Half Stoic, Half Savage.
Published: 2023-01-01 22:21:30

Last year, I decided that in 2022 I'd move away from freelance development, and transition into a job in a tech company.

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I failed. Let me explain:

Last year (2022) was one of my most focused years and, as a result, conscious self-improvement has become my main mantra.

I won't say I've been flawless, that would be an absolute lie. My trajectory has been erratic, my motivation intermittent, I've wasted a lot of time, and missed important opportunities. However, deep thinking, understanding habits, analyzing myself, taking massive action towards my objectives, learning from my mistakes, and even, reexamining my faith; have been the most prominent characteristics of my last 18 months.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why failing to get a job in a tech company this year hit me so hard. I got really close, even until December I had a chance, but I didn't get it; and "really close" doesn't pay the bills.

What has surprised me the most, though, has been my own inner response.

Sure, I spent a week (probably more) feeling down and sorry for myself -I've got real reasons for it- but I've awoken something inside me that's new, deep, and powerful. I finally understood that I've been developing a very specific mindset, and "relentlessness" is the name of the game.

As I reflect on this past year, I think I would name it "Half Stoic, Half Savage". Hence the name of the post.

One lane of the self-improvement road I've been building looks a lot like stoicism. Books like Atomic Habits, Factfulness, How Not To Give A Fuck, A Guide to the Good Life, and others; have helped me understand the importance of focusing on what I can control, and prioritizing small, sustainable changes over big, unsustainable ones.

## Half Stoic

I say "half stoic" because I still have so much to learn about stoicism; I might just be reciting the bullet points without a deep understanding of what I'm saying. It's a life philosophy, after all, and I'm just starting to examine it.

Until now, though, the aspect of stoicism that I've been pondering the most is the notion of striding toward "Tranquility" and "Virtue". Seems crazy to think that I share some of the same concerns with people from so long ago. Regular people, sages, warriors, emperors; an incredible span of people over an incredible span of time looking for/contemplating these same things as I am.

Both tranquility and virtue require something longer and way more serious than this blog entry, some even say they're the building blocks of stoicism itself, however, a practical perspective one could have towards them could be that old idea of focusing on what you can control, instead of what you can't. A very old but smart idea found in countless walks of life as an answer to our own limited existence facing infinity itself.

It's the same idea behind the [serenity prayer](https://www.verywellmind.com/the-serenity-prayer-62614), for example.

The first moment I *really* felt like I could grasp the notion of "what I **can** control" was when I read "Extreme Ownership" by Jocko Willink, and that's where the half-savage enters...

## Half Savage

People like David Goggins and Jocko Willink (among others) have fueled this new identity that's being developed in front of my own eyes. What that means is that I have this new, deep hunger for improvement, performance, and achievement; and it doesn't sleep.

Now I **know** accomplishing my goals is just a matter of time. Don't know how many tries, how long or how hard will it be; but I know for a FACT that I'm not giving up. I don't know if I'm an unstoppable force, an unmovable object, or just a relentless fool; but I do know that I wouldn't want to be a challenge standing in front of me.

Life **will** knock me down countless times, but I'm standing up every fucking time it takes.

So if anyone actually reads this, I don't know if any of this will be useful to you (I hope it is) but thank you for giving me your time and attention. Please know that I'm probably working harder than you right now and, if I'm not, please tell me so I can step it up a notch.