thegoodfellas/blogset-br huggingface dataset:
not be a difficult job. When generosity does not come easily, many things can have influence over that - loving ourselves too much in the form of pride, telling us we need it more than anyone else or that 'we deserved it because of working for it'; lack of love compassion, failing to see God's image and likeness in the other and therefore using differences as barriers between us and the other; perhaps even plain negligence and failure to look beyond our own safe bubble; or excessive love for possessions, greed - but it definitely means something is wrong in our hearts.And setting aside our love of possessions has a great deal of impact on our approach to others, I believe. I say this from an experience I had about 3 years ago, when I was in a very bad emotional place. I felt like God was in the process of taking away from me many 'safety lines', things I thought were important in defining who I was. We were struggling financially, struggling as a family, people I loved very much left my life, and my last safety line (prestige, studies and a label of 'intelligent') was not supporting me in a course I had no vocation for. It was like all these things were the leaves I was covering myself and my shame with, somewhat like Adam and Eve - and so the removal of them made me feel exposed. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, empty and fragile. My hands were empty of things I held dear, like there was nothing more of mine to be taken away. (Note: obviously there was much more that could be taken away, God was very merciful in the way the process occurred! I was just too absorbed in self pity to realise that!)But I remember one day in particular, I was going home from univeristy. I was sitting in the bus and I saw two people that were clearly asian foreigners, but I couldn't place where from. They were speaking a language I couldn't understand, and I really did not want to do anything but sulk and stupidly feel sorry for myself. Until one of them asked for help in english, and I responded saying I did speak english. They were going to the same city I was, and so I said I would tell them when to get off the bus. My focus began to change away from myself. I looked at that situation, and I realised I had nothing to lose. I felt so many things dear to me had been taken away, that any form of fear or apprehension was stupid. So I took them to the city, got them subway tickets and took them to the station they had to go. They asked me curious "Why are you being so nice? Thank you!" They took pictures with me on the subway platform and gave me their e-mail - "In case you in China need help!". I chuckled to myself as I waved the two Chinese men goodbye and as I realised
that feeling low, tired and useless - without any security blankets - that is when your walls come down.Any time walking out in the street with something very valuable, it is easy to shy away from people that feel/seem menacing, but going out with no cash and nothing particularly valuable it is much easier to stop and talk to people, because we stop living in fear of loss.And so, perhaps with the realisation of the absurdity of calling anything "ours" - either material possessions, or degrees, or talents, or even people dear to us - and see that these are all things that belong to God and which we are only stewards of, that he can take them away as easily as they were given, we cease to live in fear and anxiety. Loss is no longer an issue, because these things never actually belonged to us - they were merely lent to us. And so it is easier to live in the fluctuations of events and circumstances when the One that is most important, the only One necessary is unshakable and has promised He himself will "never leave or forsake us" (Deuteronomy 31.6), and that is enough. This, perhaps, is the true source of peace.And, after thinking about all this, putting any 'possessions' into 2 suitcases and following Him and His will (which has been left pretty clear over the last few months) seems like a very generous and kind way of starting me off in the journey to leave the notion of "mine" behind.
Times of change happen throughout our lives. Birth is a traumatic experience for a baby, and coming into contact with a world that is entirely new is somewhat overwhelming. Everything has to be learnt, discovered - and many of the people 'instructing' you and desperately inconsistent and confusing. Growing up, we gain progressively more freedom, our bodies grow, change, and we continue developing. We come to the world as explorers, but generally for the first couple of decades we have a safe base we can go back to - the home, the parents, sometimes siblings. It is the safe haven that, in our moments of crisis - every explorer has their crisis and failures - where we can run to and feel safe. Of all these times of changes, for whatever reason, the main focus is puberty; it is a time that gets a great deal of attention because of the physical and hormonal changes going on. The dynamics of relationships change a lot, and social gatherings and acceptance change. When I was around 11 years old, I remember solemnly receiving a book called "happy adolescence" -which was in fact very poorly written, utterly uninteresting, and which I do not even recall having finishing due to thinking it was a waste of time. Also, I recall hearing from teachers, leaders and parents many things about this strange concept of "puberty" - I heard so many times about the changes I was going to go through, I never really understood the fuss everyone was kicking up. I just wanted to say "Would you just get over it, already?". Church and sunday school seemed to be trying to brain wash me with all these rules about the things that would change, without ever actually sitting down for an actual conversation or actually giving reasons for these rules, which simply irritated me because I was treated like less than a person, as if I were not capable of thinking. I was sick of hearing all these rules regurgitated and hammered into my head. Perhaps what made puberty most traumatic were not the changes themselves, but the dramatic reaction of those 'responsible adults' surrounding me telling me how traumatic it was going to be. In contrast with the pubescence when I presumptuously assumed myself to be 'all grown up' and 'very capable of making my own decisions', irritated by advice, I find myself currently in another crucial time of development and formation that is entirely opposite in essence. It is the sudden realisation of the foolishness of the arrogance of adolescence, when, faced with the world and responsibility, I realise how actually very not grown up or capable of making my own decisions I feel - even if I have reached the point it is non-optional to backtrack and run to mummy, and yet you crave help, support and advice. The phase I refer to is the early to mid twenties time of coming to the end of graduation. Up to now, things were pretty straight forward: School, pick a university course, stick to that for
4 to 5 years, get that done. From the point the course comes to an end, though, things get complicated - so, what now? There is no obvious formula. Academia? Continue studying? Work in industry? Start a business? Follow an irrational dream? Options and possibilities stretch out as endlessly as your imagination can take you, and it is quite overwhelming. Still, I do not believe the changes in career are the worst part. You are not only in a career limbo, you are in a life limbo. The safe haven of "home" many times ceases to exist. You are now a "responsible adult" (whatever that means). Running home in any crisis is not an option you can often go for. It is time to take on responsibility and administrate time and money: pay bills, organise housing, take care of your housing, work full time, keep your documents in order. You no longer have a moment of leisure, of letting someone else take care of things for you while you chill out. If you mess up, you have only yourself to blame. If you pick a bad health insurance, it's your bill you have after an accident. If you spend too much on a shopping spree, you don't have money for food. Also, not only practically, but also emotionally, this can take a toll. The feeling of going back home after living away for a long time many times gives you a feeling that, though you love the people there very much, that is not the place you fit in anymore - especially because many times family rightfully so have difficulty in seeing you as now a grown adult, and still see a funny toddler or a giggly baby that knows nothing of the world. This, combined with losing many friends, contributes to a feeling of non-belonging that can be a dangerous component triggering reckless choices of courses of action.The end of university also brings many social changes. Many times, it means moving away from the city you have been for at least the duration of your course - this means, apart from leaving a place that ideally you have associated with good memories, it also means parting with people that have been very important to you for in the least a few years. Your friends may move cities or countries, or you yourself might be the one moving. This means that adding to the pile of confusion regarding career, a terrible feeling of misplacement, an overwhelming feeling of need to 'grow up' and take up responsibility you do not feel ready to take on, holding it all together is a heart wrenching feeling of loneliness. Having all these complicating factors at play that place your life in this void lacking an obvious path to take contributes very often to very poor decision making. There are a few options of how to avoid these issues that I have seen in use,Procrastinate the issueMany people in the current twenty something generation around me I have seen opting for proceeding living at home depending on
parents while continuing studies in new undergrad courses or sometimes even with jobs and postgrad courses. Just ignore the issues arisingThis involves a great deal of distractions from the real demands or even a crisis of loneliness by spending unhealthy amount of time working, drinking, partying and/or in shallow relationships. Give into the despair or lonelinessMany times, resulting in anxiety, depression and many times in catastrophic outcomes, such as suicideCease to be lonelyMany times people engage in unhealthy relationships to cease, even if momentarily, to be lonely. Many of these relationships are rushed, emotionally based and many times (especially in religious circles) result in premature marriage. What this attempts to construct is the feeling of "safe haven" in an alternate way, by starting a new family. However, giving into that impulse in such an important and life changing decision in a time of crisis very often results in problems worse than the initial ones - not only affecting one's self, but also another person. Very little is said about the difficulty of this time of changes, which is surprising given the fuss kicked up for the much smaller issue of puberty. The whole crisis of the twenty something limbo came as a complete surprise, and it hit me full on like a blow to the face when I least expected it. Perhaps due to not knowing the need and importance of dealing wisely with such circumstances, we have many 30 year old teenagers in the world, or people making such bad decisions. Maybe, we are just such a spoilt generation, that we are just really reluctant to get our act together and grow up. Therefore, I do not have a precise formula as to how to deal with this phase of life, especially because I am still in it, and thus my view is partial and clouded. However, what I can do is share some things that have kept me sane in these very strange, confusing and at times overwhelming circumstances. Whatever is the case, I think it's important to talk about the challenges and to seek support from people that are older and wiser. Even communicating with other people also in the same phase is important - it's a great deal of relief knowing you aren't the only one struggling. People in the same situation understand, have empathy and perhaps you can help each other out. Secondly, it is important to be in check with yourself and your feelings. I know, it sounds sentimental, and so on, but feeling secure in yourself and your value as a human being takes away the whole 'seeking approval' thing, and can help your time of 'loneliness' become rather a time of solitude - a time to learn, to get to know yourself more, and figure out what really is important in your priorities, convictions, natural abilities and skills. Knowing these things makes you less susceptible to impulsive decisions, and can help you plan out a potential course to take. Also, examine realistically your circumstances. Common sense goes a long way in decision making. Lastly,
I think the only thing that has kept me sane throughout the whole process is knowing that I'm not just an aimless wanderer floating helplessly in the hands of circumstances or feelings. As a Christian, I believe that God is sovereign, and he has a will for my life - I also believe I have a free will to choose what I want to do, but from experience I have found it's a better idea to seek what his is. Rationally, asking help to someone who is omniscient (aka, knows all things) for help is a good plan. If he knows all the variables at play in all of space and time, why not try to get his help? Many people, even if Christians might fear this out of love for their own dreams - and this is something I am still trying to learn to let go of - or out of fear of what might come. God's will is good, perfect and pleasant (Romans 12.2), even if not painless or easy. But something to consider is that God made us, along with our talents and aptitudes - so it makes sense that his will likely may involve things you like and are good at, even if in an unexpected way. He also knows what really matters to you long term - sometimes having less money at a time can teach something that can impact you, your love for others, your soul eternally, which has infinitely more value than having money in a particular time of your life, for example. So we can trust him to make things cooperate for our ultimate good (Romans 8.28) even if our concept of "good" is different from his. Of course, this "his will" can mean a great deal of things. It can be hard, painful, illogical and many times counter-cultural. Sometimes, people might think you are a crazy fanatic, as was the case of my grandpa, who with a degree in naval engineering and in medicine, knew english, latin, french, spanish, greek and hebrew, left a developed country to come to the back of beyond of Brazil to be a missionary - note that Portuguese is not on the list. But, steady your convictions and go for it if you are very sure of something. At times, one might regret seeking his will at all. However, in my personal experience, God has worked out amazing things even in the chaos of my life. He has given me more than I could ask or imagine, and in seemingly bad circumstances he put around me taught me many lessons I otherwise would not have had if I had decided things on my own. Even if sometimes I cringe at the "Your will be done" with some fear and apprehension, I would rather be a headless chicken in his hands and in his control than be a headless chicken distractedly running towards a precipice of selfish, vain, prestigious and materialistic ambition that is hidden behind the social convention of "do what makes you happy". And so, in
the end of my conclusion, I think seeking a purpose and having something bigger to aim at has kept me running the race (though sometimes it's more like a maze than an olympic track). It's a complicated and weird time, but I think that if we can even get out of "exploring an entire new world" as toddlers and the arrogant time of puberty alive, we can probably get away with learning to be a "responsible adult". Perhaps making failures into teachers rather than defeaters, is lesson #1 in survival and growing up.
Whenever I am asked what I do, the word neuroscience generally makes people react with surprise and some awe. Generally the initial surprise is followed by: "Wow, you must be really smart then!". But, in reality, it is not a particularly glamorous job. The smell of decaying tissue, the lab coats with smears and duck-taped gloves, none of it feels particularly remarkable.About half of my time is spent in a lab handling things that are toxic and transferring very small amounts of liquid from a vial to a plate - 96 times per plate multiple times a day. It is repeating, repeating and repeating things to have statistical significance and half of the time not have any idea what the heck is going on. This is how a series of bad experiments over the last seven months, a lot of uncertainty regarding the future and a few other issues culminated in the rather pathetic (if not comical) sight of me walking down the darkened road, in the rain, at 9.30 pm after 12 hours doing experiments that never worked, while water soaked into my bones in the cold - the weather only adding to make me very frustrated and angry with the powers that be. Buried in a hole I dug for myself of self-pity, frustration and immature ranting, I couldn't help but wonder: what's the point of all of this? What good do the prestigious titles of 'neuroscientist' and 'master' do when I am literally trying to figure out why a particular chemical that only half a dozen people in the world care about reacts in such an inconsistent, chaotic way with my cells? What is the whole divine purpose of this nonsense? Why have I been weak after weak facing so many nasty uncertainties and issues? Am I being foolish trying to find a higher cosmic meaning in my small stupid first world problems? After all, what is my purpose if this is how I spend my days? In fact...what is my purpose at all? A quiet statement silenced my mind and halted my rant suddenly: "Your purpose is to glorify Me. And you can do that in failure as much as in success." This was a very revolutionary thought. Can I glorify God in failure? How? Doesn't everyone always pray for the church event to 'be a success for God's glory'? Or for so and so to be 'healed for God's glory'? Isn't God only 'blessing', 'working', showing his love and glory when the sick child is healed, the meal is provided in the time of hunger and when thousands of a random village in the back of the bush accept him due to the work of missionaries? How can God possibly be glorified when things look like they have... well, gone perfectly wrong? I thought about Jesus' ministry: people questioning him because of his humble social-economic background (Matthew 13.55, Mark 6.3), calling him a glutton and a drunkard, friend of sinners and traitors (Matthew 11.19, Luke 7.34), plotting to kill him and trying to stone him (John 8.59,
10.31), trying to push him off a cliff (Luke 4.29), pleading that Jesus will leave their town (Mark 5.17), religious leaders plotting to kill him (Matthew 12.14, Mark 3.6, John 11.45-57), and ultimately was betrayed by one of his closest friends (Luke 22), his own people pleaded for him to executed (Luke 23.21) and for a thief to be released instead of him (Matthew 27.21). For someone that wanted to bring God's love and salvation to people, that sounds like a pretty terrible ministry. Probably if he were a missionary and kept bringing back these stories of failure no one would want to support him. And yet God says he is well pleased with Jesus (Mark 1.11, Matthew 3.17, Luke 3.22), he fulfilled what he was supposed to fulfil (Matthew 1.21) and God exalted him (Philippians 2.9). Wait... what? Prosperity gospel is the belief that God will bless you with health, wealth and other earthly blessings and, though not all churches claim to be aligned with that line of thought, it seems that the general concept of God blessing us with earthly concepts of success has slowly permeated Christianity. Perhaps it is some sort of Newtonian concept of thinking good actions result in good reactions from the universe, perhaps it is some form of trying to make Karma theological. Maybe it is the influence of capitalism and the trading assets and benefits. But Christianity sometimes looks like a bargain to some people: if I am a 'good' person, therefore God should allow good things to happen to me; if I am a Christian, then God should make me happy and successful. God loves me and cares about my happiness, therefore he will provide me with my dream job, a long life, a good wife/husband, with successful results. If something is going wrong, then I am not being good, Christian or holy enough. However, the overwhelming Biblical evidence is that that belief is just utterly wrong. Hosea being married to a prostitute and suffering from it for a metaphor God wanted to use, Ezekiel's wife dying for God to get a point across, the suffering of Jeremiah, eleven of the twelve disciples following Jesus and Paul being martyred in horrific ways, from an earthly perspective faithfulness to Christ looks like a pretty grim path to take - but that is exactly it. Christ suffered. Christ died. And the same fate came to many who followed him. Our culture today, in the exaltation of positive emotions, has come to believe that God loving us necessarily means he wants us to be happy over all things. But, though I would imagine he would want us to be ultimately happy, he knows that we cannot truly find happiness apart from himself and the way he designed us to be: holy. God puts our eternal holiness over our temporary happiness. By saying this I do not mean to say he is this terrible being that will make us suffer until we realise how we need him, in fact, he provides many sources of temporary joy and happiness