thegoodfellas/blogset-br huggingface dataset:
right hand was in my chin in a blink, raising my face.Dont. He stated seriously. Its not your fault.It kinda is... I contradicted, trying to ignore the sensation that was pulsating and spreading from the place his fingers were touching my skin. I shouldve picked her up. I shouldnt have left her alone in that party.Edward let go of my face and heaved an irritated sigh.Jasper, this is not a good enough reason for him to hurt you physically. His voice was strained and a little louder. He already hurts you psychologically on a daily basis with no reason at all, and now... Fuck! Youre bruised! This is abuse.God knows I was completely aware that that was true. It was abuse. My father was obsessive, harsh and abusive, and I hated him for treating me so terribly, but I couldn't really say that he had attacked me that morning.Besides, I needed to put Edward's mind at ease. He was in the verge of being uncontrolled, his hands were shaking.So I rushed to explain.Look, E... You know I hate him, so I'm not defending him, but he didnt do it intentionally.He huffed and rolled his eyes.He didnt! I insisted. Listen, when Rose arrived he was going full blown at her, shouting and trying to grab her... I put myself in between them so I could shield her. He held my arm so he could take me out of the way and reach her, but I struggled until my mom came and took Rose away from the living room. He let go of my arm as soon as she was gone, but you know how I bruise easily... I shrugged. Edward heaved a loud sigh and held his head, bowing his torso soon after.We were silent again for some minutes, until he straightened up again and looked at me.He shouldn't have held your arm so forcefully. He grumbled. I can understand he didn't hurt you willingly but, he must have been aware he was holding you this hard. He pointed to my forearm with his right hand. And fuck if he doesn't know how wrong it is. He diverted his eyes from mine and gazed ahead, anger still very visible in his expression. He shouldn't have gone at Rosalie in the first place. No need to be that aggressive.This time I sighed discreetly, trying to contain the prompt envy that took me. He was worried about my sister and it was justified. I had been too when all that shit happened. I could understand his feeling that way, especially if considered that he liked her. But the jealousy was immediately burning me out regardless.That's just who he is, and you know it. I kinda lamented.Unfortunately, I know. He huffed again.Then he took a deep breath, rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair. When he looked at me again his eyes were kinda glossy. I couldn't really imagine why.Im sorry I overreacted. his tone was calmer. I dont like the way hes been treating you, and I swear to God Ill keep
an eye on it, but... I shouldnt have reacted the way I did. I was a little drunk indeed and... He exhaled heavily and spoke through clenched teeth. I hate it when youre hurt.I smiled a little, feeling slightly happy that he worried about me too.Youre too protective of me. I dont really know why I made the comment, but it felt right.I am. He affirmed, making me feel oddly sheltered.You dont need to be.His face got even more serious than it already was, and his eyes got so dark again it was kind of scary. His expression was deeply intense.Yes, I do. And then I was gone again. Like in that morning, when our eyes got locked, I lost myself in his irises and was fast drowning.Why? I heard myself asking but I couldnt really recognize my own voice.I could hear the strong rapid beats of my heart in my ears.He spent a whole eternity looking at me with that scrutinizing gaze again. I couldnt breathe.Because... He started to say, and suddenly his irises begun to lighten, getting bluer and bluer as he breathed. Because I...A fucking damn phone started to ring so fucking loud that both of us jumped on our seats, interrupting him. I immediately wanted to break something.Edward reached in his pocket and took out his cellphone. It's Emmet. He probably wants to know where we are. He said in a sigh.Moment broken once again. What the hell?!He was about to tell me something, and I wanted to know what it was really bad, but I didn't know how to bring it up again.We better get going. He said in a oddly defeated tone.His hand went for the knob, and I thought as fast as I could about something to keep him there until I was able to come up with a way to make him resume what he was saying.E, what were you thinking on doing when you stormed out like that? It was a dignified question. I wanted to know that too.He sighed and turned to me, but his hand remained on the knob.I wasn't really thinking, Jay. I was kinda being driven by the alcohol haze. I don't know... He shrugged. I just got mad at your father for harming you...I've never seen you angry like that. You kinda scared me. I laughed lightly.He followed me.Feel better now? I was just temporizing to be completely honest.I'm definitely not drunk anymore. He smiled humorlessly.And why were you? He immediately averted his eyes from my face and looked ahead. Something got into you. You never drink to the point of getting drunk. He lowered his head as he exhaled heavily. what was bothering you?He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair again. I held my breath because I had the impression he was preparing himself to tell me something.But when his face turned to mine with a very hesitant expression, the damn phone rang again.Fuck. He muttered, looking down at his phone with a frown while I heaved a very annoyed sigh. What,
Emmet? He answered clearly irritated. I guessed because of the interruption. We're outside. He paused, listening. No, nothing's wrong, I just needed to talk to Jay without all the noise. He paused briefly this time. Yeah. OK. He hung up and looked at me. We need to go back. He'll just keep calling until we get there. He's worried about you.I swallowed a curse and clenched my teeth. Couldn't we have a moment alone?But since I had no good excuse to keep him there with me, I simply resigned and nodded.We didn't talk as we got out of the car and went back to our friends. And for the rest of the festival I stood by Bella's side while he talked to Emmet, seeming despondent.On the way home we exchanged two or three words, but he was distracted, kinda distant, his eyes vague.I wondered why...Previous chapter Next chapter
Four days passed. Four days of early morning breakfasts with only my mom in comfortable silence. Four days of speaking only the extremely necessary with my sister and making her obviously puzzled by my behavior. Four days of early arrivals at the library and late departures from work, just cause I needed to be busy and distracted the most I could. Four days without answering my friends calls and texts to avoid the questions and the probable pressure they would have made. Four days of pretending to myself everything was good, it was all OK, I was fine, I was hanging in there.Four days of sleepless nights. Four days of silence...Four days without Edward.I exhaled loudly and threw the small rock I had been holding towards the lake.I was so fucking tired of hiding... Cause that was what I was doing, right? I was hiding from reality, from my friends, from Edward. I was avoiding what I had to do, I was trying hard to skip something I couldnt for much longer. I had to face everybody and I had to face my life and the way it was gonna be from then on without Edwards presence.I had to deal with a lot of stuff, the most important and pressing one being how I would tell my father that Edward and I couldnt share an apartment anymore.But I was postponing everything. I was simply kicking the can down the road. And the reason I was doing that? I knew it was only a matter of time before I succumbed.I didnt want to be away from him... I didnt want to give up on our plans for college. I didnt want to keep my decision in staying away.I was actually fighting against myself. Cause I knew that the best way to maintain myself sane was keeping myself away from Edward. That was the rational, the logical and the smart thing to do. This way I wouldnt hurt myself and him in the process, this way I was sparing us both. But my heart simply disagreed with me and fuck if my heart wasnt a damn very good and loud brawler.Jay-bro? A strong, unmistakable voice broke the night silence and reached me through the cold hair. Surprisingly, it didnt startle me. I just felt a little confused about how he had found me there and why he would drive one hour that late at night to do so. I turned in time to see him passing through the high bushes that surrounded the clearing. It was dark, the moonless sky cloudy as usual, the faint glow of the distant stars hiding behind the heavy dark gray masses of condensed water vapor that just made the weather wetter and colder. If he hadnt had a flashlight in his hand and my lamp hadnt been potent enough to illuminate the area the needed amount, we wouldnt have been able to see each other. Once I noticed he was sporting a worried frown I understood why he had the trouble to go all the way there to
find me. This was important, otherwise he wouldnt be there.Hey, Emm. I forced my voice to be steady.Busy? He asked as he reached me and sat by my side on the grass. He sounded preoccupied.No, not actually. I sneered. Why?He hesitated a little, looking at the lake instead of at me.Youre OK? He was obviously worried, his tone was strained.I sighed, and he looked at me frowning. OK enough. I said in another sigh. So... Youre here because...I was worried about you and... He stopped abruptly, clearly choosing his words. Theres something I need to talk to you.What is it about? I asked just to make sure my immediate suspicion wasnt unfounded.Im sorry, man. I know youre probably here cause you need to be alone, and I hate to be invading your space... If this wasnt so important I wouldnt be here, you know I hate to meddle... Yep. That was true.It should be something really serious to make Emmet meddle. The big guy was the last person in the world that would stick his nose into someone else's business. He hated to be involved in other peoples drama. He was a great friend and was always available if you needed him, but he was more like the funny type, that mate you go for when you need to cheer up, loosen up. For him to be concerned about problems he wasn't involved in, it meant that something serious was happening with someone he loved, someone that was truly important to him. And Edward fit perfectly into this category. Edward was Emmets best friend, the one and only, therefore he had always been very protective of Edward, pretty much like Edward was of me. And Emmet was the one person Edward would go to, besides me. He was his best buddy, the guy he trusted to be his wingman.Emmet and I had lots of things in common, but the most important one had always been our best friend. That was how I suddenly knew that the reason for him to be reaching out for me that night was something related to the latest events between me and E.I tried to call you, so I wouldnt have to do exactly what Im doing now, barging into your place, your space, your time...Its OK, Emm. I assured him.Nah, I know its not OK man. If itd been OK you wouldnt have dodged my calls. But Im not mad at you or anything, I understand. I just really need to talk to you. I went to your house earlier, but Mrs. H told me you were out with the rest of the gang... He looked at me pointedly.I couldnt tell her I was driving all the way here alone. I justified. She wouldve freaked out. I shrugged.I figured. He smiled slightly. Thats why I thought you would be here. I knew you were not with any of us. Bella, Alice and Rose are having a girls night, and Jake is out of town with his dad, so... It was his turn to shrug.He didnt mention
Edward, and I didnt really know what to make of that, so I just insisted on the pressing matter.And the important thing that you have to talk to me is about... I gave him the cue. Edward. He completed without any more hesitation, finally confirming my inkling. But first I need to ask you something.I got immediately nervous, cause I had an idea of what he was about to ask, and I wasnt sure about the best way to answer without giving away the truth. I tried to seem neutral.Shoot.Emmet sighed before looking at his hands on his lap. He seemed strangely uncomfortable, something really rare when it came to him. Then he looked at me obviously embarrassed.What really happened between you two? He questioned apprehensively then sighed. See, I dont want to intrude, its just... After you left, and later... Things got a little... Messy.How so? I asked feeling the guilt creep all over me again.He heaved a strong sigh and looked away from me as if he was debating on what he should tell me. First, Edward simply disappeared. I thought he was doing something at the house, or just stalling in there cause he didnt want to face our questions, I dont know... He shrugged. But when I went inside to look for him he was nowhere to be found. He came back after a couple of hours or so, but wherever he had been it wasnt in the house.Whats so weird about that? I asked carefully, knowing there was more. He left, he came back.He was a wreck when he came back... Emmet said pointedly. He was worse than when you left.I bowed my head and sighed. It was my fault he was hurt, I had been ruthlessly cruel to him... Be aware of what I had left in my wake just added to my suffering. So what happened next? I asked in a low tone, without looking at him.Well, he came back to the pool. He looked like shit so everybody started asking about the argument.I looked at him hastily, dreading that what I had suspected would be confirmed as a terrible truth.He looked at me with a skeptic gaze. Dont look all surprised and shit. You know well we all could hear you, you were screaming like crazy. I gritted my teeth feeling mortified. We couldnt really make out the words, but it was obvious you guys were fighting. Or better saying... You were fighting with him. He gazed at me with a disapproving look.I sighed and averted my eyes again. Emmet took the cue.So... He didnt answer anybody. He just confirmed you two had an argument and then he said he didnt want to talk about it. We tried to lighten the mood, but he was just too distraught... Some minutes after that he went inside without saying a word. I knew something was really wrong so I went to him, to find out what had really happened and to see if he needed anything. He didnt give me the details cause he definitely didnt
feel like opening up. He simply told me, in a hurried voice, that you two had a heavy discussion and he didnt wanna talk about it. Then he asked me to put everybody out because he needed to be alone. He paused, took a deep breath. I did as he asked me. Thats all? My whisper broke in all the wrong places.No. He answered in a heavy sigh. I came back to his room after everybody went away. He was... He broke off and shook his head slowly.He was what? I urged. The sudden suspense abruptly killing me.Emmet exhaled forcefully, ran his hands through his short hair, then looked at me.Im telling you all this because you guys are friends since forever. I know that you know him better than I will ever do. So, what Ill say probably wont be a surprise... He was blathering.Emmet, just tell me already. I pushed.He nodded and took a deep breath. Im not being disloyal here... Im just worried sick...I know. I affirmed firmly. So tell me at once.Edward was crying... He finally said and, although I already knew he had cried since the moment I saw him at the garage that Sunday night, it still hurt me. Id never seen him crying before. Emm completed pensively. And he was crying really hard.I heaved a loud sigh, out of breath.He looked at me analytically. So something really serious happened between you two. He mused.I got up, throwing my hands on my hair and running them through the locks nervously. I paced the space in front of him a little, trying to gather some courage to explain, superficially, what had happened.Look, Jasper, Im not meddling. Not really, I swear. If I hadnt seen what I saw, I wouldnt been sticking my nose into your business. Its just... Im still trying to understand what happened to make Edward so disturbed to the point of hurting himself.I turned to him so fast I got light-headed.What did he do, is he OK? I urged.Hes OK. He shook his head, however. His left wrist is sprained, he has two broken fingers and some injuries on his hand joints, but hes fine. As he was describing how harmed Edwards hand was I knew I was goggling. He was pretty upset, so I think he wasnt thinking straight, but I talked some sense into him. He heaved a sigh.I sat beside him and looked hard into his brown eyes.Can you, please, explain to me how this happened? I kind of begged, feeling far beyond guilty.He was crying with his face buried in his pillow. He resumed his previous narration. I sat beside him and asked what had happened but he just shook his head. I did what I thought that would comfort him... I stood beside him and waited. He shrugged again, his expression one of sorrow. I wanted to punch myself. After a while he calmed down and straightened up. I asked him some things but he told me it wasnt the moment to talk. So I said some things and
convinced him that taking some time apart would be good, so he could get some perspective. He accepted my idea of going camping. We decided to use my truck, so I waited as he packed his things and then we went to my house to pick up my things. Everything was going just fine... He creased his forehead and shook his head once. Before we could finally depart, we passed by Alices room so I could ask her to explain to our parents why I wouldnt be at home when they arrived the next morning....Thats when you two saw me. I concluded in a whisper, thinking out loud. I was feeling ashamed all over again.And of course Emm heard me.Yeah. He confirmed, looking disapprovingly at me. What were you doing, Jay? His voice was gentle, but I could identify the disappointment. Im not judging, its your life, man. But, shit... After everything that Alice did to you...Nothing happened, Emmet. I assured him.Dont get me wrong, please. Shes my baby sister, and I lover her despite her flaws. But, fuck, I have to admit shes a demon... I dont think she deserves you. Youre a nice guy... Shes an airhead. She doesnt really care much about anyone but herself...I know. And as I said, nothing happened. I repeated.He didnt seem to believe in me, but I wasnt worried about his opinion about me. I was worried about Edward.What happened after you two saw me there? I asked him with little patience.Im not sure Edward saw you... His voice was uncertain. Anyway, that was when things got really weird... He spoke with a confused expression on his face. As soon as Alice opened her door, Edward sprinted. I spoke with her briefly and went outside. He was already in the car, waiting for me, but he was restless, swaying his legs on and on, like he was frantic... He paused, and I, too, thought his behavior was unusual. It was really rare of Edward to lose his cool, rarer still losing it to such an extent. When I put the car on the road he asked me to take him home. I insisted about the trip, but he was unbending. So I took him home. As soon as we got there he asked me to stay away cause he needed to be alone... Emmet shook his head again after a long sigh. ...He hopped out of the car in a flash, I couldnt even ask what had changed his mind...I was silent, trying to understand, to follow everything, but the big guy was right. It was all really strange. I could understand Edward being disappointed because of seeing me with Alice. But not that upset.I got to pull out the car, I was doing what hed asked me, giving him space... But something made me turn back not even a block away. I went back to his house, greeted Mr. and Mrs. C hurriedly and went upstairs. I was really worried... I was getting to his room when I heard the noises, muffled sounds,
like repeated thumps. I understood what it was soon enough, once I reached his door. He was punching the wall... There were blood spots on the white paint and in his fist, but he kept punching... He seemed to be in a trance... He didnt notice me, and at first I was kind of shocked, because Ive never seen him so distressed, so I was kind of stuck at the spot on the door sill... Until I saw him flatten his hands on the wall, a stern look in his eyes, backing away just a little before he braced himself. He shivered discreetly, and air got caught up in my throat. In a split second I realized what he was about to do... So I ran to him and pushed him from the wall just as he was about to hit his head on it...I felt a huge pang in my heart. That was all my fault... He was hurting damn much and it was my fault and my fault only.He kept repeating it was all his fault, that he had to had seen it coming... He heaved another heavy sigh while I was debating Edwards words. I asked him what he was talking about but he wasnt listening to me... He was trapped in his inner accusations, mumbling how he was stupid... I didnt understand shit, but I stood there and waited, hoping he would explain what was happening once he calmed down.... But then he went kind of numb. He shrugged. I didnt know what to do. Ive never seen him like that. He smiled apologetically to me and I nodded. So I asked him if he wanted me to call you... He shook his head with his lips pursed.What did he say?Emmet raised his brows and, soon after, frowned.He flinched when he heard your name. And then he said you guys werent friends anymore.I took a deep breath. That was the truth, and hearing it from Emmet, knowing it had come from Edwards lips, made the reality of our separation sink deeply and painfully into me. He had accepted my decision.Since Sunday everything is completely weird, man. Emmet added with a worried tone. You disappeared, and Edward hasnt left his house... I stared blankly for a moment, trying to understand everything. Edwards strong reaction to our rupture, his obvious guilt and pain. Those were things I felt, things I thought I would be the only one feeling... I knew I would affect him, upset him even, we were very close friends after all... But Id never thought I would affect him that much. Even though I had wanted to. So... Emmet took me out of my inner monologue. Are you going to tell me what really happened between you two? So I can understand whats going on and maybe try to help?I looked at him, only to meet his suspicious eyes gauging me.Edward and I... Its true what he said... I... I Broke off our friendship. I choked with the truth as I assumed the whole damn thing. My