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125q3fz

aita for venting privately about my friend posting a picture with my ex?

my friend, let's call them qe, (20f) and i (21f) met at a local comic con about a year ago. we were both cosplayers and i have a relatively large following online while they were just starting out. we went to a bunch of different cons together after that. in about november, qe started being weird towards me in a discord server we were in together. qe was making comments that made me feel like i wasn’t being respected. they were calling me out on tiny things i said in the discord server. like i would bring in my perspective on a situation and qe would act like i was making everything about myself. i communicate with people when they need help by telling stories about myself and how i fixed it. i don’t really understand how to help someone any other way. it's how i always have done it which is why i don’t usually give my two cents on a situation. qe made me feel awful and start crying whenever i did this based on how they would phrase things. it was very passive aggressive in my opinion. about a month ago, qe posted a picture on instagram on instagram of a group from a school organization (they don’t go to the same college as me but they came to my college for an event). i opened the post and on the first slide i saw in the group in the photo, my shitty ex (mentioned at the start) was in the picture of the small group of 5 people.  qe knew what he did to me and had asked the day before the picture was posted that she didn’t want to talk about my ex for her mental health. i was completely understanding and agreed.  i went into a massive panic attack and unfollowed her because i felt so disrespected and like she didn’t really believe me in what happened with him. she posted a picture that she knew could trigger me.  i posted on my close friend's instagram story something along the lines of “just had to unfollow one of my good friends because they posted a pic with my shitty ex.”  someone sent her the story. i had never mentioned her name or anything. only three people in my close friend's story knew the situation with the ex as well as knew qe. after finding out someone sent it to her, i posted again, “who told her? i just wanna know…” about two hours later, i got a dm from one of q’s friends saying “how dare you try to start  drama and make qe cry.” and went on and on about how i was trying to start something, which i was not trying to do at all. i reached out to qe and in a panic that people were talking about me. i was so scared that all of my friends hated me now and that she would talk about me behind my back more. i apologized to q, which honestly was a hollow apology because i was just trying to save myself. qe got mad at me about how i should’ve asked her “why is he there?” instead of unfollowing. i didn’t feel comfortable coming to her about that due to the fact she didn’t want to talk about my ex anymore. in the end she ended up blocking me.

yta

so you vagueposted and then we’re surprised people took the bait and talked about it? yeah yta and childish af

all i know after reading this disjointed ass story is that everyone involved needs to grow up. yta

125qjrv

aita for suggesting that i wanted to live with my family in the future

my mom got mad at me for suggesting that i wanted to live with my family and my family lives in argentina. i told her i didn’t really wanna live in usa anymore and that i miss my family and feel happier there. my mom didn’t like this and said that i can’t just leave my mom like that which is hypocritical of her to say since she legit left her mother to go to usa for more money. my stepdad said i can’t go to live in argentina cuz we are a family and that we got family here which isn’t true at all. my stepdad isn’t even my real family member he ain’t blood related neither are his kids they don’t see me as family and i barely see them either. it’s funny how he even did that shitty comparison like you are really calling yourself and your own family “family” more than my actual blood related biological family. and he said how i was raised here in usa so i should stay cuz we have him and my mom like bro what you are only 2 people plus i wanna be with my actual family oh and not only that but my stepdads family don’t even call me family one of them legit brags to my face how i’m not actual family with them. it’s not the same being with step family there’s a big difference with step family and biological family

nta

nta. is your family in argentina anxious for you to come back? do you have to wait until you're 18? your step family doesn't sound loving to you at all, and how your mother doesn't see that is puzzling.

nta. do the bio/step family conversations come into play because you feel restricted in your home environment? i don’t know how old you are when you and your mom came to the usa, but it sounds like you miss your home country.

125qqeb

aita using my dad's card to pay for my cab?

my (18f) dad (50m) has a habit of dragging me places 'just for an hour / few hours / afternoon' only to end up staying for a very long time. its frequent. he doesn't accept me not coming with him. the same thing happened a few days ago. he wanted to go visit some of his friends and insisted i came with him. i told him no, i had an exam early the next day so i wanted to stay home and study, and to to bed early. he insisted we'd only stay for some coffee and then we'd go, and wouldn't accept no. i reluctantly went with him. we left home around noon. it was about a 50 minute drive, so too far to walk back home. i was basically ignored once he saw he friends, so i sat on the couch trying to study from my phone. at 3ish i asked to go back home, he said we'd leave as soon as he finished his coffee. at 4 i asked again, he told me 'later'. at 5 i asked again, he got annoyed and told me we might as well stay for dinner. after dinner, 8ish, i asked again, he said as soon as he finished his beer. i reminded him that i had to get up at 5.30 the next day, so i'd really like to go soon. when he got another beer i left quietly and called a cab, i used his card to pay (i have a second card from his account for groceries and such, i didn't take his). it took him nearly an hour to realise i was gone, he called me and i told him i was nearly home and was going to bed. he was really mad about me leaving without telling him and using his card to pay for the cab, since it was a pretty long ride. i just wanted to study and get enough sleep. aita?

nta

nta. he broke multiple promises about getting you home.

nta - you gave your father the conditions if you went, he accepted them and then ignored your need to study and rest by repeatedly blowing you off the bigger question is why can't he go somewhere without you. he ignores you once there, my guess is he doesn't trust you being alone either for your safety or that you would do something he doesn't approve of. you need to have a talk with him, at 18 you're old enough to stay home and study. you need to go through that night with him and find out why you had to be there to just be ignored and why he didn't care about your test the next day

125r608

aita for leaving my friend during an awkward dinner?

i (20f) have been have known my best friend (22f) since we were both in elementary school. for a little context, i came out to my friend as asexual a few months back and she accepted it, but she told me she wasn’t totally on board on it and not to tell her other friends that, which okay, that’s fine. i have also told her many times i have no desire to date anyone every time she tries to hook me up with someone. but what happened was she invited me to go eat at a restaurant with her, which we do at least once a week, and went and meet her. when i came in she was already there with a guy. i didn’t say anything, just exchanged pleasantries and talked to him a bit to be nice. about twenty minutes in she dropped the bombshell that this was a surprise date and that she was hoping we could go to his house together after the dinner. not only was i absolutely furious, the poor guy looked completely uncomfortable as well. i made an excuse that i had to go, paid for my dinner, and told the guy it was nice meeting him, and left without telling her anything. i called her later and told her that was completely uncalled for, that i already told her multiple times about my feelings on anything sexual. that i was very uncomfortable throughout everything. she told me i was being a bitch for leaving and that i ‘needed to grow up and get out of my virgin phase’. and that she had set me up with some one who would sleep me. i told her that i needed time to think about our friendship after that and haven’t contacted her since. am i the asshole for leaving like that?

nta

>but she told me she wasn’t totally on board on it what does this even mean?! she doesn’t get to dictate your romance or sexuality. op, time to cut ties with this person, she is not your friend. a “friend” would hear you say this and respect your wishes, this person doesn’t even see how she was in the wrong. nta!

nta. time to dump this friend.

125r6k0

aita for cleaning the floor badly?

context: my bedroom is in the garden and it was lightly raining so the ground was a little bit muddy. i went to the kitchen to make myself some toast and then went back to my room. about 10 minutes later my mum got home from work with my dad and phoned me telling me to come clean up the mess i made on the floor. i hadnt realised but there were 4 or 5 footprints by the door where i had left my shoes. i went straight back inside and tried wiping it with the towel that was already on the floor and immediately my dads going off about how thats not going to work. so i poured some water on the floor so that i could get it off with the towel which worked but then ive got my dad going on about how im just making it harder for myself and this and that. i said i didnt care about wiping up the water and it wasnt like there isnt already water all over the floor from the dog but hes just complaining how i got his feet wet. so i started drying the floor near him and there was still one foot print left but hes still just going on at me about how im not doing a good enough job. in the end i left that last foot print and just said how if hes going to just go on at me about how i cant do it right then im not going to stand here and take it and just wont do it right and went back to my room. (its not like i ever do anything right in their eyes anyway, i can clean the sides load the dishwasher and leave a pot to soak overnight and accidentally leave the tissue i cleaned the side with on the side and ill get an angry text like 2hrs later about how i never do anything and how my dad just *had* to scrape the pot clean at 4am) anyway as im walking to my room my mum starts having a go at me from the door, not shouting but still raising her voice but at this point i wasnt really listening to it. i went back to my game and told my friend about it and was surprised when they didnt come banging on my door. this morning ive just woken up and the first thing i see is a text from my mum > you have got such a bad attitude [myname], if you don't like people "having a go" at you then show some basic respect!! if you make something dirty then you clean it up properly, straight away and without having to be told to do it, i am so sick of you playing the victim and acting like a child, fucking get over yourself and step up as an adult! your just being so bloody rude and disrespectful lately and me and your dad have had enough of it like, i hadnt even seen the footprints before they called me in and i came straight in to do it. i swear i just cant do anything right, i remember as far back as year 5/6 feeling like everything i did was wrong and its just shit like this all the time. they even got annoyed at me for giving them my bin to use in the kitchen last summer when i was back from uni so we didnt have to have one bag of rubbish on the cupboard handle and one on the draining rack because "its the way they do it" and they didnt want me changing it. this kinda turned into a bit of a rant about a few things, but with walking off after not cleaning the floor properly: aita? a redditor suggested getting a door mat for outside the door which i liked, which should solve the problem at the cause. if it happens again ill finish the cleaning without overreacting to the criticism and walking off, i shouldnt have done that.

yta

yta. you made the mess and you didn't clean it up. adults clean up after themselves and children have to be taught that. do you not own a mop? is pouring water on the floor to clean normal where you are?

yta if you dirty something, even if it's by accident, is your responsibility to sort it out. and if its on a shared space, do it straight away instead of leaving it for the next person. if you miss it and you get called out, you apologise and sort it out as soon as you can. it's not that hard.

125rfea

aita for not wanting to pay my dogs vet bills?

so, the context is important, i’m away longterm for work currently and my so has become the sole caretaker for our dog. he’s known to steal food off of the counter top when it’s left close enough. yesterday he ate a piece of fruit loaf (containing lots of raisins) that was left within range, which meant an expensive trip to the vet, as our insurance limit had already been reached due to a long term condition he has. in my opinion, this event is the fault of my so, they know he’s able to steal food and they basically fucked up. i currently earn more money than my so but because of that i pay the large majority of our bills and since i own our house since before we met, i currently have zero savings, in-fact i’m significantly deep in my overdraft which is part of the reason i’m working away in order to recover my savings and set us up for a better life going forward. my so however, has something like €5000 in their bank, and can definitely cover this expense. the fact that they have the money at the moment is almost a moot point as i believe that my so should accept responsibility for this incident and offer to cover the whole cost anyway. currently my so states i’m being unfair. to play devils advocate; yes, we shouldn’t have got the dog knowing i’d be going away, but that’s on both of us and we also thought there’d be more time. yes, we should be training this out of him, but we have had 2 trainers now and we have had to work on other behaviours of his which seemed worse at the time. obviously this will become a priority now.

yta

yta the only context is that food was left out in reach for a dog to access if the dog becomes sick, and you are decent humans, pay the damn vet bill, regardless of who’s money if you can’t care for an animal without squabbling who pays, you don’t deserve to have one

yta. grow the hell up and split the cost. while you’re away for work your so is doing all the care for your shared animal. he’s dealing with the bad behavior and the vet visit. when your dog isn’t well trained and goes after food, accidents are likely to happen. you deal with it as a couple, unless you want to be single, which i sure as hell would if my so pulled this petty shit on me.

125rfl6

aita for trying to be polite/cordial with friend's in-laws?

dear friend (df) and i weren’t close until 2018 when i reached out to her while she was in my city. she replied that she’d forgotten her laptop at the airport & needed my help. i travelled 2+ hours one way to the airport to find it and bring it home and again to send it back. we got closer over the next 4 years and she invited me to her wedding as one of her bridesmaids. i was touched, and agreed to attend her wedding in december (in another country). post-wedding, the entire wedding party got covid, and i checked in on everyone via chat to see how they were, etc. yesterday, df messaged me after 3 months of ignoring my texts (i thought she was busy post-wedding) that she wants the phone numbers of my partner’s family as it seems i have been contacting all of her husband’s side of the family. this surprised me and i replied that i didn’t mean to hurt her and wouldn’t message them. she ranted about how it’s the personal messages that affects them, that she’s a new bride navigating 2 different cultures and she doesn’t want any problems with her in-laws and upset family dynamics. df said that it’s her first time getting to know them, and she wants to take her own sweet time. she said that it’s okay to message her family but i’m not supposed to message, or respond to anyone from her husband’s side of the family. by this point, i had apologised 3-4 times and said that all i wanted was for her to be happy and didn’t want to create any problems for her. i was upset all day and after my anger had subsided (i didn’t show any anger to her at all), i checked my messages to see what i did wrong. i saw that i hadn’t messaged anyone on her husband’s side of the family since december 31st. i had received a call on 1 jan from another one of her aunt-in-laws, and i had attended it to be polite - so that it wouldn’t backfire on df that her friends are rude and don’t respond. i had also received a message from df’s sister-in-law’s to-be husband after the oscars which he had forwarded to everyone and all i said was, “yeah, i saw that. it’s lovely”. there’s a group in which everyone chats - and i saw i had replied to her aunt-in-law’s message privately after replying in the group. we exchanged pleasantries and that’s it. 2 instances in the last 3 months where her in-laws reached out to me and i responded out of obligation, and 1 message that i had sent 2 days ago. is it justified to start blaming me for creating problems? in fact, i’m a little indignant that as her friend, she didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. she didn’t ask for my side of the story, she just assumed i was wrong. i don’t get why i was made to feel humiliated and told that i was not to reply to them even if they reached out to me over one private message. it made me feel as if i was responsible for her problems and actively scheming against df. why ask for my partner’s family’s numbers? aita in this? am i somehow wrong?

nta

i don’t think you are an asshole, and as a disclaimer, i come from a culture where the in law relationship, especially for women, is one where you have to watch interactions very carefully because it can be held against that woman in a damaging way. generally, i stay away from people’s in laws. like my sister’s in laws will invite me on vacation with them and i decline because i don’t want to risk accidentally causing a problem and then they hold it against my sister. in your case, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything bad on the surface. but let’s imagine that behind the scenes those same relatives are throwing it in your friend’s face that “oh your friend is so much nicer, so much more communicative. why aren’t you like that?” or some such meanness. you may not realize how they are using it against her. i might send a “sorry, i had no idea that this would cause you trouble. of course i won’t do it again because i want you to be happy.” if you are interested in keeping the friendship and maybe hear her out as to what’s prompting her reaction. if you didn’t want to be friends after this though…i wouldn’t blame you one bit. she is acting like you are deliberately trying to harm her when clearly some wires just got crossed. nta

nta seems like your "friend" wasn't doing anything and by you responding to them showed her up. she's not your friend, don't deal with her.

125rgy5

aita for not looking at my husbands needs

me and my husband are both disabled i have osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, degeneration of the spine and a deformed pelvis. my husband has really bad knees after we were hit head on by another car and the dashboard crushed his knees. we decided to get powered wheelchairs by hire. they were really great chairs really comfy and fast had quite good suspension wise. the problem with them was they were to big to get into a normal car, so we had to hire a huge mercedes sprinter van. now the wheelchairs were comfy this van was the opposite. there was no comfort in it at all, but it got us from a to b. my husband started off ok going out with me but he soon decided he didn’t want to go out as the van hurt him and he couldn’t cope with the pain in his knees, so we were mainly staying in and paying to hire these wheelchairs for nothing. when covid came around he decided to not continue with his lease of the chair as he won’t pay for anything that he’s not going to use. so if we had to go out it was a case of driving in the van and parking as close as we can and hobble in, it wasn’t ideal but it’s what we managed to do to get us out when needed. i recently saw someone using a folding up powered wheelchair, i thought if i got one for my husband we could easily store it at home and put it in the van. the longer i thought about it, i thought if we both hire them we could do away with the van and get a large suv. which solved a lot of problems with the van like parking as i can fit in a multi storey car park and car parks with height restrictions. we had a look at some of these power chairs and they are very basic and will need cushions and back support. they don’t respond as great as the chairs we are use to. but we can easily buy cushions and back supports. my husband is totally against the chairs and will not look at anything other than similar ones we are used too. i’m totally against getting another van. we have come up with a reasonable compromise, i get myself a car with a hoist for lifting one of these basic chairs, and then live like we have been doing by driving close and hobbling in. but am i being unreasonable by wanting to do this? my husband doesn’t go out very often anyway. my husband can’t drive and doesn’t like going to places where other people will be. the reason i think i could be being the a***hole is this will be making things a lot easier for me. i am putting my needs first. in context about how much we use the van as it’s so uncomfortable and hard to park, we have had the van over 9 years and we are just coming up to 23k miles, my son does more than that in 6 months.

nah

this is a case where your needs matter and your husband's needs matter, and needs matter more than wants or wishes. i strongly recommend you talk the situation through together with someone who can give an outside opinion—your son, maybe. best of luck. nah, unless your husband is being stubborn for the sake of it.

nah. sounds like going out is not only more painful for your husband than for you, but he also just wants to go out less than you anyway. given that, it makes sense for you to have a vehicle/chair setup that works for you. if he doesn't want you to get a new folding chair for him, that's fine. if he's already given up the old one then you're not putting him into a worse position than he's already in.

125rh35

wibta for not running my friends shop for her

me 32 female has been working at a shop for a friend she has not paid me in almost 3 monthsand has been saying that i'm not doing enough to get paid so now here is where i maybe the asshole i've stopped opening the shop for her i have stopped closing for her i opened and closed well really ran the whole shop for her whil she runs around doing what she says wants to do now she is mad at me saying i'm the reason her business is failing and not making money she is hardly in the shop she keeps saying that i don't do enough around the shop also

nta

nta stop helping her. stop showing up. if she contacts you, frankly, block her, because she isn't a friend, she's just mooching off your inability to grow a backbone. *she hasn't paid you in three months!* how have you stayed this long???

nta. your “friend” is the reason her business is failing. edit to add - if you not showing up for free is enough for the business to start failing, than you were obviously doing more than enough to get paid

125rnso

aita for playing the lottery?

my partner and i are both mid-30s. when i go grocery shopping, about once a week, i pop $1 in the machine on my way out and get a lottery ticket. sometimes the whole "reprieve of winning the lottery" fantasy helps get me through the week. i was scanning my ticket recently and my partner asked what i was doing. joking, i told him i was just checking if we were millionaires yet. confused, he inquired further and i clarified and told him i was checking a lottery ticket. he asked if it was a special occasion (i buy him and myself a special ticket on our birthdays, a long-standing tradition that started before my weekly purchase), and i said, "nope, just my usual ticket." i'd never tried to keep it from him or lie to him about it, but i didn't really talk about it either so his surprise wasn't that, well... surprising. he started chastizing me that it was a waste of money. i said, sure, but sometimes i skip grocery shopping, sometimes i forget to grab a ticket, sometimes the store is too busy and i just want to get out. so at max it was a $52/year habit but in reality, it's probably much less. he said it didn't matter because the chances were so low that i might as well be throwing the dollar in the trash. i told him it wasn't like i was quitting my job and putting all of our money into the lottery as if i thought we had a solid chance, it was just my personal little enjoyment, no different than popping a dollar into an arcade machine and having fun for a few minutes. he said "whatever, clearly what i say doesn't matter." and stormed off. if i told him i bought a $5 starbucks once a week, he wouldn't have reacted like that and he's not religious and has never expressed any sort of particular condemnation for the lottery before. all he kept saying was it was a waste of money. i'm not dumb - i'm not making any life plans that depend on winning the lottery. aita for spending $1 a week on a lottery ticket because it brings me a little enjoyment?

nta

nta, it's your money and it's literally $1 it's not like you have a gambling problem. with the way scratch offs pay off i wouldn't be surprised if you basically broke even every single year. would he give a shit if you got yourself a pack of gum every time you went to the grocery store? very bizarre reaction on his end bordering on inappropriately controlling.

nta, jesus i spend more a week on drinks and candy imagine getting mad at spending a dollar a week on something that makes you happy.

125rpru

aita for not hosting my daughter’s best friend for dinner anymore?

my daughter has a best friend who, for the purpose of post, we will call beth (both 8f). some relevant background: i don’t make “kid’s food” for my kids. they are expected to eat what i have made for dinner, which is often not food that would be considered “kid-friendly.” as a result, my kids have a wide palate and enjoy eating a variety of foods. my son’s favorite food is grilled octopus, while my daughter’s is pasta with sea urchin. of course there are things they don’t like and i don’t force them to eat those things. but, as a general rule, they have to eat what is available to them. beth exclusively eats “kids food.” her family has two separate meals every night - something for the parents and something more kid-friendly for the kids (e.g. chicken nuggets, pizza with no sauce, etc.). beth is extremely picky. my daughter and beth hang out almost every weekend. the first time beth was over for dinner, i had made roasted chicken. beth’s parents hadn’t given me a heads up about her preferences. she refused to eat the chicken and asked for goldfish crackers instead. the next few times, i tried my best to accommodate beth’s preferences, but there was always something wrong with what i made and beth would refuse to eat it. for example, i made a pasta dish for my family and served beth plain pasta because she doesn’t like sauce of any kind. she still refused to eat, because i had made penne and beth only eats farfalle. i have gotten fed up with beth’s pickiness and have started to arrange the girls’ playdates so that they end before dinner time. beth’s parents noticed and asked why i never host beth for dinner anymore. i explained that i couldn’t cater to her food preferences. they asked why i can’t just keep chicken nuggets in my freezer and make them for her when she’s over for dinner. i told them that i wouldn’t do that because i don’t want to teach my kids that it’s ok to request something different than what they’re being served. beth’s parents had some… choice words for me after that and are apparently considering not letting beth hang out with my daughter anymore. aita? apologies for any errors, i am using voice to text

nta

nta! ending play dates before dinner works perfect because it reduces your and beth’s anxiety over food. the parents are angry because their dinner date nights are gone! now they have to include their daughter.

nta. at all. and you know it - beth's parents are setting her up for a lifetime of insufferability and disappointment. good job on the sea urchin! hit us up with the recipe?

125rvpe

aita for not including my niece in my daughters birthday since her parents can't afford it?

my (31f) daughter (8f) and my niece (8f) are born 10 days apart. due to this ever since they were little my sil (29f) has always pushed for them to have a "shared" birthday party. when the girls were younger (1-4) we used to do shared birthday parties. but my husband and i realized that we were always the ones to foot the bill for everything (food, decorations, location etc.). the girls also were complete opposites. my daughter has always been more of a tomboy, while my niece is super girly. when my husband and i told sil and my brother that we won't be doing the shared birthday's anymore, they we really upset and it started a huge fight. they said they can't afford to throw a nice birthday for my niece but we can, so it makes sense that we pay for it since we're "family". yeah, not gonna fly with my husband and i. so we stuck by what we said and every since the girls have had separate birthday's. my daughter and my husband love watching formula 1 together, and she wanted to have a formula 1 themed birthday this year. the weekend before the birthday we had a family dinner at my parents house. sil, my brother and niece were present. my parents were asking the girls if they were excited for their upcoming birthday's, and if they were having parties this year? my daughter told my parents she is having a formula 1 themed party this year. sil answered for my niece and said they're not going to have a party for her because thing's were tight. the conversation was left there. fast forward to this past weekend (daughters bday was on saturday) we had the party and it was going great. the whole family was invited as usual, and everyone was having a great time until the cake. i'm in the kitchen with my mom, mil, sil and a few other family friends talking. i pull the cake out to get it ready to bring out for everyone. sil takes a look at the cake and looks confused. sil: "is this the girls birthday cake?" me: "what do you mean 'the girls'? the cake is for \*daughters name\*" sil: "well i thought since i mentioned that thing's are tight this year, that you'd include \*niece's name\* in the birthday?" me: "i understand your situation, but how come you never once mentioned this to me?" sil: "well i thought it would be common sense? now my daughter isn't going to have any kind of celebration for her birthday this year because you and you husband are so selfish". she then stormed out of the kitchen, made a huge scene at the party outside yelling to her husband and my niece that it's time to go and left. since then she's been messaging me and my husband non stop trying to make us feel guilty that my niece isn't going to have a birthday party, and calling us all kinds of names. i feel bad that my niece isn't going to get a birthday party. aita for not including her even though they can't afford it?

nta

nta. first of all it’s simply not your job to make sure your niece has a party. that’s up to her parents. if things are tight maybe they need to be creative but it’s still on them. secondly, it’s ridiculous for her to think that hinting around will get her daughter added to the party. if it was as important to her as she acts like it is then she should have had a frank conversation with you and simply asked. you could have still said no but their wouldn’t have been the confusion. this is on them, not you.

>when my husband and i told sil and my brother that we won't be doing the shared birthday's anymore, they we really upset and it started a huge fight. they said they can't afford to throw a nice birthday for my niece but we can, so it makes sense that we pay for it since we're "family". nobody likes it when the gravy-train ends. nta. it is not reasonable to expect you to be able to read minds, specifically the mind of your assumptive and entitled sil. as i kept reading, the entitlement just got worse. wow! i feel for your niece. your sil is a real piece of work. i know you feel bad for your niece, maybe doing something special for her apart from your daughter's birthday...maybe a special cousin's day out in the near future? one that won't include her mother perhaps?

125sq2p

aita for asking my sister to do the dishes?

about four weeks ago i (30f) asked my sister (32f) to do the dishes so i can put down my baby she said yes and walked over to the kitchen as i went upstairs to put my baby down for a nap i came back down stairs to see my sister sitting on the couch i said "wow i didn't know you could do the dishes so fast" she turned to me and said "that's because i didn't?" i asked why there aren't many dishes she told me that it's my house i should do my chores. for some clarification i just had my baby a few weeks before this and she had come to help me around the house like i did when she was pregnant. i did almost all the chores so she could get some sleep. she felt it was only right to help me through the pregnancy. so am i the asshole? edit 2: so my parents have been talking to her about what she did even though it's not very serious they still want her to apologize. i told them that its fine and that she doesn't need too but they insist. today she finally said something to me. all she asked was how the baby was. i haven't really talked to her or seen her the last few days much but it's been really hard not to apologize first because i have my hole life it's been nice to come on here and see all the support i'm getting. thank you again for all the love i really can't thank you enough for it and it's been so long since i've had some time to myself!❤️

nta

nta - you asked her. you didn't order her. i'm confused why she said yes if she didn't intend to do them, though. realistically, if she's not going to help you through your recovery, she's just a burden - i wouldn't invite her back over.

nta and i'm really confused by your sister's behavior. why say yes, move to do it and then shrug and go "nah, i'm gong back to the couch". who does this?

125srbh

aita for encouraging my friend to confront our mutual friend about her shitty and entitled behavior?

my(24f) friend ria(25f) called me frantically a couple of days ago. a mutual friend of ours pepper(25f) sent her a rant over text calling her a terrible friend because of a pizza incident that happened months ago. ria, and myselfhad benefitted from pretty privilege to get an upgrade while pepper had not. we did not notice at the time and pepper did not mention it. regardless there was not much that could have been done other than to reassure pepper she is beautiful. pepper was furious that ria allowed this to happened called her selfish and self absorbed for being so wrapped up in her birthday to not even realize pepper was hurting. again none of us noticed. i reassured ria that she was not a bad friend and that it was not her fault. there really wasn't even much we could have done as we weren't going to start an argument in public over the lack of a free upgrade. i encouraged ria to call pepper out for being a terrible friend herself. for trying to make ria feel bad for something she has no control over and for waiting six months to bring it up. no similar incidents have happened since or were mentioned by pepper. the confrontation came out of nowhere and seemed more spiteful than trying to make amends. i also encouraged ria to take time away from pepper and decide if she wants to keep her in her life this morning i woke up to a text message from ria with a link to an aita post from pepper. in it she explains her side of the story. while the pizza incident is mentioned (nothing ria or i could have done about it, but maybe we should have been paying more attention to her and we might have been too absorbed in our own lives to realized she was hurting). there was also a book incident mentioned that ria never told me about. ria has recently become obsessed with the book series a court of thorns and roses. ria's boyfriend has a friend whose sister was roommates with the book author and was able to get ria a signed copy. before this ria was openly against that book and any similar ones. she has on occasions made fun of others for reading it including pepper during the trip where the incident happened. recently ria was able to obtain a second book signed by saraah j mass. she was showing it off to everyone i think this incident is what caused pepeper to send that original text message. ria seems very upset that people are calling her an asshole, which after reading the post i realize she is, but i am beginning to think i am too. i was the one who encouraged ria to confront pepper and all of ria's arguments for why pepper is a shitty friend are reasons i personally told her. i could have handled the situation differently and gotten peppers side of the story or at least encouraged ria to have an open conversation with pepper instead of telling her to confront her about it. so aita for encouraging my friend to confront our mutual friend and call her out on her shitty and entitled behavior? *edit* ria is an avid reddit user so i am not surprised she found pepper's post and have no doubt that she will find this one as well. i am also surprised pepper kept all of our names, but i guess she didn't think ria would find it. i have already told ria people are calling her an asshole because she was one and to read the comments from a different perspective instead of as personal attacks to her *edit #2* i want to clarify i bit more on the book situation since the original post had a character limit. both incidents occurred during ria's birthday trip 6 months ago. the pizza incident happened at the beginning of the trip and then throughout the trip pepper chose to read "a court of silver flames" during her down time. throughout the trip ria made comments about how only lonely people who can't find love and middle schoolers read those types of books. that they are cliche and for desperate people. ria has always made comments like that about romance books so i thought nothing of it but now i can see how those comments hurt pepper. i don't know why pepepr didn't bring this up sooner but ria can sometimes be hard to talk to. it seems like ria getting a second book signed by the author is what caused pepper to drunkenly text her confronting her about her behavior which is what started this whole incident.

esh

esh - all of this is exhausting and petty. pepper needs to get over things. "it's not fair that you got a free upgrade and i didn't on my lunch!" is petty and childish thing for her to be "hurting over" and, as noted, isn't in your control. and pepper being mad that ria was "absorbed" in her own birthday is nonsense. it's *her birthday*. it's okay to be a bit "yeah me!" on your own birthday. also, if ria is upset about something, she *can use her words* and say something, not expect you to magically intuit "our friend is upset and hurt about pizza." ria was shitty about other people's taste in books. she needs to stop being shitty to other people about their taste in books. but also, she changed her mind, so, again: ria should really get over it. people are allowed to change their minds about books. instead of being upset about it after the fact, why isn't pepper glad to see that ria is a fan now? they can bond over their newfound shared taste in books. you need to mind your own business and not let yourself get drawn into pointless petty drama that has nothing to do with you.

wow… hs drama.. esh pepper needs to voice her issues. anyone can have a change of heart on anything, and if pepper just communicated the book issue right away to ria, maybe they could enjoy both a new common passion.. you are just in the middle of a drama that has nothing to do with you.. stay out of it if you want to stay friends with both!

125tn8q

aita for not being excited for the trip my gf planned?

32m, gf 32f. 2y relationship, 7m living together. last year we were going on a eurotrip for 3w and had to cancel it because of financial problems. she was very depressed. she has a stable office job and i own a small busines. i had great trouble the last couple of years and almost got bankruptcy. last year i had to relocate my only store and reopened on december. she started planning this new trip on september, we are going to 3 countries for 3w. the timing doesn't feel right for me. i told her it was too expensive and difficult for me to leave my business for three week. i tried to change it to a smaller one week trip to just one country. she refused. i tried to talk it over, it ended up in a fight. she convinced me that she was willing to pay for must of it and i only had to agree to go and be available. these year i got a grant from the fed gov to write a book. it's good extra income but comes with extra work. i have to give advances of the work every 3 months. being a writer has been my dream since i was a child and i've worked hard to get this, it opens up many future opportunities. i hoped that this year i could commit my self completely to this. we agreed that she would use her income on the trip while i payed for housing and every day expenses. i've payed around 35% of the trip and she the rest. we've got covered around 80% expenses ahead of time. still, we have to pay for some things over there and i am worried about credit card debt. i've been anxious and stressed about my business, debts and the scholarship since day one. she's been really excited about it and has planned everything meticulously. we've had discussions because i haven't been very involved in the planning but every time i get involved, we fight. our trip starts next week and she has been crying for 3 days because she says it hurts not to see me excited about it. i explained that i've been very anxious lately and it's hard to demonstrate excitement like that, but that i'm excited and happy for us. 2 days ago i had my first virtual encounter with the grantees and tutors from the scholarship, for a whole day we discussed our texts. she was next to me (home office) the whole time and later told me it was very hurtful how she has never seen my so excited talking about our trip as she saw me talking about other peoples stories. she doesn't even want to go on the trip anymore. that's virtually impossible. i could comfort her and try to convince her that i am excited and i appreciate what she's done. i feel it's unjust that i'm being judged on how i've reacted to the expectation of the trip instead of on my actions. i've given all i can. i feel it's unjust that she's jealous of my passion for literature, she didn't asked how the encounter went or what the other people thought of what i wrote. i feel more indignant than sorry for her, to be honest. we're barely talking to each other at the moment.

nta

nta. seems like she has this idea of *her* perfect trip and your thoughts and feelings on it are irrelevant to her. she browbeat you into her ideal and now wants you to be as excited about it as she is. she's also showing no support for you following your dream of being a writer... red flags everywhere in this!

nta you're dealing with real world problems, she's living in fantasy land.

125togj

aita for complaining to my parents for not being the focus of my birthday?

first of all, some context: since 2022, i feel like my mother has been leaving me aside and treating me badly, whether on purpose or not. fights over nothing, pointless accusations, etc. for example, after i had a bad flu, instead of affection i received a lecture about how i have to take care of myself and how i don't worry about the health of everyone in my house. a few days ago, i had my birthday. i would receive my uncles and their children. no problem with that, right? wrong. they arrived, i received them and thanked them for their gift. my parents couldn't give me a gift for financial reasons, what happens, i have no problem with that. after some conversation, i realized something. my parents gave gifts to my cousins. i thought it was strange, but i thought they would give me my gift later. as if it wasn't enough that they gave gifts to my cousins and not me in my birthday (theirs was 20 days later) they gave them all the focus in the world while practically forgetting i existed. after they left, i asked my parents if i had any gifts. my mother said he was too old for that (i had 13 years old), while my father said he had it and that it was at the post office. weeks passed, and to no one's surprise, the gift didn't exist. i asked them why they practically ignored my existence, and they told me to grow up. (just to be clear, i have no problem giving gifts to my cousins on my birthday. the problem is that they didn't give gifts due to financial problems while buying gifts for my cousins outside of their birthdays) now that i've told the story, am i the asshole for complaining to my parents because i wasn't the focus of my birthday?

nta

nta if they could afford to give the cousins gifts, they could have gotten you something. what are the cousin's ages and genders?

nta. it's your birthday. definitely doesn't seem right. i'd be pretty annoyed if it was me. regardless of their intentions, it seems they like to gaslight you so you stop complaining and never have a real honest discussion. so sorry, and happy birthday!

125ttlz

aita for refusing to help with my mother’s wedding?

i (30f) and my husband (30m) have been together for 7 years and married for 2. we are currently expecting our first child after years of infertility, surgeries etc, so we are very excited. we are also still waiting on an amniocentesis to determine if our baby has a congenital condition that we are both carriers for, and an amnio increases the risk of miscarriage. so clearly we are nervous and wanted to keep the news private. our daughter is due in september. we run a small photography business and typically do 5-10 weddings a summer. my mother (54f) and stepfather (sf) have been together for 22 years, and have a daughter together but never married. they have started planning a wedding in the past, to have it blow up entirely and their relationship get called into question several times. the quick backstory: my mom and dad broke up when i was 7, because my mom was sleeping with sf, who happened to be my dad’s best friend and drug supplier. dad had gotten clean and stopped dealing for sf. mom did not want to get clean, and here we are. several drug raids and arrests later, it had been a rocky 22 years with their relationship to say the least. after my husband and i announced to family we are pregnant, mom decided to change their wedding date from july 10th to september 10th…less than 2 weeks before the baby is due. my mom also went around telling anyone she wanted after we asked her to keep it private to just family. she told one of her friends who then showed up uninvited to my birthday party and gave me a baby present i was forced to open in front of everyone, effectively announcing our pregnancy to people we did not want to tell. she even told my husband’s coworker. i confronted her about that being a violation of our privacy and disrespectful, and she screamed at me about how excited she was to be a grandma and that it was an accident, she didn’t mean to tell people. she said we have had a lot of issues over the years and just shouldn’t speak for a while, then hung up on me. that was over a month ago, and i have been ignoring her calls and messages. i know she is expecting us to do the photos and help with the wedding planning. i don’t want to speak with her, but my family seems to think i am being unfair and completely unreasonable by not moving forward and offering to help since the wedding is such a big deal to her. aita for not wanting to help plan or photograph my mother’s wedding since i will be 9 months’ pregnant?

nta

nta it sounds like your mom could be a narcissist. she intentionally told people you were pregnant before you wanted because she wanted attention. she intentionally moved her wedding date to pull attention away from you and your baby. she is manipulative and attention seeking. you need to do the best thing for yourself, your marriage, and your baby. and severely limiting contact with your mother is probably the best move for your mental health. your family members have been conditioned to meet mom's demands for decades. they don't truly care about what is "fair" or "reasonable", they just care that mom is making them miserable because you aren't around to take her abuse. when you don't answer your phone, mom is calling them and yelling at them. too freaking bad. don't photograph your mom's wedding. don't take a camera to any of her wedding events. and don't "help"with anything wedding related. if you're invited, and you wish to attend, show up to the wedding as a guest. (though, personally, i think it would be funny if you didn't attend and called another gossiping family member right before the wedding to say that you were in labor. that way, attention would be taken away from your mom. but i'm a bit of an asshole.)

do not put your pregnancy at risk by taking photos for your mother's wedding. if the wedding is such a big deal to her, she can hire another professional and not importune her daughter for free shit while she's carrying a basketball around her waist. nta, and your family is out to lunch on this. you shouldn't offer to help your mother: she should be asking you what you need in your last weeks of pregnancy to ensure a happy, healthy child.

125u2w4

aita for telling my mother she tried to "poison me"?

i (16f) have autism and a big problem for me is how picky i am with food. the worst meal i could possibly be given is stew. i have explained this to my family many times and after an argument i had when i was very little (around 5 or 6) we agreed that i'd never have to eat it again. recently, out of nowhere, my mum says that we're (my family) having stew, all of us including me. this makes me really upset because this was an over ten year old argument that i thought had been put to rest, only to be brought up again. i try to be nice and just don't talk to her whilst she makes it, i don't want to upset her by being mean about her cooking. after pleading with her to not make me eat it, i give in and just force it down. just as i remember, it was vile. i felt nauseous and was lucky i didn't throw up in front of her immediately. she jokes about whether i'm going to talk to her again (because she knows how much i hate it) and i say "no, you just gave me poison". she goes deathly quiet and doesn't talk to me, and she's normally really talkative. she sends me upstairs before washing up (which i normally do) and afterwards my brother (17m) tells me i upset her too much and that i should apologize. i didn't want to at all but i did anyway because she'll hold a grudge forever if i don't. i realise calling the meal poison was a bit far but i still think that i'm not in the wrong. aita? last

nta

nta. even before your edits, this cemented it for me: >she jokes about whether i'm going to talk to her again so she knew very well how much you loathe it, put you in a position where you knew it was impossible for you to refuse without punishment, and then acted like it was a cute joke. it's not funny, it's a nasty thing to do to *anyone*, let alone your kid, someone you explicitly have power over. it is *not* unreasonable or excessively burdensome to have a single kind of food you don't like to the point you won't eat, and it's unbelievably nasty of her to put you in this position in the first place. i'm sorry, op. her behaviour was extremely shitty, and if her feelings are hurt as a result that's on her.

i’m clearly in the minority here but honestly i’m leaning nta. obviously you didn’t literally mean that she tried to poison you. i think some people are focusing too much on the dramatic phrasing, and that’s not really the issue here. the first reason i’m going with nta instead of e s h is that the comment about if you’re ever going to talk to her again rubs me the wrong way. it sounds like all the other posts where someone can’t get over that someone else just doesn’t like something and tries to prove they’re being ridiculous by forcing it on them. people can’t simultaneously argue that you’re old enough to say no and make your own food but also not old enough to decide that you’re not willing to eat something. the other reason i’m not going with e s h is i don’t think it’s fair to call teenagers assholes based on one instance of failing to match the level of maturity, independence, and self advocacy we’d expect from an adult. they’re in a very awkward, often inconsistent transition phase between a child with no control and an adult with full responsibility, and they’re going to make mistakes as they navigate it. would saying no and making my own food be seen as independence or disobedience/disrespect? sometimes they get it wrong. they learn. they’re not assholes for not knowing exactly where that line falls in every situation. also, op’s mom might have a very different opinion of where that line falls than we do. automatically going to “you should have made your own food, period” isn’t a fair judgement. so. was op’s “poison” comment great? no, it was a dramatic, teenage-level rude thing to say. but i don’t think the situation they were put in was entirely fair. they sucked it up and ate the food their mother made for them knowing they had a strong sensory aversion to it, and instead of just being satisfied that they ate it and leaving it alone, mom had to ask a snarky, loaded question.

125u67d

aita if i don’t tell my mom that i am going out?

a little back story. my sister went on her first date when she was 19 and my parents (mainly my mom) were so worried about who she was going out with that they went on the date with her and her now fiancé. granted my sister was inside and my parents were outside and with friends as well, but still it just felt really weird to me. i f22 have finally starting going out and seeing guys. i just went on my first date ever last week and i really like the guy. but i have this feeling and i don’t know if it’s guilt from not telling my mom or if it’s a gut feeling about the guy. i’ve never had a problem with telling my mom little white lies but this is bigger to me than lying when i’ll be home. the guy is sweet and is awkward but i like hanging out with him. do i think he’s going to be the one i am going to marry? absolutely not, but i’m having fun now and i’m being safe. i’ve told my friend, uncle and some coworkers where and when i’ll be somewhere with him. i just feel like i’m trying really hard to keep him separated from my family right now. i have to b careful what i say at work because my boss is my grandmas cousin. i know this is not something i really should be stressing too much about but i just don’t know who to talk to. i love my mom but i like keeping some parts of my life separate.

nta

nta - you’re an adult and free to live your life and have some fun. i think as long as you give them the courtesy to let them know that you’re going out/won’t be home then what you do is your business only. i’m pleased you’re informing some people of your whereabouts to keep yourself safe. have fun!

i didn't need to read past that you are an adult, nothing else matters. nta

125ujsi

aita for asking my wife to do more domestic duties while she's on spring break?

hi, sorry for this random throwaway. this is actually a pretty basic problem that doesn't need much explanation, i don't think. my wife is a teacher. i am a tech/knowledge worker who wfh. since i'm around here (and because teaching is a very stressful job) i pick up a lot of the cruft in the house. i do a lot of cooking and cleaning and laundry. my wife is on spring break, so i asked her to share that burden a little extra. my work has been picking up a little too. she says that breaks are for relaxing and that she deserves some down time. i said that, functionally, that means i will forever take an extra share of chores; either she's teaching, or she's on break, both of which mean i shoulder a disproportionate load. she's doing extra, but she's mad at me. aita?

nta

nta -- both partners should get similar down time. dont have kids with this woman

nta >she says that breaks are for relaxing and that she deserves some down time bahahahahaha does she think she is a student? youre an adult, there is no "relaxing" or "downtime" let her be mad. all she needs to do is an hour or 2 of house work every day (depending on whats needed) and boom still so many hours left in the day to relax..

125ulub

aita for calling my cousin “an annoying idiot” because she keeps forcing us to bike half an hour to a different park?

my (16f) cousin (14f)is….extremely adventurous. she always wants to go somewhere and she never wants to do it the easy way (or at an appropriate time). she’s the type of person who would bike to buffalo if she had the choice. the most annoying thing is that she would pressure us to go with her. if we say no, she’ll do everything possible to get you to go with her. she’ll text you, call you, bribe you, etc. this has made lots of people start to dislike her. there are times where i’d join her but that was because a) i was bored and i didn’t want to wait for her to come back and b) i was feeling a little bit active. before anyone starts wondering if we have brought this issue up to her, we have….way too many times. way too many times. does she listen??….well, no. not really. do we want drama?? no. instead, we just decline her a million times. not the best way to go about it, i know. one day, i was hanging out at a nearby park with my friends and cousin. as we were getting up to leave, she stops and says “wait guys!! we still have time. let’s bike to this park!!” mind you, this park was a half an hour bike ride from our area. it was getting darker outside and i was tired. i sighed and said “why?? why do you want to do that??” she said because she was bored and it would be fun. i blew up at her and said “oh of course, why did i even ask!? it’s always because you’re bored. it’s never about how we feel. let me guess, you’re going to start whining now??” here’s the drama i didn’t want. i got it. my cousin yelled back and said “you never want to do anything, you’re such a buzzkill.” i responded with: “well, you’re an annoying idiot. i’m not going with you!!” (sorry for the caps, we were yelling very loud and we got some stares). my friend agreed with me and said she has to learn to stop being annoying. the rest of our friends were trying to de-escalate the situation because it was just a screaming match. my cousin got red in the face and a bit teary eyed so she said “fine whatever do what you want” and walked away. another friend looked at me and said “i know she’s annoying but did you really have to insult her? now look.” some people defended me and some people told me i blew up at her and that made me an asshole. i can’t stop questioning myself now. i mean, i basically had a public outburst but i was upset. i want a different opinion. aita??

nta

nta she is old enough to understand the word no. and she is old enough to know that people have different ideas of fun and everyone will not be up to everything and anything at all times at her convenience. you had this conversation with her before many times. she didn't really acknowledge it. and you reached your boiling point. and honestly, it wasn't that big of an insult either. it was the truth and truth hurts.

nta i mean it could have been managed more properly but.. it is understandable why you did blow up. sounds like your cousin relatgionship is pretty close it could pass as siblings fall out she needs to understand no is no.

125up7r

aita for rudely responding to my mils comments about my home and "insulting" my husband?

dh and i have been together for 2 years. he and i live in a home that i bought from my mom's inheritance money. his mom always talks about how messy our home is and although there's 2 people living in this house, she always directs her comments & criticism towards me. she'd even bring it up infront of lots of people which puts me on the spot constantly. she also seems to forget that i'm pregoo and still work while her son covers 2 night shift every other week. last week was my final straw. we were gathered at dinner, and she brought up how "messy" my home was the last time she visited. she lectured me for half an hour about it then started shaming for the state of the house. i snapped and told her "it's so ironic and hypocritical of you to keep lecturing me on the state of my house as if i don’t live with someone that you raised". she went silent and dh stared at me in disbelief. things got awkward and next thing i knew, dh storms out and dinner gets cut short. we went home and he yelled at me about how i insulted and humiliated him by implying that he's a lazy, dirty, bum. he said it was a cheap attempt to get at him when i should've just kept him out of the conflict his mom and i have. he's not speaking to me and he's extremely upset, he went to stay with his brother and has bern cold to me about this for days now saying i used him as a "tool" to get back at his mom and that he was innocent and shouldn't have been humiliated like that. aita?

nta

nta but we at at reddit are having a hard time figuring out what your husband's role is. you bought and paid for the house. you do all the housework. you are the primary breadwinner. your husband freely allows his mother to abuse you. aside from getting you pregnant he seems a bit useless. i'm assuming you'll also be in charge of all childcare too?

well, he barely works, he barely cleans, he won't intervene when his mom is unloading on you and he thinks you should have protected him from her arguing. what, exactly, are you getting out of this relationship? nta but not sure our opinions are what matters here. at a minimum i'd ban mil from the house, make a rule that she sees the baby only when you visit her and make it clear that the minute she starts up with insults you and baby are leaving. plan to have to walk out 5-6 times before she gets it.

125uqrz

aita for not wanting to go to places with certain people anymore?

i went to a downtown area with this group of friends. everything started out fine, we went to really cool shops and everyone was getting along. however the entire time they were really fucking loud. i could hear people around them whisper about how loud they were. it was really uncomfortable, i tried to ask them to be quieter but they didn’t listen. that’s not the worst part. when it got darker and colder they insisted on staying longer. i asked if we could go inside to some place warmer but they insisted on taking photos outside. i was freezing my ass off but i didn’t say anything. at this point i was really uncomfortable and just not having a great time but i was pretending to have fun with them. now this is when shit went from 1-100. we mostly went so we could take photos because it’s a really pretty area. the photographer friend (mark) wanted us to take photos in a dark alleyway. i had a horrible gut feeling about it, i felt like somethings bad was going to happen. another friend (kurt) agreed, but the other two (avery and michael) thought nothing of it so we went down there anyways and guess what! there were two men down there exchanging something. i was beyond uncomfortable and stayed as far away from them as possible. while mark was taking pictures of avery one of the men approached them. i felt the color drain from my face. thankfully kurt yelled at them and they both ran away. for the rest of the time i begged kurt to call their mom to bring us back home (none of us had our drivers license) and they agreed. when mark asked why we were leaving we told him we don’t feel safe and he was ticked off, telling us he wouldn’t let anything happen to us, but was completely oblivious to the creep trying to approach us? i called him out on it but he still doesn’t get it! it’s not the fact i don’t think he can defend us but that people are unpredictable and i don’t want him to get hurt either. he still thinks i’m overreacting. now things are rocky between us and every time he suggests to go back to that place around that time i always decline and make up excuses and he gets super annoyed but doesn’t say anything. so aita?

nta

nta. stay safe out there. btw, you might be a little naive because mark likely wanted to buy drugs.

nta. find better friends.

125usqh

aita for dancing at my best friend's wedding?

i (25f) have a friend group of 5 people that i've known since i was 15. we're all extremely close, and i consider them my best friends. recently, jen (26f) from our friend group got married and we all attended her wedding. i, along with megan (another member of our friend group) gave a short dance performance at the wedding. jen also joined us towards the end. this was all planned beforehand, and we made sure to run it through with jen. in fact, she really wanted us to do it. we're not professional dancers or anything, but i do like dancing and made sure it was perfect. after our dance, several people came up and complimented us. jen was so happy too, and i thought everything went about smoothly. however, the next day, i received a text from jen's husband rick and her sister-in-law saying that we went over the top and tried to out-do the bride. rick also said that jen would never be honest with us because we're her friends, but i should know that i'm "a horrible person and just wanted attention." his sister also went off about how we were trying to "impress the men at the wedding." we only wanted the best for jen, and it was never our intention to hurt anybody. i can't reach jen right now, but both megan and i are overthinking the shit out of this. aita?

nta

nta. jen cleared it. end of story. while there's a legitimate argument to be made regarding emotional intelligence and the prospect of somebody perhaps not putting meaning behind their words, in an ideal friendship, you *are* able to take things at face value. if you can't trust jen to mean what she says, you simply have no basis for any sort of relationship. conversely, if you *do* have a strong friendship, then you *can* take jen at her word, and therefore the dance is fine. rick and his sister are virtue signaling. i hope jen knew what she was getting into.

nta if jen liked it and approved it, that was all that mattered. the sil and hubby need to remove the poorly placed stick. unless the rest of the wedding was insanely boring, you stole nothing from the bride. to me, it showed that you cared enough to create something special for her. i would definitely speak to jen (probably without mentioning who complained, that wouldn't end well for anyone) but just to make sure she knows the dance was just for her and no one else. and maybe recommend a good proctologist for the hubby and his family.

125uu67

aita for calling my bf a dumbass

i 19f am a huge taylor swift fan. my 22m boyfriend knows this. (we listen to her together very often). recently he has been mistaking random other singers for taylor swift and he said they all sound the same. for example today i was listening to hot n cold by katy perry and he said that he likes this taylor swift song. i called him a dumbass for mistaking her for swift. this is not the only time he has done this as he has mistaken lorde, ellie goulding and carly rae jepsen for taylor. he got upset and said it's not that serious. i think it is that serious since taylot swift is my favorite singer and by doing this he's showing me he does not care. so aita?

yta

yta. calling anyone names especially someone you like because they were trying to talk about things you like, is ah behavior

yta. calling people a dumbass for an opinion shows your immaturity. and for what it’s worth, i completely agree with him.

125v2o3

aita for not replacing my ex friends blinds when my dog messed them up.

i (22f) was friends with a group of girls amy(19f)beth(20f)candy(19f)until recently and they constantly had me over their apartment that they have through the university we all attended . last december i got a dog, a one year old husky .my ex friends thought he was cute and would tell me to bring him over sometimes, if he made a mess or went inside i always made sure to clean it up and i made sure i kept eyes on him when he was invited over so he wouldn't damage anything .i wouldn't allow him on the furniture or anything because he doesn't do that at my place but my friends kinda allowed him to do whatever in there place like ,be on furniture, run around and go in everyone's room etc. on one day before winter break beth asked me to stay over so i could ride with her to the airport an hour away so she could take her guy friend to the airport at 5am .i was gonna say no because my dog would be left at my place alone but then beth asked the other two and they agreed that i could just bring my dog with me and we could both stay the night. so i packed his stuff and went over there place with the intent to wake up at 4am and take him home before we took the friend to the airport. that morning i get pack kodas stuff and beth says that i won't have time to take him and suggest i leave him at there apartment and he'll be fine until i get back .i asked the other two before leaving they said he could stay as long as we aren't gone to long .i stated before leaving that he needed to be supervisored because he gets into things when he's not monitored and they said they understood. while we were gone amy texts us and tells us koda messed up some of the slates on there blinds at their apartment and that said they had left him downstairs and when they down they were broken i offered to fix and replace the slates that were broken since the damage was minimal i just need the info about the type of blinds they were . for months they never inquired about that information or told me what to purchase. last week however amy and beth texted since we stopped being friends and asked why i hadn't replaced the blinds with new ones and i told them that i would fix them but i wasn't buying a new set because only one slate was broken on each and they can easily be fixed . we had all agreed that they weren't allowed at my place and i wasn't allowed at there's so i told them i would buy the supplies for the repair and since it's simple to fix they could do it themselves. they didn't like that and have been bothering me ever since .i called housing and they said that i had no obligation to fix or replace anything and that dogs are not supposed to be allowed in contract housing anyway. so i told the girls that they could take the supplies or buy new blinds themselves because i wasn't going to.aita?

nta

nta. you were doing one of them a favor, they insisted you bring your dog then insisted you leave him at their apartment, and then after warning them they need to supervise him they completely ignored you. i was ready to call you ta when i read the title, but you truly did everything right in this situation. you don’t owe them diddly squat anymore.

nta. you were doing your friend a favour accompanying her to the airport & they were all happy for koda to stay in the house even when you explained that she needed to be fully supervised. she’s an animal, it’s common sense that they get up to mischief if they are allowed!! you did your part by offering to fix what she broke, they are cutting off their nose in spite of their face to try and get new blinds out of you. if it was me i would buy the repair supplies, leave it at their door and tell them to stop contacting you :)

125vh0d

aita- lodger charging electric car

so, i rent a couple of rooms out, all bills included, to work colleagues, one of whom has left the company & is commuting for work now. he was spending roughly £500 a month on fuel. he has recently sold his car & bought a fully electric car. i am only around 50% of the time, so not always at the house. now, he has not mentioned this, or asked permission etc, which is not really an issue, except my electric bill has tripled in two months. today, i broached the subject & asked him for a small monthly payment (£50) to cover the huge increase in electric usage, backed up with all the data from the energy company highlighting the massive usage increase. he has refused to accept that this is being caused by him charging his car overnight, & is saying he is on the breadline & can’t afford to pay any extra. i raised the point that he no longer has a fuel bill, but that also fell on deaf ears. am i being reasonable not expecting to have to pick up his fuel bill?

nta

nta. he can either pay for the energy he's using or he can stop charging his car there altogether. if he can afford to buy the car he can afford to charge it.

nta. tell him he can't charge his car on premises. that's what my last landlord did for a tenant who switched to all-electric. the tenant still saved money, but not nearly as much as if they'd fobbed it all off on the landlord.

125vsuq

aita not returning a neighbor's dog after she disappeared for months?

my neighbor "sally" and i got along fine enough and would help each other with small things sometimes (i.e. get packages), but not close enough to be friends or hang out. many months back she had approached me and asked if i'd be willing to help watch her dog for her while she was on vacation. i knew that she had taken in a stray a few weeks prior, but the dog never had any issues so i said "sure". i already have a dog so i'm familiar with them and sally said she'd venmo me money for food and care. on the day she was supposed to return, she never came for her dog. i waited a few days before going next door and ran into her brother who said that she wasn't on vacation, but actually *moved* back to their home county. i tried to contact her, but she ignored me. at first it was because she had only paid me to watch her dog for 2 weeks, but after a month passed i was genuinely confused and concerned. i dm'd her on social, and even though she was actively posting, she never responded. i didn't feel like her life was in danger though since her posts seemed to be updating in real time of her doing fun things. i ended up having to take sally's dog to the vet for a check up (he ended up being fine) and while there, the vet actually let me know that the dog wasn't microchipped. it had already been several months at this point, so i decided to claim ownership. lo and behold, sally appears on my doorstep and wants her dog back. at that point, i said no. i had been paying for the dog's upkeep and he was now part of my family. she also never responded to my messages. even if something happened back home, all she had to do was let me know. but i told her that since she just ghosted me for months then she forfeited her right to the dog. especially since she never registered or microchipped the stray. my vet says it'll be hard for sally to prove she has rights to the dog because she has no paperwork to show she cared for the animal (never took the dog to the vet). my bf thinks i'm an ah though because *technically* the dog was sally's pet first even if i've not technically "owned" the dog longer than sally has. we're in a feud now so i just want to make sure i'm in the right.

nta

nta 1. she lied to you. 2. she abandoned her dog 3. she didn't respond to your many many messages 4. she wasn't back home for something bad that happened, she was all happy posting things having fun.

nta. the dog would be dead if you hadn’t taken care of it. she’s a shitty dog owner and a shitty neighbour for doing this and going no contact. i would have dropped off the dog at the shelter, as would most. very kind of you to take care of it for so long and give it a home.

125w2sm

aita for feeling used and setting boundaries?

my friend's boyfriend of 10 years broke up with her 5 months prior to this story. i never intended to be more than friends, let alone catch feelings. we knew each other but we were not friends. she reached out the day after he broke up with her which was the first time i heard from her outside of work. we grew to be good friends over the months and i picked up her kids from school multiple times a week when she went back to school and would play with them, feed them, and watch them while she was in class. we saw each other 4 days a week, minimum. i told her about the feelings i developed. she said she needed to heal but for now couldn't be more than friends/didn't want a boyfriend. i was fine staying friends since i never went into this wanting or expecting more. a couple of weeks after this talk, the conversations we used to have on the couch after she put the kids to bed turned into her lying with her head in my lap and falling asleep while i rubbed her head. she would wake up and joke that she drools when she is aroused. something changed. i was sitting while the kids ate supper and she was in class. her son (6) asked me: "why have you never had a sleep over but sean is always sleeping here?" before i could even really process what i heard, her daughter (8) spoke up: "like, he was here last night, the night before, the night before..." i was over the night before. she rushed me out while the kids brushed their teeth because she said she needed to study and couldn't have distractions. i was understanding of it and left without a fuss. when they brought it up i felt like shit. like all the stories of being lonely, the stories of going to bed alone every night, having no one around, the wishing that she had some help to get them ready in the morning, everything just felt like she was putting on a show. she had avoided telling me about times she spent with sean before and would make up stories about being stuck inside all weekend and how bored the kids had been. meanwhile, i would see them all together at the park while i was out walking. when she finished class, i told her that i was going to head out and was sorry that i wouldn't be hanging out longer. i needed to cool off. the next day i explained that i felt like she was giving mixed messages and that i was being taken advantage of by giving my time energy to care for her kids while this other guy would just come in after the bar late at night to sleep with her. she told me that she "would have loved to ask me to stay the night many times but we both know it would have been more than a sleepover". i told her that saying things like that made me even more confused and i didn't care who she slept with, but we would need to have a less physical relationship going forward. she said i was a jerk for not understanding and trying to set boundaries on how we interact. also that sean was here before me and would be after me. we've barely spoken since. aita?

nta

she used you for childcare and comfort. sorry, dude. nta. stick to your boundaries.

nta but those kiddos had your back and that’s kind of adorable

125wd4i

aita for telling my aunt i never want to see her again?

context i (15f) have been very close to my grandparents (72m and 67f) since i was born however last june my grandad was diagnosed with alzheimer’s, now he can’t remember who anyone is but has still tried to understand. my aunt (32f) has recently been very possessive over him and has been lying to him about who he was, a couple of days ago it has come to light that she was telling him that they were in a committed relationship for the past 5 years and has been having some time alone with him leading to special treatment if you get what i mean… when i found out i was in shock and whenever i came around i blew up on my aunt and told her that she has ruined our family and i never want to see or speak to her again, my granny however told me i am being too harsh and is telling me that she has already forgiven her. some of my cousins have been telling me that i am being a horrible person and this is making me second guess my reaction so… amita?

nta

nta. this is elder abuse. you should report it to the proper authorities. truly, if she is doing this than there may be more you don’t know about. as i don’t know your location i cannot tell you where to report it to, but please do.

hold up … this is your aunt? as in your grandfather’s daughter?? as in, this is biblical-level incest???? nta; the rest of your family is sick

125weez

wibta for asking a boy’s family for an item that he borrowed from me before he died?

so i’m 14/m, and almost three weeks ago i let a boy in one of my classes at school borrow my sweater. he said he’d give it back to me after his mom did laundry, but unfortunately a few days after this happened he was killed in a bad car accident. obviously i knew it wasn’t okay to say anything before his funeral, but now that it’s been a couple of weeks i’m wondering if it would be okay to go to his family and ask them for my sweater? the main reason that i’m not sure if it’s okay to ask is because i’ve never met his family at all and i don’t think they even know who i am, i knew this boy from being in school together but we weren’t friends or anything. i did ask my older sister for advice but she said that if it were her, she just wouldn’t ask because she would be worried about upsetting the boy’s family. and i do agree that if it was just any random piece of clothing i wouldn’t bother asking at all, but this is a sweater that i got on an important trip and it has the name of the place where i stayed so i do care about getting it back. i only let him borrow it because it was an emergency. so wibta?

nah

nah, but you have to ask in the right way. "i knew x from school, and was upset to learn what happened. i loaned him a sweater a while ago, and when you get around to going through his things, i'd like to get it back. it holds memories for me. i'm not in a hurry, and understand if you're not ready to do that yet. it looks like y."

firstly, i am sorry everyone is basically jumping down your throat for even asking this question, personally i think asking for other opinions shows a lot of respect and empathy for the situation. that being said, don't approach the family. talk to your parents first. if they can replace the sweater that would really be the best case scenario, if they can't replace the sweater they can help you maybe think of an alternative or barring all other options, they will be able to navigate the process of attempting to get the current sweater back and likely a lot easier than you would alone. nah - especially not you for wanting it back but tread carefully with as much empathy and compassion as possible. eta - changed verdict to nah

125wf12

aita for telling my cousin that i won’t be attending his wedding if my girlfriend is not invited?

so my girlfriend (23f) and i (25m) have been dating for about 4 years. when i first introduced her to my friends, i noticed that she was getting along really well with my cousin, dan (25m). they had a similar sense of humor and common interests. seeing my girlfriend challenge him to a shots competition and get him drunk on tequila was the highlight of our first new year’s together. it made me really happy to see them become friends, since me and dan are very close as well. dan started dating joana (24f) a year and a half ago, and they got engaged last december. he called me last week and asked me if i wanted to be the best man at his wedding. obviously i said yes. while we were talking, i mentioned how excited my girlfriend was for them and the wedding. that was the moment when he got quiet. i asked him if something happened, and he said that he and joana decided to have a small wedding, with only family and close friends, and that no partners were allowed if they were not married or at least engaged. i got angry and asked how they could even think of this rule without taking our relationship into consideration. dan told me that while he wanted my girlfriend there, if they made an exeption for us, then other people would expect it as well, so there was nothing he could do. when i told my girlfriend about what happened, she was visibly hurt. so 2 days ago i texted joana and asked her if she dan discussed about our ‘situation’. she said that she doesn’t want a stranger at their wedding and that she doesn’t consider her family, regardless of how serious our relationship is. i snapped and told joana that most of dan’s family (therefore mine) see my girlfriend as part of the family more that they see her, since she didn’t bother to build relationships with relatives other than dan’s parents. well, joana got mad and told my cousin about what happened. he called me an asshole and told me that i have to apologise if don’t want to be replaced as best man. i told him to do it, because i won’t be attending the wedding if my girlfriend isn’t invited. dan hasn’t spoken to me since and my girlfriend keeps telling me that i should just apologise, because she doesn’t want to be the reason why i don’t have a relationship with my cousin anymore. aita?

nta

nta a wedding invitation is not a summons. they are free to make their choices, but you're also free to decline the invitation. what the heck kind of earth shattering flood of plus-ones are they expecting at an already small wedding? that's the flimsiest excuse i've ever heard. this would be reasonable if you'd just met. this might even be reasonable if you were a regular guest... however, you've been with your girlfriend for 4 years! and you're the best man! not allowing her to come is specifically callous. they're literally saying "it's her or us", and your girlfriend is clearly the winner simply by not picking the fight. they know her, she's not a stranger. but they're choosing to treat her like one. and if they lose her, and you by extension, that's the choice they made. the groom's shame and reluctance at even bringing it up screams two things to me: 1) he knows it's wrong 2) this was the bride's decision (jealous, maybe?) keep your heart open, but you're not the one started putting rifts in your friendship. dan is. you tore it up further by insulting the bride. let this go it's natural course. you may love dan, but you'll never be able to compete with his bonnie bridezilla

"she doesn’t want to be the reason why i don’t have a relationship with my cousin anymore." she isn't. joanna is. calling someone a stranger because you haven't bothered to get to know them? i'll bet the guest list will consist of joanna's family and friends, and on dan's side his parents and siblings (if any). or you'd get there and find out that some people had plus ones, just the people joanna approved. i think you were right to stand up for your girlfriend, though your relationship with dan will probably be a casualty of his relationship with joanna. which would probably have happened sooner or later anyway, given her attitude towards dan's family, nta.

125wk06

aita for not letting another car merge

this is somewhat difficult to describe, so please forgive me. i am a truck driver and i pull double trailers. i was on the freeway, going 65 mph, in the right-most lane. my exit is coming up in one mile. this exit has two lanes. for me, exiting is optional, but there is also an on ramp onto the freeway, and their lane must exit, if they do not merge. so now there is a new lane to my right and cars are merging onto the freeway around me. there is a car, with their blinker on, directly to my right. i slow down to let them merge, but they match my speed and slow down as well. at this point, i am unable to speed back up, as i'm about to take the next exit, and i'm also loaded, so my acceleration is abysmal. the gentleman to my right is going to have to exit as well as there's no where for him to go. he proceeds to give me the finger. moments later, him and i are next to one another other at a stop light. i roll down my window and ask him why he didn't speed up. he tells me that it's illegal to overtake a vehicle that has the right of way and he says i didn't have to be a dick. i tell him that he needs to match the speed of traffic and that merging is a two-way street. he then pulls out his phone, to record me i presume, and says that he is going to report me. he also mentions that i need to learn to drive. i thought i was being courteous by slowing down so he could enter the freeway, but i guess that makes me a dick? i'm assuming my actions were correct, but to be sure, am i the asshole?

nta

nta, at all. when merging you speed up to match the speed of traffic. if you find yourself next to another vehicle, you either speed up or slow down to find a spot to complete the merge. he chose not to speed up and didn't slow down enough. heavy loads accelerate and stop more like a naval vessel than a 911. you didn't do anything wrong. your obligation is to safely navigate the roadways. more nimble vehicles need to put their relative agility to good use.

nta. you weren't a dick. it's his job to merge in and yield to you. throughlanes have right of way, even if you aren't immediately exitting, and practically speaking big rigs do as well if you aren't a dick. my little car is way more maneuverable and will lose any accident i get into with you, regardless of driver fault. either he speeds up or he slows way down, even slower than you. ideally, he should have been watching traffic as he approached and never ended up right beside you.

125wo9p

aita for going to visit my dad's mother

my mom and my dad's mother have a tough relationship. they actively don't like each other and mom always tells me how terrible she is, that she doesn't care for her children(my dad included) and that she's full of lies. i don't think i've actually personally seen her doing anything that would show she hates mom or any of us, i think she just has an unusual character. mom has told me that, when i was little, she would ask my dad's mom to take care of me and my little brother when they were really busy and weren't able to do so themselves. she would say she can't at the moment but she would take care of her other grandchildren. i have to clarify that i do remember her taking care of us at least a few times, just so you have full context. so, mom hates her. a lot. dad knows about that but he still lover his mom and it's very hard for him, as my mom can't even stand listening to stories about her or seeing her and immediately starts insulting her harshly in front of him. half an hour ago she entered my room and told me that dad will probably ask me to go visit her tomorrow with my brother and that she wants me to decline. i said i don't know about that and that i think it's a bad idea to just leave him and demonstrate how i, too, don't like his mother which is basically lying. (i have nothing against her and don't wish her bad, despite my mom's hate for her) she just said i should do whatever i choose and exited the room. a few minutes after she came to me again and told me she's sorry for telling me do that. i was pretty relieved because i thought she'd be mad at me for not siding with her. she then continued, saying how "she just can't understand because if she had to go see someone who's humiliated her mother, she would never do that. that shows that she loves them and she would never let them think she has any respect or love for them. she would feel betrayed if i went but i should still do what i think is best.". i told her i love her and i don't want to hurt her but i also want to go for dad because otherwise he would be hurt. i feel like she manipulates me into doing what she wants and i feel terrible. i don't want to make my dad sad at all and i really don't mind visiting his mom with him and my brother. but what she just told me makes me feel incredibly bad for thinking of going and i don't know what to do at all. i don't want to betray anyone and i feel like whatever i choose, someone will be very hurt. so aita for telling her all that and what's the right not asshole-ish decision?

nta

nta your mom was being passive-aggressive and guilt tripping you (go but it will be betraying your mom - geez). it's not right that you're being out in this position but unfortunately parents are perfect and sometimes their actions)words suck. i vote for with your dad, develop your own relationship with your grandma, and refuse to discuss gma with mom or vice versa. if you hear gma make negative remarks about mom - or vice versa, just tell her you can't listen to that and leave the room. it's hard but with practice doable. (i dealt with similar with my mom and her sister - i loved both despite their disputes.)

nta. your mom is guilt tripping you for not doing what she wants. info: how old are you and what did your grandma do to make your mom hate her so much? also paragraphs make it much easier to read here: my mom and my dad's mother have a tough relationship. they actively don't like each other and mom always tells me how terrible she is, that she doesn't care for her children(my dad included) and that she's full of lies. i don't think i've actually personally seen her doing anything that would show she hates mom or any of us, i think she just has an unusual character. mom has told me that, when i was little, she would ask my dad's mom to take care of me and my little brother when they were really busy and weren't able to do so themselves. she would say she can't at the moment but she would take care of her other grandchildren. i have to clarify that i do remember her taking care of us at least a few times, just so you have full context. so, mom hates her. a lot. dad knows about that but he still lover his mom and it's very hard for him, as my mom can't even stand listening to stories about her or seeing her and immediately starts insulting her harshly in front of him. half an hour ago she entered my room and told me that dad will probably ask me to go visit her tomorrow with my brother and that she wants me to decline. i said i don't know about that and that i think it's a bad idea to just leave him and demonstrate how i, too, don't like his mother which is basically lying. (i have nothing against her and don't wish her bad, despite my mom's hate for her) she just said i should do whatever i choose and exited the room. a few minutes after she came to me again and told me she's sorry for telling me do that. i was pretty relieved because i thought she'd be mad at me for not siding with her. she then continued, saying how "she just can't understand because if she had to go see someone who's humiliated her mother, she would never do that. that shows that she loves them and she would never let them think she has any respect or love for them. she would feel betrayed if i went but i should still do what i think is best.". i told her i love her and i don't want to hurt her but i also want to go for dad because otherwise he would be hurt. i feel like she manipulates me into doing what she wants and i feel terrible. i don't want to make my dad sad at all and i really don't mind visiting his mom with him and my brother. but what she just told me makes me feel incredibly bad for thinking of going and i don't know what to do at all. i don't want to betray anyone and i feel like whatever i choose, someone will be very hurt. so aita for telling her all that and what's the right not asshole-ish decision?

125wok9

aita for not giving a homeless man food?

so i (18m) went to macdonalds to by myself lunch, i've not got too much money atm, so i was only going to get a burger and fries. a homeless man walked in and came up to me. he asked me to buy him something to which i politely declined due to me not having any money. he looked upset but walked away. i saw him ask evryone in the macdonalds, i felt bad for him but i continued to order my food. he came up to me again and asked for me to please order him something. this time i decided i would so i told him i would get him a small burger. he stepped in front of me and began to order a burger, fries, drinks, apple pie and loads of other stuff. i was telling him that i wouldn't be getting him that as he was ordering and to get something off the saver menu but he continued. once he had finished, he stepped back then just pointed at the screen and motioned for me to pay. i told him he was taking the piss and that i wouldn't be buying him anything now. he told me to fuck off and walked away. i told my gf and she agrees it was weird. i feel like an a hole though because he really did look hungry. aita? (exuse the bad grammar english isn't my first language)

nta

nta - beggers can't be choosers.

nta - he's quite literally a choosing beggar -- and there's a sub for that! he took advantage of your generosity.

125wstj

aita for telling my sister to take her niece?

i've [26f] been watching my sister's [34f] niece for the past three months after her mother was arrested for racketeering and homicide. i was supposed to only be watching her until my sister could get a flight out and a place to stay until the trial (kid can't leave the state for some reason). about a month in i told my sister to not worry about finding a place immediately because i didn't mind having the kid around. the other night i asked my sister if she still needed a place since i was moving into my girlfriend's house and my lease wasn't up until december. i reminded my sister i was only doing this because she promised to fly out and take the kid. we got into an argument and she said i was being inconsiderate about how difficult it was to move from wales to america and that it would disrupt her work. my sister is a one percenter and works for our parents (yay nepotism). idk, i don't think i'm being unreasonable here. she has the means and i have a place for her. the kid isn't my niece. aita?

nta

nta you've been extremely kind to take this girl in for as long as you have. your sister is taking advantage at this point. but unfortunately as long as you don't draw a hard line in the sand (such as surrendering girl to child protective services, which i totally get would be super hard to do), i'm willing to bet your sister just keeps delaying. i'd also be willing to bet this isn't the first time big sis has taken advantage of you.

nta so it "would disrupt her work" but it's fine when it disrupt your life?

125wu3h

aita for telling my (f30) friend (f31) that it’s time to grow up?

i love my friend (sasha) to bits but she can be really fucking annoying. she has a boyfriend but no kids (she doesn’t want any) and she’s always busy (excuses). i’ll ask her to go down to a pub in the afternoon and she’ll be like “no, i can’t, i have drum class” or “no, i wish i could but i have spanish class”. like come on, give me a break. i got fed up with it and told her, she’s an adult and it’s time to grow up and leave school behind. no one will punish her if she misses a class. she told me she’s paying for them and she enjoys them. i told her it’s time to grow up and stop trying to relive her school years. she told me i was an asshole and stopped replying to my messages. i told my other friends and some agree with me, saying she’s a bit stuck up (she does have a high paying job whilst i’m working in tescos). but my sister told me to leave her alone, she’s always been a geek and i know how she is. i feel bad, i might have been a bit harsh with her, she does meet mw for coffee, etc but it really annoys me when she won’t join me at a pub even once a month. aita?

yta

you're both in your thirties, she's trying to learn new things and be responsible about her obligations and you want her to ditch them and get drunk with you. yeah, one of you needs to grow up but it's not her. yta

yta: you're whining your friend want day drink with you, and you claim she's the one who need to grow up

125wuim

aita for saying “i’m not here to think” when my brother asked me what i thought about going to budapest?

i know i was being passive aggressive here but a few weeks ago i had a fight with my husband. it was bad enough that i honestly wanted a divorce at that point so i went to see my family but they sided with my husband and heavily implied i was born to be a housewife and that my focus should be on making my husband happy and not having silly ideas in my head. the thing is i’ve grown up knowing that being a housewife is what my parents expected of me but they’ve never been so dismissive of me before so it still hurt. my brother agrees with them so i’m still angry with him too. his wife wants to go to budapest with me and my husband. my brother asked me what i thought about going and since i’m still angry with him i responded that i wasn’t here to think. he told me to stop being petty and said my husband would care if i wanted to go or not so i needed to let them know if i did now. i made a comment about how my husband only cares about me looking pretty. he said there was no point talking to me because i was acting immature. when my husband got home from work he told him what i said which i feel like he only did to cause issues. he’s asked me a few times since if i want to go to budapest with them and i’ve been giving him similar responses which is irritating him. yesterday, my sister-in-law asked me herself and said my brother told her he didn’t understand how my husband could stand me and he was making comments about how ungrateful and annoying i am. aita

nta

i wouldn’t want to go anywhere except to divorce court with *any* of them. why don’t you do that? everybody will ultimately be happier and your husband can go get himself a stepford wifey. nta

you’re not here to think, or write, or complain. just to look pretty. if that’s the case, give them a picture and leave. nta for being a human.

125x1ez

aita for not calling my stepmother my "other mother"?

i (45f) like my stepmom. she and my dad married after my parents split up when i was in my late teens. my siblings and i never lived with her as we were all out of the house, but she had a kid from her previous marriage that my dad helped raise. she has often said that she doesn't like the term "step.". she feels it has a negative connotation. i have told her that it doesn't feel that way for me. i'm comfortable with it because it's actually the correct term. she has often asked me to call her my "other mother," which i have never agreed to since my mom is amazing, and i feel no need to put my stepmother (who didn't raise me) on her level. it's a way of respecting the mother who did the hard work of raising me. i don't see it as a way of debasing my stepmother. recently, she asked me not to use "step," so i introduced her to my friend using her actual name. she freaked on me (in public), and an argument ensued. she said i should call her my parent, my other mother, anything but a stepmother. but i find that i cannot bring myself to call her those names. it really doesn't feel right. am i the asshole here?

nta

nta introduce her as your father's wife then. she is being absurd.

nta. you're right. stepmother is the correct term, not a slur. if she has such an issue with it then she should seek therapy to find a way to manage her issues without trying to control you.

125x1v2

aita for making my mom feel depressed and unapprecisted for not doing enough around the house?

tldr in the end my mom already didnt feel good mentaly and thats partly my fault though idk what i did, i think its because im depressed and sometimes spends the day in bed. but it all god worse a few weeks ago when i came out to her. it kinda started with an argument where i tried to defend queer people and then to make a point my mom asked me if i was queer to which i said yes. after that she went on how i do barely anything around the house (without her telling me) and she asked me what that was called because "everything has a label these days" and i said to big part its probably adhd to which she responded with "dont become a diagnose" and then went on how she never feels appreciated and it ended after that. now these past few weeks she have to big part stopped eating sometimes and she gets angry at me for no apparent reason at all, i think shes just always angry at me right now and want to make sure i know it. she have also told me after that she might have to stop working for a long time because of her mental health issues that i caused. her bf has also gotten to know everything and calls out 'idiot' almost every time hes outside my door. tldr: im destroying my moms mental health by being depressed and sometimes too tired to hide it, being queer and letting my adhd affect my life at all. so, am i the asshole? even though i know nothing i do will change how she sees me and nothing will make her love me again.

esh

" i have now realized i am the asshole, i should fix my brain and stop my adhd from doing anything and i will try to do whatever it takes to please my mom. even though i know nothing i do will change how she sees me and nothing will make her love me again." this sounds passive-aggressive af and i have no doubt that you don't mean any of it. esh. own your part of it.

esh your mom is being manipulative and her bf is being just plain rude. adhd is not a good reason to not help out.

125x4nh

aita for not buying my nanny kid a birthday present for their 1st birthday?

so i just lost my job over this and i’m really trying to figure out if it’s my fault. i am the nanny for a family who has a daughter that just turned one this past sunday. let’s call her aspen. i work for the family full time monday-friday and last week there really was no mention of her birthday coming up or any plans regarding it. on friday her mom came home with a couple of balloons and said they were having small get together over the weekend for aspen’s birthday. she didn’t invite me, which was totally fine because i didn’t really want to spend one of my days off over there socializing with them. everything was cool was i left on friday, we exchanged goodbyes, and that was that. monday arrives and i come to work and all is fine and well. that evening when i’m getting off aspen’s mom asks if she could talk to me for a sec. she then proceeds to tell me that she was disappointed that i didn’t have a gift for aspen on friday or monday. i was a bit taken aback and said that i didn’t know that was an expectation. she then said while it wasn’t an expectation she thought that me not having a gift shows that i’m not really connected with her child. i then explained to her that i’m on a pretty tight budget because of my life circumstances and i’m starting grad school in may so saving every extra penny i have is important to me. after that she said that she pays me well enough that i could have gotten her daughter something….i apologize and explained that my priority was taking care of her daughter and fostering her growth while i’m there but i didn’t think that i had to spend money on her. she got a bit red in the face and told me that i didn’t need to bother coming back. i asked her if this was based on my overall performance or the fact that i didn’t buy aspen a gift and she said that she was happy with my performance but that clearly i wasn’t caring or thoughtful because i didn’t get a gift. i knew she was happy with my performance based on past texts and comments but i really just wanted her to clarify because i was so shocked that she just went straight to firing me. that was monday and i’m still a bit pissed off about it. aspen and her family are wealthy and privileged and live in a million dollar home in one of the most desirable neighborhoods in my city. it seems a bit ridiculous to expect your nanny to come out of pocket when you can literally give your child everything and then some. it’s not like i make 6 figures or anything. i didn’t even buy myself anything for my birthday because of bills and preparing for school. maybe i’m wrong though, aita?

nta

nta. shitty people are shitty and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it. bummer for aspen that she’s gonna grow up with that as a role model

nta. sounds like she's entitled, rich, and spoiled. i also like how you weren't invited to festivities to foster that "connection" she speaks of, but you should spend your small salary on an already wealthy child to prove you are vested.

125x67b

aita for telling my friend that she stinks?

i am a 14 year old female who is turning 15 this week. i’ve know my friend for about 3-4 years. i met her when i was 11 in 6th grade. my friend we will call her violet (she is 15 turning 16 this year) has been smelling like straight b.o and period blood for the past 4 years. we are now in high school and people aren’t being nice about it. people are complaining that she smells terrible. this school is very bold because it’s an alternative school. people make fun of her for it but i recently told her that people are talking about it again and that i told her she should keep up with her hygiene. now i know when you go through puberty it can be hard to keep yourself clean because of the body changes. however this has been going on since 2019 and quite frankly im sick n tired of smelling the same smell. i was hanging out with her all day and she was following me everywhere and not even going to the classes she’s supposed to go to and lying and saying that she is in my class but she’s not (our school is very small and it was a sub so she didn’t know until she was taking attendance.) she was touching/tapping my shoulder and my hands all day and sitting next to me and now the smell is starting to rub off on me. my mom went to go pick me up instead of me going on the bus. i had an appointment and i was using her phone for the appointment because my phone died and i was the only person in the car. school was ending in like an hour so i would just go back to the appointment. apparently my hands smelt/my whole body like straight b.o which i didn’t notice because i’m probably nose blind to the smell. after when i was done i called my mom back into her car gave her phone back and proceeded to class. i came back an hour later and my mom was like “what is that smell!?” she yelled it pretty loud and i was scared if anyone heard her. i gave her an confused look and told me how did i smell bad if i took a shower this morning and that i smelt fine this morning. i replied and said “i don’t know.” when my mom dropped me off to my house i remember that it was probably violets stench attached to me. so am i the butthole for telling her? if you guys are wondering. yes i did tell her in private respectfully and told her to shower and put some deodorant on and some perfumes or something. but she told me that she doesn’t stink and denying the fact that she smells and honestly i think she’s nose blind.

nta

nta - if you have a school nurse or counselor you can discreetly mention it to, do so. they are usually better equipped to handle things like this. do you know anything about violet's home-life? i hate bringing it up, but refusing proper hygiene can be a red flag. regardless, mention it to the nurse.

if you did it in a nice way, nta what i would suggest is seeing if your school has a school nurse or counselor and speaking to them. maybe they could run into her a few times and mention on the third time they notice a hygiene issue and was worried she needed some help. maybe she doesn't know how to properly clean or is living in a situation where the whole house is like that. she needs more help than you can give her, maybe an authority figure can convince her it's an issue or see if she needs assistance.

125x7go

aita for telling my wife i don't want to help her mother?

my wife called me at work to ask if she could spend money to rent a storage unit for one month because her mom would soon be evicted and needs somewhere to store her things. her mom's boyfriend is in jail, but he promised to pay me back with money he's expecting from a lawsuit. i told her no. the amount of money is modest and almost insignificant, but they've offered no collateral and there's always something going on with them. i have my own obligations to attend to. my wife's grandpa lives there and is on disability which i believe provides most of the income. my wife's sister and her boyfriend also live in the house and they have a baby less than a year old. there is another couple staying there too. in the household, there are currently five capable adults, one disabled elderly man. they've all been living without electricity for probably a month, the vehicles they have are either not legal or in poor condition, the city is about to disconnect their water and state authorities recently removed a former tenant who is a mentally retarded man in his 50s because of these issues. the elderly man doesn't work for obvious reasons, the sister is an erotic dancer, her boyfriend did work but i think his employment was terminated and the mother, her boyfriend and the other couple are also unemployed. i work, my wife does not and we have a two year old. i'm slowly rebuilding my credit after paying off all my debt, i've started investing small portions every pay period and i think i'll be able to pay off our house this year if i keep walking a straight line. my priority is living comfortably while securing a sound future for my family and i won't allow the poor decisions of other irresponsible adults to cause delays in my life. am i wrong to refuse to help?

nta

nta, but you and your wife need to have a conversation about boundaries and limits asap. this situation will be worse long before it gets better and if your wife isn’t on the same page, you need to know now.

nta. stand clear of that mess. it wouldn't end if you started helping. too many adults that can work.

125xh0d

aita for talking to my fiancé’s daughter about my sexuality?

i (27f) have been with my boyfriend (41m) for 2 years. 6 months ago, he moved in with me. he has a daughter (14f) with his ex-wife s (36f). i am bisexual and my only other relationship was a very long term relationship with a woman, we were together from ages 13-22 and we ended on really good terms and we’re still pretty good (if slightly awkward) friends. i have always been open with my sexuality with my boyfriend and after some initial insecurities about me being friends with my ex, he has no issues with it. neither does s. i made it clear that i am not looking to replace s in any way. my boyfriend’s relationship with s is a little rocky, but they’re civil and generally coparent very well. in the 6 months since we moved in together, i’ve spent a lot more time with s due to proximity as their custody is exactly 50/50. we’ve become quite good friends and sometimes we hang out together or grab coffee, or she invites me to do things with her and their daughter on her days if it’s something she thinks we’d all enjoy. recently, their daughter had a run in her school’s production of macbeth. she played lady macbeth. i’m scottish and also an english teacher, so i was very excited. i had originally planned not to go on opening night because s and my boyfriend had planned to go, and the 3 of us would go again the next day so i could see it. however, my boyfriend had to stay late at work. he texted me that he had already called their daughter. i decided to go with s (and also went to most other shows). afterwards, after their daughter had gone to bed, s and i were talking about exes in my kitchen, which their daughter overheard while coming for a glass of water. 2 days ago their daughter came to me on a night boyfriend was working late and we were waiting for s to pick her up and have dinner with us. she asked me questions about how i knew i liked women, what it was like. i answered honestly. if i’m honest i think she asked because she’s questioning herself. my boyfriend lost his mind when he found out. he was screaming at me for overstepping boundaries, how i don’t know what their parenting strategy on things like that are. how i have to run future conversations like this by him first. i had no idea it would be such an issue since he is okay with my sexuality. he asked me to leave, and i have been sleeping on s’ couch for 2 days. she says she has no problem with it. i have no idea what i did wrong, my boyfriend is acting like i’m some sort of terrible person. aita?

nta

nta. boyfriend is a major asshole, though. makes me wonder if he's some kind of religious fanatic -- there's a lot of that about. sounds like s is not the source of this, so what exactly is his major malfunction? you did right to answer the kid honestly. far too many people think it's ok to lie to kids. it's not. they always know they are being lied to, and distrust that person afterwards.

she asked a question, you gave an answer. what were you supposed to do? brush her off? as long as it was an age appropriate answer, you’re nta. it sounds like your bf is homophobic.

125xi0j

aita for making my daughter keep her car at her mom’s due to my allergies?

my daughter got a pet cat from her mom for her birthday. she insisted the cat can stay with me so she can see him after school even though she’s well aware of my allergies. my daughter is too and she said told her he would have to stay with her because i’m allergic. her mom has her during the weekends and me the weekdays. my daughter is fine with the cat staying with her mom, if anything she would rather have him on the weekends so she says 2 full days with him rather than just after school. my wife was majorly against the cat staying with her and she got mad at me for saying i can’t. she’s says she’s to busy during the week. i told her it should ultimately be up to our daughter but she is saying i’m only saying that because she’s siding with me. aita?

nta

nta. mom bought the cat. mom gets to keep the cat at her house. allergies or not, mom made a financial choice and needs to be the one to pay for it.

nta her mum got the cat, knowing that you are allergic. she can take care of it.

125xih0

aita for asking for support from the only member family that actually raised me?

i (22) live with my grandma (86). long story short: my parents got divorced when i was young. my father moved to his mother's. me and my brother moved with him but were raised by our grandma. i completed high school when i was 18, at that time i was already strugling with anxiety and some self destructive toughts, which got a lot worse in 2020 when my brother passed away. it was hard for the entire family, the depression kept me from doing anything. my grandma is on a bad monetary situation (my grandpa left a pension). i understand it and respect it, but everytime i need to ask for something, it turns into a big argument. she says that doesn't have money to spare, and that we are in a rough situation, but it don't stop her for lending money (that never is paid back) to my father and uncle, fully grown working adults (50-60 years old), she gives them something between r$1,500 and r$2,000 every month, plus other expenses. my mom sends me r$100,00 every month (\~$20,00), which isn't much. my father don't do anything, and don't seem to care. the things that i ask for my grandma are always in the range of r$50,00-r$100,00: a keyboard since mine is really old, and a used pc case, since my pc is 9 years old and gets really dusty, etc. what makes me sad isn't the fact that she is giving others money and not giving me, after all, she raised me, she gives me a roof and food. what makes me sad is the feeling that i am not important,that i'm nothing but a burden. she pays for my studies (it course, $36,00/month) and provides the things that i need at home, but always have to make me feel guilty saying she already pays for my education, and is the only one that cares for me. the last thing that i got for birthday/xmas was a pc (the same i have today) when i was 13. everytime it needs to be fixed it starts a discussion, since she is the one that have to pay for it. 2 years ago she gave my half sister (father's daughter) a r$6,000 pc (she was 8). this enviroment where i don't feel like a important human being makes my mental health feel really compromised. i know that this would be easily fixed by getting a job and moving out, but i really have no condition. i'm already overloaded with this it course (+2 years to go). i'm sure that more pression on me would not be good on my mind, but i can't stand to continue on an enviroment that makes me feel like shit. i always try to talk, i really love her and want her to see that i really need the things that i ask, but she just don't seem to care. so, am i the asshole for keeping asking for things, knowing that she will get angry and probably just say no? she is the only person that i have to ask for something, and i have no other way to get them. it's not a pointless discussion since sometimes (rarely) she gives me what i want (last thing was a lampshade, but with no lamp, this caused another discussion when i asked for one).

yta

yta. your grandmother is almost 90 yrs. when does she get to stop worrying about providing for you. you are old enough to balance work and school. millions of people do that every yr. it isnt always easy but people manage. it is sometimes difficult supporting oneself but it the right thing to do if the alternative is taking money from an 87yr old. honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself expecting your almost 90yr old grandmother to fund your lifestyle, while being a hypocrite &worrying about your grandmother paying things for other people there is no circumstance that would result in me asking my 87yr old grandmother to pay anything for me. i would do without it or get a job and buy it myself.

wtf, she’s struggling with money and you’re constantly asking for it? you’re 22. get a fucking job and stop being a parasite on the poor woman. yta.

125xj9b

aita - inheritance withheld from sister due to circumstances

my grandfather passed away and left my grandmother with a decently sized estate. after the dust settled from his passing, my grandmother gave myself, and my brother a "gift" from the estate of 10,000 each. my sister, on the other hand did not receive anything. this was by family decision overall (including our mother and father, as well as my grandmother). the reason for this is that she had just broken up with a long term boyfriend and was desperately trying to get him back, by any means possible. as a family we decided to not give her the money because we were certain that she would spend every dime of it trying to win back this man, whom she was honestly better off without. it was found out after the fact that he had been cheating on my sister with another woman, not for the first time, as well as both mental and physical. instead of giving her the money, we all agreed that my grandmother would put the money into a savings account of some sort, and just let it sit and gain interest until a time would come when my sister would need the money or until we were sure she wouldn't try and spend it out of desperation to keep a man who a) didn't want anything more to do with her and b) wasn't treating her right in the first place. flash forward and my sister is at my grandmother's place and she finds copies of the checks written to me and my brother. when she asked our grandmother where hers was she was told that it was decided to not give it to her at that time. also, during that time, my grandmother had been taken advantage of by several dishonest people, ranging from salesman to caretakers who took her money. at this point there was no more money to share with my sister, essentially making it to where my brother and myself were the only ones to receive anything from the estate. it turns out that my grandmother never put my sister's money aside and had spent or lost it in the interim. now, my sister holds me, and only me, responsible for this item, even though it was a family decision and even though my grandmother didn't follow through with the proposed plan as intended. all of that being said, aita

esh

esh for not protecting your grandmother from financial abuse.

esh - your family sounds like they like to control people. maybe she would have made a bad decision with the money, maybe she wouldn't have but you all collectively made it for her. what she does with her 10k shouldn't matter to you. i also doubt grandma was truly involved if she was able to be taken advantage of by multiple other parties and was just fed this advice from you and your parents. funny enough - your collective decision ended up with just as bad a result for your sister - a big fat $0 since none of you followed through with your grand plan. you sister needs to blame everyone here and not just you.

125xkn0

aita for kissing the same guy my friend kissed months ago?

obligatory throw away. my friend (26f) who lives many states away from me (26f) came to visit for a couple weeks. she was going through a rough patch with dating so i told her she is welcome to camp out at my place to heal and that my home would be hers. she and i have been friends since 8th grade so we go way back and i did consider her one of my closest and definitely my longest friend. while she was visiting, we started to hang out with another friend guy friend of mine. he (24m) i assume found her attractive so they kissed on new years and would subsequently hang out without me. i was 100% supportive of her doing whatever she wanted. she did continuously reiterate that she was not interested in him like that and was just hanging out as friends. she went back home in early january 2023. fast forward to two weeks ago, him and i continue to hang out and we both fall asleep on my couch and things got a bit physical. i ended up telling my friend that him and i are hanging out as more than friends and this news really upset her. i never would have imaged that a guy she claimed she didn't like is what ends our friendship. seeing how upset this makes her genuinely makes me mad. perhaps she liked him more than she led on. she said she would never do something like this to me, but my line is no going after my friends serious partners whereas her line i suppose is anyone she's ever kissed (even if it was once and he lives many states away). if the tables were truly turned and there was a guy i kissed in the past but pushed off as a friend, and my friend told me she was interested in him, i would 100% support her endeavor, not lay claim to a person who was never mine to begin with and tell her we need to reconsider our 13 year friendship.

nta

nta. if it was an ex from a serious relationship that would be a different story, but this a guy she kissed once and rejected. a 13 year friendship isn’t worth losing over a guy. you should sit down and talk it out with her.

nta she said she wasn’t interested in him like that. they only kissed and that wasn’t just yesterday. i would be so mad and disappointed in her for throwing away such a long friendship over a fling.

125xp5i

aita for fighting with my bf after he raised his voice at me?

i (25f) and my bf (27m) had a fight after he slightly raised his voice at me and then didn't apologise. i was driving us to a new place and i asked him to navigate, but he started navigating a little late and i asked him a couple of times because we were coming at a crucial turn, then he started telling me directions and i got confused and he raised his voice at me about one of the directions. i told him to not talk to me this way, but he just didn't say anything after that, no apology, so i stopped the car after a while and said i am not in the mood to go anymore as he doesn't feel like he's in the mood to talk to me or even apologise after being rude. he then said it's upto me to do whatever i want to, go or turn back. i started crying then (i'm a quick cryer) and i turned back and dropped him and went home he then called me and asked me to meet again in an attempt to resolve, but he kept pointing out how i'm also moody (i never raise my voice or snap at him) and that he doesn't say anything to me about it. he also said that it's his personality to snap or let out frustration sometimes when he's had a bad day, and that i was being irritating when i kept asking him to navigate, and that i'm not an understanding gf as i am not ready to understand and bear with it the problem is, he snaps at me a lot lately about small things, he doesn't raise his voice often, but he snaps at me in a disrespectful tone if he thinks i'm being annoying or doing something wrong. i told him that this is been happening a lot but then he gave me a fake apology saying that he's just not going to talk to me or meet me when he's having a bad day because i can't understand his frustration. i said i'd like to talk about it only if he's being respectful, but he doesn't understand and thinks its my fault that i'm so sensitive and not understanding aita for getting so mad at him and not trying to understand how his day was if he was snapping at me?

nta

nta. he needs to work on his emotional regulation and impulse control. but the fact that he‘s not even willing to acknowledge that it‘s a problem is a red flag.

buy him a stress ball to squeeze, as a goodbye i’m dumping you, have a nice life gift. he can mash it in his hand when he talks to his next gf. maybe he can learn to moderate his tone, but you don’t have to stick around and find out. nta

125xr68

aita for not going to my cousins wedding

for context, i lived in the south and last summer and moved across the country to get away from my family and start my own life. i did it to be with my girlfriend, but i haven’t come out to my family yet, they are very homophobic and controlling. my family likes to think i did it just to do it and in there words ‘abandon the family’ anyway, my two cousins who are my age are getting married within a month of each other. i work a seasonal job and it’s ending half a month before my favorite cousins wedding. i told my family that i’m unsure if all be able to attend hers because i need to get a job and keep it. though i am tend to come to the second cousins wedding. the cousins who’s wedding i might miss, is okay with this, she even provided me with a link so i can watch the wedding. but everyone else is being very mean about it… there making me feel like an asshole about it. i feel like the worst person on the planet just because i’m trying to live my life.

nta

nta. you have listed so many good reasons not to attend this wedding. consider just going nc.

nta - if your cousin is okay with it, i would ignore everybody else. having a job and affording your bills should absolutely be your priority. the people giving you shit are tas here. i moved across country 12 years ago, also to the south. my family gave me a lot of shit for a while but they eventually backed off. hopefully that will be the case with your family. i wish you luck.

125xrv3

aita taking my friend to a concert with tixkets i bought for me and my ex but ex texts me day before

before me and my ex broke up, i bought us both city morgue tix (vip) in december cause they are going on whats most likely their last tour. it was a christmas present but i didn’t transfer his ticket to him because he wanted to make sure he had the day off from work and i planned to do it the day of the concert. he also agreed to me not transferring till the day of!! he was already acting a little distant and cold when i came back from college to see him, but i assumed we were going to go together because i didn’t see the break up coming that soon. flash forward to mid january, he is being hella distant and acting mean and strange to me for no reason. i was going to talk to him in person since we are long distance the first week of february to get to the bottom of why he was treating me like this. the day i was going to see him, i get a text from his previous ex that he was flirting and trying to hook up with her, telling that he wishes i broke up with him, and that he was only staying with me so he could go to the concert and then end things after. she said she doesnt want anything to do with him because she is done and over him and she has a new bf. he also said he wanted to go fuck a bunch of girls and wouldnt care cause it will happen. i obviously broke up with him because of what he was saying and he also was texting other girls some out of bounds shit. he blocked me on everything after i called him out and we been in no contact for a month and a half. i invite my best friend the week after the break up to come with me instead, because i had the other ticket still and assumed that he didn’t want to even go because he blocked me on everything and didn’t try to negotiate going. today, my ex texts me out of the blue saying “uh, can i have my city morgue ticket”. mind you the concert is this saturday. i didnt respond because i want nothing to do with him for treating me this way. plus, i would be the one driving him because he doesnt have a car. what should i do? am i wrong for this? for clarification, my ex broke his side of no contact and asked for his ticket. i also do feel bad cause last august, when our relationship was good, he bought my suicideboys ticket which i begged him not to so the city morgue tickets was kind of my “pay you back” deal.

nta

>he texts me out of the blue saying “uh, can i have my city morgue ticket”. here's your answer. "no. i bought it for my bf and you are not that" nta.

block him enjoy the concert nta

125y1qu

aita for telling my sister that the world doesn’t revolve around her just because she’s a pregnant teen?

i have a twin sister (f18) who got pregnant a few months ago with her boyfriend. she’s always been more of the social/party type girl whereas i focus on my academics. recently, whenever i have an academic achievement to announce to my family, she starts throwing a fit and makes everyone focus on consoling her. i recently got accepted into an ivy league university, and i was planning to tell my family during dinner. as soon as i broke the news, my parents were excited but my sister began tearing up. she started crying about how she didn’t even get accepted into any colleges and has to take care of her child and how tough her situation is. my parents immediately jumped to consoling her. i was seriously sick of her bs. i told her that she’s not a victim and that i would really appreciate if she could stop being such a miserable bitch whenever i’m trying to share good news. i also said the world doesn’t revolve around her just because she’s a pregnant teen. she started screaming and going hysterical at this, and my parents were mad at me too. aita?

nta

nta- i'm with you on this one. she can suck it up and be happy for things you've achieved, everything isnt about her. and she is going to find out that when the baby arrives because suddenly everyone will be focused on the baby and not her.

nta obviously she's got a lot on her plate and a lot of it is thing she chose to do (have a baby). getting into an ivy league school is a huge deal, it's totally unfair for her to steal the spotlight during something like that, especially by crying like a child. seems like your family is enabling her too.

125y5fv

aita for not telling my husband his grandfather offered me his grandmother’s necklace?

my husband’s family disowned him after we got married but they reached out a year later to fix things when they realised he would keep choosing me over them. i encouraged him to speak to them again only because i knew it was hurting him not to. his grandfather offered me his late grandmother’s necklace when we first began speaking to each other again but i refused it because they hurt me too. i grew up around them and we dated for years before getting married so it was hard not to take what they did to heart and even though i knew my husband would’ve wanted me to accept the necklace, i couldn’t. i never told him but his grandfather recently did because he wants me to take the necklace again. i’ve refused to accept it again but my husband is upset with me for not telling him about his grandfather offering me the necklace because to him that means his family truly regretted what they did. he wants me to accept the necklace but i told him i would think about it mostly because i don’t want to argue over it again. aita?

nta

nta. so much drama. i'm sorry.

nta. they can’t just give you nice things and expect forgiveness. they have to go through the wrong they did and properly apologize and find a way to actually make it up to you. so far, it’s seems like their only tactic is offering a necklace?

125yfcw

aita for snapping at my sibling for refusing therapy?

my (21f) sister (18f) (we’ll call her s) confided in me last year that she went through some trauma. after months of debate i finally convinced her to tell our parents and take it further to the police. since she initially told me, i spent months trying my absolute best to support her and help her, but i am limited as i also have a house & toddler to care for. (my husband works very often so it’s mostly just me though he does help where and when he can). i have constantly had to communicate her issues to our parents as she refuses to tell them anything, and i did not mind at first but then it became a constant. she constantly messages me at the wee hours or the morning when i’m trying to sleep and my toddler sleeps in the crib next to me and i’m often exhausted from housework and childcare (i was working until recently). all of the while i tried to convince her to get the therapy so a professional could help her work through her issues as there is so much i can do to help her. well, yesterday it all came to a head. s messaged me ranting about how our mother (m) annoyed her for asking what she was doing in the bathroom as the shower was off (she worries as she knows s is going through a tough time and is worried she may be crying in the bathroom) and completely lashed out to me and insulted her, calling her a b!tch. i called her out on it as it was an innocent question, however she claimed she was depressed and self conscious. i told her once again to get the therapy and claimed “she wasnt a weak b’tch.” as someone who has gone to therapy twice i saw no shame in it and told her that, and that it wasnt necesary to insult our mother. then 5 mins later s msgs me again saying “she was fine” and how she’d been having mood swings. i lost it completelt telling her that was a sign that she hd too much pent up and she needs to stop being stubborn as not everyone can do anything with 0 help. i lost it and told m of the conversation and it broke her heart that she was insulted for a hard decision she hd to make. they have not spoken to me sknce yesterday and i am unsure of whether i have overreacted or whether it was justified. aita?

nta

nta, she is using you as her therapist. you have done everything you can to help her and you are not trained to deal with this. i would go low contact with her if she refuses to go to therapy.

feel bad for your sister for going through shit, but when she starts lashing out and taking it out on her family, then it sort of becomes redundant when she refuses to get help. nta, you aren't a therapist, she isn't your problem to take care of. she is an adult, and she needs to do what other adults do and learn to manage and cope with her problems.

125yhec

aita for moving away behind my parents back?

i'm now a 19f and i moved to massachusetts because i felt unsafe in my own house. in my last aita post, i was wondering if iwbta for moving to my boyfriend's house. we broke up, but he still accepted me with open arms. we see each other as siblings now, and i have someone else! :d anyway, a couple weeks ago, my granny called me to let me know she was helping me move out and to pack everything that i deemed important and grab important documents. which i did + my gaming pc that i worked hard on, and hid them in a place where no one will ever looked to find. why was i moving out? my mom never loved me like i thought she did, my dad was lazy and a coward to protect me, and my brothers treat me like dirt. they pressure me to get things done that would usually take a long time, i was yelled and scolded at for trying to be an adult or not doing things right the first try, and i was a scapegoat for everyone else's mistakes. early saturday morning, i woke up to my granny telling me she's 20 minutes away, so i got up, got on whatever clothes fit me, and waited, i felt like i couldn't breathe, and i never got that nervous before. when i got the go, i got my bags, and they arrived when i got my pc down. they had to involve police do they knew what was happening. they asked me questions, where i was gonna live, if i had my documents, and i was good to go. when i was far enough, i sent them a text and hours later, they responded. they basically said that i was the ah for doing this, that it was disrespectful, they could have helped me, they didn't know why i did this, etc etc. they did say they love me and that i have a safe life. it's been at least 2 weeks and i'm living a much happier and a safer life. i'm currently no contact with my mom, i was thinking going back in contact with my dad to see if i can repair the relationship, and so far, the only person who is on my side is my uncle greg, who lives with them due to disability. but i have to know, aita? i don't regret my decision, i just want opinions from others.

nta

nta. sometimes the best way to break away from toxic family is to rip the bandaid off and deal with the consequences later.

no one is ever an ah for living the life that makes them happy, as long as it doesn’t hurt others. nta good luck with your happiness.

125yjlj

aita for hopping into a friends' stream?

i would like to preface this that i have autism and bipolar disorder. it's not an excuse but maybe it can help explain some things. let me start where it began. i had friends i had known since high school, "ashley" and "rachel". during a party a couple years ago, i mistakenly assumed that ashley was trying to impress another person by tossing stuffed toys at me. at this point, my bipolar wasn't diagnosed so i blew up and i stopped contact. a few months ago, once i gotten medication, i realized my mistake and texted ashley that i was sorry, and it was messed up of me to do that. i thought we had reconciled since we talked a few times after that. on one of our hang outs, they showed me they streamed and told me to follow them. and i did, letting them know that they got a new follower. i'm guessing they didn't know that follower was me. i got busy and contact stopped until a month ago, i reached out with spotty replies then just silence. first, i assumed they were busy. then i assumed they didn't use the app i was talking to them with. this is where i believe i messed up. i hopped into their stream and said it was me, lilac. i go by another name, shawn, but i thought they would remember me by lilac. they replied and i assumed they knew it was me. i asked for their discord and hung out in the discord for a week. a day ago, i decided to let them know it was me again, using the shawn name. they went quiet and banned me on stream and discord. they texted me saying no one had their stream name and they didn't know how i got it and that i overstepped a boundary by going in there. they said that they were going to text me when they were ready but i messed up. i told them that i was sorry, that i thought they knew it was me, that they gave me their stream name. but that didn't matter, i told them i'll leave them alone. a few minutes later, rachel texted me that i was not her friend, and to leave ashley alone. that if they wanted to talk to me, they would. i just thought they wouldn't take the first step so i kept pushing. i'm pretty sure i'm ta but my friend and family doesn't think so. i don't know if was the autism because i couldn't see that they needed space. i need some outside opinions.

nta

nta in my opinion, but i have next to no knowledge or experience with autism or bp disorder. maybe a little pushy but i wouldn't say ah.

nta. tbh, i doubt they were ever your friends to begin with. sounds like they were trying to ditch you for a long while. you're better off moving on and never looking back.

125ypxn

aita for refusing to agree to any visitation?

i, 30f, have a child, 3yo. her biological father struggles with a mental health illness and quit taking his medication when i was about 6 months pregnant. within the first 5 months of our baby’s life, her father was arrested twice, both for domestics. it was a terrifying situation and sadly our child was there when things happened so i took the baby and left while we still could. he continued to message and call me and showed up at my door unannounced despite me telling him to leave me alone. i moved across the country to escape him and so i could sleep at night without fearing for our safety. i always maintained a close relationship with the father’s family and talk to them weekly and let them facetime the baby anytime they want. her father was sending child support in the beginning but then decided he didn’t want to pay child support for a child he didn’t get to see. he never called to talk to our child despite me telling him he could. he didn’t send birthday or christmas presents. he never messaged to ask how she was doing. he has told me over text about 15 times “find someone to adopt that kid because it’s faster than me signing my rights over.” last summer we were going to visit back home and when i tried to arrange a supervised visit for him(upon receiving proof he was on his medication) he told me that he wasn’t going to see our child and to never contact him again. randomly, at christmas he messaged me asking to see our child and i told him we weren’t in town, which was true. last week i decided it’s time for me to get our custody situation in writing and signed by a judge. when i asked him if he would sign a custody agreement giving me sole custody, he said no. now he wants a weekly call and monthly visit. he hasn’t seen our child in almost 3 years and has made no attempt to stay in contact with her. he has also gotten another police report for a domestic against his mother last year. i refuse to agree to any visitation considering his continued history of domestics and lack of being on his medication. i’m meeting with a lawyer next week to pursue sole custody with no visitation. so, aita?

nta

nta he's a violent ex-con who isn't paying child support. go to the courts, and make yourself the sole custodian over your child. your ex sounds like a violent and abusive man, and shouldn't be around kids. he's doing this all to hurt you. restraining/no contact order him, and get the court to give you custody.

nta, you're both better off without him in your lives. better no dad than a bad one.

125yqhx

aita for confronting my partner because of her inability to do things for me in any situation?

i am a lead school photographer. i work with over 500 children per day and i catch the kiddie sicknesses often. my partner is an independent contractor working from home as a graphic designer. i’ve had a really bad cold for about three days now. luckily for me, today was an easy reshoot day, so i only had to work from 6am to 1:30pm. we share a vehicle, and i always hesitate asking her to do anything because i know she gets lost in her work, and taking her away from her job breaks her creative concentration. this is also a pain point for me in the relationship because she claims to work from home to always have the flexibility to do whatever she wants at anytime, except when she has to do something for anyone but herself. i really feel like dogshit and asked if she could pick our daughter up instead. she got really miffed that i would even consider asking her to do anything at that moment and said “you want me to pick her up so you can sit around and play video games.” i wasn’t even doing anything other than decaying on our couch. i said “fine, what the fuck ever, i’ll pick her up, want me to make dinner too? i am sick of you telling me that your job allows for flexibility except for almost anytime that you don’t want to do anything. sick of this ‘on both sides of the fence’ bullshit with your availability, and before you had the job, i couldn’t ever rely on you to do anything for me then either, so it’s just bullshit excuses to me.” i’m the one who makes dinner every night. she attempted to apologize but then immediately went into defense mode justifying why she can’t do something for me yet again rendering the apology hollow. she always does this though. i have always felt like i can never, ever ask her to do anything and that she uses her profession as a shield whenever it suits her. doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, i have never ever felt like i can ask her for any kind of favor whatsoever if it involves her expending effort for anyone other herself. aita for putting words to my frustrations with our disparity with effort in doing things for one another?

nta

nta but sounds like you guys need counseling, not reddit.

nta. this is the complete opposite of a partnership. you have some deep, underlying issues.

125yv1r

wibta if i (22f) sold my pet turtle that i received as a gift?

i received a turtle (aquatic) a few weeks back as a birthday gift from one of my best friends i’ve known since childhood. she knows i’ve always had an interest in turtles and was going to get one when i was about 11 or 12 but just never ended up getting one. the only problem is, i would specifically only speak about tortoises, not turtles (i didn’t really like the aquatic ones tbh) — which she knew. i find tortoises more interactive and planned to get one when i moved out of my parents house and graduate college. another issue is i wasn’t mentally prepared to be a pet owner. i’m really busy with college and work essentially full time hours. i know it’s only been a few weeks but i feel as though i am not catering to raphael (the turtle name lol) as much as i could/should be. its even harder because my bedroom isn’t big enough for him (he has a huge tank that he lives in, but said tank takes up a good amount of space in my already tiny bedroom). it’s also tough because i feel guilty for not having as much interest in raphael because of the type of turtle he is and the fact that i was gifted this. it doesn’t help that i’ve already spent over $300+ on this turtle (i was essentially just gifted the turtle - nothing else). what do you guys think?

nta

giving a pet as a gift is a terrible idea, generally... and a pet that can live for a really long time is a massive commitment. nta. explain to your friend that you really appreciate the gift but you can't take care of the turtle the way it needs... maybe the friend will take it back? otherwise, try and find it a good home.

nta. pets are a huge commitment and should never be gifts. if you are not ready and don't want him, then it's best he goes to a home where he is loved and wanted. you are doing what's best for him. your friend will just have to understand.

125z098

aita for wanting my boyfriend to make an effort to sit at my families table - rascisme warning

here me out before you judge. my bf (m43) and i (f38) have a great and loving relationship since 5 years. we communicate well and respect each other a lot. we speak english as both of us have a mother tongue for very different countries (he moved to my country). only 1 issue... my brother (m41). he is a racist, narcissistic person and my total opposite. my grandmother loves my bf. she is the one who accepted him from day 1 and even they don't share a language, they show each other lots of friendship. my brother talked bad about my bf to my grandmother. lies and stupid shit, but enough to scare her and checking in on us. luckely, she chose our side and kept loving my bf just like before. my parents know about this and never told my brother off, which is the most disturbing part of the story. i do love my parents, they just can not talk about feelings or about my brother. my bf decided to never join my families table again. and i totally understand him. i don't force him to come with me on any occasion. so i do xmas alone one evening with him, one evening with my parents, ... and so on. i do not like it, but i get it and life goes on. my only problem is this... every year, my grandmother want to trow a birthday party. on this event, she want s her whole family to attend. up till now, we could avoid it, by organising something small at our place for example, but this year she s 100 years old and wants the whole family to be there together. she will be heartbroken if my bf doesn't come, but she also wants my brother to join. i never want to make her choose between her grandson and my bf especially at her age. so i am now trying to convince my bf to come to this party (he doesn't even have to sit at the same table as my brother). but to his opinion, this is forcing him into a situation he feels attacked in. aita for making a fight over this?

yta

yta. why should your boyfriend spend time in any room with your brother? your brother is a racist, you condone his racism by continuing to go to events that he is at. you have two options, go to the party without your boyfriend or be a better person and tell your grandmother exactly why you won't be going to events that your brother is at.

you celebrate christmas separately with your family - and your racist brother - leaving your innocent bf alone so you can see the racist plus the family that enables or at least is neutral about his beliefs? and now want your innocent bf to celebrate an event with your racist brother? he's right - you are forcing him into a situation, and he does not have to go. your brother is a racist. he can apologize and do better, and maybe your bf will go, or he can continue on, and your bf is 100% within his rights to avoid him. so yes, yta for fighting your bf and telling him to be at an event with his insulting, racist bully.

125z1s9

aita for getting my sister a nice gift?

this situation involves my girlfriend sarah (29) and my sister cara (22). we're from the uk to add context. sarah and i have been dating for 5 years now. she was at the party when cara turned 18 when i helped pay for her first car. i thought it was appropriate since 18 is a huge deal and cara just passed her test a couple months before. i've always been close with my sister (family issues that aren't relevant) and seeing the surprise on her face was worth it when she realised she could afford a secondhand mini with our dad's contribution and her own savings. we hadn't discussed at the time but after, sarah and i agreed that our gift-giving money was not included in our shared finances. i'm quite frugal, have a well paying job and various investments so i have a lot of free money. sarah, less so. she comes from a lower background, likes to splash out on her hobbies and doesn't have a lot of savings on top of what she makes at her job. now, cara had just turned 22 a few days ago and i decided to spring for a mac pro. i used one of my bonuses i had put away and cara works hard. she just started working for a graphic design firm and has also been doing freelance things on the side through her degree. i thought this would be nice as a joint-graduation gift also (i only got her a celebration cake for that). i know she's been looking at new laptops - oft asking our dad on what to buy. this would be a huge upgrade for her and i know she would love it and get proper use out of it. she was very grateful and the cost was 100% worth it. sarah is upset with me for not telling her about wanting to get her such a gift and then going one step further to buy it. admittedly it was expensive but i had the spare money and i think cara deserves it. i reminded sarah that we did not share gift-giving expense and maybe if she put some money away, she could also afford to gift things like that to her loved ones. we're arguing because she said that it was too expensive of a gift for a 22 year old and that big purchases should be talked about ("it could buy a holiday", "we could put that toward a house", "what about saving for our future kids") and again i told her it wasn't my fault she spends her money travelling with friends and that i choose to save. there's room for promotion at my job so i will make even more money that we can put toward things like that. she thinks i'm rubbing her smaller budget in her face when she has been interviewing and applying for higher paying jobs but finding no success. was it that wrong of me to buy my sister an expensive gift?

nta

nta. like obviously you should be able to buy your sister what you want? but you guys should talk about it if it's making her upset. maybe she feels like you don't do nice things for her, or that you're not thinking about your future together?

yikes! if she blows her money on hobbies, she has no right to even question you about how you spend your private money. you guys came to an agreement about shared finances and separate money. not her call and for her to try to commandeer it now is bs. you aren't rubbing anything anywhere (at least according to this narrative....) she is blowing her money then wanting yours. not cool. nta.

125z3tq

aita for telling a girl everyone hated her after she outed and bullied me?

i (14 non-binary) am only out to a select few people in my school as a non-binary, aromantic. those are my friends and people i know will support me. that includes other kids and a few teachers. so i get bullied for this as it is pretty normal in british high schools and people start then they stop, and sometimes they start again but i've become desensitised to it. so this girl doesn't like me, she calls me emo and a freak a lot but that's normal. however, she has started to take jabs at my weight because i'm apparently 'weigh so much' when i have been told by her friends that i look underweight in a caring ' please eat' way. also a few weeks ago she told me to just start being normal. and she explained that for that i should choose to wear skirts for school and start hanging out with girls more and grow my hair out but get the front cut. one of the last things she didn't say out loud but she handed me a note saying that i should quote "stop being so boyish. no one likes you like that. also you are a girl act like one, being trans is fake, and get a boyfriend." this was just sad. i had never told her and my rule was if i told you i was trans you would take it to my coming out date. i gave her the note back and told her i wasn't a stereotype and i wasn't gonna do what she said. this was apparently a bad choice as i notice one day that my non-binary charm was gone from my bag and an hour later one of her friends asked if it was mine and told me that the girl took it. then she took my planner and started telling everyone my name was ash. that is my chosen name as it is part of my middle name. that was my cover story. she told me i had to tell everyone in the year if i was only telling friends. finally, i blew up on her about how she was a prejudiced bastard and she had no right to steal my things and try to dictate how and when i came out to anyone. she told me that i was an f-slur and a t-slur and that i would never find anyone that actually liked me. i told her no wonder people hated her. now that was 3 weeks ago and i have been asked to apologise to her ever since. i tell them every time that i might when she leaves our school and i never have to see her again. i've been told i shouldn't have left my new name on my planner and if it was that much of a secret then i shouldn't have told anyone. so aita.

nta

nta fuck her, and things will get better in terms of bullying once you’re done with school and get to pick who you hang out with.

nta- you need to apologize to her?! after theft, forced outing, etc. your response was more than reasonable.

125z5zn

aita for not going to a friend’s birthday party because i have to pay for myself??

my friend amelia invited me to her birthday party and told me she’ll send the invitations out providing all the details. i said “ok cool” and thanked her. next day, amelia sent me my invitation. the party was taking place at a popular all you can eat buffet that i loved. the party was also a day before my birthday. i thought “great, double the food”. then i remembered that exams were the next day (my birthday). the party was on a sunday. i started to feel unsure about going because there was a good chance i would get home super late. the rsvp date was two weeks away so i figured i had time to think about it. during fourth period, my friend said she unfortunately couldn’t go to the party. amelia then said: “oh speaking of the party, everyone is paying for themselves.” i said “hold on, what??” she said “look on the website for prices” and then turned away. now, i’ve been there before. it costs at least $60. my birthday was the next day and i planned to go shopping. i didn’t feel like going anymore. i figured that if you’re going to invite someone out, you should at least pay for them. plus, the birthday person gets to eat free at that buffet so i felt like it was unfair. the next day, my other friend said she couldn’t go because her mom thought it was absurd that she had to pay for herself. great, even more reason not to go. i really wanted her there lol. during fourth period, amelia asked if we were able to go and i said no. she got upset and asked me why. i told her that i simply wasn’t going to spend so much money at her birthday party when my birthday was the next day. she rolled her eyes and said “ugh just say you’re broke”. i got annoyed and said “you should be paying for the people who are coming but since you’re not, i ain’t going.” this turned into a whole argument where she called me entitled and fake. she also kept saying “it’s not hard to just pay the money.” i said that i wasn’t willing to spend so much money when i already had plans for my birthday which is much more important than hers. my friends were on my side but after school ended, i couldn’t stop thinking back to the argument. did i make myself look entitled and fake?? or was my reasoning valid?? aita?

nta

okay i need more context. for one, how old are you? i mean if you're a child then no nta, because expecting a child to pay $60 to attend another child's birthday party is nuts. however if you're an adult, or an older teenager, then i hate to be the one to break this to you, but it's pretty normal to have to pay your own bill when going to a restaurant. especially for someone else's birthday. in fact it's kind of the standard. that being said you're not under any obligation to attend someone's birthday if you can't afford it, but you don't get to act like them expecting you to pay your own way, is unreasonable.

where do you live that the birthday person pays for your meal instead of their friends paying for the birthday person’s meal? i have never heard of the birthday person paying for everyone they invite. eta: at 16yo, a $60 meal is ridiculous. yeah nta for bailing, but i think you have entered the you are expected to pay for your own meal territory, so expecting them to pay for it is not gonna happen anymore.

125z7mc

aita for allowing my kids over on their mother time of the week

me and my wife have been divorced for about 2 years, and i would say we have a healthy coparenting relationship. we have 2 kids (14f, 17m).  i moved into a nice apartment complex with utilities like a swimming pool, jacuzzi, gym, and game room. the apartment complex is in a safe community and is just a 30-minute bus ride or a 15-minute bike ride away.   my wife and i have our children every other week, but sometimes during my week they come over and use my utilities. i am normally not around because of my job, so they come into my apartment with the key i gave them and leave a note on the door saying, "don’t worry, nobody robbed you; we just took some snacks." they swim with their friends that live in the complex then go home the same day. this only happens because they have friends living in the complex, so they always stop over at my apartment to see if i'm around, and if they don’t see me, they check my fridge, then hang with their friends. if i am around, we have small talk that lasts 5 minutes, then they talk to their friends.   my wife recently expressed to me that she feels like i am stealing time out of her week, and i need to set a boundary by telling them not to come over when they come to my apartment complex. i didn’t really understand this because, to my understanding, they ask her before they visit their friends, so i asked if they were leaving without informing her, and she said no, she gives them permission to see their friends, but not for them to see me, and that she can’t believe that i am allowing this blatant favoritism. so i asked if she was asking me to tell them not to stop over at my house when they visit their friend, and she said yes. i told her that i couldn’t do that. it doesn’t make sense for them to see their friend who leaves two floors above me and not say hi to me, and the thing is that they don’t even see me 60% of the time they come to the apartment complex because my job is remote on some days and in person on others. she told me that she feels like it is not fair that i get to see them during her time while she rarely sees them during my time of the week.   at first i thought she was overreacting, but she started crying about how she felt like our kids were playing favorites and how she feels like she is struggling to connect with the kids, so now i am questioning whether i am in the wrong.   aita?                  

nta

you're nta here, it would be really weird for you to tell them not to drop by when they're right there. i can see why she's upset but that isn't the right way to go about fixing things with your kids, they'll just resent her for it.

>she feels like she is struggling to connect with the kids nta. her struggling to connect with the kids has nothing to do with the kids using the facilities at your apartment, and everything to do with the fact they are now 14 and 17. the fact you can get a 5-minute small talk conversation out of them is a testament to good parenting and you should keep it up. her being overbearing to her children won't work and could even drive them further away.

125z7wd

aita: neighbors making me feel like i have to be a noiseless mouse.

my husband (33 m) and i (30 f) live in a townhouse that has been ours for about 1.5 years now. on one side is a couple who are maybe in their late 40’s/early 50’s. when we first moved in they left us a bottle of booze & kind note on our steps welcoming us to the neighborhood but we didn’t even see them in person until months later. 6 months of living in this townhouse, it turns out this couple is extremely annoyed by the noise they hear from our home. we rarely have friends over (maybe once every 3 months or so) and when we’re home we will sometimes play the radio or some music at what does not seem like an outrageous volume. never once did our neighbors tell us the noise was bothering them until one day the wife and i were getting into our cars at the same time. she stopped me and essentially berated me for how loud we apparently are and reminded us that we have neighbors and to keep it down. i was taken aback and felt so blindsided but i apologized and made it aware that we had no idea they felt this way and that we would make an effort to keep the volume down. fast forward a few months - we have 10 friends over to celebrate my best friend’s 30th birthday. it was a saturday and we started the party around 430pm with the intention of ensuring the noise didn’t carry on late into the night by ending it around 10pm. at 630pm, our neighbor comes over and tells us that the noise is bothering them. i apologized that he felt we were being loud but that it was 630 on a saturday and we were celebrating a friend’s birthday. he awkwardly nodded and simply went back to his house. whenever we see this couple now they completely ignore my husband and i; never acknowledge us or even wave hello. at this point i feel like we can’t even watch a movie without worrying if it’s too loud or have people over and feel the need to talk extremely quietly. we’ve asked the other elderly neighbor if our noise has ever bothered her to which she said never. she doesn’t seem to have issues with hearing so i don’t think it’s solely because she’s old. we had 2 friends over the other night (saturday around 8pm) and they left at about 11pm. we simply sat in our living room catching up, not even listening to music. fast forward to a few days later and the husband of the house rings our doorbell twice. my husband was at work and i didn’t feel comfortable talking to this man alone. i am so frustrated at this point since i have a feeling he is going to complain about us having friends over & being too loud yet again. i could understand if we had raging parties every weekend and were constantly blasting shitty music but the last time we had friends over was in december (4 months ago!!!) and at this point i listen to music super low when home or with headphones. this whole situation makes me want to move but that’s definitely not possible at this time. am i the asshole?

nta

nta. if people want perfect quiet, they need to live in a detached house, there's always going to be some noise bleed with shared walls.

nta - sounds like your neighbors have too much time on their hands and want to stir up drama for the sake of it. most places (in the uk anyway) have a general guidence rule that noise complaints can only be filed/taken seriously if noise is excessive and is outside the times of 6am-10pm

125z7zs

aita for telling my mother how i truly feel?

let me start off by saying my mother is technically my grandmother. i was raised by my grandparents since i was 5 months old. (long story itself) to keep this as short as possible i’ll stay on topic. i f24, feel suffocated most of the time by my mother f69. i am my mothers only confidant, and person to talk to. and most of the time i don’t mind it. a lot of the time however it is a lot, as our conversations are usually me talking her off the ledge and our conversations are always unpleasant, sad, or about something unhappy. i know life can’t always be roses and rainbows, but you don’t always have to be talking about something depressing. regardless, i usually have no issue being the voice of reason for my mother on a lot of topics, and help give good advice….even tho she doesn’t usually listen to it. which is fine. but it is in times like, last night i had worked 15 hours 5:30am-8:30 pm and i was exhausted. i had eaten something bad so 3am i was violently sick. this morning (well 2pm really since i slept so long) my mom texts me asking if i’m up. then not long after texts again and then again. she’s always done that, she’ll spam me till i’m forced into answering her, or she’ll call me to get me to answer. when i tell her i want to be left alone, or to set boundaries, she’ll say i’m selfish and my generation has become selfish and disrespectful. and that i should be nicer because she feels shitty too. it’s so incredibly invalidating to read it. i’ll even feel and be made to feel like an ah for wanting to spend time with friends over her, just because it’s simply more pleasant and fun. during family issues, i’ll defend her and help her even if she doesn’t want to help herself. and i try to be encouraging, but it’s genuinely so emotionally and physically draining dealing with her. i’m just genuinely not sure how to move forward and need advice. i have tried therapy but i’m in no financial situation to be able to afford it long term / at all. so i have just my friends to talk to. but then i feel like the ah for doing that and making them dislike her even tho she’s not a bad person and has never been. but i am just tired of being the only person she has to talk to. and i just want to live my own life and be happy for once. aita? (edit 1: my mother was married to a narcissist (my father who is now passed on. her two sons, the eldest being my bio dad, the younger being a narc too but 1000% worse and more hateful. she’s been co-dependent since their early marriage. my dad was the narc type to handle everything and the woman tends to the kids and house. now that’s made my mom not even wanna pump gas alone lol let alone a grocery store. then adding me to the mix, an accident baby from a young dad and woman that his parents had to take on. and that’s used against me too when i try to set and stand by boundaries. “i raised you and took you in when i didn’t have to” paraphrasing ofc. but still, that’s not a fair thing to say when i didn’t choose to be conceived. but she’s codependent and refuses therapy. me being too people pleasing has a hard time going full nc even tho i’m sure that’s something that’s needed. i appreciate everyone’s comments and support so far and believe me i take it to heart and will try to be stronger in standing my ground in a loving way. my life story is way too long for a reddit post for anyone to wanna read. just take my word for it that it was pure hell, and rough. and i’ve come out the other end well rounded as much as anyone can be anyway lol 😆 if anyone has any specific questions on anything i’ll do my best to answer them when i can!)

nta

nta. if i were you, i'd suggest that she go to therapy or some type of counselling. you're clearly being used as support for her and that isn't fair. you are not a therapist and helping someone with one problem is very different to helping her with everything especially talking her off a ledge or out of a dangerous situation. this is not your job and this is not how a mother should behave.

op you’re nta in this situation. while i understand how you can feel that way, you need to understand your mother’s feelings are not your responsibility in the way you’re describing. i would usually suggest boundaries but you’ve said those don’t work, and it sounds like she’s guilt tripping you when you do try to fix the issue. as for your friends, i’m sure their distaste for her comes more from how she treats you then her actual personality. you’re someone they care about, and it seems like you’re hurting because of her. they just want what’s best for you, and you shouldn’t be afraid to go to them to talk. it sounds like both you and your mother may need counseling but that may not be possible at this time. i can’t give you a miracle solution, but a first step may simple be moving out if you haven’t already or if it’s possible, and then slowly limiting contact. its going to be painful, and hard, but it may be what needs to be done. if she threatens to off herself and you think she’s serious, call the police or a helpline and get her some help. but at the end of the day if you take anything from my reply i just want you to know that whatever she may do in response to you setting reasonable boundaries is not your fault.

125z9r9

aita for not accommodating for my fathers girlfriend.

so my (16f) father (39m) has a girlfriend (34f)who he’s been with for a bit over a year now and she is very unstable. she has a hatred for anything that isn’t to her tastes. she has attempted to change the house rules that have been around for years because she thought they weren’t strict enough. she yells at my father about how me and my brother act (which is us never being around due to her fits) but continues to excuse her children who leave half filled drinks everywhere including in the fridge, complains how no one cleans up after themselves other then her but i have been the one to clean every bit of the house daily. this is on top of my schoolwork, babysitting my brother and cousins and having a part time job. the rare times i am home with nothing planned as well as the living room being empty i watch the show south park. but the bedroom she is in every minute she is home and not smoking or screaming about something is right next to it. i make sure to keep it on a low volume to not annoy her because of her issues with migraines but no matter what i do she complains about it. it’s gotten to the point that my father doesn’t want me watching it even though i bought his tv, pay for all his streaming services and pay his internet at the age of 16. i refuse to stop watching the show and i told him if i’m not allowed to watch it i will cancel all the streaming services and stop paying the internet. this is the one thing i’m not willing to give up for his girlfriend. i just want to know, aita?

nta

nta, it’s basically your tv at this point. the whole situation sounds very frustrating, and i think it’s a reasonable boundary. you deserve to be able to relax 100%. i will suggest if you want to keep the streaming services perhaps just changing the passwords so you can watch it on any other devices you may have and make it so they just can’t watch it on the tv.

nta. this is a super unstable environment, and way too much responsibility for a 16 year old, you shouldn’t have familial financial burdens at fucking 16. that’s wild to me.

125zft7

aita for keeping my wi-fi to myself

me and my fiance have been living at our house for nearly a year now. during that time, i have never spoken to my neighbour for more than an introduction when we first met and the occasional and very brief hello in passing. during our time in the house, his kids and partner have disturbed us daily with screaming and shouting as well as one of his children climbing into pur garden multiple times to collect things he's thrown over. on top of this all, we have called the police on them already during our time here to report his domestic abuse of his partner which we witnessed first hand during the summer last year. needless to say, he's a real piece of work and i want nothing do with him. back to this evening, at 8:30pm (gmt) i heard a knock on the door and went to answer it. my neighbour greets me and immediately asks if my wi-fi is working to which i tell him it is. he then explains that his is down and that they can't get an engineer out until tuesday next week to fix it. finally, he asks if he can use my wi-fi until his is up. i'm immediately hesitant because i wouldn't typically trust anyone with that information (let alone him) and he picks up on that and insists that he won't do anything dodgy on it. i tell him that our wi-fi isn't the strongest and that i don't think i'm comfortable with it. again he insists that he isn't doing anything dodgy and insists that he can't go the weekend without it. i'm insistent and tell him that me and my fiance are watching something at the moment and can't spare the connection for him. he grunts, says "no problem kid" and walks off (i'm 24 so not a kid). is his response normal for something that i'm assuming he deems as a standard neighbourly request which isn't or aita for being biased towards him for his actions and not trusting him?

nta

nta, donuts to dollars he didn’t pay his bill. next thing you know, all of his family will be signed into your account, and a couple of days will never end.

nta. your neighbor was looking get free internet. best case he was going to log in and not get off until you changed the password.

125zvi1

aita for threatening to not go to my sister's wedding over cufflinks?

i (40f) have 4 kids (16m, 14m, 10f, and 8f) with my husband (45m). my parents (56m + 56f) had me when they were 16, i lived with my grandparents (dad’s parents) while they were in college, eventually they settled down and had other kids much younger than me, the second youngest child, my youngest sister, is 22 and is getting married this summer. despite our age gap, i’ve always been close to my siblings, and have been excited about my sister’s wedding, but a recent argument has caused some issues for us. our 14 yo, dreyson, is a freshman in high school. he asked a girl out to the 7th grade dance 2 years ago, shortly after they started dating and dated for a bit over a year. unfortunately, last summer she was in a car crash with a family friend and she did not make it. her parents and dreyson have stayed in touch and he’s got some of her stuff, it’s been tough on him but dreyson has amazing friends who have helped him get though this. dreyson’s girlfriend was sri lankan, while she and her parents were born in the us, her grandparents were not and she had connections to her heritage, both her and dreyson loved sports, so they would watch cricket together and sometimes he’d go over to her house and ate traditional foods. for the 8th grade dance last year, she bought him and asked him to wear sri lanka flag cufflinks she saw online. he agreed to and it’s something he cherishes as a gift from her. note, our family is not sri lankan. dreyson has quite a few gifts from her, including clothes, but these cufflinks are the only thing that would be appropriate to wear at a wedding. as the wedding is approaching, we decided to start going suit shopping. dreyson found a suit he liked, we got it tailored and got the ready version last week. dreyson is a very confident person and felt good about the suit and even posted some photos to instagram. on sunday, we were at dinner at our parents house, my sister and her fiance were there and he asked if they wanted to see “his fit”. they agreed to see what he was wearing to the wedding. i could see my sister’s face change while looking at him and she shortly after asked to see me in private, she asked if he could not wear the cufflinks because they didn’t match her wedding “aesthetic”, when i asked her to elaborate, all she said was that she’s going for a “traditional” theme and when i nudged her she said, she didn’t think the cufflinks matched a "traditional american wedding” and said she didn’t want anything that could cause people discomfort. shortly after that, we left and i spoke about it with my husband, who agreed with me that her request was ridiculous and we texted her saying he would be wearing them and if he couldn’t, we would not attend. she texted our parents and siblings and it’s caused a mess, some of our family is siding with us but others are saying because it’s her wedding, we should respect her rules. aita?

nta

“she didn’t want anything that could cause people discomfort.” don’t spend any time with people who would feel ‘uncomfortable’ with cufflinks that display the sri lankan flag. i’d honestly just change my rsvp to no at this point. nta

nta, he is a guest, not actually in the wedding party. major bridezilla moment, there.

12601uw

aita for not telling my father about the engine light?

i’ve (m21) been driving the same car since i turned 16. the car, a ‘00 accord (nb23) is a hand me down from my brother, who got it from my dad (m60), who bought it used in 2006. the car’s due for an inspection, which is a problem since the car’s check engine light has been on for the last four years or so. every year, my dad gets the engine’s computer reset, then i take it in so we pass the inspection. this year, i was planning to stop off on my way home after work, but our mechanic had closed early. no biggie, i’ll just go the next day- but the next day, the light was back on. now, this is where i might be the asshole. i could have texted my dad and let him know. but i was running late, and put it off until i got to work. at work, i got to thinking. dear old dad loves to get his money’s worth out of everything, and to him, that 17th year of use out of the car could be the one that really justifies the $6000 we’ve spent on it, including purchase price and major repairs. but. on the other hand. i’ve been planning on buying a newer car in the next few months, because honestly, my beloved accord isn’t making it past then. to redeem myself a little further, i’ll point out that my family of four presently owns five cars for daily use including this one. we only still have this one because dear old dad is determined to get every last cent’s worth out of it. so i didn’t tell him that the light had come back on until today (a week later). he’s furious, which i understand, but i’m sorry- i really do think it’s time to let this car go. so aita?

yta

if the car is in your dad's name, and he is "loaning" it to you, then yes yta. if the car is a gift and is your car, then your nta. i can treat my lawn mower however i want, but if i'd be a dick if i treated my brother's lawn mower the same way.

yta. you should have told him.

1260434

aita - for not wanting to drive even though i have driver's license

before i start i just wanted to say english is not my first language, so i apologize beforehand. i'm a 20-year-old guy that lives with both my parents who are in their late 50s. my parents were not present in most of my childhood, which i don't blame them, our family was poor for some time before i was born and i understand that they never wanted to go back. what i judge them for is (mostly my mom) that they abused me mentally abused for most of my childhood even as far as letting my older brother(who took take of most of the tie and was a teenager at best) also do the same to me. this affected me for most of my life, but i got help from a psychiatrist and now i'm doing better. i even discovered that i'm autistic (will be important for later)(still self diagnosed, i was gonna get my self tested this year, but my job, college and weird rashes in body wouldn't allow me and now i have no free time for that). now back to the main events. last year my mother forced me to get a driver license(i was still a pushover at that time), and so i did. i hated most of the classes, not because of teachers or anything like, but because of my sensibility to the sound and visual overload that i was getting. even so i passed in my second try. now i changed jobs about a month ago, it is in a nearby city about (10 minutes by car), and it even has a bus that drops me exactly at the company which i work at. here's the problem, about 4 years ago my parents decide to isolate themselves from society, they bought a house which is in a country side of the city, and the only way to get in and out to the nearest street is by going 1 km is a dirt road why is only used by us and tractor, so it's a pretty rough road to use. since that's the case, i told my parents that there was only one option for me to go to work, which was to wake up early and take my bicycle and go to the nearest stop. they outright said that was not in the picture because it would be unviable(about 45min-1h in a bicycle), i responded something like "that's my problem isn't it?" and then they forced me to use their motorcycle to work, i said i was against it, that the sensory overload for every time i would drive in a to work would break me(the nearest road to the bus stop is a semi-br, which would mean that it was a highway only waiting to get approved to get more lanes and be called a highway). and so we discussed, my mother shouting and me being as calm as i could. then my father, for the first time in years did something good, and said that he would drive me there. it has been a month now, and now my mother teases me that i'm an adult and that i shouldn't rely on them for driving, but i think i'm entitled to that, that i haven't received nowhere near enough support on my life from them, except for my money which went to my school. but my anxiety is still telling me that what i'm doing is wrong, so aita?

nta

nta, but i will throw out a few things: 1. since this is about the scenario at hand, and i already said nta, i am not really going to consider your parents or their desires here. you have the hard part out of the way by getting your license. learning to get more comfortable with driving will benefit you in the long run. you probably won't stay at this job forever, and honestly, driving on such a short stretch will be a good way to get acclimated. just my opinion as someone who had to rely on rides at one point in my life. 2. don't self-diagnose. i don't doubt you, but still.

nta. you said you’d take your bicycle. but just an rfi. did you mean it when you said that or was it a way to guilt trip your parents into driving you?

12607zu

aita for using a teaspoon of my partners mayo and refusing to ask him if i may?

so my partner (m25) has a problem with moneymanagement. he uses it all on mostly unhealthy stuff like sweet drinks, weed and fast food by the beginning of the month. i buy all the important basic stuff like butter, milk, eggs, noodles, rice, veggies, every single spice in the cabinet i bought. we do generally split our bills and if i lend him money i write it down, so he can pay me back at some point. i am also still studying and not really in the position to lend money to anybody or pay for more than my share. he has hundreds of depts with me and will always use his money for himself before he pays me back. he uses all these basic groceries when hes out of money. often even uses them up completetly so i cant have what i planned for dinner. so currently i am on a diet and bought this mayonnaise like stuff that doesnt taste so good. he bought a glass of real mayonnaise. after two days my "mayo" was missing about 1/2 of the glass, because he mixed it with his real mayo to have more. so today i had a slice of bread and felt like having some real mayo and took exactly 7g of his mayo (know because of calorie counting). he then got angry and told me i have to ask him if i take any of his stuff. i couldnt believe it. he never asks and i begged him so many times to stop eating up all my stuff. he said he wouldnt say no but i still have to ask. it might seem stupid but i just couldnt bring myself to accept that its fair that i have to ask him if i for once take some of his stuff. he says it doesnt matter what he did in the past or does and that i have to ask if he wants that. then i said well fine then you ask every time you use my spices, my butter, my milk, my nutella and all the other stuff. that made him angry and he now says that is not the same and i do not respect his stuff. aita?

nta

nta this isn't about a spoonful of mayo, it's about control. he's using you. don't let him. 'when people show you who they are, believe them the first time' - maya angelou

nta, though i’m confused why you’re still in a relationship with this selfish, irresponsible person who takes advantage of you financially.

1260glu

aita for not wanting my in laws to join my husband and i on a trip?

my husband saw a good deal for a trip for 3 days. he told me about it and i thought it would be fun. then he says he’s going to invite his parents. i said i don’t want that and he said his parents are “old and fragile” and he wants to take them on a family trip. the thing is they just went on a family trip a month ago for a week. i opted out of going that time because i’m pregnant and just not comfortable around in-laws and don’t see it as vacation going to vegas while pregnant. my husband tells me we went on a trip with just us 4 months ago for 3 days. i told him that we don’t get many romantic trips together (especially because we have a young child). he told me that his dad probably doesn’t have much time left because his dad had a stroke several years ago and is 70, so he wants to go on trips with them before he dies. i then asked him why didn’t he do that before he met me for the last 20 years (he went on trips with friends and exes so it wasn’t a money issue). i also told him i didn’t get a wedding, a honeymoon or babymoon. and i still didn’t get a babymoon for my current pregnancy, so i feel like we didn’t get many romantic events. he then told me that his parents are going to question him why he didn’t take them with us if we just go by ourselves and apparently the previous times my husband and i travelled by ourselves they questioned him then too. i find it unfair because traveling is my dream and all i want to do but i haven’t been able to since i recently graduated and then been stuck at home being a mom and also working full time. my husband on the other hand is older and had travelled many times before me and whenever i mention that he tells me traveling “isn’t thattt great” so i feel like he doesn’t understand my strong desire to travel and have romantic relaxing trips. tldr: i feel so tired being a mom and working hard to make money so i could travel, so i really want a somewhat relaxing romantic vacation but my husband doesn’t think bringing his parents along should be an issue even though i don’t think being around them is relaxing/comfortable, and he thinks they should go since they’re “old and dying”.

nta

"he then told me that his parents are going to question him why he didn’t take them with us if we just go by ourselves" huh? that is weird. nta. parents can't dictate how their adult kids spend their vacations. yes, inviting them on family trips is okay but they aren't entitled to an invite *every* time. husband needs to tell his parents that. sheesh

nta! he should plan a different trip in the future for the 3 of them! i’m sorry op, you’re not overreacting at all. it’s ok for just the two of you to go, my goodness.

1260pwm

aita for calling my boyfriend's coworker a "potential home wrecker" behind her back?

i can't believe i'm posting this. backstory: my boyfriend, lucas (25) and me (25 f) have been together for almost 12 years. we were classmates in highschool, in a really small town of a really small province. we moved together at 18 to a big city so we could go to college. everyone who knows us knows this. it's not like we advertise it, but when they ask personal questions that's pretty much the first thing they get to know about us. my boyfriend is a sound and lightning engineer so he mostly works on weekends and as a freelancer. he doesn't work in the same venue every weekend. but he's really fond of a particular place that was his first job in this city, he has made a lot of friends there so he goes often. and last year he worked in a smaller venue where, out of 7 people, he made 3 friends (two boys, one girl). he didn't really get along with the rest, but enough that he knows a little of their personal lives and they know a little about his. sammy (34 f) was one of them. recently sammy got a job in the venue he likes so he's been seeing her more often. still, they work in different areas so they don't really interact with each other. now onto the story. last night, one of lucas's friends (who works in the big venue) was celebrating her birthday at a bar and she invited us. i was happy to go because it was a chance to get to know his other coworkers and it was going to be fun, right? i was so wrong. the minute sammy saw me with lucas, her whole face changed and she made sure to ruin the night. how? first she played dumb when lucas introduced me, pretending she didn't remember he had a girlfriend. mind you, she likes every single picture he posts of us on instagram. then she started to speak to him in "code" about a gathering with the people from the small venue next week that lucas had no idea about. seriously, he asked her what she was talking about three times because she kept trying to keep me out of the conversation. then everytime i was speaking, she sighed or looked anywhere else. at one point, she even turned around and ignored me completely. this girl treated me like i had stole her cat or something. if i was uncomfortable, you should have seen my boyfriend's face. and when we were leaving, she hugged him despite him trying to get out of her reach and only nodded at me. of course afterwards i had a chat with lucas in case he was hiding something from me. but he can't understand her behaviour and i know he's not cheating because he despises cheating because of his family history. my only explanation is she has a huge crush on him. today i was talking with my sister and one of her friends about this and she said "this girl sounds lovely" and i jokingly said "yes, like every potential home wrecker" and we both laughed. her friend didn't like this one bit. she told me lucas is to blame for sammy's behaviour because he might have led her on. and that i was being an asshole for "shading" other women. am i an asshole?

nta

nta. i’m all about women supporting women, but this woman was flat out rude and it really sounds like she has an agenda.

nta. what you've described is an immature girl who is jealous of what she can't have and is trying every trick in her tool kit to "nab" him. she's totally unaware she's putting him off. this could get entertaining.

1260rb1

wibta for reporting my neighbors in my dorm to a conduct team (for the second time) for noise?

context: so i’m an ra at a large university, and for the most part i am extremely laid back and don’t confront or bug residents unless certain circumstances arise: 1. i get a complaint from another resident, ra, or staff member 2. it is a situation breaking a major policy that i would get in trouble for not addressing such as drugs, weapons, dangerous activity, or i physically see alcohol (i don’t ‘look’ for it or try and bust them for talking about drinking, only if i see it) 3. it is extremely disruptive noise to the point where we can hear it from the other end of the floor. (it is a large dorm with 112 residents and 2 ras per floor) situation: i live in my own room and share a wall with four sophomore guys. they are obnoxious. they shout, whoop, and clap very loudly late at night while gaming, but i can get over that. what i can’t handle is their goddamn music. almost every day for multiple hours at a time they will often blast the music through a speaker. i can hear every lyric to their music and they turn up the bass so loudly that it occasionally makes my desk vibrate (with the way my room is shaped, my desk basically has to sit against the wall we share or will block my window.) on top of that, i have very sensitive hearing so even if it’s not super loud, i can still hear the bass and it just drives me insane at this point. i ask them on nearly a weekly basis to at least lower the volume during the day so i can actually do work without noise cancelling headphones 24/7 and they will for like a day and then go right back to it. they also violate quiet hours often with the music so other ras will tell them to turn it down while they do rounds at night. they got written up for this in the middle of last semester. it has gotten to a point where this is an issue non-compliance and i am able to write them up, but we only have a few weeks of classes left before they move out. wibta if i write them up with only a few weeks left?

nta

nta nta nta. i can empathize with you op, this kind of stuff drives me up the wall. even bass from passing cars drills into my brain like a jackhammer. while college is supposed to be a time of self-discovery and free expression away from parents and all that, the priority *is* higher learning. so if something is preventing that from occurring, there's nothing wrong with doing what you can do to put a stop to it (especially if you tried being nice and handle it with them directly first). write 'em up. they should be living off-campus if they can't respect other students while living in close quarters. it might be the only lesson they learn all semester.

as a former ra & hall director - nta. 1) it’s legit your job to document issues. you’ve been cutting them slack by not documenting it on a regular basis before now; kind of you, but because you have they now expect it to continue. document. and let them know you’ll continue to document, regularly, for as long as it continues. 2) because it’s towards the end of the year, this is likely to get worse. if it’s that disruptive, you’re doing your floor a disservice because post-sb is when classes get hardest and then boom! finals. document them. 3) if you are worried that it would come across as biased, or that you’re being too sensitive, ask the fellow ra on your floor. or someone on staff from a different floor. if they concur that it’s too loud, then document. lastly, talk to your boss. let them know of the issue so that the noise complaint can be heard in an expedited timeline. the hearing may do more than the documentation; that’s always been my experience.

1260zii

aita for switching tables and leaving my friend?

aita for switching lunch tables? ​ i (14 f) recently switched lunch tables at my school because a huge argument happened in my friend group. some offensive things were said by a few kids to other kids in the group. the school ultimately decided that forcing us to split lunch tables would solve the problem (🤡). i wasn’t really involved in this argument, so i could choose where i wanted to sit. i could either sit at table a, with the kids who were saying offensive things, or at table b, with the victims. i chose b because: 1. i have better friends there 2. i didn’t want to be associated with the kids who were saying offensive things 3. i have close friends at table b that i didn’t want to lose (they were taking the whole thing super seriously and if i didn’t sit with them, they’d probably not talk to me) i felt super bad about this since i had a close friend at table a, so i checked in with her after school. i sent her a message like, “hey, i feel bad i switched tables, i didn’t want to leave you but the other table was the best option. \*insert above reasons here\* youre welcome to move to our table but i just wanted to apologize.” she replied with a “literally whatever. you are all so immature for dealing with the situation like this, and i don’t need your constant drama. you are so fake and i feel like i can’t tell you anything you have. don’t talk to me anymore, i have enough drama to deal with with boyfriends and my friends from \*other town that she doesn’t go to school in\*”. i was shocked because she knew most of the decisions were made by admin, so we didn’t have control over how we handled it. also, my friends who are also at table b, she has no issues talking to. so it seems like i’m the only one she’s mad at, despite all of us doing the same thing. we’ve been friends for years, and we’ve gone through everything together. i helped her so much and we’ve been inseparable for so long. i’m not sure how she can just drop everything for what seems like not a huge deal, especially because it’s understandable imo. she has been going thru a lot at home (divorce, etc) so that may be why she’s acting like this, but i don’t see why she’s only taking it out on me. ​ aita?

nta

nta. keep your head up and just kill everyone with kindness. if you do that, no matter what, your character will shine through. they might get mad bc they’ll try to throw dirt on your name but only flowers will grow

nta. tell her you're sorry she feels that way, and that it was the best of two unfortunate scenarios. if she wants to continue being friends, you can be open to it, but that doesn't mean you'll be bullied into choosing her side. it pays to be kind to people. someone who side's with bullies and will destroy a friendship over something that trivial, isn't worth spending time thinking about.

12613n5

aita for questioning my mil’s farming practices?

i have lived on a goat farm with my husband (33m) for the past three years. my husband and his parents started farming goats 1.5 years before we started dating. his parents both grew up on old fashioned cattle farms, and have years of experience. i grew up in the nearby city, but have fully immersed myself in farming, reading every book, and asking lots of questions. although we all have full time jobs, for the past 3 weeks my pil have taken vacation time to spend everyday at our farm to aid with kidding (birthing). a couple days ago, when i got home from work, i found my mil trying to move a goat that was in active labour (hooves coming out and all) from one barn to another. this goat was having difficulty walking and was actively pushing. when i told my mil that we should not try to move her until she is done birthing because it’s added stress on the doe and the kid, i was told that ‘that’s what we’ve always done and never had an issue’. i found her argument very frustrating and reminded her of a situation that happened the year prior where they moved a goat that was in active labour and it damaged the does hips and the kid got twisted inside causing us to spend 3 hours trying to pull it out. after arguing with her about what we should do, she became extremely quiet for the rest of the day, making me feel guilty for hurting her feelings. so am i the asshole for questioning her?

nta

nta. "we've always done it this way" is an attitude that is the death of progress. there is no valid reason to stress a birthing animal. move her after the kid is born if you must. you might tell her you didn't intend to be hurtful, but that you want to see the farm be as successful as possible, which may allow for improvements.

nta - as an agriculture extension agent i see more fucked up shit happen because of ignorance, including "that's the way we've always done it" crowd. calling her on it was the right thing to do.

126162o

aita for dropping my ex boyfriends dog off at his moms house?

i (18f) dated a guy (20m) off and on for a while. we lived together for about 6 months in an apartment where he adopted a pitbull/terrier mix and i adopted a blue heeler/australian shepherd mix. we hit a rough place financially and had to move into an rv for about 4 months which we ended up having to move out of because our job messed with our hours. we ended up moving into my moms trailer in a trailer park. my mom has a teacup chihuahua who weighs maybe 5 pounds soaking wet and does not get along with bigger dogs at all. about a month into us living at my moms he ended up breaking up with me, when he came the next morning to get his things i asked him what he wanted done with his dog and he asked that i keep her until the next day and hed come get her then. i agreed, well then later that day he decided not to take the dog and asked me to find another home for her. after trying for a couple weeks i came to the conclusion that i was not gonna be able to find a new home for her. i asked my ex boyfriend repeatedly to come get her before i had to take her to the shelter because my moms trailer park would not allow us to keep her. he never came to get her. a couple days after i told him to come get her i was hanging out with a mutual friend of ours and he told me that my ex was saying i was withholding the dog from him and refused to give her back. so the next day when i went home i took the dog and dropped the dog off at my exs moms house (where he was living) and sent him a message saying "you figure it out" and then blocked him. he has since been telling my friends and posting on facebook that i am a terrible person for dropping the dog off and not finding her a new home. so aita for dropping the dog off at his moms?

nta

nta it's his dog, he should be taking care of it, he essentially abandoned it. dropping it off at his mom's is better than taking it a shelter where they will probably have to put it down.

nta. he's a complete ah. you dodged a bullet with that guy!

1261g12

aita for doing the dishes in the breakroom?

my office has had an issue over the last few months where almost everyone just dumps their dirty dishes in the sink and leaves them there until they need them the next morning and then they wash them. it's mostly just coffee cups and silverware but still, it's a gross habit and i think it's really rude. we had a meeting about it a few weeks ago and our director made it clear he expected us to behave like adults and clean up after ourselves or there would be consequences. nothing changed and i was getting super pissy about there being a full sink whenever i wanted to wash my lunch container out and clearly nothing anyone was saying was making a difference so i just started washing dishes and leaving them in the dish rack. i did this for about a week. on monday\*\*, someone walked into the breakroom while i getting ready to wash all the cups and saw me. he asked if i had been the one washing everything and i said yes. i was surprised when he got mad and said i shouldn't be doing that, no one liked it and it was weird that i was taking it upon myself to touch their personal items. so i stopped at the moment and when i went back to my cubicle, he had told everyone in the area and they all agreed that i should have never touched their stuff and that i was violating their "boundaries". i was really fking annoyed at this point because i don't understand how they feel like they have the right to leave a common space filthy and get mad at someone else fixing it but i just thought "okay, bet" and went and told the director that the improvement he noticed and commented on? all me. and my coworkers didn't like it so i would not be continuing. i thought he'd be a little angry about it but he got furious. he came in and announced to everyone that they had 5 minutes to get their shit out of the sink and in the future, all abandoned items would be trashed immediately. i saw 4 people digging their mugs out of the trash yesterday morning and 3 today and they called me a rat bitch who couldn't mind her business which i also reported them for :) and they were in a meeting with hr this afternoon. haven't seen them since. my boyfriend says i'm being petty but i really like my job and would rather these assholes get fired and replaced with real adults. but he thinks if i hadn't set the expectation of the dishes being washed for that week by taking it on myself, my boss probably wouldn't have blown up like that because there wouldn't have been any "big sudden reveal". ​ edited because i messed up my timeline a little.

nta

nta. >our director made it clear he expected us to behave like adults and clean up after ourselves or there would be consequences. how hard was this to understand?

nta. you were doing them a favor and they had the audacity to get mad about it. and they are grown adults in a professional environment, who can’t even bother to clean up their own mess even after their boss told them to do so. they deserved to get fired

1261i2w

aita if i refuse to play my guitar in front of my parents

i(16f) hate performing in front of my parents. i don't know why, but just the idea makes me feel uneasy. i'm perfectly comfortable with performing for my friends and such, and i don't have an ounce of stage fear, but i just don't feel comfortable doing it in front of my parents. i think it's because they do either one of the extremes: they either criticize me to tears or coddle me to the point of embarrassment. anyway, being the emo high-schooler i am, whenever things get a bit stressful, i shut myself up in my room and practice my guitar. a few minutes later, my dad unlocks the door(he has all the keys to the house), sits down on the ground with his laptop, and just works without saying anything to me. i assumed he wanted to talk about grades and waited for him to speak, but he didn't say anything. after a few minutes, he looked up at me and asked, "why aren't you playing anything?" i looked back at him. "why are you here?" i asked. "you know i prefer playing alone." and then he got angry and said something like "i'm the one paying for your classes, so i should able to hear what you are doing". which i have to admit was a pretty solid argument, except for the fact that he's ending the classes for me soon anyway. i tried everything to get him out of the room so i could play in peace, but he just refused and continued to yell at me, and then we got into a huge argument. so then i just walked out and closed myself up in the restroom. i'm still in there and fuming. so aita or is it my dad?

nta

nta - you aren't some minstrel to entertain them. you are an autonomous being with your own agenda. just pull a nirvana and play really badly for them.

nta. i had it the same (musician all my life). my parents wanted me to play on birthdays or when they got friends over at our house to showcase how their little guy is better etc. and i hated it. so i stopped playing when i was 12. when i went to college i picked up a guitar again. but a lot of people don't return to their instrument because of the frustration their parents caused.

1261i6p

aita for not trusting my mom?

my mom (62f) asked me (28f) if i would talk to my husband about co-signing a loan for her to get a car. my mom doesn’t work, she only gets widow social security from her late ex-husband. so in order for her to get a car from a lot, she has to have a co-signer otherwise she needs a down payment that she can’t afford. initially my instinct is to want to help my mom, because that’s my mom. but at the same time, it took my husband and i a couple years to build up our credit to the higher 700’s. and most of that was my husband, as he’s the one that makes the money in our household. when i voiced my concerns, she asked if i really didn’t trust her and it made me feel bad. i feel like if she wants a car and doesn’t have sufficient credit herself, the sensible thing to do would be save up for a down payment. not ask her youngest daughter to co-sign. when i said it’ll likely be a no, she got upset with me and hung up on me. then sent me a text saying how i helped my husband years before we got married by putting our cell phones in my name. firstly, i don’t think that compares and secondly, it sucks that she’s making me feel guilty for making a choice for myself and my family. so aita?

nta

nta. rule 1 in finances. never co-sign a loan unless you are willing to carry the full loan yourself. i'd also have the conditions in writing and the car in your name. double that rule for friends and family.

nta. if she can't afford even a down payment on a vehicle..she can't afford the monthly payments as well. you also shouldn't risk you or your husband's credit score for someone else. i also believe in not mixing finances with family if avoidable. just too many red flags.

1261uf1

aita for making fun of my boyfriend's tramp stamp?

my (23f) boyfriend (21m) has a tramp stamp that reads " charlie's boy" that he got at 18 for his ex boyfriend from highschool. they'd been dating for 4yrs and he thought they were gonna be highschool sweethearts till charlie cheated on him multiple times and things got worse between them after ex joined the military. i knew he was really embarrassed and kinda sensitive about it ,but he doesn't have enough money to get it lasered off or changed. he usually tries to hide it as best he can. we were at a party over the weekend and i got a lil drunk and me and my friends were just joking around and one of my friends showed us hers and how kinda stupid it was and i without thinking brought up my boyfriend's and kinda just lifted up his shirt a little and showed my friends. we all kind of laughed about and i kinda commented that i couldn't believe he'd gotten for some boy in highschool. my boyfriend teared up some and got quiet the rest of the night and didn't talk to me when we got home. i tried talking to him and he just blew up at me that he couldn't believe u embarrassed him like that. i told him it was just some joking around and he told i was being insensitive to him and he's been mad at me since then. aita?

yta

so basically you know he’s embarrassed and insecure about his lil tattoo but you make fun of him before your friends to the point he teared up? then you has the nerve to nonchalantly brush it off as a joke and didn’t apologize. well if i remember correctly, a joke has to be funny. clearly humour is not your strong suit. yta.

yta - that's just mean

1261yqo

aita for wanting to shower in the morning?

posting to resolve a dispute between me (29m) and my partner (28f). today i have exercised quite a lot: two hours of biking in the morning, an hour of weights in the afternoon and then an hour of swimming from 9-10pm to finish things off. naturally i’m quite tired after this, and mention to my partner that i will probably shower in the morning. she voiced her discontent at this, objecting that after so much exercise i should really shower. to understand where she is coming from, i was quite sweaty earlier, however in my head the fact that i’ve swum for an hour negates the need for a shower before bed. i don’t consider the two equal, but after swimming in chlorinated water for an hour, i don’t smell or feel unclean and i feel happy to go to bed and shower in the morning, mainly to wash off the chlorine smell and make myself look more presentable for work. a minor dispute but even so - aita?

yta

you just said "after swimming i don't smell" and "i'll shower in the morning to wash off the chlorine smell". like, in the same sentence. if you swam in a public pool (and especially in an indoor pool at a gym or similar) you stink of chemicals. and you'll make the bed stink of pool chemicals. yta.

so you know you have a chlorine smell that you think is worth washing off, but still think the person you sleep with should be fine with it? yta

12623nl

aita for clapping back at my friend when she asked implied that i didn't care about her?

i recently went to the city my best friend lives because i wanted to celebrate her birthday with her and i stayed at her place. she had a bunch of things planned for both of us to do while i was there and i was excited and went along with everything without complaining. the day of her birthday we were out all day and it was pretty fun, we take a nap and then we go out again at night and the last stop of the night we end up at a bar. keep in mind throughout the day she was randomly updating me on who wished her happy birthday on instagram or text or whatever, since there were surprising people that reached out to her. so at the end of the night around 2am, i notice she is on her phone for a long time, and we were drunk. she asks her boyfriend to call the uber back so i went on my phone and was kind of disconnected. while we're outside waiting for the uber, she asks me "is there a certain point in the night that you feel like your social battery runs out and you unplug?" and i ask her why she asked me that and she said "oh just cause you were on your phone and seemed tired" and i got pissed and told her "you're the one who's been shoving your instagram viewers and messages in my face all day" and she was thrown off by this and didn't talk to me the ride home. when we got home i confronted her and she said she was a bit upset at the comment i made bc it made it sound like she was instagram obsessed, and i clapped back and was mad and telling her that she implied that i don't care about her and how could she ask me if i "unplug" when the whole day i was doing whatever she wanted. she said that she didn't mean it negatively, that she was just trying to make conversation and that there was no double meaning to it. i disagreed and told her that she had intent behind it. after going back and forth and her being confused and not understanding, she finally apologized and we went to bed. i texted her random things like we usually do once i got back home the next day but she's been short and has not been texting me like she usually does. my sister says i'm ta for making a big deal out of something "petty" but for me it hurt that she was controlling me being on my phone and implying that i don't care about her just because i wanted to check my messages. aita?

yta

soft yta. it sounds like you really overreacted to what was probably an honest question. you cannot know her intent, and you then forced an apology after starting a fight. i’m really not surprised that she’s being short and distant.

yta. nothing you said here made it sound like she meant anything other than what she said she meant. it does just sound like someone making conversation, lots of people talk about their "social battery", it's not a negative thing. nowhere here does it sound like she was controlling you being on your phone or implying that you don't care. where are you even getting that from? you made assumptions about her intentions, refused to believe anything she said, and jumped down her throat immediately. if you were upset about her being on her phone all day, you could just talk to her about it like an adult instead of projecting your feelings onto her asking an innocent question about you being on your phone.

1262ahp

aita for not blindly believing everything my mom says about my "greedy" uncle, and for asking her to prove he's as awful as she says?

my (51f) mom comes from a large family. she has several siblings, including my uncle randy (61m). about three months ago my granddad passed away after a lengthy battle with cancer, and ever since my mom and her siblings have been hammering out the details to settle my granddad's estate. anyways, for years, my mom has complained that my uncle randy (as well as her other siblings) were going to try and take the house for themselves when my grandad passed. he gave away most of his things prior to his passing, but he has a house out on several acres of land. after his passing everyone agreed to sell the house, land, and belongings, and give all the siblings an equal cut. randy, who is the wealthiest of the siblings, hired a lawyer to draft an agreement reflecting this. all six siblings, including my mother, signed. my husband who is a lawyer even looked it over to ensure it was an equal split, because my mom thought randy was tricking her into agreeing to less. anytime i speak to my mother, she tells me how greedy randy is, and how he manipulated all of the siblings into selling the house against their will. she claims he stole a very expensive hand carved grandfather clock from the house and sold it online. she says there are more documents which show only randy will get the proceeds from the sale of the house. i've asked numerous times for her to share the documents with my husband, who said if what she says is true my mom could likely sue randy. my mom rants constantly, but has turned down any and all legal assistance. she swears she has proof randy sold the hand carved clock, that he tricked her into agreeing to less than she's entitled to, but makes excuses each time i ask her to share this information. i just let her rant now, but it is insanely tiring. this is all she talks about, and her claims become more and more extravagant with every conversation. while at a family picnic a few weeks ago, my mom told everyone and anyone who would listen about what randy was doing. i felt awkward because she kept trying to involve me in the conversations, but i wasn't interested in badmouthing my uncle. a lot of my relatives she spoke to were surprised but sympathetic when she told them he had stolen the clock and put the house in his name, and during one of these conversations she called me out and said something along the lines of, "and my own kid doesn't believe i've been wronged." i was really put off that she dragged me into the conversation at all and haven't spoken to her since. i supported her for years and offered nothing but sympathy and understanding. i have never told her she was exaggerating or wrong, i've always let her vent and tried to be supportive. i *have* asked her for proof, but only so we could help her put together a suit against randy. aita for not just blindly accepting my mom's claims, and asking for proof? should i have publicly defended her when she complained to others about my uncle?

nta

definitely nta i blindly believed things my parents said about certain family members and it wasn’t until i was in my late 30s that i did some digging and found out most were lies with a few truths that had been wildly exaggerated.

nta your mom sounds like she is trying to gaslight you for not blindly believing her. i’d be concerned that she stole the grandfather clock actually with how much she saying, and how little she’s willing to prove.

1262bdn

aita for not giving my 5 year old the phone his grandparents got him for christmas

a bit of context, i (36f) live with my husband (36m) and our two kids (5m, 3f). my in-laws used to watch our kids a couple days a week from when they were a couple months old, until they moved out of state last year. they went from having a constant relationship with our kids to seeing them maybe once a year now. that's all fine, we are obviously sad they moved, but support their decision. then this last christmas, we got a present from them. i opened it because it came way before xmas and was addressed to my husband, inside was a phone case for a phone we don't have. i fb messaged my mil (she never checks her text messages) and asked her about it, she said it was for both my kids and that the phone would be there before xmas. she explained that since we had iphones, and they have androids we can't facetime them and that's all she wanted us to use it for (but that they would also have a data plan in case they want to download games). i was caught off guard because we had never discussed getting them a phone, and in my opinion a phone is a big deal. my mil told me that she had asked my sister in law (who has two kids around the same age) and she was fine with it, so she assumed i would be too. i talked to my husband about it and we both decided that they were too young to have a phone. i messaged my mil that we weren't comfortable with the kids having a phone just yet, but that we were more than happy to do facebook video calls, skype, or zoom whenever they wanted. she said that the phone was already bought and that the plan was already paid for, so when it came i could just throw it away if we didn't want it. it was awkward, but i figured that was the end of it. i never actually threw the phone away though because i've never once thrown any phone away, so i left it wrapped in xmas wrapping and threw it in the top of my closet where things go to die. this month my mil messaged me asking if i still had it, if i could enter a code into it so she could cancel the plan. i found the phone, charged it and turned it on for the first time, then did the code and messaged her that it was finished. she messaged me back saying that they were saddened that we didn't just use it since we didn't have to pay for it and it was just a tool for them to be able to facetime us. i explained that i wish they would have asked us first, and that we still think they are too young, but we're more than willing to use another form of video calling. i feel really bad about the whole situation and i'm second guessing myself... so, aita for not letting my kids use a phone that their grandparents got them?

nta

>my mil told me that she had asked my sister in law (who has two kids around the same age) and she was fine with it, so she assumed i would be too. mil certainly put the "ass" in assumed. still trying to wrap my brain around the reasoning, but in the meantime, op is nta.

nta. i had this same thing happen only our child was a bit older. we are android users, her grandparents are iphone users. they wanted to get her a phone "so they could facetime." we told her she doesn't like phones and she already has a tablet, you can skype. oddly, they never brought it up again and they never actually did it. one of the reasons we said "absolutely not" is that they had told us that their other son regularly used his daughter's iphone to basically spy on her. we suspected that my in-laws intended to do the same and they have never given me any reason to believe any different.

1262drs

wibta for asking my sil to keep her rescue dog away from my children and my wife and i

my sil got a rescue dog last year, a highly anxious staffordshire bull terrier, which we were nervous about being anywhere near our very young children (both under 5, including a toddler), especially off the lead. after a couple of incidents, including lurching for a member of the family (which my sil later denied) and also nipping the family dog. we raised the concern that we don't want the dog in the house and / or around the children. in which we were met with a torrent of abuse and emotional blackmail around them not being able to see our children if the dog can't be there. we were also told we were incredibly mean forcing them between leaving the dog at home (described with a highly emotional narrative of it scratching the door down, being scared etc) and spending time with our children. we didn't really want to fall out with them so we asked them to keep the dog on the lead and not bring it into our house. since then, they have kept pushing the boundaries of bringing it everywhere and gradually letting it off the lead around us. at christmas the dog went crazy at me when i entered the room and i had to shut the door on it as it was jumping up at me and looking like it wanted to bite me. no apology was given or no action taken, apart from 'poor boy' etc to the dog. i don't want to fall out with the in-laws, for my wife's sake, so i let it slide. fast forward to a few weeks ago, we were in their house and they had let the dog off the lead and it was prowling around making us very uncomfortable. it snapped at me again and jumped up at me angrily and i managed to shut it in the kitchen. i was very obviously shaken up and very scared for the children and me and my wife's safety; however, no apology was offered or it wasn't mentioned, apart from them spoiling the dog, saying things like 'poor boy, that must been so hard' and them overly making a fuss of him. i avoided the dog and tried to keep the kids away after also. i didn't want to make a huge fuss as i was scared of making the dog even more nervous / aggressive (?) and my sil going off the handle about it, especially in front of my kids. i've been losing sleep and having nightmares about it hurting any of my family since. wibta for now asking for them to never again bring the dog to our house, for it to be never in the same room as my children indoors and to keep it on the lead safely away from us and the children if we ever meet outdoors? i know i will be met with anger and baseless accusations / emotional blackmail (that we are not allowing them to see our children), but is there really any other way to handle this? or am i being an a?

nta

whoa. nta at all. > in which we were met with a torrent of abuse and emotional blackmail around them not being able to see our children if the dog can't be there. so, they are insisting on bringing their dog to your house? that's some b.s. right there. your house, your rules - period! >we were also told we were incredibly mean forcing them between leaving the dog at home (described with a highly emotional narrative of it scratching the door down, being scared etc) and spending time with our children. no, you're not being mean, you are enforcing your family's very reasonable boundaries. the audacity of your sil! and the entitlement they exhibit towards your children! just...wow. i say this as a dog owner: you and your family are not obligated to be subjected to any dog, especially in your own home. period. doesn't matter if it's a "family member" making the demand. you have said "no", your "no" is to be respected. if that means they don't come over anymore then hallelujuh!!! tell your sil that their dog is not welcome in your home and if they don't like that then they don't have to come over. as for going to her home, you don't really have much say there but your sil is an idiot for not realizing what a liability her dog is. don't go there if you're afraid of their dog, that is the best way to head off a bad situation.

who do you love more, op -- your children or your sil's fragile ego? a friend of ours had a large, protective dog (akbash?) that hated our dog and tried to attack through the fence when we walked by, therefore it grew to hate us too. we were standing talking one day and it sneaked up behind me and nipped my hand! and i'm a dog person!! but my friend always made excuses: "she's just protective. she's just scared of you." it got to the point that when my husband and i came to a new years party at their house (without our dog, naturally), their dog launched straight off its dogbed at him, and my friend's husband had to literally snatch it out of the air by its collar. so from then on i stopped listening to my friend's blather about how the dog "isn't like that" and just made some simple rules, which were non-negotiable: * that dog never ever came to our house * if we were invited to their house, that dog had to be locked in a bedroom, and if it was loose in the house we turned around and left; and * if we were outdoors and saw them approaching, they stopped and leashed their dog or we would not go within 200' of them. op please draw the line. seems like every year, a child like yours is killed by dogs somewhere in the western world. protect your kids, announce your rules and stick to them. nta for doing your job as a careful parent

1262imr

wibta for calling a friend out for not picking up her phone?

i have a friend of mine and while i wouldn’t say we are close friends, we appreciate each other’s companies. one time, i was in the middle of dinner with my roommate and his co-workers and she called me out of the blue. i am usually the person who gets easily concerned and i never want to be the person to not pick up and later hear that i could have potentially saved the the caller’s life. so i picked up and asked her what’s up and she just said she is bored and wants to talk. i went to my room and talked to her for a bit. fast-forward to a couple of weeks after, i happened to be on the tram and i saw her sitting ahead of me. so i didn’t feel like going all the way to her so instead i called her, and she literally ignored my call. then she stood up and was about to walk out when i waved at her and she was like “oh hey”. she seemed taken off guard. i jokingly confronted her for not picking up and she was like “yea idk i saw you were calling”. i definitely felt annoyed but not hurt considering our relationship isn’t too close so my expectations of her are low, but at least reciprocate it?? anyway, would i be the asshole for calling her out on it and making a deal out of it and would that make me petty?

yta

yta who wants to talk on the tram? i don't answer calls on it. its kinda rude.

who calls while traveling in a tram to a person who is in the same tram??? anyway yta. nobody has to answer a call if they don't want to. same is for you. you don't have to answer every call. so here is what i do. i have mostly my phone on silent, but not for my partner, mom, brother and sisters. the people who would actually call me in an emergency. people who are not on that list, i don't have to talk to if i don't want to. if it is really important my friends know they have to call twice. (that way my phone rings anyway). and they don't abuse that system. yta. just because you find it important, does not mean the other person has to do the same. it is madning to be available at all time for everyone.

1262l7c

aita for paying my friend back?

i (19f) am currently in college. my parents don’t want me to work because they want me to focus on my studies so i receive a monthly allowance of 250$ a month instead. usually towards the end of the month i run out of money as i live in the dorm and don’t have a kitchen thus i resort to fast food or snacks from the grocery store. i ran out of money last month and my roommate (19f) offered to get me a few groceries on the condition that i pay her back. i of course paid her back at the beginning of this month because i received my allowance. my mother found out that i used cash app to pay my roommate back by going through my mail and opening my bank statements. when i explained to her that i was simply paying back my roommate for a favor she blew up on me saying that she shouldn’t have to pay to support two people and that i was just giving out my money. she said that i was being ungrateful and that 250$ is enough to get me through the whole month if not more. so reddit, aita for paying my friend back or is my mother right that i am being ungrateful?

nta

nta obviously. your mother has a serious trust issue if she feels the need to check your bank statements to monitor how you are spending the money that she gives to you (and is therefore yours). the money you gave to your friend was indirectly being spent on groceries. she also doesn't get to declare how much is "enough" for your living costs. apparently $250 is not enough, hence why you did what you did.

nta - how is that “supporting two people”? you weren’t buying dinner for your roomie, just repaying them what you borrowed.

1262sg9

aita for going off on my parents after they invited my brother's ex boyfriend to his birthday dinner?

my (24m) younger brother "carver" has always had kind of an odd relationship with our parents. we're from the country and growing up our parents were real big on traditional roles and all us boys being strong men. we of course all played sports and hunted etc.. carver is gay and has been out since the 7th grade and we all accepted it even our parents though it was still expected of him to be traditionally masculine and our parents didn't really ike the boys he dated unless they were the same. so that's who he mainly dated in highschool including one of his teammates "tyler" (20m) who my parents love/d who turned out to be an abusive pos. they broke up after graduating highschool after i got tyler to "leave him alone". carver met this new guy "carlos" (19m) at school and my parents hate him because he's way more "fancy" to their liking with his painted nails and wearing girls clothes sometimes. they pretty much openly dislike him. carver was home with carlos over the weekend for his birthday and we decided to throw him a party. our parents invited some of carvers old teammates/friends over which for some reason included tyler.. i could see carver tensing up when he saw him and he just kinda played it off not wanting to make a scene infront of our younger brothers who like tyler.( they dont know why he broke up with tyler) my parents were all friendly with him too while openly disparaging carlos. carver and carlos left as soon as the party was over. later i pulled my parents asided and asked them what the hell that was about. they said they were just trying to shoe carver a good guy he could date. i reminded them why they broke up and they just it was "boys being boys" and it wasn't that serious because tyler's a good kid. i yelled at them that tha was f'ing crazy and to not pull something like that again. they got pissed and said i had no right to talk to them like that and now i've been getting calls from extended family about how they couldn't believe i went off like that on them. aita?

nta

nta you are never the ah for defending someone you love. particularly when it feels like they are being deliberately harmed. honestly, maybe you both should consider going low contact with your parents for a while.

absolutely nta it is extremely sad for your brother that his parents care more about him being with a masculine man than being safe.

1262vv8

aita for asking if i can keep the apartment cold since i’m sick?

i (21 f) live with 3 other roomates (penny, jane and sarah). we agreed on a temperature during the day and overnight because we had a lot of problems with the ac in the past. 2 of us (jane and i) like to have the ac cold (69°) while the other two like to have the apartment hot (75°). this morning i woke up sweating because i was running a fever. i got sick over the weekend and i have been waking up sweating in the middle of the night. when i got up, penny was in the kitchen making breakfast. i asked her if it’s okay if i can keep the apartment cold (70°) since i was sweating. i told her i had my fan on and the window open but i was still overheated. she said that “just because i’m sick that doesn’t mean the world revolves around me” and that i could “just open my window since it is cold enough outside”. i was taken aback and didn’t say anything. she then said that its more of a money thing than anything else. some facts to note here: 1) it was 66° outside, so yes my room would cool down over time but i was looking for a fast solution. 2) penny leaves her window open when its 80° or hotter outside while the ac is running during the day. 3) penny has work from early in the morning till like 6pm. 4) i told penny that she can put the ac on whatever temperature for one day in return for letting me lower it. i didn’t change the ac all day and ive kinda just been sweating in my room. when penny got home she said hi and slammed the door shut in her room. aita for asking about changing the ac temp during the day? 1) i have an ear infection which is noncontagious so im okay to kinda interact with people. this interaction also took all of 1 minute and we were 5 feet apart. 2) i have purchased a fan. it still gets very hot especially since it has brick. 3) im moving out in one month so installing a window unit will be difficult but still possible. 4) penny constantly doesn’t care about our agreement with the ac. we said we would have it at 72 or 73 at all times during the day. there are times that i come home and its at 75 or 76. she doesn’t ask if thats fine. 5) the other roomates were all fine with it and they are the ones that would be home, not penny.

yta

yta. it is a shared living space and you did have an agreement. also, there was a solution to stay in your room and keep the windows open- if your sickness is contagious like the flu is, then you really should be staying in your roon anyway.

yta, especially if it's 66 degrees outside. unless you're willing to pay significantly more of the electric cost, because 6 degrees is a huge difference in cost.

1262wd2

aita for getting busy when i go to see my bf?

my bf & i are long distance so i go to see him about every few months & in the past when i’ve gone to see him i wasn’t great at texting my friend back all the time & even when i was home i would tell her i had to go if he called me and she would say she feels like i’m choosing him over her and i’m making him a priority so i acknowledged that i hurt her and apologized for doing those things and started telling him i was already talking to her whenever he would call. this time around i texted her everyday when i went there but she assumed because i was going to see him before i came to see her before her birthday that i wasn’t going to come see her anymore. i even offered to fly straight from where my bf lives to go see her instead of going home first and she suddenly told me she doesn’t know if her family will let me even though before her family said i could come anytime & she’d rather talk about visiting her when i go back home. so i get back home & she says she’ll ask her family & she never does she also suddenly doesn’t think we should move in together cause in her mind “we’re in 2 different places in our lives” even tho we been making plans to move in together for months. she then said my bf has changed me, i haven’t been a good friend, and i never acknowledge when i hurt her so she cut me off. for context she’s told me twice before that she feels like she might be in love with me while i’ve been with my bf, felt like any of her friends in her life that got a bf/gf were automatically abandoning her & felt like i was doing the same but she claims her cutting me off is because i’ve hurt her and it’s not about my bf. she’s also had me apologize many times for those things she said she already forgives me for but she said she was too hurt for us to keep being friends. she also told me she’s codependent on me in the text she sent of her cutting me off.

nta

nta, the simple and probably best solution for you and your mental health would be to thank her for the friendship, but it's time for you both to move on. then don't respond if she keeps messaging you. there is a very strong narcissism and toxicity with her. continue the friendship and you'll be apologizing for existing and every other relationship you have will be effected/damaged because of what she will demand of you.

nta, but this sounds like a pretty dysfunctional friendship. would it be possible for you to accept that you have been cut off and just run with it? the way things are now doesn't seem fair to you, the one you love, or the one who apparently is in love with you.

1262x7e

aita for letting the neighbor kid’s bike get stolen and not replacing it

my neighbors kids keep leaving things in our front yard. they leave toys, balls, frisbees, bikes and even one of those electric cars. it’s a huge problem for us because we can never just leave the driveway without checking to see if it’s clear and our lawn guy won’t cut out grass if it is littered with stuff. we have talked to their mother about the issue but nothing ever changed. we then resorted to harshly throwing their stuff in their own yard and also running their stuff over in our driveway. of course some of their things got damaged and their mom would come yelling at us but we would just tell her if you keep their stuff out our yard this wouldn’t happen. one day i was leaving for an appointment and i saw one of their bikes in our yard. i was running late so i said i would deal with it later. when i got back the bike was gone, i just assumed the mom had come get it. a couple minutes after the school bus passes the mom comes banging at my door asking for the bike. i told her it was gone by the time i got home. she didn’t believe me and told me to have the bike back by tomorrow afternoon so she would call the police. i asked my husband if he knew anything and he said the same thing, it was there when he left and gone when he came back. while i don’t have a security camera the neighbor across the street has one that catches half way into my yard. when i asked her to see the footage you could see a truck drive up to my yard a man get out and put the bike in his truck then drive off. when i got the mom to show her i thought she would apologize for accusing me and use this as a lesson for her kids. instead she blamed me for leaving it out there and not moving it. she said if i don’t replace the bike she will take legal action. i’m pretty sure i’m in the clear legally but maybe morally i’m in the wrong. it’s not the kid’s fault their mom refuses to teach them any better and i do move the bike every other time it’s out there. the one time i don’t it’s get stolen and i do feel a bit upset especially since i know how it feels to have stuff stolen.

nta

nta. it's not your responsibility to protect people from their own laziness and stupidity.

nta how could you possibly be responsible for someone else's stuff dumped into your yard without permission? perhaps you should threaten to countersue for harassment and the illegal dumping on your property.

12631ba

aita for kicking my son’s girlfriend out of our house?

my husband (58 m) and i (56 f) recently met my son’s (24 m) girlfriend for the first time. he’s been crazy about her. apparently they’ve been dating for a year before he decided to have her meet us officially. what he’s told us about her all seems great: she just got her degree, was enjoying her job, family-oriented, etc., i’m honestly just glad he’s happy with her. my husband and i don’t think he’s ever been this into someone before, so i feel pretty bad about what i did. last weekend, he brought her over for dinner. by now we’d been anticipating meeting her with how much our son has been gushing about her. how perfect she is, that she’s ‘the one’, in his words. they ring the doorbell. we open the door. she looks exactly like her pictures, which is a great start. my son is grinning ear to ear - another great start. we invite them in. she accepts my hug and a firm handshake from my husband, and then she opens her mouth: “i’m the one your son puts his penis in.” to be frank, i was appalled. i expected my husband to laugh (both he and my son are jokesters, and as annoying as it can be i love it) but this was just too much for me. maybe i’m reserved, but of all things she could have shared about my son she told us that. one look at my face and my husband knew how much i disapproved. maybe i let my expectations get too high, and it’s unfair to have them, but i reiterate: of all things to say to her boyfriend’s parents - whom she’d never met - she chose that? my son was amused at first but when he noticed my reaction his face dropped. i felt like he’d sold me the full package, everything he’d always been looking for in a girlfriend. i was too disturbed by the visual it put in my head, and it translated into anger. i told her to get out, and i wanted to say more about how gross it made me feel but i fortunately left it at that. my son didn’t want to go, insisting i give her another chance, but i was too fed up and uncomfortable by this point. even my husband, who’s enjoyed his fair share of raunchy jokes, wouldn’t let up. they left and i immediately felt guilty. this was something my son had really looked forward to and i feel like i took that away over a dumb joke. i tried calling to apologize but he hasn’t responded. my husband thinks she’s the one who should apologize. i’m considering giving her another chance, but before i do, was i the ah? my husband had no part in my reaction, i did the kicking out, not him. i don’t want him taking the fall for this. he said she should apologize, but i’m not expecting an apology. sorry for the confusion. my son lives in a nearby state, it can take about an hour to get back to where we live. he also hasn’t dated anyone seriously for a while, maybe a couple of years. he told us before that he wouldn’t bring anyone home unless he’s sure he wants a future with her. we’ve been asking to meet her ever since he told us about her, but he wanted to be ready. the comment about her looking like her picture shows my age, sorry for that! he’s only shown us her photos she’s sent him as he apparently didn’t have any of them together (he hates taking pictures and apparently she’s always teasing him about it). i don’t think he’d ever lie about who she is, but it’s just a parental concern i’ve subconsciously had. i felt the same way about my daughter’s (then) boyfriend when we first met him. i don’t have any criteria that either of my kids’ spouses need to meet, i just hope my kids are happy with them. what i meant by her being ‘the full package’ was indicative of what he’s told us about her. as his parents we have a good idea of what he looks for in a partner and she checked off everything based on what we’d been told. and on top of everything (aside from what she said) her appearance was how she presented it to be. again, we aren’t strict about appearances, it’s just a relief to have met someone for the first time and they look like what you’d expected. my husband said that i was worried about ‘second-hand catfishing’ if that’s even a thing lol. i guess it shows how anxious i was about this. also thank you for your comments and rewards! i’ve had a fee people reach out to me personally, too, thank you for that. regardless of where you stand, i appreciate it. i personally think everyone needs some room for improvement here but i’ve done my part to make amends and i’m waiting on my son to call me! i’ll be sure to give an update about how it goes.

nta

nta. this just doesn’t sit right. you said your son was all big smiles and amusement when they arrived and up until he son realized you weren’t all that impressed. you also said he jokes around like that with his dad… what are the chances it was your sons idea all along and she just (regretfully) went along with it? because if that’s the case, you probably can’t get ahold of him because he’s doing damage control with his girlfriend who’s now mortified and angry that his *super funny joke* gave you the worst impression of her that she could imagine.

nta. i am the biggest jokester around. i love inappropriate jokes. i love making people cringe. but there's a time and place and reading the room. i would never do that as my first impression with my partner's parents. if into the evening we're all getting along, sure maybe we'll get there and we'll all have a laugh, but not as the first words out of her mouth. did you react well? no. do i blame you? nope. did she even try to apologize before leaving? like read the room, saw and heard you shooing her away, and did she go "omg i totally started this off poorly and that joke was wholly inappropriate. i am so sorry?"?

12634vb

wibta if i denied all of my mil's life wishes?

tl;dr: future mil has wishes and expectations of having grandbabies, raising the grandbabies, living with her son, being taken on vacations, and being given financial support that they don't need. this is culturally in line with what can be expected in their home country, but i don't care and plan to reject every single one. \- my partner (31m) and i (26f) have been together for more than 7 years. i'd like to ask reddit's judgment so i can decide to either stand my ground or reconsider the hills i die on. for background, partner's parents are immigrants who moved to the us a couple decades ago. they're the typical rags-to-comfort immigrant story. now they own a house, are healthy, relatively young, still work, have built up a social network of friends locally. these past few years, future mil has shared her life wishes for the following, all of which belong in the "hell to the no, f\*\*k that" category for me: * she wants bio babies. - currently, we are in the childfree camp. she's distraught about this and brings up the topic multiple times. * she expects to live with us. - she has offered to "gift" us a downpayment under the condition we get a house with a permanent space for them. also insists she'll move in with us when we get our own place so she can "help" raise the babies. i would be open to living with her only if medically necessary. * she expects to be taken on extravagant vacations. - she recently learned of our couple's international trip and is demanding to be treated to future out of country vacations because she is getting "old and you don't know how much time we have left together" * she expects money. - she has asked for money and it is the expectation that we give the parents part of our monthly income, even though they don't need it? not to mention i have tons of student loans and no savings yet. they ask for our financial info like salary, loans, expenses, etc. i keep everyone on an info diet but my partner does not. to me, the above sounds sprinkled with guilt trips and feels like mil wants to be my partner's wife. i myself come from an immigrant family (different country but culturally similar) and so i am very familiar with the dynamics and expectations from their home country. it is precisely why these life "goals" of my future mil were my dealbreakers before i even met her. i have experienced and witnessed enough emotional manipulation, loss of privacy/autonomy, marriage strain, etc. through my own family. i love my partner and am ok with building boundaries as long as we have each others' backs. as i find myself having similar issues with both sets of parents due to cultural expectations, i am thinking that my approach may be too abrupt (single generation overhaul of their wishes) and maybe i should compromise. for now this is a hill i will die on. reddit, would i be the asshole for denying what seems like the culturally normal life wishes of my future mil?

nta

nta. you're not obligated to be your mil's caretaker, baby farm, and piggy bank.

nta - you and your partner have your own lives to live. it doesn't sound as if either of your families is in medical or financial need--they just have a lot of selfish, entitled wants. guess what--they are all old enough that their wants won't hurt them much. yes, this is going to be a very sudden change in one generation, but change has to start somewhere and i seriously doubt that they are going to be any more unhappy with you for dying on all of those hills rather than just some of them. however, you and your partner really have to be on the same page, both as to not indulging these selfish and outdated attitudes and keeping everyone on a very limited information diet at all times. if you aren't together on this, you might as well pack it in and give them what they want or rethink the entire relationship because the result of disconnect here is going to be never-ending stress and grief. i wish you luck!!

1263hvm

aita for not giving a wedding present i promised because i was uninvited?

i(32m)was invited to a wedding of an acquaintance of mine named molly a few months ago. i’m not super close to her or her fiancé, but i love weddings so i said yeah i’ll go. now, the relevant part here is that i have a very good career and make an excellent living. plus i love giving gifts and splurging a bit. so, i spoke with molly and her fiancé and promised them a custom made gaming pc since they game together. they were very happy, and thanked me a lot . the price of the pc would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor i was willing to throw in. a two months ago, molly told me that unfortunately i had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost cutting measure. she apologized, but assured me it was only because of cost. i was upset, but let it go. then i found out a week or so later from a mutual acquaintance that was still going that molly told her she had to cut people because she needed the invites for some of the groom’s family who decided to come. i was pissed, so i decided to not give molly the pc i promised. molly’s wedding happened two weeks ago and from what i can tell, it was a nice ceremony. afterward she actually texted me asking if we can talk about when the pc would arrive. i asked if we could call, she said yes. i told her that since i didn’t go to the wedding that i wasn’t going to get her a gift. we had a long argument, where she said i was being petty and that i was holding it against her that i couldn’t come and that i made a promise. i didn’t tell her what i knew because i wanted to protect the person who told me. she called me a petty ah and complained to our friend group. i explained to a few select people the whole story, most agreed with me, but some said that weddings cause people to make very tough decisions that aren’t personal. now i’m doubting myself, maybe it wasn’t personal and i’m just being petty, but she did lie to me and uninvited me while still expecting an expensive gift from me. so reddit, aita? hey everyone. i didn't expect this thread to blowup so much! i left it overnight and came back from work to find my inbox begging for mercy haha. thanks for the responses everyone, i appreciate it, i've gained some real insight here, i appreciate it. also apparently this was posted on another sub where they called it fake. i mean i guess i can't change their mind, but please do know i have way better things to do than make fake stories and put them on the internet for clout. anyway, i just had to say that i didn't feel entitled to bring invited over the groom's family. i just didn't appreciate being lied to, had she told me why she needed to cancel then i wouldn't have minded as much. i just don't understand the need for subterfuge. also, i know fuck all about pc gaming, i'm a console gamer. i saw some people saying that the pc was cheap so i'll explain. i looked up a gaming pc from a site called digital storm, i gave them a model, they liked it and i ordered it. also, i don't plan on stop giving gifts, but i will probably scale back on the grandiosity. hope that clears up stuff! thank you all, you've been great.

nta

molly is delusional if she expects an acquaintance who was uninvited to still give a gift. nta

nta who the hell expects a gift from someone they uninvited?!

1263wpe

aita for keeping a dog i found

so long story short, a year ago i found a dog when i was moving cross country (went to school on the west coast of us and was moving back to my home state on the east coast. in the middle of the desert in arizona headed to nm, i saw a dog running along the interstate. i impulsively stopped scooped up the pup and continued on my way. she had a collar on with no tags, but it was obviously tight on her like shed been outgrowing it, and she was incredibly skinny. i had hotels reserved for my trip and i didn't want to waste money so i just kept driving. the next stop after scooping her was albuquerque and i was afraid of what would happen to her if i just dropped her off at a shelter somewhere in a big city. so i cleaned her up, got her back east with me and finally got her seen by a vet. she was atleast 10-15+ lbs underweight (even after a week of me trying to fatten her up) and she was unchipped, so i just kept her. here's where i'm worried i'm the ah. i did not try to find her owners. by the collar i know someone had her before. i definitely made excuses for myself to keep her. i won't lie i fell in love with how quirky she was. i wanted to keep her, i felt a connection with her. and i know she loves me 100% at this point. when i stopped in nm for pet supplies and told the story to some locals, they automatically assumed she had been dumped so i just kept telling myself thats what happed. id like to think that if her previous owners truly loved her then they'd just be happy with her in a loving home and not starving in the middle of nowhere, but i know that's me justifying my actions and selfishness if theyre actually looking for her. i was totally capable of atleast posting her photo to a lost and found site for the area but i never did. to be fair a couple months ago i did try and search through a lost and found site to see if anyone had been looking for her, but never saw anything that could have been for her so reddit, aita? and should i try to find her previous owners, even though it's been a year since i found her?

nta

nta -- dogs sadly do get dumped off on the side of the interstate often. our families dog came from an entire litter of black labs that were found in a box alongside the road (apparently, there are some parts of america that have a stigma against black dogs and breeders have trouble selling them). were there any campgrounds nearby? that's the only other possibility: that maybe she ran away from her family while camping or hiking. but the fact that she was unchipped, the collar had no address (?), and that she was so skinny, seems indicative that she had been out there for a while and you saved her life. i can understand having ethical concerns because she was wearing a collar already. but it really does seem likely that she was abandoned.

info: were there homes nearby? . i’m thinking nta, but i’d look for lost dog postings on the area you found her. just see if anyone was looking for her. just love her lots , honestly if her collar was too tight and she was underweight i’d feel safe to assume she didn’t have the best life

12642ns

aita for crying about my parents divorce?

i (16f) have recently had a hard time with my parents pending divorce. for some context so this makes a bit more sense: * i have been diagnosed with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and aspergers (a form of autism), so if i seem particularly emotional about things, or lack thereof, that is most likely why. * this is my parents' second or third divorce. for context, my parents both had previous marriages before this. my dad had three kids with his ex-wife and my mom had three kids with her ex-husband, and when i was in elementary school my parents got divorced, then got back together. * i am the only one left in school and my brother does live with us (he is only 19 dw) but he is about to go to college, though sometimes his girlfriend stays the night. for the last year and a half my mom (f 48 i think) and my dad (m 51) have been arguing most days, this varies a lot, this may be my mom spending too much money, my dad being bitter, etc. recently though my dad has found out that my mom has been texting other men, to be fair, i don't know the exact details of this. in the past my mom has cheated on my dad with another man, hence the first divorce, and my dad cheated on his ex-wife. the difference is that my dad has admitted his faults openly, meanwhile my mom to this day denies them despite evidence. my mom has also been known to be impressionable. she soaks up their habits and personalities and make them her own, for instance, she had a friend who had kids in the cheerleading squad, well guess who's children had to take cheerleading, etc, and now she had a friend i will call rea, she and her husband had more of a .. casual relationship, they were by law married but emotionally not so much, she also has a campsite, drinks alcohol a lot, and she does drugs, well whoop dee doo my mom does all of those things now. for the last week or so my parents have been really arguing, my mom at first was just staying away from home, now she hasn't been here for almost a 1 ½ weeks, she came to get clothes once and she wasn't even going to talk to me, she has always been this way. well recently my mom has gone off the rails. she suddenly has flown to another state half-way across the country, and she is telling my dad to sell the house and stuff. meanwhile this whole time my dad has been telling me about this stuff, he has asked for hugs and comfort, i have also done the same with my brother. well just a few hours ago he told me on how we need to find a new place to stay in the next few months, i was laying on the ground and i began to cry, i guess it all caught up with me, my whole life is here, so moving states away would up-root my everything! what my dad said in response is "you are 16 and a young adult, i came to talk to you about this as adults, not for you to cry." i thought he was harsh but i don't know, i might just be adding more stress for him. so, reddit, am i the one in the wrong? also sorry if there is some info missing, if you want ill make an update.

nta

nta this is really messed up. i know it's your normal, but trust me, this is not how adults are supposed to behave. your mom isn't supposed to be acting like a spaz. your dad isn't supposed to look to you as his new emotional support. you are 16. probably a really amazing 16 year old, but still 16. all this is not and should not be your responsibility to hold emotionally. i'm an adult. i'd be crying too. please see a school counselor if you can. please try to get some mental health support. again, you are so so not the a-hole for crying. with what you have described, it's a very normal response to what going on. sending you mommy hugs

nta at all. it is normal to have emotions when your life is changing drastically. it's normal to cry, even as an adult. further, your dad shouldn't be talking to you as one adult to another, because that is not the nature of your relationship. this is a potentially traumatic moment and he needs to be your dad. this also means not relying on you for emotional support, and it definitely means supporting you.

1264dtj

aita for telling my father he's not welcome at my wedding? (i'm the bride)

i (the bride) am getting married this summer. the date was finally set, and i let my father know. my partner and i decided to set a date about four months away, so i wanted to clear some things up with everyone and get things organized asap. i expressed to my father that i wanted to have him and my step-dad walk me down the aisle because my step-dad has been in my life since i was three. my father blew up and told me i was kicking him in the nuts, metaphorically stabbing him in the back, disrespecting him, and taking away his right as a father to do this. he believes that no stepfather should have the right to walk down the aisle with another man's daughter. i am absolutely devastated and torn because i love my father, but my stepdad has been there through everything. he has been more of a father to me than my father, and i feel like he deserves this, too. for context, my father has never really been a main part of my life. i've never really felt like i mattered to him. here's some examples; he moved to a different province because he said there was nothing for him here.. even though i live in this province. in the last 14 years, i have seen my father 10 times. it usually ends with me having a mental breakdown or crying or a huge argument. he only started putting effort into our relationship when he was no longer contractively obligated to pay for me through child support and i had a say in if i wanted to see him. he came around, using the excuse that i am all he has, and he doesn't have much time left (he's 56 and not sick). he never made his visits and told me it was too hard for him to make the drive. he chose my college graduation day to serve my mother child support cancelation papers, then expected someone to drive him to the airport an hour away, an hour before my party and got mad when no one could. he chose to sit in an airport for 27 hours instead of celebrating my graduation with me and texted me the whole time about how miserable he was. when he has the opportunity to visit, he chooses times that benefit him more. for example, he could have visited on my birthday or father's day, and he chose fathers day. even if i express that doesn't work for me. he refused to get vaccinated for me so he could travel to see me during covid, and only did so because it became mandatory for work. he has made me feel in this situation that i am being incredibly inconsiderate of his feelings. i stood my ground and told him that i'm not bending for this. he can either accept what i want or he doesn't come. i told him i would not be dealing with this, and it's his choice. he hasn't talked to me since. am i the asshole?

nta

honestly, i am surprised you are inviting him at all. he doesn’t deserve to even be a guest. nta.

nta he showed his true colors throughout your life. your step father has been there for you. your wedding is about you and your groom, not your dad

1264g3l

aita for lying to everyone i know about my parents

recently, my friends have started noticing a lot of the stuff i say about my parents isn’t consistent to what i’ve said before and to other people. i usually tell people my parents are dead, while one of them is now, i said this before my mum had died anyway. i had told people when i was about 10 that my mum lived in america (i live in the uk) and couldn’t visit. to this day some people i know still believe this, among countless other lies i’ve came up with over the years. but because of my inconsistencies with my stories, my friends have started to realise i’m lying to them. i’m only close to one of my friends, and even she doesn’t know a lot about me. she had asked me about why i’m secretive before but she never really dwelled on it and she kinda left it after i said she just doesn’t ask much. i think it’s because she felt bad that she didn’t ask because she always spoke about her family, which makes me feel bad because that’s not why i don’t tell her but i can’t tell her why. now though, she had brought it up again after she spoke with another friend of mine about my dad (whom my other friend thinks is dead), while my close friend knows he’s alive. she brought this up in-front of all of my friends who thought my dad was dead. i had never even thought about telling them, it’s not like some elaborate scheme to stay mysterious. my family life is just extremely complicated and i just don’t tell anyone that information. for a little bit of background, my mum had never really been in my life until i was 12 and she passed away last year when i was 14, and i haven’t lived with my dad since i was 11 (i’ve been in foster care ). which is why my parents were never brought up around friends because i didn’t speak to them. because my friends don’t know why i’m lying to them, they think i’m trying to act like my parents are dead for pity and attention. which is not why i say it. if i wanted pity i’d tell them the full story but its just easier to say they died when i was young. they never ask questions and leave it at that. i don’t know if this is my fault and i should have just told them the truth or i’m being fair. i know a lot of people will say ‘oh you have every right to say what you want about your parents to people you don’t trust’, but i do trust some of my friends and i still lie to them. it’s just easier for me. i feel bad because i’m lying to people i care about but i know that this way is easier and had always worked for me. i have known my friends for years and for some a decade, i trust them with my life in all fairness. but they distancing from me because of my lies. i’ve been excluded from school for a month or so for other reasons and normally they’d text but they haven’t. i don’t know what to do or if i’m in the wrong, my friends are always honest with me and i feel like i was tricking them looking back now. aita?

nta

nta. you don’t owe anyone an explanation about personal situations that could be painful for you to talk about, process, or relive. that being said, your friends may feel confused that what you’re saying has changed over time. perhaps it could be useful to let them know that while you understand their confusion, you do not want to discuss your parents right now because it is difficult for you. true friends will respect that.

nta you should seek therapy about your situation, mate. it is abnormal and must be an incredibly weight to carry.