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AnuradhaPoddar

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After 2 decades in therapy and on meds I’ve decided to give up trying any longer. My hope for a better future is 100% gone. Any glimmer of motivation or belief that circumstances will improve is gone. I don’t need any encouragement. Just wanted to speak my truth.

**I am 19 years old and it seems I am in a process of "late adolescence"** According to my psychologist, Aspergers tend to have a different adolescence process than neurotypicals, which is usually worse. Apparently, the body and hormonal changes occur in the same way as the rest, but the difference is that Aspergers have a delay in emotional development, which causes them to continue doing their "child routines" as a defense mechanism. While neurotypicals think about girlfriends or what party they will go to on the weekend, Aspergers think about what time their favorite series begins. Then their process of emotional change occurs between the ages of 18 and 20, it is when they begin to seriously think about what they should have done when they were between 12 and 17 years old. That is why it is difficult for them to pass from adolescence to adult life because there is a break between those years, the distinction is very short and does not give way to a prolonged change but they live it suddenly and that is when everything is it goes to shit. So I am currently living in late adolescence so everything is complicated for me, it does not make sense, why should I worry about living this shit? I'd rather skip it and avoid all that teenage drama that only brings trouble. But according to my psychologist, I must live this stage to pass all the changes correctly, he says that it will be a problem for me because legally I am an adult but I still have to ask my parents for permission if I want to go aside, the lack of experience in all Social realms makes me very naive, so I end up getting into trouble without wanting it. Starting to live this is fucking shit, I wish it would end soon but it seems like it will stay for a while, *so how was your adolescence? what did you do? what did you not do? in what period did you live it? what experiences did you have? how did you act? or if you're going through it, how is it? Any recommendation?*

I've been struggling to brush my teeth for so long as I never thought I was gonna make it past 19 and now I'm nearly 20 and I have braces that need to come off too and theyve been starting to hurt so bad but I'm scared since my bill isn't paid off and my teeth and braces are in such bad condition and I don't know what I'm gonna do

Hello, I'm French and this last year was very hard for me. I begun to developp an energy and emotional block around my chest. The only times, this energy and emotional block leaves, is when I meet new people that I'm captivate to talk with ( a surfer, a bodybuilder for example) I don't know why it works when I find this kind of interesting people and talk with them, but after I feel truly " Alive" , I feel the rapture of being alive All the energy and emotions moves around my body again , and again I can imagine, feel and see images in my mind. It's hard to multiply this kind of experience with the lockdown. I'm hurt as hell in my chest sometimes, like this energy want to go out, but at the same time, it push inside me. The effect is apathy, I don't feel anything like before, like passion ,excitment etc. , I feel like I'm floating and not root in reality, anchor in reality 7 years ago , an aggression happen to me. So I don't know if it's related. I developped for sure somatic problem the last few years after the aggression, like big itches, big stomach trouble. Bit this year is the worst and I want to do something about it. And heal because I can not function well. I did my first emdr session saturday, I still have the energy and emotion block in my chest. Does emdr works for my kind of trouble ? Is It possible with emdr for me to feel again truly alive ? ( like when I talk with new people really different than me ) Does emdr can break the energy and emotional blockage in my chest ? Sorry I'm French, so I certainly made a lot of mistakes in this text. But Americans people seems to know emdr well, so please help me. I would be grateful to hear your testimony or advices. God bless.

The only resource I have right now is the internet and Reddit but it’s honestly pointless hoping people online can give any positivity or legit answers. I’m way past trying to kill myself at this point all I do is sit and fester with my thoughts and emotions. It affects me physically, some days I get so overwhelmed it feels like my insides are being torn apart and my heart feels like daggers are being shoved through it I don’t mean metaphorically either it legitimately severely hurts when I’m overwhelmed or too depressed now so I feel like I’m being forced to be happy even if that means doing drugs. I’m so goddamn tired yo. I have no motivation to try to get better, when I try to find answers I’m reminded nobody cares and even if they say they do they can’t handle my emotions anyways. I have no release or privacy because I don’t live alone and any attempt I’ve made for 2 years almost to get out of this house keep failing. I can’t do anything right and being talented hasn’t done shit for me. Nothing has. I don’t know why God or the universe won’t just take me out today but at this rate who cares I’ll probably die of a stress induced heart attack or a stroke anyways.

C’mon, man. I’m tired. Stop replaying the damn scenes inside my head now. I’m tired. You’ve done this for decades now. Give me a damn break.

I don’t know exactly when I started doing it, but sometimes if I’m having an abuse-centric nightmare, I’m lucid just enough to start screaming in the nightmare so hard that it jolts me awake. It leaves me pretty triggered for the rest of the day, but also grateful that I was able to wake myself up. Does anyone else experience anything like this?

I have intrusive thoughts about my past mistakes and they make me want to cut myself. Luckily I haven’t cut in years, but the urge to do it when I have intrusive thoughts is very strong.

I thought I could admit my thoughts to her. Thought I can trust her. When we broke up, and yeah I kept annoying her trying to talk and didn't give space but didn't give her the right to post me on Facebook and say I'm a predator and let the world know I've had intrusive thoughts of aweful things. Really painted me to be this monster. And of course people put their 2 sense and judge the fuck out-of me. I'd never act on these thoughts I do not desire them. I thought I could trust her. She deleted the post because my mom's bf spoke to her and she deleted it but still. What the fuck. I fucking already beat myself up over these thoughts and wanted to not exist because of these thoughts. I haven't tried to harm myself but still. I told her I get these thoughts and I showed her this page and videos and I think articles but still. I get left for it? Then put on blast. Wow, really makes me feel better. I hope she sleeps good at night knowing what the fuck she did. With 0 regrets . It feels great .

Just a normal 18 year old. Obese and depressed(i guess). Had a close friend for almost 4.5 years but now he is in a relationship and i guess forgot about me. I was a bright student till midschool but now i am barely passing. Parents have lost all hopes from me. I thought to become a software developer but now don't think i can even get a good college. I have no hopes left. All that is left is fake expressions in front of people. Every night i regret and feel guilty of god knows what. Regret and guilt areclike the only true feelings left. Dont have enough courage or strength to kill myself. Just traped in this worthless life and living without any goal.

Back story: I (20F) have PTSD from child abuse from older women. I constantly live in fear that im going to be hurt again by these same women (especially the ones my dad brings into my life) and am not sure how to live peacefully. Currently, I’m saving up for a car with my retail job to try and get away from the chaos but it’s become a struggle to do things in my day-to-day life. At home, I live in fear. At work, I feel a bit more comfortable since I’m working in customer service; I’m like a different person. I guess the big question is: how can I feel more safe in my environment and stop living in fear of what could be?

I have been dealing with OCD and depression and overall mental illness for years now, but recently I’ve realized how far I’ve overcome anxiety and how much I’ve improved with certain parts of OCD. However, my doctor prescribed me for Prozac (an antidepressant which also helps with ocd and anxiety). So far 3 days in I’ve only felt worse, and just simply taking the pill makes me feel worse and makes me feel like I’m not even myself anymore. The pills and idea of the pills make me question if I’d rather just deal with ocd and depression and not risk losing myself or my emotions through medication. Do the pills really make OCD easy to overcome and help resist the compulsions and intrusive thoughts or is it not worth the risk?

I am a 23 year-old female. Not clinically diagnosed, and I don’t plan on doing it, because I don’t think I need accommodations or resources requiring an official diagnosis, and I don’t want to spend $2000 or possible more. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few years back. I believe that was and still is a correct diagnosis, but I know something else is missing here. I have been doing research on Aspergers for a few years now. I’ve done everything from videos, online articles, books created by diagnosed adults to academic research papers. I also looked at ADHD, Borderline, Bipolar, Highly Sensitive Person, or just Sensory Overload on its own, and I strongly resonate with Aspergers symptoms. I am moving to a new city soon and I think starting to tell new ppl I meet about this might be beneficial. Maybe I can be more myself and mask less so I can be less tired all the time. 1. Is this “allowed”? What do those of you who have an official diagnosis think of this? 2. Has anyone done this and how’s life going for you? 3. If you think I should invest in getting a diagnosis, what would I gain from it that I probably don’t know I need yet? Would love to know any of your thoughts, thanks and stay safe everyone 🖤🖤

I ended up being so weak from hunger and sleep depravity with a combo of blood pressure meds for my nightmares... it was scary and I felt what I think was my body shut down?. I just feel so pathetic... i had to call my boyfriends brother to help me eat and drink cause I started losing the ability to hear or see. Idk know why I am sharing i just felt the need to.

I always have a had time telling people about my struggles with this mental illness because they don’t understand what is like to have these thoughts I remember trying to tell someone about my intrusive thoughts and they just called me gross it kinda makes me sad because I wish they could understand but I know they won’t also some people on this app can be assholes to who like to troll but I guess that come with the territory

TLDR: pills was stoled and I gots beat fors acting like I have ADHD, and I'm mad at hypocrisy and the world... I had a troubled childhood and when the govt people in charge of me had enough they sent me (6yo) to a shrink who prescribed some adderall and Ritalin. I'm just a kid, so I don't think much of it, but it helps. Everyone can tell. Few years go past, govt. gets extended family involved. They're wealthy and uberchristian, so it must be a good fit, right? Well, at 10 they ship me off to BFE, and within a couple months the new relatives decide I don't need pills anymore, cause why should kids get meth? and then for the next two years, they assault, abuse, and one time break bones for acting like the demon child I was/am. Eventually they've had enough cause nothing is working and the govt. gets involved and I get shipped back to where I come from. I'm still not on pills. 20 years go by. I finally get someone to listen, and I get a prescription again. "Holy shit, where were these my whole life" type of moment. I feel like I've had 20 years of clarity stolen from me. I'm hella booksmart, but I'm pretty fucking shit at life. 2.5 months. I got a raise twice in two months. I was in HS, and the military and was just a consumate fuckup. College is a pipe dream. 20 fucking years, my dudes. Anyway, I give my doctor all my info and she did some incredibly terrifying deep dive research ( I think she's... *CIA*) And she found out that my prescription was still being filled out the entire time I lived with "family" signed and dated and everything black and white. So, I get beat for acting like a shithead, but if you gave me the pills, then I wouldn't act like a shithead.... and unless they were taking them (which I doubt), then they were selling them. Well, his fat ass had a heart attack and died a few years ago, but his wife and kids are still around, and I'm seriously contemplating getting my 20 years back with violence, but then they'd probably get mad and I'd get the chair. So, short of a biblical version of vindication, what are my options? I feel like breaking my ass bone, due to hypocrisy, is warranting something...*Billy Butcher voice*... fuckin' diabolical.

I don’t know if I’m simply burned out because, of school. But I been lacking motivation since the fall. Been feeling I can’t do anything, and whatever I do is not enough. I also get anxious when I’m not distracted by music or a video. So idk what I got myself into. But, it sucks. There’s tons of work that’s needs to be done and I just can’t do them.

Hi all! i have a friend, who suffers with OCD and I really want to help her to the best that I can, and with saying that I want to reassure her but the way I reassure people comes off as repetitive, is there anything that I can say to her and tell her that may reassure her of her intrusive thoughts? I really do want to help her but I just feel really stuck.

Sometimes I forget I have ADHD. That usually happens when I do weird, but harmful things—like forgetting to reply a client email for days. Or seeing the email and just not knowing how to respond. I haven't gotten meds for the past three weeks now, so living has been hell. You'd expect me to reduce my expectations for work and productivity. Did I do that? Nope. Instead I expected myself to "push through" and hit the same level of productivity as I did on medication. Yesterday, I thought about it and reminded myself that I have a brain disorder. It means the likelihood of me doing "weird, but harmful" things is dramatically increased. It also means I need to be kinder to myself as I try to work with faulty brain chemicals. I guess this goes out to others: ADHD is a mental illness, not a character flaw. I'm not saying we need to blame our ADHD for everything. However, we can at least be less self-critical and appreciate ourselves for the effort we're making to lead better lives.

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT in any way promoting the use of any drugs in this post. I have Asperger's and I have used marijuana twice and both times I had terrible panic attacks because of it. I have read that people with Autism usually have more intense reactions to marijuana but I had auditory hallucinations and could not think at all and almost literally became comatose for two hours while awake. I'm here wondering if any of you have had similar reactions to this drug.

Hey first thing I guess I need to say is TW and second I’m not too familiar with what PTSD is and if it fits my situation but just wondering if I need to look into it? I’m 20M At a young age I was abused physically by my dad up to age 10 or so then he went to jail when he finally got in trouble (well a little trouble) by children’s services. To keep a long kinda gross story short as possible I had to move in with an uncle along with my mom and was sexually abused pretty much daily for a number of years (till I was 17) I am 20 now and dealing with a lot of the physical things it caused, I had a few broken bones that were never treated and have to have surgery on my arm. Also because I did not eat a lot it caused a stunted development so I’m im also seeing a endocrinologist to help with that. Is PTSD something that develops from a relatively fast traumatic experience or can it develop over an event that lasted most of your life? Like I feel happy and rarely get depressed but at times I have some anxiety that one of them will locate me. I left my home at 17 and keep very little contact with my mom, who is not going to get mother if the year anytime soon. I also stay off social media (not counting Reddit) for fear of being found. Should I seek out some kind of PTSD consoling or is there an area that would be better equipped? I have days I feel like I’m a mess but generally I’m okay. But this is a dark secret for me and have not told anyone about the sexual abuse and few know about the physical abuse. Thanks so much and thanks for sharing your experiences it has helped me a lot!

I know this probably isn't normal but when I was 6 I was diagnosed with ASD and I never have liked the feeling of body hair pressed on my clothing and shave a lot to get rid of it do they have something for this and does anyone else have this issue I don't want to be rude I know it's different for everyone and it's not an issuse just can't think of a better word right now just wanted to see if anyone was the same way and does anybody else just talk about something they enjoy and people always tell you to stop talking because you go on and on and on I don't mean to it's just very interesting to me.

My OCD is breaking me right now. I cant stop thinking about stuff from the past and ruminating over it. I confessed some of it to my parents but the cycle isnt ending. Please help me.

Hi, sorry of this isnt the right place to post this but im at the end of the road. Late diagnosis at uni and have spent the rest of the time trying to make sense of what it means. I have lived 43 years with this and have never taken any meds. Has anyone else started taking meds and how did it affect you? Was there a type that you could take for a flareup? I did the same thing with sleeping tablets over 3 months or so and that worked really well. Haven't needed them in about a year. Im not wanting to take them but at the moment im failing to keep control of my temper. Ive ended up holding a hot spoon on my arm it stop the cacophony in my head. Im now at the point where i know im not in control. If this continues my partner is going to leave as nobody should have to put up this. Ive tried speaking to my doctor's who have said it 'low moods' they suggested CBT but when the things setting you off, work and IBS, out of your hands its not really helpful. Last time i did it i was already doing the things i needed to. Excuse the typos but i left the house without glasses. 👍

Started out the year with a plan of getting a house. First week into this year my now ex wife decides she wants to open our marriage and doesn’t want to continue being monogamous, I tell her I can’t do that and move out back to my parents. Ended up getting a divorce half way through the year. Lost my cats, my school debt is starting to pile up, and I find less reasons to keep going all the time. My hobbies don’t interest me as much as they used too, and I find myself getting really upset at any setbacks anymore. The one thing I’m really looking forward to is the new year, because I just want a fresh start and to put all this garbage behind me. How do I keep my focus on what the future could be, when the now is horrible?

biographical information: 18M, senior in high school, currently in the midst of college apps so, I am unsure. A lot of the symptoms and the memes that I have been seeing have been really resonating with me. This meme in particular hit close to home with every one of these symptoms being something that was a major part of my life. [https://i.redd.it/azif3mz6lcx71.jpg](https://i.redd.it/azif3mz6lcx71.jpg) Some Facts about Me: * I have this massive reclusive streak. Gmail has this amazing feature that allows emails to be sent in the future. This has the great effect of allowing me to take a moment of extreme motivation and attempt to spread it out over multiple days. * Programming was my consistent interest, but rather the type of programming was never consistent. If something was boring, I would simply not do it, and that was a struggle (kind of scatterbrained). * I would consider myself a good bad student. I have terrible problems keeping up with deadlines, but I can usually actively procrastinate enough that it does not matter even with several AP classes. * Cellular phone addiction is a bad thing that I also have. In all honesty this is the thing that I am most worried about, a bad habit that I really need to remedy. * I feel as though it has gotten worse. Is senoritas amplified? I may have an early-onset variant. How would I know if it is enough to be ADHD? At the same time, though, I feel as if a diagnosis could just be a validation of my bad habits, and that it could be an excuse. \----------------------------------------- Suggestions: * How to get diagnosed? Should I get diagnosed ASAP or should I wait? College admissions are currently a big stressors; therefore, what is the harm in waiting another \~2 months till the January deadline. * What is the process like? Tips on navigating this with parents? How straightforward can it be? Should be expecting a large amount of pushback in terms of getting a diagnosis?

i dont actually know if im having a hard time right now, maybe i am or maybe im not but i really wanna end everything. i dont know how to handle stuffs like this, i sorta need some help?

I just need to rant for a minute. My old therapist quit early this year, and I’ve been trying to find a therapist for like 9 months now. I live in a medium sized town, and there’s a lot of therapists around, but I’m having no luck. I found this one group that has therapists that have experience with adhd and trauma, but they were self pay only and I can’t afford $120 every week. I found another one who’s wait list is closed until early next year, and that’s extremely frustrating, and she recommended that I keep looking. I found a clinic in my town that works with people with adhd specifically, and I got in contact with them and then their email address stopped working. Finally, I contacted the center that my husband goes to and they had therapists available! Then she stopped responding to my emails and couldn’t accept my insurance yet but was willing to do sliding scale. This all feels so hopeless and I feel so alone. I want to improve and get better but it’s like everything is against me. My psych keeps recommending different therapists but they either don’t return my calls or aren’t accepting new patients. I’m also looking for a therapist who can help with both my PTSD and adhd, which limits my choices even more. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

I feel my mind constantly takes every little thing in my life that shouldn’t be an issue, and make it “an issue”. My mind is always taking the smallest of things out of context. My main issue that I’ve been struggling with is that my ocd has been telling me that I’m a very hateful and not excepting person. When on the flipside that’s the exact opposite I’ve never been a racist, homophobic person. And im someone who is always open to people expressing themselves in whichever form they wish because why shouldn’t they? But of course, my mind loves to play tricks on me and ruin everything that I love in life. It sucks, I just want to be okay. I know this isn’t me but my mind keeps saying this is me I just want to have my normal mind back again

All I(19F) know is that something happened to me. I can’t tell exactly what it is, and when I try to remember I feel anxious and end up losing myself. I get cold, I don’t know where I am, my tummy starts to tell me something is not okay, I get confused and I can't process my surroundings. I understand basically nothing. I lose control. The only person who saw me when I started to feel bad like that was my T, because unfortunately it happened in front of her once. It was really bad, and I couldn't enter her room for a while. It took me a year to be capable to even say (Actually, I had to draw comics) there was a problem in that day. She didn't force me to talk about it. I remember a psychiatrist talking to me about PTSD, but I was 16 and didn't wanna be there. I'm always thinking about how I am a fraud because I can't remember some aspects of what happened and what was done to me. Even though my T told me I’m not faking my reactions, I still doubt that. She told me I just didn't see ready to get into that subject. I started to feel triggered recently, and I feel ready and comfortable to talk to my therapist about what happened in that day I ended messed up in front of her. The thing is: I never talked to no one about anything like this. I feel a bit embarrassed because of what happened. One of my biggest fears is feel sick and throw up in front of her. How can something I can't talk or remember do that to my body? Wish I could control. I can't remember, I just feel spaced out. DAE also can't remember something traumatic that happened? Can I be helped? (I apologize for any mistakes, English isn't my first language)

Guess i am not as resilient as i thought or is it years of stress accumulated and my body is hitting its limit.

Good morning. I’m a 26 year old female. Army. Two combat deployments. Previous sexual trauma. If you have ever experienced night terrors that cultivated from your PTSD, how do you handle it? How do you minimize it if possible? Is there any right I can do to stop these night terrors? Is there anything I can do to make sleeping at night easier? I’ve tried some medications and nothing seems to work. I meditate, I’m a very spiritual person. I am a Christian Buddhist, God is my higher power. I’m just looking for some support and answers. Thank you all.

I’ve been struggling with depression and suicide these past 2 years. I’ve been losing sleep, gaining weight, suffering from mental breakdowns, and have no self worth of any kind. Every single day I suffer from suicidal thoughts, irrational guilt, mood swings, anxiety, low self esteem. It has gotten so bad that I literally picture myself being tormented and beaten by my friends and loved ones every single night. Some days I even ask myself “why am I still alive?” “How does someone like me even function?”. These questions plague my mind to no end. And every time I try and tell people about it I get extremely self conscious and more often than not I mentally beat myself up in doing so. My depression has also caused me to lose long lasting relationships with women. and they ended up cutting ties with me as a result. I can’t live like this anymore. I need to realize that not everyone can always be there for me and I have to face my problems alone. Just because I suffer from depression and guilt doesn’t mean that people should be my friend out of obligation and pity. I’m a fucking retard for believing that I’m so “important” to everyone’s when in reality I’m easily forgettable. I’m nothing more than a sorry excuse for a clown. I’m a horrible, pitiful, piece of shit, manipulative, jackass who destroys everything and everyone i come across. no wonder why a lot of people think I’m a creepy fuck because of the shit I do! I genuinely feel sorry for everyone who’s still apart of my life because they honestly deserve SO MUCH better than some disgusting creature like myself! All I do is throw pity parties, make an ass out of myself, make excuses, and never learn anything! I’m my own train wreck! a victim to my own tragedy and a laughable one at that! I’m as useful as a crumb on a dinner plate. There is literally nothing to love about me. Nothing at all.

While it may not be directly linked to aspergers, it has got to be the number one killer for me when it comes to dealing with aspergers. It is so hard to socialize and fit in when you struggle to comprehend what others are saying. I always have to get people to repeat what they are saying or just move along with the conversation and hope I didn't miss out on something. Wearing masks doesn't help.

Hello, So I’ve noticed it before but recently more so. I get quite jealous and feeling left out if friends or my gf are going on a night out with others. Even if it’s a girls night, or different friends that I wouldn’t normally be part of (obviously hits harder if it’s more like I’ve been left out of the invite!) However, when I’m going out myself I’m usually 50/50 in that I could take it or leave it. I would likely enjoy a night out but would also happily watch tv all night. I seem to feel more jealous if it’s my girlfriend going out than close friends, not that I’m bothered that she does by any means. Anyone else get a similar feeling about social situations and events you may not be invited to?

I have a sh*t day to shorten the story a bit. I'm dizzy, feel like a hand is grabbing my chest and squeezing, there is a pain like a needle stinging inside my neck towards my head (I know why but couldn't get to a doctor yet) and have a knee injury that probably will worsen today, after three days of not being able to relax my leg. I basically forgot that I had to work today and not tomorrow so I couldn't find someone to take over my shift and now I'm sitting here alone at work and to top it f I have a lot of emotional stress with my family lately. I feel like I just want to burn down the store I'm working in and tell everyone to f*ck off and be alone in my room. I feel like I will just break down any moment even tho it got a bit better due to a cute squirrel but that only was for like 10 minutes. How do you deal with these emotionally intense situations where just everything is adding to the already too much load. Edit: Also do you start craving something to eat when you feel down? Nothing special just anything that's not poisonous.

I give up on searching for happiness. I give up on seeking help. I give up on trying to make others happy. I give up on trying to make others proud. I give up on trying to set a good example. I give up on trying to build a future for myself. I give up on trying to find love. I give up on trying to get good at hobbies. I give up on myself. I've failed. I'm sorry mom, I know how much hard work you've put into me having to raid me and my sister alone. All these years I've resented you for all the trauma you've put on me, but I now realize you had it worse and it's not your fault. You were never the problem, I was, and I'm sorry for wasting so much of your life and time and effort for nothing. This world has nothing for me. My sister is 13 right now. She already lost her dad 12 years ago, I can't let her lose her only brother too. I'm going to wait for her to grow up and make sure she ends up a good successful adult who can deal with shit. Then I'm killing myself. Until then it's just drugs, fucking around, throwing my life away and killing time until that happens. Hopefully by then I'll be dead inside enough that doing it will be easy. But I'm done trying. I give up.

It recently dawned upon me that some of my mental problems can be attributed to my parents' relentless helicopter parenting. My mother is possessive and controlling and even tries to tell me who I can and can't date (not that I ever have the options anymore). My brother tried to step in at one point when I was a teenager and tell my parents to "back off and let him grow up and make his own decisions". It didn't work. My parents are stubborn bull headed people who lack people skills (much like myself). They are reclusive and don't have friends and have always been way too overprotective of me. I thought maybe they were this way out of love but I think it's because they are just insecure people. It's because of this that I have no desire to have children. I do not want to bring up children and put them through the same controlling parenting tactics that I had to endure as a child (and still to this day as a 28 year old man).

So I’ve been on Ritalin IR for about a week now, but when it wears off every 2-3 hours it makes me super annoyed and aggressive, as in it affects my road rage as well. I’m debating on letting my doctor know, and she says she won’t be able to switch anytime soon because of a 30 day period. I have way more focus and control over my hyper ness and impulsivity. But when it’s gone, even my anxiety meds don’t usually work, and I haven’t started doubling it yet either. My next option is Vyvanse and I don’t know if it will give me the same affect as Ritalin, because adderall 20mg XR didn’t really do anything to me except suppress my appetite a bunch. Anyone else also feel these symptoms? It’s affecting my day to day life as well.

I know that psychiatrists don't diagnose autism based on a brain scan, but could you? For example, I keep seeing this image on Quora: [https://i.imgur.com/RHZjJfv.png](https://i.imgur.com/RHZjJfv.png) Does anyone know what this image is showing? Neurons? Synapses? I know nothing about the brain. If I were to get an MRI or SPECT scan or something like this, is there something in the scan that I could look at, to detect whether I have an autistic brain. Or isn't there someone like Amen Clinics or somewhere, that will actually diagnose a condition based on a brain scan? Or if I were to just look at a print-out of my own brain scan, is there something that I could spot, to see the autism? I say this, because there are just too many overlaps, with too many conditions, and I feel that the way psychiatrists diagnose some of these conditions is quite unscientific, especially autism.

I want to cry . I want to allow myself to feel emotions. I also want people to stop coming to me saying they only want to be fucked . LIKE WHAT . I've lost people I have truly loved . I have been used for so long as well . Please make it stop . I WANT SOMEONE TO CARE . ALL I AM IS A OBJECT

I’m 23, female, living in downtown Milwaukee. I just don’t know what normal people do I guess & I don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore. I have ADHD, PTSD, anxiety&depression. Please send some advice. Th

Today I dropped off my suits at the dry cleaners. I’m doing the laundry I’ve delayed doing for weeks. I’m cleaning my apartment. I’m still in the midst of the worst depression of my life. Finding the motivation to make a sandwich in my own kitchen the last month had been excruciatingly difficult, let alone going to the grocery store to get things to make said sandwich. I don’t know how long this will last, but at least I’ve won today. I hope everyone else finds a victory soon, too.

How do I get over..,idk if it’s molestation or sexual abuse or if they’re the same thing? One of my uncles used to make me do things/touch me as a child and it’s always freaked me out (sex) ever since then but it hasn’t been a problem until now because I’ve not actually wanted to sleep with anyone until now. I want to sleep with my bf but just the things that lead up to it...my head just starts thinking of/remembering how I felt before and I freak out. He’s being very kind/patient about it and I’ve told him what happened but idk how to get over this. It’s weird..I want to do stuff with him but there are certain things that just flood me with memories and I can’t. I hate it though. I want to be able to do this and be with him. I don’t want to think of bad times while I’m enjoying my time with him...Idk how to separate the things in my mind and idk how you go about getting over this. Advice? Help? Please

This morning I saw a video that was MILDLY disturbing. I found myself anxious and irritable since then. And also, I feel a bit unmoored- like I can’t focus properly or I am missing something really important. What is this exactly that happens to me? How do you settle your brain back down when this happens?

When I hear someone cough, I get so nervous and scared and even sweat. Same thing happens with my brother who is also diagnosed with OCD. Is that OCD or anxiety?

Hi I've \[18F\] been having intrusive thoughts about kids. This wasn't really a problem until last month. Before since like middle school and high school I've had sexual fantasies surrounding taboos like rape and incest but I would never actually do incest or enjoy being raped. I would get off by reading erotica however since last year I've been reading taboo incest to get off. I have never and do not plan to read pedophilia erotica (like written with kids younger than 16 - like ew no). I've read tons of news of kids getting kidnapped, raped, or killed or news about people beating up child abusers. Now I randomly get thoughts of kids. Like when I watch a show with a kid actor or when I'm doing something that doesn't involve kids like hugging my stuffed animals. Does that mean I find pleasure in hugging kids? That's so gross and disgusting. And when I get thoughts about kids when I'm doing something that doesn't involve them it turns into a sexual thought. Like I could be going to the kitchen to grab some food and then I get a random thought of kids. I'm picturing them in my head and checking if I'm aroused (like looking at my boobs if they're erect or seeing if I'm wet). This is so disturbing but when I'm checking if I'm aroused by kids I picture myself as a kid having sex with an adult or as the adult having sex with the kid. I FEEL SO DISGUSTING. I rarely do that and when I do I hate doing it (because it's intrusive). It usually happens after I've read a rape news story. But whenever I'm really scared that I'm a pedophile I do imagine that to mentally check. I wouldn't call that specifically a fantasy though because I don't enjoy imagining pedophilia. So far I haven't shown signs of arousal but the fact that I'm IMAGINING MYSELF IN THOSE ROLES is such a dangerous sign. I think I am a pedophile. I feel like a disgusting person. I've never molested or touched kids ever in my entire life and I never plan to. I'd rather kill myself. I have three little cousins and I love them and I see them as cute and innocent and my feelings aren't sexual in nature, but what if those are not inherently normal thoughts but rather signs that I'm a pedophile? What if I'm actually just lying to myself about having these intrusive thoughts when really deep inside I am attracted to kids? I have taken care of them before and I've showered one of my cousins but I never touched them indecently and I've done so much like not fully cleaning the down area after they go to the bathroom or shower just because that's so disgusting even touching them there. I need help desperately guys. I see a therapist for my depression and anxiety and I'm considering talking to her but she has a 4 year old daughter and I feel like she's going to transfer me if I end up telling her. HELP PLEASE. My next session with her is soon in like two hours.

Heading out to the bridge. I don't have anyone else to send this to. The only thing that really matters in this world is how others view and treat you. How others view and treat you is tied to how you were born; your genetics, race, status, etc, determine if life is worth living. I was born a weak willed, ugly, unintelligent, black, and most of all sad person. There's nothing I can do to change any of that, and the world has shown me that I am not valued, nor am I wanted. I was sexually assaulted and riduclded as a young child. The effects of this still make it difficult to be intimate with anyone. My father was deported, I remember the cops dragging him out the car as he drove my brother and cousins to school, I remember my tears. I remember wailing at the door asking him to come back to me. I remember learning that it was legal and just what happened to him, he was an illegal immigrant. What happened to my family was just. I was wrong to cry over his arrest. I was continually bullied throughout elementary and middle school. I was a weird sensitive kid, and I was a blemish. The kids we're right to take notice and hit and taunt me. I was beaten verbally and physically by my step-dad until I was in high school. I deserved what happened because I never spoke up for myself, I wasn't a victim, I was just weak. I still remember him kicking my brother to the wall, and beating him until he stopped crying. I remember him hitting me with the metal part of the belt and giving me lacerations. I remember the constant fear of being hit, I remember lying to "friends" and school officials about bruises and lacerations. I remember all of his demeaning words, it hurts that they ring true. It hurts that he was right; I did end up a failure. I am constantly reminded whether online or in person that I am disliked and judged for factors outside of my control. I remember teachers, strangers, students, children adults, words and actions towards me. I remember my best friend calling me a nigger, I remember my online friends laughing that black people were statically dumber and more violent. I remember Hispanic kids and teens telling me that I wasn't one of them because I was half black. I remember reading online about how most countries despise us. There is no escape from my skin. There is no escape from my despair; the world is right to hate me. I have no friends, and I don't have many educational prospects as I am unintelligent. Compared to most people I am utterly worthless, so I think the world's was right to drill this into me since I was a child. I am deserving of everything that happened to me over these 18 years. As I out on my coat to go leap off a bridge, I think what hurts the most is that I do love this world. I remember so many things and people that made me smile. I love people so much, and I love having positive interactions. I love many people in my family, but I am OK with leaving them. I guess I'm just tired, but it doesn't matter anymore because I am going to go to sleep forever. Goodbye.

I hate this time of year period.... I always get very very depressed this time of year the pressure to be happy is overwhelming and all the people having the time of there life blah blah blah blah Sorry about my rant but this is just how i feel every fucking year in desember. Happy holidays if you can find inerpeace and some joy with your family and friends ❤

My OCD has kept me from getting my learner’s permit or drivers license but today I took a huge step forward and passed the test for my learner’s permit! I never thought I could do it, I’ve literally lived my whole adult life doing whatever I could to avoid driving. I was so afraid of everything dangerous about cars. Well, I still am, but I practiced driving today and it went well. My therapist said he sees a lot of people with OCD that are petrified of driving so I wanted to share this to give anyone else dealing with the same issue motivation and encouragement. If you want to drive you can do it!

Hi, since those are my interests it would be very nice if I found a person with the same interests that has OCD Message me pls

My whole life I’ve daydreamed about having some sort of routine. Daily, morning, or just a loose general one. For example, I want to run in the morning on certain days and read every night, but even these two simple things never stick. I blame my executive dysfunction. I’d love to have my shit together and have every day planned out. But I could never hold a habit, much less a routine, for more than, say, a month. They were right when they said adhd is chaos and unpredictable. Does anyone have any advice for this? Has anyone been successful in keeping a routine with adhd?

So I've recently started a new career and it has me dealing with a lot of new people.. i was lucky enough that my last job/career knew i was nuerodivergent and accepting of it, so I always felt comfortable and went years without having to mask, except in certain social situations.. I'm a few weeks into my new job, and today the burnout really hit.. i spent all day exhausted, just wanting to go to sleep, grumpy, being short with people, kinda rude with a definite tone of attitude in my voice and disgruntled look on my face, i just wanted to be left alone, people were making me so angry for the littlest things. I'm home now with my comfort show on, comfy clothes, relaxing in bed, trying to decompress from it all.. The advice I'm looking for, is how to deal with it in the moment? I don't like being mean to people or off putting, or just looking plan ol' grumpy. But in the moment i feel so overwhelmed that i get reactive and just want to tell people to fuck off. If it helps you relate, other than Asperger's i have social anxiety, adhd, and depressions. Anything helps!! Thanks in advance 🙏🏻

I'm really struggling and I just want to forget. I just kinda want amnesia.

I just started a remote job in Financial Aid under the field of higher education administration. It’s a specialized position with a steep learning curve that requires months of training before even starting the role’s responsibilities. I started on 9/20, and the information has been given very gradually over the last month. We started learning the very basics of financial aid information. Today, we’re getting into internal processes. My manager started off asking us, “In your own words, what is financial aid?” and, no joke, I couldn’t even begin to answer this very basic question. I stuttered and rambled about nothing, and felt incredibly incompetent and embarrassed. My manager was understanding, and said, “It’s okay! Don’t worry — this is a lot of information,” but I’m worried she’s secretly questioning my ability to do this job at all. I feel like my brain is only capable of holding a limited collection of information, and that, when that amount is exceeded, my entire brain just shuts down completely. I take tons of notes and ask questions, but even those techniques don’t keep the info from falling out of my head. Have you had any similar experiences with job training? What were your biggest challenges? What steps did you take to overcome them?

hi all. i've been dealing with ptsd for about two years, and over the last two years, i've noticed my physical disability (ehlers danlos syndrome) get exponentially worse. i was just wondering if there are any known relations between physical and mental disorders making each other worse- even if they're completely unrelated. for reference, i'm unmedicated and receiving no treatment for either issue, and i never have. thoughts?

Not sure if this goes here? But does anyone do this thing where they HAVE to twitch their neck a certain way? I've developed a tic where I have to move my head in just a certain way, and it's gotten pretty bad very fast. I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. This needs to stoooop. Anyone have any tips?

Does anyone have any good resources for this? I just started my deep dive on google and so far I'm not finding much. My last relationship was abusive and I'd often have sex when I didn't want to so I could appease my then husband. I remember a time as a preteen where I didn't really know what was going on and a guy pulled his parts out to show me and a time that later in my teenage years I had sex with someone after I said I didn't want to. Even in my current relationship, the repeated conversations that are sometimes arguments feel traumatic. I've never considered any of this trauma, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I carry the scars with me. Besides just talking about it, what am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here now that I realize that I do indeed carry trauma with me around sex? I do have another appointment with a different counselor scheduled (albeit weeks away). It is a male counselor but his psychology today profile says he deals with sexual abuse and trauma, among other reasons I'm going.

I don't want to miss out or upset family but I have IBS and contamination OCD and I'm not sure how it will all play out. Does anyone here have any advice?

I recently saw a question posed on social media asking people if they could do it all over again would they have the same mother. That really messed me up.. I don't know if I would want the same mother again, but more worriessome is I don't think any of my 6 children would want to have me as a mother again.. I honestly feel like they could have done better. I could ask them but I'm afraid then if I did they would just lie to me to not hurt my feelings. Lately I've just been wondering why I'm still here.

Earlier today, I triggered myself while watching a movie that involved how others deal with the aftermath of a bad car accident. I'm still in my danger time of five weeks before and after the anniversary, and the best way to get back to normal-ish is to share it with others. So it you don't mind sticking around for it, I'll be about it then. But I'll only tell the front half. Things aren't bad enough for me to force myself to face the whole truth, so there is one very big lie here. I know what the lie is, but it still works as a stopgap measure to reduce the pain I deal with. I will bold it so that I'm at least honest here about where the lie is, because the truth is even harder to deal with unless I absolutely have to. So I apologize in advance for that, and I will stop my recall of the event itself there to instead talk about the aftermath. I was happy once. Deliriously happy. I was dating an amazing woman who matched me enough that we were finishing each other's sentences within three weeks of meeting, but different enough that we approached things in ways that the other found weird but amazingly effective. Even better, she was the first person I had dated in 8 years that my cat did not hate at first sight. And when I learned that she was pregnant, I proposed without hesitation or regret. Even though I wasn't quite ready yet, it wasn't anything that I hadn't already thought about. And when we learned that we were having a girl, Kari immediately agreed to follow my family's tradition of sharing the names of well-loved dead relatives and call her Jana after my favorite aunt. For the first time ever, I was looking forward to my future. I was planning with anticipation rather than reacting. I had something to look forward to, and two people that I was going to love for the rest of my life. Hadn't met the second one yet, though. But with them by my side, I could handle anything. A few days before Halloween, I was getting ready to finish closing up the store when my cell rang with her ringtone. It wasn't my fiancee. It was the state troopers, calling via the ICE number to tell me that there was an accident. A bad accident, run into a freeway bridge support by a suspected drunk driver. I wasn't tracking anything anymore as of that moment. My employee took control, just left everything as it was in mid-closing, left a note for the morning supervisor explaining what was going on, and drove me straight to the hospital that the airlift took them to, the only trauma center major enough to even have a chance. Once I got to the hospital, I learned how bad things were. So many known injuries, plenty of signs of unknown injuries, and the only reason they were still alive was that old Volvo of hers. High chance we would lose the baby regardless of how hard they tried. Slightly less high chance that I would lose them both, but still well over the 50/50 mark. The staff were treating me with kid gloves, making sure that they were ready to catch me when I fell apart to the point even calling in the chaplain ahead of time. I was only capable of doing one constructive thing, and that was calling her parents to let them know. Somehow, against all odds, they pulled through. 12 hour surgery to keep them alive. Spleen and half a liver removed, heavy kidney damage, and enough ongoing internal bleeding to require another surgery to finish patching them up, but they were alive. They were in the ICU for three days and then downgraded to serious for a couple of days, and then held for additional observation for an another three days. They did everything right, and made as certain as possible that they both were in as good of health as to be expected when they rolled out the door. That night was the first time I slept well in over a week, because my ladies were back and we were going to be just fine. That was also the last night I would sleep well for months. I woke up early that morning. I almost never wake up early, but I knew something was wrong. It took me far too long to realize what it was: my fingers were sticking together for some reason. I turned on the light to get a better idea to what was going on. And I still wish I hadn't, for that is what I see when I close my eyes. I was in a pool of blood, my front covered in it. The woman who had just come back to me against all odds was bleeding out, and I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I'm sure that the ambulance got there faster than it seemed. I was too busy holding in the screams, trying to wake Kari up, making sure that anything she heard was me telling her that I loved her, and listening for the sirens. I could do nothing else. Nothing. There was a weakened blood vessel in her placenta. It had ruptured overnight. Kari had nightmares about the accident when she was in the hospital, so the theory is that a nightmare caused her pressure to spike and thereby caused the hemorrhage. Our daughter was dead on arrival. **Kari died shortly after.** I was non-functional from that moment on. Didn't so much quit my job as flat out not leave the couch. Diet was usually limited to Xanax with a vodka chaser, the breakfast of shut up and let me die slowly. Weeks went by, where the only effort I was able to put in was to clean up the blood. At least I wasn't surrounded by the blood in reality, though every time I closed my eyes I still saw it everywhere. And on my hands. Always on my hands. Whenever I am stressed, anxious, or just not having a good day, my fingers start to feel like they are sticking together just like in that day. It took my father to get me out of my downward spiral. Not in a way of encouragement, but because his health started to deteriorate. I moved back home, away from the walls that never again looked white to me. I stopped abusing Xanax, but I became codependent on my father instead. I needed to be needed, and I took care of him until he came down with a MRSA infection that turned his blood septic. After that, it was my stepmother that needed me, as she went blind as well as descended into dementia shortly after dad's death. Again, it was codependency. I needed to be needed. After she died of old age, I was loose with no anchor. I didn't have anyone there to make me feel needed, and the blood was starting to come back. That's when the self abuse began again, only this time it was physical. Until another person came into my life. When I looked at her, I suddenly didn't see the blood any more. I hoped that this would be the way to keep my brain from showing the horror over and over again. Yet it was not to be. I was not in a happy relationship, but an emotionally abusive and manipulative one. I needed to feel needed. It took me months to realize what was going on, my hands always feeling the blood, and I was only able to escape via a suicide attempt and hospitalization. Which, by the way, she called unnecessary drama when she threw me out. A short stint of homelessness, and a friend has offered me couch space over the last three months while I have gotten my brain back into some semblance of order. I'm not healthy. At all. But now I am forcing myself to look at things honestly. Forcing myself to deal with the trauma of that early November morning, and stop running away from what I need. I'm trying to be in a healthy relationship with myself for the first time in 9 years. It isn't easy. At all. I've never been one to look fondly at myself, but everything that has happened since the accident has dropped my already low self-esteem even further. But I'm trying. One step at a time, I'm trying. On days like this when the blood comes, it gets harder. But I don't want to give up anymore. I want to become better. If only because I can't get much worse and expect to survive. And my daughter wouldn't want that to happen.

I'm having the problem of needing medicated, but my weight is too low. I'm currently at 86 pounds, being 5'7". Normally i am 115 pounds. I lost 30 some pounds in about 9 months. Its part of what pushed me to see a doc and a mental health provider. My mental health doctor won't presribe me any medication at all until i get my weight up. But i can't do it. I have had the same eating habits all my life. I eat the same handful of things and can't stomach anything else. Nothing changed in my eating habits this year. Type 2 diabetes runs in my family pretty heavily. And now im experiencing this problem where my blood sugar keeps dropping down to the low 60s. I'm 38 now and went my whole life until this month not knowing why i was so "different". And i WANT to eat better. I actually eat a good bit. But its the same few things over and over. Pizza, fries, spaghetti, toaster strudels, pb and j, lunchmeat, and tacos sometimes. Horrible diet actually. No variation. I do take a multivitamin and this month i added some extra biotin to the multi bc my hairs falling out. But I've never gained weight from it. And in fact i lost 30 pounds eating these very foods all year. I had a ton of labwork done last week and everything came back normal except my blood sugar. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt myself with my eating habits and my blood sugar being what it is. But I'm unable to even make myself eat anything else. Is that familiar with ADHD? Or maybe a separate eating disorder? I'm brand new to all these problems I'm having, so i don't know much. I need more advice than what my docs giving. My next appointment with my regular doc is over a week away and I've called twice with questions and was told to go to the ER because I'm having low blood sugar symptoms. Also to be clear, i do NOT want to lose weight. I feel like i look TERRIBLE like this. So i don't mean an eating disorder like anorexia. I just feel like my unwillingness to eat anything else than the "norm" isn't normal. And i don't know what to do.

Since age 11 I've always knew something was different about me. I tried to express my concerns to my parents but they told me it's in my head and to get over it. I'm now 21 years old and I still can't talk to my parents because they don't take me seriously. Neither of them know I started medication for adhd.. my own father who I live with didn't even know I switched jobs almost 2 months ago. I feel alone. My dad forced me to grow up at the age of 14 when I was old enough to get a job I had to start providing for myself I bought my own groceries toiletries anything I needed this caused me to never be able to have savings as I was spending all my student wage money I made at a part time job to support myself. Im now struggling financially. My father is a very well off man he has good money and even though I know he could help me I can't ask and i won't ask because I'm just not like that and I also don't believe he would help me to begin with. I pay him rent every month on time and would never take money and not pay it back. I'm in a really tough spot because I've been putting my wisdom teeth surgery off for years and I really need to get it done. I'm stuck on whether or not I should finally ask my dad for some help because I can't afford this on my own. I want to tackle this on my own as I usually do but don't think this is something I can tackle. Does anyone else have trouble speaking to there parents?

so I went on r/advice subreddit and one the replies said this ​ OP- "Today has just felt different from most days and also at one point I think I purposely imagined a child naked but then after felt really guilty about it and also got scared that I was only guilty about my pocd because I might be convicted and cause of social stigma and not cause I actually am against it" You're teetering on the pedophile line, get some professional help before you hurt someone.

i swear to fucking god ill never be loved by anyone. im sick and tired of this shit. im so fucking alone.

Yesterday we were forced to go to a long trip and my mother told me I could absolutely not do any stimming behaviors while there for some unknown reason. It was absolutely painful for me and made me feel extremely bored couple that with the fact I saw my mom as selfish. Although some distractions did help me. But it was still painful for me.

I'm going to the Doctor's on Friday. I'm going to mention my PTSD/CPTSD symptoms. I wrote a note already for myself on what to say/ just give if I'm too scared and I wrote a few memories I had (not the worst ones but the subtle ones...) and it caused me intense panic and anxiety while I was writing it and I couldn't calm down and was frozen essentially. My only question is is a few memories and a description of how this is effecting me enough? I can't talk about it easy because I need to avoid and distance myself from it but they have to know more to give a diagnosis... right? I'm just so scared and don't wanna freeze on her or panic. I want my diagnosis, whatever it is. But how much do you typically have to share? I already couldn't handle giving the vague details I did on what happened.

Hi. This sort of occurred to me whenever I look at photos of people online. My head tends to tense up and hurt a little when I try to focus on facial communication and expression in general, whether it be eye contact, mouth movement, or even eyebrow motions. This might be connected to some other inherently rooted mental health concern, but trying to keep up and follow along with facial communication is just really tiring. Another factor is the fact that I have to mask facial mannerisms in order to follow what may be considered more polite for communication that is more... ...neurotypical, for lack of a better term... Like, I prefer to have my personal emotions to be experienced in a stable manner and entirely internally, wishing I could simply take everything in that gets communicated externally to me with a blank expression and neutral mannerism. Ok, yes, I will laugh out loud at things, but it feels better than forcing polite laughter (which... ...Is very likely the case for NT individuals too) when it naturally provokes the emotional response. To give some fictional examples, I wish I had a Mandalorian code to follow in which I was supposed to keep a helmet on wherever I go. Like, in the MCU movies, I always feel inherent discomfort when the heroes take off their helmets and masks for the “human connection” element. Because with Din Djarin in The Mandalorian television series, I could tell the depth of emotions he was experiencing by the tone of his voice and just his bodily movements- like something I *deeply* appreciate about Star Wars is how characters in helmets are still very capable of expressing emotion without artificially shoving facial expressionism... Sorry for ranting; thank you for sticking with me.

I had some sexual trauma growing up and it’s messing up my life now. I can’t be sexual at all now because every time I get asked, I shut it down because I get this fear. I don’t even know why I’m scared but it hits me like panic and anxiety. And when I’ve done stuff in the past, I’ve basically had to force myself. Im in a relationship so every time I say no is a hard rejection to my partner. How do I get help for this? I’m going to be starting therapy for PTSD, is this something I could bring up with them?

This is sort of a follow up to previous inquiries I have had about those with autism. Given that as a group, those with autism are much more likely to be unemployed or underemployed vs those who aren't, I would imagine finding partnerships when not having employment thay fully reflects your background and qualifications is a fundamental challenge. Again, this is with the understanding that exceptions exist of those with autism who have found lucrative employment that does reflect their qualifications. It is an issue of populations relative to those without autism. For those who are unemployed or at least underemployed, what allowed partnerships to work? Did you have a partner who was gainfully employed? Was there other aspects to your character, personality and ability that made it work in spite of these challenges? WOuld love to hear of such stories.

Does anyone struggle with the idea that neurotypicals often socialize with simplicity and patience? It nearly drives me insane to hear a person hold a conversation with somebody for several minutes to an hour seemingly without difficulty or digression. It feels like everyone else but me has this instruction manual inside their mind which makes them socially acceptable whereas I'm incompetent and useless.

English is not my first language I dont know if i can contnue living lo me this. Mu family loves me, but doesent understand me. I have been in my House for a few months Now and i get very anxious at the thought of going outside. Also during this time m not replying to the messages of my few Friends. I LOVE them but i feel like a burden for them and for all. In this months of isolation i stopped studying. I was finally after years of trying, i got into a course that i liked, but i have Lost all motivation. I have also gained a lot of Weight, thing that made me hate my body even more. I was going to a Psycologyst, looked good, but like the rest, i abandoned it and Now, is chirtsmas, and i Will be obligated to no yo family reunions and interact with people that causes me a lot of pain. I tried to Talk about this with my family, they know about my depression, but i dont Belice that they know It ALL. I just want to know, when being really sad because of a painful memory, is a apropiate responde "Get over It"? I dont think so. Or when you are axious and sad, Get Angry at the sad person? I feel like a burden and a lot of times i find myself wishing i didnt exist, but the only things that stop me are the pain that would cause my family and the dejar of wathever is on the other side. But i dont know how much more can those things hola me, i have a lot of intrusiva thoughts, thinking "this would be a good oportunity" continously. Have you Heard of the call of the void? I feel It and Now is screaming I dont know why im wrting this, a wall of text that doesent Matter to anyone and Will end without an answer, like the other times i tried here. Im 21 years old and already feel like i thrown away my Life. One of my Friends has a girlfriend and a House and planos other goes to university and is really Smart and other is a exremelly good artist. What do i have? I only play videogames and watch you tube all day to reduce te probabilty of having a thought, without any useful habilites and that nevera has fallen in love ir been with a girl and have abandoned his studies 2times already. What do i do? Its worth It continúe living? Why? I dont know why im doing this, It wont Get better this was all improvised and i wrote as things came into my mind. Now its 5 am and should go to sleep.

I have to think of certain words or use certain fingers whenever I touch ANYTHING and if I don't listen to what the OCD voice is saying to me properly I have to redo whatever I just did. There are no OCD specialists around me and I'm only 15 so I have to make do with whatever advice I can find, thanks

It’s been over ten years, two horrifying relationships. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, that there was something wrong with me. After the first one, my friends saw it. I couldn’t make decisions. My panic attacks. I didn’t have the right therapist (they didn’t want me to talk about what happened) but I didn’t know I could just go to another one. Everything in my life fell apart and I did too. After pulling myself together, going back to school, I fell into another abusive relationship. His abuse quickly crippled so much strength I had built up. He just wanted to control me, destroy everything I loved, break my soul. It became worse as time went on and was extreme. He would blame me for all of his behavior, his failures, bad decisions. As I tried to break free, he and his mother threatened retaliation. I was terrified because I knew they could get away with it. When I finally got out of it, I was so happy to be free. I was ready to start my life. And then I was in an emotionally abusive environment with a family member. A lot of yelling, tearing me down. I thought of going back to school, as I wanted to be a doctor. ‘No, no, you can never be a doctor! You can only be a nurse!’ Everything I wanted to do was a fantasy. I left and stayed with strangers for a while. My condition worsened. My symptoms were so severe. Panic attacks that lasted all day. I started having all of these physical symptoms, hair coming out it chunks, headaches, feeling like I was going to fall over, eye pains, fevers, vomiting, feeling sick all the time, odd pains throughout my body. I looked sick. I would make up things to people so they wouldn’t ask or worry—just to keep the peace. Nothing made sense. I later realized it was the stress and anxiety that had taken a physical toll on my body. I couldn’t sleep without nightmares. I was so scared of the retaliation. I couldn’t trust anyone. Everything terrified me. It was hard because I am normally so trusting of people. The moment I saw some sign they might hurt me, I would just act super weird to sabotage the situation to protect myself. I didn’t have all of my proper documents and I found myself in a position where I couldn’t freely work. I shifted from home to home I ended up in a cycle of abusive situations. Some, even dangerous. There were some kind people along the way, but for the most part, I have spent everyday of my life for the past three and half years absolutely terrified. I didn’t know about PTSD at all until maybe two years ago, and it all finally made sense. I couldn’t believe it. I knew I needed therapy or at least needed to talk about what my ex did. Reading about it made me feel a lot less alone. I used to drink so rarely, like once a month. With the last traumatic relationship, I started to drink like him. Afterwards, I drank very often, almost everyday. I didn’t realize that I was trying to bury the pain of what I went through. Before all of this, I had so many hobbies, so many interests. I was so driven. I had so many friends.. Maybe my family wasn’t that great, but it didn’t matter that much. I always looked forward to life. I really hope, that one day, I get my life back.

Lost my credit card few a few days and assumed it would show up. Nope. So I canceled it. Couldn't log into my bank app for a few weeks because well couldn't get my account number. Finally got on like 5min ago. Someone found my card and stole all my money I had saved up. 5000 gone. GONE. FUCKING GONE. Idk If my bank will cover the loss either. So im fucked rn. I was gonna buy a car with that. But nope. Fuck me right. Because I can't have shit in life. Gotta loose 5k in 2 days cus some asshole. Life fucking sucks. Thought being in the army would be good cus id make money and find myself. Nope just drinking myself to death and now I have like $5 to my name. Why can't shit go right.

When I was a boy, I had a busy leg, always shaking going up and down, I didn't know why but it made me feel good, I found it calming and relaxing. It seemed bizarre, inexplicable to me that no one else did that. My parents reminded me constantly to knock it off. Eventually, I did--in college, I think. I discovered that rocking chairs are socially acceptable, as are swing sets, and gliders. I fell in love with my Grandmother's rocking recliner and old-fashioned, cherry wood rocking chair and was heartbroken when neither of these items went to me. I bet they wound up sold to a dealer. Today, I was looking for something to splurge on with my 1 week only, $1.99 Amazon Prime Membership, since I get 5% off via the Amazon card, and I came upon this... [https://www.amazon.com/s?k=acme+rocking+chair&rh=n%3A3733491&ref=nb\_sb\_noss](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=acme+rocking+chair&rh=n%3A3733491&ref=nb_sb_noss) I got to say, these ACME rocking chairs really hit the spot, looks-wise. I want "all of the above". Yet, I'm sad, because my house is not big enough to accommodate all these rocking chairs, and sadly, I already have stuff in my house. I will have to sacrifice and make do with only one rocking chair for the time being. Which do ya think I should get? I am open to suggestions. Just remember, it has to look good and match my decor, which is antique / dark-stained furniture and floors. I don't know whether I want upholstered or not.

I got really drunk at a party, went home and I don’t remember much but obviously my mum now knows I drink, she also knows I smokes and vapes, thank god she doesn’t know I do some drugs on the side but I’m done for, no hiding the impulsive side anymore, I can’t even explain properly why I do it, I want to but I never could

I don't know what took me so long, but I've gone back to a circular 24-hour daily planner instead of a linear one. There's something about "seeing" time as part of an entire day, including sleep, free time, etc. that helps me keep to a schedule better. Plus, it lets me see where I'm putting my time, or where I should be putting my time. Instead of hoping I'll have time for creative writing and painting at the end of the day, when it never gets done, I've moved it to the beginning of the day, after breakfast. I blocked off meals (I often forget to eat lunch), exercise time, dog outs, and pre-bed bath time. I'm a freelancer, but I've been undisciplined about work lately. I'm hoping this will keep me on track better. I'm using this Monday through Friday, with the Saturday reserved for groceries/errands, house cleaning, and most laundry. Sunday is a day off to do whatever I feel like. I found the kind of planner I wanted online, downloaded it, printed it, and color coded all the time blocks I wanted to delineate. I also set up corresponding alarms on my phone for different time segments. I realize there are apps to do this, but I find doing any kind of schedule or to-do list in cyber space means it falls into a black hole. Anyone else using a circular agenda? How's it working for you?

Hey, you there. I want you to ask yourself if this applies to you: Do you feel like you’re walking a dead end road and it’s just a matter of time until it all falls apart? If so, then listen up, because I’ve felt and sometimes still feel the same way, but I know I’m wrong. I know it can feel like a never ending cycle of failure. You don’t feel like you’re in control. You feel like the only two stages of your life are failure and waiting on the next one. I’ve been there. Hell, I’m still there, but I’m writing this because I know that I’m wrong even if I can’t help thinking it. You can’t let it win. The second you start thinking that you won’t ever make it is the second that you ensure that it happens. You can make it. I don’t say that because it’s nice to hear, I say that because it’s the goddamn truth. You have a chance of making it. You always have a chance of making it. At the end of the day, there’s always going to be ADHD in your life. It’s always going to be there. It’s always going to make things difficult. It doesn’t go away. But that doesn’t mean that you have any excuse to give up. I don’t need to share my story. All you need to know is that I’m at the lowest point of my life, but I’ll be damned if I ever give up. Because what else is there to do besides get back up? You live in a constant battle with your own mind, and not many people truly understand what it’s like to be there. So when you get knocked flat on your ass, you get back up, because you’re no stranger to losing. I’ve just been hit with the single hardest blow I’ve ever been dealt in life, and I’m gonna smile as I get back up. ADHD is my mortal nemesis, and it may have won this battle, but I can’t wait to watch it seethe with rage as I get back on my feet. Although I’ll never beat it, it won’t ever beat me. So if you feel like I do, smile with me. Let’s dust each other off and punch that son of a bitch in the mouth. Because it’s better than giving up.

I'm diagnosed with PTSD and autism among other things, and I'm having a hard time in therapy because every time I try to talk about what happened, my words disappear and I freeze and literally can't talk. Does anyone else experience this? Is there a way around it? It's getting very frustrating.

It changes between loved ones but as I live with mum it focuses on her alot after sentences she says it's like I purposely find a nasty reply in my head and feel a spike if anxiety in my brain always after I think it a split second after I say no I love her or counteract the insult which doesn't help much. I dnno why i do it she's a beautiful person and nmdoesnt deserve it.

Hi! I have literally been living in a bed since about 2005. Physically, I'm fine, my organs are working fine, but my brain is not. I am currently hospitalized after a failed suicide attempt and this is week 12. That's a long time. I need to find an activity - at least one - that I can enjoy, but nothing makes me happy. I used to enjoy writing, but I can't concentrate anymore. The same goes for reading. I can't even take photographs anymore because of my poor social skills. I used to be able to do it by taking (and abusing) benzodiazepines... but I'm in withdrawal. I hate going out, walking around... Everything. Even sports. I've been doing group activities every morning for 12 weeks. Results: still sad and asocial. What can I do? What do you do to yeep yourself busy? Courage to you all!

Im known to be that person who helps everyone else. People always ask me “how do I do it”, “how are you okay with everything”, how are you not afraid” about things that are happening in my life. If I tell them i’m feeling a little depressed (which is an understatement to say the least) they’ll tell me its a phase it’ll blow over. So I just tell them i’m not worried and i’m okay. Its gonna be ok. I’ll figure it out. But i’m not ok. I don’t know how i’ll figure things out. I don’t know how i’ll make it through this tough time. Im open about how I really don’t like the winter time (a lot of trauma growing up during these time) and its just really tough for me especially when everyone wants me to be happy and excited to celebrate my birthday (its on xmas eve). Im really tired of feeling dismissed for how I feel when I try to open up. But then I feel so alone and trapped. Its like this weird achey pain that I feel it travels through my hands and my finger tips, down to my stomach. It physically hurts. And I cry alone a lot. I think I am tired of feeling pushed to feel grateful and happy when I try to and I am.. I just also feel so down. People always wonder why we don’t talk about it but its because no one really believes us and we don’t want to be a burden. I guess this is more of me venting than asking a question. Thanks for hearing me out.

*UPDATE* so many responses! turns out almost all of you drive! I was feeling guilty/left out but now I feel reassured that it may not be my ADHD stopping me after all and more of an anxiety/aversion that I can overcome. I live in a major city in Australia and work from home but I know I need to have it out of necessity/emergencies and before having kids. Thank you all! 30F. Newly diagnosed but its been a long (lifetime) coming. My question is… do you guys drive?! I seem to see a lot of posts like “lost my car keys…” when meanwhile I’m 30 and can’t drive I’ve taken lessons throughout my 20s and would just freak out and give up I am in the process now of finally getting my license but truthfully I could go the rest of my life not having it So I’m wondering - do you have Driving anxiety? What helps - if you don’t drive - will you ever? Thanks!

Don’t you just hate it when people say ‘just be yourself’ not realising that’s the entire issue?! Hence why we mask. We can’t be ourselves unless we want to face isolation, unemployment and be completely and utterly vulnerable. NTs really do not grasp what it’s like to be us no matter how much you drill it in to them do they?

Hey friends. So, I had a revelation the other day about my depression and I wanted to share it in case it helps someone understand themselves more. For me, I spent most of my life feeling things so deeply. I was deeply embarrassed (social anxiety). Deeply insecure (binge eating). Deeply irritable and angry (communication issues with everyone around me). I think that feeling so deeply became unbearable for my heart and my soul to cope with. I’m not religious, I just use this to describe whatever consciousness is, because I don’t think it’s just our minds. Anyways, I feel like after so many years of my heart breaking by others and myself, I shut off and began to intellectualize…my existence. And I began going through the motions as I remember them, but not actually experiencing anything. I’d smile, laugh, socialize, interact…but it felt hallow. Binging, reckless sex and being impulsive gave me a small spark of awareness. Crying is hard for me. I can explain to someone what I feel, but feel it? Nope. I still get anxiety but it’s a result of me thinking and thinking, but still not feeling any positive emotion. I guess if I do feel, it’s fear; fight or flight. I feel nervous sometimes, but not excited. But the joy aspect is gone and it has been for some time. This realization gave me hope that maybe I can beat this. Somehow I need to seek things that put me back in touch with my feelings. Sometimes I fantasize about writing and I get an ache in my chest and almost cry. For me, creative is my passion and when I’m depressed, I ignore that side of myself. There’s nothing wrong with being logical and analytical, but it was never my default when I felt happy. I need to find a way to feel again, in healthy ways. I hope someone relates and we can all make a plan to find our happiness again.

Note: I couldn't choose between success and empathy. Aldo sorry if this ends up being long, y'all know how streams of consciousness can be. So first off; not officially diagnosed yet. Have most of the symptoms, have a specialist appointment, and when at rock bottom a month ago I begged my family doctor to try Vyvanse because nothing else has worked. Effexor was the closest thing to working, and it has a secondary usage to treat mild ADHD symptoms. I feel wonderful, and very human again and I almost cry every day because I'm feeling tremendously better. Actual post: I'm 29, married (partly for love, partly to sponsor my American husband to get his Canadian PR), now have a below market rent (for Vancouver, which is still pricy) apartment in a great part of the city with, no joke, one of the best views of downtown. I moved there from a rental that was nice enough when I got off the streets, but has been mouse infested for years. I have a job I just started a month ago that pays very handsomely, in customer service. I haven't graduated high school, or college, or made more than a dollar over minimum wage before. Every other person in my training group has had years of customer service experience, and I have horrendous phone anxiety, which is getting better by proxy of my job being talking to customers on the phone all day. It's also my first time working in an office environment, so that's fun. I'm definitely feeling some level of suspicion. I had that terrible thing happen a lot where I would get bored or anxious and I'd fall apart so my life would follow. Stop going to work, stop taking care of myself, fall back on my disability income and become an actual hermit, ghost everyone I know. That sort of thing I imagine is relatable to some folks here. So while I'm super proud of myself for doing all of this Cool Stuff recently, there's always going to be that nagging little voice in the back of my head that worries that it'll fall apart. And until my husband's work permit comes through, I am the sole breadwinner. If i fall apart, everything does. His family has been super great at helping us when times are rough, or things are expensive like the move we just had. (like, literally we've been living here for a week) Basically I needed to vent and not feel so alone. The imposter syndrome is creeping a bit. I know I'm intelligent, but I also throw myself in too hard and burn out easily and struggle with the more boring/frustrating day-to-day aspects of work. Thanks for listening/reading my ridiculous stream of consciousness. Much love to you folks, and know that despite being an abject failure/hermit/homeless/garbage gremlin (I've been all of these things) it can get better and it can take a while to figure out out but I believe I you.

My husband shaved his beard in a different way to normal. That was yesterday. I still cant look at his face. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and makes me want to cry. I told him I am sorry. I told him I have difficulties looking at him because of this sudden change. And I realize this is ridiculous but still I feel so bad inside. I feel bad for him (he wants to feel handsome and now his wife cant even look at him) and I feel bad for myself (I dont want his face to look different and this is stupid). Tell me your stories with difficulties relating to changes. Maybe this would cheer me up.

Hello,I have some problems.when i like sb I do what ever i can and do my best for them but none of them love me and thats the reason i hate my self help me pls i cant get rid of my toughts and it hurts i think nobody loves me

it's 2:23am on a Friday/Saturday night/morning on the west coast of the US. i'm having an existential crisis that never ends. it envelopes every aspect of my life. i would love to have relief from the thoughts. i keep trying to convince myself that life is worth living. but it just sounds like i'm lying to myself. none of my experiences are remotely enjoyable. i feel way too old for this life. 47 friggin' years. i'm tired.

Hey everyone my (20M) long distance girlfriend (19F) of 1 year has been depressed for like 3 months on and off. She seemed fine for awhile but then went back to acting the same way. When I try to ask how she feels she says she's fine and when I ask her whats going on she says she's busy with some stuff but never more specific than that. I know she planned to start college in the fall and get a new job but didn't ig that's stressing her out but she hasn't told me about it Im lost. Any advice?

I have been talking to my psychiatrist about ADHD. He's ignored me forever. Last week I put him on the spot and told him I want to get tested or evaluated. He said since I didn't have symptoms as a kid, I didn't have it. He then proceeded to tell me he only recommends holistic treatment for ADHD. Omega 3 for example Any recommendations on what I should do next? Any recommendations on psychiatrist in the Bay Area, specifically East Bay.

Basically, when I don’t play video games, which is my only hobby, I get extremely bored, so since ADHD is basically having a under-stimulated brain. Personally, can video games help stimulate my brain or somehow help with my ADHD?? This is a very important question for me, as I am very curious to see your answers…

My name is Dr. Sam Greenblatt. I treat many patients who report they’ve been to an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) specialist who used exposure and response prevention (ERP), diligently completed all therapy homework assigned by their clinician, and received no results, dissatisfying results or rebounded to their previous level of OCD within a short period of time following termination. Rest assured, this is a pattern outside of my personal experience. While the non-response rate to ERP is great compared to other treatments, it remains that 14-31% of clients do not respond to treatment. Even more alarming than this statistic is that 50-60 percent of clients report undergoing at least a partial relapse after treatment! (see [Inhibitory learning approaches to exposure therapy: A critical review and translation to obsessive-compulsive disorder - ScienceDirect](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735816300599) for more). Over my years of treating hundreds of patients, reviewing well established research of the past 15 years, and receiving guidance from some of the most brilliant OCD specialists of our time, I am confident as to why this occurs and what can be done to remediate this pattern. **OCD treatment is so effective because we’ve created a brilliant form of therapy for it. OCD treatment is falling short because we are implementing the treatment in not just an unoptimized, but a problematic way.** #### Emotional processing theory: Well intentioned and outdated This happens a lot in the field of healthcare. Famously, many medications were developed not because scientists knew exactly how or why they worked, but rather discovered that they *do* work, and afterwards developed theories as to why. Sometimes the initial theories are correct and sometimes they are not. The research for years now has frequently shown that the model that was developed to explain why ERP is effective has many holes in it. If you’ve gone through unsuccessful ERP based treatment, you were probably taught how it works along the following lines: The root of OCD is that a broken alarm plays in the brain, warning against a proposed danger, and the OCD sufferer responds to that signal with distressed reaction (compulsing). This is treated through exposures, where the client resists the urge to compulse when they are triggered. As a result of doing so, the client unpairs the brain’s connection between the OCD theme and distress and the distress goes away. The problem is, this rationale has long been disproven. A [number of studies](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735816300599) show that: * Habituation is not related to treatment outcome * Complete habituation is not often possible * If the patient’s OCD theme switches, the client will have to start from square one as habituation to a former theme would not apply to the new one. (This point in particular may be why relapse after OCD treatment is so high). Along with these fallacies comes another issue. Placing pressure on the exposures to reduce distress makes them more likely to become targets of obsessions. Clients become more likely to obsess that they are doing exposures incorrectly and that their distress will never die down, and develop compulsions around their exposures, such as doing them more frequently, to try to assuage that fear. Of course as all compulsions do, this only makes the OCD worse. Lastly, the ERP model reinforces the maladaptive concept that anxiety is bad and undesirable. As with many thoughts and feelings, the more power we lend a concept by dreading it, the more likely it will be to pop up. So all hope is lost: ERP has a huge relapse rate and the theory used to explain it is built on a flimsy premise, right? But wait a minute! ERP still works- it has amazing success rates- even though EPT clearly doesn’t explain why. If we can figure out what is really fueling the effectiveness of therapy and focus on that, we can take a great treatment and enhance it even further. #### Along comes Inhibitory Learning Theory ILT is by no means a new and untested theory. A landmark paper on ILT for OCD was written [back in 2008](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796707002057) and since then this approach has gained more and more support, with some of the most reputed OCD researchers of our time [contributing to its development](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2211364914000992). A quick academic search of OCD treatment articles written in the last ten years will find a trend of enthusiastic support for this theory. Sadly, as with much of the healthcare world, there is a sizeable gap between research and practice. As a result many modern practitioners have not even heard of this years old shift in theory. The premise of ILT is built around fundamental truths in psychology. **New learning does not replace past learning.** When we learn new ways of relating to our OCD themes through ERP, we don’t previous associations with it. Here’s a metaphor: I used to have a contentious view of my dad, but now we have a great relationship. Our present relationship doesn’t make me forget the difficulties we had in the past: occasionally my dad will say or do something that elicits difficult feelings in me that used to be more frequent in our relationship, but this distress is no longer the default response. Instead, the closeness I have with him today is the louder of those two voices. The same goes for treatment of OCD. Because someone with OCD has a broken alarm system in their brain, they may always have a predilection to experience a false alarm that something is wrong. However, through exposures they can learn a new way of relating to those signals that becomes the default response they naturally turn to. By structuring the ERP to work in this way, we can expect much more consistent results. No longer do we view the results of therapy as dependent to a variable that we are not in direct control over (our emotions). Instead, the goal of therapy is very logically within our grasp: it is about establishing a healthier relationship to anxiety by learning how to relate to it in a different way. When we learn to ascribe irrelevance to the brain’s broken signals by not responding to them, we rob those signals of any power or influence they have over our lives. **The end result is practicality the same as if the distress was abolished**: a patient’s life goes on unaffected and untarnished by the OCD signals. They become empowered to navigate throughout life as if the signals never existed. I hope this article reaches those struggling who feel like they've tried everything. As long as you are motivated and active in the therapy process, I really believe treatment can work.

I skateboard and sometimes bike. I want to hear others on the spectrum's sport activity.

I just need to get my mind straight right now so lets talk. We can talk about anything, movies, games, I'm really into model kits.

Quite often recently I keep having episodes where I think something out. Go to implement usually work emails or client communications and as I'm typing out what I had in my brain everything does a 180 and my brain moves on to something else without my consent but my hands are still trying to finish what I originally started out. Then I go to read what I just did and I sound completely drunk or high. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This used to happen a lot when I was younger but then it went away for a long time starting around the time I graduated high school. Now at 41 all of a sudden it seems to be happening with more frequency. I'm not talking about a long timeframe either. Maybe 60 seconds mapping something out in my head. Then 30 seconds into implementation and BAM! Squirrel! I'm pretty good at longer-term and reeling myself back in but that momentary lapse causes some major productive issues.

I am still very new to researching this and I have not got a formal diagnosis. I am just wondering if I should bring this up to my psychiatrist. I need things to be a very specific way. For example, something almost constantly has to be touching the middle of my palm or my whole body feels uncomfortable. Sometimes I get stuck eating the exact same food made in the exact same way for weeks because of the taste and texture, my brain won't allow me to eat anything else. I sometimes do things over and over again until it feels right eg. Opening and closing my blinds until the "clack" it makes when it hits the bottom sounds right. Or getting stuck doing one thing such as holding a ball because I'll feel weird if I put it down. I'm also quite specific about temperature and can have panic attacks from being a little cold. I also can't stand the sound of a beeping microwave.

Okay so I have my comfort Zones while working and told that I would never clean bathrooms or anything that gave me issues. But today I overcame those fears and issues and utterly destroyed who know how many germs and tribes of the Delta Variant were destroyed by my own will by using nothing more then a spray bottle and cleaning rag. I don’t know why but it just made me very proud that I destroyed germs that have killed over thousands of people and were hurting us all in one way or another and it was just very satisfying seeing them get there just deserved retribution and me conquering them! Now I consider myself Germicus Maximus and Delticus Maximus, Conqueror of the Germs and Delta Variant. Either way I feel proud for doing what I did and love my Job.

I'd say I'm pretty good at written maths. I'm consistently getting the equivalent of a grade A in my maths exams and I'm going to take Maths and Further Maths next year. However, I literally cannot do maths in my head without paper or a calculator. Even something simple like 1000-10, I cannot do. The numbers just sit there in my head and refuse to interact. Half of the things I do I have to commit to memory and remember some kind of pneumonic to remember them. This was my downfall for years where I just assumed 6+7=11 because it rhymed, and when someone said "no, it's 13", I genuinely couldn't figure out what they meant until I counted on my fingers. I know this isn't an issue with visualizing numbers in my head, because I have a really good ability to visualize numbers. So technically I could write out the sum in my head and do it that way, but it still doesn't work unless I can physically see it with my eyes.