Talk:Chris DeWolfe

message: Hello, I'm requesting edits to this article in hopes of bringing it up-to-date and removing material that could contribute to the "advertisement" banner at the top of the article. Disclosure: I am here with a financial conflict of interest on behalf of Chris DeWolfe and Jam City through my work with Beutler Ink. 
Anyone interested in reviewing my proposed draft can see it in my userspace (you can also see a diff I made comparing it to the live version).
The live article lacks structure and lumps everything together under Career. You'll see my draft organizes the article with section headings for Early life and education; Career, which is divided in Myspace and Jam City; Recognition; Other roles; and Personal life. I sought to remove some material that may contribute to the "advertisement" banner at the top of the page, such as excessive info on Myspace's music initiatives in the introduction and a list of publications that have profiled Mr. DeWolfe. I trimmed the intro to focus on what makes Mr. DeWolfe notable, and moved some material from the intro into the body of the article. I made copy edits for clarity. I rewrote material on Jam City to show how Mr. DeWolfe co-founded the company and provided some insight into the firm's growth under Mr. DeWolfe over the years. I cleaned up information about Mr. DeWolfe's other roles, added a brief Personal life section, and removed unsourced material.
I keep my Wikipedia contributions where I have a financial conflict of interest on Talk pages rather than directly edit entries, so I'm looking for editors who might be willing to review my request and update the article as they feel is appropriate.  Since you reviewed requests for the Jam City article, I do wonder if this may interest you as well? If you prefer we work through this section-by-section, I'm happy to collaborate that way. However, this is a rather short, straightforward article so I thought reviewers may like to see my full draft up front. Please ping me if you have any questions or feedback. I am happy to collaborate. Thank you in advance, Danilo Two (talk) 12:24, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
replies: text: Thanks, IceWelder. I'll see if I can find a better source to cite and update my draft. Danilo Two (talk) 20:04, 19 May 2021 (UTC)
replies: text: Me again. I updated my draft to replace NNDB with Fortune via CNN Money. Danilo Two (talk) 20:36, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

text: Looks doable but everything in the "Jam City" section starting from "DeWolfe's firm acquired several mobile gaming companies ..." seems to be pertaining only (or mostly) to the company rather than DeWolfe. The text is devoid of any mention of his involvement. Should I publish the draft without this content first, looking at potential expansion later? IceWelder [✉] 13:58, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
replies: text:  Fair question. My thought was that this article could give a brief overview Jam City's growth, given that Mr. DeWolfe has been a leader of the company as its co-founder and CEO. I wonder if it might help alleviate your concern if "DeWolfe's firm acquired several mobile gaming companies ..." began with a phrase such as, " acquired several mobile gaming companies ..." or similar. What do you think? Danilo Two (talk) 14:24, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
replies: text:  This could do if the content was condensed (i.e. not 50+% of the section, maybe one or two sentences). Individual investments and licenses on which certain games are based do not appear to be that relevant and do not really aid the reader. Consider something along the lines of "Under DeWolfe's leadership, the company (grew to [# employees/studios/...]) (became valued [valuation] with [revenue/profit/...] in revenue) (produced games such as [...])." IceWelder [✉] 14:51, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
replies: text: Great idea. I'll go back into the draft and work that up. Hope you don't mind a friendly ping when I've done that. Danilo Two (talk) 14:56, 10 June 2021 (UTC)

text:  I updated my draft here based on your feedback. How does it look now? Danilo Two (talk) 15:44, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
replies: text:  Definitely better. . One thing I had to change (outside of general wikification) was the birth year as it was unsourced. I assume it was originally taken from NNDB, which cites a The New York Times article that itself does not contain that year, just an age-as-of-publication. I added a birth year approximation based on that article. Regards, IceWelder [✉] 16:13, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
replies: text: Thank you for collaborating on this! That makes sense about the birth year. I'll let you know if I spot any other tweaks if needed. Danilo Two (talk) 16:49, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
thread_title:  Edit request: New draft available