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Well, I am giong to follow my "train of thought" for at least twenty minutes. I wonder if I should do this assignment yet, I just added the class, and havent even been yet. Well, there doesn't seem to be a right or wrong way to do it, and I have the time now. This is my first assignment in college. I want to do well on it. I am very comfortable right now, although I know that won't last long. After this I am giong to LHB practice, and its about 100 degrees outside. I remember back in high school when I used to love band practice. Now it just seems like a chore, something I am doing for my parents. I'll do it though, and for as long as they want me to. I was in a bad mood all day, until about 30 min ago, when I finally got to add this class. This is the one class that I really wanted, but couldnt get, until now. I want to major in psychology, and then maybe do law school, if I have the energy. I would also like to be an astronaut. I try to set very high goals for myself, because right now, no doors have been closed. I still have the opportunity to do whatever I want, be whatever I want. I realized last night that if I wanted to, I could just leave austin and take a bus, or drive to California, and just live my life out there by the ocean, poor, but with no responsibilities. It is actually pretty tempting. I would never do it though, I guess because I know it is not a smart thing to do. I am really enjoying this, I didn't know it would be so easy. Speaking of big goals, I also would like to research time travel. I am not convinced it is impossible. I did a report on the possibilities of time travel last year in high school. Many people beleive that once you reach the speed of light, time stops, relative to you. It has been proven that time slows as you approach the speed of light. If time stopped for you, ou could travel as far into the future as you wanted, but you could never come back. I always used to think that if time travel was possible at all, it would be going back in time. I hope I am diong this assignment right, I'm really just rambling about whatever comes to mind, which is what is asked for, I guess. I am really looking foreward to meeting a lot of new people here. I also want to keep my old friends though. It shouldn't be too hard, because I only like an hour away. Well, I guess twenty minutes is up. I'm going to go buy my book for this class, then go warm up for band practice. Tyler

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My suitemates are talking very loudly in the bathroom. I really should go to bed so I won't be tired in the morning, but I want to get this done so I don't have to worry about it later. The tag on my shirt itches. I need to cut it off. My suitemates left the bathroom, so it's quiet again. My roommate is studying still. Someone just slammed a door down the hall. My suitemates are being loud again. My back kind of hurts. It must be from carrying my backpack around all day. I'm really tired. At least I don't have class until 10 in the morning. I'll get a little more sleep. I need to remember to go to the Co-op tomorrow to pick up the backordered book that just came in. I bet I'm going to end up annoying my roommate typing for twenty minutes straight. I should probably tell her. good, she wasn't paying attention. She asked me why I had to type for twenty minutes. I've only been typing for 5 minutes! My suitemates are still in the bathroom, but they aren't being so loud anymore. My feet hurt from walking all day and my back still hurts. I hope I do well on the economics quiz tomorrow. I studied all my notes and read the chapters. I'm getting sleepier, but I have to finish this. They're being loud again. They are loud a lot. I think the second night I was here, they came in at 4:30 in the morning and woke me up banging around in the bathroom. Me and my roommate are quiet. Someone just got out of the shower and immediately got on the phone because someone called for her and was waiting to talk to her. I think it was Dani, but it may have been Amelia. I can't tell their voices apart yet. I think Amelia is the one with a job at Footlocker. My roommate is popping her knuckles. I pop mine a lot. I need to stop. Everyone says it makes your knuckles big when you get older. I don't think that's true because it is just releasing air from the joint. I just popped my knuckles out of habit. Someone just slammed a door again. Everyone always slams doors. Maybe they don't do it on purpose, but it is still really loud. I only have five minutes left. That's good because I think my roommate is done studying for the evening. Now she is typing on her computer and laughing. She must be IMing someone. It is probably her ex-boyfriend who lives in El Paso, or maybe it is her friend Louie that I met the other day. I wonder who's online that I can talk to right now. Probably no one. I need to go to bed anyway. I'm glad I gat my Calculus homework done. I got a 94 on it, so I'm pretty happy. That's good considering I didn't get any help on it. I need to find a study group for Calculus. I probably need them for all my classes. My roommate asked me if our suitemates are always going out. I said yes. They do go out a lot. I don't think I've ever seen them study. My friend said she hasn't seen her roommate study at all either. I wonder how they are going to pass their classes. I'm almost done. I only have 30 more seconds. Then I get to go to bed. Good night!

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As for now, I feel as if quite a weight of stress has been lifted off of my shoulders. I had many things to accomplish once I started school here at The university of Texas and I am finally beginning to lighten the stress little by little as I achive the goals I need to. for instance, today, I needed to petition credit of hours which I earned off of the ap testing which I took in highschool. I attempted to do it off of my compuiter but for some reason, even though I typed the correct web site, I could not actually claim my hours. Thus I actually went to the Measures and Evaluations building which allowed me to finally claim and petition my scores. also, the week before school started, I was ecxperiencing stress due to the fact that the ethernet card I purchased for my computer had a cd which was burned and incompetent of following the demanded preocedures. at that time, one evening I finally cried because of the accumulated stress which had built up immensly. thankfully, right now I am a much happier person both on the enterier and teh exterior. for example, I began to write to all of my friends back home as well as write to my penpal who lives in Cicago Ilinois. I am starting to miss all of my friends and my family. the voices of my loved family do not leave my head. instead, their words repeatedly play in my mind as they are right now. I remember things my brother said to me whether it was great advice, or even a comment which brought me down. many times I feel that I can trust my brothers opinion since he tells me anything I need to know extremely bluntly and straight out. all my female friends I know may try to beat around the bush by telling me a point. I do the same thing. I care for my friends and try to tell them everything in a very nice way. however, when it comes to my biological brother, he is probably the most honest boy who has ever spolken to me. who has ever spoken to me. I miss him a lot. actually I probably would not have been so homesick had my roommate not convinced me how much more comfortable and relaxed I would be at home. last weekend, she went home to visit her family and friends. when she came back, she told me that she was looking forward for the next weekend so she could go home and sleep in her own room once again. wow, how could I not imagine how nice it would be for me to go home as well and see all my old friends again. I really miss them. in addition, I miss my friends which go to different schools. I keep pictures of them to reminfd me of the friendship they shared with me. it is almost as if they are close in a way, but, not really. my mom on the other hand may just miss me quite a bit. I am looking forward to seeing her since she is in california visiting my precious grandmother right now. I'm very close to my mom and that is why I believe that my leaving may affect her and me. we are like best friends who tell each other anything in our lives. she cares for me and I hope that whatever I choose to do with my life I can impress her. however I would never do anything simply because of the reason that only she wants it of me. in fact she trusts me well enough to know that I will be able to grow up to be an independent person with great values, goals, and striving ambitions. my mother also helps in relieving my endless stress. just knowing that I can count on both my parents aids me in relaxing and doing the best that I can.

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Boy Bands They suck big time. I'm listening to the radio right now and one of the 50 is on. I do not see the huge interest in them. They all seem fake since New Kids on the Block. They were the original hotties! I can't tell if it's my allergies or if I'm getting sick, but my nose has been running ever since this past weekend. I got to go see my niece and nephew this weekend. I really enjoyed that. For once I got to go out of town on Labor day. My parents always said next year, or later this year. I'm amazed we got out of Texas this year. We were supposed to go to Italy this summer, but that fell through. Then we were supposed to go to New York, and that didn't feel right. Then we all finally decided on Orlando. My brother was going to bring his girlfriend and we were all going to have a great weekend break from the routine. That didn't work either. We ended up cutting that one to. Finally we decided that it was our turn to go to California to see my nieces and nephews. It was fun, but they sure are weird. I have an older half brother, an older half sister, and an older halfhalf sister. We really aren't related, but we are still pretty close. We have a lot of fun together. I don't talk to my half sister anymore. She's a bit. Sorry. She's mean and selfish. She told me that I stole her dad from her. She has some serious problems. She has to be the center of attention, and she's always trying to be better than everyone else. If something good is happening between two people she has to stir things up. She's a complete brat. She's too used to getting everything her way. I hope my roommate can't see up my shorts. I don't know if this is something that happens with time, but I really don't like underwear anymore. I don't understand how some people can wear the granny kind of underwear. Sorry if I am offending you. But hey, this is my stream of consciousness. I'm really looking forward to this class. My mom had a lot of fun teaching it. I've always wanted to be like her in some way or another. I've always looked up to her. Somehow she is always right. There are the few occasions, but for the most part she's always right. Sometimes it makes me sick. I'm running out of things to talk about. Hmmm. I miss my friends from Wimberley. I'm a freshman. So many of my friends went to different schools or are still in high school. I was the oldest in my group of friends. My parents keep telling me how some of the girls are looking up to me, and want to be like me when they get to college. I love to hear that kind of stuff. It really keeps me in check. Yeah! One of the songs I always sing with a girl I hung out with all summer is on. It's weird, but it seems like juniors and freshmen always hook up. I don't mean like going out, but also in just hanging out. It seems like there's always two years in between close friends. I have a friend who just turned 16 and she is so pumped. I feel really bad, because her mom and step dad are getting divorced right now. She just moved from her last home. I'm pissed at her step dad. He said that he wanted a divorce because he felt he wasn't providing enough for his child, which is crap!. He gave her everything she ever asked for, plus some. So now he has put my friend, her mom, and her brother out in the cold. He's a jerk. I'm not going to go any more into this subject. I'd get too heated. This time has really passed pretty fast. I'm surprised! I don't get why people drink alcohol. I just don't get it. I have plenty of fun sober. Sometimes more fun than my friends have, and they have hang overs the next day. It makes no sense to me. Being sober's the way for me! Well, this was fun. I'll chat with you later!

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being new in Texas and on a strange campus with a lot of different people that I've never met, and have no idea what their backgrounds or thoughts may be is weird to me. back home this wasn't the same. All my friends knew me and I knew them. They didn't care about my little flaws. My family was there to support me and care about me. now, I'm hear. alone and people are starting to show their real colors. At first the girls on my floor were accepting and sweet, but now everything has changed. They have this different feelings and thoughts about me. I may have done some things to upset them, just like they have done to me, but I am a forgiving person. I do not hold grudges like others. Which my sister says is a bad trait. guys down my hall, who used to be nice to me, now make fun of he way I talk, the way I dress, just generally me. its hurts a lot. I'm not the kind of person who shares my feelings with others very easily. I try not to let the things they say hurt me, usually they are just joking around. but, it still does hurt. no one likes to be made fun of. Maybe I'm scared of what people think about me. maybe I'm nervous and afraid because I'm in a totally new atmosphere and situation and nearly everyone else has their family and friends nearby, if not living in the rooms with them, the talk to. People who know about their mood swings and personality. but, I don't. At first I didn't think much about all this stuff. I was having a good time in rush and with all the new people I have met. But, things have changes and I kind of wish I had chosen to go to the school where all my home friends went instead of starting anew. but, I guess the reason I'm hear is because I wanted to get away. or at least I thought I wanted to get away. one thing I don't' really like to do is burden people with my problems, especially people I don' know. they usually end up telling me that I should think better about myself or that what I'm thinking isn't right. but, no one really knows what's right for me except me. I tell myself every night that tomorrow I'll try to be a little better at this and try to change that about myself, the things that people get annoyed with so that people will want to be my friend. but, I can't change how I've grown up. my family values have thought me how to be nice to others, but I had to learn on my own how to take it when those people that you think you're the nicest to and like the most can turn on you in a second. that just because you might say a nice thing about someone, that's doesn't mean that the next day they'll remember or even care enough to stop people from hurting you. My mom calls about three times a day. We're pretty close. but, when I was at home she'd annoy me because she always wanted to talk and be around me and I thought I just wanted her to go away. but, no its different. I call her too. I tell her everything that's happened to me that day and ask for advice. I thought I would be that kind of person, but I was wrong. I can't wait to go home and be with people that really know me and accept me right away. I don't' remember the last time I had to work at being someone's friend. I wish I didn't have to write this for so long. I just feel like I'm babbling about the same thing over and over again. I can't type very well either, so some of my words can only be read by dyslexic people. its alright. I'm trying to be as honest and open as possible. A couple of years ago I used to cry everyday. About nothing about something it didn't matter. I was going to go see a psychiatrist. I've never been to one but was always intrigued about what would happen if I went. I think for a little while I'd tell me parents that I HAD to go to one. I convinced them. I dot' know what that was all about. just a phase I guess. I'd still like to go to one. I can't see how someone could like the job of hearing other peoples problems for hors on end everyday. That would be totally crazy. When people tell me their problems I just think about mine and feel bad for myself. I guess I'm self centered or something. I hear people talking in my hall and wish that I could go out there too, but I promised myself that I'd get some work done before I went off to class. I really haven't eaten a lot since I've been here. I skip breakfast don't' eat lunch or dinner. Its crazy. My appetite has totally left. the food is really nasty here. Oh well. When I get home I'll make my parents take me out to a nice dinner. My boyfriend used to take me out to nice dinners, then for some reason her totally stopped. I'm kind of materialistic. or, at least that's what he'd say. but, I learned o accept it because I loved him. or at least I thought it was love. I don't' know yet, and I'll probably never know until I find someone who I feel the same way or more about. That hasn't happened yet. okay, times up.

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I hate it when you get so confused and you don't know what to think about anything. Sometimes you think you are making the right decision but then you start to doubt yourself. I guess I tend to do that a lot lately. I never know if what I am doing is right or not. Will it work in the long run? Oh well. School gets to be confusing but I guess that is at least something that is relatively constant. I don't think I deal that well with change. But I am not so sure anyone really does. Things tend to be uncertain a lot more that a lot of people like to admit. The only thing that I know for sure is that no one person stays the same no matter how much they would like things to. Personally, I have always thought that it is possible to care or even love more than one person at the same time. I am not sure why or when monogamous relationships came around but I am not exactly sure they work. I actually have a lot of proof, just look at the divorce rate. But I guess that is not really proof of anything except for the fact that people have given up forgiving other people for their mistakes. Everything changes schools, and people and everything else. When you see people that you have known a long time in a different setting, why does everything seem so weird. Some of them seem nicer others have changed so much that you can't even recognize who they are. Anyway, I am really tired of thinking about this. Computers can really get so annoying. I realize that they are supposed to be a good thing but they can be really confusing too. I guess everything really is. I am getting really tired of talking to myself or at least that is how I feel I wonder what draws certain people to certain things. Like what makes me like the color pink and someone else absolutely detest it? My next question is why do I put things off? I guess because I don't like to admit to myself that I actually have work to do. Plus I guess I am just plain lazy. There's nothing like having a few really close friends but then that can be a bad thing too. But another problem is when you have a group of friends, and of course if there are guys and girls in the group as there normally one of them becomes attracted to another and of course that can become a huge problem. The worst thing is that if something does happen between those people then it will eventually seriously affect the rest of the group. La La La!!! I feel so retarded right now and my time is up. So I guess this is goodbye. At least until I do my next righting assignment.

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Its really hard to write what I am thinking about because when I am asked to do that, I think about what to write. I then go and think of other things that are on my mind and really don't need to be shared with the general public. What I am physically feeling right now is heat. Our house is hot although we have the a/c running non stop. Mentally, I am confused. The thoughts that go through my head at times make me think that I am crazy and that I should seek help. I am not the only one who thinks that but my family members and my friends also think that I should get some help. But truthfully, there is no help. Who controls the mind? Ones self controls the mind. All I really have to do is concentrate and I can control myself. Powerful things can be accomplished with mind control. Its odd how sometimes I know what people are going to ask me before they ask me. It happens allot. Then people look at me in an akward form. I don't know how that happens. It just does. I can also go through the thought process of other people. Sometimes, when my friends perform certain actions, I can think the exact same thing they were thinking at the time they were doing that. The only time this thought process causes a problem is when I am reading the news and read about acts of violence against children. Its not that great when you can place yourself in the shoes of the aggressor when you really don't want to. Its all invouluntary. This would be allot easier if I was writing in pencil. I think faster when I am writing things down. It helps me organize my thoughts. When I speak to people, I like to confuse them. Sometimes I confuse them so much, they believe that a conclusion was reached at the end of our conversation but when they think about it, they find out that I only caused them to think of more questions. I don't know why I enjoy that. When we think, what do we think about the most? What is easier or what needs a solution. Writing about what I think is hard. I am not sure if I think of too many things at once or just don't think at all. I do just stop thinking and drift off into my own world and just stay there, thoughtless? Feelings: mixed feelings. Not sure what to do with my life. Would prefer not to be in college but know that sucess comes with knowledge. Psychology has interested me since I was a child. I like knowing what people are thinking about. That is what I do; I observe. But observation comes with a price. Since I play the role of observer, it is hard for me to actually detail what is going on in my day and not others. People think that I really don't want to talk much about myself (which is true to some extent). What really happens is that I don't know how to organize my daily activities to be shared with others. Silence is my audience when I am by myself. But when I need to concentrate and do my homework, I need noise. I can not concentrate where it is quiet. The silence distracts me. When I read, I listen to music. When I do other homework that does not involve reading, I listen to music, talk to others, and also do the homework of another class at the same time. I need distractions to concentrate. Another physical pain came to my mind. I have back pain. Most times, I take pain killers to ease the pain. The pain killers I use arent that effective and they are stong pain killers. I take Hydrocodone and Naproxen 500 mg each. I sometimes take two naproxen and one hydrocodone or vice versa. That does very little to ease the pain. Since they are so effective, I just don't take them and deal with the pain. Thanks to my servere back pain, I am now not affected by other types of pain. I need a new body. I also have knee pains. I have joint pain. I am overweight. I need to do something with my life. Something new. I would like to skydive. Life is not worht living if you don't take risks. I ran out of things to write about. I lost my stream of consciousness. I need the weekend to be here so that I can catch up on my homework. I procrastinate too much. I have talked to a psychiatrist before. It really didnt help. Nothing helps. Once must deal with their problems themself and keep them to themself. Contorl them with ones mind and keep them undercontrol.

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Wow I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing for this assignment. I knew about a book that I was supposed to read in English class last year that was supposedly written in stream of consciousness but since i never read it I have no idea what it was about. Instead I read Crime and punishment. that was probably the most depressing book i have ever read. right now I'm reading a tom clancy novel, which is much more exciting. I can't wait to go back to dallas this weekend to see my family and girlfriend. they are all so excited. plus i get to see my grandma and actually get some real food. Man the food here sucks. sure there's variety, but half the time they don't even have something green out there. I mean how the hell are we not supposed to get that freshmen 15 if they aren't even giving us some friggin green beans. My allergies are killing me. i think i almost died last nite i was coughing so much, and i'm sure i kept my roommate up. but i don't really care. he shafted me. he was going to give me a ride to dallas this weekend but instead, he made his girlfriend come down so now he won't take me. He could have just seen her down there, but he didn't want to have to be around adult supervision for that long. oh well, i'll get him back. hehehe. yeah so my arms are definitely starting to get tired. i definitely haven't done this much typing since fourth grade with mr. colonna. that was the year that I was introduced, and subsequently failed fractions. damn i hate fractions. with mrs. hatch. evil lady. there is so much reading that i have to do for my classes but so far i am really liking them. i took five pages of notes today in my architecture class, but at the end i was ready to take more. we were talking about hitler and the nazi's, but mainly about the architect that hitler hired to build his sets for his speeches, and the headquarters of the nazi party. I'm now listening to pink floyd and i feel as though i'm on a space ship. this is some crazy stuff. i use this cd to put me to sleep every nite. and usually by the second song i'm asleep. it is so cold in this room i'm having to crap, somebody's knocking on the door. ok i'm back;. now where was i. ah yes my toes probably have frost bite now i could get up and turn up the thermostat but then i start sweating profusely and that's definitely no good. it's been very hard for me to meet people in my dorm so far. i'm in the new dorm, san jacinto, and it's like a hotel. since everyone has their own bathrooms no one really has a chance to mingle, because they're always going somewhere. everyone seems like they're on a mission and they'll kill you if you get in their way. i'm not exactly the most outgoing guy in the world, so let me tell you it's more than intimidating. i had such a close, great group of friends in high school that i could tell anything to. and they felt the exact same way. now, i have no one to talk to except a few of my friends that came here. The problem with that is, i just know too many people here, so there's always someone to hang out with, we just don't get new people to hang out with. and it's also kind of pointless if you sit down and think about it. because the odds are, if you see someone somewhere and introduce yourself to them, you very well may never even see them again. I mean, how much does that suck. ooh this is my favorite part of the song. shine on you crazy diamonds. wow, that just made me think of band banquet from last year and i have absolutely no idea why. unless it's because my date was wearing a gold sequine dress and was definitely shining. yeah, that's prolly it. oh lord my hands are tired. i'm so out of shape. i've definitely lost like 20 pounds of muscle over the summer. and now, everyone here is huge. i was big back in high school, but comparatively, i'm a stinkin shrimp. and i really don't have any particular skill at any sport. i played soccer in high school, but i played goalie and i hate it now. i'm average at any sport but i don't really excel at anything in particular so i'm at a decided disadvantage.

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I'm thinking that I should probably be doing some homework right now. But I am enjoying listening to the music that she is playing. That is one thing I miss about not driving anymore. I don't get to listen to music all the time. It is really weird not having a radio in my room, I even find myself just purposely stalling around the bathroom in my dorm longer than normal just so I can listen to the radio that is in there. I am starting to realize how random my thoughts are. As many times I have joked around about it but I really think that I have ADD. Now I am thinking that I really need to call this girl back. She called while I was eating dinner with a friend over at Kinsolving. I think that I am purposely stalling before calling her back. She asked for my number at this club, but everytime I think about I can't get over the fact that I kind of met someone at a club and the fact that stereotypes are funny. She is this kind of manly lesbian who is in the army and everytime I think about I just think it is really funny. Now I am thinking about my roommate and that she listens to good music. She is playing Third Eye Blind", which is my favorite band. Now I'm trying I'm remembering that this is the 3rd track on their 2nd album, "Blue". Now I'm trying to restrain myself from singing the song for the reason that I don't want to distract my roomie from studying or scare her with my terrible singing. Now I'm thinking that I really need to break/stop this clock thing of mine from beeping 8 minutes past every hour. I used to just ignore it but now it is really starting to bother me. I should find the instruction manual that or throw it away, I don't have patience for those kind of things, which is actually kind of terrible considering that I am currently an engineering major. Now I can't help ignoring the knot in my stomach, I'm nervous about something but I can't really narrow it down. I think it is a combination of calling this girl and the mostly ever present stress and pressure I feel from the whole classes/college thing. I'm really glad that prof. pennebaker taking about that in class today (that it is normal for college freshman to feel this way) I thought I might just have been being really weird and stressing out, which isn't too normal during this time of year. There is something about switching from the summer mode to school mode that always seems to stress me out. Now I just seem to be spacing out and not really thinking about anything. I'm trying to figure out if I am really tired or if it is just the stress that is making me feel this way. But at least it is a pleasant break the "dissecting my life" thoughts that I have been having lately. For the last two days I have been trying to figure out whether my lack of a party life was caused by me being a mature high schooler or my me just being naive. I'm starting to realize that I think I need to cut ties with my dad again. the drama just isn't worth it. I think he . sorry I'm distracted. my roomie is playing the "Turning Japanese Song". now I just had a vision of my mom dancing and singing this song. ohh, more 80's music Michael Jackson's "Beat it". wow, he is such a freak now. anyway. where was I? oh

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I love this song. It reminds me of Plano, and when I hung out with my old friends. I wonder where they're at right now? I wonder if they're ok, and if they're doing well at college. Where’s my roommate. He should be back by now. He must be eating. I wonder why this c. d. keeps skipping, I know it's not scratched. I can't wait till tonight. I can't forget about my laundry in twenty minutes. It better still be there when I go for it, or somebody's losing a leg. Actually, I trust most everyone on this floor because they're all pretty cool and I've met most all of them. The guy down the hall, he's pretty cool, he just isn't used to Texas life. the heat yes, since he's from Hawaii, but the people no. Should I rush a frat, or not. There are many great advantages to this, but I really don't want to join a bunch of guys I don't know and find out they're a bunch of losers, or drugees. I guess I'll never know until I decide to join, it's just whether or not I think they're cool. A lot, if not all of my friends, have joined a frat, so I can find out who likes their frat, and who doesn't to figure out which one I'd like to rush or pledge. I'm actually rushing them all, because there is no reason not to. My sister will give me the drop since she went here not to long ago. I'll ask here and get here to help me out because a lot of her friends are alumni's of the better frats. This part of the song is the best. It always makes me feel so happy, like I could do anything. Wait one sec, I have to sing along. Dangit, when is Susan going to call back, there are so many Plano people here in Austin I feel like I'm at high school all over again, just a bigger neighborhood to party in. I don't like driving here to much because there are no medians, and the speed limits aren't posted anywhere. I'm not used to having to drive sooo aggressively here. I mean I always drive aggressively, but I wonder if people here take offensive driving, instead of defensive driving. Now it is time for me to go take a safe walk, since my car is so dang far away.

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Jeez, I had been typing for like at least fifteen minutes and I hit the damn escape button and everything erased from the scrteen. I hit the undo button and that got everythgnbackbuyt I wanted to make sure that it wass the escxapre button and in hit undo again after hitting ht eescxape button ahd everything leeft and shit thie really suck I am now pretty annnouyed. I had so much written and it was prertry good stuff because I t let me sse how much imy mind wantedre when I thought for a constant peroiod of time no wmy typhen really susicsks because I am tying to gype as cfast as I can because I wanta tho get ghitthighs thing ovoer with sasa cffasat as I can . what I was talaking about at one pint in the fisrst on ewas how I have tigns keypaboard, or keyboards in genereal brecause I has a wrist rest on the keyboark onand that was annoynt aoso I took it off and I stareted to yepye faster and with abetter accurary buye you oculdn't tell now because I am tyyping so fast that my saccuarcy has diminincdhsed to the poing youi may thingk I rally su suck iat typoien. it probably looks prtetty bad right now I can't tell because I am ilooking at the kyboark rightnow. I have trouble hitting the t keyp I have to actually think aobut it comparedk to the a key with which I don't' havae to thnk. whoa I just looked at the screen and I feel soty if anyone is ogint o reaad this or attemptot read thins. that really sucks that this may not even bget read becsause they have at least 5oo peopel in the clasese so they will most assuredly do a random check o fhw how sdid the wirithing. they will peobably do only maybe 20 or sp eopelle tecause they want ot know if they did or irt just hit the submit button right below thi sbig plain srcren. I am listing to peopaer jam music right nao and one of my favcorigte soinbgs is palyong righ tno. I forgot the name ifo the sone, actually it ic call hail hiail. it is a cool song and I thingk t was on their yield cd. I am not fully sure. we have thhos lava lapmp in our dorm aroom and I was messing with it w few time s and I thougyth I scrwed it uip. I turned it upside down ad mnesses it up. w had to turn it off for a few hours and it wasb back to normak and me bieng the guy how likes to mess woith things as the incident I descrived at the beginning or this twinety minute thihng hsows, I shork it to s3ew hat would happen. agfain it screwed up and we had to run it ofof for some time. then it went back to normal but it was on the ground ani accidently knocked it over. then it got sxtereed up again and we rurned it off for a longer peroid of time this time pbecause it was pretty sucrewed up . an dthere wasa a hazy ol==k. like thatrewas a lot of "lava" floaiting around moile molecules and itwas wn't inin the big bunch it supposed to be. we left it off overnihght and it went back to noerla. we turned the loight s out last night and forgot to gturn the lava lamp off and it was n't even that brignth. not very bright for a ". amp". I didnt mind it bieng on but my romate w anted it off. je ,ist b e smsatovbe tp ;ogjt/ ech! that looks like jibberish. my s=f9ngers shifted to the right one and tghat looked pretty bad. that is preyy weird hw if you have yoru hand mis poistioned a few centimetere, you can type still but youlook like a copetel fool and you may mistaken for a retard! notr that I am making fun o fhtem but that is a simple fact. people arelso eager to ump on you osometimes in theis world. oh well. aginatot his keyboar thingk. it may be better for meif I buy the microsoft natural keyboard which is split in the middle of the keyboark ins is uposed ot be more ergonomically correct. I have microsoft mousn and it fits in the palmiof my hand. wheni went home and used the mouse there it felt really bac. I wonder how much I hav e yped how. I'll type until the end of this sone, which is now daughter. this is a longer versoin than on the original cd. this is a perarl jam live cd. it is called live on two legs or something like hat. h==I also have this orhter prearl jam cd live xcd. it is a live cd recorded from a conceret in italy. it is pretty cool and I was albe to herar new songs befoere then came out on future. cds. there is a new version of jeremy on it, but I don't' knowi f I likwe it becausei don't remembver it. I really likde hat song some peplse it isn't a song my pearly jam, bu a comver of someone selases osong I thingk with slight differences in the lyrics. ithe lyrics are soo grue becas it is like somepeople don't have mno mind, some people aridiots and stuflike that. reminds me of someoenp in knwo. as you can see if you look at the to of my text here, youwill notice that my speling has gotten better. I have actually slowed down my typing soem because I am not as ticked off as I was when I started typoing. man was I tyicked. so for you psychologists our there who may actuyally read this, my aggravation slowed down because my mind went else where because I got so in tuen wit writign thing assignment. is this evenb an asisghment? -Shawn

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My roommate finally just left for work! I don't mean to say finally with such a relief, but my head is just pounding from her music! I really like her a lot, we get along great, we just don't have the same taste in almost anything. now, I'm not a neat freak, but living in such a small place for the next nine months, I would kind of like to keep the room picked up. I don't think she feels the same way! this morning, she ate cheerios, but threw most of them away, so our room smelled like rotten cheerios all morning. she finally threw them away, it's not so bad. I think some of her habits and ways come hand in hand with the fact that she is an art major. I don't mean to be stereotypical, it just seems that the artist in her contributes to her taste in many things. twenty minutes sure is a long time to write! that could also be because I'm not much of a writer. I used to like to write for fun, when I was younger, but being forced to do things makes me tend to not enjoy them as much. now, this is not so bad because I'm not worried about correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, etc. , so I sure hope those things don't matter! I can't believe I waited until three hours before the due date to do this paper. actually, I can, I am such a procrastinator. I think it is the worst feature about myself. especially now in college, when there really is no time for procrastination. there always seems to be some sort of studying or reading I could be doing, but then again, there are a million other things that are just so much more appealing and at the time seem to be just as important as that homework! like for instance, it would almost be a sin to not see the final episode of my favorite tv show, or to miss out on what the rest of my friends are doing! only three other girls I went to high school with came to UT this year, and two of them live right across the hall! it's so strange how things work out. speaking of strange things, I saw a girl that I was best friends with when we were very young, like kindergarten through second grade! I couldn't believe we even recognized each other! it was so crazy! it was great to see her. then last night, I saw a boy that I went to junior high with, he actually lives on the same floor as me! I moved around a lot when I was younger, so the people I see, most likely don't even know each other! wow, I just looked up at the timer and it's already been more than fifteen minutes! that sure went by a lot faster than the first five! I wanted to go home this weekend, but I'm waiting until next, our town is having the county fair then. I don't want to admit that I miss home because I told everyone that I couldn't wait to leave! I was tired of the small town gossip and the close minded ideas of all those small town people! I do love it here in austin and I even have some family here, but I miss my parents! I think I might even miss my two younger brothers, now that's crazy! I think I just miss everything! I miss my kitty and I especially miss my best friend! he went to texas tech and I keep telling myself that I'll never see him again, but I pray that I will!

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23

I hear nicole's printer printing I'm so glad she is my roommate I really like the song that's playing on the radio I wonder if my laundry is ready yet paul is a big poo face I wonder if I should tell hijm about my date with zach on friday it's under the table I don't think that I'm very good at this stream of consciousness thing I have to look at the keys when I type on it's kinda annoying I wonder if the professor takes off for stupid internet phrases like lol or kinda man I really can't stand paul I hope that zac doesn't turn out to be someone who's just looking to be laid this assignment seems like it'll be really easy someone just popped up on I'm I wonder if it was dylan I'm supposed to go to a concert with him on friday but zac and I were supposed to go out then I wonder what it would be like to live in austin for all your life new braunfels really sucks at some points in time right no my stomach feels kinda weird probably fro the spaghetti I ate at dinner and nicole's macaroni she htes macaroni cause she got a noodle caught in her throat one time which reminds me of the time I got a peppermint caught in my throat ooh walking on sunshine by reel big fish it reminds me of warped tour with dylan kelly and I don't remember who else went but it probably wasn't that important oh it was ronnie now it's going to be me dylan paul patrick jon joe and james and nick all going to static x and staind in october, I'm really excited about it but kinda scared I'm walking on sunshine my feet hurt from the shoes I was wearing today I love them, they're converse sneakers so cute and they look like they would be comfortable but they're really not which is kinda disappointing rambling like this makes me feel like anne hathaway on princes diareis which makes me think of her in the other side of heaven which is one of my favorite movies nicole and I watched josie and the pussycats last week at some point in time I wonder what mark will think once I tell him that I have a date if I even bother to tell him I already told ward, I think that ward may like me but probably not and don't it feel good? I dig this song, we sang it in choir in sixth grade which brings back memories of casey and how we were the best of friends up until a stupid boy came between us I can hear the air conditioner going and the clicking of nicole's mouse she is doing a cog lab for some reason she is upset that she scored against the norm on it I think that she is really smart and am glad that she and I are roomies it was weird though cause I was in here while she and greg her boyfriend were cuddling she has a question for me but can't remember it I suppose I'll pay attention she did an experiment and has to print it out and it has to be the final name it seems like it should be daniell instead of nicole wow it's only been seven minutes and I'm running out of things to think about well if it's saved under that name um perhaps you should talk to greg about it I think she is oops I didn't realize she was on the phone I miss dancing and am kinda nervous about trying out for the roustabouts I think they're called my hair is tickling my nose I wish that I'd never had bangs to begin with it seems like such a hassle to take care of them and it's taking so long to grow them out nicole is trying to get greg to help her with her computer stuff over the phone he will probably end up coming up here and then I'll have to go down and hang out with ward and mark in my pjs to avoid feeling awkward if nicole and greg start getting touchy feely I think that he is going to come up I'm glad that they've worked everything out now but it kinda makes me depressed because I don't really have anybody and paul is being a big poo head which is his new name poo head paul. I wonder if punctuation and capitalization and spelling count in this probably not because it's not like humans think using punctuation or caps I like the punk version of this song punk rock princes by something corporate dylan went to see them with 311 last week I wish that I hyad gone now but I haven't even started my biology questions yet and I'm afraid of failing the course and am considering dropping it my tailbone kinda hurts from sitting here so long I don't think that I want to be on AIM when paul gets back I should leave a message up on friday saying that I've gone on a date it should pose for some interesting conversation with him later on that's for sure geez 12 minutes that means that I've still got 8 to go my alarm should go off when it's been that long my laundry is probably already done I'm glad nicole showed me how because I had neglected it for so long we talked to a cool guy in there but I forgot what his name was he was a business major though I wonder what the weather would be like tomorrow hah nicole said anal and she is talking about laura vasquez a girl from our old high school I think I saw ben campos in my psych class today but it's been so long since I've seen him and think that I keep seeing people who aren't really the people I'm thinking of so it might not have been him I really would not like to see any of them though I came up here to get away from them but oh well, c'est la vie and cool sheep tiffany laughed at that phrase earlier I just don't like beans enough to say cool beans sheep are so much better I feel like a child babbling on and on to an uncaring adult and my time is almost up so that's a good thing I think I've already been through four sogs already nicole's kinda computer illiterate though she did learn how to download stuff from her camera to computer which is more than I can probably figure out I'm thinking about my psych class now and the huge screens used to project the stuff I expected everything to be without overheads or any sort of indication on what we should write down it being all us and sucks for us if we don't know what to study for the test I really should do my biology but I'm not in the mood I keep saying that I'll do it later but honestly it won't get done I think that I say the word honestly too often and I make too many typos when I type I really like my laptop keyboard though the keys are nice and compact and make cool noises when you press them rather than nicole's chunky computer keyboard but what would you give away to have somewhere to go to I don't think that I would give up everything for just one other person though the bible says so which reminds me that I should probably e-mail my bible study instructor christie later on tonight just to let her know what is going on her kids go to school in austin jon and katie they're really cute christie and her husband got divorced a while ago and it seems like a horrible thing that they went through I don't really want to ask her about it though cause it's not my business and it seems like a touchy subject which brings to mind richard who called paul a dick after I told him that paul had told me that he kissed jade I think I'm getting better at accepting the fact that they're together at least it's easier to do up here than in NB it seems that the further away from my problems I am the easier they become to handle I wonder how many other people are doing their assignments today my alarm just went off and it scared the crap out of me I'll have to go get my laundry after I'm done maybe I'll try out my new iron and ironing boars are we supposed to

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I'm really worried about shannon I wonder if shes going to be ok it scares me a lot. I'm never known anyone my age to have something serious like that. I wonder if it was cause by anything like a cell phone or living by a tower or whatever. it makes me wonder if that could happen to me. I'm not sure why people smoke. its such a disgusting habit, but people seem to do it because it looks cool and because other people are doing it. I could understand why people smoked in high school it made you bad or something but not it just hurts your health and makes you ugly. I need to go brush my teeth. I wonder what reid is doing. he is so hot, I really would like to get with him, and I'm starting to lose intrest in chris. I feel trapped by him. I love being able to call on him whenever I want to do something. he's sort of my conveinent boyfriend. I guess that's not fair to him, but I'd almost rather it just be this way. I have a voice mail. who could that be from. I wonder when they will fix my phone. I love talking on the phone. I miss my mom. I don't miss my dad. I wonder how to tell him not to come home for parents weekend. I hate him. he'll maake me fell miserable either way. they are coming to fix my phone. thank god. I wonder if my date tonight will be cute. I like that outfit I wore last night. I really love suzanne and kristin and kleigh. suzanne is so awesome, but I wish we were all in the same sorority. actually no I don't. this way we have 3 close friends from different sororities and I have becoem good friends with megan joanie and tara. tara's awesome. I love all my sisters. I wonder what will happen when christy comes in town. I hope her and brian break up so I can set him up with someone. he's a good guy she doesn't deserve him. I think they're relationship is completely sexual. I wonder if I'll ever get married. I wonder if my dad will ruin that day for me too. I wonder if my mom will get married. I am embarassed of my parents sometmes. that makes me feel like such a bad person, but I can't help it. I love my mom. I wonder if anything bad will happen to brian because of those shirts he stole. I think that is so wrong. mike plays guitar. I wish I palyed guitar. acoustic not electric. I'd like to be able to play brown eyed girl. I wonder if I could be on staff for asp. I wonder if I could be a camp texas counselor. that counsleor that made me "hiney write" was awesome. he was a cool guy. doug is awful. I hope I never get played. I wonder if I'm playing chris. I would feel better if he would date someone else. god I wonder where reid is right now. he has no friday classes. my suitemates phone is ringing. are they up. do tehy have class. will she ever stop drinking? I hope she learns to slow down. she's an alcoholic. that guy was not even cute. I should talk to her. kathryn is cool. I want kathryn to amke a painting for me. I like fruit loops. yum. are we out of milK? damn I have to buy cheese. I want a quesdilla. why did that boy stop by at2? what an idiot. I'm probably more likely to help him. I like the body builder next door. he likes me too. I wonder if angie chappel and kyle talked about me. she seemed to be very curious about chris being my boyfriend or not. I feel like a bitch when I think this, but I wish kyle would shave his go-t. who arranged the keyboard? why are they in this order. I think its easier to have it this way then in alphabetical order. you use the letters asdf allot. and jkl. and ert. I wonder if sesame street is on. I liked bert and ernie. there was an episode of my so called life where rayanne sang how to get to sesame street. it was awesome. I hate that girl from the tri-delt house. I don't' know why they don't like me. I wonder what to wear tonight. damn it I need to study. has it been 20 minuts. how come I don't have any hot professors? I like ut. I don't want to drink anymore. am I going to get fat? kleigh is cute. I wish I had her figure. some people are lucky. I love my bed. its so soft. its lunchtime I'm not hungry. I wish I were skinny like andrea. I wonder if wolfe likes me. I think I scared him last night with my story about the elevator. why do the elevatros ehre take so long. I can't believe what happened to me and chris in the elevator. that was so emabarssing, and yet I can smile/laugh at it. chris is cool. i have a lecutre to go to today. I have to read. I have to work out. I have to call whats his anem and tell him I can't go. I don't think kleigh will go. what to do.

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I feel overwhelmed at the size and population of the school and classes, but at the same time am overjoyed to be here. I spent a year at Stephen F. Austin for my freshman year of college and liked it alright, but the school was not right for me, I think it had more to do with the town than the school, but anyhow I like being in Austin and love being around old friends, but at this moment I feel as if I haven't gotten into the school year just yet. I haven't studied enough and that makes me feel inadequate inefficient, worthless. But I don't dwell on that thought and one of the things which bring me happiness is having my own home this year. Two friends of mine from high school have been rooming together for the last few weeks and there is a lot of freedom involved in having your own place and that brings a lot of comfort to me. Right now I feel relaxed, relieved to be through with classes today. tomorrow is another day and I feel like I have a lot of time to get all my assignments finished. Another comfort for today is getting to finish this assignment. This is the first day I have been able to get into the UGL computer library and luckily I made it in before the deadline. I tried trice before but was rejected each time by some substantial reason which inhibited my using these wonderful machines. These are SO much better than the computers from SFA that I think I shall nut my pants. one other comfort is being able to write freely without impending restrictions from keeping you to a fake writing of what your thoughts are but not really because one is not able to freely express himself through outlawed writing styles, such as uncapitalized letters, lack of punctuation, all borders are allowed to be crossed and I love this freedom. I am feeling very good about myself right now I have just completed my first assignment of the year, well almost completed. I hope I have done this right and this has actually been fun. I look forward to writing on this assignment again. I have 4 more minutes to write I think just to be safe ill keep going a little longer . I am thinking about how this will be graded . I wonder if there could be some way of directly reading what I am writing in real time. and maybe he has hired hundreds of his minions to read just as we write so that they may choose while reading who is doing the right thing and who is not . I think I may stay here all day I like doing work and doing work well I am going to do all of my projects ahead of time so that I may be ahead of all my classes and pass in flying colors. I love school what else do I need to accomplish? I have to sign up for some experiments as well I'd best do that also. I am feeling so stress free right now , very relaxed. I think I have wrote enough but am not sure. so anyway I am the greatest artist on this world and will revolutionize this world in some way in my lifetime. this is my goal to change the world to revolutionize it to be known to be the best at everything to learn to be knowledgeable to be experienced? experienced, and to learn how the brain works is good to, and to learn how the world works , that's good to I love life who ever does not appreciate life and appreciate the sun rising every morning is insane, I am wishing I had a disk right now to save this stream of coincioussness writing style I like it I am going to do it again, . goodbye I am submitting my work now in a minute three more minutes. I wonder what I will wish I had accomplished when I look back ten years from now. like I look back and wonder when did I think I would be right now ten years ago? hmmm that's ponderous man really ponderous. I am glad to be here rather than home because at home I can not get much done yet it is still such a new experience that I have other priorities ahead of school work there but just there not here and only sometimes. like if kori came over I would never do homework again. yeah.

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14

So I have twenty minutes to write about what I think. I was thinking of all the things I thought I would write earlier, but suddenly I'm drawing a blank. I think I'm going to stop trying to write properly because there's really no point. after all, I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking, and if I get to caught up in punctuation I don't think my thoughts will flow as naturally as they would if I was not' typing at all. nick lachey is pretty swoll, and a pretty good singer. jessica simpson can look hot, but at times she looks rather plain. there are a lot of plain looking girls here, somewhat of a disappointment. isn't college suppose to have a lot of hot girls? o well, I have a girlfriend, so it really shouldn't matter. I remember hearing that the average male thinks about sex every 7 seconds or something like that, and it looks like I'm get to that subject pretty soon. I like timberland. he consistently makes good beats. but magoo fell off on the last single I heard from them. what's the name of that single? I think its one and all. I turned off the music because I don't think as randomly as usually do when its on. Its like I focus on the music and that is all exists. maybe that is y I could be a good dj if I tried, but I never practice, and that's why omar's upset wit me. I hope he is doing alright now. he says he is, but I know he is still tripping, at least every now and then. man, I told him not to trip on emmi, but what he don't know is that I trip on her too. that is pretty fucked up, but I can't help it. as erin said, that girl's seductive. and she really is seductive. I wonder why. she is not THAT hot, and I see a lot of flaws when I look at her, but I still want to get with that. maybe its just lust. now that I think of it, it is mostly lust. but I would never mistreat her. well, I don't think I would mistreat her. I thought I would never cheat on my girlfriend, but look what I did in cancun. I can really trust my boys--everytime I got a dirty secret, they shut they mouth. its' not cool that I have such a big mouth. I been saying I need to work on it, and I think I'm finally getting there. now that I'm controlling this part of my personality, maybe I can control my hormones as well. but I'm 18, and everyone says they know what I mean when I tell them wussup. felix agreed with me, even hazel. life savers kickers are pretty damn good. I'm tripping, thinking bout emmi again. I don't know why I'm so infatuated wit her. but its not that strong of an infatuation. not like it was wit crystal. when I saw her at the omega talent show, I still thought she was fly. and I say she is a stuck up bitch, but I know if she honestly wanted to date I wouldn't think twice. I wish I was like those cats that know how to pull any girl. I'm starting to realize its a game, and pulling a girl is as simple as making her think you have what she wants and needs in life. I need to stop thinking bout other girls. I have a gf. just like I need to stop chatting on AIM because all it does is keep my from doing my work. I'm getting sleepy. the fire alarm went off again. I wonder if anyone actually watches the monitors that are hooked up to the cameras in the halls. well, I guess they do seeing what happened to dennis the other day. I'm getting sleepy. I wonder if I meet jaymee ong if I'd actually have the nerves to approach her. probably not, unless I was famous like her. and even then, I don't know if I would. probably if I was drunk I'd do it. hahah. I wonder if I'll have the nerves to go up to carol from alpha sigma rho. there I got thinking bout other girls again. and here I go getting sleepy. every time I take my eyes off the monitor I get sleepy my fingers are starting to get a bit tired. this is the first assignment I've had that requires me to think about what to think about. man, chatting online never makes me sleepy, but its the exact same thing I'm doing now. sa was right. it is all in my head. if I could control every aspect of my behavior, that would work to my advantage. no more fallen asleep wen I have to read for class, or falling asleep on the road. maybe it just requires discipline not to procrastinate. but it would be cool to control the mind and have telekinesis and ESP. I think semi just sent me a text message, but I only got a minute left, so I'll wait till I'm done with this before I see what she said. I want to sing. if I could sing, I would rule the world hahaha. maybe not, but I'd feel like king. right now, that is wut I want most in life

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ahh everyting I typeed got erased dammit I have to do this again. htat is not fair I am angry now, with 30 seconds left somehow everything I typed about got erased. that is very frustrating for me I typed about so many random things. let me try this again. First of all I talked about how I am leaving for Atlanta in the mornging. I have a flight at 7 oclock which means I have to leave my house at 530 in the mornign so I can get there half an hour before my boarding of my flight. my dad is going to take me to the airport so I odnt have to leave my car there. I have not seen my car in two weeks and I love my car. I bought the car with my own money and I paid for it for one whole year. now my dad pays for it and is thaankful that I atleast got about 12000 dollars out of the way of the payments. I bought my car on august 16 2002 and to celebrate my two year anniversary I ended up having to get my wisdom teeth pulled. it was actuall fun for me. I loved the laughing gas, it made me so goofy I amde so many jokes with my partetns and with my docotors. I also couldnot stop laughing. also I did not feel any pain but still took pain killers to make sure that the pain didn't kick in. lets see what else can I talk about. hmm. I am waiting for my shoes to get mailed in to my house. I ordered some nike shox which I got to customize the color and also got to write my nAME ON IT. oops I had caps lock on. that is wiered, I am still mad that my whole assignment got erased right before it was twenteyy miutes. oh well htere is always things runnging around in my mind. if I am ever bored I turn to sports. I love sports. I love ut sports and all of dallas' temas. I will support them 100 percent everrytime. most of the time my TV is on I watch espn, it is an awesome channel, okay it has benn twenty minutes of typing for me so I am goign to go pack for my trip. hopefully I can get an A in this class. and I love this assignment

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I haven't had a very good afternoon. I've been trying to get my Ethernet hookup to work for 2 days, without success. I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to computers, so I had my friend come and hook it up for me. But to my unpleasant surprise, we couldn't get it to work! Today, all afternoon, I tried and tried to figure it out. I screamed, cried, and almost threw my computer out of the window. Then, just when I was about to give up, I figured it out! But, with my neverending good luck, I found out that the entire Internet server was down for all of my apartment complex. So, I had to drive all the way to west campus (I live on East Riverside) to use my friend's computer tonight. In other words, I'm in a pretty pissed off mood. Anyway, I'm drinking one of those Jack Daniel's Country Cocktails to calm myself down. I hope it works. Man, my back hurts. About 2 months ago, I fell off of a roof while sunbathing (topless, of course) and besides knocking myself unconscious, and embarrassing the hell out of myself, I fractured 2 vertebrae in my back. It was probably the most intelligent thing I've ever done. So, now that I'm slowly weaning myself off of the Vicadin the doctor proscribed, I seem to be in more pain than ever. It doesn't help that I have to carry a back pack around campus everyday, either. But, what can I do? The fractures weren't big enough to require surgery, so all I can do is wait until I heal. But, according to my wonderful doctor, I wasn't supposed to be feeling any pain by now. Wrong! I think I'm going to have to go back and get some more Xrays. Something isn't quite right. So my friend Laura is getting ready for sixth street and I'm stuck here doing crappy homework. This assignment isn't so bad, but I have French homework to do after this and that's what's going to suck. I love French, but my teacher this semester bites the big one. She makes going to class a real drag for me. That's never happened before, so I'm pretty ticked off about it. Gee, I hope my Art History Professor from last semester writes me back soon. He was supposed to change my grade from a C to a B because of some mistake in grading, and I recently checked my grade report only to find out that the grade was never changed. I want to know what the hell happened. Well, my twenty minutes are up. I'm a pretty slow typist, so I hope this is enough.

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Right now I'm writing about the things I am thinking of. I just got my hair cut and now I'm drinking a coke float. which I probably shouldn't be due to the fact that freshmen 15 is a big thing these days. my boyfriend just called and I like him a lot well actually love him to death, but sometimes I just wonder like if I'm doing the right thing. actually I wonder too much instead of living life as it should be lived. now my dad is wiping the back door off because we're having a party for my grandparents tomorrow - they will have been married for 50 years - that's a long time. I'm glad that they're both still alive because a lot of people don't even get to meet their grandparents. today I went and bought some clothes, which I probably should not have because I have a lot already. this chick keeps getting on and off of aol which is really bugging me because little messages keep popping up saying she is doing this. today we had a parade in my home town. yeah I'm home again. and it was cool. Kyle is a senior. I wish he was a longhorn because it would be so much easier to go to school together and see each other more often, but no he has to be an aggie. today is the football game, I wonder if Texas will win. LaGrange lost really bad last night - Hahira their not as good as they think they are. mom is sleeping and she snores a lot. dad keeps brushing the windows now and it is somewhat distracting. coolcherrychick has just signed on. cool. lol wow my hair is really short. man I can type faster than I thought I could, I guess that's good - hey it rhymes! omg stop with the window! I can't believe I found pants long enough for me at Bealls, that like never happens because I have really long legs, well not really but longer than normal. now coolcherrychick has just signed off. why do I like coke so much? I mean I don't drink it that often because I don't allow myself to, but I do enjoy it a lot - I guess the caffeine. I have problems spelling. this coke float is super good. thank god he stopped. ha-ha I just wrote stuffed before I erased it, anyway with the window. my hair is really cute, at least I think so. for once I'm not cold, its amazing. rowing is going to be cool, even though it might be really hard, at least I will have a coach forcing me to work out and I can identify with a team. I wonder if some people use really big words when trying to do this assignment, I mean I can use big words, but I really don't think in big words. my cognate. however you spell it process is not always so high smart or yeah that. I hope rhea's oh regina's home, I hope rhea's reunion - that's it - is going good, I don't think she really tried very hard but I mean she hasn't been doing her best in the recent time on being responsible. regina and laurie just got home and as I'm trying to think they are telling me about some kind of tattoo or something I don't know and I feel bad but I have to do this assignment. oh well I hope they didn't think I was being rude. this is kind of hard because I think so much faster than I type. mija just ran with laurie. she is so cute! sometimes she smells really bad though, but I guess I do to when I don't take a bath for awhile. I want to see regina's hair because she got it done today too it looks really cute and it has red in it and blonde and I think she looks good with it. Kevin called today and wants mom and dad, well everyone to put their money they're contributing for grandma and grangpa's thing in cash so they can give it to them in this game show thing. the lady who did our hair is like 50 something but looks a lot younger. like 35 or 40 - no lie. well the television was just turned on and was talking about football now something is on about a comedian. I like black people, they are so much fun to be around and they are not as uptight, well when it comes to their family I guess they are but not just in general. I like jz he's cool but I don't know I think that I like all kinds of music, not any kind in particular. sometimes I feel really left out because so many people know these alternative bands, but I don't because I don't really like the music as much as I like oh wow mija is getting a bath by laurie, yeah! other music like pop and rap. It's amazing how fast this time is going by like I thought it would take a lot longer or seem like I was typing a lot longer. I like that song and I can't believe a 14 year old sings it - jojo what kind of a name is that! I like the bangs I got cut, but I don't know if I am going to be able to fix it like this myself. Kyle is coming over later and I hope he likes my hair. and if he doesn't well it's not like I can do anything about it. I wish I was better at volleyball and could have done more with it. I mean I can jump high, but I can't hit hard. wow the gymnast was really short, but the volleyball player standing next to her she was so tall, I am glad I am tall, except when it comes to finding pants long enough wow I really have problems typing. today I changed in the car, that was really not fun I should have planned it better. oh well I guess no one saw and if they did then lucky them, just joking. usa wow I'm really lucky to live here and have my own choices. shampoo always smells good, well not always, but most of the time. it would be so nice to be rich. I need to read my psychology book and my biology book man both ologies, lol. breathing is a good thing. laurie can't reach the shampoo that's no fun. my fingers are starting to get tired from typing so much.

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A steam of cousiness paper is kind of a weird thing to do, but in a way simple. At the moment all I can do is think about this paper and the impression I am going to make by putting down what I have to say. Will I sound smart, dumb, or am I completely doing the wrong thing. Oh well I guess there is not to much I can do about it now. I almost waited until the last minute to do this and I was afraid that the system might be backed up or something, just like the prescreening survey. Wow!!! I waited until the last minute to do that and I was sitting at me computer for just about 4 hours. I guess that proves I procrastinate pretty often. Sometimes when events like this happen I try to fix the problem and I do good for awhile. For example I won't but things aside and and do things sooner than later, but after about a week, I am back to my old habits. Today I actually got stuff accomplished, but then ageing I didn't because, here I am a couple of hours before this assignment is due, trying to complete it. I am hoping that my internet connection won't crash or some other phenomenon, such as bad weather, won't affect me turning in this assignment. Thing of bad weather made me thing of all the unfortunate events that have happened due to the hurricanes in the Florida area. Bad weather, such as tornados, hurricanes, floods, is something that really frightens me. I think it is really a big fear of mine. When I hear that a tornado might be in the area, automatically, I thing the worst and am afraid for my life. I guess I just wouldn't want to go that way. Although its not a popular way to die, like cancer or drunk driving, its just scary to thing about. But after all the destruction in Florida there haven't been to many deaths reported, a lot more than there should have been. This is a very serious topic and never thought it would take me to this. I just hope the situation clears up soon and the areas recover as soon as possible. Recovery can sometime be the hardest thing to cope with and get through and that goes with any kind of recovery. Such as when you get in a wreck and have to recover from that or even recovery from a long night of partying and drinking. That requires a different type of recovery. my fr

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homework in the midst of my pre-cal assignment because my pre-cal is too long and really rather boring. plu, I need to catch up because I didn't start doing homework until the begiining of this week instead of doing a little each night, my mistake. I hope to finish this writting assignment, the pre-test, my pre-cal assignment and read some for astrology tomorrow. it's a lot but it will catch me up. then tomorrow I can begin my new pre-cal assignment and I can focus on my art project thurs and if necessary I can catch up on more psy. and pre-cal thursday evening. I'm also going to lunch with my frien james on thursday. james is a very good friend of mine and whenever I need to talk or unload my thoughts, james is excellent. plus, I'll put in a good couple of hours at my intern. david is going to teach me how to use my dad's camera and stuff so that sunday I can run another photo shoot and have some pictures developed. then, I'll have those pictures to play with and I plan on getting some of my negativesput on a cd disk so I can manipulate those pictures also. I have a very busy life going right now. I don't know how I cram it all in sometimes, but honestly, I like to have something to do at all times. I don't know why, I'm not very good at sitting still alone. only if I'm watching t. v. or something. I'll get my new job schedule on thurs. I just changed jobs because I was tired of working at the old one, that and I hadn't received a raise in a year. the sad thing is, I don't know if I'll be getting paid any more at this new place. as long as I don't take a pay cut I'll stay, I just need a new enviroment with new things to do. I'll be working at bath and body works, I think it'll be fun, because I like the things they sell there and I get to be the saleswomen. I enjoy selling things to people. my managers seem nice also. I might have to work at five in the morning a few times a year and I'm not looking forward to that at all. I've never done inventory before so I don't know what it involves, but I don't see the point in getting workers to the store at such an early hour if we'd be more productive a little later, even seven sounds more reasonable. I'd rather not worry about that until I know for sure that I'll be going in that early. I wonder what you're gather from all of my ramblings? five more minutes to go. I don't know how this is suppose to go, whather I should just write waht's on my mind or as if I'm talking to you at the other end. I gues in the end they're both going to get you the same stream of con. types of thoughts, huh? I hope I can log onto the pre-test when I'm done with this, I tried it first and the server wouldn't let me on, yours or mine I don't know, I don't like computers much any how. I guess this was as good a way as any to put off the rest of my pre-cal since I'm being productive in the mean time. I could have gone and watched tv, or read my book (not some school assignment. ) well now, that wasn't hard at all, I guess I'm good at rambling. my time's up.

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I need to get out more. I work all the time and go to school, and leaves so little time forme. Both of my parents a sick and living at home was kind of already planed. It makes you a stronger person to get stuck doing the stuff I do, but I wonder what it would be like to be normal. What it would be like to be selfish or not even selfish,but to not have so many people relie on me. I want to meet boys and just hang out, but I'm so shy. I think I look ok, but is ok enough? I'm 22 years old and one guy has approched me with saying something to make me mad. A lot of my frinds insted of being happy for me are so negative. We are no dating, I've never been on a date, so should be single for ever. I miss steven, but should I he's been sent overseas probably to fight. I only knew him for a few days and then he got his orders to leave. He gave me his phone number, but I can't call him.

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I hate driving in Austin. There is never any parking and there are scratches on cars everywhere. People are so impolite when it comes to cars. Jay just kept running in to this car just because he didn't care about his own, someone hit my brand new car. And now I have no paint there, if my parents find out they are going kill me. My mom didn't want me to take it with me. I hope the body shop does a good job. That is my main concern. I had a headache this morning. I think from thinking too much and from drinking last night at the frat house. My roommate was being nice to me this morning. Jerry told me she talks about me and that we both know we annoy each other. my dad said we wouldn't get a long from the beginning. And boys are so much trouble. Why does Sak always have to do this to me? I think I will finally answer his question truthfully now. I thought I had been, but he was right, I'm still hiding something. I don't understand what he means when he keeps asking me what I want. And then he says not to want anything. Why must he always try to be the good guy? I don't know if he is telling me the truth. If he says he could have fallen for me then why does he tell me not to want anything? This boy is driving me nuts. I don't understand why he keeps doing this. Deep down, I think I know the answer. But I guess I hide from things a lot. People always say I hide myself. Sak says I hide myself in questions. I do. I never answer personal questions. I answer them with questions. I don't know why. Maybe I do need a psychiatrist. I think too much. I think I scare Sak. Because he just got out of a long relationship and he fell in love with the girl and she broke his heart. I don't like her. She doesn't like me either. I've never spoken to her face to face but she does not exactly give you those warm fuzzy vibes. She looks at me funny. I think she's stringing him along. That's why he does this to me. But then he told me I was wrong. He said he doesn't want the past and that he can't. I think it scares him to let himself go. For some reason I think he's the person who can help me figure myself out. He saw through me hiding behind questions. But I think it's because I don't doubt him. I trust his opinions and his thoughts. That's something I don't do with most people. I trust him. Which surprised me. It usually takes me a long time to get close to someone. Maybe because I am always hiding. For some reason I think he has the key to unlock whatever it is I am hiding. And I think he knows exactly how to open what ever it is that I can't open myself. That's what I want, I guess. I want to tell him the truth but I can't. Because like him. I am hiding. We're both hiding. Only he does a better job at it. Probably because he is a guy. Why do I trust him? I don't understand that. But sometimes I think he says things just so he is not the bad guy. Why do I trust him so much? I think because sometimes he reminds me of myself. I remember when I first met him; I was not attracted to him. He looked cunning to me. Like he had the wits to take advantage of people because he was so smart. But then I think he also has the heart not to. That's why I think I started to like him. He has a good heart. And I think that's one quality that is hard to find. Oh my gosh! I guess this answers his question of what I think about him. I think I will give him a copy of this one day? I will tell him the truth. The entire truth of what I thought when I first met him until now. But I also want him to tell me too. Because I don't want to be the only one who opens up. But I don't think that will ever happen. I think my twenty minutes is about to be up. And I have such a bad memory; I don't remember anyone's name. I feel so bad. Why can't I remember? That's unfair to me because people know who I am but I have no idea who they are. I need to work on my memory.

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The reality that college isn't just one continuous party is finally beginning to set in now that I have chpaters of information to read in all of my classes. I think somewhere in my mind I thought that college would be easier and less stressful than high school because it seems like there'e more free time. Well, I know now that this will not be so. All my free hours during the week will be full of reading, studying, writing, reading, studying, writing. I'm really afraid that I won't know what to expect on examinations. I've spent about an hour reading twenty pages out of my psychology book and can't imagine what I'm going to do. Reading and reading gets so boring, except when the material is very interesting. I also started reading my Economics, and enjoyed reading the parts that I recognized as being covered in class. I've discovered that going out every night and staying out until 2:00 a. m. is not going to cut it. The first week of school I tried this and could hardly stay awake during class. There are lots of pressures both externally and internally to go out and "party" and meet people every night. Externally, I'm a member of a sorority and we're supposed to party a lot with our sorority sisters. Internally, I feel like I'm missing out or something if I don't go. Maybe there's a cute guy out there just waiting for me to meet him, yeah right. I ran into this guy randomly on the street outside of UTC that I had met at Orientation. We recognized eachother and talked for a minute. A couple days later I saw him in my EConomics class. It would be so cool if some how we were to start talking or something. But, great things like that usually don't happen to me. My roommate and friend across the hall both make fun of me for having such a crush on this guy. I really like them a lot. We all got so lucky with the girls staying in our hall. Everyone is so nice and we get along well. I especially like my roommate. We have the same interests, likes, and dislikes. We aren't in the same sorority which kind of makes me sad, but we still do stuff together. Last night we stayed in and worked on our psych pretesting which took me like two hours after the UT football game. We were pretty bummed that they lost.

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I just got out of your class after watching the video and I was disappointed that I couldn't do a personality survey. I really wanted to do one. I like to find out things about myself that I might not have been aware of . yesterday I bought a postcard that had my horoscope sign and a description of the characteristics people of this sign have and I thought, as it usually turns out to be, that this card just about pin pointed a lot of the qualities that I have of course a few things were off the mark for goodness sake we are more complex than a few words that tell everyone born within a certain time span who they are, what they should be like, and what they would be good at. I'm really tired I wish I could fall asleep and not have to worry about any assignments. gosh we have to read for every class every day. I'm also taking sociology so a lot of the stuff in psy are the same, but obviously both sciences don't agree. I wonder how I'm going to keep all the facts straight. my soc teacher is boring cause he teaches straight from the book he makes me sleepy at 3:00 in the afternoon how is that possible? my other classes are cool because teachers teach from the book but insert their own ideas an anecedotes. which I like a lot. I wish I knew how to approach my professors and to just talk to them. I enjoy talking to people but classes this big don't really allow you to. I'm also intimidated by the professors for goodness sake we can no longer say miss or Mr. now its Dr. I am so not used to that. I feel so dumb and in awe by them. maybe that's why I can't figure out a way to approach them. one of my instructors on the first day of class called on me first and I was kind of sleepy and gave a partially correct and that sounded stupid and I heard people giggle. gosh I felt dumb. I still can't forget about it. it's like one of those experiences that everyone else forgets except you and you still think they remember. twenty minutes of writing is a lot of time but I just looked at my watch and I only have 3 minutes to go. I love psy. I love to give advice and find out people's personalities but ironically I'm not trying to pursue a career in that. maybe later I'll change my mind and do it who knows. all I want is to graduate but it's no longer like high school. now I'm not sure if I'm capable of succeeding. I want to succeed but with A's and without having to study so much. high school spoiled me got used to getting by with out studying. but now it's a whole new adventure.

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Well, I'm in my dorm room right now and I just finished playing a computer game called WarCraft 3. It's a very addicting game and I think I play it too much. I should be doing more important stuff like studying, or I could read a book or something like that. I'm feeling pretty happy because today I really don't have any more classes to go to, but I know I have homework to do. I also have to go reset my business passwordfor my email account at the Millenium Lab. Even though I'm feeling fine right now, overall I feel pretty overwhelmed with me in college and all. I also have other stuff on my mind which worries me. Stuff that deals with my family and friends. I think I left a lot of loose ends back home in Houston. I really want to tie up those loose ends though. That's one thing about me I like; I may not finish doing something or procrastinate a lot, but I always end up finishing a job, which I think is very important. If you start something you have to finish it or at least that's how I feel. I'm listening to music on MTV now and I love listening to music. I would'nt feel comfortable if there was not some kind of noise happening in here. I don't like it when it's silent for some reason. I prefer when the TV is on, or someone is talking to me. For some people, relaxing means laying down in silence. For me, it's listening to my favorite songs. And I like all kinds of songs. Rock, Rap, Hip-Hop, Alternative, Classic Rock, and even some country and classical. I'm pretty well-rounded in my musical tastes. I think that reflects me as a person also. I am very accepting of all types of personal tastes that others may have. I like that about myself also. I wonder how my parents are feeling about me being gone. I hate to admit it but I really do miss them. I also miss my sisters and playing with their kids. My niece and nephew's are so much fun to play with. I wish they were right here with me right now. I would love to show them the campus. I feel really bad about my dad having to pay so much money for me to get my education here. I want to help out more. I hate it when my parents have to put up money for me. I usually try to stay independant of the them when it comes to cash. I need to get a job soon to help out money-wise. It will be hard juggling school and a job, but I did it in high school. I know college is different than high school, but it's something I have to do. It will make me feel better. I've liked my time here at UT so far though. This is a really neat place. I mentioned before that I feel overwhelmed, but I'm trying to not make it stress me out. I'm pretty good at keeping my stress level low. Most people stress about little things, and that's not good for you. I'm hoping that I get good grades and I'm really going to try to do my best here and not just play around. Tomorrow is the September 11th anniversary (1 year). I see stuff about it all the time on TV. That event really made me feel patriotic and made me very very proud to be an American. It got me mad that people would do that. In fact it got me really mad. I wanted to do something and thoughts about joining the army came into my mind but I never really took that seriously. Instead I went to go donate blood. I figured I would try to help out any way I could. But all in all, I'm proud to be living in the greatest country in the world. I'm going to try and go to the ceromony on the south lawn. I hope it will be meaningful. Basically I have lots of emotions running through me, but the trick is to balance them as evenly as possible.

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that is what I think about a lot right now. having finished highschool, I was mentally done. I had had enough of intensive studying. I forgot however that I still had to college. the other thing I also think about a lot is the fact that I wish I was in the east coast studying. I wanted an out of state experience. but unfortunately could not get it. n. e. ways. right now I am also thinking of my first paper. I think it will be easy. but the fact remains that I have to do it. I can do papers once in a while. but if it ends up being every week or even every other week. I am going to have some serious problems. I already am having trouble reading. there is just too much to read and I am used to not having to read. in highschool, if you paid attention in class then you don't need to read. in college. paying attention in class usually doesn't matter. some teachers teach different things. but the crux of the info remains in the book. there will never be enough class time to teach everything in the book . so you have to read in order to teach yourself. I went to Chicago this weekend. the last attempt to extend my vacation as much as I could. now on I keep telling myself that I need to start buckling up. but Chicago was awesome. I met all my friends I met when I went to a camp in D. C. during the summer. it was cool seeing them all again. and making sure we keep in touch. I don't know if we'll keep in touch though. a lot of them live far. Chicago. new York. its hard maintaining friends here at UT let alone 1000 miles away. UT is pretty fun although. no matter where i8 am I can have fun. its just that I wasn't wanting this as my experience. since I have to take it I will make the most of it, but I know there could be better. plus. Austin is almost like an extension from Houston. and one of my goals was to get away from Houston. to get away from the same people. to get away from a bunch of social crap. the incredible thing is the fact at how awesome some of the girls are. I'm already having fun here. four days into school and I got a lot of fun!! I guess this is different than the type of girls I hung out in Houston. most of them were pretty traditional. here its really easy to get to know some girls who like to play around but are also pretty cool people. not the skanky or ho type. just cool girls who like physical fun. oh well. I'm getting pretty tired of expressing my stream of consciousness. plus I've been typing for about 20 minutes any ways. . so if anyone is really reading this. I'll see you later

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Well, here I am on Friday, September something. Ever since I started college I've had a hard time keeping up with the date. Not really a smart thing to do since I have to stay on top of things here. I need to start keeping a daily planner. I say that everyday but then I forget to do it and it's just one of those things that end up on my mental list of things to do. I'm pretty hungry right now. No, I take that back, I'm not that hungry. I could eat but it's not to the point where I feel like I have to eat. My friend and I are going to lunch today. I'm so glad that I've made a friend that I can hang out with and talk to all the time. It's not the same like my friends at home though. I miss Melissa and Amber. I really don't know why it is that we now talk multiple times to each other everyday but back home we would go days without speaking. We talk about nsync a lot more now too. Typical, we find comfort in them in our time of need. I wonder if the nsync guys would think that we're crazy if they knew that we talked about them everyday and that we have daily arguments about who Justin belongs to and who JC belongs to. They crack me up. Heck, I crack myself up. We talk on the phone and I have Melissa and Amber rolling on the floor with laughter. It's so awesome to make other peole laugh when usually I'm the one doing the laughter. A lot of times I just laugh to be polite. I fake it pretty well, if I do say so myself. I wonder if this assignment has to be broken up into paragraphs? Well, if this is just my one continuous thought then I guess not. Okay, I love my dorm and where we live but for goodness sakes, could somebody please turn up the air conditioning. I think the University is trying to freeze us into studying. I hope they know that they're just freezing me into complaining all the time. And another thing, is it impossible for people to not slam their doors? Really, it doesn't take that much effort to quietly close the door. I should randomly slam my door. I think every hour on the hour, I'm going to slam my door. No, that's not frequent enough. I'll slam the door every twenty minutes and see if they all get the point. Really though, dorm life is not bad at all. My dorm room is so cute and I really like my roommate. No waiting to use bathroom or shower stalls and we have an awesome living room setting. I still don't like to call this place home. Home is where Mom and Wayne are. This is where I reside. It would take a lot for me to consider this place home. I need to do my Biology homework. I wonder if all those scientists know how completely boring their jobs are? The funny thing is that at least they have something to do with their lives. I can't even decide what my favorite color is let alone what the crap I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure that life as a professional bum is out of the question. Don't think Mom would be proud of me then. Okay, looks like my time is running out and I should finish this on my own rather than be cut off mid sentence. Okay, how do I end this. I really don't know. This was actually kind of fun. Just another way for me to analyze my random, boring, and crazy thoughts. Red Hot Chili Peppers on VH1 now. Got to go. And we're out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Bye! (It says that I can finish writing, but honestly I got a date with a fine young man named Biology)

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Computers, I hate them. Today has been a very fustrating day. Hours spent on waiting on people. Hours that I have wasted. I am nerous about not what is coming soon. I have so much work to do. I still don't have my Organic Book for organic. Gosh, I am so behind and the first exam is coming up really soon and I still haven't study for it. Worries, how come people have to have all different kind of worries. Isn't that dumb. I need to start studying soon. I guess I just work sleep tonight. Stay up for a while studying. I also got to understand Mirco. I am also behind in mirco. School. ahhh. Oh well, school is ok, but I really miss my friends in Purdue. They call and write but I really miss them. Everytime I talk to them I feel like flying back to Purdue. hehe Larmie just said something funny. I am hungry. I didn't eat dinner coz I was on the phone waiting for the people on the computer to help me. I have this . I forgot. Anyway. I really miss everything in Purdue. My friends and that fall is coming. My friend just wrote me and told me about how fall is coming. That makes me very jealous coz fall is my favorite season and I won't be able to enjoy it. I am stuck here in Texas, hot hot hot. Gosh, I really miss Purdue. Evi, Jerry, everyone one else. I am getting annoy. I am using a friends comp coz my doesn't work now. anyway her boyfriend is online and wants to talk to her but I am using it doing this assignment but he keep on making these noise. My friend is on the phone talking to a friend from back home. I . can't wait until thanksgiving or xmas. Coz then my friends from PUrdue is coming to visit me and I am planni to visit them on xmas. One thing I like aobut UT, I guess, is that we have 5 weeks off. That is good. But if I go to work, I probably won't be able to go to IN. I want to eat, I guess, I will after I finish with this assignment. her boyfriend is making knocking noises now. I really want to tell him that I am doing an assignment now but then he will keep on asking and then I will waste my time, but he is really getting on my nerves. I don't want to be rude to him, since I am using my friends comp and he is her boyfriend. I still thinking about Purdue. How I miss that stupid place. I use to complain how I don't like it that much. But now, I trhink in many ways it is better than UT. I guess it is because I am not use to this place and that I haven't met that many friends yet. I don't think I will met that many friends now. Coz the people in my classes are either junior or senior. Some sophomore but not much. They all have there own group already and I guess they are not really interested in meeting anymore people. I just reply to her boyfriend and I don't know what I was going to say. Oh, well, Oh, people here I guess they are not in the stage where they want to make that many new friends. I understand coz if I were them I guess I won't either. If I was in Purdue, I probably won't make any new friends coz I already have my own. They know me and right now,here I still don't care much coz I still have friends back home. Not really home coz home is now in Texas. I wish I was back there sometimes but I also glad I am here, maybe I get to learn to be more independent. If I was in PUrdue right now, I probably don't have to worry about the comp coz I will have plenty of friends helping me setup. I don't even have to do it myself. I think I might learn something from this. I hope I do, coz if not, I will be upset coz going though all this and still don't know hope to fix the mistake I will feel useless. I don't want to feel useless. wow I think I am really hungry coz my stomach is making a lot of noise. Maybe in a few more minutes I can go to eat. i have to eat noodles, I guess it isn't that bad. After that I think I will go do assignment 2 and then I will go study , can't study orgo, coz I don't have the book, maybe microbiology. I need to understand that. I hope I can find someone who can help me with my problems. Just some friends like I have in Purdue, who cna help me when I need help. Some people who understand computers, some who can help me with classes and some who can help bring me places. Hmmm I wonder if I will make those kind of friends. If so, I hope soon. Until then, I guess I will miss PUrdue a lot. well, got to go eat coz I am really hungry. I think , I hope this is long enough.

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8

I am downloading stuff on kazaa. I've saved so much money this way. I need to make sure my grammar, punctuation, and spelling are correct. I have a basketball (plush) on my table, although I never play with it. Yeah, my web cam sucks. It's old. But free. My roommate is cool. He is sitting there doing the survey. I had a good day today. I want to go to the church next to Dobie. Probably this sunday. Yeah. Sunday sounds good. 1608 is my room number. I have a song stuck in my head right now. I can't remember the name of it. actually, I didn't know the name to begin with. Its a rap song. I need to charge my Palm m505. And take a shower. That would feel good. My mouth is dry. I need something to drink. Now I need to piss. It's really dark in here. This apple juice is not good for my teeth. I think there's sugar in it. Not good. Wow, it's only been 5 minutes and 20 seconds. That sucks. I'm getting bored. I want to play some computer games. Too bad I'm stuck with this assignment. Oh, now I have a different rap song stuck in my head. I think I'm obsessed with them. I remember listening to this song a few hours ago before dinner. I was at my friends house if I can remember correctly. Humans are funny. I need to spend my taco bell coupon. Coupon or Coupon? I've heard it pronounced both ways. I wonder when my parents are going to call? Probably soon after 9? Or maybe 9:30? Haha, I just remembered something from dinner. My friend was taking pictures of girls with his phone camera. The asterisk looks like a snowflake. I noticed that I like to stand my chair up on it's front two legs. Well, that is if it had legs. It's more like a bar on both sides and connected in the middle. At least its comfortable, unlike the ones in San Jacinto. Yeah. San Jacinto. I went on a field trip there. No, wait. It was Washington on the Brazos. Maybe that is close. I don't know. I like the way you do it right thar. A line from the song I have stuck in my head. Geez, its been 9:50 only. Like I said earlier, this sucks. Damn, I'm typing too fast and my grammar is messing up. My speaker system and subwoofer rock. My hands hurt from typing so much. I should study more. I haven't even opened any of my books yet. Oh well, the weekend is coming up. I can do most of my stuff then. I hope I'm not going to be like this later on in the year. It's a bad sign. I hope I don't get lost in my homework assignments. I can't seem to find the Philosophy 301 website. Not good. Yeah. I got a nice view from here. I need to email my parents and send them more pictures. Awww, how sweet of me. I never realized how long 13 minutes can be. Wow. It's like. long. Yeah, anyways, I feel kind of weird talking to myself. Weird? Or is it spelled wIErd? I will have to look that up later. I'm sore from sitting like this. Well, I only have 3 more items on my download list in Kazaa Lite K++. If you read this, get the K++ edition, not Kazaa, not Diet Kazaa, and not Kazaa Lite. K++ > *. Yuuuhhhhhhhhh. I'm bored. I need to shower. I already mentioned that didn't I? Awesome, only 4 1/2 minutes to go. This sucks. It's boring. I'm not thinking of anything. My neck hurts. I don't smell anything out of the ordinary. I guess I got used to the smell of my room. 3 more minutes! I don't think I can last that long. I don't want to go to prison. Heh, it's not a confession or hinting at anything I've ever done. I'm a good guy. Yeah. Good. Maybe too good. Nah. 1 1/2 minutes to go. Wow, I'm really slowing down. This would probably take up 1 to 2 pages in Microsoft Word, 12 point font, Times New Roman. It's kind of sad how I can know this. I will test it out whenever I finish the 20 minutes. I also need to test out w(ei/ie)rd. SAT format baby. Yeahhhhh! 15 seconds! I think I will just wait it out. I'm so happy now. YAY!

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18

This is kind of difficult to do, because I am still in school mode, and it is hard to just right anything because I am trying to make it acceptable to a professor but I am doing my best to keep righting continuously for twenty minutes, I guess we supposed to just right what were thinking about right now, so I will tell you, I am kind of hungry and I wonder if the cafeteria is open downstairs because I am to cheap to go out and buy my own food, michael Jackson is kind of scary don't you think, the way his nose just kind of pokes out at you is really weird and sometimes I shudder when I see pictures of him, but I am working on getting over that right now and hopefully I will be able to watch the thriller video with out breaking down into a sobbing mess I wonder why my roommates keep the room so cold, it is like an icebox in here and my toes are always freezing, I have to go stand outside on my balcony to warm them up during the day, I wonder what I will do during the winter when I can't use the sun to warm my toes I guess I will just have to buy a footbath I am excited about the video music awards coming on tonight because they are always good for a few good laughs but I have to run now so I will see you kids later

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20

I wonder if Jeff will like the game. It is a shooter type game and does have a fun factor that is pretty high but will it last us until Playstation 2. Maggie. I want to see her again. Hopefully a couple of weeks from now. I am starting at 4:23 so 4:43 is when I will be finished. This wristband is the most stupid idea and it sucks that I can't take it off. I have to get up really early on Thursday to get my tickets to the game. Jeff and I will go to Target well maybe not. We will look at the magazine for a while or on the internet and see if we can find some games. Why the hell did I turn the fan on it is so cold. I don't know what to do for dinner maybe I will read before hand so that we can watch Highlander. I should ask Grace if she wants to eat with us. Damn only 4 minutes have gone by. That whistling noise needs to be fixed but I guess I'm already used to it. Mike I must call Mike about the DBZ movies. Maybe when I have some money duh. Why the hell did I bring that statuette. I could easily fit it in with my stuff. I want to be laying next to Maggie and want her to be with me all the time. This cell phone thing is going to be expensive. Good the light is still flashing. Man its really hard mapping your own thoughts. Once I find a thought to write about my mind concentrates upon writing it down instead of just free thinking. Carpet is nice. It would suck not to have it the room would be colder than it already is. I probably need to wash my clothes soon I am running out in my drawers. Why is my keyboard making this strange thumping sound when I hit the space bar. It never did that before. Maybe because I am alone and there is no other. What's up Amar. Amar just came in. Someone standing behind you is really annoying. Ha ha. Jeff will be back at five. We need a new game. Sleeping with my girlfriend was great. Damn my morals! Windows sucks my ass. Sit down and play some games. 4:38 sweet! Yes my air vent is really annoying. Pool would be cool. Yah I played pool in a while. Not really that good. You have your own stick bastard. I didn't know you have to have your own here that sucks. Come back soon. Oh well at least he is nice. I so badly want to have sex with Maggie but my religion and morals, life tells me not too. It would ruin both our lives. We could do it protected but there is too much risk. The amount of pleasure is not as great as the amount of possible pain, suffering, and problems we could incur. Yes its 4:43 I am done. Out.

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27

It is the first time that I have done this and I don't think it is at easy as it sounds. For though there are no mathematical equations to solve I do think it is pretty hard to keep on writing without stopping for such a great amount of time (20 minutes is a lot of time) I don't really know what to keep on writing, since right now I am just worried about the fact that this are going to be the longest 20 minutes of my life. I have just received and email of my cousin and I'm so glad because she is now working and it makes me think how great it would be for me to get a job, since today I went again, to speak to the person in charge in the cactus café and no one was there, and the girl told be that there were no open jobs and specially not at the time that I need. I really want to work because I don't want to spend more money given to me by my parents since I'm fully aware that they need it for things far more important that what I am using the money for (clothes, food, personal expenses in general. When the eternal 20 minutes go by I shall reply to my cousins email and express to her the great gratitude I feel towards her email since at the present time she has been one of the only people in my family, which have supported us in this time of nee. This is really hard for me because I feel like I'm writing like a two year old since this isn't my native language. It would be so much more comfortable if I could write in my language, since when my mind is working it is usually processing information in English. Right now the phone is ringing and I guess this is Jorge since he said he was going to call. I really hope its not anyone from home for I would be really disappointed and sad if they called and me being here did not pick up the phone just because I am doing this stupid homework which at the time seems pretty irrelevant, to what I am feeling at the present time. I am just repeating myself and a set of common American expressions that come to my mind, this is pretty stressing because I want to look at the monitor and check out how much have I written and specially I want to check out the timer. for I have taken a cooking timer to control my minutes typing so that I wouldn't have to stop to watch the clock. While typing other thoughts go past my mind but they are probably in Spanish and I am probably just ignoring them so that I don't make typos, this makes me think of my stupid physics teacher, I'm so glad I don't have to take any more physics in my whole life. I don't really know what I want to study, each time I go to the introduction to psychology class my mind plays tricks on me and I start visualizing myself in various occupations and I'm not quite sure of which one truly fits me. I couldn't resist so I took a look at the timer and I just realized that only ten minutes have passed and they have passed so slowly, its like when you are up at night not being able to sleep and scared of the dark and listening to the clicking of the clock and time just passes so slowly. Well I would just like to get it over with since I am basically trashing 20 minutes in front of this computer not doing any real thinking or insight process but just mechanically typing and typing and typing and when I make a mistake I just press the backspace and keep on going. Well since I don't know what else to say I'll keep on exploring my thoughts related to my future and my career. I think a really important issue is due to me, going to this jerk astronomer who separated my life into two: before and after I went. I am really worried of what he said dealing with marriage and divorce, it has always been a fear I have had and that day he just said it to me as if nothing was the matter. And of course something is the matter because once they tell you something like that you won't be able to forget it ever. Also what he said about me having problems with my baby like miscarriages or stuff well I think he shouldn't have said that either. I wish I could have entered the business school since I would be having a respectable title of a carrier but since I didn't then I just en up having all these classes, which I really enjoy but which are making me feel more confused. I really like the university and the classes and the teachers, but I haven't made many friends and although I know it has nothing to do with my self worth I do feel a little upset because I have been hirer for over three weeks and still I don't feel like I have a lot of friends. I just took a look at the watch and I think this is finally it!

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30

Okay, now is the time -- I usually don't have trouble writing for a long period of time - at least typing, because I think I type faster than I write. I am continuously writing e-mails to people. In fact, one semester I was even addicted to the Internet! I was always on it. I wasn't as bad as my roommate at the time thought he never even went to class! I couldn't believe it. At least I knew to be addicted at nighttime! Anyway - I enjoy typing and I really enjoy writing my thoughts. This stream of consciousness reminds me of my senior year in high school when we got to read James Joyce in my English class. It was the best book I read all year - the Portrait of the Artis as a Young Man - does this computer have a way to skip to the next line, or do I do that myself? Well - I shall do it myself. OK - anyway - about Stephen Dedalus - in James Joyce. The entire book was written the way I am writing this essay. I guess it is an essay -- I always thought they were spelled like S. A. ! but - that seems stupid when you think about it. Psychology really seems interesting. But - I know the tests are hard. I am graduating in December and I have always wanted to take Psy. I just never had the time when it came to my major and all the government, etc. classes I had to take. I can't wait to graduate. There is so much red tape at this institution. Yesterday - just to add into a class that wasn't even full - My God. You would think the class is controlled by Zeus himself! I had to fill out forms - and then I had to make inquiries and get permission from the professor. Just so I could take Accounting 310f for Non- Business majors that isn't even a grade for me since I am taking it pass/fail. Now does that not sound stupid. Sometimes I think education has become too much like government. Not enough quality - just a lot of quantity of BS where nothing is really ever accomplished. The status quo just seems to prevail. I think that is terrible. but -if you think about it - it makes sense. This institution cares not if I get a good education- but rather if I am able to jump through all the hoops it places before me. Whether I can read the fine print and take all the courses and get all the red tape cut before I graduate. Is that what the college experience should be about? I guess college prepares a person for life. Not in the classes taken per se - but in the lifestyle of the student. So - if I understand that life is simply college magnified, and if I can jump through all the hoops placed before me in college and actually graduate with my 120 hours, then maybe life won't be as complicated and difficult. The question then becomes if life gets more simple and less strenuous and frustrated, then shouldn't college follow in suit? Since I don't believe that will ever happen, I guess the college is here to stay. If anything - college prepares a person for graduate school! Law school, oy - a Yiddish expression - I can't wait for that! I am taking a course now on constitutional law by Dr. Perry. I absolutely love it. - It mystifies me, the Constitution. What does is cover - what responsibilities does it have. How does one know? All these questions can be answered and asked in this class. There are only 10 people in the class - compared to the 500 or so in PSy. class, I would say that's pretty good! I think I figured out how to do these lines on this computer I just have to push return before getting to the end of the line instead of writing one line to eternity. How does the TA actually know that I spent 20 minutes on this? What if I simply type really fast and I get more words on the screen than the next guy? What if I say -- well, it's only been 5 minutes but - I gotta go? Who ever thought of that movie with Woody Allen about the future and sex is regulated! DAMN! I promised myself to write about everything in the world not having anything to do with sex. I thought that for 20 minutes I could think of not having sex. Damn. I guess I am just a typical 21 year old guy who can't get his mind out of the gutter. that really upsets me I always thought I could be more than the average Joe. Well - that shall be for my next paper on the college experience. Boy - are y'all gonna love that or what?!! GOTTA GO NOW -- THE PROFESSOR IS CALLING ME!!!

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14

I went to my sorority's crush party last night. I didn't really know what to expect because they had it at Buffalo Club and I don't dance, I don't smoke, and I certainly don't look 21. At any rate, I wasn't having very much fun after 30 minutes. At that point a guy came up to me and asked me to dance, I figured it couldn't be any worse than standing around so I said yes. We ended up hanging around with each other the entire evening. We exchanged phone numbers and I kind of figured that was the end of it. It was about twelve-thirty when I drank half of my "big sister's" Long Island Iced Tea and I have to say I think that it really impaired my judgement. I got talked into going to Dance Across with three of my sorority sisters and the guy who had been hanging around me. I had fun, we danced, but he isn't exactly the kind of guy I'm particularly attracted to. For some reason I put that aside, became extremely flirtatious, and even let him French kiss me after having met him only four hours before. I feel really cheap now, I never do things like that. I don't really know what the reason for my actions was (I'm blaming it on the drink, but that's probably not the problem because the effects had worn off before the end of the evening). Maybe I'm somewhat lonely, it's been about three months since I've had a boyfriend. The problem is that I woke up this morning and regretted last night. I feel like I used this guy, I didn't mean to. Maybe it's not that I don't want a boyfriend, maybe it's that I don't want him as a boyfriend. The worst thing about this is that I've been in his position before (having someone kiss me than decide they don't want me, in fact, it was last week) but it hurt my feelings and I think it's extremely insensitive of me to do the same thing to someone else.

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29

So far I have been at UT for I guess 6 school days, and I can already feel myself slipping. School was so much simpler in middle and elementary school. Why can't I go back? Let’s see. what did I do today? I woke up around 2 (we have lives around here), and was bugging my sister to take me to church. I haven't been there since I don't know how long, but I need to start going again. my ex-boyfriend called and I don't know how it made me feel. I want to be free of him and not have to deal with any of his problems. I don't want to desert him, but I don't know what he wants from me and what I can possibly do for him. it wasn't a really serious relationship and to tell the truth I have no idea what I was thinking when I went out with him. he's not my type at all and my parents would be so disappointed if they found out. thank goodness it's over already. I don't know how I feel about him. I would like to be his friend, but that's it, and I also don't know what he wants. isn't this depressing? Guys. Don't they all suck? I wrote my would-have-been-boyfriend in high school and for some silly reason I am still waiting for him to reply. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe things will work out in the next ten years or so. I get really tired and depressed when I think about my ex and I don't know what to do about it. I want to be his friend, but I know he wants more and I don't think I can offer him that. I need to ask him what he wants or rather expects from me. He comes from a broken home and has a LOT of problems that I don't want to deal with. He's from Port Arthur and asked me to come down for his birthday. Funny I was actually considering it. what's wrong with me? I called my little sister (12 yrs. old) and she wasn't home. Neither were my parents. I think they are at my aunt's house eating as usual. they live in new orleans and I miss them a lot. I need to come back and visit and I don't think I can do that until Christmas vacation. that sounds a lot better than Christmas break. It really bothers me that I didn't capitalize most of the words that should be capitalize, but I shouldn't be worried about that right? I am so unenergized right now. I need to go jogging or something, but it is late. I can't believe Princess Diana died. Mother Teresa also died, yet she didn't get as much attention as Princess Di. So much has happened in my short 17 years life span. I can actually tell my kids that I was alive when Princess Di and Mother Teresa died. it seems as if everyone is dying. isn't that sad? I just found out that an acquaintance of mines is pregnant again. I don't know how to feel. this isn't her first pregnancy and she should know better. what is this world coming to? my cousin is going through a break up right now and I don't know what I can do to help. I know she can do better than him, but I also know that she likes him a lot. What's a girl to do? I am really relieved that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, yet why am I still commenting on that? I was a lot better before he called. I just wish he could disappear and I don't know. he really needs to straighten out his life. you know what the funny thing is? I think that the bad guys are the guys that like you more. it may not be true, but when it is, it is. let my rephrase that. when a guy that's on the wrong side falls (for you), they fall hard. I don't know if anyone has fallen for me yet. it is midnight and I still have other things to do. thank goodness I remembered about this. I actually don't mind typing like this. this is just like one of my journal pages that I try to do at least twice a week. I really believe that it serves as a stress reliever and should be done more often. well it's been 35 minutes so I’m outta here. lan ngoc ngo

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31

I just woke up a little bit ago and decided to go ahead and get this done. I tried to sit down yesterday and do all my homework but when I got an offer to go shopping, I just couldn't resist. My boyfriend's sister was in town and every time I go to Houston, she is really sweet with me and takes me out so I couldn't just let her sit at the apartment. We went to the Arboretum and looked around. Honestly, I don't have any money to be spending right now so I didn't buy anything but as soon as my check comes in, there are a few things that I have in mind. This whole not working thing is really different for me. For the past 4 years I've always been working and able to by my own stuff. But now, my parents decided that school is more important and I should take 15 hours and just not work. So at first the idea sounded really great but the more time passes the more I realize it's not going to work out. My parents are giving me living money to go out to eat and to the movies and stuff but on top of that they pay for my apartment, all the bills, and school. There's no way I would ever ask for more money, the money that I need for my friends and sisters birthday, plus my boyfriends birthday and Christmas. Carlos' b-day is Dec. 12 which is not too far away from Christmas, so I wanted to sort of combine his presents. In January some of my best friends and I always go skiing and this year it's going to be a bunch of us with our boyfriends!! So I was going to pay for half of Carlos' skiing trip as his Christmas present. But now that my parents pay for everything for me, I can't ask them to send me on this trip plus another half of the cost for Carlos, I would just feel weird asking. So I plan to tomorrow afternoon, after I get done with class, to go and apply to a few places here around Far West. I really just want a few hours a week, something for a little extra money. Hopefully I could work in a coffee shop, that would be ideal. I thought about Starbucks which is literally 1 minute from my front door but what I'm afraid of is that they'll give me the early (like 5am) shift. There is now way I can handle that on a Friday or Saturday morning. So we'll see, hopefully I get something soon. Ok well now what do I write? I have 5 more minutes left. oh some good news. My dad called me last night and gave me the great news that he won Incubus tickets!! My dad is so amazing when it comes to wining things on the radio. He's won a car, trips to Cancun, London, Arizona, Seattle, New Mexico (all paid for trips of course), probably 100 tickets to Six Flags and Sea World separately, and so many concert tickets you wouldn't believe it. He's just really good and always has about 4 radios going at the same time, all on different stations. Ok well I just realized that I only have 1 minute left so I guess I'll wrap things up. I do wan to say that I liked this assignment very much and that we should do all of the. bye.

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28

Right now I am thinking about the convocation I have in about 45 minutes. But I'll definitely need to leave in around thirty. that boy Michael was really cute. really cute. he is the first nice looking Mexican that I have seen yet. Ok maybe there were a few others but he lives on my floor and he introduced himself. that's one of the things I don't like about this school. no one introduces themselves to each other. it's like everyone only cares about their own lives and won't be bothered by anyone else's. but you know what. I think everyone else wants to meet people too, at least the majority but they just don't know how to go about doing it so they act like they don't care and disinterested or they act like they are much too busy and much too good for anyone else. it's very sad I think. at the beginning everyone is all excited, expecting other people to be really nice and friendly and then they meet the first bitchy person. Now they realize how things work around here and in an effort not to get thwarted and rejected by another person, they too take on the same attitude and on goes the downward spiral. just because we all fear a little bit of rejection. Sad really. that was my friend matt from economics class. He's not really my friend but I sit next to him in class. he seems nice enough and he is going to let me borrow his econ book since mine has not come in the mail yet. I'm going to be so behind in economics. I tell you. I really like that class though. so anyways. I know how this goes because I thought everyone would be nice and friendly but I was met with blank stares when I smiled at anyone anywhere on campus with the exception of a few. A very few. whatever. I am still going to smile and I am still going to introduce myself and be nice because otherwise I will be miserable and unapproachable like those people. ugh. I just put "so anyways" instead of "so anyway" I think that sounds as dumb as "laters" when one really means "later". that is really very jr. high. I miss those days. I wonder how Cindy is doing. ugh. I really don't want to go to the convocation because everyone is just going to be with their own little group and I will be an outcast once again. I'm pretty and nice and outgoing and popular and smart. Damn that sounds really conceited. Maybe I'm a little of that too. I considered erasing a couple of those adjectives but I think that's pretty dumb considering I really do think those things about myself. it's not socially acceptable to think good things about yourself. It's much more appealing to not know any of the good things about oneself. I confess that I too am attracted to ignorance of ones own worth and humility and modesty. But if you know it about yourself I think it is worse to act like you are modest and humble than to just admit it. Within reason that is. so anyway. I am these things but I feel like people don't want to reach out and meet new people and therefore I get shafted. I know they will like me if they get to know me but it's that introducing part that is really limiting. kind of stops the whole getting to know you thing prematurely. I am so proud of myself lately. I am being such a good girl. Although my habit of exercising everyday at 5 has been rudely interrupted with today's events of the five o'clock dinner at Trudy's which was pointless to attempt because I missed it anyway. I should have just gone to work out anyway and not let meetings and such get in the way of my schedule esp. when they are unimportant. I'm really irritated by that. but back to the story. I have been developing such good habits. I make my bed everyday, I wash my face twice a day, I get all my assignments down early or at least I begin them really early. O shit. I just got a little flash of procrastination. That sneaky devil. NO GO AWAY!!!. I'm not going to be a procrastinator this year. I just don't have the time for that. I run every day . Mon-thurs. 2 miles a day. plus I see a few cute boys in the gym that's always nice. kind of a motivating factor. when I get back from the convocation I'm going to go run otherwise my whole system will be screwed up. Damn that dinner. UGH. What else do I do. O yea. I didn't even go out last weekend and I had no desire too. I haven't been drinking. I haven't been too flakey. With the exception of ross but that's quite not my fault most of the time. Anyway we are good terms at the present. I'm being a pretty good daughter. I finished my scholarship applications stuff. what to write about now. I want to write about something cool. No luck. I really want to join the p2 chamber music group but I hope that they allow flutes. Bad flutes in lol. I'm probably really bad by now. I wonder if there is practice rooms around. I need to find one anyway to practice the piano anyway. I thought it would be a lot easier to get guys here. I thought they'd be all confident and just come up to you. And then I would act all shy and innocent. It's just how I act. Natural reflex to wanted attention. Sometimes I think I'm so stupid. And then they would flatter me and ask me out. And I would act like I wasn't really sure. I little bit suspicious of their motives. (and rightly so I imagine) and then I would say ok and give them my number and things would be lovely. well I have to go to the convocation that will steal hours of my life away. see yaw. This has been a pleasant venting experience I tell you.

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31

I just met her parents and sister and they are very nice people I am glad to be rooming with her I am not sure her religion but she is from san antonio she is indian kyle is coming over here in a few minutes I hope he comes soon we might go out to eat at a really good restaurant I want to but I'm n not sure if he does in a way I am upset with him but I don't know whether to keep it to myself he was supposed to come over this afternoon and we would spend all day together but oh well he was doing something earlier with his friends dad just called and emily is going on a date I wish I met the boy but emily likes him a lot it's weird to think that I was younger than emily when kyle and I started going out and we have been together ever since i love kyle ummmmmm I want to get icq on the internet to talk to aunt debbie all the time I wish I could see kristin and melissa and brooke and other friends that I miss a lot we are all going to homecoming though and we'll have some crazy stories I'm sure I hope kyle gets here soon should I change my clothes to go out or wear this I don't know hmm maybe I'll call kristine tomorrow and we'll do something together who knows maybe I'll call amy she is so nice and fun to be around oh and I have to see jennifer in psy class monday because at a party we found out that we were in the same class I thing that is really cool I want all of my classes to be interesting and not too hard man I'm kind of worried about all the classes and tests and exams and stuff but I am so excited about the football games that are starting in a week they will be so much fun to go to I'm sure more fun than high school football games but I don't know I'll probably miss being in the drill team and dancing at half time I wonder if jamie is trying out for the dance team here or not she would definitely make it she is so awesome at dancing I hope she tries out and is really successful to show sarah g. that she can do anything that last year just wasn't for her in majesties I'm done it's been 20 minutes yeah!!

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hmmm interesting clock. I didn't know there would be a clock timing me while I was doing this. I can't ummm. ummmmm,. ummmm. hmmmm. wonder if lunch with elon today will be good I mean. I wonder if we'll have a good conversation because the past times we've talked it seems we always run out of conversation . geee my feet feel kinda sweaty. its nice in the room but yet my feet feel sweaty must be the humidity setting on the air conditioning. Probably will tell dad the next time I meet him. Wondering how he will react when I tell him that I gave the guitar away. He will probably get mad but I have to try not to worry too much about what's going to happen and just trust in God who will help me. If God asked me to do it, I trust He will help me through whatever difficulty my faith may take me. Feet still sweaty. Times is ticking but I'm typing like I have a clock to beat. Ooh minimum number of words kinda thing. Wonder how ben is doing haven't mailed Him in a long time. Must be busy with his girlfriend or something like that. Hmmm I he still working in the botanical gardens. Don't know why I think that he is working in the zoo when he actually is working in a place with virtually no animals. Man my hair is getting in my face and all that. I didn't know I could type so fast with two fingers. Wait I need to tie my hair right. Ah ok that is not much better. Why do they have all the state capitols in a monthly planner. Thinking of something to write. Gee me feet are still sweaty. Maybe its some psychological thing. Thinking again of what to type. Hmmm I really should go and learn how to type properly and not just with four fingers. weird. Hmmm dog is sitting in the sun. Weird! He is hotter than most humans are and yet he still likes to sit out in the sun. Don't think he is cold blooded or anything like that. Hmm wonder what this letter is all about. 78727-3450. Full zip-code. Hmm the finish button looks good to click on. Hmmm what is this thing with humans and pushing buttons. Is there like some nerve in the brain that gives you the feeling of wanting to push buttons. I guess that is how people get into trouble. Push a button. Boom! Nuclear missile hits some other country. ok thinking of something to right. Man I have a lot of gas. Stream of consciousness writing. How could I really be type at the stream of my consciousness its like trying to chase a bullet train or something. Tap tap. Thinking of something. Hmmm rachel. scratch face. wonder what is going on between me and rachel. Will it never be over. Scratch ear. What's this tingling feeling I have in my feet. Weird it's gone. Man I feel like farting but I can't cause I'm afraid I'll poo in my pants. This is ridiculous I can imagine the person who gets to read this would be thinking what's up with this nutter. But then again I guess he is done it before so what he is thinking about is probably as crazy as the next person. Think I'll say hi. Hey sherlock. that should be right, right? He is the writing czar. what is a writing czar? its not like some kinda nazi right? Cause that would be scary. The writing nazi. Man I thinking I really need to go to the bathroom. Ok only 30 secs left. Hang in there. What? hmmm bleur! gah! woo hoo I'm almost done. till the next time. Good bye!

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8

Although I have waited until the very last minute to start this assignment, it was totally out of my control. I've been dealing with getting my laptop and setting up my Internet for about two weeks now. The Ethernet card was finally put into today, but only after harassing the front desk of my dorm about twenty times. So, now I'm connected to all my friends who either moved or do not go to UT. But, even though I might be connected, I barely ever get any real information about their lives from them. One of my best friends moved to College Station to go to school. It might be only a twohour drive, but I haven't seen her in almost a month. That is really hard when before she left we were seeing each other almost every day. And, I don't feel I'm making enough of a conscious effort to keep in touch with her. Maybe I think that if I don't speak to her then I won't miss her. I've also been overwhelmed with the changes of moving away from home, meeting new people, and getting adjusted. So, I might just be extremely busy right now, too much on my mind. I've wanted to graduate high school and be on my own since I was about twelve. I've always been extremely responsible and independent, not really seeing the need for strict authority, parents, teachers, etc. So, I figured moving out of my house and into a new environment would be a breeze. I've adjusted all right. I do my homework, don't stay out late on school nights, and go to all my classes. Psychologically though is a different story. I never realized how much I'd miss my parents, and only now do I really appreciate what they do for me. I got sick about the second week I moved into my dorm, and all I could think about was how I wanted my mom to take care of me. Me, miss independent just wanted someone to cook soup for her and tell her what kind of medicine to take. Also, dealing with campus size has been kind of hard. I grew up in a small town and went to a small high school where I practically knew everyone. I am living with a friend from high school, so that's made it a little easier. But still, I don't feel like an individual anymore. I feel like one in a huge crowd, which is exactly the case. Especially in this class. How do you get to know people when you sit by someone different every day and there are over five hundred people that walk through the doors? That's almost three times my graduating class. Five hundred is half the town of Dripping Springs. It's so different, and yet I'm only thirty miles away from home. I also haven't really found much to get involved with. I'm not into sports, and at this point I haven't really experienced anything that I love doing and want to pursue. The only thing I've really done as a group is me, my roommate, and a friend from one of my classes went to a Pill Start class. Which is what it sounds like, starting birth control. That's another thing, I got to this class, yet I'm not sexually active, and I feel like such a minority here in college. I went to the class as a preventative measure. You now, a just in case it happens when I'm drunk or not thinking straight, or maybe even if I get into a relationship where I actually trust my partner. I have this huge overwhelming fear of pregnancy, and I think that's stopped me from being intimate. And, I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Yeah, it has kept me from having sex, but I'm also in a state of fear about the issue. I'm worried my sister, my friends, anyone and everyone is going to get pregnant and that scares me. I worry so much about other people, and I feel responsible for them. Like, I'm always offering to take so and so to go get birth control. Then, they look at me like I'm a freak and explain to my how there's really no way they can get pregnant. I mean, they are using condoms. And all I can do is look at them and think "OH My God!" How can anyone be so nonchalant about such an important issue? If I ever got pregnant my life would change so much. It's way too much to even think about. And, I don't ever want to have to make the decision of if I should keep the baby. I love children so much, but I don't want them now, when I can't provide for them or give them the life I know they deserve. But, I don't really think abstinence is the answer either. I think that at some point I'm going to just have to get over this fear. I don't have a problem with sex; I just have a problem with all the scary things that can result from it. Ten minutes of pleasure is not worth disease, death, or even a new life (right now).

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22

I think the emmys are kinda boring tonight and I don't really feel like doing this assignment but I have to because I know I won't feel like doing it tomorrow because I have a busy day - I need to go wash my towels because I don't have any clean ones for tomorrow I wish the stupid laundry room was closer because I hate walking all the way down that other hall but oh well - my stomach keeps hurting because I drank too much last night I wish I hadn't done that because I have felt nauseous all day and its not fun - I don't like martin short I think he's annoying and his speech he is giving right now is not evn funny maybe I should study after I'm done with this instead of being lazy and sitting here watching tv all night - I hope that I am not behind in any of my reading because that would suck if I don't do well on my tests - I wonder where my roomate is and when she is coming back I haven't seen her all weekend but I'm sure she is just at her boyfriend's I just need to remember to tell her chris called twice today I wonder who chris is because I have never met him but he calls her a lot - our room looks messy right now I need to clean it but I don't feel like it the bathroom is starting to get pretty gross too but no one ever does anything about it because it sucks to clean up after other people especially in the bathroom maybe my mom will clean it for us when she comes to visit because she doesn't mind doing that kind of stuff for me - if she doesn't come this friday than I think I'm going to go home for the weekend because I want to sleep in my bed and have some good food and talk to my mom and my sister I need to ask karoline if she wants to go home this weekend too but she'll probably have architercture stuff to do I can't believe how much time she spends at the studio sometimes she's there till like three int the morning but I think she likes the other people there and one guy lives by her so she walks home with him inthe middle of the night - its kinda scary to walk around austin at night because there are a lot of weird people and you never know what could happen I was sort of scared last night when we left that arcade and were walking to the car I hope that I didn't scratch scotts door when it hit the curb because it made that awful noise

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22

Wow, that clock starts right off the bat. I always get nervous when things are timed, even if they're not important. Dangerous liaison. " I like that Jason Mraz song, its really fun and catchy. The stations here play really different music on the the same station, when they say "mix", they really mean it. They don't mix things up like that on Houston stations. They should its really fun to hear all this stuff without having to get up and change the station. I'm tired. Going to the gym really wears me out. OOO Fastball, I love this song, its so old, but I forget the name of the song. I need to start remembering to bring change to the gym so I can get a locker there, hold all my stuff really gets annoying. Especially when you're riding the bike or something and there's no place to put your cd player and your keys and the screen on the bike keeps demanding for you to "steady hands on sensors" in order to read your heart rate. Sometimes you just don't care what your heart rate is because you're tired of holding your hands in the same position for 20 minutes, but if you dare to take your hands off it flashes that message and sometimes beeps at you threatening to end your turn and start the time all over again. I really hate those dang sensors. Yeah, I know they're habitual to stare at while your working out, but they really frustrate me. Yesterday, the reading was wrong, saying my heart rate was only 100, that is not even my heart rate when I first get on the thing. I was tempted to go get on another machine but I had waited in line forever for that machine, so I just tried not to let it bother me the whole time I was on it. But I guess it did because I'm still thinking about it today. Commercial, commercial, commercial, I don't care about the sale at Stein Mart. I don't like that store, they play elevator music in there. I felt bad for my friends who worked there, having to listen to that while they worked, plus they said the pay was not that great. But I guess you get used to it, they plated easy listening at the steakhouse I used to work at, by the end of the night, I was singing along with all the songs while rolling silverware. You would be oh so happy whenever christmas rolled around and they played something different, plus I just love christmas music, its so happy and light. I could sing jingle bells any time, its great! that and that sleigh bell song, I can't remember its name though.

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14

As I sit in this room, in this computer lab, I hear all the different sounds around me. The computer is humming and somebody is opening a pack of some type of food. I also can't help but notice that this keyboard clicks loudly as I type. I've never tracked my thoughts before and this is actually kind of fun. My eyes are feeling very small because more than anything, I would love to take a nap. This day was pretty long. I hope this weekend is extra long and productive for me. I'm feeling so tired! I would love to just get up under my comforter and stuff my three pillows in the corner and chill out. I don't believe how small my eyes are feeling right now. I know when I go back to my dorm room though my room mate is going to beg me to go to dinner with her but I ate way too much today and I am not in the least bit hungry. Not to mention that the food smells kind of nasty. I wish I was home at these moments to eat some real food, but it's nice to be away from home also. I hope that my boyfriend will come and visit me this weekend. It would be great to see him again though it really hurts when he leaves. Seeing him makes me miss him more but I guess I should enjoy our time together. I wish he went to this school or at least lived in Austin then we wouldn't have this long distance problem. He seems to think it is ok and the distance factor is not of any importance to him. I don't believe him when he says that. I wonder if he is as committed as he says he is. I am pretty sure he is especially after all that we have been through. I hope we can make it for the next few years but who knows what will happen? I wonder what will happen with us since long distance relationships are not supposed to last long. I think I'd be the one to influence that stereotype the most because I'm the one in a college setting and he's in the same environment in which we established ourselves. I do love him though. It'd be nice to be in my room talking to him and laying on my bed. dosing off and falling asleep. Tonight is Thursday night. This is a good night because I have no obligations to do any homework for this night other than this. I should have done this assignment earlier but of course I always wait for the last minute. But technically this isn't the last minute because its not Friday yet, and it is early evening. Tonight I want to do nothing but relax! I hope I can get together with my friends since I don't see much of them anymore. I wish I lived at Jester at times like this. I thought it would be cold in the computer lab but today it is actually warm. I have this sweatshirt on but I don't feel like taking it off. How many more minutes until my time is up? I've typed quite a bit of information thus far. Pretty interesting how much stuff runs through my head. I wonder if this is more than most people or maybe its that I type fast and I can type basically every thing that I am thinking. This computer is pretty cool and the icons are cute. I hear music and I'm wondering where it is coming from. I figure since tonight is the Mexican culture night they are playing some kind of ranchero music. They should have a Honduran culture night. Haha. Why is the computer across from me making so much noise? Wow. I sure do ask my self a lot of questions. Well, I think my time is almost up. I guess I have about. its taking me a while to figure this out. I am so terrible at mental math. What happened? I have 5 minutes left I guess. How terrible I am at mental math! I am glad that I don't have to worry about turning in calculus homework tomorrow. My grade for today's homework assignment is going to suck because my teacher does a horrible job of explaining anything and I've been too lazy to go to the office hours. But I did go to the math lab, which was not in service to the calculus students. Why do we have more restricted hours for calculus. I walked all that way to Jester for nothing. I'm sure if I got the proper instruction yesterday afternoon my calculus homework grade would be a lot better than its going to be. Why am I assuming that I will get a bad grade? Maybe I won't. The TA seems pretty easy going and she knows that I am interested in keeping/getting a good grade for that class. I. am glad the movie station is back on. I'd like to be under the covers watching a movie right about now. Sleep. I want to sleep! I wish I wasn't always so tired. Yes! I only have a few more minutes left. I'd say about 2 minutes left. Finally! This is already a one and a half page singlespaced paper in Times new roman font. I didn't know I had that much stuff running through my head. Actually, it doesn't surprise me. I always have too much stuff running through this head of mine and then they all get jumbled up and I can't think straight. I think that's why I interrupt people so much when I'm talking. because I have so much stuff in my mind that if I don't say it I'll forget it. I guess that shouldn't matter since I'll have another 10 million thoughts to compensate for that one loss. But anyways. My time is up. How great!

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26

I like to hear music. For some reason, I recently discovered old rock, specifically the group Pink Floyd. Their songs evoke strange feelings of relaxation within me. Why though? I suppose the smoothness of the words accompanied by the awesome guitar. I am reminded of the lyrics "so do you think you can tell, Heaven and Hell, Blue skies from pain, can you tell a green field, from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?. cold comfort for change. how I wish you were here, were just two lost soles swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground, but have we found the same old fears, wish you were here. " --Pink Floyd's song "Wish You Were Here. " I find myself relaxed yet down though. I am disturbed somewhat from the words; but, why am I feeling relaxed. I think it is from the awesome music and pitch of the singer's voice. Their exotic, at least to me, beginning seems to subliminally evoke depth of thinking even though the words may seem stupid. But, the part of the song I enjoy the most is the fishbowl analogy. I think it is ingenious and I am reminded of myself and my inability to find the right girl of my dreams. For some reason, the analogy portion evokes a sort of chivalric ambition within me. I desire a bit of love and romance from a special person that I want to meet. the perfect girl. Someone with the same aspirations as me. A person that when I look into her eyes I find myself lost. Yet, physically, the act of looking into her eyes would have no physical affect to me in the real world. silly. Anyway, I am aware that Pink Floyd took drugs and were possibly high while writing this song. I do not condone to taking drugs. In fact I dispise drugs. They ruin lives and for what. So you can loose your mind for a couple of minutes and kill yourself. The best way to counter drugs is not to try them at all. Abstinence from drugs and getting drunk is the best things in life, at least I think so. I don't need to get myself drunk at a party to have a good time. I just need to go regularly and I will have an awesome time. I am reminded of a party I went to a few weeks back. This is a disco party where you dance with girls. I went to the party and was dancing and having a good time. Unfortunately, the other guys needed to get drunk to dance. So, they all went outside to get drunk and came back in. They were the biggest loosers I have ever seen in my life. I suppose they don't have enough self esteem to go out and dance with the girls. Unfortunately, I feel that I miss out because I tend to do the right thing. That is why I am rarely invited to parties. In my whole highschool experience, I have only been to two parties. Pathetic huh! Anyway I look forward to college to meet some nice girls that will like me for being myself, the good guy. This paper will self destruct after you read it! just kiddin'

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18

Well, Sitting here doing this assignment at 10:55 a. m. and my lazy butt just woke up. I can't believe that I wake up so late nowadays. I remember my freshman year where I slept a few hours a night and got by fine. I'm feeling a little bad about myself for not working out this morning like I wanted too. If I could just get up when I wanted to then there would be not problem. But no, I have to stay in bed until the last possible second before class. On Wed. I have my first class at noon, and I was late. How pathetic is that? How can I not get up before the sun has reached its peak position over the city? Typing this is making my forearm hurt a little. I first noticed that when I was shooting a basketball yesterday. I think I might have pulled something lifting weights the other day and at least worked something that I don't usually work out so it hurts a little. Is strange, I am supposed to be sitting here thinking of stuff and my mind blanks out, but when I am supposed to be concentrating, my mind decided that then is the appropriate time to start racing with ideas and contemplations not associated at all with what I am doing. I actually like this assignment, its kind of nice to just sight down and write down what I am thinking about. I tried to start a journal once but to no avail. I am not a person of habit. I cannot just dedicate myself to something at a certain time everyday or week whenever unless it is something that I have to do, such as class, or a job if I ever find one. I felt really disappointed that I could not find a job this summer. Why was I having such a hard time? I have problems with things like that, I hate doing the first part of something, such as actually finding the job or deciding on a career. That's one of the reasons I am taking this class as a Junior, because I don't know what else to take. I can't decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. I would be so much easier if I had someone say you are going to be a business man or a teacher, take these classes, and don't suck it up like you have been doing for the first two years of your college career". And I would be like "OK, fine, I can do that" and then I would do it, but probably not to the full extent of my ability. I have a hard time doing things to hardcore for an extended amount of time. I guess everyone is like that but even things I like to do, after time I start slacking, such as car audio fabrication. I like to build things out of fiberglass and my last project really sucked it up. I guess it was a learning experience but after a few days of working on it I got dismayed because it didn't look as good as I had hoped it would and finally said "the hell with it" and just finished it. Now I am ready to chunk it and start anew. But I like building things, so that my be the reason too.

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21

well I guess I am just supposed to start writing. Well I will start by telling this computer about my day. Today I went to class, well first I was supposed to wake up at 5:45 am but instead I pushed my snooze button one too many times and ended up sleeping until 6:45,my bus leaves at 7:00. So I missed my bus, the third time this school year, I just can't seem to get it together. But anyways I arrived to my class 25 minutes late, and since it was my third time late to this class it was slightly embarrassing, especially since the only two doors into the classroom are right where the teacher is teaching. So I slowly made my entrance and went and sat in the back of the class, and for once I didn't fall asleep! AMAZING! I then decided to do my chemistry homework that I thought was due today but its really not due till Thursday. So I wasted my time off doing homework that wasn't even due, not like I understood much of it anyways. Well so then I was out of school for the day! My boyfriend, John, doesn't get out of class until 1:15 and it was only 12:30 so I decided to go to Barnes and Nobles and finish reading an interesting book I had started a week ago. Its called "A Boy Called It" its actually a very upsetting book because its about this boy who endured horrible child abuse for the better part of his childhood. His mother was basically insane. She played horrible games with him, like making him burn his own arm over the stove, making him eat his brother's dirty diaper, and starving him to death, not to mention beating him to a pulp everyday. And his family just stood by and watched him take it. What kind of father could watch his son be abused like that and not do anything? That just makes me sick. Well so anyways I almost finished the book when John called and picked me up so we could hang out. So we watched Hannibal. Oh what a creepy movie! The grossest part was when he took the scalp off one cop and scooped out some of his brain while he was still alive. AND THEN, fed it to him! It was pretty disgusting. So after that we just kind of hung around his house doing nothing, but I love the fact that I can just do nothing with him and not be bored. But oh the drama that our relationship has caused with our friends! I don't even want to get into it. HMMM I'm thinking about going downstairs and getting myself another cookie, I'm addicted! I'm a chocoholic! But seriously I need to start working out, or eating less or something because I'm feeling a little on the chunky side. Maybe tomorrow I will do that. Yea right, like I have the time. I'll just starve myself, naw those cookies are just too darn good! I'm so happy that this medication I'm taking is finally feeling like its working! I'm so tired of feeling sad and depressed all the time, and a couple nights ago I just took it way too far. The thought of cutting myself again just makes me sick now. So I'm getting better! I think its funny that Professor Pennebaker told us not to make this a cry for help, because a few weeks ago it might have been and I would have been one of the lost causes. Wow, that cookie really sounds good. This music also sounds good, I like music a lot, it just seems like a great way to express yourself! Even though I don't play anything, and I can't sing worth crap I like to listen to music as a release. Right now I'm very into alternative rock and new age rock. Last night I downloaded 6 hours worth of music onto this computer so now I'm set for life! Nirvana is a cool band, too bad Kurt Cobain killed himself he was a great musician! He killed himself on my birthday, how weird is that? Speaking of birthdays I need to get my mom a birthday present! Maybe I will have time on Thursday before Defensive driving class! I sure hope so.

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13

Okay the way my mind works. Well at the present moment many things are running through my head. Everyday I think of the same things over and over again until I get them resolved. My mind worries a lot. Right now I hope that I get all of my assignments done including this one, and that I do them well. My main concern right now is doing well in all of my classes. I'm so scared that I am not going to do well here and that I am going to have to drop out and go back home. Then I won't get as good as an education that I hoped for, which will inturn will prevent me from getting into any good law school. Then I won't get a good job, so I can't support myself much less a family, and I wind up a bum for the rest of my life. It's amazing how the littlest things have the biggest affect on something. Actuallly, I was just thinking, I hope that my parents will even have the money to pay for my education. If I can't do that than I don't even have to worry about any of this, because I won't be going here at all. I miss my family. For eighteen years I have never been apart from any member of my immediate family. I don't know how I have survived the last two weeks without them. I miss my Mother especially. Yesterday, I left home again because I went back for the weekend, and I felt as if I were leaving for the first time. The same feelings overcame as they did when I first left her. I wanted to cry. I want to cry now just talking about all of this, but I won't. I tend to do that a lot. Hide my emotions. I guess I just figure that by hiding them, I am not as vulnerable to other people as I would be if I were to actually show them. I just realized how incredibly slow I am at typing because twenty minutes have just passed since I began this writting assignment. So on that note I will end my writting entry.

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9

My thoughts I have never tried to write about my thoughts before, so here goes: I'm sitting in my dorm room just where it is quite hot for some reason even though the air conditioning is set for the coldest setting, oh well, I guess Dobie isn't perfect. My suitemate sure isn't any good. I hadn't seen him for the last two weeks, but as soon as I put a TV in the living room, he shows up. Lousy moocher. Now I have to listen to my headphones because he is watching some stupid movie. These things make my head hurt, and I don't like the music I'm listening to, stupid Backstreet Boys. My girlfriend loves them, I sure do miss her. She lives in Houston and goes to HBU, she is so nice. She isn't anything like the other girls I know, she never complains, and always does whatever I want to. I'm lucky to have her. I'm afraid that this long distance relationship thing won't work out. That would suck, I don't know what I would do. My head just hurts thinking about it, or is it just these tight headphones. They aren't even mine, they are my roommate's. He is a great guy, one of my best friends from Houston. He just got back from his girlfriend's dorm room. She lives upstairs, and that isn't fair. He gets to see her all the time, I only get to see my girlfriend every two weeks or so. I guess that could be good too since I need to study a lot. I have some big shoes to fill, both my brother and sister went to UT and they were both in the business school, which I couldn't get into. Sometimes I feel stupid compared to the two of them. My parents really want me to do well, and I hope I can make them happy. If I try really hard, and get a little lucky, I might be able to transfer into the business school. That would be cool. I feel sorry for my mom, and I am scared. She needs a liver transplant, and it isn't fair for her. She wasn't a drinker or anything, she lived a very good life. She just happened to have a bad liver. That's why I hate Mickey Mantle. One day a friend of mine was talking about how we should give free health care to everybody, but I totally disagreed. I told him that we shouldn't help the drunks and druggies, and he thought I was crazy. That's when I get really pissed and started yelling about how stupid celebrities like Mickey Mantle get to skip people on the transplant list, get a new liver and then drink through it. After that they get to take another one, then he died anyway, that is the only thing that made me happy. They could have given that liver to my mom, rather than some stupid lush who just killed it. Someone told me that he had a disease that he couldn't stop drinking, I say BS. He could have paid someone to walk around with him to make sure he didn't drink any alcohol, but my mom can't do that. She just has bad blood, if we could pay someone a hundred thousand dollars a month to follow her around and keep her healthy, we would do it in a heartbeat. We don't have that option. Well that's twenty minutes, I don't know if that was exactly what you were looking for, but that is pretty much what I was thinking, and that was pretty fun!

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I am at work right now but I don’t start to work until about 30 more minutes I wonder if any one is going to if anyone is going to ask me what I am doing oh well there is this person that I think is real nice so I cant really how does this thing work any way why won't it go to the next line by itself so I guess ill start to press enter when I cant see the words I am typing I feel like laughing I don’t really know why well I do but it would be to dangerous for me to type them down. so one might see I wish I could go home I just found out that my botany class test are short answers great. I still like the class though cant wait fort he day to be over. I is supposed to rain today I want it to but I don't want to walk home or any where in this assignment is kind of hard I cant type as quick as my mind thinks I'm not sure I like this computer either well I’m still skipping my thoughts on the next assignment I think I better write it down instead. ok the truth I did erase something from the beginning of this document. I’m at work for goodness sakes. why do I keep putting periods down I guess it is hard to write with out using punctuation also his voice sounds wonderful ok I've got to stop that oh well I didn’t know that the top lines of the document eventually go up that a good thing she smiled at me probably wondering what I was doing I wish I had more time to write some more poems I will though I really want to perfect the one I wrote about the tanut this I going to look crazy when they print it out. I like this assignment though I never did ask if it was ok for me to be doing homework on the computers at work but mine at home is not fast enough to or doesn’t have enough speed to get everything on the net on my computer I rally want to buy some more software for it but I don’t know if I can afford it so this guy that I was telling you about is so fine I feel like I want to jump his bones I even had a dream about him last night nothing nasty though it wasn’t even sexual so I wonder if they are going to see how many times a guy verses a girl brings up the topic of sex in their writings I hope my TA gets all of this information. anyway he's so sexy I have a boy friend thought it will be five years in November I don’t believe it I love him though ok my mind has gone blank I cant think of anything I wish that when I write paper that the information I need to write him would flow a quickly as it is right now that would be cool so I could write a complete 12 page paper in one day I guess I would procrastinate one time though come to think of it yesterday I should have been writing my thoughts down I actually because aware became aware of what I was thinking it was kind of weird why to I keep trying to correct my mistakes maybe so it will be easier for the readier to follow I bet they are going to be having a grand time reading this class assignment I wonder what they are looking for. any way it would probably mess up the study if I did know. naked why I don’t know so one to the next topic my the way I wasn’t taking bout the Winston cigarette ads you know I don't smoke anyway well two more minutes until I have the file away my life at least to you its a play on words because it is part of the job description that I do I won't be doing it for the rest of my life though I do know that for sure actually I’m not sure I know what I want to do bye. 't be doing it for

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6

Steam and Consciousness. I am a new coming freshman; I like to be a UT student. To be in a gigantic school like UT, it is exciting but come with some fear. Fear that I might do badly on my school works or could not fit into the environment. After a week past, my point of view began to shift. Now I am comfortable with hundred of students walking on the street and the long waiting line in cafeteria. Sometime, in the back of my mind I could still remember the good times I had with my family. To me, family is the most important thing I can ever have. Through their supports and love now I can understand how important is for me to do well in college and have a descent future. Now, I am in my dorm room thinking about them, and thinking about how much I miss them. When I was little I always wanted to be an adult and take care things on my own. Family at the time never came in my mind, and moreover I sometimes childishly ignore them for video games or other sports. I really regret for what I had missed, a wonderful loving family. Beside to new environment that full with experiences the thing that come to me often is my family back in Taiwan. I wish they could someday see my success and share my proud ness in the field that I love to do or work.

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7

I’m tired, stressed and I really don't feel all that good right now. my stomach hurts but I’m tired. I feel pressured. pressure from everywhere. school, work, life. how do I know what I’m doing with my life is what I was meant to do? I love amy she means the world to me. I wish that I hadn't broke up with her last year. it ruined a lot of things in my life. but I thought that I would be happier with someone else and I was for a short period of time but not a day went by that I didn't think about amy and wonder if she is really the one. I miss my grandpa who died on the first day of school this year. I’ve had a really tough time dealing with his death. I guess I just thought that he would never die. after all grandparents aren't supposed to (I think). I just have a hard time dealing with death. but paw paw is most assuredly in heaven right now looking down on me making sure I’m living my life as a Christian. I will see him again, I know! the thing is that paw paw really loved amy and she loved him. we were together for almost two years before I broke up with her for selfish reasons which I never found out what they were. I hate to be alone so I started dating janna who is a nice girl but I knew that it was all wrong but I enjoyed the companionship, which is wrong but was good because it helped me to realize that amy is the one for me. the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. paw paw knew it. how ironic it was that I broke up with janna only one day before paw paw died and began seeking love from amy. he would have wanted us together. but I messed up and things are hard now, she still loves me but she is afraid to trust me. I need her!

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30

Well, I'm sitting here at my computer on my desk thinking about what to write gosh I cannot spell right now this is really frustrating. It's different when you type this kind of assignment because when you write things on paper, you don't have to worry about misspelling anything because you are writing and when you type, sometimes your fingers don't type the right keys and everything gets all messed up. Well I'm going to see my boyfriend in about a week and a half my hands and fingers are getting tired of typing and his picture is right here on top of my desk. He is so wonderful. I wish we weren't at different colleges. It would be so much easier if we were in the same city so we could see each other more often, It's only been 3 minutes since I've been doing this and I have 17 more minutes this is going to be a really long assignment. It seemed easy when I heard about it, but it really isn't that easy. My fingers really hurt and I wish I could just write this out, but I guess you have to have it in email format. Well I'm really anxious to see my boyfriend. Every time I think about him I get a really big smile on my face. I told him that even when I talk to people, sometimes I'll just smile in the middle of what I am saying because I'm thinking about him. He's in Houston, going to Rice. I was really interested in Rice a couple of years ago because my cousin, who's 4 years older than me, went there and he really liked it there. Anyway, I've been trying to book a bus ride over there, but it's pretty hard to do that, especially when I'm trying to juggle my tine between trying to book the ride and going to class and everything like that. But hopefully it'll all work out ok. It's going to be really fun because I haven't seen him since he left for Houston on August 20th. It's been so long since I've seen him. We talk on the phone occasionally, but that gets really expensive really quickly and so most of the time we just email each other and I'M each other. But his schedule is so different from mine and its hard to talk especially when I need to study but I really want to talk to him. It's so hard. Ands all this studying is getting me tired. It's only the 4th day of class and already I feel burned out from all the reading and everything ok I think it's been about 11 minutes, uh oh I stopped writing because I lost track of how long I have been writing but now I know so that's' good. Gosh my fingers hurt. I've never typed this much before with out taking a break. Aye ok, I need to get my wrist pad because they hurt. All right, that's better. Now, back to Jake that's his name. He's supposed to get online again at midnight and I really hope he does. He's been going to bed really early lately and it sucks because then I can't talk to him as much as we normally talk. I love him so much. It hurts inside to think of him and I really want to be with him right now. But I don't want to talk about that to you because it's my problem, that's why I'm going to see him next Friday. I'm so excited to see him. He's seriously the best thing to happen to me for a really long time. We've gone out before, actually my freshman year of high school we were dating and we've been going out off and on since then. I seriously think we were made for each other. He is so sweet and he's really in touch with his sensitive side, and that really turns me on in a guy. I like it when guys cry too. I mean, not too much, because then it seems like they're too sensitive, but if he cries a little, it means he's sensitive and that totally turns me on. Anyway, I'm probably leaving next Thursday so that I can spend the night with my other friend, Pam, who also goes to Rice. I'm going to go to a party on Friday night with her and Jake and then I'll spend the next two nights with Jake (but we aren't going to do anything) that's another thing I really admire about him is that we both have the same morals and expectations and he is really sensitive to my feelings and wants. He has got to be the best thing going for me right now besides of course being at UT. That is really awesome too. Anyway, I'm running about of things to say, oops that didn't make much sense, but I'm almost done hooray! Anyway, I'm staring at my really bright yellow hilighter right now and It hurts my eyes. I need to go pick up my football tickets tomorrow after my philosophy class because I'm in the draw. I wonder how I can get 8 tickets besides mine that makes a total of 9 tickets. My whole family is coming up to Austin for the Houston game on the 23rd because my birthday is the 24th and we are celebrating it that Saturday. Well, it's been about 20 minutes so I guess my first official psychology writing assignment is done. That makes me feel good. Well, bye!

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3

I guess I should begin by saying I'm pretty tired today. I woke up feeling sort of sick. My throat hurt a little bit, and my body ached as well. The dorm rooms are really cold. I went to the financial aid office for some information but I don't even remember how to access what the lady told me to. I've been thinking a lot lately and worrying about school. I'm worried about this college algebra class I'm supposed to be getting into through ACC. They said they haven't received my transcript although I know it was sent from Houston on August 15, I even have the receipt. It pisses me off that ACC's records department is screwed up. This class is really important to me so that I can take my core classes next semester or so. Besides that stress, I've been stressed about Gabby. It doesn't really feel like we've been broken up. I know it's only been a week, but it doesn't feel like it to me. I think he is really more upset about it than me. My cell phone bill should be coming in the mail soon and I know my dad is going to kill me because it's going to be super expensive. The guy sitting next to me in this computer lab is typing super fast! He reminds me of the part on Meet the Parents" where he is at the airport looking for a different flight and the clerk types really fast and finds nothing. Makes me smile. Tomorrow I think I'll go to ACC's records department. I mean, I have a receipt that says I sent the transcript, so I wonder what kind of run around they will give me this time. Last time they were extremely rude to me. I mean, I'm new to all this, especially to ACC. It's not like I knew they would lose my transcript. The computer lab down here in the basement of Jester is pretty hot. I don't feel an air-flow. Just still air, and the typing of the guy sitting next to me. He just left right now. I heard him talk on his cell phone a few minutes ago about getting something to eat, which sounds good to me right now. I had some oreo's while in class today, and my friend Gabriella was talking about how fat she is gotten, the girl is super skinny, not to mention in great shape because she runs 5 miles a day! But she was saying that oh my gosh oreo's are so fattening, yet she would kill for one. I offered her one, but she declined. I thought to myself oh my god! What is this girl thinking. All she talks about is what she eats and doesn't eat. It was kinda getting on my nerves, but oh well. I enjoyed the oreos and that's all that matters. I didn't feel guilty about eating them since I am probably going to go to the gym later on tonight. I wish I would have had some milk with those oreos though! New guy sitting next to me in computer lab. I hope he doesn't glance over and wonder what I'm doing. I guess I am pretty focused on my computer screen. I feel relaxed though. The chair is comfortable and my gum still has flavor. Still too hot though. I guess basements are supposed to be a little hot. Gabriella just left me a voice message that she was going to eat some dinner and if I wanted to go. I hope she doesn't find out I am writing about her! I know I've said nothing bad about her, but I think she could get her feelings hurt. She is a really sweet girl and I really don't have anything negative to write about her. Besides, I don't typically talk about people. I guess I always put myself in the other person's shoes. I wouldn't want people to talk about me! Don't know when I'm going to go home. I miss everyone, but I really like my freedom here. Coming and going as I please. Not having to be home at 12 and calling and checking in. I like being independent. Not that I resent anyone or anything from home, but I like being on my own and all. It feels cool and I feel all grown up! Valerie's phone just rang and she is trying to be real quiet! She is so cute! I'm glad she is up here with me because I really don't know what I would have done if she hadn't decided to come to school here. We're really close and I enjoy that. Whoa, I almost thought I lost all of my work because a window screen popped up about some debugging! Scary!

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13

Okay so I'm sitting here in my dorm room and looking out the window and I see trees and squirrels and birds. I really like my dorm because when I walk outside to go to class. I always see so many squirrels and they come right up to you and they always are carrying nuts and okay maybe I should stop talking about the squirrels but they really are cute. I'm trying to think what I've done today because I feel like I'm wasting the day away. I woke up at about 12:30 and went up to my friends dorm room and got her and her roommate out of bed. We all went to Subway obviously because we were hungry and sat there for like 30 minutes. I came back to my dorm and my roommate is very consistent about getting on my nerves. Her boyfriend broke up with her 2 days ago and she definitely isn't being the sweetest person. She is rather annoying and whenever my ex boyfriend calls me, she freaks out. I think she is jealous. but what is there to be jealous of? It's not like I have a wonderful boyfriend. My ex boyfriend. Travis. he goes to UTSA because he didn't get into UT. He will be here in a year. Well. he broke up with me before we went to college for unknown reasons and was a total jerk. I feel like such a prissy girl talking about my boy problems. Hmmm. well basically he (Travis) came crawling back and is begging for me to get back together with him. We were together for almost 2 years. Well I told him we might be able to get back together but really I have no intentions of getting back together with him until he gets to UT and by then hopefully I will have either found another guy or completely gotten over him. I love him still and it frustrates me. College frustrates me right now. I always had a lot of work in high school so I am used to the work load but I am just boggled down with things to do. Like laundry. And sorority crap that is pointless. We had some pledge retreat to go to this weekend and I skipped out on it. I feel guilty" but then I don't. I didn't see the point in spending the night at the Chi-O house and sleeping on the floor in a room with 51 other girls when my mother pays a lot of money for me to have a comfortable bed at Scottish Rite. I don't think the sorority girls will buy my reasoning what so ever. OH well. what can I do? Nothing. I miss my friends. HMMMMM. I never thought I would miss my ex boyfriend this much but he was my best friend for a long time and it would be nice if he was here so I could escape from all the petty college stuff. like frat parties where the boys are only looking for one thing or the binge drinking (seems like everyone here is obsessed with getting "wasted". It's like the girls in my dorm (which is an all girls dorm) have never tasted a sip of alcohol in their entire teenage lives and now that they've experienced "Frat Parties" they can't get enough. Don't get me wrong. I love partying and the occasional wild nights but then I also believe that frat parties get old. On a different topic. I have a bunch of homework to do. At least I'm getting this done and I'm enjoying it at the moment. It's very relaxing. typing whatever I want. Not having a strict curriculum to follow. I wish I could meet some guys that aren't just interested in sex. That grosses me out. Look. my thoughts are running rampant. But then I also miss things with Travis. But then I don't miss Travis because I'm in Austin. doing whatever I want. in the heart of the city, but then I stayed home last night . a Saturday night and I was in bed. I guess I'm some sort of loser. I almost feel like if I don't party every single night I am like the biggest LOSER UT has ever seen. I need to separate myself from all this Greek B. S. Hmmm. you know what else I need to do. laundry. read Pyschology. Calculus Homework. That's another thing that worries me. The difficulty of my Calculus class. I have already found a tutor and I'm having mass problems with the homework. Oh well. I'll get through it somehow right? I have tutoring tonight at 6. Isn't this little story of my life so interesting. I need like 4 boyfriends at one time like my friend Kim or like 20 activities to do at one time like my friend Geoff. No I really don't need to deal with that stuff actually. I have problems enough worrying about what I should eat in my dorm buffet style dining room or what colors go in what washer for laundry or how much time my Calculus homework will take me (probably 3 hours). WONDERFUL. So much to look forward to. so little time. I need to relax. I need a back massage. I need my mom's cooking and my own bathroom. I won't be getting those things for a long LOOONG time. I have no plans on going home. If I go home my curfew will be midnight. Funny how the parties in Austin don't actually start till midnight. Oh another thing. I hope I make good grades to make my mom happy. She seriously is worried about me and my grades. She probably thinks I'm partying so much which is not the case at all. I think I actually am in my dorm too much. Wait. she is going to get mad because I went shopping and used her credit card. OH LORD. I'll be getting a call in a couple weeks. "LINDSEY. what is this ARDEN B store on my credit card bill? AND why did you spend [ ] amount of money there and why do u need those clothes anyways?" Oh no. Well I have been doing this for 19 min and 11 seconds and it went by pretty fast. And I'm sure whoever reads this will be like "what is this girl talking about?" but that's okay because I'm sure there's a lot of those in the big pile of writing assignment #1's. Well my 20 min are up and I am closing this lovely "stream of consciousness" with my favorite quote just to add a magic touch. ?You will make all kinds of mistakes but as long as you are generous and true and also fierce you will not hurt the world or even seriously distress her. She was made to be wooed and won by youth. ? ~Winston Churchill

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30

Right, here I am and I have no idea what I'm doing or supposed to be doing. I'm sitting here in a computer lab because my parents thought it would be wise NOT to bring a computer the first semester. That was a ridiculous thought in my opinion. Of course they also thought it would be wise not to go to Kansas to see Tony this summer only because I'd never driven out of state before. That sucked. And I do feel bad because right after I got up here I went to spend a couple of days with him. I had tons of fun and I really do love him. I don't know what my parents problem with him is. I mean, he's so much like my dad, it's almost scary. Maybe they'll warm up to him before too long. We do plan on getting married, not soon of course. Heck, it won't even before for like 4 years. I want to wait til after I'm out of college because there's less financial worries. And he's NOT rich at all. But anywho. I don't know. I still haven't told my parents that I got a speeding ticket on the way home from Kansas. How am I supposed to explain that when they don't even know I went to Kansas? I paid for the ticket myself, but it's still going to show up on the insurance! And thank goodness, I found out I'm not pregnant. That would be another hard thing to explain. I mean, I love Tony and all, but getting pregnant the first time would have totally sucked! Plus my dad would have killed us both! Anywho, I'm so lazy. I still need to do tons of things. I need to go get my work-study job and a part-time job so I can have money. I still haven't done either. I don't know why, it's not like I haven't had time. The only things I've done, really, is hang out with my cousins every weekend and also go out and do things with my roommate, Nubia. She's pretty cool. She's nice, so that's a plus. And we really haven't had any problems. I was a bit worried about that before I moved up here. I was worried she might not be quite as nice or considerate as she really is. In fact, we have a pretty cool arrangement. I can borrow most of her stuff whenever I want and she can borrow most of mine any time. I like that. Usually I don't get a long with some people. Or rather they don't get a long with me. They say I'm too outspoken or something. I never really know. Dang this room is freezing! I wish I had brought a jacket up here with me. I have found that most of the buildings here at UT are kept very cold and I'm not accustomed to that. In fact, I hate it. Even Bryan and Leslie's house is warmer than this. Speaking of which, I need to take them out to supper. They are always letting me stay the weekend and taking me places. The only thing I've done for them (other than spending their money) is babysit Londyn and Laurin once. I want to take them somewhere nice to eat or something. But I don't have a whole lot of money. I also need to see if Anganette and Jake and Leslie want to get together and do something. I had so much fun Saturday and Ange's house; it was a blast. I never knew croquet could be fun. Though, Bryan and Jake did also make it pretty violent. Just imagine contact croquet. Yeah, I have a weird family. I hope Jessica's doing okay. I know she said she was fine but still. I mean, I know she probably still is pretty upset. But I don't really know what to say to her, so I don't say anything really. I like her, too; she seems really fun to be around and nice (even if she doesn't think people see her that way). I just realized, I need to call Windy. I haven't spoken to her since she left for Houston, and she's like one of my closest friends. I miss a lot of my friends and family. But I really love it up here in Austin. My parents always said I'd get really homesick, but so far I haven't. Maybe it's because I do have family up here. I don't know. Whatever it is, it's working. Shoot! I just missed my Calculus discussion group, I think! I'm going to be so dead. But I really don't know where it is either. I showed up Tuesday for it, but no one ever showed up. I checked online and it is at 4:30-5:30 and in the room I waited at. Maybe they had to do a room change for some reason. I've noticed in some of my other classes that has happened for the discussion meetings. I need to get my readings done for psych. , philosophy, and bio. before I get too behind. I don't want to screw up my chances at getting into the business school and if I don't keep my gpa up, that's exactly what's going to happen. Oh, I just remembered, it's only like 19 days until Tony comes down to see me. I miss him so much. But I hope he's okay driving that far. He worries me sometimes. But I know he and I will have tons of fun when he gets down here. I want to show him the capitol, the history museum, 6th street, take him on a horse drawn carriage ride (that's so romantic. . ). I don't know what all else there is to do, but we'll think of something. Really all we have to do is get on campus and pick a direction and start walking and we'll come to something!

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30

Gosh, I'm so tired right now. Crazy. and oh so overwhelmed with school. I mean how much reading could I possibly get this semester. I hate having vision problems. it just feels like everything is this world is working against me. I mean the blind people get all of their books on tape before me. well reality check. I CAN'T READ MY BOOKS EITHER. I guess I could make a big stink about it. because by law they have to arrange for me to get assistance for my disability. but its too much hassle and I already feel really uncomfortable about my disability. I mean. I just hope that if I transfer schools that they will give me more individualized assistance. something UT has no idea how to do. Why do I hate my roommate so much. I think I need therapy for how much I hate her. I actually get a pang in my stomach when I know she is at the apartment. that is a major problem. adn when I go into my apartment I close my bedroom door in order to say don't even try to talk to me". and the really really sad thing is that I don't think she has a clue how much I hate her. I haven't had this much rage towards someone since 11th grade. and those are the only two people in my whole entire life that I have ever hated. Staci and my spanish teacher . Its weird some people just rub me the wrong way and there is no forgiving them. I get along with everyone. I mean everyone. so for me to have an enemy it is actually quite odd. I wonder why dan and vab always have to act like they are cool and don't care about stuff. It actually really bothers me. I mean, for God's sake, show some freaking emotion. Its so ridiculous. ummm have I mentioned how tired I am? my eyes are closing on me. I really need to get more sleep in the future. I wonder if I really should transfer schools. I mean. that would mean moving back into my parents house. that would mean I can't come home drunk. I can't bring guys back to just hang out. gosh. all the fun stuff I do here would have to end. but then you just weigh that against my future. I mean I think if I got more assistance for my disability, I would go farther in life. which obviously is my ultimate goal. No one even knows I can't see well. I hide it so well,. I've known people for 3 years and they still don't know. I mean. they'll make fun of my vision but they never put 2 and 2 together. I wonder if I would if I was in there position? oh my gosh. I'm soooooooo tired. now my eyes are burning. is this a sick joke? I still have like 8 minutes to go. I don't know if I'm going to make it. my money situation is horrible. I seriously spend too much money on alcohol. I mean I spend so much freaking time studying during the week, that I feel like I DESERVE to go out on the weekends. ya know. so I just spend my money on that. so why isn't it raining outside? It was raining so magnificently last night. I love it when it pours rain. I reminds me of my dad. We always would go outside on our patio when it would thunder and lightning and just watch it. It was always so amusing to me and my sister and I would always have father-daughter bonding time. I miss my dad. why does he have to live in Egypt anyways. What a joke. my family does not deserve that one bit. Thank God he has a good and secure job though. otherwise I would be at a community college instead of UT right now. only 4 minutes to go. ummm. yep. once again I am tired. I got invited to a party tonight. I kinda don't want to invite dan. cause he always acts like he is too cool. when in all reality I'm too cool for him. so he feels like he has to act that way in order to compensate. Why is Suneal GAY. He is such the perfect guy for me. that royally sucks. Aren't there any straight wonderful gentlemen still left in this world of ours. I sure haven't found them. /. oh my! 1 minute. yippee honestly that was a very excruciatingly long 20 minutes. I think you could have gotten the stream of consciousness point across by making it 10 minutes. but whatever times up. oh darn! peace out

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Today has been so uneventful. I just accidentally pushed the finish button on this thing and I hadn't typed a thing. My roommate has her volume all the way up on her computer and is IMing people and it is quite annoying. *Bahhhring!* Ugh. I just watched this movie that I completely did not understand. I'm not sure exactly what was going on the whole time. Something about this guy who was really screwed up and then he killed his mom. But she wanted him to. Weird. I'm so tired right now, but I have an early 9 o'clock class. I have towels in the drier. I can't forget to take them out. They're pink and have my name monogramed on them in bright green. Cute. I think, anyways. I can't stop thinking about Ronnie. I hate being in a long distance relationship. I really do. I saw him just yesterday, and he is coming to visit again on Saturday, but it is still too much time in between. I just miss him so much. He means everything to me. He's my best friend. He's my boyfriend. He's everything. I feel like I don't talk to my mom as much as I should, but I really don't feel compelled. And when I do talk to her, she always thinks I am upset about something, but I'm not. I just don't have a lot to say. She is usually busy anyways. Any forty-one-year-old with a kid in college and a one and a half year old, and a live-in, senile grandmother generally has a lot on her plate. And my step-dad, not like he counts for anything. I can't stand the man. And she wonders why I was always miserable when I lived with her. He's such a jerk. But I don't have to live with him now. College life is so much different, but I think I will like it, aside from being away from Ronnie. I like being on my own and not having to worry about what every one else thinks all the time. Especially my step-dad. I do miss Ronnie though. Seeing him this weekend was so amazing. I had only been away from him for a week, but it seemed like an eternity longer, I guess because we had taken this huge leap in our lives, moving away and all. I still can't believe it. My life at home was always so monotomous. Get dressed, school, newspaper, home, dinner, Ronnie, home, computer, sleep. Day in, day out. Now all I do is homework, but still, it's a change (haha, like I ever did homework in high school!) I just realized that I can finally type without looking at the keys. I hadn't known that before. Of course, now that I notice this, I keep messing up, but I guess that's because I am concentrating too hard. I'm trying to teach my mom to type not in all capital letters all the time. That's so annoying. Of course, now she types in all lower case, but still that's a step up from reading EVERYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Caps hurt my eyes and run together. Wow, this really is a random paper. I went to Baylor this weekend. I could never go to that school. They have chapel every morning at 8. Wow, that's early. And they have community bathrooms. And, their dorms are small. I like my dorm at Dobie. It's nice and spacious, for a dorm anyhow. A whole lot better than Jester. I would hate to live in that cramped little space. Gross. And their bathrooms are gross because ditzy little girls are always getting too drunk and puking everywhere. Oh, the life a sorority hopeful. How I envy puking all over the place in front of everyone. My suitemate puked this weekend because she got too drunk. I've never been drunk, don't plan on being that way. It just doesn't appeal to me. In the cafeteria they had corn nuggets. Ronnie and I were talking about those just the other day. They used to have them at Church's Chicken and we both loved them, but now they don't anymore. But they have them in the cafeteria! That's about the only decent thing they have. Unless you're into greasy casserole or soggy bagels. I for one am not. I am so sleepy, and I think I might go to bed early tonight. But I need to remember my towels in the dryer. I bet they'll turn the next person's laundry pink, but hopefully not. I've washed them before. I need to call Ronnie after I get done with this. I told him I'd call when Leslie left. Leslie's gone. I bet he is busy though. His classes began today. Oh, man. I miss him and talk about him way too much. Is that bad? I really think we can make it though. I mean, if the world is like it should, he and I will be together. We just will. Every time I look down at the beautiful ring on my finger, (on my RIGHT hand), I just know it'll be okay. But I do miss him. I transferred into Comm school today. Leslie says I am a Commie now, just like her. I guess this is something to be happy about. This is what I've wanted for a long time. Oh, my time is almost up. Wow, twenty minutes goes fast when you don't talk about anything but yourself. Shameless self-infatuation.

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I want some ice cream. I will go get some as soon as I finish typing this. I wonder is someone is reading this because otherwise how can the computer analyze this? Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. too much studying to do. Maybe I should have done this on Friday morning. Oh well, I procrastinate too much so maybe this is a good thing. Gosh twenty minutes is a long time, especially when you are waiting to go get ice cream! I'm not even hungry, but I haven't had ice cream is so long. Why do the guy floors in this building keep serenading? Seems kind of odd that guys would do that for strangers. I like my room. It's very colorful, but I would still like to add more decorations. Perhaps more butterflies because it is a unique touch. Gosh, only a quarter done. I want my ice cream!!! Aww I can hear people yelling. how annoying. I would study in the library, but it seems kind of scary. This morning was scary. Yeah, I am never going to run by myself anywhere at 4:30 in the morning. I don't know if I want to make Texas Crew or not. It seems really cool and I got a rush just from exercising this morning, but on the other hand, it is also tiring, expensive, and I have to go through the trouble of finding a ride every day so I won't have to walk all the way to First Street again. Hmmm, I'm having trouble thinking of stuff. Oh I did not like today's quote of the day . It had something to do with God making the Earth round. I wanted to erase it, but I figured that might be a little rude. The sign should say Monica's quote of the day since I don't really care and I don't choose which ones go up there. I should have a Drawing of the day or something silly like that. Yeah, maybe of the week so I won't have to do so much. I prolly shouldnt' have typed that bit about today's quote, considering she is standing like a couple of feet behind me. Man sometimes I am so evil, but deep down I believe I am good. Oh my goodness, I am only halfway done. Do I have to keep writing like this? I'm not sure if I really think about stuff this often. I may be just searching for topics to write about. Kind of like small talk, which by the way I cannot stand, partially because I am no good at it. I can't wait until this weekend's field trip to Port Aransas! I havent been on a field trip since like elementary school. Well, on a good field trip. Maybe that's because there is nowhere interesting to go in Texas, er Houston. This weekend is going to be so much fun, hopefully. I like a lot of the Women in Natural Sciences girls. A couple of the white girls seem kind of cocky though. Like my next door neighbor. She is never smiling, and she only comes over to talk if she wants something, such as markers. She came over the other day to ask for markers because she didn't want to use her sharpies because she said they would run out. Um, okay. so it's okay if other people's stuff runs out? Geez, and I see her talking to the professors alot trying to suck up. She annoys me already. Whoohoo only a minute and a half left! That's really what I'm thinking. Also I want to play ping pong downstairs with Edwina and Athena, but I probably don't have time because I procrastinated this weekend. Dang it. okay I will just wait for the time to run out. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. . 5. . 4. 3. 2. 1. yay

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I hate computers. I think I hate them because I do not understand them. This assignment is hard because I am trying not to think about the assignment and just write about what is in my head. Why is this just continuing on one line? Am I doing this wrong? Should I fix the grammatical errors that I make? I feel stressed I have only been here for a couple weeks. What could I possibly be stressed about? I need to talk to Ashton. I need to talk to him tonight. This is a time in my life where I am supposed to try new things, meet new people, further my education. I do not need a serious boyfriend now. Why is he so nice? Did he see this coming? Is he trying to make this harder for me? No. What am I talking about? He is always this nice. He is such an incredible guy. Bad timing. This always happens to me. I will not miss experiences in college like I did in high school because of some guy. I need to see what it is like not having some guy around me all the time. Josh might be right. I might be afraid of being by myself. I will talk to him tonight. I probably will not. How can I possibly be mean to someone who is so wonderful? He won't understand. I know this is the best thing for me. I need to learn how to operate e-mail. I want to start sending mail to my brother. Josh better come to Austin to see me soon. My sister better come soon, too. I cannot believe that the one weekend I really want to go home (homecoming) I have to stay here and be formally initiated into my sorority. It is Haley's birthday. I am so Jealous that Meredith gets to go see everyone and I will not. We have been talking about how fun that weekend will be since homecoming last year. This sucks. Everyone will be home. I wish the girls in this dorm were a little more considerate. They see me studying in here and they are still so loud. I hope I do not do the same thing. I am having so much fun here, yet I am still stressed about maintaining my friendships with my best friends from home. I hate it that one of my best friends is here in Austin. It puts such a damper on our friendship. I am just so busy right now. I never realized how much time this sorority would take up. Am I neglecting one of best friends? Does she resent the fact that I am making new friends? I love that girl. With everyone else, we know why we haven't seen one another. Ashton. What am I going to do? I am having to talk myself into doing this. I know I need to see what it is like to date other people. I think Richard has something to do with this. I think Ashton is so wonderful because Richard was so horrible. I wonder what Richard is doing. I wonder if he is ended up going SAE. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. I wonder if he is a possessive weirdo to her. Why do I care? No, Ashton is wonderful. Am I going to regret this? What if he starts dating someone else and it breaks my heart. I need to do this. I am so far behind. I need to learn a little about time management. I think I am getting sick. I keep feeling like I am about to sneeze. I need to quit smoking. I would like to smoke right now. Why do I think when I am stressed that a cigarette will make me feel better. I should talk my father into buying me a computer for Christmas. I think that would be a good idea. I am going to be here for a while. I really need to start thinking of what it is that I want to do. Am I taking pointless classes? Do I always ask myself questions? I was really insulted by those stupid papers that basically said that I was in the lowest percentile of students at this university. I have to do well this year. I need to get my act together. It is so hard to just sit in my room and study. I should probably spend more time at the library. What could I be distracted by there? I am asking myself too many questions. I need some sleep. I think I am going to sneeze again. I hate that feeling.

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THE FUNNY THING IS HE DOESN'T SEEM VERY WORRIED ABOUT IT. I HAVE A CALCULUS TEST THURSDAY AND I'M REALLY SCARED! IT is MY FIRST TEST AND ITS MY HARDEST CLASS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE. THIS FRUSTRATES ME BECAUSE USUALLY I'M VERY GOOD AT MATH. I'M HOPEFULLY GOING TO GET TUTORED BEFORE THE TEST. WALKING AROUND CAMPUS IS VERY DIFFERENT TO ME . THERE IS ALL THESE PEOPLE SWARMING AROUND EVERYWHERE ,EACH ONE EXTREMELY DIFFERENT FROM THE NEXT. IT SCARES ME BECAUSE I FEEL AS THOUGH I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE. IN HIGH SCHOOL IT WAS VERY EASY TO BE NOTICED BECAUSE THE SCHOOL ONLY HAD ABOUT 5,000 PEOPLE IN IT. I WAS INVOLVED IN MANY DIFFERENT ORGANIZATIONS HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS, BUT I AM THE ONLY ONE OUT OF MY GROUP OF FRIENDS TO BE HERE. IT STILL SEEMS VERY WEIRD TO ME. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALL THIS PRESSURE TO SUCCEED HERE FROM MY PARENTS. ITS LIKE 'DON'T SCREW UP' IS CONSTANTLY GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. MY PARENTS SEEM TO BE WAITING FOR ME TO SCREW UP IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER . WELL, GOT TO GO DO MORE ASSIGNMENTS. ------

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So I just read the asterix at the bottom of the screen about your social security number and it sounded like the most rediculous thing EVER! I mean, obviously you don't want you SSN to be taken, but if youre telling Carla you have to speak quietly?! So no one overhears you?! What the hell? I read it out loud to my roommate and good friend from high school, Margaret and she said it was probably serious because our freshman English teacher in high school got her social security number stolen. I was sick this morning and I skipped all my classes. I don't know if I should write that because now maybe you think I'm a slacker. But I really felt like complete shit. I did go out last night til like 3, but I'm really snotty and coughing up phlegm. So last night when I got home, I had to walk home early because Margaret felt like way faint and was supertired and her face was white-it was weird. So we came back and I was a little drunk and I called my ex from high school, but he's still my best friend and we talk all the time, Jacob. It was so funny, he answered the phone- I was really surprised because he sleeps like a log, but he answered and sounded kind of awake so I asked him if i woke him up and he said no he was about to take a nap though. But I'm sure he was woken up. I really like him and I think I'll probably end up with him someday just because I can't picture ever having a friend I can confide in as much as him and I feel like he knows me inside and out-however cheesy that may seem. But I still get elated when he calls me and I love talking to him most of the time. I'm really excited because tonite I'm going to KA pledge line! with one of my friends from high school, daniel, a KA pledge. I can't decide if i should wear this black tube dress with a white ribbon on it or this black mock turtleneck dress thats a little bit longer and supertight. Its very flattering, but it seems like guys always like strapless stuff and I have to wear my superhigh heeled shoes with the mock turtleneck dress and a lot of guys like petite girls. I might go with that one anyway though because I have like a zit on my chest and it shows with the tube one. But I've met Jeb Bush a few times and I'm way starstruck with him and want to go on a date with him really bad just so I can say I could kind of, and he's kind of short. But I have a crush on this pothead (of course) I'm always attracted to that type (except Jacob) who's tall and his name is Clayton. I may just forget about Jeb and go for the tall shoes. haha. So I've only been writing for 11 minutes 45 seconds! I have so much time left and I already feel like the most shallow girl ever- not to mention slacker for skipping class already. Chandler, my suite mate and I are going to go to the SSB later and then-shopping!! You can never be too sick to shop. So right now I'm undeclared liberal arts and I was thinking about transferring to the business school and then I was like what the hell am I doing because I hate math and economics! So I dropped economics and added art history which I do like and decided to just stick with calculus-unfortunately. I got a 75 on my calculus homework yesterday. great a C already, that sucks ass. But I'm taking textiles-which sounds like another crap course but I'm really interested in fashion merchandising as a major. I want to be a buyer when I grow up or own a cute little clothes store. I think that would be a blast. But I told my dad I was taking textiles and he laughed his ass off for like 20 minutes and I mentioned fashion merchandising (but not like I was going to do it) and he would absolutely die and disown me if I majored in that. he was like you can still major in English and be a buyer. But I know he's going to tell the whole family I'm taking textiles and theyre all going to laugh at me and think I'm dumb, but whatever. Textiles really is harder than some of my other classes like French (that you would think would be a really hard class). We have to memorize like 500 different kinds of fabrics and their properties. Yikes. So I'm like aching right now and I really think I have West Nile. Chandler's brother's friend (in Baton Rouge) had to have his appendix out because they thought it was appendicitis, but he really had West Nile. How much does that suck?! So I like UT ok right now, but from what I've heard everyone saying about the college experience being the best thing ever, I don't know so much right now. I can't imagine ever having friends as close as the ones I had in high school or meeting people as nice as the ones in Baton Rouge. Louisiana people seem way nicer to me than Texas people.

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Ok well I have been putting this off for a while, but now I'm sitting down to do it. Just to let you know I'm really bad with punctuation and spelling and capitalization when I'm typing on the computer. its good in word because it corrects your spelling and capitals and grammar for you, friends is on the tv in the background right now, that show has been on for a long time. I'm really kinda stressed right now, I feel like I'm really behind in my classes and reading and homework. it would be good to have like a full free day or two. I guess that is what the weekend is, but this weekend I'm going home, my parents are really excited that I'm going. I have to get my acr fixed because I ran into a tire on the road the other day and it screwed up the bumper. I never understood that, who is the guy driving around with no tire? I really really don't understand that. things are a little weird right now, my roomie's going through some rough times and I'm trying to be there for her, I really hope I can be all shse needs. and than my boyfriend is like 600 miles away up in arkansas and I miss him like crazy. I wish he was here sometimes, but it seems like we'll really enjoy the time we have together now that its limited. he is a great guy and I miss him so much. anyways I'm not really sure what to write about now, my classes are ok, but I feel bogged down with work right now, I don't want to feel like I'm complaining about it. I also am a really bad typer. I never took that class in grade school where they teach you the home row and stuff and so I have to look at my fingers a lot. , really, I shouldn't blame it on not having the class, I could have learned on my own, but I didn't, oh well, I'm making it. but I'm not correcting my spelling and typos very much right now, but I notice that as I type my typing is getting better and faster and I have to look less and less at the keys because I'm getting more and more used to it as I sit here. college seems weird to me. so many people, so many changes. my roommate and one of my suitemates are both friends from high school which is awesome, they're great but its been hard for all of us to get out and meet people because ww hang out together a lot so that we don't have to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and deal with new people. but I talked to some really nice kids today. things are good, I don't know if I should go home or not this weekend but my parents really want to see me and its just a drive to houston which is not very bad so I'm going to go, I'm looking forward to seeing my brother too, he is a freshman this year. soooooooooooooo anyways I don't know what to talk about. seinfeld is on tv now, I really like that show, funny, lighthearted, and you never have to know anything from the previous episode to catch the new one, I really like that because then I don't have to be committed to watching every night. all my books are on my bed right now and this writing assignment is not due for two days but I'm doing it now, even though I have assignments due in the morning, I think I'm just putting those off and instead I'm doing this because it seems a little more enjoyable than doing calculus problems or something like that, or reading, ugh I hate the reading. I'm not a good reader I don't think, I'm horrible at reading comprehension, at least that is what the standardized tests say. but anyways I'm a slow reader, I think, ok only 30 pages. but then 30 pages take me like an hour and 15 minutes. no small ordeal. wow I can't believe I have written this much I'm only 14 minutes, I have no idea what I'm going to write about for 6 more minutes. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I wonder what happens if you push the finish button before the time is up, I don't want to try but I bet someone does. someone who just wants to get out of whatever they can. maybe someone will tell me sometime. yay one of my suitemates just came home, she is on the phone, she is really cool. she just asked what I was doing, I tried to tell her and write at the same time, I didn't do very well, my fingers didn't press the right keys, hard to do two things at once, I'm not one of those people who can like talk on the phone and clean or mess with the computer at the same time, I need to focus on talking on the phone or something else. not both, that is probably because I don't want to let the other people think that I'm not paying attention to them, ah I just got distracted for like 10 seconds. yipe. so anyways, well my timing is going down I only have two more minutes left and now I feel like I need a break but I don't have time for breaks, I think I'll make some coffee and stay up late and get stuff done. yay only one more minute. my room is messy right now too. I don't really mind it if its my mess though, oh well, ill clean it up soon, I am soooooo excited that this is almost over! it was a lot harder just to write than I thought. wow

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what classes do i take next semester? i need to plan out the rest of my college coursres out today. can i do it? is it too much for me? i think i can do it. i am completely capable of being admitted into medical school. thus far, i know that that is what God has in store for me, and what he thinks I should do now. there are so many people out there that i want to reach out to and help. i can not wait until my missions trip to russia. it wil be an awesome experience. everytime i think of all the people and children I will be helping i get a warm, tender, and comforting feeling in my heart. i think that God has given the gift of helping and taking care of others. for an extended period of my life i have always tried to find the meaning of my life, what special characteristics i possess but now i do not ponder on those things. i know that God has blessed me with several things and I am truly grateful. i hope that i can get involved with a good church here, and find a really nice cell group to join. i miss houston, newlife, house church. i wish that i could have stayed in houston and went to school there but i believe that i am where i belong. even though i may not like it here, i know that it is for the best. i believe that i will receive the best education i need for my profession in the future. plus, who knows, I may get more involved in church here in austin, and that may be another reason God has brought me here. nevertheless, i am determined to work far and beyond to be able to do my job. i am so tired today. i feel very tired but i can not seem to go back to sleep. it seems like every second is precious and i do not waste it by sleeping, atleast during the day. i am so nervous. it is only the third day of school and i am already stressing out. i think that i need to lighten up a little. my sister is right. i worry about things too much. i should just be easy-going but not too easy-going, i do not want to be carefree about everything. i am very thankful that i have naeri and my sister here. since i do not know many people in austin, it helps to atleast have one or two people i can talk to once in a while. i want to meet new people but the people here seem too immature for me. i am not really into the clubbing, drinking, etc. but then again there are so many students here, and i have only met the people that are into that because the people that i know are, so i just tag along. i am pretty sure that i will meet numerous people that share the some interests and aspects as i do. but i do not mind being alone. i think i am pretty independent exept for the fact that my parents my tuition but other than that i feel pretty independent. and, i also work and communicate well with others.

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It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button.

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Well, I don't really know what I am suppose to be doing, so I'll just do the best that I can. I have a lot of thoughts going on in my mind right now. I feel nervous, yet excited to find what college life has yet to bring me. I feel that I need to manage my time more, because I am so scared that everything is going to catch up with me. All weekend I've said that I need to do something, but just can't seem to figure out What I should do. I talk to my mom everyday, and it makes me really sad. Everyday I think of my family and how much I miss them. We are so close and my nieces and nephews mean the world to me, and everytime I talk to them on the phone it makes me cry. I even felt like just leaving, but I know that I have to stay here in order to succeed. My boyfriend doesn't really help out much in making me feel better. He just doesn't understand how it feels to actually miss family. He gets so mad at me just because I call her and he says by me doing that it doesn't make things any better. It's just that she is so sad because I am not there and she's all alone. She thinks that I won't ever come home again, and I know that's not true. I just wish there was a way for me to let her know that. She thinks that just because I left I won't ever see her again. I know that I will never move back home after I graduate, but it will always be home, and I know I will visit her. I also feel so pressured, in soo many ways. I just worry that I won't make it here. I just want it to all end soon. I want to finish school as quickly as possible, because I feel that I need to begin my life. I mean not begin my life, but actually start my own. I need to get out and see the real world on my own perspective. My mom has held this shield over me my whole life, so being here has opened my eyes a whole lot. I've learned so much, but know that I have so much more to see. I really wish I could experience more things though. I mean having a boyfriend holds me back a lot. I haven't gotten to experience all the things that I should. Sorry I don't know if this is going to work, but I realized I didn't put in my social or name. 462898153- Virginia Moreno

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I am hoping that I will be able to keep up with my thoughts for twenty minutes. It is only 8:12 and I still have 20 minutes to go. I wonder if Jared is doing ok. I hope he ate. I was really happy to see him eat so much at lunch today. I hope I don't get in trouble for sitting with him in his cafeteria. Today was so hot. I am definatley wearing shorts tomorrow. But that shirt is dark red, I hope it won't absorb too much heat. I must have lost at least 10 lbs of water today. It is riduculous how bad my schedule is. One hour in class, the next three sitting somewhere. God, finding FAC is going to be my semester goal. I can't believe how hard it is to find that building. No one else has trouble finding it but me. Maybe I have some kind of direction learning disability. I wonder if I have missplelled any words. does misspell have a hyphen? My head hurts. I must be because I am tired. Maybe because I have had my hair pulled back all day. I hope I can find that building tomorrow before I go to class. I hope history isn't boring. With my luck it will be awful. An hour and a half contemplating how the Germans felt about this and that. Why did I sign up for that class. I am doing a pretty good job typing. I hope they didn't want this in a certain form. AOL is such a waste of money. I wonder if Jared got me into the draw. I hope so. I can't wait till the game on Saturday. It will be so much fun. I hope his roomate likes me. I felt weird today just sitting there. I need to make some friends. My head hurts so badly. I need to go to bed early tonight. I don't have to get up half as early tomorrow as I did today. I think we are going to have to find a better way of comunicating. I was almost in tears when I couldn't find him. I wonder if he was mad at me. I hope not. I wish he would show more interest in me. Hopefully it is just because school started today. I guess they call it class and not school. I really didn't feel overwhelmed today. I am so tired. Only ten more minutes. I feel like I am writing a letter. I wonder how Casey and Anh are doing. I haven't heard from Lauren in about four months. She can be ridiculous when she wants to be. I wonder if she thinks I moved? I hope she doesn't come here for college. i know I would have to be her room mate and everything I did would be reported to everybody and their brother. I wonder why I have been using "everybody and their dog" latley. Perhaps no one has heard and their brother, so I feel weird saying it. I was really amazed that I got that great spot in the garage today. I think it was the same one that I parked in last night. I felt really bad for using the elevator to go up one level, but my hip was hurting terribly. It better go away for tomorrow. I hope I didn't miss a class today. All these discussion classes are going to drive me insane. Life would be much easier if I had a decent schedule. i think she is going deaf. Between the two of them, my God. She has been edgy lately. There can't be much stress doing what she does. What would happen if she saw this. I wonder if she would get upset and yell. Probably. I can't wait till it gets cooler. Better yet, I can't wait till Christmas break. I wonder how many people at UT celebrate Christmas. I need to start shopping for presents. I need to wrap the gifts that I have. Caitlin's birthday is in A FEW DAYS. Where does the time go? I wonder if this rambling means I'm crazy? I wouldn't be surprised. I can stop now.

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As I begin writing this I am a little annoyed because I'm doing it on my friends computer mine is broken. I wish I could just get my computer to work and be dependable. Also as I'm typing I'm thinking ahead as of what to say I guess I shouldn't do that or maybe that's just the way I think. The phone just started ringing but I'm not even going to answer it. I've been laying around all night watching a movie with a girl I used to like a lot. She's a beautiful girl and part of me still likes her but oh well. Things are different now and I don't really mind that. Also I've recently decided that I didn't want to be in a fraternity. I always thought I would, but really it just wasn't my thing. Right now I'm kind of kicking myself because I'm missing out on partying, but at the same time I hated the amount of time I spent doing stuff at the house. I felt like every one was here to party and study on the side. I wish I could do that but I can't, I need to do well in school. This weekend is Dave Matthews and I'm very excited. The concert is two nights and I'm going to both. Dave is my favorite musician and I've been looking forward to it for a long time. Also it is very hot in this room where I'm typing I wish that I could just some how make it like fifty degrees in here. I really like the cold weather and am looking forward to a break from the heat in the upcoming months. I think I like the cold because I'm hot natured, but also because I have good memories of winters. I love to reflect on the Christmas with my grandparents. As I glance down at my watch I see that my time is almost up so I guess I'll try to muster something great up. I don't know I'm a blank. I do however miss my family a little. I really miss my brother. It's odd because we always used to annoy each other but now I'd really get a kick out of seeing him.

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Naturally, since I am a college student, I should be focused on my college education, but my mind seems to be in other places right now. I went home over the summer and ended up meeting a wonderful person. That person and I became very close over the summer and ended up dating for a while. I am a guy and I never thought that I would be able to meet a guy that I could have such strong feelings for. We spent so much time together. I would go to work every morning at 8 am , and I would usually get out at about 6pm. After work, we would go running together. which served two purposes - exercise and spending time together. Well, the summer went by really fast and by the time I knew it, it was time for me to return to Austin. It was really hard to say goodbye to him but eventually I had to do it. On my way up to Austin, I stopped at his house and he had made me breakfast. We ate and talked for a while. I did not want to stay there too long or else I would end up arriving in Austin too late. So I said goodbye. which was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long while. besides tell my parents that I am gay. I don't think I am the same person after I met him. I have learned how to express my feelings more openly. I used to be so scared to express my feelings to anyone. probably because the people I used to date were girls. and deep down inside I was not happy with them. Now that I have experienced being with someone, and being happy with someone else. I want to feel like that all of the time, but the problem is that he is back home. and keeping a long distance relationship has been really hard. We decided to "break it off", and so he has been on my mind lately. which has contributed to my procrastination on this assignment. Anyway, this seems like a dumb thing to talk about. and I honestly can't believe I submitted this for an assignment. but it kind of helped to "write" it out. and hopefully I can get this out of my mind and focus on the more important aspects of my life right now. .

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Hi I'm Ben. I've been looking forward to this assignment since I heard of it. How often do I get a chance to get credit for babbling on a blank sheet of computer. I apologize. I can't spell to save my life and the point of this is to write not to write well. so anyway. I'm listening to emenem right now. I don't want to give the reader the impression that I'm into the popular mtv crap music that is so prevalent now, its just that it has a good beat and I can type fast to it. man I pity whoever has to read this. Let me ask you a question: have you ever considered that there isn't one universal reality but actually a different reality for every person on this planet. I was at a party this weekend and this thought was on my mind (no I wasn't high). I mean think about it. I'd go into this more but I'd have to stop typing and try to organize my thoughts more and that would just slow me down. I really like UT. that was on my mind. ok here comes the random babbling. I like Austin. people here are like no other on the planet. if ever a situation existed for an all out consciousness revolution it would be in Austin. so anyway, have you ever read any james joyce. he sucks. I can't stand him. I brought that up because he has the same weird ass choppy writing style that I'm using right now. I usually don't like to write like this. my papers usually make much more sense and my thoughts are much more clear. I suppose I could try to flub this and actually write instead of babble but I promised my roommates this would only take 20 minutes, they want to start a movie and they are waiting on me. wow that first 9 minutes really flew by. I'm a Japanese major. Now if you were wondering " wow I wonder what this dorky lower classman's major is? " you know. I feel bad that you have to read all this mental defecation. ok what am I thinking about now. I guess I'm thinking about the way I think, and I guess that's the point of this assignment. congratulations. I usually think in words. unless I'm inebriated then I think in pictures. I don't like thinking in pictures because things are so hard to communicate. hmm this is starting to get old, not to imply that I have a short attention span but I somehow pictured this differently. I thought about mapping all my thoughts about the previous thoughts on reality in general. now I've decided that is just to strange to submit to some stranger (no offense) in the psych department. Whoever reading this should read the principia discordia and the illuminatus trilogy. While I'm telling you what to do, you should vote for Gore. Aww here's something I can write about: politics. I hate and fear George bush. the fact that his slimy presence has to disgrace the great city of Austin is quite the insult. his Christian pro life beliefs coupled with his yen for the death penalty confuse and aggravate me. I rue the day the Christian right gain presidential power. I also am happy I worked "rue" into that last sentence. aww yeah. Well it looks like my writing time is coming to an end. I also played with the idea of getting hellasiously wasted before doing the stream of consciousness assignment. I'm glad I didn't this paper is crazy and disjointed enough already. ok well farewell random psych guy who read this. I will always hold a special place in my heart to you. well not really and that should relieve you. I promise you I'm not crazy. Well no more than anyone else. keep it real brother man.

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I really miss my family. School here is fast paced and big. Ice cream was good tonight. Wish I could see G. J. I love him he's so cool and fun to be with. I wish Justin would call me why hasn't he called yet? I wish that I\I had my old bed here with me now I want to have fun I think that I am really tired right now. I need sleep I should be sleeping not typing it's hard to clear your mind because there are so many things to think about how's Sarah doing? I miss her she's so cute I wish I could pick her up and hug her right now. I wish that I weren't in schhol again already. I love the eagles. I'm just running down the road trying to loosen my load got seven women on my mind. what I don't have any women on my mind I guess my mom well I like my screen saver a lot. The elephant sounds and the frog is really cute. I need to eat more regularly. ever since I got here I haven't been eating enough. Am I homesick? Is it too hard to keep in contact with people here? yes it is. Too many people. I wanted a big school but I don't think I knew what I was getting into. I just want to be successful I wan't to meet people and to make lasting and important relationships I want to get married I wish I could sleep and think and not have to stay up doing random assignments that will hav no effect on my life whatsoever. I know that college is worth the trouble but sometimes I wish I didn't have to be here-I didn't have to grow up. I know that everything will work out why has G. J. been treating me like he has I am just an old flame am I boring to him now? why did last night he say that he was tired and wanted to sleep but then when his friend called he was ready to do something why does he always have to be so selfish I always do things for othewr people and I w\usually think about him and what he would want constantly am I getting taken advantage of I am sore I have been working out a lot lately. I need to go run and clear my thoughts I wish my bed were here. I hate the new bed. I can't ever sleep. My first monday is tomorrow and I'm not excited about it. whhy/ coffee would be good now I'm a caffeine addict. I love it just like I love gj just like I wish he were here right now. what am I going to do for the rest of the night/ why hasn't jenny called me where are all of my friends? I miss juli. she's a really good friend. Anthony is too why didn't I go canoeing with him yestereday? should have why do I never want to talk to him anymore do I think that he wants me more than I would like. I still have 7 minutes left. just looked at the clck I hope that's allowed. maybe not but probably is okay because I really was wondering how much time I have left Danny said that he already did his assignment he's a nerd though no wonder he can't get girls to fulfill his needs anthony just called he said he only made 50 bucks but he just rode around on a kayk all day. church was cool anthony should have come witrh me. Anthony should come and eat lunch me tomorrow he says he wants too. fun fun. I wonder if I'm going to run out of meals my roommate is on the desk right now she's pretty wierd I've known her since fourth grade and she still seems wierd to me oh well maybe she always will. I wish justrin would call. why wont he? probably has a girlfriend. Like I have a boyfriend that's been treating me like shit that's always nice- love that hate guys sometimes well I have about two or three minutes left. Gosh roommmate is inging now what the hell is felicia singing/ She can't sing. I can sing better than she can. I hope you appreciate reading this if you ever do because it is emotionally straining at this time of night for me to write all of this. Hmm. my 20 minutes is over How time flies when life's a bitch

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I am presently thinking that I cannot believe that I am actually going to sit here and write fo 20 minutes, that is a really really long time. Well I am also thinking that I am fivxing to go to aerobics from 9:00 to 10:00 and not only is it late but it is also going suck. But I need to get into shape. I am worried that if I don't go and excersise I am going to gain that dreaded freshman 15 which will not at all be cool. I come fram a town of 20,000 and everyone knows everyone and all their business so I am sure that if I go home whith any added pounds everyone will notice, and most likely comment. Well I just looked at the clock and I realized that I have only been typing for four minutes, and this really scares me because I do not want to get cramps in my hands. I hate to type, because I am not very good at it and on top of that I do not use very good grammar or punctuation, even after I checked and rechecked my work. So it does worry me that I will have to turn this assignment in unrevised. I cannot get itout of my head how weird I think this assignment is MY friend is now leaning over my shoulder trying to read the assignment and she is making me very nervous. i can not stand to be nervous. The girl next to me just call the little whistle on her screen which notifies her of new mail, and I was thinking that I love it when I hear that noise. Earlier before I started this assignment I checked my e-mail and I had one new message from my friend Travis who goes to Sam Houston State, I was so excited to hear from him he is one of my really good friends. the lady that is in charge of the computer station just made this girl show her, her id and when she asked for it she was not very nice. Which makes me think of the fact that I very strongly dislike people who are rude when they are providing a serviece to you. I mean it is like they are getting paid to do this so I do not know why a little common courtesy is so hard to come by, I am getting really bored with this assignment because I am having a hard time concentrating on typing while at the same time letting things naturally flow into my thoughts. But I guess that you are used to that, I am like also wondering why I am acting like you are actually going to read this because I know that you are not and it seems stupid to sit here and just jabber about nothing, someone else just got the e-mail alarm and once again I am reminded of my most recent message, which I was very excited about, my friend next to me is the one I go to aerobics with and she is already all dressed in her aerobics outfit ready to go. she just interrupted me again to ask me for the instructions on how to get here, I do not like to be bothered when I am in the middle of doing somthing, but I have found that it is very not to be bothered when you are living in a small space with someone, because no matter how quiet they are trying to be they never seem to be quiet enough, I know glanced at the clock again and I realize that at max I only have to type for 3 more minutes which excites me very much. My fingers are cramping and I am getting very old with this assignment I am hoping that the next assignment will not be timed but I am under the impression that with my luck that is am improbability, I feel sorry for my friend she just started the assignment and she has no idea what she has gotten herself into, I cannot wait until she is done so I can ask her what she thought about. WEll MY TIME IS UP!!!

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THIS IS MY FIRST YEAR HERE AT UT AND I AM ENJOYING IT. I AM A TRANSFER STUDENT FROM DALLAS AND I AM MAJORING IN EDUCATION. I HOPE TO TEACH IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN DALLAS. I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT OFF OF RIVERSIDE WITH MY BESTFRIEND. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME FOR BOTH OF US TO BE APART FROM OUR FAMILIES. I AM DOING GOOD. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE HOME SICK THE FIRST WEEK HERE. BOY WAS I WRONG! I WENT HOME THIS PAST WEEKEND BECAUSE MY BESTFRIEND HAD A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT IN DALLAS. I WAS SO READY TO COME HOME(AUSTIN). I HAD ALREADY STARTED TO MISS MY CUTE LITLLE APARTMENT AND THE PEACE AND QUIETNESS THAT I HAVE HERE. MY FRIENDS CAME IN FOR THE LABOR DAY WEEKEND TO VISIT. THEY WERE ONLY HERE TWO DAYS AND THEY HAVE TOLD ME THAT THEY BOTH MISS IT. IN THE SPRING SEMESTER MY OTHER BEST FRIEND WILL BE MOVING DOWN HERE FOR SCHOOL. SHE IS ALSO MAJORING IN EDUCATION. WE BOTH LOVE KIDS VERY MUCH. NEXT FALL WE WILL ALL BE LIVING TOGETHER. IT WILL BE FOUR OF US IN ALL. WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR ALMOST SEVEN YEARS. ALL OF US ARE VERY CLOSE AND I WORSHIP OUR FRIENDSHIP. I HAVE A LITTLE SISTER WHO IS A SOPHOMORE AT A MAGNET SCHOOL IN DALLAS. WE USUALLY DON'T GET ALONG BUT THAT IS NORMAL FOR OUR AGES AND FOR US TO BE SIBLINGS. I HAVE TWO OLDER SISTERS WHO I GET ALONG WITH PERFECTLY AND MISS VERY MUCH. THE ONE I SEEM TO MISS EVEN MORE IS MY PRECIOUS DARLING NEPHEW ETHAN. HE WILL BE FOUR YEARS OLD IN NOVEMBER. AND IS AS SPOILED AS THEY COME. MY FAMILY IS VERY CLOSE. MY MOTHER AND LITTLE SISTER ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO ARE LIVING AT HOME. MY FATHER PASSED WAY IN 97 FROM LEUKEMIA. I HAVE TWO BROTHERNLAWS WHOM TRY THEIR HARDEST TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY. AND DO A GOOD JOB. I AM TAKING 15 HOURS THIS SEMESTER AND WILL HAVE A FULL SCHEDULE FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF. I WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN IN THE FUTURE. I WANT AT LEAST TWO KIDS. I KNOW I WILL BE A GOOD MOTHER. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT ANY TIME SOON. RIGHT NOW I AM ONLY WORRIED ABOUT TAKING CARE OF MY SCHOOL.

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lately I think of how I have to study and study hard because I would hate to be putting my family's financial status at risk. then I keep an eye out for work thats on campus and make plans to call only I wonder why I'm not getting on the ball with what I know is important. I'm worried about money, very worried about not following throught and disappointing my parents. you know I feel like going back to arlington and visit my family and friends, but I don't want them to think that I'm very homesick cause I don't think that I am . not really. it's relaly only been two weeks away. but it will be labor day weekend so it's okay to be home, I think. wandering if my mom actually plans on meeting my boyfriends mom. kinda nervous because his mom just found out we were going out and so . who knows what she's thinking. I'm trying to figure out how to tell my dad. he reassured me that he's not setting limits on me just that he wants me to take care of school first. why is it my roommate and best friend seems to be in this room as little as possible. I think I'm in here more than I should be but then I like being alone sometimes. wonder if my friends think that I'm just anti-social and don't want to try things. I don't go out of the room except to run, go to class, do an errand. just remembered that I have to go get some handbook for art class and its sold at I T copy. I just don't feel like going to get it right away. think I'll get it after a class tomorrow since I'm already going to be out. don't want to go to room and then go back out until I have class. why do I wait? my dad told me not to put things off, and I said I know but I still do it. scary thinking that I have a whole 4 maybe 5 years of schooling left until I am really on my own. i feel kind of on my own right now. just without parents. when I think of my parents I remember when they left after helping me move in. the days before I thought I was going to cry when they said goodbye because I have been so family-oriented but as they left I came close to tears but they didn't come. hmm that's weird. I love my mom so much that I can't think of why I didn't break into tears. she's always been there. and my dad. well. i came very close to it when he told me he loved mebecause I think the last time I heard him say that to me was so far back I can't remember. then my boyfriend came to spend time with me before he starts school. i was pretty sure I would be okay and that I wouldnt cry. then he left and I cried. lots. strangely he came back and then when he really had to leave I didnt cry. people have a way of disappointing you and making you feel bad. I thought this guy was my friend even when we were distant and then I had to find out that he told a girl I am no longer friends with that he didnt like me. I was in shock I didnt know what to do. my friends have a thing for changing their minds quickly and then saying that they are not different.

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Well I have been thinking about a dream I had last night which was bothersome. I have only vomitted twice in my life and so my dream had to do with me throwing up all over the place and in my dream I was trying to wake up from the dream because I don't like throwing up. I was also thinking about all of my school work. I am very frustrated with the pre-testing website because I can never get on it. There always seems to be some sort of technical difficulty, and I don't know what to do about it and so I came up with one solution and that is to get Netscape Navigator but that also didnt work out like I had hoped. So I tried to see if there was a problem with my Internet provider so that whole thing is causing a lot of frustration for me. Well I don't like thinking about it too much because I am hoping sometime between now and September 11th my problem willl be solved. I am also overwhelmed in my spanisk 312L class which my last semester of a language and it is very difficult and I dread going to class every MWF from 12-1. As I am writing this I keep thinking about how the instructions of this assignment says not to worry about grammar but I still have to make sure that I haved spelled every word correctly not so much the punctuation but the spelling. This assignment is very fun for me. Also I am thinking about the conversation my roommates and I had last night about God right after we were discussing God in class on Monday. We had a two or so hour conversation about death and God after I had stated that the ONE subject that I do not like talking about is death. So ofcourse we talk about death and then we go on to have a deep conversation which is something I enjoy doing from time to time just to see what other people feel about certain topics. I am also constantly thinking about guys that I used to know in high school and the one or two that are a year younger than me that I still talk to and that have at one point or another had an attraction to but don't know what will come of it meaning whether or not I will stay friends with the two boys as time goes on. I am also thinking about what is going on on the television show that is on in my room. It has to do with sexual harassment and it is the guy accusing the woman of sexual harassment at a Dominos Pizza Company. And he won the landmark case. It is funny because the comedy show that was on prior to the present show had to do with the same issue. Well that is all --- This assignment was very pleasing to me because I enjoy doing assignment like this.

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it is about 93% hispanic and 5% anglo and 3% other. my house is an hour west of south padre island, where my family owns a condo at suntide I and a sailboat in which we dock it at the sea ranch. I will arrive home aroung four thirty or five to go back to my highschool and surprise my boyfriend jason. he will be practising basketball when iget there because he doen't expect me home till six. then I will go home and see my mom, sister,and dog cocoa. cocoa is a chocolate lab that has been missing me very much . she gets extreemly excited every time my boyfriend goes over thinking that I should be around there some where. around seven I will leave to go to about an hour of a football game. see the cheerleading squad that I miss and the band march which I miss just as much. then from there iwill leave and go to the beach, with jason. my mon and sister willalready be there. when I get there my mom promised to bbq my favorite foods, since the dorm food has already gotten old. then at the beach I will spend quality time with my family and take cocoa for walks on the beach, where she loves to run in the ocean and chase sea gulls. I most importantly can't wait to take those long romantic walks on the beach at night with my boyfriend, whom I love and miss very much. on saturdaymy dad and little brother will meet us there after the hunting trip. sunday my neighbors will come down. they are my family down there because our closest relative is in wisconsin. they will bring all there children, which adds up to seven. my boyfriends parents and little brother will also be meeting us down there as well. I can't wait to spend time with all those people, and tell them about my new family up here. I just got into a sorority, a week ago tomorrow. alpha delta pi is the one that I got into, and I love it. they make us study ten hours a week at the house which I think will a positive thing for everyone. however I will miss my roommate this weekend. her name is alyssa bauer and is also a engineerig major like myself. I'm going into civil though and she is going into mechanical. but we get along very well. this is her lab top that I', writing this assignment on right now. she is so sweet. she is even saportive of me being in a sorority. and we went pot luck.

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Well, hello Mr. Paper. I am so happy to be here writing about what is on my mind. Where should I start. "Start", isn't that a funny word. About as funny as the guy next door because he is singing to some girly song. Well, this might be pretty long because I type pretty fast. My eyes are so tired. Sometimes I think my mind purposely pushes my eyelids down, hinting at me that I need to keep them shut for more than a few hours. Sometimes when I take deep breathes it hurts. "Why?" you ask. Well it is a long story. It doesn't hurt, but it puts a sharp pain in my left shoulder due to my car accident ( I won't get into it). So, I am a college student now. What does that exactly mean? I think it means I can finally be myself. I don't have to worry about what my parents will think. There is only one restriction still holding my true self down. My girlfriend that I still have, even though she doesn't even go to school here. She lives all the way over in Galveston, and I can't stand the way things are. I say that I am in love with her, but is that true when I am so happy to be away from her? Anyways, I say "restriction" because that is what she is right now. I literally have to check in with her, and she has to know everything I do. So I guess in a way I didn't get away from my parents. She took their place. So, I figure that as long as she is in Galveston, and completely attached to me, I have to have my fun here and then lie to her. I know it sounds bad, but if I were to tell her what I actually do here, I would have to spend endless amounts of hours on the phone with her because she would be so upset. OK, I am sick of talking about this. The women at this University are the most amazing I have ever seen. And I guess that is why I am having such a hard time with my girlfriend. I have never seen so many good looking women. I feel like I am in a candy store. And it helps that I am a good looking guy, because I get their attention. That sounds conceited, but I am an honest man. I know that some women are attracted to me, and I am attracted to many women. Also, I am highly flirtatious, so my girlfriend gets real scared with me being here. I just tell here all the girls are ugly. I brought a camera to school. I have some incriminating photos on that thing. I need to get those developed and locked away. Nothing too bad, but bad enough to get me in trouble with my girlfriend. You see, why does everything come back to her. I hate it. I don't want to have to worry about a relationship right now! But what do I do? I respect and love her too much to hurt her. So, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what to do. Yet another thing I should be having to do. I just want to be here at college, go to class, study, meet people, have fun, and NOT worry about a relationship. Seriously, I have to get off this. Let's change the subject. I want to talk about cheese. Cheese is really weird. It comes from a cow, but how does it get to be cheese. I know there is an answer, but it is still a mystery in my mind. And then where do the holes come from? Are they bubbles of air, or did they just appear there, or did some kind of bug eat the cheese away? Swiss is my favorite. American is horrible. It just shouldn't be allowed. to be made. Cheddar is enjoyable. There are no other cheeses as far as I am concerned. They go great on hamburgers. With lettuce and mayo and ketchup, I can have myself a meal. Well, it is late and those little demons keep pushing my eye lids down, so I will end it here. It was wonderful to type on this lovely screen!

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College presents a life that is quite different from home life! Having to adjust the many changes is both challenging and fun! Doing laundry is a task that I am almost positive that I will never become accustomed to! It is boring and time consuming! When I visit home I appreciate the clean clothes in my closet even more, since they are clean and I wasn't the one to clean them! However, the independence I now have is unexplainable. I realize that I am in control of my life now and the direction I will go! Sure I had control of my life before college, but my parents were there to guide me and make sure I made the right decision. Now it's all up to me to make the right choices. I have to be the one to say, "I don't want to go out tonight. " And when my friends persist, I can't use the excuse, my parents won't let me, which makes it even more difficult! I know college will present me with as many challenges to overcome as well as fun memories that I will cherish forever. I am excited about my next four years here and am quite sure that with my determination and hard work, I will succeed not only at The University of Texas, but in life as well!

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hey! I'm typing the first writing assignment for my psychology class. That's PSY301. My professor is Pennebaker. I'm not sure how that's supposed to be pronounced. is it like pen-baker or pen-ne-baker? I'm thinking that it's the second way. hey it's been two minutes. only 18 minutes left now. what should I type about right now? I wonder if grammar, punctuation, and spelling matter in this assignment. I doubt that it does. I sure hope it doesn't. I don't feel like capitalizing all my I"s right now. stream of consciousness. what to type. I don't know. I should be able to type faster. my leg is asleep. is this going to submit automatically when twenty minutes are over? I think I'm supposed to do it manually. I wonder if I'm supposed to leave in errors on this assignment. or am I allowed to use the backspace key? it's a pretty useful key. the delete key does the same thing as the backspace key except it goes the other way. my fingers are getting kind of tired. is "kind of" correct grammar? what should I type about now? well, I'm using a computer in the computer lab in the west building right now to type up this writing assignment because the internet isn't working on my computer. my computer has only been connected to the internet like 3 times since I moved in here. stupid airwave. or maybe it's my computer configuration that's causing conflicts. anyway, why do bad things always seem to happen to me? these kinds of problems always seem to happen to me. I'm like the only one here whose internet connection isn't working. hmm. I hope we weren't supposed to divide this assignment into paragraphs. or organize it or something. I feel like playing the guitar now. I want to improve. I don't think adri is in his room right now so he can't help me now. I don't think keerthan is in his room either. what's up with the weather these past two days? my fingers and wrists are feeling a little tense now. it's been raining like on and off frequently around here. hey it's been 12 minutes now. 10 minutes have passed since I last mention the time limit. I think. and now there are about 8 minutes left. man, this is taking longer than I thought it would. or it feels longer. hey look at that finish button. I want to click on it. but it probably wouldn't be a good idea. click-click-clickety-click. dot dot dot. I'm bored. and tired. crap, I got to do that experiment thing for this class too. I wonder if he minds if I use slang in this assignment. is "got to" counted as slang? I'm kind of hungry. not hungary. that's a country. well I'm not really very hungry. I just had lunch a couple hours ago. it wasn't that good. the tomato sauce for the pasta is too chunky. and the liquid part is too thin. yeah, not good stuff. hey I got a three day weekend. I like fridays, but I don't like wednesdays because I have four and a half hours of class then. and I have zero hours of class on fridays!. weeeee. doing homework on my free day. hey less than a minute to go. I wonder if the pennebaker gets tired of reading all of these assignments. or if he even reads them. can I get brownie points from this? pennebaker is cool!. hey a pop-up just told me that my twenty minutes are up, so I'm going to click that finish button now.

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I am so ready to go home and see my family and friends. I have never really ever been by myself for this long. It would not be so bad if I had at least one familiar face around but I really don't. I am trying to get to know my roommates better but I guess it is not the same as knowing people and going to school with them for years. In my small town we will be friends forever but here I am not so sure. I really hope I can get involved with the church here. I think that will help a whole lot. I want to be involved in a spirit organization but the whole "lets get drunk at every social event" really bugs me. Why can't people just have good clean fun? I love the team and the school but I can have a great time supporting them without getting drunk, high or having sex! Anyway I am looking forward to seeing the familiar. I love it here and am gload I came but I am looking forward to next weekend. I am really ready to see aron and my other friends. This has been the longest we have been separated. I pray though that if we can make it being apart that we will be together forever. I love him so much. We can talk about anything. It is great. We share so many things in common. He loves God and that means the most to me. It is a real balanced relationship. Wow I cannot believe it has only been 7 minutes. It feels like an eternity. I have so many other things to be doing like spanish and reading for other classes. I am kind of nervous aout my classes. My major is Spanish and I am not so good at it yet. Hopefully it will come with more practice. Wow this retreat this weekend with the church is going to be great. I cannot wait. I am so ready to be around people and meet people. I want to build good lasting relationships instead of just aquatances. It is kind of lonely with just saying "hi how are you?" and then nothing past that. O well. I hope I am doing well in school. I don't just want to be here, I want to thrive here. I want to be the best that I can be with everything I do. I want to be proud of myself and I want others to be proud. I like having lectures and tests as apposed to homework, quizzes and tests. But then again, if I mess up on a test it will be hard to get my grade back up. I am shooting for A's but one or two B's would not be awful. But I am studying for A's. I need to start working out. I have been sick though but I need to start again. Maybe someone might like to go with me. It is always better with someone else. I am looking forward to be married, hopefully to aron, becuase we can do these things together becuase we both enjoy the same things. I also wish Josh was here, it would be so much easier. Hopefully he will get into college here and we can hang out more together. He is like a brother to me and will always be. I really miss him. Hopefully he will call back but I guess I will just call him again. Well these are all the things I have been thinking about for the past couple of weeks. I think about these things all the time and just think it has only been 16 minutes. I wish all writing assignments were this easy. I need to sign up for more experiments so I don't get behind. I also need to do some passoffs. Hopefully if I study them well today I can do one tomorrow and one thurs and then one friday and the only have 12 left. That would be good. I wonder who is all coming home for homecoming? probably most people. I love my little town. I would not trade it for the world. Those that have lived there their whole lives don't appreciate it as much as I do but they will some day. I am really glad my mom married walter and that we moved there. I like it that I live here cause my dad visits a lot. My family is awesome. They do so much for me and I thank God I have them. You know another thing that bugs me about here is that so many people are liberals. What is this world coming to? I am so voting for Bush!

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Mom shpuldn't worry about me not being htere to answer the phone-I just missed her is the funny part. I wonder if dad misses me as much as Crystal dad does her. Care bear watch. That was interesting activity in theatre class-I loved that girl's folder from Italy. I wonder if that director thinks I totally butchered Moliere. My monolague who cares. Why does Kyle like Meghan-she's sucha tomboy-adn I'm not saying that because I think he's cute too, but because she is-but that'sn mena she's really sweet also. Sort of. I need to study for this biology class. I've got to get ahead on my reading. Psychology is so differetn from the way6 my mind works-I'm a math and science person. I think with numbers and diagrams. Crystal wants to be a psychology major-that noise is bugging me it sounds like a cd player being loaded and unloaded. That guy I talked to the other day is such a hottie. Floor 16 I think-I might just have to get lost up there. Got I need to read!!!Luke is so cute for writing me-why is it my ex can't say more than three words to me but his best friend can send letters and everything. Math class in a bit-my teacher is so bizarre. Really quirky- but just not all there. WHat is this complex that I have with people in a authority-I mean why just because they are over me do I find them attractive-it's so weird. I can't wait to see John Joseph next weekend. watch him be out of town or gone. That was a mistake. But, it was bound to happen. Why have I not really gotten homesick? is there something wrong with me?Everyone I know has had some brush with this , but I'm still fine-and, I lloove my family and there just wonderful. I need to call the Greek life board, the coppertank, and get that ink for my computer, let's see. can't call to this weekend with the phone and trent has no wayt of hearing from me. IK wonder if a lot of people are going outb of town for labor day weekend? last year we went camping I was with Ben then--he was a sweetie, but the breath thing got in the way. Is that shallow of me-I can't wait to see the people who were cast for this play? It's so highgly competitive. But there's sucha rewarding feeling when you step out of that room knowing good and well that you produced something from your imagination and hard work and effort. I wonder if this is enough. HOw would they know if I stopped at 18 or 20 minutes-BUT I WON"T STOP UNTIL 20 MINUTES HAS ELASPED!!=) I'm starting to get hungry and some how I need to trek to rlm from here-I need to find the cam pus loop schedule. It's so quiet in this library I love it. This is the only place I can really study everyone is loud on our floor do they ever study or did they sign up for some course I don't know about. I'm so proud of myself I haven't gone out at all this week. Does Heath really like Sarah if he sayus he loves her that's such crap. Oh well time up, bye.

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well I am sitting here in my bed just before 11 AM on a thursday morning writing out a conscious stream of my thoughts. my girlfriend is coming to see me this weekend and I'm excited about that, as well as the fact that my best friend is going back home for the weekend and leaving his apartemnt at my disposal. an apartment is a much better place to stay with your girlfriend than any god-forsaken dormatory, especially since my room mate will be here. football game saturday agains UNT, and I love my football. I've always loved college football and now that I get to go and watch my team, one of the best in the nation, play is a great experience for me, on that I will enjoy greatly for the next few years. speaking of which, I'm pretty hacked off that I was unaware that you had to purchase tickets to the OU game seperately, and more than that, that there was no obvious information on the season ticket website about this. I'm getting back into the flow of school again, and most of my classes seem like they will be rather easy, assuming that I read the material and pay attention in class, which I might add is tough to do on a regular basis. I've havent attended a single calculus study session which greatly frees up my tuesdays and thursdays, having only one class in the late afternoon. I love not having to write with proper punctuation and capitalization. the experiment in class the other day was very interesting. I personally though lie detectors were a bunch of crap, but the psychological side of them is pretty interesting. I wouldn't mind doing a psychological study of poker players and how they interact while playing hold 'them, etc. Some of the calls they make about other peoples hands are simply amazing. what makes someone fold a good hand? what makes a person be able to win on a bluff? these are interesting events to me. but anyways, I wish I didn't have any homework this weekend, as a matter of fact I need to finish reading chapter three in my psyc book, I'll attend to that after I finish writing this. hmmmm, what else, oh yeah. last night I played with four of my friends in a pick up game at the gym. the first game we won, the second game we won, and the third game we lost by one shot to a team led by a steriod, testosterone-over pumped crazy kid who was a complete jerk. it's interesting that everyone on my team was pissed off, except for me. they are normally the ones who tell me to chill out cause I get mad and stuff. I sort of miss dallas and my girl, but I know that we're both very committed and that she loves me a lot. she's a great girl and I'd hate to have to do all this without her, although I wish she was at TSU, that would make things much, much easier. I'm really hungry, I wish this timer would hurry up, I need to shave, wash my face, brush my teeth, eat something, finish reading, do some homework, and study for a quiz I have tomorrow in economics. I hope that quiz won't be too hard. I'll just have to memorize the stuff in the book such as the expendeture approach to GDP, which is that GDP=C+I+G+(I'M-EX). wow, I'm really glad I can remember that and I havent even studied yet, but the income approach is a little harder, even though I know I can get that easily if I just study it for a little while. will thanks for the time, my 20 are up. bye.

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I've been thinking about relationships lately. As we speak my mind is bewildered with thoughts of my ex-girlfriend that i was with for over a year, and the new girl im dating. Im still friends with my ex, but she still loves me and im not in love with her any longer. This new girl means the world to me, she is a nice change of pace for me. It's something new and I like it, but I can't help but still have feelings for my ex. I think the reason is because I was in a sexual relationship with her for a year, my first sexual partner. And I think that keeps me tied to her in a way. And the problem is when I'm with this new girl, I'm very turned on and want to be with her sexually but for some reason I can not get aroused, if you nkow what I mean. It's not that I don't want to, because I do, but for some reason I'm just not able to. I wonder why this is? Why can't I just have another healthy sexual relationship with this new girl. Is it me? What can I do to fix the problem? Should I just stop thinking about it and eventually it will pass over time? Or will this be a chronic thing? Im in a bind because I don't want to offend this new girl by not getting aroused with her. I don't want her to think I'm not attracted to her. God, I can't wait to see her! She lives in Dallas still, she's a year younger, so I can only go back in town on occasion to see her, and what makes it even worse is the temptation from my ex, because she goes to college here with me. And she has already taken advantage of me when I was drunk. Should I tell this new girl this? What good would it do? I'm not going to volunteer the information to her, but if she asked me I definitley wouldn't lie to her. When I broke up with my ex I wanted to be free, I mean I was going to college and I wanted to see what possibilities there were for me without the weight of a girl friend on my back. But then just a week after we broke up, I found her!! And she makes me want to go back to a relationship state. She likes me how I am, but I like to try and impress her as much as I can. I find myself spending a lot of moeny on her! Plus, I'm taking a weight lifting class here to make myself look better, not just for her, but myself too, but I definitley want it for her because I know she would like to see me with more muscles. She's so beautiful! Her face pops up in my head everyday. I see her face on everyone I meet! Am I in love again? I hope not. I don't want to fall in love with someone I can't be with do to where we live. That would hurt too much. I have to be close to the person i love. So I will not let myself fall in love again. I can't let it happen. But I'm afraid it will, I know she is falling in love with me, but I got to hold back. I got to be strong. I can't wait till I go back in town in october. I'm taking her out to a haunted house, I love them , she hates them. Meaning she will be clinging to me like white on bread. I love when she puts her arms around me. I love when we're fooling around she takes my shirt off. She's very aggressive. . . god I love that. An aggressive woman is very attractive in my eyes, a woman who will take control is somethign rare, and she posesses it. I so want to get more physical with her, but I'm afraid because you see, she's a virgin. . . I'm not. I don't want to steal her innocence. She's so sweet and innocent, I don't want to corrupt that, especially when I don't know if there is a definite future for she and I. What do I do? I think she wants to have sex because of all the signals she gives me when we're fooling around but I'm not too sure. Do I go ahead and go for it? Or will that just make me fall in love with her, which I stated before I didn't want to do. Man, she makes me so jealous! I have never been jealous, but for some reason she makes me. I guess it might be because I'm not there with her, and i know she hangs out with all these guys, and osmetimes its just her and a guy. That pisses me off, I mean I trust her, but one of the guys she hangs out with is an ex-boyfriend of hers, who makes it very clear that he is still madly in love with her. So how am I suppsoe to take that? god!! I wish I wasn't jealous, I mean she and I are just dating and I'm already this jealous. I was never this jealous in my entire previous relationship. She makes me so happy though. She can do nothing wrong! She is my everything and I think about her constantly! I think I love her!

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Lunch was good. Not sure if I'm still hungry or not. My room is slowly warming up. It was 55 degrees when I woke up this morning. It now reads 63. 1. I can still taste the peanut butter and jelly in my mouth. I think I'm full. My grandparents are coming today. they get in around 11 pm. I am really excited to see them. Although, that does entail me going home a lot to see them. I don't know what to study tonight at the house. I think I'm going to outline some biology, finish my prelab, maybe read some more psychology for next week. Here's my work out plan for this week. Monday--way to tired to do anything, Tuesday--extreme hip hop at atomic. wed-going to booty rama, hopefully. Thursday, I think ill be too tired and sore to do much of anything. Run on Friday, and maybe Saturday. My suitemate is leaving for class now. someone just signed off from my buddy list. I went to tops before lunch, got 5 pictures. ok they charge 2. 75 per picture! that's unbelievable, but they make a whole lot of money. I'm looking at a picture of dewan, it makes me laugh a lot, oh I need to call dr. dewan to see if I can go visit him this week. I also need to call Mrs. Allen to tell her a good time for me to tutor Jamison. I need to remember to ask today during the meeting how long the owl pal on Thursday will take. Someone's phone is ringing. It is so much warmer in my room now. I can't believe that my grandparents are coming tonight. her message is about her computer. ok. what now. I really want to talk to billy or dewan just to see how they are. maybe ill call later on this week. WE have an SAE mixer on Wednesday. I hope I get a date for Friday, otherwise that means that I probably won't go. I need to brush my teeth. What should I wear to the meeting tonight? I wish who ever is using the washer would hurry up and take their clothes and put in in the dryer so that people like me can wash their clothes. I have a shortage. especially of bras. the tower is ringing cause is quarter till the hour. my vase with bamboo is fogging up due to the temperature change. Oko I think I'm full. I hope biology is interesting today. And psychology. oh that's that one I'm most concerned about. I need to download more songs. wow I'm only halfway through. its 65. 7 now. so much warmer. Ohh I should probably start studying for my test on Thursday in my intro to greek and latin elements in English. So I can't believe that there is a girl in my pledge class with fake boobs. that's crazy. oh I really need some wall decor. Maybe some pictures or a bulletin board, something though cause its really plain right now. I'm looking at a picture of my family from graduation. we look cute. I started to watch notting hill last night, it was good. ohh I went to bed at 9:30. It felt so good, but definitely still not enough sleep. someone just signed on, but lauren signed off. I hope meghan is doing ok. her health just isn't going for her right now. Lord, please watch over meghan and her health and her mom. May the doctors find out what is wrong with her. Brooke just got home. She is listening to her message, her computer is dead. I'm nervous for my first biology test. I'm excited for this weekend, paige is coming on town, there's a football game, and I think fiji foam is on Saturday. alright were almost there's about 6 minutes left to go. So I cannot believe that this sara chick knows peco and has made out with him. I need some ribbon to hang my roses. pledge meeting is tonight, still don't know what I'm wearing. probably ill end up in a skirt and a white shirt. maybe some capris, well see. I'm so scared of the freshman 15. I don't want to gain weight, but they say that you drop it once summer comes around, I don't know if that will happen for me considering I live here. oh man I miss everyone so much. I really want everyone to come back so that we can hang out again. Its a long ways from thanksgiving. I need to get some pictures developed. oh so I have absolutely no idea of what I'm going to do next year for rooming. I don't know if I should room with mary grace, or catie and jen? ahh this is frustrating. I have put it in Gods hands and now I just have to wait and be patient, although it is quite difficult. ok there were some bells ringing incessantly, but they have stopped. It is so much warmer its great. and here the bells go again. and I'm done thinking. I have the nasty aftertaste of onions in my mouth. need to brush my teeth. Katie just wrote herself a message that reads, katie. call UPS stupid, love me. haha that's great. Brookes leaving to go to class. I guess ill see her in psychology and maybe well sit next to cute boys. I really really really want to do my laundry. ok what's with the bells honestly maybe its a wind chime outside. yes forty seconds to go. this has been the most random mixture of thoughts possible. ohh I want to see abby soon and talk to her and let her meet my parents. I really have to pee so I'm going to take care of that as soon as this is over and we are done!

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I have so many things to do and not enough time. I feel like I am taking on too much. I know I can handle it if I get past these first few weeks, but right now I feel overwhlemed. I am stressed out with all the reading I have to do. I am such a slow reader and it takes so much effort for me to concentrate and take notes. I know though that I am a good notetaker and if I take the time I should do well in my classes. I am just too tired and stressed right now. I wish I could be at home where no one would come in to bug me or try to use my things and my computer. I am so frustrated with my roommates using my computer. It is new and I am worried they will mess something up. If I make it through till next Tuesday I will be ok. This weekend will be fun though so I just need to relax for once and enjoy it. I miss my family when I get stressed out like this. I keep telling myself"If I can only make it till December. " It is not that I dislike UT. I like my schedule and my professors, but it is just so different. I know this will be one of my hardest semesters, so with God's help, I will make it through just fine. I just need to relax and enjoy it. I am so determined to make a very good GPA this semseter that I hope I am not dissapointed. The scholarship requirements are good because it gives me a reason to work for them. Actually, I think it scares me more than it helps. I want to make good grades for myself. The scholarship makes me afraid of failure. I am such aperfectionist that I hate failure. I am determined to make a good GPA within my 15 hours. I want to prove everyone wrong who tells me I should have taken 12. If I took 12 I would be in summer school forever. I know I can handle it because I did so much in high school that I am prepared forit. I also don't care if people make fun of me for studying too much. It will payoff when they do bad this semester. I think I just need a break. I am caught up in my reading, but I need a week without 10 different activities for me to do. I just have to have confidence in myself that I can do it and things will get easier as the semester goes on. I felt so good though last night when I got 2 dates. Maybe I will meet some great guy while up here. I was beginning to have my doubts. I am excited about football season beginning. It should be fun to see all the college games. I love college football. I hope we do well this year. I feel like I am running out of things to babble about. Or that all I have done it repeat myself over and over. I guess it doesn't matter as long as I write what I am feeling. All I hope is that I get everything finished early so that I can go to sleep early tonight. I think I will be able to do that. Well, maybe tomarrow will be a better day. I can't wait till there is nothing going on that I have to go out for. I am sure next week will be better.

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I’m feeling a little stress coming on now, because I’m think about everything I have to do, but have yet to start it. sometimes I can't resist going out with friends and that is really bad, because then I don't have time to study. I don't know what else I’m feeling right now. I’m just sitting in front of a computer in the pcl and typing along. even though the paper doesn't not need correct spelling and stuff, I still go back and correct it(I guess cause it's a habit). right now I’m observing people as they walk by. I really enjoy this assignment, because it helps me to put all my thoughts and feelings on paper, instead of holding them in ( as what I normally do) I generally don't like to tell people my feelings inside, I guess cause I’m very paranoid and I don't trust others with my personal secrets, even if they were really close friends of mine. I can't wait until later(6:00p. m. when I go practice my throwing of footballs. I’m really excited about intramural football. most of the people on my team are really nice. I’m just a little scared about the real games b/c I’m afraid that the guys on the other coed I’m teams will run into me and hurt me. I was really sore this morning, after I woke up b/c of football practice yesterday morning. football practice was pretty fun. I enjoy going through all the drills and practices. at first I wasn't too sure about playing I’m football, but when one of my friends asked me to join her team I was like sure. our team makeup is kinda funny. we have all upperclassmen guys and mainly freshman girls. I just thought that was kinda interesting. well, I’m looking at the clock and it seems like I have five more minutes of writing time. right after I do this assignment, I’m going to go study on the fourth floor. I really don't want to be left behind in my classes. I already am and that's not a good way to start off my college years. in high school I studied constantly and now I rarely get to study b/c there is so much stuff going on and I usually give in to my friends when they want to go do something. I think time really does fly by. before I know it, it's time to go to sleep again I wish I had nothing to worry about. I always wondered what my life would be like if I was rich. it would be much more relaxing I think. well, it's already been twenty minutes and I would write longer, but I really have got to go studying. I can't wait until I get to write paper 2, because I have a lot to say about my college experience so far.

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I used to day dream about this time when I was younger. After I saw my brother and sister leave for college, I decided that was going to be the best part of my life. Of course, it is a lot different now that I am here. There is a lot more responsibility in reality than there is in my dreams. I don't really mind it so far. I want to be able to handle it, and I am excited about my classes. I wish that I could be an expert in every subject that I take. Psychology is very interesting to me, but not enough to be my major--I wouldn't want to do it for the rest of my life. My brother has a bachelors degree in psychology from Southwest texas, but he hasn't done much with it. I am taking this class as a social science elective; my other classes are required for my major. Right now I am an undeclared major, but after a few classes in my geology of engineering course, I am pretty sure that I want to major in geosystems engineering. It seems to incorporate a large amount of subject material that I am interested in, and it would be a job that pays pretty well. If I did well enough at UT to get into grad school, I would love to follow it up with a masters or Phd in Geology. Of all the courses I have taken in high school and college, these seem to be the best ones. Some of my favorite subjects are: geology, geography, astronomy, archaeology, and history. I would love to be an astronomer in a second if it paid well enough. My reason for this is that eventually I would like to have a large spread of land in the hill country somewhere west of Austin--near a lake--with a boat. This requires $$. I love the outdoors, and I want to live away from the city, yet close enough to it that I could drive into town to do things. This is probably a common ambition among people, but I don't really care. Enough rambling about all that. My reason for being here at UT is to learn, and to get an education, and to do well. If I do all of this I will be very pleased. It will be hard though. I love to have fun, and that can easily get in the way at UT. I haven't joined a fraternity or gone out for rush yet, even though some of my friends who are in frats here keep bugging me. I want to join some organization that has fun and kicks ass at a lot of things. Hopefully that will work out. These are the things that are on my mind at the moment; at least until I move on to the next thing.

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I'm very tired right now. I know that I have not been getting the amount of sleep that I need. Is this how college is all the time? Over this past weekend, I realized that I am beginning to get very homesick. I really miss my family, friends, and my dog. I started crying when I was on the phone with my brother earlier today. School is getting stressful, especially with band. I got a letter today saying I needed to work more on my routines. I don't know what to do. I've already put off so much, and gotten behind because of band. I practice and try to keep up with my studies. I think I really need to focus myself a little more. Sometimes I think it is the new freedom that is causing this. I know what I need to do, I just need to get motivated to do them. I also need to learn how to not procrastinate. I've been thinking a lot about Andrew lately, and about the church. I'm still so indecisive about what to do. Sometimes I think that I believe and sometimes I think that I'm really not sure. Now I'm thinking about death. I don't think there is anything I fear more than that, and what's sad is I know that everyone must pass through it. It terrifies me. I would never take my own life. I'm too scared of what's after, and I love my life to much. Even with all of the stress I still find things interesting. I am still proud of the things I have achieved. I have very high goals for myself and I am so excited about the future. There are so many things to look forward too. Why do people get depressed? I've never been one to be truly unhappy. Even when there are times I said I was depressed" I never really was. It makes me sad to think that people can get so down about themselves. I was talking to Chris yesterday, and reading his online journal thing. It made me want to cry. I don't see how he thinks he will never find the right person, or be successful in life. He is such a wonderful person, and has so many things going for him. Why don't people see that? Why can't they see that even with all of the bad in the world there is still good? You know that makes me think. I am so obsessed with my life and what I do and the people I know. I think that everyone is just as worried about their life and their friends and family as I am. We all live in our own world, in our own bubble, our own space. I think that this assignment is pretty cool. I actually do this quite often. Just start writing things down. Oh man! I just thought of what I was writing last week, about the first football game. I don't think I could ever described the rush when I marched through that tunnel. It was so crazy with over 80,000 people there in one place. watching the band march in. I had the room to myself this weekend. My roommate went out of town. It was nice. I love being with people and being with my friends, but I also really enjoy my quite time and my personal time. My roommate is really nice. I feel I've been blessed because we get along so well. I haven't met as many people as I thought I was going to meet up here. well. I guess I have met people, but I haven't made as many friends as I thought. Friendships just take time though. I really wish Michelle was here. I miss her. I was so glad we worked everything out before we went our separate ways. She is always been such a great friend. I respect her so much. I don't know what I would do with myself if it had been my mom. That is another one of my big fears. losing a loved one. When Michelle's mom died so suddenly a couple of years ago we were all so shocked. I don't think there was one of us that didn't give our own Mom's huge hugs the day we found out. I was so upset, and Michelle had me call everyone and tell them. That was so hard. So many people thought it was a cruel joke. Why do people do that? Go into denial. I guess I would have if somebody had called me and told me that. That was two years ago. Time flies so fast. It doesn't even seem like two years. Only like yesterday. Sometimes I wish we could just freeze time. During those special moments or the happiest time. just make time stop. even if it just added and extra minute, I think it would be nice. Oh look, my time is almost up.

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12

In the eighteen years of my life I've realized that man is either born without a conscience or with one. I was born with one. In my heart I bleed at the injustices of the world, of the rights taken from humans because they had not the power. What is more distressing comes not from the fact that the injustice is so evident but because of the powerlessness of the victim. I believe that education can free a man. An educated society becomes more aware. It can offer self-esteem, knowledge, influence, and the voice to speak out. It has become my belief that I or anyone else who is willing can make a difference. The conscience in me longs to make a difference. To scream at the top of my lungs, "This is wrong! You are wrong! Give back his rights! Give back what does not belong to you!" but I know in the bottom of my heart that humans, no matter how hard they may try will never rid the earth of its total harshness, because some men were born with feeling and some without. This gives no excuse for not trying to make a change for the better because with every change, an initiation must begin. Though my eyes see the sorrow of the world, I am a person who strives to look for the positive in people. My first encounter with an individual has me searching and finding his good qualities. More likely I am opt to say something good about a person rather than bad. Within me I feel no intimidation toward others strengths and I take pleasure in finding and praising someone else's gifts. Determination is the driving force of my soul. Being perceptive of other's nature has allowed me to see that it takes more than intelligence to reach a goal. I know only if I want it can be done and within my veins is a spirit that keeps me aiming to reach the top. It seems forever that I have expected highly of myself. With every aspect of my life I feel a certain pull to be the best I can be. Rarely do I accept being less. My love of knowledge and natural curiosity arrives from my need to grasp my world to better understand it. I cannot accept just reading new knowledge. It is utterly important for me to comprehend it as well. This allows me to know the unknown, to conquer all the earth's secrets for I do not like being put in the dark. I must see all things with my eyes, my heart, and my brain. This gives me confidence and strength. Hopefully, I will conquer all my fears, build my character, and use it to make a difference in the world.

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It's amazing how much free time you have in college. A totally different experience from when I was in my grade school years. Grade school, seems like I was in the 5th grade. It's hard to believe that my high school years were actually my grade school years as well and now I'm in a place of 60,000 people where you're lucky if 50 people know who you are. But with all this free time, it's hard to fill it with stuff to do all the time. Naps are a great way of filling up lots of hours, but you can only sleep so much. I remember laying in bed last night and having a feeling of homesickness even though I only live 20 minutes away and can go home with the push of seven digits. I feel bad for the people who are from small towns a million miles away. Not only are they far from home, but being thrown into the fire that is UT and surviving is a difficult task for anyone, let alone coming from towns 1/30 the size of UT. But I've been enjoying my college experience so far. Being able to sleep late, wake up late, take 3 hour naps, all of it. Not having to sit in a classroom for an hour and half every other day is a major plus as well. Come to think of it, I have no idea how I sat through those days and actually was focused for its entirety. The Xbox is calling my name as I write, taunting me with glimpses of football and shooting. It's amazing how people think that video games are responsible for their child being violent and whatnot. Parents are blaming a series of circuits and programs as the reason their kid is messed up? If people were being better parents, these kids would have better things to do than rot their brains in front of a TV screen. In today's world of money money and more money, it's hard to find time to put aside what is quite important in the world and spending time with the people that matter most. Not that TV's bad. Heck, I watch way too much of it myself, but my parents also ingrained in me the difference between right and wrong and I was lucky enough to be born right before the start of the technological age, so I get the best of what the world has to offered right now but had my values and beliefs ingrained in me before this ever-growingly corrupt world took over. Growingly, is that a word? It's hard to write for twenty minutes straight without going off on a tangent and starting to focus on other things, like the Schlotsky's cup sitting in front of my desk that's been sitting there for a few days and is probably starting to be a safe haven for mold. Speaking of which, there is also a box of fajita toppings that have been sitting in our refrigerator since school started, and yet even though I remember, I still don't get off my butt and throw it out. I keep telling myself that I'll do it when I actually take out the trash but heck, we only take the trash out like, once a week. I remember doing a stream of consciousness writing as one of my creative works in high school for a book we read because I thought that stream of consciousness writings would be really simple. Heck, you just write whatever comes to your head. Not too hard right? But man, I think I've grown up in a very rigidly structured school system and always have to plan stuff out before I actually start writing. So I found myself doing more thinking than writing, trying to find the right words and grammar usages so that my "paper" wouldn't sound like a first grader wrote it. But sometimes that's what a stream of consciousness writing has to be. It doesn't matter if you use fifty letter words or "big," because these writings aren't about the content, they're about collecting your thoughts and putting them down no matter how random they be. I found it funny how when you gave out this assignment and asked if there were any questions, 20 hands shot up in the air. Questions arose like, how many paragraphs? How many words? What's the structure? We grow up in a world of rules, where everything is set out before us and we either follow or be considered a problem child. We spend more time defining the box rather than thinking outside it. Heck, we rarely even spend time thinking inside of it. My dad's friend is starting this school in which they let kids pretty much do whatever they want. They provide guidance but not rules, set boundaries but don't fence the kids in. Their objective is to let the kid develop his or her own self-discipline, not letting some adult develop it for him or her so that when they get out into the real world, they don't curl up into a little ball and hide or rebel and go crazy and not know what they're doing. While I think it's a pretty cool idea, others reject the fact that a school like this exists because people are ingrained with rules, their lives governed by the boundaries of the box. So hopefully, someday, people will be able to think for themselves, that we won't become robots that only exist because God told us we could exist at the time that we do exist.

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12

I have never considered myself a good student. I never studied in high school, and did not expect anything to change once I got to college. Now I find myself in my dorm doing my homework in advance. I wonder to myself, why? I am not the type of person to do things in advance, but now I am. I think the overwhelming challenge of college has presented itself to me. I used to be the person that would drop anything to go party, but now I'm in Austin, were there are many parties, but I am in my room typing a paper that isn't due until Friday, and it's only Sunday. I think that college has changed my way of thinking and acting, and I want to know why? I find myself wanting to learn, instead of having to learn. The thought that all of this studying will make me a smarter person, instead of just help me pass the test is actually a refreshing one. I still wonder to myself, why is this change happening now? Is it the transition from high school to college what is driving me to be a smarter person? I think that the challenge of studying and making good grades is actually helping me to become a better person. Or am I becoming a better person? Because of so much studying, and the quest for knowledge, I have less time for the people that I love. So is this good for me, or bad for me? Why do I study better when I am back home in Temple, TX? Is it because there are less distractions? In one hand there is Austin, where there is so many distractions, like Sixth Street and parties. In the other hand there is Temple, where all my friends are and all of the hometown parties. I have no idea why I study better when I am at home. I hope these are questions that I can answer after taking this course. I have never wanted any thing as bad as I want a 4. 0 this semester and I don't know why. This is good for me, but why the sudden change. For some weird reason I can not quit asking the question, why do I want to study so much? The key word is want. I do not feel that I have to study, but instead I feel that I want to study. This is such a leap from where I was only a few months ago. Have I done myself harm by changing so rapidly? Will this wear off after I get accustomed to being in college? I hope that it does not, because I like the fact that I want to study and do well in school. Why did I not find this way of thinking in high school? If I had would it have made a difference? I am not sure what made me such a different person in high school, but I would love to know, what was the catalyst behind this tremendous change in my attitude. Is there anyway that I could have caused this change if I had wanted to? I do not think so. The jump from high school to college is what has caused me to be a better student. Why do we as humans look back at things that we have done in the past and wish we could change them? After all it was us that did them. How can we now look back at a situation and make a different decision? I tend to look back and wish to change things, but then I think to myself, that I was the one that made the decision in the first place. I don't know what causes me to look back so often, but I think that I reflect more often then others. Is it because I was happier at the time that I am reflecting? I feel the same know as I always have, but I am a more serious person. I am a happy and easygoing person, by nature, but when I am going to school, I feel more uptight than usual now. I used to look at school as a time to hang out with friends and goof off, but know there is none of that, I am only here for one reason, to do a good job. Hopefully this will carry over to when I get a job and am supporting a family. I think that this attitude will help me to be a very hard worker. I find it relieving to write as I just have for 20 minutes. Actually I went over the time because it was so interesting that I was thinking in this way. I did not know that I had so many questions about myself, until I sat down and wrote about them. I found it easy to ask myself questions without giving answers. Maybe after taking the Psychology class I will be able to answer some of my own questions.

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17

Right now I am sitting here typing, with the tv on in the background and I am feeling very tired. I think this is because I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. Why didn't I get enough sleep, you ask. Well I don't know. I usually go to bed sometime before eleven, or sometime right before twelve and sometimes after twelve. I guess you could say between 11 and 12, right? Yeah. And I start my day somewhere around 7:30. That is NOT NEARLY enough sleep. But what's funny is this is the only time of day when I feel really lethargic: around 5 or six o clock. Maybe it is biological. Maybe we all feel tired at certain points according to our bodies. I think there should be a law that we all have to take siestas in the afternoon like they do in Mexico. That seems glorious. Not to mention it's good for you! You are more refreshed and able to handle tasks more efficiently and with more energy. Even as I type I can feel myself drifting off. Do not fall asleep. Do not fall asleep. Oh great. I pressed a wrong key and now the time started over. I had two minutes of typing under my belt. That's beautiful, just beautiful!!! I think I will just sit here and make up for that time. Doop de doop. Doop de dooooop. . . . . . Well, I'm very glad it's Friday tomorrow. Not that it makes much of a difference, but still. I can sleep in on the weekend, that's a big deal to me. I'm not sure what I'll do with the weekend. Probably catch up on reading for classes. I'm really concerned about that. I've been slacking off a bit and that's just awful, classes have only been in session for what, just two weeks or something. Yuck. I'm such a procrastinator. Well, I don't know what else to talk about. This is boring and I'm getting bored just doing this because I'd rather be napping. Not to mention the clock says only 3 minutes and I KNOW the true time should be somewhere around five!!!! Here, this is entertainment. I will type out a poem completely from memory. Ladies and gentlemen, The Road Less Traveled by Robert Frost: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth then took the other as just as fair and having perhaps the better claim because it was grassy and wanted wear though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same and both that morning equally lay in leaves no step had trodden black oh I saved the first for another day yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubt if I shall ever come back I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference. What a beauty of a poem, no? I've always liked it. Don't remember why I had to memorize it. probably for a class way back in middle school. Some people have told me they don't understand the last line. I just feel secret annoyance towards them. What's there not to understand?! It's clear as a bell, people! I like Robert Frost. Here's another one I know called Fire and Ice: Some say the world will end in fire Some say in ice From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire but if it had to perish twice I think I know enough of hate to say that ice is also great and would suffice I also like Stopping by Woods On a Snowy Evening, the one that ends "And miles to go before I sleep. " Yep. Also that poem called Nothing Gold Can Stay. Why do I know so much about Robert Frost you ask?! Heck you got me. I don't even know. I just think his poems are nice. What other poets do I like. That's a good question. I have no idea. Well, that's probably not true, but I can't think of any at the moment. In Decathlon in school we studied lots of poems, by Langston Hughes and Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost (a really bad one, though) and George Meredith and lots of other peeps. Some of them were cool, some were most definitely not. I think I will write a poem of my own, right here, right now. I call it "The Cat Came Home". The Cat came home and he thought he was there to stay but what he didn't know was that the owners had moved away They left the lights on They left dishes in the sink The Cat came home and in a swift minute didn't know what to think Should I stay or should I go The Cat asked himself that day What should I do about this What should I say? Well The Cat found no answers just an empty litter box So he said, Eh who cares and tore up all the socks Maybe I should get that one published! Well my time is almost up thank goodness, so I should think of an appropriate end to this free writing assignment, a summation if you will. This was mainly about poems and poets and the unsolved mystery of why I don't get enough sleep. Yep, that's all. Nothing too exciting. And what do you expect. There is absolutely nothing worthwhile on TV at this moment.

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28

m exdcited. All classes seem interesting. I'm way on top of the medical school admission process and I keep thinking about it. I am so ready for school. summer school was fun this summer, but for some reason I just enjoy havin the challenge of shool on my hands. It makes me feel successful. That's important to me. I have to make sure to stop and smell the roses also, though. I can be kind of bad about forgetting to do that. But then again succeeding in school is one way I smell the roses. Everything here is so exciting. There are so many girls and I really dig that. I have never seen so many girls in my life. But even with the massive amounts of women that are here, my love woes are the same. I'm just too damn picky. Yeah, yeah I know that's supposed to be good and stuff but it gets old. It seems like no girl ever meets the qualifications. It's like the really pretty girls that I am attracted to are stupid as hell. And the ugly girls or mediocre girls I know have the most wonderful personality in the world. What's up with that? So goes college life. Despite the lack of girls with any character and looks, its still a thrilling experience. I feel sorry for women. I mean they are totally forsaken in almost all aspects of life. They are judged so much more on how they look, and what bugs me about that is I totally participate in all of the judging. So goes manhood. I like to think of myself as much different than other guys. Someone who is more compassionate and has thought things through, but even I revert to complete childish mentalities sometimes. It can be fun though. girls, though, I remember a few weeks ago before a Taekwon-Do testing, in which I was to help judge (I used to be a taekwon-do instructor), one of my good friends who started taekwon-do with me was also invited. her name is Joanne Walker. The head "male" judges decided that she should watch over the receptionists desk while testing commensed. That was such bullshit. She outrankedhalf of the judges, but just because she wasn't more "assertive" as they put it, she got looked ofver as usual. This fucking pissed me off. I mean, for the first time I realized that this wasn't the first time this has happened to her. Whenever I won a tournament, it was my name mentioned, whenever there was an award tobe given, it was to be, never to her. I know that the instructors didn't do it on purpose, it just never occurred to them to give credit to the lady. And then it hit me, "wow, girls totally get looked over, more than guys. " Enough about that. I am bored. I want to go play with all of the other college kids in the other room, but no I am disciplined, rooooaaaaarrrr. Anyway, man I hope the Astros go to the series this year, I know that they can beat the braves (maybe). hehe Oh, I saw this thing on Latrell Spreewell today, that professional basketball player who hit his coach. What a fucking idiot. Man, he was sitting on TV talking about how he was suine the NBA for lost wages. Poor millionare. Something about Mary was very funny, and oh my god, was Saving Private Ryan awsome or what? I mean that movie freaking changed my life. And Good Will hunting was good too. I liked it partly because it was in Boston, and I would love to go medical school at Harvard. I think I have a good shot at getting in if I do well this year and kick ass on the MCAT, don't worry I will prepare well. Football, this next Saturday, oh yeah! I can't wait to enjoy the game witht eh buddies and a few budweisers. That budweiser commercial is hilarious, with the lizards. That is a genious whoever came up with that campaign. There are too many stupid-ass commercial advertisers out there. There should be a law against commercials that suck. Like we could havwe a commercial selection committee that could pass a commercial on a 2/3 vote on regular commercials and by a simple majority with Little Caesar commercials. Oh remember that Deep thoughts, by Jack Handy that used to play on Saturday night live? It was hilarious and this stream of consciousness essay reminds me of that. He would say stuff like, I wonder what the world would be like if dogs ruled the earth. I bet doverman pinchers would control most of the countries, but that would be sad because I'm sure there are some Chiuahauas with some pretty good ideas! hehehehehe, I freaking hate that I don't know how to spell Chiuhua. ahhhhhhhhh!

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30

Alright, well right now I have no idea what to write. I don't know what my professor is expecting this to say and I do not know what all of the other students are writing about. I don't really want to get too personal just in case I get to be the lucky one who's homework is spotchecked. I am worrying that school is not being focused on as much as it should be. I sometimes think that I am going to be able to get by as easily as I did in high school when at the same time I know that that is not the case at all. I know that I am going to have to study so much more than I ever have and it freaks me out. Especially since I am not so sure that I know exactly how to study. I don't want to go into an exam thinking that I know all the information and then have no clue what the test is saying to me. I want to do so well this semester and in a way I have to if I want to transfer into the school of communications next semester. And the fact that I heard the other day that Professor Pennebaker is the hardest psychology teacher here did not help much. I didn't think he seemed that hard but apparently he is. And I also am freaking out about the whole sorority thing. I am having so much fun with it but it is taking up a lot of my time and so are all of the parties that go with it. I have to decide whether or not I want to go home on Saturday for the night. I want to see my parents and my friends but I don't know if it is worth it. And also I don't want to get really sad when I am there. I am worried that I am not going to really want to come back. That is not saying that I am not having such a fun time here but I think that me not wanting to come back after a night at home is a possibility. I am having so much fun here but it is a lot of stuff to deal with sometimes. And it is like I am never capable of being alone. And when I am alone, its when I don't really want to be alone. There are always things going on and people around when I just want to relax and sit down. But that is never possible. And there is so much to do all the time that studying is so hard to fit into my schedule. But I do have to admit that I am studying because I know I am more than some of my friends. Friends is another thing that kind of scares me. I hope that my best friends from home and I don't lose touch just because there are so many new faces here and everyone is wanting to meet new people. I just kind of wish that I knew who my group of friends is going to be so that I can start hanging out with them and making memories that are going to count. Okay, well I hope that this is what you expected from my 20 minutes of writing because I had no idea what else to write. Now maybe you can look at the way my brain works and help me deal with my problems.

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I miss the way my life used to be a little bit. Everyone else seems to be having a so much fun which is cool and really I'm not having a bad time at all, it's just I feel like I'm missing something in my life up here. I don't have all the close friends around me that I used to which is bothering me in a way. Things will be get better I know it, cuz this is the way I feel at the beginning of my life after a big change happens. I'm kinda irritated at Marissa I guess because she just has it easy with the new people she's met. She always meets boys cus she's so pretty and silly. She's a perfect little blonde. I love her really and I have a good time with her I'm just tired of feeling like she's luckier. I think I like John which is really annoying but it's not my fault he wrote that dumb e-mail. I feel somewhat satisfied that he realized he does like me but can't have me cus I have someone else in my life. This computer is annoying. I hate computers that aren't like the one I have at home and that I know. I miss being able to chat on-line to Amy and steph and everyone else. I wish I could go to Canada just for the hell of it. I'm probably not the girl he would be looking for. he seems like the buff good looking ty0pe that everyone knows. oh well. My stomach keeps making these nasty noises whish gets embarrassing in class. I'm worried about school work. I know that I just need to keep on top of things and I'll be less stressed out and stuff. I just n4ed to get up tomorrow , go to class, then come back and do my Latin and then some math or something . Then do my bio after Latin and go to the discussion. I'll go run those errands and make those phone calls. maybe marissa will do them with me so we can hang. if not I'll call christina or someone. I want to get involved with the Wesly group so I can feel I have somewhere else to belong. I'm getting down, I can tell. I don't know why I can't get pepped again. I guess I shouldn't have gone home this weeke4nd. it made me homesick when I got back. maybe I just need to call someone or talk to a friend. john later or maybe Liz. Brady would be ok too. poor Brady likes me and I feel confused about him. I need to write to shawna or maybe call her too. what a phone bill. I need that cellular if I want to call Liz lots. I hate typing cus I look at the keys a lot. my fingernail looks nasty. I remember that day still and how calm and quiet it was. I miss a lot of stuff. I need to stop being this way, get some sleep and then get up and go about my day. this weekend will be cool at the football game. I just need to be friendly and meet people and stuff. one more minute I guess till I can stop. well, I bet I can stop now.

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27

I am feeling rather comfortable right now, much more comfortable than in the previous days. I don't know if I made the right decisin in coming here, I guess that's because people keep on asking me where I an from and when I say Hawaii they all ask me why I transfered and why I came here, as if Hawaii is so amazing and this place sucks. I guess Hawaii is pretty amazing in some ways. But it's not like my life was particularly great or exciting there. Added to that I don't like knowing everyone, well I like knowing people but I don't like it when you have no aninimity. I also am thinking a lot about girls, girls and sex, sex and girls, I guess that goes without saying. I feel like I have to step up my game and almost go out "hunting" for them, but thats kind of weird to have that kind of attitude. It's not terrible romantic, but I'm getting pretty desperate. There are some hot hot girls here. I don't know what's my problem, It's probably because I live in Simkins which is on the other end of the earth. That's probably also just an excuse, because no matter where you are you still have to put some effort forward to meet women. Although it is a lot easier when your living with them. It's not so bad I've meet some women here, but the one that I am more serious with, I don't find myself attracted to at all. She's got a great personality, and she's female, which is a definite plus, but I really can't see myself commiting to her or having anything really serious. It's probably a partial ego problem,because of her relative homeliness. But I really do like to be surrounded by beauty, yeah right why did you move away from Hawaii. No I really like to beautiful things and have a real eye for asthetics. I need to be with a really attractive woman, fat chance of that happening with this face, and this nose, and no hair cut, and this voice and this low self-esteem. But I really want to go out with Nicole, she is a goddess on earth, she is so sweet and gentle and gorgeous. I can't belive it, and I act like such a dork around her but she doesn't seem to mind, and that's what I loooooovvvvveeeee about her she is so hot, I must do eveything in my power to win her I must put the wheels in motion before she gets snatched up, because I know that if I don't act soon and I mean like in the next five minutes, some other guy with more guts and better looks is going to see what I see and I cannnot let that happen not this time, I've let that happen too many times in the past I've let every girl that I've ever had feelings for get away. And Nicole may be the one, she's in the fricking Pharmacy school she could take care of me the looser that I am, but if I were with her I would not let that happen. I would do everything for her, I would work night and day and fight my way to the top to provide for her. I have my mission, I must develop my plan, and somewhere in between I must get some studying done. Straight A's and Nicole that will be the story of my life for this year.

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30

I woke up this morning and my words from last night at 1am, "Can I have a 6 piece chicken tender and small fries to go" echoed in my ears. I felt guilty. Within five minutes of ordering I had scarfed down the whole thing. Although my body wasn't hungry, I was thinking about food and I started to have major cravings for something filling. I sent myself on a mission to quench my thoughts, not my stomach. Is it normal to eat when you think about food and your body isn't hungry? Does thinking about food imply that you really are hungry even though your stomach isn't growling? This also brings up the issue of will power. I usually have strong will power, but with food it is another story. My body feels weighted down by guilt today. I went to Tops the other day to look at pictures and I looked fat in all the pictures I saw of myself. I'm sure every freshman promises themselves that they won't gain the dreaded "freshman fifteen. " I refuse to believe that it is an inevitable event in my life right now. I know how to avoid gaining the weight; exercise, eat healthy food, and above all, don't have late night snacks. My will power crumbles late at night when I see food or if my belly doesn't have that full feeling. Getting out of bed I could feel the unused calories building up in my body. I didn't eat breakfast and went to the gym where I worked out for almost two hours today in hopes of burning off last night's calorie fest and hopefully today's too. When I returned to my room I was in a bad mood, felt very lonely and as I told my mom, "I'm not feeling like myself. " I was depressed. I only felt good about myself today when I was exercising. I wanted to go eat lunch, but I felt guilty about even thinking about eating. I love to eat. It brings me satisfaction, comfort, and pleasure. However, my body image tampers with my enjoyment. I am not over weight but I feel like it. As strong, smart, and confident as I am about myself and who I am, I have been sucked into the belief that I ought to be skinny. It is amazing how easily my mood depends on my eating habits.

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9

I am thinking about the fact that since I have gone to college I have absolutely no free time. I am so extremely tired, and I know that I can't go to sleep because I have so much homework to do. It is 12:40 in the morning and I just got home, from things that I had to do today. I am scared that everyone is mad that they never get to see me. My girlfriend probably thinks that I am trying to avoid her, but really I have no free time at all. The whole fraternity thing is fun, but I never have any time to do anything. I have met so many awesome people, and I am excited that I have only been here for 3 weeks and I have met people that I will be friends with for the rest of my life. My school work is also quite time consuming. What I do know is that I hope that I make my grades this semester. Tonight was a rough night, I think that I have done more work than I ever have in my whole life. My dorm room seems secondary to other places that I have to be during the day. The only time I am ever here, is when I am sleeping. My life has changed drastically, but I know it will all turn out great. I am sad for some of my friends from high school. Most of my best friends came to school down here, and the ones who did not seem scared. I still talk to my best friend, who I dated last year. Her birthday is this weekend, and she is not even going to spend it with her best friends. If I could be there for her I would, but I am extremely busy this weekend. I bought tickets to the Dave Matthews concert in Dallas this weekend, but I am not going to be able to go. My whole plan was to surprise my best friend with tickets, and myself in Dallas but of course it fell through. There are so many things that I want to do, but I feel swamped. I wonder what it is like for my parents, they are empty nesters this year for the first time in 30 years. 30 years they have had a child in the house, and suddenly nobody. I did not receive a good wrist band for the Texas OU draw, and I couldn't get tickets to the game. That makes me mad that I sat in line for three hours to get tickets, but I received none. Well I guess that is just another one of life's great blunders, standing in line.

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29

I am so happy to be home right now. College life is fun and all, but I miss the comforts of home. At the dorm, there is always something "extremely important" to do at every moment. Someone is always dropping by and visiting or calling on the phone. I have sorority events to go to or a date, or something. I am getting so overwhelmed by it all. I suddenly have so many responsibilities. Like making sure I wake up for class on time, washing my dishes, making sure I eat enough meals, try to fit in studying every once in a while, follow all of my sorority rules at all times. And my current boy situation is so overwhelming. Suddenly, no that I am single, there seem to be an overabundance of guys. They are everywhere and are always giving out their phone numbers. It is so weird to not have a boyfriend since Brandon and I were together for 14 months. To make that situation worse, he is still so present in my life. Our break up was just one of the many major changes in my life with the beginning f college. I know that lots of girls feel the need to "find themselves" once in college, and it seemed so bizarre to me before I actually was in their shoes. I mean, don't you know who you are? I thought that I did, but now that everything is so different, I feel very lost and confused about who I am and what types of values/morals I have. Up to this point, every decision I made was affected to some degree by my parents. For example, my 1 a. m. curfew had an extreme affect onm where I went at night, how much sleep I got each night. Also, there were rules on who I went out with, because my parents had to meet them beforehand. Now, I can come and go as I please with no questions asked. I'm not so sure that is a good thing. I mean, just because I am 18, that does not mean I suddenly competent to run my entire life. I miss being able to come home everyday and tell my mom all of my daily triumphs and failures. Although, I think that mom and I talk more now than when I lived at home (not that home is far away, only twenty minutes. We talk almost five times a day. But it is different than having here tuck me in each night and hug me when I am down. What is also so diffucult now is that when I need someone to talk to, all of closest friends are thousands of miles away at their own universities. So, I am left with trying to reveal my emotions to practical strangers that I have formed some sort of bond with. Friendships are difficult and delicat things. I know that everyone is looking for a friend right now, especcially me, and yet true friendships don't just form overnight. They take months to form a feeling of trust and compassion between two people. You cannot just jump in and say "Oh we are best friends now. " That is why soroity life is so strange now. I have been thrown into this new "family" in which we are all supposed to be friends, and yet I don't even know most of their names. I guess that over time, we will get close, but right now, it is akward. However, I am thankful to have somewhere to go when I get lonely. Which is quiet often now that all of friends are gone.

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17

I really don't know what to write about. It is funny when you try to think about what you are thinking about and you can't seem to find anything in your head. My friend is talking to his girlfriend. Typing is a lot harder than I remember. September 11th is coming up and I hear patriotic music in the background. My drive back to Austin today was very hard. It rained the whole way down here so instead of the usual three hour drive it turned into nearly four hours. My band practiced very well this weekend. We put in about four hours of practice. Our show this weekend was cancelled so instead we decided to practice. We did a little recording in my guitar player's garage. I stayed up very late yesterday just talking to some friends online. I had a huge burrito from Chipolte. I had never been there before so it was a surprise to see a burrito that big; however, I didn't really enjoy it because they put onions and peppers in it. I suppose it was my fault, because I told them what to put in it. I said I wanted fajita chicken and then started putting peppers and onions in the burrito. I thought the fajita part was the way the cooked the chicken. It turns out it was just the stuff they put in with the chicken. I didn't eat much of it, but I will still give the place a second chance. Now I know not to order that kind of burrito. My parents took my girlfriend and her friend out to dinner on friday night. We went to chili's off of F. M. 3040. After that we went to my girlfriend's house and just played the piano. We played for about two hours. I figured out how to play two new songs. One was a spanish song and the other was carol of the bells. We had no music, we were just going by ear. My girlfriend's friend was getting very annoyed because she did not want to play the piano. Instead she played cards with my girlfriend's family. Studying for college has not been going the way I would like it. I told myself I would stay caught up with all of my classes, but I seem to have fallen behind already with all of them. I just need to concentrate and read like a mad man. Dave Matthews keeps running through my ears and I can't get the lyrics from entering. How can I turn away. Brother sister go dancing. I went to two of his concerts this year. They were a blast. There were so many fans yelling and screaming. The atmosphere was so pleasant. He played a few of my favorite songs and I nearly cried. The University of Oklahoma football game was very interesting. They almost lost. I was so excited with two minutes left in the game and Oklahoma trailing Alabama by three points. Unfortunately OU won. They also, unfortunately lost their quarterback with a torn ACL. Texas got off to a bad start although they managed to keep the Eagles from scoring. It looked like the UT offense was about to fall apart in the second half. Next week should be a thriller in North Carolina. ABC will be on nonstop in my dorm room. My mom is calling. She wanted to make sure I got home safely. I am glad to be here with most of friends although I do have friends that are not with me. My girlfriend for one is back in dallas and every chance I get I go back and see her. I wish she was here with me and then it wouldnt be so hard and I wouldn't waste as much gas. Twenty minutes has ended.