Understanding Workplace Narcissism at a Young Age
Tags: productivity, beginners, opensource, career
Published: 2023-02-18 05:16:19

Narcissism in the workplace will turn many people who get sick easily, have a disability, have a stressful life, have kids, have another job, or have other priorities, into a walking machine if they do the things we tell you, the worker, to do in this informative article.

What I am trying to say is that dealing with a narcissist or narcissism in the workplace can be a living hell. 

Dealing with so much pain from your employer could end you up into self destruction, or in worse problems than you already are in. 

You might collapse easily if you don't pick up on the narcissism in your line of work, which is why identifying narcissism in your chosen profession, so college seniors, whether you have your career choice of field all figured out yet or not, what I am saying to you will be a great skillset to use in your everyday life because, sadly, narcissists are everywhere and you have to deal with getting crushed once in a while in order to build yourself back up.

It is so bad that even dealing with narcissism can be a life altering prescription, which can challenge you throughout your life, marriage, health, and your morals. If you are not a narcissist and you are "humble," if the pills are not taken correctly, you might have slip ups in your work life, get fired, and if you speak out, which I encourage you to at one point or another, remember to take these pills responsible because the side effects of a narcissistic rage will send you packing your bags from that software company and move back in either with family, friends, start your own profit company, raise kids, or have a life of sitting around what that boss told you to do that kept you working in utter distress. 

But first, let me educate you a little bit about narcissism and it's trait as a personality disorder, so it's time for our the three p.m. meeting.

For those that don't know, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, also known as narcissism, is a neurological condition that spawns into ten different types of personality disorders including borderline personality disorder, Schizophrenia, and antisocial personality disorder amongst eight other classified personality disorders listed by The Cleveland Clinic. Experts say that only 0.5% or 1 in 200 people are diagnosed with the disorder, but what makes this illness so dangerous is like most other personality disorders, narcissism is in all of us. We can all hide it better or we might not hide it as well, and it's main symptoms show in times of stress. 

A narcissistic rage on an everyday scale can turn out to be life altering for the employee or the member in the room.

You may view your boss as just being a "Meenie" or "a grouch." For people that don't know about narcissism, my mother, Amy (who we will call Athena) has seen it all from a work and home base. She lectured me for hours on this topic, especially when I was struggling with the effects of an employer's narcissism myself. 

She was severely abused by a narcssistic mother and father, and she questioned why she was born on countless occassions. At the age of 19 she dealt with my father getting drunk, partying, and abusing her left and right. She didn't fully heal from her abuse until 2020 after my narcissistic grandmother died from Alzhiemer's, but the pain was worse than even I could have imagined. After 39 long years, I can finally see some hope, and she wants me to tell others to heal from their narcissistic pain, but without her, I would have probably thought narcissism wasn't a thing. I would have been galloped onto the horse of career choice and idea building like classmates in college would do when they hear a professor speak in a 300 room lecture hall, and he/she promises connections over morals. 

She is the go to person for me ask about this weird brain function, and in narcissists I saw at work, the feeling of entitlement is striking. 

They think they are the king of everything. One's aging 1998 Chevy Silverado with a busted out window can be, to a narcissist, is similar to driving an all new Mercedes Benz. 

The rage can get so intense that you sometimes, as was the case with a psychatrist I worked with who raged at myself and my mother at an appointment, we were forced to see her, bubbled up and smiley like nothing even happened.

Athena, my mother, would tell me, "The physical abuse gets better, but it's the abandonment that hurts worse than getting hit. Because you know your parents don't love you, they never cared about you, nor did they want you alive."      

In otherwords, when you encounter a narcissist, they will politely give the worker credit. Pass on new, shared ideas that will shape your business as you know it. They are collaborative, smart, funny, witty, and will always give you a fair shot to work at the company with a collaborative workforce, excellent work service with great pay, and a simple reminder that you belong here and if you need anything, give us a call.


![STOCK PHOTO/Forbes Magazine 2019](https://dev-to-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/articles/o4idl3ja3nt4nis41ycm.jpg)

At work, this is what one of my former bosses would tell all of her employees at a newspaper office I worked at while I was still in college at Indiana University Bloomington. 

This was the first sign to me that a narcissist will steal everything that you have to offer to the company, and tear you down to nothing. With little pay or effort to show forth unless you are the boss' son, daughter, maybe a grandparent. The girlfriend to the boss' son, or the minister of the executive marketing strategy manager's city church who he knew back on the high school football team. Then you will get a say on all of the company's most primal decisions.

An echoing cry whenever I dealt with these narcissists, shutting doors for private chats, and little talk about how to improve sales, I would repeat a quote from George Carlin's "Dumb Americans" last comedy show in 2005, and I would replay this message like a recorded call over and over again. "You got owners, they own you! They own everything!" and "It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." 

The moral of this whole first part of the article is to get you, the worker, the freshmen student, the intern at an I.T. firm in Chicago, the videographer for a college rugby team in South Africa, or the young Head Executive President of Marketing and Communications for a NASCAR Racing team based out of Charolette, North Carolina, remember, sometimes that job will love you, then steal your heart, and they never do care about you. 

Some jobs are agendas, and as my mother put it, "They don't want you to succeed, they want you stuck, and they will take the food from out in front of you because narcs don't care about you."


![Image description](https://dev-to-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/articles/3usi9nzdbpk0r0do0dqx.jpg)  

That got dark in hurry, now let's brighten the spirits up a little bit.

Here are four tips on how you should deal with this problem of narcissism. Whether you are in the workforce, an intern, or a college student finding their next endeavors, this is advice that I have used and my mom has used to help you the next time you encounter a narcissist.

**1. Recognize early on that you will get beaten down**

In college, you might have been able to write a speech about how good or bad your experience was, but one thing you need to consider is that college cannot and do not set you up for connections. They want you to learn, grow up, and mature living on your own, finding connections through yourself or your line of work yourself, and go to class and pass a useless test that the employer does not care about.

If you didn't have this in college, and were privileged with getting work opportunities because you stay connected with postings, and you have tried something new, that is good, but the professor in your marketing class at the Kelley School of Business will turn on you when you leave. 

There are no hugs or times to go back to the past when you were a junior in college, and you took something out of that Business professor's course. The one you loved so dear. They are apart of a business, and you only communicate with your professor when there are business needs. 

In other words, there is no A+ in business, or even walking back in a school building and meeting your professor from god knows when. This is an example of you getting beaten down. 

![Image description](https://dev-to-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/articles/wjdubu2wjhk4mlmi72o0.jpg)

For those that are 18-24 years old, you're an adult... the workforce will beat you down, so much so that you might go calling mommy and daddy asking to quit the job because it's not for you.

Sorry honey, but nothing is granted and yet, say goodbye to your care free, love of life high school/college attitude.

![Image description](https://dev-to-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/articles/jovqb931uetpcndhnqox.jpg)

Narcissists usually start their manipulative task when they first hire an employee. As for the case of a magazine company I worked for in Bloomington, the two bosses messed around with me, tossing me around like a rag doll until I reacted. I never fell for anything they did to control me, and I nearly got fired from the job on the interview day because I didn't know my availability, and my boss rung me out over it. "See you're starting on the wrong foot already. We need a lot more communication from you, we need you on top of things." 

Then the job got weird after my fifth month working for them as part of an internship I did before heading back to college, and I left more scarred than nurtured into the print industry, but that's for another day. Increasingly at this job, the love bombing began with them wining and dining me at some of Bloomington's finest gourmet restraunts that were completely out of my price range as a broke college students being around two rich white women and two rich white guys, former reporters and editors of newspapers and magazines by the way. Around June 2022, the vibe shifted because our desk secretary, who designed the Wednesday meal days left the job to work for a church. 

My bosses, who were cool with beating me down, beat me down some more and things got very explicit very quickly before I left the internship to start school in July of that year.

After I left, I fought off of my demons and realized that being beaten down is a sign to build yourself up. To find a strength in you, so you can understand how to deal with the narcissistic bosses better, and this can take up to months, even years to figure out. You're also finding out about yourself at the same time, so take the advantage to find an external calling because if a job will toss you around the office, since an intern is fresh meat, an external being and yourself will mentor you and guide you to where you need to go in your journey through this job. 


![Image description](https://dev-to-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/articles/lkss8dd4so32ukxptm78.jpg) 

**2. Set strict boundaries**
To set these boundaries, start by making little to no interactions with your team members. Don't say much, just go with the flow, and don't make your presence known to the narcissist.

They are only going to find this as fuel to control you more if you need help. They will view you as weak and pounce on you.

While working for Indiana University Student Television (IUSTV), my mom told me to "Set boundaries with your group," and I didn't know what she meant until after the first night of filming one of the shows for the organization. Probably Hoosiers Sports Night and The Toss Up, I don't know, all I know is that I walked into Franklin Hall (a.k.a. The IU Media School) to tape the show that night. My boss, a skinny but yet, a stereotypical version of a fraternity brother, called the remaining people off for the night. 

I left the school upset that there was no spot for me. Enraged, I had to defuse myself and as I called my mom on my way out of the building (which was what I did a lot after club events and meetings, you're seeing how unlucky I was while I stepped foot in that building) I called my mom. She told me to not make your presence known. 

She told me that I did a good thing not attending that taping, but it felt like I walked into a rich college kid club that never once would care about transfer students like me, or anyone of that matter, and I never fit in until I got the hint.

When I was assigned the role of being the official IU hockey play-by-play announcer for WIUX 99.1 FM in Bloomington, which restarted the hockey commentating team with me and six other boys. The sports director, Griffin E. and IU hockey reporter Sam W., pumped us up to thinking that we needed to bend over to him and follow their orders. Only Griffin did this more than Sam did, but what I will tell you next was the realization that they did not really care about whether we make it to the stadium or not, and this would cause a tale spin for me after this interview session with me and six new broadcast members. 

He toured us through equipment checks and meeting notes, but he promised that me and another boy will work the first home game of the season against Xavier. He told us while telling us about our equipment and how to use it, "I _demand_ you respond to my emails in less than 24-48 hours, or... yeah... we got bigger things to do than to do a broadcast that no one responds to."

If you heard his words closely, you can hear the devil come out and his demenor showed it as well. He was a cocky college kid, yes (he did mention drinking to many beers at some sports events he covered in Israel) "I demand, if you listen and do what we tell you to do, if you want to take this serious and be a member of our exclusive club, if you listen to us, if you need anything, let me know." 

After the meeting, I had discussed leaving with my friends and family, but I still did what a broadcaster is supposed to do. Prepare, prepare, ask and prepare. I still remembered listening to a hockey radio call of the 1994 Eastern Conference NHL Finals with the New York Rangers and the New Jersey Devils, prepping boards, spreadsheets of players, and staying up until 6 a.m. doing boards. 

The next day, I walked to get my equipment at the Franklin Hall, the same building as the meeting, to pick up the radio production equipment I was assigned to get. The young college student at the counter said, "You didn't reserve this. Reschedule again." 

I stood in shock, and went straight up to the studio building on the fourth floor, palms and face sweating due to walking almost 10,000 steps and being as sick as a dog, walked to this small college radio station and pounding my head against the wall... literally. 

I walked out of the studio and into the van my mother drove, given it was Friday and didn't have a car on campus, I screamed, "I quit!"

I didn't just quit because I was sick again, sick from doing these clubs and organizations no one told me to do, and being hospitalized as mentioned on the last reason, I learned that my sports broadcasting club dreams were over at IU. I have never cried so much in my life because I still don't view my industry the same.   

I later looked back on that day and realized after being sick, down in the dumps depressed, sick twice, and ill that these kids will and won't ever care about me. 

So setting boundaries between a narcissist, no matter if they are this bad or not, is an added plus because you have gained respect and maturity if you try not to do too much and yet don't do too little at the job or in school.

Do clubs where you know you will get respect, but don't go searching for these clubs, jobs, or companies to work for. 

If you have problems at your job and they tell you that you can come back, remember to schedule a time to stay and a time to leave (which might be easier in college), set a goal in mind for the day, and think about other things than work sometimes, but don't do this when there is work to do. 

Listen but be attentive to everything going on. This means to recognize the narcissism but act like a metal shield is around you. Protecting you from all costs, and finally be around a support system at work and always do what your best friends are trying to do. 

Set boundaries on the little things, but also don't do too much and know your limits. This advice is great for college students to grasp right now, as this article is intended mainly for you, the college kid who works like me. For the worker, finding boundaries might be more difficult.

**3. Do not poke the bear**
When a narcissist is in a rage, do not poke the bear means do not mess with the boss and ask him a question when he/she rages or is already upset. 

Remember that narcissists are sometimes not upset with you. There is something else bugging on their nerves which is causing them to flip out like a parent at a youth soccer match. 

Everyone is human, but narcs might not act human because they aren't like people such as you or me. When they rage, get mad, or have a million tasks, don't ask for favors. Be diligent and work with them but when it is too much take a break.
 
![Image description](https://dev-to-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/articles/h1ttyglu0upjbqm3m11y.jpg)

**4. Vent your feelings out in a positive way**
First of all, do not vent your feelings out on your children (if you have any). Like my mom, who is scarred for life from the yelling her parents did, it's unnecessary to let your kids deal with what is going on in your work life.

Vent your feelings out with someone you trust, even a therapist, but also do not reveal too much about your line of work, the people you work with, and don't reveal too much taboo information about the company.

For many of you, that is easier to do, but from me, since I have bipolar disorder, a loud mouth, and am more outspoken than the majority of you reading this article, this statement was hard for me.

I performed at a comedy show once, and I talked too much about IU's Board of Trustees and joked about IU graduates who say that they are the First woman to be, first woman in sports, and first Black and Latino woman to lead a media organization and how IU helped them become the person they are today. Which did not sit well with the mostly gullible IU freshmen crowd.

In other words, I shared too much information about my work. 

Do this responsibly and don't try to go out, write a rap song, and diss about how the boss sucks at your job and flips out at everyone.

Finally... I want to close off by saying do not form a work union protest, it never solves anything. You can never get the already rowed up narcissistic companies and corporations to budge.

You can never win in a corporate setting.    

and finally I will add an extra tidbit of information to share:

**5. The more sick you get at work, the more you need to leave **
In September 2022, I was rushed by ambulance to IU Bloomington Hospital where I felt a numbness I have never felt before or since. Later I would be diagnosed with the rare illness of Gillian Barre syndrome, which attacks your central lining of your nervous system, causing lifelong damage if not rushed to the hospital in time to receive treatment. 

After five long days at the hospital, I was spooked out by the thoughts of continuing to work at toxic, greedy businesses that took my energy and time away from healing myself. The cruelest part about the whole hospital stay, was that I was dismissed from Indiana University due to medical reasoning, but just this week, I had answers as to why I left. 

I was not physically, mentally, or emotionally ready to go back to IU due to having COVID-19 and then this twice in the same year. In other words, I needed to be a solider that can handle any obstacle under any circumstances. 

That was the biggest eye opener I ever had through this process of recovering and going back to school and work. I needed to be fit to rejoin the Marines so to speak.

I learned that through my unnecessary work habit of doing meaningless jobs and dealing with narcissistic young college kids at my job, it was not worth me killing myself for a dollar sign. 

I need you to go with that same attitude as well. There are no promises with a narcissist that you can have a job, or a line of work. You won't be loved, and according to the organization SHRM, narcissism can drastically impact how, if you, the washing machine, doesn't work properly, the idea that a job will recover fast is slim to none. 

You getting sick will make the work you do a hell of a lot worse than when you applied. So dig into yourself and what you can do to change your habits with narcissists, even recognizing them by seeing their unpolluted behaviors, their comments, their love bombing and feeding you, then making you work too hard. The signs might not hit until you leave the job, as was the case with my friend R.J. who worked for the Indiana Daily Student with me as IU students. It took him months to even talk about work because he had so much to heal from. Unlike me, he was the head of a section of the newspaper titled "Black Voices," and for four years he fell for their act until the treatment and respect of working for such a prestigious newspaper came back to haunt him. He now works for a news station in Memphis, Tennessee, and from what I heard, has healed from his wounds working for the company. He so to discovered himself through healing from this narcissistic pain.

In the end, whether you're new or old, you will find out that the job is toxic eventually and when you do the healing process can take years to get over, as long as you followed the first step and talk to an adult about your problems at work. Then it will hit you and you are set to find another career path.      

Workplace narcissism starts to take shape for every employer as a child in either high school, as it was for me, or in your childhood by parental guardians. Some of us are more intuitive than others and can recognize toxic signs in a workplace or even in their own homes. 

Narcissism is at an alarming rate becoming the new norm for the fourth industrial revolution of the workforce as we know it. 

One lesson I took out of writing this article is to do one thing. Kids, it's more brutal out here.