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For quick context purposes, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've been sober for 4 years. I used to love day drinking -- basically waking up in the morning and drinking right away.
 
One thing that helped me kick the juice is drinking O'Doul's in the morning. It's a habit I haven't really broken, and with being said, I bring a 6 pack of O'Doul's into work every morning and drink them at my cubicle. For those unaware, O'Doul's is a non-alcoholic brand of beer.
 
I have a handful of coworkers that find this offensive. I won't call out anyone individually, but I've heard comments like "I wish I could crush a 6 pack of beers at work" or "I guess it's 5 o'clock in InternationalArt's world" or "The rest of us are working hard while InternationalArt's over there treating this like some sort of frat house party". I've also been told I "reek like beer", and I've even heard people undermine my sobriety by saying I still have a problem and that "drinking non-alcoholic beer doesn't make it any better".
 
I was recently brought into a meeting with HR and notified that some employees had issued complaints against my "behavior." I was frustrated because no one yells at Diane for drinking 8 Diet Cokes a day, yet here I am in HR's office. I was politely asked by my employer to leave the O'Doul's at home. I'm having an issue understanding why this is a problem. AITA for drinking O'Doul's at work? ###### | YTA, but not for using a nonalcoholic beer as a stepping stone for getting sober (if it’s with your sponsor’s support/approval). Nonalcoholic beer REEKS like regular beer. You are actively making your office smell like beer every morning while drinking a full six-pack, which also makes other employees super uncomfortable. ###### |
Hi so I need to explain some stuff first... basically my (14f) little sister (6) and her friend (4-5?) play with stray cats in the neighborhood that they've named and made up stories about. They say the two "main" cats (one who's meant to be a cat engineer and the other one who's a cat doctor, so like our parents minus the cat part) are married to each other. Well both of these cats have very visible male parts so when my sister told me a story about their day I asked her this: "don't you know they're both boy cats?" and first off she said they aren't, then I kinda explained to her they have parts boys have (she knows those basics) and she started crying and saying I'm mean to her and making up lies. She told our parents and they were furious with me for provoking my sister (I didn't want to provoke her I just thought it was funny) and they said I'm the older one and I'm supposed to support my sister not put down her creativity. So AITA? ###### | YTA, but not for that reason. I’m disappointed that you don’t support gay cat marriage, OP ###### |
Me and my girlfriend work for the same company, in Treasury. We sometimes bring some work home and finish it there since it’s much more peaceful. Last night was one such day and she was working on a tax computation. A couple of hours in she says “I’m such an idiot” I so obviously asked why. She says that she realised that she had done that part of that calculation a few days back and now she’s three quarters of the way doing it for a second time. I though this was funny and laughed and cracked a few jokes. She laughed too. Then a few minutes go by and she calls herself an idiot again. I asked her what it is this time. She says nothing and it’s about what happened. Then again calls herself and idiot. Theirs keeps on going for a few minutes with increasing creativity on the way she calls herself foolish. I keep trying to tell her she’s not but she’s not listening to one word of it. At this point I kinda lost patience with it and kinda snapped at her saying “Could you f***ing stop? You’re not an idiot.” She falls silent. Like dead silent with tears in her eyes and walks out of the room with her laptop. She didn’t speak to me for a couple of hours and later she tells me she was scared of me. I’ve never raised a hand against her or hurt her physically or screamed at her. So what do you think? AITA?
Edit: I heard you. I took her out for lunch from work today. I apologised. I admitted that I should not have reacted this way. Her answer was to kiss me. I really don’t deserve this girl. She is an angel. ###### | YTA, but not for telling her to stop verbally abusing herself, but for yelling at her.
You might not be aware of this, but she might have experienced verbal abuse/screaming in her childhood or past. That’s why she might have (over-)reacted like she did.
I am talking from personal experience that might not relate to your girlfriend, but I have experienced verbal abuse in my childhood that makes me very sensitive to screaming.
Still, you should never scream or raise your voice to a loved one, although your intentions were good. That’s why YTA. ###### |
So this has been getting to me still, months after it happened. I (20F) decided to get a boob reduction over winter break before going back to school in January. I have had back issues since I was a young teenager and my health insurance finally covered it (USA). I did not tell my bf of 1 year about it before or after I had it done. He only found out about it after I came back and was spending time at his apartment.
He was confused at first and when I told him that I had gotten surgery to have them reduced, he was upset that I never told him. He says it's not about the size, but that I had gone through major surgery and not told him anything while we were apart for a month.
AITA for keeping him in the dark on the issue? I was afraid of him trying to talk me out of it, so I didn't say anything beforehand. I feel like I had every right to not tell him, but I have doubts. We are still together now and it's not an issue (especially considering we have been apart for months now), but I still think about it. ###### | YTA, but not for getting a reduction, or not asking his opinion. He has no say in the issue. However, you are the asshole for not telling him you were getting a somewhat medically significant surgery. If something had gone wrong and you had been seriously hurt or died (especially if you had to he put under general anaesthetic), he would have been left entirely in the dark. That is pretty fucked up. ###### |
This happened a few years ago. I was at a waterpark with a few friends for my birthday. It was a group of 15. We all planned to just pay for ourselves and have a good few hours, but one of my friends decided he would pay for everyone as a gift to me. I tried to talk him out of it but he insisted on spending nearly $600 so no one else had to pay.
A few hours after, we all decided to congregate near the food court and get something to eat. The friend who paid for everyone's admission didn't order any food and instead thought we'd all share with him. Some people gave him a couple fries, someone bought him a drink, but I didn't want to share my food. I had a burrito, how do you even share that?
Upon hearing I wouldn't share, he got cold and left the waterpark early. I actually haven't spoken to him since then because he removed me from Facebook.
This is a situation I think about often when I'm laying in bed. Was I in the wrong for not sharing despite him spending $600 for the group? It was my birthday, why should I even share? ###### | YTA, but it was a weird situation that you had not had time to process.
You could have bought him a whole meal and still come out ahead of where you would be if you paid your own entry to the waterpark. ###### |
A while ago I took my family on vacation. We went to a casino, and I gave each of my children $50 to use before using their own money. My son lost all of it, but my daughter actually won a minor jackpot and walked away with a couple thousand dollars.
Last night, my wife showed me an Instagram picture of my daughter, who apparently now has a huge, ugly tattoo on her leg. I called my daughter to ask her how she managed to afford that, since rent in her city is high and she’s saving for grad school. She said she used the money she won at the casino.
I admit I was upset when she told me that, because I gave her the $50 she used to win. That’s my money, I just let her keep it. And she knows exactly how we feel about tattoos. We’ve told her multiple times that she’s not supposed to be getting any more tattoos. So finding out that she used MY money to get ANOTHER tattoo was upsetting for us to hear.
She was under the impression that offering to pay me back the original $50 makes it her money to be used however she wants. I told her no, it’s still my money, and since I don’t approve of what she’s spending it on I expect her to give me back however much her tattoo cost so I’m not the one paying for it. She hung up on me, and hasn’t answered any of the texts I’ve sent her since. She also hasn’t sent the money back.
I think I’m in the right, but when I told my brother what was going on he called me an asshole. So, am I really the asshole here? ###### | YTA, big time!!!!
1) if your daughter is old enough to gamble, she’s old enough to make the choice to get a tattoo. Respect her bodily autonomy.
2) you said it yourself, you GAVE her that 50 dollars, therefore, it is now her choose to decide what to do with that money.
You sound miserable to be around. ###### |
My brother and my SIL are having a small wedding party, about 10 people, because of the virus. Everything is planned out nice and socially distanced.
We were discussing it when I (26M) mentioned that my partner (25X) (non-binary) might wear a dress.
My partner is non-binary, but has masculine features including a beard. Not a large beard, but a short one. My brother shrugged and said ok. And I didn’t hear anything about it.
But now I got a text saying that it’s going to be a “family only” party; no partners. I’m suspicious that they’re just trying to exclude my partner because of their outfit choices. Because of this, I’ve decided not to go at all. I know I won’t have any fun without my partner there.
Yeah, my family is great, but everyone else will be there with their married partners, which are allowed because technically they’re “family”.
AITA for deciding not to go? ###### | YTA, because you've only been with them 9 months. ###### |
As a bit of background. When my son was 17 he came out to me and my wife. I accepted him but my wife didn't this lead into a big argument between him and I vs my wife that almost ended physical. It ended with me and him packing our bags in moving in with my parents for a while. After 2 weeks she and I had a sit-down and we talked alot and I managed to convince her to change her beliefs about gay people and slowly she became better. I begged my son to please come back during those few months but he refused even after his mom apologized multiple times. When he turned 18 he moved out of my parents' house and went to live with his boyfriend. He blocked BOTH of our numbers and everytime we'd ask someone else for their phone to use he would just hang up. Eventually we both gave up but we made sure he was okay through regular social media stalking.
Now he's 22 and he actually contacted me a few months ago. We've hung out a bit and we've really reconnected and we got in touch again. Turns out he was working 2 jobs and doing college on top of that just so he could afford supplies, an appartement and food. Then his mom came into conversation and he refused to see her again. I really tried to encourage him to do so because she's become a way better person. Eventually he told me the real reason why he was here, it was for me. He told me that I had to choose between my wife or him because he would not tolerate having a dad who's married to the person who made his life miseral. I told him that I was neutral but he told me that it was either him or not him. Eventually I told him I love both him and my wife and he left. AITA? ###### | YTA, because you don't seem aware of the choices you are making.
You are not neutral. You are standing by your homophobic wife and encouraging your son to talk to her.
You say she got better but it doesn't seem like your son agrees given he still chose to leave. Listen to your son's story and experiences. ###### |
My (43F) daughter (17F) and I got in an argument about this today and we are at an impasse. She suggested we post here to see who is right and I thought, hell why not. Could be an interesting little experiment.
Here is my side:
When out and about, I am very honest when people ask me how I am doing or how my day is going. Whether it is the cashier at the grocery store, the bank teller, a neighbour, my kids' friends or boyfriends, their parents, etc., when they ask me how I'm doing or how my day is going I give them an honest answer. Sure, this sometimes means that the answer is negative, but I feel like if people don't want an actual answer, why would they ask in the first place? I pride myself on my honesty and on telling it like I see it, so I see no reason to be dishonest when asked a direct question.
My daughter's side:
My mom doesn't get that people ask this out of politeness and not because they actually want to know how she is. The grocery store cashier making minimum wage is just trying to do their job and doesn't actually give a shit how every customer is doing that day. It's a formality, and the thing to do is say "Good, you?" and move on. Also, she goes into way too much detail about what exactly is bothering her, has started crying at cash registers, to my boyfriend and friends, to anyone really when she is having a bad day or is stressed out, and doesn't see that this makes people uncomfortable who were basically just saying hello and hoping to move on with their day. It's really embarrassing. Also 'priding herself on honesty' is just a fancy way of saying that you don't care about being mean to people, imo....
So, Reddit, AITA? Does my daughter have a point, or am I right in saying that if you're going to ask someone how they are, you should actually mean it and should want and expect an honest answer? I would never ask someone how they were doing if I didn't genuinely want to know, and didn't care about the answer. ###### | YTA, because it *is* polite small talk, and because there's a difference between saying, say, "I'm beat, it's a long day," and having an emotional breakdown at your waiter. There are limits and boundaries to friendly politeness, and it's a huge imposition to expect a stranger to play therapist while they're trying to do their job. Expecting every person on earth to be prepared to drop everything in the blink of an eye to shoulder your emotional burden for you is incredibly selfish and short-sighted.
I'm hoping that this particular post is fake, but I've met people like this, and they are *exhausting.* They're impossible to deal with in professional settings, and they tend to make very bad friends, because they mysteriously never seem to get around to reciprocating the kind of consideration that they feel entitled to. If anyone reading this sees themself in the mom, please, reflect on it and consider making whatever changes will help you manage your emotions better. It might be hard work but it's worthwhile work. ###### |
I adopted my daughter in 2011, when she was 9. I’m an elementary school teacher and she was actually a student in my class at the time. She’d come into school clearly distressed most days, but would always insist she was fine. I couldn’t take it anymore and called CPS on her parents, and fought her custody of her and adopted her a year later.
About a month after her adoption, I had news that her biological dad had gone to prison although I wasn’t told what for, and that her biological mom was headed in the same direction. I told them when I first got her that if they ever wanted contact they’d have to be clean of drugs and decent people regardless of what age my daughter was.
About six months ago i received a message from my daughters biological mom on Facebook telling me she’d really got her act together and wanted to see her daughter. My daughter is now 18, and is a happy healthy and incredible teenager. She’s been in therapy and is doing amazing, and even though her bio mom claims to have her act together, I don’t want to allow the possibility of having her hurt my daughter. I ignored the message and blocked her.
Last night my daughter came to my husband and I and said that her bio mom had messaged her. I confessed to her about the message her mom had sent me and she was seriously upset. I tried to comfort her but she pushed me away and said that she thought she could trust me to always be honest with her. I thought I was protecting her but my husband says I should’ve told her. AITA? ###### | YTA, as an adoptee I would want to know if my bio parents were trying to contact me. Also she is 18 she is an adult, treat her like one ###### |
My MIL is married to a man who was born in Iran and they go once or twice a year to see his family. They have a daughter who turned 13 the other day and MIL wished her a happy birthday on social media. She included a couple of pictures and in one of the pictures, MIL and her daughter were both wearing head coverings. That bothered me, SIL absolutely has the right to wear one, but MIL is white and i felt like she was using it as a fashion statement, and kind of showing off.
I sent her a private message that i felt like she was appropriating her husband and daughter's culture, and this was her reply: "Their culture? You mean the culture of not wanting to go to jail, because it is illegal in Iran for a woman not to have her hair covered? Yeah, i suck for not wanting to get arrested, and my husband is Jewish dumbass, so that isn't even his culture. Fucking unbelievable"
Ok, i looked into it and she is right, she was following a law, and it is a religious thing, not just an Iranian thing. My husband says i should apologize, which i find ironic because he doesn't even like his mother. I said i would only apologize for my mistake if she apologized for how incredibly rude and condescending her reply was. ###### | YTA, and you were rude to assume she was appropriating a culture instead of either doing your research or minding your damn business. You owe her an apology and YTA double for refusing on a basis of her getting offended by your offensive statement
Edit: and I love that you needed to say "technically wrong." You were wrong in every way. Not just that she was legally obligated to do it, but wrong in that it's none of your business and you need to stop judging people. ###### |
My gf and I are redoing our roof deck which has involved seeing a lot of spiders today. Every time my gf sees one she gasps. She’s always been afraid of spiders and I know this, but her gasps make me think something more serious is wrong.
My gf is also kind of a jumpy person. Anytime I open a door too loudly or enter a room she’s in without her hearing me she jumps and gasps. Her reaction to spiders is the same.
So, I guess I clearly showed how annoyed I was with her because she asked me why I was rolling my eyes at her. I told her that her reaction is like 10 times worse than it should be. She walked back downstairs and left me to do work alone on the roof.
I came downstairs and asked if she was mad at me and she said that she doesn’t like that I made her feel about being scared of spiders when she can’t control her reaction.
I didn’t say anything. I went back to the roof because this feels like such a dumb thing to apologize for. I don’t want to say I’m sorry about this but maybe I should. Idk.
AITA here? ###### | YTA, and very ignorant of psychology. Fear of spiders is a trait that is hard wired in some people, and it has nothing to do with moral worth or strength of character. Being jumpy when someone silently approaches is in a similar vein.
Stop tellinlg her to be someone else. If you don't want to be with someone who is jumpy and grossed out about spiders, break up and find someone else. But if you LIKE youtr girlfriend - leave her alone about this. You can't change her! ###### |
This happened a few hours ago.
My parents are divorced. Throughout quarantine I (M17) have spent most of my time in my room when at my mom's (F46) apartment. I go down to the living room/kitchen area a few times a day to get food and see what's going on with my mother and sister (F15).
Today I hadn't eaten all day, so I went down to get lunch. My mom was sitting at the table and appeared to be wearing no pants. I asked her if she could please put some pants on because she is in the living room. She said that she won't because she's in her bathing suit. We do not have a pool, nor was she getting ready to go to one. She was just sitting in the living room in her bathing suit which was revealing as most bathing suits are. I told her very clearly and calmly to please put on some clothes because it was making me uncomfortable, which at this point it was. She proceeded to gaslight me, aggressively telling me that I should be fine with it, that it isn't a big deal, and that she's going up to her room in a bit anyway. I then went to get myself some food, and as she was still just sitting there, I started to get angry because of my discomfort and asked her again to go up to her room and put some clothes on because I was seriously uncomfortable. It has been about 5 minutes at this point, and she gets up and starts yelling at me and continues the gaslighting. As she goes up to my room, I tell my sister that "I won't accept that kindof bullshit". My mom overheard this, told me to get my stuff, and drove me over to my dads place. My sister later mentioned that she had also asked my mom to change.
The way I see it is that if the roles were reversed and my dad did the same thing to my sister, my mother and many others would be absolutely furious, and that my mother has no right to treat me the way she did after I specifically told her I was uncomfortable with what she was wearing in the living room. Am I just overreacting? AITA? ###### | YTA, and that's not what gaslighting is. ###### |
I love my (27m) wife (30f). I do. But this greatly annoys me.
My wife decided on a whim about a year ago that she wanted to learn Spanish. We didn't have money for lessons, so she borrowed a Spanish textbook and some kind of dictionary with pictures of objects labelled in both English and Spanish. Made a ton of flash cards, tried to drill at least 50 new words every day and learn a piece of grammar.
It takes up so much of her time and she chatters about it a lot.
Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of her. It's cool that she can read and write in Spanish now (she can't really speak or understand it when it's spoken).
But people keep praising her when it inevitably comes up for "teaching herself Spanish" and she doesn't deny it.
I pointed out that she didn't teach herself Spanish. Even with 50 words a day she still has a long way to go, it's misleading to say she taught herself Spanish because it implies she can communicate fluently. Even if it wasn't misleading, even if she was fluent, she didn't reach herself. Textbooks, dictionaries, and Mexican guildmates online taught her (when she asked for clarification sometimes).
She didn't say anything when I brought this up. Just kind of wilted. But her friends keep glaring at me whenever we meet and they called me a jerk when I brought it up. It's like when you tell a kid Santa isn't real. Like "don't burst the bubble." But the bubble is *fake.*
AITA? ###### | YTA, and I'm depressed to think how much the contempt you have for your wife has probably tainted her life. She's learning Spanish on her own, her fluency is growing, and all you can do is split hairs until you feel she's been put in her place. That's fucked up; the appropriate response to your partner accomplishing something is support and pride. I don't know what's wrong with you that all you want to do is cut her down. ###### |
I (34M) have been spending a lot of time with one of my friends during this whole situation. We both work in the same field and became much closer due to our common struggles right now. Friend used to come over once or twice every week, and we would just play video games or drink and talk or something. It was a nice stress reliever and we both had fun.
My wife, though, dislikes this guy intensely. She would always be cold towards him and never wanted to join us in anything. Believe me, I tried to involve her but she would only sulk and go hide away in the bedroom.
A few days ago, she told me that I should no longer talk to this guy because she thought he was 'creepy' and that she was getting 'odd vibes'. Odd vibes? What? She barely spent enough time near him to say hello before running away.
Apparently, he was 'being weird and making her ubcomfortable' and she wanted me to stop associating with him completely.
I told her in the nicest way that honey, he's not interested in you. My friend is very good looking and my wife doesnt even compare to the caliber of women he can get. I know he's not sexually preying on her or anything, he's just a friendly talkative guy and maybe he liked the challenge of getting my wife to like him. Anyways, it was all innocent and I explained to my wife that she needs to stop accusing people of serious things like that without any proof. Shit like this ruins lives.
I was even open to meeting with him someplace else if she feels that strongly about it( though it's my house too and I dont think she gets to make unilateral decisions about who's invited and who isnt) but no. Now she's mad and isnt talking to me, probablt trying to guilt me into giving in. I dont want her to get the idea that she can police my friendships ( I never interfere with hers) and I'm not backing down. But she's been really sad lately and I dont know how much of that she can fake. AITA? ###### | YTA, and I'd be willing to contribute to a kickstarter funding her divorce from your disrespectful ass. ###### |
We really empathize academic excellence in our family.
I have three kids (16M,14F, and 13M). My older son is taking 4 AP classes for his junior year and also is Vice President of his Science Olympiad team.
My youngest son is a great coder and started an app development club at his middle school.
My daughter, however, is exceptionally rebellious and difficult. This year, she ran away from home and was gone for nearly three days. She fell behind on schoolwork and got all Bs and 1 C when previously she only got all As.
Every year before school starts if my kids get all “A”s their previous year I take them out to eat at a high end restaurant and gift them several hundred in spending money for back to school clothes.
This year was no different except that the was the first time my daughter didn’t have all As.
My wife was pressuring me to take my daughter too, but I was against it because this lunch was to reward my kids for getting all As. I didn’t get why I’d take the kid who didn’t get all As- it would negate the purpose of the celebratory lunch.
I get that this year was hard for her, but she made it hard on us too. And I’ve been there for her, yet rewards are to incentivize my kids to keep achieving to the best of their ability.
AITA? I ended up only taking my sons and giving them gifts. ###### | YTA, and honestly, a straight A student suddenly running away and getting bad grades? Are you trying to find out what happened to her to make her take a nosedive? Something very bad could have happened to her that you don’t know about. Can you imagine she was assaulted in some way or has someone torturing her in school, and then you treat her like a failure by excluding her?
Don’t do this again. ###### |
So we’re a month-ish into school now (I’m a sophomore), and in history class, we were all paired up to do a group project. The people in the group were (it becomes relevant) two Indians (including me), one white guy, and a black girl.
After the class, I was talking to some people who are in that class, and one of them told me that he was pretty sure the groups were assembled according to the grade you have in the class— each group gets one person with an a, one with a b, one with a c, and one with a d or f. That way, no one group is OP or something.
I thought about it, and it made sense to me. I don’t know everyone’s grade exactly, but I did generally know who was doing bad or good, and each group seemed to have a balance, so even if it wasn’t as much of a strict formula as my friend said, the teacher did divide is generally based off how well we did.
We all were speculating who the D/F students were, and I said it was probably *insert name of the group member that was black*. I know I have an A, and I know she isn’t doing that well— the teacher always makes everyone participate in class by asking them questions, and whenever he asks her, she’s behind or has the wrong answer. Both the other members of my group seem to do alright, so it’s a reasonable assumption that she’s the one with the bad grade.
I explained this, but someone got pissed and said I just thought that because she was black instead of asian or white. It wasn’t that deep, really— she just is bad at history compared to the other two, so I said she was likely the one with the worst grade. Has nothing to do with race.
AITA? ###### | YTA, and honestly so is anyone who discusses or makes guesses and peoples grades.
Care about your own grades. Everyone else’s is **non of your business** ###### |
I (17f) and my friend/on & off boyfriend (18m) are both huge pranksters and we usually pull stupid pranks on one another. I am white and he’s Native American. He’s got long hair down his back. The other day I was spending the night at his house and thought it would be funny if I tied his hair around those metal bars on his bed frame. I kept shaking him roughly to wake him up and it took me like 20 seconds. He started trying to get up and began dreaming out. I told him what I did with his hair & at first he laughed then asked me to untie it. So I tried but I couldn’t get his hair loose. I didn’t know what to do so I woke his mom up and asked her if she could help. She couldn’t get it either. My friend started crying when his mom came back in the room with scissors. She had to cut his hair & its now neck length. They were both severely devastated and I didn’t see the big deal because it was just hair. He forced me to drive home at like 2 am. It’s been a couple of days and he still hasn’t spoken to me. He told me his hair was a huge part of his culture & I told him I don’t understand what I did wrong because it was just a prank that went bad on accident. I was just being a kid. That’s what kids we do, we do stupid shit. I didn’t mean for it to go wrong nor was it my fault that his hair go super tangled due to his continuous tugging and pulling. ###### | YTA, and a very immature one at that. You behaved like a 5-year-old. And it *is* your fault since *you* were the one that tied his hair up. ###### |
I have two sets of kids from two marriages. I have three kids from my first marriage (all teens) and currently two from my second (1 and 3).
When I originally set up my will after my first three kids were born, I split some property I own three separate ways so that each child gets roughly 70 acres of land. I have since revised my will to clarify that it is my intent that my children from my second marriage be excluded from receiving a share of this property so that my first three kids are the only ways to get a part of it.
I have provided for them in other ways, but I did not think it was fair to my first three kids to split the property further when they had already been told by me that they would each receive a 1/3 share and because that was what my late wife and I had decided was right.
I never told my wife that I didn't plan to revise my division of the land until recently.
I explained to her my logic, and she thinks I am being unfair to our children since all would still have 40 acres if we divided it by five. She seems to really be hung up on this even though our kids are still provided for in my will.
AITA for refusing to split the land with my youngest children? ###### | YTA, after update.
(data received, they ain't): _Are_ the second set of kids being provided for equally? If so, - your land, your choice.
Speaking from personal experience, when there's a will and multiple families involved, there's _always_ going to be someone who's pissed off. ###### |
For context, I’ve been close friends with this person for 7 or 8 years. I’m not going to give his real name for anonymity’s sake, but I’ve been calling him an abbreviated version of his first name, the equivalent of calling someone Mark instead of Marcus or Nate instead of Nathan, for most of our friendship, like many of our other friends including some of his relatives. In the past few months, he’s suddenly started correcting me every time I use the abbreviated form of his name. It’ll go something like this... Me: “Hey Mark, do you want to drive tonight or should I?” Him: “It’s *Marcus* and yeah I’ll drive.”
Obviously it’s not a huge deal for me to just call him by his full name, but it’s a hard habit to break and I don’t understand his reasoning. The abbreviated form of his name has no negative connotations as far as I know, and it’s a widely accepted and very normal name.
To me, calling someone a by an abbreviated name or nickname (unless it’s a derogatory or belittling one) is a sign of familiarity — almost a term of endearment — showing the closeness of a relationship or friendship. So when he asks me to use his full name, it feels needlessly formal, like he’s holding me at arm’s length or trying to craft a more serious persona for himself that must be adhered to by everyone.
I would understand much more if he was making a huge life change, like a trans woman embracing her identity by choosing a more fitting name for herself, but this is nothing like that.
Am I the asshole for being irritated by this?
TLDR: My longtime friend suddenly insists that I call him by his full first name instead of a shortened version and I don’t understand why. (Eg: “Marcus” instead of “Mark”) ###### | YTA, address them the way they want to be addressed. I have the reverse issue (people call me my full-multi-syllable name, rather than my nickname) and its annoying.
You get to decide what you get called, not what you call someone else. ###### |
A few hours ago, I read this post on the teenagers subreddit where a person was angry at his sister for shaving his head for tiktok. To be honest I feel like he was overreacting but all the comments were saying mean things about his sister calling her an asshole and stuff and this made me feel bad because I also did something similar to my brother a month ago. I am now making this post because I am wondering if I was in the wrong. Anyways here is the story:
A month ago I was playing truth or dare with my friends and one of my friends dared me to shave my brothers head bald and record his reaction. The challenge seemed funny and I was dying to see his reaction so I accepted it and did just that the next morning.
I go to my brothers room with the shaver and start shaving his head. Honestly I didn’t manage to shave everything because he immediately woke up and started screaming. I started laughing but then when he became really hurt I stopped the recording. I kinda felt bad because it was supposed to be something funny but he was really upset about it. Not only was he upset but when my parents came into the room to check what’s going on he STARTED SWEARING ME IN FRONT OF THEM CALLING ME A BITCH, SLUT, ETC. and I was really hurt by what he said. I understand that he might not have found the joke funny, but that doesn’t mean you have to swear me like that and he did get punished for it. My friends and parents also told me that he overreacted so I stopped feeling bad.
My brother never apologized to me for calling me these words nor did I apologize to him but we did start acting normally again so it’s not like we are still upset. Today I went and asked him if he regrets calling me all these nasty words and he told me no and that I deserved every single insult he gave me. I got mad and went to my room after that. Was I the asshole here?
I am planning to show him this post and your comments if he is the asshole because I still want him to give me a genuine apology. ###### | YTA, a prank is something where both parties can laugh after its done, by shaving his head you get a laugh and he gets no hair ###### |
I'm 31, my GF is 30, my dog is 3. We have all lived together for almost 2 years now. 95% of the time my dog is a sweet and goofy boy, a little high energy but really funny and I love him. 5% of the time though, he can be a real dick. He tends to get jealous of me and will nip other dogs who try to get close on occasion. He has also nipped people hard enough to draw blood on several occasions, including her. This mostly happens when they are making quick movements or loud noises towards me, I think its a protective instinct.
I didn't take his training as seriously as I should have until recently, but I am really trying to make progress with him, and I absolutely have. He is not perfect yet, but he is so much better than I feel like she is giving him credit for. He is still not 100% trustworthy but I have spent thousands on his training and am really trying.
She has never liked him and has said some variation of 'him or me' on several occasions, but this week she has actually made plans to move out. Currently she is basically telling me this: "You need to choose between him or me." When I told her I couldn't make that choice because I love both of them very much, she made it seem like I was reducing her to nothing better than a dog, and that I was putting the hard decision on her, and that I obviously don't care about her at all.
AITA for refusing to make this decision? ###### | YTA, 5% of the time is a lot of time for your girlfriend to be dealing with an aggressive dog. It sounds like you aren't seeing it because the dog is never aggressive to you but your girlfriend is probably feeling unsafe and on edge around the dog basically the whole time, since it can get aggressive any time. What a terrible living environment. I'm really shocked that she stuck with you this long. She waited two years for you to train your dog and you haven't done it, of course she's leaving. ###### |
My wife finally succumbed to cancer after a three year long battle.
As her spouse, I had to take responsibility of her body. However, though we were legally spouses, for the last two and a half years my wife and I had been living apart. I had my own separate loft while the kids (13F,12F,10F) and her stayed in the house.
My wife was not lucid for about a month before her death. As such, she had no ability to write or even dictate her will.
In addition, during the past year I have found love again with my girlfriend (29), and she expressed that she was uncomfortable with me practically building a shrine for a woman from another relationship.
I was also uncomfortable reliving memories with a woman who, for many years, was the cause of a lot of emotional trauma for me. All her insults and put downs made it impossible for me to stay in the house. In addition, a funeral will probably be fraught with tension from her side of the family.
Therefore, I made the decision to donate her entire body to science and signed off on all the papers.
Immediately my daughter notified the people on her side and they said that I was violating the Greek Orthodox beliefs she had held throughout her life. She demanded I try to reverse my decision but I said I couldn’t do that.
AITA? I feel funerals are for the living and it wasn’t like I was not contributing her body to a good cause. I also do not know what exactly my late wife would have wanted for her funeral since she suddenly became unable to communicate. ###### | YTA,
>I feel funerals are for the living
She has a family and 4 kids. You aren't the only one who is grieving her.
>I was also uncomfortable reliving memories with a woman who, for many years, was the cause of a lot of emotional trauma for me. All her insults and put downs made it impossible for me to stay in the house. In addition, a funeral will probably be fraught with tension from her side of the family.
So don't go? Or go with the children, and don't speak.
>In addition, during the past year I have found love again with my girlfriend (29), and she expressed that she was uncomfortable with me practically building a shrine for a woman from another relationship.
Can you elaborate on "building a shrine"? ###### |
This is sort of a throw away account as I wouldn't want this getting back to my wife.
I am from Canada and my wife is from Korea. We met in Korea, and decided to get married in Korea.
Part of the ceremony in a Korean traditional wedding is bowing to your parents. Now, I am not talking about the bow your head or bend your body 20 degrees bowing style, but a kneel on the ground, full on forehead to the ground type of kneel.
We are also Christians, and where I come from, with my belief, that type of bow is a type of worship. And actually, within Korean traditional culture, they admit it is there also as a type of worship as well as showing respect.
I refused to do this bow since it conflicted with my Christian beliefs. My wife was super pissed at me and thought it was too disrespectful to her parents, and her parents felt that I wasn't giving them enough respect. I explained that there is give and take when two cultures connect and marry and since I was willing to do everything else their culture asked, they should be flexible on the bow.
Eventually they relented, but it soured my relationship with my in-laws.
AITA for not giving in and bowing? ###### | YTA-you chose to get married in the Korean way, you should have done it completely the Korean way. That's not a great start to your marriage pissing off the wife and the inlaws. ###### |
I have a complicated relationship with my 17yo son. We were exceptionally close when he was younger. He has mainly lived with his mother since the 8th grade, but asked to stay with me because he doesn't get along with her boyfriend who moved in. The drama at their place is sickening. She and her boyfriend fight over anything and everything. Big and small.
I have remarried and have a 8yo son. My 8yo worships the ground that my 17yo walks on. It's nice to see that while I don't have the best relationship with my 17yo, that he and my 8yo are close.
My 8yo had a family birthday party and wanted my 17yo to attend. It was so important to him. My 17yo asked why would he go since he's now living with us. The day of the party, my 17yo was MIA. I texted him that we were waiting for him and he never responded. It devastated my 8yo. My 17yo came back late at night and I asked him where he was. He said there was issues at his mom's and he went to deal with it and forgot about the party. I reminded him that he moved in with us to get away from the drama so I didn't understand why he was going back. But point aside, he really hurt his brother by flaking out on his party which was important to my 8yo because none of his could come due to the quarantine.
My 17yo just mumbled "oops" and I told him to get the fuck out if he didn't want to be a part of the family. And I am serious. ###### | YTA-he’s still a teenager and you are an adult. Teach him by example. IMO you made an emotional, easy , knee jerk reaction by telling him to get the fuck out. Teach him that we all make mistakes, including you, sincerely apologize, and make amends. Don’t expect him to keep his side of the street clean if you can’t keep yours clean too. Now is the time he needs a strong male role model and you created him. Try being in his shoes. Teach your sons about forgiveness, not mercilessness, be the man you want them to be. ###### |
I applied for a nursing course and had to do an interview, I'm a 22-year-old guy going back to school after an abusive relationship with my High school girlfriend. I had an interview yesterday and it was going pretty well I was acing all the situational questions and I was doing pretty well in most of the general questions as well. Then they asked me about what the greatest challenge I've had in my life was and how I overcame it
I was watching community on the train ride and one of the characters had a backstory of being addicted to anxiety meds or something and when they asked me I went blank and panicked and didn't feel comfortable talking about my abusive relationship since it was deeply traumatic for me. So I said I was addicted to anxiety meds and they acted really sympathetic towards me and I regretted it immediately and felt really bad since I'm taking advantage of the struggles of people who suffer from drug addiction.
It led to argument with me and my sister who had an addiction before and she said I was a huge asshole AITA? ###### | YTA-for being dishonest. Besides if this is real, I'm fairly certain that would disqualify you being a nurse if you truly were addicted to drugs. ###### |
My wife (34) and I (33) are having our second child. We have a daughter (5).
She’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party.
The plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light
up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender.
We went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking.
So flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turn or to be pink for a girl.
I don’t know what came over me but all I felt at the moment was very bitter disappointment. To be honest, all I was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. Or watch him go to Boy Scout camping trips.
I know my daughter is only five, but I’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing.
I grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and I can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered.
My wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said I needed to look happier. At that moment I just snapped. I shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21F) house.
I start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12.
I felt like that accusation was unfair and that I just needed some time alone. I didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. And I don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded I smile and nod for the next couple of hours.
AITA? ###### | YTA-and I will be calm and explain why. Having a girl does not make you less of a man, and it doesn't make your child less interested in sports.
Your wife is hugely pregnant right now, hormones running rampant through her system, and this was a party celebrating new life that she is carrying. She has spent the better part of a year carrying a life you helped create. Swollen ankles, painful breasts, nausea, vomiting, bone brittlement, hair changing, the list goes on and on. She needed you there, and you left her.
I understand change is scary, and that you've never had to be in close contact with more than a couple girls for an extended period of time. I do take issue with one phrase-'neuroticism.' Girls are not neurotic, and they are not by default more emotional than boys. Your thinking is very archaic, my friend.
You 'didn't ask to be flabbergasted.' You are an adult. Suck it up, buttercup. This is your child and your wife, and you left them at one of the most vulnerable moments. You didn't think it was fair to be asked to smile and nod. Your wife didn't ask for stretched out skin, pain, discomfort, or for the serious agony of birthing a child. She could die from childbirth, so it is frankly a little insane to me that you are calling her 'grumpy' while she's about ready to pop. I get that you don't know what it feels like to be a biological female and carry a child, but I can assure you that being stomped on YOUR most delicate parts with a sharp stiletto heel will pale in comparison to the rigorous demands of childbirth.
Women and girls are not dainty, delicate little creatures who bruise if they drop their lace handkerchiefs. We are firefighters, combat veterans, doctors, EMT's, and the list goes on. Do not do us the disservice or disrespect of pinning us in one hole. We are resilient, strong, and capable individuals who will not wilt at throwing a baseball. I got hit in the face with a softball being thrown at forty miles an hour, and after wiping the blood off my face, I finished practice and went to urgent care for an X-ray.
I could be willing to look past most of this as simple exhaustion, or stress, if not for the way you refer to the women and girls in your life. Your daughters are a part of you. I wish to God my dad was still around, because I would have done anything for that man, for his love. Do not shun your daughters because you wished for them to have a penis. They are as much a part of you as a boy would have been. Frankly, if I was your wife, I would be feeling abandoned and worthless that my husband was so willing to give up on me and my gender because he doesn't think we are strong enough or worthy enough of his love. I cannot imagine how your daughter would feel if she read this post.
I would be gutted if I found out my dad didn't want me because I had a vagina. We went camping together, he taught me how to fish, he taught me basic wound care....I played softball and my brother took apart computers. Why would he want me any less than my brother (who wasn't his biological son, for the record) just because I was born with different genitalia?
I urge you to think on this, and I truly wish the best for you and your family. ###### |
When I was 20 I had a kid with my ex girlfriend.
I was not at all prepared to have a kid and my ex told me that I would either have to step up 100% or to basically fuck off.
I knew I couldn’t be there 100% so I fucked off.
I’m now 40 and recently received communications from my son who is 20 (She named him Nic) and wants to know who his father is.
The thing is, my ex and I have been in contact for the past 2-3 years and she has been giving me some updates on how Nic has been doing and everything. I know that her and his stepfather love him very much and have provided for him and for that I’m very grateful. I never wanted to intrude in their lives and I was happy just knowing that he was loved and cared for.
When Nic messaged me and told me that he recently discovered that I was his father, I told him that I didn’t want to meet him and that his stepdad was more of his dad than I ever was and to just forget about me.
He got upset with me and called me a true asshole and that he just wanted to know who I was. He also mentioned my new family and said that he “feels sorry” for my kids. I told him that it was for the best and that his stepdad was his true dad.
AITA for what I said? I don’t know how to feel about it lately and while I do feel for the kid, I don’t know anything about him and his stepdad raised him. ###### | YTA-
You abandoned your son as a child and rejected him as an adult. You don’t get to make parental decisions about what’s best for him when you’ve never been a parent to him. ###### |
Throwaway cuz said friend uses reddit.
So I’ve known my friend B for about six months now. We met at work and we get along really well. She’s new to our company and from what I’ve seen, she’s a really good worker and fits the job well.
The other day she invited me over to her place for a girls night. I agreed and came over. About a couple hours into the night, she said she was going to drive to the store to get some popcorn and wine for movies. This confused me, as she’d told me before that she has seizures. I asked her about this and she said she’s fine to drive because her seizures don’t impact her consciousness. I said okay, she went to the store, came back fine and we had our girls night.
I seriously didn’t believe her when she said her seizures didn’t impact driving. I’ve seen people have before, they are not pretty, and they certainly impact consciousness. I’ve never seen my friend have a seizure, though I knew what seizures looked like and I knew she wasn’t safe on the road.
So I reported her anonymously to the DMV. A couple weeks later she called me in hysterics, saying her license had been suspended. She was panicking because she needed that license to drive her hour commute to work.
I honestly didn’t know what else to do besides tell her what I did. I told her she shouldn’t be driving with seizures. I told her I’ve seen seizures before and I know that there’s no way someone with seizures can drive. She called me an ignorant a-hole and said not all seizures are so debilitating. Now she’s not speaking to me, and today I heard my coworkers say she’s been laid off.
AITA for reporting her? I was honestly trying to keep her safe. ###### | YTA-
What you say you saw was likely a grand mal seizure, which is only one of many types of seizures. I have never had a seizure, but here is the link to the CDC website about them. [https://www.cdc.gov/epilepsy/about/types-of-seizures.htm](https://www.cdc.gov/epilepsy/about/types-of-seizures.htm)
Not only are there different types and levels, there are also medications to control them. If you were really that concerned, you should have simply spoken to her. By doing this, you likely only paused her drivers license and caused her a major inconvenience until she can get this unwound with doctors notes. The DMV is a terrible system to trap someone in. ###### |
My daughter is 23 and moved back home after the relationship with her baby’s father fell apart. Her daughter is almost 2 and we love having them both here. However, my daughter has always been boy crazy and it has been a problem since she was a teen. She is very immature for her age and has done nothing with her life. She went to college for an arts major and changed her mind. She has only worked at a clothing boutique and that was for a couple of months until she got pregnant. Her ex fully supported her and the baby and she expected to get married until he cheated. We welcomed her back with open arms and don’t expect her to work yet since her daughter is so little. She goes out with friends from time to time and we are okay with that. However, we found out she on dating apps and has been on several dates with different men. Her daughter is so young and should be her main focus. I know she is an adult but I told her if she wants to focus on men instead of her child, she can leave. We now ask where she is going every time she leaves the house and it has caused so much tension. She is mad that we are trying to control her since she is an adult but she is acting like a child. Am I an asshole for controlling my adult daughter? ###### | YTA-- She's an adult, you don't get to tell her not to date. And it doesn't sound like she's wasted her life to me, she went to school and changed her mind about her degree. Lots of people do that. Then she worked in a boutique for a while, there's nothing wrong with that. And then she got cheated on by someone she thought she would marry and was having a baby with. Not her fault at all. So what behavior is it that makes you think she's so immature and untrustworthy? It sounds like she's had a hard time but she's young and trying to figure things out, and then she got blindsided by her bf cheating. You sound very controlling and condescending in the way you talk about your daughter. She is an adult and you need to realize that. ###### |
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years.
I have two daughters (6 & 4) with an ex and a son with my girlfriend (1)
My girlfriend, Vicki recently got a new phone and she’s attached to it almost 24/7 but she works off it so it’s understandable.
I went on her phone recently to text my ex as we were running late with the children and I noticed it was a picture of my children, not even with their brother in the picture just a picture of them and I’ll admit it’s a really sweet photo, my eldest is so awkward in photos but my girlfriend managed to get an almost natural picture.
I find it weird, if it had their brother in the picture then fine it’d be sweet but it doesn’t.
I asked her to change her background picture and after hours of us arguing because in her eyes I’m being immature she changed the picture to one of us at the hospital the day our son was born.
She’s still upset about it claiming I’m undermining her position in the children’s lives but they have parents and it’s me and their mother.
She’s got hundreds of photos of all the children but we usually print them out and hang them up if they’re nice I just think she crossed a boundary especially as we’re not married, they’re not her children.
AITA? ###### | YTA- You have this woman in your life who you have a child with and you think she’s crossing a boundary for having a background of “your” kids? Don’t forget that those kids are also your son’s siblings. They are your girlfriend’s family as well. And if you get upset that she loves your kids like her own then maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship. ###### |
My daughter was in 6th grade a while back and her teacher would grade assignments on expression, grammar and quality. She wrote a poem about Thanksgiving and she got a "B" on expression, "A" for grammar, and "A-" for quality. She was bothered by the "B" on expression and I said, "I think it's because you didn't write you were thankful for family."
My daughter then connected with her former writing teacher and her writing teacher said it was because her rhymes were not very relevant and awkward sounding. We got into an argument and I said, "Yeah, the rhymes are awkward, but any teacher would ding for not saying that you're thankful for family because it's so fundamental." So AITA? ###### | YTA- why would a teacher ding someone for not mentioning family? That’s a very narrow minded way of thinking you have. Teachers have students with very diverse family backgrounds, a lot of students don’t have families or have bad ones. It’s their job not to ostracize their students or judge them. You thinking a teacher will ding someone for not saying something nice about their family just doesn’t make sense.
Also her teacher told her exactly why she got marks off and you still argued with your daughter based off *your* opinion, which is not at all what her teacher said. Seems like you’re upset she didn’t say she was thankful for your family lol get over it and leave the grading to her teachers.
Edit: Thank you for the award! ###### |
A while back I had read about an indigenous tribe that never spanked or yelled at their children. They believe that yelling at a child is childish on the part of the adult. Instead they will tell them things like if you don’t wear your hat outside that a monster will come and suck out your brains, or if you get to close to the ocean a monster will get you.
What I read about them seemed to make a lot of sense, so I’ve strived to never spank and keep yelling to a minimum. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t have my moments.
My two year old is very smart and doesn’t respond to spanking or yelling anyway. So it’s pointless to take that route. But sometimes when she is losing her shit I’ll tell her that if she doesn’t stop I will “Call the Monster”. She immediately stops. Kind of looks around for a minute and then becomes a normal person again.
My husband really hates it and says I will warp her and make her twisted. That’s not my goal, but I did think it was better than the alternative. I always talk to her and tell her why we don’t do something. I only save the monster bit when she is just beyond reason.
So, am I the asshole here? ###### | Yta- unless you buy a monster costume and really follow though. Subvert expectations though, have a sit down with her as the monster, and let her know monster isn't angry, just disappointed ###### |
This is an ongoing point of tension in my household. My sister (20F) has some mental health issues, and a couple months ago after something of a family blowout, she changed her name from Carol (fake name) to Chel (fake fake name), which is a nickname she picked herself while working at a summer camp.
To be honest, I (22M) thought she was being a bit dramatic, so I kind of rolled my eyes and ignored her. Looking back on it, I don’t really care and kind of wish I had just gone with the flow. However, whenever I would call her “Carol,” either by accident or on purpose, she would very quickly say “Stop deadnaming me.”
Frankly, I think it’s fine if she wants to be called Chel now, but her using a term designated for transgender people who are being intentionally referred to by their “dead name” as an act of hateful dismissiveness really set me off. I feel that she is using the struggle of a marginalized group that she claims to truly care about to bully everyone into calling her a nickname, which is lame.
So I dug in my heels, and we’re not speaking right now. I honestly want to have a good relationship, and I’ve decided to call her Chel from now on, but I can’t stop being pissed off that she is equating a white girl changing her name from “Carol” to “Michelle” with a trans person changing their name to reflect their true gender identity.
So AITA? Help me out here. ###### | YTA- trans person here, dead naming isn't exclusive to the trans community. Everyone no matter their gender, whether they're cis or trans are allowed to change their own name and rightfully be angry when someone dead names them, especially if its on purpose. ###### |
Hello all! I am using my son's Reddit account after he told me about this group. Please don't "like(?)", as I don't want my son to see this.
So my son got a physical today, and he's in the 27th percentile in terms of weight. I was disappointed, to say the least. I and my wife are fit, why can't he be? He's 14 by the way. He's a picky eater, so he eats whatever he likes. When we went home in the car, and I'm not proud of this, but I berated him. He softly said "okay." and didn't argue. I just did it out of love. Now my wife's asleep, but she said that my son told her and called me an asshole.
AITA? And if I am, how do I make things right? ###### | YTA- This is so inflammatory that I’m sure it’s fake, I’m not even going to check your history.
Anyways, if it isn’t, don’t push your toxic ideals on your son, blah blah. ###### |
My fiancée and I have been engaged for a year now. We've just been stuck looking for the right time and place but we found one and chose a destination wedding in September. We found out she was pregnant three weeks ago and we're excited about that. Until today I didn't think that'd change anything but apparently it does. She doesn't want to have the wedding while she's pregnant and wants to have it afterwards. We've already paid a deposit for the venue so that's already more than 2 grand down the drain. I'm honestly already over the wedding and just want it over and done with so I told her we're either getting married on the date in September or we're just going to sign the papers and be done with it. She got upset and called her parents who are now yelling at me for this. For the sake of transparency they are offering to pay 3/4 for the make up wedding but I'm not for that idea because then we'll have to wait a couple more months so the baby is old enough and so she can get back into her wedding dress. It's just too much. AITA? ###### | YTA- She wants to remember her wedding day as a romantic hopefully once and in a lifetime event...and I have heard being pregnant SUCKS! She will be hot and sick and bigger....be compassionate and suck up the cost. You have your wholes lives together....what’s the rush? ###### |
Here’s the situation. I (20F) have a boyfriend named “Lucas” (23M). We are in college, and Lucas lives with a roommate Xavier. Against Lucas objecting, Xavier moved his girlfriend “Hailey” in a few months ago.
Now Lucas and I are Christians and we try to witness to others and be the hands and feet of Jesus. Part of that is not being in situations that are immoral and compromising. We are saving sex for marriage, we don’t drink, and we try to use discernment about entertainment. We are not called to judge others though, and so we mainly focus on ourselves. For context it’s important to note that Hailey belongs to a different religion and is not Christian.
Anyway, Hailey apparently has some underwear and bras that have to be hand washed. She lets them dry on a rack in the living room. My boyfriend has alluded to that fact that seeing them is uncomfortable. He asked me to ask her, woman to woman, to be more discrete.
Yesterday I was over, and I nicely asked her while we were doing dishes. I explained the situation thinking she’d be understanding. Nope, she wasn’t. She went off about how Lucas can’t control himself and he shouldn’t be looking at her undies in a sexual way. I didn’t feel like i could respond kindly, so I just hung up the towel, grabbed my keys and went home.
AITA? ###### | YTA- she is 100% right, why is Lucas looking at her underwear in a sexual way? He needs to self-reflect on HIS behaviour. He is only in control of his actions, thoughts and behaviours and NOT hers. It’s creepy of him to think so and very rude of you to say so. ###### |
Yesterday, I (26 m) and my partner (22 f) were driving to my parents’ house for lunch. As I was driving down the main road of the village we live in, a little girl (maybe 4ish?) suddenly shot off across the road in front of the car.
I absolutely slammed down on the brakes, the car lurched and squealed, my partner who was speaking choked as the seatbelt tightened around her and it was all very sudden and frightening.
I pounded my fist on the horn at the girl and rolled down the window at the visibly terrified mother who ran out to pull her back. I was really furious and started properly shouting at her, don’t remember exactly what was said but something like “Watch your child you fucking stupid bitch!”
We rolled the window back up and carried on, but my partner was annoyed at me. She said I really shouldn’t have shouted and sworn at the mother and that she was very young (she looked like very early 20s) and must be really stressed rn. I said that she would have been a hell of a lot more stressed if her daughter had been killed because she couldn’t look after her properly.
It blew up into quite an argument with her defending the mum, saying that the horn would have scared her enough and that it was really unnecessary for me to scream at her like that.
I admit that I was slightly out of control with anger, but considering I very nearly killed a child because of her mother’s negligence and that shouting at her was not only justified because of the situation, but useful to startle her into keeping better hold of her daughter in future.
AITA? ###### | YTA- no one can control children 24/7 and things like that happen. It’s not the moms fault that kid did it and yelling and cursing at her doesn’t help the issue and only makes the situation worse. ###### |
When my daughter was nine, she and her brother had spilled juice on two books and the head librarian went up to me and said “Ms. X, this book is all wet and it’s all damaged and I am very upset. Do you know what may have happened?” I saw immediately that it was a chapter book and got upset at my daughter in front of the librarian, saying that she was irresponsible and that we wouldn’t be borrowing books from the library anymore if she was going to make us pay huge fines to the library because she can’t keep water away from a book.
I got home and told my husband and he was upset too. He said that we’d have to pay them $10 to get a new book (details that the librarian and I had worked out) and told my daughter that “ten dollars was not a small sum of money.”
My daughter was like, “I’m sorry, Dad,” and handed over a 20 dollar bill that my sister had given her for Christmas. My husband was like, “That is not your money. That is money your aunt worked her ass off to give you. Wait until you work your ass off at a dead-end job to and you make less than ten dollars an hour.” I agreed with my husband. My daughter recently confronted us about this and honestly, we didn’t even remember.
My daughter said that incident, along with others, made her bitter and resentful towards us, so AITA? ###### | YTA- Money that was gifted to her is her money! She was berated two times over 10$ and even paying it back and apologising wasn't good enough. She was 9!! I'm not surprised at all that she resents you. ###### |
I’m a lifelong fan of Richard Pryor and I a frequenter of a cafe for a few months. The cafe is somewhat of a mixture of hipsters and yuppies, which isn’t really my scene, but it happens to be walking distance from my apartment.
This morning I went in and played Blazing Saddles on my laptop for about half an hour. I didn’t have headphones in but all of the tables are socially distanced and I didn’t play it excessively loud. It says the n word quite profusely, which might have to do with why I got kicked out, but it is said humorously in a way meant to skewer racists.
I was asked to turn it off and when I asked why the woman just looked at me sternly and said it disturbs other guests. I asked loudly if anyone was disturbed and people looked at me as if to say “no” and then put their heads back down. The barista repeated herself that it wasn’t allowed so I packed up my laptop and left.
Did I do anything wrong? ###### | YTA- just put in some freaking headphones. Also I’m sure people don’t appreciate all the cussing (especially racist terms) no matter the context while at a cafe ###### |
My wife and I have a daughter who just turned 14. We are not made of money, but we told my daughter we would get her an iPhone when she went to highschool. School is starting soon so my wife and I bought phone and were planning to give it to her Friday.
Unfortunately my mother had some emergency plumbing issues in her trailer that need to be fixed. She had to use the public restroom in the trailer park which is as unpleasant as you would imagine. When she called me for the money I did not have it, so I returned the iPhone and paid for the plumbing to be fixed.
I did this without telling my wife, which I understand isn’t the best thing. I did it that way because my wife hates my mother, and wouldn’t have empathized with the situation. I broke the news to my wife about the phone last might. She was irate.
I explained the situation with my moms plumbing and she didn’t care. She told my daughter I sold her phone and made my daughter upset with me. Daughter has also expressed anger towards her grandmother.
I made the mistake of venting to my mother about this, and today there is drama all over Facebook. My mother calling my wife names, and vice versa.
My wife thinks I’m an asshole for breaking a promise to my daughter and not putting her needs first. She is upset I took the money with out permission, but this was my money to begin with.
My mom thinks my wife is an asshole for trying to withhold money from her during her time of need.
I think my wife is and asshole for trying to turn my daughter against my mother and not allowing her to learn that some needs are more urgent than others. we have to prioritize.
AITA for fixing my moms bathroom instead of spending $1,500 on a phone? ###### | YTA- It’s not ‘your’ money, it belongs to you and your wife. Big financial decisions are decided as a team (like when you decided to get your daughter a phone). By returning the phone you broke the trust with both. ###### |
My daughter is 23, moving out on her own after college and found a nice apartment nearby.
Over the past two years-ish she has taken up biking and has done it every day, in trails and paths around our town. She’s really good and bikes 20 miles every day.
She uses my older sons bike. He’s 27, still at home with us. We bought it for him about 5 years ago when he expressed interest in getting into biking but he hasn’t used it. I mean literally has never once used it, I watched my daughter peel off the protective sticker over the seat and the plastic off the handle bars.
When we were packing her things, I told her it was ok to take the bike as she’s the only who has ever used it and I packed it up for her and it’s now at her apartment.
My son found out when he was out in the garage looking for a tool that the bike was gone, and threw a fit about it. He says it doesn’t matter that he’s never used it, or that his mom and I bought it for him anyway, it belonged to him and he wanted it back.
My daughter is a people pleaser and offered to give it back but I put my foot down and told them it was ridiculous, she could keep the bike and if my son really wanted one and would use it, we’d buy him another for Christmas. He doesn’t actually want the bike or a new one, it’s just the principle of it.
My wife thinks we should just buy my daughter one and let my son keep his, but why go through it if he’s never going to use it anyway? I think he’s being a brat, but everyone else seems to think I’m being an AH.
What do you think? ###### | YTA- It’s his bike whether or not he uses it. It is not yours to give to another person. Just because you gave him the bike doesn’t mean you get to take your gift back. Perhaps if the request had come from the sister using the bike, he might have said “yes”, but the way it was handled would have left a sour taste in any bike owner’s mouth. You also didn’t give him the opportunity to gift the bike. ###### |
I (hopefully) will be getting married this October to my amazing fiancé. We’ve been together for 4 years, since we were 18.
Over the past few weeks, my friends and I have done a weekly zoom call to gossip and discuss details. I asked them all to send me their intended hair and makeup for the day, to which they all did and I thought it was a reasonable request. All of them went for very similar, apart from Madeline. Madeline is the only one of the group who has hair past her chest, and due to the style, she wouldn’t be able to do the same style as everyone else. I gently suggested that she cut her hair to be able to do the same style as everyone else.
She asked if i was being serious and I said yes, that I wasn’t planning on asking but that it seemed a simple thing to do. My friends were all pretty outraged over this minor thing and now Madeline is saying she doesn’t want to even be my bridesmaid. It’s only hair, it grows back! AITA? ###### | YTA- it’s her hair, HER hair. Just cause it’s your wedding, doesn’t mean you get to decide that people need to change their looks for you. You shoulda read the room when everyone got outraged at you, but now you look like a bridezilla. ###### |
This happened on Saturday.
My girlfriend has twins from a previous relationship (boy and a girl). Due to personal circumstances, they are staying with me for a few weeks. They are 9 years old.
They wanted to watch a movie and they wanted to watch The Grudge. I warned them that it might be too scary but they insisted.
Throughout the movie, the boy wasn't too phased, he kept trying to scare his sister and she was terrified and told him to stop. My girlfriend yelled at the boy and eventually stopped the movie because the girl was too scared and the boy wouldn't stop teasing her.
I asked him "how would you like it if you were scared and she did that to you?" and he said he wouldn't care.
So to prove a point, as they were getting ready for bed, I sneaked into their room and hid in the closet. When they got into their beds and turned the lights off, I waited like 10 minutes for them to get comfortable and I started making clicking sounds. I could see through an opening in the closet that they were shifting around in bed looking directly at the closet. I started doing that croaking sound and from what I saw, it looked like they were frozen in place.
After about 5 minutes of doing this, I pushed open the closet door and sprinted full speed to the boy's speed and jumped at the edge of it, they were both screaming their heads off.
I was laughing and told the boy "see? That's what it's like to tease someone who is already scared."
They are over it now, and the boy even laughed about it. My girlfriend screamed at me despite them both being fine. I told her it was just a lesson and now the boy will likely never do it again. It was probably a little cruel but I have no intention of scaring them like that again. ###### | YTA- dude, you scared the girl aswell. You should have made sure the girl was in on it or not in the room. You scared her to prove a point to her brother. ###### |
I was recently spending time with some old friends from high school. A girl who I didn’t know too well was there. I knew she had gotten pregnant while we were in school and had then gone off to college. We were talking (her kid had not been mentioned), and I asked how old he was now and how often she sees him. As soon as I asked how often she sees him, her tone completely changed. She rolled her eyes and said “bold of you to assume I didn’t keep my child. Maybe you would have given up yours but I love my son and love raising him.” I never assumed she gave him up for adoption or anything. But since she went away for college, I did assume her parents were taking care of him. I shouldn’t have assumed anything but she misunderstood what I asked. I didn’t bother to explain and laughed and just said “okay.” And avoided her the rest of the night. I told some other people who were there and they said I should explain what I meant but I wanted to enjoy my time. Was I an ahole here? ###### | YTA- decisions about keeping/giving up a child are incredibly difficult and personal. Asking a question like that when she hasn't brought up her child is highly invasive and insulting. It could also stir up alot of unwanted emotions if they hadn't wanted to give up their child but had to. Unless you know the situation before hand, let parents bring up their kids.
Edit because I'm on mobile and can't see the post while replying: you also could have explained yourself when she called you out on it, it sounds like she's very defensive about judgements from being a teen mom. It probably would have helped to be like, "Oh, yeah, I figured, just college is crazy and I was wondering how much it cuts into your parenting time." ###### |
Basically, we were at a busy tourist attraction village and while we were quite separate from.the crowd, it's set out in a way that the majority of the crowd was facing us. I'm the sort of person that shys away from the limelight and or focus of attention so I told.my girlfriend that we should maybe move back a bit so we weren't quite so in everyone's eyesight, and so we were less likely to be given grief by someone who doesnt like it. She got the idea that I think she shouldnt be allowed to breastfeed in public (which i definitely dont think) and is now extremely annoyed with me because I spent the next 15 minutes trying to explain myself which only served to make matters worse.
I dont feel like im an asshole, but maybe I am. That's why I'm here. I feel like I might be a bit selfish in that I was asking her to move because i didnt want to cause a scene, but that's only because I dont want to get into a situation where I have to have a public argument because of course, if someone said something to her then I would have had to tell them to fuck off.
Anyway, I'm interested to hear what you guys think. ###### | YTA- but a small one.
She 'got the idea' because you made it a thing before. I get where you are comming from but I get her annoyance too. Dont try to justifiy yourself that long on topics like that. ###### |
Throwaway because I’m not sure if my children are on Reddit.
I have two kids with a four year age gap, my oldest, Sara, is 26 and my youngest, Bella, is 22. Sara went to undergraduate school and her father and I supported her by paying half of her living expenses and college tuition. We did the same for Bella. They both worked during college, and Bella worked while doing unpaid internships.
Sara went to graduate school for social work and she took out loans to pay for her education. We helped her out with groceries as well as paying her car insurance and phone bill. She graduated and got a steady decently paying job a couple years back.
Bella graduated this winter and had been job searching throughout her last semester with no luck. Things took a turn for the worse when the pandemic hit, and all of her leads dried up. She couldn’t get the stimulus check, and she no longer had her college gig. She did some side work to get her self through while hoping that her job prospects would come back. Luckily one of the places she applied for hired her after three months of unemployment. She has been employed for one month and she makes an okay salary, nothing great, but she can live off of it.
Long story short, I realized that my phone contract was up for renewal. I decided that since both bella and Sara are now employed I would take them off my plan. Sara took it well enough, but Bella got upset saying that Sara was able to stay on my plan four years longer than she did and that she is just beginning to recover from the financial hit of being unemployed during a pandemic. She asked me if I could keep her on the plan until next year, but I don’t think it’s right. Both my girls are employed and it’s time for them to make it on their own. AITA? ###### | YTA- “it’s time for them to make it on their own”
Yet you let one slide till she was 26 the other till she was 22.
Also of course Sara took it well enough, you’ve given her everything she’s needed up until this point she’s probably doing great financially, and has no problems, paying her phone bill at 26.
But Bella, she’s 22 and just got a job after months of hardship? Let me just add another expense to her real quick, and not treat her equally to her sister.
Edit: fixed the older sisters name. ###### |
While my daughter (now 21) was growing up, I always told her that I was her mother and not her friend. I believe that parents who tried to be friends with their kids are crappy parents who are just trying to seem 'cool.'
Now my daughter is an adult and lives on her own and on a recent visit we were talking and I asked her if she thought we were friends. She laughed in my face, and I got offended that she did so and asked why she started laughing.
She said that I hadn't raised her to think of me as a friend and that it was odd that I would assume that we could be friends now when her entire childhood I was 'incredibly overbearing and controlling.' She mentioned that I specifically said many times that I was her mother and not her friend.
I told her that she was a kid then and is an adult now, so I assumed that our relationship would be different and we could be friends at this point in her life. She laughed at that again and tried to change the subject, but I kept asking and got upset when she kept maintaining that we aren't and can't be friends. It turned into a bit of an argument and she went back home.
I don't see why we can't have that relationship now, obviously she isn't a kid anymore and the rules are different. Apparently she really internalized as a kid that I wasn't her friend, though, so I don't know.
AITA for being upset with her? I'd like to have a more friendly relationship at this point in time. ###### | YTA-
Her becoming an adult does mean that your relationship will change and the dynamics will shift. But I think you assuming you can be her “friend” now, rather than a parent is rather odd.
You harped on the idea that you could not have a “friend” dynamic for at least 18 years- it’s not going to go away in two or three. And I don’t particularly think you’ve got a lot of ground to stand on in regards to being upset at her. I think you can be upset, but I think you should find a therapist to work through that with.
And that’s my unasked for advice, so yeah. ###### |
My ex and I are expecting; when I first found out we were expecting he cut me off, didn’t want the baby at all.
I’ve picked the name Dorothy - Anne Rose, or Dora/Rosie as a nickname.
Dorothy is the name of my ex’s mother; I’ve known my ex since I was 15 (I’m 24 now) so she’s a mother figure to me, Anne is my grandmothers name so they’re both pretty sentimental to me, I picked the name as soon as I found out I was having a baby girl.
A little while ago my ex reached out to me and apologised, he wants weekend visitation when the baby is old enough and until then he’d like to visit as often as possible which isn’t a problem to me.
My ex cut his mother off about 4 years ago; I don’t know why because from what I saw they were close and she was a good mother but I was an outsider looking in all I know is she’s an important figure in my life and wants to be in my child’s life.
When I told my ex the name I’ve picked out he freaked and told me I have no right to name the baby after **his** mother (our babies grandmother?) and that it’s “totally freaky” and crossing so many boundaries since he isn’t involved in his mothers life anymore, he’s suggested the name Isadora so it still has “Dora” or just calling her “Dora”.
My sister thinks I’m wrong too since he clearly has issues with his mother and this will push him away.
I love the name, it’s the only name I’ve settled on and it just feels right to me now, I’m due in a month.
AITA? ###### | YTA-
>My ex cut his mother off about 4 years ago
You've known him for 9 years. I find it hard to believe you don't know why he cut his mother out of his life.
Also after your ex finds out your pregnant and leaves you, you want to name the baby after his mother?? You did this knowing that he doesnt speak to her anymore. I find it weird and manipulative. Regardless of how much of a mother figure she was to you.
INFO: Do you still speak to his mom regularly?
Additionally, he provided an EXCELLENT compromise, so you get to keep the nick name you like. I dont know why you're so adamant about keeping his mother's name. ###### |
Had to repost, exceed the limit
(M33) Just moved in with gf (27f) of 7months. Her mortgage is cheaper than my rent so seemed like a good idea.
She won’t let me have equal say in the house. She doesn’t want my furniture in the living room as her furniture is “better” and fits the rest of the house more. She was pretty snobby about my furniture because it’s from Ikea. I put her stuff on fbook market place to show her if we used my furniture and sold her we could go on a holiday or something.
Her dad wants her lawyer to make a contract so I can’t claim half her house if we break up. Which is rude. She agrees with him and got pissy when I said the house should be split 50:50. the deposit was inheritance money from her grand parents so it’s not even her money. She just got given it. Plus she’s only lived in the house for a year.
Her sister found my fbook post about the furniture so freaked out which made my gf freak out and she sent me to stay with my mum and won’t talk to me while she thinks things through. Her friends keep raging her in “white male apartment” memes which is petty and immature.
My mum has taken her side and I’m so frustrated that no one thinks I’m entitled to my fair share. I feel like gf is taking advantage of me. AITA for wanting what’s mine by rights?
TLDR gf won’t let me have my fair share of the house even though I’m going to pay half of the mortgage ###### | YTA- "I want what's mine". You aren't entitled to anything just because you're dating this girl. She has a right to be cautious financially, and by the way it sounds she should be with you. You don't own half of that apartment just because you guys are dating, so dont act like it. If you want a new apartment that badly then buy it yourself. ###### |
I’m not going to try to defend my wife’s reaction. She can be very emotional and irrational. We had our children and grandchildren at our house the other day for my sons birthday. We have two children and honestly I can’t stand the woman our younger son married.
The kids ended up having a cake fight and just to be clear when this happened my wife already had cake smeared on her chests/hair but DIL threw some cake at her and my wife went insane. She called her a stupid birch and told them to get out of our house and then started crying. I tried to calm her down but she took her phone out and tried to cancel the money she’d recently given them. I made the kids leave because nothing good was going to come out of that, but my son I angry with me for “letting” her act like that. ###### | YTA Your wife was already in a cake fight with no problem, but as soon as the DIL you don't like got involved, she flipped her shit & acted like she was being a problem. Then demanded they get out & tried to take back a gift. Now your kid is mad that you essentially agreed by forcing them out, no matter what your reasons were, he's not wrong, you reinforced her behavior in her eyes, justifying her anger.
Eventually he'll remove himself completely because this behavior from her won't stop. She needs therapy & you need to stand up to her, not let your son & his family be a meat shield for your cowardice. ###### |
My husband (28) and I (43) had a small birthday celebration for my daughter (15) in our backyard.
She was able to eat and hang out with her two best friends. Everything goes fine until her stepdad walks out with a buddy of his to grab some chips and drink a bottle of beer.
We have a very large deck and they were sitting in lawn chairs on the other side of it, yet my daughter kicks up a fuss and asks why they were there. She asks her stepfather to leave, and he says that this happens to be his deck, not hers.
I tell her that’s no way to treat her stepfather. In response, she says that she’s going over to her friend’s house to finish the rest of her birthday cake.
I was furious that she left despite my protests that she apologize to her stepdad first.
For her birthday, I had agreed to buy her a laptop because she had previously complained about having to share the large home computer with her stepfather, who likes it for his graphic design work and asks her not to keep clearing the history on it.
But I only agreed to buy her this on the condition that she keeps the peace around the house, and the blowup at the birthday party was the opposite of that.
My husband was humiliated and sometimes he sighs and says that he doesn’t know if this will work out.
I love him unconditionally. In addition, he was also being generous in allocating the deck when he could have said no.
I ended up returning the laptop back to where I bought it. When my daughter got home, she called me a sellout and refuses to eat with either me or her stepfather.
AITA? ###### | YTA your husband commandeered the deck to drink with his mate and instead of calling the selfish dick out you sided with him and punished your daughter. It was her birthday party which was already small and awkward because of covid and he made it worse. Congratulations your daughter will probably end up hating you for taking his side and she probably already hates him cause he ruined her birthday. ###### |
My daughter is 14.
She was 12 when we moved countries two years ago. She also started puberty around that time.
Prior to the move she had many friends, took care of herself, though to be fair things were easier beging prepubescent at the time. After the move she made an honest effort to make friends and gained a close group of girlfriends. However about six months in a dramatic incident happened, and left her rejected by them.
Since then it's as if she's regressed to a childlike state. She wears unflattering, neon colored clothes way too big for her, with cartoon characters on them. Her hair looks like a rat's nest. Her hygiene is questionable. She refuses to wear makeup or was her upper lip (quite hairy) or eyebrows.
Worst of all she has completely stopped trying to make friends. She didn't celebrate her last birthday because she said there was no one to invite, no one likes her, but she doesn't even try. She spends all day alone. I know it's not proper, but I think her presentation is part of it. She is at an age where kids are trying to be mature and she's regressing.
I reached my breaking point and we had a row over the upper lip. I told her she would get it taken care of. When she refused I stood my ground, and it ended up turning into a yelling match. She ended up crying and we compromised that she would bleach it.
AITA if I had good intentions? I just want her to have friends again. I have been trying to get to her nicely for months. ###### | YTA your daughter has bigger problems then waxing her lip that it seems like you are ignoring. You’re more concerned with her looking good on the outside than feeling good on the inside. ###### |
We have four kids: ages 11, 16, 17 and 21. We're also expats of 5 years (Sweden to Canada).
We've always lived in close quarters, we just couldn't afford an apartment with rooms for everyone. So our 11 year old daughter has shared a room with us for most of her life. We've always tried to quarter it off a bit with a separator.
Last year my two middle children (m/f) were deadset on going to "High School" in Sweden. My parents (their grandparents) live in Sweden and were willing to take them in. My eldest son moved out years prior, so that left just our youngest with us. At the time we were living in a three bedroom apartment.
When they moved out we let our youngest daughter have her own room, and she was ecstatic. This was her first time having her own room. After around four months, due to rent increases and since it was just the three of us, we decided to downsize to a two bedroom apartment. Our daughter visited the apartment with us and loved what would be her new room.
Shortly before we moved apartments (after signing the lease) our son (17m) had a change of heart about High School and wanted to come home. This was before the Coronavirus, but he'd been abroad for about 3 months and wanted to come home. Since he is the oldest we thought it'd make sense for him to get the second bedroom, and for our daughter to share a room with us again.
When this happened our daughter was upset, and requested to sleep in the closet to maintain her own "room". So that's where she's been, her mattress was able to be squished in there.
This somehow came up around a friend of a friend, and she gave me a look and told me that this was unfair and "severely inappropriate". I asked her what she meant by this, and she just scoffed at me.
Am I an asshole for this? ###### | YTA your daughter deserves a space of their own especially at 11. You are basically saying that everyone’s comfort is more important that her. ###### |
This happened in January but the repercussions are still very much happening now.
My husband and I have been trying for a baby for over 5 years. When we went to a fertility doctor, we were told my husband had a low sperm count. A few months later I was diagnosed with endometriosis, making our chances of natural conception incredibly low. We decided we were going to try for another year and then look into adoption. I found out in November that I’m pregnant and due in early August.
My best friends wedding as, as I said, in January. We have a big group of friends and we all live pretty far away from each other as well all went to university in different places and moved there. It’s very rare we’re all together and the news of my long awaited pregnancy was one I wanted to share in person and not over the phone. I didn’t make a massive announcement, I simply just people as I saw them. A lot of people knew we were struggling so wanted to see how we were getting on. It drew a bit of attention but nothing major.
My best friend dragged me away towards the end of the night and said she was furious with me for making this night all about her. I was apologetic but explained my reasoning and expected her to be happy for me. She was anything but and has made absolutely no effort with me since. AITA? ###### | YTA your best friend’s fucking wedding?? come on. ###### |
Look, I know what I did was shallow. I know. But it was a personal thing, and I’m not sure it makes me an asshole. I could be wrong, but I want everyone to hear me out.
I got married a little over six months ago. I gave each of my bridesmaids a group picture of us, these were portrait style pictures. For my personal album, there were many full body shots. My friend “heather” is a bigger girl. In some of these pictures, the bridesmaids dress created a very unflattering silhouette. I asked my photographer to edit her. This was for my personal photos only, I can not emphasize this enough.
Last Saturday I thought to have heather and two other girlfriends over for dinner. We hadn’t seen each-other in months and just wanted to drink and let loose. One of my girlfriends got around to looking at the photos from the wedding. She made a point to tell heather she looked “damn good” in the photos and this drew her attention to them.
Heather got really offended and asked me what I did to the photos. I got mad at my other friend “Stacy” because she had no reason to point out that she thought Heather “looked good”. I feel as if that is body shaming in and of it self.
I told heather that I had the photos edited for my personal album, and she got angry. We ended up getting into a shouting match, which I thought was totally unnecessary. I told her to be more secure, and pointed out that it was Stacy that was actually body shaming her, she drew her attention to the photos in the first place.
Heather has been trying to shake me on social media and all of my friends are taking her side. These photos were edited for my personal album, does that make me an asshole? I feel like Stacy shouldn’t have drawn her attention to them. ###### | YTA you're just salty and embarrassed you got caught. Don't try to deflect to the friend who noticed, there wouldn't have been anything to draw attention to if the photos hadn't been edited. ###### |
Long story short, my ex's brother and I were co workers (how I met my ex). As much as we worked well together and had some bant, we weren't close at all and weren't friends which is why I was shocked to get a call from him four weeks ago asking if I could take care of his shih tzu while he went to the hospital. Apparently he'd called all his friends but they were either anti dog or didn't have the space for one and I was his last option so I said yes. I'd prefer not to go into the reasons of his hospital visit or his death but the point is he died a week later. Still sad even though we didn't know each other well. His funeral was last week but I couldn't go because it was at his parent's (out of town). I didn't really think about what would happen to the dog until his sister (my ex) called last night asking if I still have the dog and basically said she was coming to town this week to fetch her. The problem is, I've really bonded with this dog. Like I wasn't really a dog person but damn she really made her way into my heart. She's just playful and a great dog all in all. Even my girlfriend has gotten attached to her. So I apologised but said I wanted to keep the dog. She lost it and gave me a rant about how the dog was first their mums but then it was given to him so the dog should go back to the family. I'm almost 100% sure that her brother knew he was going to die when he gave her to me to look after. I feel like she's my responsibility now. Her and family have been messaging me non stop demanding me to give her back and even messaged my dad but he's on my side so he told them to fuck off.
My friends suggested I post here and make a decision so AITA? ###### | YTA You write “Apparently he’d called all his friends... I was his last option” so you know you were his last resort. This in **no way** fits with your manipulative attempt to make us think, “Oh, it was the dying man’s wish that OP take care of his beloved pet.” By saying you’re almost 100% sure he knew he was dying. You weren’t even friends!
Maybe he didn’t tell his family where the dog was because he was distracted by, idk, **DYING**! They possibly spent the week desperately trying to find her in the midst of grieving for his loss because they hadn’t been told where she was. Again, you were the last resort, not close, you certainly wouldn’t have been high on the list of “Who is most likely to have...?”
**Return the pup to that grieving family right TF now!** ###### |
Me and my girlfriend work for the same company, in Treasury. We sometimes bring some work home and finish it there since it’s much more peaceful. Last night was one such day and she was working on a tax computation. A couple of hours in she says “I’m such an idiot” I so obviously asked why. She says that she realised that she had done that part of that calculation a few days back and now she’s three quarters of the way doing it for a second time. I though this was funny and laughed and cracked a few jokes. She laughed too. Then a few minutes go by and she calls herself an idiot again. I asked her what it is this time. She says nothing and it’s about what happened. Then again calls herself and idiot. Theirs keeps on going for a few minutes with increasing creativity on the way she calls herself foolish. I keep trying to tell her she’s not but she’s not listening to one word of it. At this point I kinda lost patience with it and kinda snapped at her saying “Could you f***ing stop? You’re not an idiot.” She falls silent. Like dead silent with tears in her eyes and walks out of the room with her laptop. She didn’t speak to me for a couple of hours and later she tells me she was scared of me. I’ve never raised a hand against her or hurt her physically or screamed at her. So what do you think? AITA?
Edit: I heard you. I took her out for lunch from work today. I apologised. I admitted that I should not have reacted this way. Her answer was to kiss me. I really don’t deserve this girl. She is an angel. ###### | YTA you were being "verbally abusive" towards her as well. You could have asked her to stop more nicely, she already was in distress and you just made it worse. ###### |
I did not include it because she not her mother. Yes. she is her stepmother, but my daughter doesn't call her mom, momma or anything like that unless she is sick, but they have a good relationship and are very close.
So when I had the jewelry made I only included my son's birth date and stone, nothing for my daughter.
I expected my wife to be excited when I gave it to her, but she seemed confused. I asked if something was wrong and she told me they had forgotten to include the date and stone for my daughter and we'd have to get it fixed. I told her that it was intentional because I thought she would just want it for our son since she's not my daughter's mother.
That was the wrong thing to say. She told me that it was her daughter even if it was only through marriage and I was a jerk for thinking otherwise. She then demanded that I have it sent back and fixed.
I don't know if I want to fight her on this as far as fighting over whether or not we should include my daughter on the bracelet, but even if I should have included her, I don't think I can be blamed for not doing it. How was I supposed to know she would want it or I should include it? I may be ignorant, but I don't think I AITA. Am I? ###### | YTA you should be overjoyed that she sees your daughter as her own. ###### |
First and foremost, I have a heart condition. Medical people call it minor, but it's major enough to me. It's not going to kill me so long as I don't do stupid things like aerobics or calesthenics or get angry enough to spike my blood pressure. Anger management is a crucial skill with arrhythmia.
So. I live in an apartment complex, on the second floor. I park in the nearest spot available, closest by the stairs whenever I can. Little things really do help.
A neighbor on the third floor has recently sprained her ankle severely. It will actually take longer for her to heal than if she'd broken it. She complains about me parking in "her spot" since she should get to use the (not marked in any way) "handicap spot".
The neighbors have mostly taken her side, even though I've mentioned my condition. It's much easier for them to see her very obvious distress climbing two flights of stairs, while I only have to climb just one.
Furthermore, since I work from home, once I park there, I "hog it for days".
AITA for claiming the parking spot whenever it's open? ###### | YTA You said yourself you don't leave the house that often, so why do you need the closest spot? You could be a nice person and let her use the spot until her ankle heals. I seriously doubt the extra 50 steps a few times a week is going to kill you. Is it really that difficult to be a nice neighbor? ###### |
It’s as simple as that. We like each other, we support each other, we do things for each other often. It irked me that he needed me, his wife, to sew a button on his pants because he didn’t know how (that was his explanation about why I should do it.) It felt demeaning in that ‘because you are a woman and I am a man and this is your job’ kind of way.
So should he have noodled out how to thread a needle and poke it through a buttonhole, or should I have done it ‘just to be nice’?
I didn’t do it. He took the pants to the dry cleaner to have it done. ###### | YTA You made this into a gender issue when it was a skills issue. Why be so combative with someone you're supposed to love? ###### |
I have a good friend who had been trying to conceive for awhile. She and her husband were very excited when they found out she was pregnant. I gave her a gift off her baby shower registry.
Recently, their daughter got sick (she is now five), and when I visited in the hospital, I brought her the Strawberry Shortcake doll that was mine when I was a kid way back when, and that my own kids played with when they were young.
I was clear (to my friend, the mom) that it was just a loan, since it has sentimental value to me.
Her daughter played with it in the hospital and it cheered her up. Her daughter is getting better but is not out of the woods yet and won't be for a while. She is pretty attached to the Strawberry Shortcake doll. I'm so glad it brings her joy! -but she is loving that doll to pieces.
WIBTA if I asked for it back? I'd like to keep it in semi-decent condition, not for any monetary reason but they are hard to come by these days. It really does hold a lot of sentimental value to me. But I don't want to take a doll from my friend's little girl, obviously. ###### | YTA you LOANED a child a doll? Do you really think a 5-year-old understands the concept of a loan? ###### |
My mom and wife don’t really get along. My wife said she doesn’t like my parents because they have no morals and they aren’t the greatest people but they aren’t like abusive or cruel or anything. My wife tried to ban my mom from our house because of something that had nothing to do with her and she tried to make it into such a big deal and was throwing around the term revenge porn.
My wife got really drunk on her birthday and was crying about her life. We had a long conversation about her insecurities and she mentioned that part of the reason she hates my mom is looks/career. I tried to comfort her and reassure her.
A week ago my mom came over and was playing with our daughter. I was going to leave the house with my mom and daughter to go to the park and my wife said my daughter wasn’t going without her and again brought up shit that had nothing to do with her. I went to Starbucks with my mom instead and she was upset and saying how she barely has a relationship with my daughter because of my wife. I told her it’s not all her and my wife is insecure and then I told my mom that my wife was jealous. My wife doesn’t know but I know it’s going to come up and I feel like I betrayed her really badly. ###### | YTA you feel like you betrayed her because you did!
You've made a bad situation even worse and you know you've fuc#ed up.
There is going to be waaaay more to it than what you're telling us as your wife will not have issues with your mum for no reason. If I were you, I'd stand by your wife more if you want to come out if this alive.
Edit: just seen your comment "They are both vain and money hungry. My dad cheated on his fiancé with my mom and my mom videotaped it with her phone and showed the fiancé." Sweet Jesus, you're even MORE of a dick than I I initially thought, yes yes and yes again YYA multiple times over! ###### |
I (17f) was a bitch in middle school and first 2 years of high school. I admit it. I’m not proud of it, I don’t really even have an excuse for it. There was one girl I was really bad to... she was fat, weird, and kinda obnoxious but she’s cool now. and she and I recently got assigned to work in a partner project together.
We were FaceTiming and she was being weird. Everything I said she would just respond with “mhm” and she was barely talking. I asked her if she was ok, and she said “working with you? Not really”.
I asked what she meant, and she said “I’m still angry with you”. I said “are you seriously still hung up on how I treated you 2 years ago?” She said yes, how she was “dealing with binge eating disorder and her shitty mom” and how I “made things a thousand times worse”. I said it’s not like I could have known any of that, and it would be easier for her if she could just forgive me.
She got angry, said “you’re still a fucking bitch” and hung up.
AITA for saying that? She was being annoying. I was only 11 when I started being mean to her and I stopped 2 YEARS AGO but she still treated me like shit. ###### | YTA you can’t TELL someone to forgive you. But you CAN apologize, which it sounds like you didn’t do. ###### |
Throwaway.
I (26M) stumbled upon pictures of a girl who looked remarkably like my cousin (20F). There was information for an OnlyFans account and to confirm it was her, I bought temporary "membership" so I can see the pics, screencap them for evidence, and delete my account.
Unfortunately, it was her. I confronted her and told her what I discovered. She was horrified as expected, after the initial shock wore off, she tried to defend herself saying it helps pay for some of her bills.
I told her there are plenty of honest ways to make money instead of being a virtual escort. She called me disgusting for confronting her like this, but I told her I was looking out for her. My reasoning is that if future employers discover this, there's a good chance she will lose employment.
I made an ultimatum to her, delete her OF account or I will show her parents (my uncle I am close to). The ultimatum is still ongoing and we had a huge fight afterwards. I might be the asshole for condemning her like this but I think I am looking out for her best interests since people can use this as blackmail against her. ###### | YTA you are the one using it as blackmail against her.
what is it with men always feeling like They are co owners of the vaginas of their family members.
she is an adult, she can do what she want and while I don’t really like this either, I have no concern over it , and I would certainly not take the ultimatum from an hyppocrite Mitch who goes looking through only fans profiles to get some fun and spit on the women who are trying to get some money from it.
you should respect them if you appreciate their work.
​
edit : damn, my first awards ! thanks you internet strangers, you made a woman smile :) ###### |
Originally it wasn't a big deal, or so I thought, till we went into an argument over it.
I visit this Chinese teahouse about once or twice a month for a dish, in which I pick the ingredients and one of the cooks cooks and mix different spices into a sauce to be added into a soup in front of me.
I always request a specific young man to cook for me because in my opinion he is the best among them, or it may just be that his way of mixing the sauce suit my taste bud the most.
Nothing much changes changes after covid, the only difference is that I need to takeaway instead of dine-in. A few weeks ago I experienced a change of taste in the dish. It wasn't bad, just somehow different and not much to my liking. At once I knew that it wasn't the same person who cooked that dish(due to social distancing rule I had to wait outside and didn't see who cooked my dish).
When I went to the teahouse again yesterday I requested for the same cook and mentioned that they din't get right person to cook my food the previous time.
A young woman came and told me that it was her who cooked my dish the other day, and that she was just as good as the young man. I replied no, I prefer the young man instead and she got visibily angry. Turns out that those 2 cooks are a couple and the young man can no longer cook for me.
I asked why couldn't I request him she told me that we cannot choose who to cook for us from now onwards, and I had been rude and sexist for requesting for her husband all the time.
I had to leave the teahouse empty handed because I didn't really want to eat from anybody else, plus it seems like there was some drama between them that I do not wish to get mixed into, though I am sure going to miss the food there. However, AITA for requesting for a specific person to cook my dish? ###### | YTA you are ordering from a restaurent not from a specific person. If they offered you the choice of who made your food as a service, they would list that option on their in house and takeaway menus. Asking a restaurent to change how they work for you means YTA, then causing a fuss about it and complaining to the chef means double YTA. ###### |
Throwaway bc family could see.
I (31F) have one son, 3M. He’s very sweet, calm, low-maintenance, and a great kid. I lucked out with him. We asked one of his daycare providers, B, to watch him for 5 hours, from 1-6 since I had to work. B knows he’s an easy kid and she knows him well, so she went with a lower charge, and we agreed on $50 for the whole time. It wasn’t discussed in terms of hours, rather we agreed that $50 for the time she was there was sufficient.
Well, there ended up being a situation at work that prevented me from getting home at 6, so I wasn’t able to relieve her until around 6:45. My husband works from 11 AM to 8 PM, so him relieving her was out of the question.
When I got there, she seem to be in a hurry to get out of the house. I understand that I was late, but as a person who works with kids and their parents, she is well aware that things come up. I handed her a $50 bill and she thanked me, but asked for $7 more. I told her that she got the 50 she agreed on, but she said that since I was 45 mins late and I was paying her $10 an hour, she had earned $7 more for an extra 45 mins. I told her that’s not what we agreed on. We agreed on $50, and it shouldn’t matter that I was late because we didn’t discuss it in terms of hours. She argued that I agreed I would be home at six and didn’t adhere to that either, but it’s an entirely different story.
I ended up only giving her $50 and showing her out of the house. I’ll admit that she did a great job with my son. But in my opinion she had no right to ask for more. My husband and mother both think that I was being an asshole. I don’t agree. AITA? ###### | YTA you agreed upon 1-6pm. YOU didn’t make your end of the deal so she’s well within her means to request compensation for the extra time she waited. She’s not doing you a favor watching your kid. It’s her job. ###### |
I always encouraged my children to be themselves and find their own path. I don't think I put any pressure on them, but I also didn't hide who I was from them. I am very very vain. I grew up with a father who valued my looks over everything. I did some child modeling, and then I pursued a career in the entertainment industry where looks are obviously important.
I never told my daughters they weren't pretty enough or pressured them to follow my path, but I love fashion and makeup. I've had a little botox and my breasts done twice and I was always open with them. My 19 year old daughter recently cut her hair short, boxed up all of her makeup for her sister, and said she doesn't care about societal standards anymore. I supported her, but she came to me the other day and wanted to talk about how she struggled with her self esteem. I listened and some of it broke my heart, but at the end she wanted me to apologize for raising her in an environment where looks were so important.
I reminded her that I never pressured her or made comments about her. She thinks I need to apologize for modeling vanity and setting a bad example, but this is my career and my passion. If I was a surgeon my kids might feel pressure to be smart. If I was an athlete they might feel pressure in that arena. I don't think I have anything to apologize for. I told her I am sorry she feels this way and that seemed to upset her more. ###### | YTA You **think** you never pressured her. You almost certainly did. ###### |
My daughter (13F) has very long hair, down to the middle of her back. She always wears it down and she doesn't always wash or brush it and it looks very ugly and messy. Seeing as she isn't responsible enough to take care of her own hair properly, I offered to cut it. After all having long hair can take up vitamins and nutrition and she's skinny enough as it is. I kept offering to cut her hair over the course of a month but every time I brought it up she would say that I could only cut up to three inches off which is barely any difference. Eventually after two months she allowed me to cut it to shoulder length but because she kept moving her head so much during the process it caused some length differences and I had to cut it all to just below her ear. I thought it looked good and really suited her but my daughter ended up crying over her new haircut. At lunch I made a casual comment about how she's so sensitive she cried over hair but now she's seems upset. Its not exactly my fault that she ended up with a different hair cut. If she just kept her head still it would have turned out normal but I would like a third opinion on this. ###### | YTA YES it is your fault that you cut it that short! There's no way she was moving enough to get to the point that it had to be up to her ears from her middle back.
Side note: long hair doesn't take up nutrients from your body. ?????
Poor kid. Way to set a precedent for her not to trust you with anything in the future based on your obvious insensitivity. Making fun of a crying kid, not to mention casually throwing around insults like "ugly" makes me certain that you're just not nice to her in general. Then I'm sure you'll wonder why she doesn't want much to do with you when she grows up and will lay on the guilt trip.
A tale as old as time.
Edit: also, btw, lack of hygiene like this can be a symptom of depression. Have you considered that maybe her lack of hygiene and "sensitivity" might be hinting to some mental health issues she's struggling with? Have you tried to talk to her about how she's feeling between hounding her about her looks and criticizing her expression of emotions?Do you even care or are you more worried about her looking "very ugly"? ###### |
I have never done this before, so apologies for any issues.
My son (14) drink ALOT of water. If we don't regulate it, he will drink 3,4, or 5 bottles of water a day. He just says he is really thirsty.
The problem is tap water in our area is terrible so he can't drink that, but buying so many water bottles is inanely expensive. We spend hundreds of dollars a month on water.
We took him to the doctor a couple years ago to see if there was an issue, hes fine. He just drinks alot of water.
Me and my husband are kinda tired of this, so last week we sat our son down and made a new rule. He can have 2 water bottles a day, which is still enough to not be thirsty. To enforce this rule, every bottle he drinks past the limit is one day of grounding.
We got some push back at first but it wasn't a problem until yesterday, where he drank 5 bottles of water in just 24 hours. We followed the rules and grounded him for 3 days. He was really mad and said its totally unfair, but we reminded him those were the rules.
I talked to my sister about this and she said it was crazy. So I decided to post it here. ###### | YTA wtf. Two water bottles is about a liter which is actually far too little. You have a kid that WANTS to drink water instead of soda and you react like this? What kind of a control freak are you?
EDIT: I'm still angry just thinking about this you PUNISH your son for drinking water what the hell man. What else do you control in his life? How often he pees? Please tell me you let him eat as much as he needs at least. ###### |
We went to a restaurant the other day for FILs birthday. MILs friend was there and she is from Indonesia. We had a private room but they went out to the bar and I guess some guy was hitting on both of them and when they rejected them they started saying horrible shit to her friend about Asian women loving white dick and made a joke about eating dog. MIL defended her friend pretty loudly and I went to check on them. She pretty much humiliated the two guys and got the whole restaurant to boo them. They left and people were telling MIL she did great.
MIL is a good friend and a good wife (not the best mom) but she is not a good person. FIL is an executive at a company and treats his inferiors like shit. MIL is rude to minimum wage workers. I said maybe they shouldn’t clap because she is sexist, classist, homophobic, and body shames people. The whole restaurant got really quite and FIL ended up asking both my husband and I to leave. My husband said I just shouldn’t have said anything because she did a good thing so I should have let them praise her. ###### | YTA wtf? Even if the things you said about her were true, that was not the time to bring it up! It was not relevant, super awkward, and tbh makes it look like you're supporting the racists.
You really are TA. ###### |
Throwaway
Recently I (24M) went to a small party with my gf Erica (21F) at a friend's house. She gets along with my friends so I knew she'd be able to stay engaged for a while, but she has her own friend groups she normally prefers to hang out with. She was planning to meet some friends at a bar to celebrate her 21st birthday which was a few days before, but I told her I was going to my friend's party no matter what and she said that was fine, but she'd be leaving after an hour/hour and a half and I said I'd go with her. After a couple of drinks, I started talking to a girl (Ally, 19F) and discovered we were both really serious about our music and had a ton in common otherwise. It was like I'd known her my whole life, but I wouldn't say it was a romantic feeling or anything.
At one point when Ally got up to go to the bathroom I looked around the room and noticed Erica kind of sitting on the edge of one of the couches, sipping a drink and not really talking to anyone. She signaled for me to come over and when I got there she said "glad you finally noticed me" and I asked her what she meant. She showed me the time on her phone and I realized I must have been talking to Ally for at least 2 hours! I told her she could have left if she wanted but she said she was waiting for me because I said I was coming to the bar. I told her I'd rather stay for a while and she said it was fine and left alone for the bar.
The next day she was pretty mad and said she didn't appreciate being ignored for some random girl and then having me bail on her birthday (it wasn't even her real birthday). I reminded her that she could have interrupted to say it was time to go at any point but she said me and Ally were talking like there was no one else in the room and it was embarrassing for her to feel like a third wheel. I told her I couldn't help it if Ally and I had so much to talk about and it wasn't like I was cheating or anything. Erica is still upset though. AITA? ###### | YTA would you have been cool if the roles were reversed at it was some random guy your girlfriend was engrossed with at a party?
At minimum you should have looked around once in a while to see how she was faring. If random girl hadn’t gotten up to go to the bathroom I wonder how long it would have taken you to remember you were at a party with your girlfriend ###### |
It's literally 5 minutes of music and 5 minutes of commercials. I don't understand it, so I asked my roommate why she got a radio when she can just get Spotify. She said, "Because I wanted to." I asked her again because that isn't really a valid answer. She said that again. I asked her once again, to which she says, "I'm the only one listening to it, so it doesn't matter." I told her she was being defensive for no reason, and she went on about how she doesn't owe me a reason for buying things, and that it'd be pointless to explain radio because "nobody ever understands" (is she 14?).
AITA? I feel like the fact that she can't even give me a logical answer just says she knows I have a good point, but you can't ever ask her about her hobbies because she thinks she's being bullied. ###### | YTA why do you try to “win” conversations?
Edit: also this isn’t you asking about her hobbies. This is you interrogating her and telling her she’s wrong. If this is how you go about “asking about her hobbies,” no wonder she doesn’t answer. ###### |
I'll just try to keep this short. I have these two friends and they are a couple. They're literally obsessed with each other and spend every waking hour together. The problem is in the fact that they look very similar to each other — creepily similar. Essentially, if you saw them out on the street, you'd assume they were twins. Most of the people at our school actually thought the same thing for a while.
We hang out together often and they've recently picked up this weird habit of always wearing matching outfits when we're out. There would be nothing wrong with that if, as I mentioned before, they didn't look almost completely identical. They're very "open" about their relationship in public and always kiss, hug each other, etc.
You can probably tell that they get some weird looks from nosy people out on the street who probably assume they're siblings. They whisper, take pictures, laugh, etc. This makes me kind of embarrassed to be out with them because, y'know, it's an embarrassing situation to be put in, so I told them that if they really want for us to hang out in public they should just stop making it easier for people to think that something weird is going on.
They told me I was being an asshole and that this showed that I don't really care about them and care more about some "random strangers" taking pictures. I think that my point is pretty valid. AITA? ###### | Yta who the hell cares what they wear. Also this story seems weird i doubt that many people whisper and take pictures that's just weird, they wear matching clothes and im guessing they're not celebrities ###### |
My very mentally ill brother died recently. He spent his money on properties, all of which he poorly understood what he was buying, and didn't maintain at all. The entire estate essentially breaks even except for one property, which was willed to my daughter.
Basically put, he invested in a luxury hotel chain that was supposed to have a residential portion. He did this in exchange for a unit in the building. He mostly did it to help out his friend, and didn't understand the true value of what he was buying as he thought all cities were "trash". The residential portion didn't quite pan out, but he still received ownership of a unit.
This unit is essentially a one bedroom apartment, complete with a full kitchen. Due to a combination of zoning, grandfathering, and the deal made, it would only cost her $500 a month to live there, utilities and taxes included, with access to all hotel amenities and services (including daily housekeeping if desired and car service), in a major city.
It's an amazing deal, would save her so much money, and help her situation, but I don't think she should take it. My brother's ex wife, who like the rest of the family is getting nothing, is disabled, at least partly due to him, and she really needs financial assistance.
Renting this place out for $1400/month would be an incredibly cheap deal considering location and amenities. That would mean that at LEAST $900 a month could go to the aunt's situation. My daughter is perfectly welcome to live at home if she needs to, and a lot of the family thinks that the aunt deserves money to live over my daughter getting a very cheap apartment. I know it is a sacrifice, but I would think sacrificing for your family is above undeserved luxury and a concept of "freedom".
She's fuming that nobody supports her and "feels torn" about feeling forced to choose between a future (that she in no way needs to do this for) and her family. ###### | YTA what’s up with parents on here always trying to rewrite wills? He left it to her for a reason. Those were his wishes. ###### |
I am 36 and have a 16 year old daughter.
I have full custody of her because her mom, 40, had a mental breakdown and has been in and out of rehab.
This January, I started dating my girlfriend (21F).
Then quarantine happened and that time apart made me realize that I wanted to spend my life with her. So I proposed in May and she’s moved in. Our wedding is in October.
Since then, my daughter has been a nightmare. She and my youngest sister, 25, keep calling my fiancée “ the kid.”
My fiancée decides to invite my daughter out to go shopping. She kept trying to set a date but my daughter kept saying she had an extracurricular activity.
So yesterday day when my daughter once again said she was going to practice her serve, I decided to follow her car.
She ended up pulling up to a diner and I realized she was grabbing lunch with my youngest sister.
I am furious. First at my sister for enabling toxic behavior and second at my daughter for lying to her stepmom.
I ended up taking her car keys away from her. Her aunt then calls and says I had no right to do so. I explained that she would not be getting her car back until she makes an attempt to bond with her stepmom.
AITA for not condoning lying? I just want my fiancée to be accepted into the family. ###### | YTA what the hell? You're forcing your daughter to 'respect' someone only FIVE years older than her as a mother figure. Are you serious right now? You're 36 and your ex-wife is 40, which is a 4 year age difference. That difference is almost the same as the one between your fiancee and daughter. Obviously she is not going to consider her a stepmother. Jeez. ###### |
My 49-y-o cousin put my 90-y-o aunt up to informing our family that his 23-y-o daughter died from a drug overdose.
Of course, I sent my cousin my unconditional condolences right away without asking any questions.
Then I looked at his FB page.
“John” posted that prior to his daughter’s death, he spent 13 hours in the ER for likely taking the same drug that killed his daughter. He described it as a grey pill and warned others about it.
Someone commented that this pill was laced with fentanyl. None of “John’s” FB friends asked “John” any questions.
But I did. I texted “John” letting him know that I read his FB post. “John” wrote back to ask me not to tell other family members. Perplexed, I said that it’s already public and posted on FB.
Then I asked “John” what is the connection between the drug that put him in the ER and the drug he believed killed his daughter. I asked if they were using together.
John responded, “How dare you accuse me of being responsible for her death.”
I said I wasn’t accusing him of anything; I want to know what happened.
He told me to “shut the fuck up.”
I replied that he should think of his dead mother, grandmother, and now daughter every time he abuses another street drug.
“John” unfriended me on FB and I no longer hear from him.
Only “John” knows what really happened. John will have to live with himself whether or not he chooses to explain what happened to anyone.
If I am now ex’d out for asking, then I consider myself in good company with the daughter who is no longer with us. ###### | YTA what exactly were you gaining by this? You can join the dots to satisfy your morbid curiosity, you do not take it upon yourself to start interrogating a grieving father like that. ###### |
Bf and I are planning our wedding. One thing we thankfully share in common is our distaste of jewellery. It makes us cringe whenever we're around metal accessories hanging on someone's body. Whenever I hug someone wearing a necklace I hate feeling the metal on me.
So my bf and I NEVER wear jewellery. The only exception is our wedding rings, which we are actually considering against.
So we basically want to make our wedding jewellery-free. The only exception is rings, and that is allowed only on married guests. Any other jewellery such as bracelets and necklaces is not allowed. Only one stud ear piercing on each ear is allowed; no other visible piercings are allowed. ###### | YTA weddings aren't an opportunity to add stupid control measures on to your family and friends. ###### |
I (34M) have been spending a lot of time with one of my friends during this whole situation. We both work in the same field and became much closer due to our common struggles right now. Friend used to come over once or twice every week, and we would just play video games or drink and talk or something. It was a nice stress reliever and we both had fun.
My wife, though, dislikes this guy intensely. She would always be cold towards him and never wanted to join us in anything. Believe me, I tried to involve her but she would only sulk and go hide away in the bedroom.
A few days ago, she told me that I should no longer talk to this guy because she thought he was 'creepy' and that she was getting 'odd vibes'. Odd vibes? What? She barely spent enough time near him to say hello before running away.
Apparently, he was 'being weird and making her ubcomfortable' and she wanted me to stop associating with him completely.
I told her in the nicest way that honey, he's not interested in you. My friend is very good looking and my wife doesnt even compare to the caliber of women he can get. I know he's not sexually preying on her or anything, he's just a friendly talkative guy and maybe he liked the challenge of getting my wife to like him. Anyways, it was all innocent and I explained to my wife that she needs to stop accusing people of serious things like that without any proof. Shit like this ruins lives.
I was even open to meeting with him someplace else if she feels that strongly about it( though it's my house too and I dont think she gets to make unilateral decisions about who's invited and who isnt) but no. Now she's mad and isnt talking to me, probablt trying to guilt me into giving in. I dont want her to get the idea that she can police my friendships ( I never interfere with hers) and I'm not backing down. But she's been really sad lately and I dont know how much of that she can fake. AITA? ###### | YTA WAY TO BURY THE LEDE -
"She says he's followed her up to the bedroom before and things like that, which I doubt, because he wouldnt do such stuff when I'm right there in the house, if he really was a creep." ###### |
I (29f) have been with my (30m) boyfriend for 5 years.
He is a alcoholic and has wasted so much money because of this. He has sober times and then he goes off the rails again.
The thing is he's bought the police to our door twice due to him drinking and our landlady has said that the next time she'll have to evict us because it's not good for her as it's that sort of community where everyone talks to everyone and she has a buisness here that will be effected by people thinking she lets criminals stay in her properties. We can't afford to be homeless or to stay in hotels until we find somewhere new to rent.
He recently started drinking herbal tea that's designed to help people stop drinking. The past couple of days he's not drank it.
He wanted to go for a walk on his own and I said ok but I want the money in the bank transferred to my account and your wallet which has the cash for our food shopping for the next two weeks in, the money in the bank is for savings towards buying our own home.
He agreed and I checked his wallet and my bank to make sure he didn't try and sneak any away. We went outside for a cigarette and when he went back in I followed less than a minute later. His wallet was gone so I asked him calmly where it was and he just smiled at me. I pointed to his pocket and he brushed past me so I reached for his pocket to get the wallet.
He's now calling me a thief and basically speaking and treating me like shit because of it.
He really only acts like this when he wants to drink as then he can justify it by saying if I hadn't annoyed him then he wouldn't have drank despite me reminding him that he made the choice.
AITA here? ###### | YTA to yourself for sticking around in this situation. You’re enabling him at this point. He’s going to keep drinking and you’re going to lose your home over this... and then he’ll blame you. Walk away OP, you deserve better. ###### |
My boyfriend M22 cheated and lied for the first 4 months of our relationship with his ex, I F21 forgave him. But a month later I caught him inappropriately messaging a friend from his workplace and I forgave him after that again. A few months have past since then and I’m still dealing with severe trust issues since he’s cheated and lied so much, so I feel the need to have an open phone policy for now to rebuild my trust even further. But he feels like it’s a invasion/violation of his own privacy and dignity, and says that I’m being rude and asking for too much now. ###### | YTA to yourself for staying with him. He’s clearly not willing to be in a monogamous relationship or a none cheating one so why are you doing this to yourself. ###### |
My boyfriend M22 cheated and lied for the first 4 months of our relationship with his ex, I F21 forgave him. But a month later I caught him inappropriately messaging a friend from his workplace and I forgave him after that again. A few months have past since then and I’m still dealing with severe trust issues since he’s cheated and lied so much, so I feel the need to have an open phone policy for now to rebuild my trust even further. But he feels like it’s a invasion/violation of his own privacy and dignity, and says that I’m being rude and asking for too much now. ###### | YTA to yourself for not just dumping him. ###### |
​
I have got two kids, one is 16M and the other is 17M. I have their daily internet time restricted to two hours (through some special hub my hubby got), but my kids' screen time isnt restricted, except for at night, where at 11:30pm sharp, I confiscate both of their devices.
My sons have very recently complained to me that this is unfair (they agreed to having this on at first, when I confiscated their phones after they used them non stop one day, maybe in spite of getting their phones back?). They are saying that I should only restrict one thing, either the internet usage, or only take the phones away at night.
They also told me it angers all teenagers when their devices are confiscated, and that they've got some friends who call them at 12pm when they want to talk about something privately.
I do have my reasons of course, they are glued to their phones, and also stay up till the late hours of the night using them, with the lights off which I have heard causes strain on the eyes and weakens them.
AITA for doing this to my kids? ###### | YTA this is way too strict for young adults. I can understand the sleeping hours boundary, but kids socialize 24/7 on the internet. Especially in a pandemic you’re putting them at even greater risk of isolation and depression. ###### |
Disclaimer: my apologies for any spelling errors, I’m writing this at work as it just happened
I am a freshmen in college, my first semester starts in two weeks. I’ve worked since I was 15 years old to pay for my first car, tuition and books. So I manage my finances pretty well. I did pretty well and high school and was able to receive a couple of scholarships + my family is pretty large so they helped contribute to my first semester of college to help me out just a bit. However, I paid my first semester out of pocket because I did not realize that tuition deferment allowed me to wait until my scholarships cleared first. So I have been waiting for about 2 weeks to receive a reimbursement check. Well today at work my mom came into my job and she seemed pretty upset. I stepped outside and she hands me an envelope with a check from the financial aid office at my university. It was opened so I’m kind of like “Wtf.” because my mom doesn’t open my mail. Then she tells me that one the neighbors in our complex opened it then knocked on our door.
This makes me feel uneasy because all of my sensitive documents will get sent to my mothers house when I am living on campus.
WIBTA if I reported the neighbor that opened my mail to the leasing office in my complex? ###### | YTA this is pretty clearly an accident and not really your neighbors fault at all, if they live alone it probably isn’t weird to just open up all the mail and not check specifically who it’s for. It would be one thing if he didn’t come knock and drop it off, but you and your mom are both kinda weird for assuming it was on purpose when he literally returned it to you? ###### |
Im currently on a trip with family, specifically my Mum, Stepdad, my Uncle and Auntie, and my cousin.
My cousin and I are both millenials. Our parents are all boomers. I say this cus there's a chance this is just a generational thing but im not sure. I love my whole family to bits and this trip has been very fun, except for this one issue.
Our parents have a pretty gross sense of humor sometimes. Most of the time its harmless stuff (fart jokes, generally teasing their respective partners, talking about how bad their breath is in the morning etc etc) but then other times it excalates into sex jokes. As an example, a few days ago my stepdad said something along the lines of "thats very hard" and uncle replied with "thats what (auntie) said last night." They all thought it was hilarious. Another example is they love to refer to my mum's pet cat as her "pussy" and purposefully make witty parallels between the cat and mum + stepdad's sex life. Eg: "(Mum) how is your pussy tonight?" "She is very well taken care of ;)" not even kidding this was said. Again they all roared with laughter.
I dont usually say anything outside of a small "ew" or "ugh". Last night however we were all at the pub and a little tipsy, having a good time, when yet another nasty reference to sexy times was said, and i kinda had a small outburst saying i couldn't understand how they were all so comfortable joking about this stuff in front of their kids. Yes, we are all adults now, but if i were in their shoes i would still prefer to keep that shit to myself.
They basically told me i was being way too uptight and that they are "allowed to let loose now" because they raised me.
I looked to cousin for backup but she wanted to stay out of it, which i understand.
Just for a bit of extra info, we are all staying in one big airbnb with communal kitchen/dining/living areas so its pretty hard to avoid these jokes, especially when they are very suddenly added to a normal conversation.
So reddit, AITA? ###### | YTA they're not explicit, they're not gross. You're just making it gross.
You're an adult. Act like one ###### |
Throwaway.
I \[46M\] have a strict no swearing policy in my house. Recently, my oldest daughter \[16F\] has been extremely rebellious. She has been talking back to my wife and I, using her laptop for hours every day, and does not listen to anything I tell her.
A few days ago at around 11pm when I walked in to check on her, she was using a messaging app on her laptop to message her friends instead of doing schoolwork like she was supposed to. Obviously I was angry. I told her I would shut off the wifi in 5 minutes, because if she needed to do her work she should have been focused on it.
5 minutes later when I came back, I discovered that my daughter had not only not done her work, she had been using that 5 minutes to continue messaging her friends. That just pissed me off further and I took her laptop away.
When I read the messages she and her friends were exchanging, I found out that she had been complaining to her friends about how I was going to shut off the wifi, and not only that, many of her texts (and theirs) were full of swear words. That was the final straw. I yelled at her, and I used a good many swear words. I told her that if she was not going to follow my rules she could fuck off out of my house.
But before you say that I am a heartless father, let me just say, I'm not. My daughter goes to a prestigious school that has high school fees, and I have been paying for that for almost four years. She goes to dance classes twice a week. She uses a laptop that is very high quality and expensive. Whatever she wants, she has.
I'm not speaking to my daughter now. I am perfectly willing to start talking to her again provided she apologises for her behavior. She has not apologised, and has not spoken to me either. My wife says I should not have been so harsh, but I think my daughter deserved it. If she did not want me to shout at her, she shouldn't have made me so mad. ###### | YTA there are FAR better ways to handle escalating discipline than 0-100, real quick.
Also, you don't get to police how she talks with her friends if it's not out loud and not directly affecting you. And reading her messages, at 16, just because you were pissed? Yikes.
Money doesn't buy love. And it doesn't indicate love, either.
Your whole family needs therapy at this point.
>If she did not want me to shout at her, she shouldn't have made me so mad.
Nope, not how that works. Learn to control your emotions. You're supposed to be setting the example. ###### |
This happened on Saturday.
My girlfriend has twins from a previous relationship (boy and a girl). Due to personal circumstances, they are staying with me for a few weeks. They are 9 years old.
They wanted to watch a movie and they wanted to watch The Grudge. I warned them that it might be too scary but they insisted.
Throughout the movie, the boy wasn't too phased, he kept trying to scare his sister and she was terrified and told him to stop. My girlfriend yelled at the boy and eventually stopped the movie because the girl was too scared and the boy wouldn't stop teasing her.
I asked him "how would you like it if you were scared and she did that to you?" and he said he wouldn't care.
So to prove a point, as they were getting ready for bed, I sneaked into their room and hid in the closet. When they got into their beds and turned the lights off, I waited like 10 minutes for them to get comfortable and I started making clicking sounds. I could see through an opening in the closet that they were shifting around in bed looking directly at the closet. I started doing that croaking sound and from what I saw, it looked like they were frozen in place.
After about 5 minutes of doing this, I pushed open the closet door and sprinted full speed to the boy's speed and jumped at the edge of it, they were both screaming their heads off.
I was laughing and told the boy "see? That's what it's like to tease someone who is already scared."
They are over it now, and the boy even laughed about it. My girlfriend screamed at me despite them both being fine. I told her it was just a lesson and now the boy will likely never do it again. It was probably a little cruel but I have no intention of scaring them like that again. ###### | YTA the film is R rated and you scared the shit out of a child already scared senseless to prove a point to another child. THEY ARE 9. If you were any dumber you could be added as a raising ingredient to bread. Tf is the matter with you? Please say this is made up and Billy goats scare you, please. ###### |
I enjoy going to massage parlors every so often, especially if I worked many hours. I see it as a way to wind down. As such, I am generally familiar with the rates/what to expect.
I decided to try a new massage parlor that isn't too far from where I live. I went down there and the girl who gave me the massage was very nice and talkative. She was actually very skilled and gave a great massage, and my back/legs felt loose. I was so satisfied with it that as she ended the massage, I asked if she provided any extras. Fortunately she did and she wanted me to pay an additional $175.
I wasn't sure what she would do and I won't bore anyone with the details, but she only provided 5 minutes of service and it wasn't even that good. Other massage places would only charge like $100 for even better services and I felt she was ripping me off.
After it was all said and done, I complained to her that I felt she charged too much. She essentially just shrugged her shoulders and I told her I won't ever go back again and the business lost a potential long termed client because she is greedy.
Now if she had TOLD ME what to expect, I wouldn't have been annoyed and would politely decline, was I the asshole for complaining to her about it? ###### | YTA The euphemisms won't make you look less of a creep. ###### |
I'm 31, my GF is 30, my dog is 3. We have all lived together for almost 2 years now. 95% of the time my dog is a sweet and goofy boy, a little high energy but really funny and I love him. 5% of the time though, he can be a real dick. He tends to get jealous of me and will nip other dogs who try to get close on occasion. He has also nipped people hard enough to draw blood on several occasions, including her. This mostly happens when they are making quick movements or loud noises towards me, I think its a protective instinct.
I didn't take his training as seriously as I should have until recently, but I am really trying to make progress with him, and I absolutely have. He is not perfect yet, but he is so much better than I feel like she is giving him credit for. He is still not 100% trustworthy but I have spent thousands on his training and am really trying.
She has never liked him and has said some variation of 'him or me' on several occasions, but this week she has actually made plans to move out. Currently she is basically telling me this: "You need to choose between him or me." When I told her I couldn't make that choice because I love both of them very much, she made it seem like I was reducing her to nothing better than a dog, and that I was putting the hard decision on her, and that I obviously don't care about her at all.
AITA for refusing to make this decision? ###### | YTA the dog is randomly biting her and she doesn't feel safe. You didn't train your dog and your girlfriend is the one feeling unsafe.
I love my dog but he is not allowed to randomly bite people, thats a huge red flag. He drawing your girlfriends blood and she still putting up with you.
This situation should have been dealt with before it got this bad. And your definitely the asswhole because you sugar coated your dogs aggressive tendencies.
No one should have to live in a home where the dog might randomly attack them. She shouldn't have to live in fear. You fucked up. You didn't take your dogs behavior seriously till it got too aggressive.
Now your dog can't be rehomed and would get a death sentence at any shelter. You can't even take it out on walks for the exercise he needs without putting the community at risk. It will take a lot of work and time to fix this behavior if at all possible and even then if he has any instances of aggressive behavior outside the home you may be forced to put him down.
You think your either loosing your girlfriend or your dog but in reality your either loosing your girlfriend or having to put down your dog. Or you loose your girlfriend and still have to put down your dog. ###### |
My wife has always been active on social media - more active than almost anyone else I know - and that has not changed since she got pregnant. If anything, it's worse, and the posts have gotten more frequent.
Once we announced she started taking a weekly photo of her stomach to show her growth, but she posts a tons of other videos and photos of it in addition to the weekly photo. I see them pop up and honestly it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like she's sharing too much, and I don't think it looks good (to me pregnant stomachs look weird). It's also embarrassing for me because all of my family and friends are friends with her too, so they see all of this and I can't help but wonder what they must think to see my wife so exposed.
I have subtly tried to get her to cut back on what she shares and change how she shares it which led to her asking me if didn't like what she was posting. Since she did ask, I admitted everything I posted above but never demanded she stop.
She thinks I am a controlling asshole even though I never demanded she stop or only post things that I felt were appropriate. I feel like I am entitled to an opinion and have a right to be uncomfortable with what she's posting and to share that with her. Beyond that she asked for my opinion, so I don't feel she can describe me as an asshole or controlling for answering her question.
She also didn't like me saying I didn't think a pregnant stomach was something most of the people we know would want to see and was weird looking, but again, I don't feel like having an opinion, even if it's one she doesn't like, makes me an asshole.
Am I wrong and actually the asshole? ###### | YTA that’s a great way to make a pregnant woman feel self conscious about the changes to her body that happen while growing a human.
Her social media posts aren’t about you. Don’t try to make them about you. ###### |
So my GF technically has an account with Disney+. Someone ended up creating an account using her email address (it wasn't the account creator's fault, it was a fuck up on Gmail's end). She's never used it because she has no interest, and I didn't either until recently.
Some context from my GF: "About a year ago I started getting a strange series of emails from various companies claiming that I had signed up for services and made purchases under different names from all different places. For example, a man used my email to purchase a jersey from a Phillies game, another woman in Ohio signed up for Chipotle Rewards a few months later with my email, and a few months after THAT I received an email that someone had signed up for Disney+ using my email. After extensive googling and trying to find the source of the problem I haven’t been able to find any explanation, aside from possibly a mistake on Google’s end. I don’t use the accounts and don’t touch them for the most part, but after I logged into Disney+ I double checked and sure enough there’s my email under account information, with almost no other information about the actual account holder aside from a linked credit card and an annual subscription paid in full."
So, onto the moral dilemma. Hamilton comes to Disney+ on July 3rd and I really, really, really want to watch it. My GF doesn't want me to give money to Disney as a corporation and promised to pirate it for me, but I'm impatient and jokingly threatened to get a one-month subscription. Then she mentioned the account and everything I've said before. As a joke, I was like, "go ahead and change the password so it can be our accout now" and after some convincing, she did it.
Now I'm sitting on my ill-gotten Disney+ account and reviewing my misdeeds. AITA? ###### | YTA that's theft
Edit and you changed the password, could they then report it as fraudulent? ###### |
Hi guys, been working up the courage to post this shitstorm for a while now, but here goes. I (16F) have a brother (21M) called Sean and we were raised in a pretty typical Christian household. We both were made to go through church school and Confirmation and all that, but we both stopped going to church after Confirmation because we just didn’t care for it too much. Both still consider ourselves Christians, just a bit lazy with it and maybe somewhat agnostic? Anyway, my brother has never had a girlfriend and he’s in the military now actually, so after high school he never really had time for one anyway. Our family always assumed he was straight since he had crushes on girls in high school.
I was taking with my mom—she’s pretty homophobic, but she’s always said she’d never kid her kids out or do conversion therapy for being gay, just that we would unfortunately be going to hell but she’d still love us. The topic of gay marriage came up and I was getting annoyed at her homophobia and was saying stuff like, “so what would you do if me or Sean were gay?” She got all quiet and kept asking me if he was gay or said he was—at first I said “no, can you just answer question though?” She kept on asking me like “has he ever said anything to you???” and I just got fed up and lied. I said, “yeah actually, but he was too afraid to come out because of your homophobia.”
Conversation ended, she called Sean and asked him about it. Just like in the sitcoms, it ended up being one of those situations where you expose yourself because you thought the person already knew the secret. He was like, “how did you know I was gay?” Mom said I told her. I was obviously shocked, because I had no idea. I explained to him that I didn’t know and was just fucking with mom, but he won’t talk to me now. I get why he’s mad, but it was an accident. I wish he were just mad at my mom for being homophobic and not me, but I guess it’s complicated since I still outed him.
Anyway, AITA? ###### | YTA that wasn't an accident dude you used him as a point against your mother wtf - even if he wasn't how do you think that call would have gone? "No?" "Well your sister said you were!" .... Like.... What? ###### |
This is a throwaway account because the father Im talking about knows my main. So yesterday my friend(f24) gave birth to a baby boy with her husband(24). He was very excited to see his baby for the first time and actually about to cry when he saw him. The problem came when he started talking about bringing the baby home when it was time. Before the baby was born my friend and I were looking through baby websites and found one that said having the mother and the child be alone for 1 month would strengthen the bond between them. We didn't tell the husband any of this until now and he was more than mad. He didn't scream at his wife because she had just given birth so he took me outside and started yelling at me saying that this plan was stupid and we were out of line making plans like this behind his back. I told him that it was for the better because the bond between the mom and son would become greater and that he should be glad. He asked me why he should be glad that he wouldn't get to see his newborm son for a month just because we belive some stupid post. He also said that I have no say in what happend to the baby because Im not the parent.
I told him that the kid needed this time with his mom alone and that the father didn't need to be there because he would just be useless and in the way. He just looked at me and walked back into the hospital. A day later and his side of the family and my friends are calling me and my friend an Ah.. So I should really be asking are we the Ahs? ###### | YTA That is total bs ###### |
Every time my mom has people over, she expects me to clean my room and make my bed in case someone comes in. I always tell her that people really shouldn’t be coming into my room, and she yells at me, saying that guests should be allowed to go wherever they want and it’s not up to me what they do. I know what you’re thinking: “It’s okay if it’s family though.” Actually, it’s not. I only see my relatives on holidays, and therefore don’t really know them that well, so it’s still like strangers wondering into my room without my permission. Who is the asshole: Me, my mom, or the guests? ###### | YTA Stop arguing with your mom and clean your room! ###### |
I have a 15 year old daughter, and a 25 year old stepdaughter. They did not grow up together and they don't like each other very much. My husband thinks his daughter is an absolute princess, so she can be something of a spoiled nightmare. SD has been married for a year and I always suspected my daughter had a crush on the man, which is totally normal, but I think SD picked up on it as well. This man is in his late thirties and has never once been inappropriate, but SD seems to think it is funny and will smirk at my daughter when she is with her husband. SD definitely thinks everyone is jealous of her.
Recently SD confronted us with a "love letter" written to her husband and signed with a fake name. SD said she trusts her husband and even if he did cheat he isn't into the sweet romantic type, so she thought the letter was a fake. I thought she was being insane but i confronted my daughter who broke down in tears. She wanted SD to think he was cheating and begged me to cover for her. I refused and I made her apologize to SD.
The thing is SD isn't really into social graces. I knew she was not going to thank her for apologizing or accept the apology or even act like a reasonable adult. SD smirked through the entire thing and then said ok and went home. My daughter cried after because she was so embarrassed. I feel like apologizing was the right thing, but I hate that I can't control SD and it kind of ruined the lesson. ###### | YTA Step daughter does not have to accept your daughter's apology graciously. She may be t a the rest of the time, but she is absolutely justified in this case - your daughter tried to break her marriage.
Crushes on older people happen. Pining is one thing, but action is another. Have you spoken to your daughter about how her attentions are inappropriate? I bet not. You seem to focused on the step daughter's flaunting. ###### |
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years, I’m 21 and she’s 19.
She’s currently living with me and my parents after an argument with her parents, I won’t go into the reason but I don’t think she’ll go back to speaking with them.
My friends have a friend, “Brad”, Brad is a doctor around 40 and married.
My girlfriend has always put an effort into her appearance but whenever we get told Brad is visiting it’s like she goes to the max; she’ll shower for 20minutes, literally scrub herself raw, shower for 30mins-40mins and absolutely smothers herself in perfume - as my grandmother would say she smells like a whores handbag.
I’m not worried about Brad being a problem, I trust my girlfriend and realise she just has a problem with male role models in her life and Brad has his shit together so she looks up to him.
Brad had visited two nights ago and was sat in the living room speaking to my parents when he asked me and her when we were planning on having children since she’s great with my younger brother (5)
My girlfriend gets super awkward around the topic of children because despite wanting to teach we got told that the chances of us having a biological child was slim because of lack of regular ovulation, plus at our age we’re not really thinking about it.
My mother has caught up on my girlfriends liking of Brad and knows why and kind of just said “Oh, I think she’d rather have them with you! Can’t blame her, who wouldn’t?!” As a joke, everyone laughed and continued.
My girlfriend is really upset with me for not speaking up because she apparently can’t because she’s staying with us rent free (even though she babysits,cooks and cleans for free)
My mother did apologise in the end but she kind of laughed too so I don’t think it counts.
AITA? ###### | YTA stand up for the people you love. Especially since it was your mother and it would be harder for your girlfriend to speak up in that situation. If you love her defend her. ###### |
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years now. Our relationship has been rocky lately, and the reason is because I don’t feel like he has involved me in his life or future. We’ve been working on it.
A really sore spot, that I brought up about 6 months ago, is his relationship with his ex-wife. They are extremely close and have a daughter together. However, I believe that their boundaries have crossed the line severe times throughout our relationship. For example, he’s let her vent to him about her personal life severe times, he’s let her use his car when hers was in the shop, she even called him one night when we were together (and she knew we were) to ask if he could come over because she was scared. She had a boyfriend during this time.
This, coupled with how uninvolved and unwanted I feel in the relationship, has been really rough. It’s an ongoing problem in our relationship, and he knows I’m bothered by it, although it has been getting better, if not slowly.
Last night, he told me that he would be staying at his ex’s house for a week while she was out of town to watch his daughter. He said it was because it was the easiest thing to do, but he lives in an apartment at which his daughter has slept over many times. I got upset and told him it made me uncomfortable, and that I can’t handle being in a relationship where I have to worry about his relationship with his ex having an element that I don’t feel our relationship has.
I’m honestly and genuinely looking to see if ITA, because it’s caused a really huge rift in our relationship. ###### | YTA specifically over your question here. The ex won't be there, and of course his daughter is more comfortable in her own home. That said, in a broader sense it does sound as if there's been some boundary issues between the two of them which I don't think you've been wrong to raise the alarm over. ###### |
My sister (33/F) texted me and the whole family to let us know she and her boyfriend were engaged. Everyone was like "congratulations!" but I left her on read and muted the chat.
My mom (72/F) texted me later and said that her sister was going to ask me to be her MOH and wondered why I wasn't responding. I told my mom that I didn't want to go to her wedding because I'm still single at 42/F and haven't had any luck dating recently or in the past few years.
I'm less conventionally attractive and more overweight than my sister and that sucks and translates over to my poor dating life and not having luck there.
My mom then texted me back and said that I was being a jealous bitch and that I'd better go, which is hilarious because I'm an adult and can make my own choices so AITA? I can hardly imagine a 70 year old woman dragging a 40 year old woman out to a wedding by physical force. I'm not going regardless of when it is. ###### | YTA sounds to me like you’re bitter and jealous. It’s not your sister’s fault you don’t have a relationship. It’s your choice either way, but yes, you’re the asshole ###### |
The title might sound a bit confusing but I’ll try to explain it here. Last Christmas, my parents were on vacation so they gave the gifts to me before hand to give to the kids. I have 3 kids with my ex, and my new husband of 2 years has 2 kids of his own. My mom has constantly taken the stance of “my grandkids are the 3 who came from you, your new husbands kids are not automatically going to get the same treatment as my real grandchildren”.
So for this past Christmas, she dropped off 2 garbage bags full of wrapped presents. My kids got clothes and toys while she got my husbands 2 boys a sweater and a small toy. Before the kids were able to open the presents, I unwrapped all of them to figure out which ones were toys. I than rewrapped the toys and added one of my husbands kids names to it. So this gave the appearance that the toys were for both my kids and my step kids. It wasn’t completely even because of the clothes involved, but I was able to make it that each child had equal ownership of the toys.
I told my mom about how I did this and she was pissed. She told me that I had no right to redistribute the gifts, and that she has money so she will take “HER GRANDKIDS” shopping to buy whatever toys they wanted (which she did, but that’s a whole separate AITA). She argued that my step kids live full time with their mom, and she has seen them only a handful of times. She firmly believes that my stepchildren are not her grandchildren. “I’ve seen the neighbor kids more than I see those two, so why don’t I just buy them a bunch of gifts too?”
My dad took my moms side and claimed that step relationships outside of the immediate household are optional. Especially since his kids aren’t really around. Things have since been fine, but this did cause a rift for awhile between my mom and I. So was I an asshole for this? ###### | YTA slightly. Your effort to mesh families is admirable, but your mother made her intentions clear. The kids should be able to understand that they are a blended family and that they have separate grandparents. Your mother even got them gifts. ###### |
A little context. I (M34) have always had a very sensitive sense of smell especially to unpleasant odors. They really bother me. I think I might be a super-smeller or something.
Anyways, this causes issues when my GF (F25) is having her special tie of the month. I understand that it is something that girls have to do but when she does it it leaves a bothersome odor in the bathroom that bothers me. It isn't that she doesn't keep herself clean. I never have to see anything gross or anything. But I can still smell it.
I tried talking to her about it nicely but she just got all upset and defensive about it even though I tried to say it as gently as I could, maybe because it was her special time of the month. She said that she can’t even smell anything but I can and it really grosses me out.
Later when finally calmed herself down I offered a very reasonable compromise. I asked if she could use the bathroom in the pool house during her special time. It wouldn’t really be that inconvenient for her. It is just outside across a small lawn, only about 20 feet away once you get outside. She got all mad again and said that if I didn’t like it I could use the pool house bathroom but I told her that that didn’t seem fair since I wasn’t the one stinking up the bathroom. Why should I be the one who has to go outside all the time?
She is still mad at me but i think she is being unfair. She doesn’t understand how much the smell bothers me. Some of our friends say that I am the AH though so now I’m not sure.
What do you thing reddit? ###### | YTA simply because you call it "the special time" and refer to women as "girls." Between that, the age gap, and this whole situation, you come across as the World's Biggest Creep. ###### |