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12738oj

aita for rolling my eyes at a family hiding from my service dog

i 31f have autism and to say i have processing or sensory overload issues is an understatement. i have learned to “mask” pretty well, i still have my moments, but overall you would not know unless getting to know me in private after some months. i am at a county fair that is currently quiet due to light rain. at an indoor expo i was walking with my service dog, that i got from an ada compliant service center, wears a clear vest indicating he’s a service dog and for autism. he’s an english cream golden retriever. i walk by this mom & dad with a daughter (maybe 13) and their son (maybe 11-14), and they run their family behind a bookshelf away from my dog, i was across this walkway from them so not close at all and of course my service dog was minding his own business. i understand not everyone likes dogs or understands there’s a clear difference between a pet and service dog, to each their own. i really could care less if someone likes dogs or not, and honestly wish people would not approach me as much asking to pet my service dog. i roll my eyes because this behavior was so aggressive other than just quietly hiding or moving even further away, and their behavior caused people to stare at me; which made me incredibly anxious (near a meltdown). i mean this family was acting like i was a mass murderer. i don’t say anything under my breath or make any passive aggressive hand motions; just a to myself eye roll. the father starts shouting at me across the way that my dog shouldn’t be there frightening his family. and here’s the kicker… he shouts that his son is autistic. here’s where i’m maybe the ah- i shout “so am i”, and point to the “autism dog” sign on my service dog’s vest. i know how hard it is to be young & autistic and it’s not my place to say how people parent. but this father was making my disability significantly more difficult to manage. maybe i should’ve kept quiet and walked away but if someone was shouting at their son i’m sure they would’ve done worse than i did, given their behavior over a silent eye roll. aita, i don’t really know what societal norms are in these situations?

nta

nta. i'm also autistic and had a service dog as a child. if the child is afraid of dogs to that degree, then the child needs a special assistant to help them cope with that portion of life. it's great that the parents take their child in public, but the child still needs to behave to a certain level of appropriateness in public.

nta. look i have a brother with autism who is terrified of dogs, like he full screams and tries to run aways so that is why we only take him to indoor places to avoid dogs and when we see one indoors is upsetting. that being said, i probably wouldn’t yell the person with dog to take it away but you have to be aware that there are other people with the same disability that are scared of dogs and that will also bring attention to you.

12739dx

aita for not saying thank you all the time?

i, 34m, have been with my gf, 30f, for 4 years. we’ve lived together for 3 of those years. when we first got together i was very open with her about my financial struggles. i was 60k in debt when we got together. my girlfriend is very organized and type a and she helped me budget and gave me some advice on how to get out of debt, and she also helped support me financially while i transitioned careers to a better line of work. she also got me out of a car lease that was really expensive and we’ve been sharing her beater car for about a year now, but that’s allowed me to pay off my credit cards. i undeniably appreciate all of what she’s done for me. however, every few months, always around her time of the month (not trying to be sexist, she even admits it’s a period thing for her), she starts weeping at me that i don’t appreciate all that she does. she’ll then start to bring up how she does all the dishes and the laundry and she paid my half of rent 6 months in a row last year, and she’ll say that i don’t say thank you or i love you or show appreciation enough. this got me really triggered today and i told her i hate how she holds these things over my head and i know she acts like it’s out of the goodness of her heart, but i know that she’s a really competitive person and that she’s doing this to keep score. this made her freak out more and she told me she just wished i would give her a big thank you unprompted once in a while. i told her i do thank her and she said it’s only when she’s crying and angry and begging for a thank you. she then went on to say that she thought once i got out of debt i would propose and that it bothers her i haven’t spoken to her about the future since she put in all this work to help set mine up better and i told her how i hate that this is all transactional and i’ll save up to pay her back the rent money from last year. she’s still mad at me and says she just wishes i would thank her more often. she said a card or flowers not on a holiday would be nice. aita here? i hate feeling indebted but i have also deeply needed her help and i do love and appreciate her… i just hate when she gets emotional like this. it makes me question everything.

yta

oh wowww. she is doing far too much for someone who clearly doesn’t appreciate it as much as you should. think about it this way, if your partner had love languages that didn’t align with how you’d normally express your love, you (should) would probably change your ways to make your person feel loved how they like to feel loved. this is the same thing. what she is asking for is not a difficult ask. everytime she does something to help you, *everytime*, you need to do something to say thank you. not just “thanks babe”, go buy her flowers, leave a note on her bedside table telling her how much you appreciate her, how she’s changed your life for the better (because she *has changed your life for the better*). do something to make *her* life easier for once. let her come home to a spotless house, wash and fold all the laundry, make or order her favourite meal for dinner. make an *effort*. this is someone’s dream girl. she is a *wife* who is dating a *boyfriend*. you need to step up your game or she is going to leave, and she *should*. yta.

yta time to actually show gratitude by doing things around the house. you are taking her for granted! start repaying all the money she lent you and start doing 50/50 around the house. clean up after yourself! she is feeling taken advantage of because you are taking advantage!

1273hbl

wibta for not going to my daughter's sister's wedding?

my daughter's mother has another daughter, my daughter's half sister. for simplicity's sake i will call her barbara. i will call my daughter lily. i will refer to their mom as gloria. now i recently received and invitation to barbara's wedding. i found this sort of odd as i have not had any contact with her in years. i'm also not a fan of weddings. i basically only attend them if they are for a close friend or family member. so i sent back the electronic rsvp declining the invite. a few days later i get a message from my gloria saying that barbara was crushed that i declined the invite. gloria said that barbara was trying to extend an olive branch and bury the hatchet. barbara had hoped that i would be there to walk her down the aisle like any dad is supposed to. after reading this message i was immediately confused because i didn't know what the fuck she is talking about. what does she mean bury the hatchet? more importantly what does she mean by referring to me as her dad. just to be clear i have never considered barbara to be my child. i have never taken a parental role in her life. sure, i was around a lot while she was growing up because i wanted to be as involved in my daughter's life as possible and sometimes i included barbara when taking lily out just to be nice. that really was the extent of it. i'm not sure how that translates to me being her dad. especially since i would only have my lily overnight half the week and only take lily on vacations and to visit my family. i only took an active role in parenting lily. i didn't know how to respond to gloria, so i talked to lily about it to try and get some insight. lily explained how years ago barbara made a comment about her being the golden child in front of me. it was supposed to be some sort of dig at me favoring lily. this must have flew over my head as i don't remember it and frankly why would i think it had anything to do with me. but lily said barbara thought i was really upset at her because of what she said and that's why i stopped coming around. reality is that was around the time that lily went to college. so without lily being there i really had no reason to go over to gloria's anymore. lily said she hadn't said anything about it to me because the whole situation weirded her out and she didn't want to become more involved. so i finally replied back to gloria and told her that this was all a big misunderstanding. gloria said even if it was (she doesn't think it was she still thinks i just abandoned barbara after having been around her whole life) i should try to understand how it has caused barbara so much pain over the years, how hard it was for her to forgive me, and how it would really be great if i could just show up so she doesn't continue to feel unwanted and can finally get closure. but given all this information i feel far less inclined to go to the wedding than i did before. like lily i think the whole thing is weird and i'd rather not become more involved either.

nta

nta but gloria sure is. why would she allow barbara to think you’re her father? it seems pretty cut and dry that you didn’t have a parental role.

gloria has no problem with barbara's perception of op as her dad. gloria talks of barbara seeing op as being "around for her whole life" when barbara's bio dad has been awol. barbara buys into the "father of my sister must be my father too" enough to compare treatment as if lily is op's favored child instead of being his \_only\_ child. this seems to be quite a fantasy web they've woven. it's out there enough that lily was weirded out by it and op missed the story altogether. nta, op. it's a sad story and i hope that barbara gets some help to work through what's real and what's not. this is a child who was so desperate to have two parents that she invented one. gloria is likely to be of little help in returning barbara to a reality based perspective. barbara seems to have been used by gloria to invent a connection to her ex beyond the child they produced together.

1273v6u

aita for calling my baby patients monkeys as a term of endearment/pet name?

i’m a nicu nurse and i was assigned to 2 babies the other day- one was a black baby girl who we’ll call “b” and my other patient was not black. b’s mom came to visit and i helped set her up to hold and feed her and answered her questions. b did really well and improved over the course of the shift and i went home, no issues. yesterday, my manager pulled me aside and told me that b’s mom had requested not to have me as her nurse again because she overheard me refer to the babies as my little monkeys the day i cared for b. i was obviously mortified. i didn’t even remember saying it or what context i said it in (maybe chunky monkeys as both my babies were feeding much better on my shift than they had the previous shift). i carelessly assign pet names and terms of endearment to my assigned babies… baby bears, peanuts, nuggets, sugar pies, etc. i know that i didn’t intend it in a racially derogatory way, but it hurts my heart that i caused a parent discomfort and/or distrust in my care 😔 i’m not ignorant to the racial history behind the reference and i’m typically careful with how i choose my words. i also know that black women in healthcare experience more trauma and adverse outcomes, so i don’t hold it against b’s mom at all for expressing concern. so aita for using pet names so casually? i’ll definitely stop using monkey, but should i drop the terms of endearment all together? i don’t want parents to think i’m cold or not caring either. i love the parents and babies and i want to be more considerate going forward.

nah

nah because it wasn't intentional, but you should really know better than to refer to black people as monkeys. i suggest removing that from your vocabulary, at least when referring to humans. the parents are also valid in being made uncomfortable by the statement. you wbta if you doubled-down and reasserted your right to do so.

nah. i get that it hadn’t occurred to you and that you are genuine in that regard. you seem genuinely mortified and demonstrated immediate steps to change that. to me, asshole requires intent or a reckless disregard for others.

1273w6g

aita for telling my chinese grandmother to stop being racist towards my japanese girlfriend?

i've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year now, and things are going great. no one in my family has an issue with her, except my grandmother. my grandmother actually was super friendly with her before she found out she was japanese. ​ but when my grandmother found out my girlfriend was japanese, she totally changed her attitude. whenever my girlfriend is in the same room, my grandmother will start scowling at her and mumbling to herself. my grandmother only speaks chinese so she's never really spoken directly to my girlfriend, but it's super clear from body language that my grandmother hates her. ​ obviously my girlfriend was super uncomfortable so i decided to confront my grandmother, telling her that her behavior towards my girlfriend was unacceptable and just flat out racist. my grandmother didn't take it very well, and my mom later said that she found my grandmother in her room just crying. in my grandmother's eyes, me standing up for my girlfriend, a japanese person, was a personal betrayal. ​ my mom is pretty mad at me for this, since in her eyes, my grandmother is old and not going to change her ways. in my mom's eyes, we should just let my grandmother live out the rest of her life in peace. according to her, some traumas and prejudices just can't be healed and it was inconsiderate of me to directly confront her dislike of japanese people. ​ for some background, my grandmother was alive during world war 2 and lived in the outskirts of nanjing, under the occupation of japan, where the infamous nanjing massacre happened. she never spoke about the war, even when prompted. i remember one time in middle school, we were supposed to interview someone about ww2 and when i tried asking my grandmother, she refused to speak, and she actually started tearing up. so clearly, the war even after all these years has left some trauma on her. all we really know about my grandmother's wartime experience was that she lived in nanjing during the war and her sister died in the nanjing massacre. ​ but at the same time, she was being directly rude towards my girlfriend. every other time we let her comments and attitude towards japanese people slide because it wasn't affecting anyone, but this time it was directed towards my girlfriend. and also, while i totally understand that my grandmother likely has trauma from the war, it's not like my girlfriend was the one committing war crimes. it's a sucky situation, but i also want my girlfriend to feel welcome. i'd understand my grandmother's hatred of my girlfriend's ancestors or something, but not her. ​ tl;dr my chinese grandmother hates my japanese girlfriend because of war trauma

nah

nah i honestly can't even imagine what your grandma went through during those year. and unlike germany, japan hasn't formally apologized for nanjing or 731. while i think your grandma's actions towards your gf aren't justified, i don't think there's anything you (or your girlfriend) can say that'll change her mind. sorry

nah. it is unfair of your grandmother to hold the war crimes committed against her community and herself against your girlfriend but it is understandable that your girlfriend’s presence is something your grandmother can’t handle. we are talking mass murder, mass torture, and mass rape. it would be best if you kept your girlfriend away from your grandmother as much as possible. tell your grandmother that you understand her pain and recognise this is triggering, but that when their shared presence cannot be helped that you expect her to refrain from mistreating or being aggressive towards your girlfriend. validate your grandmother’s hardship though, this is a continuing pain for her.

12744sa

aitah for not attending my brother's wedding?

throwaway. my (24m) brother (37m) is getting remarried in may. my brother and i have not gotten along well pretty much ever, but i have attended the last 2 for various reasons (being a minor who had no choice, family pressure, etc.). my brother is a very judgemental, and sometimes outright cruel, person. i'm leaning towards not attending his upcoming wedding as i'm now an adult and have a choice in the matter, and i no longer feel obligated to. the rest of my family is angry with me right now (as they're blowing up my phone). i need an outside perspective on this because i don't feel like going to a wedding is obligatory or my presence is even necessary, as my brother is not fond of me either. so, reddit, aitah for not wanting to attend my brother's upcoming wedding?" eta: i messed up the title, it's meant to be "aitah for not wanting to attend my brother's wedding" and yes, this is the third time he's getting married, i may have been a little vague in the original post. eta 2: grammar eta 3: a lot of people are wondering exactly why i don't like him. to be more specific, he has been openly homophobic (i'm not gay, but i am an ally) and has extreme prejudice against certain groups of people (people with depression, physical disability (which my current girlfriend has), and to an extent people of other races). this prejudice has gotten to the point of calling my girlfriend derogatory terms and honestly, i just don't want to put up with his crap anymore.

nta

if you don't go you save him money and save you from having to be there. nta eta: tell him you'll attend the next one.

nta. you don't like him, he doesn't like you, no love lost here. but i guess family thinks it's your "duty" to attend. tell 'em, "maybe i'll catch the next one."

12747p8

aita for being unmoved by my wife’s worriedness?

my (24) wife (26) often gets scared of small fires and amphibians. we live in southern georgia and there’s a huge population of frogs and lizards around our neighborhood and always a barbecue of some kind with smoke in visual range. my wife once again voiced her concerns about a frog being outside our home and proceeded to say she didn’t want to see it. i stoically said “then don’t look at it” almost instinctually, and that promptly agitated her.

nta

nta but the probably should be a conversation because...its the south. there gonna be frogs and fire.

nta its like that scene from barnyard where the cows sneak around, startling the woman, while the man just says "its a cow farm, youre gonna see cows!"

1274d8c

aita for wanting to wear a black dress to a wedding?

my (32f) boyfriend's (36m) sister (35f) is getting married soon. i have always dressed alternatively and have worn all black to multiple weddings with no issue. i found a beautiful replica of the prom dress wednesday addams wears in the show and i asked the bride to be if she was okay with me wearing it. it is a small wedding so i also didn't want to "over dress" she was over the moon with the idea and super excited about it and gushed about how it was perfect for me. my bf knew how excited i was for it and when the dress came in i immediately tried it on and showed it to him. he then informed me his coworker told him it was bad luck to wear black to a wedding and he said i needed to reconsider. i told him i'd never heard of that before but that i would double check with his sister. he then told me no, that no matter what i was not wearing it and that i should just return it. i told him he was being a little ridiculous over a wives tale and how would he feel when i choose to wear a black wedding dress? he told me he didn't care if that's what i wanted but he just cared that i'd give people at the wedding who might think wearing black is bad luck the wrong impression. i messaged his sister and she'd never heard of it either and had no issues at all but that she's leaving it between me and my bf (understandable). my bf went off about how bad it is because one lady in her mid 60's said it was bad. i still want to wear the dress but i also don't want to piss him off. so aita if i still wear it despite him telling me i couldn't?

nta

**nta** \- if the bride is ok, then you are ok.

nta. this is the dumbest fucking thing i’ve ever heard. seriously. every time i go to a wedding the majority of women are wearing black, including myself. because the little black dress is a classic for all occasions. your boyfriend is the ah and there are major 🚩🚩🚩🚩here they way he acted.

1274jfz

wibta if i don’t make it to see my dad in the hospital before he goes home?

my dad was admitted to the hospital last week to undergo the final treatment for his cancer, and it requires a 3 week hospital stay. he will go home at the end of the three weeks. my mom is also staying at a hotel next to the hospital and works remotely from his hospital room every day. i text both of them constantly throughout the day, i communicate with our “information chain” to make sure family and friends know what’s happening, and facetime whenever my dad is up to it. i’m trying really hard to make him feel supported despite being 2.5hrs away and rather helpless. my dad really wants my siblings and i to go visit him while he is there but i’m finding out there are very specific days and times that are ok for me to visit and i’m having a hard time making it work. 1) kids aren’t allowed to visit. 2) only one visitor is allowed at a time and my mom is with him all day and won’t leave until 6pm. she brings her computer there at 8am and says she can’t log off until the end of her work day to go back to the room. at that point my dad is usually exhausted and doesn’t want visitors. my original plan was to have my mil, who lives close, take my toddlers to the museum in the morning while i visited with my parents but that won’t work with my mom working remotely from the room. 3) i have therapy appointments 2 evenings a week that i can’t reschedule and i have to pay for if i miss. i also do a class once a week in the evening so just overall i really need to go in the morning. 4) i had arranged with my sister to watch my kids so i could go down and visit (this was before i knew my mom was working from the room) and she later decided she was going to go on the day i had been planning because she ended up scheduling an appointment for herself in that area, and my mom agreed to take the afternoon off to watch her kids and now can’t take anymore time off. my dad is starting to get offended that i haven’t been down yet (he’s been there for a week now) and my sister has already been twice. but she’s half the distance away and able to go on the weekends when my mom isn’t working so my mom watches her kids in the hotel room. so, there are only 12 days left before he comes home and while it sounds like quite a few, i just can’t figure out how to get down there to see them in a way that works for everyone. they are kind of saying, inadvertently, that it will only work for me to come on the weekends and i literally can’t because i just started a new job only a month ago and i’m essential staff on the weekends. my husband also took a day off unpaid to drive them down there, so we couldn’t afford for me to take a day off anyway. so wibta if i can’t make it down in the next 12 days?

nta

nta - tell yourself dad why you’re having trouble visiting. maybe if he “gives permission” for your mom to take a day off from the bedside vigil, she’ll create space for you. i call bs on her not being able to relocate halfway through the day, btw. i wonder if this is some theater she is performing for work? and why can’t she use fmla, even if she’s out of paid leave?

nta op. listen, i get it. in my family it is very frowned upon if you don't visit loved ones in hospital. so i understand the family pressure to do so. but your reasons are valid. and tbh your mom being unable/unwilling to accommodate your only windows of opprtunity (i.e. weeday mornings) is the reason you haven't been. in spite of the distance and obligations to your children, you've prepared a plan to visit on a weekday morning but mom is the one that won't vacate the hospital room for you. but your parents probably don't see it that way and expect you to "make it work" around the opportunities they've left open (i.e. weekends - which is a no go for you). so here's a suggestion. face time dad tomorrow and let him know that you've worked out to come by for a visit next tuesday morning (or whatever morning next week does work). tell him that you wish you were able to visit more often but work and other obligations are impossible. tell him you will be there and you are looking forward to seeing him. you don't have to tell your mom what she might do to accommodate you. i would avoid suggesting anything to her about how she might still work while you are in for a visit. she's the one that knows her situation the best. she's a big girl and she can figure it out. this puts the ball in their court. show up as promised. it's going to be one of three options: 1. your mom figures out how to vacate the room so that you can get in for your visist. i mean she can just take her computer into a chair in the hallway or something. idk - and again i wouldn't try to manage that for her. it's her problem to sort that out not yours. your only problem is to show up. 2. the hospital makes an exception and allows the both of you in the room. this isn't out of the question (it happened when visisting my mom for example) but there are a lot of variables that could make it a deal breaker for the particular hospital and you can't control that either. what you do is just walk into his room without asking any hospital people for directions (so you have to know/plan the way to his room in advance). by the time/if a nurse notices the double-visitors you will have managed to achieve the visit (even if it's short). 3. you show up and are stuck just blowing kisses and delivering flowers from the hallway before the nurses shoo you away. do this and then you'll know you've done everything in your power to visit your dad. best wishes to you and your family.

1274q62

aita for 'not allowing' my partner to complain about this burger?

my partner "em" and i ordered burgers from uber eats. em opened her burger to pull out the pickles, and noticed something that we both thought at first was a pubic hair. while taking a photo to send with a complaint, i saw that it didn't look like a hair up close, more like just a fibre that you might get when pulling apart some lettuce. i picked it up and noticed it was soft, and pulled apart easily. so i said "i don't think it's a hair, seems more like just a fibre from the lettuce". em says i can't be sure it's not a hair (correct, i can't be 100% sure without a lab test, but i'm as sure as i can be). i offered to swap burgers, or to share mine if she doesn't want either of us eating it. i said that i understand if she is not comfortable eating it but i don't think we should complain. she said no to the burger swap offers and took her plate, so we sat down to eat. later, em (burger untouched) said she would still like to complain about the food. i said that i'm not comfortable putting that complaint against the restaurant to uber because i don't think it's a hair. i said that i get that we disagree on what it is, and that it's understandable that she wants to make the complaint, just that i don't want to make that complaint myself. now it's tricky because the order was done through my account, so i suggested that she call the restaurant directly. she objected, saying they wouldn't take it seriously without proof of the order, so i said i'd provide whatever she needed - order number etc. this turned into an hour+ conversation about her right to make this complaint. from my perspective, i understand why she wants to complain as she is of the opinion that it is a hair, or something that shouldn't be there. the only thing i'm not comfortable with is making that complaint through my account as i think it's lettuce, therefore i don't want to put in the serious complaint of hair or other foreign object in the food. she pointed out that making that phone call is not as easy for her (anxiety, confrontation etc) - i acknowledged that i overlooked this when making that suggestion, and apologised. she said that i "invalidated her capacity to make a complaint" and that "this behaviour feels controlling". she is now uncomfortable with us placing orders through my account. i'm happy to place our orders through her account in the future, but she is now also concerned about other things - eg, we live together and are both on the lease. i have been the primary contact with our property manager. she says she now needs to be the one doing the communicating, in case she has a complaint that i disagree with at any point (i've never stopped her from communicating with them). i'm struggling to understand the extent of this issue. she is finding it "baffling" that i am "prioritising a business over her". aita? if yes please help me understand as she is super frustrated that i am not getting it.

yta

yta. if your food is not satisfactory then you let the restaurant know. this is the basic concept of quick service. literally every restaurant when getting a complaint about the food will offer to fix it. most will offer some form of compensation for the inconvenience. i don't see why you have a problem here. you don't even seem to have explained to your girlfriend either. you aren't even sure that it wasn't hair. so you do seem to be prioritizing the restaurant's yelp score or your girlfriend. which is weird. i kind of agree with her slightly over the top argument of being the point of contact between the property manager and yourself.

yta seems more like a powerplay in the relationship than anything about the burger. you really had no right to police her comfort or insist she wasn't allowed to complain in the first place. why you persisted in arguing about this for over an hour is beyond me. i get why em did because for her it's a larger relationship issue. but i have no idea why this is so important to you to control.

1274z69

wibta if i didn’t go to my disabled friend’s birthday party?

so, currently i(15f), really don’t wanna go to my friend(15m)’s bday party. for context ig, i’m really outgoing at school and friendly with most of my teachers, so i guess my teachers saw this as a opportunity to help my friend, who has some developmental delays, out by kinda making me tag him along with my friend group and such, and it was cool at first, but i think he has a crush on me because he’s touchy all of the sudden. i’m pretty sure my teachers are pushing him to pursue it too, because whenever i don’t go along with any ‘affectionate’ things he does, i get scolded for it because ‘he just had a crush/he processes things differently, etc etc’ stuff along that. there’s a dance event coming up in my school in april, and i’ve been encouraged to ‘let him ask me out’ for the dance. i’m getting uncomfortable but i don’t wanna offend him or anything or get in trouble if i do. his birthday is coming up, and i don’t really wanna go, but my mom is pushing me to because it would be rude of me not to, so i might just go over to my dad’s place. told a friend or two about my plan, and they said i should just go and stop whining about it. wibta if i didn’t go?

nta

nta the adults in your life shouldn't be pushing you to have a relationship (friends or more) with someone who is making you uncomfortable >i’m pretty sure my teachers are pushing him to pursue it too, because whenever i don’t go along with any ‘affectionate’ things he does, i get scolded for it because ‘he just had a crush/he processes things differently, etc etc’ stuff along that. this worries me greatly as they're teaching you that just because someone is different you should allow them to make you uncomfortable. this is unacceptable especially when it comes to physical touch. i would tell him that you don't see him that way but that youd still like to be friends(if the friends thing is true for you), in as nice a way as you can if you haven't said it already, but if you have said it and he still pushes your boundaries you can and should stay away. if you get reprimanded for setting boundaries talk to an adult you trust to have your back about going to higher ups at the school. it's gross that teachers are pushing this when you're clearly uncomfortable, the tagging you in as a friend is /fine/ if you're cool with it but the tagging you in as a date is not ok.

nta. it's kind of werid and borderline creepy that teachers are encouraging someone to be able to touch you when you're clearly creeped out by it. almost as if they are encouraging them invading your personal space just because they have mental disabilities. i would explain to your mother this person keeps touching you and your just plain creeped out by it and feel like he is invading your personal space.

1274zhb

aita for not bringing my brother to parties due to his hygiene?

situation is this, i m(22) have a little brother m(19) who is interested in coming to parties since a year ago. my main problem is that he has terrible breath, he doesn’t care about washing his teeth and consumes a lot of sugar in the process, he tries everyday to get something else than water he has been very stubborn that why do i don’t bring him to parties but i have seen the actions of his friends and they try to don’t speak face to face or move him far enough to not smell his bad breath, adding to that my main problem is the attitude that he has on the parties, i brought him on halloween to a party and he was annoying with some guests, got drunk and always kept saying that he was the more attractive brother which is not something that i care but it was his only phrase throughout the whole goddamn party i don’t want him to be hurt by some friend of mine and say to him your breath fucking stinks and i sometimes question myself if i’m doing a wrong thing but i have tried to take sugar out of his diet or even said to him to go brush his tooth. none of those actions make his breath go away so that’s why i’m taking big actions to prevent something ugly.

nta

nta. “go to the dentist and sort out your personal hygiene and i’ll bring you to parties. don’t and i won’t.”

nta - you have a kind heart to try and not let him get embarrassed, however, he is not yours to save. he will have to learn at some point to take care of himself. let him stink, don't take him to parties or do....but let him learn on his own. you don't deserve to carry his load at any age. good energy your way.

12750wa

aita exhausted and confused

for the past two years i have been suffering through some health conditions as well as side effects from medication that make me constantly tired. i typically sleep in pretty late on at least one weekend day, we’re talking like 1 pm, and try to get up at a “decent hour” the other weekend day, say 10 or 11 am. my partner and i still spend time together on the weekends, go hiking, go out to eat, complete all of our housework, go grocery shopping, etc. i work full time, and pay half of all household bills, we do live together. sometimes i am so tired after work that i pass out and nap until around 7 or 8 pm. yesterday was one of those days. when my bf woke me up at about 7:30 pm he told me that our relationship is not sustainable and that he might as well be single spending so much time alone while i sleep. he feels like his weekends are wasted waiting for me to wake up. i hate that i am so exhausted all the time, i do not sleep this much by choice, my body simply demands it. he knows this. aita?

nta

nta. my gf has lupus and we go through a similar situation. i know she doesn't always have energy to do a lot of stuff, so i back her up. the fact that you're going through medical condition and taking medications should be an indication to your partner that you need support. maybe try telling them that.

nta. i don’t think you would be the asshole because it’s actually explainable. it’s a medical condition and it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose.

1275688

aita for complaining about a birthday present?

i (f27) recently received an early birthday present from my (m28) husband. he is at work and tells me my present should be getting here soon so keep a look out and go ahead and open it so i can start using it already. the package arrives and i’m super excited. i open the box and it’s a new coffee maker that we have been talking about getting, yay! well i look at the inside box and it’s banged up, has a few holes, and is clearly retaped. these coffee machines are not cheap so i’m annoyed that it got here in poor condition. i let my husband know it looks like maybe it’s been used or just banged up badly in travel and maybe we should call and ask for an exchange before i bother taking it out of the box. he is clearly annoyed (at me for some reason) and tells me just open it. and i explain that i probably shouldn’t just in case they try to give us a hard time about the exchange. he ignores me and says “just open it already”. i’m confused but alright, i do it and my suspicions are confirmed. it has obviously been opened and put back together weirdly, maybe used, and the instruction manual and recipe book is not even in the box. so i call him back and tell him that. he is mad at this point and says it’s a used item from amazon and just to plug it in. i am a bit annoyed at his attitude now and tell him i don’t know how to work it without the instruction manual. he says “okay i’ll return it” and hangs up. i am annoyed still but feel guilty for snapping back at him so i look on the website, find the pdf version of the instructions, set it up, clean the carafe, do a test run, and luckily seems to be in great condition so far. i facetime him and tell him i figured out how to use it, it seems good so far and thank him for the present. about an hour later i text him a screenshot of all the cool recipes so he can get ideas too with a follow up text “can’t wait to make coffee tomorrow morning!” and he responds that he wouldn’t have thought so because i am a spoiled brat. i explain that i didn’t know it was a used item at first and i was annoyed thinking it was mistreated in the shipping process, not mad at him. and he didn’t tell me it was a used item until i was pressing further asking about a potential exchange or return. i would never have been so pushy if i knew it was a used item or where it was from. i just know some companies don’t allow return or exchanges on certain items or if they have been opened so i wanted to be sure. once i found out, i did my research on how to use the machine and was still super excited to use it once seeing it does work. he responds “mmm no you still sound like a spoiled brat”. so idk, aita for complaining about a gift i thought was broken or mistreated?

nta

nta if he was going to get you a used gift he should’ve intercepted the box, set the machine up, and put a bow on it. any reasonable person would point out that something looked damaged from shipping if they weren’t told it was used and the person who ordered it wasn’t there to receive it. if he paid full price and it came in the same condition would you still be a brat or were you supposed to magically know it was used?

nta. you meant well. you didn't know it was used and your husband let his feelings get hurt instead of just explaining to you the box may not be in new condition because it's a used coffeemaker. he perceived your concern about the box as a negative reaction to the gift itself and did *not* handle it appropriately. i would have said n a h except he called you a spoiled brat and stood by it after you explained your very reasonable reaction.

12759cx

aita for asking for 15$/hr to work at the "family business?"

i (m16) am a highschool student, so i did the highschool student thing and picked up a job so i can pay for regular highschool student things. i work for a junkyard and make 15$/hr on the weekends. this may sound pretty high for a highschooler, but i have a larger stature and am capable of preforming certain tasks that other employees are not. my job consists of ~90% hard labor. (i actually have two jobs, but one only works in the summer on an event basis.) my mother promised me if i maintained good grades and turned all of my schoolwork on time she would pay me 100$ each week for gas. (for context, i own a classic car making 10 miles/gallon demanding premium fuel. i have been restoring the car out of my own pocket. also i need a vehicle, as i take additional college classes after hs and have to drive to them) well when i upheld my end of the deal she would fail to pay me and it left me in a shitty spot multiple times, resulting in me running out of fuel in negative degree weather. earlier this month, my mother asked me to work for her at the "family business" i asked her immediately about pay, and she said 10$/hr. i respectfully declined as it made no sense fiscally. she just started her law firm back up after leaving a different firm, so it's not like a long-time family business. she then went on a tirade about me "being ungrateful". i then suggested she hire instead my 16 y/o younger sister, which she laughed off. today my sister came to me bragging that she had gotten a job, and i immediately figured out my mother hired her. i *regretfully* pointed out how i had been offered the job first, and my mother commented something about me being ungrateful. that launched a whole argument about the situation. i am worried that i am being a "spoiled brat" or whatever, but i think that it's good that i am taking an initiative working two jobs to get what i want. aita?

nta

nta. you don’t owe it to your mom to work for her just because she gave birth to you. the decision you made was the better decision for you as you’re making more money. your mom should applaud your decision making and financial wits at such a young age.

nta. you could make $15/hr working at target or something. she doesn't get your labor at below the market rate because your family.

1275ecu

aita for being rude to my mom because she forces her diet on me

throwaway for privacy reasons i (m15) am very skinny (5'5.5 110-115 pounds) this began to spiral when my mom (early 40s, overweight) decided to loose weight when i was around 13, this has been amazing for her and an awesome choice but the way she carries it out is unfitting for the rest of the family. to lose weight she decided to go on a strictly gluten-free diet, now this is fine on its own but the problems arise whenever my dad or her cooks and we are forced to use gluten-free or cook without it. me being skinny, and gluten free alternatives generally just being gross, limited/repetitive makes supporting this "method" very hard. when i entered high school i became very conscious about my weight. as you can imagine, my thoughts became that the low-calorie foods we have been almost made to eat for dinner are a factor in my low weight. due to this on multiple occasions arguments have started between me and her over this topic. more recently we got into a fight, she was going to make the same bland, low-calorie gluten free "pasta" that we must have at least twice a week at this point in time. when i was told she was making this for dinner again i finally decided to talk to her about it. the conversation went something like this: (me) "hey i really want to talk to you about dinner tonight." (mom) "ok? what do we need talk about" (me) "i am not trying to be disrespectful but your dinners are not working for me, i need high calorie foods like bread, etc." (mom) "then make them yourself i am not going to make two separate dinners especially for someone who is ungrateful for my cooking" (me) "ok, can we please go to the store so i can grab some stuff to make it?" (we barely have anything non-gluten-free or high-cal like potatoes) (mom) "i'm not going to take someone to the store who is rude to me." (me) "why?? i wasn't trying to be disrespectful to you, i'm sorry if i was." (mom) "doesn't matter if you meant to, you were still rude to me; the answer is still no." after this i came back \~30 minutes later (me) "hey, im sorry about earlier can we please go to the store so i can make dinner for myself?" (her) "no, you don't get to come out here and pretend like you were not rude to me and then ask me to drive you somewhere" after this, i knew it was going nowhere so i went into the kitchen and made myself a simple bowl with like half a packet of tofu and some onions. i feel like im not an asshole but i cant shake the feeling that i might be, so reddit, aita???

nta

nta your mom is underfeeding you and she is in denial and being really weird about how she polices your tone when you are literally asking for food. teenagers need lots of calories and a no-gluten low carb diet is inappropriate for a kid like you. this problem needs to be brought to the attention of other adults in your extended family or at your school. you need calories so that you can reach your full adult size and weight.

nta- you are underweight for your height and gender. is there another adult you’re able to talk to about this? you need adequate nutrition and calorie intake (gluten-free or not.)

1275ip9

aita for not having a traditional christian wedding?

okay so my fiancé and i (21m&ftm) are getting married soon, i believe in the nordic god's/goddesses and he's atheist– neither of us are religious what so ever. my brother and his wife (m&f 36) are coming with their kids (16&14f, 11&8m). for context: my husband-to-be who i will call "mike" and i will have men, women, enby, and trans people on our sides; i'm having my mom as my moh, my little brother who i'll call "jay" (18ftm), my two best friends (22f,20ftm&19m) on my side. i'll call those three "rei", " kiana", and "jordan". my fiancé will be having his best friend "samantha" (19mtf), his mom, dad, step dad, step mom, (all in there 40s) and his little brother (15m) on his side. my sister is *hard core* christian and doesn't like the idea that we're having a nordic wedding, that our colors will be black, purple, and red, and that we're having mixed genders on each side. my dress, since i like to express my femininity, will be a black and purple embré with red splatter prints (we're having our wedding on halloween in the morning so the kids can go trick-or-treating- we started dating on halloween and want that to be our wedding day) my fiancé's suit will be exactly like my dress. everyone is able to dress however they want, the kids can be in their halloween costumes or normal clothes, adults can wear whatever they want, we want everyone to he comfortable instead of in stuffy clothing. my sister wants me to get a pastor to officiate our wedding, wants my dad (who is not the best) to walk me down the isle, when i told her we're having rei's mom (who is licensed to do nordic weddings) officiate our wedding and i'll have my brother (26m) who i'll call "nick" walk me down the isle she threw a fit. i nor nick don't like our father because he ab*sed both of us, which emma *knows*, my husband-to-be knows what my father did and agrees that my dad shouldn't be there, rei, kiana, jay, my mom and step mom (56&55f) agree. emma has made comments about my weight (i'm not in the 100s and i didn't need her to point it out) while i was trying on my dress, i was crying so much during the fitting that my mom had to call my fiancé and tell him to come get me. two weeks ago we decided to kick my sil out of the wedding, well she called me today and *demanded* that i let her back in, i told mike and he disagreed, i even told my brother who said he understood and that i had every right not to let her in (she's made fun of my weight since i was six, he and nick basically raised me) this isn't the only thing that emma has done, she said she didn't want our german shepherd, my *service dog* at my wedding, she didn't want me to show my tattoos because she didn't have tattoos when she had her wedding, she wants me to take out my piercings as well because they're "distracting" emma thinks i'm being irrational and says that she's only giving me " tips" so, aita for not having a traditional wedding and for kicking out my sil?

nta

>my sister is hard core christian and doesn't like the idea that we're having a nordic wedding, that our colors will be black, purple, and red, and that we're having mixed genders on each side. i made my judgment after this part. then i read the rest, and my judgement remains the same - nta. emma's way out of line. it's your wedding, so you get to choose what to wear, who officiates, all that stuff. emma should keep her opinions to herself, and if she can't do that, i wouldn't blame you if you didn't invite her to the wedding. eta - congratulations! i hope your wedding is wonderful. it sounds really cool.

nta. this is not emma's wedding.

1275zd8

aita for being uncomfortable with staying the night at my boyfriend’s dorm ?

i f 20 am in a long distance relationship with m 22 he lives 3 states from me and i’m finally going to see him this summer !! i’m very excited but we’ve had a slight disagreement with where i’m staying. my boyfriend wants me to stay at his apartment dorm at his college. he said it would be convenient for me so he would be able to cook and cuddle with me etc. i was on board at first but then realized that this is my first time ever meeting him in person. i’m planning on bringing my best friend with me just for safety reasons. we both plan to stay in a hotel during our stay but my boyfriend believes that his dorm is better for me. i decided that i was uncomfortable staying at his dorm. i was scared to specify that to him but i grew some balls and did it. i explained to him that being in a dorm with multiple other men that i don’t know makes me very uneasy and i would rather stay at my hotel. i also told him i would be more comfortable if he were to stay in my hotel room. he told me that it annoyed him that i even brought that up and he didn’t understand why i was uncomfortable and took it personally. he told me that it seems like i feel as if he can’t protect me. which i never said i reassured him that i know he will protect me but i also don’t know the intentions of his dorm mates. we’ve argued over this for many days and it’s still not clicking. he then told me that the situation was getting in his head and made him depressed. i told him he could come and vent or cry whenever he needed and he told me there’s nothing to speak about. he told me to think about it and i’m still not on board with being in his dorm during my stay. am i the asshole for telling him that i’m uncomfortable staying in his dorm room ?

nta

nta cancel the trip and dump him. you don't want or need a boyfriend who will pressure you to do things you're uncomfortable with and ride roughshod over your feelings, opinions and decisions. staying with him is a safety risk. he has showed you who he is. believe him.

nta. you've never met him in person so you're right to be uncomfortable about sleeping with him in a dorm room, surrounded by other men you don't know. he's trying to pressure you, and he's being manipulative and disrespectful. big red flags here

12760kd

aita for being nervous when my dad/brother drive the car?

hi, i(23f) got into a heated fight with my dad(52m) and brother(21m) over their driving. they both enjoy speeding (around 80-90 on the parkway) in all kinds of weather. they also practice some unsafe habits when driving, holding their phones/using them, showing each other pics/videos, tailgating, etc. this won't be a problem if i wasn't in the car. but i'm currently on a trip visiting family with both of them and we are sharing my dad's car. today my dad was driving and a car cut across 3 lanes on the parkway, no binker, going about 75 and cut my dad off. my dad was looking at directions on his phone. against my better judgment i called out, "dad!" and jumped in my seat. i didn't touch him or say scream it at the top of my lungs. my dad instantly screamed at me for being nervous and told me to knock it off. my brother got really annoyed and also told to stop, it's no big deal. i explained that i'm an anxious driver to begin with and i'm not trying to upset them but them can be a bit reckless. this cause my dad to yell that i was saying he drives like a manic. i didn't. and my brother said i need to stop "freaking out and throwing myself around the car." i'm not screaming, touching the them, or even moving enough to shift the car. i got really upset, and teared up and said i'm trying my best to be calm, but i'm anxious. my brother went off asking me how old i was and that he'll tell me i'm annoying if he wants too. it came across really uncaring and i told him to shut the fuck up. my dad later apologized and said we'll both try to be better (him safer and me less anxious.) he told my brother to apologize too, he did. i honestly feel like i'm not the asshole but i dont want to hurt my dad or brother's feelings so i need some advice. thank you!

nta

nta. there is a reason why looking at cell phone while driving is punishable by hefty fines.

nta **stop riding with them, honey.** it's better to take a bus or uber (or stay home) than to get wrapped around a lightpole because someone had to show someone a meme. >i dont want to hurt my dad or brother's feelings yeah, we're way past that. and *where did you get the idea that their feelings are more important than your safety?* time to un-learn it, op.

127653a

aita for getting up and ruining the "fun"?

so to give content about everything and everyone who will be in such story! i'm a minor and still in school- and all, we were in last period and my teacher decided to change seats because everyone would be by their friends and would of been speaking with them. i was unfortunate and got placed in the corner of the classroom which doesn't sound much like i was unfortunate but it was two people i was placed with- j and s who are two classmates that are at least 1 or 2 years older then i am and well they are friends with everyone besides me and i which is my friend (class has 27 people and that is including me so it's a small class) i have only seen/know s for two days (yesterday and today as i write this) yesterday we get a seat change and i get placed in the corner with those two, during sometime in class they ask about my interests and i go ahead and tell them all about it- we come to me saying the word "roleplay" and they start to ask a but tone of questions about it and i go ahead and answer, they then ask if i can impersonate characters and i said "yes, i can". they ask for me to do so and so i do- come towards me doing one character and then i say "after this we are going back to work" next thing you know they are saying that i did it and that they didn't ask. continuing to where i'm just saying "no let's go back to working" which never happened and you have some classmates staring at me come today where i go back to the seat and sit there and first thing- s starts talking about roleplay. nothing serious. come towards the end of class and now one of j and s's friends come over and sit with us and then ask me to rate their "cosplay" which is them acting like cats and saying "we will win! we know it" in the most well someone acting like a alpha male (if that type of voice exists) or you can say in a very cringe voice for three guys who ar on year older then me. they ask and i answer.. come towards s meowing(?) pretty loud and another one of his friends come over (we will call her p) p and i don't have the best of relationship nor do we hang out. come towards where 25 people are now over and you have c, s and j asking me to do the quote and quote "cosplay" with them despite the fact i'm telling them "no" it's enough to where i get up and leave the table only to hear p's remark "look what you made her do- get up and leave".. only for us to go back home (or well leaving the classroom to do so) and s comes up to me before saying "why did you leave? that was rude you know?" and well lowering myself asteam for leaving

nta

**please correct me if i'm wrong here. the post was extremely hard to read, so i may be getting some facts wrong.** so the basics of it are; the teacher created pairings for the class so the students wouldn't get distracted by their friends. you talked with your partners and revealed you are into roleplay and cosplay. they ask you to do some impersonations, and you do, to which they then say they never asked you to do so. then the rest of the class approaches your desk and wants your opinion on their impersonations. so all the students are in the back corner messing around, and the teacher (who split up the class to prevent distractions) is just letting this happen? that just doesn't sound real. at the end of the day, you're **nta**, you are trying to work, and everyone is distracting you. but this post almost made no sense and was structured strangely, you may want to take another crack at writing it.

it sounds like you’re nta. all in all, you were uncomfortable and you weren’t having fun. so you removed yourself from the situation. you didn’t make a scene, you just left. that’s mature and looking out for your own well-being.

1276au3

aita for refusing to do an extra credit project?

i'm a 2nd year mechanical engineering student, and there is a course i have an 85 average in. my dad is nagging me to do an extra credit project that can be worth up to 4 points on my final grade. i am most likely getting to get a b in the course without the project, and the extra credit project might bring my grade up to 90, which is an a. however, i don't have to time to do the project because i'm taking 5 other classes, and i just don't really feel like doing it. now my dad knows the content from this class, because he is an aerospace engineer, and he said that he can help me with it. i never really liked working with my dad, since i'm not close with him, and i get uncomfortable if i have to spend time around him. my relationship with him was never that good- he always wants things his way, and in the past he always compared me to my siblings. with my current performance and a b in this course, my gpa will be a 3.83 by the end of this school year, which is still enough to maintain my scholarship. and i also have important projects in other courses that also require a lot of my time. the last few days my dad called me every day to ask me if i'm doing the extra credit project, and i said i'm busy with other things. he asked in a very demanding voice, and said that i must do the project so i can get an a in the class. he said that he wants me to do the best in school and maximize my gpa (even though my gpa is fine). i'm busy with other classes, and i just don't have the energy for this extra credit project on top of tons of other things that are mandatory. today was no different and my dad called me to nag about this project. i told him i have other required things going on, and that i don't appreciate his nagging and calling me every day about this. i said that i'm 20, i'm a legal adult, and that i can handle things on my own. i told him that my boyfriend (who is also mechanical engineering) can help me with this project. he said that he will always be here for me, and that he feels "deeply hurt and offended" that i do not want his help on the project. i said it's not my fault that this offends him, and then all of a sudden he became furious and told me that i'm rebellious and ungrateful. he said that i'm too distant from him, and that if he is not here for me nobody is here for me (which is a lie because i was never close with him). in the past he would only berate me for getting bad test grades, and whenever i argued with my siblings over typical sibling rivalries he would take their side, not mine. whenever my mom and i disagreed over something he would shame me for being a "rebel". and he also threw away all my childhood toys for no reason a long time ago. i got so fed up with my dad that i told him i don't want to talk to him about this, and he started crying, so i just hang up on him.

nta

nta - i have kids in college, and i couldn't imagine having that sort of interaction with them.

nta. you get to decide whether your workload is manageable or not, it is important to have a health work/study life balance.

1276m5v

aita for not inviting my (ex) best friend to my wedding?

my ex best friend and i met in kindergarten ( we're now 30); however, after i moved away from my hometown, we drifted a bit, i have always considered her my sister though. in 2015, we reunited and rekindled our friendship and it honestly felt like we hadnt skipped a beat. we hung out, made plans to see each other regularly, it was wonderful. little did i know, that at the time, her more local best friend and her boyfriend were not "getting along"- i didnt find this out until later. she abruptly fell off the face of the earth one day. she didn't respond to my texts, ghosted on plans, didnt respond on facebook. but- she stayed in contact with a friend of mine that i had introduced her to when we had hung out together. i have no concept of what happened or what went wrong. she got married, separated, had a kid- all without telling me. fast forward to present day- im getting married soon and sent out save the dates a few months ago. i hear -through the grapevine- that shes mad that she didn't get invited. i have not spoken to this woman in almost ten years. i have gone through horrible, life changing tragedies, im almost finished with a 2nd uni degree, im getting married to an amazing man ive known for almost 6 years that shes never met once. basically, shes not been in my life for the good or the bad in any way, shape, or form - and for no reason that she ever gave me. its not like we were arguing or fighting when we last saw each other- quite the opposite. our wedding is on the smaller side for close friends and family. inviting her (and accommodating an infant), would accrue extra costs for someone who hasnt had anything to do with me. am i the asshole for not inviting her?

nta

nta. why would you invite someone you haven’t spoken to in 10 years 💀 she’s delusional.

nta no contact for 10 years? not a call or text or even snailmail? shes not a friend anymore, why in the hell would she be invited??

1276mrt

aita for not reinviting my sister and her family to my wedding after we changed it?

my fiancé and i planned to have a large wedding in july at a venue in the country. i guess that was too out of the way for most people because only 14 people rsvp-ed that they were coming. we had already set aside money for our wedding and since there was no longer going to be a lot of people coming we decided to splurge. so, we asked everyone who rsvp-ed that they were coming if they could take a few extra days off for a longer trip to hawaii all expenses paid by us. everyone said yes, so we started booking tickets and suites at this nice resort. we also planned some fun things to do while we're there. everyone is very excited for the trip. now my sister, who rsvp-ed that she and her family weren't coming, is upset that i didn't reinvite her when we changed plans. she thinks that since it's basically a different trip they should have been told. originally she said she couldn't come to our wedding because that time of the year is very difficult for her and her husband because the summer is the busiest time for their business. they have a landscaping business. also she said traveling that far with all her kids would be difficult because of the long car ride. it would have been around a 3 hour drive from where she lives. so it doesn't make any sense to me for her to say she can go on a longer trip even farther away. the plane trip is almost 9 hours long. also she says it's unfair because our brother and his family gets to go while hers doesn't. that's making her kids feel left out because their cousins are going and my sister says it's like playing favorites. my sister and her family would be five more people so even if we wanted to reinvite them they would cause us to go way over budget. the only other option would be to drastically downgrade the trip we already promised everyone. it just seems totally unfair to everyone else, but my sister also thinks i'm being unfair and says we pulled a "reverse bait and switch". ​ edit. oh boy. sorry, but i'm definitely not going to be readding all these comments.

nta

nta. she’s just having a whinge because now she doesn’t get a free trip to hawaii. the fact that your own sister said she couldn’t come to your wedding that was three hours away would be enough reason to not re-invite her.

nta you can give her the details the flights & hotels you will be staying at & let her know she is welcome to book these on her own however since she rsvp’d no, you are not able to pay for anything other than the wedding meal. she just wants a free trip. if you were important to her she would have made the time to come to the original planned wedding. edited for spelling error

1276r2f

aita for “acting like a baby” anytime my mom “tries to help”

hello there reddit! i’m really thinking i’m the asshole in this scenario because of how many times it’s happened but i just wanted a second opinion. so yeah! i, (14, nb) have had issues with my mom (43, f) since i was like 10. to preface, i have thick curly hair and until recently it was decently long. my mom on the other hand has thin, straight, hair and doesn’t seem to have many problems getting it to behave (except for dyeing away the gray every month or so). i also have autism and i’ve always been very sensitive to touch/pain, and i’ve also struggled with depression for a while now and chores like brushing my hair became difficult. my mom had always just took me to her bathroom and brushed out my hair roughly and yelled at me when i screamed/cried. eventually, last year (summer of 2022) my hair had been unattended for a couple months and was knotted to all hell. my mom took personal offense to this once she saw it and told me that if i didn’t get it all brushed out in one night than i could not get the haircut i wanted (scheduled for the next day) and would instead chop all my hair off from home. i wanted this haircut both because it was gender-affirming and because it was short enough it couldn’t really tangle and my mom could stop pulling at it. i stayed up basically the whole night crying, putting as much detangler as i could in my hair, and cutting out knots. by the morning i did get it out and i could get my hair cut! :d but my mom still yells at me for “acting like a baby” and will make fun of me (call me an idiot, retarded, ect) for things i do that most kids my age know how to do (for example, i couldn’t open a can of soup for the longest time) so am i the asshole (or i guess over-exaggerator) or not :d

nta

nta. and i am so sorry that your mother, the person who should be your best supporter in the world, treats you this way! do you have other adults in your life who are supportive? or do you know how to develop any? blessings to you.

nta honey, i think the hair is not the biggest issue here. i'm concerned with how your mother has been handling your hair, but i'm more concerned with the part you said at the end about her calling you an idiot, using slurs, and mocking you for struggling with tasks instead of helping you learn how to adapt the task to be something you can accomplish. none of that is ok, and you do not deserve to be treated like that. but back to the hair- because her hair texture is so different from yours, it sounds like she has no idea how to care for your hair properly, and has not bothered to learn. i have straight hair myself, but even i know that curly hair should not be brushed, as a general rule. i'm glad you were able to get a shorter haircut that will be both gender affirming as well as easier to care for and less difficult from a sensory perspective. that said, you may still find it useful to research curly hair care, to make ongoing personal maintenance as easy and stress-free as possible. for this, i highly recommend checking out r/curlyhair. you can make a post asking for advice for your exact situation, or simply read some of the materials linked in their about section.

1276r74

aita for driving dangerously when my boyfriend was in the car? i was freaked out by another driver

i was driving with my boyfriend in the car and he was napping, and i pulled into a parallel parking spot to go on google maps. when i pulled over, it was on the side of a road with two travel lanes in the same direction. a mail truck had stopped a little ahead, in the right lane, but the left was open for passing. i was pulling out of the spot, into the right lane, then a suv pulled right up beside me and stopped there, blocking me. well away from the mail truck, and not passing them in the open lane either. nobody else was around. i beeped to let the guy know i was there, but he just stared at me and my car is so low to the ground i didn't think he saw my boyfriend there. i was sketched out, i drive a small car and the last time someone cornered me in my car and wouldn't move like that, it got scary. so i decided to get out, i started doing a 3 point turn (well maybe more like 5?) in the parking spot to maneuver to get out behind the suv. to get out, i had to be perpendicular to them. my boyfriend woke up right when i was sideways in the road and gunning it while making a tight turn to get my car straightened out on the road and get away. when i started driving, in the open left lane, the suv followed (why then instead of any other time??) and i whipped it around a corner and lost them he was freaking out because all of a sudden i was driving crazy when i promised him to drive safe and stay at the speed limit when he's in the car. i told him everything that happened, how sketchy it was, and he got angry i didn't wake him up if i was that scared i said i was sorry but all i was thinking at the time was how i needed to get us out of there, and felt responsible because i was driving, and didn't feel like i had time to explain. he got frustrated with me saying i freak out at the littlest things and the guy was probably just not paying too much attention and didn't realize he could go around the mail truck ahead i was pretty upset because i genuinely felt like it was sketchy, and can't understand why he doesn't. and he's still angry with me for not driving carefully with him in the car. aita for driving too crazy with my boyfriend in the car? i was freaked out by another driver and was rushing to get away. also i'm not crazy for finding that scary, right?

nta

i'd say nta but it does sound like you might have panicked. panicking is dangerous and you should try to maintain a level head. i'd tell my hypothetical boyfriend, i was scared, no one got hurt that's what counts, let's move on.

it might have been better to wake up your boyfriend instead. but you are definitely not crazy for finding that situation creepy. i’m hoping i’m safe in assuming you’re a woman, and i don’t love that your boyfriend is minimizing how this situation made you feel. even if this particular guy meant you no harm, your fears are valid. no one got hurt, or was even close to it by the sounds of it. nta

127720q

wibta if i stopped my housemate serving minors at her birthday party?

i (21f) have had a really difficult relationship with alcohol. i know several people whose lives were ruined by underage and irresponsible drinking, including several rapes, cognitive issues, sports careers ruined, college careers ruined, and families torn apart. let's say i've had the worst possible encounters possible with underage drinking. for these reasons, i am very opposed to underage drinking. not morally, because i know a lot of people who do, but practically, medically, and legally. when i signed a lease with my housemates, i made it very clear i could in no way condone underage drinking or serving to minors by my housemates, on our property. they all agreed with this, and it seemed like there wouldn't be a problem. one of my housemates just turned 22, and wants to celebrate her birthday with a party tomorrow. she asked me weeks ago if this was okay, and i had no problem with it. however, i just read the guest list and there are several sophomores on the list, and others who may be underage. generally, i employ a "don't ask don't tell" policy, so that my issues aren't other people's problems, but i now \*know\* several of the people invited are underage. i told her this made me very uncomfortable and i would not be around for the party. she said she understood, but said she would still like me to show up. now i am reconsidering my initial position and want to say she can't knowingly serve a minor alcohol on the property. i don't want to be a party pooper, but underage drinking makes me very uncomfortable. i'm trying to weigh all my options and make the best decision for me, without ruining her day. wibta if i told her she couldn't serve minors? if yes, what are other ways i can protect myself (legally) if something goes badly so i don't have to feel so uncomfortable with it?

nta

nta i’m a dad with a sophomore daughter, and do you know what i would do if she got drunk at someone’s house and died on the way home? i’d sue the tenants/owner of that house and everyone present into oblivion. i would pursue the matter for decades if i had to.

nta. you could be held legally responsible for anything that goes wrong with underage drinking. i believe if the police are called and see underage drinking you might get a ticket depending on where you live if in the united states. i would send a text to your roommates saying you aren't going to be able to attend the party. write it and don't just say it verbally. it sounds ridiculous, but take pictures of where you are that night and save receipts as proof you weren't at the party in case of problems.

12774a9

aita for shutting off the wifi on my brother?

short context - so my brother was enjoying himself while playing this game called overwatch 2. he often shouts and screams and i had enough and asked him if he could be quiet. he said no, so i expressed that i'd be shutting off the wifi router (which means he'd lose connection playing his game) if he didn't quiet up. i did this and suddenly he storms downstairs where i'm at, calling me an a s s hole and my mother argues in agreement with him, calling me selfish for doing that. so i'd like to know if itah or not? long context - my brother has his own room and i have one of my own. ever since he got himself his own playstation 4, he's been glued to this ow2 game. the problem is - he shouts and screams and because i'm in the other room, i can hear it all! as i write this, i can hear it. it's late where i live and i've got work tomorrow. -_- i work early mornings and am often in bed between 07:50-08:20pm. my brother works on and off days. this happens often where he shouts in enjoyment of his game and sometimes argues with people on the multiplayer game as well. i get frustrated because i'm trying to sleep but often let it go. when this happened, i decided that i'd give texting him another shot although usually it ends up with him saying, "just shut your eyes." anyhow, i texted him saying, "hey, i know you're playing overwatch but is there anyway you could keep it a bit low as i'm trying to sleep for work tomorrow. :)" my brother receives the text and moments later replies with, "close your eyes. simple." i then threaten to take off the wifi router, as a means to shut him up at which point he threatens to cut my playstation 5 cord which is located next to the router. this is all through text, i don't approach his room because again i'm trying to sleep. that - and our communication styles are terrible. anyhow, i decide that i'll take off the wifi for a bit and as explained above, he marched downstairs in upset. he has a pair of scissors in his hands and starts shouting at me about how terrible i am, because he was playing his dumb competitive ow2 game and i shut off the wifi on him. our argument escalated, but gets us nowhere. my mom jumps in to call me disrespectful and selfish (no surprise, she's got favourites.) i realize maybe i was a bit mean for shutting it off, but wonder if i'm actually tah here? let me know, kind of curious lol

nta

nta, but it is time to save up for moving out.

tell your mom you need to switch bedrooms with her, this weekend. that way you can sleep in peace and quiet, and she can listen to bro emote to his computer all night. nta

1277ge0

aita for throwing away expired ranch dressing?

so i (16f) was hungry so i decided to make myself a sandwich. when i opened the fridge, something really stank. i was looking in the fridge to see what it was. there was a bottle of ranch dressing without a cap on so i thought that might be the cause of the smell. it absolutely was it smelled rancid; it expired on jan 18 (it’s march 30 as i’m writing this) so i threw it out because it expired over 2 months ago. after i finished making my sandwich my dad came in and opened the fridge. he asked me where the ranch dressing was and i said that it was expired, so i threw it away. he got pissed at me and started yelling at be because i “ruined his whole day”. apparently he had been waiting all day to make a ranch salad because he was really craving it. i explained to him that it literally expired over 2 months ago and he said that didn’t mean anything and it was still good, and i explained that it was absolutely rancid and that it wasn’t good. he was still mad and demanded that i go get him another bottle of ranch from the store. i said okay, when i finish my lunch. he said no now. here’s where i may be the asshole. i said no, i’m eating lunch so i will go get it when i’m done, or if you want it that badly you can get it yourself. he got even more upset and told me not to ever talk to him like that, and go to no the store right now. i was tired of arguing so i just said okay and went to the store (i brought my sandwich with me). when i came back he took away my phone because i was being disrespectful and ruined his lunch. when my mom came home she was worried because i hadn’t been answering her texts and phone calls and i explained to her what happened. she tried to talk to my dad about getting my phone back but he’s so stubborn and won’t really listen to her anymore because they’re getting a divorce so i’m currently without a phone. so aita?

nta

it was expired, it had no cap, and it smelled rancid. nta. but i guess in the future, just leave it and let your dad eat it, since he gets so mad about throwing out nasty expired food.

nta. i would’ve let him found out himself if it was still edible or not. sometimes people need to understand the hard way >he got pissed at me and started yelling at be because i "ruined his whole day". so his entire day got ruined because...you prevented him from spending hours on the toilet or worse? my day would be much worse if i did in fact eat someone spoiled if i was your dad

1277gt7

aita for asking my roommate to not blared his car audio at home in our neighborhood?

blare* sorry about the title. so me and my wife moved into a nice neighborhood about a year ago we’re friends with our neighbors and recently we’ve had some friends come to stay with us, so this roommate recently put 2 subwoofers (large bass speakers in trunk/hatch) in his car that’s enough to rattle the walls if he turns it up. today me and my wife were gone the roommate got home and started messing with his speakers trunk/hatch open, doors open, windows down in the yard around 5pm and continued to play with them turned up around 15+ min. our neighbor across the street got woken up from a nap, got dressed, and waited outside until the roommate was done messing with the speakers,then asked to talk asked him if he could not do that anymore. roommate got pissy and smart with the neighbor. when all accounts including camera footage show the neighbor after being woken up by this was respectful even waited till roommate was done and just asked nicely if he could not do that. now i’m all for people enjoying their music but we live in a quiet neighborhood and all respect each other i have lights and music on my vehicle and turn it down when i hit our neighborhood out of respect for the others. my roommate doesn’t see it that way, i’ve already talked to him once that my wife and i didn’t like him pulling up rattling our walls and when i said something to him about today with the neighbor he got very defensive saying no one likes what he does and went on this whole thing about how he’ll just eat sleep work, no one likes how unfiltered he is etc, i would call it a very “he’s the victim attitude”, so i tried to explain my view about respecting the neighborhood a couple different ways to no avail. and was even told by my roommates wife that i overstepped my bounds trying to talk to him about it. so am i the asshole? i feel like just trying to keep good relations with the neighbors we’ve had for almost a year and not be the one house on the block playing loud bass from the car in their yard is a good thing, but the roommates feel like they should be allowed to do what they want, also we live a mile from walmart we’re the speakers could have easily been messed with there. so what do y’all think?

nta

nta. tell him to stop the music or move.

nta. turn. it. down! good lord people. headphones were invented for a reason. not everyone else wants to hear your music. those kinds of speakers are meant for block party’s. not your car picnic. he’s gotta understand that other people live around him, besides, i’m pretty sure that can get the cops called on you? it’s like the equivalent of getting a noise complaint.

1277j66

aita if i sell my house, cash out and move on?

background- i have 5 kids with my xwife, m30, f28, m25, f21 and f18. my oldest is incarcerated, my other son is on the other side of the country living with my brother and his wife. f28 lives with me, the other daughters live with their mother across town. i moved to this little shitty town 10 years ago because m25 didnt want to live with my xwife anymore. i moved from the city to his school district. the home i bought then is paid off. ive planned since moving here to leave once my youngest graduates high school. thats coming up this spring. i dont really have any plans, but i hate this town. f28 and f21 want to live together in my house. f21 is going to college nearby and f28 is getting her business going. would i be the asshole to cash out on the property instead of renting to my daughters?

nta

nta. they’re all grown and you can do what want and go where you want to be, but be cool and let them know asap and unequivocally that you will be putting the house up for sale on (date) and they’ll need to have themselves and their things out of it by then so you can show it. give them notice in writing if you think it’ll be a problem.

nta you are allowed to have a life

1277s54

aita for staying in the mosh pit when my friend got anxious and wanted to leave right before the headline act?

so me (f) and 2 of my best friends(f&m) go to a metal concert for the 1st time. we’re hyped but my friends are apprehensive about getting injured in the mosh. they want to stay together so i agree. i do want to experience the mosh so i say that if they don’t want to/we get separated i’m fine alone. we’re keen to go to the front for the last act, especially f who is only there for them - so we wait at front 5 hrs early. while waiting f gets elbowed in the head(she checked later and she was fine), she gets anxious and suggests moving to the side. mind you, we’re all getting elbowed, and that’s just the nature of the crowd. i don’t want to lose our spot so i say ‘you’ll be fine’. i would’ve told her to go ahead except she would’ve expected all of us to follow. i also want to point out that in a previous act, m left us while we were at the front to go to the back (but he was fine being alone) and nobody batted an eye. the band starts and crowd gets dangerous. m gets separated and it’s just me and f. f starts panicking badly and wants out - we both yell for help but there’s no way out except to crowdsurf. we also get separated and i stay at the front in case f didn’t get out. i start to enjoy the mosh but then f texts the group that she’s out and asks us to come. im relieved she’s safe, but i’m hesitant to leave (not even 3 songs in) cos i know as soon as i leave i’m never getting back in, and will have to watch from 300m away outside the crowd. i stay for 2 more songs before i leave(in hindsight i should’ve left asap). at this point i’m upset that i had waited 5 hours just to have to leave after 5 minutes. btw m is still enjoying the concert just from outside the crowd. i finally find f and she is uninjured but shaken. i try to empathise and say ‘that was scary hey’ and ‘sorry you had to go through that’ but i come off as unreceptive. she says ‘we never should’ve gone to the front’ and ‘you saw me struggling and didn’t do anything to help’. but realistically i couldn’t have pulled her out of the mosh because i was also fighting to stay upright. i think she was hypersensitive to the mosh, because physically everyone was fine. she leaves early and i walk her to the exit - i only get back in time for the last few songs. f later tells me she felt unsafe with me and that i wasn’t looking out for her (which i apologised for). but she thinks that before the act started i should’ve left the crowd with her when she asked. i don’t know where to draw the line between what’s selfish and also standing up for your own wants and needs. because on one hand as a friend yes i should look out for her. on the other hand we’re all functioning adults and she can look after herself. for me i really wanted to experience being at the front, which i communicated from the start. i don’t think it was fair to expect me to leave as soon as she felt uncomfortable. but aita- should i have stayed or left with her?

nta

i don't get it. why couldn't she just stay in a different area away from the mosh pit? and once she got out safely, why should you be expected to leave if that's where you wanted to be? she wasn't injured, didn't require medical attention. she just couldn't deal with the crowd but you could. i don't get why she thinks it's ok to badmouth you for remaining in the place you wanted to be. is she always so high maintenance? nta

nta ​ you should not have left the mosh pit.

1277tte

wibta if i paid rent late?

i (31 f) have been having trouble with my roommate (27 f). let’s call her amy. i’ve been here for about a year and a half, she started off respectful and fairly communicative. while she struggled with bringing up issues on her end, she would listen when i brought things up and take that as an invitation to mention things bothering her. we also started off with a friendship but after a few months it became clear we did not share the same social goals and we drifted to being friendly and polite but not really socializing. a few months ago amy started getting very passive aggressive with me through text. i ignored her comments and communicated directly about what we were discussing (related to the house). i was away traveling when this happened, but when i came back she seemed fine. then i went away again for a few days and the passive aggressive texting started again. when i came back i asked her to clean up a mess she left in the common area before she traveled, she told me she did not care about my expectations. i told her if she wanted me to fulfill her expectations, she would have to fulfill mine. she said her expectation was that i pay rent on time. she is the one who pays our rent and is responsible for the lease, so i pay my portion of the rent directly to her. i told her again that if she wanted me to fulfill her expectations, she would either have to fill mine or communicate with me to figure out an alternative compromise. since then she has been extra passive aggressive- leaving more messes in common areas, and leaving the toilet unflushed. so along with all this she has left a bunch of trash out, which i asked her to take out before she leaves the country for a week in 2 days. if she leaves it all out/continues making passive aggressive messes, wibta if i delayed paying my rent? of course i would still pay it, just a little late. i have tried numerous times to have a conversation or discuss how we can coexist for the next few months i’m here.

yta

you clearly have the means to pay your rent on time but you are choosing to withhold it because you think playing a stupid game is actually a smart idea? if that smart idea is to give her a real grievance against you for being an ahole, sure. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. it's a dumb move for you. yta

yta you are obligated to pay your rent, on time. it appears this situation is becoming hostile. find another place to live. good luck

1277ya9

aita for refusing to let my friend stay with me even though i have the means?

a friend and i are both preparing to graduate from college. we happened to be accepted to the same graduate program which is in another state with a fiercely competitive and nauseatingly expensive housing market. i’m lucky to have my grandparents living in a nearby city there so i decided to just live with them in their extra bedroom. my friend suggested the idea of us going in on a place together and i explained i’d be living with family. during college i saw this friend maybe once a month. we started hanging out a little more frequently when we found out we’d be in the same graduate program because we thought it would be nice to know someone going in. but we’re by no means best of friends or anything. i told him i was happy to ask my grandparents if they knew of affordable housing in the area and post his advertisement seeking roommates up in their building or whatever else i could do to help. a couple days ago we were getting together and he confided that housing is creating a barrier to his attending the program and he might be unable to attend. i asked if he’d spoken to the financial aid office at the university and what not, he said he had, we discussed it a bit more then moved on to other topics. as we were parting ways he said he figured i would’ve offered by now but it didn’t seem like i was going to so he’d just say it— he’d like to stay with me at my grandparents house until he could find other living accommodations. he said he could sleep on the couch. i explained my grandmother has the beginnings of dementia and that really even if she didn’t, they were already leery about taking me in and definitely aren’t seeking any extra roommates. he said, in so many words, since i am privileged to have family who can afford to live near campus it’s my responsibility to lend a hand to those who have no alternatives. i feel awful for him, and if it weren’t for my grandparents i’d be in pretty much his same position, but it would honestly never cross my mind to ask a friend to let me indefinitely live with them, ever. we left the talk on pretty sour terms and when i called to try and smooth things over he just kept laying it on pretty thick about how dire his situation is and that he’d do the same for me. so… i’m feeling really conflicted. i want to help a friend but i’d be extremely hesitant to do this for even a close friend and do not want to further impose on my very kind grandparents. but i am also very lucky to be where i am and did stonewall him on this… aita?

nta

nta. it's not even your call to offer a place to stay as it's not your house or your decision. dude's got some brass balls asking that and then placing all the guilt on you when you've done nothing wrong. he'd basically be a squatter with squatter's rights if he stayed for a semester and didn't pay rent while under his supposed "looking for another place to stay". he wouldn't leave a free housing situation if he had no qualms asking you for free accommodations in a house you don't own.

>he said, in so many words, since i am privileged to have family who can afford to live near campus it’s my responsibility to lend a hand to those who have no alternatives. **nta**. the guy is acting super entitled, no real mate would try to use guilt like this. is it unfortunate he doesn't have family in the area? sure. is it fortunate that you do? absolutely. but it is not '**your responsibility**' to decide who lives with your grandparents. i could be wrong, but it sounds like he is just trying to mooch off of you and your family rather than moving to a place on his own (with financial aid it sounds like).

1278b0c

wibta for keeping an exclusive party invite to myself?

i (f22) got tickets to an exclusive once a year party from a company giveaway. the party is very popular nationwide to near worldwide and tickets are typically so expensive that i can't afford them on my own so when i found out, i was so excited.. where my friend works, they were giving away 20 invites and my friend (f21) and i were able to get invites for ourselves. the invites include a 2 day all expense day trip for 2 specific days in 2 weeks but unfortunately i have to work the first day but i get to attend the 2nd day entirely. there are still over 15 invitations available since most people at her work aren't interested in the exclusive party. my friend believes that i should give up my invitation to somebody else because they deserve to have the full two day experience. i told her that i got to reserve my spot and that it shouldn't be a problem with the company if i inform the events committee that i'll be a day late and that there are plenty of invites still available for other people to go so i'm not taking away from anyone (the trip is in 2 weeks as a reminder). my friend called me an ah and told me it's selfish to hold up my invitation to someone who can experience the entire thing and that i should just tell them i'm not going at all. i have up until 3 days to get in contact with the events committee are her company and let them know if i'm going or not. so, wibta for keeping my invitation? im really conflicted on this.

nta

nta - it's your employee benefit and you already said you arn't taking it away from another employee who needs it more. how you want to use your holiday is entirely up to yours. i get the feeling it's tomorrowland, is it tomorrowland?

it’s yours to do with and enjoy however you like. period. that’s my ted talk. and that’s my date reference nta

1278grc

aita for not inviting a friend to a hangout?

so i(17m) have this friend named mary. she is more popular than me but not that popular and she had introduced me to most of the friends i have now. at one point a few months ago during a free period, i was telling her that i hadn't really hung out with any of our friends but have been wanting to. she boasted that she got a few opportunities to hang out with our friends over the summer but not too much and wanted to do more fun stuff in the future. i asked her if she could try to include me in the future and she accepted. nothing ever came of it though. fast forward to now, i get the courage to ask the friends out myself. we are going to see a movie over spring break which i assumed mary wouldn't be into so i didn't really think to invite her and also tbh i just lowkey don't want her there that much since i see her so often during school. recently she found out that i had planned an outing without inviting her and while there was yelling or begging to be included or anything like that, she was frustrated with me. she claimed that she had been keeping the promise and constantly trying to get people together with the intention of including me but struggling to find an activity that people could agree on or all be present for. i asked one of our closest friends about this and, yeah, it's true, she really was trying to help me out for months. i dont think i owe her any apology though and feel it was my choice to do what i did and besides it's not like you can be included in every group outing.

yta

wait, so you were expecting her to include you without ever including her? yta, and you sound jealous of mary. maybe it’s time for some introspection.

yta. this honestly reads like you both are pretty unpopular and want more friends, but rather than help each other try to grow your friend circle you pit her against yourself in a battle for who is the most relatively popular, because it helps you feel better about yourself in the short term, even at the cost of excluding your only friend.

1278tww

aita for stepping down as maid of honor at my sister’s wedding?

my sister [32f] and i [35f] have had a tumultuous relationship. it all began almost 8 years ago when i started dating my now-husband (raymond). my sister has hated raymond since day one. her disdain for him has been expressed in many ways over the years—namely spreading wild lies about him in efforts to turn my parents and others against him, and blatantly ignoring his existence at family gatherings. (trying to keep this brief, but here are two examples: 1) paints me as a battered woman, 2) told her internet following and friends that raymond and i gave our parents covid...when they’ve never had covid.) i have my own speculations of where her hatred for raymond stems from (a jealousy of what raymond has provided for me— encouragement, stability, mentorship, etc). but when i’ve asked my sister why she feels the way she does, the only reason she’s ever given is, “he gives me bad vibes.” her behavior over the years has severely damaged my relationship with her. her behavior has caused problems between raymond and i as well as within my family. it has been a lot to deal with. she refuses to speak with me one-on-one, and she refuses to take responsibility for anything she’s done. it’s so hard to mend a relationship when the other person doesn’t seem to want the same. meanwhile, we’ve managed to get along in a cordial manner, but i still have a lot of sadness and unanswered questions over our relationship’s ruin. now, my sister is getting married in 4 months to a great guy. i was asked to be her maid of honor, and i said yes— i have a lot of bottled up pain from my sister’s past actions, but i have accepted that she will never apologize. my only option for peace is to forgive anyway and move forward. as i was starting to get excited about the wedding planning, she let it slip that raymond is not allowed at the wedding because she thinks he will bring drama. [???] i question it, and she decides he can come, but only because there will be “more drama” from me if he’s not invited. so, i dropped out of the wedding. she is pissed and so are my parents. i have been dealing with almost 8 years of disrespect towards my husband, my relationship with him, and our sisterhood. when is enough, enough? i know she wanted me as her maid of honor, and i wanted to be so as well. but our unresolved issues are so great, i can’t keep bottling it up inside nor can i keep allowing the disrespect. my parents tell me to “get over it” because she’s my sister. aita?

nta

nta. i'm impressed you haven't gone no contact with your sister. she sounds like a right piece of work.

nta. she sounds awful to be around. i’m sorry she can’t respect you and your relationship. you’ve taken it for long enough. putting your foot down now is the best decision you’d made for yourself here. until she takes responsibility and apologises wholeheartedly (it’s unlikely, but one can hope!) then it’s best to avoid her in future.

1278x0d

aita for not wanting to spend my moms rent money?

i (14f) had an appointment today and my mom took me to the appointment and then back to school, but on our way back i asked if we could get something to eat because i was really hungry. at first she declined because she's currently on unemployment due to the job she has, she gets laid off for a few weeks semi frequently, but then she says sure and that she'll take it out of her rent money. i get a little tense because i don't want her to take anything out of her rent money but she keeps asking where i want to go and she said how she can't drive without a destination, so i just ask her to take me to my dads (i've been staying there for a while because my relationship with her has been a little bumpy) and she says "what food do you have at your dads, tv dinners!?" this is true however i didn't want to admit it because i didn't want my mom to think my dad couldn't take care of me. he works swing shift so i only get to see him in the morning. i reply "it's not coming out of your rent money" and she gets really [angry] (i don't know if angry is the right word, she never says it is but i don't know what other word to use, my apologies) because i'm trying to manipulate her to get my way. i don't understand her side at all, so i ask questions like "how is this manipulative?" "what is 'my way'?" and she keeps looping around and i still don't understand her side. i apologized multiple times just because i didn't want her to yell at me, even though i don't know what i did wrong. aita?

nta

nta. your mom is behaving irrationally, and not fully taking on the role of parent in your relationship. she shouldn’t be telling you that paying for a meal is coming out of the rent money because you are a minor and paying the rent isn’t your responsibility. she should have realized that saying that would make you nervous (because of course it would make you worried about not having a home) and you would want to be responsible and not put your home in jeopardy. her job is to ensure you feel secure so you can thrive, not blame you when she throws a scare into you about money and then gets blamey when you try to fix the situation. you were not being manipulative. your reaction is quite logical given the circumstances, but you should never have been in that circumstance. your mom might benefit from a parenting class or two.

nta she knows she should have never mentioned her money issues with you because now you feel guilty. she is trying to deflect her embarrassment and make you think you’re being manipulative which in reality makes her manipulative. don’t let her make you feel guilty for asking or changing your mind.

1278zu6

aita for being irritated over harmless generosity?

let me explain. i own a home with my bf. his mom decided for his birthday she would replace the tub with a walk in shower, as she had known that was our plan. she picked out the shower and replaced the shower, which is fine. i didn’t even think twice about her not asking me if i liked it tbh. this was supposed to be completed in one day, which is what i was told. i’m no carpenter so i didn’t question it. i do work from home though and she has now turned replacing our shower into an entire trial and error bathroom remodel. first: installed shower, then decided she did not like the shower door, so she then got a new shower door. fine, no worries. the new one is much more sturdy. second: had a gigantic hole cut into the wall, this was to check is there were any leaks? i really didn’t think that one made sense but ok. got said hole covered and plastered. third: painted the bathroom a whole different color, without asking me if i liked it or anything. just went to town changing the entire color scheme of my bathroom. fourth (and i expect not the last): i come out of my office today, did i mention i work from home? yes i work from home during her remodel she has decided to take upon herself to do in my house - and i walk into the bathroom to pee. i had known she had been here because i heard her, so i expected maybe a second layer of paint. no. i went to flush the toilet and realized she replaced our toilet. toilet before was completely fine. nothing wrong with it, not old. newer actually than the one she replaced it with. shit and to top it all off i have a four tiered shelf in my bathroom. it was organized efficiently, neatly, and it look absolutely fine. everything had a place. but now i guess she decided everything needed a new place, and now each contents of each shelf has been switched to a different shelf. i haven’t said anything, and i won’t because at the end of the day she is being extremely generous. but… aita for being at my wits end over this? or wibta if i mentioned my frustration to my boyfriend? working from home and hearing constant noise probably isn’t help my irritation with this. t

nta

nta that ain't harmless. she's seeing exactly how far she can push and how much control she can have in your life. it's time for her to git.

nta . it's your house and you should have say over what goes on in it. the shelf thing would drive me nuts, just because she didn't like how it was organized now you have to search you own house for stuff.

12791pt

aita for sort of calling my friend an idiot?

i have a friend that sort of isn't "all there" like he comes up with weird theories about stuff like that jellyfish or sharks will attack him if he goes to the beach, or that people are sneaking and plotting against him, and basically lacks common sense entirely. he will grab a hot pan on a stove and burn his hands or spend multiple days packing a suitcase because i guess it's a complex thing for him to process? i have no idea. he paces around a lot doing nothing and just kind of mumbling to himself. anyways, he has a brother who i always thought was his older brother since he graduated high school a year earlier than him, but my friend corrected me and was like "oh that's my younger brother, i started school two years late" and i was like "well that makes sense i can't imagine how you would have managed school being two years younger lol you barely managed it as it is" this was 100% a joke and i have no idea why he got so offended but he basically hasn't talked to me since or it's just like one word answers and he's clearly very mad at me. i feel bad because he's such a nice guy and really funny and great to be around but he has to realize he has problems right? i don't think recognizing that and mentioning it makes me an asshole but i do feel like one.

yta

yta some jokes aren't funny. i think you understand why this one wasn't particularly humorous. it sounds like your friend was a special needs student. if he started two years "late" i think he realizes he "has problems right" as you put it. maybe you're the dense one here.

**yta**. your mate has some developmental problems, and it sounds like he suffers from extreme **paranoia**, a **mental condition**, which he likely isn't aware of himself (people rarely are) and is unable to control.

127a91b

aita for asking my bf to help pay the bills?

throwaway account my (52 f) boyfriend (62 m) has been staying with me since december, minus two weeks in february when he went to work. when he started staying with me my car was running rough and needed a few things done to it. my bf bought parts for my car and fixed what needed to be done. i didn't ask him to help with the bills since he fixed my car, i didn't think it would be right. i've not asked him to do any thing around the house as far as cooking and cleaning go, but when i would ask him to not sit in the living room in his underwear when my friends are here, or clean out the sink after you shave, he would always argue with me and make an issue out of things ive asked him to do/not do. my friend (55 f) has been staying with me since october. her and i made an agreement that she would keep the apt clean and give me money when she can for her staying here. she's in the proccess of getting her ssi so she doesnt work but she gives me money here and there when she can. this works for me because i don't like to clean and before she came here my appartment was always messy. the past couple months my friend has been sick and in and out of the hospital and hasn't really been able to clean all that much. last week when she was in the hospital my bf made a comment about the dishes not being done. i said well i pay the bills so i feel i shouldn't have to clean except for after myslef and my room. he thought about it for a minute then agreed with me and done the dishes. well my friend got out of the hospital came back and started cleaning again so my bf really hasnt been doing anything. so i told him i would like some help with the bills. he got mad and threw up to me that he fixed my car, gave me $200.00 for doing his taxes back in january, and threw up all the other times he's given me money and done stuff for me. then he said he'll start paying when my friend starts paying. aita?

nta

for the life of me i can not understand why you are with this guy at all, much less allowing him to live with you rent free, bill free, cleaning free, etc. the deal between you and your friend is none of his business. and i love that he used the fact that he paid you for a job that you did for him (taxes) as some sort of example of his generosity. i might say that you need to demand that he start paying rent, but really what i think needs to happen is you kick his unappreciative, lazy ass to the curb. nta.

does he not have a home or his own? he does not need to stay there if he is not contributing in some way. nta but don’t be a pushover

127ab56

wibta if i blocked my ex boss?

so to make it simple: i 19f worked as a night time host and spent a lot of time with my direct manager (about 35m). people at my job considered him weird but i thought he was funny and would crack jokes with him, especially after hours when cleaning up. because of some overlaps with college courses , work time and small pay, i ended un handing in my resignation letter pretty soon. apparently he didn't give the letter to the company because he was expecting me to change my mind but offered no solutions(there really weren't any so i don't blame anyone, yet the company very clearly thought i was just being lazy lmao). when i left, i dedicated literally about 70% of my time to study and catch up on courses i left behind because of work. this means: deleting socials , erasing distractions entirely, kinda living isolated by choice. ever since i left, i get video calls and text messages from him very late at night or just randomly. i rarely pick up now, but when i answered the first few times, it was silence that i would fill because of feeling uncomfy, i generally felt it as a waste of time. the text messages were just him ranting about how morally evil i am that i cant even communicate constantly. again, i used to answer to comfort, not anymore. no one has ever treated me like this and i am scared ! so blocking seems to be my only choice. honestly at this point its freaky, but im scared of repercussions. wibta?

nta

a pattern of unwanted communications, like video calls and texts, is harassment. you don't have to put up with that, op. take screenshots of the "ranting" texts, and print them for your records. then send one text back: *bob, my employment with x company finished on (*date you handed in your letter*). since then you have repeatedly sent me video calls and texts that are unwanted. stop trying to communicate with me and leave me alone. i mean it. jessie* then, send a copy of your resignation letter to x company headquarters, along with a short note saying you handed in that letter on (date) but apparently bob has not provided it to them. thank them for the employment opportunity, wish them every success, blah blah. ...then if you get any more texts from bob, send *those screenshots* to x company headquarters too, with a second note explaining what's been going on. nta

nta. girl, you should tell the people who care about you about this and consider a restraining order. this is some really, really creepy shit.

127axmx

aita for treating my little sister the same way she treats me?

so to start things off my household has always been peaceful besides the few arguments here and there ( we usually talk it out and apologies or made to apologies if someone goes to far, on purpose or by accident by our dad) my household contains me, my little sister, my little brother and our father. my siblings used to live with our mother about a year ago but wanted to live with us due to certain issues. my father, sister and i all have jobs. now....for a few months my dad and i have been trying to get my younger siblings to help us out with house chores, bins, gardening, washing and wiping up etc. so far since my dad works all week and tries to get somethings done on weekend while still trying to have down time, my little brother does schoolwork, the bin and wipe up, my sister works whenever she is offered a shift and nothing else. i currently cant work due to car being out of order. now i've always been taught to never be lazy and not to leave a todays job for tomorrow and not to be a slacker. so since i've been home a lot, i've been doing everything.....and when i say everything, i mean everything. from simple chores to driving my sister to work on weekends (with dad's car) and to the point i've been doing their laundry for my dad and sister. and i'll admit that i am someone that doesn't like asking for help (and yes i know that can be unhealthy, i am working on it) hence me asking for help as of late. dad asked if i could tackle the weeding out the back since we are getting a new fence put up soon and he will take care of everything else. i said sure and went and asked my siblings for help when i noticed it was a bit. now this is when things went south. my brother and i ended up doing the entire garden ourselves and my sister sat in her room reading doing nothing. reminder, she does nothing around the house even before when i was working, only pays bills. so i had enough, i immediately stopped making her dinners or lunches when she wasn't working, i stopped doing her laundry for her, i stopped giving her art advice (its my job, so she asks me all the time) told her to figure it out on her own. and every time she asks for help, advice, meals. all i say is figure it out yourself or straight up "no" i even make sure to put aside the dishes she uses so that it her washing up to do. (i understand i might be a little petty for this my dad says i'm being too mean to my sister and that i've gotten my point across so should stop but i really don't think i have since she hasn't done anything and just "promised" to do more things from now on. actions speak louder then words. i also get my car back next week and don't plan on driving her to work or anywhere when she asks me. am i the a-hole for this?

nta

absolutely nta. you should do for her what she does for the family. nothing. she has been enabled far too long. no rides, no meals, no laundry. nothing equates to nothing.

nta. when i moved out for uni into a shared apartment, i needed a bit of help to learn how to not be an ass and leave a mess in the kitchen for others to clean. my flatmates did pretty much what you did. the great thing about it is that you can immediately show that you are willing to change. you don't have to promise anything, you don't have to grovel, you just start to move your butt and do your chores. your father is wrong.

127b62i

wibta if i refuse to get in the car with my friend driving?

i \[28f\] sometimes hang out with my friend \[28m\]. the issue is whenever we go somewhere and he is driving he gets very agitated when other people drive wrong. like for example, someone overtaking in the wrong lane, cutting him off etc. he starts yelling and screaming at the top of his voice and it scares me. the glass is raised but i have anxiety issues and i just feel afraid. ​ i talked to him about it and he says he's just venting and it is just a way to get it out of his system. this continues to happen every time he drives and it ruins the day for me. i find it impossible to speak anything because i don't know when he is going to flip off because of some idiot driver on the road. if i suggest taking a cab/public transportation \[i cannot drive\], he gets offended and angry. aita if i refuse to get in the car with him driving?

nta

nta you don't have to deal with his anger issues. don't comply with him just because he'll yell at you. do what makes you feel safe, don't let anyone pressure you to do anything.

what is more important: your sense of safety, or his "expression" of his feelings? don't ride with him. let him handle his road rage by himself. nta

127blvt

aita not wanting my boyfriend to leave while im sick?

i (21m) have been pretty sick the past couple of days. its causing me to be dizzy and off balance to where i have fallen over a couple times and needed help getting back up. after those few falls ive now just stayed in bed with my boyfriend (31m) taking care of me. tomorrow my boyfriend plans to go on a fishing trip with some friends. they are planning to be out on a boat for 2 days just fishing. this fishing trip has been planned for a few months now. the problem is that im not sure if ill be any better and asked if he could stay home. he doesnt want to do that since a lot of money and planning has gone into the trip but i have no one else who can come check in on me or look after me if something happens like a fall. aita for asking him to stay?

yta

yta - this trip has been planned for months and had a lot of money go into it. if you are feeling woozy and sick to the point you need help call the emergency line and go to the hospital.

yta he's planned this trip out for a while and poured money into it just to not go because you want him to take care of you like a mother? if it is that bad call emergency go to hospital, have phone on you at all times etc. there's a lot of stuff you can do if it gets worse.

127cfbs

aita for traveling to my old friend's hometown without letting him know?

i (22m) was friends with this guy (20m) for about 8 years now. we first met on the app kik in 2015, which then moved over to youtube and then google hangouts. we were the best of friends you could imagine, talking every night, making videos together, and all that stuff. i thought for a long time that this online friendship would last forever. the peak of our friendship is when we decided to meet each other irl in 2019, around christmas time. we spent a few days together and initially thought we had the greatest time, but in reality, that meetup destroyed our friendship. long story short, he started guilt-tripping me for the bad stuff that happened on the trip every night, letting it overshadow the good parts. this would happen every night even after apologizing. got to the point where i had enough of his bs and cut ties twice, the first time in november 2020 and the second time in june 2021. fast forward to august 2022, time went by and after being convinced that he has changed his ways, i gave him another chance, we even planned another meetup. well, i was already coming into town for a concert, but he found out and injected a meetup into my plans. needless to say, this did not last long. he started to act really weird in calls with him, and he bashed my other friends and went as far as to attempt to pressure me to cut ties with them. it got both my family and me really uncomfortable and caused me to cancel my trip and go no-contact with him, i haven't spoken to him since august. fast forward to today, i flew into his hometown to attend a major sporting event, and i kept this from him because i feared that he would make it about himself again, alongside other crap. he did find out i was in town and sent me a voicemail and texts trying to guilt trip me for even coming into town, saying it wasn't fair after what happened months ago and that his guardians are disappointed in me, and shit like that. i'm worried that he is going to attempt to ruin this trip i've had planned since january and spent a lot of money on. i'm just sitting here in my airbnb feeling a little guilty for not telling him i'm coming, and i have a bad feeling that he is going to send these texts all weekend long. idk how to feel right now. so tell me reddit, am i the asshole?

nta

nta, just block him and he will ruin nothing.

nta. it sounds like you were right not to tell him, and to not make it his business.

127cvzg

aita for throwing away an unattended drink in a swimming pool changing cubicle?

yesterday i took my 4-month old swimming and we were struggling to find a cubicle with a changing table for me to get her dressed. after a few minutes one was empty and available so we went in with our first set of bags. it took 3 trips between locker and cubicle, on the second i noticed on the bench there was an unmarked and unattended paper cup with a straw. it was in the way and a good few minutes had passed since the cubicle became available so i threw it away in the available bin in the cubicle. literally seconds later as i did the final trip from locker to cubicle, a young girl was asking a woman putting stuff way in the the locker opposite where her drink was. her, presumably, mum gestured to the cubicle now containing mine and my daughters stuff, so she went in and obviously couldn’t find her drink. i caught on quickly what was going on and immediately offered an apology and explained that i had put the drink in the bin. the woman didn’t look at me, was obviously disgruntled and there wasn’t an opportunity to offer any sort of explanation, additionally my daughter was starting to get cold and my priority was getting her dry and dressed. the woman muttered stuff under her breath that was inaudible to me as i locked the cubicle door. aita for not doing something else with the drink? should i have offered to purchase a new one for example?

nta

nta. it was an unattended drink. it could’ve been old, could end up getting spilled, could have had something gross or just something not for kids in it, etc.. on top of that you apologized. you did nothing wrong.

nta, and it's so dangerous to leave a drink out in public without watching it. anyone could put anything in there. even if you live in a safe area, don't do that, folks. even if a human doesn't tamper with it, plenty of unsanitary things could happen, too. bugs could get in there. you want to be the idiot that drinks a bee?

127d6f3

aita for asking for a car for free?

my grandma (in her eighties) has wanted to give me(f17) her car for free for the last ten years as soon as i was eligible to practice, but because of her mental state a few years ago my aunt took control of all her assets (is it called power of attorney? i’m not sure). either way, they knocked the price up to 4 grand, which isn’t a lot for a car, but i wouldn’t have been able to afford it for years. my grandma understood what they had done and ran them out, insisting they give it to me for free. they accused me of “snitching” and offered it to me for £2000, which my dad paid, and told me not to tell grandma because it’s more fuss than it’s worth. it just seems wrong to me to lie but i don’t want to upset granna or my auntie, but they told the whole family that i’m always trying to cause drama and now people are giving me weird looks and i’m starting to wonder if i did it all wrong.

nta

nta but also not your problem. this is an issue for your dad and his siblings to work out.

nta i agree with the other commenters here. follow your dad’s lead on this. he knows his family and your grandma’s financial situation. if you don’t want to lie to her, just don’t bring it up. if she asks, tell her that your dad worked it out with your auntie. we on reddit don’t have enough context to know what’s going on here. your auntie could be an asshole who is taking some of your grandma’s money off the top. or she may just be looking out for your grandma’s best interests. most elderly people are not in a financial situation where they can give away a large asset like a car, even if they want to. so what your dad did here was exactly what i have done in a similar situation (for us it was a grandfather clock). btw ywbta if you don’t use your newfound mobility to check in on grandma regularly. i’m sure she’ll be pleased to see you, and you can make sure her needs are being met. if something seems “off” when you visit her, make sure to tell your dad about it.

127dmir

aita for asking to set the thermostat to 70?

i [21f] and my roommate [19f] cannot for the life of us agree on the temperature. for context, i grew up with a family who kept the heat at 60° to save money. she grew up with a dad who let her put it at whatever temperature she wanted. we moved in around the end of october and very quickly i knew this would become an issue. we talked about it then and agreed on 70°. i prefer 68°, she wanted 72° so we met in the middle. every time i leave the apartment, if she is home she turns the heat up to 75°. i wouldn’t care if she did this while home alone, but she doesn’t turn it back down. every time this happens i say something along the lines of “why is it so hot in here” and she always, without fail, gets snippy with me. she always mentions that she is anemic and gets cold easily so she prefers it warm. i have been very patient with her about this, but it feels like at this point she is just throwing it in my face to get her way. growing up in a colder house, this is uncomfortably warm for me. it’s to the point where i have to sleep with my window open and keep waking up congested. otherwise i can’t sleep comfortably. i’ve tried to bring it up to her in an understanding way, mentioning how it’s easier to layer up then it is to strip down. and then she complains “well i like to sleep/walk around in shorts.” as do i, but at this point i literally have to in order to live comfortably. it doesn’t seem like she has any consideration for how i feel about this, and it’s becoming very frustrating. i came home from work tonight and immediately got very warm. i look at the thermostat and it was 75° in the apartment. i turned it down and all she said was “whoops forgot to change it.” i changed my clothes and came back out to the living room and mentioned how warm it was and to that she responded “yeah you already said that, open your window if it’s that bad.” i don’t feel like i should have to adjust my circumstances to accommodate what she wants. our thermostat controls the temperature of the entire apartment. i really don’t think i’m in the wrong here, but she seems to disagree. i told her i thought 75° was an outrageous temperature to live in comfortably and she just says “maybe for you but for me it’s comfortable.” if i were to change the temperature to 65° she would freak out on me, and i know that. i just don’t understand why she expects me to live uncomfortably in my own apartment. i feel like meeting in the middle is a reasonable compromise. another reason this has become so frustrating for me is the fact that she hasn’t paid for electricity more then once since we moved in. we agreed to splitting the cost of all of the bills, but i’ve been the one covering the entire electricity bill, wifi, and our rental insurance. so, aita for asking to keep it at 70°?

nta

this sounded like a classic argument between sheldon and leonard from the big bang theory. youre nta as you stated you've been paying the electricity bill most of the time and also offered to meet in the middle which she refused. so she's ta here. 70° seems like a reasonable temperature. draft a roommate agreement 🤣

nta, i would go the route of asking her to pay larger utility if she is not adhering to the agreement you both made. there are plenty of other ways to keep herself personally warm without actually warming extra the entire place, but she won't go for them until she realizes how expensive her habit is.

127dxi4

wibta for following directions?

so i’m a teacher who due to no fault of my own was asked to leave my position. yes, my union is already on this. i was told that i could make an appointment to get my belongings out of my classroom. this is where i may be the a-hole. when i first got into this class room it had nothing on the walls and no lessons ect. not only did i pay for materials to teach with but i bought and used my own laminator to put posters on the walls. think visual schedules and rules. my plan is to go into my classroom and take everything that belongs to me. this means there will be no more visual schedules and no more work. all walls will be empty. all posters will be gone since i paid for all these things and i have the licenses for them. they are my property, they may have been printed on the schools paper but i paid for the lamination would this makes me an a-hole.

nta

nta, it's your stuff, you paid for it, the school is not entitled to it. take it with you for your next class.

nta. being that the school considered your presence so problematic, i think it would be prudent to remove any "debris".

127dxpx

aita for telling my best friend that i'm never baking for her ever again?

i (20f) started baking in the quarantine as a hobby, just to pass time. over time, my skills have significantly improved, and i've started taking orders from people (occasionally, as i'm still a student and don't have too much time to invest in it full time). however, whenever an important occasion is coming up for my loved ones, i bake them a cake for free. i do this of my own free will, because it makes me happy. a week ago, it was my best friend, zia's 23rd birthday. this would be the last birthday we'd be celebrating together as i'm moving overseas shortly for further education. so, i went all out and made two themed cakes. one of them was a huge butterscotch and caramel cake, decorated with all her favourite colours (pink and white) and very fancy decorations. the other one was a lotus biscoff cheesecake, which is her absolute favourite dessert. on the day of her birthday, we cut the cake, and she gave us all one slice each from the biscoff cheesecake (only 3 of us apart from her). later on, she texted me that she loved the cake so much and is kind of sad that she got to only eat 3/4th of it and wants a whole cake to herself. i told her i'd make it for her again someday. yesterday was my father's birthday. i made two lotus biscoff cheesecakes for him. the only reason i made it was because i had too many ingredients left over from the last time i made it, and because he doesn't like buttercream or whipped cream frosted cakes, and prefers cheesecakes or sponge cakes to them. i posted the photos on my baking account on instagram, and zia saw them. i immediately got a phone call that she wanted one of the cakes. i told her they were for my dad, and i'd make another one for her later on. however she kept insisting, and wouldn't let it go. i caved in and told her to come today and pick up the cake. obviously, i couldn't give her the entire cake, i'd made it for my dad, and for the rest of the family. so i cut up 3 medium sized slices for her and boxed them up. when zia saw them, she immediately asked me why i hadn't packed up the whole cake for her. i explained to her that i couldn't do that because it was for my dad, and the rest of my family. she started her little rant again about how she couldn't get her birthday cake to herself because she had to share with us, and how she's owed a whole cheesecake. she then asked me if i'd make her another one next week, and i told her i couldn't spend time making another cake because of my upcoming exams. this pissed her off and she said that i don't even share a good relationship with my father so she finds it ridiculous that i'm doing so much for him. this was a low blow, and ticked me off. i told her to never expect another cake from me again. now i'm petty, selfish and a bad friend. aita? eta: for those asking to see a picture of the cheesecake(s), it's on my feed.

nta

nta. you did something nice for her, she ruined it with her entitlement. it's very normal when you have a birthday party with a birthday cake that, surprisingly, the guests also get some of the cake. i don't think i've ever heard of someone getting their own cake for their birthday that no one else at the party eats. if she wants another cake, she can buy herself another cake. you already went out of your way for her giving her three extra slices, and she chooses to attack your relationship with your father. you're right that she should never get another cake from you again- nor another text message, phone call, hangout, etc.. the best thing i think you can do for yourself here is let her entitlement ruin your friendship with her.

absolutely nta. this “friend” is literally trying to have her cake and eat it too. you were right to cut her off.

127e26y

aita for scoffing at a guy in the gym?

this is so incredibly trivial but my anxiety is so horrible because of it, so i feel like i just need an awnser. i was on the bench waiting for someone to finish using a machine. i notice hes done and i get on the machine. before i can use it, a completely different teenage boy (about 17?) comes up to me and says "hey i'm using this machine". i get confused so i just get up. he says "yo i'll tell you when i'm done with it dw" so i js go do some squats. i turn around and i see him using another machine so i get back on the machine he was using prior. he says "hey i wasnt finished using that". now, this is the part where i think i was being i bit of a dick. i ignore what hes saying for about 10 seconds but he keeps talking saying "i have like 3 more sets left bro" so i roll my eyes scoff and get off. as i'm leaving hes saying stuff like "why you so mad haha?". obviously now i know he was using multiple machines for supersets, but i was so stressed then i didnt think about it. he also had his group of other teenage boy friends around giggling so i was even more pressured. so, can anyone give their opinion?

nta

i would’ve told him to fuck off so nta

nta >obviously now i know he was using multiple machines for supersets, but i was so stressed then i didnt think about it. if you go to a public gym and its packed, you cant expect to block more than one machines for yourself just because its convenient for that brat. its just a kid behaving like a kid, dont bother getting stressed about it.

127e2yv

aita for telling my brother's friend to not touch my cat

i (16f) have a cat and she doesn't really like people that much she would usually hide in my closet or in my mom's room. but for the past few months she has been just laying on my bed or on my chair or on my lap and everytime someone comes in my room and if they don't touch the cat she is fine but if someone touches her two things would happen. 1. she will let you pet her. 2. she will go full on murder and bit and scratche you till you bleed. so my brother(15m) and i both have autism we are on very different sides of the spectrum. i'm high functioning while he is low functioning and his friend doesn't have autism but she(15f) has seizures and she acts a bit more childish. so she came over the house and she was hanging out with my brother idk what they where doing but they came to my room and she wanted to watch tv in my room (she wanted to watch a tv show that me and her like) i said sure but she saw my cat and wanted to pet her. i told her no dont touch the cat but she wouldn't listen. "but the cat likes me." she said. i told her again to stop touching the cat because she doesn't like people. she eventually stopped and sat down to watch the show but after a bit the cat came back and sat on my chair. she looked at the cat and started to call her name and tried to pet her. i grabbed her arm and gently pulled her away and told her to not touch the cat. but she wouldn't listen i had to tell her multiple times to not touch the cat. i was getting pissed off because she wouldn't listen so i was gone kick her out of my room but the cat went in my closet so i told her i'd be right back. i went to my mom and her mom and told them what happened and i went back to my room so see her trying to open my closet and when she saw me she sat back down. i finally snapped and went to her mom and told her that she tried to open my closet. the mom wasn't happy but my mom said "op stop your gonna get her in trouble." "well im sorry i don't want her to get scratched!" i told her in a bit of a loud voice because i was getting upset. her mom ended up talking to her. tl;dr for telling my brother's friend to stop touching my cat or else i'm going to kick her out of my room.

nta

nta. you're trying to prevent an injury, and the cat deserves to not be bothered if she doesn't want to be. especially after she went to her hiding spot.

nta. your room, your cat, your rules.

127eesn

wibta for not paying for my roommates parking?

long time lurker, first time poster. i (25m) moved into a 3 bedroom apartment in the city with dave (30m) and harry (24m). we met on flatmates.com and decided we would all jump on a lease together. when we all met and decided to look for a lease together, both myself and dave said that we had cars so we’d need a place with atleast 2 parking spots. harry said that he didn’t have a car but that he’d be looking to get one later in the year. while we’re looking at places we noticed that most 3 bedroom apartments in our city only have 2 car parks. all places with 3 car parks were way too big and way too expensive for the 3 of us to afford. harry suggested an apartment and we all loved it, but it only had two car parks. i asked about what the parking situation will be if harry gets a car but we all kind of ignored the question as it wasn’t affecting us yet and no one wanted to stand on anyone’s toes given that we’d all just met and we’re about to be living together. we decided to move into the apartment together. both dave and i have been parking our cars there since we moved in in february. as it is a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment the rent is $900 per week and we split the rent $275/$275/$350 with dave paying the biggest share as he has the master bedroom with his own bathroom, harry and i share the other bathroom. cut to yesterday, and harry has told us that he has bought a car and that he’ll need somewhere to park it. dave found someone else in our building who is willing to rent out a car park for $50 per week to harry and now harry has come to us and asked us to help pay for it. neither dave or myself are not too happy about having to help pay for a car park neither of us need, especially since we were under the impression that we wouldn’t be getting a car until much later in the year and given that he doesn’t really need a car, as harry both lives and works in the city. dave suggesting maybe we could both pay $10 per week to help out, but i don’t really want to pay anything wibta if i didn’t help pay for the car park?? i think i might be the asshole because he did say he’d be getting a car and we should’ve organised a plan before it happened.

yta

yta. harry is, and has been, sharing the cost of your parking spots, which is part of the rent. now it's time you do the same for his. you knew he planned to get a car, timing doesn't matter.

yta, you’re not paying for a car park “neither of you need”, you’re paying to be able to park your car. harry has contributed to paying for your car spaces without complaints via his part of the rent. so either contribute 16 or 17 dollars per week each to him or start rotating your cars so everyone can park in the two car parks that belongs to the apartment.

127evtk

aita for cursing someone out

i (13 female) am in middle school and all this happened on the bus. so a bit of back around i have a really close friend we will call him carlos (13 male) who i'm basically bffs with. so on the school bus i ride they combine the middle school students and the high school students. one time i had to ask carlos about an assignment we had then this kid a few years older than us we will call him phill noticed. so i guess i was being loud and like always carlos and i proceeded to talk for a bit. then phill yelled " bro (my name) you and carlos have to f---!". in my opinion that was so rude and uncalled for. so then i tried politely to tell him to stop but he wouldn't. then he proceeded to to chant " kiss kiss kiss!". that made both me and carlos very uncomfortable. so me being me i cursed him out and said. "bro that was so uncalled for you are being such a b---- you need to stop this stupid s--- because it's bull s---!!!". then he told me that it was only a joke and i take things to seriously. but carlos and i both disagreed. carlos and i didn't talk for a bit then when phill got off and we talked about how weird it was for us. we both hated that experience. so aita

nta

nta - he should have known better. good work for standing up for yourself

nta what the guy did was sexual harassment. he'll be one of those that go whining on the net how about you can no longer make a joke because of all the wokeness when hr tells him that he can't ask co workers if they swallow.

127f0zw

wibta if i go to a different nail tech at the same salon when my usual one is available?

i go to a mall nail salon close to me, i don't get anything fancy ever, just some mani work and gel polish. i have been going there since january and usually go to this one girl that i originally booked. she was super friendly, we clicked, my nails were colored, all good. so i usually book her online the day before, i go in my lunch break and they are not busy at all so she recognizes me, remembers my color choices and our talks so i definitely feel like i am her client now. about 2 weeks ago it was time to go again but she wasn't working that week so i booked another girl whose works seemed very nice. this other girl was on a whole new level. i like my nails super short and she was able to cut them shorter than the first girl, who said she needed some length to apply the polish well. she also did some tricks, like flipping my hand over to let the gel polish distribute evenly. my nails came out 10/10. i was satisfied before but i feel like now i know what a good nail tech is. she seems a bit older (mid 30s maybe) the other girl is young 20s so she probably has more experience also. i want to go in next week and tried to sneakily find a day that the new girl is working but the first is not. they are both available all week. and this is a new salon in a new mall, they are usually all free when i go in at noon, i'm usually the only customer during work hours in there, sometimes walk-ins come in. this is a salon with fixed prices and polish choices so i think it wouldn't make much of a difference in pay for either of them who i choose, other than my tip which i usually give in cash. i'm not entirely sure how that works though. would i seem like a huge a if i go in having booked the other girl when my usual tech is just sitting there?

nta

lmao my anxiety would kill me in this situation. nta but it is extremely awkward doing this lmao , feels like a betrayal even tho it's your right as a customer

nta. i’m a nail tech, and we all have our things we specialize in, tricks we like, different techniques we prefer. literally different strokes for different folks, if you will. if you were my client, i’d probably swing by to say hi, say “oh pretty,” about whatever color, and secretly plot to… learn from my more experienced coworker. where i work, we honestly care about salon loyalty as well as seeing our regulars (i have so many i look forward to seeing, sometimes add a little extra time to their appointments for a kiki), but a healthy salon they shouldn’t care about sharing or trading regular clients. we appreciate you. please, please, see whatever nail tech suits you best. again. you’re nta, you wnbta, you’re good. you’re appreciated whoever you book with, ok?

127fc4d

aita for getting nudes?

hello, i've recently come into a civil conflict of opinions with a couple friends of mine over what i do online. me and my friends all play a fivem gta rp server on a daily basis. for context basically the point of the server is to interact with people, form connections, do activities together and play out characters. in the last 3 months i have recently made a game out of getting nudes from girls that play the server as well. i start pretty much most interactions with girls with this intent (but also to be friends but flirty at the same time). my justification is that all i interact with are legal, mature, and in an obvious clear state of mind. i haven't once taken advantage of someone on the basis of those i just listed. this all began when i realised how *easy* a lot of girls were on the server. their perspective is that i am the asshole because i go into these relationships with the intent to get nudes from girls and that it is "manipulation" in that i am gearing conversations in such a direction to try to get to my end goal. my counter argument is that it is all ultimately their decision whether they send nudes or not. a lot of the relationships i have developed with these girls are sexual in nature because of this however i have never made come that i am into anything romantic. and i genuinely consider a lot of these girls as good friends. am i the asshole for seeking out girls for this reason? and is it manipulation?

yta

yta and a pretty shitty person.

yta just look at porn like a normal person

127fctb

aita for not wanting to go

so my wife has 2 kids from a prior marriage we have one together, so i don't how to call every thing but the dad of my wife's daughters are going in a trip, i was like ok have fun here some money and me and my wife brought them outfits to take. but my oldest stepdaughter told us that his family (her ex) invited us too. my wife told me that she want to go with me and our son too. i told her fuck no there no way i'm going, we had some problems with me over custody of the daughters. i know she really wants to go to this place. we been saving for a new car so we haven't had a vacation in a bit. but i want to know am i being a asshole by saying no fucking way.

nta

nta. however, if it’s not expensive, not long, and you don’t have to be around the ex the entire time, i suggest you consider it. having a peaceful, even friendly relationship with the ex is good for your stepdaughters. i would consider it assuming the invitation is an olive branch, rather than a power play.

nta - they should respect your boundaries if you are not comfortable being around her ex. that being said you can respectfully decline and be cordial abit it though, it'll probably bebeneficial for everyone you don't reject them in the language you just used in this post.

127fdsd

aita for asking my friend to let me know she is coming over even if she has a key

aita for asking someone to give me notice when they come to my house without notice, but they have a key. so i’m spending the weekend with my cousin and i am not home. and my boyfriend is at his dad’s house for the night. my bff hung out with our other friends tonight and decided to spend the night at my house. she was already there. then she asked us if she could spend the night. i said it was fine, but to give us notice maybe a day or a couple hours next time she want to spend the night. she got an attitude and left. she would rather drive an hour home than give me notice. she never knows who else might be staying at our house. sometimes my boyfriend’s brothers spend the night. my bff and i have not been on good terms for the past few weeks. my boyfriend thinks it’s because we are going through that so everything is really touchy right now. my question aita for asking for notice to my house even though she has a key

nta

nta it is **your** house not hers and it is a reasonable request to give notice. i'd take away her key if i were you because this self-entitledness is drawing some major alarms.

nta and it is time for you to change your locks.

127feq4

aita for not wanting to share expensive champagne with my mother?

i know from the title it sounds like a yes, but bare with me. i'm achieving a huge life goal next week, i'm finally submitting my doctorate. it has taken me 5 years. i was gifted a very expensive bottle of champagne for my 21st \~4 years ago, which i decided to save for an occasion such as this. we are not a rich family, and so a gift such as this is incredibly precious to me. my mother is not a very kind person. she puts me down about something every single day of my life. nothing i do, or have done, has ever been good enough, and she constantly compares me to my sister (the golden child). if i did well in school, she'd ask why i didn't get 100%. i came home to visit from uni one summer and the first thing she said was 'wow, you've gained a lot of weight!'. some more examples include criticising what i eat, my lifestyle choices, consistently tries to undermine my decision to not give her grandchildren, even right down to petty things like the way i wash dishes. i do my best too just ignore and let things roll off my as best i can, but her attitude has destroyed my mental health over the years. it's just a never ending stream of negativity followed by gaslighting. it is constant. and she reserves this attitude for me, and never my sister. she's said some truly awful things to me and when i've tried to raise it with her, i get 'that never happened'. i don't want to give her the satisfaction of causing a rift in the family by causing an uproar over her attitude, so i bite my tongue. back to the topic at hand. i'm the only person who drinks in my family. my mother couldn't care less about alcohol, and couldn't tell any two wines apart. absolutely fine. however, she's made a point of saying, multiple times, that she \*can't wait\* for \*us all\* (four of us in the family), to drink the expensive bottle of champagne i've been saving. i know for a fact this has nothing to do with celebrating with me, and it's just an opportunity for her to take away something from me that she know's i've been looking forward to. this is one of the biggest moments of my life, something i've achieved by myself, and with no shortage of criticism from her. all i want is to be able to celebrate by myself and enjoy something i've been saving for years. aita if i tell her i won't split this bottle four ways? note; neither two other members of the family drink either but she's insisted we'll \*all\* be having it, regardless.

nta

nta share it with some friends, or class mates share it with whoever gave it to you share it with three winos in a back alley drink it by yourself its your choice (though we all know i deserve some of it 🤪 )

nta, how in the fuck can she compare you with your sister if you have a doctorate.... is your sister some kind of super genius, not that it matters though because you can't and shouldn't compare two entirely different people. your mother is a complete asshat and doesn't deserve a taste of your achievements, even if she would drink... you should be very proud of yourself for achieving such a high scholars degree and your mother should be too, go out and celebrate however you want :)

127fpu1

aita for coming out to my (15m) older brother (20m) by kissing a boy a infront of him?

so about 2 months i have like pretty much been fully out as gay, my parents know, my older sister knows and all of that. well my brother doesn't live at home, he lives 3 states over going to university and stuff, so yesterday he picked me up from school because like that's how we have been getting our time together while he is home for break. well my boyfriend walked with me to his car and when i was about to leave, we kissed each other and my brother didn't say anything in the moment but when i got in the car and we pulled away he said "well thats new?!" i said "oh yeah we started dating recently maybe he can come over one day while your here" he said "well yeah that but also the whole liking guys thing in general" i told me i expected our mom or sister to have told him by now. he then asked why i just didn't tell him myself. which i said i never really thought it would matter plus we rarely talk anyways. i said it's just something he would have liked to know about and he was upset that he was 1. the last in our family to know and 2. found out by me kissing my boyfriend in front of him.

nah

i'm going with nah. i think your brother was hurt more by the fact that you didn't care enough to tell him yourself about an important part of your life. also, your other family members might not want to tell others about your sexuality because many people see it as outing without consent.

nah just remember that you have a good family with good morals

127ft23

wibta if i report about tax fraud?

it's my second language, sorry if use some wrong words i was buying ice cream in the small isle at the mall. places like this must have mini cash registers, it's a simplified device meant for small businesses to legalize themselves easier. all transactions are registered and taxed automatically. with a 30+years of history or half legal small businesses, petty frauds are still a common practice. they usually say that the register is broken, or low on battery, or system is not responding, or they've just opened and the register haven't arrived yet, and ask if it's possible to pay cash or via direct person to person bank transaction by phone number. the employee was a nice girl, very attentive to my dumb requests. she asked if cash/phone payment is available as they didn't have a cash register. i asked "why, are you avoiding taxes?" and she without hesitation said "yes" looking at me with naive bamby eyes. she said "sorry, our boss tells us to say so..." as a freelancer who legalized myself and pays all taxes, i disapprove this. and usually refuse to pay, leave my purchase and walk away. but this time it was a custom made ice cream of my dream, and the girl was so sweet to me, and she couldn't put the ice cream back on shelf. i decided to pay by phone. my app failed, i tried again, and the girl said "you know what, i don't wanna torture you like this", and took the perfectly working cash register from under the table. i'm tempted to report this business for tax fraud. she admitted it openly. the audacity! they aren't usually that brave/chill about it, and there are cameras around. but i feel like i'd hurt her more than her employer. she was so nice to me... but on the other hand it's wrong. the government is actively working on making it for small businesses easier to survive and simpler to maintain, i experience it myself, they really really made things very manageable. and i feel angry when businesses don't even try. but this girl... i feel like i would be a jerk to her for doing so. reddit, what do you think?

yta

soft yta in my opinion. i mean, yeah it’s wrong but it’s also not your problem. why be a “busy body” and inject yourself into other peoples / companies business unless it’s actively hurting you. i had a neighbor who would call the police anytime anyone parked even 10 minutes in an illegal part of the sidewalk. legally she was right but everyone hated her.

dude, is this some sort of weird bait? of course yta, let them deal with their taxes, let them figure things out in their own right, or crash and burn, just mind your own fucking business and don't buy from them if you disapprove of them. don't be a fucking snitch dude, people got enough going on without you making it worse

127g1by

aita for not inviting a friend to my wedding due to her behaviour at the last wedding she went to?

i (25f) have a friend called morgan (27f). morgan and i have been drifting apart in recent years due to our differing opinions of how she handled a situation at our other friend’s (25f-lucy) wedding in 2019. lucy had asked morgan to make some deserts and sweet treats for the reception and she agreed. this was the only food that was going to be at the reception other than cocktail sandwiches. they agreed on the price (for the sake of simplicity, let’s say £500 for all the baked goods- this isn't what they actually offered, it was much more) because when they organised this, lucy and her partner were solely paying for the wedding. about 7 months before the wedding, lucy’s parents offered to pay for the remaining fees which they took up. this meant they theoretically had more money to pay morgan for the food she was making. this is how it looked on paper, but in reality, the money was swallowed up quickly by other fees and whatnot. i guess morgan found out about the ‘extra money’ at the wedding and tried to ask lucy for more but lucy refused... because she literally didn't have it. morgan wanted £2000 now instead of £500. so, she took the all baked goods and put them back in her truck and so no one had anything to eat for most of the reception. lucy was obviously having a breakdown and her partner/the families of the married couple/all our friend group were trying to convince her to bring the food back in but she refused. luckily, some people went and ordered a ton of pizzas, burgers, milkshakes, etc and the wedding was saved but it caused so much unnecessary stress. i have sort of stopped talking to morgan but she is vaguely in the friend group because she’s loosely related to lucy and she’s been trying to ‘get over it’ because they see each other at family gatherings. anyway, i announced my engagement december and we’re getting married in august 2023. everyone but morgan is invited. i'm not trying to be a bitch, but she has shown herself to be very vindictive and calculated in her malicious actions since this wedding debacle and the last thing i want is her kicking off. we have a seperate group chat that morgan is not in, but she knows i'm getting married and is upset that she's not invited. she called me and asked why i couldn't invite her. i told her that 1) we're not friends- even before lucy's wedding, we were more acquaintances and 2) her behaviour at and after lucy's wedding has made me doubt her maturity and i want my day to be special. i know i can't prevent everything from happening at my wedding but if i can remove one factor (someone who is known for being argumentaive and vindictive) for my own anxiety, then fine. now she's trying to convince lucy to convince me to let her come. morgan is super upset at me and my fiance. aita?

nta

nta. increasing your price with ample notice is an asshole move. doing it on the day of the wedding means i can no longer respect you or be associated with you. i would not have allowed morgan to remain a part of my friend group unless she took full accountability for the insane stunt she pulled.

nta - though a bit baffled that lucy is still speaking with morgan! that’s a hell of a friend!

127g8tq

aita for taking days off at work?

little background story: i’m currently in my last year of apprenticeship and my exams are coming up (2nd week of may). i’ve been studying like crazy these past weeks after i was in the hospital (i fell from a horse onto my head and fractured my spine) ultimately putting me on sick leave for 5 weeks in total, because i couldn’t sit or stand for long periods. now i’m back, trying to power through and easter holidays are coming up. i decided to take 6 days of paid leave as i won’t stay in this company and i just need some time off. my boss granted it without saying anything as i’m sure he’d grant me anything, knowing that i’ll be gone in like 2 months anyways so he doesn’t bother. queue a colleague of mine, he argued with me when i told him about how i couldn’t take the time off bc i’ve been sick for that often and for that long and how it’s so unfair that i "get to stay home" and have "so many more free days than everyone else" and he’d be left alone again with all the work he has to do. at first i was like i wasn’t home because it was my choice but now i’m starting to think he might be right and it might be unfair. like sure, i didn’t really get to do anything other than laying around for most of the day bc sitting was impossible but i got to sleep in longer and just in general not be at work. so aita for taking those days off?

nta

is your colleague going to take you in and support you if you don't pass the exams? who is he to second-guess you and also your boss? live your own life op, make your choices. be the best co-worker you can, but pass your exams first. nta and i hope you feel better soon

nta. your coworkers doesn't decide if you can take days off, your boss do and he just did.

127gj0u

aita for not inviting my brother to see a movie?

this feels like such a small issue but my brother is making a huge deal out of it. so recently my mother (49f) and i (21nb) saw a movie in imax together to spend some time together outside the house since my brothers and i still live at home. we saw the movie, had a great time and then we went home again and thought nothing more about it. then the day after we were in the kitchen and i mentioned the fact that the movie was better than i had anticipated while my oldest brother (24m, we'll call him luke) was there with us. he asked what i was talking about and we simply told him that we went to see a movie, which apparently caused all hell to break loose. he went on a long rant about how it's unfair that we didn't tell him that we were going and that he should've been invited to come along etc. thing is, we never hid that we were going, luke was in the room with us when we booked the tickets and discussed our seating. the reason we didn't invite him was firstly that he would be working during the only imax viewing on the premiere day (we do not live in the us so there's only one imax cinema that's close to us) and he's stated before that he wasn't interested in this particular movie so it basically came down to not wasting a bunch of money (i live on student loans and mom doesn't have the best paying job in the world) on someone who doesn't actually wanna see the movie. but he's adamant we should've asked him to come along. i guess he could be feeling left out that we're going just mom and me, but we didn't invite the middle child either (23m) for the same reasons and he's not angry about it? i'm the one who asked our mom if she wanted to see the movie, if he wants to go out and spend time with our mom he's free to do so, he just needs to ask her (she loves spending time with us). so aita for not inviting him?

nta

nta. ugh, op, your brother sounds like a bother. 1. didn’t want to see the movie 2. was working during movie time 3. didn’t realise he’d missed out until days after the fact 4. proceeds to hiss and wail like a fire extinguisher with a puncture live your life. bro will eventually learn the earth revolves around the sun and not his inflated sense of entitlement.

nta. ​ he knew you were planning to go to cinema assuming he heard everything. even if he didn’t hear, he could ask your mom and you. invites don’t drop from the skies. he’s being a baby.

127h2g6

aita for accepting when my nan gave me more money than my cousin?

my nan is in her late 80s. i am 30 and my cousin is 29. we both have 1 year olds. nan cares for my cousin’s kid on a daily basis - takes her to playgroup, feeds her, changes her, watches and plays with her so cousin can go out or just rest or unwind etc. and she’s done so since the kid was born. she doesn’t do the same for my kid because it’s not possible. so to even things out (in her mind) she spends more on my kid’s gifts and also will send money my way every couple of months. i use this for basics like nappies, food, clothes etc. or put it towards savings if i have enough basics for that period. my aunt i guess figured out that nan spends more on my kid and is now raising a huge fuss about how nan is discriminating between her great grandkids and how i’m an awful selfish person because i accepted the money. i don’t think i am but it’s caused a division in the family

nta

your aunt should first calculate the monetary worth of all the babysitting your nan does for your cousin. and then she may talk again. nta

honestly w nan. nta op. it's nan's money and time. she chose how to use them to help both you and your cousin. she spends more time and personally helps the cousin's child, and gives you more money to compensate for not being able to do the same with your child. that's some maturity and reasonable thinking with compassion for both. mad respect to nan. i really hope your cousin's child does not take after the aunt tho...

127hkkz

aita for not calling my mom

i (30f) have a complicated relationship with my mom (58f) she was both giving when i grew up but also willing to stonewall me, physically hurt me when i was being annoying, and called me a lot of derogatory names. i invited her for the holidays. while visiting, she all but encouraged me to leave my fiance (said he was basically abusive, which he is not. an ass sometimes yes but willing to work on himself) and made both of us really uncomfortable with her behavior (taking issue with how we do things in our lives and around the house, trying to do things i asked her not to do etc.). i told her i love my fiance and wont be leaving him and she dropped it. but now there is a lot of tension and i am struggling to talk to her. i send her messages but the idea of calling her makes me nervous. she also never calls me first which makes me feel more guilty about not calling her. aita?

nta

nta - you should call her if you have something to talk about or if you want to talk to her, but if not, well that's that... not everyone have a close relationship towards their parents, and that's just how it is!

nta. phones work both ways. however, since she has been/is abusive to you, she doesn't deserve any of your time and energy. there is no need to contact her at all in my opinion.

127hmmp

aita for not taking care of my cousin when got sick?

i (23f)have spent the last week at my cousin’s (26f) because she is sick and can’t be left alone. i am the only family that she got in here. her parents and siblings live 2 hours away from here. when i first came to this city, she let me stay with her at her place for a while (3months) until i found rent. i appreciate what she did for me, since it really sucked when i first got here. so i kind of feel like i owe her one. she is chronically ill. every once in a while she gets really sick, i go to her place so she wouldn’t be alone. i usually stay 1 to 3 days. until now i didn’t mind it. she got sick on saturday. i was at work when she called. i went straight to her place after work and i’ve been staying there for a week. fast forward to today, i felt like this is too much for me to handle. my university didn’t have classes this week, so it was okay to stay with her, i didn’t have to skip classes or anything. but finals are next week and i still haven’t revised anything and i really just want to go to my place because i’m tired. i also have a 9 hours shift of work tomorrow and i doubt that i can make it through the day without passing out with so little hours of sleep or none at all. so i told her that i have to go and she has to call her family or someone else. she said she’ll stay alone. but she clearly can’t be left alone. after talking to her she said she’ll call a friend.(i’m not sure if she really did, she expects me to come back to stay the night with her, then call her friend tomorrow) so i went back home. now i feel guilty and selfish because she was in an estate that one shouldn’t leave someone in. i feel like i could’ve just stayed more and maybe study later. so am i the asshole for leaving someone who is sick and who helped me out once by choosing to put my best interests first? (my apologies if the situation is not well explained, english isn’t my first language.)

nta

nta. if she can't be left alone, it's time for her to move to a care home or some sort. you can't study and work and act as her nurse at the same time.

nta at all. you did help for a week. how long do these episodes last? you are not responsible for her care and cant be expected to put your life on hold indefinitely for this.

127hp0q

aita for telling my stepsister i'm not surprised her child doesn't get invited to parties?

my stepsister, micah, and i have daughters a year apart. micah's daughter gemma is 9 and my daughter serena is 8. gemma has had behaviour issues since i can remember. when she was younger she had constant tantrums, couldn't sit still, and would vandalise anything she could get hold of. as she got older, her lack of manners and destructive behaviour made her nearly impossible to be around, and besides that, she was really mean. she told my daughter that her modelling campaign photos were ugly, she calls people stupid constantly, teased my mother's dogs to the point she isn't allowed near them anymore, she's just not nice. the other day, me and micah were at our parents' house, and my stepdad mentioned serena's birthday, and that she was having a small party (4 girls from her class for a shopping/spa experience and sleepover). micah asked me if i was planning to invite gemma (previous years serena had large, so we invited gemma as a courtesy). i said no, because serena is having a small part for her friends this year and since the girls are not close i was not going to force her to invite gemma. micah said i was teaching serena to exclude people, to which i said that not being friends with someone isn't excluding them. this conversation went back and forth for nearly ten minutes, and i was getting fed up of trying to be diplomatic, because i know for a fact that micah is aware of what gemma is like (she complains often) so i didn't see why we were skirting around the obvious. then micah said that i should show some compassion since serena's party might be the only party/play date gemma is invited to this year. i just said i wasn't surprised. micah asked what i meant by that, and i said that gemma is not kind to the people around her and lacks social skills and she's at an age where kids will notice that and not be forgiving. micah seemed taken aback and said that she can't believe i would be so cruel about a child. she got her things and left and is apparently not speaking to her dad because he didn't stand up for her over what i said. she has also said she won't be coming to any upcoming family events. my stepdad said i was right and that while he finds it hard to be honest about gemma, it's good that i was. my mother said while i was right, as a mother it's not an easy thing to hear about your child. my husband says that i should have stuck to saying no to gemma coming to the party and left it there because she isn't our concern beyond that and i should stay in my lane. i'm kind of questioning it now because i am someone who generally does try to stay in my lane and not get involved in other people's parenting or family business, but the comment was topical to what micah was trying to force me to do, so i'm not sure if i was out of bounds to say it. aita? eta: gemma has been seen by several child psychologists and paediatricians for an adhd/autism/other diagnosis. she was found not meet any of the diagnostic criteria. i believe the last time she was tested was around 6/7.

nta

i’m going with nta i’m sure she knows that gemma is a difficult child and has social skill issues. but there seems to come a point in which parents will start ignoring it and treating their kid like they’re exactly like everyone else, purely for their own convenience. it’s not cruel at all to point out that a child struggles socially to their parents. it would be cruel if you crouched down to gemma and told her she was a horrible nasty child that is going to get bullied for being so rude. even then, not inviting someone to a birthday party is not exclusion. if gemma truly will ruin the experience at the party for your daughter and the other girls, it makes perfect sense not to invite her

nta. micah pushed for answers and she got them. i’m sure she was just hoping her pushiness led to an invite, so it’s a faafo situation. is it hard to hear that your child’s behavior is unpleasant? absolutely. could this be a catalyst for micah to step up her parenting game? i hope so - for the child’s sake. empathy is hard to teach but behavioral consequences should definitely be present.

127htli

wibta if i tell the school i'm not ok with having a designated student to ask my son why he's upset

**tl;dr**: school wants to assign a student who asks my adhd son what's wrong when he's upset, and repeats the answer to anyone who wants to know. i think those kids should all learn to mind their own business. i'm 40f and i have a son jake 11m who has adhd. he has treatment for this. we don't live in the us, ada doesn't apply alas. one of jake's current issues is that he has frequent meltdowns at school because of his poor emotional regulation. this escalated when he changed schools last summer when we moved. we are working on this issue with the school and his doctor and therapists. there has been progress but it's still an issue. when he's overwhelmed and has a meltdown, he ends up screaming and / or needing to leave the room, occasionally throwing a book on the floor or something similar. outside of those events he is a mild-spoken, polite kid who tries to be nice to everyone. things that are upsetting but manageable to others can send him in a spiral. he doesn't have a good relationship with his peers because of that. the class as a group discusses on a regular basis with their head teacher what to change for a better learning environment. my son is a regular topic of discussion. apparently he has had outbursts because when he's visibly upset and cranky, the other students come up to him and ask him what is the matter with him, and after being asked by x different people he eventually melts down and yells at everyone to leave him alone. it’s really hard for him to calm down after a meltdown and obviously it also disrupts the class including the people who didn’t bother him. their solution to that is that there is a designated student each week that has the job of asking my son why he's upset and telling the answer to the others. my son thinks it's great because that means he won't be bothered by 10 different people until he's in crisis mode every time he has a bad day. i'm appalled, however, that the teachers can't tell the other students to just mind their own business. none of those kids are my son's friends, they politely tolerate him at best, and they shouldn't have an entire process to satisfy their curiosity about the reasons of my kid's emotional state. i think he's probably become the subject of a lot of classroom gossip because of his symptoms. my husband says our son seems to be happy with this, that whatever works is fine, and i shouldn't interfere. i think jake is happy to go from a really crappy situation to a somewhat less crappy one but he shouldn't have to put up with either. school is hard enough for him. so wibta to tell the teachers this is ridiculous and they should tell their students to just not bother my kid when he's visibly upset. the "intervention" of asking what annoys him does not occur when my son has a meltdown and disturbs the class, but when he looks upset and is still quiet and controlled. once he has a meltdown he can't have conversations anymore. when that happens he leaves the classroom so he can calm down without further interrupting the class.

yta

i was leaning on n t a before i finished reading, but i am going to go with a soft yta. your point of view is understandable, but the person that can truly decide if this is good or bad is your son. he says that he is happy that only 1 person will ask him what is wrong and that can help him calm down sooner. while i understand you want them to mind their own business, that is difficult for them to do with 1 student having an outburst and then needing to take the time away from class to assist them. in the end, let your son make the choice.

because your son himself thinks this is a good idea, and so does the teacher, and because the students are cooperatively working to help him and their class as a whole, yes, yta here.

127hu2v

aita for telling my friend she's a shit person for forgetting my gift?

me and my (old) friend, 16f have slowly been falling out of friendship. it sucks but i've lived with it. however, roughly two years ago, she was obsessed with a certain character and as her birthday led up, i decided after 4 years of friendship, i'd go all out for a gift. although there was a bunch of other things, the main gift was an action figure or movable figure of the character she loved. she adored it but since there was alot of smaller pieces, she never opened it. still, i saw it every day until one day it was gone, she told me she had lost it and i believed her. tonight, i get a message asking if i liked the game still, i said yeah and asked why. she sent me a picture of the figure in its box, telling me she found it and wasn't sure where it came from and wanted me to have it. i said sure, and then told her i gave her it. she didn't bother to say sorry, only being shocked and saying things like "woah i really forgot i'm surprised". eventually, i got sick of it and told her she was a shit friend for not only forgetting it but not even bothering to say sorry. i told her she didn't have to like it, but she lied to me ages ago, didn't say sorry for her mistake and just been shitty all around. my heart hurts but i feel like an asshole because i snapped at her, it might’ve been a small mistake but she's lied to me for years now and it feels like i wasted over 100 dollars getting that for her just to be told she forgot. so, aita?

yta

yta. you tried to do a nice thing with the gift, but just because she didn't love it as much as you thought she would, does not make her a shitty friend. i think your need for an apology is just your fat ego. she didn't necessarily do anything wrong. let it go.

yta. i think it’s just different ways people see gifts. you don’t get to yell at someone for how they consider a gift. i mean. you haven't said, or maybe don't know, what other stuff she got for her birthday that time. it's possible she got utterly showered with things and lost track of all the stuff. i don't know that its a great friend who doesn't know where stuff come from. but obviously you put a huge amount of effort, thought and money into this gift. just because she didn't recognize that doesn't make her a shit friend. not everyone focuses on gifts as their expression of affection.

127i49j

aita for not inviting my gf to the movies with my sibling and my bros gf ?

my sister, my brother, his gf and i(m24) are going to the movies tonight in order to watch this new released famous movie and now my gf(f24) is mad at me bc i didn’t invite he she’s like “everybody is going but me” the thing is she’s live a bit far from us and my brother and his gf are living together in the same city of my family so it’s easy for my bf to include her but including my gf would’ve been complicated for the organisation and now she’s vexed isn’t her reaction a bit childish?

yta

yta if it’s too much effort to include her, why are you dating her?

yta. why would you exclude her? because you have to go pick her up?

127ir5i

aita? did i do something wrong here? i'm in a band and i think all my bandmates hate me

so, i'm in a band, and here, we all share the same taste in music. the only problem is that i'm 14, and they're all like 16-17. so basically, something happened with my guitar and the drummer in my band sent me details to fix my guitar on my instagram. this is where we started talking a little bit. i asked him about music-related stuff (since he's probably the only person in my school who shares the same taste in music as me) and we kind of bonded. not like in that sense we just vibed together. i asked him stuff about music and he asked me stuff back. he seemed interested in talking. this was platonic and we were just chilling. so, since i finally found someone who shares the same interests as me, i used to ask him about songs, playlists, etc. one day, my friend (she's very trustworthy, doesn't gossip, and is a no-nonsense person) told me that the drummer and his friends were talking shit about me. his friends were looking through his phone (idek why) and saw my messages. the drummer then went on to tell them that i always message him and that i probably like him, which led to a whole class discussion about how i'm so young to be liking someone and that i like him, etc. she told me a very basic description of what they said. (another close classmate of theirs actually confirmed that they said this stuff. i don't know why but she went on to say stuff about him. she said he was egotistical and fat-shamed people and had anorexia. i don't know why she decided to tell me this and it's kind of shitty to use anorexia to prove that someone is an asshole). i didn't like this rumor at all (i don't like drama and i'm not staying at this school very long so i don't want rumors and gossip and i want to be on good terms with everyone), and i decided to contact him about it. i don't like unnecessary drama and it's even worse with older kids. i messaged him basically saying something along the lines of, "hey, did you guys talk about this", and "i don't like you, i'm 14 and you're 17 and it's honestly kind of funny how you think that", and "i just tend to overshare when i talk to someone who shares the same interests as me" and that "i just want to be friends". it might have sounded a bit blunt but it wasn't that offensive. it seriously wasn't that rude. it wasn't even very long. he sent a 'k' in response and then proceeded to show everyone in his class my messages saying something along the lines of "what's she talking about" now, he's okay with me because i apologized and he did too but whenever they don't like something i do, for example, if i tune my guitar very slowly, they'll tell one of my friends who they like and are good friends with. they won't tell me directly because apparently, "i get mad easily". i never have been mad at them or yelled at them or anything and i usually just keep to myself. he doesn't do this but i think his friends do. was i way too blunt? was i too rude? is this my fault? what do you think is going on here?

nta

dude, what the hell? you're talking about bands and such because you're, oh, idk, in a band with the dude. this would be like me saying to anyone "oh hey, cool slipknot shirt, do you play any instruments? i play guitar and i love slipknots riffs". or "hey, nice ride the lightening shirt, i love metallica but have you heard of megadeth"? so what, now i've automatically got some crush on them just because i love to find similar music that i listen to? and if you're in a band you need to find similar music to find a direction. if not, you're playing things like mayhem, they're playing things similar to green day, and the whole thing just sounds like a bunch of crap. nta, but your bandmates have some serious growing up to do.

nta. i think your should quit the band. they sound really immature and mean. it's an asshole move to show your private messages and he is for sure going to keep doing it and talking trash behind your back. it sounds like they're actually the 14-year-olds, not you. you have might have similar taste in music, but that doesn't mean they're nice people. it's always better to have friends you share values with rather than share interests with. also - and i have this discussion with my daughter (15) all the time, she says i'm just old - talk face to face in situations like this. there really is a much smaller chance of misunderstandings and a lot less worrying if you accidentally sounded blunt/rude/mad etc. enemy you see and hear the other person. it might be a little harder to work up the nerve to do it, but i promise it's worth it.

127jhmr

aita for telling my friends not to eat the schools food

i'll keep this short as i can. my school runs a restaurant where students work, i refuse to eat there as a bunch of kids touch the food un-gloved and while sick. i work in the restaurant for credit on my gpa, and yesterday (3/30) we were making soup. i get out the milk and my group prepares the station, but before they add the whole milk, one of them makes a sound of disgust. we all look at him, and he tells us the milk went bad on the fourteenth of that month?? they walk over to the chef and her response to this gross news was, "oh yeah don't worry about that, just use it anyway" and she waved us off?? i immediately texted my friends about it, and told them not to waste their money on expired milk, in response to this, a bunch of people now know about the expired milk in the kitchens. one of my friends messaged me this morning (who also works at the restaurant) and said it was rude of me to tell anyone that, because the milk didn't smell bad, and it wasn't clumpy. i argued back and said "but chef didn't know that, she didn't smell it, it could have been moldy and she just didn't care." he then said it was an asshole thing to do and could get chef in trouble, but i don't care. its so gross to be using 2 week old expired milk especially in a school restaurant, and i think it was completely justified to tell my friends. so aita for risking my teacher getting in trouble by warning my friends about the milk situation (additional information- our school is not low budget at all, in fact, we had fireworks at homecoming and we have pretty good cafeteria food. this is the first time i've noticed the milk, as i usually do the dishes i didn't have the goal for this to be known by a lot of people, it just happened because i'm friends with a couple popular people at the school district) tldr; we cooked with 2 week expired milk and i told my friends not to eat the food we made with it

nta

nta: people could get sick and you were warning them. but how about letting the principal know so it doesn’t continue to happen?

nta. some things are fine after the expiration date. i have no idea how long milk is ok afterwards because i don’t drink it. but anytime someone says “you shouldn’t have told anyone because now that person could get in trouble” is a situation where maybe that person shouldn’t have done that thing.

127jj5q

aita for refusing mil input at wedding

i was abused as a child by my father and badly bullied. diagnosed with anxiety at 6, depression at 14 and was in and out of therapy from 6 until 28. i people pleased my entire life prioritising others, never saying no and being guilted and manipulated. after therapy i've finally started respecting myself and setting boundaries. i also have a strong aversion to people now trying to control me. partner had to parent his mum as she's sensitive gets upset and sulks and cries. she has a strong sense of entitlement that because my partner is her son that gives her the right to interfere with his life whenever she's bored or fancies it because she's "just trying to help". future mil knows my background but throughout relationship has constantly meddled. when we moved cities she went behind our backs and enquired at an estate agent on our behalf, when we moved house she got upset because we didn't want her involved on the day and still invited herself up days later despite us not even having furniture. she sews a lot and forces her creations on us when we don't want them then calls us ungrateful. if we try and set a gentle boundary she ignores it. if we are firmer she cries, sulks then her daughter interferes. for years i've tried hard not to hurt her feelings but it's at a point where i feel rage and resentment towards her for this. planning our wedding has been a nightmare. we wanted to do it ourselves. my family have respected this. she has not. she tried to force me into wearing converse with my name on, she tried to push us into her choice of venue, she sulked we didn't want her making favours, she got upset that my partner didn't want her to make his buttonhole. i got her involved in flowers to try make her feel included but she was pushy choosing bouquets she liked rather than what i wanted, she's offended that my partner wanted to go suit shopping with me not her and when i tried on my dress and was nervous about weight gain told me i am fat compared to what i was. last week she went behind my back and enquired at a seamstress about alterations to my dress despite me telling her not to. i told her she needs to respect our boundaries and she told me to stuff myself. she apologised two days later and promised to take a step back. despite this she's gone behind my back again and asked the seamstress to make me a bag to go with my dress - i didn't want or ask for this. my partner told her she shouldn't have done this and i may not use it and am upset she's meddled again. i understand her intention and feel bad she's paid for the bag but we have opposite tastes i didn't want to be forced into wearing something on my wedding day i didn't want or ask for. she's now upset with me and sulking i'm also upset but feel guilty. i fear if this continues how it will impact on our future pregnancy and kids. partner has my back but she won't listen to him either.

nta

nta, what a psycho. stop telling her anything. she doesn’t even need to know who your vendors are at this point. make sure the vendors all have passwords and know the situation in case she tries to call and meddle again. you’re going to have to start getting harsh with her. let her cry and pout. let her daughter get pissy. who gives a fuck? she’s being psychotic.

**nta** you've been much too gentle and accommodating. start with the seamstress. tell her that you'll not be wearing anything that you did not request. do not worry about money that someone else threw away. then tell her and her daughter to butt out. you and your partner really need to work on how to set boundaries. a good start would be for the two of you to read anne katherine's two books about boundaries. the first explains what they are and why they are important to us as individuals. the second, *where to draw the line*, helps you do just that. be firm with both you

127jpuh

aita for not wanting to talk to my sister?

my sister(33f) recently moved and is trying to adjust to a new place. she recently complained to me(30f) that i never call her. which i realised is in fact true. i do text her though but i don’t call her. i have mental health issues and have been through multiple “silent phases” over the years. though we never had any major issues between us. i’m currently going through another such phase and don’t feel like talking to anyone. yesterday i sent her a pic of something that i bought to share the news with her. she instantly called me and said that i have forgotten her and that i don’t call her ever. she also said that she felt abandoned. i told her i don’t have much to talk about and am still solving my issues. she said i’m just making an excuse to avoid her. she knows i’m not talking to anyone, not just her. i still pick her calls and have never shunned her or acted rude. i feel like i might be the asshole because i haven’t called her *ever* since she moved.

nta

nta - tell her: i’m not avoiding you. this isn’t about you. speaking on the phone causes me anxiety, which i’m working on and in the mean time i’m happy to text. i love you.

i have had 3 phone calls in the last month, 2 of which were appointment reminders. i haven’t talked/texted my own sister in over a year, and don’t really contact anyone aside from my wife. no one complains that i don’t call or talk to them that much, and we see each other on holidays. nta

127jqaj

aita for not telling my wife to tone down her dancing at our wedding?

throwaway because my wife has reddit. my wife (29f) and i (29m) got married last weekend. we’ve been together since first year of uni and got married on the 10 year anniversary of the day i asked her to be my girlfriend. we’ve grown up together, got through thick and thin and i know there is no one else i want to spend my life with. for context, my wife is half spanish and we incorporated a lot of spanish traditions into our wedding. it also meant that, with all her family there, the reception turned into quite the party. i was pretty tired after dancing for a while so i went to sit and talk with my family whilst my wife kept dancing with her cousins and friends. after a bit of chatting, my mum and aunt essentially told me that they weren’t too pleased with my wife’s dancing to songs like “low” and “sexyback,” saying that her slut drops and “wiggling her bottom like that” weren’t appropriate on her wedding day and were disrespectful to me. to be honest, i didn’t see anything wrong with the way she was dancing - it was nothing more than i think any person would dance to songs like that in the club when they were having fun and had a couple drinks - and i told them as such. they said i should tell her to tone it down, but she was having fun with her friends and i didn’t see anything gratuitous about it, nor was she super drunk, so i told her it wasn't my place. we ended up wrapping up the party soon afterwards anyway. the morning after, we had breakfast with my family and my aunt mentioned to my wife that she was pleased that i eventually got her to “tone down the fiesta.” my wife asked what she meant by that and my mum told her about the conversation from last night (my wife has told me about this, i was talking to my dad and uncle at the time and didn’t hear). my wife apologised but was then very quiet for the rest of the day, and when we left the hotel she was very upset with me, saying i should have told her that she had offended my family and that she was humiliated that i hadn’t told her anything about it on the night, like my aunt had assumed. i was sorry that she was humiliated but i was not sorry that i hadn’t told her to tone it down, because in my opinion she didn’t do anything wrong. she still thinks i should have just told her because now she won't have a good relationship with her in-laws (she doesn’t have a good one with her parents). i’m mad at my mum and aunt and want them to apologise to us, but she refuses to bring it up with them and wants to apologise again to them when they come over this weekend. i want to stand up for her because i think they're being incredibly rude, but she doesn't want that, she just wants to mend bridges. she's still upset with me because i don't see it her way and because i'm not sorry that i didn't tell her. so aita?

nta

you and your wife are nta your family is so controlling and rude that when going to you didn't work, __they told her to her face that she danced provocatively__ and pretended you did what they told you. this needs to stop immediately. you need to stand up for her and give them serious consequences. otherwise, they will continue this throughout your relationship.

nta. i am proud of how you handled the situation but mostly for not ruining the fun your wife was having. your wife tho needs to unlearn to accept that kind of sexism just because she wants to have a good relationship with her in-laws or anyone for that matter. the fact your mom and aunt sexualized her dancing at her own freaking wedding is disgusting and sounds like a them problem.

127jyjr

aita for telling my mom to stop protecting my adult sister?

my sister (32f) and i (26f) have almost always had a strained relationship stemming from childhood. it has gotten better over time, however recent events have caused my sister to ask/talk about everything to me through my mom. i try to keep it open (text her with questions, chat every now and again) but we don't talk every day which is ok. my mom speaks with her daily (sometimes twice a day) for an hour or more each time. my sister does have a boyfriend, but lacks really any friends. i am getting married and there was some discrepancy about whether i would give her a plus one for her boyfriend. my fiancé and i agreed all plus ones need to be together longer than a year, and we will have had to met them. they've been together for a couple months and only i have met him (my fiancé has not). my sister made it sound through my mom that she doesn't want her boyfriend to come to the wedding since our whole family will be busy obviously, which i understood. so being that he doesn't check the boxes and my sister doesn't want him to come, i thought well if i don't give her a guest, that would solve the problem for all parties right? my mom then essentially guilt tripped me into including him. after a blowup between us, i made the decision myself to include a guest for her. ​ naturally now my mom is happy because my sister is happy - however i pointed out to my mom that all of the communication surrounding this issue came from her rather than my sister whom was part of the topic of discussion. my mom then said that "she said you shot her down about it," when my sister never even spoke to me about the situation, but instead went through my mom for this. i finally said to my mom that she is a 32 year old grown adult who should be capable of having these communications with me and that she needs to stop speaking for her. aita for saying this?

nta

nta op, i hate to say this but it sounds like your mom has a favorite, and while i totally agree with what you're saying, your mother may just never want to hear/fix it. obviously she cares about your sisters feelings more than the biggest day of your life going smoothly. i hope your wedding goes amazing, you deserve it. and i'm sorry you're dealing with this favoritism.

nta, you’re absolutely right and your mom shouldn’t facilitate the communication between you and your sister. i had the exact same issue with my sister (same age gap as well), and our mom being in the middle only worsened things for all of us. i suggest speaking to your sister directly on these kind of topics and if she isn’t interested in that, then have no communication at all.

127k99a

aita for honking at the car cutting in front of me?

when i was driving to work this morning , i was going through this green light. there was this uhaul cut out in front of me and cut over three lanes over. i was scared and slammed on the brake and i honked at the driver . the driver immediately rolled down the window and flipped me off and said fuck you. i just ignored him and kept going to my work. he somehow cut back over to my lane from 3 lanes over and went to a complete different direction than he was intended to go before. he was literally following me now. when i was stopping at the stop light by my work, he sped past me and then flipped me off again and cursed again. and i saw him uturn back to the direction he intended to go and sped away. so aita for honking this uhaul?

nta

nta , but with today’s road rage climate you need to be careful out there.

nta people in the us like to get angry at the people who call them out on their bs. a girl cut a stop sign that i was at one time and came within centimeters of hitting me but then had the audacity to flip me off because i honked at her. some people just don't ever like to be in the wrong.

127kf4e

aita for owning an expensive doll

i’ve been friends with jessica for many years. my parents were teachers at extremely poor inner-city schools. they had me and my sibling. my parents wanted more children, but 1) they couldn’t afford that and 2) my mother had a traumatic birth experience with complications. the doctors said another pregnancy could kill her. so my parents decided to not have more children. finances were always tight. we lived frugally. my parents took side jobs. my sibling and i did jobs around the neighborhood for pocket money, like raking leaves. we got by and were happy overall. jessica’s parents had her at 18 (an unplanned pregnancy that they decided to keep, as was their right). the two decided that jessica’s father would get a job while her mother would be a sahm until jessica went to preschool. jessica’s parents had 4 more children. jessica’s father made enough to support everyone, but it was still a stretch. jessica’s mother refused to get a job once the children went to school and rarely cooked or did housework*. the children never went without but they didn’t have many extravagant items. as a child i loved american girl books. i found out that the company sold dolls of some of the characters but they were about $80 — expensive. i talked to my parents about getting one. i said that it could be a combined birthday and christmas present and i could contribute the money i’d saved from the neighborhood jobs. my parents said ok. other family members also contributed. i got a doll and she became my most prized possession. i still have her on a shelf next to my spouse’s transformers. they all get along nicely! i have a new apartment and jessica came to visit. she saw the doll and became upset. she said she always wanted that doll growing up, but her family couldn’t afford it. i empathized and said i wished she could’ve had one too. she said that sort of thing was for spoiled rich kids. she’s familiar with my background. i explained that we weren’t rich, but were fortunate enough to be able to save up as a family. she said that i didn’t know what it was like to be part of a struggling family and some other similar comments. i pointed out that her parents could afford a big family with only one person working a job while many people can’t. i said that she was fortunate in other important ways, like her mother was healthy enough to give her 4 amazing siblings (i’m friends with them all). jessica rolled her eyes. i said that it sounded like she has some resentment about her childhood but she shouldn’t take it out on me over a doll. a mutual friend said i was rude to bring up jessica’s background. *i only mention the cooking and housework part because some might point out that doing all those things for a large family would take up a lot of time, not leaving much time for employment.

nta

nta—who even complains about something like this as an “adult”?

>a mutual friend said i was rude to bring up jessica’s background. uhm, no. jessica was being rude about *your* background. all you did was remind her that she was fortunate in other ways that aren't necessarily financial. nta.

127kkjv

aita? i want my son to stop playing sports

fake account. i 42m have 1 son with my ex wife. we have been divorced for 9 years. she has a full custody. i get him every other weekend. my issue is that he has played soccer and bowling for years. it has interfered with my time. he seems to have something every saturday. i asked his mom if he can take a break. she told me if i wanted him not to play i have to tell him. so i called my son he is 13. i told him that him playing sports is taking too much of my time. plus i don't like that he has broken 2 bones. and countless bruises and scrapes. i am afraid people will think he is abused. just 2 weeks ago he showed up with 3 cuts on his legs. when i asked his mom she was like who knows he is always out and about. so after i told him. he basically said he wants to keep playing that soccer is his favorite and bowling is fun too. he basically told me i never go anyway so it's no big deal. now he is right. i never played sports so i don't get the fun. i called his mom and said he wants to play but i won't contribute anymore. i did say again that i don't like the idea of him playing. he has broken 2 bones. i did tell her i may consider talking to a lawyer. she laughed. aita???

yta

yta. also, no judge is going to force a 13 year old boy to quit playing two sports he loves just because dad is too lazy to get his ass up on the weekends to attend.

"i am afraid people will think he is abused." worst excuse ever. he may be now spending part of his time playing football (doing something that he likes with his friends) but if you take that from him guess he won't be spending time with you because he will be mad. good way of making him not like you. yta, sorry. ​ being abused, lol. thanks for making me laugh. xd

127kms6

aita for telling my grandmother not to contact me for a couple of days?

for some backstory: my gma has raised me since i was about 7. my mom had a problem with bad men qnd my dad was in medical school. consequently, my gma was also with me when i almost died of kidney failure due to my autoimmune disease: atypical hemolytic uremic syndrome. she was on the careflight, slept in the hospital room, everything. so, while i love my parents, my gma and my aunt will always be my real guardians. okay now here's what happened: i'm in the er a lot because i have an auto immune disease and my body isn't responding well to dialysis. but when i'm there, i have a strict no phone call policy. it's rude to my nurses, doctors and roommates if i'm there yelling on the phone for half an hour. so i just don't take phone calls. if it's important you can text me, and my gma rings through my dnd so i'll get her texts no matter what. she knows this. she's also very aware of this no phone call boundary i've set. but two days ago, i was in the er, they were fully admitting me and going to do a surgery. guess who calls me (not exaggerated) 12 times in 20 minutes? my grandmother. so i text her to ask what's the matter and she flips out at me for not picking up. when i tell her why, she's still losing her mind and her exact words were: "what i'm calling you about is more important than whatever you're doing right now. you can take a 5 minute phone call." so i hung up on her. i was fuming and not about to take that kind of narcissistic attitude from her. so i texted her: "please do not contact me for 3 days. i need time alone away from you to decompress from this situation and you breaking my very clearly set boundary. thanks." i got 10 texts from her in under 5 minutes saying all about how i'm wrong and being disrespectful. i've had to mute her, she's gotten so bad. but now i'm having second thoughts. should i go and apologize? am i being too harsh? i mean she saved my life a couple times back in the day, maybe i should give her a break? i don't know. i'd love some of your opinions, and thank you reddit.

nta

i… a dog sweater? while you were being admitted into the hospital and about to have surgery? nta to the highest degree. her throwing it in your face constantly that she “saved” you when she was just doing what any decent human being should do for their grandchild is gross. once you are feeling better i would have a serious conversation with her about her respecting your boundaries.

lmaooo nta. keep that three days! mute her on everything. mute anyone who carries messages from her. you need this. and so does she. a consequence for her actions will do her good.

127kof9

aita for telling my future sil she can't bring a date to our wedding?

i, bride, (25f) and groom (30m) are getting married in a couple months. we are in agreement about this situation but others in the wedding party think we are assholes. context: groom has 3 siblings that are all female. the oldest sister (os) is married to an asshole and they are always on the verge of splitting up but have stayed together so far because they have 2 kids. we sent out wedding invites early (6 months out) as many of our guests need to make travel arrangements to attend (os does not). we sent an invite to os and her family addressed 'the last name family' to make it clear that os, her husband, and kids were all invited. the issue: os and her husband have since separated and she now has a new boyfriend. she has assumed that she still has a plus one to invite her new boy friend. we don't want him there as we have never met him, the whole situation makes us uncomfortable, and it doesn't fit any of our decided criteria for a +1 (married, engaged, been dating 1+ year or bride/groom has met them). not only have we not met him but grooms/os parents haven't met him. grooms other sisters just met him yesterday. it sounds like os and her kids are planning on moving in with new boyfriend. we asked younger sister (best woman) to let os know that new boy friend is not invited. she thought it was rude of us to say and it's like we are taking away her +1. to us we didn't invite so +3, we invited the family. now that family has one less person in it. are we the assholes?

nta

nta for not wanting the new boyfriend to come to the wedding. you can invite who you want and shouldn't feel obliged to give plus ones. it's nice to give a plus one where the boyfriend or girlfriend has been around for a while, you know them etc. but it's your choice. but, y t a for making his younger sister tell the oldest sister. why didn't you both stand up and tell her yourselves? it isn't fair to put younger sister in that position. your wedding, your choice, your message to deliver.

nta. it is perfectly appropriate to say that you are only doing +1s for serious long term relationships. also, in case anyone else is thinking about sending invites 6 months out, don't! you send "save the date" at that time. invites go out 4-6 weeks before, by which time all the important people know the date already.

127ky0q

aita for not helping my boyfriends sister with her part of rent ?

for starters, my boyfriend (m21), his sister (f17) and i (f21) live together. my boyfriend and i have lived together for a year, and his sister joined us about 6 months ago. we just moved to a new place. i immediately found my boyfriend a job working with my parents. i lined a job up for myself too but don’t start until the second week of april. this morning my boyfriend said he wanted me to completely pay everything for may since he had to cover this month. i said no because he hadn’t worked for 3 months so i had been spending every dime i had on living. he was upset, but understood. the real conflict started when i said we’d need to split things by thirds. he said his sister is 17 and shouldn’t have to. however, when he asked her to move in i told him i wasn’t comfortable with that and he said it was non negotiable. while she shouldn’t have to pay rent. she’s a high school drop out with no job who takes all of my belongings without permission. she has a felony and continues to want to do the things that got her in that situation. for these reasons i don’t want to cover her costs of living when i said i didn’t want her there. instead of working she just expects us to buy her snacks, vapes and whatever she wants. i cook for her, clean for her and help her with supporting herself the best i can. but i refuse to keep spending my money on her because there’s things i want to do and i haven’t been able to spend money on myself in months. he’s really angry that i won’t help him financially support her. aita for not splitting her portion of rent & bills with my boyfriend?

nta

this can’t be real? surely your bf is not that naive. nta you should stand your ground on this one. or better yet get as far away from him as possible. he doesn’t sound like much of a keeper

nta. why continue with the arrangement if you are not being respected?

127l2e5

aita for telling my stepmom to stop hijacking my grad school search?

i (24f) am finishing my masters in applied math and just landed a full time job on campus. over the next year, i’m going to also inquire different universities all over the state i live in, about their doctoral programs in math education. i’m definitely going to apply to the school i’m currently at, too. i was visiting my dad recently (he lives a few states away) and my stepmom asks me what my plans are with my new program search. i told her what i mentioned above, and she then asked if i wanted to tour the department of the university she works at (they only have a masters program, and it’s definitely not what i’m looking for). i told her politely no thanks, i’d rather stay in my state bc of residency & bc i really love it there, but i appreciate the offer. she then aggressively starts insisting i just “have an open mind and give it a look” and my dad kept urging me to do the same. i reiterated that i’m not looking at masters programs, bc i already have one, and i’m only interested in doctoral programs with funding. she then angrily replied that it’s not fair to my dad bc i went to college in the state my mom lives in (parents live in separate states) and moved to a different state for my first grad program. she said it would be nice if i’d just do my education degree in their state so that way my dad can finally have me close by. i explained to her the reason i went to the school i’m at now is because they offered me generous funding, and her school would’ve made me pay completely out of pocket (she tried this whole shenanigan previously when i was an undergrad applying to math programs). i told her it was out of line for her to be stepping in and dictating where i choose to do my studies, as she’s not the one paying or going to classes. she angrily claims i’m being to close minded, to which i reply she’s unfairly crossing the boundary i’m trying to set with her by hijacking my graduate school plans.aita here?

nta

nta. if you already have the masters, why the hell would you go to a school that only offers a masters? do your own thing and if she keeps pushing just stop replying.

nta tell your step mom and dad to grow up

127lbt7

aita for telling my brother he can't stay committed to his late wife forever and he needs to move on?

my brother is 36, was widowered at 22. he married at 19. his late wife is the only woman he was ever with. they had two children together a girl and a boy. both kids were tiny when their mother died. 14 years later my brother has never dated, has spoken about wanting nobody else, how nobody could ever compare to his wife and generally rejects any chance to see if a spark could happen with another woman. at first i figured he was focused on his kids and would find a way forward to find love again in time. but four years after his wife died it became clear he was not interested and was outright adamant he would not move on. i heard that he had turned down several women. and has continued to do so over the years. even offers to spend time as friends and see if more happens. it feels like he's dedicated to remaining a widower for the rest of his life. i worry so much about him and so do his friends and the rest of our family. i have asked him before why he doesn't try to find some companionship and he says he doesn't want it. that he's a married man and that has not changed for him. he told me he swore as long as he lived and that's a promise he wants to keep. his kids are now older and have grown used to it being just them. they see it as so romantic and nice that their dad loves only their mom and never wanted someone else. it worries me and recently i brought up the subject that he deserved to find someone to love again. he told me no, that i need to stay out of his business, that we all do. i told him we worry about his loneliness when the kids move out and start their own lives. he said he doesn't worry about that because he has more to his life than just work and raising his kids. he also said he was committed to his wife and that's his choice. i told him he can't stay committed like that to his late wife forever and he needs to move on with his life. he told me it's not my decision and kicked me out. aita?

yta

yta. he's right, it's none of your business. if he's happy that's all that matters.

yta- why are you so concerned about him having romantic partnership? he seems like he's doing well and has been a great single dad to his children. people don't always have to be romantically connected to someone, it's weird you're pushing this so much. leave it be and let the man live his life the way he wants

127lge6

aita for wanting to move out with my gf during ramadan?

hi, im 23 m living in islamic household. my gf is christian and is from another country, another continent in fact. we are ldr but initially we lived together when we met during our exchange year in the same country. i saw her in december last time, and now i want to go and visit her again. but first, she is coming to visit me in my city tomorrow. i am so excited, and i told my mum and she became very angry. she told me that i am an "atheist" and i don't belong to the religion. she said i'll be punished for doing this during ramadan and i should call her mum anymore because i've basically lost her as a mother, she will never forgive me and that i am a disgrace. i feel so upset, i couldn't focus on school because she kept spamming me with long paragraph texts like this, also threatening to cancel my phone contract if i don't share my location with her immediately, and told me she found my gf's address of a parcel box she sent me a while back (even though the sender's address is never on a parcel so i think she's calling my bluff again). she told me she will write a mean letter to tell her family what she thinks of them and that she's going to tell them about what she thinks of their daughter (my gf) as well. she has constantly shown how much she hates my gf over this past year since we started dating, always calling her rude names to me and hating the fact she is not from our religion. i'm starting to feel less attached to the religion at a time where my mum is becoming a lot more religious, she never used to be like this. she told me not to come home because i disrespected ramadan. i told her that's fine and i blocked her. i love my gf and want to see her, and im fed up of my mum, she is rude to me. my dad was supporting me to see her this whole time until my mum got angry and he jumps ship and blames me too, so weak. aita?

nta

nta parents that emotionally manipulate their kids and show only conditional love are ta.

nta. your parents are being manipulative. partly if financially since they're saying they're going to disconnect your phone. and emotionally saying that they're going to send a note to her parents personally i go with no contact if i could

127lgl4

aita for telling my friend that i'm here for her?

my friend olivia (not her real name) and i (both 20f) were friends since middle school and i’ve always considered her my best friend. she’s usually this happy bubbly person and i love hanging out with her. olivia vents on her instagram private story occasionally since university started. i dunno, maybe it’s just the stress or something. anyway it doesn’t bother me that much but i don’t know how to respond to that because i’m not good with feelings. one day i texted olivia (i replied to one of the stories) telling her that i don’t know how to reply to it. she said it’s fine and that i don’t have to reply to her rants, but it makes her feel better writing it down. i thought it’s not a big deal and moved on. it was her friend’s (let’s call her amy) birthday last week and she wrote her a sweet paragraph saying how amy the only person who’s here for her (olivia). we were on call because we were playing video games together when i saw the post she made (i used my computer to call so i could use my phone for other things). i confronted her and said how amy isn’t the only person here for her because i’m here for her as well. olivia said it’s because amy was there for her during some tough times. i don’t think just because one person is here for her doesn’t mean the others aren’t, so i told her that. i also said i’m here for her now as we are on call and we hang out pretty often because we’re in the same university so i don’t see how i’m “not here for her”. i told her if she cares about the instagram stories (her vents) that much then she shouldn’t have lied by telling me it’s okay not to respond. olivia said she figured that she couldn’t talk to me about her feelings when i hung up on her twice when she needed someone to talk to (that was in our freshman year and i thought the “no response rule” applies in real life anyway?). i told her just because i don’t like dealing with her feelings doesn’t mean i’m not here for her, as we constantly get lunch/go to the movies/do other stuff together. she said she didn’t want to talk about it and asked if she could hang up. olivia hasn’t reached out to me since but i still see her around with her friends (i don’t know if she thinks they’re “here for her” or not) as we both live on campus, so this isn’t one of those situations where she doesn’t feel like talking to people/hanging out (that happened before but it was just for a few days). i’m wondering if i said something wrong or if she’s just moody but what i really meant that night is that i’m here for her. i’m thinking if i should’ve let it slide and not confront her about it because that was a birthday paragraph and it was meant to be sweet. i don’t want to lose her because she’s really fun to be around.

yta

being there for someone doesn't just mean being physically present, it means emotionally supporting them. if you don't like "dealing with her feelings" that's fine, but don't be surprised when she doesn't feel supported by you. it doesn't sound like you are a good friend to her. yta.

yta "one day i texted olivia (i replied to one of the stories) telling her that i don’t know how to reply to it." why even say that? people often use private accounts just *for* venting. you don't have any obligation to reply. "i told her just because i don’t like dealing with her feelings doesn’t mean i’m not here for her, as we constantly get lunch/go to the movies/do other stuff together." i can actually hear the *whoosh* as the point goes over your head. you want the 'clout' of being there for olivia but none of the effort or responsibility. i can see why she's not exactly in a rush to hang out with you anymore.

127lhq0

aita for not wanting to go on a drunken weekend with a friend i don’t like.

a little back story: my wife and i recently went through a rough patch where we separated for a few months. we have reconciled and are working together to better our relationship. obviously things are not perfect and the things that have happened take time to heal. i will not go into full detail on all the things though as i don’t want this story to be too long. there are things that happened during this time when it came to my wife and her drinking on the weekend that influenced our separation. my wife has a friend that lives in another state. this friend hasn’t always been my favorite person. i didn’t always dislike her, i just didn’t really enjoy the time being around her nor did i feel she was the best influence on my wife. this friend is older, divorced multiple times and kids with multiple people. she likes to party a lot. when i first met this friend i was younger and the partying and staying out late didn’t bother me. as we have gotten older (my wife and i will be 31 this year) and now have a son, the partying isn’t something i am interested in and as of this year i gave up drinking. again with back story, during our brief separation my wife went to spend a weekend with this friend, was drunk the majority of the weekend. during this drunken weekend my wife’s friend takes my wife’s phone and texts the friends ex for explicit pictures as a “joke”. this was later uncovered on accident by my wife when she was showing me something on her phone. needless to say it made me extremely uncomfortable and this is not the first time something this friend has done has made me uncomfortable. i personally do not view asking for explicit pictures as a joke myself. i am a guy and i wouldn’t see this as funny if my friend did and for sure didn’t in this instance. flash forward to now, my wife’s friend wants to go to nashville tn for her birthday and wants a big group of friends to go, spend hundreds of dollars staying drunk all weekend and partying. as i said, that’s just not my scene anymore nor am i the biggest fan of this friend. the weekend they are planning in a few months off and my wife has mentioned a few times about wanting to go. i have avoided the topic for the most part but i absolutely do not want to go and honestly have no intention of going and nor do i want my wife going without me like i feel she will want to do if i say i don’t want to. aita for not wanting to go? is there a good way to go about bringing this up? our relationship is way better than it was but it is still not at 100% at this point and i know going will not be good for us but i also know that saying i am not going is not going to over real great either.

nah

you need to have clear boundaries with your wife about what behavior is acceptable in your relationship ... and you need to chill out and let her go drink with her friends if she wants without trying to control her. nah at this time.

>but i absolutely do not want to go and honestly have no intention of going and nor do i want my wife going without me nah here, but you can tell your wife "hey enjoy, but the drinking scene isn't for me", or you can go with her and offer to be the dd/sober chaperone for the drunk ladies, but you don't get to say "no, i'm not going and i'm forbidding you from going too." she's your wife, not your kid.

127lky3

aita, kicking a person out of a wake for my father

my dad has had a neighbor who was bothering him for years in newark nj. their feud got to the point that this neighbor plotted with another neighbor to cut down my dads handicap parking sign. my dad had double knee surgery so he needed to limit walking, and in newark the parking is crazy hard to find so i can understand how neighbors might be annoyed they can’t find parking on the street. the two went to court multiple times for the incident and thankfully my dads best friend had a camera set up from his office so the fuckers were caught red handed cutting down the sign. a year goes by and the guy wouldnt stop being a dick to my dad, on the phone he would tell me that the neighbor called him “hop along cassidy” i never understood the hateful comment but that one stuck to my dad and he would feel so shitty talking about it. on monday my dad passed away and during the end of the wake yesterday i noticed the neighbor is there. this was my first time seeing him so i asked him his name, when he replied and i confirmed it i asked him politely to leave. he stood his ground and was like “wait a minute..”where i cut him off and told him “you are not wanted here.” so he stood his ground once more trying to get closer to my dads casket and i finally broke and screamed “i told you to get the fuck out of here you peice of shit, how fucking dare you show your face around here after you cut down my dads handicap parking sign!?” i had never screamed so loud at someone in front of my family. i truly don’t think my dad wanted that man at his wake. but at the same time i recognize that forgiveness is a trait worth having. i just can’t help but feel like my dad would have been happy to see me stand up for myself and him and kick that guy out.

nta

nta you asked someone who made your dad's life difficult and showed nothing but malice twice to get out. third time, you got loud. he earned that one. funerals are for the loved ones left behind. he's not one of them, nor did his presence bring comfort. condolences on your loss. don't give this another thought and focus on grieving.

nta. he treated your father badly and had no business going to your dad's funeral. you asked him to leave and he didn't. also, forgiveness is earned if and only if the person sincerely apologizes and you have the desire to forgive.

127lmmh

aita am i the asshole for telling my friend i want some distance while they’re going through their own issues

recently my friends been nothing but upset at the world, every time we’d play they’re complaining, i’d switch to something else they’re still upset, initially i was being as supportive as possible by trying to distract them with activities, talking it out, offering advice but at some point i couldn’t take it anymore, it was constant, and it was all targeting me. i still 100% want to be their friend but hanging out wasn’t fun anymore. i brought this up to my friend and said that i’ll gladly hang out with them but im not gonna be talking till i notice a difference. my friend was on board with it initially but that lasted 2 days now my friends upset at me because of it. am i an asshole for distancing myself from my friend?

nta

nta you're not your friends therapist. venting is ok, and important, but if the venting is non-stop, with no feedback from someone who can actually help them deal with it, then it's just reinforcing a negative coping mechanism. your friend needs a therapist.

nta. just let them know you will still be their friend but at this time he needs help from a professional and trying to be that for him is damaging to you.

127lmt5

aita (25m) for not wanting to give my mom (62f) her dog back?

the title sounds worse than it really is. i (25m) live with my wife (25f) and our dogs. back in early january, my wife gifted me a chihuahua puppy as an early birthday gift. my mom found out only one puppy was left and really wanted her, so we decided to go half and half on the price so that she could take her home. however, my mom asked me to train the pup until she was 3 months old (the pup was 6 weeks at the time. too young to be from parents but i can’t control that) after much work, i managed to teach the dog where the food, water and pad was. she was successfully using the pee pads the 1 1/2 months she was with me. march 3rd my mom took her home, but every few days she calls me to complain that the dog does not listen to her. the pup pees in the cage, poops where ever she wants and even goes through the litter box. she called me earlier this week telling me to come get her as she can’t handle her anymore. i agreed as i have the pups sister and figured she’d be happier in my home. the pup is 4 months old and needs to be retrained completely. i’m due to pick up the pup today in the evening, however my mom called me this morning telling me that i better bring her dog back. i asked her what she meant as she had previously told me that she couldn’t handle her, was frustrated and wanted the dog gone. but now, she wants me to retrain the pup and give her back in a month or two so that the pup “doesn’t forget her” as it’s her dog. i believe it’s unfair to the dog to have her bounce between two homes as well as me do all the hard work of training her to only bring her back to my moms who will not train her. my mom isn’t home from 8am to 6-7pm mon-fri. my brother (31m) is home but won’t upkeep with the training as it’s not “his dog” i don’t feel right giving the pup back when i genuinely believe she will call me back in a few months to retrain her again. i think it’s better off i keep her therefore she’ll be trained and my mom can come visit her at my home whenever she’d like. my wife doesn’t think i’m ta but my mom fully feels i’m in the wrong and an ah for trying to “take away her dog” so reddit, aitah? edit #2: people keep mentioning that i shouldn’t have gotten the dog knowing she was allergic. i actually has no idea she was allergic to her as she’d come to my home several times to see the pup and no allergic reaction occurred. it started after the pup started living with her full time.

nta

i'm confused why you would even help her get the dog in the first place if she's gone 10 hours a day and allergic. i think you're both ahs for putting the dog in this situation in the first place. however, nta for not wanting to give it back. she doesn't need a dog she can't care for.

nta. in fact i think you are doing the right thing. not only are you caring about the pup, you care about your mom too and can see that she is struggling. animals are innocent creatures with emotions and personality and they deserve to be treated and loved like people. i think you are making the right choice that benefits everyone. she may be feeling sad and hurt, but dogs are not humans, they live in the moment. if you train the pup one way and she changes that routine of course the dog will react to them. i think it is good to let mom visit, but it sounds like the responsibility is too much for her and that's ok.

127lrkb

aita for not allowing the ex-wife to share a hotel room with me and our daughter?

context, i am 45(m), and my ex-wife 38(f), has been divorced for 3 years. i have primary custody of our daughters. the youngest is 14(f) and has a soccer tournament out of state. she has neither the means to travel to it nor the means to pay for a hotel room. the daughter has stated that she does not care if she goes. their relationship has been strained since the divorce and her mother's actions came to light. fyi, it is a single room with 2 queen beds. update to cover most ask or implied questions.: the being a better person/parent is something i strive for, but doubt i will ever be the best parent possible. drugs were involved to the extent that i have been on prescription painkillers for 16 years at the time of the divorce. i received 90 pills for a 30-day supply and she would steal 60 of them. i did not notice at the time or over the years due to she handled my medicine for me due to memory issues. it was not till i was prescribed medicine for my memory that my cognitive abilities came back. in essence, the ex-wife kept me in pain for 15 years so she could get high plus other things. i tried to get her help before it went to divorce. the tournament has been known for 30 days. she is a lukewarm mother that is semi-involved due to not having a stable income or a stable place to live. she moves from partner to partner every few months. i do want my daughters to have a positive relationship with their mother. however, i have been used, and that does weigh on my mind when i make these types of decisions. i hope this was helpful.

nta

nta a divorce means that you are single again. you can eat, sleep and do whatever you want. no way to include the ex in your daily life.

nta. yeah no. your daughter is old enough to have boundaries and choose for herself. take a video or something. who even asks that kind of question? that seems kind of shady.

127lvue

aita for wanting to skip my brother’s wedding cruise?

i moved to australia over 20 years ago and (apart from during pandemic lockdowns) i visit my family in the us at least once a year. in addition to this annual pilgrimage i also try and visit friends and family in europe every couple of years. to get to the point, my brother and my future sister-in-law recently went on a cruise, which they loved! and shortly after returning… they booked a 7-day cruise for their upcoming nuptials next year. now, i would be more than happy to plan my annual trip home around their wedding dates, but i have no desire to take a cruise at all… much less a 7-day cruise, which severely limits my time to catch up with friends and family who will not be invited or attending my brother’s wedding. i don’t know how (or if i want to) tell my brother how incredibly selfish i find his wedding plans, but i also don’t want him to resent me for having my own reasons for not wanting to pay a silly amount of money for a 7-day cruise to attend a ceremony and celebration lasting a few hours. aita?

nta

nta a cruise, especially a 7 day long one, is a very inconsiderate wedding plan, imo. it automatically uninvites people with fears of open water, people with fears of boats, people that get motion sickness, some cases of claustrophobia, and people who are unvaccinated/undervaccinated.

nta. i suggest you rsvp "no" and try to get by on that. if pressed, don't go beyond, "sorry, that just doesn't work for me, but thanks for the invite."

127m4qy

aita for telling my niece not everyone is religious?

went to dinner at a family member’s house. my niece was there and said we need to pray before we eat. i told her not everyone prays, so she said her mom told her if you don’t pray you are going to hell. i said i don’t believe in any of that and that other people have different beliefs. it’s ok to believe in something but not okay to try and force it on other people. now her mom is mad at me that i told her that. aita? we were at one of my cousins houses, not at her moms house. she is 6 years old, but according to previous talks with her mother she has “a great fear and love for jesus” still makes me cringe. i did not force my views on her, i simply told her that there are other beliefs out there. i agree that if someone doesn’t believe in what we do=eternity in hell is a terrible thing to teach a kid. thanks everyone for the opinions but there is no way i can get to all of the comments!

nta

nta- you told the truth not everyone is religious, she was going to learn sooner or later

of course someone who threatens someone with hell is going to be angry with you for saying it doesn’t exist. this awful parent has no other way to control her child. and yes, the child deserves to know about reality. nta having said that, it’s important that you tread lightly here so that you can keep being a good influence in this kid’s life. if you get kicked out of her life, you can’t do that.

127m9pu

aita for putting a tray down for coffee and cat food

i (37f) own my home & let my son's father(43m) live with me. we've come to a semi agreement that i clean the kitchen he cleans the living room, sometimes that crosses if needed but basics stay the same. basic rule is also that we don't add to the other persons mess the main mess should be the kids. he drinks instant coffee & honestly most nights when i scrub counters the soap suds turn brown from coffee & i say scrub because the sugar is stuck to the counter. there's always coffee spills, granules and sugar. i just learned last night that even though we have fought about him wiping the counter down after feeding the cats if he makes a mess (every night) he doesn't see it as an issue if he puts the cat food can lid onto the counter, food down, and just throw it away without cleaning it. this is right after i've cleaned everything. i do all of the cooking & i hate having to clean up so many times because he just leaves a trail. so last night i put tin foil onto a baking tray & told him he can make his coffee on that & do the cat food on it and replace the tin foil every once in awhile. i honestly didn't say it maliciously just a "hey, i hate the spills etc on the counter & the cat food grosses me out can you just do it on this tray" he said i'm dehumanizing him. this annoyed me and i asked "if that's dehumanizing you then how is you making this mess & just expecting me to clean it not dehumanizing me?" his retaliation to that makes him the asshole 100% which is why i'm pissed enough to be asking, but regardless of that, aita for giving him a tray to make his messes on?

nta

nta he can't clean up after himself? this is completely disgusting. he's also teaching your child that it's ok to be messy and expect other people to clean it up.

nta i think it's time you ended the arrangement.

127mooy

aita for telling my sil that i think almost everyone would benefit from exercising and to stop acting so jealous?

for context, 5-6 years ago (in my late 20's) i realized, as many people do, that i could no longer eat and drink whatever i wanted 24/7 - i started packing on weight really fast and it made me feel uncomfortable. i swear it had very little to do with looks and a lot to do with how i felt - i like to hike and be outdoorsy and i was struggling to do those things. i made adjustments to my diet - i began to eat very clean at home so that going out i could just eat whatever i wanted and not obsess. at the time, i explained to my now husband (we had just moved in together) what i wanted to do and he actually agreed that it would be beneficial for our long term health. we've both done this ever since. i also started going to the gym. i run for 30-45 minutes every day (except rest days) and do about 5-7 hours of strength training per week. we also hike a lot. because of these changes, both my husband and i have athletic looking figures. the problem is my sil. i don't care what she eats, never commented on it, generally love being around her. but she is constantly commenting that my husband and i "eat like cows" and says that we're "privileged with skinny genes". i try to explain that just because we eat unhealthy/in excess once a week (ex: we'll get an app, cocktails, then each get an entree with a side, and split dessert) when we see her doesn't mean we always do, but she doesn't believe me? i kind of learned to ignore these comments but over the weekend she looked at me at my birthday dinner when the rest of the table was quiet and said "how's it feel to be god's favorite", and said i was lucky to be born a 'skinny bitch'. i sort of "lost it" and explained in detail (again) that my husband and i are thin/athletic because of our healthy lifestyle, and told her that it's none of her business because it works for us. she then said "not everybody was born loving exercise" and whined that she wasn't born that way and i'm privileged to love it. i snapped at her that "i actually hate running 50% of the time but i do it anyway because exercise is good for everyone and most people don't have any good excuse not to." she called me an asshole and left, then sent me a long text about how it's fatphobic to say that everybody should be exercising and that i didn't bave a right to comment on her lifestyle, especially in public. i texted back that i'm sick of her jealous comments and to either not speak to me at all or learn to stop commenting on my lifestyle and focus on herseld. i'd like to reiterate that i do not care what other people eat or look like - i made these changes for me and my husbamd made the choice to do it for himself. family is 50/50, seem to think i should be more sensitive - even though none spoke up all the years she commented on my body. aita? tl;dr: sil wouldn't stop going on about my lifestyle/exercising habits so i snapped at her and said most people should exercise. apparently i'm fat phobic. aita?

nta

nta you need to reframe this conversation. she is bullying you and making repeated unwelcome comments about your body and health. family should have zero tolerance for that kind of bullshit.

nta. she attacked you multiple times and tried to devalue your hard work. frankly, i think you went way light on her. all you did was defend yourself and promote exercising. her problem if she wants to play victim.

127mwh0

aita for providing the constructive criticism to a friend that hurt their feelings?

so, i’m (27f) in a bit of a pickle with an online friend of mine (20f). long story short, we met online and have been friends for about a year. we both really like a lot of the same types of music, and we’ve always bonded over that. we enjoy talking with each other, and discovering new music together, even though one of us is on the west coast (johanna) and one of us is on the east coast (me). johanna recently decided she was going to write a letter to a famous musician she admires and tell him about how his music has really helped her in her life as she’s struggled through tough times. i was supportive and told her that was great idea. i know letter writing can be really cathartic and plus, who doesn’t like to receive a letter? however, the musician in question recently lost a son to drug addiction, and johanna is a huge fan of the son’s music, so she’s dead set on mentioning the son in her letter. the person who offered to deliver the letter to the artist for her (and is a personal friend of said artist) has advised her that it’s still a touchy time, and to maybe not mention the son at all if she can help it. when she asked me how i felt, i agreed, and told her that i thought she could write a wonderful letter without having to focus on the late son, who it seems the artist is still really broken up about. i told her that if multiple people had told her (she’s had at least two others tell her not to mention the son) that mentioning him wasn’t a good idea, and they’re closer to the artist than she is, then that’s probably the best thing to do. i didn’t think what i said was bad at all, i was just offering advice, but she took it as extremely offensive and was incredibly hurt by it, and says she needs to talk some time away from talking to me, as what i said “really stung” and she just wants to “go break all the records she has of said artist”. i’m concerned that maybe i was too harsh in my advice-giving, even though i was only following what other people had told her, and assumed that was advice she’d already heard. needless to say, i feel terrible, as i truly didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. she’s my friend and i really enjoy talking to her and the bond we have our shared musical interests. i absolutely want to give her time to process her feelings, but i’m also just…kind of confused as to what i said that made her so upset? other people had given her the exact same advice, but the only one she snaps at is me. am i the asshole for giving her the advice i did?

nta

nta parasocial relationships make people forget that to the recipient this it will just be a letter from a complete stranger and this is just about as personal as a topic can get. she needs to remember that they are a person with boundaries too

nta. you were absolutely right to tell her that she shouldn't push a boundary that's completely inappropriate for her to push, especially since a personal friend of the artist explicitly told her not to. hopefully, she'll come around!

127mwrw

aita for giving my wife and dog similar nicknames?

i got myself a dog 2 years ago and have been with my wife since we were teenagers (12 years). we are currently 16 weeks pregnant with our first (and probably last) baby. our miracle baby. her hormones have been off the charts, as to be expected, as this pregnancy has been difficult for her. to cut to the issue: since my wife has become pregnant my dog has become a whine ass, to put it bluntly. the vet states it's just the dogs way of expressing concern for my wife and that she now has anxiety; more than likely caused by my wife's difficulty and emotions. recently i started referring to my dog has "pupperino" whenever she starts whining. ex: "what's wrong pupperino". the first few times i said this, my wife just went quiet and removed herself from the room. but recently, when i called my wife the nickname i had given her 12 years ago, she told me to never call her that again (baberino). when i asked why, she said i tainted the nickname for her and she never wants to be called something that is that closely similar to what i've been calling my dog. i admittedly don't see what the issue is but with that said, my buddy is on my wife's side and said that since i knew my wife's hormones and depression was in full spike, calling my dog a nickname that was so closely similar to that of which i've been calling my wife for years is basically disrespectful. aita? eta: my wife absolutely loved her nickname but now it truly bothers her when i call her baberino because i now call the dog pupperino. she is admittedly completely fed up with my dogs behaviors (the whining and anxiety, which causes her to be underfoot 24/7 now) so i can see why it would bother her but i admittedly still don't see the issue.

yta

yta i mean, you were not necessarily an asshole for giving the dog the nickname in the first place. you didn't know it would upset your wife. but now that you know that it does, why the heck are you *arguing* about it?

yta - not because you innocently chose that as the dog’s nickname, but because your wife is hormonal, stressed, and you’re pooh-poohing her request that you stop. the message she’s sending to you (that you don’t seem to be receiving) is that you’re hurting her - why would you want to keep doing that? please just honour her request, and hopefully, when things settle down, you’ll be able to resume using the name. don’t push her to a place where she starts hating you and the dog.

127n062

aita for not waiting for my bf to play a game

alright, i've come to this side of reddit to ask you if i'm the asshole for not waiting for my boyfriend to play a videogame. he is making me feel extremely bad about this, and idk if i'm crazy or not because i thought i did something logical. so we use to play overwatch together. yesterday he went out with his friends so i was playing alone. i met 2 people who were playing well and organizing the attack in voice chat (very rare in low rank comp!) so we teamed up. the games were amazing, we were on a roll! meanwhile my boyfriend calls me when he's driving back home and i asked him if he wanted to join us. he said yes. we go on another match and after it i text him asking if he has arrived home. the conversation went like this: him: yes, i'm in the bathroom. me: should i wait or continue? him: do however you prefer. (this is translated the most accurately possible) me: it depends if you take too long or not. i paused for a bit, in doubt if i should wait or not, because he didn't tell me if he was leaving the bathroom, if he had just arrived.. and i know he likes to take his time in the toilet, scrolling through memes (might be tmi but it's kinda relevant). so after waiting for him to answer if he was going to take long, i continued. he then logged in and asked to join, i told him we were already on another match (competitive, so you can't really leave halfway (i mean, you can but you get penalized)) but he could join afterwards, and he stormed off angry. this was at night and today morning he's still angry that i didn't wait. i'm sad he's upset but at the same time i thought i did something logical: he says he's in the bathroom --> i ask if i should wait or not (expecting him to say "no, i just sat down, i'll catch you on the next one" or "wait just a min, i'm getting up") --> he says "do whatever you want" --> i continue to the next match. i could have asked my team to wait but i didn't know if he was going to take 1min or 30mins! i claim he should have been more clear in his communication, he claims i should have waited no matter what. am i the asshole?

nta

nta if he wanted you to wait he should have told you so

nta. unless ofc your a mind reader or have a hidden camera in his bathroom how tf are you to know when he's done? he could have been taking a shower for all you knew. "i'm in the bathroom" is such a broad sentence when so many things occur in there. he text "do what you want" to see what you would do. you failed his test. he wanted you to wait for him. but without directly telling you. he's jealous you found a few good players to game with.

127n1kk

aita for refusing to allow my 14yo daughter to bring her friend on her birthday celebration?

okay so i(35f) have a daughter(kyra) who’s turning 14 next month. my daughter is super outgoing and friendly, she’s very universally liked wherever she goes and i love that about her. we moved to this town when she was entering 7th grade and the school guidance office kinda “set her up” with this other girl who was also new so that they could navigate the school together. i’ll call this girl emma. i really liked the idea of emma and kyra being friends but i quickly realized that emma was holding her back in a lot of ways. when kyra began branching out and making new friends emma got very clingy and tried to stop her. she’s constantly putting pressure on kyra to help her with her mental health and essentially her free therapist but never helps ky in return. even when ky was admitted to the hospital she showed up to tell her how she “couldn’t survive at school without her” and she had to come back as soon as possible. not one question or care about how she was doing. our new foster daughter is in the same grade as them and she says that no one in their grade tolerates emma except for ky and she is way too patient with her. i feel bad for emma as i was a socially awkward kid too but i think she’s taking it way too far. kyra has started trying to slowly drift away from emma but it’s hard because she follows her everywhere. she even tried out for the volleyball club that emma goes to so they could be on the team together. well for ky’s birthday we decided that we could take 3 of her friends to disney with her for a special weekend. she decided to take her foster sister, her very close friend from volleyball and one of her other close school friends.i told her to just not mention it to emma or anyone who wasn’t invited because she has a lot of friends and didn’t want to make anyone feel left out. well emma found out from practically interrogating her and i had told her that if she did to just blame me. well she did and i got a very angry call from emma’s mother. i said that i only allowed her to bring 3 people and i wanted her to bring those three because she’s known them for much longer(which isn’t necessarily true but she didn’t know that) she said that emma invited kyra to her birthday which was also very small and the two of them are “best friends” despite not knowing eachother very long and i shouldn’t control who my kids are friends with. i tried to put as gently as possible that i and my other kids have noticed whenever emma is over at our house she is not nice to kyra and makes us uncomfortable and she freaked out and said i’m bullying a child and said she could file and hib at our school for this. she said she works for a school district and she knows exactly how to get a kid thrown out. she then said she’d pay for emma to go or pay for a bigger room for everyone but i flat out said no and hung up on her.i feel like an ah now because i might’ve ruined their friendship and kyra is furious with me plus i was a little harsh. so what does reddit think?

nta

nta op owes nothing to emma or her mom. emma’s mom is overstepping big time in trying to force op to include emma. people come and go in our lives; some friendships stick, some don’t. that’s just life. emma’s mom is not doing emma any favors by making others responsible for her daughter’s happiness. it might be sad that emma is having trouble making friends but that’s an issue she has to work on. her mom needs to realize that trying to control her friendships isn’t helping.

nta. i can have compassion for emma and her family because it’s hard being the odd one out. that said, you don’t get to demand your way into a disney trip. i mean no. and 14 is likely a freshman in high school. i think most experience a huge change-over in friends from middle school to high school. emma‘s mom should understand.