thegoodfellas/blogset-br huggingface dataset:
price. Doyou truly think anything more than our bodies sating can come outof an affair with me? Yet, I will not leave my profession foranything less, Rio. I cant. He gripped Riodans hands. Icare for you more than Ive ever dared feel for anyone. I dontwant to lose the love that we canshare just to slake your lust or mine.Riodanlifted bright eyes to him. His lips curved in a crooked smile. Thesight nigh broke Dylens resolve.Ithink its best I move out of your house, he said, his voicebreaking as he struggled not to reveal the extent of his hurt. Helifted a hand to forestall Dylens protest. I didnt tell youbecause Id hoped staying on would He shook his head. Avain dream and a foolish one. He drew a shaky breath. I foundlodgings in the east district two weeks ago. Paid six months rent onit as a matter of fact. Its time I stopped imposing on you andyour adda.Dylenstared at him, the implications of Riodans decision rapidlysinking in. Youre saying goodbye, he gasped.Yes.Rio...Ilove you, Riodan thickly said. I cant make do with less.Why not?Riodanbitterly chuckled. You might as well ask me why I cant stopbreathing. He rose, pulling Dylen to his feet as he did. Imglad I met you, Dy. I only wish we could have ended our acquaintanceon a happier note.Heseemed to hesitate then drew something from inside his tunic. Hesilently handed Dylen a tiny parcel covered with gold tissue andgestured to him to unwrap it.Dylenopened the parcel and winced. A wristlet of beaten gold and wovenleather with a heartsfire clasp nested within the delicate wrapper.The significance of the deep red gem struck him hard.Heartsfirewas the stone of lust and passion. The meaning behind the hetharesearring of a heartsfire within a gold loop was readily evident giventhe nature of the profession. And a young Deir upon reaching the ageof consent signaled his intention to begin sexual exploration bywearing a heartsfire stud on his left ear. But heartsfire was alsothe stone of intimacy and commitment. The gem set in gold wasindication that the bearer was betrothed or in a long-term liaison.Coupling it with another precious stone signified either of twothings: that the wearer belonged to the gentry or aristocracy or wasthe concubine of a member of the upper class.Thepresence of the stone on any other piece of jewelry was the giversunspoken request for permission to commence courtship and, if he woreit, the recipients acceptance of the givers intentions. Dylenlooked at Riodan in consternation.Correctlydivining the hetharsexpression, Riodan softly said, I dont expect you to wear it. Iknow it would be highly inappropriate for you to do so now. Andyoure not one to offer false hope either. But I had it madeespecially for you, and I cant imagine giving it to anyone else.So please accept it. Even if you never wear it, I will find comfortin the thought that you care enough to keep this gift of mine.Dylenbit his lip. Swallowing hard, he nodded and pocketed the parcel.Riodan suddenly pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face for amoment in the crook of Dylens
neck. And then he let go and,without a word, hurried out of the parlor.Dylenfelt the weight of loss keenly. He knew Riodan would be gone by thetime he got home. He sank down on the couch once more, his eyesstinging from unshed tears.Itwas unlikely he would see Riodan again.ChapterFourOffenseDoyou regret your decision? Hirlen softly asked.Dylenpaused in the midst of sorting through freshly laundered clothing. Hestared at the shirt in his hand without really seeing it. At length,he tossed it to one side and turned to face his father. Behind them,the late morning sun streamed in through the bedroom window to gatherin a pool of light on the now vacant divan.Iregret it, he readily admitted. But not because I think Imwrong. Only that in doing so I have lost a friend. He sigheddolefully. I wont deny I miss him terribly, Adda.But I did what I believe will serve both of us best.Hirlenfrowned. There are times you must think of your own needs, Dy. Ofwhat your heart tells you.Andlisten to it? Dylen said skeptically.Ohyes. Its only rarely that the heart has anything to say. We liveby our reason more oft than not. Therefore, when the heart speaks,its best to hearken to it. It maynt happen a second time.Hirlen shook his head. The chance to love may pass us by and nevercome our way again.Dylenpaused in his sorting. You speak as if...Asif Iknow something of it? Dont we all to some degree? Hirlen placeda hand on Dylens, stopping him from continuing with his chore. Hepulled Dylen down to sit by him on the edge of the bed. I didbecome very fond of someone a long while ago. But, like you, Ithought there was no place for love in our world. Or the likes of mein his. So I let him go. Do I regret it? Hirlen shrugged.Sometimes. When I long for the company of a good Deir. But then,what I felt for him hadnt become a true and mature love yet. And Iwouldnt have had you in any case if I had taken the chance then.Thenwhy do you urge me to do as you didnt? Dylen challenged.Hirlensaid, Because I feel you have given your heart as I never fullydid. He lifted his hand and stroked Dylens raven locks.Whether you wish it or not, Riodan owns it, and none will ever beable to take it from him. Hirlen tenderly regarded Dylen. Am Iright?Dylenlooked away. Would that I could claim otherwise, he murmured.** * *And,if you like, we can then go to myRio, are you listening?Riodanlooked at his companion guiltily. Ithan was regarding him none toopatiently. He could not blame the other Deir. He had been paying onlyhalf a mind to him since they met for the midday meal in theUniversity dining hall. Now they were supposed to be discussing whatthey would do after classes.Itwas the end of the week and the last day of the midterm examinationsof the summer term. There were only the oral examinations to endurethe following week.Imsorry, Ithan, Riodan murmured. What did you say?Ithanpouted. Youre leagues away again. What in Aisen are youthinking
of? Ah, its that hetharyou introduced me to, isnt it?Riodanreluctantly nodded. I cant help it. I keep wishing wedparted on a better note. As it is... He sighed. I spotted himthe other day. He was on his way back from the market with hisfather. I smiled at him when he saw me and he smiled back but, well,he didnt look very happy.Nothappy to see you? Ithan pressed. Im not sure, Riodansaid. I hope not.Ithanthrew an arm around his shoulders. You have to put him out of yourhead, Rio. You cant go about in a fog all day on account of him!Riodanoffered him a lopsided grin. Youre right, I cant.Hetried to focus his full attention on Ithan. The latter was quitegood-looking with his light brown hair and pale heavy-lidded eyes.And he was warm and amicable, almost brashly so. It was not his faultthat neither his looks nor personality could compare to Dylensdark beauty or his subtly seductive amiability. But, really, whocould? Riodan strove to be more appreciative of his friend.Whatwas it you were saying we could do later? he asked. Ithan smiled,mollified by the interest shown in his suggestions.Ithought we might watch the mummers perform in Temple Square then havedinner at the tavern near my boarding house. The food is quite goodand cheap besides and the servings hearty. And the ale is wonderful.Strong and nutty I tell you.Thatsounds well enough. Afterwards we can go to my rooms. Riodanhesitated. Your rooms?Yes.You havent visited my quarters yet. And I have some good wine Idlike to share with you. Ithan smiled at him entreatingly. Dosay youll come, Rio.Riodanexperienced a frisson of unease. But he could think of no reason forit or a decent refusal of Ithans invitation. Besides, what harmwas there in spending a few hours at the latters lodgings?Allright then, he agreed. Ill meet you in the square at fivebells.** * *Hirlenasked one more time, Are you sure youll be all right?Dylenhad to smile at his fathers display of protectiveness. It isntas if this will be the first time I shall be by myself, he pointedout.Butnever longer than a fortnight. And with no one to serve you.Tarqin needs a holiday as much as you. Ill be fine, Adda.Hegently pushed Hirlen out the door and urged him down the steps andtoward the waiting coach. Tarqin was already seated up front besidethe coach driver. Dylen assisted his father into the conveyance andwaited until he had settled himself within.Now,go and enjoy yourself. But not so much that you forget to write!Hirlen chuckled. And you take care, Dy.Iwill. Veres keep you, Adda.Dylenwatched the vehicle as it lumbered down the street, bearing Hirlenand faithful Tarqin away. His father would be on holiday for threeweeks in Belthin, a resort town in the north of the seaside fief ofGlanthar. Since it took three days to travel to Belthin andanotherthree to return to Rikara, Hirlen would be away for a month at thevery least. Dylen sighed heavily as he returned to the house.Itwould be a long and lonely month.** * *Riodanwondered why he had agreed to accompany Ithan to his student quartersafter dinner.
to hisfeet. Stay away from him.Thestudent forced himself into an upright position. He dared to meetDylens eyes. He wouldnt have been with me in the first placeif youd given him what he desired, he mumbled.Dylenlooked at Ithan incredulously. What?Ithangulped but pressed on. I tried to deny it to myself, but I knew Iwas just asubstitute.And not even for anything more than company. Its you he reallywants. But if you dont give in to him, this could happen again.Hes fortunate it was I who was with him.Dylentook a threatening step forward, prompting Ithan to back into thecorner of the couch in fright.Youhave a lot of gall to paint yourself so favorably after abusing him,he snapped. I did notYes,you did, blackguard. He told you to stop, but you continued to touchhim. Ithan looked down, unable to refute the statement. Stayaway from him, Dylen repeated. If you get close enough for himto catch even a glimpse of your face, Ill come for you. And Iwont just break your back. Ill make sure you have nothing leftto stick into anybody ever again.Witha final glare at the terror-stricken Deir, he strode to the door,yanked it open and stalked out, slamming the door behind him soforcefully it rattled in its frame.** * *Itwas nearing sundown by the time Dylen returned home. He had passed bythe Seralye to inform Zarael that he would not come to work thatevening. To make amends for his absence, hed helped Zarael screena number of guests who hoped to become full patrons of the club.Afterward, hed paid a visit to a regular patron of his. The Deirwas a member of the board of trustees of the State University.Dylenwas certain he had convinced Ithan of the wisdom of staying out ofRiodans way. However, he was not above using whatever means at hisdisposal to ensure that Riodans erstwhile friend never troubledhim again.Hefound Riodan anxiously waiting for him in the parlor. The youngerDeir rose to his feet when he heard Dylen mounting the stairs.Wheredid you go? he asked fearfully.Gesturingto Riodan to reseat himself, Dylen joined him on the couch. I paidIthan a visit, he said.Riodancaught his breath. Saints above, he whispered. What-what didyou do? I nearly strangled him, Dylen readily admitted. ButI thought that was too easy anendso I thought of beating him to death instead. You didnt...Riodan half-bleated.Dylenshook his head. I decided to give him a chance to explain hisside. At Riodans incredulous gasp, he put a soothing arm aroundhis shoulders. He admitted that he gave you a philter to make youmore receptive to his overtures. When you asked him to stop hethought you were just stalling, that you were still too tense. And hedidnt expect you to pass out. The drug was supposed to make youamorous, not lose consciousness.Heheld on to Riodan more tightly when the latter began to shakeviolently and tried to rise from the couch. You have to hearthis, he insisted.What?Riodan said disbelievingly. Listen to a detailed account of how heviolated me? I cant believe that youdid! His eyes beginning to tear, he averted them.Ialmost didnt, Dylen said. I was ready to tear
his head off.He lifted a hand and cupped Riodans chin, compelling the youth tolook at him. While he was preparing you, you began to weep andplead for help. And then you fainted.Whichis when he raped me, Riodan spat out bitterly. When I couldntdo anything to stop him.Buthe didnt.Riodanstared at him. What?Hedidnt go on, Rio, Dylen said emphatically. He couldnt.Not when he heard you crying for help and saying how sorry you were.Tome.He paused to let the information sink in. It struck him finallythat he was forcing himself on you. That you really didnt want tocouple with him. And, that if he continued, it would make him arapist.ButI felt something... enter meinside me Riodan stuttered. Hetook a deep breath. How do you know he was telling the truth? Hewas probably just so afraid of you.Dylenshook his head. I have my ways. Trust me when I say he didnttake you. And as for you feeling something... Well, he prepared you,didnt he? I think thats what you rememberhis fingersstretching you.Butit felt like more than that. Bigger.Howwould you know? Youve never had anything up your arse before. Onefinger is intrusive enough; what more two or three? Riodanconsidered this then slowly nodded in agreement. Dylen continued.But you can confirm this for yourself. I didnt ask you at thetime because I assumed that he hadraped you. Now I want you to think back. When you woke up, were youin pain? Was there any discomfort at all? Did anything leak out ofyou? When Riodans eyes widened in obvious contraryrecollection, Dylen smiled faintly. The lack of seed aside, evenif you had been willing, you still would have felt somethinganache or soreness. Anal penetration always leaves some discomfort, butespecially after the first time.Riodangazed at Dylen. I didnt feel anything, he whispered. Nopain, no discomfort. Not even the-the stretching. I was slippery fromthe oil he used but there was noNothing leaked from me. Riodangulped. He did tell you the truth. He didntI was notHe heaved a shuddery breath. Merciful Veres...Heturned and buried his face in Dylens shoulder as sobs wracked hisbody, the full import of his discovery hitting him with storm force.Dylen held him, rubbing his back soothingly. He did not notice howmuch time passed, and it was only when he felt his arm begin to crampthat Dylen loosened his hold on the younger Deir. By now Riodanssobs had subsided, and he seemed to be calming down at last. Dylensqueezed his shoulder reassuringly.Hedidnt rape you, he reaffirmed. Thank the Maker for that. Butit doesnt change the fact that he molested you. That he druggedyou to make you more compliant and went on doing things to you afteryou told him to stop. Never go anywhere near him again.Riodanshuddered. I dont even want to see him. Not ever.Youwont. I warned him not to show himself to you. I told him I wouldgeld him if you so much as complained that youd caught a glimpseof him.Astrangled laugh escaped Riodan. Oh heyas,you didnt, he sputtered.Idid, Dylen said with a slight smile. I was going to break hisback with my bare hands. What makes you think I
wouldnt castratehim?Riodanguffawed though it was clearly more an expression of intense reliefratherthanhumor. At length, he sobered and, drawing out of Dylens arms,leaned back wearily.Ifeel so drained, he moaned. So tired.Ofcourse you do, Dylen said, ruffling his hair. Why dont weeat something? He rose from the couch and headed for the stairs.Is soup fine with you?Fora moment, Riodan stared after him, startled by the sudden redirectionto so mundane a matter as dinner. But then the wisdom of groundingthemselves in practicalities after such a gut-wrenching discussionregistered.Yes,its perfectly fine, he agreed, following Dylen downstairs tothe kitchen. He busied himself toasting bread over the fire whileabove, the flavorsome saltedmeatand vegetable soup from the midday meal slowly heated up once more.Meanwhile, Dylen put together a simple salad of sliced fruit dousedwith honey-sweetened cream.Theydid not bother to go up to the dining room but ate their meal at thekitchen worktable. Riodan was still in a bit of a fugue and said verylittle. Dylen let him be. It was only when they were done eating thatDylen broached the subject once more.CoveringRiodans hand reassuringly, he asked, For what did you need myforgiveness, Rio-min?Riodanstarted then flushed. Oh, that... He bit his lip then mumbled,It was several things actually, not just one. At Dylensencouraging nod, he said, I was sorry for not listening to youabout misleading Ithan. He called me a tease when I went home withhim. He cringed a little when Dylen scowled then hurried on. Iwas sorry for stupidly putting myself in that situation after youdwarned me about him. He swallowed hard and looked down at thetabletop. And most of all, that it would be my first time anditwasnt going to be with you.Dylendid not reply. But he patted Riodans hand before getting up toclear the table. Let me do that, Riodan quickly offered.Dylenregarded him hesitantly. I think you should come back and livehere, he said. When Riodan started to protest that he was fine, heswiftly added, Its for my sake. I know you dont want to becoddled. But I can see how affected you are by what happened, and itbothers me. So, until I feel more secure about you living by yourselfagain, I would like you to stay here.Riodanlooked searchingly at him for a while. Finally, with a crooked grin,he replied, All right. For yoursake.Dylensmiled back. Well then, thats settled. Now I need a good, longsoak, he decided. This is one day I want to forget.Notall of it, Riodan muttered under his breath as he set aboutputting the kitchen in order. But Dylen heard as he walked away.ChapterSixSurrenderAfterwashing up, Riodan returned to the parlor and extinguished the lamps.He then went to Dylens bedroom. He listened for sounds from thebathing chamber, but it was quiet. Had Dylen fallen asleep in thetub? He peeked into the chamber. Dylen turned his head almost as soonas he did.Riodanblushed, abashed at being caught and affected by the glimpse ofDylens nakedness. No matter how many times he had seen the hetharin the nude, he had never gotten over his shyness. Even now, whenmuch of Dylens body was obscured by the bath foam, it still hadthe
profession arenot promising. But it doesnt hinge on that alone. Much will dependon your determination to make it work. And I do mean both of you.Iunderstand, Adda,and I assure you Im not leaving matters to chance. But I prefer tobe prepared for the worst. I dont believe Riodan will break myheart if thats what you think I fear. Hes one of the mostconsiderate and honorable Deira Ive ever known. But I am afraidthat when he enters the diplomatic corps, our relationship willbecome a liability to him and, well... He sighed. That mayforce us to part whether we wish it or not.Andyou think you can steel yourself against the hurt?Enoughto pick up the pieces and move on, yes, Dylen admitted. But fornow, I am savoring what we have so dont worry about me. While wehave each other, I intend to make the most of it. I do like beinghappy, Adda.Its having to give it up eventually that I find troublesome.Hirlenshook his head. Only you would couch it in those terms.Dylengrinned. By the way, what is this Tarqin mentioned last nightabout you retiring?Oh,Ive been thinking about it, Hirlen admitted. My holiday wasso restful I find myself yearning for more time to do as I wish. Iveset aside a goodly bit already so I wont be a burden to you, Dy.Youare not a burden! Dylen protested.AndI intend never to become one, Hirlen firmly said. I know youhave been saving much as well, and I applaud your prudence. But do itfor yourself. Youll never know when you may need every littlepiece you earn. Especially if the fates favor you and you wind upleaving the fraternity.Dylenheld up a hand. Lets not go there. I distrust false hopes. Willyou tell Zaraelyourself?Ofcourse. He deserves that courtesy after all these years. And healways treated me well even when I had to absent myself frequentlyduring your growing years. But I doubt Ill be much missed byanyone. Why, I havent gone to the Seralye every day this pastyear.Youwill be missed, Adda,and you know it, Dylen good-naturedly chided him. There arevery few hethareleft at the Seralye who remember the old days and all the gossip andintrigues of those times. I wouldnt be surprised were Zarael tooffer his services once more for the taproom parties should guestscall for someone who can regale them with stories of years gone by.Retire by all means if you truly desire it, but dont think youllbe easily forgotten.Ashe finished speaking, Riodan walked over and joined them. Are youtruly retiring, Teris-dyhar?he asked.Imseriously thinking about it, Hirlen replied. I should like tovisit friends, too. Many of them did not settle down in Rikara afterleaving the Seralye but went to live with their children in otherfiefs. Eventually, I may do so, too.Dylenlooked at him startled. Without me? You would leave me behind,Adda?Only for a while, Hirlen said soothingly. You could join meshould you choose toleaveour profession.Hecould? Riodan blurted. He reddened when father and son stared athim. I mean I was surprised that you had even considered thethought, Teris-dyhar.Dy has always made it seem that he will remain a hetharinto his later years.