details of her experience, the subtleties that getlost in ordinary consciousness and conversation. As she did so, she said, You just cantcount on anyone. She grimaced as if the words tasted bitter.I responded, You feel betrayed and bitter, huh? I wanted to contact what wasstirring inside, beneath the impulse to push away. Contacting her emotional experiencehere opened a doorher eyes welled up with tears and her lower lip began to quiver. Iresponded, These are some strong feelings. It looks like youre fighting with them a bit.As she tried to answer, something softened inside her and she began to weep.Part of the process of healing for someone whos been entranced by a rigidly selfreliantbelief structure is learning to risk the emotional vulnerability that can lead to aresponse from another person thats different from an earlier experience of childhoodneglect. Without pushing in any way for increased abreaction, recognition of the internalbattle between expression and containment shifted the balance toward the former,allowing Jane to show me more of her vulnerability.Much of the impact of trauma stems from isolation. Telling ones story to anattentive, warm listener will begin to reconsolidate how the memory is held. Whiletherapists cant change the past, we can offer a place in which its no longer held alone,but in relationship. This builds attachment.Exploring MindfulnessStudying an experience while its happening presents opportunities absent fromordinary conversation. One important element in Janes internal model of relationshipwas how she held herself apart from others. In a later session, I wanted to construct atherapeutic experience of mindfulness that would enable her to experientially explore theneed to be invulnerable.Jane, I have an idea, I said, Ill say something to you, and you can noticewhere it lands inside. Notice the response. It could be a thought, a feeling, a sensation, animpulse, memory, fantasy, music, or nothing at all. Would that be OK?Asking permission is always important in establishing a genuinely collaborativerelationship based on safety and equality. Once she agreed, I let myself shift into aslower, more mindful state in which I could begin to notice the details of my own internalworld and start to track her moment-to-moment reactions even more precisely. With thehelp of limbic resonance and the activation of mirror neurons, she, too, began to let herattention focus inward.OK, I said, Let your attention go inside so you can notice whatever happenswhen I say these words. (Pause.) Jane, your needs are important. I said this not toelicit agreement, but quite the opposite: I was looking for the parts that disagreed. Again,this was guided by the knowledge that people like Jane, who have a set of implicit rulesof relationship, tend to protectively deny their needs. I wanted to bring this reaction intoconscious awareness.She opened her eyes for a moment, Yeah, sure! she mumbledsarcastically, moreto herself than to me. Now, emerging in consciousness, we had the part of her thatdictated toughness.Great! I said. Lets invite that part to be here. It sounds like a street fighter.Yeah, she replied, Needs are the same as disappointment.I asked Jane to turn her attention inside and let her own words echoNeeds arethe same as