Talk:Chorea

message: It would nice if this page discussed the phrase "St. Vitus Dance," since the disambig page points to this page.  The Vitus page, on the other hand, says St. Vitus Dance refers to epilepsy...?  Afabbro 19:50, 25 May 2007 (UTC)
thread_title: Choreia (disease)

message: Choreia is not a disease; it's a "disorder". This means it's a description of a problem, which can be caused by any number of things. A disease is a single ailment caused by a specific thing. The article name needs to be changed. --Kaz (talk) 17:29, 24 February 2011 (UTC)
replies: text: Please see move discussion below. Dubbinu | t 16:58, 13 December 2011 (UTC)
thread_title:  Bad Article Name 

message: A Google search yields 2.4 million results for "Chorea" and only 0.1 million results for "Choreia". Also, several major medical entities use the "Chorea" spelling:
NIH: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/chorea/chorea.htm
MayoClinic: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/huntingtons-disease/DS00401/DSECTION=symptoms
I propose that the spelling of the title be corrected to match common usage.
173.170.198.38 (talk) 20:57, 9 September 2011 (UTC)
replies: text: Please see move discussion below Dubbinu | t 16:58, 13 December 2011 (UTC)
thread_title:  Title spelled incorrectly? 

message: Thanks to Vegaswikian for these moves. I have adjusted details as necessary at the DAB page, and fixed hatnotes at the moved articles. NoeticaTea? 06:23, 18 December 2011 (UTC)
thread_title: Comments after the recent move

message: Hi. You’re article has some good information, but is mostly lacking in its syntax and punctuation. Here are the things that stuck out to me as I read through your article:
*Your introductory section is very good, but could be expanded if you had some more relevant information that provides an overview. If there isn’t much more information available for this section, then I would leave it as is because it provides some good information.
*The presentation section is also good when it comes to information, but I would consider trying to consolidate this because it is broken into several paragraphs. Otherwise, I realize the paragraphs don’t really fit entirely together, so you may also consider just adding some more information to each paragraph so it doesn’t appear so choppy. 
*Next, in the causes section, I have a couple of suggestions. The third bullet says that chorea gravidarum is a rare type of chorea with is a complication of pregnancy. Since this is under the “causes” section, I would like to know what actually causes this to happen. Obviously, pregnancy does not cause this condition; some complication does. So what is the complication? There are a few others listed here you could also apply the same question to, such as Wilson’s disease. Expanding on some of these and providing an explanation could really beef up your article.
*In your Types of Chorea section, there were several things I noticed. First, each time you talk about a different “type” of chorea, you should make that a subheading. For example, at the start, you say huntington’s chorea, but it is not in subtitle format. If you don’t know how to do this, check out the wiki markup cheatsheet, found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Welcome2WP_English_Flap_081810.pdf
Also in this section, you have nothing hyperlinked to other pages. This is something you should do to make it easy for your readers to quickly define something they don’t know much about. For example, you talk about genetics early on, and you could link some terms like “dominant trait” that the typical reader might not understand. 
*Next, you have several grammatical errors in the entire “types of cholera” section. Many of your commas are inappropriately placed and are very distracting. For example, in your sentence that reads “Generally, the choreic movements accompanied by the mental disorder, do not skip a generation, making it a dominant trait, so people affected with this disease must choose their spouses accordingly,” you have an unnecessary comma between “disorder” and “do.” In the next sentence, “Along with the generic traits of Chorea such as: the progressive tremors in […],” you include a colon that should not be included. You should not include a colon when the sentence flows well without it. If your sentence read “[…] the following generic traits of Chorea: progressive tremors […],” then the colon would belong. Also, you have some major syntax errors in this section. An example of this is found in the same sentence I mentioned previously: “Along with the generic traits of Chorea such as: the progressive tremors in that effect the head and limbs tremors, the symptoms occurring in later life, and usually increasing mental deterioration, Huntington’s Chorea can consist of all or just some of these traits to varying degrees.” This is a run-on sentence that doesn’t make any sense. I would encourage you to break this sentence up into a couple of different sentences. There are numerous grammatical errors that I noticed in this section, and I would encourage you to use basic editing techniques to correct these errors. One technique that I would use would be reading the section aloud to a friend. This is a great way to pick up on errors that you may have missed the first time through.
*Next, I will examine the content of the “types of chorea” section. In the first sentence, you write, “Chorea is inherited, usually from generation to generation.” You don’t need to include “usually from generation to generation” in this sentence because all things inherited never skip a generation. If you mean that the phenotype is usually displayed from generation to generation, you should clarify that. But to say that something is “inherited, usually from generation to generation,” is very redundant because it is impossible for an inherited gene to “skip” a generation and then show up in another. I think you intend to say the phenotype usually shows up in every generation, but you should make this clear. In your second sentence, you write that it is a dominant trait, and then state that affected persons should choose their spouses accordingly. This doesn’t make much sense from a biological standpoint. Obviously, someone who displays the trait should not mate with someone else who displays the trait, but in a disorder with low prevalence (which I am assuming this has), most people won’t have to worry about choosing an appropriate mate. If this trait were a recessive trait, such as sickle cell anemia or cystic fibrosis, then you would want carriers to choose spouses accordingly. In your fourth sentence, you use the term “strains of families.” I am unsure of what this phrase or sentence means in general. You also contradict yourself at the end of this sentence when you write, “based on its lack of [sic] heritability.” In the previous sentence, you said it is a dominant trait and you mentioned earlier that it passes from generation to generation, which would mean it has a high heritability. So this contradiction is confusing. When you list several accompanying diseases in your sixth sentence and use the term “feeble mindedness.” “Feeble mindedness” was a term used in the late 1800s-1920s that is similar to our modern phrase of “mental handicap.” To be politically correct, you should consider changing “feeble mindedness” to a more appropriate term. In your last sentence you say “this information leads us to believe […].” You should try to leave personal pronouns such as us, we, I, me, etc. out of your article. Encyclopedia articles should be written in 3rd person format.
*In the next paragraph of the “types of chorea” section, I am concerned about your syntax because it really threw me off. In your second sentence, “this type is increasingly rare and it may be partially due to penicillin, improved social conditions, and/or a natural reduction in the virus it has stemmed from,” you lead readers to believe that the type of chorea is caused by penicillin, improved social conditions, etc. You should reword the start of this sentence to “this type is becoming increasingly rare due to penicillin, improved social conditions, […].” This makes it clear to the reader what you mean. Again, in your fourth sentence, you use an unnecessary colon and you should not start your sentence with “they include […].” Instead, write this: “The psychological symptoms include emotional liability, obsessive-compulsive behavior, […].”
*In your final paragraph in this section, you state a statistic from 1900. I think you should try to find a more relevant and recent statistic rather than using one from over 100 years ago. This is especially true in an article about medicine, where the technology and knowledge has increased dramatically over the past 100 years. You also say “an average 1 in 300 cases were recorded.” This makes it sound like only 1 of 300 occurring cases was noted. After reading the source that you included, I think you actually mean 1 case for every 300 births was reported. This is the prevalence rate; 1 out of 300 births. But again, I don’t think the prevalence rate in 1900 is relevant to this article.
*I also notice that throughout the article you occasionally capitalize chorea. This should not be done because chorea is not a proper noun.
At this point, I think you get the idea of the major errors in your article. Probably 95% of the problems in this article are syntax or grammar. By using common editing techniques and perhaps printing your article and having some more friends peer review for you, I think your article will be greatly improved! MSederberg21 (talk) 06:13, 30 April 2014 (UTC)
thread_title: Peer reviews for Wiki Initiative project

message: — Assignment last updated by Ericksmd3839 (talk) 20:00, 9 November 2022 (UTC)
thread_title: Wiki Education assignment: Epidemiology ENPH 450