ways of doing so. Moreover, we can change the effects ofother persons' diminishing and harmful communication on us and thenegative communication that exists within ourselves that tends tocauterize our souls.Three Kinds of CommunicationI have noticed that there are essentially three kinds ofcommunication -- functional, dysfunctional and congruent:Functional -- We need at least to have functional communicationwith our spouse, our children, our elderly parents, our relatives andfriends and those with whom we work. Functional communicationexists when relations are cordial and relatively pleasant. Unfortunately,theres a lot of uncivil and rude discourse rolling around America these days.We fail to return phone calls from a friend because we dont want to bebothered. Young people dump their latest date with a cruel and hurtful textmessage. Why do we need to be so hurtful?In functional communication, we seek neither to manipulate theother nor to be manipulated by them. When we leave the moment ofcommunication, both we and the person to whom we have beencommunicating have a satisfying feeling of being "OK." Functionalcommunication is, more or less, personal and respectful; it is healthycommunication. We also should have functionalcommunication out in themarketplace, too -- with those who onus in a restaurant and who serve us inthe checkout line of the supermarket. I must confess I have been guilty of yellingat telemarketers on the phone. But now Irealize theres a person on the other end ofthe line just trying to eke out a living; Idont need to make her day worse byyelling at her. But then again I was yelledat every day of my life for 18 years.We also need to have healthy orfunctional communication when we --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 3 communicate within ourselves as well. We need to treat ourselves aspersons -- respectfully and gently. But many of us dont do that! Many of us are very harsh with ourselves. Do you talk gently andrespectfully to yourself? Do you take the time to listen to what yourbody is telling you? What you are feeling right now? What thoughtsare racing around your head? What you want (intend) to happen rightnow?Dysfunctional -- This kind of communicationmakes either or both parties in the communicationdisturbed and feeling "not OK". Dysfunctionalcommunication is unhealthy communication. Oftenthis is because one or both parties wants to control ormanipulate the other or the conversation. This happensbetween spouses or between parents and children. People tend to become hurt through this kind ofcommunication and often withdraw within themselves. No communication (the famous silent treatment isdysfunctional communication. People need feedback. A word of praise. A thank you. We all do. We want toknow: Are we doing OK? Is there something wrong? If so what???When we talk down to someone else, treat them not as an equal, orwhen we allow ourselves to be talked down to, when we eitherdominate or let someone else dominate us, we tend to use the samepattern in communicating in many other arenas. Bickering is alsodysfunctional. We can learn to say what we mean respectfully anddirectly.Sometimes communication patterns are repeated over and overagain, even if the situation has changed. If a father or mothercommunicates harshly we may psychically end up with