What I learned from being burnt out
Tags: mentalhealth, burnout
Published: 2023-01-11 16:28:01

_In the article below I want to share my personal experience with my burnout. Please know that I'm not a health care professional and I mainly write this to connect with others and share my experiences. If you feel like you're chronically stressed or burned out, I encourage you to reach out to your doctor for professional advice._

#The build up to a burnout :bomb:
So yeah. In December 2021, I got into a burnout.

I had been struggling with exhaustion for a year already, and the doctors I went to up until then, could not find the cause of it. Although I was aware of how important mental health was, I myself also did not see it. Mainly because I was 'just tired', happy with the type of work that I do, and did not have any other symptoms (until the end of the year). And tiredness is such a vague complaint that there could be a lot of causes for it (vegetarian diet, vitamins, hormonal imbalance, COVID, lyme, etc.). I think it is important to tell you this, because this shows how extremely sneaky the build up to a burnout can be. Eventually I noticed more symptoms showing up such as simply being overstimulated (not being able to handle social events anymore, easily irritated and more emotional). And only then, it became clear. Weird enough, it also gave me some satisfaction because finally, after a year of searching and experimenting, there was a reason for my extreme exhaustion. And I could start to work on it.

#My personal learnings and insights :bulb:
I've summarized a list of (what I consider) the most important insights I was able to receive during my period of burnout. I hope this can contribute to the prevention of burnout for others or simply improve the way you live your life in small bits.

##Burnout is not something that is 'just in your mind' 
There is a reason that burnout recovery takes so long (according to Dutch numbers 9 months is the average recovery time). When you are burned out, your entire nervous system has been giving more than it could handle for a really long time. So you have used up all the energy you could have (not talking about an energy on a daily level, but your TOTAL battery reserve). It took you a long time to completely drain this, so it will also take a long time to completely fill it again. 

I've read about cases where people with a burnout got temporarily blind or could not walk or use their arms when they were at their absolute lowest point. Luckily for me this was not the case but this example shows how your body just tries to focus on the most important task: keeping you alive, even if that means you can't see or walk for a while. Basically your body just says: you've done enough, I am going to take the wheel now, and you have nothing to say about it.

And this immediately touches an important part in burnout recovery: accepting your 'current state' and enabling the body to do its healing.

##We underestimate the importance of emotions and feelings :massage:
We tend to behave like our bodies are just 'bags' around our brains. We quickly jump to rational thinking, without really giving space to feel our emotions and sensations. And often we also simply do not know how to practice a healthy regulation of our emotions. Have you ever experienced a thought like: "I know [insert example X] is a better way of thinking, but my feelings are not there yet" and then just moved on because you rationally thought it was 'the right thing to do'?. So it kinda feels like you're not fully convinced of your rational thought? That right there, is a sign to give yourself more room for your emotions. That does not mean you should instantly change your decision just so it 'feels good'. Instead be curious about why you feel like this in the first place. It might help you get the mindset you need in the end.

To give an example: many people (in their childhood) have come into contact with phrases similar to 'don't cry', 'don't get angry', 'don't be afraid' or 'don't be so sensitive'. This implies that feeling these emotions is wrong and they should not be there. So later in life you experience fear and you're like ''Oh no, this is bad, I have to get rid of my fear'', which (in my experience) only makes it worse and worse because you are actively training your brain that fear is unsafe to have. And guess what your brain wants? Your brain wants keep you safe at all times (survival). So it will move away from what it is conditioned to see as 'unsafe'.

If we can learn to view and experience (the full range of) emotions in a healthy way it will help us navigate through them better. In my experience practising mindfulness and going to therapy sessions for more challenging aspects (f.e. dealing with anxiety) can educate you on how to regulate your emotions better. 

> Let's translate this to a metaphor where we see 'struggling with anxiety' as a broken finger: would you walk around your entire life with a broken finger and say ''this is just who I am'' if there are ways to heal it? Of course not. But why do we tend to do that with our mental challenges?

Since my burnout I am trying to see my emotions or sensations as signals, instead of 'truths'. So when I felt anxious I would usually try to get rid of it, but now I try to check in with it and see "What makes me feel like this right now?". Often I come to the conclusion it is linked to an unhelpful belief that I have (f.e.: "If colleagues are frustrated because of something you did, you are not a good colleague."). And then I can ask myself: "Does this belief still help me today? Or should I make a change to something more helpful?" (f.e.: "You can't control other people's emotions and are also not responsible for their happiness."). Of  course this is not something that will suddenly change overnight, but being aware of your unhelpful beliefs is already a really great step. Because often, you don't even notice since you have been behaving like that for your whole life already.

Another thing when it comes to feelings and emotions: ever had someone tell you they ''dont agree'' with your feelings? Please keep in mind that your feelings are there, and that is a fact. If others have trouble accepting this, then it is not your responsibility or problem to convince them in some way. What is within your responsibility is how you deal with those feelings. The control is yours. Just as it is the responsibility of others how they deal with their feelings (f.e. when they have trouble accepting that you feel a certain way).

##Things that work for others, might not work for you
If you ever had to deal with mental health issues like a burnout, you know that you get a lot of unsolicited (well meant) advice, mostly based on their own experiences. Although some of it might be helpful, keep in mind that you have your own journey of finding out what works for you. For example: I dealt with insomnia during my burnout and I tried following every single tip there was to be able to get some sleep. This eventually just created even more pressure and less sleep. When I was able to let go of that I thought: "I have been able to always sleep after watching TV in bed. Let's try to relax a bit and go back to my old habits (even if they are 'not good' for my sleep)". And eventually my insomnia got less and less. Without following all the scientifically proven advices.

##It is not your fault :heart:
This one is very important. My boyfriend had to tell me this multiple times in the past year :grimacing:... Even though it might be hard to believe it. Getting into a burnout is NOT your own fault. There are so many factors involved. I really hope you keep this in mind when recovering. For me, there were so many moments where I thought: "why can't I do this, and everyone else seems to be able to. It must be me or something I do".
And EVEN if that would be the case, you cannot blame yourself for that. You did not conciously choose to for example be a perfectionist. Your behaviour is connected to what you went through in life. That doesn't mean it's all set in stone and you can't change it. But my point is that you are not 'guilty' or 'to blame'. But you are able to 'take responsibilty'. And that is a big difference.

Next to own behaviour there are some characteristics that can contribute to burnout, such as:
- High workload or pressure (due to deadlines, lack of knowledge or experience)
- Lack of autonomy and control over your tasks
- Unclarity in what your responsibility and/or tasks are
- Lack of appreciation
- Bad work culture (bullying, micro aggressions, discrimination, etc.)
- Poor work-life balance

When you are at a point that you go back to work, it is good to get an overview of the things that give you stress or pressure at work. So you are able to take action or discuss it with your colleagues or manager when it is needed.

## Trust the process
When going through a burnout, it is very easy to get discouraged and feel like nothing you do helps you in your recovery. At least that is how I experienced it. So here's just a shoutout to people that are trying to recover: you're going to get there! Really! :sparkles:

#Concluding
This is just a summary of things that were insightful to me. There is probably much more to it and it has been a life changing experience for me. I hope sharing this will help people realize how it is to have a burnout or help others in their recovery.

_I am now in the home stretch of this whole process. And I am very grateful to everyone who supported me during this incredibly challenging time._

:heart: :turtle: