Talk:Andrea Berloff

message: ğğğğ7  — Preceding unsigned comment added by 78.191.151.16 (talk) 17:41, 9 December 2011 (UTC)
thread_title: Untitled

message: These are all the sources I found that mention and discuss Andrea Berloff's work:  — Preceding unsigned comment added by ALX-2187 (talk • contribs) 00:38, 3 February 2016 (UTC)
thread_title:  Bibliography and Works Cited for Andrea Berloff 

message: First off, you have a great article! You gathered a lot of information and applied it well - readers will definitely get a well-rounded understanding of who and what Andrea Berloff has done/will do.
However, I would only make a few minor changes to your article:
- The introduction of the article could be shortened so it doesn't include information about her most notable films, since you discuss them later on in the "Writing" section. I think just the title would suffice. For example, I would condense the second sentence in the introduction to read from this 'She wrote the script for World Trade Center, a historical drama about the September 11, 2001 attacks, and co-wrote the 2015 biographical drama Straight Outta Compton, based on the early history and rise to prominence of the rap group N.W.A' to this 'She is probably most known for writing World Trade Center and co-writing Straight Outta Compton.'
- I would also edit the article to make it more clear and concise. For example, "In 1997, she starred in an independent film called Growth, a film produced by the Tisch School of the Arts and was directed by Joel Hopkins. Berloff played a minor role as the nameless sister" could be condensed into one sentence. Perhaps something along the lines of this: "In 1997, she played the role of the nameless sister in the Tisch School of the Arts produced film Growth, directed by Joel Hopkins." There are several other times where this condensing can be applied (such as in the film descriptions of World Trade Center and Straight Outta Compton).
- The last thing I would look over is the "Future Works in Development Section." I think I would just include those 2 small paragraphs into the "writing" section of the document since they are somewhat old (2006 and 2013 is not that recent), and since she has done more prominent work since then, I think that whole section could be put under the "writing" header.
As I said, these are minor details/changes, but (I believe) they can improve your article and its readability for the Wiki community. Good job!
--Typeandrun (talk) 23:11, 12 March 2016 (UTC)
thread_title:  Peer Review 

message: Hey ALX-2187! 
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your article on Andrea Berloff. Your article is a well-researched and interesting compilation of information that successfully offers readers a clear understanding of Berloff’s life and accomplishments. I also really liked that you included super brief synopses of the films she wrote, acted in, and produced. It helped contextualize your information and provide an idea of the types of films Berloff chooses to engage with/work on. With that said, here are a couple of suggestions that I think could help develop your article:
-First and foremost, make sure that you include citations for all your facts so that readers can immediately consult the sources that you found your information on. For example, a fact like “Upon graduating high school, Berloff moved to New York and attended Cornell University to study drama,” would requires a citation. By including citations for all your facts, you would not have worry about the Wikipedia community questioning the soundness of your statements. This is especially important considering that Berloff is still living. 
- Secondly, make sure to go over your article and revise some elements of grammar/syntax/phrasing. For example, the sentence “In preparation for writing the script, Berloff conducted much research before initially writing” can be simply changed to “Berloff conducted much research before writing the script.” Also, make sure to clarify some sentences like: “In 2006, Berloff, along with Mona Mansour, made her playwriting debut writing the play Girl Scouts of America.” Was it also Mona Mansour’s writing debut? Or was Berloff only collaborating with her?
-Lastly, in terms of formatting you could present Berloff’s filmography in a chart. The way it is currently presented is definitely clear and organized but, if you wanted to experiment with formatting, a chart would be a great element to include.
Great job and good luck!!
 HereBeDragons94 (talk) 23:01, 15 March 2016 (UTC)
thread_title:  Peer Review by HereBeDragons94