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Anyone one and done after diagnosis?

I am curious if anyone here decided to be “one and done” after their child received an Autism diagnosis? For context, my husband and I were leaning towards “one and done”/ sorta fence sitters depending on the day and this was BEFORE any concerns of Autism. Now we are doing /Speech, Occupational, therapies and possibly ABA. It takes up so much time/emotional energy. I don’t want my child to “change” I love him as he is but it’s like do we want to add another child to this when we were already leaning towards one and done? What if the second child has more severe autism? My husband is incredibly supportive but we don’t have help from anyone else besides occasional babysitting for a date night. I would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this. Thank you friends!

We were also one and done. I'm grieving I will never experience "normal" motherhood as my 5yo son is barely verbal so we briefly considered having another child but quickly decided against it. We are not young and my health is somewhat poor, we don't have enough money and emotional recources for another child, We were going to, but decided to have another. We are very lucky that we have a lot of love and support from my parents. Both my husband and I have siblings, and we realized how important they are in our lives, and wanted our son to have that. Hopefully it’s true. One benefit I see is that we’ve been through this now, so if our daughter is on the spectrum as well, I feel much more prepared to handle it and get her the support she may need., Nothing wrong with only having 1 kid. The pressure to have 2 is certainly real, but don't give in if you are already struggling. And you could end up with a second that is way higher needs. Better to focus on the one and enjoy life than be stretched thin., We’re one and done, well before the diagnosis. He was the absolute worst baby and I had ppa and ppd. 7 years later and I still have a hard time being around a crying baby., My second was born before my first was dx, but their bond is unbelievable and I genuinely and firmly believe that son has benefited TREMENDOUSLY by having a sibling. She even translated for him for the first few years while he was working on speech - only parents and sister could understand, and she was VERY bossy that SHE was her brother’s helper… They are 13 and 12 now, and she is still his biggest helper, cheerleader, and bestest friend. She will defend him to the death, and then tattle on him just as quickly 🤣. Totally a blessing., Yea, I feel like I am busy enough w therapies for one. I’d be pulled In too many directions w another., You and your husband will have to weigh it out. The amount of love and fulfillment my wife and I have received from having our son (lvl 3 non verbal) has outweighed all the OT, ST, ABA and being kicked out of multiple daycares. Don't get me wrong it's a battle every day and we are worried about the future constantly. We both work full-time and somehow we just make it work. Our second is about 7 months and he's only added to our lives. To each their own, but my wife and I both agreed. We'd rather regret having 2 with ASD than never knowing. Bonus, my youngest loves his older brother. Seeing them "interact" is the best feeling ever. Even if it's far and few. Enjoy what you have, one day at a time. Again, there's that saying that goes. "When you've met one person with autisms. You've met ONE person with autism". Everyone's struggles are different. Good luck, I always originally wanted 2 kids, but I think I'm defenitely "one and done" after the diagnosis. Thankfully I live in New York where there is a lot of support for my 6 year old level 2 ASD daughter, but I still fear having a second child with the same diagnosis. I love my daughter with all of my heart, but I have a cousin who is Level 3 ASD so I'm pretty sure she got it from me, and I don't want to pass it on again. I hope that doesn't sound horrible. Her father wants us to have another child, but he has an older son from a previous relationship, and he cheated on me and had another child after our daughter (it's a long story) so as far as I'm concerned, he's got enough. While we are still together, I don't feel like he really helps as much as he should, so I'm already exhausted from everything, so I'm good with my one mini me., We are also one and done. My daughter was born premature and with lung issues that persisted for the first two years of her life. Then she was diagnosed with autism around the age of 2 and now with ID at age 6. It’s never ending. Just when things start getting better, something else starts back up. We’ve also done this all alone with 0 family or friends. Never again., I was leaning that way before I had a kid and committed to OAD before we knew she had ASD. So it wasn’t a factor in my decision, but now that we are doing the therapies and lifestyle accommodations and know there’s a possibility/likelihood she’ll need some form of support into adulthood it’s just another point in the “I made the right choice” column. I feel like I’m handling what’s on my plate reasonably well, and I also know if I had a second kid with special needs I would not handle it all reasonably well. (Also the money. It’s so much money.), Yes, we are one and done. I don't think I have the energy or the mental capacity taking on another child. The not knowing what is ahead of us is a lot., I’m still on fence, but leaning one and done. I really struggle with tbh. After our son, we had unplanned pregnancy. He 9months at time and asd wasn’t on our radar. I ended up miscarrying, but the experience made me realize I truly wanted another. We thought we’d try again after I was ready emotionally. Then the missed milestones started to hit, and now he’s 2 and we’re in process of getting diagnosed. The signs are more obvious as he gets older. I’d love to have another, but truly don’t know if we have the mental bandwidth/energy/time. Esp if next is ND also. There’s so many unknowns. Will our son talk? Will he need higher support as he grows? Honestly, I don’t know what the answer is. And feeling so uncertain sucks. Solidarity friend., We were originally a “one and done”, and then I got pregnant. Due in November.🤪 In all honesty though, as our daughter has gotten older I am starting to see that it’ll be okay with two. It’ll be tough, but we have no choice but to make it work., I wanted two or three kids but my daughter is a level 3 and every day is very exhausting, she takes all of my love, attention and time. It wouldn't be fair to any of us to bring another child into the mix, especially if that other child ended up being neurodivergent as well. Other parents might be cut out for it and that's awesome! but I don't have the energy or mental fortitude for another., We had been on the fence about having a second kid until my son's diagnosis. Between testing and all the extra help he needs, I don't have the energy for another child. Plus, I don't feel like I could give my son the time he needs if my attention was divided. We plan to see how things go and revist the idea in 4 years., I had a vasectomy afterward, but it was also our second child. We would have had more if number two's needs weren't so high. Our lives are already far outside the bell curve, no way could we handle another child., I had thoughts of 2 kids before, but definitely one and done now. There is just no way we’ll have enough time, money or energy to raise another kid and provide him/her with all the attention and experiences they deserve (NT or not), so we’ll just focus on the one we have. Part of me grief for the fact that I’ll never have a “normal” parenting experience, but it is what it is., Have you had genetic testing done? We had genetic testing before deciding whether to proceed with a second child. In our case the testing was inconclusive. They found a hereditary mutation, but it's not been seen before so they don't currently know if it is pathogenic. But it was worth doing the testing because they ruled out some serious conditions. For example the geneticist immediately suspected Angelman Syndrome when he met my son, and 25% of Angelman Syndrome cases are hereditary. The Angelman Syndrome test came back negative for de novo AS, and the WES also came back negative for the hereditary form of AS. After ruling out these serious conditions I was happy to proceed with a second pregnancy. Our son is an absolute joy. He is a very happy boy (which is partly why the doctor suspected AS!) and has a good quality of life. There will be a 5 year age gap between our kids (I'm due in October), so we also will be getting respite while our son is at school. I recommend a large age gap if you do have a second child., Me. I’ve always wanted two. When I was a child, I enforced a family rule when we played the board game Life that I would be allowed to adopt if I was nearing the end of the board and only had 0 or 1 kids 😂 I’ve always loved kids and babies. Now I can’t imagine doing all the same stressful things you mentioned AND having another. We already have an ABA therapist in our house 6 days a week; no free time or privacy. Also I don’t like the thought of my son or my hypothetical second kid not getting enough attention/parental time because of how much stuff needs to get done. If I were 5 years younger, I’d consider going for another when my son is 6. But I’ll be 40 by then. Not going to lie: accepting this has been agonizing. I think about it every day and worry I’m making the wrong choice, especially since my son loves babies. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it as long as I live. As weird as it may sound I think it’s good you were already leaning towards one and done before all this, as you won’t have to parse as many regrets as you would if you really wanted more., Yes. At least I'm 90% sure. My son is currently level 3 and while I would love to have another child and have a sibling for him I'm just not confident we could have a NT child and/or not have a child with the same or worse/more disabilities. My heart aches for one sometimes but sometimes I'm just content with my one very active and amazing son. I'm getting pretty old so I think it's likely not going to happen but honestly we weren't trying for him lol, We had our second before we even suspected ASD for our first. Now we're expecting our third (a total surprise baby tbh) and only now we are starting to grasp the amount of help, therapies, and accommodations our oldest needs. He used to go to regular daycare and preschool, but since we moved and his symptoms all got worse, he's been rejected from every single one we've applied so far. We are already spread super thin and have no family help nor the economic means to hire anyone. I already feel very guilty towards our youngest (NT so far) since the oldest takes up so much of our attention and time... so to say that I am terrified of throwing a newborn in the mix is an understatement. Had we known about our oldest beforehand, we would totally be one and done. So kind of thankful for our ignorance, because we love number 2 to bits. But man, is it difficult!, yup, same here. we started our family journey wanting 2 kids. our 1st (and only) baby was an IUGR and SGA NICU preemie and we have zero support system despite trying to build one, we began to rethink a second kid. after the recent ASD and SPD diagnosis we decided most likely not going to have a second. not out of fear for another ASD kiddo, but because we just can't have a second child with the time and emotional constraints involved with our first kid. add in no support system and it's a recipe for burn out. our son will be 2 this month., I just had my second child not long ago. My first is still undiagnosed but j know deep down he’s somewhere on the spectrum. I can tell you the anxiety and fear I feel about this baby is unreal. The milestones , looking for signs. Etc. I’m also trying to soak in the baby phase out of fear he could Be more severe than my son. Do I regret having another? Not at all., It’s one of many reasons. But probably like 5th in order of importance… PPD is number 1., I have 3 kids. Everyone in the house is AuDHD. I'm busy and tired and sorting out therapy and working and balancing it all is hard, but I have zero regrets., I am, but my wife is not. We’re likely separating over the issue, which sucks. My son really needs a home with two parents. But I’m very firm on my decision., My first born is level 3. I was 6 months pregnant with my second son when I found out. I would never have had another child if I had known before becoming pregnant. We had did all kinds of tests with my first son (and second) because I was 35/37 during my pregnancies. All the tests/amnio were normal. I actually thought about abortion (too far along) and adoption when I found out my first son was severely autistic and pregnant with my second. When they brought my first autistic son to me in the delivery room he was so alert and cooing. When they brought my second son to me (who actually was born in the hospital parking lot) he just sort of flopped forward. I was sure that he was autistic but loved him immediately. I just kind of figured my second son was autistic. But one day I had to go to a mailboxes etc.. to notarize a paper. I had my second son who was about a month old with me in his carrier. I was looking around at all of the balloons on the ceiling, the teddy bears, etc... There was colorful stuff everywhere. I looked down at my son and he was fixated on my face. My older son never did that. Most babies prefer their mother's faces. I knew at that moment that my second son was probably not autistic. He has been the biggest blessing. He is so much like me. We laugh and have so much fun together. And he is a loving brother to his older autistic brother. He can actually hang with his brother which allows my husband and I to do quick date nights. My boys are 18 and 20 now. My autistic son is the nicest person that I have ever known. And not because he is autistic, he's just a very loving guy. And my youngest son is smart, funny, and loving. It's been fun getting to do "normal" milestones with my youngest like teaching him to drive, sending him to prom, graduation, and now college. It's astounding to me how easy it was to raise a non-autistic child, but maybe I just lucked out with my second one. I love both of my sons. They are both kind, loving, wonderful boys. It's been very hard with my autistic son. But I think that I am at the point of acceptance and actual happiness. The key is not to compare yourself to other families (real life, TV, Instagram). I measure our family's success by the amount of love we have. And our home is filled with love. I still worry and feel scared for my autistic son's future. I don't want anyone to ever hurt him. But I feel better knowing that his brother will be there to look out for him in the future., I was far into a second pregnancy before I became really worried my oldest had autism. We'd planned to be done after 2 anyway. If we hadn't, it would have been a certainty after the second diagnosis. I don't have it in me to do it a third time, and we're finally getting to some calmer years., The decision was made for us because I was diagnosed with cancer when my daughter was 2 and the treatments left me infertile but we think its for the best so we can focus on our daughter., I decided to never have another after my son not because I thought I couldn't stand anymore but because I felt he needed my full attention but I never wanted a big family so ymmv, Yes. One and done here, We always planned to be “one and done.” The *only* waffling for us came the day we found out we were having a boy. That was the moment I learned my wife was hoping for a girl… Ha!, Me!! I absolutely could not handle another!, I didn't realize how much work my neurotypical child was without outside help. We weren't ready to have a second until he was 12. It's much more effort this time around. We simply don't have the resources - socially, financially - to ever take care of another child., We always wanted two. My wife was an only child and did not want the same for ours. We are worried, but ultimately I think we are going to try for a second., Absolutely one and done at this point. The attention, time and money raising my son takes is definitely a huge factor. I have ADHD myself and I don’t think I could handle 2. I can barely handle my son and his NT cousin at the same time when they are both in good moods without feeling like I’m shorting one of them on my attention. We did consider having two because we certainly have the love to give but recognize the gamble is not worth it for us to have two with similar needs in terms of parental attention. Plus I did have pregnancy complications that further convince me I’m overall OK with the decision., Yes. I wanted more but I feel that it wouldn’t be fair to my son who needs all of my attention. Plus, autism is genetic. I wouldn’t change him but I definitely couldn’t handle two of him. It does hurt to know I can’t have any more kids but I know I’m making the right choice. It would be selfish of me to get pregnant again just because I want another., Yep, one and done. My child has many complex needs. I had to weigh it up and ask myself would it be fair ok my child? Would it be fair on a new baby when I have no time to spare? Could I mentally cope? It does make me sad sometimes that I won’t have anymore children or experience bringing up an NT child but that’s life., I have twins, both on the spectrum. We were thinking about more children, but the thought of having more children with autism or other disabilities is a real possibility and I just don't think I could handle that., My son was born with CHD and life has been exhausting since day one. I couldn’t imagine trying to deal with another child when the one we had took all of the time and energy we had. I do regret very much that we have no other family and my son will be alone one day., My wife wants a second child, but I'm one and done. Our 5-year-old son is level 3 non-verbal, and to call him a handful is being charitable. On top of all that you would imagine, he's also prone to violent tantrums where he lashes out at us and other children; the younger and smaller they are, the harder he hits. I told my wife that I have nightmares of bringing in another child and having the baby scream in the middle of the night, waking up our son, who rushes in and punches the infant in the face. Our son drains us emotionally, spiritually, and financially. We have no nearby family that can help us; we're on our own. Our bank accounts are staying steady, but another child - especially if they ended up special needs - would bankrupt us. By every metric, I don't see how our family could survive another child. At the end of every day, I feel like I am a single pat of butter that has been spread over an acre of toast, and I don't know if it will ever get better., One and done here. Son was in an out of district placement at age 3 with two siblings sets in his class alone. He's a beautiful human being. 22 now. If we knew another one would have been a similar experience to raising him, we would have. We weren't rolling the dice., We had our first son in 2018 and our second son almost 2 yrs later, pre autism concerns. They are both on the spectrum, however, as they both are somewhat verbal, have minimal sensory issue and little to no behavioral problems, our lives are hectic from the amount the therapy… but progressing. (Which is a privilege I know) The boys are incredibly close even though they don’t have a traditional sibling relationship. (Mostly indirect play, but embracing the companionship) We’re still able to travel, they have friends etc. but these are all VERY NEW developments. My oldest has been getting 40 hrs a week of ABA since he was 2.5 and the little started ABA shortly after turning 2… it’s so hard to tell what your future will look like with kids on the spectrum. We’re discussing a 3rd now but only because things have radically shifted… we never thought they would be where they are., I have 5 year old twins that are low-functioning. We started the diagnostic process shortly before their first birthday. After discussing with their doctors, we decided they were it. We had to have fertility help to get pregnant after trying for years, so we were shocked to discover I was 13 weeks pregnant just a few weeks after their first birthday. We were terrified, but it has turned out great. Our little surprise is neurotypical and after getting to experience all the “normal” milestone achievements and development, we wish I hadn’t had my tubes tied so we could have another. Some days it’s overwhelming to have two who require so much and another thrown in the mix, but they’re all so different and loving and sweet, we’re lucky to have them., I have 2 boys. They are actually the loves of my life, but I wish I didn't have a second. The older one gets less than half my time, and I feel like a shit father. I would absolutely recommend 1 and done, We had two more after our level 3 non verbal daughter. Sure enough one is also ASD but lower level, other one likely same. Hard to not play favorites here but the older one is so loving and joyful (except to his little brother, suddenly he's a mean jerk) towards everyone. Everybody always gives him all the attention because he's just so delightful. While they certainly spread us even thinner, and I absolutely love my daughter, I think it may be worse if all we had to focus on was her constant struggles. It's been good for her too. She hated him at first but loved both by the time they next little brother came along., It’s so different for every family. Weigh out the pros and cons with your partner. It’s very daunting at first, but whether you decide to have a second or not you’ll make it work. We had our second child about a year and a half ago and for us it’s been great for our autistic son to have a little buddy. They don’t always get along but when they do they learn so much from each other and keep each other entertained., By the time I had gotten a diagnosis on my oldest I was already 3 kids in. They all have ASD. then I was like lemme have one more and I’m pending her results for ASD. Fucking sucks when ALL your kids are on the spectrum., We are one and done. I’m visually impaired and can not drive. My pregnancy had some complications. I still wanted a 2nd but my husband did not. He’s a wonderful husband and father. He asked if I could just be happy the 3 of us. I’m 43 now and my son is 10. Until he was 7 I would ask and he still felt the same. We have friends that are now our family. We have 2 dogs. It worked for us., Yup. Just don’t have the energy or capacity to take care of more than one., Not "one" and done, but we had every intention of having 3 children. However, when my second was diagnosed autistic, it stopped all discussion of #3., I think my partner and I had already agreed to be one and done before our son was officially diagnosed. I am also sure that his autism was a big factor just due to the challenges of parenting an (then undiagnosed) autistic child as a (then undiagnosed) autistic parent. It isn’t that I am scared of having an autistic child—a guarantee of an allistic child would probably appeal to me even less because my own autistic-drive for “fairness” would be pushed to the limits if I had multiple children with extremely different needs. My son benefits enormously from having my attention and if I had another kid he’d necessarily get less of it. He may also benefit from having a sibling, don’t get me wrong! I think there are always multiple factors that go into a decision like this. I found pregnancy extremely difficult with hyperemesis. Our son didn’t sleep through the night for 2 years. So I didn’t actually sleep properly for more than 2 and a half years. That would have made the decision for us anyway. Then two autism diagnoses later just confirmed it., I always wanted two children, but after my first sons diagnosis we were trying to talk ourselves into being one and done. It didn’t work and now we have a 5 month old., We were going to go that route, but I had teenaged children from another marriage, and I was 36 when I had my 8 year old. Eventually, we decided to have another, because of my older children didn't want any connection with them after we are gone, they'd have each other. We worry about them being alone once were gone more than anything else. My 4 year old is Ali on the spectrum, and while they have very different personalities, they play with each other, and love each other. It gives me a lot of hope that everything will turn out OK., I have an almost 4yr old autistic girl and an almost 2yr old neurotypical girl. Theyre 22 months apart. I had a feeling when I got pregnant with my second, that my first was autistic. She got her diagnosis at 2yrs, 3 months. When we brought her sister home for the first time she freaked out. Probably the worst behavior I've ever seen out of her. She hit me, pulled my hair, bit me, pinched me and cried and screamed. She *hated* her sister. BUT, now they're inseparable. They love each other so much. They give each other hugs and kisses and help each other. It's the most beautiful bond I've ever seen. There are still bad days but the good far outweigh the bad. It helps that she goes to daycare AND early childhood. She starts 4k in July. They do OT and speech at early childhood currently. And I said absolutely not to aba which also helps our schedule., Yes, but it wasnt shortly after he was diagnosed. After experiencing how its like with the therapies and how its like for school, its too much for me. I cant imagine how it would be like with 2. I am able to focus all my attention to my son right now. I am the primary parent as well when it comes to scheduling or basically anything to do with my son. Plus i work a full time job. Luckily i have my mom as a respite provider, or else i would have to pay her child care. I cant afford child care for another kid even if they're NT., I would have if I could have. My son (second born) was diagnosed with autism and we we’re already pregnant with our third when he was diagnosed. As much as I love my youngest he’s already showing many of the same symptoms of autism as the middle one did and I’m wracked with terrible guilt that we could have avoided him having hardships for his life. We have three kids, no support system, never leave the house and it’s incredibly stressful. My oldest misses out on so much because of the needs of the second, nevermind what adding the third did to the equation., One and done. Our child is almost 6. Things have finally started to fall into place with managing school, work and a social life. I can’t imagine restarting everything. We also have very little in support. Our parents are older so it’s hard to rely on them., We decided one and done pre diagnosis. Quite a small support network and cannot rely on grandparents as they either don’t drive or I wouldn’t leave my son with them for longer than an hour., for my dad i was a one and done case, but my mom was 34 and my dad 32 when i was born so having more kids after that was risky especially with an increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities and other conditions. i have an older half sister who is level 1 but we don't share a dad, and there's too big of an age difference and difference in how we were raised for us to have much of a sibling bond. having a second kid is a decision that needs a lot of consideration. i had a lot of privilege growing up as an only child but i was very lonely, but i don't think having any more siblings would have been great because as a teenager i needed a lot more support than my stepsiblings and it was extremely obvious, My Husband and I decided to only have one because I was 37 when I had her. She’s 11 now and has Autism and ADHD. But my age aside, given that she has Autism and that combined with the fact that we are getting older .. those were and are factors in our decision not to have more children. My husband has one older son from a previous marriage too., I worry about this sometimes... I always wanted five kids and I had my first three in rapid succession (2015, 2016, 2017). The oldest and youngest are neurotypical, but the middle has AuDHD and I just don't know if I can put myself through this again. Though, with everything I've learned and given the fact that my other kids will be older and more helpful, maybe it'll be easier if there's a next time., We have decided to be one and done but originally wanted two kids. I can’t take the risk of not being able to give my son the attention he needs, if our second child had autism as well I don’t know if I could handle that financially and mentally. Even if they didn’t and were neurotypical I think I would struggle I get overwhelmed easy and we both work full time. It makes me sad but I know it’s the right decision for our family, we get asked all the time about another and it’s frustrating to constantly have to explain myself, We’re feeling one and done for the most part, well I am as the mom. As much as i’d love for my son to have a sibling, I just don’t think I could handle another child whether they have asd or not too. I’m already mentally exhausted!, Yes , I decided one and done and my child is now eight . We are all very happy with this . There are a lot of kids in her class that don’t have siblings, so that helps . She did go through a stage of wanting a sibling , but she doesn’t anymore. I love being in a family of three. My friends who have NT kids , most have two kids and they seem very stretched for time. I like have energy for my hobbies and sleep etc. Also financial we can afford to look after her well . 😊, I’m so in two minds over if we are done, I had hyperemesis in pregnancy too so have absolutely no idea how I would survive another pregnancy with my 4.5yr old. I feel like I’ve been cheated a typical motherhood experience but could full well have another autistic child so it’s not like another kid would give me the typical experience, Oh yes. I always wanted 2 children. I didn't care about gender, I just wanted to have 2. My plan was to have my first, wait 1-2 years, then have the second quickly so it would be done with. He started showing signs at 1 year old, diagnosed at 19 months. Then the 2nd child was paused for a bit. Then we decided we just can't handle a 2nd kid. I call my first a "2-in-1". I'm a SAHM, and my husband works. Between all the therapy appointments, the things we want to do with our lives, chores, maintenance to our house, etc. we literally have no time to add a 2nd kid to the mix. My husband is approaching age 50, and he's just not able to handle another child, especially if we get a 2nd child with autism. My son already has issues with sleeping and stool withholding, which stress us out, and we don't want to add to our stress. We were on the verge of divorce for a bit, got marriage counseling, and are now doing a lot better. But it was rough. We knew we couldn't do a 2nd child. It would break us, and our son needed our full attention. It was hard, though, I have spent the last year grieving that 2nd child I will never have and feeling so sad and like the decision was made for me. We have agreed if we ever change our minds, we will be adopting. Pregnancy was very hard on me, and my son is physical in his play so we're worried about him potentially hurting me if I were pregnant. Not to mention the COSTS. Here in Ontario, they have gutted the Ontario Autism Program, so thousands of families are stuck waiting and unable to pay for therapy. We are well off financially, and I still feel like we get drained, therapy is so expensive! Having a 2nd child would be rough, but having a 2nd with autism would probably kill our bank accounts, especially with the current lack of support from the government. I like being able to buy a pizza when I feel like it, and I don't want to lose that financial freedom by having a 2nd right now., My youngest was diagnosed with autism. I unfortunately cannot have any more children due to being diagnosed with ovarian cancer 4 years ago. So no more babies, but we were done with two anyway., We were also one and done. I'm grieving I will never experience "normal" motherhood as my 5yo son is barely verbal so we briefly considered having another child but quickly decided against it. We are not young and my health is somewhat poor, we don't have enough money and emotional recources for another child, We had our second before our first was diagnosed. It was the best thing we could have done. Our youngest is not on the spectrum and our oldest has a best friend and someone she can learn social skills with., Yes. No more children here as I do not want another autistic child and I have been very very clear with that. I think where we differ is I want my child change. I want him to get better. I want him to improve. He has shown some improvement in the areas of emotional intelligence and language. But it’s not enough to convince me to risk doing this again., My son has a rare genetic condition + autism and we found out about both when I was around 5 months preg with our 2nd. Lots of ppl assumed his diagnoses would’ve made me want to stop after 2, but in fact the opposite is true. Now I feel like my younger son will have so much responsibility for his older brother and adding one more to the mix could help. Ugh it’s very hard. I’m told all the time to just wait she see how we feel (especially bc we have a 6 month old now and I just had a stroke in December so I really need to chill lol) but it’s easier said than done. Having our first son have the issues he does changed everything. Then my health issues changed everything again. These weren’t our choices so it’s hard to grapple with. I guess just solidarity here for our lives not quite going the way we thought they would! Good luck to y’all., Let me promise ABA doesn't change your child, it just gives them the ability to be more independent., I already had two when we got the diagnosis. My ND son has benefited greatly from having a little brother. He has conversations with his brother at a level that isn’t possible with other kids. His brother has also benefited. I’ve been told by his teachers that he is very inclusive of all kids in class, NT or ND. I love both of them, and all of their uniqueness. My second brought far more joy than stress to my life., I'm pretty scared about having more, but maybe I'll take the leap. I'd like to leave offspring behind to take care of each other so I can pass away in peace., We went ahead and had a second. He is on the spectrum too. Now we’re two and through., We wanted more. Our son was colicky, had tongue tie, and started getting kicked out of daycares. He's 3.5 now. We're just starting interventions. We both work full time. We're barely surviving. All of our leftover energy goes to our child or to planning next steps for him. We don't have the bandwidth for two. And I'm not sure my son has the bandwidth for a sibling. His relationship with our dog has grown stronger and is heartwarming to see though., ❤️, This happened to us. Though, our second was already born when we had our first diagnosed. Our first is lvl 2 and second is lvl 3., Oh my gosh, same for me. ❤️, This is exactly my husband and I. Our oldest is 4 non-verbal, no levels here, but just our most favourite wee boy in the world. We then had our youngest who is coming up for 1.5. Watching their relationship grow and how much they care for each other, even though its not always easy, is wonderful. I love that they have each other., This was so endearing to read. Currently pregnant with baby #2 myself and our first and only child is level 2. We were almost one and done because of it but our family just didn’t feel complete., I can totally relate to your post, as I think maybe autism runs on my side . I’ve spend many days and nights with the parental regret. If you don’t mind me asking are you in the 5 boroughs? I’m in Queens, NYC. Maybe I can message you? I’ve been trying to find more information on resources for my son. You stated,” there is a lot of support”, and I haven’t been so lucky to experience that. If you can share information on it I would be so grateful!, > I love my daughter with all of my heart, but I have a cousin who is Level 3 ASD so I'm pretty sure she got it from me, and I don't want to pass it on again. I hope that doesn't sound horrible. Not horrible at all. One of the same reasons we are OAD. Our son has thankfully landed on the Level 1-2 range, and I am terrified of having a second child who is more severe. I already struggled with Level 1-2. I'd fail utterly at handling Level 3. Props to all the parents that do cause damn it sounds so hard, way harder than what I am going through with my own son., No advice just wanted to send you virtual hugs!, I'm the same way. We were OAD before we knew my son was autistic, but we knew it was hard, and now that he has started therapy it's like, oh, we were definitely not meant to have more than one child. We have no support network and both work full time, and it's a whole thing. I'd rather be able to give 100% to this specific child than try to split my attention among children who also may or may not be autistic., Same!, My fear with having a second child with ASD are for the same reasons you listed. Stretched too thin, not enough help etc etc. I’m already so tired, lol. thanks for your reply!, I empathise so much. Reading your comment made me feel the anxiety in the bottom of my stomach. My first is also undiagnosed on the spectrum and I have a 7 month old and my anxiety is through the roof. I have a feeling he is also on the spectrum and it’s just the dread of him being more severe. Hard to enjoy the baby phase. But also love both so much., This is the way. I had my first son diagnosed after we were already pregnant. An, as the father, it's Hella stress. But, everyday my son goes through ABA and the things are starting to click for him makes me feel proud. My new born is just about 6 months old. I feel the stress of the what if... but who cares I love my kids I don't care if they are oddball. They are the coolest kids I know. 😎 and them thinking out side the box always provides the "we should always cherish the small things", This was so beautiful. Thanks for sharing ❤️, I guess what I meant by that is of course I want my child to grow (otherwise we wouldn’t be in these therapies). But for me it’s like ok he has autism, it’s not a death sentence. He is who he is. Thanks so much for your reply., Damn. Are they the same level at this time?, same! actually due any day now. this comment was very reassuring and i’m so ready to see them interact and grow together., Of course! Feel free to message me. I will say, my daughters school does so much for her. There's an IEP team on sight. I'm actually in the process of getting her reevaluated to see if she can join the ASD horizon program. I'll be on the lookout for your message tomorrow morning 🙂 Edit: forgot to say I am indeed in the 5 boroughs. The forgotten one, Staten Island lol, Exactly, I highly doubt I could handle Level 3. My daughter has definitely made a lot of progress through the years and I'm super proud. She is super smart and very independent for a 6 year old (personally I think she's a little closer to level 1 but I'm no expert). I still get to have some semblance of my own life. I get to play my video games, do my hair, things we all take for granted. I am blessed. My cousins mother has made her whole life about him and caring for him, and I can't imagine having to do that. I don't know if that sounds selfish, but it's the truth., I have worked with autistic children of varying degrees. In many cases their disabilities make it seem like a death sentence. In many cases they will never live an independent life and will be vulnerable., Yeah, thankfully both I guess 1 (never heard of levels till I joined this sub) and what I guess we would say is mild., Hi!! Omg, I’m now seeing this. Haven’t been on Reddit in forever. I’m messaging you now., Totally agree. We thought we would never get back to playing video games or having lives of our own, and now that our son has improved enough that we actually get to partake in our own things again, we do not want to lose it. I feel like I can dream again, and I do not take that for granted., Oh ok well that's good that it wasn't more severe. I wish I was brave enough to really go out for a second one lol

Anyone tried MeRT?

Anyone tried this? I saw ad today, I am planning to explore, please let me know your experience! Thanks

I had previously asked the sub about this however never received any answers, I guess not a lot of people tried it. What is your opinion about it?, What is MeRT?, No idea. Watched a few YouTube videos and it looks promising. Still wanted some opinion from the group, https://youtu.be/hkbEVPwmmNA?si=sxI7tYSJnIiKjIK5, I had previously asked the sub about this however never received any answers, I guess not a lot of people tried it. What is your opinion about it?, What is MeRT?, No idea. Watched a few YouTube videos and it looks promising. Still wanted some opinion from the group, https://youtu.be/hkbEVPwmmNA?si=sxI7tYSJnIiKjIK5, I had previously asked the sub about this however never received any answers, I guess not a lot of people tried it. What is your opinion about it?, What is MeRT?, No idea. Watched a few YouTube videos and it looks promising. Still wanted some opinion from the group, https://youtu.be/hkbEVPwmmNA?si=sxI7tYSJnIiKjIK5, I had previously asked the sub about this however never received any answers, I guess not a lot of people tried it. What is your opinion about it?, What is MeRT?, No idea. Watched a few YouTube videos and it looks promising. Still wanted some opinion from the group, https://youtu.be/hkbEVPwmmNA?si=sxI7tYSJnIiKjIK5

Apgar score

Hi everyone, apologies if this isn’t the right place to ask but I’ve tried to figure it out on my own to no avail. I was wondering if anyone knows how to access a child’s apgar test results? Admittedly I was very out of it after the birth of my child 8 years ago and the question hasn’t come up since then, I need to access this information for a form for her speech therapy. I strongly suspect autism and/or adhd and assessments for those are in the works. Do I contact her pediatrician or my OB? Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Ask for your discharge summary from your hospital stay. You should be able to get it from either her pediatrician or your OB. If you had MyChart back then, it should be in there., If you don’t have access to MyChart (and live in the US - I don’t know about laws in other countries), you can legally call the medical records for the hospital was child at it and request records - which they have to give you. ( you will likely have to sign a consent form either in person or fax a consent in), Contact the medical records department of the hospital that you delivered your baby in., Thanks so much for your help! I’ll look into that. Have a great day!, Thanks for the advice, I’ll give it a try., Ask for your discharge summary from your hospital stay. You should be able to get it from either her pediatrician or your OB. If you had MyChart back then, it should be in there., If you don’t have access to MyChart (and live in the US - I don’t know about laws in other countries), you can legally call the medical records for the hospital was child at it and request records - which they have to give you. ( you will likely have to sign a consent form either in person or fax a consent in), Contact the medical records department of the hospital that you delivered your baby in., Thanks so much for your help! I’ll look into that. Have a great day!, Thanks for the advice, I’ll give it a try., Ask for your discharge summary from your hospital stay. You should be able to get it from either her pediatrician or your OB. If you had MyChart back then, it should be in there., If you don’t have access to MyChart (and live in the US - I don’t know about laws in other countries), you can legally call the medical records for the hospital was child at it and request records - which they have to give you. ( you will likely have to sign a consent form either in person or fax a consent in), Contact the medical records department of the hospital that you delivered your baby in., Thanks so much for your help! I’ll look into that. Have a great day!, Thanks for the advice, I’ll give it a try., Ask for your discharge summary from your hospital stay. You should be able to get it from either her pediatrician or your OB. If you had MyChart back then, it should be in there., If you don’t have access to MyChart (and live in the US - I don’t know about laws in other countries), you can legally call the medical records for the hospital was child at it and request records - which they have to give you. ( you will likely have to sign a consent form either in person or fax a consent in), Contact the medical records department of the hospital that you delivered your baby in., Thanks so much for your help! I’ll look into that. Have a great day!, Thanks for the advice, I’ll give it a try.

App recommendations for 3yo level 3 who is very low functioning?

Hi all, I see a lot of app recommendations, but they seem to be for kids who understand how to work a tablet or follow basic instructions. My 3yo is level 3. Despite trying to show him how to use a tablet (Amazon fire), he really struggles with it. I’m looking for some really simple easy apps that don’t require the child to follow verbal instructions (press the red balloons now!/etc). If it can teach him things like shapes, words, or colors, that’s awesome, but not required. I would love any recommendations.

My daughter loves this subura game where there are kids and stuff in a city, school, amusement park, hotel, they have all types of them. The kids and characters don't talk and there is no mission but if you push the different buttons and touch different things you'll see them work. For example you can grab a cup and make the child drink, put them in bed, ride a Ferris wheel. It's cool and the more and more she uses it the more new things she finds and figures out. In the beginning I would show her some things like putting a battery in a toy and she would do that in the game over and over and then realized "oh I can try these everyday objects with things" it's very basic even though I'm using the more in depth examples. It's called "sunny school" and then they have all the others I said like daycare, hotel, city, ECT. Also Dr. Panda is a favorite of hers. He like delivers mail and stuff., If you have the Amazon fire and a kids subscription, a lot of the sago mini games are very open to how the kid wants to play. I would recommend those and if your kiddo likes to just move things around, almost like stickers, the Toca world or Dr. Panda world ones are fun. There is also sesame Street art maker that is just art in different mediums, very easy to navigate., We love balloon pop. It is an absolute favorite. It says the name of the number, letter, color, shape, etc. that they say and the game sets them up to incidentally hit the correct balloon. It is so easy for them to get it right. Rv apps as well, though they are more complicated than balloon pop.

Are any of you actually happy with your lives?

Sorry - blunt question. I made a post recently about whether or not i should have children as an autistic person and I kind of went on a whole tangent its in my post history. But i guess the main thing i want to know if any of you are actually happy. I know this is a venting friendly sub which I’m totally in support of I love that this is here and I’m glad i have this access to this kind of honesty and insight. But are there any good parts? When people say all these things they hate about their kid and their lives because of their kid and then follow up “but i love him he’s a blessing” it just makes me wonder how. I want to want a kid so badly. My boyfriend keeps going on about how much he wants to have one once we’re married and I just get so depressed thinking about all this and what a real possibility it would be that our child would be autistic. But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? If anyone could give me any advice itd mean a lot. And if your experience is anything but positive - how can i go about convincing my boyfriend it’s a bad idea.

I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid, I am. I mean, it’s hard. Not gonna lie. But my thought is that life is usually hard in one way or another and though I’m not autistic I am totally blind so I’m no stranger to finding my own way through the rough timres., I’m so unhealthily stressed it’s insane. I love my son but this life isn’t for the faint of heart., The one thing no one has said, but I think is more important than anything else; if you don't want kids, please, please, please don't let anyone talk you into, bully, or shame you into having kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids or deciding it's just not what you want for your life no matter what the reason is. Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women., I’m happy, but more stressed than I would be if my son wasn’t autistic. I have 2 kids 5 and 7. My 5 year old is verbal but not conversational. It’s been a long road of getting kicked out of daycare, scrambling for childcare during school vacations, getting calls from teachers. That stuff is all what gets me stressed more than my actual kid. The rat race of it all. Never ending therapies and appointments. Everything is just harder like doctor appointments. People constantly trying to figure him out when in public. My 7 year old is typical. We live a pretty “normal” life. My older son plays lots of sports. My ASD one is easy going places. We do the movies, trampoline park, went to Disney. He goes to his brothers games. We go to the beach and pool, go on vacation, stay in hotels, fly on planes. No issues. Everything is pretty typical except the language delay. I think if that could catch up life would get a lot easier. I work from home which helps but I can’t have calls when my sons home. Even though he’s almost 6 I can’t tell him to be quiet while moms on the phone he doesn’t understand. My son isn’t interested in peers but that part doesn’t bother me. My older one is extremely social so we get that experience. Me and my husband are introverted so are more in line with my ASD son than the older one. I’m constantly burned out but not just because autism. I work full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule, we don’t have much family help, 2 kids therapy and sports schedules, I’m in the middle of taking the cpa exam. Life’s just always crazy, but I know that my kids are my purpose and do it all for them I wouldn’t change it for a thing though, I love my guy., Autistic solo parent as well. If I didn’t have the resources to hire help I’d likely be depressed. I bought my village and it’s worth every damn penny., I have moments of pure joy. One of them was today. My son and I spent two hours playing at the ocean and on the forest trails. That was a happy time. During that time I was not burnt out or overstimulated. These moments don’t happen everyday but when they do, they have a way of balancing the rest., I might be a much needed person on the other side of the grass, but I'm incredibly unhappy. I have depression and due to my job, insurance isn't readily consistent, so I can't get therapy or medication, so I'm boarding alcoholic so I don't kms. I'm also autistic and the loud noises my daughter makes triggers me, I don't like that it's hard for me to stim around her, she's too needy and requires attention that's hard for me because I often disassociate. She's low functioning. She affects my sleeping and eating routines to cater to her. I have limited income, and we have differing pallets. So almost all my food money goes to her food, often leaving me for days without eating regularly. My daughter is lovely, but society is not. The stress of what will happen to my daughter if I die. The stress of constant therapy, not being able to participate normally in activities like Christmas, halloween, and Easter due to my daughter sensory issues and tantrums. Not being able to talk to her. She can't tell me she loves me or gives me affirmation. She cant tell me im doing a good job. Constantly feeling like a failure as a parent. I'm straight up miserable. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I lowkey gave up on my life, but I try to give my daughter everything I can. She's lowkey spoiled because I know life will be hard for her. And if I knew it would be this hard, I would've never had her. My life was 100% easier without a kid (asd or not). I find being autistic makes parenting a bit harder. I dont like how people will treat her in public when she stims or needs extra support. It stresses me out. Not for me but for her. I love her so fkn much im ashamed I brought her here. I wish our society was kinder to disabled people and kinder to parents., Yes I m very happy! My husband and I make lots of time after our kids go to bed for sex and emotional connection/conversation/quality time so we have a good relationship. I’m the primary caretaker of our 5yo (ASD) and 1yo (typical appearing). We have been extremely luckily that our son is a happy little boy. He’s nonverbal but for the most part he’s really chill. We follow his routine and he’s happy as can be. Lots of hugs, eye contact, face smushing, snuggling. He communicates as best he can and I can usually understand and my husband can usually figure it out 60-70% of the time. We do some “typical” family things like go to all inclusive night at our local museum, family photos, go trick or treating, go to the park. He tends to stress out if it’s too out of the ordinary like someone’s house or a restaurant so we don’t do that but we also have a literal baby lol. We live happily in our bubble. We love our kids. And more importantly we like them and their personalities. Edited to add: I often get overstimulated but that’s where we communicate hey I need to tap out., Autistic single parent with level 2-3 autistic toddler. Like any aspect of life, there are ups and downs, but I can’t imagine my life without this kid. There are struggles but my overall quality of life and life enjoyment increased exponentially. It is the adventure of a lifetime 🌈❣️, No, I’m not happy. It’s been hell. I love my kids, but if I could make my older son be low support needs/verbal autistic or even NT, I would do it in a second. But all I can do is my best and try to build superhuman patience., I am but my kid is 9 now and it has gotten a lot easier within the past year., Nope., Yes, very happy. People post when they have stuff to complain about. I spent all day on Sunday with my little dude. We spent a ton of the lay laughing and just joking around in our own distinctive way. It was a great day and nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't post about it because...well, why would I?, Honestly, I feel bipolar with how up and down everything is. A lot of times I'll say "I hate my life" but it's really a shorthand for "I hate that this is currently my life". I mourn the life I used to have, and sometimes I regret insisting to my husband that we should try for kid(s). I think about the life I could have had were it not for my miscarriages - would I still have had an autistic child? I don't know, and I probably need professional help to work through my losses (regarding the miscarriages, the life I could have had, the "normal" life my autistic child could have had, etc.). I'm still able to find joy in smaller moments and try to look forward to things in the future - just trying to survive this season of life., Had I seen this question a few days ago or maybe even a few days from now and I would have given you a different response, but no. Absolutely not. I really wish I wasn't his mother. I love him so much but I wish he wasn't mine. Someone else could probably be a much better parent than me. It is just a feeling of constant failure no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I know it's not fair to him but I'm starting to resent him. And I hate myself for it. I hate that the only way he pays me any attention is if I bark at him like a drill Sargent. I hate doing it but if I don't then he is just 100% feral. We can't go to the park. He has no sense of danger and it hurts so much seeing kids so much younger than him just miles and miles ahead of him. I don't feel like a parent, I feel like a keeper. Edit about 24 hours later: I debated about deleting this comment due to the pure shame I feel about having written it. I'm going to leave it up because I want others who might feel like I did yesterday to read this part too: I was able to get a good night sleep, and so was he. His behavior isn't really that much different than when I wrote the comment,but my tolerance threshold is much higher now that I've had some time to sleep. I was overjoyed earlier today because he finally wore his ear defenders outside and he was able to play while the neighbor mowed his yard. He bamboozled me today by putting on his boots and picking up his tablet and a blanket. I picked up the keys thinking he was asking for a car ride but he ended up taking me outside because he wanted to nap on the neighbors trampoline snugged up with me. I melted. I still feel awful and ashamed for saying I didn't want to be his mother anymore, but even when I had that on my mind the fact that I love him more than anything never changes., No. And I realize that others here have it worse but I fantasize about not having to deal with the constant daily challenges. I feel trapped because I don’t believe I could ever leave. She’s 8 now. And I’m not sure if or when or how she’ll be able to be an adult and able to live on her own. She’s been kicked out of 3 schools, has lost me multiple childhood friends, lost my friendship with my best man in my wedding, created rifts with close family. There’s no babysitter we can find who lasts so my wife and I rarely get a night to ourselves. She sleeps like an adult and I have to drag her out of bed every morning just so that she goes to sleep before 11pm. If I don’t let her do what she wants she screams, calls me the worst names, says she hates me. And I’m paying $1k a month for her therapy. I wish someone would’ve told me there was a possibility that this could be my life. I thought that because I worked hard in school, got a good education, great career, high income, work from home, that I could be happy. And yet this is my life., We have a 18 YO NT Daughter at College, 16 YO NTish Son at Junior College & a ASD 3 almost 3 year old who is pre-verbal (knows 12 words now). I would define our life as very “Complex” our normal looks very different then most people but we are happy. Tons of therapy and as an example we just had our first movie out in 3 years while LO was in ABA. But he is so very Awesome. Like anything in life the world is ultimately what you make of it. Personal clarity is really the root of happiness., Honestly speaking, having an autistic kid is very hard on the parents. After my daughter was diagnosed, my life turned upside down. I couldn't go back to work because she is severe. Someone has to take care of her or look after her. She is 5 years old. My husband works full time, and he has financial responsibilities, so he can not help me out all the time. So, now, I am stuck with her, and I don't have a choice. No babysitter or daycare wants to deal with her because she is extremely aggressive at times. My life sucks!!! I cannot work, I cannot go out when she is home (unless my husband is watching her) I cannot have time to myself because she is clingy and wants attention or food all the time. I have become a prisoner in my own home!!! She is completely non-verbal and has extreme sensory issues. Respite care is only 20 hours per month in the state I am in. Most respite care providers lack staff to even give you a break. Honestly, I hate my life, I regret everything. I regret getting married. I regret having my daughter. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. I am just so burned out and so fed up that at times, I don't want to deal with it at all, but I don't have a choice. I miss my old life..so, think before you make that decision...life is not going to be easy if you have an autistic child., If you’re having questions like this without kids don’t have them. Simple blunt and to the point., I love my son - not any more or less because his autism. I love him because he's him. His Autism is a DISABILITY but does not define who he is as a person. I absolutely hate his Autism. My son is level 3, pre-verbal but in actuality still predominantly non-verbal. Autism is parenting on EXTREMELY HARD mode. Some people will sugar coat the shit out of it but trust, it's not for the faint of heart. Don't let tik tok, Pinterest, Facebook and this other social media fool you. Autism isn't a cute quirk, or a different type of brain wiring. It's a disability that requires, for some families, an insane amount of resources and time. If you know you may possibly be autistic, have autism in either of your families then think long and hard about having biological children. It's "cute" when it's a 2 minute tik tok or a gushy validation seeking Facebook or even reddit post but when you're looking in the face of a person you love most in the world, who you chose to bring in this world and KNOW they will struggle more than a person who is not disabled it's not so cute. It's not so quirky. It's not AUSOME 🙄. It's more often than not heartbreaking. Not coming for you, just giving you a perspective from a mother who loves her son more than her next breath but if I would have known my son would be disabled I would have never ever offered him up to this world. He deserves so much better than what life has in store for him. Much love., Omg I love my life and my son with autism is one of (if not THE) best part of it. I think jt comes from a partial place of privilege bc we’re dealing w mostly not huge “challenges” rn speech delay and lack of interest in peers. He’s 3 and I know things will be harder as he grows and little kid problems grow into big kid problems. But my day to day life is made better everyday from my son. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him happy and helping to contribute to whatever he’s super interested at the moment (rn it’s letters/the alphabet). Even today I can easily say the highlight was a new alphabet book I got him arriving and him screaming w happiness and kissing the book saying “so happy” after he finished looking through it each time., Wouldnt say happy. But i wouldnt say its because of my daughter either. I just had a child too young and the lack of resources and financing (i make a decent salary for my age but insufficient for where i live). Having children is to sign up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc. to at least some degree. The grass is never greener on the other side. I dont know what life would be like without her because shes here. And I wouldnt want a world without her. Even if i regret how/when/with whom i brought her into this world., You could ask this same question on a general parenting group and you would find the same varied replies. Not all autistic kids are the same with support needs and not all parents and sibling dynamics are the same. People are going to have drastically different experiences. Also, most people who are happy don’t go posting about being so happy. So you are only going to see venting. I would say the answer is it’s highly dependent on your personality, your kid, financial resources for help, a village to help, etc., Honestly, this is the wrong few weeks to ask me this. So as of right now? no There are *things* that make me happy, but on the whole? No., Apologies, I’m about to be the outlier here. And sorry this is long! At the moment, no, I’m not happy. My husband and I are pretty stressed out and have been since our daughter was born five years ago. She was only one when the pandemic started so we had the added stressor of trying to keep the baby and ourselves from catching covid. She would have gotten diagnosed earlier if not for the pandemic (for a variety of reasons, including *we had no idea that her behavior wasn’t typical* until she was about three years old, because we were pretty isolated, because stupid pandemic). We thought it was just the terrible twos until we saw what NT three year olds were like and realized something was off. We might be in a happier place now if Covid hadn’t happened, ha. The irony is that with pandemic plus a very needy baby at the time, we decided not to have any more kids…but our kid would probably do well with a younger sibling, and it would take some of the pressure off us to have to play with her all the time. As of now we can’t go out to eat at restaurants or do normal family things because our kid is kind of a nightmare when I’m around. Pretty sure she masks around everyone who isn’t me, so I see all the less than stellar behavior. She and her dad can go out and do stuff. She and I can’t. She runs away from me, doesn’t listen, screams at me, etc. ABA helps somewhat but not enough that we can do typical family things. My advice on having a kid: you should only have one if you absolutely want to!! I 100 percent wanted a child, had IVF to have her, and it’s currently not going as I had hoped (and that’s an understatement). I do have hope for the future, having read others’ stories here about their kids mellowing out as they get older. You never, ever know what you’re going to get with a child. Having one is such a crapshoot. Usually it turns out okay. Sometimes it doesn’t. You have to be prepared for the unknown and okay with things not turning out how you hoped., My kid is the sweetest kid ever and my favorite person in the entire world. He makes me want to live forever to be there for him. My unhappiness is due to my own mental health, I probably should not have become a mom until I got that in check, but I am, and I have to be better for him., i’m really happy, but my daughter is also low support needs and really only struggles with social skills and is still quite far behind verbally. she’s naturally pleasant and easy going, and she doesn’t display any “extreme” behaviours, so this is probably contributing to my level of happiness. i am sure i would be absolutely crazy about her no matter her level of support needs, but we definitely have it pretty easy when it comes to parenting an autistic child., My son is 5 years old, level 3, and nonverbal. He's the love of my life and I'm extremely happy. I would do anything for him. Realizing that he was autistic finally made me apply myself, I now have a job with good insurance that pays for his ABA at 90% (plus HSA funds for the rest). I've earned two degrees in order to switch careers because I know he'll have high needs throughout his lifetime. That being said, of course the isolation, destructive behaviors, sleep disturbances, and communication difficulties add stress on top of having plenty of stressors in my life already. I do have to vent sometimes, being a parent of a child with his needs isn't for the faint of heart. I don't know anyone IRL who would understand what I'm going through so sometimes I have to whine online., So I can say as a parent of a Kid that has Level 1 and Auditory Processing Disorder. I wouldn't want him to have kids. The likely hood that his children would have Level 2 or Level 3 is highly likely. He's got it bad enough i couldn't imagine having children knowing that they would have it harder than you. I just don't think it's worth it and it's not fair to the child., The experiences are going to vary widely, but I think the most important thing here is that you are trying to find any sliver of hope to convince yourself to have kids. I think you were clear in your other thread that your boyfriend is the primary motivation behind this.  I'll be blunt: even now, women tend to do the lion's share of childrearing and housekeeping. In a divorce, fathers tend to fare better than mothers, even years down the line. If you have a disabled child, there's a very real possibility it will impact your ability to work. About 50% of us can't work, myself included.  These are very real, serious things you need to think about.  I will be taking care of my children forever, of that there's no doubt. Had I known my husband was autistic, had I suspected I was, we wouldn't have had children.  Because - it's not fair to bring a child into the world who will always depend on you. It just isn't. If we lived in an ideal world where public education was actually funded and many of us didn't have to homeschool, if group homes were adequately staffed and funded, etc., it would be a different story. But what we're seeing now will still probably be a battle decades from now.   I love my kids. We have happy moments. My 9 year old can now do a lot more, but he will always need help. But my youngest will be 7 this year and it's becoming increasingly obvious how much more severe his autism is. He's leashed everywhere we go and we don't live a normal life with him.  I am isolated a lot. It has absolutely taken a toll on my marriage. We spend some evenings together after the kids are in bed, but as the youngest gets up and down, there's always interruptions. We don't have a baby-sitter.  I have good relationships with my kids - but make no mistake, there is no "me" anymore. I have about 7-10 hours a week to myself. That includes showering time.  This is a very hard life. It'll probably impact you more than a boyfriend or husband. Think long and hard. , I’m definitely happy. My daughter is 20 and nonverbal. She is the happiest and sweetest person alive. It’s not without struggle of course. She’ll never be independent and I’m caretaking far longer than I would have ever imagined. Still I feel so grateful for her. She’s such an innocent and gentle soul. I can’t imagine having missed out on her. I take her out to fine dining places routinely and last year she went to her first live concert and to Disney World. All this took work over years to get here, but sharing these moments with her finally is an indescribable joy. That said, we have considerable privilege in that I work from home and my career pays very well. Money is not a concern. Im healthy and young. I’m entirely self made and a single parent so I also know the other side of it. This life is easier when you have resources and support and no other significant stressors. But I would say the same thing of having children in general. There just are no guarantees. Typical kids can be physically ill, malicious, destructive, unlikeable, violent or any number of other things., The hardest part about parenting to me is not having any family support. My kids, one is autistic and the other probably neurodivergent in other ways (in the process of evaluating him), are actually quite amazing. Yes, there are hard phases and moments. My hardest moment so far has been the transition to elementary school because my autistic son struggled to regulate his emotions when things got difficult for him. Now that we adjusted his IEP, he enjoys school. But I’ve never spent more that a couple nights away from my kids and they’ve never gone a night away from being with me or their dad. The few times they’ve been away from me was when I couldn’t go to my in laws house out of stateso they left with their dad (my hubby). So that part has been hard too, family doesn’t really help daily. They don’t offer sleepovers and my mom always made excuses about it, until I just stopped asking., I am autistic and a parent. I am beyond happy. Most of my life I was so depressed and anxious and burnt out. My husband and my kids changed and saved my life. Still tired but my husband is an awesome stay at home dad retired from the military I work swing shifts 5 nights a week. We have an awesome relationship we had kids after 10 years together. We have one child with ASD and one NT. 18 months away from the youngest starting school and then we will have school days together to ourselves, No. The intense stress is literally killing me. My health keeps deteriorating in new and fun ways, I never know what’s next., My wife and I are both professionals with advanced degrees. Our son was born back in 2017 and he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. We decided having additional bio children wasn't for us just because of how hard the pregnancy was. In July we adopted a baby girl. My son got a tonsillectomy today and has spent the past 3 hours post-op screaming at us and not drinking. Do I wish certain things were easier (for him and for me)? Of course. Anyone who says "they wouldn't change a thing" is painting that overly rosy picture to try and convince themselves. But there has not been a single day in his life that I have ever wished he wasn't here. Your question tho was "are you happy with your lives?". Having a neurodivervent child is harder on your marriage, your personal life and your work life. But I am absolutely happy with my life. My answer would probably be different if I had to stay home all day as the primary care taker because I've found I need to work if even for my own sanity and feeling of self-worth. Whether it's something you'd be happy with is ultimately up to you, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck and thank you for your post. Seeing adults with autism having these kinds of debates give everyone of us grinding daily tasks that are harder than they should be hope for their future., I’m happy sometimes? And not happy other times? At this point, it’s not really because of the kids, though young children are A LOT, regardless of neurotype. Really, I would say I am satisfied and content. If I didn’t have kids I could not have fun infodumping about Pokemon with them and watching them see things I love to do for the first time with happy excitement. It’s really cool. But they’re still people. And so you have to be realistic., I have a very close relationship with my son, he cried so much as a baby and I found inventive ways to soothe him and therefore we developed such a close bond. He’s very cuddly and loving. We do most of the things NT families do, dinners vacations, parks, hikes. We just put probably a little more planning into it than NT families, making sure they have food that he likes, things like that, plan b for I’d things don’t work out. Stuff like that. It’s gotten easier as he’s gotten older and more mature. He’s also very funny and artistic. I don’t thinks I’d change a thing. I have NT kids too and they all have their own challenges that make parenting hard too. I don’t think having NT kids guarantees smooth sailing either. If anything I worry less about his problems with academia and behaviors because I understand him ajd his struggles more than NT kids who just lack motivation or are acting out., No. I have moments of happiness but they’re always tinged with sadness., " I want to want a kid so badly." You don't want kids! You should tell your boyfriend that in very clear terms. Don't have kids because you think you should. I have three kids I always wanted to badly and I'm still drained and resentful a lot of the time. Even neurotypical kids are SO MUCH WORK. I'm not minimizing how much work it is to have an autistic kid - but neurotypical kids still don't sleep through the night, go on food strike, poop their pants, throw a huge tantrum about an iPad, etc. It's so tiring even on good days and I can't imagine doing this if it wasn't something I wanted deeply., I am absolutely happy with my life. My autistic kid is actually my easier one! My frustrations are with the world and how it fails to accommodate him — not my kid who is a total delight and surprises me all the time., Nope. 35 m with a son with ASD and likely ADHD and another son who seems to have avoided both. Constantly burned out, overstressed, irritable. Love my kids, and we're doing our best, but happiness feels a long way off., Yes overall. Most of things I find hardest about our life are more to do with my son’s comorbidities like his epilepsy and disability. My boy is generally a sweet easy going boy who loves cuddles and tries his best (well most of the time lol). We also have a typical 3 year old and that is part of our happiness because we can do a lot of things we envisioned with her and sometimes our boy is able join. Do I wish things were different with him? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret having him. I love him. I like him as a little person. I don’t mind this alternate path a lot of the time., I have a really hard time keeping my house clean but honestly that’s my biggest complaint so I think we are doing AOk and I’m very happy! Our daughter is really flourishing this year - she’s 7 and she just starting wanting to have conversations, she ditched her headphones and has been dressing herself and we’ve had zero accidents! There’s definitely really hard periods but that is life in general, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s wonderful lol, I mean, I’m not depressed. Do I wish things were different, yes. But I’m not necessarily unhappy., I have 2 kids, 4 and 2; my 4 year old was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. He’s verbal and “high functioning”, but there are still things we have to work on and cause stress. I’m in my early 40’s, female, and while not diagnosed, I (and my parents) suspect I’m on the spectrum. My son’s temperament, the way his autism presents is so similar to me as a small child. My whole life has felt like a struggle; relationships, work/career specifically, my mental health. I still struggle a lot of with anxiety and depression and was terrified to have children but wanted them so I gave it a shot (made me anxious, I can’t lie). I can say without a doubt motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s not easy all the time, but they, these two little humans and their personalities, bring me more joy and happiness than anything life has ever brought me. It feels like a gift to be a parent, in my experience. Many days are hard, I’m a full time working mother so scrambling to meet deadlines while getting my son to appts, ABA, etc, is rough, but my husband is very hands on and other family members nearby have been a support system for us. I know not everyone has that but it is a huge help., Not just that your child could be autistic also consider how you as an autistic would handle any child regardless of neurotype. Kids are an around the clock job. They are loud, they are messy, they need attention even if you are in burnout. They make noise when you need some quiet. They have smells and messy diapers. There’s 0 days of bed rotting allowed and you have way more pressure to be organized and put together and everything cleaned and remember stuff like their appts and school things etc. It’s alotttttttt…. Comparison is the thief of joy. I try not to think what my friends with NT kids are doing because their reality is diff. Their kids are eating a variety of food, they’re not hitting themselves in the head, they’re not melting down over basic things, they’re not in some autonomy struggle where a time out or counting to 3 isn’t effective at stopping negative behavior. And it is isolating to not have people to talk to that don’t offer useless suggestions because they don’t understand., Hi, turns out my husband and I are both on the spectrum, we went into it thinking it was just him (adhd was my dx) There are hard parts, for sure. I can't say how your experience will be. I can tell you my children are happy, and most weeks so are we. We can go to festivals on the lake, big outdoor concerts, a whole bunch of things. We can't go to a indoor restaurant as a family, the din is too much. It's stuff like that; you just have to plan around yourselves and your kids. My kids might have different needs than yours. But I just wanted to chime in and say it can be fun, happy, and rewarding. My husband almost never smiled. He didn't really get into much that wasn't his interests. I can't explain to you the joy our children have shown on his face and in his day to day. It's crazy sweet to witness. That said; agree with other comments. If you don't want kids please don't feel pressured. You get what you get and they need from you in a way that can be hard to manage., I wouldn't change my life for anything. My children give me purpose. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, so so overwhelmed and burnt out but I love being a parent and I love their quirks and watching them both stim. I just hope it gets easier managing 2 autistic children who have totally different needs. I don't have a village to help me, I do 99% alone apart from school. The oldest doesn't sleep good. If you are unsure about kids then don't let anyone try and talk you into it. Consider what you'd be giving up, make sure your partner is good with kids and especially clued up on potentially having an autistic child (or more than one). Talk about how you'd raise the child, what values and ideals you want to teach them, parenting goals etc. The mental load is also something to consider. Does your partner contribute to that now? Because if not it only gets worse when you have children. I separated before my 2nd was even born because I wouldn't settle for a deadbeat., Firstly- I 1000% agree with prior post. If you don’t have a deep yearning for children, don’t have them. Second- my life has many happy moments. It also has many moments of despair. There are times when I feel weighed down by a thousand responsibilities. Third- don’t have kids unless you are 100% ready to deal with the consequences of a very low functioning child. My husband and I both know autistic kids from prior relationships. We both love our sons desperately, but it’s not a life I would volunteer for anyone. Fourth- it doesn’t end at 18. Are you willing to have a life often dictated by what your child can do? Are you prepared for the financial consequences? If I had known beforehand that I would have an autistic child, then I would have adopted. I love my son, and that is part of the problem. I can’t protect him from the world. I can only support him. His life will always be a struggle, and that is not a life I would choose for a child, I'm very happy with my life. I was dx with autism the same time as my son. He is my world, and I love him so much that I'm having another in June. I don't even think about our dx most of the time. It's just a part of who we are. My family does better at life than most neurotypical people, so who the hell is anyone to judge me for living my best life?, I'm happy! I had and have problems and stressors, but none of it has outweighed my natural optimism and all the great things my life. And for the past three years, my daughter has been a big part of (both parts of) that. Is it a lot of work to keep up on all her therapies? You betcha. But all kids are a lot of work, so that was a given going into this. I have an extra workload, but I was never going to not be busy and tired as a late 40s single parent. Do I worry about her future? Absolutely. But I'm also very aware that I have it easier than most - she's very chill, fairly adaptive, and very smart. Happy and bouncing all around like a gummi bear. And once I knew she had receptive language, I was able to unclench. If she's never truly verbal (which her therapists do think she will be), we'll figure it out. She gets her messages across very clearly right now (and I'm basically deaf to body language or gestures, so she has to be broadcasting VERY LOUDLY), and we haven't even gotten to writing or an AAC yet. This weekend, we're heading off to Mexico on vacation for two weeks. Last year we went to Disney World. We don't get out nearly enough in general, but that's me being a lazy hermit, not her not wanting to. We go to the playground. The Please Touch Museum. Local fairs and theme parks. Play in the snow. There are places I can't take her (indoor malls, mostly), and things she can't do (fireworks, for instance, or parades). and places that used to be hard to take her but aren't anymore (out for meals springs to mind), but that doesn't mean we're trapped at home., Not happy. Don't have kids., Yes. While kids may be harder some days than others, we live a very peaceful, happy life as a family unit. Both hubby and I find time to pursue our hobbies and even do date nights once a month. That said, 3-4 were really the hell years for our oldest, and things were bleak at that point., I am incredibly happy. 3 kids, 2 with autism, and a husband that works away from home all week long. It’s hard, sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, but I wouldn’t change a single thing., I have two autistic kids, one of which also has ADHD. I'm diagnosed ADHD and suspect autistic as well. Our lives are good. We do have some challenges that NT families don't, but the way I see it, all families will have different challenges. We do things that work for our family. Sometimes that means skipping experiences, or different methods of doing things, or needing extra support, and that's OK. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I have posted about struggles in harder times, but it's not that I resent or regret my kids, it's that I know there are people who will understand without judgment., My happiness (joy) does not come from having my children or their fluctuating levels of difficulty. Don't get me wrong - I greatly enjoy my children and I also face many frustrating circumstances with them too. They are a huge source of joy and love in my life, and I'd like to think more so than a source of heartache and frustration. But I went many years without knowing two of my children and myself are likely on the spectrum (we are not professionally diagnosed yet) and while it's been very helpful in developing patience, understanding, and grace - both with myself and my kids - it has not been the make-or-break factor in determining how my life is going to go. Much of the big changes to living a happier, healthier life have been spiritual for me. I know not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. You don't have to. My greatest source of joy is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything has gotten better and easier to handle once I trusted in Him. It has put us in contact with mentors and people that are like family to us that are guiding us on this journey (and they have ASD kids and relatives too!). A lot of this growth has come with mindset changes and getting rid of old beliefs I used to have about children/families that came from trauma and from growing up in a rather toxic household. (We are NC now and I have never had more peace!) Tackling these issues head on has relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress I used to have around managing kids, a house, a marriage, homeschooling, etc. The last 2 or 3 years have been the best I've ever had, and I can finally hope and believe that things are going to get even better for us still. But ultimately it's been a choice. Sure, there will be difficult days, stressful days, but also happy days and days to celebrate. I cannot and will not push you one way or the other about having children - that's your decision. Whatever you decide, will you choose to look for the positive or the negative in life? Because your joy will not be found *only* in children or parenting., I had no idea I was autistic and now I have 3 very young autistic kids. The stigmatization is very difficult and the constant advocating, standing up for your kids and proving people about your kids are exhausting. I got much more criticism from families than strangers which is very hard. I am lucky my kids appear to be level 1-2 I guess. My older son is pretty darn rigid especially at evenings but other than that he is fine., I’m happy but I do feel I’d be happier if I could communicate and connect with him more. That’s my answer., We seem to oscillate between look at us with our collective shit together and there’s been no aggressions, no one has gotten crab pinched, everyone is CHILL. Then there are times I pick him up from his dad and he bashes his head into the closed car window and usually once I get onto i95, he will unbuckle his restraints and come for my neck quite literally. My son is non speaking, but I feel I fulfill his wants and needs. He is as quick to respond in a loving manner with hugs and kisses as he is to hurt me, or his younger brother. We are his two targets when he is upset. I have remarried, years ago. My husband and son have a very special bond and my husband also just naturally has more patience than I do. He also has four of his own children with his ex wife. The man has experience. My ex husband and his wife have a bad habit of leaving our son out of family gatherings and parties. I can understand going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces. But we take him to gatherings. The pool. The zoo. The park. It’s difficult though since he loves all of those places, I look like a kidnapper trying to get him to leave. I love my boys. I love all six of these kids. He does add a level of trickiness to things we do. We have to be vigilant as he will cut and run. I feel like since we share custody, we get a “break”. My youngest son, who as I said is a target oftentimes, does not get a break from his brother. There’s a lot of anger surrounding that. My youngest is in therapy on his own and also we do family work together. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I have to go hour by hour. It’s the nature of the beast. Plus he’s almost 14. Imagine being a 14 year old boy and going through puberty and feeling so confused. We explain but I honestly and say what he retains and processes. Don’t get depressed over what could possibly be, you’d never get very far. There’s so many variable in parenting and having a family that meshes well. It’s impossible to plan for everything. If you’re thinking this deeply about it, you’re already aware of what COULD happen. When I close my eyes and think of my Parker, I mostly see a giggly goofer with floppy hair that just wants a tickle and some seltzer water. That’s a pretty picture for me to have in my mind., You don’t. If you do not want kids then you don’t want kids. If he does then you two have a major incompatibility and likely need to move on to other partners who share the same life goals. He will resent you eventually for not wanting kids and if you decide to appease him then you may resent him for pressuring you. I know parents of neurotypical kids that are unhappy and I know parents of autistic kids who are happy with their children. My ex has 2 autistic girls and is very happy with them. I find my son to be challenging but not the reason for my unhappiness. If anything he is the reason I left a horrific relationship my life may not be what I had envisioned for myself but it’s soo much better than it was before., I get told all the time what a dear my autistic child is. He is smart (reading at 3) , social (have to rein him in) and loves to compliment people. What I’m unhappy with has nothing to do with him. He is my joy., Hell yeah I’m happy, Having a NT son first, before my NueroSpicy younger son ended up helping me understand this question. I only have boys, but BOTH of them are equally hard., >But are there any parts of your life that are genuinely good. There are some good parts, yes. Overall I am not happy but that doesn't mean it's ALL bad. >Are you able to do any of the normal and fun things that neurotypical families do? Some things, yes. My autistic child is able to handle some activities really well. Strangely, she did amazing at Disneyland lol. She enjoys being in nature so we do a lot of hiking and camping. But other "normal" things like eating at a restaurant is usually a no-go. >Do you have a good relationship with your child and your spouse? I have a good relationship with each of my children. They have their moments where it's all about dad and they don't want me, but for the most part yes. My spouse is another story, though. Our relationship has definitely suffered since having children. >Are you ever not burnt out depressed irritable and overstimulated? I have brief moments where I'm not irritable and overstimulated but that describes probably 90% of my life., It's ok to not want kids if you don't want them , it's your life . Live it how you want . I have a son with Autism and I can't lie at one point I wasn't sure if I could carry on because he was really aggressive and hurting me . BUT that was partly my fault , he can't talk but I wasn't listening . We forget there's a hundred ways to communicate. Once I learnt to watch his cues and listen to him he calmed down so much. He's so much more affectionate and he's happy ! I'm happy ! I love my life now and we work together . I just don't do things with him that other kids do but that's ok . I hated going to the park as a kid and kicking a ball and as someone without autism I love being at home and hate going out so for us we connect haha Once you realise that there are so many things you can do that makes you both happy ie we love spinning and chasing each other , love bouncing then you can find things together . But you have to work at that ., My (now 9 year old) daughter is the very best ‘thing’ that has ever happened to me. She is the light of my life and the joy of my heart. I’m so amazed by how thoughtful, kind, silly, and sweet she is! I’m so thankful every single day for her. It took us over a decade of trying to be able to have her (on my second cycle of IUI at a fertility clinic). Life is really hard and messy and beautiful. She makes me want to be better and do better. It’s a rocky road but it’s getting better through a lot of hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I highly recommend working on your own mental health and your relationship before you try for kids. Once you have children, everything changes, and it’s much harder to manage self-care. If either of you have childhood trauma, please address it asap as it is really triggered when you have your own children., It's ok to not want kids. My 3 year old is level 2 and if he makes the choice as someone who's autistic not to have children I'll 100% support him. But as for your question I'm very happy to be the mother of an autistic child and as far as we know a NT child(he's only 4 weeks old). Of course it can be hard especially because I'm bipolar so I get a little wonky at times but I find my life with children very fulfilling but yes over stimulating more so when the toddler and baby are crying at the same time., What does it mean to be happy to you?, I am the parent of a young child (6m). My stress is not to do with my child per se, but rather the frustration of trying to suss out services/resources. One thing I have learned in life is that everything is a matter of outlook. I came to parenthood relatively late in life(early 40s). In my 20s I focused a lot on the negative things that happened in my sphere of existence. I was not ready to be a parent then. Somewhere around 29 I realized that s**t happens to everyone. It is just a matter of whether or not one allows that mess to be the focus of the rest of one’s day. It was eye-opening and definitely worked to reset my approach to daily living. I didn’t become a different person, but I did work to be less triggered by things I could not control. There came a time in my 30s when a kind of calm just settled over me about becoming a parent and it felt absolutely cosmically right to have a child. I am supremely grateful that I get to discover the world through his eyes and also that I get to help him learn to develop the tools to deal with the world around him. You, OP, may be in an even better place to help your child because unlike me you are also on the spectrum. Is it challenging? Hell yes, but the majority of what makes me frustrated comes from external issues, such as the lack of coordination with respect to available resources and the fact that there is no one place to find them. You never know who your child is going to be personality-wise, regardless of their place on the spectrum. You could have a typical child that challenges you more than any other child might. You could have a child on the spectrum that is amazingly easy personality-wise., No. Always tired, have had to give up pretty much everything that gives me joy because of lack of childcare, about to have to lose a career I worked hard to build (and is the last thing I enjoy as everything else has been stripped off me) as child can’t go to school, plus all the battles with institutions that should be helping but are not - even after a good fight. Life is just more of the same frustrations, getting through each day knowing tomorrow will be the same - or worse. The constant threat of poverty due to the lack of appropriate resources to my child and my likely inability to work in the near future because of that. The very little engagement I get back from my child after all that. It’s lonely and it’s tiring., I haven’t been genuinely happy in years. I can’t remember what joy feels like. I don’t think I can even feel my soul anymore. Sorry it’s bleak!, I’m a “high functioning” autistic woman, with a 6 year old low functioning, non verbal daughter. Her father abandoned us after being ingolved for five years of her life -he was the one who wanted to get me pregnant and manipulated me into avoiding abortion- , he doesn’t pay child support and left me to be the default parent (as always, only this time is worse because I’m almost all alone). My life is hell everyday, and I wish I was dead most of the time., I am AuDHD with two AuDHD children and I would say that I am happy. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and have a massive amount of past trauma, but I’m as “happy” as I have ever been. This life is hard though. Being a parent is overwhelming most of the time but also very rewarding. However, I always knew I wanted kids. Even though it is a very hard life, I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But if you aren’t 100% sure you want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t have a deep longing to have children and feel like your life isn’t complete without them, don’t do it. Being a parent is a 24/7 commitment for 18 years and doesn’t just end at 18. I didn’t know I was AuDHD when I had kids. I’m overstimulated and exhausted basically all the time. I love them dearly though and do the best I can for us all. I would lay down my life for my kids in a heartbeat but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my mind at any given moment. One warning I can give you though, don’t count on having any help. Your bf may be a great person, but 98% of fathers don’t provide half the childcare or emotional support, not to mention the cleaning and running the household. If you decide to go through with having children, don’t do it unless you are prepared to be the primary parent with no support. Mothers often can’t count on family or friends to help either. I moderated a mom support group and the horror stories I read would give you nightmares., im happy for the most part but i think if i had another child, who most likely would be autistic, id lose it and feel regret. my son is only 3 years old and we’ve had a lot of hard moments. its been a real journey navigating this life with an autistic child that the thought of going through it all again makes me already regret it lol. If you don’t want any children, listen to yourself. In the end, moms carry the heavier load of parenting (i know not always but usually) and it can really take a toll on you. i’m pretty sure i’m autistic as well and if i would’ve known before, i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I love my son but I think my mind/body can only handle him., I looked at your other post and I think all of your worries are valid. It's hard. It's really really hard to be neurodivergant with neurodivergant kids, but it is doable. I would suggest ensuring you have all of these items in place before having children: 1) a really strong supportive long lasting relationship with someone who understands neurodiversity and is able to support you during tough times 2) other support people and services like housecleaning, babysitting, therapy etc 3) lots of money so you don't have to work crazy hours outside of the home AND parent 4) healthy coping methods like art, music, whatever 5) access to services for early intervention (if needed) for your child., Very happy. Also very appreciative of having a ND child. Has made me a better and more caring, compassionate person, I am truly happy with my life. My 5 year old is autistic and every day she wakes up I tell her I’m so happy to be her mama. We have our challenges but I’m happy and so is my family., It depends on the day. As of late things have been shit as my son has been having self injury screaming fits for bedtime. Both my husband and I tag team restraining him. It really fucking sucks. If it gets worse, we’ll have to call an ambulance to take him somewhere., What really torments me, is knowing that I'm going to die and leave my autistic child behind. He has a lot of capability, but I don't think he'll ever be *completely* independent. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy. I have a wonderful husband, and we're financially secure enough to easily afford anything we need. My son is pretty happy, loves school, laughing, cuddling, etc. He is a lot of work, but he also makes me very happy (as does his NT sister)., Not happy. If I could go back I wouldn’t have had children., I love my life- i have two kids with ASD. There’s a lot of appointments and therapies which is hard but worth it. And a lot of late nights. My husband seems neurodivergent (and by that I mean undiagnosed) and understands our oldest way better and can better anticipate her needs in a helpful way (just as an example- counting down as I brush her hair because “she just needs to know it’s going to be over” and he was right that helps her a lot) I think being a parent is hard and all parents feel pressure to be a perfect parent and maybe that’s more intense when you have kids with different needs especially because you see all these therapists and specialists. Everyone is slipping on a banana peel away from a disability- which I mean anyone could develop a disability at anytime and life is unpredictable so I wouldn’t let that hold you back because nothing is guaranteed anyway- even for neurotypical kids. Some people are neurotypical and easy to raise- but still grow up to be jerks. Every person born is a chance to make the world a better place. And if you decide it’s not for you that is totally ok too- there are lots of ways to share that love in your heart without having a child., Very happy! With added disclaimer that I think we have it pretty easy with my 3yo. Harder than my friends with NT kids. But much easier than many of the parents here in this community. And that certainly affects the experience. He’s got a few words, getting more, though inconsistent. He doesn’t have trouble telling us what he wants (body language + vibes lol). The harder part is his very limited receptive language. But hey, he has some now and a year ago it was literally zero, so progress. He is snuggly and affectionate. Silly and sweet. He also pinches and bites me at times (I’ve got some battle scars). And tests limits allllllllll the time. But being his mom is a joy. It’s tiring and I get overstimulated. But we are one and done, so we can tag out to recharge when needed. Which is a key reason I can come here and say I’m happy, and mean it., Yes, I am. Even though my 3yo is autistic I feel I got really lucky with most things. She doesn’t have many behaviors, she sleeps through the night, we can easily engage with her. She’s nonverbal but she has her ways of telling us what she wants/needs. I also have older kids 7yo & 9yo and she doesn’t play with them much but she can tolerate being around them without getting upset that someone is in her space. I thank God for her, she’s saved me in more ways than one and made me look at life in a whole new perspective 🩷, If your sole pursuit in life is to be "happy," you'll be a prisoner of this chase forever. Raising kids in general is a tough business. There are so many factors out of your control it's a miracle that they can make it so far, with all the help and village (or lack thereof) to raise them. It's all about perspective; there will be good times, bad times, ugly times and hard times. This is regardless of whether your kids is neuro divergent with ASD or any other health/mental/genetic abnormalities. You have to take a leap of faith and understand your child may or may not be who you thought they're going to be. For many parents with kids that have ASD diagnosis, it's not about finding the typical happiness of rearing a child, but finding deeper meaning in hopes of preparing their kids for a future that they deserve despite having their disability. Good luck and I hope you the best in whatever you decide., I love my children with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. My 9 year old is ND and my 6 year old is NT. My NT kid is just as hard if not harder than my ND kid. And Yes I am happy. Not content but happy. It gets easier as they get older. Not easy, but easier and helping them figure out life and what works is the best and when something clicks for them, oh my gosh. I love when he figures things out. Sometimes he will write notes and it’s like wow you are listening and learning and they are such happy parent moments. He’s the best kid ever (I’m absolutely biased.) and I wouldn’t change our journey because it’s make me, him, his sister and his father better people. We have learned so much on this journey. I love my life. I really do., I often do this thing where I time travel in my head, try to meet my partner earlier, go into a different career, avoid bad experiences or horrible people but every single time I abandon the daydream - because even in a make believe moment I don't want to jeopardise anything via butterfly effect that would stop her coming to me, *exactly* as she is., I will agree with the comments saying don't have kids unless you want them. SERIOUSLY!?! I sometimes think the boomers didn't want children, but they did so because they were supposed to..." they seem like they hated having children. I digress. In all seriousness, I wanted children since I was an adult. I am autistic and my oldest (5) is autistic. My youngest is very different from my oldest, and we're not seeing any of the signs we saw with the older one of autism. We'll see as she gets older. I've never questioned the difficulties and whether or not it's worth it. I am fulfilled most days, even though it's tough. It's easy to complain and vent about the hard stuff. My oldest had an upset stomach on the drive home from school today and was screaming in the car. I wanted to start screaming myself from her ear piercing screams. But then I remember that my parents were quick to anger and quick to violence, and I'm suddenly happy that my daughters get to grow up in a home where they feel like they belong and are loved and accepted as they are. Yes, I'm trying to give them a life I didn't have, but I also love the things we do together. We go camping, we learn stuff together, I share my experiences, and, although the older one doesn't say it very often, I know she loves me and nothing even comes close to that feeling. The youngest is in a daddy phase and I can't get enough. Even if she wants me in the middle of the night or when I don't have much in the tank. It's hard to imagine a world where you are a slave to their every need, but once you're in it, the world you used to live in sewms a little less exciting. I do miss some of the freedom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love it. But remember, if you choose to have kids, you commit. There's no going back. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. Dive head first and don't look back., This is a bit philosophical, so bear with me, but happiness is relative. Happiness is not the goal to achieve in the end. Happiness is the journey. One can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances, and there is joy in little things. You can have the perfect life but still be unhappy, and you can have nothing and yet be happy. I love my autistic child more than anything, and yet I struggle sometimes, even cry, but I wouldn't change my life, not one bit. I enjoy every moment, no matter if it breaks my back. I share this thought knowing that it all sounds a bit holier than thou, and it's not something people who are struggling want to hear, but I know there are parents here who think the same way. This is also something I learned at a young age, but it takes a lifetime to really imbibe it and make it a part of your core. So, to answer your question, yes, there are people here who are truly happy. There are people with neurotypical kids who are the definition of unhappy. It's all a matter of perspective., I am but my son is still small so I worry about the future. I’m currently pregnant with my second., Just something to keep in mind is your child might have much higher support needs than you do. So make sure you have a lot of support. Also I think being am autistic parent is harder in general whether your kid is NT or ND just because of the sensory overload etc Do what's feels right for you! The spectrum is so wide, people will have vastly different experiences., Hmmmm. While I am happy, Im in the stage of my life where it is getting kinda easy, but slowly. Our son is 2, almost 2.5. Progressively getting better! We are extremely proud of his progress, however it is hard. The tantrums, the stimming, not being able to successfully communicate, texture and feeding issues, and his lack of social skills. Aside from those, I can say we take our son to many child filled events. And my kid sticks out like a sore thumb, to me. To any other parent he’s a cute 2 year old, but we know where he falls short so when he is around kids his age it is noticeably sad for us. We want better for him always, but it is hard to not compare, or wonder how life would be. I think as a parent of an autistic kid, you have to really remember the spectrum is different for every kid. Your struggles may not be my struggle, but it does get easier. It just takes time. My son did a 180 from last year, to this year and boy has it made life easier in many ways. Still challenges, but hey… progress is progress. Goodluck, Content and generally happy, Yes - but not blissfully so - we are not Facebook/insta perfect in my household - haha. My SN child is my youngest of 4. Honestly, I can say each kid has their own annoyances and difficult behaviors depending on their stage in life. Sometimes all the kids are difficult all at the same time (or frustrating) and sometimes everyone is okay for a bit, with every combination between. We been at this parenting stage for long time now - our oldest is in college and we just started SN/integrated preschool in the fall for the youngest. Some days are dreadful and take everything in us just to make it to the end of a day (or when the day ends after every both of the sometimes insomniac littles finally falls sleep at 5-8am - Finally!! ). And some days are much easier than others, there may be less arguments that day and I just might see the special bond building between the kids, or my almost verbal youngest kid learns a new phrase and those days are when I feel like I'm rocking parenting and my heart just sails. My husband and I talk a lot about what if we hadn't had the last 2 kids ( one NT , one SN) and we always agree, we couldn't imaging our lives without them exactly as they are. Yes, I wish their lives would be easier to live through (especially the SN kiddo) but I wouldn't give them up or trade them for an "easier kid". We encourage special interests and try to make decisions for each kid based on what is best for them that year regarding schooling and activities. Be weird and unique and learn to laugh at yourself before anyone else has the chance. We use these mantras to encourage each other.... " the days (and phases) are long, but the years are so short." and "When you're going through hell the only way out is to put your head down and keep goin til your through to the other side" It can suck sometimes, but the good times get us through the bad times. It's life set on hard difficulty, but not impossible mode. At the end of the day, I make myself pick one good thing to be grateful or happy for so that I can count it as a small win., If you’re aware and prepared to have them then why not? Teach them about mental health early on and educate them. It was only a problem for me because mental health wasn’t talked about with me and my siblings. Break the stigma and educate. You can have bpd and be a good parent with treatment and that being said my oldest is autistic but we suspect our 2nd baby isn’t because he doesn’t have muscle weakness like my first did and he’s already reaching every milestone he’s supposed to be doing. Sometimes mental health issues can skip generations so it’s not even a 100% guarantee each of your kids will have anything. I drew the unlucky straw and got my dads mental health issues but one of my sisters and my brother are mentally well. But in all fairness if my mom didn’t cause trauma and I knew about what I had then I think I would have been fine., I’m content. I’ve been pursuing happiness since long before I had my daughter, but it’s elusive no matter what your life circumstances are. I often thought I have it easier than parents of NT kids. She’s 17 now and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but I wouldn’t say I was unhappy., How old are you? Had i waited until i was in my 30s, i would probably be happy and able to handle a difficult child. I became a parent when i was just entering adulthood. I was learning to be grown while being responsible for a new life., I'm extremely happy. I love my son dearly and I know he loves me., My answer may vary day to day—even on hard days I’m happy, and even on easy days I can fall into a black hole. But more often than not I feel happy. My daughter will always need help, the world won’t always be kind, but I feel love and give love to her. It’s a gift. But again, ask me tomorrow and I may feel sorry for myself, sorry for my kid, and pissed at the world., Hey mom of two with one ASD son and another that as of now seems to be NT (9 months so a bit early to tell). Autism as my husband and I discovered seems to run on his side and on mine we have a lot of anxiety/adhd. We are very lucky to have an overall easy and happy child and truthfully the luck and support seems to be what makes our life easier. We do have hard days where neither boy is happy or I’m overwhelmed or my husband is. But we make it work and we make time. We have a lot of very supportive family that is always able to watch the boys for us to go and be a couple and just get a break. We did have a hard with our son’s initial diagnosis, but since then we’ve learned to celebrate all of his accomplishments and advancement. We both love our boys very much and care for them, having had them willingly and consciously. Funnily enough our NT presenting child is actually who my husband has struggled with more. So I feel like everyone’s situation is different. We find joy in going out as a family and introducing our sons to new experiences but again all situations are unique since our son is pretty easy going and loves to try new things. At the end of the day I find that those that consistently regret children the most are the ones that had to convince themselves into having them. Children should be a choice that you make enthusiastically. Because it’s better to possibly regret not having had a child than regret having had one., If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have replied, " Hell no! 1 star--would not recommend." I would have gone back in time and talked myself into sterilization. We almost didn't survive. Things are better now, but I am still working through a lot of C-PTSD from the rough years. I still struggle to feel "motherly" towards my eldest (17M/lvl3/ in residential due to violence). The little dude (14/lvl3) is alright though. He has his meltdowns occasionally but nothing like his brother and we can handle it. Haven't had to call the cops once yet (for violence, that is...he is an eloper but we have him tagged now). I'm glad we made it, but the dark days were baaaad. I'm glad I didn't let the darkness win and end up on the evening news. If I knew what I was going to have to go through, then I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do it. I'd be a lot richer too, but that's a minor consideration for me., Happy is an emotion that comes and goes with current factors. Some days/seasons we’re far from happy. It’s miserable and it feels like we’re in endless darkness. Other moments bring unthinkable happiness…my little guy finally catching a specific species of fish he’s been reading about, or finding a giant sketchy snake, or sharing his extreme enthusiasm for Moby Dick. Overall, it’s tough. But God made our dude unique. There are 9 billion people on earth and not one is like ours. So after the meltdowns and punching and violence and social problems and broken furniture and etc… God wanted us to have him and we buckle up and do what we need to do., Am I happy with my life? YES! I absolutely love my kids. And I have an amazing, supportive spouse who is active in raising our kids. Is our life perfect? Do we get to do everything we want to do? Absolutely NOT. I gave up a lot of myself and hobbies even when my first kid was born and hes not diagnosedwith ASD. I used to be an avid snowboarder, some people take their kids at a young age but I didn't, my oldest was a lil slow on milestones but never flagged for autism. I used to camp a lot and go on long backpacking/camping hikes, camping with a little with ASD, not potty trained and prone to eloping would cause me more anxiety than it was worth. Hoping to start going on easy camps again in the future but haven't mustered up the courage yet. We used to go to comic-cons and large social events with our oldest but those things also became too much with a high needs kiddo who doesn't like crowds. I haven't been to see a movie in theaters since before my youngest was born either. Kids, whether ND or NT will cause your life to change. You might not be able to do some things you take for granted now. But I'm also quite anxious and over cautious in general. Having kids should be something you really want, and you should be prepared for your life to change regardless of whether they are NT or ND. Never let someone else pressure you into having kids. If you do, you could come to resent your potential kids and no kid deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. Life is hard enough as it is., Tired sometimes, but overall a very happy husband and father. My kid is a double rainbow baby. Two heart wrenching miscarriages before him. We really wanted a child, and we were blessed with a child during probably the roughest part of our marriage. But I swear since he was in the womb he’s been trolling us, and I mean that in a sincere “haha” way and not a bitter way. Parenting isn’t easy. Parenting a rambunctious, inquisitive, autistic 3 year old is probably more so. When I see parents of younger toddlers just walking in a parking lot with their kid just following them and not holding hands I always let out a “must be nice”. I’m very fortunate though. My kid rarely if ever melts down. He’s getting better every day with communicating. He goes to school and daycare so my wife and I are able to work full time and he seems to be doing well in that environment. As he gets older things may change but right now I am happy. He is a great kid., Life has challenges by itself, it does not matter if you have kids or not. I had my son until I was 37, because I did not want to have kids, but my husband did, we are separated now and I am with my kid. Life :) I was not totally happy without my kid, do not think that kids would make you happy or unhappy. What is really important is that you be surrounded of a good group of people, that are there for you. Identify things that you enjoy before kids, so when you feel that you need a me time being a mom, you just have this list of things and ideas that would help you. Every decision has a new joys and responsibilities, that we were not use to. If you buy a car you now have to remember to take it to service for oil change, now you can get a flat tire, save money for the gas, you have to clean it, and you can drive farther and see new things., Hi. I don't think you should have a child unless you really want one, otherwise it's very likely you might end up resentful which would be disastrous for both you and your child. Also there's so many variables with raising someone neurodiverse whether you're neurodiverse or not (My husband was neurodiverse, I have some characteristics but I'm sort of borderline but my father and two of my siblings are most likely neurodiverse). I have four children. My oldest is turning 21 and is autistic (I'm not sure how levels work, but she has a lot of anxiety, is verbal and in college, then i have 17 year old triplets, one who has ADHD and emotional challenges, two boys who are autistic, one is similar to his sister. The other is a lot less self aware, has ADHD. He didn't start really talking until 4 or 5 but now talks all the time about his favorite subjects. Some of the following you probably know from your own experience so apologies if i sound pedantic here. 1. How hands on will your boyfriend be? 2. **How much support will you have?** What I mean is state support, community support or family support? I live in a community that considers helping others to be a huge priority. Because of that I had a lot more support. I don't have much family support as until recently I didn't have family living near me. I live in NYS which provides a lot of support. That makes a HUGE difference. 3. Since it's a spectrum (which you know of course0 **it's impossible to really know how much needs your child would have.** I have it easier because my autistic kids are relatively easy to manage. Nobody's a runner. Two of them will most likely be able to be independent. 4. This is related to point 1. **Kids have way more services than adults do.** My sister in law lived in Ohio but moved back to NY because when her daughter turned 21 there didn't exist any programs for her. In her case her daughter has down syndrome, but it would be the same for an autistic adult, a My niece has day programs, also goes away some weekends and has a multiple week summer program she goes to that otherwise my SIL is an empty nester (she's in her 60s) that makes a huge difference in her life. 5. **How was your childhood?** I grew up in a single parent household with 4 siblings (we were 5 all born within six years) for most of my childhood. That helped prepare me for having kids and also eventually for widowhood eight years ago. It doesn't mean life is easy, but my expectations were different than my mom having five children when she grew up with one sibling seven years younger than her with a perfectionist mother. Okay so after all THAT I'll answer your question. As a parent I've been overwhelmed in different ways. When my oldest was 18 months she had a seizure. That's not uncommon apparently with autistic kids but I didn't know this until this year when speaking to another parent. Do I regret having my children. Never. That said, I had factors that made it easier. 1. I had a lot of community support. We have an organization for families of special needs that has been amazing. 2. I live in one of the best states for raising autistic kids. That doesn't mean it's been easy. But it's been easier. 3. I had a husband who wasn't always present but very supportive. 4. My kids are verbal, and for the most part easier to parent. That said my oldest has a lot of anxiety about basic living which makes it hard for her to function. Thankfully she's getting therapy. And yet I didn't go on a trip by myself for 16 years. I finally went this summer on a family road trip with my mom, sister and her wife while one son was in camp, my child with emotional challenges was in respite and the other two were able to stay home. Am I overall happy? Yes. My kids are great. I sometimes haven't been as great as I could be for them especially in the earlier years. I am on anti-anxiety medicine too and see a therapist. I also didn't have kids until i was 32 so I had my twenties to be independent which also helped, but is it hard. Have I gotten overwhelmed? yes and yes. And that's with community support and support from the state., I’m happy enough, I am not happy but I wasn’t happy before kid either. I was able to hyperfocus on my career in advertising and I was incredible at it. It’s my fault, I didn’t know much about mental health at all. Once I had my son and began worrying about him and then the diagnosis, everything became so clear about myself. I am totally burnt out now as my sons primary caretaker, 9 years of no more than 2-4 hours of sleep at a time leaves my cup completely empty. You know when I am happy- when I drop him off at school and have silence in the car. That’s the peak of the day., My son is 2.5 years old and non-verbal. I tear up all the time when I see 18 month old babies talking and communicating so easily with their parents. What an easy life that many people take for granted. They even joke with me “you would wish they would just shut up like yours!” 🙄 HOWEVER, my son has taught my husband and I so much about the true meaning of love. And our patience has been one that’s way higher than it ever was without our son. We also know how to deal with people that are similar to our son and it’s amazing to see. Kids in general are HARD, autistic or not. In my opinion, it’s harder than marriage itself. But with the right partner, love, patience, and access to the right tools, it can be very rewarding 💕, Yes. I teach kids with autism. I have a monogamous realtionship but will never marry, and I love my life!, I will preface this by saying that my kid is level 2, but overall I am happy. I'm tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but it doesn't feel as if it's at a very different level to other working parents of neurotypical kids. I think every three year old is a little energy vampire. It has definitely gotten easier as he has gotten older. He is currently chilling and listening to his Toniebox, and I have been doing some light cleaning. We are going to the science museum in a bit. We did the zoo on Monday, and an Easter Egg hunt last weekend. He's on spring break, but normally he has school during the week. I don't know. I am sure there are some unique challenges we are experiencing, and his therapy schedule is intense, but ... It doesn't feel like it is very different to having a neurotypical kid, especially as he is becoming increasingly verbal and wanting more interaction with me. Again, level 2 kid, so I am not saying my experience is universal., Having kids us hard weather they are NT or ND. But you just love them through the hard times and there will be PLENTY! my 6yo is autistic and I wouldn't change him for nothing. He's the best boy and has made my life better. I have a 1 yo and idk if she is autistic or not yet. It's hard to tell for sure when they are little but she may have some common early signs.. which honestly. Nothing could make me happier if she was. I'm just used to doing life like this and always loved helping special needs people even when I was a kid.. so I think I'm just made for this 💪, I’m happy, my toddler is awesome, I’ve got a great support system, and an effective game plan to meet her where she’s at for her life. Are there days that are hard, absolutely, but I’m happy. Now I discussed heavily with my husband that ASD runs in my family before having a child to ensure that we had talked about what the challenges would be and how to best support any child we may have. If you do have a child and you notice missing milestones, fight for a therapy referral. I started talking with my child’s doctor at 1.5 years that she’s showing symptoms of a delay. At two we got her into ot/st and while we’re still showing signs of a delay, the gap is lessening, and I’m very confident she will be an independent adult, without any need for paid long term support. Children can get speech and ot before ASD evaluations comes into play. But if you are concerned about not meeting the needs for an ASD child, adoption is just as valid an option., I'm very satisfied with my life. We went through a really hard time a couple of years back, but that was mostly unrelated to my kids. My soon to be ex-husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative and made my life very hard for a very long time. Life is so much better now. It does help that their dad has them half the time, so I have time to myself. My kids are my whole world, and I love them to bits and am so grateful and happy to be their mom. They have relatively low support needs, and we can go out into the world and do most normal stuff. My 5yo has a lot of anxiety, so going to new places is always challenging, but it's been getting easier. My only real complaint is that my 3yo sleeps terribly, and the sleep deprivation takes a toll. I'm hopeful that it will get better as he gets older. It's already gotten a lot better compared to 6 months ago., I’m not only AudHD, I have severe trauma -ptsd, depression, anxiety, hashimotos hypothyroidism, severe migraines, substance use disorder (have been clean 13 years) and other things. I had my son at 33. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much fuller now and seeing his smile makes me happy. I can say it’s hard but being a parent can be hard at times. I can also say that I am truly happy. I appreciate my child and he is the light of my life. Everyone is different. I didn’t think I would have a child either🤍, I love being a parent and knowing that my children have someone they can rely on. As I kid I didn’t have that safety/comfort because my mom had 6 kids and was a widow. She worked 2-3 jobs and we hardly saw her, our older siblings were in charge of the youngest. Her time was very limited out of necessity. Now as a parent I try my best to be present as much as I can. My eldest has ASD but she’s made so much progress over the last year after starting school. She was nonverbal and would be aggressive and had constant meltdowns to the point of nosebleeds/vomiting. It was very difficult but thankfully my husband was very involved as well. Now she’s speaking, can initiate conversations, asks questions, describes her feelings or surroundings, remembers conversations from other days and is really helpful with her younger sibling. She also knows peoples emotions and is really caring. All of this I something I couldn’t say in March 2023. It’s tough but it’s worth it when she says “mommy! I’m so happy I can dance” and she starts dancing 🥰❤️ or “mommy I love you soooo much”, Im in a state of serene pleasure with moments of intense anxiety. Autistic homies can have it go you just cant shy from your problems., My SO is on the spectrum, diagnosed after our daughter was. I fear for my daughter and the difficulties she faces/might face, but it never makes me love her less. I have 1NT and 1ND and let me tell you, you are going to face challenges with any child. But I fear more for my ND child. There are also times where I am not able to help her. I am trying, she is trying, but we aren't connecting in a productive way and that is hard to face. We are lucky in that the majority of her diagnosis is concentrated in emotional regulation and social development and the physical/mental development is not largely affected (though we have been through 2 years of intensive speech therapy and her speech is behind her ND peers). We spend a lot of time making sure both kids feel like they have their needs met, often at the expense of my own needs. I have to have a lot of grace for all of the emotions of everyone in my house while I have to be non-reactive (making me feel like I don't get to have feelings some days). I get burnt out and most days my self care is just a cup of coffee and my anti anxiety medication. All of that sounds bleak, but that's the dark side. I feel very lucky that our daughter has had early interventions which have allowed her to progress greatly. I feel very lucky that she is verbal. I feel very lucky that she is pretty much the carbon copy of my husband- who has lead an isolated, but fulfilling life. And I have hope for my child. As part of the autism community, I know that we are insanely lucky and that on the more severe aspect of the spectrum, the hope is different, the fears are different, the stress and intensity is different. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for those families, especially because at the best of times with very mild symptoms raising a child with ASD can be hard and draining. But I would not change a thing about my daughter. She has opened my eyes to be more understanding and loving of my husband. He has been able to learn through her. We have been able to give her the experience and loving childhood my husband should have had. She's funny, sensitive, caring, intelligent. Her presence makes my life better. Both of my kids are the single most point of stress in my life. They drive me to the brink and back again. But I delight in them. I love watching them. I love teaching them. I love exploring with them and seeing who they are becoming. They are undeniably the best part of my life and if they were to go, life wouldn't be worth living. I love most parts of my life. We adjust a bit to make sure that while we do things most NT families do, we have set ourselves up for success. (Telling her exactly what is going to happen, what to do if she wants to leave, which parent is her "buddy for the day" and which parent will be in charge of her sister. Paying attention for her stims and listening to her words. Watching videos of what to expect and giving her space to have feelings and a calm down spot when she asks for a break. And we accept her no. No cajoling or trying to convince her if she says she'd rather not do something. Its just, okay! let's not do that!) We go on planes, to the zoo, to aquariums, out to dinner, to winter festivals and summer water parks. I have a great relationship with my children who think I am both God and their servant, so basically- Mom. I have a great relationship with my husband though we both get overwhelmed, burnt out, and stressed. Motherhood is a complex experience, but its not for the fainthearted. Its not for the unsure. The only reason to ever have a child is because YOU really, truly **WANT THEM**. Because it is absolutely a labor of love in which you will break yourself down and be rebuilt into someone that lives for someone else. And that's fucking hard. To be a secondary character in your own life. If you don't want it enough, you'll develop resentment, and I cannot stress this enough- your child didn't ask to be here. We owe them everything and them nothing because we chose them. So, after this long ass post, my answer to you is don't have kids. I see your BF wants them, but until you are SURE, until you can look at everything everyone has said and confront the reality and understand what you could be getting yourself into and can find the delight and joy, don't do it., So, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself to love others. You create a helpless child, totally dependent on you. You learn right along with them. It creates a bond that if you can love, becomes a part of your core being. But, you will also see everything that you don’t like about yourself in your children. And because they watch you and learn from you, they end up mimicking that. So what you were seeing is a reflection of what they see in you. Also, make peace with the fact that you are a reflection of your parents, and your children will remind you of your mother or your dad. That’s why loving and accepting yourself is key. If you are happy with yourself, you will see children happy within themselves. If you are frustrated with yourself, you will be frustrated with your children., I'm a mom of two. The oldest is autistic, and I'm currently undergoing evaluation to see if I'm also on the spectrum, which we suspect I am. Not going to lie, kids can be hard. It can be exhausting. And venting about it is necessary sometimes. But man alive, they are also amazing. I've never experienced love the way I have with my two little people. I could stare at them for hours and just watch in wonder and amazement. And sometimes I do! And sometimes I want to toss them out the window. I feel like I get to experience life new again, seeing it through their eyes. I am in love with the fact that I get to grow old with these people, and watch them turn into adults and have their own lives. So definitely worth it to me. In saying that, it's not for everyone. If you don't feel like you want kids, that's ok, and it's important to not go down that road if you don't want to. I have kid free friends with happy fulfilled lives who wouldn't change it for the world. Only you can answer for yourself if it's the right choice for you. There's no right/wrong answer other than how you feel. Good luck., It's a weird one. It's really stressful and lonely sometimes, and I rarely get a break (lone parent). But if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be without my kids, and I do have joy in my life., I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with adhd and I have a 7 year old boy, recently diagnosed. I love him to bits and he's the best thing I've ever done with my life. I sometimes question if I made the right decision given the state of the World/UK/global outlook etc, and I often question my ability to parent, but I never question my love for him (I'm a perfectionist and there is a whole thing about being a 'good enough parent which is difficult for me to accept as I want 100%) and I love being his mum. He is so funny and it's brilliant getting to know him as he grows up and develops his own personality and preferences. He's so strong willed and confident in ways I could never be, and I'd like to think that at least in part that's down to me being the parent I wanted. So, I'd say go for it. Of course it is hard, being a parent is tough, and the lack of sleep can be crippling, but it's also rewarding and fulfilling in ways nothing else is. I'd say for me pregnancy was the really hard part as you get told endlessly about risk and how many ways in which babies can die, so by the time my son arrived I was a mess and I couldn't sleep in case something happened in the night.... 🙈 being autistic through that process was tough, courses are designed for NTs. But seeing him grow, and develop into a wonderful, kind, funny, silly, clever, fabulous human being is amazing. I wouldn't change anything. I also loved the closeness of baby carrying (using slings, amazing and that baby smell, yes!).... You often get horror stories, I think, as parents are mostly tired and in need of more sleep than they get and that makes them cranky. And it can mean sensory overload as an autie parent, too, but you can find ways to cope. Sometimes I think being autistic has been my super power as a mum because I became so focused on being the best mum I could be. Being responsible for another human being is huge, at least it is for me.... so you need to be able to deal with that. Also, it's a lot easier if you have family or a good support network. I didn't.... but still here and have eventually found one! Good luck and go with your heart, I'd say (if we were entirely rational about it, I don't think any of us would have kids, as it doesn't make financial sense and is arguably detrimental to our personal health in many ways, but here we are?!!! I think it's far more beneficial to us in many other less tangible ways). ♥️💐🖖🏻, I'm happy in my life, yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I am not on the spectrum, so I don't know what life is like when you are on it. If you are worried about being overstimulated, then having a baby, whether on the spectrum or not, is something you want to think real hard about. I hear people on this site, saying because of autism they don't like to be around other people too much. Well if you have a baby you are with them 24/7. If you really want to have a child, but really don't want a child on the spectrum you could look into adopting. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it's a possibility. The reality is none of us are signing up for special needs kiddos intentionally (except those who choose to adopt them)., I take the “it could always be worse” mindset, Had to check to see if this was the autism page or the marriage page. LMAO but really, lots of variables can make or break parenthood. None of us are perfect, and neither are our kids, autistic or not. Don’t let anyone make that decision but you and your partner., Like Charlotte from Sex and the City said, I’m not happy all day, but I’m happy every day. I’ll say that we are super fortunate to be able to afford a lot of things/help, and our autistic baby is relatively easygoing., It's hard and stressful like you wouldn't believe but I still love my son. Of course I wish he wasn't ASD but honestly, my husband and I like to keep to ourselves and if we had an NT kid, I'd feel pressured to put him in sports and do playdates with strangers, which I'm glad no one really asks us to do. Like someone else said, we bought our village and have ABA most days of the week and even have ABA at school now. We also have family nearby and he's got cousins who are his same age who try to include him in things. I didn't always think I wanted kids but I'm glad I have my son. I think if I hadn't, I'd always wonder what my kid would be like. My husband and I have a great relationship and if we didn't, I'd probably feel entirely differently. I can't imagine doing something like this alone. BTW, I take meds for depression and that also contributes to my more positive outlook. I remember what it was like without the meds and......it was a black hole like you couldn't believe., I want to say I’m happy but I’m not. Single mom by technicality right now, working full time and then coming home to chaos is really hard. I’ve been sick for a few days, and after my un potty trained boy was sick with Norovirus has pushed me to the brink. Today there was poop smearing when I got home after days of cleaning diarrhea and ruined blankets. I just had a massive rage fit basically and I can’t tell anyone because I’m ashamed of the state of my anger, the pain I feel, and the hopelessness and then THE GUILT of getting so angry at someone who probably has no clue why I’m so upset because his social rules are completely different than mine. I feel so unloved by my son, even though I know he loves me. And I feel so guilty for getting angry at him over things he probably doesn’t get why I’m so destroyed over them. BUT like so many other people have said, I don’t regret having him. For me, I painfully regret my own inability to be better. Also I’m a teacher and these middle school kids are fucking killing me every single day. That doesn’t help at all. Don’t let anyone pressure you, but there is nothing like being a parent and the love you can feel. Good luck either way., It’s hard. And it’s taken awhile to see more good. You never stop loving your kid though. The reality is autism is expensive. Our daughter is in ABA, occupational therapy and speech. Will your child need these therapies? Who knows. I didn’t know but fortunately we have insurance. I didn’t know there are people who pick careers to help children with autism. So if you want a child then do it. There’s so much help out there and once you find your tribe you will be okay. All of these therapist are my village. We have no one else we don’t get breaks or date nights. But my daughter has changed so much from last year. We get to go out to dinner. We get to go to the fair and to the mall. We will be enrolling her in tennis soon and in August she will start preschool through the state. No one can write your story because that’s your story. No one can tell you how it’ll go. But as a mom I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing to raise a little one. Nothing is perfect with this life and the kids don’t ask for perfect., I am BPD AuADHD and my partner is ADHD and very likely NPD and we had the talk about what if he had ASD but the tricky part about that conversation, even if it’s well intentioned, you have no fucking idea how to prepare for that unless you’re preparing for the worst case scenario. so I thought because of my personal experiences I could guide him but his ASD is very different from mine, so I had very different expectations. Also I went undiagnosed most my life whereas we got my sons diagnosis before 2. My parents never had the responsibility of therapies/behavior coaching that I have had, it’s incomparable. Because my parents still don’t believe the importance of being neurodiverse affirming and accepting, my support system has been inconsistent and made the beginning of my motherhood journey fucking hell. I’ve learned these are the key things to being a successful parent 1) figuring out if you’re emotionally capable and resilient , go to therapy if not 2) do you have a support system in place to maintain self care for yourself , if not could you afford one? 3)can you afford and handle being a parent with ASD child if you split (High divorce rate) 4)do you have family that would look after your child after you expire ? would you be ok not knowing if your child has a good quality life (living independently and having a social life outside of parents)? 4) are you being honest with yourself about the reason why you want a child? You will absolutely have it thrown in your face that you made the choice to have a kid, could you live with that and make the most it?, To reiterate what some of the other people have said, it's ok to not want to be a parent. AND it's also ok to not want to be a parent, with your boyfriend. If he really wants kids and you don't, you need to have a sit down calm conversation about where your relationship is going. Most people will have been in relationships at some point and realised that they have different ideals or what life will be. It's ok, like most things in life, communication is massively important., It's very hard. One autistic child is difficult to manage, but I think if you have a supportive community that will help care for your child and take some of that burden, then I don't think it'll be just as stressful as solo parenting., I’m happy. I’ve got a good career, happy kid, supportive partner. Things aren’t always easy but early intervention really helped my kid and she’s much happier than she was when she couldn’t communicate. That makes me happier., For me the most helpful thing about this experience has been focusing on it like a puzzle--like several puzzles I'm working simultaneously a lot of the time, but really the idea is to figure out which strategies work, which things need to fit in place to be able to manage it (like, we all do better when I am more relaxed, so things that are relaxing for me get moved to the top of the list; we do better with more sleep and a consistent routine, so things that disrupt that get taken out as much as possible). I think the frustration comes up for me most reliably when my expectations are so far away from reality--I can get really attached to an expectation or excitement or anticipation for something I'm looking forward to, and if it doesn't materialize like I imagined, it is incredibly discouraging and it's easy to plunge into my life is a misery and will always be a misery because this circumstance will always be with me. So one thing that I have to figure out is how to ensure that there are things I will enjoy that are low risk of being screwed up. I feel like it has made me a more emotionally mature person than I was before, like I think in the past I felt like I was in control of everything and because for the most part I was, I was entitled to feel frustrated by the things that weren't to my liking. But now I am so much more aware of how out of my hands things are, and once I learned to make a little more peace with that (a work in progress lol) it relieved some of that frustration and made me feel like a nice life was actually really possible, and maybe even more important, that I would be enjoying that nice life as a more self-aware, compassionate person than I would have had the opportunity to be before. I am, for context, a single mom with a level three ASD kid who is 8 and a NT kid who is 10, and we live far from family, including the kids' father. BUT we have a great school that I never have to fight with, and I have a pretty low stress job with flexible hours where I make enough to outsource some things. Some of that is luck and some of it is intentional--like I keep this job despite a lot of opportunities to advance and do something more interesting because that flexibility is part of my "village" that someone referenced earlier. When I started to pay attention to all the things that make my life easier it really changed my attitude towards not having a partner or family nearby--like what would family actually do that I can't do in some other way? Solving as many things as I can in creative ways is, for me anyway, part of the fun and growth of this life, as opposed to just checking the same boxes everyone else gets to check. I am not sure I would have picked this life off a menu, but I think I would not have realized how much I was missing if I hadn't had the chance to live it., If you have reasons to believe your kid might be autistic and that is something that would lower your quality of life (you are already asking so it definitely in your mind), why not looking at adopting? Lots of kids out there are in need of love, I am very happy. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but the bond I share with my boy is something I wouldn't trade for the world!, Yes, we are very happy!! Sometimes it’s very hard, but that’s true of life. I have a great relationship with my spouse and kids. I have 4: 19, 5 (ASD), 4 (speech delayed but otherwise neurotypical), 1.75 yo neurotypical., I often feel exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, etc… but I love my son more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human and I don’t regret having him at all. There are really hard moments and hard days sometimes, but we have just as many really fun and happy moments and days. We have adapted our lives to accommodate my son, and once I accepted that that was just our reality and not the social media fake perfection, it helped. My son definitely helps me notice and appreciate the little things more. And he’s helped me to enjoy childhood all over again through his eyes., My husband is neurodivergent, our oldest daughter is on the spectrum and her two little sisters are neurotypical. We are for the most part in love with our lives. He struggles a little with the sensory overload of the chaos of our house (3 kids, 2 adults, and 2 dogs) but we have learned each others bat signals for when we’re going to lose it. A “hey do you wanna go take 5” is our love language. All 3 of our daughters are fucking fantastic and they make our lives so crazy and so beautiful. He gets our eldest daughter on a really special level and has been instrumental in her ability to love and accept herself exactly as she is. All in all I’d say we’re the typical family just loving and living. Sure we have some unique challenges but it just makes it all the more fulfilling at the end of the day. We have a home, food, clothes, and each other. When all the kids are in bed and we can finally lay back we usually just say god damn, we have it all., I am married with 1 child. I would say that I am actually pretty happy in life. I think my life has improved since the times when I was single and childless. It's definitely changed but in a mostly good way. Having a child can at times be over stimulating but the pros do outweigh the cons. I wake up every day to my husband and son's smile. My son will usually put his face to mine and touch my face with just the biggest smile on his face. He laughs constantly and it's beautiful. We do a lot of things as a family too. It does take more time to plan things and get ready to go out but you get better at it with time., To procreate is divine. Autistic kids are difficult to handle, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my son. I think about everything I did before my kid and it all seems so boring and empty. You truly won't get it until you have a kid, autistic or not. Keep in mind too that most of the people posting here are also autistic, so there is a high chance that if your kid is autistic, they will still grow into a somewhat functioning adult, Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are independent yourself and feel like you can raise a kid, then why not?? I am a NT parent of an autistic kid 5yrs. His diagnosis was a shock for us, but we have accepted it now and are as happy as anyone can be. Raising a child is a beautiful experience, no matter how he turns out., I’m super happy. My toddler is ASD 3. He’s in therapy, he’s learning. We’ve gotten to a real good spot where we know what helps and what doesn’t. Yeah we have some bad days but I cannot imagine my life without him! He’s got 1 younger sister and he loves her! I want one more even though I know I could have another ASD child., I could not imagine my life without my ND kid. I love that he’s my firstborn and I would literally not have it any other way. It feels like my kid was always meant to be ND and all his “quirks” make me feel even more like I’m meant to be his mom. Sorry 🤷‍♀️, Now, I will preface this with the fact that my son is currently 3, and does not have a formal diagnosis at this time. He has a functional speech delay, and some other behaviours that point toward ASD, but others that don't at all, and our pediatrician has taken the "wait it out" approach for the time being, but I am pretty confident he will end up with a diagnosis of some sort, if not ASD, some sort of processing disorder would be my guess. Either way. YES. Parenting my child comes with some enormous challenges, but my goodness, does he ever bring so much joy and light into my life. We are able to do SOME things families with exclusively neurotypical children do, and other things we avoid, and there are some things where we find a compromise that works for our family. We do things a little differently than what might look typical to most families, but what we are doing is working for us. We have more appointments than most families with a 3 year old (speech, and OT right now), but we are fortunate to have access to therapies to support my son's development. He makes me laugh every day. He makes me feel loved and needed every day. He teaches me something new every day. He amazes and surprises me every day. There is no shortage of happiness in my life; even though this isn't the EASIEST path, it is certainly not a path lacking love and joy., It’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade my son for anything., Yes I am happy- I have times where I feel disappointed for my guy- I hate that his life will be more challenging simply because he was born- but he is so happy and cuddly and is such a light.  He makes me smile all day long- he is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  , Yes. Life is not perfect but I love my beautiful high support needs ASD son and despite our challenges he makes my life better with him in it. For the bad times outside of that I remember that this life is temporary and I pray to God that there is a place in the house of Jesus Christ for me and my family. Thank you God for my boy, I’m really happy! 2 NT teens and one ND toddler. I’m also most likely autistic but undiagnosed. I’m a single parent, gave up work when the little was born as they have other medical needs. So a lot changed, but not necessarily for the worst. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there days I think I can’t handle much more? Yes. But that was the case with my older, typical kids too. That’s ALL parenting IMO. My little is the chillest, most loving child ever. We have a bond of steel, nobody comes close and we have a happy life just chilling out! We can’t do breakfast with Santa, or swimming lessons, or the Easter bunny. But I’ve let go of that because that’s not what my child wants. We do what they love instead (mainly walks, the beach, driving, tickle, chase etc, iPad). They’re also great on holiday, we go away a lot and that’s a big plus for us. I can hand on heart say that I’m happy. I wish my child didn’t have potentially rough times ahead in life, but there’s nothing to say they won’t thrive and be truly happy too. We had a ROUGH time when they were born and I’ve watched them nearly die, go through brain surgery , facial surgeries etc so nothing seems hard in comparison anymore. I think my default is extreme gratitude my baby is ok, so that may play a part in my answer. I also think the nature of these forums is that people reach out when they’re struggling so it can seem like having an ND child is all doom and gloom. And I’m not taking that away from anyone who struggles, my heart goes out to them. But remember it’s not a given that it’ll be that way :), You might not want to do all the fun things everyone else does. You'll want to do your own version of fun. As an autistic parent you'll be able to understand and advocate for your children, both ND and NT, in ways others can't., I’m very happy, is having a child hard sometimes? Definitely but the pros far outweigh the cons. My child is funny, happy, energetic, creative, gentle little guy. I love his personality, I love his way of doing things, I love the ways he shows his love! The first couple years were the hardest for me (not because of him) but the drastic change to my life and how I liked things done was very hard for me. I settled into the new routine eventually and I’m so happy now. I love my family and I love my child!, Imo happiness is a fleeting emotion like sadness or anger or whatever else. It comes and goes. It's a mood. I do have plenty of happiness in my life, along with frustration and exhaustion and sadness, just like anybody else. Each one has a time and a place. I think the more important, more constant feeling is fulfillment (or lack thereof). Happy or sad or angry, I'm still always fulfilled by my life and my family. I'm glad my 3 kids exist. I feel lucky to be their mom. I love that they're each a little walking/talking (or babbling lol) embodiment of my and my husband's love for each other. Sounds cheesy, I know. I don't really say this stuff to anyone, but since you asked I figured I'd give the whole answer haha! But also, if you don't want kids, you don't have to have them. What is fulfilling for one person is hell for another. Can parents of autistic children be happy, fulfilled? Yes absolutely. Whether that'll be the case for you is really only up to you though. 💜, Yes, we’re happy! My 4 year old ASD daughter is so much fun! She loves to hike, work in the yard, she’s curious, she loves to snuggle. She doesn’t talk often, but when she does she is hilarious! Yes, our daily life looks different- we have to make sure she’s getting adequate sensory input to stay regulated- but we have fun. For me, the main sources of stress are having to fight to get her into services (already having to plan out summer months and next school year), I wish she’d have more interest in her little sister, it’s frustrating seeing her do something once and then refusing to do it again, and, the biggest one, not knowing what she will be capable of as an adult., I’ve experienced grief and hardship in my parenting journey but my life is infinitely better with my daughter in it. She’s a goofy ball of energy who makes people smile everywhere we go. Shes affectionate, happy, and curious and I learn from her every day. I think happiness is complicated. I wasn’t happier before I had my child. I’m not sure I can say I’m happy now either but I experience plenty of joy and much of it is because of her., My 3yo (ASD) and 1yo (NT) daughters are the light of my life. Autism is not easy but it comes in so many different forms and waves, so some days are not so great and others are the best days we’ve ever had as a family. My daughter on the spectrum is quiet (when she isn’t singing haha) and sweet and introverted. She loves singing and drawing. She is truly a gift in that she is easygoing and agreeable most of the time. There is a lot of work and effort involved on our part as parents because we want to and do work toward providing her as much support and services as possible so that she can learn to communicate more and thrive in her new preschool program. Raising her and being tuned in to her needs was all we knew until her sister came along. My younger daughter is an energetic extrovert. I often consider parenting her to be on easy mode because she sleeps like a rock and I am far more familiar with teaching someone socially motivated who learns by copying/mimicking. That said, she is much more vocal, opinionated, and likely to get into “trouble” - ie getting into things she shouldn’t and testing boundaries. In this respect, she is not as easy to parent as my firstborn. Each has their quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Both fulfill my husband and me in their own way. Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. I find so much joy in our girls and who they are becoming and I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted kids my whole life. I grew up with an ASD sibling, it initially made me apprehensive about having a child with ASD, but this is due to my own shortcomings rather than any potential heartache or distress brought on by having children. Every child, neurotypical or divergent, is different, and everyone will have a different experience. Whether you roll the dice or not, I wish you confidence and peace in whichever choice you make., I’d say you can be burnt out and depressed even without an autistic child! I have 4 children, 3 who are autistic! Life can be crazy and there’s days I can’t catch my breath but I don’t know who I’d be without my kids!, I love my kids. I love seeing them excited to jump in bouncy houses, ride rollercoasters, swim, line things up in the sand at the beach. I love coming home to their laughter, their excitement. Sometimes it’s difficult, and I vent. Even parents of NT kids struggle, parenting can be difficult. If you want a kid, prepare for it, plan what you want to do with this child. Give them the love and childhood you want to give them., Not gonna lie, my life sucks, I’m not happy and I struggle to get through the day. With that being said, I have no doubt at all that all my current struggles would be worth it if in two decades my son is doing what you are doing right now. Since you asked for it, my advice for you is to have children with your boyfriend., This is a good point! None of us can tell you if *you* will be happy with kids, be they autistic or not, I 10000% agree. I am content and fulfilled because I always wanted to be a mom and had my kid when I felt like I had done all the things I wanted to do in my 20s (studied, traveled, etc). I also knew going in that being a parent was going to involve sacrifice and I felt ready. If I had had my kid any sooner, it would’ve been a tougher adjustment. I’m personally very happy with my kid. I don’t compare him to neurotypical kids. I also celebrate what makes him unique, and I think he’s so cool and sweet and fun and interesting. He’s also so smart and a motivated learner, and it’s been fun learning about his special interests. But my life involves zero time to myself, lots of work on regulating my emotions, high stress when my kiddo is having a tough day, lots of worrying about the future. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner, and even with all these wonderful things, there’s still a high level of being needed, lots of stress to manage, appointments to juggle. All of that to say it’s okay not to want kids, it’s okay to want to wait a good while until you’re sure you’re ready, and it’s important to take the time to be sure that you and your partner can work together and are on the same page about kids., I didn't want kids & am Bipolar; knew I shouldnt. In a Manic Moment, a coworker came to work on Endorphin High after his wife gave birth & said it was Best Feeling in World. I got PG that night, first time ever w/o birth control, at 34. Dr called me Test Positive @ work. I loaded copy machine cartridge backwards & it trumpeted like an Elephant. That F\*\*\*\* A\*\*\*\*\* coworker never even congratulated me on PG. I often wondered how his kids turned out. My son is Estranged from me, Aspergers, and today is my 70th birthday. I regret having them. My life went downhill. More trauma than happy memories. Sorry to be honest but this is anonymous. My mother should not have had me & I should not have had children. My half-sister's one child turned out real well but we're estranged., 100% agree with this. It's something you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about. Sounds like you're completely opposite in your desire for a child. And that's completely ok, he's either going to see your point of view or you go your separate ways. If you decide to stay together, it's a possibility that down the road you find that desire to be a parent, but you can't let him dictate that. To answer your question, my wife and I are overall very happy. There's the money struggles with having a neuro-divergent child with expensive therapies, but aside from that and the occasional burnout, it's pretty smooth most of the time. The most frustrating part is that our non-verbal three year old daughter can't easily tell us what she wants, needs or if she's hurt but we're working on that every day and I'm confident we'll get there. One thing we decided when she was around 2 1/2 is that she will be our only biological child so that we can focus solely on her needs as long as we have to, and if we decide down the road that we have a desire to expand our family, we will adopt an older child., or coerce/baby trap you, *Statistics in study after study show that the happiest people are single childless women.* Why are they also the women most prone to alcoholism and suicide?, Can you give any advice on building your village?, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. That’s especially tough when there are limited resources, both financial and emotional. You are a good parent, doing what you can and putting your kid first. Society doesn’t make it any easier. Are there other services available in your area, to support low income parents, for example?, I’m incredibly sorry for your experience, could she qualify for TERFA or low income Medicaid? That could help with the gap in healthcare coverage. Also with Medicaid, if she’s having feeding difficulties, a doctor could prescribe her nutritional shakes, and hopefully that could free up some income for your needs as well., Very similar situation here. There are definitely times that I find myself wishing things were easier. But how do I know that having an NT kid would solve all of my problems? right now things are easier with the little one, but that could change in the future. The bottom line is that it’s hard to have kids. Whether or not they are autistic, or born with some rare illness, or completely healthy and NT, it is just hard., Yeah I'm also very happy with my autistic and intellectually disabled daughter, she is a delight. I know I'm lucky she doesn't have many behavioural issues that are really hard to deal with that I see a lot of parents vent about here. I really feel for those parents. The ones who aren't getting any sleep, who get hit by their child and deal with constant screaming. I feel bad for the poor kid too who is obviously struggling to live in a world that can be physically painful for them if they have sensory issues etc. But my daughter is happy, and that's all I ask for. I wrote a post about my daughter here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/ghYOcewxqr, I love this. I feel the same way. I said to my partner if I had to re-live the same decade of my life over and over it would be the birth to 10 years of my kids. No question., I didn’t consider autism was something that would happen. I thought it happens when you gave a baby in your 40s not 27. I was an idiot. If I’d have known then what I know now I wouldn’t have had any even my probably NT one. It’s not worth it. It’s not a life I wanted to give my child. He has no future, nothing to look forward to. There’s no point to my life either., This. I see a lot of "very happy" and "wouldn't change a single thing" replies so far, but the fact you guys are here already says a lot., I actually relate to this a lot. Maybe not every detail, but mourning what could have been - missing my life before having a child - those are all huge for me these days. My son is 2.5 years old and we're just now starting on this path together, maybe I'll feel different down the road. But it's hard right now., I agree, I mourn my old life, freedom to do as I pleased, no worries and the future to look forward to, getting up when I want to, having a job and money, not having to attend meetings at school and having to jump through hoops given to me by people I have little respect for, being threatened that my kid isn't welcome at the school unless he shapes up. The list is endless. Sometimes my life feels so joyless. I think staying childless would've be far better. I didn't suffer any miscarriages nd I'm sorry for what you've been through. My son was born extremely premature and that's when my life went pear shaped., This. I have two autistic children and one NT. Oldest is NT and the middle child- we didn’t even know it was autism until I was already pregnant with the 3rd. Had I known that it was autism and that it’s very likely future children could have it, I would absolutely 100% not have had a 3rd child or even the 2nd one knowing it is likely genetic. The third child is severe and I am a caregiver for him. I have no life. Op, I didn’t want a 3rd kid. I told my spouse after the second child that I couldn’t handle another child like her and that I would end up in a looney bin if we had another like her. He just kept saying it’s not going to happen over and over and I gave in. Well guess what? Now I’m a caregiver and the third child is 10x worse. Are you prepared to become a caregiver or listening to possible screaming all day long, not being able to go anywhere, spending all your days driving your kid to back to back therapies? What if you and your man split? Are you prepared to be taking care of a child like that alone? It’s a lot of things to consider and I WISH someone would have given me the harsh reality heads up like you are getting on here. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. They are my kids, I created them. But I’m not going to sit here and lie and say oh it’s so great just take the chance. The thing I feel most guilty about is my NT child missing out on so many life experiences bc we have had to leave or avoid things due to the autistic children and their needs. I try so hard to do special things for my oldest when I can and she is so understanding but I feel like such a shitty parent or like I’ve almost ruined her growing up experience 😞 My spouse always said, if we have another I’ll help, I’ll promise I’ll help. He doesn’t help. It’s all on me all the time. He works and brings in the money so that’s all he thinks he needs to contribute. He goes out with friends and does his thing and I’m stuck home with the kids. There are many mommas like me. I don’t want you to be one of them if you don’t need to be. Really take time and think about what YOU want., r/regretfulparents is a good place for support and venting without judgement., Also it stopped being "cute" once they hit puberty and being stronger than their parents., This experience varies widely depending where on the spectrum your kid is. My sons 5 not conversational has tons of energy and impulse issues and we do things like social skills group that leave my scratching my head why some of the kids there are in therapy. All kids have challenges, some autistic kids are more challenging than others., To answer the rest of your question - we had a second child right when we realized son might be autistic and we started receiving services. I do carry some guilt that his baby sister sometimes has to play second fiddle bc of his needs. I try my hardest to schedule his therapies around when they won’t impact her schedule, but know this will get harder as she gets older and has her own commitments. My husband and I are still obsessed w eachother! We’re both tired and done some days, but o think that would happen w any toddler and baby to care for. Yesterday my son had a huge freak out at the library and it ended w us both crying on the way home. But that’s an exception, not the rule. 95% of the time we do all the things we want to do and he can hang and enjoys it. And if he can’t, that’s okay and we go with the flow., We've had night terrors, days where one is sreaming the whole day, days I sat and cried with my kids because I can't and they can't.. it's not all roses. I'm still glad I chose it., 💯!, Hey thanks for that brushing hair countdown tip! Why didn’t I ever think of that! Lol! My ASD 9yr old girl HATES having her hair brushed due to sensory but she LOVES timers and countdowns! This is going to be a huge game changer., And of course only if YOU want to and YOU would be happy if you did. My babies mean a lot to me and make me really happy despite the challenges I face. I would do anything for them and I’m happy I get to see their little faces everyday, Same- I always wanted one but it didn’t happen and I gave up that dream. Then it happened!, Lmao . Funny how you easily take accountability for having a child when you shouldn’t have but don’t seem to take accountability for addressing your mental health while being a parent. BP requires consistency of self care and routine just like ASD, and as someone with a similar situation it’s irritating hearing your excuses., I would love to see the actual statistics to back up your statement., Sorry, but I don't believe that at all. They will need a much larger sample size to convince me women are happiest when they go against their instinctive maternal nature. I know many older women who have regrets choosing their career over a family., Right. Shit gets to be a lot some days but at the end of the day I just wanna hold him when he’s asleep and stare at him. Genuinely love him more than life. He’s a lot. But he’s mine., This rings so true!! Well stated. I wish I could get my point across as eloquently., My tiny is 4yrs old and even with the chaos at times, I could stay here forever. We sit together and put marble run mazes all over the living room. We both love setting them up. And legos. And drawing. And bike rides. She’s my little bestie. To answer OP, nothing is ever the same, but not in a bad way., Hi, Yeah autism is often said to be the result of having “older parents”, which I am, but I’ve heard of plenty of twenty somethings who have children on the spectrum, so more likely it runs in families. I am learning how to get better at my own stress management, but it will take work. Do you get any help at all? You both have futures, I know it’s hard to think, but you can help your child and yourself. :), Relatable. I often feel like I’m not cut out for this., wanting support and community doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy. It’s fine for the group to have room for both!, LOL I see some sour grapes here. I can be very happy and also sometimes want to ask a question to people who have hit the same issue before., Does it? Getting and giving advice about unique kids means we are miserable?, How does finding a relatable and helpful community = unhappy?? It’s like joining a planting club. You can be friends and socialize at the club meetings AND provide insight on why my plant isn’t growing. Maybe it needs shade when I’ve only been giving it sunlight., It's a parenting advice sub Reddit. If you are on a gardening subreddit it's not just because you woke up to day of the triffids., I just think it's feeling like you have to say the "right thing". Even here. I also think plenty of people use "happy" instead of "content", which I could buy., I'm trying to stay positive since 2-5 are some of the hardest years but it's not a guarantee my son will make progress - which is something I have to emotionally prepare for, Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [The painful realisation that I could be living my childfree friend's life if I didn't give in to marriage and kids. I miss my freedom so much.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/149u6l0/the_painful_realisation_that_i_could_be_living_my/) \#2: [I FINALLY exploded on my mother for her constantly badgering me to have a baby.](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/14kjsnw/i_finally_exploded_on_my_mother_for_her/) \#3: [This type of mental gymnastics can be so so harmful. Did you ever had to deal with a person like that in real life?](https://i.redd.it/z63r4j2jgndb1.jpg) | [113 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/1575vs9/this_type_of_mental_gymnastics_can_be_so_so/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot), I hope it works!, It’s funny how sometimes life works out that way. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and here we are! So glad your dream came true :), Sure, hereya go! [https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/](https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2023/women-without-children-at-age-35-are-at-highest-risk-of-binge-drinking-alcohol-use-disorder/) **"Women who turned 35 in recent years, as well as women who have not had children by age 35, are the subgroups of women at highest risk of binge drinking and having alcohol use disorder (AUD) symptoms."** [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/496069) ***"Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up."*** ***"Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages."***, I get quite a bit of help actually but unless something will make it go away then honestly it just feels like all our lives are over. Nothing can make it better., If not then this happy parent will bounce, LOL, Have I ever been happy? No. Does my daughter make me more happy? Yes., I appreciate you providing the proof for your statements, but if you read the whole papers that these come from, there is much more nuance than your statement suggests. This still doesn't mean that you should allow anyone to push you into having kids., Maybe the ones who make it to 65 are happiest? I imagine societal pressure is strongest at younger ages, and less and less people give a shit as they get older., I’m sure the happiest single people are between the ages of 18-25, Valid

Are dyslexia and autism occurring common?

My son 4.5 and I were playing a matching number game today which we normally do, I have noticed anytime I give him a double digit like 43 he will match the card with a card tgat says 34 or the number 84 with 48. Does anyone have any experience with this? Is there anyway I can help my son?

That would be dyscalculia, but at that age it’s a common mistake. You can get some math cubes and teach about tens and ones and that may help. By developmentally it’s really second grade they will be doing that., Learning disabilities are common comorbidities. I have 4 on the spectrum 2 have dysgraphia 1 dyslexia and 1 dyscalculia. My youngest is too young to know still, That’s really common for any 4 year old ime, even my kid who could count to 10k at that age still reversed numbers when copying them down and such. I have a kid with dyslexia, dyscalculia, and adhd, but she’s not autistic., Letter/number reversals are normal at that age. Dyslexia has more to do with difficulty with matching sounds to letters. So, signs of dyslexia in preschoolers would be more like problems with phonemic awareness, like telling the first sound of a word or blending sounds to make a word., Also reversals can be associated with conditions such as adhd rather than dyslexia. My second grade daughter has some reversals but her reading skills are fine., Thanks so much for your insight!, Wow, thanks for sharing! Do you feel like public school is a good option for kiddos on spectrum? With your experience ofcourse, hence I ask. My son is in jk and I'm so confused on what to do, Wow! Thanks for sharing. If you mind me asking, is she on the spectrum too?, My kids do well with an IEP but I’m not gonna lie I have to be on their asses make sure they are following it and making sure the goals are good and measurable. I had to push every year for testing or new testing., Yes, she has autism, adhd, and a stutter., Thanks for sharing! So nice to know there are other kiddos like my son!, That would be dyscalculia, but at that age it’s a common mistake. You can get some math cubes and teach about tens and ones and that may help. By developmentally it’s really second grade they will be doing that., Learning disabilities are common comorbidities. I have 4 on the spectrum 2 have dysgraphia 1 dyslexia and 1 dyscalculia. My youngest is too young to know still, That’s really common for any 4 year old ime, even my kid who could count to 10k at that age still reversed numbers when copying them down and such. I have a kid with dyslexia, dyscalculia, and adhd, but she’s not autistic., Letter/number reversals are normal at that age. Dyslexia has more to do with difficulty with matching sounds to letters. So, signs of dyslexia in preschoolers would be more like problems with phonemic awareness, like telling the first sound of a word or blending sounds to make a word., Also reversals can be associated with conditions such as adhd rather than dyslexia. My second grade daughter has some reversals but her reading skills are fine., Thanks so much for your insight!, Wow, thanks for sharing! Do you feel like public school is a good option for kiddos on spectrum? With your experience ofcourse, hence I ask. My son is in jk and I'm so confused on what to do, Wow! Thanks for sharing. If you mind me asking, is she on the spectrum too?, My kids do well with an IEP but I’m not gonna lie I have to be on their asses make sure they are following it and making sure the goals are good and measurable. I had to push every year for testing or new testing., Yes, she has autism, adhd, and a stutter., Thanks for sharing! So nice to know there are other kiddos like my son!, That would be dyscalculia, but at that age it’s a common mistake. You can get some math cubes and teach about tens and ones and that may help. By developmentally it’s really second grade they will be doing that., Learning disabilities are common comorbidities. I have 4 on the spectrum 2 have dysgraphia 1 dyslexia and 1 dyscalculia. My youngest is too young to know still, That’s really common for any 4 year old ime, even my kid who could count to 10k at that age still reversed numbers when copying them down and such. I have a kid with dyslexia, dyscalculia, and adhd, but she’s not autistic., Letter/number reversals are normal at that age. Dyslexia has more to do with difficulty with matching sounds to letters. So, signs of dyslexia in preschoolers would be more like problems with phonemic awareness, like telling the first sound of a word or blending sounds to make a word., Also reversals can be associated with conditions such as adhd rather than dyslexia. My second grade daughter has some reversals but her reading skills are fine., Thanks so much for your insight!, Wow, thanks for sharing! Do you feel like public school is a good option for kiddos on spectrum? With your experience ofcourse, hence I ask. My son is in jk and I'm so confused on what to do, Wow! Thanks for sharing. If you mind me asking, is she on the spectrum too?, My kids do well with an IEP but I’m not gonna lie I have to be on their asses make sure they are following it and making sure the goals are good and measurable. I had to push every year for testing or new testing., Yes, she has autism, adhd, and a stutter., Thanks for sharing! So nice to know there are other kiddos like my son!, That would be dyscalculia, but at that age it’s a common mistake. You can get some math cubes and teach about tens and ones and that may help. By developmentally it’s really second grade they will be doing that., Learning disabilities are common comorbidities. I have 4 on the spectrum 2 have dysgraphia 1 dyslexia and 1 dyscalculia. My youngest is too young to know still, That’s really common for any 4 year old ime, even my kid who could count to 10k at that age still reversed numbers when copying them down and such. I have a kid with dyslexia, dyscalculia, and adhd, but she’s not autistic., Letter/number reversals are normal at that age. Dyslexia has more to do with difficulty with matching sounds to letters. So, signs of dyslexia in preschoolers would be more like problems with phonemic awareness, like telling the first sound of a word or blending sounds to make a word., Also reversals can be associated with conditions such as adhd rather than dyslexia. My second grade daughter has some reversals but her reading skills are fine., Thanks so much for your insight!, Wow, thanks for sharing! Do you feel like public school is a good option for kiddos on spectrum? With your experience ofcourse, hence I ask. My son is in jk and I'm so confused on what to do, Wow! Thanks for sharing. If you mind me asking, is she on the spectrum too?, My kids do well with an IEP but I’m not gonna lie I have to be on their asses make sure they are following it and making sure the goals are good and measurable. I had to push every year for testing or new testing., Yes, she has autism, adhd, and a stutter., Thanks for sharing! So nice to know there are other kiddos like my son!

Are these signs of autism? (16 month old toddler)

Hi all! Would you think these could indicate autism? My son is 16 months old in a few days. He only says "mama" or "mamama" - I don't think he associates it with me. It's babbling rather a word. He said baba briefly for a few days at a time a couple of times but would soon forget. He bangs his head in frustration He recently started banging his chest repeatedly He loves spinning He also loves spinning his toy car wheels. That's the only way he plays with them He rarely replies to his name He rarely makes eye contact when you talk to him but does very well when he is the one starting the interaction (he will stare at random people on the train for instance, and he will look at me and smile when I feed him) He can clap but he can't wave, point, or hand toys/objects. He can't colour or use a crayon, he can't use a spoon either Doesn't answer to his name very often He doesn't seem to understand what we say (doesn't know the words for anything for instance what a cat is, what a ball is, etc...), he also doesn't understand any instruction besides "come here" and "no" He doesn't know body parts and won't look at anything if you point to it He can walk very well Doesn't shake his head no and doesn't nod Doesn't do pretend play Pushes other kids away when they try to hand him toys He is however curious of people and loves smiling and laughing with them. He hates being held He doesn't kiss, hug and very rarely cuddles (as in put his head on us for a few seconds) ​ Thank you

I would definitely bring them up to your pediatrician! Have you done the M-CHAT? You can find it online and it will give you an idea of if your child is high risk., Check the MCHAT https://www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child, It's a pre-screening test basically. Your pediatrician or family doctor will do a pre-screening for your kid(which is the mchat) and will provide a referral for your child to get tested for autism(that test is more thorough and longer). They won't diagnose at 16 months. Most probably at around 24 months., I would say that they are signs you should connect with early intervention of some kind. It has made a huge difference for my son, who was very similar to yours at 16 months. He started at an early childhood program for disabled kids at 2 years, and made so much progress. As to autism, 16 months is too young to accurately diagnose it. The MCHAT is only valid from 18 months at the earliest, and more like 2-3 years., Your toddler sounds similar to mine (mine will be 16 months in a few days) my little one started not responding ever to his name being called (we reduce heavily his screen tv exposured and now my kid respond to his name being called) my kiddo doesn't point either (instead he extend his entire hand indicating something that he wants) he doesn't talk either (only babbles dadada, papapa, heya, lalala, ya yaya, not directed to anyone even though sometimes he starts this babble looking at me or my husband like if he were telling us something with it) my kid doesn't play correctly with toys, he pick them up and keep throwing them to the floor, he stim a lot with hand flapping sometimes he rock his body, he started to Take away the spoon from my hand on feeding time so he can feed himself instead eating from the spoon, Anyway he doesn't wave, and is definetely behind in his development. We started OT therapy with him now at 15 months, I know he must be on the spectrum, my kid can understand simple stuff like 'come here' or 'seat' or 'give me' (whatever he have in his hands) but he can't understand complex instructions. I'm aware kids can received therapies without diagnosis, so we decide to put the ball rolling now instead of waiting for 18 months or 24 months diagnosis., Your son sounds similar to my daughter at that age. We started suspecting autism when she was around 15-16 months and we took the online M-CHAT (she also scored a 12 if I recall correctly). We knew there were long waitlists for autism evaluations. Before we even went to her 18 month checkup with her pediatrician, I got a list of developmental pediatricians and called around to get on waitlists. At her 18 month checkup the pediatrician recommended getting her evaluated, as we had expected. Getting on the waitlists early helped us get her a diagnosis the following month, when she was 19 months old. We are in the US, and we also contacted our state’s birth to three early intervention program as soon as we suspected. They evaluated her for eligibility when she was 18 months and found she was eligible. It took about 3 months for speech, OT, and early childhood education services to start through that program. All of this to say, it’s great that you’re asking these questions now. The earlier you can find out one way or the other, the better., Thank you. I'll give the paediatrician a call tomorrow! I hadn't heard of the M-Chat. Will look that up right now. thanks so much, Thank you. He scored 12 on the quick one and 14 on the more detailed one. How accurate is the online test?, Not true…my son was diagnosed at 15 months, This sounds a lot like my daughter. She actually received a diagnosis this week she’s 16 months old for ASD. The doctor said he wanted us to start ABA, Speech and OT as soon as possible and the diagnosis opens those doors. 20-25 hours a week total he said to start. We stopped all screen time as well because she was so obsessed with Disney movies and would zone out on them. I think I see some improvement with no tv. How’s your son doing now? did you try speech therapy ?, You're welcome! I know the wondering stage is hard, but the more information you have the better!! Some of the things you listed may be concerning, other things, such as imaginative play, I think your baby is still a little young for., Those are pretty high scores. The MCHAT is a very simple evaluation with minimal space for interpretation or inaccuracies. However, most developmental pediatricians will not evaluate for autism until 18 months of age. Chances are, your child's pediatrician will have you take this M chat as part of the 18 or 24 month evaluation., Hello 🙂 Is been a while, 😅 my son is now 18 months old, still in OT and PT theraphy (hasn't started speech theraphy bcs he have fluids in his hears from infection and we are treating it with antibiótics once it get fixed he will go to speech theraphy). This is my kid today : - still not fully walking without hand holding assistance, but he is able to give 8 or 10 steps without any assistance. - Babling still is there, but he only have 2 words directed to us (mama/nana and papa/dada) and everytime I take some object and say to him 'this is mine' he always reply back with 'nah' while shakes his head ( maybe is him saying no? 🤷‍♀️) - still usign his atypical pointing (whole hand open) to request his wants/interést, (lately being obsessed with it, pointing constantly at everything and mumbling while most of the time looks at me desperate followed by looking back to the pointed object) I just follow the mood and reply with the name of what he is pointing. - My kid have had a big jump in social engagement these latest 2 months, now he loves to approach other kids at playground, he is able to play with ball throwing back and forth, he babbles back and forth with other babies too 🥰 his peers are no longer invisible for him like before, so he have become social with kids when before he only was social with adults. My kid still Plays incorrect with toys, still doesn't imitate gestures, still doesn't look to where we point at (unless is some very close object), he is starting now to look where I suddenly look at, but this is very random, he definetely still is globally delayed and always will be, no autism diagnosed yet on him and won't get one either cause the country were I live only give autism diagnosis after 3 years old of age, so right now he is diagnosed as GDD and getting theraphy., He just scored 12 on the M-CHAT which is high risk. Definitely. Just want to find out or rule it out as early as possible., Hope he continues to make progress!, Forsure! And wait lists are long for evaluations so you are definitely doing thr right thing. Best of luck!, Thank you so much x

Are your kids interested in other kids at all?

My daughter is 7 & semi-verbal, and she has no interest at all in other children besides her older brother. She doesn’t even acknowledge them when they come up and say Hi to her. She’ll keep on doing what she’s doing. Does this sound similar to any of your kids? Edit: Thanks for all the comments! I didn't expect to get this much feedback. You guys rock!

My 9yo loves other kids, babies, adults and animals. She is ...well, not exactly appropriate in her play, but she does love them. Her best friend is our 2yo neighbor and she will hug her goodbye every morning and say "bye! Miss uuuuu", they also play together every evening after school. They are super cute, but it's also a little sad, because it's clear 2yo will outgrow her in a year or two, If a stranger says hi to my kid, the first thing he says is "Bye Bye", My son has usually only been interested in other kids as a means to play tag or play with nerf guns. There’s no talk or conversation. He’s a teen now and we know some other autistic teens and they can be quite chatty, but my son is not very interested in that. 🤷‍♀️, Just his baby sister. She’s the only other kid he’ll tolerate., A little bit. He doesn’t like to parallel play but he does like to smile and look at them from funny angles and hug them. He’s nonverbal so he’s really silly and sweet just randomly to certain kids. He will occasionally look over and smile at his sister or laugh at her (she’s 1). We’ve noticed more eye contact with other kids and adults since starting ADHD medication., my kids only 3 but he seeks out other kids at playgrounds for the purpose of chasing him, he doesn’t speak to them or play any other games, My son just turned 5 and is nonverbal most days, limited others. He likes to sit in his wagon and watch the other kids play. But if they try to interact with him, he either looks uncomfortable or bemused by it. He has never really played with another child, even his cousin. He prefers to just watch or do his own thing., Mines only 3 but he LOVES other kids. He loves to mimic or join in what they are doing. He doesn’t talk to them much but he is always excited to see other kids. I describe him as a golden retriever puppy. He has the desire to excitedly play but doesn’t know how to initiate appropriately., He interested but seems to lack confidence and doesn’t know how to play what they are playing. For example, my son is obsessed so try woodchips and will put them in anything he can find outside at daycare, where the other kids are actually playing with the tool bench etc. He wanted to play with the coffee cup and my 3 year old niece for really frustrated and kept saying garbage, since to her, her mommy was all done and it’s supposed to go in the garbage, My 4yo asks for 'friends house' every day. He loves other kids, but he still lacks the skills to appropriately communicate/play with them. He'll script "Hi friends!", but he can't converse back and forth (I'm hoping that develops later). He's working on sharing and taking turns but he's way behind NT kids his age in that respect, so he unfortunately doesn't make many friends on the playground :(, My daughter will be 7 next week and this sounds highly relatable! She’s mainly interested in her younger brother, who has always been her best friend. She has a few friends at school that she plays with at recess but her teacher said she doesn’t seem interested in forming relationships with her peers., My 4 year old is the same way. He will only play with his cousin. He ignores other kids., Yes and no. He’s only 3 right now but he doesn’t seem to care for any other kid but his cousins. He’s in preschool with other special needs kids and he mostly parallel plays with the kids in his class..he doesn’t really have “friends” yet., My son is 14 and still has no interest in other kids. The difference is that they all like him and he can talk to them better *only in school. Thsts just how he is...he prefers adults. There are other autistic kids I know of that do have friends...its s case of take it a day at a time. He's perfectly happy with that choice BTW...as yet.., Nope. Completely indifferent., My 4 year old is similar in that he only cares to play and interact with his older brother and no one else, but in play places he likes to play around kids and will look at them and laugh. No real interaction yet though, He is starting to get there. His teacher says he is hugging some of the other kids at his preschool, and I have seen him doing activities and playing games in a very limited way with them. I think they are doing most of the work of making the activity or game work. But he did freak out when another autistic kid who was stimming stopped by his speech therapy the other day. I was, like, child, you are an autistic kid with some stims. What are you doing?, Our son was the same in kindergarten. I think often, he simply didn't hear the other kid say "Hi", because he was lost in his own thoughts, and even if he heard, he had no concept on how to respond. He is slowly showing more interest in other kids now, but still prone to simply walk away when the mood strikes him. I think the fact that your daughter is interested in her older brother can be an encouraging sign., My son is 11 and had 1 friend for the longest time. No interest at all in making more friends. Recently he’s made another friend through the first one though! I think he just likes what he likes, and if you’re not into it he’s fine to do it on his own. He’s very particular about how and what he plays., My son never liked other kids, especially babies and toddlers. He said babies looked weird, and small children were too unpredictable. He hadn't once hung out with another kid up until last month, and he's now 15. He also never really responded much when other kids would come up to him. It was super awkward for me to witness... lol Now in HS he has a small group of friends at high school, but still doesn't really want to hangout. My wife and I push him to have someone over but he always says "what's the point"., My son is almost 6, totally uninterested in other kids. Not bothered by them but basically acts like they don’t exist He has a brother 2 years older he plays with here and there and he’s social with me and his dad, My 3yo (level 1) son is interested in other kids. He goes up to them and waves and says “Hi friend!” He was playing peek-a-boo with my coworker’s 4yo daughter this weekend and my heart almost burst!, My 3 year old son (level 1) is, but he doesn't understand at all what is appropriate and what is not- will try to touch new friends' faces, hug them, play rough, My son is 5. He doesn't like kids his age/size or smaller but loves his big brother. He has a 2yr old cousin that came up and hugged him once and he cried. He will run around with a lil boy his age in his spec class according to his teacher. We ran into the same kiddo at a play place and they acknowledged each other but didn't play together. Unless it's a trusted adult or his brother, my son isn't into socializing., Mine does and doesn’t. I’m keeping an eye on it for sure., My level 1 son has friends who have the same interests as him, game modding and video games such as Mario. He has always liked other kids but was always playing too rough with them. He has always been interested in his little sister and cousins his age., One of my sons loves to play with other kids. My other son could take it or leave it. The only kid he ever really yearns to play with is his brother. Like he might check out what other kids are doing but if they don't want to play what he wants to play then he's not really bothered by it, unless that other kid he was trying to play with is his brother. They're both 3.5., He’s 6, he likes teenagers. That’s it !, Mine isn't interested in stranger kids, random on the playground or at a party. She will interact with well known kids like certain classmates. Like one she met in 4k so they've been in class together 2 years., Kiddo is 7 and has never had a friend. He plays with his little brother but is terrified of his peers and often tells them to go away. He’s made some slight progress this year at school but still a long ways to go. He is verbal, gifted intelligence, no cognitive delays or struggles, no stimming or repetitive behaviors, no sensory issues that we are aware of… honestly his only ASD trait (for lack of a better word) is his extreme social anxiety and some hyperfocus. Every year I think, maybe this will be the year he plays with another peer and… nope. He’s been terrified of them since he was a toddler., Our oldest (more severe) was always social. Youngest prefers her brother, but seems to be coming out of her shell with her classmates now., My 5yo likes older kids way more than kids her age. She wants to take the older kids by the hand and play. The ones her age, she will say hi. Stare at them if they say anything to her. Then just go about her business, Yes, very interested. He is semi verbal but won't talk much to them. Just runs alongside smiling and will try to engage in whatever they're doing. Loves playing with his sister and is much more talkative with her., My daughter is starting to follow other kids around and asking to be their friend. Adorable but sometimes it’s older kids, because she’s interested and curious., My 7yo goes to regular school, does great academically but peer communication is one of his main issues. From what I saw in the beginning of the school year - he worked fine with other kids during the lessons but outside of them - full ignore, he could not even realize that his classmate was talking to him. Around NY his teacher told me he was playing with one girl during the recess and they even got reprimanded for talking in class (which I was super excited about) but it seemed to be a one time thing. I want him to go to some kind of communication group but there is no time and there aren't many (if any) options in our city., my 3 year old loves the 10-17 age group ( so her siblings friends) I feel like this is because they have the patience to do things on her terms ( that and her 16 year old sister's friends spoil her lol) anf the older group tends to be more forgiving Kids her age are interested in her but she prefers everything t9 be on her terms and has very restricted play so she doesn't care to much. She's more into being okay with them playing in her space but not with her or anything she has around her, My 3.5 year old (moderate) loves adults and teens. LOATHES kids. He looks at his 2 yr old and 5 mo old brothers like they are disgusting and annoying. Avoids interaction with them and other children at all costs. I take them to story time, art class, play group, museums, etc several times a week. We always leave if he wants to, but I ask him to try to stay just a little while each time. It's...a lot., No, not really., My level 2 son smiles at and follows younger kids on the playground, but doesn't manage to really initiate play. With kids he knows better, like his sister's friend's younger siblings, younger cousins and older sister, he sometimes asks "can you play with me?" But doesn't always stay engaged long. Sometimes he can take turns, but most of the time he needs an adult to direct, or to be directing the play himself for it to be 'successful'. It often ends up with my son being sad because someone isn't playing correctly, in his opinion. In large groups, like birthday parties, he withdrawals and prefers independent or parallel play to the organized activity. So yes, he has some limited interest in other kids, but can't quite connect usually., Into parallel play at age 4 with no sign of changing, My kid was...a little too interested, but also got along better with adults. They were super nosy and loved butting into any conversation (well, until they got bullied so much that they were forced to be alone), as well as developing hyperfixations on people that I mistook for crushes (they're aro-ace) at first., My 3.5 year old used to give zero fucks about anyone lol. Since starting ABA and preschool she will play limited running and climbing games with my 7 yo son and will watch other kids play with mild interest - especially if they are throwing, catching or dribbling a ball. I’ve been told she plays with friends at school sometimes but I haven’t witnessed it myself. I’m assuming it’s just parallel play. That’s about it. On a similar note, does anyone have any advice about how to respond to other kids who ask me why my daughter isn’t responding or wanting to play with them? Some of these kids are super young and I’m sure if I just say she doesn’t speak or what?, No, Yes, Yup Very similar... He loves though his older brother, My son communicates very little verbally with other kids. He does get around other kids when they play and he is very curious (may leave them without a word when he gets tired) , but adult company is much safer for him because they are less impulsive and pay him dedicated attention. I heard a 'dialogue' from him and this girl from kg in the shop the other day. This girl was very happy to have accidentally met him. "Hi, do you come here often?" "yes" And that was the whole conversation. They just stood there looking at the wares after. The girl taking her head to his shoulder. So I guess sometimes he doesn't need words to get along with someone., Mine loves certain kids. He has always loved his cousin who is only two weeks older than him. He is super protective of his 3 year old brother and adores him. He has a best friend at school and there were few kids he liked when he was in pre-K. But he's mostly apathetic towards other kids. He's been in school since August and is just now becoming more social with other kids besides his best friend., Aw, but that's awesome she shows interest., at least he acknowledges them!, Mine says “no, thank you”, Sounds like my daughter!, Same!, Semi-tolerate for mine lol, Oh that's great!, Yeah sounds like my daughter. She loves tag/chasing games. It's hard for her to communicate otherwise., Yes, same with my daughter., This sounds so similar to my 4yo! I've thought of him the same way as a puppy 😆, My daughters the same way. She finds unique ways to play with objects that other children might find odd. I think it's inventive lol, It sounds like he's trying though so that's great :) I think my daughter prefers to be a loner. I guess she takes after me lol, Same with my daughter! Right now her only friend is her older brother (he's 9). She doesn't seem bothered by it though. She's content doing her own thing. I get it, I'm the same way., Yeah, my daughter's the same, but hey she's happy. Maybe as she gets older she'll start to form friendships., Thanks! She loves tag and chasing games., That’s our exact situation., Aw. that's great!, Same with my daughter. She loves her older brother, and my husband, and I but doesn't like anyone else., Is he in OT? You should look into sensory discrimination in the perioceptive domain., Yeah, my daughters prefers adults!, Saying that, my son likes playing online against random kids that he doesn't know. His social awkwardness makes it difficult to make friends at school., They sound so similar! And yes, my daughter seems happy to go solo too. I’ve noticed the neurotypical girls her age are now noticeably outpacing her on a social/emotional level, but she’ll find the friends she needs — if she wants them., Gonna save this comment and come back to it when we're able to get OT set up 👍🏼, Yes, perfectly put!, It's what my son is working on right now. We're doing games where we hit or knock things and label how hard something is with a number. Like as hard as you can is a ten, and very gentle is a 0 or 1. Yesterday he was play fighting with my wife and she said I only want to be hit if it's a zero or a one, and that worked to keep the roughhousing gentle., My 9yo loves other kids, babies, adults and animals. She is ...well, not exactly appropriate in her play, but she does love them. Her best friend is our 2yo neighbor and she will hug her goodbye every morning and say "bye! Miss uuuuu", they also play together every evening after school. They are super cute, but it's also a little sad, because it's clear 2yo will outgrow her in a year or two, If a stranger says hi to my kid, the first thing he says is "Bye Bye", My son has usually only been interested in other kids as a means to play tag or play with nerf guns. There’s no talk or conversation. He’s a teen now and we know some other autistic teens and they can be quite chatty, but my son is not very interested in that. 🤷‍♀️, Just his baby sister. She’s the only other kid he’ll tolerate., A little bit. He doesn’t like to parallel play but he does like to smile and look at them from funny angles and hug them. He’s nonverbal so he’s really silly and sweet just randomly to certain kids. He will occasionally look over and smile at his sister or laugh at her (she’s 1). We’ve noticed more eye contact with other kids and adults since starting ADHD medication., my kids only 3 but he seeks out other kids at playgrounds for the purpose of chasing him, he doesn’t speak to them or play any other games, My son just turned 5 and is nonverbal most days, limited others. He likes to sit in his wagon and watch the other kids play. But if they try to interact with him, he either looks uncomfortable or bemused by it. He has never really played with another child, even his cousin. He prefers to just watch or do his own thing., Mines only 3 but he LOVES other kids. He loves to mimic or join in what they are doing. He doesn’t talk to them much but he is always excited to see other kids. I describe him as a golden retriever puppy. He has the desire to excitedly play but doesn’t know how to initiate appropriately., He interested but seems to lack confidence and doesn’t know how to play what they are playing. For example, my son is obsessed so try woodchips and will put them in anything he can find outside at daycare, where the other kids are actually playing with the tool bench etc. He wanted to play with the coffee cup and my 3 year old niece for really frustrated and kept saying garbage, since to her, her mommy was all done and it’s supposed to go in the garbage, My 4yo asks for 'friends house' every day. He loves other kids, but he still lacks the skills to appropriately communicate/play with them. He'll script "Hi friends!", but he can't converse back and forth (I'm hoping that develops later). He's working on sharing and taking turns but he's way behind NT kids his age in that respect, so he unfortunately doesn't make many friends on the playground :(, My daughter will be 7 next week and this sounds highly relatable! She’s mainly interested in her younger brother, who has always been her best friend. She has a few friends at school that she plays with at recess but her teacher said she doesn’t seem interested in forming relationships with her peers., My 4 year old is the same way. He will only play with his cousin. He ignores other kids., Yes and no. He’s only 3 right now but he doesn’t seem to care for any other kid but his cousins. He’s in preschool with other special needs kids and he mostly parallel plays with the kids in his class..he doesn’t really have “friends” yet., My son is 14 and still has no interest in other kids. The difference is that they all like him and he can talk to them better *only in school. Thsts just how he is...he prefers adults. There are other autistic kids I know of that do have friends...its s case of take it a day at a time. He's perfectly happy with that choice BTW...as yet.., Nope. Completely indifferent., My 4 year old is similar in that he only cares to play and interact with his older brother and no one else, but in play places he likes to play around kids and will look at them and laugh. No real interaction yet though, He is starting to get there. His teacher says he is hugging some of the other kids at his preschool, and I have seen him doing activities and playing games in a very limited way with them. I think they are doing most of the work of making the activity or game work. But he did freak out when another autistic kid who was stimming stopped by his speech therapy the other day. I was, like, child, you are an autistic kid with some stims. What are you doing?, Our son was the same in kindergarten. I think often, he simply didn't hear the other kid say "Hi", because he was lost in his own thoughts, and even if he heard, he had no concept on how to respond. He is slowly showing more interest in other kids now, but still prone to simply walk away when the mood strikes him. I think the fact that your daughter is interested in her older brother can be an encouraging sign., My son is 11 and had 1 friend for the longest time. No interest at all in making more friends. Recently he’s made another friend through the first one though! I think he just likes what he likes, and if you’re not into it he’s fine to do it on his own. He’s very particular about how and what he plays., My son never liked other kids, especially babies and toddlers. He said babies looked weird, and small children were too unpredictable. He hadn't once hung out with another kid up until last month, and he's now 15. He also never really responded much when other kids would come up to him. It was super awkward for me to witness... lol Now in HS he has a small group of friends at high school, but still doesn't really want to hangout. My wife and I push him to have someone over but he always says "what's the point"., My son is almost 6, totally uninterested in other kids. Not bothered by them but basically acts like they don’t exist He has a brother 2 years older he plays with here and there and he’s social with me and his dad, My 3yo (level 1) son is interested in other kids. He goes up to them and waves and says “Hi friend!” He was playing peek-a-boo with my coworker’s 4yo daughter this weekend and my heart almost burst!, My 3 year old son (level 1) is, but he doesn't understand at all what is appropriate and what is not- will try to touch new friends' faces, hug them, play rough, My son is 5. He doesn't like kids his age/size or smaller but loves his big brother. He has a 2yr old cousin that came up and hugged him once and he cried. He will run around with a lil boy his age in his spec class according to his teacher. We ran into the same kiddo at a play place and they acknowledged each other but didn't play together. Unless it's a trusted adult or his brother, my son isn't into socializing., Mine does and doesn’t. I’m keeping an eye on it for sure., My level 1 son has friends who have the same interests as him, game modding and video games such as Mario. He has always liked other kids but was always playing too rough with them. He has always been interested in his little sister and cousins his age., One of my sons loves to play with other kids. My other son could take it or leave it. The only kid he ever really yearns to play with is his brother. Like he might check out what other kids are doing but if they don't want to play what he wants to play then he's not really bothered by it, unless that other kid he was trying to play with is his brother. They're both 3.5., He’s 6, he likes teenagers. That’s it !, Mine isn't interested in stranger kids, random on the playground or at a party. She will interact with well known kids like certain classmates. Like one she met in 4k so they've been in class together 2 years., Kiddo is 7 and has never had a friend. He plays with his little brother but is terrified of his peers and often tells them to go away. He’s made some slight progress this year at school but still a long ways to go. He is verbal, gifted intelligence, no cognitive delays or struggles, no stimming or repetitive behaviors, no sensory issues that we are aware of… honestly his only ASD trait (for lack of a better word) is his extreme social anxiety and some hyperfocus. Every year I think, maybe this will be the year he plays with another peer and… nope. He’s been terrified of them since he was a toddler., Our oldest (more severe) was always social. Youngest prefers her brother, but seems to be coming out of her shell with her classmates now., My 5yo likes older kids way more than kids her age. She wants to take the older kids by the hand and play. The ones her age, she will say hi. Stare at them if they say anything to her. Then just go about her business, Yes, very interested. He is semi verbal but won't talk much to them. Just runs alongside smiling and will try to engage in whatever they're doing. Loves playing with his sister and is much more talkative with her., My daughter is starting to follow other kids around and asking to be their friend. Adorable but sometimes it’s older kids, because she’s interested and curious., My 7yo goes to regular school, does great academically but peer communication is one of his main issues. From what I saw in the beginning of the school year - he worked fine with other kids during the lessons but outside of them - full ignore, he could not even realize that his classmate was talking to him. Around NY his teacher told me he was playing with one girl during the recess and they even got reprimanded for talking in class (which I was super excited about) but it seemed to be a one time thing. I want him to go to some kind of communication group but there is no time and there aren't many (if any) options in our city., my 3 year old loves the 10-17 age group ( so her siblings friends) I feel like this is because they have the patience to do things on her terms ( that and her 16 year old sister's friends spoil her lol) anf the older group tends to be more forgiving Kids her age are interested in her but she prefers everything t9 be on her terms and has very restricted play so she doesn't care to much. She's more into being okay with them playing in her space but not with her or anything she has around her, My 3.5 year old (moderate) loves adults and teens. LOATHES kids. He looks at his 2 yr old and 5 mo old brothers like they are disgusting and annoying. Avoids interaction with them and other children at all costs. I take them to story time, art class, play group, museums, etc several times a week. We always leave if he wants to, but I ask him to try to stay just a little while each time. It's...a lot., No, not really., My level 2 son smiles at and follows younger kids on the playground, but doesn't manage to really initiate play. With kids he knows better, like his sister's friend's younger siblings, younger cousins and older sister, he sometimes asks "can you play with me?" But doesn't always stay engaged long. Sometimes he can take turns, but most of the time he needs an adult to direct, or to be directing the play himself for it to be 'successful'. It often ends up with my son being sad because someone isn't playing correctly, in his opinion. In large groups, like birthday parties, he withdrawals and prefers independent or parallel play to the organized activity. So yes, he has some limited interest in other kids, but can't quite connect usually., Into parallel play at age 4 with no sign of changing, My kid was...a little too interested, but also got along better with adults. They were super nosy and loved butting into any conversation (well, until they got bullied so much that they were forced to be alone), as well as developing hyperfixations on people that I mistook for crushes (they're aro-ace) at first., My 3.5 year old used to give zero fucks about anyone lol. Since starting ABA and preschool she will play limited running and climbing games with my 7 yo son and will watch other kids play with mild interest - especially if they are throwing, catching or dribbling a ball. I’ve been told she plays with friends at school sometimes but I haven’t witnessed it myself. I’m assuming it’s just parallel play. That’s about it. On a similar note, does anyone have any advice about how to respond to other kids who ask me why my daughter isn’t responding or wanting to play with them? Some of these kids are super young and I’m sure if I just say she doesn’t speak or what?, No, Yes, Yup Very similar... He loves though his older brother, My son communicates very little verbally with other kids. He does get around other kids when they play and he is very curious (may leave them without a word when he gets tired) , but adult company is much safer for him because they are less impulsive and pay him dedicated attention. I heard a 'dialogue' from him and this girl from kg in the shop the other day. This girl was very happy to have accidentally met him. "Hi, do you come here often?" "yes" And that was the whole conversation. They just stood there looking at the wares after. The girl taking her head to his shoulder. So I guess sometimes he doesn't need words to get along with someone., Mine loves certain kids. He has always loved his cousin who is only two weeks older than him. He is super protective of his 3 year old brother and adores him. He has a best friend at school and there were few kids he liked when he was in pre-K. But he's mostly apathetic towards other kids. He's been in school since August and is just now becoming more social with other kids besides his best friend., Aw, but that's awesome she shows interest., at least he acknowledges them!, Mine says “no, thank you”, Sounds like my daughter!, Same!, Semi-tolerate for mine lol, Oh that's great!, Yeah sounds like my daughter. She loves tag/chasing games. It's hard for her to communicate otherwise., Yes, same with my daughter., This sounds so similar to my 4yo! I've thought of him the same way as a puppy 😆, My daughters the same way. She finds unique ways to play with objects that other children might find odd. I think it's inventive lol, It sounds like he's trying though so that's great :) I think my daughter prefers to be a loner. I guess she takes after me lol, Same with my daughter! Right now her only friend is her older brother (he's 9). She doesn't seem bothered by it though. She's content doing her own thing. I get it, I'm the same way., Yeah, my daughter's the same, but hey she's happy. Maybe as she gets older she'll start to form friendships., Thanks! She loves tag and chasing games., That’s our exact situation., Aw. that's great!, Same with my daughter. She loves her older brother, and my husband, and I but doesn't like anyone else., Is he in OT? You should look into sensory discrimination in the perioceptive domain., Yeah, my daughters prefers adults!, Saying that, my son likes playing online against random kids that he doesn't know. His social awkwardness makes it difficult to make friends at school., They sound so similar! And yes, my daughter seems happy to go solo too. I’ve noticed the neurotypical girls her age are now noticeably outpacing her on a social/emotional level, but she’ll find the friends she needs — if she wants them., Gonna save this comment and come back to it when we're able to get OT set up 👍🏼, Yes, perfectly put!, It's what my son is working on right now. We're doing games where we hit or knock things and label how hard something is with a number. Like as hard as you can is a ten, and very gentle is a 0 or 1. Yesterday he was play fighting with my wife and she said I only want to be hit if it's a zero or a one, and that worked to keep the roughhousing gentle., My 9yo loves other kids, babies, adults and animals. She is ...well, not exactly appropriate in her play, but she does love them. Her best friend is our 2yo neighbor and she will hug her goodbye every morning and say "bye! Miss uuuuu", they also play together every evening after school. They are super cute, but it's also a little sad, because it's clear 2yo will outgrow her in a year or two, If a stranger says hi to my kid, the first thing he says is "Bye Bye", My son has usually only been interested in other kids as a means to play tag or play with nerf guns. There’s no talk or conversation. He’s a teen now and we know some other autistic teens and they can be quite chatty, but my son is not very interested in that. 🤷‍♀️, Just his baby sister. She’s the only other kid he’ll tolerate., A little bit. He doesn’t like to parallel play but he does like to smile and look at them from funny angles and hug them. He’s nonverbal so he’s really silly and sweet just randomly to certain kids. He will occasionally look over and smile at his sister or laugh at her (she’s 1). We’ve noticed more eye contact with other kids and adults since starting ADHD medication., my kids only 3 but he seeks out other kids at playgrounds for the purpose of chasing him, he doesn’t speak to them or play any other games, My son just turned 5 and is nonverbal most days, limited others. He likes to sit in his wagon and watch the other kids play. But if they try to interact with him, he either looks uncomfortable or bemused by it. He has never really played with another child, even his cousin. He prefers to just watch or do his own thing., Mines only 3 but he LOVES other kids. He loves to mimic or join in what they are doing. He doesn’t talk to them much but he is always excited to see other kids. I describe him as a golden retriever puppy. He has the desire to excitedly play but doesn’t know how to initiate appropriately., He interested but seems to lack confidence and doesn’t know how to play what they are playing. For example, my son is obsessed so try woodchips and will put them in anything he can find outside at daycare, where the other kids are actually playing with the tool bench etc. He wanted to play with the coffee cup and my 3 year old niece for really frustrated and kept saying garbage, since to her, her mommy was all done and it’s supposed to go in the garbage, My 4yo asks for 'friends house' every day. He loves other kids, but he still lacks the skills to appropriately communicate/play with them. He'll script "Hi friends!", but he can't converse back and forth (I'm hoping that develops later). He's working on sharing and taking turns but he's way behind NT kids his age in that respect, so he unfortunately doesn't make many friends on the playground :(, My daughter will be 7 next week and this sounds highly relatable! She’s mainly interested in her younger brother, who has always been her best friend. She has a few friends at school that she plays with at recess but her teacher said she doesn’t seem interested in forming relationships with her peers., My 4 year old is the same way. He will only play with his cousin. He ignores other kids., Yes and no. He’s only 3 right now but he doesn’t seem to care for any other kid but his cousins. He’s in preschool with other special needs kids and he mostly parallel plays with the kids in his class..he doesn’t really have “friends” yet., My son is 14 and still has no interest in other kids. The difference is that they all like him and he can talk to them better *only in school. Thsts just how he is...he prefers adults. There are other autistic kids I know of that do have friends...its s case of take it a day at a time. He's perfectly happy with that choice BTW...as yet.., Nope. Completely indifferent., My 4 year old is similar in that he only cares to play and interact with his older brother and no one else, but in play places he likes to play around kids and will look at them and laugh. No real interaction yet though, He is starting to get there. His teacher says he is hugging some of the other kids at his preschool, and I have seen him doing activities and playing games in a very limited way with them. I think they are doing most of the work of making the activity or game work. But he did freak out when another autistic kid who was stimming stopped by his speech therapy the other day. I was, like, child, you are an autistic kid with some stims. What are you doing?, Our son was the same in kindergarten. I think often, he simply didn't hear the other kid say "Hi", because he was lost in his own thoughts, and even if he heard, he had no concept on how to respond. He is slowly showing more interest in other kids now, but still prone to simply walk away when the mood strikes him. I think the fact that your daughter is interested in her older brother can be an encouraging sign., My son is 11 and had 1 friend for the longest time. No interest at all in making more friends. Recently he’s made another friend through the first one though! I think he just likes what he likes, and if you’re not into it he’s fine to do it on his own. He’s very particular about how and what he plays., My son never liked other kids, especially babies and toddlers. He said babies looked weird, and small children were too unpredictable. He hadn't once hung out with another kid up until last month, and he's now 15. He also never really responded much when other kids would come up to him. It was super awkward for me to witness... lol Now in HS he has a small group of friends at high school, but still doesn't really want to hangout. My wife and I push him to have someone over but he always says "what's the point"., My son is almost 6, totally uninterested in other kids. Not bothered by them but basically acts like they don’t exist He has a brother 2 years older he plays with here and there and he’s social with me and his dad, My 3yo (level 1) son is interested in other kids. He goes up to them and waves and says “Hi friend!” He was playing peek-a-boo with my coworker’s 4yo daughter this weekend and my heart almost burst!, My 3 year old son (level 1) is, but he doesn't understand at all what is appropriate and what is not- will try to touch new friends' faces, hug them, play rough, My son is 5. He doesn't like kids his age/size or smaller but loves his big brother. He has a 2yr old cousin that came up and hugged him once and he cried. He will run around with a lil boy his age in his spec class according to his teacher. We ran into the same kiddo at a play place and they acknowledged each other but didn't play together. Unless it's a trusted adult or his brother, my son isn't into socializing., Mine does and doesn’t. I’m keeping an eye on it for sure., My level 1 son has friends who have the same interests as him, game modding and video games such as Mario. He has always liked other kids but was always playing too rough with them. He has always been interested in his little sister and cousins his age., One of my sons loves to play with other kids. My other son could take it or leave it. The only kid he ever really yearns to play with is his brother. Like he might check out what other kids are doing but if they don't want to play what he wants to play then he's not really bothered by it, unless that other kid he was trying to play with is his brother. They're both 3.5., He’s 6, he likes teenagers. That’s it !, Mine isn't interested in stranger kids, random on the playground or at a party. She will interact with well known kids like certain classmates. Like one she met in 4k so they've been in class together 2 years., Kiddo is 7 and has never had a friend. He plays with his little brother but is terrified of his peers and often tells them to go away. He’s made some slight progress this year at school but still a long ways to go. He is verbal, gifted intelligence, no cognitive delays or struggles, no stimming or repetitive behaviors, no sensory issues that we are aware of… honestly his only ASD trait (for lack of a better word) is his extreme social anxiety and some hyperfocus. Every year I think, maybe this will be the year he plays with another peer and… nope. He’s been terrified of them since he was a toddler., Our oldest (more severe) was always social. Youngest prefers her brother, but seems to be coming out of her shell with her classmates now., My 5yo likes older kids way more than kids her age. She wants to take the older kids by the hand and play. The ones her age, she will say hi. Stare at them if they say anything to her. Then just go about her business, Yes, very interested. He is semi verbal but won't talk much to them. Just runs alongside smiling and will try to engage in whatever they're doing. Loves playing with his sister and is much more talkative with her., My daughter is starting to follow other kids around and asking to be their friend. Adorable but sometimes it’s older kids, because she’s interested and curious., My 7yo goes to regular school, does great academically but peer communication is one of his main issues. From what I saw in the beginning of the school year - he worked fine with other kids during the lessons but outside of them - full ignore, he could not even realize that his classmate was talking to him. Around NY his teacher told me he was playing with one girl during the recess and they even got reprimanded for talking in class (which I was super excited about) but it seemed to be a one time thing. I want him to go to some kind of communication group but there is no time and there aren't many (if any) options in our city., my 3 year old loves the 10-17 age group ( so her siblings friends) I feel like this is because they have the patience to do things on her terms ( that and her 16 year old sister's friends spoil her lol) anf the older group tends to be more forgiving Kids her age are interested in her but she prefers everything t9 be on her terms and has very restricted play so she doesn't care to much. She's more into being okay with them playing in her space but not with her or anything she has around her, My 3.5 year old (moderate) loves adults and teens. LOATHES kids. He looks at his 2 yr old and 5 mo old brothers like they are disgusting and annoying. Avoids interaction with them and other children at all costs. I take them to story time, art class, play group, museums, etc several times a week. We always leave if he wants to, but I ask him to try to stay just a little while each time. It's...a lot., No, not really., My level 2 son smiles at and follows younger kids on the playground, but doesn't manage to really initiate play. With kids he knows better, like his sister's friend's younger siblings, younger cousins and older sister, he sometimes asks "can you play with me?" But doesn't always stay engaged long. Sometimes he can take turns, but most of the time he needs an adult to direct, or to be directing the play himself for it to be 'successful'. It often ends up with my son being sad because someone isn't playing correctly, in his opinion. In large groups, like birthday parties, he withdrawals and prefers independent or parallel play to the organized activity. So yes, he has some limited interest in other kids, but can't quite connect usually., Into parallel play at age 4 with no sign of changing, My kid was...a little too interested, but also got along better with adults. They were super nosy and loved butting into any conversation (well, until they got bullied so much that they were forced to be alone), as well as developing hyperfixations on people that I mistook for crushes (they're aro-ace) at first., My 3.5 year old used to give zero fucks about anyone lol. Since starting ABA and preschool she will play limited running and climbing games with my 7 yo son and will watch other kids play with mild interest - especially if they are throwing, catching or dribbling a ball. I’ve been told she plays with friends at school sometimes but I haven’t witnessed it myself. I’m assuming it’s just parallel play. That’s about it. On a similar note, does anyone have any advice about how to respond to other kids who ask me why my daughter isn’t responding or wanting to play with them? Some of these kids are super young and I’m sure if I just say she doesn’t speak or what?, No, Yes, Yup Very similar... He loves though his older brother, My son communicates very little verbally with other kids. He does get around other kids when they play and he is very curious (may leave them without a word when he gets tired) , but adult company is much safer for him because they are less impulsive and pay him dedicated attention. I heard a 'dialogue' from him and this girl from kg in the shop the other day. This girl was very happy to have accidentally met him. "Hi, do you come here often?" "yes" And that was the whole conversation. They just stood there looking at the wares after. The girl taking her head to his shoulder. So I guess sometimes he doesn't need words to get along with someone., Mine loves certain kids. He has always loved his cousin who is only two weeks older than him. He is super protective of his 3 year old brother and adores him. He has a best friend at school and there were few kids he liked when he was in pre-K. But he's mostly apathetic towards other kids. He's been in school since August and is just now becoming more social with other kids besides his best friend., Aw, but that's awesome she shows interest., at least he acknowledges them!, Mine says “no, thank you”, Sounds like my daughter!, Same!, Semi-tolerate for mine lol, Oh that's great!, Yeah sounds like my daughter. She loves tag/chasing games. It's hard for her to communicate otherwise., Yes, same with my daughter., This sounds so similar to my 4yo! I've thought of him the same way as a puppy 😆, My daughters the same way. She finds unique ways to play with objects that other children might find odd. I think it's inventive lol, It sounds like he's trying though so that's great :) I think my daughter prefers to be a loner. I guess she takes after me lol, Same with my daughter! Right now her only friend is her older brother (he's 9). She doesn't seem bothered by it though. She's content doing her own thing. I get it, I'm the same way., Yeah, my daughter's the same, but hey she's happy. Maybe as she gets older she'll start to form friendships., Thanks! She loves tag and chasing games., That’s our exact situation., Aw. that's great!, Same with my daughter. She loves her older brother, and my husband, and I but doesn't like anyone else., Is he in OT? You should look into sensory discrimination in the perioceptive domain., Yeah, my daughters prefers adults!, Saying that, my son likes playing online against random kids that he doesn't know. His social awkwardness makes it difficult to make friends at school., They sound so similar! And yes, my daughter seems happy to go solo too. I’ve noticed the neurotypical girls her age are now noticeably outpacing her on a social/emotional level, but she’ll find the friends she needs — if she wants them., Gonna save this comment and come back to it when we're able to get OT set up 👍🏼, Yes, perfectly put!, It's what my son is working on right now. We're doing games where we hit or knock things and label how hard something is with a number. Like as hard as you can is a ten, and very gentle is a 0 or 1. Yesterday he was play fighting with my wife and she said I only want to be hit if it's a zero or a one, and that worked to keep the roughhousing gentle., My 9yo loves other kids, babies, adults and animals. She is ...well, not exactly appropriate in her play, but she does love them. Her best friend is our 2yo neighbor and she will hug her goodbye every morning and say "bye! Miss uuuuu", they also play together every evening after school. They are super cute, but it's also a little sad, because it's clear 2yo will outgrow her in a year or two, If a stranger says hi to my kid, the first thing he says is "Bye Bye", My son has usually only been interested in other kids as a means to play tag or play with nerf guns. There’s no talk or conversation. He’s a teen now and we know some other autistic teens and they can be quite chatty, but my son is not very interested in that. 🤷‍♀️, Just his baby sister. She’s the only other kid he’ll tolerate., A little bit. He doesn’t like to parallel play but he does like to smile and look at them from funny angles and hug them. He’s nonverbal so he’s really silly and sweet just randomly to certain kids. He will occasionally look over and smile at his sister or laugh at her (she’s 1). We’ve noticed more eye contact with other kids and adults since starting ADHD medication., my kids only 3 but he seeks out other kids at playgrounds for the purpose of chasing him, he doesn’t speak to them or play any other games, My son just turned 5 and is nonverbal most days, limited others. He likes to sit in his wagon and watch the other kids play. But if they try to interact with him, he either looks uncomfortable or bemused by it. He has never really played with another child, even his cousin. He prefers to just watch or do his own thing., Mines only 3 but he LOVES other kids. He loves to mimic or join in what they are doing. He doesn’t talk to them much but he is always excited to see other kids. I describe him as a golden retriever puppy. He has the desire to excitedly play but doesn’t know how to initiate appropriately., He interested but seems to lack confidence and doesn’t know how to play what they are playing. For example, my son is obsessed so try woodchips and will put them in anything he can find outside at daycare, where the other kids are actually playing with the tool bench etc. He wanted to play with the coffee cup and my 3 year old niece for really frustrated and kept saying garbage, since to her, her mommy was all done and it’s supposed to go in the garbage, My 4yo asks for 'friends house' every day. He loves other kids, but he still lacks the skills to appropriately communicate/play with them. He'll script "Hi friends!", but he can't converse back and forth (I'm hoping that develops later). He's working on sharing and taking turns but he's way behind NT kids his age in that respect, so he unfortunately doesn't make many friends on the playground :(, My daughter will be 7 next week and this sounds highly relatable! She’s mainly interested in her younger brother, who has always been her best friend. She has a few friends at school that she plays with at recess but her teacher said she doesn’t seem interested in forming relationships with her peers., My 4 year old is the same way. He will only play with his cousin. He ignores other kids., Yes and no. He’s only 3 right now but he doesn’t seem to care for any other kid but his cousins. He’s in preschool with other special needs kids and he mostly parallel plays with the kids in his class..he doesn’t really have “friends” yet., My son is 14 and still has no interest in other kids. The difference is that they all like him and he can talk to them better *only in school. Thsts just how he is...he prefers adults. There are other autistic kids I know of that do have friends...its s case of take it a day at a time. He's perfectly happy with that choice BTW...as yet.., Nope. Completely indifferent., My 4 year old is similar in that he only cares to play and interact with his older brother and no one else, but in play places he likes to play around kids and will look at them and laugh. No real interaction yet though, He is starting to get there. His teacher says he is hugging some of the other kids at his preschool, and I have seen him doing activities and playing games in a very limited way with them. I think they are doing most of the work of making the activity or game work. But he did freak out when another autistic kid who was stimming stopped by his speech therapy the other day. I was, like, child, you are an autistic kid with some stims. What are you doing?, Our son was the same in kindergarten. I think often, he simply didn't hear the other kid say "Hi", because he was lost in his own thoughts, and even if he heard, he had no concept on how to respond. He is slowly showing more interest in other kids now, but still prone to simply walk away when the mood strikes him. I think the fact that your daughter is interested in her older brother can be an encouraging sign., My son is 11 and had 1 friend for the longest time. No interest at all in making more friends. Recently he’s made another friend through the first one though! I think he just likes what he likes, and if you’re not into it he’s fine to do it on his own. He’s very particular about how and what he plays., My son never liked other kids, especially babies and toddlers. He said babies looked weird, and small children were too unpredictable. He hadn't once hung out with another kid up until last month, and he's now 15. He also never really responded much when other kids would come up to him. It was super awkward for me to witness... lol Now in HS he has a small group of friends at high school, but still doesn't really want to hangout. My wife and I push him to have someone over but he always says "what's the point"., My son is almost 6, totally uninterested in other kids. Not bothered by them but basically acts like they don’t exist He has a brother 2 years older he plays with here and there and he’s social with me and his dad, My 3yo (level 1) son is interested in other kids. He goes up to them and waves and says “Hi friend!” He was playing peek-a-boo with my coworker’s 4yo daughter this weekend and my heart almost burst!, My 3 year old son (level 1) is, but he doesn't understand at all what is appropriate and what is not- will try to touch new friends' faces, hug them, play rough, My son is 5. He doesn't like kids his age/size or smaller but loves his big brother. He has a 2yr old cousin that came up and hugged him once and he cried. He will run around with a lil boy his age in his spec class according to his teacher. We ran into the same kiddo at a play place and they acknowledged each other but didn't play together. Unless it's a trusted adult or his brother, my son isn't into socializing., Mine does and doesn’t. I’m keeping an eye on it for sure., My level 1 son has friends who have the same interests as him, game modding and video games such as Mario. He has always liked other kids but was always playing too rough with them. He has always been interested in his little sister and cousins his age., One of my sons loves to play with other kids. My other son could take it or leave it. The only kid he ever really yearns to play with is his brother. Like he might check out what other kids are doing but if they don't want to play what he wants to play then he's not really bothered by it, unless that other kid he was trying to play with is his brother. They're both 3.5., He’s 6, he likes teenagers. That’s it !, Mine isn't interested in stranger kids, random on the playground or at a party. She will interact with well known kids like certain classmates. Like one she met in 4k so they've been in class together 2 years., Kiddo is 7 and has never had a friend. He plays with his little brother but is terrified of his peers and often tells them to go away. He’s made some slight progress this year at school but still a long ways to go. He is verbal, gifted intelligence, no cognitive delays or struggles, no stimming or repetitive behaviors, no sensory issues that we are aware of… honestly his only ASD trait (for lack of a better word) is his extreme social anxiety and some hyperfocus. Every year I think, maybe this will be the year he plays with another peer and… nope. He’s been terrified of them since he was a toddler., Our oldest (more severe) was always social. Youngest prefers her brother, but seems to be coming out of her shell with her classmates now., My 5yo likes older kids way more than kids her age. She wants to take the older kids by the hand and play. The ones her age, she will say hi. Stare at them if they say anything to her. Then just go about her business, Yes, very interested. He is semi verbal but won't talk much to them. Just runs alongside smiling and will try to engage in whatever they're doing. Loves playing with his sister and is much more talkative with her., My daughter is starting to follow other kids around and asking to be their friend. Adorable but sometimes it’s older kids, because she’s interested and curious., My 7yo goes to regular school, does great academically but peer communication is one of his main issues. From what I saw in the beginning of the school year - he worked fine with other kids during the lessons but outside of them - full ignore, he could not even realize that his classmate was talking to him. Around NY his teacher told me he was playing with one girl during the recess and they even got reprimanded for talking in class (which I was super excited about) but it seemed to be a one time thing. I want him to go to some kind of communication group but there is no time and there aren't many (if any) options in our city., my 3 year old loves the 10-17 age group ( so her siblings friends) I feel like this is because they have the patience to do things on her terms ( that and her 16 year old sister's friends spoil her lol) anf the older group tends to be more forgiving Kids her age are interested in her but she prefers everything t9 be on her terms and has very restricted play so she doesn't care to much. She's more into being okay with them playing in her space but not with her or anything she has around her, My 3.5 year old (moderate) loves adults and teens. LOATHES kids. He looks at his 2 yr old and 5 mo old brothers like they are disgusting and annoying. Avoids interaction with them and other children at all costs. I take them to story time, art class, play group, museums, etc several times a week. We always leave if he wants to, but I ask him to try to stay just a little while each time. It's...a lot., No, not really., My level 2 son smiles at and follows younger kids on the playground, but doesn't manage to really initiate play. With kids he knows better, like his sister's friend's younger siblings, younger cousins and older sister, he sometimes asks "can you play with me?" But doesn't always stay engaged long. Sometimes he can take turns, but most of the time he needs an adult to direct, or to be directing the play himself for it to be 'successful'. It often ends up with my son being sad because someone isn't playing correctly, in his opinion. In large groups, like birthday parties, he withdrawals and prefers independent or parallel play to the organized activity. So yes, he has some limited interest in other kids, but can't quite connect usually., Into parallel play at age 4 with no sign of changing, My kid was...a little too interested, but also got along better with adults. They were super nosy and loved butting into any conversation (well, until they got bullied so much that they were forced to be alone), as well as developing hyperfixations on people that I mistook for crushes (they're aro-ace) at first., My 3.5 year old used to give zero fucks about anyone lol. Since starting ABA and preschool she will play limited running and climbing games with my 7 yo son and will watch other kids play with mild interest - especially if they are throwing, catching or dribbling a ball. I’ve been told she plays with friends at school sometimes but I haven’t witnessed it myself. I’m assuming it’s just parallel play. That’s about it. On a similar note, does anyone have any advice about how to respond to other kids who ask me why my daughter isn’t responding or wanting to play with them? Some of these kids are super young and I’m sure if I just say she doesn’t speak or what?, No, Yes, Yup Very similar... He loves though his older brother, My son communicates very little verbally with other kids. He does get around other kids when they play and he is very curious (may leave them without a word when he gets tired) , but adult company is much safer for him because they are less impulsive and pay him dedicated attention. I heard a 'dialogue' from him and this girl from kg in the shop the other day. This girl was very happy to have accidentally met him. "Hi, do you come here often?" "yes" And that was the whole conversation. They just stood there looking at the wares after. The girl taking her head to his shoulder. So I guess sometimes he doesn't need words to get along with someone., Mine loves certain kids. He has always loved his cousin who is only two weeks older than him. He is super protective of his 3 year old brother and adores him. He has a best friend at school and there were few kids he liked when he was in pre-K. But he's mostly apathetic towards other kids. He's been in school since August and is just now becoming more social with other kids besides his best friend., Aw, but that's awesome she shows interest., at least he acknowledges them!, Mine says “no, thank you”, Sounds like my daughter!, Same!, Semi-tolerate for mine lol, Oh that's great!, Yeah sounds like my daughter. She loves tag/chasing games. It's hard for her to communicate otherwise., Yes, same with my daughter., This sounds so similar to my 4yo! I've thought of him the same way as a puppy 😆, My daughters the same way. She finds unique ways to play with objects that other children might find odd. I think it's inventive lol, It sounds like he's trying though so that's great :) I think my daughter prefers to be a loner. I guess she takes after me lol, Same with my daughter! Right now her only friend is her older brother (he's 9). She doesn't seem bothered by it though. She's content doing her own thing. I get it, I'm the same way., Yeah, my daughter's the same, but hey she's happy. Maybe as she gets older she'll start to form friendships., Thanks! She loves tag and chasing games., That’s our exact situation., Aw. that's great!, Same with my daughter. She loves her older brother, and my husband, and I but doesn't like anyone else., Is he in OT? You should look into sensory discrimination in the perioceptive domain., Yeah, my daughters prefers adults!, Saying that, my son likes playing online against random kids that he doesn't know. His social awkwardness makes it difficult to make friends at school., They sound so similar! And yes, my daughter seems happy to go solo too. I’ve noticed the neurotypical girls her age are now noticeably outpacing her on a social/emotional level, but she’ll find the friends she needs — if she wants them., Gonna save this comment and come back to it when we're able to get OT set up 👍🏼, Yes, perfectly put!, It's what my son is working on right now. We're doing games where we hit or knock things and label how hard something is with a number. Like as hard as you can is a ten, and very gentle is a 0 or 1. Yesterday he was play fighting with my wife and she said I only want to be hit if it's a zero or a one, and that worked to keep the roughhousing gentle.

Articulation speech issie

My 8yo level 2 autistic son spoke with normal range of vocabulary at the normal time frame. However his articulation ie pronunciation is very hard to understand. We have him in private speech twice a week and he was is speech with school district as of 3 years old. None of it has made much difference at all. Like, he sounds the same. Its been 5 years in speech and I have to strain to understand him. My question is, are there autistic adults out there who still have almost unintelligible speech? I am stressing because its just not working and he is getting made fun of for sounding like a baby. I am at a loss. Each session is $100 a pop and its a huge strain to pay for it but I wont stop because I not going to give up on his speech.

My 4yo son does have odd sounding "l" that he pronounces like "y" if that makes sense and it persists despite our modeling of the proper sounding. It's not really a nuisance and we can easily understand when he speaks tho., My 4yo son does have odd sounding "l" that he pronounces like "y" if that makes sense and it persists despite our modeling of the proper sounding. It's not really a nuisance and we can easily understand when he speaks tho., My 4yo son does have odd sounding "l" that he pronounces like "y" if that makes sense and it persists despite our modeling of the proper sounding. It's not really a nuisance and we can easily understand when he speaks tho., My 4yo son does have odd sounding "l" that he pronounces like "y" if that makes sense and it persists despite our modeling of the proper sounding. It's not really a nuisance and we can easily understand when he speaks tho.

Asking for milk 5 min after being tucked in?

Hello! He’s two , we have a whole bedtime routine . Milk during tv/stories , pajamas , brush teeth then bed . After I put him down he likes to say milk now . I’ve been telling him dinner is when we eat and then bedtime routine is milk. I offer water instead which he doesn’t want . My friend who doesn’t have kids say I should just give it to him. . However I don’t want to mess up his teeth . He’ll drink two cups and have a snack before bed and it’s a hard spout cup? Maybe a comfort thing ? Because sometimes he just holds i hugging but . He goes to bed shortly after . Am I right or wrong ! Thank you so much .

Offer water, if he refuses then that’s it. He’s already brushed his teeth. He doesn’t need it. Milk contains lactose which can cause decay if left to sit on his teeth all night. Your bedtime routine sounds great!, I totally understand your struggle, but stick to your bedtime routine! My son used to do the same thing, and if you give in once then he'll keep asking for milk every night. Stay strong!, Thank you everyone you guys are awesome!, [deleted], Ty I know my lil sister had to get caps on her teeth from going to sleep with the bottle . My teeth were messed up by the time I was 18 because my parents didn’t care . lol. I just don’t want to feel like I’m denying him and wasn’t sure if he really understands but I think he does I repeatedly talk about it . Ty it’s hard sometimes not having a parent in the same situation to talk to . I really appreciate it ., A lot of times he only takes a sip or so . I just feel bad denying him ., It’s ok to deny him. I have a 27 year old with autism and I’ve learned that many times we have to be the one to say no. Boundaries, limits, routines and even discipline are all ok. Many of our kiddos don’t know how to self impose limits so we have to help them. I know your little one is only 2, but in the long run it will help if he learns that when mom says “no” , that’s it. You are not denying him his milk, he had it and now it’s bed time., I can’t agree more with this advice. This is the age where kids are testing boundaries, learning what they can get away with. It’s totally normal behavior, but you have to help him understand what is acceptable and what isn’t. If you give in on this, you’ll not only set precedence for getting milk every night, but you’ll also be giving the precedence that many other boundaries are optional. He will protest, may throw a fit, but if you stick with it and stay consistent, he’ll learn and accept it. And you’re doing great!!, I'm of the same thinking. 🙌, Offer water, if he refuses then that’s it. He’s already brushed his teeth. He doesn’t need it. Milk contains lactose which can cause decay if left to sit on his teeth all night. Your bedtime routine sounds great!, I totally understand your struggle, but stick to your bedtime routine! My son used to do the same thing, and if you give in once then he'll keep asking for milk every night. Stay strong!, Thank you everyone you guys are awesome!, [deleted], Ty I know my lil sister had to get caps on her teeth from going to sleep with the bottle . My teeth were messed up by the time I was 18 because my parents didn’t care . lol. I just don’t want to feel like I’m denying him and wasn’t sure if he really understands but I think he does I repeatedly talk about it . Ty it’s hard sometimes not having a parent in the same situation to talk to . I really appreciate it ., A lot of times he only takes a sip or so . I just feel bad denying him ., It’s ok to deny him. I have a 27 year old with autism and I’ve learned that many times we have to be the one to say no. Boundaries, limits, routines and even discipline are all ok. Many of our kiddos don’t know how to self impose limits so we have to help them. I know your little one is only 2, but in the long run it will help if he learns that when mom says “no” , that’s it. You are not denying him his milk, he had it and now it’s bed time., I can’t agree more with this advice. This is the age where kids are testing boundaries, learning what they can get away with. It’s totally normal behavior, but you have to help him understand what is acceptable and what isn’t. If you give in on this, you’ll not only set precedence for getting milk every night, but you’ll also be giving the precedence that many other boundaries are optional. He will protest, may throw a fit, but if you stick with it and stay consistent, he’ll learn and accept it. And you’re doing great!!, I'm of the same thinking. 🙌, Offer water, if he refuses then that’s it. He’s already brushed his teeth. He doesn’t need it. Milk contains lactose which can cause decay if left to sit on his teeth all night. Your bedtime routine sounds great!, I totally understand your struggle, but stick to your bedtime routine! My son used to do the same thing, and if you give in once then he'll keep asking for milk every night. Stay strong!, Thank you everyone you guys are awesome!, [deleted], Ty I know my lil sister had to get caps on her teeth from going to sleep with the bottle . My teeth were messed up by the time I was 18 because my parents didn’t care . lol. I just don’t want to feel like I’m denying him and wasn’t sure if he really understands but I think he does I repeatedly talk about it . Ty it’s hard sometimes not having a parent in the same situation to talk to . I really appreciate it ., A lot of times he only takes a sip or so . I just feel bad denying him ., It’s ok to deny him. I have a 27 year old with autism and I’ve learned that many times we have to be the one to say no. Boundaries, limits, routines and even discipline are all ok. Many of our kiddos don’t know how to self impose limits so we have to help them. I know your little one is only 2, but in the long run it will help if he learns that when mom says “no” , that’s it. You are not denying him his milk, he had it and now it’s bed time., I can’t agree more with this advice. This is the age where kids are testing boundaries, learning what they can get away with. It’s totally normal behavior, but you have to help him understand what is acceptable and what isn’t. If you give in on this, you’ll not only set precedence for getting milk every night, but you’ll also be giving the precedence that many other boundaries are optional. He will protest, may throw a fit, but if you stick with it and stay consistent, he’ll learn and accept it. And you’re doing great!!, I'm of the same thinking. 🙌, Offer water, if he refuses then that’s it. He’s already brushed his teeth. He doesn’t need it. Milk contains lactose which can cause decay if left to sit on his teeth all night. Your bedtime routine sounds great!, I totally understand your struggle, but stick to your bedtime routine! My son used to do the same thing, and if you give in once then he'll keep asking for milk every night. Stay strong!, Thank you everyone you guys are awesome!, [deleted], Ty I know my lil sister had to get caps on her teeth from going to sleep with the bottle . My teeth were messed up by the time I was 18 because my parents didn’t care . lol. I just don’t want to feel like I’m denying him and wasn’t sure if he really understands but I think he does I repeatedly talk about it . Ty it’s hard sometimes not having a parent in the same situation to talk to . I really appreciate it ., A lot of times he only takes a sip or so . I just feel bad denying him ., It’s ok to deny him. I have a 27 year old with autism and I’ve learned that many times we have to be the one to say no. Boundaries, limits, routines and even discipline are all ok. Many of our kiddos don’t know how to self impose limits so we have to help them. I know your little one is only 2, but in the long run it will help if he learns that when mom says “no” , that’s it. You are not denying him his milk, he had it and now it’s bed time., I can’t agree more with this advice. This is the age where kids are testing boundaries, learning what they can get away with. It’s totally normal behavior, but you have to help him understand what is acceptable and what isn’t. If you give in on this, you’ll not only set precedence for getting milk every night, but you’ll also be giving the precedence that many other boundaries are optional. He will protest, may throw a fit, but if you stick with it and stay consistent, he’ll learn and accept it. And you’re doing great!!, I'm of the same thinking. 🙌

At our wits end and lost

I have an almost 8 year old son and in process of trying to get him diagnosed. We have tried for years to get doctors o listen to us - he has tics ( constantly repeating ), sensory ( picking his nose , licking things) and unbelievable anger/tantrums. We are constantly on egg shells in the house. We don’t know how to handle the bad behaviour - if we say no or times up on screens he will either be placid or get angry when we won’t give in to one more minute. When I say angry I mean shouting, throwing stuff, hitting us ( not with force anymore thankfully): saying mean things. Had anyone any guidance? School is an issue too but he is also being bullied there. Trying to resolve it but difficult as teachers seem to focus only on his behaviour ( ie sending rude notes). Sorry for long post

I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing with your son. It sounds like you're going through a lot, I understand how overwhelming it can be. It's so frustrating that you haven't been listened to -- continue seeking professional evaluation and support for your son's needs. Positive reinforcement techniques, consistent routines, and seeking therapy (OT, ST, ABA, counseling, etc.) might be beneficial to help manage his behavior. Is there anyone else you could work closely with at the school to develop a plan to support him? Best of luck to you!!, I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing with your son. It sounds like you're going through a lot, I understand how overwhelming it can be. It's so frustrating that you haven't been listened to -- continue seeking professional evaluation and support for your son's needs. Positive reinforcement techniques, consistent routines, and seeking therapy (OT, ST, ABA, counseling, etc.) might be beneficial to help manage his behavior. Is there anyone else you could work closely with at the school to develop a plan to support him? Best of luck to you!!, I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing with your son. It sounds like you're going through a lot, I understand how overwhelming it can be. It's so frustrating that you haven't been listened to -- continue seeking professional evaluation and support for your son's needs. Positive reinforcement techniques, consistent routines, and seeking therapy (OT, ST, ABA, counseling, etc.) might be beneficial to help manage his behavior. Is there anyone else you could work closely with at the school to develop a plan to support him? Best of luck to you!!, I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing with your son. It sounds like you're going through a lot, I understand how overwhelming it can be. It's so frustrating that you haven't been listened to -- continue seeking professional evaluation and support for your son's needs. Positive reinforcement techniques, consistent routines, and seeking therapy (OT, ST, ABA, counseling, etc.) might be beneficial to help manage his behavior. Is there anyone else you could work closely with at the school to develop a plan to support him? Best of luck to you!!

At what age did the constant whining stop?

Even if we give her what she wants she whines. Aba says she whines all day there also but still follows through with goals. Hoping she grows out to it. She turns 3 in September. She has a aac device and we are helping her express her needs.

My son is 11. I'll let you know when it happens!, I've met so many old people who can't quit whining for 5 minutes. Some people don't grow out of the whine and whimper. Hang tight., Does she have an outlet to meet sensory needs? Either to stimulate or soothe? Are you working with an OT? Anytime there has been an increase in whining with one of my asd kiddos it's due to not feeling well, a need for sensory input, or a need for secure attachment and connection to a parent., My NT daughter is 5, still whines constantly., Does your child have any words they use, or are they nonverbal? My son is nonverbal and did a lot of whining early on. I look at it as a vocalization of their needs. Also, my son did tons of pulling. We worked redirection using asl a lot around 2. Not many just the basics. More. Please. Help. Dad. I would say I hear you, do you need help, and I would demonstrate the sign. I think its key to giving them other options. The Aac device, if you can make that happen at home, is awesome. My son uses it at Aba and school but hates it at home. My son still will pull but much less whining now that he is 4.5. If he is whining, I know he is distressed and needs to reset. Also, from 2-3 is lots of developing. Nt toddlers are super whiny at 2-3, and they don't have the challenges our kiddos face. 3-4 was just steady progress. My son is still nonverbal, so it does make it tough sometimes. But we work hard. It's a long journey, and you never know when those jumps in development happen., I’m sorry to say she must be whining bc she’s in some kind of discomfort, like pain. My girl whines sometimes and it could last for a while but it’s not a permanent state or phase that will pass., My daughter started horrible nonstop whining at 18 months.. but after she learned sign language it mostly stopped once ahe could get her needs met but now a little after 2 years old we are dealing with a bable in place of words, OMG! Please someone tell me it stops. My 4 YO whines each and every time she doesn't want to do something & everytime you tell her "no," or require her to wait more than 2.2 secs, or make her wash her hands, etc. etc., etc. Please tell me this stops by like age 6. 😭😭, What is she whining about, exactly?, If it makes you feel any better, it's totally developmentally appropriate. They're the terrible two's, not the terrific twos. And soon you will have a Threenager. Whining, no matter how aggravating it can be because you were likely raised like me and yelled at for it, is a form of communication. She's exploring her own skills, likes, and dislikes. Just take a breath and remember; this is her first time being a person, she doesn't understand how she's acting or how it seems., I think it has less to do with age and more to do with skills. I think as they’re able to communicate more fluently (whether vocally or through a device) and get their sensory needs met, the whining decreases. At least that was the case with me. My son significantly decreased whining at around 4. Even though it’s super frustrating I always remember how much more frustrating it must be for my child to have communication barriers and literally experience the world differently., My children used to whine too I just made them self aware and told them to ask me without their voice sounding like that. She’s only 3 so u just have to be patient for now., I wish I knew. My youngest turns 3 on the 29th. He’s really my whiner. My oldest turns 5 in October, he doesn’t really whine at all but if he does, I take it a bit more seriously (for lack of better words). Both preverbal. My youngest is the boy who cried wolf. He whines and cries at me harder for water than he cried when he got bit by a dog., When they bury me?? Haha, This made me laugh as well as relate to so much! My son whines all day long and still does what he needs to donor what we need him to do!, This is so discouraging 😭😂, Why do I feel like you’re talking about me specifically 😂😂😂, 👆🏻 This is what I'm thinking 😂🤣 Edit: and by this I mean, this isn't so much an autism thing as much as it is a people thing. Kids in general are especially prone to whining., I was about to say this, I have both an autistic son and an NT daughter.. the daughter whines just as much if not more 😅, Yes. She repeats what ever we say. For example, she points up. We say, “say it”, since we know she can. We pick her up and she still whines., I have 4.5 year old boy. I’m hoping the same!, Any better?, I'm exaggerating for comic effect of course! He has actually improved a ton since the toddler days. But he still occasionally gets into moods where the whining is constant., Because I'm a whiny ass too 😂, Same 😑, I wonder if maybe there might be discomfort or something she's not sure how to express and let you know..., Any better, Its a tiny bit better as she nears 5. But its still way more than the usual (of course, compared to NT kids)., I think the saying “It takes one to know one” is true then 😂😂😂, Yes, a bit! It's been replaced with some more words and negotiating attempts. He whines at first, but the time is much shorter....as he realized trying to use his words is much more effective. How about on your end?, We are just coming over a sickness so it’s seems to be back to lately, that why revisited this post lol

AuDHD - how to stop episode

My son is 7 and we are both AuDHD. He’s medicated with Rit—- it works great but it’s the short acting. He won’t eat when medicated so it’s a balance of big breakfast and big supper because he has zero appetite when medicated. Lately, when the meds wear off, he’s been behaving like he’s been triggered and I don’t always know why. I learned a lot of ways to stop triggers to his anger but sometimes it builds… Like he will be acting goofy but inappropriate like throwing things that can damage wall/window, or bouncing balls that can hit table dishes, or wrestling with brother but increasingly hard, or playing with toys or objects but rough and trying to take it apart. Then that escalates as I try and stop the behaviour and then he gets upset and has a full on tantrum/episode where he’ll actively try and break everything like the TV, or window, or urinate on something and say awful things about me and his brother, and hit us. I haven’t figured out how to stop him when he’s full blown BUT I also feel like there is some room in between when he’s amped up but not intentionally harming others/objects but I don’t know what. Does anyone have strategies? Also… I wonder if it’s time to change meds. The issue is they work so so well until they wear off… would other meds be better? I know it can be such a challenge to find meds that work.

Could it be the medication wears off too quickly, so for instance around 16h a tiny bit can help take the edge off?, No advice, but this sounds exactly like my 8 y/o son who is AuDHD. He's also on ritalin. He's on a long acting dose he takes in the morning along with a short acting dose, plus another short acting dose at lunch. He does great for the most part once the med kicks in, but we can tell the moment the meds wear off in the late afternoon. Then it's like he turns into another person. Says really mean things, has no filter with his mouth, punches, screams. He can barely function. It's a window from 5-6:30 & then miraculously at 6:30 he chills out again. It's been worse since daylight savings time for some reason. We're trying different things like just giving him youtube on the TV in the living room alone while he repeatedly jumps off the couch on the crash pad. Yesterday I took him to a park late & we got back around 6. He did well, but then he was a mess later & it was like his dysregulation time just got pushed back. He also only eats right before bed time or when he first gets up. Every night when it's time to get ready for bed that's when he's all of a sudden starving., Could it be the medication wears off too quickly, so for instance around 16h a tiny bit can help take the edge off?, No advice, but this sounds exactly like my 8 y/o son who is AuDHD. He's also on ritalin. He's on a long acting dose he takes in the morning along with a short acting dose, plus another short acting dose at lunch. He does great for the most part once the med kicks in, but we can tell the moment the meds wear off in the late afternoon. Then it's like he turns into another person. Says really mean things, has no filter with his mouth, punches, screams. He can barely function. It's a window from 5-6:30 & then miraculously at 6:30 he chills out again. It's been worse since daylight savings time for some reason. We're trying different things like just giving him youtube on the TV in the living room alone while he repeatedly jumps off the couch on the crash pad. Yesterday I took him to a park late & we got back around 6. He did well, but then he was a mess later & it was like his dysregulation time just got pushed back. He also only eats right before bed time or when he first gets up. Every night when it's time to get ready for bed that's when he's all of a sudden starving., Could it be the medication wears off too quickly, so for instance around 16h a tiny bit can help take the edge off?, No advice, but this sounds exactly like my 8 y/o son who is AuDHD. He's also on ritalin. He's on a long acting dose he takes in the morning along with a short acting dose, plus another short acting dose at lunch. He does great for the most part once the med kicks in, but we can tell the moment the meds wear off in the late afternoon. Then it's like he turns into another person. Says really mean things, has no filter with his mouth, punches, screams. He can barely function. It's a window from 5-6:30 & then miraculously at 6:30 he chills out again. It's been worse since daylight savings time for some reason. We're trying different things like just giving him youtube on the TV in the living room alone while he repeatedly jumps off the couch on the crash pad. Yesterday I took him to a park late & we got back around 6. He did well, but then he was a mess later & it was like his dysregulation time just got pushed back. He also only eats right before bed time or when he first gets up. Every night when it's time to get ready for bed that's when he's all of a sudden starving., Could it be the medication wears off too quickly, so for instance around 16h a tiny bit can help take the edge off?, No advice, but this sounds exactly like my 8 y/o son who is AuDHD. He's also on ritalin. He's on a long acting dose he takes in the morning along with a short acting dose, plus another short acting dose at lunch. He does great for the most part once the med kicks in, but we can tell the moment the meds wear off in the late afternoon. Then it's like he turns into another person. Says really mean things, has no filter with his mouth, punches, screams. He can barely function. It's a window from 5-6:30 & then miraculously at 6:30 he chills out again. It's been worse since daylight savings time for some reason. We're trying different things like just giving him youtube on the TV in the living room alone while he repeatedly jumps off the couch on the crash pad. Yesterday I took him to a park late & we got back around 6. He did well, but then he was a mess later & it was like his dysregulation time just got pushed back. He also only eats right before bed time or when he first gets up. Every night when it's time to get ready for bed that's when he's all of a sudden starving.

Autism & chromosomes

Hi there, I am a mom of a 1 year and 7month old cute boy. He was recently diagnosed with Autism and before this, his neurologist runned some blood work for genetic testing. Frágil X syndrome, Microrray and Karyotype came out normal range. Although, they found that Chromosome 2 has a Homozygocity Stretch in the long arm. They stated as following “ this observation increases the suspicion of possible recessive disorder. I am waiting on response for his Neuro and pediatrician to see how we proceed. I know I should wait for professional advice but have any parent out here gone through same or similar findings with genetic testing ? Specifically the autosomal Recessive disorder. Thanks In advance.

To me, there is not point or value in this type of testing, either way they still have autism. Normally they don’t even find anything on the tests. Even if they find something there’s nothing they can do so it’s kind of pointless., I understand your point of view. I also know it doesn’t change anything in the fact that he will still have autism. Don’t get me wrong I love my child the same way if he had or hadn’t. The meaning of my question is like I’m concerned if this is relate to other type of genetic disorders or conditions. Because I was reading about 3 conditions that scared the heck out off me and the thought of something worst happening to my baby brakes my heart. I was reading to that autism causes a lot of abnormalities in chromosomes. But thanks for your response., This. The point of genetic testing is not to remove our kids autism, that will never happen. The point is to better understand if genetic deletions, duplications or mutations can shed some light into what to expect in terms of our children’s development and possible comorbidities. My son’s testing showed he has a microdeletion in one of his chromosomes. In his case little is known (and we sign up for every study so in the future parents can receive more information than we have), but part of what little is known is that this particular deletion significantly impacts language development. It seems in every case kids end up being verbal but not without years of speech therapy and a significant delay. There are also some additional health concerns, like epilepsy, which thankfully have been ruled out for my son but we need to keep an eye on as it can be developed later in life as well., To me, there is not point or value in this type of testing, either way they still have autism. Normally they don’t even find anything on the tests. Even if they find something there’s nothing they can do so it’s kind of pointless., I understand your point of view. I also know it doesn’t change anything in the fact that he will still have autism. Don’t get me wrong I love my child the same way if he had or hadn’t. The meaning of my question is like I’m concerned if this is relate to other type of genetic disorders or conditions. Because I was reading about 3 conditions that scared the heck out off me and the thought of something worst happening to my baby brakes my heart. I was reading to that autism causes a lot of abnormalities in chromosomes. But thanks for your response., This. The point of genetic testing is not to remove our kids autism, that will never happen. The point is to better understand if genetic deletions, duplications or mutations can shed some light into what to expect in terms of our children’s development and possible comorbidities. My son’s testing showed he has a microdeletion in one of his chromosomes. In his case little is known (and we sign up for every study so in the future parents can receive more information than we have), but part of what little is known is that this particular deletion significantly impacts language development. It seems in every case kids end up being verbal but not without years of speech therapy and a significant delay. There are also some additional health concerns, like epilepsy, which thankfully have been ruled out for my son but we need to keep an eye on as it can be developed later in life as well., To me, there is not point or value in this type of testing, either way they still have autism. Normally they don’t even find anything on the tests. Even if they find something there’s nothing they can do so it’s kind of pointless., I understand your point of view. I also know it doesn’t change anything in the fact that he will still have autism. Don’t get me wrong I love my child the same way if he had or hadn’t. The meaning of my question is like I’m concerned if this is relate to other type of genetic disorders or conditions. Because I was reading about 3 conditions that scared the heck out off me and the thought of something worst happening to my baby brakes my heart. I was reading to that autism causes a lot of abnormalities in chromosomes. But thanks for your response., This. The point of genetic testing is not to remove our kids autism, that will never happen. The point is to better understand if genetic deletions, duplications or mutations can shed some light into what to expect in terms of our children’s development and possible comorbidities. My son’s testing showed he has a microdeletion in one of his chromosomes. In his case little is known (and we sign up for every study so in the future parents can receive more information than we have), but part of what little is known is that this particular deletion significantly impacts language development. It seems in every case kids end up being verbal but not without years of speech therapy and a significant delay. There are also some additional health concerns, like epilepsy, which thankfully have been ruled out for my son but we need to keep an eye on as it can be developed later in life as well., To me, there is not point or value in this type of testing, either way they still have autism. Normally they don’t even find anything on the tests. Even if they find something there’s nothing they can do so it’s kind of pointless., I understand your point of view. I also know it doesn’t change anything in the fact that he will still have autism. Don’t get me wrong I love my child the same way if he had or hadn’t. The meaning of my question is like I’m concerned if this is relate to other type of genetic disorders or conditions. Because I was reading about 3 conditions that scared the heck out off me and the thought of something worst happening to my baby brakes my heart. I was reading to that autism causes a lot of abnormalities in chromosomes. But thanks for your response., This. The point of genetic testing is not to remove our kids autism, that will never happen. The point is to better understand if genetic deletions, duplications or mutations can shed some light into what to expect in terms of our children’s development and possible comorbidities. My son’s testing showed he has a microdeletion in one of his chromosomes. In his case little is known (and we sign up for every study so in the future parents can receive more information than we have), but part of what little is known is that this particular deletion significantly impacts language development. It seems in every case kids end up being verbal but not without years of speech therapy and a significant delay. There are also some additional health concerns, like epilepsy, which thankfully have been ruled out for my son but we need to keep an eye on as it can be developed later in life as well.

Autism Awareness Children's Book

Here is the [Book](https://www.canva.com/design/DAFwRHORE04/4NUMozY9Od1g1hGvC8LREQ/edit?utm_content=DAFwRHORE04&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton). Please think about some of these questions: 1. What are some ways we can be more understanding and supportive of our friends who may have unique challenges, like sensory sensitivity? 2. Imagine the world from Alex's perspective. How would it be different from your own? What would be the same? Answer some questions or comment on the book. I want to start a discussion. Thank you!

Why are you giving us homework? Lol, I liked how Alex shared his perspective so his friend could understand better. One thing I think is really important to reduce the stigma of autism is try to get people to understand what it’s like for individuals living with autism., I agree I think if we get people to understand, especially kids and young people. It can make the most difference.

Autism Awareness fair questions

Sorry I am not sure if this is allowed to be posted here if not please feel free to take down or let me know. I am going to be setting up at a local autism Awareness fair in my area and will be setting up a game or two for people to play for free but wanted some advice on what type of prizes parents would be fine with them winning. I do laser engraving and 3d printing and had some stickers I bought to give as small prizes. I was planning on making small articulating prints as well in the shape of different animals. I know all children will be different with what they may like and that's why I would like the view of the parents of what they wouldn't mind the kiddos having. I do the articulating animals because my nephew loves toys that move about so figured some may also like. Thank you for any advice and again sorry if this is the wrong place for this Tl;DR setting up at a fair want to know what gifts they are fine with kids getting.

Is it specifically a kids' fair or just more broadly an autism awareness fair? If it's the latter, I wouldn't intentionally gear it toward kids. We have way too many autism-focused entities in this world that implicitly assume autism=kid., I believe it is an all around. But wasn't sure if sure if anyone beyond kids would be interested in my games. Thank you for pointing that out what items would you think would work in general then, One idea could be items that are more practical, such as a soap holder, picture frame, lamp shade, or bird feeder mixed in with the little animals. You could also have more complex versions of your game or perhaps also a short CAD contest where the person with the most votes gets to 3D print their item using your setup (maybe make sure people only design things that can be printed in a certain time limit)., That is a great idea for the printing thing sadly no power at the event we are prepping and taking everything in so cant run printers on site. I can do the soap holders though may do a few of them. Thank you, Is it specifically a kids' fair or just more broadly an autism awareness fair? If it's the latter, I wouldn't intentionally gear it toward kids. We have way too many autism-focused entities in this world that implicitly assume autism=kid., I believe it is an all around. But wasn't sure if sure if anyone beyond kids would be interested in my games. Thank you for pointing that out what items would you think would work in general then, One idea could be items that are more practical, such as a soap holder, picture frame, lamp shade, or bird feeder mixed in with the little animals. You could also have more complex versions of your game or perhaps also a short CAD contest where the person with the most votes gets to 3D print their item using your setup (maybe make sure people only design things that can be printed in a certain time limit)., That is a great idea for the printing thing sadly no power at the event we are prepping and taking everything in so cant run printers on site. I can do the soap holders though may do a few of them. Thank you, Is it specifically a kids' fair or just more broadly an autism awareness fair? If it's the latter, I wouldn't intentionally gear it toward kids. We have way too many autism-focused entities in this world that implicitly assume autism=kid., I believe it is an all around. But wasn't sure if sure if anyone beyond kids would be interested in my games. Thank you for pointing that out what items would you think would work in general then, One idea could be items that are more practical, such as a soap holder, picture frame, lamp shade, or bird feeder mixed in with the little animals. You could also have more complex versions of your game or perhaps also a short CAD contest where the person with the most votes gets to 3D print their item using your setup (maybe make sure people only design things that can be printed in a certain time limit)., That is a great idea for the printing thing sadly no power at the event we are prepping and taking everything in so cant run printers on site. I can do the soap holders though may do a few of them. Thank you, Is it specifically a kids' fair or just more broadly an autism awareness fair? If it's the latter, I wouldn't intentionally gear it toward kids. We have way too many autism-focused entities in this world that implicitly assume autism=kid., I believe it is an all around. But wasn't sure if sure if anyone beyond kids would be interested in my games. Thank you for pointing that out what items would you think would work in general then, One idea could be items that are more practical, such as a soap holder, picture frame, lamp shade, or bird feeder mixed in with the little animals. You could also have more complex versions of your game or perhaps also a short CAD contest where the person with the most votes gets to 3D print their item using your setup (maybe make sure people only design things that can be printed in a certain time limit)., That is a great idea for the printing thing sadly no power at the event we are prepping and taking everything in so cant run printers on site. I can do the soap holders though may do a few of them. Thank you

Autism Evaluation

Has anyone ever had their 2 year olds autism evaluation done at home instead of in an office or clinic?

My 4 year olds had theirs at home, and it was really good. They were more at ease and the practitioners brought a suitcase full of toys and games to use during the play evaluation., Ours was done at 18m in clinic, Nope was at Clinic by Behavioral Pediatrician, Neurologist & Psychologist., My 4 year olds had theirs at home, and it was really good. They were more at ease and the practitioners brought a suitcase full of toys and games to use during the play evaluation., Ours was done at 18m in clinic, Nope was at Clinic by Behavioral Pediatrician, Neurologist & Psychologist., My 4 year olds had theirs at home, and it was really good. They were more at ease and the practitioners brought a suitcase full of toys and games to use during the play evaluation., Ours was done at 18m in clinic, Nope was at Clinic by Behavioral Pediatrician, Neurologist & Psychologist., My 4 year olds had theirs at home, and it was really good. They were more at ease and the practitioners brought a suitcase full of toys and games to use during the play evaluation., Ours was done at 18m in clinic, Nope was at Clinic by Behavioral Pediatrician, Neurologist & Psychologist.

Autism and IQ

Have y’all tested your kids IQ? Just wondering the best way to do that

It is a requirement for kids to get tested for enrollment at my kids school (it's a school for kids with disabilities). They couldn't even test my kid because she had zero interest in cooperating., It was tested as part of the school evaluation. Note that it is common for the scores to be very uneven., It was part of his evaluation and eventually his diagnosis. He has a 140 IQ ,but makes C's and D's in middle school. It doesn't mean much when they aren't interested in what they are learning lol. He's brilliant just not motivated., No, but his school did a cognitive test on him. I’m just gonna say it was high., It is a requirement for kids to get tested for enrollment at my kids school (it's a school for kids with disabilities). They couldn't even test my kid because she had zero interest in cooperating., It was tested as part of the school evaluation. Note that it is common for the scores to be very uneven., It was part of his evaluation and eventually his diagnosis. He has a 140 IQ ,but makes C's and D's in middle school. It doesn't mean much when they aren't interested in what they are learning lol. He's brilliant just not motivated., No, but his school did a cognitive test on him. I’m just gonna say it was high., It is a requirement for kids to get tested for enrollment at my kids school (it's a school for kids with disabilities). They couldn't even test my kid because she had zero interest in cooperating., It was tested as part of the school evaluation. Note that it is common for the scores to be very uneven., It was part of his evaluation and eventually his diagnosis. He has a 140 IQ ,but makes C's and D's in middle school. It doesn't mean much when they aren't interested in what they are learning lol. He's brilliant just not motivated., No, but his school did a cognitive test on him. I’m just gonna say it was high., It is a requirement for kids to get tested for enrollment at my kids school (it's a school for kids with disabilities). They couldn't even test my kid because she had zero interest in cooperating., It was tested as part of the school evaluation. Note that it is common for the scores to be very uneven., It was part of his evaluation and eventually his diagnosis. He has a 140 IQ ,but makes C's and D's in middle school. It doesn't mean much when they aren't interested in what they are learning lol. He's brilliant just not motivated., No, but his school did a cognitive test on him. I’m just gonna say it was high.

Autism and the Tylenol Lawsuit

I wanted to ask others’ opinion on the lawsuit against Tylenol. I took Tylenol when I was pregnant, but I can’t remember how much or even if it was that often. I feel wrong joining the suit when I don’t know what caused my son’s autism, and I’m not sure if Tylenol even contributed to it. What are your thoughts?

We are leaving this up because it’s important for people who see this targeted ads to understand there has been no conclusive link found between paracetamol/acetaminophen/Tylenol and an autism diagnosis. We will lock the thread if we have to but OP is not violating a rule by asking if this is bullshit., It’s bullshit with no real scientific backing. It might make money with a settlement but it’s not based in science (some studies* show a correlation between a large use of acetaminophen during pregnancy and autism but not moderate use.) They aren’t even suing the manufacturers- they’re suing the retailers for not adding a warning for pregnant people that the FDA didn’t require. It’s a money grab. *a correlation could mean the increased chance of autism is if the pregnant mother had inflammation or a fever and thus- coincidentally- took Tylenol., Tylenol does not cause autism. This is misinformation in a similar way that the idea of vaccines causing autism is., I took no Tylenol or any medications during my pregnancy and my son is still autistic. Like others have said, it’s mostly due to genetics with perhaps environmental factors. I doubt you’ll get much money for it especially if the attorneys get big chunk of it and the rest will be divided up amongst who knows how many people who will also be part of this lawsuit 😞, I took Tylenol and both of my children have Autism. My wife didn't, but I still have my suspicions. ^Do ^I ^really ^need ^the ^/s ^here?, I took Tylenol with both my girls. Only one of them is autistic, the one that was born premature and had a stroke at birth because of my placental abruption. Many women use Tylenol in pregnancy, and as an Ob nurse we still prescribe it. I don’t think Tylenol causing autism has any real leg to stand on., Tylenol does not cause autism. It is misinformation and has no real scientific backing., There have been other studies done showing that various medications are correlated with increased issues with babies. But the thing is, you’re taking medication for a reason. Maybe you’re getting sick a lot, maybe you had a nasty case of the flu, maybe you’re having serious mental health issues. Who’s to say if the medication is at fault or the illness itself? You can’t do a study where you randomly assign a bunch of pregnant women to take drugs and see what happens. I read one study about depression reducing fertility in women, so they believed antidepressants might be at fault, but then discovered that women who were diagnosed with depression and unmedicated had lower fertility than medicated depressed women. (But all had lower fertility than healthy women), it’s very unlikely that tylenol causes autism. any medication while pregnant can run the risk of causing adverse side effects for you or your baby but autism is usually influenced by genetics or environmental factors such as older fathers and stuff editing to add that it’s most likely the fevers themselves that are causing autism in these cases and not the tylenol. frequent fevers in the first trimester have been linked to increased chances of the baby(s) having autism, There is some science saying that Tylenol taken in the first trimester may act as one of the environmental factors that combine with genetics to result in autism. I’m not a scientist, but it sounds like the data used in the studies is not that reliable. Me personally, I wouldn’t join the lawsuit. I don’t know how we can expect drug manufacturers to warn people of things they don’t know about yet., I have four children. I took Tylenol maybe a couple times at the most, throughout my first three pregnancies. I did not take any medications at all with my fourth child. He is my only child with autism., Tylenol causing autism has same reliability as the fact that ice cream causes crime., My thoughts are it’s just fear mongering. I would not join the suit and I would move on with my life., It makes me INCREDIBLY angry. Tylenol is the ONLY pain Med most of us can take while pregnant. All it’s doing is driving fear and it’s insanely inaccurate., No scientific backing. It’s just as much related as vaccines are. Nothing caused autism. You having your genetics mixing with your partners. That’s it. There’s no big environmental reason. I freaking wish. Tylenol is all you can take when your pregnant. It’s like saying water caused it or having an ultrasound or bloodwork. It’s stupid., Total bullshit and I don’t need to be compensated for my child, I took Tylenol through my whole pregnancy. I have twins and only one has autism lol. I think that’s what debunked it for me., I didn't take it in my pregnancy with my son and he's autistic, my husband is autistic and his mother is very anti everything lol, From the UK. During my pregnancy 12 years ago I took Paracetamol regularly for back/hip pain, had a course of antibiotics for an infected sebaceous cyst on my neck which was huge and at 26 weeks was diagnosed with preeclampsia for which I was on 12 Labetalol a day to lower my blood pressure (didn’t work very well). My son was small for his gestation and stopped growing by 35 weeks, probably due to my blood pressure. He was 5lb 9oz at his birth at 37 weeks via emergency c-section. I knew from 9 months old he was possibly delayed and having sensory issues and it took until 7 years old to get his autism diagnosis. Did any of the above cause his autism? Maybe but it could also have been genetic as he is exactly like my older brother who is 52 and undiagnosed (most likely autistic though) plus I am currently waiting for ADHD assessment so there are those things to think about. I think people need to stop worrying about why their child is autistic and just live their lives happily, it doesn’t change anything or make you happier with it all. Plus putting yourself through suing over a commonly used drug just won’t end how they want it to. THERE IS NO PROOF AND NEVER WILL BE., Yeah I had heard the same. I took Tylenol with both my pregnancies. My son has it but my daughter does not. But tbh I can’t even remember the name of the dr who delivered my son or the name of the practice. It was 16 years ago in a town I don’t live in anymore. I mean how would I prove this without any hospital records?, Although it doesn’t cause Autism, it really bad for your liver. Take it with caution, never take more than recommended, and don’t take it if you drink more than you should., I have a chronic pain condition and was told I could only take Tylenol during my pregnancy. I stopped all other medicine before I got pregnant and had to deal with a lot of pain since Tylenol didn't help as much as other medicine did. I took it often and felt bad about it. Now I keep seeing all these ads about Tylenol and autism and I feel like absolute crap. I really felt like I was being so good by only taking Tylenol and enduring a lot of pain through my pregnancy. I don't know if there is a real correlation or not, but if I could go back I wouldn't have taken the Tylenol because now I have that in the back of my mind., I’m skeptical of that claim. Tylenol, when you include the generic versions, is literally one of the most commonly consumed drugs in the world. If it contributes to autism then everyone would have this condition., I have been wondering this myself. I took a SHIT ton of Tylenol (obviously as prescribed doses) but pretty much throughout my whole pregnancy. My daughter was a premie at 35 weeks and now is 2.5 and a dx for ASD. I’ve always wondered about it so if it’s actually a thing I’ll gladly take the money. I honestly don’t think it does but I’m very curious myself., I took no Tylenol because I kept seeing those ads pop up while I was pregnant, my daughter has ASD, So I clicked on it just to see what they were trying to do and I started to fill out the questionnaire. There are 100 reasons to disqualify you. My son had the cord around his neck. (No trauma was caused, not my only kid to have that but the only ASD.) so…., Yeah I sort of figured this lawsuit was a hoax and never looked into it because I haven't seen any news or anything to back up that's it's legit and I was afraid to sign up for it thinking that they are trying to get my contact info to send me spam or might ask for money or something EDIT: after briefly skimming what pops up on Google after searching Tylenol lawsuit it appears there is a legitimate tort claim going and there is an estimated payout, I just need to get this out somewhere. I googled where I rant about the Tylenol lawsuit. This came up. Ok so I am a party to the lawsuit. I hear about it. I know different things about where we're at with what causes autism. My understanding of it then is the same as it is now. People with a genetic predisposition can be affected by environmental factors resulting in autism. So we don't know all the genetics we don't know about all the factors. And I joined the suit because I asked my doctor if Tylenol was safe while pregnant. He was an old obgyn he was past retiring but still practicing. And he shook his head and said nothing is best. Nothing is totally safe. Of course I understand that a fever is more dangerous than potentially causing ADHD to a pregnancy. But I want all the potential factors put up on billboards right in our faces. I want people to know that stress increases your chances of having a child with autism. I took Tylenol while I was pregnant because I always take Tylenol, I will suffer with migraines if I don't and I like to keep them down, the migraines. I take acetaminophen products still and live in a terrible way with myself what have I done why can't I stop. I took Tylenol because all the other moms said I could. But the Dr. shook his head. Now the judge in the case is going to dismiss it all and the evidence can never be used again and she's saying the lawyers were cherry picking data. So I'm mad now because like I said I want anything that can be a factor to cause autism to be well known. I just feel like you have to explain it the right way. You can't just say Tylenol causes autism. You have to say that for the people with the genetic predisposition for autism Tylenol may increase the chances of your child developing autism. It's an environmental factor. But it doesn't just cause autism. To the best of my knowledge that is my belief. Thanks for listening, Similac or any artificial baby milk causing autism is more convincing., [removed], I never took it during my pregnancy, I’m always extra skeptical of reports like this because while the same criteria for diagnosis and title didn’t exist it doesn’t seem like autism only began to exist when Tylenol and vaccines were being used by the general public. It is also worth mentioning that the eggs each woman has as an adult are present when she herself is in her mother’s uterus so it would be hard to say if anything any mother does is the main factor. I did take Tylenol with all 3 pregnancies. The most with my 1st and 3rd pregnancies as those pregnancies caused me to be in a lot of pain. Very little in my 2nd. My 2nd child is the one with ASD. I ate healthiest with him, too., Just another Wakefield situation ..., * Tylenol isn't FDA approved or ever reviewed by FDA for safety. The Obama administration said they would look at grandfathered drugs like Tylenol, but didn't actually do anything about it. * There's older studies about even short term Tylenol use leading to a significant increase of auto-immune disorders years later. * Tylenol is known to decrease glutathione in cells. Glutathione is needed in human cells for detoxification pathways to work, leading to being less resistent to environmental pollution and such. * About genetics, there's a lot of varibles to understand. It's known that there's environmental factors that can affect various gene changes. For example a common misconception is about down syndome. "Does Down syndrome run in families? All three types of Down syndrome are genetic conditions (relating to the genes), but only 1% of all cases of Down syndrome have a hereditary component (passed from parent to child through the genes). Heredity is not a factor in trisomy 21 (nondisjunction) and mosaicism." I also have a friend that's blind, and 2 out of 3 of his kids have same eye condition, but they can see better and drive due to medical advances in surgeries. In his family tree, his mom had the same eye condition, but no one before her does. That is to say, that his heredity eye condition occured spontaneously (likely due to environmental factors), and is now a heredity condition of 2 of his kids, in which their kids could have it. Everything eventually comes back to environment factors if you look hard enough, or far back enough. * I live in the city. Not far from a major interstate highway, which years ago had a major gasoline spill into the water, of several thousand gallons of gas spilled. I now have 3 kids with severe autism. There's also 3 different families (each immigrant families, but all from different countries) each within about a block or 2 from me that now have a down syndrome child. So I'm a strong a believer of environmental factors. * For my wife, she grew up in a state with a very high incidence of autism kids. Her state has a lot of natural gas operations, and in the town she grew up in had a major chemical spill into the drinking water by the local military base (which they literally tried covering up with dirt and ignoring the spill), so the incidence of cancer in her town is extremely high. About every family in town has had at least one member of their family with cancer., There are so many other potential factors at play here, you'd need a really really strong effect to show in the data and then some theory to back it.. Cause otherwise you can't say for sure it isn't x,y,z or any other unlimited possibilities.., Autism and adhd are genetic, it’s passed by genes. It’s growing because people with adhd and autism have more babies and the chances are 50% to pass the gene. I hate false information being spread with 0 scientific backing., I just heard about this. I hate that it even came out because I already felt guilty that it’s my fault and now I feel even more like I caused it, [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6455058/#:\~:text=Acetaminophen%20%E2%80%93%20a%20potent%20physical%20painkiller,to%20emotional%20awareness%20and%20motivation](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/pmc6455058/#:~:text=acetaminophen%20%e2%80%93%20a%20potent%20physical%20painkiller,to%20emotional%20awareness%20and%20motivation) Acetaminophen – a potent physical painkiller that also reduces empathy for other people’s suffering – blunts physical and social pain by reducing activation in brain areas (i.e. anterior insula and anterior cingulate) thought to be related to emotional awareness and motivation. Some neuroimaging research on positive empathy (i.e., the perception and sharing of positive affect in other people) suggests that the experience of positive empathy also recruits these paralimbic cortical brain areas. We thus hypothesized that acetaminophen may also impair affective processes related to the experience of positive empathy. We tested this hypothesis in a double-blind, placebo-controlled experiment. Specifically, we administered 1,000 mg acetaminophen or a placebo and measured effects on different measures of positive empathy while participants read scenarios about the uplifting experiences of other people. Results showed that acetaminophen reduced personal pleasure and other-directed empathic feelings in response to these scenarios. In contrast, effects on perceived positivity of the described experiences or perceived pleasure in scenario protagonists were not significant. These findings suggest that (1) acetaminophen reduces affective reactivity to other people’s positive experiences and (2) the experience of physical pain and positive empathy may have a more similar neurochemical basis than previously assumed. Because the experience of positive empathy is related to prosocial behavior, our findings also raise questions about the societal impact of excessive acetaminophen consumption., I have three children. With my firstborn I never took Tylenol, however with my last two I was told it was safe to take because I was having severe migraines both of those pregnancies. Both of those kids have autism and one also has ADHD… my firstborn is neurotypical though. Just saying.., It seems that fault should lie with whatever entities pushed the idea that Tylenol was the *only* safe thing to take for inflammation during pregnancy. Now they're saying that's not even safe. I specifically remember our family doctor telling my son's mother that she could only safely take Tylenol for a bad cold she was having during pregnancy. And now we're left wondering if that was causal to our kid's autism., I hate this so much because this crap made my gf feel guilty about taking tylenol..., [removed], This made me giggle, Hi! Quick question if I may - did they know the baby had had a stroke straight away? Or is this something you realised later after developmental delays etc? I had a severe placenta abruption at 35 weeks. My son was always a bit delayed with his milestones and then had a major speech and developmental regression around 18 months. A lot of the milestones have come back except for speech and he has major sensory issues. He hasn’t been formally diagnosed by a neurologist yet because we can’t really afford it and waiting lists are super long but we have him in speech and OT. No one has raised the possibility of a stroke with us though, and now I’m curious if he may have had one and we didn’t know?, I remember a couple years ago I saw a post saying tylenol causes health issues in children but it completely ignored the fact that children that are regularly taking Tylenol are taking it because they are already sick or already have health issues., I can absolutely agree with you. I’ve been struggling with depression for over 20 years before I had it properly addressed and started taking meds. The dr warned me that my body will also calm down and I’ll be able to conceive. I didn’t believe her. Sure enough, 2 mo after started taking meds I was pregnant with my daughter., Exactly this. There are also so many other confounding variables that could impact the development of autism. Pretty much every environmental correlation for autism (pesticides, maternal diabetes, etc) is bunk because of this. You absolutely cannot draw any definite conclusions., Thanks. Those are some wise words., Well obviously Tylenol prevents it then. /s 😁, [deleted], [removed], The lawsuit ads are meant to simultaneously make you feel bad and direct all that anger/fear/guilt into helping them get money from a big corporation. It doesn’t matter “what the science says,” it matters how many people they can get to claim they were harmed so the big businesses settle rather than have it go to court. The more plaintiffs they have, and the longer it takes to settle, the more money the legal team makes. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t do anything intentionally or accidentally during pregnancy to cause your child’s autism., I personally believe that there is an insanely high percentage of our world population that is on the spectrum but is not diagnosed. Not the whole "everybody is a little autistic" thing- that's bull shit - but just think about everything you've learned about autism, all of its variability in countless areas then reflect on everyone you've met. If not autism then still some form of neurodivergent.. I honestly can't remember the last time I met someone that never even had a serious/thoughtful self diagnosis of some sort.... (Just a theory of course.. one of many apparently 😅😆), Right. It's just some crazy distraction method to make some people feel better about not knowing the exact cause when really the causes have been building for God knows how long. They've been tracking the genetic mutations that autism frequents from all kinds of things along the way. Our environment is tanted, so is our food, microplastics in the air we breath down to being in breast milk. So many toxins we've created over the years, it's no wonder our systems are doing so many different things! ... But yes, lots of disqualifying components... Sorry went on a little rant there. I mean if it makes some parents feel better or feel like they've got some kind of closure then might as well let the government pay you. They're not helping as well as they could in other areas at all but if you qualify might as well apply I guess 🤨🤔🤷🏻‍♀️, My kid was breastfed and he has autism. Maybe it’s the breast milk? /s, Are you certain nobody is? We weren't diagnosed like kids are now. The diagnostic criteria also changed dramatically. Tons of parents here were undiagnosed until after having autistic children and self-reflecting. Likewise nobody in their families were diagnosed, but upon reflection they now recognize traits. The outlier could just be the severity of his autism., Has he had genetic testing? It could be a de novo (random) mutation, meaning their would be no family history, particularly in severe autism de novo mutations are a common cause. Correlation is not causation. There are way to many variables for you to be certain that it was the Tylenol., frequent fevers have been linked to increased chances of autism. and by increased i mean up to 300% increased chances of autism in babies, mostly during either the first or second trimester i cant really remember. but it’s the fevers themselves that are considered risk factors, This post/comment was removed for violating the sub's "No Pseudo-Science/MLM" policy., Edit to add: In terms of the amount of paracetamol I took - I took a lot. It was all under prescription as well - so there is a paper trail somewhere because my government co-pays the medication. Also, I got specialist advice that this drug was safe to take in 2019. I did everything right., I just read a study that correlated autoimmune disease in mothers with male autistic infants, I don’t think we will ever really know though., How often did u take Tylenol per day?, This post/comment was removed for violating the sub's "No Pseudo-Science/MLM" policy., 🤭, I had suspicion from birth. She had left sided weakness from birth and saw PT in the NICU. She continued with it and I was pushed off for a long time. We had an MRI FINALLY at 15 months and there is a small area that shows some old stroke. With the timeline of my birth they are certain the stroke happened right before birth or shortly after. I started symptoms at 10am and they called my c section at 7:30 pm., Yes! To establish statistical causality, the cause must precede the effect., 😂I like your humor. Sarcastic people are my faves! Personally, I think it’s hereditary. From my own learning, due to my son, I’ve started to wonder about other family members. I DO have a nephew that’s 12, and his vocabulary is still almost non existent. I wonder about his dad, maybe being high functioning, and I also wonder if my other brother was. But who knows, I’m not a Dr! Lol, I would only scream for ice cream., You had me away at the 5th word aluminum. For a person this educated, I hope you do not consume table salt. One of its key ingredients is sodium. Sodium is a highly reactive metal. Another key ingredient is chlorine, which is also an extremely reactive element. Both of these are very dangerous for consumption. That's why I recommend people do not consume table salt. It's like a combination of 2 poisons., I don't fall for this kind of misinformation, and I have come across many. I was just saying that formula milk theory is far easier to sell than Tylenol theory., My husband and his twin have done some hard introspection since both of them have a son on the spectrum now. No diagnosis, but their “little idiosyncrasies” make a lot more sense through the lense of ASD., Haha, thanks. I personally believe it's mostly hereditary. My daughter's mother is a high functioning, and I have long suspected that I'm the same, but am currently undiagnosed. My daughter is 9 and functionally non-verbal but improving. Hmm, I just had an epiphany. If it is hereditary, I wonder if the rise of online dating contributed to the rise in numbers? Hear me out.. So, if I'm being completely honest, if there was no such thing as online dating, I would probably still be single, or at the very least childless. I wonder if it has enabled people who are on the spectrum who struggle with social interaction to have an easier time finding partners, thereby naturally creating a higher percentage of offspring with autism compared to life before online dating where it was much much more difficult? 🤔 Edit: I found a study that hypothesizes exactly what I am talking about, but I haven't a clue how to go about getting the actual full study: [Online dating, reproductive success and the rise autism spectrum disorder prevalence](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S030698772030195X), Violating the noise ordinance!?! Lol, I've seen some great satire flyers made by different people within the autism community - "did you drink water, or breath air during pregnancy? Have a child with ASD? You could be entitled to a settlement" 🤭, Yea the whole "diagnoses are skyrocketing! There must be something in the water!" It's on par with COVID not existing as long as we stop testing for it, Check out the work of Steve Silberman. [https://www.ted.com/speakers/steve\_silberman](https://www.ted.com/speakers/steve_silberman) I think being online in general has made it much easier for the oddballs to find each other. (I include myself in this comment.), You are welcome! Actually, what you said about online, it makes sense. As it’s easier to be more sociable, when in a comforting area, regardless to how/why someone has social issues., Interesting take!, It's interesting that you're suspecting online presence, but I wonder if the exposure to the wifi itself is contributing to the epidemic 🤔. I don't remember seeing these many cases prior to the advent of the internet., Thank you I will check that out definitely!

Autism assessment?

For ones that have gone through this can you please give me some insight. My son is speech delayed & he’s 2 years old. We went for our first evaluation today to get speech services started and SLP recommended for him to see a “developmental pediatrician” when I automatically responded by asking “like a psychiatrist?” And was autism a concern, she said possibly because he likes wheels & cars, and likes to play alone but this could also not be accurate and it’s just to cover all basis, being that she can’t diagnose. Do SLP’s recommend this to all parents? Is this normal? My sons situation is a bit different because since he has been born his social interaction is very limited. The only people he sees mainly is myself and his dad. I believe this is the reason for his social skills which is why he is now in preschool. I pray he picks up on a lot of things from the other kids & this is all just a phase. I guess what I’m asking is, has this assessment been offered to you & your child end up not having it?

All of us on here have kids with ASD. In my case, both the SLP and OT said he did not have ASD for about 1.5 years. I took him separately for eval. He most definitely does. Take him for the eval. It will open up even more therapies if he does meet the criteria. It will not define where his life will take him., I always recommend to everyone that a neurologist is the best person to go to for an evaluation/assessment. I went through so many pediatricians, developmental pediatricians, therapists, etc, and they were all like ,"eh..maybe." lol. Took him to a neurologist and was diagnosed immediately. It's the confidence difference to me in the evaluation and diagnosis with a neurologist. It's like they see it immediately. If you have any suspicions an assessment is so incredibly recommended you want answers as early as possible it makes the school transition so much easier., I had an SLP and a pediatrician suggest we get an assessment done for our son. They were right and he has ASD. It opened up a lot of support for him. I think it's worth doing if it's been recommended., Someone posted on another thread recently, something like "if your child isn't autistic, then therapy won't make them autistic. But if they are autistic, then not getting the therapy they need could set them back years". It's normal to question when someone tells you there could be something like this going on. But there's absolutely no harm in getting checked by a developmental ped or neurologist to rule anything out. If it's nothing - then great! At least you know. If it's something - then great! You're already on the right path to getting him the services he needs. Don't let your fear of "what if" cloud your judgment., My SLP never made any recommendations to see anyone else. Started kid in speech in June at 22 months Started kid in preschool at 24 months. Preschool recommended OT. Asked SLP if she thought we needed OT and agreed. Got started with OT right after that. After a couple months OT recommended we get her evaluated by a developmental ped. We pushed back for a few months since she was already in speech and OT and thought that was all she needed, but went ahead and asked for a referral when her tantrums started involving banging her head. That SLP “moved to a different area of practice” when kid was around 2 years 4 months. Finally got through the hurdles to get scheduled with the developmental ped and step 1 of that was a speech eval specifically for autism….which ended up being with the original SLP. She used the ADOS 2 and evaluated as suspected autism. Never once did that SLP say we should see OT or a dev ped even though she had seen her for the longest time. I’m glad other people did make recommendations to us for other things that may be beneficial. We don’t see the dev ped until later this month. And in the grand scheme of things starting additional therapies about a year later than we could have hopefully shouldn’t matter in the long run…but if we had kept her home instead of sending her to preschool we would have never even thought of OT or a dev ped. These professionals see kids all day long and they usually know who has what diagnosis. I would not expect them to attempt to label or diagnose if that is not in their scope of practice, and no one has attempted to diagnose her with anything beyond expressive and receptive speech delay. I do appreciate when someone tells me that another professional may be beneficial., There’s no harm in taking him to see a paediatrician at all. It can be recommended by speech, OT, health visitors, general practitioners and essentially the developmental peadiatrician will always be the one you get referred to. A diagnosis could never be given by speech so that’s likely why you have been directed there. Totally normal though and part of the process! Lots of kids had barely any interaction with other people during the Covid years, but it’s always better to check and see than wait and see. 🙂, This exact situation happened to us. I brought my son in for a speech evaluation right after he turned 2 because he didn’t have any words. I never in a million years thought they would suggest he could possibly be autistic. He’s my first so I really didn’t have anything to compare his development to. They approved him for speech and special instruction, and he was also starting daycare at the same time so we held off on the assessment because I wanted to see how he did with all that first. I definitely didn’t want to overwhelm him with too many new things at one time, but I know I was also a bit in denial at the time. He’s 2.5 now and still very delayed with language, but he started speech about 2 months ago and we are already seeing some improvement. However we have noticed an increase in some repetitive and sensory seeking behaviors.. nothing really difficult but since I’ve done a ton of research now I do believe they were right and he is likely on the spectrum. We’re waiting to have him assessed hopefully within the next few months. I know it’s shocking at first and super hard to accept even the idea of it, but now that it had some time to sink in, I realize I have to stop prioritizing my own emotions and focus on what’s best for my son and his needs. The more services they get now at 2 years old, the better chance they have of catching up to their peers and struggling less! Whether he is autistic or not everything will be ok ♥️, Why did you feel you wanted to take him for the eval? What were your concerns?, How old was your child? I guess what I’m also hesitant about is the fact that he hasn’t started speech or even been in preschool long enough? Would it be best to start those services first and give it some time in school to see if the issue is he just needs to be around more kids?, Yes! We are also all encouraging you because the wait lists can be YEARS long. You can always remove his name later if he is no longer suspected., Rigidity (lack of ability to transition between activities without a fit), social and two way communication concerns, wouldn’t sit in circle time or attend to activities very well at all, etc, Lack of being around other kids won’t cause ASD symptoms. Does your kid go to the park? Do they play with you? Does your child point? Make choices? What interactions does your child have with other people or even animals? Putting words together to make his thoughts known?, He was almost 3 and still not talking. All we got was speech and OT. Like I said before every doctor we tried tiptoed around a diagnosis mainly because he didn't have stereotypical autistic symptoms. I was pretty sure he was autistic because he was similar to my daughter who is also autistic. He's just requires more support and is nonverbal (9 now btw). In my opinion is it's best to get an evaluation first. If you're going to a public preschool I'd request an educational evaluation for possible autism, that gives you a leg up on getting the right specialist. The reason I say do the evaluation first is if your child is autistic being around children's without proper tools and coping mechanisms can be counterproductive to their progress. That is why if there is ANY suspicion, and I believe there is here since you are on this subreddit, then I personally would go evaluation first. Just my opinion., Also intense separation anxiety from me. Like wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom., Has therapy helped him with these things? Is he able to do these things now?, Yes, he transitions very well but sometimes requires a bribe lol. He is still hesitant with new situations. Speech is still behind but he’s conversational (6 years old). I want you to think about “what if”. If you take him for eval and he’s not autistic, you just wasted some money. If you don’t take him and he is autistic, you are wasting years of therapy and help for him., All of us on here have kids with ASD. In my case, both the SLP and OT said he did not have ASD for about 1.5 years. I took him separately for eval. He most definitely does. Take him for the eval. It will open up even more therapies if he does meet the criteria. It will not define where his life will take him., I always recommend to everyone that a neurologist is the best person to go to for an evaluation/assessment. I went through so many pediatricians, developmental pediatricians, therapists, etc, and they were all like ,"eh..maybe." lol. Took him to a neurologist and was diagnosed immediately. It's the confidence difference to me in the evaluation and diagnosis with a neurologist. It's like they see it immediately. If you have any suspicions an assessment is so incredibly recommended you want answers as early as possible it makes the school transition so much easier., I had an SLP and a pediatrician suggest we get an assessment done for our son. They were right and he has ASD. It opened up a lot of support for him. I think it's worth doing if it's been recommended., Someone posted on another thread recently, something like "if your child isn't autistic, then therapy won't make them autistic. But if they are autistic, then not getting the therapy they need could set them back years". It's normal to question when someone tells you there could be something like this going on. But there's absolutely no harm in getting checked by a developmental ped or neurologist to rule anything out. If it's nothing - then great! At least you know. If it's something - then great! You're already on the right path to getting him the services he needs. Don't let your fear of "what if" cloud your judgment., My SLP never made any recommendations to see anyone else. Started kid in speech in June at 22 months Started kid in preschool at 24 months. Preschool recommended OT. Asked SLP if she thought we needed OT and agreed. Got started with OT right after that. After a couple months OT recommended we get her evaluated by a developmental ped. We pushed back for a few months since she was already in speech and OT and thought that was all she needed, but went ahead and asked for a referral when her tantrums started involving banging her head. That SLP “moved to a different area of practice” when kid was around 2 years 4 months. Finally got through the hurdles to get scheduled with the developmental ped and step 1 of that was a speech eval specifically for autism….which ended up being with the original SLP. She used the ADOS 2 and evaluated as suspected autism. Never once did that SLP say we should see OT or a dev ped even though she had seen her for the longest time. I’m glad other people did make recommendations to us for other things that may be beneficial. We don’t see the dev ped until later this month. And in the grand scheme of things starting additional therapies about a year later than we could have hopefully shouldn’t matter in the long run…but if we had kept her home instead of sending her to preschool we would have never even thought of OT or a dev ped. These professionals see kids all day long and they usually know who has what diagnosis. I would not expect them to attempt to label or diagnose if that is not in their scope of practice, and no one has attempted to diagnose her with anything beyond expressive and receptive speech delay. I do appreciate when someone tells me that another professional may be beneficial., There’s no harm in taking him to see a paediatrician at all. It can be recommended by speech, OT, health visitors, general practitioners and essentially the developmental peadiatrician will always be the one you get referred to. A diagnosis could never be given by speech so that’s likely why you have been directed there. Totally normal though and part of the process! Lots of kids had barely any interaction with other people during the Covid years, but it’s always better to check and see than wait and see. 🙂, This exact situation happened to us. I brought my son in for a speech evaluation right after he turned 2 because he didn’t have any words. I never in a million years thought they would suggest he could possibly be autistic. He’s my first so I really didn’t have anything to compare his development to. They approved him for speech and special instruction, and he was also starting daycare at the same time so we held off on the assessment because I wanted to see how he did with all that first. I definitely didn’t want to overwhelm him with too many new things at one time, but I know I was also a bit in denial at the time. He’s 2.5 now and still very delayed with language, but he started speech about 2 months ago and we are already seeing some improvement. However we have noticed an increase in some repetitive and sensory seeking behaviors.. nothing really difficult but since I’ve done a ton of research now I do believe they were right and he is likely on the spectrum. We’re waiting to have him assessed hopefully within the next few months. I know it’s shocking at first and super hard to accept even the idea of it, but now that it had some time to sink in, I realize I have to stop prioritizing my own emotions and focus on what’s best for my son and his needs. The more services they get now at 2 years old, the better chance they have of catching up to their peers and struggling less! Whether he is autistic or not everything will be ok ♥️, Why did you feel you wanted to take him for the eval? What were your concerns?, How old was your child? I guess what I’m also hesitant about is the fact that he hasn’t started speech or even been in preschool long enough? Would it be best to start those services first and give it some time in school to see if the issue is he just needs to be around more kids?, Yes! We are also all encouraging you because the wait lists can be YEARS long. You can always remove his name later if he is no longer suspected., Rigidity (lack of ability to transition between activities without a fit), social and two way communication concerns, wouldn’t sit in circle time or attend to activities very well at all, etc, Lack of being around other kids won’t cause ASD symptoms. Does your kid go to the park? Do they play with you? Does your child point? Make choices? What interactions does your child have with other people or even animals? Putting words together to make his thoughts known?, He was almost 3 and still not talking. All we got was speech and OT. Like I said before every doctor we tried tiptoed around a diagnosis mainly because he didn't have stereotypical autistic symptoms. I was pretty sure he was autistic because he was similar to my daughter who is also autistic. He's just requires more support and is nonverbal (9 now btw). In my opinion is it's best to get an evaluation first. If you're going to a public preschool I'd request an educational evaluation for possible autism, that gives you a leg up on getting the right specialist. The reason I say do the evaluation first is if your child is autistic being around children's without proper tools and coping mechanisms can be counterproductive to their progress. That is why if there is ANY suspicion, and I believe there is here since you are on this subreddit, then I personally would go evaluation first. Just my opinion., Also intense separation anxiety from me. Like wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom., Has therapy helped him with these things? Is he able to do these things now?, Yes, he transitions very well but sometimes requires a bribe lol. He is still hesitant with new situations. Speech is still behind but he’s conversational (6 years old). I want you to think about “what if”. If you take him for eval and he’s not autistic, you just wasted some money. If you don’t take him and he is autistic, you are wasting years of therapy and help for him., All of us on here have kids with ASD. In my case, both the SLP and OT said he did not have ASD for about 1.5 years. I took him separately for eval. He most definitely does. Take him for the eval. It will open up even more therapies if he does meet the criteria. It will not define where his life will take him., I always recommend to everyone that a neurologist is the best person to go to for an evaluation/assessment. I went through so many pediatricians, developmental pediatricians, therapists, etc, and they were all like ,"eh..maybe." lol. Took him to a neurologist and was diagnosed immediately. It's the confidence difference to me in the evaluation and diagnosis with a neurologist. It's like they see it immediately. If you have any suspicions an assessment is so incredibly recommended you want answers as early as possible it makes the school transition so much easier., I had an SLP and a pediatrician suggest we get an assessment done for our son. They were right and he has ASD. It opened up a lot of support for him. I think it's worth doing if it's been recommended., Someone posted on another thread recently, something like "if your child isn't autistic, then therapy won't make them autistic. But if they are autistic, then not getting the therapy they need could set them back years". It's normal to question when someone tells you there could be something like this going on. But there's absolutely no harm in getting checked by a developmental ped or neurologist to rule anything out. If it's nothing - then great! At least you know. If it's something - then great! You're already on the right path to getting him the services he needs. Don't let your fear of "what if" cloud your judgment., My SLP never made any recommendations to see anyone else. Started kid in speech in June at 22 months Started kid in preschool at 24 months. Preschool recommended OT. Asked SLP if she thought we needed OT and agreed. Got started with OT right after that. After a couple months OT recommended we get her evaluated by a developmental ped. We pushed back for a few months since she was already in speech and OT and thought that was all she needed, but went ahead and asked for a referral when her tantrums started involving banging her head. That SLP “moved to a different area of practice” when kid was around 2 years 4 months. Finally got through the hurdles to get scheduled with the developmental ped and step 1 of that was a speech eval specifically for autism….which ended up being with the original SLP. She used the ADOS 2 and evaluated as suspected autism. Never once did that SLP say we should see OT or a dev ped even though she had seen her for the longest time. I’m glad other people did make recommendations to us for other things that may be beneficial. We don’t see the dev ped until later this month. And in the grand scheme of things starting additional therapies about a year later than we could have hopefully shouldn’t matter in the long run…but if we had kept her home instead of sending her to preschool we would have never even thought of OT or a dev ped. These professionals see kids all day long and they usually know who has what diagnosis. I would not expect them to attempt to label or diagnose if that is not in their scope of practice, and no one has attempted to diagnose her with anything beyond expressive and receptive speech delay. I do appreciate when someone tells me that another professional may be beneficial., There’s no harm in taking him to see a paediatrician at all. It can be recommended by speech, OT, health visitors, general practitioners and essentially the developmental peadiatrician will always be the one you get referred to. A diagnosis could never be given by speech so that’s likely why you have been directed there. Totally normal though and part of the process! Lots of kids had barely any interaction with other people during the Covid years, but it’s always better to check and see than wait and see. 🙂, This exact situation happened to us. I brought my son in for a speech evaluation right after he turned 2 because he didn’t have any words. I never in a million years thought they would suggest he could possibly be autistic. He’s my first so I really didn’t have anything to compare his development to. They approved him for speech and special instruction, and he was also starting daycare at the same time so we held off on the assessment because I wanted to see how he did with all that first. I definitely didn’t want to overwhelm him with too many new things at one time, but I know I was also a bit in denial at the time. He’s 2.5 now and still very delayed with language, but he started speech about 2 months ago and we are already seeing some improvement. However we have noticed an increase in some repetitive and sensory seeking behaviors.. nothing really difficult but since I’ve done a ton of research now I do believe they were right and he is likely on the spectrum. We’re waiting to have him assessed hopefully within the next few months. I know it’s shocking at first and super hard to accept even the idea of it, but now that it had some time to sink in, I realize I have to stop prioritizing my own emotions and focus on what’s best for my son and his needs. The more services they get now at 2 years old, the better chance they have of catching up to their peers and struggling less! Whether he is autistic or not everything will be ok ♥️, Why did you feel you wanted to take him for the eval? What were your concerns?, How old was your child? I guess what I’m also hesitant about is the fact that he hasn’t started speech or even been in preschool long enough? Would it be best to start those services first and give it some time in school to see if the issue is he just needs to be around more kids?, Yes! We are also all encouraging you because the wait lists can be YEARS long. You can always remove his name later if he is no longer suspected., Rigidity (lack of ability to transition between activities without a fit), social and two way communication concerns, wouldn’t sit in circle time or attend to activities very well at all, etc, Lack of being around other kids won’t cause ASD symptoms. Does your kid go to the park? Do they play with you? Does your child point? Make choices? What interactions does your child have with other people or even animals? Putting words together to make his thoughts known?, He was almost 3 and still not talking. All we got was speech and OT. Like I said before every doctor we tried tiptoed around a diagnosis mainly because he didn't have stereotypical autistic symptoms. I was pretty sure he was autistic because he was similar to my daughter who is also autistic. He's just requires more support and is nonverbal (9 now btw). In my opinion is it's best to get an evaluation first. If you're going to a public preschool I'd request an educational evaluation for possible autism, that gives you a leg up on getting the right specialist. The reason I say do the evaluation first is if your child is autistic being around children's without proper tools and coping mechanisms can be counterproductive to their progress. That is why if there is ANY suspicion, and I believe there is here since you are on this subreddit, then I personally would go evaluation first. Just my opinion., Also intense separation anxiety from me. Like wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom., Has therapy helped him with these things? Is he able to do these things now?, Yes, he transitions very well but sometimes requires a bribe lol. He is still hesitant with new situations. Speech is still behind but he’s conversational (6 years old). I want you to think about “what if”. If you take him for eval and he’s not autistic, you just wasted some money. If you don’t take him and he is autistic, you are wasting years of therapy and help for him., All of us on here have kids with ASD. In my case, both the SLP and OT said he did not have ASD for about 1.5 years. I took him separately for eval. He most definitely does. Take him for the eval. It will open up even more therapies if he does meet the criteria. It will not define where his life will take him., I always recommend to everyone that a neurologist is the best person to go to for an evaluation/assessment. I went through so many pediatricians, developmental pediatricians, therapists, etc, and they were all like ,"eh..maybe." lol. Took him to a neurologist and was diagnosed immediately. It's the confidence difference to me in the evaluation and diagnosis with a neurologist. It's like they see it immediately. If you have any suspicions an assessment is so incredibly recommended you want answers as early as possible it makes the school transition so much easier., I had an SLP and a pediatrician suggest we get an assessment done for our son. They were right and he has ASD. It opened up a lot of support for him. I think it's worth doing if it's been recommended., Someone posted on another thread recently, something like "if your child isn't autistic, then therapy won't make them autistic. But if they are autistic, then not getting the therapy they need could set them back years". It's normal to question when someone tells you there could be something like this going on. But there's absolutely no harm in getting checked by a developmental ped or neurologist to rule anything out. If it's nothing - then great! At least you know. If it's something - then great! You're already on the right path to getting him the services he needs. Don't let your fear of "what if" cloud your judgment., My SLP never made any recommendations to see anyone else. Started kid in speech in June at 22 months Started kid in preschool at 24 months. Preschool recommended OT. Asked SLP if she thought we needed OT and agreed. Got started with OT right after that. After a couple months OT recommended we get her evaluated by a developmental ped. We pushed back for a few months since she was already in speech and OT and thought that was all she needed, but went ahead and asked for a referral when her tantrums started involving banging her head. That SLP “moved to a different area of practice” when kid was around 2 years 4 months. Finally got through the hurdles to get scheduled with the developmental ped and step 1 of that was a speech eval specifically for autism….which ended up being with the original SLP. She used the ADOS 2 and evaluated as suspected autism. Never once did that SLP say we should see OT or a dev ped even though she had seen her for the longest time. I’m glad other people did make recommendations to us for other things that may be beneficial. We don’t see the dev ped until later this month. And in the grand scheme of things starting additional therapies about a year later than we could have hopefully shouldn’t matter in the long run…but if we had kept her home instead of sending her to preschool we would have never even thought of OT or a dev ped. These professionals see kids all day long and they usually know who has what diagnosis. I would not expect them to attempt to label or diagnose if that is not in their scope of practice, and no one has attempted to diagnose her with anything beyond expressive and receptive speech delay. I do appreciate when someone tells me that another professional may be beneficial., There’s no harm in taking him to see a paediatrician at all. It can be recommended by speech, OT, health visitors, general practitioners and essentially the developmental peadiatrician will always be the one you get referred to. A diagnosis could never be given by speech so that’s likely why you have been directed there. Totally normal though and part of the process! Lots of kids had barely any interaction with other people during the Covid years, but it’s always better to check and see than wait and see. 🙂, This exact situation happened to us. I brought my son in for a speech evaluation right after he turned 2 because he didn’t have any words. I never in a million years thought they would suggest he could possibly be autistic. He’s my first so I really didn’t have anything to compare his development to. They approved him for speech and special instruction, and he was also starting daycare at the same time so we held off on the assessment because I wanted to see how he did with all that first. I definitely didn’t want to overwhelm him with too many new things at one time, but I know I was also a bit in denial at the time. He’s 2.5 now and still very delayed with language, but he started speech about 2 months ago and we are already seeing some improvement. However we have noticed an increase in some repetitive and sensory seeking behaviors.. nothing really difficult but since I’ve done a ton of research now I do believe they were right and he is likely on the spectrum. We’re waiting to have him assessed hopefully within the next few months. I know it’s shocking at first and super hard to accept even the idea of it, but now that it had some time to sink in, I realize I have to stop prioritizing my own emotions and focus on what’s best for my son and his needs. The more services they get now at 2 years old, the better chance they have of catching up to their peers and struggling less! Whether he is autistic or not everything will be ok ♥️, Why did you feel you wanted to take him for the eval? What were your concerns?, How old was your child? I guess what I’m also hesitant about is the fact that he hasn’t started speech or even been in preschool long enough? Would it be best to start those services first and give it some time in school to see if the issue is he just needs to be around more kids?, Yes! We are also all encouraging you because the wait lists can be YEARS long. You can always remove his name later if he is no longer suspected., Rigidity (lack of ability to transition between activities without a fit), social and two way communication concerns, wouldn’t sit in circle time or attend to activities very well at all, etc, Lack of being around other kids won’t cause ASD symptoms. Does your kid go to the park? Do they play with you? Does your child point? Make choices? What interactions does your child have with other people or even animals? Putting words together to make his thoughts known?, He was almost 3 and still not talking. All we got was speech and OT. Like I said before every doctor we tried tiptoed around a diagnosis mainly because he didn't have stereotypical autistic symptoms. I was pretty sure he was autistic because he was similar to my daughter who is also autistic. He's just requires more support and is nonverbal (9 now btw). In my opinion is it's best to get an evaluation first. If you're going to a public preschool I'd request an educational evaluation for possible autism, that gives you a leg up on getting the right specialist. The reason I say do the evaluation first is if your child is autistic being around children's without proper tools and coping mechanisms can be counterproductive to their progress. That is why if there is ANY suspicion, and I believe there is here since you are on this subreddit, then I personally would go evaluation first. Just my opinion., Also intense separation anxiety from me. Like wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom., Has therapy helped him with these things? Is he able to do these things now?, Yes, he transitions very well but sometimes requires a bribe lol. He is still hesitant with new situations. Speech is still behind but he’s conversational (6 years old). I want you to think about “what if”. If you take him for eval and he’s not autistic, you just wasted some money. If you don’t take him and he is autistic, you are wasting years of therapy and help for him.

Autism diagnosis

After a child autism diagnosis I’m starting to see more autistic traits in myself and it’s a little upsetting. Anyone experience the same?

Yes but it doesn’t matter if I’m autistic. That’s really what it boils down to for me. I do what works for me and my home to create a safe space for me and my family and I always have., Yeah. Becoming a parent has made me realize how pronounced my auditory sensitivity is… When my kids make certain sounds it feels so painful and upsetting that I cover my ears. It also made me reflect on the time I got a performance evaluation at work that said I “tended to narrate” my day. I also have OCD (diagnosed decades ago) and fixate on things and get upset when my routine is interrupted., I’m spread thin at the moment managing child’s needs so perhaps I’m blaming my own autistic traits on not being able to do everything., In my 20s I would take autism quizzes every now and then online because I thought I might have it. It always came back that I didn’t meet the criteria. I felt strongly like I could be autistic though. Flash forward 10 years and I ended up having an autistic son. I have since learned that it’s common for parents to have traits, but you might not quite be far enough to actually be diagnosed as on the spectrum. Of course you can also have it and just not be diagnosed. People learn to mask. Females in particular are more likely to be socially motivated to learn to fit in. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid. I have terrible social skills and I know I’m still seen as awkward as an adult. I can’t handle plans changing. I get very upset when I have something in my head already and then it changes. I absolutely can’t handle last minute changes. And I have some anxiety issues. So I think I definitely have some of the same problems but maybe not enough to be considered autistic., It's extremely common for parents to realize they are also autistic after their kids are diagnosed., Giving birth to an autistic daughter changed my whole perspective on my entire life experience. Honestly it’s not upsetting for me at all, I never knew enough to pursue more knowledge. Now I finally understand so much more., Not sure why it's upsetting. I just found a psych and got my own evaluation and diagnosis., I believe I have autistic traits. Never thought about them until my son was diagnosed. However I know I don’t meet criteria for autism spectrum disorder. I have 0 support needs and I just think I am one of the many people with traits who are not autistic. It is my personal opinion but I don’t see the point of seeking a diagnosis if your support needs are 0. If your needs are minimal, sure! (I am speaking generally here) I have noticed autistic traits in others in my family that I never would have noticed if my son were not diagnosed. I believe my mother meets DSM criteria for autism spectrum disorder. My ex-husband (child’s father) has manyyyyyyyyy autistic traits., Needing a routine to function, The sensory overload and fixating on relationships as a special interest (didn’t know that was a thing), Yep, it tends to go that way. Many of us self diagnose or seek out a diagnosis as an adult. I didn't personally find it upsetting, it helped me be a more effective parent to my kids bc I understood their needs, and also how to care for myself., What traits are those that you noticed in yourself, OP?, Yes but I’m not actually on the spectrum. I have nonverbal learning disability, To me no, In a way it was a sense of understanding of where it was all coming from. I look at my Son and see all his little quirks and just think... "OH yeah that's me right there... no denying it." It also helps me feel like I can relate to my kiddo's struggles some days., Yep. I've been lazily seeking diagnosis just for my own understanding but turns out it's hard so I probably won't. Walking on balls of feet, never sitting "normal" in a chair, overwhelmed by sounds or lights (God help me in the damn arcade) and the sudden realization that i probably have meltdowns. Super infrequently but it fits like a T and I didn't have a super logical reason before. Bunch of stuff. Childhood memories coming back with a new perspective as well., Relatable. I just thought I was super organized and great at routine had sensory processing issues., *no one can do everything*, What led to your adhd diagnosis? After our child getting a diagnosis of both we are both introspecting a bit and trying to find out who has what diagnosis. I think her dad is adhd., I have taken quizzes for autism for myself and score very high on all of them :/ I have done this over the years since 18 off and on and always dismissed it as nah someone would have noticed.. but flash forward to having my daughter that is meeting the criteria and awaiting evaluation and everyone in my life says she's a copy of me cuz we are so similar and now I'm bavk to thinking that me being autistic is a possibility. I just thought I had issues as a kid because I wasn't behaving and was seeking attention like my parents always yelled at me and said I did., Did a psychiatrist or psychologist do your eval and diagnosis?, Don’t think that I’ve yet learned how to meet all of my needs and child’s needs. I thought a diagnosis would solve everything but instead it feels like being a new mom., I was diagnosed in 4th grade I think. I was always spacing out. I get distracted by my own thoughts to the point where I don’t see or hear what’s going on around me. I felt like teachers thought I was dumb because it looked like I was just staring off into space and I never knew what was going on when they called on me. But really I was just so deep in thought and no matter how much I tried to pay attention, I couldn’t stop it from happening. I would drift off again without realizing it. I didn’t have hyperactivity. I just couldn’t pay attention to much outside of my own head., I get those two terms mixed up so I had to Google their webpage. It was a psychologists, I totally understand that., Oh goodness that was me as a child the spacing out but my little one is hyper. Her dad is just very bad with time management and a bit hyper. Is adhd medicine helpful?, Same problem with me..however I never had a problem focusing or achieving incredibly great scores academically. I also had numerous instances where I would be with friends who were talking about something and I zone out on my own, then come back and interrupt them awkwardly. Same thing with movies..I used to easily miss important plot details and sit in the theater being being lost and somehow come back and try to finish watching movies. In the classroom I always found it a bit hard to focus on anything that I wasn't interested in, I think I will see if I can reach out to one for an eval. :), My nervous system is on overload I think. I really thought the diagnosis was the golden ticket to help…but I don’t think ABA is right for us., I took Ritalin when I was a kid. I honestly don’t know if it helped. I don’t think I paid attention well enough to how I was feeling back then. I just took it because I was told to. At some point they switched me to Adderall and that definitely helped. I felt like a new person when it was working. It was amazing. Unfortunately, your body gets used to it so you have to either up the dose, which isn’t a long term solution because you can’t just keep upping it forever. The other option is to take breaks from it to let your body reset so the same dose will work again when you get back on it. I did this for years but I got terrible migraines and was exhausted during the breaks and eventually I just stopped taking it because of this. I do wish I could feel like it made me feel when it was working, but the way I felt on the breaks wasn’t worth it anymore. Every now and then I think about giving medication another try, but I haven’t yet., It's a lot to process. And then once you get a diagnosis, it's literally time to make decisions when you really haven't had a chance to process the info, much less figure out a trajectory. Take your time. Your kid (and you, if applicable) will still be autistic next week, next month, next year. In regards to ABA, make sure you ask questions to see if they are doing things that align with what you want for your child and how they behave (remember, it's a behavior based intervention) in the future. There's also other interventions that are not ABA that focus on other areas of autism. OT can help them learn more about their body's signals for being stressed, triggers, etc, and help them learn how to meet their needs in a situation. DIRFloortime is an alternative to ABA that is getting more popular, and parents can even get trained in it. It focuses less on isolated skills and behaviors and more on using what the child is interested in to understand their development and how to meet them there. I'm not promoting any one thing, and there are definitely valid criticisms of all interventions, including what I mentioned, so study up. But you don't have to know it all tomorrow., Oh okay thanks for sharing. Migraines are the worst!

Autism disability placard

My daughter 4 has been diagnosed level 2 i tried getting her dr to sign off the dmv form for us to get a placard but she says she didn’t qualify for that because she’s mild. Is this true? I’ve seen other parents say that it’s possible to get it. She does elope and doesn’t understand danger. Her language is very minimal.

So the disability placards are meant for people who can’t walk more than 200 feet (at least in my state). My son (also ASD level 2-3) often elopes (thank goodness for the leash backpack), but he can definitely walk 200 feet, and I wouldn’t consider that to be a qualifying condition. I KNOW it’s hard (we had 3 who are 4 and under), please don’t think I’m downplaying your issues, but it doesn’t sound like she would qualify to me., How often does she elope?, This is something that depends on the state. They have different qualifications and some more specific than others. Here's the relevant excerpt from the old blog post I found when I was first looking into this: >Many states say something like… > >“Is severely limited in the ability to walk due to an arthritic, neurological, or orthopedic condition” > >I would fight on those grounds that because of your kid’s NEUROLOGICAL condition it severely limits his ability to walk SAFELY… > >Some states on the form have a check box for… > >“Cannot walk without the use of, or assistance from, another person or brace, cane, crutch, prosthetic device, wheelchair or other assistance device.” > >My asd kid cannot walk without holding mom or dads hand… so that counts… My daughter elopes or throws herself to the ground, even right in the middle of a traffic lane. It legitimately is dangerous to park halfway across the lot with her. We use a special needs stroller in public. Our pediatrician signed off with that explanation and we got our placards. We're in a new state now and see other autism parents have them here too., Where do you live? Some countries only allow placards for physical disabilities, which autism is not. If you can get a placard you'll have to prove that your daughter is a constant danger to herself in a way that's not typical for children her age, parking closer will mitigate that danger and possibly also that you are unable to keep her out of danger (by holding her hand, etc). Your doctor needs to explain her decision, so if she doesn't think she can do that (even if a placard would help, that doesn't necessarily mean you meet the formal requirements) she can't sign the form. If you're certain your daughter will qualify, you could ask another doctor for their opinion., We're in NY and we just got a placard for our daughter, same age. I felt a little weird at first applying for it because she is also on the mild side. We probably won't use it for 99% of our trips, but it's nice to know it's there when we're having "one of the those days" with her. Thankfully our pediatrician sign off on it no questions asked., Where I am in Canada we have the same rule. My son qualified because his doctor agreed that it’s not safe for him to walk in a parking lot., Does it happen to say something like can't walk 200 feet *without assistance from a person or mobility device*? You just described that., Whenever we’re out if I don’t hold her hand she takes off . If we’re at a store whenever she seems something she likes or something that scares her she’ll run away too, I’m in Florida and same, not sure we will use it frequently but it’s nice to have for peace of mind on rough days when your child is an elopement risk. I brought it up to our pediatrician and she didn’t even hesitate to sign the forms, I had no idea that in some states Autism wasn’t a qualifying disability, I mean that would also describe infants and most toddlers, Have you considered a backpack leash? I know some people have issues with them but it was an absolute lifesaver with my son, and he loved his monkey/leash backpack. He had one [like this.](https://www.amazon.com/Goldbug-Animal-Safety-Harness-Monkey/dp/B00JJ5DLM6/ref=asc_df_B00JJ5DLM6/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198090943423&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=18381893796248979532&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1024511&hvtargid=pla-393589937458&psc=1), Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **'Travel Bug 2 in 1 Safety Harness Monkey'** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful. **Users liked:** * Toddlers enjoy independence while staying close (backed by 5 comments) * Straps could be longer for larger toddlers (backed by 3 comments) * Useful for safety in crowds or unfamiliar places (backed by 3 comments) **Users disliked:** * The harness is too tight for many toddlers (backed by 6 comments) * The leash attachment causes children to fall forward (backed by 4 comments) * The storage pocket is too small to be useful (backed by 3 comments) If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/) This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a “good bot!” reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved. *Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](http://vetted.ai/reddit)

Autism in 4 y.o

Hi everyone! I am completely new to the subject so I hope I will not be offensive in any way. My 4 y.o daughter will soon be evaluated by a neuropsychologist for ASD. Meanwhile we have started speech therapy and I am trying to gather as much information as possible on autism and mentally preparing myself to accompany her the best I can. There are days where I am absolutely sure she is on the spectrum, and other days where I think there's no way. Symptoms : echolalia, finger flicking when anxious, exceptionnel memory and eye for detail. Other than that she is not specially social but participates well in daycare and has a few friends. She's toilet trained for over a year, handles well change in routine, loves travelling and is very sportive. She does sometimes have "specific interests" but she will not fixate at the point of not being interested in anything else. She is very curious about everything. As a baby there were no visible symptoms. When she was 2 there was some lack of eye contact, especially with new persons, and some eloping but that is not the case anymore since quite a while. All in all, if we exclude the language delay, she is developping like her peers. (I should add she is growing up in a multilingual family though this ofc cannot be the cause to echolalia) What do you guys think? She has so little symptoms, but the ones she has seem so connected to ASD. ❤️

Well, while I can’t speak on whether or not your child will get a diagnosis… I can say that my 3.5 year old son was given an ASD diagnosis on friday and he is very similar to what you’re describing. My kiddo echos pretty much everything I say to him rather than answering/conversing, he rubs/flicks the tips of his thumbs sometimes until the skin peels off. He has a great memory when it comes to things like numbers, letters or objects.. he often remembers the building numbers of places even if we’ve only been there once or twice., Hi! Thanks for your answer :) does your son have any other symptoms? I'm so sorry to hear about his fingers... my daughter doesn't harm herself when she stims (if that's what it is), it looks a little like a shiver or shudder going through her upper body and arms and lasts a few seconds. Some days she does it frequently and other days not at all or hardly., sorry this is a bit late but no he doesn't shiver or shudder. he does like to flail his arms and hands when he gets excited though., Well, while I can’t speak on whether or not your child will get a diagnosis… I can say that my 3.5 year old son was given an ASD diagnosis on friday and he is very similar to what you’re describing. My kiddo echos pretty much everything I say to him rather than answering/conversing, he rubs/flicks the tips of his thumbs sometimes until the skin peels off. He has a great memory when it comes to things like numbers, letters or objects.. he often remembers the building numbers of places even if we’ve only been there once or twice., Hi! Thanks for your answer :) does your son have any other symptoms? I'm so sorry to hear about his fingers... my daughter doesn't harm herself when she stims (if that's what it is), it looks a little like a shiver or shudder going through her upper body and arms and lasts a few seconds. Some days she does it frequently and other days not at all or hardly., sorry this is a bit late but no he doesn't shiver or shudder. he does like to flail his arms and hands when he gets excited though., Well, while I can’t speak on whether or not your child will get a diagnosis… I can say that my 3.5 year old son was given an ASD diagnosis on friday and he is very similar to what you’re describing. My kiddo echos pretty much everything I say to him rather than answering/conversing, he rubs/flicks the tips of his thumbs sometimes until the skin peels off. He has a great memory when it comes to things like numbers, letters or objects.. he often remembers the building numbers of places even if we’ve only been there once or twice., Hi! Thanks for your answer :) does your son have any other symptoms? I'm so sorry to hear about his fingers... my daughter doesn't harm herself when she stims (if that's what it is), it looks a little like a shiver or shudder going through her upper body and arms and lasts a few seconds. Some days she does it frequently and other days not at all or hardly., sorry this is a bit late but no he doesn't shiver or shudder. he does like to flail his arms and hands when he gets excited though., Well, while I can’t speak on whether or not your child will get a diagnosis… I can say that my 3.5 year old son was given an ASD diagnosis on friday and he is very similar to what you’re describing. My kiddo echos pretty much everything I say to him rather than answering/conversing, he rubs/flicks the tips of his thumbs sometimes until the skin peels off. He has a great memory when it comes to things like numbers, letters or objects.. he often remembers the building numbers of places even if we’ve only been there once or twice., Hi! Thanks for your answer :) does your son have any other symptoms? I'm so sorry to hear about his fingers... my daughter doesn't harm herself when she stims (if that's what it is), it looks a little like a shiver or shudder going through her upper body and arms and lasts a few seconds. Some days she does it frequently and other days not at all or hardly., sorry this is a bit late but no he doesn't shiver or shudder. he does like to flail his arms and hands when he gets excited though.

Autism in PA

Hello everyone. I am very new to this as my son have been diagnosed 2 weeks ago for level 1 autism along with ADHD. My son is 6 and currently in kindergarten. We live in Pennsylvania. I am a stay at home mom that receive snap benefits and Medicaid for him, my daughter and I. My question is I hope he will qualify for SSI. Read so many post on here about insane denials! I’ve applied online and will have a phone interview in May. Is there anything else he qualify for in the state of Pennsylvania? So I can apply for? Am I able to be his care giver to get paid to watch him? (Would be amazing for the extra income to help around the house) In the next two weeks we are getting paper work done so we can get assigned an aid to help him complete 15 hours a month for his behavior . What questions some topics I should bring up to his doctor and teachers to get him the proper help he needs? Right now we live in Philly and he’s in a lottery pick music charter school…it’s an amazing newer building compared to the ancient buildings the typical schools are in. It’s an apple sponsor school as well. He’s already learn so much compared to our friends children who are in our neighborhood catchment school..BUT he doesn’t have a recess..he goes in at 7:30am to start classes from 8am-3pm. The school have kids go from class to class to either learn ballet once a week, art class, vocal, instrument, and a science class…they have a damn behavior day to day calendar . For example if they talk to much it’s a number “3” or distruping the class they would get a number “5” . They are very confined having to ask kindergarteners to not move nor talk to much?? And if they do they get a written number report for the day which means they’ve been “bad” . Good days they get a star or happy face…my son have been getting alot of numbers because he simply can’t help Himself… other public schools start at 9am-3:30pm. Very easy on the kids compared to our charter school..I’m already planning on transferring him out after he finish kindergarten. I know it’s not a good fit for him esp now with his diagnosis. BUT while we’re waiting till summer break what should I talk to the teacher about? “Go easier on my kid please? He doesn’t know better??” HELPPPP I’m so lost and anxious on what to do that I’ve started to feel so stressed

I am in PA too, Pittsburgh area. You absolutely can apply for SSI. If you don't have a supports coordinator for your son already, you should get one. [Here is a link that should help you start the process.](https://paautism.org/resource/supports-coordination-organizations/) My son is 18 so I applied so long ago that I can't quite remember how I did it. But a supports coordinator will be the one who can help you apply and access waiver funding to be paid as a caregiver. The waiver I am on is, to my knowledge, unrestricted for age meaning you should be able to get funding to care for your son. I go through Pathways, and I am unsure if that is in your area, but by doing so I can get the highest rate (currently 22.81 for 26 hours a week). My son didn't qualify for SSI as a child because my income was too high, but when he turned 18 he was able to qualify. For us, the process was extremely simple. This could be the one silver lining to having a son with profound needs...there is no question about his level of functioning. We had our intake appointment (in person, since he was 18 and can not identify himself on the phone). I filled out the required paperwork. Heard nothing for 3 months, then got a check in the mail. I hope it is that easy for you because I, too, have heard horror stories. You can address problems with school through his IEP. He is entitled to accommodations to help him succeed and those accommodations can absolutely be some breaks for him to allow movement. You can also request that he not participate in that behavior program because due to his disability, it isn't appropriate for him. [The Arc](https://arcphiladelphia.org/arc_philadelphia/programs/advocacyprogram/advocacyprogram.html#:~:text=The%20Arc%20of%20Philadelphia's%20Child,with%20disabilities%20and%20their%20families) has educational advocates that can help you decide what modifications to ask for. They can also help access services and if the above link doesn't work for getting him a supports coordinator, the Arc should be able to help. Hope this helps you, feel free to reach out if you need additional help!, Can I ask why you just don't take him out now? That system seems really traumatizing for your son. Every day he's made to feel like he's stupid and it must be so hard on him. I'd worry that he will carry that over., Thank you so much!! My address on record is outside of Pittsburgh in Westmoreland county. But currently staying in Philly as getting benefit assistance is so much easier than Philly. I will take a look at the link and see where it takes me! Hopefully with a coordinator they can help me become his care giver. It would be amazing with the extra Income., He doesn’t do well with change. At the moment he just knows this is what school is expected of him. I’m waiting till this school year is over so we can start fresh once summer break is done., I am in PA too, Pittsburgh area. You absolutely can apply for SSI. If you don't have a supports coordinator for your son already, you should get one. [Here is a link that should help you start the process.](https://paautism.org/resource/supports-coordination-organizations/) My son is 18 so I applied so long ago that I can't quite remember how I did it. But a supports coordinator will be the one who can help you apply and access waiver funding to be paid as a caregiver. The waiver I am on is, to my knowledge, unrestricted for age meaning you should be able to get funding to care for your son. I go through Pathways, and I am unsure if that is in your area, but by doing so I can get the highest rate (currently 22.81 for 26 hours a week). My son didn't qualify for SSI as a child because my income was too high, but when he turned 18 he was able to qualify. For us, the process was extremely simple. This could be the one silver lining to having a son with profound needs...there is no question about his level of functioning. We had our intake appointment (in person, since he was 18 and can not identify himself on the phone). I filled out the required paperwork. Heard nothing for 3 months, then got a check in the mail. I hope it is that easy for you because I, too, have heard horror stories. You can address problems with school through his IEP. He is entitled to accommodations to help him succeed and those accommodations can absolutely be some breaks for him to allow movement. You can also request that he not participate in that behavior program because due to his disability, it isn't appropriate for him. [The Arc](https://arcphiladelphia.org/arc_philadelphia/programs/advocacyprogram/advocacyprogram.html#:~:text=The%20Arc%20of%20Philadelphia's%20Child,with%20disabilities%20and%20their%20families) has educational advocates that can help you decide what modifications to ask for. They can also help access services and if the above link doesn't work for getting him a supports coordinator, the Arc should be able to help. Hope this helps you, feel free to reach out if you need additional help!, Can I ask why you just don't take him out now? That system seems really traumatizing for your son. Every day he's made to feel like he's stupid and it must be so hard on him. I'd worry that he will carry that over., Thank you so much!! My address on record is outside of Pittsburgh in Westmoreland county. But currently staying in Philly as getting benefit assistance is so much easier than Philly. I will take a look at the link and see where it takes me! Hopefully with a coordinator they can help me become his care giver. It would be amazing with the extra Income., He doesn’t do well with change. At the moment he just knows this is what school is expected of him. I’m waiting till this school year is over so we can start fresh once summer break is done., I am in PA too, Pittsburgh area. You absolutely can apply for SSI. If you don't have a supports coordinator for your son already, you should get one. [Here is a link that should help you start the process.](https://paautism.org/resource/supports-coordination-organizations/) My son is 18 so I applied so long ago that I can't quite remember how I did it. But a supports coordinator will be the one who can help you apply and access waiver funding to be paid as a caregiver. The waiver I am on is, to my knowledge, unrestricted for age meaning you should be able to get funding to care for your son. I go through Pathways, and I am unsure if that is in your area, but by doing so I can get the highest rate (currently 22.81 for 26 hours a week). My son didn't qualify for SSI as a child because my income was too high, but when he turned 18 he was able to qualify. For us, the process was extremely simple. This could be the one silver lining to having a son with profound needs...there is no question about his level of functioning. We had our intake appointment (in person, since he was 18 and can not identify himself on the phone). I filled out the required paperwork. Heard nothing for 3 months, then got a check in the mail. I hope it is that easy for you because I, too, have heard horror stories. You can address problems with school through his IEP. He is entitled to accommodations to help him succeed and those accommodations can absolutely be some breaks for him to allow movement. You can also request that he not participate in that behavior program because due to his disability, it isn't appropriate for him. [The Arc](https://arcphiladelphia.org/arc_philadelphia/programs/advocacyprogram/advocacyprogram.html#:~:text=The%20Arc%20of%20Philadelphia's%20Child,with%20disabilities%20and%20their%20families) has educational advocates that can help you decide what modifications to ask for. They can also help access services and if the above link doesn't work for getting him a supports coordinator, the Arc should be able to help. Hope this helps you, feel free to reach out if you need additional help!, Can I ask why you just don't take him out now? That system seems really traumatizing for your son. Every day he's made to feel like he's stupid and it must be so hard on him. I'd worry that he will carry that over., Thank you so much!! My address on record is outside of Pittsburgh in Westmoreland county. But currently staying in Philly as getting benefit assistance is so much easier than Philly. I will take a look at the link and see where it takes me! Hopefully with a coordinator they can help me become his care giver. It would be amazing with the extra Income., He doesn’t do well with change. At the moment he just knows this is what school is expected of him. I’m waiting till this school year is over so we can start fresh once summer break is done., I am in PA too, Pittsburgh area. You absolutely can apply for SSI. If you don't have a supports coordinator for your son already, you should get one. [Here is a link that should help you start the process.](https://paautism.org/resource/supports-coordination-organizations/) My son is 18 so I applied so long ago that I can't quite remember how I did it. But a supports coordinator will be the one who can help you apply and access waiver funding to be paid as a caregiver. The waiver I am on is, to my knowledge, unrestricted for age meaning you should be able to get funding to care for your son. I go through Pathways, and I am unsure if that is in your area, but by doing so I can get the highest rate (currently 22.81 for 26 hours a week). My son didn't qualify for SSI as a child because my income was too high, but when he turned 18 he was able to qualify. For us, the process was extremely simple. This could be the one silver lining to having a son with profound needs...there is no question about his level of functioning. We had our intake appointment (in person, since he was 18 and can not identify himself on the phone). I filled out the required paperwork. Heard nothing for 3 months, then got a check in the mail. I hope it is that easy for you because I, too, have heard horror stories. You can address problems with school through his IEP. He is entitled to accommodations to help him succeed and those accommodations can absolutely be some breaks for him to allow movement. You can also request that he not participate in that behavior program because due to his disability, it isn't appropriate for him. [The Arc](https://arcphiladelphia.org/arc_philadelphia/programs/advocacyprogram/advocacyprogram.html#:~:text=The%20Arc%20of%20Philadelphia's%20Child,with%20disabilities%20and%20their%20families) has educational advocates that can help you decide what modifications to ask for. They can also help access services and if the above link doesn't work for getting him a supports coordinator, the Arc should be able to help. Hope this helps you, feel free to reach out if you need additional help!, Can I ask why you just don't take him out now? That system seems really traumatizing for your son. Every day he's made to feel like he's stupid and it must be so hard on him. I'd worry that he will carry that over., Thank you so much!! My address on record is outside of Pittsburgh in Westmoreland county. But currently staying in Philly as getting benefit assistance is so much easier than Philly. I will take a look at the link and see where it takes me! Hopefully with a coordinator they can help me become his care giver. It would be amazing with the extra Income., He doesn’t do well with change. At the moment he just knows this is what school is expected of him. I’m waiting till this school year is over so we can start fresh once summer break is done.

Autism seems like a bad nightmare I can't wake up from

My son age 11 evel 3 ASD ID of a 24 month old doesn't sleep more than 4 hours a night with sleep meds have tried numerous meds by specialist we can't go anywhere his challenging behaviors prevent us from any type of socialization everyone seems to avoid us because of him he destroys property and is aggressive toward others. Medications are inefficient as they have the opposite effect on him have attempted anti psychotics, stimulants, anti depressants more than 50 different meds you can think of just need to vent it feels like a hole I keep digging myself deeper into with no sight of light. Have attempted therapies all you can think of was in ABA 6 years and keeps getting worse am lost of hope.

Have you gotten genetic testing done? It might help if you could connect with others facing the same syndrome, if it's one that's known., If he's becoming increasingly unstable and self- harming more frequently I would look into the nearest PSYCH e.r.. (our services here suck so we had drive an hour to one) as someone with a level 3 15 year old and someone who previously fostered a kid in a situation like you're describing and though it breaks your heart we had to take him. Doctors took him off his current meds and put him on new ones. He came back so much more regulated and his communication and listening was much better. If they try turning you away keep repeating that it's not safe and he needs treatment. Because something he's taking is making him more disregulated. Sorry you're going through this and I wish I had more advice to give., Has he also been diagnosed with ADHD? If yes then have you tried Clonidine? It's an off label treatment for ADHD and it works really well in some cases. Best of luck!, https://preview.redd.it/c0qvngaydt9c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f5e6b9128aa810a009e6386b530b474453dca66a We just went to a specialist near Jacksonville for our son. He’s 9 and hasn’t slept for more than 4-6 hours since he was 2. I am tired, my health has declined bc my body is not getting proper rest. So many meds have hurt my sons gut so we didn’t stay on them, they may have helped him sleep but they reeked havoc on his gut which brought on the worst behaviors… Dr suggested these 2 at night, one dropper of each. This is the 4th night in a row our son has slept from 8-5/6 am., Have you considered full time care?, ... about the sleeping problems: Maybe you could try getting him on a biphasic sleep-schedule, where he doesn't sleep 6-8 hours in one go, but instead spread out in two parts over the day? It's fairly rare these days, unless you do shifts at work, but it's doable for humans., I am so sorry! I hope you are able to find something that works or some relief in the new year. Sorry I don't have any good advice., [removed], [removed], [removed], [removed], We dealt with this and it turned out that he was “catastrophically constipated.” Went on daily miralax and it has made a big difference., Hi, what do you mean by genetic testing ? Thanks in advance., There is something called pharmacogenetic testing, which points you to the best drugs based on your genes. But you mentioned trying over 50 meds already, so not sure if this would help., No worries , I googled it . Thanks anyway., Hi that's so heart warming to see your son was able to be stabilized and started on new medication treatment how long was his stay if you don't mind me asking also did you take him saying that he was in crisis I have called many places and they won't accept based on IQ level and needing 24/7 one to one staff., Hi yes thsnks for the response that was the only medication that worked for him but lost its effectiveness, Where do you buy Vital-Calm? The website says it’s sold out., Yes thank you we are looking into our options for full time care., Doesn’t this massively depend on where you live? In New Hampshire the only option is basically turn them over to the state and have charges pressed against you. Unless you’re rich of course and can afford a place., Fuck off with your spammy unhelpful links, [deleted], one thing I learned from this group is they never want to learn or care to try something diffrent I dont even bother anymore trying to help them. I’ve had some success with a few things like sulporfophane and simple spectrum helps my daughter alot with less meltdowns and communication has gotten better., Might have something to do with the fact that you seem unable to consolidate your responses into one reply with multiple links listed. Just a thought., Putting all your sources in one comment might help. It's also really hard to tell which sources you believe to be reputable and which not - if you're mixing podcasts, articles, studies from more and less reputable sources with usually major limitations reported by the people conducting the study, it makes it harder to figure out your argument. Having more sources only helps your argument if those sources are reputable, most people don't have the time to work through everything and seeing unreputable sources (especially if that's widely known) will just make them stop reading. Actually talking about the studies might help too. "Here's a study about this, look" is less helpful than "hey, this study found some connections between autism and fecal flora, they aren't sure about the cause and effect yet but this might be interesting". This isn't a scientific subreddit, not everyone has experience in reading and interpreting studies., Also, you’ll want purchase some ocean front property in Arizona. I’ve got a deal you won’t want to miss., I would say that it’s not a bad idea to offer probiotics to an autistic child because their diets are generally lacking in nutrients. It might help overall mood and clarity but it’s not going to “heal the mind” and I don’t like people going around spreading pseudoscience offering parents false hope that they can cure their child., Thank you my son does suffer from constipation but has bowel movements every other day will ask his Dr thank you, There is a study called Spark. Definitely worth looking into imo!, Hi yes his Dr have ordered genetic testing and we have his results also from pharmacogenetic testing that showed us risk meds based on his genes he does have genetic variants that affect him and doesn't have solely autism it's just so difficult because even in the biggest cities specialist say that he's a complex case and leave me without answers we are trying a new neuro this month that hopefully can point us in right path or give us some solutions, If necessary, go to the ER directly. They can't give you medical advice over the phone, so they'll just tell you what's easiest. If they turn you away when he's there, make sure they document the struggles you've described, that he's in crisis and that they chose to send you home - some doctors mysteriously change their opinion when they're held accountable for not doing anything. Depending on where you live, calling cps is also an option. That doesn't mean your son will get taken away or you're seen as an unfit parent, but they have access to more resources than you'd have on your own. Out of curiosity, how long has your son tried each medication? If he's been on over 50 it sounds like the trial periods have been really short, especially as many antipsychotics and antidepressants take weeks to month to have an effect at all. Even "quick" medications like stimulants can take months to try our properly when you increase the dosage slowly. Autistic people, on average, are more sensitive to medications- not everyone, but it's common enough that psychiatrists will often start on a lower dose than they'd try with other patients. Depending on the experience of your sons psychiatrist that might be worth asking about, most psychiatric medication has the opposite effect when the dosage is too high. If it's not helping, taking a closer look at his therapies can also be good. Lack of communication, emotional and sensory regulation are often triggers for aggressive behaviors, especially in people with high support needs. Those things should be getting addressed in his therapy, if not definitely ask the therapists why they aren't., Yeah it's true they don't want to devote staff to 1 to 1 but again, we had to repeat to everyone we talked to that nope ITS NOT SAFE. He's hurting himself he's hurting you he needs treatment. Umm, I think his stay was a week. They needed time to ween him off his current med and get him on new ones, or something of that nature., [removed], This is our drs site, I got it from her office. They will probably restock in the new year- Dr o care is the name, maybe give them a message online and ask?, Have you tried abilify and respirodal? I'm a premed student but those are the two drugs which work the best for managing violent behavior. My brother is autistic and my parents had to turn him over to full time care after I left for college. In hindsight it was the best option for them and I think it might be for you., New Hampshire? You might be able to get something paid for thru Medicaid. You can get a waiver thru DLTSS that will qualify a child with a developmental disability regardless of parental income. Hope that helps!, [removed], He’s right that he’s just linking studies, [removed], That's fair and completely understandable. Here is something the first major study on microflora and autism was 2002. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12173102/, [removed], I agree. Most children (and adults) could benefit from a probiotic and extra fiber. If the child is having GI issues, IBS, constipation, etc. Fixing or alleviating those symptoms will inevitably help with some behavior issues. If you are uncomfortable and constipated, you are most likely more irritable. I don't think it will do much else other than that though., [removed], Get an x-ray! Our son pooped every day. The doctor initially told me he was constipated and I almost laughed in her face. Turns out you can still poop some times despite being constipated bc softer stool (esp liquid like diarrhea) can seep around harder stool. An X-ray showed a massive back up. They gave him an emergency enema and we had to do multiple clean-outs. It was gross, but honestly, no grosser than the toileting accidents we were dealing with anyway. As soon as we got his gut moving, so much changed for the better. He shot forward in every domain. And he is no longer in pain, which is the biggest win for me as someone who loves him. <3, Thank you !, Thank you so much for your response my son has been on meds since age 3 he was so active and diss regulated that they began meds such as aderall, focalin Ritalin and clonidine at that age. Also antipsychotics worked at a low dose stopped working and then had opposite effect when increased thank you so much for reminding me to document everything when turned away that way I can have that valuable information with me. I will not give up and will have to take him to ER. Thanks again for your support, Wow a week is not bad at all will continue trying to advocate for his rights and not give up. Thanks for your encouraging words and support!, This post/comment was removed for violating the sub's "No Pseudo-Science/MLM" policy., Yes resperiodal was used and tittated at different dosages and had the opposite effect it made the behaviors worse and abilify he is currently on worked at first and now does not they have increased it and makes him worse. Thank you so much for your input!!, Will look into the info!, New hampshire? It might be cheaper to just move to MA., [deleted], They have to be willing to try. Im just glad me and my wife are on the same page always looking at studies and doing research. I’ve taken my daughter off the sulforaphane and simple spectrum and its night and day. I wish every autistic parent can try it but I know most of them are close minded so I dont even bother., [removed], Can you link some studies on this that *haven’t* been debunked? Feeding literal shit to babies was not proven to do anything and is actually a horror story., , Look, it’s undeniably a diverse microbiome is good for everyone and yes , ever more among those impacted by autism . I’m sure it can improve overall quality of life. But I don’t believe my level 3 IDD child will turn verbal and have an intact mind by healing his gut. Neurogenesis can’t be reversed or you might as well invent a time machine to change all my child’s ancestors lifestyle that cascade into faulty brain genes . Thinking optimistically, the best shot is CRISP technology, which is at its infancy in autism research- that my child nor any autistic child in the near future will benefit, I am going to ask for an x-ray now so happy to hear your success story it's inspiring and to know that sometimes a simple change can make all the difference, Is he on adderall focolin or any other stilumants (feel free to pm me if your son is on because they go by 100s of different geneeric or brand names). Drugs like that are probably causing him to stay up all night cause increased agreesion and are commonly perscribed to treat autism/adhd. If i were you I would ask your doctor about stopping thoose. How many/what medications is your son on? Abilify is the strongest medication currentaly avaible ushually most doctors start the pateint on abilify and wean down to respirodal just because of how strong and dangerous theese medications are long term. Feel free to pm me. I'm not a full doctor yet but I've had an autistic brother aswell in a simular situation whoose sadly in full time care. It's very odd for theeese medications to be having the opposite effects on your son., [removed], It looks like you shared an AMP link. These should load faster, but AMP is controversial because of [concerns over privacy and the Open Web](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot). Fully cached AMP pages (like the one you shared), are [especially problematic](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot). Maybe check out **the canonical page** instead: **[https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/scientists-make-gut-brain-connection-to-autism-1.681687](https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/scientists-make-gut-brain-connection-to-autism-1.681687)** ***** ^(I'm a bot | )[^(Why & About)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot)^( | )[^(Summon: u/AmputatorBot)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/cchly3/you_can_now_summon_amputatorbot/), [removed], [removed], definently will check them out, Studies like this can begin an interesting line of research, but this isn't saying that much. They don't have a control group, the age of these children isn't specified which is a major issue as a large decrease in autism symptoms/change in level is fairly common at younger ages. Interesting topic, but what you've linked so far isn't substantial research, it's findings that are pointing to a potential field of study but not saying much on their own., Sure, but these studies don’t have specificity. What’s the autism heterogeneity of the subjects , how many subtypes? If they only had level 1 participants, yes I can guarantee you they were doing great after the transplant, not having GI burdens will hopefully promote more social behavior. But it’s a whole different story with level 3. Perhaps not having an upset belly could reduce self-injury and aggression, but they won’t turn verbal nor stop stimming. You can’t modify neural wiring by fixing the gut, it’s like saying an endoscopy will remove brain tumors, the brain is a very complex organ that can’t be altered by gut connectivity, He only said “mamá” which is pretty much still nonverbal. Turning verbal would mean he instantly developed full, rich language and self-advocate, [removed], [removed], I promise you: the day FMT is approved as standard autism treatment I’ll be the first in line to get it for my child, I’m all for anything evidence based and safe that can ameliorate his suffering. But I have ZERO hope it will turn him neurotypical or even level 2, much less level 1, I know everything about S2C , specially the former SLP Elizabeth Vosseller who plagiarized the creator of RPM. S2C is even more unethical than RPM because it override actual verbalizations from spellers who do have some limited speech. Both S2C and RPM are debunked frauds from the same source : Facilitaded Communication, [removed], [removed], I could understand your persistence on the link between the gut and the autism brain (because there’s actually some evidence-based body of research) . But there are dozens of scientific studies disproving S2C. There is only ONE study on S2C (corrupted with conflict of interests and not per-reviewed ) that was quickly debunked too. There are a total of ZERO studies that scientifically validate S2C . So you may have some lead with the gut theory, but S2C is a dead end

Autism vlogs on YouTube

In the early years of my daughter’s diagnosis, I found the autism vlogs on YouTube very helpful. However, a few weeks ago, the Washington Post ran a story about the vlogs that feature children and how in some cases creators on YouTube and TikTok were exploiting their children. [Source](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/04/08/child-influencers-protections-congress/) Reading this made me immediately think about the ethics around channels like Fathering Autism and other autism focused vlogs. How much worse could it be for children who are unable to speak or otherwise communicate? Was curious what other parents thought about it. Are there ethical alternatives?

It's not the mere fact of featuring autistic kids on the vlogs. It'a all about how it's handled. The Instagram account @ storiesaboutautism is the gold standard in my opinion. A dad co-parenting two nonverbal autistic boys. It focuses on compassion, acceptance, and caregiver self-forgiveness. There is no toxic positivity. And there is no showing the boys in their difficult moments. Yes, it is the dad who interprets which moments of the boys' lives are fit for public sharing. But this is the nature of parenting and caregiving, where we are often called upon to make decision on behalf of our loved ones. And the purpose of the account is clearly for support and community, not for clout or monetary gain. Even though this account shares videos of kids who cannot consent verbally, no one could convince me that this account is exploitative., It’s definitely a valid concern. I wouldn’t want some of the crazier or unusual things that I did as a kid blasted all over the internet. But on the other hand, there are next to NO realistic representations of autism caregivers in movies and shows. (I’ve only seen one) And the only people with autism are high functioning, genius teenagers portrayed as “quirky” and “misunderstood”. It’s almost a cliché. As someone with a young child who is nonverbal and with fairly high needs, I need to see people like me who are still struggling with special needs parenting. Makes me feel less alone and they can offer some great advice., I think a parent talking about it and then actually filming their child without their consent are two different things. NT kids who can consent, different story. This sub is my place to get info and advice., I like to watch fathering autism from time to time because I enjoy seeing how they do things with their daughter but I absolutely don’t agree with a lot that they stop her from doing that is clearly stimming or being loud. I’m sure they are fantastic parents but those little details always bug me., Children in many instances are considered too young to give consent, because they can’t possibly understand what they’re consenting to. I’ve actually thought about this a lot with regard to some of the big YouTube channels featuring families- they’re usually neurotypical kids, and some parents show every nitty gritty detail- their kid having a tantrum, their kid having potty training issues, eating issues, fights with siblings, etc. Someday those kids will be adults and anyone who wants to can view hundreds of hours of footage of their childhood on the internet. It could be a very difficult thing for them to deal with depending on how private they are. I think it’s different from child actors who just play a short role that is unrelated to their personal life., “It's not the mere fact of featuring autistic kids on the vlogs. It'a all about how it's handled.” I mean, yes I don’t disagree. However in mostly unregulated areas, the “gold standard” still seems entirely subjective. I’ve never heard of @storiesaboutautism and will definitely check it out., I forgot the article was paywalled so maybe you didn’t read it, because you are not actually confronting the issue it raises. It’s not as simple as people talking about it vs filming their kids (or anyone for that matter) without consent. Also not sure if I understood what you mean by “neural typical kids who can consent, different story.” are you saying that if a child can consent that would make null any concern over potential exploitation? I really encourage a read of the article. It specifically calls attention to NT kids who, even consenting to being filmed, are vulnerable to exploitation., Oh for sure, in some ways, "exploitation" is in the eye of the beholder. I have seen "autism mom (or dad)" accounts that I do feel are exploitative. Mostly because the main point seems to be to attract attention to the parent. On the other hand, there are some people out there who think all posting of kids on social media is exploitation (that seems a little extreme to me). Personally I only share on my private IG with about 30 followers of close friends and family. Other make a different choice, which is fine., Anyone at all times is vulnerable to exploitation. It's pretty obvious that it can be exploited by those with nefarious intentions, like most things. But if a parent is honest about the implications and can properly convey the complexities to their child who is a consenting and enthusiastic participant, then no, I don't see anything fundamentally any more wrong than a commercial appearance or tv segment would be for a consenting, enthusiast child. Obviously there is a lot involved and it would probably be a good idea to involve a mental health professional who would be able to aid the people in navigating the emotional complexities of their chosen endeavors., I don’t agree with the comparison. I actually work in film/TV and can tell you the laws that are in place to protect children are fairly robust. Unfortunately, many of those laws that protect children came about because of incentives that made even good parents overlook their child(s) wellbeing. Admittedly, I don’t know much about how people make money on YouTube or TikTok, but there is just no comparison between the safeguards of a union studio and that of a social influencer. My background/career is probably why I’m even thinking about this., It sounds like you had your opinion cemented before you even read the article yet you posed this as "I wonder what other people think?" If you are knowledgeable to this extent, maybe it would be a good idea to contact your politicians and get them to introduce laws for children who star in vlogs, because I don't think people who don't have the industry exposure have the same opinions. Its like driving a certain model car, you tend to see more on the road because you can easily recognize it from exposure., No, not cemented. I didn’t find your logic persuasive - doesn’t mean I’m unmoved by a good argument. By posing the question I’m admitting I don’t yet know how to feel, while simultaneously attempting (in earnest) to find ways to bury my concerns and go back to thinking everything is just fine., Charming.

Autism, mri, heavy metal detox, eeg

I have a non verbal autistic almost 5 year old son. I am very proud to be his mother and in no way am I trying to “cure” his autism. My goal is to make life & communication easier for him. He communicates non verbally and also utilizes a communication device but he absolutely struggles with having such limited verbal communication. Heavy metal detox’s have been suggested to me in the past. I have always immediately declined as I’ve always thought that it’s quackery, but as I watch my son struggle I’m feeling desperate to try anything. Per his MRI from April 2022, He has white matter hyperintensity in the bifrontal head regions, maximum right of his brain. Additionally, he has right hippocampal sulcus remnant cyst. He has a upcoming sedated MRI at the beginning of July to check if there have been any changes He has had two 24 hour EEGS. He has had 6 febrile seizures. Abnormal EEG due to rare left posterior spikes while awake, frequent left posterior spikes while asleep, and occasional right posterior spikes while asleep. And sharp waves in the left parietal and parietal vertex (PZ/P3) He has had genetic testing and we are waiting on results He started Keppra last week. He’s been incredibly tired and irritable since starting the medication. I’m personally struggling with understanding why he’s on the medicine if he hasn’t had a seizure unprovoked. They have all happened while he has a fever (and have lasted under 2 minutes) Doctors suggest that he will likely continue to have seizures. They also are “unsure” if the Keppra will help the spikes/waves in his brain. And since he hasn’t had a seizure unprovoked, my question is what are we treating?? The potential of developing epilepsy?? I can’t get a straight answer from his neurologist I had my son’s occupational therapist recommended that I join “TRS- A safe heavy metal detox” Facebook group. Immediately went to my this is quackery mind frame. But I joined the group. There are so many reviews and testimonials of kids being detoxed and seeing improvements. I can use my critical thinking skills and realize that just because the review is there doesn’t mean it’s accurate and people lie. Doctors can’t give me a good reasons for anything that’s happening. I’m left feeling frustrated and helpless. My son regressing The heavy metal detox is starting to sound like not so bad of an idea. Especially knowing that he’s on Keppra as a “let’s try and see what happens” medication. The medication has side effects. Please give me feedback on the heavy metal detox? I’m really questioning if a “let’s give it a month and try it” mind frame would be beneficial while also maintaining my “this is quackery” mind frame. Confused and lost and I just want to help my son

After reviewing the reports, I’m leaving this up because 1. OP has acknowledged this is a pyramid scheme and they will not be doing this 2. The comment detailing that there have been child deaths caused by these detoxes is important for people to know 3. Heavy metal exposure is something you should talk to your child’s licensed medical team about., Okay, so it’s clearly a pyramid scheme. We won’t be doing the heavy metal detox. I’m still open to any feedback on the post though, There was a naturopathic "doctor" in Argentina that was promoting heavy metal detox for autism some time ago. A child died and he was arrested. When COVID came along, he started promoting heavy metal detox for COVID. See the recurring theme? Money, quackery, death and crime all go hand-in-hand. And its not new, either. Read Neurotribes for a history of autism and you will see what its all about (warning: it will make you cry for the poor kids)., With the other things the kid has going on I truly can’t imagine a heavy metal detox assisting in any way or being the “cause” of their autism., Please also find a new OT. I would not be able to trust my child with someone who had such bad judgement (and tried to get you to follow them) PS: good on you for having a hefty sense of skepticism and looking out for your kid!, Recently I listened to an audiobook of Neurotribes. One section went through a parents time of utilizing heavy metal detoxing for their child. The provider that they saw could not articulate at what levels their child would be considered “cured.” If you are concerned your son has been exposed to lead or arsenic or other heavy metals, please first consider speaking to your child’s pediatrician. Their are blood tests that can detect these heavy metals and provide you with what actual levels are considered safe or harmful., Really glad you listened to your BS alarms and have now decided against a “heavy metal detox.” I’d suggest three things - one, absolutely consider changing occupational therapists. You’ve got a professional giving unsafe advice not backed by science… I would personally doubt their practices after that. If they’re ready to suggest quackery, how sound is their current course of action for your child in any other regard? That’s unnerving enough that I’d also bring it up to their management at whatever group they’re with. Second, I would strongly consider what therapies your child may benefit from that they are not currently receiving. Follow up to that, if the occupational therapy is helping in your opinion, is he receiving enough of those services to really take in what he’s learning and apply it daily/do you feel like you know enough from his therapist to fill in the treatment time gaps so y’all are consistently helping him? Third, I think the Keppra/febrile seizures/testing results conversation is beyond the autism parenting subreddit. Have you taken that question to subreddits about epilepsy? I imagine you’d be able to get much fuller answers and personal stories there. Best of luck. Of *course* you want the best for your kid. Things that overpromise results sound shiny and tempting. Glad you reached out to the group instead., In all treatments, keep in mind that generally autistic kids gains skills and abilities as they age. Do anything, and there is a fairly good chance that six months later there will be improvement., I’ve been on keppra before. It made me absolutely exhausted. Exhausted on another level. I was miserable on the drug, but it does prevent seizures. But if the doctors are not giving you an explanation for why the prescribed the drug, please go get a second opinion!, This is a trap for desperate parents who can wanted to do anything to cure their kids., I have tried the nemencheck protocol which if I remember correctly is just some fish oil, olive oil and prebiotics which is for gut health. It’s also quackery, but after reading all of the testimonials and having the pediatrician tell me it was ok to give kids the things that are part of the protocol I gave it a try. I didn’t really see anything major, just the typical gradual improvements that we’ve always seen. After spending time in numerous groups for autism and developmental delay, I’ve seen that there are MANY success stories, the vast majority aren’t attributed to anything in particular. Some parents will say they think school, therapy etc helped, or just time and maturity. There are tons of stories of non verbal kids becoming verbal, of kids who were extremely delayed catching up in a lot of areas, of kids with severe behavioral issues drastically reducing their behaviors. So my theory is this: many parents do see improvements, sometimes dramatic improvements. It’s actually unusual I would say to see NO improvement in your autistic child over the years. For those who happen to be trying some sort of diet change or detox or protocol or whatever as their kid is going through these developments and improvements naturally or with the help of school and therapy, they attribute the changes to the quackery. They post tons of rave reviews in the groups accompanied with videos etc. Your takeaway should be that you kid absolutely can improve- but not through one of these detoxes or other “cures”., [removed], I understand your frustration. The fact that your son has such specific symptoms gives hope that the genetic tests just might give you some answers., The eeg was done while he was having a fever? Was he inpatient?, Have you attempted just teaching them the sign language of your country?, If your concerned about heavy metals you can get a blood test for lead and other heavy metals. I think I would start there before trying all this other stuff. Unrelated but have you looked into AAC?, Your child can be cured, however he will need to go through a 30 day detox and then built up with the proper herbs (organic). You should look into dr sebi aswell. All diseases and sicknesses can be cured, No harm in trying natural chelators and assessing yourself if there is a difference. Unfortunately this topic is laden with politics and bias, which would prevent any discovery from even occurring. If it truly worked, most people would still be against it, that is how hard core medical dogma and politics runs now. Anti research imo. Heavy metal detox smoothie (look this up-medical medium, who is yes, a quack of sorts) is something I incorporate often. Regardless of preconceptions, am mindful to try things for myself Lots of literature on chelation therapy and heavy metals as they relate to our biology now. Impact of post industrial revolution living would make sense. Lots of stuff we are exposed to ie lead not easily removed by body. Lead for one being taken up into bone. Again confirmable by much research, I just ordered the book! Thank you for the recommendation., the heavy metal detox, when done properly has alot of health benefits. There are alot of testimonies on it., You’re right! Thanks for helping me come back down to reality, Honestly she is GREAT! Super autistic affirming and has a great relationship with my son. Previous OT’s have not been able to connect with him the way she has. We have seen great gains working with her. My son has high sensory needs and she meets them while working on goals. She has been an amazing advocate for him and a great addition to his team. It has been so refreshing working with her after working with previous therapists who were very compliance based (which I honestly did not realize at the time) I think letting her know that we are not interested will be plenty, and she might not even follow up. If it becomes anything more we will absolutely move on but I don’t think it will be anything more then a personal recommendation. I don’t think she would recommend this to anyone and did say that it was personal not professional recommendation. I absolutely think you can maintain relationships with people who have different views as long as it’s respected, I just ordered the book. Thanks for the suggestion. We will not be doing the heavy metal detox. A moment of weakness definitely., Oh absolutely and good point! I 100% know that he will continue to learn, thrive and will absolutely be a success story. I feel like this post kind of makes it look like I’m looking for some kind of quick fix. Absolutely not it. Definitely just feeling overwhelmed with the start of this new medication and looking into suggestions. I appreciate the feedback, Some children have died from chelation (heavy metal detox) "treatments". "Give it a go" is dangerous advice. Recommend you delete your post. One example (TW: Death): Pennsylvania. In August 2005, a boy aged 5 years with autism died while receiving IV chelation therapy with Na2EDTA in a physician's office. During the chelation procedure, the mother noted that the child was limp. The physician initiated resuscitation, and an emergency services team transported the child to the hospital. At the emergency department (ED), further resuscitation was attempted, including administration of at least 1 and possibly 2 doses of IV calcium chloride. Subsequently, the boy's blood calcium level was recorded in the ED as 6.9 mg/dL. The child did not regain consciousness. The coroner examination indicated cause of death as diffuse, acute cerebral hypoxic-ischemic injury, secondary to diffuse subendocardial necrosis. The myocardial necrosis resulted from hypocalcemia associated with administration of Na2EDTA. The case is under investigation by the Pennsylvania State Board of Medicine. Source: CDC, We are hopeful that the genetics testing provides some clarity., He actually did develop a fever during the eeg. The last eeg had the same results with no fever. Both were scheduled in patient about a week after febrile seizures, Yes! We are working on that now. He knows a few signs. More, all done, please, unicorn, stop and he does a really good job at communicating his needs non verbally. Our entire family is working on becoming American Sign Language fluent, I’m not concerned about heavy metals. He does have an AAC but we call it a communication device!, Better test is hair sample. Try it you'll be shocked, It was a thought (clearly by original post here) but we won’t be trying it. I’ve always known it to be quackery but something about reading positive reviews made me reconsider for a solid hour. Thankful for comments like this that bring me back to reality, Keppra can have adverse behavioral effects, I would see if they are able to switch it. At this point it seems like they want him to stay on a seizure med in case it’s epilepsy and not actually febrile seizures. How high does the fever get? Do they know the a reason he is getting so many fevers?, To add on to this, sometimes seizures or seizure activity can cause a mild fever. Illness can lower the seizure threshold. It is not normal to have 6 seizures even with a fever. Seizure activity can also cause regressions, as it has with my boy., According to the group “heavy metals are in everything” I’m not currently worried about it!, Thanks for the healthy dialogue! I think you will like the book I and someone else mentioned - its really good at contextualizing the history of all these "treatments"., Just amazon primed it!

Autistic Lvl 2 Toddler (3yo)

TLDR: Anyone can give their examples of what you do for daily routine, activities, learning/teaching? I (momma) had a daily routine going with until our family went on vacay to visit other family and a newly born baby. Although I have been trying to do activities with her (toddler), doesn't seem interested for long or doesn't show any interest at all. Also, she makes sounds (non verbal, all gibberish) whenever which is throughout the day and night. I dont know how to discipline her when I dont think she understands why I am not letting her touch certain things (go in office and mess with computer or other items in that room).* *Husband gets angry frustrated to the point of slapping her hand away, yelling at her, pushing her out the door. Yelling angrily at her to stop touching his stuff (office is basically his gaming room, his controller or keyboard she touched). Me: you know she doesn't understand right? Him: yeah, I'm just tired of it already. Speak words damn it. If you watched the Disney Channel original movie Tru Confessions, he is basically like the father in the movie when he interacts with her. Thank you and my apologies if I shouldn't post this here. Just out of ideas. Feels like I'm the only one trying with her.

I just want to give some perspective as a dad who got really depressed when I had kids. It was a big change for me and I went from having unlimited free time after work to having zero. This was unsustainable. Our issue was that my wife and I were always on call. Neither of us got a break and we were always stressed out. Your husband is frustrated because he’s not getting enough time to himself. You’re probably frustrated because you’re not getting enough time for yourself. Some of this will be fixed as you adjust to your new lifestyle of having children. That’s a giant change and adding a special needs kid makes it even more difficult. But that doesn’t fix everything. What finally worked for my family is to tag team. You must make time for each parent to get time for their hobbies. And it’s absolutely not enough just to timidly agree to separate time but then constantly interrupt the other person because it gets hard. The tag team MUST be absolute. The other party must absolutely be wholly responsible for anything that happens while the other parent is getting their time. Otherwise the feeling of always being on call will never go away. This ultimately worked for us. I go away and play golf with my friends and I don’t answer my phone. My wife doesn’t call unless it’s an absolute emergency. She goes away with her friends and I never call or text her. This has expanded into me taking all the children away on a trip for a weekend while she relaxes and recharges. I get time during the week for work trips or personal trips with friends. This is what helped us. Maybe it can help others., I just want to give some perspective as a dad who got really depressed when I had kids. It was a big change for me and I went from having unlimited free time after work to having zero. This was unsustainable. Our issue was that my wife and I were always on call. Neither of us got a break and we were always stressed out. Your husband is frustrated because he’s not getting enough time to himself. You’re probably frustrated because you’re not getting enough time for yourself. Some of this will be fixed as you adjust to your new lifestyle of having children. That’s a giant change and adding a special needs kid makes it even more difficult. But that doesn’t fix everything. What finally worked for my family is to tag team. You must make time for each parent to get time for their hobbies. And it’s absolutely not enough just to timidly agree to separate time but then constantly interrupt the other person because it gets hard. The tag team MUST be absolute. The other party must absolutely be wholly responsible for anything that happens while the other parent is getting their time. Otherwise the feeling of always being on call will never go away. This ultimately worked for us. I go away and play golf with my friends and I don’t answer my phone. My wife doesn’t call unless it’s an absolute emergency. She goes away with her friends and I never call or text her. This has expanded into me taking all the children away on a trip for a weekend while she relaxes and recharges. I get time during the week for work trips or personal trips with friends. This is what helped us. Maybe it can help others., I just want to give some perspective as a dad who got really depressed when I had kids. It was a big change for me and I went from having unlimited free time after work to having zero. This was unsustainable. Our issue was that my wife and I were always on call. Neither of us got a break and we were always stressed out. Your husband is frustrated because he’s not getting enough time to himself. You’re probably frustrated because you’re not getting enough time for yourself. Some of this will be fixed as you adjust to your new lifestyle of having children. That’s a giant change and adding a special needs kid makes it even more difficult. But that doesn’t fix everything. What finally worked for my family is to tag team. You must make time for each parent to get time for their hobbies. And it’s absolutely not enough just to timidly agree to separate time but then constantly interrupt the other person because it gets hard. The tag team MUST be absolute. The other party must absolutely be wholly responsible for anything that happens while the other parent is getting their time. Otherwise the feeling of always being on call will never go away. This ultimately worked for us. I go away and play golf with my friends and I don’t answer my phone. My wife doesn’t call unless it’s an absolute emergency. She goes away with her friends and I never call or text her. This has expanded into me taking all the children away on a trip for a weekend while she relaxes and recharges. I get time during the week for work trips or personal trips with friends. This is what helped us. Maybe it can help others., I just want to give some perspective as a dad who got really depressed when I had kids. It was a big change for me and I went from having unlimited free time after work to having zero. This was unsustainable. Our issue was that my wife and I were always on call. Neither of us got a break and we were always stressed out. Your husband is frustrated because he’s not getting enough time to himself. You’re probably frustrated because you’re not getting enough time for yourself. Some of this will be fixed as you adjust to your new lifestyle of having children. That’s a giant change and adding a special needs kid makes it even more difficult. But that doesn’t fix everything. What finally worked for my family is to tag team. You must make time for each parent to get time for their hobbies. And it’s absolutely not enough just to timidly agree to separate time but then constantly interrupt the other person because it gets hard. The tag team MUST be absolute. The other party must absolutely be wholly responsible for anything that happens while the other parent is getting their time. Otherwise the feeling of always being on call will never go away. This ultimately worked for us. I go away and play golf with my friends and I don’t answer my phone. My wife doesn’t call unless it’s an absolute emergency. She goes away with her friends and I never call or text her. This has expanded into me taking all the children away on a trip for a weekend while she relaxes and recharges. I get time during the week for work trips or personal trips with friends. This is what helped us. Maybe it can help others.

Autistic adult experiencing psychosis

My 21yr old autistic son has been in psychosis and finding him inpatient care has been difficult because hospitals deny individuals with autism. Seemingly the only place that would accept him is a state hospital and I am so afraid because of the horror stories I've heard. This has felt so isolating. Has anyone else had an adult child go through psychosis (hallucinations and delusions) and what approaches were taken? Treatments,programs, just anything that helped?

Does he have outpatient care? Is he compliant with taking prescribed medication? Is he an *immediate* danger to himself or to others?, I have no advice. I’m so sorry about this situation. Hugs coming your way, Can you convince him to see a psychiatrist? If he goes on medication, he could see improvement after weeks, he may even be free of symptoms completely. If he is not an immediate danger to himself and others, it is more difficult for him to be placed on psychiatric hold., My 18 year old got Psychosis from ADHD meds so it calmed down when they were stopped. He does seem things when very stressed. Maybe check out the state hospital, if it's not suitable for neurodivergent's then try get intensive outpatient treatment. I'm in UK so things work different I guess depending where you live, Hopefully he does not get a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but these resources may be helpful given the psychosis diagnosis. Podcast: Schizophrenia: Three Moms in the Trenches and this book: [https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H](https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H), He has an outpatient psychiatrist whom he only sees virtually. I've been trying to find someone else for another opinion, that specializes in autism. He takes medication, he is complaint with them, no issues there. His meds were recently changed and they threw him off big time. Significant mood changes and he became aggressive. Prior to the med changes, he had a handful of episodes in the last 15 months were he was really agitated and he would hit, like a child swats and hits but nonetheless that still hurts and is scary. 95% of the time no aggression. But I feel it could escalated the more he is in psychosis. I think he is heavily dissociating, he exhibits ptsd symptoms like memory gaps, just random "triggers", mentioning things that happened years ago etc. Like his mind is stuck on a loop. He has a psychiatrist and therapist but he doesn't talk to them. He may spend 5 minutes every two weeks with them. Maybe that's a sign he isn't connecting with them or maybe he can't express what's going on. I'm just not sure. He is level 1 autistic but I would bet if he were evauled today, if not having psychotic symptoms, that he is more level 2 on an emotional and behavioral level. He was in college 15 months ago, when this began. He's been on a break since., Thank you, He has a Pyschatrist who prescribes meds but the meds just don't seem to be doing enough. Or maybe because he has no diagnosis, he isn't on the right meds. His meds were changed about a month ago and he exhibits some poor responses, aggression for one. He is off those meds now and started a new one this week., Oh wow that is scary too. May I ask how you knew it was the meds? I ask because I wonder if that may be some of what's going on with my son too. The US apparently lacks in understanding and support of autism. I was told intensive outpatient wouldn't be an option because he has actively having hallucinations and because he likely wouldn't participate in group therapy because as being autistic that is difficult. We have zero resources outside a psychiatrist and therapist, whom he sees virtually 2x a month. It's not enough and he isn't connecting with them, he doesn't tell them much., So far every psychiatrist he has seen said it was too acute for a mental illness and suspect something else.is going on. I think he may have psychotic depression or some dissociative disorder and ptsd. He has memory gaps, talks about various things he experienced in cbild hood, is triggered by people and even our house (he said he wants to move). Sometimes when he is at the hospital, which is generally on the medical unit not behavioral, it's like he gets better and then he comes home and it starts again after a few weeks. He says he hear voices everyday., How soon can he see his doctor? Does the doctor speak to you, as well?, Do you know which meds he is on? The only approved medications for autism are Abilify and Risperdal. These are both atypical antipsychotics that should treat psychosis too. Psych medications take weeks or months to fully kick in. If he is on a new medication, it might take a while to work. Please talk to your doctor about this., The UK lacks support terribly too. My son has autism and ADHD so was put on ritalin. As soon as he started it he slowly started seeing things, things out the corner of his eyes. That progressed and it took me awhile to think of it's the med. He was seeing and hearing tings and also paranoia. Then his ADHD nurse went off sick and the replacement ghosted us. So I weaned him off the med myself. When he finally got seen they said ritalin can do that but usually in people who are bipolar. We are still waiting on proper assesment for bipolar. Also still waiting for talking therapy to start. Our mental health service is a fight for bare minimum support, I am at all his appointments. We are in touch with his doctor. My son is in the hospital now. He has been there for 5 days now in the ER waiting for a bed at any accepting facility but so far everyone has denied him because of autism., He has been on Risperidal 2mg twice daily. He has been on Risperidal since June 2023. In January he started Abilify and six weeks into it and two dosage increases, he changed. He became emotional disregulated, very angry and was aggressive a few times in the last month. Before the hallucinations began 15 months ago, he was on no medications. He did come off Abilify and as of this week on Depakote 250mg and Risperidal is now 1mg three times a day. He also started 5mg Lexapro this week.., Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It's just not right that this community is not adequately supported. My son has been in ER waiting for 5 days and no place will admit him because of autism. It's not right. They go through things too. I'm going to do my bed to get his story out there . I've already sent letters to legislation. No family should have tonfight this hard for the bare minimum, Did he go on these medications because of psychosis, or did the psychosis appear after he started taking meds? Definitely get him diagnosed. It will help later, especially if you need to file for conservatorship. Chlorpromazine sometimes helps people who are resistant to other antipsychotics. If your child has a diagnosis of schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder, it will be easier to get. But like I said, his new medications may take some time to fully kick in., My son got one night in the psyche ward but they put him in a busy ward with one extremely volatile patient. So of course he was begging me to get him out the next day. It was not neurodivergent friendly at all, Does he have outpatient care? Is he compliant with taking prescribed medication? Is he an *immediate* danger to himself or to others?, I have no advice. I’m so sorry about this situation. Hugs coming your way, Can you convince him to see a psychiatrist? If he goes on medication, he could see improvement after weeks, he may even be free of symptoms completely. If he is not an immediate danger to himself and others, it is more difficult for him to be placed on psychiatric hold., My 18 year old got Psychosis from ADHD meds so it calmed down when they were stopped. He does seem things when very stressed. Maybe check out the state hospital, if it's not suitable for neurodivergent's then try get intensive outpatient treatment. I'm in UK so things work different I guess depending where you live, Hopefully he does not get a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but these resources may be helpful given the psychosis diagnosis. Podcast: Schizophrenia: Three Moms in the Trenches and this book: [https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H](https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H), He has an outpatient psychiatrist whom he only sees virtually. I've been trying to find someone else for another opinion, that specializes in autism. He takes medication, he is complaint with them, no issues there. His meds were recently changed and they threw him off big time. Significant mood changes and he became aggressive. Prior to the med changes, he had a handful of episodes in the last 15 months were he was really agitated and he would hit, like a child swats and hits but nonetheless that still hurts and is scary. 95% of the time no aggression. But I feel it could escalated the more he is in psychosis. I think he is heavily dissociating, he exhibits ptsd symptoms like memory gaps, just random "triggers", mentioning things that happened years ago etc. Like his mind is stuck on a loop. He has a psychiatrist and therapist but he doesn't talk to them. He may spend 5 minutes every two weeks with them. Maybe that's a sign he isn't connecting with them or maybe he can't express what's going on. I'm just not sure. He is level 1 autistic but I would bet if he were evauled today, if not having psychotic symptoms, that he is more level 2 on an emotional and behavioral level. He was in college 15 months ago, when this began. He's been on a break since., Thank you, He has a Pyschatrist who prescribes meds but the meds just don't seem to be doing enough. Or maybe because he has no diagnosis, he isn't on the right meds. His meds were changed about a month ago and he exhibits some poor responses, aggression for one. He is off those meds now and started a new one this week., Oh wow that is scary too. May I ask how you knew it was the meds? I ask because I wonder if that may be some of what's going on with my son too. The US apparently lacks in understanding and support of autism. I was told intensive outpatient wouldn't be an option because he has actively having hallucinations and because he likely wouldn't participate in group therapy because as being autistic that is difficult. We have zero resources outside a psychiatrist and therapist, whom he sees virtually 2x a month. It's not enough and he isn't connecting with them, he doesn't tell them much., So far every psychiatrist he has seen said it was too acute for a mental illness and suspect something else.is going on. I think he may have psychotic depression or some dissociative disorder and ptsd. He has memory gaps, talks about various things he experienced in cbild hood, is triggered by people and even our house (he said he wants to move). Sometimes when he is at the hospital, which is generally on the medical unit not behavioral, it's like he gets better and then he comes home and it starts again after a few weeks. He says he hear voices everyday., How soon can he see his doctor? Does the doctor speak to you, as well?, Do you know which meds he is on? The only approved medications for autism are Abilify and Risperdal. These are both atypical antipsychotics that should treat psychosis too. Psych medications take weeks or months to fully kick in. If he is on a new medication, it might take a while to work. Please talk to your doctor about this., The UK lacks support terribly too. My son has autism and ADHD so was put on ritalin. As soon as he started it he slowly started seeing things, things out the corner of his eyes. That progressed and it took me awhile to think of it's the med. He was seeing and hearing tings and also paranoia. Then his ADHD nurse went off sick and the replacement ghosted us. So I weaned him off the med myself. When he finally got seen they said ritalin can do that but usually in people who are bipolar. We are still waiting on proper assesment for bipolar. Also still waiting for talking therapy to start. Our mental health service is a fight for bare minimum support, I am at all his appointments. We are in touch with his doctor. My son is in the hospital now. He has been there for 5 days now in the ER waiting for a bed at any accepting facility but so far everyone has denied him because of autism., He has been on Risperidal 2mg twice daily. He has been on Risperidal since June 2023. In January he started Abilify and six weeks into it and two dosage increases, he changed. He became emotional disregulated, very angry and was aggressive a few times in the last month. Before the hallucinations began 15 months ago, he was on no medications. He did come off Abilify and as of this week on Depakote 250mg and Risperidal is now 1mg three times a day. He also started 5mg Lexapro this week.., Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It's just not right that this community is not adequately supported. My son has been in ER waiting for 5 days and no place will admit him because of autism. It's not right. They go through things too. I'm going to do my bed to get his story out there . I've already sent letters to legislation. No family should have tonfight this hard for the bare minimum, Did he go on these medications because of psychosis, or did the psychosis appear after he started taking meds? Definitely get him diagnosed. It will help later, especially if you need to file for conservatorship. Chlorpromazine sometimes helps people who are resistant to other antipsychotics. If your child has a diagnosis of schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder, it will be easier to get. But like I said, his new medications may take some time to fully kick in., My son got one night in the psyche ward but they put him in a busy ward with one extremely volatile patient. So of course he was begging me to get him out the next day. It was not neurodivergent friendly at all, Does he have outpatient care? Is he compliant with taking prescribed medication? Is he an *immediate* danger to himself or to others?, I have no advice. I’m so sorry about this situation. Hugs coming your way, Can you convince him to see a psychiatrist? If he goes on medication, he could see improvement after weeks, he may even be free of symptoms completely. If he is not an immediate danger to himself and others, it is more difficult for him to be placed on psychiatric hold., My 18 year old got Psychosis from ADHD meds so it calmed down when they were stopped. He does seem things when very stressed. Maybe check out the state hospital, if it's not suitable for neurodivergent's then try get intensive outpatient treatment. I'm in UK so things work different I guess depending where you live, Hopefully he does not get a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but these resources may be helpful given the psychosis diagnosis. Podcast: Schizophrenia: Three Moms in the Trenches and this book: [https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H](https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H), He has an outpatient psychiatrist whom he only sees virtually. I've been trying to find someone else for another opinion, that specializes in autism. He takes medication, he is complaint with them, no issues there. His meds were recently changed and they threw him off big time. Significant mood changes and he became aggressive. Prior to the med changes, he had a handful of episodes in the last 15 months were he was really agitated and he would hit, like a child swats and hits but nonetheless that still hurts and is scary. 95% of the time no aggression. But I feel it could escalated the more he is in psychosis. I think he is heavily dissociating, he exhibits ptsd symptoms like memory gaps, just random "triggers", mentioning things that happened years ago etc. Like his mind is stuck on a loop. He has a psychiatrist and therapist but he doesn't talk to them. He may spend 5 minutes every two weeks with them. Maybe that's a sign he isn't connecting with them or maybe he can't express what's going on. I'm just not sure. He is level 1 autistic but I would bet if he were evauled today, if not having psychotic symptoms, that he is more level 2 on an emotional and behavioral level. He was in college 15 months ago, when this began. He's been on a break since., Thank you, He has a Pyschatrist who prescribes meds but the meds just don't seem to be doing enough. Or maybe because he has no diagnosis, he isn't on the right meds. His meds were changed about a month ago and he exhibits some poor responses, aggression for one. He is off those meds now and started a new one this week., Oh wow that is scary too. May I ask how you knew it was the meds? I ask because I wonder if that may be some of what's going on with my son too. The US apparently lacks in understanding and support of autism. I was told intensive outpatient wouldn't be an option because he has actively having hallucinations and because he likely wouldn't participate in group therapy because as being autistic that is difficult. We have zero resources outside a psychiatrist and therapist, whom he sees virtually 2x a month. It's not enough and he isn't connecting with them, he doesn't tell them much., So far every psychiatrist he has seen said it was too acute for a mental illness and suspect something else.is going on. I think he may have psychotic depression or some dissociative disorder and ptsd. He has memory gaps, talks about various things he experienced in cbild hood, is triggered by people and even our house (he said he wants to move). Sometimes when he is at the hospital, which is generally on the medical unit not behavioral, it's like he gets better and then he comes home and it starts again after a few weeks. He says he hear voices everyday., How soon can he see his doctor? Does the doctor speak to you, as well?, Do you know which meds he is on? The only approved medications for autism are Abilify and Risperdal. These are both atypical antipsychotics that should treat psychosis too. Psych medications take weeks or months to fully kick in. If he is on a new medication, it might take a while to work. Please talk to your doctor about this., The UK lacks support terribly too. My son has autism and ADHD so was put on ritalin. As soon as he started it he slowly started seeing things, things out the corner of his eyes. That progressed and it took me awhile to think of it's the med. He was seeing and hearing tings and also paranoia. Then his ADHD nurse went off sick and the replacement ghosted us. So I weaned him off the med myself. When he finally got seen they said ritalin can do that but usually in people who are bipolar. We are still waiting on proper assesment for bipolar. Also still waiting for talking therapy to start. Our mental health service is a fight for bare minimum support, I am at all his appointments. We are in touch with his doctor. My son is in the hospital now. He has been there for 5 days now in the ER waiting for a bed at any accepting facility but so far everyone has denied him because of autism., He has been on Risperidal 2mg twice daily. He has been on Risperidal since June 2023. In January he started Abilify and six weeks into it and two dosage increases, he changed. He became emotional disregulated, very angry and was aggressive a few times in the last month. Before the hallucinations began 15 months ago, he was on no medications. He did come off Abilify and as of this week on Depakote 250mg and Risperidal is now 1mg three times a day. He also started 5mg Lexapro this week.., Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It's just not right that this community is not adequately supported. My son has been in ER waiting for 5 days and no place will admit him because of autism. It's not right. They go through things too. I'm going to do my bed to get his story out there . I've already sent letters to legislation. No family should have tonfight this hard for the bare minimum, Did he go on these medications because of psychosis, or did the psychosis appear after he started taking meds? Definitely get him diagnosed. It will help later, especially if you need to file for conservatorship. Chlorpromazine sometimes helps people who are resistant to other antipsychotics. If your child has a diagnosis of schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder, it will be easier to get. But like I said, his new medications may take some time to fully kick in., My son got one night in the psyche ward but they put him in a busy ward with one extremely volatile patient. So of course he was begging me to get him out the next day. It was not neurodivergent friendly at all, Does he have outpatient care? Is he compliant with taking prescribed medication? Is he an *immediate* danger to himself or to others?, I have no advice. I’m so sorry about this situation. Hugs coming your way, Can you convince him to see a psychiatrist? If he goes on medication, he could see improvement after weeks, he may even be free of symptoms completely. If he is not an immediate danger to himself and others, it is more difficult for him to be placed on psychiatric hold., My 18 year old got Psychosis from ADHD meds so it calmed down when they were stopped. He does seem things when very stressed. Maybe check out the state hospital, if it's not suitable for neurodivergent's then try get intensive outpatient treatment. I'm in UK so things work different I guess depending where you live, Hopefully he does not get a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but these resources may be helpful given the psychosis diagnosis. Podcast: Schizophrenia: Three Moms in the Trenches and this book: [https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H](https://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenia-Related-Disorders-Handbook-Caregivers/dp/B0CQMM889H), He has an outpatient psychiatrist whom he only sees virtually. I've been trying to find someone else for another opinion, that specializes in autism. He takes medication, he is complaint with them, no issues there. His meds were recently changed and they threw him off big time. Significant mood changes and he became aggressive. Prior to the med changes, he had a handful of episodes in the last 15 months were he was really agitated and he would hit, like a child swats and hits but nonetheless that still hurts and is scary. 95% of the time no aggression. But I feel it could escalated the more he is in psychosis. I think he is heavily dissociating, he exhibits ptsd symptoms like memory gaps, just random "triggers", mentioning things that happened years ago etc. Like his mind is stuck on a loop. He has a psychiatrist and therapist but he doesn't talk to them. He may spend 5 minutes every two weeks with them. Maybe that's a sign he isn't connecting with them or maybe he can't express what's going on. I'm just not sure. He is level 1 autistic but I would bet if he were evauled today, if not having psychotic symptoms, that he is more level 2 on an emotional and behavioral level. He was in college 15 months ago, when this began. He's been on a break since., Thank you, He has a Pyschatrist who prescribes meds but the meds just don't seem to be doing enough. Or maybe because he has no diagnosis, he isn't on the right meds. His meds were changed about a month ago and he exhibits some poor responses, aggression for one. He is off those meds now and started a new one this week., Oh wow that is scary too. May I ask how you knew it was the meds? I ask because I wonder if that may be some of what's going on with my son too. The US apparently lacks in understanding and support of autism. I was told intensive outpatient wouldn't be an option because he has actively having hallucinations and because he likely wouldn't participate in group therapy because as being autistic that is difficult. We have zero resources outside a psychiatrist and therapist, whom he sees virtually 2x a month. It's not enough and he isn't connecting with them, he doesn't tell them much., So far every psychiatrist he has seen said it was too acute for a mental illness and suspect something else.is going on. I think he may have psychotic depression or some dissociative disorder and ptsd. He has memory gaps, talks about various things he experienced in cbild hood, is triggered by people and even our house (he said he wants to move). Sometimes when he is at the hospital, which is generally on the medical unit not behavioral, it's like he gets better and then he comes home and it starts again after a few weeks. He says he hear voices everyday., How soon can he see his doctor? Does the doctor speak to you, as well?, Do you know which meds he is on? The only approved medications for autism are Abilify and Risperdal. These are both atypical antipsychotics that should treat psychosis too. Psych medications take weeks or months to fully kick in. If he is on a new medication, it might take a while to work. Please talk to your doctor about this., The UK lacks support terribly too. My son has autism and ADHD so was put on ritalin. As soon as he started it he slowly started seeing things, things out the corner of his eyes. That progressed and it took me awhile to think of it's the med. He was seeing and hearing tings and also paranoia. Then his ADHD nurse went off sick and the replacement ghosted us. So I weaned him off the med myself. When he finally got seen they said ritalin can do that but usually in people who are bipolar. We are still waiting on proper assesment for bipolar. Also still waiting for talking therapy to start. Our mental health service is a fight for bare minimum support, I am at all his appointments. We are in touch with his doctor. My son is in the hospital now. He has been there for 5 days now in the ER waiting for a bed at any accepting facility but so far everyone has denied him because of autism., He has been on Risperidal 2mg twice daily. He has been on Risperidal since June 2023. In January he started Abilify and six weeks into it and two dosage increases, he changed. He became emotional disregulated, very angry and was aggressive a few times in the last month. Before the hallucinations began 15 months ago, he was on no medications. He did come off Abilify and as of this week on Depakote 250mg and Risperidal is now 1mg three times a day. He also started 5mg Lexapro this week.., Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It's just not right that this community is not adequately supported. My son has been in ER waiting for 5 days and no place will admit him because of autism. It's not right. They go through things too. I'm going to do my bed to get his story out there . I've already sent letters to legislation. No family should have tonfight this hard for the bare minimum, Did he go on these medications because of psychosis, or did the psychosis appear after he started taking meds? Definitely get him diagnosed. It will help later, especially if you need to file for conservatorship. Chlorpromazine sometimes helps people who are resistant to other antipsychotics. If your child has a diagnosis of schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder, it will be easier to get. But like I said, his new medications may take some time to fully kick in., My son got one night in the psyche ward but they put him in a busy ward with one extremely volatile patient. So of course he was begging me to get him out the next day. It was not neurodivergent friendly at all

Autistic baby/toddler proofing?

Not yet diagnosed, waiting to be evaluated, however we are in early intervention. I have a 2.5 year old that is very physically advanced in size and ability (climbing especially). Lately he's been standing on window sills and he bangs on them a lot. He has 2 windows in his bedroom (that he shares with little brother) one window we covered with plywood. The one we covered is literally on the floor (2nd floor, we have the slanted ceilings so wall space was limited I guess) and I'm happy we did as he'd kick the hell out of it and he definitely would have broken it and hurt himself. We can't do that to the other, however as 1. It's a fire safety issue, 2. We need a window unit air conditioner. I cannot find any type of window guard that is meant to accommodate an air conditioner and we are struggling to figure out a solution. Any ideas or things we can look into? The room is really small, realistically way too small for both kids but while we're working on moving, finances are tight.

We put a safety film on all our windows. It helps prevent breaking a little but mostly it just keeps it from shattering and huring your kid. Not exactly a solution but a small step towards safety. We also put plywood on all our windows that reach the ground, or for one we built a gate thing so we can still see through (it basically looks like a fence railing)., We put a safety film on all our windows. It helps prevent breaking a little but mostly it just keeps it from shattering and huring your kid. Not exactly a solution but a small step towards safety. We also put plywood on all our windows that reach the ground, or for one we built a gate thing so we can still see through (it basically looks like a fence railing)., We put a safety film on all our windows. It helps prevent breaking a little but mostly it just keeps it from shattering and huring your kid. Not exactly a solution but a small step towards safety. We also put plywood on all our windows that reach the ground, or for one we built a gate thing so we can still see through (it basically looks like a fence railing)., We put a safety film on all our windows. It helps prevent breaking a little but mostly it just keeps it from shattering and huring your kid. Not exactly a solution but a small step towards safety. We also put plywood on all our windows that reach the ground, or for one we built a gate thing so we can still see through (it basically looks like a fence railing).

Autistic eleven yo seems narcissistic, how do I help him build self esteem so he doesn't have to act like this?

After a day of listening to my nb eleven yo (he/him) brag about himself, comparing himself to others and saying he's the best, and putting down his brothers, it occurred to me to do some research on NPD and autism. Some of the articles compare the two and he does seem to have some actual NPD characteristics. He does take advantage of others (in trades with his brothers I have to watch out the exchange is fair). He is very jealous. He does "punish" us if he wants something and doesn't get it (nasty mood, mean behavior lasting a day or longer). Fantasies that he runs faster than the car, he's stronger than his dad. The big one is that he is very triggered by ego threats. He's too young for an NPD diagnosis and I don't think he's showing extreme signs. But I do think it all points to a very fragile ego and lack of self-esteem, and a weak ability to self soothe. I tried reading advice on what to do but it wasn't helpful. (For example, "Praise him when he does something kind." We do that! Every time!) I talked to his therapist about it yesterday so she's aware it's something he needs help with. I'm wondering if people here have ideas beyond the obvious ("Sit down calmly and explain his behavior is hurtful." We do that! A lot!) What I need is some concrete activities I can do to help him build self esteem. Why his self esteem is so thin I don't know. It's so upsetting to think about. We always adored him and I'm betting if we're to blame for this it's because we treated him as special for a long time. Until his brother was born he was the center of our lives. He was very upset when his brother was born and I'm sure it really upended things for him even though we didn't want him to feel pushed aside. But just the nature of having two instead of one meant he wasn't the focus all the time. He was three. Anyway, he gets a lot of attention and praise, as well as boundaries and redirection, so I really don't think we're missing the basics. Does anyone have suggestions for building self esteem that will become more rooted in him without constant external validation? Also how do I help him learn how to better self soothe?

Have you considered putting him in martial arts? I know a few people (non ASD) who used martial arts to gain self esteem and worked wonders., Have you thought about therapy for your son? NPD is a complex psychological disorder; increasing your son’s self/esteem may be only part of what he needs. Rather than guessing at a reason for his behavior, evaluation and treatment by a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist may be the best option for your son, long-term., [deleted], Hmm, it sounds like you are doing all the right things… Is he a perfectionist by any chance..?, hi i know this is old! but may i ask if you have family members who have significant levels of narcissism or an NPD diagnosis?, Don't you think this is his way of displaying genuine, high self-esteem ?, He was in a class for little guys when he was four but at the time he couldn't handle it (he wasn't diagnosed yet and we were pretty lost in figuring out what worked). But it's not a bad idea to try again. He's involved in circus classes and does shows. I'll look into the local judo place. I do have to say there's a risk of him using what he learns to hurt his brothers, though. He hurts them sometimes., He's in therapy. I talked to his therapist about my concerns about his competitiveness and related self esteem issues two days ago., Thank you for your support and reassuring words. I am definitely hoping this is age related although a lot of this stuff has been going on since he was three which is what makes me think the thing that damaged his self esteem (I'm not entirely comfortable framing it that way but I also don't want to be dismissive) was the birth of his brother. I remember feeling like he totally changed. I was very upset about it and missed who he was, but figured he'd just started the threenager phase and didn't look any further., I don't know that I would describe him that way. He doesn't get concerned about perfection with his drawing, for instance, which is important to him. He does get upset when his stuff gets moved or there's a mess in a location he feels ownership over but it's not perfectionism so much as wanting order., Hi! No diagnosed NPD. There's some indication of narcissism among his grandparents on both sides. None of the malice you see sometimes. Some manipulative behavior, punishing behavior when thwarted. Jealousy and thin self esteem., Maybe. It's just that the slightest criticism really upsets him. I told him at the beginning of summer that he was going to have a week of lessons to make him a stronger swimmer and he was furious that I said, to his ears, that he was a weak swimmer. He is still, two months later, asking me every time we go swimming if I see how strong he is a swimmer. Last time he wanted me to say he was the strongest swimmer in the world (I said Michael Phelps was)., Ok, I don't really have any great advice then :-( Maybe giving him a bigger sense of control in general can help, if that is something that stresses him out - but you and his therapist probably have that covered. We have generally been using Ross Greenes methods for our kid which I can also recommend. Good luck!, Thank you, I'll look into that!

Autistic toddler and tantrum starting literally overnight.

I have a 2 and a half year old toddler who is non-verbal autistic. Up until about maybe 4 days ago he was the happiest go lucky toddler you’d ever meet. No tantrums/meltdowns, etc. Now I know anything and everything when it comes to allowing your children to watch cocomelon. Yes the frames per second are not good cognitively for toddlers ESPECIALLY when it comes to autistic children. Up until the past 4 days my autistic son tolerated Daniel tiger but still loved cocomelon. Suddenly now he is non stop crying…no, screaming when cocomelon isn’t playing. It could even be because Netflix is asking if “are you still watching this program” even that sends him into a spiraling meltdown. The only time he is ok with something else being on the tv is if he’s in mom and dads room (mom or dad MUST be in the same room as him) he’ll sit there and watch court shows with mama and watch daddy play his video games. Now the only time cocomelon doesn’t keep him calm is if he’s at the table eating and I’m not in his line of sight, not even cocomelon can cure that meltdown. I know my baby is special and there is no book when it comes to autistic children, hell there’s not a book made for parents of children without autism. But somebody out there has to have some relative issue…right? Rude and irrelevant comments will be ignored and or deleted, depends on if I give two shits about said comment, lol.

Two thoughts: 1) Regardless of your 2-year-old’s disability, you are the parent. If your toddler is glued to Netflix for extended periods of time to the point that he’s prompted with the “Are you still watching?” message, that’s *entirely* too much screen time. You know this, yet it sounds like you, your partner, and your little one are escaping into separate worlds even when you’re physically in the same room. I understand the temptation, but no 2-year-old, and *particularly* not one on the spectrum needs to be parked in front of a TV screen and essentially ignored for hours at a time. What needs to be happening is plenty of hands-on play and exploration, time spent outdoors, an hour or more a day of being read to (by a parent, not a device), and constant efforts at narration and dialogue as to promote speech development as he “helps” you prepare meals, clean the house, during bath time, etc. 2) Is he teething or is there possibly some other underlying medical problem going on, e.g. digestive issues? He could be experiencing discomfort but temporarily distracted from it due to the sensory overload of massive amounts of screen time. As to your comment about there being “no books” that teach you how to parent a child on the spectrum, in fact there are. Hundreds of them. Every child is unique and autism manifests differently in each individual, but this is still your child and there are universal best practices that don’t include abdicating your responsibility to parent and letting a 2-year-old decide how he wants to raise himself., I’m going to have to go with pain as well. That always makes my little guy act “funny.” And like always, once the symptoms show up, I have the “well, duh! Should have realized!” moment. Since he’s making sure to keep you or dad around, there is definitely something bothering him. Keep your eyes and ears open. Is he having normal bowel movements? Touching his ears a lot? Loud and/or mouth breathing? But if nothing else, a little Motrin can’t hurt. If he starts acting happy again, then it is definitely pain related., So one thing that I noticed is a lot of people say that they go through the terrible twos with their kiddos. My four-year-old who's also autistic I feel has just hit those terrible twos. I have a 7-year-old as well. And those terrible twos lasted nearly two and a half or three years. Random tantrums for no reason. Screaming in the middle of the night, an explosive unprovoked behavior. Well we found out is the fact that he has a personality, he knows exactly what he wants and what he doesn't like. The issue that they ran into was that because they do not understand how to communicate their needs, they get frustrated and throw the tantrum and scream. It's really difficult for them to focus on multiple things at a time and they're so overwhelmed with all the different sensations going on. It really is a struggle. And this is where he need the most patience and understanding. Best wishes, Yikes, way too sanctimonious, You don’t know what is or isn’t “entirely too much” screen time. Also there definitely isn’t any “universal best practices” to parenting. Pretty insane to say stuff like that with a straight face actually. Don’t like idea of new parents coming here for help and being spoken to like this. Just for any noobies reading this, despite this posters confidence, she doesn’t really know what the hell she’s doing either., He’s been to the Drs at least on 3 different occasions because he constantly has his hands glued to his ears wether he’s happy or not. No ear infection, bowel movements are normal, no fever, etc. he’s a healthy baby. This literally seemed to happen over night. I’m thinking he’s just gotten to that tantrum stage and now is the time for patience more than ever. We’ll get thru it! We’ve been working a lot on simple signage too which should eventually help more when he gets worked up., I’ve been just trying to ground myself when he gets like that. Obviously I still get frustrated but I’m trying to talk him thru what he’s feeling show him there are other ways to show me he wants something and when he doesn’t. It’s ok to cry but once we get that feeling out we gotta move on from there. He gets himself so worked up in his rage that he’ll start to hiccup and then throw up so at the very least I’m letting him have his emotions you know but trying to help him regulate it in a way that doesn’t send him into a complete rage and a complete puke fest 😓 best wishes to you and your beautiful family ❤️, Hmmmm ☹️. I hope it gets easier soon! ❤️, It will! It’s a learning process and I’m not here to fail. ❤️❤️ I’ll do what it takes to help this amazing little boy thrive as much as he possibly can. ❤️

Avoiding my NT niece and I feel guilty

My twin sister has a daughter 8 months younger than my non verbal 2 year old daughter. I have been avoiding seeing them because it is so painful to see how far behind my niece my daughter is. She is learning new words daily and on video chat tonight she was naming all our family members, my daughter doesn't even say "mama" or "dada" it felt like a dagger right in my heart. I feel guilty for avoiding my sweet niece but it's just so painful. Probably doesnt help that my sister is NT while I have ADHD and was constantly compared to her growing up and now this. Anyone been in a similar situation? How did you cope?

That neice will become your baby’s best friend and best advocate. Let those babies be around each other as much as possible. The grief you feel for the child you never will have is very real, but so is the love and comfort you will get from your family., I have a 3 yo ASD and a 2 year NT. I’m watching my 2 year old hit milestones we never thought about with 3 y/o, but here’s the thing- each kid is their own. Comparison will only bring bad feelings and make you miss out or diminish the accomplishments. And mine are great friends. The older one is actually de facto training the younger one to potty and the younger one is spurring language development in the older one. Celebrate your child as an individual and be happy for others. Progress and achievement looks different from child to child., My twin sister and I had sons 12 days apart. Hers is NT mine is autistic and non speaking. They are 4.5. It is soul crushing. I wish I could say it gets easier. Never has for me., You will come around but you need more time. Don't beat yourself up over this one., Hi I’m sorry your going through that! I find myself in this position from time to time to with my nieces. We literally were on a family vacation last month and I broke out into tears in the middle of the vacation because of it. My child is 5 and one of my nieces is 3 months younger than my son. Her mom literally smoked weed her whole pregnancy and my niece came out perfectly fine and probably is more advanced than most kids her age. It’s really painful to see sometimes because when they are side by side you can see the differences in how far “behind” my little one is. Over the years as I learn to accept and embrace the diagnosis the easier it becomes however I still sometimes have trouble with it every now and then. I find talking about it, being on this sub, and embracing the diagnosis helps a lot though. Time also helps. It gets easier as time goes by. I wish you and your family the best ♥️, The more time passes the more comfortable we get in these situations. If it’s too much now it’s ok. Just explain the situation to your twin so she understands. People don’t understand what we’re dealing with unless we tell them, then they still don’t really understand but maybe a little more., I totally understand this feeling. My son and nephew are a month a part (my son being older), and i feel like i mourn the life we could've had every time i see them. BUT the reason that i try to stay away is because my nephew tends to purposely trigger my son. I have to keep eyes on them at all times, and its exhausting, especially cause my son does not know how to defend himself and is nonverbal. I guess talking from my experience, i would bring them more around depending on their relationship and how your daughter feels around her cousin, but like another user posted here hopefully they grow up to be true companions cuz family will always be around. Good luck and you're not alone., It will be sad wherever you go to see the huge difference in abilities, you can't avoid this everywhere tou go so I think keep them.close so they can be friends My friend has a child similar age to my nd son and yeah the difference is night and day but they play together he is included they love each other as friends despite his disability. Don't cut yourself off from people, I just got an autism diagnosis for my 2 year old yesterday but I’ve pretty much known since birth. She’s had sensory issues since day 1. My niece is 6 weeks older than my daughter and is a child prodigy. She speaks in full sentences and has a memory that is better than a lot of adults. I hate getting together with her because it is soul crushing seeing the differences in them. I don’t know how to get over it. I have no advice, just saying you’re not alone in this., I get it. Our niece is 11 months old than our girl. It’s hard., This is hard and I want to make space for that because your feelings are real and valid. But this also happened to me, so I wanted to speak up. My SIL has always kept her distance from us. My oldest is only 1 month older than my nephew. My nephew had global delays as a baby and toddler and I know it was hard for her to be around my son who was hitting milestones, often early. But now the boys are 7. They have no relationship with each other. I barely know my nephew. She finally shared his ASD diagnosis with us when he was 5, but it’s clear that she doesn’t share the whole story with us to this day. And that’s her right. But it hurts my heart because I so badly want to have a relationship with my nephew and it feels like I can’t. Let your kiddos have a relationship! Let your family be a part of your life! Don’t push people away. I know it hurts. But it’s worth pushing through it to build a great support system for yourself and your kiddo. And the crazy thing about neurodivergency is, here I am on this sub for my 7 year old. The same one mentioned above who hit all his milestones early went on to be diagnosed with ADHD and now we’re looking into ASD as well. My kiddo who is the polar opposite of my nephew in every way and yet may end up being diagnosed with the same thing. So my point is that all that glitters is not golden. Allow people to hear your stories and you’ll come to find that they often have struggles and stories of their own. Maybe not the same exact ones, but important ones all the same. That’s what family is for - to support each other through the good times and the hard times! But we have to let them in first., My husband and I did the same exact thing between the ages of 2-3. My son is almost 4. it was just TOO hard to see other kids. Social media was already throwing it in your face enough that your kid was way behind. Autism is SO emotional. You are allowed to grieve and you will have feelings of guilt for grieving a life you envisioned. Take your time. You may need to step away often and let the tears flow, even in public. We started small by following autism families online and attending autism friendly local events. We became familiar with autism and therapies available so we always knew we were doing everything we could for him. He has amazing therapists that have taught us so much. This has allowed us to teach others about autism and feel more confident when out with him. We are more comfortable seeing family and friends and letting them see how amazing, loving and sweet our son is. We allow all the happy stimming and comfort items he needs. But this took time. I felt just like you. It feels a little better now. I still have bad days. But it’s totally normal. Sending so much love 🤍, Everyone will try to give you a million reasons why you shouldn’t avoid your niece but I say do whatever makes you feel good because this life is already very hard on us., I agree with the comments on here. Try your best not to let this keep you away. The more they hang out together the more your niece can be a friend and advocate for your daughter. It’s just as important for her to be around your daughter as your daughter is to be around her. Try your best not to compare. I know it’s SO HARD. I still struggle at time but there is so much power in just owning the diagnosis and delays. You can’t look into the future, but you could really regret not spending more time with family. You haven’t done anything wrong by your daughter, it’s just the hand you were dealt and your family will hopefully/likely be super supportive of that., It’s absolutely upsetting. The one thing I find that makes things more tolerable are the moments my son learns something from the NT child. Another child communicates at a child’s level and surprisingly enough they do learn from their peers. Sometimes they run around and giggle, my son isn’t leading the way but to see him happily interacting is great. It still is crazy how far ahead the other children are but it so good for him., I have been there. My cousin has two NT boys about a year older and a year younger than my son. After my son was diagnosed it was really difficult for me to spend time in their presence. I would go to extreme lengths to basically sit at the opposite the opposite end of wherever we were together and I’d look for excuses to avoid meeting up. For me this went on maybe 8 months. To their credit, both my cousin and the rest of our family seemed to understand and no one faulted me for it. Eventually I came to understand that I was really only hurting myself and my son. These were some of the only kids his age he regularly could see outside school and therapy. My NT daughter also loves them a lot. I had to tell myself it’s not their fault my son is autistic. Since reembracing them, my cousin has shown tremendous support for me and my son and her sons are understanding of him and look to include him. My son has shown increased interest in interacting with them as well. It’s still bittersweet to be around them all sometimes but ultimately I have learned it is better for us both to have them., I can empathize. My oldest child is a year younger than my nephew. It was hard when they were little. They're 8 and 9 now. My nephew is so good with my boys. It took a while - he didn't understand when he was younger - but it's been important for both sides. From what you've detailed about your own upbringing, I suspect there was an element of favoritism in the family, with your sister ranking above you. Are you worried this might happen again - with your parents? That your sister will compare and leave your family feeling less than? I will say it's tough because not every family is the same. My brother will tell me about the big things in my nephew's life, but he's not a braggart. He knows it's hurtful. On the other hand... That's how my husband's sister is. Her response to learning my children are autistic was a lengthy email bragging about how smart and talkative her children were. I distanced myself. A close relationship can be great, provided it's supportive - I've learned how to better manage my own negative feelings, but a relationship where someone seems to be intentionally rubbing your face in it is a no-go for me., My NT daughter tells me that she wishes my son can play with her and it feels exactly the same way. You should try to see if perhaps they’ll parallel play and maybe even like the same kid videos. The idea is to at least bring them together to form a bond. I was in your place at one time. My son’s progress seemed like he would never talk. Now he can list all of the family members he loves and all 50 states in alphabetical order. I wish your baby the best and just please have hope and be the best advocate you can be for your child., I could have written this exact post. I’m so sorry you have to feel this too, I have autism myself, As a mom of a 32yr.old profoundly autistic man… I remember feeling that way around my family with children. If I had it to do all over again I would have not missed an event however we can only handle so much coming at us as parents. Hang in there, Aww hun, I’ve been there. Ex sister-in-law had the golden child grand baby. My niece was very bright and socially alert. Enter my two non-verbal children. I know the EXACT sting you speak of. I can’t say that it will stop either. My son is now 15 and my niece is 20. Throughout the years I’ve felt that sting with her academic successes, her social growth having best friends, her first drivers license, first bf, college, first job. All things I know my kids won’t do/have. I’ve even found myself jealous of her mom sometimes. “How lovely to have a birthed a perfect child!” I would never say it but I’ve thought it 😕 My niece is currently stressing out about her college work and clientele, she’s freaked out about driving in the city (understandably they live in a huge city) with the BMW she was given. She’s dating a med student that the family warns her to “not fuck up” meanwhile she’s a mess about her body image and her parents are racist trump supporters- she’s half Hispanic. My son looks at himself in the mirror with that child like acceptance and pride. He has no stress or concerns about work, driving, or managing social relationships. He speaks and even has sarcasm and helps others out. He has some online friends and spends his time making art. He claims to be very happy! Turns out “perfect” is subjective. Also don’t be so sure about what your daughter will/won’t be capable of. She’s just a late bloomer but when they bloom 🤯 My two threw me some major curveballs., Thats a great point! And another reason I need to suck it up and get them together!, Yes this. I absolutely get how it makes you feel and that is completely normal. But give the kids a chance to be friends. In our case we realized that kids my child is related to are much more loving and understanding than adults. They can be very helpful too in developing social skills, Yes absolutely! I think it will totally get to the point of acceptance maybe I'm just in a grieving period right now? But you're reply is very true!, Omg that's so hard, I'm so sorry!, Thank you❤, I'm so sorry to hear you relate but glad I'm not alone! I'm curious, what sensory issues did you notice that early?, Thank you😭❤, No babe it’s not about sucking it up at all. What you feel is very real and it’s difficult to explain. I’ve been where you are, my daughter is 10 and that pain comes in waves, but I made the conscious decision to allow my family to see what it takes to raise my daughter and teach them how to help me raise her too. You are not alone, and your niece will grow to learn how to support your baby and your baby will teach your niece priceless life lessons about compassion and acceptance. One thing to keep in mind is this: your baby can’t do those things now, but you can’t speak about the future. God is so great , he’s made miracles happen in our lives and I know he will do the same for you. Hugs xoxo, I have 2 kids an 8 year old ND son no and a 5year old NT daughter. The best thing ever for my son was playing with my daughter. He learned and still does learn so much from her. So just kinda saying I agree with the other poster. Let them hang out and play and learn from each other., I think the grief is cyclical. You go through periods when it is better and low level and then you cycle back to grieving because of some trigger- seeing the cousin reach new milestones can be a trigger. In our case it was helpful to allow the grandparents get the kids together so they could bond without us. The. grieving was less when we were away from seeing them together if we were going through a tough stage. The comparisons are tough even when you hear about them from grandparents, My daughter could never handle being restrained in any way. Like, my son LOVED the bouncy chairs and I utilized them always to take a shower, do laundry, cook, ect. My daughter would scream in it and hated it, even if it wasn’t turned on. She also hates car seats and would scream for any length of time in the car. I spent thousands of dollars trying out different car seats. Strollers too, it’s a no go. She won’t wear socks, or hats or gloves. Even as a newborn she figured out how to kick socks off. I also breastfed and still am at 25 months old. She was always cluster feeding and still prefers breastfeeding to any food. But as a baby she had to constantly be latched on to me but would never take a pacifier. She can’t wear a bib either. Diaper changes are always a fight too. In hindsight the cluster feeding was sensory and not developmentally normal. It’s been a wild ride for sure. I feel validated by this diagnosis but it’s also heartbreaking. I fought for this because her pediatrician didn’t see any issues but thankfully have the proper referrals when I begged for them. She’s been in early intervention since 18 months old., So true! Thank you for your kind words ❤, I couldn’t have put it better myself. It is so hard, especially the first couple of times initially if you’ve been putting it off. Soon it becomes more natural feeling. Grieving the child you thought you would have is the most important part of healing IMHO. When my son was two I felt the exact same way. Afraid of putting him with NT kids and seeing the huge difference. After lots of time with other kids now I can happily tell you he is 3 years old (still nonverbal) but the dust has mostly somewhat settled. Ive become less sensitive about it, and I’ve learned most nt toddlers aren’t hyper fixated on my sons shortcomings. They still try to play and include him for the most part

Awkward Question

So I plan to ask my son’s therapist about this, but she’s very hard to get ahold of outside of when we meet for his session, and I don’t want to ask this in front of him. And I also don’t know what’s normal 8yo behavior and don’t want to make a big deal about something that’s not a big deal, but I don’t remember saying this kind of stuff as a kid, so I’m confused on what’s going on. My son is 8yo, level 1. Also has anxiety & ADHD. He’s on an anxiety med and Concerta. He’s our oldest kid so we sometimes struggle with knowing what’s normal 8yo stuff versus what’s autism stuff versus what’s neither. He seems like he has PDA and sometimes likes to say things that are strange or uncomfortable (make jokes about a loved one dying, that kind of thing) I’m guessing because he can sense that’s “not allowed”/not appreciated and that makes him want to do it. So my awkward question is he also will sometimes say confusing stuff about his 1yo little sister. For example, he’ll say he wants to marry her one day (this seems in the realm of normal kid stuff). If we say something like, “haha that’s not allowed, she’ll always be your sister and so you’ll get to marry someone else one day! Like someone you have a crush on and want to smoochy-kiss.” (He knows that phrase from Bluey.) But he’ll usually double down that he does have a crush on her and he does want to smoochy kiss her. And I usually just change the topic or say, “nope, you’ll see. You’ll have a crush one day and that’s a different kind of feeling than what you feel toward 1yo.” But again he doubles down on “no I do have a crush on (girl classmate he talks about) but I also have a crush on 1yo!” I can’t tell if this is his PDA making him say stuff he can tell is taboo, or if he genuinely has crush-like feelings for his baby sister. I remember having a crush on a classmate as an 8yo and I never would’ve thought to say I also had a crush on my toddler brother at the time. But maybe he doesn’t understand what a crush is? Or is just letting his PDA get the best of him? Anyone else have experience with this? I mostly think he’s just confused or being contrarian, but I’m also a bit nervous to hear him insist that he has a crush on the 1yo.

When I was a kid I used to tell my mom I was going to marry her when I grew up. I didn’t marry her. Thank goodness. I think he’s probably just expressing his affection. People who love each other get married, so the logic behind “I want to marry her” meaning “I just love her so much” isn’t too big of a stretch. I’d try redirecting those comments, like if he says he wants to marry her maybe you can say “it sounds like you really love your sister!” and see if that’s something he might say instead., I used to say that I wanted to marry my dad and brother when I was a kid. I don't think that's an issue because it's probably just love, and at that age I feel like you don't get what marriage is. However, if there were any other weird and inappropriate things being said, then maybe reevaluate. If you start to notice any concerning actions, then that's different. But to say "I want to marry my sister" at that age may just be him saying he loves her., Thanks for the responses. Like I said in the post, I know it’s pretty normal for kids to say they want to marry their parent or sibling. What was confusing to me is the times that I don’t ignore it & will clarify, “no, marrying is for someone you have a crush on, want to smoochy kiss,” he will insist he does have a crush on 1yo, want to smoochy kiss her, etc. But I guess just assume it’s normal and keep an eye on it 🤷🏻‍♀️, A good phrase I’ve found for the marrying people questions is “you marry someone to make them a part of your family.” Bypasses the awkward public conversations lol, I love the new phrase response “it sounds like you really love your sister.” That is perfect., When I was a kid I used to tell my mom I was going to marry her when I grew up. I didn’t marry her. Thank goodness. I think he’s probably just expressing his affection. People who love each other get married, so the logic behind “I want to marry her” meaning “I just love her so much” isn’t too big of a stretch. I’d try redirecting those comments, like if he says he wants to marry her maybe you can say “it sounds like you really love your sister!” and see if that’s something he might say instead., I used to say that I wanted to marry my dad and brother when I was a kid. I don't think that's an issue because it's probably just love, and at that age I feel like you don't get what marriage is. However, if there were any other weird and inappropriate things being said, then maybe reevaluate. If you start to notice any concerning actions, then that's different. But to say "I want to marry my sister" at that age may just be him saying he loves her., Thanks for the responses. Like I said in the post, I know it’s pretty normal for kids to say they want to marry their parent or sibling. What was confusing to me is the times that I don’t ignore it & will clarify, “no, marrying is for someone you have a crush on, want to smoochy kiss,” he will insist he does have a crush on 1yo, want to smoochy kiss her, etc. But I guess just assume it’s normal and keep an eye on it 🤷🏻‍♀️, A good phrase I’ve found for the marrying people questions is “you marry someone to make them a part of your family.” Bypasses the awkward public conversations lol, I love the new phrase response “it sounds like you really love your sister.” That is perfect., When I was a kid I used to tell my mom I was going to marry her when I grew up. I didn’t marry her. Thank goodness. I think he’s probably just expressing his affection. People who love each other get married, so the logic behind “I want to marry her” meaning “I just love her so much” isn’t too big of a stretch. I’d try redirecting those comments, like if he says he wants to marry her maybe you can say “it sounds like you really love your sister!” and see if that’s something he might say instead., I used to say that I wanted to marry my dad and brother when I was a kid. I don't think that's an issue because it's probably just love, and at that age I feel like you don't get what marriage is. However, if there were any other weird and inappropriate things being said, then maybe reevaluate. If you start to notice any concerning actions, then that's different. But to say "I want to marry my sister" at that age may just be him saying he loves her., Thanks for the responses. Like I said in the post, I know it’s pretty normal for kids to say they want to marry their parent or sibling. What was confusing to me is the times that I don’t ignore it & will clarify, “no, marrying is for someone you have a crush on, want to smoochy kiss,” he will insist he does have a crush on 1yo, want to smoochy kiss her, etc. But I guess just assume it’s normal and keep an eye on it 🤷🏻‍♀️, A good phrase I’ve found for the marrying people questions is “you marry someone to make them a part of your family.” Bypasses the awkward public conversations lol, I love the new phrase response “it sounds like you really love your sister.” That is perfect., When I was a kid I used to tell my mom I was going to marry her when I grew up. I didn’t marry her. Thank goodness. I think he’s probably just expressing his affection. People who love each other get married, so the logic behind “I want to marry her” meaning “I just love her so much” isn’t too big of a stretch. I’d try redirecting those comments, like if he says he wants to marry her maybe you can say “it sounds like you really love your sister!” and see if that’s something he might say instead., I used to say that I wanted to marry my dad and brother when I was a kid. I don't think that's an issue because it's probably just love, and at that age I feel like you don't get what marriage is. However, if there were any other weird and inappropriate things being said, then maybe reevaluate. If you start to notice any concerning actions, then that's different. But to say "I want to marry my sister" at that age may just be him saying he loves her., Thanks for the responses. Like I said in the post, I know it’s pretty normal for kids to say they want to marry their parent or sibling. What was confusing to me is the times that I don’t ignore it & will clarify, “no, marrying is for someone you have a crush on, want to smoochy kiss,” he will insist he does have a crush on 1yo, want to smoochy kiss her, etc. But I guess just assume it’s normal and keep an eye on it 🤷🏻‍♀️, A good phrase I’ve found for the marrying people questions is “you marry someone to make them a part of your family.” Bypasses the awkward public conversations lol, I love the new phrase response “it sounds like you really love your sister.” That is perfect.

BUBBLE OBSESSED plz advise

Hi parents- my almost 3 year old is obsessed with bubbles. She wants bubbles constantly. We have machines and toys for bubbles. Hours of bubbles and she wants more. She is very sensory seeking and will pour stuff out, throw rocks in water, likes to turn out the lights, and likes to climb under piles of stuffed animals (lol). I am happy to make her happy- but unfortunately tasks of life prevent me from constantly producing bubbles- this is often devastating to her (which is a little funny because she is only 2). Has anyone found a less messy solution than bubbles to make their bubble-obsessed kid happy? We do get OT to learn more about her sensory needs but there has to be a parent out there who has figured out this bubble thing lol.

She sounds adorable 🥰 Could you not set like a bubble time? Like bubble o’clock and have an alarm for it and make a big event out of it with a silly song. Could put it into her routine maybe and have set bubble times a day. Maybe in the bathroom so it’s easier to clean up. Get an interesting looking cheap alarm clock just for bubble time., Target has a bubble blower that looks like a frog, it has been amazing for my kids and many that I work with (I'm an OT)! Many or most 2 yr olds can operate it independently, it doesn't spill, it lasts a long time. I like it because they have to push a button to operate it so you get some finger isolation and strengthening mixed with the joy of bubbles. With weather getting nice outdoor bubbles will keep mess down, or I also like bubbles in the shower/tub (even with no water, give them bubble blower in there and let them blow bubbles, they stick to the walls and are so much fun). But beyond bubbles, balloons are also often joyous for kids who like bubbles and they make silk covers for balloons to make them not a choking hazard. Balloon play also has the added benefit of visual tracking and helping to develop catching skills., My son is 5, he also loves bubbles. We use the often and draw them out into other things. He watches the playtime with tor (YouTube) and sesame street bubble episodes. He pops them, we talk about how they are filled with air and there are many different types of bubbles. We use them whole hes on a trampoline, on our deck, on walks, even at the dentist to help him calm down. It brings him joy, and it's a way we connect. I will second, get a bubble machine. It will make your life a little easier. We still also have bubble wands of all sizes on hand for him too., Just wanna first say it's fantastic that you're seeking ways to accommodate her sensory needs while also managing the demands of everyday life!! She's lucky to have you. \- Maybe you could try incorporating a timer w/ the bubble machine? \- Sensory bins w/ rice, beans, water beads - might give some tactile stimulation if that's what she's looking for \- Water play area (still messy lol) but as long as she's supervised for safety she could pour, splash, explore, etc \- I'm not sure if it would capture her in the same way - have you tried maybe bubble videos/apps? if she's into it could help when bubbles are just not feasible or you need a break from the mess! \- OT may have suggestions too!!, My daughter went through a bubble phase too, there are some apps for bubble popping, fish sensory games and fireworks blasting. I can’t remember the name of the app, but it gave my daughter that same effect she was looking for. My daughter likes seeing the bubbles fall down so anything mimicking that same motion for her to watch was good. Rain stick, medicine dropper and drop water into a bowl, Rice sensory box, water table with measuring cups that she can watch the water pour down. And definitely agree on a bubble machine., Do they like a dehumidifier, the steam usually serves as an acceptable distraction. Bubble tube as well for water and lights., A timer is a great idea. We use a green, yellow, red light timer for our son. It helps him visually understand that time is almost up., She sounds adorable 🥰 Could you not set like a bubble time? Like bubble o’clock and have an alarm for it and make a big event out of it with a silly song. Could put it into her routine maybe and have set bubble times a day. Maybe in the bathroom so it’s easier to clean up. Get an interesting looking cheap alarm clock just for bubble time., Target has a bubble blower that looks like a frog, it has been amazing for my kids and many that I work with (I'm an OT)! Many or most 2 yr olds can operate it independently, it doesn't spill, it lasts a long time. I like it because they have to push a button to operate it so you get some finger isolation and strengthening mixed with the joy of bubbles. With weather getting nice outdoor bubbles will keep mess down, or I also like bubbles in the shower/tub (even with no water, give them bubble blower in there and let them blow bubbles, they stick to the walls and are so much fun). But beyond bubbles, balloons are also often joyous for kids who like bubbles and they make silk covers for balloons to make them not a choking hazard. Balloon play also has the added benefit of visual tracking and helping to develop catching skills., My son is 5, he also loves bubbles. We use the often and draw them out into other things. He watches the playtime with tor (YouTube) and sesame street bubble episodes. He pops them, we talk about how they are filled with air and there are many different types of bubbles. We use them whole hes on a trampoline, on our deck, on walks, even at the dentist to help him calm down. It brings him joy, and it's a way we connect. I will second, get a bubble machine. It will make your life a little easier. We still also have bubble wands of all sizes on hand for him too., Just wanna first say it's fantastic that you're seeking ways to accommodate her sensory needs while also managing the demands of everyday life!! She's lucky to have you. \- Maybe you could try incorporating a timer w/ the bubble machine? \- Sensory bins w/ rice, beans, water beads - might give some tactile stimulation if that's what she's looking for \- Water play area (still messy lol) but as long as she's supervised for safety she could pour, splash, explore, etc \- I'm not sure if it would capture her in the same way - have you tried maybe bubble videos/apps? if she's into it could help when bubbles are just not feasible or you need a break from the mess! \- OT may have suggestions too!!, My daughter went through a bubble phase too, there are some apps for bubble popping, fish sensory games and fireworks blasting. I can’t remember the name of the app, but it gave my daughter that same effect she was looking for. My daughter likes seeing the bubbles fall down so anything mimicking that same motion for her to watch was good. Rain stick, medicine dropper and drop water into a bowl, Rice sensory box, water table with measuring cups that she can watch the water pour down. And definitely agree on a bubble machine., Do they like a dehumidifier, the steam usually serves as an acceptable distraction. Bubble tube as well for water and lights., A timer is a great idea. We use a green, yellow, red light timer for our son. It helps him visually understand that time is almost up., She sounds adorable 🥰 Could you not set like a bubble time? Like bubble o’clock and have an alarm for it and make a big event out of it with a silly song. Could put it into her routine maybe and have set bubble times a day. Maybe in the bathroom so it’s easier to clean up. Get an interesting looking cheap alarm clock just for bubble time., Target has a bubble blower that looks like a frog, it has been amazing for my kids and many that I work with (I'm an OT)! Many or most 2 yr olds can operate it independently, it doesn't spill, it lasts a long time. I like it because they have to push a button to operate it so you get some finger isolation and strengthening mixed with the joy of bubbles. With weather getting nice outdoor bubbles will keep mess down, or I also like bubbles in the shower/tub (even with no water, give them bubble blower in there and let them blow bubbles, they stick to the walls and are so much fun). But beyond bubbles, balloons are also often joyous for kids who like bubbles and they make silk covers for balloons to make them not a choking hazard. Balloon play also has the added benefit of visual tracking and helping to develop catching skills., My son is 5, he also loves bubbles. We use the often and draw them out into other things. He watches the playtime with tor (YouTube) and sesame street bubble episodes. He pops them, we talk about how they are filled with air and there are many different types of bubbles. We use them whole hes on a trampoline, on our deck, on walks, even at the dentist to help him calm down. It brings him joy, and it's a way we connect. I will second, get a bubble machine. It will make your life a little easier. We still also have bubble wands of all sizes on hand for him too., Just wanna first say it's fantastic that you're seeking ways to accommodate her sensory needs while also managing the demands of everyday life!! She's lucky to have you. \- Maybe you could try incorporating a timer w/ the bubble machine? \- Sensory bins w/ rice, beans, water beads - might give some tactile stimulation if that's what she's looking for \- Water play area (still messy lol) but as long as she's supervised for safety she could pour, splash, explore, etc \- I'm not sure if it would capture her in the same way - have you tried maybe bubble videos/apps? if she's into it could help when bubbles are just not feasible or you need a break from the mess! \- OT may have suggestions too!!, My daughter went through a bubble phase too, there are some apps for bubble popping, fish sensory games and fireworks blasting. I can’t remember the name of the app, but it gave my daughter that same effect she was looking for. My daughter likes seeing the bubbles fall down so anything mimicking that same motion for her to watch was good. Rain stick, medicine dropper and drop water into a bowl, Rice sensory box, water table with measuring cups that she can watch the water pour down. And definitely agree on a bubble machine., Do they like a dehumidifier, the steam usually serves as an acceptable distraction. Bubble tube as well for water and lights., A timer is a great idea. We use a green, yellow, red light timer for our son. It helps him visually understand that time is almost up., She sounds adorable 🥰 Could you not set like a bubble time? Like bubble o’clock and have an alarm for it and make a big event out of it with a silly song. Could put it into her routine maybe and have set bubble times a day. Maybe in the bathroom so it’s easier to clean up. Get an interesting looking cheap alarm clock just for bubble time., Target has a bubble blower that looks like a frog, it has been amazing for my kids and many that I work with (I'm an OT)! Many or most 2 yr olds can operate it independently, it doesn't spill, it lasts a long time. I like it because they have to push a button to operate it so you get some finger isolation and strengthening mixed with the joy of bubbles. With weather getting nice outdoor bubbles will keep mess down, or I also like bubbles in the shower/tub (even with no water, give them bubble blower in there and let them blow bubbles, they stick to the walls and are so much fun). But beyond bubbles, balloons are also often joyous for kids who like bubbles and they make silk covers for balloons to make them not a choking hazard. Balloon play also has the added benefit of visual tracking and helping to develop catching skills., My son is 5, he also loves bubbles. We use the often and draw them out into other things. He watches the playtime with tor (YouTube) and sesame street bubble episodes. He pops them, we talk about how they are filled with air and there are many different types of bubbles. We use them whole hes on a trampoline, on our deck, on walks, even at the dentist to help him calm down. It brings him joy, and it's a way we connect. I will second, get a bubble machine. It will make your life a little easier. We still also have bubble wands of all sizes on hand for him too., Just wanna first say it's fantastic that you're seeking ways to accommodate her sensory needs while also managing the demands of everyday life!! She's lucky to have you. \- Maybe you could try incorporating a timer w/ the bubble machine? \- Sensory bins w/ rice, beans, water beads - might give some tactile stimulation if that's what she's looking for \- Water play area (still messy lol) but as long as she's supervised for safety she could pour, splash, explore, etc \- I'm not sure if it would capture her in the same way - have you tried maybe bubble videos/apps? if she's into it could help when bubbles are just not feasible or you need a break from the mess! \- OT may have suggestions too!!, My daughter went through a bubble phase too, there are some apps for bubble popping, fish sensory games and fireworks blasting. I can’t remember the name of the app, but it gave my daughter that same effect she was looking for. My daughter likes seeing the bubbles fall down so anything mimicking that same motion for her to watch was good. Rain stick, medicine dropper and drop water into a bowl, Rice sensory box, water table with measuring cups that she can watch the water pour down. And definitely agree on a bubble machine., Do they like a dehumidifier, the steam usually serves as an acceptable distraction. Bubble tube as well for water and lights., A timer is a great idea. We use a green, yellow, red light timer for our son. It helps him visually understand that time is almost up.

Baby #2

My son is almost 21 months old and we have decided to start trying for baby #2 in Jan 2024. It’s not going to stop us regardless, but just wondering if anyone’s first child is on the spectrum if their 2nd is or isn’t? I have heard the odds increase with future children if you have 1 on the spectrum but just wondering for personal experiences!

Genetics! If your first one has it, your second has a good chance it will too., Our first one was a boy with classical ASD + developmental delay, and our second one was a girl with some ASD traits. It's genetic, so if you have one, having a second one is more likely., All three have autism, We have a 2.5 year old with level 2 autism and a 10 month old baby girl who so far is developing typically I think idk it could change at any moment right? So take that with a grain of salt. But it’s interesting because his ABA cohort has 6 toddlers in it and everyone has a NT younger sibling., We were in a similar situation to yours as we had decided we were going to have another baby anyway. I was already pregnant when my son’s genetic results came in confirming he has a de novo (so, not inherited) microdeletion proven to be linked with autism. According to our geneticist while not impossible (no couple has 0% probabilities of their kids having genetic mutations), it is highly unlikely kid #2 will have the same deletion, and as such autism. In any case like I said we were already pregnant with number 2 at that point and ready to love this baby as much as we love our son, whether autistic or NT. Baby is due in April so we won’t know if he is autistic or not for at least a couple more years I guess., Idk, i suspect youre more likely to have another child on the spectrum if you or your partner has it or suspected of having it. Both my kids have asd, and they are half siblings. I have it, my mom (their grandmother has it) and probably one of my brothers. So in our family there is a strong genetic link.. however not all families may not be the same. And not all families are able to recognize traits in others to see that it IS genetic in their families. I was very excited to be pregnant with my daughter (huge age gap between them) because i wanted to experience raising a child with fewer behavioral issues as a young child.. well shes 2.5 and apparently has asd also. Im just like egh whatever , now i know what to do and how to handle things, and at least she has a diagnosis early where as her older brother didnt get his diagnosis till he was almost ten. Im excited for you trying for your second! All you can do is watch and wait, hope for the best. ❤️, I have no experience but I have read a lot about it. I think the chances are 18-20% chance. Here’s one I found for you: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6510509/#:~:text=Recent%20estimates%20indicate%20that%20if,1.7%25%20(Low%20Risk) Best of luck 🍀 if I had the resources and a partner, I personally would have a second child ❤️, I have a five year old on the spectrum (level 1) and a three year old who by all accounts presents as neurotypical right now. Both boys. Neither I nor my partner are autistic - my brother in law is, and I have an uncle who is., Our first is a girl. We noticed at 15 months she had regressed and knowing my husband's brother was low functioning autistic we knew it was the likely diagnosis. She's now 5 and is progressing every day. My son is 2.5 so what I would consider past the point of typical regression. At about 1 his daycare, not us, noticed he was a little behind on milestones so referred him to early intervention which he receives there. The only reason he met was because he had ear tubes at the time they couldn't rule out hearing loss. He no longer needs support and is thriving. There is still so much I don't know about the autism spectrum, but I feel confident in saying my 2.5 year old isn't austistic. Just this morning, he handed his sister her toothbrush and clearly said, "name, you need to brush your teeth". I'd say go into your second knowing it's a possibility but also knowing that you are armed with the knowledge to spot the signs and get them involved in intervention early., 1st ASD 2nd NT 3rd ASD, I mean it's a genetic disorder so it's less about "Your chances are higher" and more "Hey this generic disorder is in your genes., I have 4 kids. 1st AuDHD 2nd ADHD 3rd ASD(we suspect adhd as well) 4th is only 2 months old. I assume my fourth will be ND as well. Dad & I are AuDHD, and there is a lot of neurodivergence in both families., We have 3 kids. Only our middle one has asd. There is a chance that siblings are also on the spectrum. And our youngest does have a delay but we’ve had him in evaluation and early intervention. No one thinks he’s autistic. Just simply delayed., My oldest son has autism and I’m currently pregnant with boy #2. My husband was diagnosed with PDD NOS, ADHD, and ODD as a child so it’s probably in his ‘genes’. I can’t confirm if anyone else in his family has it as hubby was adopted as a baby., I don’t know. I have 4 kids. 1ND (mildly but not autistic), 2nd ASD, 3rd is waiting to be evaluated but I don’t think so - just a language delay, 4th isn’t showing any signs., we just met a mom w/ a girl on the spectrum… this was her 2nd child her 1st child had it as well…. but it was a lot worst for him the 2nd child -girl- is talking and friendly…., Hey! 15F, autistic, adhd, ocd, anxiety, and depression. In my household, or just immediate family, i am the oldest kid. I have a little sister, who is completely neurotypical. My disabilities likely came from both my parents sides, though neither are neurodivergent. I likely got my autism and ocd from my mom’s dad, and adhd and anxiety from my dad’s side, don’t know who. It’s what I like to call ‘the best of both worlds’. But, back to the post, there isn‘t a 100% yes that your second child will be autistic as well., Hi! So my first child is a girl and is Neurotypical. My 2nd Girl is Neurotypical. My 3rd is a boy and has been diagnosed with autism. I now have a 3 month old son that I feel will be on the spectrum. But I don't actually know! So possibly 2 out of 4 or 1 out of 4 of my kids have asd, 1st baby— yes, autistic/ communication processing delay/sensory processing disorder 2nd baby— nope, neurotypical, 1st is on the spectrum, 2nd is NT., My first (5 year old boy) is and my 2nd (3 year old girl) is not. They are 18 months apart., 1st ASD, 2nd ASD, 3rd- Neurotypical, My first has more of the classic signs of autism and doesn't communicate really. The rest have autistic traits but can communicate fairly well. So, on functionality, the kids after the first will be okay with minimal intervention. The oldest needed major intervention., I have 3 kids and I totally couldn’t tell until they’re about 2. That’s when traits began showing up. My oldest son was diagnosed asd and my daughter is suspected because she lost skills she used to have and became nearly non verbal and reduced eye contact than before. I have a baby boy and so far he appears NT. I wouldn’t know for sure until he’s after 2… I thought my daughter was NT at first but not anymore when she turned 2., I have three kids and only the middle child has ASD., Our first, a boy, has level one ASD and ADHD. We believe our second, 3 years old, is neurotypical, but she is a girl so that can make it harder to diagnose. I’ve read common symptoms for girls for both ASD and ADHD and she doesn’t have any and has developed typically so far which is why we think she’s NT. Baby number 3 is due any day now so we will see with him but we feel like we are better prepared this time if he is ND., I have 2 boys, older one is NT, younger one has ASD. My friends who are in our local ASD mom groups: - 6 kids, oldest 3 are NT, youngest 3 are autistic - 2 kids, both autistic - 3 kids, oldest 2 are NT, youngest is autistic - 2 kids, older one NT, younger one autistic - 3 kids, NT, autistic, and NT - 2 kids, older one is autistic, younger one NT, I think for most of the population, the odds of an autistic child are about 1-2%. If you already have one on the spectrum, it jumps to 20%., I have 2 autistic sons. The risk for a second child is about 10x higher than the general population overall, or around 20%., our first isnt and our second is. they're 13 months apart., My oldest son is 3y9m on the spectrum (diagnosed at 2y) and we also have a 10 month old son. At this point, I think our 10 month old is neurotypical. His development has been very different to our first and he has been showing much more social interaction and is more responsive in comparison. Maybe this might change? I’m not overly sure but it’s like I’m a first time parent again with how different these two boys have grown up., Our family is in the exact same situation. Baby #2 due in April and geneticist said our chances were low 10-14% chance based on all the tests, blood work and questionnaires. Our first (2.5 m) is lvl 1 if that’s relevant., How did you go about genetic testing? How did you find your geneticist ?, Isn't PDD NOS nothing but ASD?, What makes you think the 3 month old may be on the spectrum? Just curious as I have a 4 month old and 4 year old (asd)!, I think this depends on where you are located, we are in the Netherlands. As my son’s tests kept coming back normal (MRI, EEGs, hearing, sight, etc) I asked his neurologist if we could be referred to a geneticist and try to see if there was some other explanation to my son’s differences. She agreed right away and a month later we were seeing the geneticist at the children’s hospital. On that appointment I told the dr we were planning to have more kids so she ordered full testing for me, my son and my husband and we got the results a couple of months later., Not sure of her husband’s age but it’s likely that when he was a kid, the diagnostic criteria for an ASD diagnosis was a lot narrower., Yes, now it is. But my husband was diagnosed 30 years ago., Yeah, my husband has a host of diagnosed disabilities. The more we learn about our daughter, the more we think he would have gotten an ASD diagnosis if he weren't being diagnosed in the 90s, Same. I feel awful for him bc he was so misunderstood as a child.

Baby babbles

Hi all, I’ve made a post before about my now almost 9 month old son who has started making grunting and growling sounds 3-4weeks ago. I know now babbling is not considered delayed until 10 months. Just curious however - would this be considered babbling or some sort of pre babble? He does this on and off throughout the day, sometimes towards his toys and sometimes towards us. And also, has anyone experienced this with their kids?

No, this isn't babbling. "Da-da-da" "ik-ik-ik" "boo-boo-boo", babbling. "Da-ik-boo" is variegated babbling. Your baby is Just making noises, and both my Kids have been doing that. My youngest one started babbling and later saying words (mama, tree, bamboo) at the expected age, but regressed at 18 months. He didnt start talking again till he was 5½, and it's still hard to hear what he is saying (especially for strangers), Thanks Messina. Everything else has been progressing well with him except for the lack of babbling and this has me so worried 🥹, It's easy for me to say, but just wait and see. You can't change anything about it, and worrying takes away part of the joy of watching your little precious one grow. And they grow so, so fast... The biggest red flags, in hindsight, were him not responding to his name, avoiding eye contact with anyone but mom and being the easiest baby ever. Hardly any crying, nagging, etcetera... You Will love him just as much, autism or not., Indeed… he responds to his name, shows joint attention, has eye contact, definitely cries for attention and knows how to give me a toy when asked. But I read that autism presents differently so who knows. You’re right that no matter what we all love our kids. It’s just tough not knowing how to help them :)

Baby on the cards

My partner and I were discussing our future and whilst we both want a child in the future (we just lost our pregnancy), he’s apprehensive about moving forward as his ex supposedly got herself tested and blamed their two childrens lv 3 nonverbal diagnosis on him (“my dr said I’m all good to have kids because the autism comes from your side!” Etc) What type of options do we have here? Can my partner get his sperm tested? Is this potentially something that’s going to wind up with me going through IVF? Very exciting but we must want some clarity on potential testing. We are in Australia. Ps, sorry as I know the subject of tests can be uncomfortable for some

There's no test for autism in utero... I have some experience with this type of stuff as my daughter has had every genetic test possible done. I'm no expert and can only explain to the best of my high school educated ability. There are a few gene "errors" that sometimes pop up in autistic kids, but they don't cause autism - if that makes sense. Or, at least, geneticists don't think they do yet - more studying is being done. The world of genetic testing is still kinda new and who knows what we'll discover these "errors" mean down the road... There are a quite a few genetic disorders that cause autistic like behaviors and are often underdiagnosed because the autism label is taken at face value and no genetic testing is ever done. There has not been an autism "gene" or autism genetic disorder found, yet. Tdlr : no, there's nothing you can do to find out your chances of having an autistic child. Getting sperm tested will prove nothing. If there are autistic people on either side of your families the chance is higher, but no one can say for sure how much., You need to be able to accept that eve without the two step children with ASD, that having a baby comes with risks of conditions that may not all be obvious during pregnancy. The risk of a third child with ASD for your partner is increased for any child he has next. There's no way of reducing that odd. So really, it's whether you could accept and embrace this that you need to decide on. That could mean managing 3 children with additional needs. Of course as with most odds, it's never a dead cert..., There's no test in utero for autism., Do you know the genetic cause of his kids' autism? That's step 1. If it's inconclusive, there's no way of telling. Two bio parents have a 50% shot of having a third autistic child if they've already had two. I'm uncertain when they're half siblings. Your odds are high here., https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-022-02009-6, With two children with ASD your chances of having a third with ASD are high even with completely negative testing. There are tests your husband could do to rule out some causes (microarray, carrier testing etc) but ultimately the cause is unknown in most cases. I would have a serious discussion with him about what he is open to- is having a third child with ASD something he would never consider? Is he open to donor sperm? (Still would have unknown but possible risk), embryo adoption?, adoption? Is not having a child a deal breaker for you?, If you want to have a child but don’t want to if they end up having a disability, don’t have a child. When you get pregnant you have chosen to accept and love that child no matter what happens. If they have ASD, they have it. If they don’t, they don’t. Same with any other disabilities. ASD can be genetic or environmental, or just random. If the other two children have it your child is at an increase risk. I would assume they’d have it until proven otherwise., Don't have kids if you can't accept them for their many genetic possibilities and outcomes. ASD children shouldn't be treated as a curse or blight that should be TFMR., Oh I didn't know we mustn't consider chances when we make risky decisions..., Thankyou, I don’t know why I’m getting villainised when we just want to know what we’re in for? I thought I’d be understood in this community, it’s provided me with sound advice before, Yeah, beats me. Of course if you have a kid with any issue at all you should love and cherish it. Also, naturally, wanting one means you accept a certain amount of risk. But if there is a way to actually quantify the risk, wouldn't everyone like to know? Like, you go to the doctor and say you want to have a kid. Doctor says that due to a generic disorder both you and your partner carry, your baby will only live for a little bit. Would you still have it because wanting one means you accept the risk? That's a whole lot of nonsense. Also, loving your kid is separate to having some sort of knowledge beforehand. I love my son to bits, in ways and with an intensity I didn't know I had in me. Had I known beforehand...? Who knows., They already know. Read the post. Two previous children with level 3 ASD. Obviously they’re aware there is an elevated risk. “Can my partner get his sperm tested? Is this something that’s going to wind up with me going through IVF?” These both indicate they’re trying to avoid having a child with an ASD diagnosis at all costs. This isn’t possible as there’s no early detection through genetic testing. This is why there’s hate on this post. It’s clear what the intention of the question is. If they really want a child and were going to love and nurture it regardless, they would’ve already accepted that there is a high possibility of an ASD diagnosis and this question wouldn’t even be here. I know plenty of people that carry genetic conditions that they aren’t willing to pass on, so that part of your comment is just silly. It’s an everyday thing, and no, if they don’t want a disabled child they won’t have a baby. Full stop., Thanks for so confidently speaking on my own wants and thoughts… pretty unfair and incorrect. Perhaps I should have worded stuff here differently so I don’t sound so evil apparently, Lol. Someone's martyrdom has got them huffing and puffing... So nice of you to assume things for others, but that's not the spirit or the purpose of this community. They have every right to question whether they can know so that they can make an informed decision. Who are you to police whether they should or should not? Full stop., If you’re looking for pity for being “so evil” you’re not going to get it. My answer was based on the language of your post and so was everyone else’s. When you post to Reddit it’s pretty clear that people conclude what they can from the words you write in order to give you feedback. Your post was clear in what information it was seeking, and people were clear with their answers. If you don’t like the light you’ve painted yourself in, that’s not anyone else’s issue., I’m not policing anything and never claimed to be. Interesting that you choose to criticize someone for making assumptions and then do so yourself. It seems you have nothing to add to the conversation, seeing as you didn’t dispute any of my points, so I assume this conversation is finished., ... except op posed a clear practical question indeed, and did not ask for any moralizing. The only ones looking for pity are the "I'll have a child regardless of the risks" crowd. Maybe you should try accepting that not everyone thinks the way you do and just keep to yourself if you can't help?, Except you actually did, and I didn't assume - that's precisely and very clearly what you did. As to your points... Yeah, you just confirmed people make informed decisions when they can., Once again very interesting that you’re telling me to accept not everyone thinks like I do and then…criticize me for not thinking like you do? I literally explained that the “I’ll have a child regardless of the risks” thing is not how you should go about this unless you’re prepared for the outcome. That was the whole point. And lol. This is a Reddit forum. The whole point is to not keep thoughts to yourself. Welcome to the internet., Yes, that’s exactly what I confirmed. That was the entire point of the post. Glad you actually picked up on what I was saying in the first place. I have no idea why you’re causing a problem when you literally just agreed with my point. Might want to look up the definition of policing, champ., Oh so you're happy and proud to shitpost because "this is the internet", right on. I criticized you because you are off topic, not of what you think - couldn't care less about that., Lmao! Oh man. You’re really lost now aren’t you? That’s not what’s happening here at all. You are completely contradicting yourself with every post you make. This is obviously pointless.

Back to therapy

My son was diagnosed with ASD at 18 months. He started doing speech and occupational therapy, in addition to early intervention, for a total of 5 hours a week. He then lost coverage since last September, and did it get back until last week. So he **hasn't attended therapy for 6 months** now. The only thing he was getting for that period is a school teacher 1 hour visit for once a week. Now, he's 30 months old, and I'm re-enrolling him into ST and OT. In addition, his therapy center also suggested that we might consider ABA. 1. What do you guys feel about ABA therapy for a 2.5 years old boy? 2. If we decide to move forward with ABA, how many hours (per day/week) does he need? 3. Can he attend ABA, OT and ST at the same time? 4. How does your child schedule look like? Thank you guys (from an extremely frustrated parent at their state's Medicaid program).

Hi - I have a 2 yr old son just dx. My thoughts: 1) I love ABA therapy. I think it's really helping! 2) I think you need a doc to tell you how many hours or the ABA therapist can help you figure out what they think your kid will benefit the most from. For reference we do 10 hours a week, but I prob could do more! 3) Yes! We do ABA, PT, ST, and starting OT 4) We typically break the day in half. Morning for ABA and PT then speech comes in afternoon. My Speech and ABA know each other well so sometimes work together during the same hour to help eachother do some group work. I am so sorry you're going through this with medicaid. I am so frustrated for you. Have you done Early intervention evals? They could help and it's all FREE!, I’m not a fan of ABA in general, but I don’t think any stranger on the internet can tell you how many hours of anything your kid needs or how to work out your schedule. Look at what your kid needs support with and what is most important to you., Schedule an assessment with a local ABA clinic. They will tell you if they believe your child would be a good fit for ABA and if they can meet your child’s needs, as well as recommend hours (some kids attend it like it’s a full time job- others go for a couple hours a couple times a week). Some centers have in-house speech/OT, many have availability where their speech/OT therapists can visit in clinic. You can even do ABA in your home where the RBTs and BCBAs visit and conduct therapy there. Personally I’m a fan of ABA as I’ve seen what it’s done for many, but you need to be diligent in researching clinics or BCBAS. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with a BCBA on what you’d like your child to work on and not work on (for example, if a bcba wants to work to repress/reduce stimming, that can be seen as harmful ((in my opinion IS harmful) and is the type of bcba you’d want to avoid). The field is controversial because the field is still adjusting/growing and like early therapy/psychology, has made many mistakes. Still, many people believe there is significant value in the field., Thank you so much 😊, Hi - I have a 2 yr old son just dx. My thoughts: 1) I love ABA therapy. I think it's really helping! 2) I think you need a doc to tell you how many hours or the ABA therapist can help you figure out what they think your kid will benefit the most from. For reference we do 10 hours a week, but I prob could do more! 3) Yes! We do ABA, PT, ST, and starting OT 4) We typically break the day in half. Morning for ABA and PT then speech comes in afternoon. My Speech and ABA know each other well so sometimes work together during the same hour to help eachother do some group work. I am so sorry you're going through this with medicaid. I am so frustrated for you. Have you done Early intervention evals? They could help and it's all FREE!, I’m not a fan of ABA in general, but I don’t think any stranger on the internet can tell you how many hours of anything your kid needs or how to work out your schedule. Look at what your kid needs support with and what is most important to you., Schedule an assessment with a local ABA clinic. They will tell you if they believe your child would be a good fit for ABA and if they can meet your child’s needs, as well as recommend hours (some kids attend it like it’s a full time job- others go for a couple hours a couple times a week). Some centers have in-house speech/OT, many have availability where their speech/OT therapists can visit in clinic. You can even do ABA in your home where the RBTs and BCBAs visit and conduct therapy there. Personally I’m a fan of ABA as I’ve seen what it’s done for many, but you need to be diligent in researching clinics or BCBAS. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with a BCBA on what you’d like your child to work on and not work on (for example, if a bcba wants to work to repress/reduce stimming, that can be seen as harmful ((in my opinion IS harmful) and is the type of bcba you’d want to avoid). The field is controversial because the field is still adjusting/growing and like early therapy/psychology, has made many mistakes. Still, many people believe there is significant value in the field., Thank you so much 😊, Hi - I have a 2 yr old son just dx. My thoughts: 1) I love ABA therapy. I think it's really helping! 2) I think you need a doc to tell you how many hours or the ABA therapist can help you figure out what they think your kid will benefit the most from. For reference we do 10 hours a week, but I prob could do more! 3) Yes! We do ABA, PT, ST, and starting OT 4) We typically break the day in half. Morning for ABA and PT then speech comes in afternoon. My Speech and ABA know each other well so sometimes work together during the same hour to help eachother do some group work. I am so sorry you're going through this with medicaid. I am so frustrated for you. Have you done Early intervention evals? They could help and it's all FREE!, I’m not a fan of ABA in general, but I don’t think any stranger on the internet can tell you how many hours of anything your kid needs or how to work out your schedule. Look at what your kid needs support with and what is most important to you., Schedule an assessment with a local ABA clinic. They will tell you if they believe your child would be a good fit for ABA and if they can meet your child’s needs, as well as recommend hours (some kids attend it like it’s a full time job- others go for a couple hours a couple times a week). Some centers have in-house speech/OT, many have availability where their speech/OT therapists can visit in clinic. You can even do ABA in your home where the RBTs and BCBAs visit and conduct therapy there. Personally I’m a fan of ABA as I’ve seen what it’s done for many, but you need to be diligent in researching clinics or BCBAS. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with a BCBA on what you’d like your child to work on and not work on (for example, if a bcba wants to work to repress/reduce stimming, that can be seen as harmful ((in my opinion IS harmful) and is the type of bcba you’d want to avoid). The field is controversial because the field is still adjusting/growing and like early therapy/psychology, has made many mistakes. Still, many people believe there is significant value in the field., Thank you so much 😊, Hi - I have a 2 yr old son just dx. My thoughts: 1) I love ABA therapy. I think it's really helping! 2) I think you need a doc to tell you how many hours or the ABA therapist can help you figure out what they think your kid will benefit the most from. For reference we do 10 hours a week, but I prob could do more! 3) Yes! We do ABA, PT, ST, and starting OT 4) We typically break the day in half. Morning for ABA and PT then speech comes in afternoon. My Speech and ABA know each other well so sometimes work together during the same hour to help eachother do some group work. I am so sorry you're going through this with medicaid. I am so frustrated for you. Have you done Early intervention evals? They could help and it's all FREE!, I’m not a fan of ABA in general, but I don’t think any stranger on the internet can tell you how many hours of anything your kid needs or how to work out your schedule. Look at what your kid needs support with and what is most important to you., Schedule an assessment with a local ABA clinic. They will tell you if they believe your child would be a good fit for ABA and if they can meet your child’s needs, as well as recommend hours (some kids attend it like it’s a full time job- others go for a couple hours a couple times a week). Some centers have in-house speech/OT, many have availability where their speech/OT therapists can visit in clinic. You can even do ABA in your home where the RBTs and BCBAs visit and conduct therapy there. Personally I’m a fan of ABA as I’ve seen what it’s done for many, but you need to be diligent in researching clinics or BCBAS. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with a BCBA on what you’d like your child to work on and not work on (for example, if a bcba wants to work to repress/reduce stimming, that can be seen as harmful ((in my opinion IS harmful) and is the type of bcba you’d want to avoid). The field is controversial because the field is still adjusting/growing and like early therapy/psychology, has made many mistakes. Still, many people believe there is significant value in the field., Thank you so much 😊

Back to therapy and ABA

My son was diagnosed with ASD at 18 months. He started doing speech and occupational therapy, in addition to early intervention, for a total of 5 hours a week. He then lost coverage since last September, and did it get back until last week. So he **hasn't attended therapy for 6 months** now. The only thing he was getting for that period is a school teacher 1 hour visit for once a week. Now, he's 30 months old, and I'm re-enrolling him into ST and OT. In addition, his therapy center also suggested that we might consider ABA. 1. What do you guys feel about ABA therapy for a 2.5 years old boy? 2. If we decide to move forward with ABA, how many hours (per day/week) does he need? 3. Can he attend ABA, OT and ST at the same time? 4. How does your child schedule look like? Thank you guys (from an extremely frustrated parent at their state's Medicaid program).

My 2.5 yr old does ABA, OT & ST, she is a twin (who receives 1 ST session per week) & I have one older child in school. I WFH for myself so my schedule is flexible but this is what it looks like as far as therapies Monday: 9-11 ABA Tuesday: 9-10 ST 2-4 ABA Wednesday: 9-10 ST (for twin) 1-2 OT Thursday: 9-11 ABA (in clinic) Friday: 9-11 ABA Well be integrating speech into her ABA sessions in clinic once she phases out of early intervention. We don’t plan to increase ABA sessions just yet but maybe in the future. The two hour sessions are just enough for her right now! Hope that helps!, Thank you so much 😊, My 2.5 yr old does ABA, OT & ST, she is a twin (who receives 1 ST session per week) & I have one older child in school. I WFH for myself so my schedule is flexible but this is what it looks like as far as therapies Monday: 9-11 ABA Tuesday: 9-10 ST 2-4 ABA Wednesday: 9-10 ST (for twin) 1-2 OT Thursday: 9-11 ABA (in clinic) Friday: 9-11 ABA Well be integrating speech into her ABA sessions in clinic once she phases out of early intervention. We don’t plan to increase ABA sessions just yet but maybe in the future. The two hour sessions are just enough for her right now! Hope that helps!, Thank you so much 😊, My 2.5 yr old does ABA, OT & ST, she is a twin (who receives 1 ST session per week) & I have one older child in school. I WFH for myself so my schedule is flexible but this is what it looks like as far as therapies Monday: 9-11 ABA Tuesday: 9-10 ST 2-4 ABA Wednesday: 9-10 ST (for twin) 1-2 OT Thursday: 9-11 ABA (in clinic) Friday: 9-11 ABA Well be integrating speech into her ABA sessions in clinic once she phases out of early intervention. We don’t plan to increase ABA sessions just yet but maybe in the future. The two hour sessions are just enough for her right now! Hope that helps!, Thank you so much 😊, My 2.5 yr old does ABA, OT & ST, she is a twin (who receives 1 ST session per week) & I have one older child in school. I WFH for myself so my schedule is flexible but this is what it looks like as far as therapies Monday: 9-11 ABA Tuesday: 9-10 ST 2-4 ABA Wednesday: 9-10 ST (for twin) 1-2 OT Thursday: 9-11 ABA (in clinic) Friday: 9-11 ABA Well be integrating speech into her ABA sessions in clinic once she phases out of early intervention. We don’t plan to increase ABA sessions just yet but maybe in the future. The two hour sessions are just enough for her right now! Hope that helps!, Thank you so much 😊

Bad words

Background: 4 1/2 year old high functioning autistic son. He is completely verbal, and has latched on to a few spicy words lately. He’s completely obsessed with the phrase “shut up,” and everything we’ve tried, hasn’t worked. So when he says that, or any other bad words, does anyone have any advice as to how to get him to stop? We’ve already tried completely ignoring it to take the power out of the words. Didn’t give him a reaction. That didn’t work. We’ve tried time outs, replacing with nicer phrases, etc. Help :(

Idea: every morning, get a small cup of his (and yours, ideally) favorite candy. Every time he uses the word, eat one. He gets the remainder at the end of the day. Upside: you get to have a piece of candy in a frustrating situation. ... I mean this mostly tongue in cheek, but, looking at my own kid, am also genuinely wondering if it would work., 4.5 was a tough tough age for us. My kid is also completely verbal. He would do things just to get a rise out of us. Then 5 years old came and things started to chill the fuck out. 4.5 is when they realize they don't have a lot of power in life and they start to rebel. I'd check out this discussion of power buckets and attention buckets here: [https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/](https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/) I can only tell you what I might do. Instead of taking the power out of it by ignoring it. Lean into it. Anytime he says shut up, sing the shut up song "Shut up shut up it's time to shut up. If you're tall or short or boy or girl. shut up shut up." Make it up as you go along. Sing for as long as you feel like. Very musical theater. DO a dance. It'll be funny at first, but then he'll get really sick of it happening every time he says it. "I don't want you to sing", he'll say. your response "Sorry, that's the rule, whenever someone says shut up, you have to sing the song." then I'd probably point out that I just said shut up and sing the song again., Ah we deal with this also with our 9 year old. My son also has adhd and it’s way worse when his meds haven’t kicked in or they are wearing off. He earns a kids YouTube in the evening if he doesn’t use a lot of the words that day. I dislike token systems but this is one of the only thing that has somewhat worked for him. It’s definitely a regulation issue so I try to co regulate and do lots of sensory strategies when I notice the words are coming out., Not gonna lie. My daughter is able to say very little right now… it’s significantly better than the silence we had a year ago but she could tell me to “F off” and I would just smile bc it’s a new word set 😅, The idea of "bad" words makes no sense to me. There are no bad words, there are times and places were certain words aren't okay to use. If I start spouting F-bombs at an IEP meeting, I'm not going to be effective. I scream "fuck" when I stub my toe, if no one really heard it, did the tree really make a sound? My kids, I've told them I don't care what they say as long as no one hears it. It's the intent that matters. We also have a VERY strict rule, no name calling. Saying "shit" when you drop something is one thing but calling someone "shit" is not okay. Every time he says something at a time that it's not okay to say it, correct him. "Hey, we don't tell people to shut up. What do we say instead?" Every time. It'll get repetitive and boring but, with time, it will work., Hahahah that sounds awesome actually! Maybe having a visual cue would help! Shoot, I’m willing to try mostly anything at this point. Thank you for the help, and the giggle, much needed!! :), That’s awesome advice, thank you!! We’re all about silly in this house, so that might work :) he definitely seems to be going through some type of phase, that’s for sure. I’ve told my husband lately, he’s been very “spicy” lately hahah testing boundaries, trying to get a reaction, little more attitude than we’re used to, etc. I assumed it would pass eventually, so we deal, but the bad words I didn’t want to stick is all. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate all the ideas I’ve received! Sometimes it feels very lonely, so to hear I’m not alone is comforting :), Thank you, that was super insightful! I’ll have to try that. Even though he doesn’t tend to understand a lot of things, I’ll see if I can find a way to explain it to him so that he understands. Thank you again for answering :), once my youngest grabbed a toy from my autistic kid and he muttered “Jesus Christ” and I was SO HAPPY, Problem is, he has no concept of appropriate or inappropriate settings. So that’s why we’re trying to just nip the entire thing in the bud altogether. As of right now, that’s basically what I’ve been trying to do. Just repetitively remind him that it’s not nice to say, and give him an appropriate phrase to use instead. He gets instantly defiant and continues to say it, as if out of spite. I will continue to try that though, as I’m hoping it’ll just stick one day. Thank you for the response! I appreciate your help :), It's worth a shot, anyway! :-) Hang in there, ey?, We called it the fuck you 4s, It definitely took a while. Like... probably over a year. But one day, I just noticed I hadn't had to correct them at all., 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, Idea: every morning, get a small cup of his (and yours, ideally) favorite candy. Every time he uses the word, eat one. He gets the remainder at the end of the day. Upside: you get to have a piece of candy in a frustrating situation. ... I mean this mostly tongue in cheek, but, looking at my own kid, am also genuinely wondering if it would work., 4.5 was a tough tough age for us. My kid is also completely verbal. He would do things just to get a rise out of us. Then 5 years old came and things started to chill the fuck out. 4.5 is when they realize they don't have a lot of power in life and they start to rebel. I'd check out this discussion of power buckets and attention buckets here: [https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/](https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/) I can only tell you what I might do. Instead of taking the power out of it by ignoring it. Lean into it. Anytime he says shut up, sing the shut up song "Shut up shut up it's time to shut up. If you're tall or short or boy or girl. shut up shut up." Make it up as you go along. Sing for as long as you feel like. Very musical theater. DO a dance. It'll be funny at first, but then he'll get really sick of it happening every time he says it. "I don't want you to sing", he'll say. your response "Sorry, that's the rule, whenever someone says shut up, you have to sing the song." then I'd probably point out that I just said shut up and sing the song again., Ah we deal with this also with our 9 year old. My son also has adhd and it’s way worse when his meds haven’t kicked in or they are wearing off. He earns a kids YouTube in the evening if he doesn’t use a lot of the words that day. I dislike token systems but this is one of the only thing that has somewhat worked for him. It’s definitely a regulation issue so I try to co regulate and do lots of sensory strategies when I notice the words are coming out., Not gonna lie. My daughter is able to say very little right now… it’s significantly better than the silence we had a year ago but she could tell me to “F off” and I would just smile bc it’s a new word set 😅, The idea of "bad" words makes no sense to me. There are no bad words, there are times and places were certain words aren't okay to use. If I start spouting F-bombs at an IEP meeting, I'm not going to be effective. I scream "fuck" when I stub my toe, if no one really heard it, did the tree really make a sound? My kids, I've told them I don't care what they say as long as no one hears it. It's the intent that matters. We also have a VERY strict rule, no name calling. Saying "shit" when you drop something is one thing but calling someone "shit" is not okay. Every time he says something at a time that it's not okay to say it, correct him. "Hey, we don't tell people to shut up. What do we say instead?" Every time. It'll get repetitive and boring but, with time, it will work., Hahahah that sounds awesome actually! Maybe having a visual cue would help! Shoot, I’m willing to try mostly anything at this point. Thank you for the help, and the giggle, much needed!! :), That’s awesome advice, thank you!! We’re all about silly in this house, so that might work :) he definitely seems to be going through some type of phase, that’s for sure. I’ve told my husband lately, he’s been very “spicy” lately hahah testing boundaries, trying to get a reaction, little more attitude than we’re used to, etc. I assumed it would pass eventually, so we deal, but the bad words I didn’t want to stick is all. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate all the ideas I’ve received! Sometimes it feels very lonely, so to hear I’m not alone is comforting :), Thank you, that was super insightful! I’ll have to try that. Even though he doesn’t tend to understand a lot of things, I’ll see if I can find a way to explain it to him so that he understands. Thank you again for answering :), once my youngest grabbed a toy from my autistic kid and he muttered “Jesus Christ” and I was SO HAPPY, Problem is, he has no concept of appropriate or inappropriate settings. So that’s why we’re trying to just nip the entire thing in the bud altogether. As of right now, that’s basically what I’ve been trying to do. Just repetitively remind him that it’s not nice to say, and give him an appropriate phrase to use instead. He gets instantly defiant and continues to say it, as if out of spite. I will continue to try that though, as I’m hoping it’ll just stick one day. Thank you for the response! I appreciate your help :), It's worth a shot, anyway! :-) Hang in there, ey?, We called it the fuck you 4s, It definitely took a while. Like... probably over a year. But one day, I just noticed I hadn't had to correct them at all., 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, Idea: every morning, get a small cup of his (and yours, ideally) favorite candy. Every time he uses the word, eat one. He gets the remainder at the end of the day. Upside: you get to have a piece of candy in a frustrating situation. ... I mean this mostly tongue in cheek, but, looking at my own kid, am also genuinely wondering if it would work., 4.5 was a tough tough age for us. My kid is also completely verbal. He would do things just to get a rise out of us. Then 5 years old came and things started to chill the fuck out. 4.5 is when they realize they don't have a lot of power in life and they start to rebel. I'd check out this discussion of power buckets and attention buckets here: [https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/](https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/) I can only tell you what I might do. Instead of taking the power out of it by ignoring it. Lean into it. Anytime he says shut up, sing the shut up song "Shut up shut up it's time to shut up. If you're tall or short or boy or girl. shut up shut up." Make it up as you go along. Sing for as long as you feel like. Very musical theater. DO a dance. It'll be funny at first, but then he'll get really sick of it happening every time he says it. "I don't want you to sing", he'll say. your response "Sorry, that's the rule, whenever someone says shut up, you have to sing the song." then I'd probably point out that I just said shut up and sing the song again., Ah we deal with this also with our 9 year old. My son also has adhd and it’s way worse when his meds haven’t kicked in or they are wearing off. He earns a kids YouTube in the evening if he doesn’t use a lot of the words that day. I dislike token systems but this is one of the only thing that has somewhat worked for him. It’s definitely a regulation issue so I try to co regulate and do lots of sensory strategies when I notice the words are coming out., Not gonna lie. My daughter is able to say very little right now… it’s significantly better than the silence we had a year ago but she could tell me to “F off” and I would just smile bc it’s a new word set 😅, The idea of "bad" words makes no sense to me. There are no bad words, there are times and places were certain words aren't okay to use. If I start spouting F-bombs at an IEP meeting, I'm not going to be effective. I scream "fuck" when I stub my toe, if no one really heard it, did the tree really make a sound? My kids, I've told them I don't care what they say as long as no one hears it. It's the intent that matters. We also have a VERY strict rule, no name calling. Saying "shit" when you drop something is one thing but calling someone "shit" is not okay. Every time he says something at a time that it's not okay to say it, correct him. "Hey, we don't tell people to shut up. What do we say instead?" Every time. It'll get repetitive and boring but, with time, it will work., Hahahah that sounds awesome actually! Maybe having a visual cue would help! Shoot, I’m willing to try mostly anything at this point. Thank you for the help, and the giggle, much needed!! :), That’s awesome advice, thank you!! We’re all about silly in this house, so that might work :) he definitely seems to be going through some type of phase, that’s for sure. I’ve told my husband lately, he’s been very “spicy” lately hahah testing boundaries, trying to get a reaction, little more attitude than we’re used to, etc. I assumed it would pass eventually, so we deal, but the bad words I didn’t want to stick is all. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate all the ideas I’ve received! Sometimes it feels very lonely, so to hear I’m not alone is comforting :), Thank you, that was super insightful! I’ll have to try that. Even though he doesn’t tend to understand a lot of things, I’ll see if I can find a way to explain it to him so that he understands. Thank you again for answering :), once my youngest grabbed a toy from my autistic kid and he muttered “Jesus Christ” and I was SO HAPPY, Problem is, he has no concept of appropriate or inappropriate settings. So that’s why we’re trying to just nip the entire thing in the bud altogether. As of right now, that’s basically what I’ve been trying to do. Just repetitively remind him that it’s not nice to say, and give him an appropriate phrase to use instead. He gets instantly defiant and continues to say it, as if out of spite. I will continue to try that though, as I’m hoping it’ll just stick one day. Thank you for the response! I appreciate your help :), It's worth a shot, anyway! :-) Hang in there, ey?, We called it the fuck you 4s, It definitely took a while. Like... probably over a year. But one day, I just noticed I hadn't had to correct them at all., 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, Idea: every morning, get a small cup of his (and yours, ideally) favorite candy. Every time he uses the word, eat one. He gets the remainder at the end of the day. Upside: you get to have a piece of candy in a frustrating situation. ... I mean this mostly tongue in cheek, but, looking at my own kid, am also genuinely wondering if it would work., 4.5 was a tough tough age for us. My kid is also completely verbal. He would do things just to get a rise out of us. Then 5 years old came and things started to chill the fuck out. 4.5 is when they realize they don't have a lot of power in life and they start to rebel. I'd check out this discussion of power buckets and attention buckets here: [https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/](https://tiaslightham.com/behavior-and-parenting-go-hand-in-hand/) I can only tell you what I might do. Instead of taking the power out of it by ignoring it. Lean into it. Anytime he says shut up, sing the shut up song "Shut up shut up it's time to shut up. If you're tall or short or boy or girl. shut up shut up." Make it up as you go along. Sing for as long as you feel like. Very musical theater. DO a dance. It'll be funny at first, but then he'll get really sick of it happening every time he says it. "I don't want you to sing", he'll say. your response "Sorry, that's the rule, whenever someone says shut up, you have to sing the song." then I'd probably point out that I just said shut up and sing the song again., Ah we deal with this also with our 9 year old. My son also has adhd and it’s way worse when his meds haven’t kicked in or they are wearing off. He earns a kids YouTube in the evening if he doesn’t use a lot of the words that day. I dislike token systems but this is one of the only thing that has somewhat worked for him. It’s definitely a regulation issue so I try to co regulate and do lots of sensory strategies when I notice the words are coming out., Not gonna lie. My daughter is able to say very little right now… it’s significantly better than the silence we had a year ago but she could tell me to “F off” and I would just smile bc it’s a new word set 😅, The idea of "bad" words makes no sense to me. There are no bad words, there are times and places were certain words aren't okay to use. If I start spouting F-bombs at an IEP meeting, I'm not going to be effective. I scream "fuck" when I stub my toe, if no one really heard it, did the tree really make a sound? My kids, I've told them I don't care what they say as long as no one hears it. It's the intent that matters. We also have a VERY strict rule, no name calling. Saying "shit" when you drop something is one thing but calling someone "shit" is not okay. Every time he says something at a time that it's not okay to say it, correct him. "Hey, we don't tell people to shut up. What do we say instead?" Every time. It'll get repetitive and boring but, with time, it will work., Hahahah that sounds awesome actually! Maybe having a visual cue would help! Shoot, I’m willing to try mostly anything at this point. Thank you for the help, and the giggle, much needed!! :), That’s awesome advice, thank you!! We’re all about silly in this house, so that might work :) he definitely seems to be going through some type of phase, that’s for sure. I’ve told my husband lately, he’s been very “spicy” lately hahah testing boundaries, trying to get a reaction, little more attitude than we’re used to, etc. I assumed it would pass eventually, so we deal, but the bad words I didn’t want to stick is all. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate all the ideas I’ve received! Sometimes it feels very lonely, so to hear I’m not alone is comforting :), Thank you, that was super insightful! I’ll have to try that. Even though he doesn’t tend to understand a lot of things, I’ll see if I can find a way to explain it to him so that he understands. Thank you again for answering :), once my youngest grabbed a toy from my autistic kid and he muttered “Jesus Christ” and I was SO HAPPY, Problem is, he has no concept of appropriate or inappropriate settings. So that’s why we’re trying to just nip the entire thing in the bud altogether. As of right now, that’s basically what I’ve been trying to do. Just repetitively remind him that it’s not nice to say, and give him an appropriate phrase to use instead. He gets instantly defiant and continues to say it, as if out of spite. I will continue to try that though, as I’m hoping it’ll just stick one day. Thank you for the response! I appreciate your help :), It's worth a shot, anyway! :-) Hang in there, ey?, We called it the fuck you 4s, It definitely took a while. Like... probably over a year. But one day, I just noticed I hadn't had to correct them at all., 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Banging head on bed railing please need suggestions !

My 3yo has this toddler bed. The new thing he has started to do is if he wakes up in the middle of the night he starts banging his head super hard till he starts crying. Is there any products out there to put on the railing ? Or should I just get rid of the bed frame ? Thank you!

Maybe something like this? https://preview.redd.it/8ttu7klqafoc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efb8f1a35ec7080c24515d7ca2055239bf159890, Would pool noodles work?, Buy a new bed? (Said as a question because as a statement, it sounded rude), Floor bed? My daughter just turned 4 and we just put her in a raised bed a few months ago. My husband built a little house frame over the floor bed but in this circumstance I would avoid that. I’m sorry. It’s so hard to see them hurt themselves., My son is 2.5 and he does this. It was so bad that he was doing it on the floor and we could hear it :( we got him a floor race card bed and I have a couple of pillows on the sides and an extra foam mattress underneath so when he is banging for sensory issues, he’s not hurting himself and we don’t hear it. It also lasts only 2 mins now!, cubby bed saw it recommended on another post and it looks phenomenal. it says its also covered by insurance, im currently looking into it, We never used a toddler bed for our son. He hated them, and even escaped his crib to sleep in the floor as soon as he was big enough. We got him a giant narwhal to sleep on when he was about a year and a half old. Then we moved him to a giant Snorlax that we stuffed with shredded memory foam. He loved that! He just turned 5 and is obsessed with Lightning McQueen, so we decided to try a McQueen car bed. He's loving that so far, and he can't really hurt himself on the plastic., My son did that for about a year. He would bang to get to sleep in the evening for about an hour. Then if he woke up it would be with a bang as well. He stopped doing it when I started him on melatonin. Now the little monkey gets in bed. Pulls his soft blanket over himself then his weighted blanket and goes to sleep! Also now I’ve talked about his sleep he’ll be up at 2am but it was worth it to help you out., My child has been sleeping in a mattress on the floor since they started to be able to climb out of a crib at 2yo. They could also climb the closet, any dresser, etc so the room is now otherwise empty except for pillows, blankets, stuffed animals. They used to leap from the dresser across the room which, injury risk aside, was way too loud and would wake everyone else up in the middle of the night. Going down to a minimal room is also the only thing that eventually normalized my child’s sleep pattern., Pool noodles on the top part and then the crib liner things to keep babies from sticking their limbs through the bars on the rest?, i guess it depends on how old/big the child is? we put blankets, rolled up, in and around the edges of the bed, when the kids were smaller. you could put a couple of soft think blankets over the sides and tuck them under mattress. it won't be permanent but you can redo when ever needed. we also tried just putting the mattress on the floor, and putting cushions and blankets around to stop any collisions., [https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx\_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or\_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT\_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o\_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib\_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) &#x200B; I snaked these in between the rails of my kid's crib because she would bump her head on them. Now she has like a Montessori floor bed and I snaked it around the house portion for decoration and a chewing deterrent., I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, Personally I'd buy a diffrent bed. My son almost 3 has night terrors and hits his head alot so we bought a full size bed and a bedframe with a soft head board no rails, Yes what did you search for that ???, I did think of this but I worry since he puts everything in his mouth it being a choking hazard, First off this made me smile. Second, yes definitely 😂 that would be the ultimate plan I just didn’t know if someone knew of like pads that they sell to wrap around or idk lol a cheaper option if possible, Luckily we have never had a huge problem with him sleeping. Probably one of the very few things I don’t have to worry about up until this point 😂 but that is definitely something I am considering. Already have locks on the closets and all of his drawers and his room is pretty empty outside the closet minus a few stuffed animals and his book shelf, I think after lots of back and forth this is what I am going to do. Someone posted some great bumpers but he would need to move up by the end of the year anyways, It's on Amazon. Look for Wonder Space toddler bed rail bumper protector. That's a mouthful. Sorry, I don't know iw how to copy the link from the app., We did pool noodles with cloth over them. https://preview.redd.it/chwgntsgmhoc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11c0f9ac91d17aac511d3b21d7a81fec06077e15 This was the crib, we skipped toddler beds and went to twin beds., Don’t bother with the pool noodles. We tried it and my son loved chewing on them as a form of sensory. He bit huge chunks out of them. They lasted a whole one day, lol. We have only a mattress on the floor now bc he won’t leave anything else alone., I just get trashy I guess? I'd immediately wrap towels around and tape securely. Whatever MacGyver tricks I gotta do to prevent them from doing this. I mean, removing them from the bed seems obvious until you realize "put them elsewhere... but where?" At least until the new bed shows up. Aren't those crib pads bad now anyways? Suffication. My kids (and a friend) all started head ramming my kitchen island. I've had it for months but all 3 kids cracked their heads on it within days of each other. After the 3rd time, I said "THAT'S IT!!" And started taping this [bumper](http://api-shein.shein.com/h5/sharejump/appjump?link=V61XyRYNZIw&localcountry=US&url_from=GM7491058358741770240) to all the edges. Looks ugly but now no one has hit it. 🤷‍♀️, It's saved my sons head many times. We thought of doing a floor bed but he would end up ramming his head into the wall instead. We put pillows on each side of the bed and he's learned not to fly off. He's surprisingly never rolled off even while learning. Amazon has some options (not many) with soft headboards. And we found one that is decently low to the ground JUST in case., No that is so perfect thank you so much ! Now I’m contemplating if I just need to move him into a twin bed at this point lol. But these will be perfect for till I decide !, Yeah I am wondering if I made a mistake not just transitioning him directly to a twin. This is a great idea too thank you!, This was our experience with some kind of bumper tape we bought from Amazon. It was also to stop the chewing. Not only were they able to make significant chew marks in the bumper tape, but the bumper tape peeled off within a day., This is slightly where I’m leaning towards I just feel bad for some reason. Which I know is silly but I can’t help my brain thinking that way, Honestly I am not above taping towels to it and honestly my mind didn’t even go to this. Thank you!, Maybe something like this? https://preview.redd.it/8ttu7klqafoc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efb8f1a35ec7080c24515d7ca2055239bf159890, Would pool noodles work?, Buy a new bed? (Said as a question because as a statement, it sounded rude), Floor bed? My daughter just turned 4 and we just put her in a raised bed a few months ago. My husband built a little house frame over the floor bed but in this circumstance I would avoid that. I’m sorry. It’s so hard to see them hurt themselves., My son is 2.5 and he does this. It was so bad that he was doing it on the floor and we could hear it :( we got him a floor race card bed and I have a couple of pillows on the sides and an extra foam mattress underneath so when he is banging for sensory issues, he’s not hurting himself and we don’t hear it. It also lasts only 2 mins now!, cubby bed saw it recommended on another post and it looks phenomenal. it says its also covered by insurance, im currently looking into it, We never used a toddler bed for our son. He hated them, and even escaped his crib to sleep in the floor as soon as he was big enough. We got him a giant narwhal to sleep on when he was about a year and a half old. Then we moved him to a giant Snorlax that we stuffed with shredded memory foam. He loved that! He just turned 5 and is obsessed with Lightning McQueen, so we decided to try a McQueen car bed. He's loving that so far, and he can't really hurt himself on the plastic., My son did that for about a year. He would bang to get to sleep in the evening for about an hour. Then if he woke up it would be with a bang as well. He stopped doing it when I started him on melatonin. Now the little monkey gets in bed. Pulls his soft blanket over himself then his weighted blanket and goes to sleep! Also now I’ve talked about his sleep he’ll be up at 2am but it was worth it to help you out., My child has been sleeping in a mattress on the floor since they started to be able to climb out of a crib at 2yo. They could also climb the closet, any dresser, etc so the room is now otherwise empty except for pillows, blankets, stuffed animals. They used to leap from the dresser across the room which, injury risk aside, was way too loud and would wake everyone else up in the middle of the night. Going down to a minimal room is also the only thing that eventually normalized my child’s sleep pattern., Pool noodles on the top part and then the crib liner things to keep babies from sticking their limbs through the bars on the rest?, i guess it depends on how old/big the child is? we put blankets, rolled up, in and around the edges of the bed, when the kids were smaller. you could put a couple of soft think blankets over the sides and tuck them under mattress. it won't be permanent but you can redo when ever needed. we also tried just putting the mattress on the floor, and putting cushions and blankets around to stop any collisions., [https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx\_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or\_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT\_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o\_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib\_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) &#x200B; I snaked these in between the rails of my kid's crib because she would bump her head on them. Now she has like a Montessori floor bed and I snaked it around the house portion for decoration and a chewing deterrent., I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, Personally I'd buy a diffrent bed. My son almost 3 has night terrors and hits his head alot so we bought a full size bed and a bedframe with a soft head board no rails, Yes what did you search for that ???, I did think of this but I worry since he puts everything in his mouth it being a choking hazard, First off this made me smile. Second, yes definitely 😂 that would be the ultimate plan I just didn’t know if someone knew of like pads that they sell to wrap around or idk lol a cheaper option if possible, Luckily we have never had a huge problem with him sleeping. Probably one of the very few things I don’t have to worry about up until this point 😂 but that is definitely something I am considering. Already have locks on the closets and all of his drawers and his room is pretty empty outside the closet minus a few stuffed animals and his book shelf, I think after lots of back and forth this is what I am going to do. Someone posted some great bumpers but he would need to move up by the end of the year anyways, It's on Amazon. Look for Wonder Space toddler bed rail bumper protector. That's a mouthful. Sorry, I don't know iw how to copy the link from the app., We did pool noodles with cloth over them. https://preview.redd.it/chwgntsgmhoc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11c0f9ac91d17aac511d3b21d7a81fec06077e15 This was the crib, we skipped toddler beds and went to twin beds., Don’t bother with the pool noodles. We tried it and my son loved chewing on them as a form of sensory. He bit huge chunks out of them. They lasted a whole one day, lol. We have only a mattress on the floor now bc he won’t leave anything else alone., I just get trashy I guess? I'd immediately wrap towels around and tape securely. Whatever MacGyver tricks I gotta do to prevent them from doing this. I mean, removing them from the bed seems obvious until you realize "put them elsewhere... but where?" At least until the new bed shows up. Aren't those crib pads bad now anyways? Suffication. My kids (and a friend) all started head ramming my kitchen island. I've had it for months but all 3 kids cracked their heads on it within days of each other. After the 3rd time, I said "THAT'S IT!!" And started taping this [bumper](http://api-shein.shein.com/h5/sharejump/appjump?link=V61XyRYNZIw&localcountry=US&url_from=GM7491058358741770240) to all the edges. Looks ugly but now no one has hit it. 🤷‍♀️, It's saved my sons head many times. We thought of doing a floor bed but he would end up ramming his head into the wall instead. We put pillows on each side of the bed and he's learned not to fly off. He's surprisingly never rolled off even while learning. Amazon has some options (not many) with soft headboards. And we found one that is decently low to the ground JUST in case., No that is so perfect thank you so much ! Now I’m contemplating if I just need to move him into a twin bed at this point lol. But these will be perfect for till I decide !, Yeah I am wondering if I made a mistake not just transitioning him directly to a twin. This is a great idea too thank you!, This was our experience with some kind of bumper tape we bought from Amazon. It was also to stop the chewing. Not only were they able to make significant chew marks in the bumper tape, but the bumper tape peeled off within a day., This is slightly where I’m leaning towards I just feel bad for some reason. Which I know is silly but I can’t help my brain thinking that way, Honestly I am not above taping towels to it and honestly my mind didn’t even go to this. Thank you!, Maybe something like this? https://preview.redd.it/8ttu7klqafoc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efb8f1a35ec7080c24515d7ca2055239bf159890, Would pool noodles work?, Buy a new bed? (Said as a question because as a statement, it sounded rude), Floor bed? My daughter just turned 4 and we just put her in a raised bed a few months ago. My husband built a little house frame over the floor bed but in this circumstance I would avoid that. I’m sorry. It’s so hard to see them hurt themselves., My son is 2.5 and he does this. It was so bad that he was doing it on the floor and we could hear it :( we got him a floor race card bed and I have a couple of pillows on the sides and an extra foam mattress underneath so when he is banging for sensory issues, he’s not hurting himself and we don’t hear it. It also lasts only 2 mins now!, cubby bed saw it recommended on another post and it looks phenomenal. it says its also covered by insurance, im currently looking into it, We never used a toddler bed for our son. He hated them, and even escaped his crib to sleep in the floor as soon as he was big enough. We got him a giant narwhal to sleep on when he was about a year and a half old. Then we moved him to a giant Snorlax that we stuffed with shredded memory foam. He loved that! He just turned 5 and is obsessed with Lightning McQueen, so we decided to try a McQueen car bed. He's loving that so far, and he can't really hurt himself on the plastic., My son did that for about a year. He would bang to get to sleep in the evening for about an hour. Then if he woke up it would be with a bang as well. He stopped doing it when I started him on melatonin. Now the little monkey gets in bed. Pulls his soft blanket over himself then his weighted blanket and goes to sleep! Also now I’ve talked about his sleep he’ll be up at 2am but it was worth it to help you out., My child has been sleeping in a mattress on the floor since they started to be able to climb out of a crib at 2yo. They could also climb the closet, any dresser, etc so the room is now otherwise empty except for pillows, blankets, stuffed animals. They used to leap from the dresser across the room which, injury risk aside, was way too loud and would wake everyone else up in the middle of the night. Going down to a minimal room is also the only thing that eventually normalized my child’s sleep pattern., Pool noodles on the top part and then the crib liner things to keep babies from sticking their limbs through the bars on the rest?, i guess it depends on how old/big the child is? we put blankets, rolled up, in and around the edges of the bed, when the kids were smaller. you could put a couple of soft think blankets over the sides and tuck them under mattress. it won't be permanent but you can redo when ever needed. we also tried just putting the mattress on the floor, and putting cushions and blankets around to stop any collisions., [https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx\_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or\_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT\_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o\_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib\_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) &#x200B; I snaked these in between the rails of my kid's crib because she would bump her head on them. Now she has like a Montessori floor bed and I snaked it around the house portion for decoration and a chewing deterrent., I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, Personally I'd buy a diffrent bed. My son almost 3 has night terrors and hits his head alot so we bought a full size bed and a bedframe with a soft head board no rails, Yes what did you search for that ???, I did think of this but I worry since he puts everything in his mouth it being a choking hazard, First off this made me smile. Second, yes definitely 😂 that would be the ultimate plan I just didn’t know if someone knew of like pads that they sell to wrap around or idk lol a cheaper option if possible, Luckily we have never had a huge problem with him sleeping. Probably one of the very few things I don’t have to worry about up until this point 😂 but that is definitely something I am considering. Already have locks on the closets and all of his drawers and his room is pretty empty outside the closet minus a few stuffed animals and his book shelf, I think after lots of back and forth this is what I am going to do. Someone posted some great bumpers but he would need to move up by the end of the year anyways, It's on Amazon. Look for Wonder Space toddler bed rail bumper protector. That's a mouthful. Sorry, I don't know iw how to copy the link from the app., We did pool noodles with cloth over them. https://preview.redd.it/chwgntsgmhoc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11c0f9ac91d17aac511d3b21d7a81fec06077e15 This was the crib, we skipped toddler beds and went to twin beds., Don’t bother with the pool noodles. We tried it and my son loved chewing on them as a form of sensory. He bit huge chunks out of them. They lasted a whole one day, lol. We have only a mattress on the floor now bc he won’t leave anything else alone., I just get trashy I guess? I'd immediately wrap towels around and tape securely. Whatever MacGyver tricks I gotta do to prevent them from doing this. I mean, removing them from the bed seems obvious until you realize "put them elsewhere... but where?" At least until the new bed shows up. Aren't those crib pads bad now anyways? Suffication. My kids (and a friend) all started head ramming my kitchen island. I've had it for months but all 3 kids cracked their heads on it within days of each other. After the 3rd time, I said "THAT'S IT!!" And started taping this [bumper](http://api-shein.shein.com/h5/sharejump/appjump?link=V61XyRYNZIw&localcountry=US&url_from=GM7491058358741770240) to all the edges. Looks ugly but now no one has hit it. 🤷‍♀️, It's saved my sons head many times. We thought of doing a floor bed but he would end up ramming his head into the wall instead. We put pillows on each side of the bed and he's learned not to fly off. He's surprisingly never rolled off even while learning. Amazon has some options (not many) with soft headboards. And we found one that is decently low to the ground JUST in case., No that is so perfect thank you so much ! Now I’m contemplating if I just need to move him into a twin bed at this point lol. But these will be perfect for till I decide !, Yeah I am wondering if I made a mistake not just transitioning him directly to a twin. This is a great idea too thank you!, This was our experience with some kind of bumper tape we bought from Amazon. It was also to stop the chewing. Not only were they able to make significant chew marks in the bumper tape, but the bumper tape peeled off within a day., This is slightly where I’m leaning towards I just feel bad for some reason. Which I know is silly but I can’t help my brain thinking that way, Honestly I am not above taping towels to it and honestly my mind didn’t even go to this. Thank you!, Maybe something like this? https://preview.redd.it/8ttu7klqafoc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efb8f1a35ec7080c24515d7ca2055239bf159890, Would pool noodles work?, Buy a new bed? (Said as a question because as a statement, it sounded rude), Floor bed? My daughter just turned 4 and we just put her in a raised bed a few months ago. My husband built a little house frame over the floor bed but in this circumstance I would avoid that. I’m sorry. It’s so hard to see them hurt themselves., My son is 2.5 and he does this. It was so bad that he was doing it on the floor and we could hear it :( we got him a floor race card bed and I have a couple of pillows on the sides and an extra foam mattress underneath so when he is banging for sensory issues, he’s not hurting himself and we don’t hear it. It also lasts only 2 mins now!, cubby bed saw it recommended on another post and it looks phenomenal. it says its also covered by insurance, im currently looking into it, We never used a toddler bed for our son. He hated them, and even escaped his crib to sleep in the floor as soon as he was big enough. We got him a giant narwhal to sleep on when he was about a year and a half old. Then we moved him to a giant Snorlax that we stuffed with shredded memory foam. He loved that! He just turned 5 and is obsessed with Lightning McQueen, so we decided to try a McQueen car bed. He's loving that so far, and he can't really hurt himself on the plastic., My son did that for about a year. He would bang to get to sleep in the evening for about an hour. Then if he woke up it would be with a bang as well. He stopped doing it when I started him on melatonin. Now the little monkey gets in bed. Pulls his soft blanket over himself then his weighted blanket and goes to sleep! Also now I’ve talked about his sleep he’ll be up at 2am but it was worth it to help you out., My child has been sleeping in a mattress on the floor since they started to be able to climb out of a crib at 2yo. They could also climb the closet, any dresser, etc so the room is now otherwise empty except for pillows, blankets, stuffed animals. They used to leap from the dresser across the room which, injury risk aside, was way too loud and would wake everyone else up in the middle of the night. Going down to a minimal room is also the only thing that eventually normalized my child’s sleep pattern., Pool noodles on the top part and then the crib liner things to keep babies from sticking their limbs through the bars on the rest?, i guess it depends on how old/big the child is? we put blankets, rolled up, in and around the edges of the bed, when the kids were smaller. you could put a couple of soft think blankets over the sides and tuck them under mattress. it won't be permanent but you can redo when ever needed. we also tried just putting the mattress on the floor, and putting cushions and blankets around to stop any collisions., [https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx\_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or\_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT\_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o\_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib\_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/GISUREY-Cushion-Pillow-Handmade-Braided/dp/B0CB2X5NWS/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=GBY5VOJ3CIP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G3Fm0K27tHw2di2nBwKf5-fudfswUUCg55288iOkanOjiADhQVDBL87CnhRF18AYQ1x1YCe22ieYuWoprk7VkgY7SXYXLVNmKFIpkhXINvfo-oS9cTTNyHEKQdDSNbM5B5QFJ4HGP4rG-BUdAjLzAk-rlEeXvnx_uS24DYXVMxshCCn2IuPFnnQhhKqsf793gHcovzGIJsfNWzALOmHdae9tWw3xl5pmf4G5FaV58or_gIBoikl-AwXbNp-wzCzahP0UWqR9crDvaMJSfRYqTfDY3oHAYT_dtnkrQnrWNFM.5RxtVBFPouIt2o_jwo-oIFNr-xN-bsr5wZYnFV4JA7g&dib_tag=se&keywords=braided+pillow&qid=1710506038&sprefix=braided+pillow%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) &#x200B; I snaked these in between the rails of my kid's crib because she would bump her head on them. Now she has like a Montessori floor bed and I snaked it around the house portion for decoration and a chewing deterrent., I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, I used pipe isolation made out of foam to minimize the head trauma on a similar bed. It cost next to nothing and you can just wrap some white cloth over it to make it look less than pipe isolation. https://preview.redd.it/z2r5idtp7ioc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56dd0b47604f07485f3569e22e9b48aa0f950459, Personally I'd buy a diffrent bed. My son almost 3 has night terrors and hits his head alot so we bought a full size bed and a bedframe with a soft head board no rails, Yes what did you search for that ???, I did think of this but I worry since he puts everything in his mouth it being a choking hazard, First off this made me smile. Second, yes definitely 😂 that would be the ultimate plan I just didn’t know if someone knew of like pads that they sell to wrap around or idk lol a cheaper option if possible, Luckily we have never had a huge problem with him sleeping. Probably one of the very few things I don’t have to worry about up until this point 😂 but that is definitely something I am considering. Already have locks on the closets and all of his drawers and his room is pretty empty outside the closet minus a few stuffed animals and his book shelf, I think after lots of back and forth this is what I am going to do. Someone posted some great bumpers but he would need to move up by the end of the year anyways, It's on Amazon. Look for Wonder Space toddler bed rail bumper protector. That's a mouthful. Sorry, I don't know iw how to copy the link from the app., We did pool noodles with cloth over them. https://preview.redd.it/chwgntsgmhoc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11c0f9ac91d17aac511d3b21d7a81fec06077e15 This was the crib, we skipped toddler beds and went to twin beds., Don’t bother with the pool noodles. We tried it and my son loved chewing on them as a form of sensory. He bit huge chunks out of them. They lasted a whole one day, lol. We have only a mattress on the floor now bc he won’t leave anything else alone., I just get trashy I guess? I'd immediately wrap towels around and tape securely. Whatever MacGyver tricks I gotta do to prevent them from doing this. I mean, removing them from the bed seems obvious until you realize "put them elsewhere... but where?" At least until the new bed shows up. Aren't those crib pads bad now anyways? Suffication. My kids (and a friend) all started head ramming my kitchen island. I've had it for months but all 3 kids cracked their heads on it within days of each other. After the 3rd time, I said "THAT'S IT!!" And started taping this [bumper](http://api-shein.shein.com/h5/sharejump/appjump?link=V61XyRYNZIw&localcountry=US&url_from=GM7491058358741770240) to all the edges. Looks ugly but now no one has hit it. 🤷‍♀️, It's saved my sons head many times. We thought of doing a floor bed but he would end up ramming his head into the wall instead. We put pillows on each side of the bed and he's learned not to fly off. He's surprisingly never rolled off even while learning. Amazon has some options (not many) with soft headboards. And we found one that is decently low to the ground JUST in case., No that is so perfect thank you so much ! Now I’m contemplating if I just need to move him into a twin bed at this point lol. But these will be perfect for till I decide !, Yeah I am wondering if I made a mistake not just transitioning him directly to a twin. This is a great idea too thank you!, This was our experience with some kind of bumper tape we bought from Amazon. It was also to stop the chewing. Not only were they able to make significant chew marks in the bumper tape, but the bumper tape peeled off within a day., This is slightly where I’m leaning towards I just feel bad for some reason. Which I know is silly but I can’t help my brain thinking that way, Honestly I am not above taping towels to it and honestly my mind didn’t even go to this. Thank you!

Bathing

My child has sensory issues around bathing, which is also influenced by gender dysphoria. They now wear a bathing suit (getting under as needed) and play music, which seems to make a more pleasant experience. However, it doesn't happen without a lot of nagging and they will only give in about every three days. Now that they are in puberty it would be ideal to bathe at least every two days. Has anyone else had this issue? It probably shouldn't bother me as much as it does.

Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance)., Wow, maybe if you're transphobic, just don't up or downvote these parents' and kids' experience. Scroll on by., How far into puberty are they? Have you looked at blockers? We considered them for my trans autistic kid, but they developed so fast that they were too far into puberty even by 12, but they can be literally lifesaving if you catch the puberty at an early enough stage., Yes, the Tanner stage? They are 11 going on 12. We are meeting with a gender Dr next week. I'm hoping if we can do that it will remove some of the anxiety around how they view their body if not sensory issues. Can your child take the opposite hormone to try to curb some of the puberty effects or further development?, Yes, Tanner stages. My kid was nearing Tanner 5 by 12. Cross hormone therapy does sometimes happen in kids not much older than yours, but it usually isn't the first step and there will be a lot of hoops to jump through via psychological evaluation to get there and certain things might have already reached a stage where they can only be undone by surgery down the line (my kid got top surgery two years ago, for instance).

Bathing. How to get my ASD children to do this without fighting?

Maybe no one will be able to help because my kids like all of yours are unique. But we have an issue getting my 2 ASD children to shower more than once a week. At one point we had a good routine with them having swim practice 3-4x per week and always showered after. The one left the team and started refusing to shower at that point. The other is still on the team but has determined that the sensory feeling of the wetness from the shower is wrong and so won’t shower after being in the pool. Which is gross. Anyone else have this struggle but figured out a way to them to bathe?

Will they take baths? You can add toys to the bath and see if it makes it fun. My kid hates water on his face and head. He wear his swim goggles in the shower. Maybe you can be like oo we’re going swimming in the shower? Lol My kid is 10 and it’s a struggle. But for me I make him a snack when he gets home from school , shower with goggles and then he is allowed to do preferred item. It works 4-5 days out of the week, At the minute we're bathing my nephew in a plastic storage box. He goes through phases of loving the bath and hating it., Maybe get them to bath at home, it’s more relaxing and you have more flexibility to negotiate., I thought I was doing well with getting child to shower and wash hair once a week. Does prefer a bath to a shower as they feel different getting out of a bath to getting out of a shower., Target has bath paint ($1 each, they're $1.25 at Dollar Tree! Ha!) and I give them paint brushes. Target also has bath crayons (in the same dollar area). I also allow Popsicles in the tub, tablet on the counter, just about anything to keep them entertained!, My son only takes baths. He’s had a strong fear of the shower his whole life. We put like 50 toys in the bath there almost isn’t room for him lol but he loves the sensory aspect of it and he asks for baths. He also doesn’t like warm water so he takes cold baths. Weird to me but he’s happy and clean so who cares lol, If it’s a sensory thing maybe a bath or trying a different setting on the shower head. I struggle with my son, as well. The only thing that helped is a clear shower curtain and sitting outside the tub and chatting while he showered. We still only shower like 1xweek but the fight over it is exhausting, We are all like that here. I can not stand the feeling of water on my skin, I despise it. So I emphasise why my kids don't like it. I feel like my skin is crawling and I can literally feel stuff oozing in and out my pores while in the bath or shower. My son's are older tho so I just tell them I emphasise but we have to have basic hygiene to be healthy. I agree if you have a bath add toys or foam soap, something to distract from the sensory icks, I agree with commenter saying try to make it fun! My son personally loves toys in his bath and he enjoys bubble baths, bath bombs. For the shower he likes to use the shower head and "clean" his toys with a toothbrush also and rinsing it off. There's also shower steamers which add to the sensory. There's tons of bath toy things like bath paints and crayons, foam blocks, maybe even get some things like a bath pillow so they can relax, bath toy fountain, goggles like taygnada said. Maybe help them make bath time "theirs" by going to the store and allowing them to pick out their own shampoo and body wash, and their own bath toys. Lots of options!!, I don't know the age of your kids. Is there any way to add their special interests to the shower or bath? Possibly adding sensory input or taking it away, such as making the bath body temperature, adding a music player, using scented or scentless soap. Would goggles help or a bath visor to keep the water off of their faces? We had success with color changing matchbox cars. They change colors in hot water or cold water, so we have a bowl of ice water and a plastic ramp. Color-changing bath tabs are fun. I keep plastic water bottles and add one color per bottle so he can experience with mixing the colors. I know they make color foams to play with. There are also bath marble runs that stick to the side of the shower. edit: Do they like negotiations? You could think about the least you feel comfortable with- like would wiping down with body wipes be enough? Maybe that would be a compromise everyone can live with., What about soaping up with a washcloth and then pouring water over themselves to rinse(in the shower stall)? Different sensation than a shower and they have full control. You can do a large cup or one of those pitchers specifically for bathing babies. Prefill water into a bin/large bowl/bucket for them to scoop. If they like music maybe play a favorite song and they can time the "shower " to that?, And the younger one will do baths. We will give choices. She has a PDA personality type and gets her “heckles up” when she perceives she’s being given an order. It’s just mentally exhausting having to strategize this much at this point!, My daughter will. She’s 9. But then she will sometimes refuse to get her head wet. So it’s only halfway effective. We have done goggles but she usually complains they leak. The soap makes them leaky!, We currently do it at home. Once in a while for my daughter she feels like it’s fun do it at the pool lockers, but usually they are closing after her practice. We have also had days where we just use washcloths at the sink. I can’t imagine how that feels better., I was fine with it, too, but my son is almost 12 and the smell is getting worse by the week. I hate puberty., I will look for the bath paint. That might help my daughter!, I’m glad we’re not alone. My son is 12 and I feel like he wants privacy, but will stand in the shower without shampooing if I don’t monitor him., I second the shower head idea. Maybe one with lots of different settings? One may appeal to him. Also perhaps try one that’s detachable - my son definitely took to that when he realized he could control where the water would go., The hygiene angle might work. They both love Cells at Work. So if we researched what the germs on your skin do and the science behind showering/bathing it might help!, They are older. Daughter is 9 and son is almost 12. He does like hot wheels, though. He is super picky and says that the texture of different waters are different. I generally have to tell him when the shower is happening and then walk him in there. And he has a certain amount of time to get in the shower. Then I come in to see if he has shampoo in his hair. He was locking the door and just pretending to shower., I’m sorry you’re going through that. It is hard to find ways to get them to do things. I hope you find some answers and things get better!, Since she’s PDA maybe y’all can sit down with a calendar and let her make a schedule for herself. My son loves to have his own checklist and do things himself. It can also help to have a visual so she knows what to expect and when., Do you have a shower or a bathtub? My daughter likes the bath but hates getting her hair clean (she’s got super curly hair). She’ll deal with it if we can distract her. We put an audiobook and she focuses on it she that helps. Could that be a solution for your kid?, I know! Let's just not even mention hormones! 🥴 My mum had the same issue with my brother in his teens in the end she was outright blunt "YOU STINK! You need a shower/bath now" it might be worth a try., Definitely not alone. My almost 10 year old is exactly the same. He has a lot of anxieties and wants the privacy but doesn’t want to be alone. I got a shower liner that’s clear but has a pattern that obscures things so he feels a bit better. I still have to shampoo his hair because he’s nervous about getting it in his eyes., That's a good idea. It's hard to not freak them out but still get across we need to be clean. I remember I showered a bit more after seeing a pic of an eyelash mite lol, Will they take baths? You can add toys to the bath and see if it makes it fun. My kid hates water on his face and head. He wear his swim goggles in the shower. Maybe you can be like oo we’re going swimming in the shower? Lol My kid is 10 and it’s a struggle. But for me I make him a snack when he gets home from school , shower with goggles and then he is allowed to do preferred item. It works 4-5 days out of the week, At the minute we're bathing my nephew in a plastic storage box. He goes through phases of loving the bath and hating it., Maybe get them to bath at home, it’s more relaxing and you have more flexibility to negotiate., I thought I was doing well with getting child to shower and wash hair once a week. Does prefer a bath to a shower as they feel different getting out of a bath to getting out of a shower., Target has bath paint ($1 each, they're $1.25 at Dollar Tree! Ha!) and I give them paint brushes. Target also has bath crayons (in the same dollar area). I also allow Popsicles in the tub, tablet on the counter, just about anything to keep them entertained!, My son only takes baths. He’s had a strong fear of the shower his whole life. We put like 50 toys in the bath there almost isn’t room for him lol but he loves the sensory aspect of it and he asks for baths. He also doesn’t like warm water so he takes cold baths. Weird to me but he’s happy and clean so who cares lol, If it’s a sensory thing maybe a bath or trying a different setting on the shower head. I struggle with my son, as well. The only thing that helped is a clear shower curtain and sitting outside the tub and chatting while he showered. We still only shower like 1xweek but the fight over it is exhausting, We are all like that here. I can not stand the feeling of water on my skin, I despise it. So I emphasise why my kids don't like it. I feel like my skin is crawling and I can literally feel stuff oozing in and out my pores while in the bath or shower. My son's are older tho so I just tell them I emphasise but we have to have basic hygiene to be healthy. I agree if you have a bath add toys or foam soap, something to distract from the sensory icks, I agree with commenter saying try to make it fun! My son personally loves toys in his bath and he enjoys bubble baths, bath bombs. For the shower he likes to use the shower head and "clean" his toys with a toothbrush also and rinsing it off. There's also shower steamers which add to the sensory. There's tons of bath toy things like bath paints and crayons, foam blocks, maybe even get some things like a bath pillow so they can relax, bath toy fountain, goggles like taygnada said. Maybe help them make bath time "theirs" by going to the store and allowing them to pick out their own shampoo and body wash, and their own bath toys. Lots of options!!, I don't know the age of your kids. Is there any way to add their special interests to the shower or bath? Possibly adding sensory input or taking it away, such as making the bath body temperature, adding a music player, using scented or scentless soap. Would goggles help or a bath visor to keep the water off of their faces? We had success with color changing matchbox cars. They change colors in hot water or cold water, so we have a bowl of ice water and a plastic ramp. Color-changing bath tabs are fun. I keep plastic water bottles and add one color per bottle so he can experience with mixing the colors. I know they make color foams to play with. There are also bath marble runs that stick to the side of the shower. edit: Do they like negotiations? You could think about the least you feel comfortable with- like would wiping down with body wipes be enough? Maybe that would be a compromise everyone can live with., What about soaping up with a washcloth and then pouring water over themselves to rinse(in the shower stall)? Different sensation than a shower and they have full control. You can do a large cup or one of those pitchers specifically for bathing babies. Prefill water into a bin/large bowl/bucket for them to scoop. If they like music maybe play a favorite song and they can time the "shower " to that?, And the younger one will do baths. We will give choices. She has a PDA personality type and gets her “heckles up” when she perceives she’s being given an order. It’s just mentally exhausting having to strategize this much at this point!, My daughter will. She’s 9. But then she will sometimes refuse to get her head wet. So it’s only halfway effective. We have done goggles but she usually complains they leak. The soap makes them leaky!, We currently do it at home. Once in a while for my daughter she feels like it’s fun do it at the pool lockers, but usually they are closing after her practice. We have also had days where we just use washcloths at the sink. I can’t imagine how that feels better., I was fine with it, too, but my son is almost 12 and the smell is getting worse by the week. I hate puberty., I will look for the bath paint. That might help my daughter!, I’m glad we’re not alone. My son is 12 and I feel like he wants privacy, but will stand in the shower without shampooing if I don’t monitor him., I second the shower head idea. Maybe one with lots of different settings? One may appeal to him. Also perhaps try one that’s detachable - my son definitely took to that when he realized he could control where the water would go., The hygiene angle might work. They both love Cells at Work. So if we researched what the germs on your skin do and the science behind showering/bathing it might help!, They are older. Daughter is 9 and son is almost 12. He does like hot wheels, though. He is super picky and says that the texture of different waters are different. I generally have to tell him when the shower is happening and then walk him in there. And he has a certain amount of time to get in the shower. Then I come in to see if he has shampoo in his hair. He was locking the door and just pretending to shower., I’m sorry you’re going through that. It is hard to find ways to get them to do things. I hope you find some answers and things get better!, Since she’s PDA maybe y’all can sit down with a calendar and let her make a schedule for herself. My son loves to have his own checklist and do things himself. It can also help to have a visual so she knows what to expect and when., Do you have a shower or a bathtub? My daughter likes the bath but hates getting her hair clean (she’s got super curly hair). She’ll deal with it if we can distract her. We put an audiobook and she focuses on it she that helps. Could that be a solution for your kid?, I know! Let's just not even mention hormones! 🥴 My mum had the same issue with my brother in his teens in the end she was outright blunt "YOU STINK! You need a shower/bath now" it might be worth a try., Definitely not alone. My almost 10 year old is exactly the same. He has a lot of anxieties and wants the privacy but doesn’t want to be alone. I got a shower liner that’s clear but has a pattern that obscures things so he feels a bit better. I still have to shampoo his hair because he’s nervous about getting it in his eyes., That's a good idea. It's hard to not freak them out but still get across we need to be clean. I remember I showered a bit more after seeing a pic of an eyelash mite lol, Will they take baths? You can add toys to the bath and see if it makes it fun. My kid hates water on his face and head. He wear his swim goggles in the shower. Maybe you can be like oo we’re going swimming in the shower? Lol My kid is 10 and it’s a struggle. But for me I make him a snack when he gets home from school , shower with goggles and then he is allowed to do preferred item. It works 4-5 days out of the week, At the minute we're bathing my nephew in a plastic storage box. He goes through phases of loving the bath and hating it., Maybe get them to bath at home, it’s more relaxing and you have more flexibility to negotiate., I thought I was doing well with getting child to shower and wash hair once a week. Does prefer a bath to a shower as they feel different getting out of a bath to getting out of a shower., Target has bath paint ($1 each, they're $1.25 at Dollar Tree! Ha!) and I give them paint brushes. Target also has bath crayons (in the same dollar area). I also allow Popsicles in the tub, tablet on the counter, just about anything to keep them entertained!, My son only takes baths. He’s had a strong fear of the shower his whole life. We put like 50 toys in the bath there almost isn’t room for him lol but he loves the sensory aspect of it and he asks for baths. He also doesn’t like warm water so he takes cold baths. Weird to me but he’s happy and clean so who cares lol, If it’s a sensory thing maybe a bath or trying a different setting on the shower head. I struggle with my son, as well. The only thing that helped is a clear shower curtain and sitting outside the tub and chatting while he showered. We still only shower like 1xweek but the fight over it is exhausting, We are all like that here. I can not stand the feeling of water on my skin, I despise it. So I emphasise why my kids don't like it. I feel like my skin is crawling and I can literally feel stuff oozing in and out my pores while in the bath or shower. My son's are older tho so I just tell them I emphasise but we have to have basic hygiene to be healthy. I agree if you have a bath add toys or foam soap, something to distract from the sensory icks, I agree with commenter saying try to make it fun! My son personally loves toys in his bath and he enjoys bubble baths, bath bombs. For the shower he likes to use the shower head and "clean" his toys with a toothbrush also and rinsing it off. There's also shower steamers which add to the sensory. There's tons of bath toy things like bath paints and crayons, foam blocks, maybe even get some things like a bath pillow so they can relax, bath toy fountain, goggles like taygnada said. Maybe help them make bath time "theirs" by going to the store and allowing them to pick out their own shampoo and body wash, and their own bath toys. Lots of options!!, I don't know the age of your kids. Is there any way to add their special interests to the shower or bath? Possibly adding sensory input or taking it away, such as making the bath body temperature, adding a music player, using scented or scentless soap. Would goggles help or a bath visor to keep the water off of their faces? We had success with color changing matchbox cars. They change colors in hot water or cold water, so we have a bowl of ice water and a plastic ramp. Color-changing bath tabs are fun. I keep plastic water bottles and add one color per bottle so he can experience with mixing the colors. I know they make color foams to play with. There are also bath marble runs that stick to the side of the shower. edit: Do they like negotiations? You could think about the least you feel comfortable with- like would wiping down with body wipes be enough? Maybe that would be a compromise everyone can live with., What about soaping up with a washcloth and then pouring water over themselves to rinse(in the shower stall)? Different sensation than a shower and they have full control. You can do a large cup or one of those pitchers specifically for bathing babies. Prefill water into a bin/large bowl/bucket for them to scoop. If they like music maybe play a favorite song and they can time the "shower " to that?, And the younger one will do baths. We will give choices. She has a PDA personality type and gets her “heckles up” when she perceives she’s being given an order. It’s just mentally exhausting having to strategize this much at this point!, My daughter will. She’s 9. But then she will sometimes refuse to get her head wet. So it’s only halfway effective. We have done goggles but she usually complains they leak. The soap makes them leaky!, We currently do it at home. Once in a while for my daughter she feels like it’s fun do it at the pool lockers, but usually they are closing after her practice. We have also had days where we just use washcloths at the sink. I can’t imagine how that feels better., I was fine with it, too, but my son is almost 12 and the smell is getting worse by the week. I hate puberty., I will look for the bath paint. That might help my daughter!, I’m glad we’re not alone. My son is 12 and I feel like he wants privacy, but will stand in the shower without shampooing if I don’t monitor him., I second the shower head idea. Maybe one with lots of different settings? One may appeal to him. Also perhaps try one that’s detachable - my son definitely took to that when he realized he could control where the water would go., The hygiene angle might work. They both love Cells at Work. So if we researched what the germs on your skin do and the science behind showering/bathing it might help!, They are older. Daughter is 9 and son is almost 12. He does like hot wheels, though. He is super picky and says that the texture of different waters are different. I generally have to tell him when the shower is happening and then walk him in there. And he has a certain amount of time to get in the shower. Then I come in to see if he has shampoo in his hair. He was locking the door and just pretending to shower., I’m sorry you’re going through that. It is hard to find ways to get them to do things. I hope you find some answers and things get better!, Since she’s PDA maybe y’all can sit down with a calendar and let her make a schedule for herself. My son loves to have his own checklist and do things himself. It can also help to have a visual so she knows what to expect and when., Do you have a shower or a bathtub? My daughter likes the bath but hates getting her hair clean (she’s got super curly hair). She’ll deal with it if we can distract her. We put an audiobook and she focuses on it she that helps. Could that be a solution for your kid?, I know! Let's just not even mention hormones! 🥴 My mum had the same issue with my brother in his teens in the end she was outright blunt "YOU STINK! You need a shower/bath now" it might be worth a try., Definitely not alone. My almost 10 year old is exactly the same. He has a lot of anxieties and wants the privacy but doesn’t want to be alone. I got a shower liner that’s clear but has a pattern that obscures things so he feels a bit better. I still have to shampoo his hair because he’s nervous about getting it in his eyes., That's a good idea. It's hard to not freak them out but still get across we need to be clean. I remember I showered a bit more after seeing a pic of an eyelash mite lol, Will they take baths? You can add toys to the bath and see if it makes it fun. My kid hates water on his face and head. He wear his swim goggles in the shower. Maybe you can be like oo we’re going swimming in the shower? Lol My kid is 10 and it’s a struggle. But for me I make him a snack when he gets home from school , shower with goggles and then he is allowed to do preferred item. It works 4-5 days out of the week, At the minute we're bathing my nephew in a plastic storage box. He goes through phases of loving the bath and hating it., Maybe get them to bath at home, it’s more relaxing and you have more flexibility to negotiate., I thought I was doing well with getting child to shower and wash hair once a week. Does prefer a bath to a shower as they feel different getting out of a bath to getting out of a shower., Target has bath paint ($1 each, they're $1.25 at Dollar Tree! Ha!) and I give them paint brushes. Target also has bath crayons (in the same dollar area). I also allow Popsicles in the tub, tablet on the counter, just about anything to keep them entertained!, My son only takes baths. He’s had a strong fear of the shower his whole life. We put like 50 toys in the bath there almost isn’t room for him lol but he loves the sensory aspect of it and he asks for baths. He also doesn’t like warm water so he takes cold baths. Weird to me but he’s happy and clean so who cares lol, If it’s a sensory thing maybe a bath or trying a different setting on the shower head. I struggle with my son, as well. The only thing that helped is a clear shower curtain and sitting outside the tub and chatting while he showered. We still only shower like 1xweek but the fight over it is exhausting, We are all like that here. I can not stand the feeling of water on my skin, I despise it. So I emphasise why my kids don't like it. I feel like my skin is crawling and I can literally feel stuff oozing in and out my pores while in the bath or shower. My son's are older tho so I just tell them I emphasise but we have to have basic hygiene to be healthy. I agree if you have a bath add toys or foam soap, something to distract from the sensory icks, I agree with commenter saying try to make it fun! My son personally loves toys in his bath and he enjoys bubble baths, bath bombs. For the shower he likes to use the shower head and "clean" his toys with a toothbrush also and rinsing it off. There's also shower steamers which add to the sensory. There's tons of bath toy things like bath paints and crayons, foam blocks, maybe even get some things like a bath pillow so they can relax, bath toy fountain, goggles like taygnada said. Maybe help them make bath time "theirs" by going to the store and allowing them to pick out their own shampoo and body wash, and their own bath toys. Lots of options!!, I don't know the age of your kids. Is there any way to add their special interests to the shower or bath? Possibly adding sensory input or taking it away, such as making the bath body temperature, adding a music player, using scented or scentless soap. Would goggles help or a bath visor to keep the water off of their faces? We had success with color changing matchbox cars. They change colors in hot water or cold water, so we have a bowl of ice water and a plastic ramp. Color-changing bath tabs are fun. I keep plastic water bottles and add one color per bottle so he can experience with mixing the colors. I know they make color foams to play with. There are also bath marble runs that stick to the side of the shower. edit: Do they like negotiations? You could think about the least you feel comfortable with- like would wiping down with body wipes be enough? Maybe that would be a compromise everyone can live with., What about soaping up with a washcloth and then pouring water over themselves to rinse(in the shower stall)? Different sensation than a shower and they have full control. You can do a large cup or one of those pitchers specifically for bathing babies. Prefill water into a bin/large bowl/bucket for them to scoop. If they like music maybe play a favorite song and they can time the "shower " to that?, And the younger one will do baths. We will give choices. She has a PDA personality type and gets her “heckles up” when she perceives she’s being given an order. It’s just mentally exhausting having to strategize this much at this point!, My daughter will. She’s 9. But then she will sometimes refuse to get her head wet. So it’s only halfway effective. We have done goggles but she usually complains they leak. The soap makes them leaky!, We currently do it at home. Once in a while for my daughter she feels like it’s fun do it at the pool lockers, but usually they are closing after her practice. We have also had days where we just use washcloths at the sink. I can’t imagine how that feels better., I was fine with it, too, but my son is almost 12 and the smell is getting worse by the week. I hate puberty., I will look for the bath paint. That might help my daughter!, I’m glad we’re not alone. My son is 12 and I feel like he wants privacy, but will stand in the shower without shampooing if I don’t monitor him., I second the shower head idea. Maybe one with lots of different settings? One may appeal to him. Also perhaps try one that’s detachable - my son definitely took to that when he realized he could control where the water would go., The hygiene angle might work. They both love Cells at Work. So if we researched what the germs on your skin do and the science behind showering/bathing it might help!, They are older. Daughter is 9 and son is almost 12. He does like hot wheels, though. He is super picky and says that the texture of different waters are different. I generally have to tell him when the shower is happening and then walk him in there. And he has a certain amount of time to get in the shower. Then I come in to see if he has shampoo in his hair. He was locking the door and just pretending to shower., I’m sorry you’re going through that. It is hard to find ways to get them to do things. I hope you find some answers and things get better!, Since she’s PDA maybe y’all can sit down with a calendar and let her make a schedule for herself. My son loves to have his own checklist and do things himself. It can also help to have a visual so she knows what to expect and when., Do you have a shower or a bathtub? My daughter likes the bath but hates getting her hair clean (she’s got super curly hair). She’ll deal with it if we can distract her. We put an audiobook and she focuses on it she that helps. Could that be a solution for your kid?, I know! Let's just not even mention hormones! 🥴 My mum had the same issue with my brother in his teens in the end she was outright blunt "YOU STINK! You need a shower/bath now" it might be worth a try., Definitely not alone. My almost 10 year old is exactly the same. He has a lot of anxieties and wants the privacy but doesn’t want to be alone. I got a shower liner that’s clear but has a pattern that obscures things so he feels a bit better. I still have to shampoo his hair because he’s nervous about getting it in his eyes., That's a good idea. It's hard to not freak them out but still get across we need to be clean. I remember I showered a bit more after seeing a pic of an eyelash mite lol

Behavior Issues at School

I have a 7 year old son who has always had a terrible time at school. Since preschool, reports would come home of him hitting, having meltdowns, etc. This year, the school told me that he has autism, and that we need to get a diagnosis from the hospital. He is academically advanced, but has major challenges socially and emotionally. I had to have this huge meeting with the school counselors, special ed teachers, phsychologist, etc. The meeting felt promising, they said they were going to try to get an aid to assist him in class. Until then, they have him on 1/2 days. That was about a month ago. It’s very rare that he gets so disregulated at home that he goes into a full on meltdown, but it is a daily occurrence at school. I feel so lost and confused. All of my social media has become all sorts of autism content, and it’s overwhelming. I’m reaching out to find out anything you can share that helped you make sense of how to best parent your autistic child, and how to navigate the school system. Thank you!

One of the things I found most helpful when I was just starting to understand my kid was learning from autistic adults. Although there’s a lot that I know about my kid, I don’t know what it’s like to be a neurological minority in a world that was largely designed for neurotypical people, so I try to get that perspective as much as I can. There were also a few books that I found helpful — Uniquely Human by Barry Prizant, Neurotribes by Steve Silberman., Thank you!, One of the things I found most helpful when I was just starting to understand my kid was learning from autistic adults. Although there’s a lot that I know about my kid, I don’t know what it’s like to be a neurological minority in a world that was largely designed for neurotypical people, so I try to get that perspective as much as I can. There were also a few books that I found helpful — Uniquely Human by Barry Prizant, Neurotribes by Steve Silberman., Thank you!, One of the things I found most helpful when I was just starting to understand my kid was learning from autistic adults. Although there’s a lot that I know about my kid, I don’t know what it’s like to be a neurological minority in a world that was largely designed for neurotypical people, so I try to get that perspective as much as I can. There were also a few books that I found helpful — Uniquely Human by Barry Prizant, Neurotribes by Steve Silberman., Thank you!, One of the things I found most helpful when I was just starting to understand my kid was learning from autistic adults. Although there’s a lot that I know about my kid, I don’t know what it’s like to be a neurological minority in a world that was largely designed for neurotypical people, so I try to get that perspective as much as I can. There were also a few books that I found helpful — Uniquely Human by Barry Prizant, Neurotribes by Steve Silberman., Thank you!

Being an autism parent is tough.

I love my boy so much I couldn’t ask for a better child. But why did my son have to be autistic and non verbal? Is this my punishment for something i did? It’s so hard seeing other parents with there toddlers who are talking and playing with purposeful play. People stairing at my son running back and forth flapping his arms with their ignorance. Days are just getting harder and harder. I hate being around other people now and want to go to places when no one’s around. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Some days are better than others today’s just not that day. Going through a divorce and living separately, so much harder with my boy and he’s so out of routine. This just isn’t what i pictured my life being. It’s absolute hell and everyone’s so ignorant to your emotions and what it takes to raise an autistic child. I just want to be alone forever.

Just focus on giving your child good memories and a fun day instead of what others think. If he is not being disruptive then he has all rights to that space as well ( park, beach etc). Some people are actual idiots, some are curious and others are maybe feeling awkward because they don’t wanna look like idiots, I just came to say I think it's even harder when you have a spouse that doesn't put in fraction of the work you do with your child. I'm on the fast track for divorce as well right now and it's making it even harder to parent., You’re right. Parenting is incredibly difficult, particularly when your child is neurodivergent. It’s impossible to pin the reason down to one particular thing. You speak about punishment but that’s down to your own particular belief system. There’s also genetics and plenty of other possible causes, and you’ll never really know for sure, so I suppose the answer to the question “Why?”, is simply “Because”. People will stare - A lot of behaviours our kids display is unusual, and it’s normal for people to be curious or surprised by it. That doesn’t always mean they’re judging or being critical, and that’s important to remember. You said in your post that some days are better than others, and that’s important to remember. It’s not always this bad. Your divorce and change of routine is making things worse, but that will settle and you and your son will become used to it. I don’t think parenting, neurodivergent or otherwise, is ever how people picture it. We don’t know the tough parts until it’s too late. But, we made the decision to have a child, so we have no choice to keep going and keep parenting. Some people will be ignorant, but many not, and those numbers are changing in a positive way every day., I have the constant frustration that my son got dealt a crappy hand and I have no one to blame for it. I’m used to it but it still bothers me sometimes. I’ve genuinely stopped caring what others think. I just try to be the best dad I can even if some days I’m just barely keeping him clean and fed and content as possible. It was harder when I couldn’t really tell if he was having a good or bad day but he’s slowly becoming more expressive and life is slowly improving. I have no advice. You’re not alone., I heard from parents in another support group that parenting is 10 times harder for parents of ND kids. I would go a step further and say that within the spectrum things get a lot harder depending on where you are. For me seeing joy and happiness on my kid’s face, whenever it happens, makes my day. Being part of parent support groups helps. Seeing progress in my kid helps. Small wins add up., Whenever you're going through hell...you realise that people are actually shit. I have this theory. I believe that people like you and me, parents of autistic children, know reality better than most people. And the simple fact that we carry on fighting each day, struggling for our children, truly makes us BETTER human beings. These s.o.b's don't know how incredibly lucky they are. They are utterly ignorant. And stupid , most of the time. You have my permission (and everyone else's) to hate, despise and look down upon them. I know I do. It's the least I can do. If you're an adult human being and you haven't learned compassion and the act of NOT judging immediately everything you lay your eyes upon, you are a failed human being. I've dealt with this myself. People judge because they are stupid. Period. There is no mystery behind it. So FUCK THEM. learn to be rude. Learn to fight for yourself. Learn to make people feel uncomfortable when they deserve it. Don't apologise and let them get away with it. People should be treating you better.You deserve it. Your child deserves it. I don't care if I get downvoted, this is the truth., Hey there. I’m sorry you’re having a moment. I wanted to offer some solidarity. I’m in the process of divorcing my husband. Our youngest son (4yo) was just diagnosed with moderate autism. I think he’s mostly nonverbal. Most of his language is repeating songs, cartoons, video games or YouTube clips. Not much of it is functional. I’m still new to all of this. I have no clue where things will go with him or how he’ll be affected when my spouse finally gets a job and moves out. The worry for him and the feeling of being judged can be profound and crappy. On the other hand, like you, I think my boy is an amazing treasure. I wish I could know more about his inner world, but I love the magic that I get to see. When I look at him and experience just being tuned into him, I’m so happy. So that’s what I try to do. Others be damned. I actually have 3 boys. My middle one (7yo) is fighting cancer and that really broke my “fucks given for the opinions of others” button, tbh. It definitely made me less upset when I learned that my youngest has autism. When I learned of my middle son’s diagnosis, the entire world felt like a terrifying lie. I watched a sunset falling behind Palm trees in my backyard I marveled that all the beauty was window dressing to some of the worst anguish imaginable. …but that was a year and a half ago, and I’ll be damned, life got better. He’s still fighting hard, and he’s slowly getting better too. Life won’t ever be the same again, but that’s ok. Pediatric cancer sharpened my wits and gave me some real shrewd prioritizing abilities. So, that’s a gain amongst the losses. He’s living his best life; he doesn’t really understand that he got cheated. He just does his own awesome thing. I have some incredible kids! I know telling someone to have hope feels hollow when you’re hurting badly for your child. So, I won’t do that. All I’ll say is I hear your pain and I’ll show you the rainbows I found after I thought I’d never see another one, and I’ll have hope for you and your child., I often semi jokingly call being a parent to an autistic child parenting on hard mode ( maybe I just play too many video games or at least used to). My kiddo was diagnosed at 2.5 roughly he is autistic and non verbal. Parents to normal developmental children don't get it, and I stopped expecting them to. There is so much that goes into it I just realized I can't expect them to understand. Try to create routines you can stick to no matter how simple they are. I am sure you already know how much they like routine. Enjoy the moments when you can, take a breath whenever you can and remember almost everything is ( relatively) short lived. Right now things are chaotic, hectic and probably very sad, it won't stay like that. Here is to hoping for a better tomorrow!, I have one autistic non verbal son and one younger son who is NT and chats and plays and jokes…. If I focus on comparison it would kill me every day as it’s so brazen in my own home not just when we’re out. So I don’t. I can’t. Would people expect a fish to climb a tree and a monkey swim in the ocean etc? I know it’s so hard, and I send you hugs and a knowing smile and I hope you can do some nice things for yourself to fill your cup whilst your child is with your ex to really focus on you being happy in yourself, so when you have your child you don’t care what others think and you can enjoy and accept them for who they are. Which I know you already likely do but it’s so easy to be dragged back there when feeling sad for other reasons. I hope the divorce goes ok and your child can thrive in their new routine and same for you ♥️, I know how you feel. Wish I could make things better for all of us!, I’m sitting here with my non verbal 6 year old sitting on me while I try to work. I feel you. If you’re in the Seattle area DM me, I’d love some autist friends., I don't know ebay got believe but I'll add you and your baby to my prayers tonight along with my baby 🙏🏾 sending you big hugs love and we'll wishes that things get better, Other people judge parents all the time, whether the children are ND or not. For your child’s sake, you cannot let their judgement inhibit you., It sounds like you’re going through a lot of social upheaval and losing a relationship. It’s easy to blame this on your child. He’s right there in front of you. Every time you feel shame, it makes you are prickly and painful and you just want to let it out on *someone* who *deserves* it. So, my recommendation: Take a deep breath. Ok. You are very hurt. You need to understand and own that. It is known that the human brain doesn’t differentiate between emotional pain/wounds and physical ones. And the immediate and most instinctual reaction to being hurt is to lash out. If you were in the jungle and a leopard attacked you, you would immediately fight back. So your brain is telling you that the emotional overwhelm you’re going through has to have a cause. It’s “looking for the leopard.” The problem is that when people add to your emotional overwhelm, it’s easy to want to unload *everything* on them. I will be honest. I am autistic. My kids are too. Sometimes they can be extremely embarrassing. Sometimes so can I. I mask pretty well but that’s got its own problems at the end of the day. It is exhausting. And being infodumped at by two people about things I don’t find interesting personally makes me feel like my brain is on fire. It is so obvious that you need help. You need emotional support from someone who can help you to release your feelings in a healthy way. You need time away from your son to feel like an autonomous person. Needing help is not a failure. How can you build a support network? It can be hard. Sometimes there are autism family or parenting groups you can join where your child can be with other autistic people and you will feel more like you belong. I will say that at the end of the day, your feelings are valid and need release. AND your son does not deserve to be the repository for your pain. Please understand that autistic people can think very deeply. Your son’s flapping and unusual expression of bodily behavior is helping him to regulate and process. Inside he is recording everything he sees and experiences. Your behavior is a roadmap for what he sees as normal. If he is hit or treated with cruelty, he will have a worldview that this is expected behavior. If you show him unhealthy coping mechanisms for emotional overwhelm, he will take that to heart. You’re not an “autism mom.” You’re a mom. And your child deserves a healthy and emotionally well you. You deserve that. Please reach out., I know how you feel ❤️. I’ve just returned from Disneyland Paris with my daughter and 6 year old grandson. He is not totally nonverbal he can communicate his needs and wants with 1-2 words together. However, we experienced dirty looks, glaring and downright rude behaviour from quite a few people and it pissed me off and ruined my day (he sometimes hums as a stim). I’ve always been quite positive about his autism and tried to look on the bright side so that my daughter doesn’t feel down about can be in a position to ensure he gets the best possible help. I support her and her partner (his dad) a lot. But my experience these last few days has saddened me and brought me down. people can be really cruel. Other children you expect it but from adults it just seems nasty. And yes, I too wish he wasn’t autistic and wonder why him?!, I went through divorce just recently with a non verbal high needs child. I know the feels but don’t see it as a punishment. He’s a badass and it doesn’t make him any lesser. Worth every bit of losing sleep and injury. Love the dude, I’m in the same boat, 6 non verbal, separate households. My son just recently became conscious of things. It will get better. It will get better., ❤️🤟, Also in this boat myself. Currently separated and hoping for reconciliation. But the emotional burden of parenting (and helping our kiddo get regulated) almost solely falls on me, and I’m exhausted. It almost seems easier and less tiring when the other spouse isn’t around and escalating things by checking out or prioritizing his own comfort vs comfort of the group as a whole., YES 🙌 this right here, Thanks for the response. I know sometimes it’s just good to hear it from someone else. I’m just a burnt out dad trying to hold on., >Being part of parent support groups helps This. Finding a local parent group (run by the local county Autism society) was HUGE for my wife and I. Being able to talk and bounce ideas around with other parents who understood the challenges was a life changer for us. Prior to that all we had was folks all around us that had no idea (along with the judgement, apathy, and/or misunderstanding) and professionals who were great at pinpointing and working on specific issues but couldn't offer the "it takes a village/community" support., You couldn’t have said it any better. This is exactly how i feel too. People really are just stuck on stupid and the typical “it’s supposed to be like this life we see on TV”. Also society has failed to educate others on differences in others., Thank you so much for this well written response. It means a lot and i appreciate it. Im sorry about the troubles you’ve been through as well. If you want to enjoy the rainbow, be prepared to navigate the storm. ❤️🤟, Thanks really needed that! ❤️, Really need to read that thank you. Hope you and family have a great 2024. ❤️🥹, Same ✊, Im not letting it inhibit me. Today it just got to me. Usually i could care less. Sometimes it just takes that one thing to push you over the edge when you’re barely hanging on., I relate here. Being autistic and parent to an autistic child is very hard mode, Well im not a mom but thanks. Im not blaming my son what so ever he’s my favorite person. He’s my hero and we spend a lot of time together. Some days are just harder then others is all. Most of the time i don’t let it get to me but today it did. Im just venting to other autism parents who most likely understand. I can’t tell no body else they look at me like I have 10 heads and say it’s not that bad he’s happy…., Thanks for the response i think you really understood my post more than most. Im not blaming him or anything im his biggest fan and support him to the max. Just some days its really hard especially at a busy place when its already overwhelming enough ,then you have rude people who wont even budge out of your way, gock at your child like he’s not a human. Yes you have to have leather skin but sometimes it hurts., I don’t mean he’s a punishment. Nor did i ever say he’s any less. I just don’t like autism and it took a lot from me. I love my son, he’s my hero, and reason for living. The dude is loved very much., Oh my God I thought I was the only one who felt that way. It is so much easier when he isn't home then when he is. It's so hard for me to keep my mouth shut when he sits on his fat ass laughing at TV and Im trying to figure out how to not to loose my shit completely and raise best humans I can., My so called husband has the mindset since he works out of the house 8 hours a day that he should never have to do a thing at the house including simply taking the trash out. I told him I was struggling on Tuesday and feeling suicidal so I didn't know how much would get done around the house, all 3 of kids are home plus my youngest (3) who is autistic is being super rigid on top of what he usually is. So since my so called partner had to take the trash out (he had to ask me the gate code to even grt to the outdoor trash cans) that's how often he does it, he has now refused to talk to me since, locks himself in our room when he's home , and now refusing to pay rent. Edit to add: on Tuesday I pulled enough energy together to make sure kids were good all day and feed. I also did laundry so he would have his clothes all layed out and made dinner that he then refused to eat., I get that. I’m a burnt out dad too. I think as dads we struggle in some ways (not all) more than mothers do as it’s still taboo in many ways for men to admit they’re struggling., Whoops. Sorry about the autism mom thing. I thought I saw that in your post., As another autistic parent, seek therapy for yourself. Get tools to deal with the divorce and raising your kid. The change of family structure and routine will impact your kid's behavior. And you being nearly burnt out just won't be able to deal with it so well (can't pour from an empty cup). Also, focus on getting him a speech therapist that works with AAC (augmentative alternative communication). He may be non speaking but he can communicate in a different way., Yep! Definitely not alone. Thankfully my spouse is helpful around the house, but everything that takes any emotional or mental energy with parenting our kiddo on the spectrum is left for me (we only have one—and no more for us). As I type this, I’m in the backseat on hour 8 of a long drive with our kiddo screaming at me and losing his shit, and I calmly told my spouse (who is driving) that I’d like things to feel a bit more equal and so I want to drive on the way back. And he literally said to me “why do you need things to feel equal? You’re being disregulated right now.” (Of course I’m disregulated. I’ve been sitting next to our kid for 8 hours playing snack servant and doing my best to help him not absolutely lose it from sitting still for so long.) 😭 THE PATIENCE it takes to be his spouse and the parent of a kid on the spectrum is……… next level. Sometimes I imagine that it’s worth more being tired by myself caring for my kiddo and house chores all by myself than the emotional exhaustion that comes from being his spouse., Sounds like my life..why im going through divorce. It’s like having another child to deal with. And like with your husband there was no communication what so ever. It’s hard to stay together and it’s hard to divorce there’s no in between., As a mom I partially agree. My ex didn’t know how to handle this. I suspect he suffered from post partum depression after our second child and decided to divorce rather than having to deal with this. I was heartbroken at first but now I’m looking forward to divorce. I’ll get a couple free weekends a month and the opportunity to meet someone that will value me. Hang in there. Who cares what anyone thinks. Focus on making your kid happy. You got this, See in my post I didn’t describe my whole life. My son is non verbal but communicates through an AAC device already a little bit he’s only 4. He’s a very busy man with a lot of appointments. I was just venting to people who would understand. First time I’ve had a bad day like that in a long time., Girl you and me are sadly stuck in similar lives. In 2021 my baby screamed for 3 1/2 hours STRAIGHT, like meltdown scream and I kept begging for him to pull over and he refused and didn't stop til we got home., Plus the fact he refuses to acknowledge he is autistic to any of his coworkers or anyone. It's just a phase in his eyes. Also doesnt help when his own mother sits by and won't call him on his behavior either as she witnesses it all. She tells me this morning I need to compromise with him...like wtf realty am I in???, I'm not saying you did. And I'm not disagreeing with your venting. I'm sorry you've had a terrible day. And that's good that your kid already has an AAC device, and it's totally okay to use it to communicate. It's just as valid. You both can do this. Hang in there., Omg this sounds so similar…. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too. 🫠🤪, Did you know he was autistic this whole time or after you found out the child was autistic? Lmao yea mommy’s always going to stick up for her widdle boy., Sorry, I wasn't clear I mean my husband hides fact our son has autism and is special needs. He just makes me look out to be a crazy bitch to his coworkers Edit: the autism I think comes from my father who I feel is on the spectrum., Oh lol i gotcha. Yea that’s never good I’ve come to accept my little guy , it is hard at first to accept the autism. But being at odds with your partner just makes it so much harder. Just looking at my ex made my blood boil., Most of what I've read says the source of autism usually comes from the autistic child's father. Not from the mother's side., My daughter's autism is clearly from the mother's side. Aunt and four cousins are on the spectrum.

Best parenting autism podcasts

I’m looking for suggestions on podcasts featuring other parents that can share their stories, tips and a real perspective. Thanks in advance!

- Moms Talk Autism. It’s four ladies with children that have various support needs. They keep it real but also are very humorous. They interview various experts as well as other parents. - The Autism Dad. He has three autistic sons that he raised himself for most of their lives. Lots of good interviews and insights plus he tries to stay positive. I also like his Instagram where he tries to instill an inspirational message daily., Thank you! I have the autism dad but will Definitely subscribe to the moms one, - Moms Talk Autism. It’s four ladies with children that have various support needs. They keep it real but also are very humorous. They interview various experts as well as other parents. - The Autism Dad. He has three autistic sons that he raised himself for most of their lives. Lots of good interviews and insights plus he tries to stay positive. I also like his Instagram where he tries to instill an inspirational message daily., Thank you! I have the autism dad but will Definitely subscribe to the moms one, - Moms Talk Autism. It’s four ladies with children that have various support needs. They keep it real but also are very humorous. They interview various experts as well as other parents. - The Autism Dad. He has three autistic sons that he raised himself for most of their lives. Lots of good interviews and insights plus he tries to stay positive. I also like his Instagram where he tries to instill an inspirational message daily., Thank you! I have the autism dad but will Definitely subscribe to the moms one, - Moms Talk Autism. It’s four ladies with children that have various support needs. They keep it real but also are very humorous. They interview various experts as well as other parents. - The Autism Dad. He has three autistic sons that he raised himself for most of their lives. Lots of good interviews and insights plus he tries to stay positive. I also like his Instagram where he tries to instill an inspirational message daily., Thank you! I have the autism dad but will Definitely subscribe to the moms one

Best storage solution for a kid that dumps toys?

Wondering if I should just get a rectangle ottoman that he can’t open for now. He is two. And just keep a few toys out. He doesn’t play with toys functionally for the most part and once he has learned the toy once won’t do it again. If we rotate it and bring out he will play with it once and then he’s done with it after he has figured it out

I would give him a bucket filled with the appropriate type of toys, blocks or whatever, and let him have fun dumping them., Clear containers and not too deep- we realized if she can’t see it all she dumps it to scan and find what she’s looking for. We took doors off her closet and toys are on a shelf or in a clear bin. Helped a ton, We keep most of our toys in large storage bins and rotate a few toys when they get bored with them. I have two easily accessible bins with new/favorite toys that we rotate. We have a large under bed bin that is filled with kinetic sand. I’ve found that to be the least messy and easiest sensory play. You can scoop it into different sand molds and dump it out together. Also if he doesn’t mouth or try to eat small toys, I really like the rainbow sorting bowl/cup sets with mini dinosaurs or teddy bears on Amazon. With my two year old we play by putting them in the bowls and then dumping them out. It’s like a small scale version of dumping, I just store those in storage bags., Tarps and bins., You put the tarp in teh bin, then lay it on the floor when he pays with that bin, then you just scoop up the tarp and pour it back into the bin., Ooo my son isn't the only one that does this? He doesn't play with almost any of his toys but just HAS to have them dumped out. It's frustrating. If I clean them up when he's not around, they will stay cleaned up for a couple days, but if he sees me put them away, they are dumped out again the first chance he gets. We have a little shelf with storage type cloth boxes(sorry I can't think of the proper term) that we keep his toys in., Thank you! This is great advice, I would give him a bucket filled with the appropriate type of toys, blocks or whatever, and let him have fun dumping them., Clear containers and not too deep- we realized if she can’t see it all she dumps it to scan and find what she’s looking for. We took doors off her closet and toys are on a shelf or in a clear bin. Helped a ton, We keep most of our toys in large storage bins and rotate a few toys when they get bored with them. I have two easily accessible bins with new/favorite toys that we rotate. We have a large under bed bin that is filled with kinetic sand. I’ve found that to be the least messy and easiest sensory play. You can scoop it into different sand molds and dump it out together. Also if he doesn’t mouth or try to eat small toys, I really like the rainbow sorting bowl/cup sets with mini dinosaurs or teddy bears on Amazon. With my two year old we play by putting them in the bowls and then dumping them out. It’s like a small scale version of dumping, I just store those in storage bags., Tarps and bins., You put the tarp in teh bin, then lay it on the floor when he pays with that bin, then you just scoop up the tarp and pour it back into the bin., Ooo my son isn't the only one that does this? He doesn't play with almost any of his toys but just HAS to have them dumped out. It's frustrating. If I clean them up when he's not around, they will stay cleaned up for a couple days, but if he sees me put them away, they are dumped out again the first chance he gets. We have a little shelf with storage type cloth boxes(sorry I can't think of the proper term) that we keep his toys in., Thank you! This is great advice, I would give him a bucket filled with the appropriate type of toys, blocks or whatever, and let him have fun dumping them., Clear containers and not too deep- we realized if she can’t see it all she dumps it to scan and find what she’s looking for. We took doors off her closet and toys are on a shelf or in a clear bin. Helped a ton, We keep most of our toys in large storage bins and rotate a few toys when they get bored with them. I have two easily accessible bins with new/favorite toys that we rotate. We have a large under bed bin that is filled with kinetic sand. I’ve found that to be the least messy and easiest sensory play. You can scoop it into different sand molds and dump it out together. Also if he doesn’t mouth or try to eat small toys, I really like the rainbow sorting bowl/cup sets with mini dinosaurs or teddy bears on Amazon. With my two year old we play by putting them in the bowls and then dumping them out. It’s like a small scale version of dumping, I just store those in storage bags., Tarps and bins., You put the tarp in teh bin, then lay it on the floor when he pays with that bin, then you just scoop up the tarp and pour it back into the bin., Ooo my son isn't the only one that does this? He doesn't play with almost any of his toys but just HAS to have them dumped out. It's frustrating. If I clean them up when he's not around, they will stay cleaned up for a couple days, but if he sees me put them away, they are dumped out again the first chance he gets. We have a little shelf with storage type cloth boxes(sorry I can't think of the proper term) that we keep his toys in., Thank you! This is great advice, I would give him a bucket filled with the appropriate type of toys, blocks or whatever, and let him have fun dumping them., Clear containers and not too deep- we realized if she can’t see it all she dumps it to scan and find what she’s looking for. We took doors off her closet and toys are on a shelf or in a clear bin. Helped a ton, We keep most of our toys in large storage bins and rotate a few toys when they get bored with them. I have two easily accessible bins with new/favorite toys that we rotate. We have a large under bed bin that is filled with kinetic sand. I’ve found that to be the least messy and easiest sensory play. You can scoop it into different sand molds and dump it out together. Also if he doesn’t mouth or try to eat small toys, I really like the rainbow sorting bowl/cup sets with mini dinosaurs or teddy bears on Amazon. With my two year old we play by putting them in the bowls and then dumping them out. It’s like a small scale version of dumping, I just store those in storage bags., Tarps and bins., You put the tarp in teh bin, then lay it on the floor when he pays with that bin, then you just scoop up the tarp and pour it back into the bin., Ooo my son isn't the only one that does this? He doesn't play with almost any of his toys but just HAS to have them dumped out. It's frustrating. If I clean them up when he's not around, they will stay cleaned up for a couple days, but if he sees me put them away, they are dumped out again the first chance he gets. We have a little shelf with storage type cloth boxes(sorry I can't think of the proper term) that we keep his toys in., Thank you! This is great advice

Big troubles in elementary school (kid refuses to go)

I recently found this subreddit, and am amazed by the kind and awesome people here! I am reaching out to you, because we (my wife and me) desperately need advice for our son. I am SO terribly sorry for the fact that this is a really long read, I tried to keep it as short as I can. TL;DR: Our whole family is confused, scared and feeling helpless because our kids refuses to go to school because he is afraid of the teachers. We have a 6-year-old son, who's been diagnosed way back (I think when he was around 4.5). I don't know exactly where on the scale, but from the descriptions, I would guess between ASD 1 and 2. He is verbal (actually likes to talk a lot), really good at math & reading, his main challenges are social interaction, regulating his emotions (particularly anger), and he has very high levels of anxiety. He is getting occupational therapy since a long time, and recently also started therapeutic pedagogy (TEACCH). He started school fall last year, and we were really looking forward to it (it's a class for integrating kids with developmental challenges, but at the same offers possibilities to get access to let them work with older kids in areas where they are advanced). The next part is really hard to explain, because I don't want to get too specific, but there are ... issues with the teachers. They are not communicating with us a lot (and only on their terms), and our son has become so afraid of one of them that he flat-out refuses to go to school since a couple of weeks. Towards us parents, the teachers present a very confusing picture. Sometimes, they are supportive, understanding and helpful. At other times, they blame us for the situation and tell us that our son simply "has" to come to school. Overall, it feels like they are mostly seeing a "overprotective parents that cushion their kid" problem, rather than a "autistic kid that now also has anxiety disorder thanks to the way he was treated at school" problem. What our son tells us, and what is at least partially corrobated from what we see, is that they tend to operate with pressure to get kids to comply. It has gotten to the point that our son now sees every attempt to "make" him do something he does not want to do as coercion. Any attempt to raise this issue with them has been met with "this was a misunderstanding, the situation wasn't like that at all" Psychologically, in the worst phase, our son was waking up at night every other hour with nightmares, he refused to eat, and got progressively more aggressive at home (towards others, but also towards himself). In the end, he was diagnosed with anxiety disorder (assumedly caused by the stressful situation at school). Since recently, the teachers have started to appeal to increasingly higher authorities, starting crisis meetings, etc., and I feel like we are constantly put under pressure to "make" him return to class, and there's a lot of misinformation circulating behind our backs (which we get told 2nd and 3rd hand), and the situation somehow never really calms down. We are, by this point, really afraid of how that will impact our son, and us as a family. We have no idea what the "solution" looks like from the teachers' perspective? We are trying our best to get him back to school (OT, BT, etc.), and follow the general advice to get him to school step-by-step, but the school consistently attempts to "convince" him to stay longer than he feels comfortable - with predictable results. It has gotten to the point where the teachers have now contacted child care (which is pretty scary, TBH). Changing school, from our perspective, is the only way forward, but more immediately, I don't know how to deal with the constant pressure and escalations from the teachers. I understand that it is really hard to judge the situation, because my account is, necessarily, very one-sided. To be entirely honest, sometimes I don't know what I should think myself. Initially, I was firmly convinced that the teachers are putting in a lot of effort, time and resources to really help our son, but I can't help but feeling very very confused about how their current approach should be beneficial for him. Thank you \*very\* much for your time and patience to read until here!

Sounds like your child is rapidly approaching a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Persistent Drive for Autonomy) burnout. Look into PDA and how it affects our kiddos. Removing demands at home would be a good start. Removal from public school might be the answer. As for the teachers...sounds like you might want to approach an advocate to assist with informing the teaching staff about supports and adaptions that your child needs to facilitate learning in an inclusive classroom. Email and CC anyone in the upper levels of the school itself as well as the school district. Like the superintendent. If the school continues to be unhelpful the advocate will be able to point in the next direction. My son is ASD and PDA. Before I changed how I parent him life was...trying...and that's an understatement...However, after I applied a few things his meltdowns started to subside, his language exploded, his personality came back and he has flourished. Literally, he is one of the funniest kids I have ever met. You might not find all the answers you are looking for, however, understanding PDA and its effect on the nervous system will provide a path forward., We had this with my son. We took him out of school to homeschool but for some context I already homeschool his siblings so yeah a lot easier of a transition for me. Also getting on adderall helped PDA! Edit to add : you are not alone!! There are many of us out there and it’s very challenging. I hope it gets better for you guys., That ... sounds extremely interesting, I haven't heard of that before, but the first few online resources I am finding look very promising. Thank you very much! That gives us a whole new avenue to explore for helping him. Regarding the advocate: If I understand you correctly, we tried that (in the country we live in, there's actually quite a bit of support you can get from the government, including expert personnel that comes to the school on an hourly basis. We were told that they are not doing that, because they had bad experiences in the past. Removal from public school altogether is something we are considering, but it's also a scary thought (plus, his therapists point out that interaction with other kids is really important for him, which I think is a very valid point) Thank you very much for your thoughtful & comprehensive response, and I am very happy for you and your son (and it gives me hope) that your situation improved so much!, Thank you so much!, Take a look at @ atpeaceparents on Instagram and see if what she's talking about resonates with you. And also if you do decide to remove your child from public school, remember that it does mean it has to be forever. But for right now, this situation and this particular school is not working for your family. There might be other types of school systems that still offer the interaction with other kids but in a less stressful environment. Our kids are not in a mainstream school but in a wonderful private school (we're not in the US) and if we weren't lucky enough to have that option I'm not sure what we would have done because our PDA/ ASD teenager would absolutely not be coping with school, despite how academically brilliant she is., Will definitely do so, thanks a lot for the pointer! You mean "it does \*not\* have to be forever", right? \*hope\* Yes, we are also looking for private options right now, but the feedback we get is that it is really, really hard to find a place that can cater to our son's needs. And I 100% get what you mean by "not coping with school, despite academically brilliant". I am glad you found a good school for your kid! I guess part of me is simply scared that the teachers believe we are bad/negligent parents and will try to ... well ... "take away" our kid, seeing as how they've involved child care without telling us. Rationally, I know this is not going to happen, but I can't help but feel anxious about it., Yes sorry! \*doesn't have to be forever! An awful part of being a parent of an autistic kid (and more so if your kid has PDA) is that people will judge your parenting! You have to develop a thick skin about it and know that you are always doing what you believe is best for your kid, and the judgey people have no clue what you're dealing with. With PDA this often means 'giving in' which looks like spoiling them; but it really means accommodating a struggling child. Our home lives became a lot less stressful and shouty and a lot fewer evenings ending in tears (mostly mine) when we learnt more about the nervous system overload and being gentle with our child and ourselves. Strict boundaries and strict rules that we were raised with just don't cut it. When we were dealing with school refusal, that meant just letting her stay home sometimes... a lot of times.... but as she moved out of burnout and things got calmer, she loves school and is doing really well there. Things are still incredibly challenging at home, but certainly better than it was in the past. Another Instagram recommendation -- @ ontheharddays -- because sometimes you just need to know you're not alone in what you're dealing with., Reading this did so good, thank you! This is exactly how we are feeling (including the shouting and crying, unfortunately). We are definitely struggling (also ourselves) with the "spoiling" accusations/fears. The school situation is just so scary because we feel powerless (teachers in our country have quite a bit of say, which is often a very good thing) Thank you very much for taking the time, you are sending a very hopeful message!, Sounds like your child is rapidly approaching a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Persistent Drive for Autonomy) burnout. Look into PDA and how it affects our kiddos. Removing demands at home would be a good start. Removal from public school might be the answer. As for the teachers...sounds like you might want to approach an advocate to assist with informing the teaching staff about supports and adaptions that your child needs to facilitate learning in an inclusive classroom. Email and CC anyone in the upper levels of the school itself as well as the school district. Like the superintendent. If the school continues to be unhelpful the advocate will be able to point in the next direction. My son is ASD and PDA. Before I changed how I parent him life was...trying...and that's an understatement...However, after I applied a few things his meltdowns started to subside, his language exploded, his personality came back and he has flourished. Literally, he is one of the funniest kids I have ever met. You might not find all the answers you are looking for, however, understanding PDA and its effect on the nervous system will provide a path forward., We had this with my son. We took him out of school to homeschool but for some context I already homeschool his siblings so yeah a lot easier of a transition for me. Also getting on adderall helped PDA! Edit to add : you are not alone!! There are many of us out there and it’s very challenging. I hope it gets better for you guys., That ... sounds extremely interesting, I haven't heard of that before, but the first few online resources I am finding look very promising. Thank you very much! That gives us a whole new avenue to explore for helping him. Regarding the advocate: If I understand you correctly, we tried that (in the country we live in, there's actually quite a bit of support you can get from the government, including expert personnel that comes to the school on an hourly basis. We were told that they are not doing that, because they had bad experiences in the past. Removal from public school altogether is something we are considering, but it's also a scary thought (plus, his therapists point out that interaction with other kids is really important for him, which I think is a very valid point) Thank you very much for your thoughtful & comprehensive response, and I am very happy for you and your son (and it gives me hope) that your situation improved so much!, Thank you so much!, Take a look at @ atpeaceparents on Instagram and see if what she's talking about resonates with you. And also if you do decide to remove your child from public school, remember that it does mean it has to be forever. But for right now, this situation and this particular school is not working for your family. There might be other types of school systems that still offer the interaction with other kids but in a less stressful environment. Our kids are not in a mainstream school but in a wonderful private school (we're not in the US) and if we weren't lucky enough to have that option I'm not sure what we would have done because our PDA/ ASD teenager would absolutely not be coping with school, despite how academically brilliant she is., Will definitely do so, thanks a lot for the pointer! You mean "it does \*not\* have to be forever", right? \*hope\* Yes, we are also looking for private options right now, but the feedback we get is that it is really, really hard to find a place that can cater to our son's needs. And I 100% get what you mean by "not coping with school, despite academically brilliant". I am glad you found a good school for your kid! I guess part of me is simply scared that the teachers believe we are bad/negligent parents and will try to ... well ... "take away" our kid, seeing as how they've involved child care without telling us. Rationally, I know this is not going to happen, but I can't help but feel anxious about it., Yes sorry! \*doesn't have to be forever! An awful part of being a parent of an autistic kid (and more so if your kid has PDA) is that people will judge your parenting! You have to develop a thick skin about it and know that you are always doing what you believe is best for your kid, and the judgey people have no clue what you're dealing with. With PDA this often means 'giving in' which looks like spoiling them; but it really means accommodating a struggling child. Our home lives became a lot less stressful and shouty and a lot fewer evenings ending in tears (mostly mine) when we learnt more about the nervous system overload and being gentle with our child and ourselves. Strict boundaries and strict rules that we were raised with just don't cut it. When we were dealing with school refusal, that meant just letting her stay home sometimes... a lot of times.... but as she moved out of burnout and things got calmer, she loves school and is doing really well there. Things are still incredibly challenging at home, but certainly better than it was in the past. Another Instagram recommendation -- @ ontheharddays -- because sometimes you just need to know you're not alone in what you're dealing with., Reading this did so good, thank you! This is exactly how we are feeling (including the shouting and crying, unfortunately). We are definitely struggling (also ourselves) with the "spoiling" accusations/fears. The school situation is just so scary because we feel powerless (teachers in our country have quite a bit of say, which is often a very good thing) Thank you very much for taking the time, you are sending a very hopeful message!, Sounds like your child is rapidly approaching a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Persistent Drive for Autonomy) burnout. Look into PDA and how it affects our kiddos. Removing demands at home would be a good start. Removal from public school might be the answer. As for the teachers...sounds like you might want to approach an advocate to assist with informing the teaching staff about supports and adaptions that your child needs to facilitate learning in an inclusive classroom. Email and CC anyone in the upper levels of the school itself as well as the school district. Like the superintendent. If the school continues to be unhelpful the advocate will be able to point in the next direction. My son is ASD and PDA. Before I changed how I parent him life was...trying...and that's an understatement...However, after I applied a few things his meltdowns started to subside, his language exploded, his personality came back and he has flourished. Literally, he is one of the funniest kids I have ever met. You might not find all the answers you are looking for, however, understanding PDA and its effect on the nervous system will provide a path forward., We had this with my son. We took him out of school to homeschool but for some context I already homeschool his siblings so yeah a lot easier of a transition for me. Also getting on adderall helped PDA! Edit to add : you are not alone!! There are many of us out there and it’s very challenging. I hope it gets better for you guys., That ... sounds extremely interesting, I haven't heard of that before, but the first few online resources I am finding look very promising. Thank you very much! That gives us a whole new avenue to explore for helping him. Regarding the advocate: If I understand you correctly, we tried that (in the country we live in, there's actually quite a bit of support you can get from the government, including expert personnel that comes to the school on an hourly basis. We were told that they are not doing that, because they had bad experiences in the past. Removal from public school altogether is something we are considering, but it's also a scary thought (plus, his therapists point out that interaction with other kids is really important for him, which I think is a very valid point) Thank you very much for your thoughtful & comprehensive response, and I am very happy for you and your son (and it gives me hope) that your situation improved so much!, Thank you so much!, Take a look at @ atpeaceparents on Instagram and see if what she's talking about resonates with you. And also if you do decide to remove your child from public school, remember that it does mean it has to be forever. But for right now, this situation and this particular school is not working for your family. There might be other types of school systems that still offer the interaction with other kids but in a less stressful environment. Our kids are not in a mainstream school but in a wonderful private school (we're not in the US) and if we weren't lucky enough to have that option I'm not sure what we would have done because our PDA/ ASD teenager would absolutely not be coping with school, despite how academically brilliant she is., Will definitely do so, thanks a lot for the pointer! You mean "it does \*not\* have to be forever", right? \*hope\* Yes, we are also looking for private options right now, but the feedback we get is that it is really, really hard to find a place that can cater to our son's needs. And I 100% get what you mean by "not coping with school, despite academically brilliant". I am glad you found a good school for your kid! I guess part of me is simply scared that the teachers believe we are bad/negligent parents and will try to ... well ... "take away" our kid, seeing as how they've involved child care without telling us. Rationally, I know this is not going to happen, but I can't help but feel anxious about it., Yes sorry! \*doesn't have to be forever! An awful part of being a parent of an autistic kid (and more so if your kid has PDA) is that people will judge your parenting! You have to develop a thick skin about it and know that you are always doing what you believe is best for your kid, and the judgey people have no clue what you're dealing with. With PDA this often means 'giving in' which looks like spoiling them; but it really means accommodating a struggling child. Our home lives became a lot less stressful and shouty and a lot fewer evenings ending in tears (mostly mine) when we learnt more about the nervous system overload and being gentle with our child and ourselves. Strict boundaries and strict rules that we were raised with just don't cut it. When we were dealing with school refusal, that meant just letting her stay home sometimes... a lot of times.... but as she moved out of burnout and things got calmer, she loves school and is doing really well there. Things are still incredibly challenging at home, but certainly better than it was in the past. Another Instagram recommendation -- @ ontheharddays -- because sometimes you just need to know you're not alone in what you're dealing with., Reading this did so good, thank you! This is exactly how we are feeling (including the shouting and crying, unfortunately). We are definitely struggling (also ourselves) with the "spoiling" accusations/fears. The school situation is just so scary because we feel powerless (teachers in our country have quite a bit of say, which is often a very good thing) Thank you very much for taking the time, you are sending a very hopeful message!, Sounds like your child is rapidly approaching a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Persistent Drive for Autonomy) burnout. Look into PDA and how it affects our kiddos. Removing demands at home would be a good start. Removal from public school might be the answer. As for the teachers...sounds like you might want to approach an advocate to assist with informing the teaching staff about supports and adaptions that your child needs to facilitate learning in an inclusive classroom. Email and CC anyone in the upper levels of the school itself as well as the school district. Like the superintendent. If the school continues to be unhelpful the advocate will be able to point in the next direction. My son is ASD and PDA. Before I changed how I parent him life was...trying...and that's an understatement...However, after I applied a few things his meltdowns started to subside, his language exploded, his personality came back and he has flourished. Literally, he is one of the funniest kids I have ever met. You might not find all the answers you are looking for, however, understanding PDA and its effect on the nervous system will provide a path forward., We had this with my son. We took him out of school to homeschool but for some context I already homeschool his siblings so yeah a lot easier of a transition for me. Also getting on adderall helped PDA! Edit to add : you are not alone!! There are many of us out there and it’s very challenging. I hope it gets better for you guys., That ... sounds extremely interesting, I haven't heard of that before, but the first few online resources I am finding look very promising. Thank you very much! That gives us a whole new avenue to explore for helping him. Regarding the advocate: If I understand you correctly, we tried that (in the country we live in, there's actually quite a bit of support you can get from the government, including expert personnel that comes to the school on an hourly basis. We were told that they are not doing that, because they had bad experiences in the past. Removal from public school altogether is something we are considering, but it's also a scary thought (plus, his therapists point out that interaction with other kids is really important for him, which I think is a very valid point) Thank you very much for your thoughtful & comprehensive response, and I am very happy for you and your son (and it gives me hope) that your situation improved so much!, Thank you so much!, Take a look at @ atpeaceparents on Instagram and see if what she's talking about resonates with you. And also if you do decide to remove your child from public school, remember that it does mean it has to be forever. But for right now, this situation and this particular school is not working for your family. There might be other types of school systems that still offer the interaction with other kids but in a less stressful environment. Our kids are not in a mainstream school but in a wonderful private school (we're not in the US) and if we weren't lucky enough to have that option I'm not sure what we would have done because our PDA/ ASD teenager would absolutely not be coping with school, despite how academically brilliant she is., Will definitely do so, thanks a lot for the pointer! You mean "it does \*not\* have to be forever", right? \*hope\* Yes, we are also looking for private options right now, but the feedback we get is that it is really, really hard to find a place that can cater to our son's needs. And I 100% get what you mean by "not coping with school, despite academically brilliant". I am glad you found a good school for your kid! I guess part of me is simply scared that the teachers believe we are bad/negligent parents and will try to ... well ... "take away" our kid, seeing as how they've involved child care without telling us. Rationally, I know this is not going to happen, but I can't help but feel anxious about it., Yes sorry! \*doesn't have to be forever! An awful part of being a parent of an autistic kid (and more so if your kid has PDA) is that people will judge your parenting! You have to develop a thick skin about it and know that you are always doing what you believe is best for your kid, and the judgey people have no clue what you're dealing with. With PDA this often means 'giving in' which looks like spoiling them; but it really means accommodating a struggling child. Our home lives became a lot less stressful and shouty and a lot fewer evenings ending in tears (mostly mine) when we learnt more about the nervous system overload and being gentle with our child and ourselves. Strict boundaries and strict rules that we were raised with just don't cut it. When we were dealing with school refusal, that meant just letting her stay home sometimes... a lot of times.... but as she moved out of burnout and things got calmer, she loves school and is doing really well there. Things are still incredibly challenging at home, but certainly better than it was in the past. Another Instagram recommendation -- @ ontheharddays -- because sometimes you just need to know you're not alone in what you're dealing with., Reading this did so good, thank you! This is exactly how we are feeling (including the shouting and crying, unfortunately). We are definitely struggling (also ourselves) with the "spoiling" accusations/fears. The school situation is just so scary because we feel powerless (teachers in our country have quite a bit of say, which is often a very good thing) Thank you very much for taking the time, you are sending a very hopeful message!

Birth control options for teen

My teen is Level 1/high functioning but has a cluster of symptoms (anxiety, depression, hallucinations, possible PDA) that make things especially challenging for everyone. Recently she shared that she has been having a very hard time with her periods and asked to go to the doctor to discuss possible contraceptive medication to help. She generally won't take meds (the only consistent thing she's gotten recently is ketamine for treatment-resistant depression) but is willing to do a BC patch. Curious if anyone has good/bad/ugly experiences with the patch options available? I know everyone is different, but with the ketamine we've just gotten into a slightly better space with meltdowns and rigid thinking and I'm a bit nervous about adding hormonal meds in (though also hopeful that they might help because the disregulation and maladaptive behavior definitely get worse when she's on her period). Thanks!

autistic adult here o/ idk if my thoughts are what you’re looking for but i figured i’d share my experience w the patch i got really strange and difficult periods including mood disturbances, tried four different pills, couldn’t tolerate any of them. the patch has been an absolute lifesaver! i had like a week of low mood and then it cleared up and things have been wonderful since. patch medication is generally easier on the system re: side effects anyway, though ofc tracking mood and other side effects is going to be a good idea at least for the first few months. wishing you and your daughter the best of luck :), I use the nexplanon insert and don’t get periods it isn’t really bothersome and lasts 3 years. It’s not fun to get out in but worth it if possible ( and I apologize if someone suggested this earlier I didn’t read the comments)., The patch gave me a super long period (bled for over three weeks straight), and with my sensory issues I had a hard time with feeling the patch placement had to be perfect and the residue being left behind after. Switched to a nuvaring and had the best results that way as a teen with very little side effects and no issues with them on a sensory level. As I got older switched to Depo and that was the best option because it’s just a shot every few months and then I only dealt with the sensory issues for a few days (I have a hard time with things not being “even”, so the patch only on one side of my body or the shot affecting only one side of my bottom physically was the biggest trigger). Now as an adult I’ve had a hormonal IUD for almost 6 months and although the first few weeks were rough I now forget about it and my periods are hardly noticeable. I think having a conversation with her and taking into account what her sensitivities and needs are, preparing her for what it will feel like to use either option, and overall giving the most information that you can is the best option for her choosing since everyone is different., Clarifying because for some reason I can't edit: she brought up the interest in bc and we are actively discussing. Because she struggles with pills and oral medicine, she told me that she feels like a patch is her only option., My 21 year old is trans, ftm. We started trying to stop periods at 16. It took about 2.5-3 years, and a lot of unsuccessful try’s, before we found one that worked. It sounded like this wasn’t all that uncommon. What works for one won’t necessarily be what works for the next. Depo gave him one never ending period that didn’t even end after going 9 months with no shot, so he had to take drugs (I believe methotrexate) to stop that. Next we tried the patch, to no effect. Norethindrone, a pill he has to take daily, or he’ll start spotting, is what finally worked, but even then, it was the 3rd pill we tried., Patch is a great option that isn't a daily pill or something inside the body. It needs to be replaced weekly and some people have a skin type that it doesn't stick well, so be aware of that. If she gets tired of the patch and wants something longer term, just a heads-up that IUD placement is often horribly painful. The arm implant is usually painless- they do numbing cream, then lidocaine., My teen (level 2) does better on the patch, once a week instead of daily struggle with remembering to take the pill., Well, you could talk to her about it , the pill is pretty good but I highly recommend an iud ., My anxiety as a teen wasn't any better with birth control... Also, not every birth control produces instantaneous results showing you that it's not the drug for you. Some you just have to push through constant nausea for... 3-6 months. I had it where I was getting more and more depressed but I didn't think it was the medication, didn't even consider it, just blamed myself Personally I wish I had never taken any pill or IUD they just ruined me . When I was a teen I took Alesse and since I came off it my skin is just ruined, I cannot tolerate many ingredients in cosmetics or I break out in crazy cystic acne. I also just finished the Period Repair Manual - she's a naturopathic doctor so not everyone's cup of tea but goes over troubleshooting periods basically. I stopped getting period pain when I started taking zinc supplements just on my period, she recommends a variety of simple treatments for pretty much any period concern., Do you mind sharing which patch you are on? I think there are a few options if I'm not mistaken? Thank you for sharing your experience!, Good to know--thank you!, Yes my cervix experience intense pain too even though they say it shouldn’t that’s a good heads up, you’re very welcome! i’m on xulane!

Birthday parties no go for daughter

Hi everyone! My 2 year old daughter was recently diagnosed and we are learning to navigate birthday parties. We've attended two so far and both have ended with both of us in tears due to not being able to communicate. I've bowed out of the last few but still make sure the child gets a gift. Am I doing the right thing or should I have her attend to try and expand her interaction with kids? I don't want to push her into something she might not like at all.

I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. , I’ve learned not to force my child into these situations unless they are VERY close family and or friends who understand and embrace him and all his quirky behaviors and mini meltdowns. If he’s having an “off” day and I just know it’s not going to go well, I usually will not go either. I still always get a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son doesn't mind going as long as he can continue to do his own thing. Like the others are eating cake and he is still in the bounce house, We went to one party several years ago and I was an emotional mess. My son couldn’t participate on the activities (laser tag) and I felt so out of place. We haven’t been to another one. I always buy a gift and just let the parent know that we’re unfortunately going to miss the party but hope their little one has a great birthday. I feel bad for the child and pray to God that other kids attend, because having a party and having no one attend is so freaking sad. But I gotta keep my sanity, so I think giving a gift is a win win., I personally appreciate the opportunity to practice in social settings. I do touch base with the parent beforehand to make sure they’re okay do we have to take a break, or play on the iPad, or even just leave abruptly. So far, everyone has been understanding and wants my daughter to succeed. That said, I’d understand and have no hard feelings if they’d say they’d rather we didn’t come then. Also- if it’s something I know my daughter couldn’t handle, then we wouldn’t go (though that hasn’t come up yet). I have also seen plenty of other little kids that are not autistic struggle at birthday parties. For example, last one I went to one little girl (4) hated the happy birthday song and her mom covered her ears until it was done and she grimaced the whole time. It was sort of funny! My daughter is almost 4, so maybe this will be a bigger problem when she’s older and the parties get more complex. But for now, I am grateful we get to expose her to new experiences., 1-5 5 birthdays are purely for the parents IMO, she'll be okay, give her time, it's hard for NT kids to handle parties often, Nope, no birthday parties here. It's just not worth the stress., I only take my son to family parties. Once we get there, he immediately wants to sit on my lap.He'll be calm for an hour before telling me he wants to go home. If I let him take his tablet, it will buy us another hour. After that, it's time to go, or else he'll try to run away and start shouting., My son is 5 and we still don’t go to birthday parties. I try to go to events every now and then and it’s still too much for him. I always used to respectfully decline until I just stopped getting invited and it’s okay. When I would push him it would just end up in a bad meltdown and us crying. I didn’t find it worth it. Maybe one day., Please don’t feel bad if parties are too much. Take the pressure off, there’ll be plenty of time to come to attend parties. There’s plenty I’ve ditched, or gone to and stayed an hour then had to u-turn. Or he’s not participated in the activity just stood jumping at the wall. Your friends and family who invite you will understand and won’t mind if you leave early/don’t come at all/have a meltdown. The ones that do mind aren’t worth the party in the first place., Yeah... We tried singing happy birthday to my son when he turned 3 and he scream cried. So we don't do that anymore. Can't say I blame him. Lol, I wouldn’t sing happy birthday to my kid if she hated it, either!! Make up a new tradition your song does like. This girl wasn’t the birthday kid- she was a guest and stood in the very back with her mom while the rest of us sang. She just hates the birthday son* in general, I guess?!?,  My kid just doesn't like being sang to in general. Unless it's the fart song by koo koo kanga roo lol, Well now I have to look how this song 😂, It's gross but funny, I don’t know what I expected, but definitely not that 😂, Haha told you it was gross, I'm glad it made you laugh though. 😆 First time I heard it was stuck in my head for days. 

Body parts

My non verbal ASD 4 year old son cannot point to his nose even when I am pointing to it and showing him, sitting directly in front of him .. he can touch his head when I show him but not with nose, we have been practicing for months. Is there something to this that I should know. I am trying to teach him his body parts in hope that when he is pain he can point to what hurts in the future but it has been so hard.

My son puts a bandaid on anything that hurts, even if there’s no visible problem. So maybe try band aides for every tiny, observable wound? My son knows body parts, but he still won’t indicate what hurts, verbally …and he’s already eight., How are his imitation skills in general? Does he just struggle with imitating pointing at his nose, or does he not imitate much at all? Truthfully, it may be that he doesn't see the point. My son is pretty decent at imitation now, but he usually won't point at his nose when I ask him. I know he knows the word, he has touched mine and said it, and he has pointed to his own when the audiologist cued him during booth testing because he kind of likes showing off there. But, when I say "show me your nose," he gives me a look of disdain and says "no.", My son puts a bandaid on anything that hurts, even if there’s no visible problem. So maybe try band aides for every tiny, observable wound? My son knows body parts, but he still won’t indicate what hurts, verbally …and he’s already eight., How are his imitation skills in general? Does he just struggle with imitating pointing at his nose, or does he not imitate much at all? Truthfully, it may be that he doesn't see the point. My son is pretty decent at imitation now, but he usually won't point at his nose when I ask him. I know he knows the word, he has touched mine and said it, and he has pointed to his own when the audiologist cued him during booth testing because he kind of likes showing off there. But, when I say "show me your nose," he gives me a look of disdain and says "no.", My son puts a bandaid on anything that hurts, even if there’s no visible problem. So maybe try band aides for every tiny, observable wound? My son knows body parts, but he still won’t indicate what hurts, verbally …and he’s already eight., How are his imitation skills in general? Does he just struggle with imitating pointing at his nose, or does he not imitate much at all? Truthfully, it may be that he doesn't see the point. My son is pretty decent at imitation now, but he usually won't point at his nose when I ask him. I know he knows the word, he has touched mine and said it, and he has pointed to his own when the audiologist cued him during booth testing because he kind of likes showing off there. But, when I say "show me your nose," he gives me a look of disdain and says "no.", My son puts a bandaid on anything that hurts, even if there’s no visible problem. So maybe try band aides for every tiny, observable wound? My son knows body parts, but he still won’t indicate what hurts, verbally …and he’s already eight., How are his imitation skills in general? Does he just struggle with imitating pointing at his nose, or does he not imitate much at all? Truthfully, it may be that he doesn't see the point. My son is pretty decent at imitation now, but he usually won't point at his nose when I ask him. I know he knows the word, he has touched mine and said it, and he has pointed to his own when the audiologist cued him during booth testing because he kind of likes showing off there. But, when I say "show me your nose," he gives me a look of disdain and says "no."

Book recommendation for a parent of a toddler with ASD

Which book would you recommend for a parent of a toddler with ASD?

My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s, My favorite book early on was “uniquely human” great read., My favorite was "Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids". I personally think that "The Reason I Jump" is fine but you need to have a lot of context - it was based on a parent's interpretation of what her kid told her using an image board and then that book was translated from Japanese to English., I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Brain Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke. Essential reading to make that change in thinking that many parents (and teachers!) really need to understand an autistic child., “Uniquely Human” helped me calm down a lot. After that, “Neurotribes” gave me a ton of historical perspective, but I’m not sure it would be my very first stop for a parental read, Sincerely your autistic child is good! It’s all short perspectives and stories from autistic kids. I still need to finish it… but my wife loved it and told me I’m a monster if I don’t cry., These three books by Bill Nason. He has a facebook page The Autism Discussion page, and published three books based on what he has written there. 1.The Autism discussion page: On the core challenges of autism:a toolbox for helping children with autism. 2.The Autism discussion page: on anxiety, behavior, school and parenting strategies 3.The Autism discussion page: on stress, anxiety, shutdowns and meltdowns. [https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp\_27%3ABill+Nason](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Bill-Nason/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ABill+Nason), I cried. This book is so great!, We’re not Broken, Eric Garcia. Definitely check out this author. EDIT: Eric’s book talks more about transitioning into adulthood and may be a bit far off from “toddler” insights. But i found it useful to paint a positive future. He also contributed to an open access free collaboration (also a great read accessible on Springer) under the title: Autistic Community and the Neurodiversity Movement Stories from the Frontline Along with chapters by other neurodiversity advocates including John Elder Robison, Lydia brown, among others. And thanks EVERYONE for the great suggestions. I’ve read most of the books shared thus far and have the others on my list now!, I don't have a toddler anymore but a 12 year old on the spectrum, might have to grab some of these. I highly recommend the graphic novel Spectrum. It's a bunch of artists coming together and putting out their words. It's great., Out of Mind, Out of Sight - Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by Kathy J. Marshack. And another one of her book.. forgot the name. These are especially if you or your partner also might be on the spectrum. Or if you also have NT child & wondering how you can make it the best for both your autistic children and NT children., Highly recommend this one, I completely forgot about this one somehow!! 👏, Uniquely Human also had a podcast series too! Great book., Thank you, it will be the next one on my list!, The board was not “images” - it was literally a ouija board known as “Facilitaded Communication “ , a fraud debunked in dozens of controlled studies . I’ve seen Naoki’s interviews and it’s pretty obvious the mom is orchestrating the whole thing https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/the-reason-i-jump-self-promotion-trumps-intellectual-honesty-part-i, These books (and the Facebook) are really great. Full of practical, useful information., Yeah i really like his books, Highly recommend Heidi Mavir “Your Child Is Not Broken” ♾️, Thank you! I’m tired of that book getting recommended. FC is bullshit. The whole book is a fairy tale. If you’re ok with knowing what it is prior to reading it, fine, but don’t read it like straight non-fiction., I tried to read the link you gave, but still can't understand, because i know nothing about the movie (?) and the content of the book. So.. what's it about and why do some people think it's wrong..?, Also!! A great book to read with your child on the spectrum & so they can see a character like them too I would recommend Laura Hales series “Alex and the Drummer Boy, Alex and the Muffin Man, not sure if she’s released a 3rd yet or not”, For parents of nonverbal level 3 children this book could send them to a rabbit hole when they research how Naoki’s mind was “unlocked “ and they end up in the hardcore biomedical autism community that also endorse FC (disguised as RPM and S2C), What’s wrong is that the book is advertised as Naoki being the author. The mom had disclosed she subjected Naoki to Facilitaded Communication in order to write the book, therefore that invalidates authorship claims (because Facilitated Communication is a proven fraud) . However, the real harm is that the Facilitaded Communication community (RPM and S2C) use Naoki as the living proof FC is valid, rushing parents of nonverbal and minimally verbal autistic children to be subjected to these FC practitioners or the parents themselves getting FC training to become their children facilitators . FC practitioners have no code of ethics, no procedural guidelines like any other professional organization- no rules whatsoever other than forbidding the child to answer questions the facilitators don’t know the answer (critically is someone other than the facilitator knows the answer but if the question is about an abstract opinion or idea the child could have the facilitators invent the answer, just like Naoki’s mom) . They charge $175 per hour no insurance because they won’t get scientifically validated and repeat the same embarrassment from the 90’s

Book recommendations for young children with ASD

My 5 year old son has recently been diagnosed with autism. He is a keen reader and I’d like to get him some books that he can read that feature autistic characters or help to explain what autism’s all about. Does anyone have any recommendations for me? He’s really loving a series of graphic novels at the moment called Bumble and Snug so something like that would really be perfect, but I’m interested in anything your kids have enjoyed.

I haven't read them yet myself, but I've heard good things about "Talking is Not My Thing" and "All Cats Are on the Autism Spectrum". Good luck!

Book/resource recommendations?

Navigating a new diagnosis for my son (8). I’ve read a lot about ADHD which he also has, but am new to autism. Any helpful books/other resources that have given you a good basic knowledge as a starting point? I obviously know him and all of his special qualities and needs but would love a broader understanding. Thanks in advance. Really appreciate this community.

I don’t know what your kid’s challenges mainly are, but here is a list of authors that have really given me valuable insights: Barry Prizant, Ross Greene and Luke Beardon. Autism of course manifests in very different ways in kids (and adults), but the books above cover a lot of different ground. Good luck with the reading!, Thank you so much!, I don’t know what your kid’s challenges mainly are, but here is a list of authors that have really given me valuable insights: Barry Prizant, Ross Greene and Luke Beardon. Autism of course manifests in very different ways in kids (and adults), but the books above cover a lot of different ground. Good luck with the reading!, Thank you so much!, I don’t know what your kid’s challenges mainly are, but here is a list of authors that have really given me valuable insights: Barry Prizant, Ross Greene and Luke Beardon. Autism of course manifests in very different ways in kids (and adults), but the books above cover a lot of different ground. Good luck with the reading!, Thank you so much!, I don’t know what your kid’s challenges mainly are, but here is a list of authors that have really given me valuable insights: Barry Prizant, Ross Greene and Luke Beardon. Autism of course manifests in very different ways in kids (and adults), but the books above cover a lot of different ground. Good luck with the reading!, Thank you so much!

Books you’d recommended?

Hello! I was wondering if there’s any books anyone out there would recommend for parenting children with autism and books for my child who’s diagnosed level 2. My child is 11 years old and can read books in his age group. If anyone has any kinda of book they’d recommend or enjoyed I’d greatly appreciate it thank you! Edit: I realized I should specify a bit more in sorry! I mean books to educate someone on children with autism

For the child I recommend Dog Man, The Bad Guys, Magic Treehouse, Goosebumps (if he can handle a little bit of a spook!), Captain Underpants, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The good news is these are all series so he will have plenty to read! I was a paraeducator for 4 years and a lot of the kids in this age bracket loved these!, My son (11) and I are reading "Survival Guide For Kids With Autism Spectrum Disorder". I read it twice prior to giving it to him, actually. It's written in a way kids can understand and does a good job explaining things without over-explaining- IMO. I actually like that it's not a fictional story and instead is teaching him. We are reading it very slowly because I find he tunes out after a while and needs time to process everything. So, when he's calm and seems in a "learning" mood, I offer to read while he draws or plays with a car. We really only get thru a few pages at a time because I stop and ask him questions about how he feels or what he thinks. He will also interject with stories or add ons to what I'm reading. He said once that it's like they wrote the book about him., Thank you! I should have specified I meant books with the theme on educating people about autism but those books are fun reads too though so thank you!, Thank you!! That sounds like a really great way to go about it! I will go straight to the library after his appointment today. I appreciate it. :), Oops sorry ha! They're good books anyhow 🤪, Haha yes! Thank you!, For the child I recommend Dog Man, The Bad Guys, Magic Treehouse, Goosebumps (if he can handle a little bit of a spook!), Captain Underpants, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The good news is these are all series so he will have plenty to read! I was a paraeducator for 4 years and a lot of the kids in this age bracket loved these!, My son (11) and I are reading "Survival Guide For Kids With Autism Spectrum Disorder". I read it twice prior to giving it to him, actually. It's written in a way kids can understand and does a good job explaining things without over-explaining- IMO. I actually like that it's not a fictional story and instead is teaching him. We are reading it very slowly because I find he tunes out after a while and needs time to process everything. So, when he's calm and seems in a "learning" mood, I offer to read while he draws or plays with a car. We really only get thru a few pages at a time because I stop and ask him questions about how he feels or what he thinks. He will also interject with stories or add ons to what I'm reading. He said once that it's like they wrote the book about him., Thank you! I should have specified I meant books with the theme on educating people about autism but those books are fun reads too though so thank you!, Thank you!! That sounds like a really great way to go about it! I will go straight to the library after his appointment today. I appreciate it. :), Oops sorry ha! They're good books anyhow 🤪, Haha yes! Thank you!, For the child I recommend Dog Man, The Bad Guys, Magic Treehouse, Goosebumps (if he can handle a little bit of a spook!), Captain Underpants, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The good news is these are all series so he will have plenty to read! I was a paraeducator for 4 years and a lot of the kids in this age bracket loved these!, My son (11) and I are reading "Survival Guide For Kids With Autism Spectrum Disorder". I read it twice prior to giving it to him, actually. It's written in a way kids can understand and does a good job explaining things without over-explaining- IMO. I actually like that it's not a fictional story and instead is teaching him. We are reading it very slowly because I find he tunes out after a while and needs time to process everything. So, when he's calm and seems in a "learning" mood, I offer to read while he draws or plays with a car. We really only get thru a few pages at a time because I stop and ask him questions about how he feels or what he thinks. He will also interject with stories or add ons to what I'm reading. He said once that it's like they wrote the book about him., Thank you! I should have specified I meant books with the theme on educating people about autism but those books are fun reads too though so thank you!, Thank you!! That sounds like a really great way to go about it! I will go straight to the library after his appointment today. I appreciate it. :), Oops sorry ha! They're good books anyhow 🤪, Haha yes! Thank you!, For the child I recommend Dog Man, The Bad Guys, Magic Treehouse, Goosebumps (if he can handle a little bit of a spook!), Captain Underpants, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The good news is these are all series so he will have plenty to read! I was a paraeducator for 4 years and a lot of the kids in this age bracket loved these!, My son (11) and I are reading "Survival Guide For Kids With Autism Spectrum Disorder". I read it twice prior to giving it to him, actually. It's written in a way kids can understand and does a good job explaining things without over-explaining- IMO. I actually like that it's not a fictional story and instead is teaching him. We are reading it very slowly because I find he tunes out after a while and needs time to process everything. So, when he's calm and seems in a "learning" mood, I offer to read while he draws or plays with a car. We really only get thru a few pages at a time because I stop and ask him questions about how he feels or what he thinks. He will also interject with stories or add ons to what I'm reading. He said once that it's like they wrote the book about him., Thank you! I should have specified I meant books with the theme on educating people about autism but those books are fun reads too though so thank you!, Thank you!! That sounds like a really great way to go about it! I will go straight to the library after his appointment today. I appreciate it. :), Oops sorry ha! They're good books anyhow 🤪, Haha yes! Thank you!

Books/sites/groups

We have an 8 year old kid, who is level three, who is mostly nonverbal. Outside of using her iPad (which she is awesome on) is about much interaction we are gong to get. There are numerous other things than that. She will always live with us and require intense care. I guess what I’m trying to say, most books, sites and groups aim for a “higher functioning” person. Where should I look or go to further educate myself. None of this is meant to be judgmental, or what I’m hoping to be, nor offensive. Just looking to further learn to improve my life, my wife, family and More importantly our daughter.

It can be a bit alarmist for some people's taste, but quite a few people are happy with the National Council on Severe Autism. They've got a blog and resource page and are a non-profit I believe. Eileen Lamb also writes a blog about parenting a level 1 and a level 3 kid simultaneously. Then there's Finding Cooper's Voice and some of the SBSK interviews. Posts like this are so fascinating (and not in a negative way), because I've come away with the exact opposite impression of most books/sites/groups, in that it feels like most of them aim for someone "lower functioning" from our standpoint. I guess that means most resources are aiming for somewhere in the middle, even if they claim to address the full spectrum, or one of the outer levels., It can be a bit alarmist for some people's taste, but quite a few people are happy with the National Council on Severe Autism. They've got a blog and resource page and are a non-profit I believe. Eileen Lamb also writes a blog about parenting a level 1 and a level 3 kid simultaneously. Then there's Finding Cooper's Voice and some of the SBSK interviews. Posts like this are so fascinating (and not in a negative way), because I've come away with the exact opposite impression of most books/sites/groups, in that it feels like most of them aim for someone "lower functioning" from our standpoint. I guess that means most resources are aiming for somewhere in the middle, even if they claim to address the full spectrum, or one of the outer levels., It can be a bit alarmist for some people's taste, but quite a few people are happy with the National Council on Severe Autism. They've got a blog and resource page and are a non-profit I believe. Eileen Lamb also writes a blog about parenting a level 1 and a level 3 kid simultaneously. Then there's Finding Cooper's Voice and some of the SBSK interviews. Posts like this are so fascinating (and not in a negative way), because I've come away with the exact opposite impression of most books/sites/groups, in that it feels like most of them aim for someone "lower functioning" from our standpoint. I guess that means most resources are aiming for somewhere in the middle, even if they claim to address the full spectrum, or one of the outer levels., It can be a bit alarmist for some people's taste, but quite a few people are happy with the National Council on Severe Autism. They've got a blog and resource page and are a non-profit I believe. Eileen Lamb also writes a blog about parenting a level 1 and a level 3 kid simultaneously. Then there's Finding Cooper's Voice and some of the SBSK interviews. Posts like this are so fascinating (and not in a negative way), because I've come away with the exact opposite impression of most books/sites/groups, in that it feels like most of them aim for someone "lower functioning" from our standpoint. I guess that means most resources are aiming for somewhere in the middle, even if they claim to address the full spectrum, or one of the outer levels.

Boyfriend has ASD family history

Hi all! First off I want to thank you all for reading my post. My boyfriend and I are getting ready to get married soon and we are both ready to have kids. The only thing that is on our mind is having an autistic child. There is nothing wrong with this but I guess we would like to know the probabilities… My boyfriend has an uncle on his mom’s side that is non-verbal autistic and he has a cousin on mom’s side who has very low functioning autism. I do not have any family history of autism. What might be the chances? Is there any case where someone has given birth to a non autistic child with family history of autism? Thanks again for reading!

Probably is very high. Don't know what to tell you. Especially in men. They go years undiagnosed., Unfortunately, autism isn’t just one thing. The “disorder” part of ASD means “a group of symptoms that disrupts your normal body functions but does not have a known cause.” While it’s sometimes useful to think of autistic people as having the same thing, we really don’t. Sometimes there’s a known, specific genetic cause where you could easily calculate the odds. Sometimes there’s not. So, for example, if your boyfriend’s relatives have Fragile X syndrome, you can do a simple genetic screening to determine if either of you are carriers. By comparison, my family just has a bunch of smart weirdos with social difficulties. My kids were the first generation to get an actual diagnosis. It’s definitely heritable, but there’s no clear single genetic mutation. If your boyfriend’s family is similar, you have higher odds of autism by a completely unpredictable amount. In other cases, there’s a strong environmental cause for autism symptoms. For example, premature babies are substantially more likely to be diagnosed with autism. If your boyfriend’s relatives are autistic due to prematurity, then your odds are baseline as long as your kids are born at term., If his family has a recessive form of autism, then both he and you would have to be carriers. If his family has a dominant form of autism then he would likely be autistic if he carries the gene. If his family has a partially-dominant form of autism, then he may have a “milder” form of autism, which could be passed down, but both of you would need to have that gene to have a child with a more “severe” form of autism. My form of autism is partially-dominant, and I have two copies of the same mutation. For this reason I can assume all of my children have one copy, as do both of my parents. I assume my uncle had the same two copies like me, as he was institutionalized at age 6 and died in the institution at age 8. If you get both of y’all’s DNA sequenced you may be able to identify if he’s a carrier - I discovered my own autism in my DNA., Without being a geneticist and no genetic testing to go by, I'd say just look at the other family members and there's your odds? 2 out of how many? Do the others have "quirky" behavior that could be undiagnosed (since past generations we were terrible at diagnosing unless it was severe) autism? Having 2 severe cases would certainly make me concerned there's a genetic factor though, particularly you say they're both on his mom's side. We know as much as you do here though, really., The short answer to your question is that it's very unlikely you will have an autistic child. Probably 1 in 100., You would have to get genetically tested, autism isn't one thing, it's an umbrella term for a bunch of genetic wonkiness with similar symptoms. Testing is at its infancy and may yield more questions than answers. Ex: both hubby and I got 1 mutated copy of a particular gene, his would be a death sentence in duplicate, mine is "variant of unknown significance". Kid 1 inherited both of those, and has more severe autism symptoms than either of us. I would love to get kid 2 tested, but sadly it's not covered by insurance. I would read the experiences of people on this sub, keep in mind how often the question of divorce comes up, keep in mind how often "family/friends dropping off thd face of the earth after diagnosis" is mentioned, and seriously think about whether you want to sign yourself up for this. It is not an easy or pleasant road., Honestly nobody knows the chances. The younger you are the less likely it’ll be, but beyond that who knows. I understand not wanting to face the additional challenges, but I wouldn’t let it stand in the way of having kiddos who you’ll love regardless. That said, if the risk is too much there’s nothing wrong with adopting. Plenty of kids out there who could use great parents, Nobody can truly tell what the chances are or whether you will or will not have an autistic child. What I can say is that genetics does seem to play a major factor. My son had three panels done for genetic testing in July. His panels came back negative. I truly believed they would find a mutation or something of the sort but they didn’t, at least not as of this present time. The geneticist told me that it only comes back with an identifiable genetic variation 20-25% of the time. This is not to say that it isn’t genetic in my son’s case because it most certainly is. There is no one in my family, immediate or extended who’s autistic. My son’s father though, I know realize is autistic. It’s clear as day and he has the same sensory differences that my son does. I’m not with my the father of my son and he’s never been part of my son’s life so I did a lot of digging through Facebook and discovered that his half brother is also autistic. I went on to discover that his stepmother and father had been heavily involved in the autism community in Aruba and they have various other extended family members whom are autistic of varying degree of severity. This is to say that my son’s autism is genetic despite (currently anyway) three negative panels for any identifiable genes related to autism. I would say, to go ahead and have children but there will always be a chance but no one can tel you exactly what that chance is. As someone else stated, the current rate of autism is 1 in 36 children in the US. What you and your boyfriend can do, is visit a geneticist to see if you or him are carriers of any genes tied to autism and then make a choice at that point. Best of luck., To have older family members diagnosed, this suggests, as you've stated, they're lower functioning as many wouldn't have been as likely to have been diagnosed otherwise. In our family we have a generation of children with ASD. None of the generations before were diagnosed. Yet, it's clear that it runs in the family if you understand that it's a spectrum and presents in differing ways, and knowing what I now about my relatives that were 2 generations above me, I'd wager there were some too who were on the spectrum. My personal opinion, its got a prevalence on his side. That increases the odds. So you need to decide whether with that increased odd you'd still have children. BUT remember, that having a child can result in them having additional needs or health conditions that have no apparent familial link. So either you can accept that you may have a child with additional needs or in all honesty, think about remaining childfree., I've met 15 blood relatives of my husband's, including my husband and our kids. I'd say 11 are autistic or have broader autism phenotype, including my husband and kids. None of them had intellectual disability. They all worked, had relationships, etc. - until my kids were born. My husband's sister has 2 children who have gotten by without being diagnosed..my 2 are "low functioning." If you are asking if anyone with a family history like this has avoided having an autistic child, you are not ready to have children. Having kids is a gamble. Even with genetic testing, at least 50% of families with an autistic child never get a genetic result. All testing for sons came back normal. If you cannot accept the risk at all, no judgment - but you shouldn't have kids. You need to think seriously about the long term. Childcare is very difficult. Your social life will be much harder. You may never be able to work again. What kind of life do you want to have? I would hope it never comes up for you. I wouldn't wish these challenges on anyone. But if it does, there is no "change mind" button. I have no idea what happens to my kids when I die. Family does often disappear on you. Even if genetic testing finds nothing, you can still have an autistic child. We're living proof., How did you do that? I’ve done genetic testing but don’t know what to look for. I don’t have Autism in my family but my bf has two non-verbal low functioning ch I’ll seen with his ex. She also has an older daughter that has it as well. I’m trying to figure out my chances of having a child with ASD. I have 4 neurotypical children from previous relationship so having a child with low functioning ASD would definitely but a challenge but I wouldn’t love that child any less. I just want to prepare myself. , His uncle is the only autistic one out of 5 siblings. And cousin wise just 1 out of 4. All the family members I have met on his side do not show any “quirky” behavior. I am just trying to get a grasp on the possibilities… Maybe going to a genetic counselor would be the best bet., In the US overall odds are 1:36. Given their family history I’d wager their odds are slightly less favorable. Realistically their kids won’t be autistic, but there’s no way it’s only a 1% chance, That's for the general population. It's a heritable disorder., I remember reading an interesting thing. While increased age in fathers is correlated with autism, it's the opposite with mothers!, It requires a bit of research, but there are a number of genetic mutations that have been tied to autism in various studies. SNPedia has a listing of some of these (https://www.snpedia.com/index.php/Autism), and I found mine by exporting my raw sequence data from 23andMe and then importing it into geneticlifehacks.com, which did a much more thorough analysis than 23andMe provides., Asd is very individual. Sometimes symptoms are so mild that the person learns how to make it appear normal., But this rate is for 'general population'. You cannot extrapolate this number for a personal case., ASD is not a straightforwardly inherited. Not enough is known... >"ASD is highly genetically heterogeneous and may be caused by both inheritable and de novo gene variations." > >Genetic Causes and Modifiers of Autism Spectrum Disorder > >https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6710438/, Agree—provides a baseline. However I’m comfortable saying that documented family history isn’t likely to improve those odds, It's an umbrella term and I really wish we knew more about the different varieties. For what it's worth, the strain we're dealing with in the family is deeeeeefinitely inherited.

Bullying

Yesterday some kids knocked on our door when my 8 yr old son with ASD answered it. They said “it’s anime boy” and ran away. It was very mean and hurtful. Then, bless his little heart, asked if he could go play with them. I can’t get it out of my head. Any advice on what to do or how to process this?

I have no advice but I fkin hate bully- regardless of the age. Don’t tell me kids will be kids bc when i was young I consciously know how mean it is to bully kids, I would also be at a loss. This scenario hurts my heart because my six year old would react the same way. He wouldn't immediately recognize bullying (if at all) then because he's so friendly and social, he would also want to play with them. I hope your son has other anime friends. Also, since when is liking anime worthy of ridicule?, I had a bit of a weird scenario this weekend at a mall play area with my 5yr old. She was jumping around in the play area and some other little girls were trying to do what she was doing. I could tell she wasn't being social with them and I could overhear the girls talking about my daughter. I could tell they were talking about how weird my daughter was being to them. Then at one point my daughter jumped off something and then one of the little girls went to follow her. Before the little girl could jump off my daughter head butted the girls legs. The little girl just looked at me with "do something about your daughter, what's wrong with her" eyes. I apologized and asked my daughter to apologize as well (she did). We quickly left after that. I think one thing that kind of helps give me peace of mind is that it's very obvious my daughter doesn't care what anyone thinks about her. Which is also a double edged sword because that also means she has zero social boundaries and does not understand social cues., I think you should talk to their parents, not in an accusitory way but to inform them that their kids are not treating yours with respect. Be prepared to discuss his ASD. Some will hopefully understand and talk with their kids. Don't go into the conversation angry, it just makes people not want to cooperate with you despite, in my opinion, how justifiable it may be., Sorry I just imagined myself in your place and I don’t know what I would do. Therefore I would discuss this incident with the children’s therapist and I would look into teaching how to recognize danger, sarcasm, irony, etc I also happen to be a BCBA and I am currently working on a project for helping parents with children diagnosed with autism . I am looking to talk to parents about their experiences, struggles, frustration and dreams. Please let me know if you are interested in collaborating to create something truly meaningful for the parents and children with autism Thank you, The balls these kids have to go to YOUR HOUSE to talk shit like Whhhhat. At a young age kids should be taught about another person’s property and clearly they don’t give a shit or weren’t taught the smallest fraction of respect. I’m so sorry you are dealing with that!, Heh. Jedi hugs, if you want them. That really sucks. I've come to accept bullying as largely inevitable for autistic people. It's sad, but it's going to happen. Kids are jerks. Adults are no better, really.. It's actually easier to deal with in the school setting, because you can be a royal pain in the administration's butt until something changes. :-/, I'm really sorry that this happened to your family. If you have a camera in your door, then you could use it to try to find the parents, or you could post it on Facebook to all the world to see. Your kid deserves to feel safe everywhere, but especially in his home., I came for the suggestions cause I was in the same boat about a month ago. My 4 y.o. and I had gone to a park with his RBT for a "community session" since he struggles with social interactions. He was actually doing well all things considered, and a dollar tree bottle of bubbles had other young kids coming around to play with him. The bubbles also caused him to stim, and at one point he went up to a little girl (7 or 8) who was standing with her older brother (I'd say he was about 10 or 11) and some other older kids. He wanted her to come play with his bubbles, but as he doesn't have strong language skills yet, and doesn't always understand personal space - he got a little too close without saying anything but he was really excited. She pulled away from him like he was a leper, then looked at the other kids around her like he was crazy, then started laughing. I let her know she didn't have to laugh, he's 4 and doesn't understand she doesn't want to play with him; she could just tell him no thank you. It hurt so much more that he didn't understand that she was laughing at him and still just wanted to play with her. I was really upset by the whole thing and was ready to leave, but my son's RBT convinced me to stay and he ended up finding some other children to play with. I don't know if I handled it correctly, and I know that will not be the last time. How do we as parents of ND children, handle these situations without causing more problems for our child?, I’m sorry to hear your son had this experience. It seems that your son asking to play with them suggests he didn’t pick up on their shittyness. I was very much like this and still am to an extent. I don’t pick up on relational aggression, etc. and i think im a happier person as a result . I make a joke out of it, when a coworker says, “did you notice how she said that?” And I’ll say, “no remember I’m autistic I will never notice that.” My partner and I have talked about how he was super self conscious as a teen and always trying to be cool. I didn’t necessarily have great self esteem but I never tried to get people to like me. Sometimes I feel like my differences protected me from some of the peer pressure, etc. that others go through. Your son has a parent who is offering him love and connection and that is what builds self esteem. And of course—it sucks that kids that young are already bullying other kids. But your son is going to be okay with you in his corner!, I think the best thing you can do is to explain how people can be mean and how that’s a choice. Focus on how he chose kindness in the face of cruelty and how powerful that is. You can’t change other’s behavior but from now on, you open the door., Find out where they live or what school they go to and confront the parents. If it gets nasty put their names on social media or neighborhood apps and call out the parents for bad parenting/bullying an ASD child. Sorry I’m ferocious and petty when it comes to my kid so maybe I’m the worst person to give advice on this. :), Damn. That’s so fucking wack. Sometimes, violence is the only answer. I’ve known bullies to get beat into kindness growing up. You and your son deserve genuine friendships and interactions. Kids can be so shitty, and if they have shitty home lives and/or caregivers, they’re that much worse…and even then, sometimes kids are just mean for absolutely no reason. And for what it’s worth, anime is cool…as fuck., ♥️♥️♥️♥️ thank you for this!, The best you could do is talk to their parents!, just imagine the home these kids live in to produce such hate… loving.? i don’t imagine so., Poor thing, he’s too good at being called anime boy. He’s NOT an anime boy, he’s a sweetheart, Sike little do they know how cool your kid is gonna be in high school. Anime is super popular right now compared to when I was a kid growing up. My older daughters are 13 and 11 and they've built their friend groups up around anime. That being said I'd honestly have found out where they live and been knocking on their door real quick. They need to learn that, that shit is NOT okay in 2023. Give their little heads a shake if they think that behavior is okay at 8-9., If he went to school in an anime kid costume, embracing his love of anime, and that anime is cool, might defuse the situation if you'll can pull it off..., But if your son likes anime, that means he’s awesome. :), I told my MIL, about it and asked if she would be extra kind to my son, give a lot of compliments and boost his self esteem when we are over at her house tonight for a bit. Her reply….. “Dagon mean kids they are everywhere at every age at every place. We have all faced bullies in our lives.” She also said we needed to discipline him more and he wouldn’t be autistic. So cold!!, Thank you so much for your validation and empathy. I don’t know where they got that from. He doesnt even watch anime! I don’t know if they meant “autism boy” or if they were referring to how he moves differently? I appreciate your kind words 💗, I would have also had the girl apologize to your daughter for the comments she made about her. This act of aggression didn’t come out of no where. Yes, physical aggression should never be an option, but NT people don’t know how HARD it is to be ND in this world. When they add insult to injury like that, everyone has a braking point., Very good advice. I don’t want to be aggressive as I know we will be living with them as neighbors for sometime. I’ll try to take a collaborative approach, Yes, I’d be interested. I’d love a book like that myself. My son is only 8 and he has been through so much. It’s true heartache with experiences like these and I honestly don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next years!, Thank you! It’s that crazy pack mentality that scares me! Individually they aren’t great, but put them together, and you never know how much it will escalate., I will gladly accept Jedi hugs. Thank you! I needed that. My son is bullied and teased a lot. The school says every case I’ve brought to their attention is “unsubstantiated”. They won’t even recognize his ASD diagnosed by a Dr under his IEP category. My older son has actually played with these neighborhood kids and teamed up with them to run away from his brother. I’ve shown my son books about being a brother of an autistic child on YouTube. I feel conflicted bc I know my older son wants to fit in, but it disgusts me he won’t stand up to the kids that bully his younger brother. My son with ASD actually pushed down a big kid on the bus who was bullying his older brother. It’s so hard in general to be ASD. When kids kick you when your down, it is so overwhelmingly disgusting., That is a great idea. We don’t have a camera, but I will get one. We know the parents. It’s complicated bc I don’t want to start a war where we live. The parents are nice, but I know people get so defensive about their kids. My older son plays with their kids and Id hate for him to be ostracized. We are very limited what we can do socially as it is. I think I’m going to bring it up to them very gently. I’m used to getting barked back at in our IEP meetings, and I don’t want to come off as aggressive. A doorbell cam would be a good place to start, so I can show them their kids behavior and it wouldn’t be just me retelling a story about their kids in a negative light. I know the focus needs to be on making sure my son has one place he feels safe from bullies - his home. Thank you for your suggestion., Thank you for sharing this story. You sound like a great mom. You can’t help but care for your child and his wounds hurt you as well. My son used to get upset at situations like that, but it’s sad he accepts it now. I remember when he was 6, he sat by me on a park bench bc kids ran away from him. He said “I jus wanno be pop-ulaw” aka “I just want to be popular”. I’ll never forget that, or how hard I cried when I got home and could hide in my room for a few minutes. I recently heard ASD social situations can be traumatic and they turn into complex PTSD, and it’s like death by a thousand papercuts. Us moms, are right there too, feeling it all with our kids with the extra layer of guilt that we should be able to fix it all- but we can’t. You know more than you think, you understanding it will happen again. You have an RBT working with your son. You clearly put a lot of thought into your reaction, future scenarios, etc. You are TRYING! Sending love and support, because you need and deserve it too 💗, Gosh, thank you SO much for your kind and thoughtful reply! I hope my love and connection guarantees he will turn out ok. He wants to be liked so much. He has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. He has deeper emotions and empathy because he has gone through so much struggle. I worry this world will eat him alive and that my love is not enough. I appreciate your positive affirmation as someone who has gone through it themselves that the love, I have for him will make a difference. Thank you 💗, Thank you. We talked about choices like tell an adult, words to say, unexpected/expected behavior, that some people want reactions, and some people are just mean. I like your idea about explaining that their actions and words were their choices. It reflects back on how he didn’t do anything wrong., Thank you so much! 💗, I did not grow up in a loving home, and I was never an a hole to people., No offense but MiL sounds like a person I’d vote off the island asap. If they don’t add value and enrichment to your child’s life they should kick rocks. Also that autistic statement would get a lot flack from me. (I cut my moms whole side of the family off for not being supportive) it’s been 4 years of no contact and I have no regrets., Yealet me discipline the autism out...wtf is wrong with her?, My parents respond similarly… “everyone has bullies” 🙄. I’m so sorry. My Mama heart hurts for you and your son. Perhaps take it as an opportunity to educate them. If you see the boys out, go tell them, “I heard you when you rang our doorbell the other day. Yes, Johnny likes anime and that’s okay. You are welcome to come play at our house anytime, please don’t ring the doorbell and run away again”. Idk. I’m scarred from my parents never defending us so I probably overdo it but that is how I would handle it, >She also said we needed to discipline him more and he wouldn’t be autistic. I'd not have her around my kid anymore, as an AuDHD adult. She needs to get voted off the island, as another commenter said - she's not a safe adult to be around your kid., I am not 100% what they said exactly, and I didn't want to lecture them on something I assumed they were saying. Also, my daughter was not being super nice to them either. She was trying to block them from playing in the same area as her, which I was telling her to share the space with the other kids (but she wasn't listening as per usual). I could tell the other kids could pick up on this as well. I can without a doubt say the act of aggression was due to my daughter not wanting to share the space with the other kids., Ugh I’m so sorry!, >They won’t even recognize his ASD diagnosed by a Dr under his IEP category. If you're in the US, this isn't legal - call a lawyer. Your son has ADA rights., I would just ask the parents how your son got the nickname anime boy and say it like it isn't insulting and you are just confused. A parent who is involved and aware would immediately get the point they need to talk to their kid. If they don't get the point they will probably ask out of general curiosity and find out from their child and hopefully take it as a teaching moment., I am sorry that this happened to your kid. My child had a girl bothering her in the classroom and it was also going over her head as well. I bought her the llama llama book about bullying and that was helpful. I understand your reservations, but I would be up front with the parents. Hey, so and so knocked on our door, my son answered, they said "Oh it's anime boy" and then they just ran away. I really can't see that going south, especially if you already have rapport with them. You are just saying what happened., No offense whatsoever taken. Good for you!! You sound like an amazingly strong person. We’ve gotten into some arguments over the years for sure. My side of the family isn’t really present, so unfortunately they are all we have or I would definitely stop contact. She also made fun of his speech, mocking him, thinking it would draw his attention to something “he could fix”. I lost it on that one. If it’s not directly affecting my son, I let my peices nature writhe in agony on the inside while I try to patiently and gently educate her on her ignorance on the outside. Thank you for your support! Your comment made this horrible experience a little better knowing someone understands:), Lol vote off the island. If only., Thank you!! You get it!!, Thank you. The boy who I believe initiated it walks by our house after being dropped off from the bus. That could be a good time to confront him. I’m wondering if I should speak to the parents instead, so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to intimidate him or power trip. I have immediately reacted to the bullying in the past, but it isn’t usually affective. I’ve scared off some kids at parks, etc when I couldn’t find parents. Other times when talking to parents, even though I know I’m in the right, they don’t understand, or get defensive, and I feel even more vulnerable after doing so. Even at school, I speak with the principal, and they don’t take the bullying seriously. It feels so much like we are on our own, and nothing we do prevents bullying. We’ve done social skills classes. I’ve pushed for pragmatics to be on his IEP, we play social skills board games, practice scripts. I read that people make judgements in a split second and bc my son lacks eye contact, facial expression, different body posture, tone of voice, he is instantly targeted. This is a situation I’m afraid we will have to deal with for the rest of life. There are way more NT than ND. It can be a heavy feeling for sure., Oh gotcha. Thanks for clarifying. I’m sorry that sounds like a rough time when your intentions were to give your kiddo some fun, Thank you so much. It’s easy to spiral in situations like this. Your positive comment helps :), I love this idea!! Thank you!!, Honestly it might be more damaging to your son to keep him around toxic uneducated people like that instead of cutting them off; no matter if they're the only family you have right now. Not worth. Anyone who questions my son's disabilities is out, no regrets., Honestly I'd follow him home to talk to his parents. I don't give a f what people think., Yes letting the parents know in a non-confrontational way is probably the best course of action.

Burn out…

How do you prevent burn out or mommy melt-down? I’ve been taking on a lot at work lately (I have very litigious parents and some of my colleagues aren’t on top of it) and am feeling the burn out. I’m thankfully resigning from my job in May (teacher) to stay at home. But right now the burn out is real. Please go hug your child’s teacher!

I give myself an hour, couple times a week, to just do nothing. It’s mom’s hour. Even when I was a single mom. When the lights went out, I had my own quiet time. I stopped spending all my time cooking and cleaning after the kids go to bed., How?, I forgo certain things for the family and focus on what I need. If the dishes need washing but my brain is fried I’ll focus on things that will help my brain feel better. The dishes will be there in the morning and I’ll haul ass to clean them then. I’ve also started leaving some of the toys scattered around especially if it’s out of sight. If I can see the clutter I can’t ignore it There are other things too but basically I prioritize my needs once my kid goes to bed and everything else will eventually get done., I give myself an hour, couple times a week, to just do nothing. It’s mom’s hour. Even when I was a single mom. When the lights went out, I had my own quiet time. I stopped spending all my time cooking and cleaning after the kids go to bed., How?, I forgo certain things for the family and focus on what I need. If the dishes need washing but my brain is fried I’ll focus on things that will help my brain feel better. The dishes will be there in the morning and I’ll haul ass to clean them then. I’ve also started leaving some of the toys scattered around especially if it’s out of sight. If I can see the clutter I can’t ignore it There are other things too but basically I prioritize my needs once my kid goes to bed and everything else will eventually get done., I give myself an hour, couple times a week, to just do nothing. It’s mom’s hour. Even when I was a single mom. When the lights went out, I had my own quiet time. I stopped spending all my time cooking and cleaning after the kids go to bed., How?, I forgo certain things for the family and focus on what I need. If the dishes need washing but my brain is fried I’ll focus on things that will help my brain feel better. The dishes will be there in the morning and I’ll haul ass to clean them then. I’ve also started leaving some of the toys scattered around especially if it’s out of sight. If I can see the clutter I can’t ignore it There are other things too but basically I prioritize my needs once my kid goes to bed and everything else will eventually get done., I give myself an hour, couple times a week, to just do nothing. It’s mom’s hour. Even when I was a single mom. When the lights went out, I had my own quiet time. I stopped spending all my time cooking and cleaning after the kids go to bed., How?, I forgo certain things for the family and focus on what I need. If the dishes need washing but my brain is fried I’ll focus on things that will help my brain feel better. The dishes will be there in the morning and I’ll haul ass to clean them then. I’ve also started leaving some of the toys scattered around especially if it’s out of sight. If I can see the clutter I can’t ignore it There are other things too but basically I prioritize my needs once my kid goes to bed and everything else will eventually get done.

CBD Oil effects on Autistic non verbal kids.

We started giving our 5 year old a CBD oil with 0 THC (its regulated in our country) this week and here is what we noticed 1. Sleep pattern has changed 2. Crying at night 3. Crying during the day for a long period. 4. Stimming on shirt for longer periods of time. The reason we started this was so we could lower his general anxiety so he could be more relaxed but we have seen that the cbd oil is making it bad. Is it "It will get worse before it gets better" situation ? We have him on 0.1ml at the moment and we are seeing this reaction. Why did we ? We started off with traditional medicines and that had the same reaction with him so we decided to go with this after his pediatrician recommended us to give it a go. Can you please share your experience with CBD oil or and provide any general advice you might have on medication dealing with anxiety what could work for our child ?

Sounds like your child has adverse effects to medication and changes in medication. It may be best to leave them unmedicated. That being said, only very specific types of CBD have the effects you’re looking for. What strain of CBD are you using?, Is your pediatrician involved?, You might want to experiment with a few different brands if possible. My kid and I have a lot of experience as cannabis users in a place with recreational legality and both of us would easily agree that not all products are created equal even when the doses are the same. It's a complex plant and a lot of factors are at play., CBD makes me feel awful and uncomfortable so I definitely understand why he might be upset., I work in the cannabis industry and educate patients on cannabis dosing and it takes weeks for your body to adjust to CBD. That dose is so low your body can barely detect it. I'm not sure if you were told to titrate the oil every few days to find the right therapeutic dose or not but it's the lowest dose possible. I also give my son a CBD oil with 0 THC. I live in Canada and buy it from a licensed producer with years of experience producing CBD oils. I would speak to your pediatrician if your concerned about the effect but also consider if there is something else that could be causing those changes. Could this be related to the time change? Lack of sleep? Food allergies? Stress at school? My son showed little to no effect from the CBD oil until 6 weeks after we started it and he's taking .5 ml now, twice a day, with great results. CBD impacts everyone differently so if your concerned speak to your prescribing doctor or someone experienced with CBD dosing for pediatric patients., Hi! I know I'm late to this post, but I found it because I was also searching for parents who have seen negative reactions in their autistic kids from CBD. We were using the 25mg gummies from CBD FX, and I can't 100 percent pinpoint it, but I think it may have been causing extra crying, and agitated behaviors., CBD oil is not psychoactive, so it cannot be affecting your child's behaviour in either direction. Makes sense to discontinue it, regardless. [https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/pep22-06-04-003.pdf](https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/pep22-06-04-003.pdf), It affects adults too, including me. There is more to it. I can elaborate if you want, Also, this medication has very less THC in it. Its CBD only, Not sure about the strain. All it says is cannaboidal 100mg/ml Tetrahydrocannaboidal <1 mg/ml, CBD is not psychoactive so it's not going to change a child's behaviour. THC plausibly would., Yes where I live, its strictly prescription based so the pediatrician had to prescribe and then get us a permit to buy the medication, CBD is not psychoactive so it's not going to affect things either way. https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/pep22-06-04-003.pdf, Thank you. I didn't realize that it might take several weeks for him to get used to it. It might be that there are other factors involved. My partner and I have decided to wait a few days and start again to see how does he reacts. I will speak to my pediatrician about this as well., Yes, I would hope it doesn’t and assumed it doesn’t. Plus your post states it doesn’t. I would do way more research into this before you continue to give it to your child. It doesn’t seem like you’ve looked into it very deeply. You need specific strains to do anything you’re looking to do., As an adult I started CBD at 10-20 mg dose. And I still find no reason to exceed that amount. I know most people will hardline the notion that CBD has zero psychoactivity, but he may be having some undesirable effects at 100 mg. With routine use at doses above 20 mg, i found rebound anxiety and restlessness between doses. Also, cannabinoid product testing practices are not super reliable. Producers are notorious for gaming the system to get results that match label claims (selective sampling, testing facility hopping to evade bad results, etc....). Take any labelling you see with a handful of salt. The effects of products that appear to be the same on paper can be noticeably different., https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33551817/ It changes behaviours indirectly. THC directly changes your behaviour. They both change behaviour in different ways., I agree. We stopped for now and will do more research before continuing down this path

Calcium and autism

Hello everyone! Lately I've been reading about the correlation between calcium levels and autism ([for instance](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4379129)). What I wanted to know, as we're waiting for our next doc appointment, is what kind of lab test do you need to test for this? I'm guessing a simple blood panel may not show what this relates to... Anyone knows? Thanks!

Just ask your doctor....

Can I use our HSA card to pay for an AAC app?

My son got an AAC device (iPad), with Lamp on it, at the recommendation of his SLP. However, he didn’t do well with Lamp, and after getting a new SLP and trying out ProLoQuo2Go on the SLP’s device, he’s doing amazing with this new app. Since our insurance covered the device and one AAC app, they will not pay for another AAC app. It’s $250. We have a good bit on our HSA card. I called the member services number on the card and the lady said “it says speech therapy is a qualified medical expense, but it doesn’t say anything about apps, so I can’t say for sure.” Does anyone know if I can use our HSA card to buy this? Since it is for his speech and will be used in speech therapy? If it turned out that this wasn’t a qualified medical expense under our HSA, could I get in trouble? Thanks!

I was told Proloquo2go tends to go on sale during autism awareness month if it's something you're interested in. We couldn't wait that long so we paid full price, It’s a healthcare expense, so I feel like it makes sense it should qualify?, i do not believe u can… HSA is for health services… the iPad is a tool have u looked into ur social services programs.? i live in SC - and applied and got a free ipad gen.9 with LAMP installed, We did get the iPad covered for free, this is just for the speech app (ProLoQuo2Go), oh… please try LAMP.!! we’ve tried both (Pro + LAMP) and others…. we feel LAMP is superior. with out iPad… we got to choose which app… i can dig up the info if u live in SC, We did try lamp for several months, but my son did much better with ProLoQuo2Go. He is only 3.5 so I think the bigger buttons are just way easier for him until he’s older. We did get to choose an app, and we chose lamp. But now we want ProLoQuo2go and our insurance won’t cover a 2nd app., I was told Proloquo2go tends to go on sale during autism awareness month if it's something you're interested in. We couldn't wait that long so we paid full price, It’s a healthcare expense, so I feel like it makes sense it should qualify?, i do not believe u can… HSA is for health services… the iPad is a tool have u looked into ur social services programs.? i live in SC - and applied and got a free ipad gen.9 with LAMP installed, We did get the iPad covered for free, this is just for the speech app (ProLoQuo2Go), oh… please try LAMP.!! we’ve tried both (Pro + LAMP) and others…. we feel LAMP is superior. with out iPad… we got to choose which app… i can dig up the info if u live in SC, We did try lamp for several months, but my son did much better with ProLoQuo2Go. He is only 3.5 so I think the bigger buttons are just way easier for him until he’s older. We did get to choose an app, and we chose lamp. But now we want ProLoQuo2go and our insurance won’t cover a 2nd app., I was told Proloquo2go tends to go on sale during autism awareness month if it's something you're interested in. We couldn't wait that long so we paid full price, It’s a healthcare expense, so I feel like it makes sense it should qualify?, i do not believe u can… HSA is for health services… the iPad is a tool have u looked into ur social services programs.? i live in SC - and applied and got a free ipad gen.9 with LAMP installed, We did get the iPad covered for free, this is just for the speech app (ProLoQuo2Go), oh… please try LAMP.!! we’ve tried both (Pro + LAMP) and others…. we feel LAMP is superior. with out iPad… we got to choose which app… i can dig up the info if u live in SC, We did try lamp for several months, but my son did much better with ProLoQuo2Go. He is only 3.5 so I think the bigger buttons are just way easier for him until he’s older. We did get to choose an app, and we chose lamp. But now we want ProLoQuo2go and our insurance won’t cover a 2nd app., I was told Proloquo2go tends to go on sale during autism awareness month if it's something you're interested in. We couldn't wait that long so we paid full price, It’s a healthcare expense, so I feel like it makes sense it should qualify?, i do not believe u can… HSA is for health services… the iPad is a tool have u looked into ur social services programs.? i live in SC - and applied and got a free ipad gen.9 with LAMP installed, We did get the iPad covered for free, this is just for the speech app (ProLoQuo2Go), oh… please try LAMP.!! we’ve tried both (Pro + LAMP) and others…. we feel LAMP is superior. with out iPad… we got to choose which app… i can dig up the info if u live in SC, We did try lamp for several months, but my son did much better with ProLoQuo2Go. He is only 3.5 so I think the bigger buttons are just way easier for him until he’s older. We did get to choose an app, and we chose lamp. But now we want ProLoQuo2go and our insurance won’t cover a 2nd app.

Can I use our HSA for a portable safety bed?

I found a portable safe sleep bed for $500. I want to use it for vacation this year. We have been in a year long battle for insurance to cover a safety bed, I don’t have another year to wait on an alternative. Does anyone know if I can use our HSA card for this purchase? I did call our insurance and the lady said I’d have to call the number on our HSA card, which I did, and left a message, but no one has called back yet.

I recommend you keep calling. Often times with anything insurance related, they tend not to call you back. I've had insurance related questions before and had to keep calling until SOMEONE picked up., I recommend you keep calling. Often times with anything insurance related, they tend not to call you back. I've had insurance related questions before and had to keep calling until SOMEONE picked up., I recommend you keep calling. Often times with anything insurance related, they tend not to call you back. I've had insurance related questions before and had to keep calling until SOMEONE picked up., I recommend you keep calling. Often times with anything insurance related, they tend not to call you back. I've had insurance related questions before and had to keep calling until SOMEONE picked up.

Can anyone help me with a perspective change?

I have three kids of varying levels of autism. Because of this I feel like I've been in survival mode for as long as I've been a mom, which is 7 years. I'm miserable most of the time, I'm constantly saying I hate my life. But lately I've been feeling guilty for hating my existence. My husband and I have the same kids but he doesn't seem to struggle through parenting like I do. Anyway I just wanted to see if anyone could help me with something that has helped them, like a mantra or mental exercise when it feels hard.

Are you getting any time for yourself? I recently read "How to Keep House while Drowning," and one of the things it talks about is real rest time, where you can do whatever you want. That includes not being on call to deal with kid issues. So, if your only breaks are the nights after the kids have gone to bed and even then you are listening for them to wake up and get them water, that is not real rest. That was a revelation to me. Basically, I am saying that your feelings are valid, you're feeling the way you are because parenting is damn hard and a disproportionate amount of load tends to fall on moms, and you need to find a way to get yourself a bit of respite., There is no objective standard of hard. Things that are hard for one person can be super easy for another. You are human and do not have unlimited capacity. We are all born with different strengths and challenges and limitations. Your husband has an entirely different set of life experiences and his day to day parenting experience is likely very different from yours. Finding things hard and struggling is not a moral failing. All it means is that the expectations placed on you and the circumstances you find yourself in exceed your capacity and ability to cope. It's not your fault., I will tell you getting a set of air pods and having one in my ear helps significantly. Whether it’s a podcast or music, or just muffling the amount of noise kids make, it’s been life changing., Please try to get therapy or something like that, maybe marriage counseling. Most couples don't make it very long with special needs kids. Try to get time for yourself. You are doing amazing, and I'm proud of you., Shifting my perspective that self care is morally neutral was a really great takeaway from that book!, Are you getting any time for yourself? I recently read "How to Keep House while Drowning," and one of the things it talks about is real rest time, where you can do whatever you want. That includes not being on call to deal with kid issues. So, if your only breaks are the nights after the kids have gone to bed and even then you are listening for them to wake up and get them water, that is not real rest. That was a revelation to me. Basically, I am saying that your feelings are valid, you're feeling the way you are because parenting is damn hard and a disproportionate amount of load tends to fall on moms, and you need to find a way to get yourself a bit of respite., There is no objective standard of hard. Things that are hard for one person can be super easy for another. You are human and do not have unlimited capacity. We are all born with different strengths and challenges and limitations. Your husband has an entirely different set of life experiences and his day to day parenting experience is likely very different from yours. Finding things hard and struggling is not a moral failing. All it means is that the expectations placed on you and the circumstances you find yourself in exceed your capacity and ability to cope. It's not your fault., I will tell you getting a set of air pods and having one in my ear helps significantly. Whether it’s a podcast or music, or just muffling the amount of noise kids make, it’s been life changing., Please try to get therapy or something like that, maybe marriage counseling. Most couples don't make it very long with special needs kids. Try to get time for yourself. You are doing amazing, and I'm proud of you., Shifting my perspective that self care is morally neutral was a really great takeaway from that book!, Are you getting any time for yourself? I recently read "How to Keep House while Drowning," and one of the things it talks about is real rest time, where you can do whatever you want. That includes not being on call to deal with kid issues. So, if your only breaks are the nights after the kids have gone to bed and even then you are listening for them to wake up and get them water, that is not real rest. That was a revelation to me. Basically, I am saying that your feelings are valid, you're feeling the way you are because parenting is damn hard and a disproportionate amount of load tends to fall on moms, and you need to find a way to get yourself a bit of respite., There is no objective standard of hard. Things that are hard for one person can be super easy for another. You are human and do not have unlimited capacity. We are all born with different strengths and challenges and limitations. Your husband has an entirely different set of life experiences and his day to day parenting experience is likely very different from yours. Finding things hard and struggling is not a moral failing. All it means is that the expectations placed on you and the circumstances you find yourself in exceed your capacity and ability to cope. It's not your fault., I will tell you getting a set of air pods and having one in my ear helps significantly. Whether it’s a podcast or music, or just muffling the amount of noise kids make, it’s been life changing., Please try to get therapy or something like that, maybe marriage counseling. Most couples don't make it very long with special needs kids. Try to get time for yourself. You are doing amazing, and I'm proud of you., Shifting my perspective that self care is morally neutral was a really great takeaway from that book!, Are you getting any time for yourself? I recently read "How to Keep House while Drowning," and one of the things it talks about is real rest time, where you can do whatever you want. That includes not being on call to deal with kid issues. So, if your only breaks are the nights after the kids have gone to bed and even then you are listening for them to wake up and get them water, that is not real rest. That was a revelation to me. Basically, I am saying that your feelings are valid, you're feeling the way you are because parenting is damn hard and a disproportionate amount of load tends to fall on moms, and you need to find a way to get yourself a bit of respite., There is no objective standard of hard. Things that are hard for one person can be super easy for another. You are human and do not have unlimited capacity. We are all born with different strengths and challenges and limitations. Your husband has an entirely different set of life experiences and his day to day parenting experience is likely very different from yours. Finding things hard and struggling is not a moral failing. All it means is that the expectations placed on you and the circumstances you find yourself in exceed your capacity and ability to cope. It's not your fault., I will tell you getting a set of air pods and having one in my ear helps significantly. Whether it’s a podcast or music, or just muffling the amount of noise kids make, it’s been life changing., Please try to get therapy or something like that, maybe marriage counseling. Most couples don't make it very long with special needs kids. Try to get time for yourself. You are doing amazing, and I'm proud of you., Shifting my perspective that self care is morally neutral was a really great takeaway from that book!

Can someone just get a crystal ball and tell me how this all ends up?

I google the ends of books and shows before I finish them. I ruin every surprise for myself. I used to shake my Christmas and birthday presents to figure out what they were before hand. I am an OVER planner. But my son is the ultimate mystery and it’s killing me to not know what the future holds. I want to explain some things about him to you all in the hopes that some of you, who have had similar situations, can share with me how things have turned out and what your kiddos are like today. He is 2.5 and non verbal. He was diagnosed with level 2 autism in February and has been in ABA since April 17. He has been in speech and occupational therapy for over a year. His receptive language isn’t great, though he does understand a few basic requests. He gets very very frustrated when we try to teach him things. He doesn’t like us interacting with him too much while he’s playing, but he does ask for cuddles and affection quite often. His behavior isn’t great. He has intense meltdowns all throughout the day. Yes, I know, he is 2.5 and meltdowns are expected. But he has full blown meltdowns over everything. I really don’t know what is normal toddler behavior and what is different. Will he ever have a wife and kids? Will he have good lifelong friends? Will he have a successful job? Will he be safe and loved? Those are questions every parent asks, I realize this. But I also need to know if I will ever be able to talk to him. Will I ever be able to teach him things? Will ever tell me he loves me back? How severe is this really? What kind of life will he have? I don’t know if any of this makes sense. Sorry.

Every child is different. Anything I say about one child couldn’t predict or capture what its in store for your little guy. 2.5 is very young- remind yourself to meet him where he’s at. Forget the wife and kids thought just for now and focus on Sesame Street and bath time., Sometimes I think kids are here just to remind us we know nothing. Whether it’s NT or ND. It will get better. Just keep working at it., Anything could happen—it’s both awful and wonderful!, Wow, I absolutely could have written this post myself - I feel every word of it so, so deeply. I wish I had answers for us both, but in absence of those, I'm wishing you and your little guy happy and fulfilling lives., if he has receptive language now i think he has a good chance of being able to develop decent enough communication skills to survive. but overall? it’s really hard to tell what he’ll have in the future. maybe he’ll have a husband or wife and have a bunch of pets in place of children. maybe he’ll be single and happy to be single. maybe he’ll have a good career. maybe he’ll be someone who doesn’t make a lot but has a humble lifestyle and is fine with not being super successful. the possibilities with young young kids are pretty crazy. i also think we as humans have weird expectations for other people of what counts as an ideal life. but i think your son will be able to live a happy life and be loved, maybe not in the sense most people expect their kids to be, but happiness is happiness as long as it doesn’t hurt them in the long run, *rubs crystal ball* Im getting something! Everything will be okay is what it's telling me , As a parent of two autistic children, I have these same thoughts at times. When I get anxious about it, I try to see possibilities instead of uncertainties. I think of other people’s situations and if knowing that the child will need to be cared for as an adult, would it make it easier. No, for me, it makes it worse. I don’t know what the max potential of my children is, but I know that the earlier and more often that I work with them, combined with school and other therapies, they will get close to it. Treat each day as an opportunity to play with them, develop their skills, and help them grow. Progress will likely be slow but it will happen. Enjoy the process and make it fun for them too., My little brother was nonverbal until about 3ish. Today, he is extremely high functioning. He drives, has two jobs, graduated high school and college with 4.1gpas, has a YouTube channel, and is very affectionate and thoughtful. That said, he still struggles deeply with critical thinking, anxiety and OCD. He has the same fears you're expressing. He's worried he will never marry or date or have children. I think it's something everyone worries about for their children. I am honored to be his sister., I strongly recommend reading The Explosive Child. Constant meltdowns aren’t normal for any child. Behavior = communication. If he’s acting out, something’s wrong - it’s too loud, too bright, too many people, too much change, etc etc. It’s important to learn your child’s triggers and work around them when you can. For example, the word “no” triggers many kids. It can help to find other ways to say no without using the word. I’m not at all advocating for letting a child do whatever they want, but the reality is you have to choose your battles. And nobody knows what the future holds., Mine is 19 and level 3 ASD, as well as a couple of comorbid diagnoses on the DSM. All I can say is that there will be good times and bad times. Watch out for puberty but basically just love your kid for who he is, not who you want him to be., I’m not sure how it’ll end but I will say my child at 2.5 is not the same child at 4… things hopefully will get better., My brother was moderate autism (now level 2) back in the 90s. Through a lot of effort on everyone's part, lots of speech therapy, and a few good teachers, he graduated high school with good grades, is holding down a job, and working through college. He's still living with my mom while he does college - but most people do. He's able to make doctor's appointments and drive himself to them. We have to keep reminding him to not use his phone while he drives - but my NT cousins struggle with that as well. Your kid will be loved. He will have the family he chooses. Right now is a hard developmental phase for NT kids. Add ASD into the mix and it's pretty easy to see why it's meltdown central. For my brother, right around 6 or so, his meltdowns disappeared completely until puberty. And his puberty meltdowns were all because of hunger. Once we got him to eat every 2-3 hours, his puberty meltdowns disappeared. My own daughter is ASD level 1 and pretty much from 2 until 4, it's been meltdown central. I joke that it's a harder version of when she was a newborn. Is she hungry? Tired? Wet pull-up? Repeat., We can't tell this with children, neurotypical or neurodivergent. We also never know this about other adults or even ourselves - thinking we know what is going to happen down the road is just an illusion meant to make people feel safe; it's not real. Children are especially always a gamble and a mystery. Having them is supposed to develop your patience and acceptance. 😉, > Will he ever have a wife and kids? Will he have good lifelong friends? Will he have a successful job? Will he be safe and loved? Those are questions every parent asks, I realize this. But I also need to know if I will ever be able to talk to him. Will I ever be able to teach him things? Will ever tell me he loves me back? How severe is this really? What kind of life will he have? Will he ever have his heart destroyed? Will he ever slave away to a 9-5? Will he ever feel like a failure? Will he ever have to meet expectations? Will he ever be forced to study 10 hours a day? Will he ever get saddled with $100k debt just to have a decent job? Will he ever look at weekends as just "the time I have to get shit done"? Will he ever worry? Will he ever acknowledge contempt from his fellow humans? Will he ever care wtf anyone else thinks of him? Will he ever have to see mass murders on the news every day? Will he ever know about the millions of children sold into slavery every few years? Will he ever have to worry about Nazis at his door? Will.he.ever.have.to.pretend.he.is.something.that.he.is.not?, We don’t know the future of our kids whether they’re autistic or not. Anything can happen along the way, good or bad or neutral, that will impact how life goes for them. There is no certainty. I know that this is amplified when our kids have something going on that isn’t typical, whether it’s autism or trauma or an illness or injury etc, but it’s our anxiety that makes everything so much harder. Instead of wasting energy trying to figure out the future, focus that energy on managing your anxiety so that the future becomes less scary. Practicing CBT is a great way to work on changing the thoughts that get our anxiety going into thoughts that calm us. It does take a ton of practice to change those automatic thoughts, but it’s definitely worth it., My two at 2.5 were both non-verbal, not potty trained, absolute train wrecks of emotional dysregulation and both had raging ADHD along with sensory challenges. The older one started talking more around five or six, by seven she was able to have a basic conversation and was reading almost at grade level, started first grade in a private, Catholic school without supports that year after having about six months of OT and probably just over a year of speech, mostly to help her enunciate. She's my close but no cigar kid, as in has lots of autistic behaviors but not enough for a diagnosis. She is now 12 and other than some issues socially due to her language delay when she was younger, she's doing well. The younger one is more severe but her receptive language really kicked in a few years ago, her expressive language within the last year has really taken a leap. She's 8 now and for kindergarten and first grade was in an autism class but due to her needing more help, was moved to a moderate support class this year where she thrived. She still has frustrations that make her act out, but mostly that is due to inability to communicate her wishes. Her teacher worked with her on sign language this year, as she was an ECE teacher for years and signs well, and knew my daughter had signed in ECE so she has pushed her hard to use her signs. Which is great, because she absolutely has refused to use her AAC program since last year. She has come so far though. Everything from just taking her out in public to having her with me for all her big sisters extracurricular activities, she has weathered them all and honestly, back when she was younger, she would have never tolerated any of this stuff. My advice is never stop pushing to get them the help they need and to move them forward. Rarely will you see ginormous gains all come at once, but slow and steady wins the race. I look back and where both my girls were years ago and I'm amazed at all they have accomplished so far. Especially the younger one. Yes it helps that they have both been on the Nemechek protocol for years, which helped greatly with sensory stuff, but even things like ear plugs for loud environments really helps her stay regulated and makes outings to loud places more enjoyable. Just keep pushing him, watch for what triggers him and find ways to help alleviate those, and keep him in therapies (OT is huge for regulation help) and you should see improvement over time., I received a rather mild talking to from my child’s preschool teacher for trying to plan for kindergarten- 1st grade/early elementary school. I’m an over thinker and planner as well and it just is terribly hard to not be able to know if I can even keep doing what I’m doing professionally and how invested I should be if I’m going to need to give it all up for my child (I absolutely would if I needed to). I’ve been told to just plan for the next step and no further. I’m trying to coach myself to do this and fill up my free time with hobbies/activities so my mind doesn’t wander into this space of planning for the future., Please try again later, I’m a lot like you. It’s anxiety. I sometimes get really anxious not knowing how movies or shows will end, so I look it up so I can relax and enjoy the movie. Unfortunately there are no spoilers for parenting, especially when parenting children who are on the spectrum. But in a way that’s a good thing. Because that means the future is not set in stone, which means that there is a lot you can do as a parent to help your child maximize their potential. And since your boy is so young, you can start doing all the therapies and programs that you need at the right age to give him the best possible outcome. The best I can tell you is that there is plenty of reason to hope that your child will have the ability to have friends, a job, or a relationship if that’s what he wants. He’s just a toddler now and it’s ok if he’s having intense meltdowns and behaviors. Those things can all improve with a lot of love, patience, and professional assistance. There are no guarantees in parenting any child, but there is so much you can do to give your child the best possible outcome, and that’s where your focus should be. It’s hard to learn how to get comfortable living with so much still unknown. I’m still struggling myself., My son is almost 2.5 and going for his evaluation next week. Your description of your son sounded a lot like mine and I have the exact same questions as you. I just want to know if he will have a good, happy life. Will other kids be nice to him? I get sad just thinking about how I can't guarantee any of this for him. Of course, I couldn't if he was NT either, but ASD just makes it even harder for me to speculate about the future. I do have anxiety so I can't help but worry about this constantly., Just came here to say I’ve been where you are and had the same list of questions. I think it’s part of accepting the diagnosis. The more I accept it the less I feel the need to know. Also the more time that passes the less anxious I am about the situation and the list of questions. I’m sorry I don’t have any answers for you but I just want you to know your not alone and it’s normal to feel what your feeling ❤️!, So I'll share our story. He had 1 word at 18 months and we brought up concerns and the doc said wait to two, well that changed nothing. We went head first into evals and therapies. We gained more words slowly but only requesting words like, sandwich, milk, water, cracker, gummies, juice. It wasn't until between 3-4 that we finally started to get 2-3 word sentences. Lots of scripting and echolalia still, but some improvement. Still in pullups but between 3-4 would pee in the toilet but pooping was a no-go. His receptive language for multiple steps or things like feelings was still not great. During this age we started "transitioning timers" which felt stupid at first. But i promise you need to do this to help with meltdowns. Just start using a timer for everything or we would say "15 mins until we have to ______" and repeat every 5 mins then do 3,2,1 mins. Once he understood this we could transition better and give preferred activities and things up more easily. Between 4-5 we pooped in the potty (lots of tears) and no more pullups and he tries to wipe/pat on his own. Washes his hands on his own, and tries to brush teeth. His receptive language is better now but still can be tough (explaining his teeth will grow back sucks). His expensive language is decent, we can give options for activities or foods. He will say what he does or doesn't like. He understands (on his own) he has to protect his little brother from unsafe things like jumping on the couch or walking out the door. He can write and just started reading very easy books. He's made "friends" at kindergarten and day treatment that he's hung out with outside of these activities. Because his language is growing he now has a tough time and has started to hit, kick, and push more, but my theory is that he's entered a phase he completely skipped that toddlers go through during their language growth. We never had the terrible 2s or 3s, he was so easy going and happy. So it's very tough but i have been trying to look at things like, "we had a great day from 6am to 4pm and he turned into a wolverine from only 4-7pm". I tend to try and view meltdowns as snap shots and not something that ruins the other good parts of the day. We still can't leave him with family because they live too far away and aren't use to watching him, which hurts because we are always watching our neighbors go on couple vacations while family watches their kids. I don't know what his future holds and it gives me anxiety about group homes, friends, relationships, life without us, working, and even what about my life when I'm older? Will i be able to do the things I want too as an empty nester like travel or go do humanitarian work as a healthcare worker? All i know is that 5 years ago my kid now was a dream to think about, because everything seemed impossible. I am hopeful that in 5 more years we see even more improvement. It's tough and it's not easy and something's will and will not happen for you. Just keep putting in work and effort and it will pay off i promise. PS: watch what you say. Just because it seems like their receptive language isn't there doesn't mean they aren't absorbing things. Our dude appropriately dropped all sorts of curse words or words me and my wife would say in frustratint situations after 4-5 years old when he would have frustrating things have happen (like spilling a cup). So they are always absorbing it just takes longer or they need different types of help to understand and express that back to you., I have OCD and my brain struggles with uncertainty about a lot of things. Processing my son's ASD diagnosis (diagnosed a few months ago) and all of the "what ifs" about the future has been a LOT. So yeah, I strongly relate and wish I had better answers and also wish I had a crystal ball! Very much working through this myself, but what I can say from anxiety therapy is that accepting and redirecting these anxious thoughts works better long-term than "reassurance seeking" trying to tell yourself what will/will not happen. For example: Brain: "That red spot on the bus seat you accidentally touched was probably blood, you've now contracted HIV, and are now going to lose everything meaningful in your life and die of AIDS." Better response: "Yep, that's a possibility, this bus could also crash and kill us all today, who knows what will happen?" \[redirect to reading an engaging book, etc.\] Worse response: "That's not how HIV is transmitted. Everything's going to be fine. Stop thinking about this." \[turns into back and forth anxiety spiral of "But what if it really was blood??" "No it wasn't." "But it could have been!" Etc.\] So I'm trying REALLY hard to apply the same techniques to worries about my son and what his life will be like in 20 years. A million times easier said than done. Also, I'm trying hard to reconsider what my vision is of an "ideal" "successful" life for my son is -- like, actually stopping and thinking, why do I have the idea that the only way for him to be happy is \_\_\_? Learning and thinking more about ableism. Not about autism, but I recently read the amazing book "Raising a Rare Girl" which touches on some of these themes; would highly recommend! I wish the best for you and your son!!!, Feel free to come join us over at r/spicyautism It’s a subreddit for higher needs (level 2 and 3) autistic people, a lot of whom are minimally or non-verbal and rely heavily on support workers and caregivers, but are nonetheless awesome people! A lot of the other autism spaces on the internet paint a picture of high functioning autism which just isn’t realistic for many of us (successful jobs, romantic relationships, independence in early twenties, active in communities etc) and might give you an unrealistic idea of your son’s future. In saying that, your son is very young and might end up being closer to level 1 as he gets older. Best of luck!, One thing for certain is he will always have you so you gotta show him you will always be there no matter one., All the questions you have listed are questions we all have about our kids NT or ND. I would highly suggest you stop thinking about the future and live in the now. Compare his current self to his past self and you will see improvements. And as he continues his therapies he will improve further. My daughter is nearly 5 and she can go to the park and play independently now and I have to keep an eye on her but I don’t have to follow her every where. At 2.5 I had to follow her constantly and decide whether today I want to go to the park and apologise to people or not go at all, it was that bad. No one knows what the future holds. There are other autism subreddits where actual autistic people are answering and asking questions. There are real life examples of autistic people doing big things in the world. I recently learned of a man who did not speak until 18 but is now a professor at Cambridge university. On this subreddit I have came across a few people who said their autistic kids had a light bulb moment in ages 7+ and now everything is fine. Point is you just don’t know how it will be and thinking about it will make your life miserable., Like others have said, I literally could have written most of this post myself. My 5 year old has been in speech therapy since the age of 2, and only consistent OT for about 9 months. This last year a private evaluation labeled him as “severely autistic” which we were relatively confident was not a correct labeling of his support needs. Not even a year later we finally had our actual diagnosis appointment with a developmental pediatrician and she labeled it level 1 for behavior and level 2 for communication. But I think if he had any of his meltdowns maybe she would have labeled him level 2 in both categories? Either way, I’m not actually concerned about the label… I’m concerned about the NOW, and literally EVERYTHING in his future. When I have “down time” I’m not relaxing and reading a book, I’m searching for play groups, activities to do that we might be able to do as a family, potential other activities and therapies, and looking into what other things I could/should do as a parent. I question everything I do every single day. I question if we are doing enough to support the best possible outcome for my son…. I question every therapy interaction. We dealt with so much turnover and BS with his speech therapists at the age of two… at that time it was our first time dealing with therapists so I feel like I didn’t have the voice of discernment when it comes to my child and therapy/therapists that I have now. I also wish I had a glass ball to let me know if I can let my guard down a tiny bit and will he be okay? Will he be okay if we can’t get him into a private school for special education and goes to public school? Or would continuing to homeschooling provide the best possible outcome for him? I can see a possible future where he is able to live alone and have a job and be happy… but I can also see a potential future where he needs to live with us well into and beyond adulthood. It’s hard to not dwell on the potential realities, because I think they require very different planning. Like planning for a retirement is definitely different than planning for a child that might always be dependent upon you….I personally can’t stop thinking about it., Ours had the worst meltdowns at that age, they went away around 3.5-4, My son is 2.5 and is literally the exact same minus the meltdowns. My son has never had a meltdown or tantrum before which is honest even weirder to me but he's right there with your son. I think about these things every single day. I have decided I can handle almost anything as long as he can talk. That's the one thing I'm praying for. I'll obviously love him no matter what I just hope he's able to talk. Sorry not much advice but you're not alone., Yes, he will have all that and probably more, Probably you already know this, but be aware that ABA can often be extremely harmful. I've fortunately never had to go through it, but I would strongly suggest looking for accounts of other autistic people who have. Also, when you feel worried or anxious, remember that normal is a social construct. What brings happiness and fulfillment to your son might look different for him than for neurotypicals, but it is equally valid. Researching social model of disability might also be helpful for you if you haven't! With meltdowns, remember that behavior is communication. In other words, his way of telling you things. Have you researched other methods of communication that might work better for him than verbal speech? Many professionals invalidate these, but they are all worthwhile and completely valid! I promise you've got this! I'm happy to answer other questions if you have them!, It all ends in death... that's how life goes. Gone in the blink of an eye., >but i think your son will be able to live a happy life and be loved, maybe not in the sense most people expect their kids to be, but happiness is happiness as long as it doesn’t hurt them in the long run This is something I remind myself of every single day. What makes for a "successful" or happy life is not a universal experience. All parents experience this with their kids - NT or not. I'm sure my parents were baffled by my love for scuzzy punk music and vegetarianism, but they loved me fiercely and supported me always. It's just a bit harder for us because society is currently and historically stacked against our kids in so many ways. But who knows what the future will look like as neurodiversity increases and society becomes less rigid about how people "should" live., Needed to hear this. Have a 7 yr old non verbal daughter, Same ♥️, This one resonates with me. I am level 1, though I didn't receive any type of services growing up. I was left to figure it out for myself. I have a spouse and a home and children and a career. I am also anxious all the time at the state of the world and the precariousness of my family's situation (multiple medical issues, ASD/ADHD child, no support, finances one big hit from ruin thanks to aforementioned medical issues). Sometimes even when things "turn out fine", you're not fine., I love the plug for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I think everyone could benefit from CBT. It can be truly life changing. This response is so wonderful. I think highlighting that there are no certainties for any child is key. OP, my advice in addition to this response is to focus on making the present a success. We cannot control the future, but we can shape and mold the present now. I’m the queen of worry so I know this is much easier said than done, but try to direct that energy into what’s happening today. You may find, hopefully, that you don’t have time to be overwhelmed by the what ifs of tomorrow., ABA is a lot different than it used to be and has helped so many in a good way. It's not like it was for the people who were in it 15 to 20 years ago at all., Yeah but until we all die, there is beautiful life to be lived. Cheer up, buddy., I'm sorry for the slow response, but I did want to say thank you for sharing your perspective! Do you by chance have any articles or research studies I could read about this? I would genuinely love to learn more!

Can summer camps legally turn away my child?

Can summer camps legally turn away my child? My 4.5yo son is diagnosed with autism and ADHD. He is enrolled in summer camp which starts Monday 6/12/23. Our son is not fully potty trained. He is getting close, but not quite fully trained. The summer camp states the below on their website (redacted camp name), but someone on the phone told us “they don’t have a license to change diapers”. Do we have any parental rights here or is the camp allowed to kick us out due to potty training issues? “As one of the nation’s leading youth development organizations, (redacted) takes pride in its long-standing commitment to providing programs and services to all youth and families. (Redacted) Statement of Inclusion: (Redacted) believes in the dignity and the intrinsic worth of every human being. We welcome, affirm, and support young people and adults of all abilities and disabilities, experiences, races, ethnicities, socio-economic backgrounds, sexual orientations, gender identities and expressions, religion and non-religion, citizenship and immigration status, and any other category people use to define themselves or others. We strive to create safe and inclusive environments that celebrate diversity and foster positive relationships.”

Unfortunately, they totally can. Especially when diapering is involved. In my state you have to be licensed as a daycare in order to change diapers. You could try and push it if he's mostly potty trained, but taking any legal route probably wouldn't go well for you. You should definitely be getting a full refund from them, though. Sorry 😭 I know it stinks. My son is also 4.5 and we're only just starting potty training. I am so excited for him to be done with it so I can start putting him in activities and camps., Yes, they can. Summer camp is a privilege for some kids, not a right. They decide which kid gets in and which doesn’t. When they say they’re not equipped to take care of your child or keep them safe, believe them., Yes they can deny him for that. They won’t let kids go to preschool here without being potty trained so I believe it., They can exclude anyone they want. They have no requirement to follow the kind of federal laws that public schools do. My son just participated in a week long camp specifically for special needs kids. It’s not cheap for the parents plus they rely on charitable donations and volunteers to make it possible. There was about 1 trained volunteer for every 2 campers. And most of these kids are relatively high functioning (not a very useful term overall, but hopefully you get what I mean). My son has tried YMCA camp in the past, and while it wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t great either. Their staff are trained to deal with NT kids. If someone there knows about autistic kids, it’s entirely by coincidence. There is an unfortunate dearth of summer/recreational activities for special needs kids. But it’s not terribly surprising - it requires a lot of people, time, training, and money. We are so grateful for all people out there that do make it happen. It’s so needed., Summer camps are not public schools. It is private care and not based on public funding. They do not have any obligations to make accommodations or provide a service. Diapers are a biohazard and do require special equipment., Just about every preschool aged activity I've found says must be potty trained., Why would you want someone who isn't comfortable, trained, or prepared taking on your child? I mean, yeah, it sucks there isn't more for certain kids but let's be honest. If something happened to your kid while they were in their care, you'd be furious at best. I'd rather someone say we can't handle that than send my kid somewhere he could die for inclusion sake., As your kid gets older you need to be aware that they can refuse to take your kid for any reason. Many camps are not equipped to deal with kids with autism and adhd. It is possible you will not have access to all camps going forward, either. However, the potty issue is a separate one that can apply to any kid who isn’t potty trained. They can’t take a kid who isn’t potty trained. This is super standard and there isn’t even anything they can do. Like, they probably legally can’t take a kid, and they don’t have the staff to deal with diaper changes. Also, statements about inclusion don’t mean what you think they mean. So eg the YMCA is open to people of all abilities, but that doesn’t mean a child of any ability can join any and every program they have. They will make efforts so that you can take your kid to the pool, or so that adults with disabilities can access the pool, or they may offer discounted one on one swim lessons to kids with disabilities (if you can get into a swim lesson…) - but that doesn’t mean a child can join a regular swim lesson if they’re disruptive or if they need one on one support. It doesn’t mean a child with disabilities would be guaranteed a spot in their preschool or camp or afterschool program or basketball class. If that child needs supports beyond what they can provide as part of the regular class, that child likely cannot attend that program. I just dropped out of an “inclusion program” that was super not inclusive (not at the Y), so head’s up, Unfortunately they do have to go through different licensing for changing diapers, They unfortunately don’t have to accept him. Is you popping in to change it at set times a possibility? I would personally send an email asking for clarification. It’s possible that the phone lady didn’t have the authority to make that decision. By sending an email it would hopefully reach the head of the camp who may be willing to problem solve a bit more., Unless it is actually an extended school year or 11 month school program they don't have to take him. You could call around to see if a daycare that also takes preschool age kids has a spot open. If you do go the nanny route the libraries and community centers may offer social classes, co-ops or allow him to attend with a caregiver who could change him. If he is getting early intervention services ask them for recommendations for special needs camps., They can kick a kid out for potty training and they can also kick him out if they feel they can’t adequately handle him if he has any special needs or behavior issues that would require extra support than a typical camper. They don’t want to get sued because of an injury or other serious issue. Try to find summer camps that are specifically geared towards special needs kids until you’re sure he can handle a typical camp. Good luck!, It's real disingenuous to have that frou frou statement on their website and not follow through, but legally they're not obligated to. Even if you could strong arm them into it, do you want your disabled child in the hands of people you had to strong arm?, I’m so sorry to hear this has happened. Camps are allowed to deny children based on specific needs and safety measures. To those of us in the disability community it hits hard as it is often our kids turned away, even though it’s for good reason it still hurts. Camps require special licensing and specialty trained staff to do toileting. It is often difficult to get enough staff and the proper kind of staff for specific needs. However, I was wondering, would the camp be willing to have a worker accompany your child? Some will and some won’t. I realize that this would be an added expense and therefore probably not doable, but maybe even a week or two for the experience?, In my state it's a legal issue, so yeah, if something involves hands on ADLs they have to be specialy trained and liscenced to do that, My son is also not fully potty trained but I have camps (in two different programs) for him regardless. One actually has an inclusion program and these are your best bet for camps. Most religious preschools have one (you don’t have to be religious yourself). Just sharing they are the ones who actually do accept and support my child. The second program does “require” them to be potty trained but I called ahead and explained- “my son needs reminders and to be taken to the bathroom- if so he should not have a problem. Additionally I can come in the middle of the day to check in on him. and change him if needed”. And they were fine with that. Moreover I show up day 1 and I find that one of his camp counselors is a special ed teacher in the school year and she told me not to worry she’s got this. 🙏🏽❤️. So I guess, talk to them, show you are willing to help if needed, so your child can benefit from the experience. If it’s a no go- find camps that have actual “inclusion” support., Yeah. They can. Been there. We've been denied from so many places. Day cares, after school programs, camps, schools, hell... Even dentists offices. They wrote it off and say they don't have the appropriate staff for the most part (even when they most certainly do) like the school thing said they didn't have the support for a level 3 but every child there had their own bcba... Soo... Yeah. It sucks. I'm sorry, I know a parent who got a summer camp shut down over this issue, but the summer camp was advertised as accommodating special needs so I don’t know if that was the fundamental reason her complaint was taken seriously. She told the camp director she was going to report them to Disability Rights, the camp instead of fighting it simply shut down. The sad part is that they rather kill the fun for everyone else and close the camp that accommodating her autistic twins, For now and for the future, make sure you check out all the protections your son is entitled to thanks to the ADA. The link below is for child care centers, which many summer caps qualify us. https://www.ada.gov/resources/child-care-centers/ (see for example here for a discussion as to how camps are covered under ADA https://www.acacamps.org/article/campline/camps-title-iii-americans-disabilities-act). In the first link there's a question about your specific case Q16. We do not normally diaper children of any age who are not toilet trained. Do we still have to help older children who need diapering or toileting assistance due to a disability? A: It depends. To determine when it is a reasonable modification to provide diapering for an older child who needs diapering because of a disability and a center does not normally provide diapering, the center should consider factors including, but not limited to, (1) whether other non-disabled children are young enough to need intermittent toileting assistance when, for instance, they have accidents; (2) whether providing toileting assistance or diapering on a regular basis would require a child care provider to leave other children unattended; and (3) whether the center would have to purchase diapering tables or other equipment. If the program never provides toileting assistance to any child, however, then such a personal service would not be required for a child with a disability. Please keep in mind that even in these circumstances, the child could not be excluded from the program because he or she was not toilet trained if the center can make other arrangements, such as having a parent or personal assistant come and do the diapering. I have a child with autism myself and I'm getting tired of people thinking that we are entitled for wanting them to do what every other child can, so I hope this helps, I was afraid I would get this answer because we hoped for a fun summer Camp experience for him compared to an expensive nanny at home where he may get bored. Thank you!, I thought i might get this answer, but better to ask this community and know in advance. Thank you!, The same is also true of public schooling in many states., That’s not the question I asked and your implication is ridiculous, I did not consider that possibility, but the main issue we face with our kiddo is that he is great potty training when naked and not great with undies and shorts. So trying to schedule something like that doesn’t seem feasible. Great suggestion though. This is the first time we have even considered a “legal” question like this but wanted to check with the community brain trust, It's not disingenuous at all. There is no conflict between being as inclusive as they can reasonably be, but also knowing the limits of what level of care they can provide., No, we wouldn’t want to strong arm anyone. But I have had many experiences when you get an employee on the phone and they either misstate company policy or they are having a bad day and being lazy. This was to double check if their policy was legal before doing another follow up., It could be that they have various types of camps and not all are equipped to have diaper changing. There are a lot of legalities regarding toileting that must be followed and specific licenses., That statement is extremely misleading. At the very least it should say something along the lines of “please call us to discuss specific accommodations.”, I think they’re saying they want to be as inclusive as possible, but they aren’t licensed to change diapers and realistically don’t have the staff to safely care for a child who needs more support than the 15:1 camper counselor ratio or whatever their ratio is., How close is he? If he is mostly potty trained and having an accident is not super likely, you can send him but know that if he has an accident they will call you to pick him up and take him home. All little kids have accidents sometimes. Our pre-k required potty training but had all kids sent with an extra set of clothes in case of craft and pee accidents. Poop accidents were a phone call., The person responding to you was harsh especially at the end but you should try to take from it their general point, which is true and why they are getting upvotes on their comment and you are getting downvoted on your reply. The question you asked WAS whether you could force this organization to take your son against their will AND despite the fact that they had straight up told you they could not do it. The commenter is trying to say (and they are right!) that if a Private organization or individual tells you they cannot accommodate your child you should believe them and be grateful they helped you avoid a bad and potentially unsafe situation for your child, not jump to defending your legal rights even if they existed here which they do not. I do think legal rights are important and have a place but that place is making sure your child isn't excluded from opportunities that are open to all children and later all citizens, and that they do get reasonable accommodations at those things-- public school, jobs, being able to shop in all stores. Not a privilege like paid summer camp., That was harsh, "long-standing commitment to providing programs and services to all youth and families" "we welcome, affirm, and support young people and adults of all abilities and disabilities ... " I personally would never even consider sending mine to an overnight camp as she historically has gotten kicked out of every single thing ever so I don't put us through that anymore by even attempting, so I have no dog in this fight if you will, but if they had used the same wording you did - "we strive to be as inclusive as we reasonably can be" rather than saying "we welcome *all*" or just not have any kind of back-patting statement on their website it would have better optics than their statement saying *all* and then them having to tell parents, "well actually..." I'm totally fine personally with places requiring potty trained kids after a certain age, daycares and schools do it all the time. But a short "to comply with state licensing requirements and the health and safety of our staff and attendees, attendees above the age of x must be potty trained" would have prevented the whole mess.

Can’t cope

My daughter is 3 and her tantrums/meltdowns are getting worse every day. Her sleep schedule is all messed up. She screams nonstop for hours. It triggers me very badly especially when I’m sleep deprived because of her sleep patterns. Nothing absolutely nothing calms her down. I don’t know how much more I can handle. I have help but my god the screaming. All she wants to do is be outside all day but we don’t have a fence. I have other small ones. We can’t be out alllllll day. Help

I am so sorry. I can't help, but I see you don't have any replies yet and I feel for you. I just want you to know that I can imagine how hard it is, and I think you are doing amazingly. Even if you want to give up, you haven't yet and you're trying to figure out how to do better, and that makes you incredible in my mind. I hope someone finds your post can give you actual advice – I just wanted to let you know people are here and on your side ❤️, Long response, lots of rambling, it’s been one hell of a week bare with me lol. I only go into detail because I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wished someone would tell me on such a level that they understand. I see you and everything you are doing, and I know just how hard that is. Even reading your other comments I have to say I am absolutely floored at the similarities in our situation and emotions. We feel like giving up, but you are here asking for help and still putting in so much effort even if it’s hard to notice when there’s no visible “reward”. Don’t have any behavioral advice, but I’m right there with you. 3f, verbal level2. It’s 2:45am here and I JUST got her to sleep, it’ll be atleast another 45 minutes before I’m able to fall asleep since I only got 4 hours last night and now am so over-tired I’m restless. Always wake up at 8:30. We still nurse to sleep too, it’s the only thing that works once she’s ready and weaning is a whole other fight that we don’t have it in us to fight right now. We’ve tried different beds, red light, one of those rocking hammock things, having a strict routine, having a lax routine (mostly due to parental burnout, that was a bad time), trying different transitions, sleepy music, silence, compression sheets, weighted blankets, you name it we’ve tried it. Even her therapist is at a loss on how to work on this with her at this point in time until we hit other milestones that could make the transition easier. Currently have her in a single bed with compression sheets and plenty of stuffies with a wooden “house frame” that’s sheeted to cause a closed in feeling, with small amber dimmable lights. (Inspiration taken from the Cubby bed, but DIY because insurance doesn’t cover) It’s getting easier as the days go by but not proven to work yet. Having an hour of heavy sensory input then an hour of sensory deprivation before bed has also helped a little, but sometimes backfires since she can’t tell us if that’s not what she needs. We finally got her a play set in the yard (parks are a no-go for us since there’s no fenced parks nearby) where she sometimes naps on the saucer swing and burns off energy on it otherwise, but my house is a wreck since I can’t leave her by herself obviously to go in and clean. She doesn’t want me to play with her, just wants me near her at all times. Her therapist is now recommending respite care to assist so I can get a break from literally being with her and on alert all but the 5 hours of interrupted sleep I get. It does seem to be worth pursuing in situations like ours where there’s other duties that need to be attended to, especially in your situation of having other littles. Maybe look into that aswell to see if one of their options are the right option for your family. My advice personally is to be patient with yourself, reach out for help if you can, utilize any connection you can make with someone who is willing to listen and provide YOU with the emotional space that you need, and solid noise canceling headphones while she’s in a safe environment. I’ve also noticed even though my girl has a heavy attachment to me, sometimes we get burnt out from eachother and space is necessary to “reset”. As exhausting as it is trying to anticipate and fix everything, it’s just as exhausting having someone there trying to anticipate what you need all the time., You might consider loops. Even if you only keep one ear in just to dampen the sounds, and take the edge off. Does she have any sensory type things inside? Swing, trampoline, play doh, kinetic sand, pikler triangle or gym?, I feel you here. My son is 2 (almost 2 1/2) He had a tantrum today that lasted an hour. It's the hardest thing and time goes by so much slower in those moments. He's delayed in speech so it makes it even harder., I’ve found that my son does this more when he is sick, gets too much screen time, or his schedule is off. Are you in aba or preschool? My son loves school and it helps him regulate. We also try to go swimming a lot, being in the water helps him regulate as well. Two weeks ago I was crying myself to sleep because my son would not stop screaming about everything. But we had all been sick and he missed a bunch of school. Does she use an AAC? For my son when he can’t communicate that can increase his tantrums., Talk to her doctor about a sleep aid. Till you both get regular sleep you're not being your authentic selves. Sleep deprivation makes us loco.  Id get her into an  ABA program after medically/sensory ruling out the tantrums.  Been where you are. It's such a dark lonely place. Id hug you RN if I could.  My kid is 13, now. I look back and remember his Hulk baby years and am so proud of him now.  It was so bad; I thought in the future I'd have to find a group home for him if he kept on as he was. I cried every night silently.  For him, it was ABA, ST, OT, supplements for nutrition. Worked for a little while. But progress was slow, he wasn't participating in school. Doc ended wanting to putting him on meds. I fought it for a few years . He started regressing again. He ended up on meds for his ADHD, by 6. Boy, he took off. I regret waiting. So don't shut doc down too soon like I did. It just impeded his progress, just for my peace of mind of not "drugging" up my kid.  You're in the worse years rn probably. She's going to get easier to be around as she matures and goes through therapies maybe meds. She's going to learn so much from her siblings.  It's not going to stay like this. You're doing an amazing job just by reaching out. My son is lvl 3 AUDHD nonverbal for reference.  At that age, visual timers, daily schedules, positive reinforcements and sensory diet helped a little. But he didn't get better till he went through ABA and meds. , Have you considered working with a sleep consultant?, I didn’t see this til now but absolutely thank you 🥹 some days are so so hard my mom always said I’d have a “daughter like me” and sometimes it feels defeating when I start to lose my patience like she’s being proved right. Thank you so much honestly 😭 this moved me so much more than you can imagine !, This made me feel so scene but also sorry you have to go through that too. It’s so hard especially when people don’t understand how deep it is. I’ve tried so many different ways to get her to sleep better nothing has worked. Thank you for telling my to be patient with myself 😭 it’s refreshing to hear. Especially ona day like today. I’ll look like respite care like you mentioned I think we can all benefit she is supposed to start preschool early but she stayed up all night the night before I was supposed to have a meeting with the school board and missed the meeting in the morning Thank you for all your kind words, Second Loops! I have two sets- one that I can still have conversations while wearing and one that blocks a lot more noise., I am so sorry. I can't help, but I see you don't have any replies yet and I feel for you. I just want you to know that I can imagine how hard it is, and I think you are doing amazingly. Even if you want to give up, you haven't yet and you're trying to figure out how to do better, and that makes you incredible in my mind. I hope someone finds your post can give you actual advice – I just wanted to let you know people are here and on your side ❤️, Long response, lots of rambling, it’s been one hell of a week bare with me lol. I only go into detail because I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wished someone would tell me on such a level that they understand. I see you and everything you are doing, and I know just how hard that is. Even reading your other comments I have to say I am absolutely floored at the similarities in our situation and emotions. We feel like giving up, but you are here asking for help and still putting in so much effort even if it’s hard to notice when there’s no visible “reward”. Don’t have any behavioral advice, but I’m right there with you. 3f, verbal level2. It’s 2:45am here and I JUST got her to sleep, it’ll be atleast another 45 minutes before I’m able to fall asleep since I only got 4 hours last night and now am so over-tired I’m restless. Always wake up at 8:30. We still nurse to sleep too, it’s the only thing that works once she’s ready and weaning is a whole other fight that we don’t have it in us to fight right now. We’ve tried different beds, red light, one of those rocking hammock things, having a strict routine, having a lax routine (mostly due to parental burnout, that was a bad time), trying different transitions, sleepy music, silence, compression sheets, weighted blankets, you name it we’ve tried it. Even her therapist is at a loss on how to work on this with her at this point in time until we hit other milestones that could make the transition easier. Currently have her in a single bed with compression sheets and plenty of stuffies with a wooden “house frame” that’s sheeted to cause a closed in feeling, with small amber dimmable lights. (Inspiration taken from the Cubby bed, but DIY because insurance doesn’t cover) It’s getting easier as the days go by but not proven to work yet. Having an hour of heavy sensory input then an hour of sensory deprivation before bed has also helped a little, but sometimes backfires since she can’t tell us if that’s not what she needs. We finally got her a play set in the yard (parks are a no-go for us since there’s no fenced parks nearby) where she sometimes naps on the saucer swing and burns off energy on it otherwise, but my house is a wreck since I can’t leave her by herself obviously to go in and clean. She doesn’t want me to play with her, just wants me near her at all times. Her therapist is now recommending respite care to assist so I can get a break from literally being with her and on alert all but the 5 hours of interrupted sleep I get. It does seem to be worth pursuing in situations like ours where there’s other duties that need to be attended to, especially in your situation of having other littles. Maybe look into that aswell to see if one of their options are the right option for your family. My advice personally is to be patient with yourself, reach out for help if you can, utilize any connection you can make with someone who is willing to listen and provide YOU with the emotional space that you need, and solid noise canceling headphones while she’s in a safe environment. I’ve also noticed even though my girl has a heavy attachment to me, sometimes we get burnt out from eachother and space is necessary to “reset”. As exhausting as it is trying to anticipate and fix everything, it’s just as exhausting having someone there trying to anticipate what you need all the time., You might consider loops. Even if you only keep one ear in just to dampen the sounds, and take the edge off. Does she have any sensory type things inside? Swing, trampoline, play doh, kinetic sand, pikler triangle or gym?, I feel you here. My son is 2 (almost 2 1/2) He had a tantrum today that lasted an hour. It's the hardest thing and time goes by so much slower in those moments. He's delayed in speech so it makes it even harder., I’ve found that my son does this more when he is sick, gets too much screen time, or his schedule is off. Are you in aba or preschool? My son loves school and it helps him regulate. We also try to go swimming a lot, being in the water helps him regulate as well. Two weeks ago I was crying myself to sleep because my son would not stop screaming about everything. But we had all been sick and he missed a bunch of school. Does she use an AAC? For my son when he can’t communicate that can increase his tantrums., Talk to her doctor about a sleep aid. Till you both get regular sleep you're not being your authentic selves. Sleep deprivation makes us loco.  Id get her into an  ABA program after medically/sensory ruling out the tantrums.  Been where you are. It's such a dark lonely place. Id hug you RN if I could.  My kid is 13, now. I look back and remember his Hulk baby years and am so proud of him now.  It was so bad; I thought in the future I'd have to find a group home for him if he kept on as he was. I cried every night silently.  For him, it was ABA, ST, OT, supplements for nutrition. Worked for a little while. But progress was slow, he wasn't participating in school. Doc ended wanting to putting him on meds. I fought it for a few years . He started regressing again. He ended up on meds for his ADHD, by 6. Boy, he took off. I regret waiting. So don't shut doc down too soon like I did. It just impeded his progress, just for my peace of mind of not "drugging" up my kid.  You're in the worse years rn probably. She's going to get easier to be around as she matures and goes through therapies maybe meds. She's going to learn so much from her siblings.  It's not going to stay like this. You're doing an amazing job just by reaching out. My son is lvl 3 AUDHD nonverbal for reference.  At that age, visual timers, daily schedules, positive reinforcements and sensory diet helped a little. But he didn't get better till he went through ABA and meds. , Have you considered working with a sleep consultant?, I didn’t see this til now but absolutely thank you 🥹 some days are so so hard my mom always said I’d have a “daughter like me” and sometimes it feels defeating when I start to lose my patience like she’s being proved right. Thank you so much honestly 😭 this moved me so much more than you can imagine !, This made me feel so scene but also sorry you have to go through that too. It’s so hard especially when people don’t understand how deep it is. I’ve tried so many different ways to get her to sleep better nothing has worked. Thank you for telling my to be patient with myself 😭 it’s refreshing to hear. Especially ona day like today. I’ll look like respite care like you mentioned I think we can all benefit she is supposed to start preschool early but she stayed up all night the night before I was supposed to have a meeting with the school board and missed the meeting in the morning Thank you for all your kind words, Second Loops! I have two sets- one that I can still have conversations while wearing and one that blocks a lot more noise., I am so sorry. I can't help, but I see you don't have any replies yet and I feel for you. I just want you to know that I can imagine how hard it is, and I think you are doing amazingly. Even if you want to give up, you haven't yet and you're trying to figure out how to do better, and that makes you incredible in my mind. I hope someone finds your post can give you actual advice – I just wanted to let you know people are here and on your side ❤️, Long response, lots of rambling, it’s been one hell of a week bare with me lol. I only go into detail because I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wished someone would tell me on such a level that they understand. I see you and everything you are doing, and I know just how hard that is. Even reading your other comments I have to say I am absolutely floored at the similarities in our situation and emotions. We feel like giving up, but you are here asking for help and still putting in so much effort even if it’s hard to notice when there’s no visible “reward”. Don’t have any behavioral advice, but I’m right there with you. 3f, verbal level2. It’s 2:45am here and I JUST got her to sleep, it’ll be atleast another 45 minutes before I’m able to fall asleep since I only got 4 hours last night and now am so over-tired I’m restless. Always wake up at 8:30. We still nurse to sleep too, it’s the only thing that works once she’s ready and weaning is a whole other fight that we don’t have it in us to fight right now. We’ve tried different beds, red light, one of those rocking hammock things, having a strict routine, having a lax routine (mostly due to parental burnout, that was a bad time), trying different transitions, sleepy music, silence, compression sheets, weighted blankets, you name it we’ve tried it. Even her therapist is at a loss on how to work on this with her at this point in time until we hit other milestones that could make the transition easier. Currently have her in a single bed with compression sheets and plenty of stuffies with a wooden “house frame” that’s sheeted to cause a closed in feeling, with small amber dimmable lights. (Inspiration taken from the Cubby bed, but DIY because insurance doesn’t cover) It’s getting easier as the days go by but not proven to work yet. Having an hour of heavy sensory input then an hour of sensory deprivation before bed has also helped a little, but sometimes backfires since she can’t tell us if that’s not what she needs. We finally got her a play set in the yard (parks are a no-go for us since there’s no fenced parks nearby) where she sometimes naps on the saucer swing and burns off energy on it otherwise, but my house is a wreck since I can’t leave her by herself obviously to go in and clean. She doesn’t want me to play with her, just wants me near her at all times. Her therapist is now recommending respite care to assist so I can get a break from literally being with her and on alert all but the 5 hours of interrupted sleep I get. It does seem to be worth pursuing in situations like ours where there’s other duties that need to be attended to, especially in your situation of having other littles. Maybe look into that aswell to see if one of their options are the right option for your family. My advice personally is to be patient with yourself, reach out for help if you can, utilize any connection you can make with someone who is willing to listen and provide YOU with the emotional space that you need, and solid noise canceling headphones while she’s in a safe environment. I’ve also noticed even though my girl has a heavy attachment to me, sometimes we get burnt out from eachother and space is necessary to “reset”. As exhausting as it is trying to anticipate and fix everything, it’s just as exhausting having someone there trying to anticipate what you need all the time., You might consider loops. Even if you only keep one ear in just to dampen the sounds, and take the edge off. Does she have any sensory type things inside? Swing, trampoline, play doh, kinetic sand, pikler triangle or gym?, I feel you here. My son is 2 (almost 2 1/2) He had a tantrum today that lasted an hour. It's the hardest thing and time goes by so much slower in those moments. He's delayed in speech so it makes it even harder., I’ve found that my son does this more when he is sick, gets too much screen time, or his schedule is off. Are you in aba or preschool? My son loves school and it helps him regulate. We also try to go swimming a lot, being in the water helps him regulate as well. Two weeks ago I was crying myself to sleep because my son would not stop screaming about everything. But we had all been sick and he missed a bunch of school. Does she use an AAC? For my son when he can’t communicate that can increase his tantrums., Talk to her doctor about a sleep aid. Till you both get regular sleep you're not being your authentic selves. Sleep deprivation makes us loco.  Id get her into an  ABA program after medically/sensory ruling out the tantrums.  Been where you are. It's such a dark lonely place. Id hug you RN if I could.  My kid is 13, now. I look back and remember his Hulk baby years and am so proud of him now.  It was so bad; I thought in the future I'd have to find a group home for him if he kept on as he was. I cried every night silently.  For him, it was ABA, ST, OT, supplements for nutrition. Worked for a little while. But progress was slow, he wasn't participating in school. Doc ended wanting to putting him on meds. I fought it for a few years . He started regressing again. He ended up on meds for his ADHD, by 6. Boy, he took off. I regret waiting. So don't shut doc down too soon like I did. It just impeded his progress, just for my peace of mind of not "drugging" up my kid.  You're in the worse years rn probably. She's going to get easier to be around as she matures and goes through therapies maybe meds. She's going to learn so much from her siblings.  It's not going to stay like this. You're doing an amazing job just by reaching out. My son is lvl 3 AUDHD nonverbal for reference.  At that age, visual timers, daily schedules, positive reinforcements and sensory diet helped a little. But he didn't get better till he went through ABA and meds. , Have you considered working with a sleep consultant?, I didn’t see this til now but absolutely thank you 🥹 some days are so so hard my mom always said I’d have a “daughter like me” and sometimes it feels defeating when I start to lose my patience like she’s being proved right. Thank you so much honestly 😭 this moved me so much more than you can imagine !, This made me feel so scene but also sorry you have to go through that too. It’s so hard especially when people don’t understand how deep it is. I’ve tried so many different ways to get her to sleep better nothing has worked. Thank you for telling my to be patient with myself 😭 it’s refreshing to hear. Especially ona day like today. I’ll look like respite care like you mentioned I think we can all benefit she is supposed to start preschool early but she stayed up all night the night before I was supposed to have a meeting with the school board and missed the meeting in the morning Thank you for all your kind words, Second Loops! I have two sets- one that I can still have conversations while wearing and one that blocks a lot more noise., I am so sorry. I can't help, but I see you don't have any replies yet and I feel for you. I just want you to know that I can imagine how hard it is, and I think you are doing amazingly. Even if you want to give up, you haven't yet and you're trying to figure out how to do better, and that makes you incredible in my mind. I hope someone finds your post can give you actual advice – I just wanted to let you know people are here and on your side ❤️, Long response, lots of rambling, it’s been one hell of a week bare with me lol. I only go into detail because I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wished someone would tell me on such a level that they understand. I see you and everything you are doing, and I know just how hard that is. Even reading your other comments I have to say I am absolutely floored at the similarities in our situation and emotions. We feel like giving up, but you are here asking for help and still putting in so much effort even if it’s hard to notice when there’s no visible “reward”. Don’t have any behavioral advice, but I’m right there with you. 3f, verbal level2. It’s 2:45am here and I JUST got her to sleep, it’ll be atleast another 45 minutes before I’m able to fall asleep since I only got 4 hours last night and now am so over-tired I’m restless. Always wake up at 8:30. We still nurse to sleep too, it’s the only thing that works once she’s ready and weaning is a whole other fight that we don’t have it in us to fight right now. We’ve tried different beds, red light, one of those rocking hammock things, having a strict routine, having a lax routine (mostly due to parental burnout, that was a bad time), trying different transitions, sleepy music, silence, compression sheets, weighted blankets, you name it we’ve tried it. Even her therapist is at a loss on how to work on this with her at this point in time until we hit other milestones that could make the transition easier. Currently have her in a single bed with compression sheets and plenty of stuffies with a wooden “house frame” that’s sheeted to cause a closed in feeling, with small amber dimmable lights. (Inspiration taken from the Cubby bed, but DIY because insurance doesn’t cover) It’s getting easier as the days go by but not proven to work yet. Having an hour of heavy sensory input then an hour of sensory deprivation before bed has also helped a little, but sometimes backfires since she can’t tell us if that’s not what she needs. We finally got her a play set in the yard (parks are a no-go for us since there’s no fenced parks nearby) where she sometimes naps on the saucer swing and burns off energy on it otherwise, but my house is a wreck since I can’t leave her by herself obviously to go in and clean. She doesn’t want me to play with her, just wants me near her at all times. Her therapist is now recommending respite care to assist so I can get a break from literally being with her and on alert all but the 5 hours of interrupted sleep I get. It does seem to be worth pursuing in situations like ours where there’s other duties that need to be attended to, especially in your situation of having other littles. Maybe look into that aswell to see if one of their options are the right option for your family. My advice personally is to be patient with yourself, reach out for help if you can, utilize any connection you can make with someone who is willing to listen and provide YOU with the emotional space that you need, and solid noise canceling headphones while she’s in a safe environment. I’ve also noticed even though my girl has a heavy attachment to me, sometimes we get burnt out from eachother and space is necessary to “reset”. As exhausting as it is trying to anticipate and fix everything, it’s just as exhausting having someone there trying to anticipate what you need all the time., You might consider loops. Even if you only keep one ear in just to dampen the sounds, and take the edge off. Does she have any sensory type things inside? Swing, trampoline, play doh, kinetic sand, pikler triangle or gym?, I feel you here. My son is 2 (almost 2 1/2) He had a tantrum today that lasted an hour. It's the hardest thing and time goes by so much slower in those moments. He's delayed in speech so it makes it even harder., I’ve found that my son does this more when he is sick, gets too much screen time, or his schedule is off. Are you in aba or preschool? My son loves school and it helps him regulate. We also try to go swimming a lot, being in the water helps him regulate as well. Two weeks ago I was crying myself to sleep because my son would not stop screaming about everything. But we had all been sick and he missed a bunch of school. Does she use an AAC? For my son when he can’t communicate that can increase his tantrums., Talk to her doctor about a sleep aid. Till you both get regular sleep you're not being your authentic selves. Sleep deprivation makes us loco.  Id get her into an  ABA program after medically/sensory ruling out the tantrums.  Been where you are. It's such a dark lonely place. Id hug you RN if I could.  My kid is 13, now. I look back and remember his Hulk baby years and am so proud of him now.  It was so bad; I thought in the future I'd have to find a group home for him if he kept on as he was. I cried every night silently.  For him, it was ABA, ST, OT, supplements for nutrition. Worked for a little while. But progress was slow, he wasn't participating in school. Doc ended wanting to putting him on meds. I fought it for a few years . He started regressing again. He ended up on meds for his ADHD, by 6. Boy, he took off. I regret waiting. So don't shut doc down too soon like I did. It just impeded his progress, just for my peace of mind of not "drugging" up my kid.  You're in the worse years rn probably. She's going to get easier to be around as she matures and goes through therapies maybe meds. She's going to learn so much from her siblings.  It's not going to stay like this. You're doing an amazing job just by reaching out. My son is lvl 3 AUDHD nonverbal for reference.  At that age, visual timers, daily schedules, positive reinforcements and sensory diet helped a little. But he didn't get better till he went through ABA and meds. , Have you considered working with a sleep consultant?, I didn’t see this til now but absolutely thank you 🥹 some days are so so hard my mom always said I’d have a “daughter like me” and sometimes it feels defeating when I start to lose my patience like she’s being proved right. Thank you so much honestly 😭 this moved me so much more than you can imagine !, This made me feel so scene but also sorry you have to go through that too. It’s so hard especially when people don’t understand how deep it is. I’ve tried so many different ways to get her to sleep better nothing has worked. Thank you for telling my to be patient with myself 😭 it’s refreshing to hear. Especially ona day like today. I’ll look like respite care like you mentioned I think we can all benefit she is supposed to start preschool early but she stayed up all night the night before I was supposed to have a meeting with the school board and missed the meeting in the morning Thank you for all your kind words, Second Loops! I have two sets- one that I can still have conversations while wearing and one that blocks a lot more noise.

Can’t help but want to self diagnose family members with autism

My 2.5 yo son has been diagnosed with autism. His evaluation was yesterday. Now, I can’t help but see autism in my husband. He has several quirks and traits, that now with my son’s diagnosis kind of make sense with my husband as well. My husband has a tendency to do a funny little hop/run in a jerky motion out of no where. I’ve never known what to make of it. Is this stimming? He doesn’t have a sense of smell, and he’s known for being a bit aloof. His parents said he had a hearing test at a young age because he wouldn’t always respond to his name. (His hearing is fine) He’s also aware that he’s wired differently. I’ve gotten upset in the past over him not being romantic, or doing things like planning trips/parties, or remember anniversaries. He says he gets really overwhelmed when it comes to planning and having too many choices shuts him down. All this to say, he functions really well in the world. Is it worth bringing up with him at this point in his life? (He’s 40)

Bring it up once in a "you do x, y and z, which is consistent with autism", then listen to what he says and be ready to drop it. Autism runs in families. Whether or not families admit this is another question. Historically, it would not have been something you admitted, in most cultures., It is like you can't un-see it. After all the evaluations and paperwork, I saw so much of it in my family. I haven't gotten myself evaluated, although I think I should., It’s like I wrote this about my own husband. He hasn’t been diagnosed but I do believe he’s on the spectrum, probably mild/high functioning like our son was just diagnosed. His brother was diagnosed with “Aspergers” back in the late 90s, and I can see some traits in his family. I don’t say that lightly and it’s just from my observations and now with my son being diagnosed it resonates way more., EVERYONE in my family is autistic. I can’t unsee it now. My daughter’s diagnosis helped me see it in myself too.  How do you think your husband would receive it? I’ll admit I was resistant at first. My partner told me that if he was autistic (we suspect he is too), then so was I. I took the RAADS-R to prove him wrong, and ended up scoring higher than he did 😂. Things definitely started to click after that. , Now that I know what to look for I think the majority of my son’s relatives on BOTH SIDES are on the spectrum, myself included. I wouldn’t bring it up unless you know he won’t react in a negative way. It’s still something a lot of people are defensive about., I'd find (and did find) it offensive to be honest. No need to hand psychiatric diagnosises if not neccessary. You can have wierd stuff and still be NT. Or you can just have something different bc all these brain function altering diseases share some of their genetic background. Or we're back to the everyone 's on the spectrum a little bit. Autism is not about some subtile behaviors. , I noticed that my son’s father is most likely autistic — lack of eye contact (which I attributed to shyness), sensory differences with clothes, special interest in sharks and military, need for a consistent routine, etc. If he is autistic and knows, he never mentioned it. His half brother is also autistic. Both are what you might deem as level 1. From social media I’ve discovered other relatives who are also autistic. I don’t know of any family members on my side who are but who knows maybe I had distant relatives who are and they’ve either passed away or they’re way too distant for me to even know about!, My son is obviously autistic and in my research I have realised that both my girls are high masking, as am I. My father, FIL and MIL all exhibit autistic symptoms to some degree. My mum could be the poster girl for ADHD - but was always considered to just be ditzy. I have also had conversations about it with my friends, most of them have at least one ND kid and have noticed similar behaviours either in themselves, or their partners. We ND peeps seem to be able to sniff eachother out., It's a highly genetic disorder, it would be kinda unusual if no one in the family was autistic tho, No, it's not how genetics work. You can also be carrier of the genes but not be affected by them. Or they result in a different psychiatric disease like ocd. One of my relatives for example has many rituals and rigid behaviors which could be easily write off as autistic behavior but he has ocd.  I have another relative (also husband's side) with diagnosed aspergers and he didn't reveal his diagnosis before my kids' but i'd been already sure before that he might had something "off" because it was crystal clear he acted different so you didn't have to second guess if this or that quirk might point to something bigger, because the whole picture was telling. It's called a pervasive disorder for a reason., You also have to take into consideration that a lot of autistic people are misdiagnosed, especially women, with bipolar, ocd and a range of other conditions because they have (sometimes subconscious) systems in place to deal with all the things that bother them, so don't bother to bring them up., Or maybe these are getting misdiagnosed as autism. By elaborating one diagnosis to cover almost everything only makes autism nonsense and less serious wich is already happening but I refuse to support it as a parent who wants resources. That's another reason why this topic triggers me.

Chances a non verbal 2 year old will eventually talk?

Just wondering how many of you had a child who was totally non verbal (lots of babbling though) who went on to talk? Trying to stay optimistic but also not get my hopes and wondering how common this is. Thanks! ETA: she knows a couple signs and uses them to communicate what she wants. For example she signs "more" and then leads us to what she wants and she knows how to sign "more, please." She has always had good eye contact and is fairly social. And she has been saying "Hi!" For months.

Two is still really young. A recent study found that of autistic kids who had profound language impairment at age 4, [70% used some language at age 8, and about half were fluent speakers](https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/good-news-for-late-talkers-more-children-with-autism-learn-to-speak-than-previously-believed-2/), My now 6 year old had zero words at age 5. Not one word, animal sound or approximation. Now she has hundreds of words, is saying short sentences and identifying objects. She sings. Having said that, shes not perfect at talking. Some letters are harder (k) and we still have a long road of speech therapy but I am beyond thrilled with her progress. If you asked me when she was 2 if I thought she would ever talk...I'd probably would have said no. Don't give up, keep trying., My husband’s cousin didn’t speak until 8. He’s 40 and just graduated from law school. He had to kind of take the long way around, and he still lives with his parents, but he has a very good job and is close with his family at least., 2 is way too young to assume they will remain non verbal. Most autistic kids eventually speak as mentioned in the study above Positive signs- babbling, joint attention, imitation skills, pointing, receptive language, Sadly my 10 yo has never developed language., I was non verbal at 2 but now talk, [deleted], I have a four-year-old who still doesn’t talk, it’s hard, especially because when he was younger, people would say “Oh don’t worry, he’ll speak when he’s 18 months, 2 years, 3, 4…” Still just stimming noises. 😞, We do! Our level 3 needs autistic/ADHD gal was largely nonverbal by 2, but was always super vocal. There were lots of tears and yelling out of frustration for her for awhile there due to her wanting to communicate, but having the inability, which obviously broke our hearts. She started a preschool program geared towards ND kids, in classes with other children with varying verbal abilities, along with wonderful and skilled teachers, and over the past year (she turns 5 tomorrow), her word skills have absolutely exploded! She can tell us “owie” when she’s hurt, “mom/dad/sissy”, “water/hungry/snack”, “night night”, “hello”, “please” and “thank you”, several shapes and colors, and can count to about 30 on her own. She can repeat some words (but usually won’t say them again on her own), and she sings often which is my most favorite thing, she does blur a lot of the words together still but tries to match tone, etc. We were so surprised when they all just started pouring out of her out of nowhere. Every persons story is different of course and I really want to stress that. But their abilities can change so quickly, we’ve tried to juggle making peace with how things are and helping her be comfortable, while being pleasantly surprised when she does new things out of nowhere. :), My son didn’t start talking until he was almost 5. We had him in speech for years before that and one day he just said dada and then from there it all started rolling out. Within the year he was caught up on speech. BUT there is also AAC devices you can use or sign language! My 14 year old (different kid) has selective mutism and uses an AAC. We used sign langauge with her when she was younger., At 2 my son didn’t babble and he couldn’t use or follow gestures such as nodding for yes and shaking for no. He started to use nod/shake for yes/no at around 3.5 although he very rarely understood that questions were questions and couldn’t follow instructions. At 4 he was still reversing first and second pronouns in speech and did not know what “you” or “me” meant and couldn’t use or understand them correctly. He began to understand that questions are questions and that instructions are instructions. Before that he only understood commentary on what was happening in the here and now. At 5 he began to be able to talk and understand about things that happened in the past, and things that will happen in the future. At 6 he started to have conversational speech. At 7 he speaks fluently., My son didn't speak till he was 4, and only then because we sent him for speech therapy. By 7 he was bilingual with a vocabulary far ahead of his age. Two is still young but if your gut instinct as a parent is that something isn't right, get an assessment and get speech therapy if you can afford it. We wasted time under the influence of reassurances from friends. I recommend paying attention to professional opinions!, My son was non verbal and at 3.5 he only had maybe 3-4 words he used. The rest was babble. He started speech therapy. He continued speech therapy until maybe 4-5th grade. I noticed an explosion in his speech between the ages of 4-5. He is 17 now. He can have conversations just find. Although he typically answers questions with simple sentences. He was diagnosed with a language disorder. The psychologist said it was due to the difficult he has expressing himself with words both verbally and in writing., This definitely sounds cheesy, but Einstein didn’t talk until he was 4. My daughter was very similar to your son at 2. She is almost 5 now and still isn’t what most people would call verbal. (Can’t answer yes or no questions with certainty). She’s loud and never hardly stops “talking.” A ton of her vocabulary has come from echolalia. She still can’t tell me where it hurts, or what’s bothering her, or what she needs (like a change, a drink or just something to do). It’s more like talking to an infant, but I see progress. It is slow, but we’re getting there. I remember crying and crying because I was afraid that I’d never hear her say, “Mama.” But she has said it, and it is different from NT children, but she’s said it. Just hang on and give your baby time. I know it’s so hard. Sending you virtual hugs., My daughter was definitely non verbal at 2. I think she was non verbal until 3 years. Basically I didn’t work on her language until nursery brought up their concerns, which was after 3. I thought she was a late talker not autistic as she didn’t display obvious signs at that age. Anyways she is 5 now and is verbal and has functional language. She can tell me what she wants and can use her scripts functionally. She can make choices. She has echolalia and scripts a ton. But she is not able to tell me how her day was :( So…I don’t know how your daughter will turn out since 2 is very young but have hope and keep working on her language. The tip that helped me a ton was just repeating everything to her 3 times. So anything she wanted like apple I would say it 3 times before giving it to her, bringing the apple closer to her each time I said apple. If she repeated apple then I gave it to her right away. Repetition is key!, My 5 year old is still nonverbal. He’s been in therapies since he was 2 1/2 and we’re trying to bet him to use a AAC device. It’s all still so hard., I would take the babbling as a good sign. My son just had jargon and babbling at 2 and has made huge strides the last two years. He will be 6 in November and is somewhat conversational, My son didn’t speak until he was 4. He is now 13 and won’t shut up! Haha! In all seriousness, we now have great conversations and he could try to sell ice cubes to penguins. It took a lot of speech therapy. Don’t loose hope., Definitely! My dr wouldn’t even classify a 2 year old as non-verbal because it is way too young. My daughter speaks pretty well now (nearly age 6) and she wasn’t verbal until 3.5 years old., I would say a very high chance. A lot of two year olds don’t talk, boys especially, but it’s not uncommon for girls either., No one here can tell you with any degree of certainty, because autism is basically an umbrella term for a bunch of conditions with similar symptoms. For what it's worth, my kid was non verbal until 3 and talks fairly legibly at 6., My son started talking around 4...took time...first words, then sentences, then eventually full dialog. He talks endlessly now, at 14., I had two that didn’t talk until kindergarten. Now they both speak very well., My son is almost 8 and is still nonverbal. Doesnt use sign language, PECS or an AAC. Even if your little one stays non verbal, you will eventually learn how to communicate in your own way with them. Although I know we all long to heard their voice, My daughter didn't speak at all at age 2. Shortly after her second birthday we put her in speech therapy twice a week, and daycare full time. She was speaking quite a bit shortly after that., My son was in the same boat at 3. He's 6 now and while his speech is much improved, he still requires speech Therapy. For him the problem is that he has speech apraxia/dyspraxia. His speech therapist from the school recommended that we take him to a speech therapist who is "prompt" trained. In addition to the ADHD medicine he takes it has greatly improved his speech and clarity., Einstein was completely nonverbal until the age of four and didn't say a full sentence until the age of five., Mine went from nonverbal at 2-3 to now speaking in simple sentences at almost 7. She is not conversational but can say things to get her needs met., My three and a half year old daughter was completely non verbal at two! We got her in early intervention & speech therapy where they found she is a gestalt language processor and once she got into therapy specifically for her she BLOSSOMED. She started pre school w her classmates this year on an IEP but she is doing so amazing and has so many words now it’s unbelievable!!!!! I have made this same post before. I had to do a lot of work but the hard work pays off 💖, Babbling is a really, really good sign. My son was almost totally nonverbal until the age of 4. He is now talking but not conversationally at age 6. Hang in there. It is a long process, but I think the fact that he is babbling is very encouraging. My son barely even babbled., That was my 4yo! He was completely non verbal as of a year ago, he’s doing much much much better! Can complete communicate and ask for his needs. Hang in there!, I can’t help but wonder this myself! My little one is nonverbal and will be 3 soon. I (selfishly) hope she will say “mom” or “mama” one day! Most importantly, I’d love for her to be able to communicate her needs., My two year old was nonverbal. At 3, he barely spoke any words (but sang nursery rhymes to himself in his crib!) He did know a few signs, but I knew all his noises and his sister was more than happy to talk for him. But somewhere between 3 and 4, he started talking and then talking more, and now at 9 years old, he never stops! 😄 Honestly, I was reminding myself tonight at dinner to be grateful that he does speak, even though I would beg for a moment of quiet!, My comment will probably get buried, but my Son was the same at 2. He could not communicate just babble. We took him to get his nose checked and they said it would be a good idea to get ear tubes as the canals were swollen. We go in for adenoid surgery and ear tubes and even though we have been to tons of specialists including an audiologist, the surgeon came in afterwards and told us apparently his ears were just full of sludge. It had been as if he had been listening to us under water his whole life. We were shocked. After the ear tubes were in he basically had to re-learn how to speak because all the words he knew were jibberish because thats what it sounded like to him. He still babies but at 3/almost 4 we are in the parroting phase he never had when he was younger. Everyday I hear a new word or sentence and it's beautiful to hear. I hope you get to hear your baby talk one day too., My son was diagnosed at 2.5 years. He was completely non verbal. He had lots of babbling at that age but zero words. He's now 5 and started talking a year ago. I would say speech wise he's currently at about 2 years old. He gets better every day. When he was first diagnosed I really thought he would never speak, so he amazes me everyday., My non-verbal daughter is about to be 10 and has still never said a single word or used any form of picture exchange system. The closest we get to communication is her taking our hand and placing it on/pointing it at something she wants, or bringing us something she cant open., Ages 2-4 are the hardest because of speech delay… it’s so hard to watch them struggle and fall behind their peers. Now my 4 year old is speaking a lot! He’s not completely caught up but he can have little conversations, answers/asks questions, asks for what he wants, tells me little things he finds interesting, and most importantly when he hates something :S, At 2 my son was completely mute. No nothing. Right around his 4th birthday we noticed he was mimicking words and sounds. He will be 5 in December and he's talking in sentences. Funny story: I got a text from his summer school teacher back in June. She told me the kids were outside playing on bikes and scooters and when a child would get close my son would yell, "Let's Go, Asshole" It took me a while to realize he must have picked that up from me because I tend to say it while driving. Your child is listening to and absorbing everything they hear around them. There will come a day when everything "clicks" and they will start learning how to express themselves verbally. I wish you well on this journey., My dude, was like your 2yo, is 6 now, and can't shut up for his life when he's with us, or around people he's comfortable with. In other social situations he's way more defensive and shuts off, until he feels safe to talk. Especially about his special interests, which at the moment are mainly cars, until that gets replaced with something else (technology, street names, etc), My son is 3 and is also very delayed, cannot speak in sentences yet, and can ask very basic questions, but his vocabulary is massively advanced if I compare him to his 2-year-old self. At 2 he had maybe 5-10 words at the most. 1 year can make a massive difference. I think the fact that there is an intention of communication from your daughter is a great sign - communication is not the only language! Keep playing with her, and enjoy the time you have together. Sending hugs!, My son was 2 and had zero words. Now he is 5, can have some conversations and uses a lot of big words properly. Don’t get me wrong, he is still behind other children his age and has other issues. But when I think about him at 2, or even one year ago at 4, I am absolutely amazed at how far he has come! At 4, he was estimated to be intelligible 25% or less of the time (to unfamiliar people), now just one year later it is at 75% or more. Your little one might get there too!, i have a ND child that started speaking at 1. His cousin is NT and didnt speak until 3. Take that for what you will., Mine just recently started repeating words at 3.5yo, Hi, my son is 4 in a couple of weeks. He has regressive autism. He lost most skills, eye contact and any words at aged 15 months (hiya, dada, nan) and very very recently he has started to point again, and will vocalise word like sounds. It’s all in a VERY high operatic like sing song voice. He has a lot of stimming sounds like EEEEE and BUGEEEEE which he likes to repeat. But today he said Daddeeeeee and then what sounded like “get up-a” when his dad was in bed. It wasn’t an echo. So I’m praying that words are soon coming and conversation will after this. I’m trying to work on eye contact and attention, with just letting him be a kid too. He’s hyper and won’t sit still for more than 20 seconds so it’s hard going. My son I’d say right now is about 1-2 in terms of his understanding. His sister is 2 and is fully verbal., High, My son was non verbal at 2 and is just becoming verbal now at 4. He’s not conversational yet and usually communicates in single words with some two word phrases., My toddler is starting to say more words at age 3, My son was pretty much nonverbal till age 4. He couldn't say any vowels other than short a. We got him into speech therapy the year before his second year of preschool and it finally started clicking for him. He's now 13 and quite verbal though not normal in speech patterns. That said he's very interested in the Spanish class he is in. He spent time just looking up Spanish phrases and saying them. Considering his disability, his pronunciation is pretty good., My ASD son was non-verbal at 2. He is 8 now and has a lot of functional (albeit not super clear) language. I think his ID is holding him back more than anything regarding true conversational language. My non-ASD son was also pretty much non-verbal at 2, but he had an unrepaired cleft palate at that point and then had to transition to a new language, which probably further delayed development. His language is close to typical now at 11 yo., I didn't start talking until i was around 4, before that it was just babbling. Once i did though i was fully speaking pretty much age appropriately., I’ve heard 4 is the magic number! Hoping this is the case for us, my son will be 4 in two weeks. He has a few words and phrases but uses AAC for almost all communication and sign for “more” and “All done”, Mine did. Babbled here and there. Then at three decided he could talk just fine. Hasn’t stopped since 😂 I love hearing his vocabulary and confidence grow each day 💗As I have said in other posts here we call it “Jamie time”. He walked when he wanted to, crawled when he wanted to, and he was definitely delayed in each of these but once he decided to do the thing he just did it. He didn’t try to walk; he just did it. He didn’t try to crawl; he just did it., My NT daughter was speech delayed and didn't talk till she was well past 3, now we can't get her to stop talking. Our ASD son is speach delayed, but had a real boom in his 5th year(current year) . He's not making fully articulated sentences yet, but he's making great progress., Every child is different, however, my child was diagnosed at two, considered non verbal with less than twenty words used primarily as mimicking myself and wife. He just celebrated his 4th birthday and is now able to tell us what he wants/needs (to an extent; I.E. name his foods when he’s hungry and what toys he wants) and is over 500 words, and hit a new milestone recently saying a 7 word sentence. It’s a long road and we still have our struggles, but keep your chin up and talk to your child no matter what. I hope for nothing but positive results for you and yours., I have a 4+ yo who was completely nonverbal. He now says a lot of things (very few complete sentences though and not conversational), but still SO much farther than I hoped. Don’t give up. 2 is still very young., At 2 my kid was totally non verbal. Hes 5 now, and is words are starting to form. He started to try around 4. Between 4-5 was like a language boom i guess you can say., My son started speech therapy at 2. He had almost no consistent words and hardly any words at all. Mostly just grunts and babble. He is about to turn 3 and now says all sorts of words and multi word phrases. Really the last 2 months have been a huge change. Everyone has a different path but 2 is still very young., My uncle on my dad’s side didn’t talk until he was 7 years old! No long term issues. He’s fully verbal, in his 50s now, had a big family and works as superintendent of a large school district!, My son only had a few signs at 2 years old. About a month after turning four, he suddenly started speaking. Now, three months later, he chats up a storm and is working on making longer sentences, answering wh- questions, etc. We are in awe of him. Leading up to this, he had over 100 ASL signs and his AAC device. He still attends speech therapy 2x weekly., My son was verbal up until 2 years old and then regressed. He’s 6 now and speaks in full sentences and even has a good sense of humor. Speech therapy and talking to him with all that he’s taught during his sessions, have been a real game changer. We’re still a long way to go until he communicates with some comprehension but we’ll get there. If you haven’t yet, look into early intervention and then speech therapy once she ages out. I wish you both the best and hope she discovers her voice eventually., My oldest was mostly nonverbal until he was 7. He signed a few things and would say yes or no. He uses a talker in school/when disregulated, but otherwise speaks in small sentences mostly, limited imaginative speech, but loves answering questions and reciting pixar movies, in full 🤣. He is 9.5. Has been in speech therapy since 18 months old. My middle was nothing minus wolf howls until she was 2, then she was quite behind until just this year. She's almost 8. Never had speech therapy. My youngest was totally nonverbal, until he was 2.5. No pointing, no babbles, no mama, nothing prior. He started single words and was behind until 3.5 then exploded to talking like a professor by 4. He did 1yr of speech therapy., My 2 year old was diagnosed autistic, and accepted half days at age 3 in SAISD Colonies north elementary- I thought he would never say mama, but he BLOSSOMED, completely verbal ( speech impediment but intelligent and articulates ideas etc) the ALE special needs program had teachers so dedicated I’m still in touch and consider them family- and he graduated last year and is 19 now. THERE IS DEFINITELY HOPE!! Never talk around him, always talk to him and include him in conversations… it’s absolutely normal to feel this anxiety I’ve been there- with my daughter also 3 years after!, There’s no hard and fast rule but if there’s a desire to communicate and babbling that’s a great sign. Can she point? My boy only has like 2 or 3 occasional words then and at 4.5 is trying more regularly but still single words and a few word combos. My nephew is 6 and typically developing as far as we can tell and had pretty much no words at 2 and his speech took off at 2.5. He’s a pretty typical kid now doing well., Nonverbal at two is normal even for neurotypical kids. My 5yr/o is nonverbal, but slowly starting to kick up words, and I've heard of kids who didn't start talking til they were 10, 11, 12... 2 is nothing to worry about., Mine (a girl) started at three! It takes time and lots of therapy and patience. I also have friends whose kids still don’t speak. But they use their “talkers” and can communicate their needs! Hang in there. This is a marathon not a sprint., Curious if you’ve had their hearing checked yet? My son does have ASD but actually started talking/babbling as soon as he had tubes placed due to chronic fluid being in his ears. After that he slowly started becoming more verbal. It’s now been a year and a half since he had tubes in and he’s still behind but we’re confident he will get there eventually. All that aside my mom works with kiddos with ASD in the public school system. They all can speak but she says some didn’t start as late as 6 but still got there., This sounds a lot like my kid, who is now 3 and who I just dropped off to a normal Montessori preschool. If she has a couple words/signs she is not nonverbal - it’s just a speech delay. The way our developmental pediatrician put it is that “the kid with 1 word is closer to the kid with 100 words than to the kid with 0 words” because your kid has the cognitive capacity to understand and process symbolic language. So yeah I would expect they will be totally fine in the long term verbally. But definitely have them in speech therapy and read up on it yourself. Speaking better, earlier will give them a big advantage in early life and a head start in other things., My now 3 year old had one word (star) until he was around 2.5. He said his first 2-word phrase (hi shark) this past January. He called me mama for the first time in February. Now he doesn’t stop talking. Some of it is babbling, some of it is difficult to understand, but he is very clearly expressing himself and that’s all we ever wanted. He was also leading us, shortly before his verbal language began to grow, but the leading itself is a form of communication so you’re on a good track : ) Good luck to you guys!, Not my child, but my cousin didn’t talk until he was five. My father (this was told to me by his mother) didn’t start talking until he was seven and had to have speech therapy. You’d never notice bc with the two of them, once they started talking they never stopped lmao, YES ABSOLUTELY YES. My son didn’t attempt to imitate language until around 5 and then the summer between kindergarten and 1st grade it was like his language exploded out of nowhere through scripting from his shows/movies/games. Still very much nonverbal but he’s started calling me momma, and all family and friends by their names and things like that. He even started saying “shit” and “uhoh” in the correct context/tone by just observing my reactions in life. Keep communicating and listening to your kid…they take it ALL in., At age 2 he was basically nonspeaking- he could point, and he could scream. I started signs with him at 18 months but it took like a year and a half for a few to take. Speech therapy and OT helped! It seemed like nothing was happening for the first year of that but then he started adding words. Got him an ancient iPad that could run an AAC program and that seemed to help him add words faster verbally, somehow. When he added “yes” and “no” to his vocabulary that was life changing. Now 4 within a couple of weeks and within the last few months he’s exploded into full sentences. Within the last several weeks he’s started saying “I sorry, Mommy” if he accidentally hurts me or makes a big mess and even says it with sympathy like when his little brother tripped fell over and was crying the other day. “(Name) hurt. Ow. I sorry.” They are all so different, so there’s really no telling. But that’s our situation here., My kiddo was about the same - we got her into some early interventions through the school district. She's 4 now and she's making demands and bossing us around like most kids her age. She's still a little shy at school, but she's becoming more verbal there, too., Hey OP! Any update on your child’s progress? I’m on the same boat and have same questions., The richest friend we have (lives in a multi-million dollar house, his wife doesn’t have to work) didn’t talk until he was 4 years old. He’s the nicest guy ever. Plays on my husband’s beer league hockey team! I think babbling is a good sign! My 3 year old’s babbling is now turning into actual words (although he was diagnosed with hyperlexia, not autism)., My kiddo is going to be 4 in December, this February (he was then 3 and 2 months) while we were waiting on the ABA wait list, he just started talking. First it was common words, ball, mom, dad and then it’s been progressing. He has since been taking speech therapy and says short sentences. Like, I like cookies etc. His main form of communication before was pointing and some signs. He never babbled. I almost can’t believe it- he’s like a whole new person. He went from saying nothing, not even no. To speaking in this short time frame., You never know. Just do your best., My son didn't have any words or gestures at 2, and he started EI around his second birthday. He'll be 3 soon and has a large vocabulary, is stringing several words together, and is making progress in conversational language. He's still considered delayed, and going to transition to pre-k where he'll continue to recieve services., My daughter was non verbal at 2 she just turned 3 and is finally starting to speak for a long time I didn’t think it would ever happen but thankfully it has!, Pretty good still. My niece only made 'aaah' sounds until like 4 years old. She speaks pretty well now at 11. It took a long time to understand her as someone who wasn't around her constantly. She spoke like she had a very unique accent that altered the way a lot of words sounded. But her mom could always understand her., My son was similar to yours. At 3 he started saying words and then sentences. He's fully verbal now., My five year old was never totally nonverbal, but at 2 she had very little spontaneous language and communicated almost exclusively via delayed echolalia and scripting, and lots of babbling and gestures. She just turned 5, and we’ve seen a great improvement in the year and a half since her brother was born, and it’s been exponential since she started kindergarten last month. She’s now answering questions like “what’s your favorite color” and “what do you want to be for Halloween”. She’s told me about things she did at school after I show her a picture her teacher sent. She’s also sometimes even speaking in 5+ word sentences - today she told me “Mommy, we have to keep it from getting really messy” while picking up some clothes her brother had scattered in the living room., sounds exactly like my 20, almost 21 month old minus the signing, but he's good at pointing to what he wants. i've had many sleepless nights worrying abt the same thing 🤞🏻😅, I understand how you feel but I try not to compare and just trust in time my twins will ! Love and light to you N your little one🌸, My 2 year old was non verbal and she’s now 3.5 with no real issue with her verbal skills. She parrots a lot and she struggles with receptive language but her actually speaking is excellent now!, Mine (5f) was whispers and jargon from age 1 1/2- 31/2, within the the last year and halfish there’s been a burst of speech! It may be only on her terms but that’s fine. Some days it’s nonstop small sentences and other days it’s one word answers when she feels like it. Mostly to call me a meanie when I don’t give her everything she wants at the drop of a hat. But progress is progress, and to be celebrated no matter how small!, My 2yo was nonverbal. Now almost 5, she’s not exactly conversational but she can ask for food/drink/to go potty/to play. Can say her numbers, letters, colors, shapes. Its gonna take some time and patience but its possible. 2 is very young, My mother in law was 4 before she talked, and she grew up to be a very amazing and articulate woman., My daughter just turned 4. When she was 2 she was the exact same. I would feel so hopeless constantly wondering if she would ever talk. Tons of babbling and the very rare word like ball, mama. Once she started with speech therapy at age 2 and a half she started speaking 8 months later (roughly age 3) lots of words. It snowballed and words started coming quickly to her but just in the last couple of months now she is starting to string them together into sentences and it's so exciting. I truly thought it would never happen so sometimes it feels like a dream. She also had speech regression which would be so discouraging. What helped her is a communication app on her iPad called TD snap and tons of and tons of repeating the words with her. If she says anything that sounds like a word you reinforce the word a few times like she would say "daw" as dog so I would slowly say dog (pronouncing each letter clearly) and eventually she gets it. Don't lose hope, it can happen and especially if she's doing signs and saying hi plus good eye contact and social. I think those are good signs. Focus on practicing every day, talking as much as possible to her., My now 17,5 Aspie talks lots and good. They prefer to be silent ;) but are good at debating Everything All the time. They did not speak up untill 4/5y and only understndable at 6 or 7y. Speech therapy and Sensoric Integration fysio both helped them with their verbal dyspraxia., There is a really big chance she will be able to talk one day. And even if she doesn't then it is not the end of the world. That is why sign language and aac exists. Communication doesn't have to be verbal, My grand daughter said NOTHING at 2. I got custody at 3 (she used<10 words) and worked intentionally and constantly on her communication. A year later, she uses tons of words. Asks for what she wants, uses several phrases appropriately, "it's OK grandma, try again" "hi grandma, hi grandpa" "I NOT Bob, I Jane" "you help?" "wake up" sit in the chair... it's such a joy to listen to her, she says so many things., My son at 2 was very similar, making lots of noise but not speaking. By kindergarten he was using single words, at home, sometimes. He is 7yo now and has made vast, huge improvements in the last year. Not quite fluent but has enough receptive language now to communicate his needs and feelings 😊, My 4 year old started to say stuff at 3 years 9 months. At 2 years she was completely non verbal. Now at 4.5 she is speaking full sentences. She still has a long way to go but our speech therapist assured us that in time she will be fully verbal. Language is a tough thing for our kids. They have excellent visual memory but struggle with speech, Mine did, and oh boy, does he talk off my ear now! 13 and loves talking! He began to take at 3.5 years old., Does your child point at things do they raise up their arms when they want to be picked up? Those are some other ways that children communicate., My 2.5 yo is in the same boat except he doesn't babble much and never has. The only word he says consistently is dada. Other than that, he'll occasionally say ball but it sounds like ba or duck but it sounds like duh. He does have about 15 signs and we're working on more. We've been in speech for over a year. I'm hopeful his language skills will develop further as time passes., Yeah my 5yr old didn't actually talk at all till about 3.5 and that was just a couple simple words(mama,dada,baba) and babbling. He mimics and repeats certain phrases now, he also can name things he wants like "milk", name colors, and count. Babbling is a good sign., My daughter turns 3 next month. Until 2.5 she had little to no words (less than 10). Within the last 6 months she’s had a word explosion and says 250+ words and is singing full on songs. It’s been amazing to see and it happened so fast. You may see something similar. Once they “catch on” they start talking like crazy., My son didn’t really start talking till 4 after a few months of ABA. Now he doesn’t stop talking a taste later. 😂, Very high! My son didn’t speak at 2 but speaks now at 6 very well- not age appropriate but still pretty Well. He’s on the spectrum as well., I didn’t speak until I was 3, but when I did speak it was in phrases and sentences - I apparently didn’t see the point unless what I said would produce a predictable/beneficial response., Your daughter sounds like my daughter when she was 2. She started talking when she turned 3. She's 7 now and is very talkative. There is hope! Sounds like she's trying to communicate, very awesome. 👍, Mine had no words until he was 3 years old. I think he attempted his first word like 1 month before he turned 3. Prior to that, yeah, he made noises, but I don't know if I would even call it babbling because it wasn't like he was TRYING to say anything. He just made noise. Then his language exploded. He's 4 now and never shuts up, it's great, and I love it. I know several other parents whose kids didn't talk til like.. 3, 4, the last few months, and now they are suddenly speaking in complete sentences. It's crazy how fast they catch up once they start. I will say though with my son, nothing else worked. He hated PECs and threw my cards everywhere, no interest. Sign language... he learned like 4 or 5 and then gave up. I knew talking was going to be the easiest route for him, so I did what I could to encourage it. We put mirrors all over our house at his eye-level, particularly one in front of the TV so he could watch TV and himself at the same time. It got him singing. I put on Mrs Rachel (Songs for Littles) the baby videos and sign language videos just anything I could think of to encourage him to talk. I was probably a bit pushy with him, honestly. But I felt like he was capable and just refused to try. He has always been a real perfectionist, hates learning and wants to do it right the first time with everything, so I had a feeling that's what was holding him back. Ultimately it was up to him to try., It’s a toss up both of mine were nonverbal at that age. My son eventually started mimicking sounds around 3.5/4 and said his first words about 5yo. Still struggles to express himself. It he can talk. My daughter actually seemed like she would have no issues talking and then went silent. Now she babbles/scripts a lot but purposeful communication is very few and far between. She’s now 7yo, My son had zero words at 2! He had “hi” a few times around maybe 18m but lost it and didn’t regain it back for a very long time. He’s now three and is talking! He is starting to use “filler words” on occasion now like “the” and “is”. He only had 2 word sentences until around his 3rd birthday. There’s absolutely hope!, My son didn’t speak ever until last year right after his 7th birthday. It’s different for each kid, don’t go by those deadlines Drs mention. Its BS and just scares the parent. There are no set timelines for these things. Get medical specialists who deal with autism specifically and lots of speech therapy and she will get there!, At 2.5, after a regression, my son was like that. He’s 4.5 now, and has made major improvements. He seems to have a speech delay in addition to asd. Still, he can understand 2 or 3 step instructions and can ask for basic needs. His therapists are fairly confident he will be fully verbal. But it’s scary and uncertain. My advice is not to think too much about this. Improvement is possible, but how much a child can improve seems to depend on factors outside of our control. So just focus on what you can control. It’s hard to do and I don’t always follow my own advice. I definitely read all the comments here 😂. But think too much about these possibilities just sent me into a rabbit hole of anxiety and confusion. When that happens, all I can do is refocus on next steps., At 2 and 5 months her speech just clicked and in the last 6 months she has become pretty functional with speech and makes even more progress all the time. We are aren’t really sure what changed at that time but she did change speech therapists around the same time. She was not verbal at all before that, My daughter is 8 years old. She's non-verbal but she does say sometimes singles words not sentences yet. All I can say with early intervention with a speech therapist. It is very helpful. My daughter's progress has been slow but I do see the progress and her speech therapist has told me too. My daughter uses sign language and points and a communication book ( PECS) from school., My now 22 year old son didn't speak until he was 4. Now we can't get him to ever stop talking!! Lol. I still remember sitting with him trying everything I could think of to communicate with him and being so scared I would never know how., My son is 2 years and 4 months old. He babbles a lot but no words have been formed. He just says 1 word and repeats that word without meaning. His eye contact and social skills are poor and seems to be in a world of his own. He is amazing at puzzles especially number puzzles but does not respond to his name. I am really worried that he may have ASD. I am just hoping and praying to God that he speaks., That is reassuring, thank you!, My educated assessment from asking age every time a non verbal child starts speaking here is start to prepare for the long haul around 5., Does that statistic include those that use AAC devices or PECs as their form of speech?, Amazing❤, Omg I REALLY needed to hear this 😭 so very happy for you all!, Were there any noticeable changes in her behavior before the speech began? Like imitation of gestures or sounds?, Why did you do ?, That's amazing! Is there anything you feel you did that helped her progress?, This gives me so much hope. I really lost hope after 4 but post like this make me so happy, That's amazing! ❤️, Same for my 6 year old not even a word. Well he will stim by saying ya ya ya occasionally I will here him say mom but never to me and once it’s acknowledged won’t say it again. I also don’t know if he’s just babbling and I am making words of it., ❤️❤️❤️ I wish I could hug you., Was there anything else you felt was more effective? I'm kinda at the point where I don't even know where to begin. I mean we do pre K, speech therapy, and a aba. And I read to him but, nothing is really effective because he's nonverbal., Have you spoken to his speech therapist?, I strongly suggest reading “more than words”. It is a book by the Hanen institute for helping language related kids with autism (“it takes two to talk” is for NT kids, but also has been helpful for our guy), Wow that's amazing!, That’s great to hear. May I know how you taught him second language? We are also a bilingual household, we speak English to him mostly because we feel he will need it at school. I kind of give up the idea of teaching him our mother tongue language because I feel it’s hard enough for him to master one language., I definitely think she is autistic and she is receiving speech! That's amazing though, good for your son!!!, Thank you! She is able to request what she needs right now through sign language and hand leading so I am hopeful!, Thank you! My baby is a girl but I am hopeful., Forsure! Totally get that, just looking for other's experiences helps me keep some hope but remain realistic, Good to know! Her SLP said she wasn't too concerned about apraxia for her, though I'm not sure how she could really know since she isn't speaking, I always try to remember that! Temple Grandin too!, Wow that's amazing? Are you NT?, Thank you❤, That's incredible!, Hi, I would love to connect with your uncle. You didn’t mention if your uncle was ND but not speaking until he was 7 indicates to me that he had many developmental challenges he had to overcome. I run a company that provides assessment, curriculum, materials, training and virtual services for the global ASD / special needs market. I would love to lear about the challenges superintendents face with regards to their SPED program. More specifically, how to improve the quality of our education system, not just for special education, but for GenEd. My name is Karen Chung. My company is Special Learning (www.special-learning.com) and my email is kchung@special-learning.com. By the way. Why are you part of the r/autism_parenting sub? Do you have a child on the spectrum?, Thank you so much! We are in the process of getting her speech in addition to the early intervention speech she is already getting, Wow! Are all three of yours autistic? Must be a lot of unique communication your house ❤ thanks for sharing your story!, Haha I hope I get to be bossed around one day🤣, Thats so awesome! I'm curious because I just had a baby boy after my ASD daughter. Is your son's speech developing typically?, Also want to add, he STILL won't say hi 😅 I think saying hi is a very good sign for your child! Especially at 2., She does raise her arms to be picked up! She accassionally points but mostly just reaches, Thats awesome! When did he start speaking?, Thank you❤, That's awesome! How was her receptive language? I think my daughters is pretty behind though she understands some simple phrases like "time to brush your teeth", Have you had him evaluated by early intervention? If not, you should so that he can get speech therapy!, Barely was getting it even at 5. We're at 9 last month and it's skyrocketing. Don't stop trying and get creative., For what its worth, on my sons 2nd birthday he said no words. Hes 3.5 and speaking full sentences now. 2 is very very young. It seems like a big delay at this age but even if hes 3 or 4 years behind by the time hes 20 thats hardly noticeable. I would keep working on it with the goal being communication and not speaking words, but theres a good chance she will eventuallt speak, My kiddo didn't babble at all at 2, and he's not doing what a lot of people would consider "talking" at 4 but he's communicating verbally with some limited sounds and we are so proud and happy!!, The above is about where my son has been. He’s 8 and just starting to really have low level conversations. When he was 2 he may have had 5-10 words at best. Keep your hopes up and keep talking to your child., The [full text](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9923624/) of that study has [a graph that does show a jump right around age 5](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/core/lw/2.0/html/tileshop_pmc/tileshop_pmc_inline.html?title=Click%20on%20image%20to%20zoom&p=PMC3&id=9923624_PEDS_20122221fig01.jpg)., That specific study only looked at spoken language., Just keep trying. I know it's really hard but keep it up. BTW her first word was "purple" I never thought I'd hear her say mama and now she never stops!, No. The only sounds she was able to make was "mmmmmmmm", A lot of credit goes to her going to school and speech therapy. Early intervention was definitely important. Also I think her having an AAC devise really got her to understand communication and made her want to talk even more., Early intervention. Started early intervention at 1. At 1.5 started PECS and by 2 we moved up to an AAC. I believe having the AAC really helped. With the AAC she was able to learn communication and how to use it. We read a lot and just never stop talking and narrating what is going on. Shes getting new words every day and the words she does have are getting clearer. She was recently diagnosed with apraxia of speech too. She was very late on pointing but could use her tablet to tell me what she wanted. We still use it. Especially when she is hard to understand., Thank you. I spent many years agonizing over it and praying eventually speech would come, but now I have accepted that this is how things will be and we just have to move forward. No amount of tears will change the reality of things. I now only hope he will eventually be capable of pointing or using his AAC device to express pain, illness, etc. Unfortunately he doesn’t understand those concepts at this point, he can only request foods, water, and preferred locations., Unfortunately, we started this whole autism journey during 2020 with lockdowns and covid, plus we moved so we didn’t start speech until later. Even then we didn’t have access to consistent speech until he was 4. His speech therapist thinks he’ll speak eventually, I hope so!, We were living in Italy and I was talking to him in English while everyone else including my husband spoke in Italian. The speech therapist made me speak to him in Italian because she said he needed things simpler to get started and 2 languages were too difficult. Once he was talking. he made quite rapid progress, so then I went back to speaking English to him. Altogether I stopped speaking English for about 5 months. When I resumed it, he progressed so fast it was obvious he had absorbed everything earlier, and out it came. Learning 2 languages is certainly much harder for kids than people realise, and often causes delays in speaking. I think if autism is causing additional challenges and delays, it's probably worth giving up on one language so your son can start communicating. I think this will help his neurological development more than anything else and the sooner it starts, the better. With what I know now, I would have started my son's speech therapy much earlier., Wow, from non-verbal to bilingual in 5 months, your son did great! At what age did he start making progress? My son is 2.5 and mostly using jargons, he repeats us sometimes, but most of the time he doesn’t want to communicate verbally and hand lead us instead. He combine words to make 1-3 word sentences once in a while, but always out of context., The sign language is really a plus. My daughter was never able to grasp it. If God leads you to it, then He’ll lead you through it. ❤️, Before he started with the new therapy we also had him use a AAC device to make sentences, I am not. I am autistic but I'm 37 so it was a pretty late diagnosis. Back then you really didn't get diagnosed unless it was absolutely severe. My grandpa just kept telling my mother to have me checked to... see if i had a developmental disability... although this was the 80's so that wasn't the word he used, I’ll reach out to him and see if he’s comfortable with that. ☺️ and yes, I have an autistic and adhd son, and I myself am autistic and adhd. We’re both formally diagnosed., They are, yep. It's wild haha trying to navigate everyone's individual communication style for sure!, It seems to be so far, though he’s not quite 17 months yet so it’s still early. He has started to copy her stims which is cute but also nerve wracking. I worry I’ll miss something. It is pretty clear right now he’s copying her - he flaps his hands when he sees her do it, and he likes to spin with her. But I know it may not always be so obvious., He started speaking pretty clearly around 4 with a lot of speech therapy under his belt!, Her receptive language was similar. She understood a few basic commands but most stuff just went over her head. It seemed like her receptive language started developing but it still lags behind. She still struggles with understanding but that is the focus of her speech therapy now. So it getting better. The thing to remember is that it is a spectrum. Literally every single child is different but many kids become some level of verbal but even if not, communication is not just verbal, Hi..started with speech therapy at 18 months and we are thinking of starting behaviour therapy too. I have an appt with a dev pedritician coming up., What ways have you been creative?, I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing!, ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ Thanks for linking that though. Now I can answer this based on solid data, although my typical answer was pretty close and only needs slight modification. So a rather huge leap in gain of speech around age 5. By age 8 non-intellectually impaired are basically all speaking. So if not speaking by age 8 then time to assume intellectual impairment if you have not already done so. I'm shocked how close to 100% all intellectual ranges get. I need to sit and read through this later. Like what qualifies as speech here? My 6 yo daughter technically can speak. A few words. Very very sparingly. Very far from effective communication. She counts as gaining speech?, Same for my 8 year old. He just is not interested in it. I can ask him yes or no questions and I asked him if he would like to talk one day and he said no. He uses a talking tablet and some sign language. He gets his points across., continue with speech therapy and in due time i’m sure she will start saying words!.. keep your head up on this journey !, Wow! Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope!!, I would love to speak with you about your experiences and needs as an adult on the spectrum with the ADHD co-morbidity. I know that it's very challenging for adults on the spectrum to get properly diagnosed because most of the screening/diagnostic tools are for children (male children, at that) and there's an acute shortage of diagnostic professionals. Several colleagues and I have started a project to develop an adult ASD screening tool. Since you are officially diagnosed, I would love for you to take it so that we can compare accuracy. You might also be interested in enrolling in our Journey to Independence program. It's a structured program for parents with newly diagnosed children. It's completely free of charge. https://special-learning.com/events/journey-to-independence-parent-waitlist-program/, I've heard of that happening! It is nerve wracking watching the milestones forsure and looking for signs., Sounds like you are doing everything you need to for your little guy! Goodluck to you and him😊, Chase the babbles. We had a feedback play microphone that started the motivation, upgraded to a digital one that amplified so they could hear themselves clearly- not loudly like a stage mic. Then I would say what I wanted them to say and immediately hand it back. Language exploded from there. Kept it in play when I was looking for some conversation- get used to talking like a narrator. Then I started having a pretend microphone I would hand to them. Then my finger. Then we practiced what I would expect them to say back. Now we chat. Broken and short. Working with the speech pathologist for clarity and narrative pieces. Sometimes fast and incoherent. 9 now and it's better every month. They are the most interesting people in the world, our non-verbal ones. If we spend our time to hopefully find their voice, you give them the key to this world- to share theirs with you., Seems like the graph is looking at phrase speech here, which is defined as: "Using non-echoed three-word utterances that sometimes involve a verb and are spontaneous meaningful word combinations.", I was also shocked at that 100% number, I think we must be misunderstanding the chart. Maybe this is *of delayed children that did acquire speech, when did they do it?* ***(i.e. the end value is definitionally 100%)***, Them feeling like they can communicate their needs and wants is the biggest factor in my experience so far. My son can get very frustrated and start SIB over not being able to communicate and it breaks my heart., He gets his points across. That made me laugh a little. My 2 year old is speech delayed, not yet diagnosed ASD but it seems to be heading that direction. He just started ABA last week and they always ask how he communicates. By the end of the session they were like “oh he gets his point across!” Yelling, screaming, pointing, whatever, he gets what he needs, Hope things work out well for you. It's more common for boys to do that, and more common for girls to start taking earlier than normal, but i have yet to decide if that's a real, observable thing or just more skewed diagnostic nonsense that will be less gender dependent once better research is done, Sure! Go ahead and message me. I’ll also give your program a look, thanks! ☺️, Thank you.Anyone aware of any dietary modifications I can do for him to promote language development?, Nothing at all until 5 years old with constant trying. But they don't forget the words, the stories, the examples, your smiles, your greetings. Don't ever feel like you're trying for nothing., >Data used for the current study were from 535 children with ASD who were at least 8 years of age (mean = 11.6 years, SD = 2.73 years) and who did not acquire phrase speech before age 4. So they filtered out those who achieved phrase speech before 4 years old. >A total of 372 children (70%) attained phrase speech and 253 children (47%) attained fluent speech at or after age 4. Am I reading that right? So 30% did NOT achieve phrase speech? >because our sample did not consist of exclusively nonverbal children, the rate of speech attainment may be lower if the sample was divided further by level of language to create a more homogenous group., Yeah, I think that’s right

Child asking questions about religion

My husband is an atheist and I simply care more about being a good person than religion. Our daughter is in elementary. A friend of hers has been talking to her about Christianity. She has begun asking questions about Jesus, heaven and what happens to our souls. We are in agreement that religion is simply something that is up to each individual. We are open to allowing her the chance to explore whatever she wishes. How should we navigate this?

Tell them the same; that religion comes from experience and that their position on it will likely evolve as they age, Maybe you can find different childrens books about different religions., Tell her to read about it online or go take her to a library and check out books on it. This will teach her how to look up stuff she wants answers to do research when she is curious and wants to understand something., I tell them that there are multiple views and people do not agree. I explain those views and say they can believe what they want, Books for children about world religions. Offer to attend a service at various churches, mosques, imams, temples, etc. to help give a well-rounded experience. Offer to research together and answer her questions. Allow her to attend Sunday school with her friend, if she’s interested (though, I do advise you do this with care to ensure she isn’t pressured into the religion). Talk about healthy approaches to religion and beliefs, and explain the differences all the way from atheists to agnosticism, to paganism, to the Big Three, and the other beliefs not usually talked about (Vodou, Zoroastrianism, Bahai’ism, etc), and discuss the importance between recognising dangerous cults (Scientology is a classic example), and what to avoid. Talk about the basis of belief for each religion, tenets of belief (rough example): - Buddhism is about achieving enlightenment. - Christianity is about God sending his only son to save the world, and has conditions to get to heaven: also tenets of practicing love and brotherhood/sisterhood. - Vodou teaches about the transcendent and divine Creator (Bonye), worship often involves rituals to invoke spirits to possess the devout. …etc… Depending on the depth of her interest, she may really love learning about the anthropology of myths, folklore, and religions all over the world. Greek myths are an excellent introduction into that world. Either way, it’s great that you want to encourage her interest and understanding., With a lot of honesty. She also might eventually find it interesting to learn about the psychological and evolutionary reasons religion has helped our species from a raw numbers standpoint., Coming from a religious cult upbringing.. I told my kid that we don’t serve, worship, or put our faith in any God. And when he is old enough to understand how religion and spirituality are different then he is old enough to make up his mind for himself., Teach them what you believe and allow them to disagree. I think that’s every parent! My son believes leprechauns are real because the school went hard for st. Patrick’s day. When he talks about them I say things like “that’s how the story goes” to subtly tell him it’s a story. I ask him what he thinks and then I share with him that I don’t believe in them. But I don’t TELL him they’re not real, I let him make up his mind. Over time, he’ll start to understand. Personally I would explain the story of Jesus and Christianity and how other people believe it. Explain your beliefs a little. Ask him what he thinks. Leave it at that., We can try that but she doesn't take answers at face value. She will ask the same questions over and over to multiple people until she is satisfied with our answers. She's a very curious child., That's a great idea! She loves reading. Thank you., I mean, then that’s your answer. You help her out with the individual questions. We tell our kid our individual beliefs (for me this is staunch atheism, my husband is somewhere on a spiritual agnostic scale) and that nobody gets to tell her how or what to believe, only she can decide what she feels. So we just answer any questions. Why we think what we do (so for my husband and I it a not always the same. So we meaning we each share how we interpret something and sometimes it’s the same and sometimes it is different) and ask what she thinks. It’s just an open ended conversation and there will be lots of questions and we look up what we need to together, Tell them the same; that religion comes from experience and that their position on it will likely evolve as they age, Maybe you can find different childrens books about different religions., Tell her to read about it online or go take her to a library and check out books on it. This will teach her how to look up stuff she wants answers to do research when she is curious and wants to understand something., I tell them that there are multiple views and people do not agree. I explain those views and say they can believe what they want, Books for children about world religions. Offer to attend a service at various churches, mosques, imams, temples, etc. to help give a well-rounded experience. Offer to research together and answer her questions. Allow her to attend Sunday school with her friend, if she’s interested (though, I do advise you do this with care to ensure she isn’t pressured into the religion). Talk about healthy approaches to religion and beliefs, and explain the differences all the way from atheists to agnosticism, to paganism, to the Big Three, and the other beliefs not usually talked about (Vodou, Zoroastrianism, Bahai’ism, etc), and discuss the importance between recognising dangerous cults (Scientology is a classic example), and what to avoid. Talk about the basis of belief for each religion, tenets of belief (rough example): - Buddhism is about achieving enlightenment. - Christianity is about God sending his only son to save the world, and has conditions to get to heaven: also tenets of practicing love and brotherhood/sisterhood. - Vodou teaches about the transcendent and divine Creator (Bonye), worship often involves rituals to invoke spirits to possess the devout. …etc… Depending on the depth of her interest, she may really love learning about the anthropology of myths, folklore, and religions all over the world. Greek myths are an excellent introduction into that world. Either way, it’s great that you want to encourage her interest and understanding., With a lot of honesty. She also might eventually find it interesting to learn about the psychological and evolutionary reasons religion has helped our species from a raw numbers standpoint., Coming from a religious cult upbringing.. I told my kid that we don’t serve, worship, or put our faith in any God. And when he is old enough to understand how religion and spirituality are different then he is old enough to make up his mind for himself., Teach them what you believe and allow them to disagree. I think that’s every parent! My son believes leprechauns are real because the school went hard for st. Patrick’s day. When he talks about them I say things like “that’s how the story goes” to subtly tell him it’s a story. I ask him what he thinks and then I share with him that I don’t believe in them. But I don’t TELL him they’re not real, I let him make up his mind. Over time, he’ll start to understand. Personally I would explain the story of Jesus and Christianity and how other people believe it. Explain your beliefs a little. Ask him what he thinks. Leave it at that., We can try that but she doesn't take answers at face value. She will ask the same questions over and over to multiple people until she is satisfied with our answers. She's a very curious child., That's a great idea! She loves reading. Thank you., I mean, then that’s your answer. You help her out with the individual questions. We tell our kid our individual beliefs (for me this is staunch atheism, my husband is somewhere on a spiritual agnostic scale) and that nobody gets to tell her how or what to believe, only she can decide what she feels. So we just answer any questions. Why we think what we do (so for my husband and I it a not always the same. So we meaning we each share how we interpret something and sometimes it’s the same and sometimes it is different) and ask what she thinks. It’s just an open ended conversation and there will be lots of questions and we look up what we need to together, Tell them the same; that religion comes from experience and that their position on it will likely evolve as they age, Maybe you can find different childrens books about different religions., Tell her to read about it online or go take her to a library and check out books on it. This will teach her how to look up stuff she wants answers to do research when she is curious and wants to understand something., I tell them that there are multiple views and people do not agree. I explain those views and say they can believe what they want, Books for children about world religions. Offer to attend a service at various churches, mosques, imams, temples, etc. to help give a well-rounded experience. Offer to research together and answer her questions. Allow her to attend Sunday school with her friend, if she’s interested (though, I do advise you do this with care to ensure she isn’t pressured into the religion). Talk about healthy approaches to religion and beliefs, and explain the differences all the way from atheists to agnosticism, to paganism, to the Big Three, and the other beliefs not usually talked about (Vodou, Zoroastrianism, Bahai’ism, etc), and discuss the importance between recognising dangerous cults (Scientology is a classic example), and what to avoid. Talk about the basis of belief for each religion, tenets of belief (rough example): - Buddhism is about achieving enlightenment. - Christianity is about God sending his only son to save the world, and has conditions to get to heaven: also tenets of practicing love and brotherhood/sisterhood. - Vodou teaches about the transcendent and divine Creator (Bonye), worship often involves rituals to invoke spirits to possess the devout. …etc… Depending on the depth of her interest, she may really love learning about the anthropology of myths, folklore, and religions all over the world. Greek myths are an excellent introduction into that world. Either way, it’s great that you want to encourage her interest and understanding., With a lot of honesty. She also might eventually find it interesting to learn about the psychological and evolutionary reasons religion has helped our species from a raw numbers standpoint., Coming from a religious cult upbringing.. I told my kid that we don’t serve, worship, or put our faith in any God. And when he is old enough to understand how religion and spirituality are different then he is old enough to make up his mind for himself., Teach them what you believe and allow them to disagree. I think that’s every parent! My son believes leprechauns are real because the school went hard for st. Patrick’s day. When he talks about them I say things like “that’s how the story goes” to subtly tell him it’s a story. I ask him what he thinks and then I share with him that I don’t believe in them. But I don’t TELL him they’re not real, I let him make up his mind. Over time, he’ll start to understand. Personally I would explain the story of Jesus and Christianity and how other people believe it. Explain your beliefs a little. Ask him what he thinks. Leave it at that., We can try that but she doesn't take answers at face value. She will ask the same questions over and over to multiple people until she is satisfied with our answers. She's a very curious child., That's a great idea! She loves reading. Thank you., I mean, then that’s your answer. You help her out with the individual questions. We tell our kid our individual beliefs (for me this is staunch atheism, my husband is somewhere on a spiritual agnostic scale) and that nobody gets to tell her how or what to believe, only she can decide what she feels. So we just answer any questions. Why we think what we do (so for my husband and I it a not always the same. So we meaning we each share how we interpret something and sometimes it’s the same and sometimes it is different) and ask what she thinks. It’s just an open ended conversation and there will be lots of questions and we look up what we need to together, Tell them the same; that religion comes from experience and that their position on it will likely evolve as they age, Maybe you can find different childrens books about different religions., Tell her to read about it online or go take her to a library and check out books on it. This will teach her how to look up stuff she wants answers to do research when she is curious and wants to understand something., I tell them that there are multiple views and people do not agree. I explain those views and say they can believe what they want, Books for children about world religions. Offer to attend a service at various churches, mosques, imams, temples, etc. to help give a well-rounded experience. Offer to research together and answer her questions. Allow her to attend Sunday school with her friend, if she’s interested (though, I do advise you do this with care to ensure she isn’t pressured into the religion). Talk about healthy approaches to religion and beliefs, and explain the differences all the way from atheists to agnosticism, to paganism, to the Big Three, and the other beliefs not usually talked about (Vodou, Zoroastrianism, Bahai’ism, etc), and discuss the importance between recognising dangerous cults (Scientology is a classic example), and what to avoid. Talk about the basis of belief for each religion, tenets of belief (rough example): - Buddhism is about achieving enlightenment. - Christianity is about God sending his only son to save the world, and has conditions to get to heaven: also tenets of practicing love and brotherhood/sisterhood. - Vodou teaches about the transcendent and divine Creator (Bonye), worship often involves rituals to invoke spirits to possess the devout. …etc… Depending on the depth of her interest, she may really love learning about the anthropology of myths, folklore, and religions all over the world. Greek myths are an excellent introduction into that world. Either way, it’s great that you want to encourage her interest and understanding., With a lot of honesty. She also might eventually find it interesting to learn about the psychological and evolutionary reasons religion has helped our species from a raw numbers standpoint., Coming from a religious cult upbringing.. I told my kid that we don’t serve, worship, or put our faith in any God. And when he is old enough to understand how religion and spirituality are different then he is old enough to make up his mind for himself., Teach them what you believe and allow them to disagree. I think that’s every parent! My son believes leprechauns are real because the school went hard for st. Patrick’s day. When he talks about them I say things like “that’s how the story goes” to subtly tell him it’s a story. I ask him what he thinks and then I share with him that I don’t believe in them. But I don’t TELL him they’re not real, I let him make up his mind. Over time, he’ll start to understand. Personally I would explain the story of Jesus and Christianity and how other people believe it. Explain your beliefs a little. Ask him what he thinks. Leave it at that., We can try that but she doesn't take answers at face value. She will ask the same questions over and over to multiple people until she is satisfied with our answers. She's a very curious child., That's a great idea! She loves reading. Thank you., I mean, then that’s your answer. You help her out with the individual questions. We tell our kid our individual beliefs (for me this is staunch atheism, my husband is somewhere on a spiritual agnostic scale) and that nobody gets to tell her how or what to believe, only she can decide what she feels. So we just answer any questions. Why we think what we do (so for my husband and I it a not always the same. So we meaning we each share how we interpret something and sometimes it’s the same and sometimes it is different) and ask what she thinks. It’s just an open ended conversation and there will be lots of questions and we look up what we need to together

Child constantly directs play

Hi all, I'm new here! We are working our way through the various systems (district and medical) for our four year old son. But, it's seeming pretty likely that he has ASD. That said, one of his areas of needed social/emotional growth is around playing with peers, and being more adaptable in play in general. My husband and I play with him all the time, he is legitimately fun to play with. But he is constantly directing us on everything to do and say. It's always "Can you say 'Ahhh, the dinosaur is coming?'" He tells us how and what to do during play often. We try to avoid repeating exactly what he said back to him, and sometimes push back with "I don't really want to say that" but sometimes we are tired and say/do whatever he asks. Is there a gentle way to ease out of this style of play and/or help him understand that we want to play and have fun, but want to control our own little guys?

My daughter is very much in control of all decisions especially with play. We had pathological demand avoidance mentioned to us late last year and being in control is one of the traits. In simple terms, PDA is a nervous system disorder and the child will do everything they can to regulate their nervous system, so my daughter needs to be in control of everything in order to have predictability in her life. She also can't take any changes and will do everything to go back to her way, including negotiation or force or the inevitable meltdown ensues. We managed to work it out so that we take turns to make decisions - which has also taken a long time to get her to do. Not saying your child has PDA but it has helped me understand our daughter a lot better and using these strategies has made a massive difference for us., Same here, we were told it's a form of regaining control in stressful situations. TBH, for us, it is an ongoing struggle to balance "teaching rules", "teaching to respect other people's boundaries" and "respecting our child's need for security, avoiding overload situations". It certainly is not easy, and people from the outside often see parents that can't "control" their kid. What we do, is try to decide case-by-case whether something is a "teachable moment" (when he is otherwise calm, everyone's stress level is low), whether he is obviously stressed and needs reassurance, etc. I wish you all the best and good luck! rooting for you!, Both of my children have done this their entire lives. Both diagnosed with ASD. It sucks because they’ve had a lot of therapy and this is the reason they have no friends. They’re bossy and have to be in control of all the play with no flexibility. It’s definitely not environmental. I honestly raised first child a lot different from the second as a lot of people do. They both do it and both have PDA & OCD. I am here for help too. We did discontinue therapy during Covid I wish somehow we had stuck with it. My oldest did 5 years of it though and it didn’t help with this but it helped in other areas., My 4.5 year old is like this also when she decides she wants to play with others., My daughter is very much in control of all decisions especially with play. We had pathological demand avoidance mentioned to us late last year and being in control is one of the traits. In simple terms, PDA is a nervous system disorder and the child will do everything they can to regulate their nervous system, so my daughter needs to be in control of everything in order to have predictability in her life. She also can't take any changes and will do everything to go back to her way, including negotiation or force or the inevitable meltdown ensues. We managed to work it out so that we take turns to make decisions - which has also taken a long time to get her to do. Not saying your child has PDA but it has helped me understand our daughter a lot better and using these strategies has made a massive difference for us., Same here, we were told it's a form of regaining control in stressful situations. TBH, for us, it is an ongoing struggle to balance "teaching rules", "teaching to respect other people's boundaries" and "respecting our child's need for security, avoiding overload situations". It certainly is not easy, and people from the outside often see parents that can't "control" their kid. What we do, is try to decide case-by-case whether something is a "teachable moment" (when he is otherwise calm, everyone's stress level is low), whether he is obviously stressed and needs reassurance, etc. I wish you all the best and good luck! rooting for you!, Both of my children have done this their entire lives. Both diagnosed with ASD. It sucks because they’ve had a lot of therapy and this is the reason they have no friends. They’re bossy and have to be in control of all the play with no flexibility. It’s definitely not environmental. I honestly raised first child a lot different from the second as a lot of people do. They both do it and both have PDA & OCD. I am here for help too. We did discontinue therapy during Covid I wish somehow we had stuck with it. My oldest did 5 years of it though and it didn’t help with this but it helped in other areas., My 4.5 year old is like this also when she decides she wants to play with others., My daughter is very much in control of all decisions especially with play. We had pathological demand avoidance mentioned to us late last year and being in control is one of the traits. In simple terms, PDA is a nervous system disorder and the child will do everything they can to regulate their nervous system, so my daughter needs to be in control of everything in order to have predictability in her life. She also can't take any changes and will do everything to go back to her way, including negotiation or force or the inevitable meltdown ensues. We managed to work it out so that we take turns to make decisions - which has also taken a long time to get her to do. Not saying your child has PDA but it has helped me understand our daughter a lot better and using these strategies has made a massive difference for us., Same here, we were told it's a form of regaining control in stressful situations. TBH, for us, it is an ongoing struggle to balance "teaching rules", "teaching to respect other people's boundaries" and "respecting our child's need for security, avoiding overload situations". It certainly is not easy, and people from the outside often see parents that can't "control" their kid. What we do, is try to decide case-by-case whether something is a "teachable moment" (when he is otherwise calm, everyone's stress level is low), whether he is obviously stressed and needs reassurance, etc. I wish you all the best and good luck! rooting for you!, Both of my children have done this their entire lives. Both diagnosed with ASD. It sucks because they’ve had a lot of therapy and this is the reason they have no friends. They’re bossy and have to be in control of all the play with no flexibility. It’s definitely not environmental. I honestly raised first child a lot different from the second as a lot of people do. They both do it and both have PDA & OCD. I am here for help too. We did discontinue therapy during Covid I wish somehow we had stuck with it. My oldest did 5 years of it though and it didn’t help with this but it helped in other areas., My 4.5 year old is like this also when she decides she wants to play with others., My daughter is very much in control of all decisions especially with play. We had pathological demand avoidance mentioned to us late last year and being in control is one of the traits. In simple terms, PDA is a nervous system disorder and the child will do everything they can to regulate their nervous system, so my daughter needs to be in control of everything in order to have predictability in her life. She also can't take any changes and will do everything to go back to her way, including negotiation or force or the inevitable meltdown ensues. We managed to work it out so that we take turns to make decisions - which has also taken a long time to get her to do. Not saying your child has PDA but it has helped me understand our daughter a lot better and using these strategies has made a massive difference for us., Same here, we were told it's a form of regaining control in stressful situations. TBH, for us, it is an ongoing struggle to balance "teaching rules", "teaching to respect other people's boundaries" and "respecting our child's need for security, avoiding overload situations". It certainly is not easy, and people from the outside often see parents that can't "control" their kid. What we do, is try to decide case-by-case whether something is a "teachable moment" (when he is otherwise calm, everyone's stress level is low), whether he is obviously stressed and needs reassurance, etc. I wish you all the best and good luck! rooting for you!, Both of my children have done this their entire lives. Both diagnosed with ASD. It sucks because they’ve had a lot of therapy and this is the reason they have no friends. They’re bossy and have to be in control of all the play with no flexibility. It’s definitely not environmental. I honestly raised first child a lot different from the second as a lot of people do. They both do it and both have PDA & OCD. I am here for help too. We did discontinue therapy during Covid I wish somehow we had stuck with it. My oldest did 5 years of it though and it didn’t help with this but it helped in other areas., My 4.5 year old is like this also when she decides she wants to play with others.

Child diagnosed without level

I’m in the UK and paid privately for my child’s assessment but the clinic didn’t provide a level or scoring and are refusing to. Is this normal? I suppose it makes no difference I just wanted to specify really.

I’m in us and they never gave my child a level. It hasn’t mattered in anything service wise., Uk don't tend to give levels. Out diagnosis via the NHS was unusual as it did, but yet to meet any other families who also have. On our diagnosis, it listed needs as a final appendix. If you have the report already, you'll be able to read between lines. Also take into account that needs fluctuate and change over time., My daughter's psychologist gave her a level 1 but both her and my son's neurologist do not believe in levels. I usually use requires little support for my daughter, and requires significant support for my son., My son wasn't given a level until he was 5. A lot of people don't believe in levels, but since my son is severe (level 3 nonverbal), the level has helped with insurance coverage on a variety of things, it will help with obtaining guardianship of him when he's 18, etc. It's basically a nice way of saying my son is disabled by autism. That being said, it's also given us a bit of insight into his future and given us healthy expectations for how to plan for his future., I'm in UK and when my daughter was diagnosed she wasn't given a level either. At first i was initially told that we would just receive a 'Yes' or a 'No' to an autism diagnosis, and when we finally received the report it stated that my daughter "meets the diagnostic criteria for an autism diagnosis". And that was it. , My sons psychologist suggested that levels don’t necessarily define well enough, since autism is a spectrum. a very wide spectrum that, with one child a level two or three diagnosis does not mean the same thing. also depending on how young the child is, may not even matter because their growth and skills change so frequently., I'm in Scotland and haven't been given levels either, I'm in Canada and my son's diagnosis was "high risk of moderate/severe autism", It's become more common to not give levels when diagnosing autism. And that has a lot to do with it being a spectrum. For instance someone could be non-verbal and need devices to assist with communication, some would consider this a high support need, but that person might excel in many other areas. We did get levels with my kiddos, but even my first who is considered level 1 needs a decent amount of support. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just met your kiddo where they are and get them whatever support they need., Service levels are deprecated because needs are not as simple as 1,2,3. But because they are easy for people to understand, they are still commonly used., I honestly wish my daughter who was interested three wasn't given a level. I get it's an insurance thing but all its done is made me spiral and it sounds like to can change a lot any way in someone so young. Anyway, everyone on here has told me not to focus on it top much. As long as your child can access all the services that are needed I wouldn't worry too much about a level., Switzerland does not use levels either., I'm in the US and wasn't given a 1,2,3 level, just a mild to moderate diagnosis for my little one who had just turned 2 at the time., I'm in the US and got a level. He's diagnosed at level 3, but they were erroring on the side of caution. The levels simply reflect how much help/therapies and accommodations he currently needs. Kids can go down in levels here too, so I don't think it's necessarily a firm thing or matters beyond therapies needed even here where they occasionally use levels., I’m in us and they never gave my child a level. It hasn’t mattered in anything service wise., Uk don't tend to give levels. Out diagnosis via the NHS was unusual as it did, but yet to meet any other families who also have. On our diagnosis, it listed needs as a final appendix. If you have the report already, you'll be able to read between lines. Also take into account that needs fluctuate and change over time., My daughter's psychologist gave her a level 1 but both her and my son's neurologist do not believe in levels. I usually use requires little support for my daughter, and requires significant support for my son., My son wasn't given a level until he was 5. A lot of people don't believe in levels, but since my son is severe (level 3 nonverbal), the level has helped with insurance coverage on a variety of things, it will help with obtaining guardianship of him when he's 18, etc. It's basically a nice way of saying my son is disabled by autism. That being said, it's also given us a bit of insight into his future and given us healthy expectations for how to plan for his future., I'm in UK and when my daughter was diagnosed she wasn't given a level either. At first i was initially told that we would just receive a 'Yes' or a 'No' to an autism diagnosis, and when we finally received the report it stated that my daughter "meets the diagnostic criteria for an autism diagnosis". And that was it. , My sons psychologist suggested that levels don’t necessarily define well enough, since autism is a spectrum. a very wide spectrum that, with one child a level two or three diagnosis does not mean the same thing. also depending on how young the child is, may not even matter because their growth and skills change so frequently., I'm in Scotland and haven't been given levels either, I'm in Canada and my son's diagnosis was "high risk of moderate/severe autism", It's become more common to not give levels when diagnosing autism. And that has a lot to do with it being a spectrum. For instance someone could be non-verbal and need devices to assist with communication, some would consider this a high support need, but that person might excel in many other areas. We did get levels with my kiddos, but even my first who is considered level 1 needs a decent amount of support. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just met your kiddo where they are and get them whatever support they need., Service levels are deprecated because needs are not as simple as 1,2,3. But because they are easy for people to understand, they are still commonly used., I honestly wish my daughter who was interested three wasn't given a level. I get it's an insurance thing but all its done is made me spiral and it sounds like to can change a lot any way in someone so young. Anyway, everyone on here has told me not to focus on it top much. As long as your child can access all the services that are needed I wouldn't worry too much about a level., Switzerland does not use levels either., I'm in the US and wasn't given a 1,2,3 level, just a mild to moderate diagnosis for my little one who had just turned 2 at the time., I'm in the US and got a level. He's diagnosed at level 3, but they were erroring on the side of caution. The levels simply reflect how much help/therapies and accommodations he currently needs. Kids can go down in levels here too, so I don't think it's necessarily a firm thing or matters beyond therapies needed even here where they occasionally use levels., I’m in us and they never gave my child a level. It hasn’t mattered in anything service wise., Uk don't tend to give levels. Out diagnosis via the NHS was unusual as it did, but yet to meet any other families who also have. On our diagnosis, it listed needs as a final appendix. If you have the report already, you'll be able to read between lines. Also take into account that needs fluctuate and change over time., My daughter's psychologist gave her a level 1 but both her and my son's neurologist do not believe in levels. I usually use requires little support for my daughter, and requires significant support for my son., My son wasn't given a level until he was 5. A lot of people don't believe in levels, but since my son is severe (level 3 nonverbal), the level has helped with insurance coverage on a variety of things, it will help with obtaining guardianship of him when he's 18, etc. It's basically a nice way of saying my son is disabled by autism. That being said, it's also given us a bit of insight into his future and given us healthy expectations for how to plan for his future., I'm in UK and when my daughter was diagnosed she wasn't given a level either. At first i was initially told that we would just receive a 'Yes' or a 'No' to an autism diagnosis, and when we finally received the report it stated that my daughter "meets the diagnostic criteria for an autism diagnosis". And that was it. , My sons psychologist suggested that levels don’t necessarily define well enough, since autism is a spectrum. a very wide spectrum that, with one child a level two or three diagnosis does not mean the same thing. also depending on how young the child is, may not even matter because their growth and skills change so frequently., I'm in Scotland and haven't been given levels either, I'm in Canada and my son's diagnosis was "high risk of moderate/severe autism", It's become more common to not give levels when diagnosing autism. And that has a lot to do with it being a spectrum. For instance someone could be non-verbal and need devices to assist with communication, some would consider this a high support need, but that person might excel in many other areas. We did get levels with my kiddos, but even my first who is considered level 1 needs a decent amount of support. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just met your kiddo where they are and get them whatever support they need., Service levels are deprecated because needs are not as simple as 1,2,3. But because they are easy for people to understand, they are still commonly used., I honestly wish my daughter who was interested three wasn't given a level. I get it's an insurance thing but all its done is made me spiral and it sounds like to can change a lot any way in someone so young. Anyway, everyone on here has told me not to focus on it top much. As long as your child can access all the services that are needed I wouldn't worry too much about a level., Switzerland does not use levels either., I'm in the US and wasn't given a 1,2,3 level, just a mild to moderate diagnosis for my little one who had just turned 2 at the time., I'm in the US and got a level. He's diagnosed at level 3, but they were erroring on the side of caution. The levels simply reflect how much help/therapies and accommodations he currently needs. Kids can go down in levels here too, so I don't think it's necessarily a firm thing or matters beyond therapies needed even here where they occasionally use levels., I’m in us and they never gave my child a level. It hasn’t mattered in anything service wise., Uk don't tend to give levels. Out diagnosis via the NHS was unusual as it did, but yet to meet any other families who also have. On our diagnosis, it listed needs as a final appendix. If you have the report already, you'll be able to read between lines. Also take into account that needs fluctuate and change over time., My daughter's psychologist gave her a level 1 but both her and my son's neurologist do not believe in levels. I usually use requires little support for my daughter, and requires significant support for my son., My son wasn't given a level until he was 5. A lot of people don't believe in levels, but since my son is severe (level 3 nonverbal), the level has helped with insurance coverage on a variety of things, it will help with obtaining guardianship of him when he's 18, etc. It's basically a nice way of saying my son is disabled by autism. That being said, it's also given us a bit of insight into his future and given us healthy expectations for how to plan for his future., I'm in UK and when my daughter was diagnosed she wasn't given a level either. At first i was initially told that we would just receive a 'Yes' or a 'No' to an autism diagnosis, and when we finally received the report it stated that my daughter "meets the diagnostic criteria for an autism diagnosis". And that was it. , My sons psychologist suggested that levels don’t necessarily define well enough, since autism is a spectrum. a very wide spectrum that, with one child a level two or three diagnosis does not mean the same thing. also depending on how young the child is, may not even matter because their growth and skills change so frequently., I'm in Scotland and haven't been given levels either, I'm in Canada and my son's diagnosis was "high risk of moderate/severe autism", It's become more common to not give levels when diagnosing autism. And that has a lot to do with it being a spectrum. For instance someone could be non-verbal and need devices to assist with communication, some would consider this a high support need, but that person might excel in many other areas. We did get levels with my kiddos, but even my first who is considered level 1 needs a decent amount of support. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just met your kiddo where they are and get them whatever support they need., Service levels are deprecated because needs are not as simple as 1,2,3. But because they are easy for people to understand, they are still commonly used., I honestly wish my daughter who was interested three wasn't given a level. I get it's an insurance thing but all its done is made me spiral and it sounds like to can change a lot any way in someone so young. Anyway, everyone on here has told me not to focus on it top much. As long as your child can access all the services that are needed I wouldn't worry too much about a level., Switzerland does not use levels either., I'm in the US and wasn't given a 1,2,3 level, just a mild to moderate diagnosis for my little one who had just turned 2 at the time., I'm in the US and got a level. He's diagnosed at level 3, but they were erroring on the side of caution. The levels simply reflect how much help/therapies and accommodations he currently needs. Kids can go down in levels here too, so I don't think it's necessarily a firm thing or matters beyond therapies needed even here where they occasionally use levels.

Child left school. Can the school be held accountable?

Hi everyone! Almost a week ago, my 6 year old son walked out of school and was able to get 5 blocks away before another parent noticed him. He is safe now. I feel like the school district is not taking this seriously. Can they be held accountable for my son leaving the premises? Does anyone have any experience in this? I have called several lawyers and they said that because he wasn't injured , there's nothing I can do. Any advice is appreciated.

Seriously you should probably get a tracker on him (Angelsense or similar) - another recent poster here had a beautiful nonverbal 6yo daughter elope and drown. He needs a safety plan to prevent this from happening again - whatever was in place is clearly inadequate. It could be increased supervision, better fencing, etc. You may want to consider keeping him out of school until this is addressed for safety reasons., Sounds terrible. Glad it went ok. What do you mean by accountable? As in don't do it again? Apologise? Or suit them?, Absolutely they can be held accountable. They are liable for the child’s safety while in their care., This happened in my town with a child younger than 6. Initially the school didn't notify the parents until after the child was found a few blocks away. They tried to just send an incident report like you get if your child gets scraped on the playground and needs to see the nurse. It wasn't until this was shared on one of the local <TOWN> parents Facebook groups that there was a general outrage and the school informed all parents and then took steps to make sure it didn't happen again. If you are in connection with other families in your school, I would leverage that, it is too easy for the admin to write off one angry parent and a lawsuit consumes a lot of financial resources and guarantees a hostile relationship with the school system until your child is 18. Creating a general outrage and social pressure is something of a nice middle ground., Info: How old is your child? What's in their IEP? Where are you located? The advice you will get will likely be different if he's 4 y/o. Or if he's 18 y/o and he has an IEP that includes that he is only to be released to known adults (ie you're in the US). If he's 18 y/o with nothing in his IEP about transportation or attendance, then he's an adult and is allowed to drop out of school if he wants to., My 5 year old has "eloped" (escaped) at least 3 times in his first year (i suspect it's happened more often and we haven't been informed). He's never managed to get beyond a block of the school but he'll quite easily get into the school yard, which has open gates, so he could quite easily go further. First time we laughed it off as "oh he's a sneaky little monkey" but on the 3rd time, I met with the principal and asked WTF they are doing! She said that there are 20 kids in his group and 2 or 3 staff members, so it's hard to keep track of everyone (basically he outsmarted the adults and saw the chance and ran off). They are 100% responsible for the welfare of your child, during school hours. So you have every right to be angry and concerned about this. We informed the school board that this has happened and we are in communications with them regarding "appropriate support and resources" at the school. We thought about trackers and such but I've seen in the past (find my iphone or airtags) that they aren't 100% accurate and i think we;d worry too much if we checked and he wasn't "in" the school. Basically we told the staff they need to be accountable for his whereabouts, when he's in their care., Call the local news and tell them, I saw that you are in NYC. My child at that age was in NYC public school and an eloper. He got a 1:1 para added to his IEP for that reason. An advocate might be more useful than a lawyer in this case. I would also get an incident report from the school., Something similar happened to my son. He was in the parking lot unattended and I only heard about it after the fact from some parents who discussing it happened- they did not know it was my child (understandable given we did not know each other, the point is no one reported it to where I was notified). I had to piece it together based on the descriptions I was hearing. The school confirmed when I confronted them about it though. I went after them for a one on one person with my child. His iep was mistaken and had only 60 min of supervision per day assigned to my asd non verbal 6 year old. I emailed everyone and demanded meetings with supervisors, etc to demand they do something because it was unacceptable. They had two doors in the spec ed room that had to remain unlocked the whole time and no one was allowed to touch him. So of course he got away. They refused a one on one but they compromised eventually and assigned 3 specific educational assistants in the spec ed room to be trained on my child and they are the only ones (aside from the teacher who is also trained on my child) can be with him. No subs and if all of those people are out, they will call me and I will come get him. It has worked for this school year very well. And his iep is updated to state that he is to be supervised by one of those people (and they are not to be supervising any other children when they are with him) 100% of the day. It is very reasonable to expect them to keep track of your child. It’s part of FAPE and IDEA so they are obligated to do whatever they have to do to provide a fair and appropriate education. Which includes keeping him safe., Thats depends.  Does you son have a documented history of elopement or is this the first time he's done something like this? , Yes they are in the school custody and they are responsible for their safety., Absolutely, That was the first question when I was having interview at the school. Does not your school have a fence? Regards, Don’t call an injury lawyer, call a special education lawyer and call an IEP meeting. They absolutely should be taking this seriously., So in order for a lawsuit to even be heard by the court, you have to show you have damages. You have none here. Your child is uninjured. That's why all the legal professionals who know how this works have told you that you don't have a case., [deleted], I've used them. I'm currently using Anglesense. They don't work well. It's much better than nothing, but I keep trying to play hide and seek with my wife/kid and it takes forever to locate them; even worse indoors and never underwater (like in an aquarium) or places with heavy walls. I'm definitely not against using them, but make sure you practice with them a lot to know their limits and how to use them. In the end we are in the process of getting a Service Dog with tracking training. As for school, we have it in his IEP that he elopes and could be a danger to himself (and a few other scholastic things) and that he must have a 1-on-1 aid. They will fight you, but if you have demonstrated incidents of him being a danger to himself as a result of eloping, like this last event, than you can insist on it. If they pressure you, get a lawyer who knows how to manage disability cases and poke them hard. Your child has a right to a safe and free education that must be offered in the least restrictive way (ie, they cannot solve this by locking him in a room with a tablet)., We have been looking into AngelSense. Our district has a program where they provide trackers to special needs children and adults too. We have been sending him back but call for updates on the hour. My thoughts and prayers go out to that family. That's heartbreaking., Apologize and make changes. I would like security alarms installed on the doors. Or maybe some monitoring the surveillance cameras they continually boast about. I feel like they are arrogant and want me to "be happy he was found safe". I am happy he was found safe...I just never want another parent to experience this. This incident was preventable. And the school district is treating this as a joke. What makes it worse is my son is Autistic and non verbal., Apologize and make changes. Some years ago my daughter suddenly turned up at home in the middle of the day. It was the first week of the semester they had gone back to school full time after the pandemic. Before that she had been doing half days. One day she just walked home instead of going to lunch. Said she forgot. I went back to the school and absolutely lost it at them. Their excuse was that the 10th-12th grades could leave for lunch, so no one noticed another kid going out. My daughter was 12, in 7th grade then. Looked nothing like an upperclassman. They ended up assigning someone at the door to check IDs after that., Good idea! Didn't think of that! The parent that found him was outraged and is extremely helpful. My thoughts are with that parent....I know how she felt and it is insane how the schools are handling these things., He is 6 years old. I am located in NYC. Eloping is new for him and it is not included in his IEP., Thank you!!!!, Thanks for commenting. That makes sense. I've always seen people sue for emotional damage and I thought that would be the case. I am afraid to let my child out of my sight...he isn't sleeping well...hardly eating...it's affected him. I just want the school to make changes ..consider all of the families....they had other children looking for him. I want change., The kid is six. There is a risk of any six year old eloping. And, if it is public school, they can't kick him out just like that, especially since keeping an eye on him is an easy accommodation. Hell, it doesn't even rise to the level of an accommodation for me. They should be doing it for all kids that young., Hoping this is the dumbest shit I read today, This is great advice about requesting to amend the IEP to get a 1:1 para for the eloping and you don’t have to wait for annual review, the district has to hold a PPT asap at parent request, I think within 10 days? Not exactly sure but in a timely manner. As far as piece of mind, another option could be (if you have iPhone) an AirTag, they are only around 29$ I believe, attached to a key ring or flexible wristband to wear on ankle or belt loop, etc. You can set up an alert anytime the AirTag device sharing your location separates from you or add trusted locations (as in the school) where you won’t get an alert unless they leave that location., Thank you! This was extremely helpful. I saw the reviews on AngelSense and this comment confirms my suspicions. We also looked at T-Mobile...they have a watch...he has sensory issues so it may not work but I am trying any and everything at this point. I didn't jump on AngelSense because the price points were confusing. If you do decide to get the service dog, could you post on here your experience with the process and the outcome?, We don't have an eloper, but we printed business cards with a photo of our kid, our contact info, relevant info about allergies, etc. We tuck them into every pocket and backpack, in case we were somehow separated or in case an item gets left behind. We live urban, so we take the train and are at busy museums / parks / etc almost daily. I also think it's an additional insurance policy in case I or my husband were in public alone with our kiddo and had a medical emergency etc., Absolutely they should be held accountable. I would raised hell and gone above their level to the school district and state dept if they try to sweep this under the rug. If they don't respond properly, I would called the police and news people and escalated it up. This is a safety issue that is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY during school hours. Angel sense would help you feel better, but ultimately, it is unrealistic to be required to worry about your child's safety the entire time he is enrolled in school. Plus, how many other kids who have disabilities go to that school? They should be making adjustments, accomodations, and fixing the problem with their building, their protocol, etc as soon as possible. How many of these incidents will they have to figure it out? A dangerous one? One that the outcome wasn't with the kid being found? In my kid's school district, the moment a kid is missing, not only does the school scramble to find the kid, they also call the police department and cover all the bases. If someone is at fault, they get arrested and investigated. A lost kid, an eloped kid- if it happened at school, it's the school that needs to address it and take responsibility to prevent such a similar incident in the future., A 1v1 aide would likely be a better idea, as he's demonstrated he needs supervision beyond what the teachers can provide right now. Alarms either depend on a specific person being present (they won't have a person specifically monitoring the alarms, so it'd be a teacher/other staff member who can get sick) or would be loud for everyone to hear. Loud alarms in special education settings tend to suck, because many autistic students cannot handle them without meltdowns and people tend to forget to disable or enable them again when they do need to go through. That creates false security, and there still needs to be someone checking on the alarms - if they don't have enough staff to supervise all the children, that can be difficult without putting anyone else in danger. Admin tends to assume tools like this make up for less staff and don't mind pulling staff from those classrooms whenever they need them elsewhere - not the intended or right effect, but unfortunately likely and something that'd keep your son less safe, not more. What seems to be the issue here is that your son left the classroom and school without anyone noticing. That suggest the classroom isn't adequatly staffed to supervise all students to the amount they require. Having another person to supervise your son would solve that issue and hopefully keep him safe, and eloping is a behavior that shows he needs this close supervision., The school district here did not take accountability or apologize but they did make changes to stop it from happening again. I shared the whole story in a different comment. It is tempting to try and force someone to apologize when you both know they did wrong but progress is better than apologies so try to focus on that. They will probably never apologize. :/, Oh and this school has cameras as well but they refuse to aim them at the spec ed room. They also refused to put alarms on the doors or block the doors., I told them though (with my fierce mom voice and look) that I wanna know exactly which singular person will be to blame if he gets out again. They didnt like that. But here we are- if my kid gets out, I will know exactly who fucked up and I will have a serious talk with them. And the police. And I will seek child endangerment charges. If you can’t blame one person, then it’s harder to know who to go after., Because of the severity of eloping, I would call for an emergency IEP meeting (it’s your right to do so). In that meeting you can discuss measure they need to take to help., At 6 y/o, I wouldn't expect that this needs to be included in the IEP. Most schools wouldn't allow ANY 6 y/o to leave school alone etc etc. I don't know what I would do exactly, but I'd be full Mama Bear / Karen. Like, meeting with the superintendent and wanting to fully understand what procedures failed so that it never happens again. The outcome that I would want is that it doesn't happen in future to your child or anyone else's child, so I'd try to figure out how to best achieve that outcome. I don't know that a lawsuit is the most direct way to do that, but I'm not a lawyer. I'm so sorry that happened to you., >Thank you!!!! You're welcome!, This is heartbreaking. I know you said the school district did not take you seriously, was it the principal or was it on the superintendent level? I would definitely request a meeting immediately and escalate from there, you should not have to worry about your child’s safety when they are at school. My son is also nonverbal, 5 yrs old, and when he first started his new school he was wandering around after drop off, not leaving the building, but they couldn’t get him to enter the classroom. And physically they were not allowed to pick him up and bring him(as obviously a parent would). When I learned of this my immediate concern was him exiting the building and staff not being allowed to pick him up or stop him. I had a long discussion with the principal who assured me he was 100% of the time with a staff member and if he ever tried to leave they would in fact do anything including physically pick him up to stop him from imminent danger. It helped elevate my stress, as his school is off of a very busy street and little feet can move very quickly and he lacks any sense of danger. It’s so hard to trust another to have the same watchful eye as a parent would, or trust they would go to the extremes a parent would to prevent their child from getting hurt. Communication is so important and making your concerns heard and addressed is super important. You need to be secure in your child’s safety at all times, any good school administrator should be doing their due diligence to ease your mind when it comes to safety, if not I wouldn’t allow my child to attend unless I felt 1000% sure of that., There's actually no such tort as "emotional damage." There's intentional infliction of emotional distress, but it's very hard to prove and very hard to win, and the key word in there is *intentional*. I understand this is upsetting but the school's negligence in this case didn't case any damage that would be worthy of litigation. There's nothing to quantify here based on poor sleep and not eating as much. Also, a jury won't buy that walking a few blocks from the school caused actual damage to the kid's psyche. (Honestly, not to be rude, but I don't buy it either - I suspect his distress is coming more from the way you reacted to the incident). I don't like being a Debbie Downer, but unless the school is completely locked up in every way, there's always the possibility of a child getting out. It's a school not a prison. Unless the changes the school makes are having an adult literally tethered to your son, or having your son locked away all day, there's always the chance this could happen., [deleted], The 1:1 aide is a perfect idea. He's very clearly demonstrated that he *needs* that to stay safe. Age six is *really* young to wander off campus and five blocks away. I'd be stressed, for sure!, We are in the process for a dog and have our class, just waiting for the date (sometime between now and this time next year depending on how the dog trainees make it or washout). We chose 4Paws for Ability in Ohio. The process was a real drama. 4Paws was the only place that was friendly and helpful. Most places are just starting to figure out what to use a SD for with autism. One thing to know is that the word "elopement" will disqualify you just about everywhere because they all think the kid will just bolt and drag the dog around (dog safety issue). The best place to use (free services that are internationally certified) is really designed for other disabilities, so they were most hostile when dealing with us. They made their decisions without really getting to know us or our needs. You need to figure out what kinds of behaviors you need the dog to know. We NEEDED tracking and 4 paws was one of the few that does this. The 'free' places don't do tracking or elopement issues. The wait list for 4PAws is very long (about 2 years) and doesn't start until you come up with your portion of the training funds. They will give you guidance to setup fund raisers. The real scare is, with 4 Paws, you donate $20k, meaning it is non-refundable. According to them, you are paying it forward. To offset the fears, everyone I talk to that has a 4PAws dog absolutely loves the dog and 4Paws. I'm still very nervous something will get buggered up, but it could easily be my own PTSD screaming at me. Happy to tell you more if you have any more specific questions. Feel free to PM me. Also checkout the Service Dog Reddits and ask for opinions from people with SDs for autism. Also, my kid doesn't' have seizures, but a friend's kid does. Her 4Paws dog alerts to the seizures days early; she said at first it was within an hour, but the dog just got better and better. I'd have done this years ago, but the COVID delayed me. Outside of the medical and safety issues, I can really see the dog becoming a bridge for my son to develop socially. We're really excited!, Note— I have heard of sewing tiny pockets into the back/side of the child’s clothes (pants) that the tracker slips into (tiny square of jersey knit the you have sewn on 3 and 1/4 sides.) we do this on my son’s most precious object (which is constantly lost)., I love that!! I am going to use that. Thank you!!!, Thank you for commenting! Your school district sounds amazing. A parent found my child and immediately called the cops. I just want procedures in place so this never happens again. A child should not have to be critically injured for a change to be made. I agree with your sentiments!, Yeah, I would tell the other parents too. Even if I were the mom of a neurotypical kid, I would be gravely concerned that the supervision of the six year olds was so poor that one could get that far away and not be noticed. Kindergartners have to be watched, regardless if they are NT or ND., Particularly since her child is nonverbal it is reasonable to assume that his supervision needs are closer to those of a toddler than a typically developing 6yo., I took “included in the IEP” to mean the issue of elopement needing to be watched for and addressed, with a plan in place to prevent it, not that it would ever be acceptable for a child to walk away from school., This response is so negative and dismissing of the reality of the situation. Her child could have been injured or hit by a vehicle or taken by a stranger, Anything! Thankfully that was not the case, the outcome could have been far worse. She has every right to hold the school system accountable for their actions that led to her child to being in danger, intentional or not. The fact of the matter was it was PREVENTABLE, and had the shoe been on the other foot and it happened on her watch it would have absolutely been considered child neglect. Someone or multiple people should most definitely have to be held accountable and answer for the circumstances that led to the child leaving the building with no one aware. And dismissing the emotional distress of her child as having been caused by her own actions is a reach. To say the least. No. Absolutely not. Being nonverbal and unaware of the dangers he more likely than not was unaccustomed to being alone and not understanding of the new situation he had gotten into once he suddenly realized he was alone and none of his trusted familiar adults were around. How scary! This absolutely could have been avoided, a trusted adult absolutely should have had a watchful eye on her child the whole school day, especially assuming this is in the middle of the school yr and administration should already be very much aware of the ins and outs of the child’s abilities, behaviors and needs. Yes, a school is not a prison, neither is a home, but locks or alarms are never to take the place of actual supervision. They are deterrents, not babysitters., Are you at all familiar with IDEA? Particularly when the kid is nonverbal and presumably can't be expected to function at the level of a typical 6yo?, That's a good idea! Going to try that., You can call an IEP meeting right away to address this issue. The moment you call to attention something that affects your child's safety and progress at school in an IEP meeting, they are legally bound to address it., I'm not saying it *shouldn't* be included in an IEP etc. I guess I just meant that it shouldn't be necessary. If any 6 y/o decided that they wanted to "run away" during school, then multiple checks and balances should already be in place to prevent that from ever happening. The school isn't failing just neurodivergent children, but is failing all children, because this happened., I don't think you read the OP's original post. She asked about suing the school district. She doesn't have damages so she doesn't have a case. **I was pointing out the reality of how the law works for something like this.** If you find the law on such things negative and dismissive, then write your lawmakers. Also the level of distress even an autistic child would experience from wandering five blocks from his school with no harm done to him would never rise to the level of being actionable. Yes, the school messed up, but the reality is that it only takes about a minute for a kid to elope. Any adult can get distracted for a minute. Case in point, parents experience this all the time. So OP can demand all kinds of things from the school, but this could happen again. That's why so many people here recommended a tracking device., I think most folks that are based in the US on this sub would be familiar. OP didn't give relevant info initially -- age of child or location. No idea what the expectation is for older children that live outside of the US, for example., Maybe I misunderstood the intent of OP’s post, but from what I read it seemed to me like she was more so upset with the failure of the school district to make changes to prevent this from happening in the future, and due to their failure to take the situation seriously referenced a lawyer to press the issue. I didn’t assume she meant to sue the school district, tho that may have been the case but wasn’t explicitly referenced in her post. It was the tone of your response I found negative and dismissive, frankly offensive to a topic I completely resonate with. Whatever the law may be, it seemed she was looking for an outside source to advocate on her behalf. And commenting that the parent who was concerned for her child’s emotional distress to this incident is to blame for their reaction to me seemed unhelpful. That’s my opinion. I agreed with the tracking device suggestions, but again although a child can elope quickly and that can happen to anyone, they did not notice for an unacceptable amount of time. Which is neglect on their part. Period., Seriously you should probably get a tracker on him (Angelsense or similar) - another recent poster here had a beautiful nonverbal 6yo daughter elope and drown. He needs a safety plan to prevent this from happening again - whatever was in place is clearly inadequate. It could be increased supervision, better fencing, etc. You may want to consider keeping him out of school until this is addressed for safety reasons., Sounds terrible. Glad it went ok. What do you mean by accountable? As in don't do it again? Apologise? Or suit them?, Absolutely they can be held accountable. They are liable for the child’s safety while in their care., This happened in my town with a child younger than 6. Initially the school didn't notify the parents until after the child was found a few blocks away. They tried to just send an incident report like you get if your child gets scraped on the playground and needs to see the nurse. It wasn't until this was shared on one of the local <TOWN> parents Facebook groups that there was a general outrage and the school informed all parents and then took steps to make sure it didn't happen again. If you are in connection with other families in your school, I would leverage that, it is too easy for the admin to write off one angry parent and a lawsuit consumes a lot of financial resources and guarantees a hostile relationship with the school system until your child is 18. Creating a general outrage and social pressure is something of a nice middle ground., Info: How old is your child? What's in their IEP? Where are you located? The advice you will get will likely be different if he's 4 y/o. Or if he's 18 y/o and he has an IEP that includes that he is only to be released to known adults (ie you're in the US). If he's 18 y/o with nothing in his IEP about transportation or attendance, then he's an adult and is allowed to drop out of school if he wants to., My 5 year old has "eloped" (escaped) at least 3 times in his first year (i suspect it's happened more often and we haven't been informed). He's never managed to get beyond a block of the school but he'll quite easily get into the school yard, which has open gates, so he could quite easily go further. First time we laughed it off as "oh he's a sneaky little monkey" but on the 3rd time, I met with the principal and asked WTF they are doing! She said that there are 20 kids in his group and 2 or 3 staff members, so it's hard to keep track of everyone (basically he outsmarted the adults and saw the chance and ran off). They are 100% responsible for the welfare of your child, during school hours. So you have every right to be angry and concerned about this. We informed the school board that this has happened and we are in communications with them regarding "appropriate support and resources" at the school. We thought about trackers and such but I've seen in the past (find my iphone or airtags) that they aren't 100% accurate and i think we;d worry too much if we checked and he wasn't "in" the school. Basically we told the staff they need to be accountable for his whereabouts, when he's in their care., Call the local news and tell them, I saw that you are in NYC. My child at that age was in NYC public school and an eloper. He got a 1:1 para added to his IEP for that reason. An advocate might be more useful than a lawyer in this case. I would also get an incident report from the school., Something similar happened to my son. He was in the parking lot unattended and I only heard about it after the fact from some parents who discussing it happened- they did not know it was my child (understandable given we did not know each other, the point is no one reported it to where I was notified). I had to piece it together based on the descriptions I was hearing. The school confirmed when I confronted them about it though. I went after them for a one on one person with my child. His iep was mistaken and had only 60 min of supervision per day assigned to my asd non verbal 6 year old. I emailed everyone and demanded meetings with supervisors, etc to demand they do something because it was unacceptable. They had two doors in the spec ed room that had to remain unlocked the whole time and no one was allowed to touch him. So of course he got away. They refused a one on one but they compromised eventually and assigned 3 specific educational assistants in the spec ed room to be trained on my child and they are the only ones (aside from the teacher who is also trained on my child) can be with him. No subs and if all of those people are out, they will call me and I will come get him. It has worked for this school year very well. And his iep is updated to state that he is to be supervised by one of those people (and they are not to be supervising any other children when they are with him) 100% of the day. It is very reasonable to expect them to keep track of your child. It’s part of FAPE and IDEA so they are obligated to do whatever they have to do to provide a fair and appropriate education. Which includes keeping him safe., Thats depends.  Does you son have a documented history of elopement or is this the first time he's done something like this? , Yes they are in the school custody and they are responsible for their safety., Absolutely, That was the first question when I was having interview at the school. Does not your school have a fence? Regards, Don’t call an injury lawyer, call a special education lawyer and call an IEP meeting. They absolutely should be taking this seriously., So in order for a lawsuit to even be heard by the court, you have to show you have damages. You have none here. Your child is uninjured. That's why all the legal professionals who know how this works have told you that you don't have a case., [deleted], I've used them. I'm currently using Anglesense. They don't work well. It's much better than nothing, but I keep trying to play hide and seek with my wife/kid and it takes forever to locate them; even worse indoors and never underwater (like in an aquarium) or places with heavy walls. I'm definitely not against using them, but make sure you practice with them a lot to know their limits and how to use them. In the end we are in the process of getting a Service Dog with tracking training. As for school, we have it in his IEP that he elopes and could be a danger to himself (and a few other scholastic things) and that he must have a 1-on-1 aid. They will fight you, but if you have demonstrated incidents of him being a danger to himself as a result of eloping, like this last event, than you can insist on it. If they pressure you, get a lawyer who knows how to manage disability cases and poke them hard. Your child has a right to a safe and free education that must be offered in the least restrictive way (ie, they cannot solve this by locking him in a room with a tablet)., We have been looking into AngelSense. Our district has a program where they provide trackers to special needs children and adults too. We have been sending him back but call for updates on the hour. My thoughts and prayers go out to that family. That's heartbreaking., Apologize and make changes. I would like security alarms installed on the doors. Or maybe some monitoring the surveillance cameras they continually boast about. I feel like they are arrogant and want me to "be happy he was found safe". I am happy he was found safe...I just never want another parent to experience this. This incident was preventable. And the school district is treating this as a joke. What makes it worse is my son is Autistic and non verbal., Apologize and make changes. Some years ago my daughter suddenly turned up at home in the middle of the day. It was the first week of the semester they had gone back to school full time after the pandemic. Before that she had been doing half days. One day she just walked home instead of going to lunch. Said she forgot. I went back to the school and absolutely lost it at them. Their excuse was that the 10th-12th grades could leave for lunch, so no one noticed another kid going out. My daughter was 12, in 7th grade then. Looked nothing like an upperclassman. They ended up assigning someone at the door to check IDs after that., Good idea! Didn't think of that! The parent that found him was outraged and is extremely helpful. My thoughts are with that parent....I know how she felt and it is insane how the schools are handling these things., He is 6 years old. I am located in NYC. Eloping is new for him and it is not included in his IEP., Thank you!!!!, Thanks for commenting. That makes sense. I've always seen people sue for emotional damage and I thought that would be the case. I am afraid to let my child out of my sight...he isn't sleeping well...hardly eating...it's affected him. I just want the school to make changes ..consider all of the families....they had other children looking for him. I want change., The kid is six. There is a risk of any six year old eloping. And, if it is public school, they can't kick him out just like that, especially since keeping an eye on him is an easy accommodation. Hell, it doesn't even rise to the level of an accommodation for me. They should be doing it for all kids that young., Hoping this is the dumbest shit I read today, This is great advice about requesting to amend the IEP to get a 1:1 para for the eloping and you don’t have to wait for annual review, the district has to hold a PPT asap at parent request, I think within 10 days? Not exactly sure but in a timely manner. As far as piece of mind, another option could be (if you have iPhone) an AirTag, they are only around 29$ I believe, attached to a key ring or flexible wristband to wear on ankle or belt loop, etc. You can set up an alert anytime the AirTag device sharing your location separates from you or add trusted locations (as in the school) where you won’t get an alert unless they leave that location., Thank you! This was extremely helpful. I saw the reviews on AngelSense and this comment confirms my suspicions. We also looked at T-Mobile...they have a watch...he has sensory issues so it may not work but I am trying any and everything at this point. I didn't jump on AngelSense because the price points were confusing. If you do decide to get the service dog, could you post on here your experience with the process and the outcome?, We don't have an eloper, but we printed business cards with a photo of our kid, our contact info, relevant info about allergies, etc. We tuck them into every pocket and backpack, in case we were somehow separated or in case an item gets left behind. We live urban, so we take the train and are at busy museums / parks / etc almost daily. I also think it's an additional insurance policy in case I or my husband were in public alone with our kiddo and had a medical emergency etc., Absolutely they should be held accountable. I would raised hell and gone above their level to the school district and state dept if they try to sweep this under the rug. If they don't respond properly, I would called the police and news people and escalated it up. This is a safety issue that is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY during school hours. Angel sense would help you feel better, but ultimately, it is unrealistic to be required to worry about your child's safety the entire time he is enrolled in school. Plus, how many other kids who have disabilities go to that school? They should be making adjustments, accomodations, and fixing the problem with their building, their protocol, etc as soon as possible. How many of these incidents will they have to figure it out? A dangerous one? One that the outcome wasn't with the kid being found? In my kid's school district, the moment a kid is missing, not only does the school scramble to find the kid, they also call the police department and cover all the bases. If someone is at fault, they get arrested and investigated. A lost kid, an eloped kid- if it happened at school, it's the school that needs to address it and take responsibility to prevent such a similar incident in the future., A 1v1 aide would likely be a better idea, as he's demonstrated he needs supervision beyond what the teachers can provide right now. Alarms either depend on a specific person being present (they won't have a person specifically monitoring the alarms, so it'd be a teacher/other staff member who can get sick) or would be loud for everyone to hear. Loud alarms in special education settings tend to suck, because many autistic students cannot handle them without meltdowns and people tend to forget to disable or enable them again when they do need to go through. That creates false security, and there still needs to be someone checking on the alarms - if they don't have enough staff to supervise all the children, that can be difficult without putting anyone else in danger. Admin tends to assume tools like this make up for less staff and don't mind pulling staff from those classrooms whenever they need them elsewhere - not the intended or right effect, but unfortunately likely and something that'd keep your son less safe, not more. What seems to be the issue here is that your son left the classroom and school without anyone noticing. That suggest the classroom isn't adequatly staffed to supervise all students to the amount they require. Having another person to supervise your son would solve that issue and hopefully keep him safe, and eloping is a behavior that shows he needs this close supervision., The school district here did not take accountability or apologize but they did make changes to stop it from happening again. I shared the whole story in a different comment. It is tempting to try and force someone to apologize when you both know they did wrong but progress is better than apologies so try to focus on that. They will probably never apologize. :/, Oh and this school has cameras as well but they refuse to aim them at the spec ed room. They also refused to put alarms on the doors or block the doors., I told them though (with my fierce mom voice and look) that I wanna know exactly which singular person will be to blame if he gets out again. They didnt like that. But here we are- if my kid gets out, I will know exactly who fucked up and I will have a serious talk with them. And the police. And I will seek child endangerment charges. If you can’t blame one person, then it’s harder to know who to go after., Because of the severity of eloping, I would call for an emergency IEP meeting (it’s your right to do so). In that meeting you can discuss measure they need to take to help., At 6 y/o, I wouldn't expect that this needs to be included in the IEP. Most schools wouldn't allow ANY 6 y/o to leave school alone etc etc. I don't know what I would do exactly, but I'd be full Mama Bear / Karen. Like, meeting with the superintendent and wanting to fully understand what procedures failed so that it never happens again. The outcome that I would want is that it doesn't happen in future to your child or anyone else's child, so I'd try to figure out how to best achieve that outcome. I don't know that a lawsuit is the most direct way to do that, but I'm not a lawyer. I'm so sorry that happened to you., >Thank you!!!! You're welcome!, This is heartbreaking. I know you said the school district did not take you seriously, was it the principal or was it on the superintendent level? I would definitely request a meeting immediately and escalate from there, you should not have to worry about your child’s safety when they are at school. My son is also nonverbal, 5 yrs old, and when he first started his new school he was wandering around after drop off, not leaving the building, but they couldn’t get him to enter the classroom. And physically they were not allowed to pick him up and bring him(as obviously a parent would). When I learned of this my immediate concern was him exiting the building and staff not being allowed to pick him up or stop him. I had a long discussion with the principal who assured me he was 100% of the time with a staff member and if he ever tried to leave they would in fact do anything including physically pick him up to stop him from imminent danger. It helped elevate my stress, as his school is off of a very busy street and little feet can move very quickly and he lacks any sense of danger. It’s so hard to trust another to have the same watchful eye as a parent would, or trust they would go to the extremes a parent would to prevent their child from getting hurt. Communication is so important and making your concerns heard and addressed is super important. You need to be secure in your child’s safety at all times, any good school administrator should be doing their due diligence to ease your mind when it comes to safety, if not I wouldn’t allow my child to attend unless I felt 1000% sure of that., There's actually no such tort as "emotional damage." There's intentional infliction of emotional distress, but it's very hard to prove and very hard to win, and the key word in there is *intentional*. I understand this is upsetting but the school's negligence in this case didn't case any damage that would be worthy of litigation. There's nothing to quantify here based on poor sleep and not eating as much. Also, a jury won't buy that walking a few blocks from the school caused actual damage to the kid's psyche. (Honestly, not to be rude, but I don't buy it either - I suspect his distress is coming more from the way you reacted to the incident). I don't like being a Debbie Downer, but unless the school is completely locked up in every way, there's always the possibility of a child getting out. It's a school not a prison. Unless the changes the school makes are having an adult literally tethered to your son, or having your son locked away all day, there's always the chance this could happen., [deleted], The 1:1 aide is a perfect idea. He's very clearly demonstrated that he *needs* that to stay safe. Age six is *really* young to wander off campus and five blocks away. I'd be stressed, for sure!, We are in the process for a dog and have our class, just waiting for the date (sometime between now and this time next year depending on how the dog trainees make it or washout). We chose 4Paws for Ability in Ohio. The process was a real drama. 4Paws was the only place that was friendly and helpful. Most places are just starting to figure out what to use a SD for with autism. One thing to know is that the word "elopement" will disqualify you just about everywhere because they all think the kid will just bolt and drag the dog around (dog safety issue). The best place to use (free services that are internationally certified) is really designed for other disabilities, so they were most hostile when dealing with us. They made their decisions without really getting to know us or our needs. You need to figure out what kinds of behaviors you need the dog to know. We NEEDED tracking and 4 paws was one of the few that does this. The 'free' places don't do tracking or elopement issues. The wait list for 4PAws is very long (about 2 years) and doesn't start until you come up with your portion of the training funds. They will give you guidance to setup fund raisers. The real scare is, with 4 Paws, you donate $20k, meaning it is non-refundable. According to them, you are paying it forward. To offset the fears, everyone I talk to that has a 4PAws dog absolutely loves the dog and 4Paws. I'm still very nervous something will get buggered up, but it could easily be my own PTSD screaming at me. Happy to tell you more if you have any more specific questions. Feel free to PM me. Also checkout the Service Dog Reddits and ask for opinions from people with SDs for autism. Also, my kid doesn't' have seizures, but a friend's kid does. Her 4Paws dog alerts to the seizures days early; she said at first it was within an hour, but the dog just got better and better. I'd have done this years ago, but the COVID delayed me. Outside of the medical and safety issues, I can really see the dog becoming a bridge for my son to develop socially. We're really excited!, Note— I have heard of sewing tiny pockets into the back/side of the child’s clothes (pants) that the tracker slips into (tiny square of jersey knit the you have sewn on 3 and 1/4 sides.) we do this on my son’s most precious object (which is constantly lost)., I love that!! I am going to use that. Thank you!!!, Thank you for commenting! Your school district sounds amazing. A parent found my child and immediately called the cops. I just want procedures in place so this never happens again. A child should not have to be critically injured for a change to be made. I agree with your sentiments!, Yeah, I would tell the other parents too. Even if I were the mom of a neurotypical kid, I would be gravely concerned that the supervision of the six year olds was so poor that one could get that far away and not be noticed. Kindergartners have to be watched, regardless if they are NT or ND., Particularly since her child is nonverbal it is reasonable to assume that his supervision needs are closer to those of a toddler than a typically developing 6yo., I took “included in the IEP” to mean the issue of elopement needing to be watched for and addressed, with a plan in place to prevent it, not that it would ever be acceptable for a child to walk away from school., This response is so negative and dismissing of the reality of the situation. Her child could have been injured or hit by a vehicle or taken by a stranger, Anything! Thankfully that was not the case, the outcome could have been far worse. She has every right to hold the school system accountable for their actions that led to her child to being in danger, intentional or not. The fact of the matter was it was PREVENTABLE, and had the shoe been on the other foot and it happened on her watch it would have absolutely been considered child neglect. Someone or multiple people should most definitely have to be held accountable and answer for the circumstances that led to the child leaving the building with no one aware. And dismissing the emotional distress of her child as having been caused by her own actions is a reach. To say the least. No. Absolutely not. Being nonverbal and unaware of the dangers he more likely than not was unaccustomed to being alone and not understanding of the new situation he had gotten into once he suddenly realized he was alone and none of his trusted familiar adults were around. How scary! This absolutely could have been avoided, a trusted adult absolutely should have had a watchful eye on her child the whole school day, especially assuming this is in the middle of the school yr and administration should already be very much aware of the ins and outs of the child’s abilities, behaviors and needs. Yes, a school is not a prison, neither is a home, but locks or alarms are never to take the place of actual supervision. They are deterrents, not babysitters., Are you at all familiar with IDEA? Particularly when the kid is nonverbal and presumably can't be expected to function at the level of a typical 6yo?, That's a good idea! Going to try that., You can call an IEP meeting right away to address this issue. The moment you call to attention something that affects your child's safety and progress at school in an IEP meeting, they are legally bound to address it., I'm not saying it *shouldn't* be included in an IEP etc. I guess I just meant that it shouldn't be necessary. If any 6 y/o decided that they wanted to "run away" during school, then multiple checks and balances should already be in place to prevent that from ever happening. The school isn't failing just neurodivergent children, but is failing all children, because this happened., I don't think you read the OP's original post. She asked about suing the school district. She doesn't have damages so she doesn't have a case. **I was pointing out the reality of how the law works for something like this.** If you find the law on such things negative and dismissive, then write your lawmakers. Also the level of distress even an autistic child would experience from wandering five blocks from his school with no harm done to him would never rise to the level of being actionable. Yes, the school messed up, but the reality is that it only takes about a minute for a kid to elope. Any adult can get distracted for a minute. Case in point, parents experience this all the time. So OP can demand all kinds of things from the school, but this could happen again. That's why so many people here recommended a tracking device., I think most folks that are based in the US on this sub would be familiar. OP didn't give relevant info initially -- age of child or location. No idea what the expectation is for older children that live outside of the US, for example., Maybe I misunderstood the intent of OP’s post, but from what I read it seemed to me like she was more so upset with the failure of the school district to make changes to prevent this from happening in the future, and due to their failure to take the situation seriously referenced a lawyer to press the issue. I didn’t assume she meant to sue the school district, tho that may have been the case but wasn’t explicitly referenced in her post. It was the tone of your response I found negative and dismissive, frankly offensive to a topic I completely resonate with. Whatever the law may be, it seemed she was looking for an outside source to advocate on her behalf. And commenting that the parent who was concerned for her child’s emotional distress to this incident is to blame for their reaction to me seemed unhelpful. That’s my opinion. I agreed with the tracking device suggestions, but again although a child can elope quickly and that can happen to anyone, they did not notice for an unacceptable amount of time. Which is neglect on their part. Period., Seriously you should probably get a tracker on him (Angelsense or similar) - another recent poster here had a beautiful nonverbal 6yo daughter elope and drown. He needs a safety plan to prevent this from happening again - whatever was in place is clearly inadequate. It could be increased supervision, better fencing, etc. You may want to consider keeping him out of school until this is addressed for safety reasons., Sounds terrible. Glad it went ok. What do you mean by accountable? As in don't do it again? Apologise? Or suit them?, Absolutely they can be held accountable. They are liable for the child’s safety while in their care., This happened in my town with a child younger than 6. Initially the school didn't notify the parents until after the child was found a few blocks away. They tried to just send an incident report like you get if your child gets scraped on the playground and needs to see the nurse. It wasn't until this was shared on one of the local <TOWN> parents Facebook groups that there was a general outrage and the school informed all parents and then took steps to make sure it didn't happen again. If you are in connection with other families in your school, I would leverage that, it is too easy for the admin to write off one angry parent and a lawsuit consumes a lot of financial resources and guarantees a hostile relationship with the school system until your child is 18. Creating a general outrage and social pressure is something of a nice middle ground., Info: How old is your child? What's in their IEP? Where are you located? The advice you will get will likely be different if he's 4 y/o. Or if he's 18 y/o and he has an IEP that includes that he is only to be released to known adults (ie you're in the US). If he's 18 y/o with nothing in his IEP about transportation or attendance, then he's an adult and is allowed to drop out of school if he wants to., My 5 year old has "eloped" (escaped) at least 3 times in his first year (i suspect it's happened more often and we haven't been informed). He's never managed to get beyond a block of the school but he'll quite easily get into the school yard, which has open gates, so he could quite easily go further. First time we laughed it off as "oh he's a sneaky little monkey" but on the 3rd time, I met with the principal and asked WTF they are doing! She said that there are 20 kids in his group and 2 or 3 staff members, so it's hard to keep track of everyone (basically he outsmarted the adults and saw the chance and ran off). They are 100% responsible for the welfare of your child, during school hours. So you have every right to be angry and concerned about this. We informed the school board that this has happened and we are in communications with them regarding "appropriate support and resources" at the school. We thought about trackers and such but I've seen in the past (find my iphone or airtags) that they aren't 100% accurate and i think we;d worry too much if we checked and he wasn't "in" the school. Basically we told the staff they need to be accountable for his whereabouts, when he's in their care., Call the local news and tell them, I saw that you are in NYC. My child at that age was in NYC public school and an eloper. He got a 1:1 para added to his IEP for that reason. An advocate might be more useful than a lawyer in this case. I would also get an incident report from the school., Something similar happened to my son. He was in the parking lot unattended and I only heard about it after the fact from some parents who discussing it happened- they did not know it was my child (understandable given we did not know each other, the point is no one reported it to where I was notified). I had to piece it together based on the descriptions I was hearing. The school confirmed when I confronted them about it though. I went after them for a one on one person with my child. His iep was mistaken and had only 60 min of supervision per day assigned to my asd non verbal 6 year old. I emailed everyone and demanded meetings with supervisors, etc to demand they do something because it was unacceptable. They had two doors in the spec ed room that had to remain unlocked the whole time and no one was allowed to touch him. So of course he got away. They refused a one on one but they compromised eventually and assigned 3 specific educational assistants in the spec ed room to be trained on my child and they are the only ones (aside from the teacher who is also trained on my child) can be with him. No subs and if all of those people are out, they will call me and I will come get him. It has worked for this school year very well. And his iep is updated to state that he is to be supervised by one of those people (and they are not to be supervising any other children when they are with him) 100% of the day. It is very reasonable to expect them to keep track of your child. It’s part of FAPE and IDEA so they are obligated to do whatever they have to do to provide a fair and appropriate education. Which includes keeping him safe., Thats depends.  Does you son have a documented history of elopement or is this the first time he's done something like this? , Yes they are in the school custody and they are responsible for their safety., Absolutely, That was the first question when I was having interview at the school. Does not your school have a fence? Regards, Don’t call an injury lawyer, call a special education lawyer and call an IEP meeting. They absolutely should be taking this seriously., So in order for a lawsuit to even be heard by the court, you have to show you have damages. You have none here. Your child is uninjured. That's why all the legal professionals who know how this works have told you that you don't have a case., [deleted], I've used them. I'm currently using Anglesense. They don't work well. It's much better than nothing, but I keep trying to play hide and seek with my wife/kid and it takes forever to locate them; even worse indoors and never underwater (like in an aquarium) or places with heavy walls. I'm definitely not against using them, but make sure you practice with them a lot to know their limits and how to use them. In the end we are in the process of getting a Service Dog with tracking training. As for school, we have it in his IEP that he elopes and could be a danger to himself (and a few other scholastic things) and that he must have a 1-on-1 aid. They will fight you, but if you have demonstrated incidents of him being a danger to himself as a result of eloping, like this last event, than you can insist on it. If they pressure you, get a lawyer who knows how to manage disability cases and poke them hard. Your child has a right to a safe and free education that must be offered in the least restrictive way (ie, they cannot solve this by locking him in a room with a tablet)., We have been looking into AngelSense. Our district has a program where they provide trackers to special needs children and adults too. We have been sending him back but call for updates on the hour. My thoughts and prayers go out to that family. That's heartbreaking., Apologize and make changes. I would like security alarms installed on the doors. Or maybe some monitoring the surveillance cameras they continually boast about. I feel like they are arrogant and want me to "be happy he was found safe". I am happy he was found safe...I just never want another parent to experience this. This incident was preventable. And the school district is treating this as a joke. What makes it worse is my son is Autistic and non verbal., Apologize and make changes. Some years ago my daughter suddenly turned up at home in the middle of the day. It was the first week of the semester they had gone back to school full time after the pandemic. Before that she had been doing half days. One day she just walked home instead of going to lunch. Said she forgot. I went back to the school and absolutely lost it at them. Their excuse was that the 10th-12th grades could leave for lunch, so no one noticed another kid going out. My daughter was 12, in 7th grade then. Looked nothing like an upperclassman. They ended up assigning someone at the door to check IDs after that., Good idea! Didn't think of that! The parent that found him was outraged and is extremely helpful. My thoughts are with that parent....I know how she felt and it is insane how the schools are handling these things., He is 6 years old. I am located in NYC. Eloping is new for him and it is not included in his IEP., Thank you!!!!, Thanks for commenting. That makes sense. I've always seen people sue for emotional damage and I thought that would be the case. I am afraid to let my child out of my sight...he isn't sleeping well...hardly eating...it's affected him. I just want the school to make changes ..consider all of the families....they had other children looking for him. I want change., The kid is six. There is a risk of any six year old eloping. And, if it is public school, they can't kick him out just like that, especially since keeping an eye on him is an easy accommodation. Hell, it doesn't even rise to the level of an accommodation for me. They should be doing it for all kids that young., Hoping this is the dumbest shit I read today, This is great advice about requesting to amend the IEP to get a 1:1 para for the eloping and you don’t have to wait for annual review, the district has to hold a PPT asap at parent request, I think within 10 days? Not exactly sure but in a timely manner. As far as piece of mind, another option could be (if you have iPhone) an AirTag, they are only around 29$ I believe, attached to a key ring or flexible wristband to wear on ankle or belt loop, etc. You can set up an alert anytime the AirTag device sharing your location separates from you or add trusted locations (as in the school) where you won’t get an alert unless they leave that location., Thank you! This was extremely helpful. I saw the reviews on AngelSense and this comment confirms my suspicions. We also looked at T-Mobile...they have a watch...he has sensory issues so it may not work but I am trying any and everything at this point. I didn't jump on AngelSense because the price points were confusing. If you do decide to get the service dog, could you post on here your experience with the process and the outcome?, We don't have an eloper, but we printed business cards with a photo of our kid, our contact info, relevant info about allergies, etc. We tuck them into every pocket and backpack, in case we were somehow separated or in case an item gets left behind. We live urban, so we take the train and are at busy museums / parks / etc almost daily. I also think it's an additional insurance policy in case I or my husband were in public alone with our kiddo and had a medical emergency etc., Absolutely they should be held accountable. I would raised hell and gone above their level to the school district and state dept if they try to sweep this under the rug. If they don't respond properly, I would called the police and news people and escalated it up. This is a safety issue that is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY during school hours. Angel sense would help you feel better, but ultimately, it is unrealistic to be required to worry about your child's safety the entire time he is enrolled in school. Plus, how many other kids who have disabilities go to that school? They should be making adjustments, accomodations, and fixing the problem with their building, their protocol, etc as soon as possible. How many of these incidents will they have to figure it out? A dangerous one? One that the outcome wasn't with the kid being found? In my kid's school district, the moment a kid is missing, not only does the school scramble to find the kid, they also call the police department and cover all the bases. If someone is at fault, they get arrested and investigated. A lost kid, an eloped kid- if it happened at school, it's the school that needs to address it and take responsibility to prevent such a similar incident in the future., A 1v1 aide would likely be a better idea, as he's demonstrated he needs supervision beyond what the teachers can provide right now. Alarms either depend on a specific person being present (they won't have a person specifically monitoring the alarms, so it'd be a teacher/other staff member who can get sick) or would be loud for everyone to hear. Loud alarms in special education settings tend to suck, because many autistic students cannot handle them without meltdowns and people tend to forget to disable or enable them again when they do need to go through. That creates false security, and there still needs to be someone checking on the alarms - if they don't have enough staff to supervise all the children, that can be difficult without putting anyone else in danger. Admin tends to assume tools like this make up for less staff and don't mind pulling staff from those classrooms whenever they need them elsewhere - not the intended or right effect, but unfortunately likely and something that'd keep your son less safe, not more. What seems to be the issue here is that your son left the classroom and school without anyone noticing. That suggest the classroom isn't adequatly staffed to supervise all students to the amount they require. Having another person to supervise your son would solve that issue and hopefully keep him safe, and eloping is a behavior that shows he needs this close supervision., The school district here did not take accountability or apologize but they did make changes to stop it from happening again. I shared the whole story in a different comment. It is tempting to try and force someone to apologize when you both know they did wrong but progress is better than apologies so try to focus on that. They will probably never apologize. :/, Oh and this school has cameras as well but they refuse to aim them at the spec ed room. They also refused to put alarms on the doors or block the doors., I told them though (with my fierce mom voice and look) that I wanna know exactly which singular person will be to blame if he gets out again. They didnt like that. But here we are- if my kid gets out, I will know exactly who fucked up and I will have a serious talk with them. And the police. And I will seek child endangerment charges. If you can’t blame one person, then it’s harder to know who to go after., Because of the severity of eloping, I would call for an emergency IEP meeting (it’s your right to do so). In that meeting you can discuss measure they need to take to help., At 6 y/o, I wouldn't expect that this needs to be included in the IEP. Most schools wouldn't allow ANY 6 y/o to leave school alone etc etc. I don't know what I would do exactly, but I'd be full Mama Bear / Karen. Like, meeting with the superintendent and wanting to fully understand what procedures failed so that it never happens again. The outcome that I would want is that it doesn't happen in future to your child or anyone else's child, so I'd try to figure out how to best achieve that outcome. I don't know that a lawsuit is the most direct way to do that, but I'm not a lawyer. I'm so sorry that happened to you., >Thank you!!!! You're welcome!, This is heartbreaking. I know you said the school district did not take you seriously, was it the principal or was it on the superintendent level? I would definitely request a meeting immediately and escalate from there, you should not have to worry about your child’s safety when they are at school. My son is also nonverbal, 5 yrs old, and when he first started his new school he was wandering around after drop off, not leaving the building, but they couldn’t get him to enter the classroom. And physically they were not allowed to pick him up and bring him(as obviously a parent would). When I learned of this my immediate concern was him exiting the building and staff not being allowed to pick him up or stop him. I had a long discussion with the principal who assured me he was 100% of the time with a staff member and if he ever tried to leave they would in fact do anything including physically pick him up to stop him from imminent danger. It helped elevate my stress, as his school is off of a very busy street and little feet can move very quickly and he lacks any sense of danger. It’s so hard to trust another to have the same watchful eye as a parent would, or trust they would go to the extremes a parent would to prevent their child from getting hurt. Communication is so important and making your concerns heard and addressed is super important. You need to be secure in your child’s safety at all times, any good school administrator should be doing their due diligence to ease your mind when it comes to safety, if not I wouldn’t allow my child to attend unless I felt 1000% sure of that., There's actually no such tort as "emotional damage." There's intentional infliction of emotional distress, but it's very hard to prove and very hard to win, and the key word in there is *intentional*. I understand this is upsetting but the school's negligence in this case didn't case any damage that would be worthy of litigation. There's nothing to quantify here based on poor sleep and not eating as much. Also, a jury won't buy that walking a few blocks from the school caused actual damage to the kid's psyche. (Honestly, not to be rude, but I don't buy it either - I suspect his distress is coming more from the way you reacted to the incident). I don't like being a Debbie Downer, but unless the school is completely locked up in every way, there's always the possibility of a child getting out. It's a school not a prison. Unless the changes the school makes are having an adult literally tethered to your son, or having your son locked away all day, there's always the chance this could happen., [deleted], The 1:1 aide is a perfect idea. He's very clearly demonstrated that he *needs* that to stay safe. Age six is *really* young to wander off campus and five blocks away. I'd be stressed, for sure!, We are in the process for a dog and have our class, just waiting for the date (sometime between now and this time next year depending on how the dog trainees make it or washout). We chose 4Paws for Ability in Ohio. The process was a real drama. 4Paws was the only place that was friendly and helpful. Most places are just starting to figure out what to use a SD for with autism. One thing to know is that the word "elopement" will disqualify you just about everywhere because they all think the kid will just bolt and drag the dog around (dog safety issue). The best place to use (free services that are internationally certified) is really designed for other disabilities, so they were most hostile when dealing with us. They made their decisions without really getting to know us or our needs. You need to figure out what kinds of behaviors you need the dog to know. We NEEDED tracking and 4 paws was one of the few that does this. The 'free' places don't do tracking or elopement issues. The wait list for 4PAws is very long (about 2 years) and doesn't start until you come up with your portion of the training funds. They will give you guidance to setup fund raisers. The real scare is, with 4 Paws, you donate $20k, meaning it is non-refundable. According to them, you are paying it forward. To offset the fears, everyone I talk to that has a 4PAws dog absolutely loves the dog and 4Paws. I'm still very nervous something will get buggered up, but it could easily be my own PTSD screaming at me. Happy to tell you more if you have any more specific questions. Feel free to PM me. Also checkout the Service Dog Reddits and ask for opinions from people with SDs for autism. Also, my kid doesn't' have seizures, but a friend's kid does. Her 4Paws dog alerts to the seizures days early; she said at first it was within an hour, but the dog just got better and better. I'd have done this years ago, but the COVID delayed me. Outside of the medical and safety issues, I can really see the dog becoming a bridge for my son to develop socially. We're really excited!, Note— I have heard of sewing tiny pockets into the back/side of the child’s clothes (pants) that the tracker slips into (tiny square of jersey knit the you have sewn on 3 and 1/4 sides.) we do this on my son’s most precious object (which is constantly lost)., I love that!! I am going to use that. Thank you!!!, Thank you for commenting! Your school district sounds amazing. A parent found my child and immediately called the cops. I just want procedures in place so this never happens again. A child should not have to be critically injured for a change to be made. I agree with your sentiments!, Yeah, I would tell the other parents too. Even if I were the mom of a neurotypical kid, I would be gravely concerned that the supervision of the six year olds was so poor that one could get that far away and not be noticed. Kindergartners have to be watched, regardless if they are NT or ND., Particularly since her child is nonverbal it is reasonable to assume that his supervision needs are closer to those of a toddler than a typically developing 6yo., I took “included in the IEP” to mean the issue of elopement needing to be watched for and addressed, with a plan in place to prevent it, not that it would ever be acceptable for a child to walk away from school., This response is so negative and dismissing of the reality of the situation. Her child could have been injured or hit by a vehicle or taken by a stranger, Anything! Thankfully that was not the case, the outcome could have been far worse. She has every right to hold the school system accountable for their actions that led to her child to being in danger, intentional or not. The fact of the matter was it was PREVENTABLE, and had the shoe been on the other foot and it happened on her watch it would have absolutely been considered child neglect. Someone or multiple people should most definitely have to be held accountable and answer for the circumstances that led to the child leaving the building with no one aware. And dismissing the emotional distress of her child as having been caused by her own actions is a reach. To say the least. No. Absolutely not. Being nonverbal and unaware of the dangers he more likely than not was unaccustomed to being alone and not understanding of the new situation he had gotten into once he suddenly realized he was alone and none of his trusted familiar adults were around. How scary! This absolutely could have been avoided, a trusted adult absolutely should have had a watchful eye on her child the whole school day, especially assuming this is in the middle of the school yr and administration should already be very much aware of the ins and outs of the child’s abilities, behaviors and needs. Yes, a school is not a prison, neither is a home, but locks or alarms are never to take the place of actual supervision. They are deterrents, not babysitters., Are you at all familiar with IDEA? Particularly when the kid is nonverbal and presumably can't be expected to function at the level of a typical 6yo?, That's a good idea! Going to try that., You can call an IEP meeting right away to address this issue. The moment you call to attention something that affects your child's safety and progress at school in an IEP meeting, they are legally bound to address it., I'm not saying it *shouldn't* be included in an IEP etc. I guess I just meant that it shouldn't be necessary. If any 6 y/o decided that they wanted to "run away" during school, then multiple checks and balances should already be in place to prevent that from ever happening. The school isn't failing just neurodivergent children, but is failing all children, because this happened., I don't think you read the OP's original post. She asked about suing the school district. She doesn't have damages so she doesn't have a case. **I was pointing out the reality of how the law works for something like this.** If you find the law on such things negative and dismissive, then write your lawmakers. Also the level of distress even an autistic child would experience from wandering five blocks from his school with no harm done to him would never rise to the level of being actionable. Yes, the school messed up, but the reality is that it only takes about a minute for a kid to elope. Any adult can get distracted for a minute. Case in point, parents experience this all the time. So OP can demand all kinds of things from the school, but this could happen again. That's why so many people here recommended a tracking device., I think most folks that are based in the US on this sub would be familiar. OP didn't give relevant info initially -- age of child or location. No idea what the expectation is for older children that live outside of the US, for example., Maybe I misunderstood the intent of OP’s post, but from what I read it seemed to me like she was more so upset with the failure of the school district to make changes to prevent this from happening in the future, and due to their failure to take the situation seriously referenced a lawyer to press the issue. I didn’t assume she meant to sue the school district, tho that may have been the case but wasn’t explicitly referenced in her post. It was the tone of your response I found negative and dismissive, frankly offensive to a topic I completely resonate with. Whatever the law may be, it seemed she was looking for an outside source to advocate on her behalf. And commenting that the parent who was concerned for her child’s emotional distress to this incident is to blame for their reaction to me seemed unhelpful. That’s my opinion. I agreed with the tracking device suggestions, but again although a child can elope quickly and that can happen to anyone, they did not notice for an unacceptable amount of time. Which is neglect on their part. Period., Seriously you should probably get a tracker on him (Angelsense or similar) - another recent poster here had a beautiful nonverbal 6yo daughter elope and drown. He needs a safety plan to prevent this from happening again - whatever was in place is clearly inadequate. It could be increased supervision, better fencing, etc. You may want to consider keeping him out of school until this is addressed for safety reasons., Sounds terrible. Glad it went ok. What do you mean by accountable? As in don't do it again? Apologise? Or suit them?, Absolutely they can be held accountable. They are liable for the child’s safety while in their care., This happened in my town with a child younger than 6. Initially the school didn't notify the parents until after the child was found a few blocks away. They tried to just send an incident report like you get if your child gets scraped on the playground and needs to see the nurse. It wasn't until this was shared on one of the local <TOWN> parents Facebook groups that there was a general outrage and the school informed all parents and then took steps to make sure it didn't happen again. If you are in connection with other families in your school, I would leverage that, it is too easy for the admin to write off one angry parent and a lawsuit consumes a lot of financial resources and guarantees a hostile relationship with the school system until your child is 18. Creating a general outrage and social pressure is something of a nice middle ground., Info: How old is your child? What's in their IEP? Where are you located? The advice you will get will likely be different if he's 4 y/o. Or if he's 18 y/o and he has an IEP that includes that he is only to be released to known adults (ie you're in the US). If he's 18 y/o with nothing in his IEP about transportation or attendance, then he's an adult and is allowed to drop out of school if he wants to., My 5 year old has "eloped" (escaped) at least 3 times in his first year (i suspect it's happened more often and we haven't been informed). He's never managed to get beyond a block of the school but he'll quite easily get into the school yard, which has open gates, so he could quite easily go further. First time we laughed it off as "oh he's a sneaky little monkey" but on the 3rd time, I met with the principal and asked WTF they are doing! She said that there are 20 kids in his group and 2 or 3 staff members, so it's hard to keep track of everyone (basically he outsmarted the adults and saw the chance and ran off). They are 100% responsible for the welfare of your child, during school hours. So you have every right to be angry and concerned about this. We informed the school board that this has happened and we are in communications with them regarding "appropriate support and resources" at the school. We thought about trackers and such but I've seen in the past (find my iphone or airtags) that they aren't 100% accurate and i think we;d worry too much if we checked and he wasn't "in" the school. Basically we told the staff they need to be accountable for his whereabouts, when he's in their care., Call the local news and tell them, I saw that you are in NYC. My child at that age was in NYC public school and an eloper. He got a 1:1 para added to his IEP for that reason. An advocate might be more useful than a lawyer in this case. I would also get an incident report from the school., Something similar happened to my son. He was in the parking lot unattended and I only heard about it after the fact from some parents who discussing it happened- they did not know it was my child (understandable given we did not know each other, the point is no one reported it to where I was notified). I had to piece it together based on the descriptions I was hearing. The school confirmed when I confronted them about it though. I went after them for a one on one person with my child. His iep was mistaken and had only 60 min of supervision per day assigned to my asd non verbal 6 year old. I emailed everyone and demanded meetings with supervisors, etc to demand they do something because it was unacceptable. They had two doors in the spec ed room that had to remain unlocked the whole time and no one was allowed to touch him. So of course he got away. They refused a one on one but they compromised eventually and assigned 3 specific educational assistants in the spec ed room to be trained on my child and they are the only ones (aside from the teacher who is also trained on my child) can be with him. No subs and if all of those people are out, they will call me and I will come get him. It has worked for this school year very well. And his iep is updated to state that he is to be supervised by one of those people (and they are not to be supervising any other children when they are with him) 100% of the day. It is very reasonable to expect them to keep track of your child. It’s part of FAPE and IDEA so they are obligated to do whatever they have to do to provide a fair and appropriate education. Which includes keeping him safe., Thats depends.  Does you son have a documented history of elopement or is this the first time he's done something like this? , Yes they are in the school custody and they are responsible for their safety., Absolutely, That was the first question when I was having interview at the school. Does not your school have a fence? Regards, Don’t call an injury lawyer, call a special education lawyer and call an IEP meeting. They absolutely should be taking this seriously., So in order for a lawsuit to even be heard by the court, you have to show you have damages. You have none here. Your child is uninjured. That's why all the legal professionals who know how this works have told you that you don't have a case., [deleted], I've used them. I'm currently using Anglesense. They don't work well. It's much better than nothing, but I keep trying to play hide and seek with my wife/kid and it takes forever to locate them; even worse indoors and never underwater (like in an aquarium) or places with heavy walls. I'm definitely not against using them, but make sure you practice with them a lot to know their limits and how to use them. In the end we are in the process of getting a Service Dog with tracking training. As for school, we have it in his IEP that he elopes and could be a danger to himself (and a few other scholastic things) and that he must have a 1-on-1 aid. They will fight you, but if you have demonstrated incidents of him being a danger to himself as a result of eloping, like this last event, than you can insist on it. If they pressure you, get a lawyer who knows how to manage disability cases and poke them hard. Your child has a right to a safe and free education that must be offered in the least restrictive way (ie, they cannot solve this by locking him in a room with a tablet)., We have been looking into AngelSense. Our district has a program where they provide trackers to special needs children and adults too. We have been sending him back but call for updates on the hour. My thoughts and prayers go out to that family. That's heartbreaking., Apologize and make changes. I would like security alarms installed on the doors. Or maybe some monitoring the surveillance cameras they continually boast about. I feel like they are arrogant and want me to "be happy he was found safe". I am happy he was found safe...I just never want another parent to experience this. This incident was preventable. And the school district is treating this as a joke. What makes it worse is my son is Autistic and non verbal., Apologize and make changes. Some years ago my daughter suddenly turned up at home in the middle of the day. It was the first week of the semester they had gone back to school full time after the pandemic. Before that she had been doing half days. One day she just walked home instead of going to lunch. Said she forgot. I went back to the school and absolutely lost it at them. Their excuse was that the 10th-12th grades could leave for lunch, so no one noticed another kid going out. My daughter was 12, in 7th grade then. Looked nothing like an upperclassman. They ended up assigning someone at the door to check IDs after that., Good idea! Didn't think of that! The parent that found him was outraged and is extremely helpful. My thoughts are with that parent....I know how she felt and it is insane how the schools are handling these things., He is 6 years old. I am located in NYC. Eloping is new for him and it is not included in his IEP., Thank you!!!!, Thanks for commenting. That makes sense. I've always seen people sue for emotional damage and I thought that would be the case. I am afraid to let my child out of my sight...he isn't sleeping well...hardly eating...it's affected him. I just want the school to make changes ..consider all of the families....they had other children looking for him. I want change., The kid is six. There is a risk of any six year old eloping. And, if it is public school, they can't kick him out just like that, especially since keeping an eye on him is an easy accommodation. Hell, it doesn't even rise to the level of an accommodation for me. They should be doing it for all kids that young., Hoping this is the dumbest shit I read today, This is great advice about requesting to amend the IEP to get a 1:1 para for the eloping and you don’t have to wait for annual review, the district has to hold a PPT asap at parent request, I think within 10 days? Not exactly sure but in a timely manner. As far as piece of mind, another option could be (if you have iPhone) an AirTag, they are only around 29$ I believe, attached to a key ring or flexible wristband to wear on ankle or belt loop, etc. You can set up an alert anytime the AirTag device sharing your location separates from you or add trusted locations (as in the school) where you won’t get an alert unless they leave that location., Thank you! This was extremely helpful. I saw the reviews on AngelSense and this comment confirms my suspicions. We also looked at T-Mobile...they have a watch...he has sensory issues so it may not work but I am trying any and everything at this point. I didn't jump on AngelSense because the price points were confusing. If you do decide to get the service dog, could you post on here your experience with the process and the outcome?, We don't have an eloper, but we printed business cards with a photo of our kid, our contact info, relevant info about allergies, etc. We tuck them into every pocket and backpack, in case we were somehow separated or in case an item gets left behind. We live urban, so we take the train and are at busy museums / parks / etc almost daily. I also think it's an additional insurance policy in case I or my husband were in public alone with our kiddo and had a medical emergency etc., Absolutely they should be held accountable. I would raised hell and gone above their level to the school district and state dept if they try to sweep this under the rug. If they don't respond properly, I would called the police and news people and escalated it up. This is a safety issue that is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY during school hours. Angel sense would help you feel better, but ultimately, it is unrealistic to be required to worry about your child's safety the entire time he is enrolled in school. Plus, how many other kids who have disabilities go to that school? They should be making adjustments, accomodations, and fixing the problem with their building, their protocol, etc as soon as possible. How many of these incidents will they have to figure it out? A dangerous one? One that the outcome wasn't with the kid being found? In my kid's school district, the moment a kid is missing, not only does the school scramble to find the kid, they also call the police department and cover all the bases. If someone is at fault, they get arrested and investigated. A lost kid, an eloped kid- if it happened at school, it's the school that needs to address it and take responsibility to prevent such a similar incident in the future., A 1v1 aide would likely be a better idea, as he's demonstrated he needs supervision beyond what the teachers can provide right now. Alarms either depend on a specific person being present (they won't have a person specifically monitoring the alarms, so it'd be a teacher/other staff member who can get sick) or would be loud for everyone to hear. Loud alarms in special education settings tend to suck, because many autistic students cannot handle them without meltdowns and people tend to forget to disable or enable them again when they do need to go through. That creates false security, and there still needs to be someone checking on the alarms - if they don't have enough staff to supervise all the children, that can be difficult without putting anyone else in danger. Admin tends to assume tools like this make up for less staff and don't mind pulling staff from those classrooms whenever they need them elsewhere - not the intended or right effect, but unfortunately likely and something that'd keep your son less safe, not more. What seems to be the issue here is that your son left the classroom and school without anyone noticing. That suggest the classroom isn't adequatly staffed to supervise all students to the amount they require. Having another person to supervise your son would solve that issue and hopefully keep him safe, and eloping is a behavior that shows he needs this close supervision., The school district here did not take accountability or apologize but they did make changes to stop it from happening again. I shared the whole story in a different comment. It is tempting to try and force someone to apologize when you both know they did wrong but progress is better than apologies so try to focus on that. They will probably never apologize. :/, Oh and this school has cameras as well but they refuse to aim them at the spec ed room. They also refused to put alarms on the doors or block the doors., I told them though (with my fierce mom voice and look) that I wanna know exactly which singular person will be to blame if he gets out again. They didnt like that. But here we are- if my kid gets out, I will know exactly who fucked up and I will have a serious talk with them. And the police. And I will seek child endangerment charges. If you can’t blame one person, then it’s harder to know who to go after., Because of the severity of eloping, I would call for an emergency IEP meeting (it’s your right to do so). In that meeting you can discuss measure they need to take to help., At 6 y/o, I wouldn't expect that this needs to be included in the IEP. Most schools wouldn't allow ANY 6 y/o to leave school alone etc etc. I don't know what I would do exactly, but I'd be full Mama Bear / Karen. Like, meeting with the superintendent and wanting to fully understand what procedures failed so that it never happens again. The outcome that I would want is that it doesn't happen in future to your child or anyone else's child, so I'd try to figure out how to best achieve that outcome. I don't know that a lawsuit is the most direct way to do that, but I'm not a lawyer. I'm so sorry that happened to you., >Thank you!!!! You're welcome!, This is heartbreaking. I know you said the school district did not take you seriously, was it the principal or was it on the superintendent level? I would definitely request a meeting immediately and escalate from there, you should not have to worry about your child’s safety when they are at school. My son is also nonverbal, 5 yrs old, and when he first started his new school he was wandering around after drop off, not leaving the building, but they couldn’t get him to enter the classroom. And physically they were not allowed to pick him up and bring him(as obviously a parent would). When I learned of this my immediate concern was him exiting the building and staff not being allowed to pick him up or stop him. I had a long discussion with the principal who assured me he was 100% of the time with a staff member and if he ever tried to leave they would in fact do anything including physically pick him up to stop him from imminent danger. It helped elevate my stress, as his school is off of a very busy street and little feet can move very quickly and he lacks any sense of danger. It’s so hard to trust another to have the same watchful eye as a parent would, or trust they would go to the extremes a parent would to prevent their child from getting hurt. Communication is so important and making your concerns heard and addressed is super important. You need to be secure in your child’s safety at all times, any good school administrator should be doing their due diligence to ease your mind when it comes to safety, if not I wouldn’t allow my child to attend unless I felt 1000% sure of that., There's actually no such tort as "emotional damage." There's intentional infliction of emotional distress, but it's very hard to prove and very hard to win, and the key word in there is *intentional*. I understand this is upsetting but the school's negligence in this case didn't case any damage that would be worthy of litigation. There's nothing to quantify here based on poor sleep and not eating as much. Also, a jury won't buy that walking a few blocks from the school caused actual damage to the kid's psyche. (Honestly, not to be rude, but I don't buy it either - I suspect his distress is coming more from the way you reacted to the incident). I don't like being a Debbie Downer, but unless the school is completely locked up in every way, there's always the possibility of a child getting out. It's a school not a prison. Unless the changes the school makes are having an adult literally tethered to your son, or having your son locked away all day, there's always the chance this could happen., [deleted], The 1:1 aide is a perfect idea. He's very clearly demonstrated that he *needs* that to stay safe. Age six is *really* young to wander off campus and five blocks away. I'd be stressed, for sure!, We are in the process for a dog and have our class, just waiting for the date (sometime between now and this time next year depending on how the dog trainees make it or washout). We chose 4Paws for Ability in Ohio. The process was a real drama. 4Paws was the only place that was friendly and helpful. Most places are just starting to figure out what to use a SD for with autism. One thing to know is that the word "elopement" will disqualify you just about everywhere because they all think the kid will just bolt and drag the dog around (dog safety issue). The best place to use (free services that are internationally certified) is really designed for other disabilities, so they were most hostile when dealing with us. They made their decisions without really getting to know us or our needs. You need to figure out what kinds of behaviors you need the dog to know. We NEEDED tracking and 4 paws was one of the few that does this. The 'free' places don't do tracking or elopement issues. The wait list for 4PAws is very long (about 2 years) and doesn't start until you come up with your portion of the training funds. They will give you guidance to setup fund raisers. The real scare is, with 4 Paws, you donate $20k, meaning it is non-refundable. According to them, you are paying it forward. To offset the fears, everyone I talk to that has a 4PAws dog absolutely loves the dog and 4Paws. I'm still very nervous something will get buggered up, but it could easily be my own PTSD screaming at me. Happy to tell you more if you have any more specific questions. Feel free to PM me. Also checkout the Service Dog Reddits and ask for opinions from people with SDs for autism. Also, my kid doesn't' have seizures, but a friend's kid does. Her 4Paws dog alerts to the seizures days early; she said at first it was within an hour, but the dog just got better and better. I'd have done this years ago, but the COVID delayed me. Outside of the medical and safety issues, I can really see the dog becoming a bridge for my son to develop socially. We're really excited!, Note— I have heard of sewing tiny pockets into the back/side of the child’s clothes (pants) that the tracker slips into (tiny square of jersey knit the you have sewn on 3 and 1/4 sides.) we do this on my son’s most precious object (which is constantly lost)., I love that!! I am going to use that. Thank you!!!, Thank you for commenting! Your school district sounds amazing. A parent found my child and immediately called the cops. I just want procedures in place so this never happens again. A child should not have to be critically injured for a change to be made. I agree with your sentiments!, Yeah, I would tell the other parents too. Even if I were the mom of a neurotypical kid, I would be gravely concerned that the supervision of the six year olds was so poor that one could get that far away and not be noticed. Kindergartners have to be watched, regardless if they are NT or ND., Particularly since her child is nonverbal it is reasonable to assume that his supervision needs are closer to those of a toddler than a typically developing 6yo., I took “included in the IEP” to mean the issue of elopement needing to be watched for and addressed, with a plan in place to prevent it, not that it would ever be acceptable for a child to walk away from school., This response is so negative and dismissing of the reality of the situation. Her child could have been injured or hit by a vehicle or taken by a stranger, Anything! Thankfully that was not the case, the outcome could have been far worse. She has every right to hold the school system accountable for their actions that led to her child to being in danger, intentional or not. The fact of the matter was it was PREVENTABLE, and had the shoe been on the other foot and it happened on her watch it would have absolutely been considered child neglect. Someone or multiple people should most definitely have to be held accountable and answer for the circumstances that led to the child leaving the building with no one aware. And dismissing the emotional distress of her child as having been caused by her own actions is a reach. To say the least. No. Absolutely not. Being nonverbal and unaware of the dangers he more likely than not was unaccustomed to being alone and not understanding of the new situation he had gotten into once he suddenly realized he was alone and none of his trusted familiar adults were around. How scary! This absolutely could have been avoided, a trusted adult absolutely should have had a watchful eye on her child the whole school day, especially assuming this is in the middle of the school yr and administration should already be very much aware of the ins and outs of the child’s abilities, behaviors and needs. Yes, a school is not a prison, neither is a home, but locks or alarms are never to take the place of actual supervision. They are deterrents, not babysitters., Are you at all familiar with IDEA? Particularly when the kid is nonverbal and presumably can't be expected to function at the level of a typical 6yo?, That's a good idea! Going to try that., You can call an IEP meeting right away to address this issue. The moment you call to attention something that affects your child's safety and progress at school in an IEP meeting, they are legally bound to address it., I'm not saying it *shouldn't* be included in an IEP etc. I guess I just meant that it shouldn't be necessary. If any 6 y/o decided that they wanted to "run away" during school, then multiple checks and balances should already be in place to prevent that from ever happening. The school isn't failing just neurodivergent children, but is failing all children, because this happened., I don't think you read the OP's original post. She asked about suing the school district. She doesn't have damages so she doesn't have a case. **I was pointing out the reality of how the law works for something like this.** If you find the law on such things negative and dismissive, then write your lawmakers. Also the level of distress even an autistic child would experience from wandering five blocks from his school with no harm done to him would never rise to the level of being actionable. Yes, the school messed up, but the reality is that it only takes about a minute for a kid to elope. Any adult can get distracted for a minute. Case in point, parents experience this all the time. So OP can demand all kinds of things from the school, but this could happen again. That's why so many people here recommended a tracking device., I think most folks that are based in the US on this sub would be familiar. OP didn't give relevant info initially -- age of child or location. No idea what the expectation is for older children that live outside of the US, for example., Maybe I misunderstood the intent of OP’s post, but from what I read it seemed to me like she was more so upset with the failure of the school district to make changes to prevent this from happening in the future, and due to their failure to take the situation seriously referenced a lawyer to press the issue. I didn’t assume she meant to sue the school district, tho that may have been the case but wasn’t explicitly referenced in her post. It was the tone of your response I found negative and dismissive, frankly offensive to a topic I completely resonate with. Whatever the law may be, it seemed she was looking for an outside source to advocate on her behalf. And commenting that the parent who was concerned for her child’s emotional distress to this incident is to blame for their reaction to me seemed unhelpful. That’s my opinion. I agreed with the tracking device suggestions, but again although a child can elope quickly and that can happen to anyone, they did not notice for an unacceptable amount of time. Which is neglect on their part. Period.

Child's safety at school.

My beautiful son non verbal(4.5years), started school this year. I been having trouble with him defending his personal, and pushing other students. He also came home from school with scratches on his face, and the teachers said they don't know where he got them or if he did it himself. The schools been great with him and he is adjusting well, when over whelmed he has access to a quiet room. I was wondering if its possible or if t exist, to put a wearable camera on him to monitor his interactions as he can't explain his point of view. To see if it's him or other students during physical interactions. Edit, haha yeah for sure I was tired when I wrote this, now that I'm more awake, yeah video recording is not a good idea. I will looked into the angelsense and fma, that's expensive. But it is a wonderful idea.

It depends on where you are but that’s almost certainly not going to be legal. It’s for the protection of the other students. You may want to ask if you can come to the classroom to observe for a day. At the very least, schedule a 1 on 1 meeting with the teacher to discuss things and ask that the teacher pays particular attention to your son for a couple of days to try and nail down what’s going on, Demand a 1-on-1 aid. We insisted on one and it has made a tremendous difference in school issues. It will be hard to get them to do it, but articulate safety and educational reasons. One of my educational reasons is for the aid to assist in social interactions to help my child learn how to manage them. Safety is a huge legal issue you can push too. (eloping was another reason for the 1-on-1 aid). We had our first bully incident last week when his aid was out ill. I raised Hell with them in a 'supportive' fashion; I like to keep them thinking I am trying to help rather than go for the throat. I also started documenting any and all incidents, including the emotional states of the instructor when I pick-up. If they ever try to get rid of my aid, I'll use that as proof that it is necessary for the child's safety and for an equitable educational experience. Document everything in the event you need to get litigious. I also padded my clout a lot by getting involved in the County government. I'll be trying for a seat on the local Board of Education before my son hits high school too. If I need to, I'll become their boss., Bugging the child isn't going to be legal. Ours got hit 5 times that we know of, in kindergarten. Totally unprovoked and he did not hit back. This year, he is actually hitting back. And you know what? We are happy about this. Some kids don't understand words., I’d be beyond pissed if I knew a parent was recording my kid’s class. That’s not ok., Hello. Someone at the beginning of the school year posted that their son eloped at school recess. They mentioned their son wearing an anglesense tracker. Those have audio and tracking. The school district pushed back, but they won, I think they said. I'll try to find the thread, and you can see if you can get more info from them., I don't know the laws myself, nor how different they are in other states/countries. But my older son's middle school has told the students that it's actually illegal for students to video record other students. Is it possible for you to schedule an IEP meeting to go over the issues? Maybe he and the other students need more supervision to figure out what is going on?, It's almost certainly going to violate FERPA. I don't know that I'd recommend it. That said, I don't know that a school would push it legally if you DID find something and presented that evidence to them - they aren't going to want negative media attention. The issue for you is if they discover the device and you DON'T have evidence of wrongdoing. What you might find more success with is contacting your Board of Education about putting cameras in the special Ed rooms. Teacher's unions have tried to fight this, but in many states they don't have a leg to stand on. Approach the board and see if they can help out., I got an angel sense for my son. He’s 6 and NV. It’s not a camera but it has live gps tracking and 1way&2way calling where I can listen in on how things are going throughout his day. It’s been such a relief to have. I’d suggest one of these so you can get peace of mind and better advocate for him in case (hopefully not) he is being mistreated., Im sooooo sorry you have to deal with this! What state are you in? The alternative is we can look up to see if it’s within you right to DEMAND camera in the rooms and areas your kid is in for his protection. The school, police, CPS, and case workers can review the raw footage but I order to protect other student’s privacy, you can not. However, it will put the school on alert to protect your child. Also, if they are not protecting And educating him you can threaten to pursuit pulling him out and seeking to have him privately educated where he is safe under IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Educational Act). Trust me, nothing is more scary than an informed parent that could potentially cost the school district A LOT OF MONEY. Happy to further discuss. I never thought I would use my law degree for parenting as much as I do!, Yeah, good luck with that., I want to echo this or at least an additional aide for the classroom he is in. For instance, when my pre-K son goes to the "buddy classroom" (general Ed class) a para escorts him and one other student from the special Ed classroom., Haha, 100% my son is really big for his age and is pretty tough., A tracker on your child is fine, but most states don't allow you to record other people without their/their legal guardians knowledge and consent. Even if the place where OP lives does, at least informing the other parents that their child might be getting recorded would be common courtesy., I use Angelsense. You can use the tracking features, but if you turn on the snooping functions you can be in a mess of trouble. State depending, some states you can do it. It has to do with the recording laws (California requires at least 2 people to know of the recording, other places are different). And there is the issue of recording children which has it's own issues. I'd love to do this, but I don't know how without putting my foot in something., I am in Ontario Canada., What do you mean? I'm on year 2 with a 1-on-1 aid. So far, every time one wasn't there, trouble happened. With all the things I have logged, they'd risk a lawsuit if they removed the 1-on-1. Clout goes a long way. Kinda interesting who's in my metaphorical Rolodex now.

Childcare for your Autistic child

My daughter (recently 2) has been having a rough time at daycare. It is an in-home daycare, 1:6 ratio with mixed ages ranging from 18mo-4.5 years. While she does not have a formal diagnosis (we’re waiting for our early intervention observation), I’m curious to know what kind of child care worked for you with your child. Our current provider suggested that something may be up with her, and essentially it is effecting how our provider is able to run her daycare and she’s been given a two week notice. And unfortunately this is the second time she’s been asked to leave an in-home daycare. Some background: I’m not shying away from a potential diagnosis, but while we wait for our evaluation, the EI coordinator recommended the pathfinder health app to do go through some of the screenings on our own. On the MCHAT-R (for autism) she scored 0 meaning low risk. My daughter an only child, is very bright, learns things quickly and very verbal, usually puts together 5-6 word sentences, and has hit all growth milestones as expected. These are our areas of concern (which are also coming from her provider): • she pulls her hair out while sucking her thumb. This is usually when relaxing but sometimes when frustrated. • she humps when relaxing or overstimulated. • prefers to hang with adults, attaches hard, and would rather help us with chores than play independently. • difficult to get her out of a tantrum and redirect. She’ll stay “stuck” (provider’s term) in a bad mood even after the tantrum is over. • hitting when provoked or someone is in her space. Many of these her dad and I thought were pretty typical toddler behaviors, and aside from the hair pulling our ped said the same (she was referred to OT for her hair, and we’re on the waiting list) but even that is often linked to self-soothing and something that she may grow out of if it’s not a sign of something deeper. TL;DR what type of care situation has your child been successful with? I grew up at an in-home daycare and loved it, and have no experience at a center, but the ratios in our area are 1:7 and that makes me apprehensive. Centers are also so expensive in our area, if openings are available at all. We fall in that weird income spot where assistance is not available to us but we’re hitting the top of our budget as is at our current spot. Is this something they can help recommend in our screening? edited: style for easier reading

If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, All of this. And good that you have MIL to help. We didnt have that, family help I mean., Early intervention. No daycare would take the youngest one because of behavior, there was no family to help, so I had to delay work until thinvs got sorted. Husband had the higher paying job., If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, All of this. And good that you have MIL to help. We didnt have that, family help I mean., Early intervention. No daycare would take the youngest one because of behavior, there was no family to help, so I had to delay work until thinvs got sorted. Husband had the higher paying job., If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, All of this. And good that you have MIL to help. We didnt have that, family help I mean., Early intervention. No daycare would take the youngest one because of behavior, there was no family to help, so I had to delay work until thinvs got sorted. Husband had the higher paying job., If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, All of this. And good that you have MIL to help. We didnt have that, family help I mean., Early intervention. No daycare would take the youngest one because of behavior, there was no family to help, so I had to delay work until thinvs got sorted. Husband had the higher paying job., If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, All of this. And good that you have MIL to help. We didnt have that, family help I mean., Early intervention. No daycare would take the youngest one because of behavior, there was no family to help, so I had to delay work until thinvs got sorted. Husband had the higher paying job., If you are in the US get her in early intervention. Its free. Even without a formal diagnosis, they will take her. After that, they rrally help you putting kid through an evaluation for a diagnosis (free) and getting her into appropriate school. My youngest was kicked of a YMCA type daycare. Climbing on desks and turning lights in and off. Kids act different in institutional type settings, so take the daycare workers observations seriously and put her in early intervention..after age 3 they no longer qualify. GL., I was always surprised my daughter never got kicked out of her daycare because I know she was really difficult for them. It all clicked when they told me they staff over ratio. This was an expensive educational daycare in our area and she was only going part time (or else we wouldn’t have been able to afford it full time). If she was getting overstimulated or having a meltdown in class, they had extra staff members to remove her and help her calm down somewhere quiet. I don’t think she would’ve been able to be a part of any in home daycares., We had somewhat different issues, but what ended up working for us was a preschool that was connected to a speech/OT clinic (two things on the same site.) He could get therapy and then rejoin his class. It also meant the preschool was just more thoughtful and inclusive about neurodivergent kids because the operators worked with them regularly on the therapy side., This is what we are doing. No formal diagnosis yet but we are getting there. Also essentially kicked out of daycare. In terms of childcare we have been relying on my MIL. We hope to start ABA at home soon., My post mentioned that we are currently awaiting our early intervention screening/observation. What did you end up doing for childcare?, All of this. And good that you have MIL to help. We didnt have that, family help I mean., Early intervention. No daycare would take the youngest one because of behavior, there was no family to help, so I had to delay work until thinvs got sorted. Husband had the higher paying job.

Children’s book

This is light hearted and the closest flair I could find; Hey everyone. I’m looking into writing a childrens book, both of my children are autistic so I want to make the main character of my book autistic too, but I want to turn an aspect of autism into a ‘super power’ of sorts. My brain is glitching on ways I could do this however so I wanted to pose the question to the Autistic parents sub and see if anyone had any ideas?

Being able to learn very deeply about a special interest topic and that information being used to save the day / solve the big problem in the story?, Love this idea! Thank you!!!

Christmas gift ideas

Hello all just reaching out to see what works for you, we have a almost 6 yo NV boy and it seems it's hit and miss with trying to get him toys. Any ideas from things that have worked for you? Thanks

[deleted], We are getting our 6yo a music player with a long playlist of songs we all like. Also, a little drone thing. Thankfully, he is pretty adamant about what he wants. Would suggest stuff for his room, if he's NV. A fun clock, or bedsheets with characters he likes.. our girl's favorite birthday gift, out of all the toys she got, was actually the unicorn comforter., I have a 6 year old boy, nv also. He loves music so we've definitely leaned into that area with a cheap keyboard, he bangs on it but he also understands that pushing certain keys makes certain noises (cause and effect lol)., How about a light projector that makes a pattern on the ceiling?, Sensory toys? Kinetic sand, playdough, toy piano, body sock, pea pod, tent that fits around his bed., Yes definitely Legos are a goto., Yes ours does love his music as well. Good Idea., Where do you get those at, Amazon?, He has some sensory items and likes being in closed spaces so a tent seems like a good idea too., Yes we've had a few from Amazon

Clapping

When did your child learn to clap? My almost 10 month old can’t clap still. I’ve been worried sick about since he was 4 months when I believe he had his first regression. Its hard to explain but there was a noticeable change in his behavior around this age.

My current toddler (19 months old) with quite a lot of delays and is awaiting assessments, he developed normal up until 1. So he did clap by 1. But, it doesn’t mean anything now, to be quite honest. He clapped, but went on to never wave or point, and now he doesn’t clap. I would try step aside from hyper-focusing on milestones at this early stage, because they don’t necessarily give you much insight for ahead. I understand your worried your little one had a regression? What was the behaviour changes? I know the feeling of worrying about your baby, it’s so consuming. We can’t change the outcome, so all we can do is prepare and embrace them for who they are., Get a grip, you’re way too early. Regression at 4 months? Stop manufacturing stress in your life, My son didn’t clap until much later. I think you may be letting your own anxiety get the best of you., My son was about 3. Also I wouldn’t worry at 10 months, I think clapping is usually like 9-12 months., What makes you think your baby is autistic? I didn’t have a clue until my son was about 18m old. Not sure what traits would show so early?, Please just enjoy your baby. 10 months is too young to really do anything. If you’re that worried talk to birth-3/ a pediatrician. If he’s autistic he’s autistic and there won’t be much you would really do differently this early. My autistic son clapped earlier than my NT son, He was three years 5 months. He never, ever, ever stopped. It's his number one stim. Clappy happy, clappy sads, clappy clappy, all the clappy, all the time. Clappy clappy. On a side note, I received a behavior complaint from the bus driver this last school year, and the first thing she wrote: loud clapping. Yes, I am in an on-going battle with the school district, and we'll leave it there. ETA: I don't *remember* my NT child clapping much at all until 15 months., I wouldn't stress as much with milestones because they're go at a big range, however, I would address the spaceyness with the pediatrician. There is a type or seizure that makes it look like the baby is out of it., I think my son was about 3.5, Mine was almost 4., About 16 months, Mine could clap at that age but it was never for communication or celebration / sharing joy. It was just simply randomly putting his hands together.., [deleted], My child started showing signs of autism at 9 months so he didn’t learn to clap until he was around 18 months or 2 years old., My son is 15 months & doesn’t really clap on his own but will imitate me sometimes when he sees me do it. I would recommend doing hand over hand to show them when they get closer to 12 months. That’s what I do with my son & we’re still working on it., 12 months. Didn't point until after2, My son clapped around 12 months, but never really crawled. He did this army type of crawl only, and never got up to a full crawl before he started to walk around 13 months. Our PT/OT said that his low muscle tone, and core, is most likely why. He struggles with balance, kneeling, etc. My son was delayed in every milestone, with the exception of eating solid foods. His appetite, and willingness/desire to eat a variety of foods, hasn't been an issue ever. He just doesn't use utensils well yet :) but that's also an OT thing we're working on., I believe you can tell and moms have a gut instinct like no other. Mine clapped around 10 months and awkwardly waved at 12 months and then pointed at 20 months. We had to actively teach him all of those skills. Like others have said, relax and enjoy your baby. I regret all of my wasted days worrying., My son had to be taught specifically how to clap in ABA. My son does not learn by imitation. I picked that up in his infant year when he wasn’t imitating clapping, facial expressions etc. My son has learned how to imitate certain actions through ABA but he still really struggles with it., My son was about 18 months when he started clapping, he lost the skill and gained it again at age 3, I honestly don’t remember a time he couldn’t clap. It happened early enough I never worried about it at least?, Hi, I'm Autistic and ADHD among other labels and a momma to an AuDHD kiddo. Your feelings and concerns are valid. You know your baby best. That said, your baby is a baby. Every single person's journey on this Earth is unique. Try not to judge your child's too harshly based on others around them. They may clap later than others, that's okay. Have they been diagnosed as autistic? If you're concerned, go ahead and request assessments now if you're not already on some wait-list or scheduled. Depending on your location, some places are years long. That said, again, you know your kiddo best. I always suggest at this age, to take this time, to let your child be a baby. You put yourself into therapy and education. Learn positive and harmful therapy options for autism, support and accommodations regularly used, support groups for parents and kids as they age, learn about autistic burnout, PDA (demand avoidance), and look into potentially getting yourself and or your child's other parent assessed as well. Autism is genetic. I'll also leave you with an interesting fact that might make you feel a bit better. You know back when people believed their babies had been exchanged by changelings? That the fae or demons had come in the night and swapped their children because overnight their babies demeanor had just changed. That these children couldn't be the same babies because they were so different then how they had behaved even the day before. It's widely believed that those children were autistic. We have vastly more knowledge and support today than any generation before now. Autism has always been among us. You're not crazy and your baby may have changed as they are developing rather suddenly. This could.be because their hearing and sight is improving and they are becoming more overstimulated or overwhelmed so they are sort of "spacing out" a bit in a way to protect their own nervous system (I really don't know just brainstorming based off what I've read in your post and comments). Anyway, long story short, you're doing a great job, you're not alone, try to take a few deep breaths and calm your anxiety. Easier said than done, I know. If your child is autistic, it is hard. It's okay to be upset and it's okay to ask for help. You have plenty of time to figure everything out. You've got this., It's up and down guys. Mine is two and a half and he clapped at 10 months and then wouldn't clap until 2. One minute he's playing with toys regularly then he will go through a few weeks where all he wants to do is stim and then a new skill comes. They gain skills and it seems like they lose them for a time but they will pop back up and surprise you. Hang in there. At 10 months mine had a lot of repetitive behavior. Constantly throwing toys behind himself and episodes that looked like seizures. It's scary when you don't know and all you want is the best for your baby., Hi OP - any updates? , Well very suddenly at 4 months his whole demeanor changed. Before, he was engaged and smiley. Then one day around 4 months old he stopped smiling and was sort of “out of it” I even have pictures of him and my mom commented that he doesn’t look himself. This lasted about 1.5 weeks and then he gradually started smiling again and becoming more engaged but not quite the same as before. He also temporarily stopped rolling during this period. He also regained that and has no issues with motor skills now. I don’t know what happened but I remember thinking something was up, Yes I’m probably doing this but I think could also be right too, He just doesn’t seem interested in it. He is only interested in becoming mobile and trying to walk. He does babble and reach for me but that’s the only communication skills he’s gained in many many months. I’m worried bc I love him, he’s my whole world. He’s always with me, sleeps with me and I even take baths with him. I just want him to have a good future but im very worried now., Well I think im hyper vigilant bc I do have a background in pediatrics. But from the beginning there have been concerns. He is a “high needs” baby. I am the only thing that soothes him when he’s upset. Otherwise he will just scream and scream. He is very sensory seeking. So that’s where the fussiness and high needs comes from bc boredom=fussy= needs to be held my mom or will scream until that happens. He is Hyperactive (always moving, pulling up on repeat.) Again I believe this falls under sensory seeking behavior. But now that he’s almost 10 months and not clapping waving or pointing I am getting even more concerned. I have him In EI but he’s not eligible for services. But they are giving him these monthly lessons called “special instruction” but it’s total bs. They basically tell you how to play with your baby to help them learn. It doesn’t work plus it’s very obvious things that anyone should already be able to figure out and do. There are a few other things. But basically hes sensory seeking and not gesturing., We are in EI but their not giving us services. We’re just getting something called “special instruction” it’s monthly classes to show me how I can help my son…but it’s already things most people know like narrating activities and modeling gestures. It’s not helping., Thanks for sharing that. I’m sorry about the school complaint. That is absolutely ridiculous., Well it’s not to that extent. It’s not a seizure I’m sure of that., TY for the reply., Lol that’s cute. Unfortunately I cannot send my son to daycare. It’s not affordable for us. But also he wouldn’t make it there. He screams hysterically whenever he’s away from me for long periods and sometimes very short periods too lol., What signs did he show, Is he doing other gestures and meeting other milestones?, TY for sharing. Do you have any advice that you have gained in hindsight related to anxiety during the waiting phase?, Do you have any helpful tips you would be willing to share for me to help my child learn things since he also doesn’t imitate?, Thank you., Hi. I still am very concerned. He’s 16 months now. He did learn to clap, but not until 14 months. He does clap in context though (for “yay” good job..or on command.) He also started pointing at 12 months. He points to request plenty but pointing to share is rare. He knows how to wave hi/bye but seldomly does it lately. He learned that at 13 months. He now blows kisses and signs “more” he is speech delayed. Still doesn’t call us mama or dada. He says “go go!” “Boo!” Mooo for cow. Bubba to request to watch bubble pop by miss Rachel and lately beep beep and baby. All of these words are not consistent though and sometimes require prompting. He was handing us lots of toys to play but lately not so much. He is an extremely poor eater and spins wheels repetitively. Something about his eye contact remains off to me. I still have my worries. It’s been over a year of worrying and depression now. How are you?, Have you spoken to a paediatrician about concerns for a regression?, I do believe we know our babies exceptionally well. So I can see why this would have caused alarm bells for you. I did experience a period of time when my son was 3 months and he was ‘different’ after then. To this day, it’s hard to explain. So I personally, get your experience and believe what your explaining. I hope you manage to get some relief from your worries. I’d say, whilst your son is 10 months, try act natural about this as possible. Try let your doubts shift in the background (this is what I had to do when my son became delayed). Do everything with him that you know he loves and that helps teach him. And then revisit your thoughts again, in about a month? That mental break not only gives you some peace, but it gives you and your son that fear-free mother and son time back again. It’s surprising how much this fear gets in the way. It also gives your son a month to develop and it’s only really then, that you can question anything. It’s difficult to switch off, but it gave me so much mental clarification. It gave me and my son more time to be natural and away from any expectations of him. Enjoy your little boy and see what next month brings. What I realised was, if my son is truly delayed, only time can confirm that. He will still be delayed next month. Then I can then take another approach towards it, rather than exhausting myself without anything I can do about helping him yet., 10 mos is still so young! My son didn't talk until he was almost 3.5...he only had a few words. Hes now 14 and talks endlessly! It's so hard when they are young...so.many uncertainties. Give him time to grow and chances are, he will make progress!, Autistic or not, he’s your baby, and you’ll love him either way. Don’t worry about milestones, he’ll get there in his own time. It seems scary at first, but you’ll learn not to compare your child to others, and celebrate different milestones. I just found out my kid (4) is going to a mainstream school, not a specialist setting. He’ll be miles behind the other kids in his class and will need a helper to attend. But he’s made it, he doesn’t need special school! He’s not hitting age appropriate milestones, but he only began speaking a year ago. He makes me proud every day ❤️ Edited to answer your original question- he still doesn’t wave or clap now. Although he occasionally blows a kiss!, 10 months is still really young. My autistic 3.5 year old didn’t start clapping until about a month ago, and my NT presenting younger child didn’t start clapping until almost 13 months. Both of my children at 10 months seemed like “high needs” Velcro babies. It’s normal. That age is notorious for the development of separation anxiety and parental preference. As far as what you attribute to being sensory seeking and hyperactivity with pulling up, standing, moving around, etc.. it’s also normal. At 10 months it’s on par developmentally for kiddos to start crawling, standing, walking, and being enthusiastic about their newly learned “freedom to roam”. You’re a great mom for observing these things and promptly getting your child help, BUT if you’ve been “worried sick” since 4 months (4 months is also notorious for its hellish sleep regression), it sounds like your pediatric background is fueling your anxiety, and that anxiety is overruling rational thinking. It may be a good idea to seek some sort of counseling or therapy for PPA because all the things you mentioned seem normal for a 10 month old., Yea that was my experience with EI. I didn’t find it super helpful especially if you have experience with young children/ childhood development. For my son, he met all milestones up until 18 months when he lost some skills. I knew then that he was autistic and while I don’t want to romanticize it, he still has challenges, my life looks different than I thought, he truly is the light of my life. The way he experiences the world is beautiful. He notices things I never would, like at target he was inside the cart and said “hexagon”. I realized all the wholes in the cart are hexagon shapes. He has big emotions, but that goes for happiness too. I’ve never seen joy like his. Something that has helped me is knowing that even if you have an NT child, you never really know what they’ll be like or what their lives will look like. Of course with a child with a disability there is more variability but anything can happen. Let go of your preconceived notions and dreams for your child. So often we have these values and ideal lives that we project on our kids and that doesn’t help anyone. The days are long, but the years are short so be present and enjoy your baby whether they’re autistic or not., He stopped babbling, stopped replying to simple commands and his name, wouldn’t reply to the words yes, no, etc., started shaking his head violently (stimming), was very hyperactive, started humming instead of using word or letter sounds., He only reaches to be picked up. He does babble and and cruise and starting to stand independently for a few seconds…he is 9.5 months. He’s very attached to me. He’s my only child and I am so worried., Honestly I don’t really have any advice on how to get through the waiting period. It’s rough and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The best thing to do is put all that nervous energy into your child. It’s harder to worry when you’re on the floor trying to get into their world or planning activities for them to do. Once our second child was born I went of zoloft and he got his official diagnosis. It was oddly the best day ever. We finally had answers and I felt like I could finally breathe again., Thank you, I agree I need to just turn off the worrying bc at this point it serves no purpose, easier said than done. TY for your kind reply., Thank you. I hope your right., I’m so happy your son is doing so well! And Ty for your reply. The first paragraph actually makes me feel oddly calm…TY!, Thanks for your reply. And you are right about my background making my anxiety worse. My husband says all the time that my job “f***ed me up” lol. But in all seriousness, I am working with a professional for my anxiety. But there is still these nagging feelings about my baby. Anyways TY, Ty for the reply., Reaching to be picked up is gesturing. Babbling is good. He might be busy learning to walk so he’s out other skills on the back burner. It really is quite early to tell., It’s so much easier said than done. Your stronger than you know though and your son has a wonderful, caring mother. Don’t forget it 🌟, Ty

Classroom Placement

We need advice. My son’s school is trying to switch his teacher for this school year. My son is 4.5, non-verbal, has a history of self-injury when he’s stressed, he has an IEP, we live in Massachusetts. His school has a program with several amazing teachers but we’ve asked my son stay with the same teacher for one more year for consistency because he has a documented history or regression when changing teachers and specialists and we’ve seen a lot of positive changes in our guy since he’s been with her. We really just wanted one more year with this teacher seems like a reasonable accommodation but it was denied. I was denied an IEP meeting before that transition classrooms and the principal and head of special head cannot provide me with a reasonable reason for not making this accommodation. I’m meeting with the director of special education for my city today but I’m afraid it just going to be admin siding with admin and the superintendent hasn’t gotten back to me after I left his office a message and sent him an email. I have a full video of the school conference with the head of the department and principal just sitting there denying our request and failing to provide justification when asked. What do we do now? My son is amazing. I know this isn’t going to have long term effects on his whole life or anything but I don’t want him to start hurting himself again, I don’t want him to stop sleeping again, I’m afraid the little steps we’ve taken in language development are going to be lost. I just don’t get it. I’m writing this really fast on my phone at like 6am and chasing my kid so please forgive all and any mistakes. Thanks. Edited to fix words and phrasing

Genuine question, how do you expect the school to make sure his teacher doesn't change? There is a reason this isn't a legal acommendation, and it's pretty straightforward: teachers aren't prisoners. Admins are legally bound to reasonable acommendations, which means ones they are able to provide. Not switching staff is not a reasonable acommendation because it's not just the admins decision, it's the teachers decision. Teachers are free to resign completely, switch schools, switch age groups (or stay in the same age group while your son ages out), switch specialty (like moving from self-contained special ed to inclusion), etc. I work in special education, and there are reasons teachers change schools or classrooms that parents will never know about. Allowing consistent teachers as IEP acommendation would make working conditions a lot worse, and make it much harder to leave bad work environments. It would be a common acommendation as well - children with developmental or emotional/social issues taking staff changes hard isn't the exception, it's the norm. It sucks for everyone involved, but it's impossible to avoid completely. I get that it's frustratring to you and will set your son back, but this isn't a fight you will win. Instead, try to focus on ways to make the transition easier for him - those are acommendations you will likely get., >one more year with this teacher seems like a reasonable accommodation If the school puts a specific person into the IEP, they legally have to have that specific person. They can't promise that. What if that teacher quits her job?, There are internal policies that people outside are not privy to. All you need to know is that specific teachers can not be part of an IEP for many reasons. Thats it. You don’t need to know beyond that., Are there any autism advocacy groups in your area? Out here in Central Virginia, we got a not for profit that helps folks navigate IEPs and you can bring in someone who knows the system to sit in your corner during the meetings., EMAIL! EMAIL! EMAIL! ALWAYS write everything in an email. Idc if you just spoke in the hall, at pick up, or on the phone. Summarize up what was said to you back to them in an email and CC the person who is above them, director of student services or whoever. Unless there is a permanent paper trail with dates and times, they can stall forever. Get a legal aid advocate. They are provided to each state at no cost to you to ensure your child is indeed receiving a fair shake at a proper education. Accommodations are necessary and legally his to use for him to be successful in school. When I utilized our legal aide service things started getting done quickly. Also, have you asked for a one on one aide to assist him throughout the day? One of the things they can assist with is transitioning and sensory diets in the environment., lawyer up, Won't help in this case, IEP/504 accomidations do not require or support the same teacher between years., I have my sister, she’s a special education teacher but she lives in another state and zooms into meetings when she can., Would you mind telling me what the group is? I’m in central VA and this would be helpful., >Accommodations are necessary and legally his to use for him to be successful in school. A staffing request for a specific teacher, like the one OP is talking about, is NOT a legal accommodation., To what end? How will a lawyer make a teacher stay in that position or not die or something?, I used them a few years ago and cannot seem to dig up the name in my junked up email box, but found them through Autism Society of Central Virginia, I want to say., Correct. A one on one aide (not a specific teacher request) would help keep the consistency in his daily routine. 💁‍♀️, I'm sorry, I'm confused by your comment. You agree that the request this parent is making is not a reasonable or legal IEP accommodation, but you want them to make sure that they get documentation of people denying the request, and get a legal aid advocate to help convince the school to make the accommodation anyway? Or is the legal aid advocate to help get a one-on-one?, Documentation is key to protecting and serving all of the team members involved. It shows the exact question being asked, the exact answers being given, time stamps, and holds everyone accountable to words being said and actions taken. A legal advocate can help navigate and find solutions. Consistency across the board is huge for any young child, but especially for those on the spectrum. It is also important to figure out the triggers that cause these behaviors to one day be able to work through them. If you never find out what triggers a child, how will you ever help them grow through it? All of this information will only ever come from… you guessed it, evidence based documentation. I brought up the one on one aide as one of many solutions that could prove to be helpful. A legal aide would likely advise the parent to start by emailing the principal a request for a FBA to be done by a BCBA. Depending where you live, they may not be readily accessible. You can then request one to be hired for the assessment from a nearby school district that does have one. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a behavior plan put into place, especially with a child who self injures. What if you move later down the road? You never know where life will take us. It will be a great tool to all of his future team members throughout his school years. How awesome it would be to have a fully prepared teacher meeting your child for the first time, and everyone have a positive experience from it. 👏👏

Coming to full realization and I feel hopeless

My soon to be 5 year old son is non verbal and somewhere between level 2 and 3. I’m watching different documentaries that have autistic older children and I’m coming to the realization that he will probably never be as normal as I had hoped. I feel like I’ve lost a child. I feel cheated, I feel hopeless. I already felt too afraid to go anywhere with him, but now I don’t want to do anything myself. I’m so sad that my sweet little boy will have to grow up like this. How do you all handle this? I am so sad right now

Like pp said, anti-depressant. I also have two other mom friends who have severe children and we lean on each other. I take a vacation with one every year while my husband stays at home with our son. We also don’t go anywhere but my plan is to have a house on acreage where my child can just run around all day everyday to his hearts content. I’ve become a homebody since he’s an eloper and so I want to make my place my oasis., You’re not alone. I’m going through a similar situation with my son (4). I triaged with the help of anxiety medication and then started to take care of myself better as I am likely going to be his caretaker through adulthood. I started going to therapy recently and I realized that I need to allow myself time to process, mourn and keep going. I heard someone say something to the effect of “my child didn’t ask to be brought into this world, I did. They don’t owe me anything. I owe them everything.” That has helped me put things into perspective and assisted with getting into the necessary mindset to provide everything that I can to help him have a fulfilling life. While I fail almost daily, I am starting to see hope. One day at a time., Children with autism can always be surprising in their own ways. Don't have expectations -- only open mind. And your child may amaze you, every day., Your view of life is myopic; it can only look at the now and try to remember the past. Future is fantasy; we make it up based on our past. I stay in the now as much as I can. Remember everything changes. And I keep my Autistic superheros in mind... Support is vital. Get all the support you can, and therapy. I wish I can say things will be just fine, but we don't know. I think that the unknown is the hardest to stomach. Viktor Frankl said, "Man can manage just about any kind of suffering if we know how long..." but this is a vast unknown that terrifies the parent in us especially when our mind tries to fill in the unknowns with horror stories. This feeling will pass.... then come again. We are struggling with a large issue and I don't know of anything that makes it go away, but it does change. And there is hope. One more thing to keep in mind, being born NT doesn't guarantee any life success (decade working at a methadone clinic showed me that)., The one thing that consistently brings me relief is radical acceptance. This is jt. This is it. There’s no “more normal” that could have been. Or “another kid” that should have been. This is it. Easier said than done. But when I can mentally get to a place of radical acceptance (including fully accepting that while I did not choose this path I am on it), I sleep better at night. Good luck 🍀, Therapy helps. Self care, namely exercise, helps. Otherwise - it is what it is., Live in the now. Stop watching the documentaries and thinking about the future. That’s the only way to survive this. We all feel/have felt what you feel right now so it’s completely normal. Things can and do change and you don’t know how the future will look so just live in the now., I don't have the answer, I am sorry. But therapy would be helpful. As well as antidepressants. It is a grieving process - we all have dreams about raising a child. And now everything goes wrong. It is a loss of a dream. You cannot plan for the future as the rest of the people. It is not fair, people with NT children won't get it. And that is not fair either. I know it feels isolating... Places like this help, but then again, the struggles are so vastly different - it is lonely even here!, I feel you. My son is 4.5, and sometimes it seems our reality just keeps getting darker and darker; our attempts to help him feel more and more in vain. I accidentally injured myself last night, and now I'm in a lot of physical pain as well. Normally I do take him out and we find some way to engage and have some version of an experience. Today is about survival, though. I feel so sad, like I can barely interact with anyone. I know my mindset isn't healthy at the moment. A strange and unexpected thing breaks through and allows me to feel happiness, then my thoughts encircle it over and over, to the detriment of my obligations. It doesn't feel possible to go on without hope, but hope hurts so badly if it isn't justified., Oh this is hard….it took me way too long to get a grip on these thoughts, not that they have disappeared but with time, the hopelessness can fade! I think being heard helped. Knowing my thoughts were valid. The audience for this is understanding friends, therapists and communities like this one. Somewhere along our journey someone said to me (we have ASD 9yr old twins M) “they don’t know they are different! They are so happy just living their lives right now” and it was true. I was carrying this fear that at least for now, wasn’t our reality. Also I hear of and know other families who’ve been dealt much tougher hands in life. And though ours is NO walk in the park with autism (for us almost broke us mentally and financially and and and) I was letting the all the anger and fear rob me of any joy that was right in front of me. Once I let myself be more present, I could slowly start to handle it all a bit better. The future didn’t look so bleak. Though I do have to remind myself to stay grounded, not let my thoughts run wild, it’s worth it. Lastly I’d just say be gentle on yourself. Realize you’re allowed to feel this way while at the same time promising yourself you won’t stay there. For his sake and yours. Good luck!, Keep hope. When turning 5 our daughter didn't speak, didn't use the toilet and refused most foods besides Mac and cheese for breakfast lunch dinner. We were so beat down. We had little hope our kiddo would catch up. She just turned 6 and she is capable of speaking 20+ words, 99% hitting the potty and wants to try everything for food. I'm not saying your journey will be the same, but don't give up! PS, take your kiddo everywhere. Don't worry about other people, and what they think. Especially strangers you won't see again. There is NO normal in our world. Embrace it and expose that kiddo to all they can be (within reason 😁), Let me say this. I have three neuro typical adult children. They were sweet growing up, hit all the milestones, participated in activities etc. Now two of them suffer an inherited delusion disorder (the third is fine, we have a good relationship). They have assaulted me, called me names, wish me dead, and more, they think I’m spying on them, they think the government is trying to kill them, or they are a witch with powers that are coming full force neither will visit a doctor. It’s awful, one has a level 2 autistic child, my granddaughter she was recently taken by cps that’s still pending. She is the sweetest purest little girl, the light of my life. It’s so rare to meet a mean autistic person, they are usually so sweet and innocent. Be grateful for what you have, you never know what you could have had. So it’s not what you expected, that’s ok, help your child reach their full potential and relish that sweet innocence forever., I just recently started an anti depressant., Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance is a common evolution of feelings. I have a level 2/3 and I sway between the last two., I work in child protection and remind myself that lots of NT kids grow up with to be adults with so many problems. Drugs, domestic violence, criminal behaviours, murderers, child molesters. I have a BIL who is going through divorce with SIL, and he turned into a monster who abandoned his children, uses drugs, harassed and attempts to control and isolate SIL while they were together, has untreated MH issues from drugs. This is a man who went to a fancy private school, went to uni , two healthy kids, fancy cars and houses. Had all the advantages to life and has managed to destroy it. Lots of people don’t do much with their lives and are just ordinary people who work at the local shops, or hospital, maybe have a family, maybe treat them right or not, and die. Yes, our kiddos are the severe ones who won’t be independent. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be kind and valued members of the family and the world. I know it can seem like it’s the worst that can happen to them, but it’s not. It does suck and is hard for us, caregiving is super exhausting and stressful of even the sweetest kids. It’s ok to feel the way you feel and I do too at times, but being NT is no guarantee of smooth sailing., From a mom of a 10 yo who is nonverbal, severe, and has ADHD - for me it’s been simply time and learning to accept that there’s no changing it. I will always have periods of grief, that is its own lifelong journey. But I no longer obsess over the difficulties coming in the future, how things could be, etc. Do I still regret the journey I took that got me here (having a child with an abusive narcissist when I knew I’d probably end up a single mother)? Yes. But it can’t be undone. All I can do is try to make my child as happy as he can be in his particular circumstances and take care of him. That’s what I try to remember. The rest you just have to let go of. What’s done is done. I don’t mean for that to sound cruel. It’s just a truth we all have to accept. And yes I’m on antidepressants, and I’ve talked about things in therapy some., My faith consoles me. In Islam, there is a passage in the Quran  that puts me at ease. God does not burden a soul more than it can bear. It has [the good] it has earned, and [the evil] it has incurred. Our Lord, do not blame us if we forget or err. Our Lord, do not make us bear a burden like those before us. Our Lord, do not make us bear what We have no strength to bear.... Surah Baqarah, verse 286, My wife and I went through a period where we just cried every day. Now I am just trying to enjoy the years we have where he is little. We are blessed in many ways, he is very happy. His little brother is autistic as well but less severe, still Kirby the level of his peers, but I’m hopeful that once my wife and I pass his little brother can manage a trust for them both. On the day to day, we just keep trying. We have been using an app on the iPad that I like it’s called Wonster Words., Uprooting and ripping out the ablist ideas of what makes a life worth living and the capitalistic ideas of what makes a person valuable. Confronting my ideas of how being independent is the best possible thing to be, especially over being dependent. Making money and contributing taxes doesn't mean a person will be happy or fulfilled. Being happy and fulfilled can happen regardless of whether they can live independently and make money. We have been taught that being disabled and dependant is the worst possible thing when it doesn't have to be. Is it such a bad vision to imagine your son getting a disability income and volunteering part-time doing something he enjoys? Or maybe he goes to adult daycare and he does crafts, watches movies about his special interest, and learns living skills like learning to make Easy Mac. That doesn't seem like such a bad life as long as he has a purpose, things to do he enjoys, friends/family., Someone on here once posted a quote- “Comparison is the thief of joy”. This really resonated with me. I would compare my child to NT children and feel sad that he wasn't doing the same things. Don't get me wrong- I still do at times, but I've learned that my sweet little boy is still learning and growing every day. His goals may be different from others, but they are still deserving of the same kind of acknowledgement and excitement. His diagnosis never changed who he is- he's still the same sweet, funny, intelligent kid he's always been. Life may not turn out the way we had planned, but when does it ever? As long as he's happy and healthy, we can roll with whatever comes our way., These are normal feelings. don't let them consume you. Easier said than done 8 know! But You never wanna have the feeling that you gave up on your child. They can still live the best life possible bc he has you as his voice. Look into ABA therapy. My boy does 3 days and 2 days of school, Ah, what is normal anyway? Maybe my son is normal, and I'm the odd one in the family. All I know is that he's the best part of my day, and I think he feels the same judging by the snuggles he gives me multiple times a day. Whatever happens tomorrow, I'm his number one fan, and we're going places we've never been before. Until then, I'm celebrating all the accomplishments he's made so far. Your mindset is going to reflect on him, so keep your chin up so he knows that he shouldn't ever give up hope for a better today. Tomorrow can wait., NT kids can end up criminals or assholes. Your autistic child will be sweet forever., I could have wrote this post myself, only my son is 5. It’s a very hard thing to face isn’t it? We just have to keep doing this one day at a time. I love my son so much that I cry just thinking about what will happen if something ever happens to me. Who will care for him? It drives me mad. I’ve accepted that my life revolves around Autism. It will never be what it once was. I feel like we go through stages of mourning over and over. It’s endless. I feel better when I talk to other parents here going through the same things though. If you need to talk or vent, message me., I wish I had the answer to this myself. My son is 5- turns 6 in May and still nonverbal. It’s hard. For me it’s hardest the unknowing. Will he ever be able to communicate in a way that works for him. We’ve tried pecs, sign and he has an AAC device but the communication for things other than basic needs just aren’t there. But I hope that some day it comes. In the last few years it didn’t bother me so much because I thought it would get easier as he would get older and things really haven’t. It’s gotten harder. Harder to go places and harder to know what’s upsetting him at times etc. It’s been more isolating - and we’ve become even bigger homebodies due to never knowing how he’s going to be able to handle an adventure but also because he’s a runner and climber so us going places turns into us chasing him and then not getting to enjoy whatever it is we’re actually attempting to do. It’s tough. Plus he has no interest in much which also makes it hard to do things other than going to a park when it’s nice or going to the trampoline park. Both he enjoys and we can have a good time. Anything else is pure chaos. I try my best not to compare him to NT kiddos but also other autistic kiddos. I have several friends with autistic kids and their experiences just aren’t the same as mine on so many levels. And some things for us are easier than for them . Each kid is so uniquely different . I myself am trying very hard to not be discouraged and just keep trying different things and hope that things will click and become easier. But yes there’s a high chance that I’ll be his caregiver forever but ya know there are NT people who grow up and still can’t get their shit together and live with their parents too so you truly just never know 🤣, I wish I had words for you, I have a 5 yr old non-verbal daugher and I'm damn near suicidal most days. It's been 3 years since the diagnosis and no amount of therapy or anti-depressants have helped. I am grieving a lost child til this day., - son is non verbal and somewhere between level 2 and 3. Is that what it says on his diagnosis? - I’m watching different documentaries that have autistic older children… Documentaries, although non-fiction is nonetheless a scripted film intended to have dramatic effect. You shouldn’t get hung up on that., Probably different being autistic ourselves but they couldn't have been anyone else, and in general they're happy so so are we., You need to find something for you. You need time to yourself and that time doesn't even have to be meaningful., Yes, my kid is 3 and even though she is progressing, I keep thinking about myself with her in my arms when she was a newborn and dreaming about how things would be when she is 3, I thought my life would be amazing because I had a niece who was 3 when my daughter was born and I loved spending time with her... now my kid is 3 and nowhere near that, this Christmas she will be 4 and I keep wondering if maybe this time she will understand or if all year it's going to be like this: hoping for something that will never happen, sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for a fish to fly... and what it's worse is that when she is "normal", I get a glimpse of what life could have been and it's so amazing, for that brief moment that she engages and look at me I know that a typical motherhood is amazing but then she start running and ignore me and everything goes black again., I once read a quote: Your child’s greatest limitation is your lowest expectation. That really stuck with me. While obviously autism is a disability, when we raise our expectations we do leave space for our kids to rise to meet them. Your kiddo might yet surprise you!, Keep praying my son is the same just be very patient they're very smart just because it doesn't seem or look. There's sensory at Walmart or order online that helps just have to educate yourself more about the conditions. I'm learning with him don't look at it as a bad thing, find his favorite snacks in public it's very hard tantrums but you just have to be patient and learn with him look at it as a challenge not a let down the progress even little you'll be happy knowing. Einstein was autistic, I often feel this way too. But one thing that helps me sometimes is to think about what I’m gaining through this experience. Crazy, I know, and definitely do not have the intention of invalidating how hard it truly is bc IT IS hard af. But with that said, I realized two things: 1. We never were going to know how it was going to go. Like one awesome commenter on here said, our views of life is myopic. Our ideas of the future are based upon our ideas and attachments. If it wasn’t autism, it could have been any number of things and certainly ALL of us deal with difficulties in our lives. Our kids were NEVER going to be safe from the world, it was more about HOW. And, trust me, I know MANY NT adults that are wayyyyy unhappier than Autistic people that I know. This condition does not mean they have to have a bad life, just a unique one. Which brings me to… 2. We get to have a very unique experience, for better or worse, regarding having a child. In some ways that is harder, but if you look hard enough in some ways it’s very beautiful. My child is also non verbal with no signs of ever changing. It has shifted my perspective about many things, especially communication. My view on communication has expanded so much since having him to include all the dozens of types of non verbal communication that was always happening I just didn’t pay attention to it. Like body language, tone, showing love thru other ways like thoughtful gifts, cuddles when I can, playing etc. This perspective has deepened my relationships with everyone, not just my son, and changed how I see the world in a meaningful way. Some spiritualists say that our children are our greatest teachers. And, although this lesson is tough, it’s taught me so much about life and love. Hang in there ❤️, My son is turning 5 in March and is nonverbal. He was recently introduced to an AAC device and within a few weeks started spelling things on his own, without ever having been introduced to typing (instead of tapping the image). At first, he just wanted to make noise and play with the AAC device but once he realized it could be used for requests he became more interested in communication in general. Is your son getting speech support? Now that my kid has a way of communicating, he's actually starting to verbalize more and we've realized there's a bright kid in there. I know my son will always be different. His eloping and destruction make it impossible to go into public with him for now. However, I hope him having a "voice" will help and we are going to begin training a service dog next year. The dog will be tethered to his waist and will help with eloping, emotional regulation, etc. There are solutions to have a good life for yourself and for your son. I feel so defeated at times but the more I reach out, the more I notice a really big community of parents who want to help each other in my own town., I do what I can to make our lives easier. Our life is nothing like I imagined it would be. I said no to ABA bc I didn’t want him in therapy 50 hours a week. I did speech and OT on and off for years. Had lots of bad days where specialists said nasty things. Now he is 7. I decided to homeschool because i think if therapists can’t deal with him for 30 mins how is a teacher going to last all day with 10 other kids? I dropped the therapies and started a music therapy class with him. And in just two classes he had more eye contact and more speech than I’ve ever heard in all our years of therapy. It’s unreal. Of course insurance won’t pay for music therapy though. Anyways just adjust your life to make it better for you all. No ones story is the same and you don’t have to listen to all the advice everyone gives you. If I did, they’d want my kid medicated to attend school., Hey, just because it’s hard now doesn’t mean it will be hard forever. Look at Elon - he’s on the spectrum but he made Tesla! You’ve got this!, I don’t know what advice I can give. As an autistic person, attitudes like yours are what make me feel hopeless. The idea that we will never be accepted, that we will always be considered a disappointment, a cause for hopelessness. The only advice I can give is that your son will not have a less vivid life because he is autistic, he will only have a less vivid life if you allow your internalized ableism to affect him. Children can tell when their parents are disappointed in them. Please question why you want your son to be “normal” rather than “happy”. Please question why you feel you’ve “lost a child” just because your real, existing child is different. And for the love of god, even if you can’t get over your own ableism, please don’t put your kid in ABA. It is so harmful and traumatizing., Sometimes I find that learning from autistic adults on social media helps. It can still be stressful but I love seeing the hope and excitement from their perspectives as they continue to thrive and build lives for themselves and provide insight on their childhoods and how they have communicated/ processed everything., I think over time you’ll gain more acceptance. It was really hard for me too, but it has gotten better. When my daughter was diagnosed, I felt the same as you described. It’s so much to process, and it’s really very hard. It is almost a grieving process. After a year or two I came to terms with where we’re at, and how our future might look. (Although I try not to think about the future much.) We can’t change our situation, but we can look for the best. This is the hand we were dealt. Most importantly, as everyone says, comparison is the thief of joy. I can relate though. We rarely go out together because she has meltdowns where she injures herself. Playgrounds are awkward because of her behavior with other kids. Trying to make friends with other parents has been really difficult. It’s lonely. I’m on an antidepressant, and I think that really helps. I’m taking it one day at a time, and I’m looking for the good. I hope you feel better soon!, I know this probably won't help but I try my hardest to focus on the good moments. If i let the bad moments take hold of me it becomes so difficult to dig my way out of that negative thinking. I focus on how far we have come and how the future is never predictable and anything can happen, also how I won't have to deal with some of the difficult things that come with neurotypical kids as well. I have to remind myself that I dont know the future and the advances that will come in medicine so I can't predict how things will be-so why worry myself sick over them? I try to maintain hope and when I need a mental break, I take it so I can keep that clarity and get back into parenting the best I can with the circumstances we were given., keep an open mind, provide as much support as they get older as possible and it can greatly impact the future. Children as a whole develop and learn at astonishing rates so as long as you dont give up or put limits on him based off expectation things wont feel so overwhealming. It's okay to mourn what could have been but remember to live you life day by day and just enjoy what you do have., I felt the same way. had a lot of ugly crying over it. I wanted to do so many things and it felt like a normal childhood was snatched from me but I'm doing the best I can. my son is in a good school district and getting therapy. he didnt speak until halfway thru kindergarten when I got his IEP done and he began speech therapy. before he began kindergarten, the pandemic happened.  during that time,  I was able to get a subscription for Gemiini (that's Gemini with two i's in the middle) to help prepare him for school and it helped because i never had him in preschool so learning around other kids the first time was a bit of a crapshoot. i had homeschooled him so when he went to kindergarten, he knew how to write and read and was already on the first grade level. I had constant complaints from the teacher until he was tested and placed in a special Ed class. doing much better in a smaller class setting and the teacher teaches K to 4th. so when she noticed he was bored doing kindergarten worksheets, she began giving him first grade work and the behavior issues stopped for a time.  I hope to buy Geminii system again soon because it helped with his social skills. he's in second grade now and speaking more. he still points to things instead of asking/telling me what he wants. now he will answer basic questions like if I ask if he wants juice and he says no, I want water. I'm looking for housing with a big, enclosed yard so my son can run and practice soccer. he's picked up the sport and the footwork and I find it so cool he has something he's interested in. doubt he'll play on a team but you never know.  he tends to elope from school which is super frustrating.  Im  looking for a ranch style home and big yard to burn off that energy. unfortunately the area I'm in is a "hot" area and as a single parent, i  can't afford to live here. 🥺  the next town over is considered rural and I can get this one house i'm eyeing on a USDA loan and the house is huge with an even bigger yard . the school district isn't the best. I'll figure out something. , This 💫, Exactly. Speaking to a parent of a autistic child recently. Their child just left home to attend university and he is thriving in the environment. They told me that they didnt expect this to happen a year ago never mind 10 years ago. When he was a young child the idea of university was utterly inconvievable. Moral of the story: Give them to tools, environment and upbringing to learn and develop and they may just suprise you. Stay strong, think positive and celebrate the good things your child does., Absoluteky this! my daughter is about to turn 7 and she surprises me and makes me tear up on a regular basis. One thing I've learned quickly is autism can be wildly unpredictable., Thank you for this perspective, Wow, there is SO much wisdom in this comment. Can someone nominate it for “Best of” or whatever it’s called? Especially “Man can handle just about any kind of suffering if we know how long.” I suffered with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) during both of my pregnancies. It’s literally hell on earth. You know that horrible 1-2 hours of intense nausea you get right before you throw up for the first time during a stomach flu? Well imagine suffering like that for 27 weeks straight. Not just 1-2 hours - 4,536 hours. The first time I had HG, I was suicidal. It felt like it was never going to end (even though I logically knew I couldn’t stay pregnant forever). The second time was WAY easier, mentally, because I knew it was going to stop at 27 weeks. And you are totally right — the future is a fantasy. Even a neurotypical kid can come down with cancer at any moment, get in a freak car accident and be paralyzed from the neck down, and live a totally “lesser” life than what your ASD kid will. But our human brains just pick the fantasy version when we think of the future to compare., Hey just wanted to say you’re doing a great job and you sound like an awesome parent ❤️ hope you feel better soon, I'm going to give this app a try, thank you for sharing, This kind of resonates with me, because three years ago, I had a 5 year old, completely non-verbal daughter who wouldn't understand things like "later" or "we have to first finish A before you can do B" and would throw herself on the ground screaming the moment things didn't go her way (and it's really hard to tell what "her way" is when she cannot voice it). Now I have a sweet 8 year old who is trying really hard to communicate in ways that we can understand and doing her best to connect. Last weekend one of her little friends was celebrating his birthday and she remembered and told me " I want ... to yoouu". I didn't get it of course, so she started singing the happy birthday song. So I asked her: "Do you want to go to the birthday?" "Yes Mamaa, I want birthday..... party!" "The party is later. Let's first get dressed". "Ok Mama! I wait!" I would have never, ever thought such communication could be possible three years ago. At the time, I felt so disappointed that this is our life. But now, even though I know she may always struggle and even though she has extreme challenges in some areas, I feel like she will find her way and us as a family, too. The mindset of what could have been or would have been still sometimes slips in, but our babies are whole people in the end, and even though they may be different, they will grow up into the best person they can be with our help., I think your opinion and perspective is so valid in this page as an autistic person, but I think as a parent of an autistic child, and at the face of it- autism is a disability. As im sure you are so aware, it causes a lot of pieces of life to be more difficult than a NT person. Its hard as a parent to want that for your child, to be content that they are now traveling down a harder path. It doesn't mean this parent doesnt want their child to be normal over happy. it means they are grieving their expectation of speech and connection that one may look forward to with NT child. It doesn't mean they are ableist. I feel like this comment is really reaching. This parent is sad and processing that instead of having a NT child that will graduate and be independent at 18 they may need to provide care for a lifetime and find a carer after they die. Their feelings are valid., Wow this made me tear up picturing their son thriving in life, thank you for sharing!, They understand and know more than they might seem because they often struggle to communicate and don't have the urge to show off., Thank you so much 🌈 That means a lot. Back at the trampoline park with my boy this morning., It even has customizable spelling lists, that’s our favorite

Concerned about daughter's stimming

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if anyone else's child stims the way mine does? She has been doing this since about 10 months old (she will be 2 in May). When she is very excited, or tired, she will tense up and start shaking for about 5-10 secs.. sometimes she makes a face as well. Lately I'm noticing it's almost like it looks painful..the face she's making looks like she's in pain. I showed a video of it to her pediatrician and he assured me it is a stim, but I've never seen any other child do this. Also, she does it pretty frequently throughout the day, so it is starting to worry me a bit that maybe it's something else. She also sometimes twirls her hands while she's shaking, but not always. She does it mostly when she hears certain songs or books, or sees something outside that's exciting (for example a dog). Has anyone else experienced this stim? Edit: Thank you everyone for responding! It has taken some anxiety away knowing it's a normal stim for many others 😅

Does she look like she’s going to power up into Super Saiyan like in Dragon Ball Z? My son did that occasionally when he got really happy and excited. He rarely flaps and the “flexing” was more common. I always thought it was cute. He doesn’t do it all that much at 3. It was more common between 12-24 months. Like any stims if it isn’t harming herself and others then let her do it. It’s a way of showing joy and/or regulating., Yep. It's one of my favorite things 😂 it's so cute. It means she's super happy/excited. We took her to see her favorite show live and she did it so many times. 😂 she just turned 3., My daughter does the same. It's proper intense. Unlike everyone else here my daughter is a flapper but she does the intense tensing thing when she's really really happy about something and it only seems to have got more often as she's got older, she's now 5, Yep! My stepson still does this going on 7. It stopped for a while now it’s back. Sometimes I have to remind him to breathe or be careful because he’s flexing so hard his neck veins pop out and his face turns super red. He just started doing it at school after being sick and they were concerned about seizures. He’s got a specialist appointment coming up to be sure but seeing a video his pediatrician said, yep looks like a stim to me but better safe then sorry., Oh my son does this. Or sometimes he will hold out his hands in front of himself and just tense up and start shaking his hands/arms. I think it's cute. :) He's 6 and it used to be a much more common stim for him when he was younger but this week he started doing it again, it made me smile. He usually does it when he's excited., Yes!! lol my child would do something pretty similar. We say “He’s Hulking out”, it was mainly if he was frustrated. It was before we had them diagnosed. So, our knowledge and experience was not there yet. They would also do it in times of excitement and still does today but in a bit of a different way., my son (almost 3 level 2 autism) did that when he was younger! now when he makes his “nervous face” he only shakes his head or when he’s super excited! im pretty positive the face you’re referring to as “painful” is them tensing their heads so it also shakes! i also did this when i was younger :), My 2.5 year old boy does this! He'll tense up and clench his fists when he gets excited. I don't think you need to worry :), My oldest did this. I don't believe she did it past the age of three if I'm remembering correctly but that was a long time ago. She is 30 now. I have also seen this type of stim in some of my friends kids as well as quite a few of the preschoolers I worked with over the years., My son used to do this but he stopped somewhere around 2.5., My daughter used to do this as well she 4.5 now, My 2 and a half year old does this and my 4 year old used to as well but stopped around age 3., Oh man, you just reminded me of when my son did this lol. It was so cute. Hes 4 now, almost 5 and doesn't do it anymore but I was nervous at first as well. But once I saw he did it when excited, I just let him do his thing, My son does this. I ended up taking him to get his eyes checked, because i thought that was the issue. He needed glasses, but he still does it. 😂, My son went through a pretty intense stimming phase. When he was stressed, excited or over stimulated his stimming would become pretty intense. A lot of parents get embarrassed by this but it’s just a natural reaction for them. It’s a release for them. Figit toys help. Keeping things that are overstimulating to a minimum helps. When my son got old enough, we talked about it and he says that he’s completely aware of it when it happens but it’s something he needs to do. Now that he’s a teenager, he’s become more self conscious about it, so he spends most of his time at school or in public “masking” that behavior so people don’t see it. However, when he comes home he might go into our backyard and run back and forth with some stimming behaviors with his arms, or he jumps while playing his video games. We used to say something to him but now we know that he needs that time bc it’s what helps keep him in balance from all the time he spends masking in public., Daughter does the same thing. It’s since passed but she still does it on occasion. It looked like it could be painful but at most she’s squeezed out a toot 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son is 2 and he shakes his head a lot. It usually means he's excited, but sometimes he's overstimulated. Sometimes he'll make eye contact with me while doing it, that means he wants me to shake my head too. He's shaken his head to say "no" exactly 3 times in his life lol., My daughter does this, when she was little I always thought there was words on the tip of her tongue she was trying so hard to get out in a moment of happiness, she’s 9 now & still does this!!, Yup! My 3 year old does this occasionally!, Yes, my guy (3.5) still does this regularly, and has since he was a baby. It seems like he just gets so excited that the excitement spills into his muscles. Used to be he'd kind of throw both of his hands out and grunt and tense up his whole body. For a while, he found watching water fountains and water being poured from a pitcher incredibly exciting, so we used to jokingly call this a "pourgasm". :) There was a brief period where he started blinking hard/closing his eyes for a moment while he did it, and I started to get worried that there might be some seizure thing happening, but this phase passed without incident. Now he tends to grunt less, and usually has one hand balled up in a fist and held up by his shoulder and the other kind of splayed at his side, and he tenses up his body and grimaces (maybe not the best word, but kind of scrunches his face in an unusual way). These days, it's more often when he's looking at (or imagining/talking about) fans spinning (which is his big interest) or sometimes other things that interest/amuse/excite him (like cake). He has lots of other stims as well (both when happy and when stressed), but for him this particular body posturing/tensing thing is primarily a manifestation of excitement. Probably wouldn't hurt to mention it to the pediatrician just in case, especially if it intensifies or is accompanied by other symptoms or regression of skills. But it may just be, like so many of us have observed, just a way our kids express their emotions physically. Best wishes to you and your family!, LOL 🤣 yes exactly like that. She never used to make such a painful looking face though, if that makes sense. She would just get a cute little double chin, it was funny. Now it's almost like her eyes look like she feels pain, but she doesn't cry or anything so I wasn't sure what was going on. It is definitely reassuring that others experience it though. Thanks for the laugh 😃, My guy still does it at 2 1/2. I love it. He also flaps, but first he powers up., Hahahahahahah mine def looks like this, Mine does too and it’s adorable., My 12yo son is a flapper too and this just unlocked forgotten memories of him doing this at a really young age as well. Interesting. If I really think about it, I only picture him doing it around 2 years old-ish, so I guess what they’re saying is right about it stopping eventually., Okay that is reassuring to hear! Thank you., Lol my daughter has definitely squeezed out a few too 🤣, lol no problem! From what it seems like in other comments many of the kids stop or rarely do it by 3. I wonder why. I always thought it was a cute stim. :), Does she look like she’s going to power up into Super Saiyan like in Dragon Ball Z? My son did that occasionally when he got really happy and excited. He rarely flaps and the “flexing” was more common. I always thought it was cute. He doesn’t do it all that much at 3. It was more common between 12-24 months. Like any stims if it isn’t harming herself and others then let her do it. It’s a way of showing joy and/or regulating., Yep. It's one of my favorite things 😂 it's so cute. It means she's super happy/excited. We took her to see her favorite show live and she did it so many times. 😂 she just turned 3., My daughter does the same. It's proper intense. Unlike everyone else here my daughter is a flapper but she does the intense tensing thing when she's really really happy about something and it only seems to have got more often as she's got older, she's now 5, Yep! My stepson still does this going on 7. It stopped for a while now it’s back. Sometimes I have to remind him to breathe or be careful because he’s flexing so hard his neck veins pop out and his face turns super red. He just started doing it at school after being sick and they were concerned about seizures. He’s got a specialist appointment coming up to be sure but seeing a video his pediatrician said, yep looks like a stim to me but better safe then sorry., Oh my son does this. Or sometimes he will hold out his hands in front of himself and just tense up and start shaking his hands/arms. I think it's cute. :) He's 6 and it used to be a much more common stim for him when he was younger but this week he started doing it again, it made me smile. He usually does it when he's excited., Yes!! lol my child would do something pretty similar. We say “He’s Hulking out”, it was mainly if he was frustrated. It was before we had them diagnosed. So, our knowledge and experience was not there yet. They would also do it in times of excitement and still does today but in a bit of a different way., my son (almost 3 level 2 autism) did that when he was younger! now when he makes his “nervous face” he only shakes his head or when he’s super excited! im pretty positive the face you’re referring to as “painful” is them tensing their heads so it also shakes! i also did this when i was younger :), My 2.5 year old boy does this! He'll tense up and clench his fists when he gets excited. I don't think you need to worry :), My oldest did this. I don't believe she did it past the age of three if I'm remembering correctly but that was a long time ago. She is 30 now. I have also seen this type of stim in some of my friends kids as well as quite a few of the preschoolers I worked with over the years., My son used to do this but he stopped somewhere around 2.5., My daughter used to do this as well she 4.5 now, My 2 and a half year old does this and my 4 year old used to as well but stopped around age 3., Oh man, you just reminded me of when my son did this lol. It was so cute. Hes 4 now, almost 5 and doesn't do it anymore but I was nervous at first as well. But once I saw he did it when excited, I just let him do his thing, My son does this. I ended up taking him to get his eyes checked, because i thought that was the issue. He needed glasses, but he still does it. 😂, My son went through a pretty intense stimming phase. When he was stressed, excited or over stimulated his stimming would become pretty intense. A lot of parents get embarrassed by this but it’s just a natural reaction for them. It’s a release for them. Figit toys help. Keeping things that are overstimulating to a minimum helps. When my son got old enough, we talked about it and he says that he’s completely aware of it when it happens but it’s something he needs to do. Now that he’s a teenager, he’s become more self conscious about it, so he spends most of his time at school or in public “masking” that behavior so people don’t see it. However, when he comes home he might go into our backyard and run back and forth with some stimming behaviors with his arms, or he jumps while playing his video games. We used to say something to him but now we know that he needs that time bc it’s what helps keep him in balance from all the time he spends masking in public., Daughter does the same thing. It’s since passed but she still does it on occasion. It looked like it could be painful but at most she’s squeezed out a toot 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son is 2 and he shakes his head a lot. It usually means he's excited, but sometimes he's overstimulated. Sometimes he'll make eye contact with me while doing it, that means he wants me to shake my head too. He's shaken his head to say "no" exactly 3 times in his life lol., My daughter does this, when she was little I always thought there was words on the tip of her tongue she was trying so hard to get out in a moment of happiness, she’s 9 now & still does this!!, Yup! My 3 year old does this occasionally!, Yes, my guy (3.5) still does this regularly, and has since he was a baby. It seems like he just gets so excited that the excitement spills into his muscles. Used to be he'd kind of throw both of his hands out and grunt and tense up his whole body. For a while, he found watching water fountains and water being poured from a pitcher incredibly exciting, so we used to jokingly call this a "pourgasm". :) There was a brief period where he started blinking hard/closing his eyes for a moment while he did it, and I started to get worried that there might be some seizure thing happening, but this phase passed without incident. Now he tends to grunt less, and usually has one hand balled up in a fist and held up by his shoulder and the other kind of splayed at his side, and he tenses up his body and grimaces (maybe not the best word, but kind of scrunches his face in an unusual way). These days, it's more often when he's looking at (or imagining/talking about) fans spinning (which is his big interest) or sometimes other things that interest/amuse/excite him (like cake). He has lots of other stims as well (both when happy and when stressed), but for him this particular body posturing/tensing thing is primarily a manifestation of excitement. Probably wouldn't hurt to mention it to the pediatrician just in case, especially if it intensifies or is accompanied by other symptoms or regression of skills. But it may just be, like so many of us have observed, just a way our kids express their emotions physically. Best wishes to you and your family!, LOL 🤣 yes exactly like that. She never used to make such a painful looking face though, if that makes sense. She would just get a cute little double chin, it was funny. Now it's almost like her eyes look like she feels pain, but she doesn't cry or anything so I wasn't sure what was going on. It is definitely reassuring that others experience it though. Thanks for the laugh 😃, My guy still does it at 2 1/2. I love it. He also flaps, but first he powers up., Hahahahahahah mine def looks like this, Mine does too and it’s adorable., My 12yo son is a flapper too and this just unlocked forgotten memories of him doing this at a really young age as well. Interesting. If I really think about it, I only picture him doing it around 2 years old-ish, so I guess what they’re saying is right about it stopping eventually., Okay that is reassuring to hear! Thank you., Lol my daughter has definitely squeezed out a few too 🤣, lol no problem! From what it seems like in other comments many of the kids stop or rarely do it by 3. I wonder why. I always thought it was a cute stim. :), Does she look like she’s going to power up into Super Saiyan like in Dragon Ball Z? My son did that occasionally when he got really happy and excited. He rarely flaps and the “flexing” was more common. I always thought it was cute. He doesn’t do it all that much at 3. It was more common between 12-24 months. Like any stims if it isn’t harming herself and others then let her do it. It’s a way of showing joy and/or regulating., Yep. It's one of my favorite things 😂 it's so cute. It means she's super happy/excited. We took her to see her favorite show live and she did it so many times. 😂 she just turned 3., My daughter does the same. It's proper intense. Unlike everyone else here my daughter is a flapper but she does the intense tensing thing when she's really really happy about something and it only seems to have got more often as she's got older, she's now 5, Yep! My stepson still does this going on 7. It stopped for a while now it’s back. Sometimes I have to remind him to breathe or be careful because he’s flexing so hard his neck veins pop out and his face turns super red. He just started doing it at school after being sick and they were concerned about seizures. He’s got a specialist appointment coming up to be sure but seeing a video his pediatrician said, yep looks like a stim to me but better safe then sorry., Oh my son does this. Or sometimes he will hold out his hands in front of himself and just tense up and start shaking his hands/arms. I think it's cute. :) He's 6 and it used to be a much more common stim for him when he was younger but this week he started doing it again, it made me smile. He usually does it when he's excited., Yes!! lol my child would do something pretty similar. We say “He’s Hulking out”, it was mainly if he was frustrated. It was before we had them diagnosed. So, our knowledge and experience was not there yet. They would also do it in times of excitement and still does today but in a bit of a different way., my son (almost 3 level 2 autism) did that when he was younger! now when he makes his “nervous face” he only shakes his head or when he’s super excited! im pretty positive the face you’re referring to as “painful” is them tensing their heads so it also shakes! i also did this when i was younger :), My 2.5 year old boy does this! He'll tense up and clench his fists when he gets excited. I don't think you need to worry :), My oldest did this. I don't believe she did it past the age of three if I'm remembering correctly but that was a long time ago. She is 30 now. I have also seen this type of stim in some of my friends kids as well as quite a few of the preschoolers I worked with over the years., My son used to do this but he stopped somewhere around 2.5., My daughter used to do this as well she 4.5 now, My 2 and a half year old does this and my 4 year old used to as well but stopped around age 3., Oh man, you just reminded me of when my son did this lol. It was so cute. Hes 4 now, almost 5 and doesn't do it anymore but I was nervous at first as well. But once I saw he did it when excited, I just let him do his thing, My son does this. I ended up taking him to get his eyes checked, because i thought that was the issue. He needed glasses, but he still does it. 😂, My son went through a pretty intense stimming phase. When he was stressed, excited or over stimulated his stimming would become pretty intense. A lot of parents get embarrassed by this but it’s just a natural reaction for them. It’s a release for them. Figit toys help. Keeping things that are overstimulating to a minimum helps. When my son got old enough, we talked about it and he says that he’s completely aware of it when it happens but it’s something he needs to do. Now that he’s a teenager, he’s become more self conscious about it, so he spends most of his time at school or in public “masking” that behavior so people don’t see it. However, when he comes home he might go into our backyard and run back and forth with some stimming behaviors with his arms, or he jumps while playing his video games. We used to say something to him but now we know that he needs that time bc it’s what helps keep him in balance from all the time he spends masking in public., Daughter does the same thing. It’s since passed but she still does it on occasion. It looked like it could be painful but at most she’s squeezed out a toot 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son is 2 and he shakes his head a lot. It usually means he's excited, but sometimes he's overstimulated. Sometimes he'll make eye contact with me while doing it, that means he wants me to shake my head too. He's shaken his head to say "no" exactly 3 times in his life lol., My daughter does this, when she was little I always thought there was words on the tip of her tongue she was trying so hard to get out in a moment of happiness, she’s 9 now & still does this!!, Yup! My 3 year old does this occasionally!, Yes, my guy (3.5) still does this regularly, and has since he was a baby. It seems like he just gets so excited that the excitement spills into his muscles. Used to be he'd kind of throw both of his hands out and grunt and tense up his whole body. For a while, he found watching water fountains and water being poured from a pitcher incredibly exciting, so we used to jokingly call this a "pourgasm". :) There was a brief period where he started blinking hard/closing his eyes for a moment while he did it, and I started to get worried that there might be some seizure thing happening, but this phase passed without incident. Now he tends to grunt less, and usually has one hand balled up in a fist and held up by his shoulder and the other kind of splayed at his side, and he tenses up his body and grimaces (maybe not the best word, but kind of scrunches his face in an unusual way). These days, it's more often when he's looking at (or imagining/talking about) fans spinning (which is his big interest) or sometimes other things that interest/amuse/excite him (like cake). He has lots of other stims as well (both when happy and when stressed), but for him this particular body posturing/tensing thing is primarily a manifestation of excitement. Probably wouldn't hurt to mention it to the pediatrician just in case, especially if it intensifies or is accompanied by other symptoms or regression of skills. But it may just be, like so many of us have observed, just a way our kids express their emotions physically. Best wishes to you and your family!, LOL 🤣 yes exactly like that. She never used to make such a painful looking face though, if that makes sense. She would just get a cute little double chin, it was funny. Now it's almost like her eyes look like she feels pain, but she doesn't cry or anything so I wasn't sure what was going on. It is definitely reassuring that others experience it though. Thanks for the laugh 😃, My guy still does it at 2 1/2. I love it. He also flaps, but first he powers up., Hahahahahahah mine def looks like this, Mine does too and it’s adorable., My 12yo son is a flapper too and this just unlocked forgotten memories of him doing this at a really young age as well. Interesting. If I really think about it, I only picture him doing it around 2 years old-ish, so I guess what they’re saying is right about it stopping eventually., Okay that is reassuring to hear! Thank you., Lol my daughter has definitely squeezed out a few too 🤣, lol no problem! From what it seems like in other comments many of the kids stop or rarely do it by 3. I wonder why. I always thought it was a cute stim. :), Does she look like she’s going to power up into Super Saiyan like in Dragon Ball Z? My son did that occasionally when he got really happy and excited. He rarely flaps and the “flexing” was more common. I always thought it was cute. He doesn’t do it all that much at 3. It was more common between 12-24 months. Like any stims if it isn’t harming herself and others then let her do it. It’s a way of showing joy and/or regulating., Yep. It's one of my favorite things 😂 it's so cute. It means she's super happy/excited. We took her to see her favorite show live and she did it so many times. 😂 she just turned 3., My daughter does the same. It's proper intense. Unlike everyone else here my daughter is a flapper but she does the intense tensing thing when she's really really happy about something and it only seems to have got more often as she's got older, she's now 5, Yep! My stepson still does this going on 7. It stopped for a while now it’s back. Sometimes I have to remind him to breathe or be careful because he’s flexing so hard his neck veins pop out and his face turns super red. He just started doing it at school after being sick and they were concerned about seizures. He’s got a specialist appointment coming up to be sure but seeing a video his pediatrician said, yep looks like a stim to me but better safe then sorry., Oh my son does this. Or sometimes he will hold out his hands in front of himself and just tense up and start shaking his hands/arms. I think it's cute. :) He's 6 and it used to be a much more common stim for him when he was younger but this week he started doing it again, it made me smile. He usually does it when he's excited., Yes!! lol my child would do something pretty similar. We say “He’s Hulking out”, it was mainly if he was frustrated. It was before we had them diagnosed. So, our knowledge and experience was not there yet. They would also do it in times of excitement and still does today but in a bit of a different way., my son (almost 3 level 2 autism) did that when he was younger! now when he makes his “nervous face” he only shakes his head or when he’s super excited! im pretty positive the face you’re referring to as “painful” is them tensing their heads so it also shakes! i also did this when i was younger :), My 2.5 year old boy does this! He'll tense up and clench his fists when he gets excited. I don't think you need to worry :), My oldest did this. I don't believe she did it past the age of three if I'm remembering correctly but that was a long time ago. She is 30 now. I have also seen this type of stim in some of my friends kids as well as quite a few of the preschoolers I worked with over the years., My son used to do this but he stopped somewhere around 2.5., My daughter used to do this as well she 4.5 now, My 2 and a half year old does this and my 4 year old used to as well but stopped around age 3., Oh man, you just reminded me of when my son did this lol. It was so cute. Hes 4 now, almost 5 and doesn't do it anymore but I was nervous at first as well. But once I saw he did it when excited, I just let him do his thing, My son does this. I ended up taking him to get his eyes checked, because i thought that was the issue. He needed glasses, but he still does it. 😂, My son went through a pretty intense stimming phase. When he was stressed, excited or over stimulated his stimming would become pretty intense. A lot of parents get embarrassed by this but it’s just a natural reaction for them. It’s a release for them. Figit toys help. Keeping things that are overstimulating to a minimum helps. When my son got old enough, we talked about it and he says that he’s completely aware of it when it happens but it’s something he needs to do. Now that he’s a teenager, he’s become more self conscious about it, so he spends most of his time at school or in public “masking” that behavior so people don’t see it. However, when he comes home he might go into our backyard and run back and forth with some stimming behaviors with his arms, or he jumps while playing his video games. We used to say something to him but now we know that he needs that time bc it’s what helps keep him in balance from all the time he spends masking in public., Daughter does the same thing. It’s since passed but she still does it on occasion. It looked like it could be painful but at most she’s squeezed out a toot 🤷🏻‍♀️, My son is 2 and he shakes his head a lot. It usually means he's excited, but sometimes he's overstimulated. Sometimes he'll make eye contact with me while doing it, that means he wants me to shake my head too. He's shaken his head to say "no" exactly 3 times in his life lol., My daughter does this, when she was little I always thought there was words on the tip of her tongue she was trying so hard to get out in a moment of happiness, she’s 9 now & still does this!!, Yup! My 3 year old does this occasionally!, Yes, my guy (3.5) still does this regularly, and has since he was a baby. It seems like he just gets so excited that the excitement spills into his muscles. Used to be he'd kind of throw both of his hands out and grunt and tense up his whole body. For a while, he found watching water fountains and water being poured from a pitcher incredibly exciting, so we used to jokingly call this a "pourgasm". :) There was a brief period where he started blinking hard/closing his eyes for a moment while he did it, and I started to get worried that there might be some seizure thing happening, but this phase passed without incident. Now he tends to grunt less, and usually has one hand balled up in a fist and held up by his shoulder and the other kind of splayed at his side, and he tenses up his body and grimaces (maybe not the best word, but kind of scrunches his face in an unusual way). These days, it's more often when he's looking at (or imagining/talking about) fans spinning (which is his big interest) or sometimes other things that interest/amuse/excite him (like cake). He has lots of other stims as well (both when happy and when stressed), but for him this particular body posturing/tensing thing is primarily a manifestation of excitement. Probably wouldn't hurt to mention it to the pediatrician just in case, especially if it intensifies or is accompanied by other symptoms or regression of skills. But it may just be, like so many of us have observed, just a way our kids express their emotions physically. Best wishes to you and your family!, LOL 🤣 yes exactly like that. She never used to make such a painful looking face though, if that makes sense. She would just get a cute little double chin, it was funny. Now it's almost like her eyes look like she feels pain, but she doesn't cry or anything so I wasn't sure what was going on. It is definitely reassuring that others experience it though. Thanks for the laugh 😃, My guy still does it at 2 1/2. I love it. He also flaps, but first he powers up., Hahahahahahah mine def looks like this, Mine does too and it’s adorable., My 12yo son is a flapper too and this just unlocked forgotten memories of him doing this at a really young age as well. Interesting. If I really think about it, I only picture him doing it around 2 years old-ish, so I guess what they’re saying is right about it stopping eventually., Okay that is reassuring to hear! Thank you., Lol my daughter has definitely squeezed out a few too 🤣, lol no problem! From what it seems like in other comments many of the kids stop or rarely do it by 3. I wonder why. I always thought it was a cute stim. :)

Concerns about moving and gaps in services

My son is 2.5 and level 2. We got him diagnosed early at 18 months and into 20 hours of ABA at 2. He also receives speech and OT through early intervention. I am very happy with all of his therapy and think he is making some progress. All of this is covered by Medicaid as he has Medical Assistance. We moved to PA from NY a year and a half ago as a TEMPORARY move for me to be near family while I gave birth to my second child. Our plan was to move to wherever my husband was accepted into a PhD program in music technology after one year. Well, now I am terrified of moving. I’m worried about a gap in services because I know the waitlists are sometimes 2 years long. I’m worried we’ll lose a good thing. We’re also in an excellent school district for when he goes to school. I’m worried about coverage of services. My husband has his masters and is so hard working and talented, working as a professional musician in NYC for 15 years. Unfortunately, his career path makes it hard for him to find employment in his field in central PA. He is working as a server at a nice restaurant, something we’ve both done for years. It’s a valid job but we’ve put so much time and energy into him building up this career, and he is getting older and serving is becoming physically taxing as well as soul crushing (as anyone who works in the industry knows). We never see each other as he works in the evenings and I drive our son to ABA during the day and wait for him, as it’s 40 minutes away. My thinking is that maybe we could leave in 3 years when my son starts kindergarten and would leave his daytime ABA anyway. Stanford in CA is one school he is looking at, if anyone has any feedback on services and waitlists. I’m a little confused on insurance and how that works for a child when moving from state to state. He has Medical Assistance in PA, meaning he basically has his own insurance. We currently have insurance through ACA so that is all he has - does ABA require private insurance in other states? How have other people handled moving? I’ve been thinking he could go first and then we’d follow when the waitlist opened up a spot for him in ABA for afterschool? I don’t want to move and then have him regress. Any advice is appreciated!

When I say “he could go first” I meant my husband could maybe move first and we would follow…not my son…lol, When I say “he could go first” I meant my husband could maybe move first and we would follow…not my son…lol, When I say “he could go first” I meant my husband could maybe move first and we would follow…not my son…lol, When I say “he could go first” I meant my husband could maybe move first and we would follow…not my son…lol

Confused about AAC devices.

Our ST suggested AAC for our non verbal 3 year old. We’re going to start with some laminated images on a Velcro board in the kitchen, but I was thinking ahead and started researching digital AAC devices. I’m confused as to why they’re so expensive? I’ve seen some that are basically just android tablets for £3,500? Can’t I just get a small, cheap enough Android tablet for £500 and install an app?

Very expensive development (SLPs are not cheap) and low sales make for very expensive products. Especially when it's assumed that insurance will pay a big chunk. LAMP Words for life is pretty much the standard app. It's is $300 and is iPad only., We use an iPad - we did pay a onetime fee for the app (and it can be used on multiple devices). It works perfectly and is what our SLP and ABA therapists both recommended., The best AAC apps are all Apple only. In general I say screw Apple, but for this use case Android is limited to bottom tier apps your SLP is not even familiar with. The price is mostly because of insurance and Medicaid funding. I saw that whole scheme in action with zpod beds. Two years ago they cost $4000 out of pocket. You couldn't get them funded. You could only really get the Cubby bed funded, which cost $12000 despite looking way more cheaply made  Now you can get zPod funded by Medicaid and suddenly they're $8000. I always recommend the Tobii Dynavox speech case. There's also a speech case mini for the iPad mini. Both are $300 and the final result looks just as good or better then those $8000 devices and for a fraction of that cost., Thanks. It does make sense. But I’ve just seen so many apps available, just presumed I get brick an old android tablet and install an app on it. I’ll look into the iPad app after he’s gotten used to the laminated photos. Thanks, Thanks. Did you get LAMP as well?, That makes a lot of sense. We got all enthusiastic about it and bought the ipad & lamp. 2 years later, it's his sister's ipad., No, we got TouchChat., Very expensive development (SLPs are not cheap) and low sales make for very expensive products. Especially when it's assumed that insurance will pay a big chunk. LAMP Words for life is pretty much the standard app. It's is $300 and is iPad only., We use an iPad - we did pay a onetime fee for the app (and it can be used on multiple devices). It works perfectly and is what our SLP and ABA therapists both recommended., The best AAC apps are all Apple only. In general I say screw Apple, but for this use case Android is limited to bottom tier apps your SLP is not even familiar with. The price is mostly because of insurance and Medicaid funding. I saw that whole scheme in action with zpod beds. Two years ago they cost $4000 out of pocket. You couldn't get them funded. You could only really get the Cubby bed funded, which cost $12000 despite looking way more cheaply made  Now you can get zPod funded by Medicaid and suddenly they're $8000. I always recommend the Tobii Dynavox speech case. There's also a speech case mini for the iPad mini. Both are $300 and the final result looks just as good or better then those $8000 devices and for a fraction of that cost., Thanks. It does make sense. But I’ve just seen so many apps available, just presumed I get brick an old android tablet and install an app on it. I’ll look into the iPad app after he’s gotten used to the laminated photos. Thanks, Thanks. Did you get LAMP as well?, That makes a lot of sense. We got all enthusiastic about it and bought the ipad & lamp. 2 years later, it's his sister's ipad., No, we got TouchChat., Very expensive development (SLPs are not cheap) and low sales make for very expensive products. Especially when it's assumed that insurance will pay a big chunk. LAMP Words for life is pretty much the standard app. It's is $300 and is iPad only., We use an iPad - we did pay a onetime fee for the app (and it can be used on multiple devices). It works perfectly and is what our SLP and ABA therapists both recommended., The best AAC apps are all Apple only. In general I say screw Apple, but for this use case Android is limited to bottom tier apps your SLP is not even familiar with. The price is mostly because of insurance and Medicaid funding. I saw that whole scheme in action with zpod beds. Two years ago they cost $4000 out of pocket. You couldn't get them funded. You could only really get the Cubby bed funded, which cost $12000 despite looking way more cheaply made  Now you can get zPod funded by Medicaid and suddenly they're $8000. I always recommend the Tobii Dynavox speech case. There's also a speech case mini for the iPad mini. Both are $300 and the final result looks just as good or better then those $8000 devices and for a fraction of that cost., Thanks. It does make sense. But I’ve just seen so many apps available, just presumed I get brick an old android tablet and install an app on it. I’ll look into the iPad app after he’s gotten used to the laminated photos. Thanks, Thanks. Did you get LAMP as well?, That makes a lot of sense. We got all enthusiastic about it and bought the ipad & lamp. 2 years later, it's his sister's ipad., No, we got TouchChat., Very expensive development (SLPs are not cheap) and low sales make for very expensive products. Especially when it's assumed that insurance will pay a big chunk. LAMP Words for life is pretty much the standard app. It's is $300 and is iPad only., We use an iPad - we did pay a onetime fee for the app (and it can be used on multiple devices). It works perfectly and is what our SLP and ABA therapists both recommended., The best AAC apps are all Apple only. In general I say screw Apple, but for this use case Android is limited to bottom tier apps your SLP is not even familiar with. The price is mostly because of insurance and Medicaid funding. I saw that whole scheme in action with zpod beds. Two years ago they cost $4000 out of pocket. You couldn't get them funded. You could only really get the Cubby bed funded, which cost $12000 despite looking way more cheaply made  Now you can get zPod funded by Medicaid and suddenly they're $8000. I always recommend the Tobii Dynavox speech case. There's also a speech case mini for the iPad mini. Both are $300 and the final result looks just as good or better then those $8000 devices and for a fraction of that cost., Thanks. It does make sense. But I’ve just seen so many apps available, just presumed I get brick an old android tablet and install an app on it. I’ll look into the iPad app after he’s gotten used to the laminated photos. Thanks, Thanks. Did you get LAMP as well?, That makes a lot of sense. We got all enthusiastic about it and bought the ipad & lamp. 2 years later, it's his sister's ipad., No, we got TouchChat.

Consequences or not

Hi there. Would you all just accept property damage or give consequences. 18 year old with autism, ADHD and being assessed for bipolar is smashing holes in put new house walls while screaming abuse at me..l If I even say oh no he screams I'm guilty tripping him for meltdowns he can't help. I don't punish or give consequences because I understand he doesn't like our new home and has autism burn out. Just curious if it really is bad of me to sometimes show my disappointment at the huge holes or should I actually be saying he has to try and not terrorise the house. My youngest and pets are frightened while this goes on

[deleted], I'm very nurturing and that used to work. If I ever try a teeny bit of tough love he says I'm an abuser etc. Strange we were so close but after moving he hates me. Thanks when he is calm I'm going to say his little brother and our pets need more peace at home. All I've done today is sit in silence all day so he can sleep yet I still got screamed at then when he hurts himself I've made him do it. I tell him I love him but he thinks I'm a guilt tripping bully. I'm so confused I can't think straight. Dreading first house inspection. They won't be happy at new build full of smashed up walls, [deleted], I'm very nurturing and that used to work. If I ever try a teeny bit of tough love he says I'm an abuser etc. Strange we were so close but after moving he hates me. Thanks when he is calm I'm going to say his little brother and our pets need more peace at home. All I've done today is sit in silence all day so he can sleep yet I still got screamed at then when he hurts himself I've made him do it. I tell him I love him but he thinks I'm a guilt tripping bully. I'm so confused I can't think straight. Dreading first house inspection. They won't be happy at new build full of smashed up walls, [deleted], I'm very nurturing and that used to work. If I ever try a teeny bit of tough love he says I'm an abuser etc. Strange we were so close but after moving he hates me. Thanks when he is calm I'm going to say his little brother and our pets need more peace at home. All I've done today is sit in silence all day so he can sleep yet I still got screamed at then when he hurts himself I've made him do it. I tell him I love him but he thinks I'm a guilt tripping bully. I'm so confused I can't think straight. Dreading first house inspection. They won't be happy at new build full of smashed up walls, [deleted], I'm very nurturing and that used to work. If I ever try a teeny bit of tough love he says I'm an abuser etc. Strange we were so close but after moving he hates me. Thanks when he is calm I'm going to say his little brother and our pets need more peace at home. All I've done today is sit in silence all day so he can sleep yet I still got screamed at then when he hurts himself I've made him do it. I tell him I love him but he thinks I'm a guilt tripping bully. I'm so confused I can't think straight. Dreading first house inspection. They won't be happy at new build full of smashed up walls

Considering institutionalization...

Long story short: I am starting to give up on my son and considering institutionalization. My poor baby is just 3 ½ yrs. old and, yes, I know it is still way too early to reach conclusions but his situation has deteriorated to the point that I am increasingly feeling that I must come to terms with the possibility that unfortunately my son’s issues are way too serious to expect him to ever become a functional person. A couple of years ago, when I first realized my son had ASD (apparently lvl 1) mixed with ADHD, I was as terribly depressed and worried as you can imagine; but I gathered myself and assumed my parental duty with as much heart and positive attitude as I could manage. For my son I was eager to make whatever sacrifices were required, hoping he would improve and make progress. I knew it was going to be a long and arduous journey, but I had hope. Nowadays, hope is gone and no coming back I am afraid. Nothing is working and the last few months have been pure hell. My child is not making progress anymore. All the opposite, he is regressing. His communication skills have deteriorated. Worst at all is his behavior. He was always moody and hyperactive. But in the last few months he has gone in a dive. He has brutally crazy mood swings. Out of the blue he starts screaming and crying with no discernible reason. He is becoming increasingly aggressive. Sometimes he becomes uncontrollable and getting him to follow even the most basic instructions is an uphill fight. We have tried lots of behavioral therapy, but nothing works. To be blunt, I have had enough of him. I still love my kid. He is the most important thing in my life, but I can’t stand him anymore. I am tired of his craziness, his wild mood swings, his hysterics, his unexpected aggressiveness. Simply I can’t take it anymore. That’s it. I know it is not his fault. I know he is an innocent victim. But so am I. My life is in shambles because my child's issues. My professional career is ruined. My physical and mental health are in a dive. My marriage is over. I have gone bankrupt paying for his treatment. I have put as much time, effort, money and love on my child as possible, to no avail. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I would eagerly do any sacrifice to see my child get better… but if he is not going to get better anyway, then it makes no sense to burn myself. Thus, now I am coming to terms with the fact that if things don’t improve (and to be honest I doubt that is going to happen) then I must start planning for my son to be institutionalized, thus he will be properly cared and protected and I will get some semblance of a normal life back. I will still care for him and I will keep doing whatever I can for his wellbeing, but maybe living in an institution is the best option for my child. I hate myself for thinking like this. I wish there was other option, but right now the only solution seems to be to institutionalized him and the faster the better for all of us. I can barely control him now; I won’t be able to control him when he gets older and bigger. Thus, all my rambling is just to give you an overview of what is going on, so you can properly understand my questions: What to do when your child is simply too wild and dysfunctional to live with you? What kind of institutions can have him? What is the earliest you can institutionalize your child? Have you ever been in such situation or you know about the experience of somebody who had to institutionalize his child? Thanks in advance for whatever orientation you can provide me with.

The Mods are locking this thread. For obvious reasons. Parenting shaming will not be tolerated no matter how much YOU believe that’s the correct response., Your son is 3 and has a level 1 diagnosis? I don't think institutionalizing him would be a good idea. I think you should seek therapy or counseling for yourself to help deal with your feelings. Clearly you feel helpless with your sons diagnosis, he likely sees and senses your frustration. This can escalate his behavior. 3 is one of the hardest ages for any kid, ND or NT. Please seek help for yourself so that you can better yourself and better parent your child., This is just the age and it will pass, you will 100% regret institutionalizing your son. If it gives you any comfort, ive worked with hundreds of special needs adults. Not a single one was as difficult as my 4 year old son. That proved to me that things do get better with time and that this is just age related behavior. You could go to the pediatrician and try to get him medication for the ADHD, it might help. You could also try therapy for yourself. This is a tough road! I'm in it with you. I actually thought my husband might have wrote this post! Not easy, but in time things WILL get better. I just know it!, You are clearly very burnt out and that is understandable, but institutionalizing your son is not an option. I took a quick look at your history - you went from considering having a 2nd child only 3 months ago, to now talking about possibly institutionalizing (your admittedly bright and verbal) only child. I know you feel like you’re in a dark place all of a sudden, but it seems like it’s probably just a very difficult phase. This too shall pass. Have you considered stopping therapies and adopting a low demand lifestyle for a few months? Just drop any regular expectations of yourself and your son — only focus on keeping him fed and safe. With no therapies and no demands you might both find some relief and you may find that his behavior improves. In the meantime, try to focus on getting him in school and/or getting some respite care so you have time to yourself to unwind. Remember that your son isn’t GIVING YOU a hard time, he’s HAVING a hard time., My kid is 8, he started at a deep level 3 and I would kill for him to be at level 1. But the little guy has worked hard to reach level 2. But somehow we have managed. This forum has been a great resource. You seem to be drowning, and that is understandable. Please follow the advice given on this thread and feel free to request help. Also ask for specific questions in this forum, since you are among friends., I don’t care if I get downvoted for this. This entire post mimicked my past in a way that I feel I need to speak up. I’m going to be blunt, but I am not here to attack. I am a level 1 autistic adult with ADHD as well. I am currently functioning well in society, though I never got therapy as a kid because their wasn’t enough research. And yes, I was an angry kid at your son’s age. To the point where my mom would lock me in a dark bathroom by myself until I “screamed it all out” (later in therapy as an adult, I learned this was not the correct thing to do). I would self harm, bite myself, punch myself etc because I was so goddamn overstimulated from my family alienating the ever living hell out of me. It sounds like you’re doing the same with your son, whether you know it or not. It sounds like you’re expecting him to function as a neurotypical person, and that will never happen. He is autistic. You are the one as a parent that needs to adapt to that. You need to understand it. Just because he lives as an autistic person and has differences, doesn’t mean he won’t live a “normal” life. Secondly, he’s three. Three is extreme for literally every parent. I was the absolute worst with my own anger at 3-4 because at that age we just do not know how to channel it correctly. No one does, autistic or not. He is only level 1. That’s not to say it isn’t hard, because it is. It’s debilitating. I have had feelings of hopelessness with my level 2 daughter, but she has been in OT/PT and speech therapy since she was 2 and a half and has progressed tremendously. It was a long road, and she still regresses from time to time, but she’s happier. If your marriage, career, and everything else crumbled because your three year old was difficult, it sounds like they were going to fail anyway. You are burnt out in this post, that much is clear. But what others posting positive things on this thread aren’t seeming to see are all the undertones in your post that are implying that you don’t understand your son’s autism, and aren’t trying to. You thought he’d be “over” it by now? He’s autistic. He’s never going to be neurotypical like you. And that’s okay. You, as a parent, need to adapt. You need to understand. You. You’re hopeless and depressed, it’s absolutely time to call a therapist. If you care about your son, which despite this post I still think that you do, I implore you to seek help. A better mindset and looking at this whole situation from a different angle would do wonders., How did your son get an adhd diagnosis years ago when he's 3 now? Even at this age a diagnosis is very unclear, because symptoms overlap a lot with both autism and being a toddler. Generally, 3 year olds are exhausting. They have moodswings and tantrums and melt down because they're learning to handle their emotions. Autism can make this worse, but poor emotional/impulse control at this age doesn't necessary mean he won't learn it. How much is lots of behavioral therapy? Is he in speech/occupational therapy? Children can burn out just like adults do, its counterintuitive but sometimes a break from therapies can do wonders. Otherwise, a doctors visit is never a bad idea with sudden behavioral changes, pain can lead to screaming/crying as well. Sensory issues can lead to changes as well - things like flickering lightbulbs, different clothes, ac being on, etc. If your son becomes a danger to himself and others, there is the possibility to institutionalize him. But that should be the last possible option, and at his age he'd likely end up in a foster family. Ending up in the system at a young age means constant change, a high chance of experiencing abuse and often heightened behavioral and developmental issues as a result. You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make your son develop better, but by just being there you're already doing a great job., This reads as you expected him to grow out of it, get better, or change. None of those things will ever happen and the sooner you go to therapy and find tools for yourself the better. The way you write about yourself vs your son is repulsive: "I was ready and geared up as my parental duties required. But now there's no coming back....'. Hes 3?! You've barely done ANYTHING! Your son is 3. Your child only has ASD 1. Your child won't be accepted as medical criteria to surrender, to be blunt. CPS would be called. Parenting classes and therapy mandated. Your child is only level 1., i think you are simply burnt out and need resources… have you looked into respite care in your area? institutionalizing a child that young is going to be very detrimental for your kid especially if he is level 1, You sound very burned out. One of the worst things, IMO, is that no one ever tells you how to make things better. Are you in the US? Have you sought out early intervention? Since your son is over 3, I would recommend calling your local school system and ask for an evaluation. They can possibly provide speech therapy or OT as well as special education preK. Talk to his pediatrician, or whoever diagnosed him. Ask about therapy. ABA, OT, etc. There usually is a way forward, but it takes a lot of work. You also have to take care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you. And 3-4yo is an absolutely insane age IME., Between 3-4 is an incredibly hard age for ASD kids, and one that we pulled through by the skin of our teeth. Ours was largely nonverbal at 3. We stacked therapies, took it one day at a time. It got better. 3-4 was so. SO. bloody hard. I was basically a taxi service for his therapies (almost every day after preschool) and did not have much of a life outside of that. Nonstop violent meltdowns, transition triggered. His OTs were useless for those, by the way- he had to grow out of them. We seriously considered the possibility of him never being independent and having to budget for residential facility. In.the end, I think the constant therapies and aging turned the page for him. At 6, the kiddo is a different creature. Still has his moments, and still working on speech, but he is an incredibly kind, sweet, helpful young gentleman who thinks that fart jokes are the pinnacle of modern humor. We sit in the recliner after his sister goes down, and read each other stories (his are still those simple decoder ones they send from school). He refused point blank to ride the bus into school last year, had meltdowns every time we tried. This year, something clicked and he rides in beautifully. I think his pace of development is just different from his peers. I wish someone told us that. Two big things I do think helped him were 0 physical violence/spanking (he is not afraid of us and tells us that he loves us on a regular basis) and hubs and I presenting united front+spelling each other during tantrums, when one of us was becoming overwhelmed. It does sound like you could benefit from some personal therapy and respite care. What kinds of services is your kid getting?, My son is violent as well, he's also just shy of 3 1/2. And when I say violent, I mean he had multiple hours long meltdowns every day where he is attacking me. The. Entire. Time. Anything would set him off. Even me stubbing my toe and saying "oh!" Resulted in him attacking me for almost an hour. So I get it. I was sobbing every day, I had bruises all over my body, hair missing, bleeding scratches. He even broke my nose. And on top of that, he doesn't sleep. In my darkest moments I had thoughts like that too, as I cried in the shower as my husband was taking his turn as punching bag. But, the dev ped put him on guanfacine. And I can actually parent him now. I can reach him. We went from regression and violence like you have, to much less violence and actually taking steps forward. He was just as miserable as we were. So please talk to your pediatrician. I was so against it because he's so young, but it has made a huge difference for my family. It's still hard, but I went from feeling hopeless every day, to maybe once a week? Which, with a 3 1/2 year old, I'm going to call this a win and reassess in a couple years. Also, his brain is still growing - the part that handles impulse control literally is not developed at this point. It's still growing. Around 4 is when we should start seeing improvement in this area. We just have to last, that is how I've kept myself sane. And all kids are so hard at this age; my brother and his wife are at their wits end with their nt 3 year old. We have different struggles but they've cried before too. They're adorable at this age, right up until they transform into little changelings. Check into respite care too. There are options. Even care.com has people who have experience with kids like ours. I'm sorry I know it's just... It's so hard. But thinking those thoughts don't actually help you. They make you feel more hopeless. Try focusing instead on something you want to try when he's 4, 4 1/2. Have a game plan for once his brain is grown enough to actually make progress. Give yourself a goal to work towards that isn't just a form of self abuse. I know you think you're planning for the inevitable future, but it's not inevitable, and you're only doing it because you're hurting. You're trying to self soothe but you're going down the wrong track. Think of literally anything else. Go down a random hobby. I started listening to podcasts about the lore of the Star wars/lotr worlds in one earbud. Really interesting stuff. And I'll think about it when these dark thoughts come up. Anyway idk if you're even going to read this novel I just wrote. Sorry it's so long. I just feel for you. I've been there. But you're not to that point yet, even if it feels that way. Life has just kicked you down. You're still trying to catch your breath and can't get up yet, but that doesn't mean your breath won't come back. Put a pin in it, focus on little things you can do to find some small joy, and just try to survive. You can do it., Does this option exist for kids this young? Wouldn’t they be put with a foster family?, I'm going to be blunt and say it, he's likely regressing and having these issues because of you. You need therapy. This sounds like an awful home situation., I can’t feel what you feel because my child is at a different level. But I hear your pain, anger, frustration and fear. Your son is too young to be institutionalize. Level 1 autism and he maybe also having some other underlying diagnosis that haven’t been addressed yet? Your son is probably feeding of from your behaviors. Kids at this age models from their parents whom they see and spend a lot of time with. Maybe he is having a meltdown because he sensitive to your voice when you’re angry and frustrated. He will think your behaviors is acceptable and will probably show it outside of home. I was at a couple of points when I lost it. The first time I tossed his toy and broke it. I felt so terrible because he said “oh no my toy is broken!” Then I saw him picking each pieces up and trying to put it back together. It literally broke my heart into millions of pieces. That moment I never tossed his toys ever again. The second time now that I have another child and my son who drove me insane and my husband was not around. I screamed at my son “what do you want from me!” and the fear on his face. He said “mommy is angry” and cried. He didn’t know what he did wrong. But the fear I put on his face broke me. We cried together and I told his I was sorry and asked for his apologies. He gave me a kiss and hugged me. These moments changed me. Had I continued to have this kind of behaviors what will my child be like? Imagine how hard it is for him being autistic on top of his mom behaviors. Please also seek therapy for yourself. Give yourself a break. Lots of resources out there. I’m sure someone in this chat live in the same state as you and can guide you. Best of luck momma. Try to change yourself first. You are the adult and someone who knows right and wrong. Hugs, Wanted to add- you say he’s regressing and getting worse as far as violence and meltdowns go. Look into medical issues. My son is a level 3 and he definitely melts down and have more SIB when something is wrong. Mouth issues are the biggest for us- sometimes an abscessed tooth is hard to see. Second, stomach issues are huge in ASD folks. I highly suggest a little experiment. Give him some Tylenol or ibuprofen when he’s having a difficult time. See if that improves his mood. When my son is having multiple bad days/weeks, if I give him some ibuprofen and his mood improves, I know that something medical is going on and try to figure out what it is., That sounds tremendously difficult for all of you. I wonder if there might be something medical or environmental going on that's leading to the deterioration you've observed. Who is part of your son's treatment team? And do you also have a therapist you can see?, Man…as a single mom especially during covid I tell you I wanted to unalive myself literally everyday from 2-4.5 years old. It was just o hard, working multiple jobs, handling all his therapies and finishing school and trying to keep my own health in tact. Idk how I got through it but I did…we did. And my sweet boy had therapy everyday since 2 and before then it was EI started at 18mo. It really did not start getting discernibly better until he started pre-k at 4.5. He’s still level 3 and NV but his speech is coming along. I cried the other thinking about if I took my life or gave him up how much I would’ve missed out on. Please hang in there., Have you tried ABA or any sort of therapy? Your step should be an absolute last resort. I have two level one kids and they can be hard in their own way (my son would unbuckle his seatbelt on the highway and crawl to the trunk to name one example). But at ABA, they have his number and he’s apparently an angel though. (And before anyone comes for me, he loves it. They just know his triggers best and he melts down with me after a long day.) Also, he’s there from 8:30-4:30 so it’s a break from each other., This would be an excellent way to have your kid later resent you for life, Go to therapy and join a parent’s support group. You are not thinking clearly right now., I don't understand. Is your kid still level 1 or has the diagnosis changed? Regardless. I don't blame you a bit for thinking how you're thinking. I was depressed AF when my level 1 kid was 3 years old. They talk about the terrible twos but two isn't shit. Three is miserable. By the time my kid was 4 I was in the process of getting a divorce. When he was 7 I was having a very hard time functioning at work, I dreaded all of my time with him, I was anxious, I was depressed - shit was *fucked*. He was getting suspended from first grade a few times a week and almost got expelled. We still didn't know he had ASD at this point. I'm not saying I got suicidal, exactly, but I'm not saying I didn't. Now he's 9 and I can't even tell you how much better things have gotten. The county's behavioral ed classroom is packed with miracle workers. I've made some parenting adjustments. My kiddo and all of his grownups are on the same page about what his limitations & likely triggers are. He can tell us when he needs something or needs to exit a situation. Life is so, so good. I don't want to be all high and mighty and tell you what to do but from here, it sounds like you've gotten into a really dark place and you've gotten into that tunnel vision place a lot of us are familiar with where the situation *right now* is going to last *forever*, and it isn't. It'll get different. It'll get better. Get some therapy for yourself if you can, get some medication if you need it. Hang on & hang in there with your kiddo. I know you're pretty fucked up right now but it'll get better and in ten years you'll be grateful you stayed the course., I was you ten months ago. I begged my husband for a divorce and for him to take our 3-year-old far away back to his home country. I posted on a mom’s forum about putting both him and his then-not-yet-born baby brother up for adoption. The mom’s forum was kind but shocked. I could not handle being a mom to this child. Ten months later things are SO different. I leaned in to screen time and having a cluttered home. We started supplements that were life-changing (melatonin so he would go the fuck to sleep, omega 3 which significsntly reduced aggression and improved expressive language). I started therapy (online). His baby brother was born and to my enormous surprise he ended up being completely delighted by the baby. My aggressive, defiant, insomniac, spitting and kicking child. I feel so ashamed that I was ever in such a dark place that I considered sending him far away., He’s only a level 1 and is only 3.5? And you’ve given up? Sounds more to me like you have judgments against autism and believe he has no hope for the future. He sounds like a typical child his age and perhaps you are too harsh on him. And you’re using this as an excuse to give him up. I think you need therapy yourself and to embrace autism better. Yes I’m coming off as judgy. As a mom to a level 1 autistic/adhd child I can’t imagine your point of view AT ALL., I’ve heard of kids being put in a group home before the age of 18 but that’s still usually late teens, like 16, and only in extreme cases like severe delays and behaviors. I don’t think a young child can or should be put in an institution, we do foster homes instead of orphanages for this reason. I’m not judging you at all for thinking this, it’s very hard to parent our kids and some kids are clearly much more difficult than others which can make us feel alienated or in a worse situation from even a community like this. The younger years are extremely hard for autistic kids and many kids do get easier. Some don’t of course- some stay the same or regress but it’s impossible to know if that’s your child’s path now. If you put him in special ed preschool or therapy for most of the day hopefully that gives you a reprieve as well as helps move him forward in development. What country are you in? If it’s United States, special ed preschool should be free and if your insurance doesn’t pay for therapy or you don’t have insurance, some states offer Medicaid waivers for disabled kids so you can get Medicaid even if you’re not low income., i think i should also link [this post.](https://reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/s/T0cpdehjCv) it was written by a level 3 nonspeaking adult who lives in a group home, and it is a perfect example of why you should try to avoid these places if you still can. abuse is rampant in these places too and a 3 year old being placed here is going to end up with attachment issues and higher likelihood of developing mental illness later in his life (such as depression), Didn't read all the comments so don't know if someone else said it but if you think everything is deteriorating for your child this quickly I would take him to the doctor and possibly a neurologist to make sure there isn't something else going on like seizures, Sounds like my daughter. You have to take care of yourself. They feed off of our own mental state. All children do. 3s see rough but it gets better. Also, you shouldn’t have to pay for services if you are in the US. Your child will qualify for Medicaid bc of his/her diagnosis. This usually makes services free ❤️, [removed], I want to preface this by saying I am not trying to mean or insensitive. However, it sounds like *you* need the help, not your son. Your son is three. He is a toddler. All toddlers are defiant, challenging, and tiring, even completely neurotypical ones. Your child was diagnosed with Level 1. That is low support needs. With your extreme emotional response to what sounds like typical toddlerhood mixed with ASD, I am wondering… have you ever been evaluated for autism yourself? You sound overstimulated and overwhelmed, most likely because you’re unsure of how to cope with a more demanding child. My honest and sincere advice is for you to seek out a therapist and to seek out a diagnosis yourself immediately., It’s a lot to deal with for sure. We found our youngest on the severe end of the spectrum was worse off, more stressed out, and harder to manage with all of the recommended therapies. It seemed like a full time job. We stopped ABA and had her in speech and OT only, she loved it and improved her benavior. Now she’s in half day early on pre school and mostly doing well. My wife had a hard time letting go, and felt like a failure because she wanted so bad to home school all of our kids. There are challenges we face that no one else will ever understand, but I believe there’s a special place in heaven for parents of special needs kids., Start with your pediatrician and other doctors of your child. They will know best about institutionalized care or should be able to point you to resources. You may find it difficult to find a place that will accept your son at this age and with the issues you’re describing because as others mentioned, the severity may not warrant institutionalization, and honestly I never heard of any place accepting a kid at 3. There is also of course giving up parental rights to your spouse or to the foster care system. I’m sorry you’re in this position., Sounds like my girl without the aggression or level 1. Turned 3 2 weeks ago. Sometimes I think she may get a bipolar diagnosis in the future., I don't know what country you are in, but with my kiddo the better their language became, the more they could communicate the less the tantrums and meltdowns and unmanagable behavior. Any progress however slow is progress. My kiddo made real jumps around 3.5 and 4. But they had been in therapies (ABA and speech) since 2yo. Five now and so much better. It could be that your kiddo may have another comorbidity along with ASD. If so, those aren't diagnosed until later. What does mom think? Does your wife agree with you?, 3 was tough. It gets better., have you exhausted every option before you do that, I’ve tried supplements that have made night and day diffrence in my daughter. I know so many people are against it but I honestly think its worth a try since you’re at this point., 3 years old is very young. Even NT 3 year olds do not yet have solid communication skills, let alone ND ones, which I think contributes significantly to issues at this age. I agree with another commenter - while it sounds like you have no problems with making sacrifices to benefit your child, it also seems like you took the diagnosis extremely hard and maybe haven’t fully accepted or adapted to it and are having difficulties coping. Looking into supports for yourself may be very beneficial. Certainly I don’t think it’s something any parent would choose for their child, but it’s also not the end of the world. Right now is the best possible time in history for ND kids - there is a lot more awareness, recognition, education, resources and supports available than ever before. And this will only continue improving. When my kid was diagnosed, yes there was some sadness around the unique difficulties and challenges this would create for him in life, but at the same time it also wasn’t a surprise - I had suspected for a long time before the formal diagnoses. Also, there are traits and abilities and ways of being and seeing things that I absolutely love about my son and wouldn’t change them for the world, which I think at least partially come as a result of living with/through his unique challenges. So yes, there are challenges, but there are also great, wonderful things and I’m not sure if these wonderful things would still be there if he was NT. There may be different wonderful things, but it just wouldn’t be him. But, an important difference - he is nearly a teenager now. If you’d have asked me back when he was 3, I would have talked about how exhausting it all was and that it seemed like it was going to be that way forever. But it wasn’t, it passed. He grew, became older, gained new abilities and skills and it made it easier. There are always challenges, but they become easier. Getting through the violent outburst stage was a huge game changer. First they decreased in intensity and regularity until they just didn’t happen anymore, probably about the time he was 6/7. It took a long time, but eventually I started to see the results of the efforts and supports and patience., [removed], The other thing is once he reaches the age of 4 he may be able to start some medications- and I don’t recommend this for everyone but for my son it’s made a huge improvement. I would talk to your pediatrician about options as well. It can change everything., He’s only 3 years old dude., You do realize you're responsible for your son until he's an adult?, [removed], If we can’t identify any underlying causes like stomach problems, burnout, high stress and poor coping mechanisms…I recommend the book “hope for the violently aggressive child.” The title is click baity, but it’s actually an incredible book. It’s like $20 and Amazon. If you’re not seeing a sensory saavy OT, I recommend one. I have one that offers consults instead of treatment and they’re fantastic. They specialize in sensory and emotional regulation. Let me know if you want their info, I can PM you., [removed], Hi mama first of all I want to send hugs and let you know that your feelings are normal you are not alone. It is physically financially and emotionally draining caring for a special needs child. It takes a toll on the whole family my daughter started her behaviors at age 3 and she's 10 now and they just became worse I would suggest to do what you think is best for you and your family no one else is in this exact same situation but you and you know how bad it is affecting you. Aba helped my daughter some a neurologist. and pshdictarist gave her meds that kept her stable for a while but stable is not banging her head on anything or hitting us and also her sleeping had never gotten better she wakes up at 2:30 am everyday to start her day. I send you lots of hugs mama this is not an easy road and I am proud of you for realizing how hard it can be and having the courage to want a place where your son will get care 24/7 without it affecting your mental health and well being❤️, Sending you a hug. Echoing everyone that you are sounding burnt out and likely depressed. This is a very hard journey. May I offer that behaviour therapy can actually have negative consequences and reactions. Zero judgment to each their own and i am sure for some kids it's super helpful but maybe for your son it is not. Many autistic adults are very against it because of their own experiences. On top of that 3 is such a hard age, for NT kids and multiplied for ND kids. Following directions for a 3 year old is an uphill battle on a good day. My suggestion would be to scale back on therapy and your focus on milestones and expectations. And also to start focusing on you, your mental state and your reactions to your son. This is you and your son for life. You really just want him to be happy and functional and so you can be too. I don't intend any judgement. Good for you for reaching out in this way. I'm sure you can do this., Have you tried medication or any changes on his diet? I’d recommend therapy for yourself if that’s a possibility., "I am not a failed neurotypical person. I am a perfectly good autistic person." [https://youtu.be/A1AUdaH-EPM?si=z-Zb1KIjGwlaYo1K&t=90](https://youtu.be/A1AUdaH-EPM?si=z-Zb1KIjGwlaYo1K&t=90) Kids go through big ups and downs, and autistic kids do that in a way neurotypical people often do not understand., Please don't abandon him., Age 3 is notoriously hard time for parents of autistic children. Often things do get better later as kids mature. I’m sorry that things have been so hard and that career and marriage have taken a down turn. But there maybe more going on if your son’s behavior has drastically changed for the worse. His ABA therapists might not be the best people, and they may be causing your son trauma which causes more drastic behavior. My son (level 1) didn’t have ABA, but he started having a drastic change and mood swings around age 5. It turned out he had reoccurring strep infections (without sore throat or fever symptoms) and was experiencing PANDAS symptoms. Once we treated the strep and got his tonsils and adenoids out his behavior drastically improved. He was his old self. Your child’s behavior is a form of communication and it could mean that there is something going on that you’re not aware of. It could be food allergies, or a medical issue like my son’s, or therapists might not be a good fit. It’s your job as parent to try and decipher what is keeping your son from progress. A level 1 child is not the kind of child that needs to be institutionalized. Also, you should get some therapy and see a psychiatrist for your depression. Our kids are extremely sensitive to our own state of mind and emotions and react accordingly., You, personally, need help. Start therapy, find a parents of autistic kids support group, and get somebody who can come watch the kiddo at least once a week so you and your partner can get a break to breathe and remember who YOU are outside of parenting. Second, as many others have said 3 is just a rager no matter what. My guy is 4.5 now and we’re just starting to get to a place where he can try to regulate himself when he’s throwing a tantrum or melting down. Watch Daniel Tiger as a family, it will give you INCREDIBLY helpful vocabulary to talk about feelings, both your own and kiddo’s. And take a look at yourselves: are you modeling good behavior? When you get mad or frustrated, can you stop yourself, take a moment to breathe or step away and calm your body and mind? Or do you scream and touch things roughly? Our kids learn from us, ND or not. Lastly, if the therapies you’re trying are bankrupting you, it sounds like you haven’t taken proper advantage of early intervention or school-offered supports, and I would encourage you to do that. There’s also a lot you can do at home to support the work that happens during therapy, so ask your therapists how to make that happen. At minimum google “sensory diet” and try to do those activities at home., Three is the hardest year, Autism or not. I think it best to find a good therapist for yourself first and foremost. New and different more gentle therapists for your son, in home if possible so you can participate if needed. And family therapy. I think reframing how you see your child, along with learning to help him regulate in a way that works for them, would be very helpful. Temporary foster situation could be a possibility if you're truly unable to care for him. Or try to qualify for a pca to come to your home. How do you respond during meltdowns? What supports do you have? What kind of sensory etc stuff? When my eldest (level 3) was 3, he ran out and got tapped by a car, he took off every day, broke windows, etc. He would get board stiff at random. And I'd have to carry him from places like that. My youngest (level 2) at three? Stabbed me in the eye with a pen. Like bloody wound mess. My middle (level 1) was okay at 3. 4 was her hell year, she needed to be exercised like a dog basically, she had to have trampoline, swings, walks, park, etc every day. But most of us have been there. It is very hard, but institution is not the answer, and depending where you are globally, they don't even exist anymore because it's not the best scenario for a child., They aren't gonna take a 3 year old who's not trying to off themselves or others, it's and absolutelast resort. Are you looking for a temporary solution or gonna drop him off at a hospital and drive off to go get milk or cigarettes? 3 is rough no matter if your kid is autistic, adhd, or has an absolutely perfect brain. Sounds like you need the therapy/hospitalization and not him tbh, go get help hun., I will echo peoples sentiments that (having parented a level 1 three year old) it is REALLY HARD and it will pass. My five year old is now still level 1 and also so much fun. That said, it sounds like you need more support and some respite care. I would look into what residential treatment programs are in your area and what they might offer. At the very least they should be able to point you in the direction of services/support that can help., It’s just the age trust me. I had SUCH A HARD TIME ages 3-4.5 and felt the same level of burnout. It’s Better now and that time made me into a better parent and person, and it’s so amazing to see my son develop and realize a lot of it was a phase., Just wanted to agree that 3 is ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH! I wanted to give up so many times and cried daily with my ND kiddo when he was 3! But, you know what?! My NT kid makes me cry even harder every day. I’ve decided all 3 year olds are pretty much just insane regardless of a diagnosis. Oh, and, btw…practically the day my ND kiddo turned 4, things started getting better with him and he’s 5.5 now and pretty much my bff. He’s the coolest little dude now. The 3.5 yo? Still want to leave her at preschool half the week., Man my neurotypical daughter at 3 was absolutely insane. 3 yrs old for any kid is nuts. 3 yrs old for my son who is level 1/2 was even more crazy from the screaming fits ..would last hours im not kidding. I was so close to dropping him off at the children’s psychiatric ward. I didn’t have therapies back then and dr wouldn’t help me. I had to get medicated myself…because when i was frustrated it made him worse.. getting medicated myself was the best thing i could do for us. Please dont give up on your kid, your going through a rough patch. Is it possible youre doing too much therapy for your kid? Are your kids meltdowns triggered by all the intense therapy? My son has regressed emotionally this year because i put him in soccer during the beginning of the school year which is already hard enough.. hes calming down but im noticing that hes got too much on his plate when he is getting used to school starting. He simply needs more down time., Yes this, OP, you sound very burnt out and depressed. Depression makes it seem like things are bleak and nothing will ever get better, but that doesn't have to be reality. My oldest is level 2 ASD and ADHD. When he was 3, he was nonverbal, he was violent to us and his younger brother, he threw things, and he eloped. I was afraid for his future. But, between the ages of 3 and 5, he got a lot of speech therapy and started talking, he matured and the more violent behaviors stopped. I potty trained him. The eloping got a lot less frequent. My husband and I learned what triggered his meltdowns (mostly sensory issues) and read a lot about autism and gave him more tools to cope with his environment. Now at age 6, he is in the general classroom 80% of the time. He rides the bus. He gets awards for good behavior at school. He has friends. He's not as independent as his NT peers, but we're working on it. There is always hope, but you also have to take care of yourself in this, because it absolutely takes all of your energy and strength some days. Please get help for yourself- medication, therapy, support groups, something. Solidarity, I really hope things get better for you OP., This is soooo true. I also worked with adults with disabilities, many with autism, some non verbal. None of them compared to my grandson at age 3. He’s now 4 1/2 and we’ve seen a sharp decline in behaviours, an increase in cooperation and general understanding and his sleep schedule is now on track. I’ve heard so many people say that age 3 is a nightmare for most kids with autism and that it gets easier. In the middle of it, I found that hard to believe. But can now safely say, we are also in that boat. Thank god! Please don’t give up yet! Please give this another year or two to see how things develop. Good luck and sending love and strength to you and your family., THIS., *round of applause and standing ovation*, Bravo that was perfect! He will NEVER not be autistic, Thank you for this. I think it’s really important as parents of autistic kids to learn from actual autistic people. I suggest OP listen to what autistic adults have to say about what caused them harm as a child and what they wished their caregivers would have done or not done. I’ve found that really helpful in making decisions for my son. And I’ve learned I’m (very likely) autistic too (awaiting testing)., This is the only comment this post needs. Everyone else go home., Also as an adult with level 1 ASD and ADHD I agree. Where I differ was that I was highly masking at a young age because I had a demanding and controlling mother who only cared about image. So I used to get beat and called names for things that I could not control. She also has a image of a long marriage but it’s only for looks. They are both pretty miserable. I also hated myself for a long time and thought I was scum until last year. I was 38 and going through therapy and got my official diagnosis this year. If I go back I think if my mom got help and counseling for herself I think things would of been little better. You mention controlling him but I think it’s time to let go a little and definitely get you some counseling and more support. Focus more on you. He will always be ND and never NT. I’m otw to 40 and still stuggle socially but this is who I am., I agree with most of what you have said, but I also think his kid will get better and change. He will still be autistic, but he won't be three. It is such a tough age, where they are figuring out that they are independent, separate people, and mostly doing it by trying to impose their tiny wills on you and having tantrums for stupid reasons. My son asked for something this morning, I gave him the exact thing for which he asked, and he had a tantrum because ... I don't know ... he got what he wanted? He wanted to get it himself? He changed his mind in the intervening minute? You can't take it personally. You just affirm their big feelings and wait for it to pass. You need to be that safe, calm space for them to help them regulate, though that is easier said than done. For the moment, op, I think you need to work on yourself. Look for therapy and support. Find ways to get yourself and your partner a break. If you are in the US, contact your local school district, and get an IEP in place that will include services for which you don't need to pay. But it doesn't make any sense to think that a three year old is hopeless and won't grow and progress. What you are describing is peak threenager behavior. It is developmentally normal, even if it is playing out in a way that looks different because of autism. And I'm honestly not sure it is that different. Your kid sounds a lot like my cousin was at 3, and he is neurotypical., [removed], >This reads as you expected him to grow out of it, get better, or change. > >None of those things will ever happen Of course kids don't grow out of autism. But it's just as wrong to assume that autistic kids don't change as they age. Their behavior can improve and parenting can become far less stressful over time as a child grows and matures., Thank you for speaking up and not sugar coating this. I understand many people here are treading on eggshells so not to "poke the fire" so to speak. But this needed to be said. It's almost like OP has decided that because their son is not neurotypical, they just don't want them any more. An autistic child is not a broken toy you can just toss aside and go get a new one. Sounds to me that OP is young, and maybe not prepared for parenting full stop., Yeah I couldn't comment on this post when I first saw it. I understand being burnt out, needing help and struggling. I can't understand giving up on your kid, at any level. Let alone level 1. My fiance is level 1 and ADHD and he was a really really really difficult toddler (that's putting it lightly) he didn't receive OT or anything and had 90s shit parenting. He is a brilliant and amazing man today. When we choose to bring a child into this world we sign up for whatever barriers and difficulties they come with. My daughter is ADHD and ASD level 3, 3 years old was fucking HARD but there was always so much to love about her. She is such a bright spark of joy and things for so much better after her 4th birthday. I hope OP gets respite, counseling and continues to push for the best for their kid. Being institutionalized is not the best for this child. Poor baby boy., [removed], She says she's gone bankrupt on "treatment" so I'd assume that's early intervention (not sure what else it would be). I'd give the exact opposite advice. She is burnt out. So drop all the therapies. Evidence for their efficacy is limited and you can't afford it. Instead, slow down and try to enjoy your son (hard, I know). Find fun things he likes to do and do them. Whether that's eating ice cream sundaes or watching a TV show or going to a zoo or whatever. You will drive yourself crazy trying to fix something that can't be fixed - instead you should be trying to find little good moments instead. Easier said than done, I know!, This is the best response in this thread. I hope OP reads it., [removed], Yeah idk where OP is but there aren't just mental hospitals that take children and raise them any more. We ended that practice because it was atrocious., I was questioning this too. I know back in like the 50s they had "hide your unacceptable family member away as quickly as possible" sanitariums and the like, but I don't think medical science would approve of removing toddlers to a group home these days. That's how you end up with attachment disorders. It's generally when you get closer to teens you hear about residential programs (at the youngest), This is not true for everyone, at least not immediately. My husband makes too much money for us to qualify for Medicaid or SSI. Our son should qualify under the family support waiver, but the waiver in our state (Indiana) has a 2+ year waitlist and I know that waitlist is longer in other states- some over 10 years! While Indiana has an insurance mandate to cover autism therapies, there is a loophole for self-funded policies that exempts them from this mandate., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., May I ask what kind of supplements?, This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., What is your point? To pile on someone who is drowning? Does it make you feel good? This gal just needs some help., Holy moly what kind of comment is this. OP is clearly struggling and facing difficulties. Do you think you are being constructive or helpful by telling him he sickens you and should get fixed?, This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., Just try to keep your connection with him Above everything else. Whatever that takes., My sons behavior at 3 was due to communication issues.. he couldnt communicate w me he had just had surgery for hardened fluid that caused 40 percent hearing loss in both ears so he essentially was delayed in speech and behaviors all because of hearing. Does your son possibly have any hearing issues? That would be a good thing to rule out. Also does he sleep terrible? If he does have sleep issues or wakes up very tired and moody, get it okay’d with your dr to start melatonin. When my son was at that age he had always had sleep issues.. i didnt sleep for the first 3 yrs of his life. Once i started him on melatonin his behavior got better. He took naps till he was 5 yrs old.. if he didnt take a nap or take his melatonin he would turn into hulk. Another thing to look into…sometimes when kids like ours get frustrated they cant tell us their needs even if they are verbal, so please make a pecs board so he can bring you the board w the picture he chooses to communicate w you his needs before he gets to the point where hes completely dysregulated. Also is he still in diapers? If he is theres a chance he could possibly have a urinary tract infection from the soiled diapers…its possible he has one and its amped up his behaviors, even if he doesn’t wear diapers…boys can still somehow get a uti. So check for that., And a toddler will act like a toddler because it’s all part of development. But an 8 year old doesn’t necessarily have to act like a toddler (defiant behaviors) with patience and understanding., You may very well be. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 25, but when I got the diagnosis, I broke down crying. It’s like everything in my past clicked into place. Many women went undiagnosed because in general, we tend to mask better. They chalked my self harm and uncontrollable anger as a small child down to “tantrums.” My mom thought it was me trying to get more attention. I desperately needed attention, yes, but that wasn’t it. When I reached 7 years old is when I began to experience depression and suicidal ideation. When I was 12 my self harm turned into cutting, which endangered my life several times. The alienation I felt in social situations would amplify this. When I’d get the “stare” from neurotypical people—the one where they realized there was something different about me. This usually would happen when I didn’t get a joke, or when I tried to make a joke, or when I tried to clarify things. Conversations for me just didn’t happen, I was always forced to be a wallflower because by the time someone would finish a statement, another person would reply to it while I was still processing the statement, and by the time I had a reply, the subject had long changed. It’s not that we are intellectually inferior, it’s just that we tend to analyze a statement more deeply than someone who is neurotypical would. As an adult, I’ve begun to unmask and really embrace my differences, and I’ve never been happier. When I got my daughter’s diagnosis, I wanted to begin the process to unmask so she didn’t feel alone with her differences. OP has a real opportunity to learn and understand their son on a deeper level—they have a diagnosis, there are worlds more resources than there were when I was a kid, etc. I share my story and experiences in hope that that opportunity isn’t squandered., As another level 1 autistic adult, I felt the same about this post. A lot of it rubbed me the wrong way and in all honesty kind of triggered me, reminded me of the ways my parents treated me. OP is saying that their LEVEL 1 3 year old probably won’t have a normal life. I’m AuDHD as well. I am successful in life. I had to go through years of therapy to undo the damage done by my parents, mind you. But I did it. I really hope that OP gets therapy because it does sound like they need it., Same. I refrained myself immensely. I gave myself a speech about how my ASD level 3 child who also has a Global Developmental Delay was not insulted here. I am baffled. I was expecting OP's son to have a diagnosis like my son's. I was expecting a severe disability interfering with his quality of life. None of that is present here- so I instantly filled with rage. Rage for his son. His son is absolutely perfect! With therapy and guidance OP's son can live a happy and independent life from OP., [removed], I just moved states away from my baby mamma with our 2 autism kiddos, 4 & 2, idk why she let us do it but she’s gone deadbeat ever since. Sometimes I wonder how someone can too., Seriously makes me sick. My son is 3 and has a lot of support needs. I bend over backwards to get my kid everything he needs., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., The only not horrible reason I can think of for these thoughts is depression (or another mental illness). Depression can make us think crazy things. If it’s not due to deteriorating mental health, then I have no answers as to why a parent would give up on their child at 3 years old. Every 3 year old is difficult to parent and most parents have thought briefly (not seriously) about how lovely it would be to to just go for a drive while the child is well cared for and go start a new life somewhere, or something similar. Then the thought passes and we get back to life as a parent. I can’t imagine thinking that an institution would be a better place for my toddler age child. I’m autistic and have ADHD and, while my life isn’t exactly successful due to burnout and life long depression, I can’t imagine how terrible and traumatic it would be for my parents to have given up on me. My kid is diagnosed level 2 ASD with severe ADHD and I would never give up on him. Times have been tough, but he’s a child and I’m a grown adult who chose to become a parent and it is forever my responsibility to ensure that he knows he’s loved and cared for. As the parent, the adult who chose to be a parent even knowing that babies aren’t all born neurotypical and healthy, I don’t get to pretend that I’m the victim. I don’t get to cause my child severe trauma by giving up on them just because I miss my pre-parenthood life. I am responsible for getting myself the help that I need to be a good parent to my child, whether therapy or meds or whatever. I saw my psychiatrist last week because keeping myself healthy is essential to caring for my child., I’d agree, but every parent should already know that 3 year olds grow and mature. The OP is blaming autism, which will never go away or “get better” in the way we speak about getting better from an illness. My bet is that most of the behaviour OP can’t deal with is typical toddler behaviour though, and that absolutely will change. You can’t therapy away the toddler years no matter how much therapy you put your child in. Every 3 year old I’ve ever known has had “big feelings” and they scream and have tantrums. It would be a good idea for OP to learn about child development. I’m betting that they would be shocked by how much of what their 3 year old is experiencing is actually “normal” 3 year old development., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., Early intervention is a govt program for children with developmental delays. It doesn’t cost anything., Especially aba as that can actually make behaviors worse sometimes so if thats happening I'd drop it and see what happens., Thanks, I hope they read it too and hope it maybe could help give some ideas. This is one of those curveballs life throws that we just have to get through. Hopefully they get some IRL help soon too., This is also the dad who is 50yrs old via post history 😬 ., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., It’s nothing to do w income. It’s to do with medical diagnosis. It’s under social security disability!!! I’m in indiana and it didn’t take 2 years. I think it took 6 months maybe we got lucky. I’m sorry it’s taking you so long. My experience wasn’t a 2 year wait. My daughter will have indiana Medicaid for the rest of her life no matter what my income is. Her aba place helped us her on it., Simple spectrum on amazon has helped with her speech and neurobroc has helped tremendously with melt downs., She does need help. But her first notion is not to look for help but to ditch her child. A 3 year old child that she is legally responsible for until that child is an adult. That is my point., Is OP in the right to come here and post this utter crap about her child? She doesn’t want the truth don’t post this horrible awful thing! Sorry someone said the truth but it needed to be said, Yes my son is level 1 and also 3.5. He has rough days. But he is in preschool and he is doing almost the exact same shit as all the other 3 year olds in his class. His meltdowns are a little worse and he has them a little more often, but comparatively they are more simjlar than different. Its hard, but OPs son sounds like a typical 3.5 year old. I cannot believe he is even considering institutionalizing him. That honestly infuriates me.. Op needs some therapy and to potentially look into respite care., Seriously if OP institutionalizes their son with lvl 1 autism at age 3 that’s an excellent way for them to eventually resent OP for the rest of their life. 3 is FAR too young to do this kind of thing anyways, I think this person is deeply depressed and still grieving., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., The kid op describes sounds very similar to me at that age. I’d never forgive my parents if they did what op is thinking about…, actually I was still not very verbal even at that age, Saying it “makes [you] sick” when someone is struggling and came here for advice and support is not very helpful., "Early intervention" is a generic term. It doesn't refer to any particular government program. There are government programs with "early intervention" in the name, but not all early intervention is through free government programs., I’m in California and have been working on this process for 11 months now. My current step is to have a medi-cal caseworker assigned to me to send the next form, which I’m told is a 2-3 month wait. It’s good to know about, but depending on your state it isn’t a short term solution for therapy access., As I said, we do not qualify for social security disability. When the child is a minor, the parents income matters. Did you or your spouse serve in the military? That allows for a fast track to the top of the Family Support Waiver waitlist. My understanding is the waitlist was much shorter a few years ago, prior to Covid shutdowns. The BDDS office wasn't processing anything for a few months during the early shut downs, so they are still playing catch up. I last heard they are processing the applicants from July 2021. I found Children's Special Health Care Services, a separate program ran through the state department of health that only covers 23 specific diagnoses. It also has an income cut off, but it is higher than Medicaid, so we have been able to skate in just under that cutoff for the past 2 years under that., He... this is dad. I checked some post history and wonder if his age might make a rambunctious 3yr old harder to deal with. OP is 50yrs old., Legally responsible just means you can't put them in a basket and leave them alone somewhere. Putting your child into a residential program you've vetted and paid for would count as caring for them still. That said, I agree with pretty much everyone else that OP needs to get some help/deal with burnout, not institutionalize a three-year-old. Three is hard for EVERYONE. ND and NT alike. You generally don't hear of moving people into residential programs until closer to teens, at least in my experience., Many, many children are difficult as toddlers. My ASD son is 3, has a twin sister, and a 2 year old brother. They all take turns being "the difficult" one. Yes, having an ASD child comes with extra challenges but that doesn't mean parenting other children is easy whatsoever., Their child is 3 and they’re already talking about institutionalizing them. Their kid is lvl 1 ASD… im lvl 1 ASD and I was like this at the same age… my parents didn’t give up…, hell OPs kid likely hasn’t been even diagnosed for long at all. I read OPs post as them already giving up on their kid and so soon. I’m sorry but parents aren’t immune to criticism when it’s warranted, Well, it does. Idc really., Ugh ya.. I’m sorry. :(, Lol the mods deleted my comment… really lol?, Same, That’s just dumb, [removed], This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban.

Cortica reviews

Does anyone have children receiving therapies (especially ABA) at Cortica? We have ABA evaluation scheduled with them for next month and would like to know reviews from fellow parents. We are in NJ. Thanks.

We are having a good experience with their ABA. It is a 3-tiered model, so there is the BI, an assistant lead who provides some of the supervision, and the BCBA. I would say that about 25% of my child’s hours right now have supervision (some in-person, some remote). At the beginning of the program it was close to 50%. I feel like they are able to make more concrete and consistent goals because the supervisors stay the same even when the BIs change. The BI turn-over has been a lot though. Both my children enjoyed their music therapy program. Speech and occupational therapy seem hit and miss. They make use of SLPAs and OTAs for some of the hours, but as far as I could see they had no interaction at all with the therapists who were supposed to be overseeing the programs. Scheduling is also problematic because they are overbooked. I chose not to use them for my younger child for speech/occupational therapy for those reasons., We are having a good experience with their ABA. It is a 3-tiered model, so there is the BI, an assistant lead who provides some of the supervision, and the BCBA. I would say that about 25% of my child’s hours right now have supervision (some in-person, some remote). At the beginning of the program it was close to 50%. I feel like they are able to make more concrete and consistent goals because the supervisors stay the same even when the BIs change. The BI turn-over has been a lot though. Both my children enjoyed their music therapy program. Speech and occupational therapy seem hit and miss. They make use of SLPAs and OTAs for some of the hours, but as far as I could see they had no interaction at all with the therapists who were supposed to be overseeing the programs. Scheduling is also problematic because they are overbooked. I chose not to use them for my younger child for speech/occupational therapy for those reasons., We are having a good experience with their ABA. It is a 3-tiered model, so there is the BI, an assistant lead who provides some of the supervision, and the BCBA. I would say that about 25% of my child’s hours right now have supervision (some in-person, some remote). At the beginning of the program it was close to 50%. I feel like they are able to make more concrete and consistent goals because the supervisors stay the same even when the BIs change. The BI turn-over has been a lot though. Both my children enjoyed their music therapy program. Speech and occupational therapy seem hit and miss. They make use of SLPAs and OTAs for some of the hours, but as far as I could see they had no interaction at all with the therapists who were supposed to be overseeing the programs. Scheduling is also problematic because they are overbooked. I chose not to use them for my younger child for speech/occupational therapy for those reasons., We are having a good experience with their ABA. It is a 3-tiered model, so there is the BI, an assistant lead who provides some of the supervision, and the BCBA. I would say that about 25% of my child’s hours right now have supervision (some in-person, some remote). At the beginning of the program it was close to 50%. I feel like they are able to make more concrete and consistent goals because the supervisors stay the same even when the BIs change. The BI turn-over has been a lot though. Both my children enjoyed their music therapy program. Speech and occupational therapy seem hit and miss. They make use of SLPAs and OTAs for some of the hours, but as far as I could see they had no interaction at all with the therapists who were supposed to be overseeing the programs. Scheduling is also problematic because they are overbooked. I chose not to use them for my younger child for speech/occupational therapy for those reasons.

Cosharing bed

I’ve been co-sharing my bed with my 5 year old daughter ever since she’s a baby. It’s my culture and my parents did it to me and my brother too. We all sleep in the same bed together. I want to start making my daughter sleeps in her own bedroom, she literally scared of her own bedroom. However, she does fine sleeping in her own bed at her dad’s house. I tried making her bedroom cozy as I could ever be, and she still refused to sleep in her own bed. All I know is that I do not want her to still sleep with me even when she’s a teenager or even adult. I know it is still a long time, but I thought start her early is best. How can I make the transfer process easier? I tried bringing her bed to my bedroom, and she still refused. I’m just out of ideas. Thank you all.

I just got my autistic kid in his own bed, he’s 6.5 years old. Keep trying, eventually it may stick. I was and still am shocked at my kid doing this now without protest. Happily even. I could have written your post a year ago btw. :), [deleted], I read and re-read It’s Never Too Late to Sleep Train for my kids and even though she’s 5 there are steps the author recommends… I would say the biggest recommendation is making her room a place she wants to be. Maybe let her pick out some new sheets and maybe a new night light? I just bought my kids some cool star twinkle lights on Amazon for 10$. For Christmas my kids received some glow in the dark stars for their ceiling which both my NT and ND kids LOVE. Also, I would try to hang out in the room as much as possible, preferably playing in there so it’s a positive experience. Never heard of a teenager who wants to sleep in their parents bed (regularly) so I do think they’ll grow out of it, but I’m also new to our autism journey and I learn new things every day lol. :), r u asian.? our 6yo still sleeps with us…. and maybe older, We’re currently sleep training our almost 7 yo. One thing is to get her comfortable in her room, so that she sees it as a safe, fun space, Can you make her bedroom look similar to whatever she has at her dad's house where she is sleeping by herself? Maybe if it looks the same or close enough she'll associate it with a safe not scary place to sleep., [deleted], Try sleeping in her room with her for a couple of nights? Once she gets used to her bed, it might he easier for you to go back to your own room. What I did with my son was that I brought his bed outside to the living room. I used to work from home there, so he would just play all day until he got tired and put himself to his own bed. This was for afternoon naps. Once he got used to being in the bed, I would tuck him in at night and play some sensory lullabies. Now he's 3, and he's over the lullabies and prefers no lighting at all at bedtime. The other thing we tried was to move him his he'd after he fell asleep. My son is a little bit of a heavy sleeper. But I have to say, there were still a lot of nights he would cry for hours, and I had to figure out what he wanted. Sometimes, it was just to turn the TV on. Sometimes, he was hungry or thirsty. It got easier then harder then easier. We're still playing that game now., Same here, 6 years and 3 months. We do still have two days we sleep together (wednesday and friday). I do stay next to him in his bed till he's asleep., Mine too! Similar situation. It’s making me crazy, I asked her many times, I bought her bed sheets, even curtains that she likes. Then I asked her “are you going to sleep in your bed?” She said no. Then why do I have to waste my money to buy her stuff for her bedroom. Oh she doesn’t mind playing there, but literally she will bring her toys out even a trampoline out of her room to the living room. It’s just crazy, Yes! It’s a culture to my family. However, my husband is Caucasian. Lol so he prefers my daughter sleeping in her own bed. But we kept failing because she will crawl back to our bed, The problem with her dad’s place is that her dad’s girlfriend has a daughter that sleeps with my daughter in the same room. If she’s in my house, she would be sleeping by herself. Me and my current husband tried for another child for over 3 years and can’t due to infertility issues., Oh! That’s a great idea. But my daughter has temper tantrum where she threw things 🤦‍♀️ it’s very dangerous with a fish tank lol, We did that when she was 2-3 years old, it was a total failure lol. She woke up eventually an hr after 😂, keke… we are asian too… my wife doesn’t want him in his own room for a long while… i want him in his own room., The only thing that worked for getting my son to sleep in his room was to have one of our dogs sleep with him. Could you get a pet?, [deleted], Oh wow. Mine is level 3 autism..

Could by 15 month old be autistic

Hi! I have a son soon to be 16 months old. I’m concerned he could be autistic. Here’s a few things I see - no gestures - speech delay - not walking - flaps hands when excited sometimes A little about him: we moved across the country when he was 6 months old. We left his nanny. Pediatrician said not to worry about 9 month appointment. We didn’t ever clap or wave EVER. I bet our son got 4-6 hours of screen time a day up until recently when we realized something could be wrong. Had multiple eat infections and had tubes placed. After that he had pneumonia. We have changed our lives in the past few weeks to help him. He’s extremely affectionate. Eye contact is wonderful. Knows his name (chooses when to listen to it being called haha) This is our first and I’m very concerned and honestly learning to be a parent. Early intervention came to our house. He didn’t pass the delay enough to receive care. Please help.

Does he do any joint attention? Bring you things? Show you things? How does he let you know when he wants something? What does he play with? Does he do any pointing? Does he answer to his name? My boys were diagnosed really early and my understanding is that some of the earliest indicators are not answering to their names and having no gestures, particularly not pointing. Early on, mine also had no play skills, and never brought us anything or showed us anything., Could be, could not be. You need to see a professional for diagnosis. My sons both had a lot of these, but they also both had zero eye contact. Could go either way., It’s probably too early for anyone to be willing to diagnose your child so for now just do your best to support him. If you’re in the states, you can get him evaluated by the state program for early intervention and it’s typically free or low cost (depends on your income) if your child qualifies for intervention. We paid only about $10 a visit despite having a pretty good income. It can’t hurt! You could also look into some preschool programs for the fall, church preschools are often pretty cheap if cost is a factor. In the meantime work on waving and other gestures with him and keep working on speech. Repeat things multiple times in a very clear well articulated voice. Get excited if he tries to speak or repeat what you’re saying., We had our son evaluated at 15 months because he was delayed in several things but then started walking. We got him evaluated again at 20 months and got a diagnosis level 1 and immediately started ABA, speech and OT. He’s also in a 2s program at a Montessori school. Hes now 2 years and 10 months and ABA has done wonders for a lot of his other “symptoms” although he’s still nonverbal. Just got his IEP and going to increase speech for when he starts 3K in September. I say all this because it was our first and we’re very scared as well. I’d say just keep getting him evaluated and into Early intervention if you get can a diagnosis because it makes a huge difference IMO! Good luck, It doesn’t sound like autism to me — several intervening factors could have caused some of the delays (ear infections and pneumonia plus moving are so hard at that age!) At 16 months my child who is very mild was similar to yours but also not responding to his name or making eye contact. Those two issues were the biggest red flags to me. Does he engage with you — eg, when you try to play with him, is he interested? Does he have sensory issues? Autism really requires significant issues in either social or sensory areas., How is his receptive language? Honestly, it’s too young to know. I know it’s so hard to not worry, but you’re doing everything you can right now., Why does screen time become associated with autism? Does it create autism or kids who are prone to autism generically develop it through television 📺? My son is 3.5. he know a lot of words like sometime can say words off cute cards. By a lot I mean maybe 50 total But 9 times out of 10. He cannot bring up the word when shown the card. His eye contact isn't the best either. But physically seems to be more developed than his peers. But doesn't sit down for long and is such a good runner because he used to love running circles or through self made obstacles when he was younger. Jus my two cents if anyone could speak on it as this is my first son as well. And I hope this help your question as well. Thank you, Also, I should add that my sons were diagnosed by Kennedy Krieger at 14 months and 18 months., Another worried mom over here. My son is a bit older than yours (17 months almost 18) but my son : - doesn't walk without assistance (he is able to do 4 and 6 steps by his own, but not more) - speech delay (he babbles all day, but the only understandable words he says are mamá, papá, baby, the rest is just babbling nana, baba, la la, heya, dada, etc) - he started to point at 15 months (but he points with his whole hand open) - he claps very rarely, since 14 months until now I have see him clapping like 6 times only. - he doesn't wave, he does gives high5 - he respond to his name - he have good eye contact - he engage into play and brings/shows us toys (but he doesn't know how to play with toys correctly) - he hand flap when excited and shake his head He did spent lots of tv screen time 8-10 hours daily since 5 months until 14 months and during that time he was like a zombie in his own world, never answered to his named being called, no gesture at all, no engage into anything, he was a totally different child 4 months ago....(he started to change after we drastically reduce tv screen time and put him in day care), Cut out the screen time for a while and see what happens. 4-6 hours is a lot. (Certainly much much more than recommended.) Is he in daycare? If not, I’d put him into a good daycare as soon as possible. He’ll get social exposure and experienced teachers will be able to tell you if he is delayed or not., Zero gestures is a huge red flag. Check out the first words project for more information about social communication in babies and toddlers. Take a look at the baby navigator and the 16by16 series. My son is now 3, I knew he was autistic by 10 months thanks to the baby navigator and was able to get him services. Pediatrician and SLP thought I was nuts. He was diagnosed at 2., Yep. I was going to make every single of those questions and you saved me the effort. I would add : - lack of imaginative playing, pretend playing or functional playing. Ex: instead of rolling a car or spin the wheels the child licks it or toss it. Instead of stacking blocks child mouths them. Doesn’t rock a baby doll instead ignores it . Doesn’t pretend play phone calls with a phone toy - sleep is all over the place, from not sleeping at all to going to bed super late or waking up multiple times during the night - always on the go, 8-10 hours of screen time a day is extreme. I’d focus on cutting that down and spending more time interacting with your kid before focusing on or worrying about anything else., I’m reading as we speak. Is pushing food away, reaching up, counted as gestures? I thought it was waving and clapping?, My son had good joint attention, good eye contact, responded to his name, spontaneously shared, easily communicated wants and needs, spoke 50ish words at 2, did pretend play, pointed, clapped, and he was still diagnosed at 2. No gestures is a HUGE red flag. Don't let anyone tell you that your kid can't be autistic if they do all those things. The differences in social communication can be really subtle at this age for level 1 kids. He might not be diagnosable at this age, but he would probably still benefit from early intervention. No reason to wait. Depending on where you live, you can usually access early intervention without an official diagnosis., What is we stack blocks and he knocks them over and laughs? It’s like “crash” the blocks fell. He uses a see n say too and tries to make the noise after I do, Definetely it was, we reduce tv screen time for maximum 2 hours a day (some time my kid goes days without watching any tv) socially speaking, he have change a lot ever since we reduce tv screen, he's definetely another kid now (socially speaking) he still have gross motor delays and speech delays, but we're working with OT and PT for now. My kid already had an MRI bcs the neuropediatric is doing exams on him to try and find out reasons for his delays. MRI didn't show anything wrong except a casually potential ear infection that got complicated (gonna take my kid to the oto doctor this week now), They count as gestures if he's doing it to communicate. If pushing food away is his way of saying "no thanks" or "yuck", it counts. Does he look at you to see if you're watching him when he does it? Same with reaching up. It counts if he's trying to communicate "pick me up". Waving, clapping, pointing, nodding, sign language, etc. all count as gestures. The look books have more detailed info. If you're looking into some resources to teach social communication at home, I recommend the book More Than Words from the Hanen Center., My child was diagnosed at 13 months because he wasn’t doing any of that, needless to say the chief symptom was non-communication of any type, OP is asking if a dx before 24 months is possible and I can confirm that based on my child’s experience, It’s really good he tries to imitate a noise or verbalization you made, it demonstrates he’s been observing your mouth to see how it moves to produce that sound (a form of joint attention) . If you have taught him how to stack blocks and he doesn’t imitate that and instead crash them, not so good, but he’s still playing with them in a way that makes sense to him because he enjoys the chaos. Present him another toy like a drum to practice motor copy actions and a see how he does, That would count as an action with an object. It's always best to consult a developmental pediatrician if you have concerns about development or a speech therapist trained in social communication (pragmatics) and early intervention. At this age, it could be just a mild delay, but it's best to get some parent coaching to support his development if you can access something. Look into Early Start Denver model with an SLP if you think he needs intervention., Yep stacking blocks and knocking them over is great. My sons couldn’t do that that age… with really intensive early intervention they could after a few months, Two hours of screen time is two hours more than recommended for an under two year old. Worldwide, the recommendation from basically all doctor groups for under two year olds is zero time., For sure. 13m is very young to be diagnosed. I couldn't find anyone to even assess before 24m. It really depends on resources in your area., I understand your concern, but in the other hand very rarely there exists any family not putting their toddler to watch tv nowadays. Specially parents that need to do any task at home and tv is the only way to calm a baby for a moment. I have cousins and nephew that watched tv as toddler (2 or 3 hours daily) and don't have autism, neither virtual autism and they're normal adults today, just like I know other toddlers who had being exposed to 2 or 3 hours of tv and don't have any delays. I believe things have gotten very extreme nowadays, from 10 kids somehow 9 have autism or some sort of delay (when years ago milestones requisites wasn't like that). I'm aware my kid have delays, he born with the problem I don't think tv screen time give it to him, he already had motor gross problems detected by the pediátric since he was like 3 months old. So the problem comes prior tv exposure on him (I do believe tv exposure delay his social interaction though) but did it cause the problem? Nope, I really doubt it., I didn’t suspect autism because I was so unfamiliar with it, but my child’s pediatrician noticed he was off around 9 months and she referred him to a DevPed (who evaluated him four months after the referral). Indeed , an early dx has a correlation with resources available, A psychologist can diagnose at that age in many cases. Unless it’s a developmental paediatrician they will often do wait and see and you lose some of early intervention time, I know lots of families who have managed not to put their under two year olds in front of screens at all, much less for 2-10 hours a day.They send them to day care or care for the child at home if they are not employed. Parents managed to take care of kids before screens existed, so this isn’t rocket science. It’s good that you learned that 10 hours a day of screen time for a 14 month old is inappropriate. Your analysis of the history of the child development standards is not based on any real data. I wish the best for your child and hope their issues resolve., So fortunate! Most pediatricians are not knowledgeable enough to refer out that young. Our pediatrician thought I was being ridiculous asking for a referral for my son at 12m, even after my daughter was diagnosed. He, of course, thought that she couldn't be autistic when i first brought it up at 2.5 because her verbal communication was excellent, she could answer questions, made eye contact, and had a few back and forth exchanges with him, AND YET., Good for your closer ones being able to handle everything in their lives without any need of tv screen for any of their kids, Unfortunately, not everyone have the same Lucky circumstance in their lives *please don't judge others, bcs you don't know what circumstances puts ppl into doing stuff*. About daycare, well... Not to be dramátic, but I have seen some day cares putting tv to kids at least for 1 hour so the ladies doing the caregiver can do something personal. Child development standard (even usign nowadays milestones chárt per age made by science and médical field ) I still known some toddlers with some screen exposure and no delays usign those chárts on them (even if I do believe screen time can impact on baby development, let's not be radical with this, cause I have seen babies with no noticeable issues) I know 8-10 hours is a lot of time to screen exposure even for an adult, I haven't say the opposite. I'm just stating that, real issues in toddlers do exists with or without screen time exposure and maybe there exists some 'virtual autism' in some toddlers that removing or reducing screen time can fix the problem., It was sort of circumstantial, his ped happened to be on the verge to obtain a degree on Developmental Pediatrics, but I agree most pediatricians are not trained to detect red flags much less symptoms on autistic girls

Covering a 4yr old autistic boys mouth because he was overstimulated and screaming

My grandmother has a friend and this friend and her family are long time family friends to my family. I often take my children over to play with my grandmother's friends grandchildren and I know the mother of the grandchildren as well. I had brought my children over to grandmas friends house to play with her grandkids yesterday, one of the children is a 4yr old autistic boy, he was playing with my 19months old daughter who is also autistic. The boy and my daughter were playing just fine. A little trouble sharing but overall doing well. Eventually though the little boy became overstimulated and started screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. His mother wasn't there at the time and his grandma out of frustration, kept covering his mouth with her and and yelling at him to stop screaming, which would cause him to get frantic and scratch at her arms and then she slapped his hand which caused him to scream more and she covered his mouth again. This was upsetting to watch and I tried to intervene, but the grandmother yelled at me to stay out of it. So I called the boys mother and told her what was going on and she came and got her son immediately, and won't be allowing him over at her mother's house unsupervised for a while. The grandmother was furious with me, and told me she wasn't hurting him and he has to learn to use his words when he is frustrated and how now she won't be able to see him and I should have stayed out of it. I am not sorry for calling his mother, I left with my children and went home after that. I consider what she was doing child abuse, and I may not be experienced with handing autistic children with my daughter being a few years younger than he is, but the fact that he is autistic makes what she was doing to him even more abusive and probably traumatic for him in my eyes, and I couldn't just stand there and let it happen. My grandmother is backing her friend up on this though and says that she wasn't hurting him and I should have stayed out of it. Am I wrong? I get it children can be frustrating and maybe I just don't understand yet how hard it is because my child is still so young. I feel like I did the right thing. This can't be an acceptable method of teaching an autistic child not to scream when they are upset? To me he wasn't harming anyone I just don't see why it was necessary. The way the grandma justified her actions, like it were a proven technique to deal with those circumstances. Am I missing something?

Sounds like grandmother has no clue how to manage an autistic child. I’ve seen similar things happen. Sometimes she just needs some coaching on appropriate ways to manage meltdowns. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to hurt him but I don’t think you were wrong to tell his mom., THANK YOU for advocating for a child who needed it! It doesn't matter if her intentions were good, she was doing something that could result in long-term trauma to a vulnerable child. You absolutely did the right thing., Being older is no excuse not to learn. Not learning is just the path of least resistance. Our generation grew up realizing why their generation's ways only worked for them and not for us the children. Like, sure, beating your child with a belt sure got them to shut up and behave. But don't act like you have no idea why they grew up with other mental issues and haven't spoken to you in 15 years. Don't feel bad. If she refuses to learn and the mom won't allow her to see her grandchild like that anymore then that's a favor to the child. I've been trying to get through to my wife's head that not having grandparents is less damaging then repeating their abuse. If they refuse to change, then I won't let them damage my children., You did the right thing. Grandma didn't understand what she was doing or how she made it worse. She thought she could handle it, but she couldn't. Thank you for being an ally and calling mom. I understand that grandma cried after, but she is older and can learn from what happened (at least, I hope so). Your friend's autistic kid won't have these same coping strategies at that age. If you let that continue, it would have been more traumatic for the child than for grandma. I mean sure the meltdown might have stopped eventually, but at what cost? How will the kid feel about grandma afterwards?, I could cry that your daughter gets such an understanding and loving mother. Thank you for helping that little boy and helping the grandmothers to see that they are people and deserve understanding, empathy, and respect., You did the right thing. I would be furious if anyone did this to my autistic or non-autistic son. Something else to think about…. The fact that your grandmother is trying to justify her friends piss poor behavior likely signifies she sees nothing wrong with that type of abuse. I would encourage you to make the most of that information to protect your own child. I personally keep cameras in the general spaces in my own home as a safety net to make sure no one that baby sits my kiddos goes outside the set boundaries. I would keep a close eye on your own grandma what you learned is valuable for your own parenting decisions and protecting your own child., If someone covered my mouth while I was having a meltdown they'd get an elbow in the face. Not even intentionally but I am literally in fight or flight mode when having a meltdown and someone touching me will cause my reflexes to kick in. It's also very fucking traumatic to even have a meltdown not to mention have someone touch you while having a meltdown., That's the easiest way to get bit IMO, and rightfully so., She knew what she was doing from the sounds of it. If she can't handle potential behaviours appropriately, she shouldn't have solo responsibility., Being overstimulated causes physical harm... no way you're in the wrong, You absolutely did the right thing. I’m proud of you and so glad you were there to witness that and followed through on your mom gut. If somebody was doing that to my child I’d want to be contacted IMMEDIATELY so I could come rescue my baby and handle whoever needs handling, accordingly. People, especially from older generations, love to think that physically discipline for kids is the way to get them to “behave” but it really just instills submissive tendencies in children at a young age. It literally promotes poor self esteem AND ironically does not encourage “using your words when frustrated”. If anybody should learn how to use their words when they’re frustrated, it’s the grandmother imho. I’m sure the mom and most importantly her son are more than grateful that you called her., Thank you for advocating for him! You absolutely did the right thing. The initial action of covering his mouth is bad enough, but then after he panicked and scratched her, she slapped him- if she had done this to someone else’s child, they’d be calling the police. The thing that sticks in my head is, she apparently had no issue doing this in front of someone else. Can you imagine how she might treat him in private? You haven’t interfered or broken up a family, you’ve been the voice for a vulnerable child without one. Don’t ever question that ❤️, “He needs to learn how to not be autistic.” You cannot approach people like that with anger. They have no idea what is going on and think it is bad behavior. The best thing to do is to calm them first. Explain what is going on and how to help the child regulate. You were right to let the mother know. The grandmother probably thinks it is more a child rearing issue. After 19 years relatives still think my daughter should be corrected, and they have been schooled many times on what is going on., You did the right thing., You did good, I’d have bitten her. She’s lucky he only scratched. Literally the WORST thing you can do when I’m in a meltdown is to make me feel trapped., "Use your words" while I cover up your mouth. I understand the impulse, but I'd expect the grandmother to be happy to accept help in that situation. She didn't seem like she knew how to handle it and her strategy obviously wasn't working. Calling the mother seems like a perfect solution to me. The kid needed help right then and the parents need to be aware of the situation. I wouldn't take their reactions too hard. I suspect they're just defensive out of impulse. They've been parents for a long time, so I can see them feeling like they should know better than you. They were trying their best, they were just very bad at it. But they can learn., It's unsafe to obstruct anyone's airway......surely that's very obvious, You did the right thing. Bless that poor boy… sounds like the mom needs to have a serious conversation with her mom about how to handle her son!!, Thank you for being that child's safe person. Truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Don't feel bad for stirring up drama between mom & grandma....that drama has been there all along and you just made the mom realize her child wasn't in a safe place and was experiencing trauma. Maybe they can work through it and grandma can learn better ways to accommodate her grandson. Or maybe they don't talk anymore. That's between them. But YOU may have saved that child from YEARS of trauma, not just that one moment., What you did was not only NOT wrong in my opinion, but it was brave and wonderful. What the grandmother did to that boy was unsafe, counterproductive, and traumatizing. The fact that the boy's mother immediately removed him from the home and made it clear he wouldn't be going back is confirmation that you did the right thing. I saw in some comments below that the grandmother reacted by crying. I hope this will be a wakeup call for her. It sounds like she was also informed prior that she is not supposed to handle meltdowns that way, which makes what happened even more disturbing. THANK YOU for advocating for that child. You were not overreacting. If I were his mother, I would be unbelievably grateful that you put personal relationships/fear of awkwardness/etc aside to do what is right and speak up. As a mother, I pray that my child (all children, really) crosses paths with people like you in her moments of vulnerability when I can't be there. You're my hero., This is horrifying., If that’s what she does in front of ppl, I would hate to think what she possibly does in private. You absolutely did the right thing., THANK YOU FOR PROTECTING AN AUTITSIC CHILD FROM FURTHER ABUSE. - An autistic adult. It doesn't matter if the grandmother's intentions were good or that she was simply uneducated about how to respond. She was still causing trauma., Its not covering ones mouth that is the problem here, the parents should know not to take the kid to someones home and drop them off with someone that doesn't have any inkling of how to deal with this, and depending on culture, socioeconomic status, etc, her procedure may be the status quo. I cover my sons mouth when he screams because I will literally go deaf otherwise. Had he screamed in your baby girls ear and caused her hearing damage, you may have a change of heart on what the intention of the grandmother was., A four year old autistic child should never have been left with his grandmother in the first place. This is why I don’t allow my child over relatives houses unsupervised., I do feel bad because the grandma was crying after. The boys mother said she knows she isn't supposed to be doing that and that she is supposed to call her if he has a meltdown so she can come get him and help., I second this, thank you so much for speaking up for this child! Please don’t feel bad OP, you did the right thing., This is very true, I am glad I went with my gut and got him out of that situation and that he won't be alone with grandma for a little while., This is an excellent point. Older generations and people in general just do not get it. “It” being that autism is a disability and you can’t parent it away., ❤️, Covering your sons mouth is being interpreted by his brain as trauma. Your behavior is causing him long-term consequences. His nervous system doesn't understand why you're doing what you're doing; all his brain knows is that someone is causing him trauma. Please figure out an alternative! Get noise-cancelling headphones if you have to, but please do not ever cover his mouth again., Yeah I don’t want to project too much of my own experience into the situation, but at least for the grandmother in my situation (not with my child but her other autistic adhd child) there is an element of feeling like “if the mom was just more firm with him and taught him to not scream and use words he would be a normal child”. There is a level of denial of their autism and disability so they can’t step back and see that the meltdowns are not typical child tantrums (which honestly would escalate with putting your hand over their mouth too). Sounds like grandma was overwhelmed and reacted badly and the mom is right to not allow him unsupervised visits until she can ask for help and respond in a way that doesn’t escalate things. Autistic meltdowns can be very distressing and not everyone can handle them esp if they like a feeling of control, I don't take advice from internet strangers, I have plenty of professionals who are involved. You're kidding yourself if you think you can talk to people like that and be taken seriously., She is definitely a control monger, it was very difficult to witness because I just felt like the little boy felt he was being attacked and couldn't understand, You're kidding yourself if you think you aren't causing long term damage to your child and his relationship with you. I say this as 1) a professional that deals with multiple neurodivergent children daily, 2) the parent of an autistic child, and 3) an autistic adult myself who was treated similarly as a child. You don't have to listen to me, obviously. But if your child cuts you out of their life as soon as they have the ability to, don't say no one ever warned you., Ok. Would you at least be willing to evaluate what your behavior is teaching your child, then? - You are teaching him that it's OK for an adult (someone bigger & stronger) to physically enforce their will on him. - You are teaching him that he can engage in this behavior if someone smaller and younger than him is making a noise he doesn't like. These are both incredibly dangerous things for him to learn. What happens if he covers a baby's mouth while it's wailing because he can't stand it and he accidentally causes harm? What if someone abuses him and the resultant feelings of helplessness are normalized for him because of these experiences? That will make the impact of the abuse worse. We are a very vulnerable population and experience abuse at a higher rate than the neurotypical population. You need to be proactively teaching him about consent and bodily autonomy. How can you do that if you don't think it's dangerous to violate his autonomy? I understand you care for him, but your intentions don't matter as much as your behavior matters. There are better solutions for both of you. Please just be willing to explore., He was being attacked., Because I lightly cover his mouth when he is screaming bloody murder? As I cradle him in my arms and shush him as he is curled up in the fetal position? You have no idea. You should go be a professional where you can actually observe and not try to be a keyboard therapist., Please tell me how to teach my child (who cannot process someone telling him that something harmful will cause him harm) about bodily autonomy. I'd love to see the objective evidence of what you're saying too. I see logical fallacies in your argument. Slippery slope there., I'm assuming you're calling my "What if ..." questions slippery slopes. I disagree that they're logical fallacies because I don't think either suggestion is an exaggeration. Even if you're right, however, and both of my suggestions are unlikely to occur, how does that mean that it's not dangerous for your son to internalize that it's OK for someone bigger & stronger to physically enforce their will on him? It's a dangerous assumption that it won't ever affect his development and safety. Going back to the brain part of it, there are loads of studies showing how physical restraint is linked to a trauma response and PTSD. Dr. Peter Levine even makes the argument that being immobilized by paramedics (for your safety) after a car-accident can contribute to the way your brain stores the trauma of the car accident and make you more likely to have a post-traumatic stress response. (I highly recommend his books if you're interested in how the nervous system interprets and stores trauma). Otherwise, you can go to scholar.google.com and search for things like "physical restraint + trauma" or "autism + ptsd" or "autism + abuse" to quickly find literature discussing these topics. You can teach him about bodily autonomy by modeling, for one. You're not the only parent to an autistic child who wonders about how to teach skills like this. There's a group called Autism Inclusivity on FB that is specifically geared towards answering questions like this for parents of autistic adults. You could also probably get some ideas from asking this sub. I understand not wanting to listen to some rando on the internet so why don't you ask your pediatrician or someone who specializes in trauma what they think? Psychology has come a long way in recent years and we know a lot more now. BTW, I'm not trying to shame you or to say that you're a bad parent; I'm trying to make the argument that your good intentions might have dire consequences. Why gamble when there are resources out there that could provide you with alternative solutions that are safe for the both of you?, P.S. There's a book by Dr. Ross Greene called "The Explosive Child" that a lot of parents of autistic children recommend, btw. I am lucky to have great parents, but I do wish they had been more educated when they were raising me. They did their best, but that doesn't mean that they couldn't have parented me in a healthier way. I fully believe that you as the parent are the best person to help your son with his meltdowns, not just by how you respond to them, but also in teaching him how to regulate & helping reduce & prevent them. Thank you for at least entertaining what I have to say.

Covers his ears while eating?

I noticed a couple of times, my son will eat something and then cry and cover his ears. Not sure if he bit his tongue or if the ears are hurting. He had a wellness check a week ago and no ear infections. Not sure if this is common? Should I schedule another appointment for the ear if this continues for a couple more weeks? I just noticed it today and yesterday. Any advice would be great! He is also non-verbal.

Is he eating something really crunchy? Sometimes when I eat things like thick potato chips the sound is so loud in my head that it hurts my ears., Ear covering/pressure is not uncommon for any kind of overwhelming stimulus. And it doesn't necessarily mean that they dislike what's happening, just that it's a bit much. For my non-verbal kid, I consider it an exclamation mark. It doesn't tell me if he's happy or sad, just that he's not neutral., He could be having teeth coming in that's causing pain., Probably likes the sound inside his head, Does it do this will all textures of foods?, He only eats crunchy foods! But it’s so odd that it’s a habit that just started with the ear covering. Hopefully his ears aren’t hurting him :(, This makes a lot of sense! Thank you!, He only eats crunchy foods. You think he could be enjoying the sounds??, The sound is worse for me when I have any sort of congestion because it blocks up my ears and makes it like an echo chamber when I crunch super crunchy stuff, Possibly, that or not enjoying them. I assume he keeps chewing / eating it though, so if it was that miserable he probably wouldn't. /shrug, I used to do that as a child. Chewing food sounds different with and without ears covered. Some foods sounded better with my ears closed. I used to do this when my mom would vaccuum, for the same reason. The noise didn't bother me but I liked the way I could manipulate how it sounded by covering and uncovering my ears. I forgot all about doing this until I saw your post, Lol., I hate the sound of vacuums... but I don't know if it's the noise, or the fact that I know my wife is going to ask me to help clean. =D, Is he eating something really crunchy? Sometimes when I eat things like thick potato chips the sound is so loud in my head that it hurts my ears., Ear covering/pressure is not uncommon for any kind of overwhelming stimulus. And it doesn't necessarily mean that they dislike what's happening, just that it's a bit much. For my non-verbal kid, I consider it an exclamation mark. It doesn't tell me if he's happy or sad, just that he's not neutral., He could be having teeth coming in that's causing pain., Probably likes the sound inside his head, Does it do this will all textures of foods?, He only eats crunchy foods! But it’s so odd that it’s a habit that just started with the ear covering. Hopefully his ears aren’t hurting him :(, This makes a lot of sense! Thank you!, He only eats crunchy foods. You think he could be enjoying the sounds??, The sound is worse for me when I have any sort of congestion because it blocks up my ears and makes it like an echo chamber when I crunch super crunchy stuff, Possibly, that or not enjoying them. I assume he keeps chewing / eating it though, so if it was that miserable he probably wouldn't. /shrug, I used to do that as a child. Chewing food sounds different with and without ears covered. Some foods sounded better with my ears closed. I used to do this when my mom would vaccuum, for the same reason. The noise didn't bother me but I liked the way I could manipulate how it sounded by covering and uncovering my ears. I forgot all about doing this until I saw your post, Lol., I hate the sound of vacuums... but I don't know if it's the noise, or the fact that I know my wife is going to ask me to help clean. =D, Is he eating something really crunchy? Sometimes when I eat things like thick potato chips the sound is so loud in my head that it hurts my ears., Ear covering/pressure is not uncommon for any kind of overwhelming stimulus. And it doesn't necessarily mean that they dislike what's happening, just that it's a bit much. For my non-verbal kid, I consider it an exclamation mark. It doesn't tell me if he's happy or sad, just that he's not neutral., He could be having teeth coming in that's causing pain., Probably likes the sound inside his head, Does it do this will all textures of foods?, He only eats crunchy foods! But it’s so odd that it’s a habit that just started with the ear covering. Hopefully his ears aren’t hurting him :(, This makes a lot of sense! Thank you!, He only eats crunchy foods. You think he could be enjoying the sounds??, The sound is worse for me when I have any sort of congestion because it blocks up my ears and makes it like an echo chamber when I crunch super crunchy stuff, Possibly, that or not enjoying them. I assume he keeps chewing / eating it though, so if it was that miserable he probably wouldn't. /shrug, I used to do that as a child. Chewing food sounds different with and without ears covered. Some foods sounded better with my ears closed. I used to do this when my mom would vaccuum, for the same reason. The noise didn't bother me but I liked the way I could manipulate how it sounded by covering and uncovering my ears. I forgot all about doing this until I saw your post, Lol., I hate the sound of vacuums... but I don't know if it's the noise, or the fact that I know my wife is going to ask me to help clean. =D, Is he eating something really crunchy? Sometimes when I eat things like thick potato chips the sound is so loud in my head that it hurts my ears., Ear covering/pressure is not uncommon for any kind of overwhelming stimulus. And it doesn't necessarily mean that they dislike what's happening, just that it's a bit much. For my non-verbal kid, I consider it an exclamation mark. It doesn't tell me if he's happy or sad, just that he's not neutral., He could be having teeth coming in that's causing pain., Probably likes the sound inside his head, Does it do this will all textures of foods?, He only eats crunchy foods! But it’s so odd that it’s a habit that just started with the ear covering. Hopefully his ears aren’t hurting him :(, This makes a lot of sense! Thank you!, He only eats crunchy foods. You think he could be enjoying the sounds??, The sound is worse for me when I have any sort of congestion because it blocks up my ears and makes it like an echo chamber when I crunch super crunchy stuff, Possibly, that or not enjoying them. I assume he keeps chewing / eating it though, so if it was that miserable he probably wouldn't. /shrug, I used to do that as a child. Chewing food sounds different with and without ears covered. Some foods sounded better with my ears closed. I used to do this when my mom would vaccuum, for the same reason. The noise didn't bother me but I liked the way I could manipulate how it sounded by covering and uncovering my ears. I forgot all about doing this until I saw your post, Lol., I hate the sound of vacuums... but I don't know if it's the noise, or the fact that I know my wife is going to ask me to help clean. =D

Crippling feeling

Does anyone else get overly and constantly worried about your kid not being self sufficient when they grow old? Like you’re having a good time and all of a sudden that feeling of anxiety and dread takes over and just takes you totally off track. Mine is still very young (3F, NV) but I’m always worried about her future and will she be okay overall. It’s depressing and I can’t avoid feeling helpless. Just need a place to vent a little. EDIT: Thanks for all your responses. It’s a combination of a lot of things. I truly believe no one should have to be in a state of constant worry because of this condition or anything else but we play with the cards we’re dealt with. We fight on!

Absolutely. It comes and goes too. When it’s really bad;m, I cried all night and tell myself that I need therapy. Then it gets better again. This is the hardest part about this- worrying about the future., The feelings can get really overwhelming during holiday seasons. Take care of yourself and give yourself some grace ✨, I understand. I will be okay and all of a sudden the tears start rushing out. I don’t mind my son living with me forever. Forever is truly not forever because one day I will cease to exist and then what? He has no brothers or sisters to at least check up on him. His father is absent. My parents are in their late 50/early 60s. Ive bargained with God but it’s like throwing a prayer into the air that carries it away with no answer in return. My anxiety is up because of this and I used to be a carefree person but not so much anymore., Absolutely! It takes my breath away at times. Exactly why I'm medicated with an anti-anxiety. I've no shame about that. My kid needs me to be my best and if I'm in an anxious-hole I can't be my best. Being ok with uncertainty has never been my strong point. That's all autism is. A big ball of uncertainty! Be kind to yourself OP. These feelings come and go. It's utter shite. I hear you!, absolutely. My son is almost 6 and in Kindergarten, so it's early. But... his teachers tend to be VERY careful about managing expectations with us... so maybe the writing is on the wall? Either way the best I can do is control what we're able to control. We try to plan financially for a future of supporting him throughout life and make sure we have strong connections with family that can look after him if something happens to us. It's like everything else with the ASD experience. Take some time to get in the correct mental state - and then try to think through how to logically attack it. The goal is to get yourself the answers to the worst case scenarios so you can live in today and enjoy it instead of stressing about the future. I don't know if my son will ever be able to hold down a job or live independently - but I do know my sister will take him in if anything happens to my wife and I..., That and statistically, my daughter is the primo candidate for a predator. The autism makes her silent and submissive. A predator could not only snatch her without a scream but could make her come along quietly. I've stopped encouraging her to be polite to strangers. And we actively work on her speaking up for herself. "NO!" "STOP!" Even her teacher said it's a problem at school, she'll let people tell her where to stand, what to say, and doesn't complain when stuff is snatched from her., I try not to. He's making amazing progress every day, I'd hate to miss because I'm too consumed with worrying about shit that's not really in my control, Yeah it’s hard. Take care of your health, they need you, Yes your not alone. My boys 3 and I honestly just live in the now I try my best not to think of the future. Or i get really depressed and down., I felt that way a lot in the beginning. It was new, and not knowing what our future would look like was terrifying. Years have passed now, and the reality that he will never be self-sufficient has fully set in. It's like you kinda switch from panic mode to planning mode., I have a NV 2.7 yo. I've accepted that this may be me and my wife's reality. Made my peace with it. I love that little nugget and even as he becomes a big nugget and if I'm still changing his diapers when he's 20 I'm going to try to enjoy every moment I get to spend with him. If he manages to improve over his life with all the therapies he is in then it will be a nice surprise, but I'm not expecting anything. It really helps the existential dread., I actually think it would help a lot of parents to actually go and physically visit a few group homes. I’m an electrician and I’ve done work in several and the autistic residents I’ve seen and met couldn’t be happier. Their routines are respected, the employees really love to hammer in routines and they ensure that all residents are taken care of, even getting them up, stretching and active, and promoting them to do activities whether it be gardening, watching TV in a common room, or just chilling in their bedrooms. Meds are administered on time and they even have game nights where everyone participates and has a really good time. It’s for this reason that I realized why some school IEP programs will pivot a child’s learning based on their potential aptitudes in life. L3 children with high support needs have an educational focus on life skills. They hone in on skills regarding social manners and being able to do chores and all the back end repetitive tasks that we all do when we are at home. Since most autistic adults in the US qualify for disability once they turn 18, they have at least a basic level of income to move through life. While most people grieve the lives that they wanted their children to live, they fail to acknowledge the fact that these kids are absolutely ELATED to eat the same meals and enjoy their shows and special interests. They don’t care about being the ceo of a Fortune 500 company or being a firearms expert or a cop. The ultimately goal of life is to be happy and once they discover that, let them enjoy it. As a parent, once you can accept this, you’ll find peace. They aren’t trapped there. You can still visit, go on brunch dates and everything whilst having your own independence as your child transitions into adulthood. I’m working hard and taking care of business while they’re young so that when I eventually pass, they’ll be financially well off with my estate and life insurance being paid out to them monthly over the course of years and decades to supplement their disability income to ensure that they can live a financially comfortable life without the ability to ruin themselves. Put your mind to rest and enjoy these kids, they’ll be fine, Pretty much every single day. Im wrapping my head around him living with me forever and then preparing his brother as best we can financially to look after him after my wife and I are too old or gone., Yep, it usually happens when I try to get my child's attention to no avail. It's like she is blind to the world around her. I will watch things like I'm Autistic, Now What? on YouTube and it makes me feel better. I get to see a lot of examples of autistic adults who are functioning on their own and relatively happy., 100% but then I remember I struggled with a lot of the same things my kiddo struggles with now, but my kiddo has a LOT more support than I ever did., I worry all the time. It bothers me just like you described, but then I try to snap out of it and tell myself I guess I’ll have to deal with that when the time comes., Yes, it comes in waves. You’re not alone. I try to remember that nobody’s path is ever guaranteed. And that may look different from other people., You think a lot about this stuff in the beginning. As time moves on and you realize they probably are with your for life I feel like it actually frees you some. Like I just get to enjoy my son and get to have my buddy around for life. Things you worry about today will be different in a year. We actually had the idea of starting to write the things down that we're worried about so that we could laugh at them down the road. Just this year my son started pulling his own pants up when he goes to the potty. We've been trying to get him to do that forever but one day he just started doing it on his own. Remember to enjoy your kid. You don't want to get past childhood and realize that you spent the whole time focusing on trying to make them grown. They may never leave and that's okay, Used to. Oldest was NV at that age. Therapy can pay off big time. I do suspect that he might live with us for a while after school, but providing that we raise him to pull his weight , that may not be a bad thing. Intergenerational households can be a very good thing for ND folks who struggle with forming outside connections., My kid is 8, so I don’t get the unknown future feeling anymore. I know he won’t be independent so now I just plan as best I can for how and when he’ll be transitioned into some type of living program. Now I just focus on what is and will Hopefully be avalible., I think about it every day. Finding a good, permanent group home is hard. Without living family, I worry about our child being vulnerable., If it is taking away from things perhaps you should go see someone and discuss it, perhaps even medication is an option., I have got this way while reading many posts like this and looking more into it online, and then my son smiled at me and laughed and made me laugh. Caused my heart to soften and reminded me to be here in the present with him., Yep. I am a single parent too, my wife passed away two years ago. 3F NV as well., I have serious doubts my little man will be able to live independently. So I am working on creating a long term plan. Me and my wife have started with estate planning. Once we get that nailed down we will work on social services for little man. He is only 10 right now so we have time to get things situated but we want to be sure to do this so before either of us are gone so even though he will surely miss us it won't be a case where mom and or dad pass and o ya now you need to find a new place to live and the poor kid has his whole life upended right when he is experiencing some of the worst loss / grief of his life., This describes exactly how I feel., It’s so incredibly scary. My neighbour friend who is a child psychologist said many psychs are raving about this book that I’ll link below for their asd tween/teens. Not sure how old your daughter is, but it is supposed to be a wonderful guide for asd kids to develop strong boundaries/advocate for themselves. I just ordered it. The author is asd herself. Sending love from a mama with similar concerns ❤️ [https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1739662709?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_Q7P4NGY4HRZMWXFF0BCR&language=en-CA](https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1739662709?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_Q7P4NGY4HRZMWXFF0BCR&language=en-CA), That’s something I never really thought about until he was born. But I look at my health entirely differently now, [deleted], I just love this so much! Thank you!!, That’s what scares me. After we’re gone., How did you come to acceptance I am so worried for when I pass away and what will happen to my son. We need to save more and make more money and we’re constantly anxious about what happens to him when we’re not there, That sounds tough... How did you come to acceptance?, Mine is almost 8 and still needs assistance with every part of his life. Eating, bathing, dressing, all of it. When he was around 5 and still made very little progress in so many areas, it just became a reality I needed to prepare for., Let me tell you how fucked up things have gotten for me, I have considered that - after an *extremely* long and wonderful life - it would be better that my son passes away before me just so I know he was ok and protected his entire life. Then I’d die happy the very next minute. I feel horrible for even typing that. I mean what kind of parent doesn’t wanna be long dead before their kids? God, I love him so very much. The stress from worry is almost too much, I intend to have him transitioned into a home well before I die. Set up a trust, ect. I’m just going to do everything in my power to make sure that me dieing isn’t life altering for him because he’ll already be set up. Now where that will be or what that will look like is still up in the air and I don’t think those questions can easily be answered for at least another 10-15 years., I’m a pessimist by nature, but he’s severe so there’s not really any choice not to accept it. He’s cognitively delayed and has very poor receptive language., [deleted], I'm there with you. My daughter is 3.5 now and non Verbal Level 3. More and more I'm getting calls from daycare to pick her up because of meltdowns. It's only a matter of time before she gets kicked out. We are barely able to save any money after bills as I have her and her 2 yr old sister in daycare. I know it's early but I just have a feeling she won't be independent. I want to start working on setting her up for after I'm gone I just can't afford anything extra right now. Once they are out of daycare and in school I'll ne able to save but if me or my wife has to quit to take care of her full time cuz she can't go to school due to meltdowns im screwed., Yeah, I guess it might be "easier" to accept when it is more pronounced. My son is 9 and I have been holding hope that it will get better for ages (being gaslit by the NHS doctors and teachers not paying attention). And I am just so tired of holding that hope. It just does not get better. It gets even worse when all the kids have more "mature" interests (whatever it means for 9yos) and my son still does pretend play, because he only found the joy of it a few years ago, not at 2... So I just struggle to accept how bad things are because my son looks normal and nobody sees the whole picture... Am I just trying to pretend for the sake of the others' opinions?.., Oh God. That’s awful., Me too. We are so worried. My 19 month old has been sent home due to meltdowns and it’s really hard on our jobs.

Cubby Bed

Hi there So I was trying to obtain a Cubby Bed trough insurance. All though in their website states that insurance like Medicaid cover the bed expenses when I went to the Medical equipment Supplier’s they said that Medicaid doesn’t cover it here in North Carolina. Anyone experienced the same issues? I can’t pay that amount of money right now ($15k) If Cubby isn’t an option, then any of you guys have found a different safe alternative for your little one? My son has no sense or awareness of danger, he elopes, has terrible sleeping patterns. He has a bed with bed rails and we are in constant precautions that he doesn’t throw himself form over them. We are taking turns and sleeping with him mean while we fin a solution . We’ve tried different alternatives but have not found one safe that works for our son. Any guide, advice ?

We bought Cubby Bed Pro with Tech HUB through Federal Blue Cross Blue Shields. Fronted like $5,000 then got refunded $3,000 a few months later so for a retail medical bed that totals about $30,000 our out of pocket is $2,000. Extra sheets are like $250 because they are proprietary safety sheets. Its honestly the best purchase we ever made for our LO. Took like 2 months start to delivery. He now sleeps like 10-12 hours a night and loves the bed. It will last them their whole lives if that level of safety is needed so the cost made sense. For traveling we bought this in the full size for safety. No insurance help on this one unfortunately. https://safetysleeper.com/products/300-model-medical-canopy-bed-for-special-needs?variant=43271578321051, Commenting to follow. Also in NC, what we tried in place of a cubby bed didn’t work. Still sleeping with her. We used a queen mattress on a self-built frame only slightly off the floor for the longest time for me to stay with her comfortably until she sleeps before trying to create a more calming environment (bunk bed with no ladder+sheets Velcro to the frames+dimmable led lights set to warm tone+bumper to reduce the chance of falling out of bed) and she’s still not going down unless she’s nursing, still at or after 2am., How old is your son? Mine will not stay in bed and will wander around too. Currently we are using a hexagon playpen with a hexagon mattress from Amazon. He is 4 yrs old and tall for his age and he fits in there comfortably. [mattress](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LZP1QSE?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title) [playpen](https://www.amazon.com/Dream-On-Me-Onyx-Playpen/dp/B083R3H1VM/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=16OMOSAD610IZ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Wf1EcH5AeutAqeQMQilZKNuYXq4yot2HDqoHgUR7vu2AhKJ2jqKH-8t7JURPVXkAgLE8b3MN7Kwsezm7ibtmMqx7usCNdc38u2HdUd7GKv1eHUt9dEITRPdB3s1kRQZsUJuHu0fGcq0o21BLN-zSJX3YDm9W4tOOsLlpfYF9Fsu3z-JDEuDhf4DFuo6Ha5Sqd8c5YeJg7Kxuk8-9BaUXsQ.ovF2EIcaWxTtFEbxmvwLdK7MFbZEQdJjCe4-NYIxARo&dib_tag=se&keywords=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon&qid=1711424817&sprefix=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-3), Is he eloping from the bedroom and that is what's making safety an issue? If so, we go through the same thing. We got one of these [Amazon.com: DOOR MONKEY Child Proof Door Lock & Pinch Guard - For Door Knobs & Lever Handles - Easy to Install - No Tools or Tape Required - Baby Safety Door Lock For Kids - Very Portable - Great for Dogs & Cats : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/DOOR-MONKEY-Door-Pinch-Guard/dp/B004ECJWK4/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=I5DD173RP1T4&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UA7KMld2VNzt5LNoqdOWbsYCI1LNPMFlU3mL1aj4quYc7np1pdHWAP6tJaSypE1tcTvWE9N8UgHy-xlQU3SSqGdnw4rL9FddLll5MnElYQW4tVv_cww4Owrz4Vhu-Nav3zIMooDj8ujJ68CbiNO5X1zujqqiJD4kkpSVpJb2Ni9oA7VLJ8oUoEg9ZxMiM__OAeMkdBo4RZSrmRQlBb5jH0gJ7yyKwB8dckHUCXn1-l8HmLL17Ql9f3kgP-QZOSQ7nvgKzFe5kHVjuvfgIIHXRxpbGuOFvXrYGfJyQXOaNx4.Wzm_F4CEYYLDBHjWdrzhXFLL8r4FBPPDgvNS8VZ367g&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+monkey&qid=1711460665&sprefix=door+monkey%2Caps%2C99&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) and it keeps him safe in his room while the rest of the family is sleeping. We also use these [Amazon.com : EUDEMON 4 Pack Baby Safety Door Knob Covers Door Knob Locks : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/EUDEMON-Pack-Safety-Covers-Locks/dp/B01K3SOW98/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=3K07JIABPTQNH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.zn96lJRpskyfeP8S0V4PSgpMhReJd-4EklvDbObCVAHnDSF1BJE1G25E3RSZsXCriLCgev7S2YvPcEF02C5v36B3nzh51BaXlrd00dBKuaTCReoXFzUlAFdtwJcVnjC8TMZG4HoIpsVqfQbIXoIHn97SCo9eFHx32jp_Xz7PBu1iroWCmpbAw1ge5sAWsQnmxsSKLauzfD23N5udAqfzV75KK9gtHCIg3GJl89whBWJc0IoQoq_IouwDtg-wp6mhVjBoQcNMfyl7uhmFt0QLSTQiurqhoNMnJgeu0P4edyw.ZP14YErQaX-vKWlSLpkuRQsCubvoUKmANbYjIDnNV60&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+safety+door+knob+cover&qid=1711460702&sprefix=kids+safety+door+knob%2Caps%2C102&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) for the front door, and other rooms he does not need to access (laundry room and such.), Sorry to hear that. This is one of my priority subjects, safety at night time. Hope we can all find something that works. He used to have a crib but outgrew it and he was hitting his head constantly with the sides so, we went with the mattress in the floor but he would go to sleep because he was accesible to everything in his room. we then gave him a queen bed with rails and now he tries to climb them. If he falls he could get injured. That’s why we stay the night with him. I red about the tents but they aren’t recommended, not safe for little children., Totally understand. That’s exactly why I stay with her too. Not only to try to keep her calm but also to minimize risk of injury, and because she just won’t sleep without me lol. Best of luck and well wishes to you! Excited to hear if there’s a solution., We bought Cubby Bed Pro with Tech HUB through Federal Blue Cross Blue Shields. Fronted like $5,000 then got refunded $3,000 a few months later so for a retail medical bed that totals about $30,000 our out of pocket is $2,000. Extra sheets are like $250 because they are proprietary safety sheets. Its honestly the best purchase we ever made for our LO. Took like 2 months start to delivery. He now sleeps like 10-12 hours a night and loves the bed. It will last them their whole lives if that level of safety is needed so the cost made sense. For traveling we bought this in the full size for safety. No insurance help on this one unfortunately. https://safetysleeper.com/products/300-model-medical-canopy-bed-for-special-needs?variant=43271578321051, Commenting to follow. Also in NC, what we tried in place of a cubby bed didn’t work. Still sleeping with her. We used a queen mattress on a self-built frame only slightly off the floor for the longest time for me to stay with her comfortably until she sleeps before trying to create a more calming environment (bunk bed with no ladder+sheets Velcro to the frames+dimmable led lights set to warm tone+bumper to reduce the chance of falling out of bed) and she’s still not going down unless she’s nursing, still at or after 2am., How old is your son? Mine will not stay in bed and will wander around too. Currently we are using a hexagon playpen with a hexagon mattress from Amazon. He is 4 yrs old and tall for his age and he fits in there comfortably. [mattress](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LZP1QSE?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title) [playpen](https://www.amazon.com/Dream-On-Me-Onyx-Playpen/dp/B083R3H1VM/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=16OMOSAD610IZ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Wf1EcH5AeutAqeQMQilZKNuYXq4yot2HDqoHgUR7vu2AhKJ2jqKH-8t7JURPVXkAgLE8b3MN7Kwsezm7ibtmMqx7usCNdc38u2HdUd7GKv1eHUt9dEITRPdB3s1kRQZsUJuHu0fGcq0o21BLN-zSJX3YDm9W4tOOsLlpfYF9Fsu3z-JDEuDhf4DFuo6Ha5Sqd8c5YeJg7Kxuk8-9BaUXsQ.ovF2EIcaWxTtFEbxmvwLdK7MFbZEQdJjCe4-NYIxARo&dib_tag=se&keywords=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon&qid=1711424817&sprefix=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-3), Is he eloping from the bedroom and that is what's making safety an issue? If so, we go through the same thing. We got one of these [Amazon.com: DOOR MONKEY Child Proof Door Lock & Pinch Guard - For Door Knobs & Lever Handles - Easy to Install - No Tools or Tape Required - Baby Safety Door Lock For Kids - Very Portable - Great for Dogs & Cats : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/DOOR-MONKEY-Door-Pinch-Guard/dp/B004ECJWK4/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=I5DD173RP1T4&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UA7KMld2VNzt5LNoqdOWbsYCI1LNPMFlU3mL1aj4quYc7np1pdHWAP6tJaSypE1tcTvWE9N8UgHy-xlQU3SSqGdnw4rL9FddLll5MnElYQW4tVv_cww4Owrz4Vhu-Nav3zIMooDj8ujJ68CbiNO5X1zujqqiJD4kkpSVpJb2Ni9oA7VLJ8oUoEg9ZxMiM__OAeMkdBo4RZSrmRQlBb5jH0gJ7yyKwB8dckHUCXn1-l8HmLL17Ql9f3kgP-QZOSQ7nvgKzFe5kHVjuvfgIIHXRxpbGuOFvXrYGfJyQXOaNx4.Wzm_F4CEYYLDBHjWdrzhXFLL8r4FBPPDgvNS8VZ367g&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+monkey&qid=1711460665&sprefix=door+monkey%2Caps%2C99&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) and it keeps him safe in his room while the rest of the family is sleeping. We also use these [Amazon.com : EUDEMON 4 Pack Baby Safety Door Knob Covers Door Knob Locks : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/EUDEMON-Pack-Safety-Covers-Locks/dp/B01K3SOW98/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=3K07JIABPTQNH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.zn96lJRpskyfeP8S0V4PSgpMhReJd-4EklvDbObCVAHnDSF1BJE1G25E3RSZsXCriLCgev7S2YvPcEF02C5v36B3nzh51BaXlrd00dBKuaTCReoXFzUlAFdtwJcVnjC8TMZG4HoIpsVqfQbIXoIHn97SCo9eFHx32jp_Xz7PBu1iroWCmpbAw1ge5sAWsQnmxsSKLauzfD23N5udAqfzV75KK9gtHCIg3GJl89whBWJc0IoQoq_IouwDtg-wp6mhVjBoQcNMfyl7uhmFt0QLSTQiurqhoNMnJgeu0P4edyw.ZP14YErQaX-vKWlSLpkuRQsCubvoUKmANbYjIDnNV60&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+safety+door+knob+cover&qid=1711460702&sprefix=kids+safety+door+knob%2Caps%2C102&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) for the front door, and other rooms he does not need to access (laundry room and such.), Sorry to hear that. This is one of my priority subjects, safety at night time. Hope we can all find something that works. He used to have a crib but outgrew it and he was hitting his head constantly with the sides so, we went with the mattress in the floor but he would go to sleep because he was accesible to everything in his room. we then gave him a queen bed with rails and now he tries to climb them. If he falls he could get injured. That’s why we stay the night with him. I red about the tents but they aren’t recommended, not safe for little children., Totally understand. That’s exactly why I stay with her too. Not only to try to keep her calm but also to minimize risk of injury, and because she just won’t sleep without me lol. Best of luck and well wishes to you! Excited to hear if there’s a solution., We bought Cubby Bed Pro with Tech HUB through Federal Blue Cross Blue Shields. Fronted like $5,000 then got refunded $3,000 a few months later so for a retail medical bed that totals about $30,000 our out of pocket is $2,000. Extra sheets are like $250 because they are proprietary safety sheets. Its honestly the best purchase we ever made for our LO. Took like 2 months start to delivery. He now sleeps like 10-12 hours a night and loves the bed. It will last them their whole lives if that level of safety is needed so the cost made sense. For traveling we bought this in the full size for safety. No insurance help on this one unfortunately. https://safetysleeper.com/products/300-model-medical-canopy-bed-for-special-needs?variant=43271578321051, Commenting to follow. Also in NC, what we tried in place of a cubby bed didn’t work. Still sleeping with her. We used a queen mattress on a self-built frame only slightly off the floor for the longest time for me to stay with her comfortably until she sleeps before trying to create a more calming environment (bunk bed with no ladder+sheets Velcro to the frames+dimmable led lights set to warm tone+bumper to reduce the chance of falling out of bed) and she’s still not going down unless she’s nursing, still at or after 2am., How old is your son? Mine will not stay in bed and will wander around too. Currently we are using a hexagon playpen with a hexagon mattress from Amazon. He is 4 yrs old and tall for his age and he fits in there comfortably. [mattress](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LZP1QSE?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title) [playpen](https://www.amazon.com/Dream-On-Me-Onyx-Playpen/dp/B083R3H1VM/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=16OMOSAD610IZ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Wf1EcH5AeutAqeQMQilZKNuYXq4yot2HDqoHgUR7vu2AhKJ2jqKH-8t7JURPVXkAgLE8b3MN7Kwsezm7ibtmMqx7usCNdc38u2HdUd7GKv1eHUt9dEITRPdB3s1kRQZsUJuHu0fGcq0o21BLN-zSJX3YDm9W4tOOsLlpfYF9Fsu3z-JDEuDhf4DFuo6Ha5Sqd8c5YeJg7Kxuk8-9BaUXsQ.ovF2EIcaWxTtFEbxmvwLdK7MFbZEQdJjCe4-NYIxARo&dib_tag=se&keywords=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon&qid=1711424817&sprefix=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-3), Is he eloping from the bedroom and that is what's making safety an issue? If so, we go through the same thing. We got one of these [Amazon.com: DOOR MONKEY Child Proof Door Lock & Pinch Guard - For Door Knobs & Lever Handles - Easy to Install - No Tools or Tape Required - Baby Safety Door Lock For Kids - Very Portable - Great for Dogs & Cats : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/DOOR-MONKEY-Door-Pinch-Guard/dp/B004ECJWK4/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=I5DD173RP1T4&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UA7KMld2VNzt5LNoqdOWbsYCI1LNPMFlU3mL1aj4quYc7np1pdHWAP6tJaSypE1tcTvWE9N8UgHy-xlQU3SSqGdnw4rL9FddLll5MnElYQW4tVv_cww4Owrz4Vhu-Nav3zIMooDj8ujJ68CbiNO5X1zujqqiJD4kkpSVpJb2Ni9oA7VLJ8oUoEg9ZxMiM__OAeMkdBo4RZSrmRQlBb5jH0gJ7yyKwB8dckHUCXn1-l8HmLL17Ql9f3kgP-QZOSQ7nvgKzFe5kHVjuvfgIIHXRxpbGuOFvXrYGfJyQXOaNx4.Wzm_F4CEYYLDBHjWdrzhXFLL8r4FBPPDgvNS8VZ367g&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+monkey&qid=1711460665&sprefix=door+monkey%2Caps%2C99&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) and it keeps him safe in his room while the rest of the family is sleeping. We also use these [Amazon.com : EUDEMON 4 Pack Baby Safety Door Knob Covers Door Knob Locks : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/EUDEMON-Pack-Safety-Covers-Locks/dp/B01K3SOW98/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=3K07JIABPTQNH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.zn96lJRpskyfeP8S0V4PSgpMhReJd-4EklvDbObCVAHnDSF1BJE1G25E3RSZsXCriLCgev7S2YvPcEF02C5v36B3nzh51BaXlrd00dBKuaTCReoXFzUlAFdtwJcVnjC8TMZG4HoIpsVqfQbIXoIHn97SCo9eFHx32jp_Xz7PBu1iroWCmpbAw1ge5sAWsQnmxsSKLauzfD23N5udAqfzV75KK9gtHCIg3GJl89whBWJc0IoQoq_IouwDtg-wp6mhVjBoQcNMfyl7uhmFt0QLSTQiurqhoNMnJgeu0P4edyw.ZP14YErQaX-vKWlSLpkuRQsCubvoUKmANbYjIDnNV60&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+safety+door+knob+cover&qid=1711460702&sprefix=kids+safety+door+knob%2Caps%2C102&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) for the front door, and other rooms he does not need to access (laundry room and such.), Sorry to hear that. This is one of my priority subjects, safety at night time. Hope we can all find something that works. He used to have a crib but outgrew it and he was hitting his head constantly with the sides so, we went with the mattress in the floor but he would go to sleep because he was accesible to everything in his room. we then gave him a queen bed with rails and now he tries to climb them. If he falls he could get injured. That’s why we stay the night with him. I red about the tents but they aren’t recommended, not safe for little children., Totally understand. That’s exactly why I stay with her too. Not only to try to keep her calm but also to minimize risk of injury, and because she just won’t sleep without me lol. Best of luck and well wishes to you! Excited to hear if there’s a solution., We bought Cubby Bed Pro with Tech HUB through Federal Blue Cross Blue Shields. Fronted like $5,000 then got refunded $3,000 a few months later so for a retail medical bed that totals about $30,000 our out of pocket is $2,000. Extra sheets are like $250 because they are proprietary safety sheets. Its honestly the best purchase we ever made for our LO. Took like 2 months start to delivery. He now sleeps like 10-12 hours a night and loves the bed. It will last them their whole lives if that level of safety is needed so the cost made sense. For traveling we bought this in the full size for safety. No insurance help on this one unfortunately. https://safetysleeper.com/products/300-model-medical-canopy-bed-for-special-needs?variant=43271578321051, Commenting to follow. Also in NC, what we tried in place of a cubby bed didn’t work. Still sleeping with her. We used a queen mattress on a self-built frame only slightly off the floor for the longest time for me to stay with her comfortably until she sleeps before trying to create a more calming environment (bunk bed with no ladder+sheets Velcro to the frames+dimmable led lights set to warm tone+bumper to reduce the chance of falling out of bed) and she’s still not going down unless she’s nursing, still at or after 2am., How old is your son? Mine will not stay in bed and will wander around too. Currently we are using a hexagon playpen with a hexagon mattress from Amazon. He is 4 yrs old and tall for his age and he fits in there comfortably. [mattress](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LZP1QSE?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title) [playpen](https://www.amazon.com/Dream-On-Me-Onyx-Playpen/dp/B083R3H1VM/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=16OMOSAD610IZ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Wf1EcH5AeutAqeQMQilZKNuYXq4yot2HDqoHgUR7vu2AhKJ2jqKH-8t7JURPVXkAgLE8b3MN7Kwsezm7ibtmMqx7usCNdc38u2HdUd7GKv1eHUt9dEITRPdB3s1kRQZsUJuHu0fGcq0o21BLN-zSJX3YDm9W4tOOsLlpfYF9Fsu3z-JDEuDhf4DFuo6Ha5Sqd8c5YeJg7Kxuk8-9BaUXsQ.ovF2EIcaWxTtFEbxmvwLdK7MFbZEQdJjCe4-NYIxARo&dib_tag=se&keywords=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon&qid=1711424817&sprefix=dream+on+me+playpen+hexagon%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-3), Is he eloping from the bedroom and that is what's making safety an issue? If so, we go through the same thing. We got one of these [Amazon.com: DOOR MONKEY Child Proof Door Lock & Pinch Guard - For Door Knobs & Lever Handles - Easy to Install - No Tools or Tape Required - Baby Safety Door Lock For Kids - Very Portable - Great for Dogs & Cats : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/DOOR-MONKEY-Door-Pinch-Guard/dp/B004ECJWK4/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=I5DD173RP1T4&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UA7KMld2VNzt5LNoqdOWbsYCI1LNPMFlU3mL1aj4quYc7np1pdHWAP6tJaSypE1tcTvWE9N8UgHy-xlQU3SSqGdnw4rL9FddLll5MnElYQW4tVv_cww4Owrz4Vhu-Nav3zIMooDj8ujJ68CbiNO5X1zujqqiJD4kkpSVpJb2Ni9oA7VLJ8oUoEg9ZxMiM__OAeMkdBo4RZSrmRQlBb5jH0gJ7yyKwB8dckHUCXn1-l8HmLL17Ql9f3kgP-QZOSQ7nvgKzFe5kHVjuvfgIIHXRxpbGuOFvXrYGfJyQXOaNx4.Wzm_F4CEYYLDBHjWdrzhXFLL8r4FBPPDgvNS8VZ367g&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+monkey&qid=1711460665&sprefix=door+monkey%2Caps%2C99&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) and it keeps him safe in his room while the rest of the family is sleeping. We also use these [Amazon.com : EUDEMON 4 Pack Baby Safety Door Knob Covers Door Knob Locks : Baby](https://www.amazon.com/EUDEMON-Pack-Safety-Covers-Locks/dp/B01K3SOW98/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=3K07JIABPTQNH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.zn96lJRpskyfeP8S0V4PSgpMhReJd-4EklvDbObCVAHnDSF1BJE1G25E3RSZsXCriLCgev7S2YvPcEF02C5v36B3nzh51BaXlrd00dBKuaTCReoXFzUlAFdtwJcVnjC8TMZG4HoIpsVqfQbIXoIHn97SCo9eFHx32jp_Xz7PBu1iroWCmpbAw1ge5sAWsQnmxsSKLauzfD23N5udAqfzV75KK9gtHCIg3GJl89whBWJc0IoQoq_IouwDtg-wp6mhVjBoQcNMfyl7uhmFt0QLSTQiurqhoNMnJgeu0P4edyw.ZP14YErQaX-vKWlSLpkuRQsCubvoUKmANbYjIDnNV60&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+safety+door+knob+cover&qid=1711460702&sprefix=kids+safety+door+knob%2Caps%2C102&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) for the front door, and other rooms he does not need to access (laundry room and such.), Sorry to hear that. This is one of my priority subjects, safety at night time. Hope we can all find something that works. He used to have a crib but outgrew it and he was hitting his head constantly with the sides so, we went with the mattress in the floor but he would go to sleep because he was accesible to everything in his room. we then gave him a queen bed with rails and now he tries to climb them. If he falls he could get injured. That’s why we stay the night with him. I red about the tents but they aren’t recommended, not safe for little children., Totally understand. That’s exactly why I stay with her too. Not only to try to keep her calm but also to minimize risk of injury, and because she just won’t sleep without me lol. Best of luck and well wishes to you! Excited to hear if there’s a solution.

Cubby bed, dangerous?

We finally got approved for a cubby bed. But then I saw several posts of people saying they were calling for a recall due to the risk of entrapment and 2 deaths of children directly related to the bed. Now I’m wondering if we should pick out something else. Any suggestions?

There is no recall but like anything there can be danger if the product is not used right. We have had ours for our Level 3 ASD 3 LO for about 6 months and its been awesome. It’s important to follow instructions on the zip up sheets and use the micro locks to secure sheet to black tab. Also the Electronic HUB use the 2nd micro lock to secure that also. The two deaths were due to people. Not using the safety sheets safely either locks so the kid can unzip then. The other child got finger in tech hub unzipped it and lost their life due to strangulation. I do a safety sweep daily called a functions check just like I would for my other kids vehicles. All products require following the instructions. The bed has been a game changer for our family and our LO loves it., There is no recall but like anything there can be danger if the product is not used right. We have had ours for our Level 3 ASD 3 LO for about 6 months and its been awesome. It’s important to follow instructions on the zip up sheets and use the micro locks to secure sheet to black tab. Also the Electronic HUB use the 2nd micro lock to secure that also. The two deaths were due to people. Not using the safety sheets safely either locks so the kid can unzip then. The other child got finger in tech hub unzipped it and lost their life due to strangulation. I do a safety sweep daily called a functions check just like I would for my other kids vehicles. All products require following the instructions. The bed has been a game changer for our family and our LO loves it., There is no recall but like anything there can be danger if the product is not used right. We have had ours for our Level 3 ASD 3 LO for about 6 months and its been awesome. It’s important to follow instructions on the zip up sheets and use the micro locks to secure sheet to black tab. Also the Electronic HUB use the 2nd micro lock to secure that also. The two deaths were due to people. Not using the safety sheets safely either locks so the kid can unzip then. The other child got finger in tech hub unzipped it and lost their life due to strangulation. I do a safety sweep daily called a functions check just like I would for my other kids vehicles. All products require following the instructions. The bed has been a game changer for our family and our LO loves it., There is no recall but like anything there can be danger if the product is not used right. We have had ours for our Level 3 ASD 3 LO for about 6 months and its been awesome. It’s important to follow instructions on the zip up sheets and use the micro locks to secure sheet to black tab. Also the Electronic HUB use the 2nd micro lock to secure that also. The two deaths were due to people. Not using the safety sheets safely either locks so the kid can unzip then. The other child got finger in tech hub unzipped it and lost their life due to strangulation. I do a safety sweep daily called a functions check just like I would for my other kids vehicles. All products require following the instructions. The bed has been a game changer for our family and our LO loves it., There is no recall but like anything there can be danger if the product is not used right. We have had ours for our Level 3 ASD 3 LO for about 6 months and its been awesome. It’s important to follow instructions on the zip up sheets and use the micro locks to secure sheet to black tab. Also the Electronic HUB use the 2nd micro lock to secure that also. The two deaths were due to people. Not using the safety sheets safely either locks so the kid can unzip then. The other child got finger in tech hub unzipped it and lost their life due to strangulation. I do a safety sweep daily called a functions check just like I would for my other kids vehicles. All products require following the instructions. The bed has been a game changer for our family and our LO loves it., There is no recall but like anything there can be danger if the product is not used right. We have had ours for our Level 3 ASD 3 LO for about 6 months and its been awesome. It’s important to follow instructions on the zip up sheets and use the micro locks to secure sheet to black tab. Also the Electronic HUB use the 2nd micro lock to secure that also. The two deaths were due to people. Not using the safety sheets safely either locks so the kid can unzip then. The other child got finger in tech hub unzipped it and lost their life due to strangulation. I do a safety sweep daily called a functions check just like I would for my other kids vehicles. All products require following the instructions. The bed has been a game changer for our family and our LO loves it.

Curious about Gestalt language processing

I’m almost certain my 5yo daughter is a GLP. She learns words in phrase chunks. Once a new phrase is picked up, she repeats it for a couple days and then the words find their way into daily speech the way they’re supposed to be used. How does this progress? Will I get to a point where she won’t learn in just chunks anymore? Idk if I’m even asking that right. I just really hope one day we get to have a conversation together… we do now it’s just half is babbling still. Just curious what other people have experienced

My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My son is 5 this year he also is a gestalt learner - he went from singular words at 2 to singing full songs, repeating phrases in movies to at 3.5 using those phrases in context but still in a singing voice if that makes sense to at 4 finally using 2-3 words into his own sentence. In the last month he has been having more moments of clarity in his speech where I ask him how his day was and he’ll say “ went to park” oh that’s great buddy did you have fun? “ went down the slide” “play in the sandpit” “come home” - obviously every child is different but we see progress every 6 months roughly ! :) your daughter will get there !!, She sounds like a classic GLP. Check out meaningfulspeech and bohospeechie on Instagram. They are probably on Facebook and tiktok as well, but I don't know for sure. Those two have given me so much insight and understanding. I also found a speech therapist with the additional certification of Natual Language acquisition. MeaningfulSpeech has information about the stages of progression with wonderful examples of how it tends to go. I think of speech acquisition like legos. Most kids (called analytic learners) get one lego at a time and they use those legos to build small things and then bigger things, and because they got one at a time, they understand it can be used in a variety of ways with a variety of other legos to make bigger and even more complex things. GLPs get a lego X-wing fighter pre put together. They use the -X-wing as a plane, car, house, maybe even some things that don't make sense to us, like making it walk like a person, but the usefulness of a full X-wing is limited. So GLPs need more pre-made sets so they can have another option to use. So they get a Lego Eiffel Tower. So they use that as a desk, or to indicate 'yes', because it is Y shaped. And they need more and more pre-made items- a lego ambulance, lego city scape, racecars, and a pirate ship. At some point the GLP is able to pull the ambulance in half and attach it to the cityscape and make a garage! And then the GLP pulls the wings off of the X-wing and attaches it to the tower and it is something new. And then they break of three different chunks and make something even more complicated. And then... this is scary for some parents because it looks like a regression- they take a single lego and use it. Just one lego. And then they can start building with the single legos and make totally original items, not dependent on those pre-made chunks. It is important to figure out what your daughter is trying to say when she is scripting and respond to the intended meaning, not the surface meaning. My son is almost 7 and we are having conversations. They aren't the same conversations I have with other kids but I can ask a question and he will answer. He can ask me questions. Sometimes we go back and forth a few times. He is growing and saying new unique stuff every day, I am so proud of him., Thank you… this makes me feel so good. Right now I’m listening to her sing along with her favorite songs on YouTube. Some is mispronounced but I’m just glad we got here 🥰, Thank you so much! At what age did the scripts start to fade away?, Our kiddos sound a lot alike right now! I never thought we’d reach a point where she could tell me she saw her friends at school. Now I am just enjoying the endless “go to park?” “Go to (insert family member)’s house?”…. It’s so much better than the silence we had at 4, Oh that’s incredible! My son has similar development 4,5 making some of his own sentences and using many phrases he has heard, mostly appropriately. I wish in a year he would answer on how was your day, I would cry!, My goodness l adore this metaphor for GLP kids. It makes so much sense. I honestly don’t care if she ever talks like the other kids. I would just love to keep seeing her grow in her speech. It’s been wonderful getting the words we have. I worried for years I’d never hear anything. GLP felt like finally the right description of my girls process. I like it sometimes. I get to make up silly little simple songs and then watch how she takes it and runs, It's hard to give an exact age for that but I would say first and second grade were a big jump.  Like I said though there's a long stretch where the scripts sounded less scripted.  If your heard him calling all super readers to the book club, you might recognize it as a quote from Super Why.  But if you hear him call mom and dad to the playground it might just sound like play.  We knew it was a modification to a script we'd heard a hundred times, but you wouldn't necessarily.  I think a big part of it too is that he's an only child. You might see a different speed with kiddos who can model speech after siblings or in day care etc. , My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My son is 5 this year he also is a gestalt learner - he went from singular words at 2 to singing full songs, repeating phrases in movies to at 3.5 using those phrases in context but still in a singing voice if that makes sense to at 4 finally using 2-3 words into his own sentence. In the last month he has been having more moments of clarity in his speech where I ask him how his day was and he’ll say “ went to park” oh that’s great buddy did you have fun? “ went down the slide” “play in the sandpit” “come home” - obviously every child is different but we see progress every 6 months roughly ! :) your daughter will get there !!, She sounds like a classic GLP. Check out meaningfulspeech and bohospeechie on Instagram. They are probably on Facebook and tiktok as well, but I don't know for sure. Those two have given me so much insight and understanding. I also found a speech therapist with the additional certification of Natual Language acquisition. MeaningfulSpeech has information about the stages of progression with wonderful examples of how it tends to go. I think of speech acquisition like legos. Most kids (called analytic learners) get one lego at a time and they use those legos to build small things and then bigger things, and because they got one at a time, they understand it can be used in a variety of ways with a variety of other legos to make bigger and even more complex things. GLPs get a lego X-wing fighter pre put together. They use the -X-wing as a plane, car, house, maybe even some things that don't make sense to us, like making it walk like a person, but the usefulness of a full X-wing is limited. So GLPs need more pre-made sets so they can have another option to use. So they get a Lego Eiffel Tower. So they use that as a desk, or to indicate 'yes', because it is Y shaped. And they need more and more pre-made items- a lego ambulance, lego city scape, racecars, and a pirate ship. At some point the GLP is able to pull the ambulance in half and attach it to the cityscape and make a garage! And then the GLP pulls the wings off of the X-wing and attaches it to the tower and it is something new. And then they break of three different chunks and make something even more complicated. And then... this is scary for some parents because it looks like a regression- they take a single lego and use it. Just one lego. And then they can start building with the single legos and make totally original items, not dependent on those pre-made chunks. It is important to figure out what your daughter is trying to say when she is scripting and respond to the intended meaning, not the surface meaning. My son is almost 7 and we are having conversations. They aren't the same conversations I have with other kids but I can ask a question and he will answer. He can ask me questions. Sometimes we go back and forth a few times. He is growing and saying new unique stuff every day, I am so proud of him., Thank you… this makes me feel so good. Right now I’m listening to her sing along with her favorite songs on YouTube. Some is mispronounced but I’m just glad we got here 🥰, Thank you so much! At what age did the scripts start to fade away?, Our kiddos sound a lot alike right now! I never thought we’d reach a point where she could tell me she saw her friends at school. Now I am just enjoying the endless “go to park?” “Go to (insert family member)’s house?”…. It’s so much better than the silence we had at 4, Oh that’s incredible! My son has similar development 4,5 making some of his own sentences and using many phrases he has heard, mostly appropriately. I wish in a year he would answer on how was your day, I would cry!, My goodness l adore this metaphor for GLP kids. It makes so much sense. I honestly don’t care if she ever talks like the other kids. I would just love to keep seeing her grow in her speech. It’s been wonderful getting the words we have. I worried for years I’d never hear anything. GLP felt like finally the right description of my girls process. I like it sometimes. I get to make up silly little simple songs and then watch how she takes it and runs, It's hard to give an exact age for that but I would say first and second grade were a big jump.  Like I said though there's a long stretch where the scripts sounded less scripted.  If your heard him calling all super readers to the book club, you might recognize it as a quote from Super Why.  But if you hear him call mom and dad to the playground it might just sound like play.  We knew it was a modification to a script we'd heard a hundred times, but you wouldn't necessarily.  I think a big part of it too is that he's an only child. You might see a different speed with kiddos who can model speech after siblings or in day care etc. , My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My son is 5 this year he also is a gestalt learner - he went from singular words at 2 to singing full songs, repeating phrases in movies to at 3.5 using those phrases in context but still in a singing voice if that makes sense to at 4 finally using 2-3 words into his own sentence. In the last month he has been having more moments of clarity in his speech where I ask him how his day was and he’ll say “ went to park” oh that’s great buddy did you have fun? “ went down the slide” “play in the sandpit” “come home” - obviously every child is different but we see progress every 6 months roughly ! :) your daughter will get there !!, She sounds like a classic GLP. Check out meaningfulspeech and bohospeechie on Instagram. They are probably on Facebook and tiktok as well, but I don't know for sure. Those two have given me so much insight and understanding. I also found a speech therapist with the additional certification of Natual Language acquisition. MeaningfulSpeech has information about the stages of progression with wonderful examples of how it tends to go. I think of speech acquisition like legos. Most kids (called analytic learners) get one lego at a time and they use those legos to build small things and then bigger things, and because they got one at a time, they understand it can be used in a variety of ways with a variety of other legos to make bigger and even more complex things. GLPs get a lego X-wing fighter pre put together. They use the -X-wing as a plane, car, house, maybe even some things that don't make sense to us, like making it walk like a person, but the usefulness of a full X-wing is limited. So GLPs need more pre-made sets so they can have another option to use. So they get a Lego Eiffel Tower. So they use that as a desk, or to indicate 'yes', because it is Y shaped. And they need more and more pre-made items- a lego ambulance, lego city scape, racecars, and a pirate ship. At some point the GLP is able to pull the ambulance in half and attach it to the cityscape and make a garage! And then the GLP pulls the wings off of the X-wing and attaches it to the tower and it is something new. And then they break of three different chunks and make something even more complicated. And then... this is scary for some parents because it looks like a regression- they take a single lego and use it. Just one lego. And then they can start building with the single legos and make totally original items, not dependent on those pre-made chunks. It is important to figure out what your daughter is trying to say when she is scripting and respond to the intended meaning, not the surface meaning. My son is almost 7 and we are having conversations. They aren't the same conversations I have with other kids but I can ask a question and he will answer. He can ask me questions. Sometimes we go back and forth a few times. He is growing and saying new unique stuff every day, I am so proud of him., Thank you… this makes me feel so good. Right now I’m listening to her sing along with her favorite songs on YouTube. Some is mispronounced but I’m just glad we got here 🥰, Thank you so much! At what age did the scripts start to fade away?, Our kiddos sound a lot alike right now! I never thought we’d reach a point where she could tell me she saw her friends at school. Now I am just enjoying the endless “go to park?” “Go to (insert family member)’s house?”…. It’s so much better than the silence we had at 4, Oh that’s incredible! My son has similar development 4,5 making some of his own sentences and using many phrases he has heard, mostly appropriately. I wish in a year he would answer on how was your day, I would cry!, My goodness l adore this metaphor for GLP kids. It makes so much sense. I honestly don’t care if she ever talks like the other kids. I would just love to keep seeing her grow in her speech. It’s been wonderful getting the words we have. I worried for years I’d never hear anything. GLP felt like finally the right description of my girls process. I like it sometimes. I get to make up silly little simple songs and then watch how she takes it and runs, It's hard to give an exact age for that but I would say first and second grade were a big jump.  Like I said though there's a long stretch where the scripts sounded less scripted.  If your heard him calling all super readers to the book club, you might recognize it as a quote from Super Why.  But if you hear him call mom and dad to the playground it might just sound like play.  We knew it was a modification to a script we'd heard a hundred times, but you wouldn't necessarily.  I think a big part of it too is that he's an only child. You might see a different speed with kiddos who can model speech after siblings or in day care etc. , My son is conversational today at 13.  The basic order was something like Babbling and occasional single words Short scripts with limited meaning or meaning that parents don't understand Scripts start to become consistent enough for parents to decode them, mostly asking for things  Taking feedback on scripts, increasing single word vocabulary  Modifying scripts by adding and removing words, start to sound like natural speech to outsiders, list of available scripts increases to handle different situations  Starts to ask questions that aren't requests, might not use W words yet Starts to make "novel", unscripted comments, often about unusual interests, may ask questions about them too (in our case he was super interested in the high voltage power lines in town and along the highways)  Novel comments and questions start to become the norm, scripts fade out but never completely go away, lots of who what where and when questions  Abstract comments and questions begin to emerge, including how and why questions, and noticing other people's feelings more Reading and listening comprehension increase and so does the ability to have back and forth conversations like hi how are you I'm fine how are you I'm fine what did you do today I went to the store what did you do etc.   That's a very rough estimate of the order and how it worked with him and a similar peer. , My son is 5 this year he also is a gestalt learner - he went from singular words at 2 to singing full songs, repeating phrases in movies to at 3.5 using those phrases in context but still in a singing voice if that makes sense to at 4 finally using 2-3 words into his own sentence. In the last month he has been having more moments of clarity in his speech where I ask him how his day was and he’ll say “ went to park” oh that’s great buddy did you have fun? “ went down the slide” “play in the sandpit” “come home” - obviously every child is different but we see progress every 6 months roughly ! :) your daughter will get there !!, She sounds like a classic GLP. Check out meaningfulspeech and bohospeechie on Instagram. They are probably on Facebook and tiktok as well, but I don't know for sure. Those two have given me so much insight and understanding. I also found a speech therapist with the additional certification of Natual Language acquisition. MeaningfulSpeech has information about the stages of progression with wonderful examples of how it tends to go. I think of speech acquisition like legos. Most kids (called analytic learners) get one lego at a time and they use those legos to build small things and then bigger things, and because they got one at a time, they understand it can be used in a variety of ways with a variety of other legos to make bigger and even more complex things. GLPs get a lego X-wing fighter pre put together. They use the -X-wing as a plane, car, house, maybe even some things that don't make sense to us, like making it walk like a person, but the usefulness of a full X-wing is limited. So GLPs need more pre-made sets so they can have another option to use. So they get a Lego Eiffel Tower. So they use that as a desk, or to indicate 'yes', because it is Y shaped. And they need more and more pre-made items- a lego ambulance, lego city scape, racecars, and a pirate ship. At some point the GLP is able to pull the ambulance in half and attach it to the cityscape and make a garage! And then the GLP pulls the wings off of the X-wing and attaches it to the tower and it is something new. And then they break of three different chunks and make something even more complicated. And then... this is scary for some parents because it looks like a regression- they take a single lego and use it. Just one lego. And then they can start building with the single legos and make totally original items, not dependent on those pre-made chunks. It is important to figure out what your daughter is trying to say when she is scripting and respond to the intended meaning, not the surface meaning. My son is almost 7 and we are having conversations. They aren't the same conversations I have with other kids but I can ask a question and he will answer. He can ask me questions. Sometimes we go back and forth a few times. He is growing and saying new unique stuff every day, I am so proud of him., Thank you… this makes me feel so good. Right now I’m listening to her sing along with her favorite songs on YouTube. Some is mispronounced but I’m just glad we got here 🥰, Thank you so much! At what age did the scripts start to fade away?, Our kiddos sound a lot alike right now! I never thought we’d reach a point where she could tell me she saw her friends at school. Now I am just enjoying the endless “go to park?” “Go to (insert family member)’s house?”…. It’s so much better than the silence we had at 4, Oh that’s incredible! My son has similar development 4,5 making some of his own sentences and using many phrases he has heard, mostly appropriately. I wish in a year he would answer on how was your day, I would cry!, My goodness l adore this metaphor for GLP kids. It makes so much sense. I honestly don’t care if she ever talks like the other kids. I would just love to keep seeing her grow in her speech. It’s been wonderful getting the words we have. I worried for years I’d never hear anything. GLP felt like finally the right description of my girls process. I like it sometimes. I get to make up silly little simple songs and then watch how she takes it and runs, It's hard to give an exact age for that but I would say first and second grade were a big jump.  Like I said though there's a long stretch where the scripts sounded less scripted.  If your heard him calling all super readers to the book club, you might recognize it as a quote from Super Why.  But if you hear him call mom and dad to the playground it might just sound like play.  We knew it was a modification to a script we'd heard a hundred times, but you wouldn't necessarily.  I think a big part of it too is that he's an only child. You might see a different speed with kiddos who can model speech after siblings or in day care etc. 

Curious.. thoughts on B12 supplement during pregnancy?

Did anyone take vitamin b12 supplement while pregnant? I see correlation with too low and then too high increasing risk of ASD. [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/1bt2658)

Do what your doctor tells you to do and ignore those correlation studies., I took it before pregnancy, during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. We got the diagnosis yesterday., Never heard this. Also-Correlation does NOT equal causation, particularly in early studies., How much if you don’t mind me asking?, Thank you it’s so hard to know what’s best when they fear-monger with these correlation studies!, My prenatal vitamins had 5.2 mcg. I don't want to discourage you from taking it. Maybe my daughter would be much worst without it. Just don't think it's some sort of magic bullet., Thank you so much, you’re probably right I will stick to my prenatal and nothing extra, Do what your doctor tells you to do and ignore those correlation studies., I took it before pregnancy, during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. We got the diagnosis yesterday., Never heard this. Also-Correlation does NOT equal causation, particularly in early studies., How much if you don’t mind me asking?, Thank you it’s so hard to know what’s best when they fear-monger with these correlation studies!, My prenatal vitamins had 5.2 mcg. I don't want to discourage you from taking it. Maybe my daughter would be much worst without it. Just don't think it's some sort of magic bullet., Thank you so much, you’re probably right I will stick to my prenatal and nothing extra, Do what your doctor tells you to do and ignore those correlation studies., I took it before pregnancy, during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. We got the diagnosis yesterday., Never heard this. Also-Correlation does NOT equal causation, particularly in early studies., How much if you don’t mind me asking?, Thank you it’s so hard to know what’s best when they fear-monger with these correlation studies!, My prenatal vitamins had 5.2 mcg. I don't want to discourage you from taking it. Maybe my daughter would be much worst without it. Just don't think it's some sort of magic bullet., Thank you so much, you’re probably right I will stick to my prenatal and nothing extra, Do what your doctor tells you to do and ignore those correlation studies., I took it before pregnancy, during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. We got the diagnosis yesterday., Never heard this. Also-Correlation does NOT equal causation, particularly in early studies., How much if you don’t mind me asking?, Thank you it’s so hard to know what’s best when they fear-monger with these correlation studies!, My prenatal vitamins had 5.2 mcg. I don't want to discourage you from taking it. Maybe my daughter would be much worst without it. Just don't think it's some sort of magic bullet., Thank you so much, you’re probably right I will stick to my prenatal and nothing extra

Custodial Accounts & SSI

I started an Acorns (custodial savings & investment) account for my son who has autism. I did not go the 529 route because he may never attend college or trade school. I just learned about what an ABLE account is. As I prepare to set up a trust for him now I am learning that this account may disqualify him from SSI once he turns 18-21 depending on when he takes control of the account even with a special needs trust. Does anyone have any experience with this?

As long as the able account and other resources together aren't over 100,000, it should not affect ssi. Meet with a financial advisor to make sure though. Watch out abt investing if the account is in your kids name, I had a mutual fund for my son that I had to close or else he would be denied the medicaid waiver + medicaid. I plan on doing both an able account and sn trust bc they cover different things and bc they would not mess with ssi., So what I have now is an Acorns custodial account not exactly an ABLE account. I am the primary & custodian but his account is under mine, in his name with his SSN., As long as the able account and other resources together aren't over 100,000, it should not affect ssi. Meet with a financial advisor to make sure though. Watch out abt investing if the account is in your kids name, I had a mutual fund for my son that I had to close or else he would be denied the medicaid waiver + medicaid. I plan on doing both an able account and sn trust bc they cover different things and bc they would not mess with ssi., So what I have now is an Acorns custodial account not exactly an ABLE account. I am the primary & custodian but his account is under mine, in his name with his SSN., As long as the able account and other resources together aren't over 100,000, it should not affect ssi. Meet with a financial advisor to make sure though. Watch out abt investing if the account is in your kids name, I had a mutual fund for my son that I had to close or else he would be denied the medicaid waiver + medicaid. I plan on doing both an able account and sn trust bc they cover different things and bc they would not mess with ssi., So what I have now is an Acorns custodial account not exactly an ABLE account. I am the primary & custodian but his account is under mine, in his name with his SSN., As long as the able account and other resources together aren't over 100,000, it should not affect ssi. Meet with a financial advisor to make sure though. Watch out abt investing if the account is in your kids name, I had a mutual fund for my son that I had to close or else he would be denied the medicaid waiver + medicaid. I plan on doing both an able account and sn trust bc they cover different things and bc they would not mess with ssi., So what I have now is an Acorns custodial account not exactly an ABLE account. I am the primary & custodian but his account is under mine, in his name with his SSN.

Dad with newly diagnosed son

My about to be 2 year old son was diagnosed with autism yesterday. To say my wife and I are spiraling would be an understatement. We have our second baby (a girl) due next week and we do not know how we are going to get through this. I was honestly surprised at the diagnosis because as an outsider to this it didn’t seem like he had classic signs of autism. (Rocking, poor eye contact, unusual obvious behavior…learning now I guess there is no obvious behavior) Our son is learning new words everyday but the therapist yesterday says he has Echolalia which I never noticed before. (Does that go away?). He also communicates decently with us with finger pointing and has decent joint attention(So I thought). The major concern I had were his tantrums are out of control. If something doesn’t go his way he headbangs so hard and when we try to redirect him he bites us severely, scratches, and pulls hair. We cannot take him anywhere he does not want to go or its a meltdown. My life has become walking around our neighborhood and playing in the driveway. I was hoping this was just a phase but it sounds pretty typical for someone with autism. I’ve read some horror stories on here and it honestly feels like my life is over. We are scared to death about this next baby as we know its 20x more likely for her to have it as well and know we are just going to be looking for signs from her everyday. I am absolutely dreading having this 2nd child as our first was so f’n difficult. I write this from my bed at 5:50AM absolutely dreading the day ahead of me as I know what I’m in for. I guess I just want to know, will this get any easier with ABA therapy, or am I just in for a world of tears and tantrums everyday.

I was in your shoes just over a year ago. Right down to expecting baby #2 before we had any concerns with our eldest. Everything will be sooo fine! You are grieving the parenting experience you imagined you’d have & that’s completely normal & valid. But nobody knows how their child’s life will go, NT or ND. You can’t control who they will be or what they will do, NT or ND. All any parent can do is love their child & meet them where they’re at. You sound like a wonderful, caring parent. My eldest son is only 2 as well. It’s crazy how far he has come in the past year. Our kids still have SO MUCH developing to do. How they are now is absolutely not how they will be five years, one year, even a few months from now! Get your eldest into early intervention. Tryyy not to worry about your second (easier said than done I know but try not to spend that beautiful baby time stressing)! For what it’s worth, having our gorgeous second son has been such a great thing for our first. You can do this! You already are., Your son is still the same boy he was 2 days ago, but now he has access to therapy and programs to help him where he needs help. There is a saying; if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism. The truth is, autism is a huge spectrum (to the point of having completely contradictory symptoms!) A diagnosis doesn’t mean his life is now laid out for him, it means that he may struggle in certain areas. It is ok to grieve and be sad, but then it’s time to get to work. 2 and 3 year olds are notoriously difficult and present challenges even for neurotypical kids, it’s not always going to be easy and you may need to redefine what ‘normal’ looks like, but don’t forget to find joy in the happy times - and there will be many. Your life isn’t over, and his is just starting., My son was diagnosed too last saturday. My wife cried upon hearing it. I didn't, but when i got back to work on monday I spent a good 30 minutes bawling my eyes out while in the parking lot. I've been reading about autism in the past few days(mostly here) and the more i learn, the more I realize that it's manageable. For some reason, i am feeling guilty..i dunno why lol. I dont have anyone i can talk to about this except my wife. So this reddit group is really awesome, From my experience, you are wasting time grieving about possible futures that may never come about. The reality is he has autism. The future is up to you. My advice? Love your son. Be patient (which will be difficult at times). Support your wife (she should do likewise). He’s two. Contact your local government asap about early intervention. Seek help and guidance from professionals and other parents. You will have times where you get down about it. You may have times when you will grieve the ‘normal’ things about raising a son that you are ‘missing’. I know. Trust me. In those times, I would tell you to rededicate yourself to that boy. Know that he loves you. Be the best dad you can be. After all, he didn’t ask for this., Hello, I (29f) have autism, as does my (29m) husband and our (6) kiddo. My husband and I were undiagnosed until after our kiddo, we had no clue what autism really was or how to handle it. First off, it does get much easier. You’ll find things that work for your family and him, learn what bothers him and overwhelms, and find solutions for it. As he gets older, he will develop coping skills, self soothing, and outlets (with your help) and things will mellow out. Please know that any child under 4 is a challenge, it’s just some have more hurdles than others. Most states have a form of early intervention- a state run program that can provide OT, speech, and other therapies for kids, often in a day care like environment, sometimes in your own home. Ask your pediatrician for help finding one near you, I highly recommend it. Don’t be afraid to ask these professionals for help! They have experience working with kids of all needs and backgrounds. I also recommend high levels of activity. Kids get destructive when they are bored, and in my experience autistic children are even more so. Their little brains are going 6 miles a minute and often they struggle with hyperactivity. Find what your child enjoys sensory wise and roll with it! Our kiddo loves water and jumping- we have an indoor and outdoor trampoline and kiddie pool. When we got her her first trampoline she bounced for two hours straight (and that was the first night she slept through the night in her entire life!) To much energy can also lead to poor sleep, and autistic people often struggle with it as is, and no body likes being sleep deprived. Eve adults can become cranky and have diminished cooking skills with enough sleep deprivation. Take notes to find triggers for over stimulation and meltdowns. When he melts down, WHY is the question. Was it in a store? Ok, good. Now what about the store is causing this? The lights? The noise? The people? And slowly you’ll start to catch it earlier and earlier- before the meltdown occurs- and when you spot this beginning, you can pause, remove him from the situation and help him de escalate and work with him on solutions. For example: my kiddo used to melt down hardcore in stores. We felt like we couldn’t go anywhere! Slowly we noticed it was only the store playing music, or were overly loud. We started seeing her get uncomfortable, realizing she wasn’t just randomly melting down- she was trying to tell us she was uncomfortable by wiggling in her seat, looking around a bunch, pulling at her ears. Now we know loud noise is hard for her and she has and wears headphones, and knows if she covers her ears we will immediately remove her from the store for her comfort- which saves her from having a 2 hour meltdown. And my best advice is to stay away from the horror stories online and focus on him. He is not any other child, autistic or not. He has his own individual needs and potential. He’s going to be ok, I know it’s so incredibly scary but it sounds like he has two parents (and soon a baby sister) who will do whatever they can to help him through that really rough learning curve. 💜, I’m not sure what I can tell you, but I’m open to it chat with you anytime about your experience. That gut punch you experienced with the diagnosis goes away and gets better. Especially as you learn new ways to understand and teach your kiddo. Your growth is every bit as important as your son’s., I have three boys and two of them have autism. I barely knew anything about ASD before my kids. Research it like crazy - it will help a lot with understanding them better. There are probably sensory issues that are also causing your son to act out, along with frustration with not being able to communicate. You will eventually learn to minimize or prevent sensory meltdowns when you understand what their triggers are. My oldest is not autistic, so I kind of had some comparison with my other two. But all children are difficult to parent when they are so young - they call it the terrible twos for a reason! My youngest is level 2 with a language delay. His terrible twos extended to the terrible 3’s. He had a lot of frustration with not being able to communicate his needs and wants. His language is still delayed (he still does a lot of scripting and some echolalia), but he can speak in complete sentences and rarely gets frustrated because of communication anymore (he’s 8). Things will get better because you and your wife will adapt and learn to love and care for your precious boy the way he is. Autism is just different. As your boy gets older you will discover beautiful, wonderful things that he does due to his autism and unique personality. My level 2 son is the sweetest, most joyful, and loving person I have ever met. My level 1 son is the total opposite socially, but he is so intelligent and has such a funny sense of humour. It is hard to see your child’s gifts because of the language delay and being so young - but they are there. Make sure that you are your wife support each other as much as you can. My husband and I still have times when we jump in to take over when either of us is having a bad day. Having young kids is tough, and there will still be challenges when they get older - but things will bet better., I have the two outcomes living with me. And I'm the third. 3 kids, 2 affected in different ways, 1 totally normal. My youngest self harms too, but with nail biting and eyelash pulling. The tantrums aren't worse than regular threenagers. She's loving and social and extremely verbal and mathematically apt. Her anxiety however is off the charts bad. Imagine a 3yo having a bona fide panic attack of the "I'm dying I'm dying please I don't want to die" variety - sometimes over 3 a day. Oldest is on drugs and God knows he's having a shit time. He was diagnosed earlier, but spoke later and had issues with academics. Entirely self destructive and thrill/sensory seeking in the worst of ways. He's in residential now (rehab/psych). I was the "perfect" child until I wasn't. I did the whole drug thing for a while. Spoke late, walked late, got off diapers late. My parents were told I would probably never speak. Nowadays I need to watch myself because I just wont stfu 🤣 You just never know and it's impossible to predict. I was told my son would probably never be independent and he's studying pre engineering at 16. My angel girl is incredibly advanced and well spoken, yet talks of death and dying almost everyday at 3 and is on heavy benzos for it 🤷🏼‍♀️ Then my middle one who's NT and has middle kid syndrome and I have to tell her to be a kid sometimes and fuck up, that it's fine to not perform everyday. I fear she'll burn out and do the drug thing, too. My husband decided to off himself so I don't have much control of anything. Your kid is your kid and nobody else, and can't ever be. It's an obvious statement, but we all get so hung up on comparisons and milestones when our kids aren't bound by those the same way a neurotypical kid would. Even parents of NT kids have to contend with the realization that the future is not theirs to predict and however much they worry, the kid will turn out the way it wants. You're doing your best and that's honestly better than 80% of the shit parents you hear/read about. Oftentimes we suffer more for them than they're themselves suffering. I don't want to sound condescending or like I'm downplaying your suffering, it's hard AF. Sometimes it gets worse. But you can't control the outcome, or your kid and his thoughts. All you can control is yourself. Btw, ABA works and isn't abuse. A lot of high functioning people don't understand from the perspective of being parents of low functioning kids, so the advice can be hyperbolic and won't match your reality. A good OT is worth their weight in gold. Oh yeah, if you haven't yet, call early intervention, they're awesome., Your child is 2 and sounds like he’s verbal. You guys caught it so early. That’s a very good start. My son had his worst tantrums, eloping, head banging from 2-3. It was daily and often times more than once. He was so hyperactive but would run directly towards traffic that we had to designate an adult to run after him at all times. There was no hand holding. His speech was 95% echolalia and labeling at that age. He’s now 4yo and so much better. Language is still delayed but we’re seeing all signs that he’ll catch up eventually. Meltdowns are like 1-2x per week bc he can communicate and understand so much more. This is all bc of age as we didn’t suspect a diagnosis until 3.5yo., We were in your shoes once. At 18 months we had no words and spoke to our pediatrician. At 2 we swan dived in and we're in denial because no one would give us a straight answer. We kept hearing, "he could go either way" whatever the fk that meant. He is now 6. Our youngest is 18months. We were terrified because of all the stats. But the second little guy is a gift. Neurotypical and insane. It was the greatest gift because it made is realize 2 things. 1) our older sons delays were not our fault or caused by screens or us not doing enough. 2) it's way easier with Neurotypical kids sometimes after being in the autism world first. Somw things that can help. Use a timer for everything. Start of with 1-5 mins doing stuff or letting them know they have 2 mins left. The more you do this the more they realize what it means. Slowly stretch these times when it seems like it's working a bit. Use first/then. Example: First we put on shoes. The. We go outside. Use picture books to help guide them on what the plan is for the morning, day, or current event. These don't work over night, but i feel like we saw improvements within a few weeks that exponentially continued. Get into therapies for speech and OT. One thing I've learned through mistakes is to not react and stay calm. We did not and are dealing with the back fire of that with our kid sometimes. We are all human though., My son, who is 9 now, sounds a lot like your son. At this point, the only real signs of any autism is he does have immature speech for his age. He's into all the things 9 year olds are into and makes friends. He's never really had any academic deficits and his only IEP goals were about making him more flexible with schedules and speech therapy. I think if he had lived 20 years ago he would've never been diagnosed. I've suggested it here before but the Sonrise book is amazing. I credit my son's great prognosis with 2 things. The fact he isn't severely effected like my youngest son but also with the fact that I was hyper involved in playing with my son and interacting with him. Even my youngest who is largely non verbal has no real behavior issues and he's very much a loving part of the family due to this book (it's from the 1970s and they still have a whole program I believe). Your son sounds like he may have mild symptoms and whatever you decide to do about it, just know where other kids pick things up naturally, your son will have to be explicitly taught. It's a little more work but if you teach him, he will learn and you can still have a great family and great future. Edited to add. My son had terrible tantrums. He laughs now at his videos of how ridiculous he was. Like all kids, he will grow out of them. It's just a hard time with toddlers, all toddlers., Thank you all for your kind words, Your reaction is normal. But autism is not something wrong with your child. His diagnosis will help you understand him better and how he sees the world. The better you understand your child, the more you will be able to assist him and the better it will be. Autism is not a bad thing, it is just a different thing, and different can be wonderful., I had a very similar story. Our second was born a month prior to the diagnoses of our first. I was terrified. Just deal with the present and don’t worry about 20 years down the line is my only advice. The best resource I found when I spiraled at 2am during that period was the following video for dads. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oSU9570V5D4, I was in the same boat as you my friend. We got my son's diagnosis at 2 and a month before we found out we were going to have a second child. Both my boys are 4 and 6. Both are a big handful and it's a challenging road. You will have good days and bad. You will learn a whole new level of patience. But the most important thing is always remember to take time for yourself. Your mental health is just as important., hey dont worry. i know that doesnt help now but in a year or two you'll understand. my son was diagnosed before his third birthday and he will be 5 in September. He had signs, same as his older sister who we have not gotten diagnosed yet (finally got an evaluation appointment in) as every doctor i brought my concerns to seemed to brush them off because I guess its harder to notice in girls. anyways, my son was diagnosed as level 2, when he was "speaking" it was echolalia, he had meltdowns over everything mainly things not being the right color or in the wrong order, I was very worried about his future. I don't have much to say about ABA as from what I've read its very 50/50 on whether it works or not, dependent on case worker actually caring instead of just trying to get their time in, etc. in my opinion I would wait until your child is a little older before doing ABA. Once he got diagnosed I got him into speech therapy as to me communication is the biggest step in helping him. once hes able to communicate his needs in a way that I or someone who wants to help can understand, we can work on everything else. At the time he only copied speech and now hes a social butterfly. he started in the 3 year old pre-kindergarten program in our county this past school year and he has flourished beyond what I thought was possible for him at this time. By the end of the year he was the popular kid in his class. He got all three resource awards for Art, Math, and physical education and his teacher said she has never seen a kid get all three awards in one class, the only award he missed was the attendance award because he had a rough start to the year and all his appointments. He knows all his friends names of his friends and is a little charmer. It gets better friend even if it doesn't get to where you would like it to be it does get better. small steps and small victories are to be celebrated., My son was diagnosed at 2 years old. He’ll be 6 in August and the amount of growth and change he’s experienced since his diagnosis is unbelievable. We have 2 year kindergarten where I live, starting at 4 years, and he’s just finishing his second year in a mainstream kindergarten class. He’s going into first grade in September. His first year of kindergarten was really hard, but this year was so much better for him. He even went on his first field trip with his class a couple of weeks ago and had a great time. I’m autistic, diagnosed in adulthood after many years of misdiagnosis. My father is autistic as well and was diagnosed when I was. My parents have watched my son grow and develop since he was born and have expressed that he’s almost identical to me at the same age. I’m not especially successful or anything, but my life is ok and I have certainly had lots of experiences in my life like travel and college and being a parent. My father has lived a successful life and spent 20 years in the military before enjoying another 20 years working as a civilian in a technical field. He’s enjoying retirement now, teaching a course every year to prepare people to take the amateur radio licensing test. We honestly don’t know how our kids’ futures will turn out. Looking at any 2 year old in the throes of the “terrible twos” definitely won’t give you a good idea of how things will be in a year or 5 years or 10 years. Maybe he will be more like me and struggle a lot in life, or maybe he’ll be more like my dad who has had fewer struggles, nobody knows. I’m hopeful that just having the knowledge that my son is autistic will help him avoid some of the struggles I’ve faced., We had our daughter right when my son was diagnosed at 2 as well. It wasn’t easy but we immediately looked into any therapies that we could that the dx now made available. He had a team, OT, PT, ST. They all helped so much. If you’re in the us look into the family services waiver. It can cover a lot of therapies. Join a local fb group (if you’re on Fb) of special needs parents. Look into local non profit groups that help, we have one here that provides an advocate for IEP meetings etc. Things got better as we learned what he needed and honestly, once we got out of the toddler years. And his sister has become guardian outside of the house (inside she just drives him nuts like any little sister would) she tells kids to be nice to him, explains what’s going on when he’s struggling to adults, stands up for him. Biggest thing though was teaching him to advocate for himself. He tells the teachers at school what he needs. When things are too much he lets them know, and let’s them know what would help (ie if he needs headphones because it’s loud, if he needs to get up and walk, if he needs to be alone and away from other kids) he even asked to speak to the vice principal so he could request his own table at lunch because the other kids were too loud and he just wanted to eat in peace 😂 It’s hard not to grieve. I grieve the child I thought I would have from time to time for sure. The sports teams I thought I would be cheering for, the gaggles of boys I thought I’d be feeding when he had his buddies over. But then his teachers tell me how much they love him and he gives me a big hug and holds my hand and I forget all of that., Do any of your kids play sports?, My daughter was as you described your son. She is best friends with her younger sibling who is neurotypical. Try not to get caught up in the what could happen, focus on what IS. Your son has not changed, all that’s changed is that you now have a diagnosis that can help lead you to more resources. They say parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but guess what? Autism has a million manuals. It’s all about finding out what works for your son, the same as a neurotypical child. My daughter is 3.5 and she is now using full sentences. Echolalia is still present at times but with speech therapy, occupational therapy, and ABA therapy she is making huge progress. With the early diagnosis we were also able to get her into early intervention programs to help with the self harm during meltdowns. We’re still working on coping mechanisms but she actually employs them and no longer self harms. We have days that are so frustrating and sad and rage inducing, but we also have those with our neurotypical child. DM me if you want to talk more, but just take a minute to absorb and worry and then just take the next step, then the next one. You can do this. Find the resources. While something’s may never be natural for him you can help him to make then second nature., As a now autistic adult with an autistic brother as well, I can say it sounds like your son is speaking (even if it is echolalia, that is still communication) and his main struggles are his meltdowns. For this, I personally wouldn’t recommend ABA, as those therapies can sometimes make meltdowns worse. I would look for certain play-based therapies or parent-child joint therapies that essentially teach you how to understand your son. Knowing his meltdown triggers and warning signs will help you avoid them, and in a controlled environment, you guys can work together on finding replacement behaviors to the meltdowns, him communicating when he needs a break (to avoid a meltdown), and slowly but steadily helping him feel more safe and comfortable in new situations. Because that’s really what a meltdown is about, feeling absolutely terrified. They are not the same as tantrums because they are fear based (which is why we devolve into fight-flight-freeze), and much more like a panic attack than a tantrum. He is only 2 right now, many NT 2 year olds have tantrums too, though these are different and may take a different approach, with support they should decrease as he gets older as well. I truly believe meltdowns do get better when people take the time to understand them. Though I am an adult who still has meltdowns from time to time, they are much less common and much less extreme now. You guys have got this., Hi there. I have autistic sons who are now 5 and 8. What you are feeling is very normal, especially at the beginning. What you are feeling now will not last forever. I will say that you settle into a new normal. There will likely always be times that where you feel like you are spiraling. I have come to a place of acceptance, that there will be highs and lows. Of course, this is true of raising any child. Ask any parent when the easiest time is raising a child, and it's "once they're moved out!" It is really hard when they're little. I am still going through that to a degree with my youngest son, but it has improved a great deal. It takes superhuman energy sometimes to keep up with it all. My 8 year old was diagnosed with global developmental delay and ASD level 3 at nearly 4. He is undoubtedly intellectually disabled. But he is learning to read and write (his reading is actually not too far behind), he is great about doing housework, he is much, much calmer with age. He stopped eloping around 6 years old. As a toddler, he was everywhere. He once climbed a big shelf in our bathroom and it ripped off the wall. He'd gone in while I was taking care of the baby - it didn't occur to me he would do that. We can relax with my oldest. Just watch TV, play a simple board game or video game - he is very, very good at Mario Kart. He is learning to communicate more with AAC. ABA is controversial in the autistic community - less so in the autism community (which includes parents). No one can tell you definitively if any particular therapy will help your specific child. It is often trial and error for each child. The biggest help for my sons, imo, is just aging and maturing, which often hits later for autistic kids. As they made gains and their attention improved, we could do new things and they could build new skills, like learning to read. Autism is a marathon. Your daughter is at greater risk, and I would advise touching base with early intervention and all early in her life. But, it is not definitive. Many families here have only one autistic child. I think I'm one of only a few parents here who has multiple.diagnosed children., My four year old son was diagnosed as level one. I am really grateful for this group *and also* I don't think that you can necessarily use it as any indication of what is ahead of you - both because every kid is different and also because I think a lot of parents come and make posts here (understandably, thankfully) when things are at their most challenging and that can make it hard to see the entire trajectory, because things change. Not quickly but they do change, before you know it. Just like with neurotypical kids. And that change can be hard to really visualize while reading posts here. I validate your fears and your concerns - you're totally not alone, you get to feel those feelings. And also just remember that because something is happening now doesn't mean it always will. And even if something did stay the same, you'll undoubtedly get better at coping with / addressing it. My second kid (who was a tiny baby when his brother was diagnosed) is pretty neurotypical thus far at 2.5 (maybe ADHD but no signs of autism yet although we are watching for it of course). And their relationship, though deeply stressful for a few months in the beginning, is 90% beautiful and easy these days, much to our relief and surprise. And then there will be a month or two where it's stressful again, but it always morphs. Frustrating but mostly okay. I suspect that the best thing you can do now is let yourself truly feel those feelings of sadness and grief. Just like we teach our kids, all feelings are okay, it's what you do with them that matters most. Maybe scream and shout in your car, write letters you never send, punch pillows, all that, and then get to business? Remember that no two people will grieve the same too, right, and your partner may be at a different place than you sometimes., I can relate so hard. Every month I wonder if my next period will come and how I will deal with an autistic toddler and a newborn. (I am taking necessary precautions but we all know those aren’t 100%) He has meltdowns that are pretty severe as well. He hasn’t been officially diagnosed yet, but I’ve seen the signs since he was just under a year old. I tried not to think anything of it because I know every child is different. Didn’t even bring it up to the pediatrician, but when she told me he ranked pretty moderate for his chances of being diagnosed, that’s when it became a reality. I HIGHLY recommend you do what I do and get the retractable playpen from Amazon and throw fluffy blankets in there for your son’s meltdowns. It’s a safe way to separate him and take a breather. Regalo My Portable Play Yard Indoor and Outdoor, Washable, Aqua, 6-Panel, 48 Inch https://a.co/d/1THkFuV, Read Uniquely Human. Find other people in your area that have kids on the spectrum. A support group is life changing. Diagnosis day is hard and scary. Take it one day at a time. Find a good group of therapists that you TRUST and that your son enjoys. You’ve got this., It's ok to grieve, in fact, it's the healthy thing to do. Some things may not come to pass but you don't know what will and what won't. Get informed, advocate for your son, and don't ever give up on him. My daughter was born before her brothers diagnosis but she's been his best friend since she was born. She pushes him all the time and he learns from her. This is a tough wave to ride, been there!, 1) Your child is 2. Many autistic children grow and change throughout their lives. It is common for kids to shift between levels. (https://health.ucdavis.edu/news/headlines/autism-characteristics-can-change-significantly-from-ages-3-to-11/2022/04) kid was diagnosed at level 2 today, but the psychologist said it was likely he would be level 1 later with support and help. And echolalia is not necessarily a bad thing. For kids, it can be a step in working out language. 2) You can make a difference in the outcome. For many autistic kids, they aren't locked into one trajectory at the point of diagnosis. Look into therapies, get the recommended support, and your kid will have the best chance of thriving. 3) Autistic toddlers still have phases. My kid has had plenty since his second birthday. (He is almost 3.) He is currently in a huge boundary testing one, which is making me dread the day a little bit. However, it is developmentally normal for his age, and it will pass., Can totally relate. My daughter started showing symptoms when she was around 2 and I got pregnant with my second before I even had concerns about her. I figured by the time the baby was born she'd be sleeping better, eating better, just overall easier but with ASD in the picture now it all feels harder. I worry about the new baby, I know I will obsess over milestones. It's a hard place to be. Sorry I don't have any better advice but just know you're not alone!, My 10 year old is severely autistic , nonverbal level 3. I also have 3 kids in total, my first one who is autistic we were hoping for a pass through but after 2 he started to go backwards. Dm me i can tell you a lot, My daughter is only 20months, she is currently in early intervention and is showing signs of autism and adhd. She doesn't talk or point, if she does say any words at all it is like uh ohhh, and only after we say it first. I am also trying to teach her gestures and signs, but Again she only copies if someone else does is first and won't use them in a meaningful way. She does do arm flapping and spinning and pacing, but aside from the 6 so hard to tell with her if she isn't just acting her age. I can interrupt the flapping easily, and when she repeats gestures and sound she does it with so much enthusiasm and interest and makes great eye contact while doing it she is clearly having fun. She is so affectionate and she sleeps through the night she has personality it's just hard to image that she won't one day just be typical. I don't know but what I have done to try to pull myself out of my own spiral about her possibly being autistic, I have started just focusing on all of the wonderful things she does do and how much I love her and all of the fun we can have. I have also started researching autism, not just in this sub, but in subs for adults with autism and autism in women in my child's case because I have heard that it presents differently in females. I have started watching YouTube videos for not only children with autism but adults so I can look at what type of future she could have and hear from adults with autism what it is like for them, I watch these types of videos on tick tock as well. I read about autism on Google and I am looking into books I could buy. Like "it takes two to talk" I have to say that watching videos and hearing from adults with autism has made me very optimistic. Autistic adults seem to turn out OK mostly, it can be scary when you read and watch things about children with autism because it seems they grow to be much more aware and capable most of the time they just learn differently than we are used to teaching so it is important to figure out how to teach our children with autism. There are ways to teach them, there are books there are toys for children with developmental delays, you can find a lot on Amazon and you can learn a lot if you care to know and do a little research. Good luck and from how you describe your son, it seems he is going to be just fine. The eye contact and communication is a very good sign that he will have an easier time with Social cues and autism is typically associated as a social disorder in sorts. It sounds like while your son may still learn a little differently that he may still have an easier time, Sounds just like me. Except my 1st was diagnosed before his little sister was born. He was diagnosed at 1 almost 2. Level 3. I won’t lie years 2-4 are hard even with typical toddlers. 2.5-3.5 for my son was brutal. We have come a long way. My son has come a long f**king way and I’m proud of him. He’s nearly 4. Who is going to melt down when we have to leave the playground even when I do a countdown before? My typically developing toddler. Who is going to cry as if they are being tortured when we are all done with the iPad? My typically developing toddler. Who is harder to give medications to? My typically developing toddler. Who will try almost any food? My autistic toddler. Who can tolerate transitions with very little fussing? My autistic toddler. Who goes to sleep at 7pm like clockwork and sleeps through the night? My autistic toddler. Of course it’s more involved than this. My son is level 3. Autistic kiddos can learn. They can improve their behaviors. 6 months ago if I so much as unexpectedly went downstairs to throw out the trash my son would have meltdown for 30 minutes. I had to hide the iPad under the couch for 6 months because my son couldn’t tolerate it being taken away. 1 year ago we both were averaging 2-4 hrs of sleep per night and wrestling with poop smearing and destroying his room. My son has been in 35 hrs of ABA a week for the last 2 years. That has been the most key part of his success, functionality and ability to participate in the world. He is also in speech and OT. He does “food school” in his ABA program that has really expanded his diet. He’s considered non verbal. He probably says a couple words every 4 months. He is a whiz with his AAC and has so many words there. He is on one medication for ADHD and sleep (my son is like the Tasmanian devil without it) and another one recently for anxiety with transitions/improving mood. My plans for him when he was born have adjusted to our reality. But he’s much more happy going now as an older toddler. People may have questioned my choices with ABA or medication but I don’t regret anything. I couldn’t take him anyyyyywhere 6 months ago and would have a panic attack even thinking about it. We go places now ! I think we can even get ready to travel. This is a journey of ups and downs but every now and then our children give us a splash of hope Keep your head up and we are here for support!, [deleted], If your son is learning new words and pointing at his age, he’s definitely developing well and will adapt to ADA therapy. My son is almost 5 and still can’t say anything outside of “dada” and “no” (which he doesn’t really use correctly all of the time). It will get easier for you, and try not to be too worried about your second child. Just do the best you can, and they will be fine., Take everything a day at a time. Things do change. 9 months ago my eldest couldn't do speeches. She's bright, she prepped well, powerpoints, palm cards, the works. She had to do her speeches with me there, facing the window, the rest of the class doing other things while only 2 friends watched. You still couldn't hear her. Last week she stood in front of the whole class and spoke softly, but clearly. Got above expected for all criteria including performing the "eye contact with the crowd" nonsense. She doesn't have ABA, she has play therapy with a psychologist for anxiety and OT for emotional regulation. She used to have screaming meltdowns to the point of wetting herself and triggering her gag reflex. She hasn't even come close this year. My youngest didn't speak more than the odd short sentence at the start of this year. Mostly meowed. Now she communicates in longer sentences and will even initiate conversations with strangers. Adults only, never children, baby steps. She has had no intervention, her speech path assessment isn't until the end of the month. I won't like, it's ups and downs. My strong, clever, brave middle child is spiralling with her emotional dysregulation and sensory sensitivities. Her meltdowns are more isolation based than tantruming, but it's still tough walking on eggshells. We have OT for her and I know she will start improving when we can nut out the eight supports., I'm sorry. Just try to breathe and give it a little bit to sink in and, for God's sake, stay off the internet for a bit. You'll have plenty of time to read all that stuff later. You come here and vent and, of course, ask advice, but just know autism presents in so many different forms with varying levels of severity. It's challenging, but he is still the same little guy he was yesterday., I was also in the same situation with a baby coming very close to when we got diagnosis. Get all the forms filled out to get him in therapy before the baby comes (if possible). Try to get the ball rolling on this asap as it will be difficult when baby comes. The good news is you will now have professional help with the tantrums (meltdowns) and you dont have to struggle through this alone with a new baby. The tantrums will get much better with occupational therapy. My son had echolia too but doesnt anymore at 6. Its a good thing actually, it means he is trying to learn how to speak. My second baby was a boy too and he doesnt have autism. It's a really hard thing to find out before a new baby arrives. Dont dispare things will get better. It does take some time to get over the shock., Hey dude, I'm also a dad to an autistic daughter. She's 3.5 years old now, but was about your son's age when she was diagnosed. I wouldn't stress too much - it's hard when you get that news for sure. But over time, you'll find fun ways of interacting with him and you'll be amazed at how he'll grow. My daughter doesn't do things that a lot of other kids her age does, but she has grown so much in her own ways. She's also hilarious and funny to see her personality develop. And it's impossible to tell how your 2 year old will be in the future. My daughter has changed like crazy this past year, developing really well in her own ways. She still has a lot of meltdowns and needs a lot of one-on-one care, but you'd be surprised how you get used to it and it becomes your new normal. You just gotta be at peace with the new normal and find joy. But mainly, I wouldn't worry about it at all. You'll be fine and he'll be fine., Echolalia isn’t bad. It is often a sign that they learn language differently. Try and find a SLP that is familiar with gestalt language development. Also keep in mind that even though your daughter is more likely to be autistic than someone without an autistic sibling for most people they are more likely to be NT than ND. Your son is still the same kid he was. An autism diagnosis gives you more tools in your toolkit to figure out how to help him with his tantrums., What type of echolalia?, “Echolalia is the use of repetitive words and phrases in communication. It is a natural phase of language development in toddlers. But kids often outgrow it when they reach their third birthday.”, Try to remember that his diagnosis is just a word on a piece of paper. It’s humans being humans and wanting to label everything! My 2.5 year old son sounds exactly like yours (not the head-banging part, but he got expelled from preschool for biting). Despite that, after a 2-hour evaluation, they said he DOESN’T have autism… So maybe if you went where we went, he wouldn’t have been diagnosed??? Honestly, I’m jealous of you because now you have easier access to services! That is amazing that he’s saying new words everyday! We wish that for our “not autistic” son, but his speech development is very slow-going., You do NOT need to rush to doing ABA. Autism as someone told me , is not a medical emergency. Your child will not be a failure if you don’t do ABA. This is a time to: 1. Pause, reflect and understand what autism is. 2. While you do 1, make sure to understand that not everything will apply to your child. 3. Make sure to get on the Que with OT and ST. For ST, make sure you get someone who understands gestalt language processing. Dm me for any further advice anytime :), Reading this felt really similar to my situation about a year and a half ago i gave birth to my son. And i was so scared he would have autism cause his sister of 2 years has it. He was born and with in 5 weeks i saw he was different. He made contact babbeling to me looking me in the eye. And i get to experience now things i haven’t with my daughter now with my son. It’s such a joy. I really understand that you are worried and it’s valid . But it can turn out just like my situation. And the best part of it my daughter now sometimes plays with him and now sometimes also with other kids . She did not do that before he was around. It’s rough but what i learned from professionals who i talked to it can get better . She just need the right environment to be around her .so we are doing that. I heard allot of negative things about aba therapy tbh. So we are not doing that. We are going for the essential 5 and also Son-Rise . Maybe interesting to look into that., It can get better. Your son is just learning about emotions and how to handle them. My advice for now is slow down-give more transition time with more explanation ahead of time to prep him. Keep his world smaller for now and gradually get bigger if he gets too stressed for now. Research gestalt language learners as his echolalia might be part of this., It’s heartbreaking, I understand. Hugs to you ., Get professional help. ABA helps a whole LOT with harmful behavior. Get all the help you can from people you trust. Be happy. If you're not happy, you cannot lead your kids into it. Everything will work out. Be brave. I wish you success., It definitely gets easier both for the child and the parents. From experience, the biggest hurdle I had to come over was accepting the diagnosis, and now that I’ve overcome that, it is now reminding myself to just focus on the day to day, celebrate the little wins, and definitely a lot of deep breathing can go a long way. ABA will definitely help, but it wont change things overnight. I have been teaching my child to point and nod yes or no for almost a year now. Often feeling hopeless, but he’ll do something that can bring my hope back. My other advice is to not give him any attention when he is throwing his tantrum. I would usually just stay quiet and ignore my child and he’ll usually just stop crying, BUT it’s a different story if he’s harming himself., This is exactly what I’d say. My son just turned 3 and my daughter was just born when we got the diagnosis. 2.5 years later and he still does aba, speech, ot and Pt. He sounds similar to yours does and while he’s still behind in conversations he’s still able to communicate using multiple words. He just completed pre-k and is going mainstream kindergarten next year. My biggest advise is get him the most good help you can now, they all have been equally important. Also stop looking down the road. Focus on the next obstacle he needs to overcome and celebrate every milestone he hits. You’ll look back a year from now or even 6 months and be proud of the progress he’s made., It absolutely sucks. I’ve cried every day for a month thinking about this appointment. Someone so innocent and young. Its fucking heartbreaking, I wish I could say the guilty feeling goes away, but a year in, I still feel it at times. Oddly enough, I feel it most when I’m away from him. Then, in being around him, I feel much happier. He has grown so much in just a year and is a very sweet child. As for talking to someone, I suggest a therapist. It helped me get through a pretty dark period in the beginning and helped me realize a number of things about my situation — foremost, that my son is a sweet and happy child, and in changing how I perceived things, I would be happier and a better father., I couldn't help the grieving process, it might be a waste of time to some but I had to go through that to accept this life, I think what this person meant was don’t get stuck in the grieving process. It’s completely normal to go through cycles of grieving, but don’t let it incapacitate you. Our oldest was 2 when he got his diagnosis and our second was born. Being postpartum, taking care of a newborn, and getting my oldest set up with therapies made it the hardest 3 months of my life. But we got through it. I don’t know if it gets easier, but you get more knowledgeable, so it might feel a little easier., Awwwww 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 this is the advice OP needs. My 3 year old level 3 little one keeps us away from lots of activities with too much commotion and we have learned to take things soooooft and sloooooow when shes over stimulated and sure its a lot of work… but i honestly wouldnt trade a thing about her. She has tantrums and loses her mind over things no one else even notices but i think that just means she needs more help! She is an AWESOME human and i also have autism and it makes me sad to hear parents grieve what could have been…, My 12 year old daughter (level 1) is very athletic. She plays competitive softball. There are definitely some famous autistic athletes. (If you google it you’ll find it.), My now 19 uear old was in highly competitive marching band, and loved it. Lots of ASD kids/adults benefit from physical activity/sports/hands on heavy lifting., Uhmmm theres a million questions that go through my head. Will he talk, will he have friends, will he play sports, will he be functional, will he live with me forever, who will take care of him when I die if I can’t. Seems pretty rationale to me., I probably undersold it a bit. He handflaps as well, is hyperactive, handleads, doesn’t respond to name when distracted. ( he does when hes not playing witg toys which I thought was fine, guess not.) The whole test was very strange, but I do think he should’ve been diagnosed. Prayers to your son that he gets the help he needs., Means alot coming from boobiesappreciator. I also appreciate, It really is. There are times when my son's tantrums are really bad (crying, screaming and throwing stuff around for almost an hour), the only way he stops is when i shout louder. He shuts up when i do that but damn, its painful (im now realizing that its not him, its the autism) and really overwhelming. Me and wife just keep telling ourselves that it will be better(and i can read from stories here that it does get better). I have a 2 year old daughter who is starting to show the same level of tantrums. We will be scheduling her for an assessment soon, It feels like their lives are over before they’ve even begun, I agree with this. I had to let myself grieve a little so I could get rid of the expectations I had put on my son before he was even born. We’re all human and want our kids to enjoy what we did as children and it hurts when that’s taken away. Grieving helped me reflect on why I struggle dealing with raising a severely autistic child and knowing there is a way to calm my mind and be the best father I can be., Agree, it’s not a waste of time to process grief, though hindsight you can always wish you spent your time just thriving and accepting things as they are., I clearly allude to the fact that I did. And sometimes it still creeps in. When I play with my other son. When I see him watching us play and interact on a level he cannot. When I see other children playing together and my son sitting by himself on a swing. Watching. I find it counterproductive. What good does that do my children? Or my wife? In those moments I embrace him. I tell him I love him. I tell him I will always be there. Edit: thanks for the downvotes shitheads. Ffs. I was not criticizing anyone. Just sharing my experience, which is the greatest asset of this space., Exactly what I mean. I still have low moments. I will not let myself be defeated by them., Same! Our son handflaps, is hyperactive, handleads, and doesn’t respond to his name. Although I should say **didn’t** respond to his name. Now that we’ve been treating him the last 3 months (speech therapy, no screen time, emphasizing imaginative play) he’s a totally different kid! Way more social and will respond to his name. They **did** diagnose him with Hyperlexia III (hyperfixation on the alphabet and numbers) which shows signs of autism but they grow out of it, apparently!, Oh dang. I didn't realize I had my troll account on. I'm sorry. I have an older boy in the spectrum and a NT daughter., Yes!!! Yell with him!!! Validate his strong feelings without telling him they or he is wrong to have them. He saw/ heard you yell and he was like, “ dad you get it, THANK YOU.” Meet your kids where they are, slow them to have their feelings. You will be surprised how their nervous systems will begin to calm, if they are allowed to have their feelings without being told they are wrong., I appreciate your comment. The next time I see my son playing alone or I get that creeping feeling like embarrassment or exasperation, I'll walk over to him, give him a hug and tell him I love him.

Dairy replacement

So I’m aware of the fact that autistic children could potentially benefit from going dairy free or minimizing dairy intake. My son will be turning two next month and I was wondering what everybody else is offering instead of milk to drink he also still has breast milk on top of regular milk, but I’m thinking of transitioning him to breast milk since I will still be feeding my Child for quite some time but I guess my question is what comes next what milk or drink did you switch to instead of cows milk

My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Goat’s milk is also a good substitute if you can get it near by, Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Goat’s milk is also a good substitute if you can get it near by, Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., Oh really? Yes we have it in stores here everywhere, I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., Just because we are vegan and, as he's 5, he's not always good about eating iron-rich foods, we use it. A friend of ours who is vegan with a vegan son has never used an iron supplement with him, and he's never had a problem. He's a better eater than our son, though. We haven't tested his iron levels recently, so he may not need it anymore. We're actually planning to do a check-in with a pediatric nutritionist soon just to make sure we're doing everything we should be. It sounds like you're doing great and have a good doctor, though!, Thanks, My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Goat’s milk is also a good substitute if you can get it near by, Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Goat’s milk is also a good substitute if you can get it near by, Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., Oh really? Yes we have it in stores here everywhere, I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., Just because we are vegan and, as he's 5, he's not always good about eating iron-rich foods, we use it. A friend of ours who is vegan with a vegan son has never used an iron supplement with him, and he's never had a problem. He's a better eater than our son, though. We haven't tested his iron levels recently, so he may not need it anymore. We're actually planning to do a check-in with a pediatric nutritionist soon just to make sure we're doing everything we should be. It sounds like you're doing great and have a good doctor, though!, Thanks, My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Goat’s milk is also a good substitute if you can get it near by, Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., My girl (4) was allergic to dairy since she was 5 months old. She was breastfed until 1, so from then on, we gave her nut milk. Now she’s almost outgrown her dairy allergy so we alternate between nut milk, soy milk, and cow’s milk. So she gets a bit of everything. But she had had no dairy from 5 months old to 3yo., We use a combo of silk soymilk (green box) and Califia Farms Protein Oatmilk. The Protein Oat can be hard to find (it used to be in whole foods). They have a milk called Complete that mimics cows milk. We haven't used that one because we are vegan and need other things like dha / omegas from the milk. We also use Ripple Kids - they have both sweetened and unsweetened. Those are at most grocery stores and target., Does he drink water? If he’s getting enough calories and calcium from food, milk is not a necessity., Planet oat oat milk. All the others seem to be chalky., Goat’s milk is also a good substitute if you can get it near by, Thank you is there a specific milk you recommend, Thank you this was extremely helpful. My son is a self-made vegan since he’s not eating meats and he is allergic to eggs so we are trying to get him to eat those things aside from the ex he’s allergic to but he won’t do it anyway so I really appreciate you pointing that one out as I think it might be a really great option for him too, Yes, he does drink water. I understand that milk is not a necessity. However, since it is not just milk, but very in general that I want to cut out, I don’t know how well we will be doing with his calcium intake if I do cut it out completely., Oh really? Yes we have it in stores here everywhere, I'm so glad this helped! We also use a multivitamin that our doctor prescribed and a liquid iron supplement (pink bottle, Nova Ferrum brand, we get it on amazon). ❤️, If you don’t mind, can you elaborate on why she prescribed that iron supplement I’m asking because my son had been put on an iron supplement as well. I actually just took him off of it three days ago since he has been on it for basically a whole year now and I want to see if it changes anything if he gets offered, as in the last appointment, she mentioned his iron levels were OK and to just continue an iron rich diet, but he still struggling eating meats however, he has been doing better and since she said we don’t necessarily have to continue it, unless he starts getting worse again in his tiredness and his iron levels drop. Then we would have to start it back up., Just because we are vegan and, as he's 5, he's not always good about eating iron-rich foods, we use it. A friend of ours who is vegan with a vegan son has never used an iron supplement with him, and he's never had a problem. He's a better eater than our son, though. We haven't tested his iron levels recently, so he may not need it anymore. We're actually planning to do a check-in with a pediatric nutritionist soon just to make sure we're doing everything we should be. It sounds like you're doing great and have a good doctor, though!, Thanks

Dating parent with lvl 3

I'm just looking for others experience with this. Mine hasn't been great, but I've actually found a really nice woman who seems accepting of my son (9) who is very high needs. My problem is that I feel she may be at the stage of possibly living together. Even though she has spent a fair amount of time around him and I've tried explaining things to her, I don't feel she has any real clue what this entails. I feal bad but she will confide in me about her issues with her 2 NT children and life but they seem so absolutely miniscule compared to what I deal with, that inside of me it's almost laughable. How do I manage this? I love my son to death but I can't imagine wanting to sign up for this. I also feel almost guilty if I "trap" another human into this lifestyle. Any thoughts appreciated as my tired brain needs help computing life problems lol

Are these 2 NT kid gonna live with you as well!? This would be a giant change for your son emotionally and routine wise. He is gonna struggle a lot with this and probably the other kids too. It's a lot to adapt to live with an autistic kid and all his possible triggers and needs. Are they willing?, I’m dating a guy who has a level 3 autistic boy (nonverbal). We’ve been together for going on 4 years now. I met his son, had “sleepovers” during his custody time, all before we moved in then eventually bought a house together. Those sleepovers didn’t truly prepare me for full on life with my stepson. There are days my stepson, who’s almost 7, seems to have such a vendetta against me even after knowing me for this long. Some days I’m still the lady who is taking dad’s attention from him (or so it feels like). Some of that is also just normal kid to stepparent behavior. It’s going to take a ton of empathy from both parties. I need support from my SO on the hard days and he needs my support to hear things are going to be okay. And I work very hard to connect with my SS but I also have worked hard to know when to step back and let my SO be the disciplinarian because my SS just inherently listens to him better at this point in our life together. My SO has told me he feels bad I’m not only dealing with my stepsons high conflict mother but also a high support needs kid. That’s where he needs my support, I remind him i actively chose this and still am choosing this life. We lean on each other and love gets us through. We have a solid relationship with open communication, without that, there’s no way I would be able to be stepmom to a special needs kiddo. I need him to be able to be open to hearing my struggles because at the end of the day my stepson is not my bio kid so my relationship with him needs to be fostered and tended to a little different, and my SO is the main person to do that. Even if my problems seem trivial, he actively tries to help me with them. We also prioritize our relationship. Even during placement times with my SS. This was an early on thing that was causing some fights when we first moved in together and realized we were losing our relationship a bit to just day to day life (which is normal but doesn’t need to be an all the time thing) As I’m sure you’re well aware, burn out is inevitable with a high support needs kid (nevertheless more than 1 kid in your situation). If we see burnout happening for whatever reason and the other person hasn’t brought it up we try to find “us time” in the middle of the chaos. We make it happen. If we can get a babysitter, great, dinner date! If we can’t, kiddo gets to go bed earlier to watch his favorite movie and we get to snuggle up on the couch and watch our show together. all this is to say, it’s doable. Not easy, but doable. Clear boundaries and expectations help. And there is great joy to know you are conquering the challenges together and celebrating the wins with your person. It makes it all worth it to me and although this life is “hard” with a level 3 autistic stepson, the hard moments are always smaller in comparison to the good moments. ETA: plenty of people warned me before getting serious with my SO how hard this would be. How a kid with level 3 autism would be so hard and possibly life ruining. I took it all with a grain of salt. My love for my partner was greater than that and it overflows to my stepson. There is no amount of warning us stepparents can have in this situation. It will be a reality shock for her. Be committed to seeing her through that, whenever it hits. And help give your kids a say in this change no matter how small it is (ex. your half siblings are moving in! Whose room is who’s? What color paint do you want?)., You deserve to be happy too. If you’ve been together for a decent amount of time, and she’s spent substantial time with your son, go for it. I would imagine you’ve had this conversation with her as well, the worry about her being trapped. If not, you should. Lay it all on the table and go from there. But I’m going to guess if she’s a mature responsible adult she hasn’t gone into this lightly either, Yes they would live me as well. However I also have 2 NT children and he is well adapted to being with them and others at school. We still run into issues obviously but have a good system down. Also to note is that we both share pretty much 50/50 custody with our exes and it would be like 8 days per month they would all be together. Probably just a lost cause really lol, Your son living with his siblings and with 2 kids that he barely knows are two very different things. Does he masks at school? If he does then he needs his safe space to regulate and this may cost him that. I'm sorry but this sounds a bit naive to me., This is why I asked for advice and thank you for your input. I am definitely not naive, really looking to see if anyone has had a similar situation. It would take a lifetime to type out our exact situation. Maybe I'm just looking for a good excuse to not take the leap lol, Are these 2 NT kid gonna live with you as well!? This would be a giant change for your son emotionally and routine wise. He is gonna struggle a lot with this and probably the other kids too. It's a lot to adapt to live with an autistic kid and all his possible triggers and needs. Are they willing?, I’m dating a guy who has a level 3 autistic boy (nonverbal). We’ve been together for going on 4 years now. I met his son, had “sleepovers” during his custody time, all before we moved in then eventually bought a house together. Those sleepovers didn’t truly prepare me for full on life with my stepson. There are days my stepson, who’s almost 7, seems to have such a vendetta against me even after knowing me for this long. Some days I’m still the lady who is taking dad’s attention from him (or so it feels like). Some of that is also just normal kid to stepparent behavior. It’s going to take a ton of empathy from both parties. I need support from my SO on the hard days and he needs my support to hear things are going to be okay. And I work very hard to connect with my SS but I also have worked hard to know when to step back and let my SO be the disciplinarian because my SS just inherently listens to him better at this point in our life together. My SO has told me he feels bad I’m not only dealing with my stepsons high conflict mother but also a high support needs kid. That’s where he needs my support, I remind him i actively chose this and still am choosing this life. We lean on each other and love gets us through. We have a solid relationship with open communication, without that, there’s no way I would be able to be stepmom to a special needs kiddo. I need him to be able to be open to hearing my struggles because at the end of the day my stepson is not my bio kid so my relationship with him needs to be fostered and tended to a little different, and my SO is the main person to do that. Even if my problems seem trivial, he actively tries to help me with them. We also prioritize our relationship. Even during placement times with my SS. This was an early on thing that was causing some fights when we first moved in together and realized we were losing our relationship a bit to just day to day life (which is normal but doesn’t need to be an all the time thing) As I’m sure you’re well aware, burn out is inevitable with a high support needs kid (nevertheless more than 1 kid in your situation). If we see burnout happening for whatever reason and the other person hasn’t brought it up we try to find “us time” in the middle of the chaos. We make it happen. If we can get a babysitter, great, dinner date! If we can’t, kiddo gets to go bed earlier to watch his favorite movie and we get to snuggle up on the couch and watch our show together. all this is to say, it’s doable. Not easy, but doable. Clear boundaries and expectations help. And there is great joy to know you are conquering the challenges together and celebrating the wins with your person. It makes it all worth it to me and although this life is “hard” with a level 3 autistic stepson, the hard moments are always smaller in comparison to the good moments. ETA: plenty of people warned me before getting serious with my SO how hard this would be. How a kid with level 3 autism would be so hard and possibly life ruining. I took it all with a grain of salt. My love for my partner was greater than that and it overflows to my stepson. There is no amount of warning us stepparents can have in this situation. It will be a reality shock for her. Be committed to seeing her through that, whenever it hits. And help give your kids a say in this change no matter how small it is (ex. your half siblings are moving in! Whose room is who’s? What color paint do you want?)., You deserve to be happy too. If you’ve been together for a decent amount of time, and she’s spent substantial time with your son, go for it. I would imagine you’ve had this conversation with her as well, the worry about her being trapped. If not, you should. Lay it all on the table and go from there. But I’m going to guess if she’s a mature responsible adult she hasn’t gone into this lightly either, Yes they would live me as well. However I also have 2 NT children and he is well adapted to being with them and others at school. We still run into issues obviously but have a good system down. Also to note is that we both share pretty much 50/50 custody with our exes and it would be like 8 days per month they would all be together. Probably just a lost cause really lol, Your son living with his siblings and with 2 kids that he barely knows are two very different things. Does he masks at school? If he does then he needs his safe space to regulate and this may cost him that. I'm sorry but this sounds a bit naive to me., This is why I asked for advice and thank you for your input. I am definitely not naive, really looking to see if anyone has had a similar situation. It would take a lifetime to type out our exact situation. Maybe I'm just looking for a good excuse to not take the leap lol, Are these 2 NT kid gonna live with you as well!? This would be a giant change for your son emotionally and routine wise. He is gonna struggle a lot with this and probably the other kids too. It's a lot to adapt to live with an autistic kid and all his possible triggers and needs. Are they willing?, I’m dating a guy who has a level 3 autistic boy (nonverbal). We’ve been together for going on 4 years now. I met his son, had “sleepovers” during his custody time, all before we moved in then eventually bought a house together. Those sleepovers didn’t truly prepare me for full on life with my stepson. There are days my stepson, who’s almost 7, seems to have such a vendetta against me even after knowing me for this long. Some days I’m still the lady who is taking dad’s attention from him (or so it feels like). Some of that is also just normal kid to stepparent behavior. It’s going to take a ton of empathy from both parties. I need support from my SO on the hard days and he needs my support to hear things are going to be okay. And I work very hard to connect with my SS but I also have worked hard to know when to step back and let my SO be the disciplinarian because my SS just inherently listens to him better at this point in our life together. My SO has told me he feels bad I’m not only dealing with my stepsons high conflict mother but also a high support needs kid. That’s where he needs my support, I remind him i actively chose this and still am choosing this life. We lean on each other and love gets us through. We have a solid relationship with open communication, without that, there’s no way I would be able to be stepmom to a special needs kiddo. I need him to be able to be open to hearing my struggles because at the end of the day my stepson is not my bio kid so my relationship with him needs to be fostered and tended to a little different, and my SO is the main person to do that. Even if my problems seem trivial, he actively tries to help me with them. We also prioritize our relationship. Even during placement times with my SS. This was an early on thing that was causing some fights when we first moved in together and realized we were losing our relationship a bit to just day to day life (which is normal but doesn’t need to be an all the time thing) As I’m sure you’re well aware, burn out is inevitable with a high support needs kid (nevertheless more than 1 kid in your situation). If we see burnout happening for whatever reason and the other person hasn’t brought it up we try to find “us time” in the middle of the chaos. We make it happen. If we can get a babysitter, great, dinner date! If we can’t, kiddo gets to go bed earlier to watch his favorite movie and we get to snuggle up on the couch and watch our show together. all this is to say, it’s doable. Not easy, but doable. Clear boundaries and expectations help. And there is great joy to know you are conquering the challenges together and celebrating the wins with your person. It makes it all worth it to me and although this life is “hard” with a level 3 autistic stepson, the hard moments are always smaller in comparison to the good moments. ETA: plenty of people warned me before getting serious with my SO how hard this would be. How a kid with level 3 autism would be so hard and possibly life ruining. I took it all with a grain of salt. My love for my partner was greater than that and it overflows to my stepson. There is no amount of warning us stepparents can have in this situation. It will be a reality shock for her. Be committed to seeing her through that, whenever it hits. And help give your kids a say in this change no matter how small it is (ex. your half siblings are moving in! Whose room is who’s? What color paint do you want?)., You deserve to be happy too. If you’ve been together for a decent amount of time, and she’s spent substantial time with your son, go for it. I would imagine you’ve had this conversation with her as well, the worry about her being trapped. If not, you should. Lay it all on the table and go from there. But I’m going to guess if she’s a mature responsible adult she hasn’t gone into this lightly either, Yes they would live me as well. However I also have 2 NT children and he is well adapted to being with them and others at school. We still run into issues obviously but have a good system down. Also to note is that we both share pretty much 50/50 custody with our exes and it would be like 8 days per month they would all be together. Probably just a lost cause really lol, Your son living with his siblings and with 2 kids that he barely knows are two very different things. Does he masks at school? If he does then he needs his safe space to regulate and this may cost him that. I'm sorry but this sounds a bit naive to me., This is why I asked for advice and thank you for your input. I am definitely not naive, really looking to see if anyone has had a similar situation. It would take a lifetime to type out our exact situation. Maybe I'm just looking for a good excuse to not take the leap lol, Are these 2 NT kid gonna live with you as well!? This would be a giant change for your son emotionally and routine wise. He is gonna struggle a lot with this and probably the other kids too. It's a lot to adapt to live with an autistic kid and all his possible triggers and needs. Are they willing?, I’m dating a guy who has a level 3 autistic boy (nonverbal). We’ve been together for going on 4 years now. I met his son, had “sleepovers” during his custody time, all before we moved in then eventually bought a house together. Those sleepovers didn’t truly prepare me for full on life with my stepson. There are days my stepson, who’s almost 7, seems to have such a vendetta against me even after knowing me for this long. Some days I’m still the lady who is taking dad’s attention from him (or so it feels like). Some of that is also just normal kid to stepparent behavior. It’s going to take a ton of empathy from both parties. I need support from my SO on the hard days and he needs my support to hear things are going to be okay. And I work very hard to connect with my SS but I also have worked hard to know when to step back and let my SO be the disciplinarian because my SS just inherently listens to him better at this point in our life together. My SO has told me he feels bad I’m not only dealing with my stepsons high conflict mother but also a high support needs kid. That’s where he needs my support, I remind him i actively chose this and still am choosing this life. We lean on each other and love gets us through. We have a solid relationship with open communication, without that, there’s no way I would be able to be stepmom to a special needs kiddo. I need him to be able to be open to hearing my struggles because at the end of the day my stepson is not my bio kid so my relationship with him needs to be fostered and tended to a little different, and my SO is the main person to do that. Even if my problems seem trivial, he actively tries to help me with them. We also prioritize our relationship. Even during placement times with my SS. This was an early on thing that was causing some fights when we first moved in together and realized we were losing our relationship a bit to just day to day life (which is normal but doesn’t need to be an all the time thing) As I’m sure you’re well aware, burn out is inevitable with a high support needs kid (nevertheless more than 1 kid in your situation). If we see burnout happening for whatever reason and the other person hasn’t brought it up we try to find “us time” in the middle of the chaos. We make it happen. If we can get a babysitter, great, dinner date! If we can’t, kiddo gets to go bed earlier to watch his favorite movie and we get to snuggle up on the couch and watch our show together. all this is to say, it’s doable. Not easy, but doable. Clear boundaries and expectations help. And there is great joy to know you are conquering the challenges together and celebrating the wins with your person. It makes it all worth it to me and although this life is “hard” with a level 3 autistic stepson, the hard moments are always smaller in comparison to the good moments. ETA: plenty of people warned me before getting serious with my SO how hard this would be. How a kid with level 3 autism would be so hard and possibly life ruining. I took it all with a grain of salt. My love for my partner was greater than that and it overflows to my stepson. There is no amount of warning us stepparents can have in this situation. It will be a reality shock for her. Be committed to seeing her through that, whenever it hits. And help give your kids a say in this change no matter how small it is (ex. your half siblings are moving in! Whose room is who’s? What color paint do you want?)., You deserve to be happy too. If you’ve been together for a decent amount of time, and she’s spent substantial time with your son, go for it. I would imagine you’ve had this conversation with her as well, the worry about her being trapped. If not, you should. Lay it all on the table and go from there. But I’m going to guess if she’s a mature responsible adult she hasn’t gone into this lightly either, Yes they would live me as well. However I also have 2 NT children and he is well adapted to being with them and others at school. We still run into issues obviously but have a good system down. Also to note is that we both share pretty much 50/50 custody with our exes and it would be like 8 days per month they would all be together. Probably just a lost cause really lol, Your son living with his siblings and with 2 kids that he barely knows are two very different things. Does he masks at school? If he does then he needs his safe space to regulate and this may cost him that. I'm sorry but this sounds a bit naive to me., This is why I asked for advice and thank you for your input. I am definitely not naive, really looking to see if anyone has had a similar situation. It would take a lifetime to type out our exact situation. Maybe I'm just looking for a good excuse to not take the leap lol