Talk:Bellman joke

message: The example joke provided does not at all seem to match the description preceding. Qermaq (talk) 00:13, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
replies: text: Indeed.. In fact, I never heard that one. I'll write one that's more famous. -- Henriok (talk) 21:01, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
thread_title:  Example 

message: We have these jokes in the U.S., but all the examples of Bellman jokes I've read so far would, in the U.S., be directed at an "ethnic minority":  "Polacks", "Aggies" (alumni of Texas A & M), blondes, and so forth.  Vice President Dan Quayle (under the George H.W. Bush administration, 1988-1992) was also cast in this sort of Bellman role.  Sometimes simply "<ethnic>" or a fictional ethnicity (Elbonians, etc.) will be substituted.  However, I know a few jokes of this style which seem to be closer to the idea of Bellman as trickster, although they could be offensive to people who identified with his victims.
# A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan (Bellman), and a Mexican were trapped in a hot-air balloon that was rapidly losing altitude.   After releasing all ballast and throwing all other items out of the basket it became clear that the only way for some of the party to survive would be for one of them to sacrifice himself.  Bravely, the Englishman stepped onto the edge. “God save the Queen!” he saluted, and leapt to his death. However, the balloon continued to lose altitude.  The Frenchman steeled himself. “Vive la France!” he saluted, and leapt as well.Nevertheless, the balloon continued to fall too rapidly.  Finally, Bellman gathered his courage. “Remember the Alamo!” he announced, and tossed the Mexican overboard.
# In 1972, the U.S. decided to pursue a policy of closer diplomatic ties to Communist China, exploiting a rift between China and the Soviet Union.  A high level diplomatic mission was arranged with President Nixon, Henry Kissinger, Pope Paul VI, and Bellman (sometimes identified as a boy scout or a hippy such as Timothy Leary, whom Nixon would identify as “the most dangerous man in America” and would otherwise have been in prison) being carried on a military transport to Beijing (which we still called “Peking” at the time).  However, the airplane developed severe mechanical difficulties (it got hit by a Russian missile) and the crew of the plane:  Pilot, Co-pilot, and Navigator decided that the best course would have been to abandon ship, if they had enough parachutes, but the plane only carried parachutes for the crew.  Therefore they proposed that the passengers decide among themselves who would take each of the three parachutes while they went down with the ship.“I'm leader of the free world, the most powerful and important man on Earth,” announced Nixon,“I'm taking a parachute.”  So doing, and strapping it on, he leapt from the plane.“I am the most intelligent man on Earth,” stated Kissinger, “there is no way the world can survive without me; therefore, I shall take a parachute,” and strapping one on, he leapt from the plane as well.Pope Paul looked at Bellman.“I've lived a long life,” said the priest, “stood firm in the face of grave opposition; perhaps I've accomplished all God requires of me.  You take the parachute, try to live a better life, and go with God's blessing.”“That's very kind of you, Your Holiness,” replied Bellman, strapping on a parachute, “but actually, it isn't necessary.  The most intelligent man on Earth took my backpack.”
# In the early 1990s, the number of Californians moving to Colorado caused them, as a class, to replace Texans as the least appreciated newcomers or visitors to Colorado.  (Previously the observation had been, “If God had intended Texans to ski, he would have made cow manure white.”)  One day a Texan, a Californian, and a Coloradan (Bellman) were out on hunting trip in the mountains.  That evening around the campfire the Texan, as Texans are wont, decided to do a little showing off.  Pulling out a bottle of tequila, he uncorked it, took a single swig, and tossed the bottle high into the air above the campfire.  Drawing a pearl-handled revolver, he shot the bottle, causing liquor and glass to rain into the fire.  As the fire flared, the Californian and Bellman were indeed impressed, but also aghast.“Why did you do that?” they cried.  “What a waste of tequila!"“T’weren’t nothin’,” replied the Texan.  “There's plenty of that where I come from.”The Californian decided he wouldn't be outdone, so he uncorked a bottle of Ernest and Julio Gallo, took his swig, and tossed the bottle high into the air.  Drawing his Uzi submachinegun, the Californian released a spray of bullets which shattered the bottle, raining wine and glass onto Bellman and the fire.  This time it was the Texan's turn to join in the consternation.“Pity to waste good wine,” he said.“Nah,” replied the Californian, “there's plenty more of that where I come from.”Meanwhile, Bellman was checking his shotgun making sure it was clean and properly loaded.  Then he watched the fire for a while, but finally came to a decision.  Pulling a bottle of Coors out of the cooler, he opened it and drained the bottle.  He tossed the bottle high above his own head, and while the Texan and Californian watched it, he leveled the shotgun and emptied both barrels into the Californian.The Texan screamed, “What the hell did you do that for?!” but Bellman just said,“There's plenty more of those where I come from.”“Besides,” he added as he caught the bottle, “this is actually worth a nickel.”
—Wzboff (talk) 10:14, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
thread_title:  US Analogues