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AnuradhaPoddar

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I’m so sick of people I’m close with pretending to care and pretend that they would be there because every single time I need someone to talk to they just ignore me but when they need shit from me then all of sudden I exist again I’m so tired of it and everyone wonders why I’m in so deep and bad with this wave of depression. thank you if you read this

Sometimes when I think about what happened too much ( I normally think about it at night because that’s often a time where I’m alone with my thoughts or might be trying to sleep in less clothing etc ) it’s almost like I can feel him touching me. Like his hand between me legs or something and I try to ignore it because normally it’s not too strong but sometimes it is. I try to change positions, roll up in a ball, squeeze my legs shut, roll around, or put a blanket between my legs to make it stop. It normally happens when I try to sleep in little clothes or without underwear in loose clothing. Often changing clothes helps, but the idea of taking off my already loose clothing is frightening. I never gave it much thought until now. I tried googling it and uh maybe wasn’t the best idea cause I couldn’t like immediately find a reassuring answer within the first few results. I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced this or found a better solution.

I can’t shake off the anxiety...it’s constantly there and I get anxiety attacks more and more often. I can’t resist my compulsions anymore and I’m so tired of fighting something that’s stronger than I am...I’m seeing my psychiatrist today and I legit don’t know what to say as I’m not feeling any better

**Not super related to depression, but I haven't been able to find any good answers elsewhere.** I'm quite a self-loathing person. I can be very hard on myself and often my brain tells me I'm not good enough, kind of like a little voice on my head that tells me every now and then that I'm worthless and I'll never get what I want. (Note: this isn't a voice like an auditory hallucination, more of an internal monologue) However when I get external negativity or confrontation that same voice that would otherwise agree with whoever is confronting me suddenly flips itself and becomes very self-confident. For an example, I am fairly insecure about my lack of romantic relationships, sometimes I vent about this online, sometimes when I vent and feel misunderstood or unheard I can become a dickhead, and then people typically imply that because of that bitterness I'll never get a romantic partner. But the thing is when they say something like 'you'll never get a romantic partner', that voice in my head responds 'Yes I will'. The voice that would otherwise agree with the other person is suddenly reassuring me and making me feel confident. It also feels really clear in those moments, like I read it and sudden wash of 'You're fine, its all going to be ok' over me. Why is this? Is this an observed phenomenon? I haven't seen anyone else say they have similar thought processes. Is there a name for this? How can I get his voice of self-confidence to be louder? The only way I can do it is by seeking and inciting external negativity on the internet, and that isn't a viable long term option really. I know people here will tell me to go to therapy but that isn't a viable option for me at the moment either. >!This is mostly just a funny idea to myself, but I've been wondering if I could somehow hire a part-time hater. Someone who can call me up every now and then and tell me I ain't shit and I'm never gonna be shit so. Than I can go about my life with that confidence.!<

I am currently 15 in high school, diagnosed (more inactive than active, but experience both sides) 3-4 years ago with a very high IQ, as that seems to be frequent, especially as I was a kid that knew way too much about everything. Recently I have been medicated (Adderall after Concerta did absolutely nothing) and the results are mixed. I feel good about my management of my tasks, but I had about a month of high stress. Anybody experienced a similar experience/ as you grow, how does the syndrome change with age. I also just want to talk to people going through similar things to what I’m going through.

Last week I was told I have PTSD. Besides the ADD/ADHD, anxiety and depression, my psychiatrist said I have PTSD. It was almost an obvious statement to me. I knew I had something like that. Then it hit me when she told me. The last year or 2, I realized I had the symptoms. Kinda expected it but it hit hard when I was told that. I don’t know what exactly gave me it. Maybe a culmination of things, maybe one of my largest traumas, I don’t know. I wish I knew. Maybe I could then make peace with it and reverse my brain. These intrusive thoughts are so overwhelming and I can hardly take it. I don’t like thinking that I have something that soldiers, accident victims, rape victims and victims of terrible abuse have. I don’t think I deserve to be in that category. I don’t know what to think but what I know is that I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t. I’m so far gone there isn’t coming back it seems. I just want to reset.

I ve been visiting a psychiatrist about 4,5 years because I diagnosed with depression, anxiety issues, bulimia but the last 8 months I diagnosed with ocd too and I’m very sad and anxious that I can’t deal with it… my doctor proposed to change doctor to get second opinion about the pills… I had two meetings with the new doctor but the pain still remains and I don’t believe anymore that any doctor can help… I think I just live for the little moments that I laugh with my family or my friends and I forget about the pain…

I’m not even sure where to begin but I’m so terrified right now I don’t know what to do. For background, I was raped by my ex partner ten years ago. Following this, I was subject to not so much stalking as intimidation to stay silent and was called a liar and mocked. This has continued on and off since then. Recently he moved back near to where I live as well. Earlier this year he accessed my emails where he was able to access details about my mental health and other personal information. He used this to email contacts, including work colleagues, mocking my mental health condition. Work handled it very badly and again made me feel not believed. I have heard further accusations made against my ex partner and other disturbing information which have made me even more fearful of him. I received an anonymous call saying that pictures of me would be posted online and sent to my work colleagues if I spoke to the police again. It didn’t sound like him, but I guess he could have gotten someone to do it for him. I haven’t spoken to the police since reporting the assault earlier this year. Does anyone have any advice? I was diagnosed with PTSD this year and it has been getting steadily worse, especially since hearing he was living near me again and I don’t know what to do.

I just realized I wouldn't have depression if it weren't for other people being so awful. I don't mean my parents or family. I mean random strangers. Kids at school bullying me as a kid, teachers being racist. I internalized it as something wrong with me. In truth, they were just shitty. Today I had planned out my day, how I was gonna improve and get better. I find out some asshole has blocked me in my parking spot. Intentionally. Even if he didn't want me to park there he could have called the apartment complex to complain, asked them to put up a private parking sign(because there isn't one and the spots aren't private) or anything else. But he wanted to block me in by illegally parking in the middle of the road so he could start a confrontation. My anxiety is through the roof. My depression and an all time high. And I keep flipping between wanting to do something to punish him for being needlessly hostile and Karen like and wanting to give everyone in my neighborhood some small gift bags to prove that people can be needlessly kind. I have no friends to vent to except for my girlfriend who is the only good person I think exists on the planet. Everyone else is just shitty. No one considers how the person next to you might want to die. So they do shitty things to boost their ego or make them feel strong and in charge when really you're just kicking someone who's already down and pouring salt in their wound. I'm doing my best. I'm sorry for parking in a spot you feel belongs to you. But what you did was wrong. It was excessive. And the fact you were willing to break the law to try and make me feel a certain way because of a glorified rectangle of pavement, terrifies me. I don't know. I just wish I had someone to tell me that it's not my fault. That he shouldn't have done that. But now I keep doubting myself. Maybe I shouldn't have parked there. Maybe I'm better off dead. Maybe all I do Is bother other people. Everyone is terrible to me because I deserve it. Well, venting helped. Time to eat an edible and waste another day I guess.

this year has been rough, despite covid i’ve been through more downs than ups. i lost my job, gained it back and then got let go because of budget cuts, i had a falling out with one of my best friends since highschool realising he was never my friend, almost lost my brother to jail, got contacted and abandoned by my father AGAIN, lost my beautiful aunt on my birthday only to find out months later she passed away, went through one of the toughest break ups alone and literally got my house broken into last night. when i was 18 i had this horrible numbness, i fought through it and came out on top. im now 21 and it’s back. during my break up and my brothers trial i felt that familiar feeling, the daily wave of pure soulless horror. my comforts became tedious, everything became meaningless, i was alone. it hurts and idk when i’ll feel better again but i’m really proud of myself for fighting. sure everything feels meaningless and i feel nothing daily, but i wake up. i never give myself credit but im getting through one of the toughest times i’ve faced, there might be worse to come but im stronger than i was when i was 18. for everyone who’s facing depression, i’m proud of you all! you’re all trying and that’s a start!

I’m fairly recently diagnosed (just over 2 months ago) so I’m still figuring out meds and stuff. I’ve been on 70mg vyvanse for about 6 weeks now, and just started guanfacine 2 days ago as well. I’m just coming out of a REALLY bad two weeks of depression, binge eating, smoking, not cleaning, haven’t changed my sheets or washed clothes or dishes etc and I was really upset that the meds seemed to stop working which is why my doctor has added the guanfacine. But I’ve also just finished my period, the 2 bad weeks were basically the week before and the week of my period. I noticed this last month too, but I was changing dosage etc at the same time so it’s hard to tell what the cause is. Basically my question is this: for people who have periods, is your ADHD worse around your period? Do all your symptoms come back or is it a particular few? Does it ever get better? What do you do to manage it? I’m really distressed by the thought that I might just fully relapse into my impulsive behaviours and living in filth 2 weeks out of every month!!

i had a very mentally and sexually abusive ex boyfriend 5ish years ago. just this past year i’ve realized it was abuse and it’s caused a lot of feeling to come up. i’ve only recently told my closest friends. i’ve been in therapy before but just started again this month. i’ve never talked to a therapist about this trauma of mine until my current one because i felt so safe with her. since telling her 2 weeks ago, i’ve been having nightmares...not even nightmares. he’s just a character in my dreams, or his friends are in my dreams, or something that reminds me of him. it feels like he’s taking control of my life again. i have my therapy appointment tomorrow and i will bring it up to her. but i’d be grateful to hear from other people who may have gone through something similar in terms or nightmares and what they did that helped. thank you so much

I have a follow up doctor appointment November 12th. The other day I overdosed on my adderall by one dose to increase the effectiveness of my medicine. The effects were helpful. My guilty conscience got the best of me and told my doctor what happened. He spoke to me on the phone and said to me at the end to bring my med bottles with me to the appointment. Do u guys think ima gonna loose my ADHD meds when I go to the appointment?!?! Will he take them away

It’s making me loose my fucking mind because they act differently around others compared to me.

I find it hard to tell whether life is to be created anew by anyone experiencing it or is it just an aspie thing. Feel free to interpret as You wish.

In fact, not only it's acceptable, it's the norm. "Not being able to go up and down stairs in a wheelchair is just an excuse." "If you really want to go up stairs you'd try harder. I'm sure you can do it." . That's literally our reality. It's just the wheelchair in our cases are our brains and people can't see it. The sick thing is some of us believe that subconsciously especially for the undiagnosed people despite knowing those statements are ridiculous. Not only we repeatedly try rolling our wheelchairs up the stairs, we even hope if we try hard and continue to improve, one day we'd be able to stand up and walk up stairs effortlessly like other people. That sounds fucking insane but it's true. . It's so frustrating that we seem too normal for people so it's near impossible for them to understand how much we struggle and how hard we're actully trying. We're fully aware of how much ADHD affect every aspect of our lives yet when we fucked up we can't just say it's because of ADHD. There's just no winning with this. . I'm sorry this analogy is probably shit. It really depend on what you think going up stairs are for ADHDers. For me it's to be just like a neurotypical person. I know some people can manage their ADHD very well and lead a good life. Still, for people to expect us, or for us to expect ourselves to not struggle with what we struggle with is totally psychotic. We literally have a different type of brain for fuck's sake.

I use it pretty often or when I have to. it just makes things so much easier. if I ever anciently say something cringey, weird or awkward I'll just clarify that I have autism. if you're putting in the effort you shouldn't feel bad about using it if you mess up socially a couple of times. it's better than people just thinking you're a weird or bad person for goofing up socially. it's also better than constantly masking and pretending to not be autistic

I’ve had this problem since I was like 14. Staying over at friends’ places was really hard and sometimes I wouldn’t even be able to sleep. Right now I’m staying in a guest house in a small town somewhere super far from where I live. Everything just feels so unfamiliar and I feel so unsafe. It sucks especially because I have a swimming session booked for tomorrow and I haven’t went swimming since pre pandemic. I’m worried about not being able to sleep beforehand which makes it even harder to sleep.

Hi, I'm 21 years old. I'm suffering OCD since I was a kid, but year after year it gets worse. Since I finished high school, OCD and fear started to be important in my life. First, fear of sleeping or not sleeping, then my worse enemy, BREATHING OCD. Begun in May 2019, it's a long story. After 1 year of struggles, in June 2020 I finally beat it. But 2 months ago it came back and worse than ever, all my thoughts are terrible, I'm afraid of thinking of it but I'm afraid too of not thinking of it, it's like I want to be alive thiking in breathing. I just want no not have this anymore, I think sometimes that killiing myself is the solution of this pain, but I don't want to die, I'm afraid of death. Sorry for my english. I just want to know if someone of you have this and how do you got over this This is my first post on Reddit, I have a lot more to tell, maybe it's better, what do you think?

Is anyone else want to end themselves, and only thing stoping them, is the fact that they only child. I wish I have siblings.

Felt sort of melancholy tonight, so I decide to go and get a snail from outside and give it some lettuce (I absolutely adore snails) and watch it enjoy a snack. I had an intrusive thought about catching something from the snail. I know that I probably shouldn’t of, and I battled with the urge for awhile, I eventually gave into the compulsion and looked up “can you catch anything from handling garden snails”. I’m not exactly thrilled with the search results, in fact like always it perfectly relates to my fear. Rat lung worm, a parasite that can be carried by slugs and my beloved snails. Of course I’m anxious with the news, I aggressively washed my hands and replayed the event in my head, my OCD has convinced me I’m as good as dead. The never ending battle deprives me of simply enjoying life, and I wish I felt safe.

I'm assuming that's not normal? :) For real though, hoping for a judgement-free zone here, but I met a woman in real life about 11 years ago. I'm just being honest, she was the best looking person I've actually met. We exchanged numbers and she ended up flaking on ever going out. She's an actor so she's got a pretty active social media presence. In some shows and movies, lots of pictures. Plenty for an obsessive mind to latch onto. Despite the fact that I fell in love with and married my wife of many years, I think about this other woman about 95 percent of the time when I have a sexual fantasy. My brain has decided she's "perfect." I'm aware that it's not normal and there's a part of me that wishes I could just compartmentalize her as another hot girl and move on but it's also kinda fun for my brain. Highly arousing partly because it's weird to do. Either way, I've realized it IS obsessive behavior. Totally out of my control and something I've come back to despite occasionally trying to steer my fantasies to someone else. Anyone else had OCD pop up in their area of life?

Heya all, So I just started finally seeing a therapist and learning I have Asperger's. But I had the most bizarre experience in the therapist's office, it's hard to explain and I've never felt that way in decades, back when I was a child or young teen. I couldn't "mask". It just didn't happen, I couldn't figure out how. I was defenseless, and she instantly saw exactly who and what I am. I am extremely glad for this though, as I am just starting my journey and it's important the therapist sees the real me. My hypothesis is because I know very-well that she knows extremely-well exactly how Asperger's works and how we think, my brain just completely short circuited trying to figure out how the frick to chameleon, when the other person is immune. Oddly enough, I was not uncomfortable, I was fine with it. But it was a strange sensation; like she broke my ability to instinctually "mask", it was very exposed feeling, in an oddly good way. Does any of this make sense or am I sounding like a crazy person? :)

At 35 years old I now know for sure that my marriage and life struggles are largely due to being on the spectrum. It's a good feeling to have some closure and be able to move forward in life with this context. I have enjoyed this community for awhile and now I feel able to confidently discuss ASD life as a diagnosed member.

So for some reason I really struggle with coincidences. For example, I used to work with someone who moved quite far away and then I saw them in a store near me after quite some time, then the next day, I’m pretty sure I saw the same person again. Or another example was that I saw someone on Instagram that is connected to a ocd obsession of mine in a roundabout way and then that same day, I saw the sister of this person whilst searching Instagram. I suppose I was searching Instagram for a local amenity and they are both locals, so maybe it’s not that odd. It’s just that OCD feeds off this stuff and reads a lot into it. Does anyone have any advice for this please? Thank you.

I have aspergers and when I told my a girl I am now seeing about it she accepted it well. She went home and did a little bit of research and from the 3 articles she read she figured out we mask and sometimes mimic who we are around. She is worried she is just liking herself not actually me. She asked me if I do any of that and in what ways. I said yes I do but couldn't describe it well enough. I'm looking to see how others mask and mimic others so I can kinda form a list of which ones I recognize that I do as well.

Hey guys. I’m currently on 37.5mg clomipramine and 300mg wellbutrin (pure o) My ocd has gotten out of hand so my psychiatrist recommended I increase to 50mg. Just wondering if anyone has experience increasing this amount. I’m a pretty small and petite person so when I increase a dosage my body feels it and the side effects instantly but after some time it will subside. I just want to be able to function again and not have these intrusive thoughts about everyone and everything all the time. I get flashbacks all the time of random events from my childhood that really have no meaning but it makes me want to go back to being a kid when things weren’t as tough as they are now at 25 and working full time. Also on top of that I just get the intrusive thoughts that I’m ugly and no one actually wants to be my friend because of the shit I’m going through mentally. The list goes on and on. Oh also I can’t drive because every time I get in a car I picture myself getting killed. I live in a city so I don’t need a car but it general eventually I’m going to have to get one if I move. Anyways I’m venting let me know if you have experience with this dosage.

Recently I’ve been trying harder than normal to put myself out there and try to find a relationship. I have NT friends that I see all the time either getting married or with a girlfriend all the time. It makes me a little insecure obviously to be the one in the group who struggles (well duh). Do any of you use dating apps (tinder, bumble,etc)? If so do you make it clear in your bio or somewhere that you’re on the spectrum. If so do you find it helps or no? I use tinder a bunch and I’m a pretty attractive person but my ‘game’ is horrendous as one would guess and I’m wondering if making it clear that I’m socially inept helps with breaking the ice.

Hi guys, I'm a self diagnosed teen and I have done loads of research and took the aspie quiz (I got 41/50) and I felt a bit lost as my parents do not know. I was a premature (45 days early) and teachers always call me "gifted" or "intellectual" what should I do?

Where does ocd end and I begin? This is eating me up inside and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s a special feeling and I’m sure someone else has gone through it. I really can’t do anything about it. You don’t have to tell me the details but I feel so alone right now. I was on top of the mountain and in an instant I’m down in cold dark valley. I was overthinking and convinced myself I needed to break someone’s trust. Why? Because I felt like I was in danger basically. I can’t tell them that I broke their trust. Just can’t. I have to live with this until I’m dead. I fucked it all up. I threw everything we had down the drain. And now I have to either keep the relationship going, all the while hiding what I did, or fess up. But I can’t fess up. I have no choice. I can only surmise from this that I’m a horrible person. I’m a villain. I’m always in this position, stuff like this happens repeatedly. I don’t deserve life or happiness. Just imagine if all your worst ocd fears were true. Like literally actually TRUE. That’s what I have to deal with. And I feel like no one will ever understand. Edit: like I just saw this post about how all ocd is gaslighting cuz none of what the ocd is saying is true. Well It’s terrifying but I don’t have that luxury. Everything my ocd is saying is real. I did something wrong. I fucked up. There’s no guidebook for this. I feel like everyone is gonna ignore this post too because I’m like proof of some terrible truth about the illness, or it’s just too scary to imagine being me. And no one is going to want to tell me anything cuz they’re scared I’m gonna kill myself if they agree that I’m the villain. But it’s ok. I think I’ve known for a while now that this is the role I was meant to play. I’m just so alone. I’m so sad. I’m so hopeless.

I was even afraid typing this out might cause it to come true 😭. This was like my 5th attempt typing this that I didn’t close the window.

Hey everyone. I'm looking to get out of the part-time restaurant work as a busser and am looking to see what types of jobs that may interest me. I'm having a difficult time finding motivation to search but decided to take action to the internet to see what others could suggest. I'm a 20 year old male and looking for a full time position doing simple tasks that are not too overwhelming or stressful. I have no experience and never went to college. I just want something stable where I will feel comfortable with the work. In person or working from home. I'd prefer to get away from the restaurant business and want something that may interest me for the long-term. I have difficulty finding what exactly I want to do and my family keeps suggesting random ideas. Working with many people isn't impossible for me but minimal interactions with simple tasks might be best. If you have any suggestions or stories, please feel free to share.

Just to preface I'd like to say I respect everyone's opinion and I hope to offend no one with what I'm about to say, if you are going to try to change my opinion on monogamy and boundaries, please don't. For the past 3.5 months, I've had a cuckold OCD episode and I feel like all my boundaries in terms of relationship and monogamy are not emotionally backed anymore. For example, I've never been cheated on, but I've imagined the feeling and it was one of pain and humiliation, but now it's more like a meh feeling. I've never wanted threesomes or anything like that, I only wanted and masturbated to the idea of monogamous, two-party intercourse, I was never interested in non-monogamous sex of any kind. But now the same repulsion against non-monogamy isn't there, I feel that I might try, although morally I disagree with it, I would never want anyone to have intercourse or be sexual with my SO, but I don't feel the same repulsion to the idea as I did in the past. Sometimes I feel confused like I have the boundaries, but I don't at the same time. In the past if I imagined getting cheated on it was a hurtful feeling, now it's like meh. It feels like I don't care about morals I held in the past about relationships, such as standards and boundaries. I always looked down on, for lack of better words, (no offense please) people who had cuckold fetishes or were polygamous, or anything like that. Can someone explain if this is a part of the OCD theme that I am having or something else? I've been noticing this lack of boundaries ever since the OCD episode began, just in case, I wasn't clear. For those who don't know: Cuckold OCD: Fear that I'll enjoy watching my SO being intimate with others.

Does anybody have an unpleasant/unwanted event stuck in their mind and you cannot remove it from your mind?

Majority of the time when I start thinking about it too intensely, I get so frustrated to the point that I don't know what else to do other than hurt myself. I've tried like drawing my feelings out or just drawing in general but it always comes back to the same thing. I'm not really sure how to deal with it or if I really can. It just takes so much of a physical toll on me and the physical flashbacks make everything worse, particularly when it happens almost every day. I am trying so hard, I promise but damn does it hurt.

I know how much my OCD tears me apart so I get so paranoid that it’s going to happen again and i’m going to have to put my life on pause. This always happens during important parts in my life where I need to be happy. For example, on my birthday. Because I knew I wanted to be happy on my birthday the night before I thought so much to the point where I had a bad OCD day even though I was doing so well. I’m so paranoid of going back into that state I put myself into that state. Does anyone feel this way too? Sorry if this doesn’t make sense lol.

I write this after a very very long night. Yesterday I ate something that made me sick, I’m not sure what it was. The worst part is that somehow that excruciating pain brought back memories from when I was abuse at 8yo and again when I was 26yo, that last time was in a hospital, the nurse sedated me and took me to the guy that did x rays... I thought I would die... The memories where so vivid that I was yelling and crying, I could feel the pain again, I was so scare, I have never feel this way before, I have had other panic attacks episodes but nothing like this... of course I puke all night and struggle with the flashbacks and the pain... but now I feel terrible, I don’t feel sick anymore but I feel like I’m dying inside, I’m scare to eat again, and sleep, I never realize how scare you hospitals I am... I’m sorry for bugging with my history, I’m just so lost

I have a few questions: &#x200B; 1. How do you experience the contact with people with ASS / autism / aspergers in real life? (If you have any) &#x200B; 2. Do you feel like you immediatly get eachother our does it still feel awkward like with some NT people? 3. Do you feel like you can recognize autism / ASS in others more easy?

Hello friendly community. I was recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at the age of 28. Honestly, it makes a lot of sense and I do not disagree with the diagnosis. I'm very thankful for my wife encouraging me to go see a doctor. My question for you people is this: How do I not let my diagnosis define me? Sometimes I will do something that before diagnosis I will blame myself for not paying enough attention to something but now I start to think along the lines of it's okay, it's because I have ADHD. Or for example I will forget to text my mom for several days after she texted me for something important. In the past I just own up to it and apologized oh, now I am thinking in my head. It's not my fault I have ADHD which is clearly not right. Hopefully somebody here understands why I am saying, what are your thoughts?

So, I've been treating OCD with this doc for a while now and I never missed an appointment. I don't even arrive late for them because I feel like it'd be inconsiderate on my part. This month, I had an emergency at one of my jobs and had to cancel when they called me asking if they could confirm my appointment for the next day (or later that same day, I don't remember anymore). They canceled but warned me they wouldn't be able to schedule another appointment that month. I asked them if they could let me know if someone canceled so I could go because of my prescriptions, they agreed and hang up. Fast forward a couple days, I'm almost out of medicine. I try contact them (I think I did, everything is hazy) but no answers. Today it's been a few days I've been out of medicine and I called to ask if they could please accommodate me because not taking lamotrigine can be incredibly dangerous (could even cause convulsions). This doctor was the one that warned me about not stopping my medicine. They said they were full. I said I could pay for a full appointment just to get the prescription because I'm feeling really ill. They ignored my message. After a moment they say they'll be able to see me on Monday, so I'll have three more days of symptoms with no medicine to go. Had they got back at me like they said they would, I could've looked for another doctor at least this once because it was an emergency, but they didn't. They said someone always cancels and were quick to get me an appointment now, but if someone always cancels they could've helped me out before I spent DAYS with no meds. I'm usually calm and collected, I've always been that way, but because lamotrigine is a humor stabilizer, now I feel incredibly unstable. It feels like 3 PMS at once! All I want to do is cry and sleep and maybe eat. I feel dizzy and everything is hazy. Am I being too much of a jerk for being so upset and pissed at them even though I was the one who cancelled the first time?

So there's embarrassing pictures of me on facebook on someone's facebook. I dont necessarily mean embarrassing i mean just bad pics i dont like. I do notice when i unfriend the account i can no longer see the photos, but when i friend the account i can see the photos once again. This should be enough evidence the photos are private but im scared since i have an android they'll only be private on an android and my ocd is telling me ios users can still see the photos. It's made me ruminate all day

I know I am not the center of the universe, but the universe feels like it is suffocating me to the point where I cannot breathe. My depression is overwhelming me to the point where it is shooting my anxiety in all directions. I cannot concentrate. I woke up this morning crying erratically and had thoughts to end it all. I am sick of dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and fucking OCD. I am sick of people treating my like shit because I have depression and fucking dismissing my disease. I am fucking sick of having to constantly deal with abuse from people who take advantage of the fact that I care. My sisters are the biggest c\*nts in the world. They are literally trying to turn my whole family against me because I spoke up against the fact that my sister married an active addict I caught rummaging through my father's things in my father's house. The fucker is a racist piece of shit, cocky, arrogant, smug, and my sister is dumb as shit. He disrespected my Father, my husband, and I spoke up. My sister pummeled me, fucking bruised by skull and gave me a concussion and then she gets my other bitch of a sister to take her side when she hasn't see shit this fucking appendage has done to disrespect my father. I know that bitch resents me too because i have always been the Daddy's girl so I feel like they are both just bitter bitches.....I am not a bad person. Why do I let people who don't give a fuck about me effect me so much to the point where I am shaking and cannot contain my anger, tears, and rage. I want to cut today. I want to cut, I want to feel control. I can''t though because I promised my husband I wouldn't and i KNOW it is not the best way to deal with shit but I am on the breaking point and I feel like I am one step closer to the edge. I am so sick of being invalidated, being called a whore for being raped in college, being told I am a loser because I am changing my career at 35, being made feel like shit because I want to protect those i love. I just want to slap the living daylights out of both my c\*nt sisters....fucking bitches.

How many times do i have to explain, to uneducated people what aspergers or autism is, I feel that I need to carry a leaflet around to give them information, the only people that I don't need to explain to is other aspies and millennials. Do any of you have the same problem?

Hello, everyone working and studying from home! I just want to survey about the characteristics you would like to see in a desk and chair that will absolutely be helpful to people with ADHD. I, myself, am exhibiting similar symptoms of AHDH. However, I still haven't gotten myself checked. So I want to hear the thoughts of people who are actually diagnosed. I'm actually a design student and this survey will help me create a furniture design for people with ADHD. Hopefully, I might bring this design to reality after I graduated.

Hi there - I want to state right now, I do not suffer from PTSD. I do have depression, but as the child of a PTSD parent - there’s a distinct difference. My husband has pretty significant PTSD along with TBI from both, his childhood, and his time as a combat veteran. And in sum, the resources he has tried to use have failed him pretty severely. He’s had therapists quit on him, he’s been over medicated, and under medicated… and both of those can cause some pretty serious issues. He essentially refuses to try finding a new doctor, a new therapist, or utilizing any support group inside or outside of the VA. I love him and I want to be able to encourage him to find resources of his own and build a better relationship with his mental state. He’s going through it pretty severely right now and I don’t know what to do. I know that I can’t help him if he won’t help himself, but every time we get close to making a big move with regard to physicians or treatment of any kind - he shuts down. There’s no time, he’s busy, we don’t have the money (we do), we don’t have good enough insurance (we do)… it kind of breaks and we have to start all over. I know there’s no magic buttons, what helped you start to take the right steps to finding treatment?

first thing and primarily thing, i don't think i have the capacity to be a good person. i've done some terrible shit. i'm unforgivable for it. i know that. i obsess over anything i think might be different. i thought i felt cavities in all of my teeth, and obsessed over what i thought was a receding gum line. i thought my bird was egg bound because i hadn't seen her poop in a few hours. i have to check the doors at least three times every time i come inside, in case i forget and the dogs run out. worst of all i found three ants in my room and have no idea what theey're feeding on, so i have to clean my whole INTENSELY cluttered and seriously difficult to clear out room. thinking about them gives me a panic attack every time. i just fucked things up. that's it

nobody actually fucking cares. my closest friends don’t. my family hates me. my teachers think i hate their class. not a single person gives a fuck

Every single night that I think to myself “damn i should really do something about this i’m absolutely miserable wow” and try to do something to better myself the moment i wake up for the new day (and succeed), the fucking day after that, i feel even worse as if i had used up all my energy just to make yesterday a good day. I’m not even making progress. Just finding temporary fixes, is what I believe i’m doing… Edit: thank you everyone for giving out things that i can do :D

I couldn't really think of anywhere else to talk about this. So, in the summer I was suicidal to the point of making plans and abusing medication to the point of causing myself injuries when black out. I sought help, but the way things are structured here in the UK means it is nearly impossible without nearly a year's wait these days to actually get talking therapy, and instead you have to do other activities which I find stressful. Admittedly, this is a probably strange part of my character - I don't hold jobs for more than a year because I still feeling so stressed and trapped, it isn't what I actually want to do (I'm an artist as a hobby) and I start feeling this desperation and depression in day jobs. Anyway, it's the same issue with these activities- I feel trapped into doing things that are forcing me into a life I don't want. I guess I want to know if anybody else has this issue? I feel so alone and isolated because I just can't seem to fit into society's idea of what one "should do". Idk if this makes sense.

I find I’m exhausted for hours after I do exposures. I set a time and date for doing them but find it does not get any easier and I’m left feeling like I was on a rollercoaster I didn’t want to be on for the rest of the day. What do you do to calm down and move on?

I just got out of a situationship (like an hour ago) so I guess this is a bit of a rant/question. But I find my hyperfocus traits and impulse are at their worst when I'm really into someone. &#x200B; With most people I reply when I reply. I easily forget or start typing but pause to do something else. It could be hours or even days, I'm always apologetic and it's not a big deal because I'm clear why and how these things can happen to me. &#x200B; But when I'm into someone, like really into someone it's a train wreck. I want to be with them all the time (despite generally being quite introverted and reclusive at times). I reply instantly and I'm always thinking how can I brighten their day, or what would be a good gift. Maybe I'll figure out how to surprise with their favourite things etc... this part goes down really well. &#x200B; The flipside is the the crippling rejection I feel if they take too long to reply for example. Are they bored of me? Am I unexciting? Have they found someone more interesting? And I'll end up double texting or even triple because I feel I explained something poorly. And then suddenly its 5 messages and it's all just too much. Or if they open a message and don't reply within 12ish hours I'm instantly terrified I'm getting ghosted, even if it's been months into it. &#x200B; I guess I'm just frustrated because we clicked on so many levels and it's over now because I couldn't control this part of me. Really sucks :(

it’s scary to think i may not ever get better because im just wired this way . no hope

Okay so I'll save you from reading my last post, basically I listed how I felt and that I have depressive episodes every few months. Now one of my old friends got in contact with me and very promptly pointed out that he thinks I have depression becuase I have a constant need to socialize and not socializing makes me feel shitty. He said I don't notice it becuase I'm normally able to socialize but when I'm not at college and I can't socialize I spiral. He's right about the socializing part. I've been off college for a few days following a breakdown and yesterday barely anyone was able to text with me like usual, and becuase I'd seen no one I was feeling lonely. Then the thoughts started to creep in. I was feeling lonely, I felt like everyone had forgotten about me and that I was nothing, I felt like everyone just keeps me around becuase they're sorry for me. I started to feel the horrible type of heartbeat that you feel when you have anxiety attacks, and I felt like I was going to have a breakdown for most of the night. I was really scared seeing as I didn't want to do anything stupid. Out of desperation I text my friend and he gave me ideas of what to do such as drawing/playing on my switch/sleeping etc but I've been doing those constantly since I was temporarily booted from college the other day. I felt really shit and decided to go eat dinner and try to go to sleep. Didn't manage to get to sleep for a good 3 hours. --- Please help me out - all my friends are starting to point out that they think I have depression and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm off for college for another week and I don't know how I'll cope. Edit: forgot to mention that the friend who told me he thinks I have depression is diagnosed and has been trying to tell me for months but I've denied it every time becuase I've Normally been kinda fine every other time he's mentioned it

I was at the dentist office with my son, and a very angry man came in to complain to the management. A petite woman came out to talk to this tall guy, and he kept shutting her down - cutting her off, interrupting, raising his voice. I got triggered hard. Started hyperventilating, heart started racing. I tried the ask them guy to have a seat, because he was elderly and using a walker. He refused, saying he was too mad to sit. So then I just came right out and told him “listen, I know you’re mad - it’s palpable and I can feel it all the way over here- but could you do me a favor, and maybe sit down for a second? You’re triggering my PTSD from working with the Army, and I would really appreciate it if your could bring yoir volume down a bit too please.” After that, the office lady came to escort him into an office - and asked if I would like to go into one when he loudly refused too. She could tell I was shook. I decided to go Outside instead. Then I decided to LEAN INTO the panic attack (I was crying and shaking and it was hard to breathe). I just started a YouTube channel on talking openly about mental Health issues and how I deal with my conditions as naturally as possible. So I got my phone out and FILMED my Panic Attack - and how I was able to calm Myself down. And it worked! I got out my essential oils and worry stone and did deep breathing and practiced gratitude. My panic attack went away, and I was able to go back into the office and not feel like a complete loser for losing my shit in there. I even shared my Yoitube info and had a great chat with the office staff about mental health awareness. It was a really awesome way to end what could have been a really horrible visit! Just wanted to share on here because I’m pretty friggin’ proud of myself right now! Edit: Thank you to anyone who upvoted or commented, and the award. I really needed that feedback to have the courage to hit the “Post” button on my video. So here it is for you guys - I’m nervous as all hell, 1st time I’m showing the public me in all my messiness! https://youtu.be/NJK8qMU33qM

Usually vyvance calms people right? Well for me I usually feel way too lazy to shake my leg. Vyvance makes me shake my leg and fidget like the adhd symptom is. Things feel more clear But it has the opposite effect on my brain. It makes my brain feel like it needs less stimulation. Usually I’m grossly addicted to my phone and get lost in my phone. But on vyvance I can sit still and do things w out constantly needing my phone

Hi. Its has being a whiles since my last post. I came here today just to say that Im feeling bad, not just about me. Those sad thought made me think more often about suicide, Im going to do it now, but i kinda accepted that it will be a reallity soon or later.

if im happy or something funny happens theres no problem naturally smiling/laughing..but for a photo or fake smile i just cant...i try rly hrd and it only makes it worse...

I have trouble expressing myself verbally when the topic is something personal and complicated that affects me emotionally. Sometimes I go completely nonverbal. I have figured out what helps me is to be asked specific questions. This ranges from being able to take rather vague questions as a take of point to only being able to communicate through yes/no questions, wich requires the ine who asks to be extremely specific.

I feel like I'm stuck in a hole I can't get out of. Does it get better? I feel apathetic and exhausted. I hate complaining and asking for help. I feel like it's my fault no matter how much they tell me it's not.

I’m a new nurse and I find myself struggling to remember things I need to get done/doing things in a timely manner. I’ve been orienting on the mother baby unit for five weeks and my preceptor is a lovely sweet person but also an experienced nurse and wants me to do things her way and sometimes stresses me out bc she’s a bit bossy at times. I really struggle to do things quickly and not take a while every time I go into a room, I also struggle with executive dysfunction and brain fog so much that my last unit I was working on (super busy stressful med surge unit) had to let me go. I deal with a lot of rejection sensitivity so I beat myself up but then sometimes I know I’m actually doing poorly and I beat myself up more… and then I try to be positive and think about what I did well and feel like I’m just being optimistic/lying to myself I’m wondering if anyone has some tips? I make lists and take report on a notecard which I can refer to and update throughout my day. I just have trouble “staying on” for a twelve+ hour day. Edit: edited for clarity and typos

Hey everyone. Tough subject but I went through some rough patches because of my ptsd. I blacked out and started fights with one of the people I live with. I’ve already dealt with the court and everything that has to do with that.. so now I’m back living at home and things are fine between us. However being here is extremely triggering. I find myself staring at walls for hours, crying unexpectedly, feeling flighty, getting angry and defensive when nothing is going on. I just don’t feel like myself. Not to mention I wasn’t happy here to begin with. I’m thinking maybe some sage could help me process the trauma mentally and give the area a new feeling. But I’m really looking for any advice as how to deal with these feelings and to help process the trauma in these walls. 🖤 Diagnosed at 13 (I am in therapy but not on medication 23f)

I used to drink 2-3 0.5l cans of regular energy drinks every day without having any problems with caffeine tolerance and I was wondering if that could mean that I would also have a need for a higher than average concerta dose? I didn't really feel any effect on 18mg, 36mg, and today I tried 54mg with barely any improvement - slightly easier to start things and slightly easier to maintain my focus, but it feels like I got more physically restless. It would be interesting to see what dose ended up being the most effective for you and what amount of caffeine could you consume without any side effects to see if there is any obvious correlation. (If there are any scientific studies I would be really happy if you shared them :) )

Hello so basically im diagnosed with asd and also i have a pretty severe case of sensory processing disorder - i cant stand the feeling of paper and sometimes it can even cause me to have physical symptoms. I was wondering if anyone has the same experience and **most importantly does anyone have anyways of overcoming it?** I'm starting sixth form college this september and i really need to change this. thanks!

Hello, I have been taking Sertraline (aka Zoloft) for couple of years. But one thing I've never gotten over was the fatigue and drowsiness it causes throughout the day (esp. dangerous when you're driving). I've tried the below alternatives but stopped taking them because it wasn't useful. Has anything else helped you guys? Thank you in advance! **I stopped taking these:** * Olanzapine 2.5mg: * Felt drowsy after 1 & 1/2 hours * Felt tremor in head when waking up on second and third day, * Aripiprazole 5mg * Bupropion XL 150mg Tab ANC * Was prescribed to "wake me up" so I don't drive drowsy but wasn't helpful after a few days **I'm thinking about taking these:** * Rhodiola (an herbal supplement) * Supposedly an adderall equivalent according to a colleague, which mountain climbers and others take to improve mental acuity.

Today I went to my first therapy session and she said that she thinks I do have OCD. I've been so worried the past month that I've been lying about everything so I'm definitely relieved now. And the therapy session itself wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!

I was diagnosed with PTSD as a child I have trouble emotionally connecting with anyone I have been to therapy and taken pills and nothing seems to help is there a different kind of therapy I can try?

Last night I watched the end of the series Doctor Death and it’s triggered this belief-spiral that I’ve had as long as I can remember (first time I remember being like 4?) that in the future I’m going to commit some huge crime/evil against my will and be blamed for it and go to prison. That inherently I am not concretely enough a good person to have the security of knowing I’m in control. It’s like I’m the car but at any moment a driver could take it over and run it into the ocean. My mind churns out repetitive garbage (that if I say out loud can sometimes be soothing strangely enough) “The devil is inside of me”, “bad, bad man” “you can run you can hide but you’ll never escape who you are inside”. I don’t like hurting or causing pain to people or animals so I don’t think I’m suppressing an urge (now I’ve said that I’m going to convince myself it IS an urge 🙃) but it’s like just this belief fear thing I get transient episodes of that I am going to hurt somebody very badly against my will. Society will turn against me.

My husband has just been diagnosed with ADHD. HELLO! Everyone my name is Mariah & I'm married to George. We've been together 12 years & married 11 years. About 4 months ago we started marriage counseling. Today was a televisit with our councilor and I have to say I am left annoyed and frustrated. I also have feelings of selfishness and guilt. I am very new to learning about partnering with an ADHD adult & after today's session it feels like the marriage problems aren't a 2 people problem but I'm left feeling like I'm the problem. My husband & the counselor say he's like so & I have to accept that this is his personality. When I asked if people diagnosed with ADHD may take responsibility for any marriage problems they both acted like I offended the whole world of ADHD people. She keeps on saying how many great qualities ADHD people have as well...??? I asked both to please share those qualities their answers "it varies from person to person" I thought we were moving forward I thought he could try and communicate with me better since that's were I feel we both are lacking. I feel terrible for having these feelings since it isn't about me but what the heck! Does this mean? I read the stuff online and I understand it but what's killing me is how does this apply to our relationship. I've been asked to be patient. I've been very patient. Please,I need some advice from maybe partners of significant others with ADHD. What should I focus instead of this feeling of selfishness? It feels like I'm all alone. He has to find himself & the ADHD and I am left out feeling like all these problems have been just on me or in my head because he has ADHD. What do I do?

I was wondering? Do you guys easily get triggered on a daily basis? From like revving engines to pretty much anything else?

I would probably still have no idea that nonverbal cues are even a thing Also why is it only overthinking when it’s things that we do? Normal people will judge someone by their posture while walking but we don’t think of that as overthinking

Hi my fellow fighters. I need some advice from those of who you have slayed this beast OCD as best as you possibly can. Once you've done all your exposures, you've done all your CBT, you've tackled 1-20 of all your greatest fears and nothing has happened, you've reduced your anxiety from maxed-out 100% to like 20% **but you're still struggling with the General Beliefs & Assumptions, the Critical Incident and Early Experiences that kickstarted this mf in the first place --** THEN WHAT? I know not all OCD is from trauma or a messed up childhood but for me it most certainly is - my early life experiences and a critical incident married together so perfectly to give birth to a bunch of general beliefs & assumptions that has brought forth OCD. And now the OCD petals have been plucked out but I am still haunted and bothered and worried, upset and emotional about what brought this about in the first place. How do I tackle this? I've been googling psychologist vs psychiatrist vs psychoanalyst and I am none the wiser. I'm pretty confident I have PTSD but I'm not sure. I'm struggling to process my early life experiences and my general beliefs. If you are struggling with something alongside OCD but that is deeper and a core belief, how do you uproot it? Who do you see to diagnose it and then who should you see to uproot it? Anyone who has any advice and experience in what I'm talking about first-hand, your thoughts are very much appreciated. I am UK based just in case that's relevant. Thanks

Ive been super depressed like to the point where I only eat once a day and barely get out of bed for the past couple of days but I have work tomorrow. How do I cope with my depression before I can see my therapist?

For me at the moment it s [Warduna - Lyfjaber](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEizKmZlUAw)

I just wanna actually like me. GOD IT'S ALL I FUCKING WANT! Why is it? Why do I get such an upclose view of all my flaws and failures? Why are they constantly blaring in my head? What is it like, to fuck up and just be okay with that? To make a mistake, without assuming that it's proof that the world is better off with you gone? What's it like, to just assume you'll figure things out when you don't know what to do? What's it like to be okay when someone tells you they didn't like something you did, because you know deep down that you're valuable person no matter what they think? Tell me, what's it like to think about who you are, and not just see all of the parts of yourself that you wished were different? Because I want the chance to just imagine it. To just fucking imagine it. Like it doesn't even seem real to me. Imagine being able to comfort yourself? Imagine not assuming everyone else doesn't want you around. Imagine thinking you improve other people's lives. Imagine being proud of yourself, imagine feeling like you haven't already betrayed all the hardwork and effort you put into getting where you are? Because I don't understand it. It didn't hit me until now, but I'm just trying so desperately to be a person that I can't even fucking understand. I don't think there's anything more alien to me than the idea of loving myself, of just, accepting me for me. So if any of you guys have been there, even for a second. Even for just a fucking moment in your life, where you're okay with who you are. Tell me, what was it like?

I have addiction issues with benzos and alcohol. I have no license or way to get into meetings Uber is out my near ASD specialist is a $180 round trip. I really prefer in person I never like virtual ones. I don't want to drink I don't want to take benzos I need help. My town is so small it's only for alcoholics. I tired it out but it was way to religious. I never hurt anyone but myself I am alone nobody to care for just trying to make it. I never stole I always worked for my fix I'm sad to say that but I rather die before I steal for a fix.

I've been having a hard time finding work, does anybody have a job hunting resource for people with ASD

Hello, this is my first post here. I dont know if I'm looking for advice or just others' perspectives on a situation or what, but I need to discuss it in a space where others might understand. I'm a college student. I also have PTSD from a situation that was very abusive and fucked six ways to sunday. One that effectively destroyed my life and very nearly killed me. I had to take time off school because of it, and ultimately I ended up moving to a new state and transferring universities and just trying to start a new life. I've been having trouble continuing studying what I used to study (physics), so I've been kind of branching out with other types of classes to see if i might want to change my major and pursue something else instead. That's why this semester I'm taking a drama class. I thought that maybe doing something different and creative/artistic might be a positive experience. This is an introductory course for students who are not drama majors, so I had an expectation that it would be good exposure to the dramatic arts without expecting too much of me. But it has become a huge source of anxiety and stress for me. The current situation: The bulk of the semester's graded assignments are tied into this one play we were assigned to read. This play deals with some very heavy and serious material--that is similar to the situation I escaped from--and when it was first assigned I read the synopsis and knew that I might find it unpleasant but I really thought it wouldn't bother me too badly. I thought I could deal with it. I was wrong. We didn't actually get around to reading the play itself until last week (already midway through the semester). I found it was really hard to get through, even reading it privately, and my insomnia, nightmares and even flashbacks have been much worse because of it. Then, the instructors said the next assignment is to actually perform the scenes from the play, for the entire class. I 100% know I cannot do this. I read through the scene I was assigned and it was awful--they're basically asking me to step into the role of a character who is hurting another character in exactly the way I was hurt IRL, and this is a character the audience is meant to sympathize with in this scene. I emailed my instructor and explained that the central themes and content of this play are hitting me hard because they are similar to a past experience of mine that was traumatic, and that I did not anticipate that I was going to have this much of a problem with it but I am, and that I didnt feel safe or comfortable performing scenes from it. I asked if he was willing to work with me on an alternative so that I can still be part of the class and have a chance at a good grade. My instructor is basically unwilling to work with or even try to accommodate me. He stressed what an inconvenience it was to bring up so late in the semester and also said it would be unfair to the other students if he were to allow me a difference scene or an alternative assignment and that my unwillingness to participate would negatively affect their grades. He also suggested that performing these scenes offers "a rare opportunity for healing". We emailed back and forth a bit, he asked me to discuss it in person but also refused to schedule office hours on account of being too busy, and concluded by saying that accommodating ne would result in a serious deduction from my grade--basically, that I would be failed. I am at a loss for what to do or how to respond. I think that "opportunities for healing" are in the realm of therapy, not an undergraduate intro to drama class. I had been seeing a therapist until recently, and this traumatic experience I suffered was not so long ago. I'm not over it. I havent healed yet. I am working on it but recovery is a process. I should not have to compromise my mental health or my academic success for the sake of classroom art. This is an awful position I'm being put in, it's incredibly triggering, but I seem to have no recourse. I'm not registered with the campus disability office because frankly I didn't need the type of accommodations they offer (extra test time and whatnot) but it also means that if I take it up with a higher authority the instructor has every right to deny me accommodation because I'm not officially documented with the campus. Simply dropping the class is not an option because my financial aid is dependent upon me being enrolled as a full time student (by credit hour) and I live off my financial aid. That's what I pay rent with. If I lose my aid I will most definitely be evicted by Christmas. I feel so powerless and angry and like this is not right, but I've been told by some people that its normal and expected to "suffer for your art" or that having a related trauma is actually good because it will make my performance "more authentic". This is not goddamn Broadway, this is Drama 101 for Non-majors!! I came to this university, I took this particular class, to try to move on from my abuse, not to relive it and perform it publicly for entertainment and a grade. The stress and anxiety is affecting my ability to function, I have relapsed with self harm, I started out the semester so excited for this class and eager to learn but now I just dread it, and I'm disgusted with myself for being so weak and inconvenient to everyone.

How to explain** I recently told everyone that I just got diagnosed with ADHD and they didn’t believe me. When I told my problems to them. They were like “yeah It happened to me too” or “that’s pretty normal” I just need some empathy from them and need to hear something like “You will get better. I’m always here for you. You have my support “ What am i gonna do when self-love is not enough?

Most of the time I feel just neutral to me feeling any emotion is a relatively uncommon event that happens like a couple times a week.

Send me a message ! And we can talk if you’re going through a harsh time.

Hey y'all. I honestly just need to vent. I was diagnosed with ADHD last month and got prescribed 10mg adderall to take twice a day. I've only been taking it when I go to class or need to study because I have a really hard time focusing (in general). The few times I've taken it outside of class for a clearer head/ executive function I've noticed I'm little more snippy/aggressive than usual so I only try to take it when I need to study. However I've taken it a few times and become completely focused on something else and then spend the entire "working period" of my meds not studying. Yesterday I was told I wasn't needed at work so I decided to spend the morning playing animal crossing (the new update lol). I was so engrossed I didn't eat or do anything from 7am to 12pm. Then I realized I should probably eat and take my adderall so I could study. Well I ate and then took my meds and ended up taking a two hour nap. I didn't wake up until almost 5pm. I was so frustrated but i still tried to study. I ended up barely studying and instead kept switching between playing animal crossing and doing one question at a time on my study guide. I didn't have this issue when I first started my adderall. I have my one month follow up on Tuesday and I'm considering asking about a higher dose. I'd like to take my adderall daily just bc of my dysfunction and general brain fog all the time but the decreased appetite kinda worries me. When I first started my meds I went a whole day without eating bc my brain couldn't comprehend that i needed food if my stomach wasn't growling. Honestly just having a hard time and I feel like an imposter both with my ADHD diagnosis and my progress in my nursing program. (I didn't really retain any info for nursing until I started taking my adderall so I feel so far behind even though I've managed to pass all my previous classes with B's.)

I think my brain is going into blank mode because it’s overwhelmed rn. Ok I’m back. Anyways I’ve been really worried lately and very depressed and sad. Feeling a lot of despair and terror. Mostly cuz so much death has been around me these past couple years. But also just getting older. I’m 27. I look around my family and I’m terrified that none of us are actually ok. Both parents are very successful and well know in the community but I still worry that just like I’ve been suffering alone with OCD, social anxiety and depression, they probably have as well. Though maybe not in the same way. I can just tell that so many people say they’re “ok” but in their eyes they are everything but that. It crushed me today thinking of our house and all of use just weeping despondently alone all with walls between us. Never embracing each other. Just picture how sad that is. Jesus. Anyways. For myself I come in and out of these weird phases or points of view where I feel like a fraud with my mental illness and times when I’m literally despairing. I’ve had moments where I step back and realize that certain behaviors of mine aren’t normal. Like how I socially shut down in certain situations. Like I almost try to disappear. Like a wall comes up when certain things happen in social settings, one that I can never get over. Like how I spend an uncommon amount of time weeping in despair all by myself. Most of my emotional support comes from myself and also these types of posts tbh. Getting back to socializing after a year inside helped some of this stuff become apparent. And I knew this was going to happen too. I won’t go into detail but some comments that I think were meant to be inclusive to socially awkward people like myself actually made me feel like a freak. One of my siblings friends talked about some dating technique but didn’t mention my name when he suggested that the guys try it out on their next date. Cuz he knows I haven’t so much as brushed past a female in like over half a decade. But stuff like being a 27 yo virgin living at home with no job is really trivial. Sad to say. Back to my family. I’m worried about how stuck in our roles and ways we humans can get. It’s very very scary. I recently witnessed true suffering, my grandparent dying. Not just dying, worse. It seemed like every moment she was in unbearable pain. And I stayed nights there and tried to care for her. I worry they shouldn’t have been alive for so long. Physically must have been suffering for years and mentally? God knows. There’s other unspeakable tragedies that have happened in my family. I worry about how all this stuff has impacted me and who I am and what I’ll be. How it’s impacted my parents and there personality. I can see very clearly a dysfunctional cycle and history repeating itself. Sometimes I feel like the only one in the family that does see this kind of stuff, so I bear that burden. Of having to live that reality while everyone else lives in a different one, oblivious. It almost feels like insanity at times. Parallel realities. I feel like I carry a lot of unspoken burdens, many many related to my personality and ocd. I’m scared that my life will stay this way until the end if it all stays unspoken. Got nothing else. I was crying my eyes out and had to talk but I’m done. Please reply if you want to and Thanks for reading this jumbled mess if you did.

TW: Sexual assault I’m kind of just yelling into the void today, but I just feel so heavy and don’t know what to do with all of that. I look at people who are so well adjusted and healthy, the ones that do art and have friends over and cook real dinners. I’m just so upset that none of that is easy for me. I can barely manage eating a microwave meal or showering sometimes. It’s like I only have enough energy to do one thing, and once that’s done I’m done too. I see some people who go to school and work and still have the energy to go to the gym all while being happy and refreshed. I feel like I haven’t slept in 10 years even when my sleep is okay. I’m just so damn tired of all this. I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly at war with myself. I feel like a bad person all the time because I think “what if I’m just faking all of this to manipulate people? “ What if I made this all up? My own body triggered a flashback the other day. I put my own hand on myself and there I was, feeling absolutely dirty and used and impure. Like he was here ruining me again. I feel like a shell of the girl I used to be. Like there isn’t one ounce of light in me anymore.

Sorry for how long this is- just a lot of background info haha When I was 16, I did an exchange abroad in South Korea. I met a man (26) online through Tinder ( I know, I know. I should've been more cautious regarding my safety in a foreign country, but all my cohort members were using it and I was curious about experiences with the opposite gender, plus I go to an all-girls high school lol). In the first meeting, we went to karaoke and had a nice time; the only strange part (to me at the time) was him wanting me to sit on his lap. At this point, he still thinks I am 18. We go to hangout again after I finish class- we eat dinner at a nice Japanese restaurant, not too fancy or expensive, and although I offer to pay for myself he purchases it for me. After walking around Hongdae for a bit, we arrive at a love motel (a motel for couples that want to rent a space for a few hours because most people still live with their parents/ roommates due to how expensive housing in Korea is). This was my second time at one of these, but I still did not recognize it (another man brought me to one after hitting on me at a convenience store. 16yo brain liked the attention and went with him on dates and eventually to the motel where he attempted to take my virginity, somewhat consensually but I did not fully understand sex at that time, but I stopped him). Once I recognized what was going on, I told him I did not want to go. He started acting like I was being selfish because "he had paid for my dinner and he makes only a little bit of money from math tutoring" (YOU'RE 26); I felt like I owed it to him to just go, and try to not advance anything. He had already made the reservation in ADVANCE, and while checking in he hid me from the worker. We went upstairs and laid down together. He told me to take a shower and promised I could get back into my regular clothes afterward. I showered, and he took my clothes from the table I put them on so I came out in just a towel. He brought my clothes in with him to wash while I laid down in my towel. He came out and immediately went on top of me. I was yelling at him not to, trying to push him off. He physically opened my legs while he was above me, and because I was not aroused or ready, he used some lubrication he had purchased before our meeting. He did, well, it for a bit with my protests still continuing until he told me he couldn't finish due to my actions. He made me finish him orally instead. To this day, I can be somewhere in public and still smell him. It literally knocks the consciousness out of my body. Therapy has really helped me to manage these through grounding myself. However, two years later, new triggers have been popping up: my current boyfriend grew his hair out long enough to when it resembled my rapist's, and I couldn't look at him or touch him without feeling disgusted or angry. I struggle to communicate online with others because he 1. was from a dating app and 2. messaged all my cohort members in Korea about how much of a cheating slut I was because I was refusing to see him and going out with other guys (the event really triggered newfound hypersexuality in me that caused the contraction of an STI). How do I manage these feelings? I just want to live normally and I get frustrated when my day-to-day functioning is inhibited by these experiences. :( If anyone has any advice I would be grateful to hear it.

One of the most common advice for real event ocd is to stop ruminating. But how do I do that? I feel really confused, because if I quickly stop my thoughts when they come at me it's a compulsion for temporary relief. But if I just keep them going it's ruminating / it will lead to ruminating. I don't really understand the concept of 'accepting worst case scenarios' and 'let anxiety sit there' thing. Some say that I should think through the worst case scenarios until my brain gets tired of it & to a point where I feel comfortable with my anxiety. But some say that thinking about what would happen scenarios is ruminating... it's really confusing. Currently i can't afford a therapist so all I have is information on the internet. Can anyone help me understand the concept?

Hey, I got a few questions because I got prescribed methylphenidate/Ritalin: How are you folks doing on them long-term? How long have you been taking them? Did you develope tolerance to them? Did you find out that - without medication - your symptoms got worse after long-term use compared to never having been treated?

Sometimes I'm scrolling through a comment section and there's so much to think about, process and mentally respond to that I need to exit the app, take a break and then continue reading. I suppose, at least that's something you can do when you're online, which might be why I prefer to use social media over phone calls or meeting up. But does anyone else experience this? Getting that same overwhelming feeling, ears ringing etc just from reading through a busy thread, or a post that makes you feel a lot of confusion, ! moments or excitement?

Every time I talk about my damn problems on this website people just say I should stay offline and ignore all the haters. This is annoying. It's under the Impression that I actively searched through Reddit just to hear people who disagree with me. I honestly didn't really use Reddit until last year. That was after my life turned to shit. It was more or less the little things ya know. A snarky remark from someone I met here in a youtube video there before one final thing broke the camel's back and made my life miserable. Now I can't enjoy life anymore. Whatever the case I just fell alone. Like no one understands my problems and just sees me as a joke. I just want people to hear me out. I hate to be that guy who plugs his other posts but it would mean a lot to me if you all read some of these. [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/pdw7rw/gamers\_made\_me\_depressed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/pdw7rw/gamers_made_me_depressed/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/r0m0go/i\_cant\_do\_this\_anymore/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/r0m0go/i_cant_do_this_anymore/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/q1dpym/i\_miss\_my\_friends/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/q1dpym/i_miss_my_friends/) &#x200B; All of that stuff has been on my mind lately and I just want as many people as possible to hear what I have to say. I don't want my pain to be forgotten or misunderstood.

i get these thoughts,, for example: i’m showering and suddenly i think that i’m actually in a public place naked, or in class. it also happens when i’m in my room all alone, and i can’t relax because i think i’m actually somewhere else, i can’t even lay on my bed without thinking that i’m ACTUALLY laying down outside while people stare

This is an obsession of mine. I persistently try and figure out "did I have a good Christmas or not" or "did I have a good time at the family reunion or not". Often I am excited and want to have fun and so as a result my OCD acts up and the event ends 50-50. Some of you may remember me from Yahoo Answers, I often asked about this for a time. Not looking for reassurance of any given occasion, just wondering what good ways might be to break this habit and OCD cycle. I am diagnosed OCD so have a full case of it. Am in therapy and just looking for additional advise.

I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, but GAD. I personally think the former is more appropriate than the latter. my psychiatrist doesn't agree, but I told him I was following methods for ADHD management and He's not opposed. Whatever floats your boat. I guess. Anyway, I have immense difficulty starting the day. I would take 2 mg Ativan or 20 mg melatonin to fall asleep set my alarm 10 hours later, and would still go right back to bed. I even got a Pavlok to shock me out of bed. put a lock on the wristband so I wouldn't take it out and snooze. I put the key under a cold-brew coffee mug in the fridge. I would shock myself up, go to the fridge, down the coffee, unlock the Pavlock from my wrist and... wait for it... go right back to sleep... it's like my brain is saying that's enough for today. go lay still until something interesting pops up. if I have an outside engagement, I would miraculously wake up just enough in time before I can be late. if my morning plan is to do some personal work forget it. I'll open my eyes at 2 pm. whatever I add to my morning routine to make it more interesting, it's never as appealing as shutting my eyes. once, I even went back to sleep in the cold tub in the bathroom... I don't know what to do...

All I want is friends and people to talk to, but the second I reach out/people reach out to me, I just get so worried that I'm boring or not fun to talk to that I completely clam up. I posted on a friend subreddit and got so overwhelmed with the messages I couldn't answer half of them. All the conversationns I have come to a screeching halt because I can never think of good responses to conversations to keep it going. I just wish I was good at being a person because I just want a friend. It's not that I'm even anxious. Just the dread that I know the person on the other end will be bored of me if they aren't already. It probably doesnt help that I'm a super boring person either. :( &#x200B; 1am sad rant over.

So I have diagnosed contamination OCD and have been in therapy for a bit and feel that I am finally ready to own a dog. I have picked out a dog to adopt and am getting nervous that maybe once I have a dog brand new obsessions and compulsions will pop up and make things difficult. Is there anyone that’s been in this situation that can give some tips or advice?

Not sure if i have ptsd but 4 years ago had my first panic attack when in bed from a movie. After 2 years i felt like i completely got over it but then one day, it was the best time ive had in my life. When i went to bed that night i suddenly felt all the innocent chlidish aura in me again but when i went to sleep i had a nightmare with that same movie and next day got a stomach ache. Was this caused back then because i reached the peak of joy, so to speak? Does it mean if i experience peak joy again that its gonna happen again?

I constantly battle between the feeling of thinking I'm completely sure that I solved a mind riddle produced by my main obsession. Sometimes, the feeling is so intense that I get the impression I'm finally cured. But, of course, this only lasts for some hours or a day. It's never more than that. Then, I have to battle with the same idea and, usually, I get to the exact same solving process I did the last time. And I get the exact same feeling of calm and "momentary cure". It's like I can't escape from this loophole. And it usually stays like this because of the same mind riddle... I honestly don't know how to cope. I always seem to get drawn into the same exhausting thought patterns. And the "what ifs" are usually not new thoughts, but the same ones over and over. But they produce the exact same anxiety every time... How do I stop this awful routine?

Is there a guide or wiki for social interaction? If there isn’t then maybe we could make one.

I just don't know what to do to be honest. I can't fucking focus, I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest, my mind just can't stop. I finally cracked, and now my university work is being negatively impacted. I feel so weak. I did the first step of getting a diagnosis about 6 months ago and just couldn't even bring myself to phone back my doctor to continue with my diagnosis. I am fucking pathetic and I hate myself. My family doesn't believe in ADHD, luckily I am over 18 now so I can do the stuff I need to, but everytime I try and even think to ask for help I am just met with this mile high wall that I can't surmount. I don't even know what to do anymore. I get very little sleep. I lost a fair bit of weight through starvation (25kg) because I thought it might just be that; I feel no different. No fucking different. I'm sitting here, trying just to write this for who knows what reason, and I can't even force myself to concentrate on this. this stupid fucking thing. How am I meant to go on for another 70+ years? How am I even meant to finish this year of Uni? Things finally started looking like they were going up, that I was finally getting somewhere through all the struggle, and now I can barely read a paragraph of text or come up with some creative output before my mind bends into a thousand little knots. What can I do?

Im hiding out in my freaking toilet at home. Just locking myself in. I dont want to face my mom or anyone. I have no where else to go. I cant leave yet, itll cost me lots of money to get my own place. Im so tired and stressed out. My family triggered me so much, my head is banging it hurts.

Asking because I have experienced this myself and talked to my psychiatrists nurse about it. She said many of the other patients with combined ASD and ADHD have reported the same and it is a thing that can happen when you treat your ADHD symptoms. Was wondering if anybody else has heard about this phenomenon.

Okay read my first post to see what happened to me. Now, my brain is in a state where I only use 1/3 of my brain and the 2/3 i cannot think because there is a thought stuck there. Omg do I make sense? It's actually driving me insane. Fluvoxamine doesn't work, lexapro doesn't work, ect doesn't work. I am considering hacking so I can process what I messaged on that website. But my brain leaning towards the creative side so I cannot understand hacking at all. Sad life. Honestly, I think the only thing that can help me is to die and I don't want to die. Honestly, I think my brain is permanently damaged.