thegoodfellas/blogset-br huggingface dataset:
sure I could handle myself. So I stood my ground, fixing my gaze on my fists pressed on the counter top.Jay, you know I didnt... He tried, and I saw his left hand reaching for my shoulder with my peripheral view.I dodged it just as he was about to touch me.It doesnt matter. I stated over his words. I know you want to be with her. I looked at him and his eyes were a mix of confusion and hurt. I know you were talking about her that Sunday at the pool with Bella. And I heard you saying you like her just now.He huffed and shook his head slightly. You got everything wro...Whatever. I disrupted again. Youll just keep trying to convince me you did nothing wrong. I diverted my eyes from his face and exhaled heavily.Jay, can you just, please, let me explain? He tried, but I shook my head. Youre not letting me talk, youre not listening to a word Im saying...Cuz I dont care. I said, low but harshly, breaking his tentative speech once again, too afraid of what I would listen. Not anymore. I sighed and bowed my head deeply, feeling it heavy between my shoulders. Just... Be away from me from now on. I demanded and moved, intending to get out of there. For good.But Edward wasnt having it. Wait. He held my arm, strongly, and I was forced to stop. He turned me around to him with some force, but I could tell he was trying hard not to hurt my arm. What are you saying?!I looked into his eyes and I could see it... I could see clearly the dread he felt over my attitude. He could recognize the situation, I could tell. By the hurt gaze he was addressing me, I knew... He realized wed been there before, in that exact situation... Getting apart. And he knew well the hurt that was about to come. His as well as mine.I felt strangely accomplished. It was terribly selfish on my part to feel and think that way but, at least he was hurt like I was.Im saying that were done. My tone sounded incredibly steady. I told you... Back then... When we made amends after that whole Alice shit... I was pretty clear when I asked you to be loyal, to tell me everything and not to hide anything from me again... I told you I wouldnt forgive another time. Not another betrayal... And you did it. You did it again.I didnt. His voice was broken and I had the impression there was a bit of fear in his gaze.But it didnt matter, because I was determined. Were through, Edward. I spoke hurriedly, before he could finish his sentence. And this time... Were through for good.I guessed he understood I was being dead serious, cause before the last of my word got out of my mouth his hand loosened its hold on my arm, and his face was suddenly livid. He heaved a weighty sigh while tears were pooling in his eyes.Good.I took two
steps towards the door before I heard him and stopped.Youre being unfair and irrational. Youre not letting me explain. I didnt do anything. He paused. I shook my head and heaved a sigh before taking another step. Jasper, if you go through this door... I sighed again and turned only my head to look at him. ...I wont go after you like last time. I felt a twinge in my heart, but the anger, the jealousy I felt, and my stupidity, spoke louder.Fine. I replied indifferently.I didnt look back another time. I marched firmly until I was out. Only when I notice I was on the porch, at the backyard, in front of the pool and all my friends, I realized how disturbed I was. I could have gone out through the kitchen outer door, and avoid all the curious glances directed at me at that moment.I spotted Bella, sitting with my beloved sister, Jacob and Emmet on the pool border. She had this anxious, worried glint in her eyes. The others seemed agog, but trying to hide their concern.I panicked.I don't know why, but I simply felt terrified, as if everybody knew what I was hiding...I was dreading the idea of being there among them. I could not face them. They knew something had happened between me and Edward, they were going to question me, and I could not answer...I had to get away. But I was stuck on the spot, aghast.Jazzy! I heard the familiar annoying voice and looked promptly to my side.Suddenly I knew exactly what to do.I rushed down the porch steps to her and took one of her wrists impulsively.Take me outta here. I spoke hastily.Alice nodded immediately, taking my hand and pulling me with her.I didn't look at my friends. I knew they would be puzzled with my unusual behavior, after all I avoided being alone with Alice at all cost, usually barely speaking to her. But I looked back at the porch, before turning on the corner of the house, just to confirm what my awareness was telling me.Edward was there, looking at me and Alice, perplexed.*What time is it?I was in a bed, in a room... A familiar room.Where am I?I couldn't remember... I closed my eyes.Feel better? The annoying voice forced me to open my eyes again.I sighed and looked to the side.This is Alice's room. What am I doing here?I realized I was in her bed. Shit! At least I was still wearing my jeans. I hadn't done anything stupid. I looked at her. She was lying by my side.I need to get out...What am I doing here? I verbified my previous thought.Resting. She said with a large smile.Oh, I remember...You took me to the Backdoor. You asked Sally to let us in and she complied, even though it was closed. Alice nodded.You drank a lot... She completed. And when you started to mumble about Edward, Sally and I thought it was better to take you home.I panicked. I had talked about Edward to Alice? I was doomed.What did I say? I
urged, sitting hastily.Nothing comprehensible. She said shrugging.I sighed, relieved.You said you thought you should take me home. She nodded, mischief glowing in her eyes. So why am I here?You asked me not to take you home. She shrugged. You said your mother would call you father as soon as you got home that drunk, and then he would come back from the training camp just to kill you. So I brought you here.Thanks. I said plainly. What time is it?She looked calmly at her watch.Fifteen to two.For a split moment I was tranquil. It was still early and I wouldn't be late for dinner. My curfew wasnt suspended just because my father was travelling. Hed usually call by eight just to make sure Rosalie and I were at home and having dinner with mom. But then I looked at the window and noticed the darkness outside.Fifteen to two... PM? I asked already feeling the dread.No. Fifteen to two AM. Alice answered nonchalantly.Holy shit! I panted. My father will kill me.I pushed away the sheet that was covering me to the waist and got up in a hurry, as if the world was falling apart, almost falling flat on the floor. What are you doing? She asked as I stepped out of the bed.I need to go home. I was supposed to be there at eight... I answered while putting my shoes that, thank God, were on the floor right in front of me.Your mother knows you're here. No need for panic.I straightened up and looked at her hastily.She knows I'm here? I asked skeptically.uh-huh, as well as Emmet and Edward.The mention of his name, much more than the notion that he knew I'd been in Alice's house (room, bed!), kind of shook me. I was really hurt and still too angry. But I contained myself.Care to elaborate? I mostly demanded.She shrugged and smiled, the pixie demon.As soon as we arrived here you practically fainted on my bed. I tried to wake you up but you were totally out. So I called your mother and said you had a terrible stomachache, and that I had given you a medicine that would make you sleep for some hours. She winked at me. She asked if you were alright and I confirmed, then I said I thought it would be better if you stayed here. She thanked me and asked me to take care of you. Some hours later your father called from camp to check if you were better and I said you were still sleeping. He thanked me. She smiled. I think he still likes me. She said with enthusiasm.I frowned. Yeah, he still liked her. He often asked me why I had broken up with her. I never exposed my shame... But so I could understand how easily he was convinced by her lies. I also was once...What about Emm and Edward? I sat on the bed by her side. My voice was strained.She sighed happily, seeming too content. It made me restless.They were here something like an hour ago... She spoke
with such joy, I knew she was up to something. Here in your room? Why?Emm came to ask me to tell something to our parents. She told me calmly, shrugging again.So they saw me. I mumbled unhappily.Yep!I bowed my head, feeling not only worried, but also ashamed. For sure Edward was even angrier at me, thinking I had given in to Alice, what would be a screaming proof of my weakness.I didn't want anyone to think I was a stupid lovesick bastard, that even after all she had done to me I would run to her bed in the first opportunity. Especially not Edward.I sighed thinking how disappointed in me he was by then.It doesn't matter anyway. Were done... Who am I kidding? I still care. It doesn't matter we're done. I don't want him thinking I have anything to do with Alice. All of a sudden Alice's hands were on my face, forcing me to look at her. I shivered involuntarily.Since you're here, why don't we take advantage of this perfect opportunity? She actually giggled. And I controlled another shiver. Alice, this is not an opportunity. I cut her off coldly. This is just a regrettable mistake. I shouldn't have gone out with you in the first place.I held her hands, took them off my face and stood up. She sighed.Don't be so difficult. You know you want me.I have to go. I said ignoring her completely and picking up my shirt on the nightstand.You don't. We still have the whole night, pumpkin... Alice whined while I was putting the shirt on and getting to the door. I had to gather all my willpower to prevent myself from snapping at her. We have the house to ourselves. My parents wont arrive until six and Emmet just went camping with Edward.I looked at her barely controlling the surprise caused by the information, but letting my despise for her show.I want nothing with you, Alice. I simply used you. I needed an excuse to get out of Edward's house, and you were there. My voice was cold, as my gaze on her. Dont be fooled.I know its never gonna be this simple between you and me, Jazzy... She replied, conceited. I know you still have feelings for me. You can deny all you want, and pretend youre so over me... Cause I know the truth. Her stance, as her tone and her facial expression guaranteed me she really believed in what she was saying.Poor Alice.I chuckled once before shaking my head.Go ahead and think whatever you want, candy. I spoke wryly making an ironic use of my former nickname for her. I couldnt care less.And that said I got out of her room and hurried out of the house.Previous chapter Next chapter
I was decided. I would close my eyes and jump head first and then I would worry about whatever came to me.I was willing to swallow the pain I would feel, no matter how strong it would be, just to make amends and fix the shit I had made.I was going to apologize to Edward, tell him I was wrong, I was crazy, I had lost my mind over nothing, I was being a jerk, an ass, a terrible friend. I would ask for his forgiveness, tell him that I was actually OK with him dating my sister and assure him that what had transpired between us would never happen again.I knew that it would be the hardest thing to do, be around him while he dated my sister, facing the fact that we would always be friends but never more than that. It would crush me a little every day, but I guessed I could deal with it with some effort. The only thing I couldnt deal with was his absence. I wouldnt bear to be away from Edward anymore. I was certain of that and it was time for me to be a man and work with what I had. I had his friendship. A friendship that meant more than anything else in my life. His friendship was the most important thing I had and I wasnt prepared to lose it. So I decided I would fight for it.I was decided.I just needed an opportunity.I had called Edward. More than once. Id been trying to contact him since Friday, after my talk with Emmet. But the thing was, he hadnt answered or returned my calls.He was blatantly ignoring me. And I deserved it.It was Sunday again. A whole week had passed since I screwed everything up between us. I was at Emmets house, with him in his bedroom, just breathing a little and recomposing myself after disclosing to him everything that had been going on with me since my birthday.I didnt really know how we got there, but only two days after my confession to him, I felt very comfortable to open up. It happens that the big guy was a very good listener. We had arranged this second conversation on Friday as we were leaving the clearing. Hed offered me his ears in case I wanted to talk some more. Hed said he could imagine how I was probably piling up stuff since I realized what was going on (which was definitely true) and that he would be there for me if I needed him.I had Bella, for sure. She was my wingman, the person I would go to if not to Edward. Shed been the very first person to know about my feelings for him and shed been there for me along this whole shit from the beginning. But I had been avoiding her just as Id avoided Emm, and now I didnt know how to approach her. I was certain she would be pissed at me, rightly so. So I was letting things be for a while.
Besides, it was nice to be able to count on a male friend, since he could understand a little better my confusion. Of course it was a bonus that he also was the best friend of the guy I was in love with.Not that Emmet was going to be able to help me. No one was, actually. But he could have a different perspective of the situation. I dont know... It was just nice to have him knowing everything. Besides, I knew I could trust him.Man... Youve been having a very rough time. He said after a while in a humorless laugh. Now that I know all of it, so many things make sense...I just nodded, feeling kinda relieved he was OK with it all and was not freaking out.Have you heard from him? I asked hesitantly.I called him yesterday, but we didnt talk much. Emm answered in an apologetic tone before shrugging. He doesnt seem hes up to talk lately. But he mentioned your calls. He did? My voice was clearly eager. What did he say?Emmet pursed his lips and diverted his eyes from mine momentarily, and then I knew it wasnt good.Well, at some point of the conversation he asked me if I had seen you, and when I said yes he asked me how you were. I didnt lie. I told him you were not OK. I nodded, showing him that I was fine with Edward knowing the truth about my emotional state. Then he said youve been calling him but he hasnt answered.Did he tell you why? Emmet creased his forehead. Actually, yes. But Im not sure youd want to listen, Jay.I took a deep breath. I want to listen. I affirmed.You sure?I nodded.The big guy exhaled, interlaced his hands and rested his elbows on his knees. OK. he sighed, obviously hesitating. He said he wanted to assure a clean break.I heaved a weighted sigh, feeling my heart getting abruptly heavy inside my chest.Im sorry, Jay. I know that after our talk you were really willing to fix things, and I still think you can do it. Youll just have to go after him and insist until he listens to you.I nodded again, my eyes roaming unfocused. My mind was immediately far away from there, running a thousand miles per hour through all the possible attitudes I could take to fix the mess I had made. Why dont you go there? Emm asked. He wont be able to avoid you if youre in front of him.He can simply kick me outta there. I stated the obvious. Then I sighed, knowing that was the obvious approach. This is probably what I should do, Im just... Afraid. he completed with an understanding gaze over me.I nodded for the third time.I dont think he would kick you out. The big guys voice was firm and certain. Maybe hes just waiting for you to take the first step.I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly while thinking Its only fair.Then my cell phone rang. I fished it out from my jeans pocket
and sighed.Its Bella. I said looking at my cell screen, unsure if I should answer.Wont you answer it?I dont know... Ive been dodging her calls since Monday. She must be really angry at me.Well, you wont know unless you answer. And I think you should. Shes probably very worried about you. Emmet insisted subtly. Do you want me to...? He asked pointing to his room door with his thumb above his shoulder.No. I shook my head. You already know everything. I shrugged. Just wait.He nodded and leaned on the back of the chair he was seated on. I stood up and went to the window.Hey, sweetie. I greeted her, my voice obviously careful.Dont you sweetie me, where the fuck have you been? She asked hurriedly in a low voice. She sounded really angry. Ive been trying to reach you since last Sunday. Why youve been dodging my calls? I needed some time to... I started to answer cautiously. Nevermind, I cant take too long. She cut me off harshly. We need to talk. Today.OK. You want me to drop by?No, dont come here, Ill go to your house. She rushed through the words. I have to go, Im handling something right now. But you and I will talk later. Face to face. She was truly disappointed and angry. I could tell.Right. I replied feeling a little ashamed of my attitudes.And Jasper, She called me by my first name. She never did that. Do not try to avoid me again. Well talk today whether you like it or not.She meant business, much as Emmet had two days prior.I hear you. I wont avoid you, dont worry. I hope so. Wait for my call. See you.See you. I replied and she hung up soon after.I looked at Emmet, and he seemed deep in thought. He was still on the same place, in the same position, but looking blankly ahead with an expression of understanding that I couldnt really decipher.I used to feel jealous of you... he said in a steady tone, then looked at me with a slight smile on his lips. Youre the main reason Ive never gone after her. His smile got broader as he pointed with his chin to my cell phone.Fucking damn shit! At least something good would come out from that mess.I knew it! I laughed a little. I knew you felt something for her!He laughed briefly, averted his eyes from mine and nodded.I thought you were in love with her. He explained. I also thought she had feelings for you. The way you two behave around each other... The usual pecks for greeting and goodbye, the way you talk and touch and interact... Though I never understood why you two werent officially dating I was sure there was something going on. And youre my friend, I didnt want to mess things up between us, or come between you two, so... He shrugged.I had a crush on her once... I confessed, feeling a little at ease with the change in subject, and he looked at me again, expectantly. Nothing
happened. She dismissed me without even blinking. He laughed and I followed. Were just friends.Pretty close friends. He tested, still a little suspicious. You two kiss all the time. On the lips.We just peck each others lips, Emmet, and its not all the time. Its a tender gesture between two best friends that really love each other in a pure way. It became kind of automatic, actually. I dont think we really think when we do it, we just do it. I shrugged. Theres nothing carnal about the kisses we share, theyre so brief and superficial. But, yeah. I confirmed. Were pretty close. So close that she was the first one to know about my feelings for Edward. I bowed my head, remembering what was happening in my life right then. He nodded with a compassionate look in his eyes, and I looked through his window to avoid exposing the heaviness of my hurt to him.Will you tell him some day? His question reached me in a subtle tone. About how you feel.How do you think he would react? I asked without turning to him, then sighed.I cant be sure, but I guess he would be OK with it. I turned to him, surprised with his impression. Youre his best friend. The connection you two share... he shook his head slowly. Its not something that can break easily. And you loving him the way you do, its not something bad, you know... Its not a crime or an offense, and its not like you had a say in this, you couldnt have controlled it even if youd tried. It just happened. And you know Edward. Hes a very enlightened person, hes intelligent and open minded. I doubt hell freak out over this. I sighed and looked away, assimilating his words and what I knew was true regarding Edward. I didnt know what to think about telling him about my feelings, I guessed I was not ready to take that step yet but, maybe, once things settled down, I would reconsider coming clean to him. We remained silent for a little while. Then I started to think about my actions again, and about how angry Bella seemed to be with me. I became fastly restless.I think Im gonna go to Bellas. I said while returning my gaze at him. I couldn't bear waiting for her call. I needed to save at least one of my most important friendships. I was already losing one, I didnt want to risk the other.Emmet nodded and stood up. Ill take you to your car.We were already outside the house when I decided I needed to give him a tip.You know, Emm, you should do something about that mistake of yours. I said as I was opening the door of my car. He looked at me puzzled. Not going after Bella? I hinted.He smiled broadly.Do you think I have a chance? I could see he was really in doubt.I laughed lightly.I dont think. I know. And I winked.If that was even possible, his smile got wilder. Thanks for
the hint. Ill make good use of it. Call me if you need anything. I nodded. See you later, Jay-bro. He said while I entered the Vanquish.I waved a hand at him and pulled out. It was time to face Bella.*I parked the car in front of her house and got immediately nervous.Carlisles BMW was just five meters away.At first I got a little puzzled with what Edwards dad would be doing there. And then I remembered that Edwards hand was hurt, probably immobilized, so he couldnt drive.And then I immediately understood why Bella rejected my going there. Edward was in the house. Carlisle was waiting for him.I entertained the possibility of leaving.Man up and take advantage of this opportunity. Came the thought without my conscious permission. I took a deep breath and assumed there would be no better moment. He was there, I was there. He wasnt answering any of my calls and I was very hesitant in barging into his home cause I didnt feel I still had the freedom to just get in like I used to. So this was probably my only shot. Gathering all the courage I had I got out of the car. At the same time that Bella opened the door of her house.I got stuck where I was, seeing Edward emerge from behind her. My heart jolted and started to race in my chest. My breathing got heavy and laboured. My mouth went dry and my throat constricted. I was a nervous wreck instantaneously.God, I missed him! The first thing I identified was the arm sling he was using. Then I saw the cast his hand was in as he withdrew his arm a little so He and Bella could hug.They hugged each other in an awkward angle, and I could see Bella saying something to him, but I was too far to be able to listen. Edward nodded and kissed her forehead. Then turned to where I was.I know its not possible, but I really felt as if my heart had stopped for a fraction of a second. Actually, it was as if everything around me had stopped while he was moving in all his glory.He was so fucking beautiful it kinda hurt me... His face was perfect as ever, even with the dark circles that were adorning his gorgeous eyes. He seemed a little thinner, but it was probably just an impression. He seemed placid, his face registering no clear emotion. That is, until he saw me. The pace changed abruptly, everything returning to its normal flow as his expression assumed this mix of chagrin and hurt... I couldnt identify well which. I was immediately mortified with the way he looked at me.He diverted his eyes from my face faster than I could follow, and resumed walking towards his father's car. I tried to ignore the heavy pain in my chest, consequence of his reaction to my presence, and I looked briefly at Bella, who had an angry disapproving look directed at me. I looked back at Edward and despair took me,