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1264nlx

aita for seeing an old friend during a weekend trip?

a little background: my (20f) best friend (20f), may, and a mutual friend (20f) of ours, gen, had recently stopped talking as m heard through a grapevine that gen had been spreading gossip about her. a few weeks ago i had made plans to go stay the night with a friend, a(21f), in a different town. i had a little free time after i left a, and decided to go visit gen for a couple hours before my train. i posted it on my bereal two weeks later i realised may and i hadnt spoken and asked if she wanted to hang out bc i missed her but also because gen had started talking about may and told me things may had said about me before i could shut it down. i wanted to talk about what i'd heard from gen so i didn't jump to conclusions. may told me she wasn't free to hang out that week and said that she was busy with uni work. later in the week may was posting on her social medias showing her hanging out w friends often. this hurt my feelings as she had said she was too busy for plans. a few days later i messaged may asking her if there was anything wrong. she took over 24 hrs to message me back and all she said was if i had any idea why she would be mad at me. i told her i did but i couldn't read minds and i wanted to talk about it. she took another 15 hrs to respond and she said that she was tired of having to tell me how to be a good friend and that i was always crossing her boundaries. this confused me as we hadnt talked before about her feeling that i wasn't doing my part as her friend, and about crossing her boundaries the only instance i could think of was that she felt my boyfriend had been "intruding" into our time together. they hadn't been in the same place together for 6 months, and the three of us had recently hung out twice after that. i had raised this to may at the time and i didn't think it would be an issue again as i was already making sure our time together wasn't being "intruded" and had made their contact quite minimal. i responded to her message basically saying what's above and that i wanted to have a conversation about what was going on instead of being condescended. from this point on may would take a few hours to respond between messages and it was very frustrating. she kept replying the same thing about my friendship and that i would cross boundaries, apologize and repeat the behaviour. i sent her a long message saying that i was allowed to go see gen as i don't have the same beef with her and i'm an adult. i said that i was hurt by how she was treating someone she called her best friend, and that i had not gone to see gen with ill intentions and that i had shut down any conversation about her. i said that i respected may enough to address what had been said. she replied saying that she was hurt and that i obviously knew i had done something wrong or i wouldn't be talking about it in the first place, as well as repeating the same thing about boundaries and my friendship. the conversation ended there as i was very hurt by her and we havent spoken since

nta

nta you’re an adult now. hang out who you want to hang with.

nta. i always get wary when someone passive aggressively starts accusing me of crossing boundaries. invisible boundaries. new boundaries. magicallya appearing boundaries never spoken of….ever. like anyone who makes you guess why they’re mad at you… is hella immature and a time waster. she sounds like a lot of drama. life is too short for petty passive aggressive ah’s

1264s9k

wibta for firing my babysitter for letting my kids stay up late?

i34m am married to my husband34m. we have 3 children together ages 10, 9, and 8. we have a strict bedtime for them because they do attend school fairly early, then go to after school sports or clubs most days of the week. we have a babysitter twice a week when my husband and my work schedules clash and once a month for a date night. we recently had to get a new sitter because our last moved away for college. this girl seems really nice, well put together, she’s 23, and had years of experience. she’s been sitting for us the last 2 months. everything was going smooth, my kids really liked her. then yesterday i got a call from oldest clinic saying he kept falling asleep in class and was resting in the clinic. after school i had asked my son what that was about, and he said he stayed up till 11 the night before. he told me she lets him stay up sometimes with him if he promises to wake up on time. all my childrens bedtimes are 9, because they have to wake up at 6 am and have shown they will have issues waking up in the past. i messaged our sitter asking her why she allowed this, and she said that it was an accident but they both got way into the show, and that it wouldn’t happen again. i was speaking to my husband about this, because i am very upset. i gave her direct rules to follow, and i expected them to be followed. i told him i was considering firing her, and my husband said that would be a jerk move, and that she’s new and probably just wanted the kids to like her and to give her another chance. i’m just upset because she blatantly ignored my rules multiple times. i really am still thinking on firing her. wibta?

yta

hol up you found a 23 year old experienced sitter who let one kid, an 11 year old, stay up past their bedtime. the 11 year old experienced the outcome by falling asleep, i’m sure they’ve learned their lesson. you let the sitter know you were displeased. but instead of having a phone conversation, you texted this. firing her would be far more egregious in this situation than your child staying up late. most employers would be having a conversation at this point and explaining the impact of their (bad) decision and giving the person a chance to correct their behavior (good). huge yta if you go this route. learn to communicate in person to regulate your emotional responses instead of going from 0 to 120. text isn’t appropriate for these situations, obviously.

soft yta. yes, you have good rules for very good reasons, but firing her right now might be a bit extreme. your husband is probably correct that she wanted the kids to like her. since she’s said it won’t happen again, explain that the rules must be followed and if it happens again then i would 100% agree with firing her.

1264vha

aita for sleeping in my car?

i'm confused by my own godforsaken behavior so please excuse my post, and let me know what you think. i'm (26f) an ob/gyn resident. i finally got out of the hospital after a hard sleepless shift at 3pm and i decided to get myself a smoothie as a reward for handling that night. i got in my car, got the smoothie and i thought i'd drive back home (it's a 30-minute drive from the hospital). about 10 minutes later i realised i am sleep deprived and i honestly couldn't focus. so i pulled into the nearest alley, set an alarm for 30 minutes later and closed my eyes for a quick nap. a while later i woke up to an old guy banging on my window. i overslept and i'd been there an hour. he was asking me why i was there and what i was doing and etc. he clearly thought i was there for something fishy. i mean, a sleep-deprived woman may look weird but not that weird i suppose. anyway. i was pretty sleepy said i don't see how that matters at all. he told me he would call the cops. i was like sure do it, it's like i broke all the rules. the argument escalated and he accused me of all kinds of mischief you can imagine. i told him he didn't own the parking spot and i could legally be there. right when he was about to make the phone call i said i'd leave. i went into the flower shop on the street and got my girlfriend flowers. he still thought i had an agenda involving all kinds of crimes for still being there. i got the flowers and drove back home. come to think of it, i could have made the whole thing easier if i just bought flowers from somewhere else. my best friend said i made this thing last longer than necessary and the whole situation was avoidable. i'm not still fully awake but i don't know. i'm not normally someome who actively gets on someone else's nerves.

nta

nta. you did the right thing by pulling over and sleeping once you were in no condition to drive. that was the safe choice, regardless of whether old man felt threatened by you or not.

this seems a perfectly reasonable thing to do. it would have been dangerous to drive home tired and you did the most logical and practical thing in that case. nta and i'm sorry your job is so physically and emotionally taxing on you. we appreciate you and the sacrifices you do to keep us all healthy and alive:)

12653j8

aita for calling my sister lazy and idiotic?

i'm a 14 year old boy and my sister is 16. we squabble a bit so we're not always on good terms. another important thing to add is that we go to a karate place a few miles away (which will be important later). the other day my sister and i got appointed purple belts at the place and we're really proud of ourselves for getting this far in a short time (we started in august of last year) so we decided to celebrate. while we were talking to each other about what was next, my sister confessed something: "i think i'll leave once we reach blue belt." this was really surprising, because i've never seen my sister feeling annoyed, or bored while at the place. ​ so we have a bit of an argument about why she isn't staying and it got intense. we were trying our best not to yell, but it was seriously heated. it even got to one point where we stopped talking for the rest of the day. fast forward to now, where i asked once again: "why are you leaving? i thought we had a fun time over the past few months." one thing to add to this is when we started, our dad told us if we wanted to not go to karate and stay home. she agreed. she just shrugged and said 'that she didn't want to disappoint dad.' i told her that she being lazy and idiotic to say this now when we had the chance to months ago. she obviously got mad at me for saying that and left the house to go with her girlfriends. ​ i feel really bad for saying that stuff to her and we haven't talked for a few hours now which worries me about our relationship. nonetheless, i asked my mom for advice, and she told me that i was really rude to call her that, but that i had a point. she then directed me here to ask the entire subreddit about this. am i the asshole? ​

yta

yta. why does it matter to you what she does? you might enjoy having her come to karate with you but to get annoyed about her leaving? >she then directed me here to ask the entire subreddit about this. as a side note, for some reason this just feels like absolute cap.

obviously, yta. come on, dude, if she doesn't like doing it then she doesn't like it. i get that you're disappointed but just find something else to do with her. "i'm sorry. i shouldn't have said that. i was out of line. please forgive me."

1265d1e

aita for telling my mother she’s the problem?

i know the title probably makes it seem that it’s an easy answer, but for me it really isn’t. explaining everything that matters would be basically explaining my life, so i’m going to opt to quickly sum it up. my parents have been divorced since i was young enough to not even remember them being together. my mother has sole custody. i’m currently 15, and my mother is 35. ever since i have been able to remember things, i have been fighting with my mother. it is a constant battle. i have been told that it’s my fault, yet the only ones who have said anything are those in my mothers side of the family. everyone else doesn’t really know that i fight with her everyday. recently i’ve found great comfort in researching things relating to mental health. i do it to know exactly what i’m feeling, why i feel that way, and what to do about it. during that research, i found things related to manipulative parents and the effects. thing is, everything a “manipulative parent” is meant to do, is exactly what my mother does. so during our most recent fight (a few hours ago), that was about me not being able to clean the dishes for about 20 minutes so some pain meds for a headache could kick in, i brought it up. i was so angry and stressed, and i wanted her to know she could stop this if she tried. she got incredibly angry, called me a selfish little bitch, and mentioned how she spends so much money on me (she had bought me a bag of chips and a monster energy earlier today) and that i always cause fights and problems. i broke down and told her that she never listens to me, and i asked her why she never seems to care. she just kept yelling enough and that i got my point across until i stopped crying. after, she said that it’s my fault because i know i shouldn’t tell her i can do something when i actually can’t. (i don’t completely understand how that works though, since i said i was still going to do it and i had no way of predicting a headache) i feel like this isn’t normal, but she constantly tells me parents act like this and kids listen, and i’m just a brat. i don’t know if she’s lying, or i’m really just disrespectful and need to learn to stop. aita? few people told me that she could be a narcissist, so i looked into signs of one. and yeah, spot on. main thing that gives it away if the victim playing. she didn’t do it in the fight i mentioned here, but she does it in most. basically the whole running away to her room or saying that “i think my kids hate me”. i always felt bad because then i felt i was going too far, and gave in and apologized, even if she was completely in the wrong. i really want to thank everyone that mentioned the chance of her being narcissistic. i didn’t think it was possible because it seemed so extreme to accuse her of being narcissistic. finding out she most likely is really changed my view on things. i’ve been trying what you should do with a person diagnosed with narcissism, and it’s been working so far. honestly most of the stress i’ve been carrying has been lifted, because i think i understand how to prevent a fight with her now. for leaving or contacting anyone that can help- i don’t think that’s a good option. i have attempted to speak to others about her and somehow it reaches back to her and she loses it. i have plans on how i can move out very soon after i turn 18, and i’ve been able to get through 15 years of life with her, so i’m going to try and push through these final few 3 years. i plan on cutting contact as well. once again, i’m so, so thankful. it’s incredibly relieving to know i’m not just some disrespectful spoiled kid. i’ve thought that for a very long time, and knowing that it’s not true is amazing.

nta

nta there are serious ongoing issues here. for this fight your mother is clearly wrong. the dishes have to be done right now?!? that's unreasonable unless the child is trying to skip out of the house. i suggest a rinse and repeat method. "i have a headache. i'll do the dishes in a little bit after the medicine starts working." "i have a headache. i'll do the dishes in a little bit after the medicine starts working." "i have a headache. i'll do the dishes in a little bit after the medicine starts working." "i have a headache. i'll do the dishes in a little bit after the medicine starts working." just don't goof off while you wait. if you sit there on your phone or whatever she will think you are just being lazy. i think you know one of the big reasons your dad left.

nta. you told her the truth. read some r/raisedbynarcissists it should hit home and let you know you aren’t alone.

1265dvb

aita for being upset that my schedule revolves around roommate ?

i (f20) live with my bestfriend/roommate (f22). we’ll call her bree for anon reasons. bree and i have lived together for a few years now and aside from a few hiccups here and there , it’s been smooth. we have a basically non spoken rule of not having anyone in the house (with intent to smash) when the other is home. that’s fine. the presenting issue is that i often have to work around bree’s schedule and figure out when she’s home or going to work late. two days ago, bree had on our whiteboard calendar that she was going to her boyfriends house today, and i saw his name there still , last night. so i decided to bring fwb over. he was on his way over and i thought he got here early, but it was bree walking in the door. ( i usually tell fwb to just come in because the door is unlocked). i said “i thought you were going to [boyfriends name]’s house” and she replied “do you read?”. obviously she was implying the calendar, and i’ll admit i do tend to miss updates that she writes on it but between last night and this morning i didn’t really have reason to think she’d remove it. i paused and reiterated what i just wrote , and she said “well plans changed. “ and that was it. i followed it up about twenty minutes later and i asked her why she was mean to me ( i know it sounds childish but i have difficulty with conflicts and approaches so i had to state it the exact way i felt) to which she responded “i just want to be alone right now”. i asked all the questions if she was alright, if something happened , i do care about my bestfriend, but it felt like she deflected for a second. all of her responses appeared to be lies, something was bugging her , and she didn’t want to talk abt it. so she asked what i meant when i asked her why she’s mean to me , and i stated that her coming in and saying “do you read” was a bit rude , and she had thought that me asking abt her prior plans sounded like i was complaining. i tried to explain to her that i had made plans (i didn’t specify what kind of plans ) and her response was “well plans changed.” and just walked into her room. i don’t even know if i’m posting this in the right thread, but i’m upset and this is a common thing that happens, so. aita?

nta

nta and you definitely aren't in the wrong for calling her out this time. the entire requirement that you can't have someone at your home while your roommate is home is utterly bizarre to me. moving past that, if that's something y'all have agreed to it's absolutely on her to keep you informed of any last-minute changes and that should be communicated in a more direct way than on a whiteboard. her "can you read" response is also extremely uncalled for and rude.

nta you guys seem to have a good system in place and it was an honest mistake on your part. i feel you with the conflict stuff so try not to let it get under your skin too much. she sounds like she might just be going through something that doesn’t involve you

1265eby

aita for telling my roomate she was judgemental towards me because of racism (we are both white)

tl;dr at bottom there are 5 of us in the property. me (23m), 3 others i am good friends with (mid 20s), and a new person jess (20f). jess moved in while i was out of town for 2 weeks so we didn't meet for a while after she got here. during my abscence i started getting texts from the other roomates warning me that she seemed hostile towards me, making assumptions that i was inconsidorate and bad-mothing me before we ever met. i love to cook. i was taught by my dad who is a chef and lived for a few years in india, so i grew up on a lot of (authentic) indian dishes and make them frequently. i do the bulk of the cooking in the house and often feed everyone. apparently, straight away after seeing my ingredients she began making comments about how weird they are, how it's rude they all have to deal with my smelly food (they all love the smell, but i always make sure the kitchen is well ventilated so smells don't linger) and how she wont eat anything i make because she eats 'normal' things. apparently bringing it up unprompted enough the others found it odd. when she finally met me jess appeared a bit suprised, and said i 'wasnt what she was expecting'. her attutude towards me seemed to mellow considerably and we have been friendly enough for the last few weeks. today it blew up. i cooked dhansak for everyone, and when my roomate invited jess to join us she refused because it 'looked like sick'. we said she was being rude and she began complaining about how she found the smell offputting. i pointed out she cooks a lot of things i hate the smell of (like eggs and fish) without even opening windows and that i just go elsewhere in the building so it doesn't bother me, so she can do that too because we shouldn't have to stop eating what we like because of her. she insisted it wasn't the same but couldn't explain why. i told jess i knew she was hostile to me about it before she'd ever smelt my cooking, and given she doesn't mind smelly western foods it seems like she just hates it because its foreign. jess got very angry at me for "pulling the race card" (??) and said i'm making out shes being racist to me, and "i'm not racist because you're white" we are all torn. i think while shes not being racist to me she still seems generally a bit racist, but maybe its not my place to say. two think its hilarious, and the other is convinced jess hated me from the start because she assumed i was indian. jess has stormed off to god knows where. so reddit, aita? tl;dr: roomate complained about me cooking indian food before ever meeting me or smelling it. she makes lots of smelly western food. we pointed out the double standard seemed because its foreign and now everyone is fighting over if it's racist because we are both white

nta

so she hated you before she knew your ethnicity, her attitude improved after she found out you're not indian, and after you made an indian dish, she freaked out at you. very sus. nta.

she had a problem with you before meeting you when all she knew was what ingredients you cooked with, and then immediately calmed down when she met you because you "weren't what [she] was expecting"? disregarding everything else for a second, that alone has me thinking, if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck. whether it's racism or xenophobia, who can say. nta.

1265jhl

aita for getting mad at my ex and kicking him out for not buying wrapping paper for our daughter’s first birthday?

i (23 f) share a kid with my ex (34 m). (yes, i know about the age gap, please do not comment about it. i understand the issue. this isn’t what it’s about.) he recently lost his house and job, i offered to let him stay with me for a week. it’s been more than that. he hasn’t payed me rent, for any food, for wifi, water, electricity, anything. even though i told him if he was going to stay longer, he needed to start paying. our daughter will be turning one soon and we went to buy her presents. i took him with to make sure he bought her presents as well as other things as he has never bought her clothes or toys, not even for this christmas. the only thing he has contributed other than his sperm is diapers, thrice. i pay for her food, deal with her long list of medical issues, and daycare. i worked starting since she was 5 mos. i bought a house and put a roof over her head. i got food stamps when i couldn’t keep up. i got her insurance. i’ve bought all her clothes from newborn to 1 year. i have offered him to have him not be her father, no child support needed. but he refused saying it’s his kid. so for her first ever birthday, i bought her cake, a toy, a card, and wrapping paper for her gifts. i bought her ribbons because she loves them and shoes because she just started walking and needs them. and i picked out some clothes and sat with him in the toy aisle for 30 mins edging him to pick a gift. i made him buy those and the gift and diapers, as well as picking out pretty wrapping paper. he refused to buy her a card, some of the clothes, and the wrapping paper. he told me he was just going to “give her the presents.” i lost it. i told him that this was her first birthday and she will never have another. i told him that i wanted to make it special and i would wrap the gifts. he refused. i told him that he hasn’t bought her anything since she was born and he needed to buy this. he again refused and then later said he would “go to the .99 store to buy her a bag.” i told him to get out of my house, saying this was the least he could do since i’m providing everything else, and he has done nothing for her. it’s not about the wrapping paper, it’s about giving her the world, providing her with things to make her happy, no matter how short lived it is. was i the asshole? i’m second-guessing myself and wondering if i should apologize.

nta

nta, but this is so not about the wrapping paper. maybe it was the final straw, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. it sounds like he was taking advantage of having a free place to live, but wants nothing to do with his daughter, despite his insistence that he does. just being present does not make you a parent. you actually have to put effort into it.

nta. this is such a clear nta. you have every right to be angry, and you have every right to insist that this person either puts up or shuts up. i see other people saying the wrapping paper is a small thing, that she won’t care anyway. and that’s true, but it’s not just a small thing. it’s a small thing on a mountain of huge things and medium things. also i just want to say that i’m proud of you for working hard to take care of your baby. i wish you and her both the best.

1265swt

aita for letting my ex-step daughter live with me? my ex wife is now trying to ruin me.

hello, this post is about my ex-stepdaughter mariangel (24 years old), my ex-wife carolina (49 years old) and me (male 52 years old). i met carolina about 9 years ago, mariangel was already a teenager, and her father was never in the picture, but she was always nice to me, shy at the beginning of course, but we built a bond and i still consider her my daughter, she never called me dad, but sees me as family. carolina, on the other hand, changed her attitude after we got married, i thought she was a nice person and a hardworking mother, but after the wedding and the move, she became rude, possessive, jealous, and treated mariangel as her maid. we had our little son and her attitude got worse, i had to take care of that poor child almost by myself. caro expected her daughter to do everything, but i wouldn't let her. mariangel told me she was like this before i came into her life, then she started dating me and it got better, but now it was worse. that's when i knew i couldn't live with carolina anymore and filed for divorce. mariangel is a smart young woman and has a career in it, but after the divorce they moved in with caro's sisters and their children, and it seems that no one in that house has any respect for her. mariangel called me earlier this month and asked if she could come live with me. she was tired of her family using her as their free tech support, so she made a website to help them in a more organized way, but the family was not happy with that and the situation got worse. i told her she could stay with me and she came to my 2 bedroom apartment that same week. she blocked her whole family, but now they are attacking me without mercy. caro even called my boss and tried to get me fired. the police came to my door with a search warrant because "someone" reported me for sheltering a runaway teenager. it was resolved immediately when mariangel showed her driving license, but it shows that caro is escalating. i talked to my brother, my mom, and my dad about this, and they all told me i was stupid for letting my ex-stepchild live with me, that i should have had no contact after my divorce, and this is happening to me because i don't mind my own business. i just wanted to help mariangel because she can't reach her full potential if she doesn't have a safe place to study and work in peace, but now i'm in a quandary and i'm wondering if i was wrong to let her stay.

nta

nta. divorcing a husband/wife doesn't always mean divorcing the children, too. your stepdaughter is an adult, and as such, can decide where she wants to live, and who she stays in contact with. not being related by blood doesn't mean you're not still family. she clearly trusts you enough to want to live with you over her blood relatives, and it was very generous of you to offer to let her live with you.

nta. and your brother and parents are heartless. this isn't about cutting ties with your ex-wife. this is about helping a young person who doesn't have a safe place to go. and you can help the problem with your ex by getting a restraining order, which will prohibit her from having any contact with you, whether directly or using other people to contact you on her behalf.

1265xun

aita for leaving work early occasionally?

so i work as a veterinary assistant full time. the hours are normally 8-6 with an hour for lunch in there somewhere. the job is the kind where some days you get off an hour later than you were supposed to, sometimes you get off earlier than you were supposed to do. when the work is all done, the job is done. i’d say about 50% of the time, we leave on time, and maybe like a 15%:35% split between leaving early vs leaving late, so leaving early doesn’t happen that often. since i’m a va and not a tech, i typically leave before the techs but not by much. i’ve always asked the senior staff if they need anything else, if there’s anything i can do to help before i go, etc. they normally say no but there have been times they’ve said yes and i’ve done whatever they need. it’s never been an issue. now i’ve never had a problem and as far as i know, no one else did either. however, recently i was chatting with the practice manager and she brought it up to me. our chat turned into her basically berating me for “leaving before my shift ends” and how i never stay until 6 and that it creates more work for everyone else and it’s disrespectful, etc. i was shocked by this because i’ve worked there for almost two years and this is the first time anyone has said anything like that. i apologized to her, reminded her of the day before when i stayed until 7:30, and told her that i always ask at least twice to make absolutely sure it’s okay to leave before i do. she then said that it puts the techs in an awkward position and it’s uncomfortable to say yes, they need help. again, no one has ever mentioned anything like this to me before. i ended up apologizing again and took my lunch break to calm down since i nearly had an anxiety attack from that convo. when i clocked back in, i went to the senior techs and apologized to each of them individually for any awkward situations i may have put them in and they all said that they didn’t have a problem with what i’ve been doing, that i always ask, and that they don’t care about if it’s “awkward” or not as they don’t feel that way if there is still things to do. i of course don’t want to make more work for others but the techs said that i hadn’t. i’ve added an additional time that i ask them now, so if it looks like i’ll be leaving early because we’re done with everything early, i ask three different times now to make 100% sure it’s okay. the practice manager has since brought it up twice now and has said it was “teasing” when one of my coworkers stood up for me. i’ve been stewing on this for a few weeks and just don’t know if i’m genuinely in the wrong here or not. aita? info: the practice manager doesn’t work on an hourly basis, she sometimes is there until 7 or leaves at 5, it’s her discretion. most of the time, she leaves before me.

nta

nta but… if you are an hourly employee, you should be paid according to the number of hours worked. it also means you should work the hours you were hired for. it’s unfortunate that the case manager isn’t being flexible, but if they’re complaining, so are the others no matter what they said to you. so follow the schedule. you arrive on time, take your lunch, leave when your shift is over. this also means you don’t stay late, not without getting paid overtime! on the other hand, if you’re salaried you should have the flexibility to leave when all the work is done as long as you stay until all the work is done. the work world is a looney place.

absolutely nta, sounds like the practicing manager just has a stick up her ass. she can’t speak for your coworkers, and seeing as they have already spoken for themselves it sounds like she’s just got some weird power trip goin on. is there anyone in a higher position you can talk to?? if you could get an ok from someone higher up i’m sure that would shut her up. if not, depending how close you are to your coworkers, you could have them all actually give her their input together? but regardless, nta. especially since you’ve been doing it for so long with no complaints.

1265xwh

aita wanting some of the money from my gf's baking sidegig?

my gf(29) has been wanting some extra cash to keep having monthly fun money. i suggested she get a weekend job or do deliveries like i do. she chose to do baking instead. she's been doing it for about 6 months. i've helped her here and there with a couple of orders in that time. 2 months ago her supervisor asked her about making muffins for their monthly breakfast, and cupcakes for their monthly lunch. so that's 2 big baking events for her each month since she is asked to make between 250-300 muffins/cupcakes so there's enough for the day and night shifts. her supervisor covers the costs and pays her so she's not out of pocket. for the most part. the first time she did it, she called me crying late at night that she was behind and asked for my help and she ran out of ingredients. i helped her and also gave her whatever i had ingredients wise. i don't mind helping her once in awhile but she's asked me for help 2 more times since then. one of which i wound up using up my own groceries when she didn't buy enough ingredients, and i also spent a whole evening doing it myself because she forgot she had plans after work. each of these gigs is 2 days of baking. she has her work's lunch on friday and asked me to help her do the cupcakes again. i asked her if she was going to split the pay with me this time because if she's going to keep asking for my help baking 4 days a month at the minimum, and ask me to bring food items from my home in case she 'miscalculates' again, it's only fair to share the pay for my time and effort. she said no because i know she's trying to just keep some extra spending money for her time with friends and her hobbies. i told her in that case, i'm not going to keep helping and maybe she shouldn't agree to take this on each month if she can't do it herself. she called me a selfish prick and that she'd try to get one of her sisters or friends to come help her. i don't mind helping once in awhile, but out of the soon to be 6 times she's done this, she's asked for my help for 4 bake-athons. that's more than once in awhile and i've rearranged plans and whatnot to help her so i think my request is pretty fair. so i'm asking for input here: aita for wanting her to share a portion of what she gets for all of this baking?

nta

nta - let her call in her sisters or friend, then. after 5-6 times, we'll see if *they* want to be her unpaid help longterm.

nta. i assume you’re not asking for 50/50 since she’s doing the bulk of the work and found the client, but if she’s going to regularly ask you to help she should share some of the profits.

12661m0

aita for saying i don’t want to babysit so frequently?

context: i am f (21) and i have a younger sibling. i recently left my job to pursue another career however my start date has taken a little longer than usual and so i’ve had to pick up a little part time job to make ends meet. i frequently have babysit my younger sibling these past few years. recently because i was out of a job and home for around a month i was taking my sibling to and from school everyday and picking them up (so babysitting all evening) and when my sibling was sick kept them home the entire week out of school. until i recently got a job and couldn’t drop/pick up anymore. after 2 weeks of working and having 4 days off due to a last minute shift cancellation i’ve been asked to babysit on two of my days off. i recently voiced that i’m getting a bit tired of babysitting. i understand they are my parents and need to work but am i the asshole for saying it and becoming bored of it? my parents think i’m ungrateful and rude for saying it.

nta

you're an adult and your own person. your sibling is your parent's child, not yours. if you don't want to babysit, i'm sure they can find an alternative. your nta

nta. this seems to be a common theme among these aita posts. it’s up to parents to raise their own kids. nobody is the asshole for not helping them. there are plenty of teens out there who’d love to babysit for a price.

126621m

aita for choosing my friends over my sister?

my (23f) sister (26f) and i have a good relationship but to an extent. our family dynamic (my mother, sister and i) as a whole is kind of strained. it seems as if the only emotion we are able to express with one another is anger. arguments everyday include name calling, cursing, opening old wounds, you name it!) we don’t celebrate birthdays, eat dinner together etc. you all get the gist. it seems as if we are roommates who happen to love each other very much. i’ve pretty much given up on the concept of us being a happy family. to combat this, i’ve found solace in hanging with my friends. we usually hang out each weekend based on our individual schedules. i love my friends dearly and hold them close to my heart. we’ve been friends since high school. my mother isn’t really use to this. i wasn’t a social child growing up nor while in college. i’d always had a hard time making friends when i was little. either i just didn’t have any or the ones i had were not good friends at all. my mother has taken note of that and thinks any friend who comes into my life aren’t actually my friend. i’ve told her multiple times that these friends are different and it’s genuine. even my sister has taken witness to it and agrees. my mother often brings her opinions of my friendship up when we argue. mind you my friends have never negatively influenced me nor has she ever interacted with them. now here’s where the issue arises. my mother thinks that me hanging out with my friends so much is a slap in the face and that they are “telling me” to not hang with my sister. my friends would never suggest a thing like that because they all have good relationships with their family nor do they know how my family dynamic is. my sister works full time while attending school. her weekends off she is either resting, studying or running errands. before her schedule got strenuous, she’d ask if we wanted to go to the movies etc and i’d most of the time say no. in order to avoid any arguments because it genuinely happens every time and i’m tired of it. even the small arguments take a toll. recently she’s started doing food deliveries to make some extra cash. i’d go with her when she first started and we’d split the earnings but even when doing those deliveries, we’d bicker. i also just don’t like doing them. i told my sister i didn’t want to do it anymore and my mother started an argument saying i need to hang with my sister more and that i prefer my friends over her. i’m starting to think my sister is taking this to heart and that i cherish my friendships over our sisterhood. this isn’t the case but ive explained to her and my mother how i’ve felt. i love my sister with my whole heart, my mother too but i think the only way to mend these relationships is to move out, be by myself and love from a distance. i don’t want to completely lose my relationship as they are the only family i have but aita for hanging out with my friends more?

nta

nta, your mother is too involved in your life, and causing a problem where there is not one. you can hang out with your friends and still have a good relationship with your sister.

nta definitely move out. then you can hang out on your own terms with hopefully less animosity. your friends are supposed to be like family, and it seems you’ve found that. i choose my friends over my family all the time. they don’t mind it as long as i make the time to see them, and i do (not saying you have to). shouldn’t be wrong for an adult to do

12665yc

wibta if i didn't dance with some young ladies my mom and sister are asking to attend a family wedding just to meet me?

okay, some context here. if you remember my thread from a couple weeks ago, my mom and sister think it's appropriate to tell me at every opportunity that i need to get married because my two adorable girls (3 and 6) need a new mom. my wife passed away shortly after my youngest was born. i love my girls, i live my life for my girls and enjoy it. yes it's exhausting chasing after these two little energizer bunnies who go 90 mph until they crash, giving me some rest. i came into some money from the situation regarding my late wifes death and don't really need to work, and my mom/sis think a guy can't raise girls. so i need to find a woman in my spare time... sigh... there were some great responses from everyone here and it was very beneficial. so a cousin is getting married and my mom/sis thought it would be good to (with permission) invite 4 young ladies to the wedding to 'fix me up'. thinking once i started dancing with them i'd somehow fall for one of them. it won't happen. my cousin is having a casual 'country' wedding, outdoors, no suits or ties, casual jeans and a jacket. reception in a barn themed event center. i intend to spend most dances with my girls who think dancing with daddy is the greatest thing since grilled cheese sandwiches. we dance around the house, the yard, or the middle of the grocery store just because... i told my mom my dance card was full and now she's pouting, saying, you'll feel differently when you take one of these women in your arms (eyeroll).... i feel guilty with these young women thinking this is a 'the bachelor' episode, but there sure won't be any roses handed out. i'm 28, i don't need company, i don't need a mom for my girls, if i fall in love and marry it will be on my terms, not my mom or sisters... i'm getting tired of this and as one responder said, maybe it's time to cut them out of our lives since they don't want to be the female role model in my little ones lives... what do y'all think??

nta

nta -- tell them you are looking for nice young man. very sorry re your wife

honestly my guy, i’m giving you nta for never the asshole. might be preemptive, but you seem like the kindest, most grounded, emotionally intelligent man i’ve seen on here. these poor women lol but honestly any woman who would agree to this is probably not your type, keep doing your thing and loving your girls

1266cof

aita for telling my friend to learn to speak up for herself after she allowed someone she has problems with to crash her party?

i have a best friend named alora. we love each other like sisters. she’s absolutely adorable. she’s quiet and doesn’t like confrontation. lots of people don’t like her for some reason and apparently the reason is that she’s “annoying” and “tries too hard to fit in.” this makes her sad a lot of the time and it hurts me because she just moved to the country and is looking for new friends. i always tell her she has me and i’ll be there for her. there’s a girl in particular who she dislikes and her name is jackie. turns out jackie talks a lot of crap about alora behind her back but acts so nice to her face. this is affecting alora in a way nobody will ever understand. i’ve always been there to defend alora because as i said, she isn’t confrontational and gets anxious easily. i do too so i understand. one day, alora invited my friends and i over for her birthday. jackie was walking by and said hi to us. she stopped in front of alora and smiled. it made me sick. now, some of my friends are friends with jackie so they said “yo alora, can jackie come??” i looked at alora and was about to say something but she shushed me super quick and told me not to say anything and to just let her come. i was upset. jackie is literally alora’s biggest problem…and she’s allowing her to crash her party. i decided to stay quiet because i didn’t want to upset her any further. the party was ok but pretty awkward. i noticed alora wasn’t as happy as she should be. her beautiful smile wasn’t full and her eyes looked sad. i asked her if she was alright and enjoying herself and she would say yes and that she was ok. i gave her a hug. when the party ended and we were outside, i heard jackie say to my friends “i only went in there for you guys, not that stupid girl. nobody cares about her birthday.” i’ve had enough. i told her that she’s so full of herself and she thinks she’s all that. i also told her that she’s miserable and bored for hating someone who did nothing to her. my friends and cousins told me i was taking things too far and it wasn’t a big deal but i was so tired of all the fake energy and drama. nobody could be honest with each other. they don’t really like alora and it shows. only i had genuine love and support for her. when alora came out and asked what was going on, i told her these things: “alora, i love you as a friend and you know this but you seriously need to learn to speak up for yourself because jackie was just talking trash about you and you let other people take over and invite her to your party and for what?? you should’ve said no, you should’ve let me say something. use your damn voice, please!!” alora said she was sorry then went back in and slammed the door. reddit, i think i just fucked up big time. i think i just hurt her feelings. it made me super upset and it took me a while to sleep last night. i was just so tired of all the trash talk and the fake nice attitude. aita for my reaction though?? please let me know, i feel like i’m going insane.

yta

nta for sticking up for alora and telling her some hard things she needs to hear, but yta for the way you said it and when you said it. i’m extremely non confrontational as well and someone yelling at me about it is not going to make me like confrontation any more than i do now. it’ll probably make it worse. i would try to work with her at it. find some youtube videos to watch together on learning how to stand up for yourself. act out scenarios. and continue being her friend and standing up for her. don’t worry too much about what you said, just make sure you profusely apologize and never do it again. she’s likely lost a little trust in you so you’ll need to earn it back.

yta: what you said needed to be said. but it seems like you said this in front of other people including the person who targets her the most. alora responded the way she did because you embarrassed her. that conversation should have been private

1266i0b

aita for kicking my mom out

background: my mother and i have had a strained relationship in the past. she has always been a bit entitled, overbearing, opinionated and judgmental. standard issue stuff. i love her but it can be tough. after my dad passed away, she moved in with my older sister. my sister is a pathological liar. after a few years, she got evicted from the apartment she shared with my sister. what came to light afterward is they were evicted after my sister purposely didn’t pay rent for months and was “saving” it for a bigger apartment. she called and said mom would be out on the streets if i didn’t take her in temporarily, so i did, even though i didn’t have the space for it. mom slept on the couch for 2 months, sharing a small space with myself, my wife and my 2 young children. the whole time, there were small unwanted comments that we mostly ignored. now: things didn't seem to progress with my sister, the kids like having grandma around. i talked to my wife about potentially making this permanent, finding a bigger house and having grandma be a part of our home. after hesitation due to past issues, we agreed it was the best way forward overall once we set some ground rules. 1. no uninvited/unannounced guests. 2. mom pays a quarter of the rent. we agreed, set a budget and started searching. after almost a month, we found a place 2 weeks ago. great house, perfect location, big yard, near a big park, near the kids’ school, walking distance to the shops. a big deposit was needed so i stressed the importance of needing a quarter of the deposit. she assured me she had it and all was going well. whole family excited. this is where it goes to shit: in the two weeks leading up to today, we found out she snuck guests in while we were gone. she lied about it at first, then realized she got caught and confessed to it. one of them took a shower in the kid’s bathroom. we were livid. we set our foot down and said we wouldn’t stand for it. she agreed and apologized. now today, the day before we get the keys i asked her for her portion of the deposit. “no problem, i’ll head to bank right now.” great. she came back just before i was set to leave. reached in her pocket and…gasp! the envelope! it’s gone! we all walked two blocks looking for the envelope. gone. i had a bad feeling about it as the day went on and asked her what really happened. she played dumb until i asked to see her transaction history because i didn’t believe her. she then immediately confessed that she never had the money and swore up and down she’d get it to me next month. she knew this whole time and lied about it for weeks. i felt so offended, disrespected, betrayed that i asked her to leave immediately. cancel all plans moving forward, find a new place to live, move out by tomorrow. it’s not about the money, it’s about lying to my face, putting the burden on me and putting my kids future at risk. she’s my mom and i love her, but if this is how it starts, i think it’d be worse later on. my sister isn’t willing to take her back “for a few months” but i need her gone asap - i can’t look her in the face. aita?

nta

nta, i think this was your only option. you’re right that things will only get worse, and adding that kind of stress to you and your wife, who are raising small children, isn’t worth it. no one violates trust just once.

nta, this is clearly not someone you can rely on to either pay their share of the rent or respect any rules or boundaries you set, and repeatedly lying to your face shows a level of disrespect and self centeredness that would make for a deeply toxic living situation. just be glad you found out now!

1266i1x

aita for crying because someone yelled at me?

so i was in 8th period waiting to go home, it was pretty boring so i was just overhearing some girls conversation, i heard that they were talking about a game that i really liked so i told one of the girls that i also really liked that game but she yelled at me to “mind my own fucking business” which was pretty loud and attracted everyone else’s attention. i’m a very sensitive person so i started crying because she yelled at me and because everyone was staring at me, she told me that i shouldn’t be the one crying because i was listening to their convo and invading it (which is the part where i think i might be the asshole) and everyone started backing her up and making fun of me. but i feel like she should’ve been nicer about it and not yell at me over a statement. so am i the asshole?

nta

nta sounds like you found out that those girls are not worth having a conversation with.

nta. they can’t dictate your feelings—plus if they wanted to have a private conversation, they should’ve gone somewhere private. sounds like they’re just a bunch of mean girls who enjoy being sadistic.

12671kt

aita for bringing people into my own drama?

so i 14/f, walked into ela/ language art i had just sat down to talk to my friends. i sat down in the front row i turned around where let's call her l looked at me and said that was her seat, the teacher didn't care where we sat so i said there were more desks to sit in. she made a big deal about it and cussed me out she then walked to the desk next to the one i was in, l looked at me and said my mother doesn't love me. i was very upset about this because i had got taken away from my mom 4 years ago with my siblings so i said my mother does love me but i just don't live with her. l then let out the loudest and most obnoxious laugh i felt very upset about this so i went out to tell my language arts teacher about it by then i was so upset about this i had tears because of it some girls i knew hugged me and took me into the bathroom where another girl i knew was in there she asked me what was wrong and i told her what happened she then left and started yelling at l. we are a very small group of kids we all know each other so my friends were hers so they were very upset about this because they knew about my mom, i think she has no friends now, aita?

nta

nta, that’s such a non-issue for her to blow up lol. i’m so sorry, i hope you’re okay

nta. you didn’t “bring people into your drama” sweetie. you were hurt and a friend protected you. don’t be so hard on yourself for reaching out to a friend for comfort and don’t be ashamed on how you were comforted by said friend. now, your friend should have handled it more maturely, but that doesn’t reflect on you at all imo. y’all are young and still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to emotional intelligence. the fact that l may not have any friends because of this is not your burden to carry and hopefully she learned a lesson about saying ugly things to people. also, i’m sorry that you’ve gone through a tough time and i hope you now have the support you need and that you are doing better.

12674fp

aita for splashing people with my car.

the road in front of my house has two lanes each way. then on both sides there is a very narrow island that separates the main road from the service lane in front of the houses, then the sidewalk. so realistically there are six lanes plus parking. i was driving home with my husband and we were talking and i didn't notice some kids walking on the island. there is no reason for them to be walking there and it is actually kind of dangerous. long story short the car on front of us swerves into the left lane because he saw the kids and the puddle. i didn't and i drove through the puddle and drenched the kids. my husband is upset and says that i need to be more aware of my surroundings when i'm driving and that the kids were just being kids. i didn't do it on purpose or anything. it was just an unhappy accident. i think he's judging me like i did it to be an asshole. so that's my question i guess. aita? edit. these were not infants. they were teenagers from the high school down the road. i'm not saying that makes it better or anything but i realize that is probably relevant.

yta

> i didn't notice some kids walking yeah if you didn't notice kids walking where you were driving, then yta. what were you doing that you were so spaced out?

your husband is right - you need to be more aware of your surroundings. if you had slowed down because you saw the kids where there aren't usually people walking, even going through the puddle it wouldn't have splashed them because you were going slow. yta

1267969

aita for telling my brother's girlfriend to learn another song?

my brother has a girlfriend with a really annoying habit. whenever someone brings up any topic that involves something happening in the future, she always responds with some variation of "well the world is going to end by then anyway." it's pretty aggravating, because it adds nothing of value to the actual topic of conversation. whether the topic is career goals, financial planning, vacation ideas or anything else, she always interjects with her apocalyptic predictions. right now my union is negotiating for a raise for us, and i am excited about it. i was telling my brother and sister about how excited i am and how i intend to put the money towards my retirement savings. again, brother's girlfriend interjected that none of us will live to see retirement, so it doesn't matter. i got annoyed and snapped at her, saying "hey, learn a new song. this one is played out." my brother's girlfriend was offended, said i was rude and asked for an apology. i said that i disagreed, thought she was the rude one and would like an apology myself. my brother told me to climb off my high horse and chill. my sister said that she was also tired of the nonstop gloom and doom and would like a reprieve. my brother's girlfriend said "i see how it is" and left with my brother. my brother said i was needlessly antagonistic. he said his girlfriend can't relate to topics like that because she has a nontraditional job (etsy store), but wants to have a meaningful contribution to the conversation. he said i was mean to her and should apologize. i really don't think i should and don't want to, but was i mean, ie the asshole?

nta

nta. that shit gets annoying quickly, and it's not only not adding to the conversation, it shuts the conversation down because who will keep talking when a person like that is around?

>but wants to have a meaningful contribution to the conversation how is the same glib debby downer remark repeated over and over again a "meaningful contribution" to the conversation? nta at all.

1267hcn

aita for being against my family’s family tattoo idea?

about 3 weeks ago my family decided that we all wanted to get a family tattoo together. my mom (51f) thought of the idea and originally wanted to get a line of birds on a wire where we would each color in the bird that represents us. although she was open to other suggestions. my two older brothers (29m) and (27m) both immediately liked the idea. i don’t have a strong liking for birds so my twin sister and i (21f) both suggested we get different tattoos that would follow the same general idea. like all get symbols we like that would represent our family and color in the one that would represent us. for example, my mom would still get birds, and color in the one that represents her, but i would get stars and color in the one that represents me. that way we could all get symbols we really like, and it would still count as a family tattoo. i suggested this because i know i have very different tastes than my family members. we all seemed to agree and started thinking of ideas for our own individual symbols. my brother even booked the appointment. i thought it was all good until today when one of my brothers typed in our family group chat. “so where are we all at?” i sent a sketch of my tattoo idea to the group and said “this is what i want for mine” i sent a picture of a trail of stars making a pathway down my hand, beginning at my already existing crescent moon tattoo on my pointer finger. no one responded to the message all day, until both my brothers sent “hmmm” in the group chat. i figured they were busy. until later i video called my mom to talk about something unrelated when in the middle of the call she said, “the family tattoo is going to be a problem.” i was confused and asked what she meant. she explained that “we” meaning my two brothers and her decided the tattoo idea i had doesn't count as a family tattoo unless we all get the same thing. i was shocked because they all agreed on my idea before, but thinking back, only my mom verbally agreed. they must have talked to her about it in private and decided they didn’t like my idea. i am willing to compromise. i am just angry at the fact no one said anything sooner. it is less than a week away from the appointment and now i have to rethink my whole idea and send suggestions their way. or i could just go with what they all agreed on in the beginning. my mom said “it’s up to you, we can cancel it if you can’t decide.” she is willing to negotiate what symbol we all get, but i know she really wants to get the birds. now i feel incredibly guilty since i know how excited they all are. i don’t want to cancel the appointment, so i think i might just get what they all wanted in the first place. i love my family and i know no matter what tattoo i get i will never regret it. my mom even said “you and your sister are the only ones making this difficult.” aita?

nta

i’m going to say nta. a tattoo is a very individual thing and should mean something to the owner . i love the idea tyou put forward of having a symbol which means something to you, but keeps the family theme of coloring each symbol to represent a family member.

nta. it's your body, you should be able to decide what goes on it. you and your sister are not making things "difficult" by wanting to get something you will enjoy on your own bodies. if anything, your brothers are making things difficult for you and your sister by demanding it be the same tattoo. it's a family tattoo. the family needs to agree on what the tattoo or theme is. otherwise, it's a mom, bro1, and bro2 tattoo. don't give in

1267z7r

aita for not saying thank you for my girlfriend’s sister.

my girlfriend and i went on a weekend trip a few weeks ago. my girlfriend’s sister happens to call us up asking if we are going out of town some weekend in march so she could borrow our place to have a guy from out of town stay with her. we said she sure, but she’d have to watch the dog. 2 days before we left, the guy cancels but she is still going to stay at our apartment for the weekend since we live in the city and she lives in the suburbs with her parents. 3 weeks later, she calls us up yelling saying that we didn’t say thank you and are assholes. are we wrong? i was thinking of this as transactional, and thank you “optional”, but certainly not mandatory.

nta

nta? you let her stay in your apartment while you're not home, and she expects you to say "thank you"... for what? being a frankly unnecessary space-filler so she can be away from her parents for a few days, with seemingly the only condition being to feed your dog? *i've re-read this a few times, and i'm not sure what she's calling you an asshole for in the first place.*

i'd say nta. personally, i'd have said thank you for getting alone-time space, but that's me. did she think she was pet-sitting for you two since her plans were cancelled?

12681qe

aita for expecting my brother to attend my wedding?

i'm having a wedding in poland this summer around july / august. both my fiance and i are from us (north carolina). we fell in love with poland after traveling around europe a few years ago and felt that it would be a great place for our wedding. i'm really excited about the event - we're going to be running it over 5 days with the ceremony on wednesday and other events before and after to help entertain folks. the wedding will likely be pretty small (50-60 guests, if that) which comes with the territory and it being a child free event. my groom's entire family will be able to make it along with many extended relatives. on my side i have fewer relatives but most are looking forward to the trip. however after i told my only brother about the date before sending out official save the dates and invites, 6 months before the wedding. he told me he likely wouldn't be able to make it due to another trip (5 week trip across california) he has planned at the same time with his girlfriend. he seems very unwilling to budge on his existing trip which means he won't make it to the wedding. i'm really hurt that my only sibling is prioritizing his trip over coming to my wedding. if the situation were reversed i would absolutely move my own trip around or cancel to attend his wedding. i'm not even asking him to cancel or postpone his trip - he would likely only have to re-organize 4 days of his trip (a day to fly in, a day for the rehearsal dinner, a day for the ceremony and then a day to fly back to california). my parents have also offered to cover airfare and share hotel rooms with him and his girlfriend to substantially reduce the cost of attending greatly (even though he makes a solid income so this isn't really a cost thing, according to him). my parents and extended family who are attending are also upset with his decision (especially my parents) and have tried reaching out, emphasizing the importance of attending this wedding as a sibling and coming together as a family. i know my parents are hurt and would be so embarrassed trying to explain how my only brother is on another vacation instead of attending my wedding when people ask about it. my brother and i don't talk as much as we used to so i don't know if we're just not close anymore and this is a consequence. aita for expecting my brother to make it to my wedding?

yta

yta you are having a wedding in europe, with 5 days of activities, and people are supposed to find someone to watch their kids, as well, because it's child-free. you have announced it 6 months in advance. quick internet search shows plane ticket from nc -> warsaw +/- $2k he already planned a 5 week vacation *in advance*. it is probably all of the vacation time he and his gf have available. and who the heck would want to share a hotel room with their parents? a better move would've been to take your honeymoon in poland. instead, you've planned everyone else a mandatory vacation, because you'll bad mouth them if they don't show. like you're doing to your brother right now. if "coming together as a family" were *actually* important to you, you could have planned a wedding in nc, in advance. instead, you've made it a challenge, and you're whining that he's not playing along.

yta. don’t have your wedding abroad if you want people to come

12686s2

wibta-backing out of sil's baby shower

so, my (32f) younger brother and his wife (both in their late 20s) are expecting their second child. despite them living in a different state, we all make conscious efforts to remain close and involved in each others lives. i did not get to attend their first child, my now-toddler nephew's baby shower, and have been looking forward to being able to attend the baby shower for this second one. i took off work, my mom and i are driving there together, it was going to be a whole nice trip to see them. the problem is, i work in social services for an agency that does a lot of advocacy work. i've been working with a woman dealing with her teenage daughter's court case, and their court date is coming up where the daughter will have to testify. i originally had both my trip and the court dates all coordinated, however, the court date has abruptly changed and will interfere with my trip for the baby shower. in short, i cannot do both the trip and accompany this family to court for the support they have leaned on me/our agency for. none of my other coworkers can go in my place, and this particular client is not handling things well and needs support. the mom has no one else to be there for her that day. i feel like such an a-hole for missing this shower, especially after my mom planned for us to make the drive/trip together, and i told everyone i'd be able to be there for this one but i also know that these clients are counting on me during one of the most difficult things they'll ever do. part of me wants to respect how important this is to my sil, but the other part of me says that i'll have plenty of years after the kid is born to be a part of their life. so, wibta for backing out of my sil's baby shower after i said i'd go?? edited to add: my job is very pro-work/home life balance and never asks us to work overtime, stay late, etc. we are encouraged to have good balance and they are usually very flexible. this is just one case of unfortunate timing, and the only time so far i've had to miss family stuff for work.

nta

nta. why do people get multiple baby showers nowadays?

nta - you do meaningful work. that's just the way it goes sometimes.

12689jo

aita because i refuse to help my sister with her wedding

i'm 45f, my sister (lizzie 42f), is getting married in mid july... me and our brother, (john 48m), were told at the beginning of the announcement that we are going to be just "guests" because her wedding will be a destination wedding and she wants her sorority sisters and her fiance (paul 44m), frat brothers to be bridesmaids and groomsmen. her best friend of 20+yrs will be her maid/matron of honor and his twin brother will be his best man. our mother was furious at lizzie for exclusion us but we were okay with it .. because that means i don't have to take weeks off of work running errands or making ridiculous things or getting ridiculed for breathing (yea, i know i watch way too much bridezilla lol). and it's out of town , so i told my mother to stop being mad and let lizzie have her moment. well exactly a month after getting everything situated, lizzie made another announcement , it seems like one of her sorority sisters can't do any of her bridesmaid duties due to her unexpected highly extreme pregnancy... so i'm asked to fill in the role of "bridesmaid" but here's the kicker. the young lady can't perform her duties but she can attend the wedding (her due date is in late may/early june), and yet, she can still stand up there as a bridesmaid. i will perform her duties and still be just a "guest" , but i can wear the same color and style as the bridesmaids just can't walk down the aisle or stand up there with them. yep you read it correctly... i told my dear dear sister ... no, i will not be taking the "role" of being a filled in and still be just a "guest". my exact words to lizzie: " you told me and john (our brother), we are not going to be in the wedding bridal party because you, lizzie wants to have it where you and paul meet and fell in love at (college). and it was her sorority sisters that encouraged her to go meet the man of her dreams, it was her sorority sisters that helped her get ready for dates, and whatnot. so it's your sorority sisters who will be helping you with your wedding and i will just be a "guest". oh, it didn't go well, lizzie started crying, hollering and telling me i'm a horrible big sister, that i was so jealous of her bond with her sorority sisters that i willing to ruin her wedding. ... now my mother, and half of the family are saying i am wrong for not helping out in her time of need. aita? should i step in and help her with the wedding plans. or should i hold my grounds and just be a guest?

nta

nta. she wants you to be a workhorse. just ignore her and the half of the family trying to make you into an indentured servant - or tell those family members that you'll let your sister know that they're volunteering to step up.

nta tell her the other bridesmaids should pick up the slack.

1268htg

aita for ignoring my bf?…

so, this is a relatively minor issue and honestly not a big deal in the slightest. i am not that unsettled about this as i know my boyfriend and i will quickly resolve it, but i do want some feedback on whether i overreacted or not. so, for background information…. my boyfriend and i attend the same college. he told me that he had an exam coming up, and that he had to wake up early to study for it. by the time my classes end that day his more or less began— but i wanted to get him something as a pick-me-up and just a little something to show i’m thinking of him and care. gift giving is an important part of my love language so i do it when the opportunity presents itself. it was raining really hard and the college is large and easy to get lost in. i had parked my car quite far from where i was and i didn’t have enough time between classes so i ended up doordashing a coffee from a nice coffee shop 20 minutes away. the guy had so much trouble finding me and i had to call him and send him pictures and directions. eventually, after i was soaked, i got the drink and finished my classes, and went to his building. (also, yes i did tip the poor doordasher extra. i initially gave him more than the recommended and then after added more on top.) i get there and text him if it’s possible for him to come out, if he wanted me to leave it there and when he finishes his exam he can grab it, or if i could just walk inside and give it to him real quick. the teacher hadn’t given the exams out yet and was just going over another topic. he told me that it was an important class and that we could grab coffee another time. i told him i understood but i didn’t want the coffee to go to waste so i insisted giving it to him real quick, which would only take a minute or even less. he also insisted and snapped at me to stop, and said he was just going to focus. he told me to just drink it myself and i got upset and just left. he texted me later apologizing saying that he was stressed and it wasn’t a good time, which is completely reasonable and i understand. but how he handled it definitely hurt and made my efforts feel unappreciated. i haven’t responded to him and have been ignoring him for the past 5 hours due to how upset i was. aita for getting upset and ignoring him?

yta

yta. he didn’t ask for the coffee and you had no right to insist on giving it to him when he made it clear he was busy with class.

yta for putting your own needs (to give the gift) above his (who wanted to concentrate while in class). it seems very immature of you to expect him to get up and leave class to just get a cup of coffee he didn’t even want.

1268nbm

aita for moving out with my boyfriend and leaving my sister alone?

i (25f) and my sister (24f) have been living in a 1 bedroom apartment together for a while now. we split all the bills 50/50. we both get paid $15/hr and the total bills per month are about $1,350(excluding groceries which we purchased separately for ourselves). we typically pay between $600-$700 each a month for our expenses(this includes phone bill, wifi, rent, utilities and renter’s insurance). not the most expensive(it’s why we got a 1 bedroom-cheaper). anyways me and my boyfriend (31m) have been discussing timelines for me to move in with him and have landed on next year before i sign my new lease. that’s about 10 months from now so i thought i’d give my sister a super early notice. i figured the more of a heads up i give her the better. she didn’t take the news well though and was very upset. she basically said i didn’t care about her and don’t feel like i want to be a part of our family. granted i am a bit standoffish and awkward around my family but i still love them. i gave just always wanted kids of my own and to get married and raise up my own little family and i really see that chance with my boyfriend. my sister said that she hates that she ever was born into a family in poverty where we have to depend on each other to survive because she can’t depend on me. she also said it’s messed up that i didn’t offer her the opportunity to move into my bf’s place with me since she doesn’t have much money. i told her i would have but my bf lives in his dad’s old home and in return gets a good deal on rent. problem is, he isn’t allowed to have people stay in the guest room as a part of his agreement with his dada to be able to live in the place with a family rent discount. his dad has the guest room set up for himself for when he decides to visit so my sister wouldn’t be able to stay in there. i told her this but she still seemed annoyed and hurt. roommates aren’t an option we feel comfortable with for her and she said she would either go stay with my dad or stay in our current place and just have to pay more money.i felt bad about this so i made her an offer. i have $5,000 saved up that i told her i would leave with her so she could use it to help pay rent or whatever she needs when i’m gone but i still don’t think that is helping the tension. we just finished the talk and it was very quiet at the end and she said what i was doing was messed up. i don’t know what to do and now i’m wondering if i’m being selfish or an asshole by making the decision to move? i really want the opportunity to stager closer to starting my family life but i don’t want to ruin my relationship with my sister or other family in the process. tldr; moving out with my bf and leaving my sister in our place alone. aita?

nta

nta. your sister is an adult. she is solely responsible for herself. not you. if you were moving out before the lease is up then you’d be an ah.. but 10mo. is more than enough heads up. you don’t have to live with your sister just because she needs help. you are entitled to pursue the future you want. she’s just bitter that it leaves her in a situation that she’s not happy with. but to hold you back would be completely selfish. and for her to think that she’s entitled to guest room?!? noooooo. this girl is off her rocker.

nta your sister is being really unfair with her guilt-tripping. you are giving her almost a year to figure something out. there is nothing wrong with you growing up and moving forward in your relationship with your bf. it's silly that she thinks you should automatically be taking her with you. you shouldn't be giving her your savings either.

1268xnj

aita for getting upset as my friends ignored my during the car ride

so i(m) going from work to home with 2 of friends (f & m) in a car. the ride was 40 minutes long. they started a topic about some films and then went on talking about it the whole ride. i am not much of cinephile so i was not able to join the conversation. but by the end of the ride, i felt very ignored. it was like i was not in the car for them. i was hurt in some way. my stop comes first so i slammed the door and stormed off, making it evident i was upset. aita?

yta

yta people can't read your mind

yta. sorry you don't like movies to that extent and thus felt like you couldn't participate in the discussion but your reaction was ridiculous and childish. also, not everything needs to cater to you and your interests either. people you know are going to talk to each other about things you don't want to talk about. you don't get to dictate what two other people are talking about. it's not like you all went out together to hang out and they just ignored you. you were catching a ride home from work. you were essentially just all sitting on the same bus. you threw a tantrum. based on your description you just sat there silently the whole time and then threw a fit when you left the car, slamming someone else's car door. if it was my car that would be the last time you rode home in my car. to summarize, you're not an ah for being upset and feeling left out. that's natural. yta for acting out the way you did.

126958a

aita for making a pregnant lady wait in the rain?

me (15 f) got home from school yesterday and it was raining. i already walked from school to my apartments and i was drenched so i just wanted to get in my house and take a shower. my apartments only had 1 elevator and only 10 people could get on at a time, when i got to elevator 9 people were already in so by getting in i took up the last place. but doing so made some pregnant lady have to wait in the rain. this morning she called me ass in front of my mom and i got in huge trouble. what i'm aware of she lives on the second floor so she easily could've just went up one flight of stairs. i live on the 6th floor so i couldn't do that so casually. i don't think i'm in the wrong, but what do you think aita?

nta

nta - there were 9 people besides you who could’ve got out. hope they feel bad.

nta to me. some other comments bring up risk of injury to the pregnant lady but you could've easily gotten hurt going up six sets of stairs being drenched. at least she only had one. it's valid of her to be frustrated of course but she can't expect the world to bend to her will just because she's pregnant. and the fact she took it out on you publicly when others could've let her on too is strange and rude to me.

1269c6l

aita for planning a surprise party for my boyfriend?

my boyfriends birthday is coming up and this year i decided to organise a surprise party at our house. last year i felt bad for him because his parents invited us to dinner at a pub and we thought they were going to buy us dinner but they didn’t buy dinner or any drinks so i paid for his food and some drinks while we were out. i even bought a round for them. they left after about an hour and a half. i was surprised about this because i had planned to celebrate him at home and cook dinner and share a bottle of wine but when they asked to take him for dinner he said we should go so i skipped my plans thinking they would spoil him a little themselves. anyways this year i want to do something really nice and i texted our friends and made a group chat and told them not to tell him about the party because i wanted to surprise him. (we love surprising each other with stuff like events and meals etc so i know he will be excited when he comes home and everyone is here) i told my bf that his friends were all busy that night and i would be making him dinner on his birthday and that next weekend we could do something with them. he’s fine with this although when we did an early dinner with his family he was a little flat when he said i was making him dinner at home. my friends started messaging me that i’m an asshole because they have to pretend they are busy and feel like they don’t care about him enough to see him on his birthday. i feel like they’re being selfish because instead of giving him this surprise they want to tell him so they feel better. is it so terrible of me to insist they don’t tell him about the party beforehand?

nta

you're nta. >is it so terrible of me to insist they don’t tell him about the party beforehand? maybe i am missing something or i'm just old fashioned and no longer understand what a surprise party is, but wouldn't the surprise be spoiled if he knew about it beforehand?

nta - that's a short term sacrifice that's common with planning a surprise party, they just have to wait it out. they will see him on his birthday? and he will know it was all planned and that they *do* care... they are being dramatic

1269qgg

aita for lashing out at my stepdad?

for context, i [20f] have two sets of stepparents. my mother got pregnant when i was 16, and her new boyfriend at the time quickly moved in with us. it was a sudden change for me, and it was a lot to deal with, along with things going on with my dad’s side. at that point, i’d felt like i’d already grown up without my stepdad’s guidance, and that was kind of my view of life up until i moved out of my mom’s house at 18. my stepdad and i have had problems in the past. i’m black, so i have bigger lips, bigger nose and very textured hair, and along with this i have insecurities about my body. i’ve addressed all of this to my stepdad before, telling him not to make jokes about certain things regarding me. i didn’t mind teasing, but sometimes he took it too far, and i always told him when he would, but he just kept going and going. so on top of my struggling relationship with my mother, i had my stepdad to deal with as well, and i began to come around less and less. he still continues with these comments and jokes, even after i’ve told him to stop. my stepdad and i have had a conversation in the past about my boundaries. i explained to him that while i was happy he treated my mom well and took care of my half and stepsister, i did not view him as a father to me. as such, i respected him as an adult, but i explained that i felt old enough (at this point i was 19) to make my own decisions, and that i really didn’t like being bossed around by him or him talking to me like i was 7. he said he understood and we agreed to try and respect each other as adults. enough context, now you’re getting to the root of the problem. back in november, he and i got into a very big argument in front of my family regarding my drinking. he had told me i i’d had enough, but i was having fun and i wanted to keep drinking. so he and i got into a big fight about it, so badly that it ended up with us screaming and cussing each other out. i understand that, since i was 20 at the time of the fight, i was technically under age drinking. but to me, my mom and dad grew up allowing me to drink, so i knew my limit and i could trust myself. i didn’t like being talked to the way he spoke to me, and i know i’m in the wrong for being so defensive and explosive about it. however, i felt like yet another boundary of mine was being crossed, and that’s why i reacted the way i did. my 21st birthday is this weekend, and i’ll be flying out to stay with my mom and stepdad tomorrow. i know i need to apologize for lashing out, but i want to know… my mother always says that i’m a brat for telling my stepdad he’s not my father, but aita for wanting to keep a boundary and defending myself?

nta

nta he's not your dad, he's racist, and you're an adult.

nta- your mother is trying to force something that's not real to happen. i'm assuming the breakup between your bio parents wasn't pretty, this kinda reeks of someone ruined that marriage, and i get the feeling it was mom. if so she has control issues, and stepdd might be a puppet, but also took it out on you when you two first met.

1269utc

aita for giving my friend the silent treatment for her use of the n word?

i (white, 18m) am annoyed with one of my close friends (hispanic, 19f) for using the n word (n***a, not hard r) constantly in our group chat with me and a few other friends who are all white. i find it to be an offensive term, and i expressed my feelings in that way, but she had the very opposite reaction saying it's perfectly fine and "she doesn't need validation" so she doesn't care. my family has a history of racist relatives, including my grandfather who passed away, and i am extremely not racist, so i personally find it to be a touchy subject in my own life. she uses it occasionally in our group chats, and she has some family that are black and uses it around them, which i understand, but she uses it constantly with one of her close friends who is white (russian, to be specific, if that makes a difference lol), and he uses it more loosely, with not just the slang version of the word. i find myself not as close to him as i am her, so i want to focus more on her for this post, although i have had discussions with them both. i asked her if it was difficult to just simply not use it, as she isn't black, nobody here is, and i personally find it to be a term she shouldn't use. i just find it to be offensive, not to be, but those of african american decent and culture, and i do wish to stand up for them, since i have several friends with that background. after a few back and forth messages, we settled by ignoring each other for a while and i don't know if that will continue or not. she's a close friend, but it seems wrong to me to continue to associate with her because the logic she uses to justify her language isn't something i enjoy to be around or associate with. i don't want to continue to give her the silent treatment as she's a close friend from high school, but it annoys me deeply to ignore everything here and move on like nothing happened, but she won't listen to me whatsoever. is it fine for her to use because it's a slang alternative of the word and i should just stay out of it and ignore her vocabulary, or am i justified in my opinion and think she should stop using it altogether, or at the very least a far far distance from me?

nta

nta. as an black person, i constantly get tired of telling those of hispanic/latino background not to say the word, so it’s relieving to see someone else do it for a change. granted, you are white, so i’m certain a lot of people are going to say you have a “savior complex” or some other nonsense, but you have a right to feel uncomfortable by her using a slur she has no right to say.

nta. she’s old enough to know why she shouldn’t be using that word, and you would be equally as wrong if you turned a blind eye and continued to speak to her.

1269yop

aita for getting mad over my bf's jokes?

my (21f) bf (21m) and i study the same career, but in different specialities. people in my bf's area earn a lot more money than people in my area, and he loves making jokes about it. every time i get some free time from uni, he tells me that i'm "lazy" and that unlike me he has so much to study, and that his area is so difficult and important, that kind of stuff. at first i'd be like "haha" bc he told me he was joking, but time has passed and he keeps telling me the same "jokes" over and over and it has become annoying. i even started to make "jokes" like that to him to see how he reacts but he gets mad and tells me that he's going to earn more money than me anyway. today i got really tired of this so i told him to stop with the "jokes" bc i don't find them funny anymore. he told me that i was being sensitive and that he was just joking. i asked him to explain to me what the joke was, obviously he couldn't answer to that. he just got more angry and that i can't take any jokes and that i'm boring. i got so mad at him and haven't talked to him since. am i overreacting? he insists that he's just joking but i'm really tired of it.

nta

nta he's not joking he's bullying. tbh i think most people will be telling you to leave his arse.

nta saying mean-spirited things, especially when one has been asked to knock it off, is passive-aggressive bs. it shows a lack of respect for what you do and who you are. he's belittling you and your chosen career. these kinds of statements are absolutely not "jokes" in any way, shape, or form. they are a way for him to feel better than you, a way for him to make you feel like less than him, and they are a signal that you are with someone who is emotionally immature and insecure. now you get to decide whether that's someone you want to be with or not.

126aa3n

aita for wanting a small wedding shower with a big family?

throw away because it is. me (29f) and my fiance (30m) have been together for 5 years are getting married in sept. planning has been going fine until the wedding shower. he has a very large italian family. i have a very large family also but decided to only invite my closest family to the wedding. i've always wanted a small and intimate wedding but he said it was very important to him to invite certain family. i compromised on this because i knew how he felt. he has 150 people and i have 50. the issue comes with the shower- i want a small and intimate shower with our closest family and friends, i decided on 20 people for each side and 10 friends. after discussing this with my fiance, we agreed on 30 for his side because he had a hard time narrowing it down to 20. these people are all family we see regularly (holidays etc.). the others that we are not invited, we only see at weddings and funerals. we both felt comfortable with this decision. he then spoke with his mother and sister who said he can not exclude people and that you have to invite everyone to the shower. they feel his side of the family would feel excluded and be angry and possibly even not talk to them again. he has told me he "can't" cut anyone from the list and needs to invite all of them. i've told him my wishes are a small shower and i don't want to invite more than the 60 people. this has caused arguments with both of our mothers as my mom really wants to host the shower that i want and it will be at her house. i don't want to do two showers, i would like one small with both families. aita for wanting to keep it small and not inviting every woman invited to the wedding? i truly don't know what to think here as i've never gotten married and most of my friends haven't either.

nta

nta they can have their feelings. still doesn't obligate them any invitations.

nta- honesty if that's such a big deal then i'd zoom the event foe the extended family. like it seems like everyone just wants to feel important when it's you and your husband's day, but yeah see of he's down for that also it allows those who want to attend on your aide the opportunity to experience it from their homes.

126ai7f

aita for pulling out of my sister's wedding due to her inlaws?

**stop pming me. i will not respond. i don't care how many people want me to drop my sister, i am overwhelmed as it is by all of this. and especially stop messaging me because aita banned you.** for background, stella and i are identical twins, 29f and we will both be 30 when her wedding comes around this fall. i had her as my maid of honor 8 years ago and she promised me that i could be hers when her wedding came around. i have 2 kids, 6f and 3f. they're the flower girls. my marriage fell apart just over two years ago, due to a stillbirth and my husband's infidelity. my parents and sister were the only reason i didn't drown from the stress, loneliness, and total abandonment of my spouse. i was a total mess. i went to therapy, got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, quit drinking, and i owe a lot of it to my amazing sister. she's the reason why i kept chasing down my ex for child support when he stopped suddenly paying (he suddenly switched from "world's best dad" to "deadbeat dumbass" so quickly that my ex mil is disgusted with him) stella and jon 35m engaged last year. his parents are paying about 60% of the wedding. our parents are paying 30% stella and jon paying for the rest themselves. the biggest caveat is that they **must** be married in jon's family's church, full mass with communion. the family is on board because this is going to be a very big wedding. tonight, stella had invited me to dinner, as they had finally reserved a date for the church and reception, assuming it was to formally ask me to be her moh. i was excited since i haven't been in a wedding party aside from my own wedding. jon was with her, weird because stella didn't mention him coming at all in our texts about the dinner. we hugged like usual but jon didn't. weirder. after we got our drinks, they got to it. in a nutshell, jon expressed the following: "despite my best efforts to keep it secret, my parents found out that you're divorced when they asked why your husband wasn't coming. they are no longer comfortable with you as moh, because it won't look good to the church if my family hears about the divorce. you can be a bridesmaid but can't mention the divorce or your conditions at all during the wedding events." i was stunned, and i felt tears in my eyes. stella started crying too and she tried to spin it in a good way. "this is way less stressful for you, so it's a good thing! mil has already approved my bff as my moh, so please don't make this any harder." i knew that i couldn't possibly stay there through an entire meal. i had to process this new info alone. i didn't speak. i just paid for my wickedly expensive cocktail, and left to order an uber home. a few hours ago, i texted stella that i would not be in her wedding party at all. that was my decision. i wouldn't pull my daughters out, but i would only attend as a guest. she wouldn't take this as an answer, so i had to temp block her due to her excessive texts and calls. i sent my parents a summary of what happened and promised to call them when i was in better shape tomorrow. stella thinks that this is a total overreaction. i don't even want to know what jon thinks at this point. please help me. aita? i'm going to fall asleep now while binging friends. and wonder if my twin has suddenly become an ursula instead of phoebe... edit 2: wow. i did not expect this to blow up. i can't thank everyone enough for their input. i have a call scheduled with my parents this afternoon (from what i gathered, they are extremely upset with stella and jon at the moment) depending on how that goes, i will talk to my girls about doing something big and fun instead. the more i think about it, sitting through a mass sounds less and less appealing. i'm not even religious. and i saw this query in the comments... yes, i had a cocktail with no alcohol. i use the word mocktail but i guess its meaning is still lost to some people. x'd when i asked for a list of "mocktails" last night, the server was a little condescending about it and said they're still called cocktails if they're not alcoholic.

nta

nta- i'm appaled that your sister is even going through with this? like [mil approved bff to be moh] what the actual hell? good thing you noped out because i have a funny feeling you won't be the only one if mil is controlling this from behind the scenes.

nta. i’m surprised your sister didn’t have your back.

126al35

aita for refusing to share my space

my husband and me have just moved into our own place after years of living with my in-laws. we built the house prioritizing what we wanted and needed, which turned out to be spacious. for now, it's just the two of us since we have no kids. so we've just been enjoying the spacious house and our freedom. ​ fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, mil informed us that one of my husband's nieces will be coming over with her classmates to work on a project. yes, in our house since they had little space in theirs. i was taken aback by this since they would essentially be intruding in our space, while we weren't home. i was reticent, but i agreed considering what mil has done for us in the past, and it's just for an afternoon. ​ the day came, and what initially was going to be a small group turned out to be the whole class. i was livid, but kept my cool. when we got home that day, there was crap everywhere. at least they attempted to clean up, but there were so much left that we cleaned up. ​ i told my husband, calmly, that it should be the last time that we allow something like that to happen. i just didn't like other people in my house is all. i stood my ground that our place is our place. family can come visit, but i was adamant that my house not be made into an activity center for kids who are not even our responsibility. i asked him to please tell his family that this not be repeated in the future. my husband retorted that i was selfish for not opening up our home since it has only been that one time, and that i was overreacting over something so small. so, aita?

nta

nta. if you don’t draw the line now it will never exist. they were disrespectful of your home. prior help should not be held over your head.

nta if one of them got hurt while you’re not home you’ll be blamed for responsibility especially if they’re under 18. i wouldn’t want that liability on my shoulders if i were you in your precious new home too, that’s laughable. plus what happens if one of them steals?

126arw7

aita for expecting my husband to make me food when i’m in immense pain?

i have endometriosis so my periods lately have been 2-3 weeks long, with only one week in between. they’re backwards. yes, i’ve been to a specialist for it. no, i cannot afford surgery right now additionally, i herniated a disc in my lower spine in december. now due to my intense cramps and the location of that injury, my periods are 10x worse than before. i get bloated asf to where i look 5 months pregnant all the time, my cramps are debilitating, and the back pain is somehow worse than the cramps due to the disc thing. it’s gotten so bad the last few months that i asked my doctor to prescribe me hydrocodone at my last appointment (and she did, thank god) cause it’s the only thing that takes the pain away i’ve been pretty immobile cause of all this pain. resting helps. as soon as i get up, the pain ramps up. so sometimes i ask my husband to make me food. it’s too painful to stand and move around the kitchen for 20-30 minutes making food. each and every single time i ask, he either delays it until i’m literally begging cause i’m so hungry, or he says we should just order food. keep in mind, we’ve been without my income for 4 months due to my injury and me quitting my job (i have a new job now, with a pay raise. just waiting for my first paycheck) like tonight i was planning on making baked lemon pepper chicken and rice. but i didn’t plan on being in so much pain. so i told my husband that i didn’t think i could make dinner and asked him if he could. it’s pretty simple, just put the chicken in the oven for 15-20 minutes and cook the rice in the rice cooker. for some reason he was so reluctant. like he said “ok” all defeated and exasperated. i understand not wanting to cook, but someone has to do it. if he told me that he’s in pain or not feeling good, of course i’d make him dinner. i wouldn’t make him fend for himself. that’s what he seems to think i should do! i understand that my pain is almost constant. it’s not fun for me either. but i honestly can’t control it and i do as much as i physically can. he doesn’t understand the agony i’m in on a daily basis. so much so that only fucking hydrocodone eases the pain. how could someone not take that seriously???? i’m super frustrated and i don’t think it’s much to ask to prepare a simple meal

nta

nta. your husband needs a wake up call- endo isn’t going anywhere, especially without surgery. you could try medical menopause, but i don’t particularly recommend it (it’s kind of awful and won’t actually fix anything.) you might want to see a marriage counselor- you two clearly aren’t on the same page about how the “in sickness and in health” part works and need to figure out how to get on the same page. caregiver burnout is real, and your husband may need to figure out how to take breaks or carve out time for himself while still managing the household when you can’t. i’m sorry you’re dealing with this- daily pain is awful, and when it’s bad enough to put you in bed for weeks on end it is incredibly difficult to maintain a healthy mentality.

nta but a couple of things to consider. first, having herniated a disc, i’m so sorry. it’s fucking brutal and that intense pain makes everything else in your life so much worse. i hope you get some relief soon (steroid shot worked for me). second, other people are bad at understanding pain. if you aren’t experiencing it, you can’t really understand the agony. he abstractly knows you are suffering but thats not the same thing. my guess is he just views it as you shirking your half of the chores. i get that’s not the case, but again, people are really bad at understanding other people’s pain. do what you need to do to get through this trying time. beg for help if you have to. just get through it.

126bd87

aita for wanting to choose sentimental items from mother’s estate?

i’ve always had a bad relationship with my parents. they abused, neglected and abandoned me when i was 19 because “they didn’t get their way” despite following all of their house rules. they were both arrogant, entitled and narcissistic people. the only time they paid any attention to me was when they wanted something. they constantly said that i owed them for whatever and took credit for all of my accomplishments. my mom never told me that she loved me. after a long illness, my mom passed away. i was not invited to the funeral and neither were any of my mom’s siblings or her nieces/nephews. my sister in law bragged that she and other sils were to pick from my mother’s extensive jewelry collection. i helped pick out some of those jewelry pieces and some of them are sentimental from my childhood. i was only interested in sentimental pieces and didn’t care about the rest. my father said that i could have some of her jewelry. my sil was in constant contact with me during the funeral weekend, except when they were selecting jewelry. she finally responded to me after they picked through the jewelry and completed excluded me. i did not get a choice; i was not able to select any of the sentimental pieces from my childhood. instead, i received broken and mismatched jewelry that i have no connection to. i was hurt for being excluded and everything has been taken or lost. my sil is furious that i didn’t make my mom’s funeral about her and lied to others about what happened. aita for expecting to have been included in the jewelry selection or at least expecting to have a say in what i got?

nta

you're nta, these are horrendously terrible people you have the unfortunate circumstance of being related by blood too. i would cut contact with all of them, they're an anchor on you and that will not change. anyone who is willing to side with them without hearing your side of the story (and i would refuse to offer it) isn't worth it either. don't try to convince them.

nta. but don't take it out on sil.... this was entirely your dad's fault. sil has no idea what the sentimental items were and proceeded with the info she had or implied to her. which obviously, was to take her pick first.

126bjm6

aita for deciding to not help with a discount

my gf’s father is a contractor with decades of experiences and loads of connections and friendships. one of those is also a boss from a local bike shop. they are friends and they often exchange favors. my gf and i were able to save almost $2k on our cycling gear. that’s about a 30% discount on name brands, so it’s a real deal. my sister is turning 20 and is still in college. she wants to start cycling, but is on a budget. i decided to help her with all my knowledge and i also decided to try to get her a discount at the store. i asked my gf’s father if he was willing to help with that and he said that he was happy to do it under one condition. that condition is that when he asks his friend for a discount, my sister has to buy the bike. just so he’s not wasting his friends time. that’s fair enough. i explained the situation to my sister and father. they were on board, so i recommended a model and the only thing they had to do was go try it out to figure out whether the size that was in stock was right for her. that’s where the fu on my father’s side starts. they arrived at the store, she got to ride it around the block and she really liked it. then my father started asking about the price. “is this the last price?”, “what if we buy some gear with it?” and so on. he told me he wasn’t haggling or trying to make a deal, but this sounds like he was trying to do just that. the store owner was in the store at the time. i decided that this was disrespectful to me, my gf’s father and to the store owner. to me because did he really think that he could get a better deal than me or he didn’t trust me to actually get the deal. to the store owner because the end message would be: “you said that you couldn’t offer a lower price, so we brought in the bigger guns, you fool”. to my gf’s father because this would compromise his and store owner’s trust. what he should have done is leave the discussion about discounts to me. because i said that i will arrange a great deal. it wasn’t a specific amount, but based on all the evidence it would be a lot more than what a complete stranger could do in the store. so aita for refusing to get the discount? just for the record: i feel really bad for my sister. i really wanted her to have a nice bike and she didn’t do anything wrong. i almost want to give her the money just so she can get the bike.

nta

nta sounds like he wanted to be "the man" in the situation. all he had to do was take a step back and his ego couldn't take it. you did the right thing.

no, you are nta. your father behaved terribly. he went back on his agreement with you, which, in turn, made you go back on your agreement with your gf's father, and he undermined you in the process. you have learned a lesson, but hopefully your father has too. the unfortunate part, as you have identified, is that your sister is paying the price, but because this is your father's fault, he really should be the one to rectify it.

126c9me

aita cus i asked my boyfriend to cut a pizza?

i 31f and my bf 31m live together and have been together for almost 4 years now. for context i cook and do alot in the kitchen but have a really hard time with knives and pizza cutters. it's been a fear of mine ever since i was little that i might cut my finger off if i slip or whatnot. been working my way up but still nervous when i do it. when i've mentioned this to my bf on multiple occasions,(when we're not cooking or even in the kitchen) he's supportive for the most part. but when he's in a bad mood he will literally go out of his way to say "no, i'm not helping" and this last time told me i was "being pathetic". when i confronted him and asked for an apology, he told me he didn't call me pathetic, but that i was 'acting pathetic'. i understand not wanting to help but the derogatory way he goes about it never sits right with me, so i will speak up and say "don't talk to me like that" to which i get a reply of "i'm not doing anything". and then when we start to argue after that i get loud cus...wtf? i then get a berating "i'm sorry i have to deal with your bitchy attitude" as an 'apology'. only after i start getting loud with him cus he refuses to think he did anything wrong. and then makes it about me causing problems like i started everything in the first place. we're now not talking to each other and he still refuses to apologize. aita?

nta

nta. the sign of a good relationship is what happen during the low parts. this is not supportive. reevaluate your relationship and use some kitchen scissors to cut your pizza. no boyfriend necessary.

nta; this is called gaslighting

126cklq

aita for putting my holiday before a christening

obligatory on mobile so please be kind. so to start off i 32f live in a diffent country from my family and have done so for the last decade. so of course any family events take some planning on my part to attend, i have to get time off work, find flights etc. so since the end of last year my friend 40f and i have been planning a hike on a trail in my home country. this is planned for mid april. because we have tents with us, we have no time restrictions besides being back in my hometown for our flight late sunday evening (this is important). also important to note that this friend has been through a lot in the last few years and hasn't had a holiday or any type of relaxation in around 5 years at least. so this hike is supposed to be a challenge but also relaxation. we can go at our own pace, see things along the way and just generally have fun. in comes my family. so we involved my parents in part of the planning as the flights land and take off from my home town and my dad will drive us to the start location and pick us up at the end around 3 hours drive away. so much for background. two weeks ago i got a text from my older brother 38m about what dates i would be in my home country. i told him but reminded him we were hiking and not in my home town. he put a thumbs up emoji and i didn't question it further. last week him and his girlfriend announced they were having their son 4mon m christened on the sunday morning and wanted me to be there. i informed them that while i would try, i could not guarantee anything as i was not alone and i want my friend to have a good time. now i am getting harassed by my parents that we need to be back on sunday anyway, it will be something different for my friend and my dad has taken time off work from friday to monday so he can be available to come get us. they also informed me that my brother had especially planned the christening for that day so i could be there. my problem now is i don't want to ruin my friends holiday by forcing us to keep hiking and not see anything besides the trail! she knows about everything and will move her plans to suit me but it may ruin future plans. i told my parents we will see if we make it and they are not happy with me. aita for putting my holiday plans before the spontaneous christening of my youngest nephew?

nta

nta they didn't coordinate the event with you. they are attempting to guilt-trip and steamroll you into doing what they want, regardless of what your plans are.

nta, your trip was planned first, and they didn't coordinate anything with you.

126ckv2

aita for posting a picture of my bathtub?

i (f31) am engaged to my fiance (m33) we have been together for 8 years, engaged less than one, living together for 2 months. i didn't grow up rich. our childhood home was foreclosed, and we barely got by after that. my parents worked hard. i always saw that. and i made sure i got a good job to pay as much of their bills as i could. when my fiance and i moved in together, the master bath is my favorite place. it has a big jacuzzi tub! we both have well paying jobs (he gets paid more than me) (should mention i'm 6 foot tall female. i don't fit in normal tubs. it's usually half my body) i spent about a month cleaning this thing, running cycles, and bought everything from a tub tray to brushes, to bath salts just to enjoy a real bath! this is a luxury to me and one im proud of. anyways, i set up everything! music playing glass of wine. i posted a picture of the set up with the caption "guess i'm bougie now" and the only ones i have on ig are my friends (that know my humor and family) after me soaking in this monster of a tub i get dressed and go out. my fiance says "i need to talk to you" and he takes me to our computer room and on the screen he has a definition of "boast" he makes me read it. i ask "what's this for" and he says you should be more humble. that post you made bragging... i cut him off mid sentence. i told him to stop and i left. he came into the bedroom and gave me a lecture on being humble and not bragging. i felt like a child and told him to leave me alone. i deleted the post to just keep him happy. but i don't understand why i can't be happy for what we worked for. aita for posting a picture of my bathtub? was i overreacting?

nta

i would pull up the definition of patronizing on my laptop and call him in the room to make him read it, and then lecture him on how to get a sense of humor, get a grip, and ask him how he likes being shamed like a little boy - but that’s just me. nta.

nta. a bath. he’s upset you “bragged” about having a simple bath? and he not only mocked you for enjoying something, he took a screenshot, and then demanded you follow him to look at it and scolded you like a child? this screams controlling abuser. get the heck out of this relationship. he will only get more controlling from here.

126cm7a

aita for expecting my wife's business to be wrong about having policy to not pay husbands

**my wife and i have been married for 25 years. we started with little money.** **i learned computers which brought in $120,000 a year. my wife got her ph.d. and worked as a psychologist. ten years ago i bought a recording studio business and cut back on computer work, so now i make 70,000 a year.** **five years ago, she started a treatment program business with her boss's wife, who was selling his business. since it was a similar business, he then helped set them up. they did not want him to be part of the company.** **i had my own work** **however, i set up and supported their it and did handyman stuff for a residential treatment house they bought. it was nice to help them and said it was ok if they didn't pay me. i was happy to help and put my skills to use. i put in all-nighters for emergency issues and saved them several times. though not an employee, they gave me a $2500 check for last christmas which i appreciated. this year they were tight, so there was no check. i didn't ask for a check but said a thank you card would have been nice. that's when my wife told me her business partner and she decided they would not pay the husbands when they started the business. we would get it back in other ways. i was shocked and felt weird about saying to them, "don't worry about the money; i am happy to help." were they thinking, "we weren't going to pay you anyway"?** **my wife now makes $500,000 a year. do i get anything back? well, they do pay my health insurance and took us to hawaii for a vacation, to be fair. but since i don't have as much money, they pick vacations, and we all go together. any other way it comes back? i pay for all my stuff. i spend $800 on food and groceries for myself. she has delivered food for $2,500 a month. i pay $29 a month for my gym. she spends $1,500 on trainers. i spend $3,000 a year on clothes and jewelry. she spends $25,000 a year on clothes, jewelry, etc. sometimes pay her credit cards down because i hate interest. so the question is this. is it fair that they decided not to pay their husbands for their work because it comes back in other ways? (which i am not sure it does) should i be paid if they are making money and are profitable? at the least, i would have liked to have been told this was their policy and given a choice. to find out after the fact feels disrespectful. i would still help them out, but i have to pay my staff while i am away, and i get behind, and i don't have any extra time. i work 70 hours a week between the studio and my it work.**

nta

nta. stop doing work for them. your wife and her friend can pay someone to do the work

congratulations on realising that you're not her husband; you're the minimum wage help. get used to it. nta unless you allow this to continue.

126czm4

wibta - future landlord has ignored requests for a contract and just raised the rent before we’ve moved in.

me and my partner are moving to a country town and had about 3 options offered to us. they were all very similar in price and house size, however the one we chose we did so because we knew the landlords were planning on selling and there was a chance we would buy in the future, so would be cool for us to live in it first. we inspected in january, accepted in january and told them a move in date in january (move in april). 5 weeks from moving in there is still no lease, which i asked for (no reply). under 3 weeks from moving into this house, we’ve resigned from work and made plans to move, and the landlord has messaged us asking for a ‘discussion’ about rent because they think they low balled us and are getting better offers. long story short we agreed to pay extra but we need the lease within a week. they said they’ll have it within a week and a half. now there is a better, cheaper house we’re thinking of applying for in the same neighbourhood so we can tell this landlord to forget about it because we can’t trust them. there’s every chance they won’t give us a lease and we aren’t packing our stuff until we’ve signed an agreement. wibta for applying elsewhere?

nta

nta. get out! also, at this point, i would dig through texts and email to see if they ever put the offer in writing or agreed to a price. if they did, i wouldn't sign the new lease, unless it was at that price. after 5 weeks, they may need to go through an eviction process too even without a lease - but i'd call a local attorney to check on that.

nta. that landlord sound shady as hell. protect your wallet.

126d2ft

aita for reporting her?

when i was 18(f) i was still in college and worked part time after class so most days i was out of the house from 5am until 9pm, during one of those days my mum had gone into my room and stole my passport and provisional driving licence to apply for 4 credit cards in my name (at the time it was only me and my mum in the house). fast forward a couple of years i had started uni and moved away i became aware of the credit cards when i had gone to apply for a phone contract and was rejected. after a credit i see four cards under my name all in arrears from when i was 18. i contacted my mum wanting an explanation she explained she did it when we was struggling financially. but that she was doing better and was paying them off. i stupidly believed her at the time and took pity on her. a few months passed and it shows she was paying them off. about 5 months after my brother (m23) moved in i decided to go and spend the weekend, whilst i was there two letters came in my name, i opened them to find two debt collection notices for unpaid credit cards. i confronted my mum who broke down in tears apologising promising to pay them blaming hard times, i collected my belongings straight away and went back to uni. i was contacted by my brother afterwards i explained that the whole situation wasn’t good and that i had come to the decision to call the police to get my mum done for identity theft and fraud. he went and told my mum what i planned to do who then freaked out and contacted me straight away freaking out down the phone promising threats of harm against herself and my brother. recently when i began to look for flats for after i finished university, every letting agency i went too refused to rent to me due my credit rating. i was convinced that enough was enough.i reported her for identity theft and fraud yesterday when my brother contacted me, he called me selfish saying i had ripped the family apart and that i had ruined his life as now he was facing having to pay for a house he couldn’t afford i should have sorted it out as a family matter instead of going to the police as now i had damaged the family and his mental health. aita?

nta

nta. she committed a horrible crime well aware how this could potentially run you financially. on top of that she lied to you and decided to keep lying. she’s the one who ripped the family apart not you. you tried to work it out in the family by not reporting her and giving her a chance to pay them off which she didn’t. the only way to repair your credit is by turning her in. your brother would be singing a very different tune if it was him who’s credit was destroyed and couldn’t get approved for anything.

nta. this is typical narcissistic deflection by your mum, who convinced your brother to defend her by manipulating his dependency. this is fraud. your mother made the first decision to risk a rift in the family by stealing your identity, and likely expecting your reaction (as a reasonable person should), and was already prepared to push blame on you for the expected results of her actions that a rift in the family will occur. her gambit was either you give in and continue to let her take advantage of you, or that you take action against her illegal abuse, therefore causing 'a rift', making it seem that holding her accountable for her actions was the betrayal, not the fact her stealing your identity was the actual betrayal.

126d56l

aita for getting mad when my roommate gets drunk and high

i want to start this off by mentioning that they drink at least 3 drinks a day and usually either smokes/ takes edibles. personally i don’t really care about people drinking/getting high, but they do it every day. they also vape all the time, even in our room, if the window is closed the room smells like vape juice. the reason this annoys me so much is because it’s every day and they also make a lot of noise at night due to it. in the beginning of the year my sleep schedule was good, i went to bed around 11. but now i go to bed around 4 am. they come back into the room and make a ton of noise. an example of this was when they were high and eating chips and skittles out of a container very loudly, not only chewing loud, but crumpling the bag and moving the skittles around in the container. they have also knocked alcohol all over the desk with my ps4 controller and a book i was reading at the time(i don’t have a book shelf). one of the things that also bothers me is the fact that they make promises while in this state and uses it as an excuse later on. now i understand that part but they have used excuses before that they “remember everything while high”. i feel like an a- hole for being mad every time but it gets so tiring because i feel like i’m the one taking care of them every night. i hope they don’t read this, but do at the same time because it’s so frustrating.

nta

nta. how did you get mad at them? regardless, sounds like your roommates are inconsiderate jerks.

nta for getting mad. however, you have an alcoholic roommate. they are entitled to be an alcoholic in their own home, as long as they aren't violent towards you. sadly, the only thing you can do about shitty roommates is move out.

126djed

aita for “stealing” my dog back after my neighbor tried to keep him after he got out?

before i start i saw a post very similar to mine about someone keeping a dog. i am not affiliated with that post in any way. my dog slipped through a hole in the fence that i was unaware about. i looked for my dog for about 3-4 hours before posting on the neighborhood facebook page asking for any information. he had dog tags so there couldn’t be any confusion on who the dog belonged to. i looked again the next day and i saw him through my neighbors window. i figured they found him and were getting ready to call me so i knocked on their door and told them that’s my dog. my dog was clearly trying to scratch his way out of the wife’s arms but they claimed it was their dog. i also noticed they removed the dog tags i put on him. their fence wasn’t the tallest so i waited until they let him out back to run then i called him and he came running i was able to grab him from over the fence. once they noticed he was gone they came pounding on my door. i didn’t answer it because i was worried that the husband would forcibly take my dog from me. after 10-15 minutes of them knocking they got the police involved. i told the officer that this was my dog and they took the dog tags off of him so i couldn’t easily prove it. i have all the paperwork for the dog so they can’t legally prove it’s their dog. i gave the cop the paperwork and he helped me kick them off of my property. i told my mom what happened and she said what i did was despicable and i should give him back to them. i really don’t think i did anything wrong but i’m second guessing myself after my mom said i was. a few of my other family members also said i was in the wrong, aita here?

nta

nta. wtf is wrong with your mom? what exactly did she think was despicable about it?

unless you are leaving out some sort of huge detail, you're nta and your mom is weird and wrong.

126drvt

aita for holding my friends costume hostage?

for background, i (22m) am a cosplayer who specializes in armor and prop design. my friend, kitty (20f) is also a cosplayer but she specializes more on makeup and other aspects. the local convention in our area is coming up and kitty decided that she wanted to cosplay her favorite anime character for the costume contest. this character has a lot of cybernetic elements and she has never made cosplay armor before so i decided i wanted to try to help her out. i’ll admit i was very excited to make this for her, not only to show off my skill but also just to get closer with my friend. i will also note here that my love language is gift giving so i am constantly buying and making things for kitty. i started dedicating all of my time to making this cosplay for her, pretty much getting all of the base done within the past month. i would text kitty with progress pictures constantly and she always seemed excited to see it. however, as i finally started to finish the build she became less and less excited. finally she texted me asking if i would just send her the pieces so that she could do the rest herself. i was a bit confused and asked her why and she told me that it upset her that i wasn’t letting her contribute to her own costume. i told her it was better for me to do it because i was experienced and she responded that she didn’t care. this was her costume and she wanted to be the one to build and design it and she was starting to lose interest because i was taking the fun out of it. i tried to explain that i just wanted to do something for her and i already had the stuff to finish it and she got really upset. kitty sent me a long text explaining how she never asked me to do this for her and when i offered to help she thought it meant i would teach her. she then called me selfish and said i wasn’t thinking about how she felt. i got offended by this because i was doing all of this for her and she didn’t seem to understand that. i told kitty if she was that insistent on making it by herself she was welcome to do so and i would throw everything away. she called me a selfish asshole and stopped talking to me. kitty still isn’t talking to me but my mutual friends have also reached out to call me an asshole. another friend that is cosplaying with us said i shouldn’t be petty and just give her the part of the cosplay i made instead of holding them hostage. i’m confused because i don’t think i’m holding the costume hostage if she didn’t want it in the first place. we still have a month left so if she wants to rebuild it she can. however my friends insist i give what i made to kitty since i had offered to make it for her in the first place and there was no point in being petty so, aita?

yta

you know competition rules for cons generally mean that she has to make it herself to compete? you’re taking that away from her as well as the learning experience. she wanted to make it and you decided to take that on yourself without asking if she was ok with it. you took away precious time for her to make something pre-con as well. yta

“she then called me selfish and said i wasn’t thinking about how she felt. i got offended by this because i was doing all this for her and she didn’t seem to understand that”. that quote right there explains why yta this gift stopped being about her and became all about you. you cared more about you feeling good giving a gift than what she actually wanted. she probably should have communicated better but when she told you what she wanted you had two options. 1. apologize for the miscommunication and see if she still wanted to work on it together or 2. send her the costume and pieces like she requested. instead you decided to be petty and throw out the costume because you didn’t like what she said. this could have just been a simple misunderstanding but now we’re here i guess.

126e7gl

aita for keeping my girlfriend up, because she locked me out of our shared bedroom?

i (m 30) perpetually have trouble sleeping and sometimes will need to or get up from the bed and try sleeping in a different bedroom or spend some time on the couch. my girlfriend (30 f) is a light sleeper so this can cause problems when i enter and exit the room. i try as best i can to be quiet when i enter and exit, but sometimes i can be clumsy or not light on my feet, causing her to wake up. even when i do nothing other than enter, and go directly to my side of the bed. usually i sleep in my office to avoid coming in and out of the bedroom, which wakes her up. we have two spare bedrooms, so sleeping arrangements generally aren’t the problem. last night i felt like i was actually going to be able to sleep, and i decided i wanted to sleep with her. she had work the next morning. after about 10 minutes of laying beside her, i felt like i was too hungry to sleep, so i wen’t to kitchen to make some food. i accidentally banged a pot and cupboard, which caused her to yell at me, after which i heard her lock the door of our shared bedroom. we had designated one of each of the spare bedrooms to either of us and the master bedroom is ours both to share. i pay both our rent and i felt like her taking control of the shared bedroom was unfair and disrespectful. i demanded she let me in to our shared bedroom, and she responded that i should sleep somewhere else, because, i won’t be able to sleep, which will result in her not being able to sleep. i didn’t feel that locking me out of our shared bedroom was either respectful or ‘fair’ - because she could just as easily use a spare room if she has trouble sleeping. eventually, after pounding the door, she let me in, where after i slept and she went to the other room. she is extremely angry at me (it is now the following day) and insists that i’m wrong in asserting that locking me out of our shared bedroom is ‘no bueno’, and knocking on the door until she let me in. aita?

yta

yta. also was this post written by my cat?

yta. you wanted to sleep with her but within minutes you were back up again looking for a snack. i don't blame her for feeling like it's impossible to get a good night's sleep. you need to be the one who sleeps in the other room, or you need to practice actually going to bed when you go to the bedroom. try a melatonin or thc or just don't be a nuisance.

126efdl

aita for being upfront with my parents that i refuse to look after my “autistic” brother and that they’re the ones who want him to be helpless so he is their responsibility?

i (30f) have three siblings. for privacy, i will refer to my youngest brother as “peter” (27m.) when peter was about four, a family friend told my parents that peter might have autism (she said because her husband was a pediatrician and peter reminded her of one of his autistic patients.) my parents have clung to that for years and insist to everyone that peter is autistic. **they have never had peter formally tested for autism.** which is why i put autistic in quotation marks in the title. part of me thinks that they just want peter to have special needs so that they can always feel needed and depended on by at least one of their children. they would insist that peter was incapable of performing any chores or tasks, and still claim he’s helpless. one time i said i was going to make a sandwich, and peter told me “here, let me get it” and made us both a sandwich. when my parents asked and i explained that peter made both sandwiches by himself, they called me a liar and said that i had “manipulated” peter into agreeing that he made them. peter’s teachers would tell our parents that peter was doing all these things on his own and was perfectly capable. our parents would be in complete denial, accusing the entire school of lying and insisting peter was helpless because of his never actually confirmed autism “diagnosis.” my mother was in a car accident and had to stay in the hospital for several weeks. luckily, she has made a full recovery, but the accident gave my parents a reality check that anything can happen and that they don’t know how long they will be around to look after peter. they had me come to their house (they do not trust peter to be home alone) and told me that when they passed away, they expected me to take care of peter. (they did not ask my sister “juliet” as her job requires her to live in a foreign country for most of the year. my brother “nicholas” has a medically needy son, so they said they could not ask him to look after peter either.) i told my parents that i will not be taking care of peter because he is perfectly capable of caring for himself. my parents called me selfish, insisted peter was helpless, and started to bring up his never actually confirmed autism. i stood up to them by pointing out that peter is perfectly capable of being an adult, they simply have refused to teach him. i told them that since they’re the ones who want to keep peter helpless then taking care of him is their responsibility. my parents told other members of the family (my grandparents, uncle, and a family friend) about what i said, and they called me a massive asshole. (i don’t think they understand how autism is diagnosed and that a family friend’s suggestion from when peter was four doesn’t confirm he’s autistic.) but they all told me i was completely disrespectful to my parents, the people who raised me and paid for my college. and that i am incredibly selfish for saying i would not look after my own brother because peter’s family. aita?

nta

nta. your parents have been, and continue to be, abusive towards peter. their refusal to treat him like a normal person has stunted his growth as a human. i do not understand why they're so adamant that he is helpless, up to the point that they refuse to accept what peters own teachers have told them.

nta. even if he is autistic, that doesn't make him your responsibility. >my parents told other members of the family (my grandparents, uncle, and a family friend) about what i said, and they called me a massive asshole. look at all those people queuing up to tell you how you must spend your life but not volunteering to do it themselves.

126el9b

wibta if i report my roommates for drinking?

i live in a student housing apartment with 5 other people. however, it’s off-campus and if they don’t get enough students, they let non-students live here. i’m pretty sure that i am the only roommate who is actually a student. the others are all just… kinda hanging? a couple of them work but i truly don’t know what it is they do all day except drink. our housing forbids drinking, but no one in any of the apartments really follows this rule. management is super strict about it, and i’ve know people who were evicted. i occasionally drink, but i’m not much of a drinker and don’t really find it worth the risk of eviction. however, at the beginning of the year, i told them i didn’t mind as long as they kept it on the dl and didn’t get anyone else in trouble. however, in the past couple months, they’ve become monsters to live with. they have people over most nights of the week into the late hours of the morning. i’m talking shots, loud music, yelling, with 6+ people every other night. doesn’t matter if it’s a weekday or the weekend. i ask them all the time to bring down the volume and they always respond saying they will, but it only lasts 20 minutes before they’re yelling again. they act like they’re grateful for me calling it out, saying things like “sorry we didn’t realize it was loud, thanks for letting us know” but it’s frustrating bc i feel like any considerate person who isn’t completely stupid knows that 6 drunk people yelling is loud, and that it’s rude to do that every other night. i’ve tried to tell them my perspective and they always say they’ll do better or be quieter but i have to constantly remind them and they don’t really seem to take it seriously. i’m at my wits end and i don’t want to get them in trouble but it feels like they don’t respect me and my position as a roommate enough to adjust their behavior and action. not only that, but they’re horrible at hiding their drinking and have left out their shit multiple times. our management can come in at any time, and if they saw the leftover bottles or shot glasses, they could evict all of us. my friend said i should just report them for drinking and i’ve thought about it, but i don’t know. i don’t want them to lose their housing, but they are genuinely affecting my academic life and i find it frustrating that a bunch of people who aren’t in school can live in student housing and fuck over the students living there. i’m worried that if i report them for noise, that management will find out they’re drinking and evict me for not reporting it. i’m also worried on the off change that managent doesn’t evict them that my roommates will hate me forever and make my life hell since they’ll definitely know it was me. i feel conflicted, i don’t want to be a narc and i don’t want to ruin their lives but they’ve been ruining mine for months and don’t seem to care. wibta if i reported my roommates for drinking?

nta

is it possible to just be rehoused? maybe you can move into a different housing with other students and then you don't have to report anyone and risk your own eviction for not having reported earlier or causing drama between yourself and them? for the record, if you can't do that, you're still nta if you report them. they have no respect for you. they are repeat offenders. they're doing things they shouldn't be doing and don't care about the negative affect it's having on you. if you can move and it's easier, then try and do that. if not, report them.

nta. you are risking eviction by not reporting it or requesting a housing transfer. if they get caught, you won't be able to prove your innocence.

126emy1

aita for being annoyed at my mother?

i (14 ftm) my mum (f43) had an argument over a drawing i did, i've drawn for my whole life as my mum has never really been supportive of my drawing and art. my mum recently has been begging me to do a drawing of our dog for her, i've been putting it off since i'm not the best at drawing animals. i finally did it after around 4 months. she precideds to complain and critique the drawing. (my mum has no artistic talent, no one in my family does) my dog was 2kg over what he was ment to be, my mum has always taken it personal wjen it's been brought up and is upset i used a reference where he was overweight. he looked alot bigger than he was; it was 1) the pose he was sitting in 2) he was infact overweight. i genuinely wanted to do soemthing nice for my mum and i don't know why she reacted like that. me ans my mum for as long as i remember have has a rocky relationship and it's only been made worse by me coming out. so aita?

nta

nta. you cannot be the ah for how you *feel*; a person is only an ah for how they *act*. so if you pout and sulk, that makes you an ah. but if you feel annoyed, but you remain polite, then that's fine. it's annoying to have your artwork criticized, especially when you didn't want to do it in the first place.

nta, she asked for a drawing and you drew it as well as you could. her overreaction isnt your fault

126ep9e

aita for getting mad at my friend/ housemate and moving out

i 26f have been friends with kay 26f for about 3/4 years and we decided to move in together with our partners (hers 26f and mine 26m) last year november. all the initial moving costs and expenses were paid by me since they never had money. they were supposed to pay me back but came into other issues and i ended up having to borrow them more money. living with friends is a disaster!! they had not spent even a cent on groceries yet they were very wasteful. not being considerate. before thanksgiving, i invited them to my home and i financed the whole trip, including gas money but no one was grateful. fine i decide to stay home and not live with them and when i returned my belongings were missing, my things were taken from my room and were being used. when i spoke to my bf he said he didn’t know anything and that annpyed me cause how are you there and not able to keep my stuff safe? a month later i said i was no longer going to be sharing with them but somehow my things were still being used and no one replaces when it’s finished. my fan was broken and no one even alerted me or even apologised. i had to buy a new fan at my own expense. long story short alot of things happened and. i was fed up and hated being there. i decided to move out and they asked if i could keep my studf there since i was at home anyways. i agreed big mistake. i returned to visit my bf and found more of my dishes and furniture either broken or missing, found my pots outside and i was so confused. when i ask no one knows what happened. this week my friends sister passed away and shes been away and taking things from this house to her home. when i asked her to retun the stuff she said she didn’t take it and the other stuff she took was finished. i literally got annoyed and told her i’m leaving and taking all my stuff. she is posting sub posts about how friends are few when days are dark. now am i the asshole for leaving this way? frankly i want to understand what i was supposed to do when i had reached my limit

nta

nta, but you were kind of an idiot here. don't move in with somebody who can't even afford the move and don't leave your stuff with people who've already shown they'll just use and break it. those are not your friends.

nta but why would you agree to move in with people who don’t have any money to begin with. also what the hell is your bf doing during all this?

126fluc

wibta if i told my roommate he smells

my boyfriend (29m) and i (28f) live in a relatively small house. we rent out a spare bedroom to a friend (26m). he and my boyfriend have been friends for close to 10 years now. he is a good roommate. he keeps his space clean, always pays on time, joins us for what we call “family time” where we watch movie together or go out to eat some where. he is incredibly nice. my only problem is that he smells so bad. like “middle school kid who hasn’t discovered deodorant yet” bad. if he sits on our couch, the couch pillows and the couch will reek of b.o. if we drive with him somewhere, we have to roll down the windows because it’s unbearable. any time he opens his bedroom door, the smell of b.o wafts through the house. we have told him in the past that he stinks, he says he will shower more, and then he doesn’t. he says he uses deodorant but it doesn’t seem to work. i don’t think it’s my place to tell him how bad he smells, but any time my boyfriend tells him, he thinks he’s joking. wibta if i told him he smells?

nta

nta. i think it's totally your place to tell him. the three of you share a house - hell, it's *your* house - and it's unfair that you have to deal with his lack of hygiene. yes, he'll get upset, because no one likes being told they smell, but you really need to stress how bad it is and how it's affecting everyone. really bad bo is also an indication of medical issues, so you can break it to him in a "we're concerned" kind of way.

nta - just tell him respectfully and it is for his own good too.

126fluc

wibta if i told my roommate he smells

my boyfriend (29m) and i (28f) live in a relatively small house. we rent out a spare bedroom to a friend (26m). he and my boyfriend have been friends for close to 10 years now. he is a good roommate. he keeps his space clean, always pays on time, joins us for what we call “family time” where we watch movie together or go out to eat some where. he is incredibly nice. my only problem is that he smells so bad. like “middle school kid who hasn’t discovered deodorant yet” bad. if he sits on our couch, the couch pillows and the couch will reek of b.o. if we drive with him somewhere, we have to roll down the windows because it’s unbearable. any time he opens his bedroom door, the smell of b.o wafts through the house. we have told him in the past that he stinks, he says he will shower more, and then he doesn’t. he says he uses deodorant but it doesn’t seem to work. i don’t think it’s my place to tell him how bad he smells, but any time my boyfriend tells him, he thinks he’s joking. wibta if i told him he smells?

nta

nta. i think it's totally your place to tell him. the three of you share a house - hell, it's *your* house - and it's unfair that you have to deal with his lack of hygiene. yes, he'll get upset, because no one likes being told they smell, but you really need to stress how bad it is and how it's affecting everyone. really bad bo is also an indication of medical issues, so you can break it to him in a "we're concerned" kind of way.

nta - just tell him respectfully and it is for his own good too.

126foj8

aita for not letting my fiancé travel with my mil

my boyfriend now fiancé and i have been together several years . my monster in law of a future mother in law has never liked me and keeps making my life a living hell. tons of melt downs, things i’m not invited to, and she’s constantly finding any way to talk shit about me. (literally told everyone i ruined her birthday by showing up and that i was a c*unt) just because i wanted to have a date on vacation with my fiancé. she said i was taking away from family time.. when the trip was for me .. for my birthday not even originally a family vacation but she invited herself on it and made us share a room for a week. a lot of the time she acts like he’s her significant other. she has the expectation he needs to do things for her and only her and has made fun of him when he has gotten things done for me like an oil change or asks him why he does those things if we’re not even married yet . i understand son and mother relationships that are close so i’m not jealous of it when they go to lunch or the movies or anywhere close to home but she recently purchased tickets for just her and him to go out of the country for several weeks. she has melt downs when him and i go out of down for a weekend get away for god sakes so i feel like i have the right to be upset, right ? she has taken him away on the same main holiday all years we have been together, making excuses as to why i was not invited. including birthday things she planned for him invited family and friends but not his girlfriend because she didn’t think i “would want a room to myself” as she said . she has had break downs about me and how i ruin her relationship with him but i honestly stay out of it and just don’t go around her because it brings me more anxiety than i can handle. i am a very if i don’t like you i don’t have to be around you and if i don’t want to deal with it, i won’t be around it type of person . if i feel fucked over i don’t give other chances but she has had plenty of time to fix things in the past but i’m exhausted and have zero interest in fixing it. she intentionally does things and says things about me to bother me . i just don’t see how it’s okay for him to go but he doesn’t see it, am i in the wrong ? is it normal for mid 20s to travel with just their mom if their in a serious relationship or am i truly the ahole ? additional update : thank you !!! i didn’t think i would get back as many nta, yes my fiancé has my back 1000% and has stuck up for me and set those boundaries lol but sometimes i just feel like i’m the crazy one for needing those boundaries because she says i’m ruining her relationship when i feel she’s made it harder on herself for making me not go over, making my fiancé no longer put up with it too !!

nta

nta. unfortunately, you do not have a mil problem. you have a fiancé problem. has he not once stood up for you?

nta, and i recommend buying a sturdy pair of sneakers and… run for your life!!! oh man, i’ve been there and it won’t stop. if your fiancé seemed to be remotely on your side it would be a different story. don’t marry someone who is indifferent to you being harassed and belittled. the bully being his mother does not excuse him not caring how it effects you. it isn’t about the vacation cause i bet you would be happy for him to have a family adventure if his mom wasn’t a monster.

126fprk

aita for wanting my gf to stop texting

me and my gf only see each other at the weekends because of where we live and can’t afford to move in together yet my girlfriend goes out every week with her friends messages them all the time then when she comes to mine she messages them all time i’ve asked her before and she just says “they are my friends i want to spend time with them” i say but you see them and message them all the time when you’re not here she just reply’s that she feels like i’m isolating her now don’t get me wrong she can message her friends but it’s all the time after we eat anything it’s straight to a friend we go and do anything when we get back it’s straight to friends even after sex it’s straight to friends am i the asshole for wanting to spend time with her

nta

nta - i think people text too much nowadays too. i get kinda annoyed also when i'm hanging out with friends who are glued to their phones. maybe it is a generational thing but i make it a point to put down my phone for a good chunk of time when hanging out with people i care about.

nta but you should communciate better and set some boundaries. instead of saying " stop texting your friends when we together" say "i feel hurt and dismissed, i rarely see you and want to spend alone time with you, can you awswer them in a few hours if it's not urgent" that's just an example but you get where i'm going with it. also the fact that you asked "am i the asshole for wanting to spend time with her" just sounds like you don't see how you might be doing something wrong or communicating poorly.

126gcnl

aita for not taking my wife on holiday right now

just some context, i'm 32, my wife is 31. we have a small baby (18mo) and he doesn't really enjoy driving, plane flights etc. also i am finishing up a project for my work (i'm the sole earner as she takes care of the kid). we have been fighting for the last 2 months because she wants to go on holiday when i really can't and don't want to do it now - the baby is super annoying on holiday because it's still very young and i have to finish up this project and be available. she can't understand that. she says she can't be at home anymore, she needs to go somewhere warm. we have been to greece in september and have another holiday in italy set up for august. am i the asshole? i feel so frustrated when she just can't accept a no on this matter. we will be going on a holiday soon but that still is not enough for her. i know this is first world problems and this is what i told her this morning and now we're fighiting again. ​ he's the most important person in my life and i love him a lot! ​ edit 2: i told her that if she needs holiday i will finance everything and even pay for her sister to go with her so that she can get some rest. she replied that she wants me to go as well because she will feel like a single mother. unfortunately i really cannot go now because of work.

nta

nta - seems really like a first world problem because greece 6 months ago and italy 4 months later seems plenty of holidays to me. but she might be feeling very cooped up at home, maybe you can make out a compromise and take a day off just to drive somewhere with a change of scenery and get a sitter to take care of the baby while she unwinds?

nta but as a mother myself it can become very lonely being home all the time. maybe you need to have a meaningful conversation and offer some one on one time with her, this might be her way of saying she needs some attention? she also might want a night out with friends, being around just a child in a confined space for a long period of time is difficult, she might be missing adult interactions.

126gd0b

wibta if i don’t give an ex-friend their concert ticket?

i (18f) met my friends (all 18f) september last year during our first quarter of college. we quickly became friends and decided to buy concert tickets in october for a band performing this april. to make it easier on my friends i purchased everyone’s tickets on my ticket account and they all venmo’d me the money. between october-december, numerous events led us to falling out with one of our friends “stacy” (18f). in short, stacy would often get mad and give us the silent treatment over petty things and also owed us all money. in my opinion, she disrespected me especially more often than the others (issues pertaining to: jealousy/being disrespectful during the death of my relative/a homophobic comment). the falling out finally happened on stacy’s part when she thought we planning on going to eat without her when we weren’t (we ended up eating with her). since that day (early jan) she has not spoken a single word to us and removed us on all social media although we are all roommates in the same dorm. this week she reached out to me asking me to send her the ticket (as i received everyone’s through my account). stacy really wants to go to the concert since the group has a very personal meaning to her. however, my friends and i feel that her sitting right next to us will ruin our experience that we are looking forward to. i was planing on telling her that since we do not hang out anymore, i am going to venmo her back her money (hence withholding her ticket). wibta? additional info: we bought the tickets for $50/ea and they are now around $160. so she would be unable to purchase a new ticket. also the ticket was $50 but i paid $20 for her as she was saying she didn’t know if she had the money to go—and i wanted her to be able to attend (everyone else payed the full $50).

nta

nta - she's the one that alienated everyone so you'd be making the reasonable choice to refund the ticket because she's just going to make the atmosphere weird.

wait, you paid for more than half of her ticket, then she was an ass to you, and then she still demands the ticket from you? wow, the entitlement! i'm glad to hear she's your ex-friend. nta, times a million. edit -- okay, i guess that's less than half. sorry, my math skills are definitely sub-par. but my verdict stands!

126gus1

aita for insulting my friend’s job after she insulted mine?

i (m28) am a project manager for a large tech company. it’s a job i really like, and i’m proud of the work i do. i chat regularly on zoom with three of my friends from college. one of them, let’s call her emily (f28) went to medical school, and discovered her passion for pediatrics, and had dreams of becoming a pediatrician. unfortunately for her, she didn’t match to pediatrics for residency, and matched internal medicine instead. she was very disappointed, and plans on completing her residency and then trying to re-apply for pediatrics through some process. she has been my friend for years, but she has a bit of a mean streak at times while we were catching up on zoom the other day, i brought up a project i had helped get off the ground at my company. i was honestly thrilled at the role i played, and wanted to share it with my friends. emily was the first to respond, and sarcastically said (paraphrasing) “yes, congrats on being a big corporate stooge op, clearly you are doing the world so much good at your job”. that got me mad. i may not be saving lives as doctors do but i do really care about the work i do. so i bluntly responded “at least i got the job i wanted, emily” she was furious, and the other two looked stunned. emily cussed me out and then left the zoom meeting right then and there. my two other friends told me i was an ah for my comment. they said that, while they agreed that emily’s remark was uncalled for, my reply was disproportionate given how much she had wanted to be a pediatrician and how upset she was that she hadn’t gotten it. i thought it was fair to fight fire with fire, but now i am wondering if my comment was over the top and if i should apologize aita? in the interest of keeping the peace, i messaged emily, and we both ended up apologizing to each other. i told her i felt bad for hitting her in a sore spot, but that her comment hurt me too. she said she was having a tough week at the hospital and that she shouldn’t have taken it out on me. so we’ll be okay

nta

nta - people living in glass houses shouldn't be throwing rocks lol she was openly insulting your job. your reply, while it stings, is just stating a fact, it doesn't actually devalue her job. personally i'll say her remark was much worst than yours.

i was anticipating calling you an ah, but actually think your response was fully acceptable. she attacked you personally, and you *defended* yourself by saying you liked what you’re doing (with a slight dig at her not getting *her* desired job). a little shade, but you were provoked. nta

126gvef

aita for not letting my teacher single me out?

so i (16m) came into my algebra class and noticed the teacher (50-60f) was already mad at the class because someone had cussed in the class and she wanted to know who it was. she’s really against swearing but because of this she told everyone to put the phones up. she typically allows them for the first part of class. a few seconds after putting them away, she comes to my desk (i don’t sit anyway near her desk, nor do i sit in the front row, so she was seeking me out for a reason) and tells me i must give her my phone, and my phone only. i ask her for what reason do i have to give up my phone, the phone was already put away. she then called an administrator (the principal came instead) and took me to her office. it’s not uncommon for me to be picked on by teachers and students, mostly because of my height and chubby face, and i could definitely tell the teacher was trying to single me out to make an example out of me, which was way out of line. after telling the principal about how things went down she said two things. 1) i don’t care. and 2) i don’t care if it’s morally or illegally wrong, i expect you to do whatever the teacher says. this upset me a bit, because even though the principal said i might be right in trying to defend myself and my property, she said she still favors her teachers and doesn’t want to look further into the situation, then suspended me for the rest of the week. i admit that maybe i could’ve given my phone up and talked to the principal after class, but after the immature talk i had with the principal i don’t think she was ever going to be on my side of this bullying. aita? i now ask how i should go about getting my teacher and principal in trouble and at least be punished accordingly for staining my record. my mother has already sent out emails that were ignored. should i go into school next week and just ask why my teacher picked on my while i’m recording?

nta

nta. proper teachers shouldn’t be bullying their own students, especially not to make an example that likely won’t be cared for. your principal should have done something, even a light slap on the wrist(not literally)would’ve been justifiable. you were also just defending yourself and your property. i myself tend to get a bit defensive when being picked on, so i can understand the feeling. don’t feel bad, she was the antagonist in the situation. also, it’s ok to get a bit short-tempted or maybe a little immature, we’re only human, after all.

>i don’t care if it’s morally or legally wrong, i expect you to do whatever the teacher says i’d follow up with an email to try and get that in writing. i’m sure the community would love to hear that their principal will always side with the teacher. even if the teacher is committing a crime with a student. nta

126gvt8

aita for saying no to my college principal after he ordered to stand up from college canteen because me and my female friend were sitting together?

me(21m) and my friend (20f) were sitting in the college canteen together because she was having a low blood pressure (regular case for her though) and we are there give her something to drink. after drinking she sat near me and put her head on my shoulder because she was tired. then our college principal came in and saw us and immediately turned towards us to say this was not allowed in the campus and against college discipline. he asked immediately to stand up and move her (her alone ) to some other place if she was having low bp. we both said it's alright and she prefers sitting here like this and he started ordering. he immediately changed his tone and asked me to shut up and he was talking to her. while she was tired to talk and he doesn't listen when she says no and she is alright, i started talking back behalf of her as she was tired. she even begged him to leave her alone as she was fed up. then after me saying no to him , he started collecting our details and threatened to take actions against us. after some time in the afternoon, i was having final exams that day, just as the exam started he called me to the office and didn't allow me to write the exam before meeting him. when i met him he told me to wait outside for few minutes and after that he called both of us into office and started shouting and threatening. he said we didn't listen to him and since he was the principal of the college he felt it insulting. surprisingly all the teachers who were in the room supported the principal. and after 15 minutes of exchanges he allowed me to write exam and asked me to call my parents next day. when both of our parents came the story changed dramatically and he started telling them he was just trying to give her first aid and i refused. i was the one having problems when taking her to somewhere else. my behaviour was very rude and i insulated the. principal. and again the teachers were all in support of him and started criticising us as well. who is the ah here

nta

nta what kind of color changing dragon is this principal. his ego is so far up there i don’t see him coming back.

yeesh what sort of christian college hell is this? you’re nta but it seems you’re in an academic environment where a lot of “morality“ is being enforced here. did you all sign a morality contract upon enrolling about no dating or relationships?

126gyf8

aita for accidentally starting a family argument

i (16f) have been struggling with dizziness for the past 3 years. we have gone to the doctors multiple times about it and they are unable to find a cause. however, the medical staff down where i live can be quite useless sometimes (when it comes to things like this). for context, these dizzy episodes can last minutes to days and i struggle to walk, stand and sometimes even sit up properly. so a lot of the time, i’m stuck in bed. last night, my grandad came over for dinner and i stood up to get the tv remote to change the channel and i had to sit down quickly as i got dizzy and my legs felt weak. later on, i heard my grandad speaking to my mum about how she needs to phone the doctors and ask for another appointment. mum got annoyed and ended up raising her voice to him. in response, my grandad stated that he would gladly drive anywhere around the country to have this checked out. when my mum was my age, the doctors where i live did not help her with the illness she has and my grandad fought to have a specialist consult her and he ended up getting one in london and he was shocked about how they missed certain things. my grandad pointed this out and said that she should do the same for me as i should t be expected to deal with this. i personally kept being dragged into the conversation and it felt really uncomfortable. mum then said to me that i shouldn’t stand up around my grandad when i feel dizzy as she is “getting an earful”. and slowly, the argument died off there. mum then proceeded to joke saying how i better not be faking it and how i shouldn’t be dizzy because i was laughing at a joke my grandad said. this then caused another argument that thankfully didn’t last as long. however, it was really awkward the rest of the evening and i feel really bad for accidentally starting this argument as i know how close my mum and grandads relationship is and i feel like i’ve ruined it slightly. so aita?

nta

nta your grandad is absolutely right, this could be a very serious conditions and your mom should be advocating for you, not dismissing you and joking that you're faking. she's playing with your health. she's "getting an earful" because she deserves it. how can you deal with school like this? how are you going to work? does your mom not see how terrible this is? don't you? you need health care sweety. if that means annoying your mom to death until she gets it to you, you should do that. this is your life.

blame the nhs! all joking aside, you are absolutely, positively, nta! if my kid was suffering, and the local doctors couldn't tell me why or help, i would be on the phone, on the internet, or in an office, asking for resources or information on who or where to call! your mother has experienced this and still won't do more than, "don't stand around grampa."? that's freaking horrible. she's letting you down, bad! ask your grandfather for help. be grateful that you have him looking out for you. best wishes. you didn't start any argument. it was your mother's obvious neglect that started it.

126h399

aita for asking my bf to not play games w/friends

i've never posted on reddit before so sorry if i do it wrong pre-knowledge stuff about me, not for sympathy. i've struggled with my mental health since i was 10 and have been diagnosed with anxiety and bpd. i've only yelled at my boyfriend one time because of a separate argument, and i try not to swear at him, if i do i take a break and come back to talk about the argument when i've calmed down - i only add this because my mental health might be affecting my judgement, i also don't want anyone to think that because i have bpd, i yell at my boyfriend and scream at him, i keep to myself and try not to get angry or cry in front of him. i added this for an unbiased opinion my boyfriend and i (19) have been in a relationship for almost a year, it was great at the start because we didn't get into any arguments, however we started getting into more arguments the longer we were dating. anyways, today we were talking about going home after uni and watching the avengers, i was pretty excited because i've been having a hard time dealing with things and i haven't had to the chance to sit down and talk to him and watch something with him because he's been playing games with his friends for the five days. i've just recently stopped being friends with my two best friends of 10 years, my relationship with my family has been really rocky and my schooling isn't going the best right now, so i was really looking forward to just spend some time with him today and it be just me and him. however, he told me as i was coming home that he was playing with his friends again and would be getting off at 9-10 and that we'd watch the movie after. i've told him a few times that i'm trying to get back on track and that i need to go to sleep earlier so this wouldn't work, i also told him that i feel really hurt because i feel like i've been pushed aside, with a lot of other occasions where our plans have been pushed off or finished early so he could hang out with his friends, and that i feel like a last resort type of thing. after i told him this he asked me to wait because he was busy and didn't reply for another hour and a half (because he was playing games with his friends) and then we started arguing. he said that i'm too demanding, set unreal expectations and that i'm crossing his boundaries. i asked if he could please not play tonight and if we could talk for a bit without distractions to which led to more arguing and name-calling, after which i had to call for a timeout and leave it alone. i've tried to tell him a few times that i don't feel listened to, and every time i try to tell him i'm upset about something it starts an argument. i think i’m ta because i asked him to not spend time with his friends, and i may be clouded because i have lost my two best friends? i'm not sure if i'm being too sensitive and i can't ask anyone for advice so please help, thank you

nta

nta - so let me get this right: you guys had plans he then tells you “ actually in gaming, we will do it later” even though that wasn’t the plan you can’t do it later because your trying to fix your sleep schedule, something he knows you are doing and thus is aware that you wouldn’t be able to and all of this on top of the fact he has a history of shifting plans with you or ending them early so he can game with friends? i am a huge gamer but come on, i would never end a date or a hang out with my girlfriend early to game, i especially wouldn’t do it repeatedly

nta — your request was a simple one and he’s been playing games for five days. even if it’s a tabletop game, video/lan games, or something like d&d with a campaign, he should be able to negotiate with his friends that he needs a night off to spend with you. sounds like your relationship is not a priority for him. i’d take this is as a 🚩and consider your next move. i hope things improve soon.

126hl5z

aita for not telling my dad that my boyfriend would be over late?

i (22f) live with my parents and 2 siblings. my sister (19f) and brother (17m) and i all help pay for bills and various expenses. almost to the point where we are paying half of rent to live in our town house. when we we're younger we would always tell our parents if someone was coming over and how long they'd be at the house for. makes perfect sense. however, ever since my dad told my mom he wanted a divorce, every time i ask or let him know that my partner will be over or if i'm leaving the house, he says "i don't care you're an adult do what you want". he even told me not to tell him anymore so i stopped. but i still do my best to he respectful of all his rules even though he doesn't even sleep in the house or is a part of the family. he sleeps in the garage or his truck and then acts like we're trying to kick him out. i told him that he'll always be my dad no matter what and i have told him i'd like to be treated as an adult and i want to have civil discussions instead of being yelled at like i'm 13. he chose to have a fit tonight after he came home from god knows where and saw my sister and i with our respective partners at 1am looking at videos together in the living room. we had all just finished eating dinner with my mom and brother who chose to go to bed after watching a movie together. i could understand if he feels left out but he does nothing to partake in family time. i don't know what to do anymore. now he's saying "no boyfriends allowed in the house! i work my ass off for it!". my sister and i help pay rent for the house. we should get a say too. am i wrong? am i the asshole? tl;dr my dad thinks he can boss my family around after choosing to leave the family, and expects us to follow his rules blindly.

nta

if your dad chose to move out and you and your sibs pay "rent" and you aren't doing anything illegal or something that could adversely affect your younger sibs, then nta!!! your dad sounds like he wants to move back in, that is a convo he needs to have with your mom.

nta you followed his rules and he told you to stop telling him so you did. about should you have input over the rules of the house, yes you should, you pay rent and so it's your house to and if he doesn't like it you can always move out. sounds like there may be something you're unaware of regardsing the devorce because the way he is acting is like he is being pushed out but sounds like he wanted it.

126hojd

aita for not wanting my boyfriend’s family to come along on my birthday dinner?

so i (22f) am turning 23 tomorrow. my boyfriend (22m) has planned us to get an expensive buffet, a diy teriyaki place, which i absolutely love. so our plan was just a simple birthday, no parties, no big dinner, just us two spending dinner together and spend the night at a hotel later on. so me and my boyf’s mum never really has a good relationship nor a bad one. but one thing i know abt her for sure is that she likes to complain abt me all the time to my boyf, and assumed stuff about me. for instance, when we went out to buy groceries, me and her mum got different stuffs and were planning to pay for our own stuff. when i got home, my bf told me that her mum assumed he had paid all my groceries instead of paying myself. basically she likes the idea of me being a gold digger. she always complains about how i would spend a lot of his money. and i know for sure that is not true. there’s also this one time, where i asked my boyfriend if i could borrow one of his keyboards because mine was broken. he wasn’t going to use them since he is using a laptop. his mum complained and said “what if we need for emergency?”. mind you, the mum doesn’t even use computer. on the other hand, she never sees what i have done to her son at all. when my boyf’s laptop screen broke, i gave him my monitor that i am currently using because i use 2 monitors whenever i use my pc. and idc, but she never noticed it ig. so the issue rn is, i was really looking forward for this birthday dinner because i only get to eat at this restaurant once a year since that it is expensive, and i want to spend it with my boyfriend alone. so the dinner was going to be my birthday gift from my bf, which i am very thankful for. when the mum heard of our dinner plan. she kept asking “why don’t you ask your sister and lucas (bf sis’s bf), to come along?” at first i was ok with this idea until his mum mentioned that my boyf has to pay for everyone. in total it would be around 400 bucks. it might not be much for you, but it is to me. not only i wouldn’t be able to enjoy the food with peace, my boyf has to use his money for their meals. i told my boyf, if his mother really insisted on his family to come along on my birthday dinner, i don’t want to go. i just want my birthday to be just the two of us. so am i the asshole?

nta

definitely nta. your mother-in-law can suggest all sort of random stuff that you have zero obligation to comply with.

nta it’s your birthday you decide who comes. if they want to go they can go on their own or invite you and pay for you another time

126huum

wibta i an asshole for making a mate pay for my car repairs?

for context if it matters this is in australia. my boyfriend (m20) and i (m20) were driving back to my place to hang out after a mate’s birthday gathering. we also had another mate - let’s call him j (m20) - join us who was driving in his own car behind us with another friend in the passenger. as i am a leaner driver (l plates), my boyfriend who is a full license was accompanying me to help me get my hours up. when we arrived near my location, i was instructed to slow down a little so that we could find a place to park. there was no sudden stop, it was a slow gradual slowing down of the vehicle until i believed i got to a point where i could start reversing into a spot. we stopped for about a full second until we were hit really hard from the back by j. obviously panicked we all found a place to stop so made sure that everyone was safe and okay. no one screamed or yelled, we just wanted to make sure no one was hurt. as we did not believe that this was our fault, which was backed up by the passenger in j’s car who saw him get too close to our car, we asked him for his insurance details however he wasn’t sure we had it until we found out in the morning that he doesn’t have third party property damage. again during this encounter, no one was angry, there was no yelling or anything involved, we both just did the right thing which mean exchanging license information and so on, however i just can’t fathom the fact that he hasn’t got any property insurance. j was panicked, but my boyfriend was reassuring him that it would be ok and the most important thing is everyone is safe. we went into a smash repair today and was basically quoted that the vehicle would be really expensive to cover, upwards to 10k to fix. my car isn’t a fancy bmw, it’s a second hand toyota corolla from 2008 and there is some sentimental value as it’s a car my mum and i saved up for and got when we were really struggling. j is adamant that it’s both of our fault and is refusing to take responsibility. i’m trying to be as accomodating as i can and trying to see if we can both make it work and compromise but we’re sure that it’s not our fault. because j doesn’t have insurance i feel bad that he has to cover it out of pocket, but i don’t see other options. basically the mechanic and people have advised me that if they don’t offer to pay, then i’d have to pursue the police, however not too sure how to feel about it. basically, amita for trying to get my mate to pay for the damage to my car, or if i pursue the police if he declines?

nta

nta. australian here. if you are hit from behind its that drivers fault period. you'reeant to be far enough away that you can safely stop of the car in front has to quickly jam on the breaks. tailgating is both stupid and dangerous. especially behind a l plater.

nta and since you where a learner he should have left more room. that's why there are learner plates and other things the likes of. sounds like he wasn't paying attention along with following to close.

126ifdo

aita for telling my stepmom i don't want to include her as mom of the bride and telling my dad that it's unfair to expect my mom to be perfect?

title might be confusing and overly detailed but i'll try to give enough details in the post. my parents divorced when i was 5. i don't actually remember them together. my dad met my stepmom when i was 6. my stepmom tried to fill a second mom role and my dad tried to facilitate that. at times it meant them asking my mom to let me go someplace with them on her time or trying to get a mother's day celebration in. i know it hurt my mom, the thought of sharing the role as my mom. she never said anything. she never discouraged me at all. but there are always ways to tell if you know someone well enough and pay enough attention. i want to reiterate, my mom never interfered or said anything against my stepmom or dad. my noticing could be the reason i'm not closer to my stepmom. though i definitely don't despise her or see her as nothing. but a second mom is not something i ever considered her as. i do like her though. for my wedding planning and dress appointments, etc. i wanted to make it small and something for just me and my mom. i wanted the experience with her anyway but i also wanted to give her something she doesn't have to share with my stepmom. this became more of a thing when my grandma and great aunt, on my dad's side, called my stepmom mother of the bride on fb and the three commented that it would be a great experience for her to see me pick a dress and stuff. after seeing that i went to my stepmom (and dad technically) and told her i didn't want to give her a role as mom of the bride and she wouldn't be doing the traditional mom of the bride stuff with me (dress shopping and fittings). i told her we could figure something else out. asked was there anything else she'd want to tag along for. like looking at flowers. she was sad and asked me why i didn't want her as the second mom of the bride. i told her i wanted that for just my mom. dad then brings up that my mom won't mind and she'd want me to have both my mom's there. i told him he was wrong. that she only ever agreed to share it because she felt it was the right thing to do but it hurt her. he looked stunned and asked how i knew. i told him those close to her always knew. he then said he never would have expected that from her because she was always the perfect parent and person and that was why they ended up divorcing, because he couldn't handle it and was envious of her. i told him nobody is perfect and it's unfair for him to expect my mom to be. i asked him if he'd be happy to be one of my dad's. he said of course not but he always thought mom would be better than him. the whole conversation left my dad and stepmom with rough feelings and she made it clear she was upset that after all these years i wouldn't give her the love and respect to be included as a mom of the bride. also, i have spoken to my mom about the overall topic before. she has never admitted it but always said she wanted the best for me and for me to be happy. her best friend confirmed it for me though. aita?

nta

nta. >for my wedding planning and dress appointments, etc. i wanted to make it small and something for just me and my mom. this is as clear as it gets. >my grandma and great aunt, on my dad's side, called my stepmom mother of the bride on fb and the three commented that it would be a great experience for her to see me pick a dress and stuff. people need to focus on their own lives instead of behaving like this. >she was always the perfect parent and person and that was why they ended up divorcing, you and your mother are not the problem here. >i asked him if he'd be happy to be one of my dad's. he said of course not but he always thought mom would be better than him. this is staggering. don't let them walk all over you and your mother.

you have a living mother it's incredibly narcissistic for your father and your stepmom to think that she is going to serve in the role of your mother for your wedding preparations when you have a living mom that you are close to. it's also completely unreasonable that these people hold your mother to a higher standard than they hold themselves. nta at all.

126ixnc

aita for letting my best friend propose at my wedding

now this sounds like a ridiculous question but i 28m and my now wife 31m got married at christmas time (i wanted summer but happy wife happy life) and my best friend who we will call dave came to me about 2 months before the wedding asking me if it was ok if he proposed at the reception i discussed it with my wife and we both said of course that’s ok because it’s dave. bit of background dave introduced us 8 years ago and is the godfather of our son. now that’s out of the way i’ll explain the problem so dave proposed my wife did the classic flower toss but instead of throwing walker them over to dave’s girlfriend jess she said yes blah blah blah everyone’s happy all smiles and champagne issue is my father in law takes me to one side saying he should have been told alongside his wife to which i laughed as i was half drunk on marital bliss (and scotch) now fast forward to after our honeymoon (we took our kid to disney world very romantic for us i know) he isn’t speaking to me and is claiming i disrespected him by laughing and by keeping secrets from him so aita? (sorry for the punctuation never really been my thing)

nta

nta. *why* should he be told in advance about something that's to happen at *your* wedding with *your* friends? what a weird hill do die on.

major nta here. it's not his wedding, it's not his marriage, it's not his friend. if he's refusing to speak to you over it then good! keep that manipulative controlling attitude the hell away from your life.

126j642

aita for lighting a match at night and “scaring” my boyfriend’s dad so badly he woke up the whole house?

my boyfriend and i are staying at his parents’ house. it’s been going really well, but his dad is very particular. he has moments every day where he corrects or instructs the other people in the house on how he wants us to behave. i don’t really have a problem with it, but he has a few rules that do make me a little uncomfortable. i don’t need to get into why, but i always get diarrhea here. i’ve been visiting them a few times a year for almost a decade and it just is what it is. my boyfriend and i used to stay in a room downstairs with a bathroom and it wasn’t a problem, but his brother moved back home and now we don’t have our own bathroom. i don’t want to advertise the fact that i have diarrhea to everyone in the house and i’m not allowed to use the bathroom fan at night, so i usually use poo-pourri or just a drop. when we got home the last time, my boyfriend got a text from his dad asking him to ask me to stop using “strong essential oils” as it was making him feel sick. i was so embarrassed and i honestly have been kind of dreading coming here again. i was talking to my mom about this and she suggested that i bring some paper matches because that’s what she used to do. i got some paper matches and they actually work pretty well. tonight i woke up from my sleep because i had diarrhea. i lit a match when i was done, ran it under water and folded it up into some aluminum before throwing it in the garbage. i fell back asleep and was woken up a while later by a big commotion. my boyfriend’s dad smelled burning and thought the house was on fire so he woke everyone up in a panic and searched the house to see what was burning. i didn’t immediately equate a match with a house fire and i didn’t smell anything when i woke up so i didn’t bring up that i had lit a match. it wasn’t even clicking for me that the match was what he smelled until my boyfriend asked me if i smelled anything when i got up earlier to use the bathroom. long story short, i just got chewed out by his dad for “lighting matches at night or lighting matches in general as a guest in their home” and even his mom was upset because i could have “started a fire” and “nobody would know”. i apologized and everyone went back to bed but then my boyfriend lectured me for like 15 mins about “embarrassing him” and “playing dumb” about not knowing what his dad smelled and not using “common sense” and then he told me to “go to sleep” and “try not to wake everyone up again”. i’m honestly so pissed. my boyfriend is sleeping soundly and i’m just laying here getting madder and madder. i want to wake him up so we can leave because i feel so uncomfortable. i really don’t want to face everyone in the morning. i don’t feel like i did anything wrong, but i don’t know if i’m thinking rationally because i’m tired and i can’t fall back asleep. what do you think, am i the asshole?

nta

nta being lectured by your bf like you were a 5yr old? i would have packed my bags and left.

nta, your boyfriend is for not defending you. you're getting sick because of his family's lack of hygiene and he and his father fussed at you for finding a way to deal with the fallout. it's not your fault that the dad is hyper sensitive to smells. it's also weird that the dad is so sensitive to smells, but not really about leaving raw meat out. don't go back to visit them any time soon, if ever, until you have a serious talk with your bf about standing up for you because i really don't think it should have been that big of a deal. also, the fact that this has been happening for a decade is nuts. edit 2: op, how often does your boyfriend lecture you?

126kbcg

aita for telling my sister that all the kids i teach who have classic or old fashioned names use a more modern nickname?

my sister asked and i told her but even before i answered i suspected she didn't want to hear what i'd have to say. my sister is expecting her first child. she's not sure if they are a boy or a girl yet but she's started compiling names. i teach elementary kids and my girlfriend teaches high school. so we are around a lot of kids, of different ages. my sister has a love for old fashioned names. names top of her list are judith, margaret, dorothy, ethel, harold, donald, albert and eugene. my sister and her husband were having some disagreements on names because he felt like the names my sister likes are too old fashioned. she argued against that. but he said he doesn't think any child would use those full names in school or with friends. she said they're beautiful and look at how many elizabeth's and charles' there are in the world who are young and only use the full name. so she decided to ask me what my experience was with kids. and i told her that in the classes i have taught, none of the kids with classic or old fashioned names go by the full older name. they all go with a more modern nickname. she was already angry but asked about my girlfriends experience with older kids (teens) and i said from what she has said it's the same. she asked what happens if we use their full name and i told her i always respect what my kids want to be called and so does my girlfriend. my sister went a little crazy on me and said just because i don't like the names doesn't mean i should discourage others from using them. i reminded her that she asked me about my experience, that i did not offer it out of nowhere. she told me my snarky little comment about modern nicknames was enough. she said i was calling my future niece or nephew's name ugly already. aita?

nta

nta, >**so she decided to ask me** what my experience was with kids. and i told her that in the classes i have taught, she asked about your experience.

nta - she asked you a question and you answered. sounds like this was a no win situation for you though.

126kqz6

aita for expecting hubby to sit with his family at school annual day of older child?

my elder child had annual day in school starting at 6.15pm. she had been preparing for this dance for many months and was very excited about the same. the seating arrangement was on first come first serve basis in the ground. we reached around 6 pm. i got down from the car to look for seat with our second child while hubby parked the car. i saw that the first few rows were reserved for children participating in the function and the rest, about 20 rows were for their families. i could only only see single empty chairs and none in pairs of threes in the front. we needed atleast two chairs together. so i went and sat where there were ample empty chairs though it was in the last few rows. by this time hubby came, i waved at him to show where we were. he made a hand motion of going to the front. i assumed he meant he was going to look for empty chairs. i nodded thinking maybe he will find some. i got busy with my second child in settling her down. when i looked up i couldnt see him. i stood up to see where he was and found sitting on one of the empty chairs that i had already seen earlier but didn't go to because we came as a family. i was furious to see his selfishness. i asked him how he wud have felt if i had been in his place and sat down anywhere without thinking about where he wud sit. he was like yeah yeah whatever but doesn't think it was a big deal. so, aita for expecting him to sit with his wife and child at a function to see our older child participate?

nta

nta. not only did he take a better seat, he left you alone with the younger child to take care of on your own. incredibly selfish.

nta you went together and this means you would sit together. not doing so is rude. he should have communicated better if he wanted to sit alone. also, the function is something you have to celebrate as a couple (you are raising that child) so it's even worse to deny you sitting together.

126ky83

aita for telling my brother "not to waste food"?

i (19f) decided to go with my mother (36m) and my brother (14m) to a local chinese restaurant near us. but when we went there and started getting our meal my brother suddenly put his utensils away and ate with his hands (reminder that my brother also didn't wash his hands, he never does...) i ask him why he didn't use the fork and knife given to us. my brother then grunted and annoyingly told my mom that i didn't let him eat, i did let him eat but just questioned why with his grubby figures that he just used to play with his friends with outside. my mother yelled at me to leave him alone and "there aren't many people here!" this was a popular restaurant, of course there were people around us. later, my brother gave back with a whole plate of rice (yes, that restaurant also had a mini buffet.) and a little bowl full of sauce. i knew he wasn't going to finish it all since he wasn't even done with his first dish and usually doesn't eat much rice. the moment i stared at him he threw a mini tantrum and told my mom to "make me not stare." how could you not look at a teenager causing a scene. turns out he took ⅔ of the rice that was left. i told him that he shouldn't take that much and to only take how much you knew you were going to eat. he threw his plate on the table and went outside with a pouty attitude. my mother yelled loudly how embarrassing i am and going at it how i could not have finish my second plate which only had one little onigiri left. i complained to her about the matter of my brother and how he shouldn't take the whole thing. my mother left for him, come to find out my brother was sitting criss-crossed on the middle of the empty street. she got so fed up with us that she ended up paying and leaving with us immediately. my family is known for doing chaotic things like these but i'm really sensitive (and petty) when it comes to wasting food due to a trauma long ago. i know that was pretty harmless yet troublesome to be in but it's still annoying and would like to share it. (sorry if my english wasn't that good in those paragraphs, it isn't my first language)

esh

esh. your mom needs to parent your brother better. your brother needs to be more rational in his responses. op, you need to stop parenting your brother.

esh you ain't his parent. stop trying to be it. that said mom should probably be doing a better job herself. brother is 14 and he's still acting like this? does he have a disability? i don't want to be too harsh because it seems like he does as he's *blatantly sitting in the middle of the street.* there's no winners here.

126kz54

aita for refusing to accept my brother's 'apology' ?

alright, this might be a bit of a long one, and this is my first time posting so bare with me. basically, my big brother and i are... frankly, not very close. we've never been, and when he was living with my mom, it wasn't the best. it changed when he left home, got a job, a house, a family and matured as a whole. fast forward to now. i'm someone struggling to find a job, and i feel miserable for it. my family is the kind to make sure that if you're not a type of way, you feel bad for it. been struggling with depression for quite some times, nothing new. thing is, i still love my family to bits, and they're not all like that. to me, when people give you a gift, it's normal to thank them / call to thank them. but not a view my big brother shares, which led to some kind of arguments because he sincerely do not care about people who've been supporting us, and that's baffling to me. it escalated quickly, and he mentionned things he knew would hurt. my lack of job, my lack of happiness, my lack of basically 'an adult' life (i am 20 years old, for more context). and with that, i blew. i told him to go screw himself, and i probably cried for an hour or so. a few hours later, he calls back, my mom warning me it would be for an apology. what i got instead was 'i'm saying it for your own good' 'we'll talk about this in person tomorrow'. which, to me, is not an apology. spoiler alert, we did not talk about it the day after, and i've been feeling bad about it since then, refusing to talk to him properly until he actually tells me he's sorry. even if our relationship isn't the best, i love my big brother, and now i'm reconsidering my stance. so, reddit, am i the asshole ?

nta

nta. you're standing up for yourself and i agree that you deserve to be treated better. some people would tell a brother like that, "i'm just not going to have much of a relationship with you if you continue to treat me like that."

nta - i think you should take a break from your brother because he sounds brutal towards you emotionally, and you keep hoping he’ll be someone that he’s not. the rest of your family won’t understand, but you need to get used to their disapproval. you can’t be a free, happy human being and meet all their expectations. you really need to find a therapist, some hobbies that build your self esteem, and to focus on small victories until you get where you want to go. you are only 20. you don’t need to have everything be perfect or figured out because you are just starting. anyone who expects perfection from you is an ah. if you aren’t hurting yourself or anyone else then as far as i’m concerned you are winning.

126l146

aita for asking my mom to stop discussing her 15-year-old divorce with her children?

over 15 years ago our (sister and i are in mid to late 30s) parents got divorced. my dad didn't want to be married anymore. but they have kept a friendly relationship over the years, my dad comes to some holidays, etc. my mom has been dating her bf for over 10 years. however, i could tell my mom was not over my dad. the comments she makes to me about the divorce and how sad she was, how she wishes she was still married, the horrible way she treats her bf, she is always nasty to him and refuses to move in with him....i just had a feeling even though she didn't directly admit it. until last week. last week during my sister's birthday dinner after a few drinks my mom suddenly said she has not gotten over nor will she ever get over our dad leaving. she said she would take her old life back in a second. she said she wants us to tell him all that when he is on his death bed. my sister and i were like wtf? she said fine tell him when i am on \*my\* deathbed. i thought this was incredibly ridiculous and dramatic and we did not need to hear this. and quite honestly i am tired of being the therapist all the time. my sister was really disturbed and uncomfortable and afterwards told me she does not want to hear anything from our mom about dad anymore. so the other day i mentioned to my mom how we were uncomfortable about her comments during the bday dinner and it isn't something we needed to hear. my mom got mad at me and said "it is just like you, always sticking up for him." wtf? i am trying to be rational with her. plus i do not think it is appropriate talking about this over and over how devastated you are about your divorce with your children, it doesn't matter if we are adults. aita for feeling this way? my mom has so much resentment towards us, you would think we divorced her, too.

nta

your mom needs therapy. i'd tell her that any time she starts down this topic and hang up the phone/leave the room immediately. make it clear to her that she requires professional help and your personal boundary is not listening to her drag you into a 15 year old divorce. nta

nta. she's putting you and sister in the middle. she's also trying to turn you into flying monkies. tell her if she's really that upset and still clinging to all this she needs therapy. professional help. trauma dumping on her kids doesn't equate to therapy. she needs prof help.

126lo89

aita for asking for my charger

i lent a colleague, who previously didn’t remember to return my charger, my iphone usb-c charger two days ago and he forgot to return it before he left. i reached out because it was my only charger. he told me he’d return it yesterday, which he didn’t. i sent him a text today and now he’s driving back to the office to drop it off for me…aita or should i just buy a new charger and forget it?

nta

nta he probably intended to keep it because its *just a charger*. a lot of people are like that. my wife’s sister does this shit all the time. it’s just a: charger, snowbrush, umbrella, towel, dish, glass etc. then acts like you’re the asshole for wanting the things you paid for back.

you were gracious to help him out. he 'forgot' to return it. then he lied about it. *he told me he’d return it yesterday, which he didn’t.* you thinking you should just buy a new one is exactly what he wants. a good thing he has to drive back especially, that'll teach him manners. nta

126m548

aita for pretending to be my daughter's friend because she's lonely?

my daughter \[14f\] does not have any friend and that's mostly due to her autism. she says that she does not understand people or what they mean when they speak so she finds it very difficult to connect with the others, she described this as "feeling like playing a game of which rules she doesn't know" she had this problem once she became in middle school and everybody left her, what she does once she becomes home is either the internet or studying. and as a single father, she really doesn't like to tell me her issues or what's going on a lot, well we have a very good relationship but i do know that she doesn't tell me everything, and i do know that she's very lonely and doesn't have any friend in real life and barely anyone online. and really nothing is working with her, she has a therapist and it's not enough, "go out of your comfort zone and talk with people" and similar tips don't work and no matter how hard i try to help it just doesn't work. so i had this idea of posing as a 14 year old girl in a game she plays a lot (fortnite) to become her friend, this was going well for 4 months even if it involved taking some of my time when i come from work to maintain this and she was very happy with this until she figured it out herself days ago and now she feels tricked and "played with" by me and that it is also a huge privacy violation because she told me some stuff she would have never said to her dad, i don't think that's true because i'm her dad so nothing is inappropriate for me. but still, she's still salty and pretty frustrated by what i did, so could i be the asshole? aita?

yta

yta. you catfished your own daughter.

"i don't think that's true because i'm her dad so nothing is inappropriate for me." including catfishing your own daughter, apparently. yta if you want to play fortnite with your daughter, just do it. you can build a relationship with daughter just by being you. as you should.

126mbqz

aita for telling my friend off?

(fake names) my long-time bff em(18f) & i(18f), who live on opposite coasts, reunited after 3 years when i visited her for her bday. she’s really the only friend i have & i love her to bits. during my visit, her buddy pj(18m) came over. em told me beforehand that she was worried we wouldnt get along, but i wasnt worried. met pj, even started to like him; he was nice & shared my love of lotr. he came over a few more times that week and we all spent most of the time snuggled up on the couch watching movies. the day i left, i was waiting for my flight when em texts me: “hey btw, whats up with you & pj? why were you being all chummy & touchy with each other? you'd only just met?” confused, i said that i thought he was nice. plus, pj is her friend; she seemed to like it when he was around. & seeing her happy makes me happy. em said she couldnt possibly understand why, & that if it were her, she’d resent the person making her friend happy, & even resent the friend for being happy around that other person. & she ended with a “but i'm glad for you, lol.” she said, “i dont want the 2 of you to be friends. i wanna be your guys’ world, not you be each others’," and admitted to not wanting me to have any friends besides her; i pointed out that was hypocrisy. em: “yea. but thats me. its different when im being robbed of love. i’m talking abt me & how i feel. feelings arent fair or cool they just are what they are, & ik im possessive & jealous.” i reassured her that she wouldnt lose me as a friend & then changed the subject to avoid arguing more. we didnt discuss it further. a month later, we're talking ab cake & she pops in with: “hey how bout we dont do that friend group thing.” i ask what friend group thing. she again says she doesnt want a group between her, pj, & i. i reminded her that i never actually said i wanted us to be a friend group, i mentioned once, that i like the idea of having one because i think itd be nice to have a handful of people who all care for & support each other. it was a seperate time that i told her if i went back to visit, we should invite pj over again because it was fun hanging out with him & em. she responds, “point is, i dont want the group. & that shouldnt be a problem for you bc im not gonna leave the house to hang out with pj while you're here. you & i will hang out, just like we used to without other people. i get that you're a fan of em, but you can have some other friend group if you really want one. cuz i like personal friendships, not just people who hang out. you cant be deep & personal with that many people at once (unless you're all on drugs lol) groups are weird for me & very draining. why cant i just not want to do things as a group & that be fine? whys it a problem that i wanna do stuff with you, not with other people?”. in the end, i told her that im not responsible for her feelings, and that her behavior was ridiculous. aita?

nta

"& ik im possessive & jealous." i mean. hard to see a brighter red flag than this. nta, em seems less than pleasant to hang around. if you want to hang out with pj don't let em stand in the way of that.

nta em is ridiculously self-centered. you're allowed to be friends with other people, even other people she's also friends with. makes sense why she's your only friend. has she discouraged you from making friends when you lived close to each other?

126mnx8

aita for overreacting?

so i (16f) have only friend (16f) that i could actually call a friend. my other friends (if i could even call them that) talk shit behind my back and ignore me when i walk with them. so this one friend was really nice to me in the start of the school year, but suddenly changed. she started to ignore me in school and talk to her other friends, but after school she would call me to go to a caffee with her. it really started bothering me since she only sits with me in english class because i have good grade from it and she does not.she calls me at night to talk about her problems and comfort her, but when i mention mine she shuts it off.she only talks to me when no one else is around her and when someone arrives she instantly leaves me and goes with them (literally). even her other friend hates me and makes fun of me. i cant tand this kind of behaviour and its hurting me a lot. i know that if i cut her i will have no one else and i will be known as lone loser. and yes i have talked about it with her and she said i am only imagining things. so i was wondering if i overreacted and was being possesive and jealous?

nta

nta. you're expressing your feelings. but i'm not certain this girl is your friend. she is hurting you so why keep her around? and look around you, school is big i'm sure you can find friends elsewhere. don't stick to people who talk shit behind your back. they will not stop or start to like you because you do. don't let them walk away on you, be the one that walks away from them for your own sanity with your head held high. i know it's hard, and you might feel alone for a bit but it gets better, believe me. this world is big and you will find people that enjoys hanging with you. hang on and don't let toxic people be around you. sending lots of love to you op

i went through a very similar thing when i was your age. i had a close friend group, and then suddenly i was being excluded from everything, had shit talked about me, and became isolated. the whole situation led to my having a massive panic attack in english class and running to the bathroom for the rest of the lesson, and i ended up going on meds.i felt like the world was ending, but i was fine. honestly, looking back, i can barely even remember any of it. it’s so insignificant to me now, hell, even a year after it happened it became insignificant. teenage girls are absolutely savage. there’s nothing wrong with being a loner, it certainly isn’t a loser thing. i spent a lot of time to myself, did my own hobbies, ate by myself in the cafeteria. it’s not a massive social rejection, it’s just normal. school is temporary, so are friends like this. maybe there’s a massive miscommunication that’s causing it all to crash (that was what happened in my situation and once we all figured it out which was after we left secondary school, there was no hard feelings) but it also could just be that they are shitty people. everyone today says that someone must be being mean for some deeper psychological reason when really, there are just nasty people out there who are nasty for no reason. your welcome to go ahead and ask that girl why she’s treating you differently, but it might not end well. just ignore then, and go on with your life. in a few years, it’ll all be insignificant and you’ll be fine, and they’ll be no one to you. but if the nastiness does get worse, report it as bullying at school. after my panic attack i did just that and the teasing i got from my old friends stopped. you’re feelings are valid, you’re gonna be fine, and you’re nta.

126mv4e

wibta for being please i am progressing to the next level of my course when a member of my family isn't?

wibta for being proud of myself for advancing into the next stage of hairdressing? ​ i (26nb), started this course in february of this year. my family member has been there since august 2022. they have worked hard for it and got pissed off at me for getting into the next level when they never got an email about it ​ i have been feeling guilty about this but i even spoke to my lecturer about it and it was all 3 of my practical lecturer's who made the choice on who progresses and who does a different level. i said i was fine with level 4 again or level 5 and they gave me level 5. my family member won't even talk to me ​ i will accept if i am the ah but it has been hurting me and i just needed to know

nta

nta - you don't hold yourself back because of the inadequacy of others.

nta. its unfortunate your relative is struggling to pass this level and its kind of you to care about their well being, but it’s ridiculous that they have chosen not to talk to you because you did better then them.

126ncuq

aita for wanting a former friend to return sentimental items made to memorialise my deceased parent or to pay me back for them. she refuses to do so because she's a ~busy mom~ and because she doesn't like me anymore.

after my dad died in late 2021, i went to stay with my now ex best friend “clara” at her place outside nyc to get away for a bit. i’m from abroad. everything was great until clara got pregnant. she’d was trying despite the fact her boyfriend told her he was not ready bc she was desperate for a baby & to have him move in. the pregnancy meant her housemate “marie” would have to move back to her hated conservative home state, which she hates. clara was desperate to be rid of marie & it was part of why she plotted the pregnancy. marie took her anger out on me behind clara’s back & told me clara would cut me off as soon as i went home now she's pregnant & that clara only tolerates me bc my family has money. i had custom artwork made to memorialise dad while there. i went to a hotel in the city for a few days. clara encouraged me to leave the artwork with her saying it would be safer. i trusted her, but then marie didn’t let me back to pack. clara did it, but did not pack the artwork despite being reminded (a lot of stuff was missing, but all i care about is the artwork). marie had threatened to destroy it. i freaked out & called clara repeatedly. she got angry at me & then started ghosting me saying she needed space. i should have respected it better tbf, but i was anxious bc marie was tweeting things i’d only ever told clara in secrecy & she'd threatened to tell clara i’d kick their pets, which is a lie. i really wanted to clear it up. that was a year ago. clara refused to ever talk to me properly again & still hasn’t returned my artwork despite repeated requests & being paid postage. she's ignored paypal invoices requesting to be paid back the value of the postage money & artwork. clara has responded just twice in the last year – she promised to send the artwork back but didn’t do it. she claims she is busy & i’m demanding. but she knows it's making my grief worse, and she has all the time in the world to socialise & even spend a gift card i gave her in december 2021. clara seems to be a shit friend – marie recently tweeted clara has been ignoring her & didn’t bother to reach out to her after she had major surgery. i gave clara $3000 to help her with rent after she told me her marie was not paying & would get her evicted but it turned out clara lied about that. for months i managed not to hate clara, but i’m so upset at this point that my requests end in me calling her a b\*\*\*\* & that i hope when her beloved grandmother dies, someone treats her with the cruelty she showed me. an ex mutual friend told me “she has a baby, get over it”, but i don’t feel like i’m being unreasonable in asking clara to return the artwork. she doesn’t have to be my friend, but it’s not fair to keep my stuff. aita for wanting the artwork returned to me even though she’s a ✨mother ✨? i understand being pregnant/a parent is hard, but it was clara’s choice & all i’m asking for is one brief trip to the post office she was paid to make. the artwork is worth over $1000.

nta

take her to small claims court. you're nta, she is and she probably already sold that painting.

nta. both of those girls sound horrible. they probably destroyed it or don't have it anymore. it's possible marie took it. maybe try to get a lawyer to send them an official letter. why did you even leave the country without it?

126nvcy

aita for overthinking and not ringing?

hello, court of reddit. i'd like your help deciding aita. there's a few moving parts to this story so i'll try to keep it as brief and readable as possible. for the best part of a year or so i've been giving a co-worker lifts too and from work. they paid me for this, not really enough but i didn't mind, i was happy with the agreement thinking i would was being helpful. day one of the question begins with said co-worker asking me for a lift home, which i agreed too originally. however plans changed on me and i had to pick up the wife and baby instead. i only have a small car and quite a large babyseat with a leg on so this would leave no room, not even behind me as the driver because im so tall. i explained as such to said co-worker. this was declined immediately, saying he would fit regardless. happy enough to try, we conceded with our day until dinner time. dinner time comes and he starts getting a little more upset, telling me i'm just being awkward about things and that i should just be a man and say if i didn't want to take him. i tried explaining and even offered to show him that this wouldn't work, but to no avail, the rest of the day was an awkward silence. i should also mention that earlier in the same morning i'd let them know i couldn't take them home the next day due to an appointment after work. cut to this days finish and i get chased down the car park asking for the lift. i reminded them of the appointment, thinking no more of it. this brings us to day three, where i waited outside the house as normal. 8 or 9 minutes passed by with no movement or lightswitching off that usually happens - this is the aita bit. so i drove to work reasoning he had sorted a lift with the person who took him home the day before. as i get around the next corner, missed phone call, so i spin back around. when they are in the car, suddenly i'm inundated with all manner of threats i can't explain without rule breaking in this sub, told how i'm just being awkward and a c word - not being able to get a word in to defend myself either, when i tried, instantly dismissed. this has left me with such anxiety, that i've actually changed jobs out of fear for my safety. one thing they mentioned was that i should have rang when i was outside instead of assuming, which i probably should have. but i'd like to hear your thoughts and see how i could have handled things differently. so reddit, aita? edited to make this easier to read.

nta

nta. i'd have dumped him at the side of the road without skipping a beat. threaten me in my car while i'm doing you a favour? i don't bloody think so!

nta as someone who has learned the hard way many times, charge people proper amount for stuff like this. either make it a gift, or get paid. you are going to have a miserable time at work because of this person. they obviously never appreciated getting a cheap ride to and from work to begin with, or they wouldn’t behave like this now.

126o20s

wibta for thinking it’s a weird thing for my landlord to ask me to take care of his kids?

i (25f) live in a large city and stay in a family’s basement for over $1300 a month. they have been nice but we don’t really talk at all which is fine with me. i moved in around feb and i mostly keep to myself and just go to work. my landlord (50s m) told me they would be leaving to go out of the country because his parent was in critical condition. he took his entire family with him which is his wife and kids. they asked me to look out for packages and stuff while they’re gone which is not a big deal so i said okay and to have a safe flight etc. a week later (today) he texts me and says his kids would be coming back but not him about a week from now. he asked me to take his kids to school until he gets back. i don’t know when exactly that is. the reason i think i might be the asshole is because i think it’s an insane request to ask a tenant that just lives here and i don’t know if they have any other family here. but i also know we live in a high cost of living area and this house is probably worth more than i could ever afford so i don’t see why it’s my responsibility to take care of my landlords children, he could probably pay for a ride share service or something else. for reference the kids are at least 17 i believe. my mom says i’m an asshole for not being helpful and that it’s selfish. i have a job that i can work from home and maybe have time to take them (i start about an hour after i would take them to school). i haven’t called him about it yet because i feel bad but like i said i have a full time job and live in a big city. if i want to go into the office or am required to for anything (i had already made plans to go into the office next week for something i have to do for example) i don’t have time to take them because it takes over an hour to get there. i genuinely think it’s an insane thing to ask a random tenant to do without consideration of my job or my life, he just said “i won’t be coming back and i need you to take my kids to school for an undisclosed amount of time.” granted i have not called him yet to hear more and the circumstances are out of his control so i don’t know if i am the asshole and should take his kids to school.

nta

nta. weird and totally inappropriate and i wonder if he'd have made this ridiculous request if you were 25m. i would just say no, but if you are inclined to do this for him, don't do it for free. calculate a daily rate for this service that you are happy with then add a decent additional amount on for the last minute nature of the request and make him agree *in writing* that it will come off your next month's rent *before* you lift a finger.

nta. that’s definitely a ridiculous request. you’re not a house sitter or nanny. you are paying them for housing, they are not paying you for childcare. looking out for packages is one thing but being responsible for someone’s children? that’s a huge responsibility and not something a landlord should ask of a tenant at all honestly but especially without offering compensation. he should have called you to ask and offered compensation in return for you taking his kids to and from school. sending a text basically just telling you that this is happening is super weird. it’s tricky since you live there and you definitely don’t want to get on the family’s bad side, but you are 100% ok to refuse this request and to think it’s a crazy thing to ask!

126o28z

aita for judging my friend?

me, (19m) and my comrade (21m) have been friends for about a year. cuz we are somewhat close friends according to him, he wants to move in with me and eith his fiance. that's where problem number one starts. only me and his fiance are working. he himself csnt work because of "social anxiety". im not saying that social anxiety isnt a problem, i have it too and im also majorly depressed, but he really uses it as an excuse. i asked him if he could at least look if jobs are available right now but he still said "nope can't do that. i have social anxiety" anything that i ask him to do he talks back. i cant even help him with anything cuz he always does that and puts me down and makes me feel dumb. the second problem is his room. he has 4 bunnies. in my eyes, they arent getting enough care and freedom. its those crappy plastic cages and the only thing in there is a food bowl, water and one broken cardboard box. and because he doesnt seem to have money (suprise suprise cuz mf is jobless) he doesnt seem to be able to care for them correctly. wich also attracts so many flies. his whole ceiling is full of them. i tried to help him clean his room but he said hes gonna do it alone but the fact that i mentioned the flies he feels attacked cuz he is insecure about it but wont accept any help. its not a big room. half of it is covered with clothes to the point that it covers his window. and whenever i come over he "cleans" his room by throwing more clothes that are in the way of the entrance and his bed onto his pile of clothes, wich probably hasnt been washed in a long time. third problem is his attachment. i dont know if his fiance has a problem with it or not, but i do. he gets worried immeadieatly and spams me until i respond to calm him down. one time his fiances phone died and he had to stay late for work suddenly and didnt tell him. mothafucker was shitting his pants from worrying. i told him everything is gonna be fine but no, he talks back. another scenario is when he feels like shit and im at work, i usually respond in my 5 min breaks or in my lunch breaks. whenever i leave after said break he again, spams me full. the times i told him i can only text in my breaks is uncountable. and then is his jealousy towards me, or to the people that i talk to. if i get along really well with anyone else that isn't him, hes getting jealous and asks why im not spending time with him and he doesnt want me to become better friends with that person than with him. im so close to cutting contact but my people pleaser ass would cry. if the dude im talking about reads this, im sorry you had to find out this way but i know you are gonna feel attacked and its gonna end in a huge argument. aita?

nta

your friend has mental health issues that you are not equipped to address. his issues are waaaay above reddit’s paygrade. you are nta for cutting yourself off from him if you need to protect your own mental health. if you choose to stay in his life absolutely do not move in together or become financially involved with him in any way.

nta; i wouldn't live with him for any *one* of the five or so reasons you've given. (and he's found somebody who wants to *marry* him?)

126ohyz

aita for telling my roommate i don’t like his new friend???

i 21f live with my friend alvin 21m. we’ve been friends since middle school and had always planned on living together. it was all going well until alvin became single and started looking to hook up more. i encouraged this because we are both very open about our s3x lives. well one night he started talking about this guy who would come into his work and get super flustered around him, we both agreed it was cute and alvin should try talking to him. the next day alvin came home and told me his name (michael) and how they were gunna go drinking that night. it quickly became a regular thing they would go drinking get plastered then come home. i told alvin before we moved in i didn’t want anyone in the house without me knowing due too trauma i have but now every time i come home from the third shift job michael is here. i’ve tried hanging out with michael thinking maybe he could join the friend group but all he does is whine, complain, and scream. me and alvin can’t get coffee every morning now because michael is here and always throws a fit about not knowing what to drink and how he hates coffee like a toddler. going to bars is also off the table because they just sit there and make out while i sit there. michael get really angry about little things and it’s very scary. well, last night alvin and michael brought home food for dinner and the restaurant messed up michaels order. he starts screaming about how stupid you have to be to mess it up and how he wasted his money on bullshit. i left the living room and went to my bedroom because i get very uncomfortable around screaming men due to trauma which alvin knows this. ten minutes later alvin comes in my room and asks what’s wrong so i told him michael makes me uncomfortable when he acts like this. alvin just brushed it off and said it’s because he’s not used to having friends and he’s still learning. michael is a 24m who drinks every night and is aggressive i told alvin. alvin left the room and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night but left me a text in the morning saying i made michael feel bad and i should say sorry. i said absolutely and left it at that. so am i the asshole for wanting alvin to drop michael because he aggressive and drunk every night?

nta

nta. you didn’t even say anything to michael; alvin hurt his feelings by telling him why you left. you are entitled to peace in your home. full stop, no caveats. you need to pencil in a dinner with alvin to let him know your boundaries on the hours and terms of visitors, romantic or otherwise.

nta. you and alvin have a long history and are close friends. he should be more sensitive and understanding and he should abide by the agreements you 2 made in advance. you might, however, lose a friend here and since you live together it could be difficult, but i 100% support you and believe you are in the right here. i’m really sorry you’re going through this. no one should feel unsafe especially in their own home/space. you should allow for alvin to see michael but not in your shared space.

126omhh

aita- 21st birthday edition

on monday i planned on celebrating my 21st birthday a important birthday in my opinion and i wanted my “bestfriend” let’s call her emma there. i told emma two weeks ago the date and time of my birthday party (it was a pickle ball place with dinner very lowkey and not a huge get drunk party) which landed on a monday at 7 pm, she replied she would be there. i then checked in again with her 4 days before and she said she couldn’t wait. the day of my birthday comes around and i’m having a great day except for one of my guy friends stood me up at our celebration lunch and i told her how that really hurt my feelings and she called him an asshole. all day me and emma talked about my party and how excited we were she said she couldn’t wait and then a hour before my party she send me a long paragraph about how stressed out she is with school and how she didn’t understand why i couldn’t celebrate my birthday another day since mondays are hard for her. i explained to her that she knew it was on a monday and i would like her to be there for a least an hour and then she can go back to studying because she said she would be there. she continued to argue with me saying that she actually has shit to do and her schoolwork is important. i told her again that that was disappointing and she said she would not be coming and she wish i was more understanding. i am frustrated because she knew she had schoolwork and decided to wait till the last minute when she knew she made prior commitments to my birthday, and then decided to tell me that her school is a lot harder than mine. she doesn’t even work while in school and i am holding 3 jobs while also taking 5 classes so i was pretty upset when she compared us. yesterday i apologized for pushing her and not being understanding thinking we could just move on because i don’t think it’s worth arguing or staying mad about and she called me a toddler and child for not understanding how her mental health is and how hard her school is . i was super offended and i don’t know what to do? was i wrong for being mad she wouldn’t come to my birthday when she is supposed to be my “bestfriend”?

nta

what are you supposed to do? respect her schedule and that she has a stressful life. poor dear. give her some space. and while you are doing that-look for a new “best friend”. somebody that really *is* happy to spend time for you. nta

i’d be pissed if someone rsvpd weeks ago, then confirmed a few days ago, and then sudden changed to nah not coming like an hour beforehand. i struggle with my mental health and i worked jobs while taking full time college courses. i get stress and mental health. but a commitment is a commitment. she could have at least been apologetic. nta

126oxl8

aita for going into the office?

in light of the way things have been in the world for the last 3 years, my company has been much more lenient with hybrid/remote work. some positions are even allowed to be fully remote if they wish. however, in order to incentivize more folks to come into the office, there is an additional 10% pay differential (on top of your base pay each pay period) for folks that choose to come in atleast 3 days a week. i’ve been working this hybrid style arrangement for over a year now. that extra differential nets me nearly $900 extra per month which in these times of inflation, i’ll take whatever i can get. plus i’ve established a great working relationship with the folks whose projects i support and upper management. the office environment is also pretty laid back as well. recently, i was moved to a new group in my department (but i still support the same projects). everyone on my new team chose to go fully remote, since it’s now allowed for this particular job function. most of them cited it was because they didn’t want to commute and can be just as productive at home. which imo, if that’s what works best for you, do it. i however chose to stick with my current work arrangement because it’s what’s been working for me. i also personally find the mix in work environment during the week to be good for my sanity. plus it’s not like it would have any impact on the way our team works, since everyone is working from a different place anyway. here’s where the issue lies: my group was under the assumption that i would be switching my work schedule to be fully remote as well (i never gave any indication that i would switch). a few people have been pressuring me to switch to fully remote and think i’m ta for refusing to do so. they think by coming into the office regularly, i’m “making them look bad” and they feel me coming in going to set an expectation among upper management to make them come in more often. someone also pointed out that it was “unfair” that i was getting paid more than folks with the same title/work load. i spoke with a few friends and they’re split on this. i personally don’t think i’m ta because we can literally choose our own working arrangements and i don’t think i should have to switch just because someone doesn’t like the choice i made. but idk, reddit. aitia here?

nta

nta. this is a classic case of “don’t hate the player, hate the game”. as long as this isn’t affecting your work quality at all, it shouldn’t matter whether you choose to do your work at home in bed in your pjs or in the office.

nta. this is a company policy your bosses created. it's not something you made, and it's an option that works best for you. your co-workers are jealous that you get the benefits, but don't want to put in the actual effort of coming in to work to get the same money. it's open to all of them as well.

126p1xi

aita for telling my lab partner to stop making weird jokes about his size me(20f) him(21m)

i'm on my last prereq in uni for my major and we have a lot of labs to complete my professor paired us in groups of two for the most part me and him do independent work and combine our research because i suggested that, i told him he slows me down because he wants to goof around way too much and i want to do it right the first time so we don't have to redo it but in reality, i just thought he was strange and would prefer my sanity over him being all under me. after i suggested this a couple of days later he told me i intimidate him and he gets nervous around me. i read nothing into this i brushed it off because i felt like i was already being so nice to him he's just soo used to everyone loving him that when someone doesn't they intimidate him i felt like he was being an absolute brat! (sn everyone likes him but he only acts strange around me !!) after that encounter every day for the past 3 months i see this guy who tells me every single day multiple times a day his package is small. i told him once that's a real knee slapper right there i sounded soo sarcastic while rolling my eyes and he laughed his ass off and i stood there looking so unpleased and ended up walking off this month he spiced it up a bit he gave himself a nickname. he nicknamed himself shrimpy and he would now announce himself before he walks into the room "shrimpy here "... that's just soo strange to me i told him nothing i don't laugh at his stale package jokes they annoy me they never once made me giggle yesterday i made a post asking some guys why men make jokes about their size soo frequently. this post enabled me i ended up confronting him and he finally took me seriously i told him his jokes aren't funny it's perverted he annoys me and i dislike him as a person he ended up scratching his head the only word he said was then walked off i stunned him with what i said he ended up leaving early and left me with all the work to do i got even more annoyed because i felt like he was acting inconsiderate so i put in a request for a new lab partner i didn't notify him at all but today came up to me and he apologized he said he wasn't trying to make me unconformable his jokes weren't meant to seem like he was trying to get in my paint his reasoning was because he likes me and has never genuinely liked someone like he like me before so he doesn't know how to approach a decent girl? so i asked him why do you like me he described me so well but all i said was oh and walked off. i walked off not because he's not attractive honestly hes way too attractive to act the way he does all the girls fondle him but the way he acts i think he's dumb and self-centered so i just rather not does that make me an asshole? tldr: lab partner makes weird jokes about being small confronted him and he says he likes me

nta

"i like this girl so i'm going to joke constantly with her about my small penis." what?? i am having such a hard time wrapping my head around this dude's thought process. nta. his jokes were unprofessional and also bizarre behavior for someone who has a crush on you. steer clear of this guy.

firstly, you're in uni & i had trouble finding the endings to your sentences. secondly, you lasted way longer than i would have & i would have reported him for sexual harassment after talking about his junk on the regular. guy sounds immature & needs to learn what it's like to be an adult before he gets reported to hr in whatever place he works & subsequently fired for it. just because someone is good looking doesn't give them a pass on this behavior. nta

126p4gy

aita for not greeting a woman when getting on an elevator?

i (m23) went to an elevator with another woman, just minded my own business (i'm shy and i don't like talking to people unless they talk to me or i really need something), then when she got off she said "you should learn some proper manners and greet others, goodbye" (mind you, she didn't greet me either), so i just faintly responded with a weak "goodbye" and went on. now i feel like i shouldn't have stayed quiet but i am a really quiet person. aita?

nta

nta, if she is talking about learning ‘proper manners’ she could‘ve just said hello first…

nta. pretty sure i've ridden a thousand elevators, maybe more. i don't greet others when i get on, others don't greet me when they get on. it's just not done!

126p85q

wibta if i told my best friend that she is being toxic af?

my best friends (24f) and i (23f) have been best friends for almost 8 years now. she is like my sister. she lost her mom 5 years ago. it's just her and her dad now. i have always been there for her and so has she. we have been inseparable since high school. we went to the same college too. we are done with our undergrad so we don't meet daily but we hang out at least once a week. i visit her and spend a night at hers. few days ago, i got sick and couldn't go anywhere. i switched my phone off rested at home. i started to get better yesterday so i texted her i would be coming to hers today, but then went to meet some other friends yesterday because i had to go receive something they had brought for me. she called me at the same time and i told her i was not home and i would call her once i got home. so i got home and called her. she didn't pick up. i called her again in the morning and she started complaining saying i visited other friends but not her. she said she needed me and she was patiently waiting for me but i chose to hang out with other friends instead. i tried explaining but things got worse when she said i was being defensive when i should have just said sorry. she cried and sent me long messages saying how i hurt her and stuff. the thing is this is not the first time this has happened. this is probably the 3rd time. and another friend of ours cut her off due to the same reason but she keeps playing victim every time. and i also feel like it's draining. i like my alone time too but she thinks if we don't meet regularly or talk then i am being a shitty friend. i have my own shit to deal with. so would i be the asshole if i told her that she is being extremely toxic? for the record, i am her only close friend left now. she thinks i will ''betray'' her like others did. edit 2: i even apologized to her for the sake of our friendship but she says she is really hurt and it's not okay. and she was all "i will walk away if this goes ugly like this. my friends always seem to betray me". i am not even paraphrasing.

nta

time to slowly separate if she’s always the victim.. nta for voting purposes

nta. time to move forward from the young emotional friendship into a healthy adult relationship. if she cannot do that, this friendship will soon meet its end.

126pgl4

aita for demanding some of my late fil's cooking supplies.

my fil died very unexpectedly 3 weeks ago, everyone was devastated. now that the funeral is over my mil has been going through his things. my fil loved to cook it was his favorite thing to do. he got himself a ton of nice pots/pans/cutting board all different types of kitchen gadgets you get the point. i also love cooking so i thought that some of that stuff would be the perfect thing to have in our home to remember him by. mil was over dropping off fil's golf clubs for my husband so i asked about the the cooking supplies. she said she gave all the fancy stuff to sil since she just moved into her new condo and cooking was her and her dads thing. they would cook together and go to cooking classes together. i get that but i asked mil if i could also get some of it to have in our home and cook with to remember fil by. she said said but she has already given it to her. i reminded her that we had a fairly new home too we were trying to furnish and it was unfair for her to get everything it should have been split evenly or we could have all gone though it together and split it up. she once again said sorry she already gave it too her and reminded me about an event that happened a few years ago. here where i may be the asshole after sil moved home from college she has a ton of apt and kitchen stuff from her apt at school. when my husband and i moved into our first apt we took almost all of it. then i had my bridal shower a few months later. i got a bunch of new stuff and threw out all of sil's old stuff. it was years old at that point so i didn't think she would want it back. when her and her bf moved into their first apt she was pissed that she had to buy all new things and it was a big deal in the family. we gave them a very nice housewarming gift. but this has nothing to do with that. those were plates and dishes this is pro chef equipment that belonged to fil. we were close to fil too and would like to have something to remember him by she isn't even the one who host holiday's in the family. wouldn't it be nice to know i prepared christmas dinner with fil's supplies. i sent sil a text saying so and she never replied but my husband told me while he thinks it should have been split 50/50 he just wants me to drop it.

yta

yta - why do you think you’re entitled to his belongings over his daughter?

yta. let mil, sil and your husband divide their husband and father's stuff how and when they see fit. you don't have any claim to it. it's fine asking for something for sentimental reasons, but you're not owed anything. mil's reasoning makes perfect sense to me here, so yta for pushing it. also, i'm assuming mil still lived in their shared home? how much stuff are we really talking about? also incredibly rude of you not to ask sil whether or not she wanted her college stuff before you threw it out. you seem to have lots of entitlement towards other people's stuff.

126ph06

aita for not calling out my friends bad jokes targeting my gf?

basically i (19m) have a friend (19m) he has never had meaningful interaction with women past his family. like never had a female friend. so he sometimes harbours mildly misogenistic not views but misconceptions on how women behave. i feel like this is because his view of women has been built by watching shows like the big bang theory. he doesnt think men are better then women he just doesnt understand how similiar we r. im in a 4yr relationship and he has made some jokes that are questionable. he did this infront of my gf(19f) which bothered her a lot. he would say that my girlfriend wears the pants in the relationship multiple times jokingly and said he wanted to get me some poster but said he didnt cuz she would disprove also jokingly. stuff like that. and he also once told her "damn you are like genuinelly funny like ur guy funny." this rly bothered her and she ignored it cuz she didnt want to make a fuss and like put me on the spot. after the last time he made the pants joke she pushed me to essentially tell him its not okay. i have an issue w confronting people so i was hesitant also cuz i felt like the joke was targeted at me not her. i think that he meant no ill will. she was bothered because she felt like he was implying shes. controlling. so my gf and i had a fight after it because i would say id think about it but would never follow up plus would just keep moving the deadline of the final verdict this was going on for 2 days or so i think. she offered to write the message herself which i declined but later accepted then again declined because in my eyes it was too hursh as she tends to be more argumentative and confrontational. the argument ended in herself just sending the message. he gave a half assed apology. the situation worsened after he gave one additional comment. this came as the 2 of them made peace and were chatting about how they will meat up in our home town w some other mutual friends. he basically said "if u wanna go out w other ppl let me know". she interpreted it as saying that she needed him to meet up w her mutual friends. i interpreted this as if u wanna see me when i hang w our mutual friends let me know. anyway because of some other lack of communication by the end i ended up talking to him and explaining my stance pretty much like here. he was like the jokes i can get why they are bad but the final comment is bs and im not sorry. he said that he is willing to do whatever is neccessery to fix the situation tho cuz he does not want this to escolate i told him all is good w him and me. so i continued to hang w him like ususal but my partner was bothered. she said she didnt want us to stop being friends she just couldnt see how i can just act like nothing happened. also after his jokes she started telling common friends about what happenned but she was bending the truth by saying he out right called her controlling. so anyway who tf is the asshole?

yta

yta. it upset your girlfriend, and you did nothing. your friend is misogynistic. > i should be there for my partner, i was not that says it all. how would she be the ah in this situation?

> so he sometimes harbours mildly misogenistic not views but misconceptions on how women behave. these "misconceptions" are his views. he's a misogynist. yta.

126pj8o

aita for not noticing my girlfriend struggling with the conversation?

i have high functioning autism and i struggle with conversations but i thought i did alright tonight. me and my girlfriend were sat on the sofa as our usual nights go and our roommate brought her mum and her friend over for dinner. we were all sat in the same room, my girlfriend and i on the sofa and the others at a table next to us. i thought everything was going well, they would talk to me every now and then, i shared some of my own stories and asked them questions too. for a bit my roommates friend just discussed some stuff with just me. mostly what school during covid was like for me, films i like etc. my girlfriend said barely anything through the whole night but she rarely talks to other people as she finds it incredibly difficult. at the end of the night, my girlfriend pushed me off her and wouldn’t let me touch her, which usually means she is upset at me. she told me i talked too much, brought up useless anecdotes and took up all the space in the conversation, leaving no room for her to speak. she said she was really upset at me and that i don’t struggle with conversations so i have no excuse for not noticing her. she told me she tried talking during it but i carried on talking over her. i honestly did not notice that and have promised to try and include her more or just shut up when she says anything but she is not talking to me anymore. i have high functioning autism which means i sometimes miss things in conversations and struggle to keep up with what is going on, but i think i replied well this time and usually people don’t even notice i’m autistic. she tells me that because of this, we are incompatible and that i never stop talking, and am never aware of what is going on outside of the conversation. aita for talking too much and taking up all the space in the conversation?

nta

nta- you weren’t doing it intentionally or maliciously. sometimes we’re just not as aware as we’d like to be in social settings and asd can definitely contribute to that. i think a simple apology to your gf could be warranted since we should still be accountable for mistakes done unintentionally, but talking too much is not a crime and you didn’t target anyone so i don’t think you’re an asshole at all

nta, because if you're really into a subject it can get easy to get carried away, especially if you're passionate about it. if she knows how you struggle sometimes, she should have nudged you a little if she had something to say. hopefully she begins talking to you again soon!

126pjtg

wibta for "abandoning" my friend?

hello everyone, this may be a bit ranty but i have to ask. so some backstory: i (male 23) live with my friend dick (male 23). we have known each other since we were 12 and moved in together when i left my abusive family at 19. we have lived together since then. well we live in a house owned by dick's dad, i say house but really it's a mobile home that is held together with prayers and duct tape. we don't pay rent and only cover the bills+taxes which isn't bad and is not the reason for this post. anyways on to the situation: i recently got a new job working 8 hours a day in a manufacturing plant (a small) but for the past few months me and dick have been getting into arguments on a regular basis. from him bitching about me "not doing anything" (despite doing pretty much everything) and "not taking pride in what i have," and the like. anymore he refuses to get a better job than he has now. he barely makes enough to cover his half of bills and food, doesn't remember his own schedule, doesn't cook, and doesn't even know how to fill out paperwork on his own. every time i try to broach these topics with him he reflects by going "well you do..." or "well you don't..." and it is frankly getting on my nerves. but the boiling point came when he demanded i pay 75% of the bills as well as the entire internet and phone bills because he "doesn't make enough." i am so tired of living in a shitty single-wide trailer that has holes in the walls and floor, no a/c or heat aside from space heaters and window units, half the power plugs don't work, half the lights don't work and a roommate that barely helps at all. so i have to ask.. would i be the asshole if i move out and "abandon" my friend despite knowing that if i do he will end up homeless most likely as he won't be able to pay the bills? edit to add: i see a lot of folks saying to move out and make plans. truth is i have made plans, i just need to let a few more pieces fall into place. so here are the reasons i haven't left yet: 1) i got my truck from dick's dad and still owe him money, though the truck is in my name and thus is legally mine i never actually paid dick's dad for it. 2) dick has... i guess you would say... gaslit me into believing i wouldn't do well on my own by saying things like: "yeah you know neither of us would make it on our own" and other such things. 3) my truck and my moped (both my forms of transportation) are currently broken down and thus i am unable to get around without help.

nta

nta you're in the process of growing up and becoming a real adult who no longer is content living in a sh$thole. your friend is still content to live like a kid . he may have been your friend for a decade, but the truth is you're outgrowing him. if he isn't willing to grow up, leave him behind, or you'll find yourself being the 'adult' paying for the 'kid' for years.

nta. take care of you. he takes care of him.

126pl6k

aita for having trash in my bedroom?

i am a twin and had a difficult childhood due to my sister's emotional struggles. she was often prioritized and my needs were put to the side. i turned to books and writing to escape from the constant temper tantrums and screaming at home. they were my biggest source of comfort. however, my mother would often destroy my room and take away my books and journals as punishment for my bedroom not meeting her cleanliness standards. she would also force me to keep things i didn't want and that contributed to her finding my room messy as i didn’t have enough storage to put things away in. because of this i hated my mother from a very young age because she would support my sister but she would take away the only things that gave me comfort. she would also yell at me and ground me from my books if i brought food to lunch like an orange or crackers, didn’t eat it, and brought it back home to eat another time. at the same time though she would say that i was unhealthy for wanting to eat crackers and a granola bar during the same meal. this lead to me being very confused about what was okay to eat, because it didn’t make any sense that she would be angry at me for eating processed food but she would also get angry at me for not eating it. recently, my mother accused me of stealing her iphone cord, and despite my denials and explanations that i couldn’t use her cord, she destroyed my room and found nothing. when i got home she called me a pathological liar and thief after asking me if i had mugs, tupperware and her cord, i said no, forgetting that i had the mugs and tupperware. my father then yelled at me very close to my face and accused me of stealing from them. when i went upstairs to my room, i found that my clothes had been pulled out of drawers and mixed with a bag of trash that i had as a way to get rid of food items without getting in trouble, and their tupperware and mugs were also in the pile. my father said that until i cleaned up the mess, i couldn't use my devices for school, and my mother said that she wanted to go through any trash that left my room in case it had things that she wanted. for context, when i was cleaning up the mess, i put an empty tube neosborin from 1996 in the trash pile, and my mother found it when digging through the things that i wanted to get rid of and she accused me of being wasteful. she also said that i was dirty and disgusting and disrespectful to their home because i had a trash bag full of trash. she said that my sister clearly doesn’t have any issues getting rid of things, and that i am making it up. i told her that she treats us very differently. she said that i was deflecting onto my sister and not taking ownership for the issue. i explained that it was difficult to get rid of things when she was home, and that was why i had a trash bag, but she denied making it difficult for me. aita for having trash in my room?

nta

hon, your parents are abusive. nothing about this is your fault. i am so, so sorry. if you have a school counselor you can talk to, or an extended family member you trust that you could confide in about this situation, i would strongly suggest you do so. nta

a lot of issues being brought up here but to answer your question, you are nta for having trash in your room. the only ah it sounds like is your parents, specifically your mom.

126pp1m

aita for saying i won’t join back in the friend group unless they kick someone out?

for context we were playing rainbow six siege and we were playing for a bit and i noticed my friend started hit some lucky headshots and and practically no recoil on most guns so after the match i said “bro you have to be using a zen, there’s no way you can be top fragging all of a sudden and hit headshot with no recoil.” and he responded with “bro there’s no way you think i’m using a zen, if u think i’m using a zen, just means i’ve been getting better” but i was saying the first part as a joke and i guess he didn’t hear that so when he said that, that pissed me off so we got into a argument and we both started saying stuff that i don’t remember but i do know that my friend was saying some stuff that was getting annoying but my other friend told us to stop so he did but i didn’t, and i said something that was messed up but i don’t really care, for context, my friend got played by his friends since his friends made him think that this girl he had a crush on wanted to go on a date with him but they had her in on the prank, so when he confessed to her, she said stuff that it was all a joke and no one will ever like him and his “friends” made fun of him for him thinking she liked him. now with that context out of the way i said, “ you know what, i’m glad your friends played you, you deserved that” and he went silent and said “ i hope your gf breaks up with you, i hope tomorrow at school when you go talk to her, she dumps you right then and there you dick” and that set me off so i left the group, messaged them saying if they wanted me back, they would have to kick him or i won’t play with y’all.

yta

yta for making false accusations and throwing a tantrum.

this is so childish. you need to learn how to be less sensitive and how to have simple arguments with people without blowing up friendships. also, you clearly started the fight. you insulted him by basically saying he was cheating. his reaction was appropriate. if your friends are smart, they will call your bluff. yta.

126ppay

aita for not showing my classwork to my friend?

i'm a student of grade 10 in a girls' school. my friend who sits right behind me always copies word to word of my writings in every exam. she never tries to write something on her own. that's why i sit in a way so that she can see my exam copy properly during exams. she almost never takes notes or writes down any classwork our teacher gives us. this has been going on since grade 6. last year back in 9th grade our english teacher gave us a classwork of writing down an essay. we had to get it checked by the teacher during the class hour by going to her desk in front of the class. i completed my essay before everyone and got it checked by the teacher. when i came back to my seat, my friend asked me to let her copy my classwork. i looked at her notebook and saw that she only wrote the title of the essay and the date of the classwork. let me be clear about this, we have a very big board exam coming next year and we start to prepare for it from grade 9. anyways, so i told her that she should try to write down the essay on her own and stop depending on me. i won't be there for her always. she should try to figure stuff out on her own. it's a classwork and it's a great opportunity for her to try doing things on her own. i was genuinely worried about her as she won't be able to copy my writings during the board exam. i cared for her and wanted her to be able to do things on her own. after the class was over, she looked at me and said, "i knew you were selfish like this. i'm surprised that i call you my friend". it took me a while to understand what she meant but after that, i was surprised and hurt. how could she say this? she was able to be in 9th grade because of me and because i showed her every word during exams or else she would've failed every classes. but then again i felt bad and guilty for not showing her my classwork. i tried apologizing to her but she would act like she wasn't able to hear me. as if i was invisible. since then, she stopped talking to me and joined the 'cool girls' group of our class. the ice broke this year but she had her own group now and would still rudely answer my questions or act like i was a lowlife (her group is popular for looking down on others and acting like they're the best). even after all of this i she still copies my writings and me being me, i show her every word as well. because i feel guilty. i feet bad. and i feet pity on her. i know this incident might not seem serious and all but i felt guilt and remorse ever since it happened. i never meant any harm. all i wanted was for her to be able to do things on her own so that she can sit for the board exam without any worry. i wanted the best for her. should i've been quiet about everything and let her copy everything from me? was i being a bad friend?

nta

nta. your "friend" isn't your friend. she's using you, and the minute you were no longer helpful, she snubbed you. high school is like a fish bowl. you are forced to hang out, people you most likely will never talk to again. i didn't meet my best friend until i was working and going to college. focus on yourself, and stop letting her cheat. she's only hurting herself. it's not your responsibility to get her through school.

nta. you are not a bad friend to this girl because she's not your friend. ask to be moved away from her and let her fail. she had no problem using you to get by but when you suggested she do her own work, she called you selfish and is rude to you.

126puc9

aita for saying no to buying a house?

aita? or am i being logical me (f22) and my boyfriend (m20) are trying to move out in the upcoming months. we are steadily having an argument about which is better. i have a child who is 2, he is not the father but has been in his life since he was 6 months. i believe renting is easier for my situation and would help ease my mind that we are actually capable living with each other. i have moved out before my son was born, it was a terrible experience. because i could not live with his father after a while, he was gross, abusive and all the other stuff. i just want to make sure we could handle a monthly payment rather than making a 30 year commitment to someone i’ve only been with for two years. his reasoning for buying a house is that it is a waste of money to rent. it’s all money going down the drain and he believes it is “a stupid idea, i want a house”. at first he didn’t think it was stupid until his mom said he would have enough to by a house by himself. i agree that renting can be a waste of money, but it insures that you can do it right. i have a kid so it weighs heavy if i “f” up. am i the a-hole because i’m not trusting him?am i the a-hole because i’m not able able to convey to him my point? or should i let him move out, become a roommate and go from there? i understand the wasting money trust me, but for me it’s not about the money.

nta

tif i'm reading this correctly, y'all have never lived together? nta, and do not buy a house with this guy. if he wants to buy a house have you there as a tenant, that's fine. but you are thinking very smartly here about the potential need for an escape plan if this goes south. fwiw my advice would be the same even if there was no kid involved, but your son makes it even more important that your living situation is not tightly bound up with your boyfriend.

nta it's completely insane to buy a house with someone that has no legal commitment to your relationship. renting is not a waste of money especially when you are in a precarious position.

126q4hy

aita for being offended that my girlfriend's mom is scared to visit my home country?

so my girlfriend \[f, 21\] is visiting my \[f, 25\] home country turkey soon (along with me; she lives in australia, and i live in germany, born and raised in europe, but with tons of family in turkey and my roots are turkish!) my gfs mom \[f, 40+\] knew about this, and her response to the question, if she wants to come along, was to show my gf australia's travel website stating that you should be careful in turkey as there is a chance of terrorism and said "no, sorry, i am scared". she also kept on telling my gf how dangerous it could be and having a discussion about it. my gf knows turkey is not /that/ dangerous. and personally, i felt far more unsafe in italy (and actually got robbed btw) than i ever did in turkey. it is also a very popular tourist destination for native germans btw. now, i would get it if this was about the recent earthquakes, but it was not. naturally, i started feeling slightly annoyed about the mom. she is really nice and all, but i do not understand all this fearmongering. for one, i am from turkey, and i know my country well. it is not like we are talking about afghanistan or iran. it honestly made me feel like she is overgeneralising all of the middle-east as if every single country is underdeveloped and full of terrorism. i voiced this to my gf and she got defensive, but we quickly moved on. she did not acknowledge that the mom is a bit... ignorant, and actually, my gf even denied it, being shocked i could ever claim that! i feel frustrated, and i do not plan on going on about this with my gf; i just wanted you guys' perspective!

nah

nah there are parts of turkey that are not safe to visit, not because of the recent earthquake, but because of their proximity to syria and all the chaos in syria. meanwhile, parts of turkey are quite safe to visit. we found that places like izmir and istanbul are wonderful. so, where in turkey do you plan to go? it makes a difference.

nah i went to turkey recently and it wasn't really safe at all as a woman so i can see why she's scared especially if she doesn't travel alot.

126q6c4

aita for not wanting to force my children to go to church every sunday?

*forgive formatting i'm on mobile* *also sorry for length wanted to make it as clear as possible* eta: kids are 2y and 8 month old. eta #2: hubby and i spoke on lunch today and agree we need to sit down and have a long talk again (similar to the one we had when we first got together). i plan to show him the comments on the post (which i very much appreciate all of your insight). i, 27f, and my husband 30m have 2 kids. my husband and i both grew up catholic but had very different experiences within the church growing up, even though we grew up attending the same church with the same community. his family was the "example of a good catholic family", parents still married 'happily', a good amount of kids, there every sunday. for our small farm community they were what others should want to be. (surface only behind the scenes they are nothing like what they portrayed at church). i was born out of wedlock by a teen mom and grew up in a broken home. was adopted but parents later divorced. due to that i was often the butt of the gossip around the church and was often told to my face that i was going to hell just for being born. but my mom still forced me to go every week wednesday and sunday, even though at a young age lead to me coming home crying. she forced me to volunteer and participate in numerous activities to try and "prove my worth". i have zero issue with my faith, i still believe in the catholic religion, my issue is with the church itself. i pray regularly, occasionally listen to mass, but i don't feel like i need to show my face in the building to be "whole" and complete in my faith. recently my husband's best friend, 29m, got very into religion again after years of nothing. my husband was very proud of him for finding that piece that he (best friend) said was missing. this has also caused my husband to get more involved again, which i don't mind. but now my husband wants us to become that "picture perfect catholic family" by attending every week in our sunday best no ifs/ands/or buts. i talked to him and he says he understands my feelings to a point, but he only knew love and praise from the church so, to his own admission, only somewhat understands. and says we can't shelter our children from god just because i felt abandoned by the community growing up. (we still live in the same area we grew up) i am not trying to keep my kids from god, i plan to teach them, pray with them, etc. but he doesn't think it's enough. aita?

nta

nta you were exposed to the hypocrisy of the church. it is real. you have a right to not want your children participating in that. unless you agreed to be active in the catholic church when you married and agreed to raise your children under that influence, you have no obligation here. there were no false pretenses. a nondenominational community would be a good compromise. you guys need to get on the same page because such a strong disagreement can hurt your marriage.

nta. >i talked to him and he says he understands my feelings to a point, "no," is a complete sentence. he does not have to "understand." his understanding is not required. he does not get to unilaterally decide what your children's religious upbringing looks like. that's a negotiation, something where you find a compromise that you can both live with. it is not a case where that unless you "win" the argument by convincing him, he gets to decide. and while you're probably going to have to be okay with your kids showing up sometimes at church on sunday (compromise works both ways, after all) - you never have to go if you don't want to. that's his thing. "tried that, it's not for me." and if he doesn't like the fact that you don't look like a "picture perfect catholic family" if you're not there will bells on every week, that's his problem. he can channel that frustration into changing the church, making it more responsive to the needs of people like you.