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bill-wurtz

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Gotta write something down Proceeds to write i think my hands are shrinking using a pencil

NARRATOR: Out there doin stuff like CHORUS: Feels great to be doin stuff

Shows the video title bill wurtz plans for the future. BILL WURTZ: I should go back to space. 15 minutes later is shown as a jingle plays. Filming Bill Wurtzs room, indicating Bill is not here and is probably in space.

I know, but I cant say

Raindrops are poisonous

NARRATOR: Quick question: Are you the real you?

Dont let the world be terrible

Im a person Tryna be a person Im a person Tryna to be a person

Happy birthday to a moose

Shows the video title laws of the universe, and the world If you have questions then ask them

Can I reach for the stars? No, I cant

Whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly Whoa-nelly,  whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly Whoa-nelly,  whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly Whoa-nelly, whoa-nelly Ive got to sing about my life I’ve  got to sing about my situation Ive  got to see what my mind can do Ive got to get to the bottom line I’ve  got to know about roller coasters Ive got to know about where they take your soul Ive got to know about romance How to grow old Fever  is what makes you sick Fever is what makes you sick Fever is what makes you sick So dont ask me why you cant be free To go your own way To go your own way To go your own way To go your own way Yeah Time is running out and so I cant explain what I mean in six simple minutes or less And so Ill have to take a chance And so Ill have to make a plan And I plan to dance

Shows the text q&a. NARRATOR: Do you do all your own music? CHORUS: Yes. NARRATOR: Do you do all your own music? CHORUS: Yes. NARRATOR: Where do you get your music? CHORUS: I make it myself. NARRATOR: Who does your music? CHORUS: George Clooney. Just kidding, I do it.

BILL WURTZ: Its time to make the thing, for Thursday. BILL WURTZ: I want it to be a really good thing. I want it to be a really crazy thing... Cant think of anything. BILL WURTZ: Come on. Searches pants bread on the Finder in OS X. BILL WURTZ: Free video ideas, yeah. BILL WURTZ: Okay. beans, yeah, whatever. this is the road, maybe Ill get out of here someday. bread, tape, im on my floor, done. BILL WURTZ: Okay, so we have hang me, writing a letter to you- CHORUS: Im writing a letter to you on my floor. BILL WURTZ: sometimes I stand in my room, sometimes I stand in my room, sometimes I ... whatever. Sometimes I whatever. BILL WURTZ: I cant think of anything. Presses the touchpad on the MacBook Pro to stop recording. CHORUS: Sometimes I whatever.

Dont make me write you a melody Dont make me write you a melody Dont make me write you a melody Dont make me write you a melody I said

Im ready to walk out the little door Im ready to walk out the little door Im ready to walk out the little door

out of videos rolls arcross the screen. Day 3 pops out with a ding. CHORUS: Guess Ill have to start being serious.

Its 2015 And I got to go crazy

Shows the video title advice to young musicians. BILL WURTZ: Dont play music. Shows the text i hope you take that advice.

Hope you have a good day Hope you have a good day Hope you have a good day Hope you have a good day

Shows the video title How to make sense. Lists the millions and millions of ways to make sense, including: - walk on 2 feet - use phones to communicate - sleep sometimes - use a bag to carry things - utilize a door - enjoy the latest appetizers from Chilis during an afternoon with friends - smoke e-cigs - buy more pets States that the list goes on and on. please encourage your friends to make sense by sharing some of the items in the-

Shows the title backwards hangman, with a pop up on the lower right corner telling the audience last weeks answer: yes, its a biscuit. Shows a complete hangman with the answer as cow. Tries the letters U, O, C, X, Z, Z, Z and Z respectively, the hangman starts to lose its body parts. Shows the LOSE text since all attempts are used.

Flashing text that says Things to do while waiting for an important business appointment. NARRATOR: Eat trees CHORUS: Eat trees! Shows the text paid for by the food & tree administration

Shows the text frequently asked questions NARRATOR: A question I get asked a lot is CHORUS: Do you like music? Shows the text processing... NARRATOR: Yea, seriously tho, do you like music? CHORUS: Yes I like music

NARRATOR: Physics lesson. Shows the equation for Newtons law of universal gravitation CHORUS: Dont fall down.

Two Pepes flashes on the screen.

Shows the video title summer vacation plans CHORUS: Go to Mars and stay there Lists out the weather on Mars, including: Bad Really boring Terrible Horrible Dont go

Were all gonna be fine Were all gonna be fine Were all gonna be fine Were all gonna be fine

You can smile You can hide You can fly Walk on by You can feel You can feel You can feel You can fly

Im having trouble figuring out what to write Im having trouble figuring out what to write Im having trouble figuring out what to write Im having trouble figuring out what to do I wanna be with you I wanna be with you I wanna be with you I wanna be with you I wanna be with you

Types ] on the bottom right of a blue screen.

Its 2014 And Im feelin good Its 2014 And Im feelin fine And I hope its okay to love And I hope its okay to love Its 2014 and its okay to have fun

I wish I could just do something I wish I could just do something I wish I could just do something But I cant do anything Take me home and bury me alive Take me home and bury me alive Take me home and bury me alive Take me home so I can be someone

CHORUS: How to be cool-ool-ool-ool-ool-ool? NARRATOR: Pay taxes.

smiling techniques is displayed on a white background with a smiling emoticon. NARRATOR: Step two is to CHORUS: buy great products!

Quit

Darling, confess your sins to a priest Or attempt to be civil when screaming, at least All you do is run and hide No ones gonna find out youre alive So a one, two three, four One, two three, four One, two three, four One, two, three, four, a One, two three, four One, two three, four One, two three, four One, two three, four If someone tells you they live in Greenland, they probably live in its capital city, Nuuk Theres a school, a bus, a mall, a church, and a very wavy building to do concerts Ill be up here on a pedestal holding my stick Im the founder Im the founder

Hibernate

Shows the series title music school. NARRATOR: Lesson 2. How to play the wrong notes. Proceeds to play the C3 and C#4 note on the synthesizer, followed by a C1 note. Tells the viewer ☑ thats correct.

Its all about the ladies Its all about the girls Its all about the ladies And its all about the girls

A parrot and a carrot is shown in front of a flashing background. Shows the text WERE SORRY, TODAYS GAME OF PARROT OR CARROT HAS BEEN CANCELLED DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES.

CHORUS: Music school! NARRATOR: Lesson One: Notes. Whats a note? NARRATOR: This. Plays the C key on the synthesizer. Congratulates the viewer on completing level one of music school.

Get ready for November

BILL WURTZ: Lizards are great.

I wanna go home right now I wanna go home real soon I wanna go home I wanna go I wanna go home I wanna go I wanna go home

Yeah This is my bedroom in , at Place Yeah, sunny day Well, I got three months to write a song, to write a song for you And Im gonna take my time and say exactly what I mean Damn, seems like writing songs is a lot like being in prison And I realize that the only one who put me there is me, yeah Got to break free, I need to break free But I only changed my mind again and then Im left behind Oh, I wish that I could make up my mind again this time But my brain is still in black and white Oh, I think I used this melody one thousand times before And the worst part is that Im not sure if Im the one who wrote it Probably stole it from some song my mommy used to sing me Maybe its just something off the radio or TV I got to break free, I need to break free Cause I cannot take the pain of being locked up this way One day youll find me in paradise, Ill be saying what I need to say One more time, alright Say anything you want, to do anything you need Say what you mean, do what you mean Oh, please, please, please Got to break free Ive so got to breathe, but I always lose my mind And then Im standing inline I cant remember the last time I truly said what was on my mind And I dont mean to waste your time I wish that I could truly break free some time But freedom is hard to find Freedoms hard to find Baby, Im trying Baby, I think Im dying

Shows the text todays topic of analysis: hats Shows the large words hats are bad with multiple colours.

Cloudy 53 degrees, 12 Celsius with 64 per cent humidity South-south-west winds are blowing 10 miles per hour And the pressures on the rise from 29.77 Overall, temperatures are about eight degrees below normal today That front is easing offshore, and it will be followed By a gradual clearing trend Thats because we have high pressure in the Mississippi Valley right now Were gonna bank on that to reach eastward and clear out our weather

Really strange, confusing, unbelievable, weird, funny things come in pairs

Hide the kids Hide the car Hide the money Hide your eyes

BILL WURTZ: Lizards are great.

Shows the video title how big is the earth? Enlarges and shrinks a cartoon Earth continuously. The Earth becomes medium-sized, with the narrator determining that id say its about a medium size. The narrator adds , or maybe a little big-. Then, the globe expands immediately and covers the screen. The text thanks for watching flashes on the screen.

Still got no videos What am I gonna do?

Shows the text q&a. CHORUS: How do you make your videos? NARRATOR: Using a computer. The camera moves around Bill Wurtzs MacBook Pro.

Shows the video title bad whale. A badly drawn sad face whale flies in, with the text the whale that makes everything bad. except everything already was bad, so the whale doesnt have to do anything.

Shows Mondays schedule, which is 1:00 be a better person 2:00 be a better person 3:00 be a better person 4:00 be a better person 5:00 be a better person 6:00 be a worse person 7:00 be a worse person 8:00 be a worse person 9:00 be a better person Shows Tuesday’s schedule, which is 1:00 be a better person 2:00 be a better person 3:00 be a better person 4:00 be a better person 5:00 be a better person 6:00 be a worse person 7:00 be a worse person 8:00 be a worse person 9:00 be a better person Shows Wednesdays schedule, which is 1:00 be a better person 2:00 be a better person 3:00 be a better person 4:00 be a better person 5:00 be a better person 6:00 be a worse person 7:00 be a worse person 8:00 be the same person 9:00 be a different person

CHORUS: How do you find love? NARRATOR: Look under chairs, I guess.

Types ]] on the bottom right of a blue screen.

Lists the videos Bill Wurtz have made, including: 1. the one about the plane 2. the documentary

Bears

CHORUS: And now, the crappiest video in the world. A piece of single-line paper floats down to the carpeted ground.

The text THE ORIGIN OF THE EARTH HAS BEEN FOUND!!! is displayed on a flashing screen. Asks the viewer DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS,, then answers its pineapples, shown with a picture of pineapple with changing colours.

Lists out cool things to do, including: fly drive buy cry write try brag lie steal frown hide bye A sad emoticon is shown.

CHORUS: Whats the universe made of? NARRATOR: Dreams, bro.

Shows the video title this is a video. Individual letters of video flash from left to right constantly, with a cartoon depiction of a chef and a flower pot also moving/rotating on the red background while flashing. The chef cartoon enlarges on a black background and says now thats what i call a video.

Like world peace, or whatever

Donald Rumsfeld

Sickness as usual

Got to hide from strangers

CHORUS: Bench. NARRATOR: Its a bench. Actually two benches. Thanks.

​I live at Kosciuszko Street Theres not much to eat

CHORUS: Behind the scenes! A photo is shown where Bill Wurtz is sitting in front of his MacBook screaming, complimented with the audio of him screaming.

Music is cool Music is cool Music is really freakin cool I like it a lot I like it a lot And so I think Im gonna do some of it

NARRATOR: So I was just sitting here thinking, can I put apples in a video? NARRATOR: Yes.

Shows the video title exciting & interesting topics of discussion. NARRATOR: Puke. Lists out related topics, including cooking fishing clothes shopping real estate pokemon

Shows the text the origin of pineapples, with a cartoon pineapple above the text. Explains that the origin of pineapples is chickens.

Shows ways to be a more compassionate person, in the wintertime, including build a fire, set fires, set things on fire, make things catch on fire, burn things, using fire and do a fire. Shows a fire emoji, with text fire™ and its the hot thing.

Asks the viewer what is 2+3? The numerals 2 and 3 merges into one numeral.

Shows the text thanks for watching yesterdays video, the one with the next button in it. i had a really great time making it. A comment box pops up on the screen, then types your a stupid idiot.

Move over

Shows the video title bill wurtz questions. BILL WURTZ: Is it legal to make laws? Displays the text if there are any lawyers out there, can you please answer this question? i have a lot of laws i want to make, and i want to get started as soon as possible.

Listing out the reasons to be king, including clothes food TV beaches computers nice robes Cars!! money cash babes hotel passes drinks mermaids diamonds riches

Shows the video title stunning realizations. NARRATOR: I am the mailman. The credits roll, name including: concept - mailman script writing - mailman starring - mailman plot development - mailman camera 1 - mailman camera 2 - mailman graphics - mailman set - mailman music - mailman mail - mailman

Dont know what Im gon do

I like the sun I like the sun I like how the grass grows green And i like the way everything sings to me Come down, come down Why dont you come down I like the trees I like tripping Were smoking marijuana Thinking bout Mary Ganja Politics as usual reflect the things you do Baby thats okay Baby thats alright If love is really anything Then its got to be everything Then its got to be everything I like red and green lights They take me from my homes They follow me like monsters Til i get things done They beg and they plead with me They beg and they plead with me They beg and they plead with me And they keep begging Elevators change the way we view the ups and downs Baby thats okay Lovely thats alright If there is anything you need Then you got to know how to dream Then you got to know how to come clean I like the breeze I like the bees knees I like them bushes and breezy things I like the way that things feel to me Were smoking marijuana Were smoking pot Cause this is fun and thats all we got Politics as usual reflect the things you do Baby thats alright Baby thats just fine If love is really anything Then its got to be everything Then its got to be everything

Shows the video title ​how to get More High than you already are, while a teal line is drawn sporadically across the screen. BILL WURTZ: Take a plane. Makes a checklist for boarding a plane, including: -boarding pass -flight itinerary -walkman  -peanuts -sense of humour -friendship

NARRATOR: How to play a C major scale. Proceeds to play the C major scale, but went off tangent and played jazzy notes in the end.

NARRATOR: Earth.

Shows the title of the video how to make a video. A magenta rectangle with light green squiggles on top is drawn, while the process is described as make a thing and put things on it. Tells the viewer thats about it.

NARRATOR: Whens Christmas? CHORUS: A little bit later NARRATOR: Whens Thanksgiving? CHORUS: Now!

CHORUS: How to fly a plane? NARRATOR: Use the steering wheel to turn left or right. A yoke is turning to the left and right constantly.

NARRATOR: BLACK NARRATOR: white NARRATOR: BLACK NARRATOR: white NARRATOR: BLACK NARRATOR: white NARRATOR: BLACK NARRATOR: white NARRATOR: BLACK NARRATOR: white CHORUS: Bill Clinton. Shows the text special thanks to bill clinton for appearing in this video.

Gonna save the tambourine for later

Shows the video title ​hints and tips. NARRATOR: Stuff is true. Creates a True checkbox under s͟t͟u͟f͟f͟, and then ticks the checkbox.

CHORUS: I like salad. NARRATOR: Why? CHORUS: Cause its so tasty. Shows a disclaimer: salad is not tasty, and does not provide a good taste to the person eating it. the statement contained in this video are mostly false and of lying fictional nature.

NARRATOR: Help! I am lost in a calendar.

Shows the video title What To Expect in the Media and Television in 2016. BILL WURTZ: I forgot the... my name. Lists out more predictions for 2016, including faster bikes slower cars new calendars more frogs etc.