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1285xxx

aita for wanting to drink soda and breaking my penance?

i [17f] grew up in a catholic family, we're not usually soch a religious family, but suddenly my parents have a religious streak. we had a serious problem with soda, and at a certain point we were buying up to 3 large bottles of soda a day: so i decided to stop drinking it, and only do it at parties or special occasions. my parents followed my example, and we just started in the days of easter week. yesterday we were all very busy, we had barely had some cookies for breakfast at 6 a.m.. so like 3 p.m. we went to eat burgers: i wanted a soda and my mom didn't let me drink it, it bothered me a bit but at least she gave me permission to buy another type of drink. but when the waiter brought it, it was a pretty small glass, think about the games cooking for children: i asked why she didn't give me all my drink, and my mom said that i shouldn't drink it because of my penance. , obviously that little soda wasn't enough, but my mom refused to give me my drink, and instead she gave me some juice which it wasn't even cold. i protested and my brother gave me my bottle. i asked my mom why she was doing that to me, and she told me that because i was breaking my penance by wanting to drink soda, but i told her that i was not avoiding drinking so much soda for a religious penance, but for health, and that it's not so bad to have a soda from time to time, especially considering that we were eating hamburgers, and that we hadn't eaten for several hours. but she said i couldn't play with god like that, and make promises then break them like they meant nothing. honestly i don't consider myself a religious person, i believe that we're all free to believe in what we want as long as we don't hurt anyone. this morning i had forgotten a little about this, but my dad also talk to me for having failed to comply with my penance. my older sister is also agree with me and told me that my mom is crazy. so aita?

nta

info - did you actually give soda up for lent and make a promise to god or…? nta either way, because giving things up for religious purposes is a personal thing and in my opinion it shouldn’t be imposed on people. but still.

nta. also sugar addiction is a real thing, cravings are normal. be proud for doing this for yourself, take your time and don't give up. your mother will get over it. i'm also not sure why your mum see soda as something so bad but not hamburgers and juice. unless it was a fresh squeezed juice it was probably packed with a similar amount of sugar and crap. if you find out please let me know.

12860zz

aita for breaking my dad’s heart after he did something “for me”?

i’m 19f, jack and my brother are 18. my dad and jack’s mom haven’t been dating very long and my siblings and i just recently met jack and his mom. they’re great though and we get along really well. jack and my dad seem to have a wall between them. which isn’t a huge deal considering it hasn’t been very long. but anyways, jack posts a lot of himself on instagram/tiktok. he goes to the gym and cares about his appearance and all that jazz so he gets a lot of attention. my dad’s made some comments about it like “doesn’t he seem a bit self centred” or “his ego must be through the roof” things like that. if jack’s taking pictures or something of himself or a girl approaches him while we’re out, my dad will make faces. oh if jack wears a tank top that show off his muscles or is shirtless, dad’ll tell him there’s nothing to show and make similar “jokes”. he’s very sneaky about it though and i only recently started noticing his behaviour and the aggression behind it. anyways, we were on a road trip, and jack and i were taking selfies. jack jokingly put his hand on my face to cover me up. this is a joke, i’ve done it to him before too. my dad saw though and he abruptly pulled over and grabbed jack’s phone from his hand. he then started yelling at him for treating me like that and told him to get off his fucking high horse because he’s not that fucking special. jack’s mom was pissed and demanded he let her and jack off. we were in a random ass town so dad tried to keep driving but she was not letting him and he ultimately dropped them off. my brother and i got off too. dad was so shocked that we did but he was especially upset with me because he did all that for me. he said that he knows i have low self esteem and he didn’t want jack to treat me like i was lesser than. he kept asking me to get back into the car, nicely, but i refused. he told me that i’m going to regret this and that i broke his heart but i didn’t budge and told him to stop acting like he did that for me, clearly, he did it for himself. that struck a nerve and he finally drove off. jack’s uncle picked us all up and we actually had a great time exploring the place but i was also a bit guilty the whole time. sure, my dad might’ve had some personal feelings about the whole thing but it’s true that he only lost it because of something jack did to me. i do have self esteem issues (though jack wasn’t triggering me or anything). maybe i’m trying too hard to justify him but he did look heartbroken and maybe this whole thing is a misunderstanding between the two of us. gosh, idk. he hasn’t been answering my calls and my mom tells me that he‘s pretty hurt.

nta

nta and omg >he was especially upset with me because he did all that for me no! no sweetie, your dad did not do that "for you". he picked an unnecessary fight with a teenage boy because *he* felt threatened, and you were absolutely right to call him on it when he tried to hide behind your skirts. >he only lost it because of something jack did to me no! he lost it because he has self-control and emotional regulation issues, even though he's an adult. don't you dare take responsibility for your dad's feelings! >i do have self esteem issues ...and i can't help wondering where you got them, honey. who taught you to run around after your dad and clean up his messes? who taught you that if your dad "looks heartbroken" after he royally messes up an interaction and four people don't wanna hang with him anymore, that it's your job to make it better? and why is your mom, who *wasn't even there*, coming down on your dad's side and trying to guilt you out over it, especially since your dad is now giving you the silent treatment?? has your mom always been the peacemaker and smoother-over? does she think that's your job now? anyway. your dad sounds exhausting and immature, op. i think his gf just figured him out. and you're hip to his tricks too, hon, so hold your ground, do not apologize, and wait this one out. good for you for speaking your truth!

nta. the only thing your dad was doing was being an insecure jerk. for some reason, your dad does not like jack and is bullying him. he just used you for the excuse to let his insecurity out on jack again. he needs to chill out and treat jack respectfully. if he can't do it on his own he needs to get help from a professional and soon, before he drives away his daughter and his girlfriend, if he hasn't already lost her.

1286dia

aita for taking a day off to play a video game?

so i (f23) have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (f22) for 5 months. she recently moved into her own place so now we live about 13.5 hours away from each other. at the minimum we try to see each other once a month for about 2-3 days. but with her moving into her own place i can now probably see her every other weekend if not every weekend. recently i found out that a game i’ve been waiting over 12 years for is going to drop soon. i told her about how excited i was and that i would probably take the day off of work when it releases. at first she was fine with it but then she became upset. she said she didn’t appreciate the fact that i would take a day off for a video game but wouldn’t take a day off to come see her. i already have plane tickets to see her the weekend before the release date and the weekend after and she knows this. honestly i would’ve booked more weekends but i can’t because she doesn’t know her schedule, which is understandable. i told her that if we were celebrating something i would have no problem taking a day or days off of work, but for me to take a day off just to hang around the house doesnt make sense. i guess i just dont understand the significance of me taking an extra day off of work when i already will be seeing her pretty much every weekend. btw she has never once asked me to take a day off to see her and actually encourages me to take late flights so that i dont miss work.

nta

i would say nta. i know i need time to myself every now and then.

nta - you are allowed to take time for yourself and your hobbies. sounds like you have been making time to travel to her, so that’s not an issue here.

1286ede

aita for not keeping lights on in next room

i have a child that is just tall enough to turn on the lights in a room. she is just old enough to be capable of finishing up showering and drying themselves. i setup my child for a shower and lights on in the bathroom. however, in the room it connects to, the light is off and the next hallway it connect to is off. while navigating from shower room to kitchen (lights on) - you can reach the kitchen fine if you keep the shower room lights on. you might have some stumbles if you turn the shower room lights off. it is also night time, so no sunlight was coming into the house. aita for not keeping the lights on in the next connected room and hallway?

yta

yta. also questions of parenting and child welfare should be banned from this sub. because anyone who needs fucking reddit to tell them how to be a parent and take care of their children is automatically an asshole.

yeah, yta. you should keep the lights on in the connected room. who doesn't do that? i do it for myself and i'm an adult, because it's nice to be able to see when i get out of the shower.

1286gh1

aita for playing a graphic horror game on an airplane flight?

so about a month ago i was on a flight, and to entertain myself i was playing the video game scarlet hollow on my laptop. this is a visual novel horror game that at times involves quite intensely graphic gore and body horror. the kind that would have a hard r rating as a movie. as i was leaving at the end of the flight, the older lady i was seated next to stopped me. she remarked to me that the game i was playing was very disturbing and that it was rude of me to play something like that in a public space where people or kids could see it without meaning to. she said she’d been upset by them and also pointed out that there were young kids in the row behind us. oops. i apologized for bothering her, although i don’t know why she didn’t ask me to stop during the flight if the images bothered her, i would have! the kids i genuinely hadn’t noticed (they were very well behaved), but anyway their parents didn’t complain and i got no signals that’s they’d been upset or even seen what i was doing. reddit, was i an asshole for playing something upsetting in a public space that others can’t escape from? i might be, because i understand that in a plane when you’re like walking up the aisle from the bathroom or seated next to them it’s hard not to observe people’s screens. i empathize with the notion of being a kid and getting traumatized for life by an upsetting image seen in a public space. on the other hand, i might not be the asshole, because isn’t it other’s responsibility to just look away if they don’t like it? i genuinely can’t decide. i leave the issue in your hands.

yta

yta. you shouldn’t need to be told not to do things like this in a public space, and the woman next to you probably didn’t want confrontation with someone she was seated next to for an entire flight.

yeah, yta. just because you've desensitized yourself doesn't mean the rest of us should have to deal with that nasty shit in public spaces. this reminds me of when some quirky girl decided to play her ~tee her don't get murdered~ podcast on a loudspeaker at a park. she just couldn't understand why people were asking her to stop

1286oyw

aita for asking my wife to watch our child?

i (37m) am married to wife (29) with 1 child who's almost 1. background info: i work 6 days a week busting my ass off from 7 am to 7 pm in the emergency room doing surgeries (not going into details). on a random day, i decide to turn on the baby monitor we have set up and it's almost 9 am and i see our son just randomly rolling around the crib. since this incident, i've been regularly checking the monitor to see what's been going on. seems like he usually wakes up around 8 am and rolls around the crib for almost an hour. so then i proceed to text my wife at 8 am. no response. i call her, no response. later in the day i confront her about this and she says she has her own routine of doing things yada yada. this is when i said you either get up when the baby gets up or i hire a nanny. she lost it and started screaming all these obscenities at me and i'm sitting here saying i wake up close to 3 hours before you every day working my ass off bringing in income close to the top 1% and you can't even wake up before a baby? this blows my mind. so reddit, aita?

yta

yta - and the fact that you bring up money when that’s literally not a factor here let’s me know it!

yta. was the baby crying? no? then the baby is perfectly fine and content being in the crib. you’re not the at home parent taking care of the child, so you have no idea how full time childcare is. the fact is you don’t know her routine because you’ve never participated in her routine. instead of learning it, you go headfirst into attacking her for something you didn’t step up to learn. go home, apologize profusely to your wife, and learn her routine before making a judgement. just because you make the income does not mean you get to hold that over her head.

1286rln

aita for not going to work with my friend?

for some context, i (20m) have this friend (20f, we'll call her roxy) who i dated back in middle school. we were still friends after we "took a break". i do admit, i did find someone at first but i realized my mistake and only dated the girl for legit a day before i realized my mistake and decided to become loyal to roxy. she went after other guys and had multiple relationships so we didn't talk much for a while but were still friends. ever since i learned how to drive and got my car, we have hung out a whole lot more and sometimes it led to more (won't go into detail). forgot to mention she is single but has made it very clear that she does not want a relationship other than friends with me. once i came to the conclusion that she meant it, i started to do less and less for her. so now it has come to today. she usually goes with her mom after work to clean offices for extra cash. her mom recently had eye surgery on her right eye so her mom isn't feeling the best. roxy is sick and doesn't feel well either and on top of that she's on her period. this is where i might be the ahole. roxy asked me to go to work with her today because she wasn't feeling the best and wanted some extra help. i told her i had worked at my job already monday through thursday and just wanted my days off which are friday and saturday. she tried to guilt trip me into going by telling me i would look terrible in front of her mom which is true i admit. i ended up not going and she tried to tell me she felt like sh!t and needed my help. i changed the subject and asked her about something else and she hasn't responded. so, aita for deciding not to go to work with her despite her needing help?

nta

nta she was trying to manipulate you. she’s going to take advantage of you when she can.

nta. i assume she wanted you to do the work and her get paid? just like you drive the car, use your gas and she gets the benefit of the ride. she's keeping you on a string for benefits until someone comes along that she sees as the full package not just the benefits. ditch her manipulative ass and find better friends.

1286x9i

aita for not sending back all the money a former client mistakenly sent me?

i 26f have a business and one of my methods of payment is venmo. the other day a former client (60sf) mistakenly sent me $100. any transactions sent to a merchant account automatically have venmo’s business fees applied- 1.9% + .10. this came out to 2 dollars. for one transaction it’s not all that bad but since i do so many transactions a year it adds up. i want to emphasize that i do not keep the business fee, it goes to venmo, only the $98 showed up in my account so that is what i sent her back. i told her beforehand that i would send back what i got after business fees but she was pretty pissed. i’m not really sure how it was mistakenly sent to me given i haven’t serviced her in close to a year, and because of this i don’t think it could be excused as just a slip of the thumb. i don’t feel like, even though it’s only $2, i should pay for this woman’s error. as bob belcher says, “it’s the principle of the thing!” i told her to contact venmo but she still wasn’t happy and threatened a bad review. aita?

nta

nta but is this the hill you want to die on and risk reviews and reputation? yes she’s being ridiculous and it wasn’t your fault. but she can do her best to paint you as a villain and you’re gonna have trouble responding in a professional way… $2 is a small price to pay for not having to deal with that bs… it would be different if it happened all the time, but for a one off? hell… send us your venmo info and i’ll send you $0.50 to help out 😅

nta terms and conditions of venmo. part of using that service. she agreed to venmo when she made her account so her mistake shouldn’t come out of your pocket. i agree she should contact venmo if she has an issue

1286xqu

aita for not removing my socks?

last week i attended a party hosted by my best friends. for this party, i wore my favorite jacket, a dress, thigh high socks and boots. i thought i looked pretty cute. a couple i didn't know also came to this party and the gf took an instant dislike to me, glaring at me and refusing to speak to me. her bf was okay with me but i mostly just engaged with the people i knew. around half way through the night, the gf cornered me and told me i should remove my socks as her bf has a kink for them. i told her no. she then began yelling and screaming at me, threatening me, calling me an attention whore and accusing me of trying to steal her man. eventually her and the bf were kicked out. my friends are on my side for the most part, but a few people there said that i should've just removed or rolled down my socks. aita?

nta

nta. thank goodness she didn't catch a glimpse of your underwear. just tell her you can't, because two other guests have a boot fetish and a foot fetish, respectively.

why is she involving you in her ~~husband's~~ boyfriend's kinks? eww. **nta.**

1287dc0

aita for making my mother pay me back after i payed for her order on her birthday?

for context;my mother celebrates every single birthday in the house except for mine and my older brother’s she somehow always forgets them but it doesn’t matter and i don’t even remind her. she makes my father buy expensive gifts for my sisters on their birthdays (like gold jewelry) and tells me to bring them gifts and if i don’t she would shame me(btw im a student and still have no career). i always bring her gifts and flowers on her birthday and mother’s day ,but this time i decided not to because she always forgets mine and if i remind her she tells me she doesn’t celebrate birthdays.so i only bought her a 20 euro cake on mother’s day ,and on her birthday (which is five days later) i only kissed her and said happy birthday.on the same day she said that her bag is on the way and she needs cash to pay and asks me for 55 euros i gave her thinking she would pay me back ,well she didn’t and jokingly said its my birthday gift.i didn’t ruin her day and i decided to tell her later. my father travelled yesterday (he gives each of us money each month) this time he didn’t leave me money ,apparently my mother told him that ive been spending alot the past few months so i don’t need any. i have graduation coming and a bunch of stuff to buy and yet can’t afford anything ,today i told her that i need my money back and that i will forget about my little brothers takeaways that i payed for and only want my 55 euros she got mad and called me greedy and told my sisters and now all are shaming me for it. extra note:before u tell me to get a job im studying a very difficult major and barely have time,also in our culture our father pays till we have an actual career and he doesn’t have a single problem with that.

nta

nta. i think you need to talk directly with your father about the situation and what your mom did. and how she forgets your birthday all the time.

nta need to talk to your dad about this one, your mom's acting quite strange. expecting you to pay for >her bag considering you're a student with no job her telling your dad you've been spending a lot and don't need the money raises red flags, is odd behavior, and borderline has it out for you

1287e5g

aita for not turning off my charger at night?

my partner has told me that i need to turn off my charger at night. i understand where she is coming from, bills are expensive we don’t have a massive amount of money but we manage. while i grant that it’s not the most efficient i find turning off my changer substantially disrupts my routine. if i don’t charge my phone or other devices overnight i often find that i am running out of charge during the day and having to delay or disrupt other plans to avoid this, it just seems simpler. it also means little inconveniences such as having to get out of bed or reach down to the wall switch behind the bed if i want to turn on my bedside light. it seems like such a little thing but when i have told her no i would rather keep it on, this leads to arguing and eventually her refusing to sleep in the same room as me. i am tempted to just give in and try and adjust my routine but i wanted to get a measure for if i am being unreasonable here. most other people i know charge their phone overnight and it doesn’t seem to be an issue. if we are that desperate to reduce bills i feel there are other places we can save more in a less disruptive way. but am i simply being stubborn and lazy when i could adjust to a new routine with some effort. tldr: my partner doesn’t like that i have my charger on overnight and it’s turned into an actual issue. aita for not switching it off as i find it much more convenient?

nta

hand your partner five bucks. that will cover the charging of an i phone overnight for at least a year. if they want to save money this is not putting a dent in anything. plus your sanity. nta

nta the really hard-core ecological folks point out that the collective draw of the billions of idle chargers out there constitutes - in toto - a nontrivial draw on the power grid. i guess that's unquestionably true. but the draw of an individual charger that isn't in use is vanishingly small, and just next to zero. perhaps someone can correct me, but if it used a nickel's worth of electricity in a month i'd be surprised. this seems to me to be an issue where the convenience outweighs the tiny cost. i think your partner is making much ado about nothing.

1287hgi

aita for ignoring and arguing with my friend for trying to cancel plans?

my (18f) best friend (also 18f) and i have been friends for 5 years and we have done everything together. we go to concerts together, hang out every week, albeit not a lot now since we have all started university, but we still text or call everyday. lately my best friend has been seeming to distance herself from me, she often declines hanging out with me, and appears active online whilst also failing to message me back for hours. as well as that, she also doesn’t seem to be as interested in hanging out with me either. she recently went out with three of our other best friends and didn’t invite me. one thing i was super excited for was a concert we have coming up this week, where i asked her to come with me. i was excited to be able to go out with her, more excited than i actually was about the concert. she accepted and we planned how it was going to work. a few months after booking the ticket, about a week before the concert, which was yesterday, she comes into my dms saying “my new friend invited me to my party but it’s on the concert night” with a crying emoji. i knew exactly what she was trying to do. she wouldn’t have brought it up otherwise. then, i ask her if she actually wanted to come to the party, which she reassured me… but followed it by saying “unless one of your new friends from uni wants to come?”. if she really wanted to come, why would she even offer it up like that? she’s usually very stubborn and very excited for these sorts of things. i told my boyfriend (18m) about what happened and he proceeded to tell me that my best friend had dmed him earlier that day saying “don’t tell (my name), but i don’t think i can come to the concert because my friend (who she has known for less than a month) threw a party on the same night” and she offered the ticket to my boyfriend. she would rather have went to the party instead of a night i’ve been excited for, for months. i literally spoke about this every night. what annoyed me most is when she reassured me she only brought it up cos she knew i “had other friends now”. which is a lie. she brought it up because she was trying to scheme me into letting her get fucked up at a party with people she doesn’t know. as you can tell i’m quite upset and i feel like i’m overreacting lol. here’s where i might’ve been the asshole. i started getting super mad at her in dms, and she kept apologising saying she didn’t mean it, but she still doesn’t know i know about the texts she sent my boyfriend. and also the fact i’m ignoring her. am i being the asshole?

nta

nta but she may have been a great friend years ago, but she's not now. she's treating you badly, please don't tolerate that anymore. it's an important life skill to learn how to not tolerate anyone - bf, gf, family, coworker, anyone - disrespecting or mistreating you. it's hard because they'll try to blame you or claim you're overreacting, but you're worth more. i suggest you just text or dm her that you've made other arrangements for the concert, don't respond if she responds, and then go no contact. she didn't only do crap like this once, but multiple times. don't give her more opportunities to do so. if you run into her, be polite but chill and don't give her any opening. if others ask what's up, just say you need space for awhile (and don't elaborate). repeat as needed. finally, when you get sad or miss her, remind yourself she's not the friend from 5 yrs ago.

nta - it sounds like she wants to distance herself a bit. it might be time to branch out an make some new friends…

1287hvx

aita for telling my friend she should stop trying to get a boys attention?

background- my friend (sidney) had a failed “talking stage” with a boy (joe). they talked for around 2 months before joe told her that he honestly didn’t want a relationship with her because he didn’t want to loose her as a friend. ok main conflict, that^ all happened about a month ago, ever since it’s all sidney can talk about. she goes crazy when joe looks at her, walks past her, opens her snapchats or likes her instagram or other social media posts. (she thinks it’s a sign he is still into her but “to immature to admit it”) everyday as we walk to one of our classes, joe is walking in the opposite direction (passing us) she makes sure she’s on the outside of the hallway or kind of in the middle when he walks by. she’ll then talk about how he looked at her and obviously still likes her. however, sidney talks about how she just has to get over him and he’s just not worth her time. after saying these things and evidently not doing it i told her to just try to forget about it and ignore him, i told her i understand it might be hard but it’s unhealthy behavior and that i’m here for her if she needs support. after i told her that she stopped responding to me, our other friend (olivia) texted me saying sidney was upset at me for saying those things to her. i honestly don’t see how i was in the wrong aita? edit - she did ask me what she should do about it (should she text him etc.) sorry for the forgotten information.

nta

nta. she’s got an unhealthy “obsession” with this dude. you just said how it is, not your fault she got mad at you.

nta. i don’t think you did anything wrong. she knows that he doesn’t like her, but she hasn’t come to terms with it. i think she’s taking her disappointment out on you personally. she’s not going to take it out on joe even though he told her he wasn’t interested. joe gave her a very standard friendzone excuse why he wasn’t interested. she needs to move on, not become creepy.

1287kc5

aita for cleaning up the shared space in our bathroom?

my mother (55) sister (22) and i (26) all share a master bathroom space. my sister suffers from ocd and a ritual of hers involves excessive hand washing. she will spend hours sometimes in the bathroom washing her hands or honestly i’m not sure what else. large piles of paper towels and toilet paper will be left in the wastebaskets. there will also be a huge pile of towels in the bathroom at the end of every or every other day along with her laundry etc. these towels aren’t dirty but my sister will consider them unusable. my mother sister & i all share the same genetic disability. (hiring help isn’t possible financially right now) our mother is the sickest, and the majority of housework lies on my shoulders. my sister does what i would consider to be the least she is required to do with housework and grows resentful/rude towards me when i ask for help. or says she will, but never follows through. i wash towels every day to keep up with the rate we go through them, and i will typically grab whatever other laundry is lying around in the bathroom. sometimes when my sister didn’t intend to wash a piece of clothing i place in the laundry room she becomes upset, and insists i should have left it lying strewn across the floor or bench by the bathtub for her to “clean up when she gets to it.” the thing is, it could be left lying there for many days or sometimes even week(s) if she doesn’t intend on wearing it. she will typically leave garbage and misplaced things exactly where they are until asked to clean them up or i do so. (and sometimes she’ll say yes but doesn’t so i eventually do it) i feel it’s unreasonable to leave clothing lying around, making a shared space messy that i’m not “allowed” to straighten up. i requested multiple times that if she cares about re-wearing something she should simply take it into her room with her after showering etc. at this point she becomes very angry, and our mom sides with her saying i should just leave the laundry until she comes to get it. i feel it’s incredibly stressful to be in a messy space, and i already go crazy trying to keep up with the rate of towels we are going through it feels like every time i walk back into the room there’s more in a messy pile or strewn across counters i just straightened. i don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask clean clothing be carried into her room with her, otherwise i will assume it’s dirty. this rule was applied to me my entire childhood and adult life (when i’ve lived at home) by my mother, i don’t see why it should be different for my sister. i don’t feel ocd is an excuse for forcing someone to live in a messy space or leaving clothes in the bathroom consistently. aita for wanting to clean up the bathroom?

nta

nta … but it may be time to consider finding another place to live …

nta, your sister is a grown ass woman and should be cleaning after herself, you shouldn’t even have to be washing her clothes:

1287qp9

aita for canceling plans with a friend due to lack of transportation?

myself and a friend, who has a toddler, have been trying to hang out (all 3 of us) for about 2 weekends now. first plan got wonky because i had a prior commitment in the morning that i told her about but we planned on meeting up in the afternoon. i got out of the function half hour later than planned but i was keeping her updated throughout. unfortunately the new meet up time was too close to her toddler’s bedtime (wasn’t aware of when bedtime was). we rescheduled for the weekend after to meet up at a park mid-morning since i have a prior obligation the same day at 4p. however, looking ahead and seeing the weather was going to be shitty after we made the park plans, she suggested me meeting up with them at the library for playtime there around 9:30a. i mistakenly agreed before asking where the location was, assuming it would be within the means of public transportation (i don’t drive, she knows this). when i got the address today & looked it up, it was 2 hours using public transportation; which would’ve been 4 hours of traveling in the rain for me. i texted the night before (today) saying i wouldn’t be able to make it due to the travel time, the multiple buses i would have to take (and most likely miss a connection because public transportation is shit here) and needed to be back prior to 4. i would only be able to stay an hour if that and suggested meeting in the middle or somewhere i can access by t a little easier and was met with resistance. i recognize i should’ve checked sooner, and that she’s tired and was looking forward to a mini break (her words), but i wasn’t expecting her reaction to me not being able to realistically make it out there to be so passive aggressive. i sincerely apologized because i do want to see my friend and her kid, but the timing & transportation unfortunately doesn’t work. aita?

nta

nta. sometimes shit happens and you realize last minute that you’re gonna have to travel four hours for a very short hang out. does this person also not have a vehicle? could they not have come to pick you up?

nta, but you need to check locations, bedtimes, and other details before agreeing to a meet up. it’ll be less frustrating for everyone involved.

1287rke

aita for crying over my spring pictures?

today, my mom (45f) got my (14ftm) spring pictures back. in the picture, i had terrible acne, had a terrible smile and was wearing a super feminine outfit because my mom basically forced me to. i started to cry because i looked so bad and it didn't look like me at all. my mom asked why i started crying and i said "i look so bad, it doesnt look like me" meaning i didnt look like myself at all. she got upset at me saying there was no reason to get upset and i was tearing myself down for no reason and i quote "made it seem like nothing was ever enough". she never listens to me and apparently is totally oblivious to my self esteem issues and dysphoria and dysmorphia, because she then showed me a video of a little starving kid eating a sandwich and the caption said "when you think your life is hard, think of this video". i felt bad, and yeah, crying over a picture is kind of dumb compared to that, but im struggling as is, that picture was the last thing i needed to see. so aita?

nta

nta. your mom clearly isn’t taking your feelings into consideration, forcing you to wear clothes that you are not comfortable with, and then trying to distract you with pictures of starving kids to diminish your feelings

nta. someone else has it worse doesn't make your struggles any less hard on you. they're 100% valid

1287s9f

aita for getting my brother in law in trouble

yup 😻 aita for telling my parents and brother that my brother in law has been saying stuff that his wife’s sister should not be hearing 😻 this happened last year but it still bugs me whenever i think about how the whole thing ended. my sister has married my brother in law for a few years now and they have two kids. during the start of the marriage, me and my brother in law were very close and we’d call each other best friend and he’d take me shopping 4 toys when i was younger but last year, as their youngest child ( who was about 3 months at the time ) was crying while they were eating. i was very scared as they were eating and i asked what i should do. they replied with “oh we’ll feed her” but she wouldn’t stop crying and i asked again…”why don’t you breastfeed her” is what i hear from my brother in law ( n he was laughing… ) instead of saying anything or getting mad, my sister just sat there and continued to eat. i told my mom first about what happened and then the rest of my family and they were not happy. my brother was very angry at my brother in law for saying that to me and they got into an argument with my sister. my friend ( the friend from my other thing, rosie ) knew what happened after my mom told her mom as rosie is also close to my brother in law…………👷‍♂️ my sister came over one day and was having a conversation with rosie and then she got upset at me for saying yes when she asked if i told our mom about what her husband said to me n stomped of to the kitchen ( we were in the living room ) and said “she’s not even sorry”. -side stufff my sister has been in a lot of pain since she was young and has gotten depression after some stuff happened to her and my mother and my sister has been my biggest role model ever since i was a kid. as my parents and brother were always busy, it was just me and my sister. my sister is like my second mom and she’s misses a lot when she was in college just so she could stay at home with me. while i do love her, i don’t know why she didn’t say anything n i don’t know if i should have just kept my mouth shut.

yta

your story is a little difficult to follow. 1. i'm pretty sure your brother in law was joking, 2. this reads as if you're 10 years old, 3... who the fuck is rosie hard to say whether yta or not cause it feels like you're probably too young to understand it was a joke

yta it was a joke, your sister didn't say anything because it was a joke. this post is hard to read for numerous reasons and you're just throwing us random details. like who the hell is rosie?

1287vfh

aita for telling my bil to f*ck off?

me (f20) and my brother-in-law “liam” (m24) sorta get along, but he’s arrogant and thinks he’s right all the time which can very annoying. he’s also very blunt and comes off like a dickhead. i have a one year old son with my ex boyfriend “james” (m20) but we’ve been sorta on and off since our son was born. liam has never been a fan of my relationship with james and he always tells me i should just leave him for good, and find a man that will actually stick around for me and my son. i understand where he’s coming from but at the same time i have my own reasons for getting back together with james. after the first two breakups i kindly told liam that i understand his point of view, but i’d appreciate it if he stayed out of my relationship and stopped giving me unsolicited advice when i never asked him. everything was fine until last week, me and james decided to take some time apart, however we’re trying a new coparenting schedule that works a lot better for us. liam found out through my sister (his wife) that me and james broke up again and he called me saying that i “constantly make stupid choices and that i need to wake up and stop going back to james” he also told me that constantly getting back together/breaking up makes me look like a bad mother that doesn’t care about her son. i had enough at that point and basically told him to fuck off and i can make my own decisions when it comes to me, my son, and my relationship with my son’s father. he kept saying that i was making the wrong choice and that the entire family “doesn’t care” anymore. my sister then reached out to me and tried apologizing on liam’s behalf but told me that he was upset that i told him to “fuck off” when all he was trying to do is look out for me and my son. aita?

nta

nta "i can make my own decisions when it comes to me, my son, and my relationship with my son’s father" - perfectly said...

nta - he crossed the line; several of them. it's not loving or helpful to be told the things he said. who deemed him a throne to dish out opinions and directives? he cannot keep his mouth shut then is hurt when you said fo. hold your boundary. the moment he mentions this topic end the call or walk away. say, "we've talked about this and there is no need for you to comments on my life." \~ this is your life. you get the make the decisions. he needs to find a healthy way to express he cares cause his current approach is not working. best to you!

12884x2

aita for be mad about my friend stealing my phone?

i was sitting in algebra class at the end of the day the day before spring break with my phone on my desk one of my best friends i’ll call alexa yoinks my phone off my desk which doesn’t bother me because we are close and i know she’ll give it back. alexa fake leaves the class as a joke and when she comes back in she says our friend who i’ll call rose has it background on rose is we aren’t that close because i’m very self conscious around her she always makes comments on how i should wear makeup because of my eye bags and how i should get nose surgery (i never felt bad about my nose before meeting her) and always taking bad photos of me on purpose. so i didn’t want her to have my phone because she wasn’t in the class room and just wandering the hallways with it so i got upset.i begged the teacher to let me out of class to go find it because i have softball practice after school and i need to text my mom.i run around panicking looking for her when i finally find her she thought it was just a joke and laughing about it i asked her why she stole my phone and she said our friend alexa gave it to her so now i don’t know if i’m in the wrong because she thought it was funny and now i’m thinking i was just in my head about it aita?

nta

it was a jerk move and you need new friends. nta

nta. get some new friends. (iknow, easier said than done.) also, i bet your nose is perfect!

1288ao3

wibta if i take vacation without my wife

background: we have three kids (i have 1, she has 2). we only have my 15yo step-son left at home. we've been married for 14 years and take family vacations every year with as many kids as can make it. it's always the same location with the same restaurants, arcades, beaches, etc. every single year. it's always just us parenting and catering to the kids and falling asleep without having spent a moment relaxing or alone with my wife. she and i have not had more than a few days away alone since we got married. we recently had an opportunity for a 9 day trip fall into our lap. it's with my parents, which isn't an issue, but it will save us a lot of money due to splitting some costs. i brought up the idea of her and i going, but leaving the 15yo with his bio-dad. 4 adults with no kids traveling and seeing the sights!! to be clear, his bio-dad is not the best dad. he's the "super religious, alpha-male, douche" type, and the 15yo doesn't really like him, but he's not dangerous, and the kid will be fine. this is an opportunity to go on a real vacation where she and i can do things together, be in a hotel room without kids, go to clubs/bars/nice restaurants, have an uninterrupted conversation for once. she tells me that she doesn't want to go without the kid because she can't leave him behind. i'm bewildered. he's 15, and his dad is alive and well, and we need this time, badly. i feel like i need this vacation. i need to be able to relax and see something other than my house and neighborhood. so, wibta if i go without her? edit. thank you all for your input. i decided that i don't want to go without her. vacations, restful or not, are just not the same if your partner isn't there to share the experience with you. we're going to try to work out a shorter one or a different one.

nta

nta go without her. bonus she gets alone time with her kid! win win

nta kids and parents need time apart.

1288c7d

aita for putting out a fire that would otherwise burn my house down?

this was my first experience with uncontrolled fire. so basically me and my friends where at my house and we where playing video games. i get a text from my mom saying there is a box of pizza on the stove. we finish playing the game and go downstairs. we get some pizza and out of nowhere we smell burning. we look over and see the pizza box is on fire as well as a box of lightbulbs. it wasn't a big fire but i panicked and didn't know what else to do. i notice that the stove was on and ran to turn it off. i instinctively grab the fire extinguisher without any previous experience. i pull the pin thinking that it would work. while i am grabbing the extinguisher my father gets up from his chair grabs the pizza box and throws it outside. while doing that he yells at me and calls me a moron and swears many times. i noticed there was still stuff on fire so i used the extinguisher. i then blast the still on fire pizza box that is now burning on our front lawn. he then proceeds to yell at me more and kick me and my friends out of the house. he yells about how i shouldn't of used the extinguisher inside the kitchen without telling me why. i try to reason and apologize but he continues to yells at me to get tf out of my house so we bike to my friends house. looking back, the dial for the stove was probably turned by someone's waist leaning over for pizza. so am i the asshole for arguing with him, or should i have left quietly? should i have used the fire extinguisher or brought it to the front yard?

nta

nta jesus i'd rather clean up after an extinguisher than remodel 20-30% of the house at minimum.

nta. i understand why your dad was annoyed bc it's a pain to clean, but man he was extremely unreasonable here. so the reason he was mad (i think) is because fire extinguishers leave a lot of mess and it can take hours to get it cleaned. he was also angry because from his perspective he already "solved" the problem and you then proceeded to ignore what he was saying to then do what he didn't want to you do. however, this is terrible parenting and also pretty unreasonable. you panicked and your instinct was good. you stopped the fire. he definitely should have waited till you calmed down to explain how to better handle these in the future. instead he is now instilling a fear of using the extinguisher which is obviously terrible if there was a bigger fire. you have nothing to apologize for, you did everything right.

1288cdb

aita for wanting an expensive vehicle?

my wife and i own 3 vehicles, a 2022 crossover (her current daily driver), a 2013 pickup (her old daily driver), and a 1994 pickup truck (my daily driver, i own it). 2013 runs fine but the 1994 is about to die. in 2022, we were financially stable enough to get a new vehicle and bought the crossover (more kid friendly we have a 2 year old). i told her to find whatever vehicle she wanted, and we’d get that. we generally agreed it would be my turn to get a new vehicle when we paid off the 2013 truck ($400 / month) payment. i just got a big bonus that we used to pay off the truck, enrich our savings, put some money towards her debt, and plan a nice vacation. i also got a nice raise and can expect another $650 / month coming in. i looked for a vehicle, found a model i like, but with interest rates and dealers charging over msrp (ford bronco they’re hot and hard to find at msrp) it’s looking like the vehicle will run about $650-$700 / month, even with my perfect credit. the net increase will be about $250-$300 a month for us (we used to have a $400 payment now we would have a $650 payment, so $250 ish net difference), leaving us an additional $300-ish more for other things with my raise. i finally find one i like, negotiate to what i think is a fair price (still $4000 above msrp but $7000 down from asking) and my wife says no, it’s too expensive and would be more comfortable at $500 / month. i cannot find a vehicle i like for this budget (new, manual shift, 4x4 is my criteria, she said it had to be a four door). there are 4 models like this sold in na and all are over the $500 / month budget. she isn’t confirmed pregnant but may be with twins (fertility issues, this has all been planned) and now thinks we should prioritize potential future daycare costs. my argument is we were hosed for twin baby costs either way with or without my raise, which we wouldn’t see for about year and my goal is to find a new job by then (my skills are marketable and i haven’t left simply because i’m comfortable). i sound irresponsible here, but i am positive i could find a job with a 20% raise within a year or less, i am currently really underpaid for my skills. i am frustrated now, aita for being frustrated with her, or being an entitled prick? i could just be being ta by wanting a shiny new suv and should instead settle for our paid off 2013, which is more fiscally responsible edit 2: seen this a few times in the comments so thought i’d clarify. the truck is my wife’s from before marriage. she refuses to trade it in because it’s “hers” and wants something to pull a camper (we’re wilderness people) that she’s inheriting from her dad that the bronco likely couldn’t pull

yta

yta for being impatient. you are next in line for the new family car, but you have upcoming unknown expenses and car prices are still high. wait a few months to see where the new job search is going, if twins are joining the family, car prices to hopefully decline and then restart your search. yes, you are doing well financially, but you should let things settle before making a big purchase. need over want right now. you've got this!

yta. at least wait until you know if she’s pregnant with friggin twins. this is not an essential purchase. you can hold off on your dream car until you actually know if you can afford it.

1288sla

wibta for reporting my roommate to animal services

important: no risk of euthanasia. i am not in the us and i have spoken to animal services (not sure if its the right term), from a legal standpoint they agree that this is neglect and should be reported, and can support it handing the cats over to somebody we know if they are suitable. i'm still not sure if i'd be an asshole to do so though. i want to mention that this is a last resort and i will do everything i can to avoid reporting her. honest feedback and advice is appreciated. i currently live in a shared apartment with 3 other people. one of my roommate's (lets call her c) has two cats. since moving into the apartment i've become a bit concerned about their quality of life. c is planning on moving out and i'm worried that the cats will not be properly looked after. i have never had pet cats before, only a dog, so i've read up on cat care but i'm definitely not an expert. i'll list the things that worry me below. 1. quality of food: both cats are fed twice a day. the food brand was tested in a 2017 study and found to be too high in minerals (?) and unhealthy for cats. one cat is also borderline underweight and we identified that she eats more when given more higher quality fish based cat food 3 times a day. c insists on unhealthy food twice a day. 2. hygiene: c cleans the cat toilets maybe once a week, sometimes twice. this doesn't include a deep clean, just scooping the shit out etc. the whole bathroom and hallway smells very strongly of cat piss. the smell must be overwhelming for the cats, and it might explain why one cat keeps urinating on the floor. 3. toxic substances: because of the smell issue, c keeps buying incense, candles and sprays. they are also very strongly and include toxic essencial oils. c insists its not a problem despite me sending her information on it. 4. human attention: c used to live here full-time but now spends 4-5 days a week at her boyfriends. she just disappeared when she started dating him and it was devastating for the cats.she was told by the vet to not smoke around the cats so when she is home she is in her bedroom with the door closed smoking. the cats either sit in the hallway waiting for her or spend time with another roommate (b) who they bonded closely too in cs absence. 5. moving situation: c and her boyfriend plan to live together in a couple years but worry cs cats and his cats will fight. in this situation, c would give her cats away. c wants to move from a huge apartment where the cats have attention all day to a small apartment. the cats would see c half the week and would be alone during work hours. basically, she insists on unhealthy food, toxic household products, poor litter box hygiene, and gives her cats little attention. she wants to move into a tiny apartment where they would be alone most days of the week, knowing that she will have to give her cats away anyway when she moves in with her boyfriend. b, the roommate the cats love, said he would be happy to keep them in our apartment and he would take responsibility for them. i know she won't agree to this. im happy to take the fall and shit from my friend group by reporting her, as long as the cats are loved and looked after. i don't see a perfect way forward and don't know what to do.

yta

yta. not a single one of the reasons you listed off would warrant animal protective services. she doesn't sound like a *perfect* owner but it also doesn't sound abusive or neglectful. honestly, tons of people kennel their dogs alone for an entire 8 hour work day, so the cats being alone in an apartment for a work day is not a concern at all. also, you being worried about what happens to the cats in *a few years* when the bf moves in is ridiculously controlling of you. there's no guarantee the couple will even be together in a few years, along with there being no guarantee their cats won't get along fine.

yta. go ahead and report it if you want to, no one will take those cats away from her. if i had a roommate as ridiculous, controlling and difficult as you, i’d be gone most of the time too. you feed the cats food your roommate doesn’t want to feed them (which may contribute to the stinky litter box situation, switching food and feeding more than twice a day can give cats stomach issues). you give her reading material about ‘toxic substances’ when she’s not doing anything wrong. and you think you are 100% right.

1288y8t

aita for not skipping or shortening a vacation with my mom because my bio mom will be in town

so, some background: my bio parents were 19 and 21 when they had me (15f). they were both in college and didn't think they could take care of me so i moved in with my paternal grandparents when i was born. my dad transferred to a school an hour away so even tho i didn't live with him i saw him every weekend and on school breaks. bio mom just kinda fucked off. when i was almost 2 i moved in with my dad and his girlfriend, now wife. i'll be calling her my mom for the rest of the story. i think i finally met bio mom when i was like 5 or 6, she visits maybe once a year, and we talk like once a month. now that i'm older, the way my bio mom's visits go is she gives me a few weeks notice that she's coming to visit, she gets a hotel, someone drops me off to go out to eat or shopping or something with her, picks me up a few hours later, and we do that like 2 or 3 times and call it a day (or year). spring break is coming up and my school has 2 weeks off so my mom's gonna take me on a girls trip for the first week and a half. my brothers (8 and 10) have one week so my dad's gonna take them for a guy's thing for the first couple days then they're gonna meet up with me and my mom for a family vacation. i'm really excited for it. the problem is my bio mom texted me a few days ago that she, her husband, and their kids are going to be here for the 1st week of my break. i made the mistake of telling her my mom and i will be going on vacation that week. she asked if i can have her move it to the 2nd week and i said no because we'll be on a family vacation then. she said something along the lines of "great! you can have your stepmom (she refuses to call her my mom) cancel the first week and spend the week with us then you can go on your family vacation". i told her i'm not going to have my mom cancel our trip and she got upset because her visiting with her husband and kids is a really big deal, i haven't seen them in 4 years and haven't met the younger 2, and she already booked the flights and hotel. i told her my mom also booked the flights and hotel and it's not fair to ask her to cancel it because she couldn't give me more than 2 weeks notice. she got my dad involved and he's kinda pushing me to see my bio mom. he keeps saying my mom will understand if i skip the first week and meeting my half siblings is a big deal but i don't really care about them or my bio mom and really want to go on this vacation.

nta

nta, you shouldn’t have to drop everything because she suddenly has time for you. she should have checked with you before booking hotels and flights.

nta you're going on a trip with your real mom who raised you while your bio mom expects you to always be available.

1289292

aita for calling out homophobia on the day of my grandmother’s funeral?

my grandmother’s funeral was today. before it started, and while everyone was just socializing, my sister made a comment that one of our family members left a post on facebook years ago saying i was going to go to hell because i was bisexual. my sister said she didn’t see the post, but heard about it through our aunt. i never knew about this alleged post until then. i tried to play it off as if it wasn’t a big deal, but honestly it was a pretty distracting thought while the funeral service was happening. about 3 hours after the service, i reached out to my aunt through text and asked if that family member left the post. she confirmed she did. then my sister, who was with my aunt when she received my text, sent me a message saying “can you talk to her in person and not right after grandmas funeral? i didn’t tell you that to start shit and today is not the day dude.” a part of me understands how the timing of my text is bad, but another part of me feels like i’m being told that homophobia directed towards me doesn’t matter. so, aita for inquiring about this facebook after my grandmothers funeral service?

yta

yta. your need to deal with a three year old family slight does not need to be dealt with on the day of your grandmother's funeral.

yta. it was "distracting" you at your grandmother's funeral? are you always starring in the movie of your own life, or do you occasionally notice that other people exist? and then you thought it was necessary to ask your aunt about this 3 hours after her mother's memorial service? i hope you're a kid because this is incredibly immature behaviour.

1289438

aita for not giving any of the money my husband left for our children to his mother?

my husband died suddenly leaving me to raise our two children who were 12 and 15 at the time. he was a great father who took very good care of us when he was alive. he left enough money for me to raise our kids the and pay for their education. he specifically left 80% to me and 10% to each of our children to receive when they turn 18. despite the money he left, i still work 2 jobs to maintain the lifestyle we had when he was alive. the day he died, his mother demanded i sign over the check to her immediately. i told her i would not. she said she was entitled to it because she was his mother. his friends and family disagreed with my decision to keep the money for what my husband left it for, our kids. they called me selfish for not giving his mother the check and have not spoken to me or the kids in over 2 years. his mother and family have started several foundations in his name to collect money for their own agendas and even sell merchandise with a logo they created using his name. not one cent has gone to our children. aita for doing what my husband wanted?

nta

nta you are well out of that mess, however i would report them if they are "collecting money" for your children if you haven't received any of it. that's fraud.

nta - if your husband wanted his mother to have the money, he would have left it to her.

1289cx8

aita for leaving our wedding for 30 minutes?

i(22m) recently got married to my wife isabella (23f) last week and some people were already being weird about things in our wedding like isabella wanted to wear a light pink dress instead of a traditional white one and that i was wearing a white suit instead of a traditional black one. also about the wedding cake flavor which was lemon because isabella loves lemon cream cake but we fixed that buy getting a separated cake for everyone else, we also went from a non-alcohol wedding when we don't drink to allowing it because people wouldn't stop complaining. then what seems to be the biggest atrocity of our marriage is that i took her last name instead of her taking mine my reason is further distancing myself from the monsters that gave me that last name. for context my wife has autism so she struggles with some things but especially with a few things like loud noise, crowds of people, and surprises. like the day i was going to propose i told her that i was going to propose and how i was going to do it because i knew she would be more comfortable with it that way the only thing i wanted was to keep what ring i got her a secret until i proposed with which was the disney enchanted elsa snowflake ring because she really likes disney but especially frozen. now to where me and my wife are apparently the ah is during our wedding reception about 20ish minutes into it isabella came up to me and told me she was starting to get overwhelmed between all the people and the loud noises so she asked if it was okay to leave for a bit and i said of course it was and she asked if i could come with her so we went outside to some were quiet. we talked she asked if it was okay that we left the reception and i said it's our wedding so we could go home if we both really wanted to but we didn't. we talked for a bit and we normally have noise cancelling earbuds for her for when wants or needs to because music helps her calm down we were outside for about 30 minutes. people had food and drinks but we did delay people from getting cake since we had it where no one got any until we cut the wedding cake. so then a couple days later i hear there are people who were upset and thought we are ah's for leaving as the two people the party was about and making people wait longer for certain things. though to me i think that if one of the two people that the party is about isn't doing the best at that time that is more important to us than us being there the whole time as isabella would 100% have done the dame if i was having trouble. so aita?

nta

so nta. it’s your wedding, your timeline. your wife needed a moment away for something those who love you should understand if they know her. if i were you i would be examining the relationships you have with those who said something to you. btw, let her have whatever cake she wants. she’s the bride!! dear god.

nta at all!! your wife is blessed to have a patient and understanding husband. your guests are assholes for complaining.

1289fao

aita for wanting to know what’s up with my bf and his parents?

i, (f21) and my boyfriend (m21) have been together for over a year and a half. we have a very good life together and own our own place w our own pets. arguing is rare, and us getting really mad with each other is even more rare. i wouldn’t have it any other way. we are each other’s favorite person. my boyfriend doesn’t have a good past with his family. i’m not going into detail for his privacy, but to sum it up it’s caused what i think is permanent resentment and i feel that he is in denial and trying to force himself to love his parents. he’s claimed to me he’s “cool with his parents” many times, but he hardly ever texts them. i told him that if someday we eventually get married and have kids that “who you want to be involved in our future kids’ lives is up to you.” and left it at that. i hardly ever bring up his parents. but recently, i’ve been noticing that he hasn’t been texting both of his parents and the time i asked him about it he says “idk i just don’t feel like talking to them all the time.” even though he hardly talks to them at all. i told him i was confused that he claims to be cool and happy with his parents but doesn’t want to text them at all. his birthday is coming up and he doesn’t want to go to his house at all or acknowledge it with his family including parents. he got a little agitated and told me that there’s no reason why he doesn’t talk to them even though i know something’s wrong and he doesn’t want to tell me. when i told him things might partially be awkward with them bc he refuses to talk to them he got really mad at me (he never gets this mad) and told me to “stop making shit up that to rationalize why i don’t wanna talk to my parents”, etc. all i told him was i’m making an observation on what i’ve seen this whole time and that if it really was nothing it wouldn’t be so triggering. i don’t care where he stands, i just don’t know why there’s a lot of secrecy and anger over this topic but not anything else. it’s just frustrating because when his parents text us both im put on the spot and wonder why my bf claims to be cool with them if i’m the only one responding in the chat. i feel rude if i don’t respond. maybe i’m being too invasive? but i don’t think i am since i made it clear i don’t care what he decides but to let me know so we can be on the same page. i don’t want to be nice to them if they did something recently to make him feel shitty or something. aita?

yta

yta. family dynamics are tricky, but ultimately between each person and their own family. for example, your comment of "i told him i was confused that he claims to be cool and happy with his parents but doesn’t want to text them at all. his birthday is coming up and he doesn’t want to go to his house at all or acknowledge it with his family including parents." i *love* my parents but if there's nothing notable to talk about, i can go weeks without texting my mom. i'm not exaggerating when i say i can count the number of times i text/call my dad in a *year* on one hand, but he's honestly top 3 of my favorite people ever. my birthday plans almost never include my parents (aside from it being the one consistent text i get from my dad every year). so if someone tried to act like there was some ulterior reason i wasn't talking to my parents frequently, i too would get annoyed. that's just not the relationship we have. meanwhile, my mil texts me and my husband every single day. if she goes one day without hearing from us, she'll say she hasn't heard from us in forever. much like you, i'm always the one doing the responding. i chalk it up to the fact that my husband has likely been dealing with her over bearing nature for 30 years and its a nice relief for him now that someone else can kinda mediate.

yeah the more you keep pressuring him, he's definitely gonna feel safe enough to open up to you /s yta - leave him alone

1289h33

aita for getting an intoxicated driver off the roads?

hi, i (19,m) am working in a fast food restaurant in the drive thru. a few nights ago i had a very hard time understanding a customers order thru the headset. she gave repeated orders and didn’t make a lot of sense but i eventually got what she wanted and had her pull to the window. when she got to the window i was greeted by a woman in a robe that looked like she was sleeping. i told her the total and without even opening her eyes she started counting her money. it looked like she had her eyes closed and she kept bobbing her head up and down ( like she was falling asleep and kept waking up) it took her more than 10 minutes to count her money ,even though she had big bills (i saw 5s, 10s, and 20s).i also saw she had a pipe in the car so while she was doing that i texted a friend of mine that works in a 911 call center and told her what was going on and she said she would do what she could. so after a few more minutes the driver gave me a 50 and i gave her the change and her order and had her go on her way. the next morning my friend told me that a cop had stopped the lady and she had been arrested on a dui. my coworkers said that i shouldn’t have done it because i didn’t know her story and that i could have ruined her life over a drive thru order, but i said that i wasn’t comfortable leaving someone who can’t count cash be loose on the street driving. i told my brother about this and he agrees with my coworkers but i don’t know, aita?

nta

nta *she* could have ruined someone else’s life by killing them with her car driving in that state.

nta you saved not only that lady's life. but, anyone else who was on the road. besides, do they want to be responsible for family member not going home?

1289i6g

aita for getting mad and shouting at my mom for opening my letters of recommendation?

so i (18m) recently got into an argument with my mom (46f) about her reading a personal essay i wrote for a scholarship, and for reading two letters of recommendation a teacher and my baseball coach who i've known for 6 years wrote me without asking me first. for some backstory, i'm a very private person, even with my family, and i don't really feel comfortable being sensitive/personal with very many people, my parents included. my dad is the same way and doesn't have an issue with this, however my mom is a nosey person who gets frustrated when i don't tell her about everything going on in my life. it's not that i don't love my mom, because i do, there are just some things i want to keep to myself. so now to what actually happened. i'm applying for a scholarship, and some of the things it required were a personal essay about my career/personal goals, and two letters of recommendation. for one of the letters i got a teacher i've had a close relationship with for the past year, and for the other i got our high school baseball coach who i've known for around 6 years. both letters were personal to me, and especially the one from my coach. he wrote about how much he respects my work ethic, my leadership skills, and some more detailed, personal information that i don't really want to share. the point is, it was a sincere letter and i just wanted it to be between me, him, and the scholarship committee. after getting my application together, i was in the basement trying to find an envelope, and i left the letters of recommendation and my personal essay on the dining room table. my mom walked in and saw them sitting there, and knowing what they were decided to sit down and read them. when i came upstairs and saw her reading the letter, i snatched it out of her hand and put the rest of the application in an envelope. then i got mad at her for reading it without asking me, to which she replied "i didn't think it was a big deal and that's why i didn't ask you." i told her that i didn't believe her, and i think she didn't ask me because she knew i would've said no. we went back and forth, and we both raised our voices at each other. eventually i left the room, and i haven't spoken to her since. i understand that it can be frustrating from her perspective that i'm not willing to share as much of my life as i want to with her, however i just feel that my privacy was invaded and that she has no respect for me. i know i can't be wrong for how i feel, however i do feel bad for getting mad and shouting at her. so, aita for yelling at my mom for reading a personal letter of recommendation?

nah

nah. you left the letters and essay in the dining room, which is a public area of the house. sure, your mom should have asked but since they were left out in the open, she likely thought you didn’t mind if anyone read them. if you had put them in your room or someplace private and she had snooped to find them, she would have been completely wrong.

nah. you are entitled to your feelings, but she didn't do anything wrong either. you left it out in a public space and it really wasn't personal information.

1289nkt

aita to want to wait a year to move

i (f20) want to wait a year before moving away and my boyfriend (m23) would like to move in august. me and my boyfriend who i will call f, have been together for over three years. we were planning to move in together this year and i was even looking at apartments and saving for one. we went on a trip to his hometown together in february and we had so much fun but the whole trip was to convince me to move up there with him so he can be closer to his family when they move back. it’s twenty two hours away from my hometown and my whole family. i told him i would be willing to move to the halfway point between the two places or i would be willing to move after a year so i could have my twenty first with family and friends. he said that he’s not willing to compromise. and neither of us are willing to do long distance for personal reasons. so i’m just wondering am i the asshole for not wanting to move so far away.

nta

nta. where you live should be something you both agree on, not something that is solely up to one party in the relationship.

nta i’m a little concerned that he is not willing to compromise. to me that’s a red flag. him trying to showcase his hometown to make you move and his unwillingness to compromise sounds manipulative and controlling. if he’s not willing to compromise on an issue this big imagine what will happen if you do move. you will be isolated from your family and when he pulls this stunt it will leave you vulnerable. try talking to him again and if he still refuses maybe rethink your relationship.

1289pyi

aita for asking my boyfriend to stop chewing with his mouth open?

for some context: i’ve always had an issue with chewing/ high pitched sounds. anything from glassware clicking together to chewing sounds makes me feel extremely uncomfortable to even pissed off, in certain situations. to get around this, i walk around with earplugs (the construction kind) and for the past couple of years switched to airpods. normally, white noise is played 24/7 when i’m around people so i can still enjoy their company without upsetting myself or them. yes, before you ask, i’ve tried “getting over it” but i’ve been this way since i was a child so please understand where i’m coming from. anyways, mere hours ago i was over at my boyfriend’s place to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. while we were eating, he began to obnoxiously chew with his mouth open. (just so we’re on the same page, he is aware of this problem of mine so he’s always mindful of his actions around me. it got to the point where i was conformable taking off my airpods around him so i wasn’t wearing them during this). i gave him a quick side eye but he kept doing it. after the third chew, i politely asked him if he could please stop during it but he just shrugged it off. he had been fine up until this point so i knew he wasn’t in a bad mood or anything but figured i’d still ask him about it. apparently i was right once i did but that still didn’t get him to stop. i opted to reach for my airpods when he grabbed my wrist and said, “what? you rather listen to your music instead of talking to me? really, on our anniversary?” in no way was that my intention, but i had to do something before i became even more uncomfortable. he got pissed once i told him that and claimed “i was making shit up”… not wanting to escalate the situation further, i grabbed my purse and headed for the door. before i closed the door i told him “we’ll talk about his tomorrow once we’ve cleared our heads”. from the other side i could hear him faintly say, “don’t come back”. guessing from his tone, i suppose i shouldn’t be surprised if i wake up to a break up text. i really don’t want to end our relationship over this, i love him too much for that. did i mess everything up? please help. well i have some good and bad news. fair warning that this may be long since i have a lot to get off my chest. first off, i woke up to him knocking on my door but i was a little hesitant to let him in considering what happened yesterday. he kept saying that we should talk this out, face to face. i got where he’s coming from but i still wanted to keep my distance. eventually, i opened the door but asked him to stay outside and that we’ll talk like this. it was going fine, he told me he wasn’t feeling himself lately and needed some time alone. when i asked him why he felt like that he told me, “you wouldn’t understand.” well of course i wouldn’t know if he didn’t tell me, but i’ll listen to find out what’s wrong. that being said, even after being together for 2 years, surely he knows by now i’ll hear him out. whenever something happens, no matter how big or small, i’ll always try and help out with whatever is bothering him. a while back i heard the phrase “do you want a solution or comfort?” and i’ve used it to figure out the best way i can help. this case would have been no different than the others. all those countless other times we talked things through before were thrown down the drain after this… even after questioning his thought process behind all this, he still wouldn’t give a straight answer. our conversation wasn’t going anywhere so i gave him the silent treatment to see if that would make him cough up anything. turn out it did because he claimed it was to “help me out” and “finally be normal”… so, triggering me without reason and hurting our relationship is his way of helping out? as for the normal part, he didn’t have to phrase it like i was some kind of mutant. i understand what i have isn’t “normal” per say but i’ve honestly tried to make it go away. might as well elaborate on my past coping mechanisms… i’ll have to put a potential trigger warning cause some people might be squeamish about this. back when i around 6 or 7, i would try to tell the people around me that certain sounds bugged me, but that fell on deaf ears. they would always claim i was making it up or i’ll grow out of it. clearly i wasn’t lying and no i didn’t grow out of it. i didn’t have anything to block out the noise, so i would dig my nails into my arms or thighs to focus on the pain instead of the sounds. most of them went pretty deep because i still have the scars to this day. i’ve even contemplated ending it all because at least i wouldn’t be able to hear anything anymore. of course, i don’t do anything like that anymore since plugging my ears is my safe haven but still, to be told “you haven’t tried doing shit to fix yourself” hurts more than i thought possible. it stings even more because i’ve had deep conversations with him about this, pouring my heart out on display. now, all of a sudden he wants to “help” and pretend like we haven’t talked about this before? to say i was upset is putting it lightly. i felt completely betrayed and ashamed of myself. sure 2 years isn’t a lot, but i’ve known him for nearly a decade before hand so it isn’t like we’re strangers. we started dating with the mutual understanding of being there for each other and never putting ourselves above one another. at least, that’s what i believed we agreed on. but his actions seem far more hurtful than helpful in this case. being completely drained at this point, i cut it off. i told him we’re done and to please leave my doorstep. he was pissed, full on red. i could see his shoulders were shaking and his gaze was stuck on the floor. before i could even realize what was happening, he slapped the fuck out of me and left without a word. the concerned face i had on before completely broke after this. i was hurting, not because of the slap but from the fact he never once apologized. not even a simple “i’m sorry” or “we could work this out”. now i’m currently in my living room with a cold plate of pancakes in front of me. trying to think everything over. i’m sorry for ranting, but i haven’t told my friends about this yet so you guys are the only ones i can talk to. if there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes, my apologies.

nta

nta i think knowing it bugs the fuck out of you & continuing to do it qualifies as asshole territory. look up misophonia. gettin pissed off at noises really is a thing. imagine my surprise when i found this out!

i’m going nta. look i’m the same way i can’t stand people chewing with their mouth open, it’s a gross sound. i would’ve been upset too. the moment he grabbed your wrist was the red flag for me. that is not okay. if i were you i’d ask him what stick was shoved up his ass for him to behave that way and to never and i mean never grab you again. frankly id end it. you can love him all you want but it seems he doesn’t respect you and respect is very much needed in a relationship.

1289u7f

aita for yelling at my husband after he put me on blast in front of his parents?

so i (39f) just had spinal surgery. i have some pretty serious restrictions during recovery. the big ones are that i can't lift anything over 10 lbs and i can't bend over for the next month. my husband(40m)'s parents(~70) came cross country to help us take care of our kids(4.5 yo & 10 mo) while i'm healing. we don't have any friends or family nearby and the inlaws are available. my mil can be really helpful but she's also really spacey and dismissive of our household "rules" typically i prefer to have a few days with mil to show her the ropes before handing things over. and even after "initiation" i still find her feeding my son cake for breakfast or letting him use permanent markers over the carpet so i keep an eye on her. well, this time i am not able to do that so i asked my husband to take off the first few days post surgery to help me with stuff i need and to ease his mom into things with the kids. i'm also really tired of being the "bad guy" with mil and would really prefer it if he could do more of the limit setting. he knows this. today, day 2 post-op, i am able to be up a bit more and each time i find my husband is no where to be found while mil is doing all the work with baby and 4yo is running wild. anyway, i went to lay down and rest. i was down for maybe 20 min and all i hear is the baby crying. so i get out of bed to see what's up. mil is trying to soothe the teething baby by... tossing her into the air and yelling woo! into her face really loudly? and my husband is playing video games in the basement... again. so i go down and tell him that the baby has been crying for a while. i reminded him that he's supposed to be in charge of helping his parents take care of the kids, that he should be upstairs with them. he got upset that i was pulling him away from his video game and i told him he could do what he wanted after the baby went to bed in an hour. so he comes upstairs. between when i went down to talk to him and when we came upstairs mil gave the baby a teething ring and baby calmed down. my husband turns to me, right in front of his mom and says "well it looks like she's calm now." i shoot him dagger eyes trying to cut him off. but he continued "and she doesn't seem like she's been crying for half an hour." now i'm pissed. i tell him we need to chat in the bedroom. i lost it. i was yelling at him pretty loudly, asking him why he would put me on the spot like that? that i was trying to be discrete and had explained to him what i wanted from him while we were alone. i yelled that i was pissed because... he was taking his anger out on me because i took him away from his video game to care for the baby... and he got petty making me look like an asshole in front of his mom. that i'm supposed to be in bed but i'm having to micromanage a husband who thinks he's on vacay now that mom is here to take care of everything. so? aita?

nta

nta your husband is ta. you know this. it’s his job to mediate with his parents. at minimum.

shoot, discretion is lovely, but next time just agree with him - “you’re right, your help is not needed, so why don’t you go back to work.” yikes. nta. sorry your home is filled with so many people in need of supervision.

1289xkl

wibta if i confronted my sister about her 2 year old in my room?

i came back from a game at 9:30 ish. i ate fruit, played with my baby niece so my sister could eat, and headed upstairs. i got to my room and it felt like someone had been in there. well i walk toward my bed and saw my container of blue glitter was spilled. two of my markers were left uncapped. glitter in my crocs, towel, and none left in the container. to be fair it wasn’t that big but it’s glitter, it gets everywhere. there was streaks of the markers on our new wooden floors (done less than a month ago) i called my mom upstairs and my sister came with. i showed them and my sister is straight “😦😬”. she said that must’ve been where he got marker on his hands cause she had to clean it off earlier. - would you not want to know where and with what your kid drew on themselves with?? my nephew, who’s with his dad since like 8 pm i think, has gone into my room before but he’s usually trying to play with my cat, take a cookie or two from my snacks, or just play with one of my many stuffed animals. i don’t really have a problem with him in there but it happens too often. it just makes no sense to me how he could’ve been in my room long enough to do all this and my sister not notice. she has a habit of being on her phone while she’s supposed to be watching her two kids and me and my mom usually take over. i ended up vacuuming and cleaning the marker (they’re semi-permanent so im glad they came off) while she just went back downstairs without a sorry or anything. so wibta if i asked her why he was in my room alone without her knowing and if she was even watching him? extra info: - i have markers, paints, clay and other craft stuff because i get bored and like to explore new stuff so this is why i had my glitter and markers out. - my door does have a lock but its only inside and it’s the door knob that just has a little hole outside. - my sister and her two kids (2 yr old, and 4ish month) live with us as she is the co-signer on the house but doesn’t work or pay bills. she just stays home and takes care of the kids (she was military) edit 1: to clarify, i don’t have the supplies just laying around in the open, they’re in a big bin on my second desk. i am looking at locking door knobs online if anyone has any suggestions haha.

nta

nta. get a real lock for your door.

nta when one of my younger sisters was around 2, she would go into my older sister’s rooms all the time. my mom put a sliding lock on the top of the door that kept the younger one out for a few years - until she started climbing the doorframe.

128a5ai

aita for wanting my fiancés sons mother to keep him when he’s sick?

when covid hit we had just had our newborn baby girl. it was terrifying so we came to the agreement that if their house was sick that she would keep their son so it wouldn’t be passed back and forth and vs versa. recently when he’s sick at our house she has us keep him the entire time so they don’t get sick. but if he’s sick at their house she sends him back to us sick. fast forward three years, we now have our son who has febrile seizures when sick. the doctors have told us that they don’t cause damage but it’s scary enough to want to avoid it at all costs. this week she informed us that my step son had been puking and stayed home from school. we split the week in half and typically pick him up on wednesday-friday. wednesday morning comes and she tells us that he has the shits but she’s sending him to school anyways and doesn’t give us an option. which brings us to friday night. simultaneously myself, our 1 year old and 3 year old are all puking. ever since covid restrictions have lifted she has been pushing boundaries and i want to freak out on her. she knew we would all get sick and still sent him. when i brought this up to her yesterday she pretty much told me if i didn’t like it she could keep him full time and take my fiancé to court. she said that because i’m a stay at home mom i should take him because she has to work. i just don’t see how her having to work is my problem. my children are my priority and i think her children should be too. am i the asshole for wanting her to keep her son to take care of him when he’s sick?!

esh

esh. your fiance is a father. he has to be a father to all his kids which means he doesn't get to not take care of his son just because he is sick. so i agree with your future stepson's mother that if your fiance doesn't want to have his son when he is sick than she should get full time custody. if you want shared custody than you have share all the responsibilities. even taking a care of a sick child. i get it your bio kids are your priority. so please don't respond back you love him just as much as you love them because you would never tell someone else to keep your bio kids if one of them was sick. if the roles were reverse and you shared custody of one of your children with your ex. would you be ok with your fiance telling you that your kid should stay with their father when they are sick rather than coming to your house during your normal custody time. however your future stepson mom suck for saying that you should have to keep her son just because you are a sahm. her son isn't your responsibility. her son is her and your fiance's responsibility. so it should be your fiance and his ex's responsibility to take care of their child when he is sick.

esh your fiance, and now you by extension because you share a household, are responsible for having his child at your home during his parenting time regardless of whether its inconvenient to have a sick child bring illness to your home. you don't get to only parent him while healthy because that isn't parenting, that is just socializing. suck it up, your oldest biological kid will bring germs home to your youngest biological kid, so practice getting used to it with your step kid. she isn't entitled to extra benefits of her ex having a sahm fiancee because she isn't married to you and she is responsible for caring for this child during her parenting time. cuts both ways.

128adbr

aita for asking my roommate to do the dishes and pointingout i'm paying all the bills?

hello, let me first of all set the scene, about four years ago a friend and i agreed it would be financially beneficial to both of us if we shared an apartment. fast forward two years and they get ill and gave to quit their job due to their physical and mental health. so the past two years i've been covering everything. rent, renters insurance, utilities, groceries and all other small expenses. this has put a major financial strain on me due to having to do all that.my roommate is now doing better but hasn't attempted to look for a job nor do they help with household chores other than washing the plates, bowls and silverware they dirty and cook. all other dishes i dirty and any pots, pans, cooking utensils, etc i have to wash. yet they assert that i am an asshole for pointing out they don't have a job and they they aren't helping with rent. they then try to say i wouldn't be struggling so much if i was better with my finances. which is true as i tend to splurge on unnecessary things such as soda or video games from time to time. but i feel like i have no control anymore. i've essentially stopped playing multiplayer games even though i prefer them because they constantly complained that multiplayer games are the only things i play. i cut contacts with people i socialized with for the most part because they find the community "weird" and doesn't want them coming over even after i've asserted the fact i would never invite them over anyway. and when i got a new job because it offered better pay and benefits, they said i don't deserve it because i have only been working since i was 21 in comparison to them having their first part time job at 15. (they're in their mid 30s now. i'm in my late 20s) i'm now at a point where i'm questioning if they're right and i hate that because a part of me is saying "no, you worked hard to get the experience in your field, don't let them tell you what you're worth." but then when i ask them to do something as simple as doing the dishes from time to time instead of it just being me, they always try to make the point that i'm being mean and lazy... am i the asshole?

nta

nta. you are in an abusive roommate situation. you need to get out as soon as you can and break relationship with this toxic freeloader.

nta….you’ve done enough for this person. “i was so concerned about you when you weren’t feeling well. now that you’re feeling a bit better, we should talk splitting the bills again.” good luck.

128ahp5

aita for saying our son asked for dessert when i suggested it?

my husband doesn’t like to give our son dessert everyday because our son has bad cavities (he’s 6). our son used to have sweets frequently and i like sweets. i took my son to dinner one day when my husband was busy and i suggested dessert on our way home. our son liked the idea. when we came home, i told my husband that we had dessert because my son asked for it. my husband later found out from our son that i suggested it. i don’t think it’s any different, but my husband is saying i’m putting this on our son. aita?

yta

yta - you an adult, threw your 6 year old son under the bus for having sweets when it was your idea. that type of attitude will break both their trust in you. - your sons dental hygiene should matter more to you than sweets. - is your son brushing his teeth after meals and desserts? - if your sons mouth is full of cavities by the time he’s six, that tells me you’re doing nothing to help him

yta. for one, you acted like a coward blaming your kid instead of taking ownership like an adult. for two, it sounds like you're not taking your child's dental health seriously.

128avh9

aita for yelling at my mom for doing my chores?

my siblings and i are all in our early 20s living at home. we all have our separate chores we do in order to contribute to the household. i clean the kitchen, my brother does the dishes, and my sister clears the drainboard. this system has worked perfectly fine for our entire lives. a couple months ago my mom started yelling at us that we “don’t care enough” about the household because we don’t put enough care into doing chores. not that we don’t do a good job, but simply that we don’t do it happily. she said it’s not fair that one person gets stuck with one task and has to do all of it, even though our work is split evenly. none of us have expressed a problem with our specific roles. she also started cleaning the kitchen for me before i can make it downstairs, and then gets mad at me for not knowing she was doing it and not helping. i would be grateful that she is helping, but all she really does it for is to hold it over our heads. her “help” always comes with a lot of guilt tripping. today i had long meetings past my work time, and when i went downstairs to clean she was washing the dishes and had cleaned the kitchen. she got mad at me for not doing my brothers dishes for him. i texted my brother and asked if washing the dishes had become too much for him, and he said he had no problem with it. my dad mocked me when i was going back upstairs and went “but mom, it’s not our job to clean” even though me or my siblings have never had a problem or complained about having to do our part. i ended up snapping at them and saying that i don’t see the help as a kind gesture but just a way to make us feel guilty and that it irritates me any time she tries to help us. now i feel like shit, but i honestly don’t know what she wants anymore. also, moving out is not an option right now due to financial reasons.

nta

i mean if you're all in your early 20s or at least over 18 you could all move out at the same time together and split rent. nta regardless. it seems like you have a cleaning system down and that's the hardest part of living alone honestly. that and feeding yourself.

no you're nta. if you all have always contributed to your chores without complaint and now she's acting like this for whatever reason it sounds like she's snapped and there's something bigger going on, or it's just a power move to hold over your heads.

128aw1i

aita for what i did to my mother?

if you check my account you'll see that this is basically a copy and paste of a post i submitted in another sub reddit, but i just need to know what i did wrong i feel like a terrible child. this just happened and i don't know how to feel, i feel guilty for being sad about this stupid little thing. but i do, and i just want other people to help me i(14) and my friend (15) went to a school show earlier tonight. i asked my mom yesterday night if we could go, she said yes and that she might be able to drive me depending on the time. the morning of the show i told her the time (7pm) she said she couldn't take me cause she had a dance class i said okay and that i would see if my friend's mom could take me, she said yes. not even 5 minutes from finding out my mom texted me saying that she'd canceled her class and would take me. i thanked her. i got home, when it was time to go to the show she said how much are the tickets. i said "$10" she said she couldn't understand me so i then said "it's okay though, my friend said he'd pay for my ticket she just said okay and told me to go to the car while she got ready, i could tell she was annoyed but i didn't know why, i still don't really know why while in the car she asked again how much were the tickets i said "it's okay, [blank] is paying for my tickets" she then said "so i can't go? am i just your f*cking chauffeur!?' i was confused and didn't really said anything, i kind of muttered out a no and stared at the floor. she kinda sighed and asked me why i was being all mopey and acting pitiful, she does this everytime i'm upset with her yelling, i hate yelling i said i didn't know she wanted to go, and i think that made her more mad. she asked me "really? with all the questions and you couldn't figure out if i wanted to go??" i said "you didn't tell me, i really didn't know" we just kind of sat in silence after that until we got to the school my friend got me in a good mood and i was happy when i got home, it was late so i sat down to eat with my mom. i missed the first part of what she said but the next part was about me having to watch my god brothers tomorrow and no tablet i asked why, she said "really? you can't think of a single reason?" i said i texted her saying i planned on cleaning my room after dinner she said it sas also because of my attitude problem i'm so sorry if this is just a rant, but i feel so bad for making her mad but don't know what i did i hate babysitting, all im able to do is draw on my tablet right now because it's too cold to swim i just want to draw, and spend time with my friend i never wanted to make her mad

nta

oh gosh you are nta. your mom expected you to be psychic and on top of that who crashes’ their teenager’s night out like that. your mom is being a jerk

nta. you just a kid who did not read between the lines. sometimes people just need to say things instead of making others guess. a hug, kiss and maybe "sorry we misunderstood each other" may go a long way in this situation.

128b335

aita for snapping at my mom?

my mom (45f) asked for some of my (18f) anxiety medicine. i snapped at her because she always takes stuff from me, medicine, or money. then she made me feel horrible tearing up and saying that everyones been really mean to her lately. she has drama going on right now because she owes people money. i feel really bad now and i don’t know whether or not i am in the wrong.

nta

nta. prescription meds aren't meant to be shared, that's not how it works. your mother needs to take ownership of her mental health by seeing a doctor. this is your medication, prescribed to you for a reason. her doctor/therapist can figure out what works best for her.

nta. get out of there asap. your mother should not be trying to mooch your prescribed medications off of you. or taking anything from you because she “owes people money”. you are not her personal bank or pharmacy. buy some lockboxes or a safe or anything to keep your stuff away from her.

128bgln

aita for refusing to babysit my nephew?

i (21f) recently babysat my nephew. his parents are very involved in their religious community, and run fundraisers to send food to disadvantaged families in our home country. recently, they had a fundraiser and needed someone to take care of him since they would be very busy. they did not ask me to babysit him and instead assumed i was going to do so. this was unexpected since i am a full time college student and i work part time, but luckily i was free that night so i didn’t say anything. i was initially told i was going to take care of him for seven hours max, but the event ran very late and ended up taking care of him for twelve hours. i do not mind taking care of my nephew, but they never told me the event would run late, i had to text them constantly in order to get an answer. my nephew goes to bed very late, and he’s too young to be left alone. i was already tired because i had trouble sleeping and i was falling asleep by the time they got back. they didn’t even say thank you. they have another fundraiser soon and (again) assumed i’d take care of him. i refused because of what happened the last time and now they’re calling me selfish. aita?

nta

nta. you don't owe them child care.

nta. you're not obligated to babysit your nephew even if his parents were respectful of you, your time, and their own kid. ps- anyone else see a problem with the parents being so invested in their religious fundraiser that they neglect their own kid by not checking in with the babysitter and leaving him for 5 extra hours without asking?

128bio4

aita for not cooking a meal for a coworker?

so i 31(m) have a problem at my job and its divided on rather or not im an asshole. the problem is one of my coworkers who ill call z. z thinks im an ass for not cooking a full meal for her. the whole thing started cause i let another coworker g try some of my lunch that i had cooked. since z and all my other coworkers found out i cook they usually ask me what ive brought for lunch/eating that day. i”ll usually tell em what i made and give em the recipe if they ask for it. z will usually make comments about how she doesnt want to try my food she wants me to make a full meal for her. i though z was just playing around with comments but when z saw g trying my food she got pissed. z started saying and telling everyone that im being mean to her and i wont let her try my food. that im dont care about anyone at the job and that im egotistical ass thats only looking for compliments. i tried telling z that she could have tried my food at any time but she made the comment about wanting full meals from me again. i told z i wasnt going to do that for someone who doesnt even know if they like my cooking and im not going to let her try anything i make if she acts this entitled. a couple coworkers think i was an ass for making a comment like that to z. while others think i should just have said yeah and made her something in order to keep the peace. *edit for extra info that ive seen asked a couple times. why would my coworkers support z in order to keep the peace? we’re so understaffed at this job that people can just decide to take a week off without asking for it and wont get fired or written up or suspended. they want to keep the peace so no one else leaves. z has more than once left the work when someone wasnt managing or supervising the way she wants it done. she refuse to be in either if those roles though. why does is anyone angry about this? i think z might have a crush on me or at the very least not used to someone telling her no/has a jealousy. problem.she hsa told me more than once its not okay for me to joke around talk with everyone that works there.

nta

nta. z is crazy. your coworkers are also imsane to think othetwise

nta. it's not your job to make her meals. she's being incredibly rude and entitled, both for expecting you to make her lunch, and for getting angry at you because you didn't do it.

128bo3l

aita, i made a joke, hurt my boyfriend's feelings and he won't trust me anymore

hey reddit today my bf (27m) confessed he's addicted to porn. he was embarrassed, scared of what i would think and he said he was thinking about telling me this for months. i was very understanding and i didn't take it as a big deal and this relieved him. we even joked a little. tonight he was back from work in a very good mood we were joking and i wanted to ask him about this. i wanted to normalize it, make it easy to talk so i made a joke calling him "porn addict". i feel terrible because he was deeply hurt, very angry, and he told me i betrayed his trust, i made fun of him and he would never forgive me in this life. he didn't end the relationship because he said other things were good about me but that he doesn't love me anymore because i'm a big asshole. i told him i'll work hard to earn his trust again. i feel deeply sorry, i regret the f joke. i wish i never said it. but at the same time i don't understand, was i so wrong? i didn't mean to hurt him, never. i want to take care of him and i love him with all my heart, it was a mistake. i never thought it would hurt him so badly please help me understand the situation better. i may be the biggest asshole, and i'll accept it but i think he overreacted a little i don't know what will happen he went to sleep in another room for tonight :(

esh

esh. it was a sensitive topic and you made a joke of it. that was wrong no matter how you try to justify it. he said he doesn't love you anymore but is not breaking up with you ??? that sounds like drama and/or manipulation. he sure does have you doing everything you can to please him now. you need to be careful that he isn't just trying to manipulate you.

esh. no you shouldn't have made a joke of labeling him with something he's deeply embarrassed about, but if he can't see past it and says he "doesn't love you anymore" and will "never forgive you in this life" then he doesn't deserve your love. it's manipulative for him to throw all that at you, and yes, a big overreaction on his part. if he doesn't come to see that and apologize (as you did for what you said), don't stick around and keep "working hard to earn his trust."

128bynp

aita for not wanting my in laws to stay over this christmas?

so me f(20) and my bf (21) just moved to oregon from cali. his parents still live there and we moved out of their home. i had my 9 month old son there during the duration of my stay and that’s where the problem is rooted. during my pregnancy they were fairly rude and inconsiderate. we paid rent but an example i can give is during my 3rd trimester i tried to take a bath once to soothe my back and hips from pain and his dad made it an argument calling us irresponsible and immature because once we move we won’t be able to have the same freedom (which we do). once i had my son it became worse with his moms passive aggressive comments never directly to me but of course it was for me. she’d make sarcastic comments talking to my son that “he’s so hungry poor baby they’re not feeding you”, when i just fed him and handed him to her to make myself food. that’s when he started solids which he was just super fussy during and not so into it. me and his dad got into it a few times after he said he doesn’t trust us taking care of my son and that a baby crying that much isn’t normal. normally with these comments i would just ignore. but this time i got irritated at the nerve he had. another time i left my son with them briefly so we can look at furniture. they told me they fed him beans to which i had been avoiding because it’d make him really gassy and it’d just suck the next couple hours. i told his dad next time before you give him anything please tell me as i was actually going to give him something right after he came back. he said well it doesn’t matter since you’re leaving anyway. that wasn’t my point. anywho, they’re asking if they should come this spring or summer. i’m pregnant again and they don’t know. i’ve been happier this pregnancy with my own freedom and no negativity. i know my bf misses them, and we agreed they can come christmas after i have my son, to avoid negative opinions during my pregnancy. they want to stay with us as that’s what they usually do when they visit relatives. i don’t want them to stay with us i don’t even care if i see them or not but i don’t want them in my home to watch and judge me as a mother. not only that but they can’t hold their tongue for their life. am i an asshole for telling my bf i don’t want them staying. i basically made the decision myself that they will not be staying with us.

nta

nta - you deserve to have peace of mind in your house. they sound absolutely infuriating. their job is to help you, not nitpick every single thing you do. sounds like moving away from them was actually a great choice to actually be able to maintain the relationship in the long run... but like... where is your boyfriend during this nitpicking? does he let them talk to you like that? or is he standing up for you and taking your side?

nta for not wanting them to stay with you. i really hope that your partner hasn’t been around for the snide comments. if so, and he’s not standing up for you, he’s totally the ah. he needs to address their behavior with his parents before they visit whether they stay with you or not.

128c3k8

aita for not paying my friend's bottle deposit?

aita i’ve got a huge credit on my grocery store account. maybe more than i could use up in years. meanwhile, my best friend of over 20 years says he’s having financial difficulties. i proposed a simple solution to both problems: he could purchase his groceries using my grocery credit, and pay me cash, at the rate of 80 cents on the dollar. he gets his groceries at 20% off, and i get to exchange some of my credit for cash. this worked out fine for several shopping trips over the course of several weeks, without any issues. until one week, soft drinks were on sale, and he decided to stock up. the sale price, plus the 20% discount, made them the lowest price anybody had seen around here in quite some time! he put four 12 packs in the cart. 48 cans of coke and coke products! here’s the problem: we live in michigan, where each can comes with a 10 cent deposit. you pay the deposit when you buy the soda, and you get your dime back when you return the empty can to the store. so naturally, i said “so, how are we going to handle the $4.80 deposit?” his position was i should pay the deposit, or at least 80% of it, using my store credit; and he should get the $4.80 deposit back, when returning the cans. (evidently, i had let this slide on previous shopping trips, on smaller soda purchases, and that therefore, i was “changing the deal”. while i maintain that even if bottle deposits had been included in our previous dealings, i’m certainly allowed to “change the deal” on higher volume purchases. and that he should pray that i do not alter it further…) anyway, my 50-something friend threw a tantrum in the store, not only putting the 4 cases back on the shelf, but wheeling the cart back through the store and putting back all the other grocery items he was going to purchase. and declaring that if i wanted to do the deal in the future, he demanded a 50% discount. then my friend of 20+ years proceeded to tell me to go fuck myself, and to shove all 48 cans of soda up my ass. (no clarification as to whether i could take them out of the packaging first.) so, i put it to you, esteemed jury of my reddit peers: aita?

nta

nta, it sounds like your friend was trying to take advantage of you. i can’t imagine why you would pay for the extra charge and he should get the deposit back, on top of 20% discount he was already getting.

nta. this does fall under “never loaning money to a friend”.

128c55r

aita for going to a famous girl's house without being explicit about it with my girlfriend? (i know how this will probably sound and go)

i (m36) and the pornstar (f27) named donna in question are livestreamers; (36f) marie is the the love of my life, names redacted. i found donna about a month into my last breakup; pretty girl, does the bs hot tub streams and stuff. i have never considered caring about her sexually and have just been involved in chat with the mods and regulars enjoying my day making legit friends with people there and laughing about dumb shit. it became my only outlet for conversation after absolutely burying myself into a hole for that amount of time. come february i have a girlfriend. doctor, gorgeous, incredibly fun to be around, bubbly, just made me feel like the luckiest man alive. i couldn't imagine ever leaving her and have said as such about 3 months in; i loved her and she was my world. unfortunately, i may have missed the mark on telegraphing that. i was on donnas stream just chatting with the crew like normal, donna says she doesn't have any irl friends and that makes her sad. i knew she lived like 40 mins away and i was like "i'll be your irl friend if you need one". figuring since they all know about my gf and i just wanted to smoke and watch youtube videos, i got over there, smoked and watched youtube videos. donna fell asleep on her couch within the first half hour, i chilled with z and a just joking around about chat and shit. i left by 9pm, called the gf and chatted with her telling her i hung out with my friends donna a and z. little did i know, this was an absolutely costly error. marie calls me in the morning absolutely furious that i went to a pornstar's house while she was out of town. she watched my stream with a clear title about who i was with and that we are done. i told her i would leave and the next day i didn't; these are people i've come to know and love for 9 months while i was at my worst. hard to say goodbye, so sue me. 3 weeks later we are still talking, she tells me every single day we are never getting back together, i am trying every play in the book to change her mind but she wants no part of that clearly, tells me to go back into donna's channel if i want, it doesn't matter to her, etc. fast forward 4 weeks (today), i am still calling/texting her hoping to god she changes her mind, i have deleted donna from my lifestyle and have moved on hoping she would want to move on with me although now it has been a month of "i never want to get back together with you, we are friends". fine, so be it. i hop into donna's alternate acct's chat and ask her to go to a bar before she moves to state x in chat and she says idk. 5 mins later i get a screenshot with that exact message and backdrop, saying i'm blocked on everything. i love marie, have always thought she was my world and the fact that that feeling was compromised destroys me every day even though considering intent i can show there absolutely was none with donna, and it's indisputable. am aita for having a streamer friend who happens to be a girl and does porn on the side?

yta

yta- not because you have a friend who is a pornstar streamer, but because it was clear that you were never upfront with marie about it from the get-go. if there was never anything with donna, why didn't you have marie meet donna? explain to marie that she is just a friend, that you livestream with her but there is nothing going on and you want to show her that. words are cheap. people lie constantly, but if you were upfront from the beginning and showed her there was nothing to worry about, then you wouldn't be in this mess.

of course yta. you didn't tell your girlfriend and went over to another woman's house to hang out and smoke? if you were out of town and marie was like "oh i've come to grow and love this streamer i've been following online and he happens to be a pornstar too, and i'm just gonna go to his house and hang out", you'd be cool with it too?

128cbz0

aita for not pressuring our daughter into hanging out with her cousin at family gatherings?

my wife got pregnant less than two months after my sister. themselves and really the whole family are very close, so everybody was thrilled, especially my sister and i's parents, since they were their first grandkids. everything went well for both of them thankfully, and since we live close to eachother we were hopefull the kids would get along well. the kids in question are my daughter, and my nephew, both of whom are 14 with my nephew being a month older. of course the first year or so they didn't do much except stare at eachother when they saw one another, but once the toddler stage started they were good friends. that sort of started to taper off though once they were both 7ish. my nephew is a great kid keep in mind, but he and my daughter have very clashing personalities. my daughter is more quiet and likes to read and game, he's louder (not like he shouts he just has a loud baseline voice like his dad) and is more into sports and outdoorsy stuff. my daughter has never claimed to dislike him, but these past couple years has basically explained to us that they'd never hang out if they weren't related. we really realized it once covid started to let up, they hadn't seen eachother for nearly a year. he was all exited to see everyone, my daughter included, she wasn't dreading it, but wasn't jumping for joy either. since then she doesn't actively avoid him at family stuff, she just prefers to talk to my brother and other sister (they're the classic fun aunt and uncle). my nephew doesn't bother her or anyone else about it, but is hurt, since the next oldest person in his family is my bil's neice, who's five. our daughter knows he's hurt, but doesn't really want to fix that, which i don't blame her for, it's not her concern. the thing is my sister thinks she's doing it on purpose because she doesn't like him, and says you should spend time with family no matter what. my wife is backing me, but i'm worried we might be encouraging our daughter to be cold to an uneccessary extent.

nta

nta. she’s not being mean to him or calling him names, she just doesn’t want to spend her time with him and that’s absolutely fine. you’re definitely doing the right thing by not pressuring her into spending time with him. she’d only end up resenting you if you did that

nta: i’m not sure what your sister expects you to do- force these children to have fun together? how does she think you should go about that? it’s not like they’re fighting and you’d need to break them apart… and you haven’t stopped bringing your daughter to family events- they just don’t mesh together right now. it may change as they get older.

128cfwa

aita for not correcting my child when they call their stepdad “(his name)dad”

i posted this story in a different subreddit but was called an asshole. i don’t think i’m the asshole here, so i’m bringing it to the experts on assholes. i (26f) have a child(6) from a previous relationship who i split custody with. i married my current husband (26m) when my child was 2 years old. my child has always gotten along with my husband very well. up until recently, my child called my husband by his name. for the story i’ll say my husband’s name is john. i got pregnant with my baby last year and while i was pregnant, my 6 year old expressed that they wished to call my husband “dad”. i refer to my child’s father as “dad” when speaking about him to them so i suggested a different nickname and we settled on “johnny-dad”. we have had the stepdad talk since they were 3, and have continued to have conversations that child’s dad is dad and my husband is stepdad. now for the issue. we were on the phone with my child while they were at their dad’s house and my child referred to my husband as johnny-dad. my child’s father overheard and after the phone call he texted me angrily asking why i didn’t correct them and why we were letting my child call my husband dad. i explained the situation and the conversation was dropped. things were tense and then when my child came back to our house, we saw their father talking to them by his car and then when my child came in the house they were visibly upset and acting moody the entire day but wouldn’t talk about it. that same night my husband was playing toys with them before bed and my child told my husband “you’re not my parent”. while i understand it must be difficult to have heard what my child said calling my husband “johnny-dad”, i don’t think it was right to berate my child for having a loving, trusting child-parent relationship with their step parent. if the situation were reversed or if my child’s father was married and my child had a great relationship with his wife i wouldn’t be upset my child is calling her “mama rachel” or something. i wouldn’t even be upset if my child called a step mother “mom”. i honestly don’t even feel like it would be my place to dictate what my child calls someone in their life. i don’t think i’m the asshole here, but what do you think? aita for not correcting my child? some additional context: me and my ex were never married, we broke up while i was pregnant with our child. my husband and i never force or even persuade my child to call my husband dad and i still refer to him as “john” when talking to them. the reason i think my child brought this up is because of me being pregnant because before this all happened, my child asked us what baby would call my husband and we explained that baby would say dad.

nta

nta the more love a kid has, the better. if he loves your husband enough to bestow the title "dad" on him, that means the relationship is a good one. your ex is just jealous and putting your kid in the middle of this like he did is some piss-poor parenting. i called my first stepfather "dad" and my bio father didn't have any issue with it. because it's not something rational and well-balanced people get mad about.

nta, but your ex sure is. the compromise name you came up with was honestly a thoughtful way to fill your child's desire to call his stepfather "dad" while respecting and honoring the unique and important role that his father has. having multiple loving parents is a blessing, and your ex needs to put this child before his pride.

128cko0

aita for finally learning to think for myself?

i am a 17 year old female my bf is a 17 year old male (who happens to be black.) my mom's like super racist. and untill a few years ago before a lot of therapy i was too. i was raised to believe anyone who wasnt white was "dirty" or "inferior" believe me i know how bad it is it took me a long time and lots of therapy to understand my mother's reality wasn't reality and then i fell in love with my bf. he's had a crush on me since elementary school, but me, desperately needing my mother's approval avoided dating anyone she deemed unworthy. but he always tells me i'm pretty and i'm so happy when i'm around him and i just want to give him the world. we've been together for several months now but i've been hiding it for my mom as you can imagine how shed feel my bf is well aware of my history and commends me on working so hard to change my point of view. and i love him with all of my heart. my mom's racist skinhead boyfriend saw us on my snapchat story and showed my mother who called me a dirty whore and some racist vile things like n-lover and some other stuff i can't bring myself to type. i just feel like no matter what she does i still have an obligation as her daughter to listen to her. am i the asshole for dating a person of color even though i knew what it would do to my mom or is my mom the asshole for refusing to let go of this ignorant midevil mindset to see me happy sidenote am i some kinda sociopath for not being that upset that my mom said all that to me?

nta

nta, your mother is saying so many racist and horrible things. there is absolutely nothing wrong with learning to think for yourself and becoming a better person. i wish you and your boyfriend nothing but the best.

nta you have developed empathy and compassion. perhaps your mother should try some of that too. you are the problem your racist mother is. i hope you don't still have to live with her? good for you for being willing to change your views and learn more about other people.

128czyw

wibta if i banned my mil from spending alone time with my kids because of what she said to my stepdaughter?

a little background, my husband and i (both 34) have two kids, axel (6m) and daughter (ashley 10f). ashley is not my bio daughter; she is my husband's from his previous relationship. her bio mother (mina) unfortunately died on the day ashley was born. however, i have known ashley since she was a little under 2 and we have always had a good relationship. she calls me mom and her late mother mommy whenever we talk about her. to clear things up, i adopted ashley when my husband and i got married because of many reasons unrelated to this post but it was a decision all three of us made unanimously and are very happy with. this means if my husband and i were to divorce or anything were to happen to him, ashley would still be my daughter and i would still be obliged to take care of her. my mil is not happy with this at all. she has always been an absolute nightmare about it and made hurtful comments every chance she gets. according to my sil and bil, she was looking forward to my husband and mina's wedding and is still sad about mina's death. she doesn't think anyone could ever be good enough to be ashley's stepmom let alone adopt her. it all came to a head last night. mil and fil were over for dinner. i had just brought dessert out when mil gave a cookie box to ashley and said "give this to your mom". so ashley brought it to me. mil then corrected her and said, "that's your dad's wife, not your mom. the one who takes care of you is your mom." she also gave my son a chocolate box with similar instructions. the kids were confused but i knew she was talking about their part time nanny. i work from home and sometimes i get to spend the whole day with them but other times my schedule is crazy so my nanny steps in to pick them from school and take care of them on my crazy schedule days. i asked my mil what she meant by that and she said with my logic, a mother is a person who takes care of you. so since i think it's okay for ashley to call me mom, it's hypocritical if i don't think both ashley and axel can call the nanny mom. my husband told her she was being disrespectful. fil excused himself and they both left early so the argument didn't escalate but after thinking about it, i'm worried what kind of things mil might tell the kids in private, especially ashley who has always known she is not my bio daughter. they spend every other saturday with their grandparents and so mil would have plenty of time to mess with their minds. my husband is going to talk to her tomorrow since he couldn't say much with the kids in the room but i think this time mil crossed a major line and should not be allowed to spend time with them unmonitored. so wibta if i enforced this rule? eta: fil doesn't always agree with mil but he never voices his opinion so i don't think his presence counts as "monitored"

nta

nta whatsoever. limit contact between mil and your kids — zero contact even — because she has proven herself to be hateful in public. she’d be a lot worse in private. her behaviour is totally out of line. encouraging the children to see the nanny as their mom is beyond bizarre and inappropriate. she’s encouraging them not to see you as their mom, much less any sort of authority figure. nip it in the bud, op.

nta - i wouldn’t be letting my kids spend time with anyone who said crap like! god only knows what she says behind your back if she’s brave enough to say it in front of your face!! nothing will bring back ashley’s bio mom, the way she’s treating you is atrocious and leaving ashley confused and pretty much telling her she isn’t allowed a mom because hers died!

128djvx

aita for wanting to kick my cousin out of my apartment?

i (f27) live alone in a two bedroom apartment. my cousin (f28), who i've never met before and didn't even know existed, decided to visit the country we live in and now is thinking about staying permanently. my parents are remodeling their house, so my mom manipulated me into letting her stay at my place by saying she has nowhere else to go if i didn't agree. i decided to go back to school full-time because if i get more training in my field, i can double my income and buy a house without anyone's help. i cut back on working and can barely afford to take care of myself. i've paid for everything for my cousin who doesn't work or uses her own money. my parents aren't helping and expect me to pay because i have a "good" job. i use hello fresh to save time on my meals. my cousin just threw out almost 3 weeks' worth of food while i was at work. she refuses to use the dishwasher and uses a lot of water to wash 3 things and breaks my dishes. she reorganizes and moves things when i'm gone. i charge my laptop overnight in the dining room because she is staying in my office. she keeps plugging out my laptop. i pay for groceries so she can eat what she wants, and she keeps trying to force feed me her food. i've talked to my mom about it, and she keeps making excuses for her. now, i'm stuck in this situation and stressed. i just got a second job to afford all of this. i graduate next year and i'm moving, it's only been a month, i don't think i can do a year.

nta

nta. this is appalling. your mother is treating you very poorly and has no intention of listening to you. you need to get her out of there as soon as possible. be firm about this. it's not your problem where she goes and it's not your responsibility that she decided to move to another country.

nta what is your cousin doing to pull her weight? to me it sounds like she's just lacking off and living at your expense to the point you need of aditional resources. you need to put your feet down on this. either someone that is not you pays for her, take her in their home, or you'll kick her. i can bet they will play the "we are family" card, but they need to know that they are the ones abandoning you with an adult moocher....and maybe that's the reason for her travel and your parents denial to welcome her at their house...

128dnzf

wibta for demanding a share of the money my grandparents get for selling our house?

i (26f) live with my mom (46), and older brother (28). we're poor, but other members of our family aren't. my great aunt is crazy rich, and offered to buy us a house in 2017 to try and help us get our feet under ourselves after a long run of bad luck. our grandparents, my mom's parents, offered to "help us build credit" by buying the house for use, then letting us "rent to own" it over, like, 10 years. the problem is, despite our warnings, they decided to by a house in a small, dying town and between the pandemic, the economy, and everything, the job pool has dried up. we have one car, and the closest city is nearly an hour away. they admit that they made a mistake, and now want to sell the house. in 2017, they bought this house for $75k. last year, a house a block over from us sold for nearly $200k. our house is a 3bed, 2bath, with a massive backyard, the house that sold for just under $200k, 1bed, 1bath, barely any yard. this year, our houses valuation had risen by more than twice it's original value from $75k to $180k. with some spit-shine and elbow grease, i'm sure we could sell this house for $200k. so here's the issue. in talks about selling the house, it's come forward that they don't plan to give us *any* of the money from it, and on top of that, they expect us to still do the things that need to be done to make the house purchase ready, e.g. paint, fill in nail holes, clean/replace carpet, etc. there both in their 80s, so if we don't do it, they'll have to pay people to do it. like, i just feel like we got scammed. this house was supposed to be a gift from our great aunt, and it feels like they swooped in and stole it, and now that it's a burden, they want us to make it all pretty for sale, and we won't even see any of that money to help us get started somewhere else. tl;dr my grandparents convinced my great aunt to give them the house that was supposed to be ours under the guise of helping us, but now that the house is a burden and not a boon, the plan to sell the house, but don't intend to give us any of that money. wibta if i demanded that we deserve some of the money from the sale of the house?

nta

nta the house was supposed to be for your family and they took it. i'm no lawyer but you should really take legal action.

nta. >they don't plan to give us any of the money from it, and on top of that, they expect us to still do the things that need to be done to make the house purchase ready, e.g. paint, fill in nail holes, clean/replace carpet, etc. >now that it's a burden, they want us to make it all pretty for sale, and we won't even see any of that money to help us get started somewhere else. i just can't make sense of how they think this is right.

128dxf5

aita for keeping my child away from jnsil?

jnsil admitted, during mediation, that she's been actively ignoring me for the last three years. she had become more aggressive about it over the last year and i tried to address it directly with her. she went off and yelled at me that i've always been mean and the family hates me, untrue given my good relationships with the other siblings-in-law and their kids. she said i kept her from bonding with my oldest, now two. i never told her she couldn't interact with my child, but did remove my child when they were fussy or jnsil or her husband reeked of cigarettes since the smell triggers my asthma and it's just not good for babys in general. but now i'm confused as to why she felt entitled to my child while ignoring me. why should i allow her to be around my child when she's being aggressive towards me? i didn't feel safe with her being near her at family events, the only time we've seen her, in case my child got hurt because i've seen jnsil lie about events that just happened to make herself the victim. aita for not allowing her around my child or future children because of how she's treating me?

nta

wait, now. why are you “in mediation” with your jnsil? why would you even *want* to be around, or your children to be around her? she shit stirs and lies about you, and reeks of asthma causing cigarettes. she sounds like a *winner*. op, she is not entitled to your company. she is not entitled to your children. wgaf if she doesn’t *like* it?! … *you* didn’t marry her. nta

nta why would you allow your kid to be around someone who hates you? that's confusing and distressing for a child.

128dxo4

aita for scheduling my text messages and gift reminders?

so my daily life is kind of a mess. i manage a large number of people at my company, am constantly traveling and frequently get pulled in many directions throughout a given day. all in all, it's very easy for me to lose track of little details and forget something important because of all of this. i'm always looking for ways to use technology to mitigate these issues and be more organized. a couple years ago, our it guy showed me how the new iphone has a scheduling system and you can set it to automatically do things like send a text at a specific time or when you arrive at a certain place. after learning how this works, i've come to use it fairly often. for example, i have it set so when i leave the house in the morning, it texts my secretary that i'll be at the office in 10 minutes - i leave at varying times depending on if an executive needs to call me about something before i get to the office. this helps her schedule out the first couple hours of my morning when i set aside time to meet with account reps who need me to approve budgets, sign off on proposals, etc before getting to my own meetings and calls. i also started using it a lot in my personal life. my girlfriend really loves it when i text her in the morning and i'd sometimes get caught up in work and forget, so i started writing a personal text out to her in the evening and setting it to send out at some time the next morning, just a little note about how i hope she has a great day, wishing her good luck on a presentation she has, etc. my mom is also a bit forgetful these days, so i'll frequently days in advance set up something like "hey mom, hope you're having a great day! just wanted to make sure you remember it's \[niece\]'s birthday party tonight at 7, don't forget to bring cupcakes." to go out to her that afternoon around 4p. more of the same with other things, like i'll have it text my secretary a few days before a client's birthday to ask her to send a gift, things like that. overall i think it's been really helpful. last week, i showed my brother how it all worked and suggested he could use it to help himself get more organized. he told my mom and girlfriend about how i use my phone to automate when i text them or send gifts, and now they're both really pissed at me. they both say they felt like i had been putting in so much effort to be thoughtful and caring despite how busy i am, but it's all just been a facade and i'm just using my phone to automate it all. i honestly don't think that's fair. every message i sent them is something i wrote myself. every reminder is there because i set it myself. i'm doing this because i felt bad that i had in the past missed these details, and i feel like i'm just using the phone to help me be more organized and thoughtful. but they clearly don't see it that way and are acting like i betrayed them or something. aita?

nta

nta. >they both say they felt like i had been putting in so much effort to be thoughtful and caring despite how busy i am, that's just what you have been doing. >i showed my brother how it all worked and suggested he could use it to help himself get more organized. he told my mom and girlfriend i'm assuming you won't try to help him again.

nta. your mom and gf are obviously important to you, so you use the tools at your disposal to convey your love for them. have they never written someone birthday or anniversary on a calendar or on a day planner?

128e85e

aita for downloading tinder while in a committed relationship

i 18m downloaded tinder today as a joke to see what my friends were up to. it all started when my friend sent me another friends tinder profile and how funny it was. we all made fun of him of course because it was such a ridiculous profile. that sparked the idea for me to find more people i know to make fun of them / laugh at them. so i made an account that was bare bones. 1 pic of me, looking for friends, and bio was “only on here to make fun of my irl friends “. then set it to boys and girls, then i swiped no on everyone and then got bored after 5 or 6 minutes. tonight i was on phone with my gf and told her about this and who i saw. she didn’t say anything just hung up. i explained myself on messages and sent a screen recording of my entire account, a video of me deleting my account, and a screen shot of my screen time that said “14 minutes on tinder, total “. she eventually forgave me but is definitely still upset. so … aita for downloading tinder while in a committed relationship ?

yta

yta even if you are being honest about your reasons (sounds sketchy), downloading it to make fun of ppl you know is ah behavior.

maybe she wasn’t upset especially about the fact you had downloaded tinder, maybe she just got upset at how immature of an asshole you are and she wasn’t ready to find out she was actually dating a 13 year old boy. yta.

128e9yp

aita for telling my mom i don't like the name she gave me?

my mom named me elizabeth julianne (my parents took turns naming their kids). i always found my name boring and there were many elizabeth's in my class at school as a kid. so i went by emmy most of the time. it became my adopted nickname. though my closest friends called me ezzie. emmy stuck for me and felt a lot better to me than elizabeth. mom always kind of rolled her eyes and said i'd change my mind eventually. i always let her call me elizabeth without a fight but she still found it crazy to go with emmy vs a more natural nickname for elizabeth. but we had so many in school that all the more modern options were overused and the others were just old lady names to me. i'm 25 now and i go by emmy still. i actually work using the name emmy. went to college and was called emmy by everyone. elizabeth only goes on my paperwork and i signed emmy as my preferred name on all job applications. my mom only realized recently that i still use emmy all the time. she also only realized lately that i'm still ezzie to my best friends. she asked me why on earth a grown woman is working with a name like emmy and i said because it has become my name over the years, maybe not legally but it's the name i introduce myself as and people know me by. i told her i like having it. she asked why not elizabeth or liz, or beth. she said all of those sound more grown than emmy. i told her honestly that i don't like any of those. i told her she can still call me elizabeth but outside of her, i am going to be emmy. my mom was shocked and hurt that i didn't like the name she gave me. she said i had a first and middle name that i could have used to find something better, more mature and honor the love she poured into my name. she said i was the only one who refused to use something closer to my name (my other sister she named is emily grace and she goes by gracie almost all of the time) and it hurt and for me to look her in the eye and say i didn't like the name. she said i had disrespected and hurt her and she would be awaiting me to grow up and realize how mean i was. aita?

nta

nta you have every right to go by whatever name you want to. you don’t get to have a decision in your legal name (unless you change it ofc), but you do get to decide what you’re comfortable with and want to be called for the rest of your life. and that’s what it is, your life. you’re not disrespecting anybody by going with what you desire for your name. and like you said, your mom is still able to call you elizabeth so it’s a win win imo

nta. my kid didn't like their name. we asked what they wanted to use. made sure they liked it by living with it for 6 months in everyday life and then facilitated the change legally. 8 years later they are a very happy adult . most parents forget that a name is a gift. you give it to a child. it doesn't come with strings or restrictions because it belongs to the child once you give it to them. it's the kid's to do with as they wish including discarding it.

128ebhm

aita for calling an old customer out for being rude to my coworker and i?

i don’t know if i’m in the wrong here, seeing as it was an old man, but i also don’t think age excuses action so let’s get into it. i work at an automotive desk and we sell car parts as well as batteries and some other things. a gentleman came in today asking for a new battery “just like the one he had” and told me “not to bullshit him” because he had his receipt from the old battery with him. he grabs the battery and slams it down on my counter to which i ask him if he can leave it on the floor because it’s clearly leaking battery acid. he proceeds to raise his voice at me and just told me to “get him his god damn battery”. this scared me so i picked out the cheapest battery that would fit in his truck and wrote up an invoice for him. he complained about how he was in a time crunch while i was writing up the invoice and called me slow and incapable. when i was finished i handed the invoice to him and all hell broke loose. he accused me of not refunding him his 20$ core charge to which i replied that i did and pointed to it on the invoice. he insisted that i was stupid and incapable of basic math because when he bought the same battery here 5 years ago it was 20$ cheaper (crazy how inflation works). i told him once again that i didn’t charge him for his core and he shoved his hand in my face and asked for my manager. i, of course, obliged and asked my manager to come down and lo and behold, my manager told him the exact same thing. he called us both idiots, crumpled up his invoice and threw it at me. this was evidently my breaking point as i picked up the new battery from his cart, put it back on the shelf and told him to have a nice day. he tried grabbing it back and i told him that i wouldn’t be writing him up another invoice since he not only disrespected me, but also my manager, and was incredibly rude to us both. he called me a bitch and said that i was disrespecting him and discriminating against him “because he was old and helpless”. i told him that i would no longer be helping him, not because of his age, but because he decided to be condescending and vile towards me and that i wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behaviour. he stormed out and later called my manager to complain. am i the asshole here? i tried giving him options and being patient with him but i feel like i should’ve just given him the battery anyways because he was old.

nta

nta. fuck that guy. being elderly doesn't give him a free pass to be a dick and then play victim. i'm so sick of old cranky people behaving like this and it being tolerated.

nta! pretty sure that dude was also an entitled asshole when he was younger. good on you for standing up for yourself!

128ec2g

wibta for buying and installing a lock for my room

i (21m) live with my mother and sister (who has an intellectual disability, but not relevant to this story), my father passed away some time ago. we recently moved from a rental to a home of our own, and i've been working a few days a week alongside my college studies, which have been going good. because of our financial situation, i save some money for myself and pass on a bit to my mother to assist with bills and whatnot. **note that i myself cannot move out due to personal and financial reasons.** i recently bought myself a nintendo switch, which i have been wanting for a number of years but didn't buy until this year because of the fear that my mother, who has the habit of hating my hobbies, would either **confiscate or outright smash it. she's done this sort of thing before, i should add, and thus i did not tell her i bought it.** i usually don't buy things like this for myself, but because it was my birthday, i thought, why not? well i don't know how she found out, but when i came home from my shift today, the house was empty and **my room was, essentially, ransacked**. my clothes everywhere, my bags open, my drawers open, and **my laptop** (which i've had since 2016) **damaged** on the screen. my switch was in my bag, but untouched, meaning my mother found it but did not take it. i don't know why, some sort of scare tactic? i immediately called my mother and asked if she did it. she said yes, under the guise of "making me clean my clothes and room", which is ridiculous as i always keep my room tidy and sort my belongings out. i yelled at her for a good 30 seconds, telling her this was an invasion of my privacy and the sort. as a result, i've been thinking of buying and installing a lock for my door. my mother has one on her door, so i don't see any reason why i can't. it sounds very strange, i know, but i don't know what to do. wibta if i did this? thanks for your time.

nta

nope nta. you're a legal adult and contributing to the household when you can. she may be your mom, but you're not 6 anymore and she does not have the right to enter your private space without your permission, let alone wreck it. buy that lock asap

nta i don't think getting a lock after this would be out of the question. maybe if getting a lock for your door would cause too much stress/tension i'd recommend getting a lock box or safe to at least store your valuables since you can't/don't plan to move out. if the situation escalates don't be afraid to ask for help/resources that may be available through your school.

128ef0c

aita for telling my boyfriend to stop being a fucking baby just because my little brother called him my brother

i (23m) have a little brother (6m), his autistic and has some speach delays. with his delays he would use words that were easier for him and sometimes just doesnt get relationship dynamics. my name starts with a j and that was hard for him so for the longest time i was my name without the j. for example if i was jack he would call me ack. and also for the longest time i was his "sister" untill he was able to say and understand what brother ment. now for a while any friends me and my sisters have has have been our "brothers" or "sisters". when me and my boyfriend (29m) visited my parents the other day my little brother kept calling my bf my brother. example, when my bf went to the bathroom he asked "where did your brother went" or when he wanted to show off his lego asked "does your brother want to see me lego". when he does this i just carfully correct him like my parents do and explain "oh this isnt my brother, your my brother silly. this is my friend/boyfriend" (or who ever it is). when me and my boyfriend got home he was clearly in a shitty mood then started ranting about what my brother said. i explained what i did here to him but he was still pissy so i just told him to stop being a fucking baby over what a 6 year old mistakenly says. now bf is pissed i called him a fucking baby. aita?

nta

nta. it's a speech delay from a 6 y/o. not say, a 20 y/o being an ass to deliberately make your bf uncomfortable. he's a little kid, not doing this deliberately to hurt anyone. i'd ask your boyfriend if it really was just your brother that upset him or something else.

nta your boyfriend needs to get over himself. and find some basic compassion. his attitude is kind of gross.

128egug

aita for kicking my daughter out after she went behind my back?

i cant sleep and this is the reason. i (39 m) kicked my daughter (16 f) out of my house after she disobeyed my rules. just a quick backstory, me and my daughter never really had a good relationship. she often kept secrets from me when she was a kid, i would only see her twice a month and we fought like cats and dogs, and she often lied to not only me but her mother in middle school. a year ago i got custody over her and her little brother. she had wonderful grades throughout the year and she was given the opportunity to be in an honors class and i pushed her into taking the class. she didn’t want to do it and she basically begged me not to take the class because she didn’t think she could do it, but i believed in her and signed her up for it. throughout this year she has gotten grades 70 and lower because she was not putting in any effort. she would come home study for no more than 30 minutes, play on her phone or x-box, eat, then go to sleep. back in february, i had decided to get her permit and she had been getting ready to go for the test when i got an email from her teacher telling me her grade was a 62%. i got pissed and as soon as she got out of the shower, we had a yelling match. i asked her why her grade was so low and she used the excuse she ‘had a lot going on and that she was trying’ i sent her back to her room and stripped away all entertainment and electronics until she was done all of her schoolwork. even after two weeks, her grade never went up. still, she had nothing. she would stay in her rook even after finishing her work and just sleep. i excused her behavior at first for a breakup she was going through and bullying but even after no improvement, i set up a meeting with her teacher and my ex wife (her mother). after talking, we decided tutoring was the best option. my daughter left the meeting crying and even after school remained mad at me. we got into another argument after she gave me attitude. she went with her mom that weekend and did get the grade up to 75% but i still wanted her to take the tutoring. i got an email from her principal saying she had skipped her first session and wanted to drop out of tutoring. i text my daughter that she was the child and i was the adult and she does not get to make the decision for dropping out. she text me back telling me she went to her teacher to study for her test and thats why she skipped. again, she was making excuses for not succeeding. she did get the issue fixed but i was still mad when she got home so i told her to leave, she ended up getting her mom to pick her up and created a sob story where she was the victim. im now getting angry text from her mother and grandmother about how im an asshole but i just want what is best for my baby girl, so am i the ah?

yta

yta you make her take an honors class that she didn't want to take. you make her get a tutor when she obviously didn't want it. then, when she decides to work with her actual teacher rather than a tutor, you kick her out. yta for being such a controlling pr!ck to your daughter and ignoring what she wants. good job for kicking her out though because she's better off at mom's.

yta - my view on it is that in a very short space of time you took an incredibly authoritarian approach to the situation which has resulted in you creating a massive situation out of nothing. if that is your style of parenting then fair dink, but don't be surprised when it bites you in the ass in this way edit - you say she didn't succeed by not going to the tutor, but her grades did go up. so she did succeed, just not in the way you mandated.

128enst

aita for not letting my dormmate’s guy friend sleep over when it’s raining out?

i feel like this post is kind of more childish compared to others, but my roommate seems mad at me now. her friend is a guy she’s been talking to on the phone, who i’m pretty sure she’s never met irl and he doesn’t attend our school. he’s visiting for the weekend, though, and staying at a friend’s dorm. well she was on facetime with him and while they were talking he was on a walk (idk why he would go on a walk without someone’s id to get back in) and realized he couldn’t get into his friend’s hall. well, my roommate mutes him and asks if he can spend the night in our dorm saying he doesn’t go here and he’s locked out. it has been raining all night, and i do feel bad, but i wasn’t comfortable with the idea so i said no. i don’t know who he is, and she barely knows him. not only this, but he’s 21 while my roommate is 17 so i find that weird. he probably would have to sleep in her bed too, which again, i find weird. she seems mad at me now after i told her no, so idk if i was in the wrong or not.

nta

nta, why would you allow a stranger into your dorm room to stay? does he magically not have his friends phone number to call and let him back in? ngl that seems sus. anyone can say they were staying at a friend's dorm and got locked out. the question is why wouldn't he call his friend for help if that's the issue? it would be one thing if you were familiar with the person or if they were at least a student at your college, but this is a random guy. imo, you made the right choice

nta. while i understand it’s raining and he forgot his id, that doesn’t excuse the fact it’s still his fault for leaving his id. she’s also still a minor, and he is 21, you’re doing your friend a favor, trust me, you’re doing just fine.

128eo9s

aita for yelling at my health teacher in front of the whole class?

i \[15f\] recently transferred to a new school, i’m a freshman but i was put in a sophomore health class because i was in a health class at my last school, so i was in a room with only sophomores, my health teacher has made it clear she doesn’t like me, she always ignores me and takes points off of group projects for me, yet my partner will get 100%, and will try to find any reason to take my phone. i was looking down one day, messing w/ the rips on my jeans, and she held her hand out in front of me, i asked why and she said “i know you have a phone” she didn’t even try to be respectful so i just scoffed and told her i was playing with the rips on my jeans, all of my friends around me told her i was playing with the rips on my jeans, but she still took my phone away for “wasting class time.” not long after this incident, there was a walk out for a guy at my school who got expelled, and over half of my class got up and walked out, phones in hand, filming and posting on snapchat to ”free him,” my teacher just said she was “glad they were doing this for their friend“ and it would be a good ”learning experience” yet when you looked out the window, it was just a crowd of people on their phone. so naturally, i thought it would be okay to pull out my phone to text my dad back, i know that sounds like a lame excuse to use my phone, but i live almost an hour from my school, so we are always on lookout for if i need to find a ride, or what the ride home situation will look like. before i could even explain, my teacher takes my phone and scrolls through me and my fathers texts, i was absolutely livid, not only did she take my phone, but she invaded my privacy, i don’t care what she was looking at wether it was bad or not, it’s the principle of it, and an invasion of my privacy regardless. i decided i was done w/ her, i stood up and shouted “you’ll let them walk out and use their phones, but i cant text my dad?“ with some added profanities. i should add that i do have some anger issues, which i go to therapy and counseling to help with outside of school, but i’ve just recently started going, so i’m still working on controlling myself. my teacher was furious and sent me to the office. my parents aren’t angry at me, but some of my friends are so, aita?

nta

nta for using your phone and nta for your reaction. your teacher crossed a boundary and genuinely seems to have a problem with you specifically. you had every right to be mad about this. taking your phone is one thing but scrolling through your messages? highly unprofessional behaviour.

nta. i'm surprised your dad hasn't spoken to the teacher or the principal about the issue. if your dad doesn't know, i would inform him of the heavy bias the teacher has on you.

128eor0

aita for threatening to expose a former artist friend for plagiarism?

i'm a digital illustrator. for a few years i mentored another aspiring artist over the internet, critiquing his art and offering guidance. generally his ambitions were low, he just wanted to make stuff people would like, and relied on me and some friends for guidance and inspiration. however, he was unstable. tended to draw attention to himself for sympathy whenever he doubted himself. yet over time he'd pull through with gradual improvements in his artwork and mental health. but i noticed a burgeoning issue. it is normal for learners to wear their inspirations on their sleeves, but i saw more and more that he was copying my artwork. in a few of his drawings, the faces of his characters looked the same as mine, which i made it clear was something he should stop doing. even though he proved he wasn't tracing, it was still clear he was lifting from me. he did not stop there. later on he presented a piece to me that copied an image of mine almost entirely; the character's clothes, pose and body art were copied. the typography, background, and filter of the image were also almost 1:1. the piece took him a week to finish, but apparently it never occurred to him that this was a bad idea. so, i cut ties with him entirely. half a year later, a friend of mine commissioned an art piece from my former student. this time the plagiarism was more subtle but equally problematic. things like the position of scenery, the way that scenery was drawn, and the overall composition of my piece were copied. every time i have confronted my former friend about this he's removed the offending art pieces from his galleries, but he denies copying me or at the very least isn't aware he's doing anything wrong. whether he's being sincere or playing dumb, i've decided to lay down the law: if he demonstrably copies me again i will expose his plagiarism on all of the places i post my artwork. have i gone too far?

nta

nta. you‘re only exposing what he *actually* did. if he doesn’t want that to happen, he can stop committing plagiarism. simple as that! you have every right to speak up when someone steals your work.

**nta**. if he genuinely plagiarises for money (commissions), he is committing a crime (at least here in australia). if you are confident, it would hold up in court, then expose him, because he may try to clap back at you for libel or slander.

128ewsk

aita for confronting my coworker about eating my food, even though they claimed it was a mistake?

i work in an office with a shared kitchen, and i usually bring my lunch from home. recently, i've noticed that some of my food has been going missing, and i suspected that my coworker might be the culprit. one day, i caught my coworker in the act of eating my sandwich. i confronted them about it, and they claimed that they thought it was theirs and that it was an honest mistake. i didn't believe them because they had been taking my food for weeks and it didn't seem like a coincidence. i told my coworker that i didn't appreciate them taking my food without permission and that it was causing me inconvenience and financial loss. they apologized and promised not to do it again. however, i still felt angry and resentful towards my coworker, and i started to avoid them at work. my other coworkers noticed the tension between us and suggested that i should forgive and forget. they said that it was just food and that i shouldn't hold a grudge. now i'm wondering if i overreacted by confronting my coworker, even though they claimed it was a mistake. so reddit, aita for confronting my coworker about eating my food?

nta

just food? you mean food you purchased and prepared and transported to work to sustain you during your work day? thieves who try to make you feel bad for being upset at their theft are not to be trusted under any circumstances. nta at all, go to hr if you have one in case of possible retaliation. always document all thefts in the workplace, if they'll steal from you, they'll steal from your employer.

nta. he tried to pull the "it was an accident." bs. he only apologized because he got caught. if he was doing it for weeks, he would do it forever if he was never confronted. your coworkers are telling you to forgive and forget, but are they telling the sandwich thief to make up for what he did? a forced apology isn't shit. if he was actually sorry, he'd make it up to you.

128f9fg

aita for not allowing a friend to get credited for a project?

in my country, in the last year of engineering college we have to do a "end of studies" project. however, i and a friend (bob) are doing an international exchange in a neighboring country, in which we already did a final project of similar magnitude. therefore, we are going to use the exchange final project to validate our final project at home. the thing is, i did 90% of the project. i wrote the entirety of the code we used, and the other people in my group just helped writing bits of the report. when we were getting close to the deadline, bob told me he was going to use the exchange project to validate the project at home. i thought this was extremely unfair, but didn't tell him anything. instead, i withheld the experimental results of the project (because, as i did everything, i had all the results), made the document private, and only filled tables and images in the final report hours before turning it in. i also wrote a footnote in the first page indicating that i was the main contributor. of course, my group didn't even bother to proofread the report so we turned it in that way. now that we're coming back to our original university, bob texted me complaining that he wouldn't be able to use the report as his final project because i marked myself as the principal contributor. i told him it wasn't fair to be credited for a project that he didn't do. he didn't answer, but i think we're not going to be friends anymore. aita?

nta

nta. i think it’s a rather good think you and bob won’t be friends anymore.

nta. bob wants the credit and all the work you did. now he's mad he has to put in some actual effort now.

128fkww

aita for grounding someone else’s child?

i (28f) have a 7 year old son, “lucas.” when lucas was 4, i hired “ava,” a 12 year old girl new to the neighborhood to be his babysitter. ava was an amazing kid and lucas loved her. ava’s home life wasn’t great. she lived with a single mother who was pretty neglectful and left town a lot. she was hardly aware of her daughter’s whereabouts, so i kind of took ava under my wing. when her mother went of out town, ava stayed with lucas and i. she became like a part of the family. three months ago, now 15 year old ava’s mother completely left town and asked if i could watch her daughter for a few weeks. i gladly agreed, but this was months ago and there is still no sign of her return. i’ve accepted the fact that i’m now ava’s guardian, most likely until the end of high school, because honestly, i don’t see her mom coming back anytime soon. i don’t mind, i love the kid, but i’m devastated for ava. last night, i wanted to go out to dinner with some friends and asked ava if she wanted to babysit lucas. (disclaimer: i am not letting ava live with me so i can force her to babysit; if she doesn’t want to, that’s totally fine. but when she’s up for it, i pay her to watch lucas) ava agreed to babysit for the night. i was shocked when i arrived home around midnight to see that ava had gotten into my liquor cabinet and was a little tipsy. i was furious and told her that at 15 that was not acceptable, especially while babysitting with a child in the house! ava promised that she has put lucas to bed before she got into the alcohol, but i still stand by the fact that she shouldn’t have been drinking at all. i sent her to bed and told her we’d talk in the morning. the next morning, ava approached me and apologized, admitting that she had been irresponsible. i thanked her and told her she was grounded for week. ava protested, saying that i’m not her mother and i can’t discipline her. i calmly explained to her that her mother isn’t around, and i’m the one who’s responsible for her. ava admitted that she thinks the punishment itself is fair, but she thinks it’s unfair that it’s coming from me. obviously, ava has trauma and i’m looking into therapy for her. maybe i am the ah for punishing her while she’s still reeling from the fact her mom left, and i should have let her off with just a stern talking to. i love ava like she’s my own, and i just want what’s best for her. aita for grounding a child that’s not my own?

nta

she needs therapy, her own mother abandoned her just like that, punishments are needed and be careful of what words you use when talking to her and also try to not be too harsh, she needs help. nta.

nta. you didn't ground her for something silly. you grounded her for something that could become a huge problem. also yes, definitely needs therapy.

128frit

aita for telling my friend her mother looks like a grandma?

i'll try to keep this short (please ignore grammar or spell errors english isn't my first language). i saw my friend in a parking lot talking with a woman who had grey hair so i just waved at her, i assumed it was her grandma. so back at home i text her something along the lines off was that your grandma? and she was like no that was my mother and the response i sent her back was oh damn, she really looks like a grandma (i probaly shouldn't have said that). and then she said that's not nice and since then we didn't talk with each other anymore. aita?

yta

yta - the initial mistake is fine, but the second comment is what makes you the asshole

it's one thing to mix things up! it's another to double down on your mistake. should have said " ah, sorry, only saw her from behind and the gray hair threw me! did you have a nice day?" yta.

128fs8w

aita for calling out a bestfriend for ruining someone else's long term relationship

my ex bestfriend is upset and calling me being a judgemental for calling out her actions towards ruining someone else's relationship. she was aware that the guy she is with now was in a long term relationship yet, she continued on seeing and sleeping with this guy and kinda proud on what she's doing. i confronted and called her out about these actions and consequences. now, she's the one acting as the victim and trying to gaslight me for being a judgemental friend on what she did and does not value our friendship.

nta

nta. this isnt a person who want as friend, because she will do it again and her boyfriend will do it again. so just walk away from this.

nta- i guess she didn't like hearing the truth.

128fu7s

aita for being mad when my friend blew me off?

i was planning a d&d game and we planned to do our session zero one night, it was rather impromptu that night and we planned to start (online) at around 7:00. (we often do this sort of thing very late at night) the friend in question said he was in the middle of something and that was okay, around 8:50 the friend (i'll call him d) said he was still unavailable at the time, so i continued to wait. d had told me he was drawing, and my assumption was that he'd be able to join once he'd finished. this to me was completely fair. by 10:30 i had still heard nothing, and i messaged him telling him that if he didn't want to do the session that night it was okay but i needed to know if he wasn't going to. by 11:30, i called it. d said he'd be freer tomorrow and that he'd love to do session zero earlier in the day. i do have to add i was being somewhat passive-aggressive with some of my comments. nothing i would consider downright mean, however. i said to him and i quote "look man it pisses me off when people specifically make me wait around n shit cause they can't say no. i'd rather have a straight answer so i can do other shit alright? /nm" he apologized. the next day i messaged him around two asking if around 3:00ish would work (keep in mind this is just to get on a call, nothing in person). he said he had schoolwork to make up and that 3:30ish might work better. at 3:30 i messaged to check in, but he still wasn't done. i understood and continued with my day, still waiting for him to get back to me on when would work. at 5:30 i messaged d again, he was eating. around 7:00 i asked if he was still busy, and he said yes. i told him that we wouldn't do it this way then and i'd figure out a form since it didn't seem like it was going to work out. he apologized and by this time i was really upset since i continuously had to wait hours on him just to not end up doing the things we planned on. so my response to his "sorry" message this time was honestly probably not the greatest. i said " i mean considering that i am 90% sure you and \*\*another friend\*\* are on call rn and that this would’ve only taken 30-45 mins i don’t know how much i believe that. it’s okay if you just didn’t want to i just need you to tell me so i’m not waiting on you, man." i can agree that the message was rather passive-aggressive in nature and i probably should have been more direct with him. around 7:30 i sent all my players a google form that acted as a session zero. d sent a message in a venting chat saying how he didn't like people not being direct with him and how passive aggression made him spiral how his parents made him do a lot of unexpected things and he had a lot of schoolwork to catch up on saying that after doing all that he just wanted to talk to another friend and that it was a communication problem on both our parts. after this, i sent him two long messages apologizing. am i crazy for having been upset about it all?

nta

nta - your friend sounds annoying af. you were direct with him when you told him it’s annoying to have to wait around when he could have said no straight away, him venting is rubbish, he’s just trying to make you look like the asshole.

nta. waiting around for people, for hours, is stressful and it means you can't get on with your day and do other stuff. i think you're right, a "no" would have been much better. dming is a lot of work and it's often underappreciated. in future, maybe set a very specific time. rather than accepting "around 3.30", go for "3.30-4.30, i can wait until 5 if you're late but after that i'm going out". i think the fact that you're prepared to spend your day waiting around for people just encourages them to let you. being firmer sets expectations, and might encourage them to be more considerate.

128ga7y

aita for not telling my friend that i was hanging out with her crush?

i had a friend, let's call her yu. yu is really crazy about her crush (who we'll call jack) to the point of knowing what he’s doing during the day, his location, his house, and his family members’ business and the stuff they do. i had never interacted with him in person so yu wouldn’t get the wrong idea. i only interacted with him if my friends played games with him. even then, i’d report our interactions because i didn’t want yu to misunderstand. i got to know jack more when he became part of our gaming group and realized that yu's behavior was unhealthy and weird, and i was encouraging it by reporting back to her about him. my gaming group planned to go thrifting one day, but whenever they plan to hang out outside of school and play games, i tend to exclude myself since i’m the only girl. this time, my closest friend, owen, in the group invited me and the rest of them agreed, and throughout the hangout, i only talked to owen since i was closer to him. i didn't talk to jack whatsoever. three weeks later, i had to mention the hangout for content for another topic that i was talking to my group of friends about. yu asked, "why didn't you tell me?" and i responded with, "i didn't think it was important since nothing really happened and he didn't mention you. but, don't worry i didn't talk to him at all." a few days later, one friend told me that yu created a group chat without me with her and another friend, upset that i didn't tell her about it. a week later, that same friend told me that yu wanted me to apologize for hanging out with him and wanted me to come to her to own up to my actions instead of her coming to me to confront me about the problem she had with me. i do agree that i should've come to her to talk about the issue, but my friend didn't want to be outed for telling me to which i respected her wishes. this week, a friend from my gaming group had the same class as yu. he told me yu was saying, "i can't believe she wouldn't take responsibility for her actions" and called me a tomato, which i assume was a way of insulting my dyed hair. at this point, my sister is familiar with the situation but she didn't intervene. however, my sister got upset because yu was rude to her when it should be a problem fixed between yu and me instead of involving another party. this prompted my sister and me to confront yu. to sum up the argument, yu was trying to refute all our claims. she asked, "why didn't you tell me?" i explained to her that she wasn't obligated to know our every interaction because i'd made it clear to her many times that i'm not interested in him. she also claimed that she was over it to which i mentioned what she said two days ago. i see that i could be the asshole for not telling her earlier than i did or before i did hang out with my whole gaming group, but i didn't want her to continue stalking him, encouraging this addiction to him, nor did i want to keep reporting to her about jack's business. aita?

nta

nta. yu is creepy and stalking this poor guy. stop taking part in her drama and just hangout with whoever you want. you don't owe her anything or any explanation about who you're hanging out with.

nta. someone’s gotta tell jack and her parents about her behavior

128gbr8

wibtah for outing my ex?

have been amicably separated a few years. two kids, both teenagers. my ex is now engaged to someone the kids really like and she seems to be a really good influence on the household. i’ve had little direct contact with her aside from insisting to meet with her when i learned indirectly that she was moving in with the kids/ex as i was told by my ex that “she wasn’t ready for any relationship with me” and he told mutual friends that she didn’t think highly of me. when i met with her, she was kind and open. through his discussions with mutual friends, i know that her last relationship ended due to infidelity and that she has trust issues. i’ve also learned through mutual friends that my ex has not disclosed to her that our marriage ended due to him having an affair. he told her it was due to us “growing apart”, which i guess he could be used as a reason to justify the affair. i recently found out that they are now engaged, which makes me happy as my kids really like her and i trust their judgement (they’re really great) and i’m beyond happy that they like/love their future stepmom. my concern is that they become close to her and then she finds out about the affair and it’s a deal breaker because she was mislead. i also feel like i’ve been made to feel that i can’t talk with her because she may find out the real reason behind why me and my ex split. i want her to stay, but i *don’t* want my kids to become attached to her only for something to go sideways when the truth eventually comes out. wibtha for letting her know now, or should i just keep my mouth shut? for those suggesting friends mention it to her, they’ve (one couple) never met her nor spoken with her in person. they’ve only talked with ex and have encouraged him to share with her when he disclosed to them that he hadn’t. if they went directly to her, it would be glaringly obvious it was because of me as he’s not told them about the engagement. they’ve talked a couple of times since the engagement but he never mentioned it to them and they only were just surprise to find out when we were visiting and they asked after him. his family knows, my family knows and both of our families are awesome. eventually, i’m sure something will come out but i’m going to go with my gut and continue to focus on raising strong kids who feel loved by family no matter what and just be nice to the soon to be new member of the family.

yta

yta. your intentions sound sincere but you need to stay out of it. obviously if she were to ask you directly that's a different story. the best you could do would be to implore your ex to be honest for the reasons provided. people love to justify their infidelity by saying that they'd grown apart or fallen out of love prior to the cheating, as if that magically means it doesn't count lol.

gentle yta. i understand why you are concerned but it's really none of your business. also, keep in mind that you're receiving a lot of this intel 3rd hand. you really don't know what kind of conversations they've had behind the scenes. if she approaches you directly then be honest but until that day happens it's best to stay out of it.

128gck5

aita for evicting a late payer from parking spot asap

a friend introduced me to his friend “a”, who needed to rent a parking lot from me. i was cool with it and did it at 30% discount considering it was a friendly arrangement, in which i mentioned specifically that i wanted payments proactively at the start of the month without me reminding him. fast forward 12 months, and he had to be reminded 6 out of those 12 months to pay up. there was even a period where he forgot to pay for three months straight, and apologized quickly that his automated transfer wasn’t working. i then escalated this to his friend and mentioned to speak to “a” because i’m losing my patience after constantly reminding him to be more disciplined with payment when the last month was the same excuse, i figured that was the last straw. i pinged him today at the start of the month to mention that i’m doubling his rent immediately. if he was not comfortable with that agreement, he could leave in 3 days or i’ll clamp his car. (i know this was an aggressive arrangement). but i mentioned to him that i did this because he has absolutely no payment discipline and i’m done with this behavior. his response was also somewhat aggressive; he mentioned he will not agree to this rent increase or the 3 day deadline, and that he will need two weeks unpaid to go through this. i then told him he is no decision to dictate anything. we eventually met face to face where i got my parking card back, and he has 3 more days to get out before i clamp his car. aita?

nta

**nta**. i'm not sure doubling his car space rent is entirely legal if this was a written contract. but if he doesn't pay for the space, he doesn't get to have it, it's pretty simple.

nta- he sounds like he would be a nightmare to get rid of of and sometimes you have to get aggressive to get things done

128giov

aita for picking one rescue dog over the other

i work in the medical field and recently my conditions have freed up so that i can afford to keep a pet. i wasn't actively looking around for one but i heard from a friend that someone he knows picked up a pregnant stray and it gave birth to a litter of 4. i reached out to them and offered to take them up on the offer to adopt a puppy once it's weaned. i met up with my extended family and was gushing over puppy photos the rescue mom took of the puppy i want to adopt. when my mum heard about my plan she immediately latched on and told me there are 2 strays near her place that a business owner is helping to are care of but he is moving soon and was gonna ask a shelter to take care of it (with a 90% chance they were going to be euthanized). she was trying to get me to take them on even going to the point in saying that the only reason i want to adopt the dog is because she's a puppy and that i have no compassion for older dogs. i refused but my mum and my sis got pretty crossed with me. i personally might be able to take on more than 1 dog financially but i have work and want more things to do with my time off. it ended up making me feeling shitty like should i be doing more for these other dogs, am i selfish for wanting time to myself to enjoy other stuff. i wanna say that me and my family have a good relationship, like all parents my mum does try and push her expectations on me but she's pretty patient but i have no idea why she got so worked up about this and so did my sister and now i'm feeling down. (my mum is 80+ so i don't think she can take care of the dog and my sister has 3 of her own already) aita for choosing which dog to rescue.

nta

nta, at all. you can't save the whole world. you found a dog that needs a home, and you plan to adopt it. good for you. your mom is wrong trying to guilt trip you into taking a different dog. if she's so concerned, she can adopt that dog herself. plenty of older people have pets, it's actually good for them. your mom and sis are wrong and they need to back off.

nta. i wouldn’t want to take in stray outdoor dogs either. if your mother feels so strongly, she can step up.

128gt6l

aita for not changing the date of my baby shower so he can come because it falls on the day of his youngest daughter's tonsillectomy?

my dad cheated on my mom for 3 years and they divorced. he married the affair partner then. during the affair he did a lot of stuff for his affair partner's daughter. i was angry and his argument always was she was severely disabled and had no dad and he was trying to be good. i was always angry at him for that. he repeatedly told me he loved me and i was his priority and that he would show me. but he never did show me. promises were made, and attempts happened, but i always knew i'd come last when up against his stepdaughter or the kids he had with his wife. he even had the gall to ask me if i'd be a babysitter for them and thought "us" spending time with his new kids would be the way for him to make up for being there for someone else's kid. also, i know she's not his bio kid because she's a different race to him and his wife. an example is when i had stopped caring and just treated him with respect he promised me a day of us time, where he'd buy me stuff i had wanted for a while and treat me to food of my choice. the day before he realized his stepdaughter's birthday celebration was the same day and hers was at a special sensory place for kids with needs like hers, and he had a sick toddler at home. he told me we'd need to do it another day because he needed to take his stepdaughter, then he suggested we could both go and we'd still get our time. i told him she has a mom who could do it. he said she couldn't take the sick kid. i asked about a babysitter and he told me he couldn't leave his sick toddler with a stranger. i told him he couldn't honestly expect his day of making up to me to be counted if it was celebrating his stepdaughter. he looked so hurt and said but she's my sister. i said she wasn't and even if she was, his always putting her and the other kids first would always be a big deal. he has always told me he would make up for hurting my feelings but never has. now i'm 25, married and with a baby on the way. my baby shower is in a few weeks and dad heard about the shower and called to say he wanted to come but it was the same day of his youngest daughter's tonsillectomy and could i change the date so he could be there. i laughed over the phone and asked if he was serious. he said of course. he wants to be there for me. i told him he was doing it yet again and expecting me to accommodate his family and that no, i would not change the date, that i always knew he wouldn't actually show up so i didn't even invite him. he told me he would come if i changed the day and he swore all kinds of ways that he would make it. i told him i did not believe him. his wife called after and told me i have always been unfair and should have accepted he wasn't just my dad. she told me her daughter deserved to have a father too and i'm selfish, etc. she said i could at least give him this chance. aita?

nta

nta let them have him, you deserve better. no dad is better than a shit dad.

nta if this had been the first time with a usually reliable man, i 'd say you're the a, but there is no use in postponing something for the sake of a man who is going to find another reason why he can't come the other time, too. if he c doesn't have enough time to take care of all his kids, he shouldn't have had so many.

128h8h0

aita for having fun a day after my uncle’s funeral

i (16m) always knew that my uncle (44m) wasn’t doing so well when it comes to his physical health. he had been in a wheelchair as long as i remember and his conditions were generally saddening. fast forward to a few days ago when it was announced that he had passed away due to stage 4 lymphoma cancer. everyone in my family especially my father (47m) had felt heartbroken. after his funeral which had occurred yesterday i woke up today to play some minecraft with my friends. i played for around an hour or so until my dad came into my room and started shouting at me saying “your uncle passed away and all you’re doing is playing videogames? have some shame”. my father had never screamed at me beforehand and i genuinely felt scared for my life, so i turned off my laptop without hesitation and he left my room. tonight during dinner my father refused to even look at me and he didn’t even eat his food and ran upstairs. my mom scolded me telling me that i’m such an ah for entertaining myself 1 day after my uncle’s funeral. so aita?

nta

nta, your dad is clearly missing some emotional coping machanisms

nta (i would say na h, but while grief may explain it, it doesn’t excuse screaming at someone for doing something harmless imo) your dad is grieving the loss of his little brother. could you sit with your dad for a while today and ask to hear stories about your uncle? it might help your dad to talk about him and seeing you show interest should definitely help. i think he’s having a hard time with the fact that his brother may not have been as important to you as he was to your dad.

128hcfl

aita for not doing any chores at home anymore?

i (f25) have been living with my bf (m27) for about 5 months. throughout the months, i’ve realized that i am doing nearly everything at home. i work hybrid full time and my bf works part time from home so he is at home everyday whole day. he usually stays up at night and sleep just before i go to work, so i always wake up to a messy living room and kitchen. i am also the one who cooks, cleans, launders the clothes and goes grocery shopping. i only realized that i am doing everything a few weeks ago. i have talked to him about this issue a lot as i am starting to feel really tired but he always says that he helps me enough and that i should stop complaining. so, three weeks ago, i decided to stop doing everything completely. i stopped cooking, going to buy groceries, maintaining/cleaning the house. i only cook for myself dinner and do my own dishes and laundry but nothing else. i wanted to see if my bf was going to realize and step up. in the course of three weeks, no one has been going to buy groceries, so i have been eating the only thing we have at home which is pasta. no one has cleaned the house once, and a pile of dirty laundry (his) has formed. i can already see some mold forming in our bathroom and our kitchen is extremely dirty and smelly. i refuse to clean everything. it would take hours and i don’t see why i should be the one doing it. my bf has been complaining a bit that i haven’t been cooking for him but i told him i was too busy with work (which is true). he has been mostly ordering food everyday but has been skipping meals a lot has there is barely any food at home, he has been losing weight (and he is already pretty skinny). the state of our house is degrading and i honestly feel disgust living here, but i am done doing everything by myself. i realize that this is really petty. i have told this to a few of my friends and while they are acknowledging the fact that i shouldn’t do everything at home, they are saying i am wrong in not cleaning a bit or buying some fresh food. as i said, the state of the house is degrading and mold is forming, and my friends are saying i can’t just not do anything about this and i should at least make sure we live in a hygienic place. i agree, but i won’t do it by myself. so, aita for not doing anything anymore?

nta

nta but this isn't sustainable.

nta you may want to talk to him about the division of household chores. my mil says guys are pigs but i refuse to just believe that gender dictates cleanliness.

128hi6a

aita for still not agreeing on a baby name with my ex

i have another post on here where my ex was being immature over a joke list of names i created. after that we ended up splitting up because he thought i’d deceive him and name our baby alone. i’m still pregnant and we still don’t have a name. weirdly him and his family have been more cordial with me now that we aren’t together. he messaged me asking how we should decide a name and i said that we should just send names we liked and we could decide on two for his first and middle name (we found out it’s a boy) like i said in my other post my baby name choices were all regular if not a bit trendy. a few of the names i sent him were beau, augustine and wyatt whilst he insisted on something more “traditional” such as james or samuel. so i suggested we name him samuel beau or james wyatt. but ex said he wanted a full traditional name but that none of the names i sent were traditional enough. i told he he’d have to tough it out because i’m choosing at least one of the names for my baby whether he likes it or not. and once again he’s getting his family to side with him which they all are except his younger cousin who thinks i should choose at least one name as well aita i want to be able to choose part of his name

nta

nta. his family do not get a vote in naming your child, that's ridiculous. you two aren't together, so ultimately the choice is yours. it would be better if you two can agree but he has no right to demand that he gets his way.

nta and who decides which name is a "full traditional name"? he? because it seems more like he's going to reject any name you proposed/would propose using this argument... ok, try this: you make a list. he make a list. you choose a name from his list. he choose a name from your list. then you flip a coin to decide on a first name. no more discussion.

128hi9j

aita for telling my friend her daughter is not special?

both myself (f32) and my friend julie (f32) are single mothers. we have been friends since high school and i used to think of her as a sister. julie has a daughter, zoe (f4). zoe started kindergarten just over a month ago at a prestigious private school (paid for mostly by her father) and since then julie has been boasting almost non stop about how zoe is so mature, so much smarter than all her classmates, etc. this didn't bother me until i mentioned over text that i was having trouble keeping on top of my housework because my son, max (m,1) was cutting teeth and breastfeeding a lot. julie made a comment that since he was almost 2, he shouldn't be "acting like a baby" and followed up with "when zoe was that age she was already making her own sandwich from scratch"... which is an exaggeration. i simply didn't reply to her comment, but this seems to have made the problem worse. she has made other small comments comparing our kids, but when she sent me a link to services for children with delays, i lost it. i asked her if she was serious, to which she replied that at max's age zoe could already count to 20 (which is a 3 year old milestone) and i should intervene with max's "issues" sooner rather than later. to be clear, max is meeting all his milestones and there are zero concerns that he is anything other than a perfectly normal child. i told her as much, but then i also told her that zoe's maturity is probably because she has to raise herself since she would rather hang out with her now boyfriend and leave her kid with grandma than spend time with her own kid. i think i might have gone too far with my comments. aita?

nta

nta. also highly doubt zoe had the dexterity at 2 to make her own sandwich. your friend sounds like she is getting a lot of her self-esteem through her daughter, and she is doing it in a very competitive way. it's an a-hole thing to do. your child is perfect the way he is, and she should be more supportive instead of putting you down.

nta people who say how advanced their kids are are the worst in my opinion!

128hjkd

aita for not wanting my boyfriends ex-wife spend the night at his home???

i have been "seeing" this guy for about 1.5 yrs...for all intents and purposes he is my boyfriend however, we are not ready for anything serious. we do not live together, but we talk every single day, hang out, dinner, have amazing sex, etc... now, admittedly he has a great relationship with his ex wife...they have 2 biological kids between them, 7 kids altogether from previous relationships (all adults, ages 20-40yrs). they were married for 21yrs, together for 28yrs. she is one that initiated the divorce and have been divorced for 3 yrs, 4yrs with separation. however, after the divorce was final, he moved on and for the past year and half he and i have been an intimate relationship. we'll, after realizing what she had, she wanted to make things work out with him and get back together, he said no. he loves her but does not want to be with her. but he continues to include her in nearly every aspect of his life...career moves, life changes, etc. i don't have a problem with them being friends...i get it. recently, he found some old pictures, they reminisced about good they had it and how the screwed it up...blah blah blah. apparently, she thought they had green light to try to work things out and she asked if she could stay with him (for about 3 days) while she was in town for work and he said yes. here is the kicker, i was supposed to spend the night with him, we had plans to do things for those exact same days. he said we could still do those things...however, he asked me not be "lovey dovey" in front of her so not throw it her face that we were together. needless to say this pissed me off. (i forgot to mention that she and i know each other, we are not friends. i don't dislike her nor her me, but she doesn't want to be around me and i don't want to be around her). anyway, i was very upset that he was going to let her stay with him and asked me not to stay. his reasoning, she is still family and he has made plainly clear that since she is still family, she will always have a place to stay with him. (mind you, he only has one bed at his place and a couch and she has a 6 figure income and can easily afford hotels and/or airbnb). this has caused a huge riff between us. aita for thinking this is totally inappropriate??

nta

girl, she doesn't know you're his girlfriend. she thinks he's not serious about you because that's absolutely the impression he's given her. you've been dating way too long to just be seeing each other. she had reasons to think she had the green light. look, nta but tread carefully. she's the mother of his kids and you're just a woman he's seeing. a girlfriend would perhaps have seniority but it sounds like he's made it abundantly clear that's not what you are.

nta op. however, everything you described in your relationship with him is the same thing i have with my fwb. i'm thinking that's what he feels you are to him... just a fwb. i think you need to have a talk with him to find out where you stand. you may end up wanting to move on instead of wasting time on a guy that basically hit pause until his ex-wife seemed sorry enough to come back around or whatever.

128hqqc

aita for blowing snapping at my parents during a family trip?

i, 15m am a student in dubai, uae. i am currently on spring break and my parents told me a day before sunday that we will go to australia and new zealand for 3 weeks (my holiday is 2 weeks). i had already made plans with all my friends for small trips around the country that i would have paid with my own money. not to mention that the week after the break i have some big exams that would determine my career. they tell me “too bad you’re coming with us”. i complain a bit, but oblige. i know they just want to spend time with me but this is getting out of hand. after we landed, they took my phone and said that i’m not getting it back until the end of the holiday. i complain again a bit, but oblige. the first week was not bad. a lot of beautiful views, trios and all that. but i found out that my parents have tried to block my friends and try to make them hate me because “this holiday is all about us. you don’t need them”. at this point, i just snap. i start yelling “i’m done with this. all this trip all you do is make fun of me for missing my friends and wanting to be in school. you guys are making me miss the most important week of my school year for a holiday that i never even agreed to. i would have had no problem if you guys at least let me message my friends or even just be in school on time. but no, you guys had to just keep me here for yourselves.” i am currently using a public computer to message this but my mom is still crying and my dad is fuming. i feel a bit bad for this but i feel like i did the right decision. aita?

nta

nta but i'd strongly advise you to contact someone at your school to inform them you'll be missing the first week back (if i've read that right) and therefore wont be present for your exams. i know very little about the education system in uae but if your parents haven't informed the school you're missing the crucial exams it could ruin your future or set you back a year or two. even if you get one of your friends to tell them on your behalf you need to let someone know asap so they can put plans into motion for you

nta. your parents have been very inconsiderate. tell them you want to go back now. if you can, just take your phone back and password protect it.

128htar

aita for discussing spoilers about reality tv on a public forum?

hello guys. a semi-funny situation here, where i'm unsure if i am a big a, a tiny one or not at all. so...in my country, the bachelor is a phenomenon. when it's out, it's the only thing people talk about. naturally, forums also have topics about it. there is the main topic and then there is the spoiler topic, where people gather information and speculate about the winner, without ruining the fun of watching for the people in the main topic. i was talking to a friend of mine and when i mentioned the spoiler topic, she said nothing there is true, because people from the production deliberately post spoilers there and as proof, she sent me screenshots from a discord channel about movies and tv, where she participates. in this screenshot, the social media editor of tb said the pr is registered in the spoiler topic and posts fake info there. where i might be ta: i took the screenshots, put red rectangles on any real names mentioned and posted them in the spoiler topic, saying something along the lines of "hey girls, don't trust any info posted by random users, it seems the production wants to throw us off". i did not cover the discord usernames as they contained no names and no avatars contained real pictures of people. so...3 weeks later i get a frantic call from this friend saying that the television has seen my post and this might bring problems to the sme or the pr if they find the identity of the people behind the discord usernames. the friend asked me to stop writing in the spoiler topic until the bachelor ends. aita for doing what i did?

nta

so if i'm understanding this right, some people write fake spoilers for a tv show and some other person claimed they were running social media for the show and the fake spoilers were part of some master plan? if that's right, nta but you and your friend are both pretty gullible to not be seeing that the fake spoilers are just people making stuff up for clout on the internet

huh? how would you be ta for re-posting something they were fool enough to post in a public forum. that's their mistake. nta

128iegi

wibta if i don't intend my brothers wedding?

i, (24f) was looking so forward to being apart of my older brothers wedding and see him marry the love of his life. but i found of via instagram stories i was the only sibling on both sides that isn't apart of the wedding. i was devastated i was the only one left out and only found out from social media. i understand if there was a limited number and it's their wedding, but i was not informed at all. i was so hurt by the way i found out. i have had a lot of trauma from my family as i've grown up. i don't want to go into it as it is very long, but i have considered no contact for many years. i decided to go no contact now, even though my dad, who i love, is very sick. i have constantly felt excluded. i would also see posts or events where i'm the only one left out. i have always struggled feeling like i'm apart of the family. i've been sitting with my thoughts a lot and have been considering not attending my brothers wedding as i know i'll feel hurt not being up there with him and don't want to ruin his day. as well as being the only sibling in photos that clearly wasn't apart of the wedding, so i'll stick out like a sore thumb and ruin the photos. his fiance should be the one sticking out as she will look absolutely gorgeous! i haven't talked to my brother yet as i don't want to ruin his day. i want them to have the absolute beautiful and memorable day, because it's their day. i just don't understand why i was the only sibling excluded. so i'm wondering, wibta if i don't attend his wedding? i just want him to have a amazing day and do what's right also, i've never experienced a wedding. the closest i've got was planning my own wedding, but that went south and didn't happen. what do i wear so i don't end up sticking out like a sore thumb against the other sisters? i really don't want to mess up. will a cheap, full length dress be appropriate? edit 2: thank you everyone for their thoughts. i've taken them all into consideration. i've come to realise it's not my wedding to stress about what people think. if people want to make speculations/rumours about me being the only siblings not in the party then it isn't up to me to explain it. it will be up to my brother and his fiance to explain it. i will attend the wedding and make sure my brother has a amazing day.

nta

nta please discuss this with your brother asap. you’re understandably upset, but try to remain calm and clear headed so that you can succinctly explain the reasons why you’re so hurt for being excluded. you deserve an explanation and to be heard. don’t make a decision about not attending his wedding until after your discussion with him. good luck.

nta. i would definitely speak to your brother about this, it's terrible behaviour to exclude only you of all siblings from the wedding party. i don't know what type of brother would do this to his sister, not a loving one thats for sure. it's not something he can make up to you later on so keep in mind if he is being so disrespectful to you i wouldn't go to the wedding at all, it's going to be like rubbing salt into the wound.

128ierv

aita for suggesting my brother attend therapy and think about things before he acts?

my brother was widowered for the second time a little over a month ago. the first time he was widowered, he was a dad of two young boys ages 8 and 6. he remarried fast and became a stepfather to a boy and a girl the same ages as his children. he also became a father again to two more children with his second wife. his stepchildren considered him their dad, and their bio father was deceased. his bio sons did not see his wife as their mom and i would say they did hold some negative feelings toward both for marrying when they did. his second wife did her best to be a mother to all six of the children in the home and i do recall many times her being upset that the boys were not closer to her. she told me at one point that she hoped at the end of her life, if they hadn't accepted she was their mom, they would tell her they loved her at least once while alive. she was sick for three months and spent most of the final two weeks of her life at home, in bed, unable to do anything. her children and my brother were there. the boys would stop by a little but they did not spend as much time as everyone else would have liked. they told me it wasn't a harrowing time for them like it was their dad or the other kids. by this point the four older ones are 20, 19 and 18. they knew it was coming to everyone's attention that they weren't all torn up over it. they also said my brother's late wife kept looking at them and waiting to see if they would say something else. they had no idea what. they weren't present when she did pass. they were doing their own thing. my brother as well as his two stepchildren are furious with the boys. they are furious they showed up without any kind of grief when she was alive, they are furious they didn't stick around as much as her bio children did and they are furious that her death does not seem to have had a big impact on the boys. my brother ranted at the boys and asked where their hearts were and why they acted like they didn't just lose another mother and why they acted like a member of their family dying was no big deal. he ranted to other members of our family that he should just ignore them and let them move on and protect the other kids from the callousness that the boys have shown. he asked me how he was supposed to carry on with his sons as if they didn't prove to everyone that they never cared even the tiniest amount about the boys. he also told me that he and his stepchildren were aware his wife was waiting for the boys to say i love you to her before she passed. he said they never told her that. i suggested he should attend therapy before he does anything, to think things through, because he has just suffered another very major loss. he grew angry and called me patronizing and claimed i belittled his justified feelings. aita?

nta

nta. your brother is a major asshole. he can’t expect his children that aren’t related to his second late wife to feel the same grief as him. if my half brother’s mom died, id be upset for them but i wouldn’t be that sad. she’s not my mom. it’s unfair of him to expect them to have the same grief.

you're nta, and you're right about your brother. he will shred the last bond with his oldest boys if he doesn't get help.

128ih8s

aita for being upset with my parents for how they handled my wedding?

my parents are extremely unhappy that i chose to marry outside the culture, although they have admitted to liking my husband as a person. they obviously knew about my wedding well in advance and assured me that, despite their disapproval, they would attend. the day before my wedding, they called to say that they'd be leaving immediately after the ceremony and wouldn't stay for dinner or dancing. my husband and i explained to them that with the logistics of how the schedule was set up, that would cause a huge scene. we asked them to please wait until everyone got up to dance, that way they could slip out unnoticed. they agreed. at the wedding, right when everyone sat down for dinner, my father informed me that he'd pre-ordered a taxi and my parents would be leaving immediately. i reminded him of our conversation the day before and he insisted that both my husband and i misunderstood and he never promised to stay. my parents left while everyone was seated for dinner. needless to say, it was very noticeable. the next day, i found out that instead of a wedding gift, my parents had donated to a charity in my name - a charity that i'm against. they're perfectly aware of charities that i do support, so when i asked them why they chose that one, they said they thought my husband supported it (he doesn't). at that point, emotions were high and i was quite upset. they then got upset with me, saying i was ungrateful and most parents in their situation wouldn't have come to the wedding at all. before all this happened, we had scheduled a dinner with the two families so that my husband's parents (who don't live in the same country as us) can get to know my parents. my parents said they didn't want to have the dinner with us anymore because they were upset with me. i explained that i was upset with them too but there were other people's feelings involved, people who have done nothing wrong, and my husband and his family would be deeply offended if my parents passed up on this opportunity to know them. my parents did not attend the dinner. i'm unbelievably upset right now. i appreciate the fact that they feel they've made a huge sacrifice by attending the wedding, but certain aspects of how they handled the issue feel malicious. am i missing some perspective here? am i the asshole?

nta

nta. what the fuck is wrong with your parents?! they like your husband, but because he's "not your culture" they need to be complete assholes? that's some xenophobic behavior if i've ever seen it. i'd just completely give up on them, at least for a while. maybe they'll come around, maybe they won't, but honestly, no loss at this point.

nta if it's that much of a "sacrifice" for them explain you understand how much pain its caused them and in future then don't need to bother attending future events at all. they've shown multiple times they don't care about you or your husbands feelings so why are you so desperate to cater to theirs? if they want to die on this hill then let them

128iirf

wibta if i didn’t pay my mom back for her birds that died at my house?

my mom wanted me to bird sit her three birds. two of them randomly died. i brought them into the vet and had a necropsy done on both. nothing came up so i paid to have one sent to histopathology. i also paid to have them both privately cremated. all in all about 600 dollars. one of my birds is also sick and currently in the hospital i’ve spent 2300 on him. i’m a college student i don’t have a ton of money and i’m really stressing this, i have no clue whether to pay her back or not. i think i may be the asshole if i don’t pay her back because they did die in my care. edited to add: my boyfriend doesn’t think i should pay her back edited again to add: my mom wants me to pay her back the actual price of the birds

nta

nta you did everything you could, you paid a lot of money for answers as well. i think you’re good ~~did she even ask for money??~~ eta: i stand by my judgement, moms wild

nta as long as you weren't negligent in their care. they had appropriate feeding/water/accommodation and, like, you have birds of your own so you're not ignorant in their basic care i assume? were her birds parrots that were more bonded with her than anyone else, or were they standoffish with her and preferred each other's company? i usually had birds that were happy with other-bird company and weren't too attached to humans (canaries and budgies) but i've known parrots who didn't cope well being away from their human no matter how good their temporary carer was.

128iq2c

aita for not leaving later?

i (27f) and my friend (32f) (i will call her monica) were invited at a bday party at our friend's place (25m). we both have children. since my friend is a single mother i asked my husband if he could watch her son too (he was staying home anyways and the kids were supposed to go to sleep when we were leaving) and he agreed. my friend had an appointment in the morning so i didn't expect us to stay long anyways (and she wouldn't have slept over) but i told her a few days prior that i wouldn't stay longer than 12:30am -1 am bc i was working all week and then taking care of my son once i came home (i have to get up at 6:30am for work but sometimes my son wakes up early like on monday he woke up at 4:30am...) so we went to the party and i knew i at least had to stay until midnight bc my friend's birthday is on april 1. at 12:30 am i told monica that i would like to leave in half an hour. i was tired and since i was driving i also knew it wouldn't be safe for me to drive extremely tired, especially since my son woke up around 1 am the night before and i had to wake up to go to work so i was already extremely tired. my friend wanted to stay longer and asked around if anyone else could drive her and if not she would take the bus. my friend's mom then thought this would be dangerous. idk we live in small town and we both have taken the bus at that time (even at 16 yo bc that's the legal drinking age here) and we have always been safe. she then proceeded to say that she would try to drive her home later bc she didn't drink much alcohol. she also seemed surprised that i was already leaving. i told her i didn't just have my son to watch in the morning but also my monica's son. and i didn't know what time they would wake up. this made me feel like ta but i wasn't willing to stay longer bc i said in advance that i wouldn't and i was extremely tired and exhausted. as predicted i didn't get much sleep and i am exhausted (i have sleeping problems but today the cat also scratched on our door all night. itsv1 pm and i asked ny friend and hour ago when she would pick up her son. she's read the message but hasn't answered.. so aita?

nta

nta. seems like you’re more mature than your older friend

nta. you were honest and up front with your friend and you need to do things that are safe and appropriate for you.

128iqoi

aita for making baked beans and sausage in the morning

some background i (m18) am currently living with my parents (m54 & w 51), i also have a sister (w16). i am overweight and have some problems with eating to much sweets. also we are frogs culture were eating warm breakfast isn't really a thing. so to the story: today i woke up at around 7am, having alread planned to got eat some beans in the morning, i swung myself on a bike and rode to a grocery store and bought (with my own money) some baked beans and sausage. at around 8am i made them on the stove, during which my sister entered the kitchen to make herself ready for training, she didn't care about what i was making. after having successful "cooked" my breakfast, i began cleaning up. like putting the pans in the dishwasher and also getting rid of any fat that got onto the induktion stove. at around 8:40am my mother came down, and started accusing me of using the kitchen and eating. i said that was true. and she kinda flipped out. started ranting about me eating too much and how dare i make myself beans in the morning and saying how unnatural that is, why didn't i just eat some bread. and kicked me out of the living room. note: we don't have rules against using the kitchen so aita?

nta

nta. this does not need an explanation. your mom is the asshole.

nta you purchased the food with your own money and you cleaned up after yourself. i don't really see the issue. if your mother is concerned with your weight, she could have an adult conversation with you instead of yelling at you like a child. are beans and sausage the healthiest thing to eat? no. but it doesn't sound like this is something you do very often based on your other comments, and everything in moderation, as they say. as an aside, i always struggled with my weight and when i was a teenager/still living at home, my mother sometimes made comments about what i was eating that were quite hurtful. while it came from a place of love and concern, it contributed to my very unhealthy relationship with food. if you're so inclined, talk to your mother and tell her you would rather she talk to you about her concerns than make rude comments about your meals.

128it87

aita for making my cousin trip over and give them a huge wound?

my younger cousin (13f) has a huge age gap with me. so when i was with her i always had to be more ‘mature’ around her. but since i was little she always stole a few small stuff from my room. such as homemade bracelets, charms or photo cards whenever she came over. i didn’t really mind it and just thought it as giving a gift to her. she probably thinks i don’t notice. but a few days ago i bought accessories to give as a gift to my friend, but i knew that my cousin will steal this so i put it on top of my shelf where you have to stand on a chair to reach. yesterday when she came over i was in the lounge with my relatives, when i heard a huge sound from my room. obviously it was my cousin that fell on the floor from the chair. she started to cry and tell all my relatives what happened, and it was about how she was standing on top of the chair to get my stuff from the shelf and how she lost balance and fell to the floor. she got a pretty big wound because she scratched her ankle on the tip of the chair and probably broke some bones. her dad got so mad at me and got the accessory that was on top of the shelf and just gave it to my cousin. half of my relatives got mad at them because they knew about how my cousin always stole stuff from my room. but the other half got mad at me for leaving such a big wound on a little girl’s ankle just because i was being petty. i didn’t want things to get this big but honestly i am starting to feel bad about the scar my cousin got and how she might get insecure or get bullied about it, and how i probably ruined the whole reunion for my relatives.

nta

>but the other half got mad at me for leaving such a big wound on a little girl’s ankle just because i was being petty. what. did you take a knife and slash her leg? how can people be mad at you for the wound on her leg. nta. the stealing is stealing. it's unacceptable. she should get disciplined for stealing. how would she know to look on the top shelf of your closet - does she rifled through all your drawers? your uncle is an enabling jerk.

nta. how did your cousin know the stuff was on top of the shelf? the dad is ta. also rfi: broken bones??? wouldn’t the first reflex be to go to the hospital instead of giving the accessories?

128iyk4

aita for doing my own thing during a friend vacation?

recently a group of friends and i went on a trip together to ireland. it was 3 close friends, my gf, and me. my girlfriend, let’s call her sarah and one of the other friends planned out the whole trip, including where we were staying and what we would do. they asked the other 3 of us for input during planning but none of us really looked anything up. now, sarah is very much a type a person. she likes to have every minute of a trip planned out whereas i’m definitely a type b go with the flow and see what happens person. we spent about a week there and in that week went from dublin to cork to galway and stopped at a few places in between. on the second day in ireland we did a walking tour and i asked the tour guide places he thought were cool, he gave me a list and from that list i decided i wanted to check out a number of them, sarah said that we didn’t have time to see all those places because we had other things planned so i told her i’d just do my own thing and meet up with them later on. this became a thing during the trip where i’d go off on my own and do my own thing, i just think it’s cool to randomly stumble upon places organically than have it all planned out. eventually the group came along with me and we’d do things together that, i thought, we were all having a fun time doing. after we got back to the us sarah was annoyed with me, she said that i prevented them from doing things that they planned out and were looking forward to. i told her that she could have done those things and i was fine doing things on my own but she seems mad about that. she said if i had so many things i wanted to do i should have planned them out and put them on the shared itinerary. she said i didn’t think about her and the time she spent planning everything out just to not get to do several things because we did what i wanted to do instead. i don’t see why i have to do what she planned out or why she’s annoyed at me for missing things that she could have done without me. am i the asshole?

yta

the issue isn't that you did your own thing, it's that you ended up derailing whatever group stuff sarah had planned when everyone started joining you. you knew she had things planned, you didn't offer any input before the trip, and then you made the planning a waste of time and energy. this should have been discussed before the trip so there would be times for group activities and times for organic exploring. yta

yta. sarah and the other friend asked for input and none of you could be bothered to get involved. i think you should have been upfront about the fact that you didn't like what sarah had organised and planned to go off and do your own thing. this isn't about type as and type bs, it's about basic communication and respect. your gf put in a lot of effort here and your attitude is basically 'i don't care'.

128j2fv

aita for not wanting to invite my half siblings to my 21st birthday party?

my fiance and some friends of ours are throwing me a 21st birthday party and my family are invited as well. my problem is my half siblings, specifically my mom's children from her first marriage. before my parents were together they were both married to other people and had kids with other people. both lost their spouses. they remarried within 3 years of their first spouses deaths. my half siblings from my dad are still very much a part of my life and we're good. not as close as they are to each other which i understand. but my mom's kids have not been around in years. they were never mean and i don't remember any fighting. but when my half sister turned 18 (she's mom's oldest) she told my mom that she didn't want to be part of the family anymore and that she'd never been able to see us all as her family. my two half brother's followed with the same explanation a couple of years later when they turned 18. i believe mom still talks to them about twice a year. but i have not seen or heard from them in more than a decade. they were invited to graduations (mine and my full sister's), they were invited to other birthday parties, they were invited to my parents 20th wedding anniversary party, invited for family christmas dinners and stuff. they never came. i accepted some years ago that they were simply not interested and i feel like it's okay. i have no bad memories of them. and by now they're just strangers to me. mom told my fiance she could send invites to her older kids if he gave her three. he told her they weren't on the list i gave him for people i wanted there. she then came to me, along with dad, and asked why i never told my fiance or friends that she'd know how to invite them. i told her i wasn't planning to invite them, that i didn't want to either. that after all these years we're strangers and i'd rather not send out invites for them to be ignored. she told me i should do it for her. that maybe one day they will feel differently and we need to give them that chance. my dad told me it wouldn't be fair to invite some siblings but not all. aita?

nta

nta, your party, your guest list. maybe your parents want to hang onto hope that these older half-sibs will come around eventually. they can go on inviting them to every function they have and see their invites ignored each time. but *you* certainly don't have to on your special day. eta: btw, that goes for your eventual wedding too. save those rsvps for people who'll wanna be there.

*she told me i should do it for her.* why? is it her 21st birthday. your reason is valid, instead of them ignoring you again, you can ignore them. enjoy your party nta

128jevx

aita for my aunt's guests at my work event embarrassing me on my first day of work?

yesterday i (23f) started my new job at a dealership. i found out we were having a special event later that day and i thought it would be fun to go to. i invited my aunt (34f) and she invited her friend (probably her age, f) and then the friends dad (about 50-60m). i had never met these people but they seemed cool at first. i also had two of my girlfriends from high school show up to hangout with me. they had asked me who i thought my cutest coworker was so far so i pointed him out. mind you i hadn't even spoken to this guy yet, i don't even know his name, we were just doing typical girl talk. so later in the night my aunt comes up to me laughing and tells me her friends father had written a note saying i have a huge crush on that specific coworker and gave it to him. she also said the coworker was going around showing other people the note and laughing with them. the look and my friends and i's faces was just complete horror. none of us found this funny. i instantly tell her that was not okay and that it was my first day of work and she just embarrassed me. i also mentioned that i do have a boyfriend and that just makes it even weirder. she kind of just walked away. i was about to start crying so my friends and i left. my aunt starts blowing up my phone saying that i'm being overdramatic and that it was just plain fun. she says since its a joke i need to get over it and laugh about it. she did also call me an asshole in the texts. i'm not very good at dealing with embarrassment and i am considering not going back to work there at all. i'm supposed to be there in two hours and i can't bring myself to want to go back. she also went up to the guy after i left and told him it was a joke, that i have a boyfriend, and also that i was considering not returning. she told me he said that i should return to work, but now that just adds on another layer of embarrassment. so, aita for being mortified and not wanting to return reddit?

nta

wow, that is some high school bs there. no, not even high school. that’s middle school behavior. your aunt, her friend, and her friend’s father behaved like a pack of hormone-addled 13 year olds. that was some nasty bullying. i’d suggest going in and saying that you have no idea what your aunt thought she was doing, or why she’d try to make your new job so awkward for everyone involved. it was mean and childish, and you’re going to have to have a serious talk with her about why she did it. tell him that you hope he wasn’t too upset by her behavior, and that you’re sorry she targeted him to embarrass you. as for your aunt - i’d write a letter explaining that her behavior wasn’t just not funny, it was vicious, cruel, and befitting a middle school bully, and cut her off until a) you feel better and b) she thinks about how badly she behaved and takes responsibility for it. nta, but your aunt’s behavior is shocking.

nta that’s ridiculous.

128jfbf

aita for not wanting to talk about a classmate who passed?

i (20m) had a classmate in my course recently passed, and the school is holding a service in her memory. i along with the rest of the class was asked to prepare a letter about her for the service. i said absolutely not. i barely talked to the girl at all, the only i ever knew about her was that she loved collecting bird feathers cause she showed me the box while we were working a project together. i didn’t even fully remember her name before the announcement. i feel like it’d be disrespectful to pretend i knew stuff about her and that we were friends. they told me that it’s more disrespectful to refuse to participate in the remembrance of who she was, and that it shows a lot about my true character. aita? eta: i’ve already spoken to her parents in person and gave my condolences

nta

nta, what school pressures a student to grieve in the schools way? especially so horribly, it shows a lot about your true character? what, to respect the dead and their family instead of participating in a pr stunt? admitting bias, my school also had a classmate die, unfortunately. they publicised how close they were to the classmates and how they'll always be missed in the school. then turn around like yzma "he ain't getting any deader", even removed the plaque they had made because it was bad morale to remind everyone what happened. i've also had a lot of close deaths happen. you didn't know her to remember and celebrate who she was. in my opinion, it would be more disrespectful to pretend to know the girl than to refuse participation.

nta not only are you not obligated to participate but it's not disrespectful to not want to try to pretend to have known about her. i actually think it's going to disrespectful that the class or school would try to forced students to participate.

128jipy

aita won't call dads wife mom

my (33f) parents (62f and 65 m) divorced 20 years ago. at 25 i left my home country to work abroad, and my dad met r (67f) within the same year. i got married to my husband (34m) 5 years ago, and we live in his home country. when our son was born almost 4 years ago, i gave r the title of grandmother to my child. 3 years ago, my dad and r got married. r has two children with her late husband, both in their 40s (m+f). last year, rs son had his first child and a month later we had our second. it was decided that my dad and r would travel to visit her son and then come to us on their way back in january. my dad and i share a passion for gardening, so i took him and r to see my local garden shop. i introduced one of the owners to my dad and r. my exact words were :"this is my dad, and his wife, r". all good, they exchange hellos and we leave. that night, after a few glasses of wine, r decided to tell me that she was hurt and offended by how i introduced her. surprised by this i asked her to explain. she refused but also would not let it go. eventually, she stated she wanted to be called mom. i tried to be nice and explain to her that this was not going to happen. i have a mom, and we are incredibly close. i told her that i believe i gave her a higher title, grandmother. this was not good enough and she pressed the issue, and eventually got onto wanting a higher title than my mom. her reasoning: she can financially give my children more than either of my parents can. she is very wealthy, while my parents are not. i told her that my kids and i don't want or need her money. again this wasn't good enough, and she would not let it go. it went around in circles for a few hours and a lot more was said regarding her relationship with her own mom and her daughter. i eventually went outside to cool down, as i had become increasingly agitated by all this and i was trying to keep the conversation respectful and find a resolution. there was none, as when i got back inside she had gone to bed. i had through this situation, asked my dad not to get involved, as this was an issue between her and i. he agreed she was out of line though. things were obviously tense the rest of their visit, even though she claimed in private to my dad that she didnt remember anything. they left, and i haven't heard from her since. my dad and i are good, i apologized to him for my part in it all and anything said that hurt him. i plan to go home in about a month with my 2 kids. ofourse i will see my dad and r, and i anticipate it being awkward. so this has been coming back to me a lot in the lead up to my trip. i wonder if this is a thing and if i'm being disrespectful. i have lost a lot of respect for r because of her bringing her money into things, but she is very good to my dad and brother who lives near them. so i wanted to know if iata for refusing to give my dad's wife the title of mom (or higher)? edit. paragraphs edit to add some information regarding the grandparent titles and my own mom. where i come from we speak multiple languages. my mom speaks language a (english) so she is grandmother in english, but also chose her own grandparent name. my dad and his wife speak language b, so are grandfather and grandmother in language b. my mom does not have issue with this in any way.

nta

nta that’s a title that’s has to be earned. but given your age, it’s just weird that she would expect that in the first place

nta. that title is not purchased. her behaviour is narcissistic

128k5ex

aita for not inviting my cousin’s step brother to my wedding?

aita for not inviting my cousin’s step brother to my wedding? i 23f am getting married later this year. i am very close to my 1st cousin 23f and she is one of my bridesmaids. 9years ago her dad, my uncle, 50m got remarried to her step mom. my cousin does not like her step mom and i have only had a handful of interactions with the step mom over the past 9 years. i did meet the step brother one time years ago however, i have spoken to him only one other time since when he randomly showed up at my sisters reception uninvited. so i decided i would only invite my uncle and his wife to the wedding and not the step son. this came up in conversation with my grandmother 70f and she demanded that i give them another invite for the step brother. she has not contributed any money to my wedding and she has made it very clear she does not like my fiancé. so i told her i will not be inviting him and if he shows up there will not be a seat or food for him (we are having a food truck and only purchased enough tickets for the people invited). she then started to yell at me and told me i was being unreasonable and needed to get over myself and that it isn’t just about me. she then tried to ask my fiancé and he also said no. she has now been complaint about me to the rest of the family. so aita? also, my fiancés parents and my fiancé and i are the only ones paying for the wedding. no money is being given from my side of the family grandma does not like my fiancé because he has a lot of tattoos and piercings and she is a very classic southern woman. my relationship with my grandmother has always been strained since i have always been one to do things that she does not approve of.

nta

nta - if you’ve only met him once why would he be invited. i personally wouldn’t invite someone i’d only met once to my wedding. jesus i’ve got people i know well that i probably wouldn’t invite nevermind strangers.

nta. it’s your wedding. maybe grandma should be disinvited since she doesn’t like your fiancé and probably doesn’t support the wedding

128k9c2

aita for being a bit perturbed with my boyfriend?

hello everyone. i'm a bit conflicted on this subject. i'm on mobile so if format is bad...my apologies. i (33f) have been dating my boyfriend (50m) for 4 years today. today is our anniversary. yay, i think. i've been thinking about this for a while, trying to figure out if me being a little upset is justified. well i should get to the reason for my needing advice. so for christmas, all he did was give me $100 and told me to get whatever i wanted as my christmas present. which i think if fine, just not much thought going into it. then came my birthday in january. i waited until a week after my birthday and kinda brought up that we never did anything for it. he got upset and said something along the lines of fine we can go out to eat or something. now in the past he has always taken me out to eat and gotten me some kind of stuffed animal. but this year he didn't do anything. i was understanding because he didn't get paid til the week after my birthday. that's why i waited. valentine's day comes around and he gives me a card with $40 in it. great. ok. i'm fine with not having a lot of money spent on me. it actually makes me uncomfortable. but on none of these occasions did he really spend time with me. for some background, he moved in with me and my mom and daughter back in october. he only pays $600 a month to help with rent and bills. am i the asshole for feeling a little forgotten or upset and the lack of thought going into these things? please be nice in the comments. thank you.

nta

nta - awful gifts!! it’s not the gift itself, but the lack of thought & care that went into them. i would say a serious conversation would be a good idea!

nta. your boyfriend is giving you gifts an uncle would give. also, he’s almost 20 years older than you. do you really want to be pushing his wheelchair in your 40s?

128k9qi

wibta for not wanting to visit my sister after she told me her partner is allergic to dogs?

using a throwaway account because family uses reddit. i (m22) have a small dog (6) and we had no issues with my sister nor her partner. here’s what happened: yesterday i was visiting her because she needed help at home because her partner had a 24h shift. as always my dog was with me and he was well behaved and sat in a place the whole time. also i promised that i would visit them today again and bring my switch to keep the 4 year old entertained (he has a fractured leg and shouldn’t move too much). today my sister told me that his partner suddenly developed an allergy towards dogs because his eyes got itchy when he came home after work and when i’m visiting her today my dog should stay in the garden alone. i told her that i won’t do that because he’s not used to it, it’s cold and windy. i didn’t tell her yet that i’m not visiting. we received a text message from her partner (while i was on the phone with my sister) where he basically wrote the same thing what my sister told me. my mum got furious and called my sister and it turned out that my sister would be mad at me for not coming because i promised that i would bring my switch and so on and she thinks that the dog staying outside is a reasonable request. my mum said that we won’t come as our clothing/ car is also full of dog hair. i totally can understand that the dog shouldn’t come and allergies can suddenly develop but i think i can refuse to come if my dog suddenly isn’t allowed inside. so wibta? he barks the whole time i’m away. he can stay only 30-60 min completely alone for now. (still in training) usually i have someone to watch him. i just don’t want to visit her today/ tomorrow because on short notice i don’t have anyone. in the future i will visit my sister without the dog. i just need a few days notice so i can plan it properly. another the last 6 years there was absolutely no issue with my dog being with us. i don’t expect to bring him anywhere without asking first.

nta

nta situation changed so plans had to change. she (sister) needs to grow up. the dogs behavior when left alone isn’t going to change just because the situation changed. op is dealing with the present reality, not a hypothetical you-shoulda-done-it-like-this universe. and none of this even matters if just walking in the door after the dog was gone caused the reaction. mom is correct that the dander on the clothes and belongings could still be a problem. also, to anyone questioning the sudden allergy, you’re not allergic to something until you are. yes, it can happen that quickly.

nta, he suddently got an allergie, and could only tell you like 10 minutes before you are suppost to come?

128kqjc

aita for calling the cops on my neighbors for loud music

i live in a quiet neighborhood, have lived here all of my life. have never felt unsafe or particularly annoyed with any neighbor, strictly a live and let live human, that is until last year when i moved into my own apartment with partner. below us live 2 girls. they are not the problem, however the men bring around are an issue in more ways than one. when they are not smoking weed outside of the building in the middle of the night, they are in the apartment blasting edm music, right below my bedroom we have even caught them driving while intoxicated up and down the st. if it is in the middle of the day i let it go, or if it is a weekend…this has been happening for a while now. they are not friendly and not answer the door when i knock. last night i had enough, now i know it was only 11pm and and it was a friday night but i had work the next day i couldn’t handle how loud the music was, i first tried stomping on the floor, out of pure rage, but that only made them put the volume higher. so i decided to go downstairs and knock, i knocked for several minutes and they only answered after i had given up. the guy who answered looked like he was on a different planet he was so high. i said can you please lower the music, and he started saying non-stop it’s the tv it’s the tv…it was not the tv. i said you know this has happened quite a few times now and it is getting very difficult for me because i want to maintain a good neighbor relationship, he says it’s friday and only 11pm it’s not like it’s 2am…to which i said this a small neighborhood, every house has children living in it, it’s a city, please lower the volume or i will have to call the police, he said you can call them, go ahead call them see what happens…so i did. i called the cops on the it was around 11:30pm. all this while he has the music still going, now, i know it was friday night b it this is something that has been going on for almost 2 years now and i frankly cannot loose sleep…the cops didn’t do much, they lawfully can’t but i wanted to see how messed up he was just incase anything happens. this is not behavior you see in this small place so they’ll take note i know…on top of calling the cops i reached out the landlord who will be speaking to in the morning…i guess i’m curious if i’m just quiet town hick who thinks 11pm is too late to be blasting music when it’s perfectly fine. aita?

nta

nta, assuming things are true as written and this is not an exaggeration. 11pm is not perfectly fine. most cities have bylaws against it. complain to the cops/city (whatever is appropriate where you live) and the landlord every time this happens. also, i think the drunk driving is even worse then the noise. that could *kill* someone. if you are sure they are drunk, and they do it again, call the cops.

i've called the non-emergency line on my neighbors for their loud music numerous times... i wasn't the only one that has called... nta

128l49j

aita for kicking my gf out of the house about what she said to my best friend?

this happened last friday on my (23f) birthday party. it was the first time my gf (24f) met my friends, we are together for 13 months now. like every relationship we had our ups and downs but i always thought we worked it out pretty good, now a few days after my birthday party my close friends start to point out that it was me who worked stuff out but honestly i don’t know. i met my girlfriends friends rather early but she never really wanted to meet mine, i got along pretty good with hers. this is relevant due to the fact that her male best friend (25m) we never got along especially after he told me he always had a crush on my girlfriend and how sad it was she is lesbian. honestly i do not want to sound like i want to isolate her but since she does not enforce any kind of boundaries between him and her i don’t feel comfortable with him. for example when we were 6 months together she slept with him in her bed why i slept on a mattress on the floor after he requested it. i told her many times that i didn’t feel comfortable with the way she didn’t show any boundaries to him. now after over a year i finally got her to also meet my friends at my birthday party. i am a very family and friends focused person and my closest friends are family to me, that’s why it is and was so important to me that she knows them. the whole night i had a feeling that she really didn’t want to be there, she was cold and quiet, looked feed up and gave every one stares. this made me a bit angry since she didn’t have to agree to come, she could have said that she’s uncomfortable with meeting all my friends at once, yet she never really seemed to make an effort to meet them at all. attending this gathering was also my best friend (24f), we grew up together since our grandparents are neighbours and both our parents worked full time. she (my best friend) is to be married in june this year and i am her made of honour, my gf doesn’t know of this since their invitations aren’t out yet and she would be my plus one. maybe all of this wouldn’t have happened if my girlfriend wouldn’t have just sat in a corner and glare at every one that wanted to talk to her. it all escalated over the gift my best friend made me, my girlfriend called her a slut and a few more things i don’t want to repeat here. the gist is that “how dare she flirt with me” and to “know her place”. i lost it and am not proud of the words i used but i was angry, why couldn’t she just act nice for 5 hours and suck it up. so i yelled back at her that i was sick of her hypocrisy and why she had such a problem with people that are close to me, then i told her to get out of my house and ignored her texts. during the following two days basically all her friends asked what happened or called me an ah for kicking her out and letting her drive home at 9 pm. so aita for kicking my gf out of the house for what she said to my best friend? [edit] since i saw someone asking…. the gift from my best friend were concert tickets to my favourite artist including a night and extra day stay in the city there to do some sightseeing. also thanks for the birthday wishes.

nta

nta. was there a tornado coming after 9pm or some other disaster, why is driving home at 9pm an issue? your gf is not considerate of you and doesnt care about your feelings. making you sleep on the floor while she and her best friend (male) slept in the bed is unconscionable

nta. this is a huge red flag. you should not only kick her out of your house, but also out of your life!

128l6hh

aita for using my sisters toothbrush

throwaway me (m17) and my sister (f15) are on holiday at the moment, for context we are packing light so we only packed one charger since we have the same make of toothbrush only in different colours, anyway last night it ran out of battery so i put it on charge the next morning i found her toothbrush on charge and mine was still out of battery, meaning she just took mine off charge immediately after i left the room i still needed to brush my teeth so i swapped my brush head with hers and used her toothbrush since it was charged, after i was done i cleaned it and swapped the brush heads back, next thing is she is banging on my door and shouting at me calling me all sorts of names because i used her toothbrush, and was complaining to my mum and dad about it, i explained that i had swapped the brush heads and the only reason it was wet was because i washed it after i used it, and that the only reason why i used it was because she took mine off charge even though hers was charged the night before and she was just being selfish, my parents said i should have just brushed without the motor but that wouldn't clean my teeth well and i value my personal hygine tldr; my sister took my electric toothbrush off charge so i brushed my teeth using my brush on her handle, now everyone is annoyed at me like im in the wrong aita

nta

nta at first i was disgusted, but as soon as you explained changing the heads of the brush then it all became okay. if she was so worried about you using her toothbrush body then she shouldn't have taken yours off the charger.

nta. you changed the heads and she caused your toothbrush to be stay out of battery. you didn’t do anything wrong.

128mfac

aita for having the same argument with my brother over and over again, not accepting i am in the wrong

my brother (21m) and i (14f) keep having the same argument every weekend over and over again. a little info before i start explaining, my brother is in college, in another city and he comes home every friday and stays till monday. i am in middle school. the argument usually starts when my brother complains for the 100th time about only him going to the store and not me, he claims that he always goes and that i'm too lazy to go, which can be true sometimes but in my defense, i do chores and housework and he doesn't and that's what angers me because he always goes to the store and complains 10 minutes before he leaves and again when he comes back. i always argue with him because that's the least he could do instead of not doing chores but his defense is that he needs to study and doesn't have time for it but he has time to go out with his friends every night somehow? then he begins to talk about my grades and how bad they are and how i'm only out with my friends all day, how i sleep till noon etc.(my grades aren't that bad except for math, but all the other classes are pretty fine. for the going out part, it's true sometimes, but i'm just having fun plus i don't go out everyday or everyweekend. and he thinks i sleep till noon because i get out of my room then but i usually wake up at 9am and don't go out unless i need to.) and then i start talking about how he needs a job and needs to pay for his own shit and not take mom's money, especially for cigarettes, and that's basically how our argument goes on everytime. my mom stops the argument because we're annoying her and she tells me that i am in the wrong? i don't think i am in the wrong because he seriously needs to get a job and his excuse for that is that he worked during summer, which i don't think is enough. he needs to learn and stop complaining about the same little thing. i think i am the one in the right, but they think i'm not, so really, am i the asshole? (sorry for all the grammatical mistakes, this is my first ever post!)

esh

esh you and your bro are both being brats (although your brother is easily the bigger brat for complaining about a quick trip to the store) and your mom isn't doing anything to help either of you. she'd rather just shut everything down rather than have discussions that need to be had and really should have happened a long time ago. it's your mom's choice to support your brother financially while he's in college. it's not your place to tell him to get a job or to tell your mom what to do with her money, nor to tell him what to do with the money he gives her. there needs to be some mom law laid down in your house, but you're not the one to do it.

esh. stop getting into his business. the fact he doesn’t have a job, how he lives his life- it’s his problem, it’s your moms problem- it’s not yours. besides- arguing with him over and over again- you are not going to convince him he’s wrong, just like he’s never going to convince you. stop arguing with him. just ignore him. leave the room if you have to. don’t act annoyed- stay calm. have no reaction. if you don’t argue back and ignore him, your mom is just going to get annoyed with your brother & tell him to shut up.