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What’s a fair price for an IEP advocate?

Hi everyone, my daughter is 4 and we’re about to sign her first IEP for pre school. They didn’t offer her too much in the way of services so I was thinking of paying an advocate to look it over before we finalize things. They’ve offered her 30 minutes of OT every other week and 2 hours of group speech therapy in a PALS classroom. I found an advocate through a Facebook group and she’s charging $650 for an initial look over. If we want to continue working with her, she would require a $600 retainer and would charge us $200 per hour. Is this a fair rate? How much did some of you pay? It’s my first time dealing with an advocate so I’m not really sure what’s considered fair or not. I’m in Southern California.

[deleted], Try calling disability rights. I just used them to get help for my 4.5 year old. CDS was only offering and has only ever offered speech. They refused to change her category too despite her diagnoses., DM me I used an attorney in so cal and her hourly was lower (like $400) I’m in NorCal and she did zoom with me, turned our situation around. I’m thinking of doing IEP coaching as a side hussle and am happy to share what I know at no cost., They're not lawyers. We don't call lawyers "advocates" like other languages.  A special needs educational advocate is typically just experienced dealing with the school system and IEPs.   They can provide guidance but if the school district is trying to screw you, they're not afraid of an advocate like a lawyer. OP if you have a local ARC chapter they get get you an advocate as wrll, [deleted], Try calling disability rights. I just used them to get help for my 4.5 year old. CDS was only offering and has only ever offered speech. They refused to change her category too despite her diagnoses., DM me I used an attorney in so cal and her hourly was lower (like $400) I’m in NorCal and she did zoom with me, turned our situation around. I’m thinking of doing IEP coaching as a side hussle and am happy to share what I know at no cost., They're not lawyers. We don't call lawyers "advocates" like other languages.  A special needs educational advocate is typically just experienced dealing with the school system and IEPs.   They can provide guidance but if the school district is trying to screw you, they're not afraid of an advocate like a lawyer. OP if you have a local ARC chapter they get get you an advocate as wrll, [deleted], Try calling disability rights. I just used them to get help for my 4.5 year old. CDS was only offering and has only ever offered speech. They refused to change her category too despite her diagnoses., DM me I used an attorney in so cal and her hourly was lower (like $400) I’m in NorCal and she did zoom with me, turned our situation around. I’m thinking of doing IEP coaching as a side hussle and am happy to share what I know at no cost., They're not lawyers. We don't call lawyers "advocates" like other languages.  A special needs educational advocate is typically just experienced dealing with the school system and IEPs.   They can provide guidance but if the school district is trying to screw you, they're not afraid of an advocate like a lawyer. OP if you have a local ARC chapter they get get you an advocate as wrll, [deleted], Try calling disability rights. I just used them to get help for my 4.5 year old. CDS was only offering and has only ever offered speech. They refused to change her category too despite her diagnoses., DM me I used an attorney in so cal and her hourly was lower (like $400) I’m in NorCal and she did zoom with me, turned our situation around. I’m thinking of doing IEP coaching as a side hussle and am happy to share what I know at no cost., They're not lawyers. We don't call lawyers "advocates" like other languages.  A special needs educational advocate is typically just experienced dealing with the school system and IEPs.   They can provide guidance but if the school district is trying to screw you, they're not afraid of an advocate like a lawyer. OP if you have a local ARC chapter they get get you an advocate as wrll

When did you stop being upset when you have to face your child's autism.

My son's 18 mo still not diagnosed, but he shows a lot of the signs. I get upset when we're around neurotypical kids or I have to do asq's and really face how far behind he is. I love my son no matter what and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I just still feel like I failed him. When and how does that feeling start to go away? Edit: thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful advice! I didn't expect to get nearly as many responses as I have and though I've read all of them I just don't have time to respond to all of them. I really, truly appreciate it

It will never go away. It’s a wound akin the grief, it will slowly heal and become more bearable but you will never stop feeling pain for what your child doesn’t have that others do and the difficulties they face now and in their future. It is just a slow process of coming to terms with things and struggling to do all you can to help them., Comparison is the theif of joy. Once I accepted this, and that my son is uniquely him and that's okay, it got easier. He's 3.5 and was diagnosed a year ago. It took me maybe 6 months to come to terms with not having the experience I expected. He's still my wonderful, happy son. He's just wired differently., Hasn’t happened yet for me. That feeling comes and goes. Similar to you, I’ve found there are two situations that frequently trigger those negative feelings: first, when we’re around friends/family that have neurotypical children, and second, when we’re having to work out some new service or deal with the school system. Knowing those situations are likely to cause negative emotions at least helps me prepare myself. As silly as it may sound, at a minimum, I’m gonna have a snack ahead of time, because being hungry and upset is a bad combo. And then I also try and check in with where I’m at emotionally beforehand. Am I feeling anxious, excited, scared, calm, frustrated, etc.? But there’s a bit of advice that I think helps pretty much anyone at any point in life: focus on the things you can actually control. That mostly entails your own attitude, your own actions, and your own words., My second child is neurotypical. He’s about to be two which is about the time my elder son was diagnosed. It hurts to see what normal child development looks like and how fun the interactions can be. I’m very happy to my second child flourish, it makes me incredibly happy. I can see the stark differences between them. It just makes me sad to see what my elder son couldn’t experience that developmentally at that time. I don’t know if im making sense., Wow that was me for a solid year and a half during the denial phase and then through assessments until diagnosis. I kept telling myself and the assessors that all I want are the resources to provide for them (twins) but really I wanted some relief, answers, respite. Answering the same stupid questions about their (my) shortcomings was torture and a constant reminder I will never have a normal life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard all the time, but I don’t grieve for them. Every choice I’ve made in my life led me here, and I am doing my best and realizing that was step one. I think once you see results from the care they receive then it feels enormously better. Unfortunately not everyone will see big changes, but I rewatch videos of them from 1-2 years ago and it’s the same brilliant little babies with big emotions and short tempers but now they’re bossing me around and playing together. They’re almost 5 now, and just seeing them make friends with EACH OTHER is a world of difference. I think we forget how isolating our situation is and we want to retreat from being around NT kids and their parents but I think focusing on seeing them happy and broadening their horizons really helped give me something else to focus on instead of my failures. We try to go to different parks, farms, museums, farmers markets playgrounds at least once a week. It’s challenging, but getting out really helps all of us as a family. I hope you’re not too hard on yourself, there’s literally nothing we can do to find answers to why we were dealt with this hand, but I hope you find relief and breaks for yourself too. I miss my babies being 18 months old, so I hope you still get to enjoy this age even when it’s hard and just stay positive. Since you don’t have a diagnosis yet I would suggest following SLPs and OTs on instagram, I feel like they saved me from going down the rabbit hole and gave me something to focus on., My 3yo was diagnosed Level 2 last week. Nothing surprising there. I first really started processing this at the beginning of the year and I'm mostly okay with it. I have little waves of sadness sometimes and it's hard to see him around NT kids not interacting, not having social speech. I think it's like anything you have to grieve. It starts out feeling overwhelming all the time but eventually as you work through the feelings, you still have the pain but you have fewer of those moments. You didn't fail your kid. He was just born this way. I can relate to that feeling, especially when my son was not receiving services. I was in despair not knowing how to help him. I am feeling better now that we have a Dx and he has started therapy. As the evaluating psychologist put it to us, "You've been not just parents, but speech therapists, OTs and more, all day every day. Now that you can get services you can drop some of that load and just enjoy your family." Feeling like it's not 100% on my shoulders all the time has helped a lot. While you are waiting on a diagnosis you can look into early intervention or other services that may be available that might help with the wait. If he is below a certain threshold he may qualify for free services through the school district. My son's autism forced me to think a lot more critically about how he sees the world and be more responsive to his unique needs. I have a truly extraordinary kid. The way his mind works just knocks my socks off sometimes. I think I am a better parent because I have had to respond to his neurodiversity. And having ADHD myself, I feel sort of validated in my own difference and want him to feel validated too. So I don't really think about this as a bad thing. It's definitely brought on a number of challenges and frustrations but it has also changed me for the better. I've even made peace with the fact that he may or may not need support for the rest of his life. It's impossible to tell at this age what the outcome will be, but I can accept whatever it is because I accept him. I think some people take a long time to get there, and you don't have to rush the process. Whatever you feel is valid. It's important to come to places like this sub because parents of NT kids often don't get it. It can feel very isolating until you've found your support people., 18 months was my personal low. That was tough. I was also waiting for diagnosis, and the early intervention we were receiving was apparently useless, and I would cry regularly and hard after every assessment and every headstart session. She seemed to be locked in developmental stasis for years, and has just recently started blooming in her way. At the moment, I’m mostly in love with this incredibly unique and loving kid (who used to not even look at me or tolerate my touch) and the process of bringing her up. I think of her as a plant in my garden that I thought was a rose when I planted it, and it’s now clear that it’s not a rose, and it was in stasis for so long I thought it was dead inside, but now it’s starting to leaf in the most interesting ways, and I’m watching it with interest to see what it will do next. It’s harder than a rose- I have to watch it closely and see where it’s needs differ from roses. But I wouldn’t take her back to the garden shop, so to speak. She’s the coolest thing in my life, and it seems to be my job to bring her up the nest I can. The challenge is always in believing that I can do that. I still have flare ups- mostly of anxiety that I’m not doing enough, or the right things, but when I see other kids and parents it doesn’t bother me like it used to. I’ve gotten a lot out of changing my perspective about what I expected from life, and I flirt with practicing zen and meditation, which helps me a lot when I do it. The perspective shift is the magic answer for me. When I’m locked up with anxiety about her and her future, I just keep cycling through panicked thoughts of how many ways this could all go wrong, and I feel like I need someone to pull me out of it, I can go into a meditation to change my way of thinking and it’s insane how well it works for me. That all., For me, it was about a year or so. I hadn’t told anyone other than my close family. I struggled because I was mourning the life I thought my child would have, while trying to accept the challenges he would face. What helped me was realising that he is my little boy first, the autism comes after. I celebrate the small wins instead of focusing on the hard days we would both have. He is so funny, Intelligent and unique and I honestly would not change anything in him for the world. Talking to other parents or this Reddit community has helped so much too remind me I’m not isolated., My son is 3.5 now and the first 2 years of his life were the hardest for me. I became obsessed with CDC milestones and despite the fact that he never met them, I still held out hope that he could "catch up". Eventually, I stopped checking milestones, knew that he was going to do things on his time, and it became a lot easier for me to enjoy parenting him. I spent his infancy trying to "fix him" and to catch him up. We did a nannyshare with a kiddo that was exactly 1 day younger than him and it was very hard to \*not\* compare him to her. Seeing her was a reminder of all the things that he should be doing. I became so engrossed with all the therapies that parenting became more of a drag than a joy. Finally, I prioritized going to therapy and my views on parenting and my relationship with my kiddo have changed so much. Here are some things that helped me: \- Not projecting my own issues onto my kid. For instance, we got him a play kitchen and I tried so hard to get him to play in the way that NT kids would play. Instead of making a smoothie the way I wanted him to, he thought it was more fun to just put all the food in and out of the container. I so badly wanted him to play like other kids and when I stopped to really look at him, he was having the TIME OF HIS LIFE! and instead of resisting how he wanted to play, I joined in, met him where he was at, and had so much fun right alongside him. \- Getting off of social media. I realized that I was more susceptible to comparing myself to others and getting off of instagram really did wonders for me and enabled me to focus more on my kid instead of other people's kids. \- Just being less rigid and letting go of this concept of typical being better. I do think that having an autistic kid has made me more compassionate, made me better able to see everyone as unique individuals all worth knowing, and honestly just made me realize there are so many different ways of living and none of them are right or wrong -- just different. Of course, i still struggle with the challenges he has, the daily grind of therapies, worrying about the future but I try my best to stay in the present which really does help. Like many others have pointed out, things just get easier in some ways and harder in others way that you can't predict since you don't have a crystal ball. Sometimes when I wish my kiddo wasn't autistic, I often tell myself...but then he wouldn't be him and I love him. All the best in your journey of acceptance!, It's a rollercoaster where the waves get longer, in my experience. I am 5 years in and still have periodic bouts of depression and anger, particularly when dealing with the school system. But sometimes just in general. I have just learned to accept those lows will always come. They are a part of life. Just like I know the highs will always come back. I don't feel like I failed my kids. In my case, with multiple kids affected, we know it's hereditary. I'm sure my husband is autistic, I think his parents are, I might be. That's the internalized stigma talking. I always knew autism is overwhelmingly genetic - I never blamed the families in my "old" life before kids. And yet when my kids were diagnosed - there are still times I feel that way. I really don't think EI and therapy helps here with the guilt on parents. Parents end up with a lot of weight and an attitude of "if you just did X, your kid would be the GOOD kind of autistic, or not autistic at all!", And sadly I see that echoed by professionals. It's no wonder then that even if parents "know" better, they internalize those negative thoughts and believe them. At 18 months old, there is so much room for growth for your son. I say this as a mother of two sons with level 3 dx's - my oldest might arguably get a level 2 diagnosis today - but a lot can happen over the years. I always indicate the diagnosis my sons have because often, parents of young kids and toddlers diagnosed at level 3 think, "your 8 year old can read and sit still and not smear poop, and my child can't do that." Well, if they could see him back then, they'd know! Hang in there., My daughter is a nonverbal adult and there are times when it all just overwhelms me. I know she is smart but the autism wraps around her so tightly it is hard for her to be in our world and it is hard for others to see HER and not the autism. But I still try to have others see her. We went to a Cinco de Mayo luncheon today and she wrote a thank you note and gave it to the person who set up the party. I am so proud of her., I still sometimes am upset about it, but we have only known of the possibility for a few months when his speech therapist mentioned it. I worried about it when he was younger, but then he starting getting 0 or 1 on the MCHAT, and I stopped. But ... Realistically, a lot of his neurodivergent traits are traits that either my husband or I have. I was hyperlexic, often prefer objects to people and don't always know how to interact outside of formal activities, didn't care about social norms until bullying made me learn how to mask, have intense special interests. If I felt I needed to pursue it and I don't, I guess I would qualify for a diagnosis. So, I do understand him well, know he is a lot like young me, and I also think he will be okay, because both my husband and I are okay. We own a house, we have good jobs, we obviously found someone to love and marry., It doesn’t go away.. at least for me it hasn’t. It gets channeled into fighting for services and learning how to help him. My son was diagnosed at 20 months old, I remember that feeling well. He’s 5 now but the early days were the most stressful. Getting him checked out and evaluated helps because then there are services and therapies he qualifies for if you get a diagnosis. But that’s also where the real fight begins. Finding the right therapies and advocating for your son’s needs., I still get upset sometimes years after being told, on bad days with him, My son is 18 months, recently diagnosed and I honestly just focus on what my son can do. I know there is a lot he can’t do, other kids surpass him but I celebrate what he can do, I make it fun for him, praise the little things. Some days are a struggle I won’t lie, because I don’t know what makes him upset without words, but we are both on this journey together. Give yourself grace, your allowed to be upset about things, it’s all new., To all the valuable comments, I would like to underline that it helps me a lot to tell myself it’s okay how I’m feeling. It doesn’t necessarily makes it more easy but your feelings are very valid and you need to make space for these feelings. Take care of your child means taking care of their parent and you deserve this validation, how hard it might be sometimes, I cried when I had the appointment with the speech therapist, and she sent in a referral for his evaluation. Took me a couple hours to get through it, but I was OK. he got his diagnosis the next month on the day of his evaluation, I was absolutely fine. My son actually just got his diagnosis April 10. He just turned 2. I’m not even worried anymore. Everyone around me tries to be sensitive about the topic but honestly at this point it doesn’t phase me. I’ve known this whole time the diagnosis just confirmed my beliefs really I think the reason why I’m so OK with it is because I know that with early intervention, he has a really really good chance of improving. As long as I get him in his therapy and participate with him, he’s going to eventually pick up whatever were teaching. Every day this little boy amazes me with the more he says I take every little win 🥲💕 I appreciate all his efforts so much and I can tell that he’s trying and he wants to learn and it just makes me want to try to help him even more and I know that as long as I am trying he’s going to be a successful as possible., That doesn't fully go away. You can choose to make peace with it or let it eat you alive. There are still times it makes me a little sad, and that's okay. We aren't superheroes just because we have special needs kids. So it's okay to take a little time here and there to be upset about it., I'm not upset anymore. Now I'm just incredibly sad and scared., I’ve realized as an NT parent that, my child’s perception of the world is normal, to them. I have to be understanding and realize that some places may sound normal to me but a loud construction zone to her. I put myself in her shoes and then do what I would want done. I learned that my child has autism, but my child also has some of my goofy personality traits. My 5yr daughter uses 3-5 word sentences and has times where she uses echolalia to communicate and in these times I will say something silly to see if she repeats it and if she does, I point out the silly thing she said and when she realizes it, we have a good laugh. I also have an Oculus VR headset that I use Google Earth on to show her in first person the places that we are planning on going to so that she can see ahead and so that she knows what to expect and we have talking points while we are en route about things she’d seen. I’d say that the pain stops once you stop fighting it and start making it a part of you as well, You are me! My son is 23 months and it’s becoming SO apparent. He has a best friend that we hang out with that is 3 weeks younger and is so so so much more advanced. His mom was complaining how sad it is that he is now able to identify “sadness” and I’m thinking my child doesn’t even say Mama…. (he’s non verbal) I try to remember, “comparison is the thief of Joy” but it’s still hard., I’m still upset and this October will be 2 years since his diagnosis although I’ve known that he was autistic at 18 months old. I’m sad and mostly scared about his future. His birthday is coming up and although I’m excited, it’s also scary that he still doesn’t have many words. This has been th hardest thing I’ve had to do. I’ve bargained with God and sometimes have stopped believing because I have no idea why we have to go through this. I wish I knew. I’ve started antidepressants and will start consistent telehealth therapy soon so I’m hoping this will help me out., I mourn the things that will never be, but I can’t say I blamed myself for his ND (multiple dx). I did however feel a ton of guilt over a genetic condition he was born with (logically ALSO not my fault) and that required me to do some solo therapy, with a therapist who specialized in parents like us. Parents with high-needs kids who never stop advocating but never get to relax either. We have to take care of our mental health. I didn’t for too many years. You’re not alone, but the guilt is a lie. We all have to remind each other of that when we are in the hole. 💛, I'm an autistic adult and have autistic kids. The very first thing you need to do is address your own internalised ablism. My ablism was so pervasive that I didn't seek diagnosis for myself or my kids until way later than I could have because I thought autism was some terrible curse. There's no denying it's a disability, but it's also a different neurotype with a lot of fascinating elements. I dislike when people talk about superpowers, but my kids have strengths and perspectives that are totally unique and very cool. I'm really proud of the work I've done to learn about autism and other kinds of neurodivergence, and my kids proudly identify as autistic. They know the things that their autistic brains make them good at, and they know the way a world built for neurotypical people makes things harder for them. The world with all its neurotypical expectations can be a hard place for us to navigate, which makes the home so so important. The home has to be the place where our children's needs are met, where they're accepted for exactly who they are. There's a huge sense of relief and pride that comes with fully exploring and understanding autism, and understanding where your own fear has come from. Yes it's hard, but your kid is your kid, and he's a very cool little person. Each autistic person is different, but my son who wasn't able to speak at 18 months now has a receptive vocab a few years beyond his age. Each of my kids have different struggles and strengths, but they're complete and beautiful humans. I'm sorry our stupid world has taught you that people like our kids are broken. I'd recommend joining some online autistic adult groups, a lot of the communities (especially for women and NB or gender diverse people) are very supportive (and if you spend more time with "normal" autistic people - not just tv tropes - you might also get a better sense of where your son's autism comes from - kooky family members can start making more sense)., Mine was diagnosed at 18 months so it has been a year now. Honestly I was doing waaay better last year. wish I would’ve started therapy then, Your feelings are understandable, but know that you didn’t fail him, he was born that way. My son is 4 and my feelings of helplessness, frustration and grief wax and wane. I have learned to appreciate the bright moments and the importance of finding people to talk to who will help., Nobody has failed anyone. I feel you, nothing about this is easy or fair but it gets better. You need to disconnect from comparing him to NT kids and that is a tall order. The only human you will ever need to compare him too is himself. All of the milestones are now irrelevant and there is no time limit anymore. My daughter will be 5 in August and I still catch myself comparing her to her age bracket every now and again. It takes effort to focus on her and her alone but it's worth it., Finding spaces that have other neurodiverse kids helped me a lot. My son has a gymnastics class for kids with special needs and it’s truly heartwarming., I said in another thread, it comes in waves for me, but I’m getting better at riding them. The waves are weaker or I’m stronger, because last year I was at the bottom of the ocean with fear and grief knowing he may always struggle. But my son is primarily happy, he’s growing, he’s amazing. So much right now is a struggle, but the waves hit more rarely and i snap out of it faster- I have a lot of family support, and I do think that helps significantly., Once he got his diagnosis, it was a relief to finally know why he is the way he is.. which turns out is a lot like me., My son got diagnosed back in September and he just got his ados testing done to start OT and ABA, plus starting preschool and in Speech therapy honestly it’s constantly overwhelming. Seeing other kids younger than him that are developmentally father it does sting, but then I see my baby smile and laugh and I’m reminded how amazing he is. It’s hard to be a parent to a special needs child because it is so overwhelming but they are also so sweet and my baby shows love for me in his own way., When i started to see that he has a brilliant mind. He thinks soooo differently to other kids and yes that creates challenges but it’s also what makes him funny, charismatic and very likely will be a huge bonus for future employment. He just needs some coaching and support day to day., You’ve gotten a lot of great answers; I just want to add that autism depending on the severity can look almost the same as a neurotypical child. There are small differences (talking too much about a special interest or intense happy hands ) but aside from that I don’t see much of a difference; just thought I’d give you my perceptive as having a child on the very mild end of the spectrum. At 18 months you still don’t know what the future will look like and you could very well end up with a child who is very mild ., I’ve known since my son was 18 months he’s now 4 and I have accepted it & embrace him for the awesome little buddy that he is. We do have days where it is hard especially when around other kids the same age but he’s so happy and it doesn’t phase him so I try to have the same attitude. (Although if I could just get him to poo in the toilet, that would be life changing 😂😂), A fear for his future might never go away, but as said before to me. It is not his future you lost. It is the your dream that you had he MIGHT have grown into. It was not going to happen the way you expected anyway. Try to get him all the support and development you can. Development does not need a diagnosis. Working on this helps me a lot to regain some of the control over my life. I still notice on the playground how he is different. I sometimes get sad if he does not fit in. But Difference is not always bad. There are some other NT kids who are worse than my kid and I would not trade mine for anything to those kids. 18month is very very young. we noticed signs around 3 yo and I could not compare my son to his 3yo self. I know he is not going to grow out of this, but he might just be someone who gets accepted for who he is (and he has the best chance if we in the family accept him), or be able to learn to fit in. You just simply don't know at this point. My wife said to my expectations on having grandkids. It is as if I wished the neighbour is going to be a doctor, and would show up on his doorstep if he already applied to university. I have no totalitarian control over how he will turn out, and what he will want to do with his life. All we can do is to meet them where they are. Love them and try to give our best so they have the best chance at a happy life. Wish you the best! This community is great. And also feel free to message me, if you have any questions ot you just feel sad., It hasn't gone away and I don't expect it to. I'm not upset that my son is autistic, per se. I'm upset that it affects him in a way that he struggles to make friends, struggles to communicate, struggles to use the toilet, and that he will struggle to get a normal curriculum education despite the fact that everyone tells me intellectually he is on par with or surpasses typical kids his age. I'm upset that he's probably going to be harassed and bullied. I'm furious with the schools. I'm furious with my state. I'm furious with Tylenol because it's what my wife was told to take while she was pregnant and research shows a significant increase in the chance your child having autism if you take tylenol. I'm furious with the baby food companies because baby food was found during the time he was eating it to have substances that increase the chances of autistic symptoms. I'm furious that I can't get money from the lawsuits to help him get more support because both groups point the finger at the other. I get upset that other people with autism or parents of people with autism tell me that I shouldn't be upset about it. If I could, I would snap my fingers and make him not autistic because his life would be much easier. I get mad that people will tell me that this means I don't love my son, when in reality he's the thing I love the most in life and I make sure every day that he knows he's loved. * To get off the rant, it's hard to have an autistic child and it stays hard. Don't let other people tell your feelings are wrong. It's OK to be upset about things, just always make sure you remember what you're really upset about and don't let it bleed through to you her things. Love your kids and make sure your kids know they are loved., When you stop making the situation about you and you make it about them., You have to learn to embrace it. Autism is not another disability it is another ability., What are your child's delay at 18 months we couldn't get or pediatrician to even hardly acknowledge our daughters delays even though she was not walking or talking at that point. But I can relate to the heart break and sadness. She is just not turning 2 years old and we are no where close to a diagnosis here in florida everyone has a wait and see attitude and the soonest appointment with a developmental pediatrician is over a year and half away, My kiddo was diagnosed a year and a half ago. I’ve felt a little better about it every day since. Some days it makes me sad, but mostly I’ve accepted things as they are., I was fortunate enough as a child to be raised around other children who were non neuro typical and children who were disabled. I've observed their symptoms, the treatments they've undergone, and their progress development over the years. Including their parents perseverance. My frustrations I would say is within the norms of raising any child. Being understanding, being able to be there for them and getting people who are involved in their life to understand my son's condition. The only goal I have towards him is to be independent; learning how to take care of himself and knowing how to ask for help. Most people before even having a child had already invested in a vision of how they'll influence them in the future; their parenting style, eating habits, the school, their social circles, their after school activities and etc. All that future expectation before the child is even born, so obviously parents feel devastated and robbed of their future when the child ends up being disabled or and non neuro typical. A child's progress is their own, even with a neuro typical child it's unhealthy to compare their progress against their own siblings or any of their peers. I recall having an incident with a so-called team of medical educational advisors at his school about how is that my 4 year old son who's diagnosed with autism yet to go to the toilet on his own. They wanted to advise me what I should be doing to help him at home. Even when I've said I've tried the advised method before and that it didn't work; they'd just say how that I've not done enough for him and be condescending by asking me have I really tried everything. I blew up. I told them, I only need them to focus on his well being at school and my home is my business not theirs. I also pointed out that comparing him against other autistic children from different spectrums is unrealistic and most importantly they're undermining his progress. That shut them up. ((If I had a redo // Them: "Did you really try everything?" I wished that I also said, "Only what's humanly possible.")) And the moral of the story is! In the future you'll be getting excited over the littlest progress and laugh about it. (My son is 5 years old now, and still doesn't go to the toilet on his own. But he's happily on the stool - for context he used to cry) that's our littlest progress. It means everything., Since we had my daughter diagnosed early at 5, I was never really upset. It was more just who she is and this is where we are now. Her difficulty interfacing with others, mostly adults (unless she’s really comfortable like us and her teachers) can be awkward and she’s not into playdates these days but other than that, she’s just unusual., When you become a militant member of the autism rights community., Also, find families with kids like yours. They will understand your specific struggles, and will give you more useful advice than parents with NT kids. Sometimes what our kids need is the opposite of the "commonsense" approach that works in other families. For example, a lot of autistic kids have very selective food preferences, they won't just "eat what they're given if they're hungry enough"., I have a 16 and a 9 year old. It’s not that I’m upset, but maybe wistful, or a little disappointed maybe when faced with big differences and issues. We are now facing the fact that my oldest may never be independent. So it can be confronting and stressful. But I don’t get upset about the differences between the kids and their peers., You didn’t fail him, it is in no way your fault. The only way you could fail him is by placing neurotypical expectations on him, if he’s happy he’s not going to be upset that he’s behind the other kids, that’s only you. My little autist is 5 now, he’s extremely happy most of the time, he’s not at all what I expected, he’s so much work but his quality of life is extremely good and that’s all a parent can hope for, When he ended up in the PICU in DKA with undiagnosed T1D. From that point on, my fear/sadness about my sons autism has taken a back seat. Way way wayyy in the back. We still help him with it of course, therapies and all, but I’m just glad my boy is still alive., Diagnosed almost 3 years ago. I can tell you it’s not gone away for me. I don’t think it ever will tbh. You have to just make the best out of your own child’s achievements at their time, otherwise you’ll be miserable; I know I was., Grief is a process that you repeat over and over but it gets more bearable as time goes on. Sometimes there’s acceptance and sometimes I slip back into denial or bargaining. My son is 14 and I’ve been doing this since he was 2. I rarely ever cry myself to sleep anymore so I can say it definitely gets better. There’s also the guilt for feeling grief in the first place!, This is true. My son is 7 now. I just processed a ton of grief and feel as though I’ve come out the other side. He’s doing things like buttoning his shirts and getting dressed on his own now. He has friends. He’s going to be alright. Knowing that, the feeling it gives is tremendous. It’s going to take longer and require more patience than a neurotypical child for sure, but he’s going to make it. My advice is to try and cut yourself some slack. (I don’t say that lightly. Difficult isn’t even close to the right word.) Try not to compare. You are going to have a different journey than most. That’s the way it is. Make it work for you and don’t give a damn what others think. Especially it they aren’t being supportive, understanding or helpful. Don’t waste calories on it. Also I’ve had to cultivate deeper levels of patience and communication within myself to attempt to deal with people who don’t understand neurodiversity. I never cared or wanted to be this type of person, I was forced to for my sanity and for being a good father to my son. BUT it’s made a better human for sure. Again, its a part of the journey. I wish you the best OP., The snack advice is great. I'm going to file that away for later., I feel triggered when we have to deal with professionals. I'm gradually learning that they may have all the qualifications but they certainly don't have all the answers., I understand but the opposite, my oldest is 6 she hit every milestone and is an Angel of a kid. She was the easiest baby. My second has autism and every single day is a struggle. It’s like we just count the minutes until bedtime every day, it’s an awful way to live., That’s about where I am. I missed my son’s baby voice, and while it makes me sad if I focus too much on it, I mostly can just marvel at how far he has come since this age., I understand you. I have a 5 year old and a 5 month old so I’ll see if my second is neurotypical so I’m not where you are, yet., Thank you so much for this. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop of motivation and self criticism. I am enjoying him, it's just fear for him and his future, along with guilt that I'm the problem. I appreciate this comment more than you could know., I think it's the speech that scares me most as he is quite affectionate to me and interested in social situations when it's not overwhelming for him, Love this comment. When did she get out of stasis and how?, I think you’re a writer ✍️ ❤️❤️❤️, Thank you so much 😊 I Know he loves me and I love him more than anything. I think that's the feeling though. The isolation of it I think is what's getting to me, Btw, you have absolutely not failed him. You are his parent, his advocate, his carer and his entire world. Even if they might not be able to express their love for us like NT kids do, they love us so much., Thank you for this post ❤️ It resonates with my experience. Quitting social media (when he was 5mo old and having cholic from helll for the first year and eventually reading news) helped a lot. Therapy also works (for me, not him)., I know this is a long post but sounds identical to my child. Why was your child diagnosed do you mind me asking ?, You are strong and resilient and I admire you for that. Please don’t be too hard on yourself., Very true. I felt largely better after an hour of just feeling all the big scary feelings with a supportive therapist. Nobody could have prepared me for the pain of fearing for my child like this., And also, once you accept that they are actually VERY happy with the small comforts that they cherish, it makes life easier. My daughter only ate like 7 or 8 things on the regular. Me and my wife compete to see who can successfully get her to try something new and we get bonus points if she likes it. The small things are big. It’s a different parenting style. You can really only compare your child to other autistic kids. We have different developmental milestones to look forward to than parents of NT kids. Some of our milestones are delayed compared to theirs, and sometimes our kids can outshine an NT person 10-15 years their senior in a random thing or subject matter, just because of the autism., You were so so right. Took me a while to be able to feel safe enough and yeah. I was soo scared of that thing i saw in myself. That difference i couldnt explain and was diagnosed with dozens of mental health issues i never had., what was your LO’s signs at 18 months?, This sounds bad, but I hope you're right. I have the tendency to think that the worst case scenario is inevitable. This is teaching me (slowly) how to stop thinking that way, Research has not shown/proven [significant increase in the chance](https://www.factcheck.org/2023/02/limited-evidence-of-a-link-between-acetaminophen-and-autism-or-adhd/) that autism is caused by acetaminophen use. I’m leaving your comment up because your frustrations are valid but it’s an oversimplified summary of the studies/lawsuits going on. These studies “do not necessarily imply a causal link, which means that there isn’t enough evidence to say that taking acetaminophen causes those behavioral or cognitive concerns.” “These studies were observational, meaning that researchers simply noted levels of acetaminophen exposure, generally based on reports from the parents in the studies. Randomized controlled trials — in which one group receives a medication or treatment and another group receives a placebo or standard care — are the gold standard for determining whether a causal relationship exists.” These lawsuits get pushed on Facebook and I think it’s important for people to have then full information before they start blaming themselves. These observational studies are not accounting for family history or the conditions that may have prompted acetaminophen use., I know that's part of the reason I blame myself is that I took Tylenol and gave him baby food that I assumed was safe. I do love him more than anything and I know that he knows that and I know that he loves me., Every single moment of our day, for the rest of our lives, is about them., This is a harmful statement for autistic people who are disabled, and dismissive for parents of disabled high support needs children. Disability is not a bad word., this isn't true and please don't tell struggling parents that. signed, an autistic parent of autistic kids, Omg I'm so sorry. I just got lucky with the pediatrician I had and I'm also a prek teacher so I pushed the iep process along at 9-12 months when he wasn't babbling or responding to his name., Early at 5? My son is 2 and I would have had him diagnosed sooner but the dr kept dragging her feet thinking he might "grow out of it" but I thought early diagnosis is at 18 months? Maybe I'm wrong., Thank you. That’s helpful to hear. My son is 4 and I’ve gone through 2 grief cycles by my count. Before those i was in denial so I’m proud I’ve made progress on acceptance. You comment helps because I had assumed that coming out of a grief cycle means strength and perspective but maybe not. I find myself facing new emotions recently - anger and also all or nothing thinking. Like I’ve lost everything. Your post is a reminder acceptance is not linear and to accept the pain when it comes vs resist. It hurts but I have my son who I love. All things are true. I appreciate your post., I swear to everything, I would trade a year off my life if I knew my 5 y/o lvl 2 child would be able to make, and retain just a few friends throughout his life. Its without a doubt my main worry., I understand how you feel. Nothing is ever guaranteed with their future and I genuinely have no idea what to expect even going into kindergarten, but one thing at a time. You will never be the problem, but you can always be part of the solution by being who they need by just being there. I’m not perfect, I lose it all the time, but I try to always to make it my problem not theirs. Their SLP put it best, she told me “you don’t know what you don’t know” and that made so much sense to me. I didn’t know what progress looked like, I didn’t know what was possible for them and now at this point I know that anything is possible if you just stick to it. You got this!, My son is highly verbal, but he has no social speech, which can be a bit disconcerting as he can say complete sentences but not respond "Yes" or initiate/carry a basic conversation. One thing I had to learn is that there are a lot of ways for people to communicate beyond spoken language. While I do really want to have a conversation with my son, talking isn't for everyone, and there are other means of communication, from signing to AAC that people use to communicate every day. So even if he never learns social speech, that doesn't mean I'll never get to talk to him. My son is also highly affectionate and I'm grateful for that., Sorry, we’ve had a very tantrum-y day, actually, which is kind of funny. I’ve seen the biggest jump in the last few months, post January. I’m sure there have been other leaps, but not like this. She turned four, and she’s suddenly started making a lot of intentional eye contact with us and requesting for help, for which she approximates “guapo,” and regularly requesting both attention from us and requesting favored food items, even bringing me items of interest, none of which she had ever done before. (She said, “cracker,” for instance, a few times one week when she was about two, and then never again. That felt really hopeless.) Now her skills seem to be generally stable and getting more refined, and we spend a lot of time joking and laughing, I don’t always know wtf we’re laughing at, but it’s definitely shared laughter and it’s pretty joyful. So after anticipating every possible need and want for the last four years, that all feels like coming out of stasis. As far as how it happened, for a long time we just really worked hard to make her feel safe and loved. That was one thing I knew how to do, and for a long time the only thing I felt that I knew how to do, so I leant into that. She was a pretty healthy eater until 2 and a half or so, and I cooked her healthy food and tried to keep her mostly away from junk food. Eventually I had to cave and get her chicken nuggets and store bought bread and stuff, or she just wouldn’t eat, but she’s coming back around to eating the family meals at least in part, just in time because I can’t afford packaged food for her any more. I don’t know to what extent that helps her, but I have heard enough about how the gut and the brain are connected that I’m interested in her being a reasonably healthy eater, even if it’s only for her physical health. Blah blah blah, enough about that, but it was a big focus, so I thought I should mention it. I took her to speech therapy out of pocket for about one time a month for maybe six or seven months. It was useful, but repetitive. It became really taxing on our finances and at the same time, insurance came through for ABA, which was supposedly going to focus on speech goals anyway. We got some resources from the speech therapist and took the completely covered 6 hours/week of ABA. The RBT we were assigned was so lovely and quickly won my daughter over and she started learning how to do basic things like sit on a chair and focus on some shared play. A year later that RBT moved and she got assigned another one who really pushed my daughter, but also knew when to back off. Her language really started developing at that point, and we started hearing words in the right context and regularly. She’s also been going to a special needs preschool for a year. She gets to ride the bus and she loves it. If I had the resources, I’d put her in as many therapies as seemed to help her! And I’ve had a lot of anxiety about not doing enough, 6-8 hours of ABA not being enough. I have a bookshelf of curated reads I’ve never read, recommended from folks I really trust. I hope to start getting to them, but I haven’t had the bandwidth for it up to now. That’s probably plenty, if not too much info on what we did, and of course she’s only four, but my outlook has changed, and those are the key things that helped us. Maybe I’ll try and do a quick reply about the internal process that helped me reconceptualize the situation. It’s pretty simple. You can of course disregard if it’s not for you., That’s a kind thing to say, I appreciate it, The isolation is hard, because as much as my friends with NT children can sympathise, they really have no idea how hard it can be. I’ve had to tell them that imagine your child on their worst day, that is my son most days. If you’re ever feeling isolated come to this thread, I promise you you are not alone and you sound like an amazing parent who cares so much for her baby 😊, He had gross motor, fine motor, and speech delays so after a ton of genetic testing that didn’t turn anything up, our neurologist suggested an autism assessment. He was given a provisional autism diagnosis and our psychologist told us that she could make cases for both why he could be or couldn’t be autistic. As he has gotten older, it’s become easier to see why he was diagnosed. The main things being: - Social communication is challenging for him. Things that come natural to other kids his age are things he’s had to learn with a lot of practice. For a very long time, he preferred to play alone or with adults. He would also do a lot or “hand leading” where he’d grab your hand and point at what he wanted. - Hyper-fixation on certain interests. He’s obsessed with the alphabet, numbers, shapes, and colors. Over the last 9 month, that’s really all he wanted to play with and he would cry profusely if he couldn’t play with his preferred toys and became very rigid with it. - Motor planning is really hard for him. - He has a few intense sensory issues like getting hair cuts. Seemingly easy things for other kids are really big challenges for him like waiting in line. He has a huge restlessness to him where his body can’t sit still. He also loves spinning around to get dizzy. I think the biggest thing for us is that he just feels inherently different from other kids. It’s hard for me to bucket it into a list of concrete things he does. I just look around at other kids and know that his brain works differently. From a young age, we always felt like he was in his own world and endearingly call him our space cadet. While I would say that our behavior issues are limited and the biggest challenge we’re facing is helping him forge social connections, he still has this underlying rigidity to him that requires us to do a lot of “first we do this, then this” or “this will be the last song you listen to today before we have dinner” so he can properly prepare. To be honest, there are definitely days where my partner and I are both like “is he autistic?” And then a lot of days where we say “he is definitely autistic!”. The spectrum is just so large and manifests in so many different ways. Now I just land on him being him and zoning in on what he needs help with and how I can help him., Congratulations, and welcome to the club!! I was in exactly the same position, wondering why the normal medicines and normal therapies did nothing at best, and normally made me feel worse. In hindsight it’s so obvious that my whole fam are autistic. But it was only obvious once I’d learnt what being autistic actually meant. I’m pretty good at spotting our own kind in the wild, and I’m very confident we’re far more than 5% of the community., All the classic signs you would think of., We've contacted lawyers involving the suit and researched it. What was shown was that mothers who used tylenol while pregnant had children who were diagnosed with autism at much more significant rates than those who did not. It would be highly unethical to use the "gold standard" that your post refers to. There's a clear link between acetaminophen and autism. It's not proving that acetaminophen causes it, but the data would suggest that it can be a significant contributing factor., the Tylenol thing is honestly probably not a real cause. i'm autistic with an autistic parent and autistic kids and my grandma probably WOULD have been diagnosed if it had been a Thing when she was younger, before she passed away. two of mine were non-verbal at 18 months and now talk all the time. i'm not saying that'll be you, but two things i do suggest are to get into therapy and to befriend autistic adults. at 18 months a lot of this is catastrophizing and i think it's a valid knee jerk reaction but it's really important to not stay there and to learn to not compare. it IS a disability and it IS actual special needs-- i don't think a lot of NT people with NT kids will get it-- but it's also possible to learn how to not feel self-blame and grief all the time and you owe yourself that as much as your kid 💜, My son has level 2 autism and was diagnosed ADHD and he can count backwards by 9s. He's only 6. Although every kid is different., I’m not even sure if there’s an early in childhood unless it was intentionally ignored early on. For example, it was our child’s great teachers that had a meeting with us and advised getting an official evaluation. Otherwise, she’s not too obvious. It’s related to learning issues in school and some interfacing with others. Now she’s on a school that has all the resource baked in, nothing we could ever afford without an official evaluation., You said it! just to have that peace of mind that he’ll be alright, and not worry for the next decade or two if he’ll be able to find a place in the world., [deleted], Thanks so much for this post I really appreciate it, What is his imaginary play like ? Good sleeper ?, You've gotta account for why that population was taking an anti-inflammatory. The inflammation was more likely to negatively affect the child in utero. I was scared out of acetaminophen use and vaccines by people talking just like you. Guess what? Autism. So not only is he autistic, but behind on his vaccination schedule because of disinformation-spreaders., I agree that there will never be a study done with pregnant women to prove causation (which absolutely would be unethical), that is also part of what makes it so tough to conclude what contributing factors are., I am in therapy and have spoken to autistic adults, though honestly not a lot because you can't just walk up to people on the street and ask if they have autism 😂. But yeah honestly I feel you. Truthfully I know that though no one's been diagnosed, my husband and brother both didn't speak until they were 4, can I ask what symptoms your son has?, There are a lot of ABILITIES that come with autism but a lot of actual disabilities, too-- it's really frustrating to have the actual disability part of it dismissed because of strengths. The strengths are great! But the disability parts that make navigating a neurotypical world can legit suck and they are legitimate struggles a lot of people don't have to deal with. That's AWESOME for your son! I'm always for celebrating strengths and I really don't like the mindset that "hates" autism or can't see anything good about it. I love that my oldest two taught themselves to read, I love that one of my middle kids is so fast at mental math. I want to celebrate those. But the poor body awareness, issues with change, difficulty with social conversations, sensory discomfort with hygiene routines, and more mean we deal with daily challenges other people don't always see or don't understand. It's actually a disability in those ways., Yes. Tbh, I’d probably give even more. Just really difficult at the moment., Nice! Congrats to you guys!, Good! 💜 I'd keep your eyes open and keep looking for connections. It's hard but it's worth it to find some people who "get" your kid, and might give you some hope for the future. And if that's true for your husband and his brother that's a STRONG genetic precedence. It's really not your fault your kid's brain is different. My uncle didn't speak until 4 and he's an engineer now-- some kids speak and then go non-verbal as they age. I completely get the fear and the guilt and I'm glad you can talk about them, but it also can get better., which one? i have six kids on the spectrum 😂 if you want a thorough answer i can give symptoms for each of them!, wow!! 6 kids! Hats off to you ! Meh, go for it. I’m in a reading mood!

When did your child start to speak?

My (f22) toddler just turned three on January 30th. She was diagnosed as level two last May. When she was about 15 months old, she began to talk, and was saying “grandpa” and also “doggy.” Shortly after, she lost all form of verbal communication and hasn’t said a single word since then besides repeating me when she was playing with a hat. she said “it’s a hat!” and that was it, it sounded very jumbled together and barely cohesive. As she just turned three, as of yesterday she is starting to eat with a fork, she is stimming tons, vocally, but its mostly humming and it’s always been this way. However her stimming yesterday turned from humming into “yeahhh” I understand this wasn’t intentional but shes been saying this a lot in the last 24 hours. My question is, when did your autistic toddlers begin to talk? My toddler is currently in ABA therapy and has a speech evaluation on the 26th. I would also like to preface this by saying I love her so much, I am so supportive and celebratory over every single thing she does and that will never change. I however, as her mother, miss her tiny voice and I would love to hear more of it. I suppose I am looking for your guys personal experiences, and any words of encouragement.

Single words at three and change. Conversational at 6, after a LOT of ST., My 16 year old’s first words were at 4.5. He didn’t even babble before that. First words that weren’t echolalia came at 6.5. Conversational around 9-9.5., Unfortunately, never. Almost 11. I no longer expect it., A little bit after 3, largely scripting/echolalia and labeling. At 4 there was obviously a major language explosion. 4-4.5 has been HUGE for language, even though we haven’t managed to get into speech ANYWHERE yet even with multiple referrals. Shes still very scripty but is starting to use them functionally and build her own phrases., My freshly 4 year old yelled “School bus, hurry!” This morning while waiting for the bus. I damn near passed out., she spoke from 8m to 14m, then absolutely nothing until 2.5. now she’s semi verbal at almost 3.5, and is working on (limited) simple back and forth conversation type interactions., A little after 3. He won't stop now. Lol, 2.5 single words, sometimes two together. At 3.5 now still lots of jargon (but he’s a GLP so it sounds conversational and the tone is appropriate) but he speaks more frequently now, we’re getting new words every week, and he can answer back “yes” and “No” a few times back and forth in conversation. Definitely still behind but getting there. When my husband went to pick him up from daycare the other day he screamed MY DADDY!!! And the teachers melted., Odd word approximation here and there I could count them on my hands at age 3-4 but from 4.5 onward it’s like an explosion has happened which started with him singing..not just talking but singing “Elmo’s song” the full lyrics! We are on our way there he was diagnosed NV at age 2. Every single week at speech he has his therapist and are truly amazed! My son said mom and dad at around 2 then it all stopped. Now a month away from 5 we are working at sentences., Before turning 3, me and my wife worked hard on his first functional communication for getting down from his high chair, which was saying down. It look alot of time each day but he was able to make the association, it was also difficult cause we pushed him hard. He also did humming which I think turned into echolalia. He is currently 4 and can say some additional words but he does not converse, but is like parrot and spends a lot of time singing and labeling. I hope she can find her words., That gives me hope. My asd son is 5 and still non conversational, I have a lvl3 AuDHD 7 year old son and I really hope by 10 we can have a good conversation. Right now it’s mostly “mimics” and some gestalt phrases but we do understand each other, most days lol, Same, 4 almost 5. I hate when people ask me how old he is because of his speech. Ugh, Yeah, ours wasn't much in the way of conversation in kindergarten..., Single words at three and change. Conversational at 6, after a LOT of ST., My 16 year old’s first words were at 4.5. He didn’t even babble before that. First words that weren’t echolalia came at 6.5. Conversational around 9-9.5., Unfortunately, never. Almost 11. I no longer expect it., A little bit after 3, largely scripting/echolalia and labeling. At 4 there was obviously a major language explosion. 4-4.5 has been HUGE for language, even though we haven’t managed to get into speech ANYWHERE yet even with multiple referrals. Shes still very scripty but is starting to use them functionally and build her own phrases., My freshly 4 year old yelled “School bus, hurry!” This morning while waiting for the bus. I damn near passed out., she spoke from 8m to 14m, then absolutely nothing until 2.5. now she’s semi verbal at almost 3.5, and is working on (limited) simple back and forth conversation type interactions., A little after 3. He won't stop now. Lol, 2.5 single words, sometimes two together. At 3.5 now still lots of jargon (but he’s a GLP so it sounds conversational and the tone is appropriate) but he speaks more frequently now, we’re getting new words every week, and he can answer back “yes” and “No” a few times back and forth in conversation. Definitely still behind but getting there. When my husband went to pick him up from daycare the other day he screamed MY DADDY!!! And the teachers melted., Odd word approximation here and there I could count them on my hands at age 3-4 but from 4.5 onward it’s like an explosion has happened which started with him singing..not just talking but singing “Elmo’s song” the full lyrics! We are on our way there he was diagnosed NV at age 2. Every single week at speech he has his therapist and are truly amazed! My son said mom and dad at around 2 then it all stopped. Now a month away from 5 we are working at sentences., Before turning 3, me and my wife worked hard on his first functional communication for getting down from his high chair, which was saying down. It look alot of time each day but he was able to make the association, it was also difficult cause we pushed him hard. He also did humming which I think turned into echolalia. He is currently 4 and can say some additional words but he does not converse, but is like parrot and spends a lot of time singing and labeling. I hope she can find her words., That gives me hope. My asd son is 5 and still non conversational, I have a lvl3 AuDHD 7 year old son and I really hope by 10 we can have a good conversation. Right now it’s mostly “mimics” and some gestalt phrases but we do understand each other, most days lol, Same, 4 almost 5. I hate when people ask me how old he is because of his speech. Ugh, Yeah, ours wasn't much in the way of conversation in kindergarten..., Single words at three and change. Conversational at 6, after a LOT of ST., My 16 year old’s first words were at 4.5. He didn’t even babble before that. First words that weren’t echolalia came at 6.5. Conversational around 9-9.5., Unfortunately, never. Almost 11. I no longer expect it., A little bit after 3, largely scripting/echolalia and labeling. At 4 there was obviously a major language explosion. 4-4.5 has been HUGE for language, even though we haven’t managed to get into speech ANYWHERE yet even with multiple referrals. Shes still very scripty but is starting to use them functionally and build her own phrases., My freshly 4 year old yelled “School bus, hurry!” This morning while waiting for the bus. I damn near passed out., she spoke from 8m to 14m, then absolutely nothing until 2.5. now she’s semi verbal at almost 3.5, and is working on (limited) simple back and forth conversation type interactions., A little after 3. He won't stop now. Lol, 2.5 single words, sometimes two together. At 3.5 now still lots of jargon (but he’s a GLP so it sounds conversational and the tone is appropriate) but he speaks more frequently now, we’re getting new words every week, and he can answer back “yes” and “No” a few times back and forth in conversation. Definitely still behind but getting there. When my husband went to pick him up from daycare the other day he screamed MY DADDY!!! And the teachers melted., Odd word approximation here and there I could count them on my hands at age 3-4 but from 4.5 onward it’s like an explosion has happened which started with him singing..not just talking but singing “Elmo’s song” the full lyrics! We are on our way there he was diagnosed NV at age 2. Every single week at speech he has his therapist and are truly amazed! My son said mom and dad at around 2 then it all stopped. Now a month away from 5 we are working at sentences., Before turning 3, me and my wife worked hard on his first functional communication for getting down from his high chair, which was saying down. It look alot of time each day but he was able to make the association, it was also difficult cause we pushed him hard. He also did humming which I think turned into echolalia. He is currently 4 and can say some additional words but he does not converse, but is like parrot and spends a lot of time singing and labeling. I hope she can find her words., That gives me hope. My asd son is 5 and still non conversational, I have a lvl3 AuDHD 7 year old son and I really hope by 10 we can have a good conversation. Right now it’s mostly “mimics” and some gestalt phrases but we do understand each other, most days lol, Same, 4 almost 5. I hate when people ask me how old he is because of his speech. Ugh, Yeah, ours wasn't much in the way of conversation in kindergarten..., Single words at three and change. Conversational at 6, after a LOT of ST., My 16 year old’s first words were at 4.5. He didn’t even babble before that. First words that weren’t echolalia came at 6.5. Conversational around 9-9.5., Unfortunately, never. Almost 11. I no longer expect it., A little bit after 3, largely scripting/echolalia and labeling. At 4 there was obviously a major language explosion. 4-4.5 has been HUGE for language, even though we haven’t managed to get into speech ANYWHERE yet even with multiple referrals. Shes still very scripty but is starting to use them functionally and build her own phrases., My freshly 4 year old yelled “School bus, hurry!” This morning while waiting for the bus. I damn near passed out., she spoke from 8m to 14m, then absolutely nothing until 2.5. now she’s semi verbal at almost 3.5, and is working on (limited) simple back and forth conversation type interactions., A little after 3. He won't stop now. Lol, 2.5 single words, sometimes two together. At 3.5 now still lots of jargon (but he’s a GLP so it sounds conversational and the tone is appropriate) but he speaks more frequently now, we’re getting new words every week, and he can answer back “yes” and “No” a few times back and forth in conversation. Definitely still behind but getting there. When my husband went to pick him up from daycare the other day he screamed MY DADDY!!! And the teachers melted., Odd word approximation here and there I could count them on my hands at age 3-4 but from 4.5 onward it’s like an explosion has happened which started with him singing..not just talking but singing “Elmo’s song” the full lyrics! We are on our way there he was diagnosed NV at age 2. Every single week at speech he has his therapist and are truly amazed! My son said mom and dad at around 2 then it all stopped. Now a month away from 5 we are working at sentences., Before turning 3, me and my wife worked hard on his first functional communication for getting down from his high chair, which was saying down. It look alot of time each day but he was able to make the association, it was also difficult cause we pushed him hard. He also did humming which I think turned into echolalia. He is currently 4 and can say some additional words but he does not converse, but is like parrot and spends a lot of time singing and labeling. I hope she can find her words., That gives me hope. My asd son is 5 and still non conversational, I have a lvl3 AuDHD 7 year old son and I really hope by 10 we can have a good conversation. Right now it’s mostly “mimics” and some gestalt phrases but we do understand each other, most days lol, Same, 4 almost 5. I hate when people ask me how old he is because of his speech. Ugh, Yeah, ours wasn't much in the way of conversation in kindergarten...

When is it shyness and when is it asd?

I’m currently at home missing a good friend’s birthday. I haven’t seen them in over ten years. The birthday was a get together with other families only one of which my teen knew. My teen started freaking out two hours before leaving that they wouldn’t know anyone and they just want to be in their room so my husband left with my other kid to stay at a hotel (it’s tomorrow). My other kid left crying with my partner because they just wanted us all to be together. I’m devastated but I know it’s not my teens fault but I still feel resentment creeping which I really don’t like and try to just breathe through it. I always have to end up cancelling anything my teen doesn’t want to do which I get I know it’s hard for them. My teen doesn’t like any changes of plan, melts down if they weren’t given enough notice of what’s happening or there’s any mess in the house, stims chews things, hair twirling, picking out eyebrows. Finds peer social situations exhausting has said she tried to copy behaviour of other people and finds social interactions intensely stressful. She’s invited friends over and then just sits there reading a book or will say I’m to tired can you go home now. I have taken her to a psych who just says it’s anxiety but when does anxiety and shyness cross the line into something else? I’m also neurodivergent and I knew going to this thing would be hard for me also this weekend but I worked myself into it we also have our own apartment to go back to during the party for breathers. However I got so deregulated after my teens meltdown down I was like “I can’t do this anymore because I don’t know if I am going to get there and freak out from sensory overload” but I felt really sad because I did want to try. It’s the reason why I cancel most things as I can’t regulate my nervous system and my teens at the same time. I feel really bad that I can’t support them in that way. I’m just looking for advice does this sound like normal teen behaviour? Sorry this post is written very poorly.

Could she not stay at the hotel why y’all went to the party? Or could she have stayed with a family member (or had them stay with her)? My son is almost 15 and is definitely less interested in going places with us, though he usually will, for now. But of course there are limits - he’ll usually want to know how much longer we’re going to be, etc. If she can’t stay home alone, and I can understand why that might be, I’d try to plan in the future to leave her with someone and not ruin your own plans., The way you describe it makes me think Autism. But I'm not a professional, and for the record I don't have kids yet. But for me growing up with Autism it was the same thing. Even to this day, and I'm almost 30. Large groups always freaked me out, sudden changes of plans etc etc. Mom can't just drop by my house unannounced without me going into some panic. And I often need to know specifics for things like outings, phone calls and more. Often growing up, to not cause my parents stress if I knew something would lead to a meltdown, I would just opt to stay home myself where I could. Or at the hotel room. Let them go and do the stuff they were excited for, and I could get some quiet away from everyone. We started to do that when I was around 15? I think., [deleted], It sounds like autism is likely, but severe anxiety disorders, especially social anxiety, can be quite similar. Your only certain answer is a diagnosis, but no matter what it is your child needs support. People sometimes assume it's "just anxiety", so it isn't a big deal, but anxiety can be crippling. Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder and leads to people to be completely unable to talk in certain situations. Panic disorder makes you feel like you're dying. Anxiety can be bad enough to prevent someone from leaving the house, making friends, being able to handle anything new at all, even without autism. Which supports is your teen currently getting? Is she in therapy? Does she take anxiety medication? Both of those things would likely be helpful wether it's "just" anxiety or autism as well, and a therapist can help with a referral for and the process of an autism diagnosis as well., Anxiety can be crippling. There’s “just anxiety” (occasional, situational) and then there’s this level of anxiety. Not all anxiety is ASD. It can mimic some aspects of ASD. It can require some of the same support services, including an IEP if needed. There are therapists who specialize in teens with anxiety disorders. How is it affecting other areas of her life? Is she functioning well in school and other social situations?, I would Google "autism in girls" with her and see what resonates with her. What you described does sound like autism., Thanks yes I think we do need a second opinion. We had a chat and it seems like there was a lot of masking going on in the psych appointment., They went to a psych but they won’t talk about anything and basically said she just tells the psych what they want to hear. I’m trying to find a different therapist one but kid/teen psychs in the area aren’t taking anymore clients unfortunately., Could she not stay at the hotel why y’all went to the party? Or could she have stayed with a family member (or had them stay with her)? My son is almost 15 and is definitely less interested in going places with us, though he usually will, for now. But of course there are limits - he’ll usually want to know how much longer we’re going to be, etc. If she can’t stay home alone, and I can understand why that might be, I’d try to plan in the future to leave her with someone and not ruin your own plans., The way you describe it makes me think Autism. But I'm not a professional, and for the record I don't have kids yet. But for me growing up with Autism it was the same thing. Even to this day, and I'm almost 30. Large groups always freaked me out, sudden changes of plans etc etc. Mom can't just drop by my house unannounced without me going into some panic. And I often need to know specifics for things like outings, phone calls and more. Often growing up, to not cause my parents stress if I knew something would lead to a meltdown, I would just opt to stay home myself where I could. Or at the hotel room. Let them go and do the stuff they were excited for, and I could get some quiet away from everyone. We started to do that when I was around 15? I think., [deleted], It sounds like autism is likely, but severe anxiety disorders, especially social anxiety, can be quite similar. Your only certain answer is a diagnosis, but no matter what it is your child needs support. People sometimes assume it's "just anxiety", so it isn't a big deal, but anxiety can be crippling. Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder and leads to people to be completely unable to talk in certain situations. Panic disorder makes you feel like you're dying. Anxiety can be bad enough to prevent someone from leaving the house, making friends, being able to handle anything new at all, even without autism. Which supports is your teen currently getting? Is she in therapy? Does she take anxiety medication? Both of those things would likely be helpful wether it's "just" anxiety or autism as well, and a therapist can help with a referral for and the process of an autism diagnosis as well., Anxiety can be crippling. There’s “just anxiety” (occasional, situational) and then there’s this level of anxiety. Not all anxiety is ASD. It can mimic some aspects of ASD. It can require some of the same support services, including an IEP if needed. There are therapists who specialize in teens with anxiety disorders. How is it affecting other areas of her life? Is she functioning well in school and other social situations?, I would Google "autism in girls" with her and see what resonates with her. What you described does sound like autism., Thanks yes I think we do need a second opinion. We had a chat and it seems like there was a lot of masking going on in the psych appointment., They went to a psych but they won’t talk about anything and basically said she just tells the psych what they want to hear. I’m trying to find a different therapist one but kid/teen psychs in the area aren’t taking anymore clients unfortunately., Could she not stay at the hotel why y’all went to the party? Or could she have stayed with a family member (or had them stay with her)? My son is almost 15 and is definitely less interested in going places with us, though he usually will, for now. But of course there are limits - he’ll usually want to know how much longer we’re going to be, etc. If she can’t stay home alone, and I can understand why that might be, I’d try to plan in the future to leave her with someone and not ruin your own plans., The way you describe it makes me think Autism. But I'm not a professional, and for the record I don't have kids yet. But for me growing up with Autism it was the same thing. Even to this day, and I'm almost 30. Large groups always freaked me out, sudden changes of plans etc etc. Mom can't just drop by my house unannounced without me going into some panic. And I often need to know specifics for things like outings, phone calls and more. Often growing up, to not cause my parents stress if I knew something would lead to a meltdown, I would just opt to stay home myself where I could. Or at the hotel room. Let them go and do the stuff they were excited for, and I could get some quiet away from everyone. We started to do that when I was around 15? I think., [deleted], It sounds like autism is likely, but severe anxiety disorders, especially social anxiety, can be quite similar. Your only certain answer is a diagnosis, but no matter what it is your child needs support. People sometimes assume it's "just anxiety", so it isn't a big deal, but anxiety can be crippling. Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder and leads to people to be completely unable to talk in certain situations. Panic disorder makes you feel like you're dying. Anxiety can be bad enough to prevent someone from leaving the house, making friends, being able to handle anything new at all, even without autism. Which supports is your teen currently getting? Is she in therapy? Does she take anxiety medication? Both of those things would likely be helpful wether it's "just" anxiety or autism as well, and a therapist can help with a referral for and the process of an autism diagnosis as well., Anxiety can be crippling. There’s “just anxiety” (occasional, situational) and then there’s this level of anxiety. Not all anxiety is ASD. It can mimic some aspects of ASD. It can require some of the same support services, including an IEP if needed. There are therapists who specialize in teens with anxiety disorders. How is it affecting other areas of her life? Is she functioning well in school and other social situations?, I would Google "autism in girls" with her and see what resonates with her. What you described does sound like autism., Thanks yes I think we do need a second opinion. We had a chat and it seems like there was a lot of masking going on in the psych appointment., They went to a psych but they won’t talk about anything and basically said she just tells the psych what they want to hear. I’m trying to find a different therapist one but kid/teen psychs in the area aren’t taking anymore clients unfortunately., Could she not stay at the hotel why y’all went to the party? Or could she have stayed with a family member (or had them stay with her)? My son is almost 15 and is definitely less interested in going places with us, though he usually will, for now. But of course there are limits - he’ll usually want to know how much longer we’re going to be, etc. If she can’t stay home alone, and I can understand why that might be, I’d try to plan in the future to leave her with someone and not ruin your own plans., The way you describe it makes me think Autism. But I'm not a professional, and for the record I don't have kids yet. But for me growing up with Autism it was the same thing. Even to this day, and I'm almost 30. Large groups always freaked me out, sudden changes of plans etc etc. Mom can't just drop by my house unannounced without me going into some panic. And I often need to know specifics for things like outings, phone calls and more. Often growing up, to not cause my parents stress if I knew something would lead to a meltdown, I would just opt to stay home myself where I could. Or at the hotel room. Let them go and do the stuff they were excited for, and I could get some quiet away from everyone. We started to do that when I was around 15? I think., [deleted], It sounds like autism is likely, but severe anxiety disorders, especially social anxiety, can be quite similar. Your only certain answer is a diagnosis, but no matter what it is your child needs support. People sometimes assume it's "just anxiety", so it isn't a big deal, but anxiety can be crippling. Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder and leads to people to be completely unable to talk in certain situations. Panic disorder makes you feel like you're dying. Anxiety can be bad enough to prevent someone from leaving the house, making friends, being able to handle anything new at all, even without autism. Which supports is your teen currently getting? Is she in therapy? Does she take anxiety medication? Both of those things would likely be helpful wether it's "just" anxiety or autism as well, and a therapist can help with a referral for and the process of an autism diagnosis as well., Anxiety can be crippling. There’s “just anxiety” (occasional, situational) and then there’s this level of anxiety. Not all anxiety is ASD. It can mimic some aspects of ASD. It can require some of the same support services, including an IEP if needed. There are therapists who specialize in teens with anxiety disorders. How is it affecting other areas of her life? Is she functioning well in school and other social situations?, I would Google "autism in girls" with her and see what resonates with her. What you described does sound like autism., Thanks yes I think we do need a second opinion. We had a chat and it seems like there was a lot of masking going on in the psych appointment., They went to a psych but they won’t talk about anything and basically said she just tells the psych what they want to hear. I’m trying to find a different therapist one but kid/teen psychs in the area aren’t taking anymore clients unfortunately.

When it’s never going to get better

Found out my toddler’s ASD is caused by a super-rare genetic condition that causes profound intellectual disability and seizures that cause regression. Unless some medical cure becomes available, there is little hope of gaining and maintaining new skills. They are likely to remain young toddler level at best forever. Normal lifespan though so this is a life sentence for the whole family. All the therapy feels pointless. I used to take so much solace in stories of kids who were nonverbal as toddlers and went on to make big gains. But now it seems I can’t even hope for things like self-feeding and toilet training. And all the cool programs for disabled adults seem to be for people who function with only mild to moderate disabilities, not people who need total care. It really feels like there is zero hope and we’re doomed to live on the margins of society forever.

Man, I was exactly where you are right now a few years back. It’s rough. My daughter also has a super rare genetic condition but it was passed off for years as her being ‘just autistic’ (other people’s words, not mine). My daughter’s 8 now - and it’s a lot. I know that her skills aren’t really going to improve, she’s non verbal, she still hasn’t learned the whole going to the toilet thing, it’s a lot. And god, I know what you mean about the program things - every single thing I read about or see is targeted towards a completely different person. My daughter doesn’t just need help making dinner, she needs help physically swallowing it, my daughter doesn’t need a reminder to get dressed, she needs me to physically do it for her. I get it mate. I know it’s a lot, it’s a lot knowing that things can improve for lots of people, but not necessarily for us. I know I’m not much help, but genuinely feel free to rant to me anytime. I get it., I pray you get access to substantial respite care, and that you find ways to nurture the other aspects of your life and refresh your spirits. I pray that science is able to help your child more than we can imagine. Keep coming here, keep speaking up about your experiences and your child's! The condition itself may be rare, but there are many other families living with this same level of severity and disability; many of them also come here for support. The voices of those with the greatest support needs are at risk of being drown out by those with lower support needs because people want to have hope, people tend to listen to and upvote what they want to hear. Those of us who aren't sure what to expect for our children's futures need to listen to families who experience all levels of support needs., Sending hugs and empathy, also wanted to share that I have a cousin who is autistic and profoundly disabled, he is an adult in his mid 20s and has never spoken, never potty trained, but he’s actually now starting to learn to feed himself at an amazing group home he’s been at for years. It’s completely paid for by Medicaid (even if the parents aren’t low income enough to qualify, they base it on the disabled individual’s income once they’re 18 and his is zero). I see his mom posting photos all the time of field trips the group home takes them on, sometimes she goes too, they go to the zoo and she has photos of him smiling ear to ear while watching the animals. They go swimming which he clearly loves. He requires 24/7 care and he looks well fed, healthy and happy. I know his mom had some rough years but she seems at peace now with him being in such a great home. She has one other son who got married and is happy and living a pretty typical life. He loves his brother and visits him too. I hope all the best for your family., I’m really sorry. Make sure you give yourself grace and time to mourn the life and progress you thought you might get. Hugs., The margins of society really aren't that bad. It can be very liberating if you let it. You can let it drive you crazy or you can make the best of it. Once I accepted that no matter what I did, what I had, how nice I was everyone who met me, even if just for a split second, thought "Thank God that's not my kid" I was able to give up on that single fuck I gave. Give zero fucks, be exactly who you are, and have fun. What does any of it really matter anyway. No friends to have a birthday party, no problem we get a bounce house to ourselves, other moms won't talk to you because your kid is different well jokes on them because that perfect life they imagine for their kid likely isn't going to happen either. Embrace reality and make the best of it. I promise, it's not as bad as it seems., My daughter is the same, but 11, nonverbal, incontinent. I felt this and therapy didn’t change my perspective. Vaping delta 8 has lol, when my mind wants to make me suffer about the future or the past I vape a few puffs and go to the dog park, because at least my daughter can’t run away there and I won’t have to chase. Summers I make sure to swim every chance we get, and when cooler weather hits we go bike riding (she has a big ol bike trailer from WIKE she rides in). Your brain wants you to focus and dwell on the reality of your lifelong struggle, but DON’T ya just CAN’T think about lifelong. Ya have to think about today and be very in the now about what choices you can make, what can you control? Cuz ya can’t control the future, you can’t control the reality of your situation, but you can make it BETTER daily. There’s no point in thinking in circles about what you can do to “fix” the situation, I spent years in that cycle of thinking and it wore me down. It’s hard to accept that it takes years to realize it’s life and it’s gonna be okay because at least we can go on a walk! At least we can enjoy a swim! At least we can do a bike ride! Also, buy some noise cancelling head phones, you can care for your child but not have to take the years of screams on your eardrums, wish someone would have told me that when I was where you’re at in life. This “life sentence” is all about mental strength, control your thoughts, they’re sometimes your greatest enemy. Shut it out and get outside, take a wireless speaker w music for you both to enjoy, or throw on the headphones if the kiddo’s not into it. In the end it’s best to get out in that sunshine, or clouds whatever, than it is to sit at home for another second letting your brain tell you to just give up. SILENCIO BRUNO!! It’s going to get better when your negative perception is let go, if even for a few hours, it comes back, push it away and you’ll get better and better at controlling those thoughts. It’s hard though, very hard, cuz it’s not just thoughts, it is reality. You have to choose happiness, you have to choose what little freedoms there are in moments like the dog park visits, and you have to be grateful there’s at least that. You can walk! You can talk! They can’t, you will be strong for you both, because you’re a strong ass human being working your mental muscles starting NOW. Don’t get me wrong, I have a helpless cry here and there but don’t stay there for long. This is your purpose in life, to withstand it all, and you are able, and you will make it better yourself in your own ways., Forgive me if this comes off wrong, but one pattern I'm noticing is that people really far at either extreme of the spectrum and their families seem to really feel alienated from all of the cool programs and it seems like almost everything is designed for a kind of broad "middle" section. On one end, you have people like my kid who definitely need some kind of support that's different from NTs, but really struggle to make the programs work because they're getting into really rudimentary conversations, working basic retail jobs, and hygiene when my kid's living on their own in grad school. On the other, you have people who can't make them work because they really need to start at a more basic level than even something like getting rewards for potty training, need really extensive staffing, or who are such a constant danger to themselves or others that pretty much everything needs to be kept between family and medical providers., Hi mana I can relate. My daughter also has a genetic variant that causes seizures, ID, anxiety, autism and neurogegeberation hers is in CLCN3 gene. They always told us she had autism adhd but she was so different too severe. I agree here they have cheerleading and camps but it's for moderate to mild functioning our daughter attends aba she's 10 now but honestly it's gotten so much harder as she grows older she's on so many medication that helps and has to be adjusted every 6 months still no safety awareness and requires 24/7 help. It's emotionally physically and financially draining as she has severe challenging behaviors like poop smearing playing with toilet water disrobing and aggression they get better then cone back I have 2 other children and this has affected us as a whole we've never been out in public with the 3 of them together. I try to take it day by day and try self care counseling has helped me a bit to cope, Would you mind sharing what genetic testing you had done? I'm wondering if I should get my ND child tested too., [deleted], [deleted], I don't have any advice, just wanted to say I'm very sorry, this is really hard. I hope you will find some help for yourself and your child. Sending you hugs ❤️, hang in there, We live in an ableist society, which means that people want everyone to be able to function the same. I am autistic and I am considered low support needs (i kind of hate this terminology though because people might assume that i can do many things and act normal). For your high support needs child they need a lot of love and they are probably frustrated because maybe they cannot really explain what is going on in their mind. I think that society should be allowed for anyone as long as they try to be a decent human being. There has to be a way to teach acceptable behavior. When I was a kid I had what I now know are meltdowns but I learned how to regulate my emotions more. I think your child will benefit from maybe a caregiver and support person for them for their life because we should never exclude someone from society just because they are different or need more help., This is so supportive, thank you!, I can't find the words - but I echo this., Respectfully, I think it's a lot more nuanced than you are making it when it comes to lower support needs voices. People like my child only recently have gotten to have any kind of significant stake in the autism rights movement. It wasn't until 1994, 3 years before my kid was born, that someone who presented like my child could even have a chance at a proper name for what they went through and even try to build some kind of community around these shared experiences, much less any kind of useful support. Before then, they either got labeled with a medical hodgepodge of what was acceptable to call someone with fluent speech and no intellectual disability or were simply seen as "lazy", "rude", or "odd". There's no telling how many older people simply have no idea or are just finding out what's going on. My child's grandmother, who is 81, has essentially self-diagnosed after finding out about my kid's diagnosis. In the 40's, there was no way an academically inclined girl and her twin sister (who later ended up with a PhD from Stanford and taught herself embedded programming for fun) were getting any kind of recognition as disabled. Is it all a little, clunky, awkward, in-your-face, or whatever else these days? Of course, but what else do you expect from a group of people who grew up knowing something was different having no idea what, being gaslit, bullied, traumatized in other ways, and who are finally getting their seat at the table and getting an accessible platform to share their experiences? And believe me, there is still much to fight for for them. My child is definitely the exception regarding the kinds of services they've had access to in their kind of situation(Go California!). I also think that who seems loudest is highly dependent on which spaces you frequent. In addition to autistic-led spaces in my area, we have no shortage of communities that focus on parents and their high-support children that would completely alienate our family. I think that over time hopefully, the pendulum will swing a little and things will continue to balance themselves out, but for now, I'm going to keep encouraging my kid and people like them to make their voice heard loud and clear, because it's just as needed as voices pertaining to higher-support autistics., Thank you, this gives me hope that there is still some dream of an enjoyable life for our child and a light at the end of the tunnel for us. Do you know if it is was hard to find this group home? I worry that the waitlist would be decades long., Thank you, this brought tears to my eyes, Incredible, powerful words. Thanks you so much!, I think you’re definitely right - my daughter goes to a specialist school and even they’ve told me before ‘oh, she’s too much for us’ and it’s like really? Where do we go from here? Where is an 8 year old girl too much for anyone? My daughter’s still at the school, but it did make me think ‘how is my daughter too far on the spectrum to be considered too much for a *school for kids with additional needs* ‘? I’ve even had parents at the school go ‘ohhh yeah my son’s autistic but not.. not like your daughter’ - despite most places saying ‘autism’s a spectrum’, I still think a lot of resources are designed with one specific mould in mind, leaving lots of people on either side behind, There’s a reason for the pattern until finite resources improve. High functioning individuals might struggle but considering your child is in grad school they are very successful. Many NT individuals don’t qualify for grad school. The middle of the road autistic individuals can go from individuals unable of being independent adults to living an independent life with help. High functioning despite struggles can live as independent adults, not their best life, but certainly a good life with much less help. Low functioning autism won’t ever gain full independence so there just is much roi. It’s a focus on the biggest return on investment to create a functional adult. Not a system to create super successful adults, basically a grade of C is considered acceptable. If resources become abundant then things might look much better. The funding has to come from a real place and very few people I think want higher health insurance rates and taxes. (Maybe if we didn’t fund the department of defense so much there would be funds. However this is a total political problem not something that should be in fighting on these posts.), Whole exome sequencing, You can leave. This ain’t your place., Her child has the legit genetic autism : it’s genes from a syndrome. Any other source are gene variants, spontaneous mutations, idiopathic autism . There are genetic testing that identifies genes related to autism, but a so called “autistic gene” doesn’t exist, Your a fool, multiple genetic syndromes and chromosomal abnormalities cause autism and other disabilities too. One for example is duplication 15q syndrome , that my son has. It’s one of the biggest genetic causes of autism. Look it up and some others and educate yourself. Not all autism is caused by genetic abnormalities but some definitely are, This absolutely is not the place for this rant on high functioning individuals. Op requested emotional support on learning that their child will be completely dependent for the rest of their life. Talking about your Stanford phd educated relative is beyond rude in a response. Kicking someone who is down does not further your cause, it inhibits it by showing super successful high functioning individuals that had no intervention. Op isn’t even looking for intervention as this point as it won’t work. They want support with activities of daily living., I actually looked at this on their website, I don’t live in the same state as them but I anticipate one of my kids could someday need a group home and thought the same as you, that it must be impossibly long especially for a nice home like this one. This particular group home says it has a 2-3 year wait list on their FAQ. That seems totally reasonable to me, if your child is in high school and is on the path of needing a lot of care as an adult, you can check out group homes in the state and get on some lists. I believe some kids start living at a group home before 18 as well if the family has trouble meeting their needs but I’m not sure how that works in terms of getting it paid for by the government if the parents don’t have a low income., What people forget is that there truly is enough to go around. It's simply a distribution problem. The distribution problem comes from where the most politically powerful humans decide to place their priorities and money. This is easily illustrated by US defense spending, example you gave. Therefore, the resources will not change unless we collectively convince or override the currently most powerful humans in charge to make it so that the social and legal norm is that each person's full potential has equal value. It's not going to happen by people just accepting that people like my kid don't deserve what they need. It's not some physical law that x amount of people of functioning level y have to not reach their full potential until z takes its course in nature. This isn't waiting 100 years for some eclipse to happen. To further assert why high-functioning people are "worth it", is we have no idea how much talent we're missing out on by stifling these people. The person who could lead a team to discover a cure for Alzheimer's could a level 1 autistic, but we might be missing out on the benefits of that for the entirety of humanity because so many people believe autism support should be a race to the middle and toward mediocrity instead of a race toward everyone's best life and self, and such a person might not be supported enough to get the proper scientific training and experience., [deleted], Where would I go to get genetic testing for my daughter who is ASD? Would her neurologist do this? It would be nice to find out where my daughters ASD came from. I suspect it's because we have genes related to autism. Both my husband and myself have ADHD and I am also bipolar 2. Do all or most parents of children with ASD get genetic testing? Sorry for all the questions this is the first I am learning about this, All I'm saying is that there's room for both in response to the person who thinks high-functioning people's voices are going to "drown out" the rest, which is just incorrect and not called for in order to support someone going through something different. Forgive me for going mama bear for a moment I suppose. When people say shit like that and I see it, I call it out and rightfully so., Thanks for sharing this. It certainly makes me feel a little hopeful., I agree with you on that., Kid after reading through your previous comment history…You troll autism subs. You’re 15 years old. And have asthma. This is not your audience., You can test for the more common genetic causes of ASD and ID through a developmental pediatrician. More advanced panels that look for rarer causes can be done through a geneticist. They are finding more and more “variants” that seem to contribute to ASD. Somewhere recently I saw that around 50% of ASD families may now find one or more of these variants if they do the in depth child/parent panels, more commonly you see numbers like 30% of families find a possible genetic reason. I think you’re correct, the genetics for ADHD and ASD are thought to be related in many cases., Your child’s specialist needs to sent a referral to genetic lab testing, but it’s not guaranteed your insurance may cover it so preferably research about it . The test can be two types : -Autism testing panel : chromosomal microarray + Autism/ID - Complete testing : Xome DX Whole DXT sequencing I’d recommend the second one, my child had the first one and nothing was found but he’s just like OP’s child. TBH, syndromic autism (which I assume is the one you want to rule out or be prepared for) has only 14% chances of occurrence, there must be more but rare syndromes are scattered around the world and parents have to find other parents with the same gene so it can be officially be labeled as a syndrome (unless is a known syndrome) but until then you’ll just have the nomenclature of some orphan genetic abnormality, I think they needed to vent their individual struggles as more of a post for support. I just didn’t see it as an attack against others using the system just more like an angry post about the lack of services they need for their family given the recent change in diagnosis., Sorry bye, Thank you. It will be interesting to see what the results will be., Thank you. This is all new to me and I think having some answers as to the origin of her ASD could be therapeutic for me. Until just now I didn't know there was syndromic autism and all you said above. Learning new things each day.

Where do I begin?

I am the mother to a soon to be eight-year-old level 3 autistic son. Up until a couple days ago he has only solely lived with his father. And I’m being honest, I know nothing about his life or routine or what to do. I won’t get into the details of why I wasn’t around but I also have another child of my own. However, it seems recently My Son‘s father is no longer able to care for him and truly it was his sister who is doing all the work, but now she has separated from her husband And my ex had to move back in with his mother. We both spoke and she said that it was best that he came to stay with me which I’m totally fine with. I just want to be aware of what to expect. My Son is nonverbal is still in diapers., very behind on his IEP, rarely sleeps and has ASD. He lacks pain sensory.

Is the dad or sister able to help teach you of any routines, likes, dislikes, sensitives and things like that? It also seems like speech and occupational therapy will be beneficial for him. Can you get access to his IEP and documented reports that they have when they do evaluations? All of these things can help you learn more about your son., Is the dad or sister able to help teach you of any routines, likes, dislikes, sensitives and things like that? It also seems like speech and occupational therapy will be beneficial for him. Can you get access to his IEP and documented reports that they have when they do evaluations? All of these things can help you learn more about your son., Is the dad or sister able to help teach you of any routines, likes, dislikes, sensitives and things like that? It also seems like speech and occupational therapy will be beneficial for him. Can you get access to his IEP and documented reports that they have when they do evaluations? All of these things can help you learn more about your son., Is the dad or sister able to help teach you of any routines, likes, dislikes, sensitives and things like that? It also seems like speech and occupational therapy will be beneficial for him. Can you get access to his IEP and documented reports that they have when they do evaluations? All of these things can help you learn more about your son.

Where do we go from here..

We have a medical diagnosis. Hooray! We have know for a while but now it’s on his medical record. High Functioning Level 1 Autism. We start at home ABA sometime soon to help with social cues and even potty training. But now my question is.. what about school? He has a IEP, is currently getting speech, PT, and is in an hour long tiny pre-school session. Where he is thriving at his own pace. Do I put him in a morning program? I live in California, will it be free now because it’s officially a medical diagnosis? His case isn’t severe, so will people not believe me when i mentioned it? My mind is racing, I have so many questions and none of the answers. Any tips would be super appreciated.

Relax take it one day at a time. Your kiddo will make leaps in progress from here. If you're getting speech and ABA you will see your kiddo take off from here. I promise., I don't live in CA....I live in PA so I have no info on how you go about getting more services. Perhaps contact your pediatrician to find out how to access services for your child in your area. But I am glad you got the medical diagnosis and hope that you are able to find all the services you would like for your child! And I hope they are all freeeeeee!!, Hey, you can enroll in public school preschool- duration depends on location. Mine is 3hrs-4 hrs ish (free). Then you can apply to regional to get free respite care (6hr ish) and money for group activities like swimming class/etc- (around $200 per month). Then you can apply a waiver so he/she can get Medicaid regardless of your income. Then you can apply to IHSS so you can get hours for a caregiver to watch kiddo while you do errands/take care of the house. You can also apply for that position or hire someone else. I only have experience with preschool- the others I research and is pending on the path to get them, Be thankful you have a level 1., Thank you for this. Definitely going to taking deep breath and soak everything in. He’s an amazing kiddo. I appreciate your words., I don’t really know how to respond to this other than I hope you have a wonderful day., While I understand your sentiment, this is insanely not helpful. Regardless of level we all start this with questions, and statements like this are useless., Sometimes, the sentiment toward level 1 autistics and their parents on this sub is really quite something., Anytime, Relax take it one day at a time. Your kiddo will make leaps in progress from here. If you're getting speech and ABA you will see your kiddo take off from here. I promise., I don't live in CA....I live in PA so I have no info on how you go about getting more services. Perhaps contact your pediatrician to find out how to access services for your child in your area. But I am glad you got the medical diagnosis and hope that you are able to find all the services you would like for your child! And I hope they are all freeeeeee!!, Hey, you can enroll in public school preschool- duration depends on location. Mine is 3hrs-4 hrs ish (free). Then you can apply to regional to get free respite care (6hr ish) and money for group activities like swimming class/etc- (around $200 per month). Then you can apply a waiver so he/she can get Medicaid regardless of your income. Then you can apply to IHSS so you can get hours for a caregiver to watch kiddo while you do errands/take care of the house. You can also apply for that position or hire someone else. I only have experience with preschool- the others I research and is pending on the path to get them, Be thankful you have a level 1., Thank you for this. Definitely going to taking deep breath and soak everything in. He’s an amazing kiddo. I appreciate your words., I don’t really know how to respond to this other than I hope you have a wonderful day., While I understand your sentiment, this is insanely not helpful. Regardless of level we all start this with questions, and statements like this are useless., Sometimes, the sentiment toward level 1 autistics and their parents on this sub is really quite something., Anytime, Relax take it one day at a time. Your kiddo will make leaps in progress from here. If you're getting speech and ABA you will see your kiddo take off from here. I promise., I don't live in CA....I live in PA so I have no info on how you go about getting more services. Perhaps contact your pediatrician to find out how to access services for your child in your area. But I am glad you got the medical diagnosis and hope that you are able to find all the services you would like for your child! And I hope they are all freeeeeee!!, Hey, you can enroll in public school preschool- duration depends on location. Mine is 3hrs-4 hrs ish (free). Then you can apply to regional to get free respite care (6hr ish) and money for group activities like swimming class/etc- (around $200 per month). Then you can apply a waiver so he/she can get Medicaid regardless of your income. Then you can apply to IHSS so you can get hours for a caregiver to watch kiddo while you do errands/take care of the house. You can also apply for that position or hire someone else. I only have experience with preschool- the others I research and is pending on the path to get them, Be thankful you have a level 1., Thank you for this. Definitely going to taking deep breath and soak everything in. He’s an amazing kiddo. I appreciate your words., I don’t really know how to respond to this other than I hope you have a wonderful day., While I understand your sentiment, this is insanely not helpful. Regardless of level we all start this with questions, and statements like this are useless., Sometimes, the sentiment toward level 1 autistics and their parents on this sub is really quite something., Anytime, Relax take it one day at a time. Your kiddo will make leaps in progress from here. If you're getting speech and ABA you will see your kiddo take off from here. I promise., I don't live in CA....I live in PA so I have no info on how you go about getting more services. Perhaps contact your pediatrician to find out how to access services for your child in your area. But I am glad you got the medical diagnosis and hope that you are able to find all the services you would like for your child! And I hope they are all freeeeeee!!, Hey, you can enroll in public school preschool- duration depends on location. Mine is 3hrs-4 hrs ish (free). Then you can apply to regional to get free respite care (6hr ish) and money for group activities like swimming class/etc- (around $200 per month). Then you can apply a waiver so he/she can get Medicaid regardless of your income. Then you can apply to IHSS so you can get hours for a caregiver to watch kiddo while you do errands/take care of the house. You can also apply for that position or hire someone else. I only have experience with preschool- the others I research and is pending on the path to get them, Be thankful you have a level 1., Thank you for this. Definitely going to taking deep breath and soak everything in. He’s an amazing kiddo. I appreciate your words., I don’t really know how to respond to this other than I hope you have a wonderful day., While I understand your sentiment, this is insanely not helpful. Regardless of level we all start this with questions, and statements like this are useless., Sometimes, the sentiment toward level 1 autistics and their parents on this sub is really quite something., Anytime

Why Are Some Teachers So Tight Lipped?

I just left from a Parent/Teacher Conference. All of the professionals who're apart of my son's team at his school were there and explained how he's doing. My son is doing very well, no complaints. I ask one of his Teacher's what website I could go to, in order to get a copy of a particular tool used, for communicating where items are in a grocery store and his response was, "You can just Google it, there's plenty of material out there". Why? Why didn't he just answer my question? He just assumed I even knew what it was I was looking at. Why so tight lip about these things? It's been like this his entire life when it comes to me asking his Teacher's about the things their using and doing with him, in class. I want to simply be able to utilize the same or similar tools at home, so that my son and our family can help him even more. Everyone would benefit from this. It's so infuriating. It's hard enough working with our children sometimes, why make it harder? 😔

It was explained to me, years ago, that many teachers are using apps not licensed for classroom use, which isn’t technically allowed, but a lot of needed apps are too expensive to license, or just are not available to, and telling you that they are definitely doing that with one specific app isn’t worth losing their job over., I'm willing to bet that the teachers are given resources that are ONLY for teachers. They might not know where to get them otherwise, or even working off of something fairly outdated. I've noticed with my son's teachers, that if I have a tool to use, or a visual aid of some kind, THEY want to know where I got it. My son is highly aggressive, so this turns into a lot of brainstorming. Depending on funding, they may also be receiving things as donations, not knowing where it comes from. The best people to ask are the therapists. I take the initiative to ask my therapists for ideas, then hand them down to the teachers to see if it would work for them. For tablets that can use the visual aid apps, there's a bunch, and i mean A MYRIAD, possibly even a plethora. It really depends on what OS is on the device that decides which one will work best. Also, what works at school, never works for me, and vice versa. I don't have a very strict schedule at home, and so my son doesn't need to transition like he does at school, but I've had to make my own personalized social stories, to initiate new teachers, activities, or schedules to transition him TO and AT school. Plus, I'm mom, and I have the lock code to the Xbox... muahahaha... TLDR; it's not necessarily that they won't, but more probably that they can't., Teachers have to be extremely careful not to be perceived as stepping out of our role or giving parents access to things that are teacher licensed only. Like we can lose our licenses., I suspect it's a combo of what others have said about using items they're not licensed for and sometimes they literally just googled "grocery store social stories" or similar and printed up on the of handouts that looked good and was accessible so they literally might have no idea/not remember where it's from., I bet you could add that to the kids IEP, requesting the same visua charts as school for take home… because duhhh if its not the same as in school its so much harder for an autistic child., I also have the same exact thoughts. We need to keep things similar to what is being used in class and expand that at home. Our issue has a language coordinate also, as we are bilingual, we tend to use both languages at home. My 11 yo uses a mix of both languages at home, not sure how he communicates at school. Good luck!, First of all I completely agree, even having read the reasons here in the comments…why not explain those and be more helpful? Truly 🙄 to me that would be a priority to keep the materials consistent. anyways I know this is besides the point , but one thing you could do is take a pic of the materials and then reverse image search them… it’s an option on google photos called google lens., Yes, I work in a school and this is the first thought that came to mind., Okay. I see that, however, we're literally talking about a print out of a visual aid and he can't tell me what website was used to print it from?, Okay, thank you., Okay, thank you. My son is 20 years old and with your response, I'm left wondering why, not a single Teacher or anyone apart of his team ever told me this, whenever I would ask these questions directly during IEP meetings, via email, a phone call...etc, nothing...? At any rate, I sincerely appreciate everyone's response. Please keep in mind, 17 years ago, parents, teachers nor other professionals had nearly the materials, tools or support that everyone has now. I would think Teachers and professionals would do the best they can, in light of these fact, to communicate asa much as they can with the parents. This information about what is licensed material and what isn't, isn't known by the parents, usual., Okay, thank you., Thank you, Thank you. Would the Teachers allow me to take pictures of the materials they use? I don't know., If he printed it from a curriculum he doesn’t have a license for…then yes. I have no clue if this is the problem he has, it’s just the explanation I was given, and it made logical sense to me., You’re right, I’m not sure. That’s unacceptable to me tho. Like it’s important! There should be a way for the materials to be consistent . I agree with another poster maybe put it on the IEP., Okay, thank you., Okay, thank you.

Why can't i post??

Testing because no matter what I do, I can't post.

Reddit borks our periodically, Yep. Just tried to post what i originally came here for, but I keep getting an error message of oops that didn't work, but we don't know why. But this works. 🙄 maybe I'll try again...maybe that's my answer., This happens to me too. I can comment, but can't seem to create my own posts on this sub., Mod attention, please. I tried again, and im still getting an error message. Is there a character limit? Or trigger words that are keeping it from posting?, Message the mods personally, they may not see this comment for a while.

Why do I basically have to waterboard it out of my daughter everytime she needs help?

So, to preface, my daughter (5 years) is not yet diagnosed with ASD but I (32M) was diagnosed ASD1 earlier this year, and her mother and I are 99.9 % that our daughter is also autistic. She basically has all my symptoms but worse. One big thing is that with certain things she will absolutely not ask for help. We can clearly see something is wrong but she will refuse any and all help. Half the time, she will not even acknowledge that something is bothering her untill what ever might bother her drives her to a meltdown. One of the typical ones is that she finds something is wrong with her food. She will stop eating and will deflect if we remind her to eat or try to ask if something about the food is bothering her. We will gently remind her during the meal to remember to eat. At some point, she will get so frustrated that she has a meltdown, after which she is ready to tell us e.g. that the pasta was placed wrong on her plate or it was touching the other food. We always do our very best to be gentle about asking her what is wrong. It seems that she either deliberately refuses help or outright wants us to guess what is wrong without her hinting at what is going on. Do you guys experience this? Do you have any tips to get her to let us help her?

Communication requires executive functioning, which shuts down when they are upset. Mine is almost 8 and normally asks me for things but sometimes will just sit and make noises when frustrated. It is like she is mad but can't think to ask. Usually I just ask her whether she wants help or wants me to leave her alone. This has been moderately effective., Communication requires executive functioning, which shuts down when they are upset. Mine is almost 8 and normally asks me for things but sometimes will just sit and make noises when frustrated. It is like she is mad but can't think to ask. Usually I just ask her whether she wants help or wants me to leave her alone. This has been moderately effective., Communication requires executive functioning, which shuts down when they are upset. Mine is almost 8 and normally asks me for things but sometimes will just sit and make noises when frustrated. It is like she is mad but can't think to ask. Usually I just ask her whether she wants help or wants me to leave her alone. This has been moderately effective., Communication requires executive functioning, which shuts down when they are upset. Mine is almost 8 and normally asks me for things but sometimes will just sit and make noises when frustrated. It is like she is mad but can't think to ask. Usually I just ask her whether she wants help or wants me to leave her alone. This has been moderately effective.

Why isn’t there a Meyers Briggs style acronym for autism.

Personality type has a four letter acronym in Meyers Briggs. (for example: ENTP, ISFJ) Why can’t we do this with more letters for ASD? Shouldn’t there be an attempt to sub-categorize the spectrum to make finding like-type folks easier? I get that every kid on the spectrum is different but surely there are similar categorizes to help parents of like-type children support each other better.

I think it's tricky because... (1) You can have seemingly paradoxical presentations in the same person -- like sensory seeking *and* sensory aversion depending on the sense / situation. (2) Ability and presentation might be a moving target. The seemingly "regulated kid that is only engaged in their own world" might become the "kid with constant meltdowns that's now trying to engage with peers." That's been our experience anyway, because our child is still so young. 🤷‍♀️, I think what you’re really touching on is the utility of one unified ASD diagnosis. Personally, I wish we had more specific categories like profound autism. It’s a lot easier and quicker to find information that applies to me if I type “Aspergers” into the search engine instead of autism. I feel like ASD is so all encompassing that it’s a giant muddy amorphous blob of a diagnosis at this point., Myers Briggs is bad, any thing you created similarly for people on the spectrum isn’t necessarily going to be any better., Cause Myers-Briggs is pseudo science. It's basically horoscopes in that it "seems" like it works only because the category descriptions are so vague that they could apply to almost anyone. Such categorization is all but useless for actual diagnostic purposes, Because Meyers Briggs isn’t a good way of categorizing people - it’s not based in actual science., There is, ever meet an INTP? 🤣, We need something more descriptive than level 1/2/3, especially given that ADHD has descriptive subtyping that isn't just "severity" but it's hard to determine what that system entails. The best thing I've seen so far is the color wheel., Spot on the money., Agree though there has to be a scientifically optimal way of being able to categorize. Like maybe there are 3 letters instead of two for each dimension. Maybe there a hundred different subcategories and people can be associated with multiple groups. I agree (as a commenter below said) that right now it’s this “amorphous blob”. A smorgasbord of characteristics that make it impossible to fully relate to one another., I'm probably in the minority, but I like that the umbrella has gotten wider as our understanding continues to evolve. If there were still very separate categories, then I don't think I'd be as encouraged to look at the broader spectrum and understand the *underlying experience* that leads to different presentations of symptoms. For example, having anxiety and depression and ADHD as totally separate diagnoses made it harder for me to realize that they are all linked through underlying *struggles with dysregulation.* It's helpful for me to know that a really anxious person is more prone to depression. Similarly, a "mildly autistic" young child might have higher needs than are instantly apparent, and their experience might be greatly improved by borrowing supports / learnings from the "higher needs" autism experience. That's just my personal experience, though. I can understand how others might prefer more narrow categories!, I agree and like the idea of categories. I think that’s why people keep using levels (in the US) to try and differentiate or say verbal/ non verbal. Or we have other terms like hyperlexic. If you can’t have general categories then I would have them for different dimensions and they don’t have to be linear as mentioned above some children (like mine) can be both sensory seeking and sensory avoidant. In any case, it would be helpful as even as “each child is unique” - I do think there are kids who are similar to my son. As of right now I feel like the hyperlexic groups tend to be the most helpful to us re behaviors, interests and development…, It's astrology for HR team builders 😄🙄, Or an INTJ, or an INFJ?!, MBTI has no science behind it, Hmm that’s an interesting perspective. I’ve never thought about that but it really makes sense, Lol - pretty much!, Oof. Not a lie. I am def the autistic parent. 🙃

Wife And I Can’t Agree On Treatment

I’m a very active user on Reddit but I had to create a new account to avoid my wife knowing that I’m seeking advice. My wife (48F) and I (51M) have a 6 year old son who I highly suspect has autism. We don’t know for sure because my wife refuses to get him evaluated. My wife’s parents had her enrolled in ABA therapy as a teen and she says her experience was traumatic. She is very anti- therapy and until our son became very sick, she was also against any medical intervention. Our son is nonverbal, he has never babbled as a infant or toddler, he has no words. He doesn’t points…he just screams until we figure out what he wants. He can’t clap on his own, or dress himself. He can feed himself finger foods but is unable to drink out of a cup or straw. He isn’t affectionate at all, if we try to hug him he screeches his voice very loud. He can walk and even run but he can not walk upstairs or downstairs by himself. My wife was a professor but retired early 3 years ago because our son kept getting dismissed from daycare. He had multiple incidents of biting his classmates. He still bites but my wife says it’s his way of showing affection. My wife homeschool’s our son. Personally I don’t think it’s going that great but I can’t have a factual opinion because she’s the one that’s home with him all day. She is also 6 months pregnant with twins and is high risk. She refuses to allow me to hire help with our son. She also refuses to enroll him into public school because she’s afraid they’ll insist to have him evaluated for an IEP. When I express my concerns to her she always says she didn’t start talking until she felt like it and our son will speak on his own terms. She also says she believes our son is level 1 or 2, which is mildly autistic, she knows more about that stuff than I do as she had actual experiences with terminology. Im lost what to do. I had my son’s pediatrician assess his symptoms for autism last year and she referred him to be evaluated by early interventions. My wife found out and freaked out on me. Our marriage barely survived that. We are finally back on good terms and expecting twins, our son was never evaluated and im so afraid for the future but I also can’t do anything against my wife wishes.

She isn't advocating for her son, so you must., I’m curious what she thinks is going on with regard to your son being nonverbal, if autism is out of the question in her mind?, > Our son is nonverbal, he has never babbled as a infant or toddler, he has no words. He doesn’t points…he just screams until we figure out what he wants. He can’t clap on his own, or dress himself. He can feed himself finger foods but is unable to drink out of a cup or straw. He isn’t affectionate at all, if we try to hug him he screeches his voice very loud. He can walk and even run but he can not walk upstairs or downstairs by himself. My wife was a professor but retired early 3 years ago because our son kept getting dismissed from daycare. He had multiple incidents of biting his classmates. He still bites but my wife says it’s his way of showing affection. Not getting an evaluation, therapy, or any help for a 6 year old with these behaviors is terrible. Absolutely terrible., I absolutely do not want to invalidate the very real trauma your wife had from ABA in the past. Medical trauma is also very real as I suffer from it myself. With that being said, my own trauma did not trump my daughter’s very real need for interventions and medical care to give her the support she needs. However, I feel as though your son is suffering as a result of her refusal to seek some type of intervention here. At ages 1-3, I could understand not being quick to seek an evaluation. What you have described at his age clearly shows he is majorly behind in many areas. It is a clear disservice to him that your wife is unwilling to let him receive some kinds of supports based on his needs. Regardless of her feelings, it is a fact that your child needs some kind of medical evaluation so he can thrive. I have a lot of compassion in this situation, but I would definitely go over her head with this one because it is absolutely not fair to your son. Adding two new babies into the mix could also create more delays in your son’s development if she tries to handle it all alone. I commend her for trying to do it all, but this is absolutely not sustainable for you, for her, or for your son. I wish you all the best and I hope your wife can have a change of heart., I would go as far to say that this is abuse. Withholding treatment for a nonverbal 6 year old who cannot even drink out of a straw is abhorrent., You need to have a frank conversation with your wife. Not having him evaluated may mean he isn't getting the right type of supports he needs. Those supports don't have to include ABA if she is uncomfortable with it, but might entitle him to more PT, OT and Speech (we get unlimited through insurance with a diagnosis where before that we were limited to 60 combined sessions per year). Getting that diagnosis may also open more services in a school environment . Her avoiding an evaluation is doing him actual harm (in terms of his ability to live with the ability to communicate, and intervention at this age could very well be the difference between needing to be institutionalized or just day support as he gets older). As another poster mentioned, if she is unwilling (which I suspect is also why she is homeschooling, so he won't be evaluated) you may need to involve CPS. Unfortunately you need to prioritize your son's well being over your wife's ego., What's even more concerning is with her and child being autistic there is a strong likelihood it is genetic and you're about to be neglecting two autistic twins as well., I'm afraid, honestly, that this is extreme enough that you might need to involve CPS or some kind of family court, because even though I'm not a lawyer, this quite possibly meets the legal definition of child neglect on her part., ... If she isn't willing to advocate for the kid, you must. Frankly, this is at the very least marriage counseling territory., You're harming your son. Actively harming him. Your wife is abusive. Preventing children from receiving important and necessary medical care or intervention is abuse. And if you are sitting back and allowing it, you are part of the problem. I got my daughter evaluated, diagnosed, in therapy, in early intervention, etc. by myself. You could do it too. Don't sit back and let your wife keep harming your son. It's actually horrifying that several *years* of time was wasted, he could have literally turned out to be a different person. An IEP is an individualized plan that is curated specifically for your son, to help your son. What kind of parent would be against that?? If you continue to ignore your poor child's needs I hope your sons pediatrician reports both of you. It isn't right that he suffers and loses whatever chance he would have had at independence and a decent quality of life, Sorry, but this seems severely abusive. Like, honestly, to the point of CPS involvement. How have you not intervened before now?, The absolute damage that has been done because of medicine's old understanding of ASD... It makes me mad every time I think about it. A whole generation of ND people were victimized and traumatized, and it breaks my heart to see the next generations at risk as well because of it. I don't want to dismiss or invalidate what your wife has experienced, but it seems like you've tried to have this conversation many times before and that your marriage barely survived an evaluation referral. From what you've written here, it seems like the "come to jesus" option has arrived and left. Does that sound like an accurate assessment? Because if so, and you feel like you've reached the end of the conversation option, my advice to you is to think long and hard about what's more important to you: your relationship or getting treatment for your child. I encourage you to read [this post] (https://old.reddit.com/r/Autism_Parenting/comments/17g7dql/feeling_entirely_broken/), made just two days ago, of a father in a similar situation, with a partner who refused to acknowledge the possibility of ASD and refused to have their child evaluated. He was only able to get his son the eval after their divorce. To give you an idea, the post is titled 'Feeling Entirely Broken.' Please think about that. Your story touches my heart. My son never babbled as a infant or toddler either, he had no words. He didn't point or make eye contact. He couldn't clap on his own either, or dress himself, nor could he feed himself. We got him diagnosed just as he turned 3 and started therapies for him. Within a year he was pointing, making eye contact, clapping, dressing himself, feeding himself. He's on his way to talking, it's a joy to watch his vocab grow. Of course, every child will vary. By sharing this, I'm not advocating for a certain type of therapy or specific assistance, but rather trying to show you the potential possibilities that can happen with open acknowledgement of the situation and accepting ANY sort of help, whether it's speech, OT, personal education, *something* to improve his own quality of life. If my husband, who has ASD, did not allow me to evaluate our son (he thought I was imagining things when I knew by 4 months), it wouldn't have mattered. I would have gotten it done anyway. If I had to walk out of my marriage and into the doctor's office, I would have done it in a second. I'm sorry for what your wife has experienced, and like I said, my first instinct would be to tell you to talk to your wife. But it seems like you're here because you no longer see that as an option. Your job is to give your child the best chance at life. You should think about what you're willing to do in order to ensure that. There have been other parents who have decided to trade their child's future for peace and their marriage. I personally couldn't do it., She’s pregnant with twins at 48 years old? I feel like this post isn’t real the way it’s making everyone angry. Maybe it’s a troll?, I’m an autistic parent of autistic children and I hate how often I’m seeing other parents effectively neglecting their children’s very real needs because they are so opposed to ABA. Most ABA is not at all like what autistic adults on the internet describe. I’m sure it has been traumatic for some people but for the most part it’s a valid and highly effective form of therapy. Being unable to communicate is traumatic. Being unable to regulate emotions is traumatic. Living with parents who are under extreme duress at all times because they are overwhelmed by your needs is traumatic. Eventually needing to be institutionalized because you’re suddenly 15 and adult-sized and have never been taught to communicate your needs with anything other than screaming and hitting… that’s traumatic too. I don’t want to invalidate your wife’s trauma but she’s failing to meet her child’s needs and that’s not okay. You’re doing the right thing by advocating for your child’s needs. Also, what you’re describing is a child with level 3 supports needed. I don’t like using the terms “mild” or “severe.” People’s level of support needed can change over time. But he currently has very high need for support and she is failing him., [deleted], I respect that your wife has a lot of unresolved trauma around ABA but she is in deep denial. What you’re describing are severe impairments [consistent with a level 3 diagnosis](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f2/Three_Levels_of_Autism_1.png). You are losing very valuable time for interventions that you cannot get back. You do not need to place him in ABA, but he needs speech therapy, OT, and probably PT. He needs public school and an IEP. Your wife cannot homeschool him or provide appropriate therapy. You must do whatever you need to do to get your child the help he needs., Also, I want to give you an idea of severity. My kid was diagnosed at level 2 when he was just under 3. At the time of diagnosis, he had basic play skills, including some simple pretend play. He clapped and pointed. He was capable of expressing basic wishes and labeling some objects, animals and people in English and ASL. He knew his colors, numbers and some letters. He could drink from a straw and an open cup, and use a fork and spoon. He could climb and manage steps. He had decent back and forth interactions with us as his parents, and said/signed mama and dada. He scored a 0 on the MCHAT. Even with all that, he was diagnosed as level 2. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but so you know what skills an actual level 2 toddler has, and how off base your wife's assessment is., take him to a doctor please. your son is losing out on an easier future the more that your wife tries to avoid any and all treatment and just homeschools him without giving your son necessary treatment. honestly if i were you i don’t think i’d even wanna try to salvage this relationship… i’d divorce and try to go for full custody, i feel like my partner actively jeopardizing my child’s future would make me not want to be married to them at all, I really hope this isn't a real post. Imo that's child abuse. A 6 year old who is non verbal and you've not sought out any help? Why get pregnant again? Clearly she must have had ivf or an egg donor for her age so if was likely planned. I hope someone calls cps, Non verbal at 6... yeah... he's very likely autistic (but we cant diagnose) why would an IEP be a negative. I'm not sure I'm understanding your wife's logic to be honest... I mean I get the denial part, but it seems like what she;s doing isn't working. Is there any chance your wife would be open to therapy? It's clear she has a few things to work out personally. If she had a rough experience with ABA I understand her avoiding it... but a diagnosis and an IEP arent ABA... The goal is to best understand what your kid is dealing with and then make a plan to best help him grow and reach his potential... I'm not sure how you navigate this... but your kid isn't getting what he needs and the way your wife is handling this will be a detriment to his overall growth... I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sounds like your wife is comparing her childhood to his. Maybe tap into your MIL or FIL (if they are around) to recount the differences. Maybe if she internalizes that they have different struggles or severity of struggle she'll agree that he needs different support than what she had? ​ Good luck :-/, You have to act as soon as possible. Get on the wait-list for an evaluation (it will be a while before you get in), and reach out to your local school district in the meantime. It is okay if you don't do ABA. Occupational, speech and physical therapy will address all the challenges you mention. We just do occupational, music and speech, and my son is thriving. (He had a physical therapy assessment, and they said he didn't need any real support in that area.) Honestly, since you need help asap, I would even reach out for occupational, speech and physical therapy assessments, since the waiting lists are typically much shorter. That way, you can get those therapies started while you wait on the autism evaluation. At this point, harsh as it sounds, your wife doesn't get a say. She can be angry. She can yell at you. But you have to act for your kid's future., There are more and more neurodiversity friendly places for therapies such as speech, OT etc. Realistically he probably also needs physio if he can’t do stairs by himself, which suggests some motor problems and low muscle tone. That along with his quite significant delays and autism suggest that perhaps there is something more than just autism and may even a genetic syndrome (like my son). But she has absolutely failed your son by not addressing this earlier and to be frank, so have you. You are his parent too and you are just as responsible for him. Get him evaluated and in some kind of intervention without your wife and you will just have to accept the consequences to your marriage. He doesn’t need to be in ABA if she experienced trauma there and is against it, there are plenty of intervention programs and speech therapy which are recommended and advocated for by autistic adults. Look into AAC apps like Proloquo2Go or TD Snap on an iPad to help him communicate, or doing up visuals to help him communicate his needs this way instead of screaming. Al of which a speech therapist would be doing with him and would probably already be in place and working for him had he actually had some kind of help. Homeschooling him by your wife is a mistake , she is just isolating him and robbing his future. I’m sorry, but this would be a marriage deal breaker for me if it couldn’t be fixed. She’s had 6 years and he’s in bad shape, time to change. He needs to be an evaluation and likely a special school., Talk to her first. If you could find an autistic speech pathologist, would she consider private speech therapy? Only therapies where she's in the room and with an autistic provider who specializes in autistic clients. If that gets a yes or even a maybe, you start there because those providers do exist., Oh my *god*. This is medical neglect. He needs to be evaluated and receiving proper care ASAP. Waiting this long has possibly been detrimental to his future. "I can't do anything against my wife's wishes" is bullshit. You are participating in this neglect by choice. She just doesn't want him to go to school because she knows she messed up and waited too long and now they may even involve child protective services over it. Just reading this enrages me as the mother of a level 3 nonverbal autistic child. They **deserve** the best shot at life they can possibly have and they can't get that by sitting at home with their untrained mother all day. Jesus christ, man. Step up for your child., There are so many therapys that aren't ABA. Speech, pt, ot. Socialization. You can always not do ABA. The fact YOU aren't doing speech is insane and didn't fight for him. You need to fight this for your son. He matters more than your wife now because he doesn't matter to her because she is sick. The fact you had ANOTHER pregnancy with her is nuts. The earlier you start for him the better chance he has. You are behind the curve by at least 4 years in most cases. Fix this man. Wtf., From your description, I doubt your son is mildly autistic. He is severely autistic (level 2-3). You need a proper assessment. It sounds like your wife is deliberately trying to prevent people finding out how disabled he is. Your wife isn't being realistic. She can't possibly provide care to twin newborns and homeschool your son at the same time., OP what I'm getting from you is that you are afraid to act because it may end your marriage. You are also afraid of how the stress would impact your wife due to her high risk pregnancy. I'm guessing she's not going to agree to marriage counseling because of her history. You're in a really tough spot. The best I can come up with is that you try to find a therapist that you vibe well with, which is not always easy. Consider this you putting on your oxygen mask. Get them to help you try out approaches to changing things with your wife. Document everything. Send emails to yourself each time you try a new approach. Take videos. Keep any other metaphorical receipts you can. Once the twins are born and the health issues are no longer a factor, you will have to make some hard choices (assuming she's still unwilling to change). Try to convince her to see your counselor with you first. If nothing works, at that point I think you know what has to happen. This is why you documented, because a judge needs to see what's going on to best determine custody. I'm so sorry OP., Look not to be harsh but that’s neglect. 100%. She and you are both failing that child. Y’all don’t have to do Aba to get him the help he needs. We have never had it. My parents didn’t put me in it. We did what we could at home and he has speech and other therapy which helped. If she’s not willing to help him succeed in life, YOU have to, he will never be able to function in life or without y’all if he doesn’t., Wow. This situation is almost mirroring what I’m experiencing with my daughter. Her father and split because of this very issue. Our daughter was not meeting her milestones and I knew right away something was different about her. Initially the father was willing to tag along at appointments and evaluations, but eventually when faced with the reality that our child had autism and even a genetic disorder, he began to push back. I was able to enroll her in early intervention services but because he was non compliant during his visitations she was dismissed from it all. This led to a currently ongoing battle in court for full custody in order to get the access to the services, medical care, and education she’s entitled to. I’m in California and judges here try so hard to keep parents at 50/50. This has been my case, and because of that my daughter has not yet had full access to everything. He has fought to keep everything away from. So much so that he pulled her from school and is now in the process of creating his own homeschool to keep her home. She’s in an autism program in special education on an IEP. CPS has been involved multiple times and they’re fucking worthless. At this time I actually have filed a complaint against the school district with the department of education, because regardless of a parental disagreement my daughter as a disabled child has rights to access special education and services. I am returning to court to continue to fight for custody of my daughter. My suggestion to you is to speak clearly to your wife, talk to a counselor. Speak to both sides of your family. It’s a family affair, this child needs all of you to be on the same page. Early intervention is critical for your baby right now. You are his father and have all the responsibility to advocate for him. He needs you. This is just the beginning, believe me everything gets harder from here. Speak to your local regional center, speak to autism centers, speak to school psychologist. Tell anyone who will hear your story so you can gather the information you need to take whichever step you feel is best for your son. He needs you., Another thing , I was scared of IEPs as well , but they are there to support you child not necessarily have them on a different program . Like my daughter learns all the same curriculum , but say for instance learning maths , knowing she loved dinosaurs , they used dinosaurs images with her adding and subtracting . Her special interest was used as a way to keep her focused on the subject . It’s about knowing your child and what they need …all kids need this accomodation in reality ., It sounds like your wife really needs to talk to a therapist. This is not a judgement or a condescension at all, it just sounds like she’s going through it right now and a neutral party might be able to help. Would she be open to couples counseling?, Ok, let’s put autism aside and talk for just a minute about meeting basic needs. Does he ever leave the house? Interact with anyone regularly besides mom & dad? Can he feed and clothe himself? (No.) If his basic needs are not being met or if he is in pain, can he communicate this? (No.) Not actively working towards any of that is abusive. My son was SO MUCH happier when he learned to sign ‘more.’ Aimlessly screaming for every need is highly ineffective. He’d go in the vicinity of what he wanted and sign ‘more.’ His speech therapist taught him. Also part of the intake process what having his hearing checked to ensure he could hear well. What if your son hears everything muffled? He isn’t just going to pickup on it himself. OP, please call your local school district and ask to have him evaluated. (If in the US.) Take him yourself. Mom is clearly scared of it and can stay at home. They are literally going to play with him for a while, that’s all it is. Ask to take pictures and show mom how much fun he has., In situations like this, you really need a third party to intervene, but given the intensity of your wife's traumatic experience and her subsequent apprehension, you need to find a person she trusts. Convincing her to talk to someone who could help resolve her prior trauma might be a starting point. You need to validate her feelings and try and find common ground. She also needs to understand that ABA is not the only option. You also have to acknowledge that the science is still evolving on this and what is offered through insurance (ABA) is likely not what you should pursue given your wife's prior experiences but there are so many play based options that can be enriching experiences for your child and not "therapy" in the traditional sense. Parenting and marriage is a team sport, and no one parent gets to make all the decisions. Finally, if she won't relent and you can't get an assessment for your child, YOU yourself must become your child's therapist in your daily interactions with them by studying, practicing and learning. She won't let you take him to therapy but she can't control how you interact with him. Those educated interactions in daily activities, eating, going potty, dressing, playing, communicating etc could possibly be more beneficial than any therapy you might get. I'm going to list a few books and resources you can start with, not in any particular order. There's a lot more but these are as far away from ABA as I can think of. They all are neurodiversity affirming and child led. 1. DIR floortime through ICDL (do the initial consult and sign up for the 12 week parent workshop). 2. Reading- Uniquely Human: Updated and... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982193891?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share An Early Start for Your Child... https://www.amazon.com/dp/160918470X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share 3. Communication- Look up Gestalt Language Processing (Facebook group by Marge Blanc) Not all of these will be applicable to your child's particular needs, but hey might point you in the right direction. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but you are the best advocate for your child, and you really can provide a substantial part of the support your child needs even if its a few hours each day and on weekends. Good luck Dad, and stay on this sub because there are some great people and resources here who will give you the support you need. When you learn new things and implement them, and your wife sees how your son responds to you, she will possibly come around. It's a marathon not a sprint but the first step is learning what you can do as a father and the best therapist your child could have!!!, One of the worst fears for parents of a child with autism is their future. Their future and what will happen to him when I’m gone. It is what can bring me to a panic attack. So in response to your post I want you to imagine your 6 year old at 16 years old. My son is now 16 and is non speaking but understands everything. He’s good with his talker but isn’t a fan of it. Our journey has been long and it takes action, patience, love and above all else it what is good for your child’s future. We’ve had crappy ABA at home and excellent ABA at home mostly for life skills and outings (my son hates to leave the house). We’ve had great wonderful amazing teachers and some not so great. It’s just like with a typical kid….but just different situations. Think of your son at 16 and how without any outside help or a “team” to help (because believe me you will need help because you will be exhausted and with twins coming I fear for your sanity). This is parenting and raising a child. You must advocate for him and as soon as those twins are born you can take action with him. You must presume competence and believe he can do it….staying inside the house is only going to make him feel worse about himself. I knew many people would get emotional over your post. As parents of kids who will teach us more about life than anything else I hope all the comments help. Someone told me something a long time ago “it’s the other parents who will save you”. It’s proven to be right for me many times. Keep coming here to vent or ask questions. You will need the support and I hope your wife can let go of the fears she has. Your son deserves it., Non delayed 2 year olds speak and clap and point. 3 year olds can dress themselves. By 3 most no longer bite regularly. By 4 and 5 kids start to learn buttons and other self care skills. If your son is 6 and can’t do these things he’s not a little behind, he is significantly delayed. It’s not just on your wife. You’ve allowed him to not get help too. It’s time to take action, I'm sorry but, this is child abuse. You need to advocate for him even if it means going against your wife's wishes. This is about your son, he is a child and needs an adult to speak up for him and do what's best for him. You can take your child to a Doctor and tell them what is going on, they will help you, you are your son's father and have every right to seek care for your child. That poor little boy needs someone in his life to do the right thing for him and think about his needs first.. Your son is unable to communicate and will live a very difficult life without therapy and early intervention. It's almost cruel to deny him this help, he will struggle so much without it. Therapy has come so far and will help him in so many ways to improve his life and help him to be able to regulate and manage his feelings and emotions. There is speech therapy, occupational therapy, play therapy etc etc there are other options than ABA. I sympathize with your wife's past experience but she needs to go to therapy herself to deal with these issues because it's negatively affecting your son's development and future., Sounds like your wife's ego is trumping your son's needs. She can be present for his therapies so she can ensure they go well. Your son can't advocate for himself so he's dependent on the adults in his life to make sure he gets what he needs. Your wife's priorities are not in alignment with your child's best interest. Maybe your wife needs her own therapy to work thru her our things. If she doesn't want someone else delivering his therapies maybe she can get trained on how to do them and deliver them herself. I'm sad you your family that more babies are being introduced into an already nonworking situation., Getting an assessment/diagnosis is really important imo. It doesn’t prescribe what you do next - if your child is ASD you can explore what to do - or not do - afterwards. Our lg is nearly 4 and was diagnosed this year. Developmentally she’s more like a two-year-old. She starts school next year and her diagnosis has been key to ensuring she’ll get the extra support she needs. We’re in the UK and ASD is regarded as a disability with legal protections. She has speech therapy and Portage who’ve helped her preschool SEN person understand know how to support her. We’ve all worked together to apply for legally protected accommodations when she starts school. Because she’s still so young, we don’t know what the future holds for her or what struggles she may encounter. Her speech and other skills have improved so much in the last year, but that’s been because we can all understand her better. Because she has a diagnosis, she’s not being forced to ‘conform’ or left to struggle with things she finds difficult. The extra help she’s getting is rooted in identifying what she struggles with - and may always struggle with - and finding ways to help her develop and engage in her own way. We suspect my husband is ASD. The first half of his schooling was awful and although put in ‘special needs’ classes, neither his parents or teachers bothered to delve deeper into how to support him. He muddled through and went on to become an engineer - but it was painful and lonely. He was sceptical about getting our lg assessed to start with - worried that she’d be labelled and wouldn’t be able to just be herself (he’s fully supportive now and blown away by how much she’s thriving compared to his own experience). But her diagnosis isn’t a label. It’s useful now because it’s ensuring she’s getting early support. Preschool life is noisy, hectic and confusing when you don’t understand everything that’s happening and all the social cues and interactions. Without her diagnosis it would be easy to see her as ‘just’ shy/uncooperative/emotional/unwilling to take part in group activities and a bit ‘behind’ in knowledge and speech compared to her peers - and just leave her to it or force her to ‘join in’. Helping her understand and responding to her needs if she feels overwhelmed, means she loves going to preschool and is very excited to go to ‘big school’. The staff also help other children be tolerant of her and create small group scenarios where she’s more comfortable interacting and isn’t an outsider. She may always need support or accommodations in study and work. Or, like her dad, she may find her own way. But either way, I see her diagnosis as a secret weapon she can use at any point in life if she needs it. When she’s older it’ll be her choice, but for now I want her to have every opportunity to reach her full potential - whatever that may be - and for her and her new school to understand why she may struggle with some things and need a helping hand. OP it sounds like your wife had a really negative experience but she needs to be onboard. At least here in the UK, diagnosis doesn’t mean a child is forced into certain therapies - in fact, it’s the opposite. You may be signposted to additional services but it’s on the parents to decide what to do and action anything. Your child doesn’t have to have the same experience as your wife. But it sounds like a softly-softly approach is what’s needed and that your wife may have traumas from her experience that she needs to work through. In my experience at least, any support we’ve had has been built around our daughter in a wonderfully positive way. It’s all led by her and at her pace and I wouldn’t have it any other way., This is pretty significant neglect driven by her own personal trauma. Maybe you could try a different direction. I think your wife needs some counseling. If she could get help with her trauma maybe she could accept help for your child. Your child is probably much closer to level 3 and he needs intervention asap. You must advocate for him. You need to do some reading on how early intervention helps and what the outcomes are without it. Now you have two more children coming. You both need help and right now, Please take your son to the pediatrician. You are his father. Get your son the care he needs., Based on what you described, your wife’s homeschooling isn’t working. He definitely needs therapy whether that’s speech and/or occupational therapy. You can always look into therapies/therapists that don’t use ABA principles - sit in a couple of sessions if that helps. You can choose between centre based therapy or home therapy depending on where you live. Alternatively, you can start with a PECs book and work yourself up to AAC systems or even sign language. You can create a PECs book or order a simple one to start with from online. Sometimes a therapist might create one for you (this is what we did). Please do your research and see what type of supports are available for your son near you. Always remember you are his advocate and his voice. Speak up even if it’s against your wife. I know you state you can’t do anything against your wife’s wishes, so openly discuss this with her. Just because she chose to talk when she did, doesn’t mean your son will be like that. It sounds like he has higher needs than your wife did. Remind your wife that every Autistic person is different. Neither one of you will really know until you get his official diagnosis done rather than assuming his level of support required. Focus on your son’s needs before it’s too late., ABA, especially back in the day, was horrible and her experience is typical of that era. There are great autism therapies that avoid ABA entirely. OT, PT, Speech, Autism Skills Social Group Therapy, etc. It will help your child immensely to get him diagnosed. Trust me. The non-ABA interventions help a lot. I would probably do this if I were you: explain that you will not pursue ABA at all, and that the interventions are much better now than in her day., I'm also an Autistic mom who homeschools and is against ABA. Offer up OT and speech therapies. We use a private clinic, and they have a very play based approach and let me sit in on sessions in the beginning. It might take a bit to find the perfect fit for your family. You can also forgo the Autism Evaluation and diagnosis and still receive these therapies. Insurance just won't cover as many sessions. We did get the evaluation and diagnosis as it was apparent that my son really needed the support and was thriving with the therapies. We started off with 3 (half hour long) sessions per week, and now we are at 2 (half hour long) sessions per week. There are in home options, but we use in clinic., This is neglect. Seek appropriate and non abusive help, Put bluntly, what she is doing is abuse in the form of negligent parenting. It is obvious something is not normal. You do not need her permission to take him to be evaluated. Make the appointments with your info and make this happen. ABA therapy is not what it used to be. My kid does mostly play therapy., You are a parent. TAKE ACTION. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE., Honestly it’s at the point where your marriage needs to be done. Your wife might be dealing with past trauma, but she’s literally doing everything she can to keep your son from being diagnosed and treated. She’s extremely downplaying your son’s situation. Your son can’t advocate for him self, so you need to for him. By now he should be diagnosed, getting services, and be in a school setting equipped to handle his needs. You need to think long term here. Get him in with a developmental pediatrician and start the ball rolling for a diagnosis. If your wife has a problem with it, then too bad for her., I hate the politics and history surrounding Autism. It destroyed kids life and is having further effect on kids today. First Therapy: You and your wife need to be in couples therapy with someone who understand Autism. Your wife needs help. You need help getting though this. Your wife also needs to go back to therapy. Not ABA. Trauma therapy. Her fears of the mental health industry are deserved and need to be acknowledged, processed, and worked though. Things are getting better from my recent experience. The mental health industry is starting to do what it was originally supposed to do. Actually help people. On ABA: ABA therapy rightfully has its reason to be feared if you know its history. The main problem with ABA was it was defect first not person first. It is also largely unregulated. This lead to individuals getting literally tortured to stop behavior. Finding a good one if you decide to go that route is important. From what I hear it has reformed. But it is not necessary to treat Autism. There are other methods to help. Some will work better then others. On speech: Your wife may or may not be correct on him speaking when he wants too. She is not correct on the seriousness of a 6 year old not speaking one word. He needs speech therapy at minimum. On IEP'sS: They are a lot better then what they used to be. The assessment can help force the school to provide the least restricted environment. Home school is the most restrictive. They used to stick everyone that caused severe issues into a separate class. My son's (Level 1) Autism assessment specifically forbids them from shipping him off to a separate class. It also highly encourages being put in a regular class room not home schooled. So he can learn the social skills from others. On Autism: A assessment is needed. There are other conditions that may lead to being non-verbal. Some of them are medically related. But get that assessment. You son does not want to grow up and wonder if he is Autistic. I tell you that as a late diagnosed individual. Reevaluating your entire life is not fun. Story time: I was that parent that pushed against getting my son assessed. I hated the mental health industry. I was against IEPs. I had very good reasons for doing so. I was misdiagnosed with BiPolar. I was put in a special needs class. Not for intellectual reasons. Simply because of my behavior. I did not want him to be treated differently. I wanted him to be treated like a human. Not some individual to be isolated away because others could not be bothered to deal with him. I thought my son was normal. I was wrong. His hardest struggle was the one the assessor noticed but we completely downplayed. I caved for the assessment for the following reasons: \* My wife thought she was a horrible parent. \* She identified communication needs (He was verbal) \* I identified he had communication needs. (Difficulty being understood). \* His communication was delayed. Apparently so was mine. (Verbal but difficulty being understood not up to standards). Fast forward 8 years. The conclusion I came to it was one of the best decisions I ever made. He is getting the exact level of help he needs. In the public school system. We paid for no extra treatments, medicine, or therapy. The public school system paid for it all. I am lucky however due to my school district you may not be as lucky. If you compare me and my son he is 4 years ahead developmentally. Get help. For you. For your Wife. For your son. You all need it., I understand your wife in a way. I felt very protective of who was going to influence my child , I was unhappy with the conduct of the “professionals”, and frightened of their negativity, when I felt I knew my child and what she needed. I opted out of ABA , instead we did puzzles , worked on phonics , jumped on trampoline, I drew a lot and she observed , I would hold her hand and draw until she suddenly took off . It was unconventional therapy . However we did go to speech , I did enrol her at preschool , she is in mainstream currently with an IEP. At the schools suggestion she has an OT to come to school to work on social skills. Luckily she is smart , reading, writing etc and an outstanding artist. I didn’t want my child to have a label but I didn’t want her cut off from her peers , I opted for label and a chance for her to have friends. Now she had lovely friends and they are much more effective at teaching her social skills than OT . I feel for your wife , I think I understand her fears . These days everyone has something , there isn’t that massive stigma anymore . If I had my time over I would have taught her sign language, you could learn that with your child . Honestly , we are the biggest influence in our child life , we need to tune into them , and keep trying to find what they need . Swimming is another excellent activity , it does encourage language . I swim with my daughter every Saturday. I’m sorry your son is still not verbally communicating. In your situation he would benefit from PECS. I think your wife needs people to listen to her fears and gently help her come to a more balanced place . Nothing is lost , your child has many years to grow ., I’m so sorry to say, I do understand that there are hundreds and thousands of kids and adults that are undiagnosed in the world however this case sounds extreme. This isnt oh my child is masking we never knew type case. I really hate to say this but this very well could be put down to neglect, abandonment and abuse. You see this ! Advocate for your child., Get your son evaluated, but don't go to treatment, most of them are shady or just hyped, and traumatic. There are no real treatment for autism. You can try ADHD meds, it may help, but it's depends on the person how it works out, I’m sorry if I’m sound off topic (don’t mean to ignore your questions but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of advice) . I’m fascinated at your wife’s claim that she was improperly subjected to ABA therapy as a teen. How was that possible? ABA wasn’t mainstreamed until the mid 90’s when the first BCBA was minted. Before then , it was still experimental. What’s more, the prescription had age and diagnostic criteria restrictions (assuming your wife is HF she wouldn’t have qualified for therapy, and particularly not as teen) . I’ve only heard of phony ABA public school classrooms that didn’t even have a BCBA to supervise, is that what happened to your wife? And it would have been in the early 90’s . I’m extremely curious, It is so important that a child be able to communicate in whatever way works for them, and that they be understood and supported. It sounds like your wife was hurt by ABA. But ABA is not the only option for supporting autistic children. [Here](https://autisticadvocacy.org/book/start-here/) is a resource from the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network that lays out some other options. Perhaps this group might have some credibility to your wife, as a group run by autistic individuals that doesn't favor the behavioral approach used in ABA., [removed], My kid is a level one but husband was strongly against the diagnosis due to the stigma. I agreed to not have her evaluated right away on the condition that she get specialized care (for us that was social skills and speech therapy) and go to a school where they would meet her particular needs without a diagnosis (in our case a small private school). Our school ended in 8th grade and I was able to convince husband to get her evaluated. If I had to give advice maybe start with a discussion on added supports (speech therapy etc) and go from there. Editing to add we have an educational advocate to handle 504 meetings - it might be worth it to bring this up as an option or even just have a meeting with one to discuss the special education landscape in your area., Her trauma is real but so is your sons right to treatment and assurance. Whatever that might be. She should get on board with a diagnosis at minimum. It doesn’t have to be ABA, but just developmental preschool or social groups at OT and ST can help!, From what you’ve describe he’s probably level 2 or 3 and he’s definitely on the spectrum ABA has changed since your wife went through that tough experience, You don’t need to have a medical diagnosis to start with early intervention - speech therapy, social skills groups, etc. For purposes of insurance coverage it helps to have a medical diagnosis, but it’s not necessary. We started speech and social skills group without a medical diagnosis. When my son was age 3. (Not real early actually as we were in denial.). Then we got a medical diagnosis and started ABA therapy. ABA therapy looks different for every different kid. It can take place in a daycare like setting or at home. It can be as simple as setting a routine for the kid, to bribing the kid to do something, etc. your kid has no chance of improving if you get no help. You don’t need to do ABA but you need to do something! Once the twins arrive I can’t even imagine how your wife will have time for you son. The path forward - for your sanity and marriage - is to enlist the help of third parties., She is projecting her experience on to your son and likely has a great deal of denial. I am incredibly empathetic to your wife and how difficult it must be to feel you are protecting your child and everyone else is trying to harm him, but I think she’s responding to her own experience rather than your son. I would validate all of her concerns and that her trauma is real and awful (and encourage her to find a therapist to process the trauma) but she and you are not her parents, your son is not her, and the choices she had then are not the ones she has now. The risks of doing nothing are much greater than trying services and interventions to see if your son benefits., Getting my son into therapy was scary but it has been the best thing for him. Early on, Developmental Intervention was the main therapy that helped us. As my son got older OT and Speech helped him instead. We decided to hold off on ABA for now (my son is 2). But one of the therapists told me that there are different types of ABA. Some facilities focus on compliance, which seems cruel to me. The other focuses on actually helping the kids work through their sensory and behavioral issues. We decided to keep our son out of daycare or preschool until he makes some more progress. Definitely get him evaluated. She’ll come around when she sees him making progress., I hate this, please get your child help. I don’t think I could be with my spouse if he wasn’t willing to do absolutely everything in our power to help our child not struggle. This makes me so sad to read., You need to talk to you wife. Your son needs someone who can advocate for him and that is YOU! Your wife is traumatized from her experiences with ABA but it has come a long way since her time. Don’t let her experiences get in the way of your son’s future. He is young and he would benefit greatly from therapy rather it be PT, OT, ST or ABA. Do your home on different services out there and try it out. If it doesn’t work or too traumatizing then go somewhere else. Give her that reassurance that you will do that for her. Given both your age and she appears to be highly functioning autistic individual because she has ABA as a teenager your twins may also carry the genes for autism. What are you all going to do then? Not get them the proper care and services they deserve. You guys are parents and need to do what’s best for them regardless of your own fears. If she doesn’t want to deal with the ABA then you take your son. At this age you can shape their behaviors. Best of luck!!!, If you don’t want to take your son at least go online research on what you can do with your child to help him improve or work on his skills., I can't speak for her obviously, but maybe she knows (consciously or not) that he has autism, but was so traumatized by her own experience that she thinks this is the only way to protect and care for him., It’s honestly so shocking. I work in child protection as well as having an autistic son and usually only see this in pretty significant neglect cases., The more I read this post, the more abhorrent it becomes. OP is just shrugging his shoulders, he barely has an understanding of autism himself. This child is obviously in need of intervention, anyone doing 5 minutes of googling could see his son is NOT level 1. It's weaponized incompetence at its worst. Literally his only excuse for letting his son get to this point is, "but my wife." Wife didn't believe in *any* medical intervention, she clearly isn't equipped to take care of their son properly, they're expecting *twins* when ASD is highly heritable, and they're both pushing their 50s with seemingly no acknowledgement that there's a good chance their son will need long-term care if they keep going down this path. I just can't imagine why alarm bells aren't screaming in this man's skull 24/7. They're screaming in *mine*, and I'm just an internet stranger., This sounds more like a level 3 child which is normally where you'll find non verbal and aggressive autistic children. Not always the case, but often is., There are so many other types of therapy this child could have been getting! I am beside myself! We never pursued ABA for my kid and he still did OT, PT, ST, and social skills therapy!And horseback riding therapy! BESIDE MYSELF, You also need to think about the babies coming. They will be in real danger if your wife is home with all three of them. There’s not enough of her to go around and he could hurt them. Your wife is wrong, OP. You can be kind and loving but you must help your son., THIS! Please put your child first. Your wife is extremely wrong in this situation and it's honestly cruel to not speak up and advocate for your son. If it means getting CPS involved to get him help, you need to do it., We have a diagnosis and received zero therapies. All in all it was pointless for us. But I'm glad I have it anyway, in case we need it in the future., Exactly right. If the wife neglects the first kid's needs, there is no reason to trust that she'll take any medical needs seriously for the twins. OP needs to be prepared to remove these kids from this mother., And HIS! A parent who doesn’t safeguard their child from the other abusive parent puts their own custody in danger because they are not protecting their child., I agree here. This is one of the most extreme examples of parental denial I’ve heard — all to the child’s detriment., Yep, absolutely child abuse., I also thought immediately of that ‘entirely broken’ post from a few days ago. Here’s hoping OP reads that one., Trauma is a logical reason. Try to convince her step by step. Just the assessment first without any other intervention. Then let life goes on a bit, then try with type of therapies your wife didn't experienced yet?, Especially with twin babies!! Homeschooling is definitely not going to be happening once these new babies arrive. This sounds like a dangerous situation., We have an Autistic speech therapist in our special needs homeschool group, so they definitely do exist., Wanted to add that our therapy clinic does not report to any school district. It's just a medical diagnosis, not an educational diagnosis. It is on his medical record, but I find it is really helpful when he does have to go to a new doctor for a specific issue. They already have it on file and know what to expect and how to handle certain situations. The school district has no information on him unless we go and file for it., This lady is in complete (to the point of neglectful) denial of her son’s disability, and won’t get trained or help. Apparently, when he needs medical attention, she won’t get him that either. And somehow you’re surprised you caught her in a potential untruth about her experiences with ABA? Like….uh, yeah…highly plausible you did., Why is this getting downvoted? The history does not back this up and the story is fishy. A 48 year old would have been 13 in 1988/15 in 1991. Where exactly where they getting “ABA” therapy as a teen in the late 80s?, ?!?, That's how it sounds to me too. She doesn't want him to be harmed by therapy the way she was. Which is an understandable desire/fear, BUT she's generalizing as a result of her own trauma and it's leading to her son getting no help or care at all. Her son getting an official diagnosis and then treatment does not mean he has to experience the same things she did. She needs to be open to exploring other therapy options because doing nothing is obviously not working., Yup. Maybe a good relatively neutral start would be family counseling to figure out everything that is going on. Rather than just trying to bulldoze the wife., I had teachers recommend to my parents to get me help with ADHD (or ADD back then) and my parents refused. They totally stigmatized it. I really hold it against them for not getting me help when the signs were there, but the mother in OPs post is so much worse than what I experienced., In Canada it takes years just to be evaluated., I also don't understand why, in 6 years, he hasn't chosen to educate himself, so he can explain to his wife exactly why assessment is necessary, I just reread “until our son became very sick, she was also against any medical intervention” and it has really left me with an incredibly uneasy feeling about this situation as a whole. My daughter is nonverbal and ruling out medical issues is just a common occurrence for us just to be on the safe side when her behavior changes. I’m so sad for this little boy. :(, Yes I completely avoid ABA but my son did speech and is now in public preschool with an IEP., My son has received zero therapies for his autism because we live in the UK, and there are basically no approved therapies for autism under the NHS. There is physical therapy but his motor skills weren't bad enough to qualify for it. We tried to get help for his anxiety for which there is evidence of help, and were discharged with no therapy given. At school they tried various interventions under the guidance of an educational psychologist. Unfortunately these did not help and made my son's behaviour worse and worse and more and more scared to attend school. In the end I was forced to withdraw him from school and home educate. At home I'm attempting to do exposure therapy by putting him in "school-y" situations and it's very slow going, he's still extremely reactive around most anything that resembles school. In retrospect I wish I had done what OP's wife did and not tried it at all, because he now has school trauma that is exceedingly hard to undo. Part of the reason the NHS hasn't found these therapies to be cost effective is that a lot of the perceived benefits for therapies are on the parent's side and the clinician's side; when you blind the studies, they get significantly less effective if effective at all. If OP's wife finds she has a nocebo reaction to therapy, that's no less legitimate than the parents that are getting a placebo effect., I hate being dramatic, and reddit is full of the overly dramatic, but damn right I wouldn't be allowing this level of neglect of my children., Every major city has SLP (Speech therapists) who specialize in autism., Valid point, I’m just on a personal mission to find what seems to be a unicorn, I see many other anti-ABA folk here saying they had OP’s wife experience, none of them elaborates when and how it happened so I assume they are pissed to get exposed ?, I had the same experience. Kindergarten teacher wanted me evaluated for add and learning disabilities. My mother told her nothing was wrong with me and for the teacher to give me more busy work and she would give me more spankings for misbehaving. I've never forgotten that conversation. My brother was able to be evaluated and put in speech therapy and gifted and talented program. But wasn't diagnosed adhd until he got evaluated as an adult., Yeah I don’t blame you. The parents here have really set their son back. At this rate by the time he’s a teen he’ll still be non verbal, in diapers and violent and miserable. It’s so sad., The part where he says that she doesn't want to enroll their child in public school because they will put him in an IEP is very telling., I'm also in the UK and am currently fighting the system for my child. They are no longer attending school as it is doing more harm than good. EHCP with a view for EOTAS ongoing. It's a hard battle, but the support I receive from agencies, charities, and yes, the NHS are all helping. Ignoring the situation and trying to home school myself would have devastating effects on my child. I am in no way equipped to teach GCSE level whilst working FT., As others have said, I specifically mean a provider who is autistic themselves. It's a completely different experience for an autistic parent to get to work with autistic providers. We've gone through a lot of therapists who specialize in autistic kids who couldn't read my kids' body language. I'm not going to spend my time and money to translate for a therapist. Might as well do it all myself at that point., Sorry if that was not clear. The speech therapist is actually Autistic herself., Not the same as having a therapist who IS autistic themselves., and why is that the most important thing to you in a situation where a parent is trying to figure out how to navigate the fact that his wife is severely neglecting their child?, For me it was my 4th grade teacher that told my mother in private to get me help for ADD. My mom later told me about it and told me about how she gave my teacher the business for even suggesting it and told me how I didn't need to be put on pills. That was her main concern, medication. I didn't think much of it at the time, but she told me this at least 25 years ago and as I have gotten older and gained more understanding of myself and the struggles I went through, that conversation sticks out to me more and more. I don't want to fail my son the same way my mother failed me., We tried and failed to get EOTAS, so we are self funding. We're currently in KS3, so not GCSE age yet. I am hopeful he'll recover enough from school trauma before getting to GCSE age, but we're not there yet. There are lots of online classes available ranging from fairly cheap (we like [https://courses.the2poundtuitionhub.com/](https://courses.the2poundtuitionhub.com/)) to more expensive. Ideally the LA would pay for this but they are not. We also have a private tutor who has previously worked at various special schools. We're also fortunate to live in a fairly large city where you can pay privately for GCSE science practicals only at a private school, so you can do the GSCE instead of the iGCSE. The problem is one of my son's triggers in particular are science labs. They run a KS3 practical as well and unfortunately he's not at a stage yet where I can trust him to attend by himself. I am hopeful we get there, but there are no guarantees. I have had to step back from my career as it's definitely impossible to do whilst working full time. Luckily both my husband and I work from home, and I only work part-time. It's not easy, but it is doable. My husband is an academic and teaches university and graduate level course, as did I when I was in graduate school. We're both fairly equipped between the two of us to teach nearly every subject all the way up to A level, and the rest I outsource (for instance, my son takes Latin online, and has a piano teacher, as I can't teach those.) Good luck to you getting EOTAS, I really hope you get it. In the end it was cheaper and easier for us to self-fund than to pay for a lawyer, advocate, and private therapy to "prove" we needed it, but it is frustrating to have to do this ourselves when the LA should be doing it., True, As I said, I apologize ahead if I sounded insensitive to this parent situation . I was hoping to learn about a legitimate case of an autistic adult older than 20 years old that received ABA therapy, when I ask people making these claims online about when and how that happened they just insult me or block me, ABA was developed in the 1970s. There are a lot more kids going through it now but it didn’t start in 2010. [The man who speaks about his childhood experience with ABA in this piece is 29 years old now.](https://whyy.org/segments/how-a-therapy-once-seen-as-a-victory-for-autistic-kids-has-come-under-fire-as-abuse/)

Will I ever be able to have a conversation with my autistic 4 year old? Looking for hope please.

Diagnosed with autism at 2 years old and have been doing SLP. At this point my 4 year old mainly communicates with questions - ie do you want the pink or red shirt? She can make some original statements (ie “I want a cheeseburger”). I so yearn for the day where we can have a back and forth conversation, ask about how her day was, and even from a safety perspective make sure she had not been bullied/mistreated. Will we ever get here? I often have bouts of hopelessness and I am having a hard time getting past this feeling.

My daughter is almost 7 and non conversational. Today, for the time ever, she asked me if her noodles were done cooking. I couldn’t believe it. Hang in there. Anything is possible!, My son only talked in questions. He is almost 7 now and about half of what he says is still in question form. I stopped asking him questions and it helped. Instead of asking if he wanted a red shirt or a pink shirt I would say something more along the lines of “today we have 2 choices, red or pink. Tell me which one you want to wear.” It helped to cut out choice questions but I still give him choices. Sometimes he will still respond like “Do I want the red shirt?” But it’s definitely improving. He has been in speech since he was 2., Your child already showing a lot of important steps required to achieve conversational speech. There’s a book called “teach me how to talk” and opened the doorway up for us to realize how many steps are needed before you get to that point. It gave us activities to do and we got to make inventory of the positives and where he is at and then you focus there. Wishing you well!, My son was non verbal until 3.5-4 years old. By 4.5 he had a few words. By kindergarten he was taking all the time. When I picked him up after school he would talk the entire ride home. He started school a few months before he turned 6. He seemed to have a language explosion from about 4.5-6 years old. I also wondered for a long time if I would ever be able to have a conversation with my son. He is turning 18 this year. He doesn’t like to talk as much as he did as a kindergartner though but has no problems in a conversation. At least with people he knows. He’s very quiet and shy with those he doesn’t know., I would say so? My son is 5.5 and I’m feeling very good about his language! I was in a similar place around 4 as well., I’m in the same boat as you. 4yo non-conversational. I’m still basking in awe that she’s using words (non-verbal until almost 4th birthday)… I have hope for both of us. Stay strong 💚, Not a parent, but I been asking Mom a lot lately about what I was like growing up. I had difficulty talking until I was about 6 according to her. After that point she says it seems like everything clicked with me. Now she can't get me to shut up at almost 30 haha, My son is 7 and has started having short conversations., I was on the same boat, he started asking questions, reading books, and randomly started chatting. He hasn’t been quiet since then. I think it’s different for every kid. My son is 4 as well. Please, don’t give up on hope., My son is 10, we did ABA for around 4 years. He was non verbal until about 5, somewhat conversational around 6-7. One thing I noticed by accident was he is much more attentive and open to have a discussion with me if I use a sock puppet or plush toy he likes. I have been where you are and it is rough. One thing I can say is you will cherish every moment of communication when it happens and I promise those moments will help. Keep it up, your doing awesome., My son was about where yours was at 4. He’s now 7, and he’s definitely conversational; although, he likes to control the topic. Haha., My baby girl was the exact same way. She still does sometimes, but we’re starting to have more back and forth conversation and it brings tears to my eyes. Hang in there. Look up gestalt learning. She likely learns in phrases. Respond by answering her questions. i.e, “I dont want the pink shirt. Do you want the pink shirt? Yes or no?She’ll start to answer with yes or no. My daughter was diagnosed at 2, she will be 6 in September. Every single day gets better. You got this! Stay patient and have fun with her! Sending HOPE 💙, As hard as it is, enjoy the journey. I remember being where you are. My son really took off once he started picking up language (around 4 years old) but there were times where I felt hopeless. Today he talks about EVERYTHING. Just keep up the hope and talk to him about everything, he will follow your lead. You got this., My daughter was mostly scripting at that age, and answering wh-questions took the longest (who, what, where). She still has some difficulty, but we converse and she doesn’t script as much., Mine is 20 and spoke the same way, all questions until he was a bit older 9 or 10. He now speaks just fine., From what various therapists have said to me, speech is like a ladder or a mountain. Your kid has to get comfortable at one level and basically master those skills before they can go up to the next level. However, if your kid is climbing that ladder, they will more than likely continue to progress. So, yes, I genuinely think you have every reason to believe your child will be conversational one day, especially if he has hit that level of forming original sentences at only 4., Yes and no. As your child grows older their vocabulary will likely increase, but the issues with being able to VERBALIZE their thoughts will likely remain to some extent or another. That doesn't mean all hope is lost. There's also been plenty of cases where a severely autistic and completely none verbal adult can communicate via typing what they want to say, or by putting together pictures The speech barrier exists, but it doesn't mean that the child doesn't have the thoughts or lacks the mental capacity to know what they want or need to say. But that they can't verbalize or express it. It's like being trapped inside their own mind, without the ability to communicate. That's why patience and understanding are extremely important, because even if they don't seem to be able to understand what they need to say, often times the outburst from trying to force it is due to the frustration of not being able to verbalize it. But communication can come in many forms. Stephen Hawkins had no way to speak or communicate without the computer, but the intent is there. The issue is and always will be finding a way for them to be able to communicate. And when you're able to help them find it, it makes things a lot easier for both of you. I hope this helps, I know it's hard., At least your child can talk. Mine can’t at all, only says one word at a time if that, and not correctly, and cannot make conversation at all. He’s 3, turning 4 this year - I know there is still time and we are getting help but it’s very hard. Your child is at least asking you things, Same boat as many here. Unfortunately covid really screwed him as we had to stop just as he was catching his stride in speech therapy. We tried online during the lockdowns but it just wasn’t the same. We only got to restart after everything died down but we already lost a couple of years. He’s already back in therapy and he’s so much more verbal and conversational. Therapists are magicians. Just don’t lose hope, listen to their instruction and do your part at home., My LO started talking this way around 3. Nearly 5 and a lot more “conversational” albeit a lot of it is scripting, Your child is likely a gestalt language processor. I’d highly recommend looking into that for strategies. That will likely help :) it was life changing for me., This is amazing. 🤩, Aww congratulations mama, that is so exciting! Thank you for the hope., This is great and what I was just told by a CDA. No questions just options and make him pick whether it’s with a gesture of pointing or a word., Hi there, at what age did you stop the question form of communication to him? I was actually thinking today that maybe I am hindering my (newly) three year olds social communication skills by utilizing the low demand, question form style of requests. However, he is very demand avoidant and this style works best currently., Thank you so much, I think I probably need to try to stop asking questions and see if that helps as well., Thank you so much! I am going to order that book, is this the right one? https://teachmetotalk.com/product/teach-talk-therapy-manual/, Amazing, thank you!!, This gives me some hope. My son turned 2 in December and does not speak. I worry so often that he never will. I have him in early intervention, speech therapy, and he will begin occupational therapy soon, so I'm not sure what else I should be doing to facilitate the development of his abilities., That is so great to hear!!, Thank you! Yes that perspective of being grateful for how far they’ve already come is a good one ❤️🙏🏽, Oh amazing, can’t wait till it all clicks for her and hoping I can have chats like that with her when she’s an adult too ❤️, That’s so great to hear!! And I can definitely see controlling the topic being the case for us too haha, Thank you so much, I’m so excited to get there one day, appreciate the hope ❤️, Yes the wh questions seem to be the hardest for us! That gives me hope! Can I ask how old your daughter is now?, I love this description, thank you!!, I think he was probably about 4 1/2. We waited until he was being verbal consistently before we changed anything. He didn’t talk for a long time, probably like 3 or 3 1/2. When he did he started using almost all questions and still didn’t really communicate wants/needs. That has really changed in the last month. It’s amazing that he’s been having such big improvements. I really thought we would never have an actual conversation, but here we are! A lot of time he wasn’t making progress for months at a time and it’s tempting to think the therapies aren’t having an impact but it really does! He has been in speech and OT since 2 and has speech twice a week and OT once a week. Edited to add: It’s great that you’re aware of it. I think that’s the most important thing because you can monitor behavior and adjust accordingly!, When we did our first few aba and speech sessions that was something they both advised me to stop doing. Instead we offered options and we get our answer. Currently now working on him answering questions yes or no and I have faith we will get there!, Yes that’s the one! It really breaks this all down and helps you know where to start which for us was all about floor time and playing one on one and to be able to tell where our son was at. Also videos of Laura Mize really helped us in the starting too!, At first I thought maybe his language delay was because my mom babysat him almost daily while I went to college and she was always speaking in Tagalog. So he was exposed to two languages and from what I read online kids exposed to two languages sometimes speak later than kids exposed and only learning one (idk if this has changed but this is what I found through research almost 18 years ago)., You’re doing great with those things! My son was in speech for over a year before he talked. The most important thing you can be doing is just looking out for him! It’s important for me to make sure my son’s therapists are doing their jobs and being super consistent. I honestly think the best decision I’ve ever made for him was switching his speech therapist. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s sounds like you’re doing a great job for your son!, In person in clinic ABA is what got my 2 year old to finally start talk (was not diagnosed at the time but receiving ABA). In home ABA did not work for us., Also trust me, I get it. I have bouts of panic worrying that she’s gotten bullied or mistreated and can’t verbalize it to me. Especially when she’s grumpy or sad. I prayer for at least the ability for her to express herself in those circumstances. We just gotta keep working with our little ones and keep the bonds strong., She’s 17. She still has some trouble wrapping her head around some questions, but she started to understand them when she was in 4-5th grade. She isn’t always grammatically correct when she speaks, but other people besides me can understand her so I don’t have to play translator anymore., All your advice is solid! Always, always choices for them to make so they feel in control and not you deciding for them. This definitely helps open up conversation even if it’s small., It is so hard to cope with the unknown. Yes I absolutely need to focus on keeping the bond strong too, thank you ❤️, This is so inspiring, thank you!! ❤️, My daughter is almost 7 and non conversational. Today, for the time ever, she asked me if her noodles were done cooking. I couldn’t believe it. Hang in there. Anything is possible!, My son only talked in questions. He is almost 7 now and about half of what he says is still in question form. I stopped asking him questions and it helped. Instead of asking if he wanted a red shirt or a pink shirt I would say something more along the lines of “today we have 2 choices, red or pink. Tell me which one you want to wear.” It helped to cut out choice questions but I still give him choices. Sometimes he will still respond like “Do I want the red shirt?” But it’s definitely improving. He has been in speech since he was 2., Your child already showing a lot of important steps required to achieve conversational speech. There’s a book called “teach me how to talk” and opened the doorway up for us to realize how many steps are needed before you get to that point. It gave us activities to do and we got to make inventory of the positives and where he is at and then you focus there. Wishing you well!, My son was non verbal until 3.5-4 years old. By 4.5 he had a few words. By kindergarten he was taking all the time. When I picked him up after school he would talk the entire ride home. He started school a few months before he turned 6. He seemed to have a language explosion from about 4.5-6 years old. I also wondered for a long time if I would ever be able to have a conversation with my son. He is turning 18 this year. He doesn’t like to talk as much as he did as a kindergartner though but has no problems in a conversation. At least with people he knows. He’s very quiet and shy with those he doesn’t know., I would say so? My son is 5.5 and I’m feeling very good about his language! I was in a similar place around 4 as well., I’m in the same boat as you. 4yo non-conversational. I’m still basking in awe that she’s using words (non-verbal until almost 4th birthday)… I have hope for both of us. Stay strong 💚, Not a parent, but I been asking Mom a lot lately about what I was like growing up. I had difficulty talking until I was about 6 according to her. After that point she says it seems like everything clicked with me. Now she can't get me to shut up at almost 30 haha, My son is 7 and has started having short conversations., I was on the same boat, he started asking questions, reading books, and randomly started chatting. He hasn’t been quiet since then. I think it’s different for every kid. My son is 4 as well. Please, don’t give up on hope., My son is 10, we did ABA for around 4 years. He was non verbal until about 5, somewhat conversational around 6-7. One thing I noticed by accident was he is much more attentive and open to have a discussion with me if I use a sock puppet or plush toy he likes. I have been where you are and it is rough. One thing I can say is you will cherish every moment of communication when it happens and I promise those moments will help. Keep it up, your doing awesome., My son was about where yours was at 4. He’s now 7, and he’s definitely conversational; although, he likes to control the topic. Haha., My baby girl was the exact same way. She still does sometimes, but we’re starting to have more back and forth conversation and it brings tears to my eyes. Hang in there. Look up gestalt learning. She likely learns in phrases. Respond by answering her questions. i.e, “I dont want the pink shirt. Do you want the pink shirt? Yes or no?She’ll start to answer with yes or no. My daughter was diagnosed at 2, she will be 6 in September. Every single day gets better. You got this! Stay patient and have fun with her! Sending HOPE 💙, As hard as it is, enjoy the journey. I remember being where you are. My son really took off once he started picking up language (around 4 years old) but there were times where I felt hopeless. Today he talks about EVERYTHING. Just keep up the hope and talk to him about everything, he will follow your lead. You got this., My daughter was mostly scripting at that age, and answering wh-questions took the longest (who, what, where). She still has some difficulty, but we converse and she doesn’t script as much., Mine is 20 and spoke the same way, all questions until he was a bit older 9 or 10. He now speaks just fine., From what various therapists have said to me, speech is like a ladder or a mountain. Your kid has to get comfortable at one level and basically master those skills before they can go up to the next level. However, if your kid is climbing that ladder, they will more than likely continue to progress. So, yes, I genuinely think you have every reason to believe your child will be conversational one day, especially if he has hit that level of forming original sentences at only 4., Yes and no. As your child grows older their vocabulary will likely increase, but the issues with being able to VERBALIZE their thoughts will likely remain to some extent or another. That doesn't mean all hope is lost. There's also been plenty of cases where a severely autistic and completely none verbal adult can communicate via typing what they want to say, or by putting together pictures The speech barrier exists, but it doesn't mean that the child doesn't have the thoughts or lacks the mental capacity to know what they want or need to say. But that they can't verbalize or express it. It's like being trapped inside their own mind, without the ability to communicate. That's why patience and understanding are extremely important, because even if they don't seem to be able to understand what they need to say, often times the outburst from trying to force it is due to the frustration of not being able to verbalize it. But communication can come in many forms. Stephen Hawkins had no way to speak or communicate without the computer, but the intent is there. The issue is and always will be finding a way for them to be able to communicate. And when you're able to help them find it, it makes things a lot easier for both of you. I hope this helps, I know it's hard., At least your child can talk. Mine can’t at all, only says one word at a time if that, and not correctly, and cannot make conversation at all. He’s 3, turning 4 this year - I know there is still time and we are getting help but it’s very hard. Your child is at least asking you things, Same boat as many here. Unfortunately covid really screwed him as we had to stop just as he was catching his stride in speech therapy. We tried online during the lockdowns but it just wasn’t the same. We only got to restart after everything died down but we already lost a couple of years. He’s already back in therapy and he’s so much more verbal and conversational. Therapists are magicians. Just don’t lose hope, listen to their instruction and do your part at home., My LO started talking this way around 3. Nearly 5 and a lot more “conversational” albeit a lot of it is scripting, Your child is likely a gestalt language processor. I’d highly recommend looking into that for strategies. That will likely help :) it was life changing for me., This is amazing. 🤩, Aww congratulations mama, that is so exciting! Thank you for the hope., This is great and what I was just told by a CDA. No questions just options and make him pick whether it’s with a gesture of pointing or a word., Hi there, at what age did you stop the question form of communication to him? I was actually thinking today that maybe I am hindering my (newly) three year olds social communication skills by utilizing the low demand, question form style of requests. However, he is very demand avoidant and this style works best currently., Thank you so much, I think I probably need to try to stop asking questions and see if that helps as well., Thank you so much! I am going to order that book, is this the right one? https://teachmetotalk.com/product/teach-talk-therapy-manual/, Amazing, thank you!!, This gives me some hope. My son turned 2 in December and does not speak. I worry so often that he never will. I have him in early intervention, speech therapy, and he will begin occupational therapy soon, so I'm not sure what else I should be doing to facilitate the development of his abilities., That is so great to hear!!, Thank you! Yes that perspective of being grateful for how far they’ve already come is a good one ❤️🙏🏽, Oh amazing, can’t wait till it all clicks for her and hoping I can have chats like that with her when she’s an adult too ❤️, That’s so great to hear!! And I can definitely see controlling the topic being the case for us too haha, Thank you so much, I’m so excited to get there one day, appreciate the hope ❤️, Yes the wh questions seem to be the hardest for us! That gives me hope! Can I ask how old your daughter is now?, I love this description, thank you!!, I think he was probably about 4 1/2. We waited until he was being verbal consistently before we changed anything. He didn’t talk for a long time, probably like 3 or 3 1/2. When he did he started using almost all questions and still didn’t really communicate wants/needs. That has really changed in the last month. It’s amazing that he’s been having such big improvements. I really thought we would never have an actual conversation, but here we are! A lot of time he wasn’t making progress for months at a time and it’s tempting to think the therapies aren’t having an impact but it really does! He has been in speech and OT since 2 and has speech twice a week and OT once a week. Edited to add: It’s great that you’re aware of it. I think that’s the most important thing because you can monitor behavior and adjust accordingly!, When we did our first few aba and speech sessions that was something they both advised me to stop doing. Instead we offered options and we get our answer. Currently now working on him answering questions yes or no and I have faith we will get there!, Yes that’s the one! It really breaks this all down and helps you know where to start which for us was all about floor time and playing one on one and to be able to tell where our son was at. Also videos of Laura Mize really helped us in the starting too!, At first I thought maybe his language delay was because my mom babysat him almost daily while I went to college and she was always speaking in Tagalog. So he was exposed to two languages and from what I read online kids exposed to two languages sometimes speak later than kids exposed and only learning one (idk if this has changed but this is what I found through research almost 18 years ago)., You’re doing great with those things! My son was in speech for over a year before he talked. The most important thing you can be doing is just looking out for him! It’s important for me to make sure my son’s therapists are doing their jobs and being super consistent. I honestly think the best decision I’ve ever made for him was switching his speech therapist. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s sounds like you’re doing a great job for your son!, In person in clinic ABA is what got my 2 year old to finally start talk (was not diagnosed at the time but receiving ABA). In home ABA did not work for us., Also trust me, I get it. I have bouts of panic worrying that she’s gotten bullied or mistreated and can’t verbalize it to me. Especially when she’s grumpy or sad. I prayer for at least the ability for her to express herself in those circumstances. We just gotta keep working with our little ones and keep the bonds strong., She’s 17. She still has some trouble wrapping her head around some questions, but she started to understand them when she was in 4-5th grade. She isn’t always grammatically correct when she speaks, but other people besides me can understand her so I don’t have to play translator anymore., All your advice is solid! Always, always choices for them to make so they feel in control and not you deciding for them. This definitely helps open up conversation even if it’s small., It is so hard to cope with the unknown. Yes I absolutely need to focus on keeping the bond strong too, thank you ❤️, This is so inspiring, thank you!! ❤️, My daughter is almost 7 and non conversational. Today, for the time ever, she asked me if her noodles were done cooking. I couldn’t believe it. Hang in there. Anything is possible!, My son only talked in questions. He is almost 7 now and about half of what he says is still in question form. I stopped asking him questions and it helped. Instead of asking if he wanted a red shirt or a pink shirt I would say something more along the lines of “today we have 2 choices, red or pink. Tell me which one you want to wear.” It helped to cut out choice questions but I still give him choices. Sometimes he will still respond like “Do I want the red shirt?” But it’s definitely improving. He has been in speech since he was 2., Your child already showing a lot of important steps required to achieve conversational speech. There’s a book called “teach me how to talk” and opened the doorway up for us to realize how many steps are needed before you get to that point. It gave us activities to do and we got to make inventory of the positives and where he is at and then you focus there. Wishing you well!, My son was non verbal until 3.5-4 years old. By 4.5 he had a few words. By kindergarten he was taking all the time. When I picked him up after school he would talk the entire ride home. He started school a few months before he turned 6. He seemed to have a language explosion from about 4.5-6 years old. I also wondered for a long time if I would ever be able to have a conversation with my son. He is turning 18 this year. He doesn’t like to talk as much as he did as a kindergartner though but has no problems in a conversation. At least with people he knows. He’s very quiet and shy with those he doesn’t know., I would say so? My son is 5.5 and I’m feeling very good about his language! I was in a similar place around 4 as well., I’m in the same boat as you. 4yo non-conversational. I’m still basking in awe that she’s using words (non-verbal until almost 4th birthday)… I have hope for both of us. Stay strong 💚, Not a parent, but I been asking Mom a lot lately about what I was like growing up. I had difficulty talking until I was about 6 according to her. After that point she says it seems like everything clicked with me. Now she can't get me to shut up at almost 30 haha, My son is 7 and has started having short conversations., I was on the same boat, he started asking questions, reading books, and randomly started chatting. He hasn’t been quiet since then. I think it’s different for every kid. My son is 4 as well. Please, don’t give up on hope., My son is 10, we did ABA for around 4 years. He was non verbal until about 5, somewhat conversational around 6-7. One thing I noticed by accident was he is much more attentive and open to have a discussion with me if I use a sock puppet or plush toy he likes. I have been where you are and it is rough. One thing I can say is you will cherish every moment of communication when it happens and I promise those moments will help. Keep it up, your doing awesome., My son was about where yours was at 4. He’s now 7, and he’s definitely conversational; although, he likes to control the topic. Haha., My baby girl was the exact same way. She still does sometimes, but we’re starting to have more back and forth conversation and it brings tears to my eyes. Hang in there. Look up gestalt learning. She likely learns in phrases. Respond by answering her questions. i.e, “I dont want the pink shirt. Do you want the pink shirt? Yes or no?She’ll start to answer with yes or no. My daughter was diagnosed at 2, she will be 6 in September. Every single day gets better. You got this! Stay patient and have fun with her! Sending HOPE 💙, As hard as it is, enjoy the journey. I remember being where you are. My son really took off once he started picking up language (around 4 years old) but there were times where I felt hopeless. Today he talks about EVERYTHING. Just keep up the hope and talk to him about everything, he will follow your lead. You got this., My daughter was mostly scripting at that age, and answering wh-questions took the longest (who, what, where). She still has some difficulty, but we converse and she doesn’t script as much., Mine is 20 and spoke the same way, all questions until he was a bit older 9 or 10. He now speaks just fine., From what various therapists have said to me, speech is like a ladder or a mountain. Your kid has to get comfortable at one level and basically master those skills before they can go up to the next level. However, if your kid is climbing that ladder, they will more than likely continue to progress. So, yes, I genuinely think you have every reason to believe your child will be conversational one day, especially if he has hit that level of forming original sentences at only 4., Yes and no. As your child grows older their vocabulary will likely increase, but the issues with being able to VERBALIZE their thoughts will likely remain to some extent or another. That doesn't mean all hope is lost. There's also been plenty of cases where a severely autistic and completely none verbal adult can communicate via typing what they want to say, or by putting together pictures The speech barrier exists, but it doesn't mean that the child doesn't have the thoughts or lacks the mental capacity to know what they want or need to say. But that they can't verbalize or express it. It's like being trapped inside their own mind, without the ability to communicate. That's why patience and understanding are extremely important, because even if they don't seem to be able to understand what they need to say, often times the outburst from trying to force it is due to the frustration of not being able to verbalize it. But communication can come in many forms. Stephen Hawkins had no way to speak or communicate without the computer, but the intent is there. The issue is and always will be finding a way for them to be able to communicate. And when you're able to help them find it, it makes things a lot easier for both of you. I hope this helps, I know it's hard., At least your child can talk. Mine can’t at all, only says one word at a time if that, and not correctly, and cannot make conversation at all. He’s 3, turning 4 this year - I know there is still time and we are getting help but it’s very hard. Your child is at least asking you things, Same boat as many here. Unfortunately covid really screwed him as we had to stop just as he was catching his stride in speech therapy. We tried online during the lockdowns but it just wasn’t the same. We only got to restart after everything died down but we already lost a couple of years. He’s already back in therapy and he’s so much more verbal and conversational. Therapists are magicians. Just don’t lose hope, listen to their instruction and do your part at home., My LO started talking this way around 3. Nearly 5 and a lot more “conversational” albeit a lot of it is scripting, Your child is likely a gestalt language processor. I’d highly recommend looking into that for strategies. That will likely help :) it was life changing for me., This is amazing. 🤩, Aww congratulations mama, that is so exciting! Thank you for the hope., This is great and what I was just told by a CDA. No questions just options and make him pick whether it’s with a gesture of pointing or a word., Hi there, at what age did you stop the question form of communication to him? I was actually thinking today that maybe I am hindering my (newly) three year olds social communication skills by utilizing the low demand, question form style of requests. However, he is very demand avoidant and this style works best currently., Thank you so much, I think I probably need to try to stop asking questions and see if that helps as well., Thank you so much! I am going to order that book, is this the right one? https://teachmetotalk.com/product/teach-talk-therapy-manual/, Amazing, thank you!!, This gives me some hope. My son turned 2 in December and does not speak. I worry so often that he never will. I have him in early intervention, speech therapy, and he will begin occupational therapy soon, so I'm not sure what else I should be doing to facilitate the development of his abilities., That is so great to hear!!, Thank you! Yes that perspective of being grateful for how far they’ve already come is a good one ❤️🙏🏽, Oh amazing, can’t wait till it all clicks for her and hoping I can have chats like that with her when she’s an adult too ❤️, That’s so great to hear!! And I can definitely see controlling the topic being the case for us too haha, Thank you so much, I’m so excited to get there one day, appreciate the hope ❤️, Yes the wh questions seem to be the hardest for us! That gives me hope! Can I ask how old your daughter is now?, I love this description, thank you!!, I think he was probably about 4 1/2. We waited until he was being verbal consistently before we changed anything. He didn’t talk for a long time, probably like 3 or 3 1/2. When he did he started using almost all questions and still didn’t really communicate wants/needs. That has really changed in the last month. It’s amazing that he’s been having such big improvements. I really thought we would never have an actual conversation, but here we are! A lot of time he wasn’t making progress for months at a time and it’s tempting to think the therapies aren’t having an impact but it really does! He has been in speech and OT since 2 and has speech twice a week and OT once a week. Edited to add: It’s great that you’re aware of it. I think that’s the most important thing because you can monitor behavior and adjust accordingly!, When we did our first few aba and speech sessions that was something they both advised me to stop doing. Instead we offered options and we get our answer. Currently now working on him answering questions yes or no and I have faith we will get there!, Yes that’s the one! It really breaks this all down and helps you know where to start which for us was all about floor time and playing one on one and to be able to tell where our son was at. Also videos of Laura Mize really helped us in the starting too!, At first I thought maybe his language delay was because my mom babysat him almost daily while I went to college and she was always speaking in Tagalog. So he was exposed to two languages and from what I read online kids exposed to two languages sometimes speak later than kids exposed and only learning one (idk if this has changed but this is what I found through research almost 18 years ago)., You’re doing great with those things! My son was in speech for over a year before he talked. The most important thing you can be doing is just looking out for him! It’s important for me to make sure my son’s therapists are doing their jobs and being super consistent. I honestly think the best decision I’ve ever made for him was switching his speech therapist. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s sounds like you’re doing a great job for your son!, In person in clinic ABA is what got my 2 year old to finally start talk (was not diagnosed at the time but receiving ABA). In home ABA did not work for us., Also trust me, I get it. I have bouts of panic worrying that she’s gotten bullied or mistreated and can’t verbalize it to me. Especially when she’s grumpy or sad. I prayer for at least the ability for her to express herself in those circumstances. We just gotta keep working with our little ones and keep the bonds strong., She’s 17. She still has some trouble wrapping her head around some questions, but she started to understand them when she was in 4-5th grade. She isn’t always grammatically correct when she speaks, but other people besides me can understand her so I don’t have to play translator anymore., All your advice is solid! Always, always choices for them to make so they feel in control and not you deciding for them. This definitely helps open up conversation even if it’s small., It is so hard to cope with the unknown. Yes I absolutely need to focus on keeping the bond strong too, thank you ❤️, This is so inspiring, thank you!! ❤️, My daughter is almost 7 and non conversational. Today, for the time ever, she asked me if her noodles were done cooking. I couldn’t believe it. Hang in there. Anything is possible!, My son only talked in questions. He is almost 7 now and about half of what he says is still in question form. I stopped asking him questions and it helped. Instead of asking if he wanted a red shirt or a pink shirt I would say something more along the lines of “today we have 2 choices, red or pink. Tell me which one you want to wear.” It helped to cut out choice questions but I still give him choices. Sometimes he will still respond like “Do I want the red shirt?” But it’s definitely improving. He has been in speech since he was 2., Your child already showing a lot of important steps required to achieve conversational speech. There’s a book called “teach me how to talk” and opened the doorway up for us to realize how many steps are needed before you get to that point. It gave us activities to do and we got to make inventory of the positives and where he is at and then you focus there. Wishing you well!, My son was non verbal until 3.5-4 years old. By 4.5 he had a few words. By kindergarten he was taking all the time. When I picked him up after school he would talk the entire ride home. He started school a few months before he turned 6. He seemed to have a language explosion from about 4.5-6 years old. I also wondered for a long time if I would ever be able to have a conversation with my son. He is turning 18 this year. He doesn’t like to talk as much as he did as a kindergartner though but has no problems in a conversation. At least with people he knows. He’s very quiet and shy with those he doesn’t know., I would say so? My son is 5.5 and I’m feeling very good about his language! I was in a similar place around 4 as well., I’m in the same boat as you. 4yo non-conversational. I’m still basking in awe that she’s using words (non-verbal until almost 4th birthday)… I have hope for both of us. Stay strong 💚, Not a parent, but I been asking Mom a lot lately about what I was like growing up. I had difficulty talking until I was about 6 according to her. After that point she says it seems like everything clicked with me. Now she can't get me to shut up at almost 30 haha, My son is 7 and has started having short conversations., I was on the same boat, he started asking questions, reading books, and randomly started chatting. He hasn’t been quiet since then. I think it’s different for every kid. My son is 4 as well. Please, don’t give up on hope., My son is 10, we did ABA for around 4 years. He was non verbal until about 5, somewhat conversational around 6-7. One thing I noticed by accident was he is much more attentive and open to have a discussion with me if I use a sock puppet or plush toy he likes. I have been where you are and it is rough. One thing I can say is you will cherish every moment of communication when it happens and I promise those moments will help. Keep it up, your doing awesome., My son was about where yours was at 4. He’s now 7, and he’s definitely conversational; although, he likes to control the topic. Haha., My baby girl was the exact same way. She still does sometimes, but we’re starting to have more back and forth conversation and it brings tears to my eyes. Hang in there. Look up gestalt learning. She likely learns in phrases. Respond by answering her questions. i.e, “I dont want the pink shirt. Do you want the pink shirt? Yes or no?She’ll start to answer with yes or no. My daughter was diagnosed at 2, she will be 6 in September. Every single day gets better. You got this! Stay patient and have fun with her! Sending HOPE 💙, As hard as it is, enjoy the journey. I remember being where you are. My son really took off once he started picking up language (around 4 years old) but there were times where I felt hopeless. Today he talks about EVERYTHING. Just keep up the hope and talk to him about everything, he will follow your lead. You got this., My daughter was mostly scripting at that age, and answering wh-questions took the longest (who, what, where). She still has some difficulty, but we converse and she doesn’t script as much., Mine is 20 and spoke the same way, all questions until he was a bit older 9 or 10. He now speaks just fine., From what various therapists have said to me, speech is like a ladder or a mountain. Your kid has to get comfortable at one level and basically master those skills before they can go up to the next level. However, if your kid is climbing that ladder, they will more than likely continue to progress. So, yes, I genuinely think you have every reason to believe your child will be conversational one day, especially if he has hit that level of forming original sentences at only 4., Yes and no. As your child grows older their vocabulary will likely increase, but the issues with being able to VERBALIZE their thoughts will likely remain to some extent or another. That doesn't mean all hope is lost. There's also been plenty of cases where a severely autistic and completely none verbal adult can communicate via typing what they want to say, or by putting together pictures The speech barrier exists, but it doesn't mean that the child doesn't have the thoughts or lacks the mental capacity to know what they want or need to say. But that they can't verbalize or express it. It's like being trapped inside their own mind, without the ability to communicate. That's why patience and understanding are extremely important, because even if they don't seem to be able to understand what they need to say, often times the outburst from trying to force it is due to the frustration of not being able to verbalize it. But communication can come in many forms. Stephen Hawkins had no way to speak or communicate without the computer, but the intent is there. The issue is and always will be finding a way for them to be able to communicate. And when you're able to help them find it, it makes things a lot easier for both of you. I hope this helps, I know it's hard., At least your child can talk. Mine can’t at all, only says one word at a time if that, and not correctly, and cannot make conversation at all. He’s 3, turning 4 this year - I know there is still time and we are getting help but it’s very hard. Your child is at least asking you things, Same boat as many here. Unfortunately covid really screwed him as we had to stop just as he was catching his stride in speech therapy. We tried online during the lockdowns but it just wasn’t the same. We only got to restart after everything died down but we already lost a couple of years. He’s already back in therapy and he’s so much more verbal and conversational. Therapists are magicians. Just don’t lose hope, listen to their instruction and do your part at home., My LO started talking this way around 3. Nearly 5 and a lot more “conversational” albeit a lot of it is scripting, Your child is likely a gestalt language processor. I’d highly recommend looking into that for strategies. That will likely help :) it was life changing for me., This is amazing. 🤩, Aww congratulations mama, that is so exciting! Thank you for the hope., This is great and what I was just told by a CDA. No questions just options and make him pick whether it’s with a gesture of pointing or a word., Hi there, at what age did you stop the question form of communication to him? I was actually thinking today that maybe I am hindering my (newly) three year olds social communication skills by utilizing the low demand, question form style of requests. However, he is very demand avoidant and this style works best currently., Thank you so much, I think I probably need to try to stop asking questions and see if that helps as well., Thank you so much! I am going to order that book, is this the right one? https://teachmetotalk.com/product/teach-talk-therapy-manual/, Amazing, thank you!!, This gives me some hope. My son turned 2 in December and does not speak. I worry so often that he never will. I have him in early intervention, speech therapy, and he will begin occupational therapy soon, so I'm not sure what else I should be doing to facilitate the development of his abilities., That is so great to hear!!, Thank you! Yes that perspective of being grateful for how far they’ve already come is a good one ❤️🙏🏽, Oh amazing, can’t wait till it all clicks for her and hoping I can have chats like that with her when she’s an adult too ❤️, That’s so great to hear!! And I can definitely see controlling the topic being the case for us too haha, Thank you so much, I’m so excited to get there one day, appreciate the hope ❤️, Yes the wh questions seem to be the hardest for us! That gives me hope! Can I ask how old your daughter is now?, I love this description, thank you!!, I think he was probably about 4 1/2. We waited until he was being verbal consistently before we changed anything. He didn’t talk for a long time, probably like 3 or 3 1/2. When he did he started using almost all questions and still didn’t really communicate wants/needs. That has really changed in the last month. It’s amazing that he’s been having such big improvements. I really thought we would never have an actual conversation, but here we are! A lot of time he wasn’t making progress for months at a time and it’s tempting to think the therapies aren’t having an impact but it really does! He has been in speech and OT since 2 and has speech twice a week and OT once a week. Edited to add: It’s great that you’re aware of it. I think that’s the most important thing because you can monitor behavior and adjust accordingly!, When we did our first few aba and speech sessions that was something they both advised me to stop doing. Instead we offered options and we get our answer. Currently now working on him answering questions yes or no and I have faith we will get there!, Yes that’s the one! It really breaks this all down and helps you know where to start which for us was all about floor time and playing one on one and to be able to tell where our son was at. Also videos of Laura Mize really helped us in the starting too!, At first I thought maybe his language delay was because my mom babysat him almost daily while I went to college and she was always speaking in Tagalog. So he was exposed to two languages and from what I read online kids exposed to two languages sometimes speak later than kids exposed and only learning one (idk if this has changed but this is what I found through research almost 18 years ago)., You’re doing great with those things! My son was in speech for over a year before he talked. The most important thing you can be doing is just looking out for him! It’s important for me to make sure my son’s therapists are doing their jobs and being super consistent. I honestly think the best decision I’ve ever made for him was switching his speech therapist. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s sounds like you’re doing a great job for your son!, In person in clinic ABA is what got my 2 year old to finally start talk (was not diagnosed at the time but receiving ABA). In home ABA did not work for us., Also trust me, I get it. I have bouts of panic worrying that she’s gotten bullied or mistreated and can’t verbalize it to me. Especially when she’s grumpy or sad. I prayer for at least the ability for her to express herself in those circumstances. We just gotta keep working with our little ones and keep the bonds strong., She’s 17. She still has some trouble wrapping her head around some questions, but she started to understand them when she was in 4-5th grade. She isn’t always grammatically correct when she speaks, but other people besides me can understand her so I don’t have to play translator anymore., All your advice is solid! Always, always choices for them to make so they feel in control and not you deciding for them. This definitely helps open up conversation even if it’s small., It is so hard to cope with the unknown. Yes I absolutely need to focus on keeping the bond strong too, thank you ❤️, This is so inspiring, thank you!! ❤️

Will I have a conversation with my son one day?

Hey guys. My son just turned 5 and I posted a great update about him the other day when he said his first sentence ❤️ "I want diggy hole" (his fave YouTube video 😂) since then, he has continued to use I want to ask for other clips, Toy Story, Hey Duggee, etc. He was completely non verbal until age 3 when he started picking up labelling words, by age 4 he was starting to use functional speech to get his needs met, mostly by single words. He now has a ton of functional words and a lot of echolalia phrases too. We are just about to start potty training as he's telling us when he needs changing. Does this sound positive for his future speech? My one wish is to have a conversation with him one day ❤️

It sounds positive! 😀 Mine took a while as well. We still sometimes get in a redundant track with our conversations, but they're still conversations. I think there will always be a script in his head, though. I pick him up from his school and say "how was school" he always replied "good" even if it wasn't. <- that kind of thing, I know you are looking for hope but at the same time your story gives me hope. My son is completely non verbal. He is very vocal but has zero words and often I wonder if they will ever come because he is about to turn 3yo. Sometimes it’s so difficult to be patient but reading about other kid’s progress helps. I hope you can have a conversation with him soon and come back and tell us all about it. ❤️, Sounds very similar to my (35yo adult diagnosed lvl1 autism+adhd) development and upbringing, especially with the echolalia. I was not conversational until my pre-teens, I very much remember my parents' frustration of "why won't you talk to me!" persisting well into middle school. I knew what words are, I just could not use them when anyone paid attention to me. I still struggle with expressing myself in a real world/time environment where i freeze up/cry/elope. Communicating via written language is so much easier. Have you tried having a written conversation with your son? Send him some simple letters like how r u :) Edit to add: Also you might want to try sign language if you haven't yet., YES!!!🥰, My son is about to be 3 and is level 1 but non verbal. He whispers some words when prompted and approximates a bunch of words but nothing concrete yet. I’m hoping my son takes the same trajectory as yours because it can be really frustrating/depressing at times but then those rare times when he mutters a word and you know he understands you is SO satisfying!, Totally positive! :D But now I have to go look up that clip!, Yes, it sounds like he is on the right track., Thanks everyone. These comments mean a lot to me!, Though a lot of NT kids don’t talk before 3 it sounds like your kid is on their way. Positive stuff!, I am interested in this my son is almost 4, level 1 has a lot of echolalia and can string a sentence script to ask for something. We tried potty training but can't get him to warn or let us know it happened. It's good to hear that someone has made as much progress as your kid has. I also hope for a day when I can have conversation with him., Is it the song Diggy Diggy Hole?, My son turns 6 next month I've given up on ever getting to have father son talks. Now I'd just be happy to have him potty trained or consistently using alternate modes of communication, I’ve learned to ask my 5 year old about school slightly differently because she would always just say “good” as well”. I ask so that she has to say something more specific if possible. I.e. what did you play at school today? What letter were you Learning? And what did you have for lunch” we pack her lunch everyday so this is a good test to see if she’s simply naming or guessing or actually understanding what I’m asking or if she remembers what she had for lunch., Same here, my son is almost 4 and this post gave me a lot of hope! 🫶🏻🫶🏻 looking forward to more updates as well, Ours is 5 and is the same way. That's how I describe him, "non-verbal but EXTREMELY vocal." Constant vocal stimming, babbling, screaming, and the like. He definitely understands a lot of what we say to him, but no words from him yet. I can't wait though. I bet he's got interesting thoughts to share., How are you doing now if I can ask? My son is 9 and still not really great at conversations, Thanks for your sharing! My daughter (5.5) is not yet conversational and has hard time answering questions. But she seems to understand much more than she can speak. Maybe she is experiencing similar difficulty as you were. I will try writing letters to her :), I'm sure he will ❤️ my son was totally non verbal until he turned 3. Literally around the time of his birthday he said "shoes" and his words snowballed from there. I'm not sure what level my son is as we are in the UK and they don't give levels here, would be interesting to know, though!, Also. My son had word approximations before concrete words too :), Yes 🤣, I like asking “what was your favourite thing at school today?” I get all sorts of insights into his mind I wouldn’t get otherwise :), Tried that 😅 "What did you do today?" "Good" "What was something fun today? " "Good" lol, >How are you doing now if I can ask? Honestly, I'm not doing well. I can't hold down a job for more than a few months. No matter how much I like the work, I can not keep up with attendance. I have to call out often because having a bad day literally means I cannot hold back the urge to run away and hide from the world. But there is nowhere to run to when all you have is yourself. If it wasn't for people I met as an adult who paid for my rent and food, I would have starved to death years ago. My family doesn’t want to associate with me. I'm a failure in their eyes. I've struggled with suicidal ideation most of my life. It makes more sense for me to quit being a burden on others rather than continue to be an unproductive waste of space that needs to be fed and kept warm without any reward for my caretakers. I'm in constant fear of people growing tired of supporting me. I am scared of being homeless, but I can't afford to pay for retirement and I don't have family to take care of me., That’s great to know and I wish you all the best! Will keep you updated!, Oh my god, my husband just found this a couple weeks ago and I thought it was super obscure so it was wild to see someone else know it!, Don’t worry. I get that sometimes as well. Haha., I'm so sorry. Have you tried looking for assisted living? I'm sorry your parents did that., I know it's off topic from this thread but you do have inherent value as a person, it's a lie that your worth is tied into how productive you are. I'm glad you have people in your life who support you, they do it because they want to. If your goal is to hold down a job, then my wish is that you are able to find something with the flexibility you need., Thank you. I've looked into it, but I am considered abled enough to provide for myself so I do not qualify for assistance. The fact I can get a job and push through with masking for a few months until I finally give in to my eloping drive and run off the job apparantly means I "can" work. Even at age 35 I'm still told I just need to try harder :/

Will I regret not getting ABA therapy for my child?

Full transparency here: I have always been pretty adamant against ABA and my daughter has never had a session of it. Lately though my daughter will hit herself or bang her head when she gets angry or frustrated. She will also try to bite me when she gets to this point. This happens at times when she gets angry (not when she gets sad) or when she’s unable to fully communicate her needs (or when I fail to comprehend her needs). It doesn’t happen daily or every single time these triggers happen either. She’ll also be 3 next month. I’ve been trying to get her into OT for regulation and to see if they can help with this, but it’s been difficult to find the right therapist. And tbh I’d be lying if I said ABA hasn’t crossed my mind. Either way we’ll still pursue OT regardless of whether of or not I decide to go through with ABA. Parents who have been through something similar, what are your recommendations? I’ve always said that all behavior is communication but I also know that these self injurious and aggressive behaviors needs to be addressed and redirected ASAP. I’m just trying to do what’s best for her. Thanks in advance.

Before I respond more generally, let me say that I totally understand your hesitancy. I remember when ABA therapy was first recommended for my daughter and feeling like you do when I looked into what it entailed. My daughter was in an early childhood autism program at the time, and the results were mixed. All that being said, my wife and I decided to enroll our daughter in ABA at the age of 5 (after one year in a non-ABA program) and it was unequivocally the right choice for our daughter. The growth she experienced in the following year was nothing short of amazing, and we continue to benefit from the foundation provided by the year of ABA and the strategies we took from it and used on the years since. Obviously, I can't say the same success will occur with every kid and it is ultimately up to you as the person who knows your child best to make the decision. All I can say is that my daughter is able to do things and face situations that would've been out of the question before she went through the ABA program., We had only positive experience with ABA. It helped with self-harm (head-banging) and meltdowns, it helped our 2.5yo kid to learn focus, imitation, following instructions, respond to his name and point. He loved his therapist, was always happy to see her. We were allowed to watch sessions and made sure he was not abused in any form. We are not in the US so we had only 4 hours a week and if we could afford more (had to pay for it from the pocket), we would., I don't blame you for being hesitant because there's so much anti-ABA propaganda circulating on social media. I know the people spreading it mean well, but it's irresponsible. The staunchest opponents understand it the least. I am *very* concerned for children with autism and their families, especially when severe problem behavior is involved, and I feel like I have to speak out. I can say definitively that ABA can be gentle, dignified, and fun. I would conduct simple assessments to identify what your daughter is trying to communicate with her severe problem behavior and quickly start teaching replacement skills. Doesn't sound so bad, does it? I'm sure Board Certified Behavior Analysts in your area would be more than happy to speak with you. Good luck., In my experience, ABA has been wonderful for my 2year old boy. They aren’t strict or mean with the kids at all. They learn to communicate through “play”. Once of my aba therapists takes my son on walks to help his sensory processing disorder, they color, learn animals, numbers, signs to communicate with hands. My son has come a long way since he started in August. The OT, Soeech therapy is good as well but it’s so short. They only are allowed to do 30min so definitely not as beneficial as aba. I have 2 aba therapists atm and never did they once yell at him to force him to do anything, it’s not like that anymore..hope this helps, The truth is you might regret it. You will wonder what if we tried ABA? I won't regret it, because we tried it for 2 years. Yes, in the end I decided against it, it was not helping my child. Maybe it will help yours but you know for sure only if you try., You can always try it and drop it if it’s not a fit for your kid., We’re currently in ABA for my daughter and it’s been tremendously helpful with redirecting some of her behaviors. It’s all play based and my daughter actually looks forward to it. I will say though, my daughter already has OT and speech therapy from her program at school, I think ABA by itself wouldn’t have been as helpful without the other therapies involved. We only started ABA this year, so I know a lot of her progress has also been from the OT and speech. All of our sessions are in home based as well, so it’s not only for her but it’s also for us as the parents. With her Speech and OT I’m not able to sit and see exactly what their working on, I just get a report from her teacher. But with the ABA I’m able to see exactly what is happening and how to deter the situation and make it into a positive. I would say def give it a try if you’re able to, if you feel like it’s too much or you’re not seeing the progress you feel you should be seeing you’re able to stop it and wait for OT., When my son was that age, we did intensive in-home ABA and also OT. The ABA team spent between 20 and 30 hours a week with him. OT was \*one\* hour a week. As you might imagine, ABA therapies are much more comprehensive and can tackle bigger concerns over a longer term. OT was also amazing but it was just an hour with the clinician, where I absorbed as much as I possibly could, and then I'd have to put everything into practice at home on our own. I think both types of therapy are valid and can be very helpful. I encourage parents who are new to this and who have read too many ABA horror stories to look a little deeper before writing off completely. As you can see from the comments you have already received, when a forum is open where families can discuss their positive ABA experiences without being down-voted or blocked, the perspective on it becomes decidedly more positive than what you see in the autism support spaces that are more heavily moderated by the anti-ABA crowd., Just want to say ABA has been wonderful for my son. He’s 4, and it’s very play based and child led. They’re big on choices, so they still control the environment by controlling the choice options (helps structure) but also let my son choose what motivates him, his gym activities, etc. He also has OT, and speech, and honestly they all seem similar with the exception of ABA being longer. ABA has helped speech and OT sessions be more productive too, as we have tools and ways to keep my son engaged, and working on him independently requesting breaks, preferences etc. Speech focuses on mouth placement at times but overall, they overlap and the teams work together. Also, ABA has helped me and my husband better support and know how to accommodate my son for just regular life things like getting on a plane, doctor visits, family get togethers etc. If you can find a place where ABA works with other therapies, you may find it’s a great addition. Hugs!, My 18 month son has been going to ABA for exactly one month. He absolutely loves it and runs in to hug his RBT every morning. And, he has already learned to point since going which has been huge for communication., A lot of the issues in ABA come from them trying to do comprehensive therapy rather than staying in their line. So it is not like you can go to the ABA center and choose what you want to work on and how many hours. Most places won't accept your kiddo if you don't do xx amount of hours per week (and some are quite ridiculous like 30+ per week). So don't think it would be a bad idea to do aba for couple of hours per week for you but unlikely you will find a place willing to do it. Comprehensive ABA did damage to my kids language and ultimately something like Hanen Parent training (speech therapy driven approach) was much more useful. Like ABA Rbts have usually low qualifications and now with such big waiting lists they are a lot of the time fairly recently hired people with minimum training. This is a problem everywhere globally there is a massive surge in demand for services like aba, ot and speech so they hire everyone they can to fill this gap..., Yes, ABA has been really helpful for those exact issues for us, but I think what is a good approach for you really depends on your insurance coverage, unfortunately. It is possible that the issues could have been addressed with just OT and speech therapy, but our insurance was really restrictive on the number of sessions allowed per year (60 total for everything). For OT and speech to be successful, he was going to need several sessions a week, which really left us with no other good option apart from ABA., I’ve been told by therapists who are usually uncomfortable with ABA recommended it for aggressive behaviors. It was the opposite for my son. ABA caused the negative behaviors you mentioned. We looked for physical reasons why he would have meltdowns ex teeth, stomach issues as well as having positive interactions with his OT, speech therapists, tutors, etc. by using play based methods. He’s 80% back to who he was especially after his wonderful grandmotherly babysitter who spoils him. Idk what will work for your daughter. Good luck in whatever direction you go to. Some ABA agencies practice more Floortime than ABA. Or a mix of it., I can come at this from a different angle - we don’t have access to ABA due to our rural location and extensive waitlists so it hasn’t even been an option. Instead we’ve done as much speech, PT and OT as possible to help supplement, as well as developmental preK when he was the appropriate age. We did a 2.5 hour block of therapy 2 to 3 times a week depending on how much we were able to handle. 1 hour of OT, one hour of PT and a half hour of speech. They were all at the same center so collaborated on their approach and all worked together on the same issues at the same time. We had lots of communication so I could continue these same methods at home. Once we were able to add developmental preK he had a pretty full schedule, similar to a 30+ hour week of ABA might be. We’ve seen improvements in communication, less meltdowns, even less tantrums over the last 2.5 years. He’s in kindergarten now and doing as good as we could hope for. ABA might be helpful but it’s not the only road to take if it doesn’t work for you., How old is your daughter, OP? My friends neurotypical twins started doing the same at 1.5 years age. Not saying there should be no intervention, but partially also NT kids bang their heads on the ground, bite, etc., Hi! I would recommend it. It’s done wonders to encourage our son to communicate verbally and non-verbally, to engage with others, to pick up self-care habits and potty training, and to work toward being prepared for kindergarten. That said, I’m so happy with our provider *because I’ve read what detractors had to say about ABA. I knew what questions I wanted to go into the tour and initial meeting with. How do you encourage kids to do a behavior; how do you redirect or discourage self-harming or others-harming behaviors; what is the provider’s opinion on stimming; what is your end goal for my child; do your staff have guaranteed hours; what is a regular day like here; do you use assent-based play. Basically, just trying to make sure they align with positive, helpful, non-abusive ABA. I want to know that as long as his stims aren’t hurting anyone, he’ll be allowed to express himself. If they are, I want to know the healthy way they’ll help him express those feelings, etc. He’s a wonderful little dude, and I want to make sure he keeps getting to be his awesome self. There’s nothing to “fix,” just useful life skills to gain. I ask about what they do for their employees because ABA therapy chains are really bad about not guaranteeing hours, not having great benefits… a revolving door of RBTs does no one any good. Our place guarantees hours, has a robust slate of benefits (including pet insurance, wtf), and also will partially pay for and help plan learning hours for any RBTs who are working toward being BCBAs. The consistency our little dude gets from having his favorite, paired staff there is fantastic. Plus, they are open to having other therapy providers on site. They will make a room available for their kiddos if they have an OT or speech therapist swinging in for an hour, and they have a short list of providers they recommend if you need a starting point. Any place with that collaborative mindset? 10/10. They also have tools to help your kid’s transition to school-school, such as a how-to for getting assessed by the local school district and a training classroom (a larger therapy room set up like a pretend kinder class so they get used to the routine and looks with their trusted people). OH man, and they’ll even do outings/hosting. Our kid LOATHED haircuts. Crying, screaming, hated the feeling of falling hair and sound of clippers. We discovered a routine at home that made it okay, but they were planning to have a local hair stylist who specializes with sensory needs kiddos come out so the BCBA could observe and she and his RBT could help him feel comfortable/the stylist know why he’s responding how he is so we could all be successful. They’ve even volunteered to come with us on a well-child visit to our pediatrician because he’s afraid of doctors. We have biweekly meetings with his BCBA to talk about what he’s learning, and she’s always available via email. Know what you want and what you want to avoid. If you’re lucky enough to have choices in your area, take advantage and shop around to find exactly someone who matches your view of ABA. I’m really glad we did. We go to Action Behavior Centers. (Blue Sprig was our first… our local location was okay but not great but was the one doing in-home at the time, changed management, became trash. They’re not very good to their employees. The new management was very money first, kids second, so we pulled ours.), Always remember that if any program or therapy is wrong for your kid, you can stop it or alter the treatment plan. You should always feel in charge and comfortable with the goals and methods in any therapy., Yes, you will regret it. (Father to 21 year old son with significant Autism - non verbal), Couldn’t say it better myself. Same experience for my daughter., Tysm for your reply. If you’re comfortable, would you be able to elaborate on whether it helped address behaviors, communication, or skills? Totally cool if you don’t feel comfortable. Tysm!, Tysm for your reply., Tysm for your reply., It does help tysm., This is so valid. Thank you for your reply., You’re so right. I am always super anxious and questioning everything. Tysm., Great insight. Tysm for replying., I never really took into consideration that my daughter would get some form of therapy daily as opposed to 30 mins weekly with OT. This is great insight. Thank you., Hugs to you too! Tysm for your response!, Awwww I’m so happy for him!!! Thanks for your reply., Tysm for your reply. I’ve heard about words with Hanen but haven’t fully looked into it. My daughter has a lot of skills and a pretty good vocabulary so the BCBA stated she’d only need a maximum of 10 hours a week broken into two hours a day Monday-Friday. It doesn’t seem that bad. What was surprising to me was that the RBT is brand new to this and my daughter would be her first case. The RBT does have experience working with children. Initially the plan was for my daughter to get seen 6 hours a week divided into 2 days. When the BCBA reached out to the agency (it’s in home ABA) to let them know that we’d need an additional RBT to add the time and break it up more evenly, we were told it’ll take approximately 6 weeks to find someone. I got the feeling that the agency doesn’t have enough staffing to fill in the gaps. I did really like the BCBA because she said she wouldn’t use a rewards system or hand over hand and that the program would be naturalistic play, but it’s a bit wild that they will hire people without any experience whatsoever in order to fill in the gaps., This is so true and incredibly frustrating. Thank your for your reply., I’m so happy he’s doing much better. I will definitely be very observant about her reaction and behaviors once she starts., This is great to hear since I was hoping to use OT and ST as opposed to ABA for my daughter. I think I’ll try it just to see if it does help her. Thanks for your reply., Yes my nephew also did this as a toddler and he’s NT. She’s almost 3 but the behavior started around 2.5. It could be a phase, it’s just pretty upsetting when it happens., Wish I would’ve had this reply before I met with her BCBA! Will def bring these things up. Thank you for your reply., I’ll try it and see. If we hate it, I’ll stop it. I do think I’d regret not at least seeing if it could help her., The requirements to be for Rbts are very low and the salary is really bad given the responsibilities. Also a lot of parent cancelations cause people to live quickly (they are mire like an independent contractors rather than salaried employees most of the time). Pretty common right now to have 1+ year waiting lists everywhere and that's even with all the new stuff and training.

Will my toddler develop speech? Looking for inputs

My 22m old is yet to be diagnosed but he’s speech delayed. He currently does the following: 1. Makes good eye contact except when we ask him to do something like point out body parts in mums face at which point he looks sideways and points them out 2. Has good receptive language as per his command following. Can do the following: 1. Give <Insert family member name> <insert object name> for over 50 items 2. Throw items in trash 3. Get shoes, remove jacket etc. 4. Go to bathroom, kitchen etc. 5. Can point out family members in photos 6. Can point to eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, hair 7. Time to sleep - lies down 3. Can use many gestures when prompted: hello, bye, pray, hold hands, kiss, hug, shake head No Note - most of these are with verbal prompting 4. Has 100% name response when called to 5. Points when asked what he wants. Does not point to show items of interest. Pointing is good 50% of the time and other times can be open handed or feeble 6. Babbles and makes sound quite a bit 7. Uses mama correctly and can say “Dede” (means please give) 50% of the time 8. He is also a generally social and happy baby so he seems to be quite social especially with his family and relatives 9. He does interactive play - peek a boo, hide and seek 10. Tends to copy some actions feebly - twinkle twinkle in the rhyme, peek a boo etc. Around 20% of the time He cannot do the following: 1. Imitation of sounds and even actions is not too great 2. He doesn’t seem to like using words. Any demand to repeat words he uses once in a while meets with crying What are the chances we can expect speech? What timelines should we look at? And what milestones can be relevant? He is in daily speech and occupational therapy. Thanks!

I absolutely get you are looking for some kind of certainty, but nobody can really give a specific answer. If your child has autism, there will be no manual for you. Every child with autism develops differently. Most of them learn to (partially) speak eventually. Only a very small percentage stays non verbal. My son was non verbal til 5,5 y/o, and I never thought he would be able to speak ever. 22 months is really young to say ANYTHING with sny kind of certainty 😉, I'm starting to think this sub needs a "Will my kid talk?" sticky thread or perhaps a pinned FAQ post with all of the frequent flying questions that all have similar variations of "Nobody knows when they're this young" answers., Hello. I'm not an expert in autism subject, but I don't think your kid is in the spectrum, maybe delayed a bit but nothing serious. My little one also has an atypical hand pointing (he uses his whole hand open to point his wants and interést since he was 15 months) he only uses index finger pointing when objects of his interést are just a few cms away from him. I though my little one didn't know how to imitate gestures, but I correct myself, my little one have showed me that he doesn't gesture imitate what he don't find interesting to copy 🙄🙄🙄 if I play xylophone he have no issues to copy me and play it, if I hit a chair with an spoon he have zero issues to imitate me back, but if I clap and ask him to do it.. He doesn't, if I show him how to stack blocks he doesn't do it (starts to throw it on the floor instead) so he is selective in what to imitate and what to ignore 🙄 (maybe your little one is also selective too), This sounds SO similar to my oldest. The part about getting upset when you ask him to talk really hits home for me as my son did the exact same thing. He started talking at 3.5 (we did have him in speech and language therapy). He's 6 now, graduated from speech this year, and he's fully conversational. Hope this gives you some optimism about the future. 22 months is still pretty young, and it can take a long time to see the progress in speech, but once it "clicks", they can make big strides really quickly!, In all honesty nothing here really points to autism. Can you give some examples of what makes you suspect autism?, Maybe. My kiddo was barely speaking at his 3rd bday. It's been about 9 months and his speech has exploded since then. He also started pre k and ABA in that time frame which probably has a lot to do with it., First time poster but I’ve been here a while. OP your son doesn’t have autism and at 22 months I doubt he even has a speech delay based on what you said. Not every kid learns to speak in sentences at 18-24 months. A very large majority learn to speak in sentences at 24-36 months and they are perfectly normal. I worry too but your child is more than fine if those are your only “concerns”. Enjoy and have a good day, The general advice is that if your child has developed pragmatic speech by 6 years old - that can be a single word, like, "eat!" - their prognosis is better. But, there are people who do fall in that umbrella who don't become fluent speakers, and also people much older who don't start using pragmatic speech until much later.  I have two level 3 sons who are between 6 and 9 years old. My sons are not fluent and would probably be best described as minimally verbal. My oldest can use occasional short phrases but mostly relies on AAC. Both met the "pragmatic speech by 6" guideline.  Consider introducing AAC.  At this point, I have made peace with the fact that fluent speech and being able to have a conversation may never come, especially for my oldest son. , Thank you. The waiting seems like the part we have t make peace with., Thank you. This gives me so much hope., Hi So he has been evaluated for autism and the results were inconclusive. All of this improvement - gestures, receptive language, name response and pointing have come in the past one month post daily therapy. He could just be delayed as well. As of now he tip toes, is speech delayed, has some repetitive play around gathering which are signs towards autism but honestly the docs aren’t too sure, Thanks. This helps., All of these things you have included in your post seem like he is very smart and will continue to learn with time and reinforcement. I would not be concerned about the speech delay too much. 24m is really when they start to “worry”. So so many kids are speech delayed. My kid is 5 and hasn’t ever verbally said a word. And we get along just fine! Don’t be scared of the speech delay, communication will come. He seems super smart! Behavior is communication, along with speech. Not every kid talks, and they don’t need to. Trust me! Having a nonverbal child can be annoying but it’s not the end of the world by any means. He is still able to communicate with us! It’s also possible he has apraxia. (Your child) (mine is diagnosed level 3 autism) (and he rocks!!), Thank you. Let me look into apraxia as well.

Wondering about my daughter

My 6 month old daughter is showing some behaviours that are interesting to me. I have a group of friends that all our babies are within a few weeks of each other and I’ve come to notice how different my girl is. Let me preface this as I love my daughter any way shape or form and I just want to know so that I can support her and get her supports as needed. I realize 6 months is too early for a diagnosis but maybe I’m looking for some confirmation or reassurance? What I have noticed: - she is constantly kicking and flapping her arms (I thought she was excited but she does it on her own as well) - screams/yells vs babbles - does not enjoy be cuddled (will constantly move or wants down) - kicks one leg repeatedly (does it with both legs) - hits her bottle or me repeatedly - hit or miss if she responds to us calling her name - stares off at what seems to be nothing - smiles at nothing - loves lights/lamps Am I reading too much into this? She is making eye contact, smiles, laughs, rolls sits up, starting to learn to crawl, doing okay with starting solids.

Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!, Sounds like a normal baby! Your doctor will conduct a screen at 18 months (at least ours did.) That would be a great time to express any concerns if you still have them., I think at this stage you are reading too much into it. A lot of this sounds fairly typical for a 6 month old. Does she have any tummy issues? Just wondering if the fussing, screaming, leg kicking could be wind??, Yes she is allergic to dairy and soy however is on a hypoallergenic formula!

Worried about 11-month-old's development

I've been worrying about my baby boy, who will be turning 1 in about a week, since he was about 6 months old. My husband says there's nothing wrong. His head shaking (it appears that some of the shakes are intentional and that others are not, as if they're tics) started around 6 months. He has also never pointed or waved, despite my efforts to teach him. No words yet, though he does make normal babbling sounds (e.g. "mamama," "dadada," "bababa"). Was an awful sleeper for much of the year until we tried safe bed sharing (yes, I do think there's such a thing as safe bed sharing - it's the norm in several cultures across the world), and he sleeps through the night pretty consistently now. Even with my worries, I think his receptive language is on point; he claps his hands when I ask him to or when I sing the song "clap your hands," and he also imitates me clapping. He often follows directions like "put in," "give," and "come here." He responds to his name 60%-70% of the time (gets distracted super easily 😂), smiles when my husband and I smile at him, and laughs when we do something silly in front of him. He either smiles at strangers or gives them a deadpan stare (lol), but either way, he shows no signs of stranger danger. He started crawling at 8 months and walking without support a few days shy of 11 months, so no worries at all about his gross motor skills. Minus a few foods he doesn't like, such as grapes and tomatoes, he eats pretty much anything! We introduced solids to him at 6 months and have found it difficult to find anything he dislikes. But again, he shakes his head quite often (sometimes intentionally and other times not), doesn't yet point or wave, has no spoken words, and has no stranger danger. Are my fears irrational, or do you think we should look into getting early assessment services? Do you have any similar experiences with your LO? If so, how did they turn out? Many thanks! C ***UPDATE***: He turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and is finally saying "dada" (when I ask him "Who is this?" while pointing at his daddy) and "baba" for "bottle" (simply imitation though, doesn't quite know the meaning yet). Also, his head shaking, both voluntary and involuntary, has lessened significantly. I think learning to walk independently has allowed him to channel a lot of his extra energy 😂 He sometimes waves now, though not consistently. Still hasn't pointed yet. But I'm excited about all his recent developments!

record his head shaking. it is probably nothing but record him. If you touch him when he shakes his head unintentionally does he react? If not record that as well then show the pediatrician. Pointing is expected closer to 18M so he is okay. His language is also within normal., Monitor but too early. And too few red flags. Basically only one that I see is not pointing and I can’t recall if that is a red flag at 11 months. I don’t recall head shaking as a red flag. Way too early for lack of verbal skills to be a red flag. We had eye contact avoidance at 1.5 years and that was our red flag as well as no pointing. We didn’t get pointing until age three which is very late., Look up the cdc milestones they are a general guide of when something should be evaluated further. If your child misses one it likely they could benefit from help. (From your post your child is mostly advanced.) Like for example the milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking is 24 months for the language explosion etc…, Unless a child is presenting with very obvious autistic traits at 11 months (and some do), it can be very, very hard to diagnose at this age as development, with the exception of a few basics, is all over the map, especially when it comes to language. I would let the doctor know about the head shaking again and how it sometimes looks involuntary. I agree with the others that it should be monitored just in case. Other than being a late walker, my daughter showed no signs of autism at 11 months, at all. Like I said, the only thing is she didn't walk completely unsupported til a year and a half old, and the doctor wasn't worried as she could "cruise" on the furniture and stand on her own for a little bit. She didn't start to show signs until she was closer to two: language regression, food aversions, sensory issues etc. I would make note of the things that concern you and continue to observe, it doesn't sound like he has enough traits yet to make the determination., For communication concerns, check out this free resource. You have to sign up, but they don't contact you if you don't want it. They teach a lot about early non-verbal communication development. https://my.babynavigator.com/, I think it’s too soon, he does clap so he has some gestures. Too soon to be worried about pointing, and waving could come in anytime. The head shake thing, babies can stim and it doesn’t mean they are autistic and lots of babies have quirks. It alone doesn’t really mean anything. I know it’s hard but it is too soon to worry. His language and gestures all seem within the normal range. If you are worried it’s always a good idea to take videos to show the paediatrician to show them directly., By 11 months I had soooooo many concerns. Don't see much for your little guy. Not saying for sure but i would guess he's ok. I'd just keep an eye on him and talk to his doc, Hey! I have a 12.5 month old and he has no words yet and only has clapping as a gesture. I am worried too., ***UPDATE***: He turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and is finally saying "dada" (when I ask him "Who is this?" while pointing at his daddy) and "baba" for "bottle" (simply imitation though, doesn't quite know the meaning yet). Also, his head shaking, both voluntary and involuntary, has lessened significantly. I think learning to walk independently has allowed him to channel a lot of his extra energy 😂 He sometimes waves now, though not consistently. Still hasn't pointed yet. But I'm excited about all his recent developments!, I don't think he reacts? I have told his pediatrician about the head shaking, and he doesn't seem to be concerned. Good to hear about his pointing and language!, Yes shaking head isn't a flag but could be a neurological issue. Probably not but I'm glad I saw this today. I ignored absence seizures bc when I would describe it was like oh he is zoning out or stimming. Recording and seeing if koddp can be brought out of it is important but again not an ASD symptom at all, Did your LO ever have eye contact or pointing before 1.5? Like was there a regression?, Will do, thanks!, That's what I figured, that it's probably too early. Thanks for letting me know about your daughter. The possibility of a major regression scares the life out of me. What did her language regression look like? Did she just lose words or cease to understand/respond to you?, Looks interesting. Thank you!, Thanks, I'd like to think the head shaking isn't really anything! But will keep his doctor in the loop, A good part of me thinks he's okay too :) As a mother though, it's just soooo hard not having those intrusive thoughts!, Record him and record him not responding to touch etc. my son had absence seizures which looked like stinking and zoning out but when we touched him he didn't come out of it. The pediatrician and then neurologist thanked us for recording. Probably nothing but if it would put your mind at ease. Try touching him to see if he stops or reacts of he does he might find it funny etc if he doesn't then say you want to see a neurologist, My oldest no and he is super high functioning where he might lose his dx. He was non verbal until three. My youngest had a severe seizure and loss of skills closer to three. He is on the more moderate side., No pointing. But yes we had eye contact. Then it just went away. Basically from 1.5 to 2.0 he avoided eye contact almost entirely. Eventually it came back and he now makes eye contact. It is kind of still special though when he does it. By 2 he was getting a lot of support (ABA and other therapies). At four, still largely non-verbal but doing well in many other ways. And I gave him a toy airplane today and he repeated back “airplane” to us tonight a word he has never said before, so we are getting some verbal wins like that pretty regularly right now., My typical daughter started whole hand pointing around 11 months, and by 13 months was proper index finger pointing. My niece, who is quite advanced verbally, did not properly point until closer to 18 months. Eye contact was never a problem, but my girl can be distractable. My autistic boy only occasionally whole hand points, and he is 5. He did around 20 months started this but only did it a handful of times before regressing and only did it a handful of times until recently. He still prefers to hand lead. He had many other red flags though. He did have brief eye contact., No problem. I felt it was helpful for thinking things through with my son., Does he hand you toys or things or appear to show you things? And have joint attention with you (ie he looks a book and looks up at you and back at the book?)? Does he notice other people and kids?, Good stuff to know. Thank you!, On the more moderate side, meaning he only has a moderate amount of support? Like he has some degree of self-sufficiency?, And congrats on the progressions, including him repeating back "airplane" for the first time!, Thank you both for your responses!, Wow, no pointing until 18 months! And still turned out to be verbally advanced!, Yes, he definitely hands us toys! We'll be lying on the couch and he'll just randomly come over and plop a toy on us so we can play with it in front of him (we usually do silly things with sound effects, which he loves haha). He also gives toys when we say "give." Yes to what you asked about joint attention! And he most definitely notices other people! But one of my concerns is that he has no stranger danger; he just walks or crawls over to strangers during library storytime, a behavior that's not only nerve wracking, but also embarrassing 😭, Oh he has tons of self help skills but needs support for language etc, She was quite an unsettled baby too, and barely laughed (smiled a lot though). She changed a lot around that age. She very social now and her language is very good, lol he’s way too young to be embarrassed by that! He sounds like a loving adventurous little dude. That’s all great, honestly knowing what I know, given all that I really wouldn’t be worried at all. Just enjoy him, record his head shaking. it is probably nothing but record him. If you touch him when he shakes his head unintentionally does he react? If not record that as well then show the pediatrician. Pointing is expected closer to 18M so he is okay. His language is also within normal., Monitor but too early. And too few red flags. Basically only one that I see is not pointing and I can’t recall if that is a red flag at 11 months. I don’t recall head shaking as a red flag. Way too early for lack of verbal skills to be a red flag. We had eye contact avoidance at 1.5 years and that was our red flag as well as no pointing. We didn’t get pointing until age three which is very late., Look up the cdc milestones they are a general guide of when something should be evaluated further. If your child misses one it likely they could benefit from help. (From your post your child is mostly advanced.) Like for example the milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking is 24 months for the language explosion etc…, Unless a child is presenting with very obvious autistic traits at 11 months (and some do), it can be very, very hard to diagnose at this age as development, with the exception of a few basics, is all over the map, especially when it comes to language. I would let the doctor know about the head shaking again and how it sometimes looks involuntary. I agree with the others that it should be monitored just in case. Other than being a late walker, my daughter showed no signs of autism at 11 months, at all. Like I said, the only thing is she didn't walk completely unsupported til a year and a half old, and the doctor wasn't worried as she could "cruise" on the furniture and stand on her own for a little bit. She didn't start to show signs until she was closer to two: language regression, food aversions, sensory issues etc. I would make note of the things that concern you and continue to observe, it doesn't sound like he has enough traits yet to make the determination., For communication concerns, check out this free resource. You have to sign up, but they don't contact you if you don't want it. They teach a lot about early non-verbal communication development. https://my.babynavigator.com/, I think it’s too soon, he does clap so he has some gestures. Too soon to be worried about pointing, and waving could come in anytime. The head shake thing, babies can stim and it doesn’t mean they are autistic and lots of babies have quirks. It alone doesn’t really mean anything. I know it’s hard but it is too soon to worry. His language and gestures all seem within the normal range. If you are worried it’s always a good idea to take videos to show the paediatrician to show them directly., By 11 months I had soooooo many concerns. Don't see much for your little guy. Not saying for sure but i would guess he's ok. I'd just keep an eye on him and talk to his doc, Hey! I have a 12.5 month old and he has no words yet and only has clapping as a gesture. I am worried too., ***UPDATE***: He turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and is finally saying "dada" (when I ask him "Who is this?" while pointing at his daddy) and "baba" for "bottle" (simply imitation though, doesn't quite know the meaning yet). Also, his head shaking, both voluntary and involuntary, has lessened significantly. I think learning to walk independently has allowed him to channel a lot of his extra energy 😂 He sometimes waves now, though not consistently. Still hasn't pointed yet. But I'm excited about all his recent developments!, I don't think he reacts? I have told his pediatrician about the head shaking, and he doesn't seem to be concerned. Good to hear about his pointing and language!, Yes shaking head isn't a flag but could be a neurological issue. Probably not but I'm glad I saw this today. I ignored absence seizures bc when I would describe it was like oh he is zoning out or stimming. Recording and seeing if koddp can be brought out of it is important but again not an ASD symptom at all, Did your LO ever have eye contact or pointing before 1.5? Like was there a regression?, Will do, thanks!, That's what I figured, that it's probably too early. Thanks for letting me know about your daughter. The possibility of a major regression scares the life out of me. What did her language regression look like? Did she just lose words or cease to understand/respond to you?, Looks interesting. Thank you!, Thanks, I'd like to think the head shaking isn't really anything! But will keep his doctor in the loop, A good part of me thinks he's okay too :) As a mother though, it's just soooo hard not having those intrusive thoughts!, Record him and record him not responding to touch etc. my son had absence seizures which looked like stinking and zoning out but when we touched him he didn't come out of it. The pediatrician and then neurologist thanked us for recording. Probably nothing but if it would put your mind at ease. Try touching him to see if he stops or reacts of he does he might find it funny etc if he doesn't then say you want to see a neurologist, My oldest no and he is super high functioning where he might lose his dx. He was non verbal until three. My youngest had a severe seizure and loss of skills closer to three. He is on the more moderate side., No pointing. But yes we had eye contact. Then it just went away. Basically from 1.5 to 2.0 he avoided eye contact almost entirely. Eventually it came back and he now makes eye contact. It is kind of still special though when he does it. By 2 he was getting a lot of support (ABA and other therapies). At four, still largely non-verbal but doing well in many other ways. And I gave him a toy airplane today and he repeated back “airplane” to us tonight a word he has never said before, so we are getting some verbal wins like that pretty regularly right now., My typical daughter started whole hand pointing around 11 months, and by 13 months was proper index finger pointing. My niece, who is quite advanced verbally, did not properly point until closer to 18 months. Eye contact was never a problem, but my girl can be distractable. My autistic boy only occasionally whole hand points, and he is 5. He did around 20 months started this but only did it a handful of times before regressing and only did it a handful of times until recently. He still prefers to hand lead. He had many other red flags though. He did have brief eye contact., No problem. I felt it was helpful for thinking things through with my son., Does he hand you toys or things or appear to show you things? And have joint attention with you (ie he looks a book and looks up at you and back at the book?)? Does he notice other people and kids?, Good stuff to know. Thank you!, On the more moderate side, meaning he only has a moderate amount of support? Like he has some degree of self-sufficiency?, And congrats on the progressions, including him repeating back "airplane" for the first time!, Thank you both for your responses!, Wow, no pointing until 18 months! And still turned out to be verbally advanced!, Yes, he definitely hands us toys! We'll be lying on the couch and he'll just randomly come over and plop a toy on us so we can play with it in front of him (we usually do silly things with sound effects, which he loves haha). He also gives toys when we say "give." Yes to what you asked about joint attention! And he most definitely notices other people! But one of my concerns is that he has no stranger danger; he just walks or crawls over to strangers during library storytime, a behavior that's not only nerve wracking, but also embarrassing 😭, Oh he has tons of self help skills but needs support for language etc, She was quite an unsettled baby too, and barely laughed (smiled a lot though). She changed a lot around that age. She very social now and her language is very good, lol he’s way too young to be embarrassed by that! He sounds like a loving adventurous little dude. That’s all great, honestly knowing what I know, given all that I really wouldn’t be worried at all. Just enjoy him, record his head shaking. it is probably nothing but record him. If you touch him when he shakes his head unintentionally does he react? If not record that as well then show the pediatrician. Pointing is expected closer to 18M so he is okay. His language is also within normal., Monitor but too early. And too few red flags. Basically only one that I see is not pointing and I can’t recall if that is a red flag at 11 months. I don’t recall head shaking as a red flag. Way too early for lack of verbal skills to be a red flag. We had eye contact avoidance at 1.5 years and that was our red flag as well as no pointing. We didn’t get pointing until age three which is very late., Look up the cdc milestones they are a general guide of when something should be evaluated further. If your child misses one it likely they could benefit from help. (From your post your child is mostly advanced.) Like for example the milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking is 24 months for the language explosion etc…, Unless a child is presenting with very obvious autistic traits at 11 months (and some do), it can be very, very hard to diagnose at this age as development, with the exception of a few basics, is all over the map, especially when it comes to language. I would let the doctor know about the head shaking again and how it sometimes looks involuntary. I agree with the others that it should be monitored just in case. Other than being a late walker, my daughter showed no signs of autism at 11 months, at all. Like I said, the only thing is she didn't walk completely unsupported til a year and a half old, and the doctor wasn't worried as she could "cruise" on the furniture and stand on her own for a little bit. She didn't start to show signs until she was closer to two: language regression, food aversions, sensory issues etc. I would make note of the things that concern you and continue to observe, it doesn't sound like he has enough traits yet to make the determination., For communication concerns, check out this free resource. You have to sign up, but they don't contact you if you don't want it. They teach a lot about early non-verbal communication development. https://my.babynavigator.com/, I think it’s too soon, he does clap so he has some gestures. Too soon to be worried about pointing, and waving could come in anytime. The head shake thing, babies can stim and it doesn’t mean they are autistic and lots of babies have quirks. It alone doesn’t really mean anything. I know it’s hard but it is too soon to worry. His language and gestures all seem within the normal range. If you are worried it’s always a good idea to take videos to show the paediatrician to show them directly., By 11 months I had soooooo many concerns. Don't see much for your little guy. Not saying for sure but i would guess he's ok. I'd just keep an eye on him and talk to his doc, Hey! I have a 12.5 month old and he has no words yet and only has clapping as a gesture. I am worried too., ***UPDATE***: He turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and is finally saying "dada" (when I ask him "Who is this?" while pointing at his daddy) and "baba" for "bottle" (simply imitation though, doesn't quite know the meaning yet). Also, his head shaking, both voluntary and involuntary, has lessened significantly. I think learning to walk independently has allowed him to channel a lot of his extra energy 😂 He sometimes waves now, though not consistently. Still hasn't pointed yet. But I'm excited about all his recent developments!, I don't think he reacts? I have told his pediatrician about the head shaking, and he doesn't seem to be concerned. Good to hear about his pointing and language!, Yes shaking head isn't a flag but could be a neurological issue. Probably not but I'm glad I saw this today. I ignored absence seizures bc when I would describe it was like oh he is zoning out or stimming. Recording and seeing if koddp can be brought out of it is important but again not an ASD symptom at all, Did your LO ever have eye contact or pointing before 1.5? Like was there a regression?, Will do, thanks!, That's what I figured, that it's probably too early. Thanks for letting me know about your daughter. The possibility of a major regression scares the life out of me. What did her language regression look like? Did she just lose words or cease to understand/respond to you?, Looks interesting. Thank you!, Thanks, I'd like to think the head shaking isn't really anything! But will keep his doctor in the loop, A good part of me thinks he's okay too :) As a mother though, it's just soooo hard not having those intrusive thoughts!, Record him and record him not responding to touch etc. my son had absence seizures which looked like stinking and zoning out but when we touched him he didn't come out of it. The pediatrician and then neurologist thanked us for recording. Probably nothing but if it would put your mind at ease. Try touching him to see if he stops or reacts of he does he might find it funny etc if he doesn't then say you want to see a neurologist, My oldest no and he is super high functioning where he might lose his dx. He was non verbal until three. My youngest had a severe seizure and loss of skills closer to three. He is on the more moderate side., No pointing. But yes we had eye contact. Then it just went away. Basically from 1.5 to 2.0 he avoided eye contact almost entirely. Eventually it came back and he now makes eye contact. It is kind of still special though when he does it. By 2 he was getting a lot of support (ABA and other therapies). At four, still largely non-verbal but doing well in many other ways. And I gave him a toy airplane today and he repeated back “airplane” to us tonight a word he has never said before, so we are getting some verbal wins like that pretty regularly right now., My typical daughter started whole hand pointing around 11 months, and by 13 months was proper index finger pointing. My niece, who is quite advanced verbally, did not properly point until closer to 18 months. Eye contact was never a problem, but my girl can be distractable. My autistic boy only occasionally whole hand points, and he is 5. He did around 20 months started this but only did it a handful of times before regressing and only did it a handful of times until recently. He still prefers to hand lead. He had many other red flags though. He did have brief eye contact., No problem. I felt it was helpful for thinking things through with my son., Does he hand you toys or things or appear to show you things? And have joint attention with you (ie he looks a book and looks up at you and back at the book?)? Does he notice other people and kids?, Good stuff to know. Thank you!, On the more moderate side, meaning he only has a moderate amount of support? Like he has some degree of self-sufficiency?, And congrats on the progressions, including him repeating back "airplane" for the first time!, Thank you both for your responses!, Wow, no pointing until 18 months! And still turned out to be verbally advanced!, Yes, he definitely hands us toys! We'll be lying on the couch and he'll just randomly come over and plop a toy on us so we can play with it in front of him (we usually do silly things with sound effects, which he loves haha). He also gives toys when we say "give." Yes to what you asked about joint attention! And he most definitely notices other people! But one of my concerns is that he has no stranger danger; he just walks or crawls over to strangers during library storytime, a behavior that's not only nerve wracking, but also embarrassing 😭, Oh he has tons of self help skills but needs support for language etc, She was quite an unsettled baby too, and barely laughed (smiled a lot though). She changed a lot around that age. She very social now and her language is very good, lol he’s way too young to be embarrassed by that! He sounds like a loving adventurous little dude. That’s all great, honestly knowing what I know, given all that I really wouldn’t be worried at all. Just enjoy him, record his head shaking. it is probably nothing but record him. If you touch him when he shakes his head unintentionally does he react? If not record that as well then show the pediatrician. Pointing is expected closer to 18M so he is okay. His language is also within normal., Monitor but too early. And too few red flags. Basically only one that I see is not pointing and I can’t recall if that is a red flag at 11 months. I don’t recall head shaking as a red flag. Way too early for lack of verbal skills to be a red flag. We had eye contact avoidance at 1.5 years and that was our red flag as well as no pointing. We didn’t get pointing until age three which is very late., Look up the cdc milestones they are a general guide of when something should be evaluated further. If your child misses one it likely they could benefit from help. (From your post your child is mostly advanced.) Like for example the milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking is 24 months for the language explosion etc…, Unless a child is presenting with very obvious autistic traits at 11 months (and some do), it can be very, very hard to diagnose at this age as development, with the exception of a few basics, is all over the map, especially when it comes to language. I would let the doctor know about the head shaking again and how it sometimes looks involuntary. I agree with the others that it should be monitored just in case. Other than being a late walker, my daughter showed no signs of autism at 11 months, at all. Like I said, the only thing is she didn't walk completely unsupported til a year and a half old, and the doctor wasn't worried as she could "cruise" on the furniture and stand on her own for a little bit. She didn't start to show signs until she was closer to two: language regression, food aversions, sensory issues etc. I would make note of the things that concern you and continue to observe, it doesn't sound like he has enough traits yet to make the determination., For communication concerns, check out this free resource. You have to sign up, but they don't contact you if you don't want it. They teach a lot about early non-verbal communication development. https://my.babynavigator.com/, I think it’s too soon, he does clap so he has some gestures. Too soon to be worried about pointing, and waving could come in anytime. The head shake thing, babies can stim and it doesn’t mean they are autistic and lots of babies have quirks. It alone doesn’t really mean anything. I know it’s hard but it is too soon to worry. His language and gestures all seem within the normal range. If you are worried it’s always a good idea to take videos to show the paediatrician to show them directly., By 11 months I had soooooo many concerns. Don't see much for your little guy. Not saying for sure but i would guess he's ok. I'd just keep an eye on him and talk to his doc, Hey! I have a 12.5 month old and he has no words yet and only has clapping as a gesture. I am worried too., ***UPDATE***: He turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and is finally saying "dada" (when I ask him "Who is this?" while pointing at his daddy) and "baba" for "bottle" (simply imitation though, doesn't quite know the meaning yet). Also, his head shaking, both voluntary and involuntary, has lessened significantly. I think learning to walk independently has allowed him to channel a lot of his extra energy 😂 He sometimes waves now, though not consistently. Still hasn't pointed yet. But I'm excited about all his recent developments!, I don't think he reacts? I have told his pediatrician about the head shaking, and he doesn't seem to be concerned. Good to hear about his pointing and language!, Yes shaking head isn't a flag but could be a neurological issue. Probably not but I'm glad I saw this today. I ignored absence seizures bc when I would describe it was like oh he is zoning out or stimming. Recording and seeing if koddp can be brought out of it is important but again not an ASD symptom at all, Did your LO ever have eye contact or pointing before 1.5? Like was there a regression?, Will do, thanks!, That's what I figured, that it's probably too early. Thanks for letting me know about your daughter. The possibility of a major regression scares the life out of me. What did her language regression look like? Did she just lose words or cease to understand/respond to you?, Looks interesting. Thank you!, Thanks, I'd like to think the head shaking isn't really anything! But will keep his doctor in the loop, A good part of me thinks he's okay too :) As a mother though, it's just soooo hard not having those intrusive thoughts!, Record him and record him not responding to touch etc. my son had absence seizures which looked like stinking and zoning out but when we touched him he didn't come out of it. The pediatrician and then neurologist thanked us for recording. Probably nothing but if it would put your mind at ease. Try touching him to see if he stops or reacts of he does he might find it funny etc if he doesn't then say you want to see a neurologist, My oldest no and he is super high functioning where he might lose his dx. He was non verbal until three. My youngest had a severe seizure and loss of skills closer to three. He is on the more moderate side., No pointing. But yes we had eye contact. Then it just went away. Basically from 1.5 to 2.0 he avoided eye contact almost entirely. Eventually it came back and he now makes eye contact. It is kind of still special though when he does it. By 2 he was getting a lot of support (ABA and other therapies). At four, still largely non-verbal but doing well in many other ways. And I gave him a toy airplane today and he repeated back “airplane” to us tonight a word he has never said before, so we are getting some verbal wins like that pretty regularly right now., My typical daughter started whole hand pointing around 11 months, and by 13 months was proper index finger pointing. My niece, who is quite advanced verbally, did not properly point until closer to 18 months. Eye contact was never a problem, but my girl can be distractable. My autistic boy only occasionally whole hand points, and he is 5. He did around 20 months started this but only did it a handful of times before regressing and only did it a handful of times until recently. He still prefers to hand lead. He had many other red flags though. He did have brief eye contact., No problem. I felt it was helpful for thinking things through with my son., Does he hand you toys or things or appear to show you things? And have joint attention with you (ie he looks a book and looks up at you and back at the book?)? Does he notice other people and kids?, Good stuff to know. Thank you!, On the more moderate side, meaning he only has a moderate amount of support? Like he has some degree of self-sufficiency?, And congrats on the progressions, including him repeating back "airplane" for the first time!, Thank you both for your responses!, Wow, no pointing until 18 months! And still turned out to be verbally advanced!, Yes, he definitely hands us toys! We'll be lying on the couch and he'll just randomly come over and plop a toy on us so we can play with it in front of him (we usually do silly things with sound effects, which he loves haha). He also gives toys when we say "give." Yes to what you asked about joint attention! And he most definitely notices other people! But one of my concerns is that he has no stranger danger; he just walks or crawls over to strangers during library storytime, a behavior that's not only nerve wracking, but also embarrassing 😭, Oh he has tons of self help skills but needs support for language etc, She was quite an unsettled baby too, and barely laughed (smiled a lot though). She changed a lot around that age. She very social now and her language is very good, lol he’s way too young to be embarrassed by that! He sounds like a loving adventurous little dude. That’s all great, honestly knowing what I know, given all that I really wouldn’t be worried at all. Just enjoy him

Worried about Spring Break

My son is 4.5 and in his second year of pre-k, 5 days a week. In the past he's been not great buy okay with the change in schedule/ routine for breaks. Lately we've been working on learning the days of the week and what happens on which days.he really likes counting and talking about 5 days are school days. On Thursday he was home sick from school, and was upset for hours about not being able to go. He kept trying to do his school routine, even trying to open the door to leave the house, crying, and repeating phrases about it (e.g. "You want 5 days, there are 5 days!") He's had other sick days or teacher's institute days etc without school, and it's never phased him before. I'm really worried about how he'll handle Spring break next week. I'm going to make a social story, but I don't know what else to do. Help!

Oof, same, but mine is 9 and has school avoidance issues, so kinda opposite. We're in a bad spell right now, and I know that returning after spring break will be bad. In your case, what about a visual schedule for every day? Have a "big" activity planned every day, like playground, library, picnic, going to someone else's house, etc. You could make a calendar with pictures of the activities so he knows what's coming and what to look forward to., Thank you so much! These are some great suggestions. I love all the visuals! I really appreciate the input ❤️, Oof, same, but mine is 9 and has school avoidance issues, so kinda opposite. We're in a bad spell right now, and I know that returning after spring break will be bad. In your case, what about a visual schedule for every day? Have a "big" activity planned every day, like playground, library, picnic, going to someone else's house, etc. You could make a calendar with pictures of the activities so he knows what's coming and what to look forward to., Thank you so much! These are some great suggestions. I love all the visuals! I really appreciate the input ❤️, Oof, same, but mine is 9 and has school avoidance issues, so kinda opposite. We're in a bad spell right now, and I know that returning after spring break will be bad. In your case, what about a visual schedule for every day? Have a "big" activity planned every day, like playground, library, picnic, going to someone else's house, etc. You could make a calendar with pictures of the activities so he knows what's coming and what to look forward to., Thank you so much! These are some great suggestions. I love all the visuals! I really appreciate the input ❤️, Oof, same, but mine is 9 and has school avoidance issues, so kinda opposite. We're in a bad spell right now, and I know that returning after spring break will be bad. In your case, what about a visual schedule for every day? Have a "big" activity planned every day, like playground, library, picnic, going to someone else's house, etc. You could make a calendar with pictures of the activities so he knows what's coming and what to look forward to., Thank you so much! These are some great suggestions. I love all the visuals! I really appreciate the input ❤️

Worried with the signs my 12mos old baby is showing. (is this autism?)

Hi, my baby just turned 12 months, and I’m really worried that he might have ASD. It's the symptoms he has shown that make me uneasy. He is very energetic and restless, especially at night before sleeping (rolling and jumping in the bed). He can’t seem to sit still; even if we leave him in his crib, the maximum amount of time he would stay without crying until someone picks him up is maybe 15 minutes. He only gets to settle or stay a bit longer when watching TV. He has a weird way of playing with his toys; he only plays with them normally for a minute or so, then he tends to inspect them or throw them away. He still doesn’t look when being called (although he has done it a few times when called by other people), and he has a declining appetite for food. I will list the things that he can do and cannot and kindly give me your insights on whether I should be worried or not, as I have been really concerned for the past few weeks, and it's giving me stress. ✅ Can Do: - Say “mama”, “dada”, and “bye” - Can make eye contact and smile - Plays peek-a-boo at times - Waves bye-bye and hi (although I’m not sure if it's hand flapping) - Can ask for someone to pick him up - Can imitate an animal’s growl - Has pointed at an object once - Can stand for a few seconds ❌ Cannot Do: - Look when his name is called - Walk with or without support - Perform tasks appropriate for his age consistently - Sleep alone in the crib With all the things listed, my wife is not as concerned as I am with the other issues I mentioned. She is mostly concerned with the fact that our son, for his age, still doesn’t look when his name is called and has this extraordinary energy and restlessness. Thank you and hoping for your feedback.

I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, I think it’s a little early to be worrying. Kids at that age develop at very different rates, and based on what you’ve posted theres nothing particularly abnormal., It’s too early and he is communicating which is HUGE, There’s no stereotypical red flags so if it was me I would give him some more time. Not walking at just turned 12 months is perfectly normal at this age and still within normal development range. Not sleeping alone in the crib is totally normal as well, he’s still really little. Many children and in many cultures they don’t do this for a long time! First thing they usually do is recommend a hearing test so you could always get that done to ease some worries about him not looking when calling his name., Good news!! The milestone for walking is 17 months. Talking typically has a language explosion by 24 months. Speech just expects 10 words by 24 months. Check out the CDC milestones for a better overview of what is appropriate. So far nothing you posted indicates autism. Many times when children get overtired they become hyper. Otherwise it’s possible that if your child is very active there might be ADHD in your future. ADHD is usually not accessed until after age 4yr., In the UK the NHS wouldn’t refer for diagnosis that young as far as I know. Don’t know about private assessments but still seems young., there’s a lot he IS doing, try to focus on that instead of what he isn’t. if you look at my page, i made a lot of posts like this when i was questioning my daughter’s development and i wish i hadn’t. she did end up being autistic, but worrying and pin-pointing every thing he does isn’t going to change his future. enjoy this time with him and around 18mo if you still have concerns, i’d bring it up to the pediatrician. it sounds like he’s doing great to me, every child does things differently and at different speeds! try and slow down and enjoy him as much as you can right now:) you’ll get your answer eventually🩷, Does he wave? Edit, I see now. I wouldn’t worry, very early., You're baby seems fine. Make a follow up appointment with us in 6 months., There is a wide range of what is considered “normal” for hitting the walking milestone. If they’re not walking independently at 12 months but showing pre-walking signs then I wouldn’t be concerned at all. What do you mean “perform tasks appropriate for his age”? At 12 months there aren’t many tasks kids do… Kids as young as yours typically want to be with/near their trusted people. It’s not odd that he calls out for you after 15 minutes of being left alone in his crib. It’s good that he’s figured out that if he cries he gets a response. Attention span in a 12 month old is not long at all, so not surprised if he can’t sit still or cycles through toys quickly… especially if he has quite a few at his disposal to pick from. If you’re worried, contact your kiddo’s medical providers but nothing here screams autism to me., Thank you so much for taking time to answer my post. Much appreciated. Its just that I’m constantly worried and it’s making me crazy the past few weeks!, What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”, He went through a hearing test before and the results were normal. Anyways I will continue to monitor him and hopefully this is just a case of delayed development. Thank you so much for your time!, Thank you so much! I will take note of this! Thanks again for spending time in reading my post!, You are definitely right. Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel a lot better. May God bless you and your wonderful family., He also shakes his head like he is saying “No” which makes me worried., Thank you so much for taking time in reading my post and giving your advice! So much appreciated!, That’s normal. As parents we’re in a never ending cycle of worry!, Eh… my 2 year stares out the corner of his eyes. My 6 year old with asd did something similar. Turns out the two year old just can’t see well lol. I guess it’s still too early. See a pediatrician though. Could be something bothering him like his ear.. who knows?, What about flight or fight responses? Have you tried swimming? Does he just sink to the bottom or try to stay up?, Thank you! What makes me worried as well is that he shakes his head at random times like he’s saying “No”

Worrying my son smears his poop

I have 4 years old boy with autism and ADHD he doesn’t get OT nor speech therapy because they don’t know much about OT and lack of skillful and competent person for autistic children i stopped taking my child OT and i tried several other centre still is same . He goes to school with his shadow teacher because he is very hyper cannot sit one minute . When he is at home i always tight his leg at chair and that makes me feel guilty if I allow to walk freely around he crushes every thing and throw away eats non edible items, jumps in the window i saw several times he was about to fall. I tried to make child proof house still he peels paint at the wall and eat . plz any advice I am a mom has 2 other child 2 years and 6 months am totally confuse and depressed Whenever he poop smears every where and sometimes eat. He likes putting his fingers down throat until he vomit and start playing his vomit

Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years, Rather than tie him to a chair, do you have a room that you could make a safe room only furnished with things he can't destroy? Also, I know he is still young and very well could grow out of it, but property destruction only really fully improved for us with medication (my son's issue was throwing everything in sight). ABA was helpful as well though, so if you have access to that type of therapy, I would explore it., Sorry did you write you tie his leg to the chair?, Eating non food items can be pretty common. He’ll very likely grow out of it, but it’s definitely not great while it’s happening. Try some clothes that don’t allow access to his diaper or give him more supervision in the bathroom to help with that. He doesn’t know it’s yucky, he’s just exploring. Lots of kids do this. I would read about sensory toys and games for him. If he’s putting things in his mouth or getting into a lot it’s best to give him things designed to chew on and activities that keep him busy. The games can be fun for your other kids too and playing together with them is good for your son. Try to get him as much therapy as you can, keep trying new things and don’t give up. You can do this. My daughter was like this when she was his age and is SO much easier now., My son is very similar to your child in that he is constantly on the move, has pica (likes eating paper) and I constantly have to make sure he doesn’t jump from furniture or climb furniture. I recommend getting him an adaptive onesie in which the zipper is to he back so he is unable to smear his poop. I think that will help you greatly. What makes you think that the speech and OT isn’t competent or qualified? I would restart that therapy so that they can help you with pica, smearing and regulating your child. I also know how hard it is taking care of a child who’s hyperactive but I would say don’t tie your child to a chair. It really is child abuse. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s what it is. I see in your other post that your husband doesn’t help. Have an honest conversation with him and try to get some time to yourself occasionally so you can decompress. Best of luck! Once again, please don’t resort to tying up your child. You’re punishing him because of his autism and it’s beyond his control and he will grow up to resent you for it., Can you put him in his stroller instead of tying his leg onto a chair?, I don,t have empty room , but I will try to move house with more rooms . ABA therapy is not available i feel guilty whenever i see my son tie to the chair that is the only solution I have, I was wondering if I read that correctly….., Yes, Thank you for ur advice, I have seen the way they did OT. The OT room looks like play ground they put my child at trampoline , swing, big balloons and its only 40 minute per day 2 times per week or once . I told them to help my baby to do necessary daily activities like brushing teeth , he doesn’t like brushing his teeth he cries i force every morning. he has severe food eversion his weight is 12kg 4 years

Would it be better for my 4 year old to focus on ABA instead of other therapies?

I get so much information and encouragement from this sub, so I wanted to thank first! :) My 4-year-old boy recently got level 2 autism diagnosis. He is almost completely non-verbal, not potty- trained, and has elopement issues. For his history, he was on private speech therapy and occupational therapy for about an year. He has picked up a couple of words from speech therapy, and I am not sure what he learned from occupational therapy which is 30 minutes a week. Now that he has his diagnosis, he will be able to get ABA at most 30 hours a week. He is starting PreK at public school this fall, and I figured out ABA can help him potty training and other behavioral issues that will help him adapt to school. I am aware that ABA is not welcomed by some people, but I live in a small town, and there is no special education daycare/preschool/school, so that is the only place he can get direct help on his behavior. I was trying to schedule new school year, and it is hard for me to schedule all therapies after school, so I thought maybe I can focus on ABA first, then go back to therapies if needed. So, at max, we can do 3-6pm ABA 5 days a week. Would that be too much? I am looking into what is best for him. He will also receive OT and speech therapy at school which is 30 minutes a week for both even though I pause private OT and speech therapy. TL;DR: My nonverbal 4-year-old did not have much progress in speech and OT, and will be starting ABA soon. Would it be better to put all his time towards ABA? Thank you for reading. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;

Are you sure they dont offer ANY special ed classrooms in your district? He should at the very least have an IEP, right? From what I was told, school speech/ot therapy teach him different things from private speech and ot. I also suggest asking his SLP at school or private SLP about obtaining an AAC device. I would also suggest you keeping the private SLP because, they are professionals in their field and ABA tbh, dont go to school solely for speech. Your private speech therapist/OT should collaborate with ABA to implement the proper teachings., My 20 year old son was offered very little speech therapy or OT when he was younger. We paid privately for speech therapy. But they gave him tons of free ABA. He became prompt dependent. He was kind of a feisty, high spirited little fellow (but very sweet) before ABA. ABA kind of broke his spirit. He did learn to break down tasks. But all of that "wrong- try again" kind of broke his spirit. He's afraid to initiate or do anything on his own. He doesn't want to do things wrong and won't even try. ABA works for a lot of people. But some autistic people hated it. I think that my son got too much. If I could go back in time, I would have done less ABA and more OT., ABA can help with behavior, but it won’t replace OT and speech. At 4 he may not look like he is making much progress but speak to your therapist and see how Genia going. Perhaps a change in goals or approach is needed. Speech and OT can absolutely help with behavior, especially if it stems from sensory or communication issues. Even regulation is the OT’s domain., Speech and OT is way better services then ABA. My son was given 30 hours a week of ABA but there was very little other services. For him he didn’t gain anything from ABA. This was before I knew better., I cannot really comment on therapies but I personally feel like 30 hours a week is a little much to start off. Therapy is work and extremely draining. I speak from experience. It's probably better to build it up so your kid can get used to it., We have a level 3 low-verbal, non-potty-trained 4 year old, and have found a second home/family with our ABA clinic. They also run pre-k and an inclusive gym within the same building, and they have done an amazing job with facilitating everything so she gets social time, gym time, and play time with her ABA, and the strides she has made have been astronomical. Conversely, we have tried 2 different ST’s, along with OT, and feeding therapy, with no results due to the amount of time kids receive with these therapies- Personally, a half an hour or an hour per week was simply not enough to make a difference for our daughter, and it was just making her even more frustrated. We opt for 20 hours max a week for time in her clinic/class, usually closer to 15-18, and it’s worked perfectly for us, her independence builds monthly and watching her make friends and enjoy herself has been SO fun. If you can do group ABA so your kiddo has the social aspect and they agree to not needlessly maximizing your families time in clinic, I absolutely recommend it for kids with higher needs vs. the alternatives. If you can pull off doing all of these together, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be beneficial, but this is all dependent on individual wants and goals though- It doesn’t hurt to test it out and see what works best for your family!, In prek my daughter did half days at school and half days at in home Aba. Worked great for us. Now in kindergarten we’re doing MWF all day school and T TH all day Aba, From ages 22 months to 36 months, our son made very little progress with just speech, OT, and behavioral services. , He started preschool with all those services in Aug 2020, with additional speech and OT at home privately. At 3.5 years old, he was diagnosed as a non-verbal level 3 ASD( Sept 2020). It took another 6 weeks to get ABA started at home. So we did preschool 4 days a week in the morning for 3 hours, had a lunch break, and then did 3 hours of ABA in the afternoons. So a total of 12 hours per week. Over time, we increased his ABA hours to 20 hours. The first year of ABA was in the home, and his second was at a center. We were also able to do his speech therapy at the center in conjunction with his ABA. He graduated out of ABA after about 22 months. His life completely changed after ABA. He started making progress in all areas after 3 months of ABA. His preschool IEP team couldn't believe his turn-around. He is currently 6.5 years old and is going to be in Kindergarten. He still has an IEP and does speech therapy in school, but that is all we are doing for services. He is completely verbal now, can read, and can have conversations. It truly is remarkable what ABA did for our son. Best of luck. Do your due diligence with picking/staying with therapists and do what feels right for your son and family., My son was diagnosed at 4 as level 2 and had elopement issues, aggressive meltdowns, and had no interest in potty training. He has been in 35 hours of ABA a week since then and within 6 months he was no longer eloping, no longer having aggressive meltdowns, and was fully potty trained. ABA has seriously been a life saver for us. It has a bad reputation because of what it used to be, but my son adores his therapists and I really don’t think he would be as successful as he is now without them. ETA: if you have any autism schools or centers in your area I would check those out. My son goes to a private autism school that does ABA on site. They also partner with a speech and OT clinic in the same parking lot so if the students receive services there, the teachers will walk the kids over so the parents don’t have to interrupt their work days to do it. His ABA is a mixture of one on one and group therapy with other kids. But overall it’s been an amazing program. The public school system wouldn’t have been able to offer resources like this for us, and my work schedule wouldn’t have been able to accommodate 35 hours of ABA on top of school, so this really works for us!, Hi there, I'm a veteran special education teacher. I've been trained in and used ABA principles for several years now in my kindergarten students. I think it has it's cons and pros. Kids thrive off of the repetitiveness and structure. However, I have seen it cause many kids to be prompt-dependent and "robot-like", to the point they will not do anything independently without an adult telling them what to do first, even when they know what to do. I think it really all depends on the kid., Kind of in a similar position with my 3 yo. He’s going to go to preschool at our public school 3 days a week and get his speech and OT there. And then I’m putting him in an afternoon program at a Catholic school where his Aba will go, a few times a week for 3 hours. I am loving Aba therapy for my son so far! I’ve seen big gains., ABA in my experience is not that great with helping speech. But we found it invaluable for potty training. I would focus on maybe doing 20 hrs of ABA and making sure the quality of the private ST and OT is working for your child. You could also see if you can find a ST/OT co-treat if you are stretched thin for time. Things to look for in speech is someone that can potentially work with an AAC device and if you think your son is a gestalt processor., We are all about our ASD pre-k and now Kindergarten class. Is there any reason why you're looking at ABA over school?, I would not cut out speech and ot entirely if you don't have to. And you don't necessarily have to. It's common for ABA providers to come work with kids in school. You need to see if your school will accommodate that then find a provider willing to work in the school setting You also might be able to cut onto his school hours to accommodate outside therapy as a medical necessity. That depends on your state laws but they'd add it to his IEP. You can also co-treat. ABA clinics typically welcome those therapists to come treat them there. It's encouraged even because they can coordinate and help work on their speech and OT goals you'd otherwise only get that one hour per week working on, If he’s already getting OT and SP at school then there’s not much regrets (considering he has made minimal progress with those therapies) , just make sure there’s a collaborative coordination between the school therapists and private ABA, typically you can invite his BCBA during IEP meetings, Can you see if ST and OT can happen in conjunction with ABA? Our ABA clinic allows them to come and do therapies with him while his RBTs help which helps everyone be better, Grateful you posted! My son was diagnosed with level 2 ASD a week ago. He's starting speech 2x weekly next week and is on a few ABA center waitlists. We have him doing special needs preschool through the school district but would likely have to pull him from that to do the amount of ABA I'm seeing recommended. Our decision won't be coming for a 3-4 months in all likelihood, but I too have wondered about the value of speech/OT/preschool vs. putting that time toward ABA., Studies have shown intensive at-home ABA programs bring the most results. A mixture of different programs with a some ABA comes in a distant second. A lot of programs call themselves ABA programs, but a good ABA programs include: * A program supervisor with a BCBA who does functional behavioral evaluations and behavioral plans. * Collects data * Involves a few therapists * Is done in your home to improve generalization * Involves the parents and includes parental training * Only uses positive motivational techniques, I take it that you don’t fully understand what ABA really is, am I right? I can tell you exactly what we’re trained to do as an ABA therapist and my experiences regarding ABA., Thank you for the reply. He has an IEP and was at special ed class for preschool. They only have special ed classroom for preschoolers and now he’s grown out of it. I didn’t know that speech and OT are different in schools and in private sectors. It’s very helpful to know! He also has an AAC device but he mainly plays with it. His private SLP also lets him play with it and I am not sure how to teach him to use it. And thank you for the suggestion on collaboration! I should mention at the first ABA session., I see similar things with students I work with... prompt dependency, lack of task initiative, learned/rote responding, lack of skill generalization, limited comprehension, etc... ABA may be helpful I teaching certain skills or reducing behaviors. However, I do not think it should be used as a primary therapy for developing speech/language skills or teaching communication. I am a pediatric SLP and former ABA provider, Thank you for sharing. It is really helpful to hear from parents of older kids because for me, it is hard to think about future because it’s such a burden evryday., Thank you for the reply. I feel like I didn’t understand what OT is doing. His therapist put him on a swing or give him some rings and cones to match colors but that is all. I will talk to her about where she’s going., Thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, I am leaning towards being diligent and take my kid to continue getting speech and OT., Thanks for the input! It will be 15 hours a week, and I agree that it will be draining for a little kiddo to spend all time after school at ABA. I think I am getting anxious that my kid is not making a progress I was expecting after a year of therapies., Thank you for the reply. A prek and an inclusive gym in clinic sounds nice. I agree that 30 minutes a week is not enough, so I tried to implement what I learned in therapy sessions but it’s hard for me as a working mom. But it’s nice to hear that your kid met a nice clinic and group!, Oh I should ask school if that accomodation is possible. I thought public schools cannot change their time. Thank you for the reply!, Thank you for the reply! It is nice to hear successful stories from ABA! I am living everyday in tears and being afraid of how life is going to turn out for my kid. Thanks for the hope!, Here’s an important question I must ask: How did your son feel about attending these ABA sessions? You mentioned a lot about what he learned because of ABA, but nothing about how he felt throughout his experiences., Thank you for sharing you experience! I am happy to hear that ABA worked out well for you. I really wish we had autism schools and centers but we have none. The district only has preschool special ed classroom, and I was willing to drive to far places but they don’t have it either. I am thinking about looking for a job in larger cities with better support., Thank you for the reply. I was so nervous reading about how stringent ABA can be, and now I have hope that it will help him!, Thank you! Potty training is my number one goal. My kid is very big for his age and it is not so easy to change his diaper. Good to hear that ABA worked for potty training! His speech therapist told me that she recently learned the term gestalt language processor and said she will look into it although we might have to find another one since she works for the daycare that we are leaving soon. Thanks for the input!, Sorry maybe it was not clear but I was thinking spending all time after school for ABA instead of going to other therapies to focus all time on ABA., Thank you for the input! Yes, I should ask my kid’s school if they will be able to accomodate hours. PreK is not mandatory here, so I think we will be able to work something out. I should also ask aba provider who’s willing to work at school. I am relatively new in this, and it’s hard to know what is possible and impossible. Thanks for giving suggestions!, Thank you for the reply. That makes sense! Yes, we already had his private speech therapist involve in his IEP. I should ask school ABA to next IEP., I didn’t know this was possible. I should look into it. Thank you :), Thank you for the reply! We only have one ABA program in our town, but I will look around if there’s any in-home ABA., I think they just meant speech vs ABA not school speech vs private speech. In speech kiddo works directly with a highly educated SLP. But that's why hours are so limited. ABA leans heavily on much less trained BT and RBT that are overseen by that highly educated BCBA. The difference between school and private speech is schools are more likely to have older more experienced SLPs. They typically start out in private sector., From experience the swing is from vestibular input, it is helping with sensory issues. It also makes the therapy fun. Putting rings on cones is gross and fine motor movement. If you ask I’m sure the therapist will be happy to speak to you. They might also give you some things to do at home to help support his learning. We did lots of games. Our OT suggested an animal Game to help our kids figure out where their body is in their environment. You choose an animal and you have to move from point a to point b dancing like that animal. The kids loved it. After a while they didn’t bump into things as much., I was told that speech and OT take a LONG time to see any real results. My son goes for one hour of each a week and has been for a couple years now, and I have noticed that he holds writing utensils better and can use scissors on his own now, but haven’t really noticed anything other than that. I know that OT is also incorporating food therapy, but again, we were told not to expect results right away. But ABA focuses more on the eloping, regulating emotions, communicating emotions properly, etc. so if you are looking for improvement in those areas I do think ABA could help with that., They have to allow it legally if you have a diagnosis. ABA is considered an education alternative, Great question! He loved it. It was play based. I did every session with him the first year at home. We just played board games, and we did a lot of sessions outside on our playground, puzzles, bubbles, pretty much you name it. At the center, they had an indoor playground (he loves slides and swings), scooters, balance bikes, video game room with a Nintendo Switch (he loves Mario). And if he did have a meltdown,he was able to go a quiet sensory room until he was ready to work. He called it his therapy school. Edit: They also got him to dance a long to songs and do the gestures that go with the songs by watching videos or his therapists doing the actions. Before the center, he would just watch and never participate. It was so awesome! Edit 2: I should also mention that we had to do parent training once a month. It was very collaborative and an excellent chance to bounce ideas off of them and vice versa., At least for our family, my little guy goes to school from 9:00 to 4:00 5 days a week. His teacher has been teaching special education in little ones and adults with autism for a really long time (22 years) So while she doesn't actually do ABA in school, she uses kind of the same goals but just does it differently. First year at school we drove him both ways for the second year. We thought maybe he would like to ride the bus. He absolutely loves riding the bus, but this means sometimes he doesn't get home till 5:00. After that it gives us time to go through his backpack, dinner, backyard time to and bath. At least for us it just wouldn't work. If I could give you a suggestion I would see how school works for you guys. If you don't see much progress with school, maybe you could do half time each? We have some kids in our classroom that only go in the afternoons and some just mornings to fit the schedule of their other therapies. Good luck to you guys! I hope as the school year starts, you find a schedule that works best for you 🙂, I would think the thing to consider there is if you think they can handle working in a group setting, and if your child needs 1 on 1. Our pre-school absolutely agreed that she needed one on one but did not technically provide it. However there were like 2-4 paras on any given day along with the teacher and only 4-5 kids total and rarely were all of them present and many times she'd even be alone with a whole team. I'm not sure if it was because of COVID protocols at the time so you'd always have kids out for weeks over a sniffle or what. Its a tough decision. For some kids like our level1/2 - 10 year old, it would have been a disservice to take away any school time to send him to ABA. For our 6 year old who we had no access to ABA, aged out at 5 years old in that state sitting on wait lists, and had to relocate across the country desperately trying to get access to it.. in hindsight I would have skipped preschool in a heartbeat to get her into ABA full time. She's never shown progress like she has there. For our 2 year old who is level 2 its a tough call. He had speech delays but its now coming along, just will need help with pronunciation as he's difficult to understand. He has always had receptive language though. He's anxious around other kids but plays great with siblings. Refuses things like potty training and giving up baby bottle. Struggles with transitions and has meltdowns. He's starting in-home ABA and the BCBA I just spoke to 20 minutes ago was pushing to delay pre-school which he will be starting at 3 years old because he's in early intervention now., Yep! If you use home health care therapies they're often happy to go to a school or ABA clinic :), Oh thank you! I always wondered why speech therapy is so short and that makes a lot more sense. I live in college town and I heard that ABA will be led by special education undergraduate students., Thank you for the reply! Yes, it sounds like it takes a long time. My kid only learned hi and bye in a year. Looking forward to improving in eloping!, I wasn’t aware of that. Good to know right before the meeting with teachers. Thank you!, Well it sounds like you were fortunate to find that company that focused on the child and their development rather than compliance and conformity., Thank you for sharing your experience! I didn’t know schools can accomodate and we can only take half classes. I am going to meet his special education teacher and principal for next school year soon, and I should ask what options I have., Thank you for the reply. My kid is going to public PreK and I have requested a 1 on 1 paraprofessional. His class has 24 kids with 2 teachers, so I can’t imagine him surviving without any individual help. I am also thinking about relocating in future to get better support. It must have been a lot for you to relocate across the country. It is frustrating to searching for services in our town to find out it’s not available. Good to hear that your youngest plays well with his siblings. My kid wouldn’t play with his older brother and older brother gets disappointed. It’s hard to explain what is going on to my older one. Best luck for your kids and especially 2 year old for a new journey!, Yea, the bare minimum to become a BT is to have a pulse. The RBT title requires like 40 hours of training and passing a test, so still not all that much more. So the quality of therapists can really vary. Some of the new therapists at our clinic I'm unsure about, but there's some who've worked with her for a good while that I think are just fantastic., No, I did mean school SLP is different from private SLP. Theres an educational modal and a clinical model. Both are qualified SLPs, but they teach differently in the sense that, school will teach to focus on class work, homework, circle time, teachers and students, basically how to get their needs met at school. Private clinics teach everything outside of school and its a lot more broad. Anyway, you should tell the SLP that you prefer your son not play games on the tablet during your session because you or insurance is paying for them to be TEACHING him how to communicate, not play games. If its an iPad, you can set guided access so he wont play the games and just use the AAC app. If its an andriod tablet, i'm not sure how you can lock it. Another thing I wanted to point out, progress will be slow. You mentioned he has been getting services for a year and you have hardly seen any progress. That is normal especially for a non verbal kid. Its gonna take a lot longer than a year to see some progress, but its worth it. Its important for you to talk to the therapists and ask questions, ask what they were working on that day and what areas he needs more work on and what is he improving on, and how you can help him at home., That's why it's very important that the parents really do their homework., Ahh. In our case with our ten year old the school therapist usually focused more on phonetics and such, and the private therapists always asked to communicate and coordinate with the school therapist just to try and work on different things so they'd work on the more social side like back and forth conversation rather then pronunciation. For our 6 year old who is non-verbal they tried to work on PECS and after months of ignoring us and failing then worked on ASL. Naturally they're going to focus on words that she would use while in school. With our non verbal child speech has for years felt like a complete waste of time. They made more progress in pre-school but I think that's because they coordinate with the teachers to work on it so its more than just seeing them for one hour per week. I'm hoping our new speech therapist can start to see similar progress now that she's ready to try AAC again and coordinate with the ABA clinic to actually make progress. Even if not, simply with them meeting in-home at least we know what's going on. Previously we could only do in-clinic and with COVID they didn't want parents present at all. So even we couldn't work on following through with whatever they were doing in that one hour because we had no idea what they were doing.

Would you be receptive to hearing you’re child could be autistic?

So, I am autistic. Unfortunately, my autism effects me to the point where at 35, I am on disability and rely completely on my parents. I was only able to get a 2 year degree even though I am highly intelligent. The thing is, I see A LOT of similarities between me and my niece. Specifically her meltdowns that come from nowhere. She is 9, so it has been going on for a long time. She also has special interests and is an extremely picky eater. She would be a level 1. She is highly intelligent. She is in all excelled classes and was speaking with a vocabulary fit for a 10 year old at the age of 2. She also can’t tell the difference between pain/sickness/sadness. They have taken her to a therapist before and she was diagnosed with ADHD, but I’ve never seen her struggle to concentrate on anything and I was misdiagnosed with that as a child. My therapist wants me to tell my brother about my suspicions because I would have wanted to know sooner than at 35. But my mom thinks that if someone had told her when I was younger that she wouldn’t have believed them and might have been offended because of what she knew about autism at the time. I only see my niece 5 or 6 times a year, so I don’t have a full view of her life. I’m just having a lot of conflicting feelings right now. Would you have wanted a sibling to tell you their suspicions of your child. Especially if it affected them to the point of disability while your child is mostly thriving. My brother and I are not SUPER close and have had a lot of troubles over the years, but once he began raising his daughter, our relationship improved immensely. I’m not sure if this is important, but my brother is not her biological father, so genetics doesn’t come into play here. Her father was bipolar and left her for drugs. My brother married her bio mom and adopted her immediately. We have been in her life since she was just over a year old

It's a hard diagnosis to hear, even though so many parents see it coming. I couldn't tell you why, I think we just fear the unknown as neurotypical people. You could try telling your brother that you feel like your niece seems to struggle in many ways you have experienced as an autistic person, and that autism in girls can go unnoticed and undiagnosed for years. Maybe have some literature ready for him to look at., If someone in my family came to me with good intentions, and we had a positive relationship I would be receptive to it Maybe open the conversation about how you see similarities between you two. I think the hard part of the autism diagnosis is the unknown and what people have in their head when they hear the word autism. Typically people associate the word with whoever they have met with ASD. In many cases that’s someone on the severe end. Growing up I had a severely autistic cousin who had a lot of SIB, was non verbal and who needs lifelong care. I never realized autistics could be verbal, could be independent etc. Ignorance on my part of perpetuated by media Anyways, since your sister already knows you I would assume she’s more comfortable with what autism is and wouldn’t need to go down that same path. Good luck to you guys, My sons aunt told me when he was about 1.5 that she believed my son was autistic. She was very kind about how she approached it, at the time it was not something that I had considered at all. But it was very upsetting to me, I was not upset with her, I was just upset with the situation. I have never had hard feelings towards her because she brought it up, and it turned out that she was right. Actually it was probably a blessing because then when his dr brought it up to me it wasn’t a total shock. It’s just a hard thing to hear, so it will probably be upsetting but I don’t think that it’s out of line to talk to him about it., It could be a relief. My parents kept thinking if they were more strict or tried something else, my brother would "straighten up." I am much older than him and kept encouraging them to get help. I knew something was off but didn't know what. They finally gave in when he was 12 and he got a diagnosis and proper therapy. Everyone was relieved. The constant meltdowns from a 12 year old were quite embarrassing for all of us (including him). If someone had said something sooner (who wasn't my parents' daughter I'm sure he might have gotten help sooner). I have had a similar experience with my kiddo. But I asked for help at 3. I didn't expect autism to be a possibility and had just assumed it was ADHD like both of his parents. But it's been a relief to be told that this is not normal and it isn't us doing a bad job parenting that's the problem. Also a relief to know he/we can get help.

Would you evaluate?

My kid is about to turn 5. Very sweet kid. Communicative, funny, bright. He does not socialize with other kids at school. No behavior issues but generally avoids circle time and plays by himself. He loves to read. He’s been reading independently for about a year. He’s great at math. Does lots of mental addition, subtraction, and multiplication. Knows all his times tables, etc. He loves “size comparison” videos on YouTube. He’s really into space, weight conversions, languages, and building, generally doesn’t like full length movies, but likes some tv like Sean the sheep and bluey. I dunno. I love him. He’s great, totally verbal etc.

Not sure, if he’s communicative and well behaved then what makes you want to evaluate him and for what purpose? Does he need support or professional help with anything?, It wouldn’t ever occur to me to have the child you describe evaluated., Hard to say, but I think that as a parent if you believe there's a reason to get an evaluation then you should listen to your gut. Even if it comes back without a diagnosis then you still have learned something (and might make it easier to sleep at night), He sounds gifted, does his school do testing for gifted programs? It could be both ASD and gifted as well. My 9 year old is in the gifted program and was just diagnosed with ADHD and level 1 ASD. She has a ton of behavior problems mostly at home, she's good in the classroom. She's also socially awkward and other kids call her weird. She has also always had a ton of sensory issues., Does he play well with children slightly older than him? Academically he is ahead of the general NT pre K standards. Try some outside activities with mixed ages and see if he socializes better. I think you certainly can consider getting him evaluated but I think it’s an evaluation for being gifted not ASD. Usually ASD children even ASD gifted children majorly miss milestones., Personal opinion: you eval if you need services for him. If he doesn't need services, don't bother., If you think you should, do it now. The waiting lists can be long, and many providers cater to younger children. I listened to early steps when they told me my son was fine at 3. He was reading and saying words, though not exactly conversational. He was obsessed with space and the phases of the moon. Now he is about to turn 8, and I can't find a facility that will evaluate him unless I do private pay. I just can't afford that. It is hard to see him struggling, and I wish he could have the supports my younger ASD son has, but most places here serve up to 6 yrs old., Tone doesn't transfer well online so please believe me when I say I'm intending this with kindness and empathy: If you have enough questions or concerns about your child that you are googling and getting the courage to ask parents of autistic kids in an autism parenting subreddit whether or not you should have your son evaluated: yes, you should. That doesn't mean they are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, but it does mean that your gut is telling you that they might benefit from some more understanding of how their brain works, and probably some more supports. There is no harm at all in seeking and going through assessments and evaluations, but there could be negative aspects of waiting longer than your son needs., If his verbal communication is fine, he's fine IMO., I think if there is something in your gut that drives you to wonder, getting an assessment will just give you more information. It’s not either/or: you can both get an assessment AND accept and love your kiddo exactly as he is. I have a similar situation with my son, so I say this as much to myself as to you! More info can help you plan supports for him and be proactive. As a child therapist in training, I see the kiddos several years down them line who haven’t had assessments or supports; lots of behaviors can develop that cause additional stress for everyone, especially the kiddo, which can do a number on their self esteem. Sooner the better for interventions!, This could go either way. If you do it (couldn't hurt), make sure whoever is doing it has a lot of experience with 2e., Yes absolutely. You don’t know how things will go for him in a few years. He could fall apart without supports as school gets harder. Supports in school could be social skills courses to help him interact with peers. This would be very beneficial, no? My son does this and it’s been great., Sounds more like asbergers than autism, It will never hurt to get an eval. It might hurt him if you don't and he is autistic. That's how i view it., Anything that offers social groups Whether it be via school SLP or clinic He will find his groove, but he’s got to be around peers in an environment where he’s safe, Is he autistic? In my book this sounds like high functioning assuming he is even autistic. That being said my ten year old son is more on the severe side, he is non verbal and we have many difficulties., I'm an early childhood sped teacher. I have many students who are advanced in reading and math and have an autism diagnosis. your kiddo is likely hyperlexic which is great but does not determine if he is/is not autistic (as you know). if the goal is just to see if he could get special education services, I would reach out to his classroom teacher and ask for an evaluation. they are legally required to give him one for free if you're in the US. we service the kid, not the diagnosis, so a medical evaluation would not be necessary. also, there is the possibility that he is autistic but would not receive special education services. these supports are specifically for students who have a disability that impacts their education in some way. if they determine that he may have some developmentally atypical behaviors (not saying he does--just hypothetically) but that they do not affect his learning, they will likely determine he does not need additional support., 🤷‍♀️ wait lists for evaluations are extremely long. Like 2+yrs for an in person evaluation where I live. I got my son evaluated via telecom health Skype appointments. He's quite a bit more severe than your child, they still consider him non verbal but he does echolalia/gestalt language learner. He was IEP tested through school and gets OT and speech outside of school, even before a diagnosis. I'm not going to lie, if he behaved like your kiddo, having an evaluation wouldn't had even crossed my mind. My son is excellent with numbers too but his other delays and triggers make things more apparent for him. If you want to wait yrs for an official evaluation or potentially spend a couple thousand dollars on one, then do so. I'm not sure what services your child would qualify for. Social engagement isn't a service we've been offered. And from the sounds of your kiddo, it's about the only thing he's lacking in. I'd first consider having him tested for the gifted program since I don't think an evaluation will offer him any services., Mostly to see if he would benefit from additional support. An evaluation would be required to get that in the public school system., That's exactly where I was with my kid who was really similar at this age and they ended up diagnosed as an adult instead., This is the answer! Here’s how subtle autism can be. My son was about 3.5 when I noticed a change in behavior, but couldn’t place my finger on it. (Older half brother is ADHD). And while hyper, presented waaaaay different. 4.5 I started to suspect ASD. When I voiced my concern to mom, she called me crazy. I let his pre-school know I thought he may be autistic and one of the managers said “oh no honey, there’s no way, I have a lot of experience with autistic children”. Turns out, he’s 2e and his profile is consistent with that of a PDA profile. So ya, trust your gut and educate yourself to see how much resonates with you. And who knows, you may get a bonus surprise like I did and discover your own autism., Yesssssss!!!! I thought gifted also. My NT child is 7 and exhibited many of same skills you mention at 5 and is currently in a gifted program where they do have an individualized plan going for her., Exactly. Luckily our state doesn't have as many issues with waits, but my kid's first neuropsych instantly tried to rule out autism at age 18 having known them all of 10 minutes, because according to her, "If it was really autism, you would have caught it by kindergarten at the absolute latest and they learned how to make their own appointments", which delayed diagnoses by several more years and wasted us $5,000., Thank you., I understand why you might think this if you child has struggled with verbal communication, but I must disagree. Autism is SO much more than whether you speak fluently or not. In fact, it's often a particularly dangerous situation when an autistic person is chatty and has a big vocabulary, because that means people like teachers, bosses, etc. expect them to consistently perform at a level that they might not be capable of/capable of all the time, assume they must be equally good at all of their other skills, and minimize what they do struggle with. It has also historically been a way to fly under the radar for diagnosis for years, and/or be denied proper supports, but it seems like this is slowly starting to improve with the possibility to not always be diagnosed at the lowest support level based on speech alone. What's scary though is how many medical professionals, especially those who don't keep up to date on things, will think stuff like this. It's understandable if you aren't in one of those fields and only know your own experience, but someone in charge of diagnosis should definitely know better, and a scary number still don't., Asperger's IS autism., That’s not a used term anymore. Controversial and doesn’t technically “exist” today, FYI. ETA: If you’d like to look up the history about it, it’s “Asperger” btw!, Yeah. The hyperlexia thing is amazing and confusing. The internet doesn’t seem to know much about it. You’ve had hyperlexic kids?, My son is almost 5 diagnosed with autism and the support he gets at his preschool is basically a teacher accompanies him when he gets overstimulated and needs to go to a quiet place or the school gets visits from a therapist to receive advice how to deal with some of his behaviors like difficulty transitioning to a new activity. Did your son tell you why he avoids playing with other children? If it’s just that alone, I wouldn’t suspect autism but obviously I never met him. Do what you think is right for your son., I mean based on everything I know about autism. This child, as described, does not seem to need services., I understand, but all of this seems pretty like a neurotypical 5 year old to me., That’s fair, Oof 😅 fair enough, To be fair, we know so little about the biology of autism that our diagnostic categories are kind of arbitrarily made up social constructs. The major issue was that insurance companies weren’t paying out for services for Asperger’s. There was also extremely poor inter-reliability between diagnosticians., yes! I actually have 2 right now lol. both students are 3 and in kindergarten levels for reading and math. both struggle significantly with emotional regulation and daily life tasks which is why they are with me. people are complicated and so are sped services! I do not know about the, like, brain processes behind hyperlexism or why it happens but I'm happy to answer other questions about it., I think is the combination of lack of social engagement and super advanced math and reading. Plus trouble transitioning and somewhat obsessive obsession with order and sizes., Based on what you know about a particular way that it presents that this kid is not exhibiting. Just wait until he starts taking timed exams and flounders and doesn't know why everyone thinks he's "smart but lazy". Or when he graduates college and realizes he has no professional network and doesn't get work and doesn't know how. Or why he can never get himself to do dishes or laundry. Or tries to date and wonders why he can never figure out when he's being flirted with or how to go about getting a partner. And by then, he'll be "too old" in a lot of places and might resent his parents for not being proactive when he was younger. It's not just always the shit smearing kids who don't talk who need services., That's why this person should take their kid to a person who has gone to school for all of this who would know better than either of us what's what., I would talk with your son, he sounds a lot like me. I have never received a diagnosis, and I am currently seeking an evaluation after having both my sons be diagnosed and the "joke" about me being autistic stopped being a joke. It's much harder to get a diagnosis in your 30s than in your childhood, as there are fewer specialists. If he's doing well in school, talk to him about what support he needs to help him socially and with transitions. Weigh the pros and cons of getting him evaluated, and if he seems to understand (he is only five, but he also sounds very bright), then I would keep him in the loop and get his opinion. I wish the best of luck to you, and I think you're a great mom for looking into every resource that could be available for him., Absolutely. Its also why I included IMO in my first comment. My opinion is only worth so much and you're also assuming I haven't gone to school for this.

advice

hi so my son is going through a food regression..he was already a picky eater but these last maybe 2 months its gotten worse he only wants to ear dino nuggets ...he no longer eats his most favorite foods like , strawberries, blueberries, strawberries, bananas , pizza , OREOS ( man he loved those ) mac and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches , fries 🍟 ( he loved loved those) i dont know what to do . my mother in law and bf say .. he will ear when he wants to eat we cant feed him only chicken nuggets and i know we cant feed him only chicken nuggets but ugh what am i going to do when he refuses dino nuggets too..yesterday i put some cheeze it on his plate to see if he would try them he started gagging and almost threw up just by touching them ( he was throwing them away because he didnt want them on his plate ) i just feel lost i dont know how to help him and im wasting food that he wont eat

ARFID. Contact your pediatrician and ask for a referral to a feeding therapist. My kiddo gets therapy through an eating disorder clinic as well as his speech Pathologist. Sometimes Occupational Therapists will do so as well. It might depend on what's in your area. It is a long battle, but it's doable., Try giving him other foods that are similar to them like texture and taste and gradually add on more food like instead of Dino nuggies try giving him grilled chicken or a chicken sandwich or even give him Dino nuggies but with ketch up and slow introduce more foods as time go on, My little one stopped eating some of his favorite things as well. It turns out that it wasn't regression but just the fact that he just got sick of it. Were you giving him the same stuff to eat more often than not? I would say that make a list and don't give him that thing more than once a week. Start to slowly introduce one new item at a time and slowly start adding them to the list. Also avoid giving them snacks. Give them 3-4 meals a day. They will eat it when they're hungry., How has therapy been going for you? We tried a year ago and just never made progress. Curious as to others experiences., A year made a minimal amount of difference. I'm at four years almost now. We have moved from just a few safe foods and a constant gag reflex/vomit to more than a dozen safe foods, increased flexibility, virtually no gagging, and he's able to communicate about his preferences to some degree (texture, taste, appearance). It's a marathon, not a sprint, for sure, but it is possible. I create a no stress and no pressure environment surrounding food and it takes a LOT of patience., That's great! I'm glad you're seeing progress., ARFID. Contact your pediatrician and ask for a referral to a feeding therapist. My kiddo gets therapy through an eating disorder clinic as well as his speech Pathologist. Sometimes Occupational Therapists will do so as well. It might depend on what's in your area. It is a long battle, but it's doable., Try giving him other foods that are similar to them like texture and taste and gradually add on more food like instead of Dino nuggies try giving him grilled chicken or a chicken sandwich or even give him Dino nuggies but with ketch up and slow introduce more foods as time go on, My little one stopped eating some of his favorite things as well. It turns out that it wasn't regression but just the fact that he just got sick of it. Were you giving him the same stuff to eat more often than not? I would say that make a list and don't give him that thing more than once a week. Start to slowly introduce one new item at a time and slowly start adding them to the list. Also avoid giving them snacks. Give them 3-4 meals a day. They will eat it when they're hungry., How has therapy been going for you? We tried a year ago and just never made progress. Curious as to others experiences., A year made a minimal amount of difference. I'm at four years almost now. We have moved from just a few safe foods and a constant gag reflex/vomit to more than a dozen safe foods, increased flexibility, virtually no gagging, and he's able to communicate about his preferences to some degree (texture, taste, appearance). It's a marathon, not a sprint, for sure, but it is possible. I create a no stress and no pressure environment surrounding food and it takes a LOT of patience., That's great! I'm glad you're seeing progress., ARFID. Contact your pediatrician and ask for a referral to a feeding therapist. My kiddo gets therapy through an eating disorder clinic as well as his speech Pathologist. Sometimes Occupational Therapists will do so as well. It might depend on what's in your area. It is a long battle, but it's doable., Try giving him other foods that are similar to them like texture and taste and gradually add on more food like instead of Dino nuggies try giving him grilled chicken or a chicken sandwich or even give him Dino nuggies but with ketch up and slow introduce more foods as time go on, My little one stopped eating some of his favorite things as well. It turns out that it wasn't regression but just the fact that he just got sick of it. Were you giving him the same stuff to eat more often than not? I would say that make a list and don't give him that thing more than once a week. Start to slowly introduce one new item at a time and slowly start adding them to the list. Also avoid giving them snacks. Give them 3-4 meals a day. They will eat it when they're hungry., How has therapy been going for you? We tried a year ago and just never made progress. Curious as to others experiences., A year made a minimal amount of difference. I'm at four years almost now. We have moved from just a few safe foods and a constant gag reflex/vomit to more than a dozen safe foods, increased flexibility, virtually no gagging, and he's able to communicate about his preferences to some degree (texture, taste, appearance). It's a marathon, not a sprint, for sure, but it is possible. I create a no stress and no pressure environment surrounding food and it takes a LOT of patience., That's great! I'm glad you're seeing progress., ARFID. Contact your pediatrician and ask for a referral to a feeding therapist. My kiddo gets therapy through an eating disorder clinic as well as his speech Pathologist. Sometimes Occupational Therapists will do so as well. It might depend on what's in your area. It is a long battle, but it's doable., Try giving him other foods that are similar to them like texture and taste and gradually add on more food like instead of Dino nuggies try giving him grilled chicken or a chicken sandwich or even give him Dino nuggies but with ketch up and slow introduce more foods as time go on, My little one stopped eating some of his favorite things as well. It turns out that it wasn't regression but just the fact that he just got sick of it. Were you giving him the same stuff to eat more often than not? I would say that make a list and don't give him that thing more than once a week. Start to slowly introduce one new item at a time and slowly start adding them to the list. Also avoid giving them snacks. Give them 3-4 meals a day. They will eat it when they're hungry., How has therapy been going for you? We tried a year ago and just never made progress. Curious as to others experiences., A year made a minimal amount of difference. I'm at four years almost now. We have moved from just a few safe foods and a constant gag reflex/vomit to more than a dozen safe foods, increased flexibility, virtually no gagging, and he's able to communicate about his preferences to some degree (texture, taste, appearance). It's a marathon, not a sprint, for sure, but it is possible. I create a no stress and no pressure environment surrounding food and it takes a LOT of patience., That's great! I'm glad you're seeing progress.

advice needed about toddler

A little background first, my husband i are both nerodivergent of different flavors. Im diagnosed with 4 forms of dyslexia, anxiety, depression and have been told by several medical doctors that im more than likely adhd and on the spectrum myself (but being close to 40 and female assigned at birth, wont refer me for treatment). Hubby is a vet with PTSD, anxiety, depression and mild adhd symptoms. Our daughter is now 3, turning 4 in april. She has shown many signs of being on the spectrum herself. She may be 3 years old, but shes the size of a 6 year old. Her size matters because, well, shes -im hoping- an unintentional bully to other kids her age. Developmentally she seems about 6months+ behind her age at any given time. So i dont honestly believe that she understands things that others the same age are able to pick up. Shes just been "kicked out" of her structured gym class for this behavior. I dont know what to do. Shes the sweetest thing normally but is in the "mine", "share (but means mine)" phase. How do i help her understand taking turns, sharing or just keeping her hands to herself?

This sounds like an excellent opportunity to set up some scenes at home and meet them on their level. Set up all the same structure in the classroom (I went to my son's class and had them walk me through the typical class structure) and carry that forward and play your own version of school at home. Make a list of the challenging behaviours and gently move to play scenarios where the behaviour may come up and address at that moment. This works even better if you have peers their age that you can stand back and mediate. The main focus is constantly aiming for praise of the "appropriate" behaviours and with time these behaviors should begin to slowly extinguish themselves as your child sees the positive difference of play. We kept my son back a year to develop language, so we have a similar problem with him being a little larger than the other kids, so his distancing can seem more intense than it actually is. We know sharing is a hard, especially when our kid can put so much emotional weight behind the toy and the scene they're involved in.

asd 4 year old wants me to carry him everywhere

as title says, my asd 4 year old wants me to carry him everywhere. if i try to make him walk he will either take off running or bang his head on the nearest hard surface. is there any solution to this?

My son is 7 ASD. I use the Walking, Walking song when he wants me to carry him. This usually works and it gets him moving and laughing. 😂 . [Super Simple Songs - Walking, Walking](https://youtu.be/fPMjnlTEZwU?si=hDU9MdvRzIECJxhQ), I have no real experience based advice for helping him be ok with walking more. Maybe get some wheelies and hold his hand so he won't fall? My son is 5 and only wants to walk in very familiar areas, it's been that way since he was about 2. We ended up getting him a special wagon. (It's good for him and my own physical disabilities) It's a nice collapsible wagon with 5-point harnesses, a removable table, and a canopy. It also has wagon and stroller options for the parents. I love this thing! When we know we will be somewhere he won't walk or that will be difficult to carry things, we bring the wagon. He loves it and it became his mobile safe space. We have also found that if he sits in the wagon for a while, sometimes he does end up wanting to get out and explore a little with us. (Guess I was wrong. This does help a bit with getting him to walk), Try to compromise by holding his hand. I know when I was younger being near someone who made me feel safe made overstimulating situations less bad. Could also have a comfort item for him. I had a stuffy that my mom would “fill” with her love and knowing that made me feel safe when I held it., Mine is 7 now but he’s always done the same (eloping but not the head banging which i admit makes it more difficult of a challenge). I wore him in baby and toddler back carriers until he was too big for them. Now he will try and step in front of me to get me to stop and pick him up. I do a little spin and walk away from him facing him like a carrot on a stick. I stay just out of his reach and that gets us a little ways. Also sometimes it works if i take his hand and say quickly ‘here we go- 1,2,3!’ And speed walk a ways like a race. He slows down pretty soon and i do it again. Often he will just sit on the ground in protest and become a noodle if i try to stand him up. Worse comes to worse i pick him up and walk a few steps and try it all again. I park across the street from his school so it’s a consistently same location we walk to. He does not run anymore during that transition but does often insist on being carried. The school uses a wagon but tbh I’m not a wagon person. I don’t want to lug a wagon with me everywhere. Seems counterproductive imho (no offense to anyone using one and i do support the school using it) because it’s avoiding the antecedents of a behavior excess rather than fixing it. Anyway, i hope some of that could be useful for someone. 💕, omg i’m going to try this🤣 he usually gets overstimulated by singing but it won’t hurt to try. thank you🫶🏼, I’m going to try this one too. Daniel Tiger also has tons of useful kid jingles for every activity. Did you know that show is aimed at kids but technically it’s goal is to help parents navigate challenging scenarios?, My worry with the wagon is the same reason i don’t carry a purse- if i have to chase him, he’s fast and i can’t chase with a big purse or a wagon. I spent too many years in a big city to just leave something while i chase my kid- someone will surely steal it. I am not booking it full speed with a wagon in tow. I’m not neurotic 😆 (chalk that up to things that make me think the autism came from me 😆), That stuffy idea is so cute. My youngest asd doesn’t care about stuffies and would not understand the filling (mentally he’s 18 months, physically he’s 7). But my older 9 yo adhd son might like that idea for this summer when my husband and i are going on a vacation., Maybe the singing and executing the moves will have him focus on following along that he’ll forget all about being carried lol 😁, My son is 7 ASD. I use the Walking, Walking song when he wants me to carry him. This usually works and it gets him moving and laughing. 😂 . [Super Simple Songs - Walking, Walking](https://youtu.be/fPMjnlTEZwU?si=hDU9MdvRzIECJxhQ), I have no real experience based advice for helping him be ok with walking more. Maybe get some wheelies and hold his hand so he won't fall? My son is 5 and only wants to walk in very familiar areas, it's been that way since he was about 2. We ended up getting him a special wagon. (It's good for him and my own physical disabilities) It's a nice collapsible wagon with 5-point harnesses, a removable table, and a canopy. It also has wagon and stroller options for the parents. I love this thing! When we know we will be somewhere he won't walk or that will be difficult to carry things, we bring the wagon. He loves it and it became his mobile safe space. We have also found that if he sits in the wagon for a while, sometimes he does end up wanting to get out and explore a little with us. (Guess I was wrong. This does help a bit with getting him to walk), Try to compromise by holding his hand. I know when I was younger being near someone who made me feel safe made overstimulating situations less bad. Could also have a comfort item for him. I had a stuffy that my mom would “fill” with her love and knowing that made me feel safe when I held it., Mine is 7 now but he’s always done the same (eloping but not the head banging which i admit makes it more difficult of a challenge). I wore him in baby and toddler back carriers until he was too big for them. Now he will try and step in front of me to get me to stop and pick him up. I do a little spin and walk away from him facing him like a carrot on a stick. I stay just out of his reach and that gets us a little ways. Also sometimes it works if i take his hand and say quickly ‘here we go- 1,2,3!’ And speed walk a ways like a race. He slows down pretty soon and i do it again. Often he will just sit on the ground in protest and become a noodle if i try to stand him up. Worse comes to worse i pick him up and walk a few steps and try it all again. I park across the street from his school so it’s a consistently same location we walk to. He does not run anymore during that transition but does often insist on being carried. The school uses a wagon but tbh I’m not a wagon person. I don’t want to lug a wagon with me everywhere. Seems counterproductive imho (no offense to anyone using one and i do support the school using it) because it’s avoiding the antecedents of a behavior excess rather than fixing it. Anyway, i hope some of that could be useful for someone. 💕, omg i’m going to try this🤣 he usually gets overstimulated by singing but it won’t hurt to try. thank you🫶🏼, I’m going to try this one too. Daniel Tiger also has tons of useful kid jingles for every activity. Did you know that show is aimed at kids but technically it’s goal is to help parents navigate challenging scenarios?, My worry with the wagon is the same reason i don’t carry a purse- if i have to chase him, he’s fast and i can’t chase with a big purse or a wagon. I spent too many years in a big city to just leave something while i chase my kid- someone will surely steal it. I am not booking it full speed with a wagon in tow. I’m not neurotic 😆 (chalk that up to things that make me think the autism came from me 😆), That stuffy idea is so cute. My youngest asd doesn’t care about stuffies and would not understand the filling (mentally he’s 18 months, physically he’s 7). But my older 9 yo adhd son might like that idea for this summer when my husband and i are going on a vacation., Maybe the singing and executing the moves will have him focus on following along that he’ll forget all about being carried lol 😁, My son is 7 ASD. I use the Walking, Walking song when he wants me to carry him. This usually works and it gets him moving and laughing. 😂 . [Super Simple Songs - Walking, Walking](https://youtu.be/fPMjnlTEZwU?si=hDU9MdvRzIECJxhQ), I have no real experience based advice for helping him be ok with walking more. Maybe get some wheelies and hold his hand so he won't fall? My son is 5 and only wants to walk in very familiar areas, it's been that way since he was about 2. We ended up getting him a special wagon. (It's good for him and my own physical disabilities) It's a nice collapsible wagon with 5-point harnesses, a removable table, and a canopy. It also has wagon and stroller options for the parents. I love this thing! When we know we will be somewhere he won't walk or that will be difficult to carry things, we bring the wagon. He loves it and it became his mobile safe space. We have also found that if he sits in the wagon for a while, sometimes he does end up wanting to get out and explore a little with us. (Guess I was wrong. This does help a bit with getting him to walk), Try to compromise by holding his hand. I know when I was younger being near someone who made me feel safe made overstimulating situations less bad. Could also have a comfort item for him. I had a stuffy that my mom would “fill” with her love and knowing that made me feel safe when I held it., Mine is 7 now but he’s always done the same (eloping but not the head banging which i admit makes it more difficult of a challenge). I wore him in baby and toddler back carriers until he was too big for them. Now he will try and step in front of me to get me to stop and pick him up. I do a little spin and walk away from him facing him like a carrot on a stick. I stay just out of his reach and that gets us a little ways. Also sometimes it works if i take his hand and say quickly ‘here we go- 1,2,3!’ And speed walk a ways like a race. He slows down pretty soon and i do it again. Often he will just sit on the ground in protest and become a noodle if i try to stand him up. Worse comes to worse i pick him up and walk a few steps and try it all again. I park across the street from his school so it’s a consistently same location we walk to. He does not run anymore during that transition but does often insist on being carried. The school uses a wagon but tbh I’m not a wagon person. I don’t want to lug a wagon with me everywhere. Seems counterproductive imho (no offense to anyone using one and i do support the school using it) because it’s avoiding the antecedents of a behavior excess rather than fixing it. Anyway, i hope some of that could be useful for someone. 💕, omg i’m going to try this🤣 he usually gets overstimulated by singing but it won’t hurt to try. thank you🫶🏼, I’m going to try this one too. Daniel Tiger also has tons of useful kid jingles for every activity. Did you know that show is aimed at kids but technically it’s goal is to help parents navigate challenging scenarios?, My worry with the wagon is the same reason i don’t carry a purse- if i have to chase him, he’s fast and i can’t chase with a big purse or a wagon. I spent too many years in a big city to just leave something while i chase my kid- someone will surely steal it. I am not booking it full speed with a wagon in tow. I’m not neurotic 😆 (chalk that up to things that make me think the autism came from me 😆), That stuffy idea is so cute. My youngest asd doesn’t care about stuffies and would not understand the filling (mentally he’s 18 months, physically he’s 7). But my older 9 yo adhd son might like that idea for this summer when my husband and i are going on a vacation., Maybe the singing and executing the moves will have him focus on following along that he’ll forget all about being carried lol 😁, My son is 7 ASD. I use the Walking, Walking song when he wants me to carry him. This usually works and it gets him moving and laughing. 😂 . [Super Simple Songs - Walking, Walking](https://youtu.be/fPMjnlTEZwU?si=hDU9MdvRzIECJxhQ), I have no real experience based advice for helping him be ok with walking more. Maybe get some wheelies and hold his hand so he won't fall? My son is 5 and only wants to walk in very familiar areas, it's been that way since he was about 2. We ended up getting him a special wagon. (It's good for him and my own physical disabilities) It's a nice collapsible wagon with 5-point harnesses, a removable table, and a canopy. It also has wagon and stroller options for the parents. I love this thing! When we know we will be somewhere he won't walk or that will be difficult to carry things, we bring the wagon. He loves it and it became his mobile safe space. We have also found that if he sits in the wagon for a while, sometimes he does end up wanting to get out and explore a little with us. (Guess I was wrong. This does help a bit with getting him to walk), Try to compromise by holding his hand. I know when I was younger being near someone who made me feel safe made overstimulating situations less bad. Could also have a comfort item for him. I had a stuffy that my mom would “fill” with her love and knowing that made me feel safe when I held it., Mine is 7 now but he’s always done the same (eloping but not the head banging which i admit makes it more difficult of a challenge). I wore him in baby and toddler back carriers until he was too big for them. Now he will try and step in front of me to get me to stop and pick him up. I do a little spin and walk away from him facing him like a carrot on a stick. I stay just out of his reach and that gets us a little ways. Also sometimes it works if i take his hand and say quickly ‘here we go- 1,2,3!’ And speed walk a ways like a race. He slows down pretty soon and i do it again. Often he will just sit on the ground in protest and become a noodle if i try to stand him up. Worse comes to worse i pick him up and walk a few steps and try it all again. I park across the street from his school so it’s a consistently same location we walk to. He does not run anymore during that transition but does often insist on being carried. The school uses a wagon but tbh I’m not a wagon person. I don’t want to lug a wagon with me everywhere. Seems counterproductive imho (no offense to anyone using one and i do support the school using it) because it’s avoiding the antecedents of a behavior excess rather than fixing it. Anyway, i hope some of that could be useful for someone. 💕, omg i’m going to try this🤣 he usually gets overstimulated by singing but it won’t hurt to try. thank you🫶🏼, I’m going to try this one too. Daniel Tiger also has tons of useful kid jingles for every activity. Did you know that show is aimed at kids but technically it’s goal is to help parents navigate challenging scenarios?, My worry with the wagon is the same reason i don’t carry a purse- if i have to chase him, he’s fast and i can’t chase with a big purse or a wagon. I spent too many years in a big city to just leave something while i chase my kid- someone will surely steal it. I am not booking it full speed with a wagon in tow. I’m not neurotic 😆 (chalk that up to things that make me think the autism came from me 😆), That stuffy idea is so cute. My youngest asd doesn’t care about stuffies and would not understand the filling (mentally he’s 18 months, physically he’s 7). But my older 9 yo adhd son might like that idea for this summer when my husband and i are going on a vacation., Maybe the singing and executing the moves will have him focus on following along that he’ll forget all about being carried lol 😁

autistic four year old and the dentist

my family and i need advice on how to help my little sister, 4, asd level 3, minimally verbal, with the dentist. over the last week or two she has been noticeably more cranky, and grasping at her cheek, saying “ow!” or just plain “here”. we figured it was a cavity so we took her to a local children’s dentist. it went smoothly, meeting the dentist and sitting down, getting accommodated to the seat and the overall ambience, but as soon as the dentist came in again and started to try to open her mouth, she screamed, kicked, and cried. the dentist stopped and we discussed how the dentist said she had seen three or four cavities in my sister’s back molars. we discussed light plans of our next appointment and set it up but are anxious of the anesthesia they have in plan for her. it will cost just short of 1,000$ (not counting the actual services, 1k is just the general anesthesia) which is. a lot to drop all at once. we have considered giving her baby melatonin, baby aspirin, baby Tylenol, to calm her down, but have figured that none of those will solve her not wanting anyone to start to even pry open her mouth. i’ve looked on older posts and most comments say to just get it over with and set up a payment plan but any advice for alternatives would be GREATLY appreciated.

Dental work is so tough. Find a good pediatric dentist who is knowledgeable about autism and special needs children. It makes all the difference. Also yes, drop the money and get it taken care of. We’ve had to do this twice now. Tooth pain is SO painful and if not taken care of will only get worse and infect her adult teeth! I’m so sorry I know how frustrating it is. But definitely look into pediatric dentist who can help!!, Ive been avoiding this for years. I have a level 1 boy and level 2 boy that I’m taking in on Monday. Ages 3 and 5. I’m so nervous. For the experience. For the cost. For the guilt of not taking them sooner. And the results. Brushing is so hard and I know I’m not doing enough. They eat almost exclusively carbs. Luckily, not much juice. Hoping it goes well. So sorry for your troubles OP. thanks for sharing your story., thank you! we’re sticking with the pediatric dentist we have right now, just for this appointment and to get her molars fixed ASAP, but definitely looking for one knowledgeable and much more familiar with special needs. i appreciate the advice!, i appreciate the advice a ton! we’re definitely taking her in and getting her gen. anesthesia. 200% going to brush her teeth much more often and keep an eye on what she eats/drinks., Dental work is so tough. Find a good pediatric dentist who is knowledgeable about autism and special needs children. It makes all the difference. Also yes, drop the money and get it taken care of. We’ve had to do this twice now. Tooth pain is SO painful and if not taken care of will only get worse and infect her adult teeth! I’m so sorry I know how frustrating it is. But definitely look into pediatric dentist who can help!!, Ive been avoiding this for years. I have a level 1 boy and level 2 boy that I’m taking in on Monday. Ages 3 and 5. I’m so nervous. For the experience. For the cost. For the guilt of not taking them sooner. And the results. Brushing is so hard and I know I’m not doing enough. They eat almost exclusively carbs. Luckily, not much juice. Hoping it goes well. So sorry for your troubles OP. thanks for sharing your story., thank you! we’re sticking with the pediatric dentist we have right now, just for this appointment and to get her molars fixed ASAP, but definitely looking for one knowledgeable and much more familiar with special needs. i appreciate the advice!, i appreciate the advice a ton! we’re definitely taking her in and getting her gen. anesthesia. 200% going to brush her teeth much more often and keep an eye on what she eats/drinks., Dental work is so tough. Find a good pediatric dentist who is knowledgeable about autism and special needs children. It makes all the difference. Also yes, drop the money and get it taken care of. We’ve had to do this twice now. Tooth pain is SO painful and if not taken care of will only get worse and infect her adult teeth! I’m so sorry I know how frustrating it is. But definitely look into pediatric dentist who can help!!, Ive been avoiding this for years. I have a level 1 boy and level 2 boy that I’m taking in on Monday. Ages 3 and 5. I’m so nervous. For the experience. For the cost. For the guilt of not taking them sooner. And the results. Brushing is so hard and I know I’m not doing enough. They eat almost exclusively carbs. Luckily, not much juice. Hoping it goes well. So sorry for your troubles OP. thanks for sharing your story., thank you! we’re sticking with the pediatric dentist we have right now, just for this appointment and to get her molars fixed ASAP, but definitely looking for one knowledgeable and much more familiar with special needs. i appreciate the advice!, i appreciate the advice a ton! we’re definitely taking her in and getting her gen. anesthesia. 200% going to brush her teeth much more often and keep an eye on what she eats/drinks., Dental work is so tough. Find a good pediatric dentist who is knowledgeable about autism and special needs children. It makes all the difference. Also yes, drop the money and get it taken care of. We’ve had to do this twice now. Tooth pain is SO painful and if not taken care of will only get worse and infect her adult teeth! I’m so sorry I know how frustrating it is. But definitely look into pediatric dentist who can help!!, Ive been avoiding this for years. I have a level 1 boy and level 2 boy that I’m taking in on Monday. Ages 3 and 5. I’m so nervous. For the experience. For the cost. For the guilt of not taking them sooner. And the results. Brushing is so hard and I know I’m not doing enough. They eat almost exclusively carbs. Luckily, not much juice. Hoping it goes well. So sorry for your troubles OP. thanks for sharing your story., thank you! we’re sticking with the pediatric dentist we have right now, just for this appointment and to get her molars fixed ASAP, but definitely looking for one knowledgeable and much more familiar with special needs. i appreciate the advice!, i appreciate the advice a ton! we’re definitely taking her in and getting her gen. anesthesia. 200% going to brush her teeth much more often and keep an eye on what she eats/drinks.

do yall think i’m crazy ???

so i have expressed concerns since my son was 18m that he was autistic . i have a whole long list of things i have expressed . we go soon to have him evaluated but it takes forever . here is my list : 1. hand leading - meaning he leads me thing that he wants/needs by pulling our fingers/hands . 2. preference on things - meaning he only likes certain textures for example his bottles have to be soft nipple , he LOVES to chew on them just like he did his pacis … FOOD is a huge difficulty for him he has “safe foods “ he will touch and inspect his food and if he doesn’t like how it looks for feels he won’t eat it . which i do but AFIRD is also a sign of being autistic . 3. pica - he chews on things that are NOT editable all the time no matter how hard i try to keep things from him , example of things he likes to chew on are strings , loofahs , dryer sheets , and lent . 4. he “stims” - examples on he stims are , when he is happy he likes to jump up and down and clap his hands like make the clapping sound ! he screams when he is happy and claps( like yayyyyy typa clap) his hands together ! , hits his chest and or legs 5. head banging / biting - he isnt/doesn’t know to properly convey how he feels so he likes to bang his head or bite on things when he is told no or things don’t go his way . 6. speech delay/regression - he use to to talk and say “mama , dada , eat eat , no “ now he doesn’t say any of these things he says dada . 7. running back and forth places - he liked to run from one end of the house to other and or run from on place to other. 8. inappropriate laugh - he laughs at weird times like nothing could be happening and he will laugh 9. tippie toes - walks and runs on tippie toes sometimes

Take videos anything repetitive and restrictive. I also took videos of my son spinning wheels or bowls and he would not answer to his name when it was one of his fixations, How old is he now?, At two and a half that's a serious speech deficit. Is he in speech therapy already? Early intervention? Not crazy at all. That's a laundry list of stereotypical autistic behaviors and traits. Depending how loosely your using that "2.5" he may be too old for early intervention, they by the time they evaluate and set him up he's aging out at 3. Definitely register with your school district for ECSE preschool. Use Childfind site to register. Definitely seek private speech and ot while awaiting diagnosis. , 2.5 years old !, he JUST started speech last wednesday ! i tried to get his other peditrican to listen but she didn’t so i switched last month and he’s done all this work!, I don't think you sound crazy at all. I think these things sound like they could be autism. Definitely worth having him assessed again!, Unfortunately my best guidance is stop leaning on the pediatrician and expecting them to guide you. It sucks. You'd think you should be able to turn to them to guide you through this. But you can't. More often than not they don't know crap. Even the "experts" that work with autistic kids all day every day tend to know nothing outside of their narrow scope. Like the exact comment I made in another post, the number of freaking SLPs who work with autistic children all day long and yet don't know what elopement is and don't even know ASL. How do you work with speech delays and non verbal children and not know sign language?!?!, Take videos anything repetitive and restrictive. I also took videos of my son spinning wheels or bowls and he would not answer to his name when it was one of his fixations, How old is he now?, At two and a half that's a serious speech deficit. Is he in speech therapy already? Early intervention? Not crazy at all. That's a laundry list of stereotypical autistic behaviors and traits. Depending how loosely your using that "2.5" he may be too old for early intervention, they by the time they evaluate and set him up he's aging out at 3. Definitely register with your school district for ECSE preschool. Use Childfind site to register. Definitely seek private speech and ot while awaiting diagnosis. , 2.5 years old !, he JUST started speech last wednesday ! i tried to get his other peditrican to listen but she didn’t so i switched last month and he’s done all this work!, I don't think you sound crazy at all. I think these things sound like they could be autism. Definitely worth having him assessed again!, Unfortunately my best guidance is stop leaning on the pediatrician and expecting them to guide you. It sucks. You'd think you should be able to turn to them to guide you through this. But you can't. More often than not they don't know crap. Even the "experts" that work with autistic kids all day every day tend to know nothing outside of their narrow scope. Like the exact comment I made in another post, the number of freaking SLPs who work with autistic children all day long and yet don't know what elopement is and don't even know ASL. How do you work with speech delays and non verbal children and not know sign language?!?!, Take videos anything repetitive and restrictive. I also took videos of my son spinning wheels or bowls and he would not answer to his name when it was one of his fixations, How old is he now?, At two and a half that's a serious speech deficit. Is he in speech therapy already? Early intervention? Not crazy at all. That's a laundry list of stereotypical autistic behaviors and traits. Depending how loosely your using that "2.5" he may be too old for early intervention, they by the time they evaluate and set him up he's aging out at 3. Definitely register with your school district for ECSE preschool. Use Childfind site to register. Definitely seek private speech and ot while awaiting diagnosis. , 2.5 years old !, he JUST started speech last wednesday ! i tried to get his other peditrican to listen but she didn’t so i switched last month and he’s done all this work!, I don't think you sound crazy at all. I think these things sound like they could be autism. Definitely worth having him assessed again!, Unfortunately my best guidance is stop leaning on the pediatrician and expecting them to guide you. It sucks. You'd think you should be able to turn to them to guide you through this. But you can't. More often than not they don't know crap. Even the "experts" that work with autistic kids all day every day tend to know nothing outside of their narrow scope. Like the exact comment I made in another post, the number of freaking SLPs who work with autistic children all day long and yet don't know what elopement is and don't even know ASL. How do you work with speech delays and non verbal children and not know sign language?!?!, Take videos anything repetitive and restrictive. I also took videos of my son spinning wheels or bowls and he would not answer to his name when it was one of his fixations, How old is he now?, At two and a half that's a serious speech deficit. Is he in speech therapy already? Early intervention? Not crazy at all. That's a laundry list of stereotypical autistic behaviors and traits. Depending how loosely your using that "2.5" he may be too old for early intervention, they by the time they evaluate and set him up he's aging out at 3. Definitely register with your school district for ECSE preschool. Use Childfind site to register. Definitely seek private speech and ot while awaiting diagnosis. , 2.5 years old !, he JUST started speech last wednesday ! i tried to get his other peditrican to listen but she didn’t so i switched last month and he’s done all this work!, I don't think you sound crazy at all. I think these things sound like they could be autism. Definitely worth having him assessed again!, Unfortunately my best guidance is stop leaning on the pediatrician and expecting them to guide you. It sucks. You'd think you should be able to turn to them to guide you through this. But you can't. More often than not they don't know crap. Even the "experts" that work with autistic kids all day every day tend to know nothing outside of their narrow scope. Like the exact comment I made in another post, the number of freaking SLPs who work with autistic children all day long and yet don't know what elopement is and don't even know ASL. How do you work with speech delays and non verbal children and not know sign language?!?!

do you ever get scared your kids think you purposely hurt them?

i just had a terrible moment with my daughter😢 she was laying on my lap sideways just now, she was trying to sit up to see the tv better and i moved my arm at the same time and i accidentally elbowed her in the MOUTH😭😭😭😭 she, of course, started screaming and i, of course, felt AWFUUUUL!! it busted her lip a bit and it started bleeding :( i immediately started with “i’m so sorry baby, i’m so sorry, it was an accident, i’m so sorry” she is 2 and is verbal, but she scripts and echoes a bunch so she doesn’t understand the meaning sometimes:(( she was just shaking and kept screaming as i kept apologizing (i eventually started crying too) and it was just UGH!! the worst parent guilt i’ve ever had:(( i then started to feel even more guilty bc i was scared she may not understand it was an accident, idk. i’m a mess now, uuughhh PARENT GUILT😭

We've all been there. Accidents happen. Kids look to us to see how to react in unfamiliar situations. Seeing you respond as if something really terrible has happened is going to effect her perception of the experience. People get hurt. It's a minor (albeit painful) injury. It's really no big deal. Trust that she can handle it and that your relationship is strong enough to withstand a minor accidental injury. Next time you accidentally hurt her (because it happens! People bump into each other all the time!), try to stay calm and not over apologize. "Oh no! Oops. I'm so sorry. Let's get you an ice pack/ do you want a hug, etc." and then just be there with her and be a calm presence until she's ready to move on. It's much easier said than done!, Yep, last night I was trying to block aggression from my child (who had poop on his hand) and accidentally hit his arm with my phone as I was trying to block the poop hand. The look of betrayal on his face combined with the meltdown he had, really had me feeling awful. He doesn’t understand cause and effect. But it’s good for kids to learn accidents happen, and that parents apologize, just as they should! You’re not a bad parent, accidents happen and sounds like you handled it right!, We've all been there. Accidents happen. Kids look to us to see how to react in unfamiliar situations. Seeing you respond as if something really terrible has happened is going to effect her perception of the experience. People get hurt. It's a minor (albeit painful) injury. It's really no big deal. Trust that she can handle it and that your relationship is strong enough to withstand a minor accidental injury. Next time you accidentally hurt her (because it happens! People bump into each other all the time!), try to stay calm and not over apologize. "Oh no! Oops. I'm so sorry. Let's get you an ice pack/ do you want a hug, etc." and then just be there with her and be a calm presence until she's ready to move on. It's much easier said than done!, Yep, last night I was trying to block aggression from my child (who had poop on his hand) and accidentally hit his arm with my phone as I was trying to block the poop hand. The look of betrayal on his face combined with the meltdown he had, really had me feeling awful. He doesn’t understand cause and effect. But it’s good for kids to learn accidents happen, and that parents apologize, just as they should! You’re not a bad parent, accidents happen and sounds like you handled it right!, We've all been there. Accidents happen. Kids look to us to see how to react in unfamiliar situations. Seeing you respond as if something really terrible has happened is going to effect her perception of the experience. People get hurt. It's a minor (albeit painful) injury. It's really no big deal. Trust that she can handle it and that your relationship is strong enough to withstand a minor accidental injury. Next time you accidentally hurt her (because it happens! People bump into each other all the time!), try to stay calm and not over apologize. "Oh no! Oops. I'm so sorry. Let's get you an ice pack/ do you want a hug, etc." and then just be there with her and be a calm presence until she's ready to move on. It's much easier said than done!, Yep, last night I was trying to block aggression from my child (who had poop on his hand) and accidentally hit his arm with my phone as I was trying to block the poop hand. The look of betrayal on his face combined with the meltdown he had, really had me feeling awful. He doesn’t understand cause and effect. But it’s good for kids to learn accidents happen, and that parents apologize, just as they should! You’re not a bad parent, accidents happen and sounds like you handled it right!, We've all been there. Accidents happen. Kids look to us to see how to react in unfamiliar situations. Seeing you respond as if something really terrible has happened is going to effect her perception of the experience. People get hurt. It's a minor (albeit painful) injury. It's really no big deal. Trust that she can handle it and that your relationship is strong enough to withstand a minor accidental injury. Next time you accidentally hurt her (because it happens! People bump into each other all the time!), try to stay calm and not over apologize. "Oh no! Oops. I'm so sorry. Let's get you an ice pack/ do you want a hug, etc." and then just be there with her and be a calm presence until she's ready to move on. It's much easier said than done!, Yep, last night I was trying to block aggression from my child (who had poop on his hand) and accidentally hit his arm with my phone as I was trying to block the poop hand. The look of betrayal on his face combined with the meltdown he had, really had me feeling awful. He doesn’t understand cause and effect. But it’s good for kids to learn accidents happen, and that parents apologize, just as they should! You’re not a bad parent, accidents happen and sounds like you handled it right!

ever had any issues when moving?

my daughter is recently 2 and she’s a big fan of routine. any new places are always a toss up of how it’s gonna go with her. we’ve been in the same home since she was born, but we are moving in july. i’m nervous how she is gonna react and adjust to the new layout, setting, and over all rearrangement of our new home. any tips? any experiences to share?

Yes. In hindsight, there were subtle, temporary backslides in skills, the most noticeable being when we moved states when my kid was 4, and they did a little bedwetting for a couple of months after having mastered potty training, and when they were 13 and came home from camp to a new house and it became a coin toss whether they'd meld/shut down whenever we went to any semi busy public place., I’m contemplating moving to another state to be closer to my family… I worry about the same things. My girl is so attached to her routines and space… I’m just so lonely and in desperate need of family near by 😞 it’s so hard making this choice to either continue to suffer or make her suffer…, Is it possible to make a couple of visits to the new place before you move? I realize this could be tough, as I assume someone will be living there until you folks move in, but maybe they'd be willing to let you take a brief tour with her? It will still be a big change, but hopefully it would prep her a little., Yes. In hindsight, there were subtle, temporary backslides in skills, the most noticeable being when we moved states when my kid was 4, and they did a little bedwetting for a couple of months after having mastered potty training, and when they were 13 and came home from camp to a new house and it became a coin toss whether they'd meld/shut down whenever we went to any semi busy public place., I’m contemplating moving to another state to be closer to my family… I worry about the same things. My girl is so attached to her routines and space… I’m just so lonely and in desperate need of family near by 😞 it’s so hard making this choice to either continue to suffer or make her suffer…, Is it possible to make a couple of visits to the new place before you move? I realize this could be tough, as I assume someone will be living there until you folks move in, but maybe they'd be willing to let you take a brief tour with her? It will still be a big change, but hopefully it would prep her a little., Yes. In hindsight, there were subtle, temporary backslides in skills, the most noticeable being when we moved states when my kid was 4, and they did a little bedwetting for a couple of months after having mastered potty training, and when they were 13 and came home from camp to a new house and it became a coin toss whether they'd meld/shut down whenever we went to any semi busy public place., I’m contemplating moving to another state to be closer to my family… I worry about the same things. My girl is so attached to her routines and space… I’m just so lonely and in desperate need of family near by 😞 it’s so hard making this choice to either continue to suffer or make her suffer…, Is it possible to make a couple of visits to the new place before you move? I realize this could be tough, as I assume someone will be living there until you folks move in, but maybe they'd be willing to let you take a brief tour with her? It will still be a big change, but hopefully it would prep her a little., Yes. In hindsight, there were subtle, temporary backslides in skills, the most noticeable being when we moved states when my kid was 4, and they did a little bedwetting for a couple of months after having mastered potty training, and when they were 13 and came home from camp to a new house and it became a coin toss whether they'd meld/shut down whenever we went to any semi busy public place., I’m contemplating moving to another state to be closer to my family… I worry about the same things. My girl is so attached to her routines and space… I’m just so lonely and in desperate need of family near by 😞 it’s so hard making this choice to either continue to suffer or make her suffer…, Is it possible to make a couple of visits to the new place before you move? I realize this could be tough, as I assume someone will be living there until you folks move in, but maybe they'd be willing to let you take a brief tour with her? It will still be a big change, but hopefully it would prep her a little.

for touched out parents with extremely touchy kids, have you found any nice ways to deal or get them to stop?

i find myself triggered immensely and instinctively when i’ve reached the touched out point, my child is innocently seeking so i try to just remove myself but at his touchy peek it’s so nonstop i find myself unable to relax or get out of fight or flight mode, and i sometimes do lash out verbally like saying i love you but boundaries! mommy can’t be touched right now! but nothing gets through to him to stop! no variations of desperate frustrated words work in fact it sometimes makes it worse! i try calm unexcited approaches when i’m able but it’s no use… i frequently get rashes from his touching when i’m sleeping because i have multiple autoimmune skin diseases like lichen planus, alopecia, rosacea, dermatitis, erosive estrogen related rashes, and steroid atrophy on my chest. honestly i think my skin disorders are really activated by being touched out… yes i’m in therapy and see a dermatologist multiple times a year. i have mast cell disorder too and mild dermagraphia so those reactions are very instant. it’s just his thing tho, constant touching and swaying, shaking, nodding, banging couch, bumping me. he goes for boobs and stomach on me but really could be any part of my body. he grabs at other people but just not as intensely and it hasn’t been a problem at ABA or school. the only other person who has gotten touched out is his uncle when watching him because he loves his big stomach and tattoos and will be grabing at him non stop to see tattoos or pet santa belly. it’s worse and more intense when he’s sick which is right now, not to mention he’s stuck at home with me. i love him so much but i really don’t have any ideas how to get him to stop!

Anti depressants and lots of them, I take mine to the jump park and literally pick them up and swing them around, and chuck them into the foam pits. They get a good time, and I get the stress relief of literally chucking them. It's a win win., What happens when you tell him no? My son is the same way, but I grab his hands and tell him “no touch.” In the beginning, he would get REALLY mad when I did this and throw bad tantrums. I just kept doing it. Also, sometimes I would grab his hands and just hold his hands and squeeze gently. That seemed to satisfy his need a bit. I would just hold my ground and let him have his tantrum and now, a year and a half later, he understands what it means and gives me a little space before he tries again. It was rough though lol he would grab my face ALL the time, and he couldn’t go to sleep unless he was touching my face. It would make my skin crawl!!! but you are allowed to have boundaries too., Teach Your Dragon Body Safety is a great book to read with a lot of helpful phrases for kids. I'm working with my 5 year old on keeping his hands to himself around strangers, asking before he flops like a dead fish on people, or does a drive by hug at preschool. It's been really helpful., A wonderment from an easily-outtouched person. If you CHOOSE the touching on your own terms, is it better? For me, I don't like feeling like the other person is choosing to touch me and it's "against my will." If I can pre-empt unwanted touching by moving toward touch that feels good to me (and co-regulates my very touchy kid), it works better for me and it works fine to meet his needs. For example, at night before bed, he gets to sit in my lap while we watch TV, but during the day, I'm not trying to be pinned down all the time. So I invite him to sit alongside me, touching, on the couch, and we share a blanket. But he knows we don't get to "sit in your middle" during the daylight hours. It's still A LOT for me, and much more than I'd like, but I have managed to find some happy medium. If you could proactively move more touching on your own accord, I wonder if your kid would do less of the touching that is infringing on you?, I redirected her hands away from my boobs and my neck and we settled on holding hands or I got her to pet the cat or the dog cause there was usually one nearby. We also got into the habit of her holding her soft toy for most of the day so we wasn't constantly grabbing for me cause she was already holding a comfort item., I don’t know if this may worsen your skin, but I use a sulpher soap for exema (it’s amazing) and I just get in the shower when I’m feeling touched out, in tough weeks my skin is pretty dry. My kid is 10 and very tall, physically cannot have them hang on me after a work day. Trampoline and spinny chair for sensory input and redirects., I try to do lots of other regulation activities. So I do ‘pressure massages’ where I squeeze every part of his body gently for 5 seconds each. This is a big regulation tool for him. I also throw him around and onto the sofa (he’s a huge proprioceptive seeker) and spin with him. Whilst it involves me touching him, it’s a lot more tolerable than him constantly touching me and it’s over quicker/ properly because he gets the input he needs tbh., Can he meet (at least some) of his sensory needs in other ways? Can you redirect this behaviour? Set a limit? Ex. “One big deep pressure hug and mommy is done. Then you need to use your space between the couch and the wall with your weighted blanket”. See if you can identify what he is seeking: is it warmth? (Water bottle?) squeeze (space between wall and couch), deep pressure (vest/weighted blanket). Can you build some of it into his routine? Can you do it with less physical contact , ex he can lie on the couch and you can “squish’ him with a pillow 3 times every morning before breakfast (use a fair bit of weight, if he is partial to this)., I feel this. My son would be attached to be 24/7 if he could. He's 4 and is only just starting to (sometimes) fall asleep without holding my boob., Lock myself in the kitchen or bathroom for 5 minutes. Never ever sit, harder for them to be all over you when you're standing., That sounds like sensory seeking - seeking out the sense of touch to an extreme., 🤣, thanks for the good chuckle, i’m currently not yet maxed out on my prozac! i was once on 3 antidepressants simultaneously so maybe it’s time to up the ante again, lol for you or for the kid??, 😂, i relate so immensely with the skin crawling! and it’s hard when it’s your kid because it felt like it was always followed by a brief period of personal grief. and honestly the grabbing the hand gently and briefly is a good tool to try more often. when i tell him no with firmness he doesn’t tantrum but goes in like a stim fit of hard swaying and bumping into whatever he’s on whether it’s me, or the bed, couch or floor and he does it pretty intensely and it’s ok it’s soft areas he’s bumping in to but if it’s my body or next to me it makes me nauseated sometimes and i try to remove myself. if it’s the floor or he’s hitting a wall next to couch or bed i try to move him somewhere safe. but it’s like he has to get his urge out some way. sometimes he’ll start getting destructive too., Omg, when my daughter was still a baby I would hold her in my arms to go to sleep. She would look at my face and then...slap me. And then laugh about it. I would be excited at first because she would never make eye contact otherwise. We'd be having a cute little moment and then SLAP. But she would only go to sleep that one way, so..., I added this book to my Amazon cart, thank you so much for the book rec! Trying to teach my own child to keep hands to themselves., Anti depressants and lots of them, I take mine to the jump park and literally pick them up and swing them around, and chuck them into the foam pits. They get a good time, and I get the stress relief of literally chucking them. It's a win win., What happens when you tell him no? My son is the same way, but I grab his hands and tell him “no touch.” In the beginning, he would get REALLY mad when I did this and throw bad tantrums. I just kept doing it. Also, sometimes I would grab his hands and just hold his hands and squeeze gently. That seemed to satisfy his need a bit. I would just hold my ground and let him have his tantrum and now, a year and a half later, he understands what it means and gives me a little space before he tries again. It was rough though lol he would grab my face ALL the time, and he couldn’t go to sleep unless he was touching my face. It would make my skin crawl!!! but you are allowed to have boundaries too., Teach Your Dragon Body Safety is a great book to read with a lot of helpful phrases for kids. I'm working with my 5 year old on keeping his hands to himself around strangers, asking before he flops like a dead fish on people, or does a drive by hug at preschool. It's been really helpful., A wonderment from an easily-outtouched person. If you CHOOSE the touching on your own terms, is it better? For me, I don't like feeling like the other person is choosing to touch me and it's "against my will." If I can pre-empt unwanted touching by moving toward touch that feels good to me (and co-regulates my very touchy kid), it works better for me and it works fine to meet his needs. For example, at night before bed, he gets to sit in my lap while we watch TV, but during the day, I'm not trying to be pinned down all the time. So I invite him to sit alongside me, touching, on the couch, and we share a blanket. But he knows we don't get to "sit in your middle" during the daylight hours. It's still A LOT for me, and much more than I'd like, but I have managed to find some happy medium. If you could proactively move more touching on your own accord, I wonder if your kid would do less of the touching that is infringing on you?, I redirected her hands away from my boobs and my neck and we settled on holding hands or I got her to pet the cat or the dog cause there was usually one nearby. We also got into the habit of her holding her soft toy for most of the day so we wasn't constantly grabbing for me cause she was already holding a comfort item., I don’t know if this may worsen your skin, but I use a sulpher soap for exema (it’s amazing) and I just get in the shower when I’m feeling touched out, in tough weeks my skin is pretty dry. My kid is 10 and very tall, physically cannot have them hang on me after a work day. Trampoline and spinny chair for sensory input and redirects., I try to do lots of other regulation activities. So I do ‘pressure massages’ where I squeeze every part of his body gently for 5 seconds each. This is a big regulation tool for him. I also throw him around and onto the sofa (he’s a huge proprioceptive seeker) and spin with him. Whilst it involves me touching him, it’s a lot more tolerable than him constantly touching me and it’s over quicker/ properly because he gets the input he needs tbh., Can he meet (at least some) of his sensory needs in other ways? Can you redirect this behaviour? Set a limit? Ex. “One big deep pressure hug and mommy is done. Then you need to use your space between the couch and the wall with your weighted blanket”. See if you can identify what he is seeking: is it warmth? (Water bottle?) squeeze (space between wall and couch), deep pressure (vest/weighted blanket). Can you build some of it into his routine? Can you do it with less physical contact , ex he can lie on the couch and you can “squish’ him with a pillow 3 times every morning before breakfast (use a fair bit of weight, if he is partial to this)., I feel this. My son would be attached to be 24/7 if he could. He's 4 and is only just starting to (sometimes) fall asleep without holding my boob., Lock myself in the kitchen or bathroom for 5 minutes. Never ever sit, harder for them to be all over you when you're standing., That sounds like sensory seeking - seeking out the sense of touch to an extreme., 🤣, thanks for the good chuckle, i’m currently not yet maxed out on my prozac! i was once on 3 antidepressants simultaneously so maybe it’s time to up the ante again, lol for you or for the kid??, 😂, i relate so immensely with the skin crawling! and it’s hard when it’s your kid because it felt like it was always followed by a brief period of personal grief. and honestly the grabbing the hand gently and briefly is a good tool to try more often. when i tell him no with firmness he doesn’t tantrum but goes in like a stim fit of hard swaying and bumping into whatever he’s on whether it’s me, or the bed, couch or floor and he does it pretty intensely and it’s ok it’s soft areas he’s bumping in to but if it’s my body or next to me it makes me nauseated sometimes and i try to remove myself. if it’s the floor or he’s hitting a wall next to couch or bed i try to move him somewhere safe. but it’s like he has to get his urge out some way. sometimes he’ll start getting destructive too., Omg, when my daughter was still a baby I would hold her in my arms to go to sleep. She would look at my face and then...slap me. And then laugh about it. I would be excited at first because she would never make eye contact otherwise. We'd be having a cute little moment and then SLAP. But she would only go to sleep that one way, so..., I added this book to my Amazon cart, thank you so much for the book rec! Trying to teach my own child to keep hands to themselves., Anti depressants and lots of them, I take mine to the jump park and literally pick them up and swing them around, and chuck them into the foam pits. They get a good time, and I get the stress relief of literally chucking them. It's a win win., What happens when you tell him no? My son is the same way, but I grab his hands and tell him “no touch.” In the beginning, he would get REALLY mad when I did this and throw bad tantrums. I just kept doing it. Also, sometimes I would grab his hands and just hold his hands and squeeze gently. That seemed to satisfy his need a bit. I would just hold my ground and let him have his tantrum and now, a year and a half later, he understands what it means and gives me a little space before he tries again. It was rough though lol he would grab my face ALL the time, and he couldn’t go to sleep unless he was touching my face. It would make my skin crawl!!! but you are allowed to have boundaries too., Teach Your Dragon Body Safety is a great book to read with a lot of helpful phrases for kids. I'm working with my 5 year old on keeping his hands to himself around strangers, asking before he flops like a dead fish on people, or does a drive by hug at preschool. It's been really helpful., A wonderment from an easily-outtouched person. If you CHOOSE the touching on your own terms, is it better? For me, I don't like feeling like the other person is choosing to touch me and it's "against my will." If I can pre-empt unwanted touching by moving toward touch that feels good to me (and co-regulates my very touchy kid), it works better for me and it works fine to meet his needs. For example, at night before bed, he gets to sit in my lap while we watch TV, but during the day, I'm not trying to be pinned down all the time. So I invite him to sit alongside me, touching, on the couch, and we share a blanket. But he knows we don't get to "sit in your middle" during the daylight hours. It's still A LOT for me, and much more than I'd like, but I have managed to find some happy medium. If you could proactively move more touching on your own accord, I wonder if your kid would do less of the touching that is infringing on you?, I redirected her hands away from my boobs and my neck and we settled on holding hands or I got her to pet the cat or the dog cause there was usually one nearby. We also got into the habit of her holding her soft toy for most of the day so we wasn't constantly grabbing for me cause she was already holding a comfort item., I don’t know if this may worsen your skin, but I use a sulpher soap for exema (it’s amazing) and I just get in the shower when I’m feeling touched out, in tough weeks my skin is pretty dry. My kid is 10 and very tall, physically cannot have them hang on me after a work day. Trampoline and spinny chair for sensory input and redirects., I try to do lots of other regulation activities. So I do ‘pressure massages’ where I squeeze every part of his body gently for 5 seconds each. This is a big regulation tool for him. I also throw him around and onto the sofa (he’s a huge proprioceptive seeker) and spin with him. Whilst it involves me touching him, it’s a lot more tolerable than him constantly touching me and it’s over quicker/ properly because he gets the input he needs tbh., Can he meet (at least some) of his sensory needs in other ways? Can you redirect this behaviour? Set a limit? Ex. “One big deep pressure hug and mommy is done. Then you need to use your space between the couch and the wall with your weighted blanket”. See if you can identify what he is seeking: is it warmth? (Water bottle?) squeeze (space between wall and couch), deep pressure (vest/weighted blanket). Can you build some of it into his routine? Can you do it with less physical contact , ex he can lie on the couch and you can “squish’ him with a pillow 3 times every morning before breakfast (use a fair bit of weight, if he is partial to this)., I feel this. My son would be attached to be 24/7 if he could. He's 4 and is only just starting to (sometimes) fall asleep without holding my boob., Lock myself in the kitchen or bathroom for 5 minutes. Never ever sit, harder for them to be all over you when you're standing., That sounds like sensory seeking - seeking out the sense of touch to an extreme., 🤣, thanks for the good chuckle, i’m currently not yet maxed out on my prozac! i was once on 3 antidepressants simultaneously so maybe it’s time to up the ante again, lol for you or for the kid??, 😂, i relate so immensely with the skin crawling! and it’s hard when it’s your kid because it felt like it was always followed by a brief period of personal grief. and honestly the grabbing the hand gently and briefly is a good tool to try more often. when i tell him no with firmness he doesn’t tantrum but goes in like a stim fit of hard swaying and bumping into whatever he’s on whether it’s me, or the bed, couch or floor and he does it pretty intensely and it’s ok it’s soft areas he’s bumping in to but if it’s my body or next to me it makes me nauseated sometimes and i try to remove myself. if it’s the floor or he’s hitting a wall next to couch or bed i try to move him somewhere safe. but it’s like he has to get his urge out some way. sometimes he’ll start getting destructive too., Omg, when my daughter was still a baby I would hold her in my arms to go to sleep. She would look at my face and then...slap me. And then laugh about it. I would be excited at first because she would never make eye contact otherwise. We'd be having a cute little moment and then SLAP. But she would only go to sleep that one way, so..., I added this book to my Amazon cart, thank you so much for the book rec! Trying to teach my own child to keep hands to themselves., Anti depressants and lots of them, I take mine to the jump park and literally pick them up and swing them around, and chuck them into the foam pits. They get a good time, and I get the stress relief of literally chucking them. It's a win win., What happens when you tell him no? My son is the same way, but I grab his hands and tell him “no touch.” In the beginning, he would get REALLY mad when I did this and throw bad tantrums. I just kept doing it. Also, sometimes I would grab his hands and just hold his hands and squeeze gently. That seemed to satisfy his need a bit. I would just hold my ground and let him have his tantrum and now, a year and a half later, he understands what it means and gives me a little space before he tries again. It was rough though lol he would grab my face ALL the time, and he couldn’t go to sleep unless he was touching my face. It would make my skin crawl!!! but you are allowed to have boundaries too., Teach Your Dragon Body Safety is a great book to read with a lot of helpful phrases for kids. I'm working with my 5 year old on keeping his hands to himself around strangers, asking before he flops like a dead fish on people, or does a drive by hug at preschool. It's been really helpful., A wonderment from an easily-outtouched person. If you CHOOSE the touching on your own terms, is it better? For me, I don't like feeling like the other person is choosing to touch me and it's "against my will." If I can pre-empt unwanted touching by moving toward touch that feels good to me (and co-regulates my very touchy kid), it works better for me and it works fine to meet his needs. For example, at night before bed, he gets to sit in my lap while we watch TV, but during the day, I'm not trying to be pinned down all the time. So I invite him to sit alongside me, touching, on the couch, and we share a blanket. But he knows we don't get to "sit in your middle" during the daylight hours. It's still A LOT for me, and much more than I'd like, but I have managed to find some happy medium. If you could proactively move more touching on your own accord, I wonder if your kid would do less of the touching that is infringing on you?, I redirected her hands away from my boobs and my neck and we settled on holding hands or I got her to pet the cat or the dog cause there was usually one nearby. We also got into the habit of her holding her soft toy for most of the day so we wasn't constantly grabbing for me cause she was already holding a comfort item., I don’t know if this may worsen your skin, but I use a sulpher soap for exema (it’s amazing) and I just get in the shower when I’m feeling touched out, in tough weeks my skin is pretty dry. My kid is 10 and very tall, physically cannot have them hang on me after a work day. Trampoline and spinny chair for sensory input and redirects., I try to do lots of other regulation activities. So I do ‘pressure massages’ where I squeeze every part of his body gently for 5 seconds each. This is a big regulation tool for him. I also throw him around and onto the sofa (he’s a huge proprioceptive seeker) and spin with him. Whilst it involves me touching him, it’s a lot more tolerable than him constantly touching me and it’s over quicker/ properly because he gets the input he needs tbh., Can he meet (at least some) of his sensory needs in other ways? Can you redirect this behaviour? Set a limit? Ex. “One big deep pressure hug and mommy is done. Then you need to use your space between the couch and the wall with your weighted blanket”. See if you can identify what he is seeking: is it warmth? (Water bottle?) squeeze (space between wall and couch), deep pressure (vest/weighted blanket). Can you build some of it into his routine? Can you do it with less physical contact , ex he can lie on the couch and you can “squish’ him with a pillow 3 times every morning before breakfast (use a fair bit of weight, if he is partial to this)., I feel this. My son would be attached to be 24/7 if he could. He's 4 and is only just starting to (sometimes) fall asleep without holding my boob., Lock myself in the kitchen or bathroom for 5 minutes. Never ever sit, harder for them to be all over you when you're standing., That sounds like sensory seeking - seeking out the sense of touch to an extreme., 🤣, thanks for the good chuckle, i’m currently not yet maxed out on my prozac! i was once on 3 antidepressants simultaneously so maybe it’s time to up the ante again, lol for you or for the kid??, 😂, i relate so immensely with the skin crawling! and it’s hard when it’s your kid because it felt like it was always followed by a brief period of personal grief. and honestly the grabbing the hand gently and briefly is a good tool to try more often. when i tell him no with firmness he doesn’t tantrum but goes in like a stim fit of hard swaying and bumping into whatever he’s on whether it’s me, or the bed, couch or floor and he does it pretty intensely and it’s ok it’s soft areas he’s bumping in to but if it’s my body or next to me it makes me nauseated sometimes and i try to remove myself. if it’s the floor or he’s hitting a wall next to couch or bed i try to move him somewhere safe. but it’s like he has to get his urge out some way. sometimes he’ll start getting destructive too., Omg, when my daughter was still a baby I would hold her in my arms to go to sleep. She would look at my face and then...slap me. And then laugh about it. I would be excited at first because she would never make eye contact otherwise. We'd be having a cute little moment and then SLAP. But she would only go to sleep that one way, so..., I added this book to my Amazon cart, thank you so much for the book rec! Trying to teach my own child to keep hands to themselves.

how can i get my children to do well in mass. (disclaimer) i am not oc i am just the crossposter. rest of post is in the description

Someone made a noce post a while back. The youth group is the beat bet. I'm not sure mass is going to do well with children, let alone our kiddos. But if absolutely necessary, headphones and tablet?, My family had to start doing turns with the little one at home bringing the older NT child. It is a huge bummer as we can't really go together anymore. There used to be a sunday school teacher in the basement but she quit / retired during covid. Unfortunately my young level 3 son is just too large a distraction to everyone else., I grew up Catholic, am no longer practicing, but still go to weddings, funerals, and other family event services. My son is mid-level needs, and sometimes does well with things that are explained, but surprises happen. He’s an older teen now, so his needs are obvs way different than a small child. The trick for us has been in the preparation. It’s gotta be well in advance so you have time to practice things. -I would explain what we’re doing: the ritual, all the actions involved, and what’s expected of them. -Go to a church when there’s no service if you can. -Show your kids the hymnals, and tell them that it’s acceptable to look at/read those when they’re bored (if they’re not a page ripper). -Show them the kneelers, let them know they’re not a toy. -Give them quiet, calm activities they can do when bored: books, coloring, fidgets, a rubix cube, whatever works for them. Maybe make it a special thing they only get at mass. I suppose a rosary could even be a fidget if they’re thumbing it, and not swinging it around. -Show them how they they can participate. I taught my kids how to go up for communion to get blessed since we’re not practicing and don’t take the Eucharist. -Know their signs that they need a break, and take them outside, a bathroom or just the lobby area. Teach them a code that they need a break, or hand signal if that’s doable. Let them know it’s not appropriate to go back and forth, and give them the expectation of whatever reasonable number of walkouts works for you both, and that after that, you stay out. (This works best if there’s another family member to be with other kids inside, or if you’ve only got one kid.) -Hand signals/sign language are a real good communication tool for mass. -Try to sit where it’s easiest to step out when needed, and where incense is least bothersome. -Meet with the pastor or a deacon or someone. Let them know what’s up. They might have some ideas for you to. -PRACTICE A LOT. When I was younger, some churches had “quiet rooms” for crying babies and rowdy kids. A soundproof room off to the side with a window facing the altar, and speakers so you could hear the service. That and/or sensory rooms to be commonplace! You know your kid best and what you can expect from them. Work with that, not against. I once taught my kids the rosary for funeral services, but knew not to expect their full participation.

how to get 2.5 year old to follow rules??!!?!?

Hi everyone! My nonverbal lvl3 2.5 year old is driving my husband and I crazy. We have an oil heater in our living room and he will NOT stop messing with it! He repeatedly turns it on and off and will adjust the temp and just constantly messes with all the buttons. We continue to redirect when we catch him, we’ve tried hiding the buttons with duct tape (he will just rip the tape off). I’m ripping my hair out, I can’t walk away from the heater without hearing him press all the buttons over and over. I don’t know if he doesn’t understand no or just doesn’t care. Please help!!!!

He is a kid, they don't do rules., Honestly you may have to move the oil heater. Hopefully that isn't your only source. I have no magic advice for getting any 2.5 year old to explicitly obey, autism or not. The only thing that would work is constant redirection (as in...no words...just silently moving the child to something else and trying to engage them in that new activity) No-such-user has commented a good idea and [here is a link to an already made busy board](https://www.amazon.com/TINTECUSA-Montessori-Toddler-Educational-Activity/dp/B0BKVSFTX2/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=1PKX6M0SHEM6H&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9._5m87K9N-XZWVpOQccEVnrUrxY5ITAJpHVYohd8hqw8sGe_e-F00uFWXwsrqu_TVaL86QVb72VpWQLI-AXJWar2xH9EfxEg27pO4wFRFJu0bIukzSZq0Faa9kwqLw-UKdJycZWnG7AvfGHp46pcW9qh32R2kZ2Xqf6Q4avE3fkfJie7acQJ7ovHhemQuaqVVF06LUPf5vmw9xsX4lOepTIb4St-qdu1B-HHDNvUvWpxtkORhNmKwCKN7JRjo0udrhmyhwq7SHkSNr9-YxE-RyULqKmP3b1LMgaoo7hyEZ3A.DKFt5pIPHD99xXzoJ5v4zMAtVPJZV_MGLqBBOAtkUVU&dib_tag=se&keywords=montessori%2Bbusy%2Bboard%2Bfor%2Btoddlers%2B1-3&qid=1710885211&sprefix=montessori%2Bbusy%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1) like no-such-user has suggested., It’s probably easier to adapt your environment to your child instead of adapting your child to your environment. There’s no easy answer. This goes for so many things in your home. We’re always (and probably will be for years) trying to find ways to childproof our home. It can be more challenging the older they get. I don’t know if you can find an alternative to the heater or another place to put it., Maybe it helps if you give/build him a busy board? It's a board full of unconnected switches, dials, etc., You've gotten lots of great ideas and advice. You can also try to involve him in turning it off and on. Fufill the need, but set the boundary that, that is the only time he's to interact with it. I'd also set a consequence as well if he did touch it outside of the times you involve him. Like a co-regulation time in., Doing a "Time out" is pretty much the only way i can teach or get my kid to understand i dont want him to do something, that actually works. Maybe you can try that here. Time out includes clear communication before and after he breaks the rule and before and after time out. And usually a kiss afterwards., My house is wrecked., This is good advice, He is a kid, they don't do rules., Honestly you may have to move the oil heater. Hopefully that isn't your only source. I have no magic advice for getting any 2.5 year old to explicitly obey, autism or not. The only thing that would work is constant redirection (as in...no words...just silently moving the child to something else and trying to engage them in that new activity) No-such-user has commented a good idea and [here is a link to an already made busy board](https://www.amazon.com/TINTECUSA-Montessori-Toddler-Educational-Activity/dp/B0BKVSFTX2/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=1PKX6M0SHEM6H&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9._5m87K9N-XZWVpOQccEVnrUrxY5ITAJpHVYohd8hqw8sGe_e-F00uFWXwsrqu_TVaL86QVb72VpWQLI-AXJWar2xH9EfxEg27pO4wFRFJu0bIukzSZq0Faa9kwqLw-UKdJycZWnG7AvfGHp46pcW9qh32R2kZ2Xqf6Q4avE3fkfJie7acQJ7ovHhemQuaqVVF06LUPf5vmw9xsX4lOepTIb4St-qdu1B-HHDNvUvWpxtkORhNmKwCKN7JRjo0udrhmyhwq7SHkSNr9-YxE-RyULqKmP3b1LMgaoo7hyEZ3A.DKFt5pIPHD99xXzoJ5v4zMAtVPJZV_MGLqBBOAtkUVU&dib_tag=se&keywords=montessori%2Bbusy%2Bboard%2Bfor%2Btoddlers%2B1-3&qid=1710885211&sprefix=montessori%2Bbusy%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1) like no-such-user has suggested., It’s probably easier to adapt your environment to your child instead of adapting your child to your environment. There’s no easy answer. This goes for so many things in your home. We’re always (and probably will be for years) trying to find ways to childproof our home. It can be more challenging the older they get. I don’t know if you can find an alternative to the heater or another place to put it., Maybe it helps if you give/build him a busy board? It's a board full of unconnected switches, dials, etc., You've gotten lots of great ideas and advice. You can also try to involve him in turning it off and on. Fufill the need, but set the boundary that, that is the only time he's to interact with it. I'd also set a consequence as well if he did touch it outside of the times you involve him. Like a co-regulation time in., Doing a "Time out" is pretty much the only way i can teach or get my kid to understand i dont want him to do something, that actually works. Maybe you can try that here. Time out includes clear communication before and after he breaks the rule and before and after time out. And usually a kiss afterwards., My house is wrecked., This is good advice, He is a kid, they don't do rules., Honestly you may have to move the oil heater. Hopefully that isn't your only source. I have no magic advice for getting any 2.5 year old to explicitly obey, autism or not. The only thing that would work is constant redirection (as in...no words...just silently moving the child to something else and trying to engage them in that new activity) No-such-user has commented a good idea and [here is a link to an already made busy board](https://www.amazon.com/TINTECUSA-Montessori-Toddler-Educational-Activity/dp/B0BKVSFTX2/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=1PKX6M0SHEM6H&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9._5m87K9N-XZWVpOQccEVnrUrxY5ITAJpHVYohd8hqw8sGe_e-F00uFWXwsrqu_TVaL86QVb72VpWQLI-AXJWar2xH9EfxEg27pO4wFRFJu0bIukzSZq0Faa9kwqLw-UKdJycZWnG7AvfGHp46pcW9qh32R2kZ2Xqf6Q4avE3fkfJie7acQJ7ovHhemQuaqVVF06LUPf5vmw9xsX4lOepTIb4St-qdu1B-HHDNvUvWpxtkORhNmKwCKN7JRjo0udrhmyhwq7SHkSNr9-YxE-RyULqKmP3b1LMgaoo7hyEZ3A.DKFt5pIPHD99xXzoJ5v4zMAtVPJZV_MGLqBBOAtkUVU&dib_tag=se&keywords=montessori%2Bbusy%2Bboard%2Bfor%2Btoddlers%2B1-3&qid=1710885211&sprefix=montessori%2Bbusy%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1) like no-such-user has suggested., It’s probably easier to adapt your environment to your child instead of adapting your child to your environment. There’s no easy answer. This goes for so many things in your home. We’re always (and probably will be for years) trying to find ways to childproof our home. It can be more challenging the older they get. I don’t know if you can find an alternative to the heater or another place to put it., Maybe it helps if you give/build him a busy board? It's a board full of unconnected switches, dials, etc., You've gotten lots of great ideas and advice. You can also try to involve him in turning it off and on. Fufill the need, but set the boundary that, that is the only time he's to interact with it. I'd also set a consequence as well if he did touch it outside of the times you involve him. Like a co-regulation time in., Doing a "Time out" is pretty much the only way i can teach or get my kid to understand i dont want him to do something, that actually works. Maybe you can try that here. Time out includes clear communication before and after he breaks the rule and before and after time out. And usually a kiss afterwards., My house is wrecked., This is good advice, He is a kid, they don't do rules., Honestly you may have to move the oil heater. Hopefully that isn't your only source. I have no magic advice for getting any 2.5 year old to explicitly obey, autism or not. The only thing that would work is constant redirection (as in...no words...just silently moving the child to something else and trying to engage them in that new activity) No-such-user has commented a good idea and [here is a link to an already made busy board](https://www.amazon.com/TINTECUSA-Montessori-Toddler-Educational-Activity/dp/B0BKVSFTX2/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=1PKX6M0SHEM6H&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9._5m87K9N-XZWVpOQccEVnrUrxY5ITAJpHVYohd8hqw8sGe_e-F00uFWXwsrqu_TVaL86QVb72VpWQLI-AXJWar2xH9EfxEg27pO4wFRFJu0bIukzSZq0Faa9kwqLw-UKdJycZWnG7AvfGHp46pcW9qh32R2kZ2Xqf6Q4avE3fkfJie7acQJ7ovHhemQuaqVVF06LUPf5vmw9xsX4lOepTIb4St-qdu1B-HHDNvUvWpxtkORhNmKwCKN7JRjo0udrhmyhwq7SHkSNr9-YxE-RyULqKmP3b1LMgaoo7hyEZ3A.DKFt5pIPHD99xXzoJ5v4zMAtVPJZV_MGLqBBOAtkUVU&dib_tag=se&keywords=montessori%2Bbusy%2Bboard%2Bfor%2Btoddlers%2B1-3&qid=1710885211&sprefix=montessori%2Bbusy%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1) like no-such-user has suggested., It’s probably easier to adapt your environment to your child instead of adapting your child to your environment. There’s no easy answer. This goes for so many things in your home. We’re always (and probably will be for years) trying to find ways to childproof our home. It can be more challenging the older they get. I don’t know if you can find an alternative to the heater or another place to put it., Maybe it helps if you give/build him a busy board? It's a board full of unconnected switches, dials, etc., You've gotten lots of great ideas and advice. You can also try to involve him in turning it off and on. Fufill the need, but set the boundary that, that is the only time he's to interact with it. I'd also set a consequence as well if he did touch it outside of the times you involve him. Like a co-regulation time in., Doing a "Time out" is pretty much the only way i can teach or get my kid to understand i dont want him to do something, that actually works. Maybe you can try that here. Time out includes clear communication before and after he breaks the rule and before and after time out. And usually a kiss afterwards., My house is wrecked., This is good advice

is this redirecting or ignoring?

lately what i have been doing is if my child is throwing a tantrum or meltdown then I will walk away grab a book, sit down and read it out loud. he will of course follow me crying and cry and cry until he just starts looking at the book, flipping the pages and then calms down. then when he’s calm i hug him and try to tell him that i know he’s frustrated and that i am sorry he’s feeling that way and that we just need to breath in and out to try and calm down. he’s only 17 months so obviously he doesn’t understand me when i tell him these things. he’s doesn’t even look at me or acknowledge what i am saying so i am just really afraid that in his mind i am just ignoring his feelings. this has shortened the time of his tantrums or meltdowns but at the same time if it’s ignoring how he’s feeling, i won’t continue doing it. if this is not how you would redirect then how do you usually do it with your child?

I’d say it’s a good strategy. I often will put something in the tv or get a toy out for my son, who just turned 3. He also doesn’t seem to quite understand things when I ask questions or anything or that nature. I let him have his meltdown, and then he is free to join me when he is done., My opinion is that this is great. We use colors for my son's emotions. Green- ready to learn, calm. Yellow- happy. Orange- getting upset. Red- meltdown/tantrum. Blue- sad. For toddlers, you can simplify to just green, yellow, red- like a stop light. When a child is red, there is no processing his feelings, the goal is to help him get back to green/yellow. That sounds like what you are doing- getting him regulated to a good place. You can process when he is feeling better- and obviously, for a toddler, it is just a sentence or two of processing., Sounds like you are doing a great job teaching while keeping a tender heart for your child's emotional needs. Maybe look at sensory soothing tools and exercises? "The Amazing 5 Point Scale" has a children's book that helps to teach emotional regulation which I highly recommend. Keep up the good work ❤️, I’d say it’s a good strategy. I often will put something in the tv or get a toy out for my son, who just turned 3. He also doesn’t seem to quite understand things when I ask questions or anything or that nature. I let him have his meltdown, and then he is free to join me when he is done., My opinion is that this is great. We use colors for my son's emotions. Green- ready to learn, calm. Yellow- happy. Orange- getting upset. Red- meltdown/tantrum. Blue- sad. For toddlers, you can simplify to just green, yellow, red- like a stop light. When a child is red, there is no processing his feelings, the goal is to help him get back to green/yellow. That sounds like what you are doing- getting him regulated to a good place. You can process when he is feeling better- and obviously, for a toddler, it is just a sentence or two of processing., Sounds like you are doing a great job teaching while keeping a tender heart for your child's emotional needs. Maybe look at sensory soothing tools and exercises? "The Amazing 5 Point Scale" has a children's book that helps to teach emotional regulation which I highly recommend. Keep up the good work ❤️, I’d say it’s a good strategy. I often will put something in the tv or get a toy out for my son, who just turned 3. He also doesn’t seem to quite understand things when I ask questions or anything or that nature. I let him have his meltdown, and then he is free to join me when he is done., My opinion is that this is great. We use colors for my son's emotions. Green- ready to learn, calm. Yellow- happy. Orange- getting upset. Red- meltdown/tantrum. Blue- sad. For toddlers, you can simplify to just green, yellow, red- like a stop light. When a child is red, there is no processing his feelings, the goal is to help him get back to green/yellow. That sounds like what you are doing- getting him regulated to a good place. You can process when he is feeling better- and obviously, for a toddler, it is just a sentence or two of processing., Sounds like you are doing a great job teaching while keeping a tender heart for your child's emotional needs. Maybe look at sensory soothing tools and exercises? "The Amazing 5 Point Scale" has a children's book that helps to teach emotional regulation which I highly recommend. Keep up the good work ❤️, I’d say it’s a good strategy. I often will put something in the tv or get a toy out for my son, who just turned 3. He also doesn’t seem to quite understand things when I ask questions or anything or that nature. I let him have his meltdown, and then he is free to join me when he is done., My opinion is that this is great. We use colors for my son's emotions. Green- ready to learn, calm. Yellow- happy. Orange- getting upset. Red- meltdown/tantrum. Blue- sad. For toddlers, you can simplify to just green, yellow, red- like a stop light. When a child is red, there is no processing his feelings, the goal is to help him get back to green/yellow. That sounds like what you are doing- getting him regulated to a good place. You can process when he is feeling better- and obviously, for a toddler, it is just a sentence or two of processing., Sounds like you are doing a great job teaching while keeping a tender heart for your child's emotional needs. Maybe look at sensory soothing tools and exercises? "The Amazing 5 Point Scale" has a children's book that helps to teach emotional regulation which I highly recommend. Keep up the good work ❤️

low support ASD & Sports?

My 9 year old son was recently diagnosed as just below level 1 ASD. He has the social issues. Some NT boys find him weird, not cool, stay away, etc., and he's nervous about approaching groups of kids he doesn't know as a result. Very traditionally masculine boys do not respond well to him, but he's got regular group of kids to play with at school and a couple of outside friends. However, he's a good natural athlete. He showed a lot of promise at park/rec basketball and soccer and he's a great QB. He doesn't seem to be as bothered by crowds/noise during games as in circumstances like airports. I would not attempt super aggressive traveling teams, but rec teams could be a good fit. He just requires a lot of social coaching for the non-game times, which he gets testy about. Any encouraging stories about low-support ASD and sports? His moods are always better with a lot of exercise. He's an only child and it is too easy to just let him stay around the house, but my heart breaks when kids are mean to him.

My kid does ok with things like parkour and swimming if those are options in your town? Things that are not really team oriented but very physical. I've heard martial arts can be a good bet as well., We also do swimming and Ninja gym (parkour and rings and climbing etc) There's other kids around but it's not teams so it's good exercise and social but also independent 🙂, My kid does ok with things like parkour and swimming if those are options in your town? Things that are not really team oriented but very physical. I've heard martial arts can be a good bet as well., We also do swimming and Ninja gym (parkour and rings and climbing etc) There's other kids around but it's not teams so it's good exercise and social but also independent 🙂, My kid does ok with things like parkour and swimming if those are options in your town? Things that are not really team oriented but very physical. I've heard martial arts can be a good bet as well., We also do swimming and Ninja gym (parkour and rings and climbing etc) There's other kids around but it's not teams so it's good exercise and social but also independent 🙂, My kid does ok with things like parkour and swimming if those are options in your town? Things that are not really team oriented but very physical. I've heard martial arts can be a good bet as well., We also do swimming and Ninja gym (parkour and rings and climbing etc) There's other kids around but it's not teams so it's good exercise and social but also independent 🙂

my dad’s girlfriend seems way too harsh on my autistic brother

i know almost nothing about autism unfortunately but i do know my 11 year old brother is a happy, kind hearted little boy whose super intelligent. the girlfriend (26) went to college tk work with kids and thinks she knows everything even though her 2 year old child is a demon and the house she's claiming to lead is out of control. its always been clear though, that her kids are more loved than my dads kids (specifically the 11yr old with autism) she just told my brother as he sang and skipped down the hall that he needs to stop. i asked why her kids can make noise but my brother cant and she said "because with his autism hell get out of control and shove people" ive lived with them for about 6 months and never saw violence, only saw her once dragging him down the stairs to later cry victim saying he hurt her by resisting. so i guess my question is, does singing/skipping/ being high energy and happy in an autistic child lead to them becoming violent? should he not be allowed to sing or speak? is there any basis at all behind what she told me?

Your father's job is to advocate and protect his children from any kind of abuse. Your stepmother sounds cruel. Is your father aware of all of this? Does she do it in front of your father? This is horrible, This is my child about 98 percent of the time, and he's never turned violent. While every child is different, he shouldn't be singled out and subject to discipline when her own child isn't., Please stay involved. Sounds like your little brother needs you now., Bottling up his energy is more likely to make him violent than letting him sing and skip. This lady sounds like a menace., Dragging a child down the hall is physical abuse. I would tell your dad, and if he doesn't take measures to make the house safe for you than report him and your girlfriend to CPS (or tell your teachers at school, doctor or any mandated reporter)., Dragging him at one point is a huge red flag. Forcing your brother to stop singing and skipping is much more likely to cause disregulation and adverse behaviors then just letting a happy kid be happy. It sounds very controlling, which is not a good approach when it comes to some autistic kids. If there was no other explanation (e.g. on an important business call and it's disruptive, toddler is napping and it's too loud), then the approach to just flat out stop is not productive. It's best to redirect or find an alternative (e.g. singing down this hallway is too loud right now cause toddler taking nap, can you sing and skip in kitchen/living room/porch, it's too disruptive right now inside, but if you need to move can you jump on our indoor mini trampoline or xyz?)... The key is the approach should be supportive and understanding of needs, not just to control., She’s stopping him from stimming which is likely him trying to regulate from whatever stress and just high energy is likely in that house. He’s trying to bring himself down and regulate. Have you talked to your dad about it and what he sees? Someone suggested a call to police. I’d suggest a call to do a welfare check from CPS. If there’s truly nothing wrong it’ll be an inconvenience to them at most. If there is something wrong you’ll be helping your brother and maybe even the other kids without realizing. Brother is focus though. He needs an advocate. It’s sad it doesn’t sound like he has a parental one., No it doesn’t. What is your Dad’s thoughts on all of this?, Your dad and his GF aren’t married, feel free to call the police anytime you feel your brother is being abused., You can't punish someone for being violent when they're not being violent. Singing and skipping is not being violent. I think you should tell your dad that his girlfriend is behind inappropriate with your brother and that he needs to step up and protect him., No, singing skipping and being happy in an Autistic child leads to more singing, skipping, and happiness. Forcefully making them stop leads to violence. The girlfriend is wrong and is making things up to try and excuse her own behavior. She finds your brother annoying and will make his life very hard if she marries your dad., Start documenting this. If she is abusive, document all of it. Fuck that., Absolutely set up hidden cameras around the house and keep calling the cops on her. If your dad doesn’t care to protect your brother somebody’s gotta step in. For her to drag him down the stairs? Regardless if he “hurt her” she’s the adult, she needs to learn how to deescalate and walk away. In no situation is ever acceptable for her to put her hands on a child especially one that’s not hers. DM me if you ever need another adult to step in and help you guys. I’m 27…she’s too grown to be acting so childish., Physical intervention is not necessary if the child is not harming others or themselves. Your pl brother sounds like he's just being a kid and your dad's girlfriend sounds like a busy body who needs to keep her hands to herself. If she can't be nice then it will likely lead to your brother having an emotional response that could possibly become physical as a result of the lack of self regulation he is enduring. She needs to stop parenting your brother and try to be his friend instead. She's making things worse., This is definitely abuse. Your brother is allowed to express his emotional state through singing, skipping or any other non-violent manner. Every person is allowed to; autistic or allistic. It sounds like she is using your brother as a scapegoat or emotional (and possibly sometime physical give your description of her DRAGGING him) punching bag. I don’t know what your relationship with your dad is or what kind of person he is, but if he is generally supportive and understanding, it might be worth talking to him about your observations. Many neurodivergent children NEED TO STIM! It’s self-regulatory and it’s super important for their mental health. The concern with stimming is if it’s somehow injurious (head-banging, skin-picking, scratching, hitting, etc.). Any stimming that is not harmful (even if it’s something unpleasant like screeching which my kid often does) should not be stopped or discouraged. Source on stimming: https://raisingchildren.net.au/autism/behaviour/common-concerns/stimming-asd#:~:text=For%20example%2C%20stimming%20might%20help,and%20manage%20overwhelming%20sensory%20information., No , it there’s been no prior unsafe behaviors. Sounds like bs., Your brother is lucky to have you as an advocate! 🫶🏻, protect your brother. take it up with your dad. this is your job as an older sibling. this will make you stronger in the long run. DM me any time., A-yo is everyone gonna act like he didn’t say his dad’s gf is 26yo and his brother is 11yo!? How old ur pops my guy? Was his gf a senior when u were a freshman in high school?, [deleted], Are you a male or female? If you’re a female just drag her down to show her how it feels…. Just a thought, Setup private security Don't leave your little bro alone with that lady she might destroy his confidence and take away his own person 🙏 😡 it's just the reason im very careful whose with my son autistic 7 tall for his age and loves singing if he was verbal I know he'd be able to tell you what she does to him just let the dad know setup sum hidden cameras if your really concerned, Of course what she's saying doesn't make sense and singing and dancing/skipping is most likely your brother stimming, so it will help keep him calm and REDUCE the chance of him getting violent. Your dad's girlfriend doesn't seem great, but I can't help but notice that she's probably a lot younger than him and you mentioning she's trying to run the household. Where's your dad in this? Did she become responsible of "taking care" of you and your siblings alongside her own kids? She could be totally overwhelmed. I think your dad needs to step up, Is your brother getting any services? He sounds darling., My child sings, dances, and loves life to the fullest. Protect them and that light with everything you have. Always advocate for them, never slow down., This 1000 times. My 9 year old has about 20 "dance parties" a day. She does this to get her excess energy out. If she didn't she'd be melting down all the time. It's a stim which helps them regulate., This, OP! Small acts of abuse you witness could be the only things you are actually seeing. Abusers like to do underhanded things in secret or private - whispering or saying horrible things, pinching and pulling hair, creating issues to bully and harm. In the meantime, keep a note or email on your phone (locked or hidden) and write down these incidents, the date/times they have happened, and continue to add to this. It can help establish a pattern of abuse that you can show to trusted adults, CPS, or your dad. Know, too, that CPS will not actively try to remove your brother or anyone - they will first recommend parenting classes and other interventions that teach the adults how to be better parents. They will provide outreach services. They will provide other resources to help assist with the issue first., Yep, pacing is my biggest way to destress after school and just a way to deal with any sort of energy whether it's positive or negative. Even my dad, who doesn't really understand much about my stimming, recognizes that I NEED to do it. I can't imagine not being able to do it , Even if they were married, you could call the police, And I would argue that she doesn’t know anything nor want to about autism., Srsly, Bad advice either way. OP ignore this person., 🗣, My thoughts exactly. If it’s ok for her to do it to a child that’s not even hers then surely she wouldn’t see a problem with receiving the same treatment from women her age. Me and my friends love dragging mean girls., It appears that the boy's dad is enabling it, Yep. If I couldn't pace for hours at a time I'd suck at regulating and processing everything., I realize I believe pacing is a stim for me as well when I’m in the middle of the meltdown and trying not to self harm. I start incessantly pacing my house. It’s all I can do to either not self harm or … climb out of my own skin? Idk how else to describe it. I’m not diagnosed on paper yet but go to my evaluation next month. 31 years old and I’m finally learning why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do. Pace away and release the energy of the day my friend.

my son is 11, he was in aba for 5 years. it definitely helped him grow so much. his dr prescribed him adderal after trying 3 others..

I believe it helps him stay focused in school, but I've always been against it. He gets emotional and irritated when it wears off its a low dose. She said I could give it a break for the summer, he hasn't had it in 3 weeks and I can see a different his minds all over the place, hard to stay on task.. but I believe he doesnt need it and want to try school without it when it starts back up.. also, has anyone tried CBD I've read a few articles online.. he also has social issues, he likes to play alone but wants friends, but always thinks they're looking at him wierd (making fun of him) when they're not and I don't know how to have him understand it's not what he thinks.. just curious of anyone has dealt w my few things

Why are you against the meds? I’m a little Confused since you say you noticed the difference., Have you asked your son how he feels about it? Does the Adderall help him or does he not like how he feels? I'm always cautious about parents making a unilateral choice about if kids "need" meds or not based on their own feelings from knowing several children who talk about major struggles that they didn't have to go through because their parents wouldn't give them the medication they need (one friend who started taking anti-anxiety meds as soon as they turned 18 and no longer felt like he was going to die every day. Another friend who made it through school without ADD meds, but all of a sudden felt like school wasn't a constant struggle when she hit college and could take them). You're still the parent, obviously, and need to make the final judgment call here, but at 11, I'd definitely see how your son feels about it., I'm guessing your kid has ADHD as well? Because CBD is legal you can try it without your doc's permission (preferably when he's not taking anything else, of course). Not everyone with ADHD is like this, but personally, I absolutely hate eating it and do horrible with it. My mind doesn't slow down at all, but it makes me completely unable to keep up, which just feeds the anxiety. I've tried it a few times to test it out, to see if perhaps it was just too strong -- but nah. It's just not for me. Thanks to the THC, consuming weed is at least enjoyable (😂), but it also makes my ADHD significantly worse even several days after, so ... I don't do it too often. To my knowledge, there is no definite proof that it does well with ADHD (though there are people with it who say that it does, so still up in the air), but there are some [known adverse effects.](https://www.additudemag.com/cannabis-use-disorder-marijuana-adhd/) Anywho, I'm not trying to discourage you from giving it a go! He might have good luck with it, and you won't know otherwise. As it's just CBD, I can't think of any long-term problems that can arise from trying it, so ya know!, There are many different ADHD meds available and it often takes a couple of tries before finding the right one that works best for your individual child. My 7yo has ADHD and was started on vyvanse. His teachers reported a difference right away but he was very moody at home. We probably stayed on it longer than we should have but it’s hard to be objective about what behaviors are ADHD-driven, caused by the meds, or personality traits. We did not give it to him on his birthday and realized he was better without. We have since switched to focalin and it’s like having my sweet boy back without ADHD dictating his response to everything., His Dr says "we don't need to fix something that's not broken" when I mentioned taking him off of it. I guess I can see how the rest of the summer goes. There were a few days during the shortage he didn't have it for school and they noticed no difference, said he stayed in seat, focused and was on task, I don't like when it wears off, and I'd be ok with something that's not a stimulant like adderal. But we tried a few others and no difference. When it wears off he's in a terrible mood. When he's on it, he's very quiet. I just don't see the difference bring very drastic that he needs it, it's here and there off tasks but I noticed he will focus on something (off it) and to me he's not that bad off it, when it's wearing off it's terrible for him. He also is a picky eater to begin with and while that's active he barely will eat., He says he doesn't want to be on them, he says they give me headaches. And also has mentioned I don't need meds, but that may to due his younger sister is a little sassy n she'll just be like did you take your meds today, It really just depends on what you think is worse, him having a comedown but doing well in the meds, or avoiding the comedown and being all over the place off the meds. You were asking about cbd, so that tells me you think he needs something., My kids need something to balance the adderall out. If your kid has anxiety as well, then the adderall will make this aspect of his personality slightly worse and that will sometimes come out as irritability. We’ve always done better with a stimulant as well as a mild anti anxiety type medicine to go along with it., I asked his Dr about cbd, it's legal. She completely ignored it as if I didn't ask. His comedown is terrible, and on it hes completely quiet doesn't engage socially. It's very conflicting for me, He does have anxiety also just the Dr has never addressed that just wanted him to be successful switching to a public school 2 years ago., Of the dr ignored it then maybe they don’t think it will help? It’s hard to know what the right decision is with meds. I’ve had to make the decision a few times for my kids, so I get the difficulty.

no IEP support for 3-year-old - normal?

We are very new to ASD journey after a teacher suggested we have our just turned three-year-old boy evaluated around the start of the year. The main issue she focused on was a near complete lack of interaction with other kids, but also noticed stemming, lining up toys, some delayed speech and some other consistent behaviors. We were a bit blind sided, but since then have learned a lot and realized there were other things we had just not been aware were signs of ASD. We simultaneously kicked off with Kaiser and the school district, and coincidentally both evals are coming in this week. Kaiser (via referral - so still waiting on final paper work/support offered) confirmed that he is level 1 ASD, and biggest concern was with pragmatic communication (her is very verbal but with lots of scripting / lacks ability to answer real questions or stay on a topic). The psychologist we did the eval said based on what she was seeing we should expect the school district to offer some clear goals/support and mentioned that what they will offer can generally be better than Kaiser. We then just heard back from school district, who in their IEP review doc also suspects level 1 ASD but is saying he does not qualify for any support. We have a scheduled formal review, but the emailed doc does clearly state no support rec from the team. We are super new to process and a little confused on: \-What support we even would expect from the school district at this age (38 months now) \-If no support is expected for verbal level 1 ASD \-If not, what we should be pushing them for Our main concern right now is pragmatic language skills and general learning how to interact with other kids. Any insight would be immensely appreciated 🙏. Thanks in advance! &#x200B; &#x200B;

It is possible to get an IEP for a verbal person with level 1 ASD. My kid got one for the first time at 15 during their last semester of high school, years before even getting a medical diagnosis. What a lot of schools will do though is basically wait to see your kid fail before they will do anything, so it helps to be able to argue why he will not be able to access curriculum given his disability (which in the IEP world isn't even operating off the DSM and they use their own disability categories). In my kid's case, we took the angle of social skills compromising academics via conflicts with peers and teachers, given that they already had a 4.2 GPA and basically acted as an unpaid teacher a good deal of the time., He would need an educational diagnosis. Schools only provide services as needed to give an education so it’s a low standard. I would suggest completing the medical evaluations then applying for the IEP. Generally your son can get speech, OT, and PT through the school system and there’s an early intervention preschool. How much services you qualify to receive is a different question. Schools keep children in the least restrictive environment and provide minimal services., Generally with schools they offer supports if they feel that the disability impacts learning. It’s kind of surprising that he didn’t get an IEP since the teacher brought it up, so the assumption is that it does impact his learning. But then again this is preschool so there isn’t a high level of learning yet. My son is also 3 and in preschool special ed class. He got evaluated by the school district as a continuation of services as he aged out of early intervention. The regional center handled the transition. He is speaking but still speech delayed. His IEP covers speech goals as well as goals for turn taking since he has a hard time waiting for things. I’m wondering since your child didn’t have any early intervention and went to preschool straight that they don’t feel he needs help yet. You can always contact those doing the evaluation and ask questions. People who work in this field usually go in wanting to help children unless they are jaded. Try to work collaboratively and see if you all can help your child to do his best., So your child might qualify for a 504 and not an IEP, for me I strongly encourage integration into a school curriculum/main school setting before exploring IEPs. Mostly because a lot of the schools Sped Classes appear to be about what’s best/easiest for the school and not necessarily for the student. Also if her main issue is verbal communication, not cognitive deficits/overstimulation having her be placed in a classroom with other verbally challenged/communication impaired students may cause a setback. But the school may also be attempting to mainstream at the start and then explore other options after., Is he in school at 3?, My 3 year old twins are in pre k and have an IEP. You set goals, and it’s also there for protection. We have a speech therapist that helps them weekly. I know where I’m from. If you’re not pushing for it, or constantly checking up on the goals and outcomes sometimes you don’t hear anything about it., I would reccomend seeing if you have a local [raising special kids](https://raisingspecialkids.org/) group. They are a free resource that can help with things like understanding the law and your rights when it comes to your state and IEPs/meetings. It is also a great resource to meet local families that are going through thw same thing and school systems. As well as a great way to get your child involved in activities with other kids in a way where you don't feel pressured if they are having a bad day., I would say the lack social skills is the least of their worries. IEPs help with education. Based on what the teacher said, does the stimming affect her school work and participation? Does she elope? Does she exhibit any worrisome behaviors like hitting? Does she answer questions appropriately? How exactly is she speech delayed? How is she with proprioceptive movement? Does she have any aversions with texture or environment (sounds)? What kind of supports are you looking for?, He doesn't have to be. Public school starts providing services after early intervention services with the state lapse, usually at 3. You have to drive them in for therapy., Yes I realize all that, but it doesn't answer the question I asked, which was whether he is in school. My son went through the early intervention process starting slightly before his 3rd birthday when he was still in private daycare. His birthday is in February. When the next school year started (in August) he qualified for pre-k based on the school district assessing him as having a disability. My district doesn't have universal pre-k but because of his disability, he was able to go for two years, when he was 3 turning 4 and then 4 turning 5. But before that, when he had an IFSP plan and was not old enough for pre-k, he didnt really receive any services. His support needs then and now were pretty low though. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and has some moderate behavioral supports and a behavior intervention plan now that he is in kindergarten. He was assessed twice for autism but each time we were told he doesn't meet criteria. He definitely has some traits though. Anyway, what I was going to say based on the answer to the question was that if the child is in school at 3 and had an IEP or IFSP I would definitely expect that plan to includr some kind of services, or it really isn't a plan at all. But of thr child is *not* in school yet, and they are high-functioning/low support needs, it isn't all that surprising that there wouldnt be much happening in the way of services yet because that was my experience as well. All the school district did while my son was in private daycare was send someone to observe his interactions a few times, and they also sent a compression vest for staff to try out (it didn't work for him)., Thanks so much for this additional insight as it is similar to our situation! He is currently enrolled in a three day a week preschool program through parks and recs system, but not in (or sounds like qualifying for) a school system run program., My kid was getting an hour of speech/wk at 3 through our public school, so I do think it's on a case by case basis., It is possible to get an IEP for a verbal person with level 1 ASD. My kid got one for the first time at 15 during their last semester of high school, years before even getting a medical diagnosis. What a lot of schools will do though is basically wait to see your kid fail before they will do anything, so it helps to be able to argue why he will not be able to access curriculum given his disability (which in the IEP world isn't even operating off the DSM and they use their own disability categories). In my kid's case, we took the angle of social skills compromising academics via conflicts with peers and teachers, given that they already had a 4.2 GPA and basically acted as an unpaid teacher a good deal of the time., He would need an educational diagnosis. Schools only provide services as needed to give an education so it’s a low standard. I would suggest completing the medical evaluations then applying for the IEP. Generally your son can get speech, OT, and PT through the school system and there’s an early intervention preschool. How much services you qualify to receive is a different question. Schools keep children in the least restrictive environment and provide minimal services., Generally with schools they offer supports if they feel that the disability impacts learning. It’s kind of surprising that he didn’t get an IEP since the teacher brought it up, so the assumption is that it does impact his learning. But then again this is preschool so there isn’t a high level of learning yet. My son is also 3 and in preschool special ed class. He got evaluated by the school district as a continuation of services as he aged out of early intervention. The regional center handled the transition. He is speaking but still speech delayed. His IEP covers speech goals as well as goals for turn taking since he has a hard time waiting for things. I’m wondering since your child didn’t have any early intervention and went to preschool straight that they don’t feel he needs help yet. You can always contact those doing the evaluation and ask questions. People who work in this field usually go in wanting to help children unless they are jaded. Try to work collaboratively and see if you all can help your child to do his best., So your child might qualify for a 504 and not an IEP, for me I strongly encourage integration into a school curriculum/main school setting before exploring IEPs. Mostly because a lot of the schools Sped Classes appear to be about what’s best/easiest for the school and not necessarily for the student. Also if her main issue is verbal communication, not cognitive deficits/overstimulation having her be placed in a classroom with other verbally challenged/communication impaired students may cause a setback. But the school may also be attempting to mainstream at the start and then explore other options after., Is he in school at 3?, My 3 year old twins are in pre k and have an IEP. You set goals, and it’s also there for protection. We have a speech therapist that helps them weekly. I know where I’m from. If you’re not pushing for it, or constantly checking up on the goals and outcomes sometimes you don’t hear anything about it., I would reccomend seeing if you have a local [raising special kids](https://raisingspecialkids.org/) group. They are a free resource that can help with things like understanding the law and your rights when it comes to your state and IEPs/meetings. It is also a great resource to meet local families that are going through thw same thing and school systems. As well as a great way to get your child involved in activities with other kids in a way where you don't feel pressured if they are having a bad day., I would say the lack social skills is the least of their worries. IEPs help with education. Based on what the teacher said, does the stimming affect her school work and participation? Does she elope? Does she exhibit any worrisome behaviors like hitting? Does she answer questions appropriately? How exactly is she speech delayed? How is she with proprioceptive movement? Does she have any aversions with texture or environment (sounds)? What kind of supports are you looking for?, He doesn't have to be. Public school starts providing services after early intervention services with the state lapse, usually at 3. You have to drive them in for therapy., Yes I realize all that, but it doesn't answer the question I asked, which was whether he is in school. My son went through the early intervention process starting slightly before his 3rd birthday when he was still in private daycare. His birthday is in February. When the next school year started (in August) he qualified for pre-k based on the school district assessing him as having a disability. My district doesn't have universal pre-k but because of his disability, he was able to go for two years, when he was 3 turning 4 and then 4 turning 5. But before that, when he had an IFSP plan and was not old enough for pre-k, he didnt really receive any services. His support needs then and now were pretty low though. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and has some moderate behavioral supports and a behavior intervention plan now that he is in kindergarten. He was assessed twice for autism but each time we were told he doesn't meet criteria. He definitely has some traits though. Anyway, what I was going to say based on the answer to the question was that if the child is in school at 3 and had an IEP or IFSP I would definitely expect that plan to includr some kind of services, or it really isn't a plan at all. But of thr child is *not* in school yet, and they are high-functioning/low support needs, it isn't all that surprising that there wouldnt be much happening in the way of services yet because that was my experience as well. All the school district did while my son was in private daycare was send someone to observe his interactions a few times, and they also sent a compression vest for staff to try out (it didn't work for him)., Thanks so much for this additional insight as it is similar to our situation! He is currently enrolled in a three day a week preschool program through parks and recs system, but not in (or sounds like qualifying for) a school system run program., My kid was getting an hour of speech/wk at 3 through our public school, so I do think it's on a case by case basis., It is possible to get an IEP for a verbal person with level 1 ASD. My kid got one for the first time at 15 during their last semester of high school, years before even getting a medical diagnosis. What a lot of schools will do though is basically wait to see your kid fail before they will do anything, so it helps to be able to argue why he will not be able to access curriculum given his disability (which in the IEP world isn't even operating off the DSM and they use their own disability categories). In my kid's case, we took the angle of social skills compromising academics via conflicts with peers and teachers, given that they already had a 4.2 GPA and basically acted as an unpaid teacher a good deal of the time., He would need an educational diagnosis. Schools only provide services as needed to give an education so it’s a low standard. I would suggest completing the medical evaluations then applying for the IEP. Generally your son can get speech, OT, and PT through the school system and there’s an early intervention preschool. How much services you qualify to receive is a different question. Schools keep children in the least restrictive environment and provide minimal services., Generally with schools they offer supports if they feel that the disability impacts learning. It’s kind of surprising that he didn’t get an IEP since the teacher brought it up, so the assumption is that it does impact his learning. But then again this is preschool so there isn’t a high level of learning yet. My son is also 3 and in preschool special ed class. He got evaluated by the school district as a continuation of services as he aged out of early intervention. The regional center handled the transition. He is speaking but still speech delayed. His IEP covers speech goals as well as goals for turn taking since he has a hard time waiting for things. I’m wondering since your child didn’t have any early intervention and went to preschool straight that they don’t feel he needs help yet. You can always contact those doing the evaluation and ask questions. People who work in this field usually go in wanting to help children unless they are jaded. Try to work collaboratively and see if you all can help your child to do his best., So your child might qualify for a 504 and not an IEP, for me I strongly encourage integration into a school curriculum/main school setting before exploring IEPs. Mostly because a lot of the schools Sped Classes appear to be about what’s best/easiest for the school and not necessarily for the student. Also if her main issue is verbal communication, not cognitive deficits/overstimulation having her be placed in a classroom with other verbally challenged/communication impaired students may cause a setback. But the school may also be attempting to mainstream at the start and then explore other options after., Is he in school at 3?, My 3 year old twins are in pre k and have an IEP. You set goals, and it’s also there for protection. We have a speech therapist that helps them weekly. I know where I’m from. If you’re not pushing for it, or constantly checking up on the goals and outcomes sometimes you don’t hear anything about it., I would reccomend seeing if you have a local [raising special kids](https://raisingspecialkids.org/) group. They are a free resource that can help with things like understanding the law and your rights when it comes to your state and IEPs/meetings. It is also a great resource to meet local families that are going through thw same thing and school systems. As well as a great way to get your child involved in activities with other kids in a way where you don't feel pressured if they are having a bad day., I would say the lack social skills is the least of their worries. IEPs help with education. Based on what the teacher said, does the stimming affect her school work and participation? Does she elope? Does she exhibit any worrisome behaviors like hitting? Does she answer questions appropriately? How exactly is she speech delayed? How is she with proprioceptive movement? Does she have any aversions with texture or environment (sounds)? What kind of supports are you looking for?, He doesn't have to be. Public school starts providing services after early intervention services with the state lapse, usually at 3. You have to drive them in for therapy., Yes I realize all that, but it doesn't answer the question I asked, which was whether he is in school. My son went through the early intervention process starting slightly before his 3rd birthday when he was still in private daycare. His birthday is in February. When the next school year started (in August) he qualified for pre-k based on the school district assessing him as having a disability. My district doesn't have universal pre-k but because of his disability, he was able to go for two years, when he was 3 turning 4 and then 4 turning 5. But before that, when he had an IFSP plan and was not old enough for pre-k, he didnt really receive any services. His support needs then and now were pretty low though. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and has some moderate behavioral supports and a behavior intervention plan now that he is in kindergarten. He was assessed twice for autism but each time we were told he doesn't meet criteria. He definitely has some traits though. Anyway, what I was going to say based on the answer to the question was that if the child is in school at 3 and had an IEP or IFSP I would definitely expect that plan to includr some kind of services, or it really isn't a plan at all. But of thr child is *not* in school yet, and they are high-functioning/low support needs, it isn't all that surprising that there wouldnt be much happening in the way of services yet because that was my experience as well. All the school district did while my son was in private daycare was send someone to observe his interactions a few times, and they also sent a compression vest for staff to try out (it didn't work for him)., Thanks so much for this additional insight as it is similar to our situation! He is currently enrolled in a three day a week preschool program through parks and recs system, but not in (or sounds like qualifying for) a school system run program., My kid was getting an hour of speech/wk at 3 through our public school, so I do think it's on a case by case basis., It is possible to get an IEP for a verbal person with level 1 ASD. My kid got one for the first time at 15 during their last semester of high school, years before even getting a medical diagnosis. What a lot of schools will do though is basically wait to see your kid fail before they will do anything, so it helps to be able to argue why he will not be able to access curriculum given his disability (which in the IEP world isn't even operating off the DSM and they use their own disability categories). In my kid's case, we took the angle of social skills compromising academics via conflicts with peers and teachers, given that they already had a 4.2 GPA and basically acted as an unpaid teacher a good deal of the time., He would need an educational diagnosis. Schools only provide services as needed to give an education so it’s a low standard. I would suggest completing the medical evaluations then applying for the IEP. Generally your son can get speech, OT, and PT through the school system and there’s an early intervention preschool. How much services you qualify to receive is a different question. Schools keep children in the least restrictive environment and provide minimal services., Generally with schools they offer supports if they feel that the disability impacts learning. It’s kind of surprising that he didn’t get an IEP since the teacher brought it up, so the assumption is that it does impact his learning. But then again this is preschool so there isn’t a high level of learning yet. My son is also 3 and in preschool special ed class. He got evaluated by the school district as a continuation of services as he aged out of early intervention. The regional center handled the transition. He is speaking but still speech delayed. His IEP covers speech goals as well as goals for turn taking since he has a hard time waiting for things. I’m wondering since your child didn’t have any early intervention and went to preschool straight that they don’t feel he needs help yet. You can always contact those doing the evaluation and ask questions. People who work in this field usually go in wanting to help children unless they are jaded. Try to work collaboratively and see if you all can help your child to do his best., So your child might qualify for a 504 and not an IEP, for me I strongly encourage integration into a school curriculum/main school setting before exploring IEPs. Mostly because a lot of the schools Sped Classes appear to be about what’s best/easiest for the school and not necessarily for the student. Also if her main issue is verbal communication, not cognitive deficits/overstimulation having her be placed in a classroom with other verbally challenged/communication impaired students may cause a setback. But the school may also be attempting to mainstream at the start and then explore other options after., Is he in school at 3?, My 3 year old twins are in pre k and have an IEP. You set goals, and it’s also there for protection. We have a speech therapist that helps them weekly. I know where I’m from. If you’re not pushing for it, or constantly checking up on the goals and outcomes sometimes you don’t hear anything about it., I would reccomend seeing if you have a local [raising special kids](https://raisingspecialkids.org/) group. They are a free resource that can help with things like understanding the law and your rights when it comes to your state and IEPs/meetings. It is also a great resource to meet local families that are going through thw same thing and school systems. As well as a great way to get your child involved in activities with other kids in a way where you don't feel pressured if they are having a bad day., I would say the lack social skills is the least of their worries. IEPs help with education. Based on what the teacher said, does the stimming affect her school work and participation? Does she elope? Does she exhibit any worrisome behaviors like hitting? Does she answer questions appropriately? How exactly is she speech delayed? How is she with proprioceptive movement? Does she have any aversions with texture or environment (sounds)? What kind of supports are you looking for?, He doesn't have to be. Public school starts providing services after early intervention services with the state lapse, usually at 3. You have to drive them in for therapy., Yes I realize all that, but it doesn't answer the question I asked, which was whether he is in school. My son went through the early intervention process starting slightly before his 3rd birthday when he was still in private daycare. His birthday is in February. When the next school year started (in August) he qualified for pre-k based on the school district assessing him as having a disability. My district doesn't have universal pre-k but because of his disability, he was able to go for two years, when he was 3 turning 4 and then 4 turning 5. But before that, when he had an IFSP plan and was not old enough for pre-k, he didnt really receive any services. His support needs then and now were pretty low though. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and has some moderate behavioral supports and a behavior intervention plan now that he is in kindergarten. He was assessed twice for autism but each time we were told he doesn't meet criteria. He definitely has some traits though. Anyway, what I was going to say based on the answer to the question was that if the child is in school at 3 and had an IEP or IFSP I would definitely expect that plan to includr some kind of services, or it really isn't a plan at all. But of thr child is *not* in school yet, and they are high-functioning/low support needs, it isn't all that surprising that there wouldnt be much happening in the way of services yet because that was my experience as well. All the school district did while my son was in private daycare was send someone to observe his interactions a few times, and they also sent a compression vest for staff to try out (it didn't work for him)., Thanks so much for this additional insight as it is similar to our situation! He is currently enrolled in a three day a week preschool program through parks and recs system, but not in (or sounds like qualifying for) a school system run program., My kid was getting an hour of speech/wk at 3 through our public school, so I do think it's on a case by case basis.

opinions?

this might be a little confusing but i’m going to try to explain everything. so next year, his last year of preschool he’s supposed to do a full day from 8-3. as of right now he does headstart tuesday, thursday and friday from 12-3 and ABA on monday and wednesday from 9-3. since next year he’s supposed to be full day every day at headstart, he wouldn’t be able to do OT, speech and ABA. they explained to me that he does OT and speech at school and that we would have to pick one or the other. i wanted him to do preK from 8-12 monday through friday, then aba, speech and OT from 12-3. they said he has to do a full day. my son also HATES going to school which breaks my heart. should i just do ABA full time, or do headstart and drop aba? i just want to make the best decision that he will benefit from. any advice and experiences i would LOVE to hear. options: -headstart preschool 8-3 with OT & speech provided or -full time aba with speech and OT provided 9-3

I am on team "aba with speech and OT provided" because you should not give up ABA in favor of an inflexible headstart preschool (they make me so mad with their attendance requirements). You could see if there are playgroups or story times that your child could attend so that you can have them around peer-models (is that term still used?). You could even see if there is a private preschool willing to take him that might offer a part time program, if you can afford it., I am on team "aba with speech and OT provided" because you should not give up ABA in favor of an inflexible headstart preschool (they make me so mad with their attendance requirements). You could see if there are playgroups or story times that your child could attend so that you can have them around peer-models (is that term still used?). You could even see if there is a private preschool willing to take him that might offer a part time program, if you can afford it., I am on team "aba with speech and OT provided" because you should not give up ABA in favor of an inflexible headstart preschool (they make me so mad with their attendance requirements). You could see if there are playgroups or story times that your child could attend so that you can have them around peer-models (is that term still used?). You could even see if there is a private preschool willing to take him that might offer a part time program, if you can afford it., I am on team "aba with speech and OT provided" because you should not give up ABA in favor of an inflexible headstart preschool (they make me so mad with their attendance requirements). You could see if there are playgroups or story times that your child could attend so that you can have them around peer-models (is that term still used?). You could even see if there is a private preschool willing to take him that might offer a part time program, if you can afford it.

psychiatrist for autistic tween

I would like to work with a psychiatrist to look into best medication for my 14 year old son. Three years ago, he was prescribed ADHD medication, but the psychiatrist since retired, so I need to find a new one. It has been difficult to find one, as most do not take autistic patients or teens. I have UHC insurance in Texas. Any experience or tips or tricks to find psychiatrists who deal with autism and teens?

There is no treatment for the core defecits of autism but any psychiatrist should be able to treat the comorbidities (for ex if your child is experiencing anxiety, depression, agitation, irritability etc). Is it that they don’t take your insurance? I don’t think you are being turned away because your son has autism. You can try going on psychologytoday.com, searching for psychiatrists near your zip code, and selecting your insurance company as a filter., There is no treatment for the core defecits of autism but any psychiatrist should be able to treat the comorbidities (for ex if your child is experiencing anxiety, depression, agitation, irritability etc). Is it that they don’t take your insurance? I don’t think you are being turned away because your son has autism. You can try going on psychologytoday.com, searching for psychiatrists near your zip code, and selecting your insurance company as a filter., There is no treatment for the core defecits of autism but any psychiatrist should be able to treat the comorbidities (for ex if your child is experiencing anxiety, depression, agitation, irritability etc). Is it that they don’t take your insurance? I don’t think you are being turned away because your son has autism. You can try going on psychologytoday.com, searching for psychiatrists near your zip code, and selecting your insurance company as a filter., There is no treatment for the core defecits of autism but any psychiatrist should be able to treat the comorbidities (for ex if your child is experiencing anxiety, depression, agitation, irritability etc). Is it that they don’t take your insurance? I don’t think you are being turned away because your son has autism. You can try going on psychologytoday.com, searching for psychiatrists near your zip code, and selecting your insurance company as a filter.

restrictions on diet have any effect on your child?

As a father of 3 year old non verbal kid, I am going through a difficult phase in my relationship where my wife doesn't want me to cut down on my child's sugar, gluten and caesin intake. My wife will usually choose a easy to cook meal or packaged products like spaghetti or cookies although i don't give him chocolates and packaged juice anymore, I am not sure if my wife does behind my back bcoz I have found wrappers in trash and when confronted she said it was for her. My wife says she feels it's unfair that our kid cannot enjoy treats and I feel the same way but I want to be strict in these initial years so he can lead a normal life He has severe adhd and will spin anything and everything he can and play alone with spinning objects or zooms through the house giving us restless hours. Do you guys think I am over doing it and giving my wife and child a difficult time?.

Our 3 year old wasn't speaking at 3, and is in a regular classroom at 6. No dietary restrictions. If that stuff actually worked, you would see legitimate medical professionals recommending it., My child has celiac disease, and has been gluten free for about 7 years now. She was also dairy free for the first year after diagnosis, since her intestines were too damaged to break it down. Her diet didn’t, and doesn’t have an effect on her autism., Cutting down on processed sugar is always a good thing for anyone., Certain foods don't make kids more autistic. But from another angle, a lot of autistic adults have really bad diets. Pushing healthy food and limiting sugar is never a bad thing. Especially sugar based drinks like soda. Juice is ok but make sure it's 100% juice. It's fine to have a couple cookies or whatever, just don't over do it. It's way easier to start out with good eating habits than to try and gain them later in life., One of my kids has adhd and I remember his pediatrician telling me that if no sugar (or food dye, processed foods, etc) was treatment for adhd, every kid with it who didn’t have those items would be cured. Said it never ever hurts to cut those things out of your diet for your physical health, but it does minimal things for mental health. As for the non verbal part. My son with autism didn’t speak one word, not even mama or dada, until he was about four. He’s now almost 15 and while all my kids are smart (of course I would say that), he’s scary smart (think Spencer Reed on Criminal Minds) and talks. And talks. And then talks more., Yes, you are overdoing it and have somewhere learned some misinformation. Diet won’t change your child’s autism or adhd. You may want to read up on stimming—it could help you to understand the spinning obsession., Dietary restrictions do not effect/cause autism. I definitely try to keep sugar to a minimum myself but my own son has a ton of sensory issues and texture issues with foods. Crunchy is about all he will eat. He loves top Ramen and a specific type of frozen burrito(chimichanga with flakey crust) and honestly his diet is so limited anyways, it would be cruel to forcefully limit it more. I'm just so happy he eats anything and he recieves supplements for iron and magnesium to keep him healthy too., You can't 'strict parent' the neurodiversity out of a kid(!) Sugar and gluten aren't making him autistic/ADHD. Let the lad enjoy treats., No. Diet doesn't affect autism, My son hardly has any sugar in his diet. Doesn't like candy, cake, treats or soda. And he did all the things you've described at age 3. However I too am not a fan of giving children too much junk food and all that and that's probably why he doesn't like any of it now. He gets cookies and chocolate milk once in awhile, maybe a lollipop .., our pediatrician was on board with us getting blood tests for celiac and looking into any vitamin and mineral deficiencies. worth a try., I would go to a GI - you say your son frequently has stomach infections. Those will affect his behavior (gut mind connection), though it won’t change his autism. Getting to the bottom of the stomach issues is what’s important here - and if you’ve already trialed removing foods, it’s time to bring in an expert. If it’s a food intolerance that will strongly affect behavior, just cutting back isn’t enough anyway - it would have to be complete. My oldest can’t have dairy because it shuts down his digestive system for weeks. His behaviors get more challenging and obvious, because his body is in stress. Even something lightly contaminated can cause him to throw up within about 30 minutes, and his behavior is off for at least a day, possibly a week. The foods you listed aren’t necessarily likely to affect his adhd either - you could trial removing all food dyes and seeing if that causes a change. Certain dyes affect my oldest, but others don’t. It also sounds like your wife wants easy meals to provide. If this is something you immensely want to stick to, then you need to support that. Cook meals and freeze them, or find suitable alternatives that are easy to have at the house., Honestly your wife prilly wants to make easy meals cuz ur kid won’t eat them. At least that’s the way it is in my house. I have 3 kids and 99% of the time some one is going to hate it and not want to hate it. Spaghetti is eaten at least once a week cuz they all eat it, my husband doesn’t like it but doesn’t say anything cuz he knows the struggle. Breakfast for dinner gets made once a week cuz it’s cheap and easy, plus the kids eat it. I mean you both can look for ways to make dinners that don’t have a high sugar content to rile your child up as you think. But I’ll make a variety of meals and honestly I’ve never seen my son react differently to anything. He still stims, paces back and forth constantly in his room. The same with getting him involved in an activity, it doesn’t “wear him out.”, I think this could be something a paediatrician or GP could help discuss, too. Diets don’t affect autism, but if there are concerns of health and balance, then that’s a healthy approach to take and a concern to address. My daughter, 7, ASD, she has a healthy diet that allows for snacks and sugars, but we took a long time to get her to eat this way. She still goes through phases of eating only carb-heavy things when her tummy is sensitive, and she will outright refuse food that doesn’t feel safe during those times. Our paediatrician advised that it’s better to feed them something they will eat (to encourage appetite), but still place healthy food on the plate. We also incorporated a grazing plate on our dinner table and this allows for her to choose and participate in eating healthy foods. Some kids with ASD really struggle with eating foods for sensory reasons, digestive reasons, or just because they’re a kid - so maybe your wife is leaning on letting him eat anything - because he is then, eating? Either way, I’d look into talking with a GP and seeing what alternatives you can take to cutting back sugar and still making it feel like he’s getting rewards. Small things, like adding fruit instead of sprinkles to ice cream, mixing whole grain spaghetti noodles in with white, blending extra veggies into soups and sauces, etc. are all “tricks” we used, and it made us feel better about feeding our daughter and her diet in general. Good luck, Op., Only periferally related. As a kid my parents hear about red dye # something. Hoped if it wasn't in my Audhd sister didnt have it behavior and concentration would be better. It wasn't., We saw a pretty significant change when we switched our son to a medical keto diet. No, not the keto cult fad diet, but a high protein, low carb, restricted sugar diet. He still gets candy he just has to work for it. There's a balance to it. It's limiting not taking away. So, like my son LOVES pizza, and will eat a wide variety of food He otherwise wouldn't if it's on pizza. So when I say limit, we get him thin crust and don't stop him if he just wants to eat the tops and leave the crust. Edit: our son also has seizures, keto was recommended by his neurologist for this along with his epilepsy meds. It made him clearer, more lucid, and we saw a slight uptick in speech., My son is almost 8 and is gluten and dairy free. Still very autistic, with that said I severely limit sugar and he doesn’t eat a bunch of treats. I don’t even understand the logic of “let him enjoy some treats” My child is an extreme hellion at the dentist and will have to have sedation for any cleanings or surgery so the less sugar he has the less surgery’s he’ll have to have. Saving myself money and him trauma., I’ve noticed with my autistic son that any red food color affects him. I know food coloring is not good for anyone. When my boys were little I was SO strict about all natural, organic, non-food coloring, non GMO etc. as prices of groceries have gone up and as they have gotten older I felt bad when we go to the store and they see things that they have seen on commercials and ask “why can’t we get this?” And I explain to them because it’s full of garbage and has NO nutritional value at all. And my son will ask me “but did you eat it as a kid?” And I will tell him “I’m not gonna lie, yes I did BUT we didn’t know the things we know now about these ingredients AND they didn’t have as many options (if any that I can remember) of “natural” & organic. So the “mom guilt” kicked in and I gave in a little. My autistic son ALWAYS wants junk food and I try so hard to limit it, but also let him “be a kid” within reason. If he asks for something that has coloring in it, when I do agree *sometimes* I at least avoid red food coloring because I’ve seen how it’s affected him mentally. My other son who I believe has adhd also is super sensitive to coloring, especially red dye, so I just keep that out of the picture for everyone. Have they had it a few times in the past? Yes, but I realized how much it affects both of them. I would say it’s always a good idea to eat healthy, but a sweet snack/treat here and there prob wouldn’t hurt, as they want to “be a kid” and enjoy what their friends get to eat sometimes. It’s all about moderation in my opinion and experience. Maybe try to meet in the middle with your wife and find a couple of treats that they can have every once in a while or for a special occasion, My son won’t drink water. He has chronic anemia. Delayed puberty. Lives on hamburgers and spaghetti. 💔, sounds like you get to make dinner every night now!, We tried to cut gluten and dairy, we didn’t see results. We stopped because he said “Pizza” when his siblings were eating next to him. It was worth it., With my son, sugar 100% exacerbated his stimming and inattentiveness. We had our house renovated and it took us weeks to get our kitchen up and working so we were staying at hotels and eating a lot of takeout. He was getting a lot of sugar. The data from our BCBA during that entire period was that he couldn't sleep, was inattentive, non-compliant, and was prone to tantrums. He was doing great prior to this. We all decided to cut down sugar considerably and he was back to his old calm self. Our other kids do not have this kind of change of behavior when they get sugar in their system, so we figured that our autistic sons body processes sugar differently from his siblings. We have also cut down on his carb intake and increased meats and fish oil intake on the advice of the doctor that diagnosed my son's adhd and his behavior during ABA and tutoring has improved as well. We didn't really cut put the junk. We just greatly reduced it. We even use them as rewards to motivate him to complete a task., Since the change in diet is your preference, maybe you could introduce some different options. Like cooking a few meals or find ingredient substitutions. That way you can reduce intake and help with providing balanced meals. I prefer to focus on getting the right vitamins and minerals and balancing macronutrients. My son had a cow milk protein intolerance when he was a baby and finding dietary substitutions was a lot of work. I cut out casein and soy to breastfeed and avoided feeding my son those ingredients as well. He had pain and blood in his stools, so there was no other option. He grew out of the intolerance and we added casein/soy back to our diets. He has had no further GI issues. In theory I could wonder if he had leaky gut and that is the cause of his autism. It wouldn’t change the fact that he’s just like his dad as a kid and I have ADHD that seems more like autism. I think it’s mostly genetic. One thing I do try to limit is sugar. We serve fresh fruit and fruit cups. Also I don’t regularly give them juice, but if I do it’s 100% juice mixed with half water. Smoothies are a great way to get a healthy sugar boost too. I avoid high fructose corn syrup in groceries. ETA- Not supporting leaky gut theory, just using an example of dietary conspiracies, Once my wife started making my sons bread, he started to show progression. Not much but it’s slightly more noticeable. Also he doesn’t get candy (except Halloween and Easter because I’ll be damned if I’m not getting some too.) No soda or sweet drinks other than sugar free juice. We’re about to start making our own peanut butter and jelly too. That’s one of his major food groups lol. But at the same time, I don’t feel it does too much to affect him. If it is, it’s not affecting the autism, it’s affecting all the trash he isn’t getting by super processed stuff., I tried an elimination diet a couple of times to see if any kind of food had any effect on my kid’s health or symptoms. We did it twice, once for 6 weeks and once for 3 months. I noticed absolutely no difference in his symptoms, so I concluded food had nothing to do with it. You could try that yourself. I kept track by making a list of his difficulties and autism-related behaviors then keep a tally of how often I saw those, before, during, and after taking away or adding back a food. Overall it was the same behaviors at the same rate regardless of what was in his diet., Restrictive diets are more likely to cause eating disorders than treat adhd or autism. Sugar does not cause these things and taking it away wont fix them., I have 3 kids, my youngest is autistic. He is naturally very picky with food. Dinner is the only time he gets a special meal other than whatever I cooked for the rest of the family, and even that I am trying to work on. But breakfast, lunches, and snacks are all treated the same among all three kids. We don’t allow any soda. We limit juice, we buy the Honest brand juice boxes and they get 1-2 a day. After that it’s water. And the juice is only with meals. They only get two snacks a day, one in between breakfast and lunch and one in between lunch and dinner. No sweets for snacks, and one snack has to be fruit or veggies. Then they get dessert after dinner if they eat enough, and that can be cookies, candy, or ice cream. I think it is really important to balance their diet and teach them young, ESPECIALLY autistic children. I know autistic adults who are still so picky with food and all they eat is junk. I don’t want my son to get stuck in that same way. Pickiness is fine, but it doesn’t have to be pure junk. ETA: with all that said, my sons diet does not effect his autism. He is still just as autistic at the age of 6 as he was when he was first diagnosed at 4. And we weren’t always this strict with food, we used to give way more juice and junk food than we do now. So I can confidentially say the change in diet did nothing to his autism., As an autistic/ADHD person who now is so highly traumatized by rejection and shame related to my autistic traits that I can’t even be myself when I’m alone, let your child be themselves. Stimming is not bad. It is joyful and regulating. Autism and ADHD are not these terrible things that you think they are. Yes, they come with challenges. Yes, they are disabilities. But that doesn’t mean your child has to change what brings them joy just so that they can have a “normal” life. “Normal” means highly masked traits with trauma and mental illness. It’s much healthier to just be freely, wholly autistic. The whole world is going to reject your child. They should at least feel comfortable and free at home., My kid is considered a 'gut kid' and has a silly amount of food intolerances which very much effect his behaviors and sleep. Its worth getting tested, we knew some foods were issues (because rashes etc) but blood test results gave some surprise trouble foods that have helped him tremendously. Hope you don't have to deal with it!, Here is our story. My daughter is now 6. When she was 4 we were struggling because she wouldn’t really gain weight even though she was always eating, constantly had issues with constipation, and had a lot of issues with excema. Her behavior was also really difficult. We took her to the neurologist, and a gastroenterologist without any helpful suggestions. So we decided to cut the dairy and gluten out ourselves just to see what would happen. Seriously a huge difference. She gained weight, her skin cleared up and her bowel issues went away. Also, her sleep and overall behavior improved as well. Recently we had some genetics run and it seems that she has a sensitivity to folic acid which is basically in any enriched wheat product out there. So, my advice is if you want to try it, it won’t hurt. Also, as long as your kid isn’t a picky eater (thankfully ours isn’t) it can be very easy to transition to a different diet. It does take some getting used to. However, she still is nonverbal, and definitely still has difficult behaviors that go along with autism. We weren’t looking for a “cure” or anything, but it has positively effected her overall health., I did gf df no red dyes all organic for a year. It made no difference and I totally burned out for months. Preschool and less pressure is helping my son., Contrary to other posters here, switching to gluten free and dairy free made a huge difference for my son at 3. I don’t think it works for all kids and it didn’t “cure” his autism but it was totally worth it. Only you can determine if the chance that it might improve his agitation and speech is worth fighting with your wife over. Fortunately my husband was 100% on board after we met with a developmental pediatrician and this was his recommendation. Also understand that if you do it , really go all the way. We didn’t see results before cutting all of it out 100% for months. We eliminated everything and took a great deal of care to eliminate all cross contamination. He still has separate jars of peanut butter and mayo and he is 17. Cutting out just goldfish crackers alone (my NT daughter was heartbroken lol) isn’t going to do it., https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5863039/ https://scholarsrepository.llu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3498&context=etd#:~:text=A%20connection%20between%20a%20ketogenic,%2C%20gut%2Dmicrobiome%20dysfunction%2C%20medication Long story short there’s evidence to support that your not over doing it, but more studies need to be done. Life is hard enough w/o the challenge of autism. So whatever glimmer of hope there is to improve my child’s abilities I’m willing to try, but this is also a big point of contention between me and his mom as well. Western medicine isn’t going to be advocating for it if they can’t put it in a pill and profit from it., My kid ate really healthfully for his first 10 years, somewhere around 10.5 he started craving sugar like crazy and his diet gets more restrictive each year, fewer fruits and vegetables and more meat and dairy. At 10 years old he weighed 80 pounds and now at 15 he’s just under 200 pounds. I don’t buy very many processed foods so he’ll drink an entire gallon of milk in a day or eat sugar right out of the container. He gets up at night and sneaks to his room with blocks of cheese, I’ve even caught him making a batch of sugar cookies in the middle of the night. I’m at my wit’s end! I’m not sure if an early healthy diet has had any effect, at least in our case., Completely off-topic but as a parent of a not super verbal 3 year old, I just wanted to say that your post made my day! Thank you for sharing! (And I do agree about your advice - eat healthy foods for your physical health, but it's not going to affect your kid's autism.), I am really happy to hear that. I know it does the least but with all that i could do but I can't (bcoz of my office), it only feels like this is the least I could do and I don't want to leave any stone unturned. Maybe this will help least but it will help., My kid loves top ramen too. We give him noodles made of rice so they are gluten free, he also loves peanut butter and we give him natural home made one. I am more about giving an alternative instead of not giving at all Instead of chocolate i give him dried figs, raisins, dates., Thanks, we were exploring this recently. He often gets sick due to stomach infection and we often lose track for days of what we were planning. Your comment just reminded me of the mineral deficiency thing I was looking into a week ago., He has so far not shown any sign of food intolerance. He eats everything and anything (well atleast he tries if he doesn't like it he will spit it out). He has a lot of sensory issue, one with his mouth where he constantly needs a teether. He would find any object large enough to hold and in his had and suck/chew on it that is where the infection usually comes from., I understand my wife and tbh I am the kind of guy who can hungry for weeks I don't mind food any kind of it. But since I heard about GAP diet I have been a little off with the hope it gave me with my kid getting better. I do agree it's a mental blockage created and this the post so it can help me which it has., Thanks!. I encourage natural food over processed ones so instead of chocolate i offer raisins and dates. Spaghetti are made of rice (gluten free) and peanut butter are home made. What I do hate are packaged goods with preservatives, sodium and sugar like cookies and instant noodles (just add warm water)., Medical Keto is beginning to be recognized for quite a few neurological disorders! Very exciting stuff :), I shall look into this one, thanks., I am Exactly this, i cant imagine the days i will have when he gets a cavity. Imagine a non verbal in pain and no tolerance to sit at dentist, It definitely is a struggle to keep kids away from junk, i remember how I hogged on them watching my fav cartoon on my couch after school and on weekends. I wish to see my kid same way someday. I definitely want to do something that helps me and my wife do better for my kid together and the lovely comments here have helped me remove that mental blockade. U know how u r strict when u want it to be perfect? It just won't let you think differently. I wanted this post to help me change that., How did you get your son to take fish oil supplements? Mine won’t swallow anything that size with water. He is only three so maybe that’s why but not sure how to incorporate fish oil into his diet., Peanut butter, breads and any form of noodle/spaghetti. My kid wont eat anything else. Where I am from we don't have gluten free bread I did try making one for him but I failed miserably. Super processed foods are so difficult to ignore in today's world almost everything requires an ingredient that I am afraid to use. did you know Ketchup now has no Tomato listed in its ingredients list?. Who knew as a parent it will matter so much!., That's good to hear I am on a similar boat. Burning out and thinking to myself I can have better days with my kid., Our dietitian said getting more protein can reduce carb bingeing., I know you think you're doing good because cutting certain things is always better, but I urge you to consider what sort of damage your relationships are taking and the damage it may be causing your son by withholding certain things. I grew up with parents who had us eat very healthy and as soon as I could I ate any and all junk food because I had no clue how to eat junk in moderation. It also sounds like you're creating unnecessary standards that your wife and son are having trouble meeting. Why would you put that added stress on both of them when there is no actual evidence it helps?, No. It wont. That is what everyone is telling you., Does your kiddo also have texture issues? Honestly I can't get mine to eat spaghetti but there is something about the texture of top Ramen he loves., If it’s not a food intolerance, why do you want to limit these foods? Is he in OT for the sensory needs? Chewing is a sign of a need for proprioceptive sensory regulation, and sucking is often a way to try to regulate the body in general. You could try thick drinks like smoothies through a straw., The only thing I would add here, OP, is that children will still find ways to feed these cravings - whether in a balanced, healthy way in front of you and in your home, or unsupervised at another’s home/school/etc. They may even reach a point of splurging, hoarding, hiding, feeling shamed, and ultimately being unhealthy and unstable around processes foods that are being denied. Processed foods, when allowed in healthy quantities, are still okay. Too much control over foods is considered “food restriction”, and it *can* be extreme enough to become [abusive](https://thenourishedchild.com/food-restriction-restrictive-feeder/). This absolutely can lead children into having eating disorders and other dysfunctional relationships and issues around food. I would again advise: seek out a healthy and constructive discussion with your GP/Paediatrician/ASD team and wife - and work on finding a healthy, happy balance for everyone. I understand wanting to feed your child completely raw and natural ingredients, but they may have needs that aren’t being met by these foods (my daughter, who has severe digestive issues like many other ASD kids, gets dark chocolate treats and sips of coffee for helping with her iron levels — and this was approved by her GP, her paediatrician, and her specialist dietitian). There’s not much more I can advise, but I truly hope that you will speak with your child’s GP/Paediatrician about this, and seek a licensed dietitian out, if there are concerns., [deleted], I gave my asd son Smarty Pants multi vitamins with fish oil in it (orange and white jar) and he loves them. Give it a try. He hates these gummy orange buttons from Nordic Naturals. I tried them and they taste horrible with weird texture., There's a company that makes gummies for it. It's the only way for any of our kids to take fish oil. It's the same company that makes flavored fish oil drops for babies. Nordic Naturals, but I think there are other companies that make the gummies too. My son was prescribed 1000 MG so we get the buy the adult gummies for him., He definitely has it. He wants to feel food with his hands, legs and mouth. He wont eat anything too sticky or gummy, jello like consistency., My child doesn't brush yet we try daily but he screams uncontrollably., You definitely need to brush teeth. You’re gonna have to force your kid to be uncomfortable sometimes, but if you continue to let them win you’re in for a rough ride in the future.

thanksgiving plate

hi all, this is my first post in this group, i have a ALMOST two year old toddler who is in occupational therapy, and also has a ECI. we do not have a diagnosis for ASD due to pediatric referral TAT but it is HIGHLY suspected my child has it due to her behavior and tendencies and her high sensory needs. Yesterday I served her plate ( she will eat all of these things individually, except for the turkey at best) but when i served her this plate and showed it to her she gagged, threw a fit and refused to eat for the rest of the day, even when I tried to serve her these foods separately. Is there any way I can get my toddler to be open to trying new foods/ foods she already eats but aren’t in the usual setting she’s used to seeing? thank you!

This is a VERY overwhelming plate. You need to serve small portions separately, or ask her what she wants/to help make up her plate. There are so many options she probably doesn't even recognize them as safe foods., i agree that the plate is likely overwhelming, but, also, is she used to her food touching? my daughter simply will not allow her foods to be touching, even if they’re all favourites., That’s a lot of food touching other food. No bueno, My son would have gagged the exact same way if I presented him with a plate like that. When he’s in a setting with lots of family members, he’s not used to being around all the time he’s more likely to be overreactive to food choice. I’d offer him less food on his plate, nothing touching and I always offer a discard plate where he’s welcome to put anything he wants that he doesn’t want to eat, no questions asked. So, although he’s not eating the food, at least he’s touching it, or interacting with it somewhat. I also allow him to eat with toys or his tablet so he doesn’t have to focus on the social setting around him at the table. Definitely not something that works for everyone, but that’s what works for us, I highly recommend a feeding clinic evaluation. Specialists will see if there are any medical reasons for eating difficulties and develop plans specific to your child to maximize success. It took months just to get an appointment and even then it was months out and we had to go to the children's hospital for it - but since then we've been making strides at home. Not so much at daycare but they're not willing to put much effort. Edit: they can also work with your OT and ST for texture issues and set up follow up care for short or long term monitoring, Mine doesn't like ANY food touching another food, which is pretty normal for an autistic kid. Each food needs to be in its own separated area (e.g., plain chicken, plain rice, plain applesauce...). If you use that type of plate, you can only serve THREE things. Use small bowls/plates to serve other things. Check out these videos on "autism safe foods." [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xBbYmSgaJVg](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xBbYmSgaJVg) [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ixKCoDZxtyc](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ixKCoDZxtyc), I have that exact same plate for my daughter. I agree with everyone it's way too busy; one food per section works perfectly for my kid. (Fellow Texan, btw), I’m an adult with autism and I wouldn’t touch that plate. The Lima beans are Under the mashed potatoes and the right side of the plate looks wet under the food. Also green bean casserole is Terrible for me sensory wise to this day., What I like to do is give a fave food and make sure that it's the biggest portion, so the focus is to that first. Usually when they start eating the fave food it awakens their appetite and they'll absentmindedly try the others. For thanksgiving for example I made sure the biggest portion was fruit, then my son tried his turkey and whatnot after realizing he was hungry. I also prefer bigger school lunch trays. I feel like they give enough compartments to seperate everything with plenty of space., My daughter is 2.5 and we had the same reaction to her Thanksgiving plate! So solidarity on that. I ended up swapping it for a plate of Kraft Mac and cheese and she happily ate that. Generally, I present new foods and she chooses whether or not she takes a bite. I do not force her to try something, because I think that increases food aversions. Sometimes she will take a bite of a new food, other times, no such luck. With food, I really try to pick my battles. I focus on whether she’s getting enough to eat and mostly I try to stick to safe food with a new food offered occasionally., I think it’s important that we try to frame sensory overload in ways that we understand. For example, when I was pregnant I had hyperemisis for the entire 9 months. Just the thought of certain foods could bring on full blown nausea for hours. And the smell of food cooking was the worst. Days like thanksgiving were like torture for me, and I would stick with my ultra safe foods to get me through. Nobody tried to pressure me to eat anything I didn’t want, or refused to believe that my concerns were legit. We’ve accepted so many different sensory challenges and have empathy for them- eg. car & sea sickness, the sound of nails on chalkboards, game show contestants being forced to eat bugs, etc- but we often forget that our kiddos are experiencing the same thing… it just looks different. If you go on the actually autistic subreddit (subreddit for autistic adults), you will find a lot of threads about the negative effects of food training- particularly when participants are forced/pressured to eat foods that are literally sickening to them. I’ve even heard of food being withheld in order to make the child more desperate to eat the food that’s being presented… that’s not a win. IMO your child seems to happily eat a large selection of food. On this particular day, or in this particular combination, they didn’t want these foods… and I really don’t think that’s a problem. I truly believe that my job as a parent is to continuously offer a wide variety of healthy foods in a variety of combinations (or alone), and trust my child when they refuse certain foods or food combinations. I would take thanksgiving as a learning lesson for *myself*… eg. my child will be turned off by a huge array of different foods and potentially be more food-sensitive during events with lots of people/smells/noises/activity/etc., look gewd.!, Yeah, too much sensory overload. My son can only eat like one thing at a time and it can’t touch could be smell could be taste could be the site of it but two years old is young for diagnosis usually around three., Man that’s a lot happening all at once. You put seven things on there. If you look around this sub that’s more than many ASD kids eat. My own 15 year old eats five things, and none on here 😢. Be prepared for everything to be a battle now. She probably had memory like a vault and won’t touch any of these items for a long time, even if she’s eaten them no problem before. I would eat everything on there though., For what it’s worth. My boy 2.5 ASD. Choked on a small piece of dry turkey and puked it all up in my hand then proceeded to melt down for 1.5 hours because he was understandably upset. These things happen. Those plates are great though, we have several., Yum, Our 4 yr old ate ham, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie! We were so excited! He has been more willing to try new food since starting school., i also thought it might have overwhelmed her, but even when I tried to serve them separately after the fact, she just refused, next time I’ll just serve them separately from the start. also i forgot to mention she isn’t non verbal, but she cannot communicate her wants or needs to me clearly beyond pointing or making noises so it also makes it a little difficult sometimes. 😔, 43 years old here and almost had to cover my eyes when I saw this plate., What sort of advice did they give. Our OT and speech therapist have not been much help. And said to have safe foods as well as not as liked foods and make things a game. My kid will just throw the food he doesn’t like immediately on ground, Thank you! This was more along the lines of what kind of advice I was seeking. I will bring this up to my pedi. Your input has me feeling a little more optimistic and hopeful for my tot. I also believe it is a texture issue, which we’re currently trying to work on with her therapists. How is your child doing since starting to see a feeding specialist?, Thanks for posting these. I'm not OP but my 2yo was diagnosed with autism a few weeks ago and videos like this are helpful for me to educate myself. Their short and sweet also, which is nice, This is the entire point of the compartments!, i NEVER load her plate up like this, I only did for thanksgiving but typically I do use the 3 sections for one food too! I love these plates, she will only eat her food on these plates! edit ** Texan life!!, I’m also going to try this to see how she will react when trying new foods, put her favorite food as the bigger portion. I never thought about that, thank you for your suggestion ❤️ my daughter is a big fruit eater also!, The problem is, or at least the way I'd see my son reacting, you tried to "trick her" once so now nothing is safe., It's really tailored to your own child. My son has texture aversion to anything that isn't hard/crunchy so he's working with other textures in OT (clay/beans going towards things like slime). He was also an all day snacker so we're focusing on meals with at least 2 hours in between eating so that we have hunger on our side to get him to eat meals, we're also saving drinks for after meals rather than before or during. We're mixing in non preferred foods with preferred foods in small quantities in neutral containers. We're working on sitting at tables in general and for longer periods of time. Doing blood work to see if he's nutritionally deficient, separate from his gastro wanting X-rays regarding constipation from his cow's milk protein allergy issue. Doing fiber supplements to help in general with his various issues. We increased his OT off of it and he didn't qualify for additional ST with a food specialist because his eating technique is technically okay. It really depends on your own child and your situation, so I really suggest you try to get seen in general if possible, Adding to this: We’ve done feeding therapy for years. Just know progress isn’t always linear and sometimes you will take steps back 🤷🏻‍♂️ kids are like that at times. Our feeding plan was calorie focused because of the failure to thrive diagnoses added on. So we had to cook everything in butter or add cream to it. We only gave one food at a time and now at 5 we still stick to one initially and eventually throw a side in to see if she’ll bite. Sometimes she tries it other times she won’t. We also have the “discard” plate for her - so anything she doesn’t want can go on the plate and it’s no big deal. The trick with the discard plate is not to remove it until the end of the meal. Sometimes the kid will sit there looking at something they put on there and decide “ok nvm I want this orange thing now” - and that’s kind of how we’ve built up her safe foods. It is by no means a perfect system - but honestly if it weren’t for the feeding clinic she’d probably still be tube fed. I’m thankful for small miracles ♥️, He has only done the evaluation, we haven't done any follow up appointments for food therapy specifically. My son has been doing a lot better since then though (2.5). We still spoon him ourselves when it comes to his non preferred foods - specifically the Nurture Life finger food jars. He'll still fights us for the first bite but once he realizes it's not awful he'll let us keep feeding him as he plays/watches TV. We've been increasing table time during therapies in general and will do tables for eating when able - tables are a big hassle until we move so we're not really pushing that for now. He has been expanding the various types of crunchy food he will eat and even picks up to eat some non crunchy foods now. He can't use utensils himself to get past food texture issues (he mostly care about touch but certain things in his mouth are a no go like broccoli stems), The last "work of art" in the first video looks a lot like a typical autism-friendly plate at our house., [deleted], Minds like vaults

toddler sleep issues

my 3 year old (level 3) sleeps at most 5 hours on a good day. these hours are usually split up 3 when she falls asleep and then 2 in the morning from 5-6am to 7-8am. she’s been like his since she was about 1.5. her doctors and therapists say it’s normal. i asked for melatonin and they said it probably wouldn’t help because melatonin is to help you fall asleep and not stay asleep and her father is also scared of her becoming « addicted » to the melatonin and not being able to sleep without it. i don’t know what to do. i am exhausted. i’m a sahm alone with the kids for weeks at a time as dad works 21 days on 4 days off. my parents who live right next door admitted they won’t watch the kids over night bc of her autism. only 1-2 hours of her sleep is at the same time as her brother sleeps even though i put them to bed at the same time. i’ve tried putting her to bed earlier and later. she doesn’t nap and on the rare occasion she does nap she doesn’t sleep at all at night. i just want to cry

My boy was a great sleeper. 7pm-6:30am. Then all of a sudden he would wake at 1-2am and be up for the day. Would not go back to sleep until 7pm…he is 3 as well. Level 3. I was going crazy too because he’s a twin. And I also have a 1.5 year old. We actually found that a very low dose of melatonin helped he stay asleep through the night. It’s worth a try? Not sure where you are. But we ordered the zarbees melatonin drops cause he won’t eat the gummies. I put it in a muffin or his sippy cup at bedtime. Our pediatrician said start with this before we look at other prescription medications. I would say worth a try. And to my knowledge it’s not something you can become addicted too. Your body just might become immune to it., We had this issue as well, it went on for 8 months and it was hell. I would give the melatonin a try. It didn’t work for us - it would help my daughter fall asleep but not stay asleep. Her pediatrician ended up putting her on a rx sleep medicine which has restored her sleep and my sanity. I would recommend going this route if this continues. Sleep is so important for everyone. Hang in there., My be worth checking with a different Doctor. Mine told me to get melatonin, saying she might become dependent on it is like saying you’re dependent on a dark room for sleep. Also look into getting into a b12 in the morning, magnesium citrate before bed time vitamin routine and then alternate melatonin every other day., Our ASD 3 almost 3 year old had terrible sleep. We got him a Cubby Bed Pro and use 1MG Melatonin a night per Pediatrician and he sleeps 10-12 hours a night. May toss or turn a little but no night time meltdowns. Recommend trying it out for 2 weeks and make a basic judgement., Best thing is cutting out all sugars, i would but she’s also an extremely picky eater. she only eats about 5 things and 3 out of those are sugar. we’re currently on the waitlist for therapy to help with this, I totally get it my kids are the same and the times they don’t have sugar it’s like they are someone else but also so hard to make them stop and the complaining makes me want to run away I hope things get better for us soon because i think if I got good sleep I wouldn’t mind any other issue my sleep has been so bad for 6 years so you are not alone😓, My boy was a great sleeper. 7pm-6:30am. Then all of a sudden he would wake at 1-2am and be up for the day. Would not go back to sleep until 7pm…he is 3 as well. Level 3. I was going crazy too because he’s a twin. And I also have a 1.5 year old. We actually found that a very low dose of melatonin helped he stay asleep through the night. It’s worth a try? Not sure where you are. But we ordered the zarbees melatonin drops cause he won’t eat the gummies. I put it in a muffin or his sippy cup at bedtime. Our pediatrician said start with this before we look at other prescription medications. I would say worth a try. And to my knowledge it’s not something you can become addicted too. Your body just might become immune to it., We had this issue as well, it went on for 8 months and it was hell. I would give the melatonin a try. It didn’t work for us - it would help my daughter fall asleep but not stay asleep. Her pediatrician ended up putting her on a rx sleep medicine which has restored her sleep and my sanity. I would recommend going this route if this continues. Sleep is so important for everyone. Hang in there., My be worth checking with a different Doctor. Mine told me to get melatonin, saying she might become dependent on it is like saying you’re dependent on a dark room for sleep. Also look into getting into a b12 in the morning, magnesium citrate before bed time vitamin routine and then alternate melatonin every other day., Our ASD 3 almost 3 year old had terrible sleep. We got him a Cubby Bed Pro and use 1MG Melatonin a night per Pediatrician and he sleeps 10-12 hours a night. May toss or turn a little but no night time meltdowns. Recommend trying it out for 2 weeks and make a basic judgement., Best thing is cutting out all sugars, i would but she’s also an extremely picky eater. she only eats about 5 things and 3 out of those are sugar. we’re currently on the waitlist for therapy to help with this, I totally get it my kids are the same and the times they don’t have sugar it’s like they are someone else but also so hard to make them stop and the complaining makes me want to run away I hope things get better for us soon because i think if I got good sleep I wouldn’t mind any other issue my sleep has been so bad for 6 years so you are not alone😓, My boy was a great sleeper. 7pm-6:30am. Then all of a sudden he would wake at 1-2am and be up for the day. Would not go back to sleep until 7pm…he is 3 as well. Level 3. I was going crazy too because he’s a twin. And I also have a 1.5 year old. We actually found that a very low dose of melatonin helped he stay asleep through the night. It’s worth a try? Not sure where you are. But we ordered the zarbees melatonin drops cause he won’t eat the gummies. I put it in a muffin or his sippy cup at bedtime. Our pediatrician said start with this before we look at other prescription medications. I would say worth a try. And to my knowledge it’s not something you can become addicted too. Your body just might become immune to it., We had this issue as well, it went on for 8 months and it was hell. I would give the melatonin a try. It didn’t work for us - it would help my daughter fall asleep but not stay asleep. Her pediatrician ended up putting her on a rx sleep medicine which has restored her sleep and my sanity. I would recommend going this route if this continues. Sleep is so important for everyone. Hang in there., My be worth checking with a different Doctor. Mine told me to get melatonin, saying she might become dependent on it is like saying you’re dependent on a dark room for sleep. Also look into getting into a b12 in the morning, magnesium citrate before bed time vitamin routine and then alternate melatonin every other day., Our ASD 3 almost 3 year old had terrible sleep. We got him a Cubby Bed Pro and use 1MG Melatonin a night per Pediatrician and he sleeps 10-12 hours a night. May toss or turn a little but no night time meltdowns. Recommend trying it out for 2 weeks and make a basic judgement., Best thing is cutting out all sugars, i would but she’s also an extremely picky eater. she only eats about 5 things and 3 out of those are sugar. we’re currently on the waitlist for therapy to help with this, I totally get it my kids are the same and the times they don’t have sugar it’s like they are someone else but also so hard to make them stop and the complaining makes me want to run away I hope things get better for us soon because i think if I got good sleep I wouldn’t mind any other issue my sleep has been so bad for 6 years so you are not alone😓, My boy was a great sleeper. 7pm-6:30am. Then all of a sudden he would wake at 1-2am and be up for the day. Would not go back to sleep until 7pm…he is 3 as well. Level 3. I was going crazy too because he’s a twin. And I also have a 1.5 year old. We actually found that a very low dose of melatonin helped he stay asleep through the night. It’s worth a try? Not sure where you are. But we ordered the zarbees melatonin drops cause he won’t eat the gummies. I put it in a muffin or his sippy cup at bedtime. Our pediatrician said start with this before we look at other prescription medications. I would say worth a try. And to my knowledge it’s not something you can become addicted too. Your body just might become immune to it., We had this issue as well, it went on for 8 months and it was hell. I would give the melatonin a try. It didn’t work for us - it would help my daughter fall asleep but not stay asleep. Her pediatrician ended up putting her on a rx sleep medicine which has restored her sleep and my sanity. I would recommend going this route if this continues. Sleep is so important for everyone. Hang in there., My be worth checking with a different Doctor. Mine told me to get melatonin, saying she might become dependent on it is like saying you’re dependent on a dark room for sleep. Also look into getting into a b12 in the morning, magnesium citrate before bed time vitamin routine and then alternate melatonin every other day., Our ASD 3 almost 3 year old had terrible sleep. We got him a Cubby Bed Pro and use 1MG Melatonin a night per Pediatrician and he sleeps 10-12 hours a night. May toss or turn a little but no night time meltdowns. Recommend trying it out for 2 weeks and make a basic judgement., Best thing is cutting out all sugars, i would but she’s also an extremely picky eater. she only eats about 5 things and 3 out of those are sugar. we’re currently on the waitlist for therapy to help with this, I totally get it my kids are the same and the times they don’t have sugar it’s like they are someone else but also so hard to make them stop and the complaining makes me want to run away I hope things get better for us soon because i think if I got good sleep I wouldn’t mind any other issue my sleep has been so bad for 6 years so you are not alone😓

why does my mom get upset when i tell her she hurt my feelings or am too overwhelmed to discuss? (Daughter with ASS)

I know this is a page mainly for autistic parenting and parents who have autistic children to post, even if my theme may doesn’t directly relate to this forum, i thought it might be the most fitting one to ask: So hi, i‘m an autistic girl living alone with her mom. I am in my late teens and only recently been diagnosed. (My mom told me she kind of knew all along anyways) So there have been a few things before my diagnosis that i‘ve been scared to tell her, because it wasn‘t normal that i sometimes can‘t stand a hug or that i am just not being able to talk about overwhelming things etc. Especially in stressful situations or days where i generally felt overwhelmed. And i felt i would hurt her feelings if i told her. But after my diagnosis i looked at it with my therapist and we figured out ways to tell her how i feel and how i can communicate my feelings soft, which i did. But everytime i try to tell her „hey this is really hard for me right now, can we move this conversation to a later time“ or similar stuff, she always replies with things like „well its hard for me too but you just need to bite through it once in a while, oh for me it‘s also not easy and i need to hold back a lot in order to make you feel comfortable“ and she always directs my feelings away and focuses on her own instead, which makes me feel invalidated and guilty because she gets really upset after. And when i tell her that it makes me feel that way, she tells me „you should know me well enough to know i wouldn‘t say that on purpose“ or „you should know i don‘t mean it like that“ and gets offended. But thats the thing, i don‘t. In these situations i get hurt because i am not capable of automatically thinking; oh this isnt what she meant. I am just hurt. I do have high functioning autism and am in my late teens so sometimes i don‘t know if i really am just being overdramatic and should be able to handle it, but i try everything to communicate it as nice as possible to her, in the end i still always end up with me feeling guilty and even more overwhelmed and her really upset and sad and in the end nothing gets resolved unless i apologize. Sorry for the long text and any advice would be appreciated. (PS: i wanted to add that she is not a bad mom and understands me in my autism, i know that it can be very stressful for her to handle everything as a single mom and i love her a lot! Other than this conflict we have a good relationship. I just feel like this single part of our relationship is making us drift appart)

Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. , Autism and adhd have a strong heritablity basis. This means that many people who are diagnosed with neurodiveristy have unevaluated parents, and those unevaluated parents *arent* working on their symptoms becuase they *arent diagnosed*. This does not mean they are symptom free. I am explicitly not diagnosing your mom, but you've described some autism symptoms in her too just now. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have these conversations, but it does mean that there is a strong chance you BOTH aren't capable of automatically understanding what the other feels. It would explain the disconnect. The way to deal with this is to read more about alexithymia and more about working with people with autism, and to ask a LOT more questions. It also means you also may need to apply the same best practices for dealing with autism to your mom, as you are asking for her to do for you to help with communication, To me it doesn't sound like your mom is really hearing or accepting where you're coming from. She sounds like she's being defensive when you tell her how you feel or what you need. It sounds like she might be resentful or frustrated, too. Telling you she always holds back etc, why can't you... honestly sounds like she needs therapy too. There isn't much else you can do. You're in therapy and trying. Please don't feel guilty for having your needs and limits. Even non autistic people have specific needs for space or communication. This isn't your fault. You sound like you have a lot of self awareness and sensitivity, which is wonderful! Maybe your mom struggles with that stuff. I hope she will get help, too, and not place the burden for the communication issues on you. 

“Potty training” issues & food in a 5 year old boy

Lost his mum at 3 years old to cancer. Has been in the care of family. Originally psychologist said he was having regressions with food & toileting due to such a major change and losing his primary caregiver (sees his dad irregularly). However he is still really struggling with using the toilet. He has no troubles doing a wee but sitting and doing a #2 he struggles with. I can see there is a heap of anxiety surrounding it. He also struggles to get his poops out as he doesn’t eat much variety (only likes bread, toast, noodles & nuggets) not much fibre. Refuses to try new foods. Slowly get him to eat different foods but it never sticks. Waiting on him to start 2 days at preschool prior to kindergarten next year. However because he is in nappies they are putting him in a junior class with other kids in nappies. He is very smart for his age and communication is good. He sees a speech path on a weekly basis. And soon to see an OT. Not wanting him to not be getting what he needs socially with kids who are much younger, or will he be fine? I am his biggest advocate so want him engaging with kids near his age. We haven’t received a formal diagnosis as our wait list for paediatricians rural country is very long. However his current heath profresionals think this is the case. Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated.

I would ask the pediatrician about stool softeners. If pooping is causing him pain due to constipation that may be why he avoids pooping. Also I would start the Child Find / IEP process through the public school system., We refer to miralax as “the medicine that makes poop not hurt” and it is administered in chocolate milk. , I would ask the pediatrician about stool softeners. If pooping is causing him pain due to constipation that may be why he avoids pooping. Also I would start the Child Find / IEP process through the public school system., We refer to miralax as “the medicine that makes poop not hurt” and it is administered in chocolate milk. , I would ask the pediatrician about stool softeners. If pooping is causing him pain due to constipation that may be why he avoids pooping. Also I would start the Child Find / IEP process through the public school system., We refer to miralax as “the medicine that makes poop not hurt” and it is administered in chocolate milk. , I would ask the pediatrician about stool softeners. If pooping is causing him pain due to constipation that may be why he avoids pooping. Also I would start the Child Find / IEP process through the public school system., We refer to miralax as “the medicine that makes poop not hurt” and it is administered in chocolate milk. 

𝑠𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑙 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 "𝑙𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑙 3" 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠

* full disclosure. Not my child * Also. I'm on mobile. So please forgive my format. Sooo, basically what the title says. I'm going to try to keep this short & as detailed & as necessary as possible...this situation feels urgent as school resumes here in less than 2wks! My friends child has been going to school A for 5yrs. He doesn't do well with change, especially when it's spur of the moment. He's non- verbal & communicating in general can be difficult for him. So a couple of days ago she's ( the mother) goes to the school to check out the classroom roster ( this is purely for activities. Basically he joins a classroom for art, gym etc once a week. The rest of time he sticks to a classroom with the same teachers he's been with for years) despite him only being in/with the "homeroom" for once a week for activities only, he has still always been on a homeroom list just like everyone else. So.... momma gets to the school & to her surprise the kiddo isn't on any of the listed homerooms for his grade. She starts asking questions & thats when she finds out ...." we have implemented a new program & the class sizes were too big. So ___ has been move to another district with more space." Excuse me? What? The mother wasn't even notified of the change let alone was this even discussed with her. When asked why him, she was told they went my home address to figure out which kids should be moved! Wtf ? That process is fine when you're dealing with children without exceptional needs. That process is ridiculous when dealing with children with different abilities & it's especially FKed up when you're dealing with a child with high function autism!! I can not believe they didn't take into consideration the individual children's needs & diagnosis. That they didn't consider that this would affect some of the children worse than others. Any sudden changes like this will cause ___ to majorly regress! I'm so upset rn & my friend had been crying for days. So far everyone she speaks to tells her " there's nothing I can do. 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 already made the decision & it's too late to change anything now." That sounds like bs to me. Who ever made this decision is obviously not considering the best interests of the kids & I feel like they violated the parents rights by not seeking their approval...? I mean when my kod was in speech therapy they weren't allowed to make any changes without discussing it me with me first & I had to sigh off on it. So how could they do this to them !? BTW did I mention this only affects special edu... Her other child is still enrolled at school A. so now she's expected to get her children, eho are both in elementary school, to schools to different districts. P.s. she's always provided the transportation. So this is NOT a bussing issue either. We need help. Give me your advice so i can pass it along to her. How can she stop this from happening? Who should she speak to?

The first step is for your friend to familiarize herself with IDEA and any state special education laws. Second, consider an advocate. The Arc provides advocacy for free. Third - this is likely going to be difficult to fight. It probably wouldn't constitute a change of services, placement* or identification, which usually require prior written notice. An advocate can advise you better on that. * A district change is not necessarily a placement change, UNLESS the classrooms are different. A move from a self-contained class to a general Ed one, for example. If you have concrete evidence that this is only affecting special education students, you arguably have an OCR (Office of Civil Rights) complaint, but that's likely to be a very lengthy process. There probably isn't much to fight this. Her best bet is probably trying to get her other child into the other district, if they allow open enrollment. It's possible she could have a state complaint on the grounds of not giving prior written notice, but almost half of states are crap at following IDEA with little enforcement. It's likely she'd file a complaint and it'll end up going no where for her. Approaching the Board of Education to discuss her concerns might be the best option she has for exacting actual change, especially if she can gather other affected families., Welcome to public school, This is unfortunately the reality with the staff shortages. I work in education and have a child in the same situation. He had to move schools this year because they moved the whole preK and K special needs program to another school. I’m not pleased about it, but there’s nothing I can do. It’ll be a tough adjustment but give it a couple weeks and he will be okay., This is unfortunately a reality with special education. Due to staffing and the fact that you could have one school that has 4 autistic kids and one school that has 15, kids end up sometimes getting moved to create the right class size with the right teacher. And it’s very common with autistic kids to struggle with change, so it’s likely an issue no matter which kids get moved. My son will soon start special ed kindergarten at our local public school. We were first told that they wanted to put him into 1st grade because we held him back so he’s older, when we fought that with an advocate they finally admitted that the kindergarten class was already over the max number of kids but said they would put him on the roster for kindergarten. They said some of the kids in the class would have to be sent elsewhere, but in those cases they give priority to the kids who are zoned for the school. They have to pick an objective way to choose like the address— if they say “this kid or family would be more upset by being moved” that would look like they were playing favorites as every kid and family likely has an issue with being moved. I anticipate it being really tough for my son to be in a new huge school and it will help him a lot if he sees his brother on the playground daily and his sister in the hall, and of course as parents we want them all in one school. We asked our advocate what we could do if they sent him elsewhere, and she said if they sent our son away and kept other kids in the class who weren’t zoned for the school we could fight it, but if all we have is just “I think he needs to be here more than the other kids do” that’s not an argument., I would move up the ranks of the special education department and demand that the child be allowed to stay at the school their sibling attends, which makes sense, plus it would be a huge hardship for them to readjust to a new school., Thank you for taking the time to respond with such thoughtful advice. Seriously. So many ppl irl have responded , " what's the big deal? __ will adjust. This will be good for him." No. No. It won't be good for him. Changes in people, places & things can be very traumatic for him, especially if he is not eased into it. A change like this takes months of practice, preparation & trial. If the school had actually reached out to the parents, they would know this &&& they would know that there has been a lot of changes this summer & in short he's already been having a hard time bc of that. A change like this alone would be painful, but couple it with everything that's been going on lately...it's going to be even worse. I'll have to get with her to see what concrete evidence she has, but what she relayed to me was, " we have seen a major increase in the number of students needing IEP. We've re- accessed & had to make changes to be able to accommodate everyone. Unfortunately, we just don't have the space at [schoolA]. we don't have the staff or enough specialized/ certified teachers. So we have to spread the students around. [Your child] was chosen to be relocated, bc the home address listed for him is not in our district. So basically they didn't know how to determine which kids stayed at schoolA & which kids will be relocated. So apparently someone settled with, "let's base it on address" ( which is crazy. Every decision, especially in SPED should be based on the child's best interests, their IEP... right?) BTW a couple years ago, our county decided to do away with automatically assigning kids to schools in their districts. Any kid. Regardless of their home address may attend any school in any district Soo it seems odd they decided to use addresses as a factor to determine which sped kids should be relocated. I understand that they've ran out of room to be able to accommodate everyone, but to me, it seems wrong to kick out established students to make room for new ones.... & whyyy base it off address when that's not even thing here anymore??? WHY disrupt these kids?? __ has been going to schoolA since preschool. He's comfortable there & after all of these years (5) he has finally adjusted. Last year was the first year [ mother] didn't have to park & walk her kiddo to class! __ had finally gotten to the point that he was comfortable enough, confident enough & familiar enough that he could get himself out of the car, enter the school & walk to class ALL BY HIMSELF! ❤️ He's made so much progress, reached so many goals & this is going to rock his world. What they are doing is NOT in his best interests at all. It's the exact opposite. We're so worried about him & it appears like no one there cares. I'm not even sure they reached out to his teacher before making this decision. If they did I know she would have advised them against doing this. Anyway.. Thanks again. I'll pass on the info & suggestions