Wikipedia talk:Requests for adminship/Barneca

message: Barneca's edit stats using "wannabe Kate" tool as of 15:48, 12 September 2007 (UTC)

message: What started as a brief discussion on my RfA of some of the times I tried to resolve a dispute has turned pretty verbose.  So I moved it here.  This is some additional information on my attempts, with varying levels of success, at mediation/DR. --barneca (talk) 22:06, 12 September 2007 (UTC)
thread_title:  Dispute resolution 

message: === General timeline ===
*Here's my  first comment at Agüeybaná's RfA, which is absolutely not based on his personal views.
*I sent an email to Agüeybaná, expressing an additional concern I had, specifically stating I was not going to bring it up at his RfA, specifically stating that I would not bring it up in a future RfA, specifically stating that I would not oppose a future RfA based on it, specifically stating that I could be wrong, and specifically stating he was welcome to completely ignore me if he felt it wasn't any of my business.
*I received an email from Agüeybaná that was unprofessional, insulting, and immature.  He also left a message on my talk page telling me not to divulge his email on-wiki.
*I replied that I wouldn't do so (my second statement of that fact), but would change my comment at his RfA.  I sent a similarly-worded email at about the same time.
*I changed to strong oppose, based on the fact that I was now much more concerned.
*He sent me an email saying I'm a racist, completely uncalled for.  Needless to say, I strongly disagree with this characterization.
*A little torqued off, I replied, told him not to email me any more, told him that any further emails from him would no longer be considered private, and (because I mistakenly thought this email was private) used an expletive.  I never said that previous emails would be published.
*After a little more time and a little more voting, he withdrew his RfA, saying that his "privacy is in jeopardy".
*He opened the ANI thread about this.  In my reply on that thread, I re-affirmed for the third time thatI wasn't publishing anything, and wanted no further contact.
=== My analysis ===
*You'll have to take my word for it, but my first email was completely civil, and intended to be a polite way of bringing something up that, although a concern, I felt would be unfair to bring up during an RfA.  My second email was not friendly, but it was also civil.
*In retrospect, I can see how the actual act of sending that first email at that time (right about the same time it was beginning to look like the RFA might be going downhill) might have been interpreted as piling on.  If I had been 100% empathetic, I would have sent that email a few weeks later.  If I had been 100% prescient, I wouldn't have sent it at all.  However, hindsight is 20/20.  The actual content of that email was absolutely not piling on.  I also had no way of knowing more people were going to oppose soon after I did, or that he was about to withdraw his nomination, so I had no way of knowing he might be really stressed right at that moment.
*The language I used in a private email should have remained between me and Agüeybaná, and while I'm not thrilled about it getting out in public, I think it's understandable when I'm accused of being something I'm not.  I don't use language like that on-wiki.
*Telling him that future emails would no longer be considered private was my attempt to get him to stop emailing me.  I didn't get any further email from him.
*Lesson learned: I will no longer assume my emails to others are going to remain private.  I will continue to treat email that others send me as private.  Rather than ask someone to stop sending me harrassing emails, I will just ditch that email address, create a new Wikipedia email address, and temporarily disable the 'email this user' button.
*Until now (when my hand was kind of forced), the only person to publish any part of that email conversation is Agüeybaná, in the ANI thread.  I continue to be puzzled by his providing more and more "personal" information on his own, when I have not done so once, and when I have said many, many times I won't.
*I'll repeat what I said in the ANI thread.  I'm quite willing for my 3 emails to be published, without including his replies.  But it's unfair to publish portions of my last email to him without showing what led up to it.
:Comment: Well, even if it didn't include earlier e-mails, making any e-mail conversation between us public is a violation of U.S. copyright laws. Regardless of what led you to do it, you were uncivil on and off-wiki, and you seem to be unable to stay cool in disputes, which is essential for administrators of this site. I'll withdraw some of my comments, as I promised, since your explanations are somewhat valid, but I still oppose your request for adminship. --Agüeybaná 21:30, 13 September 2007 (UTC)
thread_title:  Detailed response to Agüeybaná's comments 

message: *You'll have to take my word for it, but my first email was completely civil, and intended to be a polite way of bringing something up that, although a concern, I felt would be unfair to bring up during an RfA.  My second email was not friendly, but it was also civil.
*In retrospect, I can see how the actual act of sending that first email at that time (right about the same time it was beginning to look like the RFA might be going downhill) might have been interpreted as piling on.  If I had been 100% empathetic, I would have sent that email a few weeks later.  If I had been 100% prescient, I wouldn't have sent it at all.  However, hindsight is 20/20.  The actual content of that email was absolutely not piling on.  I also had no way of knowing more people were going to oppose soon after I did, or that he was about to withdraw his nomination, so I had no way of knowing he might be really stressed right at that moment.
*The language I used in a private email should have remained between me and Agüeybaná, and while I'm not thrilled about it getting out in public, I think it's understandable when I'm accused of being something I'm not.  I don't use language like that on-wiki.
*Telling him that future emails would no longer be considered private was my attempt to get him to stop emailing me.  I didn't get any further email from him.
*Lesson learned: I will no longer assume my emails to others are going to remain private.  I will continue to treat email that others send me as private.  Rather than ask someone to stop sending me harrassing emails, I will just ditch that email address, create a new Wikipedia email address, and temporarily disable the 'email this user' button.
*Until now (when my hand was kind of forced), the only person to publish any part of that email conversation is Agüeybaná, in the ANI thread.  I continue to be puzzled by his providing more and more "personal" information on his own, when I have not done so once, and when I have said many, many times I won't.
*I'll repeat what I said in the ANI thread.  I'm quite willing for my 3 emails to be published, without including his replies.  But it's unfair to publish portions of my last email to him without showing what led up to it.
:Comment: Well, even if it didn't include earlier e-mails, making any e-mail conversation between us public is a violation of U.S. copyright laws. Regardless of what led you to do it, you were uncivil on and off-wiki, and you seem to be unable to stay cool in disputes, which is essential for administrators of this site. I'll withdraw some of my comments, as I promised, since your explanations are somewhat valid, but I still oppose your request for adminship. --Agüeybaná 21:30, 13 September 2007 (UTC)
thread_title:  My analysis