The Importance of Being EarnestAuthor: Oscar WildeFIRST ACTScene Morning-room inAlgernon's flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artisticallyfurnished. The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room. Laneis arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased,Algernon enters.Algernon. Did you hear what I was playing,Lane?Lane. I didn't think it polite tolisten, sir.Algernon. I'm sorry for that, for yoursake. I don't play accurately---anyone can play accurately---but I play withwonderful expression. As far as the piano is concerned sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life.Lane. Yes, sir.Algernon. And, speaking of the science ofLife, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell?Lane. Yes, sir.[Hands them on a salver.]Algernon. [[Inspects them, takes two,and sits down on the sofa.]] Oh! . . . by the way, Lane, I seefrom your book that on Thursday night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr. Worthing weredining with me, eight bottles of champagne are entered as having been consumed.Lane. Yes, sir; eight bottles and apint.Algernon. Why is it that at a bachelor'sestablishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely forinformation.Lane. I attribute it to the superiorquality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households thechampagne is rarely of a first-rate brand.Algernon. Good Heavens! Is marriage sodemoralizing as that?Lane. I believe it is a verypleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to thepresent. I have only been married once. That was in consequence of amisunderstanding between myself and a young person.Algernon. [[Languidly.]] Idon't know that I am much interested in your family life, Lane.Lane. No, sir; it is not a veryinteresting subject. I never think of it myself. p.452Algernon. Very natural, I am sure. Thatwill do, Lane, thank you.Lane. Thank you, sir.[Lane goes out.]Algernon. Lane's views on marriage seemsomewhat lax. Really, if the lower orders don't set us a good example, what onearth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense ofmoral responsibility.Enter Lane.Lane. Mr. Ernest Worthing.Enter Jack.[Lane goes out.]Algernon. How are you, my dear Ernest? Whatbrings you up to town?Jack. Oh, pleasure, pleasure! What elseshould bring one anywhere? Eating as usual, I see, Algy!Algernon. [[Stiffly.]] Ibelieve it is customary in good society to take some slight refreshment at fiveo'clock. Where have you been since last Thursday?Jack. [[Sitting down on the sofa.]]In the country.Algernon. What on earth do you do there?Jack. [[Pulling off his gloves.]]When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amusesother people. It is excessively boring.Algernon. And who are the people you amuse?Jack. [[Airily.]] Oh, neighbours, neighbours.Algernon. Got nice neighbours in your partof Shropshire?Jack. Perfectly horrid! Never speak toone of them.Algernon. How immensely you must amusethem![Goes over and takessandwich.]By the way, Shropshire is yourcounty, is it not?Jack. Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of course.Hallo! Why all these cups? Why cucumber sandwiches? Why such recklessextravagance in one so young? Who is coming to tea?Algernon. Oh! merely Aunt Augusta andGwendolen.Jack. How perfectly delightful! Algernon. Yes, that is all very well; but Iam afraid Aunt Augusta won't quite approve