Talk:Abortion-breast cancer hypothesis/GA Review 1

message: This'll be a long review, I felt compelled to give a thorough critique of this article. Basically, the lead is pretty much good, reference four could probably do with a non-PP cite for neutrality purposes, but I don't think that's too terrible a problem considering that the fact being referenced doesn't seem silly. I figured i'd start with the lead because that's about the best thing this article has going for it, and now for my long list of problems I have identified:
*"When pro-life advocates link abortion to breast cancer, some claim that the goal is to stop women from having an induced abortion. Because breast cancer elicits disproportionate fear in women,[16] there exists the concern that pro-lifers use it as a scare tactic." "Some claim"? I think its fairly self-explanatory that if the advocates are pro-life, the goal is to convince women to not have an abortion, I don't think there's a need to find claimants for that. The second sentence is very non-neutral and not cited adequatly at all, in addition to being unclear. Disproportionate in comparison to what, the proper amount of fear that a woman should have of getting Brest Cancer? Who defines that proper amount of fear? I certainly hope not some apparently 10 year old reference (Copyright 1997 at the bottom) hosted on a website which seems to be dedicated at the moment to trying to debunk global warming, and is an article written by a person who doesn't even appear to be a notable source, all there is is a name, no hint of possible qualifications is given. I'm not saying this person definenetly isn't notable and therefore this ref is definently inappropriate, but from what the ref gives, I have no reason to conclude otherwise. Also, who is concerned that it is a scare tactic, and why is it relevant? Not all scare tactics are bad.
**Removed for now. - RoyBoy 800 03:11, 3 May 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: Thanks for the detailed review Homestarmy. I'm not sure quite where we go with this as you are correct that this is a very scientifically worded article. I feel that is its strength as it explains the issue using the available data rather than quote mining from pro and anti abortion pamphlets. Its a difficult subject but I feel the only way to walk the NPOV line is to focus on the science. By lowering the language there is a real danger of stepping into OR territory with interpreting what the range and limitation of theses studies are. I personally would rather forego the GA than loose the detail and clarity that we currently have. RoyBoy is the guy who needs to consider this though as he has written most of this.  Sophia 18:24, 2 May 2007 (UTC)

text: Tremendous review, a little snarky... but I've been snarky more times and I can count doing this article. Also helps provide motivation to do something about it, responses within review for readability and traceability. Mistakes are mine, and likely the result of a lack of sleep. - RoyBoy 800 20:23, 2 May 2007 (UTC)

text: I replied to these points in reverse order, so more mistake; but it helped make it less daunting... I just scrolled up and addressed each, as best I could for now. I really appreciate the time, and obvious care you have put into reading references and double checking things. Please recognize, that while the article obviously needs some more work; I have absorbed a lot of information on the ABC issue, and that just because everything isn't attributed directly doesn't mean it is off the wall. :"D Unless it is... then um, you wrote it and forgot! Joking!!! Look forward to working further with you on this important subject. God I'm tired, insomnia picked a horrible week to strike me. - RoyBoy 800 03:11, 3 May 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: Eh, well, the article topic motivated me to really give it a thorough review, but it's only the second time i've done a review that identifies so much, ordinarily, I stop reviewing most articles and just give the fail when I haven't even made a list half this long :/. And then, the first time, I did only start out with like the top third of American Civil War, but then when someone surprisingly fixed everything, I was obliged to do the whole thing, and that was like the size of three of these reviews, so I guess i'm getting more proficient at really going at articles now. Homestarmy 22:39, 2 May 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: I'll say! Thanks again Homestarmy, hopefully you'll stick around a bit for continued feedback. - RoyBoy 800 03:11, 3 May 2007 (UTC)
replies: text: I would call in another person to help, because i'm not actually amazingly proficient at reviewing things when science is too deeply involved, (It's just most of the errors so far didn't seem to have to do with the science as much as how it was being presented in the article) but I don't know any GA reviewers who do much with these kinds of articles.... Homestarmy 16:07, 3 May 2007 (UTC)