Talk:Birt–Hogg–Dubé syndrome

message: * The prose is uneven and opaque in many places.  The information is in there but it's hard for a typical lay reader to access - this is pretty important.  Consider your audience to be a bright 15-year-old with no medical training.  Would such a reader be able to access the information the article is trying to communicate?  Yes, a lot of this information is based on specialist knowledge, but even so, organize the paragraphs of your sections so that the first paragraph is a very accessible overview that doesn't overwhelm with heavy technical detail, and then the following paragraphs in the section can build on that.  This allows the reader not so interested in slogging through heavy technical detail to get the gist from the first paragraph and then skip to the next section.
::I think this is better. I'll see what the GA reviewer says and either get a copyeditor before GA or after. Keilana|Parlez ici 03:20, 20 August 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: I've gone through an gotten rid of as many as I could. Keilana|Parlez ici 03:28, 20 August 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: Think I caught them all! Keilana|Parlez ici 03:28, 20 August 2013 (UTC)

text: Did this, and found a couple more animals to add to the mix. :) Keilana|Parlez ici 21:01, 26 July 2013 (UTC)
thread_title: General comments

message: * Lead needs expansion, although I don't often bother writing the lead until the body is done, maybe you're doing the same thing.
::That's how I work too, it's expanded quite a bit now. Keilana|Parlez ici 20:38, 17 August 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: Removed from Epidemiology. Keilana|Parlez ici 21:02, 26 July 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: I'll have a go at it. Is there anyone in particular you'd recommend as a copyeditor? Keilana|Parlez ici 21:19, 26 July 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: I just finished a chunk of work and might have a go at some copyediting if that'd be OK with you.  I'm not the best copyeditor I know but I can be helpful. Zad68 21:23, 26 July 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: Well I had intended to try to do some copyediting but, well, didn't.  Sorry!  I had a hard time internalizing the content so that I could re-present it in the desired kind of prose, and I couldn't develop the enthusiasm for really digging into the sources.  But it does look like you've made some good strides in making the information more accessible.  As always you can ask for help at WT:MED. Also I know there's the WP:GOCE although I haven't tried asking there before, and it'd be interesting if you can find someone there willing to take on a technical article like this.  It'd be ideal to find someone with particular expertise in genetic diseases but I can't think of anybody offhand.  What you might consider doing is finding a similar GA or FA quality article and find out who brought it up to that standard, and then asking that editor.  Zad68 17:08, 15 August 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: It's totally okay! No worries! I went through it myself and I'll see what the GA reviewer I get says. :) Keilana|Parlez ici 05:29, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

text: Not sure how to make it clear that there are two separate things associated with less severe phenotypes - being female and having a late onset of skin symptoms. Maybe "Less severe phenotypes are seen in women and people of both sexes who have a late onset of skin symptoms"? Keilana|Parlez ici 21:04, 26 July 2013 (UTC)

text: Individual people. I think it's clarified now. Keilana|Parlez ici 21:07, 26 July 2013 (UTC)

text: Done. Keilana|Parlez ici 21:10, 26 July 2013 (UTC)

text: Done with a couple other instances. Keilana|Parlez ici 05:47, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

text: Reworded to "Estimates of the incidence among people with the disease range from 14%–34%". Keilana|Parlez ici 05:49, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

text: I think I got all of them. Keilana|Parlez ici 06:40, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

text: I've made it prose and I think the triad is pretty clear. Keilana|Parlez ici 06:40, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

text: Done. Keilana|Parlez ici 03:16, 20 August 2013 (UTC)

text: Taken care of above. Keilana|Parlez ici 03:16, 20 August 2013 (UTC)

text: I've added a few more. Keilana|Parlez ici 05:58, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

text: Thanks so much Zad, I'll keep plugging away! If I have questions I'll hunt you down. :) I am so very grateful for the review! Best, Keilana|Parlez ici 15:57, 18 July 2013 (UTC)
replies: text: Rewrote for clarity. Keilana|Parlez ici 03:19, 20 August 2013 (UTC)
thread_title: Section-by-section comments

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thread_title:  External links modified 

message: The section near the end of this article on the NIH patient registry is short and specific only to the US; it is also non-specific to this particular condition and would apply to any rare lung diseases.  Would it be appropriate to just remove the section? Myoglobin (talk) 13:41, 27 February 2022 (UTC)
thread_title:  Remove Patient Registry section? Comment Suggestion