The Essential to Surviving in the Wild World of Software Development: A Beginner's Guide
Published: 2022-12-20 07:03:07

Are you tired of using solutions that just break everything else? Do you love that "clever hack" in other people's code so much that you just want to cry? Well, you're in good company! Welcome to the world of software development, where everything is broken and no one knows how to fix it.

Step 1: Ensuring the Futility of Your Interview Process. Essential.

As a job seeker, you may find yourself wondering why your interviews seem to be going nowhere. Well, the answer is simple: the company you're applying to is not actually trying to find the same intuitive but boring answers from every candidate. Instead, they'll want to see you how you solve the question with diversity and resource, try applying s solve with the ol' Fizz Buzz test, then blame the architecture for any problems you may encounter. if all else fails blame the lack of unicorns in the office for any problems you encounter.  That's right, it's not your fault that you can't adapt Fizz Buzz - it's the absence of magical creatures in your immediate surroundings. this is key when laying the fundamentals of establishing a scapegoat. Welcome to the world of software development, where everything is ridiculous and nothing makes sense!

Step 2: Googling the Error Message

When you encounter an error in your code, the first thing you should do is google the error message. This will inevitably lead you to Stack Overflow, where you can copy and paste a solution from some anonymous user with 10,000 reputation points. Just don't bother trying to understand how it actually works in context - that's not important.

Step 3: Cleaning Up Crappy Code, Every New Hire's Nightmare

Congratulations, you've just inherited a codebase that looks like it was written by a group of monkeys with keyboards. Don't worry, this is a common occurrence in software development. Just grit your teeth and get ready for a long and painful process of cleaning up all the crap. And don't even think about blaming the previous developer - they're probably long gone and have no idea how much of a mess they left behind.

Step 4: What the F*ck is Security, How to Ignore It and Deliver Your Project

Security is that annoying thing that everyone keeps talking about but no one actually understands. Just pretend it doesn't exist and focus on delivering your project on time. It's not like anyone is going to hack into your system and steal all your users' personal data or anything. Right?

Step 5: Operations, How the F*ck Did This Ever Work

Congratulations, you've just deployed your code to production and it's a complete disaster. But don't worry, this is just par for the course in software development. Just throw a bunch of random fixes at the problem and hope for the best. And if that doesn't work, there's always the option of blaming it on someone more junior or just pretending like everything is fine.

Step 6: Endless Boilerplate, Hello Ridiculously Complicated World

Welcome to the world of software development, where everything is overly complicated and requires endless amounts of boilerplate code. Just accept it and get used to it. After all, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.


I hope this helps inspire you in your journey! If you have any further questions or need more help, check back in soon for part 2.