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1,200 | 231,201 | Did you hear about the autistic guy that sat on his food at Fuddrucker's? Turns out he just had Aspergers. | [ 3.69551703e-02 -3.40230875e-02 -2.19987426e-02 8.95422176e-02
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1,201 | 231,202 | Tried changing my password to "14days" but it was two week | [ 9.00110602e-03 6.78295083e-03 2.55651306e-02 1.46546476e-02
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1,202 | 231,203 | How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb? Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her. | [ 6.67920038e-02 -2.97622737e-02 -7.42985681e-03 4.21303362e-02
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1,203 | 231,204 | ATTN FILMMAKERS: Is it possible the future won't be colored a bleak greenish gray with constant rain, or are you really sure of this? | [-9.07603800e-02 -2.73821484e-02 9.91913974e-02 -4.36917227e-03
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1,204 | 231,205 | I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap. | [ 7.59728476e-02 2.96678990e-02 3.79709993e-03 5.55328242e-02
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1,205 | 231,206 | Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly 1918 Spanish flu virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but this is how pandemics start. | [-1.10945767e-02 -2.72065029e-02 -1.85848530e-02 2.51721172e-03
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1,206 | 231,207 | Me: Congrats! I heard you got married again Her: Sorry I didn't invite you. It was a small ceremony Me: Its ok. I'll go to your next one | [ 1.38018560e-02 -8.56045925e-04 1.14631191e-01 1.79047938e-02
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1,207 | 231,208 | Poor onions I cried when my Dad sliced Onions. I missed Onions. He was a good dog. | [-5.38690798e-02 2.74802428e-02 3.11426427e-02 4.60129865e-02
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1,208 | 231,209 | Why does all of Jared Fogle's music sound the same? Because he loves to abuse A Minor. | [ 5.22972234e-02 -8.71881396e-02 1.17072769e-01 -5.98558597e-02
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1,209 | 231,210 | How do you make a space party? You planet. | [ 4.48416956e-02 -4.27738316e-02 5.14365993e-02 3.56373307e-03
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1,210 | 231,211 | Serial killer or nerd If a guy has a knife collection he's a serial killer if he has a sword collection he's just a nerd. | [-1.88532341e-02 1.44109987e-02 -3.08888406e-02 -3.71269509e-02
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1,211 | 231,212 | "Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog | [-2.90774796e-02 4.85920385e-02 3.84606933e-03 3.84762883e-02
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1,212 | 231,213 | How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours? I'll post the answer tomorrow. | [ 1.82961430e-02 4.92058806e-02 2.44088825e-02 2.21166052e-02
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1,213 | 231,214 | Where did L Ron Hubbard store his dishes? In the L Ron cupboard. | [-1.07643586e-02 3.35897715e-03 -9.11018401e-02 4.02843095e-02
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1,214 | 231,215 | A wise chinese guy once said to me "if the dog barks, it's undercooked" - Some wise chinese guy | [-7.59876072e-02 2.93451734e-02 4.98469062e-02 8.05093348e-02
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1,215 | 231,216 | How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? | [-1.61386952e-02 2.57436186e-02 9.93647426e-03 -7.10463598e-02
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1,216 | 231,217 | Chuck Norris farted once. He did it in the Sahara forest. | [ 4.99663595e-03 7.93595761e-02 -7.20111877e-02 1.24309205e-01
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1,217 | 231,218 | Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you? | [ 7.16015929e-03 5.81912920e-02 3.16565037e-02 1.06969737e-02
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1,218 | 231,219 | What did one atom say to the other? Thank you for your help in this matter! | [-4.36490327e-02 2.78967936e-02 -4.92922403e-02 6.17192499e-02
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1,219 | 231,220 | If your kids are playing and it gets totally quiet, then you hear one say "you're okay, you're okay," they are definitely NOT okay. | [ 5.72837405e-02 -5.03134839e-02 4.05331366e-02 4.63004876e-03
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1,220 | 231,221 | What do you call a prostitude asking for a ride? A Hictchooker | [ 3.94112356e-02 5.54159842e-02 -9.19354334e-03 8.70176218e-03
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1,221 | 231,222 | Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy. Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer. | [-5.4045962e-03 8.6249173e-02 3.4557074e-02 6.8499222e-02
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1,222 | 231,223 | Why is it called Big Bang? Baby universe was born. | [ 2.68128086e-02 3.66932573e-03 -5.53710200e-03 1.00519277e-01
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1,223 | 231,224 | [first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone | [-7.11959898e-02 7.00268969e-02 9.83561054e-02 1.21055199e-02
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1,224 | 231,225 | Blind man walks into a bar... ...bartender asks if he likes his beer light or dark. | [ 1.90422451e-03 -6.25584275e-03 -3.94779779e-02 1.16047062e-01
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1,225 | 231,226 | I'm so glad I married a big strong program like WinRAR He can open all of my .jars! | [-1.48557676e-02 3.56523767e-02 9.90347471e-03 -5.03153093e-02
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1,226 | 231,227 | What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger. | [-7.25246221e-02 -2.08238792e-02 6.01748899e-02 -1.02010015e-02
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1,227 | 231,228 | Sex Is Like A Restaurant Sometimes You Get Good Service, Sometimes Bad Service, Sometimes No Service, And Sometimes You Have To Be Happy With Self-Service | [-5.98268360e-02 8.02137796e-03 2.19471734e-02 4.06709462e-02
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1,228 | 231,229 | So son, you want to win the science fair, eh? We can solve this with good ol' American know-how *drone strikes other projects* We win | [ 4.00037738e-03 1.81455258e-02 4.99334522e-02 -5.93780242e-02
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1,229 | 231,230 | What does a dog from Minnesota say? Woof da. | [-4.66750897e-02 1.63451750e-02 9.66657847e-02 9.73074511e-03
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1,230 | 231,231 | Breaking up with Asians is so hard. You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message. | [-6.15762779e-03 3.96506712e-02 7.79385641e-02 3.19753513e-02
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1,231 | 231,232 | How do you confuse a fish? You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner! | [-1.01032229e-02 2.65782103e-02 -4.96797040e-02 -4.90360186e-02
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1,232 | 231,233 | Sometimes I squirt mayonnaise across my breasts so I don't forget what it's like to have a boyfriend. | [ 1.16129695e-02 -9.76014882e-02 6.68704361e-02 1.40922535e-02
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1,233 | 231,234 | A republican posts in /r/politics... | [-8.79089013e-02 -4.99060526e-02 -5.01831099e-02 -3.15819196e-02
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1,234 | 231,235 | Why did the antelope go to her sisters house? She wanted to see her nephewlope | [ 1.81938820e-02 9.80307385e-02 1.53745785e-02 3.62163372e-02
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1,235 | 231,236 | [looking at wife's tombstone] today would've been our anniversary *falls to knees* why did I pre-buy her tombstone causing her to divorce me | [-5.42394221e-02 1.26084298e-01 8.82313699e-02 -4.08125520e-02
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1,236 | 231,237 | As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone" | [-1.14823714e-01 4.41462584e-02 1.40624372e-02 5.63770672e-03
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1,237 | 231,238 | angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla | [ 7.69054471e-03 5.88945523e-02 3.03165317e-02 9.48597044e-02
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1,238 | 231,239 | I don't know why people call Donald Trump inexperienced He used to remove black families from their homes all the time. | [ 3.49712856e-02 3.89404930e-02 4.32572998e-02 4.71639000e-02
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1,239 | 231,240 | I'm hoping someone puts razor blades in my daughter's Halloween candy this year because those things are ridiculously expensive. | [-3.26802284e-02 2.44907793e-02 2.36057695e-02 4.37531061e-03
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1,240 | 231,241 | Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side. | [ 2.47657578e-02 -1.00520835e-03 -1.64837874e-02 1.03776485e-01
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1,241 | 231,242 | What do you call 1000 Jews on a train? Whatever you like - They're not coming back. | [ 1.84436683e-02 3.13334838e-02 -3.15445550e-02 4.24742587e-02
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1,242 | 231,243 | A lady came up to me in the middle of the street asking for help So I gave her my AIDS | [-7.30311424e-02 5.39484881e-02 3.34811918e-02 3.73741286e-03
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1,243 | 231,244 | "What you just said reminds me of something completely different I want to talk about." - Everyone | [-8.49683955e-03 -5.88818162e-04 4.12487015e-02 -1.62198290e-03
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1,244 | 231,245 | Why did hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill. It was over nein thousand. | [ 2.22755391e-02 1.09479286e-01 -3.72483321e-02 1.37582896e-02
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1,245 | 231,246 | I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor. | [ 6.09888323e-02 -4.39205207e-02 -5.14000095e-02 -7.01460093e-02
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1,246 | 231,247 | A little Muslim girl tells her husband: "I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Husband says: "You can do one or the other, you can't do both." | [-6.34248229e-03 5.38899601e-02 -7.73419663e-02 8.06560069e-02
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1,247 | 231,248 | Ear sex is dangerous... ...it fucks with your head | [ 1.91451274e-02 8.44137743e-03 -7.98998680e-03 -4.22659563e-03
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1,248 | 231,249 | Have you seen www.hook.com? Yes it's already caught my eye. | [-6.50877431e-02 -9.82789248e-02 -2.47602388e-02 1.32460976e-02
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1,249 | 231,250 | Handjobs and blowjobs Handjobs from girls that speak sign language count as blowjobs. | [ 2.48811617e-02 -5.68481386e-02 6.39040321e-02 -2.90836231e-03
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1,252 | 231,253 | what do you call a chav in a box? innit. | [-3.78366485e-02 7.11415038e-02 -9.87705812e-02 6.31040195e-03
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1,253 | 231,254 | How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring. | [-8.40452239e-02 8.43380466e-02 4.02902626e-03 -2.72598788e-02
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1,254 | 231,255 | I believe that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs. | [ 2.84630177e-03 -3.13459300e-02 -6.81849336e-03 1.73506010e-02
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1,255 | 231,256 | Why do cannibals never go hungry? Because they can make themselves dinner. | [ 2.78510526e-02 5.18268757e-02 -2.46636719e-02 5.84148876e-02
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1,256 | 231,257 | I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am. | [-4.47629020e-02 8.89865868e-03 2.21781880e-02 1.23607293e-02
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1,257 | 231,258 | What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grraaaiinns | [-5.71793988e-02 1.88292917e-02 -9.49262083e-02 2.31318176e-02
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1,258 | 231,259 | In Texas we pronounce it "nu-que-lur" I'm often harassed about how I pronounce nuclear but I think fair is fair. If Yankees can have silent letters I don't see how come we can't have invisible ones! | [-2.72856597e-02 -8.02162811e-02 -1.69419043e-03 1.96650419e-02
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1,259 | 231,260 | Google+ is not a "ghost town", because a town filled with ghosts would actually be fun. | [-4.89466414e-02 -6.64524585e-02 1.32574486e-02 -8.51505175e-02
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1,262 | 231,263 | There are two kinds of people in this world... People who can extrapolate on incomplete information.... | [-4.96283472e-02 -2.42266292e-03 -3.58465360e-03 1.47339348e-02
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1,263 | 231,264 | I'm not a big fan of loud music I guess its just not my forte | [ 8.38439167e-02 -1.21763490e-01 5.69149554e-02 -4.68023047e-02
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1,264 | 231,265 | After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN. | [-7.48214647e-02 -1.40130066e-03 8.62758458e-02 -2.88084000e-02
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1,265 | 231,266 | All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme. | [-9.82729048e-02 6.30455464e-02 5.86903915e-02 1.37811564e-02
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1,266 | 231,267 | There's 3 types of people in this world People who can count and people who can't count | [ 6.87240884e-02 -9.87854302e-02 -6.83401152e-02 3.12401000e-02
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1,267 | 231,268 | How many..... How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side | [ 9.90135446e-02 -3.20936404e-02 -2.68561635e-02 5.26152104e-02
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1,268 | 231,269 | It's Palm Sunday and we didn't drink the wine out of a coconut? I don't know why this church even has a suggestion box. | [ 1.03444412e-01 5.97707648e-03 2.04147641e-02 8.62437636e-02
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1,269 | 231,270 | My Favorite Politician Quote (not sure if this belongs here but what the hell) "Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober." - Winston Churchill | [-7.89375603e-02 5.23309410e-02 3.25269401e-02 4.57285084e-02
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1,270 | 231,271 | I spent an hour staring at the OJ container yesterday. It said "concentrate." | [ 4.72757891e-02 1.41372364e-02 -2.50976924e-02 9.36729386e-02
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1,271 | 231,272 | What do you call a gay herbal doctor? A homeosexual. | [ 2.65653208e-02 1.81318931e-02 -6.58575222e-02 5.54976575e-02
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1,272 | 231,273 | I buy my own f*cking lemons because you know what? life doesn't hand anyone anything for free. | [-7.69225433e-02 3.58242169e-02 2.95890681e-02 5.56572229e-02
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1,273 | 231,274 | Why can't the main character of Fallout 4 get a girlfriend? Because they're too young for him | [ 5.34446351e-02 -2.99395621e-02 -7.42231216e-03 3.58329043e-02
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1,274 | 231,275 | Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how Tree Trunk' is doing | [ 3.80508427e-04 6.38449416e-02 1.06269591e-01 7.20430464e-02
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1,275 | 231,276 | My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots. | [ 5.16686440e-02 4.01396714e-02 2.09236797e-02 2.84073483e-02
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1,276 | 231,277 | How many dead hookers do you need to replace a lightbulb? Atleast not three since my basement is still dark. | [ 5.23111224e-02 -5.73212020e-02 -6.74998686e-02 3.88605185e-02
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1,277 | 231,278 | Life is like a box of chocolates. My wife won't let me have any. | [-4.29414324e-02 6.16169069e-04 4.45304401e-02 1.19964086e-01
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1,278 | 231,279 | Where do volcanoes go to relieve themselves? The lavatory, of course! | [ 8.47011656e-02 5.04301898e-02 6.29555807e-02 6.61211759e-02
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1,279 | 231,280 | "I forgot my phone, so what do u want to talk about?" ... *knocks on stall wall* "Hello? Can u hear me?" ... "I like your shoes...Hello?" .. | [-8.87106806e-02 4.13903072e-02 9.97572616e-02 1.34144269e-03
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1,280 | 231,281 | A farmer wins $30 million in a lottery A reporter asks him if he's going to retire and he says "No, I'm just going to keep farming until it's all gone." | [-3.07869259e-02 5.21299243e-02 -5.05580716e-02 7.85587169e-03
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1,281 | 231,282 | What do some burger eaters have? A Hardee appetite! | [-4.92037572e-02 -3.94750237e-02 1.47524439e-02 4.11829203e-02
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1,282 | 231,283 | A chihuahua is just a barking cat. | [ 7.79769570e-02 2.01901942e-02 7.57490769e-02 8.15708786e-02
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1,283 | 231,284 | I'm my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds of people tied for second place. | [ 3.27163897e-02 -5.70691153e-02 -1.34742651e-02 -4.61566932e-02
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1,284 | 231,285 | Remember to horrify your friends and family by testing out your tweets on Facebook today | [-2.58267322e-03 9.61704031e-02 -1.16210673e-02 5.33339381e-02
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1,285 | 231,286 | Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Espanol by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'. | [-3.70419398e-02 2.32944451e-02 2.24563945e-02 -3.64289177e-03
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1,286 | 231,287 | HR: What are some of your strengths? Me: Shifting the blame HR: That's a horrible reply Me: No, your question was! HR: Wow, you're good! | [-1.35618178e-02 4.44226712e-02 1.11604212e-02 7.40526766e-02
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1,287 | 231,288 | What does a 500 pound parakeet say? "TWEET!!!" * [Source1](http://i.imgur.com/9HEfWT1.jpg) * [Source2](http://i.imgur.com/JR1VTA0.jpg) | [-1.10851489e-02 1.42009288e-01 9.52849817e-03 -3.71773466e-02
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1,288 | 231,289 | Hedgehogs ... Why can't they learn to just share the hedge. | [ 3.87886688e-02 4.43318905e-03 3.08591500e-02 4.56033535e-02
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1,289 | 231,290 | Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently... The steaks have never been higher. | [-2.37067938e-02 -1.37107668e-03 4.23029345e-03 6.81363717e-02
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1,290 | 231,291 | My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, "That's for all the cheating!" She has a weird way of apologising. | [-1.24875857e-02 2.55524963e-02 5.35838567e-02 5.05012088e-02
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1,291 | 231,292 | Panties LUST : Tearing her panties off. Love : Sliding them down gently Marriage : Folding them regularly | [-8.97391513e-03 1.82173699e-02 7.83499852e-02 5.65874167e-02
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1,292 | 231,293 | What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A good start. | [ 2.62837479e-04 5.66215860e-03 -8.05625692e-02 6.32930845e-02
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1,293 | 231,294 | So Billy is watching a sexy car video where two cars are making out while loving it and eachother. His Mom says, "Are you WILLY to learn how to drive?" | [ 2.04717927e-02 1.69789530e-02 -1.00520095e-02 2.43810676e-02
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1,294 | 231,295 | What is a caterpillar scared of? A dogapillar | [ 1.08428271e-02 7.71094812e-03 9.24494583e-03 1.15859084e-01
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1,295 | 231,296 | You can never really be alone... Except if you don't have a smart phone. | [-3.60818841e-02 -7.47062042e-02 1.02902018e-01 2.43543182e-02
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1,296 | 231,297 | Arnold Palmer: get me a refreshing drink Barkeep: try this, its lemonade and iced tea Arnold Palmer: Mmm... its good... I just invented it. | [-7.59019554e-02 2.85105743e-02 3.19975019e-02 5.25778197e-02
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1,298 | 231,299 | Of course I work out. I do burpees after drinking pop. I do lunges to grab the last slice of pizza & squats if I drop it. | [-9.09236725e-03 2.67413387e-04 -2.23865900e-02 2.03223410e-03
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1,299 | 231,300 | I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass". | [ 4.67284285e-02 -8.33183974e-02 -1.41611388e-02 7.53092021e-03
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