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Why was Hitler grumpy at breakfast? Because he didn't like the juice.

Cemeteries are great places to practice social distancing. Everyone is always six feet away from you.

If Dyson are making ventilators now, Does that mean you'll see all the phlegm spinning around at the front?

Why did girls start shaving their pubes in the early 2000’s? Because bush did 9/11

Two men were having a conversation, the first bragged about how at work he has over 100 men under him. The other then replies "wow, that's awesome" Then the first guy said "yeah, I work at a Cemetery!"

I don't know much about the benefits the USNS Comfort can provide But its paint job is a big plus.

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school. His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded "When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

Story of the obscene boy His dad and the obscene boy were driving through the expressway when suddenly a dildo hit the windshield. "Dad, what was that?" As the father didn't want to ruin the purity of his young child's mind, he said: "Oh that? It was just a bird" Then the boy said "That's a fucking big dick for a bird"

What is the difference between a Chinese person and a goldfish? One is in a tank, the other is under a tank.

A German, an Italian, and a Spaniard enter a bar... and were told to go home because they are closed. Stay home, stay safe people.

Why did the bike collapse? It was two tired

Wife was checking her husband's phone and saw a contact named COVID19 Wife was checking her husband's phone and saw a contact named COVID19. She called the number and her own phone rang. Husband is now in isolation.

A joke my cousin told me when we were 8 There was a man in a job interview. The CEO of the company asks: -Where do you used to work at? -Oh, I was a monster hunter. -But monsters don't exist! -You're welcome

Whats the difference between a melon and a cantaloupe A melon Can elope

My little brother: "I keep asking people what LGBT means... ...but no one is giving me a straight answer!"

A massive fight happened at the mime convention You wouldn't have heard of it, they don't like talking about it.

Did you hear about that terrible accident at the glue factory yesterday? It really stuck with me

A Buddhist monk leaves his monastery after 10 years His fellow monks beg him not to leave, but he firmly tells them that he is leaving to begin spreading his new form of Buddhism. After a few months, the leader of the monastery happens to bump into him, and tries to convince him to come back. The monk, again, firmly says that he has already begun spreading his new form of Buddhism. He calls it Nao Buddhism, and he already has dozens of followers. "But your old form of Buddhism is followed by far far more! What was wrong with that form?” The monk replies, "well, that was Zen, and this is Nao"

Decided to stop shaving to mark the start of quarantine I didn’t like my beard at first, but it’s really starting to grow on me.

If you find vomit in the living room, and blood in the kitchen - where will you find semen? The baSEMENt

Bored from the quarantine I started browsing Craigslist I found a radio on sale for 99¢, the only catch was that the volume knob was stuck on the highest level. I thought to myself “can’t turn that down!”

Elephant junk A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, Mom, down underneath." His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing." The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda. As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question. The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?" The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

Corona free man seeks corona free woman with toilet paper. Please send pictures of toilet paper.

Dad the lunch lady said some really bad words today son, your mum is under a lot of stress these days...

What is secret agent's favorite dinosaur? A pte>!REDACTED!<yl.

Is it just me or does 1000 miles not seem that far away? It's like 500 miles, then 500 more... Some might say you could walk that!

Why did the boy sit on his watch? Because he wanted to be on time.

A girl was sleeping in class (btw I'm new, so first time posting) A girl named Jess was sleeping in class, then the teacher asks Jess: 'Jess, who created the earth?' Now little Johnny was sitting behind her and had an unfolded paper clip, he poked Jess with it and Jess shouted 'Oh god' the teacher said correct. Next lesson Jess was sleeping again, the teacher then asks Jess: 'Jess, who is our. Lord and saviour?' little Johnny was behind Jess again and poked her, she then shouted, 'Jesus Christ!' The teacher said, 'well done'. Then in the third lesson, Jess is sleeping once again, the teacher then asks Jess: 'Jess, what did eve say too Adam after their 28th child' little Johnny poked her again, then Jess turned around and said, 'if you shove that thing up my a** once again I will snap it off you and shove it up yours!'

Novel Coronavairus? Can’t I just watch the movie coronavirus?

During WWII, Allied troops had confidence in their plan to storm the beaches. They were sure the Germans would nazi them coming.

Where do King James Version Only churches post videos of their sermon? ThouTube

How do you know when your hooker is dead? When you plug it in and she doesn't charge.

A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft. ...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high alert for the criminal. The police didn't know who this criminal was, but they had a few clues: he spoke spanish, a language not well known throughout the city, and he also had a knack for disguises and false identities, which meant he could be anyone, and the police has not been stopping to figure out who he is. "But, fortunately, we managed to get his identity, and we caught the damn bastard last night!" the police interrogator exclaimed in the interrogation room, infront of the criminal. "*Un*fortunately, he's already managed to steal the money, and has hidden it somewhere safe, and I want him to tell me where that is. Except I don't speak spanish, and nor does anyone in this damn building, so that's why we need YOU, the translator," he points to the other man in the room, "to get him to tell us where he hid it. Let's start." The interrogator spoke first. "Ask him, where does he keep the money?" The translator asked the criminal, and he spoke back in unfamiliar words. "He says he will not tell," said the translator. The interrogator said, "Tell him to speak up, or we will put him to death sentence for his crimes." The translator spoke accordingly, and the criminal seemed so visibly frightened by this, that he immediately told him its location. "By the old graveyard, under the second tree from the entrance! There's the money bags!" he said in Spanish. Trying to keep a grin, the translator decievingly told the interrogator that "he would rather die, than tell you where he has hidden it." Then the interrogator knew. Suddenly, both the interrogator and the 'criminal' took a handgun out and pointed it at the translator. The interrogator said, in perfect spanish, "Skilled robber my ass, all it took was a clever lie!"

Two friends were sitting together Two friends were sitting together watching a football match One of them is a clown in a circus They were all joking and laughing until the non-clown friend said to the other: "seriously though jokes aside, what side are you supporting in the match" The clown said "i support the jokes side"

John walks into a toilet stall.... As he closes the door, sits down and do his business, the guy in the next stall starts talking: Guy: Hey man, how’s it going? John: Umm, alright I guess. Guy: What are you doing now? John: Well, I’m about to take a crap. What about you? Guy: Hang on Mike, I’ll have to call you back; this guy in the next stall keeps talking to me.

Little Johnny gets under the teachers skirt. So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Reasons why i don't like watching netflix with my girlfriend 1. I don't have a netflix account 2. I don't have a girlfriend

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions i do

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her Or something like that...

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident. It was a real bonding experience.

If a horse does one thing, what does the cow do? an-udder thing!

Working from home: On the hotline: \- I'd like to speak with somebody on higher level. Me: \- Moooom..!!!

What sex position makes the ugliest children? Ask your mom.

The CEOs of Budweiser, Coors, Killian's, and Guinness walk into a bar.... ...and the bartender takes orders. The CEO of Budweiser says "I'll take a Bud Light. It's crisp, refreshing, and doesn't hurt the budget!" The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Coors says "I'll take a Coors light. It's colder, even more refreshing, and won't give you a beer gut!" The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Killian's says "These guys are amateurs, give me a Killian's Irish Red. It's smooth, flavorful, and distinct!" The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Guinness says "I'll have a Corona." The others give a confused look. The bartender says "but... why aren't you ordering a Guinness?" He responds, "cuz, we all didn't stay the fuck home!" ​

What is Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYEEEEEE

What did one soda can say to another? What's all this fuzz about?

A Buddhist monk goes to a store, buys a bottle of water for $1,00, pays with a $20 bill and the cashier keeps the change Monk: can I have the change? Cashier: change comes from within.

An insolent teenager stomps off to her room... Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!" Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"

I knew a guy who was abusing alcohol despite heart problems We used to call him druncardi-b

Young Tina is getting ready for a family meal, as her grandparents are on the way over.. Tina walks into her mums bedroom, where her mum is at the dressing table. Mum is applying lipstick when Tina says “Hey Mu-“ Mum jumps at the sound of Tina’s voice, drops her lipstick and shouts “Shit!”. Young Tina asks “What does that mean, mum?”. Mum replies, “Oh, it’s just another word for lipstick, hunny.” Young Tina decides to go check on Dad, and strolls into the kitchen as her dad is calving the chicken ready for dinner. “Hey Da-“ Dad jumps at the sound of Tina’s voice, drops the knife and shouts “Fuck!”, as it narrowly avoids his big toe. Young Tina asks “What does that mean, dad?”. Dad replies, “oh, it’s just another word for calving chicken, darling.” The doorbell rings and Young Tina goes to answer the door. It’s her grand parents. After letting them in, Nana says “how come you answered the door, where’s your mum and dad?” “Well” said Tina. “Mums putting shit on her lips, and Dad’s fucking the chicken.”

Which Disney character loves wordplays? Peter Pun.

I know a secret about Corona Virus, but I'm afraid you might spread it.

I got fired from the calendar factory. They were really strict about employee taking a day off.

(real-life joke) My 5-year-old daughter and I were playing with her dolls... Having a great time cooking a great meal in imagination-land (toy room) when things got real. Daughter - "Hey Dad, Let's throw the old food in the field to feed the animals." Me - "Good idea, that would be nice so they get some food too." Daughter - *throws a few pieces of fake food halfway across the toy room* Me - "Wow good throw, you threw that pretty far back in the field, nice job" Daughter - "Yeah, I still didn't throw them as far back as your hairlines" *WTF...* Someone has been coaching here on that punchline, and I think it's my wife. Hope you all have a good laugh at my expense, have a good day. P.S. It still hurts

Your washbasin has been sitting outside of your front door since the outbreak began Let that sink in

King jong-un tested positive for virus He killed everyone else to prevent the spread He is a man of social commitment you know!

One day a bear has announced in the woods that every animal has to bring him meat tomorrow And if any don't bring it he'll whip their back with his dick. So the next day every animal in the woods lines up in front of bear's cave and leaves him a piece of meat, but the rabbit as he is weak and can't hunt he left him a carrot. The bear angrily grabbed the little bunny, pinned him to the ground, pulled out his quite large member and started beating his back with it. The rabbit screamed, cried, squealed... And then started laughing. The bear asked "What's so funny?" and the rabbit replied "I just saw the hedgehog bringing you an apple!"

I heard my physician got arrested recently. He had joined the Doctors Without Boundaries.

Keanu Reeves said to coronavirus You are breathtaking!

In America, anyone can become President. That's the problem. *^lovingly ^stolen ^from ^George ^Carlin.*

Our local pastor was upset at our congregation's topologist today He said he was committing a deadly sin, being Holier than Thou.

A bear walks into a bar... A bear walks into a bar, says I'll have a gin and... ... ... ... ... tonic. Bartender says "Sure, but why the huge pause?" "These?" The bear says. "I was born with'em!"

An computer inventor starts talking to his friend. “I’ve almost made a human-like robot!” He says. “You mean it can think?” His friend replies. “No, but when it fails, it puts the blame on the back of another computer.”

Mom is the new black. Ok...I'll serve first. Yo mama so old, she could make vintage porn tomorrow.

We all know about the Freshman 15 But with all the gyms closed and eating so much take-out, I'm more worried about the Covid 19

How to kill boredom during the quarantine Don't get bored

How do you get the nun pregnant ? Get a choir boy to fart into her pussy

This ones from my late grandma. How do you make a hormone? Forget to pay her!

Experts in the USA are suggesting a lockdown could be the only solution to the current crisis. White House officials responded by saying that they tried it, but he keeps getting out.

I have this awful affliction where I can’t stop telling airport jokes I think it’s terminal

‌‌I p‌‌roposed t‌‌o m‌‌y e‌‌x-wife t‌‌oday She s‌‌aid n‌‌o, s‌‌he t‌‌hinks I‌‌'m j‌‌ust a‌‌fter m‌‌y m‌‌oney.

A Rabbi and a Priest are talking. They are arguing about whose religion is better. Then, the priest goes to the rabbi, ‘Admit it, you’ve tried pork.’ The rabbi tells him that he hasn’t. The priest carries on asking him until eventually the rabbi admits it. He says, ‘Yeah I’ll admit it, I’ve tried it once. But now you admit something. You’ve had sex.’ The priest, much like the rabbi, is adamant that he hasn’t. But the rabbi keeps on pressing him until the priest says, ‘Okay I’ll admit it, I’ve had sex once.’ The rabbi goes, ‘A lot better than pork right.’

Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Cuz he was outstanding in his field

A little boy goes to his dad and asks: 'Dad, what's Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.' So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and see s his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ' The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.' The little boy replies, 'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

A rabbi, a Hindu priest, and a politician went hiking. Night fell and they were exhausted. The hotel on the map was nowhere to be seen. They knocked on the door of a farm and asked if they could spend the night. The farmer said, “Of course, but I only have a small room with two beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn.” The Hindu priest said, “I need no material comforts. I will gladly take the barn.” The rabbi and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the Hindu priest standing there. “So sorry, my friends, but there is a cow in the barn, and I cannot sleep beside such a holy animal.” The rabbi said, “No problem, my brother. I’ll take the barn. The Hindu priest and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the rabbi standing there. “So sorry, my friends, but there’s a pig in the barn, and I can’t sleep beside such a filthy animal.” The politician said, “OK, let it be remembered that I sacrificed my comfort for the greater good.” The rabbi and the Hindu priest were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the pig and the cow standing there.

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Did you hear about the new short nasal swab test for COVID-19? I guess it won't work on me. ​ Credit to Governor Andrew Cuomo.

A young woman gets her first job at the Tickle-me Elmo factory. The boss takes her up to the office that overlooks the assembly line and tells her what her job is. Then he sends her down. About an hour later the line leader comes up to the office and says, “Boss you gotta get this new girl off my line. She’s killing production.” The boss looks down out of his office and sees the girl. The line is backed up terribly. Every time a tickle-me Elmo gets to her she takes a leather pouch and places 2 marbles in it and attempts to sew it between the Elmo’s legs. The boss laughs and tells the line leader to bring the girl up. When the girl gets there she starts frantically apologizing and saying she’ll try harder. The boss stops her and says “I think you misunderstood me. I told you when an Elmo gets to you on the line to pick it up and give it 2 test tickles.”

You hear the commanding voice say “I’m hot. Put the plug in me and fill me up.” You respond, “Alexa, turn off bath notifications.”

You can't breathe through your nose when you're smiling Of course you can, I just wanted you to smile

Scientists have made a suprising discovery that there is a direct correlation between colder weather in conjunction with the Corona virus epidemic... and increase in number of ninjas on the streets.

A police officer stopped a car for speeding A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘I clocked you at 120 km/h sir.’ The driver says, ‘Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’ Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’ As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?’ The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’ As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit. The man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘Fk it woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’ The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’ The driver says, ‘Yeah well, you see officer, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’ The wife says, ‘Now dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’ And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WHY DON’T YOU shut the fk up? The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way Ma’am?’ The Wife replies, ‘Only when he’s drunk.’

I walked in on my Roommate using Anal beads Guess you could say she was going Balls-deep

What do you call a person who likes to hang out with musicians? A Drummer!

When you work from home, what do you call a cat on the stairs in the morning? Traffic.

I found out why it’s a bad idea to share secrets on a farm.. The corn has ears, The potatoes have eyes. And Ezekiel had a shotgun when found me with his daughter!

What did the nurse say when she pulled rectal thermometer out of her pocket? “Which one of you assholes took my pen?”

A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck em dry!"

A B-road walks into a Bar, he orders a pint, sits down, and starts reading the newspaper. 5 minutes later an A road walks into a bar, he orders a pint, sits down, and starts reading the newspaper. The B-road moves to the opposite side of the bar, peeking frightfully over the top of his newspaper at the larger, higher maintenance A-road. Later, a motorway walks into a bar, he orders two pints, sits down, and starts to read the newspaper. The B-road and the A-road both cower in the corner of the bar, scared of the motorway, much larger than themselves and of much higher importance. Then, a single white line walks into the bar. Everyone instantly goes up to the barman, attempting to pay their tab, looking immensely worried. The barman turns to them and says: "Why are you so scared of him, he's much smaller than you" The Motorway stuttered and glanced over his shoulder: "You don't want to get on the wrong side of him, he's....a c-c-c-cyclepath"

Light travels faster than sound Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

A man and his pregnant wife A man and his wife had been married for some time now. The woman was pregnant and had been for many months. When her water broke they rushed to the hospital. The man said to his wife “Honey I can’t watch this, you’re in pain and I just can’t see you suffer like this. I need to leave the room, name our child whatever you like.” The husband leaves the room and not too long after, his wife gives birth to a baby girl. She named the baby “Love.” The man didn’t think much of this other than the fact it was a weird name. Years had past and the daughter came home from school crying. So her father asked “Baby what’s wrong?” She told her dad that she was getting bullied because of her weird name. Her father told her that it was going to be okay. She went up to her room and kept crying. A few years later and the same thing happened. The girl, Love, came home from school crying only for her dad to ask why. She said it was from her name. Years later and Love was in her senior year of high school. She came home one day crying as usual and when her dad asked why, she said it was from her name. She kissed him on the cheek and went upstairs to her room to cry. The man thought this was weird because she hadn’t done this since she was a really little girl. So he talked to his wife about it and they agreed to go upstairs to check on her. They went upstairs and knocked on her door. There was no reply. They opened the door and Love wasn’t there. Suddenly, there was a gunshot. The parents were worried their daughter had killed herself. So they turn around and find that she is standing behind them with a gun pointed at her dad. The man looks down at his chest and sees that there is blood coming out. He looks at his wife and says “Shot through the heart! And you’re to blame, darling you gave love a bad name!”

pickle rick thats the joke

Why are narcissists paranoid? Because people are jealous of what I have and will try to take it from me at any cost

I've sneezed today... ... so hard, that when everyone turned their heads to me, I thought I was in The Voice.

My girlfriend keeps saying that a small dick is nothing to worry about I still wish she hadn't got one

Well, well, well, how the turntables... Airlines before: \- Ticket is 50€. \- Oh, you want to sit too? That’s 10€ extra. \- Want extra leg space? 10€ extra. \- Oh, you didn’t print your boarding pass? That will be 20€. \- What? Your luggage is too heavy? 50€, please. \- Oops, we overbooked this flight, sorry, you can’t board. \- You want to sit beside each other? 10€ ... per person. \- Your flight has been cancelled because of ... reasons, try again. \- Your Wednesday flight has been put to Thursday. See you on Thursday. \- Remember that flight that we put to Thursday? We put it back to Wednesday, sorry. \- Your flight was late, you could get a refund but you won’t. Sorry. \- Thirsty? A bottle of water is 5€ but we have sandwiches for 10€. \- Dang, we forgot your luggage at the airport. No worries, they will arrive next week. \- Thank you for traveling with us. Before you go, buy some souvenirs for a bloated price. Airlines now: \- This virus is bankrupting us, we need government bailouts, now!

Possibly the funniest clean joke of all time. This guy owns a circus, see? And one day he's in there, checking out the big top, and this scrawny little guy walks in the door. He walks over to the boss, and he says "Are you the boss here?" Guy says "Yeah. What do you want?" He says "I'd like to join the circus. I got an act." The guy says "Oh, yeah? Well, let me see what it is." So this little guy goes over to the center pole, and he starts climbing up the pole. And he goes all the way up. He climbs up and up and up. He goes all the way up to the very peak of the big top. And he looks down, and he takes a deep breath, and he leaps off, and he starts flapping his arms. And he starts flying! And he flies all around the big top! He goes all the way around the place. He goes around the center pole. He goes loop-de-loop through the trapezes. Then he gets all the way up, and he takes a nosedive right down to the ground, flapping his arms like mad. And he lands right next to the boss. And he says "Well, what do ya think?" The boss says "That's all you do? Bird imitations?"

The next generation of the Nigerian email scam is here :P Hello My Dear Calvary Greetings in the name of the ALMIGHTY I am Mrs Monica Gorgia from Switzerland I am married to Mr Joseph Gorgia who is a wealthy business man here in Burkina Faso. we are devoted christian. We own a papermill in Nigeria where we currently have a large stockpile of toilet paper. We have noticed with great dismay the shortages in your supermarkets and we are wanting to offer you a business opportunity. We would like to ship 1000 pallets of 3ply toilet paper at no cost to yourself for which you can then sell onto others at great margin. We do this out of the goodness of our hearts as it is very Christian. All we ask from yourself is to cover the cost of the freight. As we have several business contacts, we have managed to have that set at $5000. If this is agreeable to yourself, then please be returning by email most expediently and I will reply hastily with the account details for you to deposit. Yours Sister, Mrs Monica Gorgia. Please Let My Situation Touch Your Heart

"Make me a sandwich, woman!" "Uh, welcome to subway"