|
example_id,post,comment_1,comment_2,comment_1_label,comment_2_label,more_helpful_comment,batch
|
|
142, |
|
At 26, I don’t see how this will happen otherwise. I could feign attraction to a desperate woman who doesn’t take care of herself but that seems even worse. Or I could date significantly younger women (20-21) but that also seems kind of exploitative. |
|
|
|
I’ve made multitudes of attempts to get to know women and then ask them out, only to get rejected for inexperience. So I’m planning on paying for it, just ONCE to get it out of the way. |
|
|
|
If it’s a huge turn-off, then I know I have to hide it as well.","If you have no issue hiding that you’ve slept with a prostitute, why do you have an issue hiding your virginity? Don’t do the prostitute because it’s a lot more controversial to do that than to just be a virgin.
|
|
110, |
|
|
|
I have been saving up for years and making sure my credit is impeccable ever since I was 18. I’ve had a very hard life, and I have finally been able to say I am able to reach my goal of owning a home. My boyfriend is also in on this, and with both of our incomes we can definitely afford a decent home in the current market. |
|
|
|
With this being said, he has no savings and is absolutely terrible with money. He also has no credit history, and relied on me adding him to my accounts in order for us to get approved for a loan. Essentially, this will be my hard work. |
|
|
|
My boyfriend and I are into cars and that’s how we met. He, on a whim, purchased an older sports car for $1,500 about a year ago. I wasn’t totally against it, but I raised a huge concern because of him only able to afford this car because he happened to have made a significantly larger pay check the week before. |
|
|
|
I was excited d about the car because it is fun, and for $1,500 it didn’t ruin us or cause any tension money wise. But when I asked to drive the car, he fully declined and said it was his car and he “worked hard to be able to afford it”. |
|
|
|
Fast forward to last week, after being approved with an amazing interest rate in todays market, I stated how this house is fully mine, and how betrayed I feel that I can sacrifice years of my wants to be able to do this for us. He still has yet to budge and refuses to let me drive the car. |
|
|
|
Would this be a dealbreaker for anyone else? ","Never buy a house when you aren't married, never buy a house with a 'grown adult' who is 'terrible with money', his intellectual capacity is WAY too long to do anything major with him ever, it's clear the limit of his forward thinking is literally a single paycheck. You should run from this immediately be done with it tonight","When I was a teenager I owned 2 60's hot rods. I was dating 2 girls and totally honest to both and had only had 2 both long term girlfriends at that point. Then I met this girl, while cruising in one of my hot rods and we hit it off. I imedidatly warned her I already had 2 girlfriends and wouldn't have much time for a third, then when she asked about the next day and I told her I was putting a new engine in one of my hot rods she asked if she could help. She showed up the next morning and helped lower the engine lift and with other things. She not only ended up driving both (preferring them to her brand new car (graduation present) and ended up marrying her. Divorced now but still good friends.
|
|
157, |
|
|
|
Basically, my partner always emphasizes very idealistic things that he'll do for me in the future/one day and uses that as leverage. |
|
|
|
For example, my partner always says things like ""I'll buy you nice jewelry one day"" or ""I'll take you on a nice vacation one day."" I'm not sure if he thinks that'll make me feel more excited/hopeful for the future, but it actually just makes me feel worse. In regard to the statements that he'll buy me something, I've never been much of a gift person, but because he makes those statements, I sometimes come to expect something and then become disappointed. Just recently he went on a trip, and he told me he would buy me some nice tea. Without him telling me prior, I would have never expected a gift, but of course, he didn't actually end up following through. I'm just so confused because why tell me something that I necessarily don't want to hear???? by telling me, I feel like he's just setting himself up for more failure and me for unnecessary disappointment?? this is a common pattern that has happened multiple times across a variety of themes. |
|
|
|
While I feel like all his statements are super empty, he often acts as if they're not. For example, we got into a bit of a scuffle the other day, and I said something that complained about how he never thinks of ""us"" and it's always just ""him."" In response, he retorted that he will move to my home country for me, something that i think is highly unlikely but he likes to daydream about i guess, so that's proof that he is thinking about ""us"" and willing to do things for ""us."" Additionally, even if we do move, that's like ten years away minimum, aka maybe too far away to be bringing up in arguments right now. |
|
|
|
I also feel that he's expecting that everything will just work out in the long run so he doesn't have any urgency to apply meaningful thought or real tangible effort to our relationship in the present, which makes me feel like he just expects that I'll stay with him no matter what because he has painted this idealistic future for us (which is not true). |
|
|
|
To be fair to him, I think he is only daydreaming about the future because he's going through a difficult time with his immediate family. but I'm wondering if 1. my feelings are valid, and that it makes sense to be frustrated at this sort of pattern, and if it does make sense, 2. how to go about communicating this to him in a way that's not an attack/harsh? and 3. how do I express that I would much rather appreciate some sort of effort in the present than to wait for a future that may never come?","Do you realistically see a future with him? How would that work with a different country? |
|
|
|
At 24, you need to get more serious about your dating options. You need to date with a future and you are seeing and knowing this behaviour, and life obstacles won’t lead to it.","By saying he’ll do something for you “in the future” he’s gaining your positive reaction with ZERO cost or effort. He has no intention of ever doing any of the things he says. He couldn’t be assed to buy you tea? That was a no brainer, lowest effort possible option of something he actually could deliver. I’m sure if you really sit down and think about it, you’ll find other equally effortless promises that he didn’t make happen. He’s just stringing you along.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
97, |
|
|
|
About 5 years ago she stopped exercising and doing anything active. Since then, she has gained over 45 lbs. and has really let herself go. She doesn't wear any makeup anymore and even her hair is always a mess. She even refuses to shower, when it's obvious that she should. |
|
|
|
I thought at first it was depression, and we went to a couple doctors, and she insists it isn't depression and the doctors agreed with her. She insists she just doesn't care about her appearance anymore. She doesn't ever wear anything attractive, even if we go out for dinner or on a date. |
|
|
|
The problem is I do care about appearance. I take care of myself physically and dress appropriately. I feel nothing for her physically and we never have sex, because I was always the initiator. |
|
|
|
I've tried to get her to exercise, and she doesn't want to. We tried hiking and because she is so out of shape she turned around after 15 minutes. I don't know what to do. I'm too young to live in a marriage where my partner doesn't care about appearance or sex. ","Has she had her hormone levels checked? Maybe its perimenopause. You should gently suggest that she speak with her Ob/Gyn about it since HRT can help with mood and energy, and help keep aging bone strong. Frame it around health and longevity rather than appearance.","Have you had a very frank discussion with her, and while a couple of doctors say she is okay, maybe you have not gone to good ones, or ones that are appropriate for this diagnosis. She needs to see a mental health professional, and a good and qualified one. Failing to perform basic hygiene practices is NOT normal. |
|
|
|
Acts of intimacy are normal and healthy in marriage. Your wife needs to be made aware that you love her, but have needs that are not being met, and you are not happy right now, and want to know why she does not want to be intimate with you. This may help her recognize that she has lost confidence in herself due to her appearance, or that something is not right with her mental health and she needs help.
|
|
122, |
|
|
|
The fiancé is not only abusive towards my gf sister but he has cursed out there mom and threatened there little brother (12m) in the past year or so. He threatened my girlfriend because she refused to watch their 2 yr old after he had got into an argument with her sister. He told her in a text message that “I will slap the shit out of you and your bf bitch, fuck you and everybody around you”. And proceed to block her number. We did not see him for a very long time until recently the sister invited us to their 2 year olds party. |
|
|
|
At his daughter’s party I did not speak to him the entire time. He spoke to everyone but me. Party ended and we didn’t see her sister and him again until Memorial Day. Even after the disrespect the mom decided to invite him over because she is a “forgiving Christian woman” as my gf would say. The entire time at the house, this guy did not speak to me neither once did he even look my way. We all sat at the dinner table and ate and he was very quiet..almost like he didn’t want to be there. I can tell he felt really uncomfortable. Eventually it ended and we didn’t see the fiancé and her sister again until their older sister’s birthday party. And again he spoke to everybody but me. He doesn’t even talk to my gf really, he just say “hi” and that’s it. |
|
|
|
Couple day’s ago, my gf sister randomly invites herself and her fiancé over with there toddler. Our kids are pretty close to each other. My gf said “No” she would not like them to come over because she does not like her fiancé, she said her sisters entire attitude switched from happy to offended. I don’t speak to this guy at all and he does not speak to me either. And the sister knows this but still seems to be forcing a relationship , that will never exist. Her sister is oblivious to his actions. She always uses phrases like “the past is the past” and she and him are good at playing victim too. |
|
|
|
I can’t control who is at their mom’s house but, I can control who I am around and who comes into my home. I find it very disturbing how the sister overlooks his behavior and does not address him at all about his behavior. Are the sister and the fiancé worth addressing? Any advice?","Screw them. I would just explain to the sister that saying things like ""the past is the past"" is how abuse continues and you don't need to feel uncomfortable in your own home. I'd say you love an support the sister but can't have that man around imagine what he could possibly do to your child!",You and your gf are right to instill boundaries. Don't let him into your house. He is violent.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
146,"Cringe (or redundant) things men put on their dating profiles. Also, what would you rather see on their profiles? ",“No drama”,"These guys on ig have a funny, scary accurate series, “Guys on Dating Apps be like” that really captures the full cringe of men thinking they’re being witty or unique when they’re really unwittingly showcasing themselves to be empty tropes |
|
|
|
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8Uif0yMAzZ/",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
132,"So i struggle a little with following up on girls making a move on me... either because i believe they are just being friendly or because i do not want to seem creepy. |
|
|
|
I'm a 6"" tall Caucasian bachelor from germany in my early 30s with good career and fitness and i would say, overall attractive. On occasions i am being approached by women who ask for things or just strike a conversation with me. I am now finally smart enough to understand that this is indeed a sort of ""invitation"" - (took me way too long to figure that out, i know...) |
|
|
|
Anyway, i am a timid person although not shy at all... but i can be socially a little awkward. Even when they obviously flirt with me or make excuses to touch me, i am not quite sure how to respond. Apparently, i have never had a healthy role-model if it comes to ""boundaries"" and what sort of ""risk"" is appropriate to cross them. |
|
|
|
Its totally different once we get to know each other however and have some thing going already... usually its absolute smooth sailing from there.... i do not get there a lot though because i believe i am being too ""respectful"" maybe. Does that make sens? |
|
|
|
As a ""successful"" man reading this - i would just love some general advice on how you do it. |
|
|
|
I am open about my feelings more often than not, in a healthy, communicative way. Other than that i would identify as stoic. Not sure if this actually a thing that turns women off or on... probably depending on the girl tho. I am mostly dating women in their mid 20s and keep respectful distance to divorced women or single-mothers. I would like children of my own but am fine with casual relationships.","if the invitation is there, you just need to flirt back, and exchange the info be it numbers or social media. then plan to take them on dates. dont make it too complicated","This...struck very close to home for me. |
|
|
|
30M, CPA, making decent money with much the same hang-ups. |
|
|
|
Couple things, |
|
|
|
1. consider therapy. I believe everyone can benefit from therapy and it might help shed some light on some things you haven't addressed. This is especially helpful when it comes to setting and figuring out your boundaries. I've been in therapy for 2 years (30M), and it's been a slow process but I feel like I'm more aware of things affecting me, and have some more tools to help. |
|
2. If someone initiates physical touch, mirror it. If they touch your arm, touch theirs and, maybe, escalate a little. Touch further up their arm, move closer and see if they pull away when your legs touch. |
|
3. If you think someone is flirting, smile and make eye contact, see what they're reaction is.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
124,"is the saying “once a cheater always a cheater” true or it really depends on the situation? |
|
","I would say it depends on the situation. If you've cheated more than once, then you may just be a bloody cheater. Because cheating is not something that happens by mistake
|
|
150, |
|
|
|
We set up another date and then she ended up cancelling at the last minute. After that, I told her I was interested in her but it seemed like she had lost interest, so I was going to move on. |
|
|
|
She said that she was in a ten year relationship which ended around 4-5 months before I met her. She had mentioned a past relationship during our second date, but I didn’t realize how long it was or how recent it ended and didn’t want to pry into the details at the time. |
|
|
|
She apologized for not being more upfront about it and said that she thinks I’m nice and interesting guy but she realized she’s not ready to date anyone at the moment. |
|
|
|
I told her I understand and asked if she wanted to go for a casual walk sometime not as a date. We ended up doing that and she thanked me for being understanding of her situation and said that we’d have to get to know each other as friends for now. |
|
|
|
I realize that there is no standard timeline for recovering from a breakup… and even though she’s said she’s interested in me, it’s hard for me to trust it with all the emotions I’ve experienced since I met her. |
|
|
|
I’ve tried to go on dates with other women, but I’ve been distracted because I’m thinking about her instead of the woman I’m on the date with. |
|
|
|
I feel very stuck at the moment. I’m not sure if I should keep talking to her and inviting her out to do things casually or just move on… hence the Reddit post. Any recommendations?
|
|
105,"I met this korean guy online who never had a gf. We have been txtng all day everyday for 4 months now. We met once in korea and we did it, and he is coming to my country next month. He is very sweet to me and is really like a bf. But when i told him i liked him, he said he just wants to be friends. Now he is becoming less sweet but is still texting me all day everyday. What do i do? Do i let go of my feelings to keep the friendship? He said i was his bestfriend","when you say you did it, you mean sex? dude just wants be friends. treat him like one if you want to be one but dont invest anything beyond that bc he lives in another country too","If he said you were his best friend and you slept together, that sounds suspicious to me. Sure you can stay friends but since you already have feelings for him, you'll constantly think ""what if"". Good luck",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
109,"my ex broke up with me 7 months ago saying she wasn't feeling the spark anymore (she didn't cheat). As we were friends from the childhood (not homie type, just good friends), after breakup she tried to stay in contact as friends. i ignored her most of the time because i needed recovery. |
|
|
|
She contacted me after 2 days of the breakup asking how i was doing, i just replied good and ignored her. She tried to initiate conversations many times like she went on a movie,what were my plans on a festive day,she had exams that she was worried about etc.I ignore all of those. I have muted her from all of my socials but she always reacts to my posts and stories to this date. |
|
|
|
I can say that i have moved on.But the thing is that she was really a good girl. Now i am having this feeling that maybe i should talk to her if she wants to get back with me again. Until now i was mad at the fact that she was the one who showed interest in me 1st, so I don't care about the current so called friendship that only she wants to keep,it is gone anyway. It won't hurt me if she says no, but I dont wanna have this feeling of regret that i never tried to get her back. Now advice me people :"") ","If you ask she'll say no. She'll know that leaving you was the right decision. You have respect to lose or gain, drop that girl.",There’s no harm in trying.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
126, |
|
|
|
He gave me the impression that him and this female friend talk every day and are very close to each other. Now I fear that they may have had something, or that him at least had feelings for her. I don't know if I should ask him about this or not... I don't want to be the replacement because he could not have a relationship with her due to the distance or something else. I don't want to be that. |
|
|
|
What should I do? |
|
",You have spend quite a time with him now so you should just go and ask him and if lies you would be able to identify that just checkout his behaviour while give him the question and when he replies it. This would be a fast process but it's a trick and works most of the time,Why does it matter if it was 1.5 yrs ago? He already told you he has only slept with 1 person which was not this person. She is lesbian so probably not interested in sleeping with your bf. Are you just worried about him being so emotionally connected to another person? Nothing he has done matters unless you have trust issues or insecurities that will cause you mental distress over him being friends with another woman. Keep in mind half the world is the opposite gender.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
159,"I just randomly found a bra I don’t recognise under mine and my partner of 10 years (30m) bed and am freaking out and don’t know how to proceed. |
|
Part of the problem is there’s a number of possibilities besides the obvious it could be. |
|
|
|
1. It might be an old bra that i had forgotten i had. It does seem to fit me but I have no memory of it at all and it’s not really my style. |
|
2. We had someone house sit for us a while ago and I think his girlfriend stayed over for a bit, so it could be hers. |
|
|
|
My partner is away until tomorrow. How do I confront him and figure out what’s going on? |
|
|
|
","Ask the friend if his girlfriend is missing a bra. If it's a good one, she will want it back. If it's not hers, then ...?",House sitter seems plausible. Investigate that first.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
107,"needing advice: I (M21) have had a thing with one of my friends (F21) in the area nothing serious just some flirting and playing about. id been working up the balls to ask her out officially but before i could she told me she was moving away for UNI and that she had found a Boyfriend to move in with. because of this we never really talked and we kinda grew apart. |
|
|
|
recently she told me that she\`d broken up with the BF and had moved back because she was finished with UNI. we had got back in touch and the flirting has escalated into almost phone sex levels. however again before i could progress our relationship she went quite. now she was always slow to reply but now i\`m being left on read and it seems like she wants nothing to do with me. |
|
|
|
i cant stop thinking about her to the point i\`m not interested in other woman but she doesn't seem to feel the same. i cant even talk to her because shes ignoring me. |
|
|
|
","Hate to tell you, but you’re not the only one she is talking to. She’s weighing her options. She reached out to see where you were in your personal life so she can keep you on standby for when her ego needs a pick me up . She dangled that “phone sex” carrot to keep you interested, and you bit. Been there, done that. You are not a priority to her, but another option. DO NOT prioritize this girl. You deserve better.","You are plan B. Hell, maybe C or D. Block her. It may sound overkill but you will never be able to have a platonic relationship with her, she will always try to drag you into the ""almost boyfriend zone"" be cause that's her power move. Block, forget, move on. You're only 21 dude. Trust me, interest in other women will be back in no time.
|
|
140, |
|
|
|
So basically I was wondering if I should just straight up text her “hey do you like me” bc honestly it’s kinda just driving me insane to think about. Or would that be weird and potentially risk giving her the ick lmao. |
|
|
|
95, |
|
|
|
I was okay with it and started dating again. I found a serious guy and things are going well, we went on a few dates and he is looking for a long term relationship. My ex fwb must have heard about him, idk. But he texted me tonight..asking if we can talk. He regrets the things he said and is open to more. |
|
|
|
What do I need to do now? This can't be true. Is it normal to change your mind when you find out she is dating someone else??? |
|
|
|
The new guy is serious and safe (but I was more into my ex fwb). With my ex fwb I'm feeling like, what can I expect now again (while tbh I'm head over heels about him). I would like to explore things more serious with my fwb. |
|
|
|
Advice about this please. Has anyone ever been in such a situation? Or has anyone ever been like my ex fwb?",[deleted],Please dont go back! Alot of times guys do this because they don’t want anyone else to have you! He’ll probably say anything and do everything to get you back but please stick with this serious guy!,Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
152,"Basically the title. We had a long talk last night and one of the things he brought up was that he’s slightly less attracted to me now because I’ve gained weight. He referenced a picture he sent me a week ago and said my face looked different now (I assume he means it’s just not as sharp, I have noticed my face looking puffier too). |
|
|
|
When we met I think I was around 115-120 pounds. But now I’m about 135 pounds at 5’3”. I feel conflicted because I have a history of disordered eating and I know I’ve gained weight. I can see it and feel it in my clothes. But yet, I’m happy or the very least accepting of my body and glad with how my life is. And I told him this. I also listed other benefits of my weight gain: I’m no longer as cold even during the summer, my hands and feet aren’t cold all the time either, I have a little shape to my body now too. |
|
|
|
I understand that attraction isn’t something someone can control. My boyfriend treats me great otherwise. He didn’t tell me this begrudgingly but he brought it up in a kind way. But I don’t know how we can navigate this. I told him that I’m not at an unhealthy weight, I think I’m finally not underweight for my height. I’ve had a stressful last three years, and it’s going to be more stressful soon because my mother will be going through chemo (this information he does not know). I know I could tone up to look better but honestly it’s not my priority at the moment. |
|
|
|
I’m surprised that I’m not totally heartbroken by his confession. Instead, I see him slightly different now because my weight gain cause this change in him and that worries me more. I want to have more follow-up conversations but what do I say? How do I spearhead that conversation so our relationship won’t crumble from this? |
|
","I get what you’re saying but I would never feel safe with someone this shallow. If a little weight gain can make him less attracted then what about pregnancy, illness, ageing etc? That would be my concern. |
|
|
|
I also had disordered eating and Im also 5’3. I’m now just under 150 lbs and used to be 140. I look after my diet well and I exercise but I would never actively pursue weight loss again. Only health. ","He’s 31 and behaving like this about you gaining weight even though you’re still in the healthy range for your size is making you less attractive to him? No leave now. You have to put yourself first especially with your history of disordered eating. As other commenters pointed out, what will he be like if you ever get pregnant?",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
103, |
|
|
|
I know its not an issue of him not being attracted to me because when we're together he's all over me but it just doesn't make me feel so great when I know most other guys his age would probably show more interest in them. |
|
|
|
He's also not uncomfortable with receiving them or anything like that. Just wondering why he might be reacting like that or why he doesn't seem to like them? ",Probably he just doesn't want to cross any boundaries by screenshotting them,I actually do not want nudes of anyone I'm dating. Some guys are just not into it.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
155,"I 49/F was asked by a friend 32/F to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I was actually her boss for a few years and we developed a close friendship that has continued for many years along with some mutual friends. She looks up to me and I love her to death. I reluctantly agreed to be in her wedding which is 9 months away. There are 10 bridesmaids. The talk of the bachelorette weekend is happening (big group text) and I truly don’t want to go. They are all significantly younger than I am, I’m quite introverted so staying in an Airbnb with 10 girls does not sound fun and the maid of honor who is planing is is a very high maintenance control freak so I’m already envisioning how this is going to go. I don’t think my friend would be upset if I didn’t go but I also don’t want to disappoint her. Should I just suck it up and go or should I regretfully decline? ","She has plenty of time to find someone else with 9 months notice. Plus, 10 bridesmaids is ludicrous. I would suggest you graciously bow out from these activities and let her know that you believe this is best left to the younger members of the wedding party, and that you simply aren’t comfortable with these activities at your age. Tell her you absolutely want her to have a great time, but you will not be joining in. Honesty as soon as possible is the best policy.",You should go. This is her wedding and she wants you to be a part of it because you're her friend.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
112, |
|
|
|
About a month before his proposal, I found a letter that he wrote to his EX-EX girlfriend (31F) saying how sorry he was, he misses her EVERYDAY and the biggest mistake he made was not realising how happy they were. Long story short, he was seeking ways to get back together. I confronted him, he said he wrote it at the start of our relationship and he forgot about it. It looks like drunk writing. |
|
|
|
He has over 3000 pictures on his phone and they pops up very often, I don’t even have to look for them, they are just around. That’s why he misses her everyday. I’m not strong enough to ask him to delete all the pictures because I know I have no right to do it since I already ask him to unfollow her on Instagram (don’t want to be reminded all the time big data pushes her to me). This little chapter happened and has become an underlying issue in my head that she is his true love. if the girl sees a chance to be with him again in the future, what decision is he gonna make? He is with me just because I’m here and I seemed like a right choice for wife? |
|
|
|
If I’m 10 years younger, I would just walk away, easy. What should I do, it’s a life decision to make. |
|
","So he basically was saying his BIGGEST mistake in life was not staying with his ex? Oh lord…I’m gonna hold ur hand when i tell you this, no man that has moved on keeps THREE THOUSAND pics of an ex. This should’ve been figured out before planning and perusing marriage!!! You shouldn’t even have to tell someone you’re dating/getting married to to unfollow an ex. Especially one they’re clearly hung up on. He did you a disservice by not healing before perusing you. At this point i wouldn’t put it past him to have gotten with you, hoping he’d get over his ex. Is he with you because you’re “good enough” and he doesn’t have his ex? Is he pushing for marriage because he’s almost 50? He can love you and be a good man while still having a desire for his ex unfortunately. Do not go through with a wedding without being 100% sure it’s what you want and your soon to be husband isn’t wishing he had his ex in the picture. (Which will inevitably create problems in the future) If he could propose before moving on i don’t see him all of a sudden or quickly moving on now. You have some things to rethink and should start by talking to him.","Walk away now! It will be much harder in 5 years when he will be treating you like shit because you are not his ex. You can't possibly be and whatever you will do - it won't be good enough. |
|
|
|
Very unfortunately men like to marry good women to make them jump through the hoops to cater to their needs. Just so you know, the second his ex will move a finger, he wilk be there at the speed of light. |
|
|
|
Leave now and find someone who is head over heels for you.
|
|
136,"My(31 F) partner(47 M) and I have been dating for a little bit over a year now. We got engaged (unofficially) 2 months ago. Some of my family and almost all of my friends now about it, he said he will tell his family closer to and when we have an actual wedding date. My OH, has a 7 yo son from past relationship which he spends time every school break-I have been seeing and spending time with his son as well those times his son is with us as we also have been living together like 10 months now. So my partner told me he was going to tell his son about us getting married, and I was nervous but then excited that he was going to tell this important event to one and if not, to the most important person in his life. Fast forward, he hasn’t already told his son yet. So I opened this up last night about me feeling insecure about us my partner said his son and I gets along well, he thinks there wouldn’t be an issue and he said 100% this has nothing to do with us but all to do with the timing to tell his son. Well a week ago, he casually asked his son hey son do you want us to be together in a long time? And his 7 year old said yes. So as much as I want to be understanding, I really don’t see why he couldn’t just tell his son hey, well were getting married. The last thing my partner said to me last night is that he wants to be 100 sure as he cant take it back. Uhmm I think to me that’s more to do with him being unsure about us and has nothing to do with his son? Thoughts?","When you say “unofficially” engaged, what do you mean?", |
|
|
|
Yes, his child is about to become yours once your married. |
|
|
|
But this is a situation he is navigating with his child. I think you should give him a bit more faith as he's trying to do it in a way that he considers best.",Not Relevant,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
125, |
|
|
|
I’ve been with my partner for 4 years now, living together for 3 1/2 years and we’ve worked a lot on ourselves to get to a really healthy and good relationship. |
|
|
|
What bothers me is that I feel like it takes so much mental work to focus on myself everyday. I feel like I am super dependent on what he does/when he’s around and the only time I ever feel in control is when he’s out of town and I have our place to myself. That’s always the time when I feel like I am getting a total glow-up (working out, having a routine, cooking & eating healthy) |
|
|
|
I’ve grown up with a mother who gave her whole life up to „built“ her husband and be the woman behind. She is to this day pretty unhappy about her life choices and I try to always remember to not live and burn for somebody else. |
|
|
|
I also was recently diagnosed with adhd and high functioning autism, he has adhd (not sure if this matters). |
|
|
|
Another important thing to add is that I’ve felt like this with every person I’ve dated/been in a relationship so I think this is a me-problem. |
|
|
|
Does anybody have advice/thoughts on this or similar experiences? I want to live for myself, I am in therapy and will address this topic, but right now I just feel lost and could use some perspective.","You may benefit from making yourself a weekly schedule that purposefully includes 'alone' time to pursue with your own friends or hobbies. Feel free to put this schedule up in a shared space, too. You might also consult with him on when you want to schedule date nights/time together (such as dinner + an hour before or after) so that you two have specific time you know will be spent together, and then you are free to schedule whatever outside of that.","Relationships aren’t all the same and sometimes they’re not for everyone. Maybe you’d be fine in a relationship with someone who also strongly values their “me” time which balances out everything. Maybe you’re better off not being in a relationship at all. |
|
|
|
If you believe the relationship is fairly healthy, all things considered, and you’re feeling this way, it may be time to discuss this with your partner. Let him know you need more time for yourself. Get his response and see where things go from there.
|
|
81, |
|
Am I wrong to feel that he’s not that into me as surely he could spare an hour for a coffee date in that time ","yeah when i hear that line from women (these are women with no kids ) who say they wont be available for the next few weeks, i dont really take them too seriously.","Hey, people got lives and he could also be seeing other women. |
|
|
|
If he wants to see you, he’ll reach out.
|
|
117,"I’m going to try my best to explain my situation here, so sorry if this is very long. I (20m) have been talking to this girl (19f) for a few weeks that I met at work. We seemed to get along very well and eventually we went out to a coffee place one day and we stayed for a few hours and I felt it went well. However, that day she did tell me that she is bi, which isn’t a problem, I just didn’t expect it, and I have never talked to anyone who is bi before. I am saying this because I feel like it has an effect on the current situation. A few days later we went to an MLB game together and she told me afterwards via text that she had a lot of fun, and I said I did as well. We never actually put a label on the times we went out, I have no idea what she thinks of me or if she saw those as dates or just 2 friends hanging out. I was afraid to break the touch barrier because I don’t know what she would do, I thought about it, but I didn’t, she wasn’t dropping any obvious hints. We were talking about going to Six Flags together in the coming weeks, and I messaged her a day later to talk about that because I did research about it. She usually takes kind of a while to respond so we were trying to figure it out over the next few days and then she just stopped responding to my texts the other day. However, she still snaps me (half/full face pics) and has been doing it for a few days now. I haven’t seen her in person since the game, but I think we both work together this week a few times so I’ll see her then. Is she avoiding talking to me because she’s unsure about what to do? Is she slowly pulling away because she thought I would make a move? I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, I need advice on what to do. I would prefer a relationship, but I am totally ok with just being friends if she doesn’t want that because I think she’s a cool person. When I see her this week I’m planning to just talk to her normally. I just wish I knew how she felt about this whole thing. Any advice would be appreciated. Shoutout to everyone who read the whole thing. ","Just off the title, it’s all bad", |
|
|
|
If you see her at work maybe ask her out, walk up to her when she is not busy & say “ I enjoyed myself last time with you, would you want to go out Friday?” |
|
|
|
Here is my point ….. if you don’t do anything you will never know or you will always wonder. Just take a deep breath & be yourself, be direct and follow with the above. |
|
|
|
No matter if she is BI you can still ask , worst case she say that she is not interested but at least you know. |
|
|
|
Best of luck 🤞 to you, always stay positive and always take any opportunities or chances that you deem positive in your life. |
|
|
|
44 years of knowledge on this earth as a human man & yet I still am hopefully for humanity.
|
|
94,I am 25 and i dated with many guys. Finally i got person who really loves me and he thinks I am virgin. What i need to do? Advice me? Shall I told my past things?, |
|
Be honest, or you aren't even worth his time, and he will eventually figure that out.",Why can't you be honest and tell you are not a virgin ... to a guy who really loves you? Why is it that not telling him the truth is even an option?,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
84,"My boyfriend is currently on a family vacation to a place I’ve longed to visit for years. We’ve been together for nearly a year now, and he’s told me serval times how much he doesn’t enjoy going on family vacations and in fact, hardly ever does. This time around I was told he’s being forced to go as his mom booked his flight for him, and like idk. That genuinely pissed me off. I guess I’m jealous? His family is very close knit and come from a well off place, whereas I’ve got no siblings, don’t speak to my aunts or uncles and cousins, absent father, etc. and have always been very lower class. I’ve been busting my ass for years to get to where I can take vacations out of the country for myself, but with inflation and everything going on now it’s very hard. |
|
|
|
Anyway, I just I don’t know how to feel. The family always invites his sibling’s partner and they go on family vacations, but I didn’t get so little as an invite which has me wondering if I’m even liked by the family, or they just know I can’t afford it. (Idk which hurts most lol) and then I guess I’m just fucking jealous. My boyfriend wasn’t happy to go which made me more angry cause he sounded so fucking entitled. God forbid he has to go on an all paid vacation with a loving family to a GORGEOUS place on this planet, you know? |
|
|
|
I’m trying to be my normal loving self to him and talk to him like normal. He says he misses me while he’s out there and is telling me that he will do his best to send me pictures and stuff to make me feel like I’m there with him, and while it’s sweet and so considerate of him it makes me more angry. |
|
|
|
What should I do? How can I be pretend to be fine and message him like normal when deep down I’m VERY unhappy? I love this man with my whole entire heart, and wish him the best. I genuinely want him to have fun and enjoy his time out there, he deserves it. What can I say or do to not ruin his trip? I don’t want to show him how I’m feeling cause it’s not fair to him. |
|
|
|
(For the record, yes I spoke to him about this months ago when it got planned. I told him I was jealous and angry and apologized to him for feeling that way. He was super understanding and got my point of view and I thought that was that. But now that it’s here, now that it’s actually happening and he’s there, everything flooded back.) TIA","You seem to understand that your boyfriend is not in the wrong which is already one step in the right direction. Oftentimes, Redditors look at the situation from an ideal perspective and expect you to be healthiest version of yourself, but at the end of the day, we're all just humans and need some constructive - rather than destructive - advice. I also face this problem in my relationship, and I'm sure a lot of people on here have. Don't worry, you're not alone. A good way with working through jealously, especially in a relationship, is by keeping yourself occupied and forcing yourself not to fall into the trap of self-pity. You are also gifted and blessed in many ways, it's just harder to see this when the people around you seem to have it better. God knows how boring these family vacations might be for your boyfriend or maybe his family criticizes him or there is obvious favoritism - there are several reasons why your boyfriend may hate this trip and if you were in his exact position, you would probably hate it too. Grass is always greener on the other side - staying busy will help you only focus on your grass! |
|
|
|
|
|
Likewise, it's always important to communicate your feelings to your partner so that they are more understanding of you and open communication is always important. Obviously don't make it his problem, but if he is truly understanding (as you said he is), he will help you feel better! |
|
|
|
I hope you work through this!
|
|
151,"Been talking to a guy for a couple weeks and have plans to meet, we share some kinky tendencies. He recently asked if he could say something creepy and I said try me! He said he’d like to make out/grab the ass of 18 year old me. I’m 40f and he’s 41m. I didn’t know how to respond and now I’m definitely creeped out. Would this be a deal breaker for you if a guy said it to you?",I mean....yea did say try me!🤣,The guy said he would like to have seen you in your prime. He could’ve used a better age. But it’s not the worst thing he could’ve said.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
120,I need to go over this man and continue with my life. What’s the best way to forget about him and stop the urge to text him? , |
|
|
|
Instead of texting, write down what you would say on a piece of paper |
|
|
|
Afterwards, rip it up |
|
|
|
Rinse and repeat |
|
|
|
I don’t recommend attempting to cope with substances or another person. All that does is stall your healing. You’ll be miserable for much longer
|
|
143, |
|
|
|
It’s not an age gap at all, but i’m just shocked. He’s a bit weird too. I think i’m going to “end things”. |
|
|
|
He said that he lied about his age because “old people” like him get rejected a lot due to their age. What? |
|
|
|
if he lied about his age, he can lie about anything else |
|
|
|
I’m pretty upset right now, not going to lie. |
|
|
|
whatever though. I feel like ghosting him. he even said, “don’t hate me, please” |
|
|
|
such bullshit… |
|
|
|
EDIT: but should i just ghost him, block him and move on, or just say goodbye to him? |
|
|
|
2nd edit: Damn, this blew up. i ghosted him, but I might send him a goodbye message tomorrow or the next day. |
|
|
|
I’m just upset, because I really like the way he was/is. Except for the fact that he’d want to talk about sex mostly all the time and would ask for nudes often. 🤦♀️ “i can’t wait to fuck you” “i’m going to destroy your pussy” “i want to have you with me already” “once i have enough money, i’ll fly out to see you” “Even if we don’t connect i’ll still gladly live with you so we can be friends with benefits” |
|
|
|
he even had the audacity to say “since everything is going well between us, i must admit that I don’t want any lies between us. so the truth is, i lied to you about my age. i’m 33” 🤦♀️ ",He’s probably not 33 either.,"If I were in your position, I'd send ""Lying about your age is a deal breaker for me. We won't speak again"" and block him
|
|
83, |
|
|
|
Well I(21F) met this guy(21M) through a mutual friend, and it's been only three days since we started talking to each other and we haven't met in real life yet. On the first day of texting, he kinda seemed nice and sweet, but out of nowhere he asked me if I could be his forever and if we could make this journey together to which I told him that we should slow down as I didn't want to rush things up. |
|
|
|
And after just two days, he texted me that he loves me a lot, misses me, and wants me so badly which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. We are not even officially dating yet, and he's already asking if I would leave him by any chance. |
|
|
|
This really made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Is this normal, or am I right to feel uneasy about this situation? Is it a red flag? |
|
|
|
Thanks for your advice!
|
|
154, |
|
|
|
So I’m trying to find him but I’ve got no idea how I can search him up. Yea, I can ask him, but I just know that my simple questions can easily turn into arguments because he can’t ever simply answer and reassure me. So I want to look him up on my own. But it’s hard on here because his name, nor any other names show up 😩😩.","Look very closely, become a fly on the wall. This is stemming from distrust, but sometimes when someone is secret about things it makes sense to not trust them. I hope you're able to find him. |
|
|
|
Or talk to him about it 🤣🤣",It’s me babe,Commentator's opinion,Sarcasm,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
114, |
|
|
|
I liked this guy and he liked me back which means he matched me, but no text. Am I supposed to text first? Does it matter? The app is hinge btw |
|
|
|
And why the heck are people blurred on apps like bumble and tinder? If they like me and I can't see anything about their profile then I'm not going to like back..but is that how it's supposed to work?",">Does it matter? |
|
|
|
It does not.","so it doesn't matter who messages first on hinge. You can message first or you can wait for the guy to message first. However, I don't see any harm for you to message first if you're really interested in him. As for the blurring on Tinder and hinge, it's done on purpose to get you to pay for the app. The business model of those types of apps is that they want people to get burned out by having to swipe continuously, so that you give up and pay to see who's already liked them. Hinge and FB dating are the only apps that I know of where you can see who's liked your profile.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
133,"I'll try my best to explain, so I had a interest of sorts in my partner for a good 2 months before I got asked out, the problem is looking back on it now I don't know if it was romantic or not. I have always been a bit of an emotionless person for as long as I have known and the few emotions I have felt I never really understood what they were. But despite that I said yes when I was asked out. And at first I didn't sense anything off about how I felt until my partner talked about joining me in my plans for the future i.e moving to a different country and such. I felt really apprehensive/strange about it, though it didn't seem out of character since my partner is a very affectionate and overall genuine soul. So a bit later my partner and I had a film date and he was hugging me and kissed me on the cheek. This made me very awkward because I don't like physical affection, I used to be really bad and especially around hugs, I had a friend hug me once and I physically felt repulsed/shivered and then afterwards I felt like throwing up. Then my partner and I were messaging and they mentioned missing me and wanting to see me soon again, I couldn't because I was jam packed and had no time. A good while later they mentioned it again and made a dramatization of just how much they wanted to see me. And I realized at that point that I didn't feel a need to be around them like that and that I was ok with not seeing him for extended periods of time because messages were good enough. With this realization, I came to have another one and that was that I don't think I feel anything when I look at them while they look at me as if I'm their world (as some of my observer friends said). I wanted some advice so I don't prolong a relationship that just has someone putting all their love and effort into it only for it to not be reciprocated no matter how hard I try. The thing is I don't want to disappoint him or the people who care about him.","Just break up, you're clearly not interested in the same kind of relationship.",Stop delaying the inevitable and just break up with him!!,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
93,"Hi, me 23F have been dating my bf 23M for 5 years now. Recently, everything has been great and I was prepared to move in together until I finally learned the truth. At the beginning of our relationship, he cheated on me with his ex who at the time was 23F and he was 18M. For years, I alway had my doubts but he made me believe nothing happened between them. He was still in love with his ex and talking to her almost daily the first two years of our relationship Whenever I asked if he ever cheated the answer was always ""why don't you trust me? Why would I ever cheat on you?"" We've been through so much together and I wholeheartedly love him but I'm stuck. Do i break up with the man who has lied and manipulated me these past 5 years? Or should I stick around hoping he'll change and we can move last this? This was probably the third biggest lie I have encountered in the relationship but I'm holding onto hope and the love I have for him. I don't have anyone in my personal life to talk to about this so any advance is helpful. Thank you |
|
","So he cheated, lied and gaslit u for 5 years and ur wondering If u should stay with this asshole?","The *third* biggest lie ? What were the other 2 ? |
|
|
|
I wouldn't put up with being lied to.
|
|
115, |
|
|
|
It sucks when the distance isn’t that far but far enough where we can’t be intimate with one another. The only thing we can do is book a hotel room but that becomes costly. Any advice on where else we can be intimate at that won’t be costly? |
|
|
|
(I feel like an obvious answer is our car but we never hang out late enough to have privacy sooooo)","Weekend camping trips at the state/national park nearest the halfway point? |
|
|
|
Hiking on secluded trails. Secluded beaches. Places without cameras/lots of foot traffic. |
|
|
|
At some point, you're either going to have to get a place together, or introduce each other to your parents and broach the subject of sleepovers. Are your parents ever not home?","🛑🛑🛑🛑and listen to this clearly. **DO NOT DOING IN THE WOODS/HIKING TRAIL/BEACH/ANYWHERE OUTDOORS THAT IS NOT COVERED!** If 1 single person sees you and reports you, you will be charged with lewd act in public/public exposure. **It’s better to not have sex at all than to end up on the sex offenders list.**",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
118,"She broke up with me a day ago, and I know it’s normal to be feeling physical and mental symptoms from the breakup. I think the only thing keeping me from imploding is the hope I have that she might come back. She said that the reason we broke up was because after I was gone for two weeks, she had the realization that she missed me more like a friend than a boyfriend, and that she had been feeling like that for a few weeks now that she looked back. She was having panic attacks the day and night before we broke up, and she said it was partially because she was thinking about breaking up. She said that she didn’t feel the deep comfort level that she feels people like her close friends and that it is something that somebody either feels or they don’t. She said that I deserved better. I thought we were going strong and we had even planned to see each other twice this coming week 2 days prior to the breakup. It caught me very off guard, as I was starting to let my guard down from being hurt when I finally started thinking about the future with people. We dated for about 2 months and a little over a week. We are both entering our senior year of high school. I also feel like we were just getting out of the honeymoon phase, but I don’t think she is experienced enough in relationships to understand that as I was her first. We were both crying on the call when we broke up. I thought we actually could’ve been something. Is there any chance she will change her mind? If there is a chance, how long should I hope for her to text me again before I send out my own hail mary(I will no matter what for my own peace)? Or should I even see if we could meet up in person for some in person closure/reconciliation attempt(we live ~45min apart)? |
|
|
|
Extra: When she broke up with me I didn’t try to save the relationship or reason with her. I was just in shock and accepted it while spilling my left over feelings.","Leave her alone. She has told you she no longer wants to be with you and she's told you that it was really hard for her to have the break up conversation with you. |
|
|
|
You need to respect her decision and don't contact her.","This is going to be a tough pill to swallow but you need to be thankful she had the courage to break up with you. So many people nowadays just start cheating when things aren’t working out in their relationship. She was brave enough to let you know how she was feeling. If you really love her, you have to let her go. Send her a text and tell her how much you enjoyed your time together, and that you won’t forget it, and that you wish for her happiness in the future. Thank her for giving you a chance, and tell her how meaningful it was even though it didn’t work out. And after that you need to move on my dude. Don’t hold out hope, you’ll just hurt yourself. This stuff’s never easy. Everything will remind you of her, you just have to let go. Find someone new and think about what you can learn from this experience. Best of luck dude!",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,evaluation
|
|
131, |
|
|
|
I’m feeling conflicted and although he’s extremely remorseful, the idea of it all just makes me uncomfortable and sick. Keep in mind they also paid quite a bit of money to get this done. I don’t know if this is bad enough for me to break it off because I do truly love him and he has never given me another reason to not trust him.","Dude, if he's willing to risk his relationship over a handy, it ain't worth keeping him around. You're too young to deal with this trash. Rat him and his bros out and walk. I don't know what other reason you need to not trust him. It isn't like cheaters always give a litany of reasons. They just cheat. Lol.","Breakup and rat them all out. |
|
|
|
They knew what they were doing. |
|
|
|
Actions have consequences and this will happen again if you let it slide.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
87,"I live in an apartment building, where lots of people get along and approaching neighbours isn't unusual. Some people go for a smoke together etc. I have had few chats with like, 3 people I think. One of them has knocked on my door asking for a matches, for example. |
|
|
|
So few days ago in the evening there is a knock and I assume it's someone asking for a salt or something like that. Opened the door and there is a guy I have talked to briefly twice I think. Absolutely nothing flirty or sexual, not even close. |
|
|
|
Without any intro, he asked if I want to have sex. I am very reserved and introverted and tend to get into freeze mode when I'm shocked. So I just stared and he kept saying something. Finally I managed to say that I don't do that, I don't sleep with strangers. I mean, yes, I could have said no and slammed the door shut, but that is what my brain thought is appropriate to say. He sayd something else and I think he said he would go for a wash and come back later. Again, I just stood there, trying to understand what the heck is going on. He left and I closed my door. Tbh, I was quite shocked. |
|
|
|
He actually came back, several times to knock. I said nothing, just hoped he would leave. |
|
|
|
I will see him again, he lives here too. What can I say the next time I see him? I find it very difficult to talk to people and only do it if someone approaches me in a friendly and safe manner. |
|
|
|
I want to make sure he gets the message that this question was extremely inappropriate, harassing and I am not interested. |
|
|
|
Tldr. Neighbour I don't know very well knocked on my door and asked if I want have sex. I panicked, he left. What to say hi when I see him next time, so he would understand this is unwanted. ","This is extremely inappropriate, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I dealt with a similar situation and here’s what I did. Alerted the property/ leasing manager immediately. He has probably done this to other women. Delivered a written letter under the guys door saying that was inappropriate, unwarranted, and told him to never speak a word to me again. I told him if he passed me in the hall, just ignore me. No words are to be exchanged. Idk what warrants a police report - in my situation there was nothing I could report. But this was effective for me. He never spoke to me again. Consider moving if he doesn’t leave you alone. Nothing more important than your safety","If its (understandly) uncomfortable and difficult for you to talk to him about it in person, then maybe put a note through his letterbox.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
|
|
86,"Hi! :) |
|
I’m 25 F, and I have had the worst luck trying to find a partner. I have had one serious relationship (3 1/2 years) which ended a year ago. I really only use dating apps (Tinder, Hinge, Bumble) because going out is hard for me since I have bad anxiety and not many friends. The last three or four guys I’ve talked to have ghosted me or had started texting less and less until it was nothing. I don’t think I’m too bad looking, I have a stable job, my own place, I think I have a good personality, kind of funny, and I’m very independent. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or how I can fix it. I’m getting super discouraged and would like any advice anyone can give! I’m not desperate, but I really just want someone to start settling down with and give love to (which might sound weird or stupid lol). Again, any advice would be appreciated! Thanks for reading :) ",Why did your serious relationship end?,"Without seeing how the texting went, really hard to pinpoint to an issue. AS a male, this has happened multiple times---started texting with someone, it was going well, and suddenly, gone. Never knew what really happened. I even showed my texting to my female friends and they were also baffled as to why the other person stopped texting, other than, she found somebody else. On my last venture on dating apps, took me about 1.5 years to find my current gf. There were some discouraging times, but kept on trucking as they say. Maybe as the cliché says, gotta keep on trying, being patient and soon, you'll have somebody. In fact, the woman I'm seeing now...of all the dates I had, it was the least likely I thought to have actually developed into something. First date went meh, and we jus kept in touch to make fun of online dating, but kept on doing some activities together until i guess we realized, this is not too bad...let's date again....😀
|
|
156,So I met the girl online and I know thay have a thing for me and I've been iffy on how I show affection twords them and I thought I could like them back but no matter how much I try I just don't feel any emotional connection with them what do I do cuz their a good person and I've tried to like them back,"If you don't feel any emotional connection at all, then you should just tell the person that you don't think they are the right person for you without going into a lot of detail. Yes, it'll hurt them regardless of what you say, but better to end it decently than keeping someone on a string since it isn't going anywhere and they'll get over you and move on in a short time so don't hold back letting them know. You'll do both of you a favor by admitting the truth about how you feel.","Hey, so this just isnt clicking
|
|
|
