thegoodfellas/blogset-br huggingface dataset:
thought shimmered in the storm. Hard to take notice.He grinned, now thinking of all the things he had to fix in his life. It wasn't fair to blame her for that, but it couldn't be helped.Her grip was still strong. Lowering the body once again to get closer, and knowing it would become each time harder to hold that hand begging for blood, she started to speak. The distance between the blade and the neck lessened.I know you are very angry now. And that was my goal.Very close.You will have to believe me. It made me see the last night, I saw what you said, and the entire discussion. But I noticed something while seeing that through his eyes, it got weaker. When your anger goes out of control it can't see your thoughts, it is unable to drain you. I believe it show me that in order to create a conflict, even though it does not get to take much advantage of you when you are sad, it does not get at bay.The blade now touched her neck. Just a little bit more until it could enter.Just a little bit more, and she will pay.Now, I know those things may bring you down, but it was the only way...A small drop of blood formed. Her voice got weak and unsteady.Listen to me...He could hear, but it was hard to reason. Each time he realized that wasn't right, the voice came with a bigger flood of violent thoughts. He knew he might regret that, but it was just too hard to step back. He could never go back, he held too much to just let them go away. They all had to pay. They all would pay. Things weren't going well, but he would make it better. Alone, for alone he wouldn't have to worry about others. And he wouldn't have to relate to anyone, deal with the harsh parts of friendships. And if she was right, not even Daven would be a problem anymore. For it wouldn't be anymore. Nothing would be.A gentle touch covered his cheek.Thank you for the company, too.She didn't take any step back also.The storm exploded. And in the aftermath, when senses came back, their foreheads touched each other, the knife was shaking alongside his hand. Her hand still covered his cheek. Blood flowed timidly.
I like it here. Very, very much. It makes me wonder...There's so much you should be told. So much I think about, so much you could think about. What goes through your mind? Are you as crazy as me?Have you ever felt like digging your own grave? And you notice it but you can't stop anymore because it is what you do? Or because when you look at it, it looks so beautiful. You decorated it with all the details you'd want to have around... And now it looks like home.It feels like digging graves, looking around for you. Because it is hard for me not to care about what people say, I know it is not a good habit but these die hard.Sometimes I think things that look awesome, but then they seem to somehow disappear in this ocean.If only you could see all I'm seeing. And perhaps if I could see what you see, then maybe. Maybe, right?I'm holding paradise right now, but not like I was a few weeks ago. The needy part of me won't override this, even if I feel miserable, I'm holding. And it is awesome. I will work hard enough to get paradise again, and we'll make sure the tables are turned by the end of the year.I still feel these tears trying to get out, and it is hard to keep aware of reality. But we're making some progress down here. And you...Perhaps you're worth the dig. Worth the risk. Maybe you will like paradise. This is going to be so fucking awesome, man!Yeah, I'm sure it will.Do you want to join us at the soccer game? We are planning to go all the way to Newcastle to see the match between Brazil and New Zealand.Oh, the Olympics, right?Yeah! It is going to be awesome! We can go from Scotland to England really easy!Cool, I'm buying the plane tickets.It was funny to think that it was somehow easier to talk to friends who were abroad, far away. Those who were close seemed to be distant, and it wasn't their fault. And by feeling some sort of remorse for letting them stray away like that, silence reigned.Like a vicious cycle.But he was truly decided in buying those plane tickets to visit a friend in Scotland. The university was on strike, so there wasn't much to do. His friend's joy of receiving visit from such a distance was enough. For thinking too much he didn't feel like radiating happiness.But it would be fun.Fun...It was of fun that the darkness fed off him. Being sad made it weaker, being angry made it weakest. Angry meant to be completely devoid of its influence. Was it a good tradeoff?Sometimes he felt it was, sometimes it felt like a stupid question. The negative answer was obvious.And thinking about that felt strange because, it could probably hear, or read. It would get aware of the situation sooner or later, it would know he had discovered this weakness in the bond.But that would have to be thought of later, the dwindling relation
between him and his friends was more important. But what was there to be done?He grabbed his cellphone. Passing through all those chats, sometimes entering some to see the last messages. Wondering how could so many of those boxes have such old "last message" timestamps. There had always so much to talk about, and there still were things they could talk. Or perhaps he could just listen, the last weeks felt like... Empty.If he could get rid of Daven, would the emptiness go away?I feel strange.What do you mean?It's like, being even more tired than before. But as more intense as it can feel, it also feels like a different type of being tired.Perhaps...Hm?Perhaps it is draining even more now.Even more... I thought about it these days. It probably already knows of my thoughts. It knows I am aware of the weakness.It might not worry much. You can't be kept angry forever. I don't know if one can endure such fate.I'd rather not have to hold such burden. Perhaps if I'm sad for life?Sad... Forever?Forever is a bit too long, but, if I keep on being sad for a very long period, it would get weaker right?Indeed, weaker and weaker. But it has already drained incredible amounts so, I'd say it can hold on for longer than you can keep up with that choice.Well, something could... Kill it, right? Like that day it killed, that thing.That's a difficult gamble...Perhaps......Moreover, would a life like that be worth living?"Worth living" is something that depends a lot on the point of view.Yes, but...If you think solely on the point of choosing to be sad, it is more of a sacrifice that may not bring anything. Or you can see it as I see...Her eyes were staring at his. He seemed different saying these things. The curiosity in those eyes shadowed the huge scar....It is more like a war. And defeating it would be an achievement. If it chose me for, I don't know, being the best generator it could find, then perhaps I am the only one who could be up to the challenge. It is weird to say those words, it is not like being full of myself. I guess it is more in the sense of having to see it as something I can do, so I don't give up.It is a strange concept to me. But if thinking that makes you feel better... I just think that it may not be a wise move.I was never much the wise type.She smiled.I could see that on the first day!Aw, come on! I was taken by surprise!The smile faded a little.Yeah, I know...He saw a glance of the face she made that day. How could he say anything about that day without referring to the scar. The eternal sad smile that tore her cheeks.But you know, I'm very glad that I had that day. Not only because I had a small victory against my fear, can't say I truly overcame it. But, Daven did one good thing. Sometimes I'd wait for the night to
come just for the chance of having such a nice company.She stared at him with a face that is hard to describe. It was like a void. Like someone who isn't sad but has no way to react to what just happened.I know this is quite weird, but I'm glad you're here.The eyes turned downwards. He wondered if everything was okay. But before he could ask, she started.It is good to hear that. But you must remember that there is also the company of your friends. They can walk by your side all the time, not just at night.I know, but...A tear made a small circle on the sofa.Thank you.He looked at her hair. That was not how he expected it would be. Those were some strange days...I have a request for you.Sure! What is it?Do not choose to weaken it by torturing yourself.But I won't torture myself, I'll just...DO NOT!He leaned backwards.I... Well, okay... I just don't know any other way...You'll figure out. But promise me you won't go through any of those you mentioned.I...She raised her head. Her eyes were closed, forming a strangely happy smile, as if it was forced. As if it hurt.Because I promise that if you choose to go through any of those two, I will come for you.His heart raced.I... Promise. I won't do that.Her face went back to normal.Good. Now, let's go for a walk.A walk?Yes. Let's walk around the city, I know you enjoy that.You sure?Yes. Let's generate much more energy than he could ever think about draining this night.His thoughts blanked.We won't be sleeping this Saturday. Go get ready.Trying to hide the grin, he nodded and walked to the bedroom. But one thought then made its way through.Isn't it dangerous to walk around the city at night? I mean, it is not very safe and all...She couldn't believe he worried about that. It sounded so silly it was funny.Hahaha, unsafe? Are you really worried about that?Oh, yeah, I forgot...A week had passed.The plane tickets were bought. His friend was preparing their schedule. Those would be two weeks on the United Kingdom. Those would be two weeks travelling through the country visiting castles and seeing impressive landscapes. Two weeks without worrying about whatever bothered him in his daily routine.But it worried it.And thus it came on his sleep.He was used to waking up in the middle of the night. And so he did, and sat on the edge of the bed.We have been busy these last days, haven't we?And darkness grew.
Set your clocks.It comes now.Nothing you do.Can restrain these thoughts.And if these hours.You stand your ground.And keep thy heart.There may be sound.But fail you.One minute too long.A shame unsure.Forget the song.I guess I need to sleep. The boy who held the bell held it for far too long. And no pounding beast could release it, no matter the bruise, as dry as his eyes got.While it may be true that some would rejoice to call these hours the fated return, and feast on the fear of a past that's set both solid and liquid, I will not let this be the Babadook.I will not let this be my Babadook.I will not let this be Babadook.I will not let Babadook.I will not Babadook.It's unfair to memory and living. I'm not sure who are the demons, nor if there has to be new among those who dwell by my side. Although it's said that changes are the only certainty, perhaps we can bring a twist to this tired ruin.I won't be weak. And I won't feel my head. And all these organs aghast. We'll just move through. With fear and darkness and death. For all these loose ends deserve to sleep. And so do their owners. Today I had a very weird dream and I saw children dying in horrible ways. It is not relevant. I also saw a friend that can't be called friend anymore because we failed each other, trying to send me an email. I couldn't see the content and that is damn frustrating until now.I am going back and forth. Every time I see a beautiful girl it brings me down, everything sex-related devastates my mind, and when people tell me I should do this or that in order to talk to some girl it is a major failure. Perhaps this fear has already been absorbed as to become a part of me.What stands in the light is the fact that this is driving me insane. I'm not sure anymore I want to fight back. Maybe... Nothing. There's nothing. I just need to take some time to rearm. Get away from people. Avoid drinking. And sleep.Make the bad thoughts go away.By burning or by bleeding.But make my face beautiful.For scarred I am.And don't ever let me wake up.By hunting or by killing.But hug me upon failure.For scarred you will be.Deep down we are all clowns. Can I give you a hug?Ahn... sure...I've done something today. I know this might look a little bit stupid, or silly, or whatever you may call it...It's been a long time since I last took the first step onto these kind of things. Going straight to the point, I held a girl's hand at the movies. Sounds like something that should have been done a good dozen years later. I'm aware of that, but better start later than never, right?It was almost as what I heard for years and years, not that much technical but the basics are pretty much there. It was fun. Like... being out there in the field, knowing that every next
step can be make or break, it's hard to calculate probabilities. It's... good.I'd rather not go much longer on this one since I have to sleep soon.It doesn't matter if you're the only one cheering for something, as long as it is something.
Damn man, I should be sleeping. But I don't wanna sleep.I don't like this feeling. It's like, feeling alone.I have to man up and talk to people. I have to talk to people. I need to get out of this.To be honest, I'd just like to lie my head on someone's lap and close my eyes.I can't cry anymore, the time for that is long gone now.I am a selfish thing that has a lot of things but grieve for those I haven't.I see you right there, I know you're on my side. I thank you for that. Every message you send feels like a star shines somewhere in the darkness. Don't you worry, I'll keep on fighting. But I'm too weak. You know, I still think about her. Despite all I was told. I have to try harder. I don't want to be one of those people that cannot be helped.I don't want.I think I'm growing bitter. And envious.Could I please just lie my head on your lap for a while? I promise I won't speak a thing. I won't bombard you with negativity.At least it is sealed within.This all feels silly.I can only offer money in return I guess. Don't take it as an offense. That's all I've got. It makes the bad thoughts go away for a while. Think of it as my time. One of the most precious things I could have.I feel drained. I... Believe, no. I hope... That all these strange thoughts about fixing things are the result of being too tired. I don't really understand when am I tired. I have serious problems with things that have to be felt. Perhaps all the times my mood just flopped badly at the end of travels were just, being tired. I don't know.Some things I read and try to think help to amend this. But for the first time burning places down made some strange sense. Maybe I'm just tired, right?Things will get better.I'll find a way.P.S: if you get to read this, don't worry. I promise to finish the story at all costs. It has been hard to write because of my travels, I just wrote this for I needed to take it out of my head. As ridiculous as it seems, being in Vegas has a very bad side effect in me. She walked outside the elevator, two apartment doors faced her. The walls were white, a mirror hanged by her left. She didn't like mirrors very much. At least this one wasn't very bid not did it look threatening. The lights had went on when she moved out of the elevator, but it wasn't pitch-black dark before. She rang the bell.A few seconds later, the door at the right was being unlocked. It opened fast.Hey there!Hey!He welcomed her into the apartment. It was a big living room, two mattresses lied on the floor in front of the sofa. The lights were off but there was enough illumination due to the big windows at the balcony right across the room. The curtains were slightly opened.She
had been there before to, just like this day, watch horror movies. Some of the movies he showed to her were interesting. She would sometimes bring some movies too. They'd normally watch two movies. He loved that genre, and seemed to be deeply interested in trying to find movies that could scare her. It normally succeeded due to some jump scares. But it didn't feel enough for him.She'd find it strange, that pursuit of fear. Even though he seemed to care about her at the end of every movie, there was also a strange look in his eyes. He longed for that lasting fear that walks behind you when it is bedtime.Somehow, however, it felt safe. To this day, it was only jump scares. Some of the stories or characters were genuinely scary, and there was a eerie feeling at times, after the credits. Did not suffice but it always felt a little bit closer.Popcorns were being prepared. They normally chatted during those explosions in the microwave. Topics regarding life in general, some events, some things that were funny. Then, after it was ready, it was time to go to the living room. He'd usually ask if she was ready, or which one would she like to watch first. She always asked which one was scarier, but he always had a hard time answering that.It was hard for him to point out where to find fear in a movie, and had been so for a long time. But he still ranked some things that were present in these movies and that could perhaps get to her. Always trying to avoid spoilers, for it killed the surprise factor that could add to the possible fear.And this is the day it all started...
Eu queria poder Voar pra bem LongeOnde eu nao possa Ver toda essa MiseriaOnde eu nao consiga Escutar essa IgnoranciaOnde nao existam pessoas de Cabeca Vazia, de Alma VaziaEu quero fugir dos Teus OlhosMas nao quero sumir dos Teus PensamentosSe e que algum dia eu estive laEu queria que voce se lembrasse de mimComo alguem que te desejouE que um dia quis estar ao seu ladoEu poderia ser como voce quisesseMas eu precisava que me dissesseDissesse que sentia a minha faltaEu poderia fazer o que voce queiraMas eu precisava que voce me desejasseEu poderia te-lo amado mais do que ameiMas precisava que Tambem me amasseEu vejo a miseria tomando conta da cidadeE Apagando os SorrisosEu vejo a Alegria dos olhos daquele que nao ViveNao vive como Nos, que vive Apos, que vive Sobre nos.Ele nos olha de CimaEle Nos olha Por cima, sentindo-se Maior, sentindo-se Melhor.Eu vejo Odio nos olhos de quem SofreEu vejo a tristeza, Eu vejo Miseria, Eu vejo choro, Eu vejo dor. Durante a noite eu perco o sonoDurante o dia estou indispostaEu procuro pensar em tudoMas volto para a mesma respostaA pergunta dos meus problemasE a resposta das minhas duvidasA pergunta dos meus sentimentosE a resposta das minhas angustias Porque a ilusao que a vida trazE mais doce que o carameloPra que esperar a pergunta Se eu ja descobri a minha respostaO que eu quero e uma vida doce Nao ter que esperar o que nao vemPoder sonhar todas as noitesAcreditar que voce e o meu bem! Sensacao sombria que me consome por cada gesto, cada pralvra, cada lembranca que me vem de voce.o sofrimento esta virando rotinaa saudade continua aqui, batendo costantemente,me lembrando dos nos dias de ouro,das nossas noites de romanceSera que so eu sinto todo esse sentimento assim, a flor da pele?Sera que sou a unica que ainda espera por um futuro novo, onde nos encontramos, esquecemos todos os dias de solidaoe finalmente voltamos a ficar juntos.. sera essa a nossa historia?Ouco sempre dizerem "calma, a dor um dia passa"Mas nao passa... nos acostumamos com ela.Quem disse que quero me acostumar com essa dor horrivel?Com esse vazio dentro do meu peito?A minha verdade e uma unica. Eu quero voce comigo, ao meu lado enquanto estivermos vivos. Quero aprender com voce o que e envelhecer ao lado da mesma pessoa, e ser feliz amando somente voce,Ate o ultimo dia da minha vida. Sinto a perda dos teus abracosDe sentir teu calor, me aquecendo durante a noiteSinto seus olhares tao longe, e seu coracaoTao frio...Admito, e culpa minha. Sou culpada por essa dorque nao somente minha, foi meu erro quase todo tempoa minha infantilidade, minha prepotencia...Eu estava muito feliz, mas ouvi demais as pessoas erradase por causa dessa inocencia, eu perdi voce.Nao pensei em sentir essa dor, nem ao menos tanto ciumesEu te vi tao lindo naquela noite... que por um instantepensei em poder chegar perto de voce. Que ousadia a minha, querendo tudo de novo, mesmo sabendo que voce nao quer mais. Agora que eu ja resolvi meus sentimentospassados, voce me ignora. Vou sofrer por tua
falta... ninguem conseguira entender... Somos ligados, somos especiais... temos uma vibracao unicaSinto-me idiota por ter dado o valor que era merecido.Eu queria mudar tudo isso! Eu queria poder fazer alguma coisapra que tudo fosse novo. e eu faco... se Desejar...Eu sei... e muito cedo, mas meu coracao chora, entao, eu preciso dizerSinto voce no meu coracao, sonhei contigo duas vezes essa semana...Eu choro quando lembro de voce. Hoje, sofro sozinha...Eu sinto muito, e me culpo por tudo, por nao ser tao flexivel quantoeu poderia... Sou ingenua e idiota. e hoje sinto sua falta... Hoje, eu so penso em voce.
Quero poder sentir aquele desejo que so tenho quando estou com vcQuero poder estar felizdaquele jeito que so vc consegue fazer Injurias foram DescobertasMentiras foram DitasO assunto antes proibido veio a tonaMuitas coisas foram Reveladas:Falsidade, Medo, Solidao, Ganancia.E quando se pensava que se Descobriu tudo,Soube que nao Descobrira coisa alguma.Tudo era encenacao. Era tudo mentira, Apenas fingimento.Agora percebera a inocencia que achavas que antes nao tinhaPois mal sabia da trama armada, Do Plano Perfeito,Desde o inicio, cada passo medido,Cada movimento calculado, Tudo reavaliado. A descoberta do ser ainda nao revelado. A busca da reposta. A jura nunca dita, mas as palavras perfeitas, Momentos sem sentimentos...A Eterna procura do Verdadeiro SerO Verdadeiro Interior, a Face Original. O inicio de tudo. O medo tomado ao corpo,A raiva que nao conseguiu surgir...Somente a propria desilusao de si proprio Com a decepcao da descobertaDe todo trabalho em vao.Do caminho nao percorrido O anseio do nao merecimento O desejo da transicao.A mudanca nunca feita.O Coracao Triste, As Lagrimas que nao Descem. A angustia de nao conseguir,De nao poder Liberar esses Sentimentos Liberar toda a tristeza. Soltar as Cargas Negativas Tanto Quanto mais for a InvejaQue mais Intenso Seja, O meu Orgulho Cresce.Que minha Alegria Almenta a cada Dia Que teu Odio ou Rancor, Seja la se Isso For, O meu Carater que nao se Abalara.Por seus Horrores Cometidos Tao Vis e Irracionais.Nada de minha Parte isso foi Iniciado, E sim Apenas por teus Olhos de extrema Inveja E ate Medo da Transferencia Pela sua Habilidade Obsoleta, Que ja esta Aparente desde Antes da minha Chegada E que Agora torna-se cada dia Mais Dispensavel. Por Hoje, tenho Orgulho de Mim, Do meu Esforco e do Reconhecimento. Que talvez Nao fosse tao Enfatico, Se voce nao Invejasse. Hoje Sinto-me ate Mais Livre Pra poder Mostrar que Teu Medo e minha Arma, Mas so vou Usa-la se Necessario For. Serei Melhor a cada dia E Crescerei mais pelo Prazer De ver ate Onde vai tua Loucura, Ate onde vai o teu Apelo por Atencao Que chegou ao ponto de me Atacar.Mas serei Justa e nao Revidarei, Porque teu Medo me da Do. Tenho Pena da tua Insignificancia Que quer Florir tentando Subir em mim, Querendo me Derrubar. Mas meu Sangue e Quente E minha Forca e Grande. Podes ate Tentar o que QuiserNao vou me Abalar por teus Atos Baixos, Sem Escrupulos e Moral. Quando um dia Tiveres Carater Ou pelo menos Souber o que E, Podera falar Algo. Minha cabeca esta a milhaoTem uma bomba de pensamentos que esta prestes a explodirEu nao vejo saidaTem muita coisa entalada na gargantamas nada consegue sairNem mesmo as proprias palavras eu cosigo por no papelCada dia que passa mais as palavras somemE fica aquela angustia por dentroEu quero poder falar e nao consigoPor tantas eu quis dizerExpressar da melhor forma o que eu sinto a muito tempoMas a cada dia fica piorAos poucos vou me fechandocomo uma ostra no fundo do marMas e impossivel ver tanta tristeza e nao poder pensar em nadaNao tentar ajudarNao demonstrar que me importoJulgar e muito facil
Compreender que e dificilSaber os limites e mais prudenteDizer na hora certa tambemJamais seremos perfeitosenquanto continuarmos sendo humanosA melhor saida e saber ser adaptavelAdapte-se ao mundo, ou seja extinto!Nao queira mudar os outros, se nao consegue mudar a si mesmo...A mudanca vem de dentroA mudanca vem da vontadeA mudanca vem do caraterA mudanca vem dos seus ideais, das suas crencas...O que e certo ou errado pra voce?