Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox

message: Place suggestions and self nominations for WP:TITPRS below
===Suggestion on health sentence===
;I wish to copyedit a sentence on health.
What section is your text for? 
Demographics
Would you like a Peer-Review or communal edits in a Sandbox?
Both but mainly peer-review
Please add Current Version of Text:
India has higher rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% in year 2007) than any other country in the world.
Please add your proposed edits:
India has the highest rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) in the world.
or
India has rates of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) higher than any country in the world.
Other comments by author:
The two references citing this sentence don't say the same thing. The Timesonline article states Almost 46 per cent of Indian children under the age of 3 suffer from malnutrition ... compares with about 35 per cent in sub-Saharan Africa and only 8 per cent in China while the World Bank article says parts of rural India have poverty rates comparable to borderline "failed states," such as Haiti and Nigeria, and have child malnutrition rates higher than any country in the world.
So even my sentences don't clarify the distinction. The under the age of three comparison is not for the whole world and the general child malnutrition sentence only says "parts of rural India." I think the best solution would be to split the sentence into two so each citation supports what it says and not what it half-says. Merging the two differents point into one is misleading. GizzaDiscuss © 23:08, 14 October 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: It is on page 1, ie. the first page after the Roman numberals. GizzaDiscuss © 03:09, 15 October 2007 (UTC)
thread_title: Suggestions for [[Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox]]

message: ;I wish to copyedit a sentence on health.
What section is your text for? 
Demographics
Would you like a Peer-Review or communal edits in a Sandbox?
Both but mainly peer-review
Please add Current Version of Text:
India has higher rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% in year 2007) than any other country in the world.
Please add your proposed edits:
India has the highest rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) in the world.
or
India has rates of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) higher than any country in the world.
Other comments by author:
The two references citing this sentence don't say the same thing. The Timesonline article states Almost 46 per cent of Indian children under the age of 3 suffer from malnutrition ... compares with about 35 per cent in sub-Saharan Africa and only 8 per cent in China while the World Bank article says parts of rural India have poverty rates comparable to borderline "failed states," such as Haiti and Nigeria, and have child malnutrition rates higher than any country in the world.
So even my sentences don't clarify the distinction. The under the age of three comparison is not for the whole world and the general child malnutrition sentence only says "parts of rural India." I think the best solution would be to split the sentence into two so each citation supports what it says and not what it half-says. Merging the two differents point into one is misleading. GizzaDiscuss © 23:08, 14 October 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: It is on page 1, ie. the first page after the Roman numberals. GizzaDiscuss © 03:09, 15 October 2007 (UTC)
thread_title: Suggestion on health sentence

message: *Comments by :
Just a note for reference.  This issue was brought up first in this talk page discussion.  There are a number of references there. Fowler&fowler«Talk» 02:41, 15 October 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: It is on page 1, ie. the first page after the Roman numberals. GizzaDiscuss © 03:09, 15 October 2007 (UTC)
thread_title: Comments by reviewers: