Talk:Hypospermia

message: The group which has edited this article has added a wealth of knowledge and significantly improved the page. Looking at the history prior to editing began, the article is unrecognizable in a good way! What started off as three paragraphs has turned into dozens of thoughtfully written, properly cited bundles of information. The group had ambitious goals for the article and it seems that they are close to meeting them. I can only imagine that they will accomplish goals that they hadn't even considered prior to the start of the assignment. N. Piri, UCSF Pharmacy Student (talk) 22:05, 2 August 2021 (UTC)
thread_title:  Peer Review by Group 21 

message: The article tends to generally follow Wikipedia's manual of style well with some improvements that can easily be made. 
==== Grammar ====
Run on sentences such as "For an example, drugs like spironolactone, cimetidine, and ketoconazole, which have an anti-androgenic effect can disrupt androgens in the glands and seminal tract and cause in a drop of overall production of seminal fluid and semen volume," can be broken up or restructured. Furthermore, certain words can be replaced with better options.
==== Inclusive Language ====
In the introduction, the word 'man' is used which does not encompass the entirety of people who might be affected by hypospermia. I suggest finding a more inclusive term to use here. 
==== Lack of Subheadings ====
The article can be made much easier to navigate and follow by creating subheadings for each topic. For example, instead of numbering the causes, separate them by subheading so that readers might navigate to them by using the table of contents. Separate the paragraphs in 'Lifestyle Factors' with subheadings as well. These are two examples of where subheadings belong, but there could be as many as twenty or more subheadings added to make the article easier to navigate. N. Piri, UCSF Pharmacy Student (talk) 21:46, 2 August 2021 (UTC)
thread_title:  Manual of style 

message: The article can be made much easier to navigate and follow by creating subheadings for each topic. For example, instead of numbering the causes, separate them by subheading so that readers might navigate to them by using the table of contents. Separate the paragraphs in 'Lifestyle Factors' with subheadings as well. These are two examples of where subheadings belong, but there could be as many as twenty or more subheadings added to make the article easier to navigate. N. Piri, UCSF Pharmacy Student (talk) 21:46, 2 August 2021 (UTC)
thread_title:  Lack of Subheadings 

message: Are the article's recent edits accordant with Wikipedia's peer review Guiding Framework?
* Comprehensible  - please clarify terms that a lay audience would not know such as "prostatic involvement", "glutathione peroxidase-1", and "ROS production".
* Concise  - please fix wordy sentences such as "Following this molecular screening step, if variants of the CFTR gene are detected, the work of the geneticist will consist, using computer databases, in distinguishing whether this...."
* Balanced  
* Neutral  - see section below
* Well-sourced  - uses high quality systematic reviews and meta analyzes. 
NP94925 (talk) 05:47, 3 August 2021 (UTC)
thread_title: Peer Review by NP94925