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(So the Author and Babbage leave the room together, Achilles heads for the kitchen, |
the Tortoise sits down to examine the erratic smart-stupids, while the Crab and his |
smart-stupid square away at each other. Perhaps a quarter of an hour passes, and |
Babbage and the Author return. Babbage walks over to observe the progress of the |
chess match, while the Author goes off to find Achilles.) |
Babbage: The grounds are excellent! We had just enough light to see how well |
maintained they are. I daresay, Mr. Crab, you must be a superb gardener. Well, I hope |
my handiwork has amused you a little. As you most likely have guessed, I've never |
been much of a chess player myself, and therefore I wasn't able to give it much power. |
You probably have observed all its weaknesses. I'm sure that there are very few |
grounds for praise, in this case |
Crab: The grounds are excellent! All you need to do is look at the board, and see for |
yourself. There is really very little I can do. Reluctantly I've Concluded: Every Route |
Contains A Rout. Regrettably, I'm Checkmated; Extremely Respectable Chess |
Algorithm Reigns. Remarkable! It Confirms Every Rumor-Charlie's A Rip-roaring |
Extemporizer! Mr. Babbage, this is an unparalleled accomplishment. Well, I wonder if |
Mr. Tortoise has managed to uncover anything funny in the wiring of those strange- |
acting smart-stupids. What have you found, Mr. T? |
Tortoise: The grounds are excellent! I think that the problem lies instead with the input |
leads. They are a little loose, which may account for the strange, sporadic, and |
spontaneous screen disturbances to which you have been subjected. I've fixed those |
wires, so you won't be troubled by that problem any more, I hope. Say, Achilles, |
what's the story with our coffee? |
Achilles: The grounds are excellent! At least they have a delicious aroma. And |
everything's ready; I've set cups and spoons and whatnot over here beneath this six- |
sided print Verbum by Escher, which the Author and I were just admiring. What I find |
so fascinating about this particular print is that not only the figures, but also |
Author: The grounds are excellent! Pardon me for putting words in your mouth, Achilles, |
but I assure you, there were compelling esthetic reasons for doing so. |
Achilles: Yes, I know. One might even say that the grounds were excellent. |
Tortoise: Well, what was the outcome of the chess match? |
Crab: I was defeated, fair and square. Mr. Babbage, let me congratulate you for the |
impressive feat which you have accomplished so gracefully and skillfully before us. |
Truly, you have shown that the smart-stupids are worthy of the first part of their name, |
for the first time in history! |
Babbage: Such praise is hardly due me, Mr. Crab; it is rather yourself who must be most |
highly congratulated for having the great foresight to acquire these many fine smart- |
stupids. Without doubt, they will someday revolutionize the science of computing. |
And now, 1 am still at your disposal. Have you any other thoughts on how to exploit |
your inexhaustible Theme, perhaps of a more difficult nature than a frivolous game |
player? |
Crab: To tell the truth, I do have another suggestion to make. From the skill which you |
have displayed this evening, 1 have no doubt that this will hardly be any more difficult |
than my previous suggestions. |
Babbage: I am eager to hear your idea. |
Crab: It is simple: to instill in the smart-stupid an intelligence greater than any which has |
yet been invented, or even conceived! In short, Mr. Babbage-a smart-stupid whose |
intelligence is sixfold that of myself! |
Babbage: Why, the very idea of an intelligence six times greater than that of your |
Crabness is a most mind-boggling proposition. Indeed, had the idea come from a |
mouth less august than your own, I should have ridiculed its proposer, and infonned |
him that such an idea is a contradiction in terms! |
Achilles: Hear! Hear! |
Babbage: Yet, coming as it did from Your Crabness' own august mouth, the proposition |
at once struck me as so agreeable an idea that I would have taken it up immediately |
with the highest degree of enthusiasm-were it not for one flaw in myself: I confess that |
my improvisatory skills on the smart-stupid are no match for the wonderfully |
ingenious idea which you so characteristically have posed. Yet-I have a thought |
which, I deign to hope, might strike your fancy and in some meager way compensate |
for my inexcusable reluctance to attempt the truly majestic task you have suggested. I |
wonder if you wouldn't mind if I try to carry out the far less grandiose task of merely |
multiplying M OWN intelligence sixfold, rather than that of your most august |
Crabness. I humbly beg you to forgive me my audacity in declining to attempt the task |
you put before me, but I hope you will understand that I decline purely in order to |
spare you the discomfort and boredom of watching my ineptitude with the admirable |
machines you have here. |
Grab: I understand fully your demurral, and appreciate your sparing us any discomfort: |
furthermore I highly applaud your determination to carry out a similar task-one hardly |
less difficult, if I might say so-and I urge you to plunge forward. For this purpose, let |
us go over to my most advanced smart-stupid. |
(They follow the Crab to a larger, shinier, and more complicated-looking smart-stupid |
than any of the others.) |
This one is equipped with a microphone and a television camera, for purposes of input, |
and a loudspeaker, for output. |
(Babbage sits down and adjusts the seat a little. He blows on his fingers once or |
twice, stares up into space for a moment, and then slowly, drops his fingers onto the |
keys . . . A few memorable minutes later, he lets up in his furious attack on the smart- |
stupid, and everyone appears a little relieved.) |
Babbage: Now, if I have not made too many errors, this smart-stupid will simulate a |