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Tell me a joke Sat down to donate blood the other day Nurse: Just a little prick. Me: How'd you know?
Tell me a joke If you're having luftballon problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 luftballons and whatever whatever I don't speak German
Tell me a joke How do you organise a space party? You planet.
Tell me a joke Santa's sack is huge, because... he only comes once a year!
Tell me a joke yo mama so stupid..she sits on the t.v and watches the couch
Tell me a joke This joke is like cancer. Some of you will get it. Some of you won't. Either way, you won't be laughing.
Tell me a joke Did you hear about the owl coup? They were in cahoots.
Tell me a joke What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control? Parents.
Tell me a joke Apparently this is the letter ""v"" in Chinese: ... Lets see you try to fly in that shape American birds.
Tell me a joke Dad I'm gay *Dad rips newspaper* ""WHAT"" I like guys dad ""Oh thank god. I thought you were happy for a second""
Tell me a joke Why did Jesus curse the fig tree? [God hates figs.](http://www.wikiwand.com/en/Cursing_the_fig_tree)
Tell me a joke So I went over to my uncle with a lisp's house He asked me ""hey d-do you w-w-want a d-d-dee-dee-d-d-d-deep-deep-d-deeeeeep freezer?"" I replied: ""Noo thanks buddy that's too deep for me"" [EDIT] Fuck.
Tell me a joke If it weren't for Abraham Lincoln, America really would have gone South.
Tell me a joke What is Cab Calloway's favorite type of humor? 'scat'alogical
Tell me a joke How do Russians in the taiga make fun of each other online? -bullying
Tell me a joke I accidentally called Nike instead of the suicide hotline They said just do it.
Tell me a joke How do you pay a bartender? With bar tender.
Tell me a joke My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy.
Tell me a joke My therapist said I need to stop listening to Ke$ha on my iPod and start acting my age. So I bought Ke$ha on vinyl. Tik Tok.
Tell me a joke I just posted ""How do I find answers using Google.com?"" on Yahoo Answers. Stand by while the internet divides itself by zero.
Tell me a joke Did you hear about the Roman who got a C in Math? He got a perfect score!
Tell me a joke What is the worst part of being a pedophile? Fitting in. No? Too old for childish jokes? Sorry.
Tell me a joke ....So carrying a ""wet floor"" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon!
Tell me a joke Best part about my homeless girlfriend.... she lets me play with her sweet cans
Tell me a joke I got fired from a suicide hotline Apparently they look down upon reverse psychology.
Tell me a joke I don't understand why women love singing ""Let it go""... ...Since most of them keep grudges for life.
Tell me a joke I have a bumper sticker that says ""Honk if you think I'm sexy."" Then I just wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Tell me a joke I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is still awake at midnight and talking back right now.
Tell me a joke Women's rights
Tell me a joke What's the difference between redditors and eggs? Eggs get laid.
Tell me a joke Branson My wife and I went to Branson, Missouri. I think our hotel caters to senior citizens because it had a free incontinental breakfast.
Tell me a joke Why is OP's dog never satisfied? They don't do liver
Tell me a joke My mom asked for my Netflix password... she better not be trying to chill
Tell me a joke What are the three fastest forms of communication? Telephone, telegraph, tell a woman.
Tell me a joke Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with Facebook.
Tell me a joke What do you call an ISIS member who loves himself? A nISISist
Tell me a joke I've been lying on the floor of this Cheesecake Factory for half an hour. Everyone keeps stepping over me
Tell me a joke ""nooooooo!!!"" - 20 yr old me seeing how much weed 35 yr old me brushes onto the floor to get ready for company
Tell me a joke Man: What can I do you for? Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare
Tell me a joke What do you call a female roach with a weiner? A transpestite.
Tell me a joke cool funny jokes don't miss 'em
Tell me a joke Judging from what most terrifies my cats, when the apocalypse comes it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags.
Tell me a joke A poem for you I dig... You dig... We dig... He dig... She dig... They dig... ******** It's not a very beautiful poem but it's quite deep
Tell me a joke What is a gay couples favorite fruit? Cantaloupe
Tell me a joke Why is the letter 'B' commonly regarded as a pervert in the alphabet? Because he can see the D
Tell me a joke What did Batman say at the deli? Got ham?
Tell me a joke I'm at that age where food makes me fat.
Tell me a joke If I ever lost my phone I'd rather just start a new life in another city.
Tell me a joke YOU: Please be aware-- ME: I'm not. I never will be. I've never even SEEN a ""ware""
Tell me a joke What was the Mexican killers name? Tequila
Tell me a joke Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Tell me a joke How do you know the toothbrush was invented in South Carolina? Cause if it was invented anywhere else it'd be called a teethbrush.
Tell me a joke Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by .swallowing 100 pain killers? A: After two he began to feel better.
Tell me a joke Everyone knows she can't get pregnant if she's on top. It's called gravity, stupid.
Tell me a joke How does a carpenter effectively build stairs? He thinks one step ahead
Tell me a joke What do you call a group of Beavers? A hens nights
Tell me a joke What do you call an epileptic in a garden? A seizure salad
Tell me a joke I've haven't eaten gluten for a week... and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying.
Tell me a joke For Sale: 2010 Honda Civic. Well maintained. Some Zipcar logos. Must purchase in next three hours.
Tell me a joke When someone tries to hand me a flyer... ...it's kind of like saying ""Here, you throw this away.""
Tell me a joke What does socialism smell like? It has a Bernie smell.
Tell me a joke I know we get a lot of dad jokes...here's a mom one What did Captain Picard say when he saw the new sewing machine? Make it sew!
Tell me a joke Why did the prostitute cry after her customer left? He gave her the biggest tip she ever had
Tell me a joke *falls down* Mom: What was that? Me: My shirt fell Mom: It sounded much heavier than a shirt Me: I was in it
Tell me a joke Why are cell phones like a dog's nipples? You don't have to shout into them.
Tell me a joke [Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font? Sans Scarif
Tell me a joke Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Tell me a joke What did the man say to the fly? ""Hey.. you're looking fly""
Tell me a joke Is your penis Ant-man? Because whenever it's time to impress, it shrinks.
Tell me a joke I follow ripped guys around the grocery store and just buy what they buy
Tell me a joke Where do kids with ADHD go for the summer? Concentration camp.
Tell me a joke It would be horrible if a Mexican male's name was rita. Hello, Senior Rita.
Tell me a joke I haven't eaten since last year, so why haven't I slimmed down?
Tell me a joke What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it would be R, but they really love the C.
Tell me a joke Did you hear about the guy who was frozen to absolute zero? Don't worry he was OK.
Tell me a joke Burned my Hawaiian pizza... Should have put it on aloha temperature.
Tell me a joke I hate all the political correctness in recent years I can't even say ""black paint"" anymore, I have to say ""hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?""
Tell me a joke Doctor: where does it hurt? Me: [shows him an empty bag of Cheetos]
Tell me a joke What are golfers afraid of? The bogey monster
Tell me a joke What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt? Usian Bolt can finish a race.
Tell me a joke Why is Beyonce always singing about going ""To the left""? Because women have no rights.
Tell me a joke Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there's an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Tell me a joke Q: What did the tire say to the tire? A: I'm tired!
Tell me a joke What's the difference between a blonde and a washer? When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.
Tell me a joke I like my ex's like I like my coffee... Ground up and in the freezer
Tell me a joke What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything
Tell me a joke Wife was in ICU Doctor: She is in a coma. Husband: Please save her. She's just 30. *Just then, ECG starts beeping. Fingers move. Her lips mumbled... And she spoke: I'm 29
Tell me a joke I think I will take my next drivers license picture drunk so I can say pshaw! I always look like that.
Tell me a joke TIFU in a hot air balloon ... It was amazing.
Tell me a joke Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness... ...and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine.""
Tell me a joke What ever happened to Hitler's family? He Adolf Them...
Tell me a joke I found out I was dyslexic when I got invited to a toga party. I turned up as a goat.
Tell me a joke What do you call a number that won't sit still? A roamin' numeral. :P
Tell me a joke Yesterday I heard there was a robbery at a bakery, I've heard of stupid crimes... But this one really takes the cake.
Tell me a joke Nobody really knew that grandma had dentures until.... ...it came out during a conversation
Tell me a joke 1- Buy a big padlock. 2- Throw the key into the ocean. 3- Find a stranger with stretched-out earlobes. 4- Attach padlock to earlobe. 5- Run.
Tell me a joke I'm forever disappointed that a group of squids isn't called a squad.
Tell me a joke According to this box of spaghetti I am an Italian family of 8
Tell me a joke Mum: did you masturbate while showering again? Son: I'm cleaning it as fast as I like to!
Tell me a joke Why doesn't Skrillex like to go fishing? Because he always drops the bass.