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nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wljpt

h0ydn1m

I am sorry that you're in this position. I don't have any specific advice but all I can say is that at the end of the day, it's your happiness that matters the most. It sucks when you're not able to share your happiness with friends and families but sometimes that's how it is. It's ok to outgrow your friends and families. In your case, if you really want them to be feel happy and be proud of you, perhaps you can talk to them. Very often people don't understand how academia and PhD work, and tend to think that it's just a few more years of taking classes instead of getting an actual job. Maybe you can try explaining to them (if you haven't already) how much you've achieved and how much their support means to you, then maybe things will take a turn.

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wprkl

h0ydn1m

I’m proud of you! Congrats!!!

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wyoyj

h0ydn1m

I think it's important to go to your family and tell them that you want to feel like they are proud of you even if they don't understand it. Sometimes parents especially have no idea how to be emotionally supportive, especially if there is generational trauma. My parents lived through some historical trauma in their home country and as a result internalized the message that feelings should be suppressed/don't matter and if you are just putting food on the table you are a good parent and your child will do the rest. I also want to say that there are definitely cases where things can devolve into outright hostility. My mom is supportive but has completely flown off the handle if I say something that makes her think I'm "pulling rank." I don't do this intentionally but she projects that people think she is stupid, since she is ashamed about not having gotten the same kind of education. My BFF from grad school is biracial and had it much worse. Her Dad was seriously antagonistic and guilt-tripped her about making it and leaving the family (her other two siblings are still at home in their 30s/40s).

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ydn1m

h0xejyv

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

I am in a similar boat. I come from a poor family in the boonies - first BA ever let alone PhD. I often get less than optimism and happiness from family - i sometimes get extremely negative feedback. My BA was from a very prestigious school that was well known for Vietnam era protests and leftism in general. Family members would jipe at the liberal hippy BS good for nothing brainwashing i was wasting my time with. Now I'm in a very prestigious department in a smaller university and they jipe at me for more wasted time and can't even get into as good of a school as my BA (this department and my advisor are THE #1 choice for what I'm doing. I legit jackpot hit this out of the park getting in here fully funded). Not a sob story for me - but just wanted to relate with you. You aren't alone at all, although it feels like it. We are often alone in our departments too. My cohort had one dude who ever had a job outside of academia cuz he took a break after his BA and one other student who came from a working family. The rest are either from elite families in the states or abroad. There is nobody in this entire department that watched their parent(s) struggle to make bills, live in a place that got condemned, or had to struggle to survive themselves. Coming from a poor, uneducated urban family (or rural in my case) leaves us in a situation that we are so different than our peers. So we neither have that commonality here or back home. We are the odd ducklings. Thus, it is important that we don't rely on outside sources to make us feel good about ourselves. We must find self satisfaction and know that what we are doing is special. What we are doing is unique. And what we are doing is damn well harder than what people realize, either back home or among our peers here at our institute. It's OUR journey, OUR education, and OUR success.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ydn1m

h0xhupt

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

Im not saying your family is narcissistic, but I had this problem alot in mine. Its not that they arent supportive, they do say like oh wow thats great, etc, but its almost like they dont care at all because it has nothing to do with them. I graduated with my 3rd degree, retired from the military, two kids, the kids they were into for the first couple years, but all in all absolutely lackluster response. But i've learned also thats its toxic of me to not have boundaries around my expectation for other people. Just because somebody doesnt treat me the way I want doesnt make it their fault exactly and im trying to unlearn it, but I can definetaly call a spade, a spade, and I know that I am very appreciative and I definetaly know how to spot somebody with talent and skill. If youre not like your family and this is the response you get when you get accomplishments, most likely are dealing with a narcissistic family dynamic, where you outgrew the family's expectation for you, usually parents gas light to keep their children under a certain par for the course so they never really excel. I cant vouche if this is your case but I can tell you right now if i met you and you said your story I'd say youre one of the most talented peopel I met that day from your display of perservance and dedication to your craft. Some people also to simplify my narc rant, some people cant stand being outshined, outperformed, especially when they have expectation for you to follow and in your own organic way you fashion a life together that is completely unlike the one everyone envisioned for you, and in the end you were happier, more successful while looking back you can see that it was other peoples guilts keeping you down. I know it sucks, all you want to do is have a party to celebrate your achievements and half the time youre dealing with other people not caring enough. I say it was you that got you on your own path, maybe its time to go off and find people who really deserve to celebrate with you. Lastly I do recongize people can be energy draining so maybe celebrate by yourself as well. Learning how to appreciate yourself and do things for you and learning how to bond with yourself and your accolades personally is a much stronger connection to oneself than finding other people to pull it out from. This way if youre somebody who likes to just do their own thing , be on their own way when you do meet people its not so important what they think of you cause your value is placed within yourself. ​ This takes alot of mental strength as this turns out to be so much more than degrees, retirement, accolades, Ph.d. We're literally learning how to rewire ourselves and breaking down the ego. That is what is very hard for people is letting the ego go, thats really the biggest problem with being alone is simplifying thought patterns and understanding other people are you and you are them. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true, the more i stop creating boundaries between how different i am to people I dislike or people I hate or i have indifference too, I take it in and think I too could have become that if I wasnt so aware of being better than that. But that alone doesnt justify bringing the wall down to protect you against malevolent nature. Some people just raised in rubble and some people are raised beside it. Your entire life is a constant filtering and vetting of picking the best DragonBall Z squad

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ydn1m

h0xicu5

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

It pains me but I have no solid advice to give, despite me being touched by your story, as I am from a different sociodemographic. Honestly I just wish I could bake you cookies and give you a hug as a congratulations. OP I am the first in my family to join a PhD, but some others have gone through university. I am also funded, doing pretty well (despite covid) but still I know that nobody "gets" how big this is. Some uncles/aunts are the usual "cool but when are you going to get a REAL job?". It's pretty shitty and tiresome, but I try to keep a "water off a duck's back" mindset on this - I know what I want, I know how hard I worked to get here and how hard I am working right now. I know that I really want this, and this is enough for me, as I am paying my own bills and treading my path. Regardless, I hope you have a great experience and become successful with whatever you decide doing afterwards

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ydn1m

h0xx0rx

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

Honestly my parents were happy for me but also just a bit skeptical cuz they knew nothing about academia. I think my older siblings were a bit jealous or they thought that I thought I was hot shit which couldn’t be further from the truth.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0y7i6h

h0ydn1m

What's helped me with some of what you've shared is that I've learned to build a support network of people who root for my academic successes, cheer me on when I succeed, and are a shoulder to lean on when I falter. Much like how I wouldn't rely on mentors or colleagues for emotional needs that my family provides for me, I don't expect my family/non-academia friends to provide the support I need to emotionally succeed in academia. I don't have much to add except to say congratulations on your acceptance, and I hope you have a wonderful PhD experience!

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0y9il0

h0ydn1m

I can’t give you any advice, but i can say how proud of you i am! Congratulations, i hope you have a sweet journey.

Do you frequently ask about your family members’ jobs and professional lives? Do you know about all of their accomplishments and goings-on at work? If you’re constantly talking about their job and work accomplishments, but the conversation never turns to your professional life, then you can try to drop your own professional anecdotes in the conversation to let them know you’re in the ‘adult world’ now and can relate. I’m in a PhD program. My extended family talks about our professional lives sometimes but mostly we like to talk about family stuff or other fun stuff. Which seems pretty normal to me. I don’t think most of them even remember I’m in a PhD program. I sometimes discuss it with parents and siblings, mostly because sometimes we have to plan around my study schedule. They all had to go through job training for their job. What’s so exceptional about me going through job training for mine (which essentially is what a PhD *is* - job training for academia)? Don’t think of yourself as “at the top” just because you are in a PhD program. The only thing that differentiates you from others is that you chose to go into academia, and others chose to go into different fields (that are just as worthwhile). Someone who knows their field inside and out, has the respect of their peers, and brings positive changes to their workplace - that’s someone who is “at the top” - whether they’re a plumber, a teacher, an engineer, or a secretary. I’m sure your family is proud of you even if they don’t bring it up all the time. They probably just see you as an adult now. And adults don’t get as much constant praise as kids. But you don’t need that anymore anyway, because you’re doing this for yourself, to train for your job.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wljpt

h0wn5j6

I am sorry that you're in this position. I don't have any specific advice but all I can say is that at the end of the day, it's your happiness that matters the most. It sucks when you're not able to share your happiness with friends and families but sometimes that's how it is. It's ok to outgrow your friends and families. In your case, if you really want them to be feel happy and be proud of you, perhaps you can talk to them. Very often people don't understand how academia and PhD work, and tend to think that it's just a few more years of taking classes instead of getting an actual job. Maybe you can try explaining to them (if you haven't already) how much you've achieved and how much their support means to you, then maybe things will take a turn.

You are not alone. Please read through this Nature career column writeup: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00948-7

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0y722z

h0wljpt

the least i can do is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

I am sorry that you're in this position. I don't have any specific advice but all I can say is that at the end of the day, it's your happiness that matters the most. It sucks when you're not able to share your happiness with friends and families but sometimes that's how it is. It's ok to outgrow your friends and families. In your case, if you really want them to be feel happy and be proud of you, perhaps you can talk to them. Very often people don't understand how academia and PhD work, and tend to think that it's just a few more years of taking classes instead of getting an actual job. Maybe you can try explaining to them (if you haven't already) how much you've achieved and how much their support means to you, then maybe things will take a turn.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wprkl

h0y722z

I’m proud of you! Congrats!!!

the least i can do is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wyoyj

h0y722z

I think it's important to go to your family and tell them that you want to feel like they are proud of you even if they don't understand it. Sometimes parents especially have no idea how to be emotionally supportive, especially if there is generational trauma. My parents lived through some historical trauma in their home country and as a result internalized the message that feelings should be suppressed/don't matter and if you are just putting food on the table you are a good parent and your child will do the rest. I also want to say that there are definitely cases where things can devolve into outright hostility. My mom is supportive but has completely flown off the handle if I say something that makes her think I'm "pulling rank." I don't do this intentionally but she projects that people think she is stupid, since she is ashamed about not having gotten the same kind of education. My BFF from grad school is biracial and had it much worse. Her Dad was seriously antagonistic and guilt-tripped her about making it and leaving the family (her other two siblings are still at home in their 30s/40s).

the least i can do is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0y722z

h0xejyv

the least i can do is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

I am in a similar boat. I come from a poor family in the boonies - first BA ever let alone PhD. I often get less than optimism and happiness from family - i sometimes get extremely negative feedback. My BA was from a very prestigious school that was well known for Vietnam era protests and leftism in general. Family members would jipe at the liberal hippy BS good for nothing brainwashing i was wasting my time with. Now I'm in a very prestigious department in a smaller university and they jipe at me for more wasted time and can't even get into as good of a school as my BA (this department and my advisor are THE #1 choice for what I'm doing. I legit jackpot hit this out of the park getting in here fully funded). Not a sob story for me - but just wanted to relate with you. You aren't alone at all, although it feels like it. We are often alone in our departments too. My cohort had one dude who ever had a job outside of academia cuz he took a break after his BA and one other student who came from a working family. The rest are either from elite families in the states or abroad. There is nobody in this entire department that watched their parent(s) struggle to make bills, live in a place that got condemned, or had to struggle to survive themselves. Coming from a poor, uneducated urban family (or rural in my case) leaves us in a situation that we are so different than our peers. So we neither have that commonality here or back home. We are the odd ducklings. Thus, it is important that we don't rely on outside sources to make us feel good about ourselves. We must find self satisfaction and know that what we are doing is special. What we are doing is unique. And what we are doing is damn well harder than what people realize, either back home or among our peers here at our institute. It's OUR journey, OUR education, and OUR success.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0xhupt

h0y722z

Im not saying your family is narcissistic, but I had this problem alot in mine. Its not that they arent supportive, they do say like oh wow thats great, etc, but its almost like they dont care at all because it has nothing to do with them. I graduated with my 3rd degree, retired from the military, two kids, the kids they were into for the first couple years, but all in all absolutely lackluster response. But i've learned also thats its toxic of me to not have boundaries around my expectation for other people. Just because somebody doesnt treat me the way I want doesnt make it their fault exactly and im trying to unlearn it, but I can definetaly call a spade, a spade, and I know that I am very appreciative and I definetaly know how to spot somebody with talent and skill. If youre not like your family and this is the response you get when you get accomplishments, most likely are dealing with a narcissistic family dynamic, where you outgrew the family's expectation for you, usually parents gas light to keep their children under a certain par for the course so they never really excel. I cant vouche if this is your case but I can tell you right now if i met you and you said your story I'd say youre one of the most talented peopel I met that day from your display of perservance and dedication to your craft. Some people also to simplify my narc rant, some people cant stand being outshined, outperformed, especially when they have expectation for you to follow and in your own organic way you fashion a life together that is completely unlike the one everyone envisioned for you, and in the end you were happier, more successful while looking back you can see that it was other peoples guilts keeping you down. I know it sucks, all you want to do is have a party to celebrate your achievements and half the time youre dealing with other people not caring enough. I say it was you that got you on your own path, maybe its time to go off and find people who really deserve to celebrate with you. Lastly I do recongize people can be energy draining so maybe celebrate by yourself as well. Learning how to appreciate yourself and do things for you and learning how to bond with yourself and your accolades personally is a much stronger connection to oneself than finding other people to pull it out from. This way if youre somebody who likes to just do their own thing , be on their own way when you do meet people its not so important what they think of you cause your value is placed within yourself. ​ This takes alot of mental strength as this turns out to be so much more than degrees, retirement, accolades, Ph.d. We're literally learning how to rewire ourselves and breaking down the ego. That is what is very hard for people is letting the ego go, thats really the biggest problem with being alone is simplifying thought patterns and understanding other people are you and you are them. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true, the more i stop creating boundaries between how different i am to people I dislike or people I hate or i have indifference too, I take it in and think I too could have become that if I wasnt so aware of being better than that. But that alone doesnt justify bringing the wall down to protect you against malevolent nature. Some people just raised in rubble and some people are raised beside it. Your entire life is a constant filtering and vetting of picking the best DragonBall Z squad

the least i can do is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0xicu5

h0y722z

It pains me but I have no solid advice to give, despite me being touched by your story, as I am from a different sociodemographic. Honestly I just wish I could bake you cookies and give you a hug as a congratulations. OP I am the first in my family to join a PhD, but some others have gone through university. I am also funded, doing pretty well (despite covid) but still I know that nobody "gets" how big this is. Some uncles/aunts are the usual "cool but when are you going to get a REAL job?". It's pretty shitty and tiresome, but I try to keep a "water off a duck's back" mindset on this - I know what I want, I know how hard I worked to get here and how hard I am working right now. I know that I really want this, and this is enough for me, as I am paying my own bills and treading my path. Regardless, I hope you have a great experience and become successful with whatever you decide doing afterwards

the least i can do is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0y722z

h0xx0rx

the least i can do is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Honestly my parents were happy for me but also just a bit skeptical cuz they knew nothing about academia. I think my older siblings were a bit jealous or they thought that I thought I was hot shit which couldn’t be further from the truth.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ynuw7

h0wljpt

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

I am sorry that you're in this position. I don't have any specific advice but all I can say is that at the end of the day, it's your happiness that matters the most. It sucks when you're not able to share your happiness with friends and families but sometimes that's how it is. It's ok to outgrow your friends and families. In your case, if you really want them to be feel happy and be proud of you, perhaps you can talk to them. Very often people don't understand how academia and PhD work, and tend to think that it's just a few more years of taking classes instead of getting an actual job. Maybe you can try explaining to them (if you haven't already) how much you've achieved and how much their support means to you, then maybe things will take a turn.

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wprkl

h0ynuw7

I’m proud of you! Congrats!!!

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0wyoyj

h0ynuw7

I think it's important to go to your family and tell them that you want to feel like they are proud of you even if they don't understand it. Sometimes parents especially have no idea how to be emotionally supportive, especially if there is generational trauma. My parents lived through some historical trauma in their home country and as a result internalized the message that feelings should be suppressed/don't matter and if you are just putting food on the table you are a good parent and your child will do the rest. I also want to say that there are definitely cases where things can devolve into outright hostility. My mom is supportive but has completely flown off the handle if I say something that makes her think I'm "pulling rank." I don't do this intentionally but she projects that people think she is stupid, since she is ashamed about not having gotten the same kind of education. My BFF from grad school is biracial and had it much worse. Her Dad was seriously antagonistic and guilt-tripped her about making it and leaving the family (her other two siblings are still at home in their 30s/40s).

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0xejyv

h0ynuw7

I am in a similar boat. I come from a poor family in the boonies - first BA ever let alone PhD. I often get less than optimism and happiness from family - i sometimes get extremely negative feedback. My BA was from a very prestigious school that was well known for Vietnam era protests and leftism in general. Family members would jipe at the liberal hippy BS good for nothing brainwashing i was wasting my time with. Now I'm in a very prestigious department in a smaller university and they jipe at me for more wasted time and can't even get into as good of a school as my BA (this department and my advisor are THE #1 choice for what I'm doing. I legit jackpot hit this out of the park getting in here fully funded). Not a sob story for me - but just wanted to relate with you. You aren't alone at all, although it feels like it. We are often alone in our departments too. My cohort had one dude who ever had a job outside of academia cuz he took a break after his BA and one other student who came from a working family. The rest are either from elite families in the states or abroad. There is nobody in this entire department that watched their parent(s) struggle to make bills, live in a place that got condemned, or had to struggle to survive themselves. Coming from a poor, uneducated urban family (or rural in my case) leaves us in a situation that we are so different than our peers. So we neither have that commonality here or back home. We are the odd ducklings. Thus, it is important that we don't rely on outside sources to make us feel good about ourselves. We must find self satisfaction and know that what we are doing is special. What we are doing is unique. And what we are doing is damn well harder than what people realize, either back home or among our peers here at our institute. It's OUR journey, OUR education, and OUR success.

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ynuw7

h0xhupt

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

Im not saying your family is narcissistic, but I had this problem alot in mine. Its not that they arent supportive, they do say like oh wow thats great, etc, but its almost like they dont care at all because it has nothing to do with them. I graduated with my 3rd degree, retired from the military, two kids, the kids they were into for the first couple years, but all in all absolutely lackluster response. But i've learned also thats its toxic of me to not have boundaries around my expectation for other people. Just because somebody doesnt treat me the way I want doesnt make it their fault exactly and im trying to unlearn it, but I can definetaly call a spade, a spade, and I know that I am very appreciative and I definetaly know how to spot somebody with talent and skill. If youre not like your family and this is the response you get when you get accomplishments, most likely are dealing with a narcissistic family dynamic, where you outgrew the family's expectation for you, usually parents gas light to keep their children under a certain par for the course so they never really excel. I cant vouche if this is your case but I can tell you right now if i met you and you said your story I'd say youre one of the most talented peopel I met that day from your display of perservance and dedication to your craft. Some people also to simplify my narc rant, some people cant stand being outshined, outperformed, especially when they have expectation for you to follow and in your own organic way you fashion a life together that is completely unlike the one everyone envisioned for you, and in the end you were happier, more successful while looking back you can see that it was other peoples guilts keeping you down. I know it sucks, all you want to do is have a party to celebrate your achievements and half the time youre dealing with other people not caring enough. I say it was you that got you on your own path, maybe its time to go off and find people who really deserve to celebrate with you. Lastly I do recongize people can be energy draining so maybe celebrate by yourself as well. Learning how to appreciate yourself and do things for you and learning how to bond with yourself and your accolades personally is a much stronger connection to oneself than finding other people to pull it out from. This way if youre somebody who likes to just do their own thing , be on their own way when you do meet people its not so important what they think of you cause your value is placed within yourself. ​ This takes alot of mental strength as this turns out to be so much more than degrees, retirement, accolades, Ph.d. We're literally learning how to rewire ourselves and breaking down the ego. That is what is very hard for people is letting the ego go, thats really the biggest problem with being alone is simplifying thought patterns and understanding other people are you and you are them. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true, the more i stop creating boundaries between how different i am to people I dislike or people I hate or i have indifference too, I take it in and think I too could have become that if I wasnt so aware of being better than that. But that alone doesnt justify bringing the wall down to protect you against malevolent nature. Some people just raised in rubble and some people are raised beside it. Your entire life is a constant filtering and vetting of picking the best DragonBall Z squad

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ynuw7

h0xicu5

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

It pains me but I have no solid advice to give, despite me being touched by your story, as I am from a different sociodemographic. Honestly I just wish I could bake you cookies and give you a hug as a congratulations. OP I am the first in my family to join a PhD, but some others have gone through university. I am also funded, doing pretty well (despite covid) but still I know that nobody "gets" how big this is. Some uncles/aunts are the usual "cool but when are you going to get a REAL job?". It's pretty shitty and tiresome, but I try to keep a "water off a duck's back" mindset on this - I know what I want, I know how hard I worked to get here and how hard I am working right now. I know that I really want this, and this is enough for me, as I am paying my own bills and treading my path. Regardless, I hope you have a great experience and become successful with whatever you decide doing afterwards

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0xx0rx

h0ynuw7

Honestly my parents were happy for me but also just a bit skeptical cuz they knew nothing about academia. I think my older siblings were a bit jealous or they thought that I thought I was hot shit which couldn’t be further from the truth.

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ynuw7

h0y7i6h

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

What's helped me with some of what you've shared is that I've learned to build a support network of people who root for my academic successes, cheer me on when I succeed, and are a shoulder to lean on when I falter. Much like how I wouldn't rely on mentors or colleagues for emotional needs that my family provides for me, I don't expect my family/non-academia friends to provide the support I need to emotionally succeed in academia. I don't have much to add except to say congratulations on your acceptance, and I hope you have a wonderful PhD experience!

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0y9il0

h0ynuw7

I can’t give you any advice, but i can say how proud of you i am! Congratulations, i hope you have a sweet journey.

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

nu4wlg

askacademia_train

How to be happy for getting accepted in PhD when it seems like family and friends can't relate? Hi guys, So I'm a first year phD in the Social Sciences and I've been struggling to be happy for myself and celebrate my accomplishments without the enthusiastic support of my family and some friends? Being the first PhD in my family from an inner city and female and African American, I feel like none of my inner family can relate and are so busy trying to get by the don't have the bandwidth to be truly happy for me and express support. Personally, I am proud of myself as I am fully funded and received additional external fellowship, but I am truly disappointed. It seems lonely at the "top". I worked so hard to get in and stay in during the pandemic but my family just doesn't seem to care and I want to be able to celebrate with them and feel loved/support. This is just not what I expected. It feels like the further along I move in my education the more I alienate or distinguish myself from "normal" non academic peers and family/friends. Do you all have any advice on this subject?

h0ynuw7

h0yng8z

First and foremost, congratulations! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won’t bother repeating anything. I recently read “Moving Up Without Losing Your Way: The Ethical Costs of Upward Mobility” by Jennifer M. Morton, and I found it incredibly validating and insightful. In this book, Morton explores the experience of “strivers”—those of us who used education as “a way out” of the circumstances we were born into and the challenges that come along with utilizing education as a path for upward class mobility. In my case, my income level has stayed low (less than 40k a year at my highest salary atm), but I still experience the loneliness and apathy from my family that you described without the income difference. I found this book really validating with regard to myself, but even more so, I found it useful as a teacher when considering how to support my students and their relationship with their family/culture. I come from a working class household and had parents that struggled with personality disorders and substance abuse. I am the first and so far only person in my family to graduate college let alone advanced degrees. I teach refugees and immigrants, so this is extremely relevant for my work. You might find it relevant for you and/or your students, too!

My family doesn’t really get how big of a deal it is either. It comes from not having the same first hand experiences as you. I hope you know you’ve made such huge strides and remind yourself when you feel doubt that you belong in academia as much as any other person there because god, there will be a lot rich people who’ve had easy lives and have families who get it. I’ll be starting my second year of a history PhD this fall as a low income first gen student. We got this :)

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5d5811

g5cgvep

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

All the time doll. School, homework, general stressful things. I might be emotional but the goal is to get through it, if I can do that then I don’t care how many tears I shed. Its alright. Breathe. Drink some water. Take a break.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5cp0bm

g5d5811

I cry all the time lol.

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5chs6v

g5d5811

I also have constant noise around me. I don’t know if this suits your lifestyle, but my remedy is taking my laptop, a bean bag, a blanket and portable charger and phone charger to the park or somewhere quiet for the day and get my work done. It works so well. Just make sure you bring lunch and set up near a public toilet.

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5chnhz

g5d5811

Sounds like sensory overload, and I very much relate! I couldn't do work at my parents' house for the same reasons, and I struggled to focus in my dorm in undergrad. I would get around it by playing wordless music fairly loud in my headphones; there are playlists on YouTube and Spotify. Does your institution offer free counseling? Many colleges are offering telehealth counseling and Zoom sessions. I find those to be helpful when I am overwhelmed.

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5d5811

g5chren

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

This is a suuuper common reaction for me when I get overwhelmed. It’s like the emotions are trying to escape my body via my eyes lol. I agree with the above advice, plus I highly recommend the strategy of breaking down bigger tasks into smaller ones. Even if that means watching a lectures in chunks. You watched 10 mins? That’s a win! Take it slow, and be forgiving of yourself :) you got this!

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5d5811

g5cklw5

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

Omg, I just went through this Saturday. I took a day off..well, two. Starting back today feeling fresh. Ugh. I empathize with you. Hang in there.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5d5811

g5clv99

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

Is your school's library open? Or perhaps another building on campus? If your campus is anything like ours (i.e. a ghost town) then there are plenty of quiet places where you can study while maintaining social distance.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5cta4z

g5d5811

I had two weeks of Covid classes this semester. I dreaded them. My heart wasn’t in it and it didn’t feel right. I was hoping that seeing my students face to face (due to the flex schedule) would make things real and then kick my ass in gear. Then the hurricane hit. And we haven’t had class this entire time. I know it’s shitty of me, but it was such a huge relief. Now, we’ve been out of school longer than we’ve been in it. Classes start up again this Friday even though most people back in our town have no electricity (and sometimes no water). I ended up moving two hours away. I feel even more disconnected from my duties. Then, on top of that, I’m still trying to pack, move, clean, and setup the place while still dealing with the garbage-fire that was my previous home. I don’t wanna do anything :| I don’t think I’ve cried yet about this in particular, but it’s because the void inside me won’t let me 🙃 But yeah, I’m so distracted by all the shit that needs to be done. And everything is compounded by not having a room of my own, so to speak. Maybe you need to focus on creating your own space? For example, my wife and I were originally living with my parents for a bit after grad school. Once we were kicked out of our officers for Covid, I was lost. We ended up deciding to change our bedroom closet into a mini office for me. It still had some of our clothes, but we squeezed in a desk, a lamp, and a powerstrip. Worth a shot!

I totally get it! A few things from a fellow medication user who still frequently copes with focusing issues... (1) Exercise! I know there are studies out there to back it up, but I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole to find them since I only have a few minutes left on my Pomodoro timer. I find that I am ***so*** much more focused when I go for a run/bike ride in the morning. There are days when I convince myself I "don't have time" to exercise for 20 minutes and then spend the day kicking myself because I waste waaaay more than 20 minutes trying to find focus. (2) Pomodoro timer 25 minutes of intense, focused studying/5 minute break. There are plenty of apps for this (I use Focus Keeper but also occasionally Seconds Pro which is actually a timer for HIIT exercise lol). Play around with the time intervals and see what works for you, then STICK TO IT and treat it like it's a law you can't break. The minute that break ends, get back to work. (3) Foam ear plugs underneath noise cancelling headphones If you have over-the-ear noise cancelling headphones, invest in a large container of foam earplugs. This + noise cancelling + brown noise (personally find it way more tolerable than white noise...buy a track of your choice and play it on repeat) are a MUST. COVID has seriously screwed up my finely honed work habits, but this helped immensely. (4) Freedom App I found this really useful as well. There are days where no matter how much I tried, I could NOT get myself off time-wasting websites. There's a free version you can try, but it basically blocks whatever apps and websites you want on all your devices and there's an option you can choose so that there's no way to un-do it until the session is over. I have these set up for repeating sessions throughout the day, which helps keep me focused. (5) Positive talk Ok, ok, this one might sound cheesy but it's real. Tell yourself over and over that you are good at working from home/with distraction/etc until you believe it. Take it from someone who had a few breakdowns early on in the pandemic... you have to acknowledge what you're feeling and how crummy the situation is, but then decide that you're stronger than that, and get back to work. (6) Stick with a schedule This one is another crucial one. Set boundaries for yourself. Working from home has made it difficult for everyone...now all of a sudden you're expected to be available via email/zoom/etc at all hours because they know you haven't gone anywhere. I stick with a schedule of when I'm going to work, and when I'm going to call it quits. There is ALWAYS more work to be done, so don't fool yourself into thinking that you have to work for just one more hour. You could work forever and you probably wouldn't be done/caught up. (7) Know when to take a break If you set up a schedule and get into a rhythm, but then find that there are days when you **just can't focus** no matter what you do? Call it quits. Trying to force yourself to do work is going to make you miserable, and is just going to cause you to burn out more/be less efficient/repeat the cycle. Take the day off, do something you find truly relaxing and enjoyable, get some exercise, then start again the next day. It's probably a good practice to do this once a week or so....as you go, you'll start to figure out what time span you need between days off. For me, it's around the 9 day mark that I start to crack and know I need to take a day off, so I just build it into my schedule one day before that happens. . . I hope that some of this is helpful. I apologize for writing a post a third the length of Moby Dick, but I totally know the feeling of being miserable because you so desperately want to work but can't. I sincerely hope you (and everyone else feeling this way!) can find some ways to work effectively in these crummy times, while simultaneously taking care of yourself. Wishing you good mental health and a good day.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5chs6v

g5cp0bm

I also have constant noise around me. I don’t know if this suits your lifestyle, but my remedy is taking my laptop, a bean bag, a blanket and portable charger and phone charger to the park or somewhere quiet for the day and get my work done. It works so well. Just make sure you bring lunch and set up near a public toilet.

I cry all the time lol.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5chnhz

g5cp0bm

Sounds like sensory overload, and I very much relate! I couldn't do work at my parents' house for the same reasons, and I struggled to focus in my dorm in undergrad. I would get around it by playing wordless music fairly loud in my headphones; there are playlists on YouTube and Spotify. Does your institution offer free counseling? Many colleges are offering telehealth counseling and Zoom sessions. I find those to be helpful when I am overwhelmed.

I cry all the time lol.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5cp0bm

g5chren

I cry all the time lol.

This is a suuuper common reaction for me when I get overwhelmed. It’s like the emotions are trying to escape my body via my eyes lol. I agree with the above advice, plus I highly recommend the strategy of breaking down bigger tasks into smaller ones. Even if that means watching a lectures in chunks. You watched 10 mins? That’s a win! Take it slow, and be forgiving of yourself :) you got this!

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5cp0bm

g5cklw5

I cry all the time lol.

Omg, I just went through this Saturday. I took a day off..well, two. Starting back today feeling fresh. Ugh. I empathize with you. Hang in there.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5clv99

g5cp0bm

Is your school's library open? Or perhaps another building on campus? If your campus is anything like ours (i.e. a ghost town) then there are plenty of quiet places where you can study while maintaining social distance.

I cry all the time lol.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5chnhz

g5chs6v

Sounds like sensory overload, and I very much relate! I couldn't do work at my parents' house for the same reasons, and I struggled to focus in my dorm in undergrad. I would get around it by playing wordless music fairly loud in my headphones; there are playlists on YouTube and Spotify. Does your institution offer free counseling? Many colleges are offering telehealth counseling and Zoom sessions. I find those to be helpful when I am overwhelmed.

I also have constant noise around me. I don’t know if this suits your lifestyle, but my remedy is taking my laptop, a bean bag, a blanket and portable charger and phone charger to the park or somewhere quiet for the day and get my work done. It works so well. Just make sure you bring lunch and set up near a public toilet.

it4dxy

askacademia_train

Anyone so frustrated they literally start to cry? I am so frustrated with my self for not being able to focus on my online assignments that I literally feel like i’m going to cry. my house is loud and i can’t find anywhere where it’s completely silent even with noise cancelling headphones. i have so much work to do but even with my medication i just couldn’t do it. my medication usually helps but it’s not doing anything except making it hard for me to eat. i hate this. i feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown

g5chs6v

g5chren

I also have constant noise around me. I don’t know if this suits your lifestyle, but my remedy is taking my laptop, a bean bag, a blanket and portable charger and phone charger to the park or somewhere quiet for the day and get my work done. It works so well. Just make sure you bring lunch and set up near a public toilet.

This is a suuuper common reaction for me when I get overwhelmed. It’s like the emotions are trying to escape my body via my eyes lol. I agree with the above advice, plus I highly recommend the strategy of breaking down bigger tasks into smaller ones. Even if that means watching a lectures in chunks. You watched 10 mins? That’s a win! Take it slow, and be forgiving of yourself :) you got this!

n3lkgg

askacademia_train

Thank you all I finished my PhD in spring of 2020 and stayed at my university in a different lab as a post doc. The new lab is awesome and I was happy there, even in a pandemic. But, I’m happy to say that I’ve accepted an TT assistant professor job in my dream city at a great school for this fall (R2, ranked top 20% in my field (allied health-related). I could literally spend my career there. Scouring this subreddit for guidance, tips, etc. was a lifesaver. You all rock. But, I know I’m lucky and I will strife to be mindful of that privilege.

gwrgymh

gwrm1r2

Congradulations.

Congratulations! I spent my career at one place. It was great and very interesting to become the senior faculty member toward the end of my career.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7302m

fx72ndj

If I thought people could behave themselves and not keep making their own versions of styles, I'd be delighted if we could settle on two styles: one numbered and one author-date. I think those both have their place. Sometimes author-date is very reader-friendly because it's easy to keep track of who the author is talking about, and at other times it's totally reader-hostile because the flow of reading is broken up by massive strings of names and dates.

I think things like Mendeley and Zotero make it manageable for one-off assignments. What I hate is when a journal article gets rejected and you need to convert it to another citation style. If you made some changes after removing Mendeley fields, it sucks to either go back to an old version or fix citations manually. This happened twice and I don't seem to learn my lesson.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx72ndj

fx76r33

I think things like Mendeley and Zotero make it manageable for one-off assignments. What I hate is when a journal article gets rejected and you need to convert it to another citation style. If you made some changes after removing Mendeley fields, it sucks to either go back to an old version or fix citations manually. This happened twice and I don't seem to learn my lesson.

Different citation styles emphasize different information, which is important, as different information is important in different disciplines. (for instance, some styles emphasize Authors, others the Year, others Publishers... depends on what's most important.) So the differences can be useful. But here's a different thought: it's a test. And a VERY important one for students to master. There are two reasons that students DON'T use the right style: laziness, and lateness. Waaaay back when, when I was in college, I hated trying to suss out and use the "correct" style, because I was always skating close to the deadline... and in those rare moments when I *wasn't*, I still felt like it was a "waste of (my important) time." My students today have the same problem. But here's the thing: there are a LOT of incredibly important things in life that have to be done PRECISELY, in the correct format. Not just your 1040 Form 6251-AMT... but also any scholarship or grant application, most serious job applications, paperwork for your Residency Permit, etc. etc. In high school, and in many college classes, students are cut a lot of slack. ("She's a smart kid; this is a good paper; yes, the citations are wrong, but the paper has great ideas--I'll still give it an A.") But then, a decade later, they find themselves applying for something really important--a major Federal grant, for example, or for naturalized citizenship. And very suddenly, with the stakes incredibly high, formatting perfection is make-or-break: if you make ONE mistake, and you're done. Students who have been cut a lot of slack can't make this adjustment. Actually, I think one of the real determinants for whether a smart undergrad gets into a grad program or not is exactly this minutia--attention to detail. (I say this as a former grad director, who's read a lot of application files.) So, yes: students don't "get" citation styles. (and really--how important *is* the correct style, in the cosmic scheme of things...???) But if they are forced to do it anyway--forced to look up the appropriate style, interpret it, apply it perfectly--then this will prepare them for a whole range of really important application-processes. But *only* if they are forced to do it, and held to it. One underappreciated reason, I would argue, that students with college degrees do so much better, career-wise, is that some of the 'administrative bullshit' of college--applying correct citation styles, running afoul of add/drop dates, pleading your piteous case to a hard-nosed professor, dealing with a difficult roommate, finding someone to explain a problem-set you just don't *understand*--prepares you for the "real world." Prepares you for *life itself.* In a way that high school never could. TLDR: it's for their own good.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx75gqn

fx76r33

oh yeah, 100% - but it would have to be my citation style because at this point I'm not investing in learning anyone else's.

Different citation styles emphasize different information, which is important, as different information is important in different disciplines. (for instance, some styles emphasize Authors, others the Year, others Publishers... depends on what's most important.) So the differences can be useful. But here's a different thought: it's a test. And a VERY important one for students to master. There are two reasons that students DON'T use the right style: laziness, and lateness. Waaaay back when, when I was in college, I hated trying to suss out and use the "correct" style, because I was always skating close to the deadline... and in those rare moments when I *wasn't*, I still felt like it was a "waste of (my important) time." My students today have the same problem. But here's the thing: there are a LOT of incredibly important things in life that have to be done PRECISELY, in the correct format. Not just your 1040 Form 6251-AMT... but also any scholarship or grant application, most serious job applications, paperwork for your Residency Permit, etc. etc. In high school, and in many college classes, students are cut a lot of slack. ("She's a smart kid; this is a good paper; yes, the citations are wrong, but the paper has great ideas--I'll still give it an A.") But then, a decade later, they find themselves applying for something really important--a major Federal grant, for example, or for naturalized citizenship. And very suddenly, with the stakes incredibly high, formatting perfection is make-or-break: if you make ONE mistake, and you're done. Students who have been cut a lot of slack can't make this adjustment. Actually, I think one of the real determinants for whether a smart undergrad gets into a grad program or not is exactly this minutia--attention to detail. (I say this as a former grad director, who's read a lot of application files.) So, yes: students don't "get" citation styles. (and really--how important *is* the correct style, in the cosmic scheme of things...???) But if they are forced to do it anyway--forced to look up the appropriate style, interpret it, apply it perfectly--then this will prepare them for a whole range of really important application-processes. But *only* if they are forced to do it, and held to it. One underappreciated reason, I would argue, that students with college degrees do so much better, career-wise, is that some of the 'administrative bullshit' of college--applying correct citation styles, running afoul of add/drop dates, pleading your piteous case to a hard-nosed professor, dealing with a difficult roommate, finding someone to explain a problem-set you just don't *understand*--prepares you for the "real world." Prepares you for *life itself.* In a way that high school never could. TLDR: it's for their own good.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx72ndj

fx73btd

I think things like Mendeley and Zotero make it manageable for one-off assignments. What I hate is when a journal article gets rejected and you need to convert it to another citation style. If you made some changes after removing Mendeley fields, it sucks to either go back to an old version or fix citations manually. This happened twice and I don't seem to learn my lesson.

Does anyone really care? I'm amazed when I see someone finding out that some ref isn't formatted as they expect. What's the process that someone goes through to be able to notice? To me it feels like like some purely aesthetic residual from another century. To find and download the ref I need a doi or a title exact enough to be googled. Why do people actually care? Then it's up to Mendeley/latex to format everything like editors pretend to like.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7oqle

fx7jw5j

The answer is Chicago. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Depending on the level of the course I try not to be too strict on citation. As long as the name/author/date are in there somewhere I don’t really care. I’ve noticed that my students focus on little things like citations and waste time that could’ve been spent writing a better argument.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7oqle

fx72ndj

The answer is Chicago. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think things like Mendeley and Zotero make it manageable for one-off assignments. What I hate is when a journal article gets rejected and you need to convert it to another citation style. If you made some changes after removing Mendeley fields, it sucks to either go back to an old version or fix citations manually. This happened twice and I don't seem to learn my lesson.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx75gqn

fx7oqle

oh yeah, 100% - but it would have to be my citation style because at this point I'm not investing in learning anyone else's.

The answer is Chicago. 🤷🏼‍♀️

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7fyl4

fx7oqle

In computer science, we have a rather lax view on citation styles. I think that's good so, because I don't want to have anything to do with the anal pedantry of strictly following citation style guidelines. In my view, such issues detract from the actually important issues of doing proper science.

The answer is Chicago. 🤷🏼‍♀️

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7oqle

fx7bpa3

The answer is Chicago. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why are y'all so frustrated about citation? Use Bibtex (and Latex) for god sake... a switch of citation is just a switch of \bibliographystyle{x} \LaTeX should not be confined in the natural science community. For e.g., I see business field people struggling with their propriety thesis.docx and I cringed so hard.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx72ndj

fx7jw5j

I think things like Mendeley and Zotero make it manageable for one-off assignments. What I hate is when a journal article gets rejected and you need to convert it to another citation style. If you made some changes after removing Mendeley fields, it sucks to either go back to an old version or fix citations manually. This happened twice and I don't seem to learn my lesson.

Depending on the level of the course I try not to be too strict on citation. As long as the name/author/date are in there somewhere I don’t really care. I’ve noticed that my students focus on little things like citations and waste time that could’ve been spent writing a better argument.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7jw5j

fx75gqn

Depending on the level of the course I try not to be too strict on citation. As long as the name/author/date are in there somewhere I don’t really care. I’ve noticed that my students focus on little things like citations and waste time that could’ve been spent writing a better argument.

oh yeah, 100% - but it would have to be my citation style because at this point I'm not investing in learning anyone else's.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7fyl4

fx7jw5j

In computer science, we have a rather lax view on citation styles. I think that's good so, because I don't want to have anything to do with the anal pedantry of strictly following citation style guidelines. In my view, such issues detract from the actually important issues of doing proper science.

Depending on the level of the course I try not to be too strict on citation. As long as the name/author/date are in there somewhere I don’t really care. I’ve noticed that my students focus on little things like citations and waste time that could’ve been spent writing a better argument.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7jw5j

fx7bpa3

Depending on the level of the course I try not to be too strict on citation. As long as the name/author/date are in there somewhere I don’t really care. I’ve noticed that my students focus on little things like citations and waste time that could’ve been spent writing a better argument.

Why are y'all so frustrated about citation? Use Bibtex (and Latex) for god sake... a switch of citation is just a switch of \bibliographystyle{x} \LaTeX should not be confined in the natural science community. For e.g., I see business field people struggling with their propriety thesis.docx and I cringed so hard.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx75gqn

fx7fyl4

oh yeah, 100% - but it would have to be my citation style because at this point I'm not investing in learning anyone else's.

In computer science, we have a rather lax view on citation styles. I think that's good so, because I don't want to have anything to do with the anal pedantry of strictly following citation style guidelines. In my view, such issues detract from the actually important issues of doing proper science.

hmq57i

askacademia_train

Do you think that life would be easier if there was just one universally accepted citation style? I know it sounds a rhetorical question. But as a TA, I have noticed that students in my institution often have a very difficult time with correct citation style. My class follows APA. Somehow, even with widely available internet sources (and even citation generators) many still do not seem to get it. Sometimes I wonder if a universally accepted, standardized citation style, across disciplines would make more sense. Perhaps this is more of a rant out of frustration. But I figured I would extend this question to the crowd to see what others think.

fx7bpa3

fx7fyl4

Why are y'all so frustrated about citation? Use Bibtex (and Latex) for god sake... a switch of citation is just a switch of \bibliographystyle{x} \LaTeX should not be confined in the natural science community. For e.g., I see business field people struggling with their propriety thesis.docx and I cringed so hard.

In computer science, we have a rather lax view on citation styles. I think that's good so, because I don't want to have anything to do with the anal pedantry of strictly following citation style guidelines. In my view, such issues detract from the actually important issues of doing proper science.

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5kynvp

i5l41rw

Go have a drink. Well done, you.

Congratulations! Some things to consider: * Create an orcid profile. * Check your university's or institution's policy on parallel publishing. Some universities will even require you to upload a final manuscript draft of the publication to their archives where the manuscript will be openly available. * Check other possible actions that your institution requires you to do after a publication has been accepted. * If you have outside funding, it is a very good practice to notify the funding party that you have a new publication; this will make them happy, they have got something back for their investment. * LinkedIn is also a social platform worth considering to disseminate your new work. * Update your CVs. * Update your research plan. These are some things that pop into my mind.

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5l41rw

i5l2b3e

Congratulations! Some things to consider: * Create an orcid profile. * Check your university's or institution's policy on parallel publishing. Some universities will even require you to upload a final manuscript draft of the publication to their archives where the manuscript will be openly available. * Check other possible actions that your institution requires you to do after a publication has been accepted. * If you have outside funding, it is a very good practice to notify the funding party that you have a new publication; this will make them happy, they have got something back for their investment. * LinkedIn is also a social platform worth considering to disseminate your new work. * Update your CVs. * Update your research plan. These are some things that pop into my mind.

I suggest celebrating.

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5l41rw

i5kzqcp

Congratulations! Some things to consider: * Create an orcid profile. * Check your university's or institution's policy on parallel publishing. Some universities will even require you to upload a final manuscript draft of the publication to their archives where the manuscript will be openly available. * Check other possible actions that your institution requires you to do after a publication has been accepted. * If you have outside funding, it is a very good practice to notify the funding party that you have a new publication; this will make them happy, they have got something back for their investment. * LinkedIn is also a social platform worth considering to disseminate your new work. * Update your CVs. * Update your research plan. These are some things that pop into my mind.

Congratulations, 🍾🎈 have a pint with your colleagues

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5kzqcp

i5l2b3e

Congratulations, 🍾🎈 have a pint with your colleagues

I suggest celebrating.

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5kzqcp

i5l9xo6

Congratulations, 🍾🎈 have a pint with your colleagues

A couple of other possible things to do: \- Post it to ResearchGate. \- Email it to people who you think might want to see it. Maybe someone you cited a lot in the paper? Someone you chatted with at a conference when you said this was a project you were working on? \- Post on Twitter. Maybe consider writing up a few key takeaways in accessible language as a thread for folks who can't or won't read an academic article. Also, find some way to celebrate!

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5l5mdi

i5l9xo6

Grab a beer, celebrate with friends/colleagues and focus on your next work 👍

A couple of other possible things to do: \- Post it to ResearchGate. \- Email it to people who you think might want to see it. Maybe someone you cited a lot in the paper? Someone you chatted with at a conference when you said this was a project you were working on? \- Post on Twitter. Maybe consider writing up a few key takeaways in accessible language as a thread for folks who can't or won't read an academic article. Also, find some way to celebrate!

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5lcuby

i5la4jj

Congrats, welcome to the rat race

As others said, celebrate. Congratulation. Also probably create Researchgate account, I had a lot of people asking my papers there. Another account on Web of Science and make a RSS feed with the citation alert so you get mail when someone uses it in their paper.

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5l5mdi

i5lcuby

Grab a beer, celebrate with friends/colleagues and focus on your next work 👍

Congrats, welcome to the rat race

u8fy6h

askacademia_train

My work just got published, it's my first publication What are the things I should do? I've already created a Google Scholar Profile.

i5la4jj

i5l5mdi

As others said, celebrate. Congratulation. Also probably create Researchgate account, I had a lot of people asking my papers there. Another account on Web of Science and make a RSS feed with the citation alert so you get mail when someone uses it in their paper.

Grab a beer, celebrate with friends/colleagues and focus on your next work 👍

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5da0m

fo5dsht

I remember this. Ours had alternate green and white bars because the SSN and grade were on OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE DAMN PAGE!!!

They did this at my high school in the early 00s too. My poor boyfriend had an SSN that started with a 0, which the school's system didn't recognize so everyone always knew his grade because he was the one with an 8-digit social.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5gct2

fo6uk47

This definitely happened at my school in late 90s/early 00s. I often tell my students this story. Although I did have one prof that said we could put a random word on the top of our final exam and he would list it under that instead. I still can’t believe the college thought it was a great idea to have our SSN be our student ID. I think I still have my old college ID in my lockbox with SSN on it for fun.

I remember my Social Security Number being my student ID and being printed ON my student ID. Those were the days.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5gct2

fo698n3

This definitely happened at my school in late 90s/early 00s. I often tell my students this story. Although I did have one prof that said we could put a random word on the top of our final exam and he would list it under that instead. I still can’t believe the college thought it was a great idea to have our SSN be our student ID. I think I still have my old college ID in my lockbox with SSN on it for fun.

UCLA early 90s, we were mailed postcards with final grades. We had comouter access but it was dos and used for informational purposes rather than registration. We could access the library however I believe.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5gct2

fo6kqn1

This definitely happened at my school in late 90s/early 00s. I often tell my students this story. Although I did have one prof that said we could put a random word on the top of our final exam and he would list it under that instead. I still can’t believe the college thought it was a great idea to have our SSN be our student ID. I think I still have my old college ID in my lockbox with SSN on it for fun.

I remember doing this -- I started teaching in the mid-90s. And I don't recall ever hearing anyone complain about privacy, although obviously it was even back then a huge privacy violation. As awful as the Covid-19 pandemic has been, I frequently thank our lucky stars this didn't happen 20 years ago, or the entire system of higher ed would have to shut down indefinitely ala Oxford and Cambridge during the Black Death. (Although we *did* get calculus from that particular deal.)

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5fvyf

fo6uk47

This happened up until not long ago lol I got grades posted this way in 2012

I remember my Social Security Number being my student ID and being printed ON my student ID. Those were the days.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5n6yq

fo6uk47

They still do this throughout Africa. It's very interesting.

I remember my Social Security Number being my student ID and being printed ON my student ID. Those were the days.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo6uk47

fo5owme

I remember my Social Security Number being my student ID and being printed ON my student ID. Those were the days.

They put their names next to the grades in Korean public school because it motivated the kids to work harder. Would never work these days because america is soft but it sure motivated me to get that number 1 spot

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5pmkb

fo6uk47

It was like this at my college up until ~2005 when they switched to student IDs. It was common for people to leave their exams littered around after getting grades back... so many names and socials just laying around outside.

I remember my Social Security Number being my student ID and being printed ON my student ID. Those were the days.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo67shx

fo6uk47

Some of my undergrad teachers used to do this... In 2015!

I remember my Social Security Number being my student ID and being printed ON my student ID. Those were the days.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo6q1xy

fo6uk47

They still do this at my university. Not with exams but general course and test marks

I remember my Social Security Number being my student ID and being printed ON my student ID. Those were the days.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5fvyf

fo698n3

This happened up until not long ago lol I got grades posted this way in 2012

UCLA early 90s, we were mailed postcards with final grades. We had comouter access but it was dos and used for informational purposes rather than registration. We could access the library however I believe.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5fvyf

fo6kqn1

This happened up until not long ago lol I got grades posted this way in 2012

I remember doing this -- I started teaching in the mid-90s. And I don't recall ever hearing anyone complain about privacy, although obviously it was even back then a huge privacy violation. As awful as the Covid-19 pandemic has been, I frequently thank our lucky stars this didn't happen 20 years ago, or the entire system of higher ed would have to shut down indefinitely ala Oxford and Cambridge during the Black Death. (Although we *did* get calculus from that particular deal.)

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo698n3

fo5n6yq

UCLA early 90s, we were mailed postcards with final grades. We had comouter access but it was dos and used for informational purposes rather than registration. We could access the library however I believe.

They still do this throughout Africa. It's very interesting.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5n6yq

fo6kqn1

They still do this throughout Africa. It's very interesting.

I remember doing this -- I started teaching in the mid-90s. And I don't recall ever hearing anyone complain about privacy, although obviously it was even back then a huge privacy violation. As awful as the Covid-19 pandemic has been, I frequently thank our lucky stars this didn't happen 20 years ago, or the entire system of higher ed would have to shut down indefinitely ala Oxford and Cambridge during the Black Death. (Although we *did* get calculus from that particular deal.)

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5owme

fo698n3

They put their names next to the grades in Korean public school because it motivated the kids to work harder. Would never work these days because america is soft but it sure motivated me to get that number 1 spot

UCLA early 90s, we were mailed postcards with final grades. We had comouter access but it was dos and used for informational purposes rather than registration. We could access the library however I believe.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5pmkb

fo698n3

It was like this at my college up until ~2005 when they switched to student IDs. It was common for people to leave their exams littered around after getting grades back... so many names and socials just laying around outside.

UCLA early 90s, we were mailed postcards with final grades. We had comouter access but it was dos and used for informational purposes rather than registration. We could access the library however I believe.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo67shx

fo698n3

Some of my undergrad teachers used to do this... In 2015!

UCLA early 90s, we were mailed postcards with final grades. We had comouter access but it was dos and used for informational purposes rather than registration. We could access the library however I believe.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5owme

fo6kqn1

They put their names next to the grades in Korean public school because it motivated the kids to work harder. Would never work these days because america is soft but it sure motivated me to get that number 1 spot

I remember doing this -- I started teaching in the mid-90s. And I don't recall ever hearing anyone complain about privacy, although obviously it was even back then a huge privacy violation. As awful as the Covid-19 pandemic has been, I frequently thank our lucky stars this didn't happen 20 years ago, or the entire system of higher ed would have to shut down indefinitely ala Oxford and Cambridge during the Black Death. (Although we *did* get calculus from that particular deal.)

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5pmkb

fo6kqn1

It was like this at my college up until ~2005 when they switched to student IDs. It was common for people to leave their exams littered around after getting grades back... so many names and socials just laying around outside.

I remember doing this -- I started teaching in the mid-90s. And I don't recall ever hearing anyone complain about privacy, although obviously it was even back then a huge privacy violation. As awful as the Covid-19 pandemic has been, I frequently thank our lucky stars this didn't happen 20 years ago, or the entire system of higher ed would have to shut down indefinitely ala Oxford and Cambridge during the Black Death. (Although we *did* get calculus from that particular deal.)

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo6kqn1

fo67shx

I remember doing this -- I started teaching in the mid-90s. And I don't recall ever hearing anyone complain about privacy, although obviously it was even back then a huge privacy violation. As awful as the Covid-19 pandemic has been, I frequently thank our lucky stars this didn't happen 20 years ago, or the entire system of higher ed would have to shut down indefinitely ala Oxford and Cambridge during the Black Death. (Although we *did* get calculus from that particular deal.)

Some of my undergrad teachers used to do this... In 2015!

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo5pmkb

fo5owme

It was like this at my college up until ~2005 when they switched to student IDs. It was common for people to leave their exams littered around after getting grades back... so many names and socials just laying around outside.

They put their names next to the grades in Korean public school because it motivated the kids to work harder. Would never work these days because america is soft but it sure motivated me to get that number 1 spot

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo6q1xy

fo83myf

They still do this at my university. Not with exams but general course and test marks

And remember registering for classes , by physically lining up for them? And typing up papers. I miss the smell of mimeograph ink though. Good times.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo83myf

fo7172n

And remember registering for classes , by physically lining up for them? And typing up papers. I miss the smell of mimeograph ink though. Good times.

Wow. Even in the mid-'80s here we had discreet student numbers, and that's what was used. I went back to school in the late '90s to finish my undergrad work, and we had profs posting grades on the wall as late as about 2000 or 2001. My university mailed us grades as well, which is how you found out your grade if the professor didn't post grades or you weren't on campus enough to see. Eventually (I forget when) they became available online as soon as released by the Dean's office, which is what we still use today. And you can only see your own grade, and, if you order an informal transcript (doable online in about five minutes), you can see the class mean and standard deviation, too.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo73rae

fo83myf

I remember this from when I started college in 2003. We registered for classes by an appointment for a telephone call, and they posted our grades on a sheet of paper by student ID number. If you wanted to know your grade in the class, you had to—gasp— keep track of it yourself!

And remember registering for classes , by physically lining up for them? And typing up papers. I miss the smell of mimeograph ink though. Good times.

g5sf4a

askacademia_train

Posting grades back in the '90s Thinking back to when I was in undergrad (early '90s). You would be in a big lecture course, and after an exam the prof would post everyone's grades on the wall outside the classroom so you could walk up and see what you got. (Not everyone had e-mail yet, and course management systems were years off.) The grades were not organized by name, because that would be too easy to know someone else's grade. No, by Social Security number.

fo7n9ay

fo83myf

In high school our AP US History class was taught college style with a lecture for all 4 classes per period (100 students) 2-3 days a week and "sections" the other days a week. When we had midterm exams throughout the semester the teachers would post our grades on the front door with names so you could immediately see who set the curve for the exam. This was in the mid 2000s.

And remember registering for classes , by physically lining up for them? And typing up papers. I miss the smell of mimeograph ink though. Good times.

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggczj4r

ggd0jnh

Surprise surprise.

They aren't leaving science, they're leaving academia. There is plenty of science to do in industry.

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggd0sew

ggczj4r

It's just drumbeating every now and then for letting future grads and postdocs know that "We" are aware of the situation. The survey they need to do is "**How many vacation/summer/wine houses those senior/retired Professors own and keep paying mortgage from tenure salary without retiring at the age at 65-70?**"

Surprise surprise.

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggdc6l8

ggdcsy9

Imagine that, people want better work culture, pay and hours like you get in industry instead of spending your 30s into 40s as an indentured servant

Every single academic post doc job listing I see in my area is for the federal mandated minimum (~47k a year USD). Nobody with a PhD wants to work long hours for that amount of money.

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggczj4r

ggdcsy9

Surprise surprise.

Every single academic post doc job listing I see in my area is for the federal mandated minimum (~47k a year USD). Nobody with a PhD wants to work long hours for that amount of money.

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggd29mh

ggdcsy9

Well, duh.

Every single academic post doc job listing I see in my area is for the federal mandated minimum (~47k a year USD). Nobody with a PhD wants to work long hours for that amount of money.

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggczj4r

ggdc6l8

Surprise surprise.

Imagine that, people want better work culture, pay and hours like you get in industry instead of spending your 30s into 40s as an indentured servant

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggd29mh

ggdc6l8

Well, duh.

Imagine that, people want better work culture, pay and hours like you get in industry instead of spending your 30s into 40s as an indentured servant

kg7hag

askacademia_train

Postdocs under pressure: long hours and a lack of job security, combined with workplace bullying and discrimination, are forcing many to consider leaving science, finds Nature’s inaugural survey of postdoctoral researchers. There is a lot of relevant information here for people in various stages of their academic career, so I wanted to share it with the community: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03235-y

ggdjkmt

ggdk9md

I'm not even a scientist/academic, yet seeing all the "postdoc subhuman trash lolol" memes in academic groups I'm somehow not surprised by the OP.

Yea, this is why I chose not to do a postdoc after my PhD. Academic research is just a hamster wheel where you work 90+ hrs/week and successful outcomes are dictated more by luck than hard work/knowledge.