Talk:Tenpō

message: I will focus my attention on each section and then the work as a whole:
Your introduction does a good job of setting up what the rest of the article is going to discuss! It got me asking questions and wanting to know more. My suggestion, and I know this is a little intimidating when considering the idea of editing someone else's work, is to move your introduction to the top of the article. It doesn't matter if you incorporate the previous material into your own work or not, but as the work stands it looks like someone put bonus information above the actual introduction by accident. 
The Great Tenpo Famine section left me feeling more informed but craving more details. I know that these are sometimes hard to come by, but if they were available for use some of the following details would really add to the section: 
-How many approximate, or exactly, died of starvation? The percentage figures are useful but could be more informative with exact figures on population. 
-How many died of illness due to famine and starvation? Again, these figures would only be useful supplements, they are not compulsory. 
-If these previous figures were not mentioned or there wasn't any conclusive data to back specific death counts for starvation and illness, a broader number representing the total number of deaths would be an informative addition to this section. 
The Oshio Heihachiro Rebellion was very interesting! As a whole I would suggest relabeling this section just 'Rebellion' as it addresses both the Oshio Heihachiro Rebellion as well as another led by Ikuta Yurozo. Also, to be more specific, I'm curious if there's a separate article on just the first rebellion listed in the first paragraph! If not...it might be good to boarder this name with brackets to indicate this presence or lack of an article. For example: Oshio Heihachiro Rebellion. As for the second paragraph, I'm curious if there is a specific name for this rebellion as well as details on where exactly it happened. I know its probably very obvious, but one of the statements made in this last paragraph was that the rebellion met "devastating results." What are these devastating results? 
The Morrison Incident was very interesting! It only felt a little awkward and out of place because there was no initial mention of it in the introduction or connection of it with previous material. It was very interesting and left a lot of implications...but I wasn't too sure if these implications were intentional or not. One of the perceptions might be that because of the industrial accomplishments of Japan it was able to achieve such a feet? But I don't know if this was what you were trying to get across or if this was meant simply to be an informative addition to the article.
I really liked the Tenpo Reforms section, especially considering the economic background of my own article! I know this was done earlier, but I would link Mizuno Tadakuni's name again (with the   brackets) in this section. But this is more opinionated than necessary! The daimyo are mentioned in this section, to state the obvious, and I personally am familiar with the term, but I think that, because most readers aren't as familiar with Japanese terms as we are ;), this word should be briefly defined or linked to another article. My final critique on this section is on the last sentence. There are actually two things:
-1. You state that "historians may view". My perception is that you are either trying to say "some historians view..." or you are stating an opinion...which in this case is probably fine but encase this was not your intention I thought I'd point it out! ^^
-2. This may not apply, especially if you were stating an opinion because it would serve as support for that opinion (and opinions are for democracy not Wikipedia LOL). Like an earlier comment I made in the section you wrote on Rebellion, the answer is kind of obvious but this sentence leaves the question 'Why would historians see this as a shift to modernization of Japan's economy?' You could fix this by either elaborating or beginning the sentence with "All this considered.." or "Because of this..." or whatever you think would sound best! 
I hope that I was constructive in my criticism and gave you some ideas for expansion and/or improvement of this article! Awesome job and I look forward to your opinions and criticisms on my contribution! LingYao12 (talk) 21:23, 20 November 2012 (UTC)
thread_title:  Peer-Review 

message: In a whole, the article does explain what Tenpō is for a person, such as myself, who had never encountered such a word before. It is apparent that this era had some significance with the events that occurred, however I suggest that there should be more references to the previous and future eras and as well the effect that this era had or by how much it was affected. By adding these references, the article could feel like it flows in Japanese history a little better than being a stand-alone concept.
The first lines that introduce the topic seem somewhat choppy and incoherent, so perhaps the introduction could be merged with it. The bullet note immediately under the heading “Change of era” is not a bad idea as a way to visualize the course of the events that took place during this era, so therefore perhaps a detailed timeline could be added to one point of the article that highlights all mentioned events. 
The article in its current state could use more details, but I imagine that this is a work in progress. That being said, some details could perhaps assist in improving the article. For example, it is not entirely clear what happened in the Morrison Incident and what its significance was. Maybe this could branch into more details about Japanese and American relations at the time.
Another thought is to add a category about foreign relations of Japan during the time, or if the country was isolationist, then maybe explain about that ideology at the time.
Perhaps in the rebellion section, for example, there could be subcategories to explain what happened, what this resulted in, and what caused this event to occur.
I hope my suggestions lead to some help! Vanstraiten (talk) 01:32, 21 November 2012 (UTC)
thread_title: Second Peer-Review 

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