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I asked previous one-night stand if I should give him a thumbs up or thumbs down after I came across his (seemingly new) profile on a dating app. He told me a thumbs down, but I'm pretty sure he said that without understanding the situation. What should my response be? | Summarize the following paragraph: Reddit always seems to be pretty good at crafting responses to people, so I'm hoping that applies to this situation. This is so stupid and I'm sorry for it.
In February, I woke up naked in a dude's bed on a Sunday morning. We'd both blacked out the night before but he was really hot, and I was attracted to him. We hung out a few times over the next 6 days until we made plans one night and he blew me off to hang with his friends. Neither of us ever texted the other after that night (we didn't have a confrontational situation).
Normally I wouldn't care, but we live in a really rural area, so I see him every time I go out now. Today I was swiping on Tinder and saw his profile (for the first time in the 3-4 months it's been). I screenshotted his profile and texted it to him, saying "should I swipe left or right? ; )" I figured it would open up lines of communication if he wanted, or he could easily ignore it if he didn't want to talk to me. Instead..... he texted back "?" And then "Left?"
Those of you who don't know: on tinder, if you swipe left on someone's profile, you're "rejecting" it, but if you swipe right, you give it a thumbs up, essentially, and if both parties swipe right, then you're granted the ability to chat with each other in-app.
So... he was telling me to do a "thumbs down" on his profile, basically. Wtf! Here's the thing though: I'm 90% sure that he genuinely did not understand the question and wasn't trying to be mean.
So, Reddit: what should I say back to him? I want to say something lighthearted, but I can't fathom with where to start. | openai_summarize |
How can I get him to acclimate to a more stable and rewarding job while he's in the middle of a terrible situation? | Summarize the following paragraph: I'm sure this isn't the first time a recruiter has lied to someone and I doubt it will be the last. My SO and I just picked up our lives and job in South Texas to move to Denver, CO with the promise of a stable, similar, good paying job. He's been working there 3 weeks. Well, she got the pay part right.
While what he's doing now is in his field, it's not at all similar. He was completely misinformed as to the job duties. On top of all that, he was told this position was incredibly stable with a low turnover rate. The, nearly, exact opposite is true. His coworkers are conniving, outright hurtful (one of them actually called him a faggot because he mention his elbows were cracking in the dry Denver air), and refuse to train him in any way for the position he's in.
It's become pretty clear his coworkers are already looking for a reason to get rid of him. Management is less than concerned about this.
If we were in any other situation I would tell him to flip all of them off, cuss them out, and leave the experience off his resume. But, being that he brings in a large majority of our monthly income, we just moved half way across the country and signed a two year lease, and we're pretty broke because of it, I'm looking for a way for him to acclimate a little better. I think if he can get into the good old boys club life would become immensely easier for him. At least until he could find something comparable in pay in the area.
So, | openai_summarize |
I have a crush on a friend, but I’m afraid to make a move because of our shared commitments and (brief) dating history with a roommate. | Summarize the following paragraph: We met last year through a club at school. We never really talked in-depth until the last couple of months before summer break, but we became good friends. When we had the opportunity to take leadership positions in the organization, we decided to be co-leaders together. A few weeks ago, we went on a leadership training trip that is supposed to help all of the co-leaders to get to know each other. We got to spend a lot of time together, and ever since then I’ve developed a huge crush on her.
I wouldn’t hesitate to ask her out under almost any other circumstances. Our interests line up even outside of the club’s activities, and we’re even from the same city. The main “problem” that is keeping me from asking is the commitment we’ve made to the club as co-leaders. We are expected to serve for two years, so if it doesn’t work out between us I can’t see any way to fulfill our roles as before without one of us dropping the activity altogether. Neither of us wants to do that.
To complicate matters further, she also dated my friend and roommate (M 19) for about a month last year before she ended it because she wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. My friend has moved on since then and is currently seeing someone else.
I think I’m too close to the situation to be able to make the best decision. Should I man up and express my feelings to her, or should I try to move on and focus my attention somewhere else? Thanks for any and all responses. | openai_summarize |
my girlfriend's dad caught us having sex in our car. How do I handle this situation? | Summarize the following paragraph: My girlfriend was in town visiting from school this weekend and her dad caught us having sex in my car. It seemed like movie when it happened. We saw headlights, I told her not to worry, and a second later she was screaming that it was her dad as he was opening my car door. I've been thinking of ways to handle the situation but I still have not come up with any great ideas. My best one so far is to go over to her house unannounced and ask to speak with her father one on one. Not sure how great of an idea this is and also not sure how long I should wait. I was thinking to go over this morning but my SO thinks I should wait. Any ideas on how to deal with this? Or how long I should wait to ask to speak with him? | openai_summarize |
I have lost everything, everything and I am lonely and sad. Can it get better? (me:25f/him:25m) | Summarize the following paragraph: It started with the regular warning sign, such as getting jealous over small and petty things. I tried to be understanding, so I would cut a (male) friend or two out of my life for my bf. Then he gets upset every time I go out. I tried to be understanding again and go out less. Nothing was ever enough though. I have cancelled upon my friends and family constantly. I have cut so many people out of my life because they were either inappropriate male friends or bad influence -girlfriends.
Now two years later I have no one, except my bf. I am so miserable and bitter, so lonely, so out of love yet so utterly dependent on him. I have no one left, yet I am terrified of going out; I might accidentally meet someone and have fun. It will definitely upset my bf; I cannot lose him as I have no one else left.
I know this was not a good relationships-post, sorry. I guess I needed to rant and someone to tell me that it can get better. I need you to tell me your story and tell me that it can get better.
I'm so alone. | openai_summarize |
girl likes me, thought she was dating someone turned out she's single. Asked her if she wanted to hangout said no. | Summarize the following paragraph: So there is this girl I like in my club. She flirts with me, jokes around. So me being fairly athletic, im in great shape and I love it. Il stretch over a chair and she just sorta started mimicking me and using the chair to push her chest out.
or she'll look at me and mess with her bellybutton this happened recently.
This kid asked how was her date last night and if she was single, she said yes im single. I figured they were dating because she said she was hanging out with him.
Yet they don't seem like a couple, and she's flirting with me really hard.
I really like her and she may be single but recently i asked her if she wanted to hangout sometime and she was like no.
Now idk maybe hangout doesn't mean what i thought it did.
Should I ask her if she's single? Im really confused. | openai_summarize |
I like a guy, but he's still friends with all the same people I used to hang out with in high school. And they're not people I'd willingly hang out with anymore. | Summarize the following paragraph: I've been talking a lot with this old acquaintance from my home town and the conversations are clearly flirty in nature so I have a pretty good idea of where this is going. But the problem with this guy's friends circle is that they're all the same people I used to hang out with in high school.
His brother used to be my classmate, in high school I briefly dated his best friend, we all hung out in the same basement every weekend, etc. They're not bad people, but it was a small town and you're sort of pushed together with these people because of the circumstances surrounding you, not necessarily because you'd choose them as your friends. When I rarely hang out with them (some sort of social obligation I guess), it's still all the same jokes and all the same topics as in high school. Honestly, I sometimes feel this incredible urge to just delete all of them from my social media, because I don't really want them to know what I do or how I'm doing. These people never made me feel good about myself.
But I do like this guy. I had a crush on him for years, he's funny and hot, part of me really wants to see where this could go. But part of me also knows that hanging out with our old friends would just mean a lot of juvenile humor, smoking weed, lots of gossip, people making "good-natured" jokes about various minorities, etc. I don't really care for that but I know these are the people he spends the majority of his time with.
Is there a way to date this guy but not really interact with my old friends? Or am I an asshole for even having this problem, I mean is this thing even worth pursuing? | openai_summarize |
I've been trying to come out to my parents for years, and now I'm not sure if I should. | Summarize the following paragraph: My parents are members of a christian church and attend meetings every week. My father has been in some leadership positions a few times; So they are well known by the congregation.
For a long time, I would go with them and, in general, did not find it unpleasant. I have a lot of good friends in the congregation.
But I find myself not sharing their faith anymore. I'm not entirely atheist, but definitely do not appreciate the concept of organized religion. I have only recently come to this conclusion, and no one else knows.
I want to come out, so to speak, so I don't have to keep up a facade. But I also want to stay on good terms with my parents and friends; i.e. Not be viewed as accusatory or hostile or as "denouncing" their faith.
My parents aren't ones to become angry. When a friend of my father announced he was gay, my father seemed more disappointed than anything. I have a feeling my friends and other family that attend the church will react similarly.
Does anyone with experience with "coming out" religiously? As said, I'd like to keep on good relations with my friends and family, but also want them to misunderstand that I did not suddenly develop this "lack of faith" without thinking it through. | openai_summarize |
my boyfriend doesn't initiate, touch me during sex. How do I make connection? | Summarize the following paragraph: I've (32F) been in seeing my boyfriend almost 6 months. We see each other every week, and he's affectionate outside of the bedroom (cuddle on the couch, holds my hand). But recently my boyfriend just lies down when we go to bed, like he wants me to work to 'start the engine'. He'll put my hand on his penis that he wants me to get him hard. I'll kiss, touch him softly and give him a hand/BJ.
Then when he's erect, he just says I should get undressed. He doesn't do anything to seduce me. He doesn't touch me or kiss my body. He doesn't say anything. He puts my legs in the air and we have sex, which is ok, but I want more of an intimate connection.
I touch and kiss his body while he's in me. I've told him "I love it when you..." while were in bed. But this has been a pattern for a month or so now and I'm wondering why he's not touching me and what I can do without hurting our relationship.
I don't know if this is something about him being nervous or insecure. If he's afraid of our relationship moving forward. If it has to do with porn or stress. But I'd like to have him be 'with' me in bed. I'd appreciate input from men especially on how to approach this. | openai_summarize |
My best friend and I are in love with each other but we never actually dated. Now it's too late because I'm going off to college really far away. How do I let go of him and have a good time in college? | Summarize the following paragraph: I'm a senior in high school in Minnesota, and I'm going off to college in California next year. I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to meet new people, study what I love, and experience a new place. I won't miss much from Minnesota. I'm not terribly connected to anyone here.
Except one person.
He's my best friend and I'm in love with him. He loves me, too. The weird thing is that we've never actually dated for a long list of reasons that I won't bore you with. But even though we're not a couple, we tell each other everything, understand each other better than anyone else, and he's usually the only person who can cheer me up when I'm sad. I would try to pursue an actual romantic relationship with him, but I feel like it's too late now because I definitely don't want to start anything long distance.
When I go to college, I just want to have fun and start a new life. But I'm scared that I'm going to miss him like crazy and not be able to let go. I don't want to stop talking to him or forget about him, I just want to be able to date people in college without feeling weird or guilty. And I want to stop thinking about what it could have been like if we actually started dating a few years ago. So with that, I have a few questions.
How can I go about letting go of him without cutting him out of my life?
Should I tell him out loud that I love him before I leave?
How can I date people in college without feeling weird or guilty about it?
Any other advice you have would be wonderful. | openai_summarize |
I'm going to be interviewing for a dream job and i'm freaking out over it, how can I prepare and how do I keep myself calm? | Summarize the following paragraph: Next week I have a 2 day in-person interview with a dream company doing a dream job and I'm freaking out over it.
Some background on me, I've never had much luck with jobs before. All of my previous jobs have been near minimum wage that I've gotten from friends and family. I thought I got extremely lucky getting a phone call when I applied for this job. Then I got a second call about a month later and I couldn't believe it. Now they are flying me out for what will probably be the final interview. I've never gotten this far in an interview process before and I'm not sure if what will be different now that I will be talking to multiple people face to face for several hours. My previous two interviews went OK, not catastrophic but I certainly could have done much better.
I've already done a mock interview with my college career center and I've trolled glassdoor and the interwebs to find examples of behavioral questions, I've gone back over my resume and make sure I can describe all of my projects and experiences. I'm getting my suit cleaned and pressed and my hair cut to look as professional as possible. I've even gotten a couple books out of the library to review the material in case they ask a technical question. I know I need to have confidence in myself first but there is a small part of me that is saying that they are going to go with the person with more experience(I've never had any sort of internship), or the person with a higher GPA (mines pretty average), or worse if I do get the job I wont be smart enough to keep up with the incredible work this company is doing. My question for you is what else can I do to prepare and what should I do to keep myself calm and confident. | openai_summarize |
I want to make my girlfriend's first kiss special on our next date | Summarize the following paragraph: Ok, so My girlfriend and I are both pretty shy. We've been seeing each other for about 5 months, but we are both pretty busy, so we only really go out once a week or so. She is really busy, and was gone pretty much all this summer, and we are finally going on a date (out to dinner) in a couple of days, the first time in about a month.
Here's the thing: We haven't kissed yet. We are each other's first boyfriend/ girlfriend, so I've been really hesitant about it, not to mention that she is quite taller than me (4-6 inches or so).
I was wondering if it would be a good idea to kiss her on this date or not and how not to make it awkward because of our height difference. I can feel that she's waiting for it, but I don't know how to make it special. We are both pretty awkward. Should it be on the cheek, or on the lips? I did try to a few times while we hugged good bye, but I just kinda froze. | openai_summarize |
Broke it off with ex, still love him. Not over him, rebound just isn't him. | Summarize the following paragraph: I split from him because I wasn't happy. I felt single when I was with him and felt like he didn't care as much about me as I did him.
Eventually I got tired of trying all the time and tired of it being a one sided relationship. So I ended it. Despite still loving him I had grown some resentment for the way he has made me feel over the past year or so.
I am currently rebounding too and its horrible. The guy I am "with" the now, just isn't my ex. I look at him and wish he was. I am clearly not over my ex at all and I don't know how to deal with it.
With every little situation in life I just wish I still had him, I wish I hadn't broke it off but I know I'd be unhappy if I hadn't...maybe? I am even worse now than before.
How do I get over him??? | openai_summarize |
Last year, at the direction of my department head and others, I edited a recording of a class to remove inappropriate comments made by a professor. Just recently, in an unrelated incident, much of the administration was fired for not acting properly in response to a professor's bad behavior. Could I be fired for "covering things up" even though I was acting on the directive of several department heads? | Summarize the following paragraph: I work at a school in Massachusetts. Many of our classes are recorded so that students can review them afterwards. About six months ago, an executive (Bill) reached out to the head of my department (Sally). A professor had made some inappropriate comments in one of the recordings, and a student had brought it to Bill's attention. Bill asked Sally to edit the recording and remove the comments. This task was delegated to me and one other person. It made sense, so we did it and thought nothing of it.
Fast forward to yesterday: the school's president emails the entire school about a completely unrelated incident where a professor had been behaving inappropriately. Nothing had been done by the administration after numerous students' complaints, and all those who had failed to act were promptly fired. Bill was not among them, and was in fact referenced as the executive to which these types of incidents should be reported.
At the same time, I can't stop thinking about the incident a few months ago and how, in retrospect, I basically helped to erase evidence of wrongdoing. Since Bill was already aware of it, I'm hoping that he analyzed the situation and decided that was the best course of action (among anything he did on his end), but...it still seems weird. I'm concerned that my just modifying the recording without thinking is the kind of thing that could get me fired, just as the administration was fired for failing to act on student complaints.
What should I do? Talk to my boss? The HR director? Bill? Leave it alone? | openai_summarize |
Depressed immature sister is at rock bottom, and our relationship is awful. I'm legitimately worried and sad for her, what can I do to help? | Summarize the following paragraph: My sister is severely depressed and tonight is the first night I realized the extent for it. Now my sister and I have always had a rocky relationship, and I am inclined to believe that it started when my sister ratted me out for smoking bud back in 9th grade.
She has been "sick" for a good 2-3 years of her life. I use airquotes because im always at a disbelief towards that matter. Due to lack of diagnostics when she was sick and I believe she was faking to get out of commitments. Now I know I sound like an asshole when I say that, but I just have always felt that way.
Now we hardly talk, and when we do its never more then two sentences. During the time she was sick she stayed at home and missed so much school for 9th 10th she has to take summer classes to make up. She is very ignorant to stuff, and lives in her own little world that is her room, her youtube makeup videos, and her tv. During these few years she put on alot of weight.
I feel like this weight is the root of her depression and that she does not have many friends, and tonight she freaked out in such a way I was freaked out. She was yelling and cussing at the top of her lungs and I just watched her horrified. She looked at her worst, rock bottom. She takes anti depressants and dropped her dosage to get off them, and you can tell she is alot less happy. I wish there was something I could do to help her fix herself. I have had problems in my past, and deal with anxiety and temp. depression but I have never felt it for an extended amount of time. Im very worried, what do I do to help her and fix our relation ship? | openai_summarize |
Jury foreperson appointed by judge guilty, I want to convince their fellow jurors to write a note to tell the judge they don't think he got competent council. | Summarize the following paragraph: I'm curious if anyone-- trial lawyers, for instance-- have any comments on this.
3rd day of jury duty-- state circuit court. Got put on a trial for a guy accused of auto theft, resisting arrest and a smattering of lesser stuff. He's SO guilty, and like many criminals so pathetically stupid I feel sorry for him. Thing is, his PD lawyer is clueless. He seems unprepared, he put his client on the stand and led the poor bastard though a series of bald-faced lies that the prosecution picked apart like a crow at a meatball, and his opening and closing summations were nonsense.
Wanting to get out of there, I volunteer myself foreperson. We on the jury did our job-- we deliberated in good faith, spent lots of time going over the obvious, and handed down a guilty verdict.
Here's the thing-- now that it's over, I want to go back in time and convince the other jurors to send a note out to the judge saying 'we don't think this guy got competent council. Please advise."
OK, the poor bastard defendant was guilty as charged-- that's as obvious as it gets. I still think the guy was entitled to a lawyer who could do his job. What should I have done? | openai_summarize |
My ex dumped me 3 years ago. I am in a long distance relationship for now. How do I move on? | Summarize the following paragraph: I apologise in advance for the wall of text.
We broke up in August of 2011. It hasn't quite been a year yet. I am in a long distance relationship, although we are currently together for the summer. We have been dating for 9 months, met about 2 months after my break up.
Today would have been our 6 year anniversary.
He left me because I was deep in depression for a long time, not going anywhere with my life. We had to move out of our apartment because I couldn't find a job. I was living at home, smoking pot and playing video games most of the time. I was hiding from life. I know I had it coming and completely deserved it, but I haven't gotten over him.
The guy I am with now is perfect. He is extremely intelligent, funny, goofy, sweet, caring, handsome and treats me like a princess. He is extremely stubborn and fit, with great career goals - to be a police officer, which I know he will easily achieve. He lives on the other side of the country, and it will be a year (possibly 2) until we can live together. My ex never did anything after high school, but works full time at a warehouse. He was always a really nice guy, but doesn't have any outstanding qualities. I really care about the new guy but the other guy is always at the back of my mind. While I love him, it's nothing like how I felt for the other guy. I still feel like he was my soulmate.
I went back to school last fall to upgrade my courses from high school (got my acceptance a week after he broke up with me) and am now enrolled in an extremely competitive program which will give me my dream job. I quit smoking pot and never drink, I still play video games with my boyfriend. I've completely turned my life around.
I need to know how to move on. There have been hints that my ex wants to try things again, but I don't want to risk losing everything I have with my new boyfriend for another chance. How do I forget about my ex and let my new relationship flourish? | openai_summarize |
I'm not sure if I like any of the girls I've been with, but I've never been in a relationship before. | Summarize the following paragraph: Maybe I just need to type this out, or maybe I really could use the advice, but I really just am trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. But some advice could help.
So I'm a sophomore in college and have been single since a break up my senior year in high school. It didn't take me long to get over her and I've had an almost relationship with a girl my freshman year, but that's another story.
This year I met a girl, we'll call her "Lynn". I took her to a few date parties for my fraternity, but I never really got the vibe that she was into me. At one party I saw her making out and dancing with a guy for a good couple hours. So when I see that, I think she's not into me. I've always thought I kinda liked her, but when I wouldn't get the vibe she liked me, I'd discount it and move on.
This semester I meet a girl that I'm really into, we'll call her "Kelley". She seems really into me, but then I find out she has an on-again off-again BF. I'd text her, but the conversations would always seem forced. With Lynn, they never seemed forced, which was great.
So I invite Kelley to a date party, get way too drunk, and basically don't hang out with her for the whole night. I apologize and try to talk to her, but she seems even more distant. I haven't talked to her for a couple weeks now. Meanwhile, I think I have/still have feelings for Lynn.
So do I go for Lynn or Kelley? It just seems that I always end up coming back to Lynn, and I don't know if I like these girls for who they are, or if I just want to have a relationship. | openai_summarize |
Best friend's mum has cancer and I feel awkward talking to her about it. | Summarize the following paragraph: When we first became friends, I knew her mum had cancer - she was pretty casual about it, quite light-hearted. She mentioned at one point being on her way to sort out her will, but didn't go into much depth. Not too long ago she told me that she was stopping treatment, but again it was a pretty brief conversation. She told me two nights ago she's been given three months and now I don't know what to do.
Part of the problem is I live in the UK, she lives in Canada. We only talk through iMessage and Facetime but we've been doing that for about a year and I do consider her absolutely one of my best friends and she has plans to visit this summer.
When she messaged me to tell me it was about 2am here and we only talked for about 20 minutes. I just said the first things that came to mind, that maybe it'll be longer (although I didn't want to suggest she might be okay, I know she won't), to make the most of the time she has, that I love her and would be around for her (and so would her boyfriend) and that the world is fucking cruel sometimes.
Since then, I'm just stuck. I texted to ask how she was yesterday, that was pretty awkward. Today she sent me a screenshot of a text she'd sent to her ex-boyfriend letting him know since they were together quite a while and he got on well with her mum, he didn't reply so we just slated him for a while. We haven't spoken much other than that, but we don't talk like non-stop every day anyway so that's not too odd.
I just don't know how to help her. I don't want to offer just generic standard condolences, but it just feels really awkward to be my usual self and have our usual conversations, it feels like I'm acting like it's nothing. Any advice on things to say, how to deal with this or even other subs that might be helpful would be appreciated. | openai_summarize |
I asked my best friend to be my SO and talk to her about my feelings for her but she made me feel bad and i dont know if shes upset at me for breaking the terms of our relationship. | Summarize the following paragraph: Ill just start off with a little introduction into the situation. My friend has only been dating this girl for around 2 months. I found out that he was being unfaithful and i got really upset because i really care about this girl and couldnt stand for her to get mistreated. I told him how deep my feelings were for her and he agreed i could treat her better an gave me the go ahead.
I have touched on the subject a few times with her both verbally and a little physically (Having her sit on my lap, Putting my arm around her etc)
Then one night I decide im just going to come clean to her (Which turns out might have not been the best idea).
( I know this next part sounds really bad and i put to much on her at once an im aware of that now, But ive never felt this way about a girl before.) (Also in this next part I didnt advance sexually at all)
I drove her home one night we parked and she agreed to sit in the backseat and talk with me. (She was already roughly aware of what the conversation was going to be about.) I took control of the situation put her in my arms and explained to her how I felt and that I love her and that my best friend knows what's happening. She let me intertwine our hands but then started talking about how she can't do it , starts to get emotional ( begins to cry a little bit). I ask her if she's OK and if she's comfortable she says she's uncomfortable and says she wants to be alone so i open the door for her and let her out. She gets up grabs her stuff and walks back to her house saying "See you around" (still upset and crying a little). Is she upset at me? Is the feeling mutual? (An i know i messed up dont rub it in.)
**bold | openai_summarize |
gf is mad that I excluded her from party, how can I make her happy again? | Summarize the following paragraph: My GF and I have been together for over a year and we get along really well. Last night was a partyish thing at my house (hosted by my parents), and she came as did two of my male friends. I had just finished exams and hadn't really gone out at all for a while before then, so I was excited to see them and talk to them. we ended up driving around a bit and chatting for about 4 hours while the party was going on. These guys are some of the only guys I know who are into the same stuff as I am so I chatted to them quite a bit. I did talk to my Gf and hold her hand throughout the evening, but I did feel afterwards like she was a bit unhappy.
The next day she texted me a picture of a finished set of flashcards for every country in the world (196!) and I, being a moron, sent back "just... why". Not to be rude, I was just marveling at a stack of 196 flashcards. She replied with what I though to be a mock annoyed attitude. (keep in mind I was working at this point and not paying 100% attention to what I was saying). Then she basically stopped texting me or responding to my calls. At first I thought she was busy, but after about half a day she said that she was angry that I excluded her during the party and sent "just... why" to her about the flashcards. She seems really mad and I totally understand why, I didn't realize that she felt so excluded and sad and I feel like a total asshole about it. How can I make her happy again? Because right now I feel like a total douche. | openai_summarize |
Haven't spoken with my ex SO for 3 years. She's back in my mind and dreams. I don't know if she's single again. Should I message her or go on with my life? | Summarize the following paragraph: **Edit**: Bad title, I am 27M.
She was my first and only relationship, so I have no experience with break ups (and not much with relationships either). We broke up 3 years ago and in a bad way, after a short relationship, another guy appeared in her life and she left me. We haven't talked with each other ever since.
Surprisingly after a really hard first month, she got out of my mind pretty quickly and thought it was over but now after 3 years it's coming back. I keep dreaming her at night, and feel like I love her again.
I feel the need to talk to her again, maybe find out if she's single again. Should I do it? Should I send her a message and see what she's doing or should I go on with my life? | openai_summarize |
I want to go to EDCLV 2017. Boyfriend can't go, thinks I don't have enough money, and wants me to wait. I don't know if I can, but don't want to cause a rift. Thoughts? | Summarize the following paragraph: I really want to go to EDC Las Vegas 2017. It's bad enough I dream about it (I even hear EDM in the dreams), I plan and replan budgets, I watch countless videos (even the documentary)....it's safe to say I'm obsessed. It's one of those things that you didn't know existed, and then when you discover it you wonder where it has been your whole life. I've never even been to a festival/rave/EDM concert (although I've been interested), yet the words "under the electric sky" give me goosebumps.
My boyfriend (who I've known for many years but have been dating for six months) doesn't really think I should go. I could afford it if I saved, I just would have to cut back on nonessentials (such as marijuana and fast food). He thinks I should wait another year, so that he can go with me and money wouldn't be as tight, but the thought of waiting 22 months instead of 10 is awful.
I have no problem going alone/with a group without him for this first time. In fact in some ways it'd be cool because I like some music genres that he doesn't and I could experience those without being worried about him not having fun.
But I also don't want to make him upset by going this next year by myself or make him think I'm financially irresponsible in any way.
I'm not sure what to think. I have no idea how to handle this, because on one hand it would make my whole year to go, but I don't want it to stress my relationship.
What would you do? | openai_summarize |
My girlfriend says she loves her best friend so much. I am not used to it. | Summarize the following paragraph: Hi guys,
So this is my third post, I think, by now..
And I have a quick question. In my previous posts I said I am from the Netherlands. The way we use certain words like 'cute, i love you, so funny' aren't really similar to how Americans use it. That's at least what I noticed..
So my girlfriend has a really good guy friend back at her college. I met him a couple of times, and he is actually really nice, a funny kid and everything.. But the way she sometimes say how 'she loves him so much' just feels weird to me.
The exact text: 'And I got to see (name) so that was fun too!! He's too cute and funny love (name) so much!! He will forever be my friend'!!
I know she added he will forever be her friend but it just feels weird because I am not used to it.. I am used to all of it, but I guess the way she said it.
Any advice or anything?
Thanks! | openai_summarize |
What is the best way to film yourself and your girlfriend having sex and have it turn out not shitty? | Summarize the following paragraph: My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now. She explains to me that we have the most incredible sex she has ever had. She loves it so much that she wants to make a pornographic film starring us so that she can masturbate to it when I am out of town. She also wants to make a film so that I do not watch porn as much (meaning that she is ok with making multiple films and doing the crazy stuff). My question to you reddit is, what is the best way of filming yourself having sex?
I am 100% ok with making the video, but I want it to actually turn out watchable. During sex, we switch positions fairly often. Often times, we move from the bed to the floor or to the desk or to my love seat. Sometimes we incorporate handcuffs and other toys. She likes to be bent over my bedside and she loves to 69. She also loves to cowgirl, blow me, and sometimes sit on my face, so I would think it would not be a great idea to leave my computer's camera on a desk and get up every 10 minutes to adjust the camera angle. I feel like this plan also will not show enough detail if the camera is 10 feet away on my desk. Another idea was to hold the camera and make it more of a POV style, but she says that she wants to see both of our bodies during sex (which i agree with). I want to be able to see her entire body bent over my bed and not just a shaky shot of her ass. I was going to hold the camera for sure while she was blowing me at the end though. Possibly also when she would be reverse cowgirl-ing me. The final idea thrown around was to get a third party to actually film us. She is uncomfortable with the idea of having another individual there, but I am comfortable with the idea only as an absolute last resort. I have been given a gift from god reddit. My girlfriend is willing to do the crazy stuff AND film it. I do not want to mess this up. Any advice is greatly appreciated. If it turns out well, maybe I will show some of the commenters :) | openai_summarize |
My boyfriend's 19 year old sister thinks I don't like her, which is really surprising to me, but I like my SO a lot and am worried that it will affect our relationship. What can I do? | Summarize the following paragraph: My SO and I have been dating for several months, and I met his parents and siblings about a month ago, and he met my parents as well. Last weekend my SO and I got kinda drunk and talked honestly about our families' impressions of each other. He said that his parents thought I was nice/polite and that they want to spend more time with me, and that his youngest siblings (who are in elementary school) think I'm fun.
However, he said that his 19 year old sister thinks that I don't like her. Of course that's completely ridiculous, as I can't not like someone who I have barely talked to. Also, if she's anything like my boyfriend, I'll definitely like her. When I met her, we were at her parents' house and she seemed kinda busy with homework, so I said hi to her, had a short conversation about Christmas plans, then I left her alone.
I would think that of all the people in his family, his sister who's closest to me in age would be the easiest to get along with, rather than his parents or his much younger siblings. I asked my boyfriend why she thinks I don't like her, and he seemed as confused as I was. This is especially weird to me, as people who I've just met usually think I'm really nice. Since I really like my SO a lot and plan on being with him for a long time, it really matters to me that his family likes me.
Since we live like 2 hours from his parents, I don't see the family that often, so I don't have any immediate opportunity to be super nice to her. What can I do? | openai_summarize |
I snooped on my partner's email and saw that $1,500 was missing from his Amazon purchase. He has a problem with his Amazon purchase process. I don't want to make him aware of my snooping, but I'm not sure how to tell him without it coming across as malicious. | Summarize the following paragraph: My partner and I are going through a rough patch. I'm considering breaking up with him. I don't suspect him of cheating, but there are other kinds of conversations I've seen on his phone and stuff that have upset me for reasons beyond infidelity.
I was honestly snooping, looking for a reason not to be with him. Separate issue in and of itself. I haven't decided, but I don't want to do anything rash, that I can't undo.
While I was looking at his email, I noticed he received about 20 emails from Amazon saying that there was a problem with processing several of his purchases. He has his father's gift, his step father's gift, both for fathers day, his best friend's gift (birthday), and several text books that were ordered. He was complaining to me the other day that they weren't coming fast enough.
I know that if I hint to him "Oh you should check to see if there was a problem", he won't. He's not very reliable with that stuff. I feel bad knowing a solution to a problem and not telling him something.
If it was something small I'd probably put it on my card, but the purchase was upwards of $1,500, and that's frankly a little much.
**I obviously don't want him to know I was snooping because it's devious.** Any advice to somehow let him know without telling him? Also, I just know the email and password, I logged in on my computer, not any of his devices. If that matters. | openai_summarize |
A girl commits suicide and a person on facebook makes comments about how she deserved it and so on. Friends join in and agree and poke fun at subject. I ask if they are serious and get scoffed at and treated like I'm out of line. | Summarize the following paragraph: A little while ago on Facebook a girl posted up what I can only describe as celebrating someone whom she doesn't knows suicide. The girl who died was bullied at school and from what I got from the post she slept with a lot of the players of one of the teams and she was bullied on that among other things [looooool as she said].
Her friends were posting laughing about the girl, saying who cares and were going along with it that way. I asked are they seriously laughing at her death and they went off on ME! As if I was in the wrong here, why on earth would I care that someone killed themselves? I'm in shock right now that this was such a popular reaction. I accused them of not knowing the whole story and who knows what else could have been going on in that girls life. She could have been abused at home, molested, raped, anything really.
The friend said that she is sick of seeing people make posts, groups, and generally care about people who commit suicide from bullying but she doesn't see these things for other victims. Now, my friend here seems to have had at least a decent life growing up. I don't know her very personally though and can't say for sure. I do know that she is very popular now though.
It just saddens me that people can dismiss others so easily. I'm sure it's possible that the girl may have just needed someone to talk to or help her and things wouldn't have become so drastic that she would have taken her life. I was bullied pretty well when I was younger but luckily it died off in middle school for the most part. I still sympathize with those bullied or generally people who are put down for some reason or another. I understand what they are going through and it upsets me that people who don't understand it just toss these peoples issues to the side and even scoff at them.
I removed the friend from Facebook, I can't be friends with someone who can say terrible things about a situation like that and not even care the least bit. She says she cares and she felt bad but it wasn't showing in what she said. | openai_summarize |
Girl I met in college has a boyfriend, I want to date her but she has another boyfriend so I have no idea what to do. | Summarize the following paragraph: Long Post.
Hey relationship_advice I need your opinion on a situation that looks complicated too me.
Back Story:
I met this girl in college we were partners for a project in class, we got along great, she was cute but of course she had a boyfriend. We both live in the same area, so I said lets go out to dinner sometime whenever she is back in the area. She said sure, and we went our separate ways. I honestly never thought I would see her again and didn't even think about it.
Fast forward one year later, all of a sudden I get a text saying, "Hey, Thursday dinner? It's been to long." We ended up meeting for dinner and it went pretty well from my perspective. She mentioned her boyfriend briefly and how she is struggling with the fact the he lives 4 hours away. But most of the conversation we talked about our jobs and I joked about stuff and made her laugh, "Ha ha, you're so funny." We talked about going out on the town sometime and going hiking during the weekend, but her boyfriend was coming up to see her. As we were about to leave I said we should have dinner again, and she immediately setup another time next week.
Over the weekend, that her boyfriend was over, she sent me a text at 11PM with just the name of a bar. I wanted to go meet up but I was an hour away, hanging with my buddies and by the time I drove back to my apartment changed and went out it would have been 1AM, so I texted her back telling her this and haven't heard anything since then.
So am I reading into things? If she didn't have a boyfriend, I am pretty sure the signs are telling me she is interested in me, but the fact that she does kinda complicates things. Am I friend zoned or should I go for it. Right now I am thinking just F$#$ it and go for it, but maybe you can provide some insight in anything I might have missed. I have a feeling its not as complicated as I make it out to be in my head, and I am trying not to fall in the trap of over thinking things. | openai_summarize |
Girlfriend broke up with me, still shows signs of wanting to get back together, how do I proceed? | Summarize the following paragraph: Ok so her and I have been together for three years and the last few months she has seemed really distant. One day I finally call her on it and after a heavyhearted conversation, she broke it off between us. She said that she is just really afraid of life after college since this is her last semester and she really wants to focus on getting stuff together and broke up with me now so that she didn't have to make it harder later in life. That is a problem itself since I truly love her and wanted to marry her but the real odd thing is that she didn't remove us being together on facebook, she said she hates that we had to break up and she didn't want it to be that way, Cried the first time we saw eachother in a week at dinner but refuses to get back together.
I'm not sure if I need to give her time away from me with no communication or if I should be aggressive and call her out on not wanting to fight for us or show her romantic surprises like flowers on her car during work or if I should just let her go and move on. I have been fighting for us since she decided to break up and she says that it hurts her but I dont want to lose her. Is there any suggestions with what I should do and do you think she really does want to get back together? We left on good terms, no yelling and we still talk all day and most the night so is that a good sign as well? | openai_summarize |
I think i'm in love with my best friend. What do i do? | Summarize the following paragraph: As the title suggests, i think i might love my best friend and not my girlfriend.
My best friend, let's call her Liz, is absolutely breathtaking, and i've known her for about 9 years. I've always been able to confide in her and we've both turned to each other in tough times.
Not to discredit my girlfriend. Shes beautiful (maybe less so than Liz but still)
And a fantastic woman. Me and her have a fantastic, healthy relationship.
We've been together for just under a year.
But something seems to pull me to Liz, and i know if Liz asked (not that she would) i'd leave my girlfriend for her.
Me and Liz did make love on a couple occasions, a while before my girlfriend. So it's not just wanting what i can't have.
I fell for Liz like this (for a second time) during my current relationship.
Me and Liz's last breakup was mutual and me falling for now her was not due to a problem in my current relationship.
I'm so confused inside and i feel torn and mixed up. What do i do reddit.
After reading the rules i see i must post our ages for whatever reason.
Lets just say we're all between 17 and 23. My girlfriend is the same age as me and Liz is a year younger.
(apologies if anything didn't make sense, i've been awake for a long, long time.) | openai_summarize |
Husband of 5 years has a difficult time empathizing with others. I'm having problems with the lack of empathy and it's making my relationship hard. | Summarize the following paragraph: My husband is a great man, but he comes from a very tumultuous past. His family has been a difficult journey for him and I know he's been left emotionally scarred by his situations before our marriage.
Knowing this, I try to be understanding of some of his challenges; one of them being his temper and lack of empathy. But not always am I able to rationalize or be understanding in the heat of a moment.. so I'm looking for some advice.
I'm sure a therapist can come up with many reasons why my husband has a difficult time empathizing with people; but my question is less about why and more about how I can cope and work with this.
If I'm having an issue and he doesn't agree, or the issue is with him, or he doesn't prioritize it-- it's like trying to draw blood from a stone. My tears don't affect him (I don't do it on purpose- I just tend to be a crier), talking softly and calmly doesn't work, directly saying "I need comfort. I need support right now." won't always work either. In fact, sometimes, he if he thinks I'm upset over something he doesn't deem important, he'll actually become angry at me and be very short and rude.
I've tried to explain "Just because you don't think it's important, doesn't mean I feel the same." or "Even if you don't understand, can't you see I'm upset - can't you still comfort me?"
He becomes very callous towards me in moments like this -- sometimes moments where I really need the support and understanding. It's difficult for me because I often feel like I am not only left to fend for myself, but that his anger or callousness makes my situation worse.
Does anyone have any advice for this? Anyone who has a hard time relating to others who might offer some perspective? Or someone who lives with a difficult person?
He's never been diagnosed, but maybe someone who has a family member with acute autism might offer some advice on how to successfully cultivate a relationship?
Thank you :) | openai_summarize |
I do not want to be in contact with my ex girlfriend, her family might think i am not comfortable with talking to her, her sister is telling me that she is not comfortable with me cuddling on the couch with her. | Summarize the following paragraph: Lets call her Sally. Sally is a really shy religious girl, and we dated for a year, but she broke up with me back in early February. I really liked her, we have the same interests, like the same sports teams, in almost the same classes (not planned) but more importantly in the same sports. We even got second at our homecoming for best couple. As it is the spring now, I am running track, and so is Sally, we are both distance runners. Because of this, we practice together and usually sports are where i can let off some steam but this makes it a bit harder. I do want to be in contact with her, however possible, because right now we are avoiding each other and it is really difficult. I have two ideas of why we broke up. One being from what her sister texted me after we broke up. She told her family she wasn't comfortable when we cuddled on the couch together, but i am not sure thats true, because she gave me plenty of signs of enjoying the attention. Sally's family is super religious though. Second guess is that sometimes during the relationship, I would freeze up and not know what to say. I know her family really liked me, because they told me. I have a track meet coming soon and im not sure if i should maintain no contact, (currently at 6 days without texting her) or if i should talk to her. I still think about Sally every single day. | openai_summarize |
6 months into a healthy relationship, wondering if I'm bored. | Summarize the following paragraph: I've been with this guy. for about 6 months now. We dated for about a month before he asked to be exclusive. Things were going great initially, as most budding romances do, but lately I'm wondering if my feelings have been fleeting. He's been wonderful to me, and we get along great, but I don't seem to feel a spark.
I feel conflicted, this is probably the best relationship I've been in in terms of it being the healthiest (my last relationship was an abusive relationship ending in my arrest when I defended myself against him). All of my previous relationships were involved with guys that were addicted (drinking, smoking weed, etc) or cheating. My current boyfriend doesn't drink, smoke, and has never cheated.
Part of me is wondering if I'm bored because I don't have the 'excitement' of being in a terrible relationship. Lately I've been thinking about all of the things that I don't like about him, but I'm wondering if that may be symptomatic of the fact that I'm bored. I mean, am I just bored with this particular man or is it possible to have a healthy, honest relationship with a man that I feel passion for at the same time?
Honestly I don't know if I'm being selfish and I should break up with him so he can find someone that feels just as strongly about him as he does with me, or if I should take a look at the relationship with a new perspective. I don't know if love and passion grow over time but if I have become turned off 6 months in I'm wondering if I should end things. | openai_summarize |
I can't get over my ex, and I'm starting to see her every day. I still have no clue what I want in a relationship. Need help with getting rid of my thoughts. | Summarize the following paragraph: Hey Reddit,
So about a year and a half ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 2+ years. It was my first real relationship and the first time I ever felt truly in love with someone. The relationship was in no way perfect, in fact it was barely holding together which is why I decided to end it.
Small backstory on the relationship,
-For the entirety of our relationship her parents didn't know about me.
-She lived with her parents.
-She was afraid they'd deny her the right to see me if they knew about us.
-She basically provided for her parents (paid mortgage, etc)
-I put up with this because I was naive and stupid.
After we broke up I was super duper depressed. But I didn't try to get us back together because I still didn't think things could work the way they were.
My problem is that a year and a half later, I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I haven't talked to her in a year, but still know things about her from time to time because the internet is stupid and it's too god damn easy to find things out. I'm getting better about staying away though.
I still think about her almost every day. When I think about what I want in a relationship, all I picture is her. When I think about wanting to call or text someone to excitedly talk about some new thing I've found out or whatever I think of her. Her phone number is burned forever into my memory because I made myself memorize it when we were together in case of emergencies. (Fun fact, I was waaaaaay more into the relationship than she was apparently).
I've had two short term relationships since we've broken up. Each one has only lasted a couple months. While they help in easing my mind away from the Ex I can't help comparing those relationships to the big one and finding the small ones faulting.
So please, any help in getting rid of thoughts about her? Meditation? Lobotomy? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind machine?
Thanks. | openai_summarize |
My girlfriend [18-F] is hiding things from me [18-M] and I am afraid that she is hiding something from me.** | Summarize the following paragraph: Let me give you the back story... When we started dating 10 months ago she told me that I was her first for everything. First kiss, first lover, first to be sexual with... You get the point. Well, it turns out that none of that is true. Her first kiss was 3 years prior, to us getting together... This first kiss was with a guy that she was seeing and ended up seeing for 3 full years, but they never made it official. I was proud thinking that I was her first everything, and angry/upset when she told me that I was not. I was hurt for a while but I got over it in a few weeks.
However she still claimed that I was the first to have sex with her, which was especially important to me because she had been raped on valentines day 2011. We continued on with our relationship and everything was fine and went well. Then in late January she somehow remembered that she had drunk sex with someone named Dylan (who is a different from other person she was "seeing"). After I found this out I was really upset and somewhat heartbroken. I really wished that she had lost it to me, but I just thought to myself that it is okay because I'm the only one that she will have sex with from now on. Im still continuing to get over this and accept it.
But tonight, she told me that she was going to bed. So I called her and told her I loved her and said goodnight. 30 minutes later she texted me and said "hey can you get me Dylan's contact number?". (This being the same Dylan she had sex with). I asked her why and she said "nevermind I got it!" And I didn't hear from her after that. In tried calling her and after a couple rings it went to voicemail, meaning she was ignoring my calls.
So here I am now. Unable to sleep in fear that she is hiding something else from me or that something happened that I am unaware of. I just have this gut feeling that she is hiding things from me, and I am afraid that I am right... So what do reddit? | openai_summarize |
Dating girl who doesn't make me feel like she cares. Also no sex. What to do? | Summarize the following paragraph: I've been dating this girl for over a year now. We're both the same age, in our early 20s. This is her first relationship and it definitely shows. We started out as friends (she said I was her best friend at the time) but I forced myself to man up and told her how I felt. She put off responding to that for a few months but finally agreed to start dating last summer. When I'm with her I am unbelievably happy. We can spend hours talking about nothing in particular. But I've been sort of unhappy with the relationship for a while now for a number of reasons.
1. She's never once taken the effort to surprise me with anything that shows me she cares. I know I'm being selfish and shouldn't expect things like that but I feel like I'm always going out of my way to think of nice things to do for her.
2. I feel like we only talk or hang out because I want to. She has never initiated conversations or planned out dates or anything like that.
3. She's a virgin and wants to take things slow. I understand that and have done my best to be patient. She just isn't very good with intimacy. When we first started dating, even hugging was uncomfortable for her. But it's been a year now and things are finally starting to progress. But whenever things become too heated, she pushes me away and says she's not ready.
I've talked to her about all of these things bothering me and she's apologized, saying she knows she's hard to date and is trying to work on those things. But lately we've been talking about it a lot more often. I get frustrated with her almost weekly. I think I'm at the end of my patience. I love her but I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Reading my own post, I feel like the answer is might be kind of obvious but I really do want to try to make things work. | openai_summarize |
Can I maintain a relationship with an FWB when I am in love with her, but she won't commit to mutual exclusivity? | Summarize the following paragraph: I am a divorced man of 40, not bad looking and in the 3 years since I split from my ex-wife I have met dozens of women.
About 3 months ago, a barmaid in a local pub told me her friend liked me, we exchanged numbers and arranged to go on a date. I could not really remember what she looked like as I had drank quite a lot. I met her the following week and was absolutely blown away by how attractive she was. The date went well and she came back to mine, and we stayed up chatting until the early hours.
I really liked her and we continued to go on dates, or she would come around and we would drink wine, listening music, chat, and have sex.
We both had said that we don't do relationships; she had an ex-boyfriend she had to see as a business partner, but he would stay at hers' as he lives in a different city. I was dating several other woman at the same time and was open about it with my partner.
But as time went on I started to fall in love with her and let my emotions rule my mind. I was starting to get jealous about her ex and would sleep with other girls just to make myself feel better.
We had a fall out on Thursday, so I slept with another girl on Friday night, I sent my partner flowers on Saturday morning and spent all day drinking as I was love sick. She rang and thanked me for the flowers and came to the pub to meet me. We had a couple of drinks and went home for some wine. I acted like a pain in the arse and she left, so I went into town and pulled another girl and slept with her Saturday night.
My partner has only ever dated multi-millionaires and famous people - I am neither of these things, and no in my heart of hearts it will never work. I can't hand being a friend with benefits when I am in love with her. Is the right thing to do; to cease all contact with her, or can I fall out of love with her and maintain a FWB relationship? | openai_summarize |
don't want to destroy a 2 year relationship, but no longer feeling fulfilled in said relationship. | Summarize the following paragraph: Some background:
A couple of weeks ago we had a discussion in her car in which she told me she felt she didn't love me as much as she used to. We both agreed we didn't want to break up, and decided to continue to try and work things out.
She is really great, I love her and her family, and can't imagine not having her to talk to. We've helped each other work through anxiety and depression and we're very good at communicating and talking about our problems. I expect to be able to talk to her about this directly tonight, but there are some parts I don't know if I can admit.
Our main issue has always been sex. We took each others virginity, and at first sex was frequent and fantastic. Her libido has drastically declined since then, to where we have sex maybe once every other week, and only if I initiate. When she isn't in the mood, she seems very annoyed with me for attempting to initiate. This plus my anxiety is not a good combination.
Now comes the part that I don't know if I'll be able to tell her. I haven't been feeling as fulfilled in the relationship lately either. This is hard to admit because she seems so much happier in the relationship since she brought it up a couple weeks ago. I've also begun fantasizing about being with other people, and giving other girls more attention than I should at parties, which is I'm sure is emotional infidelity simply because it feels like it. I worry that if we are not on rock solid ground before we to to separate universities, the relationship will most certainly fail.
I'm not sure is all this was caused simply by my worsening depression or by real faults in the relationship. It's probably both, but any advice on how to proceed is welcome. Be brutally honest if you must. | openai_summarize |
My dog doesn't like playing but otherwise gets along with other dogs just fine. Friends are making me feel like there is something wrong with him. | Summarize the following paragraph: Oliver is a 2 and a half year old Miniature Shetland Sheepdog. I work at a doggy daycare 6 days out of the week and he gets to come with me for free. Which is freaken sweet! He get's very excited when we pull into the parking lot and sees the other dogs barking. When we're in the room he runs after dogs, barks at dogs, attempts to 'herd' the dogs, plays mega fetch with the dogs but will not actually play with them.
He's very shy meeting new people, doesn't really like the OMG YOU ARE SO ADORABLE approach but I feel rude telling people if you ignore him he might approach you. Anyway my friend came over with her 10 month old mini pit who was beggggggging Oliver to play with him and I tried to initiate with some fetch thinking thatll warm him up. Nope, took his toy and hid right under the desk. When the puppy came over to sniff at him he growled. I took him out from under the desk gave his toy to the pit and had him lay down next to him but now my friend/ boyfriend are telling me to look up methods to socialize him. Honestly I think he acts perfectly fine with other dogs, other then not playing with them. Is this just his personality like I suspect or am I keeping him from something that he could learn to really love by not going about it the right way? | openai_summarize |
Not happy in my relationship, want it to end, but can't stand the thought of hurting her in any way. Help? | Summarize the following paragraph: Me (20 almost 21) and my girlfriend(21) have been together for one year and three months. I'd be lying right now if I said I didn't love her, and I know she loves me too. The problem is, the longer we are together the more I feel like we aren't a great fit for each other.
A few reasons why:
- I'm super laid back and easy to please, she is fairly high maintenance and stresses out a lot, this puts me in a bad mood
- We haven't had sex, this is not my choice at all. She has had sex before and I (kinda) have, but she doesn't want to and isn't very clear to me on why.
Truth be told, part of the problem is that I am in college, I have an internship this summer where I'll be making really good money for a student (~$35/hour) and I turn 21 at the start of summer. I really want to go out and have a lot of fun before I can't anymore. And its really bad, but lack of sexual interaction (she doesn't like to get physical except maybe once a month) has made me start being physically attracted to other girls.
Like I said earlier though I really love this girl and the last thing in the world I want is to hurt her. I keep hoping that maybe she will randomly break up with me because she depends on me so much that I would never be able to bring myself to leave her. So this is where I want your help, what should I do? | openai_summarize |
Can't decide if I should breakup or stay in a relationship. We both have conflicting views on our future and what we want to do. Basically, different stages in our life. We love each other, but our future seems like we're heading in different directions. | Summarize the following paragraph: I'm reaching the age I want to settle down, get married, and start a family. The guy I've been dating is 2 years younger than me. We've been together for a year.
We're both in college still pursuing to get our BS. We started late. His dream grad school is in another state and I want to stay where I'm at so it would be a long distance relationship. We both have talked about it and neither of us believe in long distance relationships working out. We love each other tremendously.
However, I don't know if this relationship can continue to grow. He wants kids at a much later age than I do. He's going to pursue his Ph.D. and that'll take a long time. We won't be financially ready to start a family since he'll just be getting out and receiving his Ph.D. The long distance thing is another big issue.
A lot of things we've talked about don't match up for us in the future. I feel like we're holding onto this relationship because of the love we have for one another. Yes, I wish that could be all we need but realistically speaking, the things we want in life don't match up. I don't know if we should continue to try and be together or if it's time to move on. For me, I want to settle down. For him, he wants to explore - not ready to settle down yet. | openai_summarize |
Girlfriend lives with aunt in AZ. Her mom (lives in Cali) and Grandmother (AZ) got into argument, mom got offended and said that she is making her daughter come back to California with her, instead of letting her finish her senior year. | Summarize the following paragraph: I wasn't sure where to put this, so I guess here makes sense. Anyway, I've been happy with my girlfriend for the last 3 months, and at the conclusion of our first semester, she went back to Cali to see her parents (She lives with her aunt (Cranston)). So she has been planning to come back this Friday the 2nd and get ready to start the last part of our senior year. But, unfortunately at some point over this break, plans have changed. My girlfriend's (Sarah) mom's (Theresa) grandmother (Lisa) apparently called out Theresa, and offended her. During this argument, apparently things escalated because apparently Lisa called out Theresa's ability to raise a child, and Theresa now doesn't want to let Sarah come back to AZ to finish her last semester of High School. I'm not quite sure what to make of all of this, or if there is anything I can do. Sarah and her family are coming back to AZ this Friday to get her stuff and then go back and this is the last planned time I will get to see her. Now, I guess my question is when they are all at the same house, is there any last second pleas I could make to convince her parents to let her stay until May when she graduates? This is probably very confusing as I am not thinking very straight so if any clarification is needed, just say it. | openai_summarize |
It's not the nuclear power that's the problem, its our governments. | Summarize the following paragraph: I created this post, and have read through a lot of the comments saying that nuclear power is bad, and most of the reasons why are simply ignorance.
Let me stress this here, THE PROBLEM IS NOT WITH NUCLEAR POWER, its with the old reactors we are using.
For instance, Thorium reactors can't meltdown, can't produce nuclear weapons, they produce power much more cheaply and efficiently than conventional uranium power plants. Thorium is so common that it is an annoyance when digging for more valuable metals. The only reason the world went with uranium instead of thorium is because we all wanted to get nuclear weapons from this too. We knew about this shit in the 1950's for fuck's sake.
SO DON'T BLAME NUCLEAR POWER, blame your fucktarded governments.
Also, Bill Gates recently did a TED talk where he described a process that he had simulated which would allow us to react uranium 235, and other waste elements from uranium power plants. Essentially, a way to turn all the radioactive waste that we thought was going to fuck our planet into energy. RIGHT NOW, we have enough nuclear waste to power the Earth for 1000 YEARS.
So don't get me wrong, I think that the nuclear power plants we have now do have lots of problem, but don't think that that's the case with ALL nuclear power. It is the safest, and most powerful energy source we've created. Coal plants actually put more radioactive elements into the atmosphere. We could fly a fucking plane into a power plant, and it would be fine.
And, also, you know, it kinda helps if we don't build these power plants in places where your more or less guaranteed a massive disaster at some point. Just don't be fucking stupid. | openai_summarize |
Girlfriend became very distant a year ago, it all changed over a weekend and i have no clue what happened to us.. | Summarize the following paragraph: So, I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years, and we have been living together for the past 2 years. We used to be very close, talked all the time, went out every chance we had, hugged a lot etc.
She works weekends and travels from her parents. some weeks i got back with her, but most ill stay home to finish off assignment work. when she returned it was different. she wouldn't talk to properly, No interest in going out or hugging up to watch a film. and the sex went from at least 2-3 times a week, to once every 2-3 weeks at most.
It went from being really close to feeling like i was trying to talk to someone on a bus in less than 3 days.
That was over a year ago now. Its currently at a point where any attempt to talk or hug gets met with a half arsed attempt to look up from her phone, a monotone "yeah" or "hmm" and thats it. If i do get to hug her, she will put an arm round, a quick pat on the back then push me away.
Its hard to explain but everything changed in that weekend. The way she talks, changed. She has no manners and rarely says thanks or please. she doesnt even kiss me the same. Its almost forced...
She currently treats me like I'm her flat mate who tries to give her too many hugs.
I've tried to talk to her about it, but when i do it is met with a cycled list of responses such as "I'm just a bit stressed at the moment" or "I'm not sleeping well" or even sometimes "i dunno..".
Its all been going on for over a year and I have no clue what happened. | openai_summarize |
How do I not say I'm his girlfriend to my Islamic mom at a friendly restaurant in his honor? | Summarize the following paragraph: My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and would like to publicize our engagement in 6 months. His family feels dating is a sin hence I have never met them. We rather not shock his parents so we felt me being introduced as a friend six months before hand is a good idea.
She will meet me and another friend of his as she drops some food off nexr week at my boyfriend's apartment. I don't think the exchange will last for more than five minutes but as expected I am very nervous. I do not want it to become evident during the exchange that I am his girlfriend nor do I want her to see me as someone not swell enough to be his son's friend.
How should I do this? I want to make it perfect. Any tips?
Pardon the throwaway; my boyfriend loves Reddit and I rather him not know of my nerves. | openai_summarize |
My boyfriend of more than a year broke up with me yesterday and I'm worried that something could happen. What should I do? | Summarize the following paragraph: Hi /r/breakups,
My boyfriend of more than a year broke up with me yesterday, and I was doing fine. But I found out through the grapevine that he's going over to this girl's house tonight, a girl that he's always kinda liked.
Although she's never had any romantic interest in my (ex)-boyfriend, she recently got out of a relationship too and has been feeling lonely.
I feel like something's going to happen, and I don't think I'm ready yet to deal with this information -- the break up just happened last night.
What should I do to calm myself down? What do I need to tell myself? Worst thing is, I have a huge test tomorrow, and I really can't afford to worry about them and what they're doing.
Thanks. | openai_summarize |
My fiancé is jealous of a friend and thinks I'm in a controlling relationship. Am I just not understanding him? | Summarize the following paragraph: My fiancés latest freak out was a little while ago after I friended someone on Facebook. We've been together since we were young teens and have a child on the way.
I have having a discussion about this exact topic on a friends status which said verbatim;
"Ultimately, you cannot be in a relationship, at least not with any self respecting woman and bar her from being friends with other men. You either trust them or you're not relationship material."
and it progressed, and a friend of his chimed in saying he was in a controlling online relationship where the girl did not allow him to hang out with anyone in real life and he was not allowed to play video games with females. I found this interesting as my fiancé and I met online (we live together now) so I added the kid. my fiancé however is a controlling and freaked out. I've already deleted countless people from social media and he goes through my friends list / messages often to reassure himself. I actually had my Facebook deactivated for a while to avoid situations like this but recently reactivated it.
Im a loyal, faithful female. I never talk to men. However, when I added this kid, he sent me a message saying "Thanks for the add, nice to meet you."
Literally 30 seconds later my phone is blowing up. "WHO IS SO AND SO."
I try and explain and reason why it's okay and this is exactly what we were all talking about on a status and he freaked out even more and said that "I'm in the wrong."
I feel like shit and I haven't done anything!
Jesus fucking christ. Does he legitimately have a reason to be upset and am I just not getting it? | openai_summarize |
I am in a relationship, I like this girl and she likes me, it's late, I have tons to drink and I am drunk, she walks me home, I say hi to her and she gets a bit drunk and I'm not sure if she likes me but I don't want to push her or creep on her. | Summarize the following paragraph: So I am 19 and this is really hard/awkward for me to talk about because truth be told I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl if the whole truth is to come out. 12-14 days ago I met this girl at a friends party I really liked her and thought she was super cool so I tried making conversation best I could but couldn't really get to talk to her alone as it was quite a small party. Anyway, I added her on Facebook and since then I have tried making smalltalk which is something I find extremely hard.
Anywaaay fastforwarding to the end of the night I had had quite a lot to drink and last I remember is her walking me to my place as I was yeah.. drunk... *regrets* as I probably could have asked her out or something similar if I wasn't dulled by the alcohol
I have some questions to ask, and I would appreciate help as I don't know what to do as I don't think i've felt like this for someone before
1. Since this is a friends friend (only friends) should I ask my friend for permission to ask her out?
2. How do I know if she's interested? I have only had conversations with her over social media recently.
3. Should I back off because of the age difference? I am not a very big guy and I kind of look like 16 or so.. lol
4. So obviously I don't want to creep her out, but what's the best way to ask her out/ for her number? Since I don't know if she is even into me I don't want to push her or go even if she doesn't want to, how do I express this?
5. So say everything goes to plan and she wants to go to the movies or something, what's fine? Handholding? Jokes? I have problems really "coming out" and being me to other people than my friends, how do I overcome this?
I had tons of questions a few hours ago at work but now I just can't think of any... If you have some tips/suggestions please help cause I don't know how to continue with this | openai_summarize |
kissed a friend at a party and he likes me but i'm super nervous about it and i don't know what to do.
EDIT: And he also messaged me asking me if i was alright but i'm not sure if he wants me back or something else. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. | Summarize the following paragraph: We've been friends for over a year, we get along really well and I've always been a little bit attracted to him. Same sense of humor, same interests, same college course but we're both quite shy and I'm very awkward. Anyway we both got very drunk at a party three days ago and he kissed me and told me he likes me... As this was a drunk thing i'm really not sure what to make of it, or if that's even how he really feels. He texted me yesterday asking if i had recovered but i'm still full of anxiety about seeing him in class tomorrow. How do I deal with this situation? especially considering the fact that we're two people who are probably likely to avoid talking about what happened in great detail. | openai_summarize |
I think I overheard domestic violence in the flat upstairs, don't know what to do about it. | Summarize the following paragraph: So I moved into a flat about 2 months ago, my first time not living at home or in student accommodation. It's a Victorian house divided into flats, me and my flatmate in the middle, a family upstairs. We barely see the neighbours - they keep themselves to themselves and don't really seem to speak English - but occasionally we hear shouting and screaming coming from upstairs. One time my flatmate bumped into the man upstairs in the hallway after one of these shouting sessions, he seemed uneasy and made some shaky story to explain. Then earlier things got even worse.
I heard shouting, it got even more intense and was soon accompanied by loud banging on the outside windows. This wasn't a petulant toddler, this sounded like an adult woman screaming. It wasn't in English, but seemed pretty scared. The only explanation I can think of is that the guy was being abusive. And I just don't know what to do.
I feel that if I leave it, I'm turning a blind eye to a potential awful situation, which could end in something ugly. Due to the language barrier I can't really make innocent inquiries, and I just feel that phoning the authorities will be a big waste of time - it'll get NFA'd and nothing will come of it. Also, we all share a landlord, and the people upstairs are quite close to them, if we stirred up bad blood they are more likely to side with them than us. What to do, Reddit? | openai_summarize |
What should I say to my parents that dislike my SO, even though they know is a great boyfriend to me? (ex: how to describe boundaries, respect of my wishes, and so on) | Summarize the following paragraph: I need advice on how to handle this, but let me start off by saying that many of the fine details as to why they claim to dislike him will only cloud the issue. I believe that the dislike stems from boundaries that don't exist, their over-involved nature, their belief that they know what will make me happy more than I do, and communication problems. I have done everything I can to get them to like him and need help. I know many people probably have gone through the same thing and would really like some general advice on how to approach the solution! Like many other people, my SO is perfect for me, makes me happy, but this is not enough for my parents. I have posted small issues I've had here before, but I would really like input on how to create those boundaries, what to say, how to say it, how to get them to understand and so on. Parents shouldn't be involved in your love life, but their approval, their kindness to them, their feelings mean a lot to me. I've talked to them and they feel it is their right to feel about him how they do, and I reply that it is also my right to feel upset about it and want everyone to get along. Any arguments or talks make the dislike increase and any time I ignore it, I feel like I am saying it's okay. What ways do people like me go about handling this? How have others solved dislike between their family and SO? | openai_summarize |
I [30/F] found out my boyfriend [25M] of two years has been having a parallel relationship. I don't want to date him again. | Summarize the following paragraph: [Full story] (
[Update 1] (
So I finally managed to sit face to face with him and get my keys and money back. He still denied the whole relationship with the other chick and went insane when I kept asking for the truth. He got super aggressive and I was both embarrassed but glad that we were in a public place.
I've come to terms with what has happened in the past two weeks. I understand that he's projecting the guilt on me by yelling and running away. I also understand that I do not want to be with someone that is not willing to sit down and be mature about relationship issues, let alone someone that cannot stop lying.
I wanted to send her an email telling her my side of the story. Not as revenge or anything like that but to let her know the truth. We were still living together until two weeks ago and they've been dating for over two months.
Am I crazy for wanting to be honest?
I feel this will help get full closure. If he was not able to be honest with me I want to at least be honest with her.
I know he'll probably say I'm crazy and a lying bitch (his words to me). But at least I will have my conscience clean. | openai_summarize |
Reddit would you be man/woman enough to let your girl/guy sleep around as long as at the end of the day they always came back to their one true love, you? Same deal applying to you sleeping around of course. | Summarize the following paragraph: In the short time I've been on Reddit I've noticed the overwhelming majority of posters are absolutely vicious towards cheating girlfriends, the run of the mill reply seems to "Dump the Bitch" often in those exact words.
My viewpoint is somewhat different. If, hypothetically, I found a girl I simply couldn't live without, who made my life genuinely better simply by being there, I simply wouldn't care if she went out with another guy. Of course I would expect the same courtesy in return, open relationships are a two way street after all.
To sum it all up, I see all these Reddit posts with guys broken into little pieces because their fiancee/girlfriends have been cheating on them. All I can think is, wouldn't life be so much simpler if you simply just went in with the attitude that you're the one she loves. The both of you can sleep with whomever you like but at the end of the day, she loves you, you love her & that is all the exclusivity you need. | openai_summarize |
Girlfriend of 1 year told me she slept with several guys. Not sure how to handle it. | Summarize the following paragraph: I know it is a can of worms that should remain unopened. But about a month ago, we discussed our sexual history.
We have been together for a year now, and "talking" for about two years. She is the first person I have ever been with. And I am her eighteenth.
I appreciate her honesty and I did not slut-shame her. She said she really hated that she did what she did and felt overall really shitty about it when she was telling me. She suffers from BPD, and went through a pretty manic state a couple years ago, where she had the majority of her eighteen partners.
I couldn't say she was my first after she told me i was her eighteenth, so i said she was my 3rd.
We are working hard to be in a mature, loving relationship. But since she told me, I have been thinking about it almost every night, beating myself up over it. I don't know why exactly. I love her and she loves me. And I still want to be with her.
Then, last week, the convo came up again. I of course told her she was my most recent (3rd of 3). And she said I am not (15th of 18). We started having sex about four months before we got together. And for reasons unknown, we agreed to just be fuck buddies. So it's not like she didn't have the right, but still. It is eating me alive that someone who loves me as much as she does now could have slept with three more dudes since our first time, while I remained devoted since.
I am just seeking advice because these thoughts are really bothering me. I tried talking to her about it last night, but she just got really shamed and called herself a slut, hoe, whore, dumb bitch with daddy problems.
Clearly, she's been slut-shamed more than enough as its now internalized. So that's not what I wanted to do. I ended up just comforting her for feeling so shitty. | openai_summarize |
Parents are visiting me for 2 weeks. What is the best way to deal with having to share such a small space without killing each other? And what about getting jet lagged guests that have nowhere else to go? | Summarize the following paragraph: I moved to the other side of the world to my parents a year ago and they are visiting next week. I love them a lot but they can be a little hard work sometimes and I only have a 1 bed apartment. Advice would be useful so I don't go crazy.
My sofa only sleeps one so it looks like I'll be sleeping in the living room for the two weeks. I'll still need to go to work most days. The kitchen bedroom and bathroom are all off the living room, and the front door opens into the living room. My stuff is of course in the bedroom, so I'll need to dress in there.
Now, my dad has insomnia and will get up randomly in the night. But there isn't anywhere for him to go, apart from my bedroom the apartment is open plan. Even if he got up and went out (nowhere to go nearby) he would still wake me up. Also my parents will have jet lag too. Anyone going to the bathroom or getting a glass of water will disturb me. In the past, my visitors would have the sofa since they would be visiting solo.
So I guess my questions are: what is the best way to deal with having to share such a small space without killing each other? And what about dealing with jet lagged guests that have nowhere else to go? | openai_summarize |
I work long hours and got home around 10:30 pm. Told my fiancé I was too tired to have sex. She got angry and started crying ignoring my attempts to calm her. I'm sleeping in the bathroom. Again. | Summarize the following paragraph: I work as a pipeliner in New Mexico. I wake up at 4:30 work until 5-7 every day today was my 7th consecutive work day and after work I had to immediately drive to Pecos texas (2 hours) away and back.
When I got home I told my fiancé how tired I was and took a shower. When I got out we got into bed and she tried to 'pursuade' me into having sex. I told her I was too tired tonight and I couldnt.
Immediately she grew hostile and then started crying. I tried to calm her down to no availe and opted out by going into the restroom to sleep. I am literally to tired to deal with this. It's 11:30 and I have a little more than 4 hours to sleep. This isn't the first time this has happened.
Sorry for the bad format. I don't post much to reddit and I'm on mobile. I just need advice. | openai_summarize |
I've been courting my girlfriend's parents, and they are controlling my lifestyle and have asked me to do things for them, even though their interests are similar to my own. Is that a good idea to do? | Summarize the following paragraph: Alright so I've been dating this girl for two weeks, although I've been courting her for at least a month and a half. I know she's younger than me. (consent age in Florida, yadayada, we're in highschool don't freak out) She's really cool and we have a lot of interests in common, and her parents really like me.
So anyway, today my dad and I had a short conversation about her parents. Come to find out he was worried about her parents liking me, because he'd had a similar situation with my older brother and his first wife.
My brother's girlfriend's parents always wanted to drive the two of them around and be with them, just like my girlfriend's parents do.
For example, my girlfriend had a band competition she needed to go to. I drove to her house and her parents took me to it. They're always inviting me to do things with them through her just like my brother's in laws did. As a guy with no income at the moment (football season, can't get a job) this seemed great to me to save gas and because her parents are legitimately nice people.
The problem with my brother came when they got married, and her parents still wanted to drive them around and tried to control their lives and tell him what to do.
This really scared me. I am just exactly the kind of subservient "nice guy" that a controlling parent would want for their daughter. I don't want to be stuck in that sort of trap somewhere down the line even if it is a lesser trap just in our current relationship, but I also don't want to alienate her parents if it turns out they are just legitimately nice people. I have not spoken on these feelings with anyone yet.
How can I find out if her parents want to manipulate me? I've only been out with her once alone, in all the month and a half I've been courting her. Would declining their invitations and instead going out with her alone help to show my independence from them? | openai_summarize |
Parents threaten to stop supporting me if I don't follow their rules. How do I protect myself without hurting their feelings? | Summarize the following paragraph: I don't know what to do here. They are helicopter parents so their definition of disrespectful is really tight. I have a full time job and am working until this August. I recently bought my own car without the support of others as well.
I'm sure you are thinking something like "that's not so long, just follow their rules and bear with it until you leave" but sometimes the smallest thing I do turns into threatening to not support me financially. For example, if I get slightly agitated when I have to repeat the same information to them numerous times, it is disrespectful. Whereas in the reverse situation, their agitation is justified. When I bring that up, they state that since they are the parents, respect only has to go one way and that they do not have to respect me.
I'm really frustrated with walking their tightrope and worrying about how I will pay for college without their support. Please give me any ounce of advice you have.
Edit :my main concern here is how to keep them from seeing normal actions and emotions (sadness, mild irritation) as disrespect. They get upset when I show any negative emotions that have to do with them. | openai_summarize |
FSiL got engaged, and I can't help feeling resentful that she'll be getting married before me. Any advice? | Summarize the following paragraph: My fiancé and I got engaged back in January. We already planned on a long engagement, as I'm studying my Masters and we wanted to save up so we could afford a nice wedding. Unfortunately, though, it's been months now and he's very reluctant to plan anything so far, even though the venue we briefly discussed requires us to book 18 months in advance and we haven't even set a date.
The day after we announced our engagement, his family and I were out shopping. My future sister-in-law (FSiL) made a beeline for the jewellery shop, and within half an hour had a ring picked out that her boyfriend made a note of. Engagements are contagious, you guys.
So I've been expecting it for months now, and yesterday he popped the question. When she sent a message to my fiancé and I announcing it, she made a joke that we've got some competition, as they'll be getting married before us even though we were engaged first.
She was just kidding around, but it left a pocket of resentment in me that I can't shake. I've become envious of her engagement.
Before anyone starts telling me off, I already know that I'm not being nice. I'm not vocalising my feelings to anyone, and I have congratulated them and shown them nothing but goodwill. She's always been really nice to me (except for one argument over me keeping my maiden name), and before my fiancé and I were engaged she was calling me her sister.
I tried putting aside my resentment and I decided that if she started talking weddings, I'd share in the discussion instead of stewing over it. For instance, swapping ideas for colours and flowers, rather than being rude and ignoring her/changing the subject.
But I can't put a stopper on my feelings. Is this insecurity? Or something else? Is it because my fiancé doesn't seem to be interested in the wedding? Or am I just being a bitch?
Anyone got any ideas how to make this pass smoothly? | openai_summarize |
Mum broke her arm, started being a complete bitch to me because of how the hospital is messing her about, almost punched her when she got in my face and started shouting and pointing. Want to leave home for a few days, no where to go, sleep etc. | Summarize the following paragraph: So here are the basics, I'm 16, living with my mum and younger sister, my dad is dead and I only have 1 relative in my town who is my mums mum.
So, on holiday about a month ago now, my mum broke her arm. She complained on the plane about not having a medical seat, I just ignored her because it was beginning to piss me off. A few days ago, she decided to be a bitch. She shouted upstairs to me and asked if I'd go round the shop to get her 1 bag of crisps... I said no, she has a broken arm, not broken legs. She then said "You can do everything for yourself then", which I have been doing pretty much. She's been in a constant bad mood because the hospital are fucking her about with the fracture clinic, which in turn has affected me because she's constantly targeting me and letting her frustration out on me by shouting etc. Today, I got home from college and started watching TV, I'd been watching it for about 2 hours then she comes in and tells me to go upstairs and watch TV because *she* wanted to watch a programme she recorded. I never watch the TV downstairs because of either her or my sister watching it. So, she told me she was watching her programme, so I started calling her out telling her that she'd throw a fit if I came and did that, so I said I was turning the internet off, which I did when I got upstairs. Now she's threatened to take literally all the technology out my room because she's in a bad mood. I was literally on the verge of punching her.
So here's the thing I need advice for: I got a free bus pass today, meaning I can travel anywhere in my local region for free, I'm tempted to just get on my push-bike and go anywhere and everywhere, ignore her calls or texts and all that, or I can go to the town my college is located in and just wander about for hours on end. I really don't want to come back home till I want to, but I have nowhere I can go, sleep or anything. | openai_summarize |
I want to make a good impression during my time in South Africa, what things should I do or avoid to prevent being hated as an ignorant foreigner? | Summarize the following paragraph: I'll be studying abroad in Port Elizabeth, South Africa from July to November. I'm very excited for it, but I'm also really nervous. I'm most nervous about unknowingly doing something or acting in a way that makes people dislike me or think I am rude/annoying/stupid etc.
So my question for reddit is this: what are some actions, styles, behaviors that would cause South African people to view me negatively? Especially things that a visitor might not realize. I know this a broad question...here are two examples. In some European countries people wearing white shoes, or Nike or athletic apparel are considered low class/poor. In Japan you should hand and receive a business card with both hands, not just one. I love wearing white shoes and sometimes wear Nike so I wouldn't think to view it as low class. I usually take a business card with one hand cause it's easier. If I went to these places, such behaviors would have negative outcomes.
So yeah, I want to be a respectful traveler/visitor, but every culture has different assumptions and interpretations of good behavior. If there is anybody from South Africa that could share some of those assumptions with me I'd be very grateful! | openai_summarize |
How do I politely ask for advice on what to do if I don't like the engagement ring that my bf sent me? | Summarize the following paragraph: I (31f) have very specific taste and a ring that I have loved for years that is cheap and not diamond. My friend sent my bf (33m)of 4 years pictures of it over a year ago to be sure he knew exactly what I wanted when he was ready.
I think he's about ready now and I'm a little worried. He keeps acting surprised and a little hurt if I mention I don't like diamond jewelry. He has great taste in jewelry for guys and casual stuff but I don't care for the engagement rings he's pointed out and have said so. | openai_summarize |
I am in love with a boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. | Summarize the following paragraph: I started casually dating my lover for the last few months. We used to have a serious relationship but broke up. I didn't want to be with him again, because I didn't feel like I am ready to be in a relationship. I also didn't want to become serious with him again, because of the past. I didn't want to start something only to have it end.
Another reason that I didn't want to get serious with him is because we have some major differences. I am a religious girl of a certain faith, and he is from an entirely different faith. Sometimes he does things that are considered sins in my religion. This is a problem for me. I don't want to love someone if he does things that I don't agree with or can not do with him. I feel like I may end up engaging in the same behaviors just because I am with him.
I don't know what to do about this. I know you can not force someone to change, especially when it comes to something like religion. But my religion is very important to me, and I can't compromise on it.
That is why I am so unsure about pursuing a deeper relationship with him. In my mind once you become serious with someone, then there is no going back. That is why I want to be very careful about the person I am dating.
And on one hand, he is very caring, considerate of me. He also tries to make me smile, and make me feel good. I do the same for him. I like him as a person, I think he would be a good partner.
However, his lifestyle is an issue for me. I don't like some of the thing that he does. He drink a lot of alcohol. Also, he went to a festival where everything they ate there is not allowed in my religion. I have brought this up to him, and he said he will try to be better. But I am not sure what he will do.
My question is what should I do? Should I follow my heart, and be with someone I am falling in love with? Or should I slow the relationship down and become less serious about him? | openai_summarize |
Me (21F) SO (22M) looking for advice on how to stop feeling like I'm not loved and I might have depersonalization disorder (depression, anxiety, etc). | Summarize the following paragraph: We've had a lot of issues lately with him not putting our relationship before things like video games and me needing some more attention because I've been going through some personal issues and felt alone and not supported. We're currently working on these issues and making our communication better.
So I believe I might have depersonalization disorder (have not been diagnosed by a professional but currently working towards that) most of the symptoms fit. I've know there was something 'wrong' with me for a long time, it's always bothered me, so much so that I had a large breakdown with my boyfriend because no way the way I am is normal. I have a really hard time with emotions and I feel like they are considerably duller than they should be except things like anger, depression, and anxiety. It's very hard for me to feel loved and is a constant issue in our relationship. Recently my boyfriend has been as supportive as one can be when they don't understand what's going on.
With all of this shit going on I feel like my eyes have been staying a bit... I always wonder what it would be like if I made a move with the guy that really liked me right before boyfriend and I got together, or the buff guy in line behind me... It just keeps going. Guys that I see or briefly talk to... Old friends from a class I took but probably won't see again... I keep wanting to flirt with people or experiment with my bisexuality... I want it to stop. I'm starting to feel like my boyfriend is just my best friend again but with sex added. I don't want to feel that way. I want to stay with him, I love him I really do.
How can I stop this? *Can* I stop this? Should I tell him? I refuse to break up before I see no hope. I will not cheat, I wouldn't even put myself in a situation where it's possible. | openai_summarize |
I feel a lack of motivation for hobbies and tiredness that's been going on a while, but I don't feel sad per say. Could it still be depression? | Summarize the following paragraph: It all started over a year ago when I gave dorm life a try. It was the lowest point of college for me so far (old and dilapidated building, roommate problems, rude and loud people there, couldn't sleep at night). I slept a lot, even when I wasn't tired, and my motivation to do schoolwork just wasn't there. I lost interest in reading, something I loved to do.
Eventually, I ran away and went back home, but it didn't get better. I don't feel sad, exactly. I just have very little motivation to do any of my hobbies. Reading has become a chore, and that scares me. I also haven't been able to write, either. I'm still sleeping a lot, with one or two hour-long naps during the day. I don't have many friends (guys think I'm just one of the guys, girls think I'm a weirdo), but it's become strenuous to keep up with the ones I do have. I still do a few things I enjoy, but all of my creative hobbies have fallen through.
My attitude toward depression isn't very good, as I grew up being taught that having depression is wrong. I've got this "fight back, I don't need a therapist, I'm just being stupid and weak" attitude about my feelings. I've been diagnosed with depression before (8 years old and later at 14; I'm 20 now). | openai_summarize |
Screwed up academically and financially, moved home with $16k student debt, trying to fund returning to school. | Summarize the following paragraph: Hello reddit community. I'm a long-time reader, but first-time poster. I have some ideas on how to proceed, but a second opinion/ tough love/ proof-read would be appreciated.
The sitch:
- Moved across the country (northern BC to Ottawa, ON) for a B. Software Eng. program. Made it two years in and dropped out due to drug problem (weed) and home sickness.
- Mom paid to bring me home and I am living with her in Vancouver suburb. Moving in with my sister up north on July 16th for a month until I find my own place.
- $16 k student loans, unsure if I can apply for further funding due to 'unsuccessful semesters' (~$250/mo taken from account to pay back).
- Personal debt of ~$6k to Mom which isn't necessary to pay by her opinion, but I wouldn't feel right just forgetting it.
- $100 to my name, sorta, an no sellable assets.
- Eight years retail experience selling mostly cell phones.
The plan:
- Search for a full-time job up north, likely at a pulp-mill.
- Return to school at a local university part-time and get a Comp Sci/Physics joint major (not a dual major/ hoping for credit transfer).
- Get a real job and return to reddit to learn 'responsible adult personal finance.'
Data:
- Avg rent up north is ~$600/mo plus utils.
- Min wage is $10.50/hr, with few commissioned job opportunities.
- Mill jobs pay ~$17/hr plus bene's (so I've heard).
- More to come. | openai_summarize |
Lost 85 lbs in just over a year, stomach is flabby and squishy with some quality stretch marks. Started lifting heavy weight, should I up my calories and slow the weight loss? | Summarize the following paragraph: Hey all, so over the past year or so I have been actively losing weight by changing my diet. I'm a 5'9 male that started at 275 lbs and was cutting and counting calories, losing weight at a solid pace. I have switched up my calorie intake a few times throughout, giving myself a lot of calories in the beginning to start slow but eventually was cutting very hard. I was eating around 1200-1300 calories a day and exercising a few times a week. That went on for a couple months but I realized that while I was losing the weight I wasn't feeling that great and that maybe I was doing more harm than good and decided I needed to eat more. I have been sitting at around 1500 calories a day for the past couple months with exercise around 4 times a week (mostly cardio) and its been solid. I am down to around 187 lbs and am in some of the best shape I have been in years. Also a lot of people have been giving me compliments and its been nice. That being said, I still want to lose another 15 or so pounds but have started to notice my stomach is really flabby and squishy and have noticeable stretch marks. I have started to weight lift heavy and want to get my last weight lost but also look better aesthetically and not just on the scale. was wondering if I should maybe slow my weight loss to a pound a week so I can keep some of the muscle I have and possibly help out with the skin on my stomach. Was curious if anybody had any similar feelings after losing a lot of weight. Thanks. | openai_summarize |
I've never really been single before, should I try it even though he is a great guy to me? | Summarize the following paragraph: We've been together since we were 14. He goes to college while I work in another town (so we are long-distance) and although he makes a lot of effort to make things right, it's just not working.
Since last year, I've been feeling less interested. I've never had the chance to be single, and part of me is interested in trying it. I know most people say that the single life sucks, so maybe I'm just glorifying it. But I made friends who are single and they seem to accept themselves a lot more than I can accept myself...they look to their futures, while I usually just look to my guy.
I can't help but wonder if we should spend some time apart. This is really upsetting to both of us, but instead of getting angry he lets me know it's my decision and he wants me to be happy. I don't want to break up and ruin everything, but I do worry about my commitment issues. | openai_summarize |
I paid for the flowers, but they were not my idea. How can I tip the vendor? | Summarize the following paragraph: Hi Wedditors! I just got married on Saturday. :) I worked with the most amazing florist. The wedding was in Carmel, CA. However, I was in school the last four years and had to plan nearly everything from Scotland. My husband lived 5 hours south of the florist and didn't know enough about flowers to communicate my ideas to her. She and I played email tag for 4 months before we could finally meet up, which was 4 weeks before the wedding. I never sent her a deposit before this date, she didn't know any of my ideas, colours, etc. She kept the date open for me and when we discussed everything to get a quote she said she had no minimums. I was a bit stressed out trying to sort flowers out so soon to the wedding, but she has the most amazing personality and calmed me down within seconds. We took a few things off the invoice that weren't very expensive, but we had decided not to do them. I know I did not pay for them, but she had still made the boutonnieres. I called her in confusion (I didn't know what they were or what for) since she beat me to the venue by a full hour and was already at the reception. I said I would double check the invoice and send her a check, but she only said, "Don't worry about it. Merry Christmas." The bouquets and centrepieces were gorgeous. Even without the extra items we didn't pay for I still want to send her a tip, but I doubt she'll cash a check and I don't want to post cash. Any suggestions? Does anyone need a florist recommendation for the greater San Francisco area or know someone who needs a recommendation?? | openai_summarize |
Group of friends doing the same thing for 10 years: going out at night, same places, doing the same every time. Getting bored, we have become just "bar friends". What other activities can we do (day or night) to get out of this stupid routine? | Summarize the following paragraph: For 10 years or so, we do nothing more than every friday and saturday night go out to the same exact bars, having the same routines, conversations, see the same faces, etc.
While some of us are good with this and can't even conceive (or afford) anything different, others (and me) are very tired of doing the same over and over. One of us even labeled us as "bar friends", because besides going out at night, we do nothing more. Even new year's eve or birthday parties look the same as the other days, only the bars we go change sometimes. Their definition of fun as been reduced to stay up late (it works like a competition sometimes), drink a lot (like if you need to drink to have fun...), and smoke (so basically the two big addictions: drink and smoking).
These group of people work during the day, regular jobs (two of them also work in the weekends sometimes), and then they "have fun" at night this way. I am using quotes here because even the way we have fun nowadays doesn't feel the same for everyone, it sounds more artificial. However, no one wants to publicly accept that these days are getting old.
I am aware that this may be that time when people make new friends and leave the old ones. However that feels quite cold and I would prefer other approach.
What can I do to help migrate this group of ~10 people out of this routine? What new activities can we do together and almost everyone can afford? I am thinking of even trying to hangout during the day instead of at night only, but with these people it is quite challenging because they are not used to. | openai_summarize |
I'm infatuated with other girl. I have no interest in her romantically. I love my gf but I find some attraction in other girls. | Summarize the following paragraph: I've been dating my gf long distance for 2 years 8 months 23 days. I love my baby girl. We don't care about each other's flaws, deal with each other's bullshit, have identical sex drives, and are equally silly and lazy. Lately we've both been working too much for it to even feel like we are in a relationship. I'm lucky to get a text each day. Everytime I masturbate without her (even though I don't watch porn) I feel regret. Regret she's not there, and things. Anyways we love each other, but currently things are not the best. I miss her, but we still both love eac other a lot.
The new busgirl at my summer job infatuated me. I help her out even when it's not my job and I could go home. She's going to the college in going to so we have something to talk about. She's a busgirl and I work in the kitchen so we don't talk much like she does with the busboy. She has a bf and I have a gf so nothing would happen, or couldn't happen. I have no desire in dating her. I have an interet in being like a mentor for her going to my college. I also would like to be friends with her but idk if we will cuz we rarely see each other. Anyways so I have no interest in her romantically, I love my gf. But everytime I see this girl, with her big heart eyes and smooth blonde hair my heart beats a little faster. I don't think sexually about her at all, that's just not okay, but I do light up everytime she walks by me. I'd describe it as infatuation. Maybe that's the wrong term since infatuation might be sexual? I know nothing will further blossom out this admiration, but that doesn't mean I should let it continue until we both go away. I just don't want to be infatuated with her . Idk if you can help me or not or this was all pointless. | openai_summarize |
Girl and I fell in love while boyfriend in Japan. Love the guy, fell in love with girl. Manly tears were shed when I gave her back to boy because didn't want to betray boy.** | Summarize the following paragraph: Duration of entire relationship: 2 years.
I ended up in a weird and almost fucked up relationship. Basically this girl and I were friends and her boyfriend left to Japan for a semester as a study abroad deal for his photography. What's interesting is that he gave her free reign to hook up with me, and so we did. It got to the point that I realized that I was probably hooked, and it looks like she was too. The boyfriend and her have been having nasty arguments and fights even before Japan. They were fighting in almost every conversation they had, I took nobodies side. I didn't even try to make them break apart, I think it's because I adore the guy as well. He's an awesome kid. It was too late though because I was in love with this girl. That's probably an understatement. I adore everything, from her grumpiness and her quick temper to the way she can also be the most loving person in the world with the biggest heart I've ever seen.
Nevertheless, I still did nothing about their relationship. I let them handle it. On the contrary I even gave advice to patch things up between them because I was in a similar situation. Instead she fell in love with me too. I am positive she did.
So it all comes down to: He's back from Japan and I just gave her back to him, without a fight. I figured he's her real boyfriend and I would be a traitor to take her away from him. I can't backstab such a good friend. So I went home. I collapsed and just wept and wept for hours. I just couldn't stop. I still can't stop. I don't want to talk with either of them because I know I will not be logical or coherent. I'm positive if I saw them together I would break down and just bawl my eyes out on the spot.
What do I do? Nothing is consoling me, my hobbies, my goals, dreams, everything just seems insignificant. I need closure, but what I'm looking for is hope that I can still somehow be with her while keeping my friendship with the guy.
What do I do? (Sorry about the sob story) | openai_summarize |
Need advice on how to break up with a gf who's been battling depression/suicidal ideations and bulimia.
Thank you! | Summarize the following paragraph: So I've been seeing this girl for a while, she's pretty nice, not bad looking, and a decent person. However, lately things have began to seem different, and I'm looking to break things off with her. But there's a big problem.
She's recovering from a very destructive lifestyle. She was molested at a young age and has been cutting herself for a few years now. I've gotten her to stop, and she has just recently began to recover from bulimia after attending some recovery program. She's also been in and out of the hospital over the last few months from malnourishment, and has attempted suicide a few times too. Note that this is NOT why I want to break up with her, I've stood by her side this whole time, and if I can, I'd do the same with her after we stopped seeing each other.
My problem is that I'm worried that if I was to break up with her, that she'd go right back into her former mindset. She's starting to love life, and I'm not too sure how I can do this without crushing her and sending her back down that awful path. | openai_summarize |
bf went to another girl's house while i was sleeping and their msgs are pretty flirty, but she says nothing happened and he has said he has no interest in her but doesn't have a good track record. What should I do? | Summarize the following paragraph: I found out my bf went over to another girl's apartment who lives in our complex late at night while I was asleep. She's someone neither of us have known for long, and he left his google voice open on our comp cos he doesn't have a phone. The msgs weren't completely bad, they were pretty flirty like him saying "whatre you doing sexy" and her saying, "just wishing you were at the store with me" and she asked him to come over to her place and help her when she got back. I was asleep.
They'd been msging for awhile. Last night he said he "really wanted her to come over" to hang with him and his friend after I was asleep, but she didn't answer. I asked her about it myself today and she swears nothing happened, but it doesn't look good and he doesn't have the best track record. I've asked him about her after I first met her, and he insisted he had no interest, but turns out he's been texting her this whole time.
He's at work now and I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him. I love him and we've been together 5 yrs, and moved across the country from our families so neither of us even has anywhere else to go. But now I also won't be able to sleep or go to work without worrying. :( What do you think? | openai_summarize |
I feel switching fields and not being afraid to start at an entry-level position needs specified in my cover letter because I'm not getting responses to jobs that match my skills. What should I write? Do you have a similar experience? | Summarize the following paragraph: I recently quit my job after 7 years due to burn-out / no opportunities without having anything lined up. I was a manager in Hospitality and never *ever* want to work in another hotel again so I've been applying to other companies as customer service / administrative / department support because I'm trying to get my foot in the door. A lot of my managerial experience doesn't translate to the open managerial positions I'm seeing so I'm not applying for those.
I'm a really hard worker and I'm dedicated, I have no problem starting as entry-level and putting the time in with a company but whatever I'm doing is not being conveyed properly. In my last (and only) interview the person brought up how I'm "switching fields" and while yes, that's true, going from admin/cust service/department support in Hospitality to admin/cust service/department support in X Field doesn't really seem to be a stretch unless they were just nitpicking. I never heard back from them and the job is still posted to this day.
Any thoughts on what I can do to improve my cover letter? | openai_summarize |
My mom constantly asks me to cover my body when I'm around the men/boys in my family, how can I make her understand that this is getting out of hand? | Summarize the following paragraph: Ever since I hit puberty (when I was about nine), my mom has always incessantly reminded me to be modest, especially whenever my brothers or dad are around (they got divorced a few years ago, now I have a step dad). The thing is, I'm not "immodest". I don't walk around half naked, and I am never dressed as what seem people would refer to as slutty. Since I was nine years old, she has requested that I change into clothes in the bathroom after showering (instead of walking to my room in a towel), that I wear a bra (even if I'm wearing a big t shirt), and that I wear shorts that do not show too much. I'm so tired of it. When I was a kid and starting to physically mature, she told me that my brothers could have "impure thoughts" about me so I should be "modest to protect them".
I'm currently living with my mom and her husband this summer, but I return back to college in the fall. Almost every day she asks me to put more clothes on, wear longer shorts, etc. It might be important to note that she's religious, but not *that* religious. I've always had boyfriends and she's never been too strict on anything, besides this. I'm tired of her referencing to my body as if it's something "unholy" that should be covered from my fucking FAMILY. I'm relatively attractive (?), but even so, that doesn't mean that my brothers think about me in a sexual manner? I don't know. I had a terrible self esteem growing up, and I think it's seriously messed up the way I view myself and others.
So how do I talk to her about this? Every time I bring it up she doesn't understand and we end up having an argument. | openai_summarize |
My boyfriend and I [27F] are starting to develop a very intimate relationship and feel like our relationship is "moving too fast". How should I approach this question? | Summarize the following paragraph: Despite dating me [27F] for all of two weeks (after vaguely knowing one another for years) before I moved cross country (IL to CA) to begin law school, my now long-distance boyfriend [31M] and I have developed a very emotionally intimate relationship over the last 3 months where we talk for hours daily and visit one another monthly. He's written me beautiful love poetry and read some of my favorite obscure philosophy texts just to talk to me about them even though it's not his thing at all. I could list countless other examples, e.g. calling just to say that he wishes he could hold me, but the point is that he goes far out of his way to show he cares about me.
He told me two months into our relationship during a visit that he's open to relocating and said shortly thereafter that, with my blessing, he indeed wants to begin planning his move because he wants nothing more than to be with me. Acknowledging the risks, we've also discussed our desire to live together, at least initially while we suss out whether separate apartments will be an important intermediate step.
I visited him this past weekend and he took me to meet his parents who seemed to know damn near everything about me and seemed genuinely excited that their son is planning to move to be with me. Meanwhile, we're tentatively planning for him to visit my family with me during the Christmas season. When I floated the idea, he started tearing up and said that he'd love to go.
Though this is a new relationship, it just feels like "it" to me and he insists that he's never felt like this in previous relationships. What can I say but I just really love him? The only questions that remain for me now are these:
1. Is this moving too quickly?
2. Is this normal male behavior?
3. Is "I can't imagine caring about anyone as deeply as I care about you" a prelude to a proposal at his age and in this context?
4. Is the fact that his older male siblings and friends tied the knot around his age relevant here?
5. Should I start identifying caterers, etc or should I chill? | openai_summarize |
My girlfriend made mistakes, I feel the same. | Summarize the following paragraph: I am a 18M, she's a 17F.
We've got a troublesome relationship which started as a pure friendship one year ago.
I've made mistakers, she made hers too.
Our last situation scenario is explained in here:
Now I feel like I hate her, I used to admire her a lot, but I'm really disappointed with her and with her character. But I just realized I still like her. So, well, yeah, I like her and hate her.
And just after that bad situation happened I realized she also had that feeling. Well, now we both hate and love each other.
What to do? What to think? What to feel?
additional info: today our friend asked me for help with some calculations and I made a joke about our physics teacher. She laughed and smiled at me just like one year ago, but after she realized that, she seemed kinda [grouchy]( | openai_summarize |
Does Affirm make a small dent in a person's credit score, even if they hold a 0% interest balance and stay within the 0% interest period? | Summarize the following paragraph: ::groan:: another question about Affirm. Sorry everyone, but I searched the sub already and didn't find the answer I was looking for.
If I use Affirm to purchase a Casper mattress, and I stay under the 6 month-no interest limit, will it affect my credit score in any way?
I've heard varying stories that even creating an account with Affirm or any such entity, will make a small dent in one's credit score, but is that just out of principle? Or is it because people typically don't stay within the 0% interest period and end up paying more than they should. | openai_summarize |
I invited my SO to my work party. I have no intention of inviting him to a professional event. I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings if I take back the invitation. What should I do?
EDIT: Formatting | Summarize the following paragraph: I invited my SO (Jamie) to a company event for employees and family. At the time I thought it was a good idea to introduce my SO to my coworkers. Later on I found out people were only bringing spouses and children, no extended family or friends.
I work in a professional field as does Jamie. I deal with my coworkers almost exclusively in a professional setting. Not a lot of people I work with even know about Jamie. I have never invited (nor had the chance to invite) Jamie to any events before. Likewise, I've never been invited to any events at Jamie's company. Even in my previous long term relationships, I have never invited an SO to a work function.
One underlying issue has to do with the state of our relationship. We have been living together for a year and while I have made it clear that I'm ready to discuss next steps, Jamie is not. I can understand given that our relationship hasn't exactly been smooth sailing, but it is a point of contention for me. I'm afraid to introduce Jamie to my coworkers - thus putting a label on our relationship - when there is still major uncertainty.
There will be high level management attending the event and I want to be able to present myself professionally and leave a good impression. I don't want to be remembered as the person who brings whoever they're seeing at the time to the company party.
I fear I will hurt Jamie's feelings if I take back the invitation. But the lack of commitment in our relationship on Jamie's part makes me worry about introducing him into my professional life. What do I do? | openai_summarize |
am embarrassed by my "hidden" card deck, may have made someone's day. | Summarize the following paragraph: My freshman year of college, I was a varsity athlete, and I wanted to "fit in" with the team (I never really did in high school). So I hid my magic deck in my sock drawer and would claim to "visit family" on the weekends I went to tournaments.
Then comes spring break, when my rommate and I are packing our things, and he sees me quickly move my magic cards into my bookbag and starts laughing.
Embarrassed, I didn't know what to say so I just turned a very bright shade of red. His response: he pulled out his deck from its hiding place in his drawer and asked to play.
We locked the common room door to keep some privacy, but inevitably that brought more attention to the situation and we were outed. In retrospect, that was one of the silliest secrets I've ever tried to keep.
For those of you in the know, I had rdw post-extended-dual-rotation (scrolls, jackal pups, ports. blistering firecat was the new thing)
He had a "secret force" deck (natural order into verdant force). | openai_summarize |
I like a girl that I am worried will hurt my feelings and get in trouble. She does not want to talk about this, and I am not sure how to deal with it better. | Summarize the following paragraph: So like I said, I've never been very close to any females in the past, so no girlfriends (except for one I had in 4th grade, which doesn't count). I'm a complete noob to this kinda stuff. This school year (this is our last year of highschool) we got a lot closer than ever before. She invited me to her house a few days ago, where I met her parents. In the school year before, she had a boyfriend who I knew slightly. Recently, she told me that she was not going out with anyone (although I don't know how recently they broke up).
Very recently we were conversing through texting, and we somehow got talking about any past girlfriends that I might have had, and I jokingly mentioned the one from 4th grade. She then asked me who I liked now, and this is where I started having anxiety. I get anxiety pretty bad, but never like this before, because she is in fact the girl I like. I wanted to tell her, but instead I just avoided the question, and told her that I get really anxious when I get questions like that.
I am always worrying about all of the possible negative consequences that could come from saying what I want to say vs. not saying anything, so I never make up my mind. The more I think about the bad things, I get this feeling of dread over me, and my heart/chest aches, and my entire body just feels weak.
Now, she is trying to help me get over my anxiety, after having a long discussion about how my anxiety effects me. she is such a genuine and kind person, I don't know if this is just how she normally acts, or if she also likes me. I don't know what to do. | openai_summarize |
brother is smoking pot on my dime instead of becoming financially responsible for himself. What can I do? | Summarize the following paragraph: He works in the kitchen at a movie theatre right now. He makes enough to pay his bills (minus utilities and rent), buy pot and cigarettes, and save to go back to school.
He's turning this into a moral stance (he doesn't think it should be illegal, he doesn't think he should have to lie about it, he thinks it's unfair companies can test you for non-performance related issues and fire you for smoking off the clock). But he's an adult now and sometimes that means accepting you have to do things you don't want to do (he's not real big on that either).
My concern is going to school is going to be a waste if I can't get him to pull his head out of his butt on this issue. He's already blown three excellent job interviews I got him because he either refused a drug test or told the interviewer he smokes. The first interviewer was my current employer! I was extremely angry because it made things awkward at work, all I got was a half-hearted apology and a (worthless) promise not to do it again.
I want to marry my boyfriend and move out of my rental eventually. Bringing my brother along is NOT the plan.
Our parents are useless on this issue. They live off disability and think this is a matter of finding the *right* boss. They let him do whatever he wanted when he could live with them.
Edit: I should mention I don't want to kick him out because he'll go back to couch surfing with his friends and letting them help blow his paychecks instead of saving. | openai_summarize |
my friend (18M) is using cocaine a lot more often than he used it before our relationship ended. I believe he will become addicted if he continues to use. Should I talk to him about my concerns or just watch and wait? | Summarize the following paragraph: Me and my ex ended our relationship about 10 days ago. The reason we broke up is because he is too busy for a boyfriend and has a lot of stuff to deal with. We ended the relationship on a good note and have decided to remain friends. He is currently under a lot of pressure as he is graduating in a month, and he is also a part of a lot of clubs at the school and therefore has to give up his positions and find people to replace him. I can tell he is worried about what will happen after graduation, he currently holds a lot of power at the university and he isn't ready to let go of it.
Due to this stress I believe he has turned to drugs to help deal with it. Before we broke up he had only done cocaine twice, with about two to three months between uses. He is a raver and a partier and therefore does drink frequently and does molly frequently. However, since our break-up he has down cocaine three times that I know of. This is a large jump from his previous uses, and I am worried he will become addicted.
He is not super well off financially and I know a cocaine addiction can and will drain his resources. I am worried about his health, but I believe that this will just end up being a downward spiral for him. I understand he is going through a tough time right now, but I am more worried that if he continues to abuse cocaine he will become addicted, and then once he is through this time he will continue to be a cocaine user.
I have talked to him about his previous cocaine use and told him that I do not believe that it is good, but he didn't feel that it is a big deal. I dropped the subject as I was okay with him doing it infrequently. He doesn't appear to be very open about talking about it. Am I valid for wishing to talk to him about my concerns? Or should I wait and see if once he is less stressed he stops his use? | openai_summarize |
my boyfriend and I are considering sex with another couple (NOT A POLY RELATIONSHIP) and are not sure about how to initiate with anyone or how we will react after the fact. Not sure how to move forward with this idea... | Summarize the following paragraph: My boyfriend (we'll call him Jesse) and I were drunkenly talking about threesomes the other night and it came up that he was a bit concerned about me not being completely satisfied with sex because I'm bi (for some reason in most hetero minds, being bi means I need to be with both sexes in order to be adequately stimulated, but that is certainly not the case).
I told him I really enjoy sex with him and I dont need anyone else... but since we were talking about it, if we were to do anything with someone else, I would want it to be another couple, not just one other person. He seemed really turned on by that idea (and I obviously am into it too).
But we definitely do NOT want to be poly. I dont know how to go about initiating this, I dont know what kind of longterm effects this might have on Jesse OR me because he can get a bit insecure at times and I dont want jealousy to get in our way at all. Overall, I'm just not sure how to even go about continuing the conversation, or what a relationship with another couple would entail. Any insight would be helpful. | openai_summarize |
BF gets upset when I go out with my friends. How do I try to convince him to be okay with me going out with my friends? | Summarize the following paragraph: Me, 18F and my bf 18m have been going out for over a year. We were good friends for about 2 years before we started dating, so he means a lot to me.
We go to two separate colleges. I come back often to see him. The problem is, I almost never go out with my friends. This is because he has a problem with me going out late, and being around people who are possibly drinking. He says he trusts me, but he doesn't trust other people. He also won't let me drink unless he is around. When I have disagreed with him on this, he says that I don't care about him and that I am making him feel guilty, or that I am upsetting him.
It's not like I want to party every day. Later this week I want to go to an event with my friends. I'm just going with girls, I won't be drinking. I've decided to talk to him about it tonight, and try to convince him to be okay with me going. I've decided I'm going to go anyways even if he does get upset.
My question is: How should I go about talking to him about this? He's very stubborn, I'm not sure how I'll get him to agree. I don't want to come off as if I don't take about how he feels about this. Also, am I being the bitch here? I swear this is not a big deal, but I don't know how to make him understand that. | openai_summarize |
Me and my best friend have been on a date, now she wants to date me. She talked to her friend about me and decided to date me. How should I handle this? | Summarize the following paragraph: Me and my best friend,
for the sake of this I'll call her amy, have been at an unclear state for months. When we first met, it was for a date. She had recently been dumped by someone she thought was the one, but even despite that, We clicked extremely well, and I have never felt that way, before or since. Her family is like my family now and I love them all. In the weeks that past, Amy told me she valued our friendship too much date me. People told me she was still hurt and to give her time. We recently decided that since we both needed a place to live, and our jobs are a few blocks apart, we should move in together, in separate rooms. Friday, me, her and a friend went to a club, and me and Amy ended up dancing. One thing led to another, and we kissed. Suddenly she pulled away and decided to go out to smoke. She told me the next day she had felt like she was kissing her brother. This hurt me, because I had patiently waiting for her to be ready to try again with me, but I accepted it. Last night however, Amys Best Friend and "life coach" commented on a fb status we were talking on, mentioning me and Amy should date. Within 5 minutes we had plans for a date this next Friday. I don't know how this happened, but it confused me how easily she switched me from "brother" to "date." Her friend messaged me shes really into me and has trouble showing it. I dont know how I should go about this, and what worries me is if we decide to date before or whole we live together, how this will go. I really could use any advice you could give. Thank you. | openai_summarize |
Overqualified for many jobs, but receiving very few call backs for engineering positions, is it wise to simply apply for technician positions that will give me the required experience and experience needed to get my foot in the door? | Summarize the following paragraph: I left my last job nearly two months ago in order to pursue job searching full time. I did land one short term contract for a startup but responses past that have been lukewarm. I graduated as an Electrical Engineer, yet took a software consulting position after graduation a year and a half ago. I was under the impression that it wouldn't be difficult to land an engineering position but finding it quite the opposite as I'm receiving very few call backs on engineering jobs, due to my job history appearing as though I'm attempting a career change, which I suppose I am..
So recently I started simply applying for technician positions, of which I'm over-qualified for the majority, however, many of the hiring managers in initial conversations notice my BSEE and are hesitant to hire someone that just wants to use the technician position as a stepping stone towards engineering. I give them the canned response that "I'm young enough that I plan to progress and grow with the company, whether that's in this position or another", and that seems satisfy many of them.
Should I simply apply for technician positions that will hopefully give me the required experience necessary to get my foot in the door to some good engineering opportunities?
What about when I find a company that has the engineering job I want (and am qualified for), but also a technician position that I'd likely accept (but am overqualified for).. Is it wise to simply apply for the better position and add a sidenote that I'd be interested to hear back on the technician position as well? | openai_summarize |
I (27F) am not ready for a relationship and I can't decide if it is her or me. I am also worried that anyone I see after would not match up. | Summarize the following paragraph: So I (M, 27) am at the wonderful age where everyone is starting to settle down. I am definitely not ready to get married yet, or even move in after just a year together. I am perfectly happy with Sue (27, F) and she is amazing to me, easily the best person I have ever been with. However, there is something still off and I still find myself drawn to the bachelor life. I just don't know if it is her or me. On paper, she is perfect for me and I am so happy with her. It is just this nagging fear of missing out and honestly always enjoying the "single game". No relationship is perfect, but I always had this idea that I would "know" and I wouldn't have this draw to be single again. On top of it, I don't want to lead her along for another year just to figure out that it wasn't just a phase that needed to pass. I don't think that is fair to her. There's also truth to the fact that I'm worried that anyone I would see after would not match up, due to being at the age where everyone is either settling down or has major baggage. | openai_summarize |
I was crazy and abandoned me, now he is too.
EDIT2: I am in therapy. | Summarize the following paragraph: I moved about 2 hours away to the city where he lives half because of him (lets call him Tim), half because of an amazing job/schooling opportunity. I am not going to say things were great. When I moved there I was on my own, got a cat, and was totally ignored due to a video game addiction on Tim's part.
I had a brief but serious encounter of psychosis due to extremely high stress which led to my diagnosis. I entered an intensive outpatient therapy program in my original city to develop coping skills and such so things like that don't happen again. 3 days in Tim decided it would be a good time to decide he had enough.
I started dating again about a month after the program ended and I felt I could handle it dated a guy for a month(whole other post, dude was crazy) and Tim found out about it, he did NOT like it at all. Well I found out dude was crazy and ended that and started talking to Tim again after I realized that I still had serious feelings for him and serious feelings for me.
We are not back together but I suppose I wanted some advice to see if I should cut my loses after I moved near him and he abandoned me and again abandoned me when I was in therapy or give it another shot and see what comes of it.
He speaks to me about how much he fucked up and how his video game addiction has approved tremendously (his mother confirmed this to me). He even talks about the future, which we never spoke of when we were together. I am now still in therapy, medicated, and doing much better but I don't feel like I am entirely ready to jump back in the relationship.
What do I do reddit?
EDIT: Despite what the title says he is in fact a male. | openai_summarize |
My GF's dog sucks, wont leave me alone and makes me not want to go out with her. | Summarize the following paragraph: UPDATE: We talked it over and are going to do whatever we can to train this dog right. It would seem neither of us has a clue what we are doing but realize the problem. Thank you for all of your suggestions, they were most helpful!
Howdy,
My GF and I have been going out 6-8 weeks, (were roughly 30) everything is pretty decent except for one thing:
She has the most annoying dog in the world. It just barks and jumps on me the entire time im there, it might take a break for 10 minutes and than it's right back at if for 20 more. If we put it another room, it whines nonstop basically for at least 20-30 mins before it gives up.
Just this morning were sitting trying to watch a movie and all this dog did for 2 hours was nibble at me, attack me with it's play toy and growl/bark. Then it sat right next to me and begged the whole time we are eating breakfast.
The stupid fucking thing just wants to play or something and is ridiculously high energy so it wont ever quit.
I'm not sure what to do, she seems really nice and i'm kinda in an awkward spot. This can't keep up for very long before I just have to call it off. There must be something I can do to fix the situation, this dog is already driving a wedge between us. Regardless of what anyone thinks, I dont think it's unreasonable to expect to not be bitten, clawed and barked at every waking moment im at her house.
Please help! Any help at all even if you think im way out to lunch would be appreciated. | openai_summarize |
Pseudo boyfriend of 2 years tells me he doesn't see us having a future but doesn't want me dating anyone else | Summarize the following paragraph: I have been pseudo dating a great friend of mine for two years. We were dumb and continued this confusing "dating" even though our paths in life did not seem to match up. Although we forced our paths together, we were confident that they would match up later in life and have had conversations about marriage and our futures together.
Last night I was told that he no longer saw us having any sort of future together and I should stop waiting for him. I asked if he had another person he was pursuing, and he told me he didn't, he just can't picture us together. Of course I was heartbroken, still am, and had to tell him I thought it was better if we didn't attempt to be friends right now. I have been through breakups before, and, in time, would have been able to move on, BUT then he told me that he wouldn't want me to date anyone else. Is that normal? Does that mean he still has feelings for me? | openai_summarize |
recently i[26m] have developed feelings for a classmate[30f]which is weighing on my relationship with my girlfriend[26f]. how do i handle this situation? | Summarize the following paragraph: i have never had any interest in anyone other than my girlfriend until i met this girl and now it seems like its exposing all of the bad things about my relationship.I feel guilty for texting this girl behind my gf's back and i feel guilty for leading this other girl on. but i dont want to stop. i never clarified my feelings or the other girls feelings but its just one of those things where i feel the vibe. so do i act on this feeling? or do i let it pass and try and refocus on my girlfriend that i have been with for 3 years. | openai_summarize |
I met a girl, had feelings for her, then broke up with her and she started talking to me on facebook and I'm confused. | Summarize the following paragraph: So I met a girl before winter break,(we will call her 'Sarah') (we are both in college, but we are 2 hours away from each other) and everything went great since we both had feelings for each other. When I left to head back to my school, she told me that she didn't know if she wanted a relationship or not and she would let me know after break (this was 2 weeks before finals). So, I tried to talk to her all winter break, but since she lives on a farm and took some online classes, she only responded a couple of times, but since her best friends didn't get a lot back, I didn't feel as bad.
Before I met her or anything, I was talking to another girl, but only talking. I had almost everything in common with her and I kind of liked it at the time. So, during the whole winter break I constantly talked to her about anything. So the friday before break, my friend tells her I like her for some unknown reason. So I talked to her about it and it turns out, she kind of liked me too. I didn't really feel anything for this girl after having dinner/lunch/etc. with her, so I told her about Sarah because I couldn't get her off of my mind and sort of just broke it off.
One of the kids in my dorm is friends with me and the Sarah , so he told her about this other girl and what I've told him. And she ended up talking to me on facebook saying we should just be friends (this was about 2 weeks ago).
So, I haven't talked to the Sarah in 2 weeks and one of her friends told me to wait a week (last week) to see if i would choose between them I guess.
Should I try texting her and trying to talk to her? I feel like I should apologize, but none of my friends think I should. | openai_summarize |
I was hired for 28 K eur/yr gross, I asked for a raise because underpaid and I got 29.7 K eur/yr. Now, after 1.5 yrs I want ask for a better raise. | Summarize the following paragraph: Hello, I have been working for a bank as SW engineer for almost 4yrs. I have international experiences, a master degree in engineering with highest marks and I had a good working experience in private research before joining this bank.
When I got hired I was offered for a junior position, despite I had previous experiences. I accepted anyway, believing I would improve my position quickly.
Then I discovered that my salary was one of the lowest in the whole company, and that most of my colleagues earn much more than me, even without a degree and without any significant experience before working for the bank.
One year and a half ago I asked to my manager for a raise, from 28.000 eur to 35.000 eur/year gross. All I had got was a promotion to the same level that is offered to a newly graduated hired, which corresponds to a mere 29.700 eur/year gross. Other companies offered me 35.000+ eur/year gross to join them.
Since then, the team I work has been dedicated to the two most relevant projects for the bank. Three people of the team left the company, so I found myself being one of the two in charge of the two critical projects. Due to this fact, I started doing a lot of overtime work (about 10 hrs a week of overtime), being available on call 24/7 and being asked to work on Saturday and on Sunday on regular basis (at least twice a month). I am the only one who knows how some critical parts of the infrastructure work. The manager said that I overcome the expectations.
One project ended even better than expected, the second is running on track. Now I would like to ask again for a significant raise, do you have any suggestions? | openai_summarize |
Dad put Tabasco on birdseed, the raccoon ate the seed, birds ate the rest of the birdseed no problem | Summarize the following paragraph: Obligatory "first post on this sub", "this is more my dad's story not mine", and "this happened years ago" thing. Now on to what you want to read.
At my old house, my family had a bird feeder in the backyard, mounted on a wooden post. We'd used it for years, but at one point we noticed that seed had begun to go missing. It started small, but then more and more seed just vanished overnight. Way more than the birds near our house could possibly have eaten. Plus the top of the feeder was left open some nights, suggesting some animal eating the seed. Then my dad found the cause when he looked out the window late one night. Sitting on the bird feeder was a giant, grey, fat raccoon. The thing hissed at dad and ran off. We found it would climb the post, open the top of the feeder, and eat its fill every night.
I proposed a trick I'd read about where we'd put a white sheet over the top of the feeder at night. It worked for a little while, but then the family started forgetting to put the sheet on and the raccoon would be back every time we lapsed. Dad also tried putting a bungee cord over the top, but the raccoon knew how to take that off. After a few weeks of this dad got fed up with the animal eating the birdseed we buy and decided to fix it once and for all.
He opened the top of the bird feeder and poured Tabasco sauce over the top layer of seed. Then he closed the top and left it there overnight.
The next morning there was evidence that something had opened the top of the bird feeder, taken a single bite of seed, and left. The raccoon never came back, seed never vanished mysteriously again, and the birds ate the rest of the spicy seed without incident. (we didn't put Tabasco on the seed after that) | openai_summarize |
My dad is a fucking asshole, does he always do this kind of shit? | Summarize the following paragraph: Today has been the last straw. Just to give you some background info on what he looks like, he's about 68 (I'm only 16), big pot belly, also missing all his teeth.
Now before you start flaming at me, saying that I must be some degenerate POS kid for not being proud of my father, let me just say he has been a terrible father figure. This question is already starting to get long, so can't explain all that right now. He's always embarrassing me. I go to a school where it's one really big classroom with all the kids in there, and the teachers/principal are in the same room too.
Today, he waltzed right in there while it was quiet and everyone was taking a test, and starts yelling and making a scene with the principal about why the work isn't hard enough for me, etc..the kids were staring and laughing, it was very embarrassing. Not the first time he's done this sort of stuff either. For one, I look nothing like him, people say this all the time. | openai_summarize |
I think a girl I was hanging out with made an inappropriate comment to me in front of her boyfriend | Summarize the following paragraph: I was hanging out with my buddy and he had this couple over that I have never really hung out with. After an hour of being there the girl seemed to very interested in getting to know me after she realized we both suffer from similar anxiety issues and after that she kept asking me all these personal questions. Then she said me and my buddy should come visit her at work since she is a server.
Then out of nowhere she says "you have a really nice smile". Maybe its the insecurities I had in my past relationship but I got a little uncomfortable that she said that right in front of her bf because I would be a little taken back if my spouse were to say that to some guy but then again im pretty insecure.
Her bf seemed visibly upset with her towards the end of the night. By the way he was talking to her he was definitely getting really annoyed with the way she was acting. Shes one of those "princess" type girls who get whatever they want and I just dont get a long with her at all. This same night she admitted that she was racist against black people and actually tried to get us to understand her reasoning. But anyway it just seemed like she was being a little tooo friendly, she kept telling me to add her on facebook and that "I just made a new friend".
I could just be over thinking this, and im sorry if I came off sounding negative in any way. What are your thoughts? Would you be offended if you were in the boyfriends position? Also we are all around the ages 22-24 I think... | openai_summarize |
how can you know if a girl likes you or is just toying with you, IF she has a boyfriend? | Summarize the following paragraph: Basically, this girl I met at my uni four months ago is amazing. The problem is, even though we have many things in common and great chemistry, she has a boyfriend.
Now, the way she acts, she may or may not be leading me on. It's the usual I tease her and she teases me back, and so forth, and the way she acts puzzles me.
I don't know if she just finds me friendly or if there's something else going on. I have been getting the "I have a boyfriend" vibe, indirectly, but nothing directly. And I dont want to escalate in this situation, I still see her almost every day in every class,but the fact is, the impression I'm been getting is "I hadn't had a boyfriend, we would be together already", and I hate that....
What can I do?How can I figure out what she really wants? And in particular, if a girl is being friendly/flirty with you and reacts well to you teasing her, how can you know what she really wants? Because the last thing I want is waste time on someone who's just being friendly... | openai_summarize |