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Topic,TEXT
Narcasist,an interesting profession Kyle you're a public person okay and when you're a public person people know who you are
Narcasist,right and that can that can have some risks you know it might give people carte blanche to criticize you but it
Narcasist,also benefits you know if you're recognized you might get a special benefit of some kind whatever form it
Narcasist,takes does that matter to you it doesn't matter if I get a special benefit yeah
Narcasist,let me again I'm saying that you're a public person do you expect it no no bill let's be real I'm public compared
Narcasist,to like somebody who maybe works in a restaurant but not Ryan Seacrest and I mean met circle videos get a lot of
Narcasist,views sure I I don't expect any of that and I don't think I would ever expect do
Narcasist,you covet it having that like ability to you know people making parting the seas for you
Narcasist,here comes Kyle no that would feel uncomfortable okay alright so that kind
Narcasist,of attention on you yeah and especially now that I'm thinking about especially if it was only because they saw in that
Narcasist,circle video right well they give they if I went to a restaurant and they were
Narcasist,like we have a table right up here and I was like oh cool thank you I would feel special because they just did just
Narcasist,happen to happen yeah but if they were like because you're from med circle we gave this table be like why because I
Narcasist,did a job right cuz I did my everyone everyone did so the producer doesn't get
Narcasist,a table because she just worked as hard as everybody else but she doesn't get one because she didn't ask questions on
Narcasist,a couch absolutely okay alright so how do you deal with frustration mm-hm
Narcasist,sometimes I go eat fast food sometimes I take a nap
Narcasist,sometimes I have a fake conversation with myself or the person that I'm
Narcasist,frustrated with and just get it all out like that but I try to if I feel
Narcasist,frustration coming on I'm pretty good about getting under control before it's out of control his rage ever been a
Narcasist,problem for you mmm what let's say you were talking about I mean I always I'm
Narcasist,always interested to hear how people deal with you know one of the most frustrating things we could do is deal with customer service yeah that's right
Narcasist,you're on hold for a long time then the person answers it's clear that they you know they're probably answered you're
Narcasist,one of a million calls they might even be working for 20 companies that day you can't get to the person who can answer the question and they keep clearly the
Narcasist,reading from a script' you get frustrated what would you deal with the call like that okay well I'll tell you very
Narcasist,honestly today I would deal with a call like that I would be frustrated huh but
Narcasist,I would deal with it and what I think is the most efficient way to a solution for whatever the reason I'm calling now ten
Narcasist,years ago it would have not been that way I would have been irate screaming
Narcasist,yelling I mean just just so it did my my
Narcasist,anger right we're not equal what was actually happening happen what caused the change because I realized it was
Narcasist,I was having I was losing okay I was losing all right I still didn't get my
Narcasist,cable bill paid and now I'm angry and all worked up for a stupid reason and I
Narcasist,knew this would go on for as long as I was alive so I might as well make these things not angry today I had to call a
Narcasist,roofing company and they had not called me back they had not emailed they said they were gonna do this and this and
Narcasist,this and they did none of those things and normally 10 years ago I would have told them what was up today I said guys
Narcasist,this is what's happened I don't know why you're promising one thing but not delivering but can you please XYZ all
Narcasist,right I already know and that just makes everything better uh-huh okay when you when you overall
Narcasist,think about how you feel about your life right now hmm how do you how do you feel about
Narcasist,like where you're at in life well I was just thinking about this yesterday I don't what a night I don't think this is
Narcasist,the most overall content and happy that
Narcasist,I've ever been in my life ever and that
Narcasist,includes the time I had my first dream job of working with animals mm-hmm
Narcasist,when I thought oh man it doesn't get better than this this is this is it for me it was my childhood dream to work
Narcasist,with animals I got to do it but now I look at life and five pillars and
Narcasist,friends family finances career which are different and health and all of those
Narcasist,are so good right now that I like I think this is the best it's ever been
Narcasist,yeah okay so I'm gonna I'm gonna put a sort of hypothetical to you Greg hey things are good yeah anyone's able to be
Narcasist,doing doing well when things in those in those realms are good to be honest with you no not at all sorry I will say some
Narcasist,people even with all those things good they still find something to harp at but most would tomorrow mentor Collette did
Narcasist,you go yeah okay you get fired okay we found someone who found someone else to do your job you're not.you know or and
Narcasist,you love this job you may very clear you love what you get to do here love the people you work with how
Narcasist,do you how would you cope with something like that I would honestly just throw
Narcasist,myself back into the other in front of camera projects that I'm not doing
Narcasist,because I'm okay how would you feel about yourself if okay if I'll just add
Narcasist,to your hypothetical if they fired me because they the company was like we
Narcasist,just we just don't want they want a woman now you know we've had all these great these had all these great
Narcasist,interviews with you're a guy we're on a woman so it's not you like you could not morph into a woman so you couldn't do so
Narcasist,yeah no but even though I can't warfarin a woman that would be devastated I would okay yeah I'd be really upset mm-hmm
Narcasist,yeah why well because I'm losing like my thing mm-hmm I'm losing I'm losing a really important
Narcasist,thing in my life yeah and I I did and I
Narcasist,don't want to lose it for any for any reason yeah so that would hurt a lot
Narcasist,would you be able to let go of it yeah of course mm-hmm yeah yeah and I would watch like the next two videos and then
Narcasist,critique everything she did and be like that's not good that's not and then I would stop watching the videos because it goes be too hard I would just move on
Narcasist,with my life okay yeah um how do you handle criticism I'd say 90% of the time
Narcasist,incredibly well no what about the other 10% terrible why what what differentiates the 90 normally the
Narcasist,source the source what kind of source can be that part of that ten percent which throws you off a source that would
Narcasist,have no reason to critique those subjects that we're talking about uh-huh it's like I see you know I I was an
Narcasist,animal behaviorist for 15 years mm-hmm so you're a first-time dog owner and you
Narcasist,want to set me down and talk about how to potty train your dog and I'm not gonna take those critiques very well
Narcasist,because I just don't think they know okay but if you're gonna critique me on mental health I'm going to be all-in
Narcasist,right if director critiques me on my hosting performance and be like yeah I need to
Narcasist,listen to that yeah do you have any people in your life that you feel genuinely jealous or covetous of their
Narcasist,lives that I'm jealous of their lives occasionally I'm jealous of one friend
Narcasist,because she's done so well in the industry in her career so well in an
Narcasist,industry that's so competitive and I know there's a couple friends who have
Narcasist,really great marriages and relationships and I guess I am jealous I don't think
Narcasist,I'm like jealous where I can't you know my friends and have you member or would you maybe I should ask you or have you
Narcasist,ever take advantage of a person to forward your cause or get your needs met
Narcasist,of course mm-hmm yeah I think when you
Narcasist,say take advantage I feel like it's it sounds like I didn't they didn't know I
Narcasist,was doing it but I'm pretty transparent I go hey do you know that person can you
Narcasist,email them for me I would like to meet them you know like let's do it so yeah I
Narcasist,do that has it ever happened in a way that were someone's like oh here comes Kyle thank you so you're okay I mean if
Narcasist,if someone watched that and I have done that tell me because I don't think that's the case at all yeah so how do
Narcasist,you I mean none of us are perfect we all have parts of ourselves that we're not fond of no how do you manage
Narcasist,that part of yourself well I go to therapy okay good yeah I read a lot I
Narcasist,try to be as honest with myself as I am with everybody else and there's also a point of just knowing
Narcasist,that I'm not perfect okay ever like and you're never going to get to a place
Narcasist,where you're like I and I'm done like self improvement over and so I think that's how I manager mm-hmm what's your
Narcasist,what's your favorite part of yourself your favorite aspect of yourself probably my ability to have a relentless
Narcasist,pursuit on whatever my target is okay whether that's a career
Narcasist,getting my dog to do what she needs to do anything finances relationships
Narcasist,friendships family once I narrow in on something then that's it I mean listen
Narcasist,after this conversation I'm not you do not have narcissistic sorry yeah I know
Narcasist,you were could you could you imagine okay but I trust me I've done interviews
Narcasist,with people in the media where I'm like oh absolutely if I got to do this with them I think it would be quite different
Narcasist,you know listen you brought up some interesting issues that I poked at you know one was that sort of that
Narcasist,emotionality you're like I can't always bring it you know you own that I can't always bring it and that if that person
Narcasist,does call me fifty three times there's a point at which I'm done that could be experienced by another person as a lack
Narcasist,of empathy or coldness that was probably the only little like little red flag that popped up a little bit for me you
Narcasist,know I would say to you there are peuta Klee and clinically be mindful of that aspect of yourself that
Narcasist,there are times when you may not have the emotional bandwidth to take something on but a human relationship is
Narcasist,a reciprocal space and that there are times that people are going to expect you to maybe kind of be bigger than that
Narcasist,emotional space you can be it would be exhausting for you on a daily basis I don't think you should be a therapist you know I don't think like that would
Narcasist,play upon your strengths to be honest but I do think that you know it could somebody who is if you love someone and
Narcasist,they're going through a hard time they may need more of that space from you and like I'd say so much of how narcissism
Narcasist,is addressed if you're addressing it clinically is mindfulness and every one of us can bring mindfulness into our
Narcasist,lives you're not even a narcissistic I mean we look at narcissism as always hold on you you said I'm not even nurses
Narcasist,yeah I don't really know I mean the closest you got was like that little bit that emotional you know kind of clip
Narcasist,misses you I should have been more I feel like I need to be a little narcissistic to be like you you if I was
Narcasist,gonna sit here and dissect you sure could I say there was one or two things that you said there was like mmm
Narcasist,superficial like how often do you you know do you are you like are you big into stuff do you care about your whole
Narcasist,like what you wear and what you drive and all of that I don't have a car and I
Narcasist,don't think I've bought a piece of clothing it what so I mean we so but if a person had a phenomenally
Narcasist,great car it doesn't mean they're not empathic we look at it holistically you're you're telling me that your
Narcasist,measure of success is to get meaning and purpose from your work that's it actually sort of the opposite of
Narcasist,narcissism and in fact when we work with narcissistic clients one of the things we try to do is meaning and purpose
Narcasist,focused work thinking that if we can bubble that up to the surface it might help sort of address some of that
Narcasist,emptiness and that insecurity I hear that you're able to be you know strong in the face of meaningful criticism and
Narcasist,that yeah when the criticism comes from a place where you're like seriously you have no place saying this it was a very
Narcasist,normal kind of a reaction back to that you know if your your ratios more were like 20 80 like 80% of the time I can't
Narcasist,tolerate criticism that would give me pause yeah you know you're not talking about a superficial world you're talking
Narcasist,about when you do fall into a loving relationship that you want it to be
Narcasist,where you're both are healthy and growing together not that I need a hot partner I know if I were watching this I
Narcasist,would go well yeah he just talked to the narcissist expert for five hours and they did a therapy session so he's just
Narcasist,going to deliver the answers to make him right see Narcisa I can tell everybody I
Narcasist,was very honest I'm all that's one of my weak and weaknesses and strengths but I
Narcasist,mean is there anything that you can add to did this feel like a valid session to
Narcasist,you or did you feel like I was putting on here's the thing when we're looking at something like narcissism or narcissistic personality
Narcasist,it's a slow burn in in reality it could have taken as weeks or even months of sessions for these patterns to come
Narcasist,clear I've worked with clients it took me six to nine months for me to really see like oh now I know exactly what I'm
Narcasist,dealing with you can get some of the superficial narcissism at a dinner party but the real depths work to get this
Narcasist,that could take a long time I know you I had that advantage College I'm working with you for months so you know I know
Narcasist,enough about you but what I could be lying you know you could be lying and anyone could be lying in therapy and you
Narcasist,know you could all listen you're in an industry that celebrates superficial validation seeking stuff and you do like
Narcasist,being on this side of the camera maybe any of us that you want to be on this side of the camera needs to take a good hard look inside and say why is that
Narcasist,why is it more important for us to be on this side than that psychos or those are absolutely equal roles yeah Timmy so
Narcasist,there is some self-examination that means to happen there you know I I would
Narcasist,over the course of longer-term therapy we look at how do you intersect in your relationships
Narcasist,maybe this pattern of low emotionality is actually something we do need to be more concerned about and as I got to
Narcasist,know more about you and saw how it surfed it surfaced with family with friends with partners with coworkers
Narcasist,I might start to see a pattern there that's not just low emotionality maybe it would evidence as lack of empathy so
Narcasist,this is something that we're good we would have to continue to kind of pull up but you certainly didn't come in here
Narcasist,kind of arrogant and brash you're willing to put yourself out there in this kind of a platform so right out the
Narcasist,gate there's a transparency you use that word a lot I don't know that many narcissist use the word transparency
Narcasist,unless it's a buzzword but you do raise an important point so it can be tricky last thing because I know we're going a
Narcasist,little long can you give me maybe two because of my inability to be as
Narcasist,emotionally available as people want me to be has hurt me yeah better yes and
Narcasist,it's something that if I want to have a successful relationship in the future I'm gonna need yeah so can you give me
Narcasist,like two things that I can do to practice that now while I'm not in a relationship
Narcasist,listen in case and listen to people in situations where it's not as high-stakes you know in a relationship it's higher
Narcasist,stakes but like you know don't be that person is like a stupid person on an airplane is telling me their story you
Narcasist,know I'm so like oh yeah as soon as I can airplane I'm like uh yeah I gotta go alone practice it a little bit you know
Narcasist,do it with with smaller with friends you actually like also listen to your friends starts telling you their
Narcasist,emotional stuff say uh oh man you know watch those reactions because for some people for whom sharing emotional stuff
Narcasist,may not be easy and they see you going like this that might be enough to make them more reluctant to share in that
Narcasist,space you've got to watch your nonverbals you've got a and you have to practice it I mean it's in order to love
Narcasist,people we sometimes have to do things that don't always feel comfortable for us because that's love you know is you
Narcasist,know to really be there for people and hear them and give richness and validation to their
Narcasist,stories by hearing them with an open heart oh god I can do that though I
Narcasist,literally yeah can practice this with people because right now you're so right I avoid it at all cost because I'm like
Narcasist,others as important I'm not practicing acting so how do I be able to do it when
Narcasist,it matters it's not that it doesn't matter now but whenever you like it could be like a friend Connie yammering on about something like that and I could
Narcasist,just I could put my phone away and just go yeah and don't be yeah you don't need
Narcasist,to be like you know all like you know trippy and all that like really just you know lie back in the sofa and hear it
Narcasist,put that phone away be present with it don't let other people's emotions be a place of fear for us you know because
Narcasist,they're not asking you to take them it's not like they're trying to unload cargo on you they're just wanting to they want the simple act of another human being
Narcasist,listening to them because that's really where a relationship happens they'll send more days than not the only thing a partner and two partners might talk
Narcasist,about is who's taking the car this morning and did you remember to get the milk you know that not every day is a big-ticket day in a relationship one of
Narcasist,those big ticket days happen those are the bridges that carry the relationship to the next level and that's where
Narcasist,narcissistic people can't go so while I'm not seeing those patterns for you I do think practice it because being there
Narcasist,for another person emotionally is a practice skill and in our technologically soaked womb people are
Narcasist,not good at being there for other people they're so distracted they're like fondling their phones put it away
Narcasist,look at that person be present with them stop doing your grocery list in your mind and be in the room yes oh my gosh
Narcasist,this was so good for me loved ones and
Narcasist,hopefully you know a partner or even when you're dating this create a healthier space and if you notice this
Narcasist,broad pattern and someone else who can't be with your emotional space at all and that's also a red flag for you but like
Narcasist,listen you know I'm not you don't seem like mr. narcissism you're you know given that you're in this industry you
Narcasist,live in LA you know you're young you're you know all the things that kind of are the flame under that yeah under that pot
Narcasist,kind of thing doesn't seem to be happening of a holistic healthy sense of yourself remember you have a solid sense of yourself the
Narcasist,rest emanates from that and so I believe that I've been up that hard a little bit more and my future spouse thanks you oh
Narcasist,he'll be a much better listener by then thank you guys for watching this simulated therapy session with myself