. Lol, Are you in the metro Detroit area? My child is doing therapy/preschool full time now but I might sign him up here for some days in the summer. They offer respite care. [https://autisticplayplace.org/](https://autisticplayplace.org/), Sometimes you can find local agencies that provide case management that also have foundations that raise money for services., Thanks for the response. It’s crazy how much we pay and how many hoops we need to go through just to get some support. Are you trying to have an evaluation done or get ABA?, So for us Early on ages out around 3 and then we had her in the early childhood development program. But yes, we did have her in early on and it was a great resource! She has an IEP and is in a CI class at her school., I totally agree! It’s ridiculous, Thank you! What an awesome resource! I will look into this a bit more :), My guy is 6 so he is in school full-time now. He's in an enclosed ASD classroom and I've seen lots of improvements in the last couple years so we don't do Aba. He does have outside speech and OT and I pay a pretty big copay until we hit our deductible but last year once we did hit our deductible they said that he had too many sessions and then it became sliding scale payment because insurance wouldn't cover anything., My pleasure! We've been there a couple of times for free play and the staff seemed so nice and caring. Best of luck :)., Also we did our evaluation at a place in Livonia called sprout, I'm not sure if you're in the area but they may have a siding scale to help with some of the expense., She is currently in ABA. She’s due for a 3 year re- evaluation but we are going through a private place since the wait lists were so long everywhere else., Also in Michigan and it's been a big fat no from our insurance, also BCBS. Our provider has autism services but I can't even get a call back from that. I meant that Detroit area and there are a few places that offer in home setting but the price is pretty high, I want to say like 26 an hour. I was thinking about seeing if one of the paras wants to make extra money in his classroom., Have you tried enrolling her in Early On? It’s not a formal respite, but if you can get her set up to go to school for half days in an ECSE classroom it could give you a few hours of break each week while you wait for the waiver to go through. Getting her enrolled in early on is a pretty quick process. They only have 45 days to get her evaluated and get and IEP and stuff set up. [https://www.1800earlyon.org/](https://www.1800earlyon.org/), They should require private insurance to cover it. Private insurance is such a scam. I make just a little bit over the threshold to and have a $1000 spend down with Medicaid . Not even worth it. I guess I could try to exceed $1000 in bills every month. Lol, Are you in the metro Detroit area? My child is doing therapy/preschool full time now but I might sign him up here for some days in the summer. They offer respite care. [https://autisticplayplace.org/](https://autisticplayplace.org/), Sometimes you can find local agencies that provide case management that also have foundations that raise money for services., Thanks for the response. It’s crazy how much we pay and how many hoops we need to go through just to get some support. Are you trying to have an evaluation done or get ABA?, So for us Early on ages out around 3 and then we had her in the early childhood development program. But yes, we did have her in early on and it was a great resource! She has an IEP and is in a CI class at her school., I totally agree! It’s ridiculous, Thank you! What an awesome resource! I will look into this a bit more :), My guy is 6 so he is in school full-time now. He's in an enclosed ASD classroom and I've seen lots of improvements in the last couple years so we don't do Aba. He does have outside speech and OT and I pay a pretty big copay until we hit our deductible but last year once we did hit our deductible they said that he had too many sessions and then it became sliding scale payment because insurance wouldn't cover anything., My pleasure! We've been there a couple of times for free play and the staff seemed so nice and caring. Best of luck :)., Also we did our evaluation at a place in Livonia called sprout, I'm not sure if you're in the area but they may have a siding scale to help with some of the expense., She is currently in ABA. She’s due for a 3 year re- evaluation but we are going through a private place since the wait lists were so long everywhere else., Also in Michigan and it's been a big fat no from our insurance, also BCBS. Our provider has autism services but I can't even get a call back from that. I meant that Detroit area and there are a few places that offer in home setting but the price is pretty high, I want to say like 26 an hour. I was thinking about seeing if one of the paras wants to make extra money in his classroom., Have you tried enrolling her in Early On? It’s not a formal respite, but if you can get her set up to go to school for half days in an ECSE classroom it could give you a few hours of break each week while you wait for the waiver to go through. Getting her enrolled in early on is a pretty quick process. They only have 45 days to get her evaluated and get and IEP and stuff set up. [https://www.1800earlyon.org/](https://www.1800earlyon.org/), They should require private insurance to cover it. Private insurance is such a scam. I make just a little bit over the threshold to and have a $1000 spend down with Medicaid . Not even worth it. I guess I could try to exceed $1000 in bills every month. Lol, Are you in the metro Detroit area? My child is doing therapy/preschool full time now but I might sign him up here for some days in the summer. They offer respite care. [https://autisticplayplace.org/](https://autisticplayplace.org/), Sometimes you can find local agencies that provide case management that also have foundations that raise money for services., Thanks for the response. It’s crazy how much we pay and how many hoops we need to go through just to get some support. Are you trying to have an evaluation done or get ABA?, So for us Early on ages out around 3 and then we had her in the early childhood development program. But yes, we did have her in early on and it was a great resource! She has an IEP and is in a CI class at her school., I totally agree! It’s ridiculous, Thank you! What an awesome resource! I will look into this a bit more :), My guy is 6 so he is in school full-time now. He's in an enclosed ASD classroom and I've seen lots of improvements in the last couple years so we don't do Aba. He does have outside speech and OT and I pay a pretty big copay until we hit our deductible but last year once we did hit our deductible they said that he had too many sessions and then it became sliding scale payment because insurance wouldn't cover anything., My pleasure! We've been there a couple of times for free play and the staff seemed so nice and caring. Best of luck :)., Also we did our evaluation at a place in Livonia called sprout, I'm not sure if you're in the area but they may have a siding scale to help with some of the expense., She is currently in ABA. She’s due for a 3 year re- evaluation but we are going through a private place since the wait lists were so long everywhere else.

Has anyone seen this as a sign of autism in their toddler?

I’m fairly certain my 2 year old daughter has ASD, as she shows several of the signs, but one of her “quirks” which I could never comprehend is that she always “forces” us to do things. For example, when she’s eating, she’ll make me eat as well by repeating “daddy eat”… when she’s playing with a toy, she’ll keep repeating “daddy” to make us play as well… honestly most of my interactions with her are her insisting that I do certain things. Does anyone have any ideas what this could be from an ASD lens?

I don't think it is a sign of autism. Your daughter is playing with you and she initiates the play. My son with ASD plays by himself. Always., This doesn’t sound autistic at all honestly. Sound like she is engaging you in her play and activities., I think that’s opposite of a red flag for autism. She is initiating social interaction with you intentionally at 2. That’s great!, I personally would say that is not a sign of autism, since it implies joint attention. She wants your involvement in a shared activity. I would more put it down to a toddler wanting control. They realize they are their own people and can have their own way. That is not to say your kid isn't autistic. I just wouldn't see that as a sign of autism., It could be a sign of something called a PDA autism profile. It is when an autistic person needs constant attonamy and demands cause them serious anxiety. I don't know anything else about your kid so it's possible that this is completely inaccurate but it could be something for you to look into., That could be anything. At that age they are just becoming tiny little humans. Stuff like this comes and goes with toddlers on and off the spectrum. Biggest sign with my son when he was a toddler was regression from learned behavior. Basically he lost some developmental milestones, it wasn't any type of behavioral quirks or manifestations., When my kid was going through assessment, the dr asked how they played at this age, and pointed out that “directing” the play is a common way that autistic kids play “together”, While toddlers, in general, often like to be in control, it absolutely can be a sign of autism for a child to be particularly insistent on controlling their environment and interactions with others. If you do not do what she wants you to, what does that look like? Autistic kids often have more difficulty adapting to things not going the way they planned (it's that cognitive ridigity associated with autism). Remember that autism can also look different in girls so, while it may seem like she's being sociable by interacting with you, difficulties may become more apparent with age if she were to be inflexible in her interactions with peers/friends., Maybe? What happens if you don't do what she's saying? Toddlers tend to be little dictators. My son isn't diagnosed yet but we are positive it's ASD- he does this BUT I don't think it has anything to do with ASD- I just thinks toddlers be toddling. For him ASD manifest in social communication struggles, like he ONLY wants to play with me or my husband. If everyone else on the planet disappeared I think he would be thrilled 🤣, Yes my daughter is super pushy with some stuff and she insists in having and adult around when doing her own thing that you aren’t allowed to touch or speak about., Thank you, my daughter is showing other signs of autism (eg frequent stimming, repetitive behaviours, hyperlexia etc) but this one “quirk” of hers has always been apparent and I can’t seem to figure out what it could be. She’s not so much playing “with us”, but more so requiring us to do things that she is currently doing., Thanks, we haven’t seen any regression yet, and she seems to be meeting most of her milestones, but she is showing several signs of ASD as well. We are scheduling her for an assessment but the wait times here are 6+ months, Interesting… do you recall if this was applicable for a toddler around 2 years of age? It’s not just play, but it’s a lot of other things as well (like directing that we eat when she is eating), Yep. If you decline an invitation to play, after spending lots of warm time together, does your child have an excessive meltdown over it where they simply cannot accept your response to them? The extreme need for control, that was our sign … for level 1 and ADHD (emotional regulation as a big component)., Usually nothing.. she’ll try for a few seconds but if we don’t do what she is dictating, she’ll usually just move on. I don’t think I would suspect this is ASD-related if not for the fact that she does this constantly throughout the day., This is actually a common thing with small children. She may be expressing rigidity in play by having you do certain things. But you can also teach her boundaries, ask her questions, and play nicely with her. If she struggles with sensory processing issues, the best thing you can do is fill her cup with positive things that replenish her energy instead of making her miserable and forcing her to “act normal.” My parents beat my joyful autistic behaviors out of me so I would be “normal.” I was still autistic but then I was traumatized and constantly in a state of disassociation., People, especially toddlers, stim. That includes nt people., It's so different with every kid. That's why the saying exists, "when you've met one person with autism you've only met one person with autism." The assessment will hopefully give you the answers you need., I think the behavior itself could manifest for more reasons than autism, and autism also frequently goes hand in hand with other things like anxiety related disorders. AND every person with autism is a complex tapestry of neurology, experiences, and personality, so it can be difficult to correlate a single trait to a single “cause”. To me, this behavior is about control and pattern completion. AFAB autistics are more likely to inherently seek out ways to adapt socially, (i.e. maladapting to a director role to manage social uncertainty rather than just not engaging with others). So I guess what Im saying in terms of “applicability”, is that it is all applicable AND none if is, on its own. I continue to understand the “tapestry” concept more deeply every day, as we dig into challenges, looking for a singular root cause, and come up with an intricate root system, a bundle of maladaptive coping mechanisms, connected to small and large traumas, their perception of the world, the beliefs that they have developed about themselves, the unique ways they seek comfort, companionship, and understanding. Knowing that autism is the soil from which these things grow helps to understand what they need, what can and can’t be changed, etc, but it doesn’t provide a magic wand to fix or even completely understand any one behavior/experience. I hope this complicated series of analogies made sense. Its a big job, regardless of labels, to steward our kids through their unique challenges.. some straightforward answers would sure be helpful! 😅💜, I dont think it's anything to associate with ASD- I think parents who have concerns about autism tend to see everything through "autism glasses" when a lot of it is typical toddler behavior. I think it's good to get an assessment if you are worried but at this age it is less about what a toddler is doing and more about what they are not doing., Able to move on is a very good sign this isn’t autism related. Toddlers are repetitive. Doing the same thing day in and day out is pretty normal. You said she is hyperlexic. One of the things we learned while getting our oldest evaluated is that a lot of “symptoms” of being a gifted kid overlap with a lot of the “symptoms” of being autistic. It’s one of the reasons it’s harder to diagnose high functioning kids, especially if their iq is above average., If she moves on, that’s amazing.

Has anyone tried Brain mapping and neurofeedback sessions?

My 3.5 year is showing sign of ASD and we are starting ABA therapy in a week. I was wondering if anyone had any experience with neurofeedback. Good or bad.

We are new to this, but I’ve never heard of it

Has anyone tried MeRT for Autism. Starting in Atlanta today. I am looking for Parent Testimonies

Just checking in for an update. Its one of those costly things that no one has anything to say about on reddit, Just checking in for an update. Its one of those costly things that no one has anything to say about on reddit, Just checking in for an update. Its one of those costly things that no one has anything to say about on reddit, Just checking in for an update. Its one of those costly things that no one has anything to say about on reddit

Has anyone tried Neural Balance?

Has anyone tried the supplement “Neural Balance”? It comes in capsule and powder form. The Amazon reviews read like a miracle treatment for behavioral and sleep issues, especially for ASD. Lots of parents claiming massive progress! It’s a little pricey, so I wanted to ask here if anyone has any experience with it. Thanks in advance!

Is one of the ingredients a reptile oil? From snakes perhaps?, If that were true then it would be all anybody in here and any other autism group was talking about. You're reading reviews that were paid for or that are from straight idiots. You're following the latter's lead. Don't do that., I noticed mild improvement giving my daughter omega fish oil. A bit more spontaneous speech. Still is hyper active though. I will look into this though, Perhaps.

Has anyone’s child on the spectrum also late been diagnosed with epilepsy?

What changes did you make in their diet, day-to-day life to reduce the occurrence of seizures? What medicine or supplements helped? Did you get a service dog? Did you homeschool? Did you get a medical bracelet?

Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool., Not late, it’s part of his syndrome. It is managed with 2 different epilepsy medications , and we have a Sami monitor for when he sleeps as an alert for if it detects a seizure. We don’t homeschool.

Has your kid ever started limping just for shits and giggles?

My 4 year old was limping when I picked her up from preschool yesterday. Checked her out and can't see any swelling or anything. Ask her if it hurts and she says no. Try squeezing and flexing a bunch of places and she still says no. Preschool staff said she spent a lot of time jumping off things onto crash pads but they didn't notice her hurt herself. This kid does not process pain normally. She does not inform me about pain half the time. But usually if I ask her directly, she can tell me if something is hurting. So I'm really confused watching her limp around saying nothing hurts. She also does a funny walk like 90% of the time, like she's rarely just walking, she's dancing or prancing or stomping or marching or something. She was still limping this morning while insisting she's fine. If it doesn't improve in a couple days I'm going to take her in but is there a precedent for autistic/sensory seeking kids to limp for fun or as a stim or something?

If my daughter feels ANYTHING, she is limping.....paper cut on her knee? LIMPING. My son had an injury on Saturday and didn't complain Sun/Mon but today he "remembered" it then he immediately was overwhelmed and started crying like it hurt again........, Both my boys are world class fakers. I’m surprised we didn’t see them nominated at the Oscars on Sunday. Which makes it extra hard to determine the real from the imagined. Very frustrating, I'm an adult, autistic with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Sometimes I limp without pain because something is slightly out of place which makes it hard to walk but it's not painful for me. Just...weird. It might just be her playing with a funny walk, or could be something is wrong just not in a painful way., We had a whole incident when my son was little. He got pins and needles (‘tingles’— from sitting on his leg) at daycare and then refused to walk on the leg. At all. In the end we figured it out and eventually, after a few hours he began to ‘trust it’ again. It was like he just so startled it could do something like that he no longer wanted to risk using it. He was almost non-verbal then, so he couldn’t tell us what was wrong either. It could be something very odd like that— something just slightly off. Good luck. Do see a doctor if it keeps up! :-), Yeah, and I mean, my older kid will 100% limp and moan and lay about after the slightest bump because she's super dramatic and wants attention. But my youngest is just bouncing around, happy as can be, saying she's fine but walking like Igor., If my daughter feels ANYTHING, she is limping.....paper cut on her knee? LIMPING. My son had an injury on Saturday and didn't complain Sun/Mon but today he "remembered" it then he immediately was overwhelmed and started crying like it hurt again........, Both my boys are world class fakers. I’m surprised we didn’t see them nominated at the Oscars on Sunday. Which makes it extra hard to determine the real from the imagined. Very frustrating, I'm an adult, autistic with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Sometimes I limp without pain because something is slightly out of place which makes it hard to walk but it's not painful for me. Just...weird. It might just be her playing with a funny walk, or could be something is wrong just not in a painful way., We had a whole incident when my son was little. He got pins and needles (‘tingles’— from sitting on his leg) at daycare and then refused to walk on the leg. At all. In the end we figured it out and eventually, after a few hours he began to ‘trust it’ again. It was like he just so startled it could do something like that he no longer wanted to risk using it. He was almost non-verbal then, so he couldn’t tell us what was wrong either. It could be something very odd like that— something just slightly off. Good luck. Do see a doctor if it keeps up! :-), Yeah, and I mean, my older kid will 100% limp and moan and lay about after the slightest bump because she's super dramatic and wants attention. But my youngest is just bouncing around, happy as can be, saying she's fine but walking like Igor., If my daughter feels ANYTHING, she is limping.....paper cut on her knee? LIMPING. My son had an injury on Saturday and didn't complain Sun/Mon but today he "remembered" it then he immediately was overwhelmed and started crying like it hurt again........, Both my boys are world class fakers. I’m surprised we didn’t see them nominated at the Oscars on Sunday. Which makes it extra hard to determine the real from the imagined. Very frustrating, I'm an adult, autistic with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Sometimes I limp without pain because something is slightly out of place which makes it hard to walk but it's not painful for me. Just...weird. It might just be her playing with a funny walk, or could be something is wrong just not in a painful way., We had a whole incident when my son was little. He got pins and needles (‘tingles’— from sitting on his leg) at daycare and then refused to walk on the leg. At all. In the end we figured it out and eventually, after a few hours he began to ‘trust it’ again. It was like he just so startled it could do something like that he no longer wanted to risk using it. He was almost non-verbal then, so he couldn’t tell us what was wrong either. It could be something very odd like that— something just slightly off. Good luck. Do see a doctor if it keeps up! :-), Yeah, and I mean, my older kid will 100% limp and moan and lay about after the slightest bump because she's super dramatic and wants attention. But my youngest is just bouncing around, happy as can be, saying she's fine but walking like Igor., If my daughter feels ANYTHING, she is limping.....paper cut on her knee? LIMPING. My son had an injury on Saturday and didn't complain Sun/Mon but today he "remembered" it then he immediately was overwhelmed and started crying like it hurt again........, Both my boys are world class fakers. I’m surprised we didn’t see them nominated at the Oscars on Sunday. Which makes it extra hard to determine the real from the imagined. Very frustrating, I'm an adult, autistic with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Sometimes I limp without pain because something is slightly out of place which makes it hard to walk but it's not painful for me. Just...weird. It might just be her playing with a funny walk, or could be something is wrong just not in a painful way., We had a whole incident when my son was little. He got pins and needles (‘tingles’— from sitting on his leg) at daycare and then refused to walk on the leg. At all. In the end we figured it out and eventually, after a few hours he began to ‘trust it’ again. It was like he just so startled it could do something like that he no longer wanted to risk using it. He was almost non-verbal then, so he couldn’t tell us what was wrong either. It could be something very odd like that— something just slightly off. Good luck. Do see a doctor if it keeps up! :-), Yeah, and I mean, my older kid will 100% limp and moan and lay about after the slightest bump because she's super dramatic and wants attention. But my youngest is just bouncing around, happy as can be, saying she's fine but walking like Igor.

Have you tried camel milk?

Hi! I’ve been reading up on camel milk and its health benefits. I’m considering getting for my child and was curious if any parents here have tried camel milk with their little? If so, did you see any changes in your child. Thank you!

what part of Africa did the camel come from? was the milk pasteurized? what flavor was the camel? is the camel DF?, Interested to hear anyone who has tried as well, f/, It’s milk. Camel milk has less lactose, so can be better than cow milk for people who are lactose intolerant. It also has slightly different proteins and some different minerals. Other than that, it’s milk. Camel milk has [no magical properties that treat autism](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27432772/), and the FDA has repeatedly warned against [using it as a medical treatment](https://www.fda.gov/consumers/consumer-updates/be-aware-potentially-dangerous-products-and-therapies-claim-treat-autism) for ASD, especially when unpasteurized. Look, if your kid is lactose intolerant or allergic to cow milk, drinking cow milk is going to make them feel bad. Feeling bad is going to increase negative behaviors. I too am grumpy when I have explosive diarrhea! And camel milk *might* be a reasonable alternative to specifically help with that. If you can find pasteurized camel milk, it’s unlikely to hurt. But you could also get the same benefits by switching to oat milk or soy milk or pea milk, and it won’t cost you $100/gallon! Absolutely don’t feed your kid raw camel milk you got on the internet. You are risking Campylobacter, Cryptosporidium, E. coli, Listeria, Brucella, and Salmonella, among others., My thoughts exactly! How many bumps did the camel have?

He gets sad random times thinking about kindergarten

My son 5yo ASD partially verbal with some functional speech gets sad that he has to go to KG (3 hours/day) every morning sometimes evenings and some random times during the day . He usually does not feel sad coming out of KG and caretakers tell us he was feeling ok and even participated to some extent in activities. When we asked him about it he said things like" he does not like KG because he is missing his mom" and " he is afraid he might fall in the garden outside". Which might refer to this 'event' that happened like 3 weeks ago. They told us when they were outside a kid ran close to him and he startled and fell. Up to this point I would understand it is just there was a break from KG because of holidays but nearly every day we caught him crying random times because of KG. "I dont want to go on Wednesday" which was like 4 days ahead. Why does he not enjoy he has still 3 days without KG? He lately keeps also very short range from his mom at home when she is present. He is usually very independent when away from her. My wife is very patient but I see she is starting to burn out in this. Is it a regular second phase separation anxiety ? Would it help if I were to take him to KG instead of mom? Did anyone have something like this? Thanks

It might just mean that he enjoys being at home with you much more than being at the kindergarten? He just expresses it in this weird way. It is natural that he gets stressed in the kg - he has to follow the activities, be around other kids, maybe there is some sensory overload. All of that causes anxiety about going to the KG. It is all quite natural for autistic kids..., I mean it is quite natural that he enjoys home more bc here he has much more attention directed to him, but he needs socialising and also it is required by the law, and I quite frankly think that KG is doing him good. I just wish I 'd know how we can do this easier for him., It might just mean that he enjoys being at home with you much more than being at the kindergarten? He just expresses it in this weird way. It is natural that he gets stressed in the kg - he has to follow the activities, be around other kids, maybe there is some sensory overload. All of that causes anxiety about going to the KG. It is all quite natural for autistic kids..., I mean it is quite natural that he enjoys home more bc here he has much more attention directed to him, but he needs socialising and also it is required by the law, and I quite frankly think that KG is doing him good. I just wish I 'd know how we can do this easier for him., It might just mean that he enjoys being at home with you much more than being at the kindergarten? He just expresses it in this weird way. It is natural that he gets stressed in the kg - he has to follow the activities, be around other kids, maybe there is some sensory overload. All of that causes anxiety about going to the KG. It is all quite natural for autistic kids..., I mean it is quite natural that he enjoys home more bc here he has much more attention directed to him, but he needs socialising and also it is required by the law, and I quite frankly think that KG is doing him good. I just wish I 'd know how we can do this easier for him., It might just mean that he enjoys being at home with you much more than being at the kindergarten? He just expresses it in this weird way. It is natural that he gets stressed in the kg - he has to follow the activities, be around other kids, maybe there is some sensory overload. All of that causes anxiety about going to the KG. It is all quite natural for autistic kids..., I mean it is quite natural that he enjoys home more bc here he has much more attention directed to him, but he needs socialising and also it is required by the law, and I quite frankly think that KG is doing him good. I just wish I 'd know how we can do this easier for him.

Head shaking or saying no?

My 3 year old soon to be diagnosed is non verbal. He does lead me to what he wants. He is not one to bang his head twirl his hands or screech. Once in a blue moon he shakes his head no. We went for a hike today and he was lagging behind a bit and I kept saying come on let's go until he looked at me and shook his head 5 times. Is this a stim or him telling me no?

It could easily be either, my son likes visual stims, he will look at a light kinda sideways and shake his head. In a case like walking a trail the way I would approach a yes or no would be do you want to continue this way ( pointing obviously to continue on ) or do you wish to stop and go back ( pointing obviously to the way we came) and see if he would direct me either way. But it can be a real struggle to know sometimes because some of his stims look like he is shaking his head no but I'm reality he just likes the sensation of blurry vision for a few seconds., It's impossible to definitively say the exact meaning behind your son's actions without observing more of his behaviors and context! But, shaking his head in response to your prompt to move forward on the hike could potentially be interpreted as a form of communication indicating his preference or discomfort. You would have to consider other factors and observe his behavior in various contexts to better understand his communication patterns and see if it's repeated in similar instances., It could easily be either, my son likes visual stims, he will look at a light kinda sideways and shake his head. In a case like walking a trail the way I would approach a yes or no would be do you want to continue this way ( pointing obviously to continue on ) or do you wish to stop and go back ( pointing obviously to the way we came) and see if he would direct me either way. But it can be a real struggle to know sometimes because some of his stims look like he is shaking his head no but I'm reality he just likes the sensation of blurry vision for a few seconds., It's impossible to definitively say the exact meaning behind your son's actions without observing more of his behaviors and context! But, shaking his head in response to your prompt to move forward on the hike could potentially be interpreted as a form of communication indicating his preference or discomfort. You would have to consider other factors and observe his behavior in various contexts to better understand his communication patterns and see if it's repeated in similar instances., It could easily be either, my son likes visual stims, he will look at a light kinda sideways and shake his head. In a case like walking a trail the way I would approach a yes or no would be do you want to continue this way ( pointing obviously to continue on ) or do you wish to stop and go back ( pointing obviously to the way we came) and see if he would direct me either way. But it can be a real struggle to know sometimes because some of his stims look like he is shaking his head no but I'm reality he just likes the sensation of blurry vision for a few seconds., It's impossible to definitively say the exact meaning behind your son's actions without observing more of his behaviors and context! But, shaking his head in response to your prompt to move forward on the hike could potentially be interpreted as a form of communication indicating his preference or discomfort. You would have to consider other factors and observe his behavior in various contexts to better understand his communication patterns and see if it's repeated in similar instances., It could easily be either, my son likes visual stims, he will look at a light kinda sideways and shake his head. In a case like walking a trail the way I would approach a yes or no would be do you want to continue this way ( pointing obviously to continue on ) or do you wish to stop and go back ( pointing obviously to the way we came) and see if he would direct me either way. But it can be a real struggle to know sometimes because some of his stims look like he is shaking his head no but I'm reality he just likes the sensation of blurry vision for a few seconds., It's impossible to definitively say the exact meaning behind your son's actions without observing more of his behaviors and context! But, shaking his head in response to your prompt to move forward on the hike could potentially be interpreted as a form of communication indicating his preference or discomfort. You would have to consider other factors and observe his behavior in various contexts to better understand his communication patterns and see if it's repeated in similar instances.

Hearing tests

My daughter (2) is diagnosed and has speech delay. She went in yesterday for a hearing test and they were only really about to test and pass one ear. It was a rough day for her and she recently had an ear infection so not the best conditions. I’m taking her back in a couple months to try and get the other one done. They mentioned sedated test if it’s needed. Has anyone done this, is it safe? I don’t know why I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of sedating a toddler for a hearing test.

We have never had a sedated hearing test done, but I wish we had. It would have been better than not feeding a newborn, keeping him awake for several hours, and then feeding him a lot so he would fall asleep for the abr. And we had to do that twice. Now, fortunately, we do booth testing. He is a good little testee for some reason. We did have him sedated for an MRI to get a look inside his ear when he was a few months old.. He was extremely hungry and thirsty afterwards, and was quite pitiful. I remember him making sad noises, chugging a bottle I had pumped for him, and then puking it all over me. But he was fine within a few hours. He was sedated for ear tubes around 2, and again was thirsty and wanted some popsicles but held up much better. I don't recall him having any real recovery time. So, from my experience, I would go ahead with it. If he had been a few months older when we found out he was Deaf or if he didn't tolerate booth testing now, we would do so. It is something kid's hospitals do a lot, and is low risk., For my daughter we did two test she fail both because of the pressure. The audiologist recommended a sedated one we waited for the ENT and he recommended tubes because the pressure and while she is sedated he will do the hearing test. The whole sedation part sucks but I’m trying to look at the outcome. She is always tugging at her ears., We have never had a sedated hearing test done, but I wish we had. It would have been better than not feeding a newborn, keeping him awake for several hours, and then feeding him a lot so he would fall asleep for the abr. And we had to do that twice. Now, fortunately, we do booth testing. He is a good little testee for some reason. We did have him sedated for an MRI to get a look inside his ear when he was a few months old.. He was extremely hungry and thirsty afterwards, and was quite pitiful. I remember him making sad noises, chugging a bottle I had pumped for him, and then puking it all over me. But he was fine within a few hours. He was sedated for ear tubes around 2, and again was thirsty and wanted some popsicles but held up much better. I don't recall him having any real recovery time. So, from my experience, I would go ahead with it. If he had been a few months older when we found out he was Deaf or if he didn't tolerate booth testing now, we would do so. It is something kid's hospitals do a lot, and is low risk., For my daughter we did two test she fail both because of the pressure. The audiologist recommended a sedated one we waited for the ENT and he recommended tubes because the pressure and while she is sedated he will do the hearing test. The whole sedation part sucks but I’m trying to look at the outcome. She is always tugging at her ears., We have never had a sedated hearing test done, but I wish we had. It would have been better than not feeding a newborn, keeping him awake for several hours, and then feeding him a lot so he would fall asleep for the abr. And we had to do that twice. Now, fortunately, we do booth testing. He is a good little testee for some reason. We did have him sedated for an MRI to get a look inside his ear when he was a few months old.. He was extremely hungry and thirsty afterwards, and was quite pitiful. I remember him making sad noises, chugging a bottle I had pumped for him, and then puking it all over me. But he was fine within a few hours. He was sedated for ear tubes around 2, and again was thirsty and wanted some popsicles but held up much better. I don't recall him having any real recovery time. So, from my experience, I would go ahead with it. If he had been a few months older when we found out he was Deaf or if he didn't tolerate booth testing now, we would do so. It is something kid's hospitals do a lot, and is low risk., For my daughter we did two test she fail both because of the pressure. The audiologist recommended a sedated one we waited for the ENT and he recommended tubes because the pressure and while she is sedated he will do the hearing test. The whole sedation part sucks but I’m trying to look at the outcome. She is always tugging at her ears., We have never had a sedated hearing test done, but I wish we had. It would have been better than not feeding a newborn, keeping him awake for several hours, and then feeding him a lot so he would fall asleep for the abr. And we had to do that twice. Now, fortunately, we do booth testing. He is a good little testee for some reason. We did have him sedated for an MRI to get a look inside his ear when he was a few months old.. He was extremely hungry and thirsty afterwards, and was quite pitiful. I remember him making sad noises, chugging a bottle I had pumped for him, and then puking it all over me. But he was fine within a few hours. He was sedated for ear tubes around 2, and again was thirsty and wanted some popsicles but held up much better. I don't recall him having any real recovery time. So, from my experience, I would go ahead with it. If he had been a few months older when we found out he was Deaf or if he didn't tolerate booth testing now, we would do so. It is something kid's hospitals do a lot, and is low risk., For my daughter we did two test she fail both because of the pressure. The audiologist recommended a sedated one we waited for the ENT and he recommended tubes because the pressure and while she is sedated he will do the hearing test. The whole sedation part sucks but I’m trying to look at the outcome. She is always tugging at her ears.

Heeeeelp!

Hi, I’m not sure where to begin here so just please work with me. I have a 2.5 year old little guy who is the happiest kid in the entire world. He talks, he sings, he plays with his siblings. He’s truly just the best kid ever. Easy baby, pretty mellow toddler with the occasional temper tantrum. My son likes to spin things and he looooooves flicking the light switches since I have taught him. My pediatrician just says this is a speech delay but I have asked for a developmental eval and they just tell me “he doesn’t need it” or “he’s still so little.” I do believe we may be going down the apraxia route and I’ve been looking into it. I know autism is a spectrum and I’m not against the fact my son may be on it. I just don’t know what to do. I have some family members saying I’m in denial and this is autism but when I ask them why they just say “he doesn’t speak” but he does speak and he does play and outside of that and some occasional light flicking and wheel spinning, I DO NOT SEE IT. My sister said that my son listens to me but doesn’t listen to her and sometimes she feels like he’s looking right through her. My sister is the best so she isn’t meaning any harm and truthfully, I’m asking. I want help for him. He is currently in OT for low tone and he was in speech but I pulled for the summer and when OT is done we will be back in ST. If anyone read this far and you have some insight or can give me some tips, please help me. I don’t care if he’s got autism. If he has it, it’s just another thing that makes my baby who he is. I just feel like I’m hitting a brick wall.

Hey friend, Our son wasn't considered for an evaluation until he was 3, then they called it speech delay. He did ALL the therapies and then at age 4 they said "Okay let's do an eval, these things aren't working". That summer we heard that he was autistic with speech delay. This year in 2023 we had genetic testing done showing that he has a deletion of genes and there's no reason why, it was basically a fluke. My husband got tested and it didn't come from him so we are thinking it may not be genetic. All this to say, things take time. I wouldn't rush into anything, these things can take years. Lots of kids have funny fascinations that don't mean anything, or maybe they do but don't look too far into it, just enjoy this phase ❤️, Is your son playing with toys appropriately ? Is he bringing you things? Sharing ? Waving bye? Able to imitate hand gestures from nursery rhymes? (Exp: It’s bitsy spider )? Mine was evaluated at age 3 by the state and then another 6 months later by health insurance for therapies, I started wondering about my son around 2. Honestly I held my breath until he was 2 because I’d worked in a setting with kids with ASD and knew some kids can develop normally and then regress. When that didn’t happen I was definitely relieved but he had some odd behaviors that made me wonder if he might potentially have a subtle presentation of ASD (I’m pretty sure my husband does which is one reason it was on my radar). My son didn’t meet any of the warning signs on the pediatrician’s screening but he was slow to start speaking and his favorite activity from around 18 months has been lining up toys in a certain order. At 2 years the pediatrician said not to worry since he didn’t have any warning signs and seemed social. Then he became obsessed with letters and numbers and only wanted to sing the ABCs forward and backward and line up his letter toys. I brought it up to his pediatrician again at 3 yrs and again she said not to worry, that he was probably just smart. However at this time we also started noticing more emotional and behavioral problems like refusing to leave the house and struggling with transitions in general, rigidness around how to play with toys (and still really only want to line things up). I ended up reaching out to a psychologist who specializes in autism diagnosis and she said to bring him in. He’s often laughing, makes eye contact, and really cares if others are hurt or sick, but the more I learn about autism the more I understand it can present in so many different ways. My son also has echolalia, mixes up pronouns (I pick you up instead of pick me up) and loves crashing into things. We’re still in the middle of the eval but since we started he’s been showing more stimming as well - skipping and spinning on one foot when excited. It’s sooo hard to not know yet. A lot of what I’ve heard from others is that if they have ASD it will get more obvious once they get older. You could also reach out to a psychologist on your own. Or if you’re in the US I know states usually have a free eval at 3-5 years. Does the OT have any opinion about it?, At that age, I didn’t see the things my mother in law was seeing and suspected he was on the spectrum. I was in denial! Sounds like a possibility he is, and that is ok! The sooner he’s evaluated, the quicker you can move to get regional center to help you with therapies! And you can get an iep when he turns 3 through your school district. Push for the eval, and if he’s not he’s not., He could be borderline on the spectrum. One of my son's major signs is that he struggles to generalize his skills to new people and environments. He makes great eye contact with me, he responds when I say or sign his name, he uses more language and shows more skills with me, he has decent joint attention and engages well with me. He doesn't do all those things with other people. (Well, didn't. He has made a ton of progress with therapy, to the point where he does most of those with people he knows now. We don't work on or force eye contact, but even that has improved.) That's what makes a diagnosis tough at times. I was scoring my kid a 0 on the MCHAT because he did all that stuff with me., He's young and it may be a bit too early to tell. Personally, I think any kid with speech delay/disorders would benefit from getting an autism evaluation, just be sure. I didn't think my son had autism, to me his only problem was speech delay and a possible speech disorder (apraxia or phonological disorder). But we had him evaluated and he got the diagnosis. The experts who evaluated him could see subtle things I couldn't see myself. Like the fact he had a little less eye contact than neurotypical kids (but I find his eye contact to be quite good), they said he was a little less flexible with his play (wanted to play more his own way than the way others suggested), and his echolalia (his speech consists mainly of saying back a word we just said). Quite subtle signs, but enough that they were able to give him a diagnosis. So I'm of the opinion that if there is any doubt, better get it checked out than ignoring it when it may be a little too late. Because we have a diagnose we are now able to apply for funding so he gets more 1-1 time at nursery so it's definitely been a good thing. I've also become more aware that busy places with loud noises are probably more stressful for him than I realise (even though he tolerates them), so it means I can make better decisions as a parent, Sounds exactly like my little guy, he’s also 2 and we had him tested and he’s on the spectrum. I would push for the evaluation from the doctor just to be safe. But he sounds like a great kid!, This sound like me son, without the spinning and flicking. My son would also jump from foot to foot and flick ears. Does your son tend to take off?, Definitely enjoying him, regardless of anything. I truly appreciate you writing back to me., He does play appropriately with his toys, in my opinion. He does wave but only if he wants to. He can be particular about stuff like that. Itsy bitsy is a good one, I don’t know that I’ve tried that with him. I’m going to see tomorrow. Thank you for that, I’ve never thought of it., Our OT said she’s not sure. He just doesn’t fit that. But again, he is little. I worked at a therapy center for peds and typically we can tell. But not one of those kids are strange/weird/etc. they’re all so absolutely perfect., I’m open to it! It’s not a death sentence of a thing! I’m truly ok!!, Yep - 0 on MCHAT. lol, I think I’m definitely going to push this at our visit next week after this! I appreciate the insight! Hug your little guy. I’m sure he’s the cutest!, Also, I’m sorry I don’t know what I did but I saw your post about a weighted vest - my son has one and it was a waste of our time and didn’t seem to help. Our OT recommended KT Tape, and that works WAY better than the best for him. I hope that helps you!, I’m sorry, what do you mean by take off? Take off like “cya later?” Not typically. Sometimes he can’t be bothered with me anymore lol. I don’t notice the foot to foot thing, I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for it. He does love to jump. We have a trampoline (like the small one with the tail) that he loves to jump on. It’s honestly my favorite thing to watch. And flicking ears I have seen him do but he has eczema in his ears so I don’t know if they’re itchy or he’s flicking?, Sure! And, I hope your didn't take my message the wrong way, I know your a good parent who means well... That means way more to your son than any strangers opinion. Keep up the good work., I’m not sure why your family insists on him being on the spectrum? Here’s a test you can try [https://www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child](https://www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child), 'Taking off as in run away. Not necessarily away from you, just towards something. Without really looking back towards you., Nooo! Absolutely no way! You were so kind! I asked for advice and you gave it!!, My family thinks they’re all doctors. I’m doing what I can for him!, He scores a 0 on that, every single time. I’m frustrated. Lol, Not really, he looks towards us for approval. He wants to share his interest with us. He doesn’t say “hey look!” But he will “ma” me to get me to check it out., Gosh don’t be frustrated! Don’t let others cloud your judgment. You are his mother! No one knows your child like you do. Follow your instincts! What’s your gut telling you?, My gut says Apraxia. When I heard the doctor say it and looked into it I was like “wait this could be it!” But I also don’t deny that he could have autism as well. My family can be horrendous. And sometimes I feel like I put too much pressure on myself to do more than I already am. He is two, the middle child, and just the best kid on the planet. I wish I could explain how I feel without getting upset but that’s hard for me. I just want him to be him. I don’t care about a diagnosis because at the end of the day, what makes my baby him, is exactly who he is right now. I am so proud of how far he’s come since this time last year when he didn’t really speak much at all. We are in OT and honestly I couldn’t be happier with his progress!, Exactly ! Gosh families can be difficult. Mine says my son will “outgrow” autism 😫 he’s also my middle child. Glad you have a good pediatrician to talk to and have a lead. I agree with you. Let your child be a child. Hugs your way, lol, must be a middle child thing. (I’m a middle child and I must say I’m the best kid my parents have!)