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127n622

aita for not wanting to help my friend cheat on a drug test to get into med school?

i (21m) was asked about 30 minutes ago by my roommate/friend of several years (24m) to give him my urine by tomorrow. he needs it for a drug test required by the pa(physicians assistant) school he was recently accepted to. even though i have known him for a long time i wouldn't say we are extremely close, but we have been living together along with my fiancee (24f) for a couple years. he specifically needs it because he smoked weed. i don't particularly care about whether he smokes or not, but it just feels wrong to help him cheat on something like this. especially because where we live he can get jail time of he's caught. i've never really asked any major favors of him like this, and in fact he more often asks for me and my fiancee for favors (often driving him around or taking him out to do things since he doesn't have any friends besides us). in my opinion he should have just been able to keep some self control, the only reason why i feel bad is because he's been studying for a while for this and i'm not sure how long it'll take for him to get back in/apply again if he can't do the drug test. i'm heavily leaning towards saying no, if so aita?

nta

nta first and foremost, it's your pee and you get to decide what to do with it. also i'm sure he knew about this ahead of time and he should have taken a weed break or looked up ways to pass a drug test.

just tell him you smoked weed recently too and he'll have to ask someone else nta

127n840

aita for missing my best friend's birthday to go to a music festival?

i (m24) live in a bustling american city and hang out primarily with my friends and collaborators (we work in film) to pass the time. in our group there are about \~25 or so of us who have hung out pretty regularly over the past 5 years and all know each other. fast forward to earlier this year, a friend of mine (demi, 27f) begins dating this girl and was offered a ticket by this love interest to a major american music festival completely for free, no charge for the ticket at all. many of our friends were shocked demi acquired the free tickets but ultimately super happy for her! the festival happens on her birthday weekend and she has been getting over a horrible breakup that happened a year or so back. i am a pretty good friend of demi, so she asked me if i could go to the festival with her. i considered for a week or so but ultimately decided i couldn't for many reasons. i myself was just beginning a hard breakup, the tickets were way too much (mine wouldn't be free), and all the other logistics. i called demi and told her i probably couldn't go but definitely encouraged her to go for her birthday. she ends up deciding soon thereafter not to take the trip and stay home and plan for something here with all her friends. now, fast forward to earlier this month... demi and her boo are no longer dating, i am trying to reassess my life post-break-up, and feeling generally like i need some sort of reset from my normal life, demanding job, and other factors. a totally unrelated friend (chelsea, 25f) to the above group texts me as i am in my depressed mood and asks me "hey! do you want to go to xtc music festival? i have free vip tickets!" - the same music festival demi asked me about a month ago. i immediately say yes, and within a week booked my entire trip with a small group of three people that chelsea organized. personally, until there is a flight receipt in my email i don't count any trip as "official" so i saw no reason to tell demi on the initial impact. i planned for the first week, got excited, and told her immediately after my flight and lodging were secure. i broke the news over text by saying "you will never believe what has happened. i wanted to wait until i finalized it all, but i'm going to xtc festival and i got free tickets!" demi replies shocked but elated and says she is happy for me. a few hours go by and she texts me again: "i'm sad you'll miss my birthday. and i’m a little sad bc i scrapped xtc fest plans because i wanted to hang with you and my friends on my birthday. i’m still happy you’re going! but i’m sad too. we talked about it last month and you said you couldn’t go so i decided not to go,". i replied by stating i didn't have free tickets a month ago, how i made the decision for myself. after a few texts back and forth, no response from her at all for the last few days other than to state she would be giving me back some of my things. i expressed to her that i didn't want to lose the friendship over... a music festival. ​ aita?

yta

yta. you stated you couldn’t go for many reasons but later you told her the only reason you changed your mind was because of the ticket prices. what happened to the other reasons? in addition, you should have known that scheduling the concert after knowing she had decided not to go because you couldn’t would have upset her. be a better friend by realizing how your decisions affect others.

yeah i'm gonna say yta a little bit because technically you cancelled plans to hang w demi on her bday for plans you thought were better

127nyqt

aita for buying tickets to wwe for my little brothers birthday?

here's the scoop. me and my little brother grew up watching wwe. i'm still a huge fan, he comes over to watch ppvs with me. i bought 4 tickets for monday night raw three days after his birthday for me, him his friend and my oldest brother. my oldest brother says that it's wrong because i enjoy wrestling more than him and i'm the one who's gonna enjoy the tickets the most. i asked my little brother and he seems super excited. my older brothers girlfriend is also a big wrestling fan and i didn't get her a ticket because well, it was my little brothers birthday and not hers. aita here?

nta

nta. just because you enjoy something *more* doesn't mean you didn't have good intentions with this gift. you stated that wwe is something you have enjoyed with your little brother so it seems there is a bond over this event and this was a well thought out gift. if your older brother doesn't like it, maybe your little brother can invite a friend.

nta >my older brothers girlfriend is also a big wrestling fan and i didn't get her a ticket because well, it was my little brothers birthday and not hers. *that* is what i think the real problem is for your older brother. *his* wwe fan girlfriend doesn't get to go. your little brother gets to bring his friend and is super excited. but your older brother doesn't get to bring his boyfriend. sounds like your older brother is just pissed he doesn't get to use your younger brother's birthday present as a date night paid for by you. either that or his girlfriend is putting pressure on him and whining about it.

127o0ji

aita for not wishing my mom a happy birthday since she didn't do it for me

i(16f) did not wish my mom a happy birthday recently when she turned 40. we haven't been on good terms with each other in over a year and i haven't lived with her for almost a year. when i turned 16 she didn't acknowledge my birthday(already moved out by that point) and so when her birthday rolled around i saw no point in acknowledging it. well the day after this i received a very angry message from her. she called me ungrateful and selfish and i feel terrible about it

nta

i think we need a bit of backstory, but i think nta. you are still a child. you can't be called selfish for not wishing your mother when she ignored your birthday.

nta. it seems to me that she set the precedent. you said in a comment that you want nothing to do with her so, as long as you understand the consequences, you are good.

127o5jw

aita for making my boyfriend accidentally drive to a movie theater by himself?

longtime lurker here. so as per title, i have a boyfriend. this week we planned to see two movies on two separate days. first movie on our list has been seen yesterday. last night, he texted me that the second movie would have to be seen at another time due to have stay at home to watch over a family member as his mother was going out for a certain amount time. the time she was leaving would have been the time we would be watching the second movie on our list. obviously, we had to cancel. boyfriend asked if it would be possible to go over to the theater at 4:00 pm. this could not work as i need to feed my pets and the dog i'm watching at 5:00 pm. i asked if saturday would work better, but he needs to work at 1:00 pm. then, i asked if 10:00 am would be better and he agreed. before heading to bed, i told him we would talk more about it in the morning due to the early time and to see if a possible date and/or time would work. (this was all over text by the way.) this morning, after getting ready and give the dog i'm watching his medicine, i get a text from boyfriend saying he's stuck in traffic. i do a horrified double-take and immediately call. i ask him where he is and he responds that he's stuck behind two trucks. i ask him he's driving to the movie theater and he says that was the agreed time. i tell him, i thought we agreed on saturday morning? now he's confused and taken aback, and we're going back and forth for a little bit. i explained that i was under the impression that we would see it in the morning then he would be on his way to work afterwards as i thought i indicated we would drive separately in the text. boyfriend thought i was referring to this morning today. he's a little annoyed now because he's at the movie theater now and there's no way for me to meet up in time. eventually, we agree on an evening time this day as work schedules collide on both ends. i am apologizing like crazy and offer to pay him gas money for when he picks me up. boyfriend declined and said it was no big deal, but he drove over to the next city and woke up somewhat early when he could have slept in and done his own thing before we would meet up. i know this isn't the worst thing to be beating myself over, but i just feel really, really bad. honestly, i would say the real asshole in this situation is the miscommunication due to texting rather than properly talking over the phone. so i thought i would ask anyone who can give me a reply back. thank you to those that possibly will and have a great rest of your day. update to those who want to know: looking back, making this post was quite silly. everything is fine. boyfriend would hold a finger to my lips the moment he saw me start to look guilty or get nervous. movie was great too! so happy ending to this misunderstanding. thank you to those that read and commented and put my mind at ease. have a good one!

nah

nah, you just both need to work on communicating more clearly with each other

nah, just miscommunication shenanigans, happens a lot in relationships. seems like you both handled it well

127oq5i

aita because i think we should have a dish drying rack

so i've lived in my current house for around 8 months (i think? i cant really remember tbh) with 3 other people and i've had a continuous struggle with the standards of cleaning they expect. they want all dishes to be immediately washed, dried, put away immediately after use and nothing to be left on the sides (including cereal boxes that don't fit in cupboards, flowers for the house, utensil holders etc). i'm newly diagnosed adhd (22 f), and i have worked really hard to stay on top of things. it's taken a good few months but i've finally gotten into the routine of doing my dishes and leaving them to dry on the rack because i know how much they care about it, and they've compromised for me by having a two jars of dry goods out (although it was an argument as i tried to explain to them that it's an adhd thing of needing to see things or i forget they're there, and not an aesthetic choice.) when i got home from a holiday they had gotten rid of the dish drying rack and told me we're going to try it for a week so we can all be better at drying and putting things away. i tried to tell them that it wasn't going to work for me as im already so anxious about washing up because of my adhd, but they didn't listen. i managed to stay on top of it for a week because it's caused me so much distress that i've barely eaten and spent time in the kitchen. it has ended in me trying to ask if we can go back to having the drying rack back as i feel like by not having it in the kitchen it creates a very hostile environment for me, and that having it out allows me to feel like if i'm in a rush i can at least leave dishes knowing they'll be dry, clean and usable when people get home rather than dirty on the side because i don't have time to dry. this was met with frustration from one housemate (the other two were impartial) who said that i should just be more considerate and it's not hard to take an extra few minutes to wash and dry my dishes. am i being an asshole here? i'm so exhausted all the time from battling the way my brain works to uphold the cleanliness they want even though i think it's excessive and makes my life harder. it's such a tiny thing, but i feel like i'm being a dickhead for even asking. am i? does anyone have any advice on how to explain adhd and routines to housemates? or how i can find a way to get through to them enough that we can find a compromise?

nta

nta. they should not have taken away your dish rack without your permission. they’re being way too controlling.

drying dishes with a towel is unsanitary. dishes should be air dried. keep the drying rack. nta.

127ovse

aita for ‘excluding’ my sister from a shopping trip with her friend?

my (18f) sister (16f) and i are both a part of a dance group based on auditions. she has always been a class or two below me, and for two years she was good friends with a girl that was in her classes. a year later she (we’ll call her sally) and her friend hailey made it into my class and hailey and i became good friends, while she was still friends with sally. this year hailey and i both made it into the most senior class, while sally didn’t. sally often feels like i’m trying to steal hayley as a friend because we’ve become quite close recently and sally doesn’t see her very often. so anyway, next week we (hailey and i) have a dance camp in a different state, and we want to go shopping to buy clothes and snacks for the camp (which sally’s class doesn’t attend). i want to go with just hailey and i because we’re going on the camp together. sally wanted to go just to hang out with her friend, but i said no, and that while i’m happy to plan another shopping trip where we all go or even just she and hailey go, but she won’t have any of it. now dad is forcing me to take sally along and i really don’t think that’s fair. i’m in no way trying to ‘steal’ hailey, i’m just getting closer to her because we spend a lot of time with her at dance. i just want to spend some time shopping for our camp. aita?

yta

yta. there’s literally no good reason not to include sally on a trip to the mall.

yta. why would you do that to your sister?

127p0zv

aita for not following on to my dad's orders on recording a video on what she does every hour during a birthday party of my relative

this all started when i wanted to go to the party so i can enjoy life, my mom wanted to stay behind but she reluctantly joins me cuz she would feel bad if her sister(who is my aunt) didn't see her. she called my dad to ask permission from him but he reluctantly permitted her to go with me, so me and my mom went together to our relative's birthday party. when i first got up from a swimming pool, my aunt told me that my phone was ringing in the bag, my dad was called but i didnt hear him much cuz my ears were a bit blocked when i was trying to submerge under the pool for 10 seconds, so i texted him, and he told me to record a video of my mom talking to somebody, but he didnt say to record everyone she talks to everytime, so i only sent him a 15 sec vid from a bit afar, and then i enjoyed the rest of the party and had fun. and then when i looked at my phone again, he actually sent more text but he threatened me to not give me an allowance for not doing his bidding, and my whole mood is ruined after that. aita for this????

nta

\[concern.gif\] so... your mom has to get *permission* from your dad to attend a family event... your dad wants you to *document* your mom's actions at said family event... your dad tries to *blackmail* you into additional documentation... your dad needs some serious help and is showing pretty classic signs of a cbpd. christ on a cracker, man... i mean, don't start making voyeuristic videos a habit but, nta...

nta you may not understand it, but your mother is being abused. i suspect it's going on with you, too. your father's behavior is not normal. he doesn't need to know what your mother is doing every second. she shouldn't need his permission to attend a family party. you need to speak to someone you trust about this.

127p771

aita for telling my grandma i don't like her?

i (f15) told my grandma (f65) that i don't like her. she has bullying me ever since i was little. i had a surgery done to my right leg and i haven't walked the same since then. i walk a little limp but not that it's noticeable from far. one day when i was 4 me and the woman were walking home to my other grans house. she yelled awful things at me on the way there. things like i'll never get a husband if i walk like that and that my shoulders should be straightened but she doesn't think that even surgery will help that. i cried for the whole walk home with her still hounding me all the way home. once we arrived at my nan's house my nan went off on her. (story for another time) it only got worse from there tbh. for exolple just a few years ago she told me that my hips are weird and i should get them fixed and that the scar on my leg looks awful i should cover it she then prosseds to buy me a cropped jean that goes just below my scar. i revused to wear them and i threw them away in her trash can. my cousin started modeling a year ago and that is when all the bullying stopped. she was now bullying my cousin. my cousin was always the stronger one between us soo obv when my grandmother would say stuff like that to her she'd luagh in her face. the other day though she came to my house and asked if i could come with my little sister to stay with them for a week (she lives with my cousin btw) and i politely declined. then she tried to manipulate me to come by saying stuff like "yea you think your so much better than the rest of us don't you?" "you're making me sad we never hang out anymore." and the classic "i'd do it for you." followed by "do you have a problem with your cousin?" thus i replied with "i don't have a problem with her i have a problem with you. i don't like you at all" she went home after that and i've cut communication with her completely. am i the a hole here?

nta

nta - i also don’t like your grandma.

nta. good for you for being forthcoming and honest.

127pixi

aita for telling my brother he can't see my son after a road trip that he took him on?

my 9yo son cameron spend his spring break on a road trip my brother jackson. my son came back home today and all the clothes that i packed for him were untouched. he was wearing today what he wearing on on monday. i asked my son when was the last time he showered and he said on monday when he and his uncle took a shower at a pool. i asked why he didn't shower the other days, he just shrugged. i had to bathe him and wash his clothes twice. i asked my brother what was up with my son not showering for four days. he said my son just didn't shower but he made sure that my did brush his teeth and wash his feet. i told him that he was irresponsible and i can't trust him with my son anymore. therefore he can't see him unless me or his mom is there. my brother told me i was way overreacting and just letting him be a boy.

nah

nah. is regular showering, which i support, really worth losing a uncle who is willing to take kiddo for four days? really don't think uncle would abide by a daily shower rule? not telling you how to feel, just pointing out a family member who is willing/able to do a 4 day road trip is a rarity. guess, question is kinda where would they shower? cause this really feels like an old school road trip if the only shower was at the pool.

i mean, "asshole" is too strong of a word, but i do think you're overreacting. nah. being a boy has nothing to do with it. when you go on some trips, bathing isn't really the highest priority (especially for someone who hasn't hit puberty yet and isn't a sweaty stankball of hormones). my family camped a lot when i was his age and i would go several days without showering. besides, a lot of adults don't shower every day and only address the "important" stuff like brushing their teeth. if the only thing you have to worry about is the kid coming back smelling like a florida swamp in the summer, i'd call that a win.

127pjm6

aita for wanting to use my university funds for university?

i (f17) and i’m a huge argument with my mom (f56), she thinks that i need to get another job (i already have 2) because she wants to use my college funds that we’ve been saving and adding to since i was born. i have 2 sisters who are both in university and have never had to take out a loan because my parents fund them and use their college fund, but my mom says that she want to retire but can’t because i still need to go to university, i’ve told her that i’m sorry she can’t retire when she wants to but that i’ve been donating to that fund as well so that i can get through my years of uni so hopefully i’ll have enough to support myself and she can retire sooner than she once thought. she said that i need to work another job to support myself when i go to uni because she’s not going to allow me to use my college funds so that she can retire early and get to relax (using my funds). i told her it’s not my fault she had a child so late in life but that i expect my funds because i’ve been promised them and the whole family has been investing in it, my dead grampa put 200,000$ into this fund so i could go to uni and now my mom wants to take it because it’s technically in her name because it was created when i was born. she has complete control over the funds and i’ve called her a ahole because had i known i wasn’t getting the same treatment that my sisters had and that i was promised i would have started saving sooner, she says she’s given me enough time to work and get the money (all summer 3 jobs) and that i’m being rude so aita for wanting my college fund??

nta

nta but see an attorney asap.

first of all, i suggest some legal advice from a trusted person or a trusted relative. second, where's your dad in the picture. like are your parents together or divorced. ask for his help. also, take help from your sisters and ask them to help you convince your mom. for me it's nta!!

127pxax

aita for reminding my coworker the company policy?

so i (20m) work in a global company as a it helpdesk assistant, we have a decently sized team and everyone follows the company policy regarding how we work. one of the policy’s is no matter how small the request is (like a monitor cable) the end user must submit a ticket before getting the item. so one of my colleague (50m), we will call him bob, he doesn’t tend to follow the policy. he usually gives keyboards, mice, cables and other small peripherals without the end user submitting the ticket. sometimes he asks them to submit a ticket after giving them the things which is ok but defeats the whole policy we have. recently he gave an item to a end user and then submitted a ticket on their behalf, so i reminded them (as nicely as i could) about the policy to which he responded (with a bit of a tone) that he’s 50+ and he can manage it himself and told me i was making a big deal out of a cable. this turned into an argument which it felt like he tried to belittle me as i’m a lot younger than him (bare in mind he used his age as a advantage/step up than me) so aita for reminding him about the policy?

nta

nta. as a 50+ year old man, he should know better. policy is there for a reason. you're doing your job, he's trying to circumvent policy.

you're not an asshole but if it doesn't directly impact your ability to do your own job i would stay out of it. if no one is paying you to manage other people, don't do it for free. cheers. nta.

127q3pr

aita for standing up to an older family member?

some background to start: we have always been very very close with my aunt and cousins. we were basically raised as one family. they lived close growing up and now my mom and auntie bought condos next to each other in retirement (my dad and uncle passed away). my auntie has always been very very religious. she has 10 minute prayers at family dinners, attends church and bible study and ladies groups... basically her entire life is based around her faith. i studied religious studies as a minor in university and, as a result, came to question a lot about christianity and the beliefs. i would say at this point in my life, i'm spiritual but not christian or religious in general. my cousin and i are both divorced. a couple of years ago at christmas dinner, my aunt went on a tirade about how divorce rates are high due to the gays and the fact that women aren't subservient to men. my cousin left the room quickly and very uncomfortably. i stuck up for us to my auntie. that same weekend, there was an incident involving my auntie and my mom laying into my sister about her lifestyle and not being as close to our family anymore. i stuck up for my sister. then, more recently, i attended a pride event with friends (i am straight, but support my friends). my auntie went on a tirade with me about how being gay is a sin, etc. i, again, stood up to her. since this third incident, my aunt has purposely excluded inviting my family from any family events (her 75th birthday, thanksgiving, christmas, easter, etc). the only one who will be invited is my mom and only if she knows my sister and i won't be there. my mom wants me to just apologize and close the rift, but i refuse to. aita for creating a rift in our family? should i apologize to my aunt because she's old?

nta

how are you the one starting a rift by calling your aunt out for starting a rift in the family?? she's the one who is bashing on you and your cousin, but apparently you are going too far for not accepting that? nta

nta. also why would you even want to be with her? being christian is ok. i’m a christian myself but forcing it on others is not okay. and being old is not a excuse for being a asshole.

127qc8z

aita for reading the chapter on human reproduction from my biology textbook(s) when a female guest had come over?

so, i (m 17) am preparing for an entrance exam which is going to be held in a while. one of the subjects in the curriculum is biology, and i was going through the books when a friend of mine visited our house along with her parents (as in i knew that they were about to come, i was just whiling away the time until they came by reading). we've been friends for quite a while now. well, it went just fine for a while, until it was just the adults talking to each other. i interacted with my friend, of course. she's preparing for an exam, too. i told her about mine, and then eventually, as i ran out of conversation ideas, i opened my textbook again. she didn't mind, as she was scrolling through her phone herself. we were in another room (the adults were in another), and eventually her mother came to ask/tell her something. i was reading the chapter on human reproduction/reproductive healthcare at this point, including the diagrams and all that. my friend and i were seated together. when her mother came nearer, she glanced at the book and knew what i was reading. she apparently found it inappropriate that i was doing so when a female guest was nearby, and was seated right next to me. according to her, i could've read anything else and spared the chapter on reproduction/reproductive healthcare for later. she accused me of doing it on purpose (including insulting my friend's decency or whatever), told me that i knew exactly what i was up to, and asked me whether i had no shame. my friend looked uncomfortable at this point and told her mother that she was making a big deal over nothing. she asked her to shut up, and started berating me again. my parents (along with her father) came into the room. honestly, they didn't seem to mind it much, and tried to pacify her. she appeared to still mind, though, and the rest of the visit was sullen at best. i didn't open my books until they'd left, and i think they had left earlier than they normally would've too. aita?

nta

nta. you weren't looking at porn. it was a biology textbook.

nta! human biology and anatomy are basic science courses that need to be taught and learned in school and the subject should not be segregated by gender. reproduction is not a shameful topic, and you did nothing wrong. good luck with your exams!

127qjel

aita for leaving my bf's mom's house abruptly my first time meeting her?

i (26f) & my bf (27m) drove to his hometown to visit his mom (t) & sister (19f, k). it was my 1st time meeting both of them. t & k had been arguing for weeks prior to our arrival, bc t is concerned about k's substance use. ironically, t tried getting me to partake in cocaine & psychedelics with her, which i declined. my bf begged them not to fight prior to our arrival. we all went to the bar. got back to their place & in bed for the night. until we heard screaming. my bf said he'd be right back & went to see what was going on & found his t & k in an argument. i waited up for him since he said he'd be back soon. i could hear them screaming at each other. i was uncomfortable at this point. i'm in a house i've never been in before, in an unfamiliar room alone and everyone i just met is screaming, also very high/drunk. he came back 1 hour later, & i was relieved bc i wanted the screaming to end so i could sleep. it was 2 am. well my bf went back in attempts to "mediate" the argument, saying he'd be "right back". i could hear everything & imo, he was prolonging the fight by getting involved & siding with k. i also was on k's side bc t was being really hurtful, saying mean things to k. as much as i agreed with my bf sticking up for k, i felt like he was causing it to go on a lot longer by getting involved. he knew i was waiting up for him so we could go to bed together so i found this a little frustrating. more fighting passes & by this time, its already 4 am. he comes back, but this time, with k. she's crying hysterically & hes asking her what drugs she does which was clearly making her more upset. i could tell k did not want to have that convo in front of me. i told my bf that this was very awkward & he left the room with k & again, told me he'd be right back. so i kept waiting up for him. he came back 30 mins later, told me that he was going to stay up with k which i understood but i was upset bc he could've told me this hours ago, i had been waiting up for hours because he kept telling me he would "be right back". i couldn't even fall asleep if i wanted to, because of the yelling all night long. i just wanted it to end. when he told me this, i just broke out in tears. i was exhausted. frustrated. i felt this was rude to do when you have a first time guest in your home. more rude on t's part than anything. i dreaded the idea of spending the rest of the weekend there. my bf saw my frustration & told his k he was going to bed instead. she was more than ok with that given the time. him and i talked about what happened, we both cried for a while. he was scared i was going to leave him bc his family is "crazy". i reassured him i would not leave him over this, but that i was uncomfy. he said he didn't want to be near t anymore, and we both agreed to leave first thing in the morning. so we did. now t is upset. i feel bad, i really wanted things to go well with his family. aita for leaving early? character limit, so slightly more detail in comments.

nta

nta. so t is upset? boo farking hoo. are you sure you want to be involved with this crapshow? i think this has shown you a glimpse of the future and it is frightening.

nta. good for you for setting boundaries immediately. you were put into a horrible situation and you handled it as best as you could.

127qku0

wibta if i asked for a "weekend" away?

would i(30f) be an asshole for asking for a few days away? no husband, no in laws, just me alone for one or two nights. for more context. my mental and physical health have really been suffering lately. ive been so stressed. i decided going into the new year i wanted to start looking after myself. to start i went in to try and get diagnosed with a condition that runs in my family. with the diagnosis i could then get physical therapy and training on how to not hurt myself working out. in trying to get that diagnosis it turned out they found a bunch of other issues. as we poke at things and try giving me new medicine for all that is apparently going wrong with me the more ill i feel. the more depressed i get. i don't live in the same country as my family anymore and there is a significant time difference. so we don't talk more than maybe once a week at most but really it's more like once a month when we all get busy. so some things i'm going through i'm finding out after the fact that my mom or sister have also had issues with. so now i want to see doctors again to say oh no there is a family history of this. all the stress has also put added pressure on an issue my husband and i have been having. so now i just want a few nights away to clear my head. he's always making the quote "how can i miss you if you won't go away?" i think we need some time apart to help us decide what we really want going forward. normally i'd say i'd want to go see my parents but if i do that it's a few weeks that i would go for. i just want a few days to myself. i know i would feel so guilty the entire time because he needs a holiday too. but i work from home then on weekends he doesn't want to leave the house. i just need out of the house to clear my head. i need to do something for me. i'm always trying to make sure everyone else is happy and taken care of that i forget myself. any and all judgments welcomed! edit- edited the wording as it was brought to my attention the wording wasn't correct.

nta

nta don't ask - tell. tell people you are going on a (mental) health vacation. set everything up so they can run things smoothly - then go. leave the guilt at home. this trip is as much for them as it is for you. they need you to be able to function at your best. you want to be able to function at your best. you can't be your best without a solo break. feeling guilty isn't going to help you gain all the relief you need. get massages. lay on the beach (or preferred paradise) and read a book you have been putting off. do a spa day and get every bit of you pampered. have a few drinks if that's your thing. (or other recreational substances of your choice.) it's all about you. then when you get back have your husband do the same. then make it a regular event. at least once a year - twice maybe. this is a health necessity.

nta - do this for yourself and your mental health. if your husband wants to do the same thing, support him when he does.

127qnx0

aita for calling the on-call vet and wibta if i posted a scathing review after our exchange?

small they found parasites in the new stool sample i ran in this morning. he's now on new medication. i'm relieved it's something minor, and i hope he'll be feeling better in a few days. edits: \*\* i never asked for a diagnosis over the phone nor did i ask for treatment. i asked if i should take my dog to the 24-hour clinic for treatment and more tests. it's a two hour drive from my house, and i was more than willing to make the trip and pay the cost of medical treatment if necessary. \*\*the only question i asked the on-call was whether or not i should make this drive, which isn't a question where one answer or another would be better than the other. i mean, i end up stressed and tired either way. \*i followed up with the vet during regular hours twice. once on my own and the vet called me the second time. what prompted the midnight call was the fact my dog's conditioned worsened during off hours. i (42f) need some perspective here because i'm running on very little sleep, and my twelve-year-old dog has had liquid diarrhea leaking from his butt for three days now. it's getting everywhere. i can't sleep on my bed (he'll want to hop up with me), so i've been on the floor to help him through the nights. i could crate him, but he has severe anxiety, and i kind of figured he's already having a rough enough time as it is without adding more stress. while he's in good health, he's still elderly. there's a lot more. i'll just sum it all up with it's been a whole mess, and i am wondering if my anger is justified or if i'm lashing out at this woman because i'm so stressed. on that note, sorry if this is poorly written/redundant. so, i took my dog to the vet on monday and they gave him some anti-diarrhea medicine and fortiflora. the stool sample they took indicated it was probably just his system out of whack, but he just keeps getting worse. the vet told me to give his system time to adjust and correct itself with the meds (which absolutely makes sense), so i waited. last night blood appeared in his stool. this, combined with the fact he's only gotten worse while on treatment, made me worried enough that i decided to call the on-call vet at 12:00am to ask for guidance. basically, i wanted to know if i should be concerned enough to drive the two hours to our nearest 24-hour vet, who weren't picking up their phone. that's where the on-call vet thinks i'm the asshole. she basically laid into me for calling her about mere diarrhea. she really wanted me to know i was wasting her time because she couldn't run tests at 12:00am. basically, she told me to fuck off if my dog isn't dying. and i'm just like, "lady, i don't know if he's dying. that's why i called." my perspective is that i wasn't calling about mere diarrhea. i was calling about rapidly worsening diarrhea that now contained blood. i didn't want to be overly reactive and spend thousands on emergency medical treatment that could have waited until the morning (nor did i want to drive two hours on one hour of sleep), but i also i wanted to do what was best for my dog. i felt like i needed expert advice to make the best decision. the conversation i wanted to have would have taken two minutes of her time. she kept me on the phone for around seven minutes yelling at me. i'll confess i snapped and yelled back. i mean, i'm not sure what her purpose is if it's not to give emergency medical advice, and i told her as much. maybe i did call her for no reason and waste her time. i mean, i'm not thinking super clearly right now tbh. but i wasn't calling her out of spite. i felt like i had solid justification for being worried. so, aita for calling her and wibta if i wrote up a bad review because of our exchange?

nta

nta. if she's an on-call vet... that means she's on-call. i don't get mad when i'm on-call and someone calls me during my on-call hours because... that's my fucking job. it's what i'm paid for. i assume she was having a bad day, but you absolutely would not be an asshole for posting a bad review. just like a doctor dismissing someone's symptoms, a vet dismissing a pet's symptoms is never the correct answer. yes, it may be annoying as fuck to have another person be like, "oh so i have a sniffle. am i gonna die?" but you're a care provider. if you can't do your job, don't sign up for it. it was literally as simple as, "how much blood? does she have any other symptoms? she most likely has blood from straining. if you see it in the morning, please come see us, she should be fine overnight." viola, you're done and you did your job.

she's supposed to be a professional; she shouldn't have yelled at you. diarrhea can be serious; when it goes on long enough there's risk for dehydration. getting worse and having blood is a good reason to call the vet; i would have called them too. nta.

127qpt4

aita for telling 22 yo daughter i won’t pay for her dates with boyfriend?

our 22yo daughter generally is wonderful and she’s much loved. she’s a very hard working college junior. we support her fully-tuition, room, board, entertainment, etc. she has a couple of pt jobs, and saves her pay; she has $ in her bank account. i told her that i won’t pay for her to go out on dates with her boyfriend. i told her that if the boyfriend doesn’t pay for her, then she should pay for herself (or for both of them) out of her own money. she interprets this as me trying to control her. admittedly, i have reservations about the guy she’s dating now. aita?

nta

nta. you're paying enough. she needs to pay for her own dates.

nta! she is an adult not a child. she ain't going on a high school jr prom..

127qs8x

wibta if i packed up all my things and moved out while my roommate is out-of-state?

i (22f) have been living with my roomate (22f) for around 2 years now. we have been "best friends" since high school, and i will admit that we used to be really close. unfortunately, our relationships has taken a nose dive and i have no plans to continue the relationship once we are no longer financially tied together (i will have to give her back half the deposit on the apartment when we move out). the final straw for me was when she insulted and degraded me and my parents. while i have insulted her a good bit to my parents, they have never talked about her disrespectfully and even defend her at times. i have also never insulted or talked about her parents poorly because i'm a strong believer in the family first and keeping them out of things that don't involve them. hearing her talk about my parents that way seems to unveil all the bad things she has done to me over the past few years, and i just kind of had the moment were i realized that we probably weren't friends anymore and that the only reason it lasted this long was because i sacrificed alot of my personal wellbeing to appease her. she is graduating college at the end of april, and comes back from her out-of-state internship in just under 2 weeks. i don't want to live with her anymore and don't think i can handle those last three weeks. would i be an asshole if i packed up all my belongings and went to live with my boyfriend before she comes back? i am the one that provided the tv in the living room , the kitchen table, plates/bowls, silverware, glasses, all the cooking/baking sheets, all the cleaning supplies, most of the cooking utensils, and the only light in the living room. she has like two sets of plates, bowls, silverware, and bunch of mugs so she would still have stuff to eat with and cook.

nta

nta as long as you fulfill your lease agreement. i'm sorry for what you've gone through, bad roommates can really take a toll on ones mental health. i'm glad to see you valuing yourself enough to get out and get healthy.

nta as long as you're still covering your portion of rent and bills. you're still legally obligated to have paid that stuff. but, if you have, there's nothing that says you have to stay there.

127qw9v

aita for missing my brothers bday?

last weekend, i (20) went to the mall with my mother, we had a really nice time. she invited me to see the new john wick movie. i had already promised my bf we’d see it together for the first time when he comes to visit next month (long distance). i explained to her why i can’t go with her. her response (jokingly) “ohhh how could you do this to your family!!” we giggled it off. fast forward, my brothers 15th birthday is today. for the past few days, my mother has been bouncing between plans, when my brother just wanted to cut a cake at home. at 5:20 in the morning today (bday) she’s texting me that my brother wants watch the new john wick movie and afterwards we were going to go eat at a restaurant. she asked what time works best for me, which i then explained to her that i had already told her previously why i couldn’t go see the movie and proceeded to explain again my reasoning, and even told her i could go with everyone to have dinner at the restaurant i work at, and then go to their house and cut the cake with them. all i would be missing is the movie. i don’t want to break my word with my bf or with anyone. my mother calls me “fucking rude” and that she’s tired of my “moodiness in person/ through text”. when i had asked her to elaborate, she ignored it and moved on to belittling my reasoning. i was simply explaining why i couldn’t go watch the movie, and the last time i saw her, which was at the mall, we actually had a fun time. im unsure where she is getting that i’ve been moody. i am very self aware, so i would know if i was moody. plus, she’d eat me up alive in the moment if i was moody. she continues to say that me not showing up to my brothers birthday really shows my priorities, to which i responded by telling her it’s not a reflection of my priorities, but a reflection of me keeping my word with people. i even told to her my bf also rejected the offer his family presented to him to watch the movie with them. she was passive aggressive the rest of the convo, told me she was disappointed in me the past 4 years (context, im assuming this is bc of me distancing myself due to the fact that i have to walk on eggshells to be near her), then proceeded to tell me to talk to stepdad because she’ll be busy “celebrating my brothers bday”. i then messaged my brother to explain my reasoning and the conversation with mom in detail because i know how my mother would respond when my brother asks her “where is my sister?”. something along the lines of “she chose her boyfriend over you”. he said “oh that’s okay. i’ll see you after the movie”. bf tells me i should just go (he doesn’t want my mom hating him) and i was even considering just going and not paying attention to the movie, until my mother belittled my boundaries. regardless i want her to learn to learn respect my boundaries, especially since it’s always been an issue. should i feel guilty for setting this boundary? i could have just gone/not told my bf but the guilt would eat me up alive.

nta

nta. if your brother, who is the birthday boy, has no problem with it then neither should your mother. a lot of times, parents always believe family before everyone, and that belief tends to be felt throughout the family. it’s a hard thing to balance. you did the right thing telling her about it before hand but her reaction was over the top imo.

nta if your brother doesn't have a problem with your reason for not watching the movie with the family that should be enough for your mother to let it go. as long as you are not missing the whole birthday it's all fine. especially if your brother doesn't mind. so just go to the restaurant and later to cut the cake at home and you will still be there for most of the birthday celebration.

127r1m7

aita for not wanting to buy a wedding gift ?

to give some context, i (18m) have been dating my girlfriend (18f) for over a year now. her main circle of friends is a group of girls who’s she’s known since primary school and they’re all the same age. one of her closest friends in this group is getting married and we were both invited, with my girlfriend being a maid of honour. i’ve met my girlfriends friends before but that would only be at parties where i would say hi and maybe have a quick conversation with them. i would say that i’m least close with the bride out of all of her friends in the group as i’ve only had 2-3 conversations with her since i started dating my girlfriend. i also know the groom as i use to work with him in fast food but that was years ago and i haven’t spoken to him since. my girlfriend and i were taking about the wedding when costs came up. she told me that the “entrance fee” for the wedding was $180aud and i would be expected to also spend money on a gift worth approximately $100-$150 because of wedding etiquette. i was a bit taken aback, as i always thought that your gift was you paying your “entrance fee” to a wedding so we had a discussion where i told her i would’ve been willing to pay the $180 entrance fee which i thought was already a bit steep, but the wedding would be a combination of all the grooms and brides family and friends which is a pretty large group so the wedding would be a pretty big event. out of all the wedding guests i only know my girlfriends friends and the groom. i make $250 a week as a tutor whilst studying in university while my girlfriend makes nearly double me working retail because she works more than me however she is also studying as well. i will admit that i am very frugal and try to save as much money as i can so i saw it as unreasonable for me to pay that amount for a gift on top of the entrance fee i was already paying. so atia and being a stingy person or am i being reasonable?

nta

title made me think one thing, but as soon as i saw "entrance fee"... yeah, no, nta. weddings don't have entrance fees. if you were invited, a present is good manners if you attend, but an expected cash amount for a present followed with a demand of an entrance fee is a trashy cash grab.

nta. spending a week or more of pay on a wedding for someone who is just an acquaintance is ridiculous. not sure if it is an australian practice to pay entrance fees for weddings, but in the us it would be considered rude to charge an entrance fee. of course that would not stop some entitled assholes from trying to do it.

127r2ry

aita for creating a new groupchat excluding only one member

i (23 f) am on my last year of finishing my masters at university. at the beginning of the programme we are split into classes. in my class i’ve gained a large friend group (7 girls) where we have a group chat for arranging social gatherings and parties within our group. last year a girl from the other class transferred to our class due to difficulties fitting in socially in her class. since we were a large friend group we wanted to welcome her to the class and help her find a place to fit and we invited her to the group chat and thereby all social activities within the group. as expected she wasn’t exactly the most sociable person which was fine at first - it can take some time to get comfortable in a new friend group where everyone knows each other well. however, after a while i started dreading going to our parties if i knew she was coming. she would always interrupt everyone a lot when speaking and would often tell the same long, rather boring intricate stories about her boyfriend. these interruptions and not making room for others to contribute would always really kill the party and at the end of her stories you could tell people had stopped listening. we would always try to get to know her by asking about her or her boyfriend but she would never return the favour. it was also pretty normal that everyone took initiative to meet up every once in a while which she also never did. it got so bad that plans would fall through if people knew she was coming because she took up so much space. about a year after her joining the group chat me and the other girls discussed it and decided we would make another group chat without her in it. today she confronted me about the new group chat as she asked me if i knew whether or not we were planning on going to a party tonight. i told her that i hadn’t heard anything about anyone wanting to go. she then told me that she felt very disappointed that she hadn’t been invited to anything in a while and that she was pretty sure we had a new group chat she wasn’t a part of. i felt a bit caught of guard and deflected by telling her i hadn’t heard from anyone about the party either. i feel really bad about excluding her from our group as i know she has struggled before. she also has not done anything wrong, her personality is just not a great fit for me or the group. it feels extra awful being a large group agreeing on excluding a single person. i also used to struggle badly and i know how much it hurts being excluded. on the other hand i want to enjoy my last year of university to the fullest. i also feel that i am an adult and that i have a right to choose who i want to be friends with. aita? tldr; after a new girl going my friend group at university and being a bad fit in the group and with me personally we created a new group chat excluding her to rekindle the friend group.

yta

yta. your interpretation of what constitutes being an adult (re: right to pick your friends) is not even in the same state of how it should be (re: calmly addressing her and how the dynamic shifts with her around). this seems more like high school drama than anything fit for a university.

if you feel you are an adult who can make adult choices, why did you exclude her in such a childish way? use your adult words and have an adult conversation. you handled the situation like an ah, even though you have had the same painful experience of exclusion yourself. but even with that knowledge, you didn’t care enough to treat another person in the mature and kind way that you yourself would like to be treated. so yes, yta.

127r3qy

aita saying no to plans that we’re made for you on your own vacation

hey reddit, first time poster here so let’s go! i live in australia and saved up for months to go on a vacation with my parents to switzerland. my ticket was $7000 and it took 32hrs of travel to get here. the plan was to visit my parent’s friends and go around switzerland as tourists to see things we hadn’t before - which for me is the whole point of traveling. despite having planned this trip 5 months ago, my father’s ‘best friend’ has left for a vacation to spain for a week, while we’re here. the wife who did not go to spain made plans for me, without asking, to see people that i don’t know. i shared that i didn’t want to go along with those plans because i would be out on a day trip to a nearby town. instead of contacting the people she made the plans with to cancel, she got pissed off, gave us their phone number and said that we had to call them despite knowing that our phones don’t work here because we’re visiting from australia. we tried to contact them but couldn’t, so we found wi-fi and asked her again to cancel (on messenger). she got incredibly upset and said that she no longer wants to have anything to do with me because i am rude and ungrateful. i’ve gotta say the feeling is mutual right now but i feel awful because the whole thing has caused a lot of tension and what seems to be a rift between my parents and their friends. to try and remove myself from the equation, i left the accommodation i was sharing with my parents and checked into a hotel in the next town over. i’ll admit that probably wasn’t the best move and it upset me doing it but i figured that if the friends don’t want to see me, i’d make that happen and go around switzerland on my own until i go home in 10 days. for context, i’m 29 years old.

nta

nta. your parents friends sound entitled. it's your vacation that you paid a lot of money for. you can do whatever you want while you're there. that's the whole point of a vacation. not to live your vacation through an acquaintances eyes.

nta - it sounds like your father’s “best friend “ left on purpose, and his wife didn’t want to play host. she tried to shove you off onto other people. when that didn’t work she called you rude. something happened between your father and his friend. ignore it and have a great vacation.

127r87f

wibta if i won't let my friends visit me during the holidays?

i am 7 months pregnant and haven't seen my two ex workmates, who became my close friends, (emma & cleo) since late last year. emma messaged my husband last week that they're planning to visit me during the upcoming holidays. note that i haven't been replying to our group chat for the past month coz i have been away for socmed and would only check messages (aside from family) every now and then, which they're aware of. that's why she asked my husband if we have any plans for the holidays so they could visit me if we have none. he informed me about this chat and then informed her that we'll be staying home and it's fine if they will visit (no final plans yet as to what date, time, etc). yesterday, i checked my messages and dropped a message to our gc to say hi and catch up. cleo then mentioned that she informed an ex workmate (thea) about my pregnancy since she invited her to come along when they'll visit me. i was taken aback by this because although my pregnancy is far from being a secret, hubby and i didn't post about it in the socmed. only family or friends that saw me knew about it. in my previous workplace, i only informed 3 people, which includes the two of them. i feel like it's not her place to inform thea, let alone invite her to our home, as thea and i are not close, and with no bonding moment whatsoever when we're still working together. i'm very uncomfortable with the thought of their visit knowing that they'll be bringing someone else, and now i'm not even sure who else will be coming along. please note that i'm not insecure of my pregnant body whatsoever. i'm at the introvert side and enjoy conversations more with people i'm close with. i'm generally polite with everyone but i'm afraid that pregnancy hormones might kick in and i won't be able to engage with thea or will be indifferent towards her. they might notice how uncomfortable i will be or might misunderstood me for having a bad attitude after their effort to visit me. now i'm thinking to inform them that i won't be available and just make up excuses that hubby and i will be having a trip somewhere. wibta if i push through with this idea? (the reason why i don't want to tell them that i'm uncomfortable with someone else tagging along and about cleo informing thea is because cleo can sometimes be easily offended. though i'm a bit annoyed of her about informing someone i'm not close with, it's not a hill to die on. i'd rather not see them so i could have my peace and comfort, as this is what i need especially these days.)

nta

nta. plans-especially plans that sound like they involve visiting you in your own home-should be a discussion. instead, it sounds like your friends made all the decisions without allowing you to give your input. to be fair to your friends, it doesn't sound like any of this is malicious, just thoughtless. and i think at this point in your pregnancy, most would assume its open knowledge that could be freely shared. but that part is my personal opinion. my only advice would be not to lie. either simply tell them you aren't up for a visit, or if you'd like to try to salvage the event, specify you aren't up for a visit from so many people and that you'd like to discuss the plans and who's involved before any decisions are made.

nta- some people just don’t understand that being social is hard work. especially if you are expecting to host them at your home. have your hubby turn them down if you don’t want to do it. you are going to be too busy that weekend for them to come by the house. give no more details. - maybe meet them somewhere for lunch if they are going to be in the area.

127s3uq

aita for expecting my husband to get to know my dog

we dated for 7 years and we've been married for two. i got my dog one year year before we met. my husband never talks to the dog, plays with him, or has anything to do with his care. he's a self proclaimed dog person and always had a dog growing up. i feel sad that he won't make an effort to bond with the dog at all. he is a very well behaved couch potato and snuggle bunny. we've talked about it before and he claims that he actually does play with the dog and he loves him. i just never see it. he won't do any of the grooming or care because he says the dog wants me to do it instead. which is true, but i feel like he would get used to my husband caring for him if he just did it more often. we got in an argument last week because pups had to go the vet and i had to take half a day off work to take him even though my husband had the whole week off. he could've taken him in if he knew anything at all about the little guy. idk. is it unreasonable to expect my husband to at least treat him like a part of the family?

yta

i might get downvoted because reddit really likes dogs but softly yta it's your dog and your responsibility. if he was just needing to collect it from the vets then that's one thing but it sounds like he needed to know the dogs history? so then you should absolutely be the one to bring him also you should do the dog grooming because again it's your dog. as lovely as i'm sure your dog is, he isn't a child or step child, your husband has no real obligation to bond with it. giving it a few pets and playing occasionally is all that can be reasonably asked. edit to add: my response is on the assumption that you never sat down and agreed what the expectations with the dog were (probably should have done that). eta: i still think yta but after having read your replies i do feel that this is just a miscommunication thing and sympathise with you.

yta you dated and married this guy knowing he wasn't interested in your dog. why do you expect him to be a different person nine years later?

127sb0g

wibta for refusing to "say grace" before a meal with my girlfriend's parents at my own house?

my gf (33f) and i (34m) are not religious. i'm open about my atheism to anyone who wants to know, but i would describe her as still deconstructing. she hasn't told her parents or the majority of her friends about her doubts, and still goes to church regularly for social reasons. her parents are extremely devout, and are also the kind of people who think fox news is too liberal. they would not be shy about loudly voicing their disapproval of anyone who doesn't think christianity is the greatest thing ever. i live far enough away from them that going to church with them wouldn't be practicable, so they don't know anything about my religious views. during a recent conversation, gf mentioned that her dad always prays before meals. the moment he sits down, he holds out his hands for the others to grasp, and starts praying. he apparently does this regardless of where the meal is taking place; at home, in public, at restaurants, at other peoples' homes, etc. i guess this is just normal for her so she never questioned it, but i told her, at least at my house, and one day our house, that i wouldn't be comfortable with them doing that. i'm more than willing to be polite and respectful of this sort of thing in someone else's home, but i'm not a huge fan of her dad hijacking my table in the name of something neither i nor my gf believe in. this made gf nervous, because the only way to not have a prayer would be to actually say out loud some version of, "we'd rather not" or "let's just eat," which presumably would spark a confrontation. she is terrified of this, and fears it would result in her parents loudly fretting about our eternal souls for the next 30 years. i realize i'm putting her in an awkward situation. i know her parents are a bit extra and judgemental, and that this has the potential to start some uncomfortable conversations. but i don't want to pretend to be a christian, either, for a variety of reasons, and i don't think that's unreasonable. edit 2: i completely understand the confusion, but i'm not implying that i want to somehow prevent them from praying. like, i'm not gonna shout at her dad across the table to knock it off. the problem is, even politely saying "no thanks" and simply declining to participate is tantamount to a proclamation of godlessness, or at least i suspect they would interpret it that way. what other reason could someone have for not wanting to pray other than that they're not religious? this is the real problem. any hesitation on our part whatsoever will be seen as equivalent to wearing satanic temple t-shirts.

nta

nta. you don't have to say grace or pretend to pray with him but it would be weird to try and stop him from praying over his food

nta, but you shouldn't be rude. just say, no, thank you, and don't join hands. there is a passage in the bible about praying modestly - in the back of the temple? - you might keep in your back pocket if you're challenged for not praying.

127sbt2

aita for temporarily kicking out my best friend from my house.

first time poster here, on mobile sorry for werid formating. i'll try my best to keep this brief, i 21m moved into a new house, my first house, three months ago. i got the house with my job and i've been loving both my job and new house. but i am someone who has anxiety, so moving into my first house by myself without any family it was nerve-wracking i was scared. so my best friend 20m(at that time) of almost a decade, moves in to help me adjust. at first it was great, we played games, watched shows and movies and had plans of other things now that we lived together. but my friend didn't have a job, so i explained to him after two week of living together that he needed to get a job and make some money to help me with bills if he was going to fully move in. he argeed and i thought all was good. then two months passed and still no job. not only that but he was barely doing any chores, cleaning up or really anything else besides play games and watch youtube. so i give him a two week warning to get some interviews and get a job or else he leaves. he says that makes sense and will look for work, the following days he goes into town and looks for work. however he kept telling me that no place he looked had a paper application available, or told me he couldn't find where they pointed him to to get one. finally he finds a place that will hire him, however he has to be 21 to be hired. from the way he explained it it sounded like they would hire him once he turns 21, his birthday was 2 weeks away at that point so i decided to wait and let him turn 21 and then he'll get the job and everything is good. it's been 2 weeks since his birthday and he has not gotten the job. now we get to the breaking point for me, it was yesterday, two of my siblings are coming over for a night so they can do something tomorrow. so i decide to clean up a bit so the house is ready for their visit. my friend had been gone from the house for about two days so i decided to clean his room, you know trying to be nice. it was a mess soda cans everywhere, dirty cloths thrown about, a few dishes that had been there for a while and a none eaten mounth old subway sandwhich. so i stop and calm myself down and call him, i tell him i need a break from living together and that he needs to leave and give me some space. afterwords and today, i feel horrible. i keep thinking i should have done something different, but i'm sure this was the right course of action. so reddit, am i the asshole?

nta

nta. i'm sorry to say it but your "best friend" is taking advantage of you. if i were you i would tell him he isnt welcome back until he has a job

nta your friend is emotionally manipulating you to stay there. you should not be feeling bad for not letting him stay there. your friend has some more growing up to do. you can’t help him.

127sbud

aita for not wanting to hold my newborn nephew at the hospital?

my sil (25) gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. when i got to the hospital, my sil family was already there and her niece-“tina” was holding the baby. i (22f) greeted/congratulated everyone and said my hellos to my newborn nephew over tina’s shoulder. tina eventually offered the baby for me to hold but i said “no” and quickly followed with “i haven’t washed my hands.” lie. i don’t like holding newborns. i use to work in a nursery and was a nanny all throughout college. with this, i know how fragile and susceptible they are when they are born. i get anxious and nervous when i hold such a small baby. i didn’t even hold my niece when she was born, which was about two years ago. my parents came in shortly, and we all washed our hands together. my mother was the first to hold him, then she tried to pass him to my dad. i should note my dad is the same way when it comes to holding babies. he first said no, but she persisted and he sat down nervously and held the baby close to his lap. my dad handed him back to my mom and she then tried to pass him to me. i simply held my hand up and said “he’s too small”. she gave me a look (as well as some of my sil family). when we got home i brought it to my moms attention of how she put my dad in an uncomfortable situation and told her how she doesn’t respect anyone’s boundaries. she blew up of course and said i was an ah and how i should be ashamed for not holding my (first) nephew. she also hinted how me and my sil relationship was a factor of me not wanting to hold my nephew. our relationship isn’t on good terms bc of drama, (her family knows too) but i’ve decided to overcome my pride during her pregnancy and made an effort to be involved. i told my mom she should give me and my dad an apology but she believes she did nothing wrong and that we need to grow up.

nta

in an ideal world, it should be enough to say, "oh, no, thank you, i'd rather not" without being penalized for it, pressured, or forced into it. that goes for anything, not just holding a relative's newborn. nta for not wanting to.

nta. if someone doesn't want to hold a baby for whatever reason, they shouldn't be pressured into holding one unless there's some sort of emergency happening.

127sj97

aita for telling my sister i won't be answering to her every need anymore?

i (25f) have an older sister (28) who has been relying on us for everything since she was a kid. she does not make or go to appointments with her doctors without me or my mom (even though she is diabetic), does not respect appointments at for example the bank, does not take her kids to school, does not go to work by herself etc... she has been heavily relying on me and my mother for most of her life, except for the 5 years i went to university and was in another city, in which period she relied on my mother only. when we were younger, this organically grew out of compassion and pitty: "i'll help her because she doesn't seem to get it done by herself and i don't want her to get in trouble in for example school". but this has become a convenience and now she expects me to cater her every need. granted my mother always raised her as the non-independent one where i was expected to be independent and helping everyone. anyway, after college i returned home (which is normal in my country) and the same habits got reinstalled. it goes as far as me leaving work early to go pick up her daughter from school and bringing her home, me skipping my hobbies because she needed something etc. etc. i've had it with this system for a while, but i'm planning on moving in with my boyfriend who lives 180 km away, and on discussing the subject my sister and mother asked how i was planning on taking care of my sister and het kids... i responded i was not going to be able to help out as frequently as i used to and it would be more on an emergency basis they could count on my help... now both my mother and sister think i am being an egoist.. and prioritizing my own life above theirs.... but i feel like i do have a right to my own life... so... aita?

nta

nta you should be prioritizing your own life above your sister and mother's. its your life! they aren't prioritizing your life over theirs, are they? no, they're not!

nta. i'm a little disappointed you missed the opportunity to say, "are you an egoist for prioritizing your life over mine?" anyway, you're implementing boundaries and most people hate boundaries implemented from people they've been benefiting from. you're being exploited, of course they're angry that'll stop. what slave owner was excited when their slave ran away.

127sl5i

aita for playing sick on the day of my brother's wedding

i (31f) and my brother (26m) have never really gotten along. he has just been very toxic towards me for as long as i can remember. and it goes farther than just sibling rivalry i have a mental disorder untop of other disabilities and he has mentioned on many occasion that i will never find love cause no one will want to deal with my disorders he has called me many names that pertain to my issues. aside from crazy and idiot most i don't want to type cause they are offensive we are technically only half siblings and he makes sure that he only sees me as half his sister. he also likes to bring up the fact that our mom had me out of wedlock and there has been the constant stealing from me. i have had money and food dissappear from my room and always seems to find its way in his room. i had finally decided to cut him out of my life and probably should of done so sooner but i was just hoping we could get past this he has been dating his now wife for over ten years now. she has made him nicer and has brought out the best in him. but overall he was still rude to me. he had proposed to her about 2 years ago and even though we know longer had any kind of relationship i still had every intention of attending cause it felt like the right thing to do. his wedding was in november. i had finally found a dress and accessories that i liked about 2 weeks before the date. both he and his fiance came over me and my mom all showed them the dresses we had picked out. my brother was giving my mom compliments on how beautiful she looked. then he turned to me and said " wow you actually look pretty for a change" he was clearly trying to compliment me while also insulting me at the same time. i quickly got out of my dress and then made my mind that under no circumstances was i going to the wedding finally the day of the wedding came and i played sick. my stomach hurt, puking all night. running to the bathroom. sorry but i can't go. my parents and brother were angry. they informed me i should just take some medicine, buck it up and just attend the ceremony and could stay home for the reception. i held my ground though and just told them it would be better if i didn't attend. eventually they left without me and from what i've been told most of my family had thought what i did was a jerk move and i was probably just making my sickness worse than what it was because i was jealous of my brother. me and my brother are still no contact. a part of me feels like i should of just attended my brother's wedding and just of gone no contact after the fact like we already are. but i just don't know how much i would of enjoyed myself after what my brother said to me. so aita for playing sick on the day of my brother's wedding

nta

nta. im normally a big believer in honesty but i also think they have to deserve honesty in order to get it. if they’re going to be accuse you of jealousy, yell and abuse you or try to emotionally manipulate you then they dint deserve your honesty. and you get to say whatever makes things easier for you.

nta. op could've told the truth, but what are the chances her family would side with her? they would've told her to suck it up to keep the peace, & that's not ok. sometimes telling the truth will make the situation worse.

127sqmz

aita for calling my friend tom

i (m 16) am ftm trans and my friend (f 17) who we'll call t kept calling me by my deadname. this went on for 6 months with me constantly correcting her. eventually i got tired of just correcting her when she had made no attempt to even correct herself so i decided whenever she called me by my deadname i would call her tom. this lasted for 2 days before she got fed up of it and told me to stop. i said i would stop when she started to call me mason (my current name) and she refused and said "your mental your still a child and your not a boy" i was shocked. there had been so many red flags in this person that i had been ignoring but i thought that it was just her being from another country and that she would change, but she didn't and now she has blocked me on everything. so am i the asshole?

nta

nta. your solution seems fair to me - she calls you by a name that isn't yours, so you did the same to her. seems pretty straightforward. besides, you don't need toxic transphobic "friends". you're probably better off without her.

nta you’re better off without transphobic friends. sorry this happened to you.

127stal

aita for showing pda on a flight and arguing for it?

recently i (29m) and my boyfriend (29m) were on a rather long flight- nearly 10 hours. we were sitting in business class (this is important), with me at the window and my boyfriend next to me. there was a small separation about a foot wide between each pair of seats. in the pair of seats next to us there was a lady sitting with her child, perhaps about 8 or 9 years old. after the first meal was served, i was sleepy, since the flight was late in the night. my boyfriend was reading a book, but the lights in the plane were dimmed so i leaned my head against his shoulder, snuggled and dozed off. less than an hour later i was awoken by a lady speaking rather aggressively with my boyfriend. i asked my boyfriend what happened and he explained that her child had peeped over the separation and seen us. his mother then also peeped over and deemed me sleeping over my boyfriend's shoulder inappropriate, and argued that pda should not be public, and said that her child would be corrupted by our sight. i was pretty upset because my sleep had been disturbed and argued for a bit that our pda wasn't excessive, it was literally just my head on his shoulder and perhaps some sleepy murmuring at the beginning. and called her a creep for peeping over the separation to look at us. she was livid to hear herself be called a creep. a flight attendant de-escalated the situation pretty quickly. but now looking back i'm wondering if i should have just shut up and ignored the lady. calling her a creep might have been a bit much. i still think our pda was pretty appropriate. so, aita for showing pda on a flight and calling someone a creep when told not to?

nta

nta. i thought by the title that you were going to describe something much more intense than literal sleeping. i'm not even sure i would call that "pda." i wouldn't object to a platonic friend resting their head on my shoulder. the lady was way out of line.

nta if you'd been making out that would be one thing, but resting your head on your partner's shoulder is not pda in that sense. perhaps that woman would be more comfortable if she sealed her child in bubble wrap and secured them in a closet until they're 18.

127sur2

aita for continuing to see my sister after i’ve gone nc with my dad?

buckle up for some family drama, because this teapot is full to bursting. to make an extremely long story short, i (20f) left my parent’s home after my dad (52m) had a bipolar meltdown and demanded everyone leave. he has a history of explosive outbursts like this, and i can go in more detail in comments if needed. i still visit my little sister (17f) to check in on her and just hang out with her. i don’t do this in the house, i drive over to take her out of the house for some sisterly fun. however, my dad is now furious again because i am not speaking to him, and believes that i should not be able to come over even to just pick up my sister because i refuse to talk to him. my mom also thinks i’m an ah for refusing to talk to him because i could just “walk away if i don’t like what he is saying”, but in the past doing so has resulted in another explosive episode. i don’t think i’m an ah for still going over to pick up my sister, but i’ll leave it to reddit since now my mom is saying it too. aita?

nta

nta. you are not obligated to have contact with anyone in your family who makes you uncomfortable for any reason. not speaking to your father doesn't mean you have to cut contact with your sister, too. your father shouldn't be punishing her for the consequences of his actions.

listen to yourself because you are nta. the man has some serious issues and would love to get the long version of the details.

127sxyj

aita for reneging on my wife and i’s agreement?

i “pete” and my wife “eve” have an agreement. the agreement says that if one of us has a complaint or “suggestion” that we want to voice to the other person, we have to preface it with at least 2 compliments. so for instance, if i wanted to approach my wife about leaving her dirty clothes on the floor, i might first tell her that i liked the new shirt she bought and that i appreciated how she did the laundry the previous week, and then i would ask her if she could pick her clothes up. yesterday, eve was making some oatmeal chocolate chip raisin cookies, a recipe that she makes often by stirring together an oatmeal cookie box mix with chocolate chips and raisins. i really dislike raisins. so naturally, i have never cared for this recipe, and i have even strongly implied my dislike for them on a number of occasions, but my wife never seems to get the hint. so yesterday while eve was getting out the ingredients to make the cookies, i started with two compliments (i said that it was a nice gesture for her to make cookies for the family and that i liked how she cooked them for the perfect amount of time so that they weren’t too hard or too doughy). i then told her that i didn’t care for the raisins and that i would appreciate if she made a few cookies without them (since the raisins aren’t already mixed in— eve adds them and the chocolate chips to the box mix.) my wife nodded, so i thought that meant she was saying yes. later, she announced the cookies were ready to eat, so i came over and asked which ones didn’t have raisins. with a confused expression on her face, she asked me what i meant. i reminded her of our conversation earlier. eve replied that since i had given her two compliments on the cookies but only one complaint, she thought i enjoyed her raisin cookies more than i disliked them, so she continued with the original recipe. she said they couldn’t be that bad if 2/3 of my comments about them were positive. i was at a loss. so i just sat down. i wanted to say something, but i didn’t know how to articulate my thoughts. finally, i decided to just go for it. “eve, -” i began. but before i could continue, eve interrupted in a warning tone: “careful pete, remember our agreement.” at that point i lost it. i stood up abruptly and told her i couldn’t pretend anymore and that the eating the raisin cookies like this was unbearable and that my feelings about the cookies were pretty much all negative. (i didn’t preface that comment with 2 positives, so i broke our agreement here.) at first i thought i was justified but i talked to my friends who told me that my wife doesn’t owe me cookies and i should just be grateful she made me cookies at all and i shouldn’t have broken the agreement. eve is still mad at me. so, aita for breaking the agreement?

nta

what.................... did i just read? sounds like a great way to cheapen compliments and to set up the listener to always expect something negative after a compliment. if my wife says something nice to me i don't want to then start wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. she's also an idiot for her reasoning about the cookies and the 2/3 thing. your friends are both right, she doesn't owe you cookies, and are also idiots by implying you should just stfu and eat them. nta just because the agreement needs to die.

holy cow the communication in this relationship is abysmal. in what messed up world are you not allowed to *share that you dislike raisins* without offering two essentially unrelated 'complimentary' preambles? this is so freaking odd. maybe well-intentioned, to form more positive exchanges, but this feels really extreme and counterproductive to me. nta. your wife failed to uphold her part of the agreement you'd made - whereas its intended to allow someone to voice a complaint or request, she has repurposed it into a new thing in which the complaint/issue is not heard at all if accompanied by positive sentiments...which a complaint must always be. facepalm. depending on your dynamic here, you're both kind of dumb or she's manipulative. think about it this way - you're not allowed to voice a complaint unless it is prefaced by two compliments, but if you preface a complaint with two compliments she then assumes the complaint doesn't apply? magic! no complaints are ever made! i suggest you get to therapy to get some intense guidance for how to actually communicate in a partnership.

127sylh

aita for making a kid leave my wedding?

after a long ass wedding day we hit the reception. things are fine until my hubby’s cousin anna’s kid started making a fuss about cake. like screaming and just a huge meltdown (autistic) over not having ice cream with his cake. like screaming. throwing himself on the middle of the dance floor kicking his feet and he’s offered several sliced of the cake only to throw them. the floor is a sticky mess. i was planning on doing the father daughter dance right after this. i’m almost in tears at this point and thank god my sister and moh and my mother had enough of this and told anna and her son they needed to go. anna and her son refused to leave and the boy started acting worse to where my sister gets pissed off and told her to leave or the police will be called. that’s not an empty threat from my sis because her fil is a cop. anna leaves but we are now like an hour behind schedule because of a meltdown over ice cream. i’m not feeling any and leaving without the rest of the dances. the dj plays for his schedule time but no one is feeling it after the kids meltdown. new hubby gets a call on our honeymoon and his family (grandma, aunt, cousins) now want all of the wedding gifts back because my family decided to bully an autistic child who was allowed to throw a fit in the middle of the dance floor for an hour.

nta

nta as an autistic person i feel strongly about this. the kid didn’t have a meltdown bc of ice cream it was the thing that broke the camel’s back bc a wedding is almost guaranteed to cause over stimulation which leads more often than not into a meltdown. how the parent didn’t recognise this or even seem to think about how it could be a possibility- and then refusing to leave basically keeping your child in a very vulnerable state in front of a whole ass wedding party genuinely makes me angry. either way, you handled it the best you could, definitely nta

nta, of course. his mother should have handled that a lot better and removed him immediately.

127t26e

aita - feel like an atm

aita - been watching your podcast and never thought i would be posting. me, 49 female, does okay. husband 57, also does. solidly middle class. i grew up with my mother, 72, and brother 40. we were dirt poor. mom is now retired, brother incarcerated. i broke away from family, got two masters degrees and started my own business. married a hard working man who loves and supports me. mom was beggaring herself to send money, both legally and not, to incarcerated brother. went to check on her last summer and she didn't even have water service. fixed everything broken, got services back on, and contacted the warden of my brothers facility. my mother is now banned from sending him any money and they watch him closely. i provide a commissary allowance for him now, and also a supplementary income for my mother. its a bite out of our budget but it felt ethically like the right choice for mom's sake. now, grandma, 94, is declining. she's always been healthy and independent until 10 days ago. grandma is in a facility and 14 hours drive from mom. i am on the other side of the continent, by choice, as mom was not a good/nice mom and always favored brother. i have offered to fly mom to grandma to say goodbyes in person, despite grandma saying to leave her alone. mom refused because of the level of physical assistance she requires and she can't afford to be there without my money. my mother just called me with a plan. fly to her, pick her up and drive her the 14 hours to grandma. provide lodging, food, and gas, i would work remote for the week, and then drive her the 14 hours home, before flying myself back home. the bare minimum cost of this is steep. i can do it if i don't pay my taxes, or if i pull money from a shared account i have with my husband. my husband is against this. i don't want to do it. i already talked to grandma and we said all the things. we aren't a close family, other than mom and brother. but mom is laying on the guilt, and now brother is sending long guilt ridden and mildly threatening emails. they both are saying i am being selfish in not providing this when they know i have money set aside for various travels. they are correct. husband and i keep a mutual travel account and we both put money in monthly. we have been saving for my 50th birthday, in a couple of months, for nearly 2 years now. my mother's answer is i will still be alive and can go another time. grandma might be dying. my husband has pointed out that my family, while they have helped me some during the years i was a single mom, going to school and working, before that, they were very abusive and treat me like an atm. bottom line is i don't want to do it. i do want my mother to like me, and honestly, i don't want her to hurt. i do want to go celebrate my 50th with my husband, and enjoy life. am i the a-hole for declining this demand from my mother and my brother?

nta

you are nta here. your mom and brother have made their choices and you have been more than generous with your time and money. even after all you have done, instead of being grateful, they are demanding more. i am truly sorry that your mother is behaving this way. i am equally sorry, to be blunt, that it is unlikely that you will get the relationship you want from her, even if you caved and spent all the money on her. you deserve your vacation. don't let their selfishness and your kindness take it from you and your husband.

nta. i bet if you did do it your mum would barely visit your grandma, if visit at all, and treat the trip as an all expenses paid holiday.

127t2oo

aita for playing subway surfer while being at a bar with friends

i (18n) am hanging out with my friends (19f), (19f), (18f) and (18m). but my uber neurodivergency makes it so i can’t focus on what they are saying. so i play subway surfer to concentrate on what they are saying, because that works on tiktok, but i end up playing the game and not making conversions. now my friends say i am a stinky poop, aita?

yta

as the friend (19f), yes yta. i tried to ask you questions but you didn't answer so i left it at that. i feel like it's been a week since we had an actual conversation.

yta because it sounds like it’s not actually helping you concentrate at all, it’s just distracting you from your friends and making them feel like you’d rather play a game than hang out with them.

127tlz3

aita i "denied" a coworker a photography opportunity

throwaway and fake names. my (24m) friend adam (24m) is getting married in just under a week and i'm in his wedding. adam and his soon to be wife stephanie (25f) have both admitted planning has been really stressful for them and they really want to avoid any last minute surprises if they can. i was talking about being in the wedding at work and my coworker jimmy (32m) immediately asked if they needed a photographer. jimmy is trying to get into freelance photography and build a portfolio, so he's looking to take any opportunities he can. i told him i'd have to ask adam, but i know he does. in fact, adam and stephanie were lucky enough to get one of the best photographers in town for a pretty significant discount thanks to a family connection. first thing in the morning the next day, jimmy texted me asking if adam told me whether or not he could come to the wedding and take photos. i told him they had a photographer whom he was paying for, and jimmy then told me he didn't plan to take the photographer's place, he would just plan to work alongside the photographer shoot highlights for free to build his portfolio, and then adam and stephanie could keep all the photos. i told him while it would otherwise be a great offer, the wedding is under a week away, so i would feel uncomfortable asking adam if jimmy could come volunteer alongside the photographer he already paid for. now jimmy's really upset, saying i'm "not being supportive of a single dad's small business". i do feel bad for him, but i don't want to add to adam and stephanie's plate this close to the wedding. there are a few things i should point out: 1. adam and jimmy don't know each other at all. 2. jimmy and i are just acquaintances, we don't talk all that often. 3. jimmy has never done wedding photos before. reddit, aita?

nta

nta i do photography on the side just for the hell of it. you never do a wedding shoot with someone you don't know... the only way your coworker should have been invited to do photography is if he knew the main photographer and had set it up with them. i've even told my friends i would not be their main photographer due to the fact i've never done a wedding before. the main photographer could have been pissed if the amateur photographer was there and got in their way of their shots you don't need that type of headache

nta, jimmy obviously isn't thinking about how much he would cramp the style of the professional photographer that is being paid for the wedding. let him source another wedding venue but seeing as he doesn't know adam then he shoud just let it go.

127u34q

aita for breastfeeding in front of my friend and his wife and making a weird joke about my boobs?

didn't proof read this, sorry. i (f28) have a good friend "martin" (m28), we met in middle school and since we have been friends. martin and i went to the same college, back then we used to have lots of trips to the beach with friends, especially cancun since we don't live that far away. we traveled to cancun at least once during our spring break/ summertime. in mexico at least on the resorts and beaches we visited it's normal to go topless to have a nicer tan. i liked to sunbathe topless so i didn't had any bikini top marks, i used to do that everytime we went to the beach. martin, and my other friends, have seen me do it many times, for them it's not important. well now both martin and i are married to different people. my husband and i recently had our first baby, a beautiful 2 months old baby. martin and his wife "paula" (f33) have two kids too. paula and i are friendly and cordial to each other, we don't have any issues. anyway. i went to visit them last monday, i am on my maternity leave yet and i was bored at home, so as my husband is away in some business trip i went to have dinner with martin's family. after dinner their kids went back to play in their rooms and the three of us sat down in the lounge area to chat a bit more. then my son started crying, i picked him up and as he was hungry i commented that i needed to feed him. paula asked me if i wanted to go to their room, i assumed that maybe she thought i was uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of them, so i told her i was fine and just pulled my dress and bra down to feed my baby. paula then told me something along the lines of "don't you think it's better to bottle feed him or go somewhere private if you want to breastfeed?" i told her i was fine, i don't get embarrassed with something as natural as this. and she said "well maybe you're okay with it but other people might not want to see it", i told her back "oh, i didn't thought you would mind it, sorry, i won't do it next time" then she told me she didn't minded it, but her husband shouldn't have to see it. so this is where i might be an ass because i sorta laughed and said "martin? he's seen my boobs many times, trust me he doesn't care". he laughed back and said it was true and that's it's okay for him (like the whole breastfeeding thing). well after that paula went crazy, she told me what i said was very inappropriate and that (and this is literally what she said) "i shouldn't talk about the sexual activity her husband had with me in front of her because she's his wife and it's rude". paula did known about the topless thing, but just in case, i told her she got me wrong and that i meant that he saw me when i was sunbathing, she said that's "sexual activity" too. we argued some more. then she asked me to finish feeding the baby and leave. which i did because i was annoyed at her. now i don't know if i'm wrong or not here.

nta

nta. you were feeding your child. i could see how the "he's seen my boobs plenty of times" could be misconstrued if she hadn't already known about the sunbathing thing, but she did. it sounds like she deliberately twisted your words to make it into something it wasn't. and if sunbathing topless is sexual activity, heaven help the nude beaches.

nta. going against the grain but i’m not an american so maybe that’s why. if we’re close enough that i’m comfortable visiting with you with my newborn a couple months postpartum, we’re close enough that you are an ah for making me feel my boobs are somehow inappropriate. it’s not like you’re whipping them out to do a striptease. they can literally just not look at them… like lady if you don’t trust your husband to not be able to look at his friend’s boobs while breastfeeding without sexualizing them, i don’t know what to say. but again, not american. my colleague would go out for lunch with a few of us during her mat leave and breastfeed right at the table, so those are the cultural norms i’m used to.

127u6ep

wibta if i didn't go to my grandfather's funeral?

my grandfather recently passed away. i've never been very close to him, so i don't feel a strong compulsion to go for myself. i live 600 miles away from the rest of my family and i would need to fly to get there. the plane tickets alone would be about $400. not to mention i don't have enough paid time off at work to cover the time i will have to miss from work. in addition, the funeral is just days after our busiest day of the year at my job and i know i am going to be exhausted. to add to this, it is my paternal grandfather and going would mean having to interact with my toxic father and his new girlfriend. i want to be there for my aunt and cousin who were closer to grandfather than i was, and i would get to see some family and friends possibly that i don't get to see often. but i'm just not sure. i don't like the financial burden of it and how much i know i am going to hate it. and before anyone asks, no i will not be asking for help to pay for travel because my family is the kind that likes to lord that kind of thing over you for eternity.

nta

nta it would be lovely to be there physically for your aunt and cousin but you can provide great support remotely through calls, messages and flowers. if you don’t feel you need to be there for your own closure or because you want to go then you’re not the arsehole for not going

nta. tell your cousin and aunt how sorry you are and that you love them but you cannot get time off of work and cannot be there. tell them that you will try (no promises) to come later when you can take time off.

127ub6j

aita : for not allowing my 12 year old sister into social media yet

i have a 12 yr old sister. my parents aren't very affluent in technology so i handle parental control for her devices. today she threw a tantrum that she wants to join snapchat since all her friends are in the platform and she feels left out. i am on snap and i feel uncomfortable about letting her use social media knowing the vultures present in it. i also feel she isn't mature enough for social media. bear in mind snap is 13+ rated in the app store. i also set timers for youtube, prime and disney+ just to make her concentrate on her studies (yes we are asians and the timer is not there on her off days). she argues that i am trying to control her which i am genuinely not atleast not intensionally. she also says she too old to have parental control which i completely don't agree with. so, aita ? i am i controlling her too much ?

nta

nta, but talk to your parents so they know why her attitude has changed and why she feels like you're controlling her. you're protecting her from the scary stuff a 12yr old has no business seeing or having access to, even though a lot of them do.

nta. keep on keeping her safe, please! every tween thinks they don’t need any oversight at all. they all do.

127ucat

aita for not wanting to take new pants to my little brother in law after working all night?

just a warning, my mind can't put everything together in an orderly fashion so it may be harder to follow than other posts. i, 22 f, work overnights. on my feet, throwing freight or climbing on a stupid ladder all night. at the moment i have a bum foot (don't know what happened but it's hurting really bad). i got home with my husband, took my pants off, ate some food and put my foot up on some pillows. 2 hours being home we got a call from my mil and she said that husband's little brother ripped his pants at school and needs new ones. some background info, they live in a different city, she works about the same difference away as we live, but her husband works in the city in the same school as little brother. he could easily go and get pants five minutes away and get them to little brother. honestly i know i seem selfish but i'm so physically and mentally exhausted and i just wanted to cool down and try to relax for the next three hours that i'd be awake. based on the past, her husband probably just didn't want to do it so she asked me. i asked if anyone else could do it and she immediately got mad and hung up after saying she would do it herself. she was at work and now i feel like an asshole. my husband doesn't think i am but idk.

nta

definitely nta. **your bil is not your child.** why would you be expected to drive from another city to bring him pants when there is an actual blood relative (his father) literally in the same building and/or mom can make the drive from a distance equal to yours. it's weird they would ask you, tbh, rather than your husband.

nta, you need to rest and she's probably more pissed at her husband for not getting the pants than her having to go get them herself.

127uchh

aita for not wanting to attend my partner’s family’s religious ceremonies.

aita for not wanting to participate in my so’s family’s religious ceremonies. so my (m30) and my partner (f30) of 1.5 years got into a disagreement this morning about what would happen if we were to visit her religious parents in her home country. some background: i’m american and grew up in a catholic family but no longer am catholic. i occasionally attend mass with family on major holidays, or for weddings/funerals/“life events” ( typically 1-2x per year). i consider myself culturally catholic after a childhood of catholic school and weekly mass. my partner is not american and grew up in a foreign country in a strict pentecostal family. like speaking in tongues and everything. she is no longer religious herself and both of us see eye to eye on our personal beliefs. apparently, if we were to visit her family in her home country. she would expect me to attend (but perhaps not participate) in her family’s morning prayers, which from her description can often be quite elaborate. i said i’m not sure i’m comfortable with what i feel is her family imposing their religion on me. she got upset and compared it to her attending the funeral service mass of one of my family members, who passed away, recently. i felt like comparing it to a funeral service, which though a catholic mass is a one off event, isn’t really the same and frankly kind of insulting. first, because its a one off event, and second because its not about her participating so much as showing support for my family and i in our time of mourning. she has stayed with me and my family several times before and after this and never expected to go to mass. nor am i expected to go to mass. further, my so’s family has problems with boundaries. she limits contact with them because they don’t respect her boundaries. though my so said that i wouldn’t have to participate its not clear to me if they would feel the same. and that i might get roped into participating. further, her unwillingness to go to bat for me and defend my choice not to participate doesn’t instill confidence in me that she would defend me in the moment if pressured to participate. my partner seems concerned that her family won’t approve of me if i “turn my nose up,” at their religious events. also, we’re planning to surprise my father during easter weekend. (i frankly didnt realize it was easter weekend, when i made the plan.) my father’s wife, who is helping us plan to surprise him, asked us to attend easter mass with them. my partner and i agreed. i asked her if she had a problem with attending mass. and that i would go to bat for her if it was something she didn’t want to do. as i personally don’t expect her to attend mass if it makes her uncomfortable. aita for not wanting to attend/participate in her family’s religious ceremony? to be clear i’m mostly concerned if i’m being unreasonable or disrespectful. i feel like i’m not. but my partner was really upset by this conversation.

nta

nta. you shouldn't feel like you need to force yourself to participate in an elaborate religious ceremony on a daily basis just because these people are related to your so. comparing it to attending a funeral where you are there to support the person grieving is frankly ridiculous as well. i hope your so can see your side and doesn't force you to participate in something that clearly makes you uncomfortable.

nta. i wonder if these people were to visit someone of a different religion, would they agree to participate in the day-to-day rituals? i doubt it, people who pressure others to join their religious practices are rarely open-minded enough to respect other religions.

127umuy

aita for wanting tattoos?

i (25f) am with d (27m). i’ve had tattoos for years, way before i ever met d. i have both arms covered, a partial leg sleeve, the other leg has a big thigh piece, a rib piece on one side, small quotes on the other side of the ribs, and a back piece that goes across my shoulder blades. i have plans for more, plus a hand tattoo. i work in an industry that allows such, so it’s not a job concern. it’s a tasteful idea, just simplistic leaf/vine design and “live free” across the knuckles. he’s never been a fan of tattoos. he wanted me to remove several of them, mostly the back piece because he says it “stares” at him. he knew i wanted more tattoos, including hand tattoos, long before we ever dated. apparently, he went into this thinking he could change my mind and keeps saying things like “if you loved me, you’d respect my opinion on it and not get that” i still want it, obviously. and it’s drawing lots of mental conflict for myself. i love him, but i feel it’s unfair of him to ask me to change my plans. it’s my body, after all. right? i compromised in other areas, and changed my tattoo plans so i wouldn’t be covered in other areas. i have minimized my tattoo to-do list so much, there’s pretty much only quotes left, except the hand tat, a filler on my elbow, and maybe something else on the partial leg sleeve (just to make it look more complete). am i unreasonable with my hand tat, since i wanted it longer before we ever started dating, and he knew i was going to get it before we started dating? or should i cave and “respect his opinion” on how my body should look? am i just crazy? please help.

nta

nta obviously. why are you dating someone who is trying to change and control what you do with your own body??

nta. if he doesn’t like tattoos, he probably shouldn’t dare someone covered in them. he’s allowed to have and voice is opinion, of course. but i think he knows he’s voicing it to the wrong person (through no fault of yours, i think you may be incompatible in this way).

127uo1f

aita for not sharing mom's ashes with her husband?

i 18f have lost my mother 47f in 2022. grew up living with my mom and sister 21f, us 3 had an amazing relationship. in 2013, we moved in with husbands (h) family. mom had to do most of the chores, they were fighting a lot. most of the fights were about h treating us as lesser kids (different rules, us always being at fault, never believing our side of the story). mom was increasingly unhappy with the relationship. the last years were tough on h due to health issues, and we felt like mom just stuck around to support his kids and because she felt bad for leaving a sick man. me and h were first respondent to mom's death. after the paramedics had arrived, i left the house and never came back. me and my sister planned everything there was to manage, including the funeral, all on our own (h didn't want to be included for some reason). h and i agreed that i would clear my room in the house in september. i planned a trip to spread my mom's ashes in september. i was the one wanting cremation so i could have ashes, h was indifferent about cremation vs burial. he asked to take few ashes as well, if i was about to do it anyways. getting the ashes is not exactly legal where i live. but someone who knew made sure i got them anyways (didn't push them to), but h failed to provide a container. i agreed that he could join my trip and we'd spread "my" ashes together. close to the trip, i told h i felt like i wasn't ready for it yet, and i wanted to reschedule (could be up to a year later!). he asked i give him some of the ashes so he can go by himself. told him that i didn't know if there would be enough for us to go seperately since i wanted to keep some ashes, but i'd provide him a *small amount* he blew up and called me all sorts of names, that i never loved my mom, always cared about money and nothing else. in the heat of the moment, i said he shouldn't behave like he was the good samaritan for covering funeral costs, since it is his legal obligation as the h, and especially because we didnt inherit anything and are on our own now. we had agreed i'd move my stuff out that week. due to the fight, he forbid me to get my stuff & enter the house. sent messages threatening to destroy my personal belongings, saying that i could only get my stuff in exchange for half the ashes. which i declined, since one had nothing to do with the other. he sent lawyer statements asking for funeral cost back, saying that i trashed the room (it wasn't tidy, but also not damaged),called me one night saying "be alert at night, because i will destroy you, you little bitch". went on how i was "sick" and never cared about my mother. threatened to go to the police about the ashes, even though that would mostly harm other people. he also talks shit about me to family. with all that, i refuse to give him ashes, for legal protection & because he shouldn't treat the daughter of his wife like that. aita?

nta

nta he's threatening you & you are legally allowed (in the us anyhow) access to your things, with police there if needed. i would try to record the threats as evidence in case something happens. family violence kills.

nta i'm so sorry about your mom dying - it's hard especially at your age. but as her husband and closest kin, he probably has a legal right to decide what happens to her remains. and the reality is their relationship wasn't forced on her, she chose it and chose to stay. is he an ah? yes. has he treated you horribly? yes. consider honoring your promise to him - don't be an ah like him, perhaps even as part of a negotiated end to all issues, and then never have anything to do with him again.

127v1cl

aita for asking my bridesmaid to cover up or she’s not invited?

i’m from the southern us, getting married so basically all of my sisters and cousins are my bridesmaids. before asking one sister in particular to be a bridesmaid, i explained that although i love her dearly, my wedding isn’t the place to show off her tattoo and to please have it covered. she went on to say would i be asking the other bridesmaids or even the groomsmen if they were going to cover up their tattoos. i said probably not because none of them had a naked woman (nipples and a coochie slit visible.) about the size of their hand. she said well then she won’t be a bridesmaid. i said that’s fine and i understand but she won’t be at the wedding period if she doesn’t cover it up. if anyone has anything crude or explicit at the wedding they will be asked to leave. there will be children in attendance and people me and my fiancé work with. we are getting married in october. by no means will she be in the sweltering heat. the bridesmaids dresses also ensure that it would be mostly covered to an extent but you would still see the bottom half of the very bared naked lady. she’s not backing down and i’ve asked the wife, paige, of a groomswoman to just please be on standby if she can and she can just escort her wife down the aisle. i offered that she could wear a suit like one of the groomswoman is wearing. my sister uses she/they pronouns and will sometimes dress more masculine. finally, she asked to be a bridesmaid. i gave her the option of backing out and it wouldn’t hurt my feelings and she agreed.

nta

nta. at first i was going to ask why does she only have to cover up her tattoo... >i said probably not because none of them had a naked woman (nipples and a coochie slit visible.) about the size if their hand but then you mention what the tattoo actually was lmao. i’m pretty sure having that tattoo visible at a wedding is insanely inappropriate, especially if kids will be there

normally i‘d say y.t.a but given what the tattoo is nta

127v2b2

aita for telling my professor about my instructor sending unprofessional messages?

i’m (25 f) a student in a health care program. i’m currently doing clinical rotations and was placed with a clinical instructor (m 32). the 5 weeks i was there he was rude on and off. i stayed professional and was ready to be done at that location. on my last day i saw a message he sent on the internal messaging system for the hospital to another coworker. he said he was “going to fail her (me) and she’s going to become homeless and work the streets because her career is over.” i was a little shocked about the unprofessionalism. he didn’t fail me, he gave me a great grade and recommendation so he was just joking. here is where i might be wrong. i told my professor about the message he sent to a coworker about me and that it just felt a little wrong to see that. my professor got very mad and said he no longer needs to teach students if he feels that comfortable about making inappropriate jokes at their expense to other people on hospital messaging software. she called him and his boss and chewed them both out and he is no longer allowed to be a clinical instructor for students. my classmate was supposed to start her clinical there soon and is being moved to a new place. i know he was joking, and i didn’t want him to be banned from having students, i just didn’t think it was professional and made me as a student feel badly about my time at that location knowing other employees saw this message about me. so aita?

nta

nta and that guy should definitely be banned from working with students. those types of "jokes" are not appropriate in a work environment where you have power over people. and by the way, that sounded much more like a threat than a joke. i think your marinara flag detector is full on broken.

nta. >my professor got very mad and said he no longer needs to teach students if he feels that comfortable about making inappropriate jokes at their expense to other people on hospital messaging software your professor pretty much just said what a lot of people are thinking. he shouldn’t be teaching if he is this unprofessional

127v2tu

aita for refusing my dads help with setting up a t-knot while out fishing?

i (36 m) and my dad (61m) and a couple of his friends were started to leave the dock on his friends boat. my dad starts getting everything set up while we’re riding on the boat as our final fishing destination was 30 minutes away. i saw one of “t-knots” and was very interested in learning how to do it myself and told him that i’ll be attempting it without his help. he warned against it as he said it took him a while for him to get it and he doesn’t want me wasting my time frustrated trying this knot for the first time on a moving boat. so i told him, let me try for 15 minutes and if i cannot figure it out i’ll have him do it, he was visibly irritated but said fine. during those 15 minutes my dad interrupted me 6 or 7 different times asking if i needed help and i think it might of been his anxiety that was causing it. i started to get frustrated but was keeping it to myself at least for now. as you might of guessed i failed in creating that knot and my dad did the knot for me. i see my dad face and can see he’s super unhappy and ask what’s wrong and he goes on a little rant about “why don’t i trust my own father” and “why would i not take help when given to me.” at this point my frustration came out and i said to him if you’re offering help don’t have expectations on how they’ll receive that help. we completely disagreed with each others assessment and decided to end the discussion. we went on to fishing and everything seem to be fine but the next day i got a call from my mom (60 f) saying how much it hurt him, and day later it was still bothering him. seeing how upset my dad is i must be the asshole right?

nta

nta but it sounds like this might be deeper than just about the knot. you said you think his anxiety was getting to him which i think i agree with. my dads the same way. kind of a bit of an overbearing "control freak" at times cause he can't relax unless he's done something himself, for what reasons only he and his anxiety know. understandable but it doesn't excuse his overreaction. but i also kind of am wondering if this goes deeper than surface level anxiety. is he maybe feeling some complicated emotions lately? could your confrontation just be the manifestation of some outside stress hes feeling? or it could be as simple as he felt a little "embarrassed" that you didn't give him more authority over you around his friend group. thats also something my own dad would absolutely do. my dads anxiety can cause him to worry about how people perceive him, *especially* his friends.

nta. you’re 36 years old. dad should know how to let go of the reins by now.

127v6v3

aita for not wanting to be a doctor like my father wants?

my father decided that i should be a doctor even before i was born, and all my life he's been telling me that i'll be one when i grow up. now, with a few months left before my o levels, i've started thinking about what subjects i should take for a levels. when i was younger, i didn't really care, but now, things have changed. i have absolutely no interest in anything related to biology, and i feel like i could reach my full potential pursuing physics or mathematics. my mother doesn't mind the prospect of me pursuing one of those fields, but she tells me i should fulfil my father's dream of me being a doctor. my father also takes this very personally, as he refuses to even talk about the prospect of me being anything but a doctor.

nta

well, getting a phd in math or physics will still make you a doctor. you were not born to fulfill your father's dreams. tell him to watch dead poets society and get over it. nta.

nta. what you do with your life is your choice. your dad could want you to be a doctor all he likes but at the end of the day he can’t force you to be a doctor

127vb9b

aita for not letting my daughter take belongings to her cousins house?

i posted earlier about the car seat story, well i have another story involving that same family that happened last weekend. my (f 24) husband (m 26) has a daughter from a previous relationship “lila” (5 female). i have been in lila’s life full time since she was 2 but i’ve known her parents since her mom was pregnant with her. her mother has been in and out of rehab since she was one and we try to help our daughter maintain a relationship with her mom and her family. i say she’s blessed in the aspect that my family (mom, stepdad, dad and stepmom) loves her just like she’s their own. my mom calls her her first grand baby even though there’s no biological relationship at all. i love it. when lila started school in the fall my mom and her maternal grandmother both contributed in getting her a phone and take turns paying the bill just in case something ever happened (the news makes them worry more and more every day). she’s turning 6 in june but my dad and stepmom are moving to japan in a few weeks for the military and won’t be here so they gave me an ipad to put up until her birthday party. i put it in my bedroom closet. my dh’s sister (f 31) comes and cleans for their grandmother weekly for extra money. during that week’s cleaning session she claimed to be getting my carpet cleaner out of my closet which i didn’t mind, she cleans the carpet every few months and she uses it often. i thought nothing more of it and took my stepdaughter, nephew and son to the playground to burn some energy. a few days later i was going through my closet deciding what i wanted to keep or donate when i noticed the ipad wasn’t in there. i just figured my husband had moved it and planned to ask him later. shortly after my sil comes over with her kids and they had a brand new ipad. normally i wouldn’t think much of it but i noticed lila’s name was engraved on the back. i confronted my sil about it and she said she didn’t think it was a big deal because lila had a phone and didn’t need both. i reset my old ipad and gave it to them and took the new one back stating it was a birthday present from my dad and she had no right taking it. fast forward to last week and my boy/girl twin niece and nephew had a cousin sleepover and we let lila go because she really does love her cousins, but i told her she can’t take her ipad or the new phone her grandparents got her over there. she was a little upset but shortly got over it and took my old iphone 8 with her. when i got back my mil jumped down my throat for not letting her take it and i was an asshole for not trusting sil around her electronics after she had already taken the ipad in the first place. i don’t think i was wrong, was i?

nta

nta she stole from your daughter and was so blasé about it.

nta and explain to mil exactly why you don’t trust sil. also get husband involved and he can deal with mummy dearest. sil is lucky you didn’t do far more than that. it is theft and what else has she taken? i wouldn’t let her back in my house if she pulled that stunt.

127vees

aita for complaining about hearing my friends have sex every day?

i am a freshman in college, and within the first week of the semester, i formed a friend group with a few other students. only a few are relevant to this story, so i'll just name them. i have a best friend i'll call "jake". i met him the day the semester started, and our dorm rooms happened to be literally right next to one another on the same floor. we see each other often, and usually talk to each other to check up on our mental states. then there's his current girlfriend i'll call her tammy, and she's... complicated to say the least. we met her a day after our friend group started to form, and it only took 3 days of knowing each other before the two started fucking. this in an d of itself is no concern to me. what two consenting adults do in their room literally has no impact on me...... except for in this specific situation. tammy lives in a different building, but is almost never there, having moved in with jake right next door. so i have the pleasure of hearing them fuck constantly. the walls here aren't that thick, so loud noises disperse easily. on most afternoons while i'm in my room, i have to hear tammy scream and moan and gasp for breath as their bed rocks. i've tried everything i can to tune them out. i've made sure their windows are closed, i've closed my own windows, i've put headphones on, i've buried myself in my blanket, but nothing i've tried can even so much as dampen her screaming, which without exaggeration half the floor can hear. now, my friends and i have a private groupchat, consisting of about the 5 of us. for a while, i would text something each time i heard them fuck, usually an emoticon (-_-), an exasperated message, or a meme basically acknowledging that someone is fucking. tammy has always gotten mildly annoyed by this, but it's never been an actual issue until a few days ago. while i was in my room eating ( i have to keep food in here so i don't starve myself) i hear them screaming and fucking while i'm mid meal, and that sort of set me off. it made me feel gross having to constantly hear that, and i made that sentiment known in our group chat (they started fucking again while i'm writing this -_-). tammy took this extremely personal, exclaiming that i need to get over it since it's been going on the entire semester, when that is the precise reason it is getting to me. i'm tired of hearing them fuck 1-2 times a day almost every day. i can't even enjoy the quietness and solidarity of my room without the excessively loud noises of them fucking making their way into my room. my other friends have mentioned to me since this that tammy is actively mad at me, to the point that she has been continuously ignoring me anytime she sees me. i feel like she is being unreasonable over this. i havent made any demands or told them to stop fucking, or impeded on their sex life whatsoever, i've just made it known that something needs to change, because i'm tired of hearing it.

nta

nta. why can't they go to her dorm? or anywhere else? i'm constantly amazed and dismayed by the absolute lack of consideration so many people feel towards others. especially concerning sound. all i can think of is to reciprocate, but i don't think you will want to. blast loud funny music, like that famous circus music, whenever they start up. or blast a nature documentary clip of them talking about animals mating. "watch, as the male approaches the female" etc. alternatively, is there any way you can move dorm rooms? if she's not using hers, maybe you can? it would be a big inconvenience to move, i know, but it might be the ideal solution.

nta do you not have an ra or is it an apartment. play back porn really loud thru their wall or tape them and say would you like a copy of what you share with me every day. yes they can do what they want but she doesnt have to holler and moan so loudly. ask any parent who doesnt want to wake their kids, you can have a great time but also keep the volume down. i think at this point shes doing it deliberately

127vewc

aita for telling my in laws it's insulting to be proud of their son?

i know the title looks bad, but 7yrs ago, my husband and i had a surprise baby while we were casually dating. we decided to keep the baby and we are now happily married with 4 kids. my mother in law always gushes and says how "proud she is that her son stepped up and took responsibility and didn't run away" in regards to our baby. it always irked us for these reasons: 1. my husband always said it bothered him and it was insulting because it just confirms their opinion of him was on the floor and they assumed he was going to dip out. 2. mil always said she's this proud feminist, but if i'm to be honest, where is my trophy for carrying the baby, giving birth to the baby, and sticking around to parent? well, because motherhood is expected, and fatherhood is optional apprently in her eyes. it's like the bar for fathers is so low, she and her friends are praising one for.... not being a deadbeat and taking responsibility? anyway, last time my mil gushed about it in front of our kids on how elated and proud they were of their father not abandoning them, i finally said something: "you know mother in law, i get where you are coming from, but husband and i don't value the same sentiment and prefer you didn't say that in front of our children." basically told them our reasoning listed above and now they uninvited us to family dinners calling me in particular an asshole and that they're allowed to be proud of their son, even though my husband says he shares the same sentiment and has backed me up 100%. aita, reddit? should i have kept my mouth shut? thanks.

nta

nta you are right. your children shouldn't grow up hearing that they should be grateful that dad didn't abandon them. children deserve the security of knowing that their parents wanted them and would never have considered they could be happier without them. her words are abusive, and need to be nipped in the bud. especially around the children.

nta. it's completely inappropriate to say that in front of the kids, and you're right to tell her so. you and your husband also have every right to tell her that what she's saying is actually insulting. yes, she has the right to be proud of her son. but you and your husband have the right to determine what is and isn't said to/in front of you and, especially, your children.

127wccv

aita for ignoring my bfs mom on social media?

long story short. my boyfriend (23m) is a marine, i (30f) am moving to where his next training is so we can be closer. so while on his leave we decided i would move to his next training location since he will be there 6 months. we have been long distance for 5 months and both want to be closer. his training has been hectic . i asked him to be the one who tells his mom so that it comes from him. he has not had a chance yet. i posted on a random facebook board about having a moving sale. i had no idea she was on that board. i was there to delete the post since the sale had happen and noticed she just happened to be part of the group and commented “where are you moving?” . of course my bf didn’t have his phone for 9 days during this time. i went ahead and still deleted the post and have not said anything. am i the asshole? some background: on his recent leave he spent almost all of his time with me . while he was away at training we had a miscarriage and we were both pretty emotional about it still. i mostly get along with his mom and make an effort to see her even when he is gone. she made a few comments on his leave about me hogging him and that he “lives with me now”. mind you he has not lived with his mom since he was 12. she also made a comment about how we better not “run off and get married” . we wanted to take a road trip on his leave and she got upset so we stayed in town. he ended up only seeing her twice anyways. i was encouraging him to spend time with her but he didn’t really feel like it. i feel like i could be the asshole because ignoring someone is rude. also, she everyone now knows except her that im moving. she also helped me through the miscarriage and is really nice to me usually. it seems like she is afraid of losing her son. i just wanted him to be the one to tell her.

nta

she asked through a fb post, not directly. so totally ok to ignore. nta but bf better hurry up telling her

nta these sorts of things are easily played off, so long as you don't make a habit out of it. if she does ask at some point, just act confused and say you didn't see that comment, apologize, and move on. but i would also let your boyfriend know next time you talk that she saw that post, and he should tell her the plan asap.

127wkyz

aita for interrupting my son's date so he could pick up his little sister?

i'm a single father (43m) to two children, max (17m) and liza (8f). i usually have liza in after school clubs so that i'm able to pick her up after work, however last evening i was given some work that had me working overtime, i did try my best to negotiate out of it but my manager told me that the assignment was to be completed by that night so i just did. it was nearing towards 6pm and i just knew i wouldn't be able to make it to liza so i called max and asked him to pick her up, he responded by saying that he couldn't because he was on a date with his gf for their 6 month anniversary. i told him that i understood but that i really needed him to get liza and that i'd make it up to him for interrupting. he just angrily turned off the phone and i thought that while he was mad he had just decided to pick her up. 30 minutes later i receive a call from liza's school on where i was because the school was close to closing down and no one was there. luckily one of liza's friend's mother said they'd drop her off and that was all good. however i don't really like it when liza goes with that particular friend, not because of the friend but because of the mother, she has this habit of asking maths questions in the car that she knows liza is unable to answer and then criticises her over it. it's all just very mean. i called max and asked him where he was and that he was in big trouble when he got home, he just told me that he was busy and to leave him "the hell alone". he came home at around 9pm, i told him he was grounded and that he was not allowed to use the car for a good three weeks. at that he got all mad and said that it wasn't his fault i was failing as a parent and unable to afford someone to collect liza. just want some insight on this situation, was i being to harsh and aita for interrupting his date? max and liza's mother is not present in their lives and no i did not think of socializing myself with the parents at liza's school, i am at work most times so i haven't found time outside of the yearly parent meetings. please refrain from insulting my son.

nta

so here's the thing: i get max's response. our kid is 19. i was 16 once. i get it. i really do. **but** the op made arrangements that were *supposed* to work and then something dropped on his lap. whether we like it or not, this happens. when it happens families ought to be a team. and in this case the team needed max to go and get his sister. again, max is 16. our kid has gone 8 hours without returning texts, but these were about simple things like "you coming home for dinner?" or what have you.. not "i'm stuck at work.. etc". anyway, nta. caught in a shit situation that could happen to any of us. yeah. *final thought:* the people who are like "oh she had to be asked math questions boo hoo"? yeah, i failed/nearly failed every math class i've ever taken. being quizzed on math by some random mom who then mocked my ability to answer the questions? i'm 53 now. i reckon that would drive me to drink and, theoretically, i have coping skills.

dad was at work. he didn't deliberately ruin son's date. it was an exceptional work-related situation and he needed son to step up as a family member to pick up his sis. it seems dad does his best to let his son be free, with enrolling his daughter in all sorts of activities to keep her busy until he finishes work. son could have stepped up this one. nta dad, and good thing you grounded your son, for his entitled behavior.

127wqpp

aita for not wanting to go out for my birthday?

my fam know my other account so this is a throwaway. :) so i, 15f (about to be 16 in 2 days) have really religious parents. i get restricted a lot and generally find it hard to get along with my parents sometimes. my birthday as i said is 2 days away, my parents believe that birthdays are satanic rituals and that celebrating your birthday is a way of sacrificing yourself to satan. i find this extremely annoying and daft since my 18m, 23f, 28m and 29m siblings have all celebrated their birthdays for years in the past and now that my sweet 16 is here, my parents are denying it. this truly already annoyed me but i backed down almost immediately when my parents started threatening to take my phone if i argued against them. so today my parents went out to go shopping together and i get a text from my mum saying to get ready. i was extremely confused and she said "let's go out to dinner for your birthday since you wanted to celebrate it so much." i was a little annoyed at her comment but what made it worse was when she said "we're leaving at 5:30. no later than that." i checked the time quickly and realized it was literally 3:56. i had no clothes ironed, i needed to shower and do my makeup and i barely had an hour and a half. i was extremely surprised and annoyed too and here's where i might be ta. i texted my mum back telling her all of this and she just said "get ready quickly then" and i was so pissed at this point since i wanted to also take cute photos. i told her that my birthday wasn't until 2 days and she told me that my dad was going to see his sister on my birthday (she literally lives 30 minutes away from us.) this pissed me off so bad so i blew up on her and said "i don't understand why you can't listen to me when it's my birthday, the least you can do is celebrate it on the day. you are both prioritizing dad's sister over me and it's so unfair that you lot would do that on one of the most important birthdays in someone's life. i'd rather spend my birthday with my friends than people who don't give a damn about me." she got extremely pissed and called me and started yelling. then when she got home, she gave me another lecture about not dictating to her or my dad. apparently the only reason why i'm allowed to keep my phone is because it's my birthday. also, forgot to mention, but they didn't even give me any money or birthday presents and didn't let my siblings/aunties give me anything either since it's a 'satanic ritual' so, aita here?

nta

turns out the most important day in your life is going to be the day you leave home. keep counting down the days. your parents are the kind of ah's that scare me just enough to not want to push the conflict because i realize you can't argue with illogical people. bide your time, and then leave. you have a long happy life ahead of you once you leave. i promise! happy birthday! nta.

nta. it's your birthday and what you want to do (or not do) should be the priority, but it sounds like your parents won't be amenable to that. i'm sorry about the crazy satanic stuff, sounds like they have their own issues to work on - why would celebrating your kid's existence be serving satan?

127wv1u

aita for not reminding my classmates we had a test ?

i (20f) attend a french university. each year, delegates are elected by the class to be the liaison between teachers and students. essentially, if a professor has files, information, problems, ... they need to share with the class, they send it to me and my co-delegate and we relay things like that. if important dates or assessments are shared in class, one of us sends a text in the class group chat in case people are absent. both me and the other delegate were chosen because no one wanted to run and after five minutes of silence, i volunteered to take on the job and she followed. this week, we had to make group presentations for my musical culture class. the teacher talked about it in december and announced the date, and my delegate and i sent a quick resume and the dates in the group chat as well. i had marked it in my calendar, so i got my group together (which includes the other delegate) and we finished it a few weeks back. the day before the presentation, i talked to a friend about being nervous to present since i hate public speaking and this teacher is known for being harsh. my friend was stunned that we had a presentation the next day. word got around, and around 21:00, someone sent in the chat something along the lines of "since \[me\] and \[other delegate\] didn't do their job, we have a presentation tomorrow." the other delegate showed the text that was sent in december, but many people in the class replied saying that we should have reminded them since, that it was our fault if they got a bad grade and some would ask the professor to move the exam date a week back because of this. many people gave me and my co-delegate the cold shoulder today, which really hurt. at first, i felt that it wasn't my fault or problem at all, but as the day went on i started to believe that it would have been an easy and nice thing to do to remind the others. aita?

nta

where does it say that besides delegating (which you did in december) you also had to be all these people's personal assistant? they should have noted the date when you passed on the information. and if they are not happy with the way you handle things, they should step up and do it themselves. oh no, they don't want to. /s nta

nta you did your job, you sent them the date. its their fault if they‘re not able to mark the date. they can only blame themselves.

127x7cg

aita for cancelling dinner plans with a friend the night before due to being crushed with study??

i have college on the weekends and we have to do pre learning before we go in so there’s more time for the practical work. we had an exam last week that took over one of the two weeks we had to get nine heavy pre learning topics done so i was very under pressure. i had made plans with the friend earlier in the week before i seen how much time the workload actually was taking. i had to cancel the evening before because i was miles behind and i couldn’t spare the time to go for dinner, i felt absolutely horrible having to cancel but if i didn’t have to work done i would have been lost in class. when my friend responded she was straight just giving out about it, she didn’t care about the fact i apologised profusely she just kept giving out saying i should have known sooner how long the study was going to take, and i thought i did but one section took two days and put me miles behind my study plan. aita for cancelling the evening before?

nta

nta you cancelled a dinner the night before and i think that was enough notice. she just didn't like the reason why.

nta you canceled with more than enough notice, regardless of your reasons. this is not a good friend, to put a minor dinner above your educational needs. they should be understanding.

127xdnt

aita for insulting my friend's job?

i (32f) am a part-time occupational therapist. i do not like my job but am sticking it out because i went through all that schooling. i have two best friends from high school and we get together a few times a year. recently we were out for clarie (32f)'s birthday dinner. claire works at a fashion production company in an admin role. we were catching up and work became a topic of conversation. i was talking about what i wanted to do for a full-time position and sarah asked if i would consider switching careers since i don't like what i am doing now. i said i didn't, and said "and i don't want to end up like claire miserable in an office job i hate." claire immediately got nasty and asked what the hell did i mean by that. i said, "well you don't like your job...." she said that wasn't true, sometimes days don't go well and she is sorry she ever confided in me about it. she called me super judgemental. well, claire is not speaking to me now. i am really direct and a straight shooter, i wasn't trying to intentionally hurt her feelings. i was just stating my perception of the facts. sarah is trying to talk claire down and reassure her all this. is she being too sensitive or am i the ah?

yta

> i am really direct and a straight shooter i've come to notice that for a lot of people that's code for being insensitive. yta

yta. you said you don't want to end up like your friend. in front of your friend. your friend rightly called you out. you might be a "straight shooter" but you are rude af. ps, how is it that your life choices are soooo much better when you currently hate your job - hypocrisy anyone?

127xg9l

aita for getting another best friend, after my og best friend started getting distant?

i have a best friend lets call her sam. sam and i have been friends since grade 7, we were inseparable, she always cam to my house, we hanged out a lot, we were always the duo in a friend group. we stuck together through grade 7 and 8, but grade 9 was where everything went down hill. i was on vacation when i found out that we were not going to be in the same lass anymore, i was devastated, what made it even worse was that my cousin , lets call her "cam", was in the same class as sam. cam and i are the same age, go to the same school and everything, but she has her friend group while i have mine, but i always felt like she was a little jealous of me and sam's friendship, but i didn't think any thing of it because sam was my best friend and was closer to me. start of grade 9, i was not happy in my class, had no friends, and was so lonely, until i became friends with rosy. rosy has been in the same class as me since grade 1, but we were never this close, but this year, since both of us had no friends in this class we became very close. sam started sitting with old friends during break time, coming to talk to us a little and then going to anybody else, and by time, she made new friends in her new class, one of them being my cousin. this made me so mad, i was happy for her, that she had new friends and was not lonely, but leaving me on the edge and befriending my cousin hurts...a a lot. they eventually started going out a lot, talking a lot, always in break time sitting together, and i was sitting with my friend group. don't get me wrong i love rosy, truly and i would never give her up to be friends with sam again, but sam was my best friend, and we don't hangout that often any more. yesterday we were having dinner together (me, rosy, sam ad our friend group), she was always on her phone talking with cam and the others, it made me so mad, while we were all playing she was sitting on the top bed of our bunkbed texting someone, or on her phone idk doing what. we have talked a couple of times, but she still thinks that it should not hurt me, so i started being distant from her as well, and getting closer to rosy and the others, so aita?

nah

nah not every friendship lasts forever. that's life.

nah. go with the flow.

127xhrl

aita for telling my manager not to hire my sibling?

my(16) sibling(17) has been looking for a job for a few months. i encouraged them to apply as a host, to which they did and got no call back. recently, there is a few openings in the position im in currently in. my manager told me i could work in a different area if we had more people in my position, and that i should tell interested people to apply. i told my sibling, and they have a job interview tomorrow. they have really bad motivation, and cant seem to get off their phone almost ever. they also are very irresponsible when it comes to spending birthday money/allowance (spending it all almost immediately after getting it on mobile games and such). one of the reasons i dont want them working with me is that i dont want their bad behavior to reflect on me or give me a bad look, and i also dont want to feed their unhealthy spending habits. also, not to sound selfish, but this is a job that ive worked hard to have for me, and alot of the things that are 'my' things will become their things. like i have to fight to have my own identity, almost. would it be rude for me as their sibling to tell my manager that i dont think they'd be a good fit? or should i not?

yta

yta. yes. of course you would be the ah, yes. you have every right to not want your sibling to work with you, but then why did you tell them about this position in the first place?? if you didn't want them to work with you, that's fine. but sabotaging them now before they've even been given a chance to prove themself would be incredibly fucked up, something your boss would not respect you for at all (you realize it would look bad on you to shit on one of your own recommendations before they've interviewed, right?), and possibly something that would take months if not years for your sibling to forgive you for if they found out. the betrayal would just be through the roof. additionally, its worth noting that not a single thing you've listed is a good enough reason not to hire someone. it's very clearly the bias of a sibling/family member, and that's fine! that's understandable that you view them in this negative light! you have a lot of intimate info on their most private inner workings. but that's the thing-- that's just how they are at home, when their guard is down. you have no idea how they would behave at work! maybe they are very responsible and diligent at work, and they just haven't been given a chance to prove themselves. my sibling is exactly like yours-- impulsive, irresponsible, bad with money, and perpetually on his phone-- and while i initially doubted him, as it turns out, he is completely responsible and mature at work. he got a job this year and he's working with another family member, so we get regular accounts and theyre all positive! give your sibling a chance to prove themselves. all that being said, if your boss comes to you for your opinion before hiring your sibling, you do have the right to, very gently and with professional reservation, express these concerns you're harboring. if you don't want your sibling's work ethic to reflect on you, you could also wait until after they're hired and tell your boss "listen, for the record, i know my sibling is working here now but i just wanted to make sure our respective work is evaluated individually, because i wouldn't want their work ethic--being that i don't know what it is and i've rarely gotten to view it for myself growing up--to reflect on me in any way." but don't sabotage them before anything has happened. that wouldn't be okay at all

yta, only because you specifically told them about the opportunity and then realized you didn't want their behavior to reflect on you. should have just said nothing if that was the case.

127xop5

aita for wanting to go to field hockey practice instead of babysitting my little sister?

a little over a year ago, my (14f) mom (35f) had a baby, my half-sister lucy (1f), with her on again off again boyfriend, nate (33m). i won’t say i was thrilled when i found out there’d be a baby in the house, but when lucy arrived i warmed to her very quickly. i almost always babysit when my mom needs me to without complaint. on most weekdays, the routine is my mom leaves with nate when i get home from school, and they usually come back within a few hours or so. don’t get me wrong, it sucks to miss clubs and stuff, but i understand lucy needs me more. however, i joined the field hockey team recently since i’ve dreamed of eventually joining the varsity team since middle school and i’m now a freshman, and practice is after school two days a week, which is the time i’m usually supposed to watch lucy. i’ve already had to miss practice several times and also a game since the season started, and my coach is about ready to boot me from the team. i explained all this to my mom, and she pretty much told me tough luck, these are the responsibilities that come with being an older sister. i told her i get that but this one thing is really really important to me and i promise i’ll watch lucy every non-practice day and every weekend too in exchange. she told me she didn’t think she raised such a selfish brat and asked how i could abandon my little sister like this. she said this is what i owe her for sacrificing her whole life to provide for me for nearly 15 years. i’m back in my room now and i feel like crying. i swear i’m not trying to abandon my sister, i really do love her, i just want to do this one thing and i thought it wasn’t too much to ask. aita here? edit 2: thank you all for your comments and advice, i had no idea this was a kind of abuse. i have a good relationship with my aunt even though i don’t see her that often (she and my mom do not like each other) but i think i’ll talk to her about what’s going on since we text a lot. i feel awful dumping my problems on her but you guys said this is a really big deal so i’m gonna trust you. thanks again everyone :)

nta

nta. please explain to your coach what is happening at home. if they're a teacher as well, they're a mandated reporter, and that means you could get some help with this. your mom is off for hours every day doing who knows what, leaving a young teen alone with a baby. that's not right. babysitting is like, once a week or something, and you get paid. *what you're doing is parenting.*

nta. you are being parentified/abused and it is not ok. your mom is responsible for her child, and she should not be leaving you with this baby every day. is there an older relative you can talk to about this? your mom is basically trading in your ability to do extra curriculars so she can fuck her boyfriend.

127xsr3

aita: for getting upset about sharing the bathroom?

\*sorry for the grammar, writing this made me flustered\* so my partner (m21) and i (f22) have been dating for over 3 years, and living together for 7 months. everything has been fine...ish, but recently i have been feeling a lack of respect for my boundaries. in the mornings my partner will wake up to do his morning routine (meditation and yoga) and i use that time to get into the bathroom to get ready for work. but usually, when i am in the middle of doing something he will always come barging in needing to use the bathroom (sometimes even while i am literally on the toilet). at first, it bothered me, but i didn't say anything because i figured he would stop when i complained. when he didn't stop i began trying to ask him to work around it better or speak up before i got into the bathroom. well, this morning i was in the shower and he did it again... he came barging in to use the bathroom, and i got upset with him. i will admit, i threw a shower poof at him... i know that's not mature on my part, and i do feel bad for throwing it at him. i was just so mad that i couldn't think straight, i also told him that "i will be locking the bathroom door from now on". after that, he left for the laundry room bathroom cause he couldn't "finish his business with me there", and once i was out of the bathroom and he was back i talked to him about how it made me feel. but he just quietly apologized and went to shower, which makes me feel like he will just do it again. i am just tired of fighting for privacy. we live in a small 1 bedroom apartment, and i am just asking for privacy in the bathroom cause i don't like to be barged in on. it's the only space where i get left alone, but i feel like i can't even enjoy that now. but now i feel like a fucking dickhead because i yelled at him. am i the asshole for just wanting some personal space? edit* sorry i should clarify, we live in an apartment building. the laundry room bathroom is in the basement, we are on the 6th floor. edit 2* i use the lock sometimes if i'm using the toilet, but if i'm in the shower, it feels inhumane to cut off access to the only bathroom in our house, just in case of emergency. i also have a back injury, so i was choosing to leave it open in case i had an accident or fell. it was comforting to know that at least someone could get to me if need be.

nta

nta and i hope you take this seriously. that is a very standard boundary in a relationship, if he can’t respect it, what other boundaries will he not respect? he can’t even respect something so basic…

wait, you have a second bathroom, and he's insisting on using the one you're showering in? nta at all.

127xvkm

aita for snapping on my friend and boyfriend

going to start by saying i(20f) am autistic and prone to sensory overload. often my reactions to sensory overload quickly escalate to full blown meltdowns. reason being, sensory overload gives me headaches, makes me dizzy, makes me feel like i have an “itchy” brain and is just all around unpleasant. i’ve told my friend (18f) and boyfriend (22m) this multiple times and each time it doesn’t matter because they just do it again. today, they began making sounds that they know full well send me into sensory overload super quick. i said “please stop” albeit forcefully a couple times and when they refused to stop i screamed at the top of my lungs “this is not fucking funny!!” they both laughed and my friend said “yeah see the thing is.. it kinda is tho.” i threw my arms up and said “if this is really entertaining to you, then clearly you two dckheads don’t give a flying fuck about me.” my friend responded again saying “wow, are you fucking kidding me it was a joke and i don’t like being accused of not giving a fuck about you.” i told her “well if you care about me stop fucking harassing me with sounds that i’ve told you over and over and over again trigger sensory overload. is me getting up and literally hitting myself that fucking funny to you?” she said “you’re kidding right you aren’t seriously blaming me for your choice to hit yourself right? you don’t see how manipulative you’re acting?” i said “no i’m not kidding and yes i’m blaming you because you keep doing things you’re well aware trigger that response. i’m not being manipulative i’m telling you for the fifth fucking time this week that my tendency to go into sensory overload isn’t your fucking source of daily entertainment and if you can’t joke around with me without crossing my boundaries i’m justified to believe that you don’t respect or care about me.” she responded “you use your autism as an excuse for everything. you’re a grown woman. i don’t make you hit yourself you decide to do that because you refuse to take ownership for your lack of control over your emotions.” i said “it’s not my emotions it’s my fucking reality!! sensory overload feels like physical fucking torture and again if you genuinely find pleasure in giving me headaches, making me dizzy and making me want to rip my hair out that’s sadistic. you’re the manipulative one for criticizing my response to your continuous disregard for my fucking boundaries!!” continuing, i said “sorry but fuck. i’m stuck in a house with two people banding together to get reactions out of me for fun. i feel trapped and you expect me to ask you nicely to stop every single fucking time? the next time you do it i’m not giving you any warnings and i will scream in your ear so i can simulate what you guys have been doing to me and what you guys think is so funny, then we’ll see if you really get it.” my boyfriend actually ended up seeing my perspective and apologized. my friend claimed that i was being “abusive”. aita?!

nta

>“yeah see the thing is.. it kinda is tho.” nta, but that person is ****not**** your friend. friends respect each other's boundaries, regardless of whether or not they understand them.

nta. dump both of them for the love of god. that’s abuse. they were abusing you.

127y3cm

aita for not eating with my stepmum?

i (17m) and my stepmum (38f) came to the uk from a different country 2 months ago. our family is muslim and it is ramadan where we fast from sunrise to sunset. my dad (48m) goes to work on friday - sunday night but took days off last week. today my dad went to work and he told me to eat downstairs with her but i said no and he ignored me. at 7.30pm, i went downstairs since she was in the downstairs bathroom and i took a date to eat. i saw no food but she had desert on the table and multiple plates and spoons. i went upstairs when she came out. at 7.47pm, when we were supposed to eat, i ate the date and she came to my room. she called my name and i ignored her and she went downstairs and called my dad. i saw she brought my brother food upstairs (he is antisocial and was sleeping) but brought me nothing. i heard her saying that nobody came downstairs and that she was eating alone. she sent my little brother to give me food a while after. my older brother came back from work and he asked about iftaar (sunset dinner). i said that i didn't eat with her and he was disappointed and said that i should have went downstairs to eat. i don't think i ata but what do you think? eta: she can't speak english so i can't communicate with her

yta

yta. going so far out of your way to avoid and ignore someone in your shared home without any reason is extremely rude and immature. if you have a valid issue with her, you need to communicate it.

yta. so you want her to cook for you and bring food to you, but you don't want to acknowledge her existence? why are you so rude. despite how you treated her, she still sent food up to you that she had cooked. what is your problem?

127y4hm

aita for telling my bil to prioritize his family over a rolex?

my (35) brother in law (37) is known for impulsively spending frivolously on things for himself and does not have the money for (most recently a pizza oven, paddle board, and other costly non essentials). he very much tries to keep up with the jones’ as well. anything he gets is because he saw someone else buy it because it’s trending. he’s up to his eyeballs in debt, not making money at his commission job, and currently fighting for his sobriety against a decade long cocaine addiction (that he successfully hid from his wife until a few years ago). i honestly believe his brain is stuck with cocaine impulsiveness, but he swears he doesn’t need rehab or therapy to fix his issues. he has a nice truck with a $600/month payment that his wife, my sister (36) makes the payments on. meanwhile she drives herself and their baby around in the same car she had since high school. it’s a tin shitbox that isn’t up to today’s safety standards. bil hits me up about wanting to buy a rolex and wanted some advice about buying one (i sold them for a long time). at that point i carefully worded my response and advised that luxury watches are for people who can afford them after everything else is taken care of and he needs to prioritize his family before buying one. i also mentioned that in my experience, the people who can truly afford a rolex could also flush the cost of one down the toilet and not be impacted even slightly; and that we’re not in that economic class of people. i’ve seen people overextend themselves on these watches just to be able to flex, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. i perhaps went too far by saying if he has money for a rolex then he has money to put his wife and baby in a safer car that was built in this century. he got upset because i didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear, but i meant what i said, and there is no one else there to save him from himself. his wife is trying to be very supportive of him and his recovery and usually goes along with his impulse buys because it “reduces their fighting” and the money isn’t going towards cocaine. it’s not my business but i worry for my little nephew and considerably less, my sister who enables him. i’ll accept the ah designation if i crossed a line here.

nta

nta - but i doubt it will get thru to him.

nta. you're doing absolutely the right thing and here's why: my late husband had exactly the same tendency towards reckless spending and also had an alcohol problem and other addictions. he sadly passed away in his 50's and it was only afterwards that i fully realised that the reckless spending and the other addictive behaviours are all linked and can be symptoms of depression and anxiety. they were all giving him the temporary hit that he needed to feel better in that moment but then made him feel even more depressed afterwards. your bil might need some help with the same issues.

127ydol

aita (28m) for not wanting to hear about my (27f) gf job?

context: i'm a high school teacher, she is a lawyer specialized in offenses implying children, both as perpetrators and victims. we've been together for 5 years i don't mind her telling me about her relationship with her colleagues, or other mundane things. i just don't want to hear about her cases. i'm fine with her mentioning the general matter of the cases she's working on, but i can't bear hearing about the details. i don't want to hear about these things on a daily basis, especially regarding my own field of work. she has grown insensitive to them (or, at least, way less sensitive than me), so often she will tell me too much details and i'm left here horrified (although i told her i don't want to hear them). obviously it is 100 times more vivid from her perspective, but it's the path she chose - and i admire her greatly for that. we don't really know what to do cause she needs to vent sometimes. of course when it becomes overbearing for her i will listen to her, even if that implies some depiction of her cases. but it still is hard for me. and to be fair i find this a bit egoistical of myself, but again, i think the vast majority of people (me included) cannot bear to hear about these things on a daily basis. it isn't a deal-breaker as of now but it is starting to cause tensions, and since she will keep doing that job (i never suggested otherwise), i would like to know who is in the wrong here. tl;dr : my gf is a lawyer and i don't want to hear about her cases on a daily basis. aita?

nta

nta. that's a tough thing for your relationship and obviously it's tough on her (no one can get fully desensitized to that - at some point your brain just goes numb to protect itself but it still has a deep effect), but she needs to talk about that kind of stuff with a therapist who is trained to be able to handle it. 'venting' like this can actually just spread the trauma she's ingesting to both of you, and in your line of work, it is that much harder on you and hopefully she can understand that. you need to draw a boundary for yourself and for the sake of your relationship.

nta i'm an appellate criminal defense attorney. at most my wife occasionally asks what i'm arguing and i watch her eyes glaze over as i start to explain it, even as i translate into layman's terms. i'm not going to burden her with the torrid details. one must develop a powerful ability to compartmentalize and even then it leaks. i wouldn't dump that on anyone else. ​ she needs to understand that you cannot absorb this. and if she cannot do it without dumping/sharing...well....

127yek5

aita my roommate/best friend has a new boyfriend...

​ so i (f, 24) live with 2 other girls, one of which is my long time best friend (also f, 24). we spent every minute of every day together since lockdown and told each other everything. since living together she has had 3 relationships that have got to the stage of spending time at each others houses. i have found myself becoming increasingly agitated every time a new 'love interest' comes into the picture. my roommate has a habit of becoming slightly obsessed with the person she is in a relationship with and tends to make sure she is never sleeping alone whenever she is in a relationship. so this means one of two things, either she is mia for an extended period of time where me and my other roommate never see her (they are long term friends from school) or she brings her love interest here. this time round, i don't mind this love interest because he is a friend-of-ours-turned-boyfriend-of-hers. in the past, i have had a problem with love interests because of my own malicious intent of trying to keep my best friend to myself. this isn't the issue this time. my problem is, when she is gone for long periods of time, we hear absolutely nothing and watch her food go mouldy and letters come through the door and packages on the doorstep and just have to deal with it. when she is here, she has her boyfriend with her and they are all over each other like a rash. it isn't as 'in your face' as a previous boyfriend which really caused an issue but it's just always there. the other day, me and the other roommate were watching a film together, something we had wanted to do, just us, for a long time. in comes her and the boyfriend asking 'so, what are we watching?' my malicious mind wanted to say 'well, we are watching a film, you two can do something else,' but then i really would be the asshole. throughout the film (which was one of my favourites), the boyfriend kept talking, making little jokes, interrupting the silences with odd remarks. the first few times it was fine, eventually, i had to leave and go to bed, missing the end of the film, because it all became too much. i didn't say anything because i felt it was selfish of me to do it but i was definitely pissed off. aita by being annoyed at her for not making time to see her roommates/friends and never sleeping in her own bed alone? the relationship is new but it should be noted that this isn't the first time she's done this and we have had long conversations/arguments about this issue. a lot of the time it became clear that i was in the wrong. this time however, i am biting my tongue and saying nothing but i am still getting wound up and annoyed and i don't know if i am being fair in reacting like this. need an honest opinion to know if i need to giving myself a stern talking to or find a way of talking about it with her for the 100th time. ​ note: i have had 0 relationships since we have lived together. and no, i am not in love with her.

yta

yta. the fact you talk about your "malicious" intent like it's a cute personality is distrubing.

yta she doesn’t owe you any of her time. and it’s really weird that you would even care when and where she sleeps in what bed. not your business. people get into relationships and they spend time together. they become a couple, that means being together. you really need to step back and realize that her relationships are none of your business. the way you have talked about your jealousy is honestly really concerning and you might want to consider therapy edit to add when a friend gains a partner, you become friends with that partner. i don’t really see why that’s a problem, get to know the guy and hang out with them

127yf9h

aita for making comments about a reality tv show?

long story short my (25f) boyfriend (25m) and i just got done watching a few new episodes of love is blind. we got to the part where the couples are sharing their homes with each other and i was commenting about how nice brett’s apartment was. “that’s a 36 year old man’s apartment right there.” “wow he’s got an isnta pot and a crock pot.” “he’s got an app for all his lights?!” i also commented on marshall cooking breakfast for his fiancé saying it was hubby material. mind you, my bf and i had been commenting on how nice both of these men were the entire show and how much more mature than are any anyone we usually see on reality tv shows (especially men). for me, it was great watching grown men cook for their partners and have nicely decorated and cared for homes. my bf said if i like these men so much i should go date an older guy like that since i like older men (something i shared w/ him about previous relationships when we’ve talked about our dating history before). am i the asshole for the comments i made?

nta

ouch, so he had this insecurity about you having a thing for older men. nta for making comments about men on tv for sure. however it would be nice to ensure your boyfriend that you're not comparing older guys with him and finding him less mature.

nta- if he was smart he would pay attention to what you were saying and try to see if he can make that work for him. seems he thinks your going to run off with some guy off the tv you've never met. geez he needs to grow some.

127z3zd

aita for not letting my estranged parents who disowned me meet my fian ce because they said he was a figment of my imagination?

i (36f) have been estranged from my parents for 2 years then a few months later i met my oh(43m) and just got enga ged. my parents disowned me when they found out i was a sex worker (my f iance knew from day one and is okay with it); about 6 months later my dad emailed me ranting and unloading on me bc he was pissed off that i wouldn't beg for their forgiveness, i just told him you guys disowned me i'm just respecting your boundary; disowning your kid is a permanent decision. the letter said i'm going to hell, no man will ever want me etc. i know i should've just ignored him but told him about the wonderful guy i was/am with, and he insisted that he must be a figment of my imagination and if he exists he must be a pimp (none of which are true, he has a great job, he's educated, loves and accepts me and treats me very well). they only stopped the pimp accusations when i threatened to sue them for slander/libel. my fian ce has very bad scoliosis to the point his spine is pressing on his heart and he has to have spinal fusion. my parents found this out through my aunt whom i'm close with (they saw pictures of us at her house on her facebook and realized he does exist after all). my mother has similar back issues (but not as severe) and used to be a nurse, they now want to "extend an olive branch" and meet him/"help" with care after his surgery. i told them for accusing him of either being a figment of my imagination or a pimp for that alone they don't deserve to meet him or be apart of our lives. they think i should "forgive" but i'm still salty over the ridiculous and ignorant accusations they made. my aunt thinks i should forgive them, that they were wrong but are trying to be better. aita?

nta

nta. doesn't sound like they're actually willing to apologize to you and expect you to forgive them just because. don't give in, i mean what are they going to do, disown you? oh wait...

nta, my groovy friend! now let's get down to business and analyze this wild situation you've found yourself in. first of all, your parents disowned you for a choice you made in your life, which, in my humble old-fashioned opinion, is not cool beans at all. family should be there to support each other, even if they don't always agree with one another's decisions. now, when it comes to your righteous dude of a fiancé, your parents made some seriously uncool accusations, both about him and your relationship. insisting he was either a figment of your imagination or a pimp is not only insulting but also downright ridiculous. it's important to respect the boundaries they set when they disowned you, but they can't expect you to be all peachy keen when they decide they want back in. and let's not forget that your parents only changed their tune after they found out your fiancé is real and has some medical issues. they didn't reach out to genuinely reconnect and apologize for their actions; they wanted to swoop in and "help" with his care. that's not groovy at all, my friend. your aunt may think that you should forgive them because they're trying to be better, but it's essential to remember that forgiveness is a personal choice. it's entirely up to you if and when you feel ready to forgive and possibly reconnect with your parents. so, to sum it all up, you're definitely not the ah here. you have every right to protect your relationship and decide who gets to be a part of your life. keep on being your fabulous self, and best of luck to your fiancé with his surgery! peace and love, dear one.

127z59c

aita for doing it anyways?

i 24f am engaged to my partner 25m of almost 5 years. about a week or so ago i applied through a local photographers fb page to participate in a group body positive x lgbtqia photoshoot at the end of may. for background the photographer (f) does mainly boudoir shoots and stated for this shoot models were to buy and wear a colored body suit (like a one piece bathing suit). 12 out of 81 applicants were chosen and not thinking i would even get picked i didn’t mention to my partner i was applying, well yesterday evening comes around and i jumped up with excitement as i received a message request from the photographer stating i was one of the models chosen. expecting my partners support, i told him and was faced with a reaction that was far from pleasant. my excitement quickly dissipated as he explained to me that he was upset that pictures of me in a body suit would be posted on the photographers pages for men to stare at. he considered it “as bad as having an only fans”. he told me if i end up getting bombarded with unsolicited d*ck pics he would laugh. we argued for a while on the subject and i told him that he was being misogynistic, and it was giving “you’re asking for it”. when it comes to men trying to get my attention i do not ever respond or think twice about it. i am faithful and devoted to my partner, when it comes to what i wear and what i post he has always supported me no matter how risqué, so what is truly the difference in taking this opportunity? we never settled the argument and just kind of changed the subject, and later that night i messaged the photographer back and signed the contract for the shoot. so am i the asshole for not considering his feelings on the matter? you’re only young once and out of 81 applicants i was chosen i wouldn’t have applied if i didn’t want to be apart of it.

nta

nta. first of all - advice from a person who is not in her twenties anymore: take allllllllllll the nude pics you’re comfortable with! you’ll only be this age once, it’s your body, love it and celebrate it!!! eventually, you’ll reach an age where you still love your body, but you’ll wish you’d taken more pics. now, as to what you do with said pics: some people like to share them publicly, some with intimate partners, and some like to keep them all for themselves. guess what? all three choices are equally valid. onto your bf… i’m glad you called out his behavior as misogynistic, because it is. i’d honestly be surprised if this was his only problematic view when it comes to women. you’re allowed to do the shoot - but consider being very open with him about it and see his reaction. it’s how couples manage conflict that shows if the relationship is healthy.

this is some ‘boys will be boys’ bullshit. nta. you’re doing something cool, something that you’re very passionate about, and the only thing your boyfriend can think to say in response to that is “if you get unsolicited dick pics, don’t come crying to me.” that is a supremely assholish response (and a misogynistic one at that! he’s basically telling you that he thinks that if a woman dresses in a certain way, she forfeits her right to bodily autonomy.) in your shoes, i would be seriously questioning whether i even wanted to be with this guy, let alone marry him.

127zf73

aita for telling my sister that being a gold digger isn’t a flex?

i (f22) was hanging out with my sister (f23) and about four mutual friends when one of our friends (f24) was complaining to us about how her boyfriend wanted her to split the check on her birthday dinner. we were all trying to comfort her when my sister jumped in and was like “really? i can’t imagine being with a guy who doesn’t pay for every single date. i guess i just have too much self respect.” she kept going on her little tangent and the rest of us kept telling her to chill but she kept ignoring us. the other girl started tearing up again. i was getting sick of her bullshit and i wanted to shut this down, so i told my sister that being a gold digger isn’t the flex she thinks it is and to have some humility. she started screaming at me and got really aggressive because i called her a gold digger and she called me a jealous bitch. she took the car home and left so i had to hitch a ride with another friend. aita?

nta

nta thats not having self respect, its called being too lazy to work yourself

nta after your sister left, what was the consensus with your friends? did they agree with you? not that it matters, but did they think you were too harsh?

127znex

aita my brother walked out on me.

i'm "ron" the older (48) brother, he "bob" is the middle kid (46), and we have a younger sister. bob has been notorious for making plans with myself, my sister, and my parents and canceling at the last minute. this runs the gamut from backing out of dinner plans ro backing out of camping trips, to backing out of family christmas get togethers. this has been going on for 30 plus years. about a month ago i went to bob's house to get coffee, go on a walk, and talk about how much this constant canceling bothers me. being continually calcelled on really hurts my feelings, and makes me wonder why i would even bother making plans with him ever again, as i am so tired of feeling hurt everytime plans are cancelled. he claimed to have heard and understood me. fast forward to a few days ago. we had dinner plans to get together with bob and his wife. these plans were made several weeks ago, well before bob's wife's father announced that he was coming to visit. well, the visitor wins and the brother loses, again, when he was again cancelled on. i requested to meet bob.for lunch today to discuss this latest cancelation. not only did he not see any problem with continuously canceling, but he thought i was out of line for making a big deal out of it. no ownership from him about canceling, no ownership of hurting my feelings. then he walked out. walked out of the restaurant, got into his car, and drove away. this left our lunch discussion totally unresolved and an unfinished, and left me wondering if he had just walked out of my life.. for context we live 8 miles away from each other and see each other likely only 2 times a year. the visiting father-in-law also visits about 2 times a year. bob and i have generally been pretty close, as has our entire family, but this is driving a wedge between us. am i the asshole for being upset about being cancelled on for 30 years, and for being upset about being cancelled on again?

nta

nta. >for context we live 8 miles away from each other and see each other likely only 2 times a year. it's really not worth your trouble to try to maintain this.

nta. he's been taking you for granted all this time. you say you only see each other twice a year although you live so close. are you in contact otherwise (messaging, phone calls)? if not, maybe family doesn't mean so much to bob and your impression of being "pretty close" is not shared by him. you might try one of two directions (i'm assuming the current path is uncomfortable for you): either increase contact, including more casual drop-ins and get togethers (maybe formal plans made weeks in advance are just hard for him?), or go low contact and see if he misses you and reaches out himself.

127zq2b

aita for being the reason that somebody i used to sleep with didn't get a job with my boyfriend?

a few years ago i was casually sleeping with/hanging out with somebody that i had met at the mall i work at, we’ll call him michael. things were okay for a while, but we eventually went our separate ways because we weren't looking for the same things. it wasn’t a big thing, it was very amicable. we even decided to stay “friends” (we would chat when we saw each other at work, every now and then have lunch together, etc.) i met my partner in april of 2021, his name is jeremy. by the time i met jeremy, michael and i weren’t really speaking much but still amicable. about 2 months later though he had made some really nasty comments to me about my ex who had passed, and caused a scene that resulted in me crying in the food court of the mall where we worked so we stopped speaking. this wasn’t the first time he had treated me like this (there was a few similar instances of him treating me like this while we were sleeping together but i stupidly brushed it off because of my feelings). however, when michael reached out to me while struggling with his gender identity and looking for somebody to talk to, i couldn’t help but feel bad and agree to start speaking again and have lunch while at the mall sometimes. jeremy knew about our history and was totally fine with us being friends. that is, until michael started making inappropriate sexual comments to me, both in person and through text, as well as sending me a nude photo once. i had told him to stop with the comments as i was in a relationship, but the nude photo was the final straw before i ended our friendship. jeremy works from home for an it company and asked me a couple of days ago if i knew somebody by that name. i said “yes, that was the guy that treated me like shit in the mall about my ex and was making all those sexual comments to me while we were together, remember?” he said he remembered, and then told me he had interviewed for a job doing the same thing he does, so he would be working on the same team as jeremy. i said “oh, i mean when he worked the job i know him from, from what i know he was great with customers and stuff, he just treated me personally kinda shitty and he made those comments to me and sent me that nude once”. what i didn’t know is that jeremy was still on mic with his coworkers as they were having a meeting about prospective employees and they’d heard everything i said. they immediately decided not to bring him onto the team because they didn’t want a “creep and a shitty person working for them” (jeremy’s team is small and close-knit so they are selective with their staff), but now i feel awful for being the reason he didn’t get the job. jeremy obviously said that i shouldn’t feel bad because michael treated me like shit, but one of my friends said i’m an ah and shouldn’t have just immediately brought that up without knowing the context. aita here?

nta

nta i used to work with someone who was excellent at our job, very intelligent, but an absolute train wreck of a person. irresponsible behavior, late for work every day despite living a ten minute walk from work, drinking, etc. a friend from my previous job in the same field called me because this person applied for a position in their workplace. despite knowing my former co-worker really needed a job (kids), i was honest with my friend and they went with someone else. i don't feel one bit of guilt. things worked out on both sides of the situation.

nta. i do a lot of hiring and i’ll take a good person with no training over the opposite any day of the week. almost any skill can be trained or developed with the right attitude but you can’t train someone into being a decent human. he didn’t lose the job because of you. he lost it because of who he is. this is your permission to not feel bad or let this guy take another second of your brain power.

127zy57

aita for not wanting to attend my bils wedding?

here’s the backstory. my husband, new baby, and i live across the country and his brother is getting married on a major holiday weekend this year which means traveling is extremely expensive and not to mention difficult. my husband and i aren’t overly supportive of this marriage to start out with because the bride to be isn’t always the nicest or pleasant to be around. anyways, my husband and i looked up flights for us and they would be about $3000 usd round trip and have multiple layovers since it’s in a rural part of the country and we don’t have a car. we can’t really afford a rental car either if we are paying that much in flights and layovers do not sound fun with a baby under 12 months old. i told my husband i’d be fine staying back home with the baby but he doesn’t see that as an option as he wants me there and would be sad without me but the money we are putting out for this is giving me severe anxiety. we are trying to pay for our own wedding ceremony (ours was canceled thanks to covid in 2020 and still haven’t done it), rings, and just basic needs for our own family. aita for being resentful and not wanted to attend? i truly do feel bad and will probably end up going but i just don’t want to honestly.

nta

nta. you're looking at saving a lot of money and eliminating a lot of stress that will probably be mostly on you anyway. he's looking at being sad for a few moments.

nta spending 3k, multiple layovers, traveling with a baby - just *reading* about it makes me feel uncomfortable.

128004s

aita for how i reacted to my mom?

my mom is upset at me 16f for not wanting to go somewhere she wants to go. basically my mom tries to take me and my siblings out every friday. today she gave an ultimatum which was top golf or the movies. my siblings and i chose the movies but i’m guessing her boyfriend chose top golf although he’s not going with us. so now she wants to go to top golf, i was basically saying things like “its going to be boring” and “i don’t like golfing”. and she decided to call me boring and how i always ruin things and i’m quite sensitive which she knows, when she noticed i was starting to cry she said that she couldn’t even say anything about me and how emotional and negative i am. so i went in my room which is where i’m writing this. so aita for how i reacted? tldr: my mom is upset with me because i got emotional after she said things about me that i didn’t like.

nta

"omg. you're getting where i can't even insult you anymore!" wth? nta. why bother asking what you want to do if you're just going to do what she or her bf want to do?

nta, golf is boring af

12809nw

aita for needing to move in with my great-grandma?

so i (f17) need to move in with my great grandmother(f70's?). my family has always been close. well mostly. my great grandma and mother(f36) don't get along all that well. their civil because she is our landlord. but we had out house fire a while back and we lost everything (i promise this is important info). and we had to move away from the area i've lived in all my life. well we got the opportunity to move back into our old trailer as the people who moved in after we moved next door as we had needed more space. well now theirs a total of 6 people moved into a 3 bedroom place. one room is my parents room, another is my sisters room and i'm currently staying in a room with my little siblings(toddlers 2 and 4), luckily the eldest of the toddlers has a bed that's large enough for us to share. but the whole plan was for me to move into either a trailer or to build a room onto the trailer with permission from my great grandma. but she had told me privately that she really didn't want to do that and had offered me a room into a trailer set on the land that the old house had burnt down on. it has 3 rooms and is a used trailer. but she had bought it so she could move away from the town nearby. now as i said my mother and my great grandma don't get along. my step father has no issue with me moving and i've mentioned several times throughout the 3 months about moving in with her. my mother apparently didn't know until 2 days ago where my grandma had told her in a comment. and today i got stressed out and we started fighting as me and my mother don't have the best relationship. and she mentioned that she was going to cut me off completely from all of my siblings and herself if i moved in with her. which then i tried to explain that i couldn't stay here. and we kept fighting. this is on going and i need to know, aita for needing to move so i have a room and space to myself? (i have not had a room to myself until i was 13 if it matters and had always shared with my sister (f14).)

nta

well she may try to cut you off but if your dad lets you in the house there is nothing she can do. and your siblings may just wander over to your house. nta sounds like there may be a day where everyone is living at ggma's house but mom.

if your mother is willing to ostracized her own child because she's moving in with her great grandma for more living space, then she's ta. she is bringing her personal relationship with your great grandma into it and is essentially giving you an ultimatum. either move with your grandma and lose all contact with your mom or stay with your mom. you are nta quick question: how is it that your stepfather and great grandmother knew, but your mom didn't?

1280ah9

aita for accusing my friend of bringing up her dead parents to get attention?

i (21f) and my friend, ava (21f), met 5 years ago. our first convo ever we started talking about school then suddenly, out of nowhere she brought up how traumatized she was due to the passing of her parents. i was confused at the delivery of this information, but i was mostly just trying to figure out how to comfort someone who lost their parents so young. that day (and really every day since then) she explained how broken and unlovable she was because her parents died. i did my best to console her, work out what kind of comfort she wanted, but she would always get very unreasonable when she brought them up, unwilling to do anything but talk about how messed up it had her. i found out that she was adopted at 4 by some relatives. her bio parents had been addicted to drugs and chose to give up custody. from then until now she has lived with her relatives, and never got to know either of her bio parents. a few months before the passing of her bio mom when she was 14 she got to go visit her once, it was the only interaction they had had in her memory. when i found all of this out i was a bit shocked that she had managed to leave such a huge piece of the story out every time she had mentioned her dead mom. anytime she had been dramatic, done something insanely stupid, or hurt the people she cared about ava would justify it by explaining how it was a result of all of her trauma, and her miserable life with a family who wasn't really hers. not to mention that whenever someone talked about something rough they were going through she would often bring up in response how bad her life was since she was adopted and her parents were dead, trying to one-up their issue. yesterday, i was talking with a few of our mutual friends. we started laughing about how we all met, when ava came up, someone mentioned that she dropped the massive bomb of her parents being dead, and her being adopted. i spoke up and mentioned she had done the same to me, and my friend liv said the same had happened to her. the more we talked the clearer it became that every time she was struggling with anything, ava came to every single one of us about it, and always starting with that she had "a hard time talking about it" and ending with "whatever, it's fine." eventually i said something to the effect of "so she uses the fact that her parents died to try and hook people into listening to her talk." at the time it kind of felt like i was saying what we were all thinking, but in reflection i realized it was kind of a shitty thing to accuse someone of doing, and that dramatized or not the deaths were still very real. one of the people i had said this in front of told me that it genuinely must have hurt a lot to lose her parents, and that i was being an asshole. it has me thinking if maybe i've twisted this situation up in my head to be more manipulative than it really is, and saying something insensitive. so aita?

nta

what are these comments? yikes. you're nta. based on what you stated, she was adopted at 4 by relatives while her parents were addicted to drugs, and she got to see her bio-mom at 14. now i can empathize with your friend and the loss of her parents, but how much could she have known them? it may have been traumatic to lose her parents to drugs, and your friend may need therapy, but you are not responsible for the situation or when your friend brings it up. if all of your mutual friends know that's how you met, it tells me she's using the death of her parents to seek empathy and consolation. now, it may seem like a shitty thing to say, but you just clarified that every mutual friend knows the story of her parents. honestly, there has to be more between the relationships with her parents and not just a 1 day visit. she needs help from a therapist to understand and get over the trauma received from her parents.

nta. you are not all her therapists, and yes, it does seem manipulative. surely she has more to share in a friendship?

1280ec1

aita for not letting my mom drive my car?

for a little backstory i’m 19 and currently live with my mom. about 3 months ago my car broke down and the repair was worth more than the car so i decided to sell it. so for 3 months, 4 days a week she’s been letting me take her car to work for 10 hours in the morning from 6-4 cause she works night shifts and starts work at 8 so she sleeps while i’m at work. since my car broke down i have been saving for another one and just recently purchased one about a week ago. immediately after purchasing my car my mom started using it for errands without asking. i didn’t think much of it till i realized that she vapes in her car and her car smells like vape juice and she had been vaping in my car. i didn’t want my car to smell like vape juice forever and i didn’t want my car windows to get greasy over time like hers from vaping. i decided to ask my mom to not vape in my car if she drives it cause i’m not comfortable being around it in my own vehicle and i was told that i’m ungrateful because she let me use her car for 3 months and i won’t let her drive mine if she’s going to vape in it. tldr; mom let me drive her car for 3 months while i saved for a car and then once i bought my own car i won’t let her drive mine because she won’t stop vaping in mine when she takes it out.

nta

nta. you’re allowed to set rules and boundaries for your personal items. and even then, you didn’t say “you can’t use my car,” you just asked her not to vape in it. just because she’s okay with vaping in her own car doesn’t mean you need to be okay with it. boundaries do not equal a lack of gratitude.

nta but you better hope that car has no issues because she probably won’t let you use hers. smoking/vaping should be done outside, not in cars. nta

1280j21

aita for not getting a roommate

so i (21m) am studying abroad and not living with my parents, i live in a country where living expenses are very expensive and there is a very low availability of house for students. so my family is fortunate enough to afford paying my rent for a 3,5 bedroom where there is a guest room when my parents come to see me, my bedroom, a living room and my office. now i invited some friends over the other day and when they saw my house they told me that isn’t a house where i should live alone and i should get a roommate because some poeple doesn't find housing. well first my parents are agaisnt the idea of getting a roommate which i am too, i don't like living with poeple, am i really the ah for not getting a roommate because i really start thinking like i am. p.s: the people who told me this critics are as priviliged as me, they don't have jobs and get their expenses (rent included) paid by their parents.

nta

nta. i'm not sure it would even be your decision to begin with if your parents are the ones who are paying for it. and even if it was solely your call to make, you wouldn't be the asshole for saying no. very few people want to live with a roommate. people don't fine roommates because they want them, they find roommates because they need to. anyone in your position would not be too keen on the idea. and you sound like you are a very humble human being based on how you described your situation and acknowledging you do enjoy some privilege not a lot of people have. don't let your friends who seem to lack humility dictate who you are deep down.

nta. your parents are paying for it. that makes it their house. they don't want you to have a roommate, because they want a place to stay whenever they feel like visiting. but regardless, unless your friends are paying for it, your housing arrangements are really none of their business.

1281a82

aita for keeping a figurine on my desk?

i (32f) teach middle school. i have a variety of personal knickknacks on my desk. one of which is a little clay figure of kenny from south park a friend made for me. it's probably an inch tall, and as my desk is in the corner of the room it, nor any of my personal belongings are distracting to the students. it isn't graphic, depicting him being killed, literally just a little kenny. i'm sure a lot of you will question why i had this at work. i think it's cute and wanted to make my workspace my own. plenty of other teachers have personal desk items so i didn't think it was inappropriate to have a small item from a favorite show. i had a meeting with a parent this week. they noticed the kenny figure on my desk and asked why i had it. i said that i think it's cute and i keep a lot of items on my desk. they complained to my boss, who has never had an issue with it before now - and yes, my boss has seen it and has never had an issue. she said that since a parent complained i should take it home. i'm going to be honest and say that i think this is silly. i did take it home but i am still a bit miffed about it. i understand that south park is not a school-appropriate tv show (which is saying the least) but plenty of other teachers have knickknacks of other adult tv shows on their desks - mostly the office, which sure, is not adult in the same way south park is, but still. i need outside input. was i out of line with this? aita?

nta

oh my god, they killed kenny! nta

nta. i used to work in education and the way schools cower and cater to even the most unreasonable parent complaints is tiring.

1281ety

aita for insulting my stepmother’s gift and not using it for a few months?

so last christmas my stepmother gave me a comforter. i have a bad habit of running my mouth without thinking sometimes. later in the day i noticed some threads sticking out in a weird way and because i knew the comforter was quite expensive i mentioned it and said it shouldn’t be having quality issues like that for the price it was. i didn’t intend on insulting the gift & made sure to tell her i appreciated it but i regretted saying it because she seemed annoyed. i also have bad allergies and adhd for reference, and can’t drive. so i kept the comforter in our guest room at first because i needed to take it to the dry cleaner to be cleaned before using it (stores use chemicals that give me allergies and it is not machine washable). however i spaced/procrastinated on getting that done for a couple months because i’d have to walk to the dry cleaners in the winter with it. a couple months later i was moving out of my dad’s house and went looking for the comforter (figured it got put away in some closet) and couldn’t find it. my dad told me my stepmother returned it as i hadn’t used it which i was disappointed by. later on when i asked my stepmother about it she told me she actually had kept it and was using it for the guest room and didn’t want me to take it, and had told my dad to say it was returned. i thought this was kind of weird because it was a gift? i had intended to use it but it just takes me a while to get to things for said above reasons. but i can see how she might have been offended by my apparent lack of interest and taken it back because of that i guess. so aita?

yta

yta. you need to curb your "bad habit" of running your mouth. if someone gives you a gift that you intend to use, you should thank them for it. if you can't use the gift straightaway for certain reasons and you're keeping it in a spot where the gift giver can see you're not using it, then tell them what's going on. for example "step mom, i need to take the comforter you have me to the dry cleaners before i can use it, because otherwise it will trigger my allergies. if you are going past there and can drop it off i'm happy to pay for it, otherwise if you could remind me that would also be appreciated".

yeah, yta in this instance, immediately criticizing her gift, then not making an effort to use it in some way, i can totally see how she got the idea you really didn't like it.

1281is9

aita for not taking back my invitation

aita im a co parent to 2 amazing children with my ex wife. we were married for 7 years and have been divorced now 8 years my daughter lives with me full time while she goes to school and my son whos homeschooled splits time between both households but this year has spent a majority of time at his mothers. we live in different states, so there is a lot of airfare for the kids which does add up finacially. my daughter a freshman in high school recently made it to the state tournament/championships for 3 different events in choir/music. she of course is over joyed and wants her mother to come watch her perform and support her. her mother is concerned about the financial burden of missing work and flying out for 72hrs so in an attempt to lessen that burden i offered her a place to stay at my home(i have a guest bedroom) she has yet to commit to fly out or take me up on my offer of a place to stay but my gf wants me to take back my offer to let her stay with me. she says it makes her uncomfortable the "relationship" we have and she wants me to not allow her to stay with me(if she even decides to come out). i asked my gf to come stay with me during that time(she refused) and i even offered to go stay with her while my ex was at my house(she also refused) she only wants me to take back my invitation. she(my gf) is claiming im choosing my ex wife over her, claims its humiliating and that im gas lighting her to think me and my exs relationship is normal. am i the a**hole for refusing to take back my invitation

nta

nta. your girlfriend needs to stay out of your coparenting.

nta. your ex is and always will be the mother of your children. and they are lucky that you two have an amicable relationship. you are setting a good example for them as well (divorce doesn't have to mean hate). your gf on the other hand sounds like a child. how old is she? talk with her and tell her, how your kids will always come first. and you are not "choosing your ex" you are choosing your daughter and what is best for her! and if your gf cannot accept that please let her go. she sounds jealous and will put a strain on your relationship with your family (and yes, ex is included because she will always be family as the mother of your children).

1282ffo

aita for refusing to learn how to drive?

i [16m] have chronic insomnia— struggling to fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night when i do, getting maybe 3-4 hours a night on average with the rare good night. i have gone to sleep specialists for this, have been for a couple years, and nothing has really helped long term. my parents want me to start learning how to drive, but scientifically, sleep deprivation can impact driving the same way drinking can. so i genuinely don’t think it’s a good idea. however, my parents think i need to learn how to drive so i don’t have to have them drive me everywhere. i told them that if it becomes inconvenient, i’m not demanding they drive me places, but as long as i’m chronically insomniac, i don’t trust myself to drive, for my safety and that of others. my parents think this makes me ta, and think this is an excuse for laziness. i don’t think so, the science backs me up here that it’s simply dangerous. aita?

nta

nta - sleep deprivation is a bigger cause of deadly accidents than drinking. i can understand your parents' frustration with not wanting to drive you everywhere, but that doesn't justify them jeopardizing your safety and other's safety by shoving facts aside for their convenience, much less bullying you about it. i hope you get your sleep situation sorted out, it can be a real handicap. in the meantime, maybe take up biking?

nta. what happens if you fall asleep at the wheel and crash? you could hit something and die or you could hit another person and kill them—or you could both die! or what if you doze off a bit and crash? you could still get hurt or hurt another person. so no op, nta.

1282jxh

aita for my behavior as a houseguest

my dearest friend from college is from spain, and lives in a twin outside of barcelona. my husband is a writer, and we are able to travel freely (he can work from anywhere). my friend invited us to stay with her for a month (she lives with her husband and two daughters, 17 and 20) for a change of scenery, and we took her up on it. we have been here with them for two weeks. things are going fine, but something has started to bug me - her daughters (both very beautiful) basically walk around wearing very little clothing. they are often just in underwear and a tank top in the evenings, and when they use their pool or sunbathe they are often naked. it’s all fine, no judgment, but it’s very different behavior than my husband and i are used to. it’s making me more and more uncomfortable. my husband is not leering at them, there are no issues there, but he admitted that he notices them from time to time, anybody would. i mentioned my feelings to my friend. she said she was sorry i felt uncomfortable, but it’s important that her daughters feel comfortable and free in their own home. (she asked if my husband was uncomfortable with it, and i was honest, saying he is not.) i asked if we could come up with some kind of compromise, and she said a simple no. she said if it’s really an issue for me, maybe staying here wasn’t a great idea. aita? is it not ok to expect to see constant skin as a houseguest?

yta

yta. "it's all fine, no judgement" - except you're clearly judging.

yta. i'm going to guess that you're from the us. europeans have very different views on sexuality and nudity than you're probably used to, and your host is right - her daughters live there, and that's how they dress and act all the time, not just for your benefit. if it really makes you uncomfortable, then move into a hotel, but don't tell your hosts how to act in their own home.

1282l9c

aita for kicking my sister out of the car and making her walk home in the freezing cold

i (21m) have a sister (17f) who usually gets a ride home from school. this ride home from school is given by one of my parents about 99% of the time (they're both older and pretty much retired so they have the free time). i'm in university currently doing my last year of a pretty heavy science degree. i live at home because my uni is fairly close. my sister thinks that because i live at home and dont have a job this means that i have no responsibilites and infinite free time. this truly isnt the case but i never saw a point in arguing it so i didnt bother to contest when she makes her little comments at me (your lazy etc). last week she wanted a ride home from school from me. at first she texted me "heyyyyyy op can i pleaseeeee get a ride home from school". she texted me this with around 2 hours before school would be let out so i told her that i wasnt sure because i was at the library but that i would think about it. around an hour later she texted me again "i really dont see why you cant give me a ride its not like you have any real obligations" i responded with basiclaly the same thing saying, "im not sure if i can". finally about a half hour before school let out she said "op its literally freezing out dont be an ass and drive me home". i caved and left the library to drive her home on the ride home i commented that the weather was actually pretty nice (about ten degrees celcius with a bit of a drizzle). its clear she took this as an insult or something because she responded with "oh my god your so fucking lazy, you dont even have a job stop fucking complaining and just drive". something about this particular comment set me off. so i pulled over and told her to get out. i didnt yell but when she protested i said "get the fuck out before i flip my shit". she walked home and when she got home she was bawling her eyes out. later that night my mom got mad at me, however i responded by saying that its literally a 5 minute drive and a 15 minute walk, its not like i made her run a marathon or anything. so reddit aita? premature

nta

nta. i'll probably get down voted but oh well. my sister is like this too. she only talks to me when she wants something and can be a huge jerk pretty much always. it's not like you left her in the middle of nowhere at night. she's 17 and can walk 15 minutes through some neighborhoods. school is a lot of work. it's awesome you are able to live at home and focus on it. my degree is in a science related field and those lest few semesters are intense. keep up the hard work and don't let her or anyone else get to you.

nta what does one expect when they mock the person generously giving them a ride? your sister is 17. she can exert some self-control and treat others with kindness. perhaps walking home everyday would give her a little time to reconsider her priorities.

1282pwh

aita for not going to my daughters wedding?

the wedding was on march 25, which coincides with my other daughters birthday. she was born march 25, 2022. she was barely 3 months when she passed away. my wife (not my eldest daughters mother) has been wanting to celebrate our daughter’s life on the date of her birth. i also didn’t feel it appropriate to leave my wife on this day since she is still grieving (as am i) and we haven’t fully come to terms with things. when my eldest daughter was planning her wedding, i told her i’m doubtful i’d be there if she chose this date. i understand march 25 is significant to her relationship and that’s why she chose it, but it just wasn’t feasible for me. i was not even in a good place mentally on that day. it was a day of tears. obviously there is a lot of guilt about missing my eldest daughters special day, but i honestly don’t know if what i did was wrong. her side of the family has been sending me a lot of scathing messages, particularly her mother. aita?

nta

i want to say n a h since i don't know the significance of the date to your eldest and you don't seem to begrudge her choice so i won't on your behalf, but it seems rather callous she choose this day. grieve how you need to grieve and i am so sorry for your loss after chatting with op and simmering on this i'm changing to nta i had followed op's lead which is exceptionally cool, but the more i think on it the madder i get at the older girl. how dare she

nta you have a valid reason and clearly communicated it in proper time. you did everything you have in your power.

12833yr

aita for sharing my netflix account with my brother and not telling my wife?

throwaway and on mobile. i (50m) have been married to my wife (48f) for close to 27 years and we have no children by choice. while she does have a job, i am the main breadwinner. because we have been married since our early 20s, all of our finances are combined and this does not normally cause any issues. about 2 years ago, i gave my netflix password to my brother (45m) to use. he had been watching shows on my profile, but because of the shows he watched, it began messing up the items i had in my queue. i mentioned he could make his own profile and have his own queue, which he did. when my wife discovered there were 3 netflix profiles (mine, hers and my brother), my wife got very mad that i had given him the login information and it resulted in a fight. she thinks he should be able to afford his own netflix account and not use ours (even though it can be argued, it comes out of the money i contribute to the household). while my wife does not have a problem with my brother, it is no secret she does not like my sil, which is where i think the anger is coming from. however, while i cannot confirm this, based on the shows that were watched, i dont think my sil or the rest of his family even uses the account. finally, what i have not brought up and my wife doesnt realize is the amount of money over the years that we have spent supporting her family in her home country. i am happy to do this because i have a wonderful job that allows us to live comfortably while still helping her parents and siblings. sharing the netflix information is not costing me any extra money either. aita for not telling my wife i let my brother use the netflix account?

nta

nta tell her to get over it; you support her family, this is your way of supporting yours, and it costs you nothing.

nta it doesn’t sound like you were keeping it from her. it was so inconsequential that telling her didn’t matter. i think it’s a really weird thing for her to get upset about.

1283e2v

aita for overreacting at a situation where a boy made me uncomfortable?

i (16 f) recently went on a school trip. a classmate (17 m) of mine, which i will call gabe for sake of anonymity, though he is someone a lot of people dislike, he still hangs out with me like we are friends. for context: i’ve been classmates with gabe since 7th grade. a reoccurring issue was that he would blatantly stare at my chest to the point where other people would point it out to me. i never told anyone, though that’s on me. during the trip he sat next to me on the bus that we would take multiple times a day. since i sat first, i got the window seat. later, he sat next to me on the aisle seat.this caused me to have to pass over him to get to my seat, something that made me extremely uncomfortable. when i told him to please stand up when i get there to avoid basically pressing on him, he looked annoyed but agreed. later when getting back on the bus he was sitting on my seat. he said it’s so i don’t have to pass over him. i told him that i didnt tell him to change seats, i told him to stand up for a second just so i can pass. on the next drive he did stand up, but started to complain about it. he defended himself by saying if he doesn’t want to stand up he doesn't have to and that i should deal with being uncomfortable because he’s tired of making compromises. that frustrated me, and i was close to tears. i told him if it bothers him that badly to simply sit somewhere else. he then made a comment about my chest, which was the last straw for me and i told the teachers. the first one (m) didn’t really believe me at first because of who gabe was. but the other one (f) did. they told me they were gonna talk to him but hadn’t. so when another incident occurred i told him i had to talk to him. in the talk i said that basically everyone in the friend group thinks he’s creepy asf and that what he was doing was completely wrong. and that standing up is something so simple and just the “gentleman” thing to do.all he was worried about was that me telling the teachers will ruin his reputation with them as a good “student”. told the teachers again and they still hadn’t talked to him because they wanted to see with their own eyes if anything else happened. at the end of the trip his sister approached me to talk. in the end she excused it by saying that gabe likes men (he’s bi not gay) so he’s not sexualizing me and that basically i blew it out of proportion as i had “no need” to tell the teachers. later a teacher (f) talked me and insinuated that since he hasn’t done anything again, they wouldn’t be talking to him. but that if anything happens i should tell her. now i cannot help but think that maybe i truly did blow it out of proportion and that i didn’t need to take it that far with telling the teachers. the fact they didn’t do anything further confirms my suspicions that i shouldn’t have said anything and just have sucked it up. aita for causing issues over seemingly nothing ?

nta

nta your feelings are valid, no matter who tries to talk you out of them. trust your gut and avoid this guy. you don't have to be "friends" with him or anyone who makes you uncomfortable.

nta minor sexualisation and assaults can be like a 1000 papercuts. you haven't blown it out of proportion and i'd go no contact with him as soon as possible. someone who can't compromise for a minor inconvenience isn't a friend. also, the sister's excuse that he's gay so can't be sexualising you is undermining your experience.

1283okq

aita for “refusing” to go to the gas station

my house is a 2 minute walk from a gas station and i’m always the one to go to get a 12 pack of soda for 2 years now. i asked just this once if my parents could get one of my siblings to go and they said no i asked why and they yelled at me that they didn’t have to explain themselves to me i said ok i’ll go and they said no forget it. and now they ordered it and had to buy it for twice as much and are blaming me for it. they even say i can’t have one. (i’m a minor)

nta

you're asked to do a chore for the first time you ask if someone else can do this one today they say no you say ok i'll do it they say no they place their order (and before clicking "confirm" are fully aware of the added cost) now they're mad at you for the extra cost and are punishing you nta your request was reasonable and you were willing to go when declined.. they made their choices and are ah for punishing you for it

nta, you're simply tired of being the sole person to get it. they're acting childish in how they reacted to your valid question.

1283v6p

aita for calling by best friend a "lousy friend" and not attending her going away parties?

i \[29m\] have/had a very close friend \[32f\] that i work with. she's leaving the job this weekend. she is very bad with stress (like saying mean and untrue things whenever she's slightly inconvenienced), and due to some personal issues has been dealing with a lot of it. over the past few weeks she's been arguing with me in front of another coworker, and telling me things like how i'm "rude" and "shouldn't interrupt." making these arguments public. she's also ridiculed me in front of him, and teased me, which leads to him insulting me since he feels comfortable doing so. i told her many times to stop encouraging him and to not make involve others in our personal disagreements. she told me she would, but continues to do so. she's told me recently that this discussion of my feelings as well as our other conversations made her extra "stressed," so i thought i would leave her alone. i've done this all this week. yesterday she did the same thing. she described our argument and mocked me in front of the coworker and i, even though he didn't witness it or hear it. like, no reason for him to know anything. i asked her why she did this, and she told me it was because i've been ignoring her this week and being "rude" in doing so. i told her she's a lousy friend. later, i was told there was a going away party in the evening, which i wasn't invited to. the coworker told me she "thought she invited me," which i didn't believe. i already made plans, so i didn't go. same thing for lunch today; i said i had plans and suggested she and the coworker get lunch instead. she hated this. now she says i insult her and avoid her as "punishment" for offenses, and should've put all my feelings aside this week since she's so stressed. i value our relationship, but haven't felt very respected or that this friendship has been anything other than take-take on her part recently. am i ta?

nta

nta: this person doesn’t sound like a friend.

nta. just because she’s “stressed” doesn’t mean she gets to treat you badly. she demands you put your feelings aside — in other words, be a doormat and let her walk all over you — because she claims to be having a hard time. her behavior is obnoxious, and she’s clearly self-centered. in other words, a lousy friend, like you said. since she’s leaving the job soon, i would just continue to ignore her until she’s gone. if she tries to reach out after that, just tell her you don’t consider her a friend anymore, because she doesn’t act like one, and you don’t need someone like her in your life. then block her on everything and make some new friends.

1283zct

wibta for missing friend’s bacherlotte & wedding?

my friend is getting married in august and her bacherlotte is in may. for context, my friend and i met in high school and we were never overly close. she graduated before i did and i moved cities for university so we gradually lost touch of our friendship, but had sporadic catch-ups on facetime from time to time. out of our old friend group, i am the only one invited to the bacherlotte and wedding. my friend has expressed how excited she is for me to come to the bacherlotte and invited me to her house for the “after-party”. she even called me as soon as she confirmed the date of her wedding so i would “save the date”. for me, friend is a very loose term but not for her. my cousin, who is my lifelong best friend, lives abroad and her birthday is in august and i have decided to go over and visit her for 10 days and the wedding is on within those dates so i am unable to go. the cost of this 10 day holiday equates to almost the same as being a guest at a one day wedding. while i know of people going to the bacherlotte as we live in a small town, they are not people i would socialise with or see myself having a full day and night out with. to be polite about it, we have very different mannerisms. the bacherlotte is also $120 for two activities, a meal, and nightclub entry (which some many say is cheap, but i have a holiday booked in june and i don’t have a lot of spare income at the moment to just splurge). the thing is, a lot of people invited also don’t have the money to splurge and a lot of my friends immediate family and friends can’t go because of the price tag attached. it’s a joint bacherlotte with her future wife, and her future wives family are very excited to go! her sister who is planning the bacherlotte is naturally very stressed and sent a message into the groupchat about how we are going to be letting my friend down by not showing up as a lot have dropped out. i read this and immediately felt guilty and as though my only option is to go to the bacherlotte. my friend doesn’t have many friends but the ones she has seem to not be able to make it. my reasons for not wanting to go is the people but also the price tag. wibta for missing both the bacherlotte and wedding?

nta

nta. your friend’s sister planned a bachelorette that many of her friends and family agree is too expensive. you’re not obligated to go broke just because other invitees, who are actually closer to your friend, already said “no.” if enough people admit to the sister that they’re declining due to cost, maybe she’ll wise up and revise the plan to something more reasonable. but even then, you’re still not obligated to go. your only real “obligation” is to tell your friend and her fiancée how happy you are for them. maybe you and a few other friends who can’t/won’t attend the bachelorette could have the engaged couple over for brunch.

nta if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. end of.

12842r2

aita for sticking my nose in another couple's business?

i've got a buddy, let's call them frank, who has been married for a few years but dating his wife for over a decade. my significant other and i are close friends with frank and his wife, and we hang out as a group a few times a month. frank and i hang out more frequently than that, often times a boys night or a round of golf. frank and i went out to a bar one night, and as the night was winding down, i decided to grab an uber and assumed frank would walk home since we were at a bar a couple blocks from his place. i got a call/text from frank's wife, as did my significant other, around 4 am asking whether or not i was still with him. i replied that i was not, and that i had been home since about 12:30 am. frank arrives home to his house the next morning around 7 and explains his absence the night before as having "blacked out, woken up in an apartment building's hallway, and that one of his feet was severely injured". now, since i wasn't born yesterday, i really didn't buy this story and his wife seems to agree that it's fishy. fast forward about a month, frank, myself, and 14 other dudes are on a golf trip quite a ways from home. one of the nights we're there, some information comes out that frank had a fling with a service industry worker from one of the local bars in the area the year before. that same girl ends up getting invited to our dudes night out and spends the rest of the night bar hopping with us, ending with her coming back to our airbnb and hanging with the boys until about 4 am. she ends up sleeping in frank's bed, but went up to his room after he had gone to sleep. frank claims nothing happened, and i absolutely do not believe that. another woman slept in his bed so whether or not sex was involved it’s still a breach of trust in my opinion. i reached out to frank a couple days after the trip and urged him to talk to his wife. i didn’t threaten to tell her or anything like that, i just said that he should have enough respect for her to come clean. he says he absolutely isn’t going to tell her and i leave it alone. he texts me back about 30 min after our convo saying that he told his wife everything. i didn’t really believe this because that kind of convo seems like it would take longer than 30 min. a couple days later, my significant other reached out to the wife to see how she’s doing. frank’s wife is confused by this, bc apparently frank did not tell her and goes through his phone. she sees the text to me and the whole thing now comes to the light including him admitting to cheating multiple other times. now, frank, his wife, and a portion of our friend group have completely severed contact with me and my s/o including going as far as blocking us on social media. this has made me and my s/o feel pretty shitty and like we may have been in the wrong. aita for sticking my nose in another couple’s business?

nta

so you discovered frank's shitty behavior, and told him he should tell his wife. he told you to mind your own business, which i think you decided to do. then he lied and told you he did tell her, so your so, out of friendship, reached out to see if she's okay. she's confused because frank did not tell her, and so she goes through his phone and discovers he's a cheater. as far as i can tell, nta because while you did urge to reveal the info, you left it alone when he said back off. but then he lied and said the cat was out of the bag, and so your so wants to support his wife and make sure she's okay. the fact is, if frank hadn't lied to you, his wife would not have learned anything from you. frank played stupid games and won stupid prizes.

>aita for sticking my nose in another couple’s business? you didn't. **frank rubbed your nose in his business** by inviting his side piece to a "dudes night out", and apparently expected you-all to cover for him. then when you told him that you wouldn't, and he should man up and tell the wife...he lied and said that he had. honestly op, wash your hands and good riddance to frank the weasel -- and anyone who gives you shade for not covering up for him. nta

12843g7

aita for telling my wife that i don’t want her 10-year-old cousin to sleep with us?

my wife’s family is very close and tight-knit. for context, we live with her parents to save money and finish school. her younger cousins sleep over often and her 10-year-old cousin sleeps with us most of the time. the first time it happened i didn’t think much of it, but when it started happening consistently, i expressed to her that i’d like to have some boundaries and respect “our space” (the bedroom). she got upset and said that if she’s comfortable with it then there is no issue.

nta

`she got upset and said that if she’s comfortable with it then there is no issue.` wrong. \*you\* are not comfortable with it, so there's an issue. nta.

nta to be honest, i don't think i would be happy if my child shared a bed with a married couple. if it were just your wife, i might be fine, but would feel odd about about. i would prefer my child to be on a mattress on the floor somewhere other than in the same bed.

1284npp

aita for embarrassing my husband in front of his friends?

i (26 f) am married to k (25 m) , i met him a few year back when my best friend and his best friend started dating, after that our friend groups kind of joined together. so all of my husband’s friends are also my friends and all my friends are his friends. i’ve know my best friend (a) for 15 years, we’ve always been extremely close and lived together at one point, she’s literally part of my family, she comes to all of my family events, my siblings refer to her as their sister and she just been extremely involved in my life for years. now, me and my husband have a 6 month old daughter. my dad is extremely wealthy so he helps us out financially until my daughter is old enough to go to school, then i will take a job at his company that pays well. my husband has a job that he works from 7am - 4 pm and then afterwards him and his friends often hangout at my house or at one of their house’s. here’s the problem, my husband’s best friend cheated on my best friend a few weeks ago, she’s completely heartbroken and since they lived together my husband and i agreed that it’s okay that she stays with us until they work things out. she’s not really up to seeing him just yet. a is a huge help with the baby, she’s so good with her and the baby loves her. when my husband and his friends get home they normally talk until 8 pm ish so he doesn’t help with the baby too much when he gets home, which i don’t mind it’s just nice to have a little help. yesterday night my husband opened the front door , peaked his head in, looked right at me and a , rolled his eyes and walked out. him and his friends came in a few moments later and were all being cold and rude to a all evening. after an hour or two my husband walks right up to me and a and says “does she always have to be here? i want to bring (friends name) here tonight.” and rolled his eyes, i responded “if i want to bring my best friend into the house my dad paid for, i can, and if i choose to have somebody help me with the baby that you’re not looking after, it’s going to be her.” his friends just sat there silently and he just walked away and sat back down . he’s giving me the silent treatment and a left and is staying with her mom as she feels uncomfortable being in the house now. so aita?

nta

nta. it's kinda sad that you expect and get so little from your husband.

nta, i don't understand how he wants to bring his friend around considering what he did to your best friend and knowing how important she is to you. also the audacity of him to say that about her when she's literally helping to look after his child

1284q84

aita from eating a cookie

story is just as stupid as the title. so my sister (25) bough cookies home last night. they were $5 for a 8 pack. well she didn't say that they weren't for everyone amd since she frequently goes grocery shopping for my mom i thought they were for everyone so i ate one today. she goes and asks my little sister (14) if she had them, she says no so my sister comes in my room while i'm trying to sleep (the box for the cookies were in my trash can because there was one left and i'm not dirtying a dish if i don't have to. well she sees it amd takes it out of the trash and throws at me which woke me up. she tells me that she wants me to pay for the whole box because her kid is sad she didn't get the last cookie. i said that i'd pay for the single cookie i took she refused. so she goes and says she's not leaving my room until i give her $5 so i call my mom and my mom tells her to get out of my room. she ends up saying that she'll wait until i go to school on monday (i'm 16 so still in hs) so she can steal my stuff to pay for the box (she's done this before when i didn't know that the ice cream in the freezer was hers and she stole my $100 hair straighter that i had to break into her room to get back) i tell her to get out again and she does. but not before she goes and kicks my cats food bowl and threatens to dump her litter box out. and earlier today she was also complaining about my other older sister (21) getting mad at her for eating a donut that she bought and she thought they were for everyone. so i called her a hypocrite so reddit aita for eating a cookie?

nta

nta your sister needs therapy jesus christ what a nightmare

nta. honestly terrifying that someone who gets so worked up over a $1 cookie is raising a child

1284sqm

aita for yelling at my roommate to stop touching my stuff.

my roommate (about to be 27 f) and me (20f) have been living together for almost 6 months now. i’ve been getting really frustrated recently, because everything in the apartment is constantly getting moved around, and its annoying to constantly look for my things, including my server book, my work shoes, and my ipad to finish projects. basically everything important to me rn to make money. come to find out, it’s because my roommate is constantly touching my stuff and moving it around to clean. to which i understand, but usually people move stuff back to their normal spots, if it isn’t their own stuff. so, i tried talking to her about it, but like any sit-down convo with her, she thinks i’m personally attacking her. ive tried multiple ways to talk to her about it and it just comes out to the same conclusion. in her words, “ you’re the child and you need to shut the fuck up”. when she said that, i lost it. i told her, “ at least i’m not touching other people shit and then blaming it on other people!”, which made her upset and cry to our neighbors, who are now telling me to apologize. i will apologize, if it means a better friendship in the end. but guys, i’ve genuinely tried every single way possible. aita? quick

nta

your nta for feeling your things should not be touched. if she is dusting how hard is it to pick an item up and dust the spot, and then sit said item back down. if it’s due to an item sitting in a needed area, say the table, and she wants to sit down and eat at the table… can see moving said stuff. is there a certain area she is obsessed with cleaning (again like the table)? if there is just be the bigger person and keep your stuff somewhere else. shoes? seems odd if you keep them by the door, or do you take them off somewhere someone can trip over them? personally things of value like your ipad and server i’d be keeping them in your room… i’m the kind to not trust anyone to not take my stuff so i keep things like that where hands can’t grab them. i have teens in and out of my place so that’s just me. her comment about being the kid was flat out shitty so i’d say kiss my a$$ on the apology part. tell the neighbors they’re welcome to live with her for a month and see what they think. but again, nta!

nta. i hope you didn’t sign any kind of lease so you can move out of that mess asap.

128509j

aita for joking with my sister in front of her girlfriend?

using a throwaway because my sister has reddit. this turned out to be much more serious than it should have been in my opinion. i'm wondering what the internet thinks. so here it goes. i (32m) have a younger sister (29f) victoria. as her older brother, i've always had a close relationship with her and i tease her quite a bit about a lot of things. she usually likes it and laughs along with everybody else. victoria has been a playgirl since she was a teen. she has't really changed this pattern of her through the years. not even after getting a high-end job that requires orofessionalism at its best. she's still the playgirl. and i tease her about this at family gatherings. she embraces that side of her and it's completely okay. she has even mentioned a few times that this is much better than our parents pressuring her to settle down. last week, my mom invited victoria and i over for my dad's birthday, along with my wife and son. i was surprised to see that victoria had a girl with her. she introduced rose (24f) as her date. i'm totally okay with vic being bi. during the celebration, i cracked a few jokes about victoria being a playgirl 'back in the day'. jokes were harmless, mostly like 'oh come on half of your high school class were your ex', or 'were any of my friends not your boyfriend at some point' and similar stuff. it was mostly received well and everyone laughed, even vic. we were all having a very good time. i went to the kitchen to get my son something and vic followed me. she told me i needed to shut up, that she was hardly controlling her temper and that i was ruining the night. i was like does rose think she's your first? and she got mad she said what she talked about with rose was pvriate but that i needed to stop making these comments right now. even rose laughed and was having a good time so i don't really understand. i told vic i wouldn't do it anymore but she said the damage was done. i mean everyone really likes vic, she's a natural charmer. and she's not gonna change overnight. so was what i did over the limit?

yta

yta - so, you're making fun of your sister's sex life... in front of her date... at your dad's birthday party? cool, cool.

you were not cracking a few jokes. you were insulting, shaming, and trying to embarrass her in front of her new relationship and while surrounded by family and friends. have you never heard of nervous laughter? it's was she does when you keep bullying her and she doesn't want to cause a scene. your jokes were not 'harmless'. they were clumsy attempts to slut shame. your last sentence about everyone liking her and she is a natural charmer? are you jealous? because that is the only reason i can come up with for your constant put-downs in front of family. how did she get a great professional job if she's so unprofessional? yta op

12853ug

aita who does not want to help pay for her cousin's bridal shower?

my cousin (35f) is getting married in nigeria pretty soon. i (38f) came to america to live with her family when i was 6; needless to say, her parents were abusive. my cousin and i were never close and were mean to each other; she would call me "immigrant" and taunt me by saying, "e.t. phone home" because i had to call my family back in nigeria. we constantly fought while i was living with her family. for my wedding and as a guest, she was late for the wedding and left relatively early during the reception. no gifts. no card. nothing. i did not care, even though my husband commented years later. i do not get happy birthday texts from her, but i get spammed with text messages reminding me that hers is coming soon. she cannot have the wedding in the us because her fiance does not have the paperwork, so we all have to go to nigeria for her wedding... and the price is not pocket-friendly. there is a clothing requirement, so the family has to buy the fabric she selected and find a seamstress/tailor to make our clothes for us (nigerian custom)...also not pocket-friendly. she expected my siblings to figure out how to pay for the fabric even though they do not have the means. my sister ultimately said she would not go if they were forced to buy the fabric because they had more pressing things to spend the money on. i paid for it anyway, even though my sister told me not to. my sister wanted to bring a plus one, but my cousin said they would need to pay to get it (buy the fabric). she wants the family to have the same fabric. i got a text early this week that she is having a bridal shower at the end of the month, and i was invited, but unfortunately, i cannot go. this morning, i received a text from one of the bridesmaids saying she had permission from my cousin to ask several other people out of those invited to the bridal shower "how we would be supporting the shower regarding the budget." i was immediately annoyed. am i the a-hole who is ready to send the text that i do not want to be part of the bridal shower planning committee?

nta

nta, and i would not feel at all badly about not attending that wedding. your cousin sounds terrible.

nope. you could spend $100,000 and this chick will never be warm, loving or appreciative. ignore the texts or block them. if someone asks you about it in person keep repeating "that won't be possible" and don't go to this wedding. you bought the cloth- that's a lovely repayment for her family hosting you as a child and more than she personally ever did for you. nta

1285tiy

aita for being “nonchalant” about my mom’s passing to my mother’s side of the family?

i’m 24(f) my mom passed 4 days after giving birth to me and my twin brother. we were raised by our dad who gave us the best life. we grew up with our mothers side of the family as well. who never let us forget our mother and always was there if we had questions about her. every year on the passing of her death our whole mothers side including my brother and i would go to her grave 3 days before our birthday. of course, i would go every single year. i use to cry about it when i was younger because i wanted a mom, but as i got older i cried less and less just naturally moved on about my life it was hard for my brother because he always wanted a mom he was depressed a lot and i was there for him but we didn’t share the same feelings because in my eyes at least i had 1 parent. fast forward now our birthday is coming up in may and my friends and i booked a trip to jamaica and the days lined up with the date my mother passed on. i was fine with it because i thought “what’s one year to miss?” my mothers side unfortunately wasn’t okay with it and blew the whole situation out of proportion in my opinion. my aunt and grandma were basically verbally attacking me saying “i don’t care about her” & “she’s probably turning over in her grave listening to this” and “she would probably be ashamed to have a daughter like me” what got me was “how could you not care about your own mom as much love that she had for you” i blew up. i remember exactly what i said word from word crying and screaming at them. i was saying “you don’t think i care about her i always wanted a mom.. every single time when i was little seeing a mother and her daughter our shopping i cried. not having a mother to teach me about a period, doing my hair, talking about boys. i literally wanted all of that. but at the same time your feelings about her are different from mom’s you guys both knew my mom y’all watched her grow watched her do everything have endless memories with her i can’t grieve nobody i never knew.” i broke down and just walked out the house and left after that. since then both my aunt and grandma told me i was disrespectful and it’s still rude for me not to come completely disregarding my feelings and everything i said. the only people that understands me is my twin, dad and grandfather. aita? p.s.. i’m still going on my trip.

nta

nta. you never knew her. you only knew what you were told. as you said, it's so hard to grieve someone you never knew. you'll always appreciate your mom for giving you and your brother life, for being a loving sister/daughter/wife/etc. but you can't be expected to mourn her annually. go on your trip. because if your mom is anything like a normal mom, and she's watching over you, she just wants you to be happy.

nta. everyone grieves differently and can have different rituals. they should respect your process.

1285uus

aita for telling my 13 y/o niece and her 3 friends that they have a 9pm “lights out” because they have a game tomorrow? apparently i am evil.

i’m 27 and watching my niece because my sister got called away on business. my sister’s parting words to me were “they have a game tomorrow, please make sure they get in bed on time.” when my niece showed up this afternoon i told she and her three friends that they need to be lights out by 9 pm. they have been sulking ever since and my niece literally told me i’m the evil aunt and she never wants to speak to me again. i asked her what she was planning on and she said that they were planning on staying up all night and making prank calls to their “boyfriends” and her mom lets her do it all the time and i’m just being a hard ass. since i have no idea what i’m doing and i’m already exhausted and it’s only 6 pm can somebody please tell me aita?

nta

nta teenagers lie. her mum probably doesn’t let her stay up all night making prank calls to their boyfriends and parents. twll then if they behave it’s lights out at 10 and no phones! if they misbehave and continue to argue it’s 10 minutes earlier every time they argue.

nta don’t let the 13 year olds run games on you. their moms don’t let them stay up all night and they know it. she won’t hate you forever. you’re the adult, you set the bed time. that’s normal and a good thing. don’t let them manipulate you into thinking otherwise.