Wikipedia talk:Mediation Cabal/Cases/2007-04-23 Taylor Allderdice High School/archive2

message: Because there have been disputed edits during the discussion, I am placing a  tag on the section in question.  While I can not and would not prevent anyone from making edits during this mediation, I would ask that from this point on we wait until the discussion comes to a conclusion prior to making any major edits.  This is merely for the sake of keeping the discussion focused.  Thanks! Arkyan • (talk) 22:44, 24 May 2007 (UTC)
thread_title:  Major edits during mediation 

message: Is it worth refactoring the page?  I agree with User:0-0-0-Destruct-0 that this page is getting cumbersome in places.  Hiding Talk  14:55, 25 May 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: *Archiving the first sections may be a good idea, I'll see what I can do. Arkyan • (talk) 15:25, 25 May 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: *Ok, the first part is now archived.  If everyone agrees to move forward to the suggestion below I'll probably archive a second batch shortly. Arkyan • (talk) 15:37, 25 May 2007 (UTC)
thread_title:  Refactoring 

message: Up above Neigel made a proposal that I think may have gotten lost.  He proposed:
:*Anyway, before this was proposed I was thinking in a rewording of the phrase, I think we can use it if some likes it. It is the following: <quote>As "The student newspaper of Taylor Allderdice High School,"(note 1) the school web site cites a scan from  The Foreward and so documenting the school's fund raising efforts, the school board's politics, and the school's prosecution of "the war on drugs in school" and security environment where authorities' surveillance of the student body via cameras extends beyond the school campus "even as far as Pittock" Street. (note 2)</quote> "Note x" refers to the <ref> tags; I removed them in purpose just for showing it here (so the talk page doesn't get full of little [1]s).
::*I've already noted above that there was a consensus on the talk page about using the security camera element, it was decided it added undue weight to a portion of the smallest article on the scanned page, but I think there's merit here.  If I can tweak slightly, how about:
::*<quote>As "The student newspaper of Taylor Allderdice High School,"(note 1) the school web site presents a scan from The Foreward, so documenting the school's fund raising efforts, the school board's politics, and the school's prosecution of "the war on drugs in school". (note 2)</quote>  I think the choice of the word so is perhaps the best one suggested.  Thoughts? Hiding Talk  19:27, 25 May 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: *I think Hiding makes good suggestions here. If I've been construed as wanting to fall on my sword over keeping the "in order to" logic then I apologize that I haven't been making myself clear enough. I want to convey that there is an author here using material in his/its work, namely the web site. I think the way Hiding proposes using the word "so" strikes just the right note. Combining that with the idea Hiding expresses above: "we rather write 'uses the scanned page which documents' " I propose this combination: "As 'The student newspaper of Taylor Allderdice High School,'(note 1) the school uses a scan from The Foreword on its web site, so documenting the school's fund raising efforts, the school board's politics, and the school's prosecution of 'the war on drugs in school' (note 2)." I think I've been consistent for six months in asking that we always indicate human agency when the sources allow it, along with the objects of that agency. 0-0-0-Destruct-0 23:19, 25 May 2007 (UTC)
thread_title: Neigel's proposal